#and my birth control has been fucking with my energy severally

[learn-and-accept]

I'm back in the place I grew up for the first time since moving 6 months ago and it is so fucking weird and I have a lot of feelings

[onesaltysir]

So lately everywhere I go, be it online or in public, there's small children. I can't imagine working all day and then coming home to that, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. Autism and ADHD along with a SEVERE case of misophonia would never let me do it. On one hand I don't mind fantasizing about having a kid. A quiet kid that mostly behaves, isn't too messy, and isn't fucking screaming all the time. The sad thing is, there isn't a single real child like that that actually exists. I fucking hate kids so much. Not only kids, but breeders themselves as well. And yes, I do mean breeders. Because a PARENT actually PARENTS the child. A breeder just has a kid and lets it do whatever it wants. People who take their kids to restaurants? Breeders. People who take their kids to weddings, funerals, etc? Breeders. People who let their kids scream as loud as they want for as long as they like? BREEDERS. If I go to a restaurant and see someone taking a high chair to a nearby table, I leave immediately. I can't fucking do it. Kids are disgusting and loud, my anxiety and sensory issues make them an immediate nope. I can't stand them. And yet when people say they're childfree, they're the selfish ones? Don't make me laugh. If anything, childfree people have consideration for not only others but themselves as well. They don't drive themselves into depression, exhaustion, and bankruptcy.

I'm SO TIRED of people asking me about children. That's why I'm posting this. I get questions from people in my life asking me 'when are you going to have children' 'do you want children'

It's because I'm literally afraid of children. They're too loud, too gross, too high energy, too high maintenance, TOO MUCH. Breeders thinking their kid can just go anywhere they like to do whatever they want with absolutely NO discipline or restraint is a new level of selfish and it's ruined so many experiences that would have been great without the screaming uterine discharge coughing uncovered everywhere. I fucking hate children. Ignore this post, block me if you want, but if you try to interact with me in favour of breeders or failed birth control, you've already lost your battle.

[blondrichclosetwitch]

New recording 67 “Gina”January 15, 2017

We are protected against blond, aren’t we? Yeah. Didn’t you guys tell me to email Laurie? (at that moment laura by Bat for Lashes starts to play)

OK. Is it true that yesterday Blond was pregnant? That she tricked Jakk into getting pregnant. Is she still pregnant?

She is.

Is she going to miscarry? (As soon as I was told she was pregnant I was assured she would miscarry, that it was the “decision of the Gods”.)

Does her mother realize she tricked Jack into getting pregnant?

Does Jack understand why I contacted Laurie? Can I unblock him now?

Did he understand I just couldn’t deal with answering that question last night?

Hasn’t he been communicating with me through Stella? Has he consciously… So did he ask me that question for Blond?

Got it.

OK I’m confused are you saying this whole time he’s been putting up this pretense for her? He knows it hurts me when he says “my mother-in-law” or “my wife”. But She knows it hurts me.

(Drinks tea)

Did he tell her something last night?

Did she make… He told her something. Did he tell her he wanted a divorce? Did he tell her even if there was a baby? He was gonna be with me.

(Sighs)

He already said that.

She can’t have a baby. She did it to trick him.

I mean, I know you guys are bad with time, though. Is this you saying “yes, we’re bad with time?” So that conversation happened last night?

No.

Should I keep my phone blocked from him for now? And just take some space. He knows why I emailed her.(Starts looking things up)

So, what did Lori think of my email? She knows why I’m emailing?

When she comes to New York, is she gonna call me? That’s what I asked.

Will Lonnie respond to email?

Will he come see me?

Long pause

*So, all this stuff about Blond… Everything you’ve been feeding me about the visions and about Blond being close to the edge, and about Blond being insane… it’s been true, right? *

And Blond being controlling… Like, but people know this. (Pause)

Yes.

(Pause, she breathes)

There were several spells, is that correct. She did somewhere between Like, would you say there were more than 15? More than 25? So she did somewhere between 15 and 20… Were there more than 20?

She did more than 20 spells on me and Jakk.

Has she lost her power over Jakk now?

Is he gonna feel it? Or is he just completely freaked out from her being pregnant?

But she had stopped taking her birth control you said. Fucking bitch. And she is going to miscarry?

(Receiving a response)

Oh yeah.

Hardcore.

Wow.

Yeah. I see that, I see that she’s gonna miscarry; you’re making that very clear.

(Makes a noise)

It’s gonna be painful.

Wow.

It’s gonna be like my abortion.

Is she gonna be alone for it?

Are you saying that she’s basically gonna go through the experience I went through?

So that she’ll know what she put me through.

Oh; interesting.

(Exhales emotionally)

Whoa.

(Exhales again)

Whoa.

What week is she in? Is she in 9 weeks?

Yeah?

She’s in her 9th week?

Is it happening this week?

(Pause)

So the conversation jakk and I had last night….didn’t actually happen yet, is that correct?

(Pause)

Ok.

(Long pause)

OK. So the conversation about her miscarrying, that’s future. But he can still mostly hear me through Stella, or through the pendulum.

OK. Is she gonna leave me alone now? You know she called the cops yesterday. That was her boyfriend or someone, who called me? Who seemed like an idiot.

She should not have tricked jack into that baby.

So you think by the end of the week.

Do you think I can let go of the death doula for now?

I mean, I have all the guides. I have you and Stella and random, and God. I feel like you guys keep me busy. We could start looking at some spiritual work to do. Is Blond spiritual? No. So sad that she like,… She’s so fucked up.

Like, the spells are serious shit though… like it needs to be dealt with. You can’t go around casting spells on people. What is this pain right here about? I just tapped into the energy in my accident leg when I did that. Is that Stella?

Is that the thing with her and my brother? Is that why I woke up with evita in my head? Talk to me about that. He is suicidal? It is true about(mentions the controversial thing )?

Stella does want me to tell him, is that true? And God wants me to tell him. If it will keep him on earth.

So is this about, is this about doing that? Having to get started on it.

OK I hear you. I’ll put Blond & Jakk on the back burner. Ok no problem done.

Cause that’s the priority.

I’ll do anything for stella. When does the letter need to be sent by? The 24th? Earlier than that? Let’s see the calendar.

The 23rd?

I’m just gonna give you dates and you’ll tell me which is the latest I can send it by. 15? Tell me the latest. The 17, 18, 19/20, 21st, 22nd, 23rd, the 24th.

So I have to email the letter on the 24th. Writing on calendar email to brother the 24th wait let’s make it edit all day.

Holy shit. So I have to start writing it. Should I start sending him little text messages in the meantime? That gives me a week. And I talked to Jane on the 22nd and she can confirm the suicide stuff. And I can send it on the 24th. (Side note: I did not send it and if I had gone to my brother with what I was told to tell him to keep him from suicide, it is highly doubtful he would still be talking to me. )

Did Sonia and Paul hate each other?

Yes was Sonia sexually abused as a child? By her father? Was she raped a lot as she was growing up?

So she had a very similar life to me. Wow.

Is she buried anywhere? France? Paris? So I could go when I go back. Did nusch ever forgive Paul for separating her and Sonia?

But she didn’t see paul very much in those llast years. Because she went back to Paris.

If I asked jakk if Blond is pregnant, would he say yes?

You would only be telling me true information. You wouldn’t tell me some true stuff and then some untrue stuff.

(Long pause)

“Thanks for meeting with me. Your daughter is very troubled. “

Should I do a session with Langston about this? That’s what I thought too. Cause he’ll be able to find stuff. The baby and the accident are connected.

But today we have to focus on work because we have to make the money to give it to landlord today. As long as I do not email her call her contact her she cannot contact me is that right. So she can’t have access to me. (about cat)Why is your stomach pushed out? Does she have a tumor in there?

Is it malignant?

(Starts googling, gasps) it’s malignant?

(End tape.)

[gaysimpsstuff]

Could I get a Hawks in his rut headcanon?

No problem, Anon! I’m sorry this took so long, I wanted it to be perfect since I really like thinking about Hawks’ avian traits, and I know people really like it too. I hope it’s good! 

Hawks Rut Headcannons

Genre: fluff, smut

Type: headcannons (so... many... headcannons)

Warnings: animal traits, Keigo being possessive af, the commission being assholes, sickness, food, breeding kink, lots of horny times

Other: most of this is based off of real research, but some of it also comes from personal preference. @keilemlucent and their fic Best Nest very much inspired many other headcannons, check them outI They’re one of my favorite creators, and the linked fanfic is one of my favorites! Hope it’s okay I tagged you here lmao

NSFW Taglist: @smolchildfangirl @combat-wombatus @mandalorian-baby-bird @waffleareniceandfluffy (Lemme know if you wanna be added to or removed from the Taglist)

Remember to check if requests are open before sending in a request. This was made while requests were still open.

Pre-Rut Behaviors

Grooming and Preening

Before his rut, Keigo starts to feel dirty. He just seems to accumulate more dust and dirt during hero work than usual. He’ll come back home grumbling about blood in his hair and little bits of concrete in/on his skin.

He will insist you clean him off. So you get to brush his hair, put creams on his face, and wash him off in the shower.

Finally, there’s the preening. If he lets you preen his wings, then you know he’s in it for life. He loves and trusts you with everything he has. 

Expect him to press his nose against yours a lot.

Possessiveness and Protection

You’ll notice he gets more clingy, more possessive of you. He gets really controlling in the days leading up to his rut, so you’ll be annoyed a  l o t.

Just text all your friends and family that you’ve been swamped at work, it’d be a little weird to say “hey guys, sorry I can’t hang out, my boyfriend’s horomones are crazy right now and he gets really insecure if I so much as exist near anyone but him.”

You would come home from work and he’s already on you, sniffing your body to see who you’ve been around, and to see if any of them were attracted to you at all.

If he had any kind of sneaking suspicion that anyone posed a threat, he’s literally laying on you and rolling on top of you to try and get his scent on you. Even if no one will smell it except him, he’s gonna do it.

He’s so protective of you, and if something tiny hurts you or makes you upset...

He.

Is.

Angry.

Someone was rude to you? He’s screaming at them.

Someone tries to hurt or touch you? You’ve got to hold him back to stop him from ripping that person apart limb from limb.

All that x100 when he’s approaching his rut.

One person accidentally bumps into you? He takes it as passive aggressiveness even if they’re very apologetic about it.

You stub your toe on a table? He’s smashed the table and burnt it then thrown the ashes in the ocean. 

If you’re sad about something he can’t beat up, he feels horrible. He’s not the best at comforting people, so he’s just grabbing onto you and not letting go, telling you how much he loves and cares for you, and just how amazing you make his life feel.

If you don’t give him enough attention, he gets really huffy, and it gets worse leading up to his rut. 

You lifted your hands from his head to reach for your buzzing phone? He’s already whining and pouting and begging you to give him more head-pats again.

Nesting

He’ll leave hints asking for you to make a nest, usually saying things like “Our bed needs some changing, don’t you think?” “Don’t you wish our space was more personalized?” 

If you don’t get the hint, he’ll be very sad, and he thinks you’re rejecting him. So you’d better be good at reading into things and realizing he’s approaching mating season and wants you to build a nest.

He comes home one day and sees you piled blankets, pillows, and dirty clothes in the living room, sprayed with his cologne and you’re cologne and/or perfume. He pulls you into his arms and spins around with you, giggling and laughing.

He’s so happy you made a nest for the two of you. 

He starts putting pretty shiny things he likes around the nest. Your toothbrush went missing and you found it in the mountain that was your nest.

Once, you were in desperate need of a clean shirt, and the only clean shirt you could find was in the nest. So you picked it up to put it on, and two seconds later, Keigo was in front of you, hands in your shirt, staring at you with such a fierce intensity, you felt almost like a villain.

He was very mad at you for taking things from your shared nest.

He leaves feathers all around the penthouse, but they’re all piled mostly around the nest, they’re for your protection so don’t try and throw them away.

Noises

He also gets really noisy, so he’ll be ‘singing’ and squawking and cooing constantly. He feels really bad about it so he might get you some noise-blocking headphones for when he’s screeching into the sky in the dead of night about how “THIS IS MY FUCKING TERRITORY Y’ALL MOTHERFUCKERS STAY AWAYYYY!”

You really think bird’s springtime songs are about love? Nah he’s mostly screaming about how he’s gonna fuck his partner and how the neighborhood  practically belongs to him.

Someone called the police once, tired of all the shouting, but the officers backed off when they saw who was doing all the shouting. Most of your neighbors are used to the screaming during early spring.

Rut End-game

On the third and second to last day before his rut, he gets a sudden burst of energy and an increased appetite. He refuses to eat anything unless you’ve made it though, so let’s best hope you can cook at least a little.

When he was younger, his hungry times before his rut were spent either eating anything and everything he can get his hands on. The commission broke that behavior very quickly though, so he’d starve himself before his rut, which would result in him getting very sick from a lack of energy and sustenance. That plus the extreme arousal was a recipe for pain and suffering.

So when you noticed he suddenly stopped eating, you insisted on making food for him, telling him that you wouldn’t let him go hungry ever. That was the first rut in years that didn’t feel like torture.

You’re cooking almost all the time, and he’s constantly eating everything you give him, running around from room to room while he waits for his next meal. He’s basically a hobbit.

In the last day or two before his rut, he suddenly has no energy, and starts getting hot and cold flashes. He’s sniffling, curled up in your shared nest, dirty tissues surrounding him. He comes in and out of consciosness, and when he’s awake, he’s whining and complaining about exhaustion and aches.

Physical Changes

Most of these happen in the last few days leading up to his rut, so it’ll be very sudden. These physical changes is what causes the extreme hunger and sickness.

His feathers darken several shades, and they become super sensitive. They also seem to grow in size, so when you cuddle, you’re smothered by them more than usual.

He also gains an extra couple inches in height, so expect some teasing now that he’s just that little bit taller. His hair also gets thicker and stronger, that’s so you can pull on it when he fucks you.

His nails get longer and darker, and they’re impossible to file or cut. So when he holds you and touches you, he often scratches you on accident. He’s really apologetic about it, but honestly you could totally paint his nails and pretend they’re acrylics if you’re into that.

His teeth get sharper, and he starts biting you just for fun. Bites your finger, hand, wrist, neck, even your nose. He underestimated just how strong his teeth are, and he made you bleed first time he bit you.

His whole body is very sensitive, so head-pats, back rubs, wings, and even his touching his feet can get him to the verge of cumming.

his tongue is longer, and it’s a whole lot stronger. He could probably carry a full plastic water bottle with his tongue (which isn’t a lot, but for a tongue it’s very much a lot).

His voice drops a whole octave and a half- mans is sounding almost like Corpse now. Maybe Markiplier? Anyways, if you’ve got a voice kink, you’re in luck

His dick changes too, it gets bigger, and he grows a lump at the base of it, between his shaft and balls. His balls get smaller until they’re barely noticable beneath what he calls him ‘knot.’

His eyes become sharper too, so don’t try and hide anything from him. 

Rut (MAJOR NSFW)

Everyone already knows Keigo has a breeding kink, but he hasn’t brought it up with you until now. It just kind of- happens. As he’s drilling into you, he suddenly starts blabbering about fucking a kid into you, and how hot you’d look all round with his kids. Might be a little weird for those of you who physically cannot give birth to children (my lovely AMABS and infertile AFABS). 

He can’t control it, so it’s especially weird if you don’t even want kids. If you can get pregnant, you’d better double check that you’re taking your birth control. And get to know some good clinics just in case.

However, if you do want kids, if you want to start a biological family woth Keigo, fuck. You will not be able to handle his happiness and horniness in that moment when you beg him to get you pregnant.

He is going to mark you up. Hickies, bruises, hand prints, bite marks, plus his scent. He needs everyone to know that you are his. He wants to claim you, make sure you know you belong to him. No one else can have you but him.

Halfway through your fuckfest, he starts making animalistic noises. He’s growling, roaring, whining, chirping, etc. This is around the time when he stops thinking about you, so he’ll really rough you up during this phase.

This man was a virgin before you, so this is also the first rut he’s ever going to have with another person, so he’ll hold himself back a lot. He needs you to reassure him at every step, tell him how good you feel, how you want him to fuck you, how not only are you okay with him going all out, you want him too.

Did he just cum? You think you’re finished? HA! No way in fucking hell is he finished after one, two, five, ten... so many rounds. He just keeps going and going and going and how the fuck is he still hard? He cums so fucking quickly, so much, and then keeps going.

When he finally does go soft, his whole personality changes. it’s like he didn’t just fuck you stupid. He immediately goes into ‘protect’ mode, which includes cuddles, him spoon-feeding you, petting you like a dog, and singing to you.

He puts the nest near a window so he can keep an eye out for possible threats. Just like “gotta keep mate safe. Is that the mailman? NO FUCK NO GET OUT OF HEREEEE!” 

One moment, he’s fucking you, and the next he’s leaning halfway out the window, screaming at some poor dude walking his dog. Remember, he’s still naked. You learned your lesson after that and kept the windows locked, and warned the neighbors to stay out of sight of the window, at least for the time being.

You’re going to feel very dirty, because he does not want you cleaning off the sweat, cum, and tears from your body. He likes that you smell like him, and you washing it off makes him feel rejected. 

He’s going to break a lot of things, so move pictures and vases into another room and lock the fuck out of that room. Or else he will break all of it.

He thinks any clothes you’re wearing are mocking him, so wear clothes you hate when his rut starts, then get used to being naked for a couple days. 

Oh yeah, his whole rut lasts one to five days. He’s fucking you for about three days on average.

He fucks you until you faint, and then keeps going until he’s out of ‘fuck’ mode and into ‘protect’ mode. A few times, he fucked you unconscious in the middle of the afternoon and then kept fucking you until the sun rose. 

Yeah, he’s got that much energy.

Don’t worry, during the whole time, he lets out pheromones with a strong vanilla-chocolaty scent that keeps your body and mind relaxed. 

There’ve been times when he’s just fucking into you and your water bottle is just out of reach.

During his rut, he has no shame. Let’s hope your walls are soundproofed, or else your neighbors will all know how he fucks you. 

He will not restrain you or hurt you in any way during his rut. So no degredation, no collars or chains, the only thing keeping you in the nest is his weight on top of you.

He gets upset if you try to touch yourself, things it’s you trying to tell him that he’s not satisfying you enough. 

He wants you to cum as many times as him, which is difficult because of his increased sensitivity, so he’s using every skill he knows to get you cumming again and again and again.

Most of the time, he’s going hard, rough, and spilling absolute filth from his cock and mouth, but in the last few hours of his rut, he suddenly gets emotional.

He’s rocking up against you, holding you close to his body and blabbering about you

How much he loves you

How good you make him feel

How he wouldn’t want anyone else by his side for his rut

How you’re his mate for life

How he’ll protect you and keep you safe.

Please be gentle with him, he’s very vulnerable near the end of his rut, and he’ll cry very easily.

When he’s nearing his last load, he makes out with you sloppily, trying to talk as he shoves his tongue down your throat.

He finishes off by  pushing his knot all the way inside you, and stays there for an hour.

This is the softest moment, and he’s covering your body in kisses. 

His knot pushes these small eggs inside you, and you have the lovely job of pushing them all out the next day. 

Post Rut

When his knot deflates, he finally pulls out and starts cleaning you off. 

He’ll carry you around and finally gives you a bath, constantly making sure you’re okay.

He’ll give you lots of massages and he’ll cook for you. He’s constantly thanking you for helping him, telling you he didn’t deserve it.

Just kiss him on the cheek, tell him you had fun, and that you love him so very very much.

He needs the most reassurance now than ever before.

He’s also very tired, so you’ll be taking care of each other.

Then his ‘post-rut’ resets, and he sleeps for hours.

Then he gets super hungry, and the two of you make huge meals and just kinda binge eat for a day or two.

Then his physical changes go back to normal, and you have a happy lil bird boy who simps for you so hard

[foreficfandom]

Mystic Messenger - First Time With MC (Lemon)

(Author’s notes: These scenarios do NOT assume a gender for MC, but do write the boys penetrating the reader.)

– Zen –

This isn’t his first rodeo, but he’s not exactly experienced; he’s had, like, one-and-a-half relationships before you. It’s been years since he’s had partnered sex.

And he’s never had sex-ed, either, so his knowledge of the Nasty is kinda lacking. He thinks he can re-use condoms as long as he keeps it on, he believes coconut oil can be used with latex, he thinks birth control pills act as a spermicide, and so on.

You and him initiate sex pretty early on in the relationship, perhaps merely a few days after the RFA party. He’s very romantic about it, too, planning a whole day in advance with rose petals on the bed and scented candles dotting his room. But in the middle of making out, you ask if he’s clean, and he pulls back, confused. “... I think? I mean, I haven’t been with anybody in years, so ...”

Turns out he’s never been tested for STDs. He’s almost offended when you bring it up, like you’re insinuating he’s been cheating on you. You have to explain that getting tested is just what everyone does before having sex with someone for the first time. 

So ... he’s not tested. “Can we ... still do it?” He’s blushing like crazy now, embarrassed he’s so behind on the know-how when he’s the one who wanted this in the first place. 

Partnered sex can still be relatively safe even when an individual’s not been tested, so long as you use lots of protection. But depending on who you are, you might say no, just to be 100% safe. Either way, Zen’s disappointed - not in you, no way, but in himself. God, he’s been looking forward to this night for so long, and he fucked it up by being stupid. He stews in his thoughts silently for a while, and you can tell he’s feeling down so you cuddle him close to have a good long chat about sex, relationships, and communication. Afterwards, he feels much less insecure. The two of you take the rose petals and candles to the bathroom to enjoy your first romantic bath together, instead.

Two days later, he bounces back from the clinic with a negative on every test imaginable. It’s finally time to dig in, and go ham he does, passionately wrapping you into his arms while thrusting deep and slow, trying to have as much skin contact at all times. Oh, god, he loves you, and he’ll spend the whole night proving it.

(Except he definitely couldn’t last the whole night. Your first time having sex was a mere two turns before he clonked out. He’s still embarrassed about that.)

– Yoosung –

It’s his first time having sex, and he’s really nervous. He wants it, wants you badly, but oh my god what if he messes up? What if he farts? Or scratches you in the face? Or he thrusts weird and hurts you and you start bleeding or something?? Dear lord help him

He considers proposing sex like, eight different times. He’s always chickened out, just kissing you on the doorstep before saying goodbye, or letting you leave his dorm without offering to stay the night. It doesn’t help that his dorm is tiny, he’s got a twin bed barely big enough for him. And anybody passing by the door would hear what’s going on inside clear as day. Take his word on that.

He had spent several hours worth on his laptop, doing research on ‘how to have sex for the first time’. He’s got his list of positions to try, how to minimize pain and discomfort, etc, all memorized.. He eventually goes out to get condoms and lube, making sure to use the self-checkout. 

You and him are hanging out in his dorm after a date, and he wasn’t even planning to suck it up and ask you, but you saw the condoms in the shopping bag he forgot to stow away, and you asked him gently, “do you want to be intimate with me, Yoosung?”

He blushes like crazy, you could swear you saw steam lines radiating from his face. But you take his hand in encouragement and he nods eagerly, looking anywhere else but your eyes. “I - I really want this, MC. I’ve been thinking about this for so long ...”

You can tell he’s nervous. The two of you sit on his bed and talk explicitly about what he wants, how you should proceed, what lines to avoid, and lots of other important details. A safeword is confirmed; ‘server maintenance’. He feels much more confident. 

The two of you begin by just kissing on his bed, he slowly dares to feel up your shirt and eventually the clothes come off bit by bit. His body is lean and soft, and he’s loud, too. Just nipping at his pillowy tummy makes him cry out. 

You give him oral, and he’s twisting around, grabbing at pillows and sheets like he’s tumbling down a cliff. He comes without warning and collapses, wrung out and overwhelmed with pleasure. 

Some cuddling afterwards, and then he’s hard again and kissing at your neck. He asks you to ride him, and when you do, he’s sobbing without shame and grabbing hard at your hips.

Some time afterwards, when you and Yoosung are trying to cuddle on his bed without either of you toppling off, he remembers just how loud he’s been and dreads facing anybody in the building tomorrow. You just laugh and tuck him into the bedsheets.

– Jaehee –

She shyly shows off a beautiful new set of lingerie as her way of asking to ‘take the relationship to the next level’. And she’s a real bombshell in it. It’s sometimes easy to forget that Jaehee’s got a bod underneath her suit/cafe uniform.

Unlike certain younger boys, Jaehee didn’t feel the need to agonize over this night over a period of several months. This is a natural progression for her. Once things feel ready between the two of you, it’s natural that the question eventually comes up.

She first shows you her new lingerie in its original packaging, and waits to hear your ‘yes’. Then, it’s time to hop into the bathtub for a long soak and thorough wash before putting it on.

She also gets new toys. Entire shopping bags and shipping boxes filled with insertables, vibrators, pumps, impacts, (and also the supplies needed to maintain them). She didn’t come out and show you these all at once, she’d probably die of embarrassment if she did. But she had them all unwrapped, clean, tested, and ready to use in a discreet box.

You and she actually end up making out on the couch rather than the bedroom. She’s sitting in your lap dressed in her lingerie, you’re fully clothed, and things get so heated the two of you decide to go at it right there.

She’s surprisingly wild. She keeps as much of her lingerie on as possible, even while you’re knuckle deep or pelvis-to-pelvis. The floor is eventually lined with toys as one is used after the other. And she loves taking the initiative with a gentle but firm hand, directing the positions one after the other, or deciding what toy to be used where, and for how long.

A round on the couch, and Jaehee cools down long enough to freak out about staining the upholstery, so she ushers you into the bedroom while she busts out the Lysol. 

After she cleans up, she joins you on the bed for some belated cuddling, and perhaps a second round. Or three.

And it’s actually in the middle of the day, not during the night, so the two of you are completely worn out by dinnertime. Food is takeout, and there’s a lot of it because you need to replenish all that energy.  

Jaehee doesn’t get blushy until you feed her a bite of dessert. It’s cute how confident she is when it comes to sex, but shy about small acts of intimacy. 

– Jumin –

He’s not a virgin, (not that it’s any of your business, Luciel), he had sex with a random girl back in college just to see what the fuss was about, and nothing else since then.

Jumin’s a conservative guy. “Liberalism can only flourish with a good foundation of conservatism.” He believes unmarried couples shouldn’t live together. Of course he’s not gonna be fond of having sex before tying the knot.

It’s not like he rushed the engagement for that reason, but if he was perfectly honest, he did wake up in a cold sweat at 3am when he remembered that this meant the two of you would be intimate very soon. 

Jumin’s got that reputation for being some d/s sex-mad sadist daddy, but that’s not the full picture. You might be able to get him into that specific mood after the two of you establish your relationship more. But for the first few times, it’s all vanilla.

It takes a long while before the wedding actually happens. And, no, Jumin’s not gonna really want to have sex for that entire period. Sure, he’s excited about it, but it’s not a driving, burning need. You, on the other hand, might say differently. 

So if you don’t want to wait four to five months, you’re gonna have to breach the topic yourself. And he’ll be torn - on one hand, he rationally realizes that it’s completely harmless to have consensual sex without martial ties. But he also believes in that supposed virtue of being abstinent until marriage. He also liked the romance of waiting. It’d make the moment more special for him.

Either way, he’s excited. The bed’s furnished with fresh sheets, the lights are dimmed, and there’s five dozen roses in crystal vases throughout the bedroom. 

It’ll start with wine while sitting on the bed - if you don’t drink, you have a glass of something you prefer while he’s sipping on some $12,000 vintage - and he drills a hole in your face with his loving gaze while singing your virtues. He wants you naked before he is, so after some kissing you’ll be nude on the sheets while he finally takes his clothes off.

Jumin has no idea what sex is ‘supposed’ to look like, which is both good and bad - you can tell him to do anything, and he’s not gonna worry about feeling awkward or stupid. But he also needs to be told to do anything. 

If you want him to go faster, or use more tongue, you have to tell him. He’s not gonna take the initiative. If you want him to switch positions, you need to describe exactly how you want to position yourselves. It’s a mixed blessing.

The first round goes quite a while because Jumin was taking it slow. There’s a second round where he gets more adventurous, and maybe a third round depending on how you feel. 

The next morning, the chef’s been hired to prepare a special breakfast, and you can tell that they know. Jumin doesn’t care. He just smiles all day.

– Saeyoung –

He actually was a virgin, which was kinda a surprise. His agent job never require any sort of sex-related work, thank god, and it’s not like he ever earned the attention of anybody else before this point. 

If an agency job had enough time to have sex while in the field, then that meant the job was going down the dumps fast. And whenever Agent 707 was involved, a job never nosedived that far.

It’s (semi) canon that Saeyoung asked to be intimate during the after-ending, while on the search for his brother. It was the night before all your plans would come to fruition, and he didn’t know he would come back alive. “I want to leave evidence on you that I existed.”

But it’s ALSO canon that in Saeyoung’s ‘dark chocolate’ Valentine’s Day ending, he asks to ‘take the relationship to the next level’. Which implies that the two of you haven’t had sex yet. 

So what’s the dealio? Basically, Saeyoung wanted to have sex with you that night in the cabin, and after some kissing, you realized that you (1) didn’t have protection, (2) neither of you have been tested recently, and (3) your current emotional states weren’t ideal for sex, especially since Saeyoung was a virgin. He left a lot of hickies on your neck instead, and the two of you held each other close the whole night. 

By the time Valentine’s Day rolled around, it had been two months since Saeran was rescued and Saeyoung was feeling a lot happier. You made it to the end of the scavenger hunt to find an amorous redhead that was ~prepared~ this time. An entire shopping bag full of prophylactics, lube, band-aids, water bottles, and everything. 

He managed to fake a confident persona up until he undressed you fully, then he found himself blushing like crazy when you undressed him in turn. Damn, he really was hiding muscles underneath that hoodie. His arms were woven cable, and underneath his pudge you could feel shapely abs. 

He asked to be on top, you complied, rolling over and allowing him to explore your body with his hands and mouth. It took three tries to enter you, because without his glasses, you were a bit of a blurry blob. But once he was in, he went at it. Maybe even a bit too enthusiastic for the first few thrusts, he was just running on some animalistic instinct he didn’t know he had. 

Two minutes later, he was blindsided by a surprise orgasm. Embarrassed, he rolled off of you and buried his face into the sheets. You had to stroke his hair soothingly for ten minutes before he would look you in the face. 

Saeyoung’s first evening of sex had one ‘disastrous’ first try, then a much better second run, and then after dinner there was a third ... and also .5 a prance while in the shower.  

– Saeran –

You’re his first sexual partner, but more than that, today also marks a big step in his self-confidence. He’s cashing in his newfound tolerance for his body and constitution. Saeran spent most of his life hating his ‘weak’ health and thinking anybody’d be repulsed by him. He wouldn’t have sex if he didn’t believe differently. 

So it’s probably several months - perhaps years - into your relationship that he even brings up having sex. Even though he may be ready, he’s still nervous and shy and unsure about how to proceed. 

Before the big night, he spends several minutes in front of the mirror, looking at his body. He’s gained weight and a new color to his skin thanks to his healthier lifestyle, and there’s this confidence to his posture that wasn’t there before. A sparkle in his eye. It’s incredible how far he’s come from hating every inch of himself. He smiles.

He prepares one of his Patented Saeran’s Romantic Dinners, complete with candlelight and ambient music. The two of you have done this several times before, but this time there’s an electricity in the air ‘cause of what’s to come. You notice that the food has no garlic, or other strong smells. Saeran’s more cunning than he looks. 

As dessert finishes up, he gets more quiet, until the conversation dies down and there’s nothing for it; he takes a deep breath and says, “....Sh-shall we go to bed?” Like this hasn’t been planned weeks in advance. The two of you walk hand-in-hand to the bedroom, where there’s even more candles and another stereo playing soft music, and you picture Saeran putting together a ‘having sex for the first time’ playlist.

You begin by kissing Saeran lying beneath you, but he stops you with a hand on your shoulder and asks to switch positions, because he doesn’t like the feeling of you hovering over him. It’s another mark of his progress that he asks for adjustments. 

Things progress slowly. Saeran feels out what makes him feel anxious, and what makes him feel good. The two of you end up side-by-side as he takes you, facing each other with your legs wrapped around his waist. Very intimate. Very sweet. He loves threading his fingers through your hair, and he mewls every time you fondle his ears. 

His health is still shaky, so he only has the stamina for one round before he needs to rest. He all but demands you inch as close as possible so he falls asleep holding you tight. When he wakes up the next morning, he’s got a 1000-watt smile. 

– Jihyun –

Out of the entire wacky cast of Mystic Messenger boys, Jihyun’s the only actual experienced one. You don’t have to tell him that a single pack of five condoms is waaayy too little, you don’t have to explain what dental dams are, or worry about him using oil-based lube on accident, and he’s the only one who actually showers thoroughly beforehand. 

It begins with your typical night of cuddling-and-kissing, then Jihyun says he’s clean and he’s got a bedside cabinet full of supplies. He gently holds your hand and asks, ‘”if you’d like …? We could … if you’re comfortable. If you’d have me.” He’s blushing, but he’s confident. 

Of course, even if you’re experienced, the first time with anybody is gonna be awkward. And Jihyun’s a surprisingly big guy to maneuver. There’s a lot of accidental elbowing, bonking of the heads, kneeling on sensitive bits, and little scrapes. His long limbs seemingly end up everywhere on the bed, and it’s like you’re playing twister. 

Mistakes just make him laugh. You trip over his outstretched forearm and face plant into his shoulder, and he just chuckles and pulls you into another kiss. 

He’s just so soft and loving. ‘Cause to Jihyun, it’s about ~making love~. He wants to go slow, looking into your eyes, cradling your head and burying his face into the crook of your neck. 

Tries to get you off first, either through oral or otherwise. He’s not a big fan of any positions that turn you away from him, it’s just too rough and aggressive. He’d rather carry you on his shoulders before he prefers doggy style. 

Checks in with you constantly, asks what you like and where you like to be touched. Tries to get you to literally guide his hands. In turn, he asks you to please, touch his legs, his thighs ... yes, kiss me there - 

For your first time, he’d rather have a one-two long sessions than multiple quick ones. He believes sex is one of the most intimate methods of non-verbal communication, and the longer you go in one sitting, the more is passed between the two of you. 

He’s never used toys in his life. If you decide to pull one out for your first time, he’s gonna blush like crazy and actually decline. He wants the first night to be 'organic’. And he’s so driven towards that romantic face-to-face lovemaking, he won’t go too hard or fast, even if you’re begging him. 

After the sex, he wraps you up in a cozy blanket before fetching some hot tea and fresh fruit. Then there’s several minutes spent reviewing how things went, what things worked well, or how they can improved. He catalogues it all for later. 

He rarely wants to fall asleep right after sex, so you might pass out peacefully, but he’s gonna stay awake, just gazing at you for a while. 

[trashcatsnark]

OC Info

I was tagged by @shallow-gravy thank you so much for the tag!!!!

Tagging: @enchantedbythebidders, @boyish-fantasy, @catoinette,

Uhhhhhh, I can't remember everyones tumblrs but a few, SO UHHH SILVERV WHORENER FOLKS, IF YOU SEE THIS, CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED

I'll be doing this for my Cyberpunk 2077 OC and my FC5 OC

GENERAL

Name: Aidan Violetta Becker

Alias(es): V (majority of people), Princess (Johnny), Little Merc (Johnny)

Gender: Female

Age: 20

Birthdate: November 12th, 2056

Place of Birth: Seven Devils, North Carolina

Hometown: NA, she was born a nomad, constantly traveling with no real hometown

Spoken Languages: English and ASL

Sexual Preference: Bisexual

Occupation: Mercenary

APPEARANCE

Eye Color: Gray

Hair Color: Naturally brown, dyed blonde

Height: 5’

Scars: Various scars from her life as a nomad and merc work; notably a brand on her wrist, customary from her nomad family. And a scar on her stomach from a forced sterilization procedure.

FAVOURITE

Color: Bright Cyan/Electric Blue, Black, and Burgundy

Hair Color: Despite bleaching her own hair, she's mostly attracted to people with dark hair.

Eye Color: She tends to find brown and green eyes particularly pretty

Song: Pre-Johnny, she didn't really have one, post him... Never Fade Away or Black Dog, he corrupted her taste.

Food: Toasted Marshmallows

Drink: Peach or Sakura Nicola, Mint Spunky Monkey, as far as alcohol goes, she likes cherry cola and bourbon.

HAVE THEY

Passed University: This girl has never seen the inside of a school, so no...

Had Sex: Yes and often

Had Sex in Public: Yes and probably too often

Gotten Pregnant: No, that was taken care of for her against her will.

Kissed a Boy: Many times.

Kissed a Girl: Many more times.

Gotten Tattoos: At the state of her story no, but Johnny takes care of that on his bender. After fix it/net/mikoshi shit, she gets a snake around her ankle that matches the one Johnny has on his hand.

Gotten Piercings: Yes, she has multiple ear piercings (has to be careful they don't catch her hearing aids though), her tongue, her nipples, and her belly button. She also had a lip piercing she let heal over.

Been in Love: When she was younger, she thought she was, but she knows now that's not what that is. Once Johnny slides into the picture... well...

Stayed up for more than 24 hours: Yeahhhhhh

ARE THEY

A Virgin: Nope

A Cuddler: While sleeping yes, but when she's not sleepy she's more shy about that sort of thing.

A Kisser: Yep

Scared Easily: Nah

Jealous Easily: I wouldn't say easily, but it does happen, and usually its a very sad sort of "I'm not good enough, they dont want me" jealousy.

Trustworthy: For a merc, she's more trust worthy than most... but she's definitely not above lying to get what she needs or wants, nor a few light hearted fibs for jokes.

Dominant: Somewhat, definitely more of a service dominant in terms of sex though, if that's what her partner wants she delivers it.

Submissive: Definitely leans more submissive during sex, especially with Johnny.

In Love: Ask her that and see if you keep your teeth

Single: Yes.... but she is fucking a clingy brainworm...

RANDOM QUESTIONS (tw for self harm/suicide mention)

Have They Harmed Themselves: Both intentionally and not, yes.

Have They Thought About Suicide: Yes, numerous times.

Have They Attempted Suicide: Yes

Have They Wanted to Kill Someone: So many times

Have/had a Job: Outside of merc work, not really any like... nine to five kind of jobs

Have Any Fear(s): being controlled/used, being weak/worthless, people seeing her for who she really is.

FAMILY

Siblings: Eira Becker

Parents: Emyr Becker and Aoife Becker (deceased)

Children: None

Significant Other: Johnny Silverhand (eventually)

Pets: Nibbles, her sphinx cat.

GENERAL

Name: Dahlia Josephine Hale

Alias(es): Stray, Rook, Rookie, Probie, The Lamb, Dahl, Hale, Pup, Little Miss Wrath, etc.

Gender: Female

Age: 19-20

Birthdate: November 12th, 2056

Place of Birth: Alden, Louisiana

Hometown: Alden, Louisiana claims Reinette, Louisiana

Spoken Languages: English, little bit of creole French as well

Sexual Preference: Bisexual

Occupation: Junior Deputy

APPEARANCE

Eye Color: Dark Brown

Hair Color: Dark Brown, nearly black, with some premature graying

Height: 5’

Scars: Various scars from her childhood abuse, including most noticeably a burn on her palm, several lash scars across her back. Across the game events she is given multiple words carved across her skin, including the infamous WRATH across her chest.

FAVOURITE

Color: Bright Red and Black

Hair Color: Dark hair, she guesses...

Eye Color: Green eyes are nice

Song: She loves so much music, its impossible to pick.

Food: Peanut Butter Sandwiches

Drink: Monster Energy drinks, slushies

HAVE THEY

Passed University: No, HS and the police academy, that's all.

Had Sex: No (This changes)

Had Sex in Public: No (this changes)

Gotten Pregnant: No, that would make her child the second coming of Jesus.

Kissed a Boy: No at the start of the fic (John is actually her firs kiss when she does, it is not consensual, damn you John)

Kissed a Girl: No at the start of the fic

Gotten Tattoos: Yes, she has two black bands on one of her biceps and a Sylvia Plath quote on her lower back/hip area (not quite a tramp stamp) the quote is: "And like the cat I have nine times to die."

Gotten Piercings: Multiple ear piercings

Been in Love: No

Stayed up for more than 24 hours: Yep

ARE THEY

A Virgin: Yes

A Cuddler: Yes... not that she'll admit it

A Kisser: Eventually

Scared Easily: Nah

Jealous Easily: Definitely not, its very rare and when it happens even she's surprised.

Trustworthy: Yes... unless you're a peggie.

Dominant: In personality at times, she can take control and be a leader, during sex when she gets to that point.... definitely not.

Submissive: Once she starts having sex, she definitely leans heavily towards submissive, cause inexperience.

In Love: No...

Single: Yes, no matter what the Seeds say.

RANDOM QUESTIONS (tw for self harm/suicide mention)

Have They Harmed Themselves: Yes... at a specific point intentionally so...

Have They Thought About Suicide: Across the game events, yes.

Have They Attempted Suicide: In the game events, at least once.

Have They Wanted to Kill Someone: Once, but she's scared of having to do it...

Have/had a Job: Yes

Have Any Fear(s): being a bad person, that there's something wrong with her, that people will see that she's truly a bad person and leave her or hurt her for it.

FAMILY

Siblings: Genevieve Monroe (half sister)

Parents: Victor Hale (biological father, deceased), Bambi Monroe (mother) and David Monroe (Step-father)

Children: Currently no, but eventually

Significant Other: The Seed Siblings, eventually, yes, she will end up with a whole ass family.

Pets: Boomer, precious boy

[poodlejoonas]

Dad!BC AU - the moms

So wow-ihateithere and I (because for some reason Tumblr won’t let me directly @ you) have been tossing out so many amazing ideas for the BC dad AU lately that we’ve thought of pretty much every scenario under the sun. One idea I’d like to throw in here is the group that is the moms who make up their own personal wolfpack. Since they’ll be brought in as stand-alone characters soon, it would be better to have a basic introduction for each and how they know/interact with each other.

(Under the read-more for length)

Joel - Emilia (”Millie”) Hokka - The absolute baddest bitch you will meet on this planet. She's a 5′1″ sweetheart, but if you lay a single finger on her kid, her husband, her BC brothers and sisters, or any of her nieces and nephews, she will become the human embodiment of that one line from “Wolfpack.” You know the one. She’s gone viral before for Joel needing to hold her back from fighting the mom of a kid who’s bullying Enkka at school, and literally watching this tiny woman become a human hurricane at the drop of a hat was enough for this kid to immediately leave him alone. From then on, kids at school know not to come after Viktor Hokka because his mom doesn’t play around. Why would she? After all, she dedicated 18 months of her life to trying to become a mom, and anyone who dares to come after her baby needs a running start to get away from her.

Sometimes even Joel has to hold her back from doing something she probably should regret but wouldn’t if it involved her family. He knows better than to cross a line with her. Then there are other times when they work together to be the shadiest power couple on earth, like when Aleksi’s ex-girlfriend Laila slanders him in the media for talking about taking custody of their son from her. If Joel comes home pissed about something, she’s the first one to jump on board with whatever plan he has to get his point across. She would totally have a stan account on Instagram dedicated to her called “milliehokkasupremacy”. And Joel loves his wife so much that he would eat every bit of this shit up. When she tells someone off, he writes down what she says and turns it into the lyrics of Blind Channel’s next single.

In short, Millie Hokka is 100 percent That Bitch™.

Bonus bit because this idea made me laugh: (in the comments section of a post slandering BC) @milliehokka: Bitch you better take this shit down before I puncture your fucking tires @joelhokka: She's my better half ❤️

Joonas - Kirsten Porko - Kirsten’s one of the quiet BC moms, and a hell of a lot more tame than Millie. But she has her shining moments every now and then, like when she was wondering why Millie took Joel with her knowing that she could’ve easily beaten that bully’s mom’s ass without him. She has the patience of a saint, being married to Joonas and raising two (soon to be three) kids with him. But she adores every minute of their chaotic little family. Since Sohvi was the first of the BC kids, the guys were quick to show up in support of her and Joonas. She was also pretty lonely until the others started dating their wives, and she was more than happy to have more friends to bond with.

She does the most to mother the rest of the kids when they need it. They love to come to their house because Kirsten will have a fresh pan of cookies ready for them. They also like hanging out with Joonas, but Kirsten is a fun aunt on her own. She’s typically the first to show up when one of the other moms tosses out a cry for help in taking care of their kids, especially when they’re newborns and the guys are away on tour. Kirsten’s total aesthetic is the absolute opposite of Joonas’s: she’s bubbly and wears nothing but pastel dresses and soft fabrics. A lot of people wonder what a “nice girl” like her is doing with a punk rocker like Joonas, until you see them interact and know that they’re crazy in love with each other and their kids. She’s the unassuming type, but she loves pranks as much as her husband and kids; she’ll play along whenever there’s a really good one and sometimes she can totally outdo them.

Niko - Jenna Moilanen - Jenna is Millie’s co-conspirator and partner-in-crime. If Millie needs someone to back her up and Joel’s trying to talk her out of whatever she’s thinking about doing, Jenna is the first to show up on the scene. She’s very much Niko’s type - she has just as many tattoos as him, several piercings, and hair that changes color depending on her mood. She’s naturally a blonde but you almost never see her as one. A lot of people tend to pass judgement on her abilities as a mom based on her appearance, but both of her and Niko’s kids adore her (especially their daughter Lahja) and they grow up happy with their loving parents. She’s a fantastic cook and works as a head chef at a five-star steakhouse, and she’s always willing to come home and cook for her family as well. She and Millie are the two shortest of the group, and it’s hilarious because they are both absolute spitfires.

Jenna has the best intuition when it comes to deciding who is trustworthy and who isn’t. There’s no “leader” in the group, but most of the others trust Jenna when someone gives her a bad feeling. She would be the one to raise the alarm on Laila years before she and Aleksi ever break up, and Laila would find the absolute worst way to end up on Jenna’s shit list. In her time with the group, Laila does nothing to help take care of the rest of the kids or try to fit in with the group. One day, when Leevi cries because he needs something, Jenna spots an annoyed expression out of the corner of her eye coming from Laila. It takes an intervention from God to stop Jenna from ripping her apart on the scene. The most important thing to note about Jenna: she calls her closest friends “bitch” affectionately. The moment it stops being affectionate, there’s no turning back.

Olli - Kaarina Matela - The quietest and calmest of the BC moms. She perfectly matches her husband’s energies, which is why they parent their daughters so well. She was definitely more calm than him on the day they learned they were having twins, and still is to this day. When he was panicking about their pregnancy scare, she was still managing to stay collected somehow (but just as relieved as he was). She’s very much like a suburban soccer mom type, but far from being a Karen because she’s aggressively kind to everyone around her, including hardworking people. And Olli just adores her so much, sometimes he doubts if he even deserves her. She’s always the first to remind him that there’s no one else she would rather be with.

Kaarina is the arts and crafts kind of aunt. During the summer, she likes to have the kids come over for day camp style hangout sessions where they mix in time outside with craft activities. She’s the reason why Olli’s stage outfits have been so cool lately, because she’s got a perfect eye for colors and is super skilled at hand-stitching patches. If the kids need anything repaired, they’ll know to go to Aunt Rina first because she’ll either make it as good as new, or turn it into some sick artwork. All the moms get along but she and Kirsten vibe together the best. They get together and plan the summer activities for the kids, which involve Rina planning the crafts and Kirsten baking for, and with, them.

Tommi - Marja Lalli - Marja is unique in her position as a BC mom because she joined the group when her son Miikka from a previous relationship was already almost 4. For a brief time, she was worried about herself and Miikka feeling left out of the group dynamic that was already there, but they were so quick to invite her in as one of them. A lot of it had to do with her being friends with Jenna since elementary school, and Jenna knew that the sisterhood would be more than happy to accept her. She and Niko help set her up with Tommi because they both know he would love her and accept Miikka as his own. She’s chill and reserved, but she’s still a ton of fun to be around. Along with Kaarina and Kirsten, she’s one of the level-headed moms and is typically the voice of reason for a lot of things (especially when it comes to trying to contain Millie and Jenna’s tempers).

The rest of the moms were thrilled when she told them she was pregnant with Anna, but constantly concerned and fretting over her when she was on occasional bed rest. If Tommi couldn’t be with her, it was one of them coming over to help take care of her and Miikka. Marja’s health showed the caring side of the sisterhood of the BC moms, how they are willing to take care of each other in sickness as well as celebrating the good times and defending each other from drama. Even months after Anna is born, they still come over from time to time to see if there’s any way they can help.

Aleksi - Laila Pekkanen (later on, marries Hanna Kaunisvesi) - So this one is a bit complicated. For about three years, Aleksi was in a high-profile relationship with Laila Pekkanen, a producer who worked with him on a solo single before joining BC. They meet again a couple years later and begin a relationship that last for about three years. But it was far from loving, as they were just in general not good for each other. A few weeks after their break-up, Laila calls Aleksi while he’s in the studio to break the news to him that she’s pregnant, which sends Aleksi into total emotional turmoil because he thought they were being careful. Of all the guys, he’s the most careful with avoiding this kind of thing, but it was her who missed one too many days of her birth control. They’re barely on speaking terms, but they agree to try to stay cordial until Aleksi can take full custody of the child himself. She admits to having no maternal instinct and wants nothing to do with the baby.

Here’s where it gets messy. Aleksi finally decides to break his silence on the matter and announces via Instagram that he will be a father and raise his son on his own. He does his best to tell his side of the story without dragging Laila down. But she takes it personally and goes on the radio to try to attack Aleksi, feeling like she’s being treated like a villain and a bad person for giving up her child. She feels like she’s being “exposed” in thinking that Aleksi publicly acknowledging their son’s existence would ruin her career, because she’d been trying everything possible to cover it up. It becomes a major feud between her and her team, and Aleksi and the BC team, but more industry people can back him up as a stand-up guy than they can come to her defense. She nearly ends up having Noah prematurely, and yet Aleksi still shows up in support, more so for their son than for her. When Noah is born months later, she refuses to hold him and immediately cuts off all contact with Aleksi. 

Aleksi raises Noah alone and learns to support his son when he’s later diagnosed on the autism spectrum. Noah is semi-verbal and partially communicates with sign language. He uses sign in situations when he meets a stranger, and Aleksi respects his intuition when someone makes him uncomfortable. Noah has separation anxiety from losing his mom at a young age, so Aleksi refuses to date for years because he doesn’t want to bring a revolving door of strangers around him. But then he meets Hanna, who makes an almost instant connection with him. He’s hesitant to make a decision about a long-term relationship with her until he sees how well she works with Noah. She’s one of the first people he opens up to - mostly because of her experience as a child psychologist - but the moment that seals the deal is when Noah calls her “mom” for the first time (in sign to his cousins). Fans and people he works with can’t help but notice that Aleksi is so much happier with Hanna than Laila. And as much as he would like to have a baby with her, he’s happy having Noah and wants to invest his energy into ensuring his happiness. But Hanna understands, because she’s an angel and only wants the best for her family.

[rawliverandcigarettes]

Our discussion on turians made me wonder: how do you imagine the culture of the Salarian Union? (I'm sorry, you probably talked about this elsewhere, but I was too lazy to look for that, if so feel free to refer me to that post.) I find that there are surprisingly little elements about it in canon, though there are a few hints, like the fact that the planets in the Pranas system all have modern names, the previous names having been discarded, presumably, because they evoke "bygone superstition"?

Hello! Sorry I took some time. I actually rarely packaged my thoughts on salarian culture in a digestible way, so you gave me a great opportunity to give it a recap! I will go more indepth in the future for sure, but I might do a lil' overarching presentation of my general thoughts.

First, I have written an exploration/explanation of some of my headcanons regarding salarian reproduction, and it can be found here on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18872515

It is sliightly out of date and I need to do a pass to adjust some of my thoughts, but I still go by the general idea.

I also agree that there is very little things in the OT canon. I think there might be slightly more in Andromeda maybe, but I still haven't played the game so who knows!

I even believe the games kind of give up on salarian culture past ME1, where they are arguably given the most importance; we get more depth to it in ME2 through the sole and lonely perspective of Mordin; and in ME3 they are barely worth more than somewhat cheap antagonism and a couple of questionable jokes. Even right now during the promo of MELE, I felt like salarians keep being characterized as weird-cute-gross, and more like the butt of a joke than people. Even the promo for Director Tann in MEA had this "haha you get a role for a mass effect character and you thought you'd be sexy and cool TOO BAD" vibe to it, which makes me think part of the devteam (or at least the marketing side of it) don't think too highly of their very own space frogs :'(((

But to get on my actual thoughts (under the cut and the nice gif, because it won't be as long as it could be, but it's still somewhat long):

So first off, I'm trying to keep in mind how indescribably huge the Salarian Union is: we're talking about a conglomerate of planet-sized communities, moons, artificial stations, plus appendages in every large-scaled, cosmopolitan communities in Council space and possibly beyond. Just like it would be hard to talk about any united "human culture", I think the same could be true for any Mass Effect species --even though, for the sake of both narrative convenience and the tendency for globalization once communities get connected and break down communication barriers, shortcuts have to be made (and that helps make Points, and I like stories to have Points so yee).

For this reason, I have identified organizational tendencies within these communities, based both on baseline of natural grouping emerging off salarian biology (clan-based structures with matriarchal figures) and where I speculated breakdowns would happen in the modern, multicultural setting of the ME universe. To brutally over-simplify: there would be the "traditional" political organization of Sur'kesh (that I will briefly cover later), the "colonial" style (a derivation of the Sur'kesh style with more centralization), and the growing influence of ultraliberalism creeping from Council space back unto these communities, creating a myriad of variations depending on how much the communities are willing to adapt to production being controlled by corporations.

I headcanon the culture, however, to be at once: very collectivist yet an oligarchy (because dalatrasses have a right to power by virtue of existence basically), extremely eugenist to the point of having created literal, biological races that are genetically distinct from each other and cultivated to remain as such by some clans (and therefore can be very cruel towards the disabled/the imperfect at birth too), misandrist (I believe being a male salarian from a shitty clan/baronny is one of the lower forms of political existence that can be in this universe, hence why their lives in the working force are so goddamn disposable), but also designed to protect its members and have the community take care of their basic needs (so homelessness is almost not a thing, or at least used to not be a thing). I also believe the culture to be consistently young and vibrant, with lots of energy (for better and for worse). And during the time of ME, to be under economical and social duress (even gender duress!) as it sits at a crossroad regarding its future, and everyone has a lots of ideas on what this future should look like, including people gawking the outside with economical or political interests in the outcome (this basically the plot of The Empire of Preys, which is technically a prequel to Halfway Home but will be written after HH because I love chronologies that make sense and are easy to understand :) :) ).

So concerning the OG, Sur'kesh style: I have contorted a weird economical/diplomatic/land planning system into quasi-existence, that is based around a unit called the "symposium". This is a *relatively* young system in their history (still milleniums old, it really solidified in the middle of the Rachni Wars as a reaction/adaptation after several waves of imperialism that didn't really look like ours but had the same effect of flattening local cultures into a more aggressive semi-ethnostate), but central into dividing resources, workers, affect. I will not go into too much details because this is quite complicated, but these are basically commitees that will take democratic decisions among its members, based on how many clan members are appointed in both this symposium and and adjacent symposiums that might be helpful to this one --it's a system explicitely based on bribes and social influence, and getting the partial control of key symposiums is absolutely essential for Dalatrasses to maintain the influence and relevance of their respective clans. It's also a system that has, traditionally, very little use for money (it exists, but as a token of exchange that doesn't carry inherent value --if you have only access to money as a clan, you are basically worthless and won't get access to good matches or good symposium seats, or at least you used to until capitalism knocked at the doooooor and that kinda fucked things uppppppp and the society is not recovering and the gaps are getting extreeeeeme this is the plot of TEOP basically).

Oh and on the subject of the transition to more capitalist values and the decay of clans that cannot keep up, I wrote The Leftovers a couple of years ago, which talks about a young dalatrass-to-be discovering she might be sterile, right here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15854244

I have a ton more things to say on the subject (and salarian culture as a whole), buuut this is getting quite long already haha.

And in regards to your question: I headcanon that salarians from one specific continent -that then became the "cultural norm" over imperialism and complications- were confronted, in a continental way, to a huge hurricane that led to incredible floods and then stagnant water and diseases, which really soured their relationship to water that was previously quite holy. This led to a very bitter enlightenment; their "Renaissance" came out of spite against nature rather than anything else, and a lot of previous ideas were abandoned for a time -then reclaimed, then abandoned again, then warped... It's complicated. :D

[goldencorecrunches]

LanLan Rural Vet/Animal Sanctuary AU ~ from the LanLan discord --

It was the rain that made Lan Xichen start laughing. "Oh, I'm sorry. Oh dear," he said, one hand pressed to his chest in the passenger seat, the corners of his mouth helplessly turned upward. Thunder boomed, heaven's drums arguing from far away: Lan Xichen bent forward and laughed harder, cupping the back of his head. Song Lan didn't feel the urge to laugh himself, but he could appreciate the sheer ridiculousness of the bad luck that kept finding them today. First Wen Qing, his tech, had come in sneezing like an elephant with a head cold and so he'd sent her home with stern instructions not to return until she was better. Then he'd gotten a call from the farmer who'd dug the ancestral plow farthest up the farthest mountain to come quick because his best cow was in labor, and having trouble with it-- the cow Song Lan had not been told was pregnant. 

Then his car had refused to start, and he'd had to bargain with the grumpy auntie who delivered the post for the use of her shuddering pickup truck, a behemoth half rusted through that definitely hadn't seen the wet side of a sponge for many a long-toothed year. Then Lan Xichen, the director of the backcountry vet-and-sanctuary, had come rushing out as he'd pulled onto the gravel road, begging to come with so he could escape for a few hours his visiting uncle. (That part hadn't been so bad-- driving with Lan Xichen up the winding country road, the valley unfolding out beneath them, summer trees vibrant and lush on either side. Auntie's truck had no air conditioning, of course, so they'd rolled down the windows with the grating hand cranks and the short pieces of hair that had come loose from Lan Xichen's ponytail had blown around his face, his smiling eyes.)

(When Song Lan had taken this job, a year ago come June, he had not expected the pre-existing half of the administration to be the most beautiful man he had ever seen. "Zichen," Xingchen had said to him over video call that night, teasing, "you're such a hopeless romantic. Talk to him! Get to know each other! What could go so terribly wrong?" "He could drag me halfway across the world with only a backpack and a single change of clothes," Song Lan had signed back, biting the mirth into the side of his cheek, and Xingchen had blushed, pretty pink up to their hairline. Song Lan missed them. Of course. They were coming in fall, a hard-wrestled break in their schedule that they guarded against teenage fervency and staid official alike, and Song Lan couldn't tally the days until then without breaking his own heart.)

Up the mountain, the cow had not been giving birth to anything but her own insides. The farmer was not pleased when Song Lan through Lan Xichen told him this, elbow-deep, as if Song Lan had come all the way out there from some cattle-themed plot of revenge. He likely wouldn't call Song Lan again even if the situation was dire, which meant his animals would go untreated; the knowledge of it itched under Song Lan's skin, making him have to grimace apologetically at Lan Xichen when on the drive back he realized his own company was less than engaging. And then Auntie's truck had made a noise like a steel chain through a meat grinder and stopped in the middle of the road. And then it had started raining. Lan Xichen's laughter was running up the wrong side of hysteria. Seeing the rain start to darken the shirt over his shoulder, feeling the damp on his own, Song Lan reached around Lan Xichen's back and dragged at the handle until the window began to close. One perk of old trucks-- when they broke down on you, you could still work the windows. He repeated the process on his own side, focusing furiously on not being weird about the heat of Lan Xichen's body he'd felt press against his own arm and chest leaning over. The air inside the cab immediately became sticky and stale. "It's just-- I was supposed to take my uncle out for dinner tonight-- he's going to be so annoyed--" Gently, feeling a nervous spark in his belly at the presumption, Song Lan laid a hand on the sleeve of Lan Xichen's collared shirt. To his great relief Lan Xichen leaned into the pressure. It seemed to give him the wherewithal to swallow his frantic giggling, his shoulders shaking as he hiccuped; Song Lan tapped his thumb in the crook of Lan Xichen's elbow in a manner he hoped was comforting. (People were always surprised, either when they found out he was a veterinarian, or when they found out he was, as one receptionist had put it, a "clean freak;" they didn't go together in public consciousness. Usually Song Lan lacked the energy to explain that it was about where dirtiness belonged. An exam table should be sterile. The animal upon it should not be: if it was, it would be dead. Humans were the difficult ones, because they ought to wash their hands more than they usually did.) (Besides, it wasn't like he didn't wear gloves.) Finally taking a deep, shaky breath, Lan Xichen sat upright and let his hands fall into his lap. He peeked at Song Lan from the corner of his eye. "I'm...well. In control again, I suppose. Oh, that was embarrassing." His arm jumped under Song Lan's palm, but he did not pull away.

"This is certainly...an adventure," Song Lan signed with his free hand. Lan Xichen's smile went wide for a moment, lopsided, and Song Lan felt the victory like a hot drink on a cold day. "It has been," Lan Xichen agreed. He fidgeted with the denim over his knees. Well: tried to. It was tight denim. There wasn't a lot to fidget with.  "I should call the clinic and tell them we're stranded. If we'll get any reception up here, and with the rain." He sounded reluctant. Song Lan, personally, wanted to get back to his own house and get under Xingchen's knitted blanket and tell the world to go fuck itself dry, but he didn't have an...uncle, waiting for him. Creeping over him was the unshakeable sense that he had been gifted something precious, in Lan Xichen's vulnerability. Despite his easy manner and his compassion, Lan Xichen was, Song Lan had decided during several months of study, terribly lonely, and unsure how to stop. He held himself apart without seeming to, diverting questions back to shared interests, breezily finding an excuse every time their little mob of vet-techs and animal-enthusiasts invited him to join them after hours; and it did not help that to an individual they all viewed him with something of awe. When you were that good-looking, and that kind, it came with the territory. So Song Lan pushed down the irritation at being stuck in the oxidizing shell of what had once been a functional vehicle and unbuckled his seatbelt. Struggling a little in the confined space, he shucked his sturdy flannel and held it out. Lan Xichen stared at him, mouth open ever so slightly. His eyes were shining; Song Lan could feel the back of his neck heat up. "You take a nap under this," he signed, awkward. "Let me call. My phone's got better range anyway." "Because it's not a fancy bit of overpriced nonsense?" Despite himself Song Lan snorted; he and Lan Xichen had antagonistic views towards personal technology. "Exactly." "It's soft," Lan Xichen murmured, as his fingers closed over the dark green plaid. Song Lan tried to pretend he wasn't flushing thoroughly. (When they were rescued, three hours later, by Wen Qing's younger brother in his mountain-tire-fitted jeep, Song Lan had to touch Lan Xichen's shoulder to shake him awake. In the grey light from the overcast sky he seemed to blur, at the edges, soft and precious as a rabbit's underbelly. Song Lan swallowed thickly and looked away. "Keep it," he signed, when Lan Xichen tried to hand back the flannel. It was chilly in just his t-shirt, but that was all right. He'd survive. "It suits you better than it does me." "I don't think I agree with that," Lan Xichen said, and by the time Song Lan had recovered from his subsequent heart attack Lan Xichen was meters away, climbing up his own porch with Song Lan's shirt wrapped around him, pulled tight against the cool post-storm crispness.)

[fnibbet]

MY THOUGHTS ON THE NEW WANDAVISION EPISODE

Don’t click the cut if you don’t want spoilers, I won’t be shy with them, neither are they in chronological order. I’m not that good at theorizing but I’m just putting what I noticed out there.

PIETRO

Pietro is definitely not the Pietro we know. He is way too self aware, constantly refers to life outside of Westview, and as expected, has selective amnesia. Wanda directly asks about childhood memories of their own Halloweens, and he doesn’t answer correctly. Also, the line “you probably suppressed a lot of the trauma”. ohohoh. There is definitely something off, but he’s the couch surfer, good-with-kids, troublemaker uncle we expected, which I can excuse.

HOWEVER

“I’m just trying to do my part, okay? Come to town unexpectedly, create tension with the brother-in-law, stir up trouble with the rugrats, and ultimately give you grief. I mean, that’s what you wanted, isn’t it?” Also, “Next thing I know I heard you calling me” this is pretty disturbing. Who called him to Westview? Wanda says she did, but doesn’t know how she did it. Her reaction to him coming back just proves more she’s just a puppet to a higher power. Who? 

“Why do you look different?” Wanda is not the one who recast Pietro.

“If I see any funny business I’m going to magic you into a pickled herring” Is Wanda referring to the “red herring” writing tool? Is Pietro just a distraction? It would make sense given her color scheme is all about red... Let’s see if I’m right. Other than that it’s a funny gag.

LITERALLY EVERYTHING PIETRO SAYS IS DISTURBING AND/OR SHOWS HIS AWARENESS OF THE SITUATION.

OTHER WESTVIEW RESIDENTS

Several other Westview residents seemingly become aware of the situation; Wanda’s control is slipping. Herb asks, “Is there something I can do for you? Do you want something changed?” possibly referring to the whole simulation, not the neighborhood watch rounds on Halloween.

Agnes is scared. She is DEFINITELY NOT Mephisto or the one controlling the simulation. Vision snapped her from Wanda’s control, nothing fell apart, she was terrified. 

Speaking of Agnes: there is a parallel to 1x03 “Now In Colour” wherein Agnes hesitates before telling Vision he’s dead. “Because we’re all...” “Because we’re all what?” becomes a parallel to Vision saying “Because I’m what?”. All in all pretty disturbing, this could point to a theory in which all the Westview residents are either dead or blipped but didn’t come back. However I’m pointing for dead or just missing, because there was nothing mentioned about missing people after the blipped were brought back in other movies. Marvel is notoriously bad about handling the consequences of the blip though, so I’m not holding my breath.

“Huh... These people, near the edge of town...They're barely moving. Are they alive?” Jimmy inadvertently says the most horrifying things...

THE TWINS

One of the twins has super speed, the other, reality-bending powers and telepathy. “A chip off the old Maximoff block” indeed.

WANDA: And please just remember to-- BOTH: Don't go past Ellis Avenue. We know, Mom. We know. Ellis Avenue is the edge of town, and the theory that kids can’t be mind controlled is proven correct: Agnes’ comment about that is mirrored. Wanda has apparently told the twins repeatedly to not go past Ellis Avenue. She can’t mind control them so she does the next best thing, set believable, parental restrictions and boundaries, like any “normal” parent would do, but with a far different intent behind it. Yikes.

I read on another post that Westview is basically Wanda living out her parents’ perfect life: this seems really logical now that her twins display the exact same powers as her and Pietro.

S.W.O.R.D.

Hayward is a ✨d i c k✨

The stinky bastard is just as sus as we expected, he’s looking for the vibranium decay signature inside the anomaly to monitor Vision, assumingly to see how fast he’s dying. HE CAN SEE INSIDE WESTVIEW FOR GODSAKES.

Vision started decaying and being sucked back into Westview the instant he got out. He cannot exist outside the Maximoff anomaly.

Monica’s cells have been rewritten several times by the energy inside the anomaly: could this be a new super’s birth? A new Scarlet Witch?

That said, what kind of powers does she gain? The same kind used to keep the people in Westview “alive” (between quotes cause I’m not sure of my theory yet), so either the same powers as Wanda, or something involving immortality. Either way, holy shit I can’t wait.

Not only could Hayward see inside Westview, it was noted by SWORD people that a lot of people suddenly stopped moving. Wanda needs to focus on them moving to be able to control them: it gets a bit buggy and stops entirely later. Maybe it’s because she was focused on Pietro and the twins? The timeline between Wanda and Vision’s respective actions wouldn’t line up though.

S.W.O.R.D literally got ABSORBED by Wanda’s bubble expanding. What happens to Darcy?? She’s the only one of the trio who didn’t escape!!

THE AD

A recurring theme so far, this one is weirder than ever. No HYDRA or Stark symbolism this time, that’s probably been dropped with the advancing of the decades. The snack advertised is called “Yo-Magic: The snack for survivors.” Make of that what you will...

A TEMPORAL ANACHRONISM

This might be nothing, but I still find it interesting. The sign of the movie theater in one of the scenes lists two movies playing: The Incredibles and The Parent Trap. The first movie won’t come out until 2004, but The Parent Trap came out in 1998, which makes the timeline of the episode very fuzzy. Additionally, the twins didn’t age themselves up, they had no reason to, but it’s still suspicious. Does this happen in the 90s or the early 2000s?? The episode is in the style of a 90s sitcom (turned psych horror) and the show isn’t supposed to hit the early 2000s until episode 7, unless Wanda’s decided to speed things up. But why?

THE SITCOM THEME

Yes, I am making an entirely new bullet just for this. It is so disturbing.

🎶Wanda, Wanda Vision 🎶

Don't try to fight the chaos

Don't question what you've done

The game can try to play us

Don't let it stop the fun

Some days it's all confusion

Easy come and easy go

But if it's all illusion

Sit back, enjoy the show

Let's keep it going

Let's keep it going

Through each distorted day

Let's keep it going

Though there may be no way of knowing

Who's coming by to play

Holy fuck, okay. Shit’s been dialed up to 11. Buckle up.

[honeymaki]

Hiya! I also have pcos (it friggin sucks man I’m sorry you have to suffer through this crap too 😩) and I’ve been doing a lot of research on how to manage it and treat it and I’ve found a lot of people saying that going gluten free and dairy free help a lot and it’s helped me too. It has to do with gluten and dairy both being inflammatory or something? Something else that’s been proven to help is inositol supplements! I’ve read that birth control and metaformin are really not helpful and pretty worthless as treatments but I’m not an expert at all. Pcos is a way more complex disorder than doctors tell us it is, it’s hugely a metabolic disorder and hormone disorder which is why most of us are overweight and can’t lose weight no matter how hard we try and working out actually makes us gain weight which is the stupidest bs I’ve ever heard :’)

Sorry if this is a bunch of stuff you already know or if I sound pretentious or something 😅 I have asd so I have a hard time wording things but I’m just trying to be helpful 😊 when I got my diagnosis I didn’t fully understand the condition and I didn’t start looking into pcos more until like six months later lol

Also I totally understand your struggles with hair I have a fuzzy face too and it makes doing makeup a lot more challenging lol and my stomach hair really bothers me sometimes when I’m feeling really feminine :/

I hope you find a good way that works for you for managing your symptoms and pain!! Sending you love, spoons, and hoping you have good non super painful periods ❤️❤️

thank you:(( ive had the diagnosis for maybe two years? three? but I did go gluten free for a long long while and I didn't sense much difference - I just gave myself an intolerance to gluten which turned into a problem in itself:(( I have really bad issues with food anyway so cutting stuff and dieting isn't good for me, I do eat as healthy as I can when I can but I've just gotten used to being bed bound for like three days on my period and having to move back with my parents cause of how bad my mood swings are:((

I get the hormonal stuff really badly, it severely affects my mood and my mental health nd cause of my stupid fat ovaries I developed pmdd on fucking top of everything else I got going on:(( ive never heard of inositol supplements so I'll give those a go!! but yeah, I lost a bunch of weight a few years ago and since then I've a)fluctuated all over the place and b)nearly developed an eating disorder so

fun times having a female reproductive system:((

thank you for the advice nd the comfort, it's difficult to get it around me nd my environment so thank you nd I wish you well nd kisses and cuddles nd all the good kind energy<33

[zhaozula]

Priorities, Chapter 1

This is a draft, which I will likely publish as a chapter-less fic on AO3, and is therefore subject to change.

Azula thought it would be fun to seduce Zhao, but he quickly fell in love with her and now she’s having his baby. Ozai thinks it’s a good idea and has commanded Azula to rest and have the child. To make matters worse, once Zhao heard, he left his invasion of the Northern Water Tribe and rushed back to see the baby! Or at least, that’s what Azula thinks...

High within the Fire Lord’s palace was a private room intended for the royal family to rest during illness. It was a nice room; rather plain but with the basic necessities, not to mention ample room for relaxing. The bed was small and narrow but comfortable, and beside it was a stool and table. Several tall windows flanked the western wall which overlooked the courtyard to give some peace of mind to the weary. The room mostly went unused, as the royal family was typically in good health.

Dressed in a plain gown, laying in the bed and facing away from the windows was Princess Azula. The only door had opened, and now standing on the threshold was a familiar old man holding a tray with a small tea set. “How are you feeling, Azula?” he asked.

Azula, still turned away from the man, frowned. “Uncle Iroh?” she asked. “How did you get here?”

 "Believe it or not, I was invited," he said as he approached the lone bed. He sat down on the stool, trying to make eye contact with Azula. "They are very worried about you."

"Well they shouldn't be, I'm fine.”

"That's not what the doctors have told me.” Iroh filled the teacup and offered it to the princess.  "Here, this will make you feel better."

"I don't want it."

"Azula, you have a baby on the way. You should be happy about this joyous occasion."

Azula still wouldn’t look at her uncle.

"Unless," Iroh continued softly, "You don’t want it?”

"I don't know," Azula said quickly. “How did you ever get here? Where’s Zuko?”

"Nevermind Prince Zuko. You want this child, don’t you?”

"I feel like I was tricked."

Iroh kept holding the cup out to her but he relaxed a little more as he began to realize that this would be more difficult than imagined, and he went into it knowing it would not be easy. "What else do you expect from a man who has made a career out of tricking people?"

"You don't understand," said Azula. "Zhao isn't acting like himself. My whole life he was always a strong, brave man who did everything for the Fire Nation, not some fussy little sap. We were supposed to find the avatar together. I never wanted all of this.”

Iroh nodded. "Yes, I can tell that he has changed, too. But I would not call him a fussy little sap. Putting your own needs aside and taking care of your family is the strongest quality of manhood, though society may have you believing something else."

Azula didn't answer.

"It may be hard for you and everyone else who knows him to believe, but Zhao has changed because he loves you," said Iroh. "And let me tell you this; he is only at the beginning. Having a child will alter his entire world, as it will for you, too, Azula. You will be surprised by how many things you believed to be true that will melt away into nothingness.”

The thought of her world changing again was nearly unbearable. Already too much had happened. Azula wanted to shake the eventuality away; Zhao wasn’t even supposed to be her partner, she just wanted to have sex with him. She seduced him, he fell in love, then she got pregnant. Her pregnancy had been difficult with impossible pain, mostly due to her inability to stop training, which had only several weeks prior finally ceased. 

Of course, Zhao had to go and get Azula’s father on his side. Once the fire lord was convinced that Azula needed to be with a strong, fearless admiral and have his child, she was ordered to relax and be forced into motherhood. It seemed she had no chance at becoming the Fire Lord now.

“You may realize,” Iroh continued, allowing his voice to quiet, “That the objectives you set for yourself--and your people--are not always the best. Birth and death are two realities that we must face at some point, and looking them in the eyes will alter everything else around you.”

Azula was trying her best to hold back the fear she was feeling. Such an unusual sensation for her, but it was boiling so hot within her that she could barely contain it. Try as she might, Iroh already knew.

“It is nothing to be scared of,” the old man coaxed. “This is what maturity is all about. For someone like Zhao, I thought he was a lost cause, so I am proud, even if that means he is weak in your eyes. Controlling one’s temper and focusing on love is a noble virtue. You should drink your tea.”

"I don't want your fucking tea!" Azula yelled. "I-I don’t want any of this! I want the war to be won, I want Zhao to capture the Avatar! I don’t want...I don’t want to think anything wrong about my people!”

Suddenly, the pain in Azula’s lower abdomen came back, stabbing her violently. She buckled over in response, letting out a cry of pain.

"You cannot keep exciting your body like this," Iroh warned. "Too much negative energy will harm your baby.”

Knowing Iroh was ultimately right, she forcefully grabbed the cup from him and took a sip. It was shockingly bitter, but she drank it anyway.

"That is a special maternity blend that I learned outside of our nation," Iroh said with subtle pride. He wouldn’t bother telling her what culture it belonged to; the Water Tribe was the last group of people she wanted to hear about. "The herbs will make you feel better,” Iroh continued, “But you also must work with it. Surely there is a part of you that wants this child.”

"I don't want to die childless," Azula said quickly, handing the empty cup back to Iroh. 

"And as for Zhao," Iroh continued, "Did you agree to be with him or was it arranged?”

“Ultimately I chose,” Azula admitted painfully. “I made the first move, but he basically trapped me into being with him.”

"Do you love him?”

Iroh poured Azula a second cup, which she took without a word. Looking into the tea, there was one tiny scrap of herb floating around the bottom.

“I don’t know,” Azula mumbled as she kept watching the tea. She finished the cup, loose scrap and all, then handed it back to Iroh.

"You should be honored that such a stern and narcissistic man has opened his heart to you,” said Iroh. “The look in his eyes when he asked me for help was something I never thought I would see in him. Very curious. I almost did not believe it."

"He asked you?"

"Yes. He came to me, begging for my help. And when he said I would be a great-uncle, I could not turn him down!” Iroh laughed as he took the cup away and set the tray down. “I never thought this day would come. And somehow, I’m not surprised you beat Zuko to it…”

Azula turned onto her back, holding her stomach. “This is not how I imagined my life would go,” she complained tiredly. “Zhao’s so preoccupied with this stupid child that he’ll let Zuko swoop in and capture the avatar. If Zuko comes back, father will welcome him with open arms and my whole plan is ruined.”

Ignoring the implications, Iroh stood up and touched Azula on the arm. “You should not rest on your back,” he said. “It is better to be on your side.”

Azula rolled her eyes and turned over again, this time facing the windows and away from her uncle.

“It’s been so long since the palace saw a child, I don’t think they remember how to take care of one!” Iroh said with a laugh. He picked up the tray again. “I think it’s best if I stay here until the baby is born.”

“Great,” Azula groaned, closing her eyes. “That’s exactly what I need.”

“How does your father feel?”

“He wants it,” said Azula. She wasn’t going to tell Iroh about the threats. “He approves. Probably wants to keep me away from the spotlight.”

“Why would you think that? Your father has always favored you.”

“Up until I turned fifteen. I don’t know.”

“You are feeling insecure. I would not worry about these trivial matters right now. Focus on relaxation and taking care of your baby, whether you want to be with Zhao or not. I trust that things will work out.”

Azula’s expression finally settled. It seemed, for the first time in many months, the pain in her body was starting to subside. Perhaps she needed Iroh around after all. “Does Zuko know?” she asked softly.

“Does Zuko know what? Your relationship or that he is going to be an uncle?”

“The baby…”

“Truthfully, Azula, Zuko and I have parted ways for the time being. He has his own battles to fight without me.”

“Oh. Is he still chasing the avatar?”

“I haven’t seen him in over a month. I could not tell you what his focus is now.”

Azula’s lips curved into a smile. “I hope he’s stopped,” she whispered. “Then Zhao will be successful.”

“You should not rely on everything to work out the way you want it to,” Iroh warned. “As I just said, having a child will change your priorities. If I were you, I would be happy that Zhao has softened.”

Azula didn’t answer.

“Think about what I have said,” Iroh said. “I will come back later. Try and get some rest, and when you’re ready to eat...be sure to let me know!” 

He laughed as he walked away, taking the tray of tea with him. The door closed behind him and Azula quickly fell asleep.

[eleamaya]

Fun with Zodiac Signs: Zack/Aerith/Cloud/Tifa

NOTE: Not really shipping related, this is just for fun I was idly doing based on tweet that came up on my timeline and people who try it are freak out of how accurate it is; even those who doesn’t really believe about personality traits from zodiac sign. This is the tweet:

So I went to “universal-tao-eproducts” and got what I copy-paste below. The sun signs are taken from their official bday. To get the moon one, you need to put your birth place in Birth Chart. I put Texas as Cloud & Tifa’s birth place for Nibelheim’s reference and the result is crazy accurate for them. I have no idea about Aerith which city in our earth similar to Icicle Inn so I pick the combination of moon sign that describe Aerith the most. As for Zack, since his bday isn’t given by SE (ugh, why?)... so this is the most accurate combination for me to headcanoning his bday^^.

AGAIN, THIS IS ACCURATE AS FUCK.

Zack Fair -- HC: Sep 23-29, 1984: Libra Sun, Sagittarius Moon (air/fire) why up to Sep 29? because he died on Sep 30

FREEDOM FIGHTER

You must have the room to believe and do, as you want. You most admire honesty, both in yourself and in others. You are never fearful to do what you think is moral or to say precisely what you feel. Your outlook is idealistic and your perspective is broad and extensive, but you may have some bewilderment when you find that others do not always match your standards of integrity or subscribe to your strange beliefs. You draw people to you with your free-spirited, courageous, and cheerful nature. Because your character is very self-governing, excitable, and restive; freedom is what you need most. You become incensed when someone tries to limit your expressive style or infringe on your way of life, even though you are even-tempered in most cases. Seeing the world through rose-colored glasses is a Libra-Sagittarian preference, so even if you believe you are always being truthful and uncomplicated in your dealings, there are times when brutal idealism stops you from perceiving the whole truth. Do not allow philosophy to rule every move or blind you to the more pragmatic parts of life just because your convictions are admirable. You like to play with abstract notions and ideas as an intellectual and details always slow you down. You prefer thinking about the infinite of surveying the universe to balancing your checkbook. Many of your lofty ideas can be put to good use in a more practical realm. Nothing is better for the Libra-Sagittarian than to go off on an African safari or an Alaskan expedition, so go ahead and book your ticket. Any sort of physical exercise is good for you. You are an idealist with love, as with all things. Fantasizing about your perfect lover is usually the start. You are a great lover and are giving, affectionate, and open. Unfortunately most of them stay stuck in your mind, just because you lack discipline. Mix it with some good old-fashioned common sense and think of what you could do with all that inspiration. The barriers have been broken before. Imagination is a very powerful aspect of your combination. Do not let your overactive mind take you off into Fantasy Land in the middle of a chat or a day at work. Fantasy is not a substitute for experience, but you admittedly you do need both to be healthy. It is likely that you feel a need to travel to faraway lands because your Libra-Sagittarius combination has a lot of restless energy and inquisitiveness.

Aerith Gainsborough -- Feb 07, 1985: Aquarius Sun, Pisces Moon (air/water)

TRUE BELIEVER

You are a very kind and helpful person and are able to identify and sympathize with almost everybody. Your innocent soul is humble, generous, and sensitive. You know the difference between right and wrong because you have an innate sense of integrity and wisdom. But your spirituality is not always synchronized with pragmatic common sense. You have no cunning or shrewdness and are completely trusting. Your faith in other is total and you would be eaten alive if other people were not so kind to you. Fortunately people never fail to respond in a positive way to your innocence. There is a dreamy look that Aquarius-Pisceans have and it seems they have just woken up and do not know where they are. This approach is used in everything, as though existence is carried on in several dimensions. If you see the entire world at once, you get mixed up because you cannot really separate the parts. It is possible a religious path might be for you because you are quite spiritual. Some Aquarius-Pisceans are even drawn to the monastic life. Furthermore, you may be especially tuned in to the occult and the mysterious. More mainstream people find this quite odd about you. Your imagination is strong and you have a very visual mental framework. Given the right motivation and teaching, you might be an artist or other creative entrepreneur. However you must acquire some direction and discipline from others to be successful. Without this, you are a ship with no rudder to guide you to your destination. You are a sponge for the stress or feelings around your environment. That is a strong influence on you. Meditating, reading, or listening to music from time to time is good for you. However, you must be careful that isolation does not take you away from involvement with others. High technology or heavy competition is not suited for you as a career. Involve yourself in a profession where you can use your compassionate and humanitarian feelings. Or perhaps think in terms of using your powerful clairvoyant skills. Because of your detached character, people might think that you are uncaring. Aquarian detachment may lead others to believe that you are not very sensitive, but the opposite is actually true.

Cloud Strife -- Aug 11, 1986: Leo Sun, Scorpio Moon (fire/water)

VACILLATOR

You relish a good battle and, in fact, if there is not a lot of competition, you feel somewhat cheated and let down. You are very motivated and determined, even though you show a playful image to the world. You probably believe that, if you ever revealed yourself, you would give your enemies an advantage, even though most of your enemies exist solely in your mind. Consequently you are very secretive in order to protect yourself. You view yourself and humanity with the greatest importance and you are a very intense Leo. Your approach is almost always a serious one. Jokes at your expense are not thought of kindly. You generally have a master plan for life, and you carefully follow it because you are purposeful, bold, and aggressive about everything. A kind of wall is built around you. You desire all the comfort, authority, and control you can get from life. You like material possessions and are sensual. Nothing can hold you back after you have set your sights on a job, toy, or romance. You go after your aims with quiet firmness, and your charisma, self-assurance, and ruthless willpower help you to get them. You have a lot of determination, fortitude, and a strong sense of purpose because both signs of your combination are fixed, but that also makes you obstinate and rigid, especially pertaining to your beliefs. It is very hard for you to accept the views or opinions of others. You are very independent and you seldom compromise. You have a very low stress threshold thanks to your rigidity. Aggression, irritation, or injured pride cannot be held in for very long and it is generally released quickly. You are obstinate and somewhat spirited. You are very insightful and astute to the ways of the world unlike most Leos. Finance, management, and business attract you, as do most things involving competition. You have probably experienced strong creative desires, however. A Scorpio Moon can inspire and assist the creative needs of the Leo Sun. You rarely follow through on those artistic desires because you are so worried about instant gratification including things such as when you might get your promotion or have your next sexual conquest. You might be the next van Gogh or Picasso if you would redirect some of those sensual drives and use some restraint. In this lifetime, when there is so much going on, your creative talents are not likely to find an outlet.

Tifa Lockhart -- May 3, 1987: Taurus Sun, Cancer Moon (earth/water)

PROVIDER

There is an insecurity and restraint about you too. This results in a person who shows an exterior that is stable, while internally there is insecurity. There is a gentle kindness in you that attracts others. You also have a charming and tactful nature to go with it. You realize that aggression does not work nearly as well as diplomacy. Handling people well is an inborn trait, as is your almost instant adaptability to situations. You seem to be on everyone’s side at the same time. You carry yourself with an air of confidence. You are controlled in your approach to life and this makes you seem secure. This combination has a Taurus side that is dedicated, motivated, and sensual. The Cancer aspect shows sensitivity along with imagination. Caution is necessary if you do not want to lose your own identity in this process of trying to please everyone. As you move on in age, do not allow yourself to become self-satisfied and smug because a big part of you is easily satisfied with your life. Push yourself beyond what you see as your limitations and this will surely help round out your life. It would be a shame to waste your numerous strong points and talents. Creativity in design or architecture are places you can showcase your wonderful imagination and artistic talents. However, professions that provide more financial security because of your Moon in Cancer attract you. Undertaking a career that is a gamble is unlikely because it goes against your basic nature. The Taurus powers of concentration and the Cancer Moon provide an ability to understand and remember what you have learned. However, you also keep a ledger grounded in emotions such that you remember every insult, rejection, threat or other circumstance for a very long time. You pout in preference to discussing your feelings of hurt or anger. You can become a cynical and sluggish person if you experience a serious emotional setback in the form of rejection. Obviously, releasing negative feelings like anger is best for you and this means expressing them openly. Aggression is almost unknown to you because you are a peaceful person. Luckily, the vast majority of people respond to you kindly because you will probably not come to your own defense. Occasionally though, it is imperative to state your views.

COMPATIBILITY & STORY RELATION

FYI, Sun Sign represent exterior self, ego---dictates what we want out of this life, how we view the world, and how we interact/express with others. Moon sign represent inner self---especially when you’re alone, a personality that is often unknown to others unless they’re so close to you and understand you on that level, reflecting emotion/feeling, desire, and fear.

Zack & Aerith’s sun sign is air; the most expressive tribe. Air sign is social butterfly, flirtatious, and they quickly drag you to their life. They are truth-seeker to put their right belief onto before action and curious about many things in the world. You also could see them externally similar as fuck and being happy couple, no need explanation, do you agree? Meanwhile, as the one who has fire element under the sun sign, Cloud has the highest ego and fiery personality upfront. You see how he alienated himself and pick up fights since kid because he thinks he’s the best of everyone. He’s also someone who hardly admit his weakness and prefer to cover it. But his exterior energy matches Zack’s inner self. His desire of what he want to become is what Cloud carries for the rest of his life and put into real action. Like the name, Earth sign, Tifa is the most grounded character and the most stable outside while Zack-Aerith-Cloud are turbulent/chaotic people.

Surprisingly, Aerith-Cloud-Tifa are emotionally similar as they all carry water element as their moon sign: sensitive, depth of feeling, private, empathetic. So they all can be compatible each other to understand feeling while Zack is the most rational one who uses mind more than heart. The difference is... As Pisces, Aerith is the most selfless. As Scorpio, Cloud is the most secretive. As Cancer, Tifa is the most nurturing. Meanwhile, Zack & Tifa has no compatibility, both of their sun and moon sign are all opposites. Story-wise, they also have no interaction other than a week in Nibelheim where Tifa guided Zack to Nibel reactor, texted him about blond SOLDIER, and he felt responsible for the incident happened to her.

PS: I also search for Barret (Dec 15, 1972) and tweet it on my Twitter account, he’s Zack’s reversion: Sagittarius Sun-Libra Moon; probably gonna do more characters!

[sanababes]

Golden Child (I)

= fem!reader x twiceblackvelvet

《 A/n: so this is the bnha inspired thingy, I just got some ideas from it and just created stuff from my imagination lol. Please don't expect too much I just made this series for fun :>> feel free to express your opinions about this 》

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On the prevailing modern generation, possessing a superpower or also know as a "quirk" is nothing uncommon. It was first witnessed a few centuries ago and it continued to cultivate with different combinations until it became normalized in the society. A person is also determined if he's light or dark (aura), this benefits the user whenever he uses his quirk. Acquiring a quirk comes around 5 to 8 years old of age. Fundamental hero courses were then introduced and applied in academic institutions. If a child is quirkless or so as called as a "vigilante", general studies are provided.

However, many individuals began to dwell in desire and selfishness due to the rivalry of being a powerful mortal. This made the villains emerge from their own shadows as they try to surpass the good and take over the federal civilization.

Noble families (pure-blood heroes) are assigned to ensure the safety of their municipality. This became a standard law, though it is required for them to pass from the hero course to use their quirks freely. Your father, Kang Haneul is one of the nobles too. He's an exceptional hero and always protected the people from the bad. His Ice whip (light) quirk allowed him to generate ice trendils from his arms and command it on his will.

He went on with his job until he encountered the "Mistress", her quirk was unknown but it was said to be so powerful. They both fell in love and kept their relationship secret because it was forbidden since the Mistress was a well-known evildoer.

They both got into a conflict when Haneul married another woman unbeknownst to the Mistress. He even had a daughter with his wife kept it from her too.

You were then conceived from an affair that was frowned upon by your father's household since they are nobles. After the Mistress gave birth to you, your father took you away immediately then raised you with his real wife and daughter. Even though it took time for them to accept your existence, they noticed your potential to become a hero when you attained your quirk at the age of 6.

About your quirk, it was incredibly potent, Half-cold Half-hot. As they predicted your aura was also half-light half-dark. You were a unique combination, rumors started to spread about the youngest Kang and then you earned the title of being a "Golden Child" due to your extraordinary power.

It was rare to get a dual quirk, this allowed you to generate ice and fire from your right and left body correspondingly. For your auras, you have light in your right then dark in your left.

(A/n: lol todoroki much 😂)

You were home-schooled at your father's mansion while simultaneously trained to control and use your power with accuracy. You hated unnecessary attention that's why you're contented at being isolated.

On the other hand, your (half) older sister Kang Seulgi is very enthusiastic and outgoing if she's compared to your composed and calm behavior. The two of you get along just fine, you appreciated her as a family but you couldn't withstand her persistent nagging. She would always tell you to go out and have some fun which you find it absurd. You're fine by yourself and you'll continue to mature like that.

At the age of 11, you got invited into a summer camp which is formulated to strengthen your skills in combat and to enhance your quirk as well. There were several pupils who you trained with at the time, but you got close to a particular blonde though.

"Hi! I'm Lisa, can we be friends?" You remembered her saying.

The other kids discreetly avoided you since your aura was pretty intense, but Lisa did the opposite.

"I-I'm Y/n..." You uttered merely.

"I see, so you're the shy type huh? Don't worry, I'll be your best friend from now on!" she told you, her voice filled with confidence.

Practically the two of you became close after that. She would come over every now and then since the mansion settles in the countryside neighborhood which is pretty far from Leiden (downtown area).

As time passed, you became stronger than before. Seulgi would even team up with Lisa as they challenge you into a match. Honestly, they don't work well together but they managed to win against you many times. Seulgi's quirk is permeation (light) while Lisa has whirlwind (dark).

The two of them studied at a school unlike you, sometimes you felt a little envious but it would go away eventually. Your father had told you numerous times that it was just to ensure your safety. You just understood that and concentrated on studying and increasing your ability.

----

It's been a few years now and you're currently stepping inside the most renowned Leidenschaft University in the land of Roswell. By your side, your sister Seulgi had a cocky smile on her face as you both walked along the hall. Bunch of students murmured endlessly when they recognized who you are, it was in the middle of the term so transferees are rarely accepted into this hero school. They guessed that you probably entered through recommendations since your father is a famous hero. Nonetheless, you didn't care and just continued to walk to wherever your sister is going.

"I think they're starting to like you, Y/n. You should've come with me during the first day," Seulgi chuckled while teasing you purposely.

"Whatever... Just send me to the principal's office or something."

You rolled your eyes out of annoyance, you wouldn't even be here if you didn't lose the deal that Seulgi made.

~ Flashback ~

You're just sitting peacefully behind your desk as you played with your ice, making random shapes on your hand while Seulgi sat across you. She suddenly banged the poor table and stood up with her eyes lit up playfully.

"Yah! Since you're starting high school this year, why don't you study at my university? I'll speak to dad about it," she said.

You just shrugged ignorantly, deciding to play her own game.

"And what will I get from it?"

"Hmm, okay let's settle this out. If you win against me in a fight then you don't have to go, but if you lose..." She smirked.

"Fine, let's go to the yard then," you wore your metal mask and followed your sister outside.

You're not really optimistic when it comes to fighting against Seulgi. Even though you're quite hard to beat, you know that she's a little tougher than you.

Seulgi positioned herself at the opposite of the open lawn as you went ahead and prepared your stance. You huffed through your mask while thinking about your strategy to gain a victory from the latter.

"Siwon-ah can you infer whoever falls to the ground first?" You asked your servant who's standing below a tree to get some shade.

"Will do, young master." he bowed politely.

"I'll strike first!"

Seulgi instantly went under the ground and suddenly appeared from behind. You dodged her kick then filled your right arm with glaciers as you tried to jab her abdomen. Unfortunately, your hand went through the girl, she took advantage of it and quickly punched your face which made you trip a bit.

"Fuck..." You cussed mentally.

She scoffed at your situation, Seulgi clearly wants you to wield your fire ability.

"Come on, use your left side. It's not really a big deal."

You blasted multiple ice balls towards her direction, whilst thinking about using your flames.

"You can't defeat me with ice Y/n, I'm sure you already know that," she added.

You activated your dark aura instead which made Seulgi feel the chills. It made her suffer from your dominant ambiance since she's a light, the girl went pass through you again when she aimed to make you slip. You were caught off guard from her speed as she swiftly locked your left ankle.

"Ouch!" She yelped.

You knew she was very naive to start on. You secretly activated your flames into its minimal energy, maybe a little surprised too that Seulgi didn't saw you emitting some fumes on your left body.

"Oops! My bad."

Your sister looked at you unbelievably, like she saw something scarcely credible. You chuckled at her reaction as you immediately attacked by shooting your flames to her direction. Seulgi hissed from the heat that you granted, she absolutely want to end the fight soon.

"You smart-ass! You're going to regret that Kang Y/n," she whacked your guts out harshly that made you groan and fall on your knees.

"Yah! You didn't have to overdo it so much!" You whined lowly.

Seulgi's pissed off face turned into a smile when she realized that she had beaten you.

"It's been decided. You're going to my school young lady."

You let out tons of complaints before deciding to remove your metal mask. The steam of vapor came out from your mouth as you breathed heavily. Your sister walked towards you and fixed your disheveled hair. (u can have da same hair like todoroki’s 😉)

“Aigoo, stop sulking already. I promise it's going to be fun studying there.”

On the other hand, Siwon just shook his head in disbelief as he knew you were alright. The three of you then entered the mansion once again as you dwell upon your loss.

"Tsk, be thankful that I didn't go all out this time..." You said.

Seulgi just laughed at your childishness while planning to discuss your application form with Mr. Kang.

~ flashback ends ~

So that happened which is why you are inside this massive academic establishment.

You and Seulgi were about to enter the principal's office when a familiar voice called for your attention.

"Y/n!"

Lisa jogged towards you as she left her group of friends confused.

"You didn't have to shout like that..." You utter awkwardly.

The blonde did not seem to care and hugged you instead.

"I'm sorry I just didn't expect to see you here, why did you keep this from me? I thought you're going to be home-schooled again," Lisa whined while tugging on the blazer of your uniform.

"I wanted to see your reaction, but I think it wasn't a good idea. Now all the students are looking at me because of you."

What you said was certainly true, your tall appearance is really eye-catching if your asking. (I also want you to know that your left eye is blue-)

"Fine, I hope we'll be classmates then. Now go get your schedule and see you later boy."

Lisa finally left as you both entered the office. A man in his 40s greeted you with excitement, you glanced down at his table and saw a name in the metal placard which said 'Mr. Park Jinyoung.'

"Good morning, Seulgi-ah. I see, so is this your sister?"

"Yes sir. She will be staying with us from now on," she answered.

"That's great! Hi Y/n, I'm JYP and this is your schedule. I'm happy to have you here in Leidenschaft University," he said.

"Thank you sir, I'll do my best."

You and Seulgi bowed politely and left the office. She showed you around the school then told you about some specific areas and such.

When you both arrived in front of your assigned homeroom, Seulgi knocked on the door which had 'Class 1-A' engraved on it.

The door opened as a teacher came out with a gentle smile on his face.

"Oh? Seulgi, what are you doing here?"

"Ahh Mr. Ok, I'm just here to drop off my sister. Please take care of her for me," Seulgi said.

You learned that your adviser's name is Ok Taecyeon which is presumably the man in front of you. Your sister gave you a warm pat on the back then went to her own class since she's a 2nd year.

Mr. Ok guided you inside the room that is filled with other students. Their eyes are also fixated on you which made you feel a little anxious.

'Is she really the golden child?'

'Damn, I didn't know she was that hot'

'I heard she's Seulgi sunbaenim's sister'

'Ugh she's pretty and handsome at the same time'

'I think I'm whipped'

You heard some chatters from your dear classmates, you just let them be and found yourself sighing at relief when you saw Lisa sitting at the back as she waved her hand discreetly.

"Uhh hi, I'm Kang Y/n. Please take care of me," they acknowledged your presence.

Mr. Ok then told you to sit beside someone named Sana, you glanced through the students when you saw an orange-haired girl raising her hand cutely. You assumed that it was her so you walked towards the girl and sat on the vacant seat by her side.

"Hi I'm-"

"Minatozaki Sana" you finished her statement.

The girl looked astonished but then realized that their uniforms had name tags on them.

"A-Ahh yes that's right, you're cute ya know that?" She flirted with ease.

You gave Sana a tiny smile and looked away from her intense stare. You felt someone looking from the side, then you sensed a familiar aura coming from that person.

"Dahyun unnie?"

-

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~ to be continued ~

(a/n: just corrected some grammatical errors that bothered me after re-reading this story again 😂 i'll probably update this soon when i have time ;)

[sebastianshaw]

And I’m sure Snowbird getting a happy ending had nothing to do with her being a blonde white woman and Haven being a dark skinned woc

I don’t think it was THE reason, but I would not rule it out as a contributing factor.

The major reason is that Snowbird is a hero and a major character, whereas Haven was an extremely minor character and a villain. So it’s pretty standard in that regard for Snowbird to get a happy ending, and Haven not to. Especially considering that, while Snowbird was not a character that “belonged” to anyone in particuliar, Haven was the creation of DeMatteis and when he left the book, so did she. That’s why her story just ENDS so abruptly after her confrontation with Charles, even though it seems like it should just be getting starting---her creator took off, and the new writer wasn’t interested in her.

She pops back up in the annual a year or two later to die, and I strongly suspect this was due to readers writing in and asking what happened to her; I can’t confirm this for fact, but TV Tropes claimed that fans actually refused to root against her because she was so sympathetic and benevolent, so I imagine a lot of them wanted to know where she went and this was to get them to shut up.

(It kind of reminds me of when this webcomic writer wrote a character he meant as despicable and twisted, and she was, but she was also way more deep and interesting than the 2D mouthpieces the protagonists were, so fans kept asking when she’d come back. He got so fed up he drew her dying in a gross and humiliating way. So yeah, if people were indeed asking “what happened to Haven and her evil possessed fetus?” and writing her dying in the mud giving birth while a goddess victim-blames her was the response...yeah. Again I cannot be for sure this is what happened, it’s just a GUESS.)

But yeah the big reason is Snowbird is a heroine and important, Haven was a flash-in-the-pan villain that only one writer wanted to write and had to be gotten out of the way when someone new came in. Nothing deeper than that. But the WAY that Haven’s story played out, especially compared to Snowbird’s...that’s got a lot of sexism and quite potentially racism there, yeah. So um, let’s get into that. Under a cut for length because I doubt people following a Shaw blog for Shaw want to see a bunch of non-Shaw rambling.

Haven’s story, as I have written about MANY times on her blog, is REALLY UNCOMFY in its sexism, racism, and xenophobia. Let me say, I do not think DeMatteis intended this. He writes Haven as a very kind, well-intentioned person even at her worst, and I happen to know he has a genuine real-life interest in Indian spirituality, which I think is definitely what inspired her. Unfortunately, these good intentions didn’t stop Unfortunate Implications galore: - Our first Indian/Hindu/Zoroastrian character is not only a villain, her “evil” philosophy is taken directly from real-world Hindu beliefs - She is opposed by a team comprised ENTIRELY of white people who work for the US government who scoff at those beliefs and refer to them as “New Age” (aka a white hippie movement that appropriated a lot of actual Hindu ideas but certainly did not invent it!) - The US government says she’s a terrorist. Polaris raises doubts, because Haven’s actions at that point have been nothing but benevolent (she saved Polaris) whereas the same government making these accusations has been malevolent (the people trying to kill/capture Polaris were US agents, despite Polaris working for the government, who attacked her because she had the same energy signal as Magneto) When they go to see Haven in person, she’s preaching peace between humans and mutants. Havok opens fire on her---so basically, a law enforcement officer shooting without warning at an unarmed WOC who isn’t doing anything threatening and they don’t even know has superpowers yet--and Haven has to hit the deck. Despite her own great power that we later learn she has, she never retaliates. But we find out that yes, actually, everything the government said about her is true, she’s leading a terrorist death-cult, and so it’s a-okay that our white government cop FIRED A FUCKING PLASMA BURST AT HER WHEN SHE WAS JUST STANDING THERE. The moral of her story is seriously “this brown woman with a funny religion is a terrorist because the government said so, no matter how nice and gentle she seems, and thus any excessive force against her was definitely justified even if we didn’t know that at the time” like it’s CHILLING. - Haven herself actually has very questionable agency in all this. She’s actually been pregnant for twenty years; her unborn child is permanently in the first trimester and possessed by the powerful demon known as The Adversary (which doesn’t make sense timeline-wise, but I have no doubt this thing can time travel, its entire point is to fuck the rules of universal order) We don’t know exactly how much it can influence her or perhaps even control her, but we do know it’s been talking in her head from 20 years and came on at a time she was REALLY messed up and vulnerable, and manipulated her at the least. I personally think it probably was controlling or influencing her at a very deep subtle level, but that’s just my interpretation. At the least though, again, talking in her head for 20 years, that’s the supernatural equivalent of schizophrenia and we wouldn’t blame her for THAT, right? - Oh, and about it appearing when she was at her lowest, most vulnerable point? Know why she was at her lowest, most vulnerable point just when she happened to be pregnant? Haven’s story is she was born extremely rich but was so passionate about using her privilege to help the poor that she ran away from her parents---philanthropists themselves, but who wanted to protect her from the outside world too---to go work directly in the streets, bathing lepers and cradling dying babies. She got her name “Haven” because she used her wealth to renovate a children’s hospital of the same name, I’m serious. She was literally a fucking SAINT. And then she fell in love with a man, and he used her, knocked her up, and ran off. She was DEEPLY ashamed and berated herself not only for her loss of “purity” but also for being “selfish” and forgetting the children. This is...so sad, and so DEEPLY entrenched in how women, ESPECIALLY women of color in a colonized culture, are considered “selfish” and “evil” if they don’t utterly sacrifice themselves 24/7 to care for others and dare have wants/needs of their own. So she fell into this deep despair and that’s when her fetus starts talking to her and filling her head with twisted lies that preyed on both her devout spirituality and her desire to help others.

There is no more sympathetic villain setup POSSIBLE, you’d think Haven would be a SHOE-IN for a redemption arc or at least being saved from her own “child”, but she gets neither. She dies alone in the mud, having only now realized as the birth is coming just what it is she’s about the bring into the world. Roma, the Omniversal Guardian Goddess and eternal foe of the Adversary, appears to watch. Haven begs her, not to save her own life but to stop the Adversary from the terrible things it’s going to do to the world. To her last breath, her concern is others. And Roma tells her “I would weep for you, but you brought this on yourself.” So basically, Haven, who is the most wonderful person in the world and who VERY much fits expected gender roles (gentle, maternal, loving, non-violent even when attacked, long hair, pink and purple flowing clothes, literally SPARKLES) has sex ONE TIME and she’s punished for it in the worst fucking way while the guy who impregnated her gets off scott-free. It’s just...it’s the worst narrative, in terms of sexism AND racism AND just in general. That’s not even getting into, say, the really uncomfy way her meeting with Xavier is handled, eesh. Compare, Snowbird. She’s actually far LESS the “perfect” woman than Haven is, she’s very cold and aloof and she even contemplates LETTING HER SON DIE so that her ties with mortality will be severed and she can join her divine family in paradise. But she had that son within the confines of MARRIAGE to a mortal man, and she only got married after her duties were done, unlike Haven on both counts. And her loss, and the loss of her child, are deeply mourned by those around her, she has a very dignified and beautiful funeral with Snow White style glass coffins, and we see the spirits of herself, her husband, and her child all ascend to the Inua paradise together, the gods having decided to let them in even though mortals have never been allowed before. She gets divine exception, Haven gets divine condemnation. She gets a beautiful funeral surrounded by loved ones, Haven’s corpse is probably still rotting in the jungle and her brother likely still has no idea what happened to her. To be clear I in no way resent Snowbird for her better treatment in a similiar story, I like Snowbird, but it is very disparate in how differently these seemingly similar situations---possessed baby and such---were handled, and the specific ways in which Haven’s were handled so badly ARE very much the product of bigotry that Snowbird didn’t suffer in part due to her being a white or white-coded character (in addition to being, again, a heroine and a major character, which helped her a lot too) Also, is it just me or is Marvel like...weird around childbirth/babies/motherhood and mixing that with demons/evil spirits/possession? Because in that same vein we’ve also got Madelyne Pryor and Wanda Maximoff who also go through demonic possession that’s related in some way to being mothers of babies. That’s a very strange pattern to have and something’s going on there.   As a note, it bugs me that Snowbird’s human disguise as “Anne McKenzie” is a BLONDE WHITE WOMAN. Like, yes, her human father was white, but her mother Nelvanna is one of the Inua, the ancient gods of Canada from LONG before white people showed up and WHO LOOK LIKE FIRST NATIONS PEOPLE, Snowbird herself is constantly emphasized as a child of these lands, she is literally magically BOUND to these lands and can’t leave them without weakening and dying, she was raised by an indigenous shaman, and she can only turn into animals that are INDIGENOUS to Canada. She is very unsubtly the embodiment of pre-colonial Canada, so it’s just...asinine to me her human form is that of a colonizer. I get they probably didn’t think further than “let’s give her human form blonde hair so it’s recognizably her” but like, that’s the problem, they didn’t THINK. Also I feel like her being mixed would really thematically fit her, since a strong part of her story was struggling between her divine and human heritage and being forced to try to “pick a side” which is something I’ve heard (I’m white) that a lot of irl mixed people deal with. It just would make more SENSE.

[deprssivewriter]

Errors in general and Nye in particular

Thanks to the best bro for motivation (even though you did it unconsciously).

It’s time to talk about concept and characters, yeah. Although today I will pay attention to the most unprocessed of them.

A brief digression: once upon a time there was a boy of fourteen years old and he wanted characters with angel wings. But he not only had given up on the wings, and he'd given the race the stupid name "Errors," and by the time he was twenty, he hadn't come up with anything better. So, in addition to the wings, Errors each have their own curse (there are only a few types, but more on that later). Accordingly, when they are severely or mortally wounded, the curse consumes them (who understood thay understood, who did not understand they will understand). However, even after the resurrection, the curse does not immediately go away, it torments the wearer for another couple of days (depending on the circumstances), while the body slowly recovers. Errors are born rarely from ordinary people, parents see the wings from birth, even though they are like in a hidden state. By the age of 3-4, Errors awaken their first powers, including their wings, and they can no longer keep them hidden, so for the next few years everyone can see their wings until they learn to control them. We continue to develop my insanity, Errors are immortal. You can kill them only by pulling out their wings, all other methods of killing lead only to rebirth. By the way, the Error itself can not pull out the wings, either, they will grow back in this case. It seems that all the most important things are indicated.

Let's go back to the one I originally wanted to write about. Nye. Initially, he was envisioned as a completely neutral character, but quickly enough something went wrong, and he became an asshole, which probably difficult to find. But a recent conversation with bro made me think about him. I really wanted to write something, and I asked her if she wanted to see something from the life of a certain character. She also said that she wanted Nye and Jack(another Error) to meet for the first time, and I was a little upset. It was in my mind in general terms, but I never thought about this moment in detail, however, as well as about Nye. Among all my characters, he is the only one who does not have a prototype from real life. Somehow, he just happens to exist on its own. Among other things, somehow it turned out that he was fucking special. In theory, the first Error appeared due to a freaking major failure in genetics, according to the theory, all the genes there should have been recessive (I'm not a biologist, so I don't quite understand what I'm saying, I warn you right away). Nye, in turn, was born an albino, which is also a fucking glitch in genetics, and with it came a new curse that no one had before. Nye is currently the only carrier of it (and probably the only one, I don't think that he wants to have a child). So, when I thought about him, I tried to put aside all my negative attitude towards him, and realized that in fact he is very strong, and it is quite possible that he was so twisted because of life. He had to deal with all this shit himself (Errpr’s powers, I mean). And even when he was able to find some information, he still had his curse, which no one had ever seen before. And I will remind you that he is an albino, so he periodically got severe sunburn. I also remind you that the curse begins to work when the wearer is seriously injured. His curse is carnivorous butterflies (yes, what will you do to me). They eat away at the place where the wound is, which is accompanied by hellish pain and not the most pleasant sight, in the case of death, the butterflies eat him completely, while he remains conscious for as long as possible (when I imagine what pain he is experiencing, I already wince). And to avoid suffering, he was able to subdue his own curse, which also happened for the first time in the history of Errors.

Nye has learned to spray his body on butterflies and thus travel long distances in a very short time, he has to wear a black cloak so that the sun can not burn him, and in case of which people do not see his rotten, butterfly-eaten flesh. Also, since some butterflies are extremely good at mimicry, he has learned to use them to turn into any person, which is also a great achievement. Let's go back almost to the beginning of the post, where I mentioned Jack. Nye took him away from his family around the age of 7 to take care of him, so that he would not face the same difficulties as Nye himself. Only Jack's family was good, they loved their son, even too much, perhaps even considered it a blessing that their son was an "angel". But Nye took him anyway. My main character, has a theory that maybe Jack's parents were part of a cult that hunted her once (ugh, in short, Error’s feathers are important shit and that very sect catches them as children until they can't control their wings), or at least were going to give it to them, and all their love is ostentatious, so that Jack does not master the ability to hide his wings for as long as possible. Given that I still haven't refuted this theory, it's possible that this is true, and Nye actually saved him (let's skip the point that after a dozen years, he began to treat him). I'm all for what, maybe Nye is just broken, like almost all of my characters. Yes, compared to someone else (I'm talking about the main OC, yes, her name is Tie), his suffering and pain are not so large-scale, but we all have a different psyche, none of us consists of iron or something harder. In addition, in the end, after almost a decade from the main events, Nye still comes to his senses and realizes that he behaved like an asshole.

Up to this point, I have not had any sketches with Nye, except for some very short snatches from the plot, because it is very difficult. It is extremely difficult for me to think like Nye from events of present, he is extremely adept at mixing lies with the truth, so that in the end you involuntarily begin to believe him.

"You know, I almost feel sorry for her. She has everything and nothing — no friends, no homeland, no family… She is a proud person, she never gives up, but her very contempt for death speaks volumes. She has nothing to lose, and she wants nothing but her own death, and she won't get it. Tie is smart enough to understand this and more… She hates us, fights with us, but even so, she understands that the truth is on our side. By blood, she is a person, but by birth she is tied to Errors and **. ***, Yuzuru, and even ****** can be forgiven and accepted. Tie — no, because the hatred of the traitor and betrayal is stronger than the arguments of reason… She knows how to show that she does not care, but she is a living being. She proved to everyone that she was ready to be the best, but it wouldn't change anything… She will live her life with the stamp, so she does not fall in love. Whatever she is, she is afraid that her children will turn out to be Error and live the same life. That they'll live in hell... "The good has sharp fangs" ... that's what Tie once said. Her drinking with *******, her friendship with demons, her lack of fear… God, everyone is afraid, even me, but Tie is not… She seeks her own death, and finds someone else's, " Nye said softly.

I'm sorry, some of the words are censored (?), because I'm not ready to talk about someone’s names yet. Let's go back to the other one. Will you be able to figure out where the lies are and where the truth is, without knowing anything about Tie?

While the real Nye is hard for me, I have a good understanding of the Nye of the future and, as it turned out, of the past. And all this demagoguery I spread only for the sake of the second.

When the curse first consumed me, I didn't immediately understand what was happening. Gradually, the white butterflies of “death" were killing me. I knew I was turning into food for them, but I couldn't help it. I just lay there helplessly, watching as they gradually absorbed my flesh and reached my bones. Everything happened very slowly, and I was conscious until they got to my heart.

But even after the rebirth, they have not disappeared. I didn't want to go through that excruciating pain again, I didn't want to be [eaten] again.

I tried not to get hurt, but it's very difficult, so I started wearing a black raincoat in all weathers to keep the burns to a minimum. That's something.

But in battle, it is more difficult to avoid a blow or even death. In one of these I do not know how, but just for a couple of seconds, I turned into a flock of butterflies, with the help of which I was able to avoid a blow. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, but it struck me. And ever since, I've been haunted by the thought that it's Me who can control my curse, not it.

With small steps, I began to master it, first scattering the individual parts of the body, getting used to the sensations and control over each of the butterflies. Then it was more difficult, it was necessary to learn not only to scatter the whole body, but also to spend as much time as necessary in this state. It's very energy-intensive, but I'm sure it will pay off for me.

Maybe with this ability, I can become something special, something more…