#and my hyper independence

[death2normalcy]

I need some advice.

Before I begin, I want to clarify just a couple things, because this is not going to paint me in the best light, I’m aware of this. I should have ended things months ago, but I didn’t, and now here I am. This is about breaking up with my boyfriend.

Now, it’s a complicated situation for 2 reasons.

One, I am leaving for Korea in February, and haven’t told him anything about it. I’m not factoring that into this though, not really, as I very much plan to be broken up by then.

And two, he helps me out with getting rides home at night. My job is forcing me to work an hour past the last bus and without it, I would be walking home in the dark for about 30 minutes (the dark isn’t the problem. The upcoming snow and negative temperatures are). I know that makes me look so shitty, but there are other factors at play here, I swear. I’m not using him just for rides, although I am aware that I do use him in that regard, something I was actively trying to avoid before and now, I’m stuck. I tried to reason with my work last year about this and was told that he could just stay clocked in for an hour (he clocks out an hour before me, he stays to give me a ride). I tried explaining that it wasn’t a good idea for me to rely on him for this, and was ignored by everyone, management and him. He was very insistent that it was fine, and I’ve been through this before, where it’s fine...until it’s not. And now it’s not.

I know that it is partly my fault, I chose this, but I did warn him that relying on him for shit like this was bad, it never ends well. But the ride thing is my own mess to deal with. After finding out some new info, I’m going to talk to management/personnel about changing my hours so I can take the bus home. I shouldn’t have to rely on someone to get me home, that’s ridiculous.

(As a side note, I’ve also been pushing him to get a new job. We don’t work in the same department, but we do work at the same place. He’s miserable where he’s at and for multiple reasons, I’ve tried to get him to quit and find something better. I want him to be happier, but I also want him to leave so I don’t have to see him every single day. He’s adamant he wants to stay, but I know the reason is me and I hate that.)

But what I need advice about is the breaking up with him part. Now, before anyone says it, I am already aware that I just need to do it. Just get it over with, the sooner, the better. But for a variety of reasons, I’m struggling to figure out how to ease him into it.

I’ve debated different scenarios, including just telling him I want to teach English, then telling him I got a job,then going and breaking up with him then, but that’s insane, I won’t do it that way. There are many reasons for my uncertainty, a lot to do with how he is as a person. I could go more into detail, but the very, very basic rundown is this: he has anger issues (although he acts like he does not), he’s clingy and seems to dislike how independent I am, even though he won’t voice that, he rarely voices if I’ve done something to upset him, which I know I have, but anyways. We’ve been growing apart for months, and I honestly thought he would just give up and break up with me, but I’m his first real girlfriend, and he seems determined to spend his life with me, despite us being a good ways into this relationship and me giving him barely anything (again....this does not paint me in the best light. If you need more clarification on this, I can make a separate post.)

So, my question is what would be a good way to ease into breaking up with him? I see him every day at work, for both my breaks, and he gives me a ride home. That’s really the only time we see each other. Like I said, I’m not concerned about the Korea thing, at least not yet. That may make me seem like an asshole, but it’s necessary for now. I’m more concerned with ending things with him completely. Any advice?

[thesoftestmess]

this might not be canon, but personally i need furina to struggle a whole lot longer and harder with post-prophecy depression and mental illness. She's played the same tiring and painful act for five centuries, was constantly in a life or death scenario and had to hide her true self from the world the entire time and she won't just recover in a few years from that.

There's parts of her that will never ever be compatible with a simple human lifestyle, and parts of her that are irreparably broken. She isn't sure of her personality after everything that happened and the lie she had to live. She slips between personas and her archon temperament comes through like a defensive mechanism at any sign of conflict or trouble.

She's plagued by nightmares. Of the flood, of the trial, of the people closest to her conspiring against her behind her back, and of being found out in a million terrible ways. Of saying the wrong thing, making a wrong decision. Of being found out, of being found out, of being found out.

Lying or keeping a secret feels existential still. Being honest still feels life threatening sometimes. Putting herself first feels like putting both hands on a hot stove.

She doesn't live in the palais anymore, doesn't have to sit through trials anymore, but her heart and soul are still there. In her dreams she's still at the place she spent her entire life's memories at.

Yes, she can make new memories, but it'll take time. More time than she has, maybe, now that she's the closest to being human she'll ever be.

She'll never be human in the way the people around her are.

What sort of human has 500 years worth of memories after all? What human tells personal anecdotes and mixes up their centuries?

What sort of human can feel the absence of their divinity like it's a physical thing? A voice that will never speak to her again, or keep her alive? What human has no family, no childhood?

What human remembers so little, but still remembers death somewhere deep within?

She jerks out of sleep from it sometimes, gasping for air, and spends the rest of the night awake, almost frozen by fear. The flood is over, but it's hard to convince her racing heart that the danger is too.

Humans have entire family trees that go generations back, but Furina was put into this world a solitary creature, her blood heavy with sin ever since she turned human.

She owns a hydro vision now and doesn't know how to yield it, but the ocean still calls out to her some days. Sea creatures flock to her like they can smell she's not human enough.

She learns how to make little hydro companions for herself, so the darkness and emptiness of her apartment feels less ominous when she lies awake at night.

She can't turn her vision into a weapon quite yet, but when it rains the droplets seem to cling to her. She's watched them roll upwards along her arm, watched them gather in her palm like kin. She wonders if sea creatures flock to neuvillette in a similar way, or if his immense power makes them recoil. She wonders if elemental dragons can feel regret. Wonders if he, too, ever feels entirely foreign in that human body he was given. If he, too, lies awake trying to grasp faint memories of a past life.

She's extremely human in the way she's plagued by body pains from not being able to relax just one day in five centuries. The years catch up with her once she gets out of survival mode, and fatigue is a constant companion now. Sleep comes difficultly and getting out of bed was easier when the fate of a whole nation depended on it. On her. She's never lived for just herself before and some days she's not sure she wants to.

She did her duty and earned her retirement and the story turned out well, all things considered. She still has people by her side, some of them.

Still, she feels raw and tired and overwhelmed by the life lying ahead of her. As a human and as someone who will always be Something Else.

[shazleen]

commissioned art

[planetsallalign]

If I could not only not have dreams about my ex, but really please brain don’t give me sex dreams about my ex. Especially when the sex wasn’t ever as good as my dream made it, since the dream added in all the things I ever wanted. I know I’m dreaming of him because we’re at the anniversary of my whole life imploding. But I was hoping by now it wouldn’t even be a blip on my radar. But I suppose the body really does keep the score.

[lilithism1848]

[notthebeststufftbh]

Shout-out to the ppl who felt like the whole world depends specifically on them since they were 13!!

It's a negative shout-out. Get therapy bestie.

[themoonunderstoodmydadjokes]

Trying to be a hoe but a hoe for the right person ya know??

[raayllum]

Rayla + going off (or attempting to) on her own

[ghost-bxrd]

What’s your opinion on Janet and Jack Drake?

Phew that’s a tough one!

Ok so I’d like to reiterate that most of my knowledge comes from reading fanfic and looking up some canon events on the internet. I haven’t read too many comics yet >.<

A lot of fics (mine included because it’s a nice plot device for Tim angst) depict the Drakes as horrible people who are much more abusive/neglectful than they are in canon (at least from what little I know).

But even without that they left Tim behind for months at a time, didn’t realize he was sneaking out into Gotham AT NIGHT when he was like—- nine? to take pictures and I don’t think he had an actual babysitter either? But feel free to correct me here.

And yeah, Tim is/can be a very independent person but interestingly enough there’s something called “hyper independence” which is something neglected kids may develop as a consequence to not having an adult to rely upon.

Which doesn’t mean that Janet and Jack don’t love Tim. I’m actually pretty certain they do, in their own way, but neither of them is or was equipped to raise a child. They prioritized their globetrotting business over providing a safe and healthy environment for Tim.

Being a parent is a full time job and they didn’t even put in the bare minimum beyond providing him with money, a roof over his head and some occasional check ins. Being back in Gotham once every couple months to spend some days of quality time with your kid just doesn’t cut it.

So to sum it up I think Janet and Jack Drake are horribly neglectful parents whichever way you look at it. And sure, they could be worse, but neglect isn’t a competition. ✨

[ubike-official]

as i said b4, cant wait til I'm 30 to experience my own yuri cherry maho. its gonna be great

[saigikuuuu]

ooc

[bashes head on wall!] the [bashes head on wall!] temptations [bashes head on wall!] to [bashes head on wall!] make [bashes head on wall!] jouno [bashes head on wall!] be [bashes head on wall!] soft [bashes head on wall!] are [bashes head on wall!] winning [bashes head on wall!] help [bashes head on wall!] me [bashes head on wall!] I [bashes head on wall!] know [bashes head on wall!] not [bashes head on wall!] the [bashes head on wall!] first [bashes head on wall!] thing [bashes head on wall!] about [bashes head on wall!] vulnerability [bashes head on wall!] aaaaaaaaaa [bashes head on wall!]

[rerenah]

Goes insane over the Loken campaign I’m obsessed with this family of monster hunters

[neptunejheart]

To the hyper independent part of myself. It is okay to receive support. It is okay to allow yourself to surrender to well intentioned help. You deserve it. You do not have to carry everything alone, nor do you have to do everything alone.

[straydogged]

...huh.

[themoonunderstoodmydadjokes]

Hyper independent girlie just wants to be taken care of is that too much to ask 🥺🥺

[just-a-regular-immortal]

When something bothers me, I tend to make light-hearted complaints about it(I have a hard time treating things seriously because that means being vulnerable) and since a lot of things bother me, I complain a fair amount. To be fair to me, most of me complaining is a sort of cry for help because actually asking for support is near impossible.

But yeah anyway, who would've thought that being told I complain a lot and that complaining is bad would cause me to stay silent even when it's super important and necessary to get help.

I can handle my own mental issues, but now I'm here barely able to walk thanks to an injury and I feel bad for even expressing pain or discontentment, all while I'm being told I'm ridiculous for not asking for help.

I know I have issues that need fixing, but idk, I just feel like that first statement about complaining majorly set me back.