#and most importantly: the reminder that community - the support of the people around you - is so important

[jayswing101]

Y'all. I have just finished reading one of the most incredible fics I've ever read in my life. It was so good and hopeful and moving and thoughtful and I just. I don't know really how to describe it, or explain how I felt while reading it or how I feel now after having finished it, except to say that the world feels a little less grey, a little less lonely, and a little more hopeful.

The fic is a Guardian fic, and it's the story of Shen Wei's life told from the perspective of people who have helped him along the way. It's in seven parts, from the perspectives of seven different characters, and the whole thing is written from the pov of those characters looking in on what parts of Shen Wei's life they can see.

It's set in drama-verse and does follow the canon ending of things, but just like how the drama ends with that hopeful little promise to meet again, this fic also ends on a note of hope, even after everything that happens.

And it is told from the pov of several OC's which I know isn't everyone's cup of tea, it usually isn't mine either, but it's done so well and with so much care, that it genuinely feels like those characters were there all along, that they were always meant to be there, and the author integrates them so well that you can see how those characters could've influenced Shen Wei. Like, they weren't present in the show, their names aren't mentioned anywhere in the wiki page, but you can still somehow see where their hands have guided and supported and healed Shen Wei.

The fic is 68,662 words long, split over seven chapters, each chapter being a different part of Shen Wei's history and told through the perspective of a different character. The author is good at providing specific warnings before the start of each chapter, but please check the tags and archive warnings as well and keep yourself safe!!

Anyways, 100/10 would recommend!! Genuinely one of the best fics I've ever read, and also one of the best stories (or rather, collections of stories) I've ever read too. I will be thinking about it for days and weeks to come, and will be reading it again.

Title: a hand within a hand (holding light)

Author: @forerussake

Summary: Shen Wei doesn’t remember the face of every single person who’s ever helped him. He tries. He really does. Shen Wei tries to remember, but he doesn’t always manage. Perhaps it’s cowardice, or perhaps it’s his mind’s own way of trying to protect him. There are only so many memories a mind can store before it starts to fray around the edges after all. So he remembers the truly important faces. He dreams of them sometimes – Fu You, Ma Gui, Kunlun, not his own parents though, somehow never his parents – and others have faded away with time.

No, Shen Wei does not remember the names and faces of every single person who’s ever helped him, but he remembers some, and they remember him in turn.

or, a catalogue of unassuming strangers and their stories of helping Shen Wei.

[tuffmallowinteractive]

Tuff Mallow Update 4/18/24

Let's talk about all the things.

I've always been a "tell you like it is" person to a fault. I have never had a problem being direct, even if it has been awkward sometimes communicating.

So if I haven't had anything to say, you can be sure something serious is up.

Most recently I moved. And it was necessary. I was in a previous living situation that made game dev nearly impossible. I'd kept trying though, even as the world was crashing around me, while trying to keep up a front that everything was good. My dev friends were like "JmB, things are not okay."

It was a hard pill to swallow. So I doubled my efforts, took on more work and finally moved and wow have things been moving fast since then!

I went to GDC 2024!!

Having peace of mind in my own home was already awesome, but then the opportunity to go to GDC arose and I couldn't turn it down! I traveled to San Francisco and attended the week long event for people of the gaming industry, via a scholarship initiative by Black Voices in Gaming! I learned so much and made so many connections with talented phenomenal game industry professionals. But most importantly, I came to understand that this little Mallow has a place in the gaming industry. That the way I am is valid. That I don't need to be perfect, and that other game professionals want to see other creatives succeed and are also actively working towards that goal. It was inspiring and humbling and I never felt more a part of a community. It just reminds me to try harder to build up the creatives around me because if we all come up together, we come up strong!

Well Now We Are Back in Action!

I am back home. Finally stabilizing a workable schedule. And finally able to finish the things I promised! I owe people content!

- The Closet Door main release

- Background art to clients

- Chibi art to a supporter

- Some art for upcoming jam releases (shhhh)

There's so much going on this month!

I want so desperately to promise that TCD will be out next month- I mean all I have to do is finish coding the game in!

But for now...

I'm just taking it one step at a time.

You'll definitely know when I release this game (as well as announce the other projects I've been fortunate to be a part of, as well as the solo projects I've been working on behind the scenes. Because I am SO READY!!

As soon as I can officially make a beta version of The Closet Door (late April or Early May), things will move pretty fast! So at that time I hope you will still be with me on this journey, as it's been hell for us all getting here. I'll most likely announce it on all media channels.

Professionals Do... Their Best

I'm thankful. Always thankful. I would never have made it this far without the kindness people have shown me.

I am not perfect.

Professionals are not perfect. And I refuse to attempt perfection anymore, as I've learned just how toxic that can be to anyone's physical and mental health.

Best believe at any point that I am striving to do the best I can. I will always give the best of what I've got to my work and to others if I can help in any way.

And I will continue to strive towards being genuine and expressing those beliefs in everything I do and make.

I probably won't post another very personal dev post like this again. But it needed to be said.

For those of you who don't know me, I'm AlwaysJmB.

And I am doing my best. 💗

Until next time~

[booasaur]

As someone at 27 y/o bi leaning towards women.. who’s born in a country that doesn’t support lgbt rights and also in the closet because of homophobic dad/relatives, im honestly so upset by this. The only way I can live my truth is to live vicariously through the wlw media that I consume and it fuckin hurts. It’s heartbreaking that even just being who I am is impossible and the only way I can is being ripped away from me. I don’t know how much more I can take, especially during pride month

Oof, I get you, anon. When it's your only outlet to something that for others can manifest in so many life-changing ways, crushes, first kisses, dating, sex, marriage, children, it can be so stifling when even the one avenue you have is closed off. And however far away it's happening, it's a reminder of the same homophobia and restrictions you see right around you, so it feels even more hopeless, knowing that in places that are supposedly better off, there are still these major battles to be fought.

I don't know your exact situation, but here are some of the things that helped me come to terms with these same frustrations:

First, focus on individual people more than trends. That's tough to do, for sure, especially when, again, you see so much homophobia directly around you so it seems ubiquitous, but if you're particularly taking WN's case to heart, remember that as much as Netflix tried to shut it down, the cast and crew fought for it! For all these cancellations, there are people who made the original media in the first place and tried to keep it going. It's not hopeless, there's so much support and so many allies.

This next part might be hard to accept, and you know, maybe it's not what'll work for you, but for me, I really did have to learn to not get really deep into any one show or ship. When things are good, they're so good, it all sucks you in, you check the updates all the time, and maybe most importantly, there's this whole community you become a part of. But when you lose it, not if, because in f/f you will, even if things end well, there aren't enough people to keep it going, the more you've made it a part of your life, the more you feel that loss.

All fans should exercise moderation and keep things in perspective, but I'm speaking more to people like us, who don't have anything in real life to balance out what we experience through media.

I answered this ask a little late because I did get sucked up into other shows airing right now that have f/f and that doesn't negate the core issue, this will be the final season for most of them, if not all, but there's still something to get into, even just in f/f media. Perhaps you may prefer lesfic, or the f/f Youtube/Tiktok scene, or webseries.

It's also worth getting into non-media hobbies. Or, you know, at least consuming non-f/f media. I remember being angry at seeing the m/f couples in pretty much everything else while we couldn't have anything, so I just didn't watch anything at all and instead just did those elaborate adult paint by numbers and listened to comedy podcasts. And once I did feel more in the mood to watch stuff again, it was goofy sitcoms and old school murder mysteries, where it wasn't really like, oh, I wish this had more of us. :P

Lastly, it really does sting at you if you feel isolated and alone even from your own family, so try to see if there are other ways you can connect with them. Otherwise it just adds to your negative feelings to resent and fear them.

None of this may work for you, there are so many other possibilities, moving away, coming out, getting involved with LGBT organizations near you or just meeting other queer people, but I'm sure you've already considered those options and they're not currently doing enough for you. But I would at least give some of this a shot, try some distance at first, and hopefully it'll start to feel better. It really doesn't help that we're globally going through a pretty rough time, but just focus on feeling better yourself.

[xxlovelynovaxx]

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Local person thinks comparing not showering or struggling with binge eating to aggressively attacking your friends is a good point and that eating disorders are a just something that happens to a person as a result of "bad choices" around food, more at ten!

(Also maybe they're acting like hygiene issues are a fun lil personality trait because they literally can't take care of their hygiene. I'd ask if you'd demonize a quadraplegic for talking about not being able to shower in a lighthearted way but let's be honest, you would. Also you'd never believe someone could be literally incapable of showering if they were still alive.)

Not to mention, "unhealthy behaviors" AREN'T normalized. I am putting "normalized" on a high shelf because it literally means accepted and considered normal by most people. Literally show me one abled person who doesn't not only judge you, but think you're to blame for your mental illness if you go two or three DAYS without brushing your teeth and showering.

Society as a whole still thinks that both mental illness and physical disabilities are essentially a punishment you earn through unhealthy behaviors. As, apparently, do you!

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This person thinks it's morally wrong to engage with unhealthy coping mechanisms and doesn't understand how unhealthy coping mechanisms can still help you, especially in the sense of keeping you alive! Wowee, I prescribe a basic understanding of harm reduction!

Also, ah yes, the famously harmful "asking for a lot of reassurance from a fully autonomous partner who can tell you if it's becoming too much for them". Like I spent dozens of hours in therapy working through the idea that I was harming my partner by asking for reassurance, an idea that was both planted and reinforced by my literal abuser btw. And what my therapist told me over and over again was that Kara was a fully capable adult who could communicate and just tell me if I was asking for too much. So far I have never gotten an answer that's not "I wish you'd ask for what you need MORE, honestly".

Also "compulsively lying", is a literal mental diagnosis that is famously NOT just a coping mechanism that people choose to do because it makes them feel better and also harms you... how? By hurting your widdle feewwings? Like sorry actually but I support people who struggle with compulsive lying, again, an actual mental diagnosis and not just a random coping mechanism people choose. You ableist cunt.

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This joker doesn't know that all mental illness is a kind of neurodivergence or that depression is therefore, in fact, a type of neurodivergence. Happiness is LICHerally a neurotypical trait ahen talking about neurotypicality vs neurodivergence in the context of depression. It's not one that's impossible for many people with depression to experience, but it is much harder, impossible at TIMES, and also "loss of pleasure from things you previously enjoyed' is LITERALLY A PRIMARY SYMPTOM OF DEPRESSION. Also "just choose to be happy" but cloaked in progressive language this time.

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LITERALLY "People who are depressed just want to be miserable because they don't like the unsolicited advice I gave them." Like I've had people telling me that essential oils would change my life tell me nearly the EXACT same thing word for word.

Congratulations, pr0-recovery people, at being better at convincing me to be anti recovery than anti-recovery people! So far I've seen multiple people that reminded me of my abusers (far more than just these examples), dozens of people that didn't understand some of the most basic symptoms of the mental illnesses they were acting like experts in, even when they had HAD them (note: not everyone experiences all symptoms so this is just them not understanding that people experience mental illness differently), but most importantly, not a SINGLE post that wasn't significantly ableist in some way.

[misscammiedawn]

Hypnotic Amnesia and Eternal Sunshine

Personal post

Trying to watch movies again and put on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind because I've not watched it since my BPD diagnosis and apparently support communities seem to think it's a perfect and empathetic media representation of the condition and I wanted to go through it again with that in mind.

Firstly, they're not wrong. But I'll unpack that in private.

What I wanted to note is just how realistic the depiction of soft mental gymnastics and continuity of consciousness is. Strange of me to say how a plot of "scientifically erasing memories" is realistic, but I've played around with hypnosis and dissociate enough to know what it's like to experience.

The present day segments of the movie are punctuated by Joel writing in his journal. We get to experience his internal narrative as he experiences the events of the day. It helps build his character, get an idea of how he perceives the world and most importantly it gets to show how he ignores the "blips" of his machine induced amnesia.

For those who have not seen the movie, the story revolves around a relationship between Jim Carrey's Joel character and Kate Winslet's Clementine character. After they break up Joel discovers that Clementine erased Joel from her mind using a procedure that targets memories.

It's actually a good allegory for how BPD break-ups go. *looks over shoulder at my Hell Box, where all the things that remind me of my former life go to die; and the external hard drive that contains all the chatlogs and journals from that period of my life that I needed to remove to prevent re-reading them and triggering myself*

During the intro of the movie Joel, post-procedure, skips work and goes to Montauk and bumps into Clementine. Neither one of them recognizing one another because they both had the procedure; during which they meet and build an organic relationship that is a little bit influenced by their unconscious comforts with one another; having built a long lasting relationship together.

The amnesia and the unconscious compulsions ("Meet me in Montauk") aren't treated as programming or commands by Joel, though.

He opens his journal and notes ripped pages "I don't remember doing that" and the gap in time and simply plows through.

When I am responding to an amnesia suggestion or am faced with evidence of my own self-sabotage, I can sometimes perceive it as an act of an earlier Camden to try and prevent me from experiencing something, but more often than not there's a little bit of a dysphoric feeling which I describe as a like charged magnet against my eyes that softly pushes you away from the offending evidence.

You don't see something like that and instantly go straight to "No. This is WRONG. I would NEVER do something like that!" and start getting worked up. You note that it's odd and something inside you just ushers you along out of that moment, like the discomfort of experiencing it is so strong that you do not linger in it.

I see a lot of takes from movies where people project their "that makes no sense" "why didn't he?" attitudes, but they handle it about as would be expected. When he feels the compulsion to suddenly go to Montauk it's not like a maiden being risen from their sheets to unlock the window for Count Dracula, it's a series of soft triggers.

Standing at the train station on his way to work he sees the train going in the other direction. A train he has taken in the past to a destination that holds a significance he doesn't quite understand, but it just feels right. He is driven by the impulsive urge because by seeing the train, knowing where it's going it's just the thing he should do. As naturally and organically as anything else.

When I was first playing around with hypnosis I always thought that a trigger would do as it does in media. Make you recoil, eyes dilate, code switch into an obedient setting. But no, it's just a drive, a nudge, a reminder. Don't dwell on it. Just do it.

As Joel and Clementine talk there's one moment that gets me. Clementine, after saying her name, sharply orders Joel not to make any jokes. Joel is confused, not sure what she means.

"Huckleberry Hound?" "I don't know what that is."

Later in the movie we discover that he was familiar with the "Oh my darlin', oh my darlin'" song, but it got erased because it is mapped to her in his mind and anything that reminds him of her has to go.

And that's how things are with triggers, connections and mental associations. It's so easy for innocuous things to be reminders of things/people and there are always going to be circumstances that you want erased.

One of the reasons I don't enjoy movies that much anymore is that when I was married I ran a movie theatre. Movies and that era of my life are linked. An unbreakable bond. To enjoy movies is to be who I was when I was married... before I came out the closet... and doing so is uncomfortable for me. So that like powered magnet in my brain just pushes it away, I don't enjoy watching movies anymore. Watching movies makes me feel bad and I don't want to feel bad.

Especially this one, which played a significant role in my getting married in the first place.

But here I am. Watching it. Enjoying it. Not turning away.

It's fascinating just what the brain can and will do to keep you from thinking and feeling on certain topics.

Trying to rescue the part of me that enjoys cinema is going to be a god damned project, but this stuff once brought me joy. I know it can again.

This post kind of got away from me, huh?

[antiterf]

hi, i hope you're doing okay! this is kinda heavy ask so feel free to ignore this but.... what do you do if you feel hopeless as a trans person in regards to all the transphobia and hate and violence we get? i feel like now more than ever transphobes are being so so extremely loud because trans people are actually making (slow) progress and trying to change society to be more accepting. but as a trans guy, especially one that doesn't want to fully transition, i'm left often contemplating if it's best that i just accept that i will most probably have to be closeted until i die to avoid hate. i already have gotten rape and death/suicide wishes many times online for simply being anti terf and transphobia and being openly trans. it's great to see many people, trans and cis, to be supportive and loving but i can't help but feel depressed and helpless and angry at all the transphobes. i'm exhausted thinking every day that my true existence is something very controversial and many people want me either converted or better dead.

That's kind of tricky to answer, I came out in 2016 prior to "Rapid Onset of Gender Dysphoria" conspiracies, the Orlando shooting and the Trump election so while trans people were still stigmatized, it was expected that things would keep getting better.

For me personally, I know it'd be silly to go back. I'd rather leave the United States than go back. The anti trans sentiments are nothing compared to being closeted, anxious and depressed to me. I was bullied and treated like shit at times, but it was still better than what I had before. Hell, I still go through shitty things for being trans, but it'll never be worth detransitioning for me.

But obviously this isn't the case with everyone. I live in a pretty liberal state, instead of restricting access progress is still being made in Illinois.

Especially when you have yet to come out and start the transition process. You're so fucking vulnerable at that point and I'll always understand if people don't want to. At the same time, sometimes we need to take the jump. It's up to you at the end of the day, but if you're in a safe environment generally besides government (this is coming from an American so keep that in mind), I say go for it.

When it comes to keeping hope I look to other trans and trans allies. I don't have hope in my government or society as a whole, but I have hope for my community. It's queer support that allowed me to feel comfortable enough to come out in the first place. It's as plentiful as trans hatred, if not more, and it means a lot more to have supportive people you personally know than a bigoted politician who'll never know who you are. I know you mentioned that knowing that people care doesn't help much, and in concept yeah, it really doesn't. It helps a lot more to personally know those people and surround yourself with them.

If you can, I strongly encourage trying to find a lgbtq center or group to join, hell even lgbtq specific therapy groups. Just, try your best to surround yourself with other queer people. It really helps remind you that you're not alone, that people care, that it's not hopeless, and most importantly that there's effort to make things better.

We're all working to make things better in the ways we can. Because that's what care and support means. It adds up the same way hate does, and if I know how hate can build and be terrifying, then I can't really say that it's impossible for it to work the other way around with love.

I hope this helps in some way. I sometimes question why I have hope too honestly. It's hard, but hopes out there.

[autoimmunechronicles]

Recently, I find myself having to 'prove' my disease, symptoms, and pain to others as though to make them and myself believe that it's INDEED real. (to my fellow warriors, your disease and pain is enough-- you're enough)

I feel in my bones the doubts and judgements (even myself) that sows the seeds of negative emotions affecting my mental health.

Why does my disability have to be recognized and supported in the first place?

Here are my thoughts:

I DO NOT have to prove my pain and disease to anyone -

My "invisible" but very real, unimaginary illness exists. I feel pain 24/7. Some people do not (even try to) understand and have a distorted and disproportionate expectations.

2) We just want the support of the people dear to us.

People surviving with chronic illness face challenges that are inconceivable to normal and/or healthy people.

Often times, family and friends tend to make insensitive or thoughtless remarks or even requests that exhaustively impact our well-being.

3) We are dis-ABLE-d

Inspite of the awful unpredictable nature of autoimmune diseases, there are moments, hours, or even days of "low pain". Sometimes it lasts for a short period of time, sometimes not.

Personally, whenever I do not feel crackling pains, (chronic & extreme) fatigue, weakness and have all the limited energy (SPOONS) to move around and carry out chores, I DO THEM. I AM ABLE TO DO THEM.

To put it briefly, even through pain, I can carry out chores that I DEEM AM ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH. Otherwise, I will NOT carry through or postpone the tasks / activities.

In my experience, I do feel that I am a burden when it comes to contributing to house works and chores nowadays. I am not WHO and WHAT I used to be -- as much as I want to move I feel extremely guilty for not being able to do so. But I do remind myself that autoimmune in general cannot be prevented and there's only so much that I can do.

THAT IS WHY when I CAN, I DO.

4) Stop putting labels and words in our mouths:

When we are trying to help out and contribute, please do not be so insensitive as to say what we CAN and CANNOT do.

Believe us when we say we wen and DO NOT ASSUME THAT WE CANNOT.

Example: You see us washing the dishes then suddenly you would remark "You are not able to do that." YES WE CAN, WHEN WE CAN.

Yes we are disabled and each and every one of us have different diagnoses, symptoms, limitations -- but we continue to fight and make things work everyday. Chronically ill people are creative, smart, innovative, and are masters of life!

We are only disabled because of our illness and its complications which might prevent us to perform, live, and interact with the rest of the world in what's perceived to be in a normal way.

But please, we will appreciate it if we you can also give us the space to fully appreciate being ABLED.

Caveat: Please do not gaslight or get AGGRESSIVE and make degratory remarks or make your loved one feel guilty for not being able to perform normal tasks that may seem easy, fast, or normal to you.

In my case, I am able to cook, clean, and do chores but in a very, very slow and painful phase requiring rest every 5 minutes as I tend to be fantastically exhausted.

(Yes, 10 steps is exhausting enough for me. Legs crack up, lungs requiring deep breathes. But I STILL DO, I endure when I can.)

5) We appreciate all the emotional, physical, and financial support extended to us

Every single effort to help, support, and understand our condition is wholeheartedly appreciated!

Most importantly, especially to the family members, it would mean a lot if we can make an effort to really learn and work on knowing the specific autoimmune disease your loved ones have.

We are also trying to learn more about our disease everyday. Autoimmune is still a big mystery even to the medical community.

6) We DO NOT NEED unsolicited advise or opinions you heard online from herbal doctors or those who are "HEALED" or "CURED" of the disease

We do understand that a healthy and balanced diet is important but you also have to remember that:

+ Autoimmune diseases are incurable. It can only be managed.

+ Each patient / fighter are experiencing different symptoms. No TWO LUPUS patients' experiences and symptoms and treatments are the same.

+ There is no "GETTING BETTER." We do not enjoy the pain, but realistically, this only upsets us.

+ If there was one single herb and diet restrictions that works, all of us would have been cured, healed.

Nonetheless, we know your intentions mean well! :)

[matchbet-allofthetime]

REMINDER GO EVERYONE LGBT OR WHO SUPPORTS US!! (I've gone through every letter in lgbt at least once on my neverending journey, I'm allowed to say this)-

words like:

Butch

Dyke

Bulldyke

Faggot/fag

Muffmuncher

Cocksucker

Fruity

Gay

Queer

Homosexual

Transvestite/Transsexual/transgender (all ways to refer to those with different genders at birth to what they are and they are NOT outdated because they are STILL used, primarily by older queer folks and they deserve to be mentioned! Sick of the fucking discourse.)

Stone butch

Bulldagger

Faghag

Munch

Down-low

Tranny

Betty/a Betty Boop (very similar to femme and other related terms. Also seems to be colloquial to my general area?? Not sure if it or similar is used elsewhere, colloquial and local differences change a lot that you don't realize until you come across what it meansssss elsewhere. Used to refer to lesbians that are very traditionally femme and have big eyes and short hair. Also refers to specifically red lipstick wearers.

Bisexual (those who like men and women/the definition of bisexual most know widely and ALSO someone who is BOTH A MAN AND A WOMAN/ANOTHER COMBINATION. it has been and STILL IS used both ways. Respect that. The older generations coined many of your terms. Things change, but you don't get to tell someone how they identify.)

Bent

Bussy

En femme/en homme

Molly/Tommy

Tomboy/tomgirl

Flower/floral

Friend of Dorothy

Twink

Twunk

Batty/batty boy

Bender

Fairy

Fruit loop

Pansy

Sod

Bambi

Boi (UK origin, akin to dyke, butch, and tomboy)

Rug muncher

Kitty/pussy puncher/muncher

Muff diver

Stud

Pack o' cigs/Pack o' fags (self explanatory, this seems to be a colloquial term in my hometown and surrounding counties. Pack o' cigs is a pack of, traditionally, butches/dykes. Pack o' fags is the gay male equivalent. I grew up hearing this one directed toward me a LOT lmao)

AC/DC (pan/bi, swings whatever way. US term.)

Lady boy/boy girl/girl boy (can be used in many ways, but typically refers to a boy who is also a girl, a femme boy, femboy, or similar concepts)

Femboy

Traggot (a combining of tranny and faggot)

T girl/t guy/t boy

Trap (widely used even now as a slur or derogatory word, but I have met many who this is their identity to some degree. Respect that. They're queer too.)

Cuntboy/pussyboy/dick girl/girl dick

Fag stag

Bear

Pup

Cub

Bull

Silver fox

...And about a million other words through thousands of other anguages across the entire world-

Are NOT dirty, filthy, disgusting, nasty, used incorrectly, or "aren't to be used by anything other than XYZ individual in the LGBT community and nobody else."

They aren't dirty words. They aren't disgraceful or filthy unless the user of the term says "yeah, I'm fucking filthy! I'm disgraceful! Fuck yeah!"

If someone says they're a dyke? They're a fucking dyke. If someone says they're anything on this list or use any queer term? Fucking let them.

Here's why:

Use LGBT people have used any words thrown at us, handed to us, words we've been beaten with, words we've held onto with our lives and anger and love, words that have been used for us, against us, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, BY US for decades and in some cases even so long as a a century or more.

A masc straight woman is still called a dyke. A faggot. Thus, if she chooses, she's still a fucking dyke.

What we're always called or what we find fits us will always become our identity in some way or another somehow sometime.

That happens.

I've had every fucking word you've got and I guarantee ones you've never heard of thrown at me since I was a toddler, running around in mud-stained blue and red converse and a Barbie dress with a mohawk in my hair. I've heard them since I was in an AC/DC band tee, sparkly shorts, galaxy leggings, and glittery roller skates.

I and MILLIONS OF OTHERS LIKE ME, lgbt or otherwise, those who "I just dealt with what they called me. I was gonna be called that anyways so I don't care anymore. I have no gender/sexuality/preference/label/etc but I answer to it all/it's a part of me now but I'm not lgbt in my own mind" are FUCKING VALID FOR THIS.

Stop fighting your own fucking community. Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop. I have been called everything on this list except for a few (because I am obviously not a bear when you look at me not a silver fox or whatever) my entire fucking life.

I am agender. I am aro/ace. I am also a faggot. A dyke. A butch. Nonbinary. Transsexual. Tranny. Pup. Boyslut. Fagdyke.

And so many others are like me like this. So many others consider these words a part of themselves.

These are OUR slurs to reclaim. These are words we made a d for the ones we didn't? We took them and wore them like fucking crowns. We wore them like they were our favourite collars, our favourite leather, our favourite words. We fucking own these words like we own ourselves and it is nobody's choice but your FUCKING OWN whether or not they're used.

Yes, there's nuance with some. I understand that. "Stud" for example is for lesbian OR "LESBIAN-APPEARING" BLACK AFABS! But I've been called stud and I am the whitest, pastiest bitch you'll meet. I continue to have black drag queens and kings and royalties and other black folk who are queer come up to me and tell me "oh baby you're such a handsome stud!" While at pride events.

I am and also am not a woman. Not a man but also I am. But I gleefully use the word dyke and fag and femboy and roseboy and pup and cub (my moddy's nickname for years was cub/cubby. Friends of theirs HAVE CALLED THEM THAT IN FRONT OF ME SINCE I WAS A BABY. thus I am called cub or cub's cub or similar.) And I use these words with nothing but pride and spite and joy and hate and love and fucking glee. Because they're mine. They're ours.

People of all kinds, all genders, all sexualities, all paths and walks of life, have been subjected at least a hundred times to at least one of these words if they're even slightly "not right" or different or weird or wrong in the eyes of whatever stupid ass societal expectations there are.

And they all deserve to use these words if they make them comfortable. These people KNOW they're lgbt terms. Fucking trust me. They learn from experience or get taught it by someone and either drop the terms or don't. That's their choice. And that choice is okay.

Stop attacking your own community. Stop attacking the "outsiders" because oftentimes the "outsiders" are part of us but don't feel like they can claim to be lgbt. Especially older generations. Older generations (which includes millennials and even a lot of older gen z and literally everyone alive) don't think they can consider or call themselves a part of us for numerous reasons.

These reasons can be it isn't safe for any variety of reasons, these people grew up being called these things and always claimed cis and/or get because the terminology at the time wasn't like it is now in the same way, certain genders were more accepted than others (IE bisexuals and lesbians and gays and straights was most of what you had, alongside men, women, and transgender man/woman, which were and still are seen as often groups, for better or worse.) And there wasn't fuck all else. Fucking nada. Zilch. Not in most cultures, certainly not in fucking America. These people are often part of us even if they don't consider themselves as being part of us.

Definitions have changed. Contexts have changed. You'll find that we (and this is ESPECIALLY going out to any gen z out here)- we have called ourselves whatever the fuck we have wanted to forever. And we always will. And we always should. We will reclaim terms/slurs and make new terms and shit, I love being called a slur, by my own people or people who intend it to hurt me. It's fucking funny.

It has all changed and will continue to. That's the way it is. Don't discount other people's experiences or histories or whatever else just because you don't know the full story or "I just don't like it". News flash- isn't your fucking life babes.

Anyways, long-ass rant over. Needs to be said. I'm sayin it.

Any beautiful, handsome, fantastic motherfuckers out there who wanna comment your identity, favourite terms for yourself, etc? Wanna call me a slur, regardless of which way, good or bad, you intend it?

Light me the fuck up, yo. Hand me the lighter and pass the weed, I've always liked playing with fire.

[daisyshimmer]

06.27.23 2:04

i went to practice today, i did really bad but it's okay i tried my best, not really but i was scared and this sport just isn't for me. from now on i won't be going to practice again. i hate when it's monday (practice day) i hate getting ready i hate my family arguing before practice i hate that im scared before, during, after practice and I'm so glad i stopped. it's like a burden off my heart. i was so pressured to do good from my dad but now I don't have to do good, I don't have to do it at all. i will be looking for another sport or maybe go to the gym. this is my reminder that i need to heal my perfectionism before my senior year. the moment i dont perfect it on the first try i cry and lose hope and im just immediately discouraged. when im discouraged or feeling down i cant do anything. it's okay. tomorrow is arafa day. im questioning my religious beliefs right now and i don't pray I don't even know if my prayings will be heard by god, im considered infidel to him. tbh I'm just going to pray because im scared, im scared of god, im scared that this is going to be the right thing all along, after death, and i just wasted my life while those believers are happy in paradise. fear is taking over me. i will fast and pray in secret and hopefully, god will hear my prayers. i hope i come back next year to see them fulfilled.

i want to leave my abusive parents in the future when im independent. i want to get more than 95% in my senior year, i want to get into an abroad university as an international student in the us or uk or germany or europe in general, a university that is known it's good and it's actually good, i want to have a lot of money that will fulfill me, i want my mom to be strong enough to leave my dad and eventually leave him and get divorced for a better life, i want to see my old school friends and be happy meeting them just like old times, i want to have a boyfriend because i feel sooo unlovable or maybe not a boyfriend but i just want boys to have a crush on me lol, especially M.O ;) i want my mom to be forever happy with a lot of money, i want my dad to stop being abusive and have mercy on my mom and treat her good, maybe buy her a present and treat her this year! i want both my parents to stop saying im a lier and believe me more, i aant them to support me my whole senior year, i want my senior year to always have the motivation and power to study and never miss lessons, never be discouraged, always be hopeful, and make it a good year for me, god please make me only have good friends and make them closer to me, and move away bad people from me to never cross me in anyway shape or form, please make my cousin do well on her exams and have more than 95%, please make logy do well on her exams and have more than 95%, please show me the truth of people around me as soon as possible, good or bad, please make have some self esteem in myself, never make me lose myself to beauty traditions, make my heart always calm, please make me good with communication with people, please guide me and make me never ever say too much in a conversation, help me resolve my oversharing, please make me always speak the right amount and never annoy others, please make me loveable and make everyone like my setting, please resolve misogyny in the world and don't make a girl ever go through anything like that, please let me find the right husband for me or boyfriend who isnt a misogynist, treats me right, and always gentle with me, and truly loves me, make him just like the man in my fantasies or what you see fit me, a man that always Leeds me to the right thing that always supports me and helps me in house stuff, who is open minded, please make me believe in myself, make me beautiful in people eye's and most importantly mine, make me always know what to say and how to react, help me find the right sport, help me find the right boyfriend that will help me progress and feel loved this year, please god make me feel loved with or without a boyfriend, after this dream being in love is the best thing in the world please please please let me have a boyfriend pleeeeaaaase that loves me, and is actually attractive, i know this doesn't happen but make cute guys in love with me lol even if they don't show it, or make them show it it will make me feel loved, god please let me have motivation and courage to go to the gym, please god i want to be without acne without accutane before my senior year, i want to reach my best weight and be strong (55 kg) before my senior year, make me take my bike to summer vacation please, please help me resolve my anger issues, please let me have my dream room before senior year, please let me have the comfort believers have in you, make me feel like you actually love me and don't forget me, please make a successful woman, with a lot of money, make me know what i want in my future career in my senior year or even before and help me pursue it, please let me know the knowledge and always be educated, let me actually write read-worthy stuff on feminism, make me never lose arguments and always have the right thing to say in mind, especially in feminism arguments, please god appear in my dream, and make me remember my dream, that you will accept my duaa. please make me always return to you and always pray while actually wanting to. thank you :)

[duodiyet]

My Egocentric Boss Is Obsessed With Me! What Should I Do?

My egocentric boss is obsessed with me; what should I do? Your egocentric boss may want to consume all of your time, even when you’re at home. Try to strike a balance by scheduling meetings around your family’s schedule and keeping your work email inbox empty when your mates are around. Egocentric employees are notoriously difficult to deal with, and their attention-seeking habits are likely to impact your job performance and morale. The best way to minimize the effects of a narcissist is to avoid them as much as possible. Keep a log of contentious meetings and conversations with your egocentric coworkers and bosses. Not only will this documentation remind you of your good deeds, but it will also come in handy when it’s time to smack them upside their heads about their narcissistic ways. Most importantly, remember that your egocentric superiors are more than just a boss and you need to flex your leadership muscles when necessary. Seeing your narcissistic boss’s eyes light up with recognition is a lot of fun, but this is not to be done at the expense of your own happiness and well-being.

My egocentric boss is obsessed with me; what can be done? Here are 5 suggestions:

Having an egocentric boss who is obsessed with you can be a challenging and uncomfortable situation. Some advice on how to handle the current predicament follows. - Set boundaries: Make it clear to your boss that you are uncomfortable with their behavior and establish clear boundaries about what is and isn't acceptable. - Write down every detail: In case you need to report your boss's behavior to HR, keep a record of all of your communications with them, including emails, messages, and phone calls. - Talk to HR: If your boss's behavior is crossing a line, it's important to report it to HR. They can help you navigate the situation and take appropriate action. - Seek support: Discuss the challenges you are facing with a reliable friend, member of your family, or a professional counselor. In times of difficulty, it is essential to have a network of people you can lean on for support. - Think about looking for a new job: If the situation becomes too challenging for you to handle, it may be time to start looking for a new career where you may work in an environment that is both safer and more comfortable for you. Using the above tips to navigate your narcissistic boss’s nutty tendencies will put you in a better position to succeed in your current role and in the future. The best part about this approach is that you’ll enjoy the fruits of your labor in peace. Read the full article

[girlsnightout3]

Saving Lives Through Breast Cancer Awareness

Girls Night Out

Your insidiousness of teat cancer is not having parallel - influencing over a million most people a year worldwide in addition to claiming the lifestyles of women for a price second only to lung cancer. As gals battle for their existence on a daily basis, a grassroots movement to educate the ladies of the world is constantly on the surge.

Girls Night Out

Those who are suffering from breast cancer are aware that recovery stems from fast detection and delay pills; and in order to find symptoms and find useful treatment, women should have access to up-to-date facts; thus evolved your promotion of bazonga cancer awareness.

Teat cancer awareness includes the education and empowerment of women and men global and encourages it to act as advocates because of their own care; it offers a comprehensive plan for working on the whole person plus the many ways in which breast area cancer and protection can be approached.

One of several first components of promoting breast cancer knowledge includes awareness of learning, literacy, and explore. There is so much exploration being done regularly to further the cause of procedure and to one day obtain a permanent cure. To ensure that patients and young families to feel plugged into the process, they must come to be kept informed about what advancements have been built.

The breast cancers awareness campaign gets results to make sufferers along with families aware of a places in which to locate comprehensive information. In this age of know-how, most people find your information via the web; there are a host with reputable and beneficial websites that provide loads of continually up graded information.

Prevention can be described as large part of attention and part of the operate of the campaign should be to make people concious of the ways in which they are prevent breast many forms of cancer. This includes making persons aware of up-to-date tips regarding diet together with exercise, as well as the benefits of other way of life and environmental stressors on the possibility of becoming this cancer.

Most significantly, awareness focuses on the significance of screening to get early detection with the intention that treatment options are automatically available to increase the potential for survival and repeat health. Doctors suggest screenings from 34 years of age and up; around 50% of revealed cases of chest cancer are found with women over the age of 40. Such screenings comprise of routine gynecological qualifications, mammograms, breast ultrasound and, most importantly, teat self-examination. Spreading that message of tests is especially important within low-income areas where by women tend to refrain from medical care because of the value.

Of course, breast tumor awareness also contains knowing where to change for treatment and additionally what that medication may entail. Within the spirit of furnishing people with accurate in addition to up-to-date information, you will find many websites and other educational centers that characteristic educational resources, may even include comprehensive info regarding treatment options. This really vitally important for people unable to make choices relating to their health.

Nonetheless one of the most important facets of awareness is reminding the people that are immersed in the fight oftentimes a part of a larger area where they can look for support and friendship.

Breast cancer curiosity saves people's activities. It can be the conduit from people : to information. In addition to for those who are in face of a frightening identification and unsure involving where to turn, the data imparted through the consciousness campaign can be a beacon of hope.

Welcome back to my channel Slot Sistah! In this video, I am going share Breast Cancer awareness! 12 Beautiful ladies come together to bring awareness to NATIONAL BREAST CANCER month through an event across the United States! Check out these lovely ladies doing what the Slot Community does best, come together for a cause, on this girl’s night out. Ladies Take Charge!! 30-minute live-streaming event! If you like this video please make sure to subscribe and leave a thumbs-up!

Feeling generous? Donate to cancer research and improvement!! Donation page support.ubcf.org/4a6d

Your support will allow us to continue to produce the highest quality content possible which reaches millions of people every month!

Let's get this party started with this amazing lineup!!!

[neptune-midheaven]

The Eleventh House

And It’s Beauties

✨~ The eleventh house is a gorgeous house, it shows an understanding and focus on the collective and your community itself. It represents what you are to your community and what you do for it. It’s about humanly love and equality, it’s about connection and the bigger picture of people and most importantly, change for society.

✨~ Eleventh house people, stelliums, dominants, carry so much love for their community, friends that can even give hope to humanity itself that we are capable of so much love and support even if we’re all different or strangers alike. it’s one of the best houses in my opinion and it will most likely never change.

💚🌎💚🌍💚🌏💚

Now, let’s talk about what each individual planet will do in this special house:

Sun in eleventh house 🔅🔆

Hearty and friendly individuals, they feel at their best when their light is shining with their friends and community. They can find themselves once they begin to blend and merge with society, they belong with the flowing tides of the collective. The collective can change, and so will these people, they love to follow the biggest trends and movements within their communities, you feel like you’ve found your true shining self once you take part in your communities ideas. People can see you as the friend who fights for what’s right, you love to immerse yourself in social movements and change which will create a bright, revolutionary personality that i’ll fight for others who’s re disregarded or mistreated by society. They hate it the most to see their community suffer, especially those in it, it makes them feel hopeless and hurt on the inside. They like to make everyone feel welcome. They feel bright and expressive with their friends and they love it when they can express their big ideas with others. Their love for humanity is what matters to them most. If they can’t engage, connect and share, they’ll feel lost and empty. Like the sun in their lives have stopped shining, they’ll go through moping and not understanding what they’re meant to be. The need to be there for others is important and valuable to them or their world will begin to grow dark for them. They’re the most active members in their communities and put so much heart and energy into causes and fixing societies issues. People love their bravery and bright charisma, they’re attracted to their light.

Moon in eleventh house 🌙💫

The moon here will do its job by making these kind, heartfelt people more likely to follow groups and organizations with their own heart and inner instincts. It’s natural that they find their place among a group that is willing to accept with wide, open arms. They just want to find a home in the sea of the large collective. They want to find peace in a group, a movement. If you see these people out on the streets protesting with their hands in the air with a sign they worked on making the entire night before, it’s where they’re meant to be. They’re meant to be here, supporting causes with their souls. These people are truly beautiful for how they express their support and unconditional love to humanity, by making others feel right at home. They make others without a home, family, roots feel like they can be safe and looked after. And this is exactly what this person is looking to do. And they want to do it right, to help other like this, they’re offering a homes and a warm family in their own communities. This is exactly why others can trust them so dearly. They’ll never have to keep searching for their place at home. And neither will the moon in eleventh person, once they find their soul tribe, they will be content, they will find their own inner peace. They want to grasp tightly onto their many groups and friends as they’ve grown delicately attached to these wonderful and amazing people they can share who they are with, their lives, ideas and interests. This is what makes them so charming, but remember, humanity is always changing and so will groups and people in your community, they are capable of revolutions and change. Fluctuation and movement is possible with those you hold closest to your hearts so it’s okay to let them free and let them change and merge with the changes of our society. Remember you will always have these groups and friends in your hearts and they are never truly gone. You can change with them too.

Mercury in eleventh house 🗣✏️

Their minds are linked with the hive mind of the collective, they express exactly what the collective is thinking, their logic and their ideas are on a far higher level than you could ever fathom, perhaps even out of this world. They are very unique and brilliant people, the einstein’s of the hive mind. They work to bring change and revolution the most within their groups. They love to talk about societal issues and bring awareness to so many of these issues. They’re the ones who constantly post about BLM or climate change facts/info on their socials, constantly reminding people about the world’s problems, they value this so much. They truly want to be heard in their groups, their voices are their strongest instruments for them to take part in their community’s loud orchestra. Their progressive intellects will serve as a change in their friends conversation dynamics, they love to switch things up with the most unique, brilliant, original responses. Their jokes and wit will bring so many connections and friends toward them. Their ideas could be considered strange to others, they have dealt with authority figures trying to tone down their minds and to try to act more “normal”. However, that can’t help them being all over the place in their communities, their strange ideas here, there, and over there! They’re the most versatile, craziest members of their communities.

Venus in eleventh house 💕🎀

These are gorgeous and sweet people, they love to make their connections work, their community’s inner workings is a gentle diplomatic mission to them, they are talented at mediating and smoothing over social workings in their friend groups and communities. They feel like it’s their job to work within the cracks and crevices of their communities just so they can please everyone and make them all happy. Socializing and making connections with others gives them validation and love. They can doubt their pleasing social lives and believe they are flawed and that not everything they do for their friends is enough or that they need to impress. They may even doubt their friends and believe they are all fake or they don’t deserve such gorgeous people who truly love them just for loving them. They likely have very warm and special friends which value them dearly. They cherish the Venus in eleventh house person as they feel like they can count on them to make everything pleasant and aesthetically pleasing for them all socially. The venus in eleventh house person wishes to live sweet and perfect lives within their friend groups and community. They are loved by so many for their lovable personalities, their charm attracts so many interesting lovers and friends their way, it becomes so normal for them overtime they begin to stop noticing this sweet gift they have with others. Charisma. One that accepts so many in their communities, others can feel loved by their personality and presence.

Mars in eleventh house 💥🔥

Their energy is contagious, their friends love to feed off their enthusiasm they love to share with them, their passion keeps their people going. They’re the instigator of ideas and changes in their groups. People go to them to lead and igniting that fire for them is exactly what the mars in eleventh house person loves most. Their role is to keep the cogs going, they’re resilient powerhouses of their communities. They all have strong drives and motives for social issues and movements, they can be almost harsh and aggressive about this. People want to fight with them because of this, they’re the best energy to feed off of at protests and other movements for change. They know what the public wants to see and can be very brilliant when giving the people what they want. As well as what people want to see changed in society. These are the most righteous and strongest humanitarians. Their motivation goes toward change and participating in their community, they love to socialize and know and understand and connect with others, though aggressively, it’s strong force that people can feel on an energetic level. People love them for their power and strength, their aggressive love for their communities, they want to keep them around for as long as they can.

Jupiter in eleventh house 🌸✨

The brightest souls in their communities, they have so many friends who are willing to help out these jolly people whenever they need it. They can be lucky with this assistance in their lives, gaining resources and money through their friendships and connections. The biggest personalities you’ll ever meet, they’re expansive in their communities. Causes and social issues are the biggest things in their lives for them, they take part in so much socially, you’ll see them so much in your community. With so many friends and things to do, they’re usually famous either locally or a bit regionally. So many people know them because their presence is so large. They bring so many blessings to any friend group which is why they get invited to gatherings so much! It’s like having them around gives others so much luck and wisdom. They should go out and share these blessings with the world because once they get into their community more, the better the community will become. These are amazing, gorgeous souls with a big heart and so much to share with others. The biggest and best of friends. They want to travel so much with their friends and bring them all to new sights. It’s so much fun to go on an adventure with these people. They indulge in doing things in their community and being around friends, they can sometimes indulge too much. They can become drained or their social live is consuming and too much for them. It feels like they’re being a social glutton. It can be too much for them to handle so they’ll need breaks from the public here and there, they’ll need to get away by traveling and exploring new places and things. This is where their abundance can come from.

Saturn in eleventh house 🪐☁️

Very responsible personalities within their communities, they don’t open up to everyone easily. Others have restricted them from society for certain reasons, to remind them that society is bad and a scary system to immerse yourself into, giving the saturn in eleventh house person the fear of stepping into the center of their community. To merge with society. They’re insecure of getting too close to the core of their community, thinking they’re going to lose everything. That they won’t know what to do once they get there, wishing and hoping that they never do. So they take it slow and easy, they’re cautiously stepping closer into the huge crowd of the collective with each passing day, month, year. They are slow to trust, and it feels like an honor to have finally gained their approval and trust. To be their friend is the best thing in the world, they’re supportive and so caring about their closest friends. It’s crazy, they want to make sure they are there for others and reassure their friends. They put so much work and time into their friendships as well as causes they support. Gorgeous love for humanity through their hard work and dedication, they’re such responsible people who stay supporting causes to the very end. Amazing activists and friends, it would be terrible for anyone to never have had a friend with this placement. Ever. These are the best people to become friends with because they’ll never forget you in the sea of the collective. They’ll be lifelong friends who can still hold onto the past. The memory lane friend. They’ll stay with you throughout all walks of life.

Uranus in eleventh house ⚡️🌪

Uranus in this house gives this person a higher frequency in their community, they’re alien at the core. They feel connected yet separated from humanity as a whole at the same time due to their drastic differences and quirks. They have this air of universal acceptance surrounding them that really is NOT talked about enough in this community, like I feel so safe with these people, personally. They’re very open minded and can find something amazing and lovable in anyone. Their huge love for humanity is so admirable and gorgeous. Even if they’re too weird or strange for people, everyone still loves this about them. They love their brilliance and their creativity. It’s almost addicting. Everyone wants to see more of their innovative ideas, their inventions, their art, their style, how they express themselves. They’re so unique, and I truly mean this, they can find it harder to relate to others like them, because they are truly one of a kind. This can be a lonely feeling but they should recognize as they live in their communities already that everyone has quirks, everyone is secretly different from each other. Everyone is searching for others who are like them, they’re looking for their kind of people in the world. The uranus in eleventh house person is no different from everyone else. They’re still searching for the people who are on the same vibe as them, who can relate to their high minded ideas. Who is just as weird and crazy as them. Their presence is so fun and entertaining, you’ll never be bored with their fantastic wit and charm. They stimulate their friends and their communities.

Neptune in eleventh house ��💤

The confusing friend that everyone is still trying to understand. Their lives and ideas are clouded with mystery, people want to find these people to explore who they could be. Friends can often challenge themselves to try to figure out who these people are. Their soft minds and personalities can be charming to their communities, they want to explore their spiritual ideas. They can heal their friends with their calm, soothing auras. They want to help others in their communities, they attract the broken and in need. They help these people out by putting in their effort and time into these problems and broken souls, it can be draining for them to keep up with. But others can’t resist their healing light. Their love is so charitable and so beautiful. It’s a gentle gift from god, an angel. Their idealization can be painful to walk into, this is what can lead to their painful betrayals in life. They help too much they get nothing in return, they give too much they lose it all. It goes without noticing their own resources are blindly being taken from them. This is why they’re so mysterious and hard to figure out, to never get hurt. They want to clod who they are to stop attracting so many energy vampires. They can tell who’s lurking around them intuitively. Their passiveness can be confused for being blinded and too innocent, it’s just their role in a huge community like theirs. Humanity and the collective is just so large it’s hard for them to even imagine it realistically. They are very warm hearted people who love to take part in huge protests and speaking up against social issues with gorgeous art.

Pluto in eleventh house 🥀🖤

These are the friends that change others either for better or for worse. Very intense friends to have, they are purging their communities in ways no one can imagine. Powerful motives and presence in their communities and society as a whole. They have the paper to change and transform trends and movements in the world. Humanity experiences the best and the worst transformations through these resilient and powerful personalities. Once they let others in, they’ve made lifelong loyalties, friendships will take them through hell and back. Their friends and communities change them, either painfully or not, it’s usually for power reasons. They go through so much for others and their communities, which can go unnoticed but their actions are not in vain. They give their power for their communities and friends. They’re very focused and obsessed with social movements and issues, or could be. Or, they could fear big movements and trends, straying away from the center of the collective in the shadows. They could be loners or who the community is completely obsessed with. Maybe they feel their community or friends are too draining for them, they suck all of the life and power out of the pluto in eleventh house person. They could fight for darker human rights, such as sexuality, sex rights, their causes they support are darker, more deeper movements as well. But these people do make the best of friends in their lives.

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x11 thoughts

For an episode that ends with a journalist Ted trusts but has (understandably) recently lied to warning Ted that he’s publishing an article about his panic attacks, it was fitting that this episode seemed entirely about what all of these characters choose to tell each other. And after most of a season of television that Jason Sudeikis has described as the season in which the characters go into their little caves to deal with things on their own, it turns out they are finally able to tell each other quite a lot.

Which is good because, um, wow, a lot is going to happen in the season finale of this show!

Thoughts on the things people tell each other behind the cut!

Roy and Keeley. I absolutely loved the moment during their photoshoot in which they bring up a lot of complicated emotional things and are clearly gutted (“gutted”? Who am I? A GBBO contestant who forgot to turn the oven on?) by what they’ve heard. We already know that Keeley and Roy are great at the kinds of moments they have before the shoot begins, in which Roy builds Keeley up and tells her she’s fucking amazing. From nearly the beginning of their relationship, they’ve supported each other and been each other’s biggest fans. But their relationship has gone on long enough that they’ve progressed from tentative arguments about space and individual needs into really needing to figure out what they mean to each other and how big their feelings are and what that means in relation to everything else. Watching these two confess about the uncomfortable kiss with Nate, the unexpectedly long conversation with Phoebe’s teacher, and—most painfully—the revelation that Jamie still loves Keeley didn’t feel like watching two people who are about to break up. (Although I could see them potentially needing space from each other to get clarity.) It felt like watching two people realize just how much they’d lose if they lost each other, which is an understandably scary feeling even—or especially—when you’re deeply in love but not entirely sure what the future holds. Not entirely sure what you’re capable of when you’ve never felt serious about someone in quite this way, and are realizing you have to take intentional actions to choose that relationship every single day. I’m excited to learn whether Roy and Keeley decide they need to solidify their relationship more (not necessarily an engagement, but maybe moving in together or making sure they’re both comfortable referring to the other as partner and telling people they’re in a committed relationship) or if things go in a different direction for a while.

Sharon and Ted. I’ve had this feeling of “Wow, Ted is going to feel so intense about how honest he’s been with Sharon and is going to end up getting really attached and transfer a lot of emotions onto the connection they have and that is stressful no matter how beneficial it has been for him to finally get therapy!” for a while now. And Sharon’s departure really brought that out and it was indeed stressful. But the amount of growth that’s happened for both of these characters is really stunningly and beautifully conveyed in this episode. Ted is genuinely angry she left without saying goodbye, and he doesn’t bury it some place deep inside him where it will fester for the next thirty years. He expresses his anger. (I also noticed he sweared—mildly—in front of her again, which is really a big tell for how much he has let his carefully-constructed persona relax around her.) He reads her letter even though he said he wasn’t going to, and he’s moved. I don’t think Ted has the words for his connection to Sharon beyond “we had a breakthrough,” but Sharon gets it, and is able to firmly assert a professional boundary by articulating her side of that breakthrough as an experience that has made her a better therapist. And is still able to offer Ted a different kind of closure by suggesting they go out before her train leaves. No matter how you feel about a patient/football manager seeing their therapist/team psychologist colleague socially, I appreciated this story because IMO it didn’t cross big lines but instead was about one final moment in this arc in which both Ted and Sharon saw each other clearly and modeled what it is to give someone what they need and to expect honesty and communication from them. I liked that Ted ends up being the one saying goodbye. (The mustache in the exclamation points!) I like that whether or not Sharon returns in any capacity (Sarah Niles is so wonderful that I hope she does, but I’m not sure), the goodbye these characters forge for themselves here is neither abandonment nor a new, more complicated invitation. It’s the end of a meaningful era, and although the work of healing is the work of a lifetime, it’s very beautiful to have this milestone.

Ted and Rebecca. So, maybe it’s just me, but it kinda feels like these two have a few li’l life things to catch up on?! (HAHHHHHaSdafgsdasdf!) I really adored their interactions in this episode. I maintain that Biscuits With The Boss has been happening this whole time (even when Ted’s apartment was in shambles, there’s biscuit evidence, and I feel like we’ve been seeing the biscuit boxes in Rebecca’s office pretty regularly too), even if it might have been more of a drive-by biscuit drop-off/feelings avoidance ritual. It was really lovely to see Ted on more even footing in Rebecca’s office, joking around until she tells him to shut up, just like the old days. And GOSH—for their 1x9 interaction in Ted’s office to be paralleled in this episode and for Ted to explicitly make note of the parallel in a way Rebecca hears and sees and understands?! MY HEART. In both of Rebecca’s confessions, she is not bringing good news but it is good and meaningful that she chooses to share with Ted. In both situations, Ted takes the moment in stride and offers acceptance equivalent to the gravity of what she has to confess. And in both situations, he’s not some kind of otherworldly saint, able to accept Rebecca no matter what because he’s unaffected by what she shares. He is affected. When he tells her about Sam, you can see a variety of emotions on his face. Rebecca is upset and Ted is calm, and even if I might have liked for him to try to talk about the risk the affair poses to the power dynamics on the team or any number of factors, I also really liked that he just accepts where she is, and—most importantly—does not offer her advice beyond examining herself and taking her own advice. A massive part of being in a relationship with another person (a close relationship of any nature) is figuring out how to support that person without necessarily having to be happy about every single thing they do. It’s so important that Ted connects what she’s just told him about Sam back to what she told him last season about her plot with the club. These both feel like truth bombs to him, and he is at least safe enough to make that clear. These are both things that impact him, things that shape how he sees her and maybe even how he sees himself. He cares about her and is capable of taking in this information; he has room for it. But it’s not something he takes lightly, and neither does she. See you next year.

Tumblr user chainofclovers and the TV show Ted Lasso. My brain is going wild thinking about all the ways the next “truth bomb” conversation could go in 3x11 or whatever. Maybe they go full consistent parallel and Rebecca confesses something else, this time about her and Ted or some other big future thing that impacts him as much or more as the other confessions have. (The same but different.) Maybe the tables turn and Ted has something to confess to her. While the 1x9 conversation ended in an embrace and the 2x11 conversation ended with a bit more physical distance (understandable given the current state of their relationship and the nature of the discussion), the verbal ending of both conversations involved voices moving into a sexier lower register while zooming in to talk specifically about their connection to each other, so I have to assume there will be some consistencies in s3 even if the circumstances will be completely different. I don’t really know where I’m going with this and I obviously will go insane if I sustain this level of anticipatory energy until Fall 2022 but I have a feeling my brain and heart are going to try!

Sam and Rebecca. I know there’s been a lot of criticism about whether this show is being at all realistic about the power dynamics and inevitable professional issues this relationship would create. On some level, I agree; I like that pretty much everyone who knows about the affair has been kind so far, but you can be kind and still ask someone to contend with reality. But I also think that in nearly every plot point on this show, the narrative is driven by how people feel about their circumstances first and foremost. (It’s why the whiteboard in the coaching office and the football commentators tell us more about how the actual football season is going from a points perspective than anyone else.) This episode reminded me how few people know about Sam and Rebecca, and how much their time together so far has been time spent in bed. The private sphere. I thought this episode really expertly brought the public sphere into it, not—thank goodness—through a humiliating exposure or harsh judgment but through an opportunity for Sam that illustrates not only all his potential to do great things but how much Rebecca’s professional position and personal feelings are in conflict with that. Could stand in the way of that. I don’t have a strong gut feeling about where this will go, but I do think Sam’s face in his final scene of this episode is telling. He started the episode wanting to see Rebecca (his most recent text to her was about wanting to connect), and Edwin’s arrival from Ghana really exploded his sense of what is possible for his life. If he’d arrived home to Rebecca sitting on his stoop prior to meeting Edwin, he’d have been delighted. Now he’s conflicted, and whatever decision he makes, he has to reckon with the reality that he cannot have everything he wants. No matter what. And Rebecca—she has taken Ted’s advice and is attempting to be honest about the fact that she can’t control Sam’s decisions but hopes he doesn’t go, and even saying that much feels so inappropriate. And I’m not sure how much she realizes about the inappropriateness of the position she’s putting him in, although maybe she’s getting there considering she exits the scene very quickly. I’ve honestly loved Rebecca’s arc this season. I think it’s realistic that she got obsessed with the intimacy she thought she could find in her phone. I think it’s realistic that her professional and personal ambitions are inappropriately linked. (They certainly were for Rupert. It’s been years since she’s known anything different; even if she’s done some significant recovery work to move on from her abusive marriage and figure out her own priorities, she’s got a long way to go.) I know there are people who will read this interaction between Rebecca and Sam as a totally un-self-aware thing on the part of “the show” or “the writers” but what I saw is two people who enjoyed being in bed together and now have to deal with the reality that they’re in two different places in their lives and that one has great professional power over the other. If that wasn’t in the show, I wouldn’t be able to see it or feel so strongly about it.

Edwin and Sam. I really enjoyed all the complexities of this interaction. Edwin is promising a future for Sam that doesn’t quite exist yet, though he has the financial means to make it happen. He offers this by constructing for Sam a Nigerian—and Ghanaian—experience unlike anything he’s found in London. Sam is amazed that this experience is here, and Edwin’s response is to explain to him that the experience is not here. Not really. The experience in Africa. Sam has of course connected to the other Nigerian players on the team, but this is something else entirely. I’m really curious if Sam is going to end up feeling that what Edwin has to offer is real or not. That sense of home and connection? So real. And so right that he would want to experience that homecoming and would want to be part of building that experience for others. But at the end of the day, he went to a museum full of actors and a pop-up restaurant full of “friends,” and is that constructed authenticity as a stand-in for a real homecoming more or less real than the home he’s building in Richmond? (With other players who stand in solidarity with him, and with well-meaning white coaches who say dumb stuff sometimes, and an a probably-doomed love interest, and a feeling that he should put chicken instead of goat in the jollof, and the ability to stand out as an incredible player on a rising team.)

Nate and everyone. But also Nate and no one. Nate’s story is so painful and I’m so anxious for next week’s episode. For a long time I’ve felt that a lot of Nate’s loyalties are with Richmond, and a lot of his ambitions are around having given so much to this place without getting a lot back, and having a strong feeling that he’s the answer to Richmond’s future. But now I’m not so sure; his ambitions have transferred into asking everyone he knows (except Ted, of course), if they want to be “the boss.” But Nate is all tactics and no communication. When he wants to suggest a new play to Ted, he hasn’t yet learned to read Ted’s language to learn that Ted is eager to hear what he has to say. And while Ted has been really unfortunately distracted about Nate and dismissive of him this season, he clearly respects Nate’s approach to football and was appreciative of the play. Nate just can’t hear that. The suit is such a great metaphor of all the things Nate is in too much pain to be able to hear clearly. Everyone digs at him for wearing the suit Ted bought him (including Will, who’s got to get little cuts in where he can, because he’s got to be sick of the way Nate treats him), but when he gets fed up his solution isn’t to go out on his own and find more clothes he likes; he asks Keeley to help him. And then crosses a major line with her...and no matter how kind she was about it, she was clearly not okay. Everything is going to blow up, and I’m so curious as to whether Nate will end up aligning himself with Rupert in some way or if he’s going to end up screwed over by Rupert and in turn try to screw over his colleagues even worse than he’s already done. Or try desperately to make amends even though it could be too late for some. Either way, I’m fully prepared to feel devastated. (And there’s no way I’m giving up on this character. If he’s able to learn, I truly believe he could end up seeking forgiveness and forging a happier existence for himself. Someday. Like in season 3 or something.)

Ted and Trent. Trent deciding to reveal his source to Ted is a huge deal, and I’m torn between so many emotions about this exposé. I’m glad it’s a Trent Crimm piece and not an Ernie Loundes piece. I’m glad that Trent made the decision to warn Ted and let him know that Nate is his source. I fear—but also hope—that this exposure will set off a chain reaction of Ted learning about some of the things he’s missed while suffering through a really bad bout with his dad-grief and panic disorder. The things Ted doesn’t know would devastate him. I wonder if Ted will want to figure out a way to make Nate feel heard and reconcile with him, and I wonder how that will be complicated if/when he realizes Nate has severely bullied Will, gets more details on how he mistreated Colin, etc. I wonder if Rebecca, whom Nate called a “shrew” right before she announced his promotion, will be in the position of having to ask Ted to fire him, or overriding Ted and doing it herself. So many questions! I have a feeling it’ll go in some wild yet very human-scaled, emotionally-nuanced direction, and I’ll be like “Oh my GOD!” but also like “Oh, of course.”

This VERY SERIOUS AND EMOTIONAL REVIEW has a major flaw, which is that none of the above conversations include mention of the absolute love letter to N*SYNC. Ted passionately explains how things should go while dancing ridiculously! Will turns on the music and starts gyrating! Roy nods supportively! Beard shouts the choreography like the Broadway choreographer of teaching grown men who play football how to dance like a boy band. Everyone is so incredibly proud when they nail it. I love them.

I cannot believe next week is the end. For now. I’m kind of looking forward to letting everything settle during the hiatus, but I’ve really loved the ride.

[dreamii-yume]

Hello, Yume. I saw an AU where twst boys are aware that they are in the game and they are in love with the player - you (Y/N). And I just imagine that they constantly argue about who is your favorite😂 For example:

Kalim:"I'm her favorite, she already raised magic of my ssr to Lv10"

Rook:"Qui, but she didn't roll for you, and she made 100 rolls to get my ssr. Obviously I am her favorite"

Deuce:"We are best friends, moreover I was her first ssr, I am the favorite one"

Epel:"Wait until my ssr will come out, I'll show you who's her favorite"

Vil:"Look who is talking, potato. Wait until MY ssr will come out"

Jamil:"I just want to remind you all that she pick up MY sr card as her support at the very beginning, hm~"

Ruggie:"She doesn't have my ssr, but I was on the start screen for 3 weeks straight, shishishi~"

Lilia:"Fufufu~, your kids are so funny. We already know who is the favorite one"

... Something like that. I just want to share my thoughts with you🤗 (also twst boys get very proud when you place them on youe start screen)

You don’t know anything. You’re unaware and it would, unfortunately, forever be like that.

They didn’t know what exactly made them self-aware in the first place, a glitch perhaps? Whether it was an error in the program, or just some supernatural stuff at play, it didn’t really matter. The cast accepted their situation as it is, since they were already comfortable before. They have their own world to run around with, and most importantly, they have “you” as their owner of some sort. Their sole job is to entertain you through the screen that separates both fantasy and reality, playing by the script that was encoded in their files.

When they play it right, you laugh and you squeal, so they can’t help but find it really amusing. Before they knew it, they’re purposely exaggerating their acting and voices just to see how you will react, even ad-libbing at some point. Those were words solely meant just for you so, of course you’ll get confused, you didn’t hear any of these words from other people. Some parts of them wishes that you would actually come into terms that they’re alive now, that they can see and hear everything you do in the game. But in the end, you always concluded it to be an easter egg, a fun little bug that the developers purposely dropped it in for some lucky players to discover.

Unfortunately, they don’t have any control on who you’ll get in the gacha system, even if the rates for a specific character are up. It sucks, and quite honestly concerning to see you empty your wallet just to get that special SSR card of a specific character. “Make sure to leave some for yourself” is what they want to convey to you, but you know how it is. Even so, they’re still at least thankful and appreciative of your effort just to get your hands on one of them. They’re concerned, but they can’t deny that having a special card, one that you would definitely put your time, money, and effort to, makes them feel giddy.

Of course, they wouldn’t forget about the sheer happiness in your eyes when you finally got that character you wanted, you’re so happy that sometimes it brings you to tears. In an outsider perspective, it’s such a stupid reason to be happy for, you even tease yourself for it sometimes. But what you didn’t know is that every time you pull, they all have their fingers crossed and praying that you’ll finally get their special card. Calling that happiness stupid is a hypocritical statement for they, as mere game characters, were just as ecstatic to finally place their seats in your inventory.

...Even if you won’t be aware of that happiness yourself.

Interactions with you are their favorite time, just seeing you listen to their voice so attentively and excitedly brings a smile in their face. They especially love the moment where you would actually touch their avatars, you don’t know it but they can feel it. Every time you give a poke, it makes their digital heart beat faster but cleverly covering them with the lines in correspondent with that action. You laugh, even saying a playful apology when they would get “angry” with you for poking them too much, and that alone makes them swoon more for your touch. So much so that when you’re finally satisfied and about to move on to another option, they would suddenly yell out another unexpected line just to get your attention back, breaking through their written character. It works half of the time.

There are so much more that you didn’t know was happening beyond the screen. The excitement they feel whenever you would pick them for battle, levelling their cards up, and putting them up in your home screen is basically a privilege that every character hoped to have soon. Of course, they’re constantly trying to one-up each other, arguing which character is your favorite, and flaunting the achievements they had with you. You don’t know that when they tell you to come back tomorrow within each daily log-ins, they really meant it and are actually willing to increase the prizes you get from them. When you don’t play the game for just a single day, they get worried and anxious as they don’t have any way of communicating with you without opening the app.

This, and so much more, everything. You’re unaware of everything, their feelings, their affections, and all the words that they want to tell you. No matter how much you praise them, tell them how much you love each and one of them, they know that its all superficial in the end. They know that you don’t really see them as real people as in a technical sense, they’re not supposed to be alive, their everything are nothing but a bunch of codes. Their game may be the center of your attention for now, but it’s just a matter of time before another revolutionary game comes out and steal that attention away.

It’s sad, isn’t it? If they knew that they would be this attached to you, maybe it was better if they didn’t gain the ability to be self-aware after all. All attempts of trying to communicate with you would most likely be terminated as going rouge from their original role is a clear violation, and it risks their existence all in all. They…weren’t supposed to have these feelings in the first place, they’re game characters and yet, the truth hurts them physically. They can’t suddenly talk out of their characters and yell out their feelings and emotions because that’s not how the game and story works.

In the end, you would forever remain oblivious to their affections...

...Well, that is until they discover how to mess with the code of the game itself.

Why the fck did I turn this happy, silly and interesting ask so angsty. I LOVE this AU omg- 

[snarkywrites]

Mars in Cancer: The Fall

Mars is now in the sign of Cancer as of April 23rd and will remain in this sign until June 11th, 2021. This will be a powerful transit as Mars will be in a Water sign, reminding us how to navigate our emotions. Mars in Cancer will dig deep, uncovering what ticks us and will then allow us to face it. The key is not to let impatience take over, instead we should find ways to be more receptive to healing and working with our emotions. While this transit can feel heavy, it is a powerful one to begin new things since Cancer is a Cardinal sign. While Mars is in “fall” in Cancer, there are wonderful things associated with this Mars sign. We can truly focus on the things that matter. Helping others will be easier. Relationships with friends and family can strengthen, even our own romantic partnerships can benefit from this transit. What is important to us, what we honor will take center stage. So, while our emotions might run on a high, we will always be brought back home to the ones we love with this transit.

Aries – The focus now for you will move to the career sector. Be more harmonious at home since you can explode. You are going to need a balance for home and work during this transit as you could feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. A friendly reminder is not to burn out, take breaks and do things slowly. Although going “slow” is not part of the Aries repertoire, during this time, you will need to be more analytical because crashing and burning is not an option for Cardinal signs.

Taurus – Positive things are on the horizon for you with this Mars transit. If you have felt creatively stumped, this transit will have a positive sextile to your sign, allowing you to channel your energies into new endeavors with confidence and pride. The next seven weeks are going to allow you to reshape the way you plan and do things when it comes to communicating, creating and travel.

Gemini – A sigh of relief as Mars moves away from your sign and enters Cancer. You can now focus on more material and concrete things as Mars brings you more focus. The drive you felt before will be concentrated now on building and creating. Use this transit to be more financially conscious and not to let yourself be consumed by your emotions. Mars here wants you to succeed through patience and self control.

Cancer – Having Mars in your sign can bring the good and the bad. While you will feel inspired and prepared to take on the world, you can also suffer from burning out too fast if you do not pace yourself. In a water sign, you are going to feel more emotional and susceptible if you are down. A good yoga session can help release anger when you are frustrated and most importantly, bring optimism to the table. Nevertheless, this energy brings you clarity and a new method to face your fears.

Leo – Mars Will serve as an agent that will clear out everything that has been clouding your judgement. As Mars pushes closer to your ascendant, this is a rewind and a way to truly analyze the lessons you have learned in the last year. While Mars makes you less motivated here, you can still feel some highs and lows. Meditation can help you deal with holding in anger or pain. This is your moment to release.

Virgo – During this transit, you are going to feel more inclined to feel the people in your life provide help where you need it the most. This is also a great time to perfect your craft. This energy can also feel like it will be uncovering topics you might have let go. But alas, you are going to have the protection, support, and care from those around you to stay focused and feel stronger.

Libra – All eyes will be on you with this transit. Mars is going to reevaluate how you present and carry yourself for the next several weeks. You have the point of access to further expound on your successes. Make the right moves, connect with the right people, and show those in power just how good of a worker or student you are.

Scorpio – There will be friendly connections with Mars in Cancer creating a trine with your sign. You can navigate this energy seamlessly as Mars serves as inspiration to further your goals and dreams. The stage is being set with this transit as it closes into the highest point in your chart. Make sure to learn and grow so Mars’ entry in Leo can help you be more triumphant.

Sagittarius – It can feel like a whirlwind with Mars bring some of the past back to the present. As Mars digs deep into your psyche for the next seven weeks, you will be granted the option of either letting go or moving forward. While this might seem unpleasant at first, you will find the strength and courage within you before Mars enters radiant Leo.

Capricorn – With Mars now adding some flare to Cardinal signs, you might feel a sense of frustration but with patience you can climb any mountain. Mars reminds you of the important things during this time as well as the impact relationships have on you. Speak to your friends or partners if they are making things more challenging for you. How you communicate with them now will strengthen the bond and empower you.

Aquarius – Mars entering Cancer will have you more focused on your goals and accomplishments. This energy is going to push you to make changes and there could be a sense of transformation towards the end of this transit. Set your sights on big things, change up your routine and make glorious plans for the future since you have the motivation to succeed.

Pisces – This energy will be pleasant and much needed for water signs as it motivates all of you to push through ahead. You are also going to be encountering some interesting people during this time since it brings some action to your romantic life. This energy can make current relationships more exciting or bring some conflicts. Make sure to bring your diplomatic skills to the table whenever needed.

[manonamora-if]

And what a year it has been. I have decided to not be original and follow the steps of other IF authors and have a little final updates on this year.

I don't really talk much about personal things on this Tumblr (maybe I should, maybe I should leave it like this), but it has been a strange year. I moved across the world early 2021, had to deal with a terrible administration to have my papers in orders (it took for some 8 months you guys...), lost some people and almost lost some more, was hella bored waiting for things to come through (completely out of my control), met some new people, had a small culture clash along the way... and, most importantly, survived another year (even with the C-panini looming over our heads - get vaccinated and boosted).

One highlight of this year was coming to this hell of a website and interacting with cool people, exchanging ideas and information, and working in even cooler projects. I think what saved my sanity was starting creating IF stuff. Sure I had to take a (long) break or two along the way, but helped so much with keeping a semblance of a routine (with M's help too).

Since April-ish, I have worked on a bunch of stuff (see the Master list). There is probably too much I want to say about these projects, so I'll limit myself to a few words each. Meeting the Parents was a RIDE, that taught me a coding language or two and some cool praises. Crimson Rose and White Lily has been and still is EXCITING, and reminded me to keep things simple and organized. Exquisite Cadaver was QUICK but not easy, and took me in a deeper dive into coding and macro use. TTTT was PAUSED as soon as it started, but it will come back hopefully sometime next year. And other ideas and projects that are still in the infant stage.

As I dived back into writing, something that I had forsaken for too many years, I learned a lot about myself and what I liked doing. I worked hard... and also barely. I wrote much more than I thought I would, and also barely finished NaNoWriMo. I failed many, many, times and also succeeded (unless you are called Tweego, I will master you next year!). I have given up and started again. I have been excited and annoyed, infuriated and ecstatic, and felt so much that I thought I would not feel as deeply again (fuck you, depression). And I have worked a lot on myself. I don't think I can completely stop comparing myself to other people, in how much or well I write or the numbers I get; or stop myself from feeling undeserving and out of place in this space. But sharing some stuff that is not always shared here and be vulnerable here has helped me tremendously. I can still be afraid to fail, but it is getting easier to get over with it.

This year has been great. This year has been terrible. It is ending just fine, around people I love and care, with some lovely food and drinks. I hope you are able enjoy the passage into the new year as happily as I definitively will.

Boy-o-boy am I excited for this new year!

I can't wait to get deeper into the IF Ocean and its wonderful games. I don't think I have been trying out as many games as I wanted, but I have already set myself some time to look up fun demos to try out and be excited about. I have a saved list already on itch. I also want to be more part of the community in terms of supporting other authors (as much as I can, cause we are all #broke here). Expect some bunch of reblogs maybe?

There are a few projects that I have on the horizon:

First, CRWL Chapter 2 should be out some time in 2022 Q1 (depends on how fast the re-drafting/proofreading goes).

I do want to finish and submit TTTT to the next IF Comp, the code is there and works, I just need to do the hard part of actually writing characters and backstory.

M has been hard at work with his Lovecraftian-inspired IF, which I will code (yay for less work!); I will take whatever is done and probably submit it to a Halloween-themed jam on itch later this year. I have read his file and I have to say... THIS IS SO COOL. Unfortunately, he is going to have busy days ahead so progress will be ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Some other stuff I am looking forward to:

I think one of my games will be hitting a milestone soon.

Next month will be the 6-month anniversary of CRWL, and like MtP I am planning on doing a small retrospection on how well it is doing and some stuff I've learnt working on this project.

Some other IFs I am following are getting an update or are releasing their demos.

Finally making Tweego my b*tch (hopefully... it's really not easy 😭)

My birthday will be coming up sooner than I'd like it too. But I've stopped being afraid of seeing my age grow and not feeling like I am keeping up with my peers. I am really looking forward to my favourite meal 😂

Finally, I've been toying with the idea of getting some sort of Kofi or add a Donate button to my itch page. And a Discord for beta testers. I'd need to mull it over a bit longer.

Anyway... see you all in the new year! Luv ya!