#and i just don’t want tk be that person that’s only ever talking about the bad stuff that’s going on so i pull away

[foggysirens]

.

[ticklehigh-allthetime]

Losers Together

A/n: Hey guys! I haven’t wrote a tk fic in so long so bear with me please! Huskerdust has my soul literally.)

It had been a normal day in the hotel for everyone,except for Husk.

He had been standing behind the counter long in thought staring into space.

Everyone in the hotel knew about Husks deal with Alastor. They knew not to bring it up to either of them because it would make husk mad and grumpier than he already was.

The only person who could ask questions was Angel. Husk trusted Angel with everything, perhaps it was from the close bond they had with each other….. I mean to be fair Angel was the first person in hell to ever seen him cry which is reasonable because they were now dating.Husk was trying to avoid thinking about what happened to him with Alastor a while ago but he couldn’t help himself. The more he thought about it the angrier he got. For the first time in a while he started thinking and reflecting on his actions and how fucked up he was mentally. He felt tears in his eyes but blinked them away laying his head on the counter. He started to think about Angel. He couldn’t wrap his finger around why Angel liked him or even…..noticed him? He was a grumpy old cat after all, why would someone as cool as Angel want him? He sunk into to counter eventually falling asleep.

Angel eventually got home from work, today was a good day for him because Val didn’t go too far in the studio and he got off work earlier than usual. Angel was excited to see his grumpy cat lover so they could hang out, usually they never have time to hang out in the day because of Angels work schedule but thankfully today was different.

He walked up to the bar noticing Husk purring as he slept with his head on the counter.

Angel moved next to him and rubbed his ears, most of the time when Husk sleeps at the bar he’s had a bad day so Angel knew something was up.

He stayed there until Husk eventually woke up to Angel softly petting his head. “What the…..Angel? You’re back already?” His voice was raspy and deep from just waking up.

Angel smiled at him but noticed the fur by his eyelids were a bit damp hinting he was crying a bit. “Hey Husky how about we go to my room so you can get some sleep, okay?”

Husk smiled at the offer but wasn’t super tired anymore.

“I’m not that tired anymore but we can still go to your room if you want”He took a sip from his drink then throws away the bottle.

They get to Angels room and decided to watch a movie.

Angel was laying on Husk’s chest as they watched on of Angels favorite comedy movies. He looks up to Husk seeing a sour expression on his face. He pauses the movie and looks up to him. “Hey we can change the movie if you don’t like it baby, I don’t mind” Angel smiles at him softly “are you ok?” He kisses Husk’s cheek looking at him with admiration. Husk looks down at him still wondering how he got such an amazing soul in this dipshit called hell. “Yes Angel I’m fine” He mumbles softly still not acting like he was enjoying their time together.

Angel frowned, “Is it Alastor again?”

Husk ashamedly looked down. “I mean kinda? I dunno I’m just-“ He sighs looking an angel holding his chin. “I just don’t know why you stick with me all the time….im not a good person and I’m not worth your time”

Angel basically gasped. It felt like Angels heart just exploded in millions of peices. If anything Husk doesn’t deserve him. He sat up and looked at Husks solemn expression.

“Babe honestly what the fuck are you talking about?”

Husk was caught off guard and stared at him with confusion “I mean-“ Angel covered his mouth and hugged him. “You deserve the world, if I could give that to you I would.”

Husk hugged him back. He still wasn’t used to getting all that affection and admiration but he didn’t exactly hate it.

They cuddled while Angel continued spilling compliments to Husk u til he was a blushing mess.

“We’re both losers together remember?” Angel smiled at husk as he nodded. Angel was messing with Husk fur eventually brushing up against his sides.

Husk jolted and made a weird expression, he hoped Angel hadn’t noticed but it was too late. Angel smiled at him. “Dang I forgot you were so ticklish that even a tiny brush against your side makes you squirm~”

Husk blushes and grabbed Angels hand tiredly. “Don’t even think about it”

“Too late~ ‘sides you need a good laugh after today”

Soon enough Angel grabbed Husk paws and places them above his head gently tracing his fingers on his sides waiting for a reaction.

Husk didn’t was to succumb so easily and was fighting back the urge to laugh. To be honest Husk never hated when Angel would tickle him but he would never admit that to ANYONE even himself..

“Babyyyyy come onnnn it would be sooo much easier and fun if you would just let loose!” Angel giggled as he watched husk struggling not to laugh as his body twitched with every move angels fingers made.

Husk eventually let go and started laughing, his laugh started with minor chuckles but eventually got louder.

“There’s my smiley baby~” Angels fingers started getting faster and softer as he went to Husk’s ribs and soon enough his wings opened up from all the adrenaline. Angel gave husk a mischievous look.

Husk looked at him panicking while he was laughing still from the tingly sensations

“DOHAHANT YOHAHAU FUAHACKING DAHARE!”

Angel the stared tracing on his wings while leaving a set of hands on his sides still tickling.

Angel thought Husk laugh couldn’t get louder, lord he was wrong.

Husk was laughing really hard but he was also purring in between laughter. Angels whole face lit up

“Oh my god! You’re enjoying this!”

Husk blushes really hard and eventually his laughter becomes wheezes. Angels took that as a sign to stop, he let go of his paw and sat down smiling at him.

Husk was still in a fit of giggles on the floor laughing at the funny situation he got himself in.

“Sooooo you like being tickled husky?”

Husk looked at Angel still out of breath with a faint blush.

“Fuahak off….”

Angel looked at him with a grin “it’s okay I don’t judge baby” Angle rubbed Husks belly removing the ghost tickles. He started kissing husks face all over and hugging him.

“Losers together?” Angel smiles and lets go of the hug.

“Loser together” Husk pulled Angel into a kiss, afterwards they decided to head to sleep ending the evening with cuddles and a few slight tickles from Angel to Husk every few minutes. He didn’t mind though, he loved Angel so so much.

[unholywriters]

Idea Posting again

I have several ideas and If I don’t write them down somewhere and get reminded that they’re here I’m gonna cry because I want to remember.

Mafia’s Distraction -

How do we always managed to attract the attention of those who are dangerous? Do they just enjoy seeing others be confident when you decide to put your foot down whenever they cross a line? Take your/n for example, working one of the local pups always having to argue with someone who thinks they own the bar when in reality they don’t own anything but their fragile little ego but even then there’s nothing wrong with kicking them to a curb right? But what if you’re being watched all the time by not just one of them, but two of them with a status so powerful it could make everyone in that pub keep their tails between their legs just so they can survive another day. One day y/n is simply jus trying to handle some more of the loud crowd that didn’t want to listen, some were still sober and the rest were getting tipsy before they decided to cross you, by grabbing a bottle and pouring it all out in front of you while you were serving one of the bosses. Not only that, but this tipsy male had poured it on the bosses lap. Trying to start something since he was the self proclaimed life of the party before everyone turned to look at them. Y/N was about to try and ban him since this was against the rules before everyone saw their tattoos, after all each group has a tattoo to show who they belong to and what rank they have, and these two were the only two who had the black crown with a Y and a M for each person.

Needless to say, the person was bragged away begging for his life, while everyone else was told to leave expect for y/n, who had to sit and agree to talk to them, well more like it was them coming up with a compromise, and don’t we just love those?

———

Demon’s ring

imagine this and I'm gonna try and do this the best way i can without skipping over or amkinf this sound like something else.

Imagine that you're forced to live in sectors based on your race, like fairy's go to one, elves the other, foxes, sirens you name it. But the demons are considered the highest one, no one can touch them after they managed to beat the heavens in a war and have since claimed a large chunck of the earth, bur each year there's a selection of those "fortunate" to go since the demkn sector is considered one of thr richest and most loveable ace to live with "letters: being sent every two days of the person being happy to be chosen but missing home. Till you're choosen instead this time since your friends highly voted for you since every year there's a voting process to see who's the best at what for that sector and you go.

When you get there at first you see all of the glam, the joy you never got to feel and the best cooked food you ever could've imagined onto of thay sprinkled in gold dust. But then you meet the rulers kf this sector, [the ones in the video] but you don't meet them at the palace, you were walking with your friend (who's been there for what felt like ages and doesn't remember any torment) ans one by one they meet you, or see you from afar and grow interested so they play the nice card since you're from the outside and can't let you run just yet. But as it's getting more and more obvious thay they like you, you jabw these visions of them in your dreams and you can't seem to shake them off since almost no matter where you go there right there, and in one dream you're seen giving birth tk children, with a mark on your stomach tbag was never there before but when you woke it was there. And so you slowly kept trying to plan a route to leave or by trying to trap them into something, anything that woukd get you free and away from that vision becoming true And you know me this is gonna be gay because I can't ever seem to write a straight story for my life

BUT they can't seem to touch you without feeling a burn something they've never felt before after the war because after all, the angles were kept in their sector and weren't allowed to get out yet somehow, *you* were able to hurt them if you were scared and wanted to ger away. One pair was angry, the other pair was intrigued but they knew this meant you'd be able to escape so they pulled almost all the stops they could, not like flirting wise but stopped you ar every exit you coild run to and slowly get closer, talking to you either like a bride, or something else but it didn't work, since the last time you tried to run you seriously injured them and there was nothing they could do, let alone let others find out. So you were out in the water fighting off the sirens who were told to bring you back till you reached the angels, who were looking at you in aspiration. And besides the angels are the good guys, they want to bring back peace, right?

But when you started to watch them get stronger, you noticed that you were in pain, as if they were taking your energy and making it not power for power so they coukd escape but there was nothing you could do. When one day you woke up tied tk a Pole pointing exactly where the sun would shine and you were onto of a empty ball, panic settling in you tried to beg them for helo but they only started to cut you ans watch your essence and how you were getting weaker and almost like you were dying. They told you how they planned to wipe out the demons, making sure no evil could throw off the balance of the garden of eternal and how they needed to go. But of course you manged to break free, more like you had a freak out and released something thay caused thr angels to be weakened more, some were even fading away into nothingness while those let out pained cries.

Now being free you ran to the water where the sirens were swimming and knew they has to take you back home to the demons. Whike the angels started to get free from their barrier the sirens took uou as closet as they could. You ran to the demon sector and saw one of the boys, who looked amused that you were back but also terrified at the swarm of white behind you and soon manages to take you behind the walls while trying to keep you and the others demons age (because who says demons don't have a heart) But they haven't recovered from thr attacked even with jt being arojnd... almost a month that you've left and they almost manages to win before kf course you and one of them (I forgot who's the oldest in that video) manages to pull a something before sealed the angels back away With you rebuilding thr sector that was destroyed and reassuring everyone who heard about a fight and some deaths. Helping rebuild it and stopping the yearly choosing and stayed Still continuing to drive them crazy while they continue to tease you

[mrsjavierp]

Where You Belong?

Chapter 7 - Torture

Javier Peña x latin!f!reader

Summary: Running away from life as you always knew to start a new position as Head Chief on a DEA Office, far away, on Colombia. There, you'll face violence, as you never thought you could. There, you'll meet Javier Peña, your stubborn agent...

Warnings (to the whole fic): +18!, angst, smut, cheating, last relationships, drug dealing - Narcos Universe (not so accurate), bad spanish, english is my second language, use of Y/N and Y/LN. No physical description of the reader, only your clothes (sometimes). The POVs are shifting between reader (first person and Narrator - 3rd person)

(If I forgot anything, tell me, pls!)

Word Count: 2,6k

A/N: I'd love to know about you're thinking about it so far! Your opinion is really important! Tks <3 Btw, I'm tagging @pedrostories! Babe, let's show'em why we're so much in love for that man!

Obs: Oops, I did a "past x present situation" again, so, anytime you see something written like this, is past. If not, it's just Javi's memory about the night he won't (and can't) forget... And neither can you, reader <3 Let's be honest, how would we forget a night like that?

***

Narrator's POV:

Javier went to see how Steve was doing, after Connie left.

The apartment was a mess, with empty bottles all over.

If ever Steve were sober, it was before his girls went back to Miami.

He was so depressed... Made Javier think about his family as well, but in a different way: if it was him and Lorraine, would he try to do some or anything?

Steve sniffed and cleared his throat, handing Javier a beer, bringing him back from his thoughts.

"Have you, uh... Had anything to eat in the last 24 hours?" - he asked.

"About Y/LN..." - Steve ignored Javier. - "Do you think she's gonna send me back? Did she say anything?"

"To be honest, I think if she was going to send you back, she'd have done it already. We know she doesn't put up any shit."

Steve sputted.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Do you think I am out?"

"I don't know." - Javier answered.

"Well, I ain't ready to go home yet, Javi. I'll tell ya that." - Steve threw the top from his bottle away. - "Damn it! She's fucking..."

Javier got up, he needed to do some or anything.

"Take a shower. Sober up." - he suggested to the friend. - "I'll get back to you."

Steve sighted, sitting back down.

**

"Thanks for talking to Y/LN again, man." - Steve thanked, while Javier was driving to their new office. - "I mean that... You saved my ass."

"One more fuck-up, Murphy..."

"Oh, I know." - he responded.

"Is it gonna happen again?" - Javi asked, worried.

"I don't know. I really don't." - Murphy seemed lost in thoughts.

"Let's hope for the sake of our careers that is the first and the last one."

Shortly after they arrive, you show up by helicopter, wearing a black tight suit, heels and sunglasses. Javier was already shivering.

Making an effort to change his focus, he said to Steve:

"Get ready to get your balls snippet." - and they both smirked.

*

Steve and you sat down at your office, his expression was awful: sad, bitter, hangover.

“So Connie left… You’re upset, knocked a few back to numb the pain and then decided to take it out on some Wall Street pendejo”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Isolated incident?”

“Yeah.”

“You still don’t trust me? That’s fine. But if I’m gonna have your back, I need to know that I can trust you. Otherwise, I have no problem sending you back to Connie in Miami… Am I making myself clear or do you need a drawing?”

“Loud and clear, Jefe.” - He sighed. 

“Dismissed, Murphy. Go to work.”

He got up and left your office.

He was just a ghost… A resemblance to what he was, when Connie was here. God, you felt sorry for him.

*

Hours later, you sat down at the bar, close to your office, after all those hours, alone.

You just wanted peace.

So much happened and you also got quite some happening.

Steve and his bullshit, Escobar on the run, Crosby up on your ass...

"A Dry Martini, por favor. Seco." (A Dry Martini, please. Extra dry.) - you order.

"¿Señorita, dry martini? ¿Seco? ¿Estás enferma?" (Miss, dry martini? Extra dry? Are you sick?)

"No, amigo... Soló necesito olvidar algunas cosas." (No, my friend… Just need to forget a few things.)

He knew your drink was a neat scotch, he never saw you drinking any other thing.

You hated how the gin burned while going down your throat. You could almost remember when Javier fucked your throat at the same time you used your vibrator because he wanted to see how you've done by yourself... He convinced you to pick it up at your place because he needed to ruin you, as you did to him...

"Díos mio... I don't wanna remember anymore, please, make it stop..." - you whispered like a secret prayer, closing your eyes.

*

About 2 hours later, taking off his tie, Javier walked into the same bar.

He sighed, so frustrated, so hurt, so pissed off.

Lorraine just had put the cherry on top: she wanted to leave Laredo to Dallas or Austin, because... He didn't even understand why. She asked for more money, his visit for a few days... The only good thing on that call was his baby boy, Lucas, who your so called wife insisted on calling Luke. Sometimes, he felt a little prejudice from her against his latin origin.

And she demanded again! Javier was trying to delay it, but she was coming on strong at him.

The worst part is… He didn’t care about Lorraine. Not that he ever did in the first place, but… 

In reality, he was just sad... 

Sad that he spent an intimate long night fucking you and... Nothing.

You just disappeared. Left him hanging.

Javier didn't even get to listen to you masturbating anymore.

He asked for a scotch, neat.

Just like he purred to you that night…

Sometime that night, you sat down on the armchair by his bedroom window, lit up your cigar, while he served you a glass of whiskey. You wore nothing but your red panties...

Javier kneeled down, again, for you.

There you were, smelling like your cigars, whiskey, sex... And Javier.

His hands worshiped your figure, opening you for him, again.

"Javier, I'm a little occupied..." - you said to him, almost purring.

"I don't care. I need to touch you. Go ahead with whatever you drink or smoke. It's sexy as fuck."

He loved that your scent was just like his. Make him feel like you belong to him, only him. 

“When I'm done with you, you're gonna smell just like me… Like my come, my perfume, my spit, my sweat… You ruined me, cariño. I'm just returning the favor.”

“Javi…”

“You know where you belong, don't you?” - his index and middle fingers entered you again. You moaned. - “You belong with me, cariño. I'm not letting you go.”

“Oh fuck…” - you moan. - “You also smell just like me, Javi…” - his eyes widened, surprised. - “You also smell just like my french perfume, my spit on your dick, my sweat on your skin… My come all over you…” 

You were so distracted you didn't even notice when he walked in and sat across from you.

When he spotted you, Javier went up to you.

"Martini, Y/N? Gotta say, did not see this coming."

"Bite me, Peña." - you responded through your teeth.

"I wish I could, cariño, but you won't let me get near you. I miss you. Don't tell me that you don't remember or you didn't like it." - his mouth came closer to your ear and murmured: - "You came so many times in my mouth that shirt I wore still smells like your cum, even after I washed 3 times already... Wanna know where it is?"

You sighted slowly, catching your breath, eyes closed.

"My bed, cariño. Right where you left your red panties, where you belong. Where you should be." - he continued to whisper in your ear.

"Peña..."

"No, not Peña. Call me Javi, babyboy, obedient soldier, anything but as if we were working… We both know that’s not under your obligations."

You looked at him, in pain.

"I-I-I can't. We gotta be a part, Peña."

He hit the bar with his fist.

"Bullshit! You may be an award winning actress, but you can't pretend any of that. I remember it all too well... I remember you telling me that was a fucking dream and you didn't wanna wake up! I remember you melting under my touch..."

You laughed.

"Peña, I quit smoking and drinking whiskey because of you."

"Why?"

"Because it tastes just like you." - aside from the scotch, he smoked cigarettes, not cigars. Your eyes are almost in tears.

He looked at you with those puppy brown eyes.

"Cariño... You don't have to..."

"Yes, Peña. I do... You don't get it, do you?"

"Actually, no, I don't. Enlighten me, then." - Javier responded, rude. He couldn't bear to be hurt one more time. He wanted to be yours and you to be his, only his.

"It was a mistake, Peña. You're overthinking what happened... I... We..." - you didn't know how to say or justify. You were lying and you were such a lousy liar... Javier could see right through you.

"Don't! Don't you dare to continue to say anything like that!" - it was his time to respond through his teeth. - "You don't get to do that! I won't accept these lies! You're not fooling me nor anyone… Days ago you were moaning and coming all over me... Now you want to take it back? News flash, you can't! You can’t change the past, you can’t change the fact that we fucked worse than rabbits, cariño. I told ya, I’m greedy as fuck." - his voice went from pissed to almost cooing at you.

You were feeling awful. Guilty. You shouldn't want Javier so badly, but you wanted.

"Peña, I'm your boss. We've got a job to do. I can't get involved with you, it was a mistake!"

Javier's heart was pounding. You couldn't do that to him.

You tried to get up, but your liquor betrayed you, almost throwing you on the ground, but Javi picked you up before you got hurt.

"Vamos, cariño. I'll take you home, vecina." - he said.

You only cuddled with him, holding up all you could.

*

Javier helped you get inside, paying attention to what you needed: You needed to eat, to take a shower and lay down, unfortunately, too drunk to do it alone.

First, Javier prepared a bath for you, a warm one.

"Peña, I just dumped you... You don't get to see me naked again." - you said to him, while you were sitting on the closed toilet and he took off your shoes.

He laughed. You were a cute drunk.

"Don't call me Peña. I already told you. Right now, I'm not calling you by 'jefe' or 'Y/LN' either. You're cariño, hermosa or even babygirl."

You began to take off your clothes, while he took off his jacket and folded his sleeves.

"I like cariño, Javi..." - you almost purred. - "I shouldn't. But I do..."

"Good. Cariño will be, Hermosa."

He helped you finish undressing and getting in the tub.

"Oh, it's gooood. Thank you, Javi..."

He remained outside it, just taking care of you, not letting you lay down too much or sleep.

When you finished, he covered you with a towel, leaving you alone for a few minutes to look for some medicine, as hangover prevention, and some food.

A little like him, your fridge only had whiskey, water and a leftover pizza.

You two were more alike than any of you wanted or expected.

He used the oven to heat it, at the same time you put a red and lacy nightgown.

"Oh, fuck, cariño... Had to be this one?" - he asked you, trying not to sound so horny.

"It was this one or none. Pick your poison, Javi."

He sighed. What a fucking brat you were, even drunk as a skunk.

"Sit, please. There you go, eat it. Where do you keep your painkillers?"

"My bedroom..."

"Finish your dinner, cariño. I'm going to give you some, we've got work to do tomorrow, you need to bring your A-game."

"Peña, I always do. Don't mess with me."

He snorted. Feisty one you are, as usual. He liked that about you.

You finished your slice and he took you into bed, made you take your medicine. He didn't lay down, he just sat next to you, observing.

"He never took care of me like that, you know?" - you revealed, almost sleeping.

"Who, cariño?"

"Ben..."

"Who's Ben anyway?" - Javier asked, pretending not to be curious, but you were too drunk to notice anything in his voice.

"My ex fiance... A cabrón... Malparido." - you cursed.

"Remind me, cariño, why?"

"You know... All the cheating, all the lying..." - you yawn. - "I'm tired, Javi..."

"Sleep, cariño. Buenas noches, hermosa... I'll bring breakfast tomorrow morning, before we go to the office."

But you slept before he even finished his sentence.

Javier left you safe and sound, at your apartment.

However, he never felt worse.

He wanted to be with you, more than sex. More than he ever wanted to be with any woman. 

The problem is...

He's also a cheating bastard. He also fucked half of Medellin and Bogota.

He doesn't deserve you and he knows it.

Javier doesn't care.

He's not going to give up on you: on the contrary, he's going to solve all that he can before you ever find out...

But how? How is he going to keep Lorraine away? How will he manage his boy's custody?

Too many questions, no answers.

“One problem at the time…” - Javier told himself, crossing the hall and entering his apartment.

He looked around: all in order, but you were missing. He wanted to do it right…

Javier laid on his sofa… But it smelled like both of you. He got up and sat at the table in the kitchen, Lorraine’s letters organized in a box. 

Pandora's box, as he joked sometimes to himself.

“Fuck…” - he cursed. - “How am I going to pull it off?”

* 

Next morning, he knocked on the door, anxious.

The seconds before you opened it felt like hours. He was bringing you breakfast from Mrs. Hernandez's café: arepas with cheese and eggs, mantecada, marquesa and, of course, black colombian coffee.

You open, holding back a smile, wearing a black dress and boots.

"What are you doing here? Something happened?" - you sound surprised.

Javi smiled, coming in as you let.

"Yes, cariño, I told you I would bring breakfast... I don't get the surprise. Wait, you don't remember? You were that drunk?"

"Oh, fuck! I forgot... Sorry, by the way."- you said as Javi entered your home.

He pulled you into his embrace, after putting the food at the table, and held you close, smelling your hair. - "I miss you so much, cariño... Don't push me away, please." - he begged.

You took a deep breath, Javier's scent was so good, so masculine and strong... You miss him too, but how can you manage it all?

You look deep in those puppy eyes.

Fuck, you hate that effect on you.

"Can we talk about it later? I'm very thankful that you brought food and took care of me last night... But things are not that simple. I don't quite remember, I was really drunk. But I do remember that I said I dumped you."

He laughed, stroke your hair.

"Not exactly... But you did reveal a few things, including that you quit smoking and drinking whiskey because of me."

You turn your face away. You felt a stupid girl, alcohol in and truth out. Your own mind betrayed you.

"Oh, fuck. Peña, I... Really, let's eat. After work we can talk, okay?"

He agreed and you both set the table. It was all delicious, he brought everything you like.

"Was Ben at least thoughtful during your hangovers?" - he asked, casually, with a smirk on his lips.

"Peña, what the fuck? How dare you? That's none of your business!" - you screamed towards him.

How and what does Javier know about my ex? - you thought.

"Cariño, you're the one who brought him up last night. I was just curious..."

"Peña, you have no right! Leave my home! Right the fuck NOW!"

"Y/N, what the fuck?! What the hell happened to you from last night to this morning?"

"I got sober, my senses got back to the right place. And you know what? I was only delaying what I was going to say. We're not getting together again. That night was a huge mistake!"

"Your car is in the garage, by the way. Keys in the ignition. See you later, jefe." - he picked up his coffee that was on the travel mug and left your apartment, not looking back.

Next

[doublel27]

The ONLY thing that I didn't like from tarlos scene is how they pulled the carlos is tks soulmate too out of nowhere and except us to eat that, as if season 1 tk and his infamous *Alex is my soulmate* even tho he was with carlos never existed. Good thing carlos didn't believe and called him out on it Idk, I'm just struggling to believe tk this time.

The rest is a 👩‍🍳💋. SO DELICIOUS!

Okay, one, the scene was delicious. And two you’re entitled to your opinion and your take of the scene. Please don’t think I am not allowing you.

But as you’ve walked into my house, and shared your take, I’m gonna share mine.

You don’t believe TK, but I do.

Here’s the thing TK calls Alex his soulmate in a sentence rooted in the past tense in 1.05 “116 days ago when I proposed to my soulmate and he moved in with his trainer.” It’s TK’s response to Paul when Paul suggests TK doesn’t know rejection. TK follows it up with “yeah that was not my best day. Look, everyone gets kicked in the head. You gotta get up and try again.”

In 4.16, TK suggests that he had a feeling the word soulmates applied to him and Carlos in 1.01 but that he ran from it. With the context above, I can see him giving Paul advice in 1.05 but also talking to himself (be it so noted that the episode still for 1.05 is still the deleted tamale scene and then he and Carlos take Paul out to a club and they’re clearly growing closer)

See, because the LAST TIME TK got this feeling of forever/meant to be/soulmates, that was his perception, but not the reality. It was the story TK, who is a hopeless romantic, told himself and why he proposed to “fix the relationship” (file under bad relationship modeling from his parents).

So if he feels soulmates for Carlos NOW, why trust it? And considering how his whole life blew up upon finding out that Alex didn’t feel forever about TK the way TK felt about Alex? Like he ODs, leaves his whole life and comes to Texas. Why would he risk doing that again when TK doesn’t trust his own heart?!

But the advice he gives Paul here is also for himself. You can’t just give up because you got hurt once. And maybe you can trust it. And it gets shaken after he gets shot but he is lost and doesn’t want to hurt Carlos and is honest with him about the fact that TK doesn’t know where he wants to live or what he wants to do and he can’t make decisions about Carlos if he doesn’t feel settled (where we get Carlos’s infamous “if it’s not meant to be then it’s not meant to be”)

See, I don’t think it’s ever that TK didn’t love Carlos entirely. TK wouldn’t have come back around every time he bolted if he didn’t feel deeply for Carlos. It’s that TK didn’t believe he could be loved fully and unconditionally by another person. It took Carlos being steady and patient and constant to tame my favorite feral cat of a boy.

And so, I believe TK felt it from those first moments and was so scared he would blow up his entire life again. So he bolted, breaking good things before he counted on them and they broke him out of nowhere.

[writingamarie]

for @sketchyherpderp

🌊 the only easy day (3 part buddie. angst. hurt. hea)

“I don’t want them here, Maddie.” “They’re our parents, they should be here, you've been seriously close to dying twice in half a year, Evan! They should be here!” But he didn’t need them. Whether or not good parents would be at his bedside didn’t matter to him. He’d come to terms with the parents –or lack there of– that he had when he was twelve. He hadn’t needed them then, and he didn’t need them now. He managed to barely flinch as she called out his name. It hadn’t been said with any hate, he knew that but he couldn’t help the way his mind traveled. Evan, you really shouldn’t cause problems. Evan, this isn’t the time for your theatrics. This really is all you’re– He shoved the thoughts back down and did his best to lock the stupid mental box that he tried to keep all the bad childhood memories in. He’d liked the idea of Pandora’s box when he’d been younger. It had seemed like a perfect representation of how he felt. All the bad shit in one spot locked away, but if it ever escaped there would always be Hope left at the bottom.

🐝 the pull of us (post lawsuit, buck backstory divergence, buddie, tarlos, buck/tk)

Buck had never had a best friend before Tyler so he wasn’t sure if it was normal to go so long without actually seeing each other and fall right back into how it felt the last time they had –but it felt normal enough for him. They texted and talked all the time, Buck never felt like he lost Tyler from his life even if they hadn’t seen each other in person in years. There was a warmth that had filled his chest and the smile that stretched across his face actually hurt. It was the first time he remembered being genuinely happy since before he’d been injured. “You look good.” Tyler smirked, “And you look like a brick house.”

🫧 ruined (post lawsuit, dark, dead dove, why did i use buck to work through trauma?)

“Sorry, man, I was zoned out.” “I get it. Feel like middle of the night runs usually mean shit’s going on in your head, right?” The guy smiled at him and Buck realized it had been weeks since someone genuinely smiled at him. Sure there were random strangers on the street that gave those half smiles that were considered polite when they passed someone. But Buck hadn’t thought about just how alone he had gotten since the lawsuit started. “Yeah, sorry, I’ve got a big thing later. Should still watch where I’m running.” Buck didn’t want to think about what would happen when he went to his meeting with Chase that morning. He’d be able to see the team again and he hoped that if he could just explain his side they would finally understand.

link to another the only easy day snippet

link to another the only easy day snippet

link to another the only easy day snippet

link to another the pull of us snippet

link to another the pull of us snippet

link to another ruined snippet

link to og emoji wip game post

[louis-ii-reyes-strand]

thank you @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @thisbuildinghasfeelings @birdclowns @lemonlyman-dotcom@tarlosmalec @heartstringsduet @carlos-in-glasses for the tags. I wouldn't have written anything today (again) without you 🖤🖤🖤 I plan to dive into your snippets very soon!!

Carlos pulled TK to a stop just before the steps leading up to the front porch. He’d never noticed how rickety they looked before, made a mental note to offer to fix them up when he had a free weekend. “Before we go in. If meeting everyone all at once is too much, we can leave right now.”

TK frowned. “It’s your birthday, babe. I’m sure I’ll be fine.” He tried to move but Carlos’ increasingly tight grip on his hand stopped him again. He considered Carlos for a moment, then realisation dawned on his face and he stepped into Carlos’ space. 

As he used his free hand to cup Carlos’ cheek, TK said, “Are you okay with doing it like this?” 

“Yeah.” TK gave him a look that told him he wasn’t as convincing as he had been trying to be. “Yeah. It’s just… a lot.”

“That’s–” 

“I want you to meet them, I want them to meet you and for them to know you’re the most important person in my life and that I love you.” Carlos pulled TK even closer so he could drop his forehead to TK’s and closed his eyes. He’d found over the past few weeks that it was easier to talk about his feelings when he couldn’t see how anyone else reacted to them. “But I don’t know that they’re not going to be horrible.”

“They’re all here,” TK reminded him gently.

Carlos shook his head, screwing his eyes shut. “I don’t know if they all know I’m bringing you.” 

The longer TK was silent, the more Carlos wanted to be sick. 

“We can leave right now. You don’t have to do this for me, Carlos. Not if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to," he said. Then on an exhale, "And that’s what makes it so hard.” 

TK took a step back from him. Carlos’ body sagged for a moment. 

“Look at me,” TK said softly. He waited until Carlos opened his eyes, then shifted slightly so he could catch Carlos’ gaze from where he had trained it on something over TK’s shoulder. “How many steps do you think it is to the door?” 

“What?” The absurdity of the question shocked a half-laugh out of him. 

“How many steps do you think it takes to get to the door?” 

Carlos tilted his head. There were three steps up to the porch and he had long legs. “Five, maybe?” 

“So we’ll start with five steps.” TK dropped his hand and took the five steps towards the door. He had to shuffle a little bit closer to be within knocking reach. Then he looked back to Carlos, holding his hands out in show, as if to say look how easy it is.

Seeing TK, brave TK, standing alone on the front porch of the Reyes family ranch house, it struck Carlos how incredible he was. He should’ve been more nervous than Carlos, he should be the one needing reassurance that Carlos’ family was going to love him, but he put it all aside because Carlos was struggling. 

It was so simple. 

Carlos bounded forward, only needing three steps to reach TK as his momentum carried him further.

“I love you so much. You’re incredible,” He said breathlessly, then didn’t give TK time to respond as he pulled him into a tender kiss. 

“Let’s go in,” he whispered as he broke away, smiling at the dazed look on TK’s face. 

TK nodded. Then shook his head. Then nodded again. “Let’s do it.” 

Carlos pushed the door open but was held back by TK not moving. 

“Should you not knock?” 

Carlos grimaced. “Tía Lucy would wring my neck. I don’t think my extended family ever knocked on our door when I was growing up.” 

TK seemed horrified by the thought.

open tag for anyone else wanting to do this because i've been offline all day and missed everything!!

[chaotictarlos]

Fic Pride Friday

thank you yo @bonheur-cafe for the lovely tag

Who is she? Making a banner? Participating in a fandom fic tag game after months? Crazy how much motivation and time I have now that I'm not stressing over classes and just have to do my job. I've only picked a few fics to highlight here but you can read anything I've written HERE

THE LOFT || TK and Carlos decide that they're going to stay home for their honeymoon instead of going someplace else.

Carlos gives TK a look that seems like he wants to argue but then apparently he thinks better of it and sighs, looking down at their clasped hands. “I’ll never be able to thank the universe enough for putting you in my path,” Carlos says. “I don’t think there is any other person who would put up with all of this and stay or even find excuses to justify it all.” “Being with you isn’t ‘putting up with all of this’,” TK says. “Supporting you, loving you, caring about you is so far from ‘putting up’ with things. You’re not a burden for me Carlos, you’re the love of my life and I’m committed to being here with you and helping you through everything that life throws at you. We’re a team and we face things together.”

[REDACTED] || TK posts a picture that certainly gets Carlos' attention.

“I know why you posted the photo,” Carlos says as he flicks the toy on. He turned it onto his lowest vibration before going in search of his phone. Once he finds it - in his pants pocket, of course - he syncs it up with the toy. “You wanted attention and you wanted to make me jealous because you like it when I’m jealous. You know I’ll come home and give you exactly what you need. You know I’ll fuck you hard and won’t stop until you forget about everybody else who’s given you attention because their attention doesn’t matter. At the end of the day what matters is the attention I give you and the way I fuck you. You know that nobody in that phone would ever be able to satisfy your needy hole. Nobody knows how to handle you like I do.”

You took the best of my heart and left the rest in pieces || An exploration of emotions. The Breakup Era from Carlos' POV

There was no comfort to be found when he was basically told that the love of his life had a big chance of dying. He knew that TK was strong, that he was a fighter, but how many times could someone brush close to death and come back? His mind reminded him that TK had died before he was brought to the hospital and it was only because of Nancy and Tommy that he was even still around to struggle and slowly slip out of his fingers. He wasn’t sure if he would have preferred for TK to die out on the scene, to get the call and have his heart ripped out of his chest all at once, or to be where he was at the moment with TK so close, yet so far away and slipping further with each breath he struggled to take.  “Why?” Carlos asked out loud. He lifted his head and looked up, staring at the cross above. “Why can’t I have him?” All through their relationship, there had been ups and downs - more than Carlos had ever faced in a relationship before. TK always ran away from him and Carlos was dumb enough to keep doing the chasing. He saw so much in TK, loved him as a whole person, that he wanted to chase him, even if it meant that he kept getting his heart broken. “Hasn’t he suffered enough? Haven’t I suffered enough? Why does he keep ending up here? Always fighting for his life?” Carlos asked, voice barely above a whisper because he didn’t trust it not to break. “TK is a good man. He doesn’t deserve to always fight for his life and be so scared of losing everyone that he runs away from love and happiness. He doesn’t deserve the hand that he’s been dealt.” Carlos was frustrated and hurt, wrapped up in a ball of pain that hadn’t gone away since TK had walked out of their loft four months before.  Now that pain was bigger, consuming him in more ways than he had ever thought possible. He continued to talk, to plead, to beg with God as he sat there. He was sure that everything he said was going to go unanswered but it still felt good to get some things off his chest and not have someone sitting beside him and try to comfort it all away.  “Please, I’m begging you to let him wake up. Don’t take him from me before I can prove that I’m worthy of him,” Carlos finished. He wiped the remaining tears from his eyes and stood up. 

I don't know who's been tagged so sorry for tagging you again. I also don't know who to tag since I've been away for so long so if you want me to tag you in things let me know.

NPT: @kiloskywalker @paperstorm @thebumblecee @cowlos-reyes @mooshkat @detective-giggles @sanjuwrites @lightningboltreader @liminalmemories21 @lemonlyman-dotcom @bonheur-cafe @carlos-in-glasses @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut

[cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut]

Hi Jamie 💗 for the AU game how about Tarlos department/grocery store worker x customer/coworker 👀

Ooh I love this, gonna use it to flex the writing muscles before I finally get out of bed.

Okay so Carlos is a shift runner who works the till sometimes to help out, and this is absolutely where they meet, with TK in his spiky, everything is grey stage of Austin life. He’s not even planning on talking to the cashier but the line for self checkout is waaay too long and he’s getting antsy in this place already. He’s only here because his dad is on shift and it’s his turn to make dinner for when he’s home, but nothing in the cupboards remotely interests him. He has his AirPods in as a signal that he will nod politely and hand the money over, but Does Not want to talk. Then, of course, he glances up, and finds Carlos already looking at him. He’s very quickly done for. These are the deepest, most beautiful brown eyes he’s ever seen, and Carlos himself is simply gorgeous. He takes out his AirPods and talks as they put through his groceries.

TK will not explain to Owen why he is suddenly so okay with doing the grocery shopping every time — and in person, no less. He tells him it helps him feel better because it gets him out of the house, and Owen stops questioning him so much, but doesn’t stop looking at him in that fond yet suspicious way of his. He knows his boy. He knows something is going on, but it’s a grocery store so he’s satisfied that it’s nothing bad. He even follows TK there one time to make sure that’s really where he’s going 👀 maybe he goes as far as following him inside, spots him talking to the same pleasant, handsome young staff member who’s been so helpful to Owen when he’s needed to ask something, and he picks up on their flirty vibes instantly. Satisfied, he quietly extricates himself from the situation before he can be caught, and decides that he’s comfortable letting TK have this “secret.” It’s a nice, healthy one to have after all, and his son deserves something like that.

TK goes in late one night, so late that, while he’s talking to Carlos, the rest of the staff team all leave one by one. The store isn’t a 24 hour store. It shuts at 10pm, and the cleaning staff don’t come in until midnight. Carlos says he has some tidying up to do in the store room, but that TK’s welcome to join him and keep him company if he doesn’t need to leave in a hurry 👀 He joins him, of course, and Carlos is approximately one and a half sentences into explaining how they organise things in the store room (Carlos has a spreadsheet) before TK makes a point of closing the door behind them. Kissing ensues. Lots of it. TK goes down to his knees 👀

One night, Carlos is feeling a little grouchy. He’s been on a double shift and was hoping that TK might come visit, but he hasn’t, and he hasn’t replied to his last couple of texts today either. When a customer comes to him to report someone — another customer, in the medicines aisle who is clearly fresh out of a fistfight, with bloodied knuckles and a split lip, fresh blood on their face and their t-shirt — Carlos goes to investigate. He’s fully ready to ask the person to leave if they’re disorderly, or to supply numbers of the support lines the staff have on hand for someone who might wander in during some kind of crisis. Sometimes people come here and confide in the cashiers in frightened whispers. It’s good to have the right resources on hand, and Carlos has them memorised. What he’s not expecting to find, is that the only person in the medicine aisle is the very person he’s been longing to see today. TK is a mess, and tells Carlos he’s just here for supplies to get himself cleaned up. Carlos tells him they have first aid kits in the back. He takes his hand — his HAND — and all but drags him through the store and into the staff room. He politely kicks out the two people taking an extra long break in there, and helps patch his sad boy up while TK opens up to him about what’s really going on for him.

At some point, Carlos and TK have a day off together, and they get up out of the city and take a long walk together somewhere more remote. They take a picnic, they get distracted by making out in the tall grass, and further distracted by undoing each other’s belts and getting each other off in the tall grass 👀 They walk a little more, and TK invites Carlos to his place, where Carlos is DELIGHTED by the existence of Buttercup. Carlos agrees to stay for dinner, and they’re both just hanging out in the kitchen, cooking together (TK, at this stage, doesn’t love cooking alone), when Owen walks in. He gives them a knowing look, and a big smile, and tells them he’s got his own hot date tonight so the boys will have the entire house to themselves (as a little bonus, he might embarrass his son completely by happily informing the boys that, if they need condoms, Owen has a healthy supply in his en-suite bathroom and they’re welcome to help themselves).

MWAH 💋

Send me an AU idea and I will list five fun facts that would happen in the story.

[heartstringsduet]

Split

@chaotictarlos requested "tarlos+ meet cute + ice cream"

Finally, the queue moves on, the next group walking away with the thing Carlos has been craving for over a week now. An eternal hell ride with the subway and nearly half an hour waiting, and he’s finally so close he can taste it. 

Carlos steps forward and orders, “One Banana Split Deluxe, please.”

The smile of the shopkeeper dims just a little. “The Banana Split is in-house only.”

“Oh. Then I’ll sit.”

“Are you waiting for someone to join?”

Carlos is puzzled but keeps his friendly, confident tone, trying to be as cool as the New York locals. “No just me.”

Now, she looks at him with pity shining in her eyes. “I’m sorry, but it’s shop policy that the Banana Split is…well, split.”

“Yeah, but the name is just from the banana being split in the middle?” 

“At Cheeks, we do a new interpretation of it. And that can only be eaten by a minimum of two people. A split Banana Split,” she says like it’s a reasonable policy to have about dessert but also like she is genuinely sorry.

Carlos hears the group of teenagers behind him mumble, “Ugh, everyone knows that.” He feels his cheeks grow warm.

He’s been seeing this dish on Instagram for weeks now. It’s been his one saving grace in a week of grueling work in a new city he constantly feels rushed and overwhelmed in and that makes him feel lonelier than he ever had.

It’s a bit ridiculous but he felt on edge before and now it's like he couldn’t eat if he wanted to. But he’s in line, the teenagers behind him cluck and sigh and the shopkeeper looks at him with a raised eyebrow. “Then I’ll just take-”

“Hey, sorry, uhm, I overheard and I don’t want this to be weird or anything but we could share the Banana Split? I mean, it’s fine if you don’t want to of course, it’s just, I’ve been meaning to try it for so long and I came all the way for it.”

Carlos stares at the stranger who stepped up next to him. Green eyes, soft brown hair and a very tight button down print shirt on a guy that could have walked out of his dreams. Carlos feels like there’s sugar coasting through his system already, speeding his heart up, coating his tongue, making him want to do crazy things.

Crazy things like saying, “Sure.”

Suddenly, the lady beams at them and says, “Our waiter will show you to your table in a sec.” Carlos thinks he sees her wink at them from the corner of his eyes but dismisses it. He’s too caught up in the sudden nerves and doubt setting in. What has he just said yes to? What hot guy would just randomly walk up and offer to share ice cream? What weirdo would say yes to it? 

When they slide into the white booth with colorful sprinkles, the hot guy says, “Sorry again. Really, don’t feel like you actually have to talk to me or anything or even stay if this is too weird.”

“It’s fine,” Carlos says. “You saved me from having wasted my time, honestly.” He holds his hand out. “I’m Carlos.” 

The guy smiles; another sugar rush pumping through Carlos’ veines for it. “TK. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too.”

“Have you ever been here?”

“First time.” Carlos admits. “First time to New York actually.”

TK’s smile falters. “Oh, you’re just here on a visit?”

“No, I just moved here. Last week.”

It seems to have been the right answer because TK grins again and starts asking him about how he likes the city, tells him about what to expect from living in that neighborhood, what places to check out, which to avoid. He keeps on asking Carlos, too though. He's the friendliest and most open person he’s met in this city. And it might not be a coincidence that TK slips in a “my ex-boyfriend and I” in one of the recommendations with a weight to the “ex”.

Carlos has never been flirted with this openly, not by men, so at first he thinks that maybe it’s all in his head. But TK’s eyes keep on flickering down to Carlos’ mouth, and he laughs a bit too much at a lame pun Carlos makes and he makes a display of licking his spoon after each bite that drives Carlos crazy. He barely tastes the deconstructed (split) Banana Split. Suddenly, that seems very insignificant compared to the man whose face looks sinfully delighted at each bite.

As the check comes, Carlos feels like he’s only gotten a taste of something that has only made him hungry for more. He takes a calming breath then decides that he won't risk a final goodbye. “Would you want to split something savory next? Like…now?”

TK beams. “I know just the place.”

Carlos feels another sugar rush, making his heart jump and making him do crazy things for the rest of the night.

[laganpagan]

༻Cicero TK Headcanons༺

// I’ve been holding onto these for a few years so — wall of text incoming //

༻———༺

Type: Lee-Leaning Switch

Lee:

Dear Sithis he is absolutely helpless

Cicero is extremely ticklish. He hasn’t had affection in over a decade. The touch starvation is real.

Brush a few fingers against his side or blow air on his neck, and he'll jump ten feet in the air.

He’s been poked accidentally here and there, but he’s actually never been tickled before.

The first time he does, he gets squirmy and panicky because he’s so unused to it. Afterward, he wouldn’t be able to focus on anything, he’d get too distracted thinking about it for the rest of the day.

Eventually, he realizes that he wants it to happen again, but he’s too nervous to ask and too afraid that you’ll never do it again.

So, instead of asking, he’ll poke you in the side, get in your space, annoy you, anything that would make you want to get him.

Over time, if you’re patient and reassuring, he’ll be comfortable enough to ask you directly (He's still going to be flustered as hell though).

If you ask to tickle him on the other hand, he will be SO happy. Instant good mood. He'll pretend like it's not a big deal, but inside he's melting.

He loves being tickled. Although he’s a jester, it’s not often that he gets to laugh so hard. That, and he really likes the attention.

Teasing him is his biggest weakness. So, he tries to talk/shout over you instead so that you don’t tease him yourself. (“It tickles! / Cicero is ticklish!”)

Any type of teasing works on him. Baby talk, being smug, observations, etc.

Sometimes, he’ll be the one teasing you, even if you’re the one tickling him to bits. (“Is that the best the Listener c-can do?” / “Th-this is nothing-!”)

Cicero’s ticklish everywhere, but his worst spots are his tummy and his sides. The scars on his left side are especially sensitive.

Tummy raspberries might kill him, but I think it would make him do the loudest and silliest laugh.

Light tickles are his favorite. Gently poking at his ribs, tracing circles on his sides, it's enough to get him giggling but not as overwhelming.

He’s very squirmy, but he can’t help it. He won’t actually try to get away though, more often than not he’ll just lean into you and kick his legs.

He likes to play chase, but he’ll always get himself captured on purpose. He’d play up the theatrics too. (“Oh no! Poor Cicero has been cornered! Whatever shall he do now?!”)

His laugh is very squeaky and giggly like it usually is, but it’s a lot more wheezy.

If you get him in a really bad spot, he’ll start to do this hysterical wheeze-cackle, like a madman.

If you get him really really badly, he’ll break character, and stop referring to himself in the third person.

He loves tickle fights. He's capable of fighting back, but most of the time he loses on purpose.

He gets really bad aftershocks. He'll be all giggly while hugging himself on the floor.

Giving him aftercare means the world to him. He’s become so used to taking care of the Night Mother that he’s baffled when someone does the same for him.

Ler:

Cicero is the meanest and teasiest ler ever. He is horrifying. Making people laugh AND suffer? That has Cicero’s name written all over it.

He pays close attention to what spots make you squirm the most, what teases make you the most flustered---

He will remember them all. Every. Single. One.

He is ruthless and cunning. Cicero was an assassin after all. Targeting weak spots is his forte. Turns out it applies to more than murder.

You know that one line he does where his voice drops like ten octaves? Imagine him doing that while he's teasing you. goodbye

Sneak attack tickles. He’ll ‘test’ your ability to sense danger, and his own ability to sneak up on you.

If you’re a lot taller than him, he’ll jump up and latch onto your back like a koala. The only way you’d be able to pry him off is with a crowbar.

He makes sure to not dwell on one spot for too long. He switches from place to place very quickly and sporadically.

His favorite thing to do is to build up anticipation. Slow tapping, wiggling his fingers above you, or keeping his fingers still on one spot - watching you losing it without even doing anything.

Honestly, he’s going to try everything he can think of. And he’s creative. If you’re at the end of one of his ler moods, consider: running

Speaking of, he loves being the tickle monster, often chasing you while singing, “Cicero is coming to get youuuu!~” while laughing maniacally like a little freak

Cicero is a really fast runner, too. He'll slow down because he likes the chase, but if he's deadset on catching you, you don't stand a chance. He outran a werewolf across the entire province, his speed and stamina outweigh yours.

Another thing he likes to do is play "hide-and-seek". The both of you using your stealth for something so silly is really funny to him.

He's a sneaky little bastard. He'll come up to you and give you a hug, and before you know it he has a death grip on you while wrecking your sides.

Cicero loves seeing the Listener laugh. It fills him with pure joy. Especially if they’re the stoic, [Remain Silent] type.

It also fills him with joy to embarrass you. He'll provoke you in public situations, like running a finger up your spine while you’re talking to someone so that you make a weird sound.

Despite everything, he will learn what your limits are. He’s not entirely cruel, at least, not to you.

If you ask him for tickles, his brain will stop working (he’s excited and doesn’t know how to process it)

If Cicero finds out you like it, he'll explode. He's so happy to have someone that's just as playful as he is. He'll feel less nervous when asking for tickles, and when he's absolutely demolishing you.

Cicero takes great pride in being the only one able to ‘defeat’ the Listener. Of course, he will never tell anyone how he does it.

He is very good at giving aftercare. He'll fret if he went overboard, offering tea, a blanket, hugs - but preferably all three.

[aftonfamilyvalues]

I am terrified if men.

I mean my father did everything to me but rape me. And he’d assert dominance over me /threaten me because he didn’t want other guys to sleep with me, date me, didn’t want me to get married, etc.

I’m no contact and he knows better than to contact me because if he does I’ll take legal action. My mom died and she was the one protecting him.

I seek therapy because I want to heal and am repeatedly invalidated about my trauma and about the reality that most men are abusive, sexual predators.

I’ve expressed that I’m sad I didn’t experience ge t romantic love..

Which is only to say that I’m all about separatism and even though I’m not dating men cause I’m traumatized by them, I have this regret over not having been able to explore a healthy sexuality, and a fear of missing out.

The last therapist I had was malicious/emotional abusive. Would read and be on the computer during sessions and deny doing it. Claimed I talked to much, (bad luck with this super narcissistic, very misogynistic old woman, grandmother /in her 60’s,) she ignored me /was very devaluing, then perked up “it can happen at any age!” She either thought I was lying or l exaggerating about being abused, or/and definitely not listening because I’ve never expressed wanting a bf or a husband, ever. Of course I did as a teenager/child. It’s honestly so demoralizing when even a therapist views you as inferior and like your being single is a problem and thinks you’re talking too much and attention seeking.

I’ve never not had a female therapist downplay or invalidate my trauma and male violence. I wish there were more feminist based pyschotherapists / bare minimum, therapists who do not project their family values Bullshit. I’ve never not have had a therapist view me as the problem to all my experiences. I’ve therapists judge me and treat me as subhuman for being childfree and single.

I def need therapy as I’m so traumatized that I’m scared to sleep and not sleeping anymore and it’s impacting my health. I also can’t regulate my emotions well and I’m a fearful avoidant with ptsd, some folks say therapist isn’t necessary because most are bad. I’d honestly argue most therapists have very misogynistic beliefs…

Is there any way to ver that out. I get so gaslight I lost my sense of self/ I’ve had to recover from bad therapy but once out of therapy I start feeling less crazy… I do we’ll months on my own without talking to someone but then need therapi.

I’m legitimently scared of them at this point. I did give my last therapist feed back about her behavior, when I told her “I’m a person, and I don’t deserve this treatment” and then responded with “I don’t believe you” she raged and yelled at me, blaming me for her being distracted, telling me I talked too much.

I’m started to lose hope however that there are therapists who recognize patriarchy and oppression as a root cause to mental illness, rather than a partner as a cure for mental illness 🙄without claiming I’m the problem when I’m the one showing up to therapy for what happened to me. Therapists all just think their patients are mentally I’ll crazy women who can’t get a man. I feel insane when I go to therapy. Because I’m terrified of men and the focus is never on me as an individual, but (I shit you not, and tbh I even told her she was giving me harmful advice,) but tk shift the focus on my “distortion” of why I think I “can’t have that now.”

(I actually believe there are good therapists in just scared to open up now /be devalued/have a therapist not even treat seperatism as viable or even suggest it to me as an option. I don’t need a therapist to suggest it to me but I’d trust one much better who did. It sucks leaving a therapy session feeling worse because you don’t feel good enough.)

I really think most therapists are sexists because they have male bias

i think ive mentioned it before but therapy is more of a business nowadays. all these therapists arent people that actually want to help, very few of them do, most of them saw a growing industry and decided they could bank on it. they dont care to help and heal, they view therapy as a way to make someone (women) "normal" and fit in to society rather than working through trauma and have a healthy life, even if that life isnt the typical one. ive also seen a lot of therapists feed into bad behavior, validating the emotions and victim complexes of abusers all while teaching them a new progressive language to wield against their victims. i still think about how my friend went to therapy and the entire time going culminated into the conclusion of "your life sucks and theres nothing you can do about it" like what???? it seems like traumatized people come out of these sessions worse and i have no doubt that abusers are going into this field to extend their reach. i feel like the more people glamorize therapy the more this is going to happen.

[howtosingit]

S4 E1 Thoughts

Overall I definitely thought this was one of the show’s weaker episodes. It felt messy and clunky and not really what you expect a premiere episode coming back from an 8-month hiatus to feel like. I thought there was too much carnival but also not enough interesting carnival moments. I also pretty much completely checked out after the Tarlos bunk room scene as my brain struggled to wade through that mess, so I just don’t have much to say about all that Owen stuff and Tommy’s new guy 🤷🏻‍♂️ But obviously I’m gonna have some thoughts about the Carlos plot. Oh, that Carlos plot. I will say that, generally, I’m not excited about it. There are things that I get and there are things that I don’t, but honestly at this point I’m just hoping that it can be salvaged by the end of this 4-episode arc. 

There is always a certain amount of handwaving that you have to do with a show like this, when it feels like the writers are just pulling stuff from out of nowhere and throwing it at the characters. Tim has very much gloated about writing this way for the past 4 years, so it’s not a surprise. For me, I think that Carlos has very much escaped that kind of free-spirited story slinging in the past, so it’s unfortunate to see him now be the center of some of it. Anyway, now that a bit of the shock (though we really did all see it coming) has worn off, I’ve been able to sort some things.

What I Get:

I get Carlos coming out to his parents, them not reacting the way he wanted, and then his willingness to please everyone in his life leading him to try and “fix” his problem.

I get him being friends with Iris and him only getting close to Michelle when she disappeared. I’ve had that thought since season 1, so while it wasn’t explicitly planted that season, obviously there was something there to infer.

I get that Iris was the only person there for him after his coming out and that she loved him and he loved her, even if not romantically, and she was feeling just as lost as he was, so these young and confused kids (around 18-20, I’m guessing) made a decision that felt the best for them at that time (or the only option really)

I get that the marriage didn’t work out, that maybe their friendship was damaged as a result, and so they walked away from it all. They grew apart. They saw other people. Iris met Dustin and at some point, her mental health began to suffer.

Then Iris disappeared and for 3 years, Carlos came to terms with the fact that she was dead. He got close to Michelle, and tried to move on. I get that that’s where he’s at when we first meet him.

Then he meets the man that he knows almost immediately he wants to marry, but it’s rough and not straightforward and complicated. Also, Iris is alive! But Iris isn’t doing well, so she needs his healthcare to get the help she needs. Of course Carlos isn’t going to deny her that. And he’s right at the beginning of his relationship with TK, so in Carlos’s mind it doesn’t need to come up right then 🤷🏻‍♂️

So, like, I truly get how and why everything happened the way it did in the beginning.

What I Don’t Get:

I don’t get why they didn’t get a divorce when the marriage first fell apart. Carlos just says it was complicated. Maybe that means we’re getting more of it in the next few weeks, maybe “it’s complicated” is all we’ll ever get. But I still don’t get it.

I don’t get how Carlos was not a bigger deal in the investigation into Iris’s disappearance/possible murder. Like, I’m sure he had an airtight alibi and it was 3 years later when we met him, but... how did this never come up? This just makes Detective Washington look bad at her job, honestly. Not a single mention of their marriage status during all of those conversations? 

I don’t get why it took this long for Carlos to tell TK. Sure, at the beginning of their relationship, maybe it didn’t need to be said since the marriage was really just a piece of paper at that time. But did they never talk relationship history? They moved in together, they bought a loft together. How, at the very least, did it not come up during the conversations about Carlos’s will? Or even during the proposal? Why the damn delay? Especially when he presented it this episode as such a non-thing... it would’ve been even more of a non-thing if he hadn’t waited until they were LITERALLY. GETTING. MARRIED.

[This one I’m going to answer here because it has a reason but not a good one: it’s a TV thing. It didn’t come up before now because the writers weren’t interested in it coming up before now. While I do buy the relationship history between Carlos and Iris being established back in season 1, I do not buy that it was a marriage. I think that was created solely to happen during the Tarlos season 4 wedding plot to complicate the Tarlos marriage. So, Carlos Reyes as a character is suffering and being dragged through the dirt because the writers just decided to make this a thing EVEN THOUGH THE MAN HAS BEEN WITH TK FOR THREE FULL SEASONS AND TAKEN ALL OF THESE STEPS TOWARDS A LIFE TOGETHER. The writers failed Carlos here by thinking that the top of season 4 was the right time for this to come out and that it wouldn’t undermine so much of his character from the past 3 seasons.]

I don’t get TK being so damn chill about it. I hope he doesn’t remain so. That scene was incredibly painful to watch. I didn’t understand either of them. I didn’t understand what was happening. I just didn’t get it. I hope TK gets a moment to really feel about this in the coming weeks because oh my fucking god

[Though let’s be honest, Carlos hasn’t always gotten the opportunity to feel about things either so I guess TK is just getting that same treatment at the moment. The show loves to be like “nah they’re all okay with this now” and just skate on past.]

I don’t get Gabriel and Andrea. Sure, their son comes out to them and they hug him and tell him they love him. Sure, they don’t bring it up again because they think it’s best not to spotlight it or make it into a big deal (I get that impulse, even if it’s a misstep). But then their gay son brings home a girl and then marries her and they just... never talk about it?? According to Carlos they have literally never said another word about his sexuality to him. So, okay, sure, they’re probably thinking the gay thing was a phase and so they accept Iris. But then that marriage falls apart... do they ever ask why? Then Iris disappears. Do they... react at all?? Then they see Carlos at the market with TK and apparently immediately know that they’re together so... the gay thing is back on the table?? Without any conversations in the years between?? And then they’re just like “Yes, TK, we love TK!” But they never question why Carlos never tells TK about his marriage?? And then they get engaged and it’s not the first thing out of someone’s mouth?? What the fuck is going on with these two and the weird-ass whiplash that must be happening in their minds?

[I realized as I was writing that maybe since it’s established that Gabriel and Andrea never brought up the coming out again, maybe they also decided to just never bring up the marriage again to Carlos after it fell apart or after Iris disappeared? Which begs the question... DO THEY EVEN KNOW IF IRIS IS STILL ALIVE?? I tell ya, these next episodes better crack this Reyes family wide open or I swear to god...]

Other Thoughts:

That bunk room scene was really not great at all. Oof, that writing. It felt choppy, so I think they definitely cut a number of lines throughout it. Also, it was just a giant exposition info dump that ruined the flow of the scene’s emotional arc. They had to wedge in the reveal, remind everyone exactly who Michelle and Iris were, have Carlos poorly explain his reasoning, establish his shame and guilt that is clearly going to carry through the next few episodes, have TK be understanding so that the wedding isn’t just suddenly called off, and get us back to the venue update to set the timeline. There’s literally no room for any of it to breathe. Ronen and Rafa do the absolute best they can with dialogue that nearly suffocates them and becomes more confusing as the scene goes on. They struggle to find the through-line of it because it’s just... you can see the puppet strings! OOF. That needed another pass for sure. Or to just, y’know, go in the garbage bin altogether.

FINAL: I really dislike this. I’m convinced that it’s going to be a thing for 4 episodes and then, like everything else in the Reyes family, never mentioned again. It sounds like Carlos is really going to crack open as a character during this arc and while I am incredibly excited about that and I know Rafa is going to do great work, I wish it didn’t have to be riddled with plot holes and characterization inconsistencies. I wish it didn’t taint the return of these characters. I wish it didn’t (slightly) taint all of the great things that we’ve gotten before this. I don’t know what it’s going to do for the future Tarlos scenes, at this point I’m feeling hollow about them. I guess I’ll know in about 3 weeks when they wrap this all up and move on from it. Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to move on from it just as easily as Tim Minear... 🙃

But truly, would it kill a whole fucking room of professional writers to actually think through major character decisions like this?? Did anyone ask any questions at all??

Okay, I’m done for now.

[pragmatic-optimist]

This week's theme: Rec a 'gateway' fic - a fic that you read and it was so good it lead you to read multiple works by the same writer.

The rules: Tag a fic and explain why it was a gateway fic / what you liked about it. Then tag some people to see what everyone else is reading. Spread the love! I'll do the round up on Sunday again, so if you're still recc-ing on Saturday, no pressure. Please tag @welcometololaland or #fic rec friday so I can compile the masterlist!

*****

Very excited about this week’s theme because the first fic of an author you read is a little bit like watching the pilot of a TV show that has several seasons, but you’ve only just found it. So you fall in love, and before you know it, you’ve blinked and spent 12 hours binging as many eps as you can. It’s a great feeling, to chase the same elixir of magic in each story someone has written. There are several fics I could mention here, but I challenged myself to choose fics purely from memory because otherwise I’d be here all day looking through my bookmarks. 😂

911 Lone Star

No Right to Love You by @reyescarlos: If you’ve been following me for a while or if we’ve had conversations about our all-time favorite fics, then you’ve read/heard my unhinged praise for No Right to Love You. It is not an understatement to say that this story was my whole personality for the entirety of April 2021 lol. This canon-divergent season 1 finale fic is truly epic and filled me with so many feels (so much yearning!). Kim posted it one chapter at a time over the course of a weekend, and when she posted the final chapter, I was standing in line at the grocery store when I saw the AO3 notification and proceeded to let out a loud yelp of excitement. There were looks.😂 This story and Kim’s writing were worth the public embarrassment, I just love it so much. 🙌🏾 It was my first Kim fic, and I immediately inhaled everything else she had written for LS.  

Begins at Sunrise by @iboatedhere: Ah, Begins at Sunrise. I’ve read so many of Rae’s fics over the last two years, so it’s really fun to think back to the first fic I ever read. TK and Carlos have the “who are we to each other?” talk on a spontaneous beach getaway because Carlos can’t deny TK anything, and their conversations/interactions here are so Them™️. Also, it’s all just very romantic and there’s a beautiful thread of vulnerability that runs through each scene, tugging at your heart. Given that it is a story set in season 1 circa ep 1x10, I appreciate it was written from Carlos POV and gave us some insight into his headspace after TK got shot. He was so in love already. There are a lot of single lines in this fic that pack an emotional wallop in the best way. As soon as I finished reading it, I hit the subscribe button so fast, and every AO3 email notification I’ve received sharing a Rae original has been a joy. 

All Along There Was Some Invisible String Tying You to Me by @tkstrrand: Alternate first meeting AUs are always a lot of fun because I love the notion that these two people will always find one another no matter what. AJ’s dual POV, ER Meet-Cute for TK and Carlos is a personal favorite. The story is lovely, with TK worried about Owen after accompanying him to the ER and Carlos (a stranger at first, also at the ER worried about his partner) stepping in to offer TK kindness and conversation and then eventually both realizing they don’t want their time together to end (and as the reader, you realize you don’t want your time with this version of them to end either). I loved this one a whole lot, and I am grateful it led to me finding more of AJ’s work! 

Red, White, and Royal Blue

Before This, After That by @orchidscript:  

I have a rule about not reading WIPs because I’m just not the most patient person when it comes to waiting for the next chapter (know thyself, etc). So I wait until the entire story is posted, and then I dive in. BUT every so often, a fic comes along and makes itself the exception to my rule. Before This, After That is the most recent exception. I adore this fic—it’s a great example of why I enjoy reading AUs. I love seeing how a writer captures the essence of the characters as individuals as well as the heart of their relationship and translates it into a brand-new world. This AU does it seamlessly with Alex and Henry. There are certain parts of this story that really feel inspired by Henry’s line from canon, “I thought if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire.” Alex is hired to help Henry recover, but he realizes it’s more than just recovering from an injury, Henry needs to be brought back to life. [insert metaphor about Alex’s presence kindling Henry’s motivation to live]

I love how Alex shows care for Henry. There is a scene early on regarding Henry’s pain meds, and through a conversation, Alex swiftly resolves it. It’s a short scene but a really lovely moment. Henry feels so seen and heard in a way that he clearly hasn’t been since being hurt (or maybe ever). The whole exchange made me 😍😭🥹. The slow burn of this fic is fantastic, and I have also really enjoyed the interactions between Bea and Henry and (gasp) even Phillip. Lol. I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter, and as I wait, I’ll be reading more of orchidscript’s catalog! 

*****

Open tag to anyone who has a gateway fic that lives in their mind rent-free, please share (and tag me so I can add more fics to my marked for later lol). 

[dearweirdme]

Ok so

I sent you an ask & talked about (amongst other things) my feeling that Tk have split up.

It was with some amusement & a fair bit of eye rolling that I read the comments.

First off. Sorry to disappoint some of you, but I am not, never have been & never will be a jikooker.

I think you need to understand that IF Tk split up, it will not make jikook real.

I am also not a ‘Tae bias Tkker that blames Jungkook for everything’ & if the person that said that thinks Jungkook has a say in how Tae is treated by the company & the fake lil7, they need to check themselves.

I sometimes wonder if I’m the only Taekooker that’s ever had more than 1 relationship as the concept of people breaking up seems to be unknown to many?

To answer 1 comment - I specifically said the Jungkook IS NOT a selfish dick - perhaps work on reading comprehension hmm?

While (with due respect as she seems polite from the conversations I’ve seen you have with her) I’d rather not have mrs monaghan agreeing with me, she is actually right about a couple of things -

It appears than ppl in the comments have not watched the lives Jungkook did (I think 3?) that were pretty much all about Jimin - watching videos of him, talking about him & yes, praising him. They were in fact quite jarring as they were such a departure from his usual lives.

And yes, they did spend time together in & around NY - there was plenty of sightings, talk & a couple of photos about it at the time. No doubt some of it was specifically for content as there were cameras & they were wearing mics - we will probably see that soon in Jimin’s documentary.

If it was Taekook, we’d be very happy about all this, just as we have been with seeing them at the premiere, the selca & at Yoongi’s concert.

Why this Jimin centric content is coming from Jungkook, I couldn’t say - especially as I’ve already stated that I’m not a jikooker.

Perhaps as one commenter said, it has to do with image for military service, although I don’t know how the Jikooking fits in.

I can only assume that some of the people commenting are not in gc’s or have moots that talk about what’s happening, so they’re actually not aware of things. Which doesn’t mean they haven’t happened, only that they don’t know about it. We talk about jikookers watching actual content - that goes for Taekookers too - staying in your bubble is like being in an echo chamber- you’re only going to hear & see what you want.

However. Your answer to me (thank you for taking the time, I appreciate the conversation) made sense - I agree that Tae & Jk are very close & they love each other a lot & your point that if they’re only friends, why wouldn’t Jungkook post for Tae, is a good one.

It doesn’t explain why he doesn’t post for Tae or like his tiktoks etc, but I’m aware that we’ll never know - unless we get lucky in the distant future & maybe one of them will write a book & spill a few secrets!

They both seem to be happy - it’s been a joy to watch Tae for the last few weeks (despite the sabotage & lack of support from so called ot7 😑) & he’s achieved a lot. As I’ve already said, I have no doubt that Jungkook will be extremely successful & we know he too will work very hard - I’m happy that it’s unlikely he will face the challenges Tae has & we can hopefully enjoy this time without the anxiety.

I honestly hope I’m dead wrong & that they’re still together- but if they aren’t, so be it, they aren’t fairytale characters & I would always only want them to be happy (together preferably 😬)

Sorry for the long commentary- your patience is commendable 😂

To some of the commenters - don’t assume everyone is a jikooker just because they have a different view or opinion to you - if you talk to enough people with an open mind, you’ll find that there’s a lot of different perspectives out there, it’s just that there’s very few places they can be discussed without instant raising of hackles & hate.

Thanks 😊

Hi again anon!

You are not the only one thinking this way, there’s quite a few doubting Tkkrs at the moment. Which is in all honesty fine. People do break up at times it’s usually for the best even, since breakups are most of the time because something doesn’t work.

There’s a lot of comparing Tkk’s interactions with those of Jkk. The reason for that is obvious ofcourse, but it also creates an either/or situation. To me it’s clear that Jimin and Jk are just friends, so it feels like an odd comparison. I don’t expect friends and partners to act the same. I think Jk’s interactions with Jimin on social media is exemplary of him missing Jimin.. them not spending as much time together as they are used to. That also fit with what we’ve seen in the firat part of the year… Jkkrs themselves were doubting if those two were seeing each other still. I think that is just what it was. I think Jk is a very ‘act in the moment’ guy. I don’t think he planned those lives to be about Jimin up front, I think he was prompted by things (seeing Jm online on weverse, seeing him in his comments, fans asking about him) and he just acted on that because he loves him and felt a sudden surge of fondness. I don’t think those instances were signs of anything more. Ofcourse it were great moments though.. but it doesn’t have anything to do with Jk’s relationship with Tae.

When comparing the two ships’s interactions.. somehow it’s not looked at in terms of private vs public. Because when we look at private interactions.. the scale tips over quite a lot to the other side. We know Tae and Jk have met often. Tae still talks about Jk freely and happily. There’s no reserve, no sadness there.. so that is why I think all is well. Tae’s behavior and comments are quite often being disregarded as ‘yeah, that’s just Tae’.. as if his doings don’t actually count. But he is one part of Tkk so ofcourse what he does and says counts.

I know we’ve not had much the last two months or so.. but the last two months have also been the ones where both Tae and Jk have been the busiest. Both of them are flying all over the world constantly, they have all sorts of projects going.. so that is what makes this time different I think… aside from that I feel Tae and Jk have been pretty consistent.

And yeah… I get a lit of jkkrs on here.. also some pretending to be Tkkrs.. so that’s why people probably saw you as one as well 😬.

[guardian-angle22]

Ok so I wanted to address TK's "issue" with spicy food. I really don't think he has an issue with spicy food. I know that kills the ADORABLE theory of Carlos ordering milder food so he can share it with TK. But here's what I've come to:

In 1x04 TK has no issue with Paul's spicy rigatoni (he grabs a spoon and samples it before they sit down to eat and at the table he was enjoying some large bites there, even talking with mouthfuls).

In 3x12 when Sadie adds the chili oil to their pho, I think she intentionally added more oxy to TK's and then added more chili oil to cover up the taste (as a former addict you really do know what oxy tastes like) and in something like pho, the taste would've come through. I don't think she drugged Carlos as much or needed to add as much chili oil to his. I think she wanted to get TK out of the way because I believe she knew Carlos was going to eventually see her on the security footage.

This is just what I've picked up on, and regardless, if TK's tolerance for spice is low, I still love seeing them share their food. I was kinda hoping we saw it when Owen brought the Chinese food over, too.

I definitely don’t think he is as bad with spicy food as some fandom makes him out to be, that’s for sure. 🤣

I agree with his pho intentionally having more chili oil in it too. Personally, I only ever took that scene to mean he couldn’t handle as much spice as Carlos simply because of Carlos’ teasing line about being a lightweight. It just came across to me as something they had joked about before. I’d say his spice tolerance was mid range - room for improvement but not at Judd level of his “Scottish/Irish constitution rejecting all things cayenne” 🤣

I feel like this is similar to the ~TK can’t cook~ thing within fandom. Technically we don’t have confirmation of that other than never seeing him cook and then the adorable look Owen gives him in 1x9 when asking what TK was going to do about food if he left. But people seem to enjoy having it as a head canon about him. and tbh both him not being able to cook and him having a basic white boy palette seem harmless enough head canons to me that I don’t mind whichever way people want to view them.