#and loses his third family to their decision to sacrifice themselves for him

[autumnmobile12]

D. Gray Man: Morality vs Victory (and Survival)

D. Gray Man has a unique situation as far as conflict goes. The enemy is an army of millions of demon machines that are commanded by a race of humans that are virtually immortal from the perspective of ordinary people...and they can only be harmed/killed by a weapon that is so selective that only a handful of people in the world can use it. This isn’t a situation where anyone can just enlist and train to become an exorcist nor can the Black Order simply conscript new soldiers; this is a world where the chosen few and only the chosen few are physically capable of fighting the enemy.

This is the reality. This is the shit hand humanity in this world was dealt. So from from the perspective of ordinary folk who have no power against this fate other that to rely on the exorcists, many of whom are children, it's easy to see how and why they got desperate.

The other thing to consider is this isn't a normal war. The Black Order isn't the aggressor and the Earl and Noah Clan's ultimate aim is complete and total annihilation of humanity. So there is no hope of a ceasefire. There is no treaty the Order can sign, no way to negotiate, no way to appease the enemy. The only outcome that can happen is the destruction of one or the other.

In the grand scheme of things, the Order has nothing to lose. Lo Fwa recognizes the barbarity of the Third Exorcist Program and says what a ‘good person’ would say,  “This is not how I want to win.” That is a noble thing to say, but for the above reasons, the unspoken (and even spoken) outlook of the Order's leaders seems to be, “Do we win or do we die?” 

In spite of his photography 'hobby' and unhealthy obsession with Lenalee (cause that part of this character is really fucking creepy when you look past the fact it's supposed to be a joke,) Bak is actually one of the better leaders as far as morality goes.

When the Third Exorcist Program was unveiled, Bak was the only one verbally against it. He's the only one to called out Epstain for her part in the project.

Taking his background into account, this is understandable. His parents both martyred themselves in order to shut down the Second Exorcist Program and to hopefully prevent any similar experiments from taking place in the future. On top of that, when the scandal of what Lab 6 was doing got out, he probably took the brunt of the backlash in his parents' place.

Adding to this, when the Level 3 attacked the Asian Branch, his primary goal was keeping Allen safe. He acknowledged he couldn't fight and refused to throw him into the ring with a 'figure it out' mentality. So Fou took Allen's place. Even at the cost of her life, neither she nor Bak were willing to sacrifice a child. (He was even willing to risk blackmail with the aforementioned photos.)

We've already seen that Komui's the one who put an end to the human experimentation and he actively advocates on behalf of his sister and the other exorcists. He's also the odd one out as far as the other leaders of the Order go as he's the only one who doesn't have a generational obligation to be there, as both Lenalee and himself came from outside the Order and are the only surviving members of their family. Which in an organization where nepotism seems to be the commonality, that makes his position in the Order pretty impressive. He's the Alexander Hamilton of the Order.

During the attack on headquarters, Komui mobilizes the remaining exorcists to repel the akuma and made the practical decision to destroy the Egg in order to prevent the Earl from reclaiming it. But with the Level 4's appearance and the unknown status of their fighters, he chose to retreat. Like Bak during the Asian Branch crisis, he chooses not to endanger the lives of the exorcists who couldn't fight.

However, during the Third Exorcists arc, this standpoint of his starts to waver. Like Bak, it is to Komui's credit he didn't know about the Third Exorcist Program, but there is still the undeniable fact that he did not oppose the project when it came to light. He's uncomfortable about it, for sure. You can see he is not at all okay with any of this.

But he still says nothing.

The likely consolation in his mind is the Thirds were willing volunteers for the project and are honored to sacrifice themselves if need be, but this is still undeniably a slippery slope that can blow up in their faces. Which it does, resulting in the loss of the Thirds and four exorcists.

A silence of Komui's that speaks louder, though, is the treatment of Allen during his last days at the Order. Komui was in a bad spot here. On the one hand, he still views himself as an advocate for the exorcists. On the other, one wrong word and he might be the next one they lock up. So rather than speak out, he stays quiet in order to protect the others, which effectively means abandoning Allen. He doesn't even seem to be advocating for the Science Division's efforts to help.

There's already conflict between him and Lenalee over this. She's shown arguing with him in Night 204. We don't know what about, but given the context of the chapter, this probably isn't a petty sibling disagreement. Furthermore, where the current chapters stand, she and Marie are refusing to give him any information about Kanda and Johnny's whereabouts. This goes to show that while he does have good intentions, he no longer claims the same level of trust he used to, and that is likely killing everyone on the inside.

There is a distinct divide between 'Komui is Lenalee's brother' and 'Komui is Lenalee's commanding officer.' All the way back in the Fallen One arc, he is rather withdrawn in his instructions for her to recover Suman's Innocence and telling her point blank that he is beyond saving. There is also the post-Barcelona funeral where he strictly adheres to the Order's policy of cremating their dead and refusing to allow the finders to contact the families. Later on, he is even telling himself he can't afford to be sentimental even though we can clearly see how much the losses have affected him.

After the disaster of the Second Exorcist Program, Bak and Epstain both swore they would never be a part of any experiment like that again.  They lost their parents, Epstain owes her life to the Changs for shielding her from Alma's rampage, and they were left picking up the pieces of the disaster. It was her testimony to Central that put an end to the program.

So why does she go and dredge up all that bad blood to create the Thirds?

Bak, Komui, and Epstain all definitely went through a period of recovering mentally from the attack on headquarters, the appearance of a heretofore unheard of Level 4 akuma, and had to contemplate what this would mean for their organization going forward. It's not entire clear exactly when Komui became the branch chief, but he was 23 when he and Lenalee reunited, so it was around that time. (Lenalee would have been eight when word of the Second Program got out, so he definitely would have heard about it.)

So these three made their promises when they were in their early 20s at the most. In Bak and Epstain's case, they were handed responsibilities that should have remained with their parents for a few more years. Komui was still a teenager when his parents died.

They weren't children, but they were barely adults. In the face of tragedy, they all said, "No. We can be better than this," and they upheld those ideals admirably.

However, after nine years, hundreds of casualties, and catastrophic loss of life later, the Level 4's attack called back everything into question. It's the brutal reminder of their situation and of the three, Epstain is left questioning the stance she took a decade earlier. In short, the appearance of the Level 4 and the prospect of near annihilation scared her.

It definitely scared Komui and Bak, too, but as stated above, only one of them verbally opposed the Third Program. And even Bak gave in eventually.

Fear fueled desperation and desperation blurs where the line should not be crossed, and all three of them are now grappling with the idea of surviving and hanging on to their morality.

And unfortunately, there are the members of the cast that say,  “Victory no matter the cost.”

Which brings us to this guy.

Leverrier is definitely in the category of 'Characters you hated more than the villain' and his character design definitely didn't help things. From his first appearance in the series, he's callous and cold-hearted towards the exorcists, regarding them as less than people and more weapons and property of the Church. During the Level 4's attack, when Komui gave the order to retreat, Leverrier disagreed and said they should stand their ground in spite of the fact they had a one in a million chance of winning the battle.

However appalling as this decision was, though...it still worked. Sheer, dumb luck that it was, but we still have to acknowledge that Leverrier's decision and Lenalee's resolve were the main catalysts that, for better or worse, led to the discovery of the Crystal Innocence.

Unlike Komui, Bak, and Epstain, we don't have much in the way of backstory for Leverrier's character. There is definitely an element of family pride behind his motives. That is apparent by the vague storyline of the 'daughter that was offered up as a saint' as well as his rant to Link in Night 213 about using Allen and the 14th to win the war and that it's his victory, not Central's.

But there are two moments for this character that I think are telling. One is Link's statement in Night 247. "I have someone whom I wish to save...someone who lives his life restrained and filled with nothing but hatred." Link is pretty biased, so it's hard to gauge exactly what is genuine loyalty vs blind brainwashing, but the point is Link still has some reason to stand in his employer's corner. However, the other key moment is the very brief flashback we get in Night 150 where Leverrier, as a child, is calling out Hevlaska for her part in the human sacrifices, telling her she is murdering her own people.

This is a really odd stance for an otherwise harsh character, which does maybe indicate there was a time where even Leverrier thought the extreme actions of the Order were wrong? If this is true, what happened? If he used to be like the others and did once regard the exorcists as people instead of weapons, why the change?

There's a bittersweetness to the events of Lab 6 and the perpetrators of the Second Exorcist Program.

What's important to keep in mind is that even though Alma and Yuu were lab experiments, the scientists didn't treat them that way at all. They didn't keep them locked up in cages, the pair had free range of the lab as we can see them wandering all over the place unsupervised. The scientists gave them gifts. Alma knew what winter was despite having never been outside, so that means someone had to have told him about snow. When they had to 'dispose of' Yu, Tui and Epstain are openly weeping, and even Sahlins looks affected.

It's not a stretch to say the scientists loved those two, and so the entire lab did not hesitate to say, "No more." They put an end to the project and martyred themselves.

I think there also was an element of fear in this decision. Tui and Edgar Chang also probably had a line they thought they would never cross, and then they did. Once you commit something you previously thought was unthinkable, the question then becomes, "Where is the line now? How far are we going to go?"

Were they afraid of what they could become?

Finally, we come to the last character we're going to examine:

On his deathbed, Zhu Mei Chang confesses he is the one who began the human experimentation, that he was 'proud and cruel' and sought only the glory of his clan as he trampled on the lives of hundreds. This was an unexpected point of development for a character who's first appearance was a joke. When he first shows up, he's humbly chopping cabbage in the kitchens completely oblivious to Fou yelling directly at him through a megaphone. This introduction is hardly indicative of a heartless man who possibly tortured and killed many innocent people to have the 'honor of winning the war.' So the humor of him working as a lowly cook in the kitchens takes on a quality of possibly him trying to repent for everything he'd done.

So I'd like to acknowledge the age gap again:

Komui, Bak, and Epstain are still young adults. In their early twenties, they drew a line and stayed firmly behind it. Now they are 29-30 years old and they are toeing the line they themselves drew. That's a nine year difference. Nine years of hardship and a hopeless war that's been going on for a century already. As the audience, we have the benefit of assuming this war is going to end within their lifetime; they don't have that luxury. If nine years, and the prospect of carrying on through this the rest of their lives, did that to them, what did twenty or more years do to Zhu Mei Chang and Leverrier. Tui and Edgar were 39 and 43 years old respectively when they were killed, so their sacrifice may also have been viewed as an escape from a lifetime of warfare.

Allen and company have lost Suman, Daisya, the other Barcelona casualties, Tapp, countless members of the Science Division, General Yeegar, and many others through the course of one year.

With that kind of odds, it's tragically understandable how characters like Zhu Mei Chang and Leverrier may have ended up where they did. I don't like the idea that a character is inherently evil. D. Gray Man is a series full of many characters who are complex and nuanced, so writing off some of them as 'just cruel for no reason' is kinda out of place. Especially when the main villains are just as detailed. With the way things are going for Komui, Bak, and Epstain, I do genuinely wonder if Zhu Mei Chang and Leverrier once drew their own line of morality (as the Night 150 flashback may imply) and then decades of losses led them both to ask, "Survive as sinners or die as saints?"

Personally, I think every last one of the characters listed above who are still alive are headed for a Thanos-esque, "What did it cost? Everything..." tragedy.

Further tragedy has the potential to push even Komui, Bak, and Epstain, further down an ever darkening path. D. Gray Man is not a normal war. Whether they fight for vengeance or pride or to protect those who are left or they feel winning the war no matter the cost is owed to the countless people who have already died, it's still victory or death in the most literal sense for the Order.

That said, for the characters who have already gone too far and crossed the line, there's no redemption nor should there be redemption.

Castlevania Dracula says it best:

There comes a point where even the most determined of soldiers have to ask, "Does the victory justify the atrocities?" and "If this is what it takes to win the war, then maybe we deserve extinction."

Honestly, I really hope Leverrier's character arc ends with him getting yeeted out a window like it's a Prague regime change.

So where's it all going for the younger generation of the Order?

While they don't have the audience's benefit of knowing the war could end within their lifetime and there is in fact a light at the end of the tunnel, they do have the hindsight of knowing what the Order has done, all the mistakes that have led them to this point. Similar to Komui and the other branch heads, they doubly have the stance, "Our predecessors fucked up. In spite of the odds, we can be better. We can break this chain of generational trauma and win the war without the abhorrent methods."

Wanting to be destroyers that save people.

Hanging on to hope.

[llycaons]

this is going to sound awful but I have not historically cared when a protagonist's parents were dead because it tended to be very generic angsty backstory for a shonen protag or whatever but the exception has been wwx I'll be like 'cangse sanren and wei changze never got to to see their son grow up god they loved him so much he would have been so happy with them' and legitimately have to fight off tears. and part of that is because they're charming, if one-dimensional characters, and I think part of it is how hard it is to watch what happens to wwx after his parents died because honestly it feels like that's where it all started

[likealittleheartbeat]

I deeply appreciate how ATLA depicts all the main characters responses to trauma. Aang’s, for me, however, stands out for its rareness in media. And we are not hammered over the head with the idea that Aang (or any other characters) repeatedly act certain ways because of a single traumatic event. Sure, there are key moments in our lives when a certain event comes to the forefront, but no one experiences the world as constant flashbacks. Rather, we see only in retrospect the way our sarcastic sense of humor or our heightened friendliness were protective responses to a deep emotional injury. Being able to understand Aang’s approach to loss is essential for the show. The structure of the series is founded on his arc (despite an incredible foil provided by Zuko). Our little air nomad initially confronts the loss of his people with a full-on meltdown in the episode “The Southern Air Temple,” where Katara’s offering of familial belonging soothes him. But this kind of outburst is not Aang’s primary response (and actually the literally out-of-character apocalyptic tantrums align with Aang’s overall process of grieving). Instead of constantly brooding (hey Zuko!), Aang leans heavily toward the monk’s pacifist teachings and toward his assumed destiny “to save the world.” He becomes overtly accommodating and joyful, constantly trying to see “the good” in everything with a perfectionist’s zeal. This is not to ascribe his bubbliness only to his trauma. Rather, he comes to emphasize this part of his personality for reasons related to the negative emotions he struggles to face.  Book 1: Water

In the first season, Aang is simply rediscovering his place in the world. “Water is the element of change. The people of the water tribe are capable of adapting to many things. They have a sense of community and love that holds them together.” This is vital to Aang as he initially faces his experience. He won’t get through this if he is not prepared for his life to change. Even if he hadn’t been frozen for 100 years, his world would never be the same. This fact involves eventually finding new people that he feels safe with. After such a massive loss, he’s learning who to trust, and also often making mistakes; not only does he find Sokka and Katara (and I’d argue he’s actually slow to truly open up to them), this is the season where he helps save a fire nation citizen who betrays him to soldiers, befriends the rebel extremist Jet, and attempts to befriend an actively belligerent Zuko (his moral complexity had only JUST! been revealed to the kid!). He’s constantly offering trust to others and seeking their approval in opposition to the deep well of shame and guilt he carries as a survivor of violence. This is also the season where Aang swears off firebending after burning Katara in an overeager attempt to master the element (one will note how fire throughout the series is aligned with, above all else, assertiveness and yang). Aang is so eager to be seen as morally good to others that he refuses to risk any possible harm to them.  And asserting himself carries a danger, in one sense, that he might make a mistake and lose someone’s positive regard, and, in another sense, that he is replicating the anger and violence he’s witnessed. He has no relationship to his anger at this stage of his grief, so it comes out uncontrollably, both in firebending and the Avatar State. It’s through the patience of his new family that he can begin to feel unashamed about his past and about the ways his shame is finding (sometimes violent) expression in the present. Book 2: Earth In the second season he begins to trust himself and stand his ground. Earth, after all, is the element of substance, persistence, and endurance. The “Bitter Work” episode encapsulates how Aang must come to a more sturdy sense of his values. First, there is the transition of pedagogical style. While Katara emphasized support and kindness, Toph insists on blunt and threatening instruction, not for a lack of care towards Aang. Instead, it’s so Aang learns how to stop placing the desires of others above his own--to stop accommodating everyone else above his own needs. Toph taunts Aang by stealing one of the few keepsakes from the monastery that he holds onto. This attachment to the lost airbending culture is echoed in the larger arc with Appa. And, by the end of this episode, it is Aang’s attachment to Sokka that allows him to stand firm. This foreshadows the capital T Tragic downfall in the “Crossroads of Destiny.” Aang gives up his attachment to the other member of his new found family, Katara, despite his moral qualms. Although he has access to all the power of the Avatar state, his sacrifice is not rewarded. Season 2 illustrates Aang coming to terms with his values. He is learning about what he stands for, what holds meaning to him. Understanding himself also includes integrating his grief, and there’s a lonely and dangerous aspect to that exploration. We see Aang’s anger and hopelessness over longer stretches rather than outbursts in this season. It’s hard to watch and hard to root for him. That depressive state leads to actions that counter his previous sense of morality, as he decisively kills an animal, treats his friends unkindly, and blames others for his loss. Letting these harsher feelings emerge is an experiment, and most people discover their boundaries by crossing them. Finding ways to hold compassion for himself, even the harm he causes others, is the other side of this process. Our past and our challenging emotions are a part of us, but they are only a part. Since Aang now has a strong sense of community and is learning to be himself rather than simply seeking validation, we also see him having more healthy boundaries with new people. He’s no longer befriending villains in the second season! He’s respectful and trusting enough, but he’s not putting himself in vulnerable situations nor blindly trusting everyone. Instead, he’s more likely to listen to his friends’ opinions or think about how the monks might’ve been critical towards something (they’re complaints about Ba Sing Se, for example). By knowing what he cares for, he can know himself, the powerful, loving, grief-struck monk. And he can trust that, though he might not be everyone’s favorite person, he does not need to feel ashamed or guilty for who he is or what he’s been through. Book 3: Fire However, despite a sense of self and a sense of belonging, Aang and the group still find themselves constantly asking for permission throughout their time in Ba Sing Se. It’s in the third season, Fire, that initiative and assertiveness become the focus. And who better to provide guidance in this than the official prince of “you never think these things through,” Zuko. It’s no longer a time for avoidance or sturdy defensiveness. It is the season of action. Fire is the element of power, desire, and will, all of which require us to impact others.  We see the motif of initiative throughout the season: the rebels attempt to storm the Firelord on the Day of the Black Sun; Aang attempts to share his feelings and kiss Katara; Katara bends Hama and a couple of fire nation soldiers to her will. In each of these examples, the initiators face disgrace. Positive intent does not bring forth success, by any means, only more consequences to be dealt with. This is perhaps Aang’s biggest challenge. He is afraid that his actions will fail, or worse, they will succeed but he will be wrong in what he has chosen. The sequencing in the series, here, is important. We have already seen how Aang has worked to care for (and appreciate) the well-being of others and how he has learned to care for his own needs. With this in mind, he should be able to trust that his actions will derive from these wells of compassion. But easier said than done. Compassion can also trap him into indecision, hearkening back to his avoidant mistake in the storm, in which the whole mess began. Aang’s internal conflict, here, becomes more pronounced as the finale draws nearer. I think it’s especially significant that we witness Aang disagreeing with his mentors and friends. He must act in a way that will contradict and even threaten his sources of support if he is to trust his own desires. Even the fandom disagrees about the choice Aang makes, which further highlights the fact that making a decisive choice is contentious. There is no point in believing it will grant you love or admiration or success. For someone who began (and spent much of) the series regularly sacrificing himself just to bring others peace, Aang’s decision to prioritize his own interests despite the very explicit possibility of failure is the ultimate growth his character can have and the ultimate representation of him processing his trauma. (This arc was echoed and made even more explicit in many ways with Adora in the She-ra finale.) The last significant time Aang followed his desire, in his mind, was when he escaped the Air Temple in the storm. To want something, to trust his desire and act on it, is an act of incredible courage for him, and whether it succeeded or failed, whether anyone agrees or disagrees with it, it offered Aang a sense of peace and resolution. Now I appreciate and love Zuko’s iconic redemption arc, but Aang’s subtler arc, which subverts the “chosen one” narrative and broke ground to represent a prevalent emotional experience, stands out to me as the foundation for the show I love so much.

[astudyinfreewill]

sigh. hello supernatural fandom, i see a new s16 episode has dropped.

i just. want to make it very clear that despite whatever endearing cas-related details may be found in the 15x19 and 15x20 scripts, like... the scripts are still shite? not that the episodes themselves are not complete and utter shite, but the scripts simply aren’t any better. i’m sorry, they’re just not.

just going in order of the things of note i’ve seen:

15x19

dean and michael’s short conversation about fathers is kinda neat, but ultimately pointless - it was to death (and better) in s5, and it adds nothing to an episode where michael comes back just to betray the boys, get called a cuck, and die

jack suddenly, randomly being able to ~absorb God Energy™️~ is still dumb as fuck, even if we were shown a clip of it happening before the biG rEvEaL 

...okay, okay, i’ll concede: i DID get emo about it being explicit in the script that it was cas who changed dean’s mind about himself with his speech in 15x18. and on one hand, i cannot fucking believe bucklemming randomly gave us one (1) right. but on the other hand it’s like... literally nothing. we pieced it together because it made implicit narrative sense, but cas’s impact is never acknowledged in words. literally if we didn’t have a degree in “reading the jackles microexpressions” it might have never landed.

jack hugging dean and sam before leaving would’ve been cute but it doesn’t make his sudden decision to leave any less frustrating. they spent seasons complaining about an absent god that wasn’t close to humans... and then they ended with the kid they supposedly raised losing his human part and removing himself from the narrative. how’s that different? riddle me that while you’re hanging out in every blade of grass (and maybe i’d care more about jack if he wasn’t literally constantly written as a plot device and schrödinger’s family)

cannot EXPRESS enough how bafflingly infuriating and tragic i find it that the boys’ “happy ending” included LITERALLY every one of their friends dying or being removed from their lives???? are ya winning, sons???

15x20

THAT CAST LIST THOUGH. how are you gonna plan on bringing back jody and rowena and eileen in the finale and NOT CAS? i love all those ladies to death, but none of them were the show’s third lead for a decade. literally HOW. and don’t get me started on how JENNY NOLASTNAME is billed higher than any of them

“WHAM! Sam SHOVES the pie into Dean’s face!” actually go eat a dick andrew

dean worrying over miracle: again, cute, but pointless, given the ending dean gets

“if cas(s) was here-” “he’s not”. what is this?? why the insistence on sam bringing cas up and dean shutting it down?? i swear the only two ways of reading this are “dean randomly stopped giving a shit about cas after cas came out to him” and “dean is actively suicidal over cas dying and can’t bring himself to talk about it” and they BOTH suck. also “if cas was here” HEADASS... AMBULANCES ARE STILL A THING FUCKING CALL 911

i’m sorry listen i don’t mean to be a cold-hearted bitch but. are we supposed to... be emotionally distraught about sam calling jody/rowena/au!charlie/eileen, and telling them about dean’s death? first of all, as long as you’re bringing the actresses on set, WHY not have them at the funeral. but also like. jody, sure, i get it. rowena... she definitely had more of a bond with sam, but sure, i’ll take it. au!charlie barely even knew them. would she really be distraught??? 

and don’t get me started on how spectacularly STUPID it is to show sam calling eileen, and having eileen break down over losing one of her family - evidently someone she considered close to a brother-in-law due to her relationship with sam - and then just NEVER SHOW HER AGAIN. and that was a WRITING CHOICE - she was not simply erased in post production, the script straight up SAYS we don’t know who sam ends up with at the end. why bring her back at all then??? why write her into the story?? are we supposed to infer sam broke up with her on that same phone call???

sam’s kid “joined the family business too”... oh so sam didn’t get a white picket fence ending? oh so dean’s ~sacrifice~ wasn’t so sam could have a normal life? oh so sam didn’t forget about eileen because he wanted to get away from hunting bEcAuSe iT’s wHaT dEaN wOuLd wAnT? so there was literally no reason for ANY of it to go that way???

god, what a shitshow. anyway, this leaves me with two certainties: one, that yeah, choices were absolutely made in filming/editing/post-production to remove any and all reference to cas. and two, that even BEFORE that, the scripts erased cas and eileen all on their own. now, i know there was talk of the last two scripts being rewritten several times, and i don’t know what pressures (if any) were made on the writers. but the fact is it was written that way. they CHOSE to write jody/rowena/eileen/au!charlie into the final episode and not cas. they CHOSE to remind us of eileen only to make it clear she would not end up with sam. they CHOSE to write that dean would get no emotional resolution with cas, and would die a pointless death only for sam to keep hunting while also living an unremarkable, miserable, fast-forward-montage life. sure, i blame the network and producers, but don’t talk to me about how good the dabb era writing is. just don’t. 

[uhhhhyandere]

If you're still doing requests how about omegaverse with omega Light and alpha m!reader who's a kickboxer. The reader's and Light's families are close and have high expectations of the two eventually marrying in the future, but the reader has no interest in being tied down and focused solely in his training and career. Lately he's noticed that some of his belongings have gone missing, like an old shirt or his boxing gloves, strangely enough the medication to help control his ruts keep (1/2)

running out quick, but writes it off as him being absentminded. One day he's forced to visit Light at his house and catches his scent forcing the reader into a rut, mating with Light all the while unaware they're under surveillance by the task force but Light finds this highly amusing. Now with mating bite and possibly pregnant, Light is tied to the reader no matter what now. (2/2)

we ain't gonna talk about how this has been sitting in my inbox for more than a year and ain't gonna talk about how i’ve almost had it done for more than a year, then forgot until i was digging through my drafts. no comment. i stink. i know, okay?!?!?!?!?!? AAAAHHH but i had fun finishing it so that’s what matters!! 

6.6k words m!reader x light :) 

warnings: smut! light is a.bottom and that's a hill i’ll die on.

Sweat, blood, and tears. It’s all you’ve ever known, and it’s all you’ve come to love and live for. The adrenaline of the ring, the quick, decisive movements, the thrill of winning, and the lessons learned from losing, it all accelerates your pulse and excites your nerves. Hard work never daunted you. You’ve learned to keep pushing, to run when you can’t walk, to fight when you’re knocked down, and to do whatever it took to come out on top. Your alpha blood craved the victory.

5am runs followed by strength training, then workouts after school was a routine you forced into your system. With your lifestyle, however, there was no other option. Strength. Flexibility. Reflexes. You needed everything to be successful. At the forefront of that “everything,” was commitment. There were things you had to miss because of training: family dinners, parties, club meetings, and more you’ve gotten an earful about for missing, but at least your family understood that boxing was your livelihood, no matter how much they were against it. It wasn’t some hobby you were going to drop when you got older. You wanted to make a career out of it, to be able to fight until you have to retire. 

Of course, that was the plan. There were things, expectations, that naturally got in the way. It wasn’t ideal when your only son wanted to be a boxer of all things. How dangerous, risky, a dream you only have as a child. Well, fuck them, you said. Your dream was going to be your reality, and you couldn’t care less who or what stood in the way. Hard work perseveres in the end. You just had to focus. To get distracted by anything was the risk of losing that future. 

The Yagami’s were a prime risk of losing that future. Your families were intertwined from before you were even born. Friends through their years of schooling and beyond. They married in the same year, moved into houses on the same block, and, of course, had their oldest child in the same year. It was like clockwork from there on out, a script to be naturally followed through the course of time. It only helped all the better when you were born an alpha and Light an omega. 

Light’s and your baby pictures were taken together. Vacations were taken together. Chief Yagami pulled strings at school so you were put into the same class, assigned the same tutor, put in the same prep course, and the same private academy. At that point, you were almost sure your parents wanted to be there when you two undoubtedly mate. Your paths were carved to be identical, linked to the very end, yet so you saw them as so incredibly different. 

However, you and Light were fundamentally different people. He was not a friend you chose, but someone who’s just been there. A constant, a tick on the back of your neck that left you with no choice but to live with its existence. You’ve come to accept the reality that he’s going to be there for the near future, the far future if your parents had anything to say about it. They and the Yagami’s had a matching plan, but while they were audibly planning your wedding, you were conniving a scheme of your own. 

The Koyanagi Invitational. Held at the beginning of January, this tournament-style invitational welcomes only the best of the best in fighters from all over Japan. The winners almost always see themselves on the international stage. It’s a nationally televised program, and you were only one win away from securing your spot in round one after your championship match for your region coming up soon. 

Your time is always dedicated to your passion, but now more than ever. Your trainer, an alum of the invitational himself, has allotted the time you desired to train in the gym at the expense of his other lessons. The trade-off was after your championship, you had to find another place for the time it will take to make up all the canceled lessons with the clients you were replacing for the time being, which shouldn’t be hard to do if—when you win the regional championship. Therefore, your time was acutely cut short for academics, social events, and everything else that was not training, but those were the sacrifices you warned everyone you would be making to come this far and reach even farther. You were not even keeping track of Kira at this point. Even that was on the backburner. What? Were they going to kill you for missing dinner with the Yagami’s for the third time this week? 

“Y/N,” your name was called. Through the surging endorphins of your body, you were able to feel good enough to answer the call from your father from the sweat you were yet to shower off. You’d rather reek on the way home rather than use the gym showers. Dropping your bag from your shoulder, you rub the muscle there as you approach the full table. “You were supposed to be home forty-five minutes ago.” You sighed, dropping your hands back to your sides. “Yeah, sorry, dad. Lost track of time. Coach was fixing my style again. Swarmer has always been good for me, I think. Just refining it.” You didn’t miss the shared look between your parents. 

“Well, it’s a good thing we scheduled this later because we knew you’d do this,” your mother says, low heat in her voice. “Get cleaned up and be down here in no more than ten minutes.” Biting your tongue, you nodded, making eye contact with Light as you turned to grab your bag and follow her request. “You could at least put jeans on.” You weren’t even down the hallway when your mother spoke again. This time, you were not being civil for the company’s sake and didn’t bother concealing your groan.  

“It’s not like we have company over.” The Yagami’s were over for dinner or you were over there at least four times a week. It would be odder to have dinner with just three instead of seven (or five, if you missed due to training or Soichiro because of the Kira case) people around the table. You pulled out the chair they left for you beside Light and lowered yourself into it, immediately taking another drink of water from the gallon water bottle you lugged around. “Or, at least, no one new.”  

“Y/N—,”

“No, he’s quite right. There’s no need to dress up for us. We’re practically family already.” Mrs. Yagami, your savior, laughed. “Light just always does,” which is wildly true. Light had a tendency to always look presentable and put-together no matter where the setting was. Late-night study sessions and other in-house cases were the only occasions you would see him clad in anything comfortable. Then, there was you, in your sweats at all times except when you were forced into your uniform at school. 

Luckily enough, the comparison game was not thrown between the two of you too often. It wasn’t necessary when your parents were convinced you would mate and live the rest of your lives together. An unspoken truth that simmered in the air whenever you all got together. 

“How is your training going anyway, Y/N?” Soichiro was an odd sight at the table anymore. The Kira case was an equivalent time commitment to your championship training, (except he gets paid to almost die. You get into fights willingly) and it was more and more late nights on the investigation team.

Especially now, of all times, with the dead FBI agents from the United States the news mentioned one morning, he was busier than ever. 

“Gets harder and harder, Mr. Yagami. Though, I’m keeping up. With the championship on the seventh, I can’t afford not to. The guy’s a monster from what I’ve heard. Tomorrow we’re watching his match from the semi’s.” Your mother cleared her throat. 

“Soichiro, sorry. We just prefer not to talk about business at the dinner table. Our son has a tendency to talk about fighting at all hours of the day, so we cherish this time where we don’t have to hear about it.” Ignoring her blatancy, you took another drink. 

“Well, I like to hear about it.” It was Light who spoke up. “It’s his passion, with all due respect. Do you not see it when his eyes light up when he describes his feelings or explains his regime? He’s someone with an innate gift he wants to pursue. Not to mention the strength he possesses to live this lifestyle. If anything, you should be proud to hear him talk about it, the time he dedicates. It’s nothing short of awe-striking, what he can do.” Your skin feeling unbearably hot, you blinked a few times and hoped to hide from the admirable line of defense Light brought up for you. Peeking from your pit of embarrassment, you met his eyes, bright and unabashed, and you smiled a silent thank you to him. He, without moving a single facial feature, accepted it. 

Instead of seeing the literal meaning of his words, you knew your parents saw the underlying tone of them. Their son being stood up for by Light Yagami. It must mean Light cared for him. Another step towards the future they have been quietly planning, so they smiled, and you wondered if Light saw through it just as easily as you did. 

He and you never sat down and had a conversation about your parents’ expectations. Whether it was reluctance or the pure awkwardness of it all, it never came up when you were together. It didn’t matter, though, because if you could avoid it, which you could easily with your training, you would. At all costs. You did not have the time for that and would not for anytime soon. 

After dinner, Light and you were pushed to do the dishes, as you always were if you were present. He washed, and you dried and put them away. In the midst of the sink running and the clinking of dishes, you found yourself with the desire to properly thank him outside of the small look you gave him before, but thought twice, three times about it at risk of looking too thankful and soft. “Just say it,” he spoke instead. 

“What?”  

“You look like you have something to say. You’ve glanced at me twenty-three times in the past seven minutes.” Despite the small grin on his face, you still couldn’t help but consider saying “it’s nothing,” which he would undoubtedly disbelieve, and let it blow over. Knowing him, though, he would twist it out of your system anyway, like a lawyer rinsing the truth in a cross-examination. 

“Just—uh thanks, man. For before.” Light laughed, scrubbing in the curve of a bowl. 

“You don’t have to thank me for something like that. You’re the type of person society needs, and to have someone talk down at you for being excited about your dreams is wrong. I was only doing the right thing, and I’d do it again.” You avoided his gaze as he explained, suddenly invested in drying the utensils one-by-one. 

“Well, yeah, means a lot.” 

Was Light’s smell always so nice? Yes, you weren’t going to fool yourself that this was the first time you’ve noticed. You’ve been nearby during one of his heats, and you remember nearly falling out into your own primal senses because of it. If it weren’t for your own reluctant self-control, you’re not sure where that night would have gone to. You’ve managed to deduce his smell to be some sort of chestnut, brown sugar mix. Intoxicating, but undeniably would foster an unwarranted reaction from you if you were too close during those times. 

Not to mention that you’ve noticed Light’s good looks sporadically throughout the past. While he plays tennis, focuses on a particularly confusing calculus problem, biting his lip and twiddling the pencil between his digits, or just smiles at you from across the hall at school, you’ve acknowledged it, but never let it grow to anything else. You didn’t want to. Sure, he was handsome, but you had a million other things to focus on than to be tied down by any sort of relationship. Besides, if worse comes the worse, your self-control is unmatched from your countless hours of training. No single individual could sway you from your path.

“It’s really nothing. Like I said, don’t mention it.” And you didn’t plan on it. Light stayed to finish up homework as well as teach you a good two-thirds of the material before telling you he was heading out on his short walk home after you returned from a quick bathroom break. It was getting close to the bedtime that enabled you to get your full eight hours before 5am.

The closer the championship came, the less you saw of people. You ate breakfast and left earlier, came to school right from the gym, (yes, you resigned yourself to shower in the disgusting stalls) went back to the gym after school, and got home later. It gave you less time to do homework or hang out with anyone that wasn’t your trainer. Good thing you had your good friend Light who insisted it was fine to stay late in your room and catch you up on what you were behind in. 

It only made sense, then, with your exponentially increasing schedule that things started to become hectic. Of course, you were missing more of what you usually missed, but most recently you’ve begun to misplace things. A t-shirt you knew you had in the drawer, your go-to nighttime sweatshirt, a pair of shorts. You figured some might be at the gym or dropped in your transit from one place to another, but your sweatshirt never left your house and you sure as hell never left it in the hamper to get washed. 

It was just your busy schedule, you and your parents agreed. You needed to step back and relax if you were beginning to lose things. Plus, you were hardly sleeping with your anxiety building for the coming fight and the late nights you were practically forcing Light to pull with you.

“You don’t have to do this with me all the time,” you mentioned one night. “If I’m messing with your schedule or anything, I know it’s probably super inconvenient for you to do this so often. I never asked—.”

“You didn’t have to,” he answered. “It’s no trouble. I offered, after all. It’s not like I see you much outside of these sessions anyway. Even at school, you seem to always be in a hurry. I’m actually pretty worried about you. How much sleep are you getting? Are you eating enough? Drinking?” You waved him off. 

“You know I always do. I have to eat and drink enough to do this in the first place. I don’t carry a gallon bottle around for the gains, after all.”  

“And your sleep?” You glanced towards your window. 

“Needs work these days.” A small whack resounded off your temple. Surprised, you watched the weapon be flipped between the assaulter’s fingers in front of you. “What was that for?” 

“Don’t be stupid. I get you want to work hard for your match coming up but killing yourself with all this hard work and no rest will undoubtedly lead to your defeat. It’s common sense. You should know that more than anyone.” You set your pen on the desk, the fatigue weighing your eyes down. “Even your dark circles are even showing.” You relaxed your shoulders. “You don’t have to put up your tough guy front with me.”  

“You don’t have to put up your perfect student façade either.” You paused. “Sorry. Uncalled for. You’re right, as usual. I love it though. I want to be the best, and this guy I’m coming up against? He’s a maniac. This is the first tournament he hasn’t gone below the belt or spit on an opponent. Who knows when he’ll start, though? I have to be quick. This fight cannot last long, or this guy will injure me. I can’t afford that if I’m moving on to Koyanagi.” You laughed. “You’re really right. You know I’ve been losing stuff left and right? Old shirt here, that black sweatshirt I wear all the time? Gone. No idea. Some tape in my bag. It’s like some leprechaun is stealing my stuff.” 

“They’ll turn up. Maybe if you get a proper night’s sleep tomorrow and train only in the afternoon, you’ll remember where you left them.” You groaned, stretching in your spot and allowing yourself to slouch against the wall you leaned against and to shut your eyes. “Hey, at least finish this last problem and sleep in your bed.” 

“Don’t want to. I’ll sleep right here.” 

And you did, because Light Yagami was too weak to lift you up.

A sore back and neck now healed, you found yourself wrapping your hands for the long-awaited match in the locker room. Heart already beginning to pound, you tried to find solace in the silence around you, but all you could hear was the rhythm against your ribs. 

“You ready, kid?” Your coach asked from the entranceway. “Two minutes.” You nodded, reaching into your bag and finding odd space in there. No fucking way. Though your old boxing gloves were present, your current ones were not. God, another thing my dumbass lost. There was no time to sit and shit on yourself. I just lost the fucking match for myself, damn it! You didn’t think about it long before you exited the locker room and into the blur of voices and music on the other side. Your opponent stood on the other side of the room, taller and wider than yourself. “Size ain’t nothing kid. Put your confidence into work too here. Don’t forget the mental part of the fight, ya hear me?” 

You didn’t. In the crowd, you saw your family and the Yagami’s looking either nervous or excited. The camera crews around swung cameras across the area of the mat. As your name was announced and you entered the ring, the lights began to move around you. The crowd cheered and yelled in excitement. Your coach encouraged you from behind you.

Sweat, blood, and tears. It is what has gotten you this far, and it will continue to bring you higher. You did not train and work to lose right where you should be beginning. As your opponent entered from the other corner, the familiar sense of adrenaline rushed your veins. Yes, you could do this. 

Ten  

Nine 

Eight 

Seven

Six 

Five

Four 

Three 

Two 

One 

K.O.

You woke up in your bed the next morning. A white ceiling, white walls beeping a steady heartbeat around you. Then, it all came coming back. The elbow, all the dirty moves used against you pounded in your skin. Out of everything, your head ached the most. Tiny explosions cascaded your brain as you rolled your head along your pillow. 

“You’re awake!” It was your father. “Your mother’s worried sick. That stupid asshole. Why they didn’t disqualify him after the first dirty hit, I’ll never know, but you had a fair fight.” You squinted through the migraine.

“…Did I win?”

“From a DQ, yeah. Hardly counts, and I’m sure you hardly feel like it. The guy was a nutcase. The kind that takes out their aggression through the sport rather than respecting it. You’re gonna be out for the count for a while, you know that, right? Grade three concussion. You’re going to have to take a break. Me and your trainer already called every gym around and put you on the blacklist—,”

“But dad—,”

“Nope, I’m not going to hear it. You are not allowed to even think about working out or training. We are going to keep our eyes on you at all times because we all know how you think and what you’re going to try to pull. Recovery is the most important part of an injury. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll never get better in time for the invitational. Got it?” You guffawed. 

“You can’t keep eyes on me at all times.” 

“Not me, personally, but there is someone with a similar schedule to you that you happen to go to school with and happens to live around the block.” You glared at the man. 

“You recruited Light into helping you, didn’t you?” He shrugged and took the steps forward to stand at the foot of the bed. 

“It’s more so he volunteered. He knows just as well as the rest of us you need to be watched or you’ll train at some faraway gym or secluded area. It’s for your best interest. You’ll go to school with him and he’ll take you back to their place until we get home—.”

“I don’t need a goddamned babysitter,” you bit out. 

“On the contrary, would you not sneak off to train despite your condition?” You shook your head. You were in no condition to be having an argument, yet you stood your ground. 

“It’s the lack of trust for me.”

“Yeah, we don’t. Not when it comes to putting your health first. Light was even telling us about how you’re behind in school too. With a concussion, you’ll need help anyway. Discussion over.” If your headache could get any worse, you were pretty sure it would have. 

Not that you thought that he was kidding, but you weren’t expecting the doorbell to ring so early as you brushed your teeth, a towel wrapped around your waist from your shower. Spitting quickly, you left wet footprints across the wood floor as you approached the door. 

“By god,” you muttered, opening the door. “You really were enlisted, huh?” Light shrugged. 

“Well, by the looks of it, you didn’t go out earlier to work out than usual in order to look like you didn’t, unless you’re showering from a quick one between when your parents left for work and I got here.” You rolled your eyes, opening the door wider and stepping aside to allow him room to enter.

“Funny. No, I just got up. Guy really did me in one, and you don’t actually have to listen to my parents. You know I’m not going to go do anything that can put my recovery at risk.” He slid his bag off his shoulder and set it on the couch. 

“I know you, and the second you don’t wake up in pain, you’re gone. Sitting back and doing nothing kills you, after all. I don’t need to have known you my entire life to tell you that.” The side of your lip quirked. 

“Yeah, whatever. Let me get some clothes on,” you turned around and returned to the bathroom. Putting on the folded clothes you left in the corner, you grabbed your bag from your bedroom and met with the boy digging into his bag. “Ready, babysitter? I’m going to call you that all day, by the way. No matter who we’re with.”

“Great. I can’t wait.” …

It wasn’t so bad, having a sitter. You mean, you were with Light when you weren’t training, anyway. Going to his house every day after school was even normal, mind the odd words being thrown around the school by the observers. No one confronted you about it, which came as no surprise. Who was going to confront a boxer about those kinds of rumors? 

Light didn’t seem to mind, either. As one of the top bachelors of the whole school, you were sure he had to be aware of them. Just like your parents’ desired future for the two of you, you never spoke of it. Perhaps he was as nervous to bring it up as you were, or at least as reluctant. Still, nothing would change. If he would not speak of it, neither would you.

You never suspected, however, for that dam of silence to ever break in either of you. …

It was nearing the end of your recovery when the only thing between you and getting back in the ring was a doctor’s okay. Your parents and the Yagami’s were going out for a “night on the town,” quote-on-quote. Sayu was at a sleepover, and your parents ordered you to make your way over to Yagami household. 

“It’s getting close to you being cleared. No point in ruining it now, Y/N. Just go. You probably have work he has to teach you anyway.” You glared at your parents as they stood adamant. “Go. We will have him drag you there.” “As if he could,” you muttered.

“Let me in!” Two minutes of knocking, you resigned to lifting up the third rock from the right and grabbing the key from the underside. After you broke in three times in a week at age seven, you would think they’d change the key’s location. 

You set your possible overnight bag on the couch. On the main floor, it was quiet, which wasn’t all surprising. Light has been spending more time in his bedroom than ever. That was saying a lot, itself, because he was always in there in the first place. Perhaps he wasn’t expecting you. You grinned.

Footsteps light, you tiptoed up the stairs and turned the corner. There were small noises coming from the other side of his door that you could hear from the far side of the hall. As you creep closer, you couldn’t necessarily distinguish what the noises were. Nonetheless, it was clue enough he was too preoccupied to notice the huge scare you’re about to give him. 

Hand on the doorknob, you turned it and screamed as you entered.

Though, turns out you were the one that got more scared. Not in fright, but of shock. Light, however, remained composed as ever despite the position you caught him in.

His smell overpowered the room. You nearly were kicked back from it. Back bent upwards off the bed, his mouth agape with small guttural moans and breathless gasps escaping it, all while his hand worked every so slowly stroking his cock. His other hand fisted what you recognized as your lost sweatshirt covering his nose and mouth. Above the material, his eyes were trained on yours, head rolled to the side as his motion continued. 

“Jesu—what? Is that my…” Looking around the slightly torn up room, you recognized t-shirts, tape, and even your current pair of boxing gloves lying around the room or on his bed. “I-I don’t…” His fist threw the sweatshirt to the side as the hand came down hard on the bed. 

“You don’t—mmh—what? Get it? I know you’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer at times, but you can put this together, can’t—uh—you?” His grin grew wider and more wicked as he took in your reaction. “I’ll say, you have an unspeakable amount of willpower, but I think—ah—I’ve had enough of it.” 

“What do you mean? Did—did you plan this?! To trigger my fucking—ugh.” He rolled his eyes. Whether it was from pleasure or annoyance, you couldn’t tell, and your mind wasn’t really in a state to think about it under the current conditions. 

He had you trapped. His smell corrupted the very air around you and seeped into your skin. It was overpowering. You could feel your rut, your ever so clandestine, rut-stained self, emerging from its thick chains. You couldn’t even take a step backward or turn to open the unlocked door. All of your nerves screamed at you to take him. To make him scream so that all he could say, all he could even think about, was you, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t. 

Because this isn’t what you wanted. You didn’t want to be linked with him outside of your parents’ desire for you and him to be wed one day. This was the path to that future, the future that distracted you from your goal.

Light shifted to stand above your lack and bent form that was on its last legs before the rut would take over. A hand softly stroked your head, as a parent would stroke a child’s, and set itself under your chin. It nudged upwards, forcing your gaze to his. At such close vicinity, the scent, his scent, him, it was all you could perceive. 

“You really are the worst. The epitome of holding yourself—your desires—back. I know you don’t want what our parents want. I know the thought of something tearing you from your dream kills you. I know that you think that this,” he motioned between the two of you, “would be the exact definition of a distraction, so you’ve pushed it all down. Never acknowledging its existence. Well, do you acknowledge it now?” 

You didn’t answer. You were nervous about what would come out of your mouth if anything did. Your willpower would die with the next exhale you took. Annoyed with your last stand, he dragged his hand from your neck to your shoulder and shoved your weak state down so you were on your knees. He leaned down so his breath ghosted over your lips.

“You really put on a show for me, you know. Answering the door with only your towel on back then. Deep down, I think you want this too. Deep down, you know that this was bound to happen. Just like your pain in a fight, you ignore it. You’re not a complicated individual to figure out. Just give in. What’s the harm in letting someone else take the reins for once?” He stared down at you, you felt it, but you refused to meet it, choking on shallow breathes in order not to inhale his scent too much. You remained silent, using your leftover strength to power onto your two feet. 

“Not going to talk? Fine. Your mouth could—,” you didn’t even allow him the time to finish the sentence or pull through on what you knew was going to be his statement as you rushed to shove him rough enough to force him to fall on his ass on the floor next to the bed. He looked up at you from his seated position, eyes wide and excited. You seemed more shocked than him and took a step backward towards the door. His eyes, yellowed and urgent, followed your movements. 

Swallowing, you willed yourself to extend your hand down as a form of apology: one you were unable to voice in current conditions. Light’s hand, soft and delicate, grasped is softly at first, allowing you to lift him to stand just over the bed, then squeezed, brought his other hand to your forearm. and tugged your unsuspecting form onto the bed with him, so you unwillingly straddled his legs. 

He was quick to surge upward and lock his arms around your neck. Meeting his lips was kissing the devil himself: everything about it was all-consuming, hot, wrong. Light did not start out slow, just as he was with everything else. With guns blazing, his tongue tore open your lips and invaded your now open maw with vigor and power your conscious self could not meet. He brought his hands to your ass and tugged you forward to push your bodies tight together. Breaking only to breathe and begin to force your shirt up your abdomen with his cold fingers. You helped. God, you shouldn’t have, but your clothes were getting so hot. As soon as the article was off, Light latched to your neck, teeth quick to bite. You gasped, tilting your head back to reveal more skin to him. He brought his hand up and tugged on your hair, eliciting another groan from your lips. 

“For someone who abhorred the thought of us together, you seem to be enjoying yourself.” His mouth continued down your form, biting the skin, and then licking the newly affected area. By now, you could feel your length suffocating even under the looseness of sweatpants. The undeniable urge for relief, for him, the one who was adjusting you to stand in front of him. An obvious, wordless request to rid yourself of your confines. “Go on. I’m waiting,” he said, leaning back to show his nude-self off. His cock glistening with a delightful mix of slick and precum. Inviting. Warning. Waiting. Jesus, you needed your fucking pants off! 

Hurrying to get your legs bare, you allowed your own slick to make its first drops onto the floor. Light did not make any moves, only locking his eyes onto yours. A silent argument, but you were in no mood to trifle in such affairs with your mind clouded. Surging forward, you would have been able to straddle him once more would it not be for his hand solidly placed on your abdomen. “I said, I’m waiting, you sex-craved beast. Tell me how much you need this. How much you want to be mine. To follow the path carved for you with me. I have enough here to get me through my heat, but you don’t get ruts too often, do you?” Why and how this twig held so much authority, you would never know. 

“Just let me—,”

“Let you?” He laughed. “Do you think you’re the one in charge here? What? You think because you’re physically stronger, because you’re an alpha, that you get dominance here?” His eyes, though yellow, spoke true on his words. They demanded compliance. “Now, be a good boy, and beg to fuck me. Beg to stick your cock inside me.” To stress his point, he ground upwards ever so slightly. You hissed at the contact. 

“God, please just let me—please just—fuck. Light, I need to fuck you. I need to take you, to mate you, to—fuck—I want you to scream for me, and only me. I want your throat raw from how loud and how much you scream for me.” You gripped the headboard above him while your other hand trailed down his lithe body coated in sweat until it reached his hole. His slick dripped from there due to his heat so that your finger slipped right in. Light moaned. “Fuck, you’re so tight. Please,” you slipped a second, then the third digit in. Light’s teeth dug into his bottom lip as his back arched to meet the thrust of your fingers. 

“Shit, it feels so good, Y/N, alpha. Go on. Mate me. Be mine forever just as I’d be yours.” You adjusted yourself to settle comfortably between his legs and used your hands to lift them, bending him in half to expose himself to you. You hissed as his first squeeze around you before you continued to sink in. Shared moans filled the room as you cursed out for each other. “Yes, feel how tight I am for you, how your cock was meant for me.” Heat shot through every nerve fiber of your being, and you did not bother to begin your thrust languidly. Instead, you rushed to build to a quick, pounding pace. Your rut pushing you to go deeper, and faster as he tightened around your length. Your hips met his groan with an audible smack, and, at a certain angle, Light cried out. “What are you… waiting for…? Bite… me. Claim me, you beast.” 

You could barely hear his words through your focus, your feeling, and, after a short while, even Light could not manage words. Only gasps, moans, and a few small screams escaped his lips and you sought your release. Closer, and closer, and closer… fuck. You ground your pelvis into his. 

“Shit, I’m gonna—oh, fuck,” you whispered, a quiet worship into the air as you allowed yourself to empty within him. You pulled out slowly, watching small amounts of liquid viscously drool out. Light’s skin was flushed deeply red, sweat glistening off his skin, and cock red, pulsing, and heavy against his torso. His labored breaths from his wide, open mouth forced his stomach to rapidly grow and shrink before he quickly regained himself and focused his eyes on you.

“What? Do you think I’m done with you?” He smirked, still breathing heavily, chest rising and falling. “Come here.” You let his legs go to allow him to surge forward and capture your lips with his own. “I’m still rock hard. Why don’t you do down there and do something about it, hm?” Light supported his point by guiding your hand to grasp his cock. “Go on.” 

His scent was all-consuming. Your nose trailing the skin of his cock as it followed your tongue up and down his length. You swirled your tongue around this head while your hand worked the base of his cock. “Eyes on me, alpha. Eyes on your omega, now.” Yellowed eyes dared you to look away. “Go on, and take me in.” Light gasped as you swallowed him. “Fuck, fuck, yeah. Now, suck. Yes. Just like that. Bob your head—just like,” he grasped your head and guided your movements, “that, yes. Damn, you’re a terribly slow study with math, but fuck, you learn to suck cock quickly.”

You followed his instructions, hand lightly teasing his balls, mouth taking him deep then pulling back, until you began to move on your own volition. “Oh, yes. I’m gonna- fuck. You better fucking swallow all of me. I don’t want to see a single drop on the bed.” Light watched with sick delight as you struggled to take his spend in. He was quick to reach down when you retracted your mouth, sealing your jaw shut with his hand until he saw your adam’s apple bob. “Oh, good boy. Now,” ignoring your painfully—once again—hard cock, he pulled you back up, “claim me. Bite me, alpha. Do it.” 

“N-no, I can’t.” 

“You can and you will. Go ahead.” Light moved his locks and stretched his neck out to you. There was nothing more you wanted to do than sink your teeth into the smooth stretch, to have your scent follow him as he walked around the school every day. “Bite me, Y/N. Do it now,” and you did. Light howled in pleasure as copper filled your mouth. You licked the raw skin before sinking you teeth in deeper and sucking what you can. 

“Light,” you pulled back, eyes blown wide. “I—,” he shushed you by tightly gripping your cock with a wide smile. 

“It all worked perfectly,” he said, beginning to stroke your length in tandem with his words. “I thought replacing your gloves would cause you to lose, to grieve, to stay here, but when I heard of your opponent and talked with him just a bit before your match, angering him about what kind of person you were, I had to. I had to.” You bit your bottom lip, unable to articulate words as he picked up his pace, tightened and loosened his grip, and brought in his other hand. “It hurt to see you injured, but I had to what had to be done. I needed you to make me yours. You don’t belong with anyone else besides me. Your dreams, your work ethic, your body, your mind, they’re all mine, and now, with this,” he motions to the raw, bloodied skin of his neck, “my plan has come to fruition beautifully. It’s like the universe deemed it so.” Your breathing escalated. His thumb moved to tease the head of your cock. “You’re all,” he laughed, “fucking mine.” 

He met your lips the same time your release spilled into the open air. “Now,” he leaned back, “let’s keep going, hm?”

[poisonheadcrabsalesman]

More therapy thoughts part 1/?

Behavior Theory Frameworks/Conditioning and What the fuck does Master Chief talk about in therapy?

Ramblings below - like a lot, like I spent too much time writing this and you should not read this

Behavioral Theory could work well as a framework with rehabilitating Spartan IIs if the case worker focused on Operant Conditioning Theory and Cognitive Social Learning Theory, which I talked about in this ask because I think I’m funny and this blog is an archive of me applying human behavior theories to video games.

Spartans have always been taught the mission comes first! Always! The 2s are indoctrinated from age 6-14 and then have that reinforced the rest of their lives. From the beginning they are taught to push themselves to the limits, earn their food by winning, form bonds with teammates but be ready to sacrifice them for the mission. The whole lives wasted vs spent conversation between John and Mendez after the augmentation surgery!

What the UNSC/ONI wants comes before their lives, the lives of other soldiers, civilians, AI etc. This constant conditioning of expectations and rewards has created the norms cemented in their minds. This becomes standard operating procedure.

Spartans are also an entirely separated social group, other people have made really great posts on how they are Othered and have their own way of communicating with body language. ODSTs hate Spartans, marines see them as cyborgs or saviors, and while they’re allies, Spartans are not seen or treated as human, by literally everyone. They are a means to an end, with the original goal being to maintain the UNSC’s position of power and crush the insurrectionists in the outer colonies, but uh oh Aliens!

Maybe the 2s aren’t as expendable as the 3s but the mindset and reinforcement of “mission first, people second” being repeated their entire lives is going to stick. So is the constant mistreatment and abuse from their fellow soldiers and handlers. 

Addressing the cognitive distortions that come from their upbringing while also balancing the fact that Spartans are so fundamentally different from the way they developed to survive would be so much work, especially considering how much information on them is given to their therapist.  The main distortion I would apply is minimization, making large problems small and not properly dealing with them, and specifically for John, personification, accepting blame for negative events without sufficient evidence. 

Like these are grown ass super soldiers who can kill you in less than a second and calculate the amount of gravity in a room on the fly but then also can flounder when trying to comfort civilians or make small talk because their experiences and values are so alien to adults who had more developmentally “normal” lives. 

Literally applying therapy to Spartans would be like, what was done to you was wrong, the ends do not justify the means, you were children and the adults in your life failed to protect you. You are a human person who is fallible and did the best you could with what you had. And the Spartan would say, “sounds fake but okay, can I pass my psych eval and go back to war now please?”

Jumping back to Behavior Theory

Different approaches to therapy under the Behavior Theory umbrella help modify negative behaviors with treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical behavior therapy that teach individuals adaptive coping like emotional regulation, distress tolerance, cognitive distortions, and interpersonal communication. And that’s just one framework under the umbrella of human behavior theories.

Social work therapy is different from psych as it approaches individuals with heavily researched, evidence-based theories and frameworks in a holistic viewing of person-in-environment, instead of a strong focus on internal psychology. 

Social work looks at all the interacting systems, environment, history, and internal and external factors affecting an individual. One of the most useful frameworks is the Biopsychosocial-Spiritual Frameworks (BPSS) when helping a client. It helps with identifying all the intersecting factors, both risk and protective, that shapes a client’s lived experiences. The most important thing to remember is that the individual is an expert in their own life, they know their experiences best.

The hardest part is applying this to Spartans because they Are So Fucked, their lived experiences, their environments and systems and institutions interacting with them, and the amount of their personal information that is probably so classified.

BPSS is a tool to help social workers assess individuals and their situations by collecting info that is related to the presenting issues and current and past circumstances. Info like medical history, hospitalizations, substance abuse, mental illness, personal relationships, family history and background, culture and norms, education, legal history, spirituality and participation etc. is all under this framework. 

For Spartan 2s most of this info is lost or classified and helping someone who has repressed every negative emotion they've had for the sake of the mission would be so much to unpack but that’s also why you’re reading the mad ramblings over an over caffeinated nerd on the internet.

Life Course Theory which looks at developmental milestones and the individual’s experiences versus the socially expected markers, how do you apply that to children who were taken and have lived such different lives? 

While early adolescence is when “normal” development of thoughts of self and identity take place alongside the physical changes of puberty, Spartans were being turned into emotionless calculating weapons. Sorry John, no forming a sense of identity and peer bonds for you, go kill that Watts guy who betrayed us and joined the insurrectionists. 

And now that I’ve gone this insane and opened 2 whole textbooks up, let’s get to Master Chief thoughts. If you’ve read this far thank you, I swear I’m normal, 2020 has just been a weird year. 

Why the fuck did I think I could write a therapy fic on a guy with 20 minutes of actual dialogue across almost 2 decades of games?

I make fun of him and call him a himbo, but he’s smart, he knows he’s being used and there is resentment there that’s been building for years. 

There’s also decades of trauma and combat experience, physical, and emotional abuse, the lack of a support network,  lack of an identity, the biological factors and aftermath of the augmentations and injuries he’s received, a whole lot of grief and self-inflicted guilt. 

The loss of a third of his peer group with the augmentation surgery, Sam’s death, the loss of Reach (the only place he’s considered home), Keyes, the Pillar of Autumn crew, Miranda Keyes, Johnson, Cortana. He cares about the marines who fight with him!!!

He just stands there and takes it and rarely snaps, and even then it’s just small cracks on the surface with fissures running deep. The few details I will pull from Halo 5 are Blue Team’s reactions to John pushing himself so hard from the beginning of the game, and the literal crack in his armor from the fight with Locke. Like dude.  

John’s a leader and will get the mission done but he tugs on the leash. He’s earned enough of a reputation and uses it to get his way.

Halo 2’s “Permission to leave the station” with Mr. “I’m going to hand deliver a bomb to the fusion reactor of a covenant supercarrier and hope my friends catch me”. 

Halo 4 is when we see him say no to a superior officer and then 5 is him going AWOL. Palmer literally points out that no one is going to stop him.

Halo 5 kills me for many reasons but John bringing up Halsey and what she did to him and also pointing out that he knows Halo 5 Cortana is trying to manipulate him with psychological tactics hurts. 

He knows what’s been done to him!

I cannot remember which book it was but John isn’t used to working alone. He literally takes fire because he was expecting someone to have his back! 

He’s lost without Cortana! She was in his brain! Y’all! I played Halo Combat Evolved on the original xbox when I was like 8 and I knew these two were meant to be together. From the moment they met they had great chemistry and relied on each other! Cortana literally goes after people who have it out for John! John wants her approval and shows off for her in one of the books. 

I’ve already written too much here but like all of the games have John showing off for Cortana, making dry jokes, jumping out of things he shouldn’t. 

The whole point of this rambling is to try and get my thoughts about how to approach John’s character under control.

And that’s the thing. He’s lost control. He’s lost people, he’s losing his position and being phased out as an aging spartan, a relic. John’s used to following orders and making some decisions on the battlefield but it was always short term.

He has no identity beyond being a weapon. Complete the mission, clear the LZ, get put in cryo. Rinse, repeat. 

The timeline of the games are what I'm most familiar with but with the comics and books too it’s one long run from Halo 2 to Halo 4. Cairo station to the Dreadnought to the crash landing to Forward Unto Dawn to Requiem to “The Didact is Dead but not really but we’ll deal with him off-screen”.

I know Hood apparently gave John R&R orders before Halo 5 that he ignored and kept running himself into the ground. This is a man who has to keep moving and keep being useful. 

I imagine him giving in and seeking help as a last resort to fix any problems he has with performing his duties rather than helping himself be healthier. 

Any professional he sees is going to have to approach him like they’re approaching a self sacrificing feral cat, with lunch meat and quiet. This man needs to have his support network closer, set up long term goals, and do some serious, and most likely incredibly painful, self reflection on where he’s come from and where he wants to go. Get him out of that tin can and into therapy. I don’t have a nice neat ending because this was a ramble and also therapy is not neat and tidy. Thanks for reading my words about mr halo

[loniereads]

cr: Sufficiently Advanced Magic

*spoiler warning*

Chapter 1 - 5

Chapter one

“I was prepared in a thousand different ways that didn’t matter” - Me for every test I’ve ever taken ☺️✨✨

Omg is he gonna go look for his brother 🥺 This book said found family but make it literal - side note, love the name Tristan.

I hope it’s explained as to WHY hundreds of 17 year olds are enduring a judgment to their possible death????

Imagine you’re brother going basically missing, your mom leaving, and then your dad pulling you out of school so you can prepare to possibly ✨die✨

“It could take years to grow strong enough-” 🥺 He’s going to sacrifice years of his life and risk certain death just for a chance to reunite his family is this book gonna make me cry?

I don’t like his name as much as I like his brothers but yanno whatever- how do you even say Corin

I already hate the dad??? Hello? Your first son is gone and your second could follow in his fate and you don’t even see him off?? Fuck you buddy why are book dads such assholes

“I loathed hurting people. I always had.” so i have decided that if anything happens to Corin I will kill everyone in the room and then myself. WHAT A CUTIE SWEET SOUL

If this book forces him to hurt someone I’ll riot-

Oh my gosh he hates fighting but he’s willing to fight for his brother I LOVE HEALTHY BROTHER RELATIONSHIPS they’re so pure

Corin is so nice to try to explain all of this weapon stuff and rune stuff to me like I have any idea wtf he’s talking about- he’s talking and I’m like I’m just happy to be here ☺️

I feel like the fact that he’s paying for everything he takes is important- like maybe other people just take and don’t leave anything? But he’s like here’s a coin for you scary tower~

“It was too cute to die” why do I love Corin so

What a cute ass sweet ass cinnamon roll, my god🥺

HE FELT GUILTY FOR KILLING A SHADOW SNDKDNSK I love him sm what a king

Chapter two

Why does everything he say sound so intelligent

ldmoaha not Corin having a convo with a book

It’s been too long since I read a normal romance book why did my brain just decide to ship Corin and a BOOK

Ok but him taking time to ask about his brother has me so soft

What the flip chapter 2 was so short??? ):

Chapter three

“You shouldn’t have done that” how ominous and amazing and I love it

He so casually was like OH LOOK A DEAD BODY OH LOOKIE PEOPLE

Omg is he gonna find his brother in here- OH MY

OMG HE DID AHHHHH

just... kidding. He did infact not find him.

Oh wait someone younger than him though- so is going into the tower a choice? That would make it a little better. Like you decide when you go in or? I NEED MORE INFO PLS

The word resh is growing on me

He risked his gold key on her 🥺

I love this little merry band of criminals- also just hoping the kid doesn’t yanno....die

omg Keras is out here crushing stones with his bare hands 😏 hellooooo

Wait I’m so conflicted??? I want to trust Keras and Vera but I also want to trust the book alsnsish

Vera is a whole mood I really hope she’s not like evil or just a weird thing in the tower or idk whatever I want her to stay

AWWAIT ☹️☹️☹️ They left Keras behind- that can’t be it. He’s gotta come back right? Like book person is gonna save him? Right!!??

Chapter four

VERA SUCH A BADDDDIE

This ‘kid’ they’re carrying is just making out like a bandit, he’s just getting carried through the tower 😂

WOW FUCK YOU VERA??? UH I HOPE SOMETHING KILLS HER-but not rhe kid 😔

Okay this might be a weird jump- but WHAT IF THE BOOK ENTITY ISSSSS HIS BROTHER??????????? Like the book person seems to really care if Corin lives? so it’s either just like a really caring person, OR HIS BROTHER

Pls let me be right

That would be so cool

The book entity helped him to finish the rest completely? Is this allowed? This feels not allowed

Corin: fighting monsters with criminals in a magical tower, very time sensitive needs to escape quickly

Also Corin: lemme just wrote a little diary entry ✨☺️

So obviously he’s going to get to keep his memories

Also like he got out of the tower so easily? What?

“And don’t let anyone hassle you about your attunement.” HOW VERY OMONIOUS OF YOU TO SAY

Honestly- Fuck Magnus Cadence

REPLACEMENT? What?

His childhood bestfriend is his half sister? I love that???? Instead of making them love interests they’re half siblings that’s cool as hell. We love childhood friends to siblings trope

I will reiterate, FUCK MAGNUS CADENCE

I hope we get to see their friendship bc I’m here for this trope

Chapter five

🥺 he sent the boys glove to his parents I’m so soft

Their relationship makes me so happy?? Like I love this. So they better reunite or I’ll riot

BROTHERLY RELATIONSHIPS ARE THE BESTTT

I miss Keras 🥺

I am so unsure of Sera. I do love the sudden sibling, and I really really hope they end up having a cool relationship and like she helps him find his(their) brother and hdjsjdjs

If anyone gives Corin a hard time for his attunement I’ll throw hands-

Not them earning points at their schools- All I can think about how is “10 points to gryffindor”

I love the word behooves

Can they go back into the tower already 💀 This down time is killing me. I want book entity, Keras and that boy who was unconscious the entire time back.

-side note, I absolutely love how all three of them(Keras, Corin, and Vera) were all so concerned with this unconscious boy and they literally carried him to complete safety. Who is this boy?? Will he come back? I miss him he better not be be dead. Vera can die but not unconscious boy.

I don’t know if I’m supposed to like Sera... but she’s giving me “I’m better than you because I have a better attunement” vibes and I do not like that at all so if Icneed to I will pretend to doesn’t exist.

Aw the schools has like animal representatives decisions?? CUTE UM. - there’s way too many for my brain to keep up with but I love them anyway

Not them assigning kids to basically play pranks on everyone else and tell them if they don’t find the prankster kids they lose points- what a weird ass school

“You and Patrick were practically brothers” GIRL YOU CANT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO SOMEONE WHO HAS AN ACTUAL BROTHER WHO IS MISSING AND/OR DEAD

-Also I know Tristen isn’t dead because like then what would be the point huh? HUH? So he’s got to be alive

Or I’ll riot.

“A walking rainstorm” idk why but that is so fucking adorable. I love my new comfort raintorm, Corin.

I can’t wait for them(Corin and Sera) to meet up with their friends and they have to explain that they’re now half siblings.

Them reminding him to not lose his little sigil pin makes me feel like he’s going to lose or forget it ummmm

Imagine getting fucking EXPELLED because you forgot your pin on your other uniform.

I feel like that would be me honestly. Are people not just...forgetful in this universe??

Ngl i would hate to be in the tortoise division

Corins attunement is lamer but his division is called the Phoenix? Like that’s so much cooler than tortoise

The fact that sera is trying to convince me the Spider division isn’t real makes me feel like she’s in it???

I know my babey Corin didn’t mean this as snarky as I would have liked him to but I love this line so much.

SARCASTIC BOYS WITH DADDY ISSUES OWN ME AND IM NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT

Ngl I was hoping they would have roommates- I love a good school roommate dynamic

For the third time I would like to make my opinion to be known; FUCK MAGNUS CADENCE

Why has no one made a playlist for this book on Spotify? I am throughly disappointed

Not Corin being ghosted by his book-

I wish I had half the motivation Corin has? Like it’s my boys first day of school and as soon as he gets into his room he starts studying. I would have taken a nap

Oop jk as soon as he couldn’t find the rune he was looking for he went to lay in bed.

I’m sorry what in the hell is Wyddsday??? Did I miss them explaining to hat this universe has different names for it’s days of the week?? How am I supposed to know when this is Corin? Or what day it even is currently

World building is so intricate and interesting and I absolutely live for it- but it’s literally so frustrating sometimes learning and remembering everything

Okay Sera being less irritated about her studies being interrupted because it’s Corin is cute

Fuck

I still don’t know if I’m supposed to like Sera

Tashday, Fersday, Kyrsday, Tensday, Vasday, and Wyddsday- either I can’t count or they’re missing a day. And what order do they go in? I need a calendar insert pls and thanks

Wait wait did he just run into an ex? What is this sndlsnsin “long-buried emotions”??

Oooo we get a name. Cecily Lambert

I didn’t possibly think I could relate to Corin anymore than I already do but here I am

The dorm chiefs introduce themselves to everyone? How cute and Curtis didn’t seem at all annoyed by Corin asking so many questions I love when upperclassman in books aren’t rude for no reason. It’s such a tiring trait they often have smh

I need his exams to hurry up because I would very much like to get back to the fast paced tower scenes-

I know absolutely nothing about Jin but I love him immensely

[ethelphantom]

My Every First Will Be Yours

Would you look at that, I’m back on my bullshit. This time it’s Maribat March. Am I the only one who’s like, way too excited for it? I am? Oh, okay. This one’s for day 1, firsts though, and it took me embarrassingly long to realise that the first day was firsts. Oh well.

Anyway, I think there's going to be something during my Maribat March for everyone, because I'll at least have a lot of Timari and Dickinette, rather much Jasonette, some Daminette, one StephMari (well, the last two are there if I manage to write them in time), and some platonic prompts. There's going to be AUs, angst, fluff, my horrible attempts at humour, big sister Mari, BartAdrien, Mari meeting the Amazons, friends teasing (and making fun of) friends, more angst (what did you expect? It's me we're talking about), and yeah. Also yes, I can tag you to the month (or all Maribat content, but specify, thanks) if you ask me to, either in the comments or via an ask or message. Anything works. 

Ao3

This is Maribat -- don’t like, don’t read

_______________

❋❋❋

And this was precisely why she despised getting into fights, especially out of suit. It wasn’t like she couldn’t do it, or that she minded injuries that much, but her knuckles were hurting after she delivered a punch a bit wrong because she’d been cornered and didn’t have enough space to get into a good position.

Besides, there were multiple people that were trying to attack her. Her best guess was harassment or an attempt at kidnapping or rape, but she couldn’t be too sure. Regardless, whatever it was, they were there, she was alone against four or five people, and she was scared, and a scared person too used to having defend herself in a fight against people (or things) bigger than her fought back without really thinking about it more than that. So, it really shouldn't have come as a surprise that once Marinette cleared her way past them and away from the alleyway and someone tried to grab her, her first reaction was to punch them in the face. The person backed off immediately to hold their nose that was now bleeding (and oh god, she’d probably broken their nose, but then again if they were trying to help those other guys, they did deserve it), and there was no way she was risking anything by staying.

The obvious thing to do was to run away, and run she did.

❋❋❋

Oh god. Marinette was ready to murder Dick, no doubts. He’d told her that he had a date organised for her and someone else he knew, assuring her that the person was a good person. While she trusted Dick, meeting the person whose nose she’d broken a few weeks earlier was not a good basis for a date.

Because no, while she hadn’t actually recognised the person sitting in front of her, he had, and he’d just immediately blurted out something along the lines of “oh shit, you’re the girl that punched me in the face a few weeks ago.”

So yeah. That did not go too well.

She ended up finding out that he’d witnessed the fight and tried to help her because she’d been trembling on her feet and looked ready to pass out but she had just freaked out so she'd punched him (miraculously, Tim didn't even blame her for it), Dick was his brother, his name was Tim Wayne, and it took her an embarrassingly long time to realise that yes, Tim was in fact the third son of that Bruce Wayne, and if Dick was his brother, then that meant he too was a Wayne. Tim had simply laughed when she brought that up.

Regardless of how awfully their first meeting had gone, Marinette ended up having a wonderful time. Tim was a wonderful conversationalist, he was intelligent, a good person, and was the CEO of his father’s company already at the age of 19 — had apparently been for quite the while already. They exchanged numbers and decided when they’d go out again, though both agreed they’d prefer a place more quiet and peaceful.

They met only a few days later again, and Dick positively beamed when he heard they got along well.

❋❋❋

Clutching Tim’s dirtied jacket in her hands, Marinette cried and buried her face in Tim’s chest. Tim brought his arms around her and held her tight, rocking her in his embrace as she sobbed. One would have imagined it was Marinette that had gotten hurt.

Tim had been kidnapped. He’d been gone for five weeks and they weren’t able to find him. World’s greatest detectives, her ass — Marinette could hardly like Tim’s family when most of them just let the fact Tim had disappeared be for two weeks until they realised there was someone asking for a ransom, and even then it took them ages to pay said ransom because they were determined to use the following two and half weeks trying to find him on their own, perfectly well aware that there was a chance they’d kill him. They never did find him, the kidnappers were too good, so they were forced to pay the money when they found Marinette freaking out and ready to commit homicide because she was going crazy when no one could find anything and no one seemed to care, either.

But now he was back. He was back, alive, mostly uninjured aside from the few bruises he had gotten, nowhere near the brink of death. And Marinette couldn’t have been happier at that moment, even if she was sobbing helplessly.

Tim cupped her face with one hand and brought it closer to himself before he pressed a kiss on her lips. It took Marinette a second or two to realise what was happening, but when she did just as Tim was backing off, Marinette lunged forwards and claimed his lips again. She clung onto Tim desperately, like someone would take him away from her again if she let go, and so she didn’t. She was not going to risk it. She couldn’t risk it. Not again. She couldn't handle losing Tim twice.

And so she stayed there, letting herself melt against the one she’d realised she loved when he had been taken away, hating the fact it had taken that to happen before she understood the love she felt for him.

And he let her melt against him, holding her tight, both hoping they’d be able to make one another whole again, or at least fit their broken pieces so that they wouldn't break more.

❋❋❋

It might have taken them a few sleepless… days? Perhaps? but eventually they had fallen asleep. Together. They had, in their exhausted and barely functioning states crawled under Bruce’s desk and just… cuddled up there and fallen asleep.

It certainly made an amusing story for Bruce, Dick and Jason to tell later on, because when Bruce had found the two in his office, it had both been so amusing and so adorable that he had had to call his oldest son to look at them (and preferably take a picture of them while he was at it). As it was, Dick had been with Jason at the time so Jason had also tagged along, and they were all amused (especially Jason who had to go outside the office to laugh because even he didn’t dare to wake up the two that were finally sleeping.)

At least he had had the sensibility to get a blanket and two pillows while he was at it, so they managed to make the sleeping place a little more comfortable for their precious, hardworking brother and future sister-in-law.

Tim and Marinette ended up receiving a printed picture of the moment in their mail a few weeks later when they’d mostly forgotten about it all.

❋❋❋

They had fought. For the first time. It felt horrible, but neither Marinette or Tim could bring themselves to go to the other and apologise. No, instead, Marinette had holed up in the guest room she was occupying, and Tim had run from the Manor completely. She had no idea where he was.

It was just that— god, she never realised that bringing up the fact Tim kept disregarding his own health for everyone else, doing WE work, helping his family, trying to make sure everything was as they should, that it would lead to something like this. She had been right, he wasn’t supposed to sacrifice himself for everyone like that, she hated it, she'd seen it happen once before with another person and hated it back then too, and Tim knew this, but then he’d brought up the point that he was doing it because that was the only way he could ever be worth anyone or anything. It had shocked her, because she hadn’t realised this was also a question of self-worth.

But at that moment both their feelings had been heated so neither stopped to think the other’s points and pushed back even harder until it had just exploded and it had led them here.

And Marinette couldn’t do a damn thing about it because she knew Tim had left his phone back as well. She was so scared this was the end.

(It wasn’t. After about a week, Tim had come back (not home, because it wasn't really a home to either of them) from wherever he'd been with his friends, and both of them had apologised, looking like someone had died. Or possibly, like they were scared someone would break and die if they didn't. It took them a lot of time to figure out everything, but they reached a compromise. Later on Dick pointed out that technically Marinette punching Tim was counted as their first fight, but then Marinette had threatened to punch him as well because that didn’t count, and they both knew she hated being reminded about it unless it was Tim himself, and Dick backed off, thankfully.)

❋❋❋

So, in the end, maybe they should have let Barbara come along and help them choose a house because maybe deciding to buy a house based on what kind of coffee machines there were that the owner had said they could give away wasn’t their smartest idea.

Then again, the coffee machines were great and they had not been able to come to a decision otherwise. Tim was used to mansions, huge manors, while Marinette had lived nearly all her life in a relatively small house, above a bakery. It was difficult deciding even the size of the house, let alone anything else. It was a little problematic when the parties of the relationship were a rich ass boy and a baker’s daughter — their standards differed greatly.

Besides, in the house they ended up choosing there were like ten different coffee machines, two studies, a wonderful kitchen Marinette had instantly fell in love with, a huge bath, and it was on a good spot as far from the Arkham Asylum and the Wayne Manor as humanly possible considering neither no longer knew how to leave Gotham.

They were barely 21 at that point and had known one another for 2 years, but that was fine. This was the best they could ever ask for.

And when on the day they finally moved in Marinette got on one knee because she wanted to surprise Tim, they both knew there were so many more years to come.

Yes, they celebrated their engagement by testing every new coffee machine they now had.

❋❋❋

____________

@freshbark @maribat-march2020 @kris-pines04 @thethirdwheelfriend @daminett4life @abrx2002 @persephonebutkore

[kylejsugarman]

opinion on the 3d movies? they’re the only aatc content i’ve ever seen bc i’m a 2000s baby 😔

so my feelings on the live action/cgi movies are complex because like. that first movie is how i discovered aatc, i saw that movie and just fell in love with the chipmunks and counted down the days until the squeakquel came out because i was so excited to see the chipettes on the big screen. as a young kid, i really loved those movies and they’re absolutely the reason that i love alvin and the chipmunks so much today

but the movies Themselves......like okay i completely understand the decision to make the chipmunks like actual chipmunks, this was during the massive influx of live action/cgi movies where “x cartoon character enters the REAL world” so that isn’t a problem. their designs aren’t perfect (their mouths creep me out a little??) and i don’t like how they translated the chipettes to 3D but the designs are not a huge problem, they did a fine job with tweaking the models so that each chipmunk has unique facial features/fur markings that reflect their character

the real problem is just the characterization. im not going to penalize the movies for being immature because like they are aimed at kids and im someone who has a huge aversion to toilet humor/immature humor so i can't judge impartially on that frontier and there’s at least one or two legitimately funny jokes in each movie. jason lee is just an awful dave: he comes off SO uninvested and annoyed in every scene. the movie shows him doing fatherly things like helping the boys decorate for christmas and making them dinner, but this is always accompanied by like a visible reluctance and irritation that is so not dave. he doesn’t even legally adopt them until the FOURTH movie (which, granted, is a sweet scene but seems so odd to do after four whole movies and dave still acting like he doesn’t care that much about them). in every other iteration, dave has no hesitations about taking in the chipmunks and being their father, even when they drive him crazy. its so hard to buy that live action dave actually cares about the chipmunks when every scene tells us otherwise

as for the chipmunks and chipettes themselves....the chipettes are given so little depth, the fact that their most-remembered scene is just them mooning over the chipmunks and talking about how cute they are speaks volumes. i mean they were basically written out of the fourth movie. its obvious the writers wanted to include the chipettes to appeal to female demographics and please fans who like them, then realized they had no use for them and gave them only the most basic of character traits and arcs. its nice that jeanette got a little focus in the third one, but her story was literally built entirely around simon’s story which again. speaks volumes that the chipettes are basically here to fill dead air and serve the chipmunks

as for the chipmunks themselves, i don’t have like a huge problem?? their characterization is a little uneven because they have to still be able to like do funny modern pop songs and crazy things for the trailers. it drives me crazy that they get sent to high school in the second movie when they are so clearly written to be elementary school-aged kids just like the previous iterations. theodore’s the biggest victim of personality generalization, especially in the sequels where he basically exists to be The Baby of the family (him being the heart of thee brothers is actually depicted quite nicely in the first one). simon’s sarcasm is written pretty well, as is his responsible nature, but you lose some of his protective instincts and for some reason a lot of his true intellect?? alvin basically exists to be the franchise mascot, so he doesn’t get to develop in like any way and is always crazy, scheming alvin without much nuance (although they try to have some depth to his character in the third movie, only to immediately backtrack on it and reset the status quo). 

i won’t act like aatc is this sacred property that the cgi movies desecrated with childish, gross-out humor that isn’t characteristic of the franchise at all because again, these are movies for kids made during an era where that kind of base-level immaturity was en vogue. but i do think its a shame that they are so formulaic in terms of plot and sacrifice so much character in service of pop songs and Crazy set pieces (also i don’t like the weird sexualization of the chipettes through their single ladies choreography, the “whip my tail” sequence, just a whole lot of their choreography and actions) and of all the aatc iterations, they’re definitely my least favorite and i think their popularity set back the direction of the franchise 

[kainissoable]

Homecoming but Okayer

I started thinking about how to make Silent Hill: Homecoming more coherent and emotionally satisfying without having to discard too many of the major story beats. What I ended up with was about 2000 words of a half-baked idea, which in fairness is still slightly more baked than the idea the team who were paid to make the game came up with.

We start with a shorter version of the opening nightmare with more of an emphasis on the nurses. It’s hard to tell, but the two or three patients they’ve mutilated all bear a resemblance to Alex without actually using the same model. The dream ends when a nurse stabs him in the chest. Just behind her, he sees Josh, and wakes up shouting for him.

Alex wakes up and winces, putting a hand to his chest. As he takes some nondescript medication and looks around the shabby motel room, we get a voiceover of his mother, reading out the letter she sent to him inviting him back home before his next deployment. She never mentions his name.

When he reaches Shepherd’s Glen, the fog is so thick he can barely see. There are dozens of abandoned vehicles on the road in, and eventually he has to get out of his car and walk.

The town is pretty much deserted, but there are signs of violence on almost every street. Then he recognises someone in the fog – Detective Wheeler. He runs over, but Wheeler doesn’t recognise him, or know of any Alex Shepherd. Wheeler coldly tells him that whoever he is it’s best if he leaves town. There’s nothing good here now.

He leaves, confused and unsettled, but carries on down the empty streets. On his way, he finds one other living person – Judge Holloway. He calls out again. Surely his Aunt Maggie will remember him. There were no ties of blood between them, but he’d been friends with her daughter Elle since they were small, and she’d almost been a second mother to him.

Judge Holloway looks at him blankly until he says his name, and then she’s all smiles. Oh, hasn’t he changed, no wonder she didn’t recognise him in all this fog. Go see your mother, dear, she’s waiting for you. Such a pity Elle isn’t here to greet you but she’s busy.

Alex continues, feeling more optimistic, until he sees the third figure in the fog. From a distance, it looks like someone crawling along the street, but as he gets closer, he sees it’s no human. Armed with only a utility knife, Alex either fights it or flees, and eventually reaches his childhood home.

When he gets there, he can look around a little and pick up a couple of things. There are several pictures of his parents and brother, Josh, and in his mother’s sewing room is a picture of Josh and an older girl. Alex says he remembers that being taken, must be eight or nine years ago by now.

When he finds his mother, she looks like she’s been crying. She looks at him for a long time before hugging him and starts crying again. “I missed you too, Mom.” Alex tears up a bit too. It’s been a long time since he was last home. She glances out the window and hands him his dad’s old pistol. “See if you can find Elle. It’s not safe out there.”

Alex takes the pistol and goes out in search of her. He finds Elle hanging up a missing person poster. Her little sister Nora vanished a few days ago. Alex says he’ll help her look.

There’s no sign of Nora, but once or twice Alex sees Jake in the fog. If he runs towards him, the vision fades and all he finds is a dead end. He finds a hairband at the playground near the cemetery, but then sees Mayor Bartlett in the graveyard. Concerned for him, Alex follows him to a run down hotel.

He doesn’t find the mayor inside, but he does find several more monsters and a room he can’t get into with a woman inside. He sounds like such a nice young man, she says. Would he help her remember? Alex agrees and finds some letters and postcards of hers. As her memories start returning, she becomes distressed and guilty for her infidelity to her dying husband. Alex can choose to comfort her, help her come to terms with her actions, or speak to her harshly. Her ghost may then move on, leaving him a key to find the mayor.

Mayor Bartlett is in a garden that actually looks like a garden. He’s talking to himself, or possibly to the tree in the centre. Either way, he laughs when Alex asks about Nora, then panics. “He” has woken up.

The world changes and the tree twists into something closer to a corpse. It picks up Bartlett in one hand and crushes him. Then it turns its attention on Alex.

Alex fights and kills it, then faints as the world tuns back to normal.

He wakes up in a jail cell with Deputy Wheeler staring at him through the bars. He’s clearly suspicious, and things might have gone very badly for Alex if Elle hadn’t vouched for him. Wheeler releases him because law isn’t starting to mean much in this town now, and Alex and Elle find themselves fighting through dozens of monsters on the streets.

Jake appears again in the distance, but Alex holds Elle back when she tries to help him. He says he’ll explain later, because the monsters are closing in.

They take refuge in Dr Fitch’s surgery after being surrounded and find his daughter Scarlett’s playroom. Elle picks up one of her dolls which has fallen on the floor and asks if now is a good time for Alex’s explanation. He tells her that it can’t be Josh. He died last year in a boating accident. Alex says it was his fault, he should have been watching him more closely, but he was so distracted doing his reading for the army aptitude test, Josh wasn’t a priority. He wanted so badly to make his dad proud, but all he did was fail his family again. Elle starts to say something, but she doesn’t get beyond Alex before the world changes and she vanishes.

Alex explores the Otherworld surgery looking for her. He doesn’t find Elle, but at the bottom of a perilous descent littered with monster nurses, he finds Dr Fitch crying and cutting himself over and over with a scalpel. Alex tries to talk him out of it, but Fitch keeps babbling about his sins and how sorry he is to his little girl. The “little girl” is a disproportionate porcelain doll over twice his height, which kills the doctor and makes a spirited attempt to do the same to Alex.

Once Scarlett is killed for the second time, Alex wakes up in the playroom where he was. Elle wakes up beside him, but instead of a doll, she’s holding a key. She recognises the seal as matching the one in the town hall where her mother works. Elle gives the key to Alex and returns home to check on her mother and let her know what’s happened.

Alex goes to the town hall alone and discovers a ceremonial dagger hidden there. He recognises the pattern on its hilt as matching his mother’s jewellery box. He goes back home in search of answers and walks in on an argument between his parents and Judge Holloway. He doesn’t catch much more than his dad shouting that he failed.

They all turn as Alex bursts in and his mother’s face goes pale. Judge Holloway asks him to come with her. Elle’s tracked down Nora in Silent Hill, she says, what reason does he have to stay here?

Alex wavers, but before he can make a decision, a group of monsters burst through the window. His parents and Judge Holloway are dragged away, the former by more inventive redesigns of Pyramid Head, the latter by a monster taking some design inspiration from the Missionaries in SH3. Another of the same type attacks Alex.

The Otherworld returns once it’s defeated and Alex has to navigate a twisted version of his childhood home. While there, he finds his mother’s jewellery box and inside finds some photos of him and Josh growing up. This is where anyone who hasn’t already twigged finds out that Alex is a trans man, and always felt that he was letting his family down because of his identity. Looking at these photographs with his mother’s neat hand crossing out an illegible name and replacing it with Alex is the first time he feels accepted by her.

Alex escapes the hell house and finds Wheeler, who he convinces to help him rescue his family and loved ones from Silent Hill. Once there, they split up to cover more area. In the undercroft of a church, Alex discovers the shared history of Shepherd’s Glen and Silent Hill, of how his town’s four founding families kept the Otherworld’s influence at bay with a blood sacrifice every 50 years – a child for every family.

He heads deeper into the crypt and finds his parents at the centre of a shrinking ring of fire, two of the pyramid headed monsters looking on impassively. It transpires that his mother had invited Alex back to be sacrificed, but they couldn’t go through with it, not after losing Josh the same way. They hoped that the town would accept the accidental drowning, but realised too late that it hadn’t. Alex has the option to try to save them, but either way he fails. The monsters don’t stop him from leaving the church.

Outside, he finds Judge Holloway. Apart form a couple of bruises, she looks unharmed, and she comforts him as he weeps. Eventually, Alex asks after her daughters. He says he knows what the powers that be want her to do, but they can’t save the town now, but they can still save the people. She agrees, says she knows where Nora was being held and if they hurry, they might be able to rescue her. She leads him to a large open room and runs though a door which locks behind her. Nora was already dead, and this human centipede of hands reaching out to choke him is all that’s left of her.

Alex defeats the monster that was once as close to him as a sister, and when the noise ends, Judge Holloway returns, expecting to see him unconscious on the floor. She flies into a rage, telling him to abandon this selfishness or everything will be for naught. As she speaks, her voice becomes more and more difficult to understand as her body changes and she abandons the last of her humanity.

The monster that she changes into tries to drown Alex and fulfil the final sacrifice. She loved him as  much of either of her daughters and she’s willing to sacrifice him just the same. Alex fights for his life and takes hers with a heavy heart. It wouldn’t have worked, he knows. It has to be someone of the Shepherd’s blood to consign him willingly to the water, and now there’s no one else left. He looks into the deep, dark pool he was so recently fighting to get away from, and jumps.

Depending on his actions, there are three fates for Alex. If he lets his self hatred and guilt rule him, his death saves the town in a bittersweet ending. If he chose wrath and vengeance, his body is dragged out of the water by the two pyramid headed monsters to become another judge of the guilty. If he chose to accept himself and come to terms with his actions, Elle and Wheeler pull him out of the water and he survives as well as the town of Shepherd’s Glen.

[niteshade925]

The Thunder Concluding Thoughts

So I finished watching The Thunder (《破冰行动》) in about a week.  I have to say this drama is definitely NOT the disappointment that people say it is.  It's pretty good.  I’m recommending it to the cdrama fans out there who like crime dramas with a dark and serious story.  Just be aware that it does not have an official English subtitle or fansubs (so far as I know).

Anyway, this post will be very very very long (4500+ words, in fact), filled with spoilers and my opinions.  If you are planning on watching, please skip this post.  I’m hiding everything else so this post won’t be hogging space on anyone’s dashboard.

Storytelling

Considering the story is about an operation to raid a whole village involved in drug trafficking (inspired by real events of Boshe village/博社村) and bring the criminals to justice, it is bound to be dark and gritty, filled with tragedies.  But it’s also surprisingly not very gruesome.

The entire plot is separated into many different storylines, which merge and intersect with each other at different times throughout the drama.  Here’s the main four:

The first (main) one follows the main character Li Fei/李飞 as he tries to avenge his friend and partner’s murder by finding evidence to bring down the big bad, with help from Chen Ke/陈珂, Ma Wen/马雯, and numerous others.

The second one follows Li Weimin/李维民 and Zhao Jialiang/赵嘉良 (real name Li Jianzhong/李建中), who are the two most experienced people on the law enforcement side in dealing with drug traffickers.  Since the former is a director and the latter is an informant/undercover agent who reports directly to the former, their individual story lines only merged after the midpoint.

The third one follows the third branch of the Lin clan (mostly Lin Zonghui/林宗辉) and how it was half destroyed by the main branch and second branch, which culminates in Lin Zonghui’s decision to turn informant.

The fourth one follows Ma Yunbo/马云波, the Deputy Director of Dongshan City Police Department, as he slowly realizes the error of his ways and tries to earn his redemption.  

There are other more minor storylines, but I won’t be listing them all out since this isn’t a wiki article lol.  Anyway there are a lot of different storylines in this drama, and the ways in which they intersect are interesting, though rather predictable.  These intersections also roughly separate out the drama into a few sections, which allows the drama to have a good pacing overall.

However, the way this drama establishes the backgrounds of the characters and storylines is slightly problematic, since nearly all of it is done with flashback sequences.  Flashback sequences are a staple in crime dramas of any kind, because it satisfies the viewers’ curiosity, but the constant sudden scene changes were disorienting and broke the flow of storytelling.  I guess flashbacks are an easy way to stick to the “show, don’t tell” rule, but I do think some flashback sequences can be told by characters in the “present time”, and this may even help to flesh out those characters more, depending on how they “tell” viewers about the past.

Another thing that was noticeable was amount of closeup shots used, especially in the interrogation scenes in the first half.  They do give actors the opportunity to use micro expressions and their eyes to convey the characters’ true emotions.  On the downside.....too many closeup shots tend to make me uncomfortable, so......I guess I both liked it and disliked it.

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Characters and Acting

Hoooo boy, where to start.  I would say this is the best thing about the drama overall.  The characters are what really drove me to sacrifice sleep just to binge the entire thing in a week.  These characters aren’t exactly unique in the genre, but they made up the heart of the drama, no questions about that.

I guess I’ll start with the main cast here and ramble talk about both the character and the portrayal together.  Because this drama had a rough “cops vs. criminals” setup, the main cast was sort of “locked in” to specific character archetypes, and that left little space for the actors themselves to perform freely.  Despite this, most of the main cast were able to do pretty well:

Li Weimin/李维民 (portrayed by Wu Gang/吴刚):  

In my opinion, Li Weimin was the best portrayed character out of the main cast.  Some people said that Wu Gang overacted in certain scenes where Li Weimin got upset or displayed his eccentric side, but to be honest, I don’t think it’s bad at all.  I'm pretty sure the dramatic approach is due to Wu Gang's acting style and training, since he was a theater actor first, and transitioned to an actor for TV/cinema later in his career.  Wu Gang’s constant little physical movements-- whether it was fidgeting with something or playing hopscotch with his feet--gave Li Weimin a certain air of eccentricity that I liked.  Li Weimin wasn’t without his faults, of course, he’s rather quick-tempered and was too eager to see results, which Wu Gang illustrated with his dramatic line delivery in the scene where he was furious at Ma Yunbo for not ending all drug trafficking in Dongshan city in 3 years.  The most noticeable flaws in Wu Gang’s performance (to me) was his salute (seriously can he just straighten that wrist lol) and his voice, because his voice had that smooth quality of a documentary narration, so occasionally it felt like he’s just flat out describing things.  Not that I’m complaining, his voice is very pleasing to the ear, but it just doesn’t fit the scene sometimes.  His best scenes for me were: 1) when he stubbornly refused Li Fei’s offer to buy a hoodie for him because it made him look too young (can relate because I have an older relative who’s exactly like that lol); 2) when he was questioning Cai Yongqiang while nonchalantly playing with his shoelaces; 3) when he had a sorrowful inner monologue about how he would be all alone if both Li Fei and Li Jianzhong died like all of his other comrades; and 4) when he suffered the loss of his friend during the climax, and had to try hard to stop himself from losing control to grief before the operation was over, because he was the frontline commander and was thus responsible for all of the agents.

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Lin Yaodong/林耀东 (portrayed by Wang Jinsong/王劲松):  

Wang Jinsong never disappointed in any role he’s been in, really.  He’s the actor who played Marquis Yan Que in Nirvana in Fire and the unforgettable eunuch Yang Jinshui in Ming Dynasty in 1566.  I don’t think Lin Yaodong was his best performance (the best had to be Yang Jinshui in Ming Dynasty in 1566, hands down) but it was still very good.  The way Wang Jinsong played Lin Yaodong (especially the even line delivery and the deliberate body movements) gave him a dignified air befitting a powerful elder.   It was also thanks to Wang Jinsong’s great performance that I realized what Lin Yaodong was:  he wasn’t just a drug lord, he was a hypocrite.  He kept stressing the importance of clan and family, yet he was the one of the people responsible for deaths of half the third branch family; he kept reiterating that he brought wealth to Tazhai village, but what he did was slowly eroding the villagers’ motivation to do any honest work; he kept emphasizing the need to protect the Lin clan, yet the drug trafficking he introduced to the village literally ruined the young people of the village.  To Lin Yaodong, the clan was nothing but a means to an end that benefits him, otherwise he would not be exclusively using members of the second branch family to do all the dirty work.

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Li Fei/李飞 (portrayed by Huang Jingyu/黄景瑜):  

Li Fei is apparently quite controversial despite being the undisputed main character of the show.  A lot of people think his character was “unnecessary”, “badly written”, and there were even gossip floating around about how the character was just a way to “get Huang Jingyu onboard”.  Seeing all of those comments made me pretty confused, because I thought Huang Jingyu did a pretty good job for someone who didn’t have a lot of experience in acting.  Before anyone says though, I am not a Huang Jingyu fan, just want to get that out of the way first.  This is literally the first drama I’ve seen him in.  I think his portrayal was easier for younger audiences (by that I mean early to mid 20s viewers like me) to relate to.  Li Fei’s outpour of grief upon seeing his partner getting murdered right in front of him, his clever interrogation of drug dealers, his goofy little tricks that outsmarted the criminals, his dejected disregard for his own life when he expressed desire to go to Tazhai village alone; his shock and anguished headbanging on the car window upon seeing his father getting murdered (also right in front of him); and finally his emotional numbness while saying goodbye to the father he never got a chance to know.......all of it was done convincingly.  I’ve laughed with him, I’ve cried (a little) with him, and for me that’s good enough.  There were other comments about how Li Fei was too hot-headed to the extent of being frustrating, but I think that’s just how the character was meant to be (Li Fei was supposed to be in his early 20s).  That said, I do think Huang Jingyu needs work on two things:  enunciation and facial expressions.  He did well when a scene required him to convey a particular emotion, but he wasn’t able to convey a mixture of different emotions (I will give an example later).  If he could make improvements in these two areas, I’m sure he would become a much better actor.

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Now for memorable supporting characters.  In my honest opinion, the supporting characters are the ones who really made this drama good.  These actors’ performances regularly steal the limelight away from the main cast.

Lin Shuibo/林水伯 (portrayed by Qian Bo/钱波):  

Lin Shuibo was a once-respected teacher who became addicted in a desperate attempt to save his addict son, and was thrown out of Tazhai village for being an addict after his son died from overdose (was revealed to be murder).  Later he devoted his life to take care of a homeless drug addict teen he met on the streets.  I have to say, Lin Shuibo was the first supporting character that really caught my attention and made me cry.  Qian Bo nailed this character.  The dejected slump of his shoulders, the hopelessness and anxiety in his darting eyes, weeping for his son with tears leaving tracks on his dirty face, explaining that he tried drugs so he could set an example of successful rehab for his son......this character may not be more than just a plot device, but he actually tore at my heart.  Teaching was a highly respected profession in China, so for a teacher to fall into addiction and homelessness, resort to picking garbage for a living, that’s literally falling out of paradise and straight into hell.  Despite this, Lin Shuibo never lost his kindness or capability to love, and that's what saved him in the end.

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Ma Yunbo/马云波 (portrayed by Zhang Xilin/张晞临):  

Originally I was going to put Lin Shengwu as the second of the memorable supporting characters, but then Ma Yunbo’s best scenes happened and made me change my mind.  Ma Yunbo was a pretty interesting and complex character, since he started the drama as a “good guy”, but as the story went on, it was revealed that he was the corrupted cop.  Then as the viewer learned more about the character, we started to see that he was not simply in it for the money like Chen Guangrong (another corrupted cop).  He was more or less coerced into it by Lin Yaodong because of his wife’s debilitating chronic pain, which was in turn the consequence of taking a shotgun blast meant for him.  Before the start of the story, the pain had grown too much for his wife to bear, so she turned to heroin for relief, and Lin Yaodong took the opportunity to become her supplier.  This was a major problem for Ma Yunbo, since he was seen as a hero who served justice to drug traffickers and was the pride of his shifu Li Weimin.  Here, both the drama and many viewers say that Ma Yunbo’s greatest weakness was pride, and that was why he became corrupted, but I disagree.   I don’t think Ma Yunbo’s most important trait was pride, I think it was love. I think he loved his wife deeply and that was the only reason why he started dealing with Lin Yaodong.  If he was as prideful as people say, I think he might refuse his wife's request instead.  In fact, his wife's suicide was what finally unshackled him from his constant internal conflict.  Thus, his internal conflict was really a three way conflict of pride vs. love vs. doing what’s right.  Zhang Xilin’s approach to such a complex character was subtle, conveying most of the internal conflict with facial expressions.  The way he could seem to make his face age instantly with an expression was brilliant.  

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Lin Shengwu/林胜武 (portrayed by Zhao Xuan/赵煊):  

First, this character was pretty much a plot device.  Lin Shengwu really only served 3 purposes in the story:  to delay the video evidence from getting to Li Fei until the time is right (to manage pacing); to cement the people from the main branch and second branch of the Lin clan as the big bads of the drama; and to serve as a reason for Lin Zonghui’s eventual decision to become an informant.  The first one is pretty straightforward, but the second and third purposes require acting skills to achieve, because the audience needs to be able to pity Lin Shengwu.  And boy did Zhao Xuan deliver.  Lin Shengwu’s death was the second time I got emotional while watching this drama (first time was that scene of Lin Shuibo I mentioned).  The scene where a wounded Lin Shengwu called asking Lin Zonghui to take care of his children and telling him “if there’s a next life, you will still be my Uncle Hui” with a quivering voice just straight up broke my heart.  Lin Shengwu was certainly not a good guy (he was the one who destroyed the evidence at the very beginning, and probably participated in drug dealing), but he really did love his family and tried to protect them, unlike Lin Yaodong.  Unfortunately, his family was already in the grips of the devil from the very start, so he was destined to lose everything.

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Lin Zonghui/林宗辉 (portrayed by Gong Lei/公磊)

Of the two most conflicted characters in the drama, one is Ma Yunbo, and the other is definitely Lin Zonghui.  As the family head of the third branch in the Lin clan, he was forced to watch as members of his family died at the hands of his relatives, but because he tried to stay out of trouble, he could neither say nor do anything about it.  Plus, like most other members of the third branch family, he was a person who actually cared about the clan.  As time went on and more people close to him died, his internal conflict changed from self preservation vs. avenging his family to protecting the Lin clan vs. doing what’s right.  I don’t feel that his death at the end was really necessary to the plot (it was probably done to further expose Lin Yaodong’s hypocrisy), but given everything his cousins Lin Yaodong and Lin Yaohua have done, he’s more than justified to confront them.  Acting-wise, like Zhang Xilin, Gong Lei also conveyed Lin Zonghui’s internal conflict mostly with facial expressions and body movements.  There was always a slump in his shoulders, and the way his eyes alternate between looking powerless and burning with fury was really great.  However, I didn’t quite like his approach to the climactic confrontation scenes, because I felt that he was a little overdramatic there, especially the line delivery, which briefly broke my immersion.

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Lin Can/林灿 (portrayed by Song Hanhuan/宋撼寰)

If I’m only talking about the acting, then I might rank Song Hanhuan’s performance as the second best in the supporting cast, right behind Zhang Xilin.  I do admit that I’m rather biased towards the good guys and complex characters, but no matter which way you cut it, Lin Can deserves a mention.  The first time I noticed him was very late in the story, right at the climax where Lin Can and Li Fei were both threatening to kill the other’s father.  Huang Jingyu was not able to convey Li Fei’s emotions well enough (again, his facial expression needs work), but in contrast, Song Hanhuan really conveyed a wide range of emotions just in a few seconds, from fear to desperation to even a little hint of regret.  In fact, he looked as if he was on the verge of total mental breakdown.  That scene prompted me to go back and revisit his other scenes after I finished the drama, and that was when I realized Lin Can actually cried a little bit when Lin Shengwu died.  At the time when I first saw the scene, I thought Lin Can was just shocked to see Lin Shengwu commit suicide, but now, thinking back on Lin Can’s lines about how he and Lin Shengwu grew up together as playmates, I think Lin Can actually felt sad there, however briefly that emotion lasted.  That single tear was a very simple (and easy to miss!) gesture that added a whole other dimension to what would otherwise be a rather flat henchman character.  

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Cai Yongqiang/蔡永强 (portrayed by Tang Xu/唐旭)

I do wish the writers could have given Cai Yongqiang more scenes, because the few scenes he appeared in were all great.  The scenes where Li Weimin questioned Cai Yongqiang were the among the best in the entire drama.  At the time in the story, Cai Yongqiang and Li Weimin didn’t trust each other (although it was later revealed that they were both good guys), and were both trying to see if the other person was corrupted.  This led to a few interesting exchanges between them filled with quotable lines, but the best part has to be Cai Yongqiang’s answer to Li Weimin’s last question about Cai Yongqiang’s evaluation of himself and the drug control division.   The way Tang Xu delivered these lines (his voice was quivering with emotion almost the whole time) was really touching:

“For drug control officers like us, there’s two dangers.  The first is mortal danger, because our opponents are people who would bid their lives for money.  It’s not just our own lives in danger, but also the lives of our partners, our families”......”The second is temptation.  Money making is easy for drug traffickers.  To save their own skins, they would try their damnedest to bribe us.  Tens of thousands (yuan), hundreds of thousands, even a few million at a time.  For them, a few million is the profit they earn in a few days, but for young officers who earn a measly 2-3k per month and has to pay mortgages and raise children with it, this contrast is too much.  Not being tempted is impossible.  But every officer in my division has overcame the temptation, and for that, I think they are all terrific.  All of them are admirable.”.....”When you’ve been on the force for a while, you start to develop a deeper understanding of human nature.  A lot of bizarre things happen every day.  Sometimes, not being able to see them is a real blessing.”

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Thoughts on Theme

The message of a story like this is obviously “drugs are bad, kids, it ain’t worth it”, but I would say the theme is conveyed pretty well here, because the story gives us all of these characters who are examples (some of which I’m sure are inspired by experiences of real people) of what may happen once you start to do/sell/make such addictive controlled/prohibited substances as crystal meth.

First is the effects of addiction on users.  This part is pretty obvious, and we have many examples throughout, though there were a few different reasons for each of them coming into contact with the drug in the first place.  Zaizai (Lin Shuibo’s son) was a representation of teenagers who became addicted because it’s seen as “cool” and “everyone was doing it”.  Wuzai became a drug dealer, because it gave him better profits than working entry-level jobs, and eventually he became an addict as well.  Then there’s women who became addicted due to severe emotional stress, like Yang Liu and Cai Xiaoling (it was hinted that her addiction may have been a major factor in her miscarriage).  Of these people, Lin Shuibo was a special case, as he apparently tried drugs out of a desire to help his son quit, but became addicted as well.  Out of these characters, most died either due to overdose, continued drug-abuse, or murder (from being in close contact with dangerous criminals).  The only two who got a good ending were Lin Shuibo and Wuzai, since both were able to quit and earn an honest living.  Of course, this could not happen if they weren’t supporting each other through the rehab process.

Second is another type of effect that the drugs had on those who made/sold them, and that is greed.  The reason Lin Yaodong had so much power over everyone else in the village was because he could give them the money they desired.  According to Lin Yaodong, the village used to be dirt poor, but ever since he led the villagers to manufacture crystal meth, everyone there quickly became wealthy, and all that easy money gave rise to greed.  Lin Yaodong then used a combination of his own status in the clan and the greed of the villagers to control them, thus satisfying his own lust for power:

“I know whether the people of Tazhai have had a change of heart just from sitting in this car.  At this hour, adults should be leaving work, and children should be leaving school, all of them going home, even the elderly lady selling produce.  The fact that our car can drive forward so smoothly on this narrow road means the people of Tazhai haven’t had any change of heart.”

This lust for power was also the reason he described his goal as to build the biggest, most beautiful ancestral shrine for the Lin clan.  He saw the ancestral shrine as the seat and symbol of his power, and this was apparent when the three family heads gathered there like a panel of judges at a court to announce Lin Shengwen’s punishment.  

Lin Yaodong’s image as the great provider for the village then began to corrupt the younger generations of the village as well, since they all looked up to Lin Yaodong and hoped to become his henchmen.  This began to destroy the real familial bonds between people in the clan and replaced it with simple trust and blind loyalty, which effectively turned the clan into a sort of mafia.  Even though almost everyone in the main branch and second branch still talked about what’s good for the clan and seemingly tried to contribute in their own ways, when one compared what these characters say versus what they do, then their true motivations began to show.  There’s Lin Yaohua and his two sons, Lin Can and Lin Tianhao, who would maim, torture, and kill members of their own clan just because trust was broken.  For them, there’s not much real familial bond to speak of, there’s only loyalty to “Uncle Dong” (Lin Yaodong) and "Uncle Hua” (Lin Yaohua).  They may still call each other “brothers”, “uncles”, but these words contain more indications of power than affection.  At the same time, the blind loyalty eroded away at the humanity of the younger members of the Lin clan, and this was perfectly demonstrated with Lin Can’s sudden decision to kill Zhao Jialiang at the climax, an act that disturbed even Lin Yaodong.

-------------------------------------------------

My Criticisms &  Other Thoughts

Finally, criticisms.

I agree with other people that the writing for the 3rd and 2nd to last episodes (ep 46 & 47) did not seem to have the same quality of writing as earlier episodes, but I am of the opinion that it wasn’t a huge problem.  What was a problem was the overacting from some actors at the climax.  Again, it wasn’t that bad, but it was enough to briefly break my suspension of disbelief.  Also, the last episode was among the best in the drama.

About the complaint that Zhao Jialiang’s death was unnecessary and forced into the script, I disagree.  I don’t think Zhao Jialiang ever went into Tazhai village expecting to come out alive in the first place.  Dude’s there to avenge his wife and that was it.  On the other hand, his death also highlights how far Lin Can had fallen.  Point is, his death might feel abrupt, but it does make sense if you think about it.  

About the “plot holes”.  I agree with one comment I’ve seen that many of the “plot holes” people pointed out were actually explained in later episodes.  They probably commented pretty early on in the drama, so that’s why certain things seemed like plot holes to them.

As for Chen Ke, again, I do agree that she may be the weakest character in the drama, but unlike some have said, I don’t think it was 100% on the actor, and I’m pretty sure it had something to do with the writing.  This drama clearly aimed to be realistic, so almost all of the characters expressed some sort of shock upon seeing another character get wounded/killed, and I think that’s the reason why Chen Ke panicked when Ma Wen got blasted with a shotgun.  Chen Ke was just a normal civilian who happened to be a nurse, she’s not a nurse in the army or something, of course she would be shocked if the event took place in front of her eyes.  Seeing the aftermath and witnessing the event first hand are completely different things.

Everything else about the drama, cinematography, music, etc....were all ok.  Nothing bad, but also nothing notable.  I did like the theme song though.

(Bonus little rant about all those cdrama scenes where a character is severely ill or wounded or killed..........can we stop having all of them spit out mouthfuls of blood????  When a character got stabbed in the guts or shot through the heart, they should NOT be spitting blood, unless they are also wounded in the lungs or stomach or mouth, then ok fine, but it’s still more of a situation of coughing up blood.  Seriously.  When Zhao Jialiang got shot through the heart and immediately started spitting blood, I actually burst out laughing.  This silly shit needs to change.)

And that is it!  All in all I liked The Thunder, and I may watch it again later.

[howtodrawyourdragon]

There is a whole other story beneath Twilight Princess’ main plot- [1/3]

And it explains why the children of Ordon were taken in the raid.

They were taken because King Bulblin was searching for Link.

[Part Two]

[Part Three]

Okay, but hear me out for a second here, I come with a theory that I think really makes sense and it can possibly answer a few question in the plot of the game.

Why were the children of Ordon taken? (You Are Here)

Why was Link, after his first transformation, still taken as well?

Why was he taken to Hyrule Castle of all places?

And more.

Now, before I begin, which are some of the games we tend to associate with Twilight princess chronologically? Ocarina of Time. Which is the other game that also serves as a sequel to Ocarina of Time? Wind Waker.

I bring these two games up because there is a notable difference between these three incarnations of Link that I want to bring up before I continue.

OoT: Link receives the Triforce of Courage due to Ganondorf’s attempt at making a wish, causing the Triforce to break into three.

WW: Link earns the Triforce of Courage after finding all eight broken pieces found scattered in the ocean.

TP: Link is born with the Triforce of Courage.

Remember this detail.

(Video for reference from NintenU on YouTube)

Why were the children of Ordon taken?

First of all, what do we know of their abduction?

(Timestamp for video: 11:00)

We know that they were taken right before the Light Spirit Ordona was to lose their light as we know from the same cutscene that Faron was already cloaked in darkness. We also know that only the children were taken and nobody older than Ilia.

When Link is concerned we can only make assumptions whether he was meant to be taken, too. As, while he is knocked out cold by a bulblin, we see King Bulblin enter the spring as well and then not notice that Link is even there. He just blows his horns and hauls ass after a portal opens up. So whether Link was actually meant to be taken, too, is something that we can’t quite answer from the scene presented to us.

(Timestamp for the lines: 44:33)

When Link reunites with Colin, Beth, Malo, and Talo after light is returned to the Eldin Province, Colin and Malo tell Link that the bulblins had left them for dead somewhere far enough away from home for Renado to find them. The children aren’t injured either and Twilight Princess isn’t exactly above showing us injuries or even violence towards children.

We’ve seen Rusl covered in blood and bandages. We’ve seen him limp his way through Ordon when he hears Wolf Link in the distance and then later can be found sleeping deliriously on the sofa of his home.

And them being kids doesn’t spare them either as we see young Ralis (very likely) near death when we hurry him to Kakariko Village. His mother, the late-queen Rutela, states “I feel it. His presence grows fainter to me over time.” This most likely means that Ralis is losing his life.

(video for reference from Psuedo Twili, timestamp: 2:04)

And if you remember the cutscene in which King Bulblin charged through Kakariko Village, Colin wasn’t exactly left unscathed as he was run over and knocked out cold for the entire duration of the fight between King Bulblin and Link and then later found resting in bed with Beth and Luda looking after him.

The bulblins aren’t above hurting children, yet, instead of harming them any further, they choose to simply abandon the children instead. If they were harmed any more than they already have been, the game would have shown us.

It is also interesting to note from the Queen Rutela cutscene, that the Zora’s were raided, too, but their child, Prince Ralis, was not taken. This is a striking contrast, compared to the raid on the human village of Ordon, where the children were taken. Though, admittedly, this is possibly because they were raided by the Shadow Beasts and not the bulblins.

So what do we know?

The children of Ordon were taken, nobody older than Ilia (or presumably, older than Link)

They were brought all the way to the Eldin province, which is far far away from home.

Abandoned, left for dead. This makes their abduction strange and out of place, without reason.

Not physically harmed, from what we can see.

With these facts summed up, we have to wonder why the bulblins would steal people from their homes if they are just going to abandon them in the middle of nowhere anyway. What is the point? Why go through all that trouble of kidnapping them? (Besides moving the plot forwards and giving Link reason to set out, of course) And why do I claim that the Triforce of Courage has something to do with this?

Let’s begin with why I would bring up the fact that TP Link was born with his piece of the Triforce.

(Timestamp: 1:42:20)

Well, we’ve seen the cutscene with the Sages. We’ve seen that they attempted to execute Ganondorf themselves, believing themselves capable of bringing justice to the King of Thieves. But that it was a foolish attempt as Ganondorf, in what they call a divine prank, possesses the Triforce of Power and uses it to revive himself. Whether this was a conscious decision or not, we don’t know and for this theory it doesn’t really matter too much.

Now, the reason why this Ganondorf, which is canon to be OoT’s Ganondorf, has the Triforce is because OoT Link was sent back in time with his piece. We saw in the very last cutscene of OoT that the mark of the Triforce is on his hand, meaning that he traveled back with it still in his possession.

With TP Link stated to be his descendant by blood more than once in-game, it is natural that the Triforce would be passed down through Time’s bloodline until it eventually reached Twilight. What happens with the Triforce after Twilight is a mystery.

(I’m not familiar with Four Swords Adventure’s story, so I don’t know if the Triforce really makes an appearance in that game)

With Courage already gone, it caused Wisdom and Power to break apart and go to their respective holders as well. Wisdom, of course, to Zelda. Power to Ganondorf. (Link being sent back in time with Courage, may also explain why this particular piece is in literal pieces in WW. Or maybe it was explained why you had to find the individual pieces and I just don’t remember.)

We know that it is canon now that the Triforce tends to break apart under certain circumstances. I.e when evil touches the Triforce or when a piece is already missing, as was the case in TP, WW and presumably at the end of OoT. We also know that the former fact is a known fact, at least for those who know the Triforce and are familiar with its lore.

Knowing this, would it really be farfetched for Ganondorf, who already knew exactly where and how to find the Triforce in OoT, to look at the back of his hand, see one of the pieces of the Triforce there, and conclude that there are two others with the other pieces? I don’t think so, with how much Ganondorf already knew of the Triforce.

For one of the pieces, the most obvious choice would be someone of the Hyrulean royal family. Hyrule is where people know the entrance to the Sacred Realm to be at, tales say that is where the three Golden Goddesses made their exit after creating their world, leaving the Triforce at that exit that is now the Sacred Realm. It is even the reason why Ganondorf is so set on taking Hyrule, of all places, because it is The land of the Triforce.

But with Wisdom (presumably) already found, where would the third missing piece go?

Well, what are the chances Ganondorf knew OoT Link was in possession of one? That OoT Link, upon attempting to convince Hyrule’s King of Ganondorf’s treachery, was forced to show Courage as proof? If the King doesn’t even believe his own daughter, what are the chance he would ever believe Link without the Triforce?

Maybe this is how Ganondorf found out the third bearer was Link? A ten-year-old boy in possession of one of the three golden triangles isn’t exactly something that would stay under the radar of someone with a deep desire for said Triforce.

But before Ganondorf even realizes he has Power, he is captured (at a much later age than he is shown in OoT, btw), executed, and sent to the Twilight Realm when Power revives its holder.

Years pass, so many that the former Gerudo King is completely forgotten by everyone except for the five remaining Sages who banished him as a last resort.

In the meantime, Ganondorf, believing himself Hyrule’s rightful king because “the Triforce chose him”, figures out there are two others with Triforce pieces, remembers that this one boy was one of them. And then Zant comes along and Ganondorf sees a way to return.

Presumably, the first place Zant takes in Ganondorf’s name is Hyrule. It leads to Zelda surrendering instead of choosing to sacrifice the lives of her people in a battle with an enemy she clearly recognizes as powerful. Keeping Zelda hostage in her own castle, it is possible GanonZant find out she is in possession of Wisdom. The very reason she is still alive and kept well is most likely because of the Triforce. (but this is only a guess)

If Zelda can use hers to sense which magic Wolf Link has been cursed by after the Lakebed Temple, maybe Zantdorf can sense she has Wisdom?

And then their question remains; Where is Courage?

What if Ganondorf still remembers that young boy even know? Knows that it is possible for even a Hylian of low beginnings to have it as well? What if King Bulblin and his bulblins were approached by Zant, under Ganondorf’s instruction, and told to pillage each of Hyrule’s villages in search of the final one bearing the mark of the Triforce? Right before each of the Light Spirits had their light stolen?

King Bulblin, in their last confrontation, tells Link that they “follow the strongest side”. That this is “all they have ever known”. That makes them sound more like a mercenary type of group, people following those they consider “the strongest” unless the other side can prove himself more powerful, which Link does.

What if this is the reason why Ordon’s children were taken for seemingly random reasons? Because King Bulblin was actually "hired” and told to search Hyrule for Courage? For Link? Maybe he was even specifically told to look for children? Much like how, in Wind Waker, young girls with pointy ears were hunted down and kidnapped by the Helmaroc King?

It is interesting to remember that this very similar plotline started Wind Waker’s main game. Link started his journey to save his younger sister, who was kidnapped in Ganondorf’s search for Zelda.

It would, in my opinion, explain why the kids were taken and then just randomly left for dead without really physically harming them, in spite of the game clearly not being above hurting children and showing injury. Or it would explain why that horse battle scene after Colin’s second abduction went the way it did.

But I’ll come to that particular part in Part Three.

[Continued on Part Two]

[letusmeetagain]

Hi! Do you believe there is a difference between Historia and Eren? Why did she accept the plan in the end?

Well anon... yes. There are differences.

Historia is submissive compared to Eren. Eren refused always to accept being tamed as child and Historia had Frieda telling her how to be in order to be loved.

You also have the fact that Historia always finds a third option while Eren is always stuck between two.

She hasn’t THAT violent nature as Eren, but can act violent sometimes when she loses control (with her dad, with Eren). We didn’t have many times to see her losing control... maybe when Ymir left her too or when she encouraged Ymir to destroy the tower although it would endanger them. I think people tend to forget those emotional explotions that... (I’m teacher) If I witnessed something like that in my class, I would know it’s due to repression of the true self or feelings they have to process with professional help.

[To tell you something... this reactions aren’t just something Eren shows. You have Eren trying to destroy the world, Historia and also Mikasa... Mikasa, in the novel Lost Girl, which I take as canon since is written by the scriptwriter of the anime, has such a moment when she desires to destroy the world that didn’t let her see Eren again and the price she had to pay was her innocence.]

Then you have the reacctions they had to the idea of starting the rumbling. Eren reacted first shocked, then accepted the idea because of his nature and because he could experience the reality through Grisha’s memories. While Historia reacted in the moment, it Eren had to go and face the enemy to see they are as innocents as them. 

Why did she accept?  Because Eren interfered in the curse of actions?

I mean... back then, if Kenny hadn’t told her about the “true” intentions of her father she would have eaten Eren. She was prepared to do what the world asked her to do following Frieda’s lessons. This time... the same. Her role as queen meant for her to have to answer that old question and before it happened, Eren came and recalled the decision she took in the cave. 

That time she decided because of multiple reasons that acepting to do what the world wanted for her wasn’t right: because

1. in the end, the sole option was to accept death for the island.

2. she would have had to accept to become a monster and also carry a burden (becoming a “god”).

3. she would have had to eat one of her friends that also was having an emotional breakdown.

I feel like the first one was the most important. This time wasn’t exactly the same sice she would have to become the beast titan escaping the vow. Still... now they knew about the curse and her destiny to die in 13 years eaten by her children, condemning not only herself but her descendants for 50 years in the future and... maybe more. To me, all leads to avoid preserving the cycle the royal family as holders of the titan power. 

It was truth that she didn’t accept the full rumbling and it was truth that she didn’t want to become a titan deep in her soul and that the role she was given was a burden. Her reaction in the cave, stating that humankind should perish meant something too. I took it not as something literally said but a statement refered to the way humankind as a whole works... the system, that is wrong.  

In the end, she didn’t fight Eren. The only way I have to understand it, it’s that she may have thought that she couldn’t stop him or that maybe was the right choice to destroy the system. Or she was being controlled. Or she has indeed a way to stop him but in the end... the rumbling is happening so I don’t see the point behind trying to find a way where she stays innocent. I feel like she weighed everything and her true nature was to make again the same choice of not becoming a titan, and not supporting a system that doesn’t work. Innocents are in the end a collateral damage of righting things (-I don’t support this, but it’s the way the story is seems to present it-) and we see her being sorry about it. It’s frustrating.

(Now this is very personal): I don’t see any good explanation about her more than the approach that she is very bad written and so on. It may be, but I always noticed that ““bad side”” of her trying to pop up. As well as we were betrayed by Eren, as well as Levi was “betrayed” by Erwin, why should be Historia different, when she told us many times that she didn’t feel like a good person? We are like the characters... being in denial that it’s possible for characters to do something bad because it follows part of their true nature. Kawakubo stated yesterday that the most important thing for a character is that they remain truth to themselves. So... they are being truth to themselves... Pride for Historia means to embrace, show and accept even the ugliest part of her (soemthing that she doesn’t like but it’s okay) that is that she at least wants to fulfill Ymir’s wish (she even didn’t marry as a sign of her devotion to Ymir) and not letting the world kill her.

I feel like Eren and Historia have the same tendency of acting in benefit of themselves. It’s their primary response that is somethimes tamed by their environment and you see it more in Historia. It’s always about them against the world. This doesn’t mean it’s the right way to be, of course. But at the time they made their choices, that part of them took control. Both of them also have the impuls of saving innocents. This will play a role in the end for both because they are helping Ymir. Sacrificing the world for just one person? It’s horrible. But it is expected that this should grant the future generations a better fate.

It’s implied that every sacrifice they are making will lead to a change that would bring meaning to every death. Maybe there is something behind leading things to avoid that the same keeps repeating into eternity. Historia was a piece there as well as Eren. Even Eren.

I don’t like a lot of things either... but it’s the way it is now. It’s not even an asspull... It was planned and it’s the core message of Isayama you can agree with or not. :-(

[theholycovenantrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, CLAUDIA! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF GABRIEL.

Admin Rosey: Wow - this was a terribly difficult decision to make. All the applications for Gabriel were so beautiful. But Claudia, have you no mercy? Gabriel has always held a rather special place within my heart simply because he is so unique unto himself, even among the entire legion of angels. You said it so aptly, but so cruelly: take an angel, give him everything but leave one thing missing. It’s a rather wicked script that one has to follow, isn’t it? But there is something terribly delicious about how this application doesn’t hold back on reading him right to his bones. You saw him for what he was: hunger, hunger, hunger. And you let us know that as well. The details, the small -isms that you gave him granted him such life that I couldn’t say no. Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

Alias

claudia

Age

24

Personal Pronouns

she / her

Activity Level

i work full-time but i’m always checking the dash or else staying up to date with plotting in the dms in between replies. and of course weekends are my most active times.

Timezone

gmt+10

Triggers

REMOVED

How did you find the group?  

following a bunch of the wonderful people who were involved in its creation

Current/Past RP Accounts

here

here

IN CHARACTER

Character

gabriel

What drew you to this character?

so gabriel was not the first character that sparked my interest and the aesthete in me is very much compelled to justify in metaphor (you know, the whole “there’s this japanese phrase i like: koi no yokan. not love at first sight but second sight. the feeling that when you meet someone that you’re going to fall in love with them. maybe not right away, but it’s inevitable that you will.”). the truth is, i came into thc very much wanting to play a sexy morally ambiguous antagonist and agent of chaos that could wreak havoc and plot death and destruction. admittedly, i had only skimmed gabriel’s bio when it was released.

there’s an ancient roman crying out for blood in the colosseum in everyone that will always be drawn to the dark and the delicious possibility of amorality, because good and evil lies on a spectrum and exploring the shades of grey in between is so much more interesting than delving into a character who positions themselves so firmly at either end and says no, this is me, this is what i am and my conviction will not waver. or, to quote another beloved symbol, idol, champion of the people, that believed so fervently in a cause that the martyrdom nearly killed him, “when the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world — “no, you move.””

it is hard to write good. it is hard to take a character that is so infinitely good and compassionate, someone who is motivated by these enormous, intangible concepts like love and justice and peace, and capture them in words.

how do you explain why gabriel loves humans? how do you explain how he still loves them, fights for them, protects them, when everything his brothers and sisters did to him was because the humans dared to love him back? it’d be like asking the question of god himself — why? you claimed to love humans above all and yet you gave the strength, grace and majesty of immortality and wisdom to the angels. they were your firstborn, and humans were the spoiled youngest child. the unruly, overindulged creatures that got away with everything, that sinned and yet were still worthy of salvation.

for most people, gabriel is the first angel they ever learn about. gabriel coming to nazareth, gabriel saying be not afraid as he explains how a human woman will be the genesis of the son of god. he is the first. and understanding why gabriel loves humans, as god did, perhaps even more, comes back to the beginning, too.

gabriel was created the incarnation of hunger. and i am literally obsessed with the concept of ‘hunger’ in it all its forms, literary, cinematically, poetically. it’s fascinating because it’s not a concept that belongs to either good or evil, it’s simply a force, a manifestation of pure instinct. but we so often associate it with evil, and even in the bible, too much hunger is condemned. you could argue that the seven deadly sins are simply just an extrapolation of hunger in its myriad guises. the idea that you could be made perfect — as all angels are — and yet be left with this gaping chasm inside you, this endless hunger, a hunger that demands to be fed and nurtured, sated with divine higher purpose, is like, my literary achilles’ heel. why does gabriel love humans? how could he not? he was made in their image, and they in his.

What future plots do you have in mind for the character?

THE SUN NEVER SETS ON THE HOLY LAND.

that thing i said about wanting to play a sexy character? well gabriel being the sun and the third arm of the governing body that rules over the holy land is extremely sexy. it’s a shame he doesn’t much care for it. oh, he likes the concept of being a key guardian of freedom and peace across the new world but power holds no sway over him. and ironically that’s what makes him so inherently powerful. gabriel was the natural choice for the sun — beloved by humans, martyred for his love and sacrifices for them — he’d already burned for so long, so quietly, in service of bringing justice to the world. but gabriel has never needed a title to serve. he was born a messenger, a soldier, he has never needed a crown.

and despite what they say, heavy is the head, it is a crown perfectly made for him. the sun — illuminating and all-consuming, the source of all life and light in the world — is all-seeing. all-powerful. gabriel learned at god’s side what it means to rule. and a messenger is not so different from a prophet, from an orator. when he speaks, the world listens.

gabriel is well aware that michael sees the tridium power as child’s play, and their brotherhood as a means to influence the tridium, and thus the entirety of the holy land. power feeds and power corrupts and the lack of it will drive people like his brothers to insatiable madness. gabriel used to play peacemaker amongst his brothers, always defending the mortals or softening the aftermath of their fathers’ worst outbursts. now, as the sun, he stands above them. it is not a position he ever campaigned for but he’d won it all the same by democracy. the angel of the people, the sun of the holy land. he’s never pressed his influence over his brothers, always careful to tread the line of how his title benefits them and advances caelum’s purposes — celestial beings have always done things in three, after all. do i want to see him flex that power and unleash the full weight of his influence and majesty and just go absolutely supernova ham? of course. but it will take more that some sibling bickering and infighting to spark that wildfire. i don’t know yet what that spark would be, whether it’s demons meddling in tridium business or some political shift in the paradigm, but gabriel is not someone you want to cross.

do not mistake his kindness for weakness. the sun gives life as easily as it can set it ablaze.

LOYALTY WILL BE THE LAST BASTION TO CRUMBLE.

now this is entirely dependent on the dynamic of the three, in particular whoever is elected as the stars, but i see the tridium as a wildcard amidst all the vacillating allegiances and power plays of the holy land.

gabriel believes in the true purpose of the tridium, he believes each faction is entitled to equal authority over protecting the peace and future of the holy land. a true system of checks and balances, a democracy that amplifies the voices of the weak and powerless and upholds the cause of the vulnerable and the oppressed. whether that’s in the political interests of azazel and the future stars remains to be seen.

from the very beginning, gabriel would have been vitally curious about azazel. his former sister, a fallen angel. it is not his place to forgive, but he forgives nonetheless, as god would have. if he was not a thing made of hunger, the way she was a thing made of desire, maybe he would have fallen, too. he, more than anyone, had the right to fall. but he didn’t, and she did, and she’s done quite well for herself in the millennia since. finding herself a new throne, new family, even a new brother to dote upon her. in spite of his instincts and the holiness that riots in his veins against the thought of colluding with demons, even under the new testament, he understands. he doesn’t blame her. so, i will leave this entirely tbd for plotting but i could see either a strange, inexplicable friendship between them or a playful, vicious dynamic with an underlying current of empathy.

in many ways the moon and the stars will be the closest people gabriel has to true equals. he is no longer purely archangel, he is other. he must represent the interests of all of the holy land. trusting them would be folly, but unlike the ages of old, the name of the game is no longer a zero-sum winner takes all scenario. if the peace fails, the world will crumble into bedlam. is it a doomed act, attempting to balance the three factions upon the scales of peace? perhaps. perhaps they are playing a losing game, betting against the house, delaying the inevitable. it would be one thing to manipulate the balance of power between them, feeding the poison of their faction into their governance. it would be another if any one of their factions actually won.

why did they call themselves the sun, the moon, the stars? because they are figureheads, above all. symbols of caelum, infernum, the holy land. their factions all believe them to be puppets, leverage for their own political hunger and thirst for power. they are not blind. if either of their sides emerges from an inevitable all out war situation, what will happen to them? crownless, purposeless, no kingdom left to rule. certainly not a kingdom that will be theirs.

azazel wants to be worshipped. gabriel wants to burn until righteousness has scoured all evil from the holy land. the stars will inevitably be someone equally chaotic. they’re all that stands between the holy land and desolation. it’s like the perfect office workplace drama set-up. i would like to see it.

HUNGER IS THE MOST HUMAN THING OF ALL

throughout time, gabriel has had his favourites. he’s his father’s son, after all. zacharias, mary, noah. if these were the ages of old, he might have counted revna among those ranks. if gabriel were not an immortal angel, this would be called having a friend. but because gabriel is who he is, he considers them more like wards. like he’s taken it upon himself to be their self-appointed guardian angel.

it’s lonely being an instrument of god, and now the sun of the holy land, like what do you imagine he does after a long day of work? relax? of course not. so having a friend is nice. and having someone he can talk to, free of all the baggage and weight of being who they are, is like a glimpse of the peace he hasn’t known since before he had wings.

with revna, as with every mortal he had ever taken under his golden wings, he swallows any thought of just how mortal they are. how short-lived. in a blink, she will die. in another, her name will be forgotten, nothing more than a memory imprinted in a lonely angel’s mind. he tries not to think too much about mortality, or the whims and follies of mortals, the lengths they will go to in the name of survival that he has never dreamed. their freedom is predicated on living long enough to taste it. is it such a crime to want to live? for all their limitless powers and immortality, no angel and demon will ever know what that feels like — the sheer, visceral incandescence of burning so fleeting but so brilliant that to die is nothing. to live is the ultimate choice.

also… their powers are literally antithetical to each other. revna creates reality for all the senses, and gabriel deadens them. hello, let’s talk about that!

i’ll keep this brief or else i’ll spend days spiralling into interesting tangents and possibilities but other than the archangels and select few higher-ranking angels are aware of his powers. they think he doesn’t have any. to reveal this aspect of himself, a bearing of something like his true self or maybe even a soul, would be very spicy. in case anyone needs a reminder that all angels are terrifying and just because gabriel is pretty and warm like the sun, you shouldn’t believe he is anything less than terror carved into the sublime.

SO THIS IS HOW LIBERTY DIES. WITH THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE.

this is the darkest timeline plot where i throw a dice just to see where it lands. i don’t see gabriel deviating too much from his course, because he is the tree (planted by the river, if you remember the earlier quote), and he will destroy himself before he has to bend or break beneath the whims of external chaos.

of course, it’s fun to the think about the hypotheticals so i’m going to do that. if the tridium falls, where does that leave gabriel? and to whom will his allegiances lie? if michael or raphael are the cause, would he stand beside caelum all the same? gabriel loves humans because he wants to; he loves his siblings because they are his blood and bone. rip to the angels but you and the mortals are not the same.

he’s also seen how the holiness of the angels have been twisted and warped over time, through countless wars and inimitable suffering, yes. but they’ve changed nonetheless. some amongst them are closer to their fallen brethren than anyone would ever dare to admit but gabriel sees all. he was the angel they left to rot in the farthest corners of heaven, he was the one whose wings were torn, not by enemies of heaven but by his own brothers. and he did not fall. so either gabriel is made of stronger stuff than all the angels or he is the dumbest of them all. it’s very likely both. his faith in the existence of the angels is resolute, unwavering after all this time. his righteousness has burned for a thousand years and it will burn a thousand more until the sun swallows everything and all things cease to exist. if he has to turn against brother and sister, as they did with him, and unquestioningly at that, then he will.

he has sworn to smite any creature that will strike down an innocent before him, and whether angel or demon, it’s a quest that he will pursue to its ruinous end.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character?

yes, preferably by going supernova in a blaze of gory and carnage.

IN DEPTH

Driving Character Motivation

it all comes back to hunger, baby. let’s do this as a thought exercise. imagine god in his build-a-bear workshop for angels creating gabriel like he’s pandora’s box:

take an angel, give him everything but leave one thing missing.

don’t tell him what it is.

teach him the hole inside him is called hunger and that hunger is love, hunger is sacrifice, hunger is knowing that the kingdom of heaven is empty and god is not enough.

take an angel, give him hunger, and then wonder why he becomes more human than human.

gabriel is driven by the insatiable wanting in him to do good. i will note that it is, in a fact, a want and not a need because this in itself is the thing that distinguishes him from his brothers. in a way, falling in love with humanity was an act of free will, and thus an act of defiance. god wanted him to protect his children, yes, but he had never intended for him to enjoy it. he had never foreseen that gabriel, filled with compassion and thirst for justice, would come to empathise with the humans. he never could have imagined that creating an angel out of pure hunger could make him more akin to human than divine. and that was god’s mistake. it’s the mistake of anyone that looks at him and sees weakness — why would a creature so powerful deign to care for humanity? why should he care if they live or die, or wage war or hurt each other? — they imagine that his relentless pursuit of a better world is because he was made for it. no, gabriel chose this world. he chose to strike down god and tear his throne down with his teeth. he chose remake the world better, brighter, braver.

and as god will tell you, beware any that dare stand in his way.

Character Traits

INCANDESCENT — there isn’t really a word that captures gabriel’s essence other than in terms of sunlight and burning. being near him is like turning skywards and feeling of the sun on your face. he is radiant, and charismatic and magnetic, and it ignites a sort of hunger in you to be close to him, to listen to him speak, to tell him everything about you and answer any question he asks, if only to be in his presence for a little longer. to be under the shade of his attention is like being pinpointed at the center of the universe. it’s gratifying, and incredibly intoxicating, being given the sole focus of one of the most powerful beings in the holy land. for a moment, you are the one, and everything else falls away into shadow. but of course, reality snaps back and everything and everyone is simply whirling around in orbit of gabriel, the sun.

COMPASSIONATE — before he was the sun, he was the archangel of the people, the guardian of humans and the champion of god’s most beloved children. out of all the angels, gabriel was the one who took pains to mean it when he said be not afraid. he wore their skin and learned to smile like humans — with the eyes, not just with the mouth — because it would comfort them instead of scare them. as a former messenger, gabriel’s also an excellent listener. he gives excellent advice, too, being naturally sympathetic to the plights and suffering of anyone he meets. he hates injustice and wrongdoing and if it’s in his power, he’ll do anything to help you rectify your circumstances. he’s a very giving person, and despite his various duties and responsibilities, he’s willing to go to the ends of the earth for someone if he believes it’s a cause worth serving.

SELF-RIGHTEOUS — the other side of the embodiment righteousness coin. because when you have a creature as all-powerful and driven as gabriel is, his morality is absolute. there is no room for grey or doubt in the eyes of the self-proclaimed moral compass of the holy land. good and evil lie on a spectrum but gabriel will play the trinity himself if that’s what it takes: judge, jury and executioner.

GRACIOUS. UNYIELDING. SPITEFUL.

In-Character Para Sample

Heaven is cold, if you could believe it. There are places in the kingdom of God where the sun holds no dominion. No, everything here is ruled by and under Him. His omniscience and omnipotence is all. His kingdom is coldest where light shies from the darkness, held at bay by the divine liminality of here and nothingness. You cannot define a space that is simply nothing, simply an absence. An abyss would be too poetic a word for it, this black hole spinning ad infinitum into the dark, soaking up every molecule of anything that could be constituted as being. It is a nothingness. It is a forever of nothingness.  

This is where they keep their prisoners.

If you imagine God to be cruel, consider for a moment what he does to his own children.

It could be a month, it could be a millennia, that has passed since they cast him into the shadows of Heaven and left him here. Not to rot, or decay, but to exist; the cruellest punishment of all. Suspended in a vacuum of seeing, feeling, hearing, touching, tasting, a mockery of his own abilities. In the realms of hell, they might call this purgatory. The architects of Heaven would never deign to give a place like this a name.

Gabriel counts seconds and minutes here and there to pass time. A mindless, thoughtless exercise that intrudes upon the endless, desolate stretch of infinity. It keeps him from thinking about his wings and how he might never fly again.

There is no air here to fly, to surge up and taste wind between his feathers. He’s thankful for it — perhaps the only godforsaken grace he’s been granted, a pitiful stroke of thoughtless mercy — if only because it means he cannot attempt it. He thinks if he were to try, wings screaming for clemency, searing fire along his back and down his chest, and fall, that would be the last of him. And if there is nothing left of Gabriel, what would that make him? A creature of divine agony and writhing torment. A monster better suited to hell. If he could claw his way out of the unseeable and untouchable bars of this prison, perhaps he would see that Lucifer had been right.

God was weak. He deserved to be struck down. He deserved to have everything taken from him, as he had taken everything from them.

In the embrace of the void, Gabriel oscillates through every emotion at his disposal. Humanity taught him a great deal about feeling. How hatred and loathing simmered like poison in the blood; how the blaze of fury clawing up your throat could incinerate reason and logic; how love was a form of magic, a trace of stolen divinity pressed between the lips of mortals, enveloped in bodies and hands and kisses. Gabriel did not understand love the way humans did. His love was a consuming thing, a devotion like worship. Like self-immolation. He loved God because that was what he was made for. He loved his brothers because he fought and bled for them, because they were carved from the same grace and streak of lightning crackling through the heavens.

He did not know if he loved God the way humans loved him. They had never seen him, never felt his magnanimous smile or the great vastness of his presence, and yet they believed. They believed so fully, so viscerally, they would die for him anyway. They lived their tiny, fleeting lives grasping for the sky, dreaming and hoping of one day seeing him.

Gabriel saw God all the time, but his love was a necessity to him like existence. It was not a choice.

Did that make it lesser? Was it less true because humans chose and he did not?

Sometimes, he sits here, floating in the forgotten recesses of Heaven’s prison, and wonders if maybe God had truly made a mistake. Why give the angels everything, but free will? Why give the humans nothing and only free will? It was inexplicable, the ultimate riddle wrapped in an enigma, obscured by God’s will and word, that the angels had been asking since Adam and Eve and the garden.

In the time he floats, wavering between ire and despondence, rage and bitterness, he thinks he finds the answer. — The reason why God loved humans above all. The reason why he’d chosen them, blessed them, forgiven them.

Humanity was given the choice. And they had chosen God, in spite of everything.

If he had granted the angels the same freedom, would they have chosen Him?

Extras

PINTEREST.

[curiosity-killed]

a bow for the bad decisions

canon-divergent AU from ep. 24 (on ao3)

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11 | part 12 | part 13 | part 14 | part 15 | part 16 | part 17 | part 18

He’s going to smack his head against a tree. He’s going to swear off ever attending another godsdamned conference or sect event no matter how Jiang Cheng tells him its inappropriate for the Head Disciple to skip them. Taking a breath, he turns to address the Jin group politely. “I don’t mean to disrespect Jin-furen. But your cousin has said harsh words to my sister yet again,” he says, forcing his voice to stay even. “If Yunmeng Jiang can endure that again, we no longer deserve the name of a gentry clan. How can you say that I am too proud?” “You are too proud to know yourself,” the junior peacock retorts. “Today is a big day for the night hunt and here you have made yourself the center of attention yet again. A third of the prey has been captured by you. Aren’t you proud of yourself?” Swallowing, he lifts his chin and gaze away from the other man. He really should remember his name. If he calls him ‘junior peacock’ to his face, there will surely be the mess Jiang Cheng feared. Not, really, that this is shaping up to be anything but a mess. Guilt squeezes around his spine.

“A third?”

He lifts his eyes at Lan Zhan’s voice to find him already looking at Wei Wuxian. He can’t make out his expression, can’t tell whether it’s surprise or condemnation in his light eyes. He looks away. “Hanguang-jun, you may not know yet, but we have seen that there is no prey in the hunting grounds,” the Jin cousin continues. “Lianfang-zun was watching from the stands and told us that within a dian, the sound of a flute drew almost all the prey into the nets set by the Jiang Clan.” His jaw tightens and he stares at the trees without seeing their bark. “Wei Wuxian, you are so selfish, and you never think of others,” the cousin spits, too close. “Aren’t you too proud?” Pulling back, Wei Wuxian steps away from them. How far away that earlier thought of meditation now seems. He holds himself square and tall, draws on the puppet-strings of his composure. “You people have said that in the hunt, capability talks. Why do you betray your own words?” he asks evenly. The cousin shoves forward, knocking their shoulders together to push in front of him. “What you showed is just dirty malign tricks, not capability,” he spits as Wei Wuxian turns to face him. “You just play the flute. How can that be called capability?” “I didn’t play any dirty tricks,” he retorts. “Why can’t it be my own capability? Or can you play the flute?” He lifts Chenqing, lets her lie on his palm like an invitation, like a snake stretched waiting in the tall grass. “Let’s see if anything will follow your sound,” he says with a smile. The cousin pulls back, nearly hissing. “You broke the rules!” he shouts, like a child. “It isn’t any better than playing dirty tricks.” Flicking Chenqing back behind his hips, he tilts his head in consideration. “Fine,” he says. “If I don’t know what capability is, then please demonstrate for. Astonish me. Please.” “You…” The cousin starts before turning away. His chin’s lifted so high Wei Wuxian wonders that he doesn’t trip over his own nose. “It’s understandable you don’t know you’re wrong. It’s not the first time you’ve shown such insolence. Last time, at the Floral Banquet, and now in the night hunt, you still won’t carry your sword. Such solemn occasions and you know nothing of manners. Where do you place us, those who participate with you?” He’s stepped too close again, nearly brushing his chest against Wei Wuxian’s. It would be funny, probably, if Wei Wuxian were in the audience. He thinks he’d laugh to see a man falling to such petty attempts at intimidation. He can’t summon up any laughter now, as anger smolders in low embers along his veins. He wants to shove him away, wants to call forward a spirit with nothing but his own breath, wants to remind everyone here what his capability looks like. They were so eager to embrace it in the war, so drunk with the victories he won them. Have they so quickly forgotten the battlefields he leveled? The armies he destroyed? Where was their capability then? “Young Master Jin Zixun,” shijie interjects, stepping forward half a pace from Jin-furen. “Yunmeng Jiang has no better discipline than this,” the cousin – Zixun, evidently — crows. “They even produced a demonic cultivator.” “Zixun!” Jin-furen’s reprimand is too late. Wei Wuxian can feel his nails biting crescents into his skin, cutting against the tendons of his palms. “Family discipline? Dirty malign tricks?” he echoes, anger thrumming up through his voice. “Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan warns. Turning to them, Wei Wuxian looks out over this noble assembly. All these fine gentry folk with their silks and their swords. What do they know of sacrifice? What do they know of duty? These Jin cultivators would sit behind silk screens while the world killed itself, and they would still have the gall to complain of blood splatter on their hems. “Don’t you want to know why I refuse to carry my sword?” he asks, voice lifting as he steps away from them. “It doesn’t matter even if I tell you. I don’t need to carry my sword. I, Wei Wuxian, can beat all of you with only my dirty, malign tricks.” It would take so little to kill them. A few short notes — he wouldn’t even need to lift Chenqing if he didn’t want to. He could summon a whole host of spirits to snap their necks, ravage their minds until they clawed their own eyes from their faces. They know so little of capability, of discipline. “Wei Wuxian, you are no more than the son of a servant. Don’t be insane!” Jin Zixun scoffs. Resentment purrs through Chenqing, rubbing against the surface of his bones. His hand shakes as he grapples with it, forces it down. He can’t — he can’t lose control. He promised Jiang Cheng. He promised. “Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, suddenly close. His hand is warm around Wei Wuxian’s wrist, a golden brand. He hears steps, too loud, the rustle of silk as if it’s being rubbed between fingers right by his ears. Everything is too bright, too close, prickling needles running through his skin. Resentment scrapes jagged teeth along the inside of his skin. “A-Xian,” shijie says, her hands gentle on his other arm. “A-Xian, stand behind me.” Her voice is a quiet command, brooking no argument, and he lets himself be pressed behind her. How weak, he thinks, scathing, that he can’t even hold himself together for this, that he is pressing this burden onto shijie’s shoulders. Lan Zhan hovers at his side, fingers still loose in the fabric of Wei Wuxian’s sleeve, as if he’s forgotten he’s holding on. “Young Master Jin Zixun,” shijie says, clear and even. “You’ve just said that it is Wuxian who has taken a third of the prey in Baifeng Mountain. You said he broke the rules and was too proud. I…I don’t know much about this. It may really cause some trouble for you. I will apologize to you all for him.” Horror jolts through Wei Wuxian, worse than the anger, the guilt, as she bows. They should be the ones apologizing to her — for Jin Zixuan’s poor treatment and the lack of discipline shown by the rest. They have shamed themselves, not shijie. “Shijie!” he yelps. Her head turns slightly, as if to catch his eye, and she turns back. He swallows, his throat suddenly thick. Jin Zixun eyes the two of them, lips curling in a smirk. Perhaps a peacock was too generous a comparison. He looks like a cat gorged on cream, all undeserved smugness. Wei Wuxian’s hands shake. “Lady Jiang is really polite and decent and can tell what’s right from wrong,” he says, stepping around shijie without even addressing her. “What your little brother has done is indeed wrong and has caused us some trouble.” His swaying steps bring him directly before Wei Wuxian, where he leans in slightly as if to be sure his smirk is seen. Wei Wuxian grits his teeth till he can hear them grind. Turning on his heel, Jin Zixun strolls back toward the others. “But there’s no need to apologize for your and Sect Leader Jiang’s sake,” he says. “After all, Lanling Jin and Yunmeng Jiang are as dear to each other as hands are to feet.” Shijie turns now, straight-backed and chin lifted. Even as he wrestles down the resentment climbing vine-like through his chest, Wei Wuxian recognizes this look. It’s not one he’s ever seen on shijie’s face, though; she wears her mother’s cold anger. “However,” she says, sharp, “although I haven’t participated in the hunt before, I do understand that since ancient times until today, there is no rule that forbids one participant from having too much prey. You just said that Wuxian broke he rules. I would like to know which rule he has broken.” Something splinters in his heart then, some calving fracture. He doesn’t deserve this. He’s been lying to her and Jiang Cheng all this time, he’s poisoned himself with this thick venom, and she still steps forward, still protects him. There’s a chorus of protests around them, Sect Leader Yao leading them as if he has any right to speak. Yanli lifts her gaze just enough to meet Wei Wuxian’s, and he swallows, dipping his head. “It’s not his fault that you can’t hunt the prey!” Silence settles startled around them. Shijie lifts her chin, stepping forward to close the gap between her and Jin Zixun. “Capability talks in the hunt,” she quotes. “Although Wuxian took a different method, he studied it with effort. You can’t call his work dirty tricks just because you can’t hunt enough prey.” In his periphery, Wei Wuxian catches Lan Zhan lifting his gaze, studying the side of his face. Wei Wuxian refuses to look over, can’t bear to look him in the eye. “Besides, let’s focus on the hunt, not our family education,” shijie continues. “A-Xian is one of our disciples of Yunmeng Jiang. He grew up with the two of us, dearer than flesh and bone. You called him the son of a servant. I cannot tolerate this. Hence, I hope you, Young Master Jin Zixun, can apologize to Wei Wuxian of our Yunmeng Jiang Clan.” He can feel the tears slipping down his cheeks, his shoulders shaking. He wants to hug her. He wants to be ten years old and laying with his head in her lap as she reads poetry on the docks. “A-Li, don’t take it seriously. Relax,” Jin-furen soothes, taking hold of shijie’s sleeve. “Jin-furen, a-Xian is my little brother,” shijie says. “If he is humiliated, that is no trivial matter to me.” As much as he hates being the cause of this, Wei Wuxian can’t help the absurd swell of pride in his chest. She sounds like the madam of a great sect. She looks like the lady of Lotus Pier. She is so much stronger than anyone seems to realize. “Zixun, didn’t you hear her?” Jin-furen scolds furiously. He makes no noise to apologize, and then they are joined by Lan XIchen and Jin Guangyao and Jin Zixun makes his blustering escape. With Lan Zhan returned to his brother, there is a sudden absence at Wei Wuxian’s side, but shijie reaches out to clasp his arm and he manages a thin smile. He is, suddenly, exhausted. He could sleep for a thousand years, he thinks, if someone was only kind enough to shovel a blanket of dirt over him. He keeps silent as they walk back toward the stands, carefully removed from the party itself. He’s not far enough away to miss Jin-furen’s comments about his evil nature or how inappropriate it is for he and shijie to walk together. He swallows them down, too tired to fight. It’s nothing he hasn’t heard before. “Please, Madam Jin, don’t force him,” shijie says with a soft smile before she turns with Wei Wuxian to leave. “Wait! Jiang-guniang, you misunderstood me.” Shijie stops abruptly, pulling Wei Wuxian to a halt as well. “It wasn’t my mother who want you to come. It was — I – the invitation was from me.” Wei Wuxian can do nothing but stare, just shy of gaping, as Jin Zixuan, sect heir and notorious ass, bolts into the woods on the heels of his confession. “A-Li, come with me,” Jin-furen says, and shijie’s eyes flicker up toward Wei Wuxian’s with something almost like hope in them. He won’t keep her. It would be cruel, even if he can’t understand how any of this will make her happy. She gives his wrist a gentle squeeze before turning to accept Jin-furen’s arm instead. He tries to swallow down the bitterness. Jiang Cheng arrives as they leave, twisting his gaze back and forth between the departing party and Wei Wuxian. Watching him, Wei Wuxian summons up a smile. He can’t do much more of this. “Jiang Cheng, you just missed an interesting drama,” he teases. “What is it?” Jiang Cheng demands, stepping close. Their juniors follow after him, a gaggle of blue, and Wei Wuxian realizes abruptly he doesn’t have the energy to lay it all out again. He can’t bring himself to remind everyone what a shame he is to Yunmeng Jiang, what a mess he causes wherever he goes. He shakes his head slightly. “Forget it,” he says, reaching out to punch Jiang Cheng’s arm lightly. “I’ll leave now.” “Wei Wuxian, where are you going?” Jiang Cheng demands, grabbing his wrist. “There’s a Floral Banquest after the hunt. Come with me.” He should. He knows he should. It’s his duty, as Jiang Cheng’s brother if not as Head Disciple. He can’t. The thought alone makes his hands curl back into fists, as if control is a muscle he has overworked today. He doesn’t know what might happen if he attends the banquet, but he can’t say that he will be able to rein in his own anger and with it, the resentment humming through his meridians. That alone is enough to prevent him from going. He won’t lose control. He won’t be the parable they’re all trying to write around him. “I want to walk around Lanling City,” he says instead. “I might not be able to accompany you.” He presses his fingertips into the tendons of Jiang Cheng’s wrist, just firm enough to disengage his grip, and gives an apologetic smile. He can’t explain this without telling too much, and so he cannot explain it at all. Jiang Cheng will forgive him. He tips Chenqing in farewell and turns to walk alone away from his disciples and brother and Lan Zhan.

[bluearrowed]

Name: Aang          Nationality: Air Nomad          Age: 15

“When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change.”

Aang thought that the world’s lowest point was Ozai declaring himself Phoenix King and trying to set the world on fire. Everything else was supposed to be smooth sailing after that. But he is horrified that instead of an era of harmony, peace, and love, the world is in utter chaos due to petty power-squabbles among and within the nations. They may have come together against the crazy man who tried to kill three-fourth of the world, but without this common goal to unite them, the world stands divided once again. They all turn to Aang, expecting him to pick a side, and grow impatient and surly when he instead offers compromises where everyone must make sacrifices. And now that the world knows that the Avatar can take away bending abilities from evil people, there is an endless line of people demanding that their past tormenters be punished in this manner. Trying to keep balance in the world has never been harder.

In Character -- Basic

Name: Aang

Faceclaim: Darren Chen

In Character -- In Depth

Personality:

Aang is ultimately shaped by his air nomad identity – even more so now he’s the last of his people. He feels that it’s his duty, as the last air nomad, to live their beliefs out fully. This has a huge impact on every aspect of his life – his fighting style, which is more defensive than offensive, his refusal to eat meat, and his overwhelming desire to find a peaceful solution to conflict.

Aang’s ideologies can be summed up in his quote to Katara: let your anger out and then let it go. Aang’s ability to forgive, even in the face of suffering an unimaginable loss, is what defines him. Even after all that the Fire Nation took from him – his culture and his people – and despite the threat they posed to the world, Aang was not able, or willing, to kill Ozai. His unwillingness to murder was not a weakness, but an incredible strength, and it is what defines him as the Avatar – his desire to find another path, a less-trodden path, a new way of doing things that means he doesn’t have to compromise his beliefs.

Though he is wiser than his years, and though he’s now mastered the four elements, Aang still has his flaws. He might have worked through his initial guilt about abandoning his people when they needed him, but it will never really go away. He bears it with a quiet stoicism, because he knows that it’s his burden to carry. Conversely to that, he might be the Avatar, but he still prefers playing games to practising his bending, and he does shirk his practising in favour of inventing new games, and hanging out with his friends. He isn’t a slacker by any stretch of the imagination, but most bending comes quite easily to him, and that’s given him a rather lax attitude when it comes to training.

Because he missed out on so much of his childhood, having his role as the Avatar act as a barrier between him and his friends at the Southern Air Temple a century ago, Aang definitely wants to live out his childhood as much as he can, now especially since he doesn’t have the threat of the possibly deadly encounter with Ozai hanging over him.

One of the strangest things about Aang’s life is that he’s viewed as a wise mediator – which he is – but mostly, he’s just a kid. His air nomad beliefs and practises seem extremely peaceful and harmonious to modern sensibilities, because the air nomads were wiped out so long ago, and the fact that he’s the last of his people only adds to Aang’s mystique in the eyes of the public. But, in his own eyes, he’s just a kid, trying to do his best with the role that was thrust onto him when he was too young.

History

15 B.G.

Born a decade and a half before the genocide of his people, Aang was raised by monks. He travelled the four nations, and lived the unburdened, happy, childhood of an air nomad, playing with his friends in the Southern Air Temple, and learning bending from his surrogate father, Gyatso, the greatest airbender of his time. Aang was an airbending prodigy, surpassing his teachers, and earned his airbending tattoos at the age of 12. He even invented a new airbending move -- the air scooter.

But this was a world teetering on the brink of a century-long war, and Aang’s happy childhood came to a halt when the Council of Elders told him that he was the Avatar, and that it was his destiny to master all four elements, and stop the looming war. The rift this created between Aang and the other young air nomads was enormous, and the Council of Elders insisted that he be taken away, to continue his Avatar training at the Eastern Air Temple.

Afraid at the notion of being forced to leave his home and his family, Aang made a decision that would shape the next hundred years. He ran away from the temple in the middle of a storm, leaving Gyatso -- his father and mentor -- a note. He would never see Gyatso, or any of the other airbenders, again.

Caught in the storm, Aang and Appa -- his spirit animal, a sky bison -- went down in the middle of the raging sea, and Aang entered the Avatar State for the first time in his life. He unconsciously harnessed the power of all of his past lives, and saved himself from drowning, sealing himself and Appa inside a sphere of ice. And there he remained for a hundred years, while the war raged on, and his people, the Air Nomads, were wiped out.

100 A.G.

A century later was only a moment for Aang, and the next thing he knew, he was waking up in the arms of a girl from the Southern Water Tribe. And that is where he met Katara and Sokka, and slowly learned of how much time had passed.

He had been gone for a hundred years, and the world was a very different place. Gone was the unity between the nations, the balance, and in its place was a war-stricken place, mostly conquered by the Fire Nation, with the two Water Tribes at the top and base of the world, and the great Earth Kingdom strongholds of Ba Sing Se and Omashu still standing strong, only having lasted this long by sealing themselves away inside their walls. And no one had seen an Air Nomad for a hundred years. This was not a world of balance and peace, with the nations working in harmony. It was a world divided.

But it was Aang’s job, as the Avatar, to restore balance, and stop the third generation tyrant, Fire Lord Ozai, from continuing his reign of destruction. It was always the Avatar’s duty to maintain the balance, to be the bridge between the spirit realm and the mortal world. This knowledge weighed heavily on Aang’s shoulders. He was just a kid, and he wanted to stay that way. He never asked to be the Avatar -- he didn’t want to be.

When he learned what the Fire Nation had done to his people, when he saw the ruins of his home -- which had been so full of life and love and fun only a few days ago, in Aang’s eyes -- he triggered the Avatar State for only the second time in his life. Lost to rage and pain, Aang was only brought back by Katara. And then he realised, as he fell into her arms, crying for everything that he’d lost, that he had a new family now. Sokka and Katara were his family, and he still had Appa and Momo, his new flying lemur pet. The three of them were all that remained of the Air Nomad civilisation, and they had to stick together.

Winter and Spring, 100 A.G.

And so began their journey across the world. And so, too, began his journey towards become a fully realised Avatar. Aang learned waterbending from Katara, and, when they discovered her in the Earth Kingdom of Gaoling, earthbending from Toph. He feared firebending, because of its destructive power, and vowed to never firebend again after he injured Kara.

And, always on their tail, there was Zuko, Fire Lord Ozai’s son, following them, hunting them across the world. It became impossible to remember every time Zuko had attacked them. Aang had only been awake for a single day when he met Zuko, but, even early on in their journey, he knew that Zuko would be a problem.

Barely a year after his return to the world, and word had spread far and wide that the Avatar had come back, that the cycle hadn’t been broken after all. For the first time in a century, and for the first time in many people’s living memory, there was a reason to hope again. In the middle of a seemingly endless war, Aang was a symbol of the restoration of balance and freedom. Even though he never asked for it, and a part of him just wanted to be a kid. As time went on, and as he mastered the elements, Aang knew he had to face his destiny and fight the Fire Lord.

Ever since waking up a hundred years into a war, Aang carried with him guilt and shame that he hadn’t been there to protect his people from genocide, that he hadn’t been there when the Fire Nation began conquering, and tipping the balance of nature. It weighed him down like lead inside his stomach, mixing with the pressure of his destiny, and the knowledge that only he could defeat Ozai and restore balance.

But, in order to master the Avatar State, and unlock the power and knowledge of the previous Avatars, Aang needed to let go of his guilt and shame. This was the teaching of Guru Pathik, the spiritual brother to the Air Nomads. Aang had to unlock his chakras, and let the energy flow through himself. He had to let go of earthly attachments, which meant letting go of Katara. And, at first, he resisted. How could he let go of Katara? He’d come to love her, over the months they’d travelled together. She had healed some of the agony he felt over losing his people, healing him on the inside, the way she could heal on the outside. But he knew he had no choice. He had to master the Avatar State if he wanted to defeat Ozai.

It was then, once he let go of worldly attachments, and mastered the Avatar State, that he was struck by Princess Azula’s lightning, and, for a few minutes, he was... gone. Gone from the world, from this place of existence. It was only because of Iroh, and Katara’s water from the Spirit Oasis in the North Pole, that Aang was saved. And still, he stayed unconscious for weeks, recovering from his injures.

Summer, 100 A.G.

And so, the world thought the Avatar was dead. Again. The world thought the Avatar had failed. Again. When Aang awoke, weeks after he’d been shot down, his world had changed again. Now, they were aboard a Fire Nation ship, and Aang had to hide his identity -- leave his hair long, and stay stowed out of sight. He was their secret weapon in the war. The Fire Lord thought he was dead, and it was best for everyone if things stayed that way. Aang struggled -- he wanted to show the world that he hadn’t failed, that there was still a reason to hope -- but he realised that he had to stay hidden.

Hiding had its perks. Covering his blue tattoos with hair and a headband, Aang was able to attend a Fire Nation school, and he felt like normal kid for the first time in ages. But, of course, it couldn’t last. A solar eclipse was coming, a day that history would remember as the Day of Black Sun. A day when the firebenders would be without their bending for the first time, a day when it was possible to overthrow them.

But, when Aang went with Sokka and Toph to face the Fire Lord, it wasn’t Ozai he was met with. It was Azula. She distracted them long enough for the eclipse to pass, and for her firebending to return. And they knew they had to retreat. The Fire Nation knew that Aang was alive, but it didn’t feel like a victory, the way Aang had hoped. He had lost his chance to face Ozai early, his chance to face the Fire Lord without his firebending. In that way, they would have been the same. Because Aang still hadn’t mastered firebending.

At the Southern Air Temple, Zuko -- who had chased them, and tried to capture Aang countless times -- appeared. He had been on his own journey, parallel to Aang’s, learning his own destiny. Aang knew he couldn’t trust Zuko, at first. He’d said, once, that he’d hoped they could’ve been friends, if Zuko had lived a hundred years ago. But now, faced with the teenager who’d hunted him so relentlessly, Aang knew that he couldn’t just forgive what Zuko had done, no matter how badly he needed a firebending teacher.

But destiny is a funny thing, and Zuko eventually proved himself to the team. And, together, he and Aang went to the Sun Warriors Temple, and met the original source of firebending, the dragons. And Aang learned that firebending isn’t just destruction and damage. It is warmth and life and energy. It had been corrupted over the last century, but fire itself wasn’t an evil element.

Armed with the four elements, but still not able to master the Avatar State, the day of Sozin’s Comet was fast approaching. And there was still one more hurdle Aang had to overcome. How could he take another human’s life, even Ozai’s? How could he murder someone, when it went against everything he believed in? Conflicted, he walked into the ocean, and sat alone, on the back of a giant lion turtle. And there, riding on that strange and ancient creature, he came face to face with his past selves, moving further and further back, and deeper inside himself, until he cycled back through an entire Avatar Cycle and met Avatar Yangchen, the last Air Nomad Avatar before Aang. And they all gave him advice -- be decisive, let justice prevail, actively shape your destiny, you must be selfless and do what the world needs. But, though their advice was different, the sentiment was the same. Aang had to kill Ozai, and put his duty as the Avatar above his personal morals.

But then, he spoke to the giant lion turtle. And he realised there was another way.

So, Aang stood and waited for Ozai. He stood his ground, and fought the Fire Lord -- now the self-named Phoenix King -- and he didn’t let go of his beliefs. When Ozai threw Aang against a rock, and hit his locked seventh chakra, accidentally unlocking it, Aang entered the Avatar State again, harnessing all of the power and knowledge of all of his past lives. Fire Lord Ozai, he said with over a hundred voices, You and your forefathers have devastated the balance of this world, and now you shall pay the ultimate price.

But the ultimate price didn’t have to be Ozai’s life. Despite what Aang’s past lives had told him, despite what his friends said, despite what the world thought he had to do, Aang found another way. A third path, not surrender or murder, but removal. He took away Ozai’s bending, so the Fire Lord could never hurt anyone again. And that was the ultimate price, and it was a strength. Aang didn’t become a killer. He didn’t sacrifice what was important to him.

Plots moving forward:

In the wake of removing Ozai's bending abilities, Aang has had an influx of people coming to him, wanting him to do the same to their enemies. What they don't understand, and what Aang is trying to impress upon everyone, is that taking away someone's bending should be the last resort. It would be really interesting to explore's Aang's thoughts on what he did to Ozai, and how he deals with the pressure of the public's expectation for him to take sides in their inter-nation arguments.

Carrying on from that, it would be great to explore the fallout of the war, and Aang's role as the mediator of the nations in a new time of strife and divisiveness. He can't believe that he just saved the world from Ozai, and there's still more to do. Having a little break would be nice!

I also want to see how Aang's close relationships play out, in the wake of the war. How is he going to help Zuko rehabilitate the Fire Nation's image, now Zuko's the new Fire Lord? How can he and Zuko even begin to repair the unbelievable damage the Fire Nation have caused? Also, exploring his friendships with Sokka and Toph would be fascinating -- will they want to go home to their families, or stay with him? How much of all of their friendships were forged because of the necessity of war, of having a quest, and an end goal in mind? How will those friendships change, now they don't have a journey to go on, but Aang still has his duties as the Avatar to attend to? And all of those questions apply to his new relationship with Katara as well. How will they navigate the strange and awkward shift from "friends" to "more than friends"?

Besides members of the Gaang, how will Aang help the Fire Nation people heal, and those wronged by the Fire Nation, who are probably still clamouring for justice? Exploring how he deals with the very righteous rage of people and families who were hurt by the Fire Nation, and how he tries to hear their pain while also trying to keep the peace between the nations, would be really interesting. How is he viewed by some people in the Fire Nation, and how is he viewed by others? What do they expect of the Avatar, now Ozai has been dethroned? What does Aang expect from himself, now his mission is less goal-orientated, with a specific task and time limit, and more long-term and mediatory?