#and of course les would blame himself for every one of his problems

[zivazivc]

my brainrot about these two can be measured in liters

[becauseimanicequeen]

RANDOM THOUGHTS: Unknown ep. 11

I’m just going into this episode wanting Qian and Yuan’s first kiss. That’s it. That’s all. Now, hit me with it!

Qian grabbed Yuan’s wrist. It was all the confirmation Yuan needed. I have a feeling that he will be even bolder now than what we’ve seen so far. And I love it.

Well, damn! That went from 0-100kph really fast. Yuan was starving, and I don’t blame him. He’s been starving for a loooong time. Even dreaming about it at night, it seems.

I love that Qian took the first step with the kiss. Yuan was straightforward and honest about his feelings and what he wanted (to be more than a brother, to be someone Qian could rely on, to be with Qian for the rest of his life, etc.). But Qian took the first step with the kiss. He’s finally “in his feelings” rather than trying to think it through or analyze it.

One thing I have to say I didn’t quite like about this scene, though, was the editing. I don’t mind the flashbacks (as in the flashbacks of some of their past moments) because it shows their story and adds emotional weight to the whole scene. I love that. But the buildup wasn’t there since the sequence of Yuan making his feelings clear and the kiss was chopped up and strewn here and there. For me, it would’ve been much more effective if it happened in chronological order (or if the confrontation from the previous scene had been in the same episode). The editing here fell a bit flat for me and it’s such a shame considering the potential it had of being an incredible climax of the whole series, that they were finally together. Ahhh, I don’t want to feel disappointed…

Look at them being cozy in bed! It’s Yuan’s neck kisses that do it for me…

Btw, this is probably the first time Qian has smiled when anyone has mentioned Lili and San Pang in the same sentence.

The way Yuan sneaked into his own room… lmfao!

The way I CACKLED because of Lili’s bonkers story.

A dating game? I’m getting Our Dating Sim flashbacks.

Here’s Qian, in the middle of a meeting at work, getting flashbacks of his night having sex with Yuan. 1. Absolutely understandable. 2. He’s completely whipped. So, again, understandable. 3. There’s no doubt he wants to have sex with Yuan again. And again. And again. So, once again, understandable.

The way he hit that figure and caught it before it hit the floor… Qian was clearly rattled by his daydream. And who can blame him? My legs would be shaking. (But this is not about me…)

So… The Doc and Le are fucking, right?

You know, Le is damn fine… when he doesn't look like a crazy person. Eh, who am I kidding? He’s sexy as hell when he looks like a crazy person. (I know, it’s a me-problem…)

OMG! Their date. The way I fucking laughed through the whole scene. Yuan accusing Qian of not being romantic, Qian proving the opposite, Qian’s reaction after the kiss, Long being funny as hell with the candle. Every moment was fucking golden! Excuse me as I rewind that a handful of times.

Of course, Qian’s trauma would come back up again at some point. It’s not like he’s dealt with it or been magically “healed”. I’m honestly wondering how the series will deal with his trauma (both the trauma around his childhood and his head trauma) considering there’s only half of this episode plus the next one left.

It doesn’t surprise me one bit that Qian went to the hospital by himself. I get that he doesn’t want to worry Yuan. But he isn’t even giving Yuan the chance to choose for himself.

Hitting yourself on the head won’t help…

It’s come to a point now that Qian has to tell Lili about his health. I mean, surgery seems to be the only option to get better, but the risks are too big to keep it secret.

Qian is talking as if he’s already set on dying. This is so unlike the fighter and survivor he used to be. And, of course, Yuan notices that something’s off.

Seriously, hasn’t Qian learned his lesson about not keeping something like this from Yuan?

I usually love miscommunicating (or non-communicating) characters because of the misunderstandings and drama it usually stirs up. And I love the misunderstandings and drama (in fiction, not real life, btw). BUT! This is riling me up. This is about Qian’s life. His health is in serious danger. Is it in line with his character? Yes, to a certain point. But how many times has he shown how important his family is to him? MANY! Practically the whole series so far. Why would he not want to prepare them for the possibility that he might not be around much longer? This isn’t the time to stay silent. This isn’t the time to avoid the topic. Come on, Qian. Don’t do this to Yuan. Or Lili.

Did you hear that, Qian? The Doc said to discuss it with your family.

The stress Qian is under has made him hide in an ally and start smoking again… If that blood clot in his head doesn’t kill him, the stress surely will.

Excuse me as I weep for a minute or two…

I only have one thing to say about that moment in the alley… Qian is so fucking lucky to have Yuan in his life. We’ve often talked about how lucky Yuan was that Qian found him (which is more than valid because he most likely wouldn’t have survived without Qian). But Qian is just as lucky to have Yuan in his life. Yuan single-handedly reignited the spark in Qian and brought the fighter in him back to life. And Qian needed that. He needed it to at least have a possibility to survive this.

I know I said I only wanted to mention one thing about that scene. But I have to mention Yuan biting Quan’s wrist as well, for the reason that I loved that detail. And because biting is my kind of kink. Not that this was kinky. But it does show that biting can prove a point at times.

Lili is so fucking sweet. And that hug at the end, between all three of them…

I really liked this episode, even though I felt disappointed with the editing at the beginning. But, they’re finally together and Qian has gotten his fighting spirit back.

Now there’s only one episode left and it feels bittersweet. I really don’t want this series to end…

[bartxnhood]

you’re not her. | p.p

| andrew!peter x gn!reader

summary: after losing you best friend, gwen, you learn how to deal with your emotions and help your mutual friend, peter. that is, until he breaks down.

warnings: a lot of angst, possible language, mentions of injuries.

authors note: this is a very common prompt in the spider-man fanfic universe but again, id like to share my take on this. enjoy.

Copyright © 2022 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

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pain.

is what peter felt, after recovering gwen’s body in that clock tower. he was never the same. his eyes became dull, he lost all motivation to do anything. he didn’t want to face you. he knew how much you loved gwen like a sister. when he saw you at the funeral he felt so guilty. he was losing a piece of him every day, he held on to that guilt. gwen’s death will forever haunt him.

it was only after gwen’s funeral you had confronted peter about her death. a part of you wanted to put all of the blame on him for losing your best friend. but, you also knew how stubborn she was. she wanted to help her boyfriend. but, it cost her, her life. it was unbelievable actually. you never expected her to die..so..suddenly. it had taken a huge toll on your mental health and it was starting to get the best of you.

you saw it in peter too, he lost his gleam. his laughter, his personality. of course, you cared for him, he was a friend. nothing more. you had to be there for him, even if he didn’t want you. you knew he needed a support system but you didn’t know if you could be a good one, considering your differences.

“peter!” you waved him over in the courtyard of the school. he looked up, probably lost in thought, he took out his earbuds. “yeah?” he asked leaning against the pillar looking at you. “my mom invited you to dinner tonight, and i have a bit of homework i need some help with” he nodded, “uh sure. what time?”

you shrugged, “around six? we can still have some time for homework after.” he nodded, looking around the campus then back at you. “yeah, ill be there. see ya later, y/n.” he waved goodbye and stuck his earbud back into his ear. you waved and sighed watching him walk away. you saw it in his eyes, it was killing him. you never thought he was showing his face on college grounds again, but he did. you didn't know how to help him, hell, you were still trying to cope all these months later. you stood up from the bench and went about your day. you didn't know if peter even thought of you as a close friend, but you didn't want him having no one. even superheroes needed a shoulder to cry on sometimes. with a huff, you turned in your heels and made your way to the other side of campus.

you just wanted to know what was going on inside of his mind. you knew what was in yours, but what was in his? you knew he blamed himself every day. you didn’t see him for the rest of the day, even during your shared class. nothing.

at home, you sat on your bed with a book wide open to chapters you were studying. you were a good student in most of your classes, but when it came down to anything with numbers or science you felt like an idiot. that was your biggest problem in school and your parents often got on to you about that. so, you would stay up late hours just to try and comprehend what was written in the books.

knock, knock

you looked up from the book, across your room to your door. typical peter. not using the door. you sighed getting up from your bed and waking to your window and opened it for him. “you know i have a front door, peter” you laughed, he responded with a lousy smile and crawled inside. he dropped his bag down by your desk. “what’s for dinner?” he asked, looking around your room.

“filet mignon, moms cooking this time. dads on a business trip” you answered while closing your window. “sounds good.” he shrugged, you looked at him. “cmon, let’s go” you said, patting his back and leaving your room.

“so, peter. how have you been these days?” your mom asked, taking a sip of her drink. “i’m uh..doing okay, ma’am. just got some stuff going on” he answered, looking up from his plate. it was one of the first times he’s said anything since arriving. you just wish you could help him cope. but, this was all you could do.

you and peter helped your mom clean up after dinner and then you two were off to work on homework. you sat in the middle of your bed, where you had just left everything open and peter was grabbing his books coming to sit next to you on your bed. you sat in silence for a while.

meanwhile, peter kept having flashes of when he visited gwen through her window. he couldn’t get her out of his mind, he was thinking about her every day. so many things reminded him of her. you even reminded peter of gwen.

“peter?” your voice quickly pulled him from his thoughts. he stared at you with no expression, only blinking. “i’ve been asking you about this question for like three minutes. are you okay?” he shrugged, looking away and messing with his pencil. immediately, you knew. you closed your books and pushed them to the side. “what’s going on, parker? you need to talk to someone.” he shook his head, “i can't. it’s too much” you sighed, rubbing your temple. “i just want to help..”

he scoffed, “yeah. i know. but you just don’t get it y/n. if i hadn’t had brought her with me, if i hadn’t fallen in love with her she’d still be alive. she would be here right now.” he stood up, closing his books and grabbing his back and stuffing everything in. “you just don’t get it, at all. you’ll never know what i had to deal with every day.” he opened your window and stepped out, turning to look at you once more. “tell your mom i said thanks for dinner.”

oh god, what did he just do? he never stormed out like that on you before. all of his bottled-up emotions were getting the best of him. he was never home, he rarely got any sleep. he didn’t talk to you anymore on the off occasion he would lose you too. but he knew how stubborn you were. you watched him disappear in the night, you laughed dryly staring at the new empty fire escape. you got up and walked over slamming your window.

for the next two weeks, you barely heard from him, you had seen him a few times in your classes with him but he only ever said a “hey” or “hi”. but eventually, you got a “sorry” from him but that’s all. no explanation. of course, it hurt, you knew he was suffering and he didn’t want any help. that’s what killed you.

by the end of the second week you had gone out with some other friends to get your mind off everything. one night, you were out pretty late and your friend had left you. thankfully, you weren’t drunk. you started on your way home.

within fifteen minutes you started hearing a loud commotion, when walking around a corner you saw the one and only spiderman fighting some..monster? you didn’t know what your next approach was seeing as you had to go through the street to get home. you lingered, watching behind that corner to see if your friend could take down the monster. you watched as peter was now being pinned on the brick wall, followed by a loud bang as he fell to the ground below him.

in a panic you quickly yelled, “hey!! over here!!” you knew it was a bad idea, very bad actually. but you couldn’t let peter get beat to a pulp.

the monster turned around, revealing his skeleton-looking face. you didn’t know exactly what you were going to accomplish by doing that, but you did. the creature began moving closer to you until someone swooped bringing you into his arms to the other side, clear of the monster.

“what the hell, y/n?!” he yelled, putting you on the ground standing in front of you but also on high alert that the creature would come crawling for him. “i was just trying to help!” you answered back, he shook his head. “no, you were being an idiot” his words stung. “peter, you were getting hurt!” “i can handle myself!” you stepped back, you only stared at his red and blue suit and mask, hiding his identity.

“peter..” you started but he cut you off. “you’re not gwen! okay?! you don’t know how to help!” he yelled, ripping his mask off which fully revealed his bruising and dry blood. “just go home. this isn’t something you need to mess with” and then he put his mask back on and swung away. you watched him leave, you took a deep breath in, processing what he just said. you turned around and started home.

when peter got home, he only had time then to fully realize what he had just told you. he sat on the edge of his bed, covered in bruises and blood. he held his mask in his hands. “how much will i lose?” he muttered then threw the mask down and stood up taking the infamous suit off.

he had to apologize. you were only trying to help, but he didn’t want to relive his past mistake with you. you were there for him this entire time and he was too blinded by anger and sadness. he couldn’t lose you like he lost gwen.

it wasn’t long until he was knocking on your window again like weeks before. he didn’t see you until you stepped back into your room, he guessed you had just got out of the bathroom because your makeup was off. but, it also gave him the hint that you’ve been crying. your eyes were bloodshot.

when you opened the door, you wiped your eyes and sniffled. “what, peter?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“y/n..i’m sorry” he started picking at his nails. “i’m sorry for what i said. i was being harsh and it was in the moment..” he admitted, looking up at you. you sighed standing to the side, “come in, it’s cold out there”. you didn’t want him to freeze but you also didn’t want to lose the hot air.

“i know you were trying to help, i know you’ve been struggling to and though you’ve tried being there for me, i was too blinded to even think of being there for you. and i’m sorry, y/n.” his voice started breaking, with tears brimming his eyes when he talked about gwen. he sat down next to you on the bed, “i didn’t mean what i said, i know we have our differences but you’ve been such a good friend to me..”

“you really loved her..huh?” you asked, putting your hand on his shoulder trying to comfort his crying. he nodded, “i loved her more than anything in this world, and now she’s dead because of me” he covered his eyes and sobbed. you bit the inside of your cheek and hugged him. “i know..she loved you too, peter. she wouldn’t want you like this. you don’t need to blame yourself. just promise me, you’ll talk to me, or someone else. if you keep all of this inside it will kill you”

you pulled away, making eye contact. “i promise, y/n. you aren’t gonna lose me either”

[a-la-rascasse]

Happy birthday BRUCE MCLAREN!!!!! (30/08/1937 - ∞) 🧡💗⚡

“Life is measured in achievements, not in years alone.”

Bruce Leslie McLaren was born in Auckland, New Zealand, he was the son of Les and Ruth Mclaren and was the middle child of three: he had an older sister, called Patricia and a younger one, called Janice. His father, Les, used to compete in two-wheel local races, along with his brothers; but after suffering an injury, he saw himself forced to compete on four wheels. From an early age, Bruce was 'immersed', not only in the world of racing, but of mechanics too: his father owned a service station, equipped with a small workshop, which soon became Bruce's playground; little Bruce used to pretend-play he was 'fixing' his trike, so whenever tools dissapeared, everyone knew who to blame. But soon Bruce's life would abruptly change forever: at-nine-and-a-half years old, he started to feel a sharp pain in his left hip, and developed a slight limp. Mistaken at first for polio, after a couple x-rays, the specialists determined that young Bruce contracted 'Pethese Disease', which meant that his body had cut off the blood supply to the top of his femur. The only cure was to lay down and rest; at first they said for several months, but unfortunately, it dragged on for two years, that he would end up spending in the Wilson Home for crippled children. Left with the left leg shorter than the other, and with a slight limp that he will have for the rest of his life, Bruce had to learn to walk again: first with a wheelchair, then with the help of crutches. As his fascination for mechanics grew, he enrolled for an engineering course at an Auckland college, he left the crutches behind as he was slowly getting his life and freedom back.

In 1952, Les wanted to buy a car to restore, so that he could later sell it and make a profit from it. His big chance came when he bought a 1929 Austin 7 Ulster for only 110$, the only problem was that it came in pieces, so father and son joined forces and worked together on the car tirelessly, but the result was worth it: an open-topped, spoke-wheeled, chrome-grilled, fiery red racing model, ready to hit the race track. Upon seeing the result, something clicked in Bruce's brain, as its roaring engine called for him. With his pure excitment, he persuaded his father in to keeping the Ulster, determined in wanting to learn how to drive it, and the only place where he could do that was the family's garden. Excitment grew even more when Les entered the car for an hill climb race at the Muriwai beach, with the intention to drive it, but unfortunetly he fell sick, leaving Bruce to take the place in the driver's seat. Bruce would compete in his first race, and proceed to win it, getting the first taste of victory. He was only 15 years old. Yet his real official race debut, will come two years later, at the wheel of a Ford 10 Special, at the New Zealand Grand Prix.

Bruce kept on shining, showing his worth at every race he took part in, and in the meantime, he kept developing his mechanical skills, always with his dad by his side. In 1957, New Zealand was part of the 'Driver to Europe' programme, that aimed to help Kiwi drivers to be able to race in the top Formulas, Bruce of course was part of the short list, and given his racing talent and mechanical skills, he was eventually chosen to leave for England, leaving his family behind for the first time. As he was well welcomed in the Cooper team, he graduated to a Formula 2 Cooper-Climax. However, as he was still driving in F2, and leading the championship, he would have his Formula 1 debut at the 1958 German Grand Prix, due to a sudden decision that saw both F1 and F2 cars, compete in the same race. Bruce would finish the race overall in 5th place, meanwhile in the F2 category he finished 1st, meaning that he won the F2 championship.

In 1959, after his big success, he got promoted to F1, racing along side Jack Brabham in the Cooper team. Bruce accepted his role as second driver, and was taken under Jack's wing; he would go and surprisingly have a very successfull first year, where he would score his first podium at US GP, becoming the youngest grand prix winner (he was only 22 year old). The next season was once more very successful: he gained another victory, this time at the Argentinian GP, and ended the season as runner up in the championship, just behind Jack; the following year Jack would leave the team, leaving Bruce to become the lead driver. His third podium would come in 1962, on the most prestigious race track in F1, that is Monaco.

The next year, inspired by now his ex-teammate, Jack, Bruce decided to form his own team, which turned out to be not an easy thing to do, but with some sacrifices and determination, what once was only an idea, will later become real: only after two years spent mainly competing in sports cars races, Tasman series and Bruce taking part in testing sessions to gain more money, he took the big decision to enter his 'young' team in F1. The McLaren team would make its debut at the 1966 Monaco GP. Despite the race ended with Bruce retiring with an engie failure, it didn't dishearten the team, on the contrary, it pushed them to do better, with determination and time, they'd get the results they were aiming for. With Kiwi Denny Hulme joining the team, the car still had a few reliability issues, infact the 1968 season didn't start in the best way, but on the 4th race, held at Spa-Francochamps, McLaren will score its first big victory: after a fierce battle with Pedro Rodriguez on the tricky Belgian circuit, it will be Bruce himself that'll claim his team's first victory. With this big achivement, the following season was even more promising: with Bruce never finishing lower than fifth and with only a retirment, he would end the season in third place in the championship standings; everything was finally working out. Yet the 1970 season was off a bad start: Bruce retired twice, but managed to finish 2nd at the Spanish GP, scoring what would be his last podium. Tragedy would later strike: in June, Bruce would lose his life, while testing his new Can-Am car.

The loss of Bruce motivated the team to continue, to not leave in vain what they've done and went through, because that's what Bruce would have wanted and what he involuntarely taught them, to never give up. With that spirit, McLaren went on, and started winning championships, becoming the second most successful team in Formula 1, only after Ferrari.

What is not often mentioned, is that Bruce showed to be a very versitile driver: one category that he dominated with ease was the Can-Am series in the mid/late 60s, in which he raced with his own cars that were often considered the best in the category, with their innovative, neat designs and incredible speed. Thanks to that, in '67 and '69 he became Can-Am champion.

Active member of the Ford programme, he soon became one of the top tester for Ford, thanks to his mechanical skills and incredible intuitivness. Always for Ford he would take part various times in the 24 hours of Le Mans, and would end up winning it in 1966, with fellow Kiwi and F1 driver, Chris Amon.

His first win in 1959, would grant him the title of youngest Grand Prix winner, a record that he would hold for over 40 years, it would later be broken by Fernando Alonso in 2003.

After Jack Brabham and Dan Gurney, Bruce is the third constructor-driver to have won a Grand Prix in his own car for his own team.

Bruce never lived the glamourous life of the stereotypical racing driver. He's often pictured with his face smeared with oil and dirt of the racetraks, always getting his hands dirty while working with his mechanics on the car. That's what striked people about Bruce, in a world of competition, he was humble, charismatic, humorous and painfully enthusiastic about everything. His warm and disarming smile never disappeared from his cherubic face; even when he would lose, he 'would limit himself to smile less'. 🧡

[pascalsummers]

Paralyzed (Bucky x Male Reader)

Summary: You tend to freeze around your crush a lot. Maybe a song will help

A/N: This is my first post on here! I hope you enjoy it! Also the song used is called Paralyzed by Big Time Rush.

-

Having your crush think you hate them was the biggest mistake of your life. You didn't mean for it to end up this way but life had a way of messing with you. It all started the first day you meet Bucky. You were sitting in the living room scrolling through your phone when he walked in. You heard about the man from Steve and the rest of the Avengers. You were an Avenger yourself but a more "Call me if you need me." member. So you never actually saw how he looked. "Oh, you must be Y/N? I'm Bucky." He said causing you to turn around to him staring at you. The moment your eyes meet you instantly fell in love with him. This is why you stared at him wide-eyed before speed walking out of the room. Sadly you had the unfortunate tendency to get paralyzed every time you saw a crush of yours. Meaning you never actually talked to any of them. You tried to talk to Bucky but every time he looked at you your confidence fell to the floor and you quickly left the scene. It didn't take long for the rest of the Avengers to see you in action. It confused all of them to see you avoid Bucky like the plague especially Steve. This is why you were being seated in the conference room with Steve and Tony at the moment. "I already told you guys I don't hate Bucky!" You exclaimed leaning back in your chair. You were always asked the same question and it irritated you. Of course, you can't blame them since you never gave them a straight answer. "You say you don't hate him. But leaving the room the moment he walks in doesn't say much else. You see the problem here?" Tony said waving his hand around the room emphasizing why you were dragged in here in the first place. "Bucky's a good man Y/N. I know his past isn't the greatest but he's trying to make up for it. You don't have to be friends with him just... give him a chance okay?" Steve pleaded, giving you a small smile though you could see the hurt in his eyes. Steve was probably the most hurt by your actions since he and Bucky go way back. You opened your mouth to say something but decided against it. Instead, you mumbled a small okay before walking out of the room and heading straight to yours. Though you weren't at the tower a lot they still wanted you to have a room letting you know you were always welcomed. As you turned the corner you found yourself bumping into someone. "Sorry, my-" You started before you looked up and saw you bumped into none other than Bucky himself. You immediately looked at the ground avoiding his gaze. "Sorry." You said quickly before speed walking away from him.                                                             + + + + Bucky watched as you walked down the hall, your form slowly getting smaller before disappearing completely. He let out a heavy sigh as he turned his head back to where you were standing. Bucky was used to people avoid him considering his past. Though watching you do it hurt him more than it should have. Though that was probably because he had a small crush on you. He continued walking down the hall finding the conference room door wide open. Walking closer he could make out the voice of Tony and Steve who seemed to be talking about you. "I think he's scared of me," Bucky said leaning against the doorway catching the attention of Steve and Tony. Steve let out a small sigh. "Could be. I'm sorry Buck." Bucky waved him off. "It's not your fault. I'm... used to it. even if it's from an Avenger." He said trying not to sound as hurt as he felt.                                                             + + + + After locking yourself in your room you fell onto your bed, letting out a long groan. You knew you had to tell Bucky sooner or later. With your other crushes you usually never saw them the next school year and could forget they ever existed. But Bucky? you couldn't forget him you didn't want to forget him. So with that, you dragged yourself to your desk and began writing. You were a singer in a band before you joined the Avengers. The team would always want to hear you sing whenever it was brought up but you were too shy to do it. Whenever you got a crush you always wrote a song about them and kept it in a binder in your house. You never performed those or your other original songs cause of nerves. This week though all of that would change. It didn't take you long to write the song which surprised you. "Okay, now to show the band." You said to yourself as you grabbed your bag and stuffed the papers in. You opened your door and did a quick peek outside seeing if Bucky was coming down the hall. Once the coast looked clear you stepped into the hallway and made a beeline to the elevator. Finding your bandmates was also a walk in the park. Since all of them were roommates anyway and never left home. You showed them the song and they were ecstatic to perform it. So that week while you were out of the tower you and your bandmates worked on the song till it was perfect. Now the only hard part was performing it.                                                             + + + + It was about a month after the talk with Tony and Steve and things were... progressing between you and Bucky. Now you could be in the room with him for at most two minutes before running away! The team didn't like how short the time was but it was some progress. The Avengers were in the living room talking amongst themselves when you barged into the room catching everyone's attention. "You okay Y/N?" Natasha asked still moving the bowl of popcorn out of Clint's reach. You took a deep breath and collected yourself. "My band is having a show tonight and I want you all to come and watch me!" You said as fast as you could before your confidence ran out. The room fell silent for a minute before everyone started cheering. It surprised you how eager they were to hear you sing. With that, you told them all to get dressed and gave them the location before leaving the room. You mentally high-fived yourself for getting this far. Now all you had to do was sing the song and confess to your crush at the same time.                                                             + + + + "Dude you are shaking more than usual." Brett, your guitarist, said while he messed around with his instrument. Brett and you have been friends ever since you were kids so he knew what was up when you gave them the song. You took a deep breath while fiddling with the mic in your hand. "I have so many first happening today. My first time singing a song in front of the avengers, my first time performing an original song, my first time telling a crush I like them? It's... a lot to handle at once." You admitted feeling a little bit better after getting it off your chest. Brett gives you a kind smile. "Y/N your gonna do great. Just remember to breathe and know that I will always have your back. Okay?" You smiled at his kind words feeling yourself relax more. You were going to say something else but a voice signaling your band to come on stage stopped you. "Well, no turning back now." You joked as you took one final breath before walking onto the stage. Immediately you see the Avengers all seated at a table closest to the stage all wearing a suit or a dress. Seeing Bucky in a black suit with his hair tied back almost made you faint on the spot but you had a job to do. After the clapping died down you cleared your throat and began your little speech before the show. "Hey everyone it's good to be back! So today is a special occasion not only because we have earth's greatest defenders here with us tonight but we're also performing our first original song!" The amount of clapping and wooing you heard was almost deafening. Though you didn't know if they were clapping about the song or the people. "The lyrics are pretty self-explanatory so I won't bore you with the meaning. Without further ado here's our song Paralyzed!" With that, you signaled to your band to begin playing the song. As the song began to play you took one last breath and closed your eyes feeling the music flow through you. It was now or never.                                                             + + + + To say the Avengers were excited to hear you would be an understatement. They were practically bouncing in their seats like little kids waiting to hear you sing. Well except for Bucky who tried to keep a neutral look but anyone could see he didn't want to be there. Before they left he told Steve that you probably didn't want him to come but invited him anyway to be nice. Steve could see the look on Bucky's face and tried to reassure him. "Come on Buck. We're here now aren't we? Might as well enjoy it right?" He reasoned giving Bucky a small smile. Bucky rolled his eyes in response but tried to get comfortable. Though he thought you hated him, he did want to hear your voice. Even if it would never be directed towards him. You, you walked into the room On a Friday afternoon That's when I saw you for the first time And I was paralyzed The moment those words left your mouth the Avengers were surprised by how good you sounded. Though Bucky furrowed his brows as he thought about the first time he met you. "Could he? No that can't be it." Bucky reasoned with himself trying to focus on your voice instead of the lyrics. I had a million things to say But none of them came out that day 'Cause I was never one of those guys That always had the best lies Bucky once again thought about the first time you too met and how the lyrics seemed to fit. Though he once again wrote it off as a really weird coincidence. Right? I try to speak, but boy you got me tongue-tied I try to breathe but I'm f-f-f-frozen inside I try to move but I'm stuck in my shoes You got me paralyzed, paralyzed, p-p-p-paralyzed

I see you walking, but all you do is pass me by Can't even talk, cause words don't come into my mind I'd make a move if I had the guts to But I'm paralyzed, paralyzed, p-p-p-paralyzed As you sang those lyrics the Avengers started to piece things together. They went wide-eyed when the realization hit them. It was a love song. A love song about Bucky. Now I learned a lot from my mistake Never let a good thing slip away I've had a lot of time to look back And my only regret is Not telling you what I was going through But you didn't even know that "I think this is about you, Buck," Steve whispered during the second chorus, playfully jabbing his friend in the side. Bucky barely registered Steve's voice as his mind tried to wrap around the fact that you didn't hate him. In fact, it was the total opposite. As the years go by I think about you all the time, whoa If I get the chance I hope I won't be paralyzed, paralyzed by you Bucky watched as you closed your eyes, finally feeling all your confidence return with a vengeance. When you opened your eyes your E/C ones were staring into his blue ones. You walked into the room On a Friday afternoon Bucky couldn't help the smile that crept onto his lips as he watched you. The rest of the Avengers spent the time looking between you and Bucky still shocked by the love confession. "I think it's safe to say no one was expecting this?" Clint whispered to the team who all just slowly nodded in agreement. When the song ended there was silence for a small moment before the crowd went wild. Bucky watched you breathing heavily, your eyes still trained on his. Without much thought, Bucky got up from his seat and walked to the stage causing the room to fall silent. Bucky could see the worry in your eyes as he got close to you. Though it only lasted for a small moment before the man pressed his lips to yours. The crowd once again went crazy including the Avengers who were more than happy to see the two of you together. "I thought you hated me." Bucky breathed out as he rested his forehead on yours. You chuckled slightly still trying to catch your breath from the song and the kiss. "I don't hate you Bucky. I'm just an idiot." "Well, you are my idiot now doll." He said before pressing his lips to yours again.

[simplepotatofarmer]

technoblade: a takedown - pt. 1

(not clickbait)

aka i go over every argument people make against c!techno one by one and determine whether they’re valid, false, or a mixture of both. i rewatched every single stream/video, including those on his alt channel, so i could approach this with the most information possible. i’ll be breaking this up into parts because there’s just too much otherwise. all about the characters unless stated.

techno believes in a ‘dog eat dog’ world - false

this is an argument i see used a lot when people discuss techno so i wanted to address it first. luckily, the stream in which he says this is only his fifth stream on the server. there’s one major reason why this argument falls apart and one minor reason that isn’t objective like the first.

first and most importantly: techno has never acted on this. even at the beginning - which is when this comment was made - he was helping his allies, from building railings to keep them from falling, making a potato farm, and all the gear he grinded for to equip his allies in pogtopia with. moving forward, he’s also helped out plenty of people: giving tommy a place to stay and items, telling phil to reach out to ranboo after doomsday, as well as giving both tommy and ranboo food when asked. there’s more, of course, but the point is he’s never once followed up on this statement. he teamed up with quackity to stop the egg. he spoke to niki about how he was giving anarchy a bad reputation because of the violence and wanted to take a different approach which he has.

when people use this argument to insist that techno is the villain, it doesn’t hold up because it’s merely taking one statement he made and upholding it as a main part of his character when his actions and later statements have shown that he doesn’t actually believe in this randian view point. objectively, i can’t see how this argument can extend beyond ‘well, he said it’. regardless of what he said during the pogtopia arc, he’s said the opposite later - wanting everyone to live free with no oppression or imperialism - and has never acted on it nor brought it up later. this take honestly seems disingenuous and was in fact the driving factor of this post.

second and not as critical, techno mentions multiple times during each of his first streams that he’s not sure who all is on his side. this is a reoccurring point for him. he makes the comment about wanting a dog eat dog world during the red festival stream, while speaking to bad and sam. the first part of the conversation is techno asking about state secrets since they’re (as far as techno knows) on manberg’s side. bad mentions schlatt killing cats and techno launches into a spiel about massive anarchy and the weak being huddled in fear, asking them how does that sound. bad says as long as there’s no cat murder, perhaps. bad then asks techno what his ‘single issue’ is and techno responds that he wants to destroy the government. to me, the context of the conversation, who he’s speaking to and what his opinion of those people is, is an important thing to consider.

techno’s ‘we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it’ comment means he was always going to betray pogtopia/l’manberg - valid but not how you think it is

i’ve seen people say that techno saying ‘we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it’ is a clear sign that he was always intending to betray pogtopia/l’manberg which, yeah? 

but i wouldn’t call it a betrayal. 

he says the ‘we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it’ line at the end of the ‘eve of revolution’ stream while he’s talking to quackity, ponk, and sam. the conversation is as follows:

techno, to quackity: i’m glad we could get to know each other. i heard you’re on our side now. i heard you betrayed schlatt.

quackity: yeah, that’s right. are you betraying anyone?

techno: no. i would never betray my personal ideals.

[some chatter from ponk and quackity]

sam: what does that mean? what if the people you’re fighting along [sic] have different ideals than you, though? doesn’t that mean you’d betray them?

techno: listen... we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.

then techno states that he ‘said what he said’ when sam questions him about his choice of metaphor.

he actually uses the same malaphor at the beginning of the ‘revolution’ stream when they (quackity and tubbo) question him again and in that case techno definitely avoids the subject which isn’t a good thing but considering everyone was so worked up about the possible traitor, i can completely understand.

overall, techno is extremely upfront about his intentions. yes, there is definitely some miscommunication between all the parties because none of them were on the same page but that doesn’t make techno the bad guy here nor does it mean he betrayed anyone. he was upfront about his intentions from the start.

in his first two streams, he makes a joke that if they happen to set up a new government/president that he would just take that one down and it would be a never-ending cycle. over and over, he says that he wants to do destroy the government/manberg. when tommy mentions taking it back, techno says, ‘what do you mean, take it back?’ though this kind of gets lost in the middle of everything else - dsmp (lack of) communication strikes again. 

the takeaway that i see here a lot is that techno always intended to betray them because he knew tommy wanted to take back l’manberg and knew that he would go against them if they set up a new government. and this is true to an extent! he did know that tommy wanted l’manberg back and he did know that he would go against them if they set up a new government. but wilbur was also telling techno that he was on board with the whole anarchy thing. 

none of them were on the same page and that surely led to a big chunk of what happened and hurt feelings on both sides but that doesn’t mean techno betrayed anyone or that he was the bad guy for doing exactly what he said he would do from day one.

techno destroying (l’)manberg was wrong - it’s complicated

the first thing to address here is that for most anarchists, destroying a government isn’t a bad thing. in fact, taking down the government/state is basically our goal. now, i don’t speak for all anarchists, of course, but overall the general feeling is that violence in the name of overthrowing an oppressive government is not inherently bad. there’s no way to do a one-for-one here because it’s minecraft but the general sentiment remains. so while violence enacted against the state is a bad thing for people who aren’t anarchists, techno has no reason to and would not view it as inherently bad.  

but it did hurt people and techno himself acknowledges that fact. he’s acknowledged what he’s done when confronted about it. he hasn’t said he was wrong because understanding that it was hurtful doesn’t mean he believes he was wrong. to him, he wasn’t. destroying what he viewed as an oppressive system was the right thing to do, even if it hurt people.

(also this isn’t any kind of meta but i think it needs to be pointed out that wilbur had already set off the tnt and techno summoned two killable mobs which did plenty of damage but he didn’t say wilbur was the great who came before them for no reason.)

again, this is going to be the most controversial part of this post because i don’t believe destroying government is a bad thing and i don’t believe techno is wrong for believing that as well. there are better ways to address the problem and techno is adjusting his tactics but if another government was to be established, i don’t believe he would be in the wrong to destroy it because he’s an anarchist.

the tl;dr of this section honestly could just be summed up with ‘watch less marvel, read more ursula k. le guin’.

‘techno is the villain because he called tommy the hero’ - so very false 

this is a take i’ve seen that to this day i don’t understand.

techno calling tommy the hero does not mean he was setting himself up as the villain in any capacity. it was merely pointing out tommy’s habit of putting himself at the forefront of almost every conflict, trying to shoulder everything, no matter how it hurts tommy himself. the speech was directed at that and nothing else. it doesn’t mean techno is the villain, it doesn’t even mean there is a villain; there are more stories to be told than the classic hero-villain and the hero-villain narrative doesn’t always apply to stories. (i’d certainly argue that it doesn’t apply to the dream smp but that’s a different conversation.)

techno is to blame for tubbo’s death - false

i think this one has been done to death but what would a techno post be without it?

no, techno is not to blame.

he said over and over that he was outnumbered and believed that if he had done anything, everyone would’ve turned on him and ‘torn him to shreds’. even if that wasn’t the case, it is what techno believed. he had no reason to think that he could take the entire crowd out until he actually fired the rocket launcher. and remember, he tested the rocket launcher earlier during the festival on niki (who volunteered) and it didn’t kill her. when he realized the amount of splash damage it did, he gives a surprised laugh and then begins firing into the crowd. 

as for saying he was under ‘mild’ amounts of peer pressure, techno has a habit of minimizing. not just the things he’s done, but often situations that he’s been in that were stressful. he stated that he deals poorly with high stress situations and one of the cognitive distortions that can come with anxiety is minimization. techno doesn’t actually believe it was ‘mild’ peer pressure - it was a situation that caused him enough distress that he brings it up later at doomsday - but it’s easier to deal with a situation when you downplay it, it’s easier for techno to keep up that calm façade when he’s acting as if whatever happened wasn’t that big of a deal even if it was. again, the way he speaks about it on doomsday was clearly upset and emotional. 

the only person to blame for tubbo’s death is schlatt. he was the one pulling the trigger and techno was the gun.

if you made it this far, thank you for sticking it out! i spent so many hours rewatching all the streams, some of them multiple times, while taking notes to be able to do this. i’m extremely passionate about techno and i feel as if a lot of the arguments against him tend to miss the nuance of his character. this project is on-going and i’ll be going over the butcher army/retirement storylines next. feel free to submit any points you’d like to see addressed! 

[barginbel]

aaaand here’s the bastard antagonist of Le Loup! This is Terrance Rex Morrison, local seedy loan shark and werebat who has caught word of a local boxer apart of WVBA who has recently has become a werewolf. Perfect.

Rex isn’t exactly the nicest person, he’s snobby and mean. Every time you talk to him, he always has this malicious yet calm attitude to him. He’ll do anything to make money, and that means manipulating as many people as possible. It’s been a few years since he first transformed into his bat form. He had been kept by scientists for experimental cures for a few years, making him rather resentful of people. He was released when they realized that making a cure would be too cost-heavy.

(Rex in captivity, his 3rd transformation. Taken in 2019.)

Afterwards, Rex had escaped to the big apple in search of furthering research to help himself and others. Over time however…he began to feel himself gaining control over his creature form the more the transformations happened. He began to get delusional,believing that his situation was more of a blessing than a curse. Through his research, he discovered a plant that can temporarily control lycanthropy: Monkshood, also known as Wolfsbane.

Eventually, he gets to meet the so-called “new guy.” A guy named Joseph, a meek guy from France. Calls himself “Glass Joe.” Joe’s afraid of himself, and he doesn’t blame him, he used to be afraid too. He introduces Joe to Monkshood, Rex tells him it’ll solve all his problems. He’ll just need a…small fee. It’s not cheap to raise all these flowers, yknow?

What Rex neglects to tell Joe, however, is that Wolfsbane can make transformations and the beastly behaviors of lycanthropy worse if you stop taking it. Of course, that’s his business method, afterall. When Joe learns this, it’s already too late.

Eventually they get to have a… one vs one discussion about this.

[eliemo]

Love Our Way

Summary: Virgil knew he should have said something right there. But he didn’t, because he knew that would be the end.

Notes: Ace Virgil fic with romantic LAMP

TWs: Mentions of sex but no details. A little bit of internalized acephobia but barely, Virgil just has negative self esteem.

They’d been together a few months now and it had been, without a doubt, the best few months of Virgil’s life. 

It’d been a bit nerve wracking in the beginning, those first couple of weeks, as excited and thrilled as he was, Virgil had been extra paranoid about doing something wrong, about giving them any reason to lose feelings for him. 

He honestly hadn’t thought it could work at first. Relationships rarely worked out with two people, let alone four. Eventually they would fight, or lose feelings, or decide it was all too complicated. And things would get awkward and they could all end up hating each other and who knew what it would do to Thomas if they could no longer stand to be in the same room—

But they didn’t. By some miracle, that never happened.

Things were...things were perfect, as scared as Virgil had been to use the word. They’d been amazing ever since the anxious side was allowed to join their family, the love and warmth a wonderful kind of overwhelming he’d never felt before, but actually dating the people he loved more than anything, no longer needing to be afraid to express his feelings…

It was more than he’d ever thought he would get. More than he ever thought could be possible. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe it was real. 

They fit together like puzzle pieces, making each other stronger, pushing each other to be better, gentle and encouraging, coexisting in peaceful harmony. 

Virgil had never felt so welcomed, so surrounded by unconditional support and affection. They showed him just how much he had to offer. For the first time he’d actually felt like he wasn’t just a burden. 

It was hard, especially when it took a while to convince himself that he wasn’t invited into the relationship out of convenience, but because they actually wanted him. 

But they loved him. He knew that now. They all loved each other, flaws and all. 

And, well...Virgil should have known it wouldn't last forever. 

Not for him. Because...because that was just the way things were, wasn’t it? He’d made progress, he wasn’t the bad guy anymore, but he was still Anxiety. Things were just destined to go wrong. 

He really hadn’t given a single thought. It never crossed his mind as something that could ever be a problem, even when they had initially gotten together. No one else seemed intent on bringing it up, so Virgil had figured they never would. 

But then it had. Logan had brought the topic up about a week ago, somewhat awkward but still painfully casual, the conversation simply to discuss everyone’s level of comfort when it came to intimacy. 

Which...yeah, Virgil guessed it made sense. They were dating, the four of them happy and comfortable with their relationship, and had been for months now. So obviously sex was going to get brought up eventually. Boundaries needed to be set before...anything actually happened. It was routine for a healthy relationship. 

Except Virgil hadn’t actually thought they would ever talk about it. Because he’d known for a long time that he was asexual and he’d just...kind of assumed the others were too.

Which in retrospect, was a stupid conclusion to jump to. 

Virgil had known for years now, long before befriending the others. It had taken him a while to be sure, lots of research and panic and overthinking, but he’d eventually grown comfortable with the label. It was just another part of who he was. 

But he’d also never really understood why. Thomas wasn’t asexual so it didn’t make any sense for Virgil to have a separate identity. 

Unless it was just something all the sides experienced, none of them able to feel that kind of attraction.

But he’d never actually gotten around to asking. No one brought it up, and before the...development in their relationship it never seemed like something that would be an issue. So he’d just assumed, and ran with it. 

But clearly that wasn’t the case. Not when Roman and Patton were responding to Logan’s question with varying levels of eagerness and approval, comfortable and willing to take the next step when they were all ready.  

And Virgil knew he should have said something right there. They had given him the perfect opportunity to come out, quick and easy, and avoid anything uncomfortable in the future. 

But he didn’t. Because...because that would be the end, wouldn’t it? 

They would be sweet about it, of course. Thank him for being honest. But if he was the only one who didn’t want that...well, what was the point of him being a part of things? 

It was a cruel thing to assume, he knew that. None of them were shallow enough to see sex as something necessary, and he knew they would never force him into anything. 

But...but he already offered so little. They already had to jump through so many hoops to accommodate his anxiety, and it wasn’t like he was particularly loving or good at romance, as hard as he tried. As loving and amazing as they were, this could simply be the final straw. 

He wanted to be with them. He wanted them in every other way. He loved them more than anything. But he wouldn’t fight it when they ended up distancing themselves from him. 

Virgil just wasn’t ready for that heartbreak yet. So he plastered on a fake smile, and nodded along with the others.

 He’d tell them tomorrow. The longer he waited, the worse it would be. 

_

“Movie night!” Patton declared, skipping into the living room where Virgil was scrolling aimlessly on his phone. “And don’t think you’re getting out of it this time, Virge!”

Virgil tried to ignore the way his stomach twisted at the phrasing, swallowing against rising panic and sending Patton a smile. It was just movie night, same as every Friday. 

It had been two weeks now, and he still hadn’t told them. He’d managed to avoid last week’s movie night with the excuse of an upset stomach, desperately trying not to think about what they could be doing without him. 

And now...now he’d have to tell. They’d already be upset he waited this long, he couldn’t put it off any longer. 

Besides, they’d all be in the same bed all night, as they often were, relaxed and happy and enjoying each other’s company. They wouldn’t ever force him into something he wasn’t comfortable with, even if they wanted nothing to do with him after he came out. 

He’d lied, after all. He should have told them right away. 

“I'll be right there,” he said, forcing a smile as Patton made his way upstairs to his bedroom where the others were likely waiting. “Just...give me a second.” 

This was it, then. Hopefully afterwards, it wouldn’t be too awkward. Hopefully they would still be willing to keep him around as a friend. 

They were all waiting for him by the time he made it to Roman’s room, the three of them sprawled out on the bed in a pile of laughs and smiles, and Virgil’s heart felt like it was trying to break through his chest. 

He loved them so much. He wanted nothing more than to forget all of this and be held in their arms, content and warm until the sun came up. 

But putting it off wasn’t fair to them. And it wasn’t fair to him either. 

“Virgil!” Roman exclaimed, and Virgil felt lightheaded at the fond, excited looks he was being given. “Come help us choose a movie!” 

He almost chickened out again, just for a second. But he couldn’t panic. Not until it was out in the open and he could deal with the consequences. 

After tonight, he could very well end up alone again. Isolated like a villain. 

Why did he have to keep turning out to be different? Why was he always meant to end up alone? 

“In a second,” he said, stopping just inside the doorway. “I...I need to say something first, if that’s ok.”

Their smiles dropped slightly, but their gentle, welcoming expressions never wavered. The three of them sat up in bed, scooting forward as Patton nodded. 

“Of course, honey,” he said. “What’s on your mind?” 

He was actually doing this. He just...had to figure out how to start. 

Virgil took a breath and stuffed his hands in his pockets to hide how they’d begun to shake. “Just to- just to get it out there to make it easier for you guys...I- I get it if you want to break up with me after this.”  

That got their attention, their heads snapping up with wide, wary eyes. Virgil couldn’t quite bring himself to look at them anymore. 

“I’m just saying,” he muttered, and god he was shaking so bad. “I’ll understand.” 

The silence only stretched on another few seconds before Logan cleared his throat. “We’re listening, Virgil.” 

Ok. Ok he could do this. He...really should have planned out what he was going to say first. 

“I should have told you right away,” he started. “I know I should have. It’s not fair to you guys and I’m...I’m really sorry that I didn’t. I wasn’t trying to...to lie or- or lead you on or anything, I just...love you guys. A lot. I’ve loved being with you and I wasn’t ready to...you know...ruin that.” 

“Virge? What...what did you do, darling?” 

It was passed off as a joke, the Prince forcing a small smile, but there was serious concern behind it. 

Virgil quickly shook his head. “It’s not...I didn’t realize that it would be, you know, an issue. But you guys want...you want someone who’s not...me. Because- because I’m…” 

Say it, just say it. 

“I’m asexual. And you guys...I shouldn’t have kept that from you. I’m sorry. I’m just...sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” 

And that was...it. That was it. They knew now. 

They knew, and they could react how they wanted. If they were angry, Virgil wouldn’t blame him. If they were disgusted and demanded he leave...Virgil wouldn’t fight it, no matter how badly it hurt. 

He knew them better than to truly assume that would be the case, but the thought was still there. 

Furious or not, there was no way they’d trust him enough to keep him in the relationship. 

But he had to hold it together until the end of the conversation. He’d escape as soon as they let him, and then...and then he’d readjust to being alone. 

Unfortunately, none of them seemed particularly inclined to answer, the silence stretching on a moment too long. He risked a glance up from the floor, hunching his shoulders when he caught Logan’s eye. 

“Virgil,” the logical side said. “Come sit down, please.”

He quickly shook his head, taking a step back. He didn’t need a long, drawn out ending to this. He wouldn’t be able to hold it together that long. 

“You...you guys don’t have to--” 

“Virgil,” Patton cut him off, scooting aside to make room. “Come over here and talk to us.” 

And he’d never be able to deny Patton anything, would he? Not when he sounded so desperate. 

Virgil moved forward on shaky legs, focusing solely on his breathing to keep himself from crying, ending up seated in between Patton and Logan, Roman pressed up against the moral side. 

“This doesn’t need to be a conversation,” he said, just wanting to get out. “I...I said I would understand.” 

Virgil jumped when there was a hand against his cheek, Logan suddenly cupping his jaw and turning his head until they were face to face, the logical side’s eyes piercing behind his glasses. 

“Virgil,” Logan started, sounding almost breathless. “How...on earth could you think this would end in a break up?” 

Virgil blinked, wondering if this was some kind of trick question. “What? I don’t--” 

“Darling,” Roman said, and the Prince was suddenly scooting over to sit in front of Virgil, the three of them surrounding him. “You thought we would leave if you came out as Ace?” 

Virgil shook his head because no, that...that wasn’t the problem. Not entirely, anyway. “It’s not...guys I lied. You asked me to be in a relationship with you and I didn’t say anything.” 

“You did not lie,” Logan said, never dropping his hand from Virgil’s face. “You just were not ready to come out yet. You and I both know there is a substantial difference.” 

There was a hand suddenly slipping into his own, and Virgil startled when he realized it was Patton’s, the moral side’s free hand now running fingers through his hair. 

“You weren’t comfortable sharing that part of yourself,” he said. “That’s totally ok, sweetheart. No one’s mad at you. I’m just glad you said something before something...happened.” 

Logan’s hand suddenly dropped, his eyes big and painfully worried, and Virgil had to force himself not to look away. 

“Virgil,” he said slowly. “You do not...owe us anything. Especially not something like sex. If we made you feel like--” 

“What? Jesus- no.” Virgil moved his hand away from Patton, pulling his knees up to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut to try to get a hold of himself. “It wasn’t...I just thought...it would be too...t-too much to deal with, you know?” 

They weren’t breaking up with him. They weren’t. He’d been stupid to think that. There was no reason he should still be so upset. 

He couldn’t make them feel guilty. He couldn’t make them think they’d been the ones to do something wrong when they’d been nothing but perfect. He couldn’t--

“Oh Virgil.” 

Too late he realized the tears had started to spill over, his face burning as he pressed a hand against his mouth to try and muffle any treacherous sobs. 

There was a pair of arms around him, warm and grounding, and it took Virgil a moment to realize it was Roman, gently guiding him into the embrace. He didn’t fight it, falling limp against the Prince’s chest with a pathetic choking noise. 

“S-sorry,” he managed in between sobs. “I’m sorry, I- I don’t know why I’m...I sh-should have told you, I- I thought you’d...I thought you’d run out of reasons to- to want me.” 

“We could never,” Roman whispered, holding him tight. Patton moved forward to rub circles along his back, Logan reaching out to squeeze his hand. “You’re beautiful, Virgil. And this doesn’t change a thing.”

It didn’t make sense. None of it made any sense. If one of them had come out, it would be different. But with him...there was already so much to deal with, so much they were forced to handle. 

Eventually, it had to get to be too much, right? He’d already figured they’d get fed up with the extra steps they had to take to respect his boundaries, Virgil always a little more wary when it came to being vulnerable. 

But they all sounded so...genuine. Princey hadn’t once loosened his hold, still whispering quiet reassurances, Patton was back to running his fingers through Virgil’s hair, pressing kisses to his free hand. 

And Logan still held on tight, counting out familiar breathing exercises just loud enough for Virgil to hear, always knowing how to calm him down. 

When he finally managed to calm down, taking in deep, shuddering breaths, he reluctantly pulled away from Roman, wiping at his eyes as he stared down at his lap. 

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I never thought...I wouldn’t have let you guys do anything. I was always gonna tell you eventually I just...kept putting it off.” 

“That is quite alright,” Logan said, sounding oddly hesitant. “But I...don’t think I could forgive myself if we had taken the next step without realizing you would not enjoy it.” 

Virgil nodded, forcefully pushing down the sickening panic at the thought. “I know. I wouldn’t have let that happen. I promise.” 

Patton and Logan both squeezed his hands, Patton tilting forward to press a kiss to his temple before leaning his forehead on Virgil’s shoulder. He allowed himself to lean into the touch, taking another shaky breath before continuing. 

“I’m...I am sorry though. If this complicates things.” 

Roman cocked his head slightly, frowning. “Complicates things?” 

“Yeah,” Virgil said, hoping he wasn’t about to refute every wonderful thing that had just been said. “We’re...in a relationship. And you all want...I mean, Roman you’re pretty much all romance, so I know you want--” 

He cut himself off, caught completely off guard when Roman started laughing. 

“Sorry,” the Prince said quickly, smiling at the exasperated looks Virgil realized the others were giving him. “Sorry, I just...gosh, Virgil can I kiss you?” 

Virgil blinked, mind suddenly completely blank. “I...uh, sure?” 

True to his word, Roman was suddenly cupping Virgil’s face in both his hands, gently pressing their lips together, and just like always Virgil melted against the touch, completely safe for just a single, blissful moment. 

When Roman pulled back, he met Virgil’s gaze, brimming with nothing but adoration and love. “Virgil, darling, you really think I see something as trivial as sex romantic?”

“I mean...yeah?” 

“Virgil, I love you. You, not...not what you have to offer. I love seeing you in the mornings, and holding you...I love hearing your voice. I want to cook you dinners and pick you flowers and sing for you. That’s romantic, Virge. Not...not something as small as sex. That’s not what’s important. Not to me.” 

“I, for once, am in agreement with Roman,” Logan said. “Sexual intimacy has never been of importance to me. It certainly does not hold enough power to damage our relationship in any way if you do not desire it. And it certainly has no power over my feelings for you.” 

Virgil was suddenly dangerously close to crying again. “I--” 

“Besides, there is no logical reason for us to engage in sexual intercourse. We are not human, so the need to reproduce does not--” 

Roman thankfully cut him off with a kiss, Logan making a noise somewhere between surprise and annoyance, but reciprocated without further complaint. 

Patton was suddenly taking both of Virgil’s hands, their fingers laced together, and Virgil suddenly wasn't quite so scared to meet the moral side’s eyes. 

“I don’t care about something silly like that,” Patton said. “I just care about you, honey. The four of us being safe and happy and together. If we all just cuddle and tell each other how much we love each other...nothing else could ever make me that happy. So don’t you worry about a thing, ok?” 

Virgil wasn’t sure whether he laughed or sobbed, but he was smiling back at Patton, at the people who surrounded him with unconditional love, and he nodded. 

“Ok,” he agreed, feeling lighter than he thought he ever had. “Thank you. All of you. I...I love you all. So much.” 

Within moments they were all tangled up in each other, the television playing an old comfort movie, Virgil wrapped up in Logan’s arms with his head against Roman’s chest, Patton leaned against his legs. 

It was still perfect, and Virgil had a funny feeling it always would be. He loved them, more than anything in the entire world, and there wasn’t a doubt in his mind they felt the same way.

[fabricated-misslieness]

Daniel Le Domas x gender neutral reader

Yo I hate Alex that motherfucker but also I think it’d be easier if Daniel killed Tony in the forest and then ran away with Grace, but I guess it’d be safe to bet that others left for the forest when the car got flipped.

Also for some reason my gifs aren’t workin

Requested: No

Word Count: 2847

Warnings: suggested use of drugs because Emilie exists, mentions of hypothetical violence, some angst i think, mentions of a gun in a world war themed board game

Normal AU where Le Domas are a ‘normal’ rich family, still weird, but no deal with the devil.

Servants, lavish parties, gourmet food, expensive alcohol, this was the life you might be inheriting. You say ‘might’ because you’re not married, nor are you getting married. 

Your partner, Daniel Le Domas, was born to a rich family, so he was entitled to all these privileges, not that he seemed quite fond of them. Deep down you knew he was, but he for sure didn’t make it clear.

“Don’t worry,” Speak of the devil. He reassures you, squeezing your hand as you walk down the halls to the music room. A music room, for god’s sake! Not speakers, not a radio, but their butler playing the piano. At least they didn’t have a ballroom, that would just be way extra. “We’re a normal family, I promise.”

“Normal?” You raise an eyebrow, gesturing to a nearby seemingly ancient, though you exaggerated that, portrait of a newlywed couple. “All the portraits I’ve seen so far are newlywed couples.” 

“That’s normal for rich families.”

“Haha.” You say sarcastically. “But seriously, you can’t even paint them in normal clothes? Not even family pictures of one of your many vacations?”

“First of all, who said we even had vacations?” You assumed they did, seeing as they were wealthy. Doesn’t the average rich person go on vacation twice a year? Whatever, who were you to assume? Though the thought of it is still a little peculiar, so you decide to question it.

“You don’t? No little tour over Europe? No visiting the seven wonders in the span of a week?” You go on and on, suggesting outlandish places.

Daniel nudges your side playfully to get you to stop. “No, haven’t even toured the US.”

You laugh, nudging him back. “You’re no fun, for a board game family.” You pluck a nearby board game from it’s shelf, Yankee Bayonet. Initially, you’d been attracted because of the gun on the box. It's world war one or two themed. “Well, can’t blame you. Don’t know how this would seem fun. What’s it even about?” You put the box back on display before Daniel can scold you for touching it.

“Honestly, I don’t know. There’s so many games, and I’ve barely played a quarter of them. That one, however,” he points at a box further down the hallway, “that one I play-tested as a kid. It’s somewhat fun.”

“Somewhat.”

As you near the end of the hallway, your eyes land on a portrait of Charity. You stop, which makes Daniel stop too. For a second, he’s confused, until he looks up at the portrait. Immediately, he turns to survey you. Among every emotion dancing in your eyes, he catches disturbance, nervousness, and most importantly, a splash of disgust. “Charity.” You say a little bitterly.

“Charity.” He repeats. “That’s where our painting used to be.” He cups your cheek and pulls you to look at him, putting his other hand on your shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

You shake your head, putting one hand on his hip and the other on the hand resting on your cheek. “It’s nothing. If I’m going to be with you, I’m going to have to face your family.” Daniel smiles, giving you a quick peck on the nose. He’s glad you’re so willing to get to know them, especially with how much he’s down-talked them, to put it lightly. “The only thing that confuses me is why this is still here. She’s your ex-wife.”

“They took a liking to her.” The both of you grimace. “She was just as crazy as them. Honestly, I don’t see what they see in her. But,” He takes your hand and presses a kiss on it. “I won’t let her bother you. If you want, I’ll even flaunt our relationship more than I would’ve.”

You shake your head, turning towards the next corridor. “No need. I’ll be fine.”

Famous last words, “I’ll be fine.”

You were not fine, in fact, you were a fish out of water. Standing next to the family, you felt severely underdressed, even when you’d gone out your way to wear something fancy. Though that wasn’t the biggest problem. They were all very distinct, but they fit into the family. Of course, they were family, but it made you feel like an outcast.

“(y/n),” Becky greets you with a smile. You offer her a hand, but she gives you a hug instead. You barely manage to reciprocate it. “I’m delighted that you came for a visit."

You give her the best smile you can, hoping she doesn’t notice it’s fake. “I’m glad I’m here with you.” You’d really thought that meeting the family would go smooth, honestly though, how could you? These were rich people, your lifestyle, mannerisms, nothing was even remotely similar to theirs.

“Oh, thank you.” She hands you a glass of champagne which you gingerly take, just to be polite. “I hope you can bring my son back to his old self. He’s never been the same since the divorce!” Before she can take you off towards a couch somewhere, Daniel stops her. He’d excused himself for some whiskey when you made it to the entrance and promised he’d make it quick.

“Mom.” He scolds lightly. He takes the drink from your hands and leaves it on a servant’s tray, knowing you’re not one for fancy champagne.

“Daniel.” Her face lights up. She gives him a quick hug, which you notice Daniel is a bit uncomfortable in. “Haven’t seen you in a while.” She teases.

Daniel nods rather stiffly, moving to your side and taking your hand almost immediately. “Been busy.” The whole family knows that ‘busy’ meant being with you, yet he covers up for it anyway.

“I know, I know. They’re a nice catch, by the way.” Becky pats you on the shoulder, a gesture both you and Daniel seem to dislike. “Well, I better not keep you for any longer. I’m sure the rest of the family is eager to meet you.” For some reason, you highly doubt that. 

Becky leaves you for another glass of champagne. Daniel turns to you once she’s gone. “You okay?” He holds your hands in his in the hopes it’ll comfort you.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He can tell you’re lying, you’re not hiding it very well. He gives you a knowing look, pushing you to tell the truth. “Alright, I’m not okay. Charity and your aunt have been eyeing me up since we arrived, your dad looks way older than your mom, Emily and Finch seem too happy to be real, your nephews are creepy, and Alex and Grace both look like they want to leave. That’s not reassuring, now is it?” Your ever rising tone makes Daniel squeeze your hands to stop you.

“Honey, they’re harmless.” He knows that’s an awful way of reassuring someone, but he knows that no matter what he says, you’ll still be doubtful.

You frown, letting out a sigh through your nose. “I know they’re harmless, but..” You bite your lip, trying to find a way to sugar coat your words. “Charity looks like she wants to kill me and your aunt looks like she could skin me alive without even blinking.”

“Look,” He brings his hands to cup your cheeks. “there’s nothing to worry about. From now on, I won’t leave your side. And if I need a refill, I’ll bring you with me. I love you.”

You sigh again, closing your eyes. In the end, you nod, opening them back up to look at him. “I love you too.”

“Good,” He brings you in for a chaste kiss. “Let’s go fuck them, like mom says.”

"She really says that?"

Daniel was right, they were harmless. Well, you hadn’t talked to Charity, but at least you’d talked to the second person giving you a serial killer look, aunt Helene.

Turns out the stink eye was her resting face and that her husband had died tragically. It was the main reason she looked so miserable. She was most likely merely reminiscing about her husband while looking at you two, the newest couple in love. If anything, it made you feel bad for her.

"I'm pretty sure I saw her take a pill like a shot in the hallway." You side glance Emilie as Daniel pulls you off to the side. You were just done talking to her, and somehow, even with all that parental stress, her smile was genuine. She was happy and extremely friendly. Well, so was her husband, but even he had a bit of awkwardness in him. "She's not suffering from anything, is she?"

Daniel shrugs, "Not that I know of."

He sits the both of you down on a loveseat out of earshot from the rest. "Now, we only have to wait until dinner." You nod. "But I have something to tell you. When somebody marries into the family, they have to play a game. It's just tradition. Play the game and you're part of the family, but win it, and you'll gain respect. Might as well get some practice in, right?"

"Did you just propose to me?" You mean it as a joke, but Daniel shrugs and reaches into his pocket. It's a wonder how people aren't looking over right now, well, apart from Charity.

"This is a claddagh ring. It's been sitting in my pocket for ages." He says as he pulls it out of the box. The majority of the ring is normal, but in the middle is a heart with a crown on it. "But, it's up to you how you want to wear it."

"So is this a proposal or..?"

He gives you a quick rundown on the meanings. On the right hand crown pointing towards the fingerprints is single and looking, towards the wrist is taken, on the left ring finger crown pointing towards the fingertips is engaged, and pointing to the wrist is married. Obviously, you're not married or single, so that leaves taken or engaged; and he's giving you that decision.

"You want me to choose?"

Daniel looks like he's regretting his spontaneous and presumably drunken decision. But with a swig of his drink, he smiles again. "Yes. I mean, we've talked about marriage and all but I wasn't sure if you'd be ready. I'm still not sure, but now that you know about it, you might as well wear it."

You admire the ring as you weigh your options. Daniel takes your free hand, absentmindedly playing with your fingers, especially your ring finger.

Engagement is the brightest thing in your heart and mind, despite that, it still finds doubts. Your in-laws, they were weird. But they didn't have anything to hide, they were harmless. On the plus side, you loved Daniel.

That was the final push. You grab Daniel's left hand, sliding the ring down his ring finger with the crown pointing to the fingertips.

Daniel's left hand curls around your right, the metal feels cold against your skin, despite all your fiddling. You look up at him, seeing his brows furrowed with confusion. You speak up before he can, "I might as well be proposing to you, if you're giving me the decision."

Daniel laughs, giving you a kiss followed by an eskimo kiss. He isn't usually one for eskimo kisses, but you figure it's happiness. "Okay, but I'll buy you one."

"Deal." You give him a final kiss before pulling him off the seat. "What should we play?"

"Well, first we have to go to the game room."

"The game room?"

You were hoping the game room was the room with the double doors painted with the name 'Le Domas', seeing as they were a board game family, but apparently not. "It's reserved for family, so technically you're not allowed in. But, we have a game room for parties." Daniel explains on the way. Rich people and their special rooms…

Once inside, Becky plucks a family board game from the shelf, no doubt a Le Baile product. Before you can join them at the couch, however, Charity pulls you off to the side.

Daniel follows, putting his arm around your shoulder protectively. Charity glares at him for a second before turning back to you, it was clear she wanted you alone. "Care for a game of chess?"

"Usually, we play more traditional games, stuff that would be here during my great-great-grandfather's time. He founded the company but the family tradition comes from before most of the games they've created." He whispers quickly into your ear. Due to the quickness, you almost fail to comprehend his words, but luckily you understand them.

"Alright." You agree to the game. Charity leads you over to the chess table, where conveniently, the chess board is already set out.

Daniel pulls a chair from seemingly out of nowhere, setting it down to your side, much to Charity's distaste.

"I got chess when I married in." Somehow she manages to avoid bitterness in her tone. "You should go first."

God, you barely knew the basics.

"So tell me about yourself." Charity speaks up.

You give her a quick rundown, which hopefully doesn't reveal any information that she could use to her advantage. "Interesting." She takes your bishop. "From what I've heard Daniel say, I expected the worst." 

Daniel narrows his eyes at her as a warning, though Charity doesn't see. Her eyes are glued to the board.

"I don't know why he'd leave me for you."

"Charity." Daniel warns her.

Charity holds her hands up in mock surrender. "I'm only speaking my mind. But I'll stop now."

She does stop for the remainder of the game, nevertheless there's no doubt in your mind that she has a lot more to say. She beats you quite easily, though she seemed disappointed when the reward was not getting to remarry your new fiancé. It's either that or you'd read her wrong.

"You have much to practice." Becky remarks, taking a sip of her champagne before continuing. "But, you'll get there." She smiles.

You smile back, standing up from your chair. Daniel does so too, almost protectively. He stares ahead towards Charity. The two seem to be having a glaring contest. You decide to ignore them, "I don't know about that."

"Oh, sure you will." Her eyes trail towards your hands when you intertwine them.

"I didn't see that there before. Claddagh ring, left ring finger pointing up." She continues to stare, a little disrespectfully. She notices this before it becomes moderately disrespectful. "You're engaged." Her smile widens.

Her words catch everyone's attention. Almost immediately, Emilie runs over with the brightest smile you'd ever seen.

"Congrats!" She exclaims, reaching out to hold your hand but stopping when she sees it connected to Daniel's. "I can't wait to have you in the family!"

"Thanks."

"They're not normal." You remark as you sit next to Daniel on the bed. The family had insisted that you stay the night, and while that was quite sweet of them, you really wanted to get out of there. They were no longer creepy or ominous, but you want a break. You weren't feeling as social as you did when you came in.

"Can't judge what normal is when they're the only family I've met." Daniel brings the blanket over your legs. "Sorry, anyway."

You shrug, planting a kiss on his forehead. "It's alright. Though that proposal was a little spontaneous."

At the mention of the proposal, Daniel shifts his ring around on his finger. "I was drunk, still am. At least I got it out of my chest. Who knows how long I'd keep it in my pocket otherwise."

"Knowing you, it'd be months, maybe a year."

"Hey!" Daniel whines, nonetheless, it's followed up by a laugh.

You can't help but give him a kiss again, this time on his temple. Daniel moves closer afterwards, pulling you into a proper kiss on the lips.

"Did you like them?" He asks when you pull apart.

You shake your head side to side in a more or less motion. "Mostly. Charity is Charity, you know. Your dad seemed to only focus on the engagement, I think I saw Emilie snort something, I don't know what to feel. Well, your mom is nice, maybe a little too nice. She hopes that I make you behave like you, but I wouldn't know how that is."

"So that's what she was talking to you about." He bites his lip for a second. "Well, don't worry. I believe I behave the way 'I used to' around anybody that isn't them, apart from Alex and Grace."

"Reassuring." You say sarcastically, laying down.

"Seriously? Can't tell the difference?" He lays down, cupping your cheek and allowing you to wrap your arms around him.

"Honestly, yeah. It's a little concerning." You nuzzle into his hand.

"Well, don't be. We'll be back home in no time. After breakfast, though, they're going to insist on that." You groan at the thought. Daniel simply laughs in reply, turning off the lamp.

"Goodnight, sweet dreams. Love ya."

"Love you too."

[strawberrylabs]

Hi♡

(English is not my first language. Also, this is very long, sorry)

Can I have a SallyFace matchup please? I am bisexual, female, 5'9. I have waist-length blonde hair, a side bang that cover most of my right eye, blue eyes, and pale skin. Kind of introverted but I get along with other people easily as long as they aren't complete assh*les. I seem grumpy most of the time, if you spend time with me you'll see that I'm really friendly though. I make stupid jokes real often, but I'm great at having serious conversations in private too (my friends would always come to me to talk about their problems and stuff). I need someone to get me out of fights every now and then. Calling everyone bro, dude or mate all the time. Playfully flirting with shy people and watching them blush is totally my thing (as long as they're comfortable with it).

I am determined, surprisingly kind, irritable, playful and secretly a little romantic. I can act like a grumpy old woman sometimes. I've been a big fan of horror movies since I was born and now I can't be afraid of any of them. I'm obsessed with videogames. I wear metalhead and grunge style clothes. My favorite styles of music are alternative rock or metal but I can be pretty eclectic. I have beautiful dark circles under my eyes due to my insomnia. Even though I'm a p*thead alike, I've always been the top student in chemistry class and got good grades in my other subjects as well. ​I have a high tolerance for pain and disgusting things. I act kind of "masculine" but "feminine" at the same time, if that makes sense. I use she/her pronouns though.

Hello!!

Gah, I'll be honest I had a hard time choosing between Larry and Ash for this one! If you're not happy with your choice feel free to request some more headcanons with another characters!

Regardless, I hope you enjoy your matchup!

Warning! There are probably a few Sally Face spoilers here and there!

tw: fighting, weed, mentions of getting high, mental health

I match elliseeed with...

Larry!

You convinced me when you said you like metal and you're a pothead.

You two obviously get high together. Was it even a question.

In fact that's probably how the relationship started.

You walked into the unisex toilet about to smoke, only to find him already there doing that exact same thing

"aw shit, thought I locked that.."

"..."

"..Want some?"

"Fuck yeah"

And that's how it all began. The two of you started snokeing together and eventually started hanging out after school too.

Then of course you found out he also likes Sanitys Fall and that was it. You're together for life now

Originally you were just besties as well as Sal. We all know he can never be replaced

But somewhere along the way the relationship just sorta formed.

The two of you are literally inseperable. Practically joint at the hip.

Sal protection squadtm. Travis look out because now there's two people who will beat yo ass.

You probably ask Larry to hold you back but let's be honest, he's throwing punches with you.

You probably go on a lot of detention dates<3

Sometimes Larry will confide in you about his dad.

He still blames himself :(

But you never fail to make him feel better.

And you best believe he will always be there for you too.

If anyone ever dares make a comment about your grumpy appearance they're done. Rest in peace them, because no one talks shit about Larry's s/o

"Did you see the way she looked at us? She's so scary, what a freak-"

"What was that?"

Horror movie dates.

Cuddling in his room with snacks and just watching movies for hours on end

Deep discussions while high. Usually about everything that's going on with the cult and red eyed demon.

He's scared that you'll get hurt

"hey, no getting hurt or I'll kill you, got it?"

"Whatever you say Larry<3"

Just hold him and he'll feel better<3

He is beyond bewildered by your good grades.

Like how?

Literally how?

He has never seen you study a day in your life and you're an A+ student

Don't get me wrong though, he definetly brags about you.

"Oh yeah! Well my girlfriend is the top chemistry student!"

Overall it's healthy and happy relationship<3

he loves Sal (platonically), but with you he feels more at peace than he ever has, and he deeply appreaciates you for it.

Hi! I hope you enjoyed your matchup! If you want another one feel free to request! - Strawberry🍓

[capitainelevi]

Drabble Challenge!! 5 and 19, can you combine them too???

Thank you for your ask!! ❤️❤️ Drabble challenge: Followers send a number to your ask and you write a drabble using that sentence/prompt in your piece.

“You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?” and “And that’s how you ruin a life. Congratulations.”

Growing up Petra has to take an emergency trip back home, leaving Levi to care for the two daughters they have together. Just how wrong could things get?

Canon universe. Word count: 1784

Petra could feel the judgmental eyes of her driver on her as she picked up the “disgusting” habit of chewing her nails again, as her husband would put it. She could feel anxiousness pouring out of her, half expecting to find her house in ruin on her arrival. Had it not been for her emergency trip to see her father in Paradise, leaving Levi alone with their two daughters would have been the last choice Petra would have made. It wasn`t that she didn`t trust her husband, no, but she knew he could be… hard to deal with.

Neither of them made it out of the war unscathed, and while Petra managed to keep her sunny side alive, Levi`s gruffness and pessimism only deepened. But Petra could always glimpse behind the cold exterior, being able to sense just how much her husband adored his little girls, even as they were in the process of putting his hair up in pigtails.

But no matter how much her husband loved his family, he was still a grumpy old man, which often put him at odds with their daughter going through her teen years. No matter how much Petra tried to prepare Levi for the inevitable change, her husband was not ready to accept “his little girl” was not little anymore. His overprotectiveness often suffocated Eve, leading to Petra taking her daughter`s side in most of the arguments between daughter and father.

Left on the sidewalk with her bags by her side, Petra took a glimpse at her house, relieved to see it had not gone up in flames in the few days that she was away from it. She took a deep breath as she gathered her courage to make her way inside to evaluate the damage done. The house was quiet when she stepped inside. Too quiet for her liking. While her daughters took up after their father when it came to their appearance, their personality was all Petra. “Much to their luck”, as their former squad insisted on reminding Levi every time they got to visit.

When she spotted her husband reading by the fireplace, Petra did not hesitate to throw herself on his lap, ignoring the groan it elicited. She threw her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her.

“I`m not 30 anymore, Petra.”

Petra chose to answer by capturing his lips in a kiss which Levi deepened, the book long forgotten as it hit the floor. She could feel her husband's excitement through the fabric of his pants, and she broke the kiss, worried their time together might get interrupted. Petra laid her head on his chest to listen to his heart beat as Levi ran his hands up and down on her back.

“Did you miss me?”

Levi kissed her again before whispering against her lips- “I think you can feel how hard.”

Petra threw him a dirty look as she got off his lap, much to his displeasure. Despite having been together for 21 years, the flame of their passion never went out. And while her husband had been awkward with showing his love, the time spent by her side changed him.

“You dirty old man.”

Levi just smirked at her playful banter, determined to show his wife just how much he missed her smart mouth once the house went to sleep.

“How`s your father?”

Petra sighed as she threw herself on the couch, still worried about leaving her father on his own until she made the arrangements. She cursed at getting her stubbornness from him when the man refused to acknowledge his old age and the health problems that it brought. After days of yelling and tears, her father agreed to set his worries of being a bother aside and accept Petra`s proposal to be an active part of their lives.

“Stubborn as ever.” Petra rolled her eyes at the smile growing on her husband`s lips, shaking her head in denial at the implication that she is worse than him. “But he did agree to come live with us. I`m just worried about him being on his own for now.”

Levi took her hand in his and rubbed his thumb on her soft skin- “He`ll be fine, Pet. It will be good for him to be close to his granddaughters.”

“Speaking about them, how was your week?”

Levi cleared his throat, quite proud of his achievements while his wife was away. Despite his limited movement, he managed to keep the house up to his cleaning standards, and more than that, he thought he acted fair when it came to the little arguments he had with his daughters throughout the week.

“It all went smoothly.”

Petra was wary of her husband`s confidence, but she chose to leave it alone for the moment. She could see herself once her daughters got back from their classes.

“And I managed to keep all the brats and their shitty germs away from our house.”

Petra groaned as she covered her face with one of the cushion pillows. She often wondered how her husband could be so good with children while also acting like a jerk.

“Levi, our daughters need friends!”

“But Petra, those brats barely know how to use a soap.”

Levi was in the middle of explaining to Petra just how many germs the children brought in his house when their daughters burst through the door, excited to see their mother. Lizzie jumped in Petra`s arms while Eve wrapped her arms around her. Petra squeezed them harder, letting her emotions get ahold of her. She tried to be strong and not show Levi just how soft she was, but her first time away from her family had been hard on her too.

“How is grandpa?”

“He`s fine, sweeties. He will come to live with us in a few weeks.”

Lizzie jumped from Petra`s arms, excited at the prospect of gaining a new partner for playtime, one other than her father- “Another guest to my tea parties!”

Petra just laughed at her daughter`s priorities while Levi announced he had lunch prepared for them. She noticed the half-hearted kiss they gave their father before making their way to the kitchen, and if that was not proof enough of Levi not handling the situation as well as he had claimed, the room being as silent as the grave during their meal was. Levi had managed to turn the most cheerful children Petra had ever seen into… well, him. And in only a matter of days.

“So, did you get along with dad?”

Petra did not miss the grimace on Eve`s face as both girls decided to stay quiet at her question. She turned her eyes to Levi, who just shrugged and carried on with lunch. She turned her attention to Lizzie next- “You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?”

Her daughter stayed quiet again, and Petra nodded at her to answer as she ran her hand through her hair locks.

“Daddy takes the fun out of tea parties.”

Petra groaned, not believing the extends his husband would go to for his love for tea. She threw him a dirty look while Levi ruffled Lizzie`s hair.

“Princess, tea time is not for fun.”

“Levi, she`s six! She just wants to serve tea to her dolls.”

Levi was hurt at his wife`s words, as he expected her to understand how important it was for their daughter to understand the art of tea making from a young age. He had even gifted Lizzie a tea set for Christmas for that reason alone.

“But, Petra, she`s not too young to learn how to make a proper tea!”

“Lev…”- Petra was interrupted by Eve- “Dad moved my curfew to 8 PM. And he came over to my friend`s house to scold me for being out at that hour. It wasn`t even dark outside! Mom, he embarrassed me.”

Petra did not even have time to react, as Levi turned to her- “She`s too young to date!”

She rolled her eyes, tired of having the same argument with her husband every time their daughter was out with her friends. Petra was sure everyone in their town knew how scary Levi was, despite being confined to using a cane or wheelchair for movement. Everyone knew who Captain Levi Ackerman had been in his youth. She was sure anyone would think twice about hurting the daughter of Humanity`s Strongest Soldier.

“Mom was in the military at my age, dad!”

Petra did not miss the hurt in Levi`s eyes at hearing those words, knowing he was still haunted by the faces of all the children he had helped lead to certain death. He had once admitted to Petra he wished she could have had a different life, one where a child did not have to embrace the idea of death just for the dream of not living in a cage anymore.

Levi did not raise his eyes from his plate as he talked- “That`s different.”

“The hell it is!”- Eve spit in his face, angry at his father`s stubbornness.

Levi tried to contain his anger as he put his fork down and rolled away from the table- “You can say goodbye to the party on the weekend, young lady.”

Eve got up from her seat as she announced to the table- “And that’s how you ruin a life. Congratulations.’’

Petra hugged her daughters and assured them their father was not mad before she followed her husband to their bedroom. She could see the misery on his face, and she threw her arms around him. Her husband barely whispered- “Do you think I`m a shitty dad?”

Petra squeezed him harder, trying to show him the confidence she had in his parenting- “No, Levi. Of course not.” She kissed his cheek before running her thumb on it- “You`re an amazing dad.” She hated that Levi questioned himself, but she would have never blamed him for it, as she knew all about his childhood and the terrors he went through. Petra knew his biggest nightmare was turning into a parent similar to Kenny.

Petra kissed him again before whispering against his lips- “You just need to understand your daughter is grown up.”

Levi sighed before giving her a chaste kiss- “It`s hard, Petra.”

She kissed his nose, knowing it would get a smile out of him, no matter what, and she was not wrong. Levi wrapped his arms around her again as Petra whispered in his ear- “They love you so much.”

“I adore them.”

Levi felt his heart stop when Petra took his hand and rested it on her tummy as she whispered in his ear- “And you will adore this one as well.”

[bi-naesala]

A "romantic" bathroom confession

Fandom: Yakuza Rating: G Warnings: / Relationships: Han Joon-gi/Zhao Tianyou Characters: Zhao Tianyou, Han Joon-gi, Kim Yeonsu Additional Tags: Emotional Constipation, Love Confessions Summary:

Sure, he could ask him directly what’s going on, but he has the feeling that, by asking him, they’ll both have to uncover some parts of themselves that Zhao doesn’t think they’ll ever be able to show the other, not when they’ve lived so long without ever showing their cards to anyone. No, he’d better not ask. Who knows if he’d like the answer Han gives him anyway.

(Also on AO3)

It’s been a couple of days since when… well, Zhao doesn’t know exactly what happened, but Han has been acting weird: at first, he was quiet, or at least quieter than usual, then he’s begun doing some small things that can only perplex Zhao.

First things first, the pda. Well, to normal couple standards it isn’t much, but considering that we’re talking about Joon-gi Han, it is: he’s begun hovering over him during every moment of pause, going even as far as brushing their shoulders together or even hold his hand and doing all those romantic gestures that a one-week boyfriend would make in order to impress you, which isn’t something that Han really has to do: he’s already impressive on his own, without the need for any of this.

Not that Zhao doesn’t enjoy being pampered, don’t get him wrong, but this doesn’t mean that this sudden change of behavior doesn’t confuse him.

Is Han planning something? He can’t help but to wonder about that…

Sure, he could ask him directly what’s going on, but he has the feeling that, by asking him, they’ll both have to uncover some parts of themselves that Zhao doesn’t think they’ll ever be able to show the other, not when they’ve lived so long without ever showing their cards to anyone.

No, he’d better not ask. Who knows if he’d like the answer Han gives him anyway.

  When Zhao takes his first step outside Survive, he almost jumps when he notices Han, crouched down in front of a vase, the one usually Ichiban uses to in order to grow vegetables for the barkeeper. That’s not something he was expecting to see. Curious.

“Han-chan, what are you doing there?”

“Oh?” Han turns his head towards him, not having noticed him there at first. “Nothing much. I’m watching them grow.” Them being two plants of lillies, who everyone knows is his favorite.

“Are these the ones Kasuga-kun said he was trying to grow?” he asks then, crouching down beside Han.

“No,” the other replies, not moving his gaze away from the blossoming flowers. “These I planted myself.”

Zhao hums at those words, though his face betrays no emotion.

 What the hell is this?

Now, Zhao doesn’t want to make assumptions, but it’s pretty fucking obvious what Han wants to do with the flowers he’s going to harvest, c’mon!

Why is he doing all this? They’re already together, there’s no need for any of this typical couple bullshit!

 Oh well, if one day Han shows up with a bouquet for him, he’s not going to complain.

After all, thinking about it, there’s a place that needs a bit of… something. Yeah, a nice vase of flowers over the shelf at the entrance would look nice, thinking about it.

  Usually, when they want to have dinner, they’d go to Meng Wu and Zhao would cook something for them, which might seem cheap, but they don’t mind it. Besides, it feels more intimate like this, and it’s also good since they don’t really want to draw attention to themselves and in Meng Wu that’s not going to happen.

This time, however, things are different: Han has insisted upon taking Zhao to dinner and, after a moment of perplexity, Zhao has accepted, because he doesn’t mind change and he’s curious to see where Han’s taking him.

 “Wow…” is all Zhao is able to say once he realizes where Han is taking him, standing in front of the entrance of the place.

Of all things, he wasn’t expecting Le Nouveau Hama. It’s very different from the usual restaurants they go to - they never go anywhere this fancy, even with the others.

He turns towards Han. “You managed to book us a table here?”

“Impressed?” Han replies. He looks very pleased with himself, and for once Zhao can’t really blame him.

No, he can’t blame him at all.

 As soon as they enter, Zhao feels immediately gazes drawn towards them. Maybe they should’ve dressed more accordingly to the place they’ll be eating at, instead of wearing the same kind of clothes they’d wear on the adventure with the others, but heh, who cares.

At least the waiter that greets them does nothing to make them feel like they don’t belong here.

“Good evening gentlemen, did you have a reservation?” he asks them.

“Indeed we do,” Han replies, still looking quite happy with himself.

“Of course. Follow me.”

 Once they get to their table, they sit down and begin to skim through the menu. Ooooh, so many things Zhao would like to try, but the budget…

“Ah, I forgot to mention this to you, but I would like to pay for both of us today.”

Zhao almost reels back at those words, staring at the man sitting in front of him. “Really?”

Han nods. “Yes, I’ve been meaning to do something like this for a while…”

Again, Zhao wonders what Han’s playing at, being all nice and chivalrous like this. First the flowers - which now indeed sit on the shelf like Zhao had planned - and now this; he must have something in mind, mustn’t he?

Eh, what the hell. After all, it works for him.

“Alright. Sounds good to me.”

 Despite the fact that Han’s paying, Zhao still decides not to go too overboard with his order, because he’s not a fucking asshole.

Han doesn’t say anything about it, but Zhao is able to see a shadow of relief in his eyes, and he can’t help but to chuckle at that.

See, that’s what you get when you try to be romantic.

  Zhao has to admit it: the food here is divine.

The tartare is exquisite, and the lobster is too. He would love to have a chat with the chef responsible for these delicacies, and maybe even exchange recipes, but at the moment this isn’t what he’s thinking about.

They’ve both been quite talkative today, and he means both of them, when usually Zhao’s the one running his mouth while Han nods along. It’s like Han’s putting more effort than usual… but this is too much for Zhao.

 “Why are you doing this?”

Han looks at him confused. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean,” Zhao chastises him, then he gestures to all around him. “This. What the hell is this? You think we’re in some kind of romantic comedy where any of this is necessary?”

Han remains silent, prompting Zhao to continue.

“What is it that you’re after, Han-chan? I mean, there’s no need to get into my panties ‘cause you already do that, so what is it?”

Still silence from Han, at least until he abruptly gets up from his seat and begins to walk away.

“Excuse me.”

 Uhm…

“No, wait, Han-chan come back! I didn’t mean--”

Didn’t mean what, exactly, huh? To spit all that shit while Han was just trying to be nice?

It’s always like this with him: people try to get close, only for him to push them away. Old habits die hard, and Zhao has always had to keep himself and others around him in check; he was supposed to be the leader of the Liumang, and you can’t do that if you don’t learn how to shield yourself from potential threats, and sharing a strong bond with someone is the biggest threat of them all.

The problem with Han is that they have gotten incredibly close, so Zhao’s old instincts kick in, but does he want to push him away? Not really. He’s not the leader anymore, he’s nothing, actually. What would the harm be in trying to have something with someone he - even though it’s hard to admit it - cares about?

 Goddamn… he’s ruined everything with his damned own hands, hasn’t he?

No, maybe he can still save it, if only he could manage to get up from this fucking chair.

Where did Han go? Ah, the bathroom. At least he hasn’t left the building, which Zhao supposes is a good sign - or maybe just a not so bad sign.

There’s only one problem: if he follows him, if he manages to get him to hear him out… he’ll have to be honest, and for him there’s nothing scarier than having to be honest about what’s going on inside his head.

Isn’t the same for Han, though? That’s the reason why they get along so well, because they understand that sometimes you just not want to talk about that stuff and that’s fine, and yet he’s going all the way to do all these romantic gestures that have surely cost him a lot of effort, all for his sake.

… Maybe being opening up wouldn’t be so bad now, wouldn’t it?

 He finally manages to get up.

Fuck it. It’s about he and Had have an honest conversation anyway.

  When he gets to the bathroom, he finds Han in front of one of the sinks. He must’ve washed his face because it’s still wet, but he’s doing nothing to dry it, instead he keeps looking in the mirror on the wall, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“Han-chan…”

Those words manage to snap Han out of whatever mood he was in, and he turns towards Zhao, looking slightly surprised to see him there. “Uhm, Zhao… You’re here too.”

“No, I’m just a figment of your imagination,” Zhao instinctively replies, before remembering that he’s supposed to be nice this time. He shakes his head. “Sorry, didn’t mean that…”

C’mon, Zhao. Take a nice, deep breath, and fucking talk.

 “Ok, look, Han-chan, I’ve… I’ve been unfair to you. You were doing all these nice things, and I’ve got on the defensive. The truth is that I like you, I like being with you and do crazy shit together and not just that. Even the normal stuff, the domestic shit… I really like that.”

Han looks shocked by what Zhao has just said. Heh, he’s just as shocked, to be quite honest.

“I wasn’t expecting this thing we had to become so important to me. Honestly I thought it would be a nice fling and nothing more, and I bet you thought that too, but we’re both fools and got trapped into our own feelings.”

That earns him a chuckle on Han’s part, and he can’t help but to do the same. Yeah, they are both huge idiots.

“When you started doin’ all this nice stuff I panicked. I knew that sooner or later I’d have to face my feelings, so I began lying to myself, pretending that I didn’t understand why you’d go all the way to do something like this, and for me of all people…”

He scratches his neck. “As you can definitely see, I’m not that good at this kind of stuff…”

“I can see that,” Han replies, a small smile on his face that becomes larger as he goes on. “Such a heartfelt confession deserves a better place than a public bathroom, don’t you think?”

This fucking asshole.

Despite the roasting - which he frankly deserves - Zhao can’t help but to laugh. “See? Just proven my own point.”

“I do appreciate it, though,” Han replies, still smiling, then he turns serious. “I came here to find the right words to say, but it seems that you’ve beaten me to the punch.”

Zhao crosses his arms to his chest, shifting his weight on his other leg. “Well? We’ve got one heartfelt bathroom confession, why not having another?”

Han chuckles, shaking his head. “Sure, why not?”

 “As you correctly guessed, I’m not the sort of guy to whom this kind of things comes easily, but I knew that it would be worth it in the end, but to tell the truth, I was just being a coward.”

Zhao opens his mouth to interject, but Han raises his hand, prompting him to wait for him to explain himself.

“I started doing this because I wanted to tell you how I felt, but was too scared to actually do it, figuring that you’d understand what I meant without me having to actually say the words. I too was afraid of what would happen if I spoke honestly. I didn’t want to feel that exposed…”

“And here we are now,” Zhao can’t help but to say.

Han nods. “And here we are now…”

He hesitates just for a moment before stepping towards Zhao.

“But I can’t hide anymore the fact that I like…” he stops, frowning. “No, not just like. I… I love you.”

Zhao’s first instinct is to ask him why, why would he love someone like him? But at this point they’re both way past that. Sometimes you just love someone without reason, even though admitting it can be very hard. He knows it.

“I… I love you too.”

 He wonders if Han feels as light as he does, having finally admitted it, but he’s not able to ask him because he’s kissing him and, frankly, he doesn’t want to pull away at all, not when Han’s lips taste so sweet.

Unfortunately it doesn’t last as long as both of them would’ve liked, but after all they’ve been missing from their table for who knows how long; someone might get worried and come check on them.

“How about we go back to our meal, and then finish this when we get back?” Zhao proposes.

“Sounds good to me,” Han replies, going to the door and opening it for Zhao. “After you.”

Before, Zhao would’ve gotten irritated at the gesture, but now he just chuckles as he walks out of the bathroom.

“Such a gentleman~”

  The rest of their dinner goes splendidly, now that they’ve both said their pieces.

If they had known that being honest with each other wouldn’t have had disastrous consequences, they might’ve done it earlier, but in the end, they did when they were ready, which is how these things should go, isn’t it?

 It’s still quite a shock that, of all places, they’ve decided to bare their souls inside a restroom, but oh well, so is life.

At least, it’ll make up for a great story to tell, that’s for sure.

[aceofshitposts]

I saw that you like CATS the musical. What are your thoughts on the movie?

AAAAH AHHAHA oh man oh boy y'all should BUCKLE IN cuz it's a ride

my simple thoughts? it's entertaining if only because it butchered the stage show so badly in an attempt to idk modernize it? Well, modernization is one part of it I think. The other part I'll go into below lol. I don't necessarily hate some of the more modern renditions of the songs (mostly the ensemble sets like Jellicle Song for Jellicle Cats) but then others are just... so poorly done it's insulting.

I've said this at the end of this whole rant too but I'm gonna put it up here in case people don't (justifiably) wanna see me go on and on about it:

The movie wasn't made for fans of the musical. It was made to make money and I believe they choose, at least partially, to do that through making it the weirdest and worst possible adaptation they could so that people would want to go see the train wreck. Which, really, worked! It was all people could talk about for a good while so like... Goal achieved, I guess.

A MUCH MORE COMPREHENSIVE ANALYSIS UNDER THE CUT cuz i don't wanna. flood your dash with... this

ALRIGHT SO. Most of my friends know I'm actually a huge fan of new adaptations of things. I love remakes (provided the people making it are coming at it with some form of heart and not just... cash grabbing which is more often the case) I love seeing other peoples interpretations of characters, or changing settings. It's one of the reasons I like American comics so much, getting to see different writers takes is fascinating.

I think musical movies can be wonderful ways to introduce people to a stage show that might have been unavailable to them otherwise! Chicago, for example, is one of the BEST musical to movie adaptations in my opinion. It kept the heart of the show, it's funny and the song numbers are done really well.

There are of course other famous examples, such as Grease or Bye Bye Birdie. Hairspray was also a wonderful take. These are simply off the top of my head, there are of course more.

CATS in particular has a history. If you go through my CATS tag you may see a few posts from @catsnonreplica which posts photos from non broadway productions of CATS! It's a fascinating read and I love, love, love looking at the other interpretations of the characters! CATS is a musical full of fun and wonderful characters if you take the time to see past the ridiculousness haha and the Korean and Japanese runs of CATS especially have some of my favourites.

How does this relate to the movie, I hear you say well. As you might has noticed the movie's interpretations of the characters is........ lackluster at best and downright uncanny valley at best.

CATS is, at its core, a ridiculous thing. I will fully admit that! But it's fun, it's entertaining and if you pay a little attention you can actually get the plot. (Honestly I don't understand when people complain it has no plot but that's a whole other rant for another day)

The movie was... obsessed with this idea of like... semi realism? Like obviously, as a fan, I think they should have leaned into the over the top character designs but instead we got...w ell:

Bombalurina:

Demeter left and Bomba right. Demeter was actually cut! From the movie which is. upsetting lmao.

Macavity is one of the worst offenders for me:

Macavity was... I wish I could know what the hell they were thinking there cuz it's even in his song? Ginger cat??? THAT IS NOT... A GINGER CAT...... but I digress. I would show more examples but I think you get the point.

So. We've butchered the characters appearances. Okay that's fine but what about their personalities?

ALSO BUTCHERED.

There's... there's a lot to unpack here. Just for context: the Jellicle Ball happens once a year and the Jellicle leader chooses a single cat to be reborn into a new life. In the stage play all the cats who are nominated for this honour are on the older side (Jenny-Any-Dots, Bustopher Jones, Skimbleshanks, Gus The Theatre Cat, and eventually Grizzabella) AND are always nominated by another cat. Not themself, unlike the movie where they all seem to nominate themselves.

Jenny-Any-Dots went from a doting grandmother figure who's celebrated for her selfless volunteering and tireless work into a conceited, vain younger cat who is obsessed with fame.

It's an incredibly strange dichotomy. I don't doubt some of it isn't the result of the uh people playing the characters honestly. I do think some of them did the best they could! I don't really blame Jason Derulo, for example, for Tugger. And honestly, Tugger was probably closest to his stage version (while being a trouble maker, he's shown to show Deuteronomy an immense amount of respect)

Speaking of Tugger! This will bring us to one of the biggest grievances with the movie and that is how they handled Mr Mistoffelees.

So... Ugh. So. We have Victoria as the pov character, which imo is like whatever in the grand scheme of things, and then we have Misto who they have decided will be get live interest cuz... Of course. Misto is shown throughout the musical to be awkward, unsure of himself and well. Really, kinda incompetent. Which is Wild cuz in the stage show he might be aloof but he's fairly confident in his powers.

So, Old Deuts gets kidnapped. In the stage show Tugger is the one to bring Misto forward! It's really quite sweet, imo, and I'm showing myself as a Tuggoffelees shipper here, but again Tugger is previously shown to be pretty conceited but then here he is boosting and hyping up Misto to bring Deuteronomy back. My friends and I have lovingly dubbed this the boyfriend hype song.

SOMEHOW. The movie manages to make this, easily, the MOST BORING number in the whole thing. Which, again, WILD. Misto awkwardly stumbles through his whole song, which again is... Boasting of his supreme magical powers which movie Misto clearly. Does not have or believe to have. The song, to me, feels super awkward and unnecessarily drawn out in the movie which sucks cuz it's one of my favourites in the show.

The declawing (heh) of Mr Mistoffelees actually reminds me strongly of how they changed Gaston in the live action Beauty and the Beast movie. He's gone from a beloved figure in the animated movie to someone so disliked in the town that Le Fou has to pay people off to say nice things about him. It's just. Wild character choices were made!!

Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat is probably my favourite in movie non ensemble number. It feels the most... Genuine? Compared to the other nomination songs.

Other problems include but are not limited to:

The inconsistent size scale of the CATS which throws me off constantly.

The weirdly overt sexual overtones added to MANY of the songs (Jenny and Bustopher being the worst)

This is just a personal gripe and opinion but I don't like that they used the UK version of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. The American version is both better known and tbh way more fun. Teazer's giggle? Adds ten years to my life every time.

Victoria's added solo song, Beautiful Ghosts, while I like the song as a song it doesn't fit the style of message of the musical. In the movie she's singing directly to Grizzabella who's being an outcast for years that she should be grateful she even has memories of being part of the tribe?? What?? But I know they had to add an original song to be able to be nominated for awards in like the Grammys n shit (which is why all musical movies will have an original song, fun fact!!) kinda funny they went to the effort though considering........... I don't think anyone could have genuinely believed CATS 2019 was gonna win anything but golden rhaspberries.

Movie Mr Mistoffelees has made repeated appearances as my sleep paralysis demon

The various cut characters, shout outs to Jemima, Demeter and Jellylorum especially

Bombalurina being a henchman to Macavity rubs me the wrong way

God I've written... So much. You probably get it by now haha. Like I said at the beginning, I try to go into any adaptation with an open mind but... Let's be honest, this movie wasn't marketed to people who are fans of the musical.

It was marketed, and made, to make money. And they choose to do that through, I think, intentionally making the worst possible version ever. Bad press is still press and the more outrageous people said the movie was the more people wanted to go see exactly what kind of train wreck it was.

Which is a disservice to the stage show, honestly, and all the people who've worked on it over the years.

But what can we do, right?

And besides all that, I do... Still own the movie version and I do still rewatch it on occasion. It is entertaining even if it's in a train wreck kind of way. I usually end up watching the 1998 version, then 2019 and then various tour runs that are on YouTube. (I highly recommend the 2016 tour, it's very good)

So in conclusion. It's fun (?) to watch. I enjoy picking things apart and doing analysis (if you couldn't tell!) so like... I don't hate it?

It did what it set out to do, I guess, and I can't fault it for that but. It's not a fair metre with which to judge the stage show imo. But I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, haha.

Jazz hands. I'm more than happy to elaborate or just chat about CATS if anyone wants! I grew up listening to the Broadway CD since I was a toddler so it's been! A very long standing obsession haha. Probably the only other thing on par with CATS is my obsession with Jurassic Park which I've also been a fan of since I was 3 (but that's a whole story in and of itself)

[majorshiraharu]

Baby You & Me; Cutup x (Female) Reader Smut

-------------------------------------------

Cutup x Female Reader smut 18+ only

Warnings:   Sex (Explicit) Oral (Male Receiving) Please don’t read if you’re under 18!

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You were a bounty hunter just recently stationed on Kamino to help train clones to be ready for war, fellow bounty hunters Bric an El-Les were having a hard time with some of their troopers, and since you were still waiting to be assigned to train some new squads you decided to pitch in and help them with Domino Squad who had been causing them a lot of headaches recently. After attempting to work with them as a group you realized CT-4040 kept messing up even basic things or just spent most of the time making jokes. You decided to spend some time on just doing one on one training with him, he put in a lot of work and listened to your orders, but no matter how many times you told him off he still spent most of the time making jokes or just acting foolishly, -one day you finally found out the reason behind his actions. --------------------------------------------- "What did you say?" you asked in shock. "I uh...um... like you," he said.   "Is that why you've been acting this way?" you question him, making him flustered. "Oh, so you did notice," he giggles scratching the back of his head.  "Of course I did, I just didn't understand why." "Well, now you know," he said with a smirk "How long have you felt this way?"  "A while, I just didn't know how to tell you, but guess I should've just told you from the start." "That would have probably saved both of us some time," you joked. "I don't think it was a waste of time," he says stepping closer to you with a different look in his eyes.  "I think your squad would disagree," you tell him as you close the gap between the two of you, going in for the kiss you saw his eyes so desperately begging for. His lips were soft and his mouth was warm, he kissed you so gently, you'd never felt anything like this, something so caring and loving. You rested your hands against his chest as he cups your face with one of his hands while the other grabs your waist pulling you against him, -you feel his tongue asking for entrance and gladly accept, pushing your own tongue out to meet his, earning a lovely moan from him. Both of you pull away to catch your breath, he moves the hand that was cupping your face to the back of your head pulling you in to rest against his chest as he kissed the top of your head. "I like you too," you chuckle letting a smile form on your face.  "I thought you might," he jokes before continuing "You know baby, you and me could really--" cutting him off as you started pressing your lips against his for a short kiss.   

"Just shut up and kiss me..." you murmured, your lips brushing over his.  "Copy that," he says continuing to kiss you. --After some more passionate kissing you just cuddle up to him, placing your arms around his neck and pushing your head into the crook of his neck, both of you stayed like that for some time, just enjoying each other's loving company before you heard someone approaching and quickly pulled apart pretending to be training.

------------ "CT-4040, you're supposed to be preparing for the arrival of Rancor Battalion with your squad, get going now!" Bric spits out, clearly annoyed. "Sorry Bric, I should have paid more attention to the time," you say in an attempt to shift blame away from CT-4040. "No, it's my fault, Master Chief!"  - "Thank you for your help and all the training ma'am," he says winking at you as he starts grabbing his stuff -- heading for the door to go meet up with his brothers "I told you he's a waste of your time Y/N," Bric says coldly watching the clone leave. "Bric, you don't have to be so mean to him, he hasn't done anything." "Exactly, he's done nothing, nothing but cause his squad and me more problems." "He has not! They all have problems that they need to work through and you're just blaming it all on him." "You'll see, I'm sure they'll fail this test." "Unlike you, I have faith that they'll find their way and beat this test together," you say grabbing your things to leave. "Trust me, you haven't been here long, you'll find out that they're not worth any of your time, besides if they fail this test they'll be done for good." "I choose to still have faith in them," you said before leaving. ------------------------------------------------- Later that day you hear from El-Les that Domino Squad failed the test, but that he asked Shaak Ti if they could try retaking it. "She said she'd consider it, Bric won't agree with my request, but I was wondering if maybe you could put in a good word for the squad.  I know you've put a lot of work into helping them, especially with CT-4040, and I think if they're given another chance they can succeed." El-Les says. "I can try, I also have faith that they can pass and anything I can do to give them that chance I'll do." "Thank you, Y/N," he says before continuing on his way to speak with the Bric. ------------------------------------------------- You had spoken with Shaak Ti, hoping your words might help her make a decision in Domino Squads favor, while you were walking through the hallways you notice Fives and Echo coming your way, you stop them to ask if they've seen their brother CT-4040 and they tell you that Bric had requested to see him and where you might find him. --Walking towards the hangers where they told you to go you noticed a clone walking by himself down one of the nearby hallways, you rush over, even though they told you all the clones looked the same you could tell them apart just by the smallest things, like the way they walked, and you knew it was him. "Hey!" you call as you reach your hand out to grab his shoulder. He stops suddenly at the sound of your voice and turns around. "Y/N?!" he blurts out before you accidentally run right into him, not expecting to have him stop so suddenly. You both crash to the ground, you landing on top of him, causing him to wince in pain. "OUCH!" he yells out as your forearm presses into his ribs. "Kriff, sorry, I didn't mean to run into you," you say, quickly getting off him. "Ahh, it's all right," he says trying to sit up, clearly in pain. "Are you okay?! Did I hurt you?" "I'm fine." "Stop lying!" you huff placing a gentle hand on the side he was clenching, "Let me see, clearly I've injured you." "NO. Umm, it's okay, you didn't hurt me, besides I'm not too keen on taking my shirt off out here in front of you," he said in a joking tone as he stood up. "My quarters are nearby if you feel more comfortable I can check your injury there," you say completely serious, unaware of what your offered sounded like to him. "Uhhh..." he mumbles out with a flustered look traveling across his face. "Come on," you huff grabbing his hand to drag him off to your quarters. --You unlock the door and bring him inside, the door closes behind you as you turn on the lights. "There now no one will see you, can I please check your injury?" you say concerned that you really hurt him. "Um...uhh...yeah," he said grabbing his shirt and pulling it off over his head, wincing in pain as he did so. Instead of paying any attention to the fact that the guy you recently kissed was now alone with you in your quarters shirtless, you focused on the fresh bruises on his body.  You couldn't have caused those, you only remember your elbow really hitting and digging into the side of him, this looked more like he was punched... "Who did this to you?!!" you question now knowing you didn't make these. "Uh...um...Bric. But it's no big deal I've had worse," he said trying to ease your concern and boiling anger. "Why would he do this?!" you say as you gently run your fingers over the bruises making him shiver with every touch. "It doesn't matter, I'll be fine Y/N." "It matters to me because I care about you CT---" you cut yourself off, feeling dumb for using his number designation. "Cutup," he says placing his hand over yours pressing it lightly into his chest. "Cutup, that's a fitting name," you say leaning closer to him. Lifting his other hand up to your cheek pulling you closer so he can kiss you, -hastily you move your free hand to the back of his head so you can pull him to you quicker. Your lips collide, this time more desperate than the last kiss you both shared, his hands sliding down to grab around your waist as your hands looped around the back of his neck.   --After a few more minutes of desperate and passionate kissing, you drop your hands to remove your layers, dropping your armor to the ground carelessly as the both of you stepped backward nearing the bed you had in the corner of your room.  -Dropping the final parts of your armor as he backs right into the bed frame, you push him down into the soft cushion of pillows and blankets before you get over him, straddling him as you pull off your top and discard it on the floor. "Y/N..." he mutters while admiring your body, running his hands up and down your frame only stopping to gently rub at the numerous scars on your skin. "Sorry," you whisper, feeling shame at the countless scars littering your body. "For what?" "This body...these scars..." "No, no, you're beautiful, Y/N, you're perfect just the way you are." You smile at his words, leaning down, pushing your chest against his as you kiss him again, you reach down your hands to slide off your pants before you move to tug at his. "Pants..." you mummer against his lips between kisses. He moves his hands sliding them down your body as he goes to undo his pants and sliding them down as you allow him to move back further onto the bed.  -After he gets his pants off the rest of his legs you reposition yourself over him, running your hands over his chest as you lean down to kiss at it, gently kissing the bruises as you work further down watching him with your eyes as his head tilted back with pleasure.  --He lets out a desperate moan as you lick at the V shape at the end of his abdomen, moving your way closer to the waistband of his underwear pulling it down slightly so you can lick a little lower. "Kriff, Y/N please..." he whimpers as he works at pulling his underwear down for you, revealing his already hard member dripping at the tip, you move down licking at it, causing him to cry out your name as his body shivered, his breathing becoming deeper and more erratic.  -You start sliding your mouth over him, making him moan out more random words, you go down more working on him gently for a while until his hand cups your face. "I can't -- take much...more..." he pants out heavily looking at your mouth still around his cock, "Y/N can you --", you cut him off by placing your fingers over his mouth, knowing exactly what he wanted, you seductively slid him out of your mouth, before moving your entrance over him. As you impale yourself on him you moan out his name earning the most beautiful smile from him. Placing your hands on his chest to stabilize yourself as you move up and down on him while rocking your hips, he slides his hands around your ass squeezing it lightly as his own hips join in on your rhythm. "Ahh, Cutup, I...ahhh...-" your mind goes blank as jerks his hips into yours forcing himself deeper into you, --his jerking becomes more erratic as he sits himself up kissing you and pressing his chest against yours.   -Moaning against your lips as you continue to grind down on him, he reaches his peak soon after whimpering out your name he spills into you. He starts kissing, nibbling, and licking at your neck and collarbone desperate to show you his love for you as you reach your orgasm, you basically collapse into him as your body goes weak from the pleasure. He wraps his arms around you pulling you into his chest as he leans back against the bed, you both stay like that for some time before he lays you on your side and pulls out leaving you feeling empty. -He grabs some covers and throws them over both your naked bodies before allowing you to snuggle against his chest. Your eyes grow heavy from lack of sleep as he kisses your head, gently lulling you to sleep as he tells you he loves you, --before you drift off you're able to return those words to him. "I love you too Cutup."

[obsidianfr3sk]

The puppet of the sad eyes

Hi! I haven’t posted a one short in a really long time, have I? Jaskdbsj well, um... I had promised this fic to my mom @healing-winston-pratt a while ago, and since yesterday everyone was talking about Winston, I said to myself “this is a good moment to post the fic, Obsi”. So... here I am:’) 

Gosh, I feel akward. I swear I am not like this xjhksfdhds (who am I kiding, I’m just as akward as I seem) (reference not intended) It’s just that... like, there are another characters in the Renegades trilogy that hit me too close home, but Winston just hits me in a place that no other character has done before, and I wanted to write a little bit about him. I mean... not gonna lie, it’s a sad fic. But it has a happy ending! Angst-Fluff as they say in my village (? 

Two quick notes: First, trigger warning for mentions of sexual abuse. It’s nothing explicit, it’s just mentioned, but anyways, I want to warn that if anyone feels uncortable reading it, don’t worry, keep scrolling. Second, I tried to tag everyone who reblogged the post made by @chikuyi-hiro (fuck, I can’t tag them), the one where we all claimed to be part of the Winston Pratt defense squad (? I’m sorry if you didn’t want to be tagged sjkdfhskjddsj Also, um... tell me if you would like to be tagged in future works of mine. If everything works out, I will be posting two one-shorts this week (one halloween themed and the other will be my contribution to Osby October) so... if you want to see them or other fics like that, I can tag you:’) 

Well, Obsi, let them start reading, for fuck’s sake.

*le da el dibujito que hizo en el kinder* Hope you like it mom:’)

A03 link

Tag list: @nodrianbcyes @dawniebb  @alecjamesartino @everyone-has-a-nightmare @plain-jane-mclain @honey-harper-official @itsalittlebitchilly @novas-egg-beater @sanktaleksander and all the “Winston Pratt Defense Squad” (?

From the first day she appeared in his life, Winston realized that Nova gave him the creeps. He first thought it was because she was Ace Anarchy's niece, but no.

What gave him the creeps was that Nova didn’t sleep.

Leroy had told him not to comment on it. Winston didn't know if it was because he thought he was going to hurt the girl's feelings or if it was because he didn't want Ace to listen to him and take it as a personal insult. Winston didn't care either way, because it wasn't like he was going to shout it from the rooftops.

It was just an observation.

Nova gave him the creeps.

Maybe it was because sleeping was the best part of the day for him. He could disappear for a few hours into a deep, dark void. Get rid of any emotion he was feeling. No one was going to be able to hurt him, and if they did, he would never know.

Because when Winston slept, it was as if he didn't exist. It wasn’t like he could do it very often anyway.

Not only because now they had to live in a filthy, smelly tunnel. It was also because Winston hadn’t slept well for a long time.

He was lying on a piss-smelling mat Leroy had found in the trash. “If you don't want it, you're more than welcome to sleep on the floor,” he told him when Winston dared to mention that thing reeked.

Winston didn't want to sleep on the floor. If Honey could sleep on pissed mats, so could he.

His back itched.

The mat not only had piss on it, but apparently, it also had fleas. How nice.

He began to scratch his back, feeling like a freaking orangutan. Hettie looked at him critically, dozing from the little wooden bed he had so lovingly made for him.

“What are you looking at, bitch?” he asked.

Hettie crossed his arms and shook his head. In the cathedral, we wouldn’t be like this.

He kept scratching himself. “Sorry to call you bitch,” he mumbled. “You put me in a bad mood.”

I don't like you looking at me. I don't like you to analyze my every move. I don't like you watching me when I'm changing. I do not like you.

Then someone opened the door without knocking. Winston was about to shout “INGRID, GET OUT OF MY TENT” when he realized it was not Ingrid.

It was Nova.

Winston froze with his hand on his back. “Um... can I help you?”

It might be the first time he'd spoken to her directly, after that awkward moment during her second day at the cathedral, when Winston had tried to make conversation with her, and Ace had told him to stay away from Nova.

“I don't want you to do the same to her,” he had told him sternly.

Winston clenched his fists and clasped them against his chest.

It would never have occurred to him to use his powers on her.

But it seemed that Nova had taken to heart not speaking to Winston because indeed she did not speak to him the entire time they were in the cathedral. Before the Day of Triumph.

(What a stupid name for a day by the way.)

“Can I borrow a toy?” she asked in a small voice.

A toy. Nova wanted a toy.

“Ah. Yes, yes, yes…” Winston said, pulling the covers off (which also smelled like piss). “I… I have a lot of toys. Look.”

And he went to the second tent. Winston had to cower slightly to be able to move around there. Honey was always nagging him for his bad posture and he always told her it was the tent’s fault.

The last time that had happened, they were eating frozen pizza in a corner they had assigned for those kinds of times when they sat down together to gobble up leftovers.

“You can't blame inanimate objects for the rest of your life,” Honey exclaimed, losing her temper (for the eighth time that day).

At that moment, Winston felt his blood run cold. For the first time in his entire stay with the Anarchists, he wondered if they knew.

Do you see the marks of his hands on my body? Do you see me tremble at the slightest touch?

Do you see me behind the makeup?

The fear left as fast as it came. Ingrid threw a napkin at him and asked him (very unkindly) to pass her another slice, and Leroy pointed out to Honey that all objects were inanimate.

No one had noticed.

What a relief.

Watch me try it, Honey. Watch me try.

In that other tent, Winston had a pink toy kitchen. He had found it a couple of weeks ago in a garbage dump, and he had brought it to the tunnels by himself, despite complaints from his fellow anarchists. He was left speechless when he realized it was full of toy food and even a couple of blue plates and blue teacups. He spent the entire afternoon organizing his new kitchen, and he was not put off by Ingrid's constant teasing.

He had loved it. And he was sure Nova was going to love it too.

“Look,” he said, “I have everything here—” he lifted a light orange basket “—This is the little basket where I put the fruits, and this—” he pointed to a green basket “—it is the one with the vegetables. I even have a mini pumpkin, it's very cute.” He opened a compartment below the sink. “Here are the non-perishable items. Do you know what non-perishable means? It's... Look, I have a can of sardines. It's fake, of course. Do not try to open it, it’d break. Oh, also in the oven—” he opened the oven door “—I have some cookies, an apple pie, some croissants… it’s that how is pronounced?  Croissants . I don’t know, do you know? Is Artino a French or Italian surname?” Nova didn't reply. Had he offended her?  Shit . “Nova?”

He turned and realized that Nova hadn't followed him. He hurried back to the first tent and found Nova very comfortable sitting on the floor, playing with Hettie.

The puppet looked at her with demonic eyes.

No. Not her.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Winston yelled. “He's mine!” With one hand he snatched Hettie from her and with the other he squeezed the toy croissant. Nova was startled. “Don't touch him again! DO NOT PUT YOUR LITTLE HANDS ON HIM AGAIN, NOVA, OR I DO NOT RESPOND! DID YOU HEAR ME?!”

Nova started pouting, and with that, Winston snapped back to reality.

He looked at Hettie, lazily dangling in his right hand, looking up at him with a smile. His little eyes weren't demonic.

They were sad. Like Nova’s were at that moment.

He was saying , “Why don't you let me play with other kids, Winston? You never play with me anymore.”

I never played with you. Not since he did.

“Sorry...” he mumbled to Nova while putting the croissant in his pocket. “Damn, I'm sorry. Don't tell your uncle I yelled at you, please.”

Nova frowned a little. She looked more embarrassed than upset. “I just wanted to see it. He’s nice.”

Do you think so?

“Yes, but ... he was asleep,” he excused himself, putting Hettie back on his bed. “He doesn't like it when people wake him up. But I see that for you that is not a problem, huh?”

Nova lowered her head. “Sorry…”

“Nah. Do not worry. We are fine. Are we fine?”

Nova nodded quickly. The good thing was she wasn't going to tell her uncle. Ace would kill him if he found out.

It wasn't like Winston cared much if he died or not though. It was just that he didn't want Ace to kill him. It would be a bit embarrassing considering his current condition.

“Would you like to see a puppet show?” Winston asked her.

“Puppets?” She turned to see the wooden bed. “Puppets like him?”

“His name is Hettie.”

“Hettie,” Nova repeated.

Winston found it adorable.

“No, other types of puppets,” he replied. “Puppets I make with this—” he waved his hands in front of her face “—with my little hands.”

Nova wrinkled her nose and gently pushed his hands away, letting out a loud, joyous laugh.

It was the first time she seemed happy since the first day he saw her. How nice it was to hear a child laugh.

Children generally yelled when they were near him.

“I do,” Nova replied enthusiastically. “How will you do it?”

Winston settled down beside her. “Okay, we'll need a flashlight first… do you have a flashlight?”

Nova thought for a few moments. “Yes!”

"Well, go for it!" he exclaimed pointing into the distance as if he were a pirate. "Run, Novie, run!"

And Nova laughed again.

Her laughter echoed through the tunnels and in Winston's head.

He stared at Hettie, listening to Nova's feet pacing through the tunnel in search of the flashlight she mentioned. At one point, Leroy's voice interrupted the sound of her footsteps and asked her what she was doing (in a slightly gentler tone than he used to address the rest of the world) ( very  slightly gentler tone). Nova replied that Winston was going to do a puppet show for her.

“How?” Leroy asked.

Winston rolled his eyes.  How else, Leroy?

“With my little hands,” Winston whispered to himself.

And Nova responded as if she had heard him.

“With his little hands!”

It was such a large flashlight that Nova had to carry it with both hands. Winston moved quickly to take it, but she drew back as if assuring him that she could carry it by herself.

These modern women.

Nova pressed the power button. It did not turn on. She hit the lantern a few times until finally, a yellowish light illuminated the tent like a torch. Winston blinked many times to get used to the sudden change of light.

“You’d be a great engineer,” he stammered. Nova looked at him as if she didn't understand. “Forget it. Aim it over… there,” and pointed to the area of the tent that had a wall behind it.

She obeyed. Winston crawled closer to the stage and wiped the sweat and dirt from his hands on the patched pants he wore.

That sounded so stupid. Stage. It wasn’t like he was going to act or something.

He shot Nova a look. She was expectant.

And smiling. Truly smiling.

That made Winston smile too.

He made the first shadow. “What animal is this?” he asked.

“A moose!”

Another giggle.

Another shadow. “And this one?”

“An elephant!”

“Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen! And that was a difficult one!”

More giggles. More shadows. “For two hundred dollars more, Novie Artino, what is this animal?”

“It is easy!” she assured. “A goat!”

“Geez! You’re wrong!” Winston exclaimed. “It is not a goat! It's... Cyanide! Because he’s old and stubborn!”

He thought Nova wouldn't laugh. Cyanide was her favorite anarchist, and he knew it. However, that was the shadow that made her laugh the most. And the truth was Winston laughed even more.

“And wait, there’s more!” Winston went on. “Guess this one!”

Nova had a hand on her chin. “It's... it's a spider!”

“No! It's Phobia!”

“Because he’s ugly!” Nova laughed.

“He’s ugly indeed!”  What other shadow? What other shadow?  “And what about this one?”

“A duck!”

“What duck!” Winston laughed. “It's a swan!”

“It's Honey!” she screeched, pointing at the shadow with her finger.

“The one and only, Novie, the one and only!”

One more. A dog.

Nova immediately knew the answer. “Ingrid!”

“YES! BECAUSE SHE’S A TOTAL BITCH!”

At this point, both were laughing so hard they were almost out of breath.

If Leroy or any of the others had listened (which they surely had), Winston wouldn't mind at all if they got mad at him and ignored him for the rest of the week. They could pretend he didn't exist for the rest of his life and he wouldn't care. Seeing Nova happy made it all worth it.

Winston was happy too.

Nova wiped a small tear from her eye and looked at Hettie fondly. “Do you know what my mom did when I went to sleep?” she asked.

“What did she do?”

“She read me stories,” Nova replied. “She said that pretty stories would scare the nightmares away.”

Winston nodded. Probably someone had read stories to him when he was little, he just didn’t remember.

“Could you tell Hettie a story?” Nova begged. “Shadow puppets and everything. That way, he would have pretty dreams.”

Hettie? Dreams? Hettie couldn’t dream. And neither did Winston.

But he didn't want to ruin the mood.

“Of course.” He wiped the sweat on his pants. Again. “Let's see… Pay attention, Hettie. Your prettiest dream is about to start.”

He cleared his throat.

Pay attention, Hettie. Your worst nightmare is about to start.

“Once upon a time there was a rabbit,” Winston said, “that lived in the Land of Rabbits.” A rabbit shadow emerged from the corner of the stage. “The Land of Rabbits was… not a good place to live. There were eagles in the sky—” the eagle replaced the rabbit for a second “—that watched the rabbits, waiting for the first chance they got to eat them. So the rabbits had to hide in their tunnels.”

Nova stifled a comical gasp of astonishment.

“But there was this rabbit—”

“What was the rabbit’s name?”

Winston couldn't come up with a better name. “Hettie.”

Nova nodded in approval. “Did you hear, Hettie?” she asked the puppet. “You and the rabbit have the same name.”

You. You. It’s always you.

Everything always ends up being about you.

Fucking Hettie.

“Yeah, so Hettie was there. Being a rabbit.” Hettie Rabbit jumped happily throughout the light.

“He lived with Mama Rabbit and Papa Rabbit. They were the Rabbit family.”

“You say ‘rabbit’ a lot.”

Winston laughed, a little more tense than before.

Rabbit. Rabbit. Rabbit. Rabbit. Rabbit.

Hettie.

Fucking Hettie.

“But one day, Mama Rabbit and Papa Rabbit had to leave Hettie alone,” Winston continued. “And they left him with their friend…”

Hettie Rabbit became a hungry, violent, and heavy-breathing creature.

It became him .

“Their friend the wolf.”

Him. The wolf. The wolf. Him.

Hettie.

Winston sighed.  Fucking Hettie.

“So… so…”

So. So. So. So what happened?

Nova turned her head slightly. She had the same question.

Winston knew the Rabbit was a fucking idiot. What else happened to rabbits that entered the wolf's mouth? No one told that rabbit to go in there. But that rabbit had no other choice. He had nowhere else to go.

Or maybe he did have another place to go. If only he had been smarter…

“Um… Hey…”

If Hettie had been smarter, he would have warned Winston that when the wolves got too close, nothing good was going to happen to the rabbits.

But Hettie was a jerk.

Hettie. Hettie. Fucking Hettie.

“Winston!”

Her voice was like a needle that broke the bubble that enveloped him for a second.

“Novie?”

“What happened to Hettie?” she asked.

The mere question made his blood boil.

More shadows. The wolf, hungry and dangerous, on top of the rabbit, terrified and defenseless.

Nova was no longer smiling.

“Well, what happens to all rabbits,” he replied. “The wolf ate him. The end.”

The flashlight gave up and went off again.

Finally.

Winston turned to Nova. He didn't expect her to be happy. Winston certainly wasn't.

But he didn't expect to see her furious either.

“What a shitty story,” she spat.

“Excuse you?”

Nova stood up abruptly. Her turquoise pants were as dirty as his. “I said it was a shitty story. It isn’t like my mom’s stories.” She crossed her arms. “Do it again.”

“I won’t. I'm not going to tell another story,” Winston replied, standing up as well. “This is how it ends.” He walked over to her and put his finger on her chest. “El fin. The end. The end of all endings.”

“No!” Nova yelled as she clenched her fists and slammed her foot against the ground. “That is not the end!”

“I don’t care! It's my end!” Winston exclaimed imitating her. “Just like Hettie is my puppet! And I won't let you play with him!”

Nova's cheeks puffed out like a balloon. “Well, I'll play with him anyway!” she yelled, yanking Hettie off his bed. “You don't play with him! He feels alone! He told me!”

Winston tried to grab Hettie, but Nova pushed him away just in time.

It was a six-year-old girl versus a nineteen-year-old teenager. He could just kick her in the face and run.

But for some reason, he didn't do that. “Idiot!” he said taking Hettie’s arm. “Puppets don't talk!”

He tried to snatch it from her a second time. Nova grabbed his leg. “They talk to me!”

“It’s not true!” Winston insisted. “Liar! Liar, liar, pants on fire!”

Nova struggled too. “Your pants are on fire! You’re the liar!”

Hettie sided with Nova. You know that this is a very serious accusation, right? Why are you making up that kind of thing? Why are you lying to us, Winston?

Winston Pratt was many things. But he was not a liar.

He would never lie about that.

Why don’t you believe me? Why do you think I’m lying? I don’t want to make you suffer. Why would I want that? Only villains want to make people suffer.

Why would I be a villain?

Why would I be a liar?

He pulled Hettie toward him so hard, he ended up bringing Nova with him. She slammed into his chest and gave a slight groan.

Winston, not quite sure what he was doing, hugged her. He hugged her as he would have liked to be hugged.

When he told his parents the truth of his nightmares, his sleepless nights, and his constant fear, instead of covering him with kisses, hugs, and words of affection, they had called him a liar. Just like he had just called Nova.

He would never lie to them. Not about that.

Winston thought she would run away. He thought that she would also be terrified of any display of physical contact.

But Nova didn't. Nova hugged him too.

And Winston… Winston burst into tears.

Hysterically.

“Why are you crying?” Nova asked, worried.

“No, it's just... it's just...” he said between sobs. “It's just that I'm so sorry I made you angry.”

“I was not angry,” Nova corrected slightly defensively. “I panicked.”

That made him let out another sob. “Did I scared you?”

Nova clung to him tighter. “Yes. Your eyes changed.”

Winston sniffed with her purple jacket. “How?”

“They were... angry,” Nova explained. “Not sad. They didn't look like Hettie's.”

Winston separated from Nova. Hettie was crushed between the two of them. Despite the fight, he had remained intact.

Seeing him was like looking in a mirror.

Winston was not the puppeteer. He was a puppet.

It was Hettie’s fault. Winston’s fault.

Nova was looking at Hettie as well. She took him in her hands and caressed the buttons of the little suit with affection. Winston put his arm around Nova and gently shook her. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry,” Nova replied. “I won’t tell my uncle.”

Winston tried to laugh, but all that came out of his mouth was another sob. “Thank you for your kindness.”

Nova turned to see him. “Don’t cry. Stop it,” she ordered sternly.

He stopped crying. It was like… magic. 

You have balls, Novie. You have balls.

Her expression changed from annoyed to astonished. “Your makeup isn’t ruined.”

Winston stroked his cheek thoughtfully. “It’s… it’s not makeup.”

Nova reached out her hand and caressed it as well. “It's your face,” she whispered.

“It's my face,” he repeated.

She sat on his outstretched leg, looked away from him, and didn't let go of Hettie.

“Did the wolf really eat the rabbit?” she asked.

You and your damn rabbit.

“Really, really,” he replied.

Nova frowned sadly. “Poor little thing…”

“Poor little thing?” Winston snorted. “He deserved it.”

“Why?” Nova asked, very confused.

Why not? Why wouldn't he deserve it?

“Because… he shouldn’t be hanging out with wolves.”

And Nova turned to see him as if he had said the greatest nonsense in the world. She crossed her arms again, and very confident of herself, she said, “But the wolf shouldn’t be eating rabbits in the first place.”

Winston raised his eyebrows.

She was not an idiot.

But that was not how the world worked.

Nova returned her attention to Hettie.

Seeing her there, sitting on top of him, so helpless and confident, made him realize that he couldn't let something bad happen to her.

Not like others had let it happen to him.

“Nova,” he called her. Nova raised her gaze from the puppet. “If you ... if you ever meet a wolf, you have to tell me.”

“There are no wolves in the city,” she chuckled. “But if I do, I'll tell you.”

Winston chuckled too. “No, I mean... a wolf is not just an animal,” he explained. He scratched his back. He fucking hated bugs, really. “A wolf can be anyone who makes you feel bad. Has someone ever made you feel bad?”

Nova had to stop to think about it. Winston felt his heart beat faster.

Finally, she replied, “Honey once told me that I had a terrible accent and she couldn’t understand a word I was saying.”

He sighed in relief. Winston didn't know how he would have reacted if Nova...

If the same had happened to Nova.

“Okay, that's Honey being Honey,” he assured. “I mean... if someone... you know.”

Nova wrinkled her nose. Of course, she didn't know.

It was good that she didn't know, right? Or was it bad?

“Look, for example... We hugged a while ago, right?”

“Yes.”

“And I have my arm on your shoulder—” he raised his arm slightly. “—And you touched my cheek—” he held her fingers “—and right now you're sitting on my leg.”

He moved his leg in such a way that it made Nova jump slightly. “Yes,” she replied with a laugh.

“And is that okay with you?”

Nova nodded.

“I am glad. But if someone ever touches you or puts you in a situation where you are afraid, feel bad, or do not understand... run away. And you tell me, or your uncle, or Leroy, Honey… heck, even tell Phobia or Ingrid. But tell someone.” He put his hands on her shoulders, hoping the despair didn't show in his high-pitched voice. “Don't be like the rabbit.”

Don't be like me.

“But the rabbit didn't know about the wolf.” She stroked Hettie's cheek the way she stroked Winston's a couple of minutes ago. “It wasn't Hettie's fault.”

It was useless. It didn't matter how many times Nova repeated it to him.

Winston knew it was his fault.

But he also didn't want to argue about it anymore. Now he didn't matter. Nova was the only thing that mattered.

Nova was everything.

“Nova. Please, Nova, do you swear you will tell someone if you find a wolf?”

Do you swear you will never be like me?

“My Uncle Ace says swearing is terribly wicked.”

He squeezed her shoulders lightly.

Ace could go fuck himself.

Winston wanted to be certain that she was going to be safe, that she knew what she had to know.

Nova had to know if something bad happened to her...

Winston couldn't speak for the other anarchists. He wanted to believe they would do the right thing, but people kept surprising him in the worst ways. But Winston needed Nova to confirm that she knew that if something bad happened to her, he was going to believe her with the same intensity that others had not believed him.

One thing they had in common was that neither of them was a liar.

“If you swear it to me, I'll let you play with Hettie.”

Her face lit up. “Seriously?”

“Seriously, seriously.”

Nova giggled. “I swear.”

Winston offered his fist and Nova bumped into it.

He was silent, but his mind was racing.

It didn't matter what happened in the future. Winston was going to believe Nova. Forever. Because Nova wasn't going to be like him. And he wasn't going to be like the people who hurt him, either.

“Do you want to play with Hettie?” he whispered to her.

Nova stared at Hettie for a few more seconds. She smiled at him and returned him to his bed with the delicacy that only a girl her age could have. “No. He is already asleep. Tomorrow will be another day.”

And before Winston could respond, Nova squeezed his hand in such a way that she inadvertently pushed him into the void.

Winston fell asleep.

He slept better than he had in a long time.

[dragonrebelrose]

TROS Reaction 12-20-19. AKA my 6 page long dissertation about why I really disliked TROS.

I didn’t think it would be this bad. I truly thought there would be some gleaming moments of redeemability, but no. It’s one...giant...shit-show. What a horrible blow to the end of not only the sequel trilogy and these characters but to everything that came before. It really takes skill to mess up this badly.

A little something nice though, was the guy I sat next to. Really nice (and cute too ^-^ ) and he offered me some of his candy (Buncha Crunch! My favorite!) before the film started and then throughout the film because he said, “Well this is consolation for having to sit next to me.” Aw I couldn’t have asked for a better seat partner, I didn’t even know him! And then when the film ended he knew I didn’t take it well and I cried and shook through many moments and he offered the rest of his candy and I said, “Thanks, I think I need it.” I asked him what he thought overall and he said, “C-3P0 was pretty funny.” I said, “Yeah I agree. I actually knew everything that happened before I saw it, and I thought it was a mess.” He chuckled and said, “Me too, but I didn’t want to say anything in case you liked it.” I said, “Oh, no, I didn’t really like it. But I gotta be honest, Ben Solo didn’t deserve to die. That’s just my opinion.” I think he was surprised by that but didn’t disagree. He just kinda nodded or something and then we said goodbye and he left with his buddies, who also seemed pretty unenthused by the whole movie. Hopefully I gave him something to think about with my comment, but he was really nice and I’m glad he sat next to me.

Pessimism aside for now, I’ll start by listing the things I liked. I gotta be honest, there’s not much here.

Reylo is canon! But, in my opinion, it was handled pretty badly. Ben’s death is only the start of the problems for it, but more on that later.

C-3P0 is funny I guess. Yes he is annoying sometimes like usual, but not more so than other times.

D-O is freaking adorable. Out of everything good I’ve listed I have no qualms with this one. His manner is cute, his speaking is very funny, and his actions are just precious.

Babu Frik is very cute too, just perfect! Lovely little puppet! Don’t know why he was shoehorned in at the end battle but whatever. We never saw him again.

Maz is a puppet now? Okay, cool. Wish that would’ve been the case since the beginning. You had the technology JJ.

The music is good, when it’s given its own time to shine and be noticed. I feel like I barely noticed it was there because sound effects just drowned it out. Really wasted, but still good nonetheless.

Leia’s death and how it affected Ben. Wow. This was the first moment I truly cried. This was handled very well by Adam Driver, and then Maz saying “Goodbye, Princess.” Ouch, that got me.

Ben talking to the memory of his father! This is something I did not know was in the movie and boy am I glad I wasn’t spoiled for it! THIS is where the really hard tears and sobbing came. I was literally shaking and shivering trying to keep it in so as not to disturb everyone else. This. Part. Was. Perfect. Ben looks at him like he wants to say “I love you,” and Han says out loud “I know.” *crazy screaming and crying* Out of all the things they got wrong for Ben in this film, THIS they got right!

Ben Solo is the Solo boy we always wanted. Running in with a t-shirt, gun slinging, blasting opponents without even looking. THIS is a true son of Solo! But of course they give him no lines except “Ow.” THAT was a bad idea.

And that’s it. Yes those are the only things I even remotely liked, but I have to be honest, each one of these has some kind of problem attached to it which sours the real enjoyment.

On to what I disliked. Strap in lads, this is going to be a long ride.

1. The pacing. OH. MY. GOSH. SLOW. THE. FUCK. DOWN. For fucks sake I couldn’t even process what the hell was happening before we were on to the next thing! This was the biggest problem with the movie, BY FAR. Yes I know the story is terrible, we’ll get to that, but the pacing just completely took me out of the movie. I couldn’t feel invested in anything because it was all in one ear and out the other like ten-fold!

And this is part of the issue I have with how Reylo was handled. It. Felt. So. Rushed. And. Unfinished. There weren’t enough scenes with them and the scenes we did get were so fast and then over with that it felt like no progress was being made at all! It felt, for lack of a better word, unearned. And I know, that’s not really the case since they’ve had plenty of build-up in the last 2 films, but there wasn’t enough time with them spent NOT fighting and hating each other and opposing each other. Yes, I know, Kylo kept trying to get Rey to take his hand, but it doesn’t feel genuine because even Kylo feels out of character, and Rey too, big time. Now this isn’t the actor’s faults, they did what they could with the shitty story they were given, so I put all this blame at JJ’s desk.

In any case the overall film pacing was too fast, too much, too soon, too many things onscreen, too many things happening at once, not enough character, not enough motivation, not enough letting scenes breathe and just play out naturally. Everything felt forced for the sake of the “plot.” Oh we gotta get this thing, and then that thing, to get this thing, so we can defeat these guys! LET. US. BREATHE.

2. The story. My gosh, they couldn’t have picked a worse storyline to follow. Everything truly felt like it was written by a fanboy who wanted to retcon everything in TLJ, even down to the dialogue. Everyone keeps saying to Rey “You’re a Palpatine.” But it sounds SO strange, like nobody says things like this. I get it, it’s a space fantasy, they talk weird mumbo jumbo but it just sounds like a fanboy ghost wrote this. Like we gotta have everyone know now she’s a Palpatine! You’re a Palpatine! You’re a Palpatine! Palpatine heir! All bow down to the Palpatine! Give me a break.

3. Yeah, let’s talk about Palps. The old raisin himself. You know, I never really liked ROTS, but Palps was always a great thing about it. He was sinister, diabolical, he had a plan and knew what to do with it. But this Palps. *le heavy sigh* What a waste this was. For one thing, the lightning effects that lights up his face is really annoying, even for someone who doesn’t get seizures, I can’t even imagine what it’s like for those who do, I’m so sorry. And like, he has this whole legion of Sith followers? The fuck? Where the hell were these guys before? I’m sure they existed BEFORE the last Sith Lord died, right?

I digress. I have a question though: why does he want Rey so much? Why didn’t he try to get his son to take over? Wouldn’t that have been easier? Also, WHO DID HE FUCK TO GET A SON?? HOW DID HIS SON GET AWAY FROM HIM?? WHY DID HIS SON APPARENTLY TURN TO THE LIGHT?? THERE’S TOO MANY QUESTIONS HERE AND NO GOOD EXPLANATIONS. AND NO DISNEY, I DON’T WANT A 10-PART COMIC ON THIS. GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

The only interesting thing about Palps in this film is that his face gets melted off like a Raiders of the Lost Ark knock-off. He better not be coming back. Ever again.

4. And hey, while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about Rey’s parents. So apparently they’re both good people. *le sigh* But what kind of good people leave their daughter alone on a harsh and unforgiving planet with a blubber guy? And don’t tell me they didn’t know he was an abusive asshole, they LIVED on Jakku, they HAD to have known him, ESPECIALLY if they truly were junk traders, they would have DEALT with him. Oh, and apparently the “I’ll come back for you sweetheart, I promise” line is changed up a bit and given to her father after all. No. Screw that. That line was meant for Ben, I don’t care how petty this sounds, this is terrible. So yeah, fuck Rey’s parents, I don’t care how “good” you try to make their intentions, they’re badly shoehorned in and they screw up anyway. Next.

5. Ben’s story and his fate. So yeah, obviously I hate that Ben died, but more than that I hate how his story was handled here. It was so rushed, it didn’t feel as natural as it should have. It needed time to BREATHE. A lot of time! And I feel like they really shafted Kylo/Ben’s story off to the side to give more time to the hereby named GoldenTrio. (You know who I mean...we’ll get to them.) It really seemed like JJ didn’t even care about Ben’s fate anymore, and just kind of put it in as an afterthought. His death scene? Not even given a fucking minute to process because WE GOT TO PARTAY. All in all, his whole story is so terribly sad that I don’t even know if I can watch TFA or TLJ anymore, knowing how it ends.

6. The GoldenTrio. Oh for fucks sake, JJ, you should have killed Poe off when you had the chance, because now the story is all about THEM. Boom! They’re literally front and center in the movie. I don’t even think Reylo gets as much screen time as them. I mean really, Ben’s death scene and Rey’s grieving gets 1.5 minutes, tops. GoldenTrio reunion and threesome hugging? 5 fucking minutes of nothing but them hugging. I’m not even exaggerating. (Okay maybe I am, but it’s given more focus and time to “breathe” than Ben Solo’s fucking death. I’m getting a headache remembering it.)

Hey, remember in ESB and ROTJ where the trio got split up and had their own story lines and own purposes to fulfill without each other hanging around (apart from Han and Leia because their story lines are interconnected)? Yeah, I miss that too.

Also, Rey keeps wandering off being “pulled” to something, and every...single...time, Finn is like “Rey, wait! Poe we gotta get her! rEy CoMe BaCk!!” This happens at least 5 times, pretty consecutively too. It gets old real fast. Boy do I miss the days of TLJ where people got to be away from each other to discover new things without interference.

Which leads me to another point: They tried to shove FinnRey in here while shitting on FinnRose quite literally. What. A. Slap. To. The. Face. This is horrible treatment, and I hope Kelly will never do another interview for Lucasfilm again. She doesn’t deserve this.

7. The Ending™. Wow. What a way to show that your characters haven’t progressed at all by showing them in the same environment that they started in. Let’s do an overview: Rey starts out alone on a desert planet and meets a droid that isn’t hers. Rey ends up alone on a desert planet with a droid that still isn’t hers. PROGRESSION 101!! *slaps forehead* I mean, don’t even get me started on the fact that Ben isn’t there with her and that literally one half of her soul is gone (how is she not in agony right now??), but then to add more salt to the wound she’s just like “oh yeah I must be the rightful successor to the Skywalker name, even tho I’m a Palps...makes sense to me!” Fuck off. You don’t deserve that title after hating Luke for not doing what you wanted him to do and for hating Ben for most of this movie too.

Can we also acknowledge that this is THE ABSOLUTE WORST POSSIBLE WAY TO END A 40 YEAR SAGA AND FAMILY LEGACY? So, Palps had a kid who had a kid. This kid is then deemed a-okay by the family that was affected most by Palps and they welcome her like the sunshine child she is, yet shun their own offspring for being damaged goods because he was being manipulated by said Palps. Okay, it’s official now, everyone’s an asshole...except Ben. He seemed to be the only one to understand his faults and right his wrongs and not be an idiot. Then the kid who was abused and manipulated is killed because “reasons” or “problematic” or whatever and the offspring of Palps lives while the family that Palps manipulated is ultimately gone forever because it’s last descendant wanted to save the offspring of Palps out of the goodness of his heart. Now the offspring of Palps doesn’t even give a flipping thank you and steals their name. wHaT a SaTiSfYiNg EnDiNg!!! Someone gag me.

8. Luke’s X-Wing being raised out of the water and it’s in perfect working condition. What. The. Fuck. I don’t know if you guys realize this, but this completely undermines Luke’s arc in TLJ. That X-Wing was sunk and dead to show that he had no desire to return to the outside world. He was staying on the island. For good. And he buried that thing in water to make sure he couldn’t use it ever again, but it was still visible to him to remind him of his conviction if ever he questioned it. But no. That thing is a-okay and ready to fly. No need for parts, there’s no rust or any sea salt corrosion, ready to go skipper! This was just added for easy call-backs to ESB but boy this had absolutely 0 weight to it. I literally yawned or looked at my watch around this part thinking “oh my gosh isn’t it over yet?” Pretty much sums up my entire experience.

9. Rose got shafted to appease the fanboys. This one needs no further explanation or analysis, it just sucks and has no real reason to exist.

10. Luke was barely in it and offered not that great advice. Poor Mark. His performance really peaked with TLJ and never went back up.

11. Rey is suddenly the Avatar now? You can now talk to all previous Jedi’s who existed? What buffoonery is this? Oh, but Ben doesn’t get a single. fucking. word. from Anakin, the man he looked up to. I’m so tired right now. What’s left?

12. The message changed from “it doesn’t matter if you’re a nobody, you’re a somebody to me” to “you’re a somebody with a bad bloodline, but that doesn’t define you (except when it totally does)”. That sort of message would be fine if it had been the message since TFA, but it wasn’t. The message since TFA was “I’m a nobody, but I can become a somebody regardless of my lineage or my childhood.” Why change the message in the 11th hour? To appease fanboys. Literally anything that makes no sense in this movie can be attributed to fanboys. There’s so much contradiction and hypocrisy in this film from both the narrative and the characters that it’s insulting.

13. Hux was utterly shafted too. What a waste of a well built up and conniving little bastard who in the end gets shot for shock value and laughs. It’s like what TLJ did but way worse because he’s actually killed. Hux as the spy? Just no.

14. Jannah was kind of wasted too, not enough screen time. I get her and Finn kind of bonding over being ex-stormtroopers, but it’s not really delved into. Also the whole “nature vs. machinery” thing kinda briefly shows up at the big battle and feels unearned too, because there was nothing before in this movie or others to suggest there was a war between the two.

15. Poe is treated more as the heir to Leia than Ben is. Poe gets to fly the falcon and gets to wreck it up (dishonoring who it belonged to before), gets to be by Leia’s deathbed, etc. Not earned at all.

16. The pointlessness of random cameos or thrown in references. Not a single person in my theater noticed John Williams as the bartender, nobody pointed out or said anything about any reference from previous movies, it was silent.

17. What the hell was even the point of the whole “Dark Rey” vision? Oh, she shows her scary pointy teeth ala Bilbo style. No thank you.

18. Why the hell does it feel like these characters aren’t the characters from TFA and TLJ? They feel so different and it’s noticeable.

19. Finn is Force sensitive. Literally tacked on like nobody wouldn’t notice. We noticed JJ. We notice everything.

20. Rey and Kylo/Ben fighting for way too much of the film and their interactions. Not enough caring or understanding, not enough longing looks, it feels like their romance was almost cut from the film entirely.

21. Oh yeah, Rey floating at the beginning? Looked stupid as hell. And the “Be with me” line? I thought maybe, just maybe, she meant Ben, but no. She’s trying to reach “her past selves” like the fucking Avatar and she’s even floating rocks around like Aang did. Ugh.

22. Anything else? Oh yeah, this movie sucks completely and wholly...FOR NOT GIVING ONE FUCKING LINE OF DIALOGUE TO BEN SOLO AFTER HE HAD BEEN REDEEMED. HOW HEARTLESS CAN YOU BE THAT YOU LET HIM DIE WITHOUT SAYING ONE FINAL THING?!?! DAMN J.J. YOU’RE STUPID.

And that’s it. Kudos if you read the whole thing. I ramble a lot.