#and it did help that my coordinator was Actually supportive not like those in the h.r. or whatever it's called here lol

[andhumanslovedstories]

I’ve been struggling lately with the feeling that my job is pointless. Intellectually I know it is not—nursing is one of those professions where you get to be real smug about knowing the value of your work. But it’s still felt very pointless. Like I’ll start a shift thinking, “what am I even doing here,” and end it thinking, “what have I actually even done.” It’s been a ROUGH couple months.

But I had a really good shift last time I worked, which was good for the soul and also a very useful data point. I got to do pain management advocacy and symptom management, met a bunch of cool patients, did education for new nurses, and had several long heart to hearts, which the kind of midnight heart to hearts that I think are the most important part of night shift, all of that while being well staffed with very pleasant and appreciative patients and coworkers, and I was still like. Pretty depressed. I had a sense of satisfaction and moments of joy and meaning, but it turns out that one good shift did not cure the depression that has been latched on to me for the last few months like some kind of fucked up mental health leech. As I realized I was still depressed and that it was still interfering with my life even when everything was going well, the sense of peace washed over me was the best I’d felt in a while. Because I was like, okay! None of my usual stuff as worked! I have no excuse not to try something new to get my brain out of the shit ditch it’s slipped into.

So I’m applying for short-term disability. I’m worried I won’t get it, and I’m not sure what the next step is if I get rejected, but I feel so much better having decided to pursue it. It’s so much fuckin paperwork for sure, to a degree that’s overwhelming except that that the form could be a checkbox that says, “you want money?” and I’d be like “THIS IS TOO MUCH.” I’m totally not writing this post instead of finishing an email to my manager. I’m definitely not writing this post to avoid dealing with coordinating all my various care providers. I’m certainly not at every moment worried that I’m secretly faking all this so I can get three to nine weeks of a cool summer vacation.

I was thinking about how I almost flunked nursing school in my final semester because I turned in assignments late for a class with a “no late homework” policy. The professor said that this was reflective of real life, where if you miss deadlines you’re just fucked. I ended up appealing my grade and passing, because frankly it was a weak reason for making me repeat a final semester when there was no issues with my actual work or knowledge. During my appeal, I was like “I also think this policy is ableist. Harsh penalties for late work hurt students with health problems, especially chronic health problems when you aren’t asking for one week off due to the flu but instead for a general and never ending flexibility. I’m not trying to make an excuse but explain why this policy is a bad one. Disabled healthcare workers are an asset to healthcare.” I’m trying to remember my own argument as I pursue help. My depression and ADHD and eating disorder do help me be a better nurse, not because like depression gives you superpowers, but because I manage my chronic illnesses every day, in ways that range from hardly noticeable to life or death. Being kind to patients means being kind to myself, and vice versa.

I’m rambling. I really do not want to do this paperwork or send these emails. And I’m not sure if I deserve the leave I’m trying to take. But I miss being love with my job. I miss enjoying it. I wouldn’t judge someone else for going on medical leave, and my job doesn’t want me to burn out or quit. It almost feels like I have to be skeptical of applying for leave because no one else is. Everyone I’ve spoken to has been very supportive, including my manager. And considering how many unpaid days off I’ve had to take lately, disability leave would be an improvement over some of my recent paychecks. All in all, short-term disability makes sense and seems like a reasonable response to circumstances. But FUCK. I wish it required like 90 percent less documentation.

[hinaaspanda]

pretty boy on lockdown! | k.gv

pairing: popular guy! kim gyuvin x fem, student president! reader warnings: swearing like three words, mentions of food genre: fake dating, reverse grumpy x sunshine, super fluffy, angst if you squint but even then it's not that much, crack fic wc: 9,752

Kim Gyuvin was begging on his knees trying to get away from his crazed fangirls. He just needed a moment of peace. Along came you, the stingy student president who didn't even know who he was! You were the final piece to the puzzle; the perfect addition to his perfect plan. It was simple; you two pretend to date and drive away all of Gyuvin's weird fangirls. You only had one rule, though; Gyuvin has to drive you everywhere!

a/n: hiii i'm back with my first fic for zb1! I love kim gyuvin with all my heart omg this fic was actually so fun to write! please support zb1 and their new song, crush, too! I tried to make this one super fluffy so hope u guys enjoy~

You were holding someone’s hand.

The hand was much bigger than yours, most likely a man’s. The metal surface of what you assumed was a ring had shocked your skin cool. His knuckles were calloused, rough—he seriously needed to invest in some hand cream. Contradictingly, his palms were warm and clammy; a sensation you didn’t particularly enjoy, either.

More importantly, however, you didn’t have a clue who this man was. 

It seems he didn’t catch that memo.

“I already have a girlfriend,” the owner of the hand bogusly smiled at the two girls who cornered you in the middle of the hallway. Stupefied, you gazed up at his towering frame and broad shoulders, with his sports bag flush against his chest. You glanced at his flushed red ears, sweat beading from his forehead, his puppy dog eyes that were full of determination. You admit; he would’ve been cute if it weren’t for this non-consensual hand holding habit of his. The creepy-hand-guy glanced at his feet. “I can’t date you, sorry!”

“Awe, Gyubinnee!” one of the girls whined, a sound synonymous with an air horn. “Since when were you dating someone?”

You seconded the air-horn girl’s testaments. Since when were you in a relationship you didn’t even know about?

His hand clung around your fingers tighter. “It just sorta happened, you know?”

The two girls took quick glances at each other, whining some more before ultimately walking away, their shoulders slumped to the floor. Creepy-hand-guy waited a few paces, his eyes tracking the girls like a sniper on the kill. The girls turned the corner at the hall, and only then did the creepy hand guy exhale from relief. He held a hand against his chest, as if his heart was minutes away from falling out of place. Clearly, creepy-hand-guy was forgetting something.

“Are you gonna let go?”

“Oh, shit,” he jutted, his hand flying away from yours. He took two lengthy steps away from your figure, as if he finally learnt the meaning of personal space. Took him long enough. You heave a sigh, using your finally free hand to continue what you were originally here to do; gathering your things to bus home. 

“I’m really sorry—those girls were killing me.” He cradled the nape of his neck with his palm, flashing the grin. A genuine one, this time. Though it was laced with nervousness. “Thanks for helping me out. I’m Gyuvin.” 

Gyuvin pushed a hand out to your direction, making this the second time you’ve ever held his hand. You hugged your books against your chest, leaving one hand open to shake his hand. “y/n.”

“Do you usually hold random girl’s hands in your free time?” Turning around, you took a jab at him as you shoved your books into your school bag. It elicited a nervous chuckle from his chest. Gyuvin clung onto his bag strap. “No, those girls back there—they keep harassing me and asking for my number. So, I, uh, had to improvise? Yeah.” 

Throwing your bag over your shoulder, you couldn’t help but giggle at his lack of coordination. Gyuvin fiddled with his fingers, lighting up at the sight of your amusement. He really did resemble a puppy. 

You clicked your phone open, your eyes scanning the time left you had to rush over to your bus stop. Shock ran though your spine, sweat beaded from your forehead. 8 minutes. You had 8 minutes before the bus would arrive, and the closest bus stop resided on the other side of a massive hill. Slamming your locker shut, you dashed to the exit, brushing past Gyuvin’s shoulder. You quickly turned back, greeting the puppy boy with a weary eye-smile. 

“Good luck with that—”

“Wait!”

His voice tethered you to the ground, your body frozen. You couldn’t quite figure out why you bothered to listen; the clock was ticking—fast. Gyuvin adjusted his figure to face you upfront before bending over in a 90* bow. Your brows furrowed, speechless. What was this guy doing?

“Can you be my fake girlfriend?”

You choked, eyes spilling from your sockets. This felt like some joke, like a prank camera crew was moments away from jumping out and exposing their true intentions. You glanced around just to be safe. You caught a glimpse of the boy before you, slowly straightening his posture—his eyes flooding with determination. Your lips part. He wasn’t joking, was he? 

The puppy boy continues his wild claim, his palms facing you in defence. “I know it sounds crazy, but those girls have never listened to me before! This is the first time they’ve actually back down after I’ve told them to go away.” Gyuvin held a hand to his chest. “If I make it seem like I’m in a believable relationship, I might actually have a shot at making those guys leave me alone.”

Gyuvins eyes drilled into you, his voice softening. “I really need your help—please.”

Feelings of guilt started to seep into your chest, but you quickly swatted them away. You barely knew this man, why would you give into his psychotic request? You checked the bus time once again; 6 minutes. Shit. 

“No thanks!” You jutted from your chest.

With that, you dashed out the door, your bag swinging side to side as you ran. As heartless as your actions were, you didn’t bother to look back. You simply let the puppy boy fend for himself. It didn’t matter, you’ll never see this guy again.

Right?

Running. Kim Gyuvin was running. His breath hitched against his chest, sweat 

beaded from his forehead, his sports bag swaying frantically at his hips. He barely took notice, though; his brain was too occupied with escaping the two random girls who asked him for his number this afternoon. 

Correction: girls who asked for his number and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Gyuvin tucked himself away, hiding behind a wall of lockers to catch his breath. He combed through his hair, his chest heaving. This wasn’t the first time this happened. There have been countless times where Gyuvin had to run for his life from random people in his school; people that claimed to be fans. It was one of the downsides to being popular.

Gyuvin knew it was vain. He knew people would die just to be in his shoes. He knew people would love to be adored the way he was adored. Yet one massive thing completely goes over their heads; it was exhausting. People didn’t fully understand his struggles; the constant noise, the lack of privacy in the classroom and the bus ride to and from school. The only reason he studied his ass off to get his licence the minute he could was to get away from those fangirls who had no clue about personal space.  

Now, they’re going so far as to wait for him after practice, and chase him down for his number. Gyuvin needed to put an end to this. Now. 

Hastily, Gyuvin scanned the barren hallway. Nothing but a sea of beige lockers; all closed. It was natural, it was well after school hours—almost everyone had to be home by now. Gyuvin’s shoulders sunk to the floor, his heart losing hope for a successful escape. 

The sound of rustling suddenly crept up to his ears as he turned his head to the left. He found the figure of a girl turned away as she moved books and papers around in her locker. Her face was buried into the nook of the locker, paying no attention to the world around her. Her surroundings, baren and quiet. Gyuvin envied her a little; she looked like she was having a peaceful day. 

Another glance at the locker girl and a lightbulb bounces from Gyuvin’s brunette head. The locker girl was none other than you, Park y/n. According to Gunwook, you were the bossiest class president in your year, and you often stayed late after school for your various class president duties. Ricky dubbed you a tryhard for it. Gyuvin, however, didn’t have much to say on the matter—he’s never had the chance to talk to you.   

Gyuvin found himself staring at you, time standing still. His eyes widen before he sends a swift slap onto his cheek. Yet, that didn’t stop from curiosity bubbling in his chest.

The echoes of steps and faint voices bounce from further down the hall, Gyuvin’s spine freezing in fear almost immediately after, his brain being thrown straight back into reality. Shit. They were back. Gyuvin had to act fast. In a panic, Gyuvin’s eyes landed on your hand, which was dangling nonchalantly against your side as you fiddled with your phone. An idea perked up in his mind, an idea he swatted away instantly. But as the steps grew faster, and his time ran shorter, he knew he had no other choice. 

Gyuvin gulped as he dashed over to you. Guess it’s worth a shot.

So much for your peaceful day.

“Alright, I’ll pick you up at 4, we’ll get something to eat, then we’ll head to the concert venue.” Your best friend, Matthew listed out; his voice muffled by the crunch of cornchips. His thumb swiped over his phone, his other hand tossing more chips into his mouth. You sat across from him on your living room floor, your frame buzzing with excitement as the two of you planned your most anticipated weekend yet. Your favourite artist was holding a concert in your city and you needed to go; your life depended on it. 

Cheerfully, you nod at Matthew’s rundown of your weekend plans, a grin plastered on your face. A grin that would disappear. The cause? Matthew's snoopy ass. 

“We’ll figure out the rest later—tell me more about that hand holding guy!”

Right. That was another reason for your best friend’s visit; for him to probe you for answers regarding the weirdo, Kim Gyuvin. You only sighed. You only graced him an ominous text about it last night before you went to bed, it was only fair. You took one last swing of your soda.

“He was running away from some girls. Apparently, they can’t get the hint when he tells them he's not interested.” You wave your hand nonchalantly when images suddenly pop into your mind. The image of Gyuvin bowing down like a dork, his puppy dog eyes full of determination. The image of Gyuvin’s cheeky smile—a smile that was plastered onto his face for the entire 10 minute interaction. Your brain lingered on that image for a little while, though you weren’t fully sure as to why. 

“Oh, and get this,” You finally continued, waving those weird thoughts away. “The guy asked if I could be his fake girlfriend. Like—what?”

“What, really?” Matthew erupted into a fit of giggles, his figure folding up into a ball and rolling around like some unbalanced egg. “That’s so stupid. Did he even tell you his name?”

You nipped at your lip. “Yeah. Gyuvin.”

Matthew choked on his chips, his eyes spilling from their sockets. You stood still, frozen as curiosity took over your frame. Did you say something wrong?

“Wait. Kim Gyuvin?”

“Yeah?” You furrowed your brows. “Does that matter?"

Matthew scoffed. "He's only one of the most popular guys at school? How did you not know this?"

You only shrug. Being class president didn’t leave much room for a social life. This was no exception. Matthew ran a hand through his hair, his jaw grazing the floor in awe. You, meanwhile, only brought your soda can to your lips, nibbling at the metal as you thought back to the puppy boy. The way he fumbled and stuttered on his words, the way he so desperately ran away from his supposed fans. This guy was supposed to be your school’s hotshot pretty boy? Nah. That was impossible. 

Matthew leaned back onto the couch, a mischievous grin stretched across his face. “Go for it.” 

You choked. “What? No!” You swat the air, huffing a sigh. “I’m way too busy for something that silly. Besides, it sounds like he’s got a whole roster of girls to choose from. He doesn’t need me.”

“I dunno, sounds like he does. No one just asks a question like that,” Matthew shrugs. You wince, memories from that afternoon with Gyuvin popping into your brain; your cruel rejection in particular lingering well past its welcome.  

“Maybe it’ll be fun for you, too! Your social life needs some work—OW.” Your palm smacked his shoulder. Deserved. 

“I don’t need a fake boyfriend for that, I have you.”

“Yeah. Your only friend. I can’t hang out all the time!”

“Whatever,” You swat the air again, not putting much thought into Matthew’s words as you dug your hands into a newly opened bag of chips. Matthew was just being delusional anyways. There was no point in listening to him. 

There’s no way you’d give Kim Gyuvin the light of day.

Luck wasn’t on your side this particular afternoon.

It started with the bipolar weather of your city. Blue skies of the afternoon quickly shrivelled up into thunderous grey clouds, and soon later, showers of rain drenched the outside. Luckily enough, your student council meeting had just ended, meaning you’d be trapped in the pouring rain. Without an umbrella. Yay. 

You pushed through your school doors, being immediately greeted with harsh rain as you took your first steps outside. You tried to salvage your face, at least. Pressing your hand against your forehead in a makeshift visor; but it was no use. Your makeup had practically washed off of your face, like a tiny floatie amidst a grand wave. You only nipped at your lip, the rest of the trek to your bus stop becoming a cold, shivering blur. As you finally approach the barren bench and bus stop pole, you pull your phone out, only to be met with another devastating piece of news. 

32 minutes. The next bus was 32 minutes late. Your heart sank into the drenched sidewalk.

A sigh escapes your lips as you look up at the droplets before you, the splotches of gloomy clouds crowning over your once innocent sky. You didn’t even have the energy to complain, it was no use. As much as you wanted it to, whining wouldn’t make the bus get here faster, or miraculously send a ride your way to get you away from this mess. And so, you stood your ground, convincing yourself that everything was fine.

Happy thoughts. Like the warm shower you could take the moment you arrive home, or the concert outfit you could plan even though the concert was still weeks away. Yeah. Just think happy thoughts, y/n. 

Your phone buzzed against your palm, your eyes scanning through the numerous water beads cascading off the glass.

matthew! [6:49 pm] GIRL I'M SO SORRY MY PARENTS JUST GROUNDED ME

matthew! [6:49 pm] I CAN’T FUCKING GO TO THE CONCERT

Your heart shattered. No. This can’t be happening. You and Matthew; that's how it was supposed to be. You couldn’t just go alone! Who else were you supposed to go to the concert with? Frantically, your thumbs swipe up the screen, summoning the phone keyboard. 

y/n [6:50pm] WHAT

matthew! [6:50 pm] I KNOW 

matthew! [6:51 pm] I stayed out past curfew like ONCE

y/n [6:51pm] is there really no way to change their minds?? 

y/n [6:52pm] like chores?? 

matthew! [6:54 pm] no :(( I already tried everything

matthew! [6:54 pm] just go without me 

You nipped at your lips. You doubted being able to go, yourself. Your parent’s hand one stipulation when allowing you to go to the concert. You needed a ride. Neither one of your parents were available, nor did they want you on a 2 hour bus ride to the other side of town. Matthew was your only option, and now he’s gone. Your heart beats rapidly beneath your chest. What were you going to do? 

“y/n?” 

The voice shook you to reality. You could tell the voice was yelling, attempting to overpower the crashing rain and its new friends; thunder and lightning. Your eyes move to follow the voice, your poor pupils meeting with a strong beam of light. You wince, using your arm to shield the light. A car sat in front of you, oddly enough. A car you didn’t quite recognize. Though the owner of the car would supposedly beg to differ. You bent down to get a better few of this mystery owner. 

You choke. 

It was Kim Gyuvin. 

You glance around before taking a step closer. “What are you doing here?”

“What?”

“I said; What are you doing here?” Your voice grew louder at the end. 

“Oh,” He picks at the nape of his neck. “I was driving by when I saw you. Who takes the bus in this weather?”

Your eyes fall to the ground; your soaked shoes. “Nobody could pick me up.”

The blanket of your silence was overwhelmed by the rapid taps of the rain droplet hitting against Gyuvin’s windshield. 

“Do you want a ride?”

Your eyes widen, spilling from their sockets. Was he being serious? Kim Gyuvin, the man who you knew for about 48 hours in total, just offered you a ride in his car. Was he insane? Between this and his little hand-holding habit, you were starting to get the impression that personal space was not in this man’s vocabulary. 

“What? No tha—”

A sudden strike of lightning flashes down near you, the earth below rumbling and jolting in fear. You clearly did the same, yelping out a shriek as you almost lost your own balance. Fear shot down your spine faster than the lightning strike you had just witnessed. Your eyes bounce back to Gyuvin’s car. Fuck it.

“Alright, fine.”

Cold. Your clothes were cold against your skin as you leaned back in Gyuvin’s passenger seat. The seatbelt pushed the wet fabric into your skin further, making you shiver at each movement. Your fingers fumbled with the straps of your bag, eyes boring into the neon green light of his car radio. Gyuvin’s eyes darted to you, overflowing with unease. “Music?”

“Uh, it’s fine.” Your eyes wandered to the crashing raindrops outside; the sky painted a deep navy blue. Your eyes followed each streetlight that flew by your view, desperate for a distraction. 

The two of you were drowning in awkward silence, nothing but the rumbles of thunder booming in your ears. You were suffocating. What else were you supposed to do? You didn’t exactly know what to say to the boy who asked you to be his fake girlfriend. You tapped your fingers against the nylon of your school bag. 

“Those girls from the other day,” Gyuvin’s voice suddenly peaked, his thumbs drumming against his steering wheel. “They hadn’t approached me at all, today. That fake relationship thing really worked.”

You only nod. Did people really think you were a couple?

The thought makes your stomach feel funny.

“Is it really that bad?” You looked over to him. 

Gyuvin huffed a sigh, his cheeks puffing up with air. “It happens almost every day. It drives me crazy.”

You gulp, Gyuvin’s response rendering you speechless. The most popular guy at school hated being popular. Ironic. Guilt clung onto your chest again. You had to admit; you felt bad for the guy. Having people chase you down the halls on a daily basis wasn’t an easy feat. And yet, he chose to stay popular. You couldn’t help but wonder why.  

Maybe you were a little curious when it came to the school’s pretty boy. 

You choke. What an absurd thought.                              

At that moment, intrusive thoughts flooded your brain. Thoughts of Matthew and the concert; thoughts of waiting for the bus on cruel, rainy days; the fact that this was the fastest you’ve ever gotten home after a student president meeting. You took note of the heater effortlessly thawing your frozen body, the shield of the windows protecting you from the crashing rain. 

Eventually, Gyuvin pulls into your driveway. He sets his car into park, fidgeting with the buttons to unlock the car doors. Your eyes met Gyuvin’s, which were already staring back at you. “I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Wait!” You began without thinking. Gyuvin’s brows furrowed together, confused.

“I'll do it. I’ll be your fake girlfriend.”

Gyuvin’s eyes split from their sockets. He leaned forward in shock. Maybe a little excitement, too. “What?”

“But,” You lifted a finger to the sky. With the way he stared back at you, you were convinced Gyuvin forgot to breathe. You continued. “I’ll only do it if you do something for me in return, got it?”

“Yeah, anything!” Gyuvin’s heart began racing.

“Drive me everywhere.”

Drive me everywhere.

Your voice replayed in Kim Gyuvin’s head. It replayed during the lacklustre lectures of his biology class; during the repetitive drills of his basketball practice warm ups. It was odd. The presence of you in his mind made his boring day a little less boring. 

As baffling as your demand was, Gyuvin couldn’t help but accept. In exchange for a fake relationship that would drive away the fangirls he had to deal with on a daily basis, Gyuvin would drive you to and from school everyday, as well as wherever else you wanted to go. It’s a win-win situation; a way to finally escape the horrors of those obsessive fangirls. A way to finally be at peace. Besides, he always felt a little bad watching you bus home everyday.

Gyuvin’s chest bubbled up with excitement. He wasn’t quite sure why. 

“No hugging? Really?”

The two of you sat in Gyuvin’s car, scribbling down what you both thought were important ground rules to have for this peculiar fake relationship. You’ve only agreed on three so far.

Kim Gyuvin drives Park y/n to and from school

Kim Gyuvin takes Park y/n to concert

Park y/n scares creepy fangirls away >:))

You grumble. It clearly didn’t dawn on you how much of a headache this would give you. Gyuvin leaned back on the driver’s seat, exasperated. You watched as he ran a hand through his hair, his brow’s furrowing at your seeming outlandish claim. You only nibbled at your lip; unsure of what exactly was so wrong with what you said. “Yeah. No hugging. Or touching, for that matter.”

“How would anyone believe us if I can’t hug you?” Gyuvin throws his hands in the air like a big baby. 

“I dunno? I’m just not a touchy person—It’s not a big deal.” You shrug, swatting away his concerns. Gyuvin springs up from his laid back stance, snatching the notebook away from your unassuming hands. You stay stunned, brows furrowing at what he was doing. You watch as he scribbles profusely before facing the journal your way the minute he finishes. 

Kim Gyuvin and Park y/n MUST hold hands (to avoid suspicion!)

The notebook drops onto your lap as you gaze back at Gyuvin, an unamused stare lining your face. “Really?”

“What? Holding hands isn’t that bad!” Gyuvin grins. “It’s not like we haven’t done it, either.”

Heat creeps up to your cheek. His remark earns a punch to his shoulder.

“Are you obsessed with my hands or something?” You scowl. 

This time, it was Gyuvin’s turn to grow absolutely flustered. His cheeks grew into a deep red, the wash of colour spreading all the way to the shell of his ear. He coughed out a lump from his throat as picked at the nape of his neck. “What? No—shut up!”

Gyuvin gulped, slightly turning away from you. “It’s a nice middle ground.”

You sigh, your shoulders sinking into the plush of his passenger seat. “Fine.”

You never thought you’d be spending your Wednesday afternoon eating ice cream atop the trunk of Kim Gyuvin’s car. 

It happened seemingly out of nowhere. One minute, you were sitting peacefully in the passenger’s seat. Your mind wanders absently as you hum along to the faint radio emitting from Gyuvin’s crummy speakers. Your windows rolled down halfway; just enough for the wind to graze against your face, to refresh your skin.

The next minute? Kim Gyuvin gasps at a sight on the road. With the way his eyes spilled out of their sockets, his jaw grazing his lap, and his finger jutting out before him, you would think there was a bear on the road, or something. Gyuvin begins to literally howl at the sight, his figure bouncing in his seat like a kid with candy. You finally look over to what the puppy boy was currently losing his mind over. 

It was an ice cream stand. On the side of the road. It wasn’t candy, but it was close enough. You rolled your eyes. 

“Wanna get ice cream?” Gyuvin’s puppy eyes glimmered with whimsy and wonder; you were at a loss for words. You picked at your lips, eyes avoiding his. “I dunno. I gotta be home soon—”

“But these ice cream stands always change locations—and their stuff’s the best!” You felt the car slowly move to the side of the road before coming to a slow halt. There was no point in arguing now. Gyuvin shifted the car in park. “We’ll be quick, I promise!”

You glanced up at Gyuvin’s eyes once more. They bore into you, glistening in a way that made your heart melt. Damnit. 

“Alright, fine.”

“YAYYY THANK YOUUU!” Gyuvin yelped at the top of his lungs as he sprung out of the car. He didn’t forget to dash to your side of the car, opening your door for you before practically skipping his way to the ice cream stand. 

You sat on the roof of his car’s trunk, your knees tucked up against your chest as your arms hugged them close. Your fingers loosely latch onto your cone of chocolate ice cream, the frosty exterior stopping you from holding onto the cone with a firm grip. Gyuvin sat beside you, leaning back with his legs sprawled over the trunk’s surface. He brought his mango-flavoured cone up to his lips, about to take his first bite before latching his attention onto you. “Aren’t you gonna eat?”

You gazed up at him. “Yeah, yeah. I will.”

It was peculiar; the way you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. He didn’t look different in a physical sense; same hazelnut hair, same basketball team jacket hugging his frame, same broad shoulders and tall physique. Yet, something was off. 

Kim Gyuvin was supposed to be the campus pretty boy. This elusive celebrity of the high school hallway. Completely untouchable to the masses. This Kim Gyuvin, however, was nothing of the sort. He was bubbly and bright. He was clumsy and jumpy. His energy worked overtime, it almost amazed you. He didn’t seem unattainable at all.

It was almost cute. 

You choke. What were you thinking? Kim Gyuvin wasn’t cute. Were you crazy?

“y/n!” The touch of a finger poking against your cheek pushed you back to reality. Your eyes once again met Gyuvin’s, now with a mad expression lining his face. “Hurry up and eat—I was waiting for you!”

You finally lick your ice cream cone, stupefied by the creamy consistency and perfectly sweet flavour. The treat melted in your mouth; it was addicting. You couldn’t stop eating it. In your peripheral vision you watched as Gyuvin watched you, a proud grin lining his face. “So? What do you think?”

“...Yummy,” You mutter in between bites. Gyuvin only chuckles. You watch as his puppy eyes fold into crescent moons and your heart melts faster than the ice cream in your hands. With his free hand, Gyuvin pokes out his index finger before lightly tapping the tip of your nose. 

“You’re so cute, y/n.”

Your heart performed backflips at his words. Maybe you were starting to prefer this bubbly Kim Gyuvin. 

Sweat beaded off your forehead. Nervousness drilled through your skin. 

The reason? Kim Gyuvin, who was currently standing outside of your classroom door. 

You knew that today was your first “official” day of the scheme. Hell, you planned the whole scheme out last night on call. Nevertheless, fear shot down your spine. You’ve seen Gyuvin’s fangirls first hand—you knew they wouldn’t handle this new relationship lightly. You weren’t sure if you’d make it out of today alive.  

Worst of all? It seems Gyuvin was actually enjoying this. 

Gyuvin’s shoulder leaned against the door frame as students funnelled through the narrow exit. Girls glance up in shock, whispering to their friends at the sight of the infamous Kim Gyuvin waiting for someone at the door. Waiting for someone that wasn’t them. 

Gyuvin’s eyes finally meet yours, a mischievous grin stretching across his face as waved at you. You glare back at him, looking around for a clear path before stomping over to him. 

“What are you doing here?” You seethed through your teeth, jutting a finger at his chest. 

Gyuvin only grinned. “I came to visit you before practice, baby!” 

The nickname summoned glares from all around you. You were done for. Your voice got quieter. “Didn’t we agree on meeting in the car? So I don’t, you know, die?” 

“That would take too long,” Gyuvin waved his hand. “I just wanted to see you.” 

Your cheeks flare up at his words. You frantically sweep your hands, gesturing to him to leave. “Well, you see me now, right? So shoo! Before more people kill me with their eyes.” 

“Alright, alright,” Gyuvin dragged on his words before his fingers laced in between yours. You jolt, most definitely not ready for the stupid stunt he was about to pull. 

Suddenly, Gyuvin gently cupped your hand in his, his thumb softly swiping against your skin as he lifted your hand up to his lips. Air stops right before it reaches your windpipe; you couldn’t breathe. Your heartbeat surged with energy as your eyes widened. He looks back at you one last time before grazing his lips against the heated, flushed surface of your skin. What was Kim Gyuvin thinking?

“Wish me luck at practice, love!”

You choked. Red paint smeared on your back, drawing out the image of a target. The stares of every girl in your homeroom burned through your skin. You glanced up at Gyuvin, a mischievous grin now sweeping across his face. A grin that calms you down in seconds. Odd, considering it's the same grin which sent your heart through turbulence just minutes before.

Maybe Kim Gyuvin is an idiot. 

Maybe he took it a little too far with that stunt he pulled. 

He couldn’t help it, though. He saw it in a movie once, and always wanted to try it out. Besides, your reaction was priceless. The way your eyes shoot out of their sockets, your jaw hanging to the floor. 

The way your cheeks flared up in minutes, like a milk bun in a toaster preheated way too high. The way you nibbled on your knuckle from your stress. The way your eyes glistened beneath the school’s building lights as you shot him a deathly glare. He could have sworn you carried a galaxy within them. 

Gyuvin couldn’t ignore how small your hand was compared to his, either. 

Soon enough, Gyuvin’s heart was pounding through his chest. Images of you clouded his vision. 

Gosh, you’re adorable. 

Gyuvin practically skipped on his way to practise.

Your stomps of fury echoed throughout the hallway leading up to your school's gym. The impact earned concerned stares from the students passing by, but you didn’t pay them any mind. You were laser-focused on one thing; getting answers from Kim Gyuvin. That cheeky asshole. 

What kind of stunt was that? Kissing your hand in front of the sea of fangirls at his disposal? Did he want you to die? With the way your heart was racing, you felt as though you were going to die anyway. You just chalked it up to your rage.

It couldn’t explain the way your cheeks ignited in flames, though.

Your frame burst through the gymnasium doors, the boom bouncing off every surface of the barren room. The facility was practically empty, save for a few students dressed clad in their gym strips and packing their bags to go home for the day. You counted maybe a handful of them standing around, gazing at you like a deer in headlights, but it didn’t matter. You were here for one person, and one person only. 

“Gyuvin!” Your voice leaped out of your chest without thinking. You gulp, watching as Gyuvin’s teammates slowly turn towards you, Gawking at you like some foreign creature of the wild. Gyuvin catches your figure in his gaze shortly after, a small smile hooking onto the corner of his lips. “y/n?”

“I need to talk to you.” Your voice softened this time around. A faux smile lined your lips as you made your way towards him.

“You miss me already?” Gyuvin innocently asked, a not-so-innocent grin smacked across his face. You only rolled his eyes. “Oh shush! What the hell was that stunt you pulled just—”

“Wait! These guys don’t know yet!”Gyuvin suddenly nudged your shoulder gently, interrupting you. Pressing a finger to his lips, he tilted his head towards his friends, his voice hushed. “They think we’re really dating!”

“So?” You crossed your arms, your voice meeting his.

“So, we gotta act like a couple!” Gyuvin’s hand gently traced the outside of your arm, slowly falling until he reached your fingertips. He clung onto your fingers loosely, the act making your heart race. “Remember the deal?”

Suddenly, a cog in your brain switched. All eyes were on you, each student curious what would happen next. All attention; laser focused on you. You weren’t looking for an answer, anymore. You wanted to make Kim Gyuvin pay for what he did; for drowning you in a sea of embarrassment. You wanted revenge. 

He wanted an act? Oh, you were gonna give him one, alright.

“I mean—Of course I missed you, baby!” Your voice sang sweet like honey. As you raise yourself onto your tippy-toes, your face inches closer to him. You watch as Gyuvin’s eyes spill from their sockets and his face plumps pink. He’s stunned to his core; you’ve turned him to stone. Your free hand cups the side of his face. A smirk lined your lips as they graze against Gyuvin’s cheek in a sweet kiss. 

Sweet, sweet revenge. 

You step away from the stunned puppy, clinging onto his fingers. You made sure not to miss the stunned faces of Gyuvin’s teammates, their jaws grazing the floor. And who could forget Gyuvin’s reaction? You certainly couldn’t, with the way his face drowned in red, his hands cupping over his mouth. You send him a flirty wink. “I’ll be in the car. Don’t keep me waiting!”

You skipped your way out of the gym, totally ignoring your racing heartbeat. It was just from the adrenaline, anyway. 

“What happened to Matthew, sweetie?” Your mom tilted her head to the side. 

You picked at your fingers, eyes darting between your socks and the coffee table just paces beside them. “He couldn’t make it tonight. Gyuvin offered to take me instead.”

Currently, you and Gyuvin are sitting on your living room couch, facing your parents. Barely facing, anyways; you have never been more nervous in your life than at this very moment. A gulp pushed through your chest. You weren’t fully sure why the campus pretty boy was currently in your home. You just wanted him to pick you up right before you had to leave for the concert that evening. Instead, he insisted on coming half an hour early to introduce himself to your parents. Was he crazy?

All of this felt so formal. Like it was a real date. It made your stomach swirl in on itself.

As his forehead proceeded to shed bullets, Gyuvin clumsily shot up from his seat, jutting a hand towards your dad. “My name is Kim Gyuvin, sir! I am y/n’s classmate and I happened to—uh—have tickets to the same concert as her—I have no ulterior motives with your daughter sir, we are just friends—” Gyuvin spat out in a rushed, single breath. Your body cringes as you watch from the sidelines. Your father hesitates, his brows furrowing as he takes the hand of the lost puppy. 

“Alright, then. Have her home by 11,” Your dad simply says. 

Gyuvin’s chest puffs up, determination swelling in his cheeks. “Yes, sir!”

You gaze up at him from your seat on the couch. The way his brunette head gleamed beneath your living room lights. You watched as his hands moved from fidgeting with his belt loops, to aggressively brushing through his hair, to clinging behind his back. You watched as his eyes burned with a passion you’ve never seen before. As if he was committed to making the best first impression to your parents. A weird feeling bubbled up your chest. 

You shot up from your seat and b-lined for the kitchen. “I’ll get everyone some water!” 

Escaping to the solitude of your kitchen, you swing open the cabinet door. You reach for the first cup you find before drowning it underneath the faucet water. The white noise of the water pressure flooded your mind. Your weird, weird mind. 

“Is that your new boyfriend?” The voice of your mother popped in your ears, nearly making you spit out your water. 

Boyfriend? Kim Gyuvin? Was your mother crazy?

You took another gulp of water. Your mother was only half wrong, you suppose. You were technically his fake girlfriend. But that wasn’t the same. Still, the thought made your heart race. 

“What? Mom—no!” You quickly brush the thought away. Or try to, anyway. “We’re just friends. It’s not like that.” 

You keep eye-contact with your socks as your mother’s voice peaks up again. “That’s too bad. I like him for you.”

You picked at your lips. Why was your heart beating so fast? “What do you mean?”

“The boy seems sweet. Not many guys your age are willing to drive someone around like that. He seemed so eager to meet us, too—that's rare. Plus, he's handsome!” Your mother sent you a soft smile. “Boys like that are hard to come across.”

Images of Gyuvin rush to your mind. Images you couldn’t swat away easily. With no final words, your mom slips out of the kitchen, leaving you to drown in your thoughts. 

It was odd, to say the least. 

Music was blasting in Gyuvin’s ears. It was blasting so hard, in fact, that Gyuvin could feel the bass ruminate in his chest. And when there wasn’t any music, the screams of fangirls filled in those gaps. Neon lights blared like sirens from the front of the stage; the brightness almost hurting his eyes. He was drowning in a sea of people; fans dedicated to the music of whatever band was playing before him. There were a multitude of distractions in front of him. 

Yet, Kim Gyuvin still had his eyes on you, standing beside him in the crowd.

The way your eyes sparkled the moment the band played your favourite song. The way you threw your arms in the air, dancing to the beat of the music and singing the lyrics with all your heart. The way your smile never failed to brighten up the dim concert hall. It was all Gyuvin could focus on. 

Gyuvin couldn’t keep his eyes off of you as his heart beat beneath his chest, overpowering the pressure from the music around him. The heat creeping under his skin could have easily been chalked up to the crowd of people pushing up against his body, but Gyuvin had a feeling that wasn’t it. The culprit was you, taking over every thought he had in his mind. 

What if it wasn’t fake?

You and him. Park y/n and Kim Gyuvin. What if it was real?

Gyuvin’s stomach flipped in on itself. 

He couldn’t help but laugh as a stranger’s shoulder bumped into him, jolting him back to reality. There was no way you’d want to be with him. This was all just one big lie, anyway. Gyuvin was just reaching for the stars. 

Maybe front row tickets weren’t the smartest idea.

As expensive of a purchase as they were, many people were still able to afford them. As a result, you were swimming in a crowd of avid, committed fans—and you could barely float. Don’t be fooled, you loved this rare opportunity to see your favourite band perform live. Nevertheless, standing in this crowd was exhausting. 

Soon enough, the concert had entered its third and final set of the night. But rather than losing their energy, like what was expected to happen at the end of the night, the crowd gained energy. Slowly, the people around you surged with energy; jumping up and down, shoving left and right. Your shoulders roughly crashed against those of your neighbours, but nobody noticed. Everyone was too busy enjoying themselves. 

You, however, weren’t. With each strike against your frame, fear shocked through your body. You felt closed in, trapped. You held your limbs close to your chest, out of fear that you’d hurt yourself. You needed a way out. 

Suddenly, the face of a certain someone appeared in your mind. A certain someone that you couldn't quite find at the moment. 

Where was Gyuvin?

You whip your head around, eyes frantically scanning the blurry, messy crowd. No one resembled the tall puppy boy you grew so familiar with. Your eyes could practically dry out with how hard you worked on them, searching for Gyuvin in a heated frenzy, but he was nowhere to be found. You were enclosed by waves of strangers, not one face looked vaguely familiar to you. Your breaths began to quicken as fear shot down your spine. Your body froze on the spot—a deer in headlights. 

Without warning, the touch of a hand grazed against your wrist. You didn’t have time to react before the hand clung onto you, pulling your figure to your right. Soon later, you crashed onto the tense surface of someone’s chest, their body heat swiftly igniting your own. 

You glance up, your eyes meeting those puppy eyes you know and love. 

Kim Gyuvin looked down at your figure, his gaze overflowing with worry and fear. Your heart finally begins to calm down, your mind finally clearing. You watch as his free hand reaches up to touch you, but it hesitates at the last second. The hand that clung onto yours, however, never dared to let go. 

“Stay close, okay? I don’t wanna lose you.”

You gulped, butterflies fluttering at the pit of your stomach. Only now did you fully register how close you two were. You were snug against his chest, faces just centimetres apart. You gazed up at his figure; the way his adam’s apple bobbed up and down, the way his once brunette hair blazed a cool indigo underneath the blaring stage lights. The way that his eyes collected stars as they hung onto you—only you. His breath wisps onto your skin, his shoulders effortlessly caging your frame in his. Your skin suddenly felt hot, flushed. 

There was something different about Gyuvin, tonight. You couldn’t put your finger on it.

You didn’t know what came over you, or what monster had possessed you just now, but you found yourself resting your head on Gyuvin’s chest for the rest of the concert. It felt safe there; a part of you never wanted to leave. 

“Thank you,” your voice didn’t reach past a whisper.

10:48pm. The sun retired beneath the sky. Stars peeked through the ebony fabric. The small glimmers of light you did see were in the form of streetlamps, quickly passing you as Gyuvin drove you home. 

It was night-time. It was dangerously close to your curfew. Yet you didn’t want to leave. 

Gyuvin’s car came to a soft halt as he drove into your driveway. He brought you home right before the hour of your curfew hits, like the gentleman he was. It made your stomach flip in on itself; made your head spiral in directions you didn’t deem possible before. What was Kim Gyuvin doing to you?

The air was tense, quiet. Neither of you spoke as you exited the car, the light outside your house cascading over your figures like liquid gold. You watched as Gyuvin’s eyes grazed through the gravel of your driveway; the leaves of your front yard hedge—but never on you. Though you did the same, it still made your heart sink a little. Was this really the end of the night?

“Hey,” Your voice peaked beneath the silence. “Thanks—for tonight.”

Finally, his eyes land on you. His hand reached up to cling on the nape of his neck. “I mean, you made me come here.”

“Hey! You started this, you know.” You roll your eyes to the stars above, crossing your arms and leaning back on the side of Gyuvin’s car.

Gyuvin’s eyes stayed on you as his figure inched closer. He shoved his hands in his pockets, the cool air condensing his breath into puffs of air every exhale he takes.  You felt your heart race beneath your chest again, forgetting to breathe, yourself, as Gyuvin rests a hip beside you. His eyes folded up into crescent moons. 

“And I don’t regret a thing.” His voice was soft, fragile. It made your heart leap.

It was as if the space around had faded away, leaving only you and Kim Gyuvin in its wake. This world was yours and yours alone. You felt your body shifting closer and closer to Gyuvin’s frame. Your figure slowly encases itself in his warmth; his body heat. Your eyes darted back and forth between your shoes and Gyuvin’s eyes. Butterflies bombarded your stomach. 

You thought back to your mother’s words from earlier that night. 

What if everything was real? What if you had something more?

Adrenaline shot through your chest. It was an absurd thought. But, you clearly weren’t thinking straight.

Your eyes latch onto Gyuvin’s lips. Your hands fiddled with the hem of your jacket. You took note of Gyuvin’s arm, reaching out to you before hesitating, eventually leaning on the roof of his car. His eyes lured yours in, holding them hostage as your hands developed a mind of their own; resting atop of Gyuvin’s shoulders. With your heart springing from your chest, your bodies move closer. Gyuvin’s palm slides up against your cheek as your eyes flutter shut. You felt the puffs of his warm breath graze against your skin. Sure, maybe you weren’t thinking straight. You haven’t been since the concert, but for once, you haven’t felt more sure about anything in your life. 

“y/n?”

The voice of your father jolts the two of you back to reality. You jump back, a wall of awkward space slicing through you. Your head darts over to your house’s front door, where you found your dad in his sleep robe and pyjama bottoms, leaning against the door frame. “What are you doing out here? It’s late. Get inside.”

You and Gyuvin simultaneously cleared your throats, your eyes dodging each other as you scramble to collect yourselves. You and Gyuvin said your hesitant goodbyes as you trekked into your home. 

Gosh, you’re so stupid.

Kim Gyuvin couldn’t move out of your driveway. His figure was frozen, immobile as he sat in the driver’s seat. His hands hung loosely around the stagnant steering wheel as his mind ran in circles. 

Kim Gyuvin is an idiot.

He was rash and reckless; a complete fool. He should’ve known better than to try and kiss you. He knew this relationship—this fake relationship, was nothing but a complex business venture. He knew that no real feelings were supposed to mix in this cauldron of lies. Things would turn messy if they did. You two had a simple deal; he would drive you around, while you drove away those crazy fangirls he had seemed to forget about. 

He also knew that none of that seemed to matter anymore. The more time he spent with you, the more he focused on you. You had his heart on lockdown; and he didn’t mind it one bit. 

He also knew that you could feel it, too. The way you leaned into him, your hands clinging onto his shoulders, pulling him in. The way you gazed up at him, your eyes glimmering golden from the streetlights above. Maybe it was too early to tell, but the excitement was already buzzing through his chest.

Maybe he had a chance. 

There was only one way he could find out. 

Sitting up straight, Gyuvin shifted his car in reverse before slowly backing out of your driveway. He opted to wait for another day, seeing how late it was in the evening. But that didn’t stop the adrenaline from coursing through his body. 

Kim Gyuvin is an idiot.

An idiot who has fallen for you.

“You almost WHAT?” Matthew’s voice jumped out of your phone like a fish out of water. You dug your head in your hands, a million different emotions rushing through your mind. You spun around in your desk chair, getting dizzy as you stared up at the ceiling. It didn’t matter though; your mind was already spinning. Spinning with thoughts of Kim Gyuvin. 

“We almost kissed.” You muttered, your head sinking onto the surface of your desk. “When he dropped me off yesterday. We just started talking outside his car. One thing led to another and—God, I wanna die.”

A series of incoherent mumbles erupted from Matthew’s line. “What stopped you? Why didn’t you just kiss him?”

“My dad caught us outside.” You groan, your fingers digging into your temples. “Besides, I was just being stupid. I shouldn’t have tried to kiss him.”

Matthew finally calmed down. You could hear him munching on a snack through the phone. “Why’s that?”

Wasn’t it obvious? You weren’t supposed to be with Kim Gyuvin. This relationship was supposed to be fake; a strict business plan. You had no real chance with Kim Gyuvin—he was the campus pretty boy, after all. You huff a sigh from your chest. 

“I can’t be with him. Everything we had—it’s all fake. A fake relationship so he could get away from those crazy fangirls, and I could stop taking the bus in the rain. We can’t just—”

“Do you like him?”

Matthew’s words cut through yours like a knife. You choke. Stubbornly, your mind ventures out to images of Gyuvin Images of Gyuvin’s puppy dog eyes—those very same eyes that would fold up into heart-wrenching crescent moons every time he smiled. You thought about his touchy tendencies and the ways he made your heart race. From booping your nose to kissing the back of your hand. You thought about how you first met; how he clung onto your hand for dear life. How you thought it was weird then, but now you didn’t seem to mind. No one seemed to make your heart flutter the same way Kim Gyuvin did. 

“Yeah.” You heard yourself answer without much thought. Heat creeped up to your cheeks.

“Then none of that matters!”

Your stomach flips in on itself. Matthew was right. You liked Kim Gyuvin; and you weren’t going to let anything get in your way. 

“I’ll call you back, Matthew.” You quickly swipe at your phone.

“GO GET YOUR MANS—” Matthew’s voice peaked through the mic before you hastily ended the call. 

You were more than disarrayed when it came to getting ready to leave the house. A haphazardly draped sweater hung over your figure. You didn’t bother to change out of your pyjama shorts as you slid on your house slippers. You weren’t fully sure if they were matching, either; you didn’t have the time to care. With your stare blazing with determination, you only cared about one thing; making your way to Kim Gyuvin. 

With more strength than you anticipated you swing your front door open, immediately greeting the harsh welcome of the afternoon sunlight and crisp breeze. After wincing at the light, you look up.

You choke. 

It wasn’t just the weather that greeted you with an extra shock factor this afternoon. With a rose in one hand, and his other hand balled up into a fist in the air—you assumed he was about to knock on your door—a figure stood before you. His puppy dog eyes stared back at you with determination as your heart performed backflips beneath your chest. 

Kim Gyuvin was already there; at your front door, waiting for you. 

“Gyuvin?!” You jolt, stepping out of the house and sealing the front door behind you shut. Kim Gyuvin towered over you, his tall frame shielding you from the blaring afternoon sun. But the warmth on your face stayed, all the same. You gulp, immediately aware of your less than tasteful current appearance. You swipe at your hair, taming any potential fly aways before fiddling with the handle of your zipper. You winced in embarrassment. “What are you doing here?”

Gyuvin nervously scans his surroundings before looking down at the rose in his hand. He pushes it forward; towards you. 

“I, um—I thought of you.”

Your heart simultaneously surged with energy and melted into a puddle; were you having a heart attack? Your fingers grazed the rose, your chest buzzing with a feeling you couldn’t explain. You part your lips to say something, but it seems Gyuvin wasn’t finished. 

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you, actually. Ever since I met you and randomly held your hand, I can’t stop thinking about you.”

You gulp. “Gyuvin—”

The puppy boy gazed down at his shoes, the shell of his ear turning pink. “Maybe this is selfish, but I don’t like having to use some weird, intricate plan to spend time with you. I wanna drive you around, but not just because it’s a rule we discussed on a piece of paper. Everything in me is telling me that I need to be with you. Like—really be with you.”

“Gyuvin—” 

“I know you probably don’t wanna hear this. I just wanted to get it off my chest. I  guess I should’ve planned this out more, sorry about that—”

“Gyuvin!” You watched as the puppy boy jumped, his eyes collecting stars in broad daylight; it amazed you. 

Gosh, you couldn’t take it anymore. 

It all happened in mere seconds. Your heart danced beneath your chest as it heaved with energy. You were a balloon seconds before popping. Your limbs gained rebellious minds of their own, your legs inching closer to Gyuvin’s frame as your arms reached out to cling onto his jacket. Gyuvin only gazes back at you, his figure not daring to step away from you as he lets you pull him closer. A thread of space hung in the balance of your faces. With your mind splitting in different directions, and your heart finally leading your body, you squeeze your eyes shut; 

Capturing your lips in his. 

Candy. Kim Gyuvin tasted like candy as your lips melted into his. Slowly but surely, your figures began to move. Gyuvin’s touch was soft, fragile. His arm gently snakes around the small of your waist as the other supports your head by the palm. Your hands slip on either side of Gyuvin’s face, pulling him closer. He was snug against your frame—so close that he could feel the butterflies erupting from the pit of your swirling stomach. So close that he could touch the heart that was beating rapidly. Rapidly for him. Nevertheless, you wouldn’t dare to let him go. 

Your lips hesitantly pluck apart, both of you torn between reaching out for another kiss and taking a much needed deep breath. Your chest heaves as you glance up at him, your face drenched in flustered heat. Kim Gyuvin wasn’t any better, with his face smeared in red blush. It was gut-wrenchingly adorable. You gulp, still breathless. 

“I wanna be with you, too.”

Gyuvin only gapes at you, completely stunned as you continue. “From the moment I met you, you never failed to amaze me. Everything with you has been so spontaneous and fun—it’s all so new to me. But I don’t hate it. I wanna experience more with you, Gyuvin. I wanna be with you—for real, this time.”

The silence, accompanied by the squawks of the birds in the sky, drops you into reality as your skin runs hot from embarrassment. Gyuvin only gulps, his hold on your waist tightening ever so slightly. His eyes gaze into yours, practically forming into hearts as he pulls you close. 

“God—I like you so much, y/n” Gyuvin’s chest buzzed with excitement as he peppered small kisses all over your face. Your heated, flushed face. You reach up to play with his brunette hair, a smile staining your cheeks. 

“I like you more, dummy.”

Kim Gyuvin leaned against the doorframe of your classroom. 

You skipped your way over to your boyfriend as the clamour of students packed up their belongings for the day. Eyes of every girl in your class darted towards you and Kim Gyuvin. It was the school’s latest hot topic; the campus pretty boy and the stingy class president—a match made in heaven.

It was as if your bodies were made for one another; the way you folded into each other’s arms with immense ease. Gyuvin’s arm snaked around your waist as you clung onto the nape of his neck, pulling him in for a sweet kiss. 

“You got practice?” You ask after pulling away. 

“Yeah.” Gyuvin huffed. “Just wanted to see you!”

“You’ll be late, Gyuvin.” You cross your arms, cocking an eyebrow. “You’re not just trying to stall and eventually skip, are you?”

Gyuvin only dragged on a long, indecisive hum before you sent a fist to his shoulder. “Go to practice!”

“Okay, fine!” Gyuvin bends down and places a quick peck on your cheek. Even as your boyfriend, Gyuvin never failed to make your heart flutter. “I’ll see you later, baby!”

As you retired back to your desk to retrieve your things, you felt the stares of various fangirls burning through you. But they didn’t matter. Unfortunately for them; you had Kim Gyuvin’s heart on lockdown, and you wouldn’t have it any other way!

[rumunstelle]

Manager of my Heart

Warnings : None

Summary : As the manager of Luxiem, you were responsible with managing these boys. Who would've know these boys would develop... An interest in you..?

(In this fanfic, NIJISANJI is an ACTUAL office, where all the liver's go to, to stream :PP)

In the bustling heart of NIJISANJI EN's headquarters, there was a palpable sense of excitement as Luxiem prepared for their upcoming anniversary stream. The members being Luca, Shu, Ike, Mysta, and Vox

They were well-known for their charisma and charm, but behind the scenes, they shared a common, unspoken distraction. Their interest for you, their manager

You were the definition of efficiency, your head always buried in your planner, phone pressed to your ear as you coordinated events, sponsorships, and media appearances. Your obliviousness to anything not but your schedule was almost comical at most

As they gathered in the conference room to discuss the stream's logistics, the members exchanged knowing looks. Each harbored a gentle admiration for you, appreciating your dedication and often, your unintentional neglect of their not-so-subtle hints of affection

Shu, more reserved, showed his affection through helping you when your in need. Like, helping you with the technical issues. Your not the brightest when it comes to technical stuff, but luckily Shu was there to happily lend you a helping hand!

Ike, the dear novelist, attempted to engage in deep conversations about books and art, hoping to catch your interest. Even though, you always engaged, you were to caught up with work to notice the deeper intentions behind his words

Luca, threw flirtatious comments your way. But, in a very dorky way “(Y/n), if I had a stream for every time you crossed my mind, I’d never be offline" You chuckled, scribbling notes without missing a beat. “Make sure those streams are scheduled properly, Luca. We wouldn’t want your fans missing out on any of that charm”

Mysta, helping out with anything he can, just to help you with your work, and not stressing us much about your work, yet sometimes his 'help' makes more problems for you. Yet, you still really appreciate him trying to help as best as he can!

Vox, definitely more protective of you when you guys are out. Whether you like it or not, he'll definitely accompany you when your out and about. He doesn't want any creeps to go near you

And despite their efforts, you remained blissfully unaware of there hints of affection. To you, these were just endearing quirks of your talented team, nothing more, nothing less

The anniversary stream was a roaring success, filled with laughter, games, and an outpouring of support from fans

As the night drew to a close, you gathered them together, your eyes sparkling with how proud you are of them!

“You all did wonderfully tonight!” You beamed, your genuine appreciation warming their hearts. “I don’t know what I’d do without such a dedicated team!"

As they all shared a celebratory toast, the members exchanged glances once more. Perhaps it was better this way, their feelings a quiet undercurrent that strengthened their bond rather than complicating it

After all, in the whirlwind world of vtubing, some secrets were best kept just between the lines of a planner and the quiet moments before the stream went live

[jalenay]

Nothing's Wrong with Dale - Publishing Update May 4 2024

So my work work is starting to relax - it'll be 'normal' working hours after May 15, but i'm manifesting some early additional free time (by ignoring some of the things i still have left to do) and i thought i'd give an update on my current NWWD plan to fill you guys in (if anyone wants to know) and to motivate myself to, you know, do it.

let me know what you think and if you have any questions! or if there's anything else you want to know!

So the overall plan is as follows:

First Rough Edit - this is basically just changing the POV from 2nd POV to 3rd POV. This is very tedious and currently what I'm doing right now. I'm also making a list as I go for high level updates/changes i want to make. Just thinking about the story as a whole and what tweaks i want to make now that the whole thing is finally done (primarily moving exposition around, if there's anything extra i can remove, timing of when certain things are discussed, and so on).

My Main Edit - this will be more time consuming but probably more fun as i do my main revise and edit of the story as a whole. i'll likely print the entire story out, make edits on hard copy, and then type up all the edits. I will also probably be sending the updated chapters to my main beta, for her opinion. (this would be the person i first texted about Dale in Dec 2021, she deserves first look lol)

Editor - After I'm happy with what I've done, i'll send the entire thing over to my editors, the main ones who worked on DSM. This will likely take a good amount of time (DSM took one month) but in many ways involves less effort from me lol. Just nerves.

Cover, Self-publishing Details - while my editors have the manuscript, I'll be narrowing down what I want the cover to look like and hiring a cover artist. (i've got a short list of artists right now, but i'll probably continue to refine that). I'm bad a visualizing covers and so this will be hard for me, although i have some basic ideas. i'll need to gather reference photos too and then work with the artist. I also want to publish more widely than just Amazon and will hopefully get DSM out to other places as well as a test run before NWWD. Look into more marketing? This is the most miscellaneous of the steps.

Process Edits - actually go through all the edits and notes given to me by my editor. This takes a lot of time (and is mentally taxing - no one likes to read pages of people telling you what you need to fix about what you wrote even if its overall extremely helpful and necessary)

Finalizing - I'll send the edited version to my first beta and another ARC reader/friend. I'll work on the formatting for the book. Coordinating where it will be published and when.

Publishing!

This is a loose list of steps that I mostly defined right now, but are similar to what i did with DSM. As i said, I'm in step one, currently just finished Chapter 25 of 36 of that rough edit.

I'll try to provide some updates on the process at it moves along, if people are interested in hearing about that. I'll most likely keep those updates on this blog, along with any other publishing specific commentary. if any one has any questions or thoughts on the whole thing, please feel free to send them to this blog or comment on this post.

I'm very excited to really dig into publishing NWWD and looking forward to sharing it with you!

Thanks to everyone for all their support - I wouldn't even be considering this (i probably wouldn't have even had a finished draft) with you!

[usafphantom2]

How I Missed the D*mn War – Part 1

Monday, August 5th, 1990, my buddies phone rang and it’s his Aircraft Commander (AC) telling him he is now in crew rest, to pack a bag for 90 days, report to the squadron in 12 hours, and no, he didn’t know where they were going.

Fifteen minutes later, my AC called me. I was needed at the squadron to help load and preflight aircraft that were deploying in 12 hours. We still didn’t know where we were going or how long we’d be there, but the news was hitting the airwaves that the United States was reacting to Saddam Hussein’s invasion of Kuwait.

Twenty-four hours later, in KC-135R 58-0059, I was sitting in my cockpit seat, right behind the AC, taking off out of Loring AFB ME headed to Lajes Field in the Azores, a small island in the eastern Atlantic. We had an airplane full of support gear for the 9-hour sortie. I can’t recall for sure if we dragged any fighters on that first flight, but judging on the flight duration, I think we did.

An Air Bridge was being put in place to get Air Force fighters, sometimes referred to as chicks, from the East Coast all the way to Saudia Arabia, or Down Range as it was known to us. Our job flying from the Lajes was to meet up with tankers flying east from the east coast, take their fighters and escort them to the Strait of Gibraltar where other tankers would be waiting to take them through the Mediterranean Sea.

It would be one tanker with anywhere between two and six fighters, depending on the fighter type. A-10s tended to be flights of six aircraft, whereas F-15s usually came in groups of four. For F-4s, the thirstiest of the fighters, there were usually only two. It wasn’t a hard and fast rule, but rather determined by many factors including weather, location and availability of divert airfields, the fighter’s fuel requirements, and the tanker’s available offload.

I always had great respect for the schedulers and planners who put all this together. The amount of coordination needed was enormous. Tankers on the east coast, supported by many bases, tankers in the Atlantic at the Azores, tankers the Mediterranean, all had to be able to meet at their rendezvous points without fail or somebody was going to end up in the drink. Nobody wanted that.

For us, at the Azores, life was good. The weather was absolutely stunning with the sun shining and the temperatures in the 80s. I had never been there before, and wrongly assumed it was like that all the time. Everything we needed (food, beer, pool, gym) was within walking distance except heading to the temporary squadron that was hastily set up. If we were flying, we’d wake up late in the morning and head over to the gym, then off to the chow hall for lunch and then report to the squadron for a sortie. If we weren’t flying, then it would be the pool and the NCO club.

The formations from the East Coast came in waves about an hour apart. That worked well, until one evening mother nature intervened. The diversion for weather caused some serious confusion, and we had tankers stacking up in an orbit waiting for their receivers. One AC who didn’t get the memo decided not to coordinate with the other holding tankers, who were stacking up in altitude, and entered the orbit at the planned altitude, which was already occupied by a tanker that had taken off a couple of hours earlier. Both aircraft circled around the orbit for a while until eventually, they crossed paths and almost collided. One of the pilots said they he was able to see the map light in the cockpit of the offending aircraft and reported that they were easily within fifty feet of each other. TCAS, or Traffic Collision Avoidance System, did not exist in those days, so there was no safety net. The funny part, not that it was that funny, was that the offending pilot was actually the head of Stan/Eval or Standards and Evaluations, the people who gave Check Rides and made sure everybody was doing things correctly.

At the Strait of Gibraltar, we’d often meet up with a KC-10. They could carry more fuel for offloading and could be refueled themselves providing even more flexibility. If we had extra gas when we met up with the KC-10, we’d refuel them, giving them the extra so they’d have it if needed.

After sorties or on days we weren’t flying, the NCO club was the place to go. C-141s were landing everyday to refuel, there were no tankers available for direct flights, and they often spent the night. There airplanes were filled with ground pounders making their way down range.

One evening, we ran into some KC-130 enlisted Marines crew dogs who were bragging about how they were the “tip of the sword.” One of our older, more experienced, and more inebriated booms started yelling at them, “Tip of the Sword my ass, we’ve been here for two effing weeks.” Fortunately, we managed to avoid getting our asses handed to us by buying them all a round of drinks and doing carrier landings on a table.

By the way, we drank the base dry. They literally ran out of beer. For a few days you couldn’t find a six pack of beer anywhere on base, but eventually we were resupplied, and all was well again.

And then, all of the sudden, that little piece of heaven melted away like a chocolate bar in the sun. Aircraft and crews started moving around again. Some of our guys went Down Range, some went home. The Down Range guys went to France, Spain, Italy, Egypt, Saudia Arabia, Doha, and Deigo Garcia.

I was on a crew that was sent back home, back to good old SAC Alert watching the continuing buildup on Headline News wanting to get back to. A few weeks later, I returned to the Azores and the difference was startling. The weather had gotten cold and rainy, all the tankers were gone, the C-141s landing was reduced to a trickle, the NCO club was empty, and there were no missions to fly. All the fighters that needed to be moved had been moved.

My crew was headed down range…

(stay tuned for How I Missed the D*mn War – Part 2)

Photos: Lajes Field runway, the parking ramp, my AC and copilot, an A-10 receiver during one of the missions

@tcamp202 via X

[dailyhelldorm]

[TL] Eichi 3☆ Story - Together

Writer: Happy Elements, Inc (Happy Elements株式会社) Characters: Tori, Yuzuru, Eichi Season: Autumn

Eichi: Fumu. I don't mind. But I want to know your reason. Just why do you want to leave it for next time? Tori: Uhm, you see. If we are wishing for dreams, then they should be made by everyone in 'fine'… can the four of us do it together?

[Let's start ♪]

Location: Common Room

Tori: Ah~ah~ Even though today is 'Eichi Day', Hibiki-senpai suddenly has work to attend to. We even promised to visit the aquarium together too.

Eichi: Oh my, Tori. Having me here is not making up for your loneliness because of Wataru’s absence?

Tori: Eh? No way, there isn't such a thing, Eichi-sama! Being able to hang out with Eichi-sama, I'm already happy as it is ♪

It is just that, I was slightly looking forward to our four-people date to the aquarium, that's all...

Yuzuru: Well, this time it couldn't be helped, Bocchama. I heard that the theater group Hibiki-sama belongs to suddenly called him in, they needed an emergency substitute for their local play.

Tori: Oh well. I understand that he still needs to prioritize his work first and foremost.

Eichi: That's right. It's a shame that Wataru can't join us, but let's save the enthusiasm for the later day. Today will only have three of us enjoying our day off together.

Tori: Uhm. Just like what you said.

Ehehe~ Eichi-sama. Today I will escort you with all my might!

Eichi: Fufu. I am looking forward to it ♪

Yuzuru: Then, two young masters, where shall we visit today?

Tori: Eichi-sama, what do you want to do today?

Eichi: U~hm. Let's see...

Ah, I do. Actually, I want to come to this certain place—

Location: Shopping Mall 1F

Yuzuru: Uhm... This place is the shopping mall.

Tori: Eichi-sama. Is this the place you truly want to come?

Eichi: Yes. I was feeling like doing some shopping today.

Yuzuru: Shopping... In my opinion, you needlessly have to do the shopping by yourself, the Tenshouin Household opts to do it for you. May I know your reason?

Eichi: Well. Although all the goods here and there are brought into the salon gathering by the responsible parties, just gazing at those things... How it is, isn't that quite monotonous?

When I just graduated from Yumenosaki, I once excused myself and came to watch Hajime-kun and everyone doing a shopping mall live here...

After the live, we walked around and went shopping together, and it was a fantastic experience. So by all means, I wish to share that joy with Tori and Yuzuru.

Tori: Heh, did something like that happen? I am so happy that Eichi-sama wants me to experience the same interesting stuff that happened to you... ☆

Eichi: Fufu, if you are happy with it then I am pleased.

Yuzuru: I have understood Eichi-sama's reason for choosing this place. If that is the case then I will support you to the best of my ability.

Eichi: Yes. I am counting on you. Besides that, do you know recently that they have installed a transacting register system for consumers to scan their own purchases? If I'm not mistaken... I think they call it the self-checkout.

That sounds very intriguing. I want to try and meddle with that machine at least once... ♪

Tori: Eh, there is a thing like that!? I want to try it too!

Eichi: Then shall the two of us do it together?

Yuzuru: Uhm... From what I can see, it's quite a shame that all the stores around this place have yet to install self-checkout machines.

Location: Cafe Shop

Tori: Fufufu~ We have gone and bought a lot in our shopping! Eichi-sama has coordinated me today, so on our next 'Eichi Day', I will organize the date for him.

Eichi: I am looking forward to it, Tori.

Yuzuru: After we're done with our shopping, Eichi-sama strongly suggests that we come to this cafe and have our rest here… Do you have some intention in your mind?

Eichi: Yeah. Truthfully, I have wanted to eat 'this thing'.

Tori: Do Eichi-sama have something you want to eat? Let me see the menu too ♪ Let's see, let's see...

Eh!? Eichi-sama wants to eat this?

Eichi: Yes. This Dream Jumbo Parfait is becoming a hot topic on SNS, so I want to eat it once.

That said. As one might expect, it will be difficult for one person to finish the parfait due to its enormous size. So I want everyone to join in and we can eat it together.

For some reason, they say that if they finish eating this parfait, their 'wish' will come true. And it seems that there is someone out there who actually got an actual result.

Fufu. Even when I found the talk absurd, I also think this is quite a fun thing to do. Maybe we should ask for ‘fine'’s smooth advance and for our dreams to come true?... ♪

Yuzuru: This parfait seems four times bigger than a normal one... Just from viewing its picture, I already feel my stomach full...

Overeating is no good. Much less to say about Eichi-sama's body, in exchange for finishing the parfait, it might make your body go down for a while.

Eichi: Oh dear, Yuzuru's words are as harsh as always.

How about you Tori? You enjoy sweet things, right?

Tori: Uhm... About this... I...

Yuzuru: Oh my? What is with your stutter I may ask? I had expected that Bocchama would start whining just to eat the parfait... Is there something wrong?

Tori: You know, Eichi-sama. About this parfait, can we eat it the next time?

Eichi: Fumu. I don't mind. But I want to know your reason. Just why do you want to leave it for next time?

Tori: Uhm, you see. If we are wishing for dreams, then they should be made by everyone in 'fine'... can the four of us do it together?

Therefore, next time when Hibiki-senpai joins us, why won't we come again and eat it then?

Eichi: ...Ah, that's right. Just like what you said, Tori.

On our next 'Eichi Day' with Wataru too, let’s challenge the parfait when the four of us are together. ♪

[The end ☆]

[fazedlight]

Cameo had a sale and I couldn't resist! Transcript below the cut. Twitter link is here.

Hi Melissa! Name twins. Thanks so much for requesting this cameo, I hope you had a really happy holiday if you celebrate Thanksgiving, I hope it was a really nice one. And thanks for these great questions! When I directed the episode of Supergirl that I directed, on shows like that, you don't typically have too much control over the story or things like that. It was really to make things easier to shoot, you would change something. Or if I had an idea that would tie in with a location that I chose - which, that was something I had control over, which location we used for Lex Luthor's house, we did a whole location scout. So you get to choose those spots, and how it will look on camera. That being said, every decision I made, it was a collaboration with the directory of photography, it was a collaborations with the [Associate Directors], it was a collaboration with costumes and wardrobe and everyone to make sure everything would work on the day we were shooting whatever scene. Also those superhero shows are really complicated to shoot as you can imagine, with the action, the special effects, the stunts. So really, I had control beforehand of very little, but then on the day you have control on what you say to the actors and principle actors on set with where you want to go, but also you're trying to match the tone of the show that's been established, that there's been multiple seasons of. So that's fun! And then after the fact in the editing room, you really get to collaborate 1:1 with the editor to try to make the episode more your own and give it your own voice, even though it lives in this existing world that's been established. I loved it, and it was really great, and we had the best crew, so I worked with really awesome people that I loved!

And with my book, the process of writing with my sister, we kind of came up with the idea together. Jessica is a writer, she's a much better writer than me, we'd kind of come up with ideas together, brainstorm, she'd kinda go, I'd help finesse, we had a fantastic editor. But storywise we really came up with the world and mythology together. And I go by Melissa in life! Actually, everyone on set at Supergirl called me Mel. I think because one of the stunt coordinators, Simon, started calling me Mel, and then all of a sudden I became Mel. Which, never in my life was I ever a Mel, suddenly on Supergirl I was a Mel - I was fine with it! You're awesome too, thanks for the support, thanks for reaching out, I send all my love!

[randomnameless]

My husband came up with this idea that made me see Ionius in a slightly different way: Edelgard mentions that the Empire "demands many heirs" in her Goddess Tower support w/ Byleth, hence why Ionius had a load of kids by different women. Normally I'd think "wow that's stupid, way to invite a power struggle after you're dead" but what if it's actually an Empire tradition? Like, Ionius maybe is the first Emperor in a while to try to consolidate power but maybe only one of many to have a ton of kids, AND the reason is not only to have a kid with a Crest, but that the Slitherers practice Crest experimentation on each generation of heirs with the hope of creating a two-crested Nemesis clone to help them kill off the Nabateans. Ionius just happened to be the survivor of his batch of siblings. Maybe having 10-11 kids is to make sure that some of them will live long enough to be the next Emperor, and that's why the "Empire demands many heirs."

Oh!

FWIW, the Index of Imperial Nobility mentions how House Vestra is supposed to "coordinate things such as Imperial Consorts", adding to that how House Vestra has been at the Hresevelgs' back since the danw of the Empire, yeah, we can make a pretty good case that Adrestia has a long standing tradition of, uh, imperial consorts and all.

It can be seen as dumb because it invites power struggles, but it avoids the issue that could very well have happened with the Kingdom, aka Dimitri ded = the King's direct line is dead and it's chaos because one of the first duties of a King/Emperor/Leader under those kinds of hereditary systems is, well, to secure a heir - the lineage cannot be broken!

(that's where we usually have sekrit heirs popping up from nowhere in some kinds of stories, or bastard children !)

Having multiple Consorts - thus a large number of heirs - makes it sure that the line will not be broken as easily as, idk, a baby choking on a pretzel or a serious flu.

However, as Hanneman mentions in Hubert's support, having dozens of consorts means creating dozens of families who suddenly have to get some privileges bcs the Emperor is figging their daughters - and depending on how powerful those families are, if the Emperor obviously favors one kid over the others (or pisses on one over the others) one of those families might not be happy and start shit in the Empire - taking more and more consorts means shaving little by little the power of the Emperor in Adrestia!

(and guesses who spearheads the insurrection? Arundel, one of those "consort kin"!)

The topic of Ionius' 11 children is sadly forgotten by the plot - but iirc Word of God said the Ordelias (Lysithea) were experimented upon as a test, and when the Agarthans had, uhhh, conclusive results, they experimented on the Hresvelgs.

Given who was in charge when Ordelia was ran over by Adrestia - even if no character mentions the consequences or make a link because you have tea bags to sell - imo it would totally make sense that Ionius killed two birds with one stone : flexing his underdeveloped muscles at peons who helped people who dared to betray him, and getting guinea pigs for his plans to get the strongest Emperor ever.

Bear in mind that the Ordelia fuckery was done before the Insurrection aka, Ionius had this plan before Ludwig'n'co decided to depose him!

(Was Vestra aware of what was going on? Who were the Agarthans working with Ionius? Is it a situation à la Manfroy'n'Arvis, people disapproving of the Emperor listening at shady people?)

The Ordelia experiments leads me to believe the plan to become "super strong with dual crests" was hatched and developed during the Ionius era, but again, the game is so crappy at lore building that we don't even know if Ionius had 10 (legitimate) sibs, or only 5, and what they are doing when Supreme Leader is running the show, or did when Ionius was defanged.

Granted, we don't know since when Agarthans are slithering in Adrestia - if we believe the "Willy's sekrit history" was tampered with and assume Supreme Leader was telling the truth, that it was passed down in generations, maybe Agarthans were slowly manipulating Adrestian Emperor to get their revenge on Nabateans (in Nopes, a book about the rebellion of the Southern Church mentions how the Emperor wanted to cut ties with the Central Church anyways since a long time, but doesn't explain why).

And so, maybe Agarthans devised several plans, that all failed, to make the Hresvelgs turn against the Church and be strong enough to be flattened in 5 seconds, and it only worked during Ionius' era ?

We will never know, but it's still fun to think and headcanon about!

To bounce back on the "Adrestia demands many heirs" thing, given how I am fond of a certain AU, what if

This came up as a reaction to the entire Lycaon debacle?

Wilhelm 1 picked a heir, his heir died "to a mysterious illness" and instead of assuming rulership or helping another heir to rule - like he did for Lycaon - Wilhelm bailed out of Adrestia.

It could be explained by Lycaon being the golden child and favourite kid of his dad, so if he's not the one ruling, Dad doesn't give a fuck anymore about his Empire... or -

What if Lycaon was Willy's only child, and the subsequent Hresvelgs are "cousins" or members of a branch family?

In that case, it wouldn't be Willy playing favourites, but bailing out because his own son "suddenly fell ill and died" and he wouldn't be as involved as he was in helping his own kid, if now we're talking about helping a great grand-nephew or someone else.

(Rhea would have had to give a transfusion to the subsequent Emperor - i name her by convenience Hildegarde bcs no imagination and it's faster to type than "the female emperor who succeeded Lycaon and dueled against Ferdie's ancestor who wanted the throne" - to make people believe there is a direct continuity between Wilhelm, Lycaon, Hildegarde and her future heirs).

In that "only kid" scenario, it would also justify why House Hresvelg became so obsessed with taking Consorts and having a lot of heirs - Adrestia was nearly left Emperor-less after Lycaon's death because they had no other heirs to pick a successor from...

[obstinatecondolement]

This is something I did look into a few years ago without any luck, but does anyone know of anywhere I could buy a Navajo floor spindle from a Native seller? I can find any amount of them for sale from various general spinning/weaving/etc. suppliers, but I am reluctant to buy a tool relating to an indigenous crafting tradition from Some Company (or even Some Etsy Shop run by a non-Native) that does not remotely benefit the (very marginalised) community that the tool originates from.

I am a hobbyist spinner who does not make any money from spinning, and would not try to exoticise the fact that I was doing a Navajo style of spinning or position myself as an expert in it. I am interested by using a large spindle supported on the floor to spin largely because it looks more ergonomic and I am interested in learning styles of spinning that are new to me.

Also though, if anyone is aware of if the general consensus among Navajo craftspeople is that they would rather that non-Natives do not try to learn this kind of spinning, and can point me in the way of any information along those lines, that would be appreciated, because I do not want try to take ownership of things that are not mine to take.

I am also unclear about whether "Navajo spindle" is a term that is being used by non-Native spinners as an umbrella to group together various traditions of spinning? I am (passingly) familiar with the spinning and weaving traditions in the Navajo community, but there is something on The Woolery's website called a Blackfoot Spindle, which, has the following in its product description:

These Blackfoot Spindles were produced in coordination with Marilyn Wright (featured in Summer 2013 Spin Off magazine). They are handmade with a notch cut into the shaft that helps facilitate this almost lost spinning technique. Includes illustrated instruction pamphlet. This technique of spinning was almost lost. At the turn of the last century the tribal elders of the Blackfoot Confederacy declared that all spindles should be burned and that there would be no more spinning. A very relaxed way to spin on a unique spindle. Order this Navajo style spindle for sale today.

Like... I am not saying that all members of the Blackfeet Nation would be like "Well, tribal elders said a century ago that there was to be no more spinning, so I'm glad that tradition is (almost?) gone, actually" or that they wouldn't want it to be revived (or that there aren't efforts within that community to revive it that I am not aware of), but it feels to me like it does not fall to non-Native spinners to revive or ~save~ this style of spinning the way that this ad copy seems to be suggesting and that it's kind of a patronizing thing to imply.

Also, given that many spinners refer to chain-plying as "Navajo-plying" when Navajo spinners say that it is not something that originates in their spinning tradition, this leads me to believe that the term "Navajo spindle" may be used in a way by non-Natives that is flattening out and equating diverse spinning cultures originating in the Americas.

Anyway, the last time I was exploring this I kind of lost steam and decided to make a one-off donatation to Adopt a Native Elder to send a yarn bundle to a traditional Navajo weaver instead, so that I was actively supporting a non-hypothetical Navajo craftsperson in making a living from their crafts instead of just indulging in navel gazing about whether making my own spindle was a more respectful way to engage in their crafting traditions than buying a "Navajo" spindle from Some Company would be, which may well be what I land on doing again, but if there is a Native spinner out there who sells spindles I would love to support their business.

[firstagent]

What It's Like To Get Elected

Has it been another month since my last story update again? Uh… it’s still going.

Anyway, switching to another subject since I promised to talk more politics. As I mentioned before, I’ve been active with my local Democratic party. As far as getting into the room, getting access to important people, and giving them reality checks (and boy, do they need reality checks sometimes), I can’t recommend joining enough. Assuming you’ve got the spoons for it, and your local party don’t turn out to be assholes. That’s another conversation.

I also mentioned I was running for local school board. And guess what? I won!

In a small miracle for this town, we only had three candidates for three positions. Well, a small miracle and some excellent coordination from the local lefties. Because we were essentially unopposed, a lot of the steps of normal campaigning didn’t apply this time. Which is a shame, because I had a design for yard signs all set to go.

I did, however, interview for unions! That looks like a big Zoom call with a bunch of local reps where they ask you questions to make sure you support unions. The teachers union asked me about supporting LGBTQ+ students. Anyway, if you stalk me and find my Ballotpedia page (I only discovered a couple weeks ago that I had a Ballotpedia page) you’ll find two union endorsements. So that’s fun.

So is defending those endorsements and my Dems activity on community Facebook groups when people were under the impression they don’t get involved in local races. Maybe they should ask the county board candidate who swore up and down he didn’t take outside money, while taking $700 from the county Republicans. We have receipts.

Because of that nonsense I was more focused on his race than mine on Election Day. Hearing results when you’re running sometimes works a little differently, as you probably know someone working the polls that will share the results before the internet and news networks find them. So I heard about the local results well before they were published. And yes, I won! And that Republican guy lost. Bonus.

What happens next? For starters, training sessions. The state’s school board association emailed me the next morning with a login for their site. Three meetings in the next month will help get me up to speed: an orientation with the actual board, a gathering for new members in the region, and then an all-day affair about the specific governing model we have. It’s a lot, but it shows how much they prepare you going in, if you’re committed to actually doing the job right.

The biggest reality check came when I went to the next school board meeting, the lame duck session, if you will. For one, when I got there I got handed payroll paperwork. It hadn’t really sunk in that I was getting paid for this. Another is a discussion that frequently mentioned waiting on a vote until the new members could chime in. Or even the kudos from the other board members for crossing the finish line.

Yesterday I took my oath of office. Reading the email I was expecting a small private thing where I do an LBJ-style swearing in in a secretary’s office, maybe a picture. I just had to sign a thing, in the office because it had to be notarized. I was in and out in five minutes.

We’re going from roughly a 6-1 progressive majority to 7-0. That’s great news for our school, even if my first meeting I get to vote on whether elementary school registration fees are tripled, or doubled with the district subsidizing the balance. Thanks state legislature!

If you go in intending to do the job right, it’s a lot of work. That’s why it’s so important to elect people who intend to do the job right. Because so much of this is optional. It’s entirely possible to skip most of the trainings, to take your seat and either do nothing productive with it, or try to push policy whether or not it’s relevant, appropriate, or even legal. That’s how we get bad leadership, and why participation in this process is the only way anything’s going to get better.

(Feel free to use my Ask box for any political questions, including what the hell Democrats actually do at the local level and why I encourage joining them even with all the baggage attached.)

[androgynousblackbox]

How To Lose A Lucifer In 10 Days. 9 [Appleradio, Radioapple]

Step 9: Work with him

Alastor and Lucifer looked up the sky scrapper. For this outing Alastor once again was without his illusion spell, while Lucifer had been convinced to shapeshift as a imp with white hair brushed back. His comment that literally no one was going to care if the king just walked around in the sidewalk of the Pride ring fell into deaf ears. When Charlie came to support her dad's word, Lucifer already knew he was left without a choice, even if he still thought it was silly.

He was never going to say it out loud, because he imagined the response, but a part of him was starting to suspect the changing his looks when they outside of the hotel was more for the comfort of Alastor than trying to keep any privacy surrounding the king's activities. A rest from having the face of his husband standing right in front of them, fully aware that the devil who wore it wasn't the same. It's not like he haven't noticed that something in Alastor losen up more when he did, only to tense up again the moment he was back to normal. But if the man himself wasn't going to say anything, then much less he was going to do it.

Instead, he checked again on his phone that the coordinates that Vassago wrote for them were correct. They still were.

"Any reaction?" asked to Alastor, who was wearing the stone around his neck.

Charlie had decided she wanted to help Emily with her own research, leaving the two of them for this one mission. Apparently Emily had found a pair of names of sinners that could know about alchemy, which prompted Charlie to want to go with her and then motivated Vaggie to want to join them. Someone had to be sure that between the two princess, they weren't going to be taken advantage of while making some questions.

Alastor flicked the stone on top of his chest. The white stone moved against the fabric of his black shirt without pointing to anywhere.

"Nothing. It must be all the way to the top" Alastor put his hands behind his back and turned to him. "Can I borrow your telephonic device?" asked in a lower voice, as if not wanting anyone else to hear them.

Lucifer stared at him as if that wasn't Alastor anymore.

"You, with a phone?" asked, as if those words were not supposed to mix. "Why? Do you even know how to use one?"

"I want to talk with the queen of Sloth directly" said Alaster, not answering the last question or looking in his direction. "I know she said to have you as intermediary, but I prefer taking my chances with that blasted thing for some actual patient-doctor confidentialty, if you don't mind."

That was an entirely valid point he haven't thought about at all. Of course Alastor wasn't going to want to involve him on everything when he could do it himself. Obviously. He was just the guy who happened to be around with magic similar to the father.

"Now though?" asked.

"It would put my mind at ease if I have to use my magic here" commented Alastor, observing the tall building again. It was one of the closest ones there were to touch the pentagram in the sky. People were constantly getting in and out, wearing business suits or casual clothing since they came out from the food or shopping areas. "I won't take long" added, throwing a glance to Lucifer.

It was after all, a consultation with his own doctor. Of course he couldn't say no.

"Fine" He sighed, opening up the screen to look Bel's number. Alastor approached him more as if trying to memorize the right gestures for the screen. Lucifer really had to bite his tongue in to not make some old boomer joke at that moment, even though Alastor probably deserved it. It was his fault for locking himself out from meeting modern technology. "Is calling now" said Lucifer, reaching out his hand for Alastor to take out. "When you finish the call, press the button on the side for two seconds. It's literally the only button."

"I see" Alastor grabbed the device between two fingers of his hand from the top, as it were a dirty diaper or something equally as desirable.

Lucifer still reminded himself to not laugh when the radio demon nodded, moving away to a safe distance until he could talk without Lucifer or anyone else immediately around him hearing. Lucifer almost expected him to be yelling into the mic, believing it necessary, was almost counting on it, but he had no luck.

Instead of that mild distraction, he had finally a moment to contemplate what they had to do. Grab the bigger portion of the stone in whichever part it was of this massive building, use it to exchange places with the other Lucifer and come back to his usual life. To another Alastor who also didn't want to see him either and a Charlie he didn't know how to talk to most of the time. To another day seeing the same family portraits knowing those times were long gone. Where all his mistakes and regrets could jump to him on every corner to remind him how badly he had messed up and probably was going to keep messing up. Where his best hope for the future was that Charlie was not going to get tired of him any time soon and would still allow him to be near her. Where the only company he would have at night was his phone.

No biggie. Easy as pie. Practically done already. Why even think about it? Why even rationalize all the ways he was surely going to fail and get himself further stuck on a reality where he was merely a guest, one nobody really asked for, while someone else was getting missed? Surely that was a stupid thing to think about. He was a stupid man for thinking that. The most stupid man that has ever existed since creation itself, no doubt about it. Why couldn't he stop thinking about it? Who was this helping? Why bother to come back at all when he was that useless he couldn't stop a single stupid thought? It's not like an actual real baby depended on it or anything!

"Your Majesty" called Alastor, towering over him. Lucifer blinked many times as he came back to. Alastor's brow furrowed as he extended his phone to him, still holding it with two fingers as if he didn't want to be in contact with it more than necessary. "Your device."

Lucifer realized how tense hid fist were only when he had to force to relax again in order to grab it. The small cuts from his claws digging in he willed to heal faster, so not even a drop of blood could be seen.

"Ah, thanks" said, even though he was the one who did the favor. He smiled mechanically, a well oiled machine that never failed him. "Done already then? Did Bel help you out?"

Alastor looked at him a second longer he felt comfortable with before answering.

"Indeed. She taught me a little spell to know how much magic I would need and how much is enough, since I can't see it myself. Also, apparently alcohol is not going to have any negative effect on them unless I hurt myself, which of course won't happen, so that is a relief."

"Were you planning to get drunk?" asked Lucifer and Alastor smiled, amused.

As if he were stupid for making that question. He probably was. That would be the first concern of any adult in hell dealing with their partner gone. On top of that, who was he to judge? Just because he couldn't get drunk as easily, didn't mean other people were not allowed to do it. Idiot.

"Oh, of course not. For what kind of irresponsible father have you took me?" Alastor dismissed the suggestion like a bad smell with his hand. Lucifer saw the irritated rictus on the corners of his mouth. "I was just wondering out of curiosity, since my condition is not entirely physical anyway, that is all."

"Well, if Bel says it won't hurt the baby…" started out Lucifer before his mind trail off and didn't know how to complete the sentence. Luckily there was something else to catch his attention and cover up for his sudden silence. "Hey, that is Angel."

So he was. Alastor lifted his head just as about the spider demon stared at him back, walking up to them. He had only seen the fallen look of Alastor exactly one time, when Niffty insisted on seeing his new "bad boy" look, so it wasn't weird that it took him a while to fully remember it.

"Alastor?" asked, coming up to them and then looked at the imp at his side, narrowing his eyes. "Short king?"

"Yeah, how did you know?" Maybe he too had a gifted sigh like Bel that could just tell that kind of thing.

"Same height and Alastor being here, that is all I need. Not the first time that the king shapeshifted to be outside" Angel popped a lollipop into his mouth and turned to see the huge building. "Are you both going there? Not the kind of place I would have imagined for one of your little dates."

"It's not a date" said Alastor finally, glaring at him with a menacing undertone in his word that had Angel lifting his hands.

"I was just joking, bud. Take it easy."

A growl came out of the smiling face of Alastor and Lucifer cleared his throat, before anyone could say or do something they could regret.

"It's really not" said, putting himself between the two of them. "We are trying to find another one of the wishing stones that Charlie had. I imagine you haven't seen any big dark rock with reality changing properties around here?"

"Nope" Angel looked up for a moment at the building. "I work here and haven't seen anything like that."

"Y-you do?" asked Lucifer, first thinking on any of the shopping sites or the food section. No way he could imagine Angel just working on any of them, especially not with the almost non existent clothing he was wearing.

"Yeah, my sugar daddy is on the top of the top" Angel said with a smirk, as if deeply enjoying pronouncing those words. "He is kinda like a big deal without even being an overlord. He even said he could help me make my own porns soon! I will never stop thanking Charlie for getting me this gig."

"Wasteful" spat Alastor between his teeth.

"Hey, I didn't ask for it either" replied Angel, holding the lollipop to point at him. "If you have a problem, take it up with your own kid, pops."

"Enough" said Lucifer, tired, just when Alastor opened up his mouth to say something else. The radio demon frowned, revealing more teeth. If this was just a fraction of what Charlie had to endure watching him and the other Alastor back at home then no wonder she wished something different. "Angel, do you think you could help us get inside? We don't really know where the stone is either."

"We don't need him. We can just turn invisible and I can send my shadow looking" said Alastor.

"And just walk all of that until our stone reacts to anything?" said Lucifer, making a gesture to the building that wasn't only big but taller than his entire palace. The palace where his own Charlie got lost in more than one ocassion. "We only have one. I don't know, maybe it would be easier to ask the guy out there if he knows about it? If he does I can just convince him of giving it to us."

Alastor groaned deeply. He took out the chain around his neck with the stone and extended to Lucifer, waiting for him to grab it.

"It sounds to me like we have two different ideas of how to approach this. You can take the stone and try your diplomatic method if you want. I will check as much as I can on my own. We can find each other in… two hours sounds good for you?" said, taking a look to his pocket watch.

"Are you sure?" said Lucifer, unintentionally letting his eyes wonder over the abdomen of the fallen before Alastor reclined his front forward, even lower than he actually needed to for them to be at face level.

"Two hours" determined, walking calmly to a column in front of the building.

Only Lucifer realized that he wasn't coming out on the other side and noticed the dark spot quickly moving over the floor until it dissapeared. He felt like a kid abandoned in the supermarket after his whole family already move on. Maybe that was to be expected from a mere acquantance that only tolerated his presence.

"So what is going to be, short king?" said Angel, texting casually on his phone. "I am already late, but luckily for us, he likes it better when I take my time so there is no rush. If you want to follow him, I won't take offense."

Lucifer saw the accesory on his hand and wrapped the chain around his knuckles, to make sure he wouldn't lose it as he felt for any movement from the stone.

"Let's go" he sighed, walking foward as Angel went behind.

"What is the story then?" said Angel, getting a cheeky grin now as if suddenly this could be a fun game for him. "I am telling you right now, if I just say you are a friend of mine he will think I am inviting you for a threesome. If you are willing to go that far, I won't tell a word."

The shadow under Lucifer shook slightly, as if about to lose its shape, but the king only gave Angel a side eye.

"No, thank you" said with a sigh. "Maybe tell him that I am coming from an investor who wants to buy the stone from him?"

"Boring" sang Angel rolling his eyes. "Oooh, how about a investor in one of my porn that wants to make business for that?"

"How is that going to make him show me his stone?"

"I don't know, you are the one doing the sneaky shit, not me" Angel was going up the stairs and walking over to a desk of the security staff, reclining over it to smile at the demon sitting there. "Hey, cutie, how you doing?"

The security guard smiled back.

"Angel" greeted. He only ever noticed Lucifer standing right in front of him a second later, instantly annoyed at the possibility of having to do his job. "Yes, sir?"

"He is coming with me, handsome" helped out Angel. The face of the guard light up when looking at him. Angel clearly already had him wrapped around his finger. "He is a big money guy who wants to talk with the old man for business. A friend of mine so I can vouch for his big, long and deep pockets" listed, licking up his lips. "Can you tell him that, baby?"

Lucifer pretended to be interested on a potted plant nearby, like the whole conversation didn't had anything to do with him.

"Sure, Angel, if you say so" The demon grabbed a telephone on the wall to make his call. Angel winked an eye to Lucifer. Now he really wished he had shapeshifted a suit to make himself look more legit instead of the casual clothing he had on. A perfectly normal imp that could enter into a majority of sites without any issue, but didn't gave the impression of being business dedicated. Too late to worry about that. They probably should have thought about it more in general before just coming inside. "Alright, he says you can come up."

"Thanks, sweetheart" Angel send a kiss to the security as he took out a card from his purse, swipping it on a panel close by to open the door to an elevator. Lucifer slipped in inside and supported his back on the wall. "You good?" asked Angel as he was pressing a button to have the doors closed.

There was no turning back now. This was the plan they were going to go with. If Alastor didn't had any luck finding the stone, it all depended on him. What a reassuring and not at all heavy thought that didn't quicken his heart at all. Nope, not to this king of hell. He had caused sin to happen, no doubt he was going to be able to handle finding just a stupid piece of rock and not ruin anything on the way, right? Right?

"Yeah, perfectly" said Lucifer when he noticed he haven't answer to Angel in a bit. "Sorry, I just zone out."

Angel hummed, crossing his upper arms while the lower ones sat on his waist, tapping casually on his short shorts.

"It must be still quite a shock for you, isn't?" commented, just as the elevator started moving. "The whole being married to a guy you can't stand where you come from" clarified when Lucifer just looked confused. "Me? I would have ran away so I don't have to deal with any of that."

"Kinda not an option here" said Lucifer shrugging. He hold out the stone out, letting it swing from the chain on his hand, but it was a rather to be expected kind of swing. "I can't just leave Charlie, either this one or mine back at home."

"I guess on that sense all Lucifers are the same" Angel pulled out a hand mirror and started retouching his make up. "You a good daddy no matter where you go, aren't you?"

Lucifer realized that Angel probably didn't mean anything with it. Just a little bit of small conversation so they wouldn't be listening the bland music through the speakers only. But somehow the comment stabbed him right on the front and made him thinks of the months, years, he was doing anything else instead of being a good father.

"You know, it is funny" added, swallowing hard. "In my dimension we have this stupid thing with Alastor where he pretend he is a father figure for Charlie. Just because he helps her out with the hotel and stuff, which okay, buddy, that is cute and all, but not really the same. I don't think Charlie takes it seriously either, but it's what he likes to do to get on my nerves. So of course I would land in the one place where he can actually be her father with all rights. On top of being still also Alastor."

"Oh" When Lucifer looked up, Angel seemed to be out of his depth. "I was actually trying to get a segway into joking if you could adopt me."

"Aren't you kinda old for that?" was all Lucifer could say to avoid the embarassment. Even then, he could feel his face warming up.

"Miss Sunshine fallen from Heaven is thousands years older than Alastor and that didn't stopped any of you" Angel closed his pocket mirror. "No offense, king, but I still don't get why that should bother you so much? If some bitch was obviously trying to pretend they got my place I would just feel embarassed for them. If your Charlie is anything like ours, then she is totally a daddy's girl anyway."

"Yeah, she is!" laughed Lucifer. "Absolutely! That is why he is so annoying. Because he doesn't realize what a waste of time it is trying to pretend she has another father when she has me" added, laughing more, louder, because that was obviously the case and it wasn't Alastor poking him on the one and only place where he could reach, the one area he felt ashamed about the most.

The whole falling and condeming humanity had happened long enough that he had just accepted his part on it. It wasn't something he was proud about on itself, but it was the blistering wound that still made him flinch when thinking about it. A considerable scar had already formed on top of it. But Charlie and the realization of how out of touch he was with her life were quite new and it didn't take long to have them bleed again.

Case in point, the expression of Angel that said he didn't believe a single word he said and who did he thought he was kidding. A question that Lucifer most of all did not want to ponder about when he could barely kid himself.

"Whatever you say, king" said finally Angel with a shrug. The spider demon turned his head and chuckled to himself. "It's kinda funny, I guess. On this universe the king and Al also fight a lot."

"T-they do?" asked Lucifer, surprised.

"Yeah, all the time. Although to them it looks more typical old married couple bickering, but it's still there. Like on the whole doing two parties for Charlie with two different cakes" Lucifer blinked, confused. He knew that the Charlie with antlers had a good party thanks to her parents, but nobody had explained to him how exactly. "Oh, you didn't know? It's a whole thing apparently. They each decorate their own side and stuff however they like and then compete to see which one is more succesful. Charlie said that they used to fight a lot about that before finding that solution. I think that is stupid, but, you know, it's two cakes for one party so who I am to complain?"

With how willing this Alastor was to sing the praises of his own Lucifer, especially compared to him, Lucifer had just assumed those two lived in a perpetual honeymoon where somehow they were always on the same page and were completely removed from anything to do with what he had back on his world.

It was almost embarassing how relieved he felt at finding out it wasn't the case. There were traces of each other still present. Maybe the real difference after all was these two had plenty of time to learn to adapt to the bump, when all they could do on his world was keep crashing with them. Time does heal all or so they say.

"Oh, I had no idea" commented, twisting the chain on his hand. The stone still had nothing to tell him.

Angel snorted.

"Of course not. Good old Al fucking hates your guts" Angel rolled around the lollipop in his mouth as a smile spread on his face. "Before you came around he was the first one to complain about hubby, but the moment you walk nearby suddenly our Lucifer hasn't done a single thing wrong in his life. It's hilarious actually."

"Ah" That made way too much sense.

"It kinda sucks for Charlie, though" commented Angel. "It can't be pretty to have your folks get along and one day they just don't. Plus the whole interdimensional bullshit, that is."

Lucifer didn't know how to respond to that. He didn't have to before the elevator stopped and the doors opened up to a luxurious space.

"Come on, king. Let's go to daddy" Angel pulled up his crop top and fluffled up his chest even more before coming out, Lucifer from behind and his shadow a second later than it should.

Just talk to the guy about the stone. Convince him to give it. Recieve. Null the wish, go back home. A nice, easy to follow plan. Fool proof and all. On the absolute worst case escenario, steal it and just from a window to portal home, hoping that Alastor would know to come back on his own.

Wait, no. First steal it, then look Alastor's magic and portal him away. Unless he could convince the guy to give it on his own. Then turn invisible to find Alastor and portal him away. Or should he make the wish first? But then how his Lucifer was going to know what to do if he came back? No, better to wish it on the hotel, far away from them and hope it didn't affect Angel's job so nobody would have to wish anything for anyone again.

Yes, a perfect plan. Not complicated at all. The tightness on his throat was just the nerves for the future success. His palms were sweaty because it was a especially hot day in hell.

By the time they reached the big office on the far end of a corridor, a lizard demon was talking on the phone against the all window wall that revealed the whole from above. Only the V tower was the building able to reach a similar weight from that angle.

"Just do what you have to do, don't bother me" was the last words they could heard before the man put the phone down and smiled, full row of golden teeth on display. "Angel, baby, there you are! An hour after I was expecting you, but thanks for coming along anyway."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever" said Angel, dragging his words more than he usually did as he casually walked to a lounging couch and laid there. His face masquered such contempt for the lizard guy he seemed one step from spit on his face. Something that would probably be received positively anyway. "I had better things to do than to see your ugly ass face. My friend over there for example."

"Oh?" The lizard only then noticed Lucifer standing at the door. "Yeah, I think they did mentioned that. You wanted to talk about business?"

Lucifer swallowed and inhaled deeply. It was time to give a convincing performance. The moment he stepped inside, his shadow shook for a moment before returning to normal. Less darker and bigger than before.

"Absolutely, sir" said, reading quickly the plaque on top of the desk before reaching out his hand to shake the scaly one. Normakov, better not forget it. "I come from part of a very afluent man who wishes to purchase something our data shows you were in possesion of."

"And what man that would be?"

"The king" said Lucifer, keeping up his smile. "He is not unable at the moment, but you can call to the princess of hell and she will confirm for you I work for her father."

"He is legit, daddy" said Angel from his couch, barely lifting his eyes from the screen. "Don't make him waste too much time. That is so annoying. I won't have time to play with you and put you in your place if you do."

When the lizard smiled indulgently, Lucifer let out a small sigh of relief.

"No problem, sweetie. If my Angel says that, I have no reason to doubt him. Why don't you take a seat, sir…?"

"Oh, my name is irrelevant" said Lucifer, sitting on the chair offered. "But you can call me De Ville if anything. You see, my client is a history fanatic. When you are so old and lived for so long, the nostalgia is hard to avoid, you know? Which is the reason why he is interested on…"

The phone of the lizard man started to vibrate again against the table. Normakov made a wait a moment gesture with his hand and took the call.

"Yes, perfect. Send them in then" said, hanging out but then turning to Angel. "Someone is messing with the cameras on the lowers floors. A bunch of them have been fried and lose signal. Have you seen anything weird on your way up, sweet cheeks?"

"Nothing at all" said Angel, throwing a glance to Lucifer so they both knew what they were thinking. Alastor trying to not get detected. "Can't be a short circut or something? There is so much energy being used on this place everyday that I wouldn't be surprised."

"Yeah, that happens even in the palace too sometimes" aported Lucifer. "Too many electronics working at once? You can't trust those to work perfectly all the time."

"No, that is not it. We installed those new models just yesterday and they were working perfectly. Besides now they will send their own guards from Voxtech the moment one malfunction. It would be a waste of their own resources if they don't make it work for at least a while" Normakov sat on his chair, the wrinckles on his face expanding. "So, what is that the king is interested on buying?"

"Excuse me, sir" said Lucifer, struggling to get his mind in track again. "Are they sending guards just for cameras? That is a bit excessive, isn't?"

"Well, maybe, but that is what we paid for! The full protection package! It costed a good penny, but if we can avoid any bastard trying to get in and cause trouble then that is good enough for me. They have full permission to be lethal if they want, even if it's one of our own employees. I can't be wasting time on some idiot that is going to be ruining the equipment of the building anyway. If they die I don't have to fire them at least" laughed the man and Lucifer joined a second too late, squeezing the rim of his shirt so strong that he end up tearing it and then forced his finger to grab his thigh, feeling his claws about to punctuare. Normakov was admiring Angel too much to fully notice.

"That is so true!" said Lucifer, laughing hysterically as he looked at Angel to do anything, anything at all. His heart was beating so quick that he had to see it through his ribcage, about to burst. "You can't be wasting all that money like that!"

Angel didn't turn to see him at all. He missed his pleading look and with all, he stood up from the couch to go sit on the lap of the business man.

"Oh, daddy! I can't wait any longer! I have been so bored and someone has to take some responsability!" sighed dramatically, putting on the tie of the man to kiss him deeply as his upper arms hold him in place.

The lower arms made quick gestures for Lucifer to move on already. Lucifer sighed grateful and looked down for a second. That stone was as unresponsive as ever, there was nothing there for him. While Angel moaned loudly against the mouth of his boss, Lucifer ran away the office and hide himself on the first bathroom he could find.

It was just as full of luxury as anything else on that place, but he couldn't care less. With his eyes turned into pure red, he looked over as much as he could for the exact magic that only Alastor had. It was at first overwhelming with the amount of people who worked in the building, janitors cleaning, people wasting away in front of computers, secretaries, people making calls. After a while he realized he couldn't concentrate like that. Too many distractions and wasn't any closer to find him. How many fucking floors did a building like that needed in the first place? And why all of them have to be so fucking big?

Lucifer hold the stone against his chest, trying to control the dizzines that was making it even harder to search for him. He took at least a couple of deep breaths before he decided to just look floor for floor. That was the best choice. Opening portal, keep invisible, find Alastor, maybe retrait, try again other time, not get him get killed because Charlie was going to kill him, and his other version too if he had the chance and he was never going to be able to live with himself if anything happened to that baby.

With his legs shaking, Lucifer applied the invisible spell and started descending. From the bottom to the top above the shopping floors, where the cameras started malfunctioning. The first three were clean of green magic. On the fifth he always crashed into one of the security guards with the logos of Voxtech on their jackets.

They had already shot the technician of the company that reached for the cameras. Lucifer nearly avoided the employees that were getting rid of the body. It was a bird demon with red feathers on the top of their head, sticking out almost as if they were ears. Red eyes stared at the ceiling as the wound shot on his forehead was still bleeding.

That was what did it. Lucifer ran without caring the people he had to make to a side, left wondering what happened or blaming whoever was the closest that they could see. He wanted a bathroom. Instead he found an abandoned office and managed to find a trash can before his stomach gave out. He grabbed to it a moment longer and put it aside, hugging to his knees.

The image of those red empty eyes were not leaving his vision no matter how strong he pressed his hand against his eyelids. He could no longer control his breathing. All he could hear was the beating of his heart. He hold the stone against his chest as if that somehow was going to help, but it didn't. A failure like everything else he ever attempted to do.

It was to be expected, then, that he didn't hear the door opening to a normal employee of the company. The lights turn on and Lucifer looked up without barely moving.

"What the hell are you doing?" was all the demon could ask before Lulcifer saw himself wrapped in pure darkness.

On the first second he didn't even mind. The darkness was silent and light as air. But the calm lasted as long his next breath and he was on a janitor's closet, holding to the first thing of color he could see. A grey shirt.

"Your Majesty" a grey demon, no, Alastor, spoke to him on a voice softer than he ever expected before. "Follow my lead, sir. Breath in, breath out. Slowly, there is no rush here."

Lucifer saw the chest of the demon in front rising up and then deflating and then he tried to imitate with his own, retaining the air and letting it go after.

"Good" said Alastor, who hasn't moved at all except for breathing. "Keep going, your Highness. Breath in, breath out."

Slowly, somehow, his heart started to normalize and he sighed, his body slumped on the floor as Alastor patiently waited for him to uncling his claws off his clothing. That couldn't be a comfortable position, thought Lucifer vaguely before he could finally make his hands relax enough to open them up.

At no point he had ever dared to look up to the demon and now he wasn't going to do it either. The Alastor he knew was about to have the biggest laugh of his afterlife to find out another weakness of the king of hell, another reason to mark him as the pathetic and weak fool that he always was. Lucifer couldn't even find it on him to be upset about it, just brazing himself for the blow to whatever was left of his dignity.

Alastor sat on the floor, knees up and legs together. There was no much space for more with how tall he was.

"Do you feel better now?"

Lucifer blinked like he somehow he had heard wrong and stared at him. The smile was there, alright, that was a given, but why wasn't he laughing? Where was the mockery and contempt?

"You seem okay at least" Alastor sighed and his actual green eyes looked the crampled space, as if annoyed with it, even though he was the one who brought them. "I assume the diplomatic way didn't work?"

"Uh…" Lucifer passed a hand over his face and pulled his hair back. "I don't… I don't understand."

"What?" Alastor asked, turning to him. Something on his sincere confusion made him chuckle. "You think you are the first king I see having a panic attack, your Majesty? My darling king sometimes worries a bit too much about things and what is his consort to do, but to know to calm him down? We can't have any advances if I have you incapacitated on the floor, can I?"

"He too…?" asked Lucifer.

For some reason it made more sense for him to think the Lucifer of this world had been saved from those moments, gaining the rare gift of not being attacked by his own mind and body. More than anything, because he would have never imagined that Alastor was going to have any kind of useful reaction to them. The Alastor he knew would make it so much worse just for fun, just because he could.

"Well, no all the time, obviously" said Alastor, as if that needed clarifying. "Mostly in moment of great stress. Before an extermination or when fearing that Heaven could do something that could hurt our daughter" Alastor looked down for a moment, tilting his head. "I guess I never considered you could be as much of a mess as my husband in this situation too."

"Gee, thanks" Lucifer sighed, sitting cross legged.

"You are welcome" Alastor chuckled again, a light and judgement free sound, that Lucifer couldn't help but to join in.

"Hey, what else…" Lucifer swallowed down, doubting if he should continue, but he really wanted to know "What else do you usually do to calm him down?"

"He likes it when I hug him" Alastor said it like it was no big deal, and for him it most likely wasn't, but Lucifer couldn't get that thought of his mind. A hug sounded nice for him too, although maybe that was beyond what Alastor would be comfortable with. "At the start, it made no sense to me that the most powerful being of hell can lose his calm like that. Then I realized that other men would have broken under the pressure he's under millennia ago. His cracks are just a testament of how much he has endured and how further he can go. My king just needs a little bit of support somtimes and he will stand on his own in no time. I don't mind being that support."

Alastor examined his pocket watch, letting the silence to be the only thing between them as Lucifer processed those words. The fact that they were coming from him or how comforting they actually were, both of them equally unexpected.

"Oh shit" said, surprised with himself that it took him this long to realize. "You actually do love him, do you?"

A sound of static cracked inside of the demon as he stared at him, taken aback.

"Beg your pardon?" asked, crinkling his eyes. "Was that ever a question here?"

"Kinda" confessed Lucifer, shrinking a little. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like an insult. I guess I just didn't thought about it."

"What is there to think about?" Alastor shrugged. He made a vague gesture to their surroundings, the crampled janitor's closet they landed on. "Why did you think I was doing all of this for?"

That was a good question that Lucifer had no idea what to say to. He could try again with his past theories. Money, power, influence, authority. But they all sounded just childish and ridiculous now.

"I don't know" admitted finally, letting his shoulders fall. "Sorry."

Alastor sighed, but at least it wasn't the annoyed and frustrated kind he was used to coming from him. Just a resigned one as he rubbed his temple.

"Tell me when you are able to continue searching" said the radio demon, relying his back against the shelf full of cleaning supplies.

"I was… worried about you" commented Lucifer, without looking at him. "We shouldn't have separated."

"Your Majesty…" started Alastor and then seemed to think it better for a moment. "Maybe you're right. This place is even more complicated that I imagined. There are even secret rooms and passages behind the walls."

Not in a million years he would have imagined hearing those words coming from him.

"I am right" insisted Lucifer, frowning at him. "I know you hate me, but we really need to do this together. I want to get that thing as much as you do."

"Unlikely" replied Alastor, tilting his chin. He narrowed his eyes before continueing. "Just so you know, I don't… hate you. I almost want to, but I don't."

"You want to hate me?" Lucifer snorted a little bit. Now who was being childish.

"Didn't you?" Alastor stared at him with a half hearted snear. "From the very first time you saw me, you only wanted to see me one way because of your own Alastor."

Lucifer rised up a finger to protest. Then turned it down. Damn it.

"Fine" conceded with a pout. "I was wrong about that then. You are really not like him, I guess."

"Or you just don't know him as much as you think" Alastor rolled his eyes and shook his head slighty. "But who knows, really? I am just the Alastor of this side."

It wasn't the first time that Alastor suggested that. It was the first time that Lucifer actually considered it. Not that Alastor back at home ever bothered to show him anything more than his more annoying, petty side whenever possible or was ever going to do it. Maybe there was something else to the radio demon that he was just not meant to know at all.

"Whatever" said, because he had no idea where he wanted to go with that line of thought anyway. His head hurt. "I think I am better now."

"Are you sure?"

Lucifer nodded. He hide a little smile to think he was used to ask that to his Lucifer. Alastor stand up first and stretched his arms up, while Lucifer pushed himself up.

"This floor is clean" commented Alastor. "The next three ones as well. After that we can continue."

"Yeah, okay, we could do that or…" started Lucifer. Alastor blinked at him before the prediction came to him and groaned in advance. "Come on, let's try it at least!"

"I thought you did already and didn't work."

"Because I heard about guards with permission to use lethal force and I had to find you before I could actually do any progress" insisted Lucifer. "All because you messed with their cameras by the way!"

"Is that why they were there?" Alastor's brow furrowed. "I see. Vox is finally catching up."

"The TV guy? What does he have to do with anything?"

"Nothing. Just another issue I will have to deal with later" Alastor made a dismissive handwave and sighed. "Alright. I suppose it can't hurt to try. There is only so many secret love making rooms a man can see before he rather not."

Lucifer snorted at that. The thought of Alastor constantly ending up on those spaces in search of something else was so funny he had to laugh harder, positively wheezing. Alastor scoffed, but let him have that moment.

"Some were in use" added Alastor, just when Lucifer was about to calm down. Effectively creating another fit of giggles. The radio demon smirked, seemingly enjoying making him lose his composure. "It's a true miracle I haven't gauged my eyes out."

"How the fuck have you survived hell until now?" questioned Lucifer when he could barely gather enough air for it.

"The true question is how hell has survived me" said Alastor with a firm nod, pretending it was a serious matter. "And the answer is, with enough food and music."

"I will take your word for it, buddy" Lucifer whipped the tears out of his eyes. The only times he had laughed since the whole mixed up happened have been talking to Alastor. What a weird little thought to have. He opened up a portal to the luxurious bathroom near the office, but didn't cross it immediately. "Hey" said at Alastor. An awkward moment of hestitation later, he managed: "Thanks. For the whole. Thing."

Alastor nodded. His smile didn't get bigger or sharper, but his eyes maybe got a bit more open or at least that is what Lucifer would like to believe. He didn't want to hate this Alastor and didn't want this Alastor to hate him.

"After yourself, your Majesty."

--

"Which is why I believe we can make a more than generous offer is necessary" finished Lucifer, sitting on the seat. His shadow now was darker than it should be and he knew the reason why. Alastor was just waiting for a chance to grab the stone so they could finally get out of there.

Lucifer was really surprised that the radio demon had actually decided to stay with him after all. When they came to the office and it was pretty obvious that Angel was doing his job under the desk, he wouldn't have blame him if he had stayed outside the office.

"That sounds neat, daddy" sounded the voice of Angel, only some strands of his pink hair visible against the vest of the man. "You should take it. A business deal with the king can only be a good thing, huh?"

"Y-yeah, that sounds about right" Normakov patted his head. For as much Lucifer would have chosen to not have this conversation, or any other, like this, he had to appreciate that at least it was making this old man very agreeable. He would have to thank Angel for that when he had the opportunity. "Very well, if you say so, sweetheart. You will have to wait a little bit for it, mister De Ville" Lucifer saw a glimpse of the shadow under his chair shaking and he just knew Alastor was going to make a comment about the name later. "That stone cost me, well, three entire bodies to be honest, not just an eye. I have to call for it to be brought up from my vault."

"Of course, I understand" smiled Lucifer, dropping the stone of Charlie on the floor without making a sound. It was quickly consumed by the shadows. "I don't have any rush. If it's the real deal then I promise that my client will be able to compensate you those three bodies and maybe a whole dozen more. He is very enthusiastic about starting this collection. They were made using the soil where he first fell, did you know?" commented.

"Yeah? Huh, I guess that makes sense" Normakov pressed a button on his phone. Whoever was on the other side of the line didn't seem to mind the slight grunting and sighs of their boss as he asked for that stone. "And do it pronto, alright? I might have a good deal for it."

"The greatest deal in all of hell, dear sir!" added Lucifer.

After the call was done, Alastor moved out of the way to go catch that thing while Lucifer stayed to make conversation with the man. Be it because it was part of Angel's conditions or Angel just wanted to torture him, Normakov never got his happy ending during all that time. Lucifer was starting to think maybe Alastor had a point after all.

Ten minutes later an alarm went off somewhere close them, extending to the office.

"What the fuck?" Normakov pulled his chair back, quickly fixing his belt and pants.

"What alarm is that, daddy? There is a fire?" asked Angel.

Before the man could respond, one of the secretaries came running.

"There is a demon let loose near the vault, sir! It has taken out already three of our guards!"

"Send the Voxtech ones then!" insisted Normakov, as if it should be obvious.

"They said that is above they paygrade, sir."

As the lizard man grumbled to himself, Lucifer stand up.

"I need to go pee again!" announced to the need of no one and ran outside.

People were either running to get away the building or complaining about how someone should turn off that alarm already. He went inside of the bathroom and blinked, looking for Alastor's energy. The energy was crickling and soaring just five floors below. When he open up a portal there, he knew instantly what happened.

"Oh" said, seeing the splatters of blood everywhere before he heard the munching sound. "Alastor" called, not really wanting to cross the corner to the open vault, but knowing there was no choice.

Alastor, eating from the open stomach of a guard, cracked his neck to look at him with a infinite smile of sharp teeths.

"It's useless" said. The static was so strong it was almost burying his words, but not entirely. The anger behind then was still there, just as naked as the ribs of the guy he was eating from. One of his long arms grabbed a crystal box from a corner and shattered it against the wall. From it a white rock fell through, aproximately the size of an adult fist. "This one was the one who did it" Alastor now lifted out a half consumed head from the ground and smashed it, destroying it until it was a splat under his fingers. "The idiot was holding it when he made his wish. Do you know what he wished for, your Majesty? What was so important for this lousy creature to use it?"

"What?" asked Lucifer, knowing that anything he could have asked for, anything at all, was always going to leave Alastor like that.

"A sandwich" said Alastor and started laughing, the sound distorted and broken. The laugh track behind him sounded cursed, like the people in the audience were both crying in pain too. "He was hungry, sir. And that made me hungry too."

"I am sorry" Lucifer didn't know what else to say.

"It was pickles with cheese, your Majesty. They deserve to die a thousands times because of that. I will keep their voices repeating their torment for all eternity. If they had any family I will kill them too and tell them it was all because of a sandwich of pickles with cheese."

"Alright" Lucifer sighed, looking around and counting maybe five bodies in total. It was hard to tell, as desmembered as they were. Many already missing chunks with bite marks. Almost every portion of the place had been painted in red. "Listen, I… there is going to be other chances, okay? This was just the first one. We have a bunch of other options to go through. I am sure the next one will go better."

"Sir" said Alastor.

"Yes?" Lucifer was already imagining what was coming and he was entirely right.

"I am still hungry. Would you mind leaving this floor while I take my lunch? I won't use my magic. I won't need to."

"Sure. Yeah" said Lucifer, scratching the back of his neck. Maybe the whole eating now for two was making it worse for Alastor or he was just that pissed. Either way, he didn't really felt with any leg to stand and judge. He was frustrated too, fuck it. "I will make it so the Voxtech guards don't reach you, okay? Just… come find me when you are done."

Alastor stared at him for a moment. Maybe surprised that he just accept it so easily, Then he silently nodded as he opened up his mouth, unhinged his own jaw, and lifted the body he was already eating from to chump down the entire head.

--- If you liked my work, consider supporting me through kofi!

[raybyanothername]

The Dornish War AU

So... @arraxapologist gave me an excuse to ramble and @idontevenknowhowtolife said I can have a chapter update if I write this up.

I may not get around to actually writing this AU, but I have a lot planned. The Polycule of Power would probably feature to some degree or another if I did it properly, but my notes are all on the canon ships (at least for the older gen, Aegon ends that trend real quick).

It would start, as so many good AUs do, with someone trying to kill Viserys. ^^'

At Rhaenyra and Laenor's wedding tourney, the festivities get interrupted by an attempted assassination of the king. So yay! Joffrey lives! ...for now. Bing, bang, boom, rushed nuptials done, we move to the war bit.

They track the attempt back to Dorne, which is a bit salty about the Stepstones even though they were not * directly* involved in the conflict. Various threats are levied. Political drama. Etc!

War declared!

Now, Lyonel Strong is Hand at this point and Otto is off in Oldtown advising his nephew who just became Lord Hightower. That may relate directly to the breakdown in diplomatic relations... 😏

Essentially, Otto is in charge of the Hightower forces at this point. He and his older sons are literally the ones on the front lines in that region. He and Boremund Baratheon, who is still alive at this point, are coordinating all the ground forces. Borros gets to live his best life smashing heads a la his descendent Robert.

Meanwhile, Corlys is using his foothold in the Stepstones to establish a blockade of Dorne. A rather major escalation that pisses the Martells off Whether they were involved in the assassination is very much up in the air, but they're gonna act like they're innocent regardless cause they're not idiots.

Rhaenyra is playing her best Visenya and arguing that they either need to conquer Dorne once and for all, or let the matter go. Alicent is lowkey telling Viserys the same thing, but with more emotion cause she just found out she's pregnant again (Yay Aemond!). She and Rhaenyra are in a very rocky truce situation here. Very stand-offish, but accidentally united.

The accidentally is very important because while Alicent is fretting about her children being in danger, Rhaenyra is leveraging the fact that her father has other heirs now to convince him to send her and Laenor to the front.

"I'm to be their queen. Their protector. If I cannot protect my own family, I don't deserve the crown."

Somewhere, Daemon's spidey sense is going off the moment Laenor hands Rhaenyra a sword. Viserys sees her training with her husband and agrees, giving her final say over all troop movements on the front lines. Rhaenys goes to Storm's End. Daemon to Oldtown. Laenor to Hightower. The idea is that Rhaenyra would go back and forth between the three, checking in with ground forces and coordinating with the Lords of each.

Are any of them actually in those castles? Eh. Sometimes. The dragonriders are supporting the armies, scouting far and wide, burning the border, etc. Rhaenyra probably spends as much time coordinating with Ormund Hightower as she does keeping Otto and Daemon from killing each other.

This is the era in which Otto realizes Rhaenyra could actually be a fantastic queen. With some help... of course. He's still Otto after all. XD

During one of the battles (probably the future location of Summerhall, because I can), Joffrey is killed. Rhaenyra spends the night comforting Laenor. Things happen... and now she's flying back and forth across the frontlines while pregnant.

Alicent goes into labor when she hears about that... cause Aemond is born early in every universe.

The war continues. Rhaenyra burns the fuck out of Yronwood before she ends up giving birth in one of the camps. Syrax's roars are terrifying both sides. Especially because they are joined by another dragon...

😎 Laena and Vhagar were not about to sit out a chance to conquer Dorne okay? She was flying with the Velaryon fleet mostly, very effective deterent Vhagar. With Rhaenyra giving birth, she flies across the Sea of Dorne to lend her support.

Yronwood is having an exceptionally bad few days there. Something, something, Laena and Daemon hit it off while waring and whoring. She drops some hints about her betrothal... Daemon dones his murder hoodie. Sealord's son is out of the picture. Rhaenys and Laenor have a shovel talk with Daemon while Rhaenyra presents Lord Corlys with his first grandson.

Lord Boremund totally cackles about the boy looking more like Jocelyn and Rhaenys than Laenor or Corlys. Otto says something about Jacaerys looking more like his mother.

"The Arryns will surely be overjoyed to see their blood so prominent in the young prince's features."

The Dornish are wiley though. (I love this about them) They're not making this war easy, even with the dragons. After all, the OG Conquerors had dragons too, and they couldn't make the Dornish submit. The commanders fight more without Rhaenyra there to keep them united (*cough* Daemon and Otto *cough*) so she has to leave Jacaerys with Alicent (who is now pregnant again... Rhaenyra is definitely side eyeing her father on that one).

If the Dornish thought Rhaenyra was bad before... she's got a very adorable baby she wants to get back to now. It's full court press. The dragons are relentless. Vhagar is having the time of her life.

Eventually, an offer comes from the Prince of Dorne to have his eldest daughter marry Jacaerys as a means to end the war. Given the girl is the man's heir and Jacaerys is hers... Rhaenyra is not so keen to have the girl lose out on her inheritance. She negotiates for Aegon instead, with the girl being fostered in King's Landing until their wedding.

The night the peace treaty is signed, Lucerys is conceived. He'll end up betrothed to a granddaughter of the Lord of Yronwood before his first birthday, to cement the treaty. (Aegon and Luke are the Daenaerys and Daeron II in this AU... for reasons).

Rhaenyra returns to King's Landing and conspires with Alicent for Jace and Helaena to be betrothed eventually. Daeron still fosters as Oldtown, but he ends up betrothed to a Manderly girl. When Joffrey comes along (the result of a night Laenor blames on Qarl and Rhaenyra blames Harwin for) he goes to the Vale, because Lady Arryn needs an heir... and he is Aemma's grandson...

Something, something Baela and Aemond are utter terrors together. No one is shocked when they run off to Essos together. Except Daemon... Daemon is surprised. Daemon is not happy. Corlys and Otto are laughing at him together over a bottle of Velaryon whiskey in High Tide.

That leads to Rhaena marrying Lyonel.

The Starks have 100% noticed that the Targaryens are marrying into the most influential families and are keeping their heads down cause Cregan is a young lord. His uncle would like to remain his regent. Jace and Cregan will join their houses later though so its fine.

On the other hand... the Lannisters are frothing at the mouth about being left out. Well... Rhaenyra is still salty about *someone* implying Aegon should be heir. So when she finally has a daughter, right before her coronation at that, she ain't looking at Casterly Rock.

Her Visenya obviously deserves to be forever doted upon and surrounded by beauty, so she ends up the next Lady of Highgarden.

I've gotten distracted from the plot here a bit... but whatever. The Dance is avoided. Rhaenyra ends up queen and Aegon is living his best life getting drunk off Dornish wine with his Dornish wife. Sunfyre blends in perfectly with the desert sand when he naps in the summer.

All is well.

Jaehaera is Jacaerys' heir, because I said so.

Good night! XD

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #29

A very weird thing happened today. It looks like, in an effort to make me feel small, worthless, and stupid, some random person on the internet decided to make a mock summary of one of the letters I wrote to you. Behold the nonsense:

Clearly, this person did not actually read what I had written, because the point of the letter that I found this comment in was to model things like "allowing oneself to rest", "strategies for emotional control even when you're tired and full of despair", and "remembering that there is still goodness in this world and people in it who can love you". I don't think I've ever indicated in any of the letters that I've written that I wish for any type of committed romantic or sexual relationship with you at any point, ever.

But, let me, for the sake of integrity, write the following so as to make my intentions perfectly clear: no, I do not want any kind of romantic or sexual relationship with you. There are numerous reasons for this:

First, you are a fictional character in a fictional world. This, by itself, presents a wide variety of insurmountable logistical issues that would make marriage impossible. When you add in our relative ability levels (you are a well-trained superhuman combat veteran, whereas I am a weak, noodley derpasaurus rex in a human suit, with all the grace and coordination of a drunken baboon), the resulting power dynamic would be problematic at best.

Second: it has been indicated on multiple occasions that you have zero interest in romance or sex; for all intents and purposes, you have been defined as aromantic and asexual; why, then, would I ever even entertain the thought of marrying you, knowing that such a thing would be in direct violation of your wishes and needs?

Third: even if the first two points were moot, the fact still remains that you lack many of the necessary skills for the maintenance of a healthy romantic or sexual relationship, and that does not work for me. A healthy relationship requires all involved parties to be attuned with their own emotions, able to responsibly tend to their basic needs (food, water, sleep, at very least), able to assertively communicate their wants and needs, and able to prioritize their wellbeing in a general sense, at very minimum. The version of you that I've seen in the media provided to us does none of those things. Rather:

Instead of dealing with your emotions honestly and constructively, you isolate yourself (in the Shinra Data Room, or in the Shinra Manor Library) until you've stuffed them down far enough that you can maybe sort of almost convince yourself that you can kind-of-sort-of function (this is NOT the "winning coping skill" that so many people in my world seem to think it is!!). Given what happened at Nibelheim, I think we can both agree that it is a serious understatement to say that you habitually deny your emotions both to others and to yourself, only to have the resulting exhaustion and resentment come out in destructive ways later.

You prioritize others even at the expense of yourself, as seen when you took watch on the first night at Nibelheim, despite your exhaustion. You do not tend your own bodily needs reliably; even before your weeklong bout of hyperfocus in that damnable library (in which you did not eat, sleep, or hydrate at all, if accounts that you never left the room are to be believed), it was indicated that you had been losing weight from not eating properly shortly after Genesis and Angeal deserted.

You do not communicate your wants and needs with assertiveness or integrity; clearly you were struggling with the death of Angeal and all the nasty things that Genesis said to you, but you did not once ask for any kind of help from Zack, despite the fact that he had demonstrated himself time and time again to be safe, supportive, and reliable. You are still human despite the modifications made to you, but you are still far too hard on yourself and you don't allow yourself to make any mistakes. Did you even let yourself take time off after Angeal's death? Given the way you treat yourself, I gotta wonder.

To be sure, the old version of me used to struggle mightily with all of these. I still sometimes do; codependent tendencies borne from trauma and used as survival techniques are a bitch to root out of a person's psyche. But I'm putting in the work every single day to learn new skills and to manage these things, because the people who love me are counting on me to be safe to myself and to them. As far as I know, you have not put any work into this yet, and I don't foresee that you will be able to work on these things until much later in your journey, after some modicum of peace in your world is achieved.

And I am a demiromantic and demisexual. Things like fame, status, income, titles, accolades, physical appearance, fitness, intelligence, and all the other arbitrary bullshit that people judge each other for, day in and day out… none of that matters one bit to me. I look at a person's innermost nature. I am piqued by kindness and gentleness of character, but these alone still won't do it for me. If I move forward with any type of committed lifepartnership with anyone, I and the other person have to know each other well and have a strong emotional bond, I have to be able to trust them without question or hesitation, and I have to feel safe with them at all times. It's a high bar (I've been through A LOT, so I'm not ashamed, and I expect myself to meet these same conditions), but these requirements are non-negotiable for anyone - not even you.

You do have an abundance of kindness and gentleness, and I know a lot about you and the things you've done, but I do not know you. Given your track record, I would not be able to trust that you are being honest and assertive with me about your thoughts, emotions, wishes, and needs. And given your lack of self-attunement when it comes to your needs and emotions, the fact that you prioritize your self-care behind literally anything else, and the fact that you clearly struggle to control yourself when you are having big feelings, I would not at all feel safe with you in a lifepartnership type of context.

I love you to death. Truly, I could eat you right up. I love when you smile and laugh. I'd give you as many (or as few) hugs as you want. I'd hold your hand while walking, if you wished. I'll offer you as many kind and encouraging words as I have. I'd like to bring you to nifty places and feed you tasty things and show you all the stories I love and teach you all the things I've learned while living. I'd like to hear you sing something, or watch you play a video game, or watch you do anything that you love to do. But none of this translates to sexual or romantic feelings for you, in any way, shape, or form; everything I've described is just normal friend things; these are all things that I do fairly regularly with all of the people in my social group.

And it saddens me to think that this person who tried (and failed) to make me feel small might have read all the kind and encouraging things that I wrote to you while believing that saying kind and encouraging things is something that should be done only with a potential marriage candidate; what a very narrow definition of care that this person must have to live with. It also saddens me to think that this person's first instinct at seeing someone write about something close to their heart is to mock it; I wonder from where this person has received similar treatment in the past for expressing positive things about something they love. I truly hope everything is okay at home for them. I'll wish for peace, healing, safety, and joy upon them.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how people treat me. I'm still going to choose kindness no matter what nonsense gets thrown at me. I'm still going to write to you. I'm still going to model healthy(ish?) ways of coping with one's darker emotions. I'm still going to model what it means to change internal narratives and beliefs. I'm still going to model taking proper care of oneself, even when one doesn't feel like it. I'm still going to write about reframing events in my life into something positive when I can, and working through the negative emotions with help when I cannot. I'm still going to write about my journey towards becoming a healed person even after the absolute shitshow that was my childhood. And I'm still going to make beautiful things and do beautiful things and speak and write and act upon beautiful things in your name. I cannot be stopped. The light and beauty that pours from my soul is an inevitability, just like it is with every other human who lives in my world.

If they want to get me to shut up about it, they're going to have to kill me, and if they're that desperate to get me to shut up that they'd make an attempt, in the end they'd still be doing me a goddamn favor (I never asked to live through horror on a dying planet in a defective meat-suit; what the fuck even is this?), so the joke's on them either way.

I am fucking unbreakable. And that's thanks to you. And it's thanks to all the other people in my world who love me, too. There are lots of things in this world that conspire to give me unimaginable courage and amazing capacity to express love at other people, and I'm sure as hell not going to squander any opportunity I have to make the best use I can of these gifts I've been given.

May you stop for a moment to consider all of the things that make you unbreakable, all of the curses that befell you, all of the love you've been given, all the amazing things you can do, and all of the people who will have your back along the way if you'll let them. May these things inspire sufficient courage within you to make loving and wholesome choices, even when making such choices might cause you to get hurt.

As long as there is breath left in my body, I will continue write to you. It's a promise. Count on it.

Your friend, Lumine

[usafphantom2]

How I Missed the D*mn War – Part 1

Monday, August 5th, 1990, my buddies phone rang and it’s his Aircraft Commander (AC) telling him he is now in crew rest, to pack a bag for 90 days, report to the squadron in 12 hours, and no, he didn’t know where they were going.

Fifteen minutes later, my AC called me. I was needed at the squadron to help load and preflight aircraft that were deploying in 12 hours. We still didn’t know where we were going or how long we’d be there, but the news was hitting the airwaves that the United States was reacting to Saddam Hussein’s invasion of Kuwait.

Twenty-four hours later, in KC-135R 58-0059, I was sitting in my cockpit seat, right behind the AC, taking off out of Loring AFB ME headed to Lajes Field in the Azores, a small island in the eastern Atlantic. We had an airplane full of support gear for the 9-hour sortie. I can’t recall for sure if we dragged any fighters on that first flight, but judging on the flight duration, I think we did.

An Air Bridge was being put in place to get Air Force fighters, sometimes referred to as chicks, from the East Coast all the way to Saudia Arabia, or Down Range as it was known to us. Our job flying from the Lajes was to meet up with tankers flying east from the east coast, take their fighters and escort them to the Strait of Gibraltar where other tankers would be waiting to take them through the Mediterranean Sea.

It would be one tanker with anywhere between two and six fighters, depending on the fighter type. A-10s tended to be flights of six aircraft, whereas F-15s usually came in groups of four. For F-4s, the thirstiest of the fighters, there were usually only two. It wasn’t a hard and fast rule, but rather determined by many factors including weather, location and availability of divert airfields, the fighter’s fuel requirements, and the tanker’s available offload.

I always had great respect for the schedulers and planners who put all this together. The amount of coordination needed was enormous. Tankers on the east coast, supported by many bases, tankers in the Atlantic at the Azores, tankers the Mediterranean, all had to be able to meet at their rendezvous points without fail or somebody was going to end up in the drink. Nobody wanted that.

For us, at the Azores, life was good. The weather was absolutely stunning with the sun shining and the temperatures in the 80s. I had never been there before, and wrongly assumed it was like that all the time. Everything we needed (food, beer, pool, gym) was within walking distance except heading to the temporary squadron that was hastily set up. If we were flying, we’d wake up late in the morning and head over to the gym, then off to the chow hall for lunch and then report to the squadron for a sortie. If we weren’t flying, then it would be the pool and the NCO club.

The formations from the East Coast came in waves about an hour apart. That worked well, until one evening mother nature intervened. The diversion for weather caused some serious confusion, and we had tankers stacking up in an orbit waiting for their receivers. One AC who didn’t get the memo decided not to coordinate with the other holding tankers, who were stacking up in altitude, and entered the orbit at the planned altitude, which was already occupied by a tanker that had taken off a couple of hours earlier. Both aircraft circled around the orbit for a while until eventually, they crossed paths and almost collided. One of the pilots said they he was able to see the map light in the cockpit of the offending aircraft and reported that they were easily within fifty feet of each other. TCAS, or Traffic Collision Avoidance System, did not exist in those days, so there was no safety net. The funny part, not that it was that funny, was that the offending pilot was actually the head of Stan/Eval or Standards and Evaluations, the people who gave Check Rides and made sure everybody was doing things correctly.

At the Strait of Gibraltar, we’d often meet up with a KC-10. They could carry more fuel for offloading and could be refueled themselves providing even more flexibility. If we had extra gas when we met up with the KC-10, we’d refuel them, giving them the extra so they’d have it if needed.

After sorties or on days we weren’t flying, the NCO club was the place to go. C-141s were landing everyday to refuel, there were no tankers available for direct flights, and they often spent the night. There airplanes were filled with ground pounders making their way down range.

One evening, we ran into some KC-130 enlisted Marines crew dogs who were bragging about how they were the “tip of the sword.” One of our older, more experienced, and more inebriated booms started yelling at them, “Tip of the Sword my ass, we’ve been here for two effing weeks.” Fortunately, we managed to avoid getting our asses handed to us by buying them all a round of drinks and doing carrier landings on a table.

By the way, we drank the base dry. They literally ran out of beer. For a few days you couldn’t find a six pack of beer anywhere on base, but eventually we were resupplied, and all was well again.

And then, all of the sudden, that little piece of heaven melted away like a chocolate bar in the sun. Aircraft and crews started moving around again. Some of our guys went Down Range, some went home. The Down Range guys went to France, Spain, Italy, Egypt, Saudia Arabia, Doha, and Deigo Garcia.

I was on a crew that was sent back home, back to good old SAC Alert watching the continuing buildup on Headline News wanting to get back to. A few weeks later, I returned to the Azores and the difference was startling. The weather had gotten cold and rainy, all the tankers were gone, the C-141s landing was reduced to a trickle, the NCO club was empty, and there were no missions to fly. All the fighters that needed to be moved had been moved.

My crew was headed down range…

(stay tuned for How I Missed the D*mn War – Part 2)

Photos: Lajes Field runway, the parking ramp, my AC and copilot, an A-10 receiver during one of the missions

@tcamp202 via X

[sysmedsaresexist]

like i do follow you and stuff and enjoy your content most of the time, this isnt meant to be an attack or smth, but i thought id point smth out. in that recent post you made abt blocking that guy, you said in the tags not to feed the trolls.

which is why im sending this ask, bc you do feed the trolls. pretty often and to this day you feed the trolls. you were reblogging stuff from thefakersystems 2 days ago, and are now saying not to feed the trolls?

this isnt really like a call out or me telling you to do anything or smth, just. something ive noticed. it actually really surprised me to see you say that, since you seem to not really care about feeding the trolls, so idk. just thought id say smth

I have a couple asks about trolls (A. Clown, ilu, yes, report), and there's one, very annoying, troll-like creature that annoys me personally, so I'm going to answer this

I like to rate trolls on two scales

Harmless to harmful

Boring to amusing

The one I recommended people block is harmful and boring

They made a blog and immediately started reblogging-- not MY posts, but my reblogs of OTHER people's positivity

That's not a danger or annoyance to myself, in this case, it's a danger to my followers and those I interact with

That means an immediate block from my blog, and a late night of checking for new blogs that might indicate round 2 (to reiterate, I was the only one they had reblogged from)

Unfortunately, I didn't catch that troll until their fifth reblog

I told those I know personally to block the blog before checking their notifications

To others, I'm sorry I didn't catch them on the first post, I'm sorry that you had to see depressing nonsense on amazing positivity posts

That's why I ALSO said in the tags, just block, there's nothing interesting to see, no amusement is going to come out of it, don't send them anons, just block and move on

Thefakersystem, on the other hand, is harmless and amusing, commenting lol on random posts and actually making me laugh at times-- they've really only reblogged my original posts, so they're not using my blog like it's a buffet of victims to pick from

They are not using my blog to attack others, they're not a direct threat to my followers or those I interact with

They're an annoying little background buzz that sometimes gets a chuckle. Everyone already knows they exist, so I don't need to tell anyone to be careful, and people either already have them blocked or know what to look for

Now, I did see that they may be involved in the anons going around, potentially the triggering ones

That's a bit different, now we have a problem, they've gone up to "mildly harmful question mark?"

I'm keeping an eye on the situation and will act appropriately, as needed

I don't know how long you've been around, but does anyone remember the shadow the hedgehog blog?

I actually spoke directly with that blog at the time and found out it was joke-- I was scared for them and my followers, so I do my due diligence where needed

But my followers can be rabid, and the shadow blog started getting death threats and suibait, and then I put a stop to it, on behalf of the TROLL, calling out those users specifically and making it very clear that this blog does not support that-- the users that sent those anons essentially ruined any fun that people were having-- and trust me, it was hilarious for most people, or I would have stopped it earlier

I have also been accused numerous times of coordinating mass reports against real users, so I need to be careful what callouts I make about who, and what I "ask" my followers to do, because there's no winning either way

And if you ARE the annoying, troll-like creature that I mentioned, you're a massive hypocrite and I hope you know everyone is laughing at you

Because if people weren't laughing, you'd be hard blocked

(If you're not that user, I hope this answers your question and helped ❤️)

[mysmorgasbordoffantabulosa]

”Hybe pulled out” seems like such a reach im sorry… i want to believe in taekook too but why is this more likely than them actually just dating. Like before open lgbt idols, they ought to at first be allowed to openly date and have relationships and be normal human beings in the first place and i feel like what tae is doing is representating that more than anything else. Like he wants to use his status for this, normalizing idols dating. And also to blame yg and hybe doesnt answer the fact that taehyung would have had to accept it and i dont see that he would do that if he was gay or in a relationship with a man. Because he would maybe have to hide (if sk is 10-15 years behind, wasnt that around the time in the west when gay artists etc began to come out?) but he wouldnt do this is my feeling, he wouldnt want to promote another straight couple, it would be disingenious. But ofc there could be other things going on behind the scenes that we dont know. And im obviously projecting my idea of taehyung onto him but i just feel like he sets boundaries, stands up for himself, doesnt care about haters to the point that this move seems out of character. What would be in character is not caring about some bullshit rule about not openly dating. (Even if i would have liked to keep living in my delusional taekook bubble… i guess its his life…)

"Like before open lgbt idols, they ought to at first be allowed to openly date and have relationships and be normal human beings in the first place and i feel like what tae is doing is representating that more than anything else."

My reaction to this bit in particular....

followed by this...

So let me get this STRAIGHT, before TAE can be GAY he has to DATE WOMEN... normally?????

As for the rest... well....

"Like he wants to use his status for this, normalizing idols dating."

"also to blame yg and hybe doesnt answer the fact that taehyung would have had to accept it and i dont see that he would do that if he was gay or in a relationship with a man."

Idols, even ones as influential as BTS still have to play the game and present as 100% heterosexual... Now, Tae may not like it, but he would still have to play along even if it's not outright denying it.

Also Idol cov⁴panies have been using their idols for years, that includes, fake relationships and gossip, creating fake storeis as cover for other things. . Several people who have worked in the industry have cons2istent said that is the case. Plus he's under contract and that contract probably as a certain level of control over his media image. And YG have been consistantly been using these tactics for years mostly to deflect from the shitty things they've done as company or to help protect their big named acts... or CEO.

"sk is 10-15 years behind"

I just meant poliically and culturally not in relation to idols. In about 15 years' time I believe there will be more progressive laws in SK and opinion from the GP on LGBTQ rights will be more accepting.

We might see more celebs coming out, but that's not a given especially in K-Pop.

"he wouldn't want to promote another straight couple"

He never did in the first place... you're projecting.

"he sets boundaries, stands up for himself, doesnt care about haters... What would be in character is not caring about some bullshit rule about not openly dating."

Yes he does set boundries, but at the same time, he's fully aware of how precarious things could be for him as an idol. Hence why I think HYBE/Tae allowed the speculation off the back of those early fake images to run rampant.

When I say "HYBE pulled out", it's clear regardless of whether HYBE were involved in the creations of the images or not, that when they dropped initially back in May last year, it benefited them greatly. So when the next set of images dropped in Aug/Sept last year they clearly supported the release of the images by not saying anything (along with YG), until both BP and Tae's schedules had come to a close. This "coordination" makes it clear that both both HYBE and YG were involved and for the HYBE it allowed a large slice of the fandom and GP to view Tae as straight... which further down the line protects his image and allow him a greater freedom.

Post Sept-2022 it's clear that HYBE became less involved and started be less coordinated with their business partners over the whereabouts of their artists and their release schedules.

So while YG started to use the situation to fend off BP contract issues, BigBang issues, G-Dragon issues, former CEO/legal issues, Baby Monster issues... etc..., it also meant that even more discrepancies started to occur such as the fact that the video in Paris was either clearly stages or not filmed when the photographer claimed because schedule meant that Jennie was nowhere near France. I also think YG might have been involved in JK's "leaked" video consider how close it was release to when a lot of shitty news about YG came out.

Anyway, one good thing about military enlistment.... no more Taennie Shit!