#and i justified it like no i’m not GAY mom i just like. i’m using my own body as reference!!

[autoneurotic]

something poetic and hilarious about my mom, who, when i was growing up, was soooo homophobic and now we’re supporting each other’s art which means she’s liking all of my gayass agnes and zoe art.

[wakeupthemembersofbylernation]

People are talking about Will's love life again on Reddit. OP is frustrated because of Will's love life (he thinks Byler is unlikely to happen and is frustrated it's too late to write a decent romance subplot with a new character), and redditors are trying to convince them that acceptance of his family and friends is all Will needs, and that it's ok for him to be single 😬

https://www.reddit.com/r/StrangerThings/comments/12yf9d5/i_cant_help_but_feel_bad_that_will_will_never_get/

It’s honestly so sad and frustrating how this is all they can envision for Will. They say stuff like, “Will’s arc is NOT about Mike liking him back (which is impossible cause Mike is straight), it’s about his friends saying they don’t hate him because he’s gay, and it’s okay to be different.”

“The entire point of Mike’s arc is that he’s straight. And even if Mike doesn’t take Will’s confession well at first- because there’s no guarantee he will-he will come around eventually, and that’s okay and even beautiful cause it’s so REALISTIC. I just love how the writers realistically portray the queer experience in the 80s.”

Let’s be real: none of these people who do the Renegade for “realism” even care about “the queer experience” in the first place. Most of them would prefer if Will wasn’t gay, and many of them complained about the show “ruining a good friendship.” Many of them don’t like Will at all, and many would be fine with Will dying. “Realism” is a cover because as long as Will doesn’t get a happy ending with the boy he loves, they can justify themselves still enjoying the show.

You even saw Melvins on Twitter back when the weird airport hug was being discussed say that it’s just “obvious” why the Duffers didn’t have Mike hug Will: because they’re saving it for the brotherly hug after Will’s inevitable rejection.

Never mind how awkward and weird and unnatural it would be for the Duffers to insert a rejection arc into Mike and Will’s bond in Season 5 after Season 4 ends with them being closer than ever and Mike using words like “we” and “team” to describe him and Will. That’s why many Melvins are convinced that Will already let go of Mike in the van and believe/are hoping the show won’t even bring up Will’s feelings in Season 5. Cause they know it wouldn’t make sense.

“Acceptance of his family and friends is all Will needs, and that it’s ok for him to be single.” But the second we suggest that El can find happiness in her found family, and it’s ok for her to be single, they start seeing red. I’ve seen multiple people say, “El has suffered so much and deserves happiness with Mike MORE than anyone,” which is hypocritical (because Will has suffered too, but many of them don’t care about Will), foolish (turning Mike’s heart into some kind of consolation prize for suffering), and an awful message all around (implying that girls need boyfriends who hero worship them to be happy).

Will ALREADY knows he is loved by his friends and family. He has a loving mom, a strong relationship with his adopted sister, close bonds with the Party, and a best friend in Mike (which is all he’s convinced he will ever be). Mike rejecting Will would not surprise Will in the slightest. Will believes Mike is madly in love with El, and he’s the one who worked to mend their relationship. So it’s not like he would randomly confess. The only way this will come up again- and it WILL- is for Mike to address the fruity elephant in the room.

They really think the boy the show made the explicit decision to emphasize saying, “I’m not gonna fall in love” (not because of any personal dating decision or individual preference, but because he’s convinced love CAN’T be for people like him) is gonna be proven correct???

[wandaluvstacos]

Chapter 44 of Good Investment is now up on my Patreon!

Good Investment is available at the $5/month tier. People who pledge $5 a month have access to not only Good Investment but The Sponsors series (ongoing), Pretty Things (complete), May the Blood Run Pure (complete), and Kept Man (complete), along with the $1/month tier books, the Reflections trilogy (ongoing) and The Halfwife (ongoing).

Adri Schvaneveldt has always felt split between two worlds. In one world, they are the adopted child of a large and conservative Mormon family. In another, she is the CEO of a burgeoning fashion empire that pushes boundaries. But in order to be the latter, Adri first has to find the funding. After gaining a hefty following as a social media influencer/model, Adri has the potential customers– if they can get a reliable production model pounded out. And that means a bit of groveling at the feet of investors, most of who have never even heard the term “non-binary”.

But Adri lucks out with Gideon Snow, whose youth and open mind bring much needed funds to make Adri’s dream of diverse, accessible fashion a reality. Of course, lifting a newborn company to its feet is no small task, and late nights drive Adri to occasional stays at Gideon’s nearby house, where their relationship begins stretching beyond business. Adri knows they can’t put an entire business venture at risk for the turbulent whims of their heart. But reason doesn’t always win out.

Excerpt:

   “Well, she was very upset when she spoke to me—crying, even. She wanted me to call you and ‘talk sense to you’. Those were her words. I mentioned to her that I had met you and Adri at Solitude and then that got her all worked up again. She thinks I’m keeping secrets from her.”

            “Huh, wonder why you would do that,” Gideon muttered. “Do you think she’s told the rest of the family?”

            “She’s told Dad. When they were over for dinner and to see the kids, he was very grumpy and snippy with Mom. You know how he gets.”

            Gideon could imagine. God, he was so glad he didn’t live in Utah anymore. He had to give his sister credit for being willing to put up with it. She had kids, so it made sense she wanted their grandparents in the picture. Gideon often wondered if he was justified for avoiding them. They’d been decent parents to grow up with, and they’d supported him financially when he was abroad in Europe doing dumb shit. His father had loaned him money to start the business whose sale now gave Gideon his early retirement. He wouldn’t be here without them. And yet, the minute he’d graduated high school, he’d never looked back. Only after he’d partied his way through a few years abroad did he realize that hey, maybe he’d been a little fucked up by his upbringing. When he would rather be hungover and penniless on some Belgian pothead’s couch than in his parents’ big gorgeous house at the foot of the Wasatch Mountains, maybe his childhood wasn’t as idyllic as he liked to believe. It was hard to explain why there was such resentment in him. Only Adri and a few others seemed to get it.

            “What do you want me to tell Mom?” Ada asked when Gideon didn’t respond for a moment.

            “Tell her that I’m not speaking to anyone unless they are willing to respect me and my partner.”

            “What would that entail?”

            “It would mean not calling Adri a man, or using him pronouns. That’s probably the baseline. They can call me gay if they want; I really don’t care. It’s Adri I’m a stickler about.”

              “I don’t think Mom will do that.”  

            “Then we have nothing to discuss.”

            “Gideon…” Ada sighed again. “She’s our mom. You can’t just not talk to her.”

            “Sure I can. Watch me.”

[hecksupremechips]

3, 8, and 25 and infinity train for the discourse asks 😈

This is why you’re my bestie you knew just what to do to enable my pretentious about cartoon syndrome 😈

3. Description of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr

There’s a few but the one I’m always haunted by is one that was like “I think we can ALL agree that Ryan smokes weed based on this random line that has literally nothing to do with anything!” Like come on dude keep me out of your grasping shit 😩

8. Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

This is really nitpicky lol but like I don’t think Simon and Samantha were together long enough for her to be like HIS MOM. Like that works for Hazel since Tuba has literally raised her since she was a baby but it’s not the same for Simon. I’m not trying to say that him being abandoned by her wasn’t traumatic or anything, but I don’t think it’s even kinda enough to justify him being more ✨fucked up ✨ than Grace (since that’s usually what people use this but of lore to do)

This is also a nitpick and honestly this probably isn’t as common anymore. Maybe idk I’m not toooo active with this fandom nowadays. But idk sometimes people acted like Ryan was just way more popular and cool than he really is? In the show I mean. While in actuality it seems a lot more like he’s constantly CONSTANTLY trying to be liked but just. Fails at it. He gives off this vibe that he’d be trying to joke around with the popular kids and they’d laugh more at him than with him, and that he’d just kinda take cuz at least he’s getting attention. He also just does a really good job at keeping up his confident persona even when no one is watching. The only time you see him not perform is when he gets abandoned by Min a second time and he just gets really fed up. Then playing in the bathroom with Min is what makes his number go down, what makes the door unlock, what makes the party successful, WHAT MAKES HIM HAPPY. Cuz the only attention that matters is the positive attention he gets from Min because he cares so much about him and he’s satisfied with no one else watching if it means they can be together. I mean a big part of his character arc is him realizing that chasing attention all the time isn’t gonna make him happy, it’s being with people you love. Also none of what I just said is coherent im sorry I am so exhausted 😵‍💫. Basically I’m a Ryan Akagi stan and I go silly thinking about him

25. Common fandom complaint that you’re sick of hearing

That b4 is bad because it was a low stakes plot. Like sorry that this show has to be so goddamn fast paced that we never get to have filler content and so they gave us a season that was more lighthearted in between what would’ve been two very heavy seasons. Sorry you have no whimsy and are bitchless and don’t understand the power of friendship and playing gay music. You’re not invited to my birthday sleepover and it is because of this 😤

[arvandus]

Stranger Things Thoughts:

I’ve been rewatching Stranger Things for the first time and I’m now on season 3.  Here are some of my hot takes:

- Season 1 was truly fantastic. The best season.  The way they built up the suspense and the mystery... I was scared all over again even though I knew everything, which was a testament to its quality.

- Still pissed at Nancy for ignoring her friend who was obviously miserable and uncomfortable just so she could hang out with her boyfriend. I would NEVER.

- Bob deserved better.

- There’s a definite vibe change in the setting from season 2 to season 3 and I’m not sure how I feel about it.

- Joyce is an absolute beast and I fucking love her; she’s probably the closest character to me emotionally. It’s that mom energy - the way she cares for El in season 1 and her tiger mom vibes for Will... I can relate deep in my soul.

- Poor Will deserves better. He’s suffered so much!

- The confrontation between Will and Mike in Season 3, where Mike says, “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” and Will gets this wide-eyed look... THAT was the moment.  That was the moment when it clicked for Will why he was so jealous of El and Mike. It was the first time he finally understood what his feelings *meant* which was probably a big part of why he ran away, hid away in his hide-out, called himself “stupid” and then took a bat to everything. And then tried to brush the whole conflict off as “not a big deal” when it obviously WAS a big deal. Poor boy realized he was gay and wanted to bury that shit waaayyy deep so one one could find it.

- On a side note, I can only imagine what Will might have been thinking... he’d been taken the upside down where he almost died, was pretty much impregnated against his will (recall the baby Demogorgon he coughed up??) possessed, and the Mindflayer STILL has some hold on him because he can sense him when he’s active.  And with the way that homosexuality was treated in the 80s, I’m sure he thought he was a monster, a freak, that maybe the feelings he had for his best friend were wrong and vile.  That they were something that was the result of what he’d gone through, something that was done to him, rather than it being a very natural and acceptable part of who he was as a person.  THIS POOR BOY I CAN’T RIGHT NOW.

- Mike started out as such a good character but each season has gotten progressively worse and it makes me so sad...

- I remember El’s abilities being so badass when I first saw them; but now on the rewatch, they’ve lost their impact for me because I’m so used it (and it’s very overdone every season - can she level up...? Like... at all?).

- Steve and Nancy never really had a breakup...? Like... wtf was that?  They had a fight during the party and the day after... but like... an actual breakup wasn’t established? And then Nancy hooked up with Jonathan?  Excuse me, but what??

- I miss season 3 Robin when she was less chaos incarnate and more smart, snarky nerd.

- Steve and his bat are the OTP.

- I like all the scenes that have the clock ticking sounds... it all ties it in together which I enjoy.

- Season 3 Hopper is SO FLAWED but tbh I appreciate it because it’s important for his character development.

- On a side note, the running theme of his abuse of his power as chief of police makes me cringe a little thanks to real life events. I know it’s just a show and we as the audience know he’s the good guy so his actions are ‘justified,’ but still... the overall theme of “I can do what I want because of my authority” has not aged well, imo.

- I’m not looking forward to season 4 because I know what’s going to happen and I’m not ready for that pain again....

[helenarlett-rex]

So a little back story for you all. I come from a very religious, homophobic family. Which as you might imagine, makes it very hard on me, being a gray-asexual amab demigirl married to a trans woman. Essentially I’m still in the closet about everything when I’m around my family. You ever see that comic with the two male lions and the one is shaving off the other one’s mane, then they are standing outside the one’s parent’s house, ringing the door bell, and the shaved lion, now wearing a dress, says, “Next year you’re shaving to meet MY parents...” Ever see that one? I’d post it if I could flipping find it again... Well that’s pretty much my life... The only other person in my family who isn’t out of their mind, is my brother... Who married what was at the time a lovely young woman who later came out as non-binary. And instead of being me and finding work arounds to remain in the closet, they decided to actually come out to my parents about it. They did it just this past Christmas. My parents of course reacted exactly the way I expected them to react... By flipping out, telling my brother that he has forever ruined Christmas, and refusing to use they/them pronouns for his partner. And to make matters worse, my mother calls ME about it and spends the better part of a couple of hours ranting and raving about it as if she expects my closeted ass to take her side and justify what she did. Went so far as to try to quote Bible scripture to me which I was quick to tell her didn’t have anything to do with what she was talking about and that she was twisting it to try and make it fit her own ends... She didn’t appreciate that, but she also didn’t seem to take the hint that I was on my brother’s side. Even when I tried to explain the workings of the English language to her and point out the existence and the workings of the singular they, she still didn’t seem to get the message. And that’s been bothering me since Christmas...

Now of course I’m not going to come out to her. Yeah... not ready to take that kind of abuse now that I’ve seen what it looks like. But today my wife, Violet, loudly announced that it was time to be gay and do crimes. And after thinking about it for a bit, I realized I would like to do crimes this year. Maybe it’s not an actual crime... but I have thought of a deliciously wicked little way to get back at my mother for what she put my brother and his partner through. (Not to mention making me sit through listening to her trying to justify herself when there was clearly no justifying it.) I thought to myself, if Mom refuses to call my brother’s partner by They/Them pronouns because she says “it will cost her her salvation,” what if their pronouns suddenly became something else? Something that was also gender neutral... and there was an actual legal reason for it that had nothing to do with gender...? Hell... what if mine did the same? What if not just her child-in-law, but one of her own children as well were now insisting on being called by a gender neutral form of address and had a legal reason for it with documentation to back it up? One that she couldn’t go running to her Bible to try and demonize...

What am I talking about? Well... the proper form of address for a Duke is my grace/your grace. Instead of saying “he ruined Christmas” or “she ruined Christmas” you would say “my grace ruined Christmas.” Mom can’t go trying to demonize that the same way she did with they/them. I mean, her argument was incorrect anyways, but she still tried. But with a noble title...? Titles of nobility existed and were used even in the Bible. What is she going to do? And the title of Duke is perfect because in addition to my grace being completely gender neutral, Duke itself is gender neutral. Most people mistakenly believe that a man is a Duke and a woman is a Duchess, but Duchess is just a title given to a Duke’s wife. A woman can still be a Duke herself. Queen Elizabeth II was also known as the Duke of Lancaster.

Oh but the best part is, while I completely intend to buy my nonbinary sibling-in-law a Duke’s title, I’m not going to inform my mother of that little detail right away. I’m going to buy one for myself first and excitedly share the news with my mother that I am now a Duke. Get her used to it... More importantly, get her used to calling me my grace/your grace... Because I’m sure as long as she doesn’t suspect any gender politics are at play, she won’t have any problem going along with it... And only then, after she’s feeling nice and comfortable, will I inform my brother that he can tell mom that his partner is also a Duke now. Then I get to sit back and watch my mother sweat as she slowly realizes that she now has to give in and address my sibling-in-law by a gender neutral term just like we all wanted, or be forced to admit to being a hypocrite.

So now I’m just sitting here watching my bank account, waiting for my paycheck to drop. In a few hours you will be able to call me Your Grace, Helen Arlet the Duke of Merania. Maybe not a crime in the eyes of the law, but it will certainly be a crime against my mother’s sensibilities once she realizes what has happened.

[dearjas]

on,

If I had to attribute my 2022 nervous breakdown to ANYone, it would be Taylor Tomlinson. And I feel justified in saying that because if anyone can take a fucking joke, I hope it would be a comedian.

Anyways, back to what I was trying to say.

It’s your birthday and I want you to be happy about it because you and me both made it to 28. And as we both know, neurocognitively and presently speaking, being 27 is a fucking wild ride. I barely made it to 28, and even you had to inch me along there part of the way, if not all of the way. That’s why it’s currently May 10th 2022 and I had to start writing this now because I am going to add to it all year based on what happens/what pops into my wacky little head.

A big thing I want to say right off of the bat is that I’m sorry I never made as much of a deal out of your birthday as you always did with mine. I think I did once but I never delivered as much as you did for my 18th birthday a little over 10 years ago. So that’s why I wanna go hard for this one for you because you flew across the country for me on my birthday once upon a time and I want to make sure I repay the favor. Because it was never a favor, it was never an ask, it was just the happiest day of my life when you were there for me and always has been, ever since then.

insert pause because I’m making a sandwich for alberto and my roommate josh right now, who is essentially a live in best friend for us

anyways ideally you are either in or on your way to paris right now and I was so happy when you told me that because that was the first great european trip I ever took as an adult and hopefully not the last but idk with how things are looking in regards to COVID and the literal handmaids tale we have going on in the year of our lorde 2k22

it’s occurred to me that this year is the 10 year anniversary to where we had both the best and the worst year of our relationship, and I wonder what you make of that.

I try not to pose too many questions to you right now because I don’t want to overwhelm you like I maybe did 10 years ago, but also at the same time I want to document everything I’ve wanted to say and not say because I don’t know if you will one day (hopefully) read or want to read this because I really hope we are friends by now, and by that I mean friends who tell each other things instead of make the mistakes we made a literal decade ago.

2014 you told me a lot of things, namely, that you still loved me, and that you still wanted to be friends.

2020 you told me happy birthday, which kinda floored me tbh

2022 you told me you were/are gay, and I feel like sexuality is fluid and complicated, at least mine is, so I don’t write that in any way in particular besides that you and I have danced around these kinds of topics for many years

and I keep watching and reading and seeing things and signs and all I want to know is what I am going to write in my short term notes app instead

I wonder if we’ll get there

never say never

wednesday may 11th 2022

I just tried watching the video you sent me because I missed you and I’m trying not to bother you via text

I could barely do 30 seconds of the video which starts with mexican music and I was already lowkey freaking out because my mom’s friend brought over some mole which I know I don’t like but still tried to eat anyways

and now I hope that’s not a metaphor for something else

all I want to know is what you want to happen and you tell me as best as you can that you want to be adult friends

which is what I want too

but its like I need to detox from you and idk if you’ve already done that from me

and I know I just need to sit tight and do my program but it’s so hard and they keep saying they don’t think its the right program for me

and I’m inclined to agree.

still wednesday

I’m thinking about your video and I’m still confused on what you’re trying to tell me

because one of your friends in the video said that you are loyal

but what does that mean when it comes to you and me?

you asked me this year, 2022, why do things have to be at the expense of myself?

does your loyalty count for anything when it comes to me?

does it come at the expense of yourself?

I should damn hope not.

and you know that too already.

why do you think I ask if you’re okay, if we’re okay, if you can handle seeing me?

because I know what we are/were

what we could be and you never wanted that or you wanted it too much and not enough at the same time, you couldn’t want it

you didn’t feel allowed

I want you to feel like you have permission to love instead of hate

maybe you already gave it to yourself and this is who you are now

I miss you so much it both hurts and helps

in unprecedented fucking times such as these

May 11th 2022

How did you learn to turn off the multithinking about me?

A hard reset?

You said you came crashing down and you had maybe what I had in March 2022

May 12th 2022

Am I just telling you things you don’t want to hear now? Is it too late?

The timing is not my fault I know.

Did you ever love me for me or did you just love me because I’m like the sister you never truly had?

Alberto says sometimes it’s not about being satisfied, it’s about being a little less unhappy and just doing the best you can

But I don’t stop until I’m satisfied with how things are

May 14th 2022

You know those posters or chalkboards labeled ‘Before I Die’?

Whenever I see them I write that before I die I want to see you again

I think that’s one of the biggest reasons why I reached out to you when I was on my way up and down and out

Because I’m not leaving this planet without seeing you first, I promised myself that much

And a promise is a promise.

[xiaq]

I posted 1,113 times in 2021

423 posts created (38%)

690 posts reblogged (62%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.6 posts.

I added 710 tags in 2021

#mylife - 183 posts

#lol - 133 posts

#deacon - 70 posts

#myface - 65 posts

#answered asks - 49 posts

#belgian malinois - 49 posts

#myfic - 47 posts

#laugh rule - 45 posts

#hows deacon today - 36 posts

#professor things - 33 posts

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#i'm currently using my personal laptop for work things because my work laptop was getting repaired and then i was quarantined

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Just spent over an hour on the phone with a nearly incoherent drunk teenager who moved halfway across the US to follow her boyfriend to college only to find out that he's been cheating on her since the first week of the semester. She found out because he broke up with her so he could be with the other girl. She thought they were going to get married and live happily ever after and now her whole world (justifiably) feels like it's ending. This is a friendly reminder to think long and hard about following a significant other to college if you don't actually want to attend that college yourself. I've seen this happen way too many times and everyone thinks that their sacrifice will be worth it long term and that they're going to beat the odds and I literally do not know a single person who that's actually worked out for. The only high school sweethearts I know who are still together are my parents (they got married at 18. My dad didn't go to college, but supported my mom through engineering school while pursuing his own career) and a couple who went to different colleges in different states and maintained a long-distance relationship for 3 years before moving to the same city and getting married a year later.

For my teenage followers: Please be selfish with your college choice (and maybe think long and hard about whether you even need to go to college, but that's a different soapbox). It's ok to put yourself first, here. Love does not require martyrdom. Someone who truly loves you and wants the best for you is not going to demand that you put aside your plans/dreams so you'll be easily accessible to them.

6842 notes • Posted 2021-09-28 05:33:25 GMT

#4

10206 notes • Posted 2021-10-23 00:52:42 GMT

#3

Y'all ever read a book or a fic and you get to the end and you're suddenly mad at yourself? Like. You idiot. You absolute fool. You should have slowed down. You should have savored it. It was so good and you didn't appreciate it enough. You will never get to experience this for the first time again. Shameful.

10427 notes • Posted 2021-03-04 05:04:09 GMT

#2

Small Town Grocery Store Stories: LGBTQ+ friendly edition

Me: minding my own damn business in the grocery store

One of my students and a few of his teammates enter the dairy aisle. 

My student is holding hands with one of his teammates. 

My student: Oh hey, Professor X!

Me, who has both my student and his girlfriend in my class: ...Hello

My student, looking at his hand-holding partner: Oh! Don’t worry. My girlfriend knows. Not that I’m cheating! I’m not cheating. I’m not gay.

Hand Holding boy: Not that being gay is a bad thing! It’s a good thing!

My student: Right! But no, listen. We aren’t together, we just hold hands in public sometimes.

Hand Holding Boy: Especially on Friday nights. And weekends. And at away games.

My student: Because sometimes people will say shit and then we can fight them! And if the fight started because someone was being homophobic, coach won’t get mad at us.

Hand Holding Boy: Always nice to threaten a homophobe. And [gesturing to another boy in the group] maybe they’ll think twice about saying something to [other boy’s name] if he ever gets a boyfriend and wants to hold his hand for real. The Gay One, resigned but smiling: I’ve decided it’s sweet and not really fucking weird.

37354 notes • Posted 2021-02-13 01:29:46 GMT

#1

Ever since I found out that earthworms have taste buds all over the delicate pink strings of their bodies, I pause dropping apple peels into the compost bin, imagine the dark, writhing ecstasy, the sweetness of apples permeating their pores. I offer beets and parsley, avocado, and melon, the feathery tops of carrots.

I’d always thought theirs a menial life, eyeless and hidden, almost vulgar—though now, it seems, they bear a pleasure so sublime, so decadent, I want to contribute however I can, forgetting, a moment, my place on the menu.

Feeding the Worms by Danusha Laméris

37396 notes • Posted 2021-04-26 23:56:45 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[epicene-humanoid]

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times. 

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through). 

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

 and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode. 

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that. 

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous. 

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

[khaleesiofalicante]

I wanna start this off by saying robert lightwood is surely an asshole and i am not in any way trying to justify his behaviour.

The first part of the new chapter (TLND) had me thinking because while what Robert was saying was bad… he still has a point. I get that he can’t expect alec to be closeted and pretend to he someone he’s not but at the end of the day he IS trying to protect his son. While he isn’t doing it correctly per se, he’s trying.

When I was figuring out my sexual orientation i asked my mom what she would do/say if i told her i was gay/queer and she said she’d tell me about just how much more difficult life would be for no valid reason and explain to me that there’ll always be people who will hate me without ever getting to know me. She then told me she’d still support me and love me but hope I’m not [gay/queer] because life would just be harder.

I know that many of us already KNOW this when we realize we’re not straight but to hear someone else say it out loud is just so different. Especially as someone who used to live in a dangerous place to be queer and now lives in one of the safest places for lgbt+ people, what she told me was like a harsh reality check that no matter how nice ans supportive people are online, homophobia still deeply exists in our society (regardless of where we live).

As i was reading that part i was literally in tears because I’ve had a similar conversation with my mom and while i wanted to hate robert for it i can’t because i can see and understand where he was coming from.

This is a very valid argument.

I do think Robert was coming from a good place. But the way he went about it was wrong and he didn't handle it well. It's the same with Robert in canon too.

And I totally understand what you mean. I do hope you are feeling better.

We'll see Robert and Alec again very soon :)

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[manchesterau]

my thoughts after reading my policeman: SPOILERSS of course!! (ignore spelling or grammar mistakes) (this is very ramble-y and not as in depth as it could have been sorrryyy lol, if you want specifics send me an ask after reading this)

okay...so i read the book in 3 days....which....im very proud of myself bc it takes me so long to finish books but that’s not why you are reading this.

im not going to lie to you...i liked the book. i love angst, and this had plenty of it and i liked it. if you like books such as: harry potter, six of crows, red queen, red white and royal blue you will not like this book. i know many people found it boring, which yeah i can see that, but i didn't find it boring at all. but mostly because i love boring books but that's beside the point. 

the book flowed easily, there isn't a bunch of raunchy sex scenes that ive seen people say it has (i...the things ive read idk what book they even read????) and Tom does has backward views on marriage and what it means to be a wife. but he is not overtly sexist or misogynist or abusive, or subvertly those things either. to be frank he's a scared gay man in the 50s trying to not get caught and thrown in jail. that's literally it. (ill go more into detail on him later). but if you want to read this book i recommend you go in knowing that there will be homophobia (the word queer is used as a slur....3 times or 4 but no more than 5), expect outing, expect not supportive characters, and remember to have some compassion (more on this later).

next i want to go into characters: starting with tom, then Marion, then Patrick, and then the other characters. so if you are planning on reading this book or just dont want to be spoiled them....don't read the next bit.

Tom:

I'm going to get this out of the way.........Tom (who we never get to know outside of the two-point of views we are presented with, and who is being played by Harry) is a police officer in the 50s UK. to be frank when the rumors first went around I was mad like a lot of people were, which is funny because when we got those pictures of harry reading the book before all the speculation we were....happy, that he was reading a book about a gay man. now...I don't care honestly. I could call out the hypocrites (i won't) and honestly I'm hypocritical myself. I use to watch shows like svu (if you were to turn it on right now I wouldn't turn it off) and I enjoyed watching svu. I know and have seen a lot of mutuals, people on my dash enjoy cop shows like b99, or who like actors who have played the character of police before. so it would be hypocritical of me to be mad at him (this is just my single black opinion) and then go and turn on svu (which I don't do anymore). 

I'm not saying that no one can be mad, I'm not saying that the anger people have at him playing this role is bad or not needed or valid. all I'm saying is.....is that I don't care. I got angry over this months ago, and all that anger I felt I don't have anymore, and I can't tell you why. Harry is playing an abusive demented husband who traps his wife in a simulation, and then he will play a gay policeman trying not to face persecution..........and that's that. nothing I can say will reach him, he's playing these roles and there is nothing I can do. will I watch them (pirating of course) yes.

anyways let's get back to tom's character (do not use my opinion to silence other black people I will find you....don't do that shit weirdo): tom is......tom?? like I literally was expecting the worst when I read this because of what other people had to say. but as I'm reading him through the eyes of Marion (his wife) and through the eyes of Patrick (his...true love, fuck the 50s I hate the 50s) one word came to mind constantly: scared. Tom is very scared that he will be found out and his life will be ruined. His family knows about him, which is why I think his father (more on him later) pushed him to be in the national service (where he was a cook, which disappointed him). you don't realize his family knows and then his sister says something and then you go 'wait....THEY KNEW???' and then you will go 'oh so that's why-' 

tom does have old fashion views that you would expect of any man at that time (gay or not it's the 50s and gay men are still capable of saying sexist shit). when asked by Patrick if women should still work after having a kid he said no it's the men's job to provide, Marion said she would like to keep working, he said no when they do have a baby (they literally never did, and idk why he thought he could be intimate with her for that long to produce a baby lol). that's....the most sexist thing he said in the whole book (there maybe some small things im forgetting but nothing that really stood out). that's it. I know it's not small and that was a legitimate issue in the 50s but yeah. Just in case you were apprehensive about Tom's character being a raging woman-hater, no,....he just wasn't a true feminist yet (???? I don't know that's like..the most this book says about an issue women were facing at this time). It's still bad what he said (you'll see how Marion justifies it in the book and both Patrick and her don't agree and try and challenge him on his view).

i dont want to go too in depth but it is very obvious from the beginning he has no and i mean ZEROOOO interest in her at all (you can tell when it hits him that he needs a wife and he starts to act a littleee different but it's not romantic at alll). 

i feel like my review on tom is shit but like!! we don't really get to know him without bias from Patrick and Marion. I think Harry will play a wonderful Tom (even tho he doesn't not fit the description for Tom...at all....like at alllll).

To summarize Tom: very scared gay man from the 50s who is trying to do everything he can to not be found out. his family knows, even he knew at a young age, and yes he does quit being a police officer but it doesn't happen as soon as id like but then again he wasn't one for that long if you pay attention to the years.

Marion:

😑 

i just...if yall could see the notes i made on her.....

To summarize Marion: SHE IS LIVING IN LALA LAND, TOM LITERALLY SHOWS HER NO ROMANTIC INTEREST AT ALLL, AND WHEN SHE METS PATRICK FOR THE FIRST TIME SHE FREAKING NOTICES THAT HE'S ALL BLUSH-Y AND SHIT LIKE...GIRL.....

this is a note i wrote that sums up her and tom's relationship (which is more like friends then anything romantic i mean god their honeymoon was horrible and he proposed to her....nvm 😑)

listen...i can't lie and say i didn't feel sorry for her up until the end when she (spoilers: she outs patrick to his employer which ends up with him getting arrested). after that...ive never hated a character more in my fucking LIFEEEE like oh my god i was pissed

all she does is have fantasies about him being romantic with her (holding hands, hugging, etc) and none of them come true...BECAUSE HES GAYYYYYY i really....the author could have done a better job because there were so many damn red flags.

she's fucking annoying and whiny and yeah it sucked to be a woman in the 50s but you literally outed someone your husband was in love with and thought that you could just go back to being married like he's not devastated and instead of telling what you did you stayed unhappy and made your husband thing that at any point they were coming for him too.......*****

Patrick:

PATRICKKKKK

Patrick and tom deserved a fighting fucking chance i hate the fuck 50s fuck you 50s!!!! I absolutely LOVEDDD his pov and seeing Tom through his pov like it was just so damn refreshing seeing the world through his eyes and how he navigates his queerness in the society they live in. (the dichotomy between a proud gay man and a scared maybe proud but fear overrules that (talking about Tom here) gay man).

There was a lot more to say on how gay men were being persecuted at this time than how women were treated in this particular book. There were some little things here and there about what was expected of Marion as a wife and of a girl/woman at that time but it wasn't the focus.

I loved seeing the way Patrick navigated through his world of art and creativity. And how Tom seemed to fit right in with him.

I hate the things the author made Patrick go through (outed, sent to prison, stripped of his job, and later on in the present day he has had 2 strokes in his 70s). it felt a bit much but it's not too distracting (Patricks pov takes place in the past as he writes in his journal). 

Patrick and Julia (more on her later) are my two favorites in the whole book (Tom is third bc he's a very multi-facted character, Marion is not even on the list) and I wish we got a lot more of Patrick's pov.

Other characters!! (speed round bc this is wayyy too long):

Syvlie (Tom's sister): SYVLIEEE IM MAD AT YOUU I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WHYY WHYYY

Julia: JULIAAAAA QUEEENNN (you'll see why i love her at the end) 

Tom's parents: his father is abusive point-blank. or at least i think he's abusive (verbally). as im writing this i am now realizing that the way Tom's mom reacts to him (sometimes crying) is bc they knew he was gay omg wow.

tom's dad is very much a man's man guy?? Picture a sexist man from the 50s....now picture him with a gay son.....yeah, I'm not surprised Tom went into national service then to the police force. you can tell he didn't want anyone to find out about Tom so he pushed him to do what he thought best and Tom went with it, scared. 

overall: please do not go into this book expected things to be all flowers and rainbows...this is a book about two gay men in the 50s yall.....

there is something to be said about the tragedy that is in a lot of queer stories, I'm more interested in how white these stories are (that's a rant for another time). but I don't mind my policeman, and i think stories like this should be told. because this actually happened (here is a link to em forster's story where the author takes inspiration from, he really had an affair with a policeman!!! who had a wife!!!).

the ending is bittersweet, and i couldn't help but curse for what could have been. Marion could have not outed Patrick (which she instantly regretted), she could have gotten a divorce (she even contemplated it), they could have been more secretive, Julia could have not said what she said. I think Patrick and Tom were sadly doomed from the start, I just wish they had more time together because I loved seeing their love (the little glimpse we got) bloom into something bigger than them.

thank you for reading!! here are random screenshots of my notes as i read this lol enjoy!!

can’t*

[polonium-snap]

Iruma-kun! characters as my favorite fanfic lines

Agares: Do NOT monologue at me about your issues. Keep them inside like the rest of us pal.

Allocer: I may not be beautiful, but at least I know a lot of useless information

Asmodeus: like yeah I’m gay, but I also have questionable morals and blood on my hands so fucking try me.

Ameri: That’s so romantic, I’m staring to tear up, but I refuse to cry while Old Town Road is playing.

Clara: [at clara] “Is...Is she carring that baby like a Gucci purse?” he managed to choke up.

Elizabeth: You want me to weaponize my thiccness for the forcess of good?

Gaap: [at Gaap] “Let’s grab the himbo and blow this joint.”

Iruma: (...) “all while his brainworked itself into overdrive from the mental gimnastics he was attempting in order to figure out what the fuck was going on.”

Jazz: I told him ‘hey if you died I would legally be obligated to come after you and drag you back’.

Kalego: (...) ”I’m not evil” He reminds himself on a daily basis. “I am justifiably petty.”

Kerori: I’m a professional dancer today, and a potencial Dance Mom tomorrow. I have options. 

Lied: I never asked to be born and yet here I am. Alive and Suffering.

Opera: I don’t think it ever ocurred to me you could do something as ordinary as die.

Purson: I’d say I’m sorry, but I don’t believe in lying.

Sabnock: Kids beating the shit out of each other is just modern day equivalent of dueling at sunrise and I stand by that.

I beg you send me your favorite fanfic lines

[mychemicalrachel]

So I finished season 2 of Love Victor a few days ago but I needed time to process because that was a lot and part of processing is reviewing/reflecting, which I’m gonna post here. Everything under the cut because I ramble.

(also, it’s anti Victor/Rahim. Venji is endgame and you can pry that from my cold dead hands. Skip this if that’s not for you. I’m not posting this to start drama. Just my opinions.)

To start off, I liked this season. I’m gonna trash it a little, but it’s done with love. There were a lot of things I wanted to see after season 1 and, surprisingly, I got a lot of those things! Such as…

I wanted more Felix and Pilar. Which we got. I did not want it like this. I’m not opposed to them together, I like them, but I wanted Felix and Lake to stay together. HOWEVER, I’m kinda glad they broke up because y’all it’s paving the way for bi Lake (another thing I really wanted) and I cannot wait to see her and Lucy together.

Kind of following along with that, I really wanted them to give Pilar more friends this season. And they did that with Rahim. And then they took Rahim away and gave him to Victor instead. Guys, this is killing me. I want to see Pilar with actual friends, give her more of a social life I am begging you.

JACK. I knew, I just KNEW, that we were going to get a Spier cameo this season and I honestly kind of expected it to be Emily, maybe Nora, but I am so happy it was Jack. He’s grown so much since Love Simon.

I wanted to see Mia portrayed as her own person and not a villain. She was justified in her anger and betrayal because Victor hurt her. They handled it really well I think. She’s such a good friend. I’m also glad we got more of her and Veronica bonding. I can’t wait to see Mia with the baby, that’s gonna be so cute.

I wanted more Andrew and this season did not disappoint. He was like the cool uncle that everyone went to for advice. 

Now, with all of that said, I did get a lot of things I wanted from this season. I also got things I did not want. I was actually really excited when they introduced Rahim and kind of went full circle by having him go to Victor for advice. I was like, hell yeah! Gays who can be friends without being all over each other! And then they started this love triangle thing and I kind of hated it. I liked Victor and Rahim as friends, I want more of that because I think Victor (and Rahim, too, to be honest) could use more queer friends. Just friends. They built up this entire relationship between Benji and Victor in season 1 and spent a lot of this season confirming that yeah Benji and Victor are in love even though they have some tough times, and now I’m just supposed to accept that Victor has started having feelings for someone else? No thank you, please stop.

And that leads me to things I want to see in season 3!

Victor chose Benji obviously. You cannot convince me otherwise. Someone he started having feelings for when he was going through a mentally distressing time in his life fails in comparison to the guy he spent an entire season falling in love with.

Now I’m not discounting Victor’s feelings. I’m sure he felt something for Rahim, but we need to acknowledge that Victor was in the middle of a stressful time. He had only recently come out, he was dealing with his mom not accepting him or his boyfriend, he quit the basketball team, he was struggling with his place in his and Benji’s relationship and then Benji wanted to “take a break”. He can’t be blamed for latching onto someone who wholly accepted him and made him feel normal.

Also, it’s fairly common to play into the trope of “this character is new to being gay, he can’t just be with one person so we have to add another love interest and make sure what he’s feeling for person A is real.”

That said! Benji will probably feel insecure now! And that’s okay! Let’s explore that! Let’s allow Benji to be the one who's insecure in this relationship for once instead of always having Victor be the one to doubt everything! They don’t have to break up to take a step back and slow things down!

As such, I really want to go back to the Victor/Benji roots. Make them friends again. I want stupid cute moments like them dancing to Call Me Maybe and trying on thrift store clothes. We spent so much of this season making Victor and Benji boyfriends that we kind of skipped over the whole friends aspect. There’s a reason they fell in love in the first place and we need to revisit that. A relationship is not just sex and miscommunication. It’s laughing together, it’s enjoying each other's company, and I didn’t see nearly enough of that between Victor and Benji this season.

They were not at all subtle with the parallels between Felix and Victor this season; Felix having to choose between Lake and Pilar while Victor has to choose between Rahim and Benji. I mean, I don’t think it was supposed to be subtle. It couldn’t have been more obvious. And at first I was worried that Felix chose Pilar because of the parallels and that must mean Victor was going to choose Rahim. But the longer I look at it, the more differences I notice in their parallels and I don’t have the eloquence to unpack it all right now, but it all just made me more assured that Victor is going to choose Benji.

Moving away from Victor/Benji, there’s something that keeps bothering me; it’s when Felix and Lake had sex at the lake. Cute romantic moment, yeah sure, I probably wouldn’t have thought much of it, except it made a deal out of Felix buying condoms beforehand. He was prepared. That’s good. Only, when they went out to jump into the lake, they only had towels. Which means that there is a very good chance they didn’t use protection. That, coupled with Georgina’s comment about watching Teen Mom...I foresee a pregnancy scare in the coming season. Whether it’s an actual pregnancy and we get a whole pregnancy storyline (possibly an abortion, maybe a miscarriage. I don’t really see it going full term for whatever reason) or if it’s just an episode where Lake thinks she might be pregnant.

I’m pretty excited to see how they handle this newfound romance between Lucy and Lake. Does Lake already know she’s bi? Does Lucy? Lake made a comment at the beginning of this season about making sure everyone knew Mia didn’t turn Victor gay, which makes me wonder how Lake will react to discovering she also likes girls. No, I’m not saying she’ll think Felix turned her into a lesbian. But I think she’ll doubt her feelings for Lucy. She’ll think (however briefly) that maybe she was just hurt and maybe she doesn’t actually like Lucy, she’s just coping with having her heart broken by a boy.

But I want all of her doubt to end when she accepts that she’s totally bisexual.

Now that we got our bi character, I’m gonna start demanding an ace character, too.

I want Mia’s mom to be awesome. Her dad kind of sucks and she deserves at least one good parent.

HOWEVER, if her mom also sucks, I think it could bring her and Veronica closer.

Speaking of parents, I want to explore Lake’s relationship with her mom more. She always tells Felix about how she was pressured to be skinny, and that right there is a terrible basis for a mother/daughter relationship. But she also felt comfortable enough to tell her about Felix’s mom and ask for help. So yeah, I definitely want more of them. I need Lake to stand up to her mom, though. I need her to be like, “you made me insecure in my body and I have self esteem issues because you made me think I wasn’t good enough” and I want to expand on that. Maybe Georgina had a good reason (in her mind, anyway) to treat Lake like that, and while it may have been a horrible thing to do, I don’t think she saw it that way. I’m not saying she should win a mother of the year award, but what she did to Lake needs to be acknowledged and talked about.

And then there’s Felix’s mom. I want to see her recovery. It’s a process and I don’t want her to magically be okay now. I also want her to meet Pilar (and Victor. Has Victor ever met her?) but also she really liked Lake and I want them to keep in touch, even though Lake and Felix aren’t together anymore. I still want them to be friends. 

AND I HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED TALKING ABOUT ISABEL AND ARMANDO. I’m glad they found their way back to each other, but again; it’s a process. I think they should stay apart for a little bit and not just jump back in where they left off. They still have problems to sort through, but this is a start. They’ve realized they want to be together.

[abarbaricyalp]

Idk if you are still taking prompts, but you know the vine two dudes chilling in a hot tub 5 feet apart cause they're not gay, and a girl quoting it in a park about two girls in the distance and one of them hearing and going "Actually I am gay" Like that scenario, only involving them fixing the boat? Maybe Sarah quoting it to give Sam shit when she thinks Bucky cant hear and Bucky goes "Wait, no I'm gay" or something, or just the general gist of that. Sorry if this us too specific, I've never sent anyone a prompt before :P

Hello Friend! Thank you so much for sending anything in at all! I know the vine you're talking about, but I couldn't find it on Youtube. (I did find a two day rabbit hole of old compilations though) This was also my first foray into writing Sarah as a fully fleshed character! I was excited to get the practice 'cause I had an idea bouncing around in my head about her and Bucky talking after he wakes up in the Wilson house. I kept her a little more like she had been in my other fics pre-show here. I so wish we got a little more of her!

Feel free, anyone, to send me Sambucky prompts!

The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation

Sarah Wilson loved her brother deeply. The kind of soul crushing love that could only be formed through family, loss, and approximately four thousand brawls around the living room throughout their life. She looked up to her brother more than she could ever imagine looking up to anyone. Even when they were fighting or picking on each other, she couldn’t help but feel a swell in her chest when he came into her line of sight.

That didn’t mean she understood him. In fact, from the age of eight, watching her brother interact with the world had become her go-to pastime. Why did he have to roll every pea around the plate individually before eating them? Why did he and his friends spend seven years socking each other in the arm to prove friendship? Why did he talk to himself in the mirror, even when he knew Sarah or someone else was standing in the doorway?

Sam Wilson was just deeply weird. She had no idea how he had tricked the Avengers, a plethora of bad guys, and half of the media world into thinking he was remotely cool. She saw a news story once that had King T’Challa standing on a platform with Sam and the newscasters talked about how impressive Sam’s suit was. It was unnatural, the effect he had on people.

And in all her years, she never thought she’d see anyone weirder than Sam. But then James Barnes had showed up. It was like a complete reversal of Sam. Sarah was taken in for approximately three hours by his charm and face before she realized he too was deeply, deeply weird.

She justified sitting on the edge of the Paul and Darlene, watching her brother and James Barnes spar off about some dumb trivia fact, by deciding it was an anthropological expedition. The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation. She watched Sam watch Barnes take a long pull off his beer. She watched Barnes kick his feet up near Sam’s legs and then draw them back quickly when a current jolted the boat. She watched Barnes’ fingers tap-tap-tap against the edge of the boat, inching closer to Sam’s shoulder before he chickened out and brought his hand back to his own lap. She watched Sam suggest Bucky take his jacket off, ‘unless you plan on sun blinding me with the robocop arm.’ She watched Sam look away when Barnes did shrug his jacket off.

When she was seventeen and Sam was fifteen, she had found Sam crying in his room, pillow pressed to his face to muffle the noise. They were at the age where going into each other’s rooms uninvited started international conflicts, but Sarah, who watched her brother intently, felt like she knew what was going on. So she let herself in through their Jack-and-Jill bathroom and shut the door behind her.

Sam didn’t stop crying, not even to yell at her to get out, so she sat on the end of his bed and rolled a baseball under her foot for a while. Finally, she’d said, “You don’t have to tell Mom and Dad, y’know.”

Sam had just about wailed and bit the corner of his pillow to stop himself.

“That’s gross, stop it,” Sarah ordered and pushed Sam’s shoulder back enough to yank his pillow free and then reached over to wipe the tears from his cheeks. “I should make you do the laundry this week so I know I’m not touching your snot germs,” she teased softly.

“How did you know?” Sam hiccuped out. Tears were still brimming at his eyes, but they didn’t fall.

“I’m your older sister. I made you. Like a doll. You think there’s something about you that I don’t know?” she joked. And when the tears did spill over his long lashes, she sighed and pulled him closer to her side. “I just know the way you interact with that boy from the basketball team ain’t just friendly.”

“Jesus, do you think he can tell?” Sam asked and she could hear the mortification in his voice.

“Sam, he’s a freshman in high school. The only thing he knows is that he’s scared of everything too. No one’s paying that much attention to you.”

“Screw you,” Sam muttered.

“What’re all these tears for you if you didn’t make a move and get shot down?”

“God, Sarah, can you not say things like that?”

“Watch your mouth,” Sarah warned with no heat in her voice. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong. I’m not leaving until you do.”

“I just…” Sam sat up and worked his jaw for a while. His chin dimpled and his eyes watered but he managed to control himself. “I’m scared, Sarah. I’m scared of never being in love. Of having to leave if I am. I’m scared to say something and I’m scared not to say something. I’m so scared of...losing any of it.”

“Sam,” Sarah sighed and pulled Sam into another hug. “You’re fifteen. You’re not supposed to be in love yet. You don’t have to think about any of that. You just have to focus on passing Geometry, alright? Mom’ll whoop your ass more for failing than anything else.”

“I have a B+, that’s not failing!” Sam snapped. He kept his face against her shoulder for a second long before he sat up and wiped his tears away. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Who am I gonna tell? I told you, my friends don’t like you as much as you think they do.”

“Your friends like me more than they like you,” Sam shot back and he almost sounded normal.

Sarah smiled softly and patted Sam’s cheek. “I won’t tell Mom or Dad. Of course not. That’s for you to do. But--”

“I’m always going to tell them when you sneak out the window.”

“No! Sam! You can’t! You owe me now!”

“Going to field parties is not the same thing!” Sam said in a shriek as Sarah leaned over to pinch his sides. They grappled for a second before Sam managed to push Sarah off the bed.

“You owe me,” she reminded him as she walked back to the bathroom.

Sam wiped his eyes again and nodded. “Sure, Sarah. I do.”

Sam almost had the same look on his face now. Like there was something he wanted to reach for that he thought was too impossible to hold. The Older Sister Instinct to Antagonize into a Solution kicked in.

“Two bros, chilling on a boat, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay,” she sing-songed. Sam looked mortified again but masked his face into something more irritated with a roll of his eyes when Barnes looked over at him.

“Ignore her. It’s this old video--” Sam started.

But Bucky interrupted to say, “Actually I am gay,” as he looked back over at Sarah. “Sorry if I got your hopes up,” he added with a grin that really did get the hopes up.

“What?” Sam asked and Sarah, ever watchful, could see the beer bottle shaking in his hand.

“What?” Bucky repeated innocently.

“He said he’s gay,” Sarah clarified.

“Thank you, Sarah,” Sam ground out. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Bucky snorted. “When would I have said anything? ‘Sorry for ripping your wings off and kicking you off of a hellicarrier, by the way I’m gay.’?”

“You did what?” Sarah asked.

“‘Sorry for claiming I didn’t bomb the UN only to be reverted back to the assassin who would have done that and then fighting you again. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Thanks for saving my life. Sorry about the giant undersea prison. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘There’s an imminent battle with weird ass space dogs that want to eat our faces. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Sorry about Tony Stark, whose life I kind of ruined. Lovely funeral. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘I’m in the middle of being pissed at you about the Shield. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Maybe don’t take me rolling through a field of flowers. It does things to me ‘cause I’m gay.’ ‘John Walker’s fucking insane. I’m gay, but definitely not for this bullshit.’ I mean, come on, Sam.”

“Flowers?” Sarah asked.

“Besides, why would you care? I don’t make it a habit of telling straight guys I’m into guys.”

“You don’t seem to make a habit of telling many people that,” Sarah pointed out. “I googled you. Nothing suggesting that came up.”

Bucky shrugged. “I’m a guy from the 30s. It was trained out of me.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Sarah said quickly. “Back up away from that because we’re not gonna try to Oppression Olympics our way through our histories. Did you just say Sam was straight?”

“Sarah!” Sam hissed.

“Sure. I mean, I saw him with Romanov. Hill. He has Tinder on his phone.”

“Samuel Thomas, you better not,” Sarah warned lightly. “You’re better than that.”

“He’s a lady-killer.”

Sarah snorted and had to bring her hand up to her face. “He definitely is not. There has been no lady-killing on his end for a long time.”

“Sarah!” Sam tried again.

“You explain it to him then. Mr. 30s is gonna need the long way round explanation.”

Sam sighed and dragged his hand over his face. “Dammit. Fine. I’m not straight either, alright? I’m...bi, or something. It’s been a while since I’ve had to think about it.”

“What?” Bucky asked, not unlike Sam had.

“He said he’s bisexual. Interested in both parties. Swings either way. Hit a homerun and then hasn’t really swung since.”

“Sarah, Jesus Christ,” Sam groaned.

“What?” Bucky asked again.

“I was engaged. To a man,” Sam said.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky asked, clearly missing the irony.

“Oh, it was inconvenient for you but I had plenty of opportunities, huh?” Sam asked. “Ms. Tell-It-All over there wasn’t joking. I haven’t swung any direction in a while. Not since before I met Steve. My fiance died. And then it never came up.”

Bucky blinked at Sam. He kept bringing the bottle halfway up his body and then setting it back on his leg without ever taking a drink. “Fuck, Sam, I’m sorry,” Bucky said, which was not what Sarah was expecting and it clearly wasn’t what Sam was expecting because Sam finally moved closer to Bucky on the bench.

“What for? You didn’t do anything. This time.”

“Yeah, but if I’d known you were into me too, I woulda kissed you in Germany.”

“Oh, I am so not into you,” Sam denied. “And I wouldn’t have our first kiss ruined by immediately running into the government’s roving show monkey.”

“That’s the worst,” Bucky agreed and also finally moved over on the bench until they were pressed thigh to thigh. “Tell me how much you don’t like me again,” he challenged.

“I can’t stand you,” Sam answered and brought his hand up to Bucky’s jaw.

Sarah couldn’t fight down the grin that came to her face and turned to prop her feet on the pier, back to Sam and Bucky. Just this once, she didn’t need to watch her brother to understand him.

Read on AO3 here!

[927roses-and-stuff]

Saw a reblog of yours and now I want your headcanons on gay Piper McLean, if you have them

Gay Piper McLean headcanons huh 👀👀

Mwahaha I have a lot and since this is my second time drafting this atm i'm going to cry if Tumblr fucks up on me

!!!!HOO AND TOA SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

Piper's gay awakening was probably Thalia but she definitely had a lot of unrealized celebrity crushes in the past

Piper isn't into fashion but if she had to choose, it would be Kristen Stewart, specifically this hairstyle:

Piper's pronouns are she/they

Piper's favourite queer artists are King Princess and Janelle Monae

Not Piper, but Tristan McLean is a raging bisexual that does drag shows on the side

Piper and Shel have matching industrial piercings like this:

Piper and Shel go to Pride every year on a motorcycle with as many pride flags as they can handle streaming behind them

Piper relates to Catra the most and you already know season four made her cry a lot

Piper also like Raya and the Last Dragon and she definitely wishes Disney got the balls to do a Rayaari kiss

maybe im projecting a little bit

Okay serious maybe controversial headcanon time so Jason/Piper fans, feel free to skip

Piper suffered a serious case of compulsive heterosexuality thanks to Hera and Aphrodite. While Jason was one of her best friends, Piper didn't like him the same way he liked her or the same way she now likes Shel. She felt obligated to stay in a relationship she remembered (even though she knew it was the Mist) and felt obligated to have a boyfriend because of her mom

Like Jason and Piper were a cute ship, but it definitely wasn't the healthiest of ships. Maybe it was just how I read it, but Piper spent most of their relationship being insecure about the status of their relationship or trying to justify its existence. Like there were definitely cute moments, but most of those I read from Jason's POV

Basically they both deserved better for a whole bunch of reasons

Jason wholeheartedly supports Piper and her sexuality btw (even if it stings a little bit being told your ex might never have been totally attracted to you). He even attends with Piper and Shel to their first Pride after their break up

Piper hates hates hates the words f*g and d*ke because it's what bullies used to call her at school and even when she didn't know what it meant, it still leaves a sour taste in her mouth. She can't even tolerate other queer people saying it

Piper never wanted to stay in the closet for long because it felt like her entire life was spent locking parts of herself away so the moment she realized she was gay she just went with it because fuck everyone else, her mother was the goddess of love- she knew what she was doing

Anyways, back to the fun headcanons

The Aphrodite Cabin has a set of albums where they collect pictures of cute celebrities. When Piper came out, most of the Aphrodite cabin crowded her with these albums, trying to figure out her type

Technically, Piper didn't come out; she just entered the cabin one day blasting to Girl in Red

Piper didn't officially come out to Tristan, she just brought Shel over and introduced her as her girlfriend

Piper started a GSA (Gender Sexuality Alliance) club at camp because apparently the other children of the love goddess didn't think of that before

Piper first experimented with girls a month after she and Jason broke up. She told Jason about her attraction to girls while they were dating though and identified as bisexual during Heroes of Olympus

"be gay do crime" is totally her life motto like come on

I have more but this is the third dam time I had to type this out so here's Piper Mclean's celebrity crush list

Buffy Sainte-Marie

Kristen Stewart

Winona Ryder

Hayley Kiyoko as Stevie from Wizards of Waverly Place

Princess Nokia

Billie Eilish

Asia Jackson

Lyrica Onako

Letitia Wright- specifically as Shuri

She'd probably like a few blonde celebrities but i don't really know who she would like (aside from like Captain Marvel) so I didn't bother finding them

And that's pretty much most of my headcanons! Thank you for the ask and I hope you enjoyed looking through them 🤗