#and not necessarily associate it with the medication working

[littlespoonevan]

always so wild to me when u can actually feel medication working like I have a really bad headcold rn and when I dragged myself up off the couch earlier to brush my teeth I Truly felt like I was going to collapse I was so weak but then I took my little cold and flu tablet and now, legit less than half an hour later, I feel almost human again???? Remarkable

[the-delta-quadrant]

most trans people who people like to call "non transitioning" actually do transition, but people don't want to acknowledge that not all transition is medical

changing your hair is transition

deciding to shave or grow your body hair is transition

doing something different with make up is transition

changing your new wardrobe is transition

changing your name is transition

changing your pronouns is transition

coming out to people is transition

even just accepting your own transness without telling anyone else is transition, as it changes how you see yourself

it's almost impossible to be trans and truly non transitioning, even if that transition might be non medical, non visible or entirely self contained

all kinds of transition are valid.

there are also things that aren't necessarily associated with transition that an individual may consider to be part of their transition, like working out to make their body look different, getting piercings and tattoos and so much more

there are so many ways of transitioning besides surgery and hormones

"non transitioning nonbinary/trans person" is just code for "i don't consider your transition to be real because it doesn't fully fit into what cis people expect"

"some parents would rather have a non transitioning trans child than one who does" like yeah no shit. a non transitioning trans child is a trans child who doesn't come out, doesn't change anything about themself. not their name, not their pronouns, not their hair or wardrobe. a non transitioning trans child is a trans child who never talks about being trans so their parents can pass them off as cis. a non transitioning trans child is a trans child that is in the closet. of course a lot of parents would rather have a trans child who stays in the closet so they don't have to deal with their transness. but you all mean "non transitioning" as in "not medically transitioning" and that's not true either. trans people get kicked out of their house for doing as little as changing their pronouns. and if you say you're doing literally anything as part of your transition/because you're trans, people will absolutely give you shit for it, while a cis person can do the same thing and it's no biggie. social transition is not accepted at all.

there are some weird trans people out there who will completely dismiss people's life saving transition steps as "non transitioning" because they don't fit cis ideas of transness, it's disgusting

when i say "transition" i'm always including medical transition and social transition, as well as anything else an individual may consider part of their transition that doesn't necessarily fit into the two boxes

also can we stop acting like social transition isn't also constantly under attack

[gunsandspaceships]

Tony was disabled and suffered from chronic pain

Tony may not have looked like a disabled person, but not all disabled people need wheelchairs, canes, or hearing aids. Some simply live in constant pain, cannot breathe properly, cannot sleep due to nightmares, or may die without medication or a medical device. All this applies to him.

Tony has suffered from many conditions, many physical and mental traumas. I will describe the most important here (in chronological order), but some things like broken bones, cuts, bruises, etc. happened to him regularly and their impact on his health is unknown.

Blast injuries

You can find details here.

This type of injury has happened to Tony many times, as explosions are not uncommon for superheroes. In his case (he's not an enhanced Homo sapiens, we remember that, right?) they were more harmful than for many others, like Thor, Hulk or Steve.

We can't say exactly how these injuries affected his health, but they couldn't disappear without a trace. What he could have been left with: damaged hearing, vision, brain damage, respiratory system and blood vessels and heart damage, damage to muscles, liver, spleen and intestines.

Shrapnel

And here comes chronic pain, and our first case of overt disability - shrapnel in Tony's chest and most likely right in the heart. Some shrapnel may have remained in other parts of his body, such as his arms and legs, but this was not mentioned in the movies.

Shrapnel can cause harm in two ways:

mechanical (cuts tissue - leads to scarring, puts pressure on nerves and blood vessels, causing pain and ischemia - reduces blood and oxygen flow to parts of the body);

chemical (metal ions can be released from the fragments and travel through the bloodstream, affecting other parts of the body). Many forms of shrapnel contain uranium, which is highly toxic and can lead to health problems, including kidney damage, liver cancer, and bone cancer. It may also cause high blood pressure, autoimmune disorders, and loss of reproductive function.

Other complications may include infections and chronic inflammation around the fragments.

In Tony's case, he received at least three unpleasant gifts from the shrapnel: chronic pain, heart damage, and the constant possibility of death if the medical device that literally keeps him alive stops working or is taken away from him.

So yes, guys, shrapnel is already enough to consider him disabled. But this is just the beginning of the list.

Arrhythmia

Here is a post entirely dedicated to Tony and his arrhythmia.

To summarize: Tony had a severe arrhythmia (most likely Sick Sinus Syndrome) that required a pacemaker and an ICD (implantable cardioverter defibrillator) powered by an arc reactor. Possible causes of this condition include the blast injury, electric damage from water torture with an electromagnet in chest, and heart damage.

This is the second case of disability and constant mortal danger for Tony - just like with the shrapnel, without the pacemaker he would have died, and even sooner than without the electromagnet that stops the shrapnel. And let's not forget the risk of sudden death associated with arrhythmias.

What Tony could experience on a daily basis due to his arrhythmia: exercise intolerance (he stopped running and surfing after Afghanistan), exhaustion, shortness of breath, chest pain, fainting (among all the Avengers, Tony lost consciousness most often), lightheadedness or dizziness, heart palpitations. Arrhythmia is a thing that usually gets worse over years.

Reactor

Hard stuff. Here you can see why.

The damage done to Tony's body in order to implant the reactor was enormous. With all things considered, it is not necessarily a deadly trauma, but certainly a debilitating one.

This case is the third obvious disability and the main source of chronic pain that Tony suffered from 2008 to 2014.

What he definitely experienced every minute of those years: pain, exhaustion and depression due to this, discomfort and pressure in the chest, difficulty breathing (for which his suits contained supplemental oxygen), limited upper body mobility and decreased muscle strength, sensitivity to ambient temperature (the metal would conduct the temperature of the environment and could become too hot or too cold. That's why he would prefer to stay in California until his surgery at the end of IM3 and not move to New York yet - because of the cold winters).

Potential complications that required Tony to constantly monitor his health included: collapsed lung, asthma, chest infections, chest trauma, thoracic lymphedema, blood clots.

He would also be prone to respiratory infections, which could easily lead to complications. For example, a common cold would most likely develop into bronchitis and/or pneumonia. That is why it is very dangerous for him to be around sick people.

The device could also pose a real danger if it encounters another strong magnet (no MRI for Tony!).

Tony always had to be on medications to help him breath (oxygen, asthma inhalers when he picks up a virus or his airway gets irritated, nebulizer treatment), antibiotics due to weakened immune system, painkillers as needed, regular beta blockers to reduce risk of arrhythmias and sudden death.

PTSD

In IM3, we were shown Tony suffering from this mental disorder. In CA:CW we also saw him using B.A.R.F. to ease his trauma over the death of his parents. This is one of the factors that makes me think he had complex PTSD since childhood, not just acute PTSD caused by the alien invasion.

The acute PTSD affected his quality of life, depriving him of sleep, causing nightmares, anxiety and panic attacks from 2012 to 2014. Although it couldn't go away just because Tony became a little more confident in himself by the end of the movie. It takes years of treatment to get rid of this condition, and the VA considers it a permanent disability.

Other things that could have long-term effects on his health:

Radiation (cancer, liver failure, infertility, and thickening and scarring of lung, liver, and kidney tissue)

Heavy metal poisoning (palladium is carcinogenic, may damage bone marrow, kidneys and liver)

Repeated concussions (one possible consequence is chronic traumatic encephalopathy, which often begins years or even decades after the last brain injury)

Use of B.A.R.F. (could be the cause of the migraine he experienced at the beginning of CA:CW)

Left arm/shoulder injury

Penetrating trauma (it is unknown whether Carol actually brought Tony the Xorrian elixir to cure him as she promised)

Conclusion: before the attack that changed his life forever, Tony was a healthy, strong man who ran canyons and surfed. Thanks to his health and high exercise tolerance, he was able to survive many serious and even critical injuries. However, he was not an enhanced super soldier, and the injuries that did not kill him left him physically weaker and with disabilities that could not help but affect his well-being. He became immunocompromised, could no longer endure strenuous exercise without his high-tech prosthesis, take a proper deep breath. He also became smaller due to loss of muscle mass (compare IM1 and IM3).

Tony also suffered from chronic pain due to the damage to his chest and the presence of shrapnel.

PTSD gives him another type of disability that affects his mental functions. Unlike the damage from the reactor and shrapnel, this damage was not fully healed in 2014 and remained with him until the end, although the symptoms subsided.

[lakesbian]

i was pondering some Thoughts about how people sometimes refer to worm as a "found family" story (& how this is sometimes mocked), how in-text alec explicitly says that the undersiders are the closest thing rachel has to family, how taylor tells them "you're my family, in a way," how the found family trope works in general, etc.

access to financial support, housing, medical care, And So On, is primarily attached to the institution of the family. the material necessities provided by membership to a nuclear family are why it's so common for people to reconcile with or keep in touch with family members they wouldn't if there was no material value attached to that relationship. the cultural prioritization of the nuclear family is how we get people offering "well, they're family" as an explanation for remaining associated with someone they wouldn't otherwise care about (or would even actively be trying to escape from, but this post is more about just Social Incompatibility in families than the outright abuse that the structure enables), with the expectation that the explanation is considered to make inherent sense.

aside from the found family trope demonstrating a lack of imagination about non-familial ways important relationships can take shape/demonstrating an inability to see relationships as truly important or deep unless they mimic the nuclear family, i think a lot of what appeals about the found family trope is a character dynamic that provides the same support, security, and undying love/depth of connection that the idealized nuclear family is purported to--and that does so as an escape from and superior replacement to the original blood family.

and what's interesting about the undersiders is that they're extremely not that. they're terrible at communicating. many of them don't get on with each other very well. they're oftentimes even actively shitty to each other: everyone but taylor towards rachel, brian towards alec (and aisha, but she's actually related to him), taylor towards alec and aisha. but there's still repeated in-text acknowledgement of a supposed familial dynamic between them! i think they're a "found family" in the sense that their group imitates the general role of the nuclear family--a small unit of people who (are supposed to) function as each other's fundamental supports in a world that, at large, does not care about any individual member, and who (are supposed to) do so regardless of any internal conflicts or lack of compatibility.

like, this is not a particularly articulate analysis of the nuclear family Whatsoever, but i don't think it's inaccurate to say that the compelling thing about the undersiders is that they are a "found family," but specifically in the sense that a lot of their dysfunctions are reminiscent of those found in typical, real-life familial bonds--people who wouldn't necessarily be getting along otherwise, or are even actively sorta bad for each other, forming very deep & intimate connections simply because they're materially forced to spend a lot of time together and have each others backs when there's no guarantee anyone else will.

for example: alec and aisha call taylor + brian 'team mom and dad' in a mocking manner not to indicate that they're kind/caring, but to indicate that they're being condescending micro-managing assholes...who aisha and alec are going to unquestionably listen to anyway, because they're a team, right? and you have to listen to your team leaders. i am onto an Observation here i think. deeply compelled by the idea of a ""found family"" where all of the similarities to an actual nuclear family are, despite being what drives the intimacy, also blatantly fucking dysfunctional

[hazeltongzhi]

Is the misconception that TCM is studied/practiced just like chiropractics and homeopathy due to the language barrier?

Partially, but there's several other factors which I think play a larger role. The most common of these is, of course, racism/sinophobia though not necessarily entirely the outright form where people dismiss it because it's Chinese or Asian or whatever (even though that does happen). Instead, I'm referring to eastern mysticism or just orientalism. Unlike in the PRC, where TCM is used as a tool to supplement western medicine and thus is subject to rigorous study, in the west, TCM is lumped in with all the other "traditional medicines" and because these forms are rarely if ever regulated or studied, it is tainted in association (that and its practicioners do not practice it in a scientific manner). This plays into the second factor that also feeds the misconceptions with TCM which is that western medical journals focus significantly more on laboratory pharmaceuticals rather than traditional medicines. This makes sense for them to do since large corporations control the vast majority of pharmaceutical output, thus if you want research money, you have to appeal to the profit motive. The lack of western literature leaves a gap that allows opportunists to swoop in and fill it with quackery. This quickly becomes a feedback loop where traditional medicines like TCM are studied less due to the association and lack of scientific investment which lets more opportunists come in to tarnish it further. When you read western journals on TCM or other herbal remedies (that actually work, mind you!), you'll often see them end with a borderline lament about how these old forms of treatment are too overlooked and understudied.

[grey-sorcery]

[TITLE]: Blood Magic: Refutation, Practices, Safety, & Alternatives

Recommended Reading

Basics of Binding Anchors Basics of Spellcasting Spell Circles Correspondences Altars: Uses & Designs Spell Logs Energy Work: Fundamentals Bias in Witchcraft

IMPORTANT:

This article discusses blood magic as well as the actions and elements associated with it such as: bloodletting, infection, self-harm, and open wounds. Readers are encouraged to approach the content with critical thinking and sensitivity. If you find such topics uncomfortable or distressing, I advise against continuing further. The information presented is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice. Should you choose to engage with blood magic, it should be done so with respect for cultural traditions and safety considerations, which will be outlined. This article is not to encourage the use of any harmful practices, only to educate.

If you find the subject to be triggering but still wish to engage with the information, the last section of this article (highlighted in blue) has a diluted list of the article without triggering content and goes over alternatives for blood magic.

Like always, an asterisk* is used as a marker for a closed or semi-closed practice.

Introduction

Blood magic involves the ritualistic use of blood as a potent symbol and conduit for connection. Central to blood magic is the belief that blood, as the essence of life and vitality, carries inherent energies that can be harnessed and directed. This doesn’t necessarily require blood to be removed from the body. In a few cultures, such as Traditional Chinese Medicine, Ayurvedic Medicine, and some indigenous practices blood is utilized from within the body as a means for healing, directing energy from the subtle body, and developing a more thorough mind-body connection.

The applications of blood magic span a spectrum of purposes, each rooted in the practitioner's intentions and the energetic resonance of blood itself. While practices vary widely across cultures and individual traditions, common themes emerge regarding the uses of blood magic. Applications such as warding, binding, divination, and energetic balancing. 

Please be sure to engage in this entire article if you are able, and do so in good faith. Blood magic, as a legitimate magical practice, has been influenced and poorly reflected by media which has resulted in a portent of misinformation and misunderstandings. The aim of this article is to eliminate misunderstandings and promote safe and ethical practices.

Uses

Blood magic is employed for several purposes, each rooted in the idea that blood is a conduit of life force and energy. Primarily, blood magic is utilized in rituals aimed at strengthening bonds. It is believed that by incorporating blood into rituals, one can forge stronger connections with ancestors, deities, or the natural world. This practice is seen in various indigenous traditions where blood offerings are made to honor and appease spirits or gods.

Moreover, blood magic is often used in rites of passage. These ceremonies, marking significant transitions in an individual's life, such as birth, maturity, marriage, and death, incorporate blood to symbolize the transformation and the continuity of life. The act of shedding blood during these rituals is seen as a potent gesture, signifying the shedding of the old self and the emergence of a new, empowered identity.

In healing practices, blood magic is employed as a method of channeling energy to promote physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Traditional healers may use blood as a medium to draw out negative influences or to invigorate the body’s natural healing processes. This practice is not about the physical use of blood per se but rather the symbolic gesture, wherein the essence of life is called upon to restore balance and harmony.

The portrayal of blood magic in popular media has often led to widespread misconceptions and fear. Frequently depicted as sinister and malevolent, blood magic is associated with dark rituals, malevolent sorcery, and nefarious intentions. Such representations overlook the cultural and spiritual significance embedded in these practices, reducing them to mere sensationalist tropes.

A prevalent misunderstanding is the belief that blood magic is inherently evil or dangerous. This notion is fueled by horror movies, novels, and sensationalist media, which often portray blood magic as the domain of malevolent witches or nefarious cults. In reality, blood magic, like many other forms of spiritual practice, is neutral in nature. Its moral alignment is determined by the intent and ethics of the practitioner. For many cultures, blood magic is a sacred practice meant to honor life, foster healing, and maintain harmony with the natural and spiritual worlds.

Another common misconception is that blood magic involves human sacrifice or self-harm. While historical accounts do exist of bloodletting practices, particularly in ancient civilizations, modern practitioners of blood magic typically engage in symbolic acts rather than literal bloodshed. These acts can include pricking a finger or using animal blood obtained from ethical sources, rather than causing significant harm.

Furthermore, the false association of blood with the empowerment of spells is a particularly egregious misrepresentation. Blood is often depicted as a supernatural catalyst that amplifies magical abilities, granting practitioners extraordinary power. This portrayal is not only inaccurate but also undermines the cultural and spiritual significance of blood magic. The following is a list of media that inaccurately portrays blood magic or has been poorly represented in subsequent media. 

"The Book of Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage" (15th century)

"The Lesser Key of Solomon" (17th century)

"The Greater Key of Solomon" (17th century)

"The Key of Solomon" (14th or 15th century)

"The Grimoire of Armadel" (17th century)

"Rosemary's Baby" (1968)

"The Craft" (1996)

"Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" (2001)

"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" (2009)

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (1997-2003)

"True Blood" (2008-2014)

"American Horror Story: Coven" (2013)

"The Magicians" (2015-2020)

“Supernatural” (2005-2020)

"Dracula" by Bram Stoker (1897)

"The Vampire Chronicles" by Anne Rice (1976 onwards)

"Harry Potter" series by J.K. Rowling (1997-2007)

"Twilight" series by Stephenie Meyer (2005-2008)

While some of these pieces of media do not directly promote the idea of literal bloodletting or the direct concept of magical strengthening through blood, their depiction and influence in later media does.

Process

The amount of blood required in blood magic rituals varies significantly depending on the specific tradition and the purpose of the ritual. Generally, only a minimal amount is used, symbolizing the essence of life rather than its physical manifestation. This minimalism underscores the principle that the power of blood magic lies not in the quantity of blood, but in the act of offering and the symbolic gesture it represents.

In most practices, a few drops of blood are deemed sufficient. This small quantity is often enough to establish the connection or achieve the desired outcome without causing harm to the practitioner. Overuse of blood is generally avoided, as it is not the volume but the act of offering that holds significance. This approach reflects a deep respect for the body and its life-giving essence, ensuring that the practice remains sustainable and safe.

Obtaining blood for these rituals must be approached with care and reverence. The method of extraction should prioritize the well-being of the practitioner or the source, emphasizing minimal harm and ethical considerations. 

Self-pricking with a sterilized needle or lancet is a common method. This technique ensures that only a small amount of blood is drawn, usually from the fingertip. The use of sterilized instruments is crucial to prevent infection and maintain hygiene. The act of self-pricking is often performed as part of a ritualistic process, with practitioners mentally preparing themselves and ensuring a clean environment.

In rare instances, some practitioners may opt for menstrual blood, which is seen as a natural and potent symbol of life and fertility. The use of menstrual blood is often considered deeply personal and is typically reserved for specific rituals related to fertility, protection, or transformation. 

In some traditions no bloodletting is required. Some of the most prominent traditions that use internal blood magic are Traditional Chinese Medicine and Ayurvedic Medicine. These traditions employ methods that emphasize the internal circulation and quality of blood as integral to health, vitality, and spiritual balance.

Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)*:

Within Traditional Chinese Medicine, blood holds a vital role alongside Qi (life energy) as one of the body's fundamental substances. Blood, known as "Xue," is considered essential for nourishing the organs and tissues, promoting growth, and maintaining overall vitality. Unlike external applications or rituals involving blood, TCM focuses on cultivating and balancing the body's internal blood through herbal medicine, acupuncture, and dietary therapy. Practitioners diagnose imbalances in blood quality and circulation based on symptoms such as pale complexion, menstrual irregularities, or insomnia, and tailor treatments to restore harmony within the body's systems.

Ayurvedic Medicine*:

In Ayurveda, the traditional medicine system of India, blood (Rakta) is regarded as crucial for maintaining overall health and vitality. Ayurvedic texts emphasize the importance of balanced blood circulation and purity to prevent disease and promote longevity. Practices such as Panchakarma treatments aim to cleanse and rejuvenate the blood through herbal therapies, dietary adjustments, and lifestyle modifications. Unlike external applications or ritualistic uses, Ayurvedic medicine focuses on enhancing the body's internal mechanisms to optimize blood quality and circulation. By restoring balance to the doshas (body types), Ayurvedic practitioners aim to harmonize physical health, mental clarity, and spiritual well-being.

Across these traditions, the approach to blood magic diverges from external ritualistic practices commonly associated with Western occultism. Instead, they emphasize internal cultivation, balance, and harmony within the body's natural processes. By focusing on enhancing the quality and circulation of blood through holistic methods, practitioners seek to promote holistic health, longevity, and spiritual well-being without the need for external bloodletting or ritualistic practices seen in other magical traditions.

Physical Applications of Blood in Use of Magic

The physical applications of blood in these practices are varied, each carrying distinct symbolic meanings and ritualistic purposes. Blood is often used to anoint objects, spaces, or individuals, thereby consecrating and imbuing them with specific properties. So long as blood is applied to archival materials and kept in a cool, dry, sterile, and dark place with little to no air circulation the DNA which makes up the taglock can remain intact for up to 500 years. However, luminal, microbial, fungal, and or chemical interactions may cause DNA to degrade in as little as a few days.

Anointing Objects: Blood is frequently applied to ritual tools, such as athames, wands, or talismans, to consecrate them and enhance their efficacy. This act is believed to imbue the object with the life force of the practitioner, creating a powerful link between the tool and the user. The anointing process is typically done with great care, often accompanied by sigils, chants, or prayers to invoke the desired energies. Anointing is most potent when used on absorbent materials such as cloth or paper. This is due to the blood, which acts as a dynamic taglock, becoming trapped within fibers. 

Marking Spaces: Blood can be used to mark ritual spaces or boundaries, creating a sacred and protected area for the practitioner to work within. This marking might involve drawing symbols or lines with the blood, establishing a physical and energetic barrier against negative influences. The creation of these sacred spaces is an integral part of many blood magic rituals, providing a contained environment for the practitioner's work.

Healing Rituals: In healing practices, blood may be applied to the body to promote recovery and balance. This application is usually symbolic, representing the infusion of life force into the afflicted area (So long as it is not an open wound). The blood is often applied with the fingertips, accompanied by specific incantations or prayers to enhance the healing process. The focus is on the symbolic gesture rather than the physical quantity of blood used.

Offerings to Deities or Spirits: Blood can also be offered to deities or spirits as a form of devotion and reverence. This offering is typically done by placing a few drops of blood on an altar or in a sacred space designated for the deity or spirit. The act of offering blood is seen as a profound gesture, symbolizing the practitioner's dedication and connection to the divine or spiritual forces.

Safety

The practice of blood magic, while rooted in tradition and symbolism, requires a conscientious approach to safety, even within very simple workings. Ensuring safe practices is paramount, as the involvement of blood inherently carries risks, particularly concerning hygiene and infection. This section provides a comprehensive guide to maintaining safety, highlighting practices to avoid, methods for preventing infections, and essential steps for cleanup and disposal. The risk of spreading disease through blood biological waste is a significant concern due to the potential presence of bloodborne pathogens. These pathogens, which include viruses such as HIV, hepatitis B, and hepatitis C, can survive in blood and other bodily fluids, posing a health risk to sanitation workers. When blood or biological waste is improperly handled or disposed of, these pathogens can be transmitted through direct contact with contaminated materials. This transmission can occur through needlesticks, cuts, or mucous membrane exposure, leading to serious infections. Additionally, pathogens can be aerosolized during certain procedures, increasing the risk of inhalation. Therefore, stringent protocols for handling, sterilizing, and disposing of blood and biological waste are essential. The use of puncture-proof and leak-proof sharps containers for needles and other sharp objects is crucial to prevent accidental injuries and subsequent infections. Furthermore, all contaminated materials should be disposed of in designated biohazard containers, which are then collected and treated by specialized waste management services to neutralize any pathogens. Adherence to these practices not only protects workers and practitioners alike but also prevents the potential spread of infectious diseases to the wider community.

Practices to Avoid

Certain practices in blood magic should be strictly avoided to mitigate risks and uphold ethical standards. Understanding these practices is crucial for any practitioner who wishes to engage in blood magic responsibly.

Excessive Bloodletting: One of the most critical practices to avoid is excessive bloodletting. The use of large quantities of blood is not only unnecessary but also dangerous. Blood magic typically requires only a minimal amount of blood—often just a single small drop. Overextending oneself by drawing significant amounts can lead to serious health complications, including anemia, dizziness, and, in severe cases, shock or death.

Using Unsterilized Instruments: Another hazardous practice is the use of unsterilized instruments to extract blood. Employing non-sterile needles, lancets, or other sharp objects increases the risk of infections and diseases. Practitioners must ensure that all tools used in blood extraction are properly sterilized and handled with care.

Self-Harm and Harm to Others: Blood magic should never involve self-harm or harm to others. The practice must be conducted in a manner that respects the well-being and dignity of all involved. Self-inflicted wounds or drawing blood from others without their consent and comfort are unethical and dangerous practices that must be avoided.

Sharing Blood: Sharing blood between individuals is a practice that carries significant health risks. Bloodborne pathogens can be transmitted through shared blood, leading to serious infections and diseases such as HIV, hepatitis B, and hepatitis C. Practitioners should never share blood or engage in rituals that involve the mingling of blood from multiple individuals.

Preventing Infections

Preventing infections is a primary concern when working with blood. Proper hygiene and careful handling of blood and instruments are essential to minimize the risk of infection.

Sterilization of Tools: All tools used for blood extraction, such as needles or lancets, must be sterilized before use. This can be achieved using medical-grade sterilization techniques, such as autoclaving or using single-use, pre-sterilized instruments. If reusable instruments are employed, they should be thoroughly cleaned and disinfected after each use.

Hand Hygiene: Practitioners should practice meticulous hand hygiene before and after handling blood. Washing hands with soap and water for at least 20 seconds is essential. If soap and water are not available, an alcohol-based hand sanitizer can be used as an alternative.

Use of Gloves: Wearing disposable gloves during the extraction and handling of blood can provide an additional layer of protection. Gloves should be disposed of immediately after use, and hands should be washed again to ensure complete hygiene.

Disinfecting the Extraction Site: The area of the body from which blood will be drawn should be disinfected with an antiseptic solution, such as alcohol or iodine, before extraction. This reduces the risk of introducing pathogens into the body through the puncture site.

Proper Wound Care: After the blood has been drawn, the puncture site should be properly cared for to prevent infection. This involves applying an antiseptic and covering the wound with a sterile bandage. The area should be monitored for signs of infection, such as redness, swelling, or discharge.

Cleanup & First Aid

Thorough cleanup and first aid procedures are essential components of safe blood magic practices. Proper cleanup ensures that the ritual space remains hygienic and free from contamination, while first aid addresses any injuries that may occur.

The use of a sharps container is critical for safely disposing of items that can puncture the skin and are contaminated with unsterilized biological materials. These containers are biohazard-marked, solid-walled, puncture-proof, and leak-proof on the sides and bottom.

Sharps Disposal:

Examples of Sharps: Needles, lancets, scalpels, knives, razor blades, glass slides, glass Pasteur pipettes, biologically-contaminated broken glass, and all sharps-associated medical devices such as syringes

Collection and Storage:

Immediately place all sharps into a designated sharps container after use. Use containers specifically designed for sharps disposal; avoid cardboard or repurposed containers. Ensure the sharps container lid has a restricted access opening and is fully closed when not in use. Store the container upright to prevent spills or contamination. You can obtain a sharps container from most pharmacies for free or for a low cost.

Treatment and Disposal:

Close the sharps container permanently when it is three-quarters full or when objects no longer fall freely into it. Do not force items into the container or shake it to make more space. Place full containers in designated biohazards waste pickup areas. Many pharmacies accept biological and sharps waste for disposal.

Liquid Biohazardous Waste:

Description and Examples: Includes bulk biological liquids like culture media and pooled clinical specimen liquids.

Collection and Storage:

Label collection vessels with biohazard symbols and the disinfectant used. Use non-breakable containers whenever possible. Store vacuum flasks in leak-proof secondary containers when not in biosafety cabinets (BSC).

First Aid Procedures

Treating Minor Wounds: If a minor wound occurs during the ritual, clean it immediately with soap and water. Apply an antiseptic and cover the wound with a sterile bandage. Keep the wound clean and dry, changing the bandage daily or if it becomes wet or dirty.

Addressing Severe Injuries: For severe injuries, such as deep cuts or heavy bleeding, seek immediate medical attention. Apply pressure to the wound to control bleeding while waiting for medical assistance. Remain calm and act swiftly to ensure proper care.

Monitoring for Signs of Infection: After any blood extraction or injury, monitor the wound for signs of infection, including increased redness, swelling, warmth, pain, or discharge. Seek medical advice promptly if any of these symptoms occur.

By adhering to these safety practices, practitioners of blood magic can mitigate risks and ensure that their rituals are conducted in a responsible and respectful manner. Emphasizing the importance of hygiene, proper tool use, and ethical considerations not only preserves the integrity of the practice but also safeguards the health and well-being of all involved.

Blood magic, with its deep-seated symbolism and intricate rituals, can sometimes require the practitioner to reverse or nullify the effects of a previously cast spell. Unbinding, or the process of undoing blood magic, is a crucial skill that ensures the practitioner retains control over their craft and can correct or withdraw magical influences when necessary. This section delves into scenarios where unbinding is beneficial and outlines the methodologies to effectively achieve it.

The following are some helpful resources about safety and clean up:

Basic First Aid

Sharps Disposal

Infected Wound Treatment

Counteracting, Unbinding, and Undoing Blood Magic

Blood magic can sometimes require the practitioner to reverse or nullify the effects of a previously cast spell. The process of undoing blood magic is a crucial skill that ensures the practitioner retains control over their craft and can correct or withdraw magical influences when necessary. When might undoing blood magic be a good idea?

Unintended Consequences: Despite meticulous planning, blood magic can sometimes yield unforeseen results. These unintended outcomes might stem from miscalculation, misinterpretation of the ritual's requirements, or external influences altering the spell's impact. In such instances, unbinding becomes necessary to mitigate any negative repercussions.

Changing Circumstances: Life is inherently dynamic, and circumstances that once justified a blood magic ritual may evolve, rendering the spell obsolete or even counterproductive. For example, a spell cast to protect a relationship may need to be undone if the relationship ends or transforms, ensuring that the energies involved do not cause harm or unnecessary entanglement.

Ethical Considerations: The ethical landscape of magic is complex, and practitioners may find themselves needing to unbind spells that no longer align with their moral compass. If a spell was cast under conditions or motivations that are later regretted, unbinding serves as a means of rectifying past actions.

Interference with Other Work: Multiple magical workings can sometimes interfere with one another, particularly if their purposes are not harmonious. In such cases, unbinding one or more spells can clarify the practitioner's magical landscape, allowing for more effective and focused rituals.

Psychological Relief: The psychological burden of knowing a blood magic spell is active can be significant. If a practitioner feels uneasy or haunted by a ritual, unbinding the spell can provide peace of mind, alleviating stress and restoring a sense of control.

How to Unbind

Unbinding a blood magic spell is a deliberate and structured process, requiring precision and respect for the energies involved. The following steps outline a general methodology for unbinding:

Reflection and Assessment: Before initiating the unbinding process, the practitioner must engage in thorough reflection and assessment of the original spell. This involves understanding the components, energies, and symbols used, as well as the specific outcomes achieved. Such introspection helps in crafting an effective unbinding strategy. Keeping a spell log will be invaluable for this purpose.

Cleansing the Space: Preparing the physical and ambient energetic space is crucial. This typically involves cleansing the area with purifying agents such as salt, sage, or other herbs known for their purifying properties, and energy work. The goal is to create a neutral and protected environment for the unbinding ritual.

Gathering Materials: An unbinding ritual may benefit from specific materials, which may include items used in the original spell (if available), purification substances, and tools for ritual work such as candles, incense, and a ceremonial knife. The precise materials will depend on the nature of the original spell and the practitioner's tradition. One component that will be absolutely necessary is the spell’s anchor.

Symbolic Acts of Neutralization: Symbolic acts can play a significant role in unbinding. This could involve burying, burning, or immersing objects used in the original spell in running water, symbolically returning the energies to the earth or cleansing them entirely. The act chosen should align with the practitioner's symbolic framework and the nature of the spell being undone.

Offering and Atonement: To maintain balance and respect for the forces involved, the practitioner may include an offering or act of atonement as part of the unbinding ritual. This could be a simple act of gratitude, a small gift to the natural world, or a gesture of goodwill that seeks to harmonize any disrupted energies.

Cleansing or Destroying the Spell Anchor: The original spell anchor, or object(s) that houses the spell must be cleansed energetically, or be entirely destroyed. Energetically cleansing the anchor means to isolate and unravel the energetic construct of the spell which is bound to the anchor. To destroy the anchor means to smash, burn, cut up, or dissolve the object until it is no longer identifiable. If the object is made of metal then it will require energetic dismantling, as not even melting the metal down will break down the spell unless it is diluted in other minerals or metals to a point where it is no longer chemically similar.

Sealing the Unbinding: Once the reversal actions are completed, sealing the unbinding can be used to ensure the spell's effects do not linger. This might involve the creation of a talisman, seal, or sigil which is then applied to the outside of the container holding the remnants of the original anchor. 

Post-Ritual Reflection: After the unbinding ritual, the practitioner should take time for reflection and grounding. This allows for the assimilation of any residual internal energies and provides an opportunity to assess the effectiveness of the unbinding. Meditation, divination, journaling, or simply spending time in nature can help in this process.

Monitoring Outcomes: The practitioner should monitor the outcomes of the unbinding over the following days and weeks. Observing any changes or shifts in circumstances can provide valuable feedback on the success of the unbinding and inform future practices.

Unbinding, like all aspects of blood magic, demands respect, mindfulness, and a deep understanding of the forces at play. By adhering to these structured steps, practitioners can responsibly undo the effects of their spells, ensuring harmony and balance within their magical practice and broader life context.

Alternatives to Blood Magic

For those who skipped the article, here is a diluted TL;DR list of the most important information from it with all potential triggers removed:

BM is binding magic and does not empower or boost a working

A single small pinprick is all that's needed, more than that approaches SH

There exist BM practices that do not require the removal of fluids from the body.

BM, for the most part, is just using a dynamic Taglock.

Safety is paramount

BM can be undone just like any other type of spell

Since BM does not in any way strengthen or empower spell work outside of self-binding, there are many alternatives. Blood within magic acts primarily as a taglock. It is for this reason that it can be replaced by any other taglock in spellcrafting.

Taglocks that can easily replace blood:

Signature: A personal signature is a direct representation of an individual, carrying the unique energy and identity of the person.

Photograph: A photograph captures the essence and image of an individual, making it an effective taglock for personal spells.

Hair: Hair contains DNA and is a physical part of the person, making it a powerful substitute.

Nail clippings: Like hair, nail clippings are part of the individual’s body and contain their DNA, serving as a strong link for spell work.

For BM that used blood as a conduit:

Blood is sometimes believed to act as a conduit in magic due to its life essence and connectivity. This role can be substituted by other substances capable of facilitating energetic transfer.

Light acids such as vinegar: Vinegar is a readily available and safe substitute. Acids can transfer electrons, which can be symbolically or practically useful in spells that require a medium to facilitate a reaction or transformation. Vinegar’s cleansing properties also add a purifying element to spellwork.

For BM for holding space:

When blood is used to hold space or create a sacred boundary, alternative materials can effectively perform this function.

Salt water: Salt water has long been used for purification and protection. Salt's crystalline structure and water's fluid nature make this combination a potent tool for creating sacred space.

Quartz (piezoelectric): Quartz crystals, due to their piezoelectric properties, can generate electrical charges and are excellent for maintaining energetic fields and enhancing spells.

Copper: Copper is a highly conductive metal that can enhance the flow of energy in spellwork. Its properties make it a useful substitute for blood in rituals requiring energy movement or containment.

Talismans/Sigils: These objects or symbols are charged with specific intentions and can effectively hold space or direct energy in spellwork. They can be custom-made to align with the desired outcome of the ritual.

For BM used for offerings to spirits or deities:

Offerings are an integral part of many spiritual practices, intended to honor and appease spirits or deities. Blood, being a potent life force, can be replaced by various other meaningful offerings.

Food and drink: Traditional offerings such as bread, fruit, wine, or other beverages are widely accepted in many spiritual traditions. They symbolize sustenance and respect.

Incense and herbs: Burning incense or herbs can serve as a fragrant offering, with the smoke carrying prayers and intentions to the spiritual realm. Specific herbs can be chosen based on their symbolic meanings and properties.

Flowers: Fresh flowers are often used as offerings due to their beauty, fragrance, and life energy. They can represent growth, renewal, and respect.

Candles: Lighting candles in specific colors can symbolize different aspects of the offering, such as white for purity or red for strength and passion. The flame acts as a beacon or signal to the spiritual entities being honored.

Coins or precious metals: Offering coins or small pieces of precious metals can symbolize wealth and prosperity, showing reverence and gratitude to the spirits or deities.

Personal creations: Handmade items, such as crafted objects, poems, or artworks, can be deeply personal offerings that convey sincerity and dedication. These can be tailored to the preferences and attributes of the deity or spirit being honored. This is the best alternative for BM in this regard.

Special Thanks to my Patrons!

Thank you for your continued support! My patrons help me maintain the drive to create content and help me keep food in my pantry. My patrons of Mystic tier and higher had access to this article a week before it was public! To see other perks of supporting me, click here!

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This post was reviewed and edited for easier reading by ChatGPT.

[rocksinmuffin]

I will officially be opening up high priority writing commissions in exchange for proof of donation to a charity that is currently helping Palestine.

Such charities include (but are not necessarily limited to):

Medical aid for Palestinians

Palestine Children’s Relief Fund

The World Food Programme

Doctors Without Borders

UNRWA

Please contact me through DMs or a private un-anonymous message if you are interested before making the donation. I would like to take as many as I can, obviously, but since people will be using their real money and this is not something I have ever done before, I want to make sure I am not taking on more than I can handle. I need to first confirm with you that I can take the request (meaning it is something I can write for and that I do not have too large a workload) before accepting. So sending me the commission request is not confirmation; you will need to wait for me to respond saying I will take it. After that, I will want you to send me proof of your donation, such as a screenshot of a confirmation email with any of your identifying information edited out. Once the proof of donation is received, I will then begin on writing your request.

-For a 5 US dollar donation you will get a minimum of at least 300 words.

-For 10 US dollars you will get a minimum of 700 words.

-If you donate 20 US dollars or more I will guarantee a minimum of 1,500 words.

Unless you say otherwise, I will post commissions to the blog but you may request it just privately be sent to you. If you want it posted but do not want your username to be associated with the request just let me know you would like to remain anonymous.

If you would like to make a donation to another group helping Palestine that is not listed above, let me know before making the donation so I can confirm it is legitimate.

Once I have taken on your request, please give me time to write them. I am an adult with a full time job so I might not be able to write much during the regular work week However, these commissions will take priority and I will write these commissions before working on any other non-commissioned request.

Thank you and bless you to everyone doing what they can to help the Palestinian people during this time.

[veras1ne]

✮;༉“Slut Me Out.”

Hi doves! I hope you like my new theme <3 I’ve really been feeling the color purple lately but specifically a dullish purple! Swans are my everything though so they’re still here as always. Anyways, I have another Saw fic for you guys, the next fic I post will be Anakin Skywalker!

✰Pairing´ˎ˗📀: Amanda Young x Kramer!Male!Reader

✰ ‧₊˚ Summary 🦢: Amanda was having a very slow day, until you popped inside the workshop. It’s so distracting having such a beautiful enigma in front of you, but maybe a distraction is just what she needed to make her day go faster, her associates son.

✰ ;➛ WARNINGS🫧: THIS IS AN 18+ SMUT FANFIC WORK. I am NOT responsible for the media you read and consume! Your warnings are the following: Smut, Cunnilingus, Age Gap, PIV, Mild Degrading, Fucking On A Table,

Amanda was having a very slow day. John hadn’t given her any tasks, and yet she’d still been put on standby. With no current traps to build and not having to take care of John, she sat sketching out new ideas for future contraptions.

Every once in a while, she would tinker with some scrap pieces of junk that Hoffman had left out. It wasn’t unusual for her to experience one of these days, but what she wasn’t expecting was to see her associate's son, you, enter the workshop.

You weren’t too much younger than Amanda; you were in your twenties, and yet she still saw you as pure, untainted, and unknowing of the vile world. You were exceptionally talented in her eyes, possessing a natural talent for machinery and craftsmanship. The two of you had minimal interactions but were still friendly at that. In fact, you were the closest thing she had to a friend other than your father, John.

Your face held an open innocence and sincerity. You always treated her kindly, despite her less than flattering history with your father's work. If anything, Amanda liked your company, even if you were only around her to get your father a drink of water or his medication when he forgot to take it during the long mornings.

The more time you spent with each other, though, the more you seemed to gravitate towards her, asking John more questions about her and making up useless excuses to see her. You didn’t necessarily agree with your father's method of rehabilitation; in fact, you thought it was wildly distasteful and that his "apprentices" should never have had to become a part of his games, but nothing mattered when it came to Amanda.

It wasn’t like you’d never spoken to Mandy before, but something in your brain made it near impossible for you to even get full conversations out. You were so awkward and timid in every other way; your body language gave off the impression you wanted nothing to do with her, and your tendency to rant and babble made it even harder.Although if it were anyone else, she would have gotten frustrated, she kept a special place in her mind for you, reminding herself that she’s still human. Despite how hard it seemed to be, Amanda couldn’t bring herself to hate you for all the wrong reasons.

You were just too sweet for her to dislike you, and besides, you were a friend of hers and somebody she cherished.Your footsteps echoed as you walked into the cold, concrete room. The air around you was cold, but your body was warm, and your face was slightly flushed from the heat of the sun. You shivered as you crossed the floor. You had your hands shoved into the pockets of your jacket, looking at the ground in front of you as you passed through the room.

When you noticed Amanda sitting at a table with blueprints and metal, you stopped abruptly and gave a sheepish smile. “Hi Mandy.” Her head followed the sound first, her eyes still attentive to the sketches in front of her. She finally raised her head from the paper when you spoke again. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything." You rubbed the back of your neck as you apologized, looking away.

She sighed deeply before giving you a quick smile. “No, not at all. Take a seat if you’d like.” Her hair was up, her mid-length locks of brown hair being exchanged for a short, updo ponytail that was held up by a small clip. It hung loosely in front of her face, framing it perfectly. You sat down next to her, placing yourself directly across from her, your hands clasped together nervously in your lap, your eyes darting from side to side, trying to find something to focus on.

She placed her sketchbook and pencil on her lap. “What can I do for you, stranger?” Her lips curled in an awkward smile that quickly faded, huffing at her own humor. "I'm just trying to find something to do, really. I thought I’d come see my favorite girl.” You smiled, your gaze lingering on her face for a bit longer than necessary before you looked away. “That is so kind of you." She laughed lightly before continuing. “But really, I’m not doing much; John has Hoffman out finding some guy who stole medication from Homeward." Amanda picked up the piece of metal she had been working on and examined it closely before setting it back down on the table.

Your eyes lingered on her smile, a pink flush to your cheeks. “You know, it’s rude to stare at people.” Her voice was laced with lightheartedness, her tone teasing. A lump caught in your throat as you glanced back at her. “It’s just so hard not to stare when you’re so pretty, Amanda.” You leaned forward on your elbows, resting your chin in the palm of your hand.

Her cheeks turned a dark red, and her heart fluttered. Her mouth opened and closed silently. She shook her head softly and said, ‘no’, over and over until she broke the silence between the two of you. “I bet you think that I don’t see the way you stare at me or the way your eyes follow my movements; I see everything." She paused, her gaze locked on yours. “I know that you think of me at night, whenever you get lonely and need company.” She took a breath. “I can fix that." She leaned forward, her arms snaking up your shoulders and stripping you of your warm jacket. You didn’t protest, not even as her cold fingers slid over your skin. She pressed closer, letting her lips graze the shell of your ear. “Let me save you." She whispered against the skin of your ear before placing soft kisses along your jawline, trailing further down until she reached your neck. Your eyes drifted shut in pleasure as she pulled down the collar of your shirt and exposed the skin of your throat. Her lips traced circles around the sensitive spot as she kissed her way down your neck and chest. Amanda’s breathing quickened and her grip tightened as the woman continued to suck the tender flesh and leave marks along the sides of her neck. She gently bit your shoulder before running the tip of her tongue over it, causing you to let out a groan.

Amanda sucked harder, moving lower along the edge of your collarbone and then sucking gently into the hollow there. A whimper left you as she licked a circle around your clavicle, making your chest rise and fall quickly. Your hands clenched tightly into fists as you tried to hold back your moans. “I’ve wanted to make you mine since the day I met you. So pure and kind, what would John say if he saw his precious little boy being dumbed down to  nothing?" Her words made your breath hitch and your words slur. “Please, please. Please don’t stop; please make me feel good.” You begged in a whisper, biting your lip to keep from crying out.

The woman slowly moved upward, kissing along your cheek, down your jaw, across your neck, and finally settling down at your ear. “Anything for you, baby, but what can you do for me?” She took hold of your hands, dragging them slowly up her shirt, groping her boobs, and luring out a whine from her lips. Her chest was warm, making your hands hot and your face flush. Your hands moved down to her loose pants, unbuttoning them and pushing them to the floor. She began taking the rest of her clothes off, revealing her beautiful naked body, covered in goosebumps due to the sudden change in temperature. You grabbed hold of her bare ass, squeezing it softly, pulling it toward you, and rubbing her back, your nails scraping against her smooth skin.

She turned around, swiping everything off the table onto the floor with a large clatter and hopping onto the smooth, cold metal. Her legs wrapped around your waist, holding on tight. Your hands slid up and cupped her breasts, your thumbs massaging them. As you squeezed them slightly, you gasped. Her soft moans sent chills throughout your body. One of your hands traveled down to her thighs, spreading them and exposing her wet pussy.

Your thumb ran the length of her folds, stroking gently against her clit. She arched her back slightly, lifting her hips up and grinding into your touch as she dug her nails into the skin of your arms. Her moans were loud and desperate while your tongue made contact with her folds. She writhed against you, her back arching higher and higher into your touch as her breathing became more labored. “Oh god,” she panted, her fingers gripping your hair, pulling your head upwards, forcing your tongue deeper inside her, your hands wrapped around her thighs, pulling her body closer to your mouth. Her fingernails raked your scalp as she squirmed beneath you, bucking her hips as hard as she could.

Her breath hitched and your name escaped her lips before she fell limp in your grasp, gasping harshly for air, her chest rising and falling rapidly, and her body shaking violently. You continued to play with her, stroking the tip of her clit in circular motions, working her through her orgasm. She released a low moan as she came, her entire body shuddering as it worked its way down her body. As her eyes flickered open, they gazed at you with a mixture of lust, passion, and affection. "God, you’re so beautiful,” you breathed out to her as she straddled the table, reaching over and unbuckling your belt.

Her fingers pushed your trousers down, the fabric pooling at your ankles. With gentle fingers, she pushed your boxers down to your thighs, releasing your straining cock from the near-suffocating fabric. She lowered herself slowly over your dick, and you couldn’t help but gasp, your eyes closing involuntarily. “So tight,” you murmured breathlessly, pressing back against her, wanting more. She lifted herself up slightly, allowing you enough room.

She spread her lips wide as she let out a whimper. "God, your cock is so fucking big. I never knew you were such a disgusting little slut for me." Your eyes widened slightly, a small blush creeping across your cheeks as your face grew warmer. “I should’ve known you’d love to be degraded like this. You just love it, don’t you?” she smirked slyly, her husky voice dripping with lust as you ran your hand slowly up and down her stomach, caressing her soft breasts. She wrapped her legs around your waist, forcing your dick deeper inside of her, causing the both of you to let out a deep groan in sync, almost like two puzzle pieces that fit exactly together, your bodies merging and your souls becoming one. She let her head fall back against the metal, putting her arms behind her head as your thrusts quickened. Your teeth grazed her earlobe, nipping lightly as the coils in your stomach tightened. You tugged on her nipples, feeling the heat radiate between her thighs as you began slamming into her, giving her exactly what she desired.

You were in complete control of your body, and yet it felt as if she had taken over your mind, filling your thoughts with her and only her. You gripped her tighter, pumping faster and harder each time you slammed into her, leaving purple bruises as your hips snapped into her pelvic area, and sending waves of pleasure crashing through your body. A moan slipped past your lips as Amanda’s grip on your dick tightened, her walls clenching around your cock.

You cried out her name loudly, burying your face into the crook of her neck, your lips trailing up towards her ear. “You drive me crazy, you know that?” She hummed, her voice muffled against your neck and collarbones while her hands found their way to your shoulders. "Mandy, please, I’m going to cum.” Your labored breathing made it hard to understand your words, and your stomach felt tight as your orgasm approached. “I want you to cum inside me; I want to be the one to claim you; taint your mind.” Her words pushed you to the edge, your warm cum spilling into her pussy, leaking out onto her inner thighs. Your body shook as you continued to pound into her, her own orgasm drawing close as you worked her to her second orgasm. “Oh fuck, I’m gonna cum. Such a good boy, doing all of this for me.” Her stomach snapped, her whines increasing in volume as her body shook uncontrollably, her cries mixing with your grunts.

Her nails dug into your back, her energy running out as she laid flat on the cool table, as opposed to the hot sweat on her body. Her breath was slow and steady as she came down from her high, her muscles relaxing as you finally stopped. You rested your forehead against hers, her hands resting on your shoulders, this time relaxed. “If I knew you could do that, I would’ve done this a lot sooner, kid.” She let out a huffed laugh. You smiled at her, brushing a strand of hair away from her face, placing a kiss on her forehead, and handing her your jacket to give her some form of protected modesty, even if you had just spent the last nearly thirty minutes pleasuring her. She slipped the jacket on and stood up, turning around to face you once again, leaning down, and kissing you deeply. “Let’s go get cleaned up; I don’t feel like staying sticky all day." You chuckled and nodded at her, slipping your hand into hers and lacing your fingers together as you headed to the door.

Your soft snores were all that were heard in your room as Mandy stroked her fingers through your hair. The sun filtered through the blinds and illuminated your sleeping figure. Large, heavy footsteps rang through the hallway as Amanda turned her head towards the sound of “Hi John.” She smiled and gave a little wave. “I welcome you into my home, give you refuge, and this is what I get in turn? This is a new low for you, Amanda.” John stated it blankly, looking away and walking away from the doorway. “New record, I guess.”

[65thgames]

Okay now that we've sorted THAT here are some of my actual harvey headcanons (some loosely based on my fanfic that's in the works)

-I think when he was younger, I'd say 18-early twenties, he had a bit of a rebellious phase. Not necessarily as wild as most people's, but for him it was massive. He had internalised a lot of his insecurities and issues from his failed dreams and just general stress. So he became a bit untamed to try and fit in with the others, as he wasn't sure where he belonged. Certainly not in aviation (he's known this for a while), and he feels like an imposter within the medical field . So where else does he fit in?

-As expected this did not work. Someone tell him pushing away and bottling his issues isn't good for him bc he sure as hell won't tell himself. He was never able to feel like he fully fit in with the rest, like everyone else was speaking a sort of language that he was never given the dictionary for (yes I hc him as autistic).

-His relationship with his family now that he's older is more business-like than it is familial. He'll visit for major holidays, maybe stop by when he's near, but even in childhood he was always closer to his extended family. I don't think his parents were cruel, but I think that they were very strict, no nonsense people. They didn't support his inital dreams. Not because they didn't care for him, but rather because they thought they were unrealistic. Why be a pilot (when he's got bad vision anyways) when he can be a lawyer just like his father? Why be a pilot when he can become a doctor, like his brother? As a result I think he unconsciously associates his pain from his failed dreams with his parents.

-A lot of the food he "dislikes" in game don't actually come from not liking the taste. Instead he's conditioned himself into not liking overtly "unhealthy" foods to try and maintain his image of a good doctor. He already feels like an imposter in his profession, so he uses tactics such as these to try and lessen the feeling. Who needs therapy am I right?

-But despite this, he is a huge hypocrite. He is aware of this. He preaches health but then eats microwave meals in his secluded apartment where he doesn't need to keep up his mask. If any of you are familiar with Goffman's dramaturgical analogy, it's exactly like that in my eyes. His "backstage" is his home. But the main stage is Pelican Town. And he uses props moreso in the form of abstract things to build his mask of a good doctor, believing he cannot be effective if he's "just Harvey."

-Random but he's an olive AND marmite person. Not together, obviously. But trust that man has a jar of marmite in his cupboard, and one of these for his olives. His sister gifted to him over a decade ago. He's surprised it hasn't broken yet.

-His first big buy for himself was a turntable. It was his pride and joy and he'd polish it often. He still has it. Obviously we know he likes Jazz, but I feel like his dirty secret is that he listens to country on the down low. Shh don't tell anyone.

-He's gotten into only a few physical fights in his life. Most were when he was in school. But one was an alleyway fight he got into whilst defending his sister from a creep. Trust me, poor Harvey got his fair share of a beating. But that's the day he learned he can throw a punch if he wants to. However since them he's gotten a bit more out of shape. He could still punch someone, but he's a gentle giant so give him a second to stretch and practice his breathing techniques he gets anxious okay. (unless its for someone else. If someone he loves is in danger he'll go in, ham stretches be damned. He'll pay for it in the morning though.)

-On the note of gentle giant, I think Harvey was a surprisingly short kid. He shot up around age 13, though, and didn't stop for a while. He was asked to be on the basketball team, and he did try out whilst he was still trying to find himself. That dream ended quickly when he got a basketball to his face and it broke his glasses in half.

-On the topic of sports, I think he's a pretty fast runner but he does have limitations. When he was a kid/preteen, he had asthma. He's grown out of it mostly, but he still gets attacks from time to time. Now that he's older, it's because his body has started catching up to him. Sure he'll run a few laps for a charity run, but give him an icepack for his bad knees okay.

-He started greying fairly young. He's very insecure of it, because as he was growing up one of his most prominent features was his hair.

-Since we're talking about appearance, I know that man has good cheekbones.

-His eyes are hazel but he just calls them brown.

-The most he's ever let someone in was Elliott, but even then he keeps him at a firm arm's length. He's not good at letting down his guard at all until the farmer.

-He's had a few relationships and a few hookups, but they've never really stuck. He doesn't like hookup culture so he no longer participates in it. I think Harvey doesn't fall for people often because he's so guarded, but when he does it's hard and fast and usually soul destroying.

-Cries at the lion king

-He's neither a cat or a dog person. He has no preference, he loves both for different reasons. Cats are laid back, independent and (usually) quieter. Dogs are floppy and silly. If the farmer has a pet/multiple, he usually has to be attacked with a lint roller before leaving for work every day. I'm talking airport security pat down core.

-This man is TERRIBLE with technology. He definitely does the millennial pause god forbid he ever has to send a video to someone. He's not very well versed with the new meanings people have assigned to emojis and slang. So never text him "HELPPP 😭" unless you want your house barged into at 3am by Harvey with a medical bag.

That's all I've got for now

[butch-reidentified]

do you actually have a genetic disorder??

how does it work whats it called

I have vascular-type Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (vEDS - though many patients prefer to use VEDS for reasons discussed in the link at the end of this post). it's a connective tissue disorder with several subtypes, but vascular-type is the only type that's deadly. current typical life expectancy is like 48ish, but even then, that's if you take a certain class of medication that I can't take (makes my blood pressure so constantly and severely low that I become bedbound) - when I was first diagnosed with unspecified EDS, the lifespan estimates for VEDS were closer to 40 years. that doesn't necessarily mean I can't possibly live a good bit longer - there have been patients who've lived about as long as a typical healthy person, but there's no way to predict it or mitigate it. lifestyle, in this case, makes basically zero difference. I could be the fittest and healthiest lifestyle person on earth or be a couch potato who eats nothing but fast food and it wouldn't really mean much in terms of this either way.

I've posted before about my EDS (never in detail idt) & it's mentioned in the About Me section of my Pinned, but had avoided getting the test for VEDS until fairly recently - not fully intentionally, just got caught up in life and kind of already suspected based on certain traits and symptoms I have that are associated with the vascular type (including a history of SCAD*). it's actually good I waited bc they found a new variety of the gene mutation since my initial diagnosis that may be present in a whole 50% of VEDS patients!

*SCAD = Sudden Coronary Artery Dissection, often considered a type of heart attack, where your artery just zshlurps n pops a hole in it. I recently had read a few studies showing that female people, especially if otherwise broadly healthy, are more able than males to heal from SCAD without or with very conservative medical intervention (I don't even go to hospital atp for pretty much anything my body does, but I did briefly die once and have posted my NDE experience here before), however I'm struggling to find these studies all of a sudden. that said, the below AHA article mentions that "among patients with acute myocardial infarction, patients with SCAD have a lower risk of mortality, which is attributed primarily to their younger age, female sex, and low prevalence of atherosclerotic risk factors."

[canmom]

dànachd canmom aig worldcon - pàirt 1: diardaoin

I'm at the World Science Fiction Convention! Better known as Worldcon.

Unlike previous adventures, this one didn't take me to any picturesque French towns. In fact it's like 15 minutes bike ride from my house! I managed to move to Glasgow right before Worldcon dropped in my lap.

Due to Events, the last few weeks before the con ha been some of the most hectic of my goddamn life, but I've been able to secure some time off. Things actually started on Wednesday night, when my friend and I wandered into the hotel at the convention centre on our way home and ended up fast friends with a group of people including a few big authors and editors in the scene, which was kind of wild. That's the con experience though! But things kicked off for real today on Thursday.

Due to a combo of minor medical emergency and then staying up late to finish off work after I finally got home, I got very little sleep that night, and sadly did not arrive at the con in time to catch Dune: The Musical. So most of the day ended up panels, though with an opera and a ceilidh at the end to spice things up, not to mention meeting like 90% of my old friends from uni, which is kinda sick. (Hello to the ones who follow me on here :p)

Here are some artstation-ass cars they had in the uh... the hall where all the little societies have stands.

Nearly every timeslot had multiple things I might want to attend, so I kind of played it by ear... and ended up weebing it up a little bit, attending two panels on anime and a presentation by the Japanese Scifi Writers Association.

The anime panels (on the subjects of food and music in anime respectively) were sadly quite disappointing. The panellists seem to have been chosen kind of arbitrarily - my friend dakkar knows his shit but there were a lot of banal 'what's your favourite x' type questions and a couple of panelists who either just wanted to bang on about basic shōnen shit as if it's all anime is, or were constantly mispronouncing Japanese words in a kinda painful way ("ai-sekai" being the worst). I was really hoping the food in anime panel might go into, for example, the historical context for why anime has such lavish depictions of food, or the technicalities of how food is portrayed. The discussion ended up going on to subjects like cooking recipes from anime and manga but honestly didn't really have a lot to say about it!

The way the panels seem to have been organised is, so far as I can infer... someone would pitch a description, and then the organisers would assign some people to be on that panel from a big pool? Which... idk, doesn't seem like it necessarily leads to selecting people with a lot to say on that subject!

I think I would have been wiser, in retrospect, to have gone to talks about sff lit, since in the end it's just not an anime con - something I'll bear in mind tomorrow. On that front, I did go to the presentation on Japanese scifi, which included the presentation of the Seiun ('nebula') awards to a couple of people whose works in translation were popular in Japan. In a bizarre quirk of programming, this one was run right next door to a panel on Chinese scifi, which is a real move lol.

Sadly this panel was marred by some pretty severe tech issues. Two of the panelists couldn't come to the UK due to visa bullshit, but the video call wasn't working, so Takayuki Tatsumi had to deliver a talk without being able to see his slides, and the slides were slightly in a different order than his talk. Still, I collected a nice list of JP SF authors whose works are available in translation, so looking forward to getting into that. Worse, there were other tech issues, like audio bleeding from another panel; a couple of the panelists struggled with English and the moderator ended up interpreting, which really isn't his job. Compared to the anime talks at Annecy, which had some very talented and fast interpreters, it was a bit of a disaster.

Due to all these issues, I didn't really get to figure out much of what Mari Kotani had to say about the links between shōjo manga and science fiction, a topic which sounds really interesting. Perhaps I can find her books.

The Seiun awards were given to John Scalzi, who showed up and got his prize for The Kaiju Preservation Society and was very polite about it...

...and Alastair Reynolds, who didn't show up to receive his giant fan.

I haven't read any of Scalzi's books, tbh they probably aren't my thing, but he seems like a really sweet guy from my encounters with him and his daughter yesterday and today. And I respect that he insisted on sharing credit with his JP translator.

The other panel I went to was a talk on magnets. This one was properly prepared - I learned a little about the geopolitics of rare earth production, and some of the cool new uses of magnets, though sadly at a fairly surface level. The presenter - who turned out to be a former aerospace industry guy who worked on the fucking Eurofighter Typhoon, now at some society that uhh promotes magnetism or something - mentioned that this is a talk he often gives at schools, and it did kinda feel like being back at uni. There wasn't a lot of good picks for this slot, but maybe the rocketry anecdotes panel would have been better. It was fun to play with the neodynium magnets and similar demos after the talk at least! I probably should have realised that having a physics degree meant I wouldn't learn very much from this talk.

I do hear there were some real good panels in other rooms, so I kind of have only myself to blame here. Tomorrow I'll try and learn from it!

Much better than all the panels was the debut performance of the new opera Morrow's Island, about a scientist conducting Cold War experiments to create psychic links with animals. I knew I was in for something great when one of the first lines was a scientist declaring 'There is no contradiction between dialectical materialism and extra-sensory perception' and it did indeed deliver.

I don't listen to a lot of opera, so I don't have a lot of context to analyse it musically, but it sounded great, full of cool polyphony and interesting melodic lines and the texture of repeating phrases, supported by the flowing motions of a group of contemporary dancers. The ending left me a little cold, but honestly it hit so many of the right notes for shit I'm a real nerd about - Soviet stuff, occult stuff, etc. - that I couldn't not love it. My favourite sequence saw the psychics make contact with the overwhelming complexity of ecosystems, summed up by the repeating phrase "there's so much life, there's so much death". The repeating phrases and gradual transitions called to mind Philip Glass to my admittedly very uncultured ear. Absolutely cool shit, definitely my favourite thing I saw today. I think they're putting a recording online.

The ceilidh, run by Science Ceilidh, was pretty intensely crowded at first so I ducked out. Later in the evening it got a bit more manageable so I returned to dance a bit more, and got to witness an astonishingly nerdy and complicated dance based on the life cycle of Dune sandworms. Surprisingly it went pretty smoothly - credit to the caller for making that work somehow.

I also wandered around the stalls a bit. I got some cool booklets about spaceflight, met a guy from the SCA, saw a 3D scanner scanning a vase, and didn't buy any books because I need to come back with a bag lol.

The best part about Worldcon is just meeting people from all over really. The con ribbons tradition is a great trick for encouraging nerds to talk to each other (though i need to get more...), and people have been very approachable for a crowd whose autism quotient must be near saturation lol. I met people from Finland, Australia, South Korea... mostly anglophone or european countries but still it's good shit. I'm starting to recognise more and more people in the crowd as the con goes on.

It really is so goddamn nerdy, like you look at this crowd and you're like damn, but in the best way, honestly. I am definitely no exception. Hopefully I make some better calls on panels tomorrow loll.

If you're in town, give me a shout, would love to meet more internetfriends!

[popfizzles]

What kind of music does Darwin, Betsy and Clef like to play? Are they like a band together?

Darwin, Betsy, and Clef aren't a band, they're street musicians :) they're buskers!!

Darwin (the potted tulip toon) carries a small amp with him across the isles to plug in his keytar wherever he can set up shop. His favorite places to perform are small restaurants (he brings in business so most places let him do so for free)! He also does crowd work well, poking fun with bystanders and jeering people who walk past him without stopping or tipping. He's very "vicious mockery" core. Busking is Darwin's preferred work, but when days are slow, he picks up odd-jobs online instead.

Clef (the orange music note) has a tiny flatbed he drags a compact drum kit on. He prefers places with echos and great acoustics, like the subway or public parks. Clef isn't necessarily in busking for the cash he gets from it, since he has a well-paying office job on the side. Instead, Clef is concerned with just Making As Much Noise As Possible. If people stop by and toss him a few coins, that's just a bonus! Busking is cathartic for him!!

And Betsy (the purple catgirl toon) has an acoustic guitar that she likes to pluck on. She's softer than the other two, quieter, very peaceful and melodic. She finds quieter places to perform where she won't be too much of a disturbance to the people walking past, and keeps her guitar case open so people can tip her freely. Betsy is busking in order to help pay for medical bills regarding her broken tail. <:)

They know each other by virtue of performing in similar places, and having a sort of friendly conversations, solidarity between street musicians. Like workplace associates but much nicer about it?

They're all a strange sort of close where they don't know each other's last names, but they know each other's favorite things to get out of the vending machines. :)

[2024-grimoire-challenge]

August Week 1: Looking Inward

This week is going to focus on some heavy and serious topics as well as a decent amount of introspection. Some definitions will be thrown in with their various meanings and their relationship to witchcraft in general as well as what we personally see them as. So let’s hold up the mirror, think deep and allow ourselves to open up honestly with ourselves for this.

Monday: Sacrifices

Research/ New Page - Sacrifices, what are they? Literally and metaphorically. Define what a sacrifice is and then apply those contexts to your craft. Physical sacrifices of animals or people aren’t the only definition. Think along the lines of Lent in Christianity. It’s a temporary sacrifice, but it is just that, a sacrifice. How can that context apply to your craft? What is the history of sacrifice in witchcraft and paganism in general? How has that changed over time? How does it differ within various cultures? Are there points in your craft and practice where you have made sacrifices, real and physical or metaphorical? Learn as much as you can can about sacrifices!

Research/ new page- herbal study- pick another herb from your list and learn all that you can about it. Magical, medicinal, mundane, how to grow and utilize the herb to its fullest, myth and history, everything!

Tuesday: Offerings

Research/ New Page - define offerings, in a magical and spiritual or religious context. What kind of offerings can and do you make in your craft? What purpose does it serve? Is it literal or metaphorical? Why do you give these offerings? When do you give them? Who or what do you give them to? What do you give as an offering? And how do you give it? What is the difference between an offering and a sacrifice?

Research/ New Page - gem / other study - pick another gem from your list (or whatever else you’ve chosen to study here) and learn all you can about it. Where it’s from, how it is form, practical and mundane uses, magical uses and associations, history and myth! Everything!

Wednesday: Sowing

Research/ introspection - it isn’t necessarily a literal sowing of seeds, per se, but rather an investment mentally, emotionally, spiritually and magically. What does this sowing mean? What things do we sow in this way? Why do we sow these things, these emotions and spells and rituals and beliefs, these practices and investments in our lives that we hope to see fruition from at a later time? Are there things you’ve sown recently or in the past that you’re waiting to see the results of? Are there things you’ve already sown and received the harvest and reward from? How does this context apply to your craft and practice? Think like investing in education, or monetary investments, creating habits to work on your mental and physical health, things you are actively doing to bring change into you life in the fullness of time.

Practical/ Divination - perform a divination of whatever degree you think you’re capable and journal the experience. Everything from when and where you did it, to how, the question and the results!

Thursday: Harvesting

Research/ introspection - in tandem with the above prompt, what is harvesting in the same context? The metaphorical harvesting of your spiritual, magical, emotional, mental and physical investments from earlier in the year or previous years entirely. How do you harvest from the investments you made? Not all of them can be as physical as withdrawing money from a bank account. How do you reap the benefits of going to therapy? Taking new medications? Working out? Long term magic and ritual?

Friday: Refresh- Ethics and Morals

Research/ Introspection/ Meditation - Ethics and morals. Define ethics, this doesn’t necessarily need to be done on a page, but feel free to make one or add this to a journal if you feel the need. It can help self knowledge to put it to words what we think, feel and believe. Now that you have a definition of ethics, what are some of the morals and personal standards you hold to in your life and in your practice. Is community important? Honesty? Caring for others and the earth? What legs and pillars does your belief system stand on, at its core? How do all of these apply to your personal craft and practice? Think hard and deep. How have these changed over the years? What actions and events in your life have helped to form these? How do you hope they will change in the future, if at all? And how do you hold yourself accountable for standing by the things that you believe? This can be a heavy topic, so feel free to revisit it as you grow and learn more about yourself.

Whew!!! That was a lot of heavy thinking! But we made it through yet another week! Thanks for participating!

-mod Hazel

[respectthepetty]

Color analysis is your big thing around here. Have you always been into colors in shows and movies, or was this new for BL? What are some of your favorite examples of color use from some of your formative works?

@bengiyo, I would like to believe hysteria is my "big thing" but I can see how the colors label would come up every now and then regarding me. I've been seeing you and the smart people squad asking origin questions, so I appreciate the inquiry! However, you already know this is gonna be long, so . . .

Have you always been into colors in shows and movies, or was this new for BL?

When you read the following statements, you can't read them like a tragedy. You have to read them with an air of whimsy because this shit is funny.

My mom thought I was crazy when I was little. Like, thought I needed medication because I kept rambling about seeing patterns in colors. But this wasn't like Care Bears or Strawberry Shortcake kind of colors where each color aligns with a character and emotion. No, this was like I wouldn't eat foods of a certain color or foods served on plates of a certain color because there were good colors (blue, yellow, white), and bad colors (red, green, black), and I got this idea from movies and church. For example, the devil is bad. The devil is red. Therefore, red is bad. Death is bad. Death is black. Therefore, black is bad. Angels are good. They are white. Therefore, white is good.

As a less creepy religious example - If Heather Duke was green because she was envious of the devil aka red Heather Chandler

When Heather Chandler died and Heather Duke took her place as the new queen bee, Heather Duke would naturally start wearing red because she was the new devil, right? Made sense to me!

But my poor mother was stressed. She brought in all of the professionals, and although none of them truly understood what I was saying, they assured my mom I'd grow out of it.

LIES!

I kept seeing patterns, so I was tested when I started school and was promptly placed into the gifted program, where I was shown that green and red weren't necessarily bad. Like when Amélie wore green because her father forced her to live a calm and peaceful life since she was such a rambunctious child.

Only to start wearing more red as she rediscovered her passion for life.

So I remember that pattern of safety and peace versus passion and courage as I'm watching I Feel You Linger in the Air.

What are some of your favorite examples of color use from some of your formative works?

Since I've always noticed colors, nothing really stands out to me as my favorite since it all seems normal to me, so I'm going to flip your question - What was my least favorite example of color use:

The gay(er) one is red.

Remember that I associated red with negativity as a child, so it would really bother me to see the character who knew he was gay and couldn't hide it be colored as red as if he was the mischievous one.

As if the red character was a temptress leading the loyal blue character to hell.

However, using the (coping) mechanisms I learned in school and life, I now see why the characters who can't hide their queerness would have to be more bold, not just in personality, but in color as well.

Their queerness doesn't allow them to hide, and their color depicts this.

How you write about liking characters who "know," I like that the colors reinforce the "knowing."

So "the gay(er) one is red" doesn't bother me at all anymore. I now openly advocate on behalf of these Red Rascals and named them such because much like me telling countless counselors and doctors that the way I see the world comes naturally to me, I understand their refusal to fit into the norm to make others comfortable.

It isn't bad to stand out, mostly because we cannot hide who we are. How we are feels normal.

And the colors helped me see that.

[reiketsui]

as second-in-command, archer has a minor role in just about everything rocket does. but he has a few fields of expertise and duties to specialize in.

MAIN DUTIES

– LEADERSHIP ROLE WHEN GIOVANNI IS ABSENT AND/OR BUSY handling the big decisions, handing out and deciding on promotions, approving and reviewing missions and the reports of them, assigning new duties, deciding on punishments for misbehavior, basically anything that needs the 'final word' from the boss.

– BUSINESS RELATIONS handling overseas business partnerships, relations with the involved political and governmental officials, high-end customers, possible relations with the other organizations and teams, and other higher maintenance partners. keeping up good relations with associates is crucial to keeping rocket operating as it does.

– AUTOPSIES performed especially on those who have died under unclear or unexplained circumstances, or those in a state that others in the same field don't necessarily want to examine. afterwards, sending out odd findings to the labs and accompanying the scientific teams in examinations of them.

– WELLNESS CHECKS as one of the heads of the medical staff, he performs routine medical and physical checkups on members of rocket, making sure they are in good shape mentally and physically and fit for their designated duties and ranks. he also keeps track of those injured in duty and their healing process, both temporary and chronic. those promoted from officers upwards get an especially thorough checking.

– GUN CONTROL / MARTIAL ARTS TRAINING holding out classes, both for groups and private, with proper weapon handling and martial arts techniques.

– GUN TRADE in control of the massive trade of gun and weapon smuggling from the kanto & johto areas and overseas.

– ASSASSINATIONS he can work his way through a sniper rifle, whenever rocket needs someone out of the picture for good. also occasionally does outsider commissions on this, when someone is ready to pay top (poké)dollar.

SIDE DUTIES

– SUPPLY TRADE watches over the group of scientists working outside the organization in charge of manufacturing them special battle and healing items like potions and poké balls with certain performance-boosting enhancements.

– POKÉMON TRAINING CLASSES especially for dark types due to being a specialist and the type being notoriously difficult to train.

– THE POKÉMON BREEDING INDUSTRY with a focus on the more on-demand and rare species, like dratinis and porygons.

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

Haven't heard from you in a while, hope you're doing well! <3

Hey, nonnie - I'm doing alright. Personal ramble below the cut. Skip if you're just here for fanfic reading and don't care about my silly little melodrama.

Not going to go into too much detail, but I've been really feeling the depression lately. For context, I have clinical depression and take a really high dose of antidepressants, which fuck with other aspects of my life (i.e. weight and lack of sleep). Medical consensus is that I'll need medication for the rest of my life as my brain does not perform the appropriate mood-regulating functions (I'm not super sure what the specifics of this are). I've struggled with low feeling, demotivation, SI/SH etc. for nearly nine years now. I've slipped into a bit of an episode lately - not necessarily related to being online but Tumblr is a part of it - but I'm trying to work my way out of it by picking up some new-old hobbies, such as crochet, and doing things that I like and that don't stress me. I'm safe and don't have the opportunity to action any of my feelings, so please don't worry about me!

Unfortunately, Tumblr has been a source of stress for me since I've come on here. I've made some downright terrible choices in friends, in behaviour, in the amount of energy I commit to this space, and the only one who can really break this cycle is me. This site hosts a really wide range of personalities, and I just... feel like I've encountered some of the absolute worst among all of that, and it's done me absolutely no favours when it comes to making good choices. We all say that as adults, we should know better, but there's no sudden switch that flips, you know? We spend our whole lives making mistakes and learning from them. Adulthood isn't the abrupt entry into moral infallibility, and that's been something I've had to address and work through when it comes to my own failings.

To be perfectly honest, Tumblr isn't a supportive place. Or the people aren't. I don't really know which. To clarify, I do generally speak of the community of artists and writers in this, not the people here who just want to enjoy art or read someone's fanfic. I suppose there's a certain level of - I don't know - self-centredness? - when it comes to creating an online presence and sharing one's own creations on the internet. That mentality, I think, bleeds over into feelings of entitlement in creative communities. Entitlement to other people's time, to people's attention, to people's promotion, and when one doesn't get that, the problems start: (best to worst =) transactional interaction, badmouthing, hate anons, public bashing, and the list goes on. I've definitely been someone who has been upset by people's lack of interaction. I've responded with "oh, I'm not reblogging until they reblog mine" more than once. We all know that I've been involved with badmouthing and publicly bashing others. I continue to be very ashamed of this, and I am honest with myself about what I've done and how I got there in my journey working through my problems and making meaningful change in my life.

Anyway, point is - I'm trying to divorce myself from the entitlement, and I think to do that I need to divorce myself from the notion that we exist as a community. I've put far too much effort into that idea, and it's gotten me absolutely nowhere. There are more people who dislike me than not. Most just straight-up ignore me. I deserve it, sure, but (or maybe and) I have no intention of continuing to engage in a space that either doesn't exist or where I'm not wanted. I've felt anxious and upset at the mere thought of going on Tumblr the past few months. It hasn't been bringing me joy anymore, and that was the whole point of it. There's so much bad blood associated with being on here, but I love writing. I love this show. I can't give up something that makes me so happy in every respect other than this one site.

So I've taken some time off, reassessed the way I'm intending to use this space, and I've essentially decided that I started it for me so I'm going to do it for me. I'm going to interact with who I want and post what I want and damn absolutely everyone who tries to police me (of which there has been A LOT - apparently I have a "responsibility" to support others which I now know is actually code for "I'm jealous that you're getting any kind of attention online, so instead of addressing my issue with this, I'm going to vaguepost about/anon/DM you to try and guilt you into giving my work attention so that maybe it'll transfer to me").

For the casual peruser, no change at all. But I'm done giving my effort to the idea of 'community'. It doesn't exist, or I don't belong. I am going to do what makes me happy now, and only what makes me happy. That's the whole point. I'm sick of focusing on negatives. I'm sick of posting about them, to be honest. I think this mindset will do me good.

If you've gotten this far, I hope that it's okay that I've decided this. I'm feeling positive about it!