inkisars

[19thcenturyfuck]

weaponized incompetence: purposefully doing a task as badly as possible so you won't be asked to do that task again, i.e. washing new jeans with white clothes knowing fully well it will ruin the white clothes because you're sick of being asked to do the laundry

NOT weaponized incompetence: asking for help and/or clarification with doing a task, i.e. asking which clothes need to be washed separately and what settings different clothes need to be washed on

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi sex witch! i have a multi-part question (sorry) relating to alcohol and sexuality - namely in that i cannot enjoy kissing or making out unless i am intoxicated. i am 20, afab (pre everything ftm) and likely autistic. (legal drinking age here is 18) the first kisses i had were sober and i was 18 and i think i was so obviously unenthusiastic that i got ghosted by the person i was seeing lol. tbh i dont think id ever felt horny until i was 18, but then i started ssris which obvs got rid of that for me. (this is my first question. is it common for autistic people to develop sexual feelings relatively late?)

i have since started going out to clubs and i can enjoy kissing and making out, but i have to maintain a certain level of drunkenness else ill lose interest and find it unpleasant. (this is with people i genuinely find attractive) i think i would like to be able to kiss people sober bc it would be nice to function typically in a relationship without drinking too often. is it possible for this to change for me? i know it could be the ssris but bc i was so uninterested even before i took them it feels unlikely. i can imagine it would feel difficult for a partner that i would have to get drunk in order to be intimate with them, for a variety of reasons.

thanks for all the advice you give!! and ty for reading :)

hi anon,

this is a situation where changing the behavior can really only be changed with practice. right now your brain and your body have a loophole to kissing, which is, unfortunately, alcohol dependency. this isn't uncommon; much has been written about college students who self-report a need for drugs or alcohol in order to feel comfortable flirting and hooking up. it's important not to let the skill of doing it sober wither away, though - and to make sure that you cultivate the skill in the first place.

a helpful place to start may be figuring out what it actually is about intimacy you've found unpleasant in the past - nerves? sensory issues? uncomfortable positioning? - and figure out how you change that up to work better for you. the key is making the experience pleasant without having to drink, so find what makes it pleasant for you.

[dollopheadedmerlin]

Yall . . .

My roommate is super cool and all, but she REALLY wants me to be autistic, like so much so that she has just started referring to my autism (which doesn't exist) and it is really annoying

Like, I'm not offended when people ask me if I have autism because it's not a bad thing and whatnot, but what is griping me is that she just decided that she is gonna insist that I do?? And she isn't even the only person to have done this to me before.

Like I score pretty dang low on the raads test, and my friends who have either autism, adhd, or both (my partner included) agree that I just have very obvious unmedicated adhd, because I don't relate to stuff that is more solely the autistic experience.

And like?? I've even questioned it before. Like huh maybe I DO have autism, but each time I have, myself or others pretty easily rule it out.

And it's really agitating me because recently there does appear to be this trend where autistic people are trying to convince EVERYONE that they're autistic, especially people with adhd

And the nail in the coffin is that I do have a special interest. And for whatever reason, part of this surge of people who are trying to accuse people with adhd that they're really just experiencing internalized ablism when they say they're not autistic, is that they claim that special interests are ONLY things that people with autism can have???

And like, I don't know where this came from??? Because you can develop special interests due to trauma, and it is a potential symptom of adhd and whatnot. Like a simple google search can tell you that special interests are not and autistic exclusive thing! It's just a common autistic trait, versus an uncommon adhd trait.

And the bottom line is that I am kinda irked by autistic people acting like adhd isn't as neurodovergent as autism. As though it doesn't affect me or my relationships and that the only reason I would insist I'm not autistic is that I don't want to be autistic. I don't care!! I would not care if I was autistic!! I do care when random laymen try to diagnose me for no reason!!! Or look at me like I'm lying when I say I don't have autism!! Or pretend that adhd is just excited neurotypical!! Stoppppp

[lady-byleth]

I have had the sudden realize that Miyuki is Very Autistic ™

baseball is his special interest and he absolutely sucks at everything outside of it

extremely logical thinker to the point Kataoka had to appoint two vice-captains to balance it out

also a very analytical person, his inner monologue is a constant running commentary that takes apart everything he does, sees or experience

related to the above points, he's very comfortable instructing others but when he's supposed to lead them he freezes up cuz he doesn't know how to do it without instructions

spontaneity is such a foreign concept to him he has to channel his inner Sawamura to pull it off (see the third years' retirement match)

can't read people's emotions at all but is very good at deciphering behaviour until he tries to understand behaviour based on emotions or vice versa (see his complete misinterpretation of Nabe)

extremely socially awkward, aware of this and frustrated by it constantly

has a very unique way of thinking about life, doesn't know its uncommon and doesn't understand why it would upset people (see his fight with Zono)

sleeps with an eyemask and has a whole bunch of them, which isn't technically an autism thing but I include it cuz I interpret it as him either being very sensitive to light or really disliking the feeling of not having anything on his face (cuz we never see him without glasses on)

anyway, I'm probably missing some things cuz I'm extremely tired but as a certified autistic person I think this covers the basics at least

[avpdvoidspace]

you mentioned in another post that you tend to get obsessive/possessive-ish with safe people and tbh !! I go through a very similar experience. while I AM a total shut-in and rarely interact with others I have also gotten really really codependent with certain "safe people", I read a book excerpt once that said the possessive/codependent tendencies are a part of avpd but haven't seen it discussed anywhere else :(

I haven't had a REAL safe person in years (last one took advantage of that and gave me some nasty ptsd yeowch. I just can't connect with real people like that anymore), but sometimes I develop similar feelings about comfort characters. other people call it a hyperfixation but I'm not autistic/adhd and it definitely feels nothing like how hyperfixations are described. same business tho- I get weirdly possessive with a single character at a time for several years and I do the whole "fantasizing about acceptance and intimacy with them" too. it feels safer in a way but at the same time I block people who like the same character because it makes me insecure LOL. maybe I'll go back to real people someday.

back to the main point tho. I'm not necessarily needy for attention and as you've also said before, when I feel I like a (real) person TOO much I will get scared to be around them and push them away. I am very good at keeping people at an arm's length so the incoming rejection doesn't hurt as bad 💔💔 ahah. BUT I have experienced those feelings of obsession and possessiveness when I've gotten close to people in the past, they can sometimes manifest in a weird aggression but for the most part they just make me anxious and self-conscious (doesn't everything tho?). fun times! it's kinda comforting hearing that other people go through something similar.

Take into consideration that I also do have ocpd (although I think this isn't uncommon for people with avpd) but yeah. The obsession when it comes to a real person can be terrifying because it gives them the power to absolutely shatter you with very little effort, so it gets scary and you can really get the impulse to push them away in case. Real people aside, fictional characters... yeah. I think people with cluster C PDs have our own unique 'type' of hyperfixation that doesn't function exactly like an autistic or adhd person (not that you can't have one or both of these AND be cluster C). It's not something I've seen professionals talk about, but anecdotally, it seems to be true of us. I have a fictional character I've been obsessed with for decades and sometimes when I'm alone, I kind of fantasize that I either am or am with said character just going about my daily tasks and whatnot. Also do this with OCs to a lesser degree... Even before this character, I had others I did this with, going all the way back to early childhood. It was always somewhere between maladaptive daydreaming and actually acting out conversations/activities. It's kind of mortifying to admit, but that's how deep the obsessed/similar thing to hyperfixation goes. I don't know if this is close to what you're talking about but yeah. This level of obsession extends to other areas of my life too, like interests, hobbies, and skillbuilding. It's akin to hyperfixation but imo has its own unique cluster C vibe. Thanks for the ask!

[electrosweaters-arts]

Question!

Is Victor in the cryptid college universe? What’s he like, if he is?

Victor IS in CC! In fact, he's already appeared in two pages during the prologue

He's kinda a silly little guy but I'm going to PREFACE real quick by saying: Victor in CC is probably the MOST canon-divergent in terms of personality you're gonna get in CC, at least depending on your interpretations of the OG book characters, but he's pretty different from how either of us actually view him in the book.

CC Victor isn't an exactly an evil mad scientist trope or anything (being a mad scientist in CC is basically like being a mathletes nerd but a bunch of you keep dropping random children off at other peoples houses) but he's just a bit of a general asshole, SPECIFICALLY because placing him in a modern college where EVERYONE is a monster changes who the character is a Lot. A lot of his base traits come from the book, but amplified as a parody like we do with all the CC characters (so yes he does get tropey on purpose) + some changes based on how being in a monster college changes his and the creature's story.

While not uncommon for mad scientists in this universe, he's pretty self-centered, he believes himself to be the superior scientist of his class and can often be rude and dismissive of other students' work. (Though he IS actually incredibly good at what he does, he's top 3 in the class and would most likely be #1 if Griffin didn't have a grading bias towards experiments that can help him with world domination)

(going to be using some LOVELY sketches from @internetwerewolf now <3 theyre the person currently drawing episode 1 of CC <3)

Also, before I forget to mention! CC victor is gay and autistic and both he AND both of the creatures have chronic illnesses that leave them with a lot of joint pain. Their illnesses are based off my own so since *I* don't have a medical diagnosis for my joint issues I can't put an exact name to what they have but ???? maybe Fibromyalgia? again, can't put a name to it but their joints are stiff and HURTY. Adam and Victor's symptoms usually manifest in more invisible ways, from time to time they will need a mobility aid of some sort but most days they get by with painkillers and compression-wear. (Mary almost always uses a crutch or a cane and from time to time will use a wheelchair)

And oh right, the creatures! Let's talk about the creatures, I'd say they're pretty important to Victor's character, wouldn't you? (^another @internetwerewolf doodle of Adam and Mary at Victor's dissertation)

Starting with Adam, Victor made Adam in his first semester of Freshman year at CCU (if you don't know, the school Oracle acts as the head of admissions for the school and is particularly in charge of inviting new mad scientists to the school, which is why characters like Victor or Jekyll were accepted and allowed to know about monsters before having made their experiments themselves, the Oracle knew that they would make them eventually) his reasons for creating and then abandoning the creature are mostly the same as in the book, the death of his mother gave him a fascination with restoring life to the dead but once he actually gave life to the creature he was horrified an ran out on it. Adam was left in Victor's dorm room alone for about 3 weeks before being found by an RA and due to school policy on mad science experiments he was given free room and board for the course of his college degree, he was also taught english directly from classes at the school and found a copy of Paradise Lost among Victor's old things, which gave him the idea for the name Adam.

Adam never actually killed anyone in CC, but he DID ask Victor to make him a family member. He was incredibly lonely from being unable to connect with any of the other students and wanted someone like him, Victor obliged before he and Adam got into an argument which ended with him partially destroying the other creature and leaving Adam to do the rest of the reanimating work himself. (This is why Mary is not quite made right, the stitching on her limbs is very loose and she's missing an eye)

The creatures' and Victor's overall relationship is rocky at BEST, most days they can't STAND each other and squabble any time they pass each other in the halls. Though Victor's family is all still alive AND Adam got his second creature so from time to time they can get along, if a topic in interesting enough for both of them Adam and Victor can hold a conversation for a few hours, and they will sometimes help Victor out if provided a good enough reason to. Mary's less likely to talk to Victor but that's mostly because she just...doesn't like talking to people. They treat him like a shitty dad, and as seen in the prologue they DO like to rough him up a bit from time to time for fun but they wouldn't ever really want to KILL him. (Hyde would. Hyde wants to kill him. Adam has to hold him back from it.)

This was WAY longer than I expected, kinda incoherent, feel free to ask any follow up questions if you'd like! I LOVE talkin about these guys :3

[junosmindpalace]

A platonic Nanami Sai in the stone age with an autistic high school kid who looks up to him and follows him around !

A very long note : not only because Sai's programming skills is in a way too cool stage but also respecting Sai for being full of passion knowing what he likes + i belive that Sai won't be the type to make fun of anyones interests even if it was childish or not very common as well as understanding and be helpfull if they had sensory overload

sorry for talking alot ! If writing about autistics isn't something your comfortable with may i change the request ? Thank you ! :]

hello anon! thank you for your request! i know that every autistic person has their own experiences and traits, which is why i wrote this in a headcanon format to try to make it applicable to all sorts of people, but i hope i was able to properly write this request with a couple of aspects - feedback is absolutely welcome. and my first sai request!

warnings: none!

ever since sai joined the kingdom of science, you’ve been mostly at his side.

you admired his incredible programming skills and ability to code even in the stone world, and you’re always trying to take something away from him.

at first, sai is nervous having someone look up to him. he's a little stressed out about trying to set a good example, but as the two of you become more familiar with one another as you worked together, you two became good friends. 

as an anxious person himself, he's able to understand a little about how it feels to be overwhelmed over specific things.

he does his best to help you with your sensory issues, either creating noise or finding ways to get rid of it. if your sensitivity is more severe, he does his best trying to imagine what would help calm him down, so whether it be a texture or sound, he tries to rid of whatever the trigger was and maybe even replace it with something more comforting.

finds any and all of your special interests interesting. he can absolutely relate to the intense feelings of loving something, and he totally understands wanting to indulge in what he loves with others. so rant!! indulge in front of him!! he’s encouraging every step of the way, seeing bits of himself in you.

not only that, but he JOINS IN. so sometimes the two of you will be frantically talking with one another in the middle of making plans.

these info-dumps are usually not uncommon though, and you can certainly indulge in ranting more about your knowledge and interests to not only sai, but the other scientists who also understand your enthusiasm.

it's especially the folk from the stone age who love to hear your rants, however. whether it be about programming or another interest of yours, they're engrossed by your explanations and storytellings and always encourage you with comments and questions.

sai encourages you to use your strengths such as your heightened senses or in depth knowledge about certain things that could be useful, so he might sometimes ask you to help him with certain tasks, or volunteer you to help contribute to some of the bigger issues that senku and ryusui are involved in. good attention to detail; you’re an incredible asset to the team.

free to not mask in front of sai, as he’s a person you deeply trust and are comfortable with.

also free to stim around him! if the stimming comes as a result of a stressful situation, sai does his best to relieve the tension by redirecting your attention to something related to his coding.

he also greatly enjoys your happy stims, especially when the two of you are talking about or working on coding. even with missions in general, your happy stims signify a job well done, and they're a sort of indicator for him to not be as stressed as he normally is and celebrate alongside you and the others in your victories.

makes sure to explain things directly in case you may not be able to always catch on to metaphors or social cues.

he's always incredibly flattered when you compliment him, and he always does his best to teach you about aspects of programming you're interested in.

the two of you practically came in a pair. a sweet and capable duo who learn a lot of from one another and do their best to look out for each other. it almost feels like as if he has another younger sibling.

[beddhead-red]

I feel like the weird thing with autistic representation is like

It's hard to do it wrong on terms of it being an inaccurate portrayal of autism. Nearly every "inaccurate" criticism I see levied at a particular autistic character always makes me quirk an eyebrow, because most of the time I literally know someone in real life who is exactly like them. Sometimes it's me.

Autism is a spectrum in virtually every way possible, and as a consequence it's pretty rare that I see a portrayal of autism that makes me outright say "that's not what autism looks like", because for a lot of them, it CAN be what autism looks like. It's just uncommon. Or maybe it's something heavily influenced by autism, rather than being an explicitly autistic trait. It's not impossible to make something that's bad autistic rep because "that's just not what it looks like", but autism is such a wide experience that it's difficult. Yes, this even goes for very showy, stereotypical portrayals of autism. I know people who are very stereotypically autistic. It's a stereotype because there's some truth to it.

That's not typically why autistic representation is bad.

More often than not, the biggest problem with autistic representation is actually that it insists that there IS one mold of autism that autistic characters (and therefore, autistic people) fit into. They have to be an ugly, sweaty, socially inept nerd, who does weird things for absolutely no reason, and can't empathize with other people.

And that isn't a problem because that isn't what autism looks like. That's a problem because in most media, that's all autism looks like.

I'll say quickly as a disclaimer that autism doesn't make you a racist, or a sexist, or a homophobe, or a transphobe. Autism doesn't make you an idiot, you do that on your own.

But I do know people whose own racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic beliefs are influenced very greatly by their particular brand of autism, due to the way they think about things. Obviously it doesn't excuse it, and no, autism isn't why they have those beliefs, but it does play a role in building and cementing them. It's something you have to peel back if you want to have a serious conversation with them about it.

This goes for a lot of different problematic aspects of how people might portray autism in a work. No, impaired empathy and more black and white thinking don't make you transphobic; if that was the case most autistic people would be. But it certainly doesn't help you gain a more open-minded perspective. Having sensory issues and increased sensitivities to certain smells or feelings doesn't make it impossible for you to clean yourself, but it certainly doesn't help you feel comfortable showering.

The links between these things aren't typically as simple as media portrays them as. But they do happen, too, let's not pretend they don't. They are real. Autism influences a lot about a person, but it's very nuanced. People are complicated.

I think the real problem arises in the harm that comes from a portrayal, typically in reinforcing fundamental misunderstandings about autism, as well as perpetuating the particular way people unacquainted with it perceive both autism and autistic people. They aren't bad because "This isn't what autism looks like", the worst autistic rep you know probably has someone who heavily relates to it. They're bad because they present bad ideas about autistic people. Sometimes they perpetuate wrong ideas about how to "treat" autistic people, like certain therapies or treatments which are literally, actually dangerous for their health. But more than anything, they just don't help with the concept people have of autistic people simply being an intellectually disabled "other", which is cringe.

[sysboxes]

Not a request but a question about systems. Feel free to ignore.

I've seen you guys make sys boxes for systems who split fictives from hyperfixations. Is this a normal sys experience?? I'm a traumagenic system but am starting to question that because of how many fictives I have. I have AuADHD and dissociate a lot when hyperfixating, so would it make sense to develop fictives that way or is this not something systems can experience?

Disclaimer that I'm not a medical professional and could very likely be wrong. This is all based on conversations I've heard about fictives, my own experience, and what I know about CDDs (complex dissociative disorders, aka DID/OSDD-1/P-DID/etc).

I don’t think its an uncommon experience, just based on the requests we get and how many people reblog/use the boxes we make on the topic. Everyone’s experience is different, and presence or absence of fictives doesn’t really say anything definite. I don’t think theres many—if any—studies about fictives out there, but I could absolutely be wrong. It would make sense to me that hyperfixating when you’re stressed about something else could cause you to develop fictives. I also find hyperfixation/fixation on its own very stressful, and also tend to do it when I’m already stressed.

Additionally, I believe that the connection between adhd/autism and fictives is purely anecdotal + an educated guess and also not based on any studies. I’ve been diagnosed with autism, OCD, and a cognitive deficit that is extremely similar to adhd, all of which make me fixate a ton, and I only have maybe two alters you could call fictives if you squint really hard 🤷. Other systems have a ton of fictives and aren’t autistic or don’t have adhd. I think using media as a coping mechanism (especially in childhood) could also be a reason some people have more fictives than others, but I also used media to cope as a child and still don't have Solid Fictives so like. Obviously not a guarantee.

TL;DR Not a not-normal system experience, and doesn't mean you aren't traumagenic. Not a lot of research on fictives out there, and why some people develop fictives but others don't isn't entirely clear 🤷

[a-dragons-journal]

Just looked through the questioning tag (skimmed over a lot because I didn’t feel like it applied to me), but how do I tell if it’s gender dysphoria or species dysphoria? I don’t think I’m an animal, specifically, right now I’m looking into otherlink, copinglink and alterhuman because those sound vaguely like what I experience, but not completely. I’ve never felt any phantom limbs and often have trouble reading my own feelings/sensations/specific dysphoria. I also saw a lot of “picturing yourself in your mind as” and I can’t really picture myself in my mind at all, I tend to be very disconnected from my physical form. I know yesterday I said out loud that I wanted to be a god to my dad, that I didn’t understand why I have to have a physical form, that I just wanted to be my thoughts and consciousness and nothing else. Is that… like. Is that not normal? I’m autistic if that helps, I think a lot of what I experience are just symptoms of that (psychology + autism are one of my special interests), but was wondering if there are other things that could explain it more easily. I also identify as agender, but often I feel like that isn’t “strong” enough? Like I’m supposed to have a complete and utter lack of gender, the concept isn’t even vaguely in my perception of myself. Is this something other people experience as well?

A) I don't experience physical dysphoria in any sense, so I am not gonna be able to outline the differences for you very well, but I'm told they're extremely similar and it's not uncommon for them to bleed together. (Ex. does X want a flat chest because they're not a woman and shouldn't have breasts, or because they're a reptile who shouldn't have mammary glands regardless? Could be either or both.)

B) What you're describing isn't what I would call "normal", but it's... not necessarily a dysphoria thing? I don't know how much you've looked into dissociation, but that may be something to look into. It could be a species dysphoria thing, or it could be a dissociative thing, or both.

C) We are in the same boat on not having especially strong feelings about gender. My gender ranges from "meh" to "absolutely not" on any given day. Gender is a fluid mess of a thing and it's pretty hard to do it "wrong" imo.

Hopefully that helps some?

[shrimpmandan]

do you mean you feel alienated around self diagnosed autistic people? (aka 99% of the online autistic community) because if so I completely agree. I'm not sure if you have access to it but I go to public therapy for disabled adulta (if you're over 18) and in my group there is a bunch of autistic/adhd people. we usually talk about medication, funny stories about therapy and experiences with growing up autistic and such. it's pretty relieving, and completely different from speaking to autistic people online, which just feels like talking to neurotypicals

No I feel alienated around autistic people. And people in general. It's for a lot of reasons tbh, not JUST being autistic, but I've definitely have had grievances with the autistic community online for some time now. This is because there's this prevalent idea that what does or doesn't work for one autistic person must be true for every autistic person, which inevitably leads to alienation. I'm considered weird and offputting even by the standards of other autistic people. This isn't an uncommon experience for me.

Also, part of my alienation comes from the general politics of the online autistic community. I call myself Asperger's and high-functioning, which while I totally get why other people don't call themselves that, it's just kinda what I grew up with and what works for me. Also being trans on top of that, and hearing so many autistic people talk about how they personally don't understand gender, whereas I didn't have much of an issue with it (I view it through a strictly neuroscientific lens; I don't do well with metaphors and vague feelings). Being told I can't say "retarded" even though I've been CALLED retarded, not to mention directly threatened (I was nearly shot lmao) over being autistic. A mixture of oppression olympics among autists, and also 'higher-functioning' autistic people speaking over 'lower-functioning' autistic people. My stims also don't get represented much (I don't really flap, I've always been more of a rocker/bouncer/vocal stimmer) and I don't fit into the "good autist" role that a lot of people-- both neurodivergent and neurotypical-- want out of me. All this to not even mention how I get alienated for my other forms of neurodivergence, with people in general being extremely ableist towards those with OCD and dissociative disorders.

All I'm saying is it's not self-diagnosed autists who make my life harder. Not when me and most of my family has had to resort to self-diagnosis due to doctors not listening to us or just a simple inability to even see a doctor due to a lack of money and time. Actually, most of the people I click with are the self-diagnosed "I think I might be neurodivergent" people-- whether that's autism, ADHD, or some other various neurodivergence. The self-diagnosed people are my immediate family, as well as my friends who had to figure out they're neurodivergent because nobody else told them, or gaslit them over it. We're pro-selfdx here, and honestly therapy is the least of my concerns right now, at least when it comes to autism. I don't need therapy for being autistic. I don't need therapy to teach me how to be normal. I need therapy to teach me how to live. Y'know, tackling my ACTUALLY problematic disorders, like my severe OCD and CPTSD and what I believe to be some form of OSDD. ADHD... yeah I just need meds for that, it is what it is. But I've been in therapy SEVERAL times for my autism, with people who were supposedly specialized in it, and even they didn't really know what to do with me. So shrug lmao.

For the record I am professionally diagnosed with autism. I'm actually self-diagnosed with most of the other mental health issues I occasionally talk about here (ADHD, OCD, OSDD, et cetera). I'd LOVE to get diagnosed but we're just not in a financial situation where we can rn. I don't like throwing self-diagnosed people under the bus-- more often than not they're just trying to understand themselves and genuinely don't have the ability to access proper resources. I don't really think of the cringe "faking disorders for attention and spreading misinformation" people when I hear about self-diagnosis, personally. I think about people who have been gaslit and told either that they're weird/bad children their whole lives, or even the reverse where they're told they're gifted, before they begin to struggle and then are promptly abandoned. I went through the latter more than the former.

[nerves-nebula]

OOOOOOOOOOH MAN the rabbit hole of adoptive child syndrome. You're pretty right with it being about "this adopted child isn't appreciating me enough" but it's like..

When you're adopted the whole nerrative is that you ""owe your adoptive parents"". Whether that be owing them for their kindness, or quite literally owing them your life. (not that many people will admit it, but it is heavily pushed onto you growing up with how adults treat you differently)

It gets messier depending on the style of adoption. Is it a "open and close" case of "birther gave up the child when the child was born" or was it a "birth parents suddenly died" situation? Those ones still experience it, especially if their disabled and/or neurodivergent, annnnnd if they aren't white (mostly applies to white people adopting non-white kids.)

For kids who, like me, were up for adoption because it was too dangerous to live with birth parents (example: made a ward of the state AKA legal orphan so birth parents are completely removed from the situation) or generally in the fostercare system the whole "adoptive child syndrome" is pushed a lot harder.

I could go on about how fucked up it is, especially with how a lot of kids end up in the foster care system and/or up for adoption, but I'll spare ya the rant xD

I think it stems mostly from just how much focus people put into blood-relations being important. Like, there's a large part about how a lot of what the average person thinks of the system is outdated or plain wrong etc etc etc. But also like.

If being related to someone means so so incredibly much that even if the person wasn't great or made mistakes they're still considered family and you still owe them, to some level, forgiveness and loyalty, then what does it mean if you don't have family?

It's a subconscious sort of "you're defective if they got rid of you" sort of thing, at least that's one of my best guesses? Plus like, there's a really really weird idea that adoptive/foster parents are being extremely generous and kind and oh-so-wonderful to be taking in a kid, doesn't the kid see how amazing that person is?

It all boils down to you being treated as having to be better than your peers constantly. If you cry in class or say something off or try to defend yourself, you either get treated as some sort of stray cat they're trying to tame (stupid, inherently wrong), or something dangerous that people need to be protected from.

And of course there's the other element of you knowing from whatever age that family isn't permanent. You can't depend on people to be there and you can't trust that the next place would be better. It's not uncommon for people to make jokes about kids being "returned", and some people actually do get "returned" by their adoptive parents because they "weren't good enough" <- I forget the names but there's a well-known family-blog channel that "rehomed" their adopted kid because he ended up being autistic (also the family was white and he was asian so there was a whole other level of stuff there too)

something something kids don't get to be kids and are viewed as malfunctioning products because the system is set up in a way that heavily commodities adoptive kids as products to shop for and buy rather than people who are hurt and need help

Also rehoming exists -_-' TW for dehumanization and similar stuff if you go down that rabbit hole

yeah it sounds fucking awful. It sounds like Hysteria but specifically for adopted children.

like kids are supposed to be sooo grateful and if they aren't then there's something Diagnosably Wrong With Them.

I remember that situation you're talkinga bout, it broke my fucking heart. parents never "re-home" their biological children. even if they abuse their kids and kick them out, having a parent just DECIDE you aren't their kid anymore is so taboo if they're your bio parents, that most ppl don't even consider it and it frustrates me to no end that especially vulnerable children get treated like that. That was your FAMILY. You picked them! You decided to take care of them! You can't just decide they aren't family anymore you souless monster!!

UGH.

sorry for taking so long to respond to this btw. finals coming up & all that.

you're right about the weird commodification of adoptees though, i've heard a lotta weird stuff like people basically "Shopping" for the perfect kid which is. uh, interesting, i guess. tbh I'm not really sure how I'd pick a kid either.

anyway that's all kinda why I'm planning on doing more research when (god fucking willing) I adopt to figure out the best way to go about it, cause I've heard some adoptees advocating for getting rid of "adoption" as it's set up in the USA right now and instead opting for just having a legal-guardianship model. which is similar to adoption in that you're now the kids guardian, but you don't get to like, change the kids name and hide their history from them or something?? But also the bio parents can terminate your guardianship at any point?? I THINK?? Which is weird and tbh I don't trust parents in general (hypocritical I know) soooo

idk i'll have to look into it more. I think the best option as of right now is like, an open adoption. That seems to be the best case for most kids (who aren't in situations like yours I mean. obviously it all depends)

not that I'm adopting anyone any time soon...

[go-go-devil]

12, 20, 30 - and if i can modify the "wedding" question with a more morbid one but... song you want played at your funeral? (i have a playlist for my funeral, i hope that's not too weird...)

12) A song from your preteen years

One of the most defining ones for sure was "The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny" by Lemon Demon, though I wouldn't learn it (and many, MANY other internet vids/songs from my childhood) was made by Neil Cicierega until years later. It was one of the first "internet" songs I can both remember hearing and being obsessed with, largely due to the animation Shawn Vulliez made for it; of course I made sure to link the oldest vid I could find of it for the proper late-2000's yt viewing experience ;)

20) A song that has many meanings to you

Oh boy, there's a lot of those lol

Well one that comes to mind right away is "Animate" by Rush, largely because on one hand I know Neil Peart's logic behind the lyrics was supposed to be about a man embracing his feminine qualities while contemplating what a man is "supposed to be" (likening to Carl Jung's anima and animus theory). However, when NOT sung by a cis man the lyrics suddenly turn into one of the most transgender songs I've ever heard. At least for me. That song actually helped me eventually figure out I was genderfluid!

(Well most of the lyrics at least. I was never fond of that one "submissive trait" line. I love Neil's mind and work a ton but like many he was a product of his time to some extent.)

30) A song that reminds you of yourself

One song that's extremely personal to me is "I Have The Touch" by Peter Gabriel (the 1983 mix because that's my fav version alongside the Plays Live recording). Not just for the fact that the last few lines of lyrics accurately describe nearly ALL of my stims, but the song itself appeals to me overall as an autistic person who wants to enjoy being in and interacting with people in this society I live in, yet who also feels like an actor memorizing what to say to people to achieve the best results (verse 3 of the song hits HARD in that regard). Well, that and interpreting the lyrics "Shake those hands, and give me the thing I understand" as the immense satisfactory fantasy of being allowed to flap my arms around another person without ridicule <3

I dunno, I guess I also appreciate any song about physical touch that isn't about sex or romantic relationships for a change. These kinds of jams are far too uncommon in this amatonormative society we're forced to live in T_T

As for a song I'd like played at my funeral? Well, that has to be the entirety of "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" by Pink Floyd 💎✨

[lunarflare64]

Hello! Disability ask meme: 1, 3, and 8 please

(Disability ask meme)

As promised, the chatterbox train got rolling, you're welcome for the read more

1. Ooooooh boy here we go, its a whole ass List.

Autism, ADHD, OSDD/DID (we aren't certain enough to find out which on our own), ARFID, Non-24 sleep/wake disorder, anemia, Raynaud's syndrome, POTS, and arthritis (we're not sure which type specifically yet, we're on a waiting list to see a rheumatologist)

2. For mobility aids we primarily get around on crutches, on a good day at home we use our cane, and hopefully soon we'll be getting our wheelchair for the bad days. Our first set of crutches got the full sticker treatment, the second set we just haven't gotten around to yet (but we do have the stickers ready, they're neon). Despite us getting the cane first its remained customisation free, every time we consider decorating it we chicken out because unlike with the neon stickers we wanna put stickers from fandoms on it, and we're worried about wasting them because the cane.....we should get a better one, its really not good.

For sensory aids we just have our headphones, we mostly just use them when we're out and about because unlike outdoors where we're tense and on guard all the time and thus hypersensitive, indoors we NEED to be able to hear lots of little things, we freak out otherwise (and having headphones on all the time while you're a glasses wearer........."fucking OW" is putting it lightly)

We also uses braces sometimes, mostly for our wrists and knees (thats where the arthritis is), but we tend to use compression more, since the stiffness from braces can cause its own issues. And as for meds, we've got a low dosage of Ritalin for the ADHD, and some opioids for the arthritis pain. We also need iron infusions once every year and a half or so, since our body isn't the best at absorbing it in our diet (and to make things worse our diet isn't very rounded, thanks to the eating disorder)

8. Oof, identity question for the freshly hatched egg carton (do you like that term? We love it, what a fun term for a plural egg), this is already confusing. I mean, obviously the plurality affects every aspect of our identities in a large scale, its a given, so we'll brush past the specifics of that one. How our disability affects our gender? I'm not one of us who has that, gender is such a hard thing to define, the others have gender in the sense that they are pulled to masc or fem presentations, but I don't know if any of us really understand it. But we HAVE heard that not understanding these concepts isn't an uncommon thing for autistic people, so I guess that's one way it can be affected. Queerness (in terms of attraction) is the same, generally we're aroace (with some oriented-ness from some of us), that's also a common autistic thing, a decent portion of aroace folk are autistic, its no biggie to us.

Culture? We're assuming culture here means "the ideas, customs, and social behaviour of a particular people or society", but we're white and Australian through and through, not much there to be culture-y about. If we were to pretend Australia had a culture that was found though its own community and not theft from others, there is a MASSIVE issue with foods. A lot of "classic Australian foods" are the exact things our eating disorder wants us to avoid, family gatherings (which are ALWAYS barbecues, don't laugh its just how it goes here) are miserable for us (and it was so so much worse when we were a kid and people would yell at us for not eating), we can't eat anything, and even if we CAN find something its always a pasta salad that you can only eat so much of before you want to curl up in a ball and wither away, its an isolating experience, not being able to bond with family through food. We don't even feel that big of a draw to our family and it still hurts to miss out on eating with them

Aaaaaanyways, hobbies and life goals. We're not so good at the life goal thing, picturing the future is literally impossible, we see nothing and we want nothing, we very much live in the present (is that the autism, the ADHD, or the plurality? Hopefully we find out one day), but hobbies? Oh boy here we go

We have many. Many many many many hobbies, and dream hobbies too. The dream hobbies aren't really possible for us anymore, things like surfing, gymnastics, archery (chronic shakiness and sharp flying objects sounds like a bad combo), pole dancing, skateboarding, canoeing, dancing, hiking, and trampoline tricks (you could say all of these are possible with the right accommodation, but its too much for us now). One hobby we do have that we don't get to do often now is baking, we loved baking so much, we would do huge batches of cakes and cupcakes and cookies and breads and then give them out to people we knew, we didn't really keep much of it for ourselves, we just liked baking for the sake of baking, and the joy of giving treats to others was a great bonus. Nowadays we can't really do that much even on the rare occasion that we CAN bake, the heat makes us pass out and all the movement and standing sets our arthritis off so bad, its best to save any baking for when someone can be there to make sure we don't get hurt.

We don't let it get us down too much though! We have so many other hobbies, drawing and writing and knitting and crochet and loom weaving and the guitar (even if we haven't touched it in a while 😬) and drums and animation and architecture and gardening and photography and sculpting and woodworking and candle making and learning about oceanography and biology and physics and so so much more, our hobbies list is a literal list, we have it in front of us now, the ink has faded into odd colours and it COVERS the page, top to bottom, no space wasted, we have a lot of things we like to do and want to try, some things cant be done anymore but it doesnt even cross half the list off, our disabilities shape what we can do, but its hard to let it get to us when we have so much to do

[celestialodysseys]

Hiya, this question is for E!

I was wondering (because of that scene in moon knight where Marc is drinking heavily when he gets to Cairo) if there is a reason one alter might drink excessively? Or a purpose for it? And if it has any effect, in your experience or to your knowledge, in exacerbating any symptoms? or if drinking aids in suppressing switching, or encouraging switching? Tysm for your time and please let me know if I misspoke in any way 💚

Hi!!! Don't worry; your question was very well worded and I'm happy to answer it 😊

I'm gonna break this up into three parts: some general reasons an alter might drink/drink excessively, our personal experience with how alcohol affects us, and why Marc specifically might drink heavily. Putting it under a cut since I discuss drug use and have very vague mentions of abuse (also because it’s kinda long lol)

General Reasons: An alter might be a trauma holder and cope with the trauma and intense emotions they hold by drinking. It's also possible an alter might be formed to deal with situations in which drinking is involved, like as a social activity or part of job expectations. Certain alters might be formed to be more risk taking or party-minded as well. System hosts might drink because it numbs sensations or because it makes them feel more in control, or less in control if they don't want to be fronting or feel like they can't handle things.

Our experiences: While we've never drank to excess, we have been drunk. I've described it before as feeling like our whole body was dissociating lol. Very loose, very disconnected everywhere. We don't necessarily switch more or easier while drunk, but certain alters will tend to front when we're drunk/buzzed if they aren't already fronting. Because we have osdd 1b, our amnesic barriers between parts are much weaker than with DID, but when we drink we notice those amnesiac barriers get stronger (e.g. if Freya is fronting most of the time we are buzzed/drunk, I won't be able to Know what happened during that time unless she tells me, whereas normally if she were fronting all her memories during that time would be "uploaded" into a memory bank and I can see what happened kinda like a movie). Derealization symptoms also tend to get stronger.

Drugs can have very different effects from one system to the next so that's just our personal experience. I will mention that sativa strains of marijuana have a significant effect on our system, much more so than alcohol. I know that wasn't part of your question but I thought I'd mention it since it drastically increases our communication, lowers our ability to mask (which is due to our gatekeeper having less control overall and so isn't able to force us to mask as much), gives us greater access to memories, and makes it more likely for us to have multiple fronters interacting similar to how Marc and Steven interact in the last Moon Knight episode. I've seen other people mention that weed increases their ability to communicate with other alters as well.

Marc: I think Marc consciously chooses to drink heavily to cope with intense emotions. I mean, that is a not uncommon reason to drink to excess, but I think with Marc being an autistic man he might use it to cope when he's feeling overstimulated or near a meltdown (based on the two times we see him really drunk). Subconsciously, I think he also drinks as a habit he picked up from his mother. Unless we work at it, humans tend to pattern their behavior after their parents, and growing up Marc's parents dealt with conflict and difficult feelings by drinking and violence (his mother) and avoidance (his father), and we see Marc demonstrate these behaviors throughout the show. Drinking might also keep him more in the front like how some of my alters have drinking as a fronting trigger.

These are of course only me and my system's opinions and experiences, though some of it is based on things we have heard from other people's experiences. If anyone with didosdd wants to chime in please feel very much free to do so.

[faeflowerz]

Happy Birthday, Floyd Leech! 🦈

So I am a HUGE Octavinelle fan. It's my favorite dorm for tons of reasons. I was raised on the Little Mermaid, I'm a water sign, and I love Ursula.

When i first started to play twst, I was getting a feel for everyone. While Floyd isn't my favorite of the trio, he doesn't fall short of being fascinating. I love his voice, his laugh and his personality. However, he's very clingy, which isnt my steez.

So let's talk about that! But before we get into that, a reminder that I am an 18+ blog. I am NOT comfortable with being followed by minors. The samr goes for my Twitter Fae_Flower. If you like what you see, feel free to follow me here for writing and on Twitter for other stuff.

Now, let's get the squeeze on Floyd Leech!

This interview is a little bit obvious. There's not much about Floyd that we don't already know. He's the type of guy who needs constant stimulation to get through his day. He doesn't like compressing clothes and he has very...serious mood swings. The boy is autistic and possibly bipolar. He's left-handed. And I like that about him.

Floyd attracts me in that he is built different. He doesn't change himself to meet the needs of NRC. He demands that people work with him. Azul has said that if Floyd isn't in a good mood, nothing gets done. And while they butt heads often, it's Azul who has to bend for him. It's not something people can make happen so easily. Jade makes a good mediator for them because he knows his (older?) brother. Floyd doesn't want to conform to anyone. He is himself.

Someone like Ace wouldn't be a perfect little brother for him, but I can see the appeal. Ace knows how to have fun and he does have a sense of humor that is always changing and keeps people on their toes. Floyd mentions that Ace doesn't have foresight, which is an excellent point too. Ace has an attention to detail for his teammates, so much so that he was able to help Deuce pick out a good gift.

Floyd is that big brother who would watch you do something and just wait for your parents to chew you out. AKA, he would be the worst kind of big brother. He is right about Ace being cute. However, I propose that Deuce would be a good fit for Floyd as well. Their interactions are really sweet, and I think that Floyd would find Deuce's naïvtee amusing. And Deuce's delinquent side would be a surprise that Floyd would like to see. Both Ace and Deuce share the same brain cell so it's not like you're getting a different experience.

Savanaclaw Floyd makes sense. Aside from the obvious environmental issues, the transition would be pretty easy. Except...Leona. Leona would probably be a little difficult because of his narcolepsy and general anti-socialness. Ruggie offsets that, but I don't know how well those two will hit it off. Floyd would get the stimulation he needs/wants, but everyone there is a little too independent. He's clingy.

And I think that's where we hit a problem with Floyd. He's too clingy. His lines about Jade and how he misses class are a big sign of that. Floyd does things that HE wants to do. And yeah, living your life to the fullest is something he deserves to do, there are moments where it's clear that Jade's absence is detrimental. He gets perfect grades but still has shitty attendance. He will get bored with you and then go off to do something else even if you need him present. He doesn't commit himself to keeping on track.

That's not an uncommon flaw for people who are neurodivergent or get burned out quickly, however, you have to put your nose to the grindstone sometimes. Floyd doesn't care about things he doesn't WANT to care about. It's an ACTIVE decision he makes every time and he's shameless about not caring. His attachment to other people leaves him hopeless on his own.

Well, I think that's all I have to say about him for now. What do you guys think? How do you feel about Floyd? Lemme know in the Reblogs!