#and it got me writing some 5sos stuff for the first time in a while so huzzah for that!

[allsassnoclass]

hello! congrats on reaching your follower milestone! could i request the prompt "The intimacy of feeling someone’s warmth through their clothes when you hug" for roylum? also i would love a picture of your dog if you have any to spare! 🦥

hello sloth anon! your penny pics were posted a few weeks ago here, and now here is the prompt!

roylum: the intimacy of feeling someone’s warmth through their clothes when you hug

The sun is just about to set on the horizon when Calum finally waves goodbye to his taxi driver, safe on his front stoop after a long day of trying to get here.  His backpack rests heavy on his shoulders, his suitcase near-bursting at his side, and his stomach chooses that moment to give an unsubtle rumble.

He needs to eat something for dinner and sleep for about five weeks.  First, though, he needs to get inside.

The front entryway is dim, even with the large windows positioned to let in as much sunlight as possible.  Calum drops his backpack with a thunk, pushing his suitcase to the side and kicking off his slides haphazardly in the pile of other shoes left near the door.  He strains his ears for any signs of life, and after a moment the silence is broken by the skitter of Duke's nails on the floor and the jingle of his dog tags.

Man, he's missed his dog.  He saw him less than a month ago, before they went to England to start the album promo cycle, but it still feels like too long.

Duke starts barking before he rounds the corner, the howl that seems too low for his small body filling the air and Calum's heart, and Calum is right there to scoop him into his arms when he finally comes into view.

"Hey buddy," he says, sinking to the floor, Duke wriggling too much to keep a hold of.  He howls again, entire body vibrating with the force of his wagging tail, and Calum laughs, holding his head in place so he can kiss the top of it.

"I've missed you, too.  I'm back until November, and I'm going to spend every single second of it with you.  Yes I am!  Are you excited?  Isn't that exciting?"

Duke howls in agreement.  Calum laughs, scratching his fingers all along his sides, pausing once he finds the ticklish spot that makes Duke thump his leg.

"Duke?" Roy calls from somewhere down the hall, probably his bedroom.  Calum's grin doubles in size.  He kisses Duke's head again and Duke lunges at his face with his tongue out, catching Calum on the chin.  He laughs again, tilting his head back so he doesn't get dog slobber in his mouth.

Roy rounds the corner then, taking out his wireless earbuds as he does.  He's wearing a worn, oversized shirt that Calum is pretty sure used to be his, and there's a ring of pink around the collar from where his hair dye has bled.  Calum can't wait to see if the shower is still red, too.  He pauses when he sees Calum, then smiles.

"You should've called me to pick you up," he says, dropping to the floor next to him.  Duke spins around himself in the miniscule space between them, yowling again.

"With LA traffic?  Taking an airport taxi got me home faster.  I'm so fucking sick of airports."

Roy lets out a laugh, their fingers bumping together as they both pet Duke.

"The price of being a world-famous musician," he says.  "Speaking of, congrats on the album.  It's fucking sick."

"You too," Calum says, knocking their knees together.  Duke jumps over them and does a lap around them, skittering away when Roy reaches for him again.  He stares at them expectantly, tail wagging.

"I haven't fed him yet.  I think he was waiting for you," Roy says.  Calum sighs and stands, knees cracking.

"Better get him something, then.  I still need to eat, too."

"I can throw something together," Roy says, taking Calum's outstretched hand to help himself up.  "I haven't had dinner yet, either."

"Family meal," Calum hums.  He gets two steps towards the kitchen before Roy's hand tugs him back, his wiry arms wrapping around Calum's waist.  Calum fits himself against him easily, arms over Roy's shoulders, Roy's face tucked near his neck.

Calum loves the way that they fit together.  Roy is all lithe lines and sharp angles, but Calum easily molds to him, ribs slotting alongside each other and grip tight.  Roy is warm, body heat seeping through his threadbare shirt and Calum's travel tee, and Calum's sigh releases some of the aching exhaustion brought on by a day of travel, relaxing against him.

Duke whines.

"I'm allowed to hug Calum, too," Roy huffs.  Calum can imagine his playful glare at the dog.

"There's enough of me to share," he says.  Roy's hair tickles his cheek as he tilts his face down, lips landing on the juncture between Calum's neck and shoulder like a brand.

Duke barks twice.

"Give me a moment, buddy," Calum says.  Roy adjust his grip, holding him even closer, if possible.

In a minute, Calum will let go to feed his dog, and he and Roy will find something for themselves to eat for dinner.  They'll spend the night catching up on the albums and concerts and interviews of the past few weeks, then they'll both head to bed, where Calum will be able to fall asleep next to him for the first time in too long.  For now, though, Calum continues to hug him, wrapped up in the feeling of home.

[smi11ng]

December 14,

reading

writing

-this post. My therapist left me a homework. Document how I felt and what I thought throughout the day. This is my own take to the homework. A blog. I found a prompt online kaya ginaya ko lang. I’ll be tweaking it along the way. Like, removing or adding keywords.

listening

watching

- Math 21 lecture and discussion videos. I am reaping the consequences of my actions when I was 14. I could see where my foundation in math isn’t as well-built. There are tricky questions I need to practice. My motivation is driven by the fact that I’m a slut for academic validation. I want to hear my prof say my name as the top scorer. Aren’t I ambitious? I only got average scores the past three tests…

-Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret. This was a really fun show. I wish this existed when I was younger. It’s just lovely. It encompasses the experiences a girl goes through during puberty. I liked how the main character was just an 11 year old girl. While I was watching it, I remember this was how 11 year olds act.

thinking

-the transport strike. I don’t know how the drivers can afford to do a strike for two days. It’s not like they have a choice though. It’s just inhumane, those policies, for everyone. Like, bitch I ain’t paying 40-50 pesos per jeepney ride. I’d rather faint, walking under the sun. I wonder if Paula will join the rally later. I would do too, if I was brave. I still hold hesitation for rallies. I’m not as knowledgeable with current events as my peers. Still, I want to put more effort in learning the world around me.

wearing

-gym fit. My 5sos shirt. Some checkered shorts.

wanting

-Creatine. I succumbed to consumerism. Binili ko na since it’s on sale. I was also planning to get another flavor of protein powder pero di ko pa ubos yung nabili ko. It just tastes so bad. It makes me want to puke. Hinaluan ko ng choco ice cream kagabi to make it palatable.

-skincare stuff. sunscreen, etc. I stopped myself from splurging. I still have those.

-to dye my hair orange and getting a lip/piercing. I saw how orange hair looked gorgeous on kathryn bernardo and nadine lustre. I want to try it too. I can’t wait to finish rotc. I want to dye my hair again and get another piercing…

feeling…

-heart palpitations. I drank coffee for the first time in a while.

-envious. When I watched that movie, I wish I found it easy to rely on my mom for emotional support.

remembering…

looking forward to…

-going home. Go on a break. Finishing this sem. Going to Palawan with my dad. Spending time at home. Playing with my cat.

[youngbloodslut]

celebrity crush | 2/??

a/n: the first interview is mostly based off of dove cameron and ava max’s interviews with popbuzz

summary: actress! reader somehow manages to bring up her crush on calum hood in every interview

pairing(s): calum hood x reader, platonic! reader x tom holland

warning(s): swearing? slight mentions of kinks

“She’s at it again mate,” Ashton smirked as he carried his laptop over to Calum who was sat on the sofa. He flipped open the computer and hit play on y/n y/l/n’s newest interview.

“C’mon, I don’t wanna-” Calum rubbed his hand over is face and shook his head.

Ashton ignored him and turned up the volume to drown out his protest. “Shhh.. watch.”

“Hey guys, I’m y/n y/l/n and this is the Pop Buzz Tower of Truth.” You spoke as the title popped up on screen.

“I think I’m gonna end up tipping it before I can even get one block out,” You said as you tried to carefully pull of a wooden block. 

“That will never work,” Calum heard a voice from off camera say and recognized it as Tom Holland. He tried not to frown as you laughed and mocked him.

“Y’know what, we’re leaving that one.” You laughed, leaving the original block alone and easily pulling out another block.

“There we go. Okay, what was the last movie or tv show that make you cry? Dead Poets Society. I love Dead Poets Society so much and Tom had never seen it so we watched it after finishing yesterdays interviews.” You placed the block on top of the tower. “And he cried.”

The camera crew laughed as Tom shouted a, “Hey!”

“Tell us one thing about you that we don’t know. Um, this is hard because I’m always saying stuff that I shouldn’t be. Um, I’m an Oxford comma worshiper.” You said, unsure whether or not that’s interesting enough.

“Oxford comma?” A crew member behind the camera questioned.

“Yeah, y’know, the comma that comes before ‘and’ when making a list. I hate that people don’t use it because then I get all confused. Like if I were to write ‘Lizzie, Tom, and Robert are going to the party’ and I don’t add a comma before ‘and’ then it seems like Tom and Robert would be arriving at the party together. But some people who don’t use the Oxford comma could mean that all three people were showing up separately so I never know. Y’know what I mean?”

The camera crew were all silent after her rant and Calum chuckled a bit to himself. He thought it was cute that you were so passionate about the smallest things. Ashton looked over to him as Calum admired you through the screen. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew Calum secretly liked how much you talked about him.

“No,” Tom responded honestly

“Ugh,” You rolled your eyes dramatically and looked into the camera, “See, these are the type of guys you got to look out for: Un-grammarly men.” You joked.

“Un-grammarly isn’t a thing.” Tom laughed.

“Well if it were a thing, you’d be one.” You fired back at Tom.

“Anyway, who is your favorite artist right now? Um, probably Wallows, I love them and their music.”

“I was really expecting Calum Hood to be honest.” Tom shouted from across the room.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe I just forgot about him like that. I love you Calum Hood. I love 5sos.” You held up your hands into a heart shape and moved your hands from side to side. 

You then dropped them and grabbed another block. “Sorry, I keep forgetting that people are actually going to see these interviews. Like, he could literally see this. Dude, I hope he doesn’t.” You paused, “Oh god, do you think he knows about my crush on him?” You had been mentioning him for years and it had never once occurred to you that he could actually see these. 

Calum laughed at the irony of the situation. Here he was watching a video of you saying you hoped he’d never see said video.

“This is humiliating.” You mumbled though you didn’t seem to actually care, “Who was your first celebrity crush? Oh uh, definitely Andrew Garfield. I remember when I first watched the Social Network and I was like obsessed. My friend and I both watched it over 10 times within like two months. And then would continuously make Mark Zuckerberg jokes. But of course, Calum Hood now owns my heart.” You put the block on top of the tower. “I’m actually doing really good, I thought I’d knock it down by now.”

“Describe in detail the worst date you’ve ever been on. Okay so I was like fifteen right, and, well I’m not even sure if this counts as a date. I think he considered it a date so I guess it was but basically we were in the car, he was sixteen so he could drive. We were in the drive through, we had already ordered, and he started feeling around in is pockets and I was like oh god, cause I knew what was about to happen. He was like, ‘oh no i think i lost my wallet’, and I was like its fine I’ll pay. I really didn’t mind. I ended up paying, we got our drinks and without missing a beat, we hadn’t even pulled out of the drive through, he was like’oh here’s my wallet.’ I really didn’t mind paying for my coffee, I wouldn’t mind paying for both of our coffees. But him going out of his way to lie, and then not even lie well, was so irritating.” She placed the block on the top and picked up a new one.

“What is the most useless idem you’ve ever purchased? Um, I bought a seven foot giraffe while I saw drunk once.” The block was added to the top, the tower now taller than you. “He’s in my living room if you wanted to know.”

You grabbed the next block carelessly, immediately regretting it when the tower fell behind you, “Oh shit, well I guess we’re done then.” You said nonchalantly, looking at the blocks on the floor. “I don’t think I’ll be playing this again anytime soon. Love you guys,” You held up your hands, “Love you Calum Hood.” You winked before the outro began to play.

“She must really love you, Cal.” Ashton poked Calum’s cheek annoyingly, “She’s got no shame.”

Calum wouldn’t admit it, but as soon as he got home he looked you up again. He clicked on the same video Ashton showed him and scrolled through the comments. 

y/nscalumhoodkink: MOMOMOMOMOMOM

datemey/n: Queen of Jenga

ashtonfletchersbitch: Y/N LITERALLY IS ME

5esohes: no because y/n y/l/n and calum hood together is my kink

noemptywalletshere: not only does y/n own this fandom, but my ass too

He couldn’t help but laugh at the comments no matter how interesting they were. But something in the back of his head kept yelling at him. She doesn’t acting like you. Shes just likes your music, nothing more. He sighed and clicked out of the video and was about the close his laptop when his cursor handed on a video. 

Y/n Y/l/n foaming at the mouth while talking about Calum Hood for 5 minutes straight.

He clicked on it a little too quickly and waited for it too load. 

“Calum Hood choke me challenge.” You stuck out your tongue and threw up a peace sign with an innocent look plastered on here face. 

“Bro imagine if Calum Hood saw this?” “Oh he would definitely fall for you after this video”

The third thing to pop up was a tweet from 2015 just saying: #marrymecalumhood

“Calum Hood send me hand pics. This is a demand, not a request.”

Calum continued to watch the entire video. Normally, the thirsty comments would have made him uncomfortable, but them coming from you made his heart race and cheeks flush.

God, what was happening to him?

[ghost-of-you]

Can you explain SGFG like you did self titled haha

*straightens back* *pull up sleeves* *cracks fingers* i thought you'd never ask skspakoakaoak

We start out strong with a "you're so hot I'd let you rob me" song, don't know what was going on when they wrote this, but sure, then we move on to "i might be crazy and broken but it's alright tho cuz people around me are kinda hot but just kinda tho" then we move to a fuck capitalism song "we can all get some we can all get paid" still waiting for clearer instructions on that one, then we go to "I'm complicated, slightly depressed but I don't give a fuck" and then we have one of the best songs ever written with the amazing "I'm trapped in my own head and I keep making mistakes but I'm trying so fucking hard please tell me you see that" like excuse me *hiding knife in my back" Michael, who hurt you like that? I just wanna talk.

Then we have catch fire, i don't know what Muke was on when they wrote that but i want some of it "now I'm lost in the swirling sea of your sorry eyes" "cause the ghost of survivals guilt can be so unkind" "the words you speak surrounding me this is broken love in the first degree the air you breathe is haunting me maybe I'll change your mind" excuse me???????!??? Then we get "I'm broken and you're broken let's be broken together" the "no more waiting we can save us from falling" gets me every time, then we have a mandatory song about sex but it's so profound and romantic you can forget it is a mandatory song about sex specially with that cool little interlude in the end, then they spin you around with "i love you so much I'll let you use me cuz if I try hard enough I can pretend this isn't just a big lie", then we have an ultimate "how the hell did we get here song" that has stuff like "heartbreak that i can't escape a sinking ship I'll never save" "all your screaming whispers slip right through my fingers but these memories linger on" all hidden by the pop punk moment (castaway should've been a single and. I'll die on this hill).

Then we have the "i wanna believe you but i can't trust you" featuring "it doesn't have to be this tragedy this endless lost parade a castle of facade of make believe" again who let them get away with writing this stuff???? And we move on to "my parents got a divorce and they definitely should have but I miss feeling safe at home" I'm not gonna quote anything here cuz I would just write the whole song, the whole song is beautifully written and just paints the most heartbreaking picture ever, but then they spin you around and throw fly away in your face with the "i really really really really wanna run away let's go like right now" song.

And then they spin you around punch you the face and kick you while your down with invisible, i am positive that "another day the wall are built to keep me save i can't escape is too late" is the most heartbreaking thing I'll ever hear, and they follow that up with the hope anthem, i swear every time i hear airplanes for 3:38 minutes i feel like i can conquer the world, the bridge alone is everything, then we have a little "nostalgia is a powerful thing" with San Francisco that in the end is another "i was awful and I'm so sorry please take me back" song and I eat that up every time, then we have 5sos masterpiece, if os/co song is not in your top 10 5sos songs, you're listening to them wrong, go do it again and pay attention this time, I'm looking at you Ashton Calum Luke and Michael how dare you say this is not an s tier song"i guess I was running from something i was running back to you" amazing, the whole outerspace outro, "the darkest night never felt so bright with you by my side" "nothing like the rain when you're in outerspace" the repetition of the "love me like you did" that gives you hope followed by the "I'll give you anything" that just takes it away and then we have the waves and everything calms down and then bam a whole choir telling you it's gonna get better, honestly ending the album with this was such a power move, incredible.

But then you get the bonus songs, the "I'm bad you're worse but I'm loving every second of this rollercoaster" and yet another entry to the "I'm the worst and I'm so sorry please just take me back" that makes me want to rip my hair out "an epilogue before you're done a sequel to what we began" the chorus?!??? The bridge??????? The whole song actually.

Amazing experience from beginning to end, will make you experience the whole spectrum of human emotions. 10000000/10 album.

[suchalonelysunflower]

I gave you my heart (h.s)

Pairing: Harry Styles X Reader

Requested: Yes!

Summary: Harry is trying to propose to you, but his family is getting in the way.

Warnings: Fluff. Angst if you really pay attention. Language. Mentions of alcohol (barely) Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, sorry!)

Word count: 4.1 K

Author’s Note: Oh how I missed writing for Harry! And a fluffy piece nonetheless! Who am I? Well, this is a Holiday fic (non specific) and I’m also planning to do a 5SOS holiday fic by the end of the year, so stay tuned! 🌻 Reblogs, comments, feedbacks and likes are welcomed and encouraged! Please, I love to hear from you guys 💕 Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋✨

My materialist // wanna be on my tag list?

Picture form Pinterest. Title from the song “last Christmas”

Ok i know this is cheesy but hear me out, Harry proposing on Christmas with his family around.

Harry kneeled in front of you. His hands were intertwined with yours as he spoke of all the grand adventures you had and how much he adores you while your eyes filled with glossy cold tears. He couldn’t see his mum from where he was, but he could already tell she started crying as well while Gemma held her in a side hug, watching the scene they never thought would happen being displayed in front of them.

Words of praise left his mouth like a symphony, knowing that he will never get tired of praising you as the angel you were. Tears started forming in his eyes as he promised you a lifetime of love and adventure, hoping with all his heart you would say yes.

They all knew the question that was going to pop out of his lips any time now.

“So, Y/N L/N” He said, as the fireworks started to go off behind them “Will you marry me?”

You wiped your tears with the back of your hand and with a smile you answered:

“You better wake up before I leave you in the car”

Harry opened his eyes in shock, cursing under his breath as he realized he had fallen asleep without realizing.

You were on your way to Anne’s house for the Holidays, just like you promised a few months ago when Harry finalized all his tour arrangements. You were very excited to see Harry’s family again, it has been a while since you got to spend any time with them as you accompanied Harry across the world for the most part of the past year. You love them with all your heart and it comforts you to know that the feeling is completely mutual - Anne practically adopting you the minute you came through the door as Harry’s partner a few years ago and Gemma quickly becoming your best friend over the span of a few minutes, bonding over clothes, movies and embarassing Harry stories.

Harry loved how much you and his family love each other, for that is all he asked. For him there are only three things that matter most: His music and his fans; His family and, of course, you. He felt really blessed to have you in his life during all these years, knowing that you love him just as much as he loves you (although he would always fight that he loves you more) You were his rock, his best friend, his world… and he cannot wait to put a rock on that hand to prove that to you.

He got the ring a few months prior, but he knew he wanted to marry you from the first moment he saw you interact with his family. He still remembers that cold December night when he came downstairs looking for you and you were sleeping on the couch next to Gemma. You have been talking all night and were exhausted by the time you both finished that bottle of wine. He stood on the entrance of the living room watching the cozy scene with a smile plastered across his face. He knew he loved you back then, but his happiness at that moment was unmatched.

He was so entranced by the picture that he didn’t notice Anne standing beside him.

“This one’s a keeper” She said in a low voice as she watched you both with tenderness in her eyes. But Harry already knew that.

And now, as you were driving the cold snowy roads of Cheshire, Harry drifted back from his fantasy waiting to come true. Thinking back and forward of the little velvet box that is hidden in his suitcase.

“Sorry,” He said with a yawn “Didn’t notice I fell asleep”

You smiled at him but kept your eyes on the road “It’s okay, love. I know you must be tired of the trip. That is why I asked you to switch seats and let me drive in the first place”

Harry stared at you for a moment, completely enamored by your thoughtfulness. He really was lucky to have you.

“Besides,” You joke “With your driving skills, we might get to Homes Chapel the day after the Holidays if we are lucky”

Harry rolled his eyes “Oh, bug off!” He said as he mocked annoyance, but his laugher soon joined yours as you continued your way towards his childhood home.

*

You let out a happy squeal once you noticed Anne standing in front of her house from a distance, wasting no time on parking the car so you could run up to her and hug her.

“Aww I’m so glad you’re finally here!” Said the matriarch of the Styles’ family as she crushed your body in a tight hug “I’m never letting you go a year without visiting us again!”

“It will not happen again! I promise” You answered with a laugh.

She let you go just enough so she could place her palm on your cheek, caressing it in a motherly way “You better! And in any case you could always run away from my son and come stay here for as long as you want!”

This is when Harry decided to interject. He was standing behind you, smiling at the exchange that was happening in front of him.

“Oi! No need for that now, mum”

Anne laughed as she went to hug her son, murmuring about how if he doesn’t keep an eye on you she would steal you from him without a second thought.

After a few more greetings, Anne ushered you into the house. The warm environment and the smell of a homemade meal made you feel at home.

You always loved to come and visit Harry’s childhood home. It reminded you of him, the real Harry you got to know on a more personal and deep level. The Harry that let all his walls down and let you in, welcoming you to his house, his family and friends and into his heart. The Harry you love with all your being.

“‘m gonna head and help mum with dinner” Your boyfriend said as he hung his coat by the door “You’ve been driving all day, love. You should rest”

He pressed his chest to your back and rounded his arms around your waist to hold you closer before placing a kiss to the shell of your ear. You hummed “‘m not tired. I don’t think I could rest till much later.”

“Still,” Harry said “At least try to rest? Don’t want you to feel sick and I know you’ll hate to miss all the traditions”

You sighed “At least that way I’ll get you to take care of me, right?” You smiled at him and he smiled back.

“Always, darling”

You placed a couple little chaste kisses to his lips, pulling away from his grasp before he started to try and deepend them as he always does “‘m gonna go unpack my suitcase then. Want me to unpack yours?”

Harry was about to answer when the alarms in his head went off, reminding him of the little box you should definitely not find “Uh, n-no. I have to show something to my mum” He lied “I’ll unpack my stuff later. Thank you, though”

His response got you a little confused, but you just shrug your shoulders and turned around towards the guest room, aka: Harry’s old room. Letting Harry let out a relief breath once you went out of sight. This was going to be a long holiday.

*

Gemma arrived later that night. She didn’t even put her luggage on the ground before she caught your eye and ran to hug you.

“Oh my god” She said, hugging you tighter “I have so much to tell you!”

“Oh sure,” Harry said, walking towards her as she almost left you out of breath “I’m just your brother who you haven’t seen in a long time… Why should I get a hug?”

The older Styles rolled her eyes “Because I see you in every social media post there is you dork! Besides, I have had Y/N in my life rather recently compared to living with you under the same roof for almost seventeen years”

Harry placed his hand over his heart and mocked a hurt expression, making his sister laugh before she moved on to wrap him into a hug.

“I missed you, you wanker” She said, hiding some love in the insult.

“Me too, jerk”

“But I missed Y/N more” She said with a grin, pulling away from Harry and turning back to you. Intertwining your arms so you’d walk together into the living room “So, I was telling you…”

Hours flew by and before you’d realized it was almost 2 am when you and Gemma made your ways to your respected rooms. You noticed that Harry went to bed a little earlier and you guessed he would be asleep by now.

You found your boyfriend safe and tucked away in dreams once you opened the door. You smiled to yourself as you admired his sleeping figure sprawled all over the bed with one arm spread over your side, waiting for you to cuddle up against it.

A yawn flew through you as the exhaustion of the day settled in. You quickly changed into your cozy pajamas, did your nighttime routine and layed in bed next to Harry, who, as soon as he felt you by his side, pulled your body closer to him.

“Hi” He said in a whisper, kissing the shell of your ear.

“I thought you were sleeping, H” You giggled as you felt his hand caress your side.

“Couldn’t sleep well without you, you know that”

And indeed you did. Harry always complained whenever he was on tour that he missed you too much and that he needed you even more “I just feel better when I’m with you, love. I do better. It’s like you are my lucky charm or something” He’d always said before he convinced you to travel the world with him. And, to be honest, you did not need that much convincing. If you could spend all your living days with Harry, you would.

“Wha’ time is it anyways?” He asked.

“Late” You shrugged, turning your body so you were facing him “I’m sorry. We didn’t realize we spent all night talking”

Harry furrowed his eyebrows “Why are you apologizing for? I love when you spend time with my family”

“But I almost didn’t spend time with you!”

Harry chuckled “It’s okay, love. I know how my mum and sister can get whenever you are around. They love you almost as much as I do”

“Well, Gemma did say she loved me more....” You teased, making Harry scoff.

“Not possible” He pressed his lips to yours, trying to make your worry disappear “‘m serious, though. Don’t be sorry for spending too much time with them. I swear it 's fine. We could have time for ourselves at any point of the Holiday”

You murmured a soft ‘okay’ before drifting into a peaceful sleep. Harry watched you sleep for a few minutes, taking in the joyful peace that your presence gifted to him whenever you were around. Thinking about how he cannot wait to make you an official Styles.

However, that was not going to be an easy job.

*

As the day passed, you and Harry had less and less time for yourselves as Anne and Gemma got you two completely busy with different activities. From getting the groceries, to help one of them decorate the house or even to just take a walk. You were never not doing something.

And it wasn’t like a bad thing either. On the contrary, you were having the time of your life sharing all of these amazing traditions with Harry’s family. They made you feel welcome and cared for, something that was fairly new to you since you met Harry.

You loved decorating the House and baking cookies with Anne, and it felt so great to have a friend like Gemma around to take the seriousness out of a serious situation and just let you have your fun. But you would be lying if you’d say that you don’t miss your boyfriend.

Even though Harry was always just mere feet from you, he was also caught up in various activities and could barely spend any time with you and that was making him frustrated.

The Holidays were stressful enough, but for Harry this took a whole other level when he thought about the proposal and how many times he failed at getting you two alone so he could do it.

The first miss opportunity came when it started snowing the day after your arrival. He knew how much you loved snow because, in your own words, it made it all seem magical. So when he woke up early that day, he decided that now was the time and that he was ready to pop up the big question. He was going to ask you to play in the snow - just like you usually do - and make a snowman. But the surprise would come with the ring that would be on the snowman’s finger, ready to be placed on your hand if you said yes. Sadly, when you two got ready to go and play, Anne solicited yours and Harry’s help to go and take some food to the shelter that was not so far away from here, a tradition the Styles’ family have been doing since Harry was a baby. When you came back, most of the snow had melted and you were too tired to even think of going outside again.

The second time Harry’s plan got held up was on a frosty night. He had prepared a cozy inside picnic in front of the fireplace for only you and him. He knew that Anne would be out with some of her friends and that Gemma had plans to meet up with someone on a date, so they wouldn’t be able to interrupt in any way. He got a bottle of wine, a charcuterie board, some chocolate covered strawberries, a fluffy blanket and some candles to light up the dark room. He also made you change in your pajamas so you’ll be even more comfortable during the date. Everything went according to plan, his hand almost reaching for the velvet box he hid under one of the couch’s cushions when Gemma came early from her date, completely ruining the moment as she came into the room fuming because she got stood up. Needless to say he did not propose that night.

Harry was convinced that the third time was the charm. Since it was obvious he couldn’t propose in the house without being rudely interrupted every time, he was going to take you out for lunch and then go ice skating, one of your favorite winter activities. Yes, he was aware that it wasn’t his most elaborated plans, but he didn’t know what to do. Plus, he had talked to the owner of the ice skating pit beforehand, asking him to please let them have at least one hour of privacy so he could propose in peace. The owner even promised him to play the playlist Harry made for you and to add some special lightning to make the moment more romantic.

Feeling excited, Harry ran down the stairs to give you the news of your date. But his face fell when he saw you getting ready to go out with Gemma and his mum.

“Are you going out?” He asked as he saw you put on your coat.

“Yes,” You answered with a smile, but that smile soon felt when you saw the disappointment in Harry’s eyes “Your mum asked me and Gemma to go for a last minute shopping run… Harry are you okay, love?”

Your boyfriend closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, a habit he acquired whenever he was frustrated “‘m perfect” He mumbled, turning around to go back to your shared room.

But you were quicker as you grabbed him softly by the arm to make him stop in his tracks. Slowly making him turn around so he was face to face with you “Don’t lie, H. What is going on?”

“‘m just,” He started, but he couldn’t even look you in the eyes as he tried to find the right words to say to you, almost feeling like he is failing you somehow “We never got the chance to spend some time together, Y/N. You are always busy or I am always busy with my mum or with Gemma that I almost didn’t see you this whole trip and I-I just miss you”

Your eyes softened and your heart fluttered with his words. You missed him too, much more than you could say. Everytime you find some time for yourselves you get interrupted and by the end of the day you are both too tired to do anything else besides sleeping. You could tell Harry was frustrated by this whole ordeal, you just didn’t imagine it would affect him this much.

You cupped his cheek and brought him into a sweet kiss “I miss you too, love. Very much” You watched how Harry’s green eyes softened, but they still held an unspoken sadness “If you want me to stay with you, then I’ll stay with you. I don’t need to go with them, you know?”

Harry sighed, placing his hand over yours and caressing it with his thumb “I know” He said as he gave a kiss to your palm “You know how much I love seeing you hanging out with them and I know how much you enjoy it. You should go”

“But Harry-”

“Go, have fun!” He said in a cheerful tone as he brought you closer to give you a hug “I’ll be fine, love. I just want you to remember this Holiday and to enjoy it as much as you can”

“Are you sure? Because I can stay if you-”

“‘m sure,” He smiled, placing a kiss on your forehead, “Go, darling. They must be waitin’”

You smiled back at him and pecked his lips before turning around and closing the front door. Missing for just a second the way Harry’s smile dropped as he saw his plan being shut down once again.

*

He wasn’t proud of his last resort. He knew you deserved an epic proposal, something that could come out from an Oscar winning movie. Something that was as special as you are. And he was beating himself for ruining every chance he’s got to do this properly, but he promised himself that he would not let you - nor him - return home without a shiny rock on your hand. And a Styles never backs down from a promise.

So, with his heart almost beating out of his chest, he placed the gift bag with the other gifts that adorned the living room. Everything will be done tomorrow and there is no turning back now. It was now or never.

The next morning, you found yourself caught up in another Styles’ tradition. You were all sitting in the living room wearing your coziest pajamas as you drank hot cocoa and ate some gingerbread cookies with a pinch of peppermint. It was almost time to open the presents and you could tell Harry was feeling rather anxious.

“Did you sleep well?” You asked as you curreled up to him on the couch that was facing Anne and Gemma, who were already starting to distribute the presents among you.

Harry hummed as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders, turning his face so he was looking at you. He could swear in that moment that he has never seen someone as beautiful as you right now as you watched him with doe eyes, your hair a little bit messy and a thin layer of chocolate decorating your upper lip. He was completely and utterly in love with you.

“Yeah, why’d you ask?”

You shrugged “You were tossing and turning a lot last night, almost like you were nervous or something. Are you sure everything’s alright?”

Harry smiled “I got you, don’t I? How could anything not be alright?”

You rolled your eyes at his cheesy remark, but quickly gave him a kiss on the cheek. Harry didn’t miss the way your cheeks blushed.

“I asked Anne and Gemma to give us a day for ourselves” You said after a moment. Harry looked at you surprised. You couldn't know..? “I told them I felt guilty that I haven’t spent any time with you since we arrived and they understood” You smiled at him “I got you all for myself today, mr. Styles”

Harry’s eyes filled with glee as he brought your lips to him, kissing you with all the love he could pour at the moment.

“Uh, mum?” Gemma’s voice interrupted the scene “I don’t think this is mine” She said as she opened a gift bag.

“No? It’s a jewelry bag so I thought-”

Gemma shook her head “No! This is definitely not for me” She said as she took the little velvet box from inside, making the room go completely quiet. In that moment, all eyes went to Harry as he watched the scene with horror.

“Oh shit” He said, untangling himself form you so he could grab the box from his sister’s hand “Actually, this is mine”

All three of you stayed quiet as he grabbed your hand and kneeled in front of your sitting figure on the sofa.

“Oh my god” You said, covering your mouth that almost fell to the ground because of the shock.

“Oh my god” Gemma and Anne said in unison as they realized what was happening in front of them.

“Y/N,” Harry said looking into your eyes “Let me start by saying that this is not how things were supposed to go. And I’m not just talking about my sister opening your gift. I’ve been trying to propose for as long as this Holiday lasted. Waiting for the perfect moment because you are my perfect half, my soulmate and you deserve nothing less than pure and utter perfection, my love. And I’m sorry I can’t give that to you now”

You could feel the tears pouring down your face since the moment he kneeled in front of you, but hearing Harry say that he wanted to propose all along made you cry harder, how did you get so lucky?

“I knew I had to do this here, for this is the place where I knew I wanted to marry you the first time we came to visit. I have loved you from the very first moment you said hello, and I knew from that instant that you were going to become my favorite hello and my most painful goodbye. Y/N you are magic, my love. My lucky charm. Everything I do, everything I say or think or sing is for and because of you. You are my muse and my best friend. My anchor and my wings. I cannot live without you nor do I ever want to. You have bewitched me body and soul and I love you. I love you. I love you”

You could hear the distant sobs of Anne in the background, but all you could see was Harry. Harry, your best friend and lover. Harry, the person who filled your life with love and light. Harry, who was now on one knee, with tears in his eyes and a ring on his hand. Harry. Harry. Harry.

“You don’t have to say yes, but I really hope that you do. Y/N, my love. I love you more than life itself, you have made me a better man by loving me the way that you do. Let me love you the same now and forever. Will you marry me?”

You nodded through the tears “Yes, Harry. A million times yes!”

You swore Harry’s smile could light up the world in that moment as he slid the ring down your finger. But you didn’t even look as you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him like his mum and sister weren’t watching, throwing the both of you to the floor.

Anne and Gemma started clapping, celebrating the new beginning of the young couple. Because these holidays had a new meaning now, since now and forever they will be remembered as the day you said “yes” to the love of your life.

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @multistann @mystic-232

[fastandtheformula1]

a/n: literally just realized i’ve been spitting out fanfics/blurbs for the past year and a half and you guys haven’t really gotten to know me… so here we go!

~

hello! i am the writer of this blog! you can call me ro (she/her). i’m bisexual!I love 5SOS (Ashton girls RISE), Big Time Rush (where my Kendall girls at), and musical theater (specifically for Mike Faist but we’re not gonna talk about it). I love Formula One too, hence my username.

i’d love to talk to you guys so send me a question/hello in the ask link!

requests are still open if you’d like a specific fic idea!

also, i found this from @nottheweirdest, and thought I would give it a go! i modified some questions to fit my blog hehe

~

Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask

😅 What’s a story or scene you’ve created that you’re embarrassed exists?

literally EVERYTHING. most def my pete davidson after a fight blurb tho. pretty cringe.

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put a smile on your face?

when person a is obviously very sad/depressed for no reason at all and person b just does a bunch of random shit just to see person a smile. and when they do person b is so elated that they’re running around/talking to the dog about how they got person a to smile like person a just said yes to their marriage proposal

Or when person a is depressed/sad and person b does a bunch of soft things just to see person a relax for a split second. (bear hugs, remembering the small things, carrying them bridal style to their bedroom)

brb gonna go cry.

🤡 What’s a line, scene, or exchange you’ve written that made you laugh?

omg in my bo burnham blurb where the reader says “i think the gods are telling us to stop being so lovey-dovey”... stOP pLEasE whAT are you doINGGGG

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

not yet… but there will be *cough ashton irwin* cough*

✍🏼 Do you have a beta reader?

nope! all me :)

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feelings, etc.

probably angst

🎢Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

def. done w/ ashton irwin..still working on part 2 but oof

✨Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it.

tbh i love my poly!5sos stuff. it’s so super fun to write

💋First kiss fics. Love em or hate em?

neither, really. they just sort of annoy me lol

🎶Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

nope!I work in complete silence at 3 in the morning

🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?

google docs on my school chromebook 😬😬 god help me.

❗️Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

SO MANY. probably have thrown away at least 30 or so

🙋🏽‍♀️Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

2 of my friends and my sister

🍦What’s the sweetest fic you’ve created so far?

tbh i’m a pretty angsty gowrl… maybe “insomnia” w niall?

🌶Do you write the spicy stuffs? If so, what’s your most popular nsfw fic?

i have tried. so. many. times. I cringe whenever I write anything smexy.

🌞Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

i really only write from 12-3 a.m. (ik i need help)... I’m a night owl so it’s perfect.

💖What made you start writing?

i had the idea to start writing for a while, then my sister and I talked about it and I made an account and the rest is history.

💌How do you feel about comments and feedback?

feedback is always appreciated as long as you are nice and kind about it! I’m not the best writer; I can always improve!

❌What’s a trope you will never write?

not really a trope but, degradation in the bedroom… i just don’t understand

💲Would you ever open commissions?

probably not

🧐Do you spend much time researching your stories?

eh not really, about 5-10 min max.

🏆What’s your most popular fic?

Andrew Garfield boyfriend headcanons. (honestly, headcanons/ blurbs are so fun to write)

🎃Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic?

I currently don’t have any holiday themed ones, but I’m down to write them if they’re requested

📈How many fics do you have?

21 and counting!

🦅Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

normally it starts out with 2-3 sentences of dialogue, then I piece together the background, then add in details and voila.

👀Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

OKAY “done” W ASHY BOY… I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR THIS FIC. I’M DECIDING OR NOT IF I SHOULD CRY HAPPY OR SAD TEARS

🤗What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

personally, I don’t like having a schedule/ specific day to post, but that’s just me. i know most people have a routine, but do what you want! haven’t written in four months? that’s okay! been writing nonstop for two weeks? also wonderful!

write whatever makes you fall in love with writing again! whether it be a super sappy/cringey trop that makes your knees buckle, do it! :)

💞Who’s your comfort character?

Fred Weasley 1,000%.

🤩Who is your favorite character/person to write?

ASHY BOIIIIIIIIIIII. god i love ashton irwin. His demeanor, poise, confidence, ugh I want it all.

🤲🏼Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

Little background… poly!lashton w/female reader who’s having a depressive episode:

“Hey. Hey, what’s goin on? Is everything all right?” Ash asked, very worried.

You rolled over to Luke as a response, your face near his hips. You felt his hand in your hair, playing with it. Ashton climbed into bed and started to draw shapes on your back.

“C’mon angel. Talk to us. You’ll feel better.” Luke said as he patted your head.

“You can’t stay up there alone, Y/N. Think out loud.”

so excited to share this one… just can’t figure out the ending

😬Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends or family to stumble upon?

anything poly!5sos. Anything poly in general… i mean it’s not a “traditional” relationship, but a part of me still loves it for some reason

🎉What leads you to consider a fic a success?

def a combination of how proud I am with it, and how much you guys interact with it

✅What’s something that appears in your fics over and over again, even if you don’t mean to?

i always end angsty fics with an “i love you”... whoops

📚Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?

maybe as a side hustle!

⌛️How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?

3-5 business days. On a serious note, 2-3 weeks. Maybe 2 hours. It really depends on who I’m writing

🤯What’s a genre you struggle with as a writer?

SMUT OH DEAR LORD. I CAN’T WRITE IT TO SAVE MY LIFE. i’m trying it out on some new ones tho!! I never have a problem reading it though

💔Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

not yet, but soon 👀

💥How do you feel about criticism?

again, as long as you are nice and kind about it!!

🤭Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

i don’t have a fav, but I always seem to go with writing? seems appropriate lol

🥰How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

YES!!!! I love interacting w you guys!

[sergantbarnesbitch]

5SOS Take My Hand Tour - Hamburg

Alright, I was at the koncert in Hamburg (25/4/2022). And I just wanted to write all my thoughts down.

First of all... I fucking met Ashton! By pure dumb luck, and I'm so happy. I almost can't believe it happened.

Please ignore how extremely awkward I look in this picture, I was freaking out internally, and didn't know what the fuck to do with myself.

Kinda wish I had asked for a hug, but I also don't wanna impose on a stangers (as I don't personally know him, yes we are strangers) personal space. I also didn't have anything to write with, or on.. so no autograph. But I got a picture, and I met him. So I'm real happy.

Basically what happened was:

The friend I was there with and myself, took the bus to Hamburg, and then walked to the venue (long walk.. my feet, and legs, and knees, and back hurt). When we got there, he was like; the cue didn't look too bad, so maybe we should just take a walk around the building. I remembered that we never got around to buying a bottle of water for him, so we went off around the building to find a store.

We walked by the side of the building, to the back so we could get around that way. And almost at the end of the building, by one of the doors, twp men were standing; talking. One of them was a crew member, and the other was Ashton.

I could almost recognize him from the back, but wasn't completely sure, until he turned more our way as we got closer. And then he talked to us.. this is almost the most exciting part, as he was actually the first one ro say anything.

Ash: Hey, nice shirt!

Me: Thanks! *With a big smile*

As you can see in the picture, I had a 5SOS shirt on. After this little exchange, my friend and I walked on, despite me recognizing Ash. When we got to the end of the building, I turned the corner so I couldn't be seen, and quietly freaked out.

Btw, my friend is a fan of the music, but he didn't really have their faces and stuff memorized like I do. So he didn't know we just walked by the drummer from the band.

After my little freak out, I decided that I couldn't waln away without a picture. Or at the very least asking for one. Proff ot ot didn't happen, you know.

So I tell my friend that (who is still clueless btw), and after I tell him that it's Ash, he agrees to take a picture. So I turn back around the corner, and walk up to the two of them again.

Me: Could I get a picture with you?

Ash: Yeah, sure. As long as you don't tell anyone. I'm not supposed to be out here.

Me: I promise I wont. We're heading for a store anyways.

So we pose for the picture, and he's really sweet, putting his hand out in a thumbs up. While I'm standing beside him, unsure of what to do with myself.

After my friend take the picture, we stop 'posing'.

Me: I'm excited for the show tonight.

Ash: Yeah? I'll see you then.

Me: You probably won't, but I'll see you!

Ash: You never know. I might!

And then I just gave him a big smile, and a little laugh, as my friend and I walked away.

Afterwards, I'm just thinking back, and you know coming up with thousands of thing I could have said, or done. Something to keep the conversation going. But at the same time, he was put there for some fresh air, not to be bombed with fans. So I'm just really glad I met him. And hope I'll meet him again, or maybe one of the others sometime.

[tyblackthornlovebot]

End Up Here || Reggie Peters x Fem! Reader

Summary: Reggie seems to find you the coolest and most enthralling girl he has ever seen. He wishes he could find the way to your heart. The only problem? He is dead, you’re not.

Pairing: Reggie Peters x Fem! Reader.

Word count: 2k

Warning: None that I can think of. Maybe one mention of them being dead? Reggie being his clumsy cute self.

Requested?: Yes, thanks for requesting! “hey! what about a reggie x fem reader based on that 5sos song, “end up here”? with a fluffly ending if that’s possible? ty!”

A/N: This was my first fic so I hope you enjoy it! If you had something different in mind or want to request anything else, please feel free to do so. I had so much fun and loved writing this one!

Once again Luke and Alex had told him to give up on you, that he had no chance. They didn't want to see how, without even knowing it, you ended up breaking his heart.

Once again Reggie had decided to ignore them and to go see you at high school. 

He knew they were only trying to protect him, save him from getting hurt. 

He even tried to fight those growing feelings but it didn’t seem to work so he resigned himself.

He was just too fascinated by the way you acted. The way you didn't seem to care what other people thought about you.

Like every morning since they showed up at Julie's garage he watched as the doors of high school opened. And among the crowd of students it wasn’t long until he located you. 

At first he went there because he was curious. After so many years without going to high school Reggie wanted to see how everything had changed.

Once he saw you there, so calm, so immersed in your own world, he knew that high school wouldn’t be the only thing that would change for him that day. 

From that moment on he discovered that never before, not even in his previous life, had he wanted to attend high school as much as he wanted now.

At the beginning it was nothing more than pure intrigue. Reggie felt attracted to you. There was no doubt you were the type of girl who would catch his attention. So he decided to do some research on his little crush, without telling anyone just yet. 

As the days went by he found himself following you to all of your classes. Marveling at the way you didn't seek attention, yet you always managed to catch it.

From the way you walked down the hallway, seemingly without a care in the world, with your headphones on. He wondered what kind of music would you be into.

To the way you always seemed to know the correct answer when asked, despite spending all your time drawing in your notebook. He found it to be so alluring, how clever you were without having to try too hard.

Soon his friends began to notice, seeing how he disappeared daily early in the morning. And how he would come back whenever Julie did. 

First they thought that perhaps he was beginning to catch feelings for their mutual friend, the only person that could see them. As they found out later when following him, that wasn’t the case. 

They asked him about you, how he felt towards you, what your name was, when did he start going to see you at high school. Endless questions that Reggie was more than willing to answer. A little embarrassed, but excited for being able to finally talk about you with his best friends.

Even if his crush was a little one-sided he thought they would be there to support him, just as he had done many times twenty-five years ago. 

Unfortunately for him he soon realized that he wouldn’t have the same luck. Luke and Alex, after listening to him, decided to list each and every reason why continuing to go see you was a terrible idea.

And maybe they were right. They were probably right. But Reggie didn't need anyone to tell him the truth, he needed them to be there for him and for them to be supportive. After all, he was old enough to make his own decisions. If he ended up getting hurt it would be his fault, because he decided so. Not because his friends told him what to do.

That was the reason why he was there once again, sitting on the empty seat behind yours in your mathematics class. 

Not that he was too interested on the subject, but he was entertained by watching you draw. 

When the bell rang, announcing the end of that class, Reggie said goodbye with a small sigh. He had to leave earlier that day, so he didn’t have time to accompany you to your last class. 

He hated having to leave you, even if you weren’t going to notice, but he had to go and get ready. That afternoon Julie would perform a song in front of the whole high school. As her friends they were going to be there to support her.

So this is how he found himself a few hours later, in the high school gym with his bandmates and Julie, watching a group called Dirty Candy perform.

Although he had to admit the choreography was good and the girls were talented, it couldn't be said he was too focused on them. He was busy looking for you. 

The whole high school was there, so you must be there too somewhere in the stands. 

He only stopped looking for you when he saw the principal begin to give her speech. The stands were completely silent and it was becoming a bit uncomfortable.

The three of them encouraged Julie to go up on stage. They knew this was her chance and they didn't want her to miss it.

Having finished the performances and the speech, Julie took the stage but the students in the audience also began to stand up. The three ghosts encouraged her so she would feel brave enough to start performing.

Luke had been helping her with the song, not wanting him nor Alex to see what both of them were working on. Now Reggie knew why, as he turned around to look at his friend, surprised. 

That was a Sunset Curve song with a few piano changes. One they hadn’t released.

Even if you couldn't see him maybe their music would end up making you feel something. That would be much better than nothing, Reggie thought, unable to prevent a huge smile from forming on his lips.

And then, suddenly, there they were. Up on stage with their instruments in their hands. 

Reggie couldn't say which of them was more surprised, but he couldn't miss the opportunity. Now that he knew you could see him he had to give his best, play like he had never done before. 

He looked for you again in the crowd with his eyes finally falling on you. 

His heart skipped a beat when he saw you cheer them on. At that moment he swears he could have started crying but he forced himself to maintain his composure. For the band’s and his image’s sake but also because he didn’t want you to think he was crazy.

On the other hand, you were thinking about how grateful you were that your best friend had convinced you to go with them. 

Before that you had come to wonder if it was worth attending, seeing as every year the principal gave the same speech. However that year nothing was the same. One second you were bored to death, wishing you had skipped it as you intended to do at the beginning. The next it seemed like you were in a concert, far away from your high school gym, as you cheered to the rhythm of the music.

Julie and you weren't close friends, but you shared some classes and you got along well enough. 

You were surprised and happy to see how she managed to get on that stage, overcoming that fear that until now prevented her from singing.

The fact that she was later joined by three mysterious boys made the performance even better. All three were handsome, that was undeniable. But your gaze was fixed on the boy in the plaid shirt and white t-shirt, unable to tear it away. 

There was something alluring about him, in the energy he gave off while playing his bass. And when he approached the boy in the beanie to sing with him, you were amazed. His voice, even if it wasn't as loud as the beanie boy’s, had the same power. A power that seemed not only to affect you, judging by how those who were around you reacted.

Besides, he knew how to connect so well with their public that it made you feel as if his gaze was fixed on you all the time, you thought.

Then suddenly and without warning they disappeared as soon as the song ended. 

Seeing how everyone gasped, puzzled, Julie decided to explain the situation. Those boys were holograms and the projector operation involved algorithms and science stuff.

Everyone seemed to agree with that explanation, bored by the technicalities of science. But Julie didn't count on the fact that someone would be very curious about the holograms and how they worked. That someone being you.

“Y/N, we should get going. As amazing as that was, everyone has started to leave.”

“I think I’m going to stay and ask Julie a few questions.” You told your best friend. 

“Like, c’mon. There’s a way you can connect with hot musicians and no one is interested in how to do that? Really, just me? Alright, then!” They smiled at your antics, shaking their head.

“You sure?” They asked, to make sure you would be fine going home alone.

“Positive.” You nodded your head, smiling back at them reassuringly.

It took you a couple more minutes, but you finally managed to get them to leave without them feeling guilty. By then the gym was already empty, except for the music teacher and the principal who were talking to Julie.

When they left you realized Flynn was there as well. She approached her best friend with a not so friendly expression. You preferred not to get in the way, stepping aside to give them privacy. 

It was hard not to hear their conversation. Thinking that there was no one left in the gym, they didn’t speak in a low tone, and the echo of that place increased the volume of their words. And still, you tried.

You were there when Flynn ran out, therefore when Julie ran after her. And you, without much choice, behind Julie. You would have felt really bad if after that scene you witnessed you hadn't tried to cheer her up. At least you wanted to apologise for overstepping and hearing their conversation. Even if you didn’t do that on purpose. 

You also had more questions than ever, that much was clear, but the main thing was to make sure Julie felt better after all that.

Dodging Nick you saw Julie in the distance, entering one of the classrooms. 

Accelerating your pace you managed to reach her. She was silent so you took that as the perfect opportunity to ask her if she was doing alright. 

But before you could step into the classroom she started screaming, scaring you to death and making you jump.

“You! Stop doing that! I’m serious.” You heard her say. You wondered who she would be talking to. That also made you decide that you wouldn't come out of your hide spot just yet. What if she had found Flynn and you ruined their moment? It would be better not to move, to avoid making any noise.

“Yeah, the whole school saw you. It’s kinda freaking me out.” She kept talking to apparently no one. Most likely with someone who spoke in a low voice, because from your hiding place you couldn’t hear any other voices. At that point you were pretty sure she wasn’t talking to Flynn. But still, you were in a compromising situation. If you came out of hiding, she would think you were spying on her. It would be better to just wait and hope she would end up leaving soon.

“Are you kidding? They loved us. That was a great song, Luke”. That’s when you realized she was talking to her hologram band.

You hoped you weren't interrupting anything important. But Julie seemed to be in a better mood and the facetime conversation you thought she was having could be the perfect ice breaker for your questions. Maybe you could even talk for a bit to the bassist who had caught your eye. It wasn’t every day that you had the opportunity to talk to three Swedish talented musicians. 

So you decided to pluck up your courage and entered the classroom.

“Julie…? Who are you talking to?” Reggie heard your voice fill with worry, as your eyes scanned the room. Then he thought about the big mess they were in. 

Julie tried to find a reasonable excuse, but you had heard too much. Both at the time and with the conversation she had had with Flynn, to know that she was lying to you.

“I’m sorry, it really isn’t any of my business. Just wanted to make sure you were alright. Had a few questions about that band of yours, as well. But again, none of my business, sorry.” You ended up shrugging your shoulders. Without looking for more answers. After all, it really wasn’t any of your business. And if she had fought her best friend for lying, you wouldn’t be the one to whom she ended up confessing. “But really, you doing alright?” You sounded concerned and they couldn’t help but feel some sympathy for you.

“Julie.” Reggie called her. “Could we… Maybe we can tell her?” He turned around to face his friends, with something that sounded similar to a plea in his voice.

“Dude, she’s so far out of your league.” Luke jokingly told him. “But if it makes you happy I say we tell her. What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“Besides everything, you mean?” Alex asked rhetorically. “But I have the feeling that whatever I say you're not going to listen to me, so…”

Julie was listening to them talk, wondering what was the best decision to make.

As Reggie watched your puzzled face, he thought about the possible questions that might had been going through your mind. What was going on? Why the sudden silence?

“Well, Y/N. I think it’s better that I tell you the truth, seeing the insistence of some.” Finally, Julie decided to speak. You seemed more and more confused, even a little offended by that last comment, but decided to let her finish talking. “Come to my house tomorrow afternoon. I’ll show you what all of this is about.”

Reggie could read the curiosity on your face. After so many days watching you, it wasn’t difficult for him to distinguish your emotions. Although, honestly, he was also curious and really excited to know what Julie had planned.

The next day passed quickly for the phantoms, but not for you. 

It was the weekend, so Reggie hadn’t been able to see you yet. He had spent the whole morning rehearsing and doing some breathing exercises. His new friend Google had told him it was a good way to keep calm.

You, on the other hand, were so eager to know the answers to your questions that as soon as the time agreed with Julie arrived you were already knocking on her door. More punctual than ever.

It took her two minutes to open the door for you. Not that Reggie was counting… Well, alright, he was counting. But he was impatient.

Since Julie had told them her idea he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it, about you. He had even dressed up for the occasion, wearing a white t-shirt with the In Utero logo on it. One of his favorites that had been left in Julie’s garage. 

He had combined it with his black leather jacket and ripped black pants. Black shoes and his red flannel shirt tied at the waist. His pendant clinking every time he moved, in a rather attractive way.

Julie (and Reggie, even though you couldn't see him) went to greet you at the door, smiling as soon as she saw you. She was a bit nervous, but determined.

“Let's go to the garage, what I want to show you is there.” She told you, impatient to get there. But Reggie couldn't blame her, he was feeling the same or even worse. “But first, do you want something to drink?” The ghost snorted, which earned him a bad look from Julie. He knew it was polite to offer something to your guests, but this wait was going to be the death of him once more.

“Not really, thanks, I'm fine. Nervous, but fine.” You let out a nervous chuckle, which made Reggie look at you enrapturedly. Julie just smiled with amusement, without saying a word to either of you about it.

Then she made you follow her to the garage. You looked around with curiosity, trying to figure out what she would like to show you. There were two pianos and a sofa there. Interesting objects, but still not enough to find out what was going through Julie’s head.

“I know this might sound a little bit crazy, Y/N.” She started. With that she managed to peak your interest, you were all about crazy.  “But… you remember those guys that were playing with me yesterday?”

“The cute hologram musicians? Sure.” You nodded your head, while laughing. It was hard to forget them, especially a certain bass player.

"Yes, I suppose I am talking about them." Julie tried to suppress a laugh with your answer, as she watched Reggie's face flush completely, before continuing to speak. "Let's just say they're not exactly holograms. And that… they might be listening to you right now."

Your eyes widened, as you felt a little embarrassed. But immediately curiosity took hold of you and you went back to searching the entire garage, looking for a mobile phone or any reasonable device. Finding nothing, you frowned, confused.

“What do you mean by that, Julie? I can’t find anything and I have been looking since we entered your garage.” Now you were focusing on her. You felt like she was going to tell you everything, whatever that was, and you wanted to be ready. 

“They are… ghosts.” She said slowly, trying not to scare you. “They are here, but you can only see them when we play together.”

It sounded like another one of her lies, like the one she had tried to tell you the day before in that classroom. But this one sounded so crazy, you thought it might be fun to go along with it. After all, if she had invited you to go there, it must have been to tell you something important, not to lie to you again. That ghost part could wait, you just wanted some answers.

“So they are musician ghosts?” You asked, still playing along. Julie could tell from your tone that you didn't quite believe it. But it was a matter of time, she thought. 

“Well, they say they prefer to be called musician spirits. But technically, yes.” Then she turned to what seemed to be the void and talked. “All right, guys. You ready?” 

You stayed silent, staring at her like she had grown a second head.

“Actually, can you sit there? Reggie needs some space to rock out and he feels kinda weird walking through you.” You nodded as you went to sit on the sofa that you had previously spotted, still not saying a word. You were starting to get worried, seeing as she had even named the ghosts. “You must have already noticed that there’s no plug or equipment that will produce a hologram. But you can double check, if you want.”

You shook your head. You didn't need to check anything, there definitely wasn't. But you still weren't sure what Julie’s plan was. So you kept quiet, just focusing on what she was telling you.

“We're going to play Bright one more time. It will be just like in high school, but this time you'll know the truth as well.” Julie was explaining everything to you with a smile, but Reggie thought it wasn't going to be like in high school at all. There they were alone, singing exclusively to you. As he ran his hand through his hair, in a gesture of sheer nervousness, he prayed that everything would go well. “Hope you like it.”

While Julie started to sing and play the piano, Reggie felt as Luke squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. He turned to see Alex, who offered him a small smile. This time he took notice of how his friends supported him and that made him gain a little self-confidence. He was ready.

Y/N had to suppress a scream as the ghosts appeared in front of her with their instruments. Any doubts that she might have had thus far had disappeared with the appearance of the three boys. There was no way to fake that. There was no logical explanation, but there was also no evidence that denied what she was seeing.

It all seemed crazy, just as Julie had told her at the beginning, but she had always wondered what happened after death. Finally accepting that she was surrounded by three ghosts, it was her chance to ask them all the questions she could think of. 

Besides, if ghosts were real she could always have had a worse encounter. 

But young, talented and handsome musician spirits? It definitely could have been worse.

Once she was no longer frightened, almost halfway through the song, she was able to allow herself to enjoy the melodic voice of the ghost that had caught her attention and admire the delicate way in which he played his bass.

At that moment she decided that ghost or not, she would like to listen to their entire setlist if she continued to see and listen to his voice that way. Besides, she had always loved that style of music. 

Reggie approached her, cautiously not to scare her and Y/N greeted him with what she hoped would look like a captivating smile. It seemed to work, as he immediately blushed.

“Hi, I’m Reggie.” He introduced himself with a goofy smile, while failing to look cool. Not that he needed to do so. She already found him adorable and that was way better than looking cool.

“Y/N. Nice to meet you, Reggie.” Reggie loved the way she pronounced his name. An angelic sound to his ears. “Love the shirt, by the way. In Utero, one of their best albums.”

 Reggie had to remember not to stop playing and to grip the bass tightly, because he almost dropped it in surprise. Y/N liked Nirvana. Would she loudly snore at night? Would she eat strange food combinations? He wondered. There was no way such a perfect girl could exist. 

After that exchange of words the rest of the band introduced themselves. Reggie and her talked until it got dark, while the band kept playing different songs so that she wouldn’t stop seeing him. 

It was hard having to say goodbye. In a single afternoon they had both connected with each other as they had never managed to do with anyone else.

Reggie was afraid he would never see her again. Or rather, that she would never see him again. It was on her to decide whether she wanted to or not, and that was what Reggie feared the most.

He had had such an awesome afternoon with her that he hadn't even considered never seeing each other again. But when it was time to say goodbye, all the doubts and insecurities suddenly overwhelmed him. Had she had an afternoon as pleasant as he had? Would she like to see him again?

"See you tomorrow? I'll get my bass. You still have to teach me how to play Livin' On A Prayer, I love that song."

All his doubts were dispelled when she gave him that warm smile, with which only she managed to warm him up inside.

And with that Reggie knew that he would continue to accompany her to class, although this time she would know. And he would send her notes, as he had recently learned to do. 

They would also keep organizing small concerts for as long as she wanted, just so they could see each other. 

It might not be perfect, nor ideal, but it would be one day. Meanwhile they would figure ways to make it work.

At the moment Reggie was happier than ever. He never imagined that he would end up getting to know the girl of his dreams. Much less that she would also end up being interested in getting to know him.

As he grinned to himself, while walking her home, he couldn’t help himself but wonder: how did we end up here?

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

🗣Tues 15 Dec ‘20🙊

Anyone order their daily with EXTRA DISCOURSE today? Lucky you, I guess, I'd send it back to the kitchen if I had the option but this is more a 'you'll take what you get and like it' kind of establishment so here we are! EAT UP we got Liam and Lou Teasdale making everyone mad, Louis and Harry's teams forgetting they're supposed to be mortal enemies, and Zayn?? Getting papped?? Omg is Z3 really coming this time? I've been burned so many times before (flown too close to the sun) but what if....... So first Gigi and zaby stroller were papped, then Zayn was papped in his usual way-- 'if you can get a good picture of me in the seconds it takes me to walk from my front door to the car have at it, that's exactly all you get'-- and then a fan reported seeing Zigi and zaby at a pizza restaurant. Zayn's hair is bleached white blond and that's about all I can tell you except that Z NEVER gets papped (or spotted really) for nothing so I am excite!!

Liam's back! He did the postponed-from-last-Tues hour long live for Stand Up To Cancer (and raised $16k!) and he's got a show in two days so I'd say his extremely brief breather is probably done with, whether he got the time he needed to be happy about coming back or not. He seems in good shape for the live though, even if he does say “its been a really long day, you don't even know, REALLY long” and that what he wants most for Christmas is “to have a little bit of time to reflect.” But he says he is going to take some time out and go away and write music “for the first time in a very long time,” in the new year, nice! He mentions how he went up to Sweden for recording recently and says it ”went really well I'm really really excited” about the new music and, uhhh, “got something sent through from Mick Fleetwood while I was over in Sweden writing, some guitar stuff, which was amazing, and he was dressed like santa at the time!” I...what??? I'll just... leave that there?? About other bands, he says that he's become a big fan of the Wanted over time, that “someone Zayn-ed out,” of Little Mix but “Zayn left for pretty much the same reasons and I do feel for them,” and “are 5SOS still together? Did they pull an us I thought they pulled an us?” He said yes, it's so great about Louis' show, and “it was great, and do you know what, like listening through those lyrics, it’s really nice to hear the truth in his music because obviously I mean I know all of the full story about him, and [pause].. and uh... his relationship with his girlfriend and whatever else,” SKLDYSSKKJ.

This long live also had him responding to screen comments he would usually ignore (though thank GOD he only reads but doesn't answer 'what happened with Niall in Japan' please tell me the questioner wasn't trying to get him to comment on the 'violently masturbating' story), anyway so we got Liam on touching his hair if larry is real-- “of course that's not going to happen don't be silly,” and on whether he thinks 'larry is disrespectful' “sometimes I do... actually that's not true, all the time I do.” Well he's not wrong though I'd expand that to 'all the fans' but if I had to wade through a million “touch your nose if larry is real” comments every time I was promoting my own material, for ten years, I'd probably get tetchy too! He didn't say it was or wasn't real, as he himself pointed out he never WILL do that for REASONS; tbh I'm with Liam can people PLEASE stop being so embarrassing on main and let him live? ANYWAY, moving on, his Advent Alarm clock today is the sleep story edited down to be just Liam laughing for like 30 seconds, aka the exact edit that I suggested they should make a couple weeks ago, which I find frankly extremely alarming (ALARMing HA) are they... listening to me?? Well if Liam's management are looking for ideas BOY HAVE I GOT SOME FOR THEM hit me up fellas PLEASE.

Harry and Louis both announced further postponements of their UK and Europe tour shows, like really the same announcement and just fully back to back, I can only assume that after weeks of intensive hashing out to match up dates their teams have arrived at some kind of plan and were like cool let's announce! Louis has added some new shows, while Harry's new schedule is undisclosed as yet. Harry says “I really hope to play these shows and will have news for you in the new year on when they will take place.” Louis' new dates include previously omitted countries (Iceland! Austria!), and those tickets go on sale Friday. Harry did not respond to Rob Sheffield's awkward attempt to link Watermelon Sugar and WAP as being similar but he did like Megan Thee Stallion's post celebrating her successful year, and Vulture ranked Adore You in its top 5 videos of the year with a much better take on what Harry is all about, saying that it “highlights one of the singer’s best traits: his willingness to be delightfully weird.” Kid Harpoon said that he and Harry “wrote a song in Japan that may yet see the light of the day,” and Harry continues to roast him, disputing his songwriter of the year award-- “they found 8,000,000 opposing ballots in a bin behind his house! FRAUD!”

And last but most discourse-y-est of all, The Sun made waves today, pulling the most salacious parts of a Lou Teasdale interview with the Sex, Lies and DM Slides podcast from last week and bringing it to wider attention. In the interview she talked at length about systemic discrimination against women working in the music industry and her own work experiences, which naturally include (very briefly) touching on her highest profile job- the years she spent traveling with 1D. In this context she says “you kind of can’t sleep with them [the band]- it’s quite important to keeping your job... some people would come in and like you know assistants and stuff and I think they would really think... that it was love and obviously it’s not,” and “it’s just the quickest way to lose your job- because then they’ve got a new girlfriend and she’s there and they don’t want you in the room.” She did not sell her story to The Sun she mentioned this in passing as part of an interview about her work experiences; she herself says, “I didn’t do an interview [with] the sun. I’ve never done that. I did a podcast with friends about loads of things.”

There is nothing remotely unlikely in this story, either in the concept that members of the band slept with girls casually (we know that certain of them did and there isn't even anything wrong with that in a situation of consent, the denial of it is as bizarre as scribbling out the beer bottle in a 28 year old man's hand), or that low level members (“assistants and stuff”) of the 150 person+ crew appeared and disappeared on a regular basis. The band were, to my guess, probably simply not paying very much attention to the serious ramifications of this carelessness and the consequences rather than demanding that people be fired, but I do very much hope they've learned over the years to be responsible for the kind of power that they have over other peoples' lives (something I really doubt they understood the extent of yet as very young people being dragged from one place to another who felt powerless themselves).

[lovelybnhaimagines]

Youngblood

Summery: You and Bakugo had just broken up, and you are in pain because of it. Your friends try to make you feel better, but the memories of your relationship haunt you. You didn't know what to do

Notes:Hey guys! I wrote this on the side of my other works. I was listening to Youngblood by 5SOS and was heavily inspired to write this fic. You should listen to it while reading. Or before. Or after. It might be a little f!reader, but I tried to keep in GN

Pairing: Bakugo/Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Drinking, Unhealthy Relationship

You don’t remember how many days it’s been since you and Bakugo broke up. Your heart still hurts every time you look at the photos you’ve taken. The clothes he left at your apartment still smell like him.

The words that were said still stung. You tried not to think about it.

After mopping in your bed, you got up to see one of your favorite photos on your dresser. You went to the beach with Bakugo.

“Katsuki! Quit moving. If I don’t apply it all, you’re going to get sunburnt!”

“Yeah, yeah I know.” He was grumpy. Bakugo didn’t really care for the beach, but he saw how excited you were for the trip, “You sure you want to hang out here?”

“Of course! We can collect seashells, and we can play in the water,” you finish rubbing the sunscreen on his skin. The shade protected you until you ventured out to begin your vacation. Even though he didn’t want to be here, he followed you pretty quickly.

You walked across the shoreline picking up every pretty shell that you saw. You remembered a crab being under one of those shells, and you freaked out, running to Bakugo for protection. He got a smirk on his face, picked up the crab, and began to chase you with it.

“Katsuki, stop it!” You laughed through your panting breath. You knew he wouldn’t really let the crab hurt you, but this is just how he was. One minute he’d be grumpy and unenthusiastic about anything; but with you, it was different. Bakugo was sweet and playful.

He dropped the crab and sprinted. He was faster than you, so he caught up. You were swept off your feet, being held in his arms. You were surprised thus you let out a shriek. It quickly became laughter though.

“That’s not funny, Katsuki,” You hit him on his chest, but he just shook his head.

“Your too cute in your bathing suit for me not to pick you up and cuddle.” You blushed. Though you didn’t know he walked into the ocean until the warm water hit your legs.

By the time you realized, he threw you in.

“Katsuki!” You were playfully mad, and you started to splash water at him.

“This is childish.”

“You’re the one who started it.”

The rest of the day was filled with the same kind of fun and excitement. You ate at so many good restaurants and went to the carnival. He got you a bear to which you said it looked like him. A big ol grumpy bear.

You still had it.

You place the photo back on the dresser, trying to suppress the memory of being with him.

You heard your phone ding, and you saw that it was from Mina.

You still doing ok?

It sucked that she was still in Bakugo’s friend group. So was all of your friends. Even though they would still be friends with him, you didn’t want to lose them.

Yeah, I think so

Well, you want to go out tonight?

Will Bakugo be there?

Of course not! It’ll be just us and everyone else. We just want to cheer you up.

That sounded like fun. It might help you take your mind off of Bakugo. Sending a text back to Mina, you threw your phone on the bed. After a couple of days, you finally took your first shower.

After finally trying to get the depression off of you, you put fresh clothes on yourself. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you saw your eyes were still red and puffy. There wasn’t anything you could do about it, and you fought back tears already. Bakugo would be here to tell you how sexy you looked. It didn’t matter what you wore. He would tell it to you every time.

Rubbing your eyes, you went into the kitchen and finally ate your first healthy meal in a while, reliving your stomach from digesting terrible food.

For once, you started to feel better.

--

You met up with Mina in front of the bar. She waved you down. Walking over to her, you gave her a big hug. It felt like an eternity, but it had only been a few days. You gave small talk, mainly telling her you were alright. It was a half-truth and a half-lie.

Walking in, you saw familiar faces that made you smile: Kirishima, Kaminari, and Sero.

“Hey guys! It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, I know. Long time no see,” Kirishima gave you a comforting hug. Kaminari and Sero gave you a pat on the back. You and Mina sat next to them on their left. You looked over at Kaminari, and he looked panicked, like he was scared the world was about to end.

“Hey Kaminari, you’ve missed me that much? Why do you look like I’m about to bite you?”

“Because you are.” A familiar voice that made your heart drop to your stomach. It was Bakugo that came back from what you presumed the bathroom, “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Kaminari!” Mina shouted also panicked.

“I thought we were meeting up with (y/n) on another night!”

“No, it’s fine. Me and Bakugo can be civil about this.”

“Yeah, fucking right, you’ll just break down and cry. Just like you did at everything else.”

You bite your lip, trying to hold back venomous words. His face made you sick, and you felt like you were about to vomit.

“We can go to another bar!” Mina said trying to save it.

“No, I want to hang out with my friends. It’ll be his fault if we have a bad night.”

“Whatever bitch.” It stung. The Bakugo you knew would never call you that. You guessed people do change.

You both sat back at the bar. It became awkward; no one said anything. The bar tender asked what you wanted.

“A dirty shirley, please.”

“I see you still drink that shitty drink.”

“Why don’t you shut up for once?”

“Guys!” Kirishima interjected this time, “Hey, have you seen that new superhero movie? All Might is such a great character.”

That seemed to steer the conversation away from an argument. You turned to Mina, and the group became segregated. You only talked to her for most of the night, but you could still hear Bakugo’s voice. You missed it so much.

--

“Thank you for bringing me out tonight Mina; I had a good time.” A lie. You wanted to go back to your apartment and just break down in bed again. Going out was a mistake.

“Yeah,” Mina didn’t sound convinced, “hey, why don’t we go shopping tomorrow? Get away from these boys.” She said the last line jokingly, but a part of you didn’t want to leave the boys tonight.

“Sure.”

“Yay, girls day!” Kaminari jokingly said, pretending as if he was going with you.

“Why would you want to go with her?” Bakugo finally pushed you over the edge.

“Why don’t you get your head out of your ass and act normally?”

“I am acting normally. You’re the one who’s too sensitive. Always upset about something.”

“You’re insulting me! You think I’ll take that lying down.”

“You take a lot of stuff lying down.” You saw red when he saw that. You walked over and slapped him across the face.

“Shut the fuck up Bakugo!” He looked at you. You could tell he was more upset about you calling him by his last name. You quickly walked out of the bar with Mina following you. There was someone else following you.

“Why the fuck are you still here?” It was Bakugo, following you into the street, “Why do you have to hang out with my friends? Oh wait, you’re too much of a bitch to make more friends.”

“I don’t know why they’re still friends with you. You’re nothing but a big dick who doesn’t have a single ounce of empathy.”

You turned around to walk away from the bar, wanting to anywhere but there. The tears were already falling down your cheek. Your voice was starting to crack and waver.

“I don’t even know why you’re still here if I hurt you that much.” You stopped at that line and turned around to face Bakugo. His face was softer, “Tell me to fuck off. You want me out of your life”

You couldn’t. You wanted him to be here with you.

“Or tell me you want me back in your life.” You started to breath heavy, unable to get any words out. You didn’t know how to answer.

“Figures,” Bakugo walked away at your lack of response. You crumbled to the ground, squatting down with your head in your hands. Mina was quick to comfort you; the sound of her high heels brought you out of your anxiety attack.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” She said helping you to stand up. She called a taxi and both of you got in.

The tears finally stopped. You were able to see the passing streetlights on the way back to your apartment.

Mina walked up with you and helped you get ready for bed. She tried to find a t-shirt that wasn’t Bakugo’s, but she was having a hard time. Finally, she settled on this shirt you got from high school. It was a little tighter than it used to be, but it was the only thing you could wear.

“Give me a call if anything happens. I’m only a phone call away. I’ll come get you in the morning so we can go to the mall.” Mina leaned down to give you a kiss on the forehead. It was comforting. Bakugo used to do it to you.

She left. For now, she had Bakugo’s spare key to make sure she could check on you.

You rolled around your bed, before you checked your phone. It was apologies from the rest of the group. They thought you would hang out with them another night and should’ve remined Mina. You responded to each of them so they wouldn’t worry about you.

You scrolled down social media and got a dumb idea. You scrolled down Bakugo’s, trying to find something to give you closure. It didn’t. You saw he didn’t even change his relationship status. You knew he didn’t use it much, but it still surprised you that he hasn’t put it to single.

You fell asleep, only to wake up to your phone ring. You must’ve fallen asleep with it in your hands.

It was Bakugo’s number. You’re heart became elated that he called you.

“What do you want?” You said, cursing yourself for sounding a bit to mean.

There was some silence. You could hear people in what sounded like a bar. Bakugo must not have left. You checked the time, seeing that a couple of hours have passed.

“Hello? What do you want?” You asked again, hoping to get a response this time.

“Nothing.” The word was slurred, then the line disconnected.

Your heart deflated. You couldn’t even cry more than you already had that night.

--

You arrived at the mall. Mina tried her hardest to make you happier. She would take you to a store that sold bath bombs, and you bought some that smelt nice. Ones that didn’t remind you of Bakugo.

Eventually, you ended up at one of Mina’s favorite department stores. It was a nice one, where someone was actually playing a piano in the store. Mina picked out some clothes out and dragged you to the dressing room where she promptly went in to try some of the dresses.

“Isn’t this cute?” Mina said coming out of the dressing room with a sundress on. You nodded in agreement. She tried to give you clothes for you to try on, but her efforts were futile.

She noticed that you still weren’t happy. Going back to take the clothes off, she came back out to clasp your hands in hers, “Why don’t we get some ice cream? We can get wine on the way back to your apartment?”

You nodded your head. You felt bad for staying quiet the entire trip to the mall.

You both walked to the food court and wait in line to get some ice cream. Mina was talking to you (or you should say at you).

In a moment, your heart stopped. You saw Bakugo, and you could say what you wanted to say to him. When you turned around, it wasn’t him.

“What’s wrong?”

You shook your head at a worried Mina, “It’s nothing.”

It wasn’t nothing. You kept seeing him in the strangers around you, causing you to feel like you’ve gone crazy.

You both decided to grab the ice cream to go and grab wine in the convenience store by the mall.

You tried to make small talk, but your words felt superficial.

They felt empty once more.

When you got back to the apartment, you both decided to order a pizza, watch shitty chick flicks, and cuddle under a fuzzy blanket. It was comforting.

So was the wine. Mina got a big bottle of it, and you kept drinking glass after glass.

“Hey, shouldn’t you slow down?” Mina’s voice was full of concern. You shrugged your shoulders in response.

“Maybe I should, but it’s nice,” you said. It finally gave you a nice, fuzzy feeling in your core. It was something other than pain.

Eventually it got too much, the pain came back full force, and you became a crying mess. You fell down into Mina’s lap wailing.

“Why doesn’t he want me anymore? Why does he hate me now?” You screamed. Mina just petted your hair, trying to give some comfort, “I want him so bad.”

“I know baby,” she said; her voice was full of concern, “No more wine for you. I should put you to bed.”

And that’s what she did. Once more, she put you to bed, but this time she stayed with you. It wasn’t unusual for her to stay over and sleep in your bed. The place where Bakugo used to sleep.

Your eyes that were sore started to close. You felt yourself sleep but not dream.

When you woke up, it was still dark. You felt more oriented and aware. The alcohol must have worn off. Your phone read it was around 2AM. You didn’t want to disturb Mina, so you left the bedroom.

When you saw the bottle, you were surprised how much you drank and how you weren’t sick right now.

You sat down on the couch, covering yourself with the fuzzy blanket that was left there.

You took your phone to scroll down your social media feed. There were so many pictures of your friends who were in happy relationships, but you kept seeing Bakugo’s face. No matter what photo, he was there.

The pain kept coming back to stab your heart. You felt like you were bleeding out. You then remembered that Bakugo called you yesterday.

Mina would be so upset, but you clicked his name to dial him back. You kept hearing rings and then voice mails. You kept calling, over and over.

Finally, you got an answer.

“Yes?” He was fully awake and didn’t sound concern.

“I miss you.” Was all you said, then he hung up on you. You expected as much.

--

“Well, I gotta go to work,” Mina said holding your hands. You both were standing in the archway of the entrance to your apartment, “Will you be ok?”

“Yeah, I will be.” Another lie. Even though she didn’t look convinced, she left. You closed the door and fell on the couch, burying your head in one of the cushions. Instead of good memories like the other day, you remembered the fight that started this all.

Bakugo tried to love on you. He was kissing your neck. You enjoyed it, but you didn’t want it to go where he wanted it to go.

“Hey Katsuki,” you started. He gave a hum in response, letting you know he was listening, “Can we do this another night?”

He got off you and rolled his eyes, sitting up. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” His voice sounded annoyed. You furrow your brows, getting frustrated yourself.

“It’s obviously not nothing. What’s wrong?” Your voice was stern. Sitting up on the couch, you looked at him with intent. He stayed silent, “Goddamn it Katsuki, out with it.”

“’Out with it’” he mocked you, “Why do you always need to know why I’m frustrated? You should be able to figure it out yourself.”

“Well sorry I want clarity. Is this over sex?”

“Fuck no. I just hate you never thinking about me. You always pry at me when you need something. You need me for this. You need me for that.” He motioned his hands to match his words, “Do you ever ask what I want?”

You didn’t realize that you hadn’t. “That doesn’t mean I don’t care Katsuki.”

“I know you care, but my god isn’t it fucking annoying,” he got up off the couch to storm off. You followed him.

“Where are you going?”

“Isn’t obvious, I’m in the bedroom.” You felt more warmth building in your body, feeling it warmest and tightest in your core.

“I know that, but why are you walking away from me?”

“You want to know everything don’t you. You can’t figure anything out for yourself?” Your mouth slacked open not knowing how to respond. He paced around the room, running his hands through his hair.

“At least I care,” you started shouting, “What’s wrong with you Katsuki?”

“Sometimes I just want to be left alone, but no you have to come follow my ass like puppy.”

You started feeling tears well up in your eyes, “Are you calling me a dog?”

“No, I just-“ He clenched his fists, “You just don’t understand me.”

“I do understand-“

‘No you fucking don’t. You’re only concerned about what you want in this relationship. Maybe I should compare you to a dog, because you’re a bitch!”

“You’re calling me a bitch? Why don’t you look at yourself in the mirror and see what a massive dick you’re being?” Your voice was starting to break. You felt pins and needles in your arms, shaking them unconsciously as well, “I put a lot of care in this relationship. And you’re saying I don’t?”

“You know what, you don’t. I’ve been telling you that you only care about yourself, and look what you do. You’re only concerned about you.”

“Oh my god, you keep blaming me. You’re the one who started this all!”

“No, it was you! You’re the one who chased after me, thinking you could solve this now.”

The tears were now falling down your cheeks, and your jaw started to clench. “I care about this relationship. You think I want this to fall apart.” Your words were said through your teeth.

“Yes, I actually think you fucking do.” Bakugo shouted even more. You’re sure your neighbors were going to put in a noise complaint in the morning, “I do most of the work in this relationship, and you just pretend everything is ok. You didn’t even notice how I was fucking feeling this entire time. You were just in your own little world. You know why, cause you’re a bitch, and you’ll always be one.”

You walked up to him and smacked him across the face; he then grabbed your arms and pinned you against the door, “You think you’re so tough?”

You spit on his face, and that was it. He stormed out and never came back.

You wished you could take it all back. You wish you could do it over.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. You open it to see Bakugo.

“Kat- I mean, Bakugo, what are you doing here?” He looked annoyed and started to lean against the door frame.

“You called me last night. Well, I’m here.” His words were softer than you expected.

“Well, I don’t know what to say-“ you started.

“You’re the one who said you missed me.” He didn’t look you in the eye, “So what do you want?”

You didn’t know what to say. He mumbled something under his breath and started to walk away. You panicked.

“Wait! Don’t go.” You reached out to him. He came back and looked you in the eye.

“What do you want?” he repeated. You swallow the knot that developed in your throat.

“I don’t know.”

“Then it’s over.” He said walking away again. This time, he didn’t come back.

You closed the door and cried about your relationship finally being over for good

[1ddotdhq]

🏴‍☠️Sat 31 Oct ‘20🎃

Harry is sending out 150 Golden postcards (they appear to be numbered out of a batch of 150) from the Golden website! They all have the Amalfi Coast on the front, “You’re so Golden” written on them, and are signed, “ <3 HARRY”. Look, I thought that LOUIS had trouble with hearts, but Harry’s are, uh, somehow worse. It’s been gleefully pointed out that fans have been selling postcards for Harry’s singles for the last few months, and that Harry once again seems to be looking to us for promo ideas! Hey, if it works, it works, and if Harry wants to send me a postcard I’d LOVE it hahaha. Niall is taking a page out of Liam’s book and is rehearsing his show - which is in ONE WEEK (!) - and his band members continue to post pictures of their rehearsals. Love that! But lest you think it's a slow news day aside from Liam NO-- Zayn posted his annual halloween look!! A zelfie!!! Less elaborate than past years, maybe he's not getting enough sleep for some reason, but amazing (amazayn) nonetheless: he's angled downwards, pulling a funny face, with his freshly buzzed hair, earrings, and a Slytherin tie over a white shirt captioned, “Happy Halloween from Slytherin”. Liam’s chat when the picture dropped: “Zayn have you SLITHERED IN HERE???” Hope he enjoyed Tom and Liam's show...

And on to the main event: Liam has DONE IT AGAIN!! Despite some wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff with the event time (it started one hour and ten minutes later than planned), once Liam got started, nobody could drag him down! Lola Young, Carly Gibert, and Tom Felton were all charming openers, and, because of their very different styles, they all brought something new to the table. Then Liam, broadcasting from the London Dungeons (a spooky tourist attraction), started the show trapped in a cage (so HE’S the cage dancer this time!). The songs he chose from his own discography were ghoulish and grim and surrounding the topic of, uh, life and death. It did seem to be intentional, though, as this all led up to a moment when a masked guard led Liam out of the concert and into a bloody tribunal, where they accused him of “crimes against fashion” and “being a bad bandmate”. They had fans on zoom playing the prosecutor and defense. He was acquitted of the first crime after a fierce defense from a fan, but after a long list of joking accusations of him being mean to the other boys (it felt uncomfortably like a normal day on twitter, but Liam says no fighting about it!), the prosecutor convicted him (was I outraged?? YES! I WAS!), and the sentence was DEATH. Liam then did a bit of a costume change: he went from Jack Sparrow to ZOMBIE PIRATE, ie added some uncomfortable contacts ("guys I can't see anything").Then he came back to finish his set with Billie Eilish and 5SOS covers, and SEVERAL One Direction songs: Live While We're Young, Drag Me Down, One Thing, What A Feeling (can you believe this is only the SECOND TIME a member of 1D has performed it live? AMAZING!), and a cool personalized version of Midnight Memories (“the opening number has now become the closing number”).

And then the Afterparty!! Liam, as promised, involved MUA Abby Roberts in picking his Halloween makeup looks, the winner being a fantastically scary writing of “Liam Payne” on a fan’s face that was made to look like mottled scar tissue - UGH what an INCREDIBLE look! He also pulled up his “accusers” on zoom, told fans that it was all in good fun and to not send any hate, and admitted that he also felt bad for pantsing Harry. But, he insisted, it’s not his fault! Louis dared him to do it! And, as everyone knows, no one in that band was allowed to back down from a dare. Abby Roberts admitted to being a 1D fan - she even visited some popups! - and videographer Conor also spilled that he first met Liam at a 1D meet and greet. Liam thought this was the best thing, and reminisced about being at the very dungeon he was in ten years prior for Halloween with the (then brand new and still on the X Factor) band. A crew member then managed to scare up (heh) a picture, which was sweet and nostalgic, which was true of a lot of the show! Personally, this has been my favorite LP Show, and Liam has really raised the bar for what online shows can and should be.

Of course, like with all good parties, there was an AFTER afterparty, where he spilled some more tea! He streamed live on Tik Tok - is it time for me to concede and get a Tik Tok??? Sigh, the things I do for these boys. In his after afterparty, he answered some more questions about himself and the boys. He said he was glad to have done a show on the anniversary of the last One Direction show (sad), that he wrote several songs with Louis that have not been released, notable HideAway and even sung a bit of it: “Something in the way she moves...we just have to hide away”. He also said that he saw Harry last year at the Jingle Ball and that he had a slight American accent (“he said ‘AHND’ that way”), that his phone bill would be huge if he called Louis right now (hmmmmm), and that even if he DID call to prank him, Louis would just swear anyways, which was not what they were going for. Awwww, friendship!

[twopoppies]

Ohh I love these discussions about fics and different fics across time and fandom etc so here are the first two things that come to my mind. For context, I'm a newbie larry so it's barely a year since I've been in the fandom and reading fics (many many fics).

It's funny to see who are chosen as background characters across the years: little mix, 5sos, ed sheeran, beards and girlfriends (eleanor, taylor, perrie, sophia, barbara!), xander nick ben and company, straight up OC etc

Now, more related to what you were talking about with the other anon: I'm aro and I think it may be a reason to why I'm not super fond of soulmates and fate stuff, because how does it works?? Where do that connection come from? Whyyyy?? Show me why they work as a couple, don't tell!

HOWEVER, the thing is, we really have amazing writers in this fandom. And there are so many fics I have read that really show them falling in love and being in love and going through angst but eventually discussing things and trusting each other and working together and becoming a team and CHOOSING EACH OTHER EVERYDAY (everytime someone says this sentence here when talking about long relationships and lasting love I'm like yes yes yes). Even in fics that are soulmates fate-y or very angsty because of miscommunication.

You know there is always this typical story that often feels like oh they met, oh they hate each other / they can't be together / oh they are ex but oh they kiss and fuck and they love each other and would die for each other but oh there is drama oh they break oh they are getting together oh no oh why are you even together do you love each other or do you just have sexual tension??? (I don't know if this makes sense lol). While here there are so many fics that have the angsiest shit and I'm still like yeah that makes sense they have to get back together and most importantly! There is always a moment where they finally talk.

And I'm thinking about what you just said, like how we think about them or what they say in their songs: deep love and miscommunications but also trust and comfort.

That got so loooong I'm so sorry I got excited and I'm not even sure it makes any sense.

Yeah, I think there are some writers who really understand how to write the complexity of relationships and human psychology and they make it make sense! For me, there's nothing worse than when characters fight or get together for no reason. I want to feel it, I love authors who let their readers get in there and understand what makes these characters tick so they're along for the journey.

As for side characters over time, yes! I was saying to someone the other day that I'm surprised Harris Reed hasn't really shown up in any fics yet. I've read a few with Steve Aoki. But the ones you mention are the ones I've seen the most often.

in reference to this

[allsassnoclass]

2021 Writing Self-Evaluation

Hello all! I saw this tag game in another fandom and thought some writers in this corner (including me) might enjoy it!  My answers got kind of long so lots of them are under the keep reading!

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: as of tonight, 30 for this year!

2. Word count posted for the year: 132,751 on ao3, but if I add everything I solely posted on tumblr this year as well the total is 181,198 (i wrote a lot more prompt fics than i thought!!! wowza!!!!)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: 5sos, 911, One Direction, All Time Low

4. Pairings: mashton, malum, cashton, lashton, muke, roylum, mirry, zouis, jalex, 5sos ot4, and buddie on ao3, but i also did a cake prompt on tumblr!

5. Story with the most Kudos/Bookmarks/Comments: kudos are my two buddie fics, lighthouse in the storm and One True Thing, but coming in third is Kiss Me (x3)!  For bookmarks it’s the same but with the first two swapped, and for comment threads we have 1. One True Thing, 2. if we make it through december, and 3. unmute

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): if we make it through december!!!! this fic is my longest one so far, and i’m really, really proud of the quality.  i think i did a good job being intentional with my storytelling, and i think the writing style worked for the story, plus i pulled off a nice extended metaphor!  i’m planning on doing a director’s cut for it to talk about it more, but i’m also really proud of myself simply for finishing it early and giving it time to rest before i edited!  it was my nano project and i Struggled some days, but ultimately the fic got finished and turned out great.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): i’m proud of all of my works in different ways and i don’t really want to focus on negatives, but i really wish i had gotten further in unmute.  i initially didn’t want to go over a month without updating, and that definitely isn’t what happened and i honestly feel really bad and unhappy about it.  the story itself is good, but it’s really not good for reader engagement to go this long between updates, and honestly it feels like this fic is hanging over my head at every moment. the thought that i might still be writing it in a year is not a happy one to me

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: honestly, every review of if we make it through december has been really nice.  i didn’t expect anyone to cry! and five people told me they did! jess also simply said “absolutely no words” which was neat, and team said “this story changed me” which was also neat.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: there were a few for different reasons!  during the summer, i just genuinely had no time to do it, which was upsetting because i wanted to, but circumstances weren’t letting me. i started bringing a little notebook around with me so i could write fic at work while the kids were doing arts and crafts.  i also struggled the two weeks before halloween.  i had the halloween fic event to complete, and it was a Struggle to do so.  I simply didn’t have the right combination of the time-inspiration-motivation triangle, but I had to get the story out

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: i wasn’t really expecting to write zouis, but they snuck in there right at the end! OH ALSO THE FIRST ROYLUM FIC WAS THIS YEAR. that was on january 3 i think. when i woke up on that day i did not anticipating writing roylum but i did! and i also wrote another one for them later!

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: i really like the third to last scene of if we make it through december, but i can’t copy/paste it without spoiling things.  i’m also really bad at picking favorite excerpts.  i have a few that i like but otherwise i think most of my stuff is neutral-good

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: honestly, i churned out a lot of words this year! i think i got better at persisting in my writing.  i know that quantity shouldn’t be my focus, but i have so many ideas that i want to write, and it frustrates me that not all of them will get written, so it makes me happy when i do write a lot!  i think i also have stretched different writing muscles this year, branching out a bit more with what i write (whether it’s pairing, genre, or trope) and i like that.  i also honestly have gotten a lot better at not comparing myself to others. there are other writers who are more popular than me and that’s just how it is! and there are writers who are able to produce a lot more (and longer) work than me and that’s also just how it is!  and i can’t let myself be too upset when specific works of mine don’t get traction. this is something that i still struggle with, but i’ve gotten better at it this year, and i hope to keep getting better next year!

13. How do you hope to grow next year: besides not comparing myself to other people, i want to stretch even more muscles!!! write more different tropes and different pairings (like a non-ficmas muke on my ao3!!! i want that to happen!)!! versatility! i also would like to be a little bit gentler on myself when it comes to my writing productivity.  i shouldn’t let how much i write dictate how much i’m enjoying writing. also, i’m not sure this is exactly an area for growth, but i would love to write all the prompts sitting in my inbox right now and be able to clear that

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): I’ve really enjoyed @squishmichael and @lukemichaelcalumashton’s presence this year!  It’s really nice having two writers who also love the pairings that i do to a high degree, and taylor and monse are both very supportive and leave very nice comments :)  i’ve also really enjoyed talking through aus with @igarbagecannoteven!!! megs is a great sounding board and i love talking through ideas with her, plus she’s typically one of my earliest kudos on a work and i really like seeing her ao3 handle in my kudos notifications <3

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: yeah, lots of little things that i probably can’t remember! i stole some inspiration from a rough day at my job for this installment of college mashton, and i sometimes sprinkle little real life things in my writing (like luke’s family shoveling his neighbor’s sidewalk because she’s elderly in if we make it through december, or luke’s socks in the cake prompt).

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: you do genuinely get better with practice!  keep writing! try different tropes and styles!  but also, it’s a good idea to do some reading, too, which i know is what everyone says, but i get into a writing mode and then don’t read anything (fic or novels) for weeks.  it’s good to remind yourself what other people’s writing sounds like, especially if they’re a professional, because it can show you some elements that you might want to improve or add to your own writing

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I have a single parent au that i need to finish by may! i really enjoy single parent aus and this one will be relatively easy i just haven’t worked on it for a few months.  I also am excited about the mashton dance au!!!!! i have a particular fake dating fic that i’d love to write, and i think it’d be very cool if i managed to finish the ghost au finally.  i also might not finish unmute (in an ideal world i definitely would, but i’m also trying to be realistic), but i hope i get to a particular chapter that i’ve been looking forward to writing since i started outlining.  looking at this list i don’t know if all of these will get done but i think it sure would be cool if they did!

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. there’s a lot of awesome writers in this corner of tumblr so i hope to see this on my dash a lot, but for now i tag anyone who wants to do it, @clumsyclifford, @daydadahlias, @squishmichael, @lukemichaelcalumashton, @igarbagecannoteven and @lifewasradical to start out (only if you guys want to!)

[suchalonelysunflower]

Babylon (l.h)

End Up Here -Part 5

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x 5sos! Fem! Reader

Summary: A lot has happened and too many things were left unsaid. Even after a month they still find ways to be in each others mind.

Warnings: Angst and smut. Mentions of vioence, physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse, harassment, cheating, fighting, sexism, frustrations, alcohol. Language and some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word count : 10.1 k

Author’s Note: I cried a lot writing this, so I’m sorry. Final Part coming up March 16th! Remember that Reblogs, Feedback, Comments and Likes are very important! You have no idea how much they help me ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻✨

My Materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

Series Materialist || part 1 || part 2 || part 3 || part 4

Liked by banksmadden, 5soslover55 and 1,750,316 others

yn5sos how did I end up here?

View all 55,432 comments

ashtonirwin who’s there with you?

hater7 pathetic

ynfan2 LEAVE HER ALONE PLEASE

5sosfan9 this is so irresponsible. I thought you were better.

↪️ yn5sos me too

*

“OUT OF CONTROL: Singer Y/N L/N seeing partying once again after the concert. L/N was last seen with a crowd of people, none of which were her bandmates” 

“Sensitive, are we? On their last concert, Y/N L/N from the band 5 Seconds of Summer was caught running away from the stage mid-show, leaving her poor bandmates Calum Hood and Michael Clifford to finish the song for her. L/N came back minutes later to finish the show. Videos show the singer crying along to the love songs” 

“5SOS BREAKING UP? SINGER Y/N L/N GOING M.I.A ON BAND’S SOCIAL MEDIA LEAVES FANS CONFUSED AND WORRIED” 

*

“Y/N?!” Ashton kept banging at the door. His patience ran thin as the girl refused to answer “Y/N! C’mon!” 

“She’s still not answering?” A voice called behind him. 

Calum and Michael were already dressed up, ready for another day of interviews in a foreign language. Ashton assumed that the girls were already downstairs waiting for them. 

The older man shook his head, frustration clear on his face as he kept banging on the door like it was his drums. 

“Y/N, I will break down the door if you don’t open it!” 

It wasn’t an empty promise. They could pay the hotel after but he’d be damned if something happens to Y/N. 

She hasn’t been herself since Luke left. When they came back from doing promo that day they were met with the news of him leaving. Y/N didn’t leave her room that whole day. 

They were mad, furious even, with Luke. All the things they warned him about were thrown down the drain. They told them not to believe the media and to talk to Y/N but he did none of those things, he only made it worse for all of them, especially the girl who was now spending half the tour absent-minded over heartbreak. 

She told them several times that she was fine “I asked him to leave” She would say. But they know better than to believe her right away when she says those stuff, not after that night when she told them the truth about Madden. They swore never to make that mistake again, but history was repeating itself! Only this time it was ten times worse. 

Y/N would go out every night after the show, no matter in which part of the world they found themselves in. She was determined to drown herself in alcohol rather than self-pity. They tried to spot her several times but she wouldn’t listen, so they agreed that at least one of them would accompany her whenever she went out just to make sure that she is safe and that she doesn’t go too far. 

Last night, however, it was Michael’s turn but Beth felt sick so he couldn't go. He texted Calum, but he was already asleep so he didn’t see the message. Ashton was out with Dani for a date night and when he came back he found Michael in the lobby asking for some medicine for Beth’s stomach and when Calum answered their call with a sleepy voice they realized that Y/N was alone. 

And now she wouldn’t answer the door. 

“Y/N, I swear to God!”

“Why do you gotta bring the lord into this?” 

The three men turned around and found Y/N standing next to them. Her hair was messy and her makeup was smudged, but his eyes remained empty as she looked at them quizzically. 

“Were you already downstairs this whole time?!” Ashton asked, raising his voice. Y/N cringed as she shushed him.

“Ugh, could you talk any louder? My head is killing me”

Calum looked at his friend up and down, realizing what was happening “You just came back, didn’t you?”

All three of them turned their heads to her, unable to believe what was in front of them. This wasn’t the Y/N they knew. She was never like this, ever. 

Y/N rolled her eyes at the sad, angry, and pitiful looks of her friends. She didn’t need to answer what was obvious. 

“Where were you all this time?” Michael asked “We were worried sick” 

“Wow, thanks dad,” She said with sarcasm, walking towards her door as she tried to find her key somewhere along with her pockets “I was at the bar. Did you know they open 24 hs? There’s no such thing as the last call here! I love this country” 

She let out a little squeal of joy when she finally found her key, pushing Ashton out of the way with the side of her body as she inserted it on the lock. 

“We have an interview in 30 minutes!” He reminded her.

“Yeah, your girl told me that downstairs” She answered before she started to close the door “Have fun with that” 

But before she could close it completely, Ashton’s foot got in the way.

“You can’t keep doing this, Y/N,” He said with a serious tone, ignoring the pain of the door hitting his foot, still trying to close on him. 

Y/N pushed a little harder “I want to sleep, Ashton. Good night” 

“No! Goddammit, Y/N. This has gone too far!” 

She opened the door, making Ashton trip, and almost fell to the floor in front of her. She was beyond pissed as she began to talk.

“No! Everything has already gone too far, I’m just catching up!” She spat loudly, making the boys look at her in surprise “Madden went too far, the media went too far, the industry went too far and Luke went too far. And I let them crash into me like I’m just a bystander, waiting to pick up the pieces they left of me! So excuse me for finally doing whatever they thought I did. Forgive me for catching up to this fucked up world and finally live up to their false expectations! But I’m not allowed to break down, not right now and probably not ever! So I will keep running. Maybe that way, if I catch up, they’ll leave me the fuck alone” Her eyes filled with tears as she spoke, but she will not cry in front of them. Not anymore “So, good fucking night” 

Ashton closed his eyes when he felt the wind of the door slamming inches away from his face. He raised his hand to knock again, but soon he let it fall with a sigh. 

He turned around to face the guys and they all had the same hurt expression, not because she hurt them, but because she was hurting herself. They all thought she was doing it unconsciously, but now it was rather obvious that she knew exactly what she was doing. 

Y/N is destroying herself because there’s almost nothing left of her. So she’s speeding up the process. 

“We can’t leave her like that” Michael said in a whisper, none of them were looking at the door right now, all their eyes were set on the floor as they contemplated their options.

“Well, she doesn’t want to see us. That’s for fucking sure” Calum murmured. 

The three men stood in silence in the hallway. Breathing heavily from time to time as their minds tried to find a way to reach out to Y/N before it was too late. 

“We have to do something” Michael broke the silence again, fidgeting with his fingers as he met the worried eyes of his two best friends “The fans are already saying that she’s going to leave the band and-“

“No,” Ashton interrupted him, clenching his jaw as the headlines of the articles ran through his mind “We are not letting that happen” 

“But what if she wants to?”

“Then that’s not our Y/N/N,” He said “And I refuse to lose her this way or in any way, for that matter”

After a few minutes, it was clear that Y/N was not coming out of her room any time soon. So the boys had to get downstairs to get to the interviews, already thinking about excuses to justify her absence once again. 

They wanted to stay with her, but management was already being too hard on them as it is, and they didn’t want Y/N to pay the consequences if they didn’t show up to at least one promo interview. So they had no choice but to leave her alone in her room. 

Once the elevator doors opened, the three of them were met with the worried eyes of their girlfriends who quickly met up with them halfway. 

“How is she doing? She didn’t speak to us when she came through the doors” Bethany explained as she stood next to Michael, grabbing his hand in comfort.

Ashton just shook his head.

“We talked,” Kat said with a sigh “We decided that we are staying here with her” 

“What?”

“You’ll be fine in the interviews without us, but she needs someone. Even if we just wait for her in the lobby all day. Someone needs to check up on her” Kat continued. 

“She’s lonely,” Danielle followed, “Even if she doesn’t want to admit it. She’s hurting too much for words to even describe” 

The boys knew they were right. Even if Y/N doesn’t want to, they will still be there for her every step of the way. They were not going to leave her to drown. 

“Thank you,” Ashton said, truthfully “But there’s gotta be something else we could do for her… just standing by and keeping an eye on her while she wastes away is just…” 

He couldn’t finish the sentence, he didn’t need to. They all knew what he was referring to; that damn feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. 

“We’ll figure something out,” Calum said confidently “We are not going to give up on her”

*

There was nothing much to do back in L.A. as Luke found out when he stepped out of the plane almost a month ago. His life has completely changed since he met her and now… Now she was gone and he was left with nothing.

It was his own fault, that’s what he reminded himself every single day since the morning Y/N asked him to leave. He acted on emotions rather than with reason, angry with the world that allowed him to get close to her just to rip her out of his hands the moment he realized his mistakes. He should’ve listened, should’ve fought, should’ve stayed. He should’ve done a lot of things and now he doesn’t even have the chance to fix it. 

He hasn’t checked anything about Y/N since he came back. No articles, no tweets, no posts… nothing. He feels as if he didn’t have the right anymore. He never had the right to do it from the beginning, not without letting them fill his brains with lies that eventually left him in pieces.

How could he? How could he let all those things get to him? Everyone told him to ignore them, not to believe the lies that were written for the clicks and the gossip. He knew the truth, he lived with it, and yet, he had turned on her the second it had become too much. 

Y/N was a private person and Luke could never understand why. Why if she was so private with her life did every news article write about her? They were all lies. And if he had at least an ounce of decency he would’ve realized that sooner and stand by her side instead of siding with the media. Yet, those thoughts were sticking with him at the back of his head, haunting him even in his sleep. 

How easy it was for him to turn away from her. How easy it was for him to leave her. But how hard it was to ignore the love he feels for her, knowing that she won’t take him back and with good reason. Y/N deserves better, in every way, shape, or form. She was such a bright light in such a dark world, and he just hopes she will be strong enough to see it someday, even if he’s not by her side anymore.

God, he was just a fucking idiot. 

And now, as he walked past the coffee shop where they first met while he fought the urge to cry again, he was willing to beat himself up for it. For losing the only person he cared about just because he wasn’t brave enough to fight for her as he should’ve. There wasn’t anything that didn’t remind him of Y/N, nothing he could do to shake the self-inflicted pain he caused, so he thought better than to let it consume him. 

Luke sat on an empty bench near the campus, his classes didn’t start until a month from today but he longed for some kind of distraction. Once he settled, he took out his notebook and started writing. He doesn’t write about love anymore, rather he wrote about the loss of it while still mourning it fresh on the flesh. Finally understanding what Ashton meant when he said that heartbreak breaks you, and, for a moment, he thought about how she might feel at this moment; if she, at least once, thought of him with something wasn’t hate.

He spent hours sitting outdoors, writing as if his time were to end at any moment. He wrote letters of forgiveness, poems of grief, and free thoughts of the guilt he was feeling. He didn’t mention her, but they were all about and for her. For his Y/N who was now a world away and who he will not call his ever again. 

It must’ve been late when his phone started to ring; the streetlights were starting to lit up the pavement as the sun started to set, leaving soft shades of pink and purple to cover up the sky. He didn’t know the number, so he let it ring thinking it might be just one company trying to sell him something he didn’t need. 

But the unknown caller was relentless; calling and calling until Luke decided to answer after the fourth time. 

“Hello?” He said, annoyed by the interruption. He didn’t want to talk to anyone; not like he had anyone to talk to, after all. 

“You fucker” The voice at the other end said. Luke froze when he recognized it. 

“A-Ashton?” 

“Were you expecting the fucking queen?” He sounded angry and even through the phone he left Luke completely intimidated as he sunk into his seat. 

“How - Whose number is this?” Luke asked, knowing he had all their numbers saved in his phone. 

“Would you have answered if you saw my name on the screen?” He wouldn’t, they both know it. But at the same time…

“Why are you calling me?” He finally muttered, his head wrapped around the only reason Ashton, out of all people, would be calling him. He knew it was not to catch up “Is Y/N okay?! Did something happen to her?!” 

Something must be terribly wrong if Ashton was calling him. That man was very protective over his best friend and Luke was sure he would’ve killed him if he found him the day where he yelled at her, knowing that Y/N must’ve told him everything. He knew Y/N was not going to forgive him and neither will the boys for that matter. That day he lost more than just his girl. 

Ashton laughed without any kind of humor “No, she’s not. Of course, she’s not! You happened to her, mate. I don’t know what the fuck you did but she hasn’t been the same since you left.” 

Luke’s eyes widened “She didn’t tell you?” 

If he thought about it, it really wasn’t that surprising. Y/N never talked about her problems with him, but the boys always knew everything, them being the only people she knew she could trust with her whole heart. Luke had always been jealous of that, but once he found out the truth of why she kept some things for herself he understood why she could only trust her bandmates with it. He immediately thought that she would tell them everything, every word he said and the hateful words he wrote, but she didn’t and that could not mean anything good. 

“She told us enough. That you believed the lies of her and Madden and didn’t let her explain before you lashed out and she asked you to leave. Not a single detail about it, only that you were gone and were not coming back. I guess she didn’t want us to kick your ass, but Luke, you better be certain that-”

“I know!” Luke said with a sigh “I deserve it” 

“Dude, what the fuck did you do to her?” 

How could he tell him? How could he mutter the courage to tell one of his best friends how he absolutely fucked up? Ashton would hate him, with every reason in the world he should hate him. Luke just hoped that he didn’t. 

He, Calum, and Michael were the only friends he knew since he met Y/N. They took him in, welcomed him into the group with gritted teeth with the only condition to never hurt their friend. And after a year of being friends, he broke not only Y/N’s trust but theirs as well. And the fact that Y/N didn’t tell them what he’d done seemed cruel because now he had to. Breaking more hearts than their own. 

“I fucked up, Ash” Luke muttered, rubbing his eyes with his fingertips as he crouched forward on the bench and placing his elbows on the top of his thighs, getting ready to face the consequences of his actions “I fucked up badly. I was just- You saw those articles, you saw those tweets and those photos. She never talked about him so I thought… What was I supposed to think? She had a reputation, and with the way, she acted the night before it all made sense to me. So I snapped”

“Luke, I swear to GOD if you touched her-”

“NO! God no, I would never!” Luke quickly stated, horrified at the thought of ever hitting her. He was not like that. He would never be like that “But the things I said to her… fuck, Ash. I threw everything in her face, called her a whore and a cheater without giving her a chance to explain herself. I was so fucking angry and she didn’t say a word. She took all of it in silence and I kept going, even when she begged me to stop I kept going... I didn’t know. You must know that I didn’t know what happened to her or her past with Madden. If I knew then I would’ve never-” 

“But you did” 

Ashton's words were simple, but they cut deeper than a knife through Luke’s heart. He never heard him sound so disappointed and angry. It reminded him of her and the last words she said to him.

“Luke, this girl has been through so much and you still went and dragged her through the mud just to hurt her”

“I didn’t want to-”

“Don’t fucking interrupt me” Ashton barked into the phone “You did. She gave you everything she could give and you threw it on her face like it was nothing without a chance to explain herself. And it’s not like she could run off, turn off her comments and go back to a normal life! I have never seen Y/N so broken since-” He stopped “What did she tell you?” 

Luke knew he was referring to Madden. He remembers her face covered in tears, lips trembling and body shaking as she told him what happened in that relationship. He finally saw the hurt and scars that covered her soul. 

“She told me what she could” 

Ashton sighed “Then you must know that she would never go back to him,” He said, Luke could tell by his voice that he was hurting, too “He met her at a concert in our second world tour as a solo act. He is the son of a very famous producer and they hit it off right away. We didn’t know exactly when things turned for the worse, but we knew something was happening. She would cover herself more, never hanging out with us unless he was present, she wouldn’t eat in front of him or talk to any of us directly unless it was something about work and that still pissed him off. We all heard the rumors of him cheating on her, but she always dismissed them saying that he loved her and he would never do that. I still wonder what other things we didn’t know that she’s still processing.

It wasn’t until the night he almost killed her that we understood the severity of it. She came by my house while I and the others were hanging out. She was bleeding all over herself, her face was covered in blood just as her shirt and pants. It was terrifying; I don’t remember ever driving that far to the hospital, paying the nurses to keep quiet because she kept asking to keep it a secret. That bastard broke her nose and one of her ribs. She had bruises on her arms, stomach, eye, inner thighs, and legs and a cut over her eyebrow. She lost a lot of blood on her way to my house so Calum had to donate some of his because she needed a transfusion. She stayed in the hospital overnight; the next morning we filed a restraining order against Madden and she moved in with me that same day, promising herself and to us that she would never let someone do that again to her. We promise we would never let anything happen to her from that moment on” 

Luke was shedding silent tears at Ashton’s story, all the things he imagined happened to her didn’t compare to the reality she suffered. And he only made it worse. 

“She was never the same after that” Ashton continued “Until you came into the picture” 

Ashton could hear Luke crying over the phone, his sniffs had given him away. But he knew he needed to hear this; he needed to know. 

“We didn’t want you to get close to her, afraid you might hurt her the same way Madden did, but she insisted that you were different, that you were a good guy. And against our better judgment, we believed her. We never expected that little by little, we would get our Y/N/N back. She was smiling again, laughing and singing songs about the love we never thought she’d be able to sing again. It was so obvious that she loved you that we couldn't do anything about it but be happy for her, you brought her back to us. 

I guess Madden saw that and didn’t like it, that’s why he came to see her that night. We don’t know much about what happened there or what he said to her, but she was shaking when she came back. All she said was that he cornered her, threatened her and called the paparazzi that worked for his father to take pictures of them, and since we were not in America, there was nothing the restraining order to do to help her”

“He did what?!” Luke shouted at the phone, fuming over the fact that that fucker decided to get close to her when she was vulnerable. He promised that if he ever saw him he’d kill him. 

“Now you care about what happened?” Ashton asked in return, frustration lacing his voice at Luke’s sudden feeling of protection “Luke, she called you over ten times that day as she was breaking down in the green room. She asked us all if we could get ahold of you because the driver came back without you. She was so fucking scared and you weren’t there when she needed you by her side. So don’t you fucking dare get offended right now. It already happened and you weren’t there” 

Ashton was right. Luke had no right to be furious at the moment, given that he was the one who abandoned her deliberately when he saw the pictures of her and her abuser. He had the excuse of ignorance, but that wasn’t enough. It never has, not it ever will be, because his girlfriend needed him at the time and he left her alone. 

He cried into the phone, not caring if Ashton could listen or not. He was so fucking angry at himself, at Madden, at the world… He was supposed to protect her, he said he would and then he gave the final punch. He failed her because of his insecurities. 

“I’m sorry” He cried, but Ashton was having none of that. 

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing for”

“She doesn’t want to-”

“Listen to me you shit” Ashton hissed into the phone “I don’t care what you think she wants. She is destroying herself over the fact that the last person she thought would hurt her left her because he chose to believe the lies of the media over his own girlfriend”

Luke’s heart broke all over again “She’s what?” 

“Oh my god, how dense are you, dude? Now you decide to ignore the gossip?! She’s been going out all night, drinking herself to death and refusing help from any of us. She is slowly killing herself by killing her soul” He sounded worried, scared even, as he muttered the last words “We are losing her” 

“Wh-what can I do?” Luke asked helplessly. Not being able to bear the thought of Y/N being gone. 

“We booked you a flight. Figure it out and don’t make us regret it” 

*

“Forgetting the lyrics again? Y/N L/N surely knows how to displease an audience”

“Y/N L/N MISSES YET ANOTHER INTERVIEW AFTER PAPARAZZI CAUGHT HER AT A PARTY THE NIGHT BEFORE”

“What is going on with YN?” 

*

He arrived late to the hotel, having his flight delayed for a few hours, and the boys were already waiting for him in the lobby. Luke took a deep breath as he spotted them from afar, they were talking among them, concerned looks covering their expressions as they looked through their phone. 

Luke walked up to them, mustering enough courage to say “Hi,” 

The three men turned towards the blonde, Calum quickly walking up to him and punching him in the face, caught Luke by surprise as he backed up holding his nose and looking at Calum with widened, surprised eyes. 

“That’s for hurting my best friend, you asshole!” He said, making the other guests look in their direction. 

Luke hissed as he made sure he wasn’t bleeding “Thank you. I deserved that” He said, blinking twice “But to be honest I was expecting Ashton to deliver the blow” 

“Calum won at rock, paper, scissors” Ashton shrugged “But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. We still need to have a serious talk and I might punch you there” 

Luke nodded, understanding that he did not only fail Y/N, but he also failed them. He promised them that he would take care of their best friend and they believed him. They even helped them get together and served as trust advisers for Luke about what it means to date a celebrity and yet he ignored every single one of them. 

He might never get their trust back, but now they needed to focus on other things more important than that.

“Where is she?” He asked. 

“Out,” Michael answered “The girls went with her. We don’t want her to be alone when she’s drunk” 

They started walking towards the door, getting into the car that would take them to Y/N and the rest of the girls. “Do you know what you will say to her when you see her?” Calum asked. 

“No,” Luke answered honestly “I guess I’ll know then”

“And you better not fuck it up again, Hemmings, or I swear it’s going to be the last thing you do” 

*

The dance floor was crowded. People were dancing one against the other as the beats of the songs reverberated all over their bodies and started the flame of having just one night of fun. Among them it was Y/N, dancing in the corner with her friends and ignoring their concerned eyes as she moved freely thanks to the alcohol that was cursing through her veins. She knew she had to wake up soon, but she just wanted to keep living this dream every night instead of facing the nightmares that would come in the morning.

She missed how easy everything was before that night when the nightmare started. When she couldn’t find Luke in the crowd of their concert nor their bedroom late at night. Now she doesn’t even want to go to sleep, knowing that she won’t find him there ever again, all because she asked him to leave. 

But he wanted to leave, even before she asked him he was already getting his stuff to leave her “cheating ass”, writing words that describe their relationship as toxic. Is that what it was? Were they toxic or just scared? She couldn’t tell the difference anymore, not after spending night after night trying to erase those words out of her mind, but they were already scared forever in her skin. She promised herself she would carry them as a battle wound, as proof that no matter what you do, you could never win when the whole world seems against you even when you have done nothing wrong… Unlike now. 

She knew what she was doing, she knew she was disappointing a lot of people. She was disappointed in herself, too, but she couldn’t stop. The world was finally telling truths about her and it felt nice to at least have that. They denied her the truths for so long, feeding everyone lies that they would believe without hesitation or her explanation, just like Luke did, and now she was finally acting like people supposed she had. Now, at least she had control over that. 

She wondered if Luke ever thinks about her. If he’s forgiven her for whatever he thinks she’s done or if he continues to read the articles and rejoice in the fact that he was right, even when he wasn’t, he was right. Maybe he’d be proud? 

“Darling, are you alright?” She heard Bethany shout over the music. All the girls were looking at her. She didn’t realize she stopped dancing. 

However, she just nodded “I’m going to get more drinks!” She said, faking a smile even though the girls could tell that she was crying. But she was so far out she couldn’t even feel the tears that rolled down her cheek.

Y/N gripped the marble countertop of the bar, trying to hold herself steady. She was thinking again, she didn’t want to think anymore. She ordered two shots of tequila and drowned them down before asking for two more. But before she could drown the fourth one, someone snatches the drink out of her hand.

“Heeey” She slurred “Don’t get between me and my- oh, hello!” She smiled happily at the stranger who took her drink from her “You look a lot like my ex-boyfriend” 

Luke’s eyes widened at the word. She has never called him her boyfriend in front of people before. He glanced behind her and saw Michael, Ashton, and Calum already standing next to their girls, nodding encouragingly at him. 

“Ex-boyfriend?” He asked, eyes meeting hers and noticing the glimmer of tears in them. But she kept on smiling and nodding before she started to pout.

“But shhhhh,” She said, laying her head on the counter, almost like she wanted to take a nap “It’s a secret. No one knows we’re together… or were together. They will never leave him alone if they find out”

“Who?” 

Y/N looked to the sides, almost as if making sure no one was listening before she leaned into him and whispered “The media,” Then she started to giggle “If they found out I have a boyfriend then they will want to know everything about him! And poor Luke wouldn’t be able to handle that, he shouldn’t go through that” 

Luke’s heart broke at the sight of the drunk girl sighing in the bar, holding her empty shot glass and sniffing every other word to stop the tears from falling.

“He doesn’t deserve that, the hate. He’s a good guy, a little shy and awkward, but he’s nice. But the media is cruel and a liar, and I don’t want him to feel baaaaad. How stupid it is that because I love someone they should get hated on, right? Hahaha, I just wanted to protect hiiiim, cause I love him sooo so much. I even protected him from my friends! You know?! I never told them what he did to me in case they wanted to keep their friendship going, Luke is a very shy guy and he loved them very muchhh, I couldn't take that from him"

“Even if he hurt you?” Luke’s words were careful and filled with pain. When the boys told him that she was getting drunk each night he never imagined her this far gone. He never imagined her this sad. 

Y/N shook his head “I deserved to get, hic, hurt” She said between hiccups “He said I was a cheating whore monster liar, b-b-but I don’t blame himmmm. I’m sad but at least he doesn’t have to deal with me anymore and this BULLSHIT” She yelled, throwing her hands up to the sky. But then she started crying, sobbing as she tumbled backward before Luke caught her.

Luke was trying to contain his own tears as she sobbed into his embrace “I just want to tell him that I’m sorry I couldn’t protect him from myself” She cried “I wanted to be happy with him but we are both sad and toxic for each other. That’s what he said in his poem. I-I-I just w-want him to be ha-happy” 

Luke cried as he held her, burying his face into her hair as both of their bodies trembled. Even when she had every right to hate him, she still wants to protect him. Something he should’ve done. 

“I’m so sorry, my love” He cried, making Y/N look at him with worried, tearful eyes.

“Oh, don’t cry, stranger,” She said as she cupped his face and wiped his tears “I’m sad but you should be happy!” 

“Why?” 

“C-cause you’re not me” 

Luke stared into her eyes, she was smiling while the tears kept falling. Even at her lowest, she tried to be strong for everyone around her, even the stranger she thought he was. He pressed his lips on a thin line and nodded, hugging her tighter as if he was trying to hold on to the last piece of her that didn’t show coldness to him before she remembers everything in the morning. At least he would hold her one more time. 

Y/N didn’t understand much of what was happening but she returned the hug with the same energy, letting the stranger cry into her shoulder as she rubbed his back with her fingertips, wondering what Luke was doing right now. She decided that she didn’t want to know. 

“I want to sleep,�� She said after a minute of holding the man. 

Luke pulled away from her, wiping his tears as he nodded “Then let’s get you to bed, my love” 

She shook his head, pulling on his hand as he tried to walk them out of the club “But Luke won’t be there when I wake up” 

All the wind was knocked out of his lungs, did she want him there? “I’ll be there,” He said. 

“What?” 

“He’ll be there. I promise”

Luke gave one last look at the group. They were all staring at him with worried and hopeful eyes, actually surprised that this didn’t end badly just yet. Luke nodded at them and pulled Y/N with him, the rest of the guys followed him into the car as they made their way back to the hotel. 

Y/N slept all the way back, her head was placed in Luke’s shoulder as the blond kept staring at her, silent tears still dying on his cheek. The guilt was eating him alive; it was painful to see her this way, but at the same time he knew that she was at peace as she slept, letting the world fade for at least a few minutes before reality came crashing down.

When they reached the hotel, Luke carried her back into her room. He sat her down on the bed and started to take off her shoes as she lazily rubbed the tiredness from her eyes, suddenly waking up for a moment.

“Luke?” She asked. Luke raised his head and was met with her eyes already locked with his, a glaze of new tears adorned her pupils as she whispered “Am I dreaming right now?” 

“No,” He answered, voice as soft as hers as he got up and placed a kiss on the top of her head “No, you’re not, darling”

“Good. I always hate to wake up without you there” She said, looking over her shoulder to the empty side where Luke used to sleep. 

They both stayed quiet for the rest of the night. Luke took off her silk shirt and leather pants and helped her put on one of the big shirts she’s used to sleeping in. He wiped the makeup off her face and followed her nighttime routine without missing a step. When she was done, she curled up to her side and quickly fell into a deep slumber. 

Luke stared at the girl, his heart aching for her as he saw how fragile she looked while she slept. He thought about all the things she said that night, how he never considered her side of the story before. How he just assumed that she was hiding him because she didn’t want people to find out she was taken when in reality she didn’t want people to hurt him the way they hurt her. The way he hurt her.

Tears started to pick up in his eyes again. He hated to cry but there was nothing else he could do at the moment. Everything became too much too fast and he didn’t know if he could fix it. So all he could do was cry for the girl he loves and the girl he lost, not knowing if she would ever come back to him. 

“I’m sorry” He whispered in a quiet sob, getting into bed with her and holding her close “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry, my love” He kept murmuring into her hair until sleep claimed him as well. 

*

The next morning Y/N wakes up in her hotel bed but she doesn’t know how she got there. She looks to her side but the bed is empty, yet she finds an aspirin and a bottle of water in her nightstand. She wonders who was the poor soul that had to go with her last night to make sure she doesn't end up drunk in a ditch, at least they succeeded. 

Then she hears water running up in the bathroom and her heart sinks. Did she bring someone here last night? No, she wouldn’t do that. But she was very drunk… Oh my god, what did she do? 

Luke could hear her shuffling in the bed as he brushed his teeth. “It is now or never,” He thought, but he didn’t know what he would find behind the door. She didn’t know him yesterday, but today was another story and Luke’s heart shrank at the thought of Y/N hating him for coming back, even if it was to apologize to her. He was terrified, but he was tired of running away. 

As soon as he opened the door he was met with Y/N’s surprised gaze. The girl was quick to cover herself up, cheeks tinted red at the sight of her ex-boyfriend in her hotel room. She didn’t miss the flash of hurt that ran through his face when she did that. 

“Luke…” She said in one breath, suddenly feeling self-conscious by his presence “What are you- Did we-?” 

“No,” He answered quickly, stepping closer to the bed “No, we didn’t. You were drunk and I- You know I would never do that to you” 

“I thought we didn’t know each other…” 

Her words lingered in the air between them, creating a tension that could be cut with a knife. How fast did they become strangers when they used to know every single cardinal point of their bodies, every breath they took and what they meant, every sigh, every look… Now they were just two people in a room with so much to say but with no words coming out of either of their mouths.

Luke noticed how her eyes changed. While they were no longer filled with tears, they now laid emotionless in front of him, dull and empty as she stared at him. 

“I did this to her,” He thought “I took the light of her eyes. It’s my fault” 

She cleared her throat, breaking the silence as she spoke “Well, thank you for bringing me here last night. You can go now” She said, tearing her eyes away from him as she sat on her edge of the bed. 

Luke stood still “No,” 

“I’m asking you to leave” Y/N clarified, her voice growing stronger but still a bit sore. 

“And I’m telling you I’m not going” He responded, taking tentative steps towards her “Something I should’ve done all those weeks ago” 

He was standing in front of her in a matter of seconds; he crouched to meet her eyes but she quickly turned her face away “Y/N, please” He begged, his hand coming to rest on her cheek as his knuckles caressed her skin while the other one was placed on top of her hands, both intertwined with each other on top of her thighs “You could look at me yesterday, please don’t deny me at least that. Let me see you, my love” 

But Y/N didn’t move, her face stayed turned to the side with her hair covering most of it. She couldn’t look at him, she just couldn’t. It was too hard, too painful. Luke sighed.

“Okay, it’s okay. You don’t have to, but at least listen to me, yeah? I just- I need you to listen, Y/N, please” He pleaded, placing both hands on top of hers “Y/N, I love you” 

The knot in his throat became tighter as he noticed how the veins of her neck tensed and she started to grip her hands tighter. But she needed to hear this, and even though it hurt to see her like that, he continued. 

“I love you. I love you. I love you” He said, voice breaking at the end, impossible to fight that choking feeling in his throat “I loved you since the moment I saw you. You were all dressed up in Calum‘s clothes and you had a pen in your hair, and I thought you were the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, but you were so nervous about trying to clean the coffee you spilled that you didn’t even notice I fell for you without knowing your name” He let out a tearful chuckle “I started to fall that day and I haven’t stopped, not even for a second. Y/N you are- You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I was an idiot for not seeing that. I don’t know what I have to do for you to forgive me, but I’ll do anything, my love. Anything to make it better. Cause I followed you blindly from the start, and I’m so sorry I let you down. I’m so, so fucking sorry that I let my insecurities come in our way. I love you, even then I never stopped loving you”

He could see how her chin started to tremble, she was trying to hold off the tears as much as him “I - I wish I could go back in time. I would’ve never said the things I said, I would’ve never doubted you or left without listening to what you had to say. I should’ve fought harder for you, but I was a coward. I still am, if I’m being honest, but I will not run away, Y/N. Not anymore. I know I will never deserve you, but I’ll do my best and try. Because you, my love, are the love of my life, the greatest love I have and - and I can’t -“ 

It became too much for him. He couldn’t say anything else without breaking down. But he wanted her to know how much she meant for him, how much he is willing to fight for her if she lets him. She needed to know how sorry he was and how much he still loves her. But the words got stuck in his throat. The poet was left speechless.

“Y/N you are so strong,” He finally said “So strong, my love. And I’m so fucking proud of everything you do, I always have and always will be” He brought her hands to his lips and started pressing kisses all over it while wetting them with his tears “I wish I could take back everything I said. All those words were said out of anger and jealousy, that is not how I see you at all. You are so beautiful, Y/N, inside and out. So kind, so smart, so giving… You are perfect. And I love you, I love you, I love yo-”

Suddenly his words were interrupted by her lips as she started kissing him. Y/N didn’t want to keep listening anymore so she did the only thing he could, the thing she wanted to do the most since she saw him come out of the bathroom. 

Their hands flew to cup each other’s cheeks, keeping their faces as close as they could, feeling how their tears became one as they started to deepen the kiss. They rocked back and forward with the intensity of their energies colliding once again, it was everything they needed and more. Suddenly, Luke got up from the floor and brought Y/N along with her, pressing her against the wall as their lips never left each other.

“I love you” He breathed into her lips before kissing her again and again and again, already getting lost in the feeling of euphoria she brought to him “I love you”

She kept crying as their lips met, savoring every word, every praise that came from his mouth, trying hard to hold on to them as she felt her breath become short “I missed you” She cried into the kiss, pulling away to see his face. 

Luke’s eyes were blown wide as he stared at her, their lips were pink as they tried to catch their breaths. He knocked his forehead against hers before kissing it lightly “Please, forgive me” He begged, holding her tight against his chest. 

“Luke,” She whispered as she tugged on his shirt, making him look back at her “Kiss me” 

He looked at her softly, his baby blue eyes saying more than he ever could as he caressed her cheek one more time before leaning down and trapping her lips with his. He had no rush because there was no other place he’d rather be, no other person he’d rather spend time with. Only her. Only his Y/N. 

Her hands traveled tentatively under his shirt, softly caressing the skin of his back and his stomach as she parted her lips to grant him more access and control. Luke’s hand that was not cupping her cheek rounded around her waist, bringing her body closer to him with the need of feeling her, all of her. 

“Y/N…” He groaned, tilting his head back when he felt her kiss along his jaw and neck.

“Please…” She murmured against his skin, sucking and kissing on the spot that she knew would make him shiver. 

Luke pressed her against the wall with his body completely covering hers. He grabbed the back of her thighs and lifted her feet from the ground as she locked her legs around his waist. “Please,” She begged again, closing her lips around the shell of his ear and slightly biting into it. She could feel him getting hard as her hips moved forward, her core pressing against his hardening cock. She moaned softly into his ear  “Please, Luke. Please” 

The movement of her hips was all Luke needed to lose himself to her, thrusting right back at her and moaning at the friction of her soaked panties against his clothed erection. Her sound became more breathy and he knew she was getting close just by the friction alone, having spent too much time without this feeling. 

“Y/N…” Luke groaned into her after a particularly hard trust “I-”

“I know” She breathed “I need it too,” 

Without a second thought, Luke turned both of them around, still holding Y/N by the back of her thighs as he placed them back into the bed. Now it was his turn to kiss along her face, her lips, her neck… everywhere she would give him access to and would leave her breathing his name. His hands fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, taking it off completely in one swift move and occupying his hands by touching her breasts, massaging them softly as his lips closed against one of her nipples, tongue circling around the hard pebble until they were nice, erect and wet from his kiss only to do it again with the other one. 

Y/N was a whimpering mess under him, her fingers tangling in his hair as he sucked on her sweet spot, kissing down her body until his lips found her wet panties. He kissed over her clothes bundle of nerves, making her moan and begged for more as he swiftly hooked his long fingers at either side of her hips and pulled them down, kissing along her thighs up and down and up again only to finish tongue deep into her hole, lapping at her arousal and moaning against her at the taste of her. He always found her exquisite. 

Stars were playing behind her eyelids as she felt one finger inside her while Luke’s lips closed against her clit, sucking it lightly as he inserted another finger per her request, thrusting then inside and out as she chanted his name like a prayer when her walls clenched against them. 

Luke licked her clean as her fingers played with his hair, relishing this intimate moment as a precious memory for the future. When he pushed himself up he noticed that there were a new set of tears rolling down her cheeks “Are you okay, love?” He asked, “Did I hurt you?” 

She shook his head, looking up at him with teary eyes “I love you” 

His eyes soften at her words, hands caressing the side of her face as he leaned in without thinking, kissing her tears away with such care, never wanting to see them again.

“Luke…” She whispered, kissing his chin “Luke, make love to me” 

Blue eyes met Y/E/C, sharing all the love he had in them before leaning down again to trap her lips with his; tongues dancing together like it was the first time all over again where no other words were needed. 

Y/N helped him out of his shirt and shorts, pumping his cock in her hands as he moaned in her ear how good it felt before lining it up with her entrance, quiet gasps leaving each other’s mouths as they felt the familiar stretch when he bottomed out. 

Soft words and kisses were shared as Luke’s thrusts were slow and steady. It was silent, needy, passionate; it was everything they needed and more. Their hands explored the familiarity of their bodies, leaving faint marks as they enjoyed their shared pleasure.

“Please,” She begged against his lips, moaning as Luke started hitting her spot “Please, please, please, plea-” 

Her orgasm came over her like a wave and Luke was entranced with her face as it contorted in extasis, helping him reach his climax as he cum inside her, painting her walls as his thrusts became sloppy. 

They stayed like that for a while, kissing on top of each other as their bodies stayed connected in the most intimate way. But soon Luke had to get up, getting a wet cloth from the bathroom and cleaning her up, whispering sweet nothings to her as he did so. 

He climbed into the bed next to her, pulling her closer against his chest as his back rested against the headboard, drawing circles in the soft spot of her back and resting his chin on the top of her head. 

They must’ve fallen asleep after a while because when he opened his eyes again he felt Y/N crying into his chest.

“My love?” He asked, worry lacing his voice as he accommodated himself better so he could see her face. Y/N eyes were puffy and filled with tears as she struggled to contain a sob “What’s wrong?” 

Y/N sniffed, voice breaking as she asked “You love me?” 

Luke furrowed his eyebrows in confusion “What a stupid question,” He said as he started playing with your hair “Of course I love you” 

“But what else?” 

Her question confused him, even more, when he saw pure heartbreak spread along her face. 

“What else what?” 

“You love me and what else?” She repeated her question. 

“What else is there?” 

Luke’s answer made her lips tremble as a new set of tears filled her eyes. His heart fell to his stomach with her reaction, not knowing what he did to make her this upset “Baby, what’s wrong? Is love not enough?” 

Y/N shook her head as she took a deep breath, trying to find enough voice and courage to say what she needed. 

“I’m not perfect, Luke” 

“I know,” He said, bringing his fingers to caress your cheek but you shook your head.

“No, you don’t know” She stated, tears rolling down her cheek “You still see me as something out of your reach, as something you don’t deserve because you hold me to such standards that is impossible for me to live up to your expectations. I will let you down, even without wanting to, I will. And- a-and I don’t think I’ll be able to stand that look in your eyes once I do. I can’t go through that again” 

She cried softly for a while, trying to find the right words to say.

“Luke, I need you to listen to me very carefully and really think about what I’m asking for here, okay, love?” She said after collecting herself just enough. He nodded as he gave her his undivided attention “Luke, I love you. More than anyone in the world, I love you. I thought I would never say those words again but I can’t deny my feelings for you nor do I want to. I love you. But I also love my life” 

Luke’s eyes were fixed on her as she spoke, nodding along to what she was saying. She took another deep breath before continuing. 

“A life that is filled with concerts, traveling and recordings and parties and interviews… A life that I chose to follow my dreams and make them come true. A life I am not going to give up because it’s mine and I truly love it. But in this life, there are some bumps in the road. There will always be people trying to bring me down, sending hate to me and the ones I love, spreading rumors all around where sometimes you won’t be able to distinguish fiction from reality. With people trying to get to me, by flirting or abusing their power with threats. But I keep going, I deal with all of that because that’s just the way it is. I will go to an interview that might get twisted, I might go and get flirted on by a random stranger that works for publicity. I might have rumors of me dating people I haven’t even met! All of that without my consent or knowledge. But I agreed to this when I agreed to follow my dreams and I can’t help it when it happens and most of the time I can’t say anything about it even if it hurts. 

And when that happens I need to know that you will trust me. Because I cannot possibly ask you to leave your dreams to follow mine, meaning that we won’t be together all the time like we’re used to. And I need to know that you will trust me when I’m away from you”

Luke stayed quiet, his mind running a thousand miles per hour at her words. Could he trust her? When they were together on tour, and even at home in L.A, the rumors about Y/N were strong, so much so that he didn’t know if they were true or not. And even though he knew her, he still wasn’t sure. He doubted her, more times than not he did which ended up in him losing her until last night. He trusted her now, but…

“I don’t know,” He answered honestly, feeling like the weight of his shoulders was being lifted as he spoke “I don’t trust my mind, not when it’s about you. Not really. I trust you here, right now but I can’t promise that my insecurities won’t get in the way, changing that for the future. But I can try, I’ll do my best-”

“What if your best is not enough, Luke?” She asked, sucking the air out of both of them. 

“What?” He asked in return, voice small and soft. 

She sighed, blinking through the tears “What if- What if it’s not enough? You love me, but you don’t trust me. I love you, but I’m scared you’re going to run away every time you hear something about me that could tint the image of me you have in your mind. I’m scared of that Y/N because I’m not her and I might never be able to compete with her. I wish I could tell you that everything will change for the better, that love will be enough. But if we can’t see a future now…”

“There might not be a future at all” Luke finished for her. 

The truth hurt more than they could ever have imagined, but it was still the truth. Without trust, there is no love that could endure the passings of times, but they could try, couldn’t they? 

“What now?” He asked after a moment of silence. 

“Hold me?” 

Luke opened his arms and Y/N nested into them, setting her head upon his chest and letting his heartbeat be the melody of her heartbreak. “I love you” She whispered into his skin.

“I love you, too” 

“I might never stop loving you” 

“You don’t have to” 

She sighed “I know, that’s what scares me”

Luke nodded, even though she couldn't see him. He let his fingertips trace up and down her arms and back, serving as the only comfort he could give right now.

“Stay with me tonight?” She asked, tilting her head so she could look him in the eyes “Just one night the two of us where we can leave the world behind. Just us and for tonight that’s enough”

He smiled sadly “Morning will come eventually” 

“And what will happen to us in the morning?” 

Luke let out a sad sigh “I don’t know” 

.

.

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @flaneurcth @notinthesameguey @bubblegum18 @irwin-fletcher-ash @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @1980holland @wiiildflowerrr @myloverboyash @nicebasscalum @calumspupils @secretsicanthideanymore @the-ghost-of-ash​ @alltimesos @kingxnichole @givebuckyhisplumsnow @hufflehemm @wildflower98 @girl-toxxic

[gr0vndz3ro]

Ghost of You

Bakugou x reader

Warnings: angst, mentions of character death

Word count: 2,798

Crossed off: Dancing in the Kitchen

Tag list: @sadistiks @unbreakableeiji @fanfic-me-up @gallickingun @keigod​

A/N: I may or may not have cried writing this that is besides the point. I want bakugou forehead kisses ): but I hope that you guys enjoy this piece I did for the @bnhabookclub​ bingo event! Also may have loosely based this off the song Ghost of You by 5sos

You were always the more cheerful one of the two. Katsuki knew this from the first time he met you and was one of things he loved you for. The way you were able to light up a room with just the sound of your voice, and how you were the only one who could cheer him up after a long day at work.

He treasured how you always found a way to put him first in everything you did. Waking up with him to join him for a cup of coffee before he left for work. Making sure that his plate of food was always warm when he got home. Massaging his shoulders and arms as you two cuddle on the couch watching movies. Over the 6 years you had been together he still managed to find new ways to love you. 

It was in the way your eyes lit up when your favorite song came on the radio. In the way you laughed at all of his little snide remarks that he never meant. How your hand fit perfectly into his, as if your hand had been sculpted to fit perfectly into his own. Even in your little snores that fell from your lips when ever you were extremely tired. He fell in love with how clingy you got whenever you got sick, wanting nothing more then for him to play with your hair till you fell asleep.

But his favorite thing that he grew to love the most was something he only discovered after you moved in together. He had only managed to find out by accident as it was your little secret. He had never meant to find out, but when he had came home early from work, flowers in hand, to find the music blasting and you dancing your heart out in the middle of your kitchen, he found himself absolutely smitten. That was the day he knew he wanted to marry you.

Seeing you throw yourself haphazardly around the room in a vague attempt at dancing, he couldn’t stop the smile that took over him as he watched. Hair going everywhere, hips swaying and feet stomping. To anyone else they would have thought you had went insane, if he wasn’t dating you, Katsuki would have thought the same. But seeing you absolutely carefree as your favorite artist blasts through the speaker on the table made him feel so much love for you. He couldn’t explain it, but he feel the need to either. He never confronted you about your kitchen concert. You probably didn’t want him to know and he never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable, so that day he left the house and waited outside of the door until he heard the song finish and made sure you could hear him when he came in.

He found himself coming home more and more in any attempt to see you doing your little dances. On his lunch break he would stop by the house and lean on the front door to see if could hear the light thumping of your many songs blasting throughout your shared home. Whenever he heard it he couldn’t help but sneak inside and watch the show you put on for absolutely no one. Today was no different from any other. It was his lunch break and he made his way to the door, hearing the soundtrack blast through the speakers, he quietly slipped in through the door. He made sure to close the door behind him as softly as he could before tip toeing through the house to where he knew he would find you dancing like your life depended on it. But when he turned the corner and you weren’t there he became confused. She always dances in the kitchen, where could she- his thoughts were cut off by the sound of you clearing your throat behind him, freezing him in place. Turning around, he sees you standing behind him with your arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

“Heyyy babe, I wanted to surprise you and spend lunch together.” He tried playing it off while walking over to where you were, wrapping his arms around you in a warm embrace. Your arms find their way around his torso as you feel him dip down to kiss your forehead.

“Oh is that so.. is that why you’ve been stopping by all week?” His breath hitches in his throat. He had been caught like a deer in head lights. 

“Wait, I-I can explain it’s not like I was-” 

“Come dance with me Katsu” A smile covering your face as you grab your boyfriend's hand and drag him into the kitchen. You let go of your hold and throw your hands up into the air as the beat drops in the song that was filling the room. He stood there in a state of confusion and awe as he watched you fling your arms all around.

“I don’t know how.. to do.... that” He looked down to the ground, a slight tint of pink covering his face in embarrassment. 

“Nonsense. You don't need to know how to dance to dance, just move how ever the music makes you feel. Here” You take his hands in your own and sway them back and forth to the beat of the music. After a few minutes and a lot of convincing him to stay, you both stood in the middle of the kitchen, holding each other in your arms, swaying to the soft song that played in the back ground. You pulled yourself away from him slightly to look him in the eyes, the soft smile that finds it’s way to your lips unknown to you. “Look at you, your dancing.” He can’t help but suck his teeth at you and turn his head, but he knew in his heart he was just as happy.

The only time he ever danced infront of anyone besides you was at your wedding after you dragged him to the middle of the floor. All of your friends surround the two of you but his focus was only on you. You had looked stunning that night. Not that he didn’t think you looked stunning everyday. It was just the fact that you were finally his, and only his forever. Through everything you had to put up with, you still came back to him, time and time again, your love for him never faltering. You were his rock and his person. Over the years you spent together he learned that it was okay to open up to you and that you wouldn’t think he was weak when he felt venerable. You meant so much to him he couldn’t begin to put into words, so he had felt no hesitation when your pretty little hands dragged him out of his chair to the middle of the dance floor to dance to the same song you had taught him to so long ago.

As you swayed in the middle of the floor your high school friends watched in shock at how calm their once hot headed friend now was in your arms. They smiled at how perfect the two of you were together and how you managed to bring out the softer, nicer side of Katsuki. They’d never say it to him in person in fear of an explosion to the face, but it was nice to see that he found someone to trust enough to feel completely at peace around. 

Things in your life seemed to always go smoothly. Sure he’d start fights every once in a while but you’d roll your eyes and ask him what was really bothering him, and after some time he’d finally confess about what plagued his mind. Any problems the two of you faced, you faced together. Some times the missions he went on haunted him at night. He would toss and turn through out the night and you would wake up and pull him close to you. Running your hands through his hair as you speak soothing words to him. But you never brought up the sleepless nights to him, he would talk to you about it when he was ready, he always did. So for the mean while, you would just do your best to lull him back to sleep and comfort him through the night. He would never tell you but he was always awake as you whispered sweet nothings to him, the way you tell him you love him still making his heart flutter like it did the first time you had said it to him back in high school.

But the time he needed your comfort the most, you hadn’t been there. It wasn’t your fault. It was the monster of a man who you had bumped into on your way to the grocery store. It seemed like it was just yesterday. 

The two of you were sitting in the living room when you had got up to go to the kitchen to grab a snack for the both of you. When you got to the fridge you opened it, looking around to find something but failing miserably. You went to the pantry and searched the cupboards but when you weren’t able to find anything you let out a sigh before heading back to the living room.

“Hey Katsu we’re out of snacks so I’m just going to head to the store really quick and grab us some stuff.” You started heading toward the front door but was stopped by his hand on your wrist.

“Here wait and I’ll go with you. Let me just go put on some clothes.” He turned to go to bedroom but it was your turn to grab his wrist. A look of confusion on his face as he turned around to meet your gaze.

“No don’t worry about it, you had a long day at work go relax.” You smile at him trying to convince him to try to rest and enjoy the evening.

“It’ll only take me like 5 minutes, Hell I’ll go without the shirt it’s fine” He goes to put on his shoes, completely shirtless, yet still willing to go dressed in what little he was in to join you to the small trip.

“Baby, I mean it. You’ve had a really rough few days, please go sit down and try to relax. I wont be gone for more than 20 minutes tops. You can go take your shower and then by the time you’re done I’ll be back. Sound like a plan?” Holding his hands in your own you look him in the eyes hoping you’d be able to convince your husband to slow down and take a breather. He paused before letting out a sigh and grabbing your face in between his hands.

“I’m not going to win this am I?” You shook your head and he let out a sigh giving up. “Alright but don’t take to long okay, oh and make sure you get those one chips. The spicy ones I like, you know what they’re called.” You let out a giggle at the small request.

“Of course. I love you” You lean forward and give him a quick kiss before grabbing your keys and heading out the door. The door clicks behind you as you leave to the store.

“I love you too” He says to a now empty room before making his way back to the couch. He’d soon regret not saying those words to your face before you left, and would regret not forcing himself to join you even more. Because maybe if he had been just a little bit more stubborn you would have been able to join him for the rest of that movie that he has still yet to finish.

It had been a year.

A year.

Katsuki walk into the apartment after a long day at work placing his keys and wallet in the bowl next to the door. He had called out into the house like he used too out of habit but it wasn’t the same. There wasn’t any response to his call. He honestly hated coming home because it didn’t feel warm like it used to. It was to quiet here. He walked into the kitchen and glanced at the calendar, before realizing the date and his breath caught in his throat. How had he forgot. He turned out of the room and grabbed his keys and left.

As he drove around in his car, he found himself stopping at the store. It was the same one. The same one you were supposed to go to before he had gotten the call. Thinking back he remember the feeling of how his heart broke. He always thought that people exaggerated when they said that but he finally understood. But god he wished he didn’t. He wished he could return to the time when he was oblivious to how it felt to have a gapping hole where he once felt happiness. Back to when picture of your smile would make his heart fill with joy instead of making his eye fill with tears.

He pulled over the car and stood in front of the store. He hadn’t came back here since the incident, but he thought that it was only fitting that he had today. After all this was were the two of you had first met. Granted you had class together, Katsuki being who we was, never noticed you were in the class until you had physically bumped into each other. He yelled at you for making him spill the chips he had just bought and you just returned his anger with your famous smile, apologizing and buying him 2 more as an offering of peace. After that day you found a way bothered him everyday, mostly bringing him snacks. Some of which you knew he would like, some that you liked and sometimes brand new ones that you wanted to try with him. You quickly stole the blond’s heart, but for some reason he was completely fine with it.

So here he stood. In front of the store you both deemed as your store. It wasn’t a big store, it was family owned, a nice elderly couple ran it. They teased the two of you for being a couple long before the thought of even dating had crossed either of your minds. You had grown fond of them and had even invited them to your wedding saying that if it wasn’t for them you guys wouldn’t have been together. Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door, the bell ringing throughout the shop. 

“Good evening, welcome to- Bakugou?” The elderly woman stops dead in her tracks at the sight of the young man. She almost doesn’t speak again, a sad smile on her lips as she walks over to him. “What brings you to the store? I haven’t seen you since.. well in a while.”

“I needed to get some flowers if that's alright.” His eyes glued to the floor, unable to hold eye contact. He wouldn't let anyone see him this vulnerable. With a small sigh she places a hand on his shoulder and gestures over to where the bouquets where at. He raised his head and his eyes fell on one in particular. With slow steps he reaches his hand out taking a hold of the bundle before bringing it to his nose and inhaling the sent. They smelled like her. “These are... these were her favorite.” He pauses looking at the perfectly arranged flowers, a small tear managing to fall from his cheek, hitting one of the petals.

“It’s on the house. Be sure to tell her I said hi.” The woman makes her way toward the back of the store, looking back at him before disappearing “And don't be a stranger alright?” He nods before thanking her and heading out of the store and taking off in his car again.

After driving for what seemed like hours he finally makes it to his destination. Parking the car, he steps out. He walks down the gravel path and all he can think of is that you shouldn’t be here. This place was so cold and bland. It was nothing like you. You deserved to be somewhere so full of life it was that it was almost suffocating. You deserved to there with him. But when he arrived at the spot he had travel here for, he bent down and sat on his knees. He placed the flowers at the edge of your stone and wiped the tears off his face that had some how managed to sneak out. Taking a deep breath he spoke.

“Happy anniversary my little ballerina.”

[ifwallscouldtalkkkk]

Ashton's Coffee Shop Flirt [Part 1]

Female reader x Ashton Irwin

SFW, but contains some swearing

____________________________________

After being stood up for a date several times at the small coffee shop that your friend-of-a-friend Ashton works at, he sits down with you to keep you company after closing hours

____________________________________

"Still a no-show?"

His words snapped you out of the trance you had been put in by the buzzing of the coffee machines and the gentle clinking of porcelain cups.

"Uh, no. I mean, yeah. Still a no-show." You replied.

Ashton stood leaned over at the counter, scribbling circles on a little notepad by the cash register.

"It's almost closing time, so unless he comes sprinting in in the next 30 seconds, I think his time is up. What is this, the 3rd time?" Ashton asked.

"Well, the first time it was an actual emergency, so I don't think I should count that one", you stated. You had matched with a guy on Tinder who seemed really keen on meeting you, but he had yet to actually show up to any of your coffee dates. The first time, he actually had ended up in the ER for a ligament injury, and he had sent photos from the hospital explaining that he was really sorry and that he would turn up if the ER visit went swiftly. It of course didn't, it's an ER. The other 2 times it seemed to just have been unfortunate coincidences, but your excitement had definitely faltered, especially with his habit of not contacting you explaining that he won't make it until long after the planned meetup time. Still, you weren't really the busy bee of the century, so the long days at the coffee shop hadn't been too torturous. As head barista, Ashton had had the privilege to witness all 3 instances of you spending the majority of your day sitting in his coffee shop, patiently waiting for someone that would never show up.

Ashton made an amused skeptical face at you. "You know what, let's give him one last chance", he said. "I'm not in a rush, let's give him the chance to do the romantic-airport-last-minute-chase-down."

He ripped the cap off of a large marker pen with his teeth and started writing something on a notebook paper. When he finished, he recapped the marker and dramatically unveiled his masterpiece to you.

《CLOSED FOR TODAY, UNLESS YOUR NAME IS MARK SOMETHING AND YOU'RE LATE FOR A VERY IMPORTANT TINDER DATE (PLEASE YELL VERY LOUDLY AND WE'LL LET YOU IN)》

You rolled your eyes in a smile while Ashton pulled the blinds shut and taped the handmade sign on the outside of the door. After locking the door, he plopped down on the couch next to you, before immediately shooting back up on his feet. "Wait, want anything to drink?" He asked. You looked down at your long-empty latte mug, and sloshed around the tiny bit of foam left at the bottom. "I don't think I should have any more caffeine today", you replied. He raised his hands in an "ok"-sign and disappeared behind the coffee bar counter for a short while.

The reason you were even in this coffee shop in particular was because Ashton and you had a mutual friend who swore by this location being the very best place for first dates. Something about chakras and auras circulating perfectly in the building... To be honest, you hadn't really listened that closely during that part. Now that you had spent some time here, you seriously doubted the chakra part, and you were pretty sure that the real magic was Ashton's way to light up the place with good vibes. During your long hours here, you had never once seen anyone leave without a smile or at least a smirk on their face. Even when the newly hired barista got an order slightly wrong at times, Ashton's way of interacting with customers was just too sincere and charming to leave anyone upset. Even the music was different. Instead of the typical calm playlists you tended to find in other coffee shops, Ashton used his own playlists made up of every genre out there and then some. It wasn't unusual to glance over and see Ash singing along to whatever song was playing, or see him grabbing the occupied hands of his coworkers and forcing them to do a little goofy dance with him.

Ashton came back with a coffee cup for himself and a plate of cookies and sat down. "Leftovers", he said. "Would be a shame to throw them out." You grabbed one gratefully.

"So this Mark guy, what makes him so special?" Ashton asked between sips. You furrowed your brow in thought for a few seconds before replying. "I don't actually know an awful lot about him. He seems very driven, and confident. I guess it sort of flatters me that he would think of me as worthy of his attention", you replied, your words sounding a bit more pathetic that you intended. Ashton chuckled. "You're kidding, right? I've seen like several people staring at you like you're their blushing bride while you've hung out here. You know, Jacob, the coffee bean delivery guy? I've had to start running and catching him out back before he has a chance to come in because the guy ends up drooling like a zombie if he sees you. You're quite the chore to hang out with, you know?" He paused for a split second before adding "no, sorry, that came out wrong. I didn't mean you were a bother, but you for sure don't have a shortage of suiters, little girl."

You looked at your hands holding your cookie and chewed it slowly in thought. Seriously? You knew you weren't a complete lost cause or anything, but you had never really noticed anyone straight up ogling you in public. You guessed that it was technically possible that you were just blind to it, but the thought still felt surreal and uncomfortable.

"Uhh well I know I'm not the best at accepting compliments, but that still sounds like some grossly exaggerated bullshit, Ash." His smile widened and he let out a scoffing chuckle. His lowered his face and tilted his head with searching, focused eyes to coax you to make eye contact again. It worked.

"Hey", he began, with his eyebrows raised in a smug but caring expression. "You're pretty, ok?" Your instant reflex was to scrunch your face up in a cringing reaction. "Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh, none of that. Try again" he objected. You tried your best to hold eye contact and not squirm when he repeated himself. "You're pretty. You're a pretty girl." He dramatically grabbed your face with both his hands and shook you gently for comedic effect. "You're a nice, sweet, person. You're hot, and this Mark guy can fuck right off."

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To be continued...

Part 2 out now!

Heyy! Sorry for this chapter being uneventful. I was gonna continue it further, but the next part will basically be pure smut so I thought I could split it into 2 pieces for those who don't like that stuff. Lmk if you'd rather have it be one whole thing or if splitting it is ok.

Again, the next chapter will continue this particular story and will be PURE SMUT

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