#and no further acknowledgement of that trauma and safety issue

[jamietarttsdaddyissues]

Okay I’m going to say this and I’m going to say this once.

I do not like how the relationship with Jamie’s father was handled in season 3.

If they wanted to go the route of forgiveness they absolutely could have. If they wanted to go the route of his dad going to rehab they absolutely could have. Those are not inherently wrong or bad. It’s a show about forgiveness and I get that. It’s a comedy and Jamie is not the main character - I get that too.

My issue is this: the show went out of its way on multiple occasions to show just how violent and abusive James is. Just to give a few examples:

Repeated physical abuse

Repeated verbal abuse

Planning, funding, and likely pressuring the sexual abuse of his 14 year old son (a minor and below the age of consent in both The Netherlands and the UK regardless of the age of the girl in the red light district)

The willingness to beat Coach Beard (basically a stranger to him) with a metal pipe in a 3 to 1 fight in a back alley which could have realistically resulted in his death (and calling Beard “son” right before the final blow)

Jamie literally gave up his dream - a job as a professional footballer on a top hometown team - to leave the country on a trashy reality show just to get away from his father. The show traced a large portion of Jamie’s issues back to his relationship with his father. Not all of course - but that was a big theme of his growth and development.

So even if we entertain the notion that this stint in rehab was successful and James is sober - that’s great. That’s a storyline I wouldn’t mind hearing - IF we had the appropriate time to show it. But the thing is, we didn’t. This season was disjointed and rushed in many ways - and I’m not complaining - I still loved it. But if they’re going to tackle a topic this serious, they need to do it right. They need to be clear that alcohol was not the only problem James had and that sobriety does not absolve you of accountability. As important as it is to portray the message that all human beings can change, including addicts, it is equally as important to show the serious work that addicts in recovery put in to address the hurt that they caused through their addiction. It is not easy work to battle addiction and to mend relationships - sometimes part of recovery is accepting that you can’t mend things with everyone you’ve hurt and that is the right of the victim to decide how they feel.

We were shown none of this. What we got instead was:

A speech from Jamie’s mom about how he is still amazing despite his dad while still somehow crediting Jamie’s talent to his dad’s abuse

Ted telling Jamie to forgive his dad as he’s mid-panic about his safety and his dad’s location

Ted making a point to say the forgiveness was for Jamie’s sake, not for James - which was ALMOST good until they ruined it

Denbo and Bug suddenly supportive despite being just as violent as James in 2x09

James suddenly in rehab for 0.2 seconds

Jamie reaching out to his dad via text despite having no idea his dad is in rehab - something that is realistically compromising his physical and emotional safety

A quick clip of Jamie bonding with his father before the season/series ends for good

The reason I connected with Jamie so intensely from season 1 was the shared experience of abuse from my father. I want to be clear that I know I’m projecting - that’s what fandom is - and I in no way expected the show to end exactly as I wanted. However, this is what I would have liked to see as 1) an abuse survivor 2) a licensed therapist and 3) a person:

The message that you can heal without forgiving those who hurt you OR that you can forgive them and still not allow them back into your life (ESPECIALLY if it compromises your safety)

The message that sometimes people don’t change for the better and you can grieve that relationship while still fostering healthier ones elsewhere.

An emphasis on support systems and chosen family when someone doesn’t have the reality of a parent or partner getting better (we saw this with Bex seeking out Rebecca and Rupert’s assistant)

Instead of Man City suddenly cheering for Jamie, which felt insanely unrealistic, having the cheers of Richmond fans drown out the boos and verbal assaults of the Man City crowd - further emphasizing that despite the pain he has attached to Man City and his father, he has a home with Richmond.

So to wrap up this very long rant, I feel very disheartened by this part of the season. I still love Ted Lasso and always will - there were so many parts of this season I absolutely adored and wouldn’t trade for anything - but I feel that they dropped the ball on this one. Most people don’t get to repair relationships with abusive parents. Is it possible? Of course. Is it important to depict that it can happen? Absolutely. It’s a show about forgiveness. But they didn’t need to do it like this for Jamie’s storyline. They could have kept the speech about forgiving James for Jamie’s sake and deleted all of the rehab/texting afterwards. I still wouldn’t have been thrilled but it would have made more sense to me in context of the show. And it would have meant a lot more to me as someone who’s father is unlikely to ever stop being a risk to my safety.

This just felt bad. Jamie Tartt had one of the best arcs I’ve ever seen in media and he deserved better than that.

[reimeichan]

Helping Alters with Persecutory Behavior

Persecutors are a part of the system, whether you like it or not. Trying to pretend otherwise very often results in people getting hurt and the persecutor acting out anyways. Even non-persecutors may engage in actions that are harmful or destructive. So how do you help an alter who displays persecutory behavior?

This post got pretty long, so I'm putting the things under a read more.

1. Be respectful

All alters and parts of yourself deserve respect. Respect is not bending over backwards and being nice at all moments to them, nor is it believing everything they say no matter what. Respect is merely acknowledging they have a right to exist alongside you, and with that right to existence means a right to have their own thoughts and feelings and emotions, should they have any. You don't have to agree with everything. But you should not demean or belittle them simply for existing.

2. But also, be firm

Many persecutors and alters with persecutory behavior do not understand how their behavior hurts others or even how their behavior hurts themselves. To protect yourself from further harm, it's important to stay firm with them and establish rules, guidelines, and boundaries with them.

3. Try to understand why they behave the way they do

This is a tricky one. Oftentimes, persecutors don't fully understand why they act and think the way they do. Many may even argue that they simply "enjoy hurting others" or something to that effect. Always try to dig deeper. Are they bored? Is it some form of maladaptive behavior or a trauma response? Do they not know any other way to communicate? Sometimes the alter or part may not even know the answer(s) themselves and it's important to try to explore these questions with the alter.

4. Do not force engagement with the alter, but do acknowledge their existence

This ties back into point #1 a little bit. Persecutory alters often aren't team players and don't do well being forced into doing things with other alters. However, the answer is not to ignore them in these cases, but to simply let them be. If they wish to retreat further into the headspace, let them. If they wish to be left alone but continue to be co-conscious, you can try to engage in activities they may find interesting to show that you care about them. By acknowledging their existence but also respecting their own boundaries, you are helping to establish trust between the two of you.

5. Help find healthier coping strategies and redirect unhealthy behaviors

Many alters with persecutory behavior act the way they do because they don't know how else to express their thoughts and emotions. You can help them be heard by finding ways for them to communicate in less destructive ways. If the issue is less about communication and more about coping, you can widen their coping toolbox by introducing new coping methods and strategies.

6. Be willing to listen, but don't force them to open up.

Alters will open up when they’re ready to. Trying to force persecutory alters to speak up often results in them feeling hurt, scared, frustrated, or distrustful. Establish a sense of safety by showing you are non-judgmental of their thoughts and feelings, and eventually they may open up in their own time.

7. Meet them where they're at

Not all persecutors are the same. Some like a challenge and are more willing to communicate through yelling and argument. Some would prefer for you to poke and prod as much as possible before they finally open up. Some don't want to be seen as if they're hurting or traumatized. Whatever the case may be, take any of the above as guidelines for helping persecutory parts and not as hard and fast rules.

8. Don't forget to take care of yourself

Above all else, take care of your own needs. If you're not in a situation to be able to handle a persecutor or an alter with persecutory behavior, then don't do it. If you feel tired or burnt out, take time to recuperate. Helping the other alters in your system takes time and effort. Growth and recovery don't happen overnight, after all.

[dragynkeep]

Why do you think it would've made sense for freezerburn to become canon?

i think they've just had more of an interesting dynamic together, complete with moments where they actually seem to have these in depth talks that we're begging for from the show itself.

weiss is a major part of yang's healing journey when they finally reunite, weiss is also the only one that yang doesn't blame for leaving her because that's not what weiss did & she can acknowledge that. when we finally get their reunification in v5, it's chock full of romantic tropes including "rescuing the princess", "meeting the family", "hand touch to calm your lover down" & the entire scene of raven & yang has weiss as a consistent there to keep her grounded.

even when ruby, yang's own sister, doesn't know how to handle yang's trauma & upset surrounding beacon & blake: weiss does. weiss allows her a space to vent out her feelings before reminding yang that she is there for her.

& it doesn't go just one way, yang is also the only person weiss opens up to about her family history before they go to atlas. yang was also pretty much the only one willing to go toe to toe with weiss on her behaviours that weren't acceptable without having to put her own identity on the line: yang stood up to weiss's overbearing nature in the earlier volumes because she could.

the communication between these two has always been top notch, especially since they were chosen as the doubles for the beacon tournament & even after the vytal festival when blake, yang's supposed love interest, doubts yang & believes that she would be capable of brutally maiming someone: weiss doesn't. weiss immediately gets on blake for even entertaining the idea & that loyalty never wavers in the show, as well as vice versa.

there have been other things like their romantic coded playful bickering in regards to the dance, yang & weiss always seeming to gravitate towards one another whenever they're in a scene together & other things in their designs as well as yellow / blue / white just being the perfect colour scheme. yang's original colour scheme also featured blue instead of purple.

even when you contrast the songs of this ship vs the "canon" ship: looking at "home" vs "all that matters" or even "worthy" in the most recent volume, the tones are completely different.

home plays when yang & weiss reunite & weiss's knight, the protector in a time of great stress, practically floats away because she knows that she's safe with yang. the song itself talks about feeling safety in the other person, finding that feeling of home & security, of not having to wonder or worry about what will happen next.

conversely: all that matters is a song of a traumatized person abandoning their boundaries so the person they cared for won't further harm them emotionally. it's laying down all her self respect & care just so she can try & cling onto them. even the follow up of "worthy" only seems to double down on this in now both of them, that have been so conversely toxic with each other in this relationship versus with other people, are now "worthy" of this love which is such a damaging viewpoint to take.

so yeah, all in all i think freezerburn thrives because it's not written consciously as a canon relationship with romantic undertones, but they are there nonetheless & they're more convincing than whatever we got for the main ship. which only seems to echo what miles has said in a recent cameo where they find writing romance "hard" which. sounds like a skill issue to me lmao.

[sweetpeathecat]

Good Ending for Lego Sun Wukong

- at the end of the show, Sun Wukong gains enlightenment and becomes a Buddha.(like in the novel but I don’t know his status in the show)

- basically it’s revealed that train Xiaotian/MK was his final trial/make up test. The Buddha/Bodhisattva Guam Yin saw how broken he was post -JTTW and also saw that he didn’t revert back to his pre-JTTW self. He is clearly trying to good but need help to further cultivate himself.

- Xiaotian is basically an embodiment of all SWK’s good traits(still his own person but you get what I mean). It like a mix of “healing you inner child”, get SWK to socialize with others again, getting him to grow though mentoring another person, deal with all his flaws and trauma.

- so when Xiaotian is fully trained, has come into his own and SWK has resolved most of not all his remaining issues, Guan Yin comes to get him. The bodhisattva tell him that all his efforts will not be in vain. How proud of him they are. SWK doesn’t believe them at first due his self esteem issues but after using his golden vision, he knows for sure they are telling the truth. He cry tear of joy on Guan Yin’s shoulder for a while.

- Flowers Fruit Mountain becomes a nature reserve/protect land. SWK is the legal owner/protector of the mountain. This is relevant to both heaven and earth’s laws. FFM is safe and protected.

- SWK has reconciled with the Monkie Kid crew. They all see him as a friend/family. SWK has reconciled with the Demon Bull Family. DBK and him never have the same relationship(pre-JTTW) but they make amends and rebuild a new relationship. Red Son and PIF are cool with him. When Red Son first acknowledged him as his uncle(in law) SWK was over the moon with joy.

- The Six Eared Macaque and him come to an understanding. Macaque finally respect SWK’s boundaries and actually apologizes to SWK. Macaque is slowly learning to be his own person and take accountability for his actions. They are not close but on good terms now.

-when the Monkie Kid crew find out, they tore him a “congratulations/going away” party. It’s bittersweet. There is a whole lot of cry and hugging. MK has mixed feelings about all this. He IS happy for his mentor but it cements that this chapter in his life is over. It’s a little scary know that he has go the next part of his life without his mentor as a safety net. He is worried that they wouldn’t to as close anymore. He hid this from SWK to not be a bother. the truth does come out eventually and the two have a heart to heart.

- the next day the Bodhisattva comes to get him and the Monkie Kid crew, Bull Family, and macaque see him off. As the two fly to Thunderclap Monastery, a slow version of the theme song plays. We get shots of what everyone is doing now. At the end we get the final version of the theme song title screen. This time Sun Wukong is watching over the monkie kid crew as The Victorious Fighting Buddha/ Buddha Victorious in Stife.

- this is how I want the show to end. But I also have ideas on what happens next. I got the idea for this ending from the Steven Universe Future ending.

[crimeboyisms]

The core of the issue of c!Wilbur's behavior in this stream, and even in streams before this one, is that c!Wilbur is self-centered. This has always been a major flaw of his, and it manifests in several different ways as shown throughout his character's development. He's self-righteous and acts on this without fully considering the consequences, he's self-destructive and doesn't consider how his actions also harm others, he's self-loathing and he doesn't realize this mindset prevents him from healing or mending his relationships. These are all effects of his mental illness, but rather than acknowledging this, he loses himself to it.

During this stream, when confronted with c!Tommy's trauma and vulnerability, his instinctual reaction was self-righteous anger. He was consumed with the need to avenge c!Tommy's past, spiraling in the idealization of him serving wrathful vengeance with no regard for the c!Tommy of the present, who no doubt at that moment needed comfort and safety. It was all about the fulfillment of his own desire for action and catharsis to reconcile with what he'd just learned, and nothing at all about providing the victim affected with what he needed.

This wouldn't necessarily be so grievous a moment if it weren't for the fact that c!Wilbur continues to pursue his need to enact divine punishment against c!Dream against c!Tommy's wishes. He blinds himself and remains willfully ignorant to c!Tommy's discomfort and places himself in the center stage of what should have been c!Tommy's closure in favor of his own whims. This escalates to such a degree that he directly harms and traumatizes c!Tommy further in his efforts to execute his plan, indulging his self-destructive nature in the pursuit of "justice" and even going so far as to threaten c!Tommy himself with his suicide. This isn't even mentioning the fact that this all occurs not long after c!Tommy confessed to his own attempted suicide. This is a running theme for c!Wilbur, he aligns himself in the spotlight of the story as the villain, the hero, and now the savior, all the while ignoring the reality of the situation and avoiding addressing anything outside himself and his self-made narrative. c!Tommy is shoved to the wayside once again, never once acknowledged or taken into consideration. This isn't meant to be a victory or a conclusion, it was never really for c!Tommy, it was for c!Wilbur.

[gracegrove]

My ex-school is being investigated by the local NPR affiliate for the domestic violence counseling class it offers to adults.

The school says it only takes participants who are married, separated, or divorcing.

The school says this class focuses on co-parenting techniques and high conflict resolution.

The school says that it doesn't allow individuals into the program who have "experienced violence six months or less prior to their intake" to the program.

The school says the course helps to protect the children in these relationships from further trauma and toxic stress.

The course is nine weeks long, in-person, and costs $950 with no available fee waivers or considerations for those with difficulty or lower income.

Allegations:

Previous participants have been mandated to this program regardless of whether they were divorcing or just living together.

Participants with active restraining orders have been mandated to this program.

Participants report being worried about their safety for these reasons when they have been mandated to be in spaces with their alleged abusers (which was why they wanted the separations in the first place).

Participants report a culture in the class of being called out or pressured to have to find "the positives" in their ex-partners and at the same time having to acknowledge flaws in themselves.

Participants acknowledged feeling traumatized by having to see (virtually) or be physically around their ex-partners.

Participants reported instances when they were left alone or unmonitored with their ex-partners whom they didn't feel safe with.

At times these mandated families had already decided that going forward only one parent would be the full-time caregiver but this course requires and teaches the ex-partners to co-parent.

The school did not mention that student trainees can take part in this program for learning opportunities. (Which is something I've heard about from fellow students). It is unclear if they ever told participants that there were student trainees involved.

Participants reported often feeling blamed for their current situation or being outright told in front of the class that their approach to situations was "wrong".

This course is not state regulated and has no oversight by any outside body.

This course is currently one of the only available classes that courts mandate divorcing or high conflict couples within the state. (Which also brings up transportation and distance issues).

What we know:

My former 2nd doctoral project committee chair used to head this program. 🤡 And then she abruptly left over the summer. I didn't even know she had left until November even though I was working with her through the summer on my project, she never said she was leaving.

There used to be a state-run course that the court would mandate people to, and that only cost $80. 🤡 But it was discontinued in 2021 because of concerns with how evidence-based the course content and outcomes were.

Even when court-involved people said that they couldn't afford this class or had concerns about being around their ex-partners, they felt they had no choice because the fear of going against the court's mandate felt like it would have higher consequences.

There have been fears that not complying could mean losing child custody.

The program is being investigated by the Boston Law School and they're not cooperating with them. 🤡

The school is not commenting. 🤡🤡🤡🤡

[bookofmirth]

At the beginning of acotar, the sisters’ relationship was well established. Feyre wasn’t coming home shocked to find Nesta a changed person, so it’s reasonable to assume that her behavior had been going on for long enough that Feyre knew exactly what to expect. It wasn’t a vendetta against feyre specifically, or anyone specifically. It’s how Nesta handled her feelings, which takes me back to my point that Nesta needed to look inward for healing, not point fingers at other people.

I addressed my comment about atoning in another ask but to clarify further - Nesta has done important, useful, helpful things when the shit hit the fan. There is no disputing that. Just to reiterate, in my opinion, the important thing moving forward is that she doesnt resort to pushing people away again (when we know she doesn’t actually want to do that!)

I don’t understand why people keep saying Nesta is 24. Or calling her a girl. That’s a whole ass adult where I come from. Nesta was around 22-23 when the series started. A lot of these issues began much earlier, when she was a teenager, but… she’s still an adult. I don’t think it does her much credit to infantilize her character in order to excuse her behavior. She can vote, and drink, and rent a car in the US. She could be married for a few years, be a parent a couple times over. (You didn’t call her a girl anon, obviously, I’m just commenting on things I’ve seen in the fandom.)

Re: Elain, that’s the difference I was referring to before. Elain doesn’t look to intentionally hurt people with her words or actions, so I wouldn’t talk about her journey in the same way I would Nesta’s. Elain has some accounting to do, which imo she is. She apologized to Feyre already and acknowledged that they should have done more to help her. Your ask actually made me wonder if that’s why she’s doing what she currently does - cooking and serving food at her home, rather than relying on servants to do it. Helping other people rebuild their gardens after the war. Either way, Elain’s story is not going to be about reconciling with how she has behaved towards other people in the way that Nesta’s was. That’s not to say she’s been perfect, but she didn’t go about trying to hurt people. Her journey is different.

Same anon from before!

I brought up Nesta's age because the way you worded "lifetime of cruelty" made it appear that Nesta hopped out of the womb ready to make people's lives difficult. I just disagreed with the argument that Nesta has led this crusade of cruelty her entire life. And pointed out her age to signify just how short her life has been.

Also, I don't think it's fair to compare a 24-year old in ACOTAR with a 24-year old raised in 2023 USA. Besides not having voting systems, Nesta was raised very differently due to the time period ACOTAR is in. Though she is 100% an adult, she is also a product of her circumstances and environment. It isn't an excuse, but rather an understanding.

I place a lot of the blame on Nesta's mom for the distance between Feyre and Nesta. Since Nesta wasn't receiving any love from her father (who was even written to be afraid of her), it's natural that she gravitated towards her mom and wanted to please her. For reasons, SJM hasn't explained yet, Feyre's mom hated Feyre and Nesta probably distanced herself from her sister so she doesn't get lumped in. Elain was probably the only "safe" sister.

Such ingrained behaviour isn't something that goes away overnight, but I think Nesta had always loved Feyre, she just wasn't used to showing it both out of fear if her mom found out and because of the distance that had already grown so large between them.

Nesta 100% moves through her world with her guards up, and it's a safety mechanism borne from her traumas and environment. But I don't think she resorts to cruelty as a first measure. Like Azriel said, he never picks a fight with her because she treats him the same as others. In that she "unflinchingly assesses" everyone she meets. For threats, weaknesses, strengths, e.t.c.

But considering how easy she befriended Amren, Gwyn, and Emerie, I think her way of interacting is largely attributed to whatever she gleans from people in her assessments. And how she communicates is receptive to those that can handle it. I remember Gwyn being delighted at Nesta saying something along the lines of "oh, your good".

Overall, I'm glad she's healing and making new bonds with people.

As for Elain, I can't remember where in the books she apologizes to Feyre? Unless you mean that she does so by her actions? I'm interested at how SJM plans on writing the dynamic between Elain and Nesta. I liked what you said in your other post, about how Elain has always put Nesta in a position to fight while she retreats to the background. I wonder if that would get fleshed out more.

Hello again!

(To clarify for everyone else, the first part of this up to "her journey is different" is my words that anon is responding to.)

I think if we were to try to compare cultures and technologies and society and such between our world and Prythian, it wouldn't come out in favor of Nesta being young/not mature. The world building in acotar is meh at best, but given the fact that they have arranged marriages and lords and such, if we were to try to put a timeline on entering adulthood in that world, it would be earlier than our own. That's impossible to quantify imo, mainly because the worldbuilding isn't really clear, I just wanted to point that out. Nesta is absolutely an adult, and she has been an adult since acotar began. She was engaged to be married in acotar, when she was 22(ish). But either way, saying she's young doesn't matter to me because age has no bearing on extending people basic respect and courtesy.

I think you have a point about Nesta and her mom! In acosf Nesta thinks every now and then about the things that her mom said to her, and things she said about Feyre and Elain. It seems like she wanted to shape them all into certain types of people who would further their ambitions as a family, and never took into account who any of the sisters are. They were all treated with the same sort of pragmatic eye, considering how they were useful, rather than what would make them happy. And by all accounts, their father was too busy making (and losing) fortunes to do anything about it, if he noticed. I assume we will hear more about her when it comes time for Elain's story, and I think that will be included in Nesta and Elain's reconciliation.

And how she communicates is receptive to those that can handle it.

I get what you're saying here because Gwyn, Emerie, and Amren definitely approach Nesta differently than some other characters. I don't think there is anything wrong with people saying "no thanks" when encountering her behavior, though. Perhaps that's not something we need to disagree about! Because perhaps Nesta is just not meant for everyone. She notes that she doesn't have the easy way of socializing with and smiling at people as Mor (I can't remember the exact quote) and I think there's nothing wrong with that. I just don't think it makes a lot of sense to say that one way of being is more or less right (when comparing the way that Nesta and Mor interact with other characters) when it's just part of who they are.

Re: Elain, I can't remember if she said the word sorry, but I know that she says that she and Nesta should have done more when they were at the cabin. I do think that her actions are a reflection of that as well. She's a high lady's sister, she could sit on her ass all day the way she used to, but she's not. She's out helping people and doing housework that she never would have done in acotar.

My hot take about Elain is that while she is genuinely kind, sometimes that kindness is a shield to keep people from looking too close or asking too much of her, and now it's biting her in the ass because no one is looking or allowing her to do much of anything.

[muutos]

𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐝: 🤝 , 💀 , 🧱  𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬

[   🤝     ] how does your muse approach intimacy? are they hesitant, or do they like it? what types of intimacy do they like and dislike? (ex. physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, etc.)

they’re hesitant, to say the least. at first, anyway. copia was actually victim to people intentionally withholding intimacy from him, or otherwise using it to manipulate him. his first experience with sensual/romantic intimacy (kissing, maybe some heavy petting) stemmed from a vulnerability to be accepted & the fear of not being worthy of affection in that way. it turned out the sister had been coerced and had approached him because she was dared to. he was teased & bullied and such, not to mention imperator’s emotional manipulation. i imagine him accepting intimacy is hard in a sense, because he’s worried it will blow up in his face. i think ultimately though he’s avoided it. i may even go so far as to say his sexual experience for example is pretty scarce... but i’m still mulling over this, at present. of course it would be verse dependent, also.. but his hesitance will not change unless he’s comfortable. if he trusts you enough to let you in, he’s going to let you give this intimacy to him because it feels like relief to finally feel safety in it. safety’s ability to live in intimacy is something he needs to discover more. i think he would be the type to wanna let go of the control. he likes sexual intimacy sure, but his favourites are the physical/emotional. he likes to feel enveloped, and cared for. he wants to feel how he never did growing up i guess.

[   💀     ] has your muse gone through anything traumatic? if so, how has this trauma affected them?

whoa boy. uh, yes i think we went over some above. he went through enormous amounts of teasing, bullying... isolation, socially for the most part. like, his only friend was terzo.. & even then he felt like an outsider. he felt abandoned by his parents, he felt ashamed because he knew who his mother was yet was never acknowledged until she had something to gain from his being her son. verbal abuse/insults, emotional manipulation. one time as a teenager there was an incident where someone killed one of his ‘pet’ rats. i think generally he was just made to feel like he wasn’t worth protection, nor love even? & while he dreamed of it, he always wondered if that was for him. but he always worked very hard, and he achieved. got his title, his higher-up position. but he still wasn’t respected, especially by nihil. who he doesn’t KNOW but suspects is his dad. the trauma made him the socially awkward, hesitant & panic stricken man he was/still is. he definitely wasn’t socialized or acclimated to the real world. he very rarely as a boy/teen was outside of the property & because of that it took him a long time to adjust to certain things. i think he ran errands as a cardinal, but even then it was tense. i think most of his confidence in his early days on stage was emulating terzo & just... instincts. just letting the music and the crowd take over his body & possess him until he got the hang of it. but it makes him hesitant to seek out intimacy, it makes him distrustful of people being nice/friendly/otherwise wanting to help him... self esteem issues, and panic attacks/anxiety. fear of further abandonment, the inability to see himself as different than the man everyone mistreated. idk, he’s very unintentionally charming and wise and like, funny.. but he never truly realized that until the masses made him believe it. before he was made to think he was off-putting or weird, if you catch my drift? not to mention the fact that he was manipulated into agreeing to the killing of his only friend, & his (maybe) brothers.

[  🧱   ] how would you describe your muses’ morality? what are their core values?

uhh well he’s a devout clergyman, and has been raised and indoctrinated into this religion since he was a little boy (whenever imperator came back presumably, though i hc she left nihil long enough to have copia and brought him home). he was raised by sisters of sin, so he’s definitely in touch with his sensitivity. very much a man raised by women, in every sense. & while he’s soft towards those of that nature he’s got a sort of reserved (nervous if not standoffish) demeanour with others. most of the people around him were tormentors of his young adulthood and he’s bitter & nervous around them to be sure. however, he doesn’t ever fight back or hurl insults bc his brain could never get to it quick enough. so he has a normal sense of right & wrong like the average person, but ofc skewed to align with his beliefs. but what sticks out in his mind as heroic (what he dreamed could have been the case for him more), are those who stand up for the little guy.. or the people who help people who need it. i think he shares the church’s values closely but at the same time he’s always gonna stand up for the fair treatment of others. especially the broken misfit toys of the earth. he wants to protect now that he’s able to, just as he wants to be protected. that’s why he gets on so much with the ghouls, and he’s thoughtful of them. he wants to protect them as they’re sworn to protect him in turn. he just has a thing for human decency that swells when he sees / meets / interacts with fans and new friends. he’s not above going to certain measures to protect who he loves, but he clearly feels guilt over the emeritus brothers in my head. but at the same time he feels guilty for it subsiding, and the war between finally accepting that he’s worthy of love for who he is & between hating himself for what he’s done is raging. 

PROMPTS I’D LIKE TO RECEIVE, PART 1.    /  /    @raiighn​

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw brief mentions of panic attacks, suicidality, death, trauma and dissociation, not so brief of self harm

Hey, I am currently looking for a therapist and I am a bit afraid of therapy tbh. I have a lot of trauma and forgot a lot and guessing by my symptoms, even worse stuff than that, what I remember. Most of it goes back to my abusive childhood home. And I am afraid what will happen, when I'll work on it and maybe/hopefully remember stuff again. I am afraid I'll go back to having 4 panic attacks a day, 3 day in a row unable to sleep, flashbacks or suicidality again. I once "woke up" (from dissociation-ish) and realized, I had zero memories of the last 3 months.

(Idk I just need to write this down: the like last thing I remembered was that I started to cut myself very lightly for... the feeling of overcoming myself. My natural will to be unharmed, whatever. And then I "woke up" and was sitting on my bed and was self harming at that moment, already had bad scars and didn't cut lightly anymore.)

I don't want this to ever happen again.

It's not like I overcame any of this, but panic attacks are rare, sleep issues not that bad, flashbacks very rare and I've gotten used to my suicidality. Okay I actually stopped self harming. I am not thriving but living in a way that is... okay. And I am leaving this relative safety (at least I know what shit to expect) for therapy and I am scared.

I mean... at the end of the session you'll leave their office after 45min, no matter how shocked or dissociated etc. you are and you are forced to sit with whatever issue on your own for the next week. That sounds scary as shit. I occasionally remember stuff that I once forgot and even then, like "remember when that aunt you barely knew died?" leaves me so unable to cope for many days. What about serious memories?

I am very scared.

Hi anon,

Thank you for reaching out so I could have the opportunity to validate and acknowledge your pain: I am so sorry for your experiences, and the impact it has on your daily life.  

I want to commend you for having the self awareness to even reach out for therapy options - many people do not - and it is very understandable that the process of unpacking memories, especially ones where our body remembers, but not our minds, feels panic inducing.  I’ve talked about this before, but essentially there is such a thing as trauma amnesia, and there have been studies (one, and two) and books (one, and two) on how trauma impacts our brains, where our body remembers but our conscious minds do not.  

Now when it comes to therapy, yes, there is a chance that unpacking your feelings, experiences, and memories in a safe space with a professional who is hoping to help form a treatment plan to help you thrive - might in fact, bring up painful ones that feel new to you.  But there is also a possibility that even with treatment you may never recover these memories and it might be more imperative to navigate the physical reactions to the feelings without the memories.

My hope would be that you could further explore them in your session for a set time, and then with the help of the therapist help calm your nervous system down with enough time to discuss coping skills/tools for how to handle the remainder of the week before you go into your next session.  

However, this is a skill that can take time to develop, so whether you find something that speaks to you right away, or whether it takes months, you are commendable for even wanting to put in the effort in the first place.  I do believe with the help of a trained professional it will go much faster than if you were simply tackling this on your own, and my hope is that with the healthiest supports in place for you, you will go from surviving to thriving.

Good luck <3

- Mod Kat

[bitter-and-queer]

You do realize that Israel is still being attacked, right? They are currently fighting a war they did not start on 5 fronts while entire towns are being evacuated or destroyed. Hundreds of thousands of Israelis are homeless and displaced because of the violence. And what? You want them to stop fighting back because they're better at it than their aggressors?

Hey there, the first thing I want to say here is that I have no ill feelings toward you. This issue is deeply emotionally charged for a lot of us, myself included. I have friends there who I’m terrified for and pray for their safety.

The thing is, I actually didn’t say any of that. I said - to my mutuals- that I would no longer be unfollowing anyone who criticised the Israeli government. This is in reference to a post I made saying essentially that I would unfollow people who weren’t acknowledging the human suffering of the Israeli (and non-Israeli) victims of the Oct. 7 massacre, instead posting abt the sins of the government as if it makes up for or justifies the tragic loss of human life.

It’s really important to be aware that the Israeli military is really really powerful, and for a multitude of reasons, civilians in Gaza are in a lot of danger. Their danger does not negate the danger that Israelis are in, nor the trauma that Israelis are facing in the ongoing war, but it is just as vital to value the lives of the human beings in Gaza as it is to value the lives of the human beings in Israel. The reality is, as far as I can make out, that people in Gaza have fewer protections in place. There aren’t as many bomb shelters or ambulances or refuges as there are across the border, and unfortunately it seems that Hamas places their weapons operations in such a way as to use Palestinian civilians as a shield - probably both in the hope that they won’t be destroyed to spare the lives of the civilians and knowing that civilian death furthers their cause.

Look, I won’t pretend to know all the minutiae of war or to have the answers here. Whether or not one believes that Israel has the right to defend itself, it still will, and will no doubt refuse a ceasefire until their hostages are returned. And I honestly don’t know at what point precisely things cross the ethical line - it’s probably different from every persons perspective.

All I know is that I hope for the safety and dignity of every single human being. I hope for both Jews and Muslims to be free in the geographical area that is so incredibly important to us, and to have unity in our shared and diverging histories. I hope for a free and prosperous Palestine, and a free and prosperous Israel. I know that that in itself is a contentious position, but hey, might as well just put it all out there.

I’m not sure if you’ll read this, but I want you to know that I hear you, and I’m scared too. I have been terrified to be too obviously Jewish in public. But my position has much less to do with who’s “better” at war, and more to do with the immense human cost, one that I am grieving every day.

Anyway, those are my two cents. If you’re struggling, I’ve found a lot of comfort in my local Jewish community - I hope you have a community (of whatever variety) you can be surrounded by in this time too.

[blogsfromstef]

Lack of Emergency Shelter to Protect from Violence for Women

Hello all. Today I am exploring what shelter means for women and girls in Canada. It is not hidden that shelters in Canada are packed and are at over capacity. Women especially face gender-based discrimination and violence while experiencing homelessness and the addition of full shelters does not work in favour of them.

With years of waiting to be accepted into supportive housing, and the rate of being turned away in regular shelters leaves little option for women. This is prominent for women especially, and just in 2019, it was reported that 669 women of them along with 236 children were turned away because they were abuse victims (Schwan et al., 2021, p.15). For women trying to escape violence and abuse, many northern reserves do not even have emergency shelters for them to go to. Where can they go now? This only leads to more exposure to violence when women and their children can no longer protect themselves by searching for protection.

Even in communities where gender-based violence is acknowledged as an issue, 70% of the northern reserves have no emergency shelters to will even accept women running from the violence (Schwan et al., 2021, p.15). On top of this, there are no gender-specific emergency shelters in other provinces like Prince Edward Island. When empathizing with women in these situations, I cannot imagine feeling safe resorting to shelters that are co-ed, especially with their accompanying children. With the addition of trauma from domestic violence at the hands of a male, women will avoid those all-gender shelters. However, when scaping violence, 68% of shelters are still co-ed or for men, with only 13% of them designed for women (Schwan et al., 2021, p.14). Within The Pan-Canadian Women’s Housing & Homelessness Survey, many even shared how their type of abuse did not fall into the cookie cutter definition of ‘domestic abuse', leading them to be denied of a spot.

Reflecting on my findings, it is evident that regular shelters have not been designed to make women and children safe. Rather, it only acts as a roof to protect them from environmental dangers and hunger. Safety should be a priority, which is why an initiative like Housing First would benefit those in crisis with the proper support that initially removes the threat of violence. Eligibility is another topic that must be further discussed in Canadian shelter organizations, as denying women due to their domestic abuse and what constitutes it, should not be another barrier for them to access shelter and reach safety. Why are they called shelters if protection isn’t given?

References

Schwan, K., Vaccaro, M., Reid, L., Ali, N., & Baig, K. (2021). The Pan-Canadian Women’s Housing & Homelessness Survey. Toronto, ON: Canadian Observatory on Homelessness.

[beclynn-herondale]

I suddenly got the random burst of courage to say this. I'm a little anxious to still post it, but it's something that has bothered me a lot. So please to judge me too much lol.

I'm going to address some things about Jace but also some things about Céline that I've read.

Tw: suicide mention, self harm mention, mental health.

Everyone calls so many of Jace's reckless actions "dumbass moments" or "dumbass decisions"

This isn't me saying he doesn't make them simply put of being reckless, I just don't think they were always that.

But that bothered me, and I didn't entirely realized why. until then it hit me. It's often overlooked that Jace was actually a little suicidal in the early TMI books, or at least had suicidal ideation (and I don't say this lightly).

Suicidal ideation or being suicidal can also be not caring for your own safety, or not caring if you die. It's not always taking your own life, it can be trying to die in a way that looked like an accident or didn't seem like you taking your own life, because then it wouldn't seem like you were intentionally leaving someone behind. And I saw that in Jace. I just don't think Jace knew.

Jace I don't think wanted to live that much in early tmi, I think part of him did for the Lightwoods, but that's it. Not for himself, because he didn't love or care about himself (not actually, most of that was a joke to hide his true feelings or use as delusion to hide himself from the actual issues, and to deflect from how he actually felt ).

I don't think Jace even really realized it himself honestly. Because Nephilim don't use any mundane terms, so he probably thought it was just being a fearless Shadowhunter. I don't fully believe all of Jace's decisions were because he was so fearless, I think he believed that, but I think really he just didn't care if he lived or died (not until he met Clary, that's partly why Alec hated her at first, was because she did something Alec felt he should have been able to do, but Clary only opened Jace's eyes to what he had and what he'd miss).

Not to mention the amount of times characters mentioned he had a "death wish" or Simon even acknowledging that he always seemed to be getting himself killed. Or how about that talk in CoFA when he said he would never do it because them Clary would be disappointed in him and wouldn't want to see him in the afterlife.

Also, him pushing people away, trying to get people to hate him, getting himself hurt. Are all forms of self harm. Jace was hurting himself here.

A lot of this stems from his trauma and the abuse he endured from Valentine, mental, emotional and physical.

Now he makes them to keep the ones he loves safe, which he's getting better at being safe. It's a learning process. I don't think TDA Jace gambles as much with his life anymore. And I think he's more careful now.

———

I'm also gonna address some things people have said about Céline.

First of all, and I myself am tired of saying it, so sorry, but, Céline didn't kill herself. That's canon. And if you hate that being canon, well idk. . .

Anyway, this was a while ago, and should have probably said something then, but I like to think about this stuff. I saw someone say they felt she only cared about Stephen, and how she was terrible for killing herself when she was pregnant with Jace (I personally believe she was planning to run away, but Valentine knew and stopped her, and that's why he took Jace so early. I believe she loved him and fought for him with her last breath, cause that seems like Céline).

And I just like to say that when you're suicidal enough to actually take your life you are entirely hopeless, you have lost any hope because you just want a relief from the pain you're in, and living seems more like hell than death.

And again, she didn't but I want to say that because I'm tired big seeing people who have no business saying it, say that "suicide is selfish" or "suicide is shameful" or "did they not think about those family???" Of course they did! But that doesn't matter when you're so desperate for relief.

Calling suicide shameful or selfish only isolates suicidal people more.

Suicide is, and will always be tragic. That's it. Tragic.

And I've seen Céline called insane for preferring to be in pain, and I'd hate to break it to you, but that's called self harm. She was self harming herself. But in a way Shadowhunters did it. She wasn't insane, she was in desperate need of help, which she wouldn't get, because Nephilim are dumbasses.

these comments hurt and disgust me. And are exactly why people don't open up, don't speak up. You're literally driving them away because you're making them feel shameful, selfish, insane, crazy. You name it.

Céline was not a monster. She was not insane. She needed help, she needed love, she needed safety, she needed a hug. She was an abuse survivor dealing with PTSD.

———

Maybe this doesn't make sense, and I'm not saying I'm right about everything, and as usual I'm talking from personal experience and some things I've had to read up on from that.

It's also not the only way of self harming, or suicidal ideation and thoughts, those both actually happen on a spectrum, it's just not talked about enough. There are countless different way, and different levels.

Also, as usual this is just mostly me speaking from my perspective, and I'm not an expert, so take a lot of this with a grain of salt. But I can say as someone with personal experience this is how I acted, and how I have felt.

I don't like to see people's pain being made fun of. Or to see them called monsters when really they need help, and you calling them that is only pushing them further.

Again, Jace isn't like this anymore but I think it's overlooked how serious it actually was.

And Céline tragically never got the help or love she needed.

I just needed to get this off my chest.

[indicgal]

The Darkest Pujo- Note on the recent violence against the Hindus of Bangladesh

TW: graphic images

While we, on this side of the border, spent a joyous Dusshera and Durga Pujo, our brothers and sisters in Bangladesh spent days filled with terror.

What happened during Durga Pujo, 2021?

The trouble started from late-September when several Durga Protima (vigraha or image of Ma Durga) were vandalised by extremists in Chittagong, Dhaka and other places.

Then, the Durga pratima was prevented from being worshipped in the historic Shankhnidhi Puja Mantap. The Devi had to be worshipped on the streets and only after protests was a temporary space granted.

While further attacks on the pandals continued, Bangladeshi Hindus faced a far more vicious attack. At Comilla, a nasty rumour was spread that the Quran was desecrated in one of the pandals. Exploiting the rumour and using it as an excuse, the puja mantap at Comilla was savagely attacked with the images of the Gods being vandalised brutally. The Bangladeshi Hindu community had to guard their pandals and mantaps against such attack. The attacks were pre-planned and in some mandapas, bombs were recovered, indicating that the safety of the community was now endangered.

The worse was yet to come. The Bengali Hindus, like in 1947, were once again attacked in Naokhali. Reports indicate that at least 4 Hindus have been killed in the attack on them. One person's body was recovered from a pond in Naokhali. Several more have been injured.

The attacks are still continuing. Only yesterday, an ISKCON temple in Naokhali was attacked and the sculpture of Shri Prabhupada was disfigured.

It is worth mentioning that attacks and vandalism of Durga Mandapas are almost routine in Bangladesh during Pujo. It has been said that the Islamist extremist group, Jamaat-e-Islami are behind this violence. The Bangladesh Jamaat-e-Islami was a political party (has since been banned from contesting elections) which has the express goal of creating an Islamic state with Sharia law is implemented. The organization was responsible for the 2013 violence when more than 50 Hindu Temples were set on fire and more than a thousand Hindu businesses were torched. The leader of the organization has even asked for the expulsion of Hindus and other minorities of Bangladesh.

The worst part? The attacks on Hindus have not garnered the necessary international attention and condemnation that it should. It is unacceptable that the community is exposed to such grave danger for merely exercising their right to celebrate their festival.

While Sheikh Hasina has assured protection, the attacks continue and the PM has blamed the situation in India for the violence faced by Bangladeshi Hindus. This is an unacceptable answer and is tantamount to shirking from acknowledging the fanatic problem that Bangladesh suffers from. India's Ministry of External Affairs has expressed concerns about the violence but the appropriate action should be to notify the CAA rules and provide asylum to the community.

My heart goes out to the Bengali Hindu community has routinely suffered from religiously motivated hatred. The community has borne severe intergenerational trauma and yet, they remain firm in the worship of our Gods and Goddesses. The only fitting way in which the rest of us can help them is to acknowledge and pay attention to this burning issue.

Spread the word!

In solidarity!

May Durga protect all!

Read more at:

https://www.indiatoday.in/world/story/mob-durga-puja-pandals-vandalised-bangladesh-dhaka-1864698-2021-10-14

https://www.hindustantimes.com/world-news/bangladesh-on-edge-after-durga-puja-violence-security-tightened-101634276449027.html

https://www.thedailystar.net/news/bangladesh/news/body-recovered-pond-noakhalis-begumganj-2199616

ISKCON Bangladesh's Twitter handle: https://twitter.com/IskconBDH

Bangladesh Hindu Unity Council: https://twitter.com/UnityCouncilBD?s=20

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Hi!

I've been reading your posts about Rosalie because I love her, and I was wondering if or how you would see her healing from her past/becoming more content with her vampirism.

She doesn't seem happy with the Cullens, as you have written about, but I they provide structure and "humanity" for her. However if she didn't have Emmett as a mate/admirer, she may be able to grow and not rely on her looks in regards to her feelings of safety and control.

I would love to know what you think! I admire all your work :)

So, some thoughts on Rosalie and on Rosalie's happiness vs. staying with the Cullens.

And ooof, I think it’s a long road to recovery. Not impossible but... hard, and certainly by Twilight, Rosalie isn’t anywhere close to being there yet. It’s a bit like curing Marcus of depression, it could happen, but there’s reasons we don’t see it in canon.

Where is Rosalie in Canon and What’s Up With the Cullens?

Rosalie’s relationship to the family is complicated but I do think she’s far better off with them than she would be on her own or with another coven.

Rosalie adores her family and does view them as primarily that, a family. She’s specifically close with Carlisle, but even those like Alice she’s fond of though knows Alice isn’t all that fond of her. She has her spats with Edward but ultimately loves him and likely doesn’t realize quite how low his opinion of her really is.

However, Edward disparages her constantly, bringing up things like her rape as insults and humiliating her in front of the entire family for something she’s genuinely struggling with. Emmett notably never stands up for Rosalie, at least, not beyond “Yeah, she’s a bitch, but she’s my bitch.” And even decades later still struggles notably with the trauma of her rape, her murder, and her inhumanity.

However, as you note, the Cullens provide her human life and human structure. This is the closest Rosalie can get to truly being human, the furthest from being a demon, and she lives this life in a seemingly meaningful way for the betterment of mankind. She’s able to pursue opportunities she never could as a human and marries a man, who does love her for all his faults, that she never would have otherwise.

Rosalie, in other words, is functioning.

She could be better and accept herself, what happened to her, and truly move forward. She could also be much worse.

And that’s the trouble, she’s hit this comfortable plateau, to get beyond this she has to want to change and change must be thrust upon her.

And I don’t think Rosalie wants to change.

Rosalie and the Past

Part of Rosalie’s issue is she both clings to and romanticizes the past as well as humanity itself.

What happened to her was awful and I think part of the way she’s coped with it is imagining what might have been. It’s not even that, really, but this pleasant fantasy of the life she could have lived.

Rosalie could have been human. She could have been a human mother, had a child, she could have married a human Emmett and lived a simple, good, life.

When Rosalie talks to Bella about what she’s going to lose, what Rosalie feels so strongly about, she never truly acknowledges that this wasn’t a life Rosalie Hale was going to have.

Rosalie’s parents were social climbers, Rosalie knew that they were using her beauty and her charm to marry her into money. Royce was utterly irresistible to them, though they didn’t know what he truly was. Even had it not been Royce, I imagine Rosalie may very well have ended up with someone similar.

And if she did not, she would almost certainly have been regulated to the role of a rich man’s wife. Her children go to boarding school, she barely sees them, she has tea with ladies but is unable to interact with business or a man’s world.

That idyllic country dream with Emmett: that was never her life.

And that’s what human life is. It’s hard, it’s not fair, and so often we do not get what we want based on arbitrary circumstances we’re born into. Rosalie has painted that away.

I think to heal, Rosalie would have to admit that humanity is not what she thinks it is. It’s not this golden idea. It’s nothing bad either. It just is, it’s a different state of being that, in and of itself, could not guarantee her happiness.

Happiness is for Rosalie to grab, not for humanity to thrust upon her.

Rosalie and Her Loss of Fertility and Identity

Being infertile left a large, traumatizing, mark on Rosalie. Women (still are but especially then) were defined by their ability to bear children. To be barren or to not have children was a mark against you: you have in some manner failed as a woman.

In losing her ability to have children all of this is stripped from Rosalie. She will never be a mother, will forever be something like a girl, and she loses much of her sense of personhood in that.

And this... This might even be harder than coming to terms with her rape. This is painful. Rosalie will have to confront the deepest, most gruesome, hurts within her and take a good long look at them.

She’ll have to let go of both her fantasies, the society she came from and what it expected of her, and the hypothetical child she will never have.

Many people do not get over this and... To be honest, I don’t know how Rosalie would either. It’s not something I see her wanting to face about herself.

Perhaps, in helping to raise Renesmee, this will lessen. Except Renesmee is not her child, looks very much like a mixture of Bella and Edward. And Renesmee is also... Renesmee, she’s a very alien inhuman child who is bound to only become stranger with aid.

Perhaps, in realizing Renesmee is not what she pictured, Rosalie will be able to confront this and let her longing for a child go. She could just as easily cling to it with all of her might.

Rosalie Doesn’t Want to Change

Perhaps the most damning is that Rosalie is comfortable as of canon. She could be better, she could be worse, but she doesn’t seem to want to change. Would she want to be human? Yes. But she can’t, and she’s settled for what she has.

Bella Swan was the biggest catalyst her family has seen in a long time.

Bella forced Rosalie to confront the worst aspects of herself: all those open wounds related to her death, her vampirism, and what she lost.

Bella throws everything Rosalie ever wanted out the window without a care in the world (and somehow gets the child anyway). Bella pursues a man who is anything but human to live this empty shell of a life.

Bella is the thing that should have had Rosalie taking a deep, long, look at herself and realizing what she needs to to get better and move on.

The catalyst was there, the pieces were set, and yet Rosalie doesn’t.

Rosalie doesn’t heal because she does not wish to. Because it’s hard, it’s painful, it’s extremely unpleasant. So she interacts with this woman who is so unlike her, who doesn’t share any values with her at all, but she does not reflect upon herself.

The prime opportunity slips her by.

Okay But How Would She Heal?

I think Bella, in many ways, was her best chance. Bella was the ultimate foil for Rosalie, representing everything Rosalie would not do while still being very human. More, (at least at this point), Rosalie sees Edward and Bella find happiness in each other with inhumanity. Bella doesn’t sacrifice her humanity for this, she gladly trades it away.

And that could have been enough for Rosalie to realize that, perhaps, she is not damned. Perhaps, she too, can find peace and happiness with who and what she is.

Well, that ship sailed.

Her next options are much harder.

The Cullens fall apart or Renesmee leaves on a journey of self discovery.

In the first case, Rosalie’s crutch of humanity is gone, the family is gone. This will be devestating for all involved but especially her. She’ll have to reevaluate her entire life, who she is, and what she wants to do. She could heal from this. She could also become very codependent on Emmett. It could go either way.

As for Renesmee leaving, if this is before the family split, that will be a huge blow to Rosalie. It’s Renesmee as Bella 2.0, rejecting everything Rosalie believes in, the Cullen family and way of life, because it’s not enough for her. Rosalie will have to reflect on her relationship with Renesmee, with the family at large, and with vampirism in search for answers. This will be painful but could be a healing process for her.

But I don’t think the road to Rosalie’s recovery will be a pleasant one. If it was pleasant, she’d be further along than we see her in canon.

[faelapis]

Why do you think so many people say thst She ra it's what Steven universe should have been? They have very different narratives even though thry deal with similar topics, which onw you prefere and why?

well, like i’ve said before, i think she-ra is a very typical show in the sense that it hits the beats you’re expecting in emotion-driven action/melodrama, but with the Gays (tm)... and that’s kinda what a lot of people want. it’s marvel-esque with more feels. it’s not for me, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting to tell a traditional story.

steven universe is much more experimental and, as i’ve said before, sublime. its world is much bigger, in the meta sense. it wants to “challenge” more than it wants to “satisfy”. it wants to showcase a sprawling world and the characters’ feelings within the given scenarios more than it wants to “solve” those feelings in a Moral Of The Story moment. it wants to leave you “hopeful and slightly unsettled” more than fully happy.

SU... kinda wants to break you. it ask you what you need to fix yourself more than it wants to do the work for you. it wants to destroy your heroes, not build them up as worthy of worship. it wants you to challenge your own assumptions like, all the time. it gives emotional gutpunches where you question your own morality and perspective, rather than sad moments where you feel bad because the good guys got hurt.

it’s also much more questioning of itself - here’s one character’s feelings about something, but how does it look from another perspective? what does it mean to be a good person in a world where people all think they’re doing what’s best? how can you help others without romanticizing yourself? how can you appreciate others in a healthy way without putting them on impossible pedestals? what are the consequences of demonizing others? why do you hate yourself? why do you love yourself? why do you want to live - for purpose or for pleasure? if it’s for purpose, is that ever healthy? can you live without it? does destroying yourself inherently bring about the destruction of others?

when i say she-ra is more traditional, it’s both in its structure (hero struggles, feels insecure, gains friends, learns to be strong, struggles in a more intense way, resolution, happy ending) and in its protagonist-morality world.

it’s not really something that challenges you. the worst people on top die, the younger and victimized baddies survive, the insecure protagonist saves the day with their friends. at no point is there a question of whether adora is capable of the same kind of cruelty as the bad guys, for instance - or, if not, why. it’s taken as a given that she’s good (if insecure), because morally speaking, it’s just not that interesting in asking questions. it mainly wants to give you the answers that make you feel comforted in your own insecure protagonist existence.

it’s also not really experimental or broad enough to make you sad about the potential of the world outside of the narrow protagonist lens we experienced, because only a handful of characters actually feel like people. everyone else and the whole conflict in she-ra are props to the ultimate climax, the emotional crux resting mainly on adora and catra. minor characters are very underdeveloped... which is pretty standard, they’re called minor for a reason. it’s not new or unique to spop.

whereas SU almost has overdeveloped minor characters, because they feel so much more real than what minor characters are usually allowed to be. that’s by intent, ie it evokes a perpetual sense of yearning to reach further than what we ever can... which everyone isn’t comfortable with. even though we see but glimpses of them, we see just enough within the sublime that we can tell they have a rich internal world of their own. they have issues. they don’t exist just in relation to the protagonist - rather, the protagonist is trying and to a certain extent doomed to fail to truly know every side of them.

that + all the main characters having a fuckton of character flaws, moral messiness and trauma that comes with the inherent implication of “this is something you need to work on your whole life, not just now” makes it more difficult to process than standard fantasy. especially when that’s below the surface, and there’s inherent uncertainty as to whether the current status quo is supposed to be good or not.

whereas when the acknowledgement of emotion is limited to the main characters, as it often is in spop, their issues can be “solved” in a way that implies happiness rather than continued growth... and that’s easier. it’s comforting for many. if you’re more on the side of wanting to validate than question yourself, then i’m not remotely surprised that some people prefer it.

i think there’s a certain “safety” within spop that you’re not gonna experience anything so harrowing as to not lead to your victory and validation. whereas with SU, those harrowing experiences are the whole point, and they don’t come with easy answers to cushion you. it often WANTS to upset and make you uncomfortable, asking why and whether it’s right. if spop is sold on protagonist happiness being what matters, SU does a lot to question the line between the personal and the systemic, and whether what makes a given protagonist happy is really what makes everyone happy.

short story: spop is more of a crowdpleaser in both morals and structure, whereas SU constantly questions - and asks YOU to question - why we have those structures and morals. if you ask who you’re supposed to root for in spop, the answer is pretty easy. it’s not always easy to answer in SU.

i predicted that some would want SU to be more like spop. but my thinking is the opposite - spop probably should exist, because safe stories should be more inclusive. but for my money’s worth, it’s also everything that i don’t want SU to be. i truly am grateful that something as weird, experimental and difficult as SU is allowed to exist... but i predict it’ll sit at a very lonely table. i think a lot of lgbt+ rep going forward is gonna be more like spop: safe in its storytelling, morality and structure, because networks and audiences alike are usually here for the crowdpleasers.

[mittensmorgul]

As Above, So Below

I’m still trying to pinpoint exactly why the focus on “heaven is fixed and actually a paradise now!” is just so deeply unsatisfying to me. And I think I need to preface this with a bit of backstory about me, because I think that gives the rest of this essay some relevant context.

I know this isn’t relevant to my main point here, but this is a metatextual and thematically identical example of the exact thing I’m gonna lay out, because context is always helpful. So please forgive this seemingly irrelevant detour, because I promise it will be relevant by the end.

(plus, would it really be an Essay By Mittens™ without at least one baffling tangent? no, it would not!)

Tangent time!

I think everyone that follows me knows how skeptical I was... or should I say how WARY I was of the way Eileen was returned to the narrative this season. We were warned in the PREVIOUS EPISODE how much Chuck was attempting to interfere in their lives. I was accused of some very nasty things, of hating the ship, or hating the character of Eileen, or of hating Sam and not wanting them to be happy. No amount of pointing at obvious warning signs in the text, no amount of yelling about Sam’s God Wound or the absolute klaxon warning that the wound had become “quiet” and his Chuck-O-Vision Nightmares had apparently stopped seemed to matter. I was declared “wrong” and told to shut up.

And then 15.09 happened, and basically everything I’d been wary of was shown to be what actually happened, but there were still unresolved issues. Eileen doubted her own feelings and walked away. She doubted what was actually real. And at the time, I said many times that I would be thrilled to see those issues resolved by the end of the season, and for her to truly know that what she’d felt growing between her and Sam was real. And by the end of the season, despite my personal horror at her previous situation (and having that personal horror compounded by the fandom literally gaslighting me and attempting to bully me into ignoring this basic actual plot detail of this specific growth process which... in the context of what my personal objection was to accepting her return at face value in the first place having been personal trauma associated with gaslighting and manipulation...) by the time 15.18 aired, I was 100% convinced that Sam and Eileen had fully chosen each other, and felt the traumatic pain Sam suffered during that text conversation with her during the snap. She NEEDED to come back, because she had been set up to be part of Sam’s Win. They were clearly each other’s future.

The show literally put in all the work to make even *me* feel this to be True and Right and Good. And then after that point we never even hear Eileen’s name again. We never were told that she was even returned at the end of 15.19. Sam, who had been so entirely devastated by her disappearance in the previous episode that he couldn’t even process it was apparently hit with an amnesia hammer and just... never even thought about her again through a long greyscale life with a blurry baby Dean factory vaguely in the background of a single scene of his life. I can’t credit or justify how after an entire year invested in making us all truly care about Sam and Eileen and the happiness they found in each other if only the cosmos would allow them to choose each other in the end would just... erase all of that in the series finale.

Which brings me to the second tangent, which is specifically about *me,* and how I feel about the cosmic order in the television show Supernatural. Because I feel a lot about it. Probably more than most people ever did. And this is also important to understanding the main underlying point I need to make here.

Something I’ve been most looking forward to, for YEARS, about Supernatural eventually ending someday was writing a book, or a thesis, or even just organizing and compiling all my observations into a cohesive narrative specifically about the cosmology of the Supernatural universe. I’ve been cobbling together my observations and realizations about the nature of heaven, hell, purgatory, the empty, the alternate universes we’ve seen, and yes, even the cosmic function of the mundane level of the story as told by events that transpired on Earth. So of everyone watching this dumb show for the last 15 years, I don’t actually know anyone who cared more that I did about finding a satisfactory resolution and transformation of every plane of existence-- the mortal world AND the “afterlife realms” we’ve experienced on this show. And in the wake of the finale, I feel cheated out of that. Because in the end, it wasn’t about the triumph of free will and a flip of the script, it was just more of the same.

And now that I have those two preliminaries out of the way, I’ll finally get to the point. :’D

(hooray, it didn’t even take 1k words to get there for once!)

The “main stage” of Supernatural has always been Earth. It’s always been “Humanity.” At the very start, we meet two men whose lives had always been dictated to them by higher powers. At first, that “higher power” was their father who raised them in his vengeance mission, who trained them to hunt the supernatural. It was the inciting incident of the entire series, after all, their realization that forces outside of their control had irrevocably altered the course of their lives. It had forever torn down what they’d trusted in family, in personal safety, and would become something they couldn’t outrun or fight back against for long before another wave of cosmic discord would settle over them once more.

We watched this story play out in ever increasing spheres of cosmic significance, until Gabriel laid it out on the table for them in the simplest possible terms (in 5.08).

GABRIEL: You do not know my family. What you guys call the apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner. That's why there's no stopping this, because this isn't about a war. It's about two brothers that loved each other and betrayed each other. You'd think you'd be able to relate. SAM: What are you talking about? GABRIEL: You sorry sons of bitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it. Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father, and Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy's plan. You were born to this, boys. It's your destiny! It was always you! As it is in heaven, so it must be on earth. One brother has to kill the other. DEAN: What the hell are you saying? GABRIEL: Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always. A long pause. SAM and DEAN look down, then at each other. DEAN: No. That's not gonna happen. GABRIEL: I'm sorry. But it is. GABRIEL sighs. GABRIEL: Guys. I wish this were a TV show. Easy answers, endings wrapped up in a bow...but this is real, and it's gonna end bloody for all of us. That's just how it's gotta be. ***

And isn’t that all even 1000x more painfully ironic that it all still happened even 10 years later? It was always going to end with them. And lol, “I wish this were a TV show” because if it was then it wouldn’t have to end bloody.

But this… was a Major Acknowledgement that the meta level of this story was consistent, and was telling us something important. It demonstrated that the Cosmic Structure Itself was the cause for Sam and Dean’s “destiny” in this story. But that’s not what the point of this story has ever been.

Nobody (including me, who is literally obsessed with this aspect of the story) has ever invested themselves in the narrative of Supernatural because they cared about the fate of the cosmic order over and above the fate of the characters who had committed to overthrowing it all, to “tearing up the pages” and writing their own destinies. I mean, we became invested because Sam, Dean, and Cas as characters took us by the hand and invited us to come along with them as they battled against fate for the good of EARTH and HUMANITY.

And certainly, Heaven being a horrific sort of eternal replay of the “highlights” of individual souls greatest hits, where free will didn’t apply as everyone was just boxed away into their individual holodecks to serve as some sort of giant Heaven Battery powering the furtherance of this narrative, this “cosmic order” that had become so powerful it dictated the events and manipulated the lives of people who still existed in the ostensible realm of free will and human life on Earth… that couldn’t stand in the end. But what the narrative (and people I’ve seen attempting to justify the finale as narratively sensible) seems to have forgotten was that all of that was Chuck’s construct to begin with. That without Chuck holding his kingdom in Heaven together, the walls of all those soul cubicles ceased to even be relevant.

After spending their entire lives to this point constantly fighting their way to the absolute pinnacle of the As Above, So Below narrative and pulling the plug on the original creator himself, Humanity should’ve triumphed. And I’d argue that it DID, through Jack restoring the missing essential “humanity” to the divine condition. And, silly me, I thought they’d achieved the promise of “paradise” heralded by Jack’s birth at last, and truly “flipped the entire script of the narrative.”

Ever since they thwarted the original apocalypse, I had hope that they would continue to achieve the same result right up the ladder. Metatron trying to fill the role of Chuck Junior hit his own narrative wall in TFW, while Dean’s battle with the Mark of Cain, and Cain telling him he was “living my life in reverse” and would succumb to destiny by killing his loved ones in the “reverse order” to Cain’s own path to downfall cemented this for me. Dean not only failed to kill any of his loved ones (you didn’t kill your own brother. why?), he SAVED them. He didn’t fulfil the prophecy in reverse, he subverted it. He UNMADE it.

Perhaps I was thinking on too grand a scale, that the ultimate inversion wouldn’t be “God is overthrown and replaced by more of the same,” but “God is overthrown and the entire order of the universe is restructured from the bottom up rather than the top down.

I’d hoped against hope that the conclusion of the narrative would be “As below, so above,” with the fundamental power of human love becoming the new foundation of the cosmic order. It never even occurred to me that “taking back the narrative to rewrite it for ourselves” was not the ultimate goal of Team Free Will, or the ultimate expression of their biggest win.

This whole “well heaven really needed to be rebuilt, there was still work to be done!” seems… irrelevant to me if they’d truly won free of the cosmic narrative. The entire structure of the universe-- including Heaven and Hell-- should’ve defaulted to the paradise state that Jack was literally born to bring to fruition. Wasn’t that the point of his entire role in the story, ultimately?

And if that wasn’t the case in the end, why did we never learn the fate of Hell? Was it just… irrelevant and unchanged after this? Or just… abandoned as a concept entirely? It’s just strange to me to put such a focus on heaven being the sole sphere of import in the end that it undercuts the essential humanity of the narrative for me.

The story itself had kept Heaven on a back burner for years, only occasionally mentioning that the structure of the place was falling further and further into disrepair with a dwindling force of angels struggling to keep the walls in place at all, that it seems like it could’ve been an afterthought at the end of the series rather than a focus so large it required the death of both main characters to make sure we all understood that Heaven Had Changed Now. Because TFW had never been fighting to make Heaven right. They’d been fighting to save the world itself, for humanity to all have a chance to live their lives as their own.

And we didn’t need to see that in the final hope they might get their own lives on Earth to explore. In the end, the fundamental narrative that Life On Earth was dictated by the cosmic structure of creation was never fully subverted. And for me, that’s the main reason I just… can’t accept the finale. It wasn’t a victory of free will and humanity, in the end it was just more of the same.

I appreciate the attempts to take the essential bones of the story we did get and apply a different polish to the surface of the skeleton, but to me it still feels like we’re looking at completely different beasts in the end. Like… to me this was as jarring a revelation as those drawing of modern animals reimagined as dinosaurs entirely based on their skeletons. Like, all along the narrative told me I was looking at a swan. They told me this skeleton they’re building out from is definitely a swan, without a doubt.  I know what a swan looks like-- a graceful feather-covered bird with magnificent wings. I trusted that in the end it would be at least remotely swan-looking. And then the finale ended up looking like this

and I just don’t even know where everything went so wrong. Or maybe all along I just assumed they actually knew what a swan looked like, but weren’t sure they could actually pull it off and settled for whatever the heck this is instead. Either way, I’m actually kinda grateful to the finale for being so entirely disappointing on every level, because otherwise I probably would’ve tried to adopt the monstrosity of it anyway. And I’m really, really glad I don’t have to.