#and my own inability to feel like a real person who makes my own choices

[soldier-poet-king]

Act 3 astarion quest has me unwell. The sobbing desperation. The I can be better than him. I am more than a thing to be used, the thing created by him. Everything about me is tainted by him but I can choose to be different and be new even if everything about the me Before has been forcibly taken from me. The visiting your own grave. The finally wanting to live again. Maybe never seeing the sun again is the price of freedom. Maybe it means more when it's something freely given. Even if it stings.

I'm unWELL

[dilfsonic]

Okay so, unpopular take that applies specifically to my Service Animal AU: Shadow and Maria are not siblings/“sibling coded.”

If you’ve read the notes on the original lore post describing them, you probably already know what I mean. While they can and will have moments of inspired ‘sibling’ like love for each other, that’s simply too disingenuous a way to describe them. They’re so much more. They’re each other’s only friend, they’re charge and ward, they can mimic the attitudes of siblings but never fully understand them, they have no romantic interests (until sonic shows up) and so mimic certain attitudes in that way with each other as well. But all of these are mere approximations and mimicry without fully encompassing any of those relationships. Shadow’s “affections” can be easily misconstrued for holding more weight than they actually are intended, as gestures such as hand holding/cuddling/purring are all utilitarian expressions meant to ease Maria’s physical discomfort or anxiety in accordance to his job as her service animal. Nothing more, nothing less. Maria knows this, but others can and do easily make their own assumptions.

I’ve been a little nervous to express this interpretation as I feel it can be really easily misunderstood, and I don’t want to give people the idea that even the immensely “”romantic”” or affectionate gestures or affiliations applied to them are actually meant to be shippy. Their love is an all encompassing one, and to call it sibling-like or romantic are both incorrect, as they’re neither. Ultimately applying any real world label to this au will be incorrect and a little too extreme in either direction; the closest possible relationship that may most accurately describe them is that between a service dog and their owner, if such a service dog was as intellectually capable of their human.

They’re what you get when you’re the only two people in your whole world. They’re what you get when you pair together someone who’s indebted to the other for their existence, which goes both ways. And by normal relationship standards, I would disagree to consider it a ‘healthy’ dynamic, but it also cannot be judged by the milestones of what a normal and healthy dynamic even looks like.

Shadow is nothing without her (in his own mind), and this lends itself to an inability to conceptualize a ‘self’ to even express. Maria hates how Shadow views himself — a tool, a trained dog, a guard, a companion of necessity — but she also can’t avoid using him accordingly. That means having no choice but to treat him not as a person, but as her crutch. Shadow is little aware of her internal struggle with the dehumanization of him because they communicate this almost never. Nor does he mind being dehumanized, he has never been a ‘person’ since the day he was created anyway.

Maria would love nothing more than to call Shadow a little brother, her best friend, someone who she could’ve had take her to prom because nobody at her school wanted to indulge the sickly child, nor did anyone even know her well enough considering she spent most of her time out of school than in it. She’d love to call Shadow these normal things, but she can’t. Not yet at least. Sonic will slowly change them and the way they can view friendship and the world and what it means to belong to each other, but it’s hard work on Shadow and Maria’s part.

They are something that can’t be easily defined, because it’s complex, and messy, and while there are bright moments of wonder and joy, is also overwhelmingly dark in its implications, and they can feel utterly alone even when standing right next to each other. Shadow owes Maria everything, and Maria owes Shadow everything, but each underestimates the full gravity of how their own existence touches and expands the other. They consider themselves worthless compared to the other, and that’s what gets in the way of them truly being able to open their hearts to each other. The way Sonic later teaches them HOW to open their hearts.

So yeah. I hope this concept of blurring the lines doesn’t scare too many folks, but this is based on my personal interpretation of how I feel a continued existence between them in canon or a canon adjacent world might have been like. I know it’s easy and delightful to see em like wholesome siblings — which is also an interpretation I wholeheartedly endorse and adore, particularly the way my bud @ratrrriot draws them (please go follow them if you don’t already, their shadow and maria artwork is to die for!) — but this is just a slightly different and admittedly darker take on them that I hope won’t ruffle too many feathers. Sibling coded relationships between characters are so wonderful, but in this case doesn’t feel satisfying or like it can possibly cover the scope of them for this particular au. I dislike labeling them or comparing them to another dynamic, like Sonic and Tails who are very explicitly brotherly with one another.

I may make a separate post on Sonic’s impact in this world and how he touches the lives of Shadow and Maria, Helen (when she comes along), and this world’s version of Robotnik (Julian) if people are interested in that. I take a lot of inspiration from his characterization in the Adventure games and Sonic X for this AU, as he’s most closely canon-aligned compared to Shadow and Maria who are a little different; though I’m gonna try my best to fit their “canon” personalities into a completely different scenario. Such as, Shadow lacks the innate hatred he has for mankind as he never loses Maria, but he will retain the “my body is a tool” mentality and the general uncaring of others opinions of him, etc.

[lurkingshan]

I've had all the different Love for Love's Sake interpretations rotating in my brain and kind of picking and choosing what I want to take from each of them, which is a very cool thing we can do with this show because it supports many different reads. I think for me I have landed on a few core ideas that I am stewing on the most:

Is Myungha in control of the game?

One thing I'm feeling pretty solid about is that my preferred interpretation is one where Myungha's consciousness is in control of the game. @jemmo and @biochemjess and @wen-kexing-apologist all offered up some thoughts about this that resonated with me and give me a framework that helps me make sense of the game glitches and server errors as manifestations of Myungha's emotional overwhelm and inability to accept love, rather than a creator forcing cruel choices and punishments on him. I like that idea a lot.

The initial assumption the show invites us to make is that the game world was created by the author based on his own novel, but I don't think that idea holds up as the show goes along. Because if this world we're in was truly based on the novel, I would expect we'd have seen some of it. Instead, we get a world that is populated by Myungha's own significant people--those he loved, those he lost, those he regretted--and no real hints about the novel world we're supposedly in. We never met the novel leads, for instance, or learned that Myungha had pre-existing knowledge of any other characters besides Yeowoon. So that tracks better with Myungha simply pulling his blorbo, the character he identified with most, into this afterlife world he created for himself.

Are Yeowoon and the romance "real" within this world of the show?

Which leads me to the next thing I'm stewing on. Is Yeowoon "real" in any meaningful sense within this universe? Is their relationship? Because functionally, Yeowoon is a mirror of Myungha and a stand in for his own self within the game world. Making Yeowoon happy becomes making Myungha happy. Loving Yeowoon is a form of self love for Myungha. One could argue that because the afterlife feels real to Myungha, it becomes real, and therefore everything that happens counts. But @troubled-mind mentioned in her post that she can't really latch onto the love story in this show because the reality is that Myungha has died and this afterlife is "wishful thinking." As an atheist, that resonates with me, and I think it's perhaps why I was not quite as emotionally moved by the romance ending as some of y'all seem to have been. Don't get me wrong, I thought it was beautiful. But I did not experience this as a happy ending to a love story in the way that some did. More than anything, I think I take it as a final bit of closure, that Myungha was able leave in peace having found some measure of love for himself in his final moments. I don't know that I am sold on the idea this means he is living a whole second life with Yeowoon.

So then, who is the author?

I have also been thinking a lot about who exactly this author is and how he's involved in this game world. @bengiyo suggested that he was someone who loved Myungha in life and created this world out of his own grief, and @twig-tea had suggested to me even before the show ended that the author was trying to help Myungha through the game. I see a logic to these reads, but I can't say either particularly resonated for me, in part because of what I mentioned above re: the cruelty of the game world if the errors are not self-inflicted by Myungha. @crapyouknowme suggested that the author is in fact a manifestation of the star Myungha wished upon, a loving presence that came to him because he yearned for it. I kind of like that idea personally, that this is another form of self-love Myungha willed into existence for himself. @dropthedemiurge wrote that in the end it seems all the text messages of love and yearning were from the author, and I do tend to agree. So under this interpretation, the author appears to Myungha and sends messages of love and guides him back into this game world with Yeowoon because Myungha wills these things for himself. I like that idea that Myungha is ultimately still the one in control of how he chooses to leave the world.

I think ultimately for me, I am arriving at seeing this story as less of a romance and more of a journey to self love and closure at the end of life. I do think there is a hopeful tone to the ending despite how dark the realities of Myungha's story are, and for me that hope is primarily based in his ability to love himself on his way out of this life.

[princeescaluswords]

I like Stiles as a character, but I often get frustrated by fanon diverging from canon, and the worst of it to me is the ways that Lydia treated by Stiles - as something he deserves, most notably when she kisses Scott and he's angry, which the fandom holds against Scott because apparently Lydia making choices means Scott is a bad friend - or in the scene when Lydia is high after the werewolf attack at the movie rental place, and the only thing that keeps Stiles from doing [something] is that Lydia calls out for Jackson rather than him.

I think Stiles is kind of a jerk, and I like him because of it, but the fanon Stiles used as a weapon to bludgeon canon Scott is... the dumbest thing in the fandom

Have you ever seen the frequent criticism on this site that certain people should have paid more attention in English class? This criticism arises from posts like the one I saw today, where a person was confessing that "people think Stiles is evil because he almost made out with Lydia while she was drugged up." I don't think Stiles is evil for doing that; it sounds like you don't think Stiles is evil. I've never actually heard anyone call him evil for almost giving into temptation. (The closest I've ever come to calling Stiles's evil is his behavior in Lies of Omission (5x09) and Status Asthmaticus (5x10) and I don't even go that far). What we do recognize that what he did in Lydia's bedroom in The Tell (1x05) wasn't the right way to behave.

Stiles's desire for Lydia is real and natural; it was his inability to recognize and respect proper boundaries that almost created a very bad situation. He did pull away when Lydia said Jackson's name; the realization that she was confused about who he was and not secretly attracted to him reminded him that his behavior wouldn't be the fulfillment of his desire but him taking advantage of her. It's a good scene that tells us about Stiles's weaknesses but also about his strengths: beyond the insecurity that leads him to fixate on the most unattainable girl in school and his constant disregard for proper boundaries, Stiles is a fundamentally decent human being.

So why do I, personally, bring up this scene when talking about Teen Wolf a lot? Stiles-stans (who are not really fans of Stiles but fans of Fanon Stiles or, more accurately, Self-Insert with a Stiles Name Tag) like to go on and on about how deficient a person Scott McCall, the lead protagonist, is because he was "obsessed" with Allison and lacrosse. They argue this to say why they 'dislike' him, but what they actually mean is that he shouldn't be the lead protagonist. But they never seem to remember Stiles's behavior when it comes to Lydia (or Derek's behavior when it comes to Paige or Liam's behavior when it comes to Hayden for that matter).

My position -- and I think the production shared this position -- is that Scott's desire to have a girlfriend and make first line on the lacrosse team is real and natural. However, his attempts to avoid recognizing and coping with the consequences of Peter's vicious assault could lead to very bad situations unless he took responsibility. Scott had to learn how to anchor himself -- which he did! He had to make sure he put what was truly important ahead of his relationship with Allison -- which he did!

I have always maintained that Teen Wolf is a bildungsroman, which is a story about children becoming adults. Throughout the series, Scott's growth is primary; he evolves from an asthmatic loser who feels like he sits on the sidelines of life into a True Alpha werewolf leading a war against those who would murder supernatural creatures out of self-interest. But he's not the only one to grow. Allison had her own story; Lydia had her own story; Derek had his own story (one of the best redemption arcs ever); and Stiles had his version of that story!

The problem is that there are a lot of people who didn't watch Teen Wolf as a story, but rather as raw material. They swooped in and picked up the parts that they wanted, like vultures devouring a carcass. They wanted Stiles and <insert white male love interest here> to be the focus of the show, as they were the focus of their interests, but they could do without the part where Stiles struggles to grow up. In response, they selected only the parts that fit their agenda. Thus, Scott becomes dull, obsessive, stupid, with a foolish no-kill rule, and an unearned hostility toward the Hale Family whom he shamelessly usurps, even though none of that description is remotely true. On the other hand, Stiles becomes the should-be valedictorian of his class, a master archmage, and a ruthless anti-hero ready to kill anyone to protect which ever white male character he loves this week, even though none of that description is remotely true.

Fandom, in the name of their own enjoyment, has boiled their understanding of the story down to "I don't like Scott" and "Stiles is not evil!" Nuanced takes like "Stiles had the courage to cross boundaries to protect others but that tendency also led him into some problematic actions" and "Scott didn't start out a heroic protagonist; he only embraced the mantle when he realized that the threats he had to face didn't care that he and his friends were teenagers." become difficult for them to understand and unpleasant for them to process, because they only really want Power Fantasy Stiles and Bad Friend Scott. Those bits and pieces fit into the pre-existing tropes that bring them pleasure. It's the limitations that frustrate them, not Teen Wolf's.

[ceruleancattail]

So... Who is ur fav in each respective dorm?

OMG THANK YOU FOR ASKING THIS ALRIGHT OK!!! ANON I COULD HUG YOU RN-

Always super happy for any chance for me to ramble-

I’m going to assume you mean in a general platonic sense, because my answers for that differ from the characters I love in a romantic sense-

Spoiler warning!

Also, these are all totally my own feelings, and if you disagree with them, it’s completely alright!

Alright, my favourite characters per dorm and why:

________________________________

Heartsabyul dorm: Ace Trappola

Alright, let me be real. The first time he appeared in the game? I wanted to sock his face in. Like, my dude, I am literally just cleaning the floor. Why are you getting all up in my face for, jerkass?

Which already shows how well written his character was. I was ready to reach into the screen and throttle his neck. Now that? That’s a raw, visceral reaction to what essentially is a string of text and a jpg. I immediately liked him as a character.

I do love, love, love the way how’s he’s written as this dude with blustering confidence, a joker with an insane amount of cards up his sleeves… well, at least the Ace he wants to portray. In the story, he has his dorky little mess-ups and they make him a little realistic in my opinion.

Also him making fun of his friends? That’s very real of him, honestly. Although for all the jokes he cracks, he does care about the friendships he fosters in Night Raven College, as seen from the end of Scarabia’s chapter, where he actually comes running with Deuce to Yuu’s position. He also offers to catch Grim, albeit at the expense of your wallet.

There have been so many instances in the story where he’s shown concern for the people around him. He’s an asshole, but he’s also a guy you’ll trust to come for you when you’re at your lowest.

Of course, expect some snark from that silver tongue of his. But he’ll still be there for you.

He may be a jerk, but Ace also has an insanely strong sense of personal justice. He laughs and heckles others, all jokes and merriment… until something crosses the line.

In the Heartsabyul chapter, when Riddle throws the tart aside for no other reason but “abiding by the rules” ? Ace snaps back.

That might just have been his pride talking, but I believe that deep down, Ace knows what’s fair, even if the rules have to be bent for that regard. He’ll fight for what he believes in, as proven from the spoken spat he got into with Riddle.

I think that’s very admirable.

________________________________

Savanaclaw dorm: Jack Howl

I care about this guy. Very much.

Alright, where the hell do I begin? What drew me to Jack at first was his attitude. The gruff, no-nonsense attitude earned him brownie points in my books immediately. Considering my first encounter with the people of this world was, in order: a cat with flames as earwax, a man in a bird mask, and literal cards? This dog boy got my attention at once.

In the Savanaclaw dorm, I was pleasantly surprised when he was so… firm about not cheating. Jack stood strong, even when tempted by promises of an easy win. Staying firm on your choice, when an entire dorm is against you? Look, these are the people you see everyday. Your pack, if you’ll like to use that term.

That hard-headiness of Jack Howl is one of his best qualities. I love the way Jack trains like there’s no tomorrow. He knows that to gain what he wants, he has to put in some quantity of effort for it. And that’s exactly what he does. Hell, he even goes above and beyond.

He’s the literal example of blood, sweat, and tears, and I respect that about him.

But of course, no one’s perfect. I feel that one of his flaws would be an inability to be honest about his feelings towards people. The way he’s so round-about with his feelings, often coming up with very badly-thought-through excuses to help others out… it’s a flaw, but it’s still an endearing one.

I think he’s just a good boy. ‘Nuff said.

________________________________

Octavinelle dorm: Azul Ashengrotto

Surprise surprise! It’s Azul.

Maybe it’s not too much of a surprise, actually. Azul Ashengrotto, the man, the myth, the legend. He’s a guy who’s literally fought for everything he is now.

Being bullied for something you are sucks. It does alot of harm to a person’s self esteem, especially at a young age. When a person is in that sort of situation, it’s very easy to fall into a victimising mindset, and blame the bullies for everything.

Azul literally snapped and fought back. He changed himself, he spent hours on self-improvement. Clawing at everything he can reach, in order to never be viewed as that octopus hiding in a pot ever again. Now, I’m not saying that this is the best response to being bullied, but I still respect Azul for all the effort he puts in.

Also all those business smarts? There’s a reason why that guy is running the entire Octavinelle dorm. You need to have insane determination to be able to run a restaurant, keep track of a dorm, as well as stay on top of your schoolwork. Azul excels in almost every subject, and the notes he sold?

He had to analyse every school paper, the literal syllabus itself to come up with something as helpful as it was. Also, he had to print it and bind it. Mass produce this product.

The devil works hard, but Azul works harder.

I also admire his adaptability. During beanfest, he knows that his physical ability cannot match up some of the crazies in Night Raven College. So does he throw in the towel and give in?

NO! He literally engineers a freaking net to capture his prey. Azul becomes so much more dangerous in a corner, because he’ll do anything to tear his opponent right off their high horse.

I respect that. A lot.

________________________________

Scarabia dorm: Kalim Al Asim

Fuckkkkkk, you’re actually making me chose? Scarabia’s literally my favourite dorm. There’s just something about “people stuck in a narrative that they’re born into,” that’s so appealing to me.

However if I had to choose, I love Kalim.

The golden child, the one who was born with the entire silver culinary set shoved into his mouth. I think people really focus on his whole “sunshine boy” personality a lot. But you have to understand that that smile comes from a lot of denial.

One of his voice lines is literally just him denying his feelings, before asking about yours. Kalim knows he is privileged financially. He knows the envy people throw at him, the way they elevate him onto a pedestal. Try to sympathise with someone?

He’s probably told that people like him wouldn’t understand. He’s probably been told that he’s lucky, he won’t encounter problems in life due to his family.

He’s been told that he’s a fortunate person so many times, that it’s become a label slapped onto him, covering everything else Kalim actually is.

I want to see what’s under that smiling face of his. Kalim’s just such an interesting character to me.

________________________________

Pomefiore dorm: Vil Schoenheit

He’s the moment, he’s the icon, he’s everything-

Jokes, but seriously, though. Vil is such an insanely well-written character, that all I can describe him as is: awe-inspiring.

My respect for this man was solidified when he told Epel “are you seriously gendering movements?” Which really shows how much he does not give a shit about societal gender norms. Vil pursues beauty, no matter the shape or form. He doesn’t let society’s preconceived notions of what people should or should not do influence him in any regard.

He knows what he wants, and he’s willing to give anything for that goal. For all his insanely high standards and requirements, he holds himself to that same rigid standard he sets for the entire Pomefiore dorm.

Also the moment he plunged in just for Idia? A guy who literally kidnapped him? Who tried to attack them? And turning old in the process? Whoever said Vil was only about material beauty can step the hell up, I’m going to fist fight your ass!!!!

Also him crying about his older looks afterwards show how human Vil still is, even behind all the fame and the glory. Vil is still just a person, behind the screen.

10/10 presentation of character. I love him very much.

________________________________

Ignihyde Dorm: Idia Shroud

I want to dissect his brain and find out what exactly makes this guy tick. Like he’s just such a guy to me. He gets anxious talking to people, and just treats them as otherworldly beings he doesn’t understand.

The way he’s like: oh no the extrovert squad- Idia like me for real, for real. All jokes aside, what I really like about Idia is that he might just be one of the most level-headed guys in Night Raven College.

During the whole chapter 6 grab-your-favourite-overblot-boy, Idia understands what exactly is happening. He was with Azul, and Azul was ready to fight back/or at least offer some resistance. Idia takes the situation calmly, and tells Azul to surrender.

He may have a bit of a negative view on things, but he does consider every scenario, and picks the one that is the “best” scenario.

Jumping to his negative views on things, I feel that it’s because Idia really thinks of every possible way everyday situations could go. Maybe he thinks too much, but I can understand that. Thoughts tend to spiral, especially after some time.

Maybe it’s the guilt from causing the incident with Ortho.

Maybe it’s just Idia.

Who knows?

I want to find out. I’m putting this guy in a test tube and running experiments on him.

________________________________

Diasonmia dorm: Sebek Zigvolt

I have not played the lastest release of chapter 7. Will I play it? Yes. When? That’s a question better left unanswered.

HOWEVER! I have limited knowledge of my crocodile and an unbelievably big cocky head, so I’ll just write whatever I want. Based on? Vibes.

I really really love the conflict he has as a character. The way he seems to only address humans as their species, besides being one himself. How does he live with both sides of himself? How does Sebek come to terms with that? Like I feel that’s an interesting take on a guard of the fae. Someone who’s part of both worlds, but stays loyal to the fae side of him.

Also him being loud whenever he’s excited is such a neat little detail. Whenever he’s mad, he’s excited, he’s happy, Sebek just has to say it. He’s so painfully honest that it’s refreshing, especially in Night Raven College. Honesty is a virtue, and Sebek is oozing with it.

I really, really like his devotion to his family, even if that grudgingly means Silver. As much as Sebek gripes about him, you can see that he really does care about his sleepy brother. The way he blusters his speech contrasts immensely with the care he treats Silver with, and that’s so real for siblings my dude.

His loyalty to Malleus is stifling, but I do understand where Sebek’s coming from. For most of his life, he grew up in Briar Valley, right? A place where the Fae belong. For him to diss his own human side as intensely as he does, Sebek probably heard and internalised this viewpoint from a young age. How canon is this? I don’t know. I’m yapping.

Malleus is the prince of a fae. Royalty to the fae. Maybe that’s why Sebek cares and admires him so much. Because to him, that is perfection. Which smoothers Malleus quite a bit, because he’s literally being hurled into a throne by Sebek. Worshipped, even. There’s love there, yes, but could it be too much?

That level of devotional admiration Sebek gives Malleus is so interesting to see as well. I think Sebek needs to ease up on the whole “hero-worship” thing, but is he even capable of it?

I don’t know. I’ll like to find out though!

Sebek my dear sweet boy, let me pick your brain-

[0hcicero]

Ok, ok, ok, first, I need to preface. I love both Suvi and Amé as characters, and I love how Aabria and Erica are playing them. It’s meaty, it’s complex, it’s complicated, and they are crafting imperfect and really authentic characters, and clearly have so much trust between them as friends and scene partners to play in uncomfortable spaces, and it can’t be understated.

That said, OH MY GOD I JUST WANT THEM TO YELL AT EACH OTHER!!!! Both of them! Not just Suvi, who is most likely to let out her frustrations and her ire, but also Amé who is *least* likely to. They both just push so hard on each other’s wounds in a way that would be so much less painful were they not so deeply tied and if they didn’t care so deeply about each other.

Suvi’s need to externalize judgement, her need for control, and her need to confer blame (mainly on others) clearly are deep-seated symptoms of the trauma she endured as a child, losing her parents, and growing up in an environment and culture that is grounded in control, action, and externalizing judgement on others (e.g., guid mage vs citadel wizards, witches as lesser, spirits as resources, other nations’ magic as bad/wrong and other nation’s choices as justification for war and violent action - not saying in some cases unwarranted but just laying out the logic). The loss of her parents outside the citadel makes the world feel unsafe, and as a way to counteract that fear, she leans so hard into that control, blame, and judgement, and it pushes into Amé’s own wounds of shame, guilt, and people-pleasing, and lack of boundaries/inability to state her boundaries.

Amé grew up internalizing blame, other people’s emotions, and taking accountability and responsibility for others, in many cases, over her own needs and wants. Amé’s family gave her up because she was a witch. She blamed herself and holds still an incredible amount of shame simply for being who she *is*. The village treated her as an outsider, and her abandonment issues are clear triggers for her people-pleasing, her lack of/inability to state her boundaries, and why sometimes after relenting and following others’ course, it seems like she just snaps and has to do her own thing, the thing she’s been hinting at, quietly requesting, or wheedling for.

It was inevitable that in finding each other as young adults, our witch and wizard would be grinding and grating against each other’s rough edges. Suvi’s immediate stress response is fight, and Amé’s stress response is freeze and fawn. Those are hard to reconcile!

Without Amé clearly stating her needs, wants, and boundaries, Suvi has no real ability to map her control within the relationship, which would naturally lead to insecurity in it for her - the woman who needs to understand everything, black and white, no grey to muddy the waters. Without Amé to push back against Suvi’s judgements and blaming, Suvi further loses her openness to the world outside the citadel, instead, retreating into the comfort and safety the mentality of the citadel breeds.

Meanwhile, with Suvi’s judgements and ultimatums, it pushes Amé (who is so used to internalizing shame and reading others to navigate social dynamics in both her role as a witch and as a people pleaser) to shrink and apologize for her needs and wants, and to further take responsibility for the actions and behaviour of others (e.g., Ursulon’s safety after they were separated, after Suvi essentially sicc’ed the guard on them). At some point, the resentment will build so strongly it will become destructive, either to her or to someone else, but, and this is the thing that kills me, likely not Suvi, because she is the one that Amé is seeking approval from right now! She’s so deep in it, I worry that she won’t start asking if Suvi is the person she needs approval from, and why it matters so much for her. I worry that she will be able to intellectualize boundaries and psychological concepts, help others find their way to them, and yet never internalize them for herself.

The thing is, these two *need* each other! Suvi’s boundaries are so strong and reinforced, and she defends her personal sovereignty with tooth and claw - and my GOD does Amé need to learn how to do that, even if it will result in some inevitably tense and uncomfortable conversations for the both of them. Amé is a font of curiosity and non-judgement, of honest wonder, and what a joy that would be for Suvi to adopt - to be able to engage with the world not through a lens of fear or insecurity, because the world she has known has been dangerous, but instead through a lens of curiosity, because the world is surprising and joyful, and sometimes not having the answer means the journey of wonder gets to continue!

Can you imagine how beautiful it’ll be when they learn to balance each other? Amé, a confident witch who is not afraid to state her needs and make choices without guilt! Suvi, a wizard operating from curiosity, not fear, who lives not for the period at the end of a sentence, but the marginalia embroidering it!

Ah god, I’m not even through this episode and I had to take an hour to write my thoughts about it down. Gosh dang it Worlds Beyond Number, ya done got me by the throat on this one, y’all.

[daniel-profeta]

daniel profeta Interview

Hey y'all!! Back around March/April 2023 I was approached by a diy "magazine" that was more of a blog about artists in Georgia, to record an interview about my music and other projects. Sadly they decided against using it, but they just sent me a transcript so I could post it myself. It's slightly disjointed, but maybe you'll find some enjoyment out of it.

daniel: My dad got a used acoustic guitar when I was 13, and I kinda stole it to practice with all the time. So began my awe-inspiring journey of entirely mundane events. I taught myself how to play and sing with YouTube and just went forward from there. All throughout my life I've had problems expressing myself, but music, and art as a whole, have become my voice and taken over nearly every aspect of my life.

With hindsight I realized this always was the case. As a kid I was always enamored with storytelling… From reading for hours a day to attempting and failing to write a fantasy novel, from crying listening to Elliott Smith, Alex G, Mitski, Car Seat Headrest, Phoebe Bridgers, and countless other artists and bands to writing and recording hundreds of songs that never saw the light of day, my life has been a string of "failures" that's slowly becoming a vessel for expression. Meeting that one person who knows your songs and sings along with you, knowing you wrote something that meant anything to another human, makes me feel less alone. That's what it's all about.

I owe a lot to my parents for cultivating an appreciation for art, and while they never exactly "approved" of my life choices (laughs), they never really tried to stop me. Maybe they should have tried harder, who knows. When I was really young my mom tried and succeeded at getting me interested in acting in films. While I started as an extra in shows and movies like Stranger Things and The Hunger Games (it's a lot easier to be a movie extra than many people think), I eventually started getting actual roles. I've been in a few horror short films, and if you ever try to talk to me about horror I will talk your ear off… But the highlights of my acting career have been working in the incredible educational series Super Science Showcase as the geeky character Caleb, and meeting and working with the innovative director Barry Jenkins on the show The Underground Railroad (while my role was fairly small in that, that week of filming was one of the most surreal and rewarding experiences of my life, second only to playing live music and having people scream my lyrics in my face).

I was homeschooled growing up, and my family was forced to move around a lot as we struggled to find affordable housing and jobs. The cool thing about being homeschooled is you kinda set your own hours and have a little more free time, but the bad thing (for me) about homeschooling was the feeling of isolation and inability to do much besides write and try to make stuff. I wasn't allowed on the internet until I was 14-15, but then it was like a whole new world opened up for me.

One interesting thing about trying to create this life is the weird relationship most people have to it. Like, no one supports you unless you're successful, yet it's almost impossible to be successful without support. For example, I have a YouTube channel where I have uploaded nearly 2000 videos over the course of 3 years (yes, I know I have no life, don't rub it in) that's just called "daniel profeta" (stylized lowercase cause I'm cool). In the last few months I went from having 1000 subscribers to having 25,000 subscribers. My point being, "overnight" success is only real to people on the outside, people who don't see the thousands of failed attempts. People who don't hear the conversations where everyone close to you tells you to give up. Every step of the way there are opportunities to learn and grow and adapt, but you must be willing to block out the noise and get up every time you fall. That's the realest thing people who make art will learn, not everyone will like what you're doing. It takes time and effort to find YOUR people. But just know they're out there, and never give up.

I never had formal training of any kind, for acting, writing, guitar, vocals, bass, piano, recording, editing, the list goes on. Quickly I learned that I would never have the equipment, connections, or resources that many others did, but that's where you become resourceful. I am forever indebted to lo-fi music like Car Seat Headrest, The Mountain Goats, Bright Eyes, and Daniel Johnston, because without them I probably never would have had the courage to start. The ethos of DIY is one outside of gatekeeping and elitism, the ideas and community are open in mind and heart. We will "make it", and we will do so on our own terms. So, to keep this explanation brief, I have made multiple albums of music with no "real" recording equipment and recorded music videos myself with a crappy camera and some friends. I play all the instruments and do all the mixing myself. It's incredibly fun yet tedious, but the feeling of uploading or playing something is the greatest feeling in the world.

Your question was if my road was a smooth one, but I would say there really wasn't a road at all. Just foreboding uncharted wilderness with a few guiding lights of inspiration to help me on the way to creating the life I hope to have. But the way I see it, each failing, each stumble, and each limitation were just blessings in disguise. Take my music for instance, I used to feel ashamed of the low recording quality of my early work, but now I see it like a badge. It's honest, raw, and ultimately more powerful and unique. And the people I've met are some of the most driven and ambitious people in the world. We will make it, and when we do everyone who doubted will eat their words (laughs again), not that it matters. To quote Frank Lopez Jr. "Probably won't taste like the blood sweat and tears and the fear of regret and the ever elusive 3% chance I’m going to make it."

My main thing right now is music, and I play all over Atlanta and the rest of Georgia (if any venues or people with cool basements hears this and wants to book me, hello…. My name is Daniel, and I'm a pretty cool guy who's fairly easy to exploit. Feel free to reach out as I'm nearly always desperate for work) and hope to start playing more states soon. I currently don't have a band (if any cool people hear this and want to join my band, hello…), so my live shows are a mix of covers and original music done with an acoustic guitar. Folk music, punk music, indie rock, confessional songwriting, and the heaviest industrial metal/noise music you've heard since Swans. Or 100 Gecs.

But I am most proud of my recording efforts to be honest. The website Bandcamp has been a godsend. One of the only companies that fairly pays artists right now (looking at you Spotify…), Bandcamp is a place artists can upload music and charge for it and whatever. Anyways, I have 2 full albums and a 25 minute EP on Bandcamp and on my YouTube channel. I recorded many many songs and sequenced albums before this, but none of that has seen the light of day.

The first album is called Mania Machinations and it was pretty depressing to make and to listen to. But it was incredibly therapeutic to me, it felt like casting out demons. There are also a few songs I still think are really pretty, like the song Go to Bed which is about that feeling I mentioned earlier. I remember I was on a call with someone I trusted for hours and at the end they told me I should stop trying to make music because it didn't sound good. They told me I was going to end up broke and homeless and that I was pretty stupid for even attempting to do this stuff.

To me, the point has always been about expression and catharsis. And once I found a few people who my messages resonated with, then the point expanded to almost a group therapy thing. Casting out demons. So anyways, I got off that call that fateful night at 5 am and went to my room and wrote Go to Bed to try and describe all the thoughts in my stupid head. It started out bitter, but then changed and became something beautiful.

The second album is Paper Skies, and in that one I tried to adopt a character to live the life I want to live. Themes of touring, meeting people, and still not quite finding whatever it is I'm looking for. Ideas of ascending to the stars by shooting for the moon. Lots of pipe dreams and sad breakup songs. But about halfway through, the "character" starts to fall apart as imposter syndrome takes hold. In the end I go back to themes of mental health and isolation. This album is lyrically super meta and kind of pretentious, but when I wrote it, it didn't feel that way.

And my latest project is an EP called The Sighting, which I highly recommend as a starting point if you want to listen to my music. The Sighting is titled to sound like a UFO encounter. I tried to tone down some of the darker elements, and I just really like the way this one turned out. I'm a big album person, and when I write I try to sequence things right. Everything has purpose and is tied together thematically, and in this case I was thinking of the future. Of the possible end of the world or breakdown of society as we currently know it. But instead of making songs about that, I just used a post-apocalyptic setting as a backdrop for a bunch of songs that at their heart are love songs. The music videos I made I'm really proud of, especially one called Lighting in a Bottle (which was inspired by Elliott Smith's video for Coming Up Roses).

Oh, almost forgot to mention this, but if you download any of my music off Bandcamp you get access to liner notes and cool artwork. Also, exclusive to The Sighting there is a pdf that serves as a book of short stories to flesh out the post-apocalyptic world. There's a lot of recurring themes and motifs in my work, and a lot of them get explained in much further detail. Plus, they took months to write so it'd be awesome if people got to read them.

Finally, I'm currently obsessed with YouTube. On my channel I talk about music, weird media, horror, and make video essays and commentary style videos on pretty much anything I'm interested in. Every now and then I go live and play music. I think I'm funny, maybe you will too!

The music industry is so vast, I don't think I can even begin to predict how things are going to shake out, I can only speak to my little bubble. But one thing I know for certain, you'll be hearing about me and my associates more and more as the years go on. Just kidding… Or am I?

In all seriousness, I am seeing some interesting trends develop among people my age (I'm 19) {note from current me: I'm 20 now lol}. More and more bands like, I don't know, Pigeon Pit, are finding success. The Front Bottoms are getting huge. Phoebe Bridgers is a cultural icon. People like Mac Demarco are able to release music on Bandcamp and actually become millionaires. Some would have you believe music is dying, I believe there has never been a more interesting time in music. The variety, lack of extreme censorship, ability to find fans and friends without needing a record label, power to play almost anywhere, at this point all you really need is patience, drive, determination, and something to say. Everyone has something to say.

Indie rock and psychedelic rock seem to be making a comeback into the mainstream, and so does pop punk and nu-metal. Lots of genres being mashed together to create new things. 100 Gecs basically made a whole new genre super popular. An artist called Weatherday made one of the coolest albums ever only a couple years ago. Will Toledo went from recording albums in his car to playing big venues.

The world seems to be able to tell when an artist is being real, so my advice for artists that want to find lasting success would be to do whatever you want. Don't worry too much about trends, there's a place for pretty much everything and you'll have way more fun making the weird stuff you want to make instead of making something that looks or sounds exactly like whatever happens to be popular at the time. Sure, the culture shifts, but it's never boring.

That's my whole thing, at least art is never boring. I can try to approach life as an adventure instead of as a terrifying slog through hardship and pain. Whether or not I'm deluding myself doesn't really matter at that point. Perspective is like 50% of your entire outlook and attitude I've come to learn.

thanks for reading, if any blogs wanna interview me and also not be too scaredy-cat to publish it:)

[rainbowsky]

HEY RB, I have a weird ask which I’ve been thinking about for the past few days, what to do when you like the creative content of a persons blog but the rest of the stuff they post is off-putting? would you continue to follow them for the content you like or unfollow for the stuff that really puts you off?

Hi Anon,

Well, a lot depends on how off-putting it is, but in general, if I find someone's takes off-putting, it's a no-brainer. I will not follow them. In some cases I will even block them. It doesn't matter what other things they're posting that I might like.

I feel that the more we expose ourselves to things we hate the more resentful we begin to become, and it shifts not just our experience of fandom, but also our attitudes and the threshold of what we will accept/put up with from other people. It can really deepen divides and distort our perception of what the fandom is like.

If we give something real estate in our news feed we are giving it real estate in our heads - space that could be taken up with something else. Something more positive, more aligned with what we are into.

We should also consider the impression we are giving others about who we are and what we're into. If someone is liking and reblogging posts from a TERF, others are going to get the impression they, too, are a TERF or are OK with TERF attitudes, even if the content is just a pretty illustration of a puppy rolling in a field of flowers.

There's that old saying, "You are known by the company you keep." (As unfair as that might sometimes feel.)

And the thing is, steeping in things we dislike can really distort our perspective of the fandom. If we're seeing a post or two every day or even week of something we truly hate, that gives us the perception that X percentage of the fandom is like this. It can artificially inflate our perception of how prevalent those attitudes are.

Which has an impact on how we feel about the fandom, has an impact on how much joy we have, has an impact on how we start to feel about the people who have those kinds of takes.

I know, for example, that there are people out there with really offensive takes about DD's personality. In reality the people with those takes are pretty rare, but they're out there. If I followed those people I'd be seeing those takes regularly, and I'd start to think the fandom is just full of that attitude when actually it's not.

I really feel that a lot of the intolerance of other people's approaches to fandom - a lot of the inability to 'live and let live' - ironically comes from opening our experience to things we hate. Comes from people's unwillingness to curate their online experience, and cut down on their exposure to things they dislike.

They stew in a bunch of content they dislike and it makes them bitter, whereas if they just cut that out of their lives then on the rare occasion they did stumble across something like it, they'd find it much easier to scroll past, and they might not be as hateful or judgmental toward the person posting it.

When we're regularly exposed to things we dislike, we start to focus on it more, we start to think about it more, we start to hate it more.

When I talk about 'staying in our own lane', that's not just about staying out of solo spaces. It's about staying out of any space where we are not among like-minded people. Staying out of any space where negativity is bred, where conflict stews, where bitterness takes root, where our souls are shaped toward hate.

Anyway, this is just my take on it. Of course, everyone gets to pick their own approach and make their own choices about these things.

My advice to you is to listen to your body, look for any tension or discomfort. It will tell you if this is the sort of thing you want in your life. Listen to your heart. What is it telling you about how exposure to that content is changing you or changing your perspective?

You might also find my fandom survival guide helpful.

I also talked a bit about how what we focus on shapes who we become here.

[youlackconviction]

Don’t you guys keep using Loki’s trauma to justify attempted genocide

ok anon lol since you kinda referred to me as a collective i decided to gather up some responses from other 2011-2013 LOKI defenders just to demonstrate the common threads running through our opinions on this.

here's mine: justify means "to show or prove to be right or reasonable" or "declare or make righteous in the sight of god" so actually i don't think that's what we are doing? i've not seen any OG-LOKI defenders attempt to make the argument that LOKI SHOULD have turned the bifrost on jotunnheim, or that it was the responsible/correct action to take. in fact it was thor himself who tried to assert that the frost giants should be killed because it was the reasonable and fair response to the actions of the three giants who entered the vault. what we do is explain why it happened. why he made that choice. what drove him to behave in such an out of character manner and so contrary to basic ethics or morals. explaining the causes of a thing is not the same as claiming the thing was right and proper to do.

@theawkwardavenger I'm pretty sure Loki does feel guilt at what he did to Jotunheim. He grew up with an internalized racism towards Frost Giants like all other Asgardians, so naturally when he learned that he himself was a Frost Giant, his first response was well erratic. But he knows what he tried to do and it's clear that he's guilty. No one is saying that it is justified. @spacepastry Loki’s trauma is not a justification of attempted genocide and in my personal experience I have never seen anyone excusing the fact that he was trying to kill his own race. It’s very clearly shown via the (somewhat flippant) narrative that Loki is in the wrong there. Everything that happens to Loki in Thor 1 is a result of a lot of factors that have happened to him prior that we don’t see, but are very very clearly alluded to (him being neglected in favor of Thor, being othered by Asgardian society, his inability to fit into the idea of what a traditional Asgardian Male looks like, etc). This does not at all say that Loki’s trauma (tho very real and very valid) excuses his actions on Jotunheim. Everything he did came from a place of pain and anguish and a need to approve Odin. Asgardian society cherishes warriors and he was committing a very Thor-Like act (see the very beginning of the movie) in an attempt to show Odin that he is a true Asgardian and not like the ‘horrible, evil frost giants’. His trauma is not a justification, but an explanation.

@nikkoliferous again, explaining ≠ excusing. no one is saying what he did was right, we're saying it was the result of a very specific set of extenuating circumstance and is not reflective of his true nature. and we're saying that he gets treated very differently by the narrative and a lot of fans than hero-coded characters who have committed equal or greater offenses. much like Loki, the inequality and hypocrisy is the primary source of our anger. or at least it is mine. I would argue that the trauma of learning the truth about himself was the proximate cause of the attempted genocide, with his cultural conditioning and history of abuse and neglect being contributing but secondary factors. because the whole point of Thor 2011 was that Loki and Thor were intended to contrast with one another. Loki was an outlier in his culture in terms of his disposition towards unnecessary violence, bc if he hadn't been, there's no contrast. and that's central to the story being told.

@lotus-eyedindiangoddess "justify" is different from explaining anon, none of us actually said that his genocide is good actually but explaining where it came from and the real monster that created it. We keep trying to say that hey! Don't treat your kids shitty and thinking genocide is good, so that they won't go ahead and do it to prove themselves to you! Trauma is the explanation, not the justification and if you conflate the two anon, that's solely on you. and here's some more responses from some discord users who didn't provide their tumblr handles for me to link:

user1 genocide is totally great, actually. ESPECIALLY if Loki does it. it is 100% morally correct (extreme sarcasm here definitely intended) also us saying genocide is a culturally acceptable way of dealing with enemies on asgard =/= us saying it's in any way justified or morally correct. just that asgardians don' think it's terrible and another thing: jackasses like the anon above are all "aren't you the guys justifying his genocide with his trauma" and then go on like "thanos had a point, actually, best father 10/10"

user2 First, there's a difference between approving, justification, forgiveness and understanding, and they don't always come in a package. Second, I would put the attempted genocide more on the curb of his upbringing and the overall mindset than the trauma, even though it was what fueled the scale of the response. I feel like I'm gonna argue semantics at this point, but I'd say the direct cause was the fact that they were at war - a war that Thor restarted due to his recklessness. And Aesir mindset seems to be completely fine with responding with total extermination in those cases (vide: Dark Elves), so those two alone make me fully believe it wasn't an entirely surprising response. The fact that Loki of all people went for it - despite being shown as the one going for the peaceful, "let's talk this through" solution before - I put on the curb of his entire life being turned upside down a couple of hours earlier.

user3 I think you covered it nicely. All i could contribute is rage, being stunned by the ask and annoyance.

make of it what you will anon, i think it's pretty clear what fans are intending when they defend LOKI in regards to the jotunnheim genocide topic.

[outplacedwriter]

things I think frozen does very well that were forgotten by the anti-hype crowd

It is a natural occurrence that the breakthrough of a piece of media will eventually end up in its own anti-hype crowd culture. We have reached a point, long ago, in which saying that Frozen is bad or that Anna and Elsa aren't as great as the hype says became a sign of...

✨ status, intelligence, not-like-other-girls revolutionary warrior ✨

It's impossible to say "Frozen" anywhere without someone popping out of thin air to preach how they don't like it and how flawed and annoying and how X is better, because reasons.

But after Frozen II, this crowd became louder. I just can't find a single video on YT about Frozen that is not about someone dashing or overly criticizing the movie and its characters because it's cool, and different, and oh-so-clever to be one of the superior ones who weren't caught on this Disney trap.

Yet I feel like the hype made people forget *why* the world was so impacted by this story in the first place. I have my own whys, and some popular whys, here is a list of a few of them that I care to discuss.

Sympathetic Neurodivergent Character. In all fairness, Elsa might still be seen as a villain by some people -- usually because of their inability to understand nuance, analyze a text, or just self-righteous ignorance. But it is very obvious in the movie that the whole narrative and the artistic choices try to paint Elsa's struggle and personality in a positive, or at least in an understanding light. She's not the monster who people fear, who she fears, and who another story would make to be a villain. She's a traumatized child dealing with a burden too great for anyone. Let's remember that back in 2013 the talk about mental health wasn't as nearly as spread as it is today, and having a queer-coded, canonically neurodivergent Disney PrincessTM was unthinkable. Dare I say, Elsa's significance and symbology were completely green-lit by accident. Maybe the artistic force behind it was aware of that, but Disney Corporation just wanted the cute girls to sell dolls and hopefully pay itself. This is a win for the mental disable community and for the queer community that is forgotten and downplayed everywhere. After all, we are woke now!

Complex and Shattered Sibling Relationship Getting Healed. I swear to heavens if I have to hear anyone else compare these two to Lilo and Nani, and try to force them against each other like it's some kind of necessary comparison I will-... Anna and Elsa are sisters who love and care about each other. But they are in a very specific context in which their relationship is broken. This exact premise is what makes the movie excels. It was original -- as far as originally is possible or real. And such a breath of fresh air. The premise of this conflict in which the problem did not have an easy solution, was enough for a very compelling tale. It's so beautiful and wholesome to watch these young women struggle and find healing. Their undying affection and genuine love for each other make us hope so hard that they can finally find peace. I won't even touch on the matter that sibling relationships are complex and nuanced and how Frozen showing that to kids might help them to mend their own conflicts because it goes without saying. Just in the matter of narrative alone, this is a story that had to be told and should be praised again.

The Soundtrack Slapped Everyone In The Face Repeatedly. The song is good. The Broadway vibe is delicious. It's a fact.

[cookinguptales]

wwdits tarot: the devil

This is another fun card that’s largely misunderstood by people who don’t read tarot. I thought long and hard on which character should be XV. The Devil, and I had a couple very strong frontrunners. But in the end, my Devil could only be one option…

So The Devil is one of those cards that I think people assume is bad, and I mean. It is. But not necessarily in the way you’d expect. The Devil doesn’t necessarily refer to some powerful outer entity in your life who’s about to make you miserable. It’s not some evil person. The Devil is worse, in some ways, because it’s about all the worst impulses in you.

The Devil is a card that’s about choices — namely, bad ones. Imagine your shoulder angel and shoulder devil. This card is the shoulder devil. It’s the card of addictions and bad habits and self-talk that will always hold you back. It’s a card of materialism and indulgence and giving into your very worst impulses.

Put simply, it’s a card about temptation.

The Devil is about recognizing the part of you that’s tempted to fall back into patterns of behavior that feel good now, but will only hurt you in the long run. And the advice that usually comes with this card is to just tell them no.

I very seriously considered Jan for this card. She feeds on insecurities and dips her fingers into addiction. She’s very keen on power and materialism and she leads her followers down paths that will only ever hurt them.

But… again, this is not a card about a bad person, exactly. This is a card that simply encourages the bad things that are already inside of you. It encourages you to make the bad choices that you’re already tempted to make, and it makes addictions to things that hurt sound so, so sweet.

So actually, the Devil that I’ve chosen isn’t a person at all.

It’s a hat.

A cursed witch’s sphincter hat, that is.

Laszlo’s cursed witch-skin hat is an addiction that he just can’t seem to leave behind even though it has only ever brought him sorrow. It has hurt everyone and everything he has ever loved, but still he can’t seem to give it up.

And neither can Simon the Devious.

There’s certainly a sort of selfish materialism to the hat, a desperate and awful need to possess, to own, to claim, but more than that, it seems to warp even the good things in both of them to something bad.

I’ve always thought that the real tragedy of the feud between Laszlo and Simon is that they would actually be incredible friends. They get along so well. They have similar hobbies, they like the same movies, they both have a passion for home design — like, they seem to just genuinely enjoy working together and spending time in each other’s company.

And it always seems to be poisoned by that damn hat.

The two of them always seem to end up at each other’s throats, and it’s certainly because that witch’s hat is whispering to them. It’s become the bad devil on both of their shoulders. Frankly speaking, most vampires seem to give into their shoulder devil at all times — but usually that devil would at least help them!

But rather than being truly self-serving, the cursed hat only has the illusion of benefit. Like all of The Devil’s temptations, it is a misdirection from the truth — that this temporary joy will only ever lead to sorrow. The real curse on this hat seems to be the inability to let it go, even when it’s actively destroying your life.

Whether it’s an addiction to gambling, shopping, self-harm (physical or emotional), drugs, or an extremely cursed witch’s hat, The Devil is always offering instant gratification in return for your soul.

(Or, if you’re like Laszlo and you’ve already tried to sell your soul at the crossroads a few times for musical ability, The Devil can at least really fuck up your life. And keep you from enjoying the best friendship you've never had.)

Anyway. Imagery.

I do feel like there will have to be a rather radical departure from the RWS imagery here if just because for all that that sphincter still…. sphincts… the cursed hat is still a largely inanimate object.

The original RSW card shows Baphomet, or the devil, seated on an altar between two people who are enslaved to his will. They are physically chained to him, which is a symbol of being chained by addictions, bad habits, and indulgences.

I think for all that we’ll be taking the central figure (Baphomet) from the card, we can still adhere pretty closely to the rest. Instead of Baphomet seated on an altar, it will be the cursed witch-skin hat sitting on a pedestal to be admired. A pentagram still hovers above it, but it is Laszlo and Simon who are chained to its base.

I’ll leave it up to you whether they’re wearing any clothes.

wwdits tarot masterpost

[technovillain]

Whispering rock??? Personal fears???? I am looking with my eyes??? 👀????

ehehehehehe I will now share Veranda's full backstory 👍

Veranda grew up in New Zealand in a house with lots of siblings and cousins, so they always had somebody younger than them to hang out with. Their favorite activity was going to the local movie theater with their younger counterparts. They were particularly fond of American cowboy movies, tales of heroes and vigilantes.

As they got older, their siblings started to move away and start to make life choices of their own. Veranda was a felt a little left out but was always happy for them, and when they started having children of their own they were happy to hang out with them as well. This was all fine until their parents tried to pressure them to start to make life choices, because to them it seemed as if they never picked anything in their life. [Which wasn't true, it seemed obvious that they had decided to stay and help the family.] According to their parents, they had never picked what kind of job they really wanted to have, besides being some sort of cowboy vigilante, they'd never been in love or even 'picked what gender they wanted to be', since they were born ambiguous and were raised mostly gender-neutral amongst their siblings. They started to panic because they didn't feel equipped to answer any of these questions or make any of these decisions. But the pressure was still on.

Once when they were hanging with some of their nieces and nephews, the pressure of changing their life to make decisions to suit their parents hit harder than before and they panicked. They saw all the potential that these children around them still had. All of them still had so much time, there was no pressure for them. Unconsciously, they unintentionally started to create a time bubble around them and the children. The time bubble was surrounded by a shield. Veranda's intense emotional desire to stay young forever to be free of forced decisions made them awaken to their psychic powers, despite being much older than most who realize. The children within the bubble quickly became terrified and didn't know how to react to sudden psychic powers, and their inability to break through the glowing barrier that surrounded them. When Veranda realized what they were unknowingly doing, they were able to make it stop. The traumatized/frightened children made Veranda feel ashamed and they decided they were finally going to make a life choice. They had never wanted to leave their family home, but feeling a great shame for being something that the children were afraid of, and not being equipped enough on their own to understand and explain their own abilities, they left home for America, the only place that that ever been alternately appealing to them.

They had no real plans other than maybe they would be some sort of vigilante. If they had some sort of "freakish power", then maybe they could put it to good use. In America, they really liked to listen to the radio. Particularly they'd listen to police scanners nearby and would see if they could help out with any other crimes, particularly the ones that the police chose to ignore. They became a local mystery, doling out justice. Nobody really knew who they were, but they were a true hero to some, a bit of a local cryptid legend.

Realizing the reach that public radio could have, they started their own radio broadcast, looking for others with powers like them. It took a quite a while and it felt like nobody was listening at first, but eventually somebody found them. A small man with military ties who seemed to know a lot about how radios and distress signals worked. Veranda made it clear that their station was not a distress signal, but Morry didn't believe them. To him that was a distress signal, he expressed, because there was something very important he had to show them. Something that if they didn't see, they would be in distress, possibly for the rest of their life.

Morry showed them the Psychonauts. They went through debriefing and training from Truman and showed off their psychic abilities in training to be an Agent. Eventually they graduated from training and became a full fledged agent, a great addition to any team with their defensive and protective psychic specialties of Time Bubble and Shield. They were offered to be a counselor at the camp because of their good nature with children, but deep down they are still hurt by how they scared their own relative children in the past. They don't want to be a bad influence on any more children, so they decline, instead offering that Morry should get the position. 

some interesting thingz abt them is that they have a strong NZ accent and a really soothing voice, and that they're deaf in their right ear. their office space is full of cowboy memorabilia and posters. their favorite animal is donkeys :]

[crossovershipstournament]

yeah i'll give in to my lack of impulse control to infodump/spread propaganda. megapit aka megaman/pit. super smash bros is only correctly enjoyed when you think of silly dynamics with the characters after all. and then go mad when you make it deep (i did this)

both child soldiers, both have some identity problems. a robot who was meant to just be a kid who had no choice but to be transformed and fight against others of his kind, an angel who is the only one of his kind with desperation to prove himself as a hero despite his inability to fly on his own

they're besties u have to believe me. pit is like nintendo's special little fourth-wall breaking boy. seemingly aware of other games- anyways he's a big fan of megaman. and with a history of being in the infamous cartoon captain n, they are often depicted as being friendz (morally correct. best friends to lovers. you know how it is)

the fluffier aspect has megaman being kind of terrible with romantic gestures in the sense that, being a robot, can sometimes not understand social norms. he embarrasses pit with shameless acts of very sappy cliche acts of romance. and pit is SO impulsive and kind of stupid but he makes megaman smile all the same. he brings a lot of joy!!!!

a ship with a robot comes free with angst. rock (which is megaman's name lol) has your classic robot in love predicaments. he was not built to feel at that level but does it anyway. which can cause glitches and spazzes and malfunctions and it scares him!!!!! woagh. and he thinks pit is just so wonderful and deserves a REAL person to be with. sigh

an angel- pure divine life- falling in love with a synthetic mimicry doing the impossible. do you Understand. Do You See

size difference too btw. megaman is tinie

Okay so not only is this great propaganda, but as a fellow enjoyer of my own robot kid character who just wanted to be a definitely real boy and was forced to fight/be a weapon (and who also has a best friends to lovers ship with him and his own best friend), I am slowly being won over myself 👀

Also heck yeah about the Smash Bros thing; it's part of why I'm such a big fan of CPU Kerfuffle myself. There's so much fun to be had with the dynamics of that game (whether it's with the canon characters or if you're just using them as avatars for your own OCs)

Anyway, great propaganda, great art 👍

[nikethestatue]

I kinda need to vent a little and you seem like the person everyone vents to so:

I can’t have kids. Like I am physically unable to (thankfully my husband and I don’t want them anyway, but that’s beside the point).

There are days when I’m in my head..when I feel like I should want them, and since I’m already depressed about the fact that I “should” but don’t, I start feeling bad that I CAN’T. Like I’m less of a woman because my body decided that for me.

The whole reason I’m saying this is because no matter how long it’s been since ACOSF came out, there has been and will be discourse regarding Elain’s ability to procreate and whether or not that means she’s Azriel’s mate/LI/whatever. That ideology hurts real women.

It fuckin sucks that we lose ourselves in this fantastical world only to be ripped out again by people saying a FICTIONAL CHARACTER is not worthy of love because they can’t bear their FICTIONAL love interest’s child. I-? And that’s not even starting on the way the whole pregnancy was handled..we’re sticking with Elain here.

I know there’s nothing you personally can do about any of this. It’s not like you can find SJM and shake some sense into her (not that any of us would complain about that lol). Like I said you seem like the person people send stuff like this in to, so thanks for that.

So this is an interesting one, because I bitch and moan about SJM plenty, however, in this case -- the stupid pregnancy plot aside in general -- I really have a hard time with blaming her.

Yes, her fake feminism died the moment Nesta began augmenting everyone's pelvises and making them nice and stretchy for Illyrian babies. However, I think that the place where SJM wrote this from was ...positive? I think she really wanted to make sure that none of the sisters are left with the same choices and no answers as Feyre did. And I think in SJM's mind, it was another step in Nesta's 'redemption arc' that she thought of Feyre, herself AND Elain when she was playing god with her sisters' hips. Now, the whole thing is ridiculous of course. But SJM did the best she could with the wording of that conversation between Nesta and Feyre. So not to give away her precious endgame couple, SJM still had Nesta say 'so NONE of us have to go through this again'. She could've said 'so you and I never have to go through that...' ir 'the two of us...' But she said 'none' which implies Elain is included. Now, the ethical ramifications of whether someone's body should be changed against their will, or at least without their consent, I think are lost on SJM. But I think that she left all of it open ended, and a choice.

Fertility and childbearing are complex issues. Personal and societal. Whether you want, you can't, you don't want, you planned, you didn't plan, etc. it's an issue wrought with both sorrow and pain.

The problem is that SJM decided to switch the direction of her writing mid-series --went from YA, geared towards younger audience, where sword fighting is a lot more important than baby making (hence no one except Yrene had children there on page), to NA, which should be geared towards a more mature audience. Or at least an audience which wouldn't take the issue of fertility so lightly and flippantly. Yet unfortunately, the switch wasn't done well. So now, we are stuck with 13 year old TikTok pontificators who think that they know something about something. And they amplify their own noise, talking about something which I don't think SJM ever meant to be talked about. I certainly would never think that she'd write a storyline where a woman is rejected by her potential lover over her inability to have potential children.

a. I don't think that's what she was hinting at at all

b. And while she is definitely very much an author where HEA means happy coupling with offspring, she did create quite a number of couples where children were not their HEA at all.

it's frustrating that so much animosity and sometimes real pain has been generated over a stupid ship that doesn't even exist.

[vibekei]

public diary entry essentially, unorganized + unedited thoughts on solanin and the worst person in the world, possibly interesting(?)

hmmm... sometimes i feel less like a human person and more like a floating head designed to gather as much information as possible or to train in as many different disciplines as it can, and find myself frustrated at my inability to do this with the limitations of being a body in a society where my ideal jack-of-all-trades life learning and reskilling into different fields, careers, hobbies and "side-hustles" looks irresponsible and unfocused on a cv, and as such isn't fully viable as a path unless i record it and hit the big time as a youtuber (not happening, but i would probably try were i not allergic to the idea of being a public figure in any real sense)

i recently read solanin and really loved it, much more than i did punpun, though i do think punpun won me over by the end (despite not particularly enjoying the process of reading it as i was doing so, there were quite a few stretches i found overlong, overbearing, and exhausting - which is, like, the point, but whatever. i would probably have a better time on a revisit but i have other things to get through) and is the better/more realized work of the two; the short, intimate, and personally (to me) timely qualities of solanin make it my preferred work, and the one i would actually recommend to other people. (unrelated and a long shot, but if anyone reading this has read dead dead demon's dededede destruction and knows if it's worth reading b4 it gets adapted lmk ok...)

i keep thinking about the epilogue chapter, the one written in 2017, eleven years after solanin's original end, where we get a brief glimpse into meiko's life as a 30-something. [mild spoilers] starting, finishing, and continuing chapters and sub stories of her own narrative, she's still floating much in the same way she was in her early 20s, having once again just quit her job for a new work-from-home career in a totally new field. it's easy to see her as being unfocused, or uncommitted, but she's not; she's grounded by her partner, her pregnancy, and her ability to recognise herself for what she is- someone who will never be able to sit still. she understands herself in relation to the world around her, and she understands that she doesn't quite fit into the expected, rigid norms of japanese work culture, but continues to make the choices she does about her life with full confidence in herself. she does this while paying respect to the people she once was, still is, and never will be again - seeing the band she was briefly essential to play live. and they see her too, they recognise her for who she is, and they acknowledge her. it's a really great ending to the manga, and reminded me a lot of the worst person in the world, which i watched a couple months back (and also loved, for many of the same reasons i loved solanin).

the worst person in the world is a very good movie. it's another story about a young woman fumbling her way through jobs and aspirations and relationships, passing through her twenties without quite landing on who she's "supposed to be", realising that maybe that concept isn't quite for her (or, perhaps, anyone) in the first place. it's also the only joachim trier film i've seen (apologies to oslo trilogy fans. i know, i started from the end - so did everyone else).

i do, once again, keep thinking about its ending. the very final scene of the movie, with julie beginning a career in photography after many other ventures into other fields. i think about when she glances out the window and sees her ex with another woman, pushing a baby stroller, and smiles. i think about all the people we are and could be and how nobody can sit still and everyone is changing, the lives we think we want now are not the lives we will want or have later. she smiles and she acknowledges it, in herself and in him and by extension everyone else. i have more to say but i'm getting bored of writing. i like frances ha too, for the record.

[sapphos-catpanions]

another one from shape shifter. it takes a lot to share these difficult truths. some choice quotes:

“I grew up in predominantly Muslim country in Eastern Europe. From the youngest years of my life, I was ‘gender non-conforming,’ and even before I hit puberty I knew I wasn’t like the other boys. But as I got older, I realized that my sexuality and desire to present myself the way I felt most comfortable was not accepted by the society I had been born into. I was rejected both at school and in the home. Bullied by peers, and treated as a burden by my family for my femininity.”

“Slowly but surely, I began to hate everything about myself. My “feminine” body and mannerisms were a burden, as was my sexuality. Still, all I could focus on was improving my English with the dream I could leave my country and move to the West.

“When I was 20-years-old, that dream became a reality. I moved to the United States to begin graduate school, and for a moment breathed the fresh air of a liberation I’d never before known. I was finally able to grow out my hair and dress in the manner I preferred, and I could be openly gay without fear of persecution.

“But that moment was tragically brief. 

“A question from a well-meaning classmate would put the breaks to the freedom I was enjoying.

“What are your pronouns?” 

“I was confused, uninitiated. I’d never been exposed to the concepts present in contemporary gender ideology before, and began to research into it like any curious person would. Little did I know at the time, every page I scrolled through and concept I learned was tugging me farther and farther away from the liberation I had just barely begun to enjoy.

“Faced with an avalanche of testaments to affirmationand validation, I began to convince myself I was a “straight woman” trapped in a man’s body. After the life I had lived, wrought with such repression and condemnation, it almost made sense.

“It explained everything, in fact. The reasons why I never fit in or felt comfortable with my body suddenly became crystal clear. The logic behind it also promised an escape, something I had been desperately searching for my whole life. 

“I could be free from the homosexuality that I had been shamed for since my earliest years. I could be free from being a “feminine” man. I could be a heterosexual woman. Then I could be accepted, find love, and live a normal life.”

after estrogen, FFS, and breast implants:

“While my dating pool initially increased, I was told by members of my transgender community that men who were comfortable with my penis were “tranny chasers” who didn’t see me as a real woman. This, coupled with the fact these men often didn’t want anything to do with me out of the bedroom, made me feel like I would never find true love until I had completed all of the surgeries associated with transitioning. My mental health began to deteriorate, and I decided that I needed bottom surgery in order to feel happy.

“I ended up getting two letters from mental health professionals at Fenway Health stating that I had gender identity disorder and that I was a good candidate for sex reassignment surgery. At no point was I asked about my childhood trauma, the repression of my sexuality in my home country, or even whether I had any co-morbid mental health concerns. They assumed that my depression and anxiety issues were due to gender identity disorder, and that radical medical intervention would be the solution.

“I had my surgery in 2015, and my life has been a living hell since then.”

he describes his four surgeries, his inability to maintain “depth” of his neo vagina despite following the dilation instructions, the recto-“vaginal” fistula, the painful urination, the shaving down of his pelvic bone to try to make enough space for a pouch, the same abuse from healthcare providers we are used to seeing, who have been following developments in trans healthcare.

“It was then that I realized no one had known what they were doing. Everything was experimental. All of it was being made up as they went along — and I was nothing more than a guinea pig.

“I later discovered the surgeon, Dr. Salgado, who had done my last three revisions was let go from the University of Miami for taking pictures of his patients while they were under anesthesia and posting them to Instagram.”

this would be the same Dr. Salgado from I Am Jazz.

“I realize now that in my search for freedom… I have mutilated myself.

“I lost my perfectly healthy genitals. I lost my 20s. I lost family and friends. I lost my chance at a comfortable, fulfilling sex life. 

“My insurance, however, has paid out over $250,000 to surgeons and hospitals for the various hack-jobs that had been performed on my body. Everyone made out like a bandit, yet I had nothing to show for it. Not one of the surgeons who lined their pockets off of my trauma has ever called to check up on me, ask about my quality of life, or see if I was still alive.”

“I realized hormone treatments were not even FDA approved for treatment of gender dysphoria. That there were no studies proving that hormone replacement therapy was safe in the long run. And, just as I had thought, all of the surgeries were experimental.

“But more than anything else, I realized I was not a “woman.” I was a gay man who had been sold a lie.

“After everything I have been through. I realize medical transition destroyed my mental and physical health, and lowered my quality of life substantially. 

“At 31-years-old, I have osteoporosis and scoliosis from the impact of hormone replacement therapy. In fact, my testosterone was so low that in January I began taking it to improve my bone density. My T-levels increasing resulted in a slew of extreme emotions towards my transition. It was as though a part of my brain that had been dormant was activated, and I was suddenly wrought with the full depth of the realization that I had made a mistake I could never take back.

“I was at my breaking point, and experienced suicidal ideations. Entering therapy helped me realize I had heavy childhood trauma that should have been addressed prior to ever allowing me to proceed with an irreversible medical intervention. I discovered I had borderline personality disorder as well as body dysmorphia, and no matter how far I took my surgical modifications, I would have never felt “at home” in my body.

“Since I have come out as a detransitioner, I have spoken to so many people like me whose stories are important and deserve to be heard. In fact, I believe the detransitioner community will be growing exponentially in the coming years. It is tragic to think about the parents who will one day realize they ruined their child’s body by jumping to “affirm” how they perceived themselves at one moment in time — kids who may have just been gay or gender-nonconforming like myself.

“I have also met criticism from those who still subscribe to gender ideology who claim that me speaking on my experiences will take away “life saving” care from trans people. 

“But I got that care. And where is my life?

“Sometimes I feel like I am in a nightmare I will wake up from. My eyes will open and I will have my original body and have my whole life ahead of me to make decisions. Since beginning testosterone, I also sometimes get ‘phantom penis’ symptoms which are extremely traumatic. 

“Medical detransitioning is even more experimental than medical transitioning, but I am not rushing into anything anymore. One thing for sure, I will never again identify as transgender woman — a label that not only endorses questionable medical experimentation, but also has a negative impact on the rights and dignity of females.

“My idea of freedom is different now than it was those years ago, but the challenges are, ironically, the same.

“In addition to the criticism from those who champion gender ideology, I also get flak for having long hair and nails but identifying as a man. Yet again I am being criticized for not fitting certain rigid definitions of masculinity — the very thing that set me down this path in the first place. 

“But I am done trying to ‘correct’ myself to please others. 

“I am done shifting shapes.”