#and seeing the family or even his victims on the trial.... it was amazing for him

[malkaviian]

freddy and fred's dynamic in the prison au is "constantly pissed off" x "enjoys bothering them even more"

[2n2n]

LITTLE NIGHTMARES ENEMIES RANKING!!!

hmmmmm. Let's see.... I'll do fav to least fav, that will be easier.

GHOUL RANKING... I'm not proofreading this post much because I'm tired. It's off teh cuff!!!! I want to ramble!!!!!!

well we'll just consider Thin Man #0

you're doing great sweetie!!!!! you can see all of time & fate ahead of you & behind you & you choose to continue forward, single-minded as a child..... you will SAVE SIX! she will be PROTECTED inside the SIGNAL TOWER! she will be HAPPY... she will have toys she loves, she will have her music box.... we can't even be sure if he's wrong to do this, exactly....! We don't know enough... seems bad, but also, seems like he can't help it...! It's kind of sweet he won't stop trying. I just think he's the most kinda logical 'next step' in terms of narratively folding a villain & protagonist's story together. I really like when a monster isn't just a monster!!! It helps me understand this world, & what entities like the Signal Tower and Maw are seeking to exploit or feed off of, in humans. Now if this was a Design contest, this guy would be dead last, why is he just slenderman , also if this was a Name contest he would also be dead last, why is he just barely not named slenderman. But luckily for the Thin Man I value narrative and theme above all else so, he's peak.....

#1, shockingly,

the Hunter!!!

for the theme of LN2, he's really compelling. He's an amazing first trial without knowing anything, but he becomes more intriguing with post -reveal contemplations. A violently territorial, neurotic guy killing everything in his radius ... but also, delicately preserving & 'caretaking' for his 'family', as still taxidermy. He's an amazing parallel for Mono's emotions for Six.... keep you. Have you. Stay ... protect.... maintain.... Even aesthetically, I really like the spooky bag with hole in it, which also kind of evokes Mono! His proportions are cartoony, he's short & stout which is good for making him intrinsically contrast the Thin Man, despite being a 'large' (comparatively), imposing male enemy again. To me he doesn't feel like he has great control, he seems as much a victim of the Signal Tower as anyone, despite his distance. After all, his land is as filled with chasms & canyons as the City.... I like that he uses a sewing machine, & is kept very busy making leather. He's really so crafty. & I also really like that he makes birdhouses ... for seemingly no nefarious purpose. They are scattered all about, & based on his tools & situation, he must be making them by hand. I like when any of these ghouls maintain some semblance of their original life, as if all these loops have yet to entirely unwrite what they were before the Signal Tower. I think a birdhouse is just a nice gentle symbol of something that seeks to provide a home, shelter. I like that there are birdhouses in the room Six is being held in. His area is probably my favorite overall.... and, his theme slaps! I'm glad we meet Six in his area (:

NOW.... following my heart. For #2...

THE JANITOR aka ROGER. He's, VERY, interesting. I like his proportions so much, so delightful to see toddling all around & fondling everything. Wonderful fingies... But! I do think what sets him apart from the other inhabitants of the Maw is a real sense of having his own... interests.... ?? He collects dolls, books, 'forgotten things'.... I'm sure the Guests leave behind so much when they inevitably become meat so, it's novel the stuff that surely just goes down trash chute proceeds to be meticulously sorted and maintained by this funny little guy, who maintains some whimsy and HOPEFULLY joy in his work !?!? At this point it's my madness but, the children inexplicably have toys, which you just wouldn't... expect, them to necessarily be provided, exactly, by the Maw itself, so I wonder if Roger distributes things from his collections to the children... ? He's probably the ah, least violent to them in terms of gameplay, since it seems his job is just ferrying them off to the next station, and it's not his personal MO to eat them or throw them into a boiling pot, like the Chefs... he just wants uh, order. I like his strange body in this world. Maybe, after meeting the Doctor in 2, we can just assume a LOT can be done to a body, to keep it 'ticking'......... maybe kids have been chopping off his arms and kneecapping him for decades if not centuries lol! Maybe this is what you get lol.... There is a drawing by a child or Nome which MIGHT ?? imply he had more arms once, I just don't know, but I know I'M!! tickled by the idea that he used to be some terrible spider, in order to efficiently do all his jobs.... the only negative point for him to me would be that, I wish he was 'the caretaker' instead of 'the Janitor'.... his position looking after the children, inhabiting this playroom & cafeteria zone, acting as chaperone... is more defining to me than 'janitor'. Maybe it's supposed to make you understand how degraded children are in this world...? That he's basically seen as a custodian? But I think 'Caretaker' is both creepier & adds fascination.....

#3 is.... also maybe surprisingly,

the doctor.... & his patients if this list was about 'good to look at' he would be dead last, absolutely really hate to see this guy, just the worst thing, in either game, really makes the others seem so twee in contrast. So upsettin. BUT UNFORTUNATELY he has both a really thematically appropriate & very veerrryyyyy interesting operation.... he's also somehow touching almost everything else in some way, what with seemingly making masks we see in the Maw, providing the hunter prosthetics, providing the teacher organs..... But as a part of LN2, I really like an enemy whos entire purpose is 'helping' or 'caring for' others. I don't even think one can blame the Doctor for disfiguring people so disastrously, when his patients are equally delusional people begging him for respite to these endless extremes. And, considering the state of Viewers, it can't really be said that he is condemning them to a worse fate, can it? He's ah, done something to kind of 'interrupt' the Signal Tower's own endgame, keeping people in this labyrinthine hospital ever in surgical repair. Like the Hunter he's in some way comparable to Mono's psyche with 'helping' Six, so I'm really down... and I do find his patients, really, interesting. It's a form of art at this point... It's pretty scary Mono intentionally flatlines one of them to upset this guy into a chase.... I like his protectiveness & diligence. It's a great coping mechanism in a dilapidating world. Like the Hunter, you understand who this used to be, and how it became this.

against all odds this late in the game is #4 the Lady or Governess of the Maw

In contrast to the world around her, the Lady is extremely captivating!! I like designing a world where just a -- beautiful-seeming lady is the most unusual & bizarre & thus foreboding thing.

AS FOR WHY SHE'S SO LOW... I suppose I don't find ah Legacies very interesting (I'm glad the devs have STERNLY shut down the Six/Lady being related theory down as not true LOL), in a personal sense it doesn't make me too curious about her. She seems to be part of a long line of women set up to be the next Governess, she seems to basically run a business & keep everything in line.... I have an impression that the Lady herself seems more short-lived than her various custodians (they seem, again, like they've been 'repaired' or 'retooled' many many times over the years, while Ladies cycle out regularly).... I'm sad for her that she's, somehow old & contorted herself, or can't admire beauty in herself... maybe she's on the verge of cycling out, I don't know. Maybe holding all of that power degrades your body quickly, maybe running the Maw itself does, ah no idea. Who knows what it means for Six to USURP it, as an UNRIGHTFUL inheritor, INTERRUPTING the line of succession. I wonder if there's significance (for the Maw itself) to it being a particular bloodline, or if it's just about tradition & stability/security in some sense in this world, for the Governess... Her fixation on. Babies. Dolls. intrigues me? For someone in some sort of line of succession, maybe that's pathological. I have no idea what a baby would represent to someone terrified of their aging body & fragile position as a ruler, destined to be replaced. She's kind of so shrouded in mystery that I have to put her lower than people who we can understand the human motivations of, suchas the Doctor, Hunter, Thin Man.... but the first game's theme is like, greed/corruption/power or what have you, which unfortunately isn't as interesting to me culminated in a person, even if this is likely the most intriguing it could ever get for me (with the Least Intriguing being like, a CEO. businessman. Mob Boss. idk). The Lady exemplifies that well I'm sure, the burden of .... nepotism LOL the cost of power ?? your fate slated for you from the start? It's only interesting to a point, though.... Sometimes I wonder if Granny is a previous Governess or what lol... much to ponder. Little to know.

NOW. is it even worth listing what is next? By nature I have little to say about them hm... Well ok. #5

the Teacher & Bullies

I think this is similar to the Lady for me, where the concept of maintaining like... discipline or order for a sense of comfort, is not very interesting to me, of all ways to express it. Though, I think whatever that may say about our theme of escapism & its many forms, I do find interesting, so she isn't too rock bottom in THAT sense... However it's hard to even have the pity for her that I do the Lady, and I have actually less to say or infer about The Teacher's hobbies than the Lady's, which is already very little. I find the baby dolls of the Lady pathological & intriguing, as well as needing to meticulously maintain all of the records & statues of her sanctum, the reality of having been a child preparing for this role once .......... that I can dwell on. I can also dwell on & understand the Hunter's both maintained habit (preservation of few precious individuals, protection of his space) AND his hobby (making birdhouses... a home for something delicate.)

The Teacher both, meticulously preserves organs (whos?) (why?) (for what?) (also she preserves a lot of frogs) (even more why) (doesn't really have to do with being a teacher) (less interesting than the Doctor's interest to me... who LOVES his patients & they love him) and also she plays piano (why?) (what does that have to do with the school as a whole?) (I guess any hobby is a form of escapism?) <- she just seems kind of messier to me. And strangely has little to do with childcare in terms of her personal fixations, so I hardly know why she is The Teacher (she'd almost be better off being The Researcher or The Scientiest lol).... which feels like a missed opportunity, though I also assume she kind of COULDN'T be more caretaking without taking up the Doctor's whole thing .......... (though I would honestly personally prefer it if all 3-- Doctor, Teacher, Hunter-- had a seemingly-sincere obsessive-caretaking quality which echoes Mono... as it is its like 2/3) I don't really know who or what she was .... I would LIKE TO PRETEND she was herself like, a student abused in this school by the Principal once upon a time, but I would really prefer more than the vaguest of delusions making me imagine that. I find the bullies more interesting as some expression of Mono's psyche about.... other children, their mindlessness, destructiveness... I also like that their role is, DIRECT THREAT TO SIX!!! and I like that, like the Hunter... they seek to, CAPTURE Six, but they seek to fucking kill obliterate Mono. He has interesting ideas of the world. I'm sure Six is something desirable to Keep or Play with, but HE'S just, utterly hated & everything wants him devastated (I wonder if Six should have found that suspicious)....

Beyond this point I don't think I have anything to say about the remaining enemies!!! I have no commentary on the Chefs. Their kitchen is nice ? they maintain it nicely, so they must care, like Roger does about his space. They freakin hate when a rat be in there (Six). Their life seems sadder than Roger's in terms of the workload being not so stimulating or personable, it seems so efficient their livingspace, however they also seem to be under much less threat of bodily harm than Roger working with children LOL. I do not have much intrigue about their. Life. & they are so hideous ... being twins is not, enough. I guess I am happy they are never olone. Do you think it is their choice to have beds together & toilets too? Roger can customize his space a lot so I don't imagine they were FORCED!!! to be so perpetually close. In this world one could just assume 2 people remaining attached & synchronously degrading into monsters. Why do they wear terrible fleshy skin masks, for what purpose. Why is it the same sad strange concrete grey as Roger's cranium base. We just do not know.

[samijey]

Based on your last answer, do you think even after everything Sami kind of doesn't Associate Jey with the bloodline? Like separate almost, like he knows Jey doesn't want to be there? He legit felt safe enough to approach him alone in a dark corner not even entertaining the fact Jey could attack him.

It's like Roman and Sami both know Jey has one foot out the door, his heart isn't in it, he just needs the right push, hear the right thing. Sami is trying to talk to him, Roman lies, manipulates and apparently now trying to murder him. Jey is torn, I love they didn't drop this. It's still so clear, who knows what would have happened if Solo came down and got his ass back in gear. It's only a matter of time and everyone but Jey knows this.

As a reader and writer Jey is so compelling.

God anon I have so many thoughts about everything you just said... for me, the moment Jey stood up for Sami at the trial, he became... okay this is going to sound corny but bear with me, he became the shining light in Sami's life - Sami had already betrayed Kevin and likely felt so bad about it that he'd temporarily given up hope of ever making amends with his best friend.

After months and months of puting himself through constant physical pain and even worse emotional pain, always walking on eggshells because Roman would constantly test him over and over, and he was never quite sure whether a beat down was just around the corner or not, Sami had visibly had enough at that point.

I believe Paul burying him at the trial and no one saying a word to dispute his claims was the final drop for Sami and he was just about done - this is my interpretation given the fact that he did not present a defense and that when Solo went to spike him, Sami did not struggle and instead looked resigned, as if he was thinking "it was good while it lasted but deep down I knew I'd never find a place to belong." We know that's what Sami's always wanted - either as a heel or as a face, Sami's character always works the angle of wanting respect - the Bloodline provided that for him and it came with the added bonus of companionship and essentially a family that he loved.

No wonder Sami was so happy in the Bloodline for that brief period when things were good - he had respect, he had a place to belong and he had a family??? What an amazing deal!

So when it looked like all of that had crumpled to dust at the trial, that's the moment Jey stops Solo's arm and that's when everything changes and suddenly Sami has another chance and holy shit this guy he worked so hard to befriend loves him to the point of sticking out his neck for him??? For Sami Zayn, the eternal underdog? The conspiracy victim? The guy who got mocked constantly backstage by his peers? The person who had marred Roman's win/loss record with that ugly defeat on Smackdown against KO and Cena? And after he'd promised a victory too? Damn.

Like, anyone in Sami's position would have been absolutely taken with Jey in that moment, that act likely meant everything to Sami and that's a big reason why he can't stop trying to save this man who saved him at a time when he probably felt unwanted and unloved. Jey stepped up and told everyone that Sami was not only loved but also wanted in this family - the fans all putting their ones up was such a beautiful cherry on top of all this 😭😭

So yes, I'd say Sami sees Jey as "separate" from the Bloodline in some way - he very much knows Jey wants out (he can see it all over Jey's face just like we at home do!) and he keeps hoping that talking to Jey will give him the push he needs but clearly it's not working so we know something substantial is going to happen to finally make Jey snap out of it and it will be PAINFUL.

And finally, to your last point about how, as a reader and writer, Jey is so compelling? YES, I FEEL YOU! I mean, just look at the lenghts and lenghts of text I've been writing in these replies, clearly I'm not okay 😭🤧🤧

[renee-writer]

The Heart Don't Lie Chapter 66

A/N All from ' Rose didn't notice the lad' is the amazing work of @omgbarbiegurl . She wanted to help Rose find happiness again. A start, eh?

AO3

Justice is swift. Anna, with no defense, nor wanting any, pleads guilty to all charges. It is a relief to all involved. There is still victims statements. Standing in court, Rose gets to stare across at the woman who gave her birth, and tell Her Grace how she then took it away.

 

“She was, is everything. We had our whole future planned. Finishing university, I was to work, helping to run my family’s estate. Beth,” her voice closes, “she would have stayed home with our children. We planned on adopting one and having one or two. Now, all that is gone! The future we planned taken away by one vengeful, nasty, hateful act by the one woman who was supposed to love me most. Thank God I have Mama Claire.”

 

It is her arms she runs into after her statement. Claire meets Anna’s eyes as she leads her away.

 

A year later with Anna serving as a guest of the Crown for the rest of her life, she makes an announcement.

 

“I want to finish my studies.”

 

She has been at Lallybroch, in the bosom of her family , working through the intensity of her grief. At first, it was all she could do to get through each hour, let alone each day. Slowly, while loving on her baby siblings ( many a night finds her rocking either Tom or Em),  she works through the worst of it.

 

Oh, it is still there and she knows it always will be but the sharp edge is gone. Now, she is ready to restart her life.

 

“I think that is a wonderful idea.” Her daddy says.

 

“You are ready?” Mama Claire asks.

 

“Aye. It is what Beth would want. I believe being around others again will help with the healing. Focusing on classes instead of that horrid day.”

 

They agree. She returns to a university closer to Lallybroch, needing to be home every evening.

 

 

Rose didn’t notice the lad.

 

Not at first.

 

Still grief stricken, she had barely given a thought of any form of love or lust, with anyone.

 

Beth was one of a kind and Rose missed her every day.

 

Through Anna’s trial, through her sentencing, through every bit of justice that was meted out; she missed Rose.

 

She was grateful for her family though.

 

Her Daddy and Mama Claire had barely left her side, or let her leave their side as she mourned.

 

Willa of course was a constant presence as were the twins.

 

Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ian were always close by, as were the cousins.

 

So with so much support, she of course didn’t have any notice for outside attention.

 

But, he noticed her.

 

Of course he knew the pain she had been through, you couldn’t walk 2 steps without knowing that Rose Fraser’s bio mother had killed her fiancé at the Wedding, thinking it was Rose’s Step Mother.

 

But one didn’t bring that up though.

 

It was late in fall, just as the leaves were taking on the brown color, coming up on Halloween when he finally approached her.

 

“I’m Andrew.” He said, offering his hand to her.

 

She stared at him in surprise.

 

“Rose.”

 

“I know.”

 

Her face crumpled with pain.

 

“Of course you do.”

 

“Whoa, no it’s okay. I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

He took her hands and led her over to a small bench and helped her sit down.

 

“No, I mean obviously I know what happened to you, but the media never revealed your name.”

 

“So how did you know it?”

 

“Well, you’re in one of my classes, I have been trying to introduce myself, but you seemed so closed off.”

 

She smiled, ever so slightly. “And now?”

 

“I see healing.”

 

She sniffled a little and he offered her a tissue.

 

“You know, I lost someone close to me not long ago, so I understand the pain.”

 

“Thank you, but I don’t think anyone can understand this pain. I lost the love of my life.”

 

Andrew nodded and took her hand. “I lost my Mam, I can’t understand your pain, but our pain can move in tandem. Make it easier to carry.”

 

She sniffled again and looked at him with her huge eyes.

 

“That sounds nice. Thank you.”

 

He smiled and Rose felt a small tug on her heart that she hadn’t felt since Beth.

 

Just a flutter really.

 

She needed to talk to her Mama Claire and Willa.

[sephirajo]

Netflix’s Dahmer - Monster Makes Me Uncomfortable - And Not in the Way the Authors Intended

So, I watched and finished Netflix’s “revolutionary” crime drama and I’m going to have to stop them right there.  The only thing really revolutionary about this crime drama is how they claimed to be supporting victims stories, while apparently not having asked for permission in order to add some of the more explosive memories everyone has from the ‘91 trial peppered in near the end to keep people watching.

Note, I’m not upset at the women who played Rita Isbell, she did a good job with what is an older sister breaking down in the face her brother’s killer, a scene really only added to be bombastic as several other less famous victim statements exist, some of whom I’m sure would have given permission for this, if asked.  This is, sadly, a side effect of a public trial, all of these victim statements are public record and with that permission isn’t a legal requirement.  Only a desire to put the pain of others on display.

Dahmer is in living memory, we had just moved in to my family’s first house when the case broke all over, and living in Minnesota we heard about it over and over, jokes made their way around my school as a way for a bunch of ten year olds to deal with what they were hearing every night on the news. And those statements are ones that not only do quite a few of us alive today still remember but weren’t even really necessary to show on screen for the story the REST of the series is trying to tell.

The rest of the series actually does do something I haven’t seen more than a handful of times, it lays the blame where it belongs, on racism and police incompetence and willingness to believe a white man over a black woman. It covers Rev. Jesse Jackson going to Milwaukee, it focused more than lightly on Glenda Cleveland, another thing I haven’t seen done outside a documentary.  The episode “Silenced” is another amazing stand out, being from the point of view of Tony, one of Dahmer’s victims.  A deaf, black, gay man in Milwaukee in the 90s and focuses on his community and trying to connect in a hearing world.  Then, that itself seems ruined as he’s dangled in front of Dahmer as hope at redemption, a soulmate, someone he could have bonded with before Dahmer does what Dahmer did. If only the other victims got more attention.

That aside there’s details I hadn’t heard before, one I’m sure is a change which... um why when you have so many young men to choose from would you have to add someone who lived in the Oxford Apartments?  Unless I’m misremembering, that didn’t happen.  Also a claim that Dahmer was digging up and sleeping with recently deceased men from the neighborhood, now, I admit I don’t know every detail of the case or how cemeteries in Milwaukee are, but I do think that would have been something that had come up in any other doc before if there was any evidence of it, which I can’t see how there wouldn’t be. Graves are not easily dug up.  It is not easily hidden, especially if, like the show has someone claim, he was doing it more than just once or twice.  I get making changes to a true story when putting it to screen because real life is messy and our brains can’t process it with the ease we do a good story, but it seems really disrespectful on top of everything else for the writers to do.

I don’t doubt they think they were telling all the victims stories, but I’m going to leave you with this news segment I found from a local Milwaukee news station:

Milwaukee LGBTQIA+ Community reacts to Jeffrey DHamer Netflix Series

[parisian-nicole]

Garvez Fic: Tabula Rasa

Author: Parisian Nicole

Summary: I just really hate CME and its writers right now and how they fucked us over. So, we shall write things the way I want them and feel they should have been. And I encourage and sincerely hope other Garvez fans will do the same. I look forward to reading all the amazing Garvez stories to come!

***

“How’s he doing?” He asked the woman standing before him as he closed the magazine he had only been skimming through while he waited for her return.

“He made it through surgery with flying colors and he’s resting now,” She answered with a small smile as she took the chair next to his. “Luke, you didn’t have to come to the hospital with me and wait for hours until Tyler came out of surgery. After tonight’s excitement with saving Rossi and stopping Sicarius, you must be so tired,” Penelope looked at his face as she said this and could actually see his exhaustion.

“Yeah, but after tonight’s excitement my brain is too wired, I’d never get to sleep,” Luke sighed heavily. “Besides, you need a friend right now,” She frowned a little in her sadness as she nodded.

“Thank you, I know the others hate me right now because of my involvement with Tyler. Even though Sicarius’s death means there won’t be a trial that that involvement could compromise,” She said recalling the other’s disappointed looks when they found out she had slept with Tyler Green.

“C’mon, they don’t hate you,” Luke argued what he knew was the truth. “They were all just … surprised…”

“Rossi called me a stupid little fool and said that I should be fired,” She flinched a little as she recalled just how mad the man, whom she thought of like a father was earlier.

“He was disappointed, that’s all, and once he’s had time to calm down …” He tried to console her but she quickly cut off his words.

“He’ll probably never trust me professionally again,” Penelope stated. “And neither will Emily. And I can’t blame them I broke the rules and did something I knew was not ethical in our job. And on top of all that I’m a big hypocrite because some years ago I chastised Derek when I thought he was getting too involved with the sister of a victim in a case we were working. I knew better but I kind of didn’t care at the time.”

“Well, you’ve changed in the last three years since you last worked with us,” Luke spoke softly as he leaned over and nudged her a little and pulled a tiny smile from her. “I’ve noticed your change because you have been way too nice to me since you’ve come back,” She snorted and laughed a little as did he.

“While I was away from you and the BAU I had time to reflect and I came to realize that you’re not so bad.”

“Gee, thanks,” He scoffed at her with a smile and a playful scowl.

“Seriously, I had created this preconceived notion about you when you first showed up,” She explained as she looked at him dead-on. “Keep in mind my very best friend, who I now feel comfortable confessing, I was totally in love with,” Her admission surprised Luke. Although he had his suspicions just based on the few times, he had seen Garcia and Morgan together, he wasn’t sure she was even aware and probably would never admit it to herself or anyone else. He also knew that the feelings were not one-sided, but Morgan definitely wouldn’t ever disclose his other than friendly feelings towards her. Luke could see that their friendship was too important to risk for Morgan. “He left to start a family and a new wonderful life. It literally felt like he was leaving me and what we could have been and I thought ‘The story of my life’. The hot guy I thought might be interested in me picks the hot model type … AGAIN!” Luke frowned a bit at her idea that she was not hot because he thought she was muy caliente. “Then in walks ‘you’,” She makes a blah face and then smiled at him and he playfully rolled his eyes at her and smirked. “This guy who was even hotter than Derek, and I will call you a damn liar if you ever tell anyone I just said that…” She pointed at him and he chuckled. “And Latin and I thought oh he’s definitely a player, Mr. Latin Lover. No way a man can look that hot and not have a little black book filled with hot model types whom he had at his beck and call,” This brought a genuine frown and look of hurt to Luke’s face which she noticed. “I know now that’s not who you really are,” Penelope said gently as she reached over and placed her left hand on his right arm, which rested on the arm of the uncomfortable hospital chair he had been sitting in for the last two hours. He nodded and sent her a kind smile. “You know all that stuff they say about hindsight, who knew it was all true?” She joked and he smiled and quietly chuckled. She had a way of doing that to him bringing him happiness, joy, and entertainment at the most unusual times and even when no one else found her antics humorous. Maybe they had all gotten used to her ways over the years, but he never had and prayed he never would because he found her to be so adorable. And he really adored her in general. “I put up walls with you and knew that the only way I could deal with you was if I made myself dislike you, and you made it so hard to keep up that façade almost every day. But then you’d say or do something and I’d be like ‘Ha! Now I remember I don’t like you, Newbie!’.”

“Yeah, I knew you didn’t want to like me and I also understood why, so I tried to make it easier for you,” He shrugged a little and she nodded because he had already told her this before. “Besides I knew eventually you’d grow to love me just as much as I’ve grown to love you,” Luke proclaimed and she snapped wide surprised eyes up at him and found him looking back at her with a serious look on his face. His left brow was arched as if he were waiting for her to challenge or deny his words. Penelope smiled coyly and averted her eyes down to the face of the celebrity on the magazine still in his lap. They sat in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes before Luke spoke again. “So, looks like you’ve found your person,” She scowled a little as she looked over at him.

“Huh?”

“Your person,” He repeated as he dipped his head a bit and looked at her as if to say don’t you remember? “On our date, you said we’d find our ‘person’ someday,” Her face held understanding now as she finally recalled. “So, Tyler Green is-”

“Is not my person,” Penelope quickly interjected as she shook her head at the idea. And he was surprised and internally very pleased to hear this, though he sent her a sad face as he pretended the news was bad.

“Oh, I thought you two were…”

“We had amazing sex once, and I’m talking AMAAAAAZING,” She exaggerated the word and the truth of it a little because she could tell it bothered Luke and then laughed at his adverse reaction.

“Okay, stop, please,” He frowned in genuine disgust and slight anger at the thought that some other guy had given her such pleasure. He had told her he wanted to be the person she would come to when she needed to talk or cry, but this type of conversation had not been what he had meant.

“Honestly, for a second there I thought he had the potential to possibly, maybe be my person…” She admitted.

“But?” He coaxed her to go on when she paused because he really wanted to know the truth of it.

“He lied to me when I asked him if one of the guys on our suspect board was Sicarius. Then I realized he had used me to stay close to the case. For Tyler it had always been about revenge, to avenge his sister by finding her killer and then killing him.”

“Yeah, but some might think that made him noble,” Luke said as he watched her carefully while he tried to gauge if there might still be interest for her where Tyler Green was concerned.

“Maybe, but all I know is he’s a liar, a user, and he’s selfish, none of the characteristics I want in my ‘person’. Also, I did kind of use him just for sex,” This made Luke’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head as he looked at her in true disbelief even as a smile spread across his face. “Look, I had a serious itch that needed scratching because it had been a five-year dry spell so don’t judge me, Luke,” His face morphed into a gentle smile as her face at that moment looked exactly like it had in the elevator when they spoke about her fingering techniques.

“Hey, I get that. I haven’t had any since Lisa,” Luke confessed and it was Penelope’s turn to look at him in shock.

“No way,” She frowned at him not believing him. “You could have any woman you want and you know it. In fact, every woman and a couple of men in this waiting room right now are fantasizing about having you in between their thighs,” She said and then realized the way he was smiling at her and her Freudian slip. “Present company excluded,” She quickly tacked on nervously.

“Well, that doesn’t mean I want them or have any interest in fulfilling their sexual fantasies … Present company excluded,” He replied and smiled some when he saw the redness of her blushing spread across her chest and up her neck as she avoided his eyes. “The truth is I haven’t been looking.”

“Yeah, a pandemic does put a damper on dating and finding someone,” She spoke this as she nodded her head.

“Actually, I didn’t look because I’ve realized that I had already found my person but I gave her up too easily,” His words made Penelope look up at him with widened eyes as she pondered who he might be referring to while she tried to push down the pang of jealousy that instantly smacked her.

“Oh, so, Lisa … You … You and Lisa have reconnected?” She asked and prayed that her disappointment and hurt didn’t show on her face.

“No,” He said as he shook his head slightly. “But it was Lisa who helped me find my person…” He backtracked on his words wanting to give her full disclosure about him and Lisa. “We did hook up a couple of times about a year and a half ago. I think the lockdown had really started to get to both of us and we decided to try to quarantine together. But we fast realized that it was more like you said we had an itch that needed scratching and once we’d done that it became really clear that we were never gonna be anything more than just friends, and now not even that,” Penelope listened quietly as she put on a supportive friend face even though inside, she was very pleased about what she was hearing. “Because she totally hates me now.”

“What? Why?” She scowled in anger at the idea that anyone would be hating on someone she considered not just a friend but her family among other things she didn’t think she would ever speak aloud.

“Do you really want to know?” Luke asked her as he looked at her with a serious look on his face she gulped nervously as she regarded him for a moment, and then she nodded her head for him to continue. “The last time we were having sex …” He found he couldn’t hold her gaze and for a second he thought about lying but then decided he was just tired of this thing they did with each other where they kind of danced around one another when it was so blatantly obvious that there was something between them and that something was definitely other than friendly or platonic in nature. “I called ‘your’ name,” He stated and then remained silent to allow her to react.

“Whoa,” Her mouth fell open in surprise as she tried to stop the giggles that wanted out. “You called another woman’s name during sex. Oh, that is so fucked up, Luke, and yeah, I can totally see why she would hate…” She stopped talking mid-sentence as her brain had finally caught up with the words that he had spoken. “Wait, you called my name … you said ‘Penelope’ while you were balls deep in Lisa?”

“Actually, it was ‘Garcia’,” Luke answered.

“Oh,” Was all she could say as the full weight of what he was saying came down upon her.

“Yeah, oh,” He repeated and nodded as he went on. He figured now was the time for a true confession. In fact, ever since the day before when he realized that she was having sex and there was another guy in the picture he had wanted to say something to her about his feelings. “And when I said your name it kind of brought clarity to Lisa and me both. Lisa started throwing out accusations about my liking you and that, that was why I seemed to always plan to get to gather with the team on days I knew she had to work so that way you two would never be around each other. And why I would constantly shoot down Phil whenever he would ask me to hook you two up. And she was right, everything she was saying was the truth, but I hadn’t even realized it until that very moment. I didn’t want Lisa to ever come to our gatherings and I did always plan them on days I knew she’d be at the hospital; like my housewarming party and Matt and Kristy’s baby shower. And I did that because I didn’t want you to see me with Lisa in any romantic way. And Phil, I am so sorry, I know when you asked me if he ever asked about you, I told you no,” He swallowed down the lump in his throat as he thought about his deceased best friend and partner. “But really, he asked about you all the time, every time we hung out in fact. He really wanted me to help him get a date with you but I wouldn’t …I couldn’t because I didn’t want him or anyone else dating you. And I knew you weren’t seeing anyone seriously back then and I wanted to keep it that way. Yeah, I know I had some nerve, cockblocking you while I had Lisa in my bed. Oh, and she also pointed out to me that you were the reason why I hardly ever touched her sexually during our relationship. I would always make up excuses that I was tired or a case was getting to me. It also helped that she worked long and odd hours at the hospital which made our schedules out of sync. But really, I feared having sex with her because deep down inside she wasn’t whom I wanted in my bed and I think subconsciously I always knew I was going to slip up and say the name of the person I did want there. And I finally did,” He finished and then took a deep cleansing and shaky breath as he looked at her face which was unreadable. She had sat the entire time listening to him spill his secrets and pour his heart out to her and her face gave nothing away to tell him what she might be thinking.

“Luke, are you saying that I’m your person?” Penelope asked calmly as she looked at him in kindness. But before he could reply she spoke again. “Because I think you’re my person too,” She proclaimed, and the elation at hearing this instantly fell to his face. “I didn’t even realize it until I was having sex with Tyler. Just like you, while Tyler and I were doing the do I was totally thinking about you. Now, I never called out your name because I have class and manners unlike some people,” She tossed him a teasing smile and he smirked in return. “And while sex with Tyler was great,” She giggled when Luke groaned and rolled his eyes upward. “I knew that it would be so much better with you and afterward I realized that I wanted it to be with you.”

“I want it to be with you too, Penelope,” Luke said as he shifted his right arm where her left hand still rested and then he grasped her left hand in his right hand and interlocked their fingers. “So, should we go on a second date?” He suggested and she scrunched her nose up to the idea.

“Do we really need to?” She questioned and he arched his brows and smiled at her. “I mean we know each other pretty well now, and we are ‘friends’ … not frenemies but friends,” She tacked on with a knowing smile that he reciprocated as he nodded. “And we like, like each other, we really want to have sex with each other, and we’ve literally waited for years to do it, so I say we should just do that.”

“Yeah, we should totally do that,” Luke replied with a huge smile and they both stood up from their chairs and hand-in-hand they made their way out of the waiting room. They were up on the fifth floor which was where the ICU was and where Tyler had been taken after his surgery. And as they made their way down the corridor and headed to the elevators, both Luke and Penelope were scanning rooms as they passed them. “We are not even going to make it out of this hospital, are we?” He spoke out again.

“Nope, not if we can find an empty room with a lock on the door,” She stated.

[The End]

[skaterfairy02]

An Ode to Yargı: Part 1

Yargı has been a life-changing show to watch. I haven't felt this way about a tv show - in any language - in a long time (or ever? if i think about it).

TV shows are unique in that they are vulnerable to being driven by ratings. Depending on the country, TV shows are either renewed season by season based on ratings and revenues and may only have 1 season of 16-17 episodes (most K Dramas), or in the case of Turkish dizis (like Yargı), driven by the ratings of each episode. Let me stop here and provide a disclaimer: I am not Turkish, I haven't been watching Turkish dizis for very long, and I probably don't understand the intricacies and complexities of how the Turkish dizi industry works. I only started watching dizis after stumbling upon a youtube fan edit for Nazli & Ferit from Dolunay during the COVID-19 lockdown in Spring 2020. The rest is history. However, it's not hard to see that because dizis mostly depend on the ratings of each episode, the story which the writers set out to tell can suffer as a result. This is not to say that dizis are the only tv shows to fall victim to this pattern. Even with season-by-season renewal, American shows suffer from this phenomenon as well. The first couple seasons of a show might be amazing with very crisp writing, but then the show steadily declines in the later seasons, show-runners change, cast members leave, and you really question why you're still watching the show. Since diving into dizis and learning the bare minimum about Turkish ratings, it seems this phenomenon is just more underscored.

But Yargı has been a game-changer. It's been absolutely beautiful to watch the writer's story play out so far, with so much attention given to all the details, and the actors have truly done an amazing job bringing it to life. At 17 episodes (over 34 hours!), I am still just as excited for the next episodes as I was when I watched the first couple of episodes. It's been extremely comforting to hear the writer (Sema Ergenekon, who is amazingly talented and a genius honestly) openly say that she has the story and the rest of the episodes mapped out, indicating a strategic plan with a definite endpoint. I don't think I could handle a situation where the show was extended for no reason and the plot stretches and suffers as a result. Yargı has truly earned its viewers' trust.

However, beyond the trust that Yargı has earned from me, the show and its fans are also teaching me a lot and subtly causing me to examine my own internalized ideologies, in a way that I can easily say few shows in the world have done for me.

On the surface, I find myself relating to Ilgaz and Ceylin and their struggles in ways that are more obvious. Ilgaz is the oldest and nothing but perfection has been expected of him. When he tells his father Metin (I lovingly refer to him as Metinhoe/Metintrash) that he had to grow up so quickly and was never allowed any mistakes, it really resonated for me. Ceylin, on the other hand, has been trying her best to sustain her family despite their trials and tribulations, and her strongest familial bond is with her younger sister, again reflecting certain aspects of my own life.

However, the beauty of Yargı is that the characters are much deeper than what we are initially exposed to, and more human than what most shows allow of their characters. The best example of this is Ceylin. Ceylin is a flawed character. She is scrappy and resilient, as life has forced her to be, and goes after what she needs, though not always in the most acceptable way. But she knows who she is and does not pretend to be anything else. I am actually so in awe of this characteristic of hers. She is also loving, supportive, compassionate, empathetic, merciful, and forgiving, but is convinced (thanks in large part to her family) that she isn't deserving of fulfilling and loving relationships, so she runs away from things. When women talk about wanting to see flawed female characters, THIS is what we mean. Ceylin's flaws are authentic, born out of her life experiences, and while inconvenient at times, they are highly relatable and honestly endearing because of that. She is NOT flawed for the purpose of being endearing to the male gaze (NOT a manic pixie dream girl or any of her variants). I love Ceylin and who she is because she inspires me to be strong, even when mistakes are made and life is going off the rails. Ceylin is beautiful because of who she is, not in spite of it, and it took seeing this character for me to realize how true that is for us as individuals - that our flaws don't necessary diminish us or make us less worthy of love.

Ilgaz is also a beautiful character, but one I have more questions about and am still understanding. I think this is because I have so deeply internalized the way male characters are generally portrayed that whenever Ilgaz does something outside that structure, I have to grapple with it and it takes me time to understand it. Ilgaz has been living a life in golden chains, but chains nonetheless. His parents worked hard to help set him up for a respected career as a prosecutor and as we learn more about Ilgaz, it's obvious that just because he is a very respected prosecutor -- and he is morally upright, dedicated to doing his job well -- his family (see: Metinhoe/Metintrash) expects his personal life to be equally black and white and by the book. However, when his life intersects with Ceylin's, we start to learn what Ilgaz himself values. Yes, he values integrity, honesty, and hard work, especially with regards to his job and the law, but he is also very loving and supportive. Unlike his father, he does not believe that integrity, honesty, and hard work are mutually exclusive with expressing compassion and understanding, especially when life gets hard. Like Ceylin, he seeks to understand his loved ones and does whatever is in his power to help them. He is the exact opposite of a toxic man.

Edit: Yargı is now on episode 51. Since then, a lot more thoughts have been thunk, so I will write a part 2. However, the overall message is still the same, watch Yargı for clear skin.

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: a pool of light (ch. 2)

Relationships: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn & Wēn Qíng

Characters: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Wēn Qíng, Granny Wēn, Fourth Uncle, Wēn Níng | Wēn Qiónglín

Additional Tags: Pre-Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn Reconciliation, Dissociation, Mental Health Issues, Anniversary, Food, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Found Family, Emotional Constipation, Communication Failure, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín is Bad at Feelings, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín is Trying, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn Needs a Hug, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, POV Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, POV Third Person, Podfic Welcome

Summary: Wen Qing outlines plans, and Wei Ying tries not to dissociate.

Notes: See end.

Part 1 | Part 2

Chapter: 1

AO3 link

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When the discussion does happen, Wei Ying sleepy, as he often gets after a bad episode, and full of good food, sated in a way that is both like and unlike a good orgasm, it doesn’t take long. The Wens clearly conversed in the time he was dissociating, and the plan is more explained to him than anything—fine by him—with Wen Qing doing much of the talking, aided by Uncle Three, the lawyer, on speaker phone. 

If he’s honest, he understands very little of it, wrung out as he is, and it involves a lot of corporate legalese, but it boils down to Dafan Applications’ legal team (Uncle Three and a few of the cousins) reaching out to Compu-Jiang’s legal team to join forces and represent Wei Ying, which would make the lawsuit more robust with the victim officially a part of it. 

It would also give it a legitimacy it doesn’t currently have, which has benefits and drawbacks that make Wei Ying dizzy just thinking about, let alone having to listen to Wen Qing gently outline them. He understands she wants him to make an informed decision, but he just feels lost. 

She discusses the increased media attention, the possibility of backlash from Lan Qiren and Gusu Lan Tech, the fact that Yu Ziyuan might work to make the trial difficult, as she wasn’t shy about her vitriol to the media and could (and, Wen Qing comments, should) be among the defendants—

“Is reaching out t-to Jiang Cheng some… something you want, Ying-ge?” Wen Ning breaks in, bless him. 

His friendship with Wen Ning, this sweet, gentle, empathetic soul, is the best relationship he has outside A-Zhan and A-Yuan; if not for his stutter, and the fact that he’s such an absolute geek, he could have been an amazing therapist, always focused on people’s mental well-being. It’s kind of him to ask, and to stop his sister from going on a rant at Yu Ziyuan that Wei Ying doesn’t have the spoons to hear right now.

But this means Wei Ying has to decide if he wants it—a continuation of the upending that hasn’t even ebbed in the slightest, like the continuation of a tsunami. But with a possible reconciliation with Jiang Cheng… that ridiculous press conference was him reaching out. 

His mind goes blank, though as often happens this doesn’t stop his mouth from answering anyway. 

“Yes.”

He’s startled by his own answer, and from the gentle smile Wen Ning gives him, his surprise is clear. He has a sip of tea and clears his throat before speaking again. 

“I want to hear him out, at least—and the money will be nice,” he says, echoing A-Zhan’s sentiment from earlier. 

He tries to sound casual, but he knows he fails, able to hear the shakiness of his own voice. 

Wei Ying is surprised how much he wants, the feeling almost burning in its intensity; his relationship with Jiang Cheng was never perfect, not with how Yu Ziyuan used anything Wei Ying did well to cut Jiang Cheng down, but there were so many good memories over years, memories Wei Ying still treasures, ones he hopes Jiang Cheng still does, too. 

He knows nostalgia is only part of the reason for his wanting—there’s also the way they parted, via ugly text messages, and the fact that Yanli has always told him how much Jiang Cheng misses him, and the fact that his once-brother is stubborn as a donkey, chronically incapable of handling emotions in a way that doesn’t involve anger and grand gestures. Wei Ying’s not happy, but he understands Jiang Cheng’s ways, and if this is an olive branch, he wants to reach for it and hope there’s a future where they’re brothers again. 

“Then we’ll do it,” Wen Qing says resolutely. “And if you change your mind at any point, just let me know, all right?”

The look on her face makes it clear, even in its uncustomary gentleness, that she expects an answer, and she means also if he changes his mind about reconciling with Jiang Cheng, Wei Ying knows.

“A-Zhan will keep me honest,” he tells her. 

And it’s true. He won’t be able to hide it, since they’ll likely be confined to the building again for a while, which is awful for poor A-Yuan.

He knows the Wens will take him out when they can. He has a whole building of family, after all. It’s just not the same as going out with Baba and A-Die—they know this because their son is good with explaining his feelings, something they’ve worked on as a family, necessary for his parents since they’ve got trauma they’re still sorting out. 

A-Yuan, who has grown up in an environment where he’s been encouraged to be open and forthright, unlike himself and A-Zhan’s upbringing, is a lot better at it. 

A-Yuan, who doesn’t remember losing his parents but is still clingy to them as though a part of him does, who loves his daddies and picks up on their emotions a little too much sometimes. 

“We’ll need to talk to A-Yuan,” he murmurs to A-Zhan, who meets his eyes and nods. 

Popo pats his arm comfortingly, her gaze knowing. She was one person who stepped up a lot during the Jin trial, often taking A-Yuan out to play centers, like the indoor play center with a maze of tunnels for kids to explore and find hidden ball pits and trampoline areas. A-Yuan raved about this area that felt like he was floating on water if he lay down. As long as a place had somewhere for her to sit while he ran around, Popo was game.

“The community center has lovely classes we can sign him up for. All of us go there once a day, at least.”

There are, thankfully, plenty of activities that he’ll enjoy, even age appropriate classes on the dizi and other Chinese instruments, and Mandarin-language social gatherings, where many children will also be present, giving their son a chance to socialize more. It’s not perfect, and they’ll find a way to supplement, but it’s a start.

A-Zhan thanks her, and Wei Ying nods along, feeling odd that his husband is speaking more than he is for once. 

“I’ll help… help too,” Wen Ning adds. “He like… likes that Galaxy Golf place a lot.”

That’s a place Wei Ying can’t take him, the blacklight and neon giving him a migraine, something he blames on an awful job he’d taken (and eventually had to quit) during the bad years that involved poor lighting, wearing a cheesy costume, and being manhandled by teenagers for far too little money. The time he tried, he was sick in the public bathroom and spent the next day in bed, so A-Yuan was fine with that being a place to go with his shushu or A-Zhan. 

A-Zhan prefers to take him to educational exhibits, and Wen Ning is happy to take the role of fun uncle. 

“Then it’s settled,” Uncle Four says, pulling out a box of pastries. 

The logo on the box shows they’re from the good Chinese bakery across the city, so someone drove through rush hour traffic to get them. 

Wei Ying loves the Wens so much, this gesture normal for them in a way he never experienced in a family before they took him and A-Zhan in. They think nothing of gestures so sweet and loving they bring him to tears just thinking about, and this is another one like that. 

With this, on top of the amazing dinner they came together to make, he feels so overwhelmed he has to pull the weighted blanket more snuggly around himself and take a few deep breaths to keep from actually crying.

He hates crying, and normally wouldn’t come nearly this close, but he’s not this overwhelmed very often anymore, either. A-Zhan’s hand finds his own. He rubs circles against Wei Ying’s palm with his thumb, and it helps. 

By the time he opens his eyes, the Wens are at work cleaning up, all of them far too kind to comment on his episode. 

While Uncle Four arranges the pastries prettily on a plate, Popo starts packing up leftovers. Wen Qing puts them in their refrigerator, and Wen Ning takes care of the dishes, gently refusing their (A-Zhan’s) help. Popo brews fresh tea. Someone takes some fresh greens to Turmeric. It’s a tiny whirlwind of activity that makes Wei Ying feel a bit dizzy, off-kilter as he is. 

In minutes, their kitchen is sparkling, cleaner than when they arrived. 

Wei Ying expects them to sit back around the table to enjoy the pastries, but apparently they're all for him and A-Zhan. Instead, they wish them a happy anniversary, offering hugs and (in Popo’s case) gentle cheek-pats, before leaving, even locking up behind them. 

Their anniversary. Right. 

Somehow Wei Ying forgot, focused so much on Jiang Cheng’s stupid public declaration of… whatever he’s declaring. 

He knows better than to let himself wallow in the pang of guilt at having even momentarily forgotten it’s their anniversary—there are extenuating circumstances and he knows A-Zhan would never be offended. They’ve been through so much together, something so little could never come between them. A-Zhan is the best, and Wei Ying loves him so much. 

Abruptly, he really just desperately wants his husband to rail him until he can’t walk for a week, to leave bite marks and hickeys and bruises where only the two of them will see, until he’s tethered more closely to his body and won’t feel on the verge of floating away. 

He wonders if they can take the pastries with them or if A-Zhan will keep to his “no food in bedrooms” rule. Maybe it can be waived, just this once. If he plays his cards right. 

When he glances at A-Zhan, he can see his husband having similar thoughts, so he crooks a little grin. 

“I bought new lingerie. You should rip all my clothes off and ruin them.”

Wei Wuxian put it on while A-Zhan was in the shower, lace and leather, black and blood-red and completely indecent in all the right ways. He’s still wearing them, under his dressy anniversary outfit. He likes this outfit, but sacrifices must be made at times. 

A-Zhan’s eyes rake over him like he’s roughly undressing him already, imagining just how he’ll ruin them and him, and he grins wider. 

“Or maybe you want to feed me pastries instead?” he says, leaning in. “Or both?”

He can see A-Zhan’s restraint snap, and he laughs as his husband pulls him toward their bedroom, snagging the pastries along the way. 

They spent the rest of the night burning calories in the best way, keeping their minds far from what was to come and firmly on each other, body and soul. 

The pastries go to very good use, though perhaps the baker would disagree. 

------------

I explained Spoon Theory to my mom a while back and it’s kind of adorable how she applies it to all sorts of stuff. I think she thinks it means capacity to deal with bullshit, which isn’t entirely off. 

The place Popo takes A-Yuan is based on this place that I went once as a kid called Discovery Fun World. I think they used to be a chain in the early 90s, at least where I grew up. Sooo much fun—way better than Chuck E. Cheese. They lived up to their TV commercials. 

Incidentally, I remember when Chuck E. Cheese was ShowBiz Pizza and the mouse wasn’t the mascot. I haven’t been to one in years but went to plenty of childhood birthday parties there, and my cousin once worked at one and had to be the mouse (and got beat up by teenagers). Do they still have the nightmare-inducing animatronic band?

[semisgroupie]

unethical techniques

scumbag lawyer!gin ichimaru x lawyer!fem. reader (ft. serial killer!aizen)

word count: 7.0k

warnings: noncon drugging, blackmail, noncon recording, aphrodisiac use, unprotected sex, multiple creampies, public sex, fingering (f! receiving), mentions of murder, use of legal jargon, consumption of alcohol, spit, praise, reader is called sweetheart

synopsis: never wander into the lion’s den, you’ll never like what’s inside

a/n: this is for my love and my heart @maitaro’s FAME collab! Please check out the other amazing works and thank you so much for letting me join! And this fic takes the cake for being my longest fic!!

PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS BEFORE YOU READ THIS FIC I DO NOT CONDONE OR APPROVE OF THIS BEHAVIOR THIS IS SOLELY A FICTIONAL PIECE AGAIN PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS THOROUGHLY BEFORE READING THIS FIC

You always wondered how Gin Ichimaru was able to have such a high success rate with cases. Even against the best prosecutors he would come out on top. Hell, his client could confess on the witness stand and he’d still win the case. It didn’t make sense to you, it never made sense. You even hired private investigators to sit in during the trials you couldn’t attend and hired them to follow him around and they would come back with nothing. Then when you would sit in during his trials you couldn’t pinpoint his technique, you just saw it as weird. But whenever he made eye contact with you or just looked in your direction you felt a chill run down your spine. It was all unusual and you just couldn’t figure it out from just being a viewer.

So, when you were given a case that he was involved in you saw it as a way to finally have all your questions answered.

You looked through all the documents of the case and you grew horrified at the gory details. You’ve handled murderers and serial killers before but this one gave you the creeps. Then it really bothered you when you saw his photo, he looked like a normal guy, like a guy you’ve passed by on the street hundreds of times. But of course Gin would be his lawyer, scum attracts scum.

Over the course of a couple of weeks you set up meetings with all the detectives working on the case and wrote up a list of possible witnesses you could use during the trial. You met with some of the family members of the victims and after 3 weeks of interviews and meetings it finally came to the day where you would meet the defendant and his attorney. You had to drive to the maximum security prison where he was currently housed since his bail was remanded due to the nature of his crimes and since he posed a high risk of reoffending if bail was set.

You sighed as you parked in front of the maximum security prison, you’ve been here quite a few times over the course of your short career but as you got out of your car and walked to the entrance you felt a cold chill run down your spine. You opened the door and clutched your briefcase tighter as you walked to the security check. You greeted the correction officer there and set everything down on the conveyor belt.

“Hello Miss L/N, who are you here to see today? And if you just came to see me you could just call, I could show you that I can dress up fancy too.” You laughed at his words and shook your head. He was a nice older man that had always kept a close eye on you whenever you came to visit an inmate and always had chocolates to give you once you were done with your visits. It’s been three years since you first met him and he had shown you nothing but kindness and always found a way to lighten your mood whether it was through harmless flirtatious comments or fatherly wisdom and advice.

“No, no Mr. Hiro. I wish I was here to visit you and what did I tell you about being so formal? Please just call me by my name. I’m here to visit Sosuke Aizen and his lawyer, they want to try to discuss a plea deal before the trial starts.” The normally crinkly eyed smile that was on Mr. Hiro’s face dropped once he heard the name fall from your lips and he grabbed your wrist to pull you close before you walked through the metal detector.

“Please drop this case or hand it down to another attorney in your office Y/N. That man is no good and neither is his snake of a lawyer. I’ve worked in this prison for 10 years and saw the worst of the worst but this guy is no joke, he’s the worst of them all. Please, just turn back now and forget all about this case. Nothing good is bound to happen.” Worry oozed through his words and your eyes widened. Was this man really that bad?

“Don’t worry Mr. Hiro, I’ll be fine. I have spoken to some of the families of the victims and they are putting all their trust in me to put this asshole in the electric chair, I have to do it. I’m the only one in my office with an almost perfect win record. If I feel threatened or endangered in any way I promise I will drop this case and hand it to one of my colleagues.” You placed your hand over his and gently squeezed it as a form of reassurance but he just shook his head and let go of your wrist.

“Just please be careful, you’re like a daughter to me and I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you.” You hugged him tightly and nodded before going through the metal detector and heading to the security desk to get your visitor’s pass. Your heels clicked against the floor as you made your way to the elevator and once you reached the floor where the room for the meeting was located you felt the chill run up your spine again. You shook off any nerves and you made your way to the room. Once you reached it you saw two large corrections officers standing on each side of the door and you nodded at them and took out your identification.

“Hello, I’m the state attorney for this case. Is the prisoner inside?”

One of the men nodded and pointed to the window, “his lawyer is inside too.”

You walked over to the one way mirror and saw both men. One with brown hair and wore a blue prison jumpsuit, signaling to you that he was a dangerous felon and the man next to him was someone you easily recognized. Gin Ichimaru. His silver hair was pushed back neatly and he wore a suit that was extremely expensive. You sighed as you looked at them then made your way back to the door.

“The inmate is handcuffed to the table and once you are done just knock on the door or window twice and we’ll let you out, we’ll keep a close eye on you while you are inside just in case he tries to become violent.” With that one of the officers opened the door and you made your way inside.

“Good morning gentlemen, my name is Y/N L/N and I am the prosecutor assigned to this case. I am here because you and your attorney would like to make a plea deal” you sat down in the chair across from the two men and you burned under their gazes. You set your briefcase on the table and opened it up to take out the file you had and opened it up. “Mr. Aizen, you are on trial for twelve counts of capital murder, thirteen counts of kidnapping, one count of attempted murder, twelve counts of abuse of a corpse and one count of resisting arrest. With all these charges you will most likely be sentenced to death, what would you like to discuss?”

You closed the file and looked at the two men, your gaze fell on Gin. Was he smiling? The sight of the smile on his face repulsed you and as he leaned forward you moved back a bit. “Well my client has already confessed to the murders and shown police where all the bodies are so with all his cooperation I’m thinking we should lower the sentence to 25 years in prison with the possibility of parole after 5.”

Your eyes widened and you scoffed at his words, “I’m sorry but is this a joke? You want your client to receive the sentence that is the equivalent to second or third degree murder? That’s just absurd, your client brutally murdered twelve people and would have murdered more if his thirteenth potential victim didn’t escape. He’s a threat to society.”

Aizen shook his head and rested his hands on the table. “We all make mistakes ma’am, I just made mine too many times in a row. I don’t deserve to die, I know what I did was wrong and I am sorry for what happened.”

You couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth and how Gin sat next to him with a smile on his face. How could he believe those words? How much was Aizen paying him? You stood up and placed your card on the table, handing it to Gin. As his fingers brushed against your hand you felt like your skin was burning under his touch and quickly moved it back. “When you’re serious about a plea deal, call me.”

You grabbed your briefcase and walked to the door, knocking on it twice. As you exited the room you could’ve sworn you heard Gin and his client whispering to each other and snickering but you just shook it off and made your way to the elevator. Just as the elevator opened you felt someone standing next to you so you looked to your left side and saw Gin standing there. That same grin was plastered on his face.

“Have I met you before this? You seem very familiar.” You walked into the elevator with him and stood at one of the back corners while he pressed the button to the first level and then moved to the back of the elevator with you.

“No, this is the first time I’ve been assigned as opposing counsel to a case you’re involved in but I have attended some of the trials of my colleagues when you were the defense. You have quite an impressive record, no losses.”

He nodded and moved closer to you, almost towering over you. “Wanna know the secret?” Without waiting for an answer from you he leaned down until his mouth was at your ear, “I always get what I want and I stop at no bounds to get it.” Your eyes widened and goosebumps rose along your skin and before you could react the elevator reached your floor. Gin backed away and looked back at you with that vile grin, “hope you continue to bring your A-game for trial, I love a challenge and you seem like the most difficult puzzle I’ve come across in years.” He walked out and you were left frozen in your place.

After a few deep breaths you quickly walked out of the elevator and walked to the parking lot so you could drive back to the office and gather yourself. It was probably some stupid tactic to psyche you out and throw you off but you weren’t going to let that stop you and you definitely weren’t going to forget what he told you, the words still ruminating in the back of your mind. “Always gets what he wants, fucking weirdo.” You shook it off and drove back to your office to somewhat prepare yourself for the next grueling weeks before trial.

After weeks of interviews, investigation, pointless plea deal requests and trial prep it was finally the day of the beginning of the trial. You could barely sleep the night before, something you just noted as pre-trial jitters. Then as the trial began you were completely unsure of what possible tricks Gin could have up his sleeve, his opening statement sounded like it was whipped up last minute, during his cross examination of your witnesses he didn’t even ask any relevant questions or questions that could make the jury question the witness’ credibility.

Everything was easy for some odd reason, when his witnesses took the stand you easily shred their credibility to pieces when it came to your cross examination. You were positive that you were going to win the case and send Sosuke to death row.

And still after every day of trial he had that smirk on his face, like there was something he should be proud of. It baffled you, why was he smirking and smiling all the damn time? You had to find out, so when Gin offered to discuss another plea deal over drinks you jumped at the opportunity. You just had to find out what tricks he had up his sleeve.

After he gave you the paper you went home, freshened up and made your way back to your car with the paper in hand. You glanced at the paper he had given you, an address written messily on the torn paper and furrowed your eyebrows. It didn’t seem like a bar you went to before but you just shrugged it off and put the address in your gps and followed the directions. It wasn’t a long drive from your condominium and your eyes widened once you parked in front of the building.

A luxury building, one of the most expensive luxury buildings in town. You got out of your car and fixed the skirt of your dress and made your way inside the building. The concierge took your name then led you to an elevator that would go straight to where you were meeting Gin and once you were inside you felt the nerves in your stomach.

Your boss had always warned you about meeting another attorney in such a private setting and it only intensified when one of your coworkers mixed business with pleasure during a meeting and got their case thrown out.

Once the elevator stopped and the doors opened you stepped out into the penthouse apartment. You took in all the expensive furniture, the beautiful view of the city, the shelf of expensive liquors and spirits as you stepped further inside. You looked over to see the door to the balcony open and you walked to it and peeked your head outside to see Gin leaning on the balustrade with a half empty glass in his hand. You took a few more steps out and caught his attention.

“Hello Miss Y/N, thank you for meeting me here. Come join me.”

You walked over to him and faced him as you leaned on the balustrade, keeping some distance between you two, “well I’m just here to listen to whatever deal you want to make, hopefully it’s not as ridiculous as the one you made when we first met.”

He laughed and shook his head as he took a step to close the distance. “All work no play I see. Well what would you like to drink? I would still like to be a good host while I have you here.”

“A scotch please and I hope you’re not a heavy handed pourer, I still need to drive back home.”

The smirk grew on his face as you told him your drink of choice. “Don’t you worry, I’m not heavy handed at all. I still want you to be coherent and please feel free to sit inside, it is getting a bit windy and it doesn’t seem like you brought a jacket. Come on.”

His hand rested on the small of your back as he followed you back inside. You took your seat on one of the plush couches and continued looking around the penthouse while he walked over and made your drinks. He glanced over at you and chuckled as he made your drink and refilled his.

“Like what you see? Maybe once you leave that crummy state attorney’s office, you can become a wealthy defense attorney.” He made his way over to you and handed you your drink, which to his delight you quickly took a sip and he sat on the opposite end of the couch from you.

“Maybe that is what I should do but I love sending people to prison too much and I could never imagine defending the monsters you defend.” You took another sip and shifted a bit so you could face him and your eyes quickly skimmed over his body. He wasn’t wearing one of those expensive suits he normally wore to court but his outfit was still fancy. He wore a burgundy button down satin shirt, with a few buttons popped open and black slacks with black dress shoes that look like they’ve never been worn before.

When you met his eyes it seemed like he was doing the same to you, making your cheeks burn as you didn’t wear something as fancy as him, just a simple black v-neck cocktail dress that you often wore to work whenever you didn’t have to go to court. You downed some more of your drink and leaned in a bit, “so what did you want to discuss?”

“Ah of course” he moved a bit closer but still kept his distance as he swirled the liquid around in his glass. “So I still think you should reconsider my most recent offer, 50 years with a minimum of 10 to 15 years. He’ll still go to jail but he won’t die, I think that’s a good deal.”

You scoffed and finished your drink and just before you could set it down on the coffee table Gin reached over and took the glass from you. “I’ll get you a refill, don’t worry I won’t put too much.”

You nodded and watched him walk to grab the scotch bottle before speaking. “That’s absurd, he murdered all those people Gin, even you must know that’s absurd. I could never accept a plea like that, the lowest I’ll go is life in prison without the possibility of parole. I’ll take the death penalty off the table.” You knit your eyebrows together and pinched the bridge of your nose as you felt something course through your body, you just had one little drink so it couldn’t have been any effects of drunkenness and you knew how you got when you drank so it would take a few more drinks to get you to even feel tipsy.

But this feeling was different, like there was a fire burning inside your body. You shifted in your seat, trying not to make it noticeable to Gin but it was too late, he handed you your drink and his classic smirk was plastered on his face as he reached a hand out to touch your shoulder. “Are you alright? Don’t tell me you can’t handle your liquor.”

You moved from his touch, as it felt like his fingers were going to burn through your skin and shook your head. “No I’m fine, I just need to stand outside. It’s getting warm here.” You stood up and made your way outside, it was like every single step you took this burning grew and traveled further south. You quickly made your way to the balustrade and leaned over it, gripping the glass tightly as you took deep breaths and downed everything in the glass. “What the fuck is going on?” You pressed your thighs together for some relief but it made the throbbing between your thighs worse. Your mind ran in circles trying to process what was going on with you but you couldn’t figure it out.

“Have you figured it out yet?” You looked over to find Gin standing extremely close to you, that damned smirk still on his face. “Have you figured out what’s going on with you yet or are you still clueless?” He lifted his hand and brought one finger up to drag it across your cheek and jaw, chuckling at the little whimper you let out. “Do you know what this burning sensation is coursing through your body? Do you know why your cunt is throbbing? Why you’re so sensitive to just the slightest touch?”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked at him and shook your head. “What did you do to me, Gin? What the fuck did you put in my drink?”

He laughed as he made his way over to the outdoor sofa and you whined at the loss of his touch. He took out his phone and put it down on the glass table in front of him and looked up at you. “Come and I’ll tell you.” He patted the spot next to him and your body moved instinctively to him and filled the empty cushion. He placed his hand on your thigh and looked you in the eye. “I only did what had to be done sweetheart, remember when I was with you in the elevator after our first meeting? What did I tell you?”

Your mind was growing fuzzy just feeling his touch again and you couldn’t remember a thing. “I’ll remind you, I always get what I want and I stop at no bounds to get it.” He moved closer to you and his eyes scanned your face. “Do you know how difficult it is to get dirt on someone who has a squeaky clean record? Not even your exes have anything bad to say about you, you’re too fucking clean. There’s nothing else I could’ve done but this.”

Your breath hitched as his hand traveled higher and he moved to your ear, “you’re also so fucking naive, didn’t anyone tell you to keep your eyes on your drink when it gets poured for you? It was so fucking easy to slip my special little powder in and give it to you. So sweetheart, what I gave you was an aphrodisiac and the only way to get rid of all this burning and throbbing is me. I’m your only solution.”

You backed away and shook your head while your body was screaming at you. The amused look on his face never lifted as you muttered how it was unethical and how much trouble he would get in for what he did. “Won’t show up in drug tests silly girl, so you could deny it all you want and shake your head but I am the only one who can help you. You just need to say the words sweetheart, all you need to say is ‘please Gin, please help me. Please fuck me.’ It’s not that difficult. You could try to masturbate but that fire won’t quell quickly, it’ll probably take you one maybe two days to really satisfy yourself and we have court in two days. What are you going to tell judge Fujimoto? ‘Sorry your honor but I need to make myself cum for the rest of the day, can we postpone closing arguments and move the date to the end of the week?’ Just repeat what I told you and I’ll help you, then you can be nice and chipper for court.”

This was against every ethical principle you had and you cursed yourself, how could you do something so stupid and let him slip that into your drink? You glanced at him and sucked in a breath, this was how he did it. This is how he always won his cases, that fucking snake.

“And don’t get me confused with a piece of shit that uses drugs to get what he wants, sweetheart, I don’t drug every lawyer I go against. Normally the other ambitious prosecutors had some dirt, bribed their way to get their license, were abusive to their spouse, had a crippling gambling addiction, just other shit I could use against them but you my dear, are the first and will be the only person I drug. Now, what do you say?”

You let out a sigh, he was right. You couldn’t explain this to anyone and there was no way anyone else in your office could execute a closing statement like you could, you needed this. Sad to say, you needed him. “Please Gin, please help me. Please fuck me.”

Just as the words left your lips he pounced on you, caging you beneath him as he captured your lips in his. His hands roamed all over your body until it reached the hem of your dress and he hiked it up to your hips so his hands could explore where you needed him most. You normally would’ve felt embarrassed with how wet you are but right now you just needed some form of relief, you needed Gin to help you. He slipped your panties to the side while his tongue explored your mouth and he pushed two fingers inside your soaked heat. You gasped against his lips and pressed your chest against his as you broke the kiss.

He kissed down your neck and bit down as he started to pump his fingers. Every drag of his fingers, every press of his lips against your neck, every gentle nibble against your neck, every suck on the sensitive skin on your neck, every brush of his thumb against your clit was heightened and was more pleasurable. “So fucking beautiful, every single time I’ve seen you sitting in the gallery you’ve caught my eye. Then finally seeing you in action, fuck it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen, even makes me feel a little bad for doing this.”

His murmurs against your neck became a second thought as the squelching of his fingers in your cunt grew louder as he sped up his motions. His thumb rubbed at your clit more furiously and his free hand groped and gripped your breasts through your dress. You wanted to feel him more, you wanted to feel him against your skin completely, you couldn’t even care about the cold air nipping at your skin. He slipped in a third finger and pressed them against your g spot as he thrusted them in. Your thighs shook and your body quivered while your moans grew louder.

“Gin! Gin fuck! I’m cumming!”

He continued pumping his fingers and pressed his lips against yours in a deep kiss that you could barely return as you couldn’t stop moaning his name. Once you stopped quivering around his digits he slipped them out and looked at them, the moonlight making them shine and he slipped them in his mouth, cleaning your cum off of them with a groan. “I think you might just be an aphrodisiac yourself.” He leaned down and gripped your cheeks so you could open your mouth and he spit on your tongue, the action mixed with the effects of the drug turning you on to no end.

You looked down at the bulge in his pants and licked your lips, just from the bulge you could see how thick and big his cock was. “Please fuck me Gin, I need your cock. I need you to fuck me.” You sat up a bit to undo his pants and he gently pushed you on your back and shook his head. “No no sweetheart, I’ll do all the work. By the time these drugs wear off I want the association between me and pleasure to be imprinted in your mind. I want you to look at me and press your thighs together subconsciously, got it?”

You nodded at his words and your attention quickly shifted from his eyes to his hands as they undid his pants and pulled his cock out. Your eyes widened at the sight, it was thick and long and the angry red tip was leaking precum. “Blink a little sweetheart, don’t tell me this is the biggest cock you’ve ever seen.” You bit your lip and spread your legs more, opting not to say anything since he already knew the truth. He spit on his cock and stroked his cock to lather his spit on it and he moved closer so he could drag his cock through your puffy folds. Up and down and each time he dragged his cock up, the tip of his cock brushed against your clit, making you whine and mewl.

“Please Gin, I’m wet enough. Just stop teasing me and just fuck me!” He chuckled, muttering something about your lack of patience before pushing his cock through your folds, splitting you in half on his cock. He continued pushing his cock inside you while getting a firm grip on your hips and one his grip was firm enough he slammed the rest of his cock inside you. “Fuck you’re tight! Like you’ve never been fucked before or is it that you haven’t been fucked properly yet? Don’t worry about answering sweetheart, just focus on how good I’m making you feel.”

He dug his fingers into the soft skin of your hips while he thrusted into you hard and fast, your slick soaking his cock, balls and thighs. The wet slapping of skin filled the air along with your whines and moans of his name. “So good Gin, so fucking good don’t stop.” He picked up the pace of his hips and moved one hand to slide your dress higher so your breasts could be exposed to him, so he could watch how they bounced and jiggled with each of his hard thrusts.

They looked perfect, your nipples were perked up because of the cold wind and how turned on you were. He toyed and teased your nipples as the tip of his cock pressed against your g spot, hitting the spongy spot repeatedly as his thrusts grew even faster and harder. Your back arched into his touch and your eyes shut due to all of the overwhelming pleasure. “Please don’t stop Gin, please please please!” You lifted your hands to grip his arms and ground yourself as your second orgasm of the night quickly approached. Seeing you like this was a complete shift from how you normally carried yourself, normally you were so composed and stoic and now you were a complete mess, whining and whimpering as tears and saliva coated your face.

He brought his hand back down from your breasts and to your clit, rubbing it quickly in time with his thrusts and he leaned down to bite down on one of your nipples, sending you head first into your second orgasm. You cried out his name loudly and he continued thrusting you through your orgasm. He latched off of your nipple and looked up at you, “where do you want my cum sweetheart?” His hips didn’t stop as you thought of your answer.

“Inside me Gin, please cum inside me.” He thrusted a few more times and came deep inside you, his thick seed filling you up. He slowed his hips as the last drops of his cum filled you up and he slowly pulled out of you. His cock throbbed at the sight of his cum seeping out of you, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. You whined and bucked your hips as you felt the throbbing intensify.

“I need more Gin, I need more of you. Please Gin I need you, I need you so badly, please fuck me more please!” He stood and fixed his pants so they were back on his hips and he chuckled at the way your eyes widened. “Don’t worry I’m not gonna stop until that ache is gone, I just want to take you inside, don’t want you getting sick.” He took his phone and leaned down to pick you up and walked with you inside as you clung to him. “I’ll fuck you in every room and on every fucking surface. You want that?” You nodded and held onto him even tighter as he walked with you into his bedroom. He dropped you on his Alaskan king bed and you quickly glanced around to see the lights were dimmed and turned your attention back to him.

You sat up on your knees and took off your dress while he set his phone down and you pulled him over to you, making quick work of undoing the buttons of his shirt and quickly moving to his pants and briefs. “Don’t be in such a rush sweetheart, you’ll get cock.” He shrugged off the rest of his clothes and laid you back down on the bed while he slotted himself between your legs. He hooked his hands under the backs of your knees and pressed your knees to your chest before plunging his cock inside you, the action making the both of you moan and roll your heads back. His grip tightened on your legs while he started thrusting. “Fuck I think I’m even deeper now, look at you, taking me so fucking deep.”

Your eyes rolled back with each of his thrusts and fucked out babbles left your lips. “Don’t stop fucking me Gin, need your cock inside me all the time don’t fucking stop! I want your cum to leak out of me for days, please Gin fuck.”

He was eating up every second of your fucked out state, it was a shame that it did have to end at some point but with what he had planned for you, you’d be in the same position very soon. He gripped your legs tighter at each of your pleas and his heavy balls slammed against your ass with each of his thrusts. Your hands wrapped around his neck and pulled him in closer so he could kiss you again, it was like you were getting addicted to his lips and touch in this state. He kissed you deeply and his tongue explored your mouth while the tip of his cock pounded your sensitive spot over and over again.

It didn’t take long for the knot in the pit of your stomach to tighten again and signaled that your third orgasm of the night was going to approach. Your fingers gripped his hair and tugged on the silver stands as you feverishly kissed him back. “Gonna cum again Gin please don’t stop!” Your legs shook in his hold and tightened as the knot in your stomach snapped. You moaned his name against his lips and tugged on his hair harder, making him hiss and his cock twitch. He continued fucking you through your orgasm, feeling your juices gush out and soak his skin more. He groaned against your lips and felt his own orgasm approach quickly.

He continued pumping his hips against yours and stilled them as the first rope of cum spilled out, “fuck fuck take it all sweetheart, take all my fucking cum. It’s all for you, all of my fucking cum is for you.” He rocked his hips against yours and bit your bottom lip, slowly tugging it as he pulled back and pulled out of you. He quickly moved to look at how his second load leaked out of you and groaned at the sight. You bit your lip and whimpered as he stared and you shifted a bit so you could sit up and look at him. Your cunt was still throbbing and the fire in the pit of your stomach was still burning.

“Gin I need more, I need more of your cock. It hurts Gin.” He leaned back against his bed and beckoned you closer. “Then come here sweetheart, ride my cock and take all the cum you need. I’ll fuck you all night long until it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

He was the one that put you in this state but right now he was your savior. He was the only one that could provide you relief and you were going to use him as much as you needed to.

You two spent the rest of the night fucking, fucking on every surface of the penthouse apartment he could get you on and it was all in a lust filled haze. You don’t even remember when you fell asleep but when you finally came to your senses you were in his bed, his soft velvet blanket covering you. You rubbed your eyes and sat up slowly, wincing at the throbbing pain between your thighs. You hoped it might’ve been a very vivid sex dream but as you heard footsteps enter the room, you were met with the reality of the situation.

“Hello sleeping beauty, it’s 3 in the afternoon so I wasn’t sure if you wanted breakfast or something for lunch so I just made what I felt was necessary. You need to eat up, we had a very active night last night.” He was shirtless and you felt your cheeks burn as you saw all the marks that littered his body, all the scratch marks, the hickeys and everything that reminded you of the events that happened last night. He set the tray of food down and laid down next to you, pulling you in and pressing a kiss on the crown of your head.

You felt sick to your stomach. How could he act so normal after everything that just happened? You moved from his grip, wincing again as the slight tinge of pain coursed through your body. “What do you want, Gin? If you wanted to just fuck me then you didn’t have to slip something into my drink, you could’ve just waited for after trial.” You glared at him as the smirk grew on his face.

“Wow, no thank you or anything. Well, since you want to get straight to business I’ll tell you” he leaned in close and gripped your chin between his index finger and thumb, tilting your head up. “I want you to accept the plea deal I’m about to offer you. 50 years in a medium security prison with a minimum of 10 to 25 years on good behavior.”

You moved from his grip and pushed his hand away. “No! Are you insane? There’s no way in hell I’ll make a deal like that.”

He sighed and reached over to his nightstand to grab his phone. “I figured you were going to say that, so predictable, good thing I have my little insurance plan.” He scrolled through and turned the phone to you, showing you what was on the screen right before he pressed play. It was you from last night while he fucked you, your face was right in perfect view and the fucked out babbles you made were blaring through the speaker. “Would be a real shame if judge Fujimoto and your boss saw this, not only would you lose the case but you’d lose your job. I’d hate to see that happen to you but I could always offer you a job at my office. The thing is that no one would take you seriously when you’re in the courtroom and that would be a waste of your license to practice. So, have a change of mind?”

Tears brimmed your eyes as you watched the video, it was disgusting that he would put you in this position. Still you needed to play his game and play by his rules. “Fine, I’ll make the deal and it’ll be ready by tomorrow.”

He pressed his lips to yours in a soft kiss and put his phone away. “Good girl, now eat up.” He stood by your side the rest of the day until you were ready to head back home and write up the deal. He escorted you to your car and pressed a kiss to your temple. “Drive safe, pretty girl, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He waved you off and you were left with your thoughts and soreness between your thighs and that’s when it all hit you. There was no way that after tomorrow he would leave you alone, he had that video and probably much more of the events that had transpired. He was going to use you as a pawn in his game of chess and your fate was sealed.

Once you got home you wrote up the deal, showered and then went to bed, not like you actually slept since you spent the entire night tossing and turning. When your alarm went off in the morning you got dressed and made your way to the office to tell your boss the news. Surprisingly he took it fine, he had no doubt in your abilities and knew that the families of the victims just wanted Sosuke in jail, no matter how long that time would be. Then you made your way to court, once inside the courtroom you felt your stomach turn into knots when you saw Gin and Sosuke and winced when Gin winked your way.

“Okay Mr. Ichimaru informed me that there was a deal on the table?”

You nodded and stood up, glancing over at Gin and watched his finger tap his phone as a silent warning to you. “Yes, the deal is 50 years in a medium security prison with a minimum of 10 to 25 years if the defendant is on good behavior.” Judge Fujimoto nodded and wrote it down in his notes.

“Sounds good to me. Mr. Ichimaru, since you and your client accepted just know it would be difficult for an appeal and if that’s all then court is dismissed.” He banged his gavel and stood, you gathered your things while Sosuke was escorted out by the court officers. You took a deep breath and left the courtroom, giving small smiles and hugs to the grieving family members of his victims and then walked out to your car. Just as you fished your keys out of your pocket you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“Leaving so quickly sweetheart? You didn’t even let me congratulate you properly, this is technically my first loss since my client is going to prison.” He chuckled and moved in front of you, “but, I wouldn’t have wanted to lose to anyone but you. So, how about we celebrate? I’ll order some takeout and you can come over at around 8? And bring some clothes with you since you’ll be spending more nights at my place from here on out.”

You nodded and looked up at him, “I’ll be there at 8 Gin, and if that is all then I’ll see you later.”

“Ah, never leave without a goodbye kiss sweetheart.” He cupped your cheek with one hand and kissed you softly before pulling away and headed to his car. You got inside yours and drove back to your office, cursing yourself the entire way there.

If only you weren’t so curious to find out the tricks of his trade. But it’s like they always say, hindsight is always 20/20.

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[austajunk]

Okay. I’m feeling crappy today. So, why not! Let’s talk about TeruTeru Hanamura.

I wanna talk about how well TeruTeru is written and how much I genuinely like him as a balanced character.

And you know, I never really noticed just HOW MUCH I really appreciated TeruTeru in his initial role in the second game of Danganronpa. In my first playthrough, I really was expecting a horrible pervert character that every anime has… and he was! But he was more than that on the immediate surface to me when he offers to run everyone down with oil on the beach in the prologue and Nekomaru chimes in that he would be grateful for it. To which, I was honestly expecting TeruTeru to react with disgust but he joyfully thinks it over and then says “Yeah sure, I’ll give it a go.”

You have to understand. That’s the funniest shit to me. I laughed for a good three minutes at that and made jokes. Like… I related to an actual anime pervert for his curious and dirty nature. I can’t help it.

That being said, is TeruTeru a terrible person? *shrugs* Yup. The guy is a sex monster and reprehensible. I do not approve.

But that never meant I couldn’t like him or that I couldn’t find him amusing or look past that to see some of the other depths of his character. And you know what? TeruTeru is kinda bursting with character.

On the one hand, he’s an utter pervert and constantly sticks his foot in his mouth, creeping out men and women alike even to the point that Kazuichi the renowned Simp can’t help but to feel embarrassed that he talks like that. He’s genuinely cheerful and takes so much pride in his food. Like… so much pride.

“Yummy? Put it this way. My cooking would make dishes that are simply said to be yummy taste like utter shit.”

However, on the other hand, it’s clear that his poor background really do show in his bigger insecurities. He insists and boasts that he’s fancy, that he should be called a chef instead of a cook, quickly proclaims that he’s from fancier neighborhoods. But he’ll also say that great food should never be kept from poor people and on the side, he’s constantly stressed out about a mother at home who’s probably the only one who believed in his abilities and dreams.

You see, the true redeeming feature in TeruTeru is that he’s emotional to his core. He’s scared, but proud so he retreats inward to try and keep things together. His mutters of denial when he finds out his memories have been messed with are easily missable by the audience and the rest of the cast because they’re seemingly played for laughs. But on the inside, he was tearing himself apart to try and find a way to get home and return to his mother. It’s similar to Sayaka’s horrific realization of the first chapter in DR1. “What happened to my home? What happened to my family? And what will happen to me?”

My friend really put this well. The class trials are amazing because it stars two people. Usually the victim and their killer. It puts them onstage. The Imposter takes a secondary seat in the first trial until a bit of the end and for his big reveal in the fifth chapter as to being an Imposter, so our actual two big stars of Class Trial One are Nagito and TeruTeru. Namely the way Nagito tormented a very flawed human being like TeruTeru into becoming a murderer.

And it’s honestly such a good introduction to the game. While Nagito does steal the spotlight, I think people forget TeruTeru’s moral complication and his contribution to this ending. Because on all ends, TeruTeru did bad. He did so very wrong. He lost himself and in the moment, gave in to murder. And he thinks of every way in the book to rationalize it as well.

“I had to stop Nagito.” No. You could have told your classmates what he would do. TeruTeru took advantage of the situation Nagito created. It would have been nice if Nagito was the victim but everyone else would still have died.

“It was an accident.” That can’t fly either. Everything he did, he did on his own with telling no one and still went through the trial not trying to get caught.

And then he explains his situation. How he was so desperate to leave and get off the island. And that situation is dire. It’s something he had to bear alone, isolated, drowning in the fear of not knowing what had happened to his entire life.

“I’m sorry, you guys… I think I’m the one who went a little crazy in the end…”

My heart utterly broke when I heard that. It’s so emotional. So quiet. So accepting before he screams.

His motive of denial and loss is what drives the first trial. He becomes a victim and a killer.

I don’t thing TeruTeru was ever meant to be a likable character. I don’t. I’m fully confident Kodaka (especially after the reaction to Hifumi) knee people would dislike him and would bank on the same people despising him all throughout his trial before he got his flashes of true humanity and empathy.

And we’re left with the truth honestly.

TeruTeru Hanamura is a horrible person, but a person nonetheless. One who loves, cares, and feels very deeply about what he cares about. And even while he may be horrible, he never deserved that or what Nagito and the Killing Game did to him.

And that’s fucking brilliant writing.

[introvertguide]

Abuse of Children Portrayed in Film

I like to use movies as an escape from the harshness of the real world and one of the things that I have learned about in my education is the effects on children when they are mistreated. I have a Masters Degree in Developmental Psychology and one of the hardest classes for me to handle was Abnormal Development in Children and Adolescents. We covered everything from dealing with dyslexia and ADHD to surviving severe abuse and loss at a very early age. We had guest speakers that ranged from people who had escaped genocide as children, to individuals who had been sold into prostitution by their parents, to people who had suffered severe abuse from their parents or guardian. I have heard stories that will stick with me forever and that is nightmare fuel that I don't want to share.

Because of my background education, I take note of the treatment and behavior of children and adolescents in the movies that I watch. There have been many great movies over the years that have depicted the suffering of children and it has always been difficult for me to deal with. There are more well known examples of films that focus on suffering but throw in more of a "sometimes we all suffer, even the children" message that demonstrate that kids aren't immune to great travesties (basically any film about The Holocaust). There are also well known films that show children "coming of age" through hardship (Annie 1982, Oliver! 1968) but end perfectly. There is a more current series of films that focuses entirely on a boy discovering a fantasy world that was robbed from him when his parents were murdered by a tyrant (Harry Potter series). But in this list I want to review some lesser known films that show examples of abuse. Even after all that I have seen and heard, the following list of films have affected me personally for one reason or another. Sometimes the children in these films endure and overcome their situation in the end. Sometimes these children do not survive or sadly remain in their misfortunes. To me, this can make the movie all the more powerful because of the incredible amount of pathos that endangering a child character can add. It can also make it a heart wrenching experience that is painful to watch. Here are some powerful films in which children suffer and the struggle is one of the main plot lines of the movie:

SPOILER WARNING AND VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISORY!!! I AM GOING TO GIVE AWAY THE PLOT TO THESE FILMS AND IT SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING THAT SOME OF THE PLOTS ARE DISTURBING!!! EITHER WATCH THE FILM IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS OR CHECK OUT THE FOLLOWING SUMMARIES IF YOU WOULD RATHER JUST HEAR WHAT HAPPENS SO YOU KNOW IF YOU WANT TO WATCH OR NOT!!!

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Sybil (TV Movie) 1976

I just recently saw this film after I had heard of the story in my abnormal development class almost 10 years ago. It is the story of a woman who developed multiple personalities to deal with a childhood in the care of an undiagnosed schizophrenic mother. The movie stars Sally Fields and is based on a true account of Shirley Ardell Mason and her treatment by psychologist Cornelia Wilbur. The acting in the film is overdramatic at times, but it definitely reminded me of some of the actual old videos of Shirley Mason and her sudden strange switches in personality when she was scared or anxious. Dr. Wilbur used hypnosis to actually introduce Mason to her alternate personalities and she was able to recognize her disassociative identity disorder and overcome it. It still hurts me to think that this person was mentally wounded so deeply by her parents that it basically shattered her into pieces in an effort to make sense of things.

Leon: The Professional 1994

I mention this film a lot because it is a heartwarming story of an assassin teaching a young orphan how to murder. It is the breakout role for Natalie Portman and it is just amazing. Leon is a "cleaner" that lives next door to an abusive and addictive family with a troubled girl named Mathilda. The father gets in trouble with the mob and some enforcers come by and slaughter most of the family while Mathilda is getting groceries. She returns during the massacre and realizes what is happening so continues next door and pleads for shelter. Leon takes her in and teachers her the trade and protects her from the men who want to finish her off. The movie was written and directed by Luc Besson and stars Jean Reno, Gary Oldman, and Natalie Portman. The suffering that this girl endures because of her parent's addictions hurts me, yet I have seen and enjoyed this film many times. I recommend watching when in the mood to be deeply affected by the trials of a little girl and the killer who protected her.

Kids 1995

This film came out when I was early in high school and bothered me greatly. It is a story by Harmony Korine, and one of his many attempts to capture the hopeless lives of unmotivated and unsupervised teens. These are young teens having unprotected sex, stealing money to do drugs, and attacking people in the park. I did not really go to these kinds of parties when I was that age (or ever really) and it has bothered me to think that adolescents would partake in this kind of behavior. It is hard for me to believe that these kids had the ability to mentally comprehend the consequences of their actions and some of the characters end up contracting HIV from each other. I would not recommend the film because it is a depressing day in the life that no youth should have.

Gummo 1997

I would not call this a good movie and I wouldn't really recommend it. It is another work by Harmony Korine and really details the depravity that can occur with unsupervised youths living in low socio-economic conditions. This movie is just depressing and motivated me to find something to motivate me into action. I got into both psychology and teaching, which has served me well for the past 20 years. It was this film that showed me how low the bar for quality of life could be, and I guess for that I am thankful. However, I still wouldn't recommend it.

Happiness 1998

This movie I didn't see right away but noticed it at the video store on many occasions. I final watched it when I was about 25 on the recommendation of a friend and one particular storyline greatly disturbed me. It is basically the story of 3 sisters that feel they should be happy and project a face of happiness, yet they are miserable and have horrible lives. One sister in particular is married to a psychiatrist who turns out to be a pedophile that rapes the friends of his young son. At one point rather early on in the movie, this man confesses to his son that he raped the boy's friends and that he would do it again. The son is so confused that he asks his father why he never raped him. It is so disturbing to me because I know the boys that were assaulted will be forever damaged and this boy who was not actually raped will be mentally scarred as well. The fact that there are people in the world that would harm children that way, recognize what they had done, and then know they didn't have the self control to stop themselves from doing it again is horrifying to me.

Lilya 4-Ever 2002

This film is deeply disturbing and I highly recommend never watching it. I will spoil it for you now so you never have to see it if you don't want. A 16-year-old girl named Lilya lives with her mother. The mom gets a boyfriend and the couple move to America and abandons Lilya with a neglectful aunt. The aunt movies into the old apartment of her sister and Lilya is forced to move out and become a prostitute to make money. A boy comes along and convinces her to move to Sweden to escape her life. When they arrive, this boy sells her to a pimp and she becomes a teenage sex slave. She almost escapes, but is then captured and beaten almost to death. She escapes again and this time commits suicide so she won't be recaptured. This movie is awful and changed my mind about giving every film a chance. I wish I could forget this film, but I can't. Perhaps it is just not for me, but this film presentation is definitely an experience that you won't soon forget.

The Kite Runner 2007

I read this book in my twenties and saw the film in my thirties and both affected me greatly. A well-to-do boy and his friend are in a kite battle competition and the friend is beaten and raped when he goes to retrieve a fallen kite. The well-to-do boy denies knowing what happened to his friend (he does know) and basically shames and abandons him. This action haunts the well-to-do boy for the rest of his life. How the boy who was raped is basically falling prey to blaming the victim is heartbreaking, and the lifetime of guilt of the other boy is pitiable. Neither boy was the actual attacker yet they both were the ones that suffered.

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There are many other examples of movies along these lines and could be found if you feel like suffering. I can't say that I would recommend them because they are very difficult to watch. Beyond just dealing with the content, it is rare to find child actors who can actually portray somebody who has truly suffered. The mix of bad acting and a depressing plot can make for a terrible movie going experience. The genre of movie involving suffering does exist, though, and it could be enjoyed (?) by some. Just not generally by me.

[shirophantomvox]

Analyzing Killua Zoldyck's Character

Illumi Analysis| Hisoka Analysis| Chrollo Anaysis|

What’s up y’all?! I’ve had at least 2 cups of coffee this morning and I am ready to write my butt off! This post will be about Killua Zoldyck, my second favorite character and you will know why by the end. If you’d like me to write about your favorite character, Be sure to send me a message and I will get on it ASAP.

Here we go!

I saw Killua for the first time on Tumblr. Someone created various icons for several anime characters and edited them. They were all aesthetically pleasing but for some reason, his picture stood out. Now that I look harder, it is because he was holding a Pepsi can instead of the off-brand one they drew for him in the cartoon. I noticed everyone on TikTok and Twitter had the very same icon as their profile picture (usually those that like to troll and say racist things to others). Once I started watching Hunter x Hunter, I realized the character immediately. Thank you for your edits!

Killua Zoldyck is the youngest child in the family and is the only child that developed a mind for his own.

Instead of taking the pleasure of killing, he runs/avoids and achieves this by becoming friends with Gon. It’s interesting to think that no one in the Zoldyck family wants to kill for fun except for Illumi.

I remember Zeno telling Chrollo: “Do you think I enjoy killing?”.

This makes me think that the family’s job is to destroy enemies that are a threat to society. Are the Zoldyck’s taking on the role of cops or an extension of such? If that statement is true why does Illumi take pleasure in abusing his power when his own grandfather only does it when criminals are involved? Granted, Silva and Zeno’s reasoning for brutally fighting criminals isn’t legal, and (to me) are considered to be vigilantes, at least they don’t go around doing the horrible things like how Illumi and Hisoka do.

This very reason why Killua ran away from home. He decided to rebel against his mother and implied: “Fuck you. I’m going to do what I want.” Killua and his siblings are victims of child abuse and show that they deal with that abuse in different ways. Killua masks his abilities in public and tries to keep them under control, Kalluto seems to be very quiet and obedient, Milluki is just as abusive as Illumi, and we already know about Illumi. Milluki is physically abusive; this can be seen when he is whipping Killua for running away and threatens to destroy Gon, Kurapika, and Leorio while Illumi plays mind games on Killua and uses his Nen to do the trick.

Killua’s character is very special and in a way takes the lead as the main character instead of Gon. I don’t know if that was intentional or not. Killua is a 12-year-old boy who leaves home to escape his abusive home and see the world for his own. During phase 1 of Hunter’s Exam, he instantly clicks with Gon; probably because he’s the only 12-year-old there. They constantly challenge each other to see who will win and who will buy dinner or some other reward. Because of his abusive home, Killua often masks his feelings. This is noticeable every time Gon talks about him being his best friend and he always reacts as if he’s embarrassed by it.

Gon is his shield from going bat-shit crazy like his family. They both have faced opponents (like Hisoka and others) where Killua could have unleashed his assassin abilities but didn’t. Yes, some of the opponents are stronger than him, but it wouldn’t hurt to try.

Killua is the best friend Gon could ever have. Since he knows about aura and any supernatural abilities, this is why he stops Gon and even insults him for pushing himself too far. Killua stopped Gon from using too much aura in the past especially once Kite’s arm was cut off by Pitou. Because Killua wasn’t there to stop him when fighting Pitou, this resulted in Gon’s downfall. Did Killua believe it was his fault that Gon almost died? He isn’t responsible for Gon’s actions but he focused so much on running away from his “demons” and masking his temper by maintaining his friendship that he wasn’t paying attention to Gon’s noticeable and developing temper.

Killua Zoldyck is a child that suffered from abuse and to escape that reality, he runs away, takes Hunter’s Exam only to match with his brother, chooses defeat, and then kills an opponent, not of his own free will.

But wait, there’s more.

After being rescued from his prison of a home, he goes to Heaven’s Arena, met Zushi and his teacher, develop Nen, follows the Phantom Troupe around and somehow managed to survive that, meet Bisky, join a game to get closer to Ging, witnesses Gon disappearing, trying to form a relationship with Alluka, and then tries to heal Gon with a quickness.

Whew, chile!

At the beginning of the show, it appeared as if Killua was taking on too much and only did so to keep his mind off what he escaped from.

One thing to point out is Killua’s motivation to heal Gon no matter what. It is implied that he doesn’t care what will happen to him or anyone else as long as Gon can live again.

Wait.

Isn’t that along the lines of what Gon said about getting revenge for Kite? He didn’t care about what happened to him? Hmmmm. I guess they’re very similar after all!

Killua and Gon are BFFs and will do anything for each other. Friendships in real life should be this way; let’s follow his fictional example.

Face

Killua’s face is the typical shape for someone his age. His eyes are wide, as blue as the morning sky, and honestly, I wish he’d smile more. Even though he is 12 years old, he still has a babyface.

Hair

Killua’s hair color is very similar to Princess Allura’s and Lotor’s. According to verywellmind.com, the color white represents innocence and purity. Ironically, Lotor and Killua are the opposite of that while Allura has maintained her innocence. Killua’s unique hair color and hairstyle are amazing! I love how it stays in shape while he is fighting or running.

Clothes

Regarding clothes, he is JUST like his brother. Again, Illumi irks me, but they both have a great taste in fashion. Through the show, Killua changes his clothes more than Gon, which is funny. I guess if Gon changed his clothes too much it would take away from his character. Killua’s default style contains a sleeveless white shirt with a purple one underneath, basketball shorts, and gym shoes. Just look at these outfit changes! This is why Killua is my 2nd favorite character in this show.

Behavior

As stated before, Killua cares more about others. This is ironic because the Zoldyck family only cares about themselves or their family while Killua feels the complete opposite. It’s almost as if he trusts strangers more than his own family. A common phrase: “She/He turned to the streets” that I’ve heard in my hometown can be applied here. Killua probably hates his family and turned to strangers to find love and comfort since they neglected that. He is also the only one that tries to develop a relationship with Alluka. At first, I thought “Wow he’s only developing a relationship with her to heal Gon” but then I realized it was bigger than that. Alluka has been separated from her family because of her dangerous abilities. She will demand something and if that person doesn’t fulfill her demands, they will suffer horribly. Killua learns that Alluka has a healing ability and while Illumi complains that Killua was hiding rules from him, he never took the chance to talk to him about it and continued to threaten Alluka. The family “banished” her to a confined room for who knows how long because, apparently, she had been possessed by a demon from the Dark Continent and they do not know when it happened. Despite knowing that Killua could parish with the rest, he still develops a relationship with her. He is the true example of excepting someone for who they are. As far as I’m concerned, running away was the best decision he made. It saved his life and in return, he’s going to save another. I do find it ironic that something considered to be so dark has the power to bring something back to life when usually it’s something bright like a light...interesting. You all know what I’m saying. Most television shows only portray angles to heal others while demons only seek to destroy. The Zoldyck family is wrong for pushing Alluka away. How could you do that to your own kid? Shit, you should be blaming yourself for not watching her and allowing the demon to posses her.

In conclusion, Killua is my second favorite character. He is bold, loves his friends, and isn’t afraid (anymore) to step up to people he may not win against. His character has blossomed from a young boy afraid to step up to his brother to a boy who isn’t afraid to do so. He has learned about Nen and has gone through many trials and tribulations just to say he is much stronger than before. What characters would you like to hear about next? Send me a DM!

Fin.

[iamthenightcolormeblack]

Impressions of Wilde (1997)

I really liked this movie and I'm sure you will too! It's a great introduction to Oscar Wilde (who he was, a glimpse into his personal life, and why he remains relevant and incredibly charming) and also a celebration of homosexuality.

1. Overview:

The movie doesn’t tell the whole story of Oscar Wilde's life. It covers the 1880s, his rise to fame and sudden fall, and ends shortly after his 1897 prison release. Some Oscar Wilde fans were disappointed because they wanted to see the early parts of his life (how he got his inspiration and crafted his aesthete persona).

The costumes and sets are absolutely gorgeous and transport you back to the late Victorian era; lots of deep red fabric curtains, detailed mahogany wood furnishings, intricate paintings, and lavish costumes.

The lead actors are amazing and they resemble the real people almost exactly.

2. Casting:

Stephen Fry as Oscar Wilde. One could say he IS Oscar Wilde reincarnated; he looks almost exactly like Wilde. Most importantly he perfectly combines Wilde's charm and intelligence. The film also tries to show Wilde as a father and married man in addition to the "gay fop" identity that he's usually placed in. As much as he mocks society, he's kind and loving (still cares about Bosie even though it's obvious at times that Bosie doesn't deserve his kindness).

Jude Law as Lord Alfred "Bosie" Douglas, Wilde's lover. I must say that Bosie definitely reminds me of Dorian Gray because he's blond, beautiful, and selfish. He throws lots of temper tantrums and reminds me of a teenage boy trying in vain to rebel against his father, the Marquess of Queensbury (Wilde's enemy who plays a big part in his downfall). He does seem to care for/love Wilde, but is still selfish in that his first concern is himself.

Jennifer Ehle as Constance Wilde. You may know her as Elizabeth Bennet from the 1995 BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. Film Constance is quite intelligent and unconditionally supportive of Oscar Wilde.

3. Scene Recaps:

The film begins quite unusually in the Wild West (no greater contrast between the gritty Colorado mining town and the elegant parlors of London). Wilde makes his entrance in a fancy fur coat, dressed to kill. He successfully entertains the miners with a story about an artist.

Back to London; Wilde was in Colorado on his North American lecture tour. At a party he meets Constance and marries her "because all artists need an audience." Quite an interesting quote because there's this general conception that artists are isolated people who need to get away from society to produce their best works, when in actuality they need others to appreciate their works. Constance is a good match for Wilde because she's intelligent and constantly (coincides with the name) supports him even though he cheats on her with his gay buddies.

We are then treated to a lovely scene where he walks through a crowd of lawyers (marking him as a nonconformist).

Robbie Ross, one of Wilde's best friends, introduces him to gay sex.

���Dinner with lord and lady Asquith” = code language for a fling.

Then he meets John Gray, a handsome bohemian played by Ioan Gruffud, a pretty guy with long hair, and has another fling with him. Gray brings up the idea of art as a means of capturing the soul (inspiration for The Picture of Dorian Gray, which brings scandal to the Wilde family).

Oscar Wilde has 2 boys with Constance. He loves his family and cares about the wife but he’s always away in London working on his plays/stories or having flings with his gay buddies.

I really liked how the film used Oscar Wilde's children's story The Selfish Giant as a metaphor for his relationship with his family. His success isolates him from his family; he's often away and doesn't visit often, much like the giant hides behind a wall.

He meets Bosie at the premiere of the play Lady Windermere’s Fan (not historically accurate). Bosie says something smart to flatter Wilde, summing up what Wilde did in his work: using wit to mock and amuse people simultaneously.

Bosie is a beautiful, selfish rich boy and wants Wilde for his own entertainment. He has some affection for OW but loves himself first; Wilde's friends and Robbie Ross are concerned for him. Wilde and Bosie have a passionate, open relationship. At times Bosie has sex with other men while Wilde watches.

They dine together without a concern for others’ opinion (another of my favorite scenes from the movie).

Wilde genuinely loves Bosie and sees him as the victim of bad parenting (what a pity, since it's unclear at times whether Bosie loves Wilde).

Eventually because of his relationship with Bosie, Wilde makes a powerful enemy in Bosie's father, the Marquess of Queensbury. Queensbury attempts to insult Wilde several times before sending him a card accusing Wilde of being a sodomite. Wilde sues for libel and that precipitates his downfall, as all the details of his personal life are revealed.

In the trial, Wilde tries to explain "the love that has no name" and is convicted. Then follows a heartbreaking scene where he tries to maintain his composure while being haggled and booed at by spectators, while his friends can only watch in silence.

Bosie swears to Wilde that he loves him, but while Wilde languishes in jail, he complains that the imprisonment affects him most as he's suffering (what a selfish person).

I have ambivalent feelings about the “happy” ending where Oscar Wilde is reunited with Bosie. As much as I like happy endings in LGBTQ+ movies (because that doesn't often happen), Bosie clearly isn't a very good person and maybe would have been bored with Wilde and left him.

4. Some things not included in the movie:

The film doesn't include the fact that Oscar Wilde slept with teenage boys and male prostitutes. The flings seemed to be consensual but some of the sexual partners were underage.

Constance is advised to change her last name to save her social reputation, but the film doesn't show that she actually did (changed it to Holland).

The last part of the film (the trial to the ending) merely serves to remind us that Wilde was courageous for being a nonconformist in a stifling society. They don't really show what happens to Wilde after his imprisonment with the exception of the reunion with Bosie.

Conclusion:

Definitely watch this movie if you haven't already; it's an excellent introduction to Oscar Wilde, or if you're a Wilde fan, it will be great entertainment.

I was going to write some more intelligent things about this movie but I just started college and I didn't get around to finishing this little post until a few weeks after I watched the movie (so I've forgotten some stuff in it/my other thoughts about it).

[omgrachwrites]

The Princess and The Duke - Chapter Twenty

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Summary: As the Princess of Spain, you were always supposed to marry King James of England to make an alliance between Spain and England. When he marries a woman at his court for love, you are married off to his best friend, Sirius Black the Duke of Bedford to keep the alliance. However, the court is riddled with secrets and a rebel in the North starts to rise against the Throne. Royal AU.

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, character death, tiny bit of fluff.

Words: 2671

Disclaimer: This gif doesn’t belong to me, and I’m sorry for the gif I used!

A/N: So here we are at the end! Thank you so much for supporting me with this fic and I'm sorry for this chapter, I kept James and Lily alive to make this part even more sad! This was actually going to end in such an angst filled way but I didn’t want to do that to you guys, though I might write the alternate ending at some point! Hope you guys all enjoy and please let me know what you think! I love you all! xxx

Chapter Twenty - Wherever You Are

Dread coiled in your stomach that fateful morning as you got yourself dressed and pinned your hair. Reggie was sleeping soundly, letting out little snuffles but still, you picked him up and nuzzled your nose into his fine dark hair as you felt the tears build up behind your eyes. You weren’t aware that you could possibly cry as much as you had done, there were little red rashes beneath your eyes where the salt from your tears had irritated your skin. Your heart seemed to be in a constant state of pain as your husband awaited his trial.

This trial should not be even happening, you were appalled at how James had arrested Sirius for treason, “we’ll be alright, little one,” you whispered to your baby boy, “papa isn’t a traitor, he’s a good man,” you pressed a kiss to Reggie’s little forehead.

James was originally going to hold Sirius’ trial the day after Halloween, but Lily had convinced him otherwise, Lily knew that you wanted nothing more than to be at Sirius’ side. So, the King relented and allowed a few days for you to recover after giving birth to Reggie. Unfortunately, it meant that Sirius would have to spend more time locked in the tower but you knew that Sirius understood.

“Y/N?” a soft warm voice came from the doorway and you looked over with blurred vision to see Andromeda who was smiling at you kindly, “I think the King and Queen are ready to start, I’ll look after the children, because they shouldn’t have to be subjected to such an event.”

You nodded with a sniffle as you placed Reggie into her open, waiting arms, “thank you so much. Are you not coming to the trial?” you muttered, feeling like a shell of yourself.

Andromeda shook her head with a sad smile, “I can’t watch that happen to him, I can’t. He’s not just my cousin, he’s my best friend. I’m so sorry that I can’t be there for you both; I know that he’s not the traitor, he would never betray us. Never. I don’t know what James is thinking having him arrested.”

“You are so amazing, Andromeda, we are so blessed to have you in our lives and we appreciate you so much,” you tried to smile but you feared that it came out as more of a grimace.

Andromeda leaned forward to kiss your cheek with a sweet sad smile, “whatever happens today, it’s been an honour to serve two people who are completely made for each other, two people who are soulmates. Good luck.”

You felt tears sliding down your cheeks, stinging at your sensitive skin, you adored Andromeda, you couldn’t have got by without her, “let’s just hope that the King sees sense and does the right thing. He must know that his best friend could never do this to him, he just wants someone to blame, he sees enemies where there are friends, and it’ll be his undoing,” you mumbled with a tight smile as you departed from your chambers.

You would never admit it out loud but you had a strange sense of foreboding, a horrible feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach. You couldn’t help but feel that something was going to go dreadfully wrong.

As you made your way to the Throne Room where the trial was being held, you just couldn’t understand why on Earth James would believe that Sirius was a traitor. What had happened to make him believe that? Snape was already in the dungeons for committing treason. Under coercion, he had admitted that he had been working for Voldemort but apparently he had told him nothing of the prophecy. You supposed that he had to be lying, he just had to be. According to Lily, the evidence they had against Sirius was damning but it was a lie or a set up, it just had to be.

The atmosphere was heavy and full of dread as you walked into the Throne Room and Lily gave you a brave smile from where she stood at James’ side. James had a grim tight look on his face; the King that you had first met a few springs ago was kind and benevolent. That King was no more, it seemed like his heart had hardened.

Your heart broke when the guards roughly dragged Sirius into the room, showing him no mercy. The past few days that he’d spent in the Tower had seemed to age him considerably, his eyes were starting to take on a haunted look but they softened when he looked at you. You tried to offer him a small smile.

As Sirius was pushed to his knees before the King, James glared at him as he produced a letter, “you’ll remember writing this, I bet,” he snarled and began to read the letter out loud “’Lord Voldemort, in regards to my last letter, you will now know how to break Dumbledore’s enchantments. There are underground caverns and a secret entrance on the West side of the castle. They will lead you into the royal chambers and you can complete your work. Your faithful servant, Sirius Black, Duke of Bedford.”

James tossed the chilling letter at Sirius’ feet, “if it hadn’t been for Peter telling us of the conversation he overhead you having then we would be dead. We managed to prepare and we managed to defeat Voldemort when he came after us. We were supposed to be your friends, your sovereigns. How could you do this to us? How could you plot to kill our son?”

“But, I didn’t!” Sirius shouted, “I didn’t have a conversation of this nature with anybody! I didn’t write that letter, I wouldn’t!”

“Then how do you explain the fact that your seal is on the letter?!” James demanded.

You saw Sirius’ face falter for just a moment and you almost winced, hoping that James didn’t catch it, “my seal was stolen.”

“A likely story,” Remus spoke up, his voice breaking and he looked like he was on the verge of tears.

“Where is Peter? He’s lying to you! I saw him sneaking around the castle with a hooded figure!”

“Of course,” James mockingly slapped a hand to his forehead, “blaming the victim is the right thing to do, you’re just trying to save your own skin. Peter was found dead in the hallways, shortly after he came to warn us of your plan.”

You barely managed to conceal a gasp, Peter was dead? “I didn’t kill him,” Sirius whispered, “I was with my wife who was giving birth to our third child!” he glanced at you and you gave him an encouraging nod.

James looked at you before looking back at Sirius, narrowing his eyes, “the midwife says that you left a couple of hours after the birth, around the time that Peter was murdered, he was killed with your ruby encrusted dagger.”

Sirius swallowed nervously, “I lost that dagger shortly after coming back from our last battle with Voldemort,” that was the truth, you remembered Sirius lamenting after its loss. It was clear that someone was setting him up. Why didn’t James see that? “And the reason for my leaving? It was because I went to see if my twins were awake so they could meet their baby brother!”

“And on the way back, you saw an opportunity to kill Peter!” it was clear that James was hitting Sirius hard with the accusations in the hope that Sirius would confess.

“No!” Sirius took a deep breath, “you’re my best friend, you always have been and I would never do anything to hurt you or your family because you’re my family too, please, you have to believe me,” the tone of Sirius’ voice was pleading but James looked unmoved, which annoyed you.

“The evidence is damning, Sirius. It was your seal, your letter and your dagger, you had the means to kill Peter and betray us. What did you think would happen? Did you think Voldemort would put you on the Throne when he killed us?” James hissed but Sirius said nothing but you could see that he was crying you just wanted to hold him. James glanced over to you, “we found no evidence that Y/N was involved,” cold dread shot through your body and your vision blurred.

“She had nothing to do with any of this,” Sirius glanced at you with tear soaked cheeks and the small smile that he gave you broke your heart.

James nodded, offering you a sympathetic look, “then I’m sorry that you’re married to a traitor,” anger boiled in your veins at James’ words and it was an effort to keep your face straight. He glanced back at Sirius, “Sirius Black, I absolve you of your lands and titles; you are no longer the Duke of Bedford. I charge you with treason and I sentence you to hang by the neck until dead,” Lily gasped in surprise as she looked at her husband.

You felt like you were going to be sick and you rushed forwards to kneel at James’ feet, taking Sirius’ hand in yours, “please, Your Majesty, I beg you, don’t kill him! Think of the children, please,” tears streamed down your cheeks and Lily shot James a meaningful look.

James sighed and bowed his head, glaring at Sirius, “very well, you have an amazing wife who begs for your life even though you’re a traitor,” Sirius just looked at the floor and in that moment you hated James for hurting him. You couldn’t imagine how hard it was to endure this from his best friend, “you’re going to spend the rest of your life in a cell. Take him away,” he nodded to the guards.

You cried out in anguish as the guards began to drag your beautiful husband away. How were you going to live without him? “I love you, Sirius.”

Sirius choked on his tears, “I love you too, and please remember me!”

“Of course!” you sobbed.

You didn’t even get to kiss him one last time; you would never forgive James for breaking up your family. Sirius was innocent; you would bet your life on it.

-----------------

Over the next couple of years that Sirius spent in the Tower, he was full of despair and anger, he couldn’t quite believe that James had locked him away; he couldn’t understand why James hadn’t believed him. How could James think that Sirius could ever hurt his friends? What hurt the most was the fact that he couldn’t see the love of his life or his children, the pain was almost unbearable. He couldn’t even see the grounds from the tiny window in his cell so he couldn’t even catch the slightest glance of Y/N.

In that dank, dark cell Sirius was all alone, he was practically withering away. He wanted his wife and he wanted his children. Reggie had only been a couple of days old when Sirius had been thrown into the Tower, Reggie wouldn’t even remember him.

The guards were particularly cruel; they told Sirius everything that was happening at court. They had told him that the King was forcing Y/N to remarry so she wouldn’t bring shame upon England because she was the wife of a traitor. Sirius had been close to throwing up at this news and he died inside, the knowledge that someone else was going to love his wife killed him inside. A few weeks later, the guards grumbled as they told Sirius that the man that Y/N was supposed to marry had died in a hunting accident. It sounded awful but at the sound of that news, Sirius could breathe again.

10 Years Later

Sirius was rudely awakened by the guards pounding on the bars of his cell, their voices filled with glee, “oi! Wake up, you have some visitors,” Sirius groaned and walked over to the bars to see the guards leering faces, “best make it a good goodbye, you’ll never see your family again after today. Your pretty little wife is going to marry the Austrian Prince.”

The pain that shot through Sirius’ chest almost made his knees buckle and tears stung at his eyes, he backed away from the bars so his family could enter. The breath was stolen from his lungs when his family walked into the cell and the door was closed behind them. Y/N was so beautiful and his children were growing up, and he’d missed it all.

“Sirius!” Y/N cried out as she ran to him and Sirius gathered her up in his arms, after 12 years, she was in his arms again. Once more, she was breathing life back into him, “I’ve missed you so much I love you,” she sobbed into his chest before she cupped his face and drew him into a passionate kiss, her tears running over his lips.

“I missed you too, I missed all of you, I love you,” he pressed his forehead against hers, grinning for the first time in 12 years, it was a wonder that he still remembered how to, he looked at his beautiful children with a smile as Elena and Johnathan ran into his arms, their faces bright with recognition. Reggie smiled at him with a blank look on his face but there was love in his eyes, “look at you three, all grown up.”

“We wish you could have been there, father,” Reggie smiled before hesitantly walking towards him and pulling him into a hug. Sirius smiled as he hugged his son tightly, “it’s good to meet you,” Reggie whispered.

Sirius’ smile dropped a second later when he remembered why they were there, “you’re marrying a Prince? Congratulations.”

Y/N rolled her eyes with a giggle and she lowered her voice so the guards wouldn’t hear, “I am never going to marry another, Lily and James just thinks that I am. The Prince doesn’t want to marry me either, he prefers the company of men,” she blushed, “but he believes you’re innocent, he’s a good man.”

“He believes I’m innocent?” Sirius asked, feeling gobsmacked, he was also elated that Y/N wasn’t going to remarry.

“Yes, and he wants to help, we’re getting you out of here tonight, we’ve got a ship leaving the docks at midnight, the Prince will give us sanctuary in Austria.”

Sirius was excited to get out of here, to feel the sun on his skin again, breaking him out of his cell would be dangerous but he glad that Y/N had an ally, but there was something that bothered him, “you’re coming with me? I don’t want to ruin your lives.”

Johnathan sighed as he rolled his eyes, “come on father, we’re going wherever you do. We’re not letting you go alone.”

“But you’ll always be having to hide, that’s no life for you, any of you,” Sirius bit his lip; he wanted to believe that it was possible but it just wasn’t.

Elena took his hand, “papa,” she whispered, “we love you and we’re a family. We’ve been apart for 12 years; you’re insane if you think we’re not going with you. We want to know you and for you to know us.”

Sirius teared up and sniffled as he looked over at his wife who grinned and cupped his cheeks, “we’ll be here an hour before midnight, the guards won’t be a problem. Leave them to us, I love you.”

“I love you too,” he grinned and kissed Y/N deeply before hugging all of his children in turn, excited to be in the world again. The plan was set and at midnight, he was successfully on a ship with his family by his side and a strong ally at his back. This wasn’t how he thought his life was going to be, he never thought he would be running from James’ court but here he was. They were going to be okay. Sirius was free, they were all free, and most importantly, they were together.

-Fin-

-----------------

@smiithys ​ @elayneblack ​ @amelie-black @siriuslyjanhvi @pregnant-piggy ​ @lindatreb ​ @mabelle-cherie ​ @hxrgreeves ​ @britishspidey @mads-bri @classicrocketqueen @sxtansqueen @hufflepuffzutara @potters-heart @bruxa0007 ​ @ourstarsailor ​ @fific7 ​ @galwithbluethoughts ​ @2410slb @sunles @krismeunicornbaobei @theincredibledeadlyviper @deathkat657 @lonegryffindor2005 @writing-your-heart-out​

[princess-of-riviaa]

The Wolf & The Doe: Chapter 6

Part 2: The City

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale (Knives Out) x OFC (Emilia Page); Guest Star Character x Emilia Page (can’t say who because spoilers!!)

Summary: Though Emilia tries to keep Ransom out of her life, she finds his memory haunting her at all times.

Warning(s): angst, flirting, tension, angst

Word Count: 3002

“Are you alright, Ms. Page?” Andy’s assistant’s voice is sharp as it echoes throughout the marbled room.

Emilia turns away from the both of them and takes a second to wipe the tears pooling at her eyes. She couldn’t even make it five minutes into this meeting before breaking out. How pathetic. She sniffles and takes a deep breath, only letting herself think about this room and the people in it.

She gives a bright smile to Andy’s assistant. It’s fake and they both know it, but his assistant frowns at her as she realizes just how good Emilia can be at putting on a good face. That’s all she’s been doing for a week now.

They finish going over Andy’s current cases, going through the list of witnesses, the victim’s family members, and others who are scheduled to take the stand for the trial next week. They’ve already interviewed everyone on the Marshall case. They just have to get testimonies from three in the Poe Books case. The plan is for the three of them to take one witness each, then have the interviews finished by tomorrow night. That will give Emilia enough time to prepare an outline and Andy can take the weekend to prepare.

Emilia participates in the conversation, but she can’t remember what anyone says as soon as it’s over. Andy’s assistant clears out of the conference room as the clock reaches 5 pm. Andy collects the papers in front of him and rises to leave. Emilia doesn’t move though, too busy staring a hole in the glass table to notice Andy examining her.

“Hard week, huh?” he asks with a softness in his voice that makes Emilia finally look up at him. Andy has a reputation for being firm. Reasonable, but firm all the same. This kindness that he’s shown her this last week… she doesn’t think he’s ever shown that side of himself at work. It makes her wonder he thinks she’s worthy of knowing him on such a personal level.

She’s suddenly blushing. The fact that she’s been acting this way… it’s unacceptable. This is her first week working directly under Andy Barber, and yet she can’t pull herself together. Personal matters leave once you walk through the front door of the office. That’s the motto that Emilia lives by. Yet she’s found it impossible these last four days.

She must have said that all out loud because Andy sits back down and says, “Sometimes personal matters are too much to be forgotten about from 9 to 5. I don’t blame you for that, Emilia.”

“I should be doing more for you.” Emilia sniffs. Great. She was crying again.

Andy reaches over and puts his hand on her forearm, making her look at him. There’s sincerity in his eyes. “You’ve been a real asset to me this week. I wouldn’t have been able to get prepped so quickly if it were just Ana and me.” He smiles as he adds, “If this is an off week for you, I’d be amazed to see what you can accomplish when you’re feeling better.”

She finds herself smiling even as the corners of her eyes turn wet with oncoming tears. “Thank you, sir. You’re a really good boss; I hope you know that.”

His smile turns humble. “I’ve been told a few times.” He pauses before adding, “But I remember when I was you, barely a paralegal and scared of my own shadow. My bosses were never very forgiving. It makes sense; this career is high stakes. But I can’t help but think that having a merciful boss is motivation to work harder and better. I don’t know, maybe I’m crazy.”

Emilia shakes her head. “No, you’re not crazy at all. The way you run your branch—your reputation is infamous. There’s a reason why there’s so many law students begging to even walk through this office every year, and it’s not because of the coffee pot that breaks down every day in the break room.”

Andy laughs. It makes his blue eyes lighten. Whereas his eyes normally remind Emilia of the sky right before it’s about to rain, now they remind her of a bright, cloudless sky in the middle of summer. “Thank you, Emilia. You’re too kind.”

She smiles. It doesn’t reach her eyes, though, as much as she tries. She closes her notebook and rises from her chair. “Have a good evening, sir.”

She’s already turned her back to him, so she doesn’t see the look Andy gives her when he calls her that. Sir. It has a nice ring to it, especially coming from her.

…

Emilia finishes her interview early the next day. It’s not even 9 am by the time she has her recording of the interview on Andy’s desk. His posture and the third cup of coffee says he’s harboring a hangover. Things haven’t been going well for him at home, a detail Emilia didn’t pick up until this week. He’s probably gone through half his liquor cabinet by now.

“Happy Friday,” she sighs as she tosses the recorder on his desk.

He flinches at the sound of the plastic against his hardwood desk.

Emilia cringes. “Sorry, sir.”

Andy takes in the recorder, then looks up at her. “What is this?”

“It’s Wesley Marshall’s interview, sir,” she explains.

Again, Andy looks at her and then the recorder, as if she’s speaking a language he doesn’t understand. “You already got it? He was assigned to you less than twenty-four hours ago.”

Pain is the best kind of motivation to work your ass off at work, she thinks. But all she says is, “I ran into him at a coffee shop in Westwood. He let me ask all the questions I had.”

Andy raises a disbelieving eyebrow. “You ran into him in Westwood.”

She nods.

“Westwood’s a ninety-minute drive from here, Emilia,” he points out.

She just looks at him. They both know what she’s not saying, so there’s no point in saying it out loud. Especially not when they’re in a lawyer’s office and anyone could be listening in on this conversation.

He sits back in his chair, crosses his arms, and shakes his head at her. She would think he’s upset if it weren’t for the smirk tugging at his mouth. “You’re a goddamn trophy, Emilia Page.”

She finds herself blushing. Andy Barber has been one of her greatest heroes since the moment she became interested in law. To hear him call her that… She’s suddenly speechless.

“Well, now that you’re out of work for the day, you have two options.” Andy rises from his desk. At his full height, he easily towers over her. She has to tilt her head back to look him in the eyes even as he places his hands on his desk and slouches a bit. “You can either take the day off and do whatever the hell kids your age do…”

“Kids my age?” she scoffs. She would be offended if she hadn’t noticed that playful gleam in Andy’s eyes. “You’re only six years older than me, you know.”

“Believe me, once you turn thirty, everyone who isn’t thirty is a now a kid.” The soft chuckle he releases makes her laugh. Talking with him is easy, fun even. The realization takes her by surprise.

“What’s the second option?” she wonders, biting her lip as curiosity turns into eagerness.

Andy stares at her, a strange look on his face, before blinking and returning back to normal. Strange. The smile is back on his face as he says, “We can go back to my library.”

She blinks at him. “You-you have a library? Like, a personal library?” God, that sounds like heaven.

His smile turns into a smirk as her reaction quickly becomes ridiculous. “In my penthouse,” he clarifies. “I’ve turned one of the rooms into a study, though there’s enough books in there to be considered a library, I think.”

“Oh.” Her face is burning so intensely that she has no doubt he notices it. “You’re inviting me to your penthouse?”

He’s quick to explain, “We’ll stick to work, I promise. But I prefer my library; I can’t concentrate on work when I have employees barging into my office every five minutes.”

The offer to work one-on-one with Andy is too good to pass up. “When are we leaving?”

His eyes gleam at her unspoken answer. “Now.”

…

Emilia doesn’t realize how much time has passed until the sun disappears behind the city skyscrapers. She finds herself yawning as her head starts to pound. Their six consecutive hours of work has mentally drained her and now her body heaves with fatigue.

“I was thinking the same thing,” Andy chuckles.

The sound is soft and warms her insides. Spending so much personal time with him is intoxicating. If he wasn’t her boss, she’d find a way to be friends with him.

He rises to his feet and walks out of the room. Her name echoes down the hall when she doesn’t immediately follow him. She catches up to him, gawking at Andy’s penthouse. The living room walls are pure glass, painting a picturesque view of the city below and beyond. She could easily stand there, taking in the view for hours. The furniture is various shades of white and gray. Normally that would feel bland, maybe even depressing, but here it feels… right. Homey. She can’t explain it.

Andy stops in the kitchen and opens his pantry. Emilia takes a seat at the island, marveling over the pristine marble countertop.

“Pinot Noir or Cabernet Sauvignon?” he says loud enough for her to hear.

She frowns. “What?”

“Wine,” he explains as he keeps his gaze on a shelf that Emilia can’t see. “What’s your preference?”

Shit. She’s never had wine. Before the trip to the Rhombey’s family cabin, she hadn’t even had a sniff of alcohol. But if she told Andy that, he’d realize how unexperienced she is. What kind of twenty-five year old hasn’t had wine?

“Surprise me!” she says, relieved she found something to say without looking like an idiot.

Andy returns with a bottle of red wine. She reads the label as he grabs two wine glasses. He chose the Cabernet. Hopefully she likes it. She’ll force herself to like it. She’s not going to disappoint him, or worse: offend him.

He expertly fills the two glasses and they cheers. The wine smells bitter and fruity. She takes a small, hesitant sip and hopes her face doesn’t reveal how surprised she is by the taste.

“This is good,” she tells him when she finds him staring at her, waiting for something. It’s a total lie. She has nothing to compare this to, so she can’t tell if it’s good or not. But Andy is classy and sophisticated. There’s no way he’d purchase anything that isn’t satisfactory.

They stay at the island for a few minutes. Andy tries to pull the latest office gossip out of her, and she reluctantly admits that she’s as in the dark as he is about all of that. She’s always too busy working on her daily to-do lists to know who likes who; which women despise each other; what man is contemplating breaking up with his significant other. That stuff has never interested her anyways.

Andy refills her glass when she starts getting low. He’s just finished pouring his drink when she shivers. Her toes and fingers are freezing but she’s not about to start complaining.

“Let me start the fire,” he suggests.

Before she can insist that she’s fine, Andy moves to the living room and begins to pile pre-chopped wood into the hearth. He grabs a lighter off the top of the fireplace and sets the wood ablaze. The room is instantly filled with delicious heat. Emilia moves towards the fireplace as if in a trance.

Andy motions for her to sit on his plush leather couch. She does, never taking her eyes off the intimate dance of the flames. Andy returns from wherever he went, now carrying their glasses in either hand. A thick, soft-looking blanket is tucked under his left hand. He sets his glass on the small coffee table in front of them before handing the second wine glass over to her. She takes a sip as he throws a blanket over the both of them. The blanket is soft, just like she thought. Warm comfort envelops her and she never wants to leave.

“I could grow old here,” she hums. “I’ll die before leaving this spot.”

Andy’s laugh is soft and quiet. It almost feels intimate. That’s not a laugh that he makes when he’s around people, only Emilia. She suddenly feels proud and territorial. She’s happy that he’s revealing another layer of himself to her. It’s like a drug: as soon as she gets a taste of who he really is, she only wants more.

“I’m glad you like it,” he finally says.

“I do.” And then she does something that she shouldn’t: she rests her head on his shoulder. The wine is getting to her head. If she was in her right mind, she wouldn’t dare to even think about doing this. But now she never wants to move.

But Andy doesn’t pull away from her, doesn’t lecture her about overstepping or remind her that this is completely inappropriate. Instead, he pulls her closer. His fingers run through the thick strands of her hair and suddenly she’s immobile. She can’t move even if she wants to. The sensation on her hair is making her dizzy with pleasure. She releases a soft sigh—

She’s in the kitchen a minute later, trying to catch her breath.

Andy follows after her, though he keeps a respectful distance. “What’s wrong?”

She can’t look at him. The last time she let herself be so comfortable with someone—

She reaches for the wine bottle and takes several big gulps, drinking until she can’t even remember Ransom’s name.

And then Andy’s taking the bottle from her hands and wiping the stray drops of wine off of her chin with his thumb.

“What did he do to you?” he breathes.

She huffs, suddenly out of breath after chugging the bitter wine. “What do you mean?”

“Ransom Drysdale,” he clarifies. “What did he do to you?”

Emilia blinks at him. “How did you know—”

“I know your parents are friends with the Thrombeys,” he explains. “And I was at the New Year’s party. I heard about your trip to the cabin, and the unexpected snowstorm, and how you and Ransom were stuck in the cabin completely alone for three days.”

Emilia reaches for the bottle again. He moves it out of her reach.

“You were on cloud nine the first week back, after your trip to the mountains,” he goes on. “And then you returned to this week. You weren’t yourself. As if something inside of you broke. As if he took a part of you. So I’m asking you again, what did he do to you?”

She doesn’t know what to say. Not only because he saw right through her—seriously? Had he known about this all week?—but because the way he just said all of that… It was deep and dominant and demanding. And it makes her feel thing—makes her think things that she isn’t allowed to feel or think. Not when he’s her superior.

Maybe he sees it in her eyes, or senses the subtle shift in the air between him, but he takes a slow step towards. Not exactly cautious. He isn’t slow because he’s scared or worried; he’s slow for her sake. Giving her an out before it’s even begun. Letting her control the situation.

She’s fully aware of the natural pink of his lips, of the way his tongue moves to lick his bottom lip. She can’t stop staring at his mouth. He’s managed to hypnotize her without doing anything at all. He finally says, “Why would a wolf dare to hurt a doe?”

The question doesn’t fully make sense to her, but she’s too speechless to say anything. The quiet calm of his voice, paired with the barely controlled rage in his eyes, makes her knees feel weak. She can’t move—no, she doesn’t want to move as he closes the distance between them. His eyes jump from hers to her lips. She leans into him as he cups her face, basking in the warmth of his hands. Why does it feel so good when he touches her?

“Emilia…”

It’s a question. Something he won’t voice, but that he’s desperate to have. To do. To experience.

She wants to tell him yes. She’s never wanted anything more in the world than to give him what he wants—what they both want. But all she can think about is sharing that moment with Ransom—feeling him slide into her for the first time, and the way he made her feel like they were the only two people in the world—and then how he not only embarrassed her in front of all his friends, but broke the part of her that she had trusted him with.

He was no longer the boy who picked dandelions for her.

He was a wolf.

And she was a doe, naïve to the fact that she was being hunted.

A voice in her screamed that going down this road with Andy would only have the same result—regret and endless heartbreak.

She steps away from Andy. Forces herself to breathe. To think. To shove her emotions down somewhere deep inside of her. His gaze is locked on her face as she tells him, “That would be something we’ll both regret later.”

He opens his mouth to say something—

“I’m gonna head home,” she says, grabbing her purse from the counter.

She leaves him frozen and speechless in the kitchen and convinces herself that this isn’t one of the hardest things she’s ever had to do.

[sequinsmile-x]

Riptide

Chapter 3 - The End 

Words: 7k

Rating: Mature. Major character death. Mentions of canon typical violence. 

Read over on ao3 via this link, or below the cut!

Please let me know what you think.

July 2026

Her mother convinces her to go for dinner. Emily had put her off for months, not wanting to try and hold herself together like she usually did in front of Elizabeth. The ex-ambassador may have been well into her 80s now, but she was still formidable. Aaron had always been good at being their go between. At stopping Emily from getting so riled up by her mother that she would react.

She knows he would want her to go, which is how she finds herself sitting opposite her mother in a restaurant, not making much conversation and pushing her food around her plate.

“The trial is next week isn’t it?” Elizabeth asks, making Emily freeze. “I read about it online.”

Emily looks up at her mother and puts down her fork, reaching for her glass of wine instead. “Yes, it’s next week.” She clears her throat. “The prosecutors seem to think they have a very solid case.”

“That’s good. I’m glad. He deserves to go away for the rest of his life.”

Emily nods in response. The idea of being in the room with the person who had taken Aaron from her was sitting on her chest, pressing down and making it hard to breathe. “I’ll be glad when it’s over.” She admits.

“You do know it’s not your fault, don’t you?”

Emily looks up at her, and her mother is looking at her firmly despite the kindness to her tone. She isn’t even sure where that has come from, why her mother seems to know exactly what she’s been thinking for so long. Aaron did always say they were more similar than Emily would care to admit.

Emily opens her mouth to answer but no words come out. So she shrugs, and the stern look on Elizabeth’s face sets harder.

“Emily. It was completely random. There was nothing you could have done.”

“He was there because of me.” She finally says, a hoarseness in her voice that had settled there months ago and just wouldn’t leave. “If I had just…he was there because of me.”

Her mother puts her hand over hers on the table. “He loved you. The way a mother always hopes their daughter will be loved. And he was a good man.” Elizabeth pauses, a crack in her own voice Emily wasn’t expecting. “He wouldn’t want you blaming yourself for this. There was nothing you could do, and it certainly wasn’t your fault. Ok?”

Emily looks at her mother, sees the certainty in her eyes and for the first time since she found out Aaron was dead she feels something unfurl in her chest. A small release of pressure that finally created some room in her lungs for a slightly deeper breath. She lets her mother’s fingers link with hers and she squeezes them, giving her a slight nod.

“Do you want me to come with you to the trial?”

Emily shakes her head, a smile on her face. “No, it's ok. Penelope is coming with me.” She looks at her mother for a second, and thinks that somehow Aaron was still managing to repair their relationship even though he wasn’t around anymore. “Thank you, Mother.”

“Anytime, Emily. I do love you, even if I haven’t always gone about it in the right way.”

“I love you too.” _________

Emily has lost count of the number of times she has been in a courtroom. Giving evidence in the cases they had solved, dealing with defence attorneys who belittle their work, tried to make them sound like they didn’t know what they were talking about.

This was different. She was sitting in the gallery, Penelope sat next to her, and there was nothing she could do here. She couldn’t influence the outcome. All she could do was listen as both sides recounted different versions of the same day, the same hour, that had changed her life forever.

She sees Jack and Jessica arrive. They sit in a row behind her, Jessica leans over the seat and gives her a tight hug. Jack sends her a smile, the unanswered texts she had sent him hanging between them in a way that felt stifling.

Emily sits there, day after day, listening to details of how Aaron, and the other victims, had died that day. Details she knew off by heart, things she would never allow herself to forget. Penelope sat by her the entire time, despite how affected she was by it - not able to cover her own emotions as crime scene photos were displayed for everyone to see. It had been her job for many years, and Penelope had seen worse, but this was her friend. Someone she had loved, and she struggled. Emily remained stoic, holding herself together as if she was fractured glass as she focused on the outcome she hoped they would get.

On the third day of the trial the prosecution shows the CCTV of what happened. Emily hadn’t been prepared to see it, to watch Aaron get shot by a man who didn’t even give him time to put his hands up. She jumps in her seat when it happens, despite there being no audio. Penelope grabs her hand between both of hers and squeezes tightly. Emily is grateful for it, using her friend as something to keep her present.

The jury is only adjourned for four hours before the verdict comes in. Emily feels like her chest cracks open when the guilty verdict is read out. She hears Penelope and Jessica cry, turns to see a look of relief on Jack’s face with tears running down his cheeks.

She keeps her own emotions back until she’s outside, telling Penelope she needs a moment. As soon as the fresh air hits her the tears come. Relief, devastation and just about everything else pouring out of her as she finds a bench outside the courthouse to sit on. She sits with her head in her hands and sobs. The sounds tearing out of her are completely unbidden, something she cannot control.

“Emily?”

She looks up to see Jack standing next to the bench, an unsure look on his face. She tries to wipe her tears away but they are immediately replaced. “Jack. Are you ok?”

He gives her a half smile and shrugs, and he looks so much like Aaron it breaks her heart even more. “Can I sit?” Emily nods and turns her body towards him as he sits next to her on the bench. “I...I wanted to apologise.”

Emily furrows her brows at him, wiping at her cheeks again. “What for?”

“For blaming you.” Jack says, looking at her sheepishly. “I always knew it wasn’t your fault, that the only person to blame was the guy who did it, but I was just so angry.”

“Jack.” She sighs, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It’s ok.”

“It isn’t.” He says, shaking his head at himself. “You love him too.”

Emily nods at that, her chin wobbling as she tries to stave off another round of tears. “Yeah, I do.”

They sit in silence for a couple of minutes before he clears his throat. “I was thinking, next time I’m in town we should go for dinner or something?”

She smiles at him, a genuine smile that feels foreign to her. “I’d like that.” _________

A naive part of her expected it to get better after that, that the trial being behind her and Jack speaking to her again would make her feel better. Some days were easier, the pain was still there, the gap she felt in her chest very present, but she could make it through. She could laugh at Tara’s jokes at work and not feel guilty. She could go for a drink with the team and feel like she was living again.

But then other days she’d wake up and it would feel fresh. Like she was right back at the beginning. She’d find something of his she hadn’t seen since before he died, and it would feel like any progress she made turned to dust.

Emily doesn’t go into their shared office often. It was, besides their bedroom, the place she felt him the most. She’s doing paperwork at the dining room table when her pen runs out, and she finds herself rooting through the drawers of his desk for another one, because she only had specific types of pens she liked to write in and she knows he liked them too. Her hand touches an envelope and she frowns as she pulls it out.

The envelope itself is unmarked, but there is a piece of paper in there that she can see his familiar scrawl on. She settles into his desk chair, curls into it like she used to curl into his lap, and she pulls the paper out. A quick scan of it tells her it’s the speech he intended to give at their wedding, and she feels her chest tighten as she reads his words. She tries to imagine his voice, to picture him saying it infront of their loved ones, a shy look on his face as he told everyone they cared about just how much he loved her.

I’ll keep this very brief, because Dave has already embarrassed me and my wife enough.

Anyone who knows Emily and I will say that this has been a long time coming, and not just because it took me three years to ask her to marry me. Since she first walked into my office, now her office, almost 20 years ago there were many times when it felt like we were heading towards something. Things kept getting in our way, and I gave up hope that we’d get the chance. Then I saw her almost 4 years ago and took a gamble. I called her.

She was so mad. She yelled at me - a lot. She cursed at me too, but I managed to get her to agree to go to dinner with me and we never looked back.

I have some thank yous I’d like to say on behalf of my wife and I. Firstly to my son Jack, for being the most patient 20 year old on the planet, and for pushing me to propose when I asked if you thought it was a good idea.

I’d like to thank Elizabeth for raising such an amazing woman, and for bringing the love of my life into this world.

To the BAU both new and old, I thank you for being family to both of us. For helping us through the tough times as well as helping us celebrate the good.

And finally, to my wife, Emily, thank you for being you. For loving me, and for making me feel that love every day.

Emily only realises she is crying when a tear falls onto the paper, blurring a word Aaron had written. She wipes her face quickly and puts the paper away into its envelope. She places it in her nightstand, a little piece of him that she can keep.

_________

JJ invites her around for dinner. It feels almost like a pity invite, and it falls on a day Emily could do without it. When she wakes that morning it’s a bad day, the pain of losing the man she loves as sharp as it was the day it happened. She considers cancelling, but JJ looks so worried when they are at work that day she realises she can’t.

So she forces herself to go, smiles tightly through dinner with Will and the boys. Will takes them to bed and leaves her and JJ to it, sensing that they need some time. They make small talk, both carefully avoiding the elephant in the room, the tension that had existed since Aaron had died.

“Have you thought about dating?” JJ asks, seemingly out of nowhere. “Nothing serious of course.” She adds when she sees the look on Emily’s face. “Just, you know. Put yourself out there. He wouldn’t want you to be alone.”

Emily knows JJ just wants her to be better, to allow herself to have happiness in her life again, so she takes a deep breath to calm herself before answering. “No, I haven’t thought about dating.”

“Em-”

“I tried...hooking up with some guy a few months ago and it was awful.” She averts her eyes from her friend, embarrassment flooding through her. She laughs wryly at herself. “We didn’t get any further than his hand up the back of my shirt and I froze. I walked away crying.”

“It will get better, Emily.”

“This is never going to get better JJ.” Emily says, her voice unwavering as she reminds herself there are children upstairs, that she shouldn’t shout. “There is no end to how I feel about this. He’s been gone almost a year, and some mornings when I wake up it still takes me a moment to remember. And for those few seconds I’m actually happy. Because he could just be downstairs making me my morning coffee. But he isn’t.”

JJ tries to grab her hand on the table but she pulls it away. “I’m sorry.”

“I can’t move on from this. I am doing my best to rebuild my fucking life around this mess. To be able to get up and live because I know he would have wanted that for me. Do you really think I don’t know that? How disappointed he would be if he was somewhere where he could see this?” Emily shakes her head at herself. “You have to let me deal with this in my own way, ok? Please. I am doing my best. And this might be as good as it ever gets.”

JJ nods, tears gathered in her own eyes. “Ok.” She wipes a tear from her face. “But please speak to us if you need to. We love you, and we care about you. We want to help you where we can.”

“Ok. I will.” Emily says, and for the first time since Aaron died, she means it. _________

She sits on the ground in front of his grave, she blows out a breath as she gently rearranges the other flowers there, emotions welling in her chest when she sees cards from the rest of the team. Emily places her own flowers down and puts her palm on the headstone, fingers tracing the granite that held his name in the way she used to trace his skin.

“Hi honey.” She says. “I can’t believe it's been a year.” Emily doesn’t try to stop the tears, knows it’s pointless. “I’d give anything to change what happened that day, I miss you so much. It’s not really getting any easier.”

She looks around the graveyard, feels the wind pick up some of her hair until she tucks it behind her eyes. “Jack and I are going for dinner later, it was his idea. You’d be proud of him. He was on the dean's list again.”

“I hope you’d be proud of me.” She sobs. “I know I haven’t really held it together, but I am trying so hard.” Emily wipes her face. “I don’t really know what I believe in, where I think you are or if there is anything after all of this. But if there is something, you wait for me ok? Because one year without you has been torture, I can’t imagine an eternity.”

She leans forward and presses her forehead against the headstone. “I love you.”

The wind catches in her hair again, and for a moment she lets herself believe it’s him saying it back. _________

December 2021

Six months later and they still haven’t found a house and it’s his fault. Aaron knows he is driving her crazy. Emily and Jack both told him as much every time he rejected a house for the tiniest reason. His son asked him what his problem was, taking Emily’s side easily as he often did.

He turns down the idea of a 3 bed in Arlington. It was admittedly a beautiful house, but it just didn’t feel right. Something about it that just didn’t seem like them. He turns his nose up at it, claiming he didn’t like the kitchen, and he sees her face fall as she sighs, sending an apologetic look to their increasingly haggard looking real estate agent.

Aaron can tell she is pissed at him as they settle into bed in his apartment that night, her back turned to him as she lays down, fury rolling off of her in waves.

“Em.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

He winces at the anger in her voice, the clipped tone rarely used on him these days “Sweetheart.”

She sits up, turning to look at him. Her eyes are swimming with tears and it feels like a physical ache in his chest to see her upset, especially when he’s sure it’s his fault. He reaches for her but she shakes him off. “Do you even want to live with me, Aaron?”

He frowns at that, confused by the question. He opens his mouth to speak, to reassure her, but she speaks again, cutting him off before he gets the chance.

“Because you asked me. You said you wanted to live together, and you keep finding things wrong with every place we look at. And I don’t know why.” She looks away from him, and he watches as she wipes her fingers over her cheeks, the tears she was failing to hide from him falling down her face. “All I can think is that you regret asking, and you don’t know how to tell me.”

“That’s not true, love.” He says, stopping her before she can spiral any further. “That’s not it.”

“Then what is it?” She asks, throwing her hands up in the air. “Because that place we saw today was fine, Aaron.”

“I don’t want somewhere that is just fine.” Aaron says, reaching out to put a hand on her sheet covered thigh, squeezing the muscle when she doesn’t shy away from his touch. “I want somewhere we love as much as we love each other.”

Emily’s frown falls away, her face softening as she listens. “You’re an idiot.” She smiles at him and reaches out to cup his cheek. “You’re my idiot.” She strokes a thumb over his cheekbone. “But an idiot nonetheless.”

Aaron drags her into his arms, wrapping her in his affection easily like he always did. “We’re going to live wherever it is forever, Em. It’s where we’re going to grow old together. I want it to be perfect.”

She kisses his neck and buries herself further into him. “It’s not the house that matters, Aaron. It’s us being there. Together. So please, for the sake of my fucking sanity, stop rejecting places over things we can fix.”

He laughs and nods, running his hand up and down her back. “Ok, sweetheart.”

They find a place two months later, and it’s perfect. Three beds, one for them, one for Jack and a spare for a shared office. A garden they can sit in on warm summer nights, and a porch swing they can cuddle up in under a blanket on chilly fall evenings. He can picture their life there. Her planting vegetables and him secretly replanting them correctly, and never telling her so he can see the joy radiate off of her face when they grow. The two of them growing old, playing with any children Jack might have in the future. It all flicks across his brain like a memory, like he’s watching a movie of everything that is to come. Something he knows they’ll have because they’ve fought through so much to get here.

They move in on their second anniversary, Emily insisting she drives them to their new home, not wanting a repeat of the car accident they were in the year before. Aaron mentions, again, that it wasn’t his fault and she smiles at him, kissing him as she takes the car keys from his hand.

As Aaron watches her help Jack carry his boxes into their new home, despite the fact he’s only months away from moving out for college, laughter coming from both of them he doesn’t think he’s ever been happier. _________

July 2022

He’s not sure what makes him think of it, what makes the idea nest in his brain. When it’s there, taking up every thought he has when he looks at her, he wonders what took him so long. Why they had been together over three years before he even thought about it.

The idea spills out of him one night when they are laid in bed. She is fresh back from a case, something about it haunting her, a look in her eyes he knows all too well. He doesn’t push her on it, knows she will tell him when she is ready, and he simply gathers her in his arms. Holding her close in a way he knows gives them both comfort. That's when it happens, when the words he’s been thinking for weeks are finally said out loud.

“Have you ever thought about getting married?” He asks into her hair, his hand running up and down her back.

She snuggles deeper into him, wraps herself tighter around him as if he was the only thing keeping her grounded. “That depends. Is it you I’m marrying in this scenario?”

Aaron smiles into the top of her head, she’s half asleep, her words blending together as her voice gets thicker. He knows he’s being unfair, he knows from all their time together that this is when all of her defences are down, when she’ll answer a question without hesitation. “Yes. Unless you have someone else in mind.”

The hand she has on his chest moves upwards, her fingers drifting under the neckline of the soft pyjama top he was wearing, her thumb lazily tracing over his collarbone. “You’ll do, I suppose.” She says, as if they aren’t curled around each other in their bed, in the house they bought together.

He kisses the top of her head and they lay in silence, and he thinks she’s fallen asleep until she speaks again. “You have to ask properly.” She slurs into his chest. “I’ll say yes, but don’t think I’m accepting this half assed attempt.”

“Ok, sweetheart.” He smiles, plans already forming in his head. “Go to sleep.”

He buys a ring the next day. _________

Two months later and they haven’t mentioned it since. He sometimes wonders if she even remembers the conversation, if she was too close to sleep to know what was being said. If some part of her thought it had been a dream. But then she’ll make a comment, mention something about a good wedding venue, or that she wouldn’t serve something as boring as grilled chicken at her wedding, and she has a glint in her eye that tells him she remembers and she’s waiting on him.

Aaron wants it to mean something. For the proposal to be something they can both remember fondly for the rest of their lives. He eventually decides to take her back to the restaurant he had taken her to when he first came back to DC, but he doesn’t want the crowd. Doesn’t want a restaurant full of people applauding as he struggles to get up off of his knees after she hopefully says yes. He knows she would want the sentiment, but not the spectacle. Both of them were private people at the very core of it, their relationship something precious to them both.

He offhandedly mentions it to Dave over a drink one night, eyes fixed on Emily as she laughs with Tara and JJ, a glass of wine each as they laugh at Spencer’s expense over something Aaron isn’t a part of. Within ten minutes he has a day the following week when he can have the restaurant to just the two of them, because of course Dave knows the owner and pulls in a favour.

Emily is immediately suspicious when he suddenly announces they are having dinner the following Wednesday. She narrows her eyes at him, but lets it slide, an adoring smile on her face.

He walks into the restaurant behind her, and watches as she stops. Recognition that they are the only ones there seeping in. Candles everywhere, Aaron briefly thinks he’s going to owe Dave a lifetime of cigars for this, and soft music playing in the background.

She turns and looks at him, eyes shimmering with tears he knows she will shed as soon as he speaks. “Aaron.”

“I had this whole speech planned.” He says, pulling the ring box out of his pocket. “But it all feels pointless now.” He steps towards her since she seems frozen on the spot. “I’d get down on one knee but I don’t think I would get back up again.”

Emily laughs at that. It’s shaky, choked up around tears that are already falling down her face.

“I just know I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you.” He opens the box, revealing the white gold ring with a singular princess cut diamond. “Will you marry me?”

She closes the space between them, grabbing the lapels of his jacket and pulling her to him. She kisses him fiercely, holding him to her as he wraps his arms around her back, ring box still in hand. When they pull away, slightly breathless he rests his forehead against hers.

“Is that a yes?”

Emily laughs, her hands tightening on his jacket. “Of course it’s a yes.” She kisses him again but he only allows it to be brief before he takes the ring out of the box and slides it onto her finger. He rests his forehead against hers again and whispers that he loves her.

Their moment is brought to an end by a flash of a camera and a squeal. They break apart to see Penelope standing there, her phone in her hand and tears on her face. Aaron groans and presses a kiss to the side of Emily’s head. “Dave is here. He’s cooking for us. Apparently he brought Penelope along as tech support.”

Emily laughs and turns back to him and kisses him, her hands on either side of his face as she pours as much love as she can into it. She pulls away and walks over to Penelope, and is in a bone crushing hug before she knows what's happening.

Penelope sends them the photo. They get it printed and put it on their living room wall. _________

“We should just elope.” Emily says, as she looked around the ballroom of the Four Seasons in DC. “It’s either that or I’m committing matricide.” She grumbles, but melts into his side when he wraps an arm around her and kisses the side of her head. “Aaron, if this is the engagement party, imagine what the wedding will look like.”

Aaron had to admit, when they agreed to let Elizabeth throw an engagement party for them he hadn’t quite been anticipating this. There were flowers everywhere. Adoring the walls the tables set up. Champagne being poured by waiters like it was water, and canapes that Aaron would bet money on being more expensive than what he used to earn a month as Unit Chief.

It was extravagant, over the top in every way and very much not them. But Elizabeth had been so genuinely pleased for them, so delighted to see her daughter so happy that he had convinced Emily this was a good idea.

“Em, sweetheart, it's fine. We handled the guest list. There shouldn’t be any surprise senators or ex-presidents making an appearance.”

“That's what you think.” Emily mutters under her breath.

“Emily, Aaron.” Elizabeth says walking over. “What do you think?” She says looking around, a proud smile on her face.

“It's really something, Mother.” Emily says, a smile on her face that Aaron knew wasn’t real.

“I’m glad you like it.” She loops her arm through her daughters. “Now, I’m going to steal you away from Aaron for a moment and introduce you to an old friend of mine. He was a Senator of California for many years.”

Aaron can’t control his smirk when Emily looks back over her shoulder at him, a look on her face that screamed I told you so as she was dragged away. _________

“One month to go.” Aaron says into the top of her hair as she settles into bed. He gathers her into his arms, her back against his chest.

“Thank God.” She replies, lifting his hand to press a kiss to his knuckles. “I don’t know how much longer I can deal with my mother and Penelope and their plans. Whoever thought it was a good idea to put the two of them together is insane.”

He smothers a smile into her hair, chokes back the comment that it was her idea, knowing it wasn’t worth being right over. “Soon enough it will just be you and me, travelling Europe.”

“Then it’s the rest of our lives. I can’t wait to marry you.” She whispers into the darkness of their room.

He tightens his hold on her, pulls her closer to his chest. “I can’t wait to marry you either.”

A week later it all comes to an end. _________

October 2022

Aaron smiles when he sees her name appear on his phone screen. Her contact picture is of the two of them, a photo JJ had taken at the engagement party. He’s standing behind her, his chin resting on her shoulder and his arms around her waist. She has her hand over his arm, fingers gripping at his bicep. They are both laughing at whatever Dave was saying in this speech that he all but invited himself to make.

He answers the phone. “Hi sweetheart, what did the doctor say?”

Emily groans. “You were right, it’s a sinus infection.”

Aaron can’t help but smile slightly at just how miserable she sounded. Emily was a terrible sick person and had spent the last several days insisting she was ok, even though she clearly wasn’t. He’d eventually managed to trick her into going to the doctor by saying she was really doing it for him because he was so worried about her.

“Did they give you any meds?”

She sniffs and he can hear her car door slam in the background as she gets into it. “Yeah, some antibiotics. I’ve got a meeting I have to get back to but I’ll go to the pharmacy on the way home.”

“I’ll go get it, love. You just go to your meeting and come straight home.”

“Aaron, I can’t ask you to do that.”

He already has his car keys in his hand and he shakes his head despite the fact she can’t see him. “You’re not asking. I’m offering. Just get home as soon as you can and I’ll look after you.”

“You’re too good to me.”

“Well, I love you. And in three weeks you’ll be my wife. It’s kind of my job to look after you.”

“I love you too.” She says, and he can picture the smile on her face. “See you soon.”

“See you soon, sweetheart.” _________

He’s holding her prescription in his hand, and he’s about to walk out of CVS when he turns back. Emily always liked chocolate when she felt under the weather. An indulgence she always gladly took part in. Aaron walks to the chocolate aisle, picking up packets of peanut butter cups and caramel M&Ms when he hears it.

There is shouting at the front of the store, fear laced through some of the voices and fury in others. He hears a shout at the end of the aisle, and he turns. See a man with a gun at the end of it, his hands shaking.

He doesn’t even warn Aaron before he shoots. It feels like it happens in slow motion, like time slows down as the bullet leaves the barrel and flies towards him, but he can’t move. Can’t get out of the way.

As he lays on the floor, coldness seeping in as he loses blood and consciousness, he thinks of his son. Of how Jack will now be parentless, barely twenty and hardly any family left.

His last thought, as the darkness seeps in and he’s vaguely aware of sirens outside, is of Emily. Of how much he loves her, how he wished he could have given her the forever he had promised.

He thinks of her smile, and it’s the last thing he sees. _________

The knock on the door almost as soon as she gets home surprises her. She checks her watch as she wonders where Aaron is, knowing he should have made it home just before her. Her sinuses felt like they were about to burst and she wanted to get started on the antibiotics as soon as she could.

She opens the door to see who police officers stood on her porch. “Hi, we’re here to speak to Ms Emily Prentiss?”

Emily’s throat goes dry. “That’s me.” She makes no move to let them in. “How can I help?”

“I think it’s best we come in ma’am, and that you sit down.” The female officer says, a smile on her face that seemed fake.

Emily nods and lets them past her, closing the door behind them. She doesn’t sit, instead she crosses her arms across her chest and clears her throat. “What’s going on?”

“Ma’am-”

“Please.” She says, fear she doesn’t fully understand filling her chest. “Just tell me.”

The officers exchange a look before the male one looks back at her. “We believe Aaron Hotchner lives here?”

“Yes he does.” She stutters out. “He’s my fiance.”

“I’m sorry to inform you ma’am that he was killed earlier this evening in an attempted robbery of the CVS on Columbia Pike,”

It was news she’d delivered countless times. To victims' families, to the loved ones of team members she had failed to protect. Being on the other side of this made her entire body freeze, disbelief scratching up her spine. She looks at the two officers standing in her living room, sympathy she hated on both their faces.

“You’re wrong.” She choked out. “I only spoke to him just over an hour ago.”

“He did have his driving license with him.” The female officer says. “But we do need a formal identification.”

Emily nods, hearing the unasked question. They need her to go with them, to identify whether the man who died at their local pharmacy was the man she loved.

They were wrong, she knew it. _________

She calls JJ and immediately forgets what she has said when she hangs up, unsure why she’d called in the first place. Her friend agrees to meet her at the morgue, her assurances over the phone that everything would be ok.

Emily repeatedly tries to call him, to yell at him for scaring her like this. Her calls go straight through to voicemail. He never missed her calls. She tells herself he could have lost his phone, that he might already be back at their house wondering where on earth she had gone.

JJ walks over to her immediately when she arrives, trying to envelop her in a hug that she shrugs herself out of. Emily tries to call him again, presses Aaron’s number on her phone screen. It goes straight to voicemail.

“Emily?”

“They’re wrong.” She says, swallowing against the lump in her throat. The bitter taste of denial in her mouth. “They have to be wrong.”

“Em.”

“Right this way, Ms Prentiss.” A voice says, interrupting them. Emily and JJ turn to see a kind looking medical examiner looking at them. They are led into a small room, a body on a gurney covered by a sheet in the centre of it. Emily couldn’t take her eyes off of it, trying to ignore that it looked the perfect size for it to be Aaron.

The medical examiner pulls the sheet back and time slows down for Emily almost to a stop as she takes in Aaron’s face. He almost looks like he’s sleeping, a peaceful look on his face that she has admired countless times before when insomnia plagued her, but he looks so pale. Emily doesn’t make a noise, she just stares at his body.

“Ma’am.” The medical examiner says, her voice full of sympathy. “Can you provide a positive ID?”

Emily doesn’t say anything, she just takes a step towards him. Tries to blink away the image in front of her, everything in her brain screaming for her to wake up so she could be in bed next to him, this fading into just another nightmare he would help draw her out of.

“Ma’am?”

“It’s him.” JJ says from behind her, her own voice thick with tears. “It’s Aaron Hotchner.”

“I have some paperwork that needs filling out if you can come with me?”

“Em, is that ok with you?” JJ asks tentatively, eyeing her friend who hadn’t moved, or spoken. Her eyes still fixed on Aaron.

“Can I have some time alone?” Emily says, looking at JJ and the medical examiner. “Please.”

JJ places a hand on her arm, squeezing the muscle, as she walks past. “I’ll wait for you just outside ok?”

Emily doesn’t acknowledge her, doesn’t move until she hears the door click behind them. She raises her hand, only realising it was shaking when she moves it, and touches his cheek. The coldness of his skin shocks her.

She had never associated Aaron with the cold. He was always burning hot. The heat she sought out in the middle of the night, rolling towards him and his embrace when a chill in the air surrounded her. His touch had always burned her, taking her apart again and again until she’d laugh and ask him to stop, breathless between their sheets. His love warmed her from the inside out, making something bloom in her chest that she had never expected could happen for her, that all consuming love she thought was simply the stuff of books and terrible Lifetime movies.

He was so cold. She leans down and presses her forehead against his, tears finally coming now she can no longer avoid the truth.

He was gone.

She strokes his hair back and kisses his cold cheek, his lips. “I’m so sorry.” She says not recognising her own voice. “I love you so much.”

Emily makes no move to leave, not wanting to leave him alone. She’s not sure how much time has passed when JJ walks back in and tries to coax her out.

“Emily, we should get you home.”

She sniffs, not acknowledging her friend, and she feels a fresh wave of grief roll over her. Pulling her under in a way she cannot, and doesn’t want to, control. Their future, everything they had planned was gone. The wedding, the honeymoon around Europe he had talked her into, convincing her he needed to be shown around by her because she’d lived in so many parts of it. Their house, their plans to grow old there together.

Emily runs her hand through his hair again, tears blurring her sight until she can’t see him. “He was my home.”

As they leave, the medical examiner hands her a plastic bag full of Aaron’s things. It has his cellphone and his wallet in it.

All she can focus on is her bottle of pills, the white label stained with his blood. _________

His funeral is organised for a week before when they should have got married. She sits in the house they bought together as the wake happens around her, words of sympathy passing through the room like cold rain. Sending shivers throughout her body as she tries to reconcile the fact she will never see him again.

She sees her mother out of the corner of her eye and she leaves the living room quickly, unable to cope with Elizabeth on today of all days.

Emily goes upstairs and sneaks into the home office, the smell of him hitting her the moment she walks in.

For a moment, it gives her peace, then all too soon it’s gone. Washed away by the sound of the door opening behind her, someone seeking her out to provide comfort that won’t help, won’t ease the burden of grief and guilt that have already consumed her. _________

She remembers the first time he called her when he came back. Righteous anger flooding through her veins when he casually asked her how she was. The charming bastard made her forget why she was mad at him in the first place, years of silence forgotten in an instant as soon as he asked her to dinner. He had given her hope, something she hadn’t truly felt in a long time.

He had given her love. Stupid, beautiful, all consuming love that she had wanted to bask in for the rest of her life.

Despite the heartache, the pain. She knew she would do it all again. Go through every single moment from that first day she walked into his office all those years ago, to now. All the pain they had suffered together and apart, just so she could experience their little taste of eternity again. So she could tell him she loves him one more time, and that she always would. So she could remember the warmth of his skin, and replace the final memories she had of him when he was so cold.

It was worth it, the way she felt now, for the time they had. If grief was her penance for loving him, for being loved by him, she would gladly pay it for the rest of her life. _________

“Grief is the price we pay for love.” - Queen Elizabeth II _________