#and put the Gorilla in danger

[nelkcats]

Purple Matchmaker

Gotham Zoo had a last minute transfer. It seems that while she was on her way to her original Zoo, the Purple-back Gorilla was attacked, and although they were able to protect her, they noticed that something strange was happening..

Deliah is pregnant and many of Gotham's villains have taken an interest in getting her hands on the endangered species while she stays. Something that Robin is not willing to tolerate, since he has declared himself the zookeeper until further news.

Unfortunately the news that the Gorilla is in New Jersey traveled to Amity Park, where a spiteful Skulker heard about it and plans to capture her and her calf. Phantom isn't having any of that either.

Of course, the two collide while doing their duty, and while Phantom isn't sure how to take on Gotham's Rogues, Robin isn't sure what the strange glowing green creature is that keeps firing missiles. Neither of them considered that they needed help from the other. They are both trained vigilantes with a lot of experience, they will surely manage on their own.

Due to how stubborn neither of the boys , both are not giving each other advices on the subject. Or at least they aren't until the Gorilla himself starts judging them. Maybe working together isn't so bad, it's just temporary.

On the other hand, Damian has been chatting with the one who discovered Deliah's gender in the first place and considers him a lovely guy. He a little clumsy but his heart is in the right place. If he would just stop defending that Phantom guy...

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

There's a viral video circulating from the Fort Worth Zoo, of two keepers who ended up in a habitat at the same time as a silverback gorilla. Spoiler for good news: neither the humans nor the gorilla got hurt. It's a bad situation that ended extremely well, and that's why I want to talk about it.

The audio for this video is mostly someone praying loudly, so if you need to turn the audio off to watch it, you won't miss anything relevant. If you don't want to watch it, here's the summary: it starts with a keeper running around the corner into the main exhibit, pursued by a large male gorilla. She is quickly able to get into a doorway at the back of the exhibit, but does not completely close the door because the gorilla is standing across from her, watching. He eventually moves off to the right hand side of the exhibit, where we can see a keeper is trapped in the corner at the front. She was trying to move towards the exit as he moved to the right, and she stops, standing very still behind a tree, while he stays along the far right wall. They stay like that for a minute, and then the gorilla runs to the front right corner, and the keeper is able to run to the door in the back of the exhibit and get to safety.

Let's start with basic information. Even though it's just going viral now, this video is from October of 2023. It was taken not by a guest, but by the zoo security officer responding to the situation. Hmmm, seems like he maybe should have been doing something else during that situation, instead of than taking a phone video. It's going viral now because the guy (who is no longer employed at the zoo) decided to post it on TikTok for his five minutes of fame. This guy immediately started giving all sorts of media interviews, answering questions like "why no tranquilizers" inappropriately, making memes out of his own video, generally distasteful shit.

Zoo spokesperson Avery Elander gave a public statement that "thankfully, there was no physical contact between keepers and gorilla, and all staff and animals are safe." A comment from the zoo has also indicated that the incident was due to keeper error. (As opposed to, for instance, something in the fencing breaking.) According to the guy who posted the video, a lock was left unsecured and the gorilla was able to open the door to the habitat. I don't know if I buy it, and again, this just... is probably why he doesn't have a job anymore. By sharing that detail - real or not - he places a ton of public scrutiny and blame on that keeper team. (If that's what happened, I can promise you it will have been dealt with internally.) He also was nice enough to say he wouldn't name the women in the video... but verified they're still staffers at the zoo... which means they're eminently identifiable! Excuse me while I ragequit for a second.

So there's two reasons I wanted to talk about this. The first is to make sure it is well known that this guy is purposefully and intentionally exploiting the worst day of someone's life for media attention. Their lives were in danger, and he's using it for fame. His name is in the media articles - I'm not going to share it because he doesn't deserve that attention. The second reason, though, is because this video is a masterclass on how to survive if you end up sharing space with a gorilla. Every zoo person I've spoken to or seen comment on the video is so, so impressed with how the keepers handled themselves.

The gorilla in this video is 34-year-old Elmo. All apes in AZA zoos are managed in protected contact, so keepers are supposed to be separated from them by a barrier at all times. The zookeepers were in the habitat putting out a mid-day meal when he got out. Watching the video, you can see he's not actively being aggressive towards them - he's not making threat displays or trying to approach them. Mostly, Elmo seems like he doesn't know what is going on and he's kinda freaked out about it. (This is confirmed in the zoo's press statement, too). The staff stayed calm, and importantly, watched and waited to see how he'd move and act.

The zoo did say one thing, though, that's a bit misleading. In one article, their press person I quote as saying “In general, gorillas are considered the “gentle giants” of the great ape species.” Just because this may be true in comparison to other great ape species doesn't meant gorilla aren't still incredibly dangerous. This type of messaging always worries me, because I think it leads people to misunderstand the risks of being close to megafauna. Gorilla are extremely strong animals, and their social norms/behaviors are very different from that of humans. That's why it's such a big deal any time people end up in gorilla habitats, and why sometimes in those circumstances lethal measures have to be taken to protect human life.

These keepers are incredibly lucky to be unharmed. These women stayed safe specifically because they're trained professionals who knew how to act around gorilla, they knew this particular animal well, and they'd learned the escapes from the exhibit just in case this ever happened. We should applaud them for their cool heads and quick thinking.

As for the guy who posted the video? As a colleague put it, may he always step on a Lego.

[factual-fantasy]

Ah yes, the old King Kong himself! I didn’t actually think I was going to add him and Diddy to my AU because I wasn’t sure how they’d fit.. But after brainstorming with a friend, we found a way! XD

I tried to put a lot of thought into DK and Diddy’s designs. Everything was intentional. Diddy and DK’s ENORMOUS size, DKs long fur, the red and blue tones in their fur, DK having long claws while Diddy does not, Diddy’s clothing choice, EVERYTHING! I tried my best to think it all through.

If ya wanna read about their lore and why they look the way the do, I have a ramble below the keep reading just for you! :D

Ahem,

SO

Off the coast of Daisy’s kingdom is this big island that can be seen from the shore. Daisy sent some of her Delfino people to go explore it but they never returned.. so she sent a rescue team after them, but they disappeared too.

Desperate, she turned to Mario and Luigi for help. Now, Mario and Luigi have just proved their strength and heroism by defeating Bowser. And they ALSO have a pet Yoshi. If anyone can go to that seemingly dangerous island and return? Its them.

Daisy approached them with an offer. You go use your magical powers and find out what happened to my missing people, and I’ll give you whatever you want. They agreed and made their way over...

Only to find destroyed campsites, boats torn apart... and bodies. Bodies everywhere. 

Turns out this island is home to these enormous ape like animals. And they attacked the Delfino’s because they were loud, setting fires, chopping down trees, taking their food, etc. When they encountered the King himself, Yoshi was utterly terrified. He knew he was outmatched. There was absolutely no way he could protect the Mario brothers from this thing. So he just slowly pulled Mario and Luigi to the ground and cowered in fear. Trying to make them all look as non confrontational as possible.

Thankfully their petrified faces and absolute silence labeled them as a non-threat. And the situation was defused. Loads of shenanigan's later and they waved goodbye to Donkey, Diddy and all the other monkey creatures and returned to Daisy with the gruesome news..

Their reward? They just wanted enough food to fill Yoshi’s belly. Poor guy probably burnt all the calories he had trying not pass out back there.

Now the design lore! :D

On this island, there are these really powerful fruits and veggies that have super star power in them, just like Yoshi’s island. Only these ones work a little differently..

There are two main super foods on this island. The giant red beet type veggies that grow deep in the ground. And the big blue fruits that grow in the trees.

The big red beets are really bitter and tough like rocks. But anyone who eats them will begin to grow in size. The gorilla like animals on this island will use their claws to dig them up and use their iron jaws to crack them open and eat them. That’s why Donkey Kong is red. 75% of his diet consists of these bitter, giant red super beets that make him grow to be giant.

Meanwhile Diddy, and all the other Monkey like animals.. they cant dig for these beets. And their jaws are not strong enough to crack them open. Plus the beets are really bitter.. SO, they prefer to climb into the trees and eat the sweet blue fruits that grow at the very top.

These sweet fruits are also powerful in nature, but instead of making you stronger, they encourage brain growth. So all the monkeys that eat this super sweet brain fruit, will just get really smart and their fur will turn more blue.

The two species almost had a war between them. But they quickly discovered they’re better off together. The gorillas can protect the monkeys from threats, while the Monkeys use their intelligence to make tools and shelter.

This peace is further solidified by Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong's friendship. Diddy being the smartest monkey and DK being the strongest Gorilla.

All in all this island is rather peaceful at its core. But in the end its still full of wild animals. And is considered more dangerous than Yoshi’s island. To this day no one has ever returned to DK’s island. Although DK and Diddy would happily welcome the Mario Brothers back with open arms if they ever decided to visit.

[escarlatellie]

here with you ; ellie williams. (4.5k.)

⤿ f!reader, college!au, drinking + kissing, fluff fluff fluff <3 lowercase is on purpose , was blasting ceilings by lizzy so excuse the title

⤿ you're invited to another one of dina's off-campus parties not long after finals, where you meet a pretty girl who miraculously knows your name. away from the hustle of the actual party, where people are plastered out of their minds and making a ruckus, you and this pretty stranger get to know each other a little and earn yourselves a place in the other's heart.

“if you want anything just let me know, okay?” 

dina’s hand is warm, splayed across your lower back as she guides you away from what had to be the noisiest place at the party. it’s no surprise she attracts such diverse groups of people, given her gregarious personality and hard-to-overlook kind of beauty.

you would be lying if you said you hadn’t had a crush on her when you first met her; it’s dina, how could you not? thankfully, over maybe a year of getting to know her, you realized she wasn’t exactly your type and that she was far too head-over-heels for her on-and-off partner to even think about you. honestly, she never shut up about the guy.

“got it. thanks, dina.”

you definitely were not going to mention the almost completely assured possibility that you wouldn’t see her at all for the rest of the night. thing is, when you’re the host of parties like these, you tend to get thrown around a lot. though she doesn’t really seem to mind, since this is, at the very least, the fourth party you’ve been invited to since finals ended (which was around a month ago).

she hums passively at the acknowledgement, then gestures fluidly towards the rest of the room. there are a few people situated on her couch, a couple of them already putting on a show for the others while a few sit alone, sipping their drinks with reckless abandon. you’ve never gotten completely plastered at one of dina’s parties, always the type to stay back and help her clean up if she hasn’t passed out or gotten herself sick, but unsurprisingly, there are always those who’ll take any chance they can get.

“mi casa, su casa.” she sings, then she’s gone. 

left alone, you can handle yourself. why the hell would you come here if you couldn’t? you head towards what you remember to be the kitchen, but right now looks like a completely unprofessional bar complete with its own bartender—who you belatedly recognize to be jesse, dina’s on-and-off partner—in search of booze. 

said bartender nods at you when you catch his eye, pouring whatever’s on the table for tonight into a very typically red party cup—on the house, since you get special privilege—and sliding it over to the edge of the counter. whatever’s inside sloshes dangerously, threatening a mess which’d only add to the ugly stickiness of dina’s countertops, but you grab and take a whiff of it before it can tip over. 

“what, don’t trust me?” jesse ribs over the music—he speaks of your tentative sniff—, which is, as you’ve just realized, getting progressively louder. 

“if i say anything,” you mutter, which gets you his typical jesus christ, these people, kind of laugh and he leans back against the counter, right next to you. 

head crooked to the side slightly, you look him over. objectively, you can see why he and dina mesh so well; they’re both unbelievably attractive and complement each other’s personalities perfectly (from what you’ve seen, at the very least). their pretty much daily arguments aside, you can tell they love each other and only want the best for one another. that said, you can only imagine what’s running through his head right now.

“she’s not going to get shit-faced drunk,” he mutters, and that’s your cue to leave. you know he’s trying to console himself more than anything.

“no, she’s not.”, you respond in kind, patting his shoulder with just as much care as one would handle a two-hundred-pound gorilla, before pushing yourself up off the edge of the counter and walking out of the kitchen. god knows he could spend an hour sitting there talking about her; you’ve had enough of that for, quite literally, the rest of your life. 

the sole of your left shoe sticks to the ground a little as you walk, and you thank your past self for owning a strictly-for-parties pair of converse which were, sadly, a little too worn in for your own good. sneaking a glance into the main hall, you catch a glimpse of your best friend seated halfway up the stairs chatting with someone—maybe a senior? junior, at the very least—who’s got a guitar case slung over her shoulder and the most unruly head of short, auburn hair you’ve ever seen. 

dina’s gesturing wildly at the front door, likely having gotten into an argument with said stranger (except it looks far too fond to be serious), when the two of you make eye contact. her eyes are a strikingly pale kind of green, piercing through whatever weak defenses you’d put up for the night in a very relaxed fashion. she’s got this look on her face that screams uninterested, which is quickly swapped out for a look of rapt attention at your own once she realizes you don’t actually plan on looking away. 

because man, she’s hot.

it’s just then that a presumably tanked freshman crashes into you and spills the contents of whatever it is they were drinking all over you, effectively shattering whatever that was. really, you would be grateful for it—something to spare you the embarrassment of looking too interested in someone way out of your league—had there not been the undeniable presence of cool, once-iced liquor spilling down the front of your printed tee. 

“oh, fuck,” you curse, nearly missing their hurried apology before they barrel out the front door.

this wouldn’t be the first time. you sigh, reluctantly slipping away from all the noise, away from the pretty stranger, to deal with your problem. usually, you’d have an extra top shoved haphazardly into dina’s closet, something you could throw on in the worst-case scenario, but laundry day was just yesterday and all of your stuff was piled on your bed back home. already you could feel the liquor causing the shirt’s fabric to stick, leaving an icky, gross feeling that was begging to be cleaned up. the humidity from everyone’s breathing was not helping.

you set your cup down on a random table (never to be seen again) as you make your way to the bathroom. you wouldn’t be surprised to find the door locked, having been an unsuspecting party crasher one too many times in your first and some of your second year, but luckily the room’s unoccupied—not for long—and you slip in and lock the door behind you after waving off a concerned glance from jesse, who’s very slowly making his way to his girlfriend. no surprise there. 

“oookay, fuck.” you curse, flipping the light switch and nabbing a couple (a lot) of the mini towels out of dina’s probably way-too-expensive towel rack and pressing them to your front, hoping they’ll soak up some of the leftover moisture, at least save you from the mortification of showcasing to everyone your chest and abdomen.

it doesn’t really help.

again, not an irregular occurrence, so you’re not too worried; dina’s typical party etiquette has ensured that everyone here will leave you be and mind their own business. that doesn’t help your pride, but you concede to stepping back out and flipping the light switch off behind you as you make your way to the front.

this time, when you cross the main hall, dina’s gone and so is her friend. accompanying disappointment comes the ponderance of whether jesse found dina or not and if the pretty stranger has left, but you remind yourself you’ll find out later—probably near midnight when people start to filter out for the night and you’re tasked with cleaning up—, however frustrated that makes you, given the fact you’d lost a chance you probably never had in the first place. 

you pass a group of what look like sophomores playing beer pong against seniors—or maybe even graduates?—on your way out, and silently curse the growing pool of booze dripping on the floor right next to the table on your way outside.

the door is wide open, so being engulfed in cold air on your way outside is no surprise. luckily, the weather is calming down a little after a gruelling winter, so there’re only a couple of piles of leftover snow and the breeze doesn’t serve as an immediate freezer. however, your damp tee is anything but a savior and causes an eruption of a ton of goosebumps across the pane of your chest, stretching as far as your shoulders, which are only covered by the loose fabric of your top.

you’re not sure what you expect to see when you turn the corner to dina’s garage, but seeing her and her boyfriend sucking face is absolutely not it. dina’s got him pressed right up against the garage door, and you’re pretty sure that if jesse weren’t sober out of his mind he’d be giving into every single one of her wordless demands.

you slip past easily, far away enough to go by soundlessly and completely bypass the two’s freaky-ass sixth sense. the back gate is just as well-managed as the rest of the house and opens quietly, in no contrast to the backyard itself, which is empty and well-kempt. you know only you and a select few people are actually allowed into dina and her parents’ pretty backyard, so peace is expected and welcomed. the breeze is also blocked by the house, which is nice.

there are a couple of flowers blooming already, and their scent wafts through the air, bringing a natural sort of calm. the yard is illuminated by the house—light dances in beautiful patterns against the greens and greys that make up the garden—, but so is the relaxed silhouette of the same pretty stranger you saw less than ten minutes ago. this time, she’s hunched over in one of dina’s ugly bright-green lawn chairs with a guitar seated in her lap.

you consider her privacy and the fact that maybe she doesn’t want company right now or that she’s too busy with her music as you make your way over—aside from those ugly lawn chairs, really, there’s nowhere else to sit—but then banish your hesitancy with the acknowledgement that this is just as much a space for you as it is for her. 

the chair scrapes against the patio as you pull it out, just far away enough from the brunette to make yourself seem open and friendly, but respectful of her space. you worry the cheap plastic is going to snap beneath your weight as you sit down, but it holds well and serves as a final, much-needed resting spot for your already sore feet. once your rustling stops, you hear the gentle strum of a guitar and realize the girl hasn’t stopped playing.

you relax further into your seat. 

closer up now, you have the chance to really look at her. her hair’s pulled back now, half-up half-down, a lot less dishevelled than she’d been when you’d last seen her. 

looking lower, she’s wearing a low-cut short-sleeve and an unbuttoned flannel long-sleeve. skin-tight, ripped jeans line what look like toned thighs and spread legs, stained black and white converse completing the look. her fingers move deftly between frets, over strings, and you just barely catch the edges of a black and white tattoo peeking out from beneath her sleeve. she’s got really nice hands, you think, just as pretty as her face.

“i can feel you fuckin’ staring.” 

her tone is accusing, but not necessarily malicious or irritated; she doesn’t even look up at you when she says it, adjusting her guitar in her lap as she works at whatever she’s trying to play. her voice suits her, too, you think, and shift a little where you sit at the thought. 

“sorry. you’re really good at guitar.” you mutter, earning an amused chortle from the girl across from you. it’s a pathetic excuse—you’re well aware of your own unsubtlety—but there was something there, something between you two, not long ago, and you’re not just going to let it slip away. the alcohol’s got you pleasantly buzzed, and you’re sure that if you were a little soberer, you’d be embarrassed. 

“you think so?” 

she looks up now, a brow raised. you catch the slit in her right eyebrow, cocked slightly as her gaze rakes over you. she’s got this lilt to her voice that feels like it means trouble, however, it does nothing but pique your interest a little more. 

your response of “mhm. you play real nice.” earns you another glance over.

“i’ve seen you around a couple times. you’re a friend of dina’s, right?” she questions, looking between you and her instrument as she tunes what she seems to think is an out-of-tune string. her leg—the one which has the least contact with her guitar—bounces gently against the patio floor, and it takes you a second to realize she’s seen you around before and remembers you.

“yeah. best friend? i think? she likes to call it that.”, you joke, shoulders trembling slightly at the very unwelcome entrance of another breeze, carrying in the temperature from the front into the back. the sound of the stranger’s laugh is already addicting, especially when it feels genuine. that’s sometimes hard to come across, and you’re already starved for it even though you’ve been speaking to this girl for like, a minute.

“i’ll tell her you said that. shouldn’t she have an extra top for you or something?” 

“she does, usually. kinda forgot to leave a couple here.” you hum, pointedly ignoring the third glance over the girl’s given you since she’d first laid her eyes on you. her lips are pursed slightly, gaze trained wholly on your face whenever you speak yet it wanders when silence stretches between you two. her eyes are locked on something behind your head when she speaks again.

“are you two a..?” 

“thing? no, have you met jesse?”

“dina’s got a ton of other people that aren’t jesse, babe.”

your cheeks warm at the pet name, and you realize she’s right. dina’s had a couple of other flings outside of jesse; every time the two of them break up, she runs off to someone else before realizing she doesn’t want anyone but him. then, suddenly, without your permission, your mind wanders at the idea of someone wanting you the same way those two want each other. 

“no, we’re not,” you shake your head as she looks back at you. briefly, so momentarily, you question whether she actually likes girls or not—and if it seems like you do—so add a quick and easy-sounding, “think i liked her a year or so back, though.”

the stranger nods, and you’re suddenly hit with the fact that you don’t know her name. 

caught in your own head, you don’t register her leaning back in her seat, guitar following her movements, pressed right up against her abdomen. you do though, notice her shrugging her long sleeve off and balling it up in her free hand before it's carelessly thrown your way. your rapt attention towards her movement is pretty much the only reason you were able to catch it; it’s warm from her own body heat in your cold hands. it’s pretty obvious what she wants you to do with it, but you wouldn’t want to impose so you just stare at it.

“put on the damn sweater. it’s cold.”, she mutters, and you can’t help but bite back a smile at her tone; what was likely intended to come across as gruff and demanding sounds pleading and mildly concerned. you unravel the garment and pull your arms through the sleeves, a clean, earthy scent enveloping your once-shivering form.

“thanks, uh..”

“ellie. williams. ellie williams.” she stutters out, which is pretty cute.

“ellie. thank you.” 

that only gets you a grumble of acknowledgement before she’s back to her guitar. strands of her hair are slowly slipping out of her half-updo, and it only makes her that much more alluring. you’re well aware of the fact that you’re staring again, but she doesn’t seem to mind all that much as she starts up another tune. this one sounds far too smooth, too practiced to be something she even needs to go over, and belatedly you wonder if she’s trying to impress you. 

you two sit together quietly for god knows how long, accustoming yourselves to the other’s presence with ellie’s music writing over any awkward silence, and you drown in the admission that you could sit like this forever. the party inside is dying down, with a good chunk of attendees deciding to turn in early while the rest are either still on adrenaline highs or settling down for a couple of drinking games. 

“where’d you learn how to play?” 

you find yourself speaking before you can even think about it, and she doesn’t give you room to regret the interruption with the soft, loving little smile that breaks out on her face when she considers your question.

“old guy. his name’s joel.” 

you can’t help but smile at that; whatever harsh exterior she’s going for really isn’t working for her right now. almost every time she’s spoken to you, it’s either been with a smile, a laugh, or some poorly-concealed interest. joel, you think, taking that name and storing it for later, if there ever is a later with this girl. ellie.

“his guitar, then.” you hum, because it can’t be that much of a secret if a signature that deeply resembles his name is etched into a spot just above the pickguard. “you mind teaching me someday?”, you add, because there won’t ever be a moment where you don’t want to be talking to ellie; what you aren’t expecting is for her to look up at you with the same fond look that she’d looked at her guitar with just moments before, and nod. christ, you think, she’s so..

“we can start today, if you wanna.” she offers, and you try your very best not to seem too eager when you say yeah, for sure, but realize you’ve failed and that the pretty stranger–pretty girl sitting across from you doesn’t really care. she’s taking her guitar off her lap and making her way over to you before you can even second-guess yourself, crouching in front of you and raising an inquisitive eyebrow on her undeniably attractive, stupid fucking face.

you kind of want to kiss her.

you’re already imagining a future where you and ellie are, at the very least, friends—if not more, but you don’t want to get your hopes up—and are out like this every day, hanging out, being comfortable in each other’s presence because there’s no way this feeling of security is normal with someone you’ve just met unless you’re soulmates of some kind.

ellie makes a gesture, lifts her arms as a means of telling you to lift your own, and you swear its the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen. you lift yours and her hand snakes its way forward, pressing against your right shoulder so you’ll lean back a little. she’s strong, you can tell that much—as if the muscle lining every inch of her visible skin wasn’t enough—, and her touch is searing hot, leaving fire in its wake. 

she sets the guitar in your lap, spreads your legs gently by the knees, and waits expectantly with her hands out for you to offer up your own. you find yourself staring as she takes your hands, lithe, strong fingers beneath your own, lips parted slightly in both concentration and excitement as she positions your left hand under the neck, fingers splayed just slightly against the frets. she realizes you already have your other arm around the body, but reaches over to ghost her fingertips against the skin of your elbow anyways. 

she smiles. “try it. use your thumb. don’t break my guitar.”

the look you give her prompts another huff of laughter, but she seems to have enough faith in you to believe you won’t. it doesn’t seem like she plans on moving, though, since she’s still crouched in front of you and when you mutter a retributive “it’s joel’s,”, the pretty girl in front of you leans forward and rests her open palms on your knees, effectively cutting off any sly remarks.

you’re probably never going to forget the way her eyes light up when you strum it the first time, and use your very limited guitar-playing knowledge to press against a couple of the frets in succession and play what sounds like a semi-well-practiced harmony.

“holy shit,” she breathes, and you find yourself feeling bashful regardless of the fact you were only, like, thirty percent sure you could pull that off again. however, you manage to contain any sighs of relief and only exhale a chuckle in response. 

her eyes are still on you, you know, and you start absentmindedly fidgeting with the neck and its frets; her attention is everything you could’ve ever wanted, but her gaze is weighed and it’s making you feel a little self-conscious. you’re not starved for it by any means but it has been a while since someone has stared at you like this, awestruck out of their mind. it’s funny because for some reason ellie’s making this seem like such a huge deal when she’d spent the past, what—you’ve lost track of time—thirty minutes? an hour? playing a bunch of fucking songs on this old guy’s guitar, and—

“i had no idea you could play guitar..” 

her voice tears you out of your own head, and suddenly she’s closer to you than she has been all night. you lock eyes when she mutters your name, alarmed at the fact she knows it—you reason that she knows dina and you must’ve been mentioned in passing at least a couple of times—, and feel chills go down your spine, butterflies erupting in your stomach. i definitely want to kiss her.

“i can’t,” you huff, desperate to ease out the tension, “you outplay me by—”

“can i kiss you?”

her cut-off is abrupt and unexpected, and you swear your heart has never stopped like this. it’s such an innocent question, a plea of consent laced with insecurity, something the girl you’d seen in the main hall earlier into the night hadn’t even seemed like she possessed, but it’s so inherently ellie you don’t know what to do with yourself. so you nod. a quick tilt to your chin, up and down; you can’t trust your voice to work well enough for a yes.

but ellie needs to hear it. 

“say yes. i gotta hear you say it.”

you stare at her, and she stares back. the need to actually kiss her is growing unbearable now that you know she wants it too, but the mortification of knowing this pretty girl could hear the desperation in your voice—you haven’t even tuned into the fact that she sounds just as desperate as you—, the hitch of your breathing if you were to say yes, makes it hard to voice what you want.

so you don’t. she’s close enough, hands having slid upwards, her sweaty palms against your thighs in a subconsciously innocent gesture; any stray hair’s been tucked messily behind her ear, her lips are a little chapped and you see her throat constrict in a swallow when you reach forward with your right hand and thread your fingertips through the hair at the base of her neck.

and when you lean forward—as much as you can, with the guitar situated between the two of you—, ellie meets you halfway, semi-pulled in by your touch and mostly leaned in of her own accord. 

it’s a kiss. just that, a gentle press of the lips, but the glorification fiction has given it hasn’t been for nothing. maybe it’s just because it wasn’t with the right person, but you’re far from unfamiliar with it and it’s never felt like this. ellie kisses like she never wants to stop and you’re not complaining. you feel her grip tighten around your thighs, and you’re already running out of air even though you’ve only been doing this for a couple seconds. when you part, it’s with an unspoken promise of more.

“i’ve seen you around,” ellie starts, whispering against your lips. it sounds like a confession, something she needs to get off her chest, so you urge her to continue with your silence and the gentle circling of your thumb against her scalp. “with dina. or jesse. on campus. during those stupid presentations. or the social events. and i’ve always wanted to talk to you, you know? especially that one time, when you,” she inhales, smoothing her hands out against your legs. “when you corrected jesse on a fucking dinosaur name at the group’s museum outing.”

you stare at her, shuffling through images of every event you’ve ever gone to for dina’s sake when it hits you. a couple months back, before finals, probably when dina and jesse had gotten back together after a huge blowup, she’d found some stupid exhibit at a museum close to campus and presented it to you. she’d asked if you thought it was a good deal, especially because her friend, ellie, liked dinosaurs, and fuck, what is wrong with you?

“shit, you remember that?”

her silence is enough of an answer, gaze flitting between your eyes and lips nervously. 

“oh my god,” you exhale, keeping her still with the hand you have around her neck as you press your foreheads together. to think, if you’d been a little less ignorant at the time, you could’ve already known ellie. the two of you could have been friends, possibly more—which now, doesn’t seem all that ridiculous—, had you tuned in a little more to what dina was saying, had paid more attention to the rest of dina’s group when you’d gone out with her, had asked simply, back then, who’s ellie?

“is that weird? tell me that’s not weird. i kinda feel like a creep now, fuck. i swear i wasn’t, like, stalking you or anything,” ellie starts rambling, something you doubt you’ll ever get tired of. 

“you said you’ve seen me around a couple times. are you a creep?”, you tease.

“no! i mean, no. i just kinda, i only heard about you and saw you that time, and, shit–” 

you smile at her, let her go on as you lean further over the guitar, left hand reaching out to tuck a couple strands of her unruly hair behind her right ear, effectively cutting her off without saying a word. this awestruck look on her face is something you really, really want to get used to, and the feeling of her breath ghosting over your lips is far more welcome than anything else will ever be. 

“god, i wanna kiss you again.”

“do it.” you hum, and then ellie’s lips are on yours again and you swear this pretty stranger with the auburn hair is going to be the death of you.

[thequeenofsarcaasm]

A list of male characters with incredible pussy cause I’m bored

L:

Everyone makes fun of the way he sits but he’s actually doing kegels.

The guy from Apothecary diaries:

I came across the 4 first episodes on TV yesterday and I was too busy fangirling over Mao Mao to pay attention to him but I can tell. I forgot his name but not his potential. But I might be biased cause he’s really pretty.

Geto:

Convinced a Black man to join him in the annihilation of people he deemed lesser than . Had a huge cult following despite being a “monk” with long hair. Imagine what fucking him would do to a mf. Gojo knew better. (Tbh I don’t think he ever let anyone hit)

Gojo:

he’s the strongest. that gorilla grip is the only monkey related thing Geto wouldn’t hate

Griffith:

I’m gonna get cancelled for this but I stand by my statement.

Lelouch:

He’s a bit evil. Just a little bit. Those are the best. Don’t ask me how I know. Ask Suzaku

Sasuke:

Naruto chased him for years and kept him away from his family once they rekindled their relationship. He knew what he was doing

Nakahara Chuuya:

If I speak, I’ll get too emotional.

Last but NOT least we got Father Pussy:

Look at the material. You can be the judge of it. This mf is the only person Dio was afraid to lose. Need I say more? Vanilla ice could never. I think he might be the most dangerous one. That’s why I put him last

[igncrxntripley]

their secret weapon pt. 7

synopsis: y/n goes to the extreme to prove her loyalty to the judgement day. 

tags: SFW, minor violence/description of matches, poly!judgement day, fem!reader, arguments, fighting, bruising

mentions: @babybatlover​ @ripleyswhore​ @odessa-is-my-queen​

a/n: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH

“We told her it wasn’t going to be easy. We need to work with her, Finn. Not make things worse.” Finn bit his lip as he looked at the other three in the room. “Or we continue to test her loyalty.” He wasn’t going to let this go; he was going to continue testing Y/N until she proved she was truly committed to The Judgement Day. “And if she can’t be loyal to us? Then it’s time to move on.”

“Prove herself? Her loyalty?” Damian asked in frustration as he stepped closer to Finn. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. “You don’t think she’s done everything she can up to this point? You don’t think she’s given up a lot to be here with us?” He didn’t mean to raise his voice, but he couldn’t help but get upset with Finn when he acted like this. Rhea put her hand on Damian’s back to calm him down while chiming in her own thoughts. “He’s got a point, babe. We can’t expect her to just flip that switch when she’s betrayed someone she loved.”

Finn shook his head a little and looked at his partners. “You think I want to do this? I love and care about her just as much as every one of you do.” He said. “But we can’t let her flip flop on us. She needs to pick a side and stick to it.” Damian clenched his fists, Rhea taking a step closer to Finn. “If what she’s done so far isn’t good enough, and you continue to push her…then it’ll be your fault when she ends up getting hurt.” She said, her voice dangerously low as she stood toe to toe with her partner. 

Damian nodded and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I’m not giving up on her, Finn. Not now, not ever. And it’s sad that you don’t have any faith in her loyalty.” Dominik got up and stood between his partners so they didn’t get any more frustrated with one another. The younger member’s hand gently rubbed Damian’s back as he looked between him and Finn, Rhea continuing to stare down the Irishman in front of her. “I hope you know what you’re doing right now.” She warned. “Because it’ll be your mess to clean up.”

What they didn’t know was Y/N had woken up when Damian began to raise his voice at Finn. She pretended to still be asleep, but was listening to every word of their conversation not far from the bedroom. She heard that Finn had little no faith in her loyalty at this point in time; she heard everyone else sticking up for her when he openly said they would need to move on if she couldn’t prove herself. Y/N took note of every feeling in her body - the sadness, the anger, the frustration - and knew she was going to need to channel it over the next few days.

— —

Y/N spent the next three days before the next taping of Monday Night RAW training like a beast. She was in and out of the gym with every one of her partners, she was trying new moves in the ring, and she was plotting her next move as to how she could prove her loyalty to the group. 

Tonight was the perfect opportunity, as Damian and Finn had a match against Dexter Lumis and Johnny Gargano. Not just any match though, as it was a No Disqualifications match and anything was legal. It made sense for their feud that had been building up slowly over a couple of weeks, and it was a match that Y/N knew she could easily get herself involved in to not only prove her loyalty, but show the audience why she was their secret weapon. 

Y/N took her time backstage getting ready and getting into the right headspace to go out with her partners. Everyone tried making conversation with her, but she would only engage in small talk before going back to taking care of herself. But once it was time to go to the ring, Y/N was ready. And she stood shoulder to shoulder with her partners as they walked backstage to gorilla. Dominik stayed back since he had his own promo to be ready for later, but he was watching from the locker room the entire time. 

Standing between Damian and Rhea, the taller of the two keeping his arm around her shoulder the entire time, Y/N easily slipped into her character as she placed her cherry lollipop in her mouth. Not only was she bubbly and energetic, but she had an undeniable hint of crazy to her; she was the sore thumb in bright colors that stuck out in the group of black leather and chains, but they loved her that way. She felt confident walking out to the ring with The Judgement Day and felt even better when they all made it clear she was one of them. It may have been somewhat of an act with Finn, but he was damn good at it. 

The match was pretty average; both teams were pretty much even as they both switched controls and kept trying to pin one another, but towards the end Damian and Finn were most definitely getting tired. Rhea and Y/N had even dealt with the unsettling stares from Dexter throughout the match while the boys took their beatings. Taking numerous hits through chairs and tables didn’t help them either. The boys were taking more hits, Damian was most definitely getting frustrated whenever Dexter or Johnny kicked out, and Finn was getting desperate. Rhea had gone to check on Damian after he took a pretty rough hit to the outside of the ring, and Y/N knew she needed to take advantage of the moment. 

With Johnny and Finn still in the ring and everyone else occupied, Y/N used that as her opportunity to be helpful. In her head, she was going to distract Dexter and Johnny so her boys could take advantage of them and get the win before they could react. If that didn’t work, she wasn’t above distracting a ref or getting physical with an opponent herself. But she was going to see what she could get away with and prove why she was what The Judgement Day needed by their side. 

She pulled out a new table from under the ring and set it up for the boys to use their advantage, but Y/N wasn’t done there. She watched closely as Johnny used the ropes to support himself, and she hopped up on the apron behind him to try and hold him in place for Finn. Her arms wrapped around his torso to keep him to the ropes for Finn, and as her partner approached them to have his way with Johnny he managed to scramble away. With how fast Finn was going he almost ran right into Y/N; they both looked at each other in shock and he put his hands up in defense. “All good, we’re good.” He told her softly. 

Little did Finn know, it was going to be anything but good in a matter of seconds. 

Finn turned away from Y/N and came face to face with Johnny, who was preparing a superkick to take out his opponent and end the match. He had half a mind to duck thanks to his quick reflexes, but Finn didn’t even think about who was behind him. 

Unlike her partner, she didn’t have time to avoid the kick. Y/N became the victim of Johnny’s superkick, and the impact to her jaw made her lose her balance and fall off the edge of the ring. As she fell, she was met with the unmistakable impact of a table that shattered upon her body hitting it. All Y/N felt was pain as she listened to the cheers of fans in the arena, and her body quickly faded in and out of unconsciousness. 

The looks on the faces of everyone in The Judgement Day were of pure horror and fury when they saw what happened. Finn was in disbelief at what he had done, but he took advantage of the shock on Johnny’s face as well and was able to deliver a finisher to end the match. But he knew that ending this match was only the beginning of fixing the mess he’d created. 

Rhea didn’t even bother to go to Finn after the match ended, and neither did Damian. They were both so livid on what he’d allowed to happen to Y/N that the last thing they wanted to do was celebrate. Finn stood in the ring and looked at Y/N in horror as his partners went to her side. 

“Y/N? Baby, hey! Look at me!” Damian said as his big hands cupped Y/N’s face. Her jaw was already starting to bruise from the kick she’d received. Her eyes opened and closed as she groaned in pain, barely able to focus on the faces of her partners above her. “I know, we’re gonna fix it. I promise!” Rhea comforted her, slowly helping her babygirl sit up before turning to look at Finn. 

If looks could kill. Finn Balor would have been dead on the spot. 

— —

The tension around the group was thick once they got backstage; no one wanted to deal with Finn, but at the same time each of them wanted to give him a piece of their mind. Dominik, Damian, and Rhea each glared daggers at him in the locker room while they waited for Y/N to come back from medical. Finn could feel the stares. “I need you all to stop starin’ at me like fuckin’ vultures.” He said. 

“We’re staring because we’re waiting for you to say something!” Rhea said out of frustration. “Do you realize what even happened out there? You did this, Finn!” She said, anger laced through her voice. Damian stood up this time and slowly went toe to toe with his partner. “I hope she’s proven herself to you.” He said. “Because if that didn’t do the job then I don’t know what the fuck else you want from her.”

Finn turned his head away from Damian. He couldn’t look at his partners because he knew they were right. But he couldn’t admit that yet. “You act like I don’t feel like garbage.” He mumbled. All three of them scoffed, this time Dominik being the one to speak up. “You sure aren’t acting like you feel bad.” He said. “You haven’t apologized once to her. You haven’t talked about it once since you guys got back here!”

Damian crossed his arms and paced the room, continuing to stare holes into Finn. “You have to fix this.” He said, pointing at his partner. “You got her into this mess because she needed to ‘prove herself’ to you, so you can make it better.”

Before Finn could answer, Y/N opened the door with an ice pack to her jaw. Beneath the ice was a harsh bruise that was already turning black and blue, and she had a nice bruise on her back from the impact of the table. She looked at each of her partners, Finn’s look a lot shorter than the others, and they each looked at her with pity for what happened. Damian was the first to move closer to Y/N, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the top of her head. 

Y/n clearly wasn’t in the mood to talk or deal with anything else for the night. She stayed in his arms and closed her eyes before letting out a soft sigh. “I’m gonna head out.” She mumbled into Damian’s broad chest. He nodded and pulled away to grab her bags. “I’ll go with you.” He said softly. 

“Count me in.” Rhea said and grabbed her own things. Dominik didn’t even need to say a word; his silent glare at Finn as he stood up and walked out with everyone else was enough of a sign that he had no desire to be in the room any longer. The Punisher and The Eradicator walked out of the room with Y/N, and Rhea looked at Finn once more before she left. 

“Fix this.” She mouthed, before walking away and closing the door on The Irishman.

[alienroboticwritings]

Optimus Primal Headcanons SFW & NSFW

A/n: I love him so much, I know the movie just recently came to theaters but we need more fics of him. Honestly this could be read as fem or gender neutral? I’m not sure which to put so I went with fem.

Warnings: NSFW under cut, minors DNI, typos, SPOILERS, please remember these are my own personal opinions ty,

Paring: Optimus Primal x fem! human! Reader

-SFW-

Primal is the biggest sweetheart. When he first met you alongside Noah and Elena and realizing you weren’t a threat. He actually felt bad for scaring you, which he does apologize for later. Asking for another chance to show you who he really is.

Making sure you are comfortable in the village, that you have food and warm blankets for the night. Obviously playing favorite towards you but he thinks you and the others can’t tell. Airazor calls him out

He stays near you as often as he can, when you sleep on the village he is resting only a few feet away from you. Primal can be very protective but he respects boundaries and doesn’t smother you.

Primal worries about you a lot, especially if you are alone. If you are with Cheetor, Rhinox or village members be worries less, but after everything he has loss.. can you blame him?

If you have any questions about him or the maximals, he has no problem educating you. He is glad you have an interest in him, because he has an interest in you. While he has been around humans for some time, there are things he hasn’t asked or doesn’t know about.

When he had to take Airazor’s life he was shattered, you were right beside him. Rubbing his arm with your small hand, trying to comfort him.. his green optics looking at you sadly but lovingly.

It may not show but having you there really helped him, he will frothed be grateful for your comfort.

While Primal isn’t scared of his own feelings, he is scared of your reaction to them. He is fully aware of the drastic differences between you two and is worried that you will not want to be with because of that.. which he also would understand but he would still be sad if you rejected him.

He would confess his feelings before the battle, just in case you or him won’t make it out alive. Especially since you and the other humans are sneaking right under Scourge’s feet.

“We have only known each other for a small amount of time but I have grown to care for you deeply… I love you very much Y/N.”

You don’t have to say much yet if you don’t want to, just promise him you’ll be okay. That’s all he wants.

During the battle all he thinks about is you, fighting for you, to stay alive for you. And once the battle is over, the key destroyed and you can finally be together again. He asks you to stay with him in Peru, promising to teach you how to speak to the locals at the village and promising to care for you.

When you agree to stay with him he is absolutely thrilled and relieved, gently holding you in his hands as he whispers thank yous and promises.

Get ready to be like Tarzan and Jane, because he will take you with him when he swings from the trees just gotta hold onto him. He would hate for you to fall, he still doesn’t go as fast or more dangerous places with you.

Primal teaches you how to speak the language of the village, so you can talk to them without the help of him or the other maximals. The village members adore you, gladly accepting you into their community.

-NSFW-

Of course Primal wants to be intimate with you, he is just worried that he will hurt you. He knows humans are soft and fragile and he is very much the opposite. So when you do anything he is very VERY gentle with you.

If you are uncomfortable with him being a gorilla he will maximize for you, he has no problem with changing or staying. Just wants you relaxed and comfortable with him.

There is no way your taking his spike, he is a big boy. You’ll have to resort to licking, kissing and using your whole body to please him, which gets him off just fine… seeing how small you are compared to his spike, turns him on so much.

Honestly your body is enough to make him overload, you are so stunning and he loves every inch of your body.

Face sitting? Face sitting. He LOVES your legs on either side of his face, his glossa between your legs. One hand behind your back to support you, while the other loosely holds onto one of your legs. Looking up to meet your eyes as you ride out your orgasm on his tongue drives him insane.

Primal is willing to try most kinks, unless it involves hurting you. He can’t bring himself to do it, you mean the world to him. He also won’t do threesomes or anything involving somebody else, he doesn’t want to share you at all.

The more often you two have sex, the more he becomes confident. His dominant side peaking through, commanding you to do certain things and even talking dirty.

His voice is so sexy, when he dirty talks makes it even better. He always speaks in a low, gruff voice.

When he moans it’s deep and rumbling, you can feel it throughout his and your body… He roared once during sex, it was the first time you drove him to overload and he was embarrassed how loud he got.

Has a love hate relationship with being teased, if you tease him he will tease back and is much more unfair.

Also firmly believes in safe words, something simple like the stop light system. Yellow, when things are getting a little to far and red when he needs to stop completely. As soon as you say red, hands off. Making sure you are okay.

The king of aftercare, takes you down to a nearby stream to clean you off. His large metal hands holding you get to to his chest, talking about how much he loves you. Once you both are clean, he finds a private spot for you to lay down and cuddle together.. holding you close to his face, as he inhaled your scent.

[haechvn]

When I Had The Chance

Pairing: Shuri x F!Reader

Warning: Angst. M!rder. Dark!Shuri. Glory. I think. A little Smut. Shuri is sick of this shit.

Summary/Request: can you write the reader getting hurt by Namor and Shuri being mad?

Word Count: 1.05k

Author’s Note:Takes place weeks after Wakanda Forever so beware of spoilers. Anon, I hope you don’t mind but I made this a bit darker than I originally was gonna write. Ahhh. Our baby is a little bit evil. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Taglist :  @melodykisses, @blackhottie25, @tonakings, @coalmistyy, @szalipcombo, @prettyluhlaiiii, @yelenabelovasgf, @callmeoncette, @clqrosmgc, @beautybyfire, @homelessmicechild

Her panther claws were covered in blood that clearly wasn’t her own. Shuri launched the dismembered head down on the floor of the throne room, blood from the body part making a nauseating trail as it rolled and rolled until King M‘Baku’s foot ceased its movement . You could hear a pin drop. The room filled with council members and the Doja Moilaje was eerily quiet and still. Never in a million years would anybody have guessed that Princess Shuri would ever commit actual murder, let alone walk around with the proof.

Tattered and bloody wings were found where the sockets for eyes are meant to be, scratch marks littered the entire face of the creature and if you were to just quickly glance, you wouldn’t be able to recognize that the head belonged to none other than Namor, the King of Talokan.

“How many more people,” Shuri taunts, stalking slowly toward the King, glaring at him with eyes filled with nothing but rage and fury, “do I need to lose before this Bast forsaken council chooses to do something to stop this madness? Why do I have to lose and you all don’t?!”

Earlier that day, you had been helping the River tribe watch the waters when Namor attacked. After a far too many conversations with Namora, he concluded that yielding to Shuri made him powerless and weak, striking Wakanda when no one expected it. Having previously met you alongside the Princess, he stabbed you in the same place he did her, knowing the injury would be much more fatal for you and that it would draw the Princess out. He was correct but that mistake is what cost him his life.

The Princess of Wakanda is unrecognizable, eyebrows pointed downwards, jaws clenched beyond measure and her cornrows messy, looking as though one was ripped from her scalp. Chest heaving up and down, Shuri could not control her rage or her running mind, everything moving around her at one hundred miles per second.

“What is the reason for this nonsense,” the Merchant Tribe council member cried out, slamming her staff into the ground demanding an answer. “Do you know the danger you have now put Wakanda in? Eternal war with Talokan just because he hurt your girlfr–.”

Her grating voice stopped as she started grasping at her throat, dropping to her knees in front of the Princess, convulsing in anguish and trying to cry out for help. Her blood seeping through her hands as Shuri watched her choke on the vibranium ring she had thrown at the younger woman. The struggling halted as she fell onto hard ground. Good riddance.

Stepping over her body, Shuri continued her speech. “I don’t believe you all wish to end up like her do you? But after all, you would rather sit on your high horses and watch me die trying to save this country before you step in to help me! Now you will all pay the price for your sins.”

She began hitting herself mercilessly with her black panther suit still intact, mimicking the movementsn and shouts of a mad gorilla. Okoye cried out for the Princess to stop, confused by her overly aggressive gestures but Shuri had already blocked out all the voices around her a long time ago. They went to her mother’s funeral and placed a hand on her shoulder for comfort but that is all that she was given. When she needed them most, she was shunned as the “child” they still deemed her to be. She has seen too much to be considered a child.

It’s a true metaphor really. She had been beating herself up for the longest time for allowing her mothers’ killer to walk away breathing. The same way her coward of a brother did, she thought. She wanted to be different. She wanted to make things right but she couldn’t do that with the council not letting her make her own decisions. Well they are going to hear her now.

Building up enough kinetic energy, Shuri made her way to the middle of the throne room and body slammed the clay red ground, causing an explosion to occur, knocking everyone and everything in the room out of their seats and off their feet. Glass from the decorated cleaning began crashing to the floor as the wall of the palace shook, knocking down the Dora that stood up above from their posts. Screams of terror and pain was all she could hear and that, that brought a smile to her face. She could get used to this type of power.

Standing up and regaining her posture, she begins to yell at the top of her lungs with all of her might.

“From this moment on, I recant my decision to place Lord M’Baku as ruler of Wakanda and I,” whipping around to make sure all of the injured could hear her cries, curls covering her eyes only showcasing her sinister smile, “daughter of T’Chaka and Ramonda, am now the sovereign ruler of this land. Queen of Wakanda! Ready your troops. We invade Talokan at dawn!”

“You like how this feels, my princess?,” slurping you up like a madman, Shuri drove her tongue so deep inside of you, you swore you could feel her touching your heart. “Namor really thought he was going to take this sweet creamy pussy away from me? Hmm. Not on my watch,” she purrs stroking your clit with her index and ring fingers at super speed. She just wanted to bury herself in you and flee from all the problems of the outside world so she brought out an updated version of her vibranium strap, your favorite, and fucked your brains out until you couldn’t take anymore.

After she reached her climax, her anger started to wear off. Who has she become? Feeling the tug of your lips on her neck, she easily snapped out of her intrusive thoughts. She is the Queen of the most powerful nation on this planet and she has given everything but she will be damned if she has to lose you too. Nothing and no one will get in her way and if that means eternal war with the sea, then so be it. If she was able to kill the Takolan God with her bare hands, then his disciples were next.

[vidavalor]

Banana. Fruit. Plant. Food. Sustains life for animals and humans alike. "And what are they putting in bananas these days?!" First of Aziraphale's magic words. Symbolic of plant life on Earth.

Fish. The ocean. Oysters. Sushi. "Why do you eat *that*?"/"It's what humans do." "Bouilla...bouilla...bouilla... baby... fish stew. Anyway!" Symbolic of marine life on Earth. Love. Sex. He probably wins prizes for his tropical fish.

Gorilla. Also: Go-RILL-a, if you're Mr. Harmony. Animals. Ancient ancestors of humanity. Big fans of bananas; do not typically eat fish. (Rill. A small stream. Carries fish. Represents water, necessary to all life on Earth.) Gorillas represent the animal kingdom, the connection between animals and humans, and the interdependency of Earth's ecosystem. Earth is a balance of banana (plant life), fish (marine life), gorilla (animal life) and...

Shoelace. Humanity. First word in the sequence of Aziraphale's magic words that isn't a type of living thing but is, instead, an invention of the living thing it represents. Humanity is defined in Aziraphale's magic words by its bipedalism and its innovation-- by its ability to create, develop and use tools to improve its existence... but then also by their ability to keep refining, to keep trying, to keep progressing. Humans walk on two legs and created tools and created shoes to support that endeavor and then the shoelace to make the shoes better. Have you found the missing antichrist's name, age and shoe size yet? Humans walk-- they go ever forward, even if they sometimes go backwards. They are defined by their creativity and imagination and the determination to keep progressing. They create art and so they get a word full of symbolism because of their ability to make art and seek meaning and ask questions. Aziraphale loves them so.

(with a) Dash of Nutmeg. Civilization and evolution. Nutmeg comes from the nutmeg tree, in a full circle back to plant life. Dash of nutmeg is then the world created by these creative shoelaces. An ever-growing and changing world, full of refinement of and appreciation for life on Earth. A dash of nutmeg is learning and experimentation. Figuring out the right amount. Just a dash of nutmeg can change the whole taste of a dish and bring it to the next level. No nutmeg in a dish that needs it-- or too much? Not the same. No almond syrup where it's needed-- or too much? Not the same, maybe even a bit dangerous. To know that is to learn it... and to learn it is to either experiment yourself and/or to learn from the experience of humans. Aziraphale's love of being a student of humanity through the ages. Reading their books, absorbing their music and theatre. Letting them teach him French and magic and about food and love. A dash of nutmeg is literally the spice of life. To eat the right dish with just a dash of nutmeg is to experience the joy of life on Earth-- to experience pleasure from consuming the fruits of the Earth. It's living. It's to eat life alive.

A hefty jigger. Doesn't exist. A jigger is precise, is quantifiable; a dash is a flick of the wrist and is less precise, more improvisational, just enough. You cannot have a hefty jigger. You can, though, always have a dash. See: nutmeg. See: almond syrup, as Nina pours into Aziraphale's coffee usual coffee order, as ordered by The Metatron. If you say 'dash' when you order in the shop but 'hefty jigger' when you deliver to your mark, you're wanting to look like a savvy, old man to the barista to get the order right... but you're intentionally attempting to look clueless to Aziraphale, to make him think he'll be needed to help you navigate humanity. It means you do know how to order coffee but you are pretending you do not to the person you are trying to manipulate. It means you're a liar.

A jigger is measured by shots. By the shot is one way you can order coffee. Coffee is freedom. Give me coffee or give me death. Give me liberty or give me death. Does anybody ever ask for death? Some wise-cracking asshole has to ask Nina for it at least once a week but she says no when The Metatron asks because no one ever *really* asks for death. Not seriously. Not as anything but a joke. They all ask for their beverage of choice. They all ask for freedom or comfort or pleasure or all of the above. Wanting to live is predictable to our villain but it's understandable to the rest of us. Living on this magical Earth can be a lot at times but it also is the most amazing thing imaginable.

No one knows that better than Crowley, who spans the gamut of coffee orders (among other beverages). Dessert coffee-- espresso, cream, maybe some alcohol-- in a small, Irish-coffee-style mug in 1.01 during a lazy afternoon lunch but also, on a stressful morning, this...

Mr. Six Shots of Espresso in a Big Cup. Crowley. But only sometimes. And not really. Not when we know him better than Nina does. Not when we've seen him twice order his symbolic liberty at a slower pace and cut it with some sweetness along the way. Not when The Bentley in S2 showed us that he drives fast, he pounds espresso, and it's all anxiety. Mr. Six Shots of Espresso in a Big Cup really wants to drive 52 miles an hour, per The Bentley, and slowly sip half a fluffy dessert coffee at lunch at The Ritz with Aziraphale. Crowley wants everyone to see him as Mr. Six Shots of Espresso in a Big Cup but he's not. He's...

Crowley. Bildad the Shuite.

Bildad. Means, quite literally, "old friend," as Sitis' mind translated upon his request. Aziraphale's oldest friend. Humanity's oldest friend. Also means "loved by the Lord." He's And the Voice of Frances McDormand's favorite, if only They'd put him out of his misery and share that. the Shuite. Means, as Michael points out, "from the land of Shua" but Michael doesn't really fully get it. It is not where you are from; it is not what kind of species you are. It is not what you "are", whatever that even is. Heaven, Hell, angels, demons, it's all... pointless, as Crowley tells Shax in 2.01. Bildad does not define Shuite as a place-related name; he does not define humanity as tied to beings of a specific region or to a species, even, really. Humanity is not the exclusive domain of people of any one race or ethnicity or religion or species. Being a Shuite isn't where you're from or if you are human only or if you have a human corporation but others call you an angel or a demon... Bildad defines Shuite as what you do or what you are learning how to do. He defines being a Shuite as how you're interacting with the world on Earth and how you are spending your days. Being a Shuite is something you *do* and freedom is the choice of what that is, which some unfortunately have more than others. What does Bildad *do* then, as *the* Shuite?

Bildad the Shuite. Professional midwife/cobbler. The demon who delivered humanity from The Garden of Eden, and who now lives among them, working hard as a professional shoemaker, helping them forward and letting them teach him just as much.

A shoelace. A human.

And like the rest of us, he's making this shit up as he goes. Nothing more human than that, really.

Banana, fish, gorilla, shoelace, with a dash of nutmeg. Aziraphale's magic words. His mantra. The only full prayer we've ever really heard him say. His history of Earth as he's observed and lived it with Bildad the Shuite for thousands of years. The words mostly work when he needs them to but sometimes they fail and that's okay. As a certain angel excited to be on Earth once said while pretending to be a human in the bookshop, the error they made just then proved they were human. It did, indeed, even if Muriel doesn't quite yet understand just how human they are.

Nazis. Fascist motherfuckers who seek to suppress free thought and oppress others through dehumanizing violence. Can be expert lip readers. Can be multilingual. Can understand language on a technical, surface level that makes their inability to understand context very darkly funny. I am played for a sucker. You are played for a sucker. He, she, it are played for suckers... Dangerous as all hell in their willful ignorance, their lack of critical thinking and their complete lack of empathy.

Zombies. Those who are asleep to their surroundings. Those who do not seek to understand context and dive for deeper meaning. Those who do not engage with art (and, if they're Nazis, those who seek to suppress it.) Those who are full of apathy. Those who do not question. Those who think like how others tell them to think. Those who are content with surface understanding, not deeper meaning.

Flesheaters. Zombies-- in the horror movie sense. Those with a bloodlust for brains. Those who murder with impunity to satisfy a violent, dark hunger. Those with dark impulses that harm others; the polar opposites of hungering for pleasure from food, art, sex, love, companionship. The thematic opposites of Crowley and Aziraphale.

Nazi Zombie Flesheaters. Fraulein Greta Kleinschmidt, Mr. Harmony and Mr. Glozier. Multilingual members of the Nazi Party, one of whom is an expert lip reader. They are zombies, as shown by how they lack the imagination, intellectual curiosity, critical thinking skills, and creativity to be able to decode the deeper meaning of the surface words they read and recite correctly but do not actually comprehend. They do not seek to understand how a creative magic trick is being performed before their eyes because they fail to even notice that one is, even when presented with an abundance of contextual clues. They're also, in their cases, flesheaters. They roam around London eating innocent, free-thinking brains-- quite literally suppressing thought. In The Blitz, Part 1, they were already Nazi Zombies. In The Blitz, Part 2, they become the Nazi Zombie Flesheaters.

Jiggery-pokery. Cutesy-sounding British phrase with a darker origin. Means 'trickery'. Means 'deceit'. Not in an innocent way, like the sleight of hand deception of a magic show... or the sleight-of-hand tricks played by writers and performers on a television show with recurring motifs around spies and magic and wordplay and hidden romance and a whole secret language imbedded in its dialogue. Origin of jiggery-pokery: British Army, mid-1800s. Used to refer to homosexual sex acts, then illegal, amongst soldiers in its ranks when targeting them. Evolved a bit in modern times to a lighter-sounding term meaning cute trickery but still equally refers in definition to gay sex, conducted in secret, and by those who are then threatened with exposure by other soldiers who feel homosexuality goes against the morals of the unit. Used onstage by The Marvelous Mr. Fell to describe his complicated relationship with human magic, which metaphorical for his own humanity, in contrast with his role as one of God's soldiers, a moment before his partner gets on stage to perform some of that humanity with him. It is not performative, though, because humanity is not exclusive to humans; humanity is to be a Shuite and love is love. In the audience: a soldier from Bildad's unit and the Nazi Zombie Flesheaters, working in tandem to out Crowley and Aziraphale for what is, to Furfur and the Nazis, supernatural and actual jiggery-pokery.

Three cowry shells and a lone caraway seed. A sleight of hand magic trick, used by writers to point out multiple layers of meaning and a request of the audience to engage with the story and find the seed beneath the layers. A sleight hand of magic trick, used by The Marvelous Mr. Fell thousands of years prior in his exploration of human magic. He fooled ancient Egyptian Queen Nefertiti with the trick. He masks the lone caraway seed successfully beneath a different cowry shell than the one the humans watching him think it is hidden beneath. He hides one meaning beneath another. He hides his self-deemed jiggery-pokery humanity beneath what Heaven suspects of him as an angel.

My Nefertiti-fooling fellow. What The Marvelous Mr. Fell's love, Bildad the Shuite, calls him to he remind him that his humanity is not jiggery-pokery. His magical man, who is also kind of terrible at the actual human magic part, but is so very good at the human magic part, and what could be more human than that?

Dummkopf. What Greta calls Harmony, after he successfully reads Aziraphale's magic words but she interprets them as nonsense words... despite them all seeing through the windows Aziraphale moving in such a way as to suggest he is performing a magic trick, suggesting a potential context for the words. None of these three have what the creative minds involved in Good Omens know their audience does have, which is the curiosity and love of story enough to look for context and meaning. 'Dummkopf': German for 'dumbass'.

[homunculus-argument]

I'm impressed by those insults that just look like completely random assortments of words on the initial first glance, but you have to pause and break apart the various elements of it, and consider their cultural context, like you would look at an abstract painting. I would call these pseudo- word salad insults, because despite of the seeming surface similarity, they're actually remarkably coherent. Let's take an example I encountered recently: "some goth-flavoured grippy sock gorilla glue bitch."

Now, for audience inconvenience, I'll break this down in the order of how clear each segment is, instead of linear older. "Bitch" goes somewhat without saying, here mainly indicating a female person that the person who composed the insult has little or no respect for.

Goth is a fairly commonly known subculture, distinct for their dramatic, dark and elaborate clothing style. But goth-flavoured here implies that the person in question is not a true goth, but simply wears some of the fashion elements. As the more edgy, risque and provocative accessory and clothing choices somewhat influenced by the subculture have gotten trendy in fast fashion, it's plausible to conclude that this refers to the woman wearing dog collar chokers and fishnet stockings, and not corsets and petticoats.

Getting progressively more abstract in insult form, "gorilla glue" is an american brand of super glue that's remarkably efficient, durable, and also in my own experience, sticks to fucking everything, whether you want it to or not. So in this context, it would imply a person who becomes emotionally attached extremely quickly, to essentially anyone they come in contact with.

Grippy socks are a somewhat common term for the type of socks with slip-proof rubber sole on the bottom, used for safety in some hospital settings, but in mentally ill meme culture have been associated mainly with psychiatric wards. Therefore, in this context, implying that the person in question has at least at one point in their life been committed to a psych ward.

So put back together from the separate elements, this initially seemingly random collection of words comes back together as "woman (whom I have no respect for) who dresses provocatively and has such an intense and unstable attachment style that it poses a danger either to herself or others, to the point of it being aknowledged as a sign of serious mental illness." Which makes it a distinct, descriptive and brutal insult, and probably offensive to people with borderline personality disorder.

[in1-nutshell]

Being Prowl’s Human Buddy and accidentally getting sent to the Shadow Zone

SFW, platonic, Human reader

IDW/G1

It is a true miracle to even be considered as Prowl’s Buddy.

True miracle.

Prowl is protective of his Buddy.

“Hey, I’m going out to the movies with some friends.”--Buddy

“Which friends are we talking about?”--Prowl

“The ones I met in club two months ago? They invited me over with some mutual friends.”--Buddy

“Oh… those friends.”--Prowl

“Yeah, those friends?”--Buddy

“Just take this before you go.”--Prowl

“…Prowl this is a taser and a walkie talkie.”--Buddy

“A taser that can bring down a gorilla and a direct line to my comms.”--Prowl

“…”--Buddy

He knows that they can handle themselves in situations but will put himself in it at the first sign of danger. He does care about Buddy even if he doesn’t out right say it. He hates it when Buddy gets involved in dangerous situations because of him.

“Buddy what you did was irresponsible and out right crazy! How could you go out in the field and try to get Starscream’s attention. You used a rock for Primus sake!”--Prowl

“Hey! One, I hit him in the head, which was a good shot from where I was mind you. Two, I did it for a good reason! He was going to shoot you! You didn’t see him, I did! I bought you some time to react!”--Buddy

“… Just leave the heavy hitting to me... Dismissed.”—Prowl

“Yeah, yeah I’m going.”--Buddy

“Buddy.”--Prowl

“Yeah Prowl?”--Buddy

“…Thank you…”--Prowl

“No problem Prowl.”--Buddy

Now to the fun part.

The Autobots had recently gathered some sort of Decepticon tech and were trying to figure out what it was. The twins, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, were tasked to move the tech to Wheeljack’s new lab. Buddy was on the desk with their new noise canceling headphones working on some data pads. Prowl was making sure the way to the lab was clear for the twins to get in.

They was complaining, which was mainly Sunstreaker about needing a wax afterwards, when the tech started whirling to life.

“What did you do?!”--Prowl

“I didn’t do anything!”--Sideswipe

“Don’t look at me!”--Sunstreaker

“What’s going on! Oh Primus—HIT THE DECK!”—Wheeljack

Everyone ducked for cover, as a stray beam of light began springing around the walls. Everyone was covered… except Buddy who was bopping their head to the music they were listening to.

“Buddy! Get down!”—Prowl

The beam hit them on the top of their head.

Poof! No more Buddy.

Lucky for Buddy the beam didn’t hurt or cause any discomfort. They just noticed that it had gotten a bit chilly and dark. Seeing this as the perfect opportunity to catch up with some sleep, they pulled their jacket and decide to take a nap with the music on. Hopefully Prowl wouldn’t be too mad if they took a nap. It was a slow day anyways.

Prowl in the meantime was about to have a glitch and spark attack at the same time.

The only reason he hadn’t so far was because Buddy was the top priority right now. He immediately gets the twins to go and get Perceptor to help Wheeljack look at the tech.

It takes a bit, but the two scientists eventually figure out what had happened to Buddy.

“The device was created to take anyone to the Shadow zone. A brilliant piece of engineering if I do say so myself.”--Perceptor

“Percy, not now.”--Wheeljack

“… the shadow zone…”—Prowl

“Yes, the shadow zone…”--Perceptor

“…”--Prowl

“I think you two finally broke Prowl.”--Sideswipe

“Sideswipe.”--Prowl

“Nope he’s fine.”—Sunstreaker

They manage to rewire some bits and the beam comes out again.

Poof Buddy is back!

They are on their back sprawled out. Prowl thinks they might be dead and dashes over to look and moves them gently. His helm had millions of thoughts going faster than Blurr on circuit boosters.

“Buddy? Buddy! Buddy wake up! Wake up! Wake up please!”—Prowl

Buddy wakes up to sudden movement. They wake up to see a bunch of distressed looking Autobots and a scared looking Prowl. He just holds Buddy close for a bit before carrying them to the medbay to make sure everything is okay.

“Hey Prowl? Look I’m not in opposition to the hugs, but are you okay? I feel like I missed something important.”—Buddy

Buddy doesn’t really get to know what happened. They want to continue to nap with those sweet headphones. Prowl is considering no more headphones allowed near the lab.

[marmotish]

Need inspiration for art, you say?…

Tarzan!Freyja.

And the “Jane” she carries over her shoulder is either Chester, Roger, Duncan, or Barnaby.

Chester: bruh why is he even here he’s the equivalent of an accountant jk jk he would probably be the closest equivalent to Jane, but more susceptible to fainting spells from the heat. Freyja found him after one such spell and takes him to her treehouse or tree to recover. Would have the most Tarzan/Milo x Jane/Kida dynamic with Freyja, maybe.

Roger: read all of the adventure/swashbuckling books and somehow thought that was enough knowledge to go exploring himself. Prepared for the likely scenario of finding and rescuing a delicate native damsel in distress from a dangerous jaguar. Not so prepared for being on the run from an angry family/army of baboons, and even less so for being rescued by a capable, amazonian young woman. Freyja is confused and slightly annoyed by how this guy keeps getting into trouble (totally not staging scenarios in which he can rescue her only for something to go wrong and needing to be rescued instead, again)

Duncan: his parents were probably explorers that found and rescued Jacob and brought him home to be a playmate to Duncan, not realizing J was separated from his sister. Years later, Jacob and Duncan return to the Jungle in Africa because the former had a gut feeling his sister was still alive. What were the chances that his grumpy, grumbling best friend would be the one who would find —well, be found by— the long lost little sister? A…slightly-taller-and-slightly-buffer-than-he-was little sister? No Jacob, he is not blushing he is flushed from the heat thank you very much.

Barnaby: he came for the animals, obviously. Freyja stopped him from hugging an angry gorilla. He adopted her as a new friend.

so … orphans Jacob and Freyja got separated in the African jungle as children, where unbeknownst to Freyja, Jacob got taken back to the UK. Freyja remained in the jungle a little while alone until she was found by missionaries. They managed to keep her “tame and civilised” until age 14 or so when she escaped back to the jungle, and has been there at least a decade.

Having no desire to leave the jungle until she finds Jacob, she puts up a hostile front to any people who wander through her part of the jungle. People pass through occasionally, either

by accident (Chester)

((in which case she is more likely to give them safe passage in exchange for their promise to discourage others from coming through that part of the jungle. “There’s a demon living out there! I barely got away with my life!”))

from curiosity (Roger)

the curious ones are more dangerous in Freyja’s opinion. They’re more likely to try and “re-educate her” and “bring her back to civilisation” to “fulfil her natural role” as some have attempted to do in the past. It didn’t end well for them.

or a little bit of both (Barnaby)

some friendly people have come through Freyja’s part of the jungle in the past 10 years, and have gifted knowledge on self defence/trapping and items like books/material. Other items she acquired by simply looting. So by the time Jacob drags Duncan to the other side of the world to find his long-lost sister, she is more than capable of defending herself against strangers.

[pommedepersephone]

I feel like I'm the only one in the Good Omens fandom who doesn't get the subtext behind the "aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear" quote. Do you have thoughts to share on what it means to you?

Ooooh do I. This is probably one of my favorite lines in all of Good Omens. And that is saying something because I'm one of those with an old dog-eared copy of the book AND the S1 script book, both full of underlines (don't tell Aziraphale, he'd be horrified). So, here is my unhinged passionate explanation of what that line means to me, and how I think it actually applies to multiple moments through S2, specifically moments where there is some kind of performance/deception taking place. I will try to keep this only marginally long, so I will break down the three moments I think are MOST important, and then sum it all up at the end. Ready? Here we go!

What the line means in 1941

"Aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear" clearly applies to the mechanisms of the bullet catch in S2E4, so let's start there. What does the bullet catch tell us about their relationship? First, they are always being watched. By humans (the audience) but also by their respective sides (in this case Hell). Second, they have to pretend they don’t know each other but still have ways to communicate throughout their charade. Third, they HAVE to trust one another. Like, a LOT because - Fourth, their relationship puts them both in danger.

In this context, the line is really interesting because the idea of aiming for the mouth and shooting past the ear can also be interpreted as speaking and acting in ways that either pacify or confuse those watching, but that clearly communicate to one another. There is SOMETHING about the fact that in the presence of the Nazis Crowley speaks very plainly but in a way only Aziraphale would REALLY understand - “If the bomb does land here, it would take a real miracle for my friend and I to survive it” - yet when they are being watched unaware the line that the Nazis manage to get is “banana, fish, gorilla, shoelace with dash of nutmeg” because never, not even alone, do they speak in a completely straightforward manner. This does not mean they do not communicate, it means they communicate in their own language.

What the line means in Job

But wait! There is MORE! Because 1941 isn’t the first time we’ve seen these two perform for an audience! "Aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear" also applies in Job. There is one big difference - at the start of the story, Crawley is performing alone. He is saying all the right demonic things - "I want to. I long to destroy the blameless children of blameless Job, just as I destroyed his blameless goats." And at first, Aziraphale is in the audience, unaware of the sleight of hand taking place in front of him. But Crawley offers to read him in by showing him… the crows. And Aziraphale ends up stepping into the roll of magician’s assistant as Crawley works to save Job’s kids, human and otherwise.

What I find interesting is the way you can think about mouths and ears here - Crawley lets him hear the crows bleat (shoot past my ear) which lets Aziraphale understand who Crawley really is. Then Crawley offers him the ox rib (aim for my mouth) which in some ways makes Aziraphale begin to actually examine who HE is. Both are necessary if they are going to eventually become An Us, and it really starts here, with Job.

What the line means in the Final Fifteen

By the time we get to present-day S2 “Aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear” has taken on such a deep meaning for these two man-shaped beings. Their communication is so rich and layered, where they speak in metaphors and puns and have rituals like the I Was Wrong dance. I mean, just look at this silly little act of love -

I. Simply. Cannot. These two! They deeply enjoy one another. BUT this very complicated language they have developed together only works when they are ON THE SAME PAGE.

What happens in the Final Fifteen? They stop speaking the same language. For the sake of this analysis, we are assuming that Aziraphale is feeling threatened, and is aware that Metatron has ill intent, okay? Okay. In that context… just like 1941, they are AGAIN being watched (this time by Heaven), pretending they don’t know certain things about each other, need to trust each other and their relationship has put them in danger. But here is the kicker - they have slipped back into their roles from the start of Job, except reversed. They don’t have the same information and awareness. Fell the Marvelous is desperately putting on the performance of his life, and Crowley doesn’t even know they are on stage. There was no time for a backroom conversation to discuss the finer points of the trick. In the end, Crowley decides “fuck shooting past your ear, you aren’t hearing me."

And in the MOST devastating way possible, these two aimed for the mouth and shot right past each other's ears. Ouch. OUCH.

*Clears throat, dries eyes* in summary, this little line of poetry does a heavy lift for S2. It applies to scenes where a performance/sleight of hand is taking place, but it reads differently in each one. Importantly, "Aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear" only works out when they are properly partnering not pretendy partnering. If there is information withheld, or they aren't in agreement (this applies to Edinburgh toooooo) things just implode. They have to have TRUST for this to work.

Just in case I seem even remotely normal at this point, here is the little poem I wrote after watching S2 the first time, as the brainrot started to take real hold:

aim for my mouth and shoot past my ear

tell me the lines but show me your eyes

so i learn how hearts can hide truth in lies

here beside you

aim for my mouth and shoot past my ear

i promise to burn you if you hold the match

you walk through fire but i'll turn to ash

a shade grey for you

aim for my mouth and shoot past my ear

show me the words i can't seem to hear

give me something to hold as i go through my fear

and here return to you

[sweetcloverheart]

Things Adrien will never know since he’s not allowed to find out his father’s Hawkmoth

That Gabriel has purposely gone out of his way to upset Adrien’s friends via unfairly punishing him/limiting his freedom solely so he could have an Akuma to use (”Bubbler” and “Chat Blanc”)

That Gabriel once tricked him into believing he had upset his father so he could akumatize himself and keep him and Ladybug from realizing his real identity (”Collector”)

That after akumatizing Gorilla (“Gorizilla”), that he purposely put Adrien’s life in danger and had him thrown from on top a building just so he could find out if he was actually Chat Noir or not (and only changed his mind after Adrien had been thrown and it looked like he wasn’t about to transform to save himself)

Had noticed via his akuma butterflies when Adrien is upset/depressed but did nothing about it

Openly threatened his cousin (Like, feel how you want about Felix, Gabriel still threatened a child)

Has had Paris nearly flooded/burned down/deleted/eeby-deebied/brainwashed/zombie invaded several times while Adrien was outside the house with no idea if he had gotten/might get caught up in the attack (and not seeming to care)

That the few time he did arrange for Adrien to not be around when he was planning something (NY and Shanghai specials, “Risk”, etc.), it was specifically so he could hurt his friends, and usually done at Adrien’s own expense

That Gabriel almost caused WW3 by threatening the world with nukes (NY special)

That his father murdered someone(Or at least had their murder arranged via a gang hit) (Shanghai special)

That Nathalie’s health dove into the negatives specifically because she was helping him with his supervillainy (Yeah, she chose to become Mayura and everything, but this is still someone Adrien considers family here)

Everything about the Grimoire

Went out of his way to manipulate Chloe in “Heart Hunter” (Again, feel however you want, Gabe still purposely made it so Chloe would think Ladybug didn’t want her so he could get her on his side more easily)

Purposely put Lila and him together so she could “keep an eye on him” at his behest

Was the one who instigated Lila into enacting her plan in “Ladybug”, which ended up with Marinette expelled, and all because he considered her a “bad influence” on Adrien

Had twice Akumatized Adrien after he found out about him being Hawkmoth and his mother’s actual fate, just so he could get Ladybug’s miraculous (“Chat Blanc” and “Ephemeral”), which led to the world ending and everyone being dead in one of these scenarios

Has been magically manipulating him into obeying his will (If Senti!Adrien proves to be canon)

Made a deal with Felix to get all the Miraculous the latter stole ( “Strikeback”)

Deliberately chose to focus on stealing the Miraculous instead of taking the opportunity given to him to save his mother and Nathalie from their respective ailments (“Evolution”)

Purposely had him Cataclysm his arm, and near risking making his son a murderer/orphan (“Destruction”)

Kept the Kwamis he stole/kidnapped in cages and called them “slaves”

That the whole “Alliance Ring” nonsense was specifically to help mask his activities as Hawkmoth

And that he mainly just cares about his rivalry with Ladybug now.

[verysanebsdfan]

🥁🤯‼️❤️‍🩹🔥🥁💀🇫🇷💯💥🎶🆙😤

Hear me out

Starlight Glimmer!reader x Saiki K

A reader who is kinda like starlight glimmer with sunset shimmer's abilities (I'm in my mlp phase don't judge but I rlly like their characters and abilities) who is kinda bad at first because of something happening with their friends earlier in her childhood and becomes very rude and cold but slowly learns to open up to the idea of new ways to act and get along with people and be nicer

Like of course they're not perfect, they're going to have social anxiety because what if others find out how bad she was in her past, and some old habits will peak through but they're still trying to learn

Their way with dealing with problems can be a little...extreme, like breaking open a vending machine when it malfunctioned after they paid to get someone a drink or things along that line

(forgive the long request I just woke up)

They also usually act before they think often

Starlight Glimmer!reader x Saiki K

Hello, thank you so much for requesting<3 I am gonna be completely honest i have not watched mlp, so I relied on your description and the internet but i tried. I haven't found much about Sunset Shimmer's abilities tho, well I did but didn't find anything much specific. I mostly mentioned some fire powers cuz from what i found...well nothing good into the story. I read that apparently Sunset can conjure powerful fireballs, but i made it fire in general, and it is also referred to as either psychic or supernatural powers. I hope it is to your liking. Also I wasn't sure but I made it a female reader since ykyk... Word Count: 1.2k

It was a peaceful afternoon when a certain pink haired psychic got rid of the nuisances, uhm, friends and was on his way home. He was in a hurry since his mother asked him to go buy some ingredients for dinner, and there was still a show he wanted to watch today.

As he entered the store, he felt a sudden uneasiness. Something was gonna happen, he knew it. As he collected all the items his mother requested to buy, he walked in the direction of the aisle with coffee jelly. He saw a girl picking up a coffee jelly triple pack, but he quickly hid when he realized that the girl has his schools uniform. The last thing he wants is to have his classmate, whom he recognized after taking a closer look, start a conversation with him. Unbeknownst to him, the girl already knew. She carefully eyed the direction where he left to, quite glad that nobody is gonna ruin her peaceful day.

As she was nearing the next aisle, a certain someone put a hand on her shoulder. She tensed up and turned around to see who was disturbing her personal space. The girl got really startled when she saw a tall guy with a butt chin. She remembered him, some time ago, she was assigned to do a project with him. They were supposed to meet up in a library but he didn't show up, and had a reason, apparently he thought the library was other way and got locked in the school gym. Either way, she knew that he was a real dumb human, so she just patiently waited for him to say something. "Hey!" He shouted, jeez, calm down. "I know you! We did that project together!!" He exclaims loudly. "Yeah, no. You didn't show up, I did the project alone...but yes. Now if you'll excuse me, i have more important things to do than talking with gorillas." The girl announced and turned to leave "Wait!" Nendou shouts again "Do you wanna get ramen with me, pal, and chibi? Huh- where is my pal-" He suddenly realizes "No i won't get rame-" Nendo suddenly grabs the girls arm "Let's go find my Pal!" He insisted and pulled the two high school students behind him.

And that is how you got to where you are now. Seated between Kaidou and Saiki, across from Nendo, really strange individuals, really loud and obnoxious, except Saiki, that is. The Ramen shop didn't look anyhow exquisite...it actually looked quite, dangerous? The food will probably be poisoned or something. When the owner gave them their bowls, everyone looked disgusted (The one episode when Teruhashi tagged with them kinda disgusted) The girl stood up from her seat and looked at the humanoid creature, called 'ramen shop owner' and stared at him. "You call this food?! Impossible!" She yells while trying to hold herself from throwing the bowl on the ground. "You have a problem with that?!" The store owner spat out. "The heck i do! The noodles are expired, vegetable is actually not a vegetable, i have a piece of plastic in it, the broth smells like piss and sweat! If it's okay in your opinion, eat it! I'll gladly pay if you eat the whole bowl!" She yells at him, making the people outside, on the street, wonder what is happening there. "You won't, exactly! Now return our money. Hurry" She yelled the last line before the owner had to run to the kitchen because something was burning. Definitely not your doing.

Saiki knew. He knew that was not natural, the fire. It got extinguished, no one got hurt, but it was bugging him, and he wanted to know just who are you? He got his powers to help him out with getting you to hang out with his....whole friend group....or nuisances. And you slowly started opening up. One this one fateful Saturday night when the group was hanging out at a playground, it was already dark. Kind of a miracle that Kaidou's mom let him go so easily, we thank you so much Saiki on Kaidou's behalf.

"How about we play truth or dare?" Yumehara suggested. Everyone agreed, even you and Saiki, surprisingly, but nobody questioned it. Time passed and questions and dares flew around too. "L/N, truth or dare?" Kuboyasu asked the girl, who has been drawing into the dirt. "Truth" She mumbled tiredly "Have you ever broken a law? And if yes, how?" Who in their mind would ask that?

Yes....Kuboyasu..."Technically yes..." She sighs. "I broke open a vending machine because It broke after I paid, so I got what I paid for, myself." She said. "and also burned down a house" The girl whispered a sentence that only the lovely pink haired psychic heard. It startled him. Why did she do that? "Why would you open it up tho? You can't do that! That's destruction of property! A crime!" The perfect bluenette whisper-yelled. "Teruhashi-san...It isn't a crime as long as you're not caught....and also, why should you care why i did it...maybe because i won't waste my money, maybe because i was pissed? Probably. Not everyone is as perfect as you, not everyone is as nice as you, and I was not in a good mental state. Get over yourself..." Wait- the girl realized her mistake as she looked at the teary eyed bluenette. "I- uh- Teruhashi-san...I am sorry uh! uhm....I didn't mean it like that I just-I'll....I'll go buy you something just please don't cry"

Seriously...the vending machine broke. She turned around but bumped into a certain pink haired highschooler. "Why did you burn down a house?" The pink haired boy asked, very bluntly, realizing his mistake, not correcting it though. "My powe-" the girl realizes and quickly coughs. "My uhh...power in the house went down, and I, the little naive child, thought I could do everything, so I tried to fix it, cut wires and boom...." She says too optimistically. "Stop lying" The pink haired highschooler commanded. "Not here...But we cannot leave the group for too long either..." She thinks out loud. "They actually already went home." Saiki exclaims. "Guys are walking Teruhashi and then Yumehara...I'll walk you...while you talk...or we can talk at one of our places." He says while motioning for her to follow.

You two walk into your house, and you light up the lights. "Sit down, I'll get some coffee jelly, I noticed you staring at it...the day we met." 'Are you a goddess?' Saiki thinks. "So....I suppose you wanna know why? Hm...okay so basically I have powers, it went out of control....And i burned down my friends house....he almost died....that's why I don't really talk about it." You quickly summarized. "I really hate supernatural powers...or psychic powers...because I still feel guilty, I tried to stop it, but they don't even know it was me, not even my parents. You are the only one who knows." She says as she takes a spoon full of coffee jelly. "But I only told you because you have powers too

(○｀ 3′○)"

Anyway! I tried but I do not like how it turned out but

Stay safe y'all! BYE

[kylejsugarman]

jesse was already an animal held in captivity before his actual, literal enslavement. aquarium and zoo owners love to say that animals thrive in these artificial environments because they can be perfectly tuned to their needs and stripped of the dangers faced in the wild. u pluck these creatures from their scary, unpredictable environments and "protect" them by reprogramming them for captivity. walt plucked jesse from his environment under the same assumption that he was doing a noble deed and protecting jesse from the dangerous world of street-level drug-dealing. he was putting jesse in a better place, a "safer" place where he could adjust all the variables to his liking. but just as fish and gorillas die from new stresses and hazards presented by captivity and the uninformed handlers using their lives for revenue or entertainment, walt was just dropping jesse in a more "refined" but equally dangerous environment and grooming him to accept his captivity. to accept his new role. walt talked about protecting him, looking after him, but his ulterior motive was always using jesse for his own benefit. he's not performing?? take away his enrichment. he's starting to rebel?? cut off his contact with the other animals. the biggest pens and tanks have edges and boundaries. "i dont want a monkey. i want u." jesse was the perfect specimen—sometimes rowdy and violent but always willing to follow the zookeeper back into his enclosure for a promised treat. walt didn't want anyone else: he had cultivated the environment so perfectly that all he had to do was hit the clicker and jesse would perform. could a wild animal do that?