#and so nauseous i have to sit in my bathroom and cry bc it hurts sm to not let myself vomit

[raincamp]

does anyone else od on random otc pills to s/h or is that just a me thing?

[xxmaddyxx]

The food baby <3

summary: mha boys react to your beautiful bloated belly <3 includes: Kirishima, Bakugou, and Todoroki masterlist

contains: mention of body shape, swearing (precious bakugou), and insecurity in some parts, reference to death (not a human)

Kiri

he loves u anytime, any day, no matter the circumstance

you had just finished devouring two pizzas together while binge watching your show together

you did get food babies sometimes, but only when you ate big portions, which wasn't that often (mainly on dates bcs this boy makes sure you're happy and healthy)

you became insecure sometimes, but others you would just look in the mirror and love how perfectly round it was <3

Kirishima and you were sitting on his bed, empty pizza boxes on the floor, waiting for what seemed like THE longest commercial break to end.

Your stomach didn't hurt, but you felt the bloating feeling, like you knew you officially had a food baby

Kirishima got up and walked to the bathroom (just pretend the dorms have their own bathrooms) "Holy shit, babe! Look at this, hehe." He chuckled.

You walked into his bathroom to see his shirt held up, with a little belly bump hanging out.

"Shut up!" You smiled and poked his stomach, hard as a rock. (hehe get it)

"Lemme see yours." He touched the bottom of your (his) oversized sweatshirt. You lightly touched his hand and let out an airy laugh.

"What?" He asked, "Does your stomach hurt? I can get you some Tums-"

"Nono, Kiri it doesn't hurt, I just sometimes don't like how my stomach looks after a big meal."

He cocked an eyebrow, "Why? Food babies are adorable! Please?"

You gave in and slowly raised the shirt to reveal your belly.

It wasn't too big, compared to like Thanksgiving Day or Christmas.

He let out a big toothy grin, "It's so cute!" He stood behind you and slinked his arms around your slightly expanded waist.

"Really? I always thought it looked weird." You leaned against him.

"No, are you crazy?" He kissed your head. "You're beautiful, no matter how your body looks, now or ever."

"Thank you." You giggled and lifted his shirt again. "Bro, even your food baby has abs."

Bakugou

no excuses, you cannot feel insecure around him

I mean like he is such a simp for you, it's literally HARD to feel insecure sometimes

But even Dynamite can't stop anxiety sometimes

You just lost your pet, the one you had to leave at home when you moved into the dorms.

The one who got you through grade, middle, and part of your 1st year of high school.

And you had chowed down on some sushi and ice cream, crying and scrolling through your pictures with your late pet (which i don't blame you)

Bakugou had gone out to go grocery shopping (bcs he wanted to surprise you with your fav meal that night)

While scrolling on your phone and emptying the ice cream carton, a text popped up from him

"Hey babe, I'm otw back to the dorms u want me to pick up anything?"

"No, im good thx"

You quickly got up and tried to pull yourself together as much as you could.

You threw away the sushi container and ice cream carton and looked into your full body mirror.

Your tank top and sweatpants outlined your bloated stomach and you turned to the side in disgust

Fluffing your hair, you put on a sweater and laid back down on your bed just as your boyfriend came through your dorm entrance.

"Hey- are you okay y/n? What the hell happened?" You could see the worry on his face.

Putting on a fake smile, you looked at him in his crimson eyes, "Nothing, why?"

"Because your mascara is smeared."

Shit, I thought it was waterproof.

He sat beside you on your bed and wrapped an arm around you.

"P/N died earlier today, and I ate a lot of food and I feel gross."

"Do you feel nauseous?" He asked.

"No."

"Then why do you feel gross?"

"Because of this." You stood up and lifted your sweatshirt to reveal your food baby.

"What?" He geniunely looked confused.

"Do you not see how bloated I am?"

"I mean, I do, but that's why you feel gross? Because of your body's natural reaction to eating? That's fucking ridiculous, you still look hot." You slightly blushed and put your sweatshirt down.

"C'mere." He pulled you into his lap and put his hands on your tummy. "I think it's cute anyway." He kissed your cheek, "How about, we get you some water and have a sleepover in your dorm. In the morning, if you're hungry, I'll make you your favorite breakfast."

"Okay, thank you Katsuki."

Todoroki

he loves food as much as you do, honestly

you both have the occasional big meal together

he doesn't really get food babies but he's seen you with one before, and it didn't bother him at all

if anything, he loved the thought that you were nourished and happy :)

but, you and him just d.e.v.o.u.r.e.d. one of Sato's cakes

sitting on the edge of his bed, waiting for him to finish showering, you continued to sip your bubble tea.

you got up to look at yourself in the mirror, because we can all be narcissistic at some point

and you saw it, quite the food baby staring back at you

"wow wowie wow." you mumbled out loud.

you already had on a big tshirt and sweatpants, but you still felt kinda bad

you just sat back down on Shoto's bed and scrolled on your phone

he came out a few minutes later in boxers and sweatpants, hair still damp

you looked up at him and admired the sight before you

"I'm back, can we cuddle now?" (i love how blunt he is)

"Yeah sure." You put your phone down on the nightstand and waited for him to lie down.

He spooned you and felt your tummy

"Are you okay?"

"What do you mean?" You asked.

"Your stomach feels hard, do feel sick? Was a quirk accidentally activated on you?" You could hear the true concern in his voice.

"No no no, baby. I'm okay, it's just a food baby." You turned over so you were face to face.

"Oh, that's good." He pecked your nose. "When your bloated it's always so interesting to see how your body looks. It's really cool in a way."

"Oh my God, you are the cutest thing ever, I'm keeping you."

[itsbeaconhillsbaby]

shatter us || tom holland x reader

a/n: hello gorgeous people. this is not the cutesy road trip fic that I have planned - the follow up for a luminous love. but instead just a little sprinkle, little dash of some angst for your casual sunday. yikes, I hope you all still enjoy (still ends fluffy bc I'm not a heathen...yet) 

since I love hearing your thoughts so much, is there anything you’d personally like to see from me, alongside what i’m working on? hit me up and I might just work on some fic for you, got a full week off work so let me know! as always, stay wonderful and come chat! x 

word count: 2166 warnings: we do have a swear and some smashed glass, some sad thoughts but nothing too dark or dangerous - very tame summary: emotional outbursts lead to some much needed conversations

6:10.

There was a lack of chirping birds that morning. The sun stayed behind the clouds, keeping itself out of view. The air cold and stale. Sheets were pulled taught at either end of the bed. Two bodies, usually yearning to be held in each other’s embrace clutching instead to their designated edges.

You were fearful to exhale your breath, one small movement and this frozen moment could all come crashing down around you. As though you were stood at the very edge of a precipice, toes hanging over the side. One tiny blow away from tumbling into a dark abyss.

Before you thought your chest was going to explode from the inside, you felt the springs next to you dip only slightly. The signs of someone moving.

He hadn’t moved all night. You wondered if he’d managed to catch any sleep at all before you felt the bed dip further as he untangled his legs from the sheets, heading into the en suite bathroom.

You reached a hand out from your cocoon, your phone lighting up as you tilted it towards you.

10 missed calls.

15 texts

You’d told your best friend that you’d screwed everything up, unwilling to reveal what happened before you let your tears lull to into a restless sleep.

You weren’t sure at what time Tom joined you. Sighing, you heard the click of your phone locking as you lay it back down.

Tom comes back out of the bathroom, slowing slightly as he sees you curled up in the corner of the bed instead of star-fished or snuggling into his pillow as you usually did when he left the room – resulting in playfighting or cuddles.

“I think we need to talk.”

His voice was rough and scratchy. You slid yourself up against the headboard, pulling your jumper sleeves over your hands and nodding in agreement. You couldn’t speak yet, you weren’t sure you knew how. Words refusing to form as your stomach churned.

“Okay, I’ll see you downstairs then.” He grabs a hoodie of his own before leaving the room, you could hear him moving through the flat.

You take a few deep breaths, taking note of the room around you. glancing over the space you had shared for the past year and a half. Something told you this could be the last morning you’d wake up here.

Exhaling, you slide your feet onto the golden wood crossing the room to reach the bathroom. You splash water over your face, fluffy towel ready to catch the droplets before finishing up.

“Here we go,” you mumble to yourself as you push against the sink counter and head for the kitchen.

////

Tom fills up the kettle, unfocussed eyes staring into the distance. He put it back on its stand before flicking down the switch.

A hand ran through his messy bed head of curls. This was all so wrong, all of it. He told you that he wanted to talk but as he routinely made two teas, he didn’t have a clue what he was going to say. But he began filming in four days and you both had to fix this tension between you. For the first time, you were both unsure of what the outcome would be. 

Taking a small brush and pan over to the wall he brushes up the broken glass, hearing it tinkle as he gathers it into the pan, releasing it into the bin, frustrated at his own outburst the previous night.

He’s against the counter stirring the two mugs when you walk in. He motions to the sofa.

He takes you in as you stand in front of him, shyer and more nervous that he’d ever seen you. He hated that you felt like that. Drowning in one of his sweatshirts and a pair of his cotton shorts, your face was tinged pink and he hoped that you hadn’t been crying in the short time it took to make your teas.

You gave a small smile of thanks at the steaming mug he slid across to you before heading to the sofa. You rolled your shoulders, caressing the mug between your hands - letting the heat warm them.

“I’m so sorry-“

“I’m so sorry-“

You both blurt out simultaneously. His eyes twinkle slightly, as he huffed out a slight chuckle.

“Well that’s a good start at least.”

You nod, stifling a nervous laugh, mouth upturned. He offers you to go first. You take a sip of your tea, letting it soothe your nauseous stomach.

Swallowing, you trace your finger around the rim of your mug. Closing your eyes for a single moment before staring into his, so wide and filled with hurt.

Last night played on repeat in your head.

“Stop saying you love me as a response for when things get too hard - it’s just words Tom! Just because you love me doesn’t mean that I feel loved by you!”

Tom’s mouth fell open, eyes wide as he stood transfixed on you. You stared at him in shock, completely taken aback by your own outburst. The room was blanketed in an unforgiving silence, your voice wobbling at the building honesty that had come tumbling out.

“Wow. I offered to fly you out to be with me before filming officially started for fucks sake! You declined! Was that not enough for you?! Does that not show you I love you? My career is important and I’m sorry that annoys you!”

“That is not what I meant Tom, and you know it.”

His brows furrow, eyes darkening with anger. You wanted to straighten them out with your fingers, lightly gliding over the uncontrollable hairs and press a feathery light kiss in the space between them. Something you usually did when he was tense or frustrated.

“Please, enlighten me then.”

“Fly across the other side of the world to do what?! Sit in silence in a room with you as you read over scripts with Harry. Sit alone in a room whilst you meet the cast and team, stay away so you can go for your lush dinners and lunches. And then fly out when things get underway, that’s unless I want to sit in your trailer day in and day out. I love you Tom and I support you and I think you’re brilliant - I always will think that. But being your hidden girlfriend is exhausting and lonely, and I don’t know if I can do it!”

You’ve never been this vulnerable with Tom before. You’d never let on before how hard it could be sometimes being his girlfriend, how utterly alone you felt. How much of a stranger you felt in regards to Tom and parts of his life.

“Then don’t! If you hate it so much, then don’t be my girlfriend then. Problem solved!”

You gasp slightly, standing completely rigid. Heart pounding in your ears, heat rising through your entire body. You can feel the moisture building behind your eyes, trying so hard to keep it at bay.

“Fine. Wow. Easy fix for the golden boy, got it.”

And with that you turn on your heel and head straight into the bedroom. Door slamming behind you.

Tom throws his beer bottle at the opposite wall. Hands going straight up to his face as he let out a cry of frustration. Glass shards littering the floor.

“Fuck!”

////

“I’m so sorry for saying what I said. It didn’t come out right and I don’t know, I think I was just being dramatic and anno-“

Tom cuts you off with a shake of his head, resting one hand on your leg.

“Don’t do that. Please don’t do that. My response was completely irrational, but you...you were honest and hurt and valid. Do not deny your emotions to make me feel better, that’s not going to fix this. You know I love you, you said it yourself, but you don’t feel loved - and that’s on me.”

You bite the inside of your lip, looking down into your swirling cup. Your heart was beating so fast, it was making you feel almost dizzy. 

“I feel pathetic, please let’s just forget it happened Tom.”

Tom takes the cup out of your hand, planting it on the coffee table in front of the couch. He pulls your legs that little bit closer, your body moving forward, closing the gap between you both.

“I can’t forget it. I’ve been playing it on repeat all night. Please just be honest with me. I want to listen. I want to understand.”

You exhale a shaky sigh,

“Sometimes it’s just so much harder than I ever thought it would be, Tom. I love how much you adore your job, you inspire me every single day as I watch you inspire millions of people. but sometimes I feel like an outsider looking in on your life. Instead of feeling like someone you want to share your life with, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hate that.”

He nods, his forehead creasing slightly as he takes in your words, and presses for you to continue,

“And take away all that comes with your job. On the rare days when it’s just me and you, you make me feel so alive. I feel needed and wanted and loved. So loved. But it’s not enough for me to have a few gulps of that feeling. God, it sounds so selfish. I hear it from my own mouth and I sound ridiculous.”

You take a pause. wishing for your voice to straighten out. For that wobble to stop as you can see the concern on Tom’s face rising,

“Maybe there’s been a reason we’ve kept it a secret for so long, because you and I both know that the minute this gets out...everything is going to crumble beneath us, and I’m the one not going to be able to handle it.”

You let out a shaky breath, sniffling as you wipe your eyes with your sleeve.

When you didn’t start up again, Tom gave a deep sigh, before pressing ahead,

“I’ve been doing this all wrong. I thought keeping you out of things would protect you, we agreed on that being the best option. And in the beginning it was. The sneaking around, the constant phone calls, video calls, surprise visits - we did it all.”

You nod in agreement. Your heart sinking. Even though you’d brought it on yourself, letting your insecurities and loneliness take over - you still weren’t ready for the inevitable goodbye that was coming your way.

“But we’ve grown individually, and our relationship has grown. And yeah, there’s a part of me who still wants to keep you all to myself, I know what press and fans can be like. But you’re right.”

You look up at him through wet eyelashes. He catches a tear with his thumb, wiping it away from your cheek,

“I’m not losing you to my own fear. And you’re not losing me to yours.”

“Wait, what?” you whisper, confused.

“You need to talk to me. You need to tell me when I’m not pulling my weight in this relationship, when you’re feeling low like this. Sometimes I do get stuck in my own world a little...and you’re the one suffering for it.”

“So. You do still want me as your girlfriend?” More traitorous tears fall from your eyes, your body relaxing and therefore no longer willing to keep them at bay.

“Oh my god I can’t believe I said that. Of course, I do! There’s no still wanting about it, I’ve always wanted you. Never questioned it for a second. The real question is, do you want to make this public? I want this to be your choice. It’s going to be crazy, but I promise you, I’ll be beside you every single step of the way. I won’t make you feel like you’re on your own again, I promise. Or, if you feel like it’s too much…then we figure something else out.”

He cups the side of your face, thumb still trailing after the tear tracks.

“I’m just scared that it’ll break us, Tom. But we can’t keep going as we are.”  

He nods in understanding,

“I won’t let it break us. You have me, all of me, for however long you want.”

You pushed your forehead against his shoulder, his hands coming up to cradle the back of your head as you curl into him.

He can feel your body quivering against him as you finally let yourself feel all the emotions you’d gone through in the past 12 hours, feelings you’d been hiding for far longer than that.

“I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologise. I think we needed this. Now we can be better, work harder on loving each other properly. Communicate.”

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” You whisper into his chest, “I thought I’d ruined everything.”

He squeezes his eyes clothes. pressing his lips to the top of your head, releasing soft kisses in between every couple of words,

“No, you’ve not ruined anything. All you’ve done is remind me how much I truly love you. And every day I promise I’m going to show you just how much.”

[sunatooru]

recently some1 in my class started to tell every1 how fake iam and I'm trying to be not like other girls or smth. saying' can you stop acting nervous and can you atleast make eye contact when talking to me, you're so fake, it's not quirky to not socialize' idk exactly whta she said even tho I was literally behind her. maybe I was too focused on smth else. I've always been excluded from stuff , I've always tried to be kind to ppl, I never did anything wrong . apparently I'm also a attention seeker and 1 of my teacher hates me bc 1 time I was violently shaking when they called me to stand up and answer a question I didnt know. so they said to do a presentation on the topic we were doing, so I have to do it in front of the whole class yay!!!!! and then in pe class I had to do smth in front of every1, well every1 had to do it but I didnt feel comfortable doing it bc it felt like every was looking at me so I asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom and they said yes, one of my classmates taht I hate came along, I wnated to cry. that day was terrible . I locked myself in a stall and just started to cry, it was my last straw. my stomach hurts so bad and I felt so nauseous at that time. This isnt really a emergency request. I think. if you think it is then please write it. Could you please write for kenma.maybe him comforting me and helping me with the presentation ? and yeah alot of people has requested for him. He is my comfort character but if you think too much people has requested for him then you can choose who you want to write for. please dont write it if you dont want to. thanks, hope you're doing well, genuinely hope your ok!! take care 😊

I’m sorry you’re going through all that <33 and don’t worry about people requesting Kenma a lot :)) I hope this helps x

~

Warnings: mentions of reader being bullied/ hated, mentions of anxiety, kenma goes school with you in this for the presentation/ in your class

~

Kenma

* he’s with you before the presentation, he cups your hands and kisses your forehead

* “It’ll be okay, yeah? I’ll be here watching so just focus on me. Don’t let these other people make you feel bad because they don’t deserve your attention.”

* He caresses you cheek and lets you get ready, sitting somewhere visible

* He makes sure to smile at you when ever you look at him, nodding at you and giving you a proud look

* After the presentation, he’s quick to praise you, noticing how shaken up you still are and knowing the people in the room aren’t it

* “You did well, babe. You were great and did your best.”

* After school he’ll treat you to eat

* He knows school hasn’t been easy and he hates seeing you upset

* “Hey, you know those people aren’t important. They can say all those things but that doesn’t mean that’s you. I don’t know why they are being rude but jist know, you’re so strong for dealing with them. You might not feel like it but you are. I’m sorry you feel bad sometimes but I promise, it’s not your fault. Those people know nothing about you.” He gently grabs you hand, bringing it to the side of his face.

* “I love you a lot. My love will always be stronger then their pettiness and hate.”

[massivelycreepypineapple]

Misfortune On A Flight

Request: Hi! Can you please write some period angst and fluff? I, For one, get very irritated and frustrated during periods, because of all the pain, vomiting, body weakness, no appetite. I would love to see some Jensen fluff here and angst also bc I read your stories earlier, and I love the way you write angst!

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Fem!Reader

A/N: I’m sorry I took so long, anon! Hope you like this!

Feedback is welcome!

Word Count: 1651

❅ ❅ ❅

The plane ride back home from Vancouver was one of the worst of your life. To being with you weren’t a morning person and the flight was at 4am. It also didn’t help that you were due for your period soon and the cramps were slowly starting to set in. You always got snippy and irritable during this time and Jensen more often than not ended up taking the brunt of it. But this time however, Jensen snapped back at your attitude, causing the two of you to get into a full blown fight right before leaving. He had been quite tired thanks to a rigorous shooting schedule and the exhaustion made him just as irritable and forgetful about what time of the month it was for you.

You took the window seat staring outside, trying your best to stave off the uncomfortably sick feeling seeping into you. Your body was tensed up and not to mention your emotions were all out of whack and all you wanted was to get back home and hide under the blankets until this passed. Jensen was beside you asleep. He hadn’t said a word to you the whole time and it was bugging you. But you were both too stubborn.

Just as you got comfortable in your seat ready to fall asleep a sharp cramp hit you, along with the telltale sign of blood flowing into your underwear. You sat upright flinching in pain. You quietly got out from your row, first class giving you plenty of space to not wake Jensen, and made your way to the bathroom with you handbag. You did what needed to be done and were upset by the fact that your favourite underwear was now ruined. But just as you were about to leave the toilet, a dizzy spell hit you. Your hand slammed against the wall while the other clutched onto your stomach to stave off the oncoming cramp.

There was a knock on the door, “Ma’am are you alright?” An air hosted asked, having heard a noise.

“Y-yeah, yeah I’m fine. Thanks.”

“Are you sure? You looked a little sick earlier.”

“I’m fine, thank you. I’ll be out in a minute.” You said, trying not to cry. This was getting to be one of the worst mornings ever.

Once you had calmed down, you got out the toilet and gave a small smile to the kind lady worried about you and made your way back to your seat. Jensen was awake by now and he looked up at you.

“Where were you? you were gone for a while.” He asked.

“Toilet.” You snapped at him.

He rolled his eyes at your behaviour, “Jesus, Y/N what’s your problem? You’ve been acting like a brat ever since you woke up.” He was glaring at you slightly.

It was your turn to roll your eyes at him, “Just leave me alone, Jensen.” You mumbled looking out the window. You heard him scoff and go back to his book.

You didn’t understand why you were so angry at Jensen. It wasn’t his fault that he was pissed at you. But right now all you wanted to do was be mad at him, but at the same time as you felt more and more sick, you wanted his arms around you. You didn’t realise that a tear had escaped from your eyes and you were trying really hard to not let out a sob. It didn’t help that the dizzy spell was back, making your stomach churn. You shut your eyes tight, as one of the worst cramps rolled through you, and you let out a tiny gasp. You felt a hand on your shoulder making you tense up.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Jensen asked, worriedly.

You couldn’t talk, you knew if you opened your mouth you’d puke. You just sat there shaking your head, shrugging his hand off your shoulder.

“Baby, do you need some water? You need to talk to me, Y/N. I’m worried.” He was on the edge of his seat, desperately trying to figure out what was going on.

You suddenly sat upright wide eyes, looking around for the barf bag provided to all passengers. You were shaking badly, your face clammy and sickly looking. Jensen finally understood what was about to happen and pulled out the bag from the seat in front of him. You grabbed it and threw up into it. You felt him rub your back, holding your hair back.

“It’s okay, I got you. Just let it out.” You heard him whisper.

Once you were finished, you rolled the bag and with Jensen’s help you made your way back to the toilet to dispose it and clean up. He waited outside till you were done and then walked you back to your seats. You curled up in yours shivering badly, which made Jensen reach for your hand luggage in the over head compartments to get a jacket for you.

“C-can you also get me some pain killers?” You asked him softly without making eye contact.

“Of course, honey.” He said pulling out some. He called the air hostess and asked for a bottle of water. He thanked her when she handed it to him and gave you the pills before opening the bottle for you.

You took the pills and settled down, waiting for them to do their job. Jensen noticed you were holding back your tears. He lifted the armrest between the two of you and pulled you close to him, letting you rest your head in the crook of his neck. This is what you needed.

“You got your periods, didn’t you?” He asked softly. To which he felt you nod against him. “Why didn’t you say anything, baby? Is that why you’ve been so snippy?”

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a brat today.”

“No, baby I’m sorry I didn’t realise sooner.” He sighed. “Are the pills working?”

Just as he asked you gasped out in pain. It was the strongest cramp yet, making your cry and hold onto him harder.

“Okay, clearly not working.” He mumbled pulling you closer. “I got you, honey. It’s going to be ok.”

“Jay, I want to go home!” You cried.

“I know, Y/N. We are going home. I know you’re uncomfortable and emotional right now, but I’m right here.”

Hearing you cry, the kind air hostess from earlier came over, “Is there anything you need?”

You were sniffling and tears streamed down your cheeks onto his shirt. Despite Jensen’s warmth and your jacket you were still shaking. He was rubbing your arm to keep you warm, but decided that you needed a blanket.

“Can we please get a blanket? She’s not feeling well.” He asked politely.

“Of course! Anything else?” She asked to which he shook his head.

She brought over a blanket handing it over to him and left. Jensen wrapped you up in it, making sure you were tucked in comfortably. Your shaking had gone down and you were close to falling asleep.

An hour later they were distributing breakfast. Jensen shook you awake. “Baby, breakfast is here. You gotta wake up.” He whispered in your ear.

“Mmm, I’m not hungry.” You said snuggling into him eyes still closed.

“You barely had a proper dinner, Y/N.”

“Don’t feel good, Jay. Just wanna sleep.” You said. Your stomach was churning again just thinking about something to eat. But you could hear the worry in Jensen’s voice. He was always very protective over you, but even more so during this time since he knew how much you suffered.

“Just a few bites ok? For me.” He pleaded, sitting you up gently. He thanked the girl handing him the food and helped you unpack yours before he started on his.

“I can do it” You said embarrassed that you were treated like a child.

He kissed your temple and said, “Let me take care you, honey. I know how tired you are.”

You accepted his help, knowing he wouldn’t take no for an answer. You could barely eat a couple of bites before you felt nauseous again. You pushed your plate away and leaned your head back, wincing in pain as a cramp hit you.

“I can’t” You managed to get out, tearing up again. Man, you felt so weak and embarrassed. All you did was cry the whole time.

Jensen sighed and took your full plate and his empty one, handing it to the person collecting them.

“Do you have to puke again?” He asked worriedly.

“Don’t think so. It just hurts a lot.”

“Come here” He said, pulling you closer once again, but this time resting his hand on your stomach rubbing it. His large hand gave the right amount of pressure, elevating the pain a little.

“Feels better, Jay. Thank you.” You said.

“Good.” He kissed your head. “You should’ve told me you were going to get your periods. I could’ve postponed the flight to when you were better.”

“I thought I had a couple of days, Besides, you were excited about going back home to Austin and I didn’t want to ruin that.”

“Y/N, you’re my home. Your comfort is my priority. I would’ve happily stayed back in Vancouver if it meant you’d be more comfortable.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you and I made you mad at me.”

He lifted your chin up and kissed you on your lips slowly. “Not your fault baby. Don’t worry about it.”

“I love you, Jay.”

“I love you too, Y/N” He said, puling out his ear phones. He handed you one, putting on the other and played your favourite songs to keep you distracted. You had another couple of hours until you landed, and Jensen did his best to help you through your pain. You both fell asleep cuddled up as comfortably as you could.

❅ ❅ ❅

TAGS BELOW

@hobby27 @akshi8278 @svmwinchesterr

[scoopsahoy]

i just read ur fic about getting pregnant with steve and was wondering if u could write one about the reader and steve struggling for a few years to get pregnant, and she has an emotional breakdown one night bc she doesn't feel like enough for him because it's been pushed on her that women's only jobs are to have kids and shes like "i cant even do that so how am i supposed to please you" and he comforts her and makes her feel better

ぺ  word count ⋰ 2.3k

✰  tw ⋰ none :)

❍  cw ⋰ swearing, mentions of sex

✐  masterlist

⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★

You sat on the toilet seat with your leg bouncing, anxiously waiting for the pregnancy test results to show up. This had become a new norm for you: getting pregnancy tests and anxiously awaiting the results. And you were sick of it.

It took a toll on you. Getting a negative result every single month for four years straight was stressful mentally and physically. You’d had a migraine for at least three and a half years, and no medicine helped. You were always nauseous and sick, which your gynecologist said was normal in your situation. You were always tired and sad, which affected your job and your relationship with Steve.

You knew he was just as tired of it as you were, and you knew he was probably exhausted from having to care for you all the time.

It had also taken a toll on your sex life. At this point, you two only had sex to reproduce. You rarely finished and always denied his offers to help you. You would always flip yourself upside down afterward to help the sperm enter your uterus.

You’d both been to the doctor multiple times to see which one of you was fertile. Steve was one hundred percent fertile, while you had less of a chance of getting pregnant that you should’ve had.

You’d been to multiple IVF appointments as well. It wasn’t Steve’s favorite thing in the world to go into a room alone and masturbate to porn to provide sperm samples.

At this point, he didn’t enjoy looking at other women to get off, so you had taken pictures of yourself to give him.

The first few times it was awkward for him afterward, but you assured him there was nothing uncomfortable about it.

You’d probably spent over ten thousand dollars on it, and it was heartbreaking each time it didn’t work.

At the end of the five minutes, you grabbed the test out of the sink, feeling a pain in your heart at the single line.

You tossed it back into the sink as you stood up, feeling tears slide down your face. Your back hit the wall and you slid down until you felt yourself land on your ass.

You pulled your knees into your chest, propped your elbows on them, and put your hands into your palms.

You couldn’t help but sob. You and Steve had been trying for four years to conceive. And, despite everything mentioned, none of it worked. This was one of your last straws, a wave of sadness washing over you.

You both desperately wanted kids, preferably two or three. But at this point, you’d be lucky to even have one.

Steve made it clear that in the end, if you couldn’t have children of your own, he’d be perfectly okay with adopting, or just not having any. And you agreed.

However, you had the longing to create your own child. Everything from the pregnancy, to giving birth, to raising that child from the moment they came out, until the moment they could care for themselves. You wanted that more than anything, but you’d be happy to adopt if you were infertile.

But sitting on the bathroom floor knowing that every effort you made — propping yourself upside down after sex, aforementioned IVF treatments, tracking your cycles, staying healthy, etc. — didn’t work, made your heart hurt.

You wondered if you were good enough for Steve, if you could really give him what he wanted. If he was genuinely happy with trying to have kids for years on end and being unsuccessful. You wondered if that was what he wanted, if he was still happy with you.

Your sobs filled the bathroom, making you glad Dustin wasn’t there.

Dustin was your younger brother, and currently, he was at the arcade. He knew about your struggle to have kids, and he usually tried to help, whether it was with the foods you ate, or getting you vitamins, making sure your mom didn’t keep her alcohol where you could get to it, etc.

You thought it was sweet how much he wanted a niece or nephew, always talking about babysitting them and allowing them into the party.

You always made sure he was gone when you took pregnancy tests. You loved him, but comfort wasn’t his strong suit. Sometimes it would work just because of the effort, but sometimes it would make you feel worse. So, you figured the easiest way to avoid that was to make sure he wasn’t there.

The rest of the party was also anticipating you getting pregnant. Max, Eleven, and Nancy all said they would help her with girl things like periods, dating, and other things boys didn’t understand.

And Mike, Lucas, Dustin, Will, and Jonathan all said they would indoctrinate him/her into their Dungeons and Dragons campaigns.

It made you cry the first time you found out how excited they were to have a new member of the family.

But you hated making them wait. Dustin and Robin were the only ones who knew how long you’d been trying, so the rest of them kept jokingly bugging you about them getting a new DnD member.

When Steve got home from work, he found you crying on the bathroom floor. He looked in the sink, seeing another negative test.

He sat on the toilet seat, placing his hands on your knees. He didn’t say anything, he let you talk at your own pace.

“Negative again,” you said, your voice stuffy.

He nodded. “I know.”

“What the hell is wrong with me?”

“Hey, look at me.”

You pulled your hands from your face, revealing your eyes bloodshot and puffy, your skin soaked in tears.

He stood up and held his hands out for you to take. You pulled yourself up and he cupped your face. He wiped your cheeks with his thumbs, before grabbing a dry cloth and cleaning your face completely.

“Come here,” he said, pulling you into a deep hug. You cried into his chest, leaving tear stains on his shirt. He gently pulled you to the bedroom a few seconds later. You sat against the headboard, resting your elbows on your knees. He sat across from you, only a few feet away.

He gripped your hands as you continued crying. It was silent for a few minutes before he continued the conversation.

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Then why can’t I get pregnant?”

“You know that’s not your fault.”

“Is it enough for you? Am I enough for you?”

He furrowed his brows. “What are you talking about?”

“If I can’t give you a kid. If I can’t get pregnant, despite everything we’ve done, despite every effort we’ve made... will I be enough? Won’t you want more?”

“Don’t. Don’t even think like that. Don’t say that. Of course, you’ll still be enough for me.”

You softly shook your head. “I don’t believe that.”

“Why not?”

“Because you said that all you want in life is children. You want at least one son and one daughter. And you want to name one of them Dustin, and one of them Robin. And you’ve told me that you want to have a hundred grandkids so you can spoil all of them. And if I can’t give that to you-”

“Stop. Stop talking.” He gripped your hands tighter. “I don’t care. If you can’t give me that, that’s okay. More than anything, I want you. I want you, even if we don’t have a hundred grandkids.”

You felt more tears fall down your face, hitting your legs. He tilted your chin up to look at him.

“Why?” you asked.

“‘Why’ what?”

“Why wouldn’t you want someone who could give you that?”

“Because I don’t want just anybody. I want you. I’d live a thousand lifetimes without kids if it meant I got to be with you.”

“But you want a family.”

“Baby,” he chuckled. “We’re already a family. You and me, we are a family. We don’t need a child to be a family. Hell, we can adopt a dog or a cat if we wanted to. And that would still make us as much of a family as people with kids.”

“But we both want kids. I want kids. I want to be pregnant, I want to give birth, I want to hold the baby after they come out. I want to celebrate their first steps, their first words, their first birthday. I want to do that.” He didn’t say anything. “How am I supposed to please you if I can’t even get pregnant?” you mumbled.

He furrowed his brows. “What?”

“I mean, we’ve always been taught that in marriages, in order to be a good wife and please your husband, you should have kids.”

“Who the hell taught you that?”

You raised your eyebrows. “School, my family, everyone. I’ve grown up hearing that in order to be a good wife to my husband, I have to give him kids and that’s how we’re supposed to please you.”

He shook his head. “I’ve never been taught to only expect kids from my wife. They’ve been feeding you that bullshit?” You nodded. “For how long?”

“All my life.”

“I’ve grown up learning from my mom that, even if I don’t have kids with the person I marry, I should find someone that I can’t live without. That’s you.”

“Steve-”

“Y/N, you don’t have to bear a child to please me. I am so madly, deeply, stupidly in love with you. There is nothing you can do to make me not love you. You hear me?” You didn’t reply. “Why do you think I proposed to you and married you?”

“You wanted to start a family, but not outside of marriage. Isn’t that why every guy gets married?”

“Nope. Not even close. I mean, that’s a factor, but do you know the real reason I married you?” You still didn’t answer. “I married you to be with you,” he said as he poked you lightly on the chest. “I married you so I could spend the rest of my life with you. Obviously, I do want a family, but, like I said, I’d go a million years without kids if it meant I got to be with you.”

You were only crying harder now. “Steve-”

“I am so fucking in love with you, Y/N. Do you want to know how long it took me to get that ring-” He pointed to your engagement ring on your finger, which was joined by your wedding band, “after we started dating?” You shook your head. “Three days.”

Your eyes got wide. “What?”

“Yep. Three days into our relationship, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You know why I didn’t propose sooner?” You shook your head again. “We weren’t eighteen. That was the only thing holding me back. I had to wait two years to propose to you because we had to wait until we were adults.”

You looked down at your ring. “They let you buy an engagement ring at sixteen?” you chuckled.

“I guess so. I got it, didn’t I?”

You smiled. “I love you,” you whispered.

“I love you, too.” You squeezed his hands.

“Tell you what. Why don’t we take a break from trying? I mean, we’re only twenty-three. We have time. I know it’s stressing you out. Your head always hurts and you’re always sick. Let’s just wait a little while.”

You nodded. “That would actually be really nice.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe we can have sex just to have sex, not to make a baby.”

“Absolutely.”

You looked at him and he gave you a small smile.

“I don’t deserve you,” you said, your voice cracking.

“I think I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you.”

You laughed softly. “And if we can’t have our own kids, we can adopt,” you said.

“Absolutely.”

“Take a kid or two out of the system.”

“Absolutely,” he repeated.

You got on your knees and hugged him, the two of you squeezing each other tightly.

“Did I mention that I love you?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure? Because I do.”

“I’m sure,” you giggled. “I love you, too.”

When you pulled away, he looked at you. “Don’t blame yourself, baby. Seriously. It’s not your fault.”

“I know.”

“Okay.”

You pulled him in for one last kiss before heading to the kitchen to start dinner.

—

You, Steve, Dustin, Mike, Lucas, Max, and Robin all sat in your dining room. For dinner, you made chicken burritos. The kids were all joking around and talking about the arcade when you decided to get their attention.

“So, me and Steve talked today,” you said, clearing your throat. They all looked at you. “I think... we’re gonna stop trying to have a kid for a little while.”

“What?” Lucas asked. “Why?”

“We’ve been trying for four years. I mean, we’ve done IVF-”

“What’s IVF?” Mike asked.

“In vitro. It’s artificial insemination.”

“We’ve done that about six times,” Steve said. “And it hasn’t worked.”

“Nothing we’ve done has worked. So, for now, we’re gonna take a break. I mean, it takes a toll on us.”

They nodded. “Okay. Whenever you get pregnant, that just means we can have someone else to play games with and invite to the arcade,” Lucas said. “Even if we’re older.”

Steve rested his hand on your thigh.

—

Laying in bed and being Steve’s little spoon as he slept caused you to start thinking again.

You didn’t realize it before, but you were more okay with waiting than you thought you would be. Sure, you’d be slightly older when you were pregnant — if you wound up pregnant at all — but you were fine with it.

Knowing that you were with someone like Steve, who didn’t care if you couldn’t have kids, was a relief. You knew you married the right person, and you knew your kids would be right about you two being soulmates.

[yikesharringrove]

Hello! i don’t think i’ve given you any of my weird headcanons in a hot minute so here’s a new favorite! Steve with ADHD, at first nobody notices it, he gets along well enough as a young kid people just think he has an active imagination, when in real it y he just can’t pay attention. He’s in 5th grade when his teacher pulls him out of class and tells him he needs to start paying attention, Steve almost starts crying as he tries to explain to her that he just can’t, that it doesn’t work (pt.1)

(pt.2) so the teacher tells him to stay back after class that day, he totally forgets and almost ends up leaving just further probing her suspicions. She asks him to extol in what he means, he doesn’t know what to say, says that too many things are happening for him to pay attention in class, and that sometimes if he hears another teacher he’ll end up listening to that, or if he can look out a window he’ll get distracted, and she already knows what’s going on, calls his parents for a meeting

(pt.3) So his mom comes in, his dad “could make it” but that works out for steve because his mom actually gets him tested, and his test comes back positive so he has to take meds now and sure his grades aren’t the best but they are so much better and he can actually sit in class and focus, but randomly in his sophomore year tommy finds the pills and makes fun of him and he gets so embarrassed that he just stops taking them, and his grades drop bad and he can’t focus and he feels like shit 

(pt.4) he goes around like that for a while feeling lost and distracted but refusing to take his meds and be lame, he only starts taking them again after nancy breaks up with him because he needs to focus on something that isn’t the break up, but they aren’t working well which is to be expected he hasn’t taken them in more then a year, so he ends up totally freaking out and that’s how billy finds him, sitting on the bathroom floor with the WORST headache he’s ever had and he takes pity on him

(pt.5) billy and steve were kind of friends after the fight they had talked and worked things out, not super close but enough to not be so weird around each other anymore, so billy takes him home and makes sure he gets new meds and makes sure he keeps taking them and on days when he can tell steve is space and distracted and clearly forgot he’ll drive to his house and make him take them, and steve will bitch and moan but he actually loves that someone cares enough to make sure he’s ok

(optional pt.6) billy realizing he really likes steve when steve is talking about a special interest and getting super happy and he just can’t help but feel in love with him (is this totally based off my expletive with adhd? yes it is! is this the exact way my hug said she realized she love me? yes it is 🥰)

Hi! I have another one of your AMAZING headcanons in my drafts still, I’m working on it I’m sorry I’m the slowest writer ever.

So, I think I’ve said this, but ADHD makes A LOT of sense for Steve. I don’t have ADHD, so I’m sorry if this is in accurate, I did some research, didn’t want this to be like, bad.

Also, I put him on Ritalin for timing purposes and bc it can cause panic attacks. 🤷‍♀️ and his favorite animals are giraffes, goats and lobsters, 3 of my favorite animals.

Read on ao3

When Steve was little, he could never focus on something for longer than ten minutes.

He would be running through the house, leaving toys on the ground when he remembered a game he could play in another room. His nannies would roll their eyes, picking up after him.

When he got to school, it was more of the same. He would get distracted by every bird that he could see outside. He would be in the middle of class, the teacher would say something about giraffes and his mind would race about animals, would think about every country in Africa he could name, would think about whether or not Lithuania was in Africa.

His grades would slip, tests were a nightmare when he got caught up watching a bee buzzing near the window, only to realize he had answered three questions and only had eleven minutes left.

He was always a poor student, until fifth grade.

Mrs. Wilson had called him up after class, had noticed him zoning out and was about to chide him when she noticed the tears in his eyes.

“I just, I don’t know what happens, sometimes, my thoughts go too fast for my own brain and I can’t focus.” He was sniffling across from her.

“Steve, I’m going to have a chat with your parents. You’re not in trouble, but I think we can help you.” She smiled as she pat his shoulder, letting himself get collected before going to his next class.

She called his parents in at the end of the day, his mother sitting in the seat next to Steve, the principal joining them.

“I’ve noticed some trends in Steve’s school work and his presence in class. We think it may be in his best interest to test him for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. We feel that pinpointing the problem for him may be more helpful moving forward.

Mrs. Harrington agreed, waved her hand in a way that said she was bored of the conversation. Steve spent the whole next Saturday going through various tests, was wrung dry by the end of the day, but left with a clear diagnosis.

He began taking a low does of Ritalin, began focusing in class. His grades skyrocketed, getting the very first B+ he had ever gotten on his English essay.

He was okay until sophomore year.

He was an okay student, could focus in class, but not necessarily retain or understand the information.

But then Tommy found the pills, had laughed at him and called him retarded, the word that had haunted him his whole life, spat at him by the father that didn’t care about him.

So he flushed the pills, never refilled his prescription.

His grades slipped immediately. He wasn’t able to focus in class, had gone back to the days of staring out the window and getting confused about why it was called a square root.

He was constantly moving, would bounce his leg, would tap his pencil, would sometimes take the hall pass and just walk.

He knows taking his meds would fix the problem, but he had Nancy know, didn’t want her to know this weakness of his, this shameful secret.

But then he didn’t have Nancy, and his thoughts were racing, jumping from Nancy to demodog to Barb to Billy to his dad to Nancy to demodog to Barb to Billy to his dad to Nancy to-

He broke down February of senior year.

Graduation was soon as Steve’s grades were ass. He needed to focus on something that wasn’t Nancy, demodog, Barb, Billy, his dad. So he filled his old prescription, took the same does he had two years ago and went to school.

When he was first put on the meds, he was told panic attacks and anxiety could be a side effect. He had never experienced that before, but now, now he lived in constant anxiety, and with his Ritalin, he was a mess.

He had locked himself in the bathroom above the gym, the one nobody uses. He was on the floor, trying to ground himself against the wall, trying to think of anything other than Nancy, demodog, Barb, Billy, his dad, Nancy, demodog, Barb, Billy, his dad, Nancy, demodog, demodog, demodog, demodog-

“Pretty Boy?”

Billy was in front of him, eyebrows furrowed as he looked at Steve.

“B-Billy?”

“You okay? You’re kinda, kinda losin’ it.”

“I, I went off my meds for a, a few years, and I put myself back on them, and it’s, I, I know it’s lame, but they usually help and now-” he sobbed as Billy pulled him into his chest, soothing him softly.

“What meds?”

“Ritalin. It’s for, for ADHD.” Billy huffed a laugh.

“I fuckin’ knew it. The way you talk a mile a damn minute.” Steve’s heart sank. “And it’s not lame. Some peoples’ brains are just, wired different.”

Steve was starting to calm down, the anxiety shoving over into a raging headache. He groaned into Billy’s shoulder.

“What’s up?”

“Head hurts.”

“Want me to take you home.” Steve just nodded, his eyes squeezed shut. Billy drove him home, sat with him while Steve called his doctor, made an appointment for next weekend.

Steve had gotten a new medication, adjusted to his current state. The new meds were like magic, allowing Steve to focus when he needed, wouldn’t let him fall into hyperfocus on something that wasn’t productive. He finished senior year on a good note, with okay-enough grades to score his diploma.

He spent the summer at Scoops, working alongside Robin.

Billy came in every day. Would sit with him on Steve’s break. On the days Steve seemed more spaced, he would marrow his eyes, would say you didn’t take your meds today, would drive to Steve’s house to get them for him, would make sure he took them, would take drinks out of Steve’s hands at parties, would make sure he wouldn’t do anything to interfere with them, would dread the days he would find Steve nauseous from the meds.

Bonus:

Steve realized he was in love with Billy when he found out Billy starting keeping a small store of Steve’s meds in his car, would update them periodically to make sure they were safe, effective.

Billy realized he was in love with Steve when he was talking about every animal he could name. He showed Billy the small library of books he had bought for himself about animals, could explain the difference between kingdom, class, phylum, and genus. Was throwing out Latin names for his favorite animals, giraffa camelopardalis, capra aegagrus hircus, nephropidae. Billy couldn’t help himself, had just leaned over and kissed him, left Steve giggling as they made out.

[sickficsforthesoul]

here's a prompt ?(or whateverits called): not a request ! also  ، ¿ ¡ ૮₍ 𖦹 ˕ ×` ₎ა ! ?·＊·  anon or 🧛🏻‍♀️ anon(emoji form) .  : the sickie hates today so much. they had to go to school bc it was a important practice match they had to be in. but they got a stomach bug yay! good 4 them !! they woke up feeling like shit , they knew they were sick. they wanted to stay in bed . praying to any god that they weren't gonna be sick. they fell asleep again saying just to rest for a few more minutes (well it ended up being 30 minutes ) now they only had 30 minutes to get to school, they knew they actually had to wake up. running out of bed to get there clothes and change as fast as they could (they dont shower in the morning and they were to lazy to brush their teeth) rushing out of bed that fast made them all dizzy . great . now they're stomach hurts. yep they were gonna vomit. they knew they couldn't make it to the bathroom . so they found a place that could store it , they rushed finding something in their room . they searched their desk. feeling the vomit rising up. shutting their mouth bc they dont want their desk getting vomit on it. it was so strong it went in their nose. they couldnt hold it in anymore. throwing up in their desk  wetting all the papers. homeworks . they were gonna get in trouble at school. they had no hw anymore . well they were gonna be late to practice if they cleaned it up.so they ignored it. gagging at the smell of it. they finally finished their daily routine . they skipped breakfast (just like most of the times). they grabbed a mask and went to school . playing games on their phone to distract themselves.  sadly that didnt work . they got all dizzy , they put their phone. feeling too dizzy they nearly tripped . they countied waking to school. remembering they only had 5 minutes left they had to continue walking faster. they started running. while running they were thinking abt how they got sick. :: I prob  got sick from some1 in my class. yeah. they threw up in the classroom and they sat near me. they were probably coughing alot.. ew.. :: they arrived at school. going into the volleyball ball gym changing room. no1 was there . they were probably practicing.  suddenly they felt their stomach growl. it hurts so much. why today they ask. they wrapped their arms around them and it hurts so bad. when it kinda stop they had the courage to change into their volleyball club uniform and go to the gym. while walking there they started coughing.having a coughing fit made every1 look at them . they hated that . they really dont like  being the center of attention.  some1 from their team asked "hey you ok?" they just said yeah. the coach said to run 4 laps around the gym. uh how much they hated running. they only did 1 and a half.(END PT 1) they couldn't handle 4 laps. while some1 was running they saw them hiding (so no1 can see them slacking off) they asked "um?? what's wrong ? ud probably get in trouble if coach finds out.  I'm already on my 3rd lap . ig in  3 mins its over. r u just gonna stay here? and also if u act like this it the match . you'll get in big trouble. they just said "ok". when the coach said ok! they went back in the gym and prepared the net. they started a sneezing fit which caught som1 to give them tissue. they eventually stopped . they're nose is so stuffy they can barely breathe.  they really want 1 more tissue but they don't have any , they ended up using their arm as a tissue. well atleast only 1 person saw. every1 was practicing.  it was gonna end it 10 mins . they're shocked how they went so far. when they setted the ball they suddenly felt they're stomach grumble. they cant just suddenly go to the bathroom.  they had to wait. uh they started feeling nauseous and they silently stared gagging.  then came the wet coughs , they could feel the vomit loudly.  end . pt1

(contin.) they had to fake spike? idk . they didnt have the power to do so. obviously they looked like they were faking it. they're team lost, they honestly didnt care . then some1 hit then on their back saying to,work hard. some vomit came up . they swallowed it . they thought it tasted so bad. they started coughing really loudly.  every1 was looking (they had to rush to the bathroom but since every1 was looking they didn't want to make a scene so they didnt ) they waited till every1 wrnt to they changing room /club room.  finally every1 besides 1 person who was a benched player went to the toilet . oh no. they cant wait that there was vomit coming up they wanted to wait for at least 2 mins , but they couldn't only 36 seconds.  they started to vomit .  in their hands . dripping on the gyms floor. they couldn't make it into a stall so they threw up in the bathroom floor. threw up already half of what they had. they heard the doors unlocking from the bathroom (it was the benched player) they rushed into a stall so he couldn't see them  . they walked out and saw vomit.  they didnt care , they walked out like nothing happened. they were still vomiting , they didn't have enough strength to propt themselves up to puke inside the toilet,  they just ended  up throwing up on the floor . they thought they were done after dry heaving for 2 minutes.  getting up to go to the changing room to change into their uniform.  they didnt tie their tie properly but they dont care. going into their classroom late. like 10 minutes late. they got scolded for wearing their tie wrong and being late.also not bringing hw. yay good for them this class they didnt do anything. so they just fell asleep /WITH THEIR MASK ON!// pt2done

while waiting they double bagged the plastic bags to prevent in from seeping thru. one the bus came. the sickie regretted going on already feeling dizzy once they sat down , they sat at the back where no1 sits (although that would make them more dizzer, but they didnt know that) after 5 minutes of the ride (there was some traffic. normally itd take 10 minutes. but since there is traffic they didnt how long they'd have to wait.) "[caretakers name]...while wet coughing.mm candy." they rushed to give the candy. it soothed their throat for 5 minutes until making them dizzy . lying down on the caretaker,while they play with their hair. they fell asleep. after 20 minutes (still in traffic) they woke up to the bus driving. they woke up and asked for water. they drank the water in small sips. they didnt vomit. the they drank it quickly before spitting it out. then coughing. they nearly threw up. swallowing it . asking while coughing for the 'bag'. they grabbed it and held on it and tried getting it out bc they were very nauseous. they couldn't. until the bus continued moving. they're grip to it was very weak. the bus suddenly moving made their stomach growl. and letting of their bag to hold on their stomach. the care taker asked "what's wrong ???? you let go... r u gonna ..." "no. stop.u will make me.stop.talking abt it"(they hated vomit so much thinking abt it makes them gag) the sickie was shaking. they messed up dropping the bag and it flew away. they caretaker getting their jacket just incase yk they vomit. after the bus stops again. a couple and a 2 ppl (4 alltogether)decided to sit in the back. their stomach hurts so much... they started crying. the bus started moving more . 2 more stops till their stop. they gagged. letting go of their hand on their face. "I'm gonna-" the caretaker getting the jacket and hugging the sickie to cover them . they threw up on the caretaker. the couple moved away in disgust whilst the 2 other ppl stayed. just on their phone. "ppl r looking...." "I want to leave.. " "''dont worry , no1 is looking'' the care taker grabbed their bag looking for a (idk the word but it's like a towel but not , you stick it on some1 face and it cools them down) they place it on the sickie. they sickie just dry heaving at this point. they said "sorry.." it's ok. - ¿ ¡ ૮₍ 𖦹 ˕ ×` ₎ა ! ? / 🧛🏻‍♀️ , which haikyuu character do you think this is? also very bad prompt :). again,not a request.

This sounds a lot like Kunimi to me, but I'm also getting Kita, Ennoshita, and Jin (Soekawa) from this. Maybe Yamaguchi too.

For Kunimi, his primary caretaker is the sweet but helpless Kindaichi. Kindaichi really means well, but he's terrible at taking care of sick people, so he just makes everything worse for Kunimi in the end. The rest of Seijoh ends up helping eventually, but it's just Kindaichi for a while, and he does not handle that well. Kunimi basically takes care of himself while Kindaichi stands in a corner muttering apologies. After this incident, Kindaichi resolves to be a better caretaker and starts doing research and taking first aid classes later on.

Kita's primary caretaker is Aran. He's much more competent than Kindaichi and takes good care of Kita for as long as the captain needs it. There isn't much to say after the incident because Aran handles everything so well.

Ennoshita is stuck with the other benched 2nd years (Kinoshita and Narita). They're okay caregivers but nothing special. Ennoshita is the most nurturing of their trio, and with him out of commission, Kinoshita and Narita do their best to help their friend. Ennoshita still has to do some things for himself, but Kinoshita and Narita can at least know the basics of taking care of someone, so Ennoshita still has it better than Kunimi.

Jin gets two caretakers too because why not. His caretakers are Reon and Semi. Both are very experienced with taking care of others and are the unofficial team parents, so Jin has it very good. He recovers pretty quickly thanks to the excellent care he receives from Semi and Reon.

Yamaguchi's primary caretaker is obviously Tsukishima. Daichi and Suga try to help too, but Yamaguchi gets panicked by anyone who isn't Tsuki, so Tsuki has to deal with basically everything. Tsuki also ends up calling Akiteru for help because he's just so out of his depth caring for another person. Akiteru, on the other hand, took care of Tsuki for years and is a wonderful caregiver. Yamaguchi recovers well with the comforting presence of his best friend and the lovely caretaking of Akiteru.

[sovengarde]

i hate to vent in public but at this point my notes app is filling up and i have no where else to let this out

i really fucking hate being mentally ill. i fucking hate that i blow up at small things and push everyone away. i always fuck everything up, one way or another. everything is always my fault.

my mother has a friend she wants us to stay with but i hate it over there. im trying not to sound like some stoner cali dude but literally the vibe there makes me physically sick. by the time we're leaving, or fuck even before then, im just so drained of any energy it's not even funny. like i cant fall asleep to save my life but as soon as we get home im passed out, provided i didnt do that in the car.

but because the situation at home isnt great either she wanted us to stay with her. and normally i just say no i dont and it never really escalates but when the whole fight that happened last week between my mother and grandfather that denial was fought by her. i told her i didnt want to go into detail and she got upset but i figured it wouldnt be a problem like any other time.

so she leaves for a week to spend some time there and i locked myself in my room for the week. it felt nice to be by myself and not on edge all the time. because being around her is also draining. fuck she even said she had an amazing time. i've been trying to convince her to go back next week lol.

i walk on eggshells around my own mother. anytime she does anything remotely wrong i have to just sit and take it, because god forbid i bring up any concern to her. she shuts down and then a few hours later im being guilt tripped into apologizing. lather rinse repeat for the 19 years ive been alive.

honestly i wouldve rather have been raised like she was and not allowed to talk about anything at all. rather than her telling me i can talk about anything and when i actually do she throws it back into my face and blows up at me.

i have so many vivid memories of her losing her shit over things ive said. like the time i first came out and she screamed at me that i wasnt transgender bc i didnt fit the fuckin description of the 2 episodes of i am jazz she watched.

or when i told her about my suicidal thoughts and i had to coax her into the driveway bc she was standing in the street saying stuff like "well i should just let a car run me over!"

oh and then the time where she was screaming though the walls of my bedroom that "you should just get emancipated! how about you just fucking leave!" i used to have a fuckin recording of that but when my fb got closed i lost it.

just recently with my new psychiatrist i told her about the bpd diagnosis, side note i fuckin knew i had it since 10th grade, her gut reaction was "yea well i have all kinds of cancer! sorry go on" she fuckin """""""apologized"""""" after that. that literally told me her actual thoughts on my mental health, and that either she doesnt believe me or just doesnt fucking care

and then if i bring it up and she gaslights me telling me that shed never say anything like that. listen idk if you know this but traumatic events kinda stick in your brain for your entire life. i can hear her screaming at me when i think about these times, i can almost see it, it's like im actually there again.

but of course it's always my fault. shes on the phone with my aunt i think talking about "well that plans just not gonna happen." so blatantly in front of me. sitting in the bathroom of her office building damn near nauseous from the stress and then were gonna go home and shes either gonna keep being angry or try and act like itll never happen.

shit like this is why im constantly high now. because at least she'll leave me alone when im high. honestly with how things are going my racist, transphobic, and man baby grandfather starts to look less horrible compared to her. because at least he wont fuckin allow me to let my guard down and then spit in my face.

im so fucming exhausted, im quite literally at my wits end. ive only been in such a deep depression in highschool and i tried to game end myself. literally what the fuck am i supposed to do. i only have like 1 friend i can talk to and i hate putting shit on her, shes got enough on her plate as is. i dont have a therapist anymore. my psychiatrist doesnt like to talk about what's going on bc hes afraid of weed and only schedules meetings that are 30 minutes long.

worst part is i cant fuckin cry. i wanna let these emotions out but after years of pushing them down my """""""normal""""""" is unbareable numbness. i dont feel anything whatsoever. i react inappropriately in most situations. im just in a constant detached state, when i finally see through my own thick shit im terrified of who ive become, that is if i can even recognize my own face.

but from a very early age it was beaten into me that showing weakness to anyone will get me hurt so i stopped. moms even commented that i dont react in normal ways. shes told me she doesnt believe i have panic attacks as often as i do because im not outwardly freaking out. firstly theres multiple kinds of panic attacks. secondly everytime im shaking and suffocating i get yelled at. told im making too big a deal out of what's going on and that i need to stop. so i fuckin suppressed it.

but of course it's all my fault for being actually unable to regulate my fucking emotions and for being so distant and unstable all the time. it’s funny when im not making up my own problems actual issues destroy me. idk man im just. im really tired. 

[jenniez-tv]

HIPEC surgery (warning - photos of my abdomen after surgery will be shown)

The night before surgery I was on clear liquids only.. that was hard when all my family members kept talking about food and dessert.. the stomach growl was real. Haha. I spent the night playing mahjong with my family up until I had to pack and get ready to leave the house. An all nighter. Weeee. I really didn’t care to sleep since I don’t usually sleep til the morning anyways and I would be sleeping a lot in the hospital so it was whatever.

My aunt, mom, and I leave to go to the hospital around 4am (super early). We arrive, I’m sent to preop to get ready and I am super nervous.. I realized I forgot to take my anti anxiety Med before leaving the house.. UGH. I ask the nurse if she can ask the doc to give me one while I’m waiting and she said the Anesthesologist can give me something when they are ready to wheel me to the OR. Like wtf? How is that helpful? Why would I need anxiety meds right before I go to sleep for the freaking surgery?!? I need it for the 2hrs of waiting!!! She didn’t even bother to ask! Ughhhh.. like why? She is supposed to be an advocate for me.. Was not happy with her.. then she told me to relax.. HAHA. Glad I won’t see her again. Rude.

Me waiting at preop

Anywho.. next thing I know I’m awake in PACU. I’m groggy and in pain.. and of course felt myself up all over my abdomen to make sure I didn’t get a ileostomy bag. Thank god I did not! I did have a jp drain though. The Dr said he removed the organs he planned on-the uterus, ovaries, omentum, gallbladder along with 3 small things he found in my abdomen. I have no idea where and how big they were. They don’t think they are tumors but the pathology results have not come back yet.. feels like forever waiting for results.. either way, im glad it was found and removed. (Update- the results came back benign! Negative for cancer!)

I’m moved to the ICU and get hooked up to so much equipment. I stayed in the ICU for 2.5days. I had 2 iv’s, an arterial line, Foley catheter, NG tube, JP drain and a wound vac. My throat hurt so damn bad.. every time I swallowed it hurt.. that NG tube fked up my throat. I was also a not allowed eat or drink anything for 2 days until they took it out. I could not wait! Post op day 1 was a killer for me. Just trying to sit up made me cry. They wanted me to walk down the hall while pushing the wheelchair. I literally looked like a old person who has the hump back and couldnt stand straight while walking. The poor nurses were pretty much holding my weight lol. Even helping me scoot up on the bed hurt. My family said my entire body and face was super swollen . I just pictured the scene in Willy wonka and the chocolate factory where that girl turned into a huge blueberry. 🤭 I think the most annoying part of ICU was when they kept giving me blood pressure medication and IV fluids to increase my blood pressure. I normally have low BP like 80-90/50-60 told everyone. Apparently the Med surg unit (Unit I would be at until I get discharged) doesn’t like BP’S under 90. I mean seriously, I can’t be the only one with normal low BP’s.. With all the fluids during and after surgery.. I was 15lbs heavier. Ahh! I know it’s all water weight but damn that’s a lot of water weight. They also gave me potassium and it was so uncomfortable on my veins. Anyone can tell you it hurts..even when it’s diluted. It fked up my veins where on The last night in the ICU I had to get one of my IV’s replaced because anything that went through it (even saline) hurt . It was hurting even if nothing was running.

Anyways, I get cleared and transfer up to the medsurg unit. I was actually feeling pretty good considering just having surgery. I get my NG tube removed and am allowed teeny bits of water/ice. FINALLY. My throat can now get better! By the time I transferred I was making laps around the unit. I also get my wound vac removed. It was so painful because I developed a lot of blisters on the edges of the tape from the wound vac. It looked pretty gross. (Picture below). When they removed it, all the blisters broke and they even rubbed over it pulling the skin off. Then, one of my ivs stopped working so it had to be taken out. Luckily this unit only requires one IV not two like the ICU so I didn’t need it replaced.

Picture of the blisters

Picture of my incision with the wound vac and the jp drain.

Picture of my incision and blisters after wound vac removed

The next morning is where everything went downhill. I got super nauseous and eventually threw up 900cc of bile. My temp was around 101 degrees, and eventually got up to 103. I also had other signs/symptoms that showed that I got septic to something. I had to be transferred back to the ICU. Because they were not 100% sure where the infection came from (they had 2 guesses) I got 2 antibiotics that would treat both areas. My white blood cell count also dropped dramatically to 0.98 and my anc 0.74. This means that I was very susceptible to getting more infections. People had to wear a mask when they come to my room and I had to wear one when I left the room. The good news is my fever went away pretty quickly and I started feeling better. My wbc kept going up and down... I’m hoping it keeps trending up because I cannot leave the hospital until my wbc goes up and becomes stable. EEP.

While I was back in the ICU I had to get a second iv placed.. so now I have had 4 iv’s so far not including the arterial line). I’m connected to all the machines again and it takes forever for me to get to the bathroom since they have to disconnect all the monitors and attach it to a portable one so they made me use a bedside commode instead. Bedside commode?!?! The thought is just gross. I’m peeing and pooping in a room with just a curtain blocking the view. What if someone walked in to talk to me in the middle of my session? It was so nerve wrecking. I’ve cleaned up patients bedside commodes before and it’s fine but now can say that I really understand why patients apologized all the time.

After another 2 days in the icu and being septic.. And another iv needing to be replaced bc it infiltrated.. (apparently my veins are mad weak from all the meds and chemo) (now iv #5) I am finally better to go back to the Med surg unit. I’m transferred back and it feels so nice to use abnormal bathroom again. I’m still only allowed clear fluid and honestly.. even that was hard to do. I had to drink a minimum of 800cc a day and it was a struggle. So many days of not eating and drinking screwed me up. Plus I kept having this underlying nausea that just wouldn’t go away. It turned out I had a small ileus as well- A complication that can happen from abdominal surgery.

Everyday I got blood drawn twice a day.. and lovenox which is a blood thinner to prevent blood clots. Prior to lovenox, they were giving me heparin (which is 3 times a day..). My body was full of bruises all over.

Picture of some of the bruises on my arms. I had a bunch on my thighs too..

Anywho, I’m finally allowed to eat.. and man that was more of a struggle than drinking.. I would take one or two bites and be done.. it didn’t help that the hospital food was completely disgusting.. even simple foods you think they can’t mess up on.. was just gross. I was asked by family what I felt like eating so they can bring it.. but honestly I had no appetite at all. Completely different from when I was on steroids and eating nonstop.. lol. But I tried.. hard.. to eat and drink enough. They wanted to start me on tpn which is the total nutrition through a central line.. and I was not about to have it. I gave a hard hell no.

I could barely sleep.. it just felt like my stomach was being pulled or stretched apart when I moved.. was woken up non stop for meds/ vitals.. when I was able to doze off.. my days pretty much consisted of eating, taking a couple laps around the unit, napping, and repeat. I was still getting some iv fluids to help keep me hydrated.. and of course.. another iv infiltrates.. and another iv had to get started... I had a total of 6iv’s and an arterial line.. it was utterly ridiculous.. I had no more places for ivs! And I freaking hate ivs and getting poked.. but that’s all I got during this stay.. so many I lost count.. sigh..

On and off during my stay but especially the last couple of days, I had severe lower right abdomenal pain that was sharp and jabby. I prevented me from moving at all.. it was downright horrible and worse than my incision.. no one knew what it was from but I guessed maybe the drain that was inside.. I got a ct scan done and it didn’t show anything there but the drain so I got it removed.. the pain immediately disappeared!! It was such a relief!! No pain meds helped at all.. not even the slightest.. so having that relief felt so good. The drain coming out though.. felt like so much pressure and it felt like the spot that hurt was getting pulled on. I swear that drain was stuck there or something.. it was a good amount in my stomach.. I didn’t realize how much of the drain just sat in there.. kinda gross. And yes, I watched the whole thing... hahah.

Another complication I have is that my left upper thigh is numb.. and has been numb.. it never got and still hasn’t gotten any better.. I thought it was the duramorph I got during surgery but after a week it seemed unlikely.. the dr says that it’s most likely because the retractor they used to hold my abdomen opened was pressed on my thigh nerve since I’m smaller than the average patient and dmged it from it being compressed for 8hrs.. he says it will take weeks to months for my leg to return to normal.. hopefully.. but that there is a chance it won’t.. god I hope it comes back. It feels so weird and annoying to have the top of my thigh permanently numb ...

Finally my wbc is stable and continuing to trend upward (although still low) and I’m allowed to go home.. I could not wait to see my babies (my dogs), my family, and just sleep in my own bed!!

Sorry, I know this post was all over the place... i wrote parts of it at different times.. which is why some seems present and some past tense.. and I’m honestly not in the mood to go and fix it all. I will post again how my recovery is going at home soon.

Thank you all for your love and support. ❤️

[mlmrhodey-moved]

things that have been happening (are still happening) tonight that I'm not pleased about

i choked on my literal breath for a good 20 seconds and genuinely thought I was going to die

i have been on a coughing fit since 1:45am - it's 4:56am now

haven't stopped crying

i puked in the bathroom once, in my mouth twice

my nose is stuffed so i can't breathe, and since I've been coughing for literal hours, my gag reflex is fucked up and I've been swallowing air

i can't stop crying

my mom won't take me to the doctor and my dad is out so I'm fucked

i already took a medicine - it isn't working

i am really tired

i can't stop crying

I'm writing this while sitting in the bathroom floor bc I'm so nauseous that i literally can't leave

my body hurts

i can't fucking stop crying

[3x3racha]

Stray Kids Reaction: Their s/o passing away

A/N: Thanks for requesting! I love angst too. Sorry I made them long and it was kind of hard to find gifs to go with the reactions. Also, I recommend listening to ‘Another Me’ by Min Chae to set the mood, or just watch ‘Black’ it’s such an angsty kdrama that I haven’t been able to get out of my head for months. Anyways, hope you like it!

~Admin Yeong ☾

Chan: Once he got news that you died his eyes would tear up. “What?” He’d take a deep breath trying to calm himself down. He starts to choke up. “Oh god,” he said in full realization, he’d excuse himself. He tries so hard to act and look strong, but he can’t hide his crying. Especially at night, he cries harder. The times he’s staying up late for work and you’d normally scold him for it, now left him waiting for that text. The text he’d never receive again would break him down once more. He’d try to release his grieving by making music as an outlet. He’d start to overwork himself further to try to find something to feel the void in his chest. The boys try to help him and although he appreciates it, he wants to remain strong for them. He wants to be a great leader and set a good example.

“I’m fine guys. Really. I’m o- I’m okay. I will be at least, for Y/n.”

Woojin: Upon hearing that you passed away, he’d be in denial at first. He slowly shakes his head, not wanting to believe what he’s hearing. His breath becomes heavier as it feels like there’s a weight pressing down on his lungs. His hands begin to shake and tears slip out. He’d try to get his mind focused on other things, by singing and playing guitar but everything reminded him of you. All the good times you had, even the bad but any memory he had of you he cherished bc you were the light of his life. Now that the light had burned out, he was left in darkness. No one expected that your death would hold such a dark cloud over his head, unable to get rid of. The boys did everything to help him through this. Woojin would try his hardest to move forward, knowing that’s what you would want for him.

“E-everywhere I look, I see a part of y/n. I can’t help it. It’s tearing me apart.”

Lee Know (Minho): As he hears what happened, his breath becomes hitched as his lips start quivering, his eyes darting around the room. He quickly becomes overwhelmed and nauseous. He quickly leaves the room, locking himself in the nearest room of isolation. He sobs loudly while throwing pillows out of anger. It takes forever for the members to get him to open the door. Once he does, Jisung comes in and hugs him as Minho cries about how unfair it is. He breaks down, practically groveling to his knees. He tries to carry on, but he’s constantly pulled back by the memories of you. He starts to internalize all his feelings and tries to put on this facade that he’s okay. But he still can’t bring himself to smile, he couldn’t even fake it.  

“Why them? Y/n didn’t deserve this! Why couldn’t it’d been me?”

Changbin: He’s skeptical at first when he hears what happened. Thinking that there’s been a mistake. It couldn’t possibly be his Y/n, right?  His eyes fill with tears and rage not wanting to believe any of this. He’s hurt and super bitter about the situation. He backs out of the room needing a minute to process everything. He clenches his jaw as tears start streaming down his face. He tries so hard to stop them but ends up choking on his cries. He grips his phone pressing the home button as the screen illuminates with the lockscreen of you two. His grip tightens before he throws the phone across the room. This causes Felix to go knock on his door to check on him. Felix walks in and sees Changbin on his knees sobbing. Felix comforts him and becomes Changbin’s anchor to help him through all of this. Felix tries to keep him cheerful afterward but everyone notices how depressed and emotionless he’s now become.

“You’re wrong! They-they can’t be dead! They can’t die!”

Hyunjin: When they were explaining your death, Hyunjin stares at the floor hoping no one saw the tears dropping onto the ground. Seungmin asks him if he’s okay and Hyunjin quickly nods, still staring at the ground, before storming off to the bathroom. He slams the door and quickly turns on the faucet and shower, hoping that the sound of water running drowns out the sound of his cries. He throws his back against the wall before sinking down, sitting on the floor as he sobs trying to figure out how this could’ve happened. He feels betrayed by your death, he doesn’t blame you, he just thinks the whole situation is unfair. The boys would try to comfort him and he’d try to reassure them that he’s fine. He tries to cover up his pain and act like everything’s okay but he goes through moments where he can’t hold back his tears any longer. He still tries to wipe them away like it’s nothing, but it’s honestly affecting his mental state so much.

“Why’d you have to go, y/n? What do I do now?! I need you!”

Han (Jisung): He starts crying hard and he gets this pain in his stomach due to grief. Your death takes a toll on both his mental and physical state. He tries to keep his breakdown to a minimal which doesn’t work and he collapses to the floor trying to breathe. He can’t calm down enough to steady his breathing. The boys try to help him and comfort him but it’s almost like he’s in a trace. It’s like the world had stopped, he can’t see anything around him, and all he hears is white noise. He’s only focused on the fact that you’re dead and gone. He feels like he’s drowning and his head is going to explode. Once he calms down a little bit more from his panic attack, he still couldn’t focus on anything else. He’d really detach himself from the group, the members try their best to help him. Jisung tries to act okay for them, but every night he reflects and sobs. He feels like he lost apart of him when you died.

“No. No. Please. Please tell me this is a joke. It can’t be true. I will lose my mind if they’re dead!”

Felix: He can’t help the tears that are falling as he tries to swallow his heartache. He’d try to speak but nothing would come out. He’d start crying harder the more it sunk in. He’d go hug one of the boys and cry into them. Our bright sunshine boy is thrown into a dark place where he can’t come out of. He cries for weeks, mourning your absence. He tries to get over it and move on, but when his mind drifts and he spaces out, he can’t help but think of you. He has random breakdowns about it and he feels as if he’s lost who he is and can’t seem to grasp onto any happiness for longer than a second. Every time he laughs, he goes to look at you but you’re not there. He lost the one he loved most, the one he’d always laugh with. Now the cold reality would hit him every time he’d want to share a joke with you.

“I can’t take this! Y/n was my everything. They meant the world to me and now they’re gone. How do I even go on?”

Seungmin: When he was told that you had passed away, he starts breathing heavy as he tries to talk himself through this. He tries to be calm and rational but how could he when your death wasn’t even rational and he couldn’t understand why it had to happen. He’d take a few minutes to himself as he quietly wept. His grieving is released in smaller doses in a longer time stamp. His biggest sobs could be heard as he looked back at old photos of you two. He creates a bad habit of crying himself to sleep, holding a Polaroid of you. He realizes the late night talks with you about the future and all the promises you made could never be fulfilled. They could never happen now that you're dead and it tore him apart. It wasn’t supposed to end like this, not in this way. He’d fake a smile and wave the boys on telling them he’s doing great when he’s really not. They know he’s not. They could hear him sob every night, quietly whispering to you hoping you’d hear him somehow.

“Y/n, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry this happened to you. To us. I wish you were here. I could really use you right now. I need you in my life. Come back.”

I.N (Jeongin): He doesn’t know what to do or how to deal with any of this. At first, he wants to believe that it’s just a joke. When he realizes that it’s not, he starts hyperventilating and panicking. When a member tries to hug and comfort him he pushes them away more harshly than he intended. He frantically locks himself in his room tears building up in his eyes as his hands tighten into fists. His sobs are a mixture of sadness and angst. He’s so confused on how this could happen, especially to the love of his young life. He’d push everyone away, not intentionally he just couldn’t handle anything anymore. He didn’t know how to deal with this. This mood would go on for weeks. His grieving is released sporadically and impulsively. He throws small angry tantrums and then cries into his pillow for a couple hours. The boys would have to approach him with caution when it came to comfort. It had to be when Jeongin was ready. They couldn’t rush him into it. Once he gives in he starts getting back to normal. But if he’s having a bad day, thoughts of you would flood his mind since you always helped him. It’s times like this where he would go back to his angry grieving state again.

“W-what? Hyung, no. How am I supposed to take this?! Y-y/n is gone! Forever. I-I don’t know if I can handle this...”

Send your requests here!

~Admin Yeong ☾

[transfireboy]

1.10.19 - day 1

i am miserable

generally, i mean, but i dont regret it

i barely slept last night. it hurt a lot to constantly move around and try to figure out the best way to lie down, and there was so much pressure on my back and shoulders and i couldnt get it right. i started crying around 3am on my first attempt to settle down and sleep bc it was so hard, and the pain meds for my chest were wearing off and i was beginning to have a headache so every part of me was in pain and it hurt to breathe and i just cried and cried. then i gave up on sleeping until i could take another pain med at 6am and picked up my switch and played with my cute eevee zooey whom i adore

i then took my meds at 6, opened my binder for a few minutes to breathe, and fell asleep a little later. i slept for 6 hours before i was woken up and had to clean my drains, but when morgan took me to the bathroom i suddenly felt woozy and nauseous and hot all over. i havent been squeamish abt the fluid in my drains but for some reason i couldnt look at it and couldnt sit straight up so morgan had to empty them for me. then i went back to bed and morgan had to go out so my sister came in to be with me and make sure i stayed asleep

im awake now but i really just want to sleep all day bc i didnt sleep enough last night and i think ive figured it out. it is easier to fall asleep again once ive been asleep and i found a good position so i just want to take advantage of it as much as possible. my mom brought me food though so i have smth in my stomach and i feel better like that at least

morgan should be coming back soon... he has been an absolute blessing during this process. an angel. the real mvp. the love of my life. he has just gone above and beyond for me, constantly, and its only the first day. i cant stress enough how thankful i am for him. im gay

[strwbrrysteam]

july 30th, 2021

6:50

it’s like the only thing she fucking cares about is this stupid fucking room it’s like the only thing i amount to to her is how clean my room is and the things i accomplish. she didn’t even say good morning. she just started commenting on how dirty my room is. i cant even sit in the living room in peace. that why i like it better at night time i feel more at ease when she’s finally asleep cause she always has shit to say. i just got all my stuff and left out of the living room with the cats bc she was getting on my nerves. saying i made no progress on my room when she SAW me take my shit in the garage like she told me to. then had the fucking nerve to act like she forgot. she’s so fucking annoying. i hate it when she does that bullshit. because even tho she complain abt my room when i actually clean she act like she can’t see it. like??? ik it’s sounds like i’m being dramatic and being a brat but i literally barely wanna get out of bed in the morning. she makes me never want to leave my room to the point we’re i’d rather piss in a bucket or a old fucking gas station cup than leave my room. then i told her my stomach hurts and i feel like im going to throw up. which i do and basically said she doesn’t believe me. and said “i’ve lied before” first of all usually i don’t but when i do why do you fucking think so?? the only times i really lie abt not feeling good is when there was school bc it literally DRAINED me. like i would go to the bathroom and just cry. i skipped classes to CRY. excuse me for wanting a break from that. my sister literally got sent home from work bc she threw up and it’s that out of this world to think that i might be nauseous too?? bitch we both got vaccinated fuck you. she never believes me and she never takes my side on anything. and that’s been since i was little and she’d always deny it but it’s true. she’d literally gaslight me into question MY experiences like i was there girl??? she would always deny it but it’s true and she still does it now. i feel kinda bad for crying abt this shit bc ppl have it so much worse than me and i’m basically crying by my mommy told me to clean my room ;((( which when i think abt it i feel fucking spoilt and stupid. so i stopped. i don’t rlly care that much anymore but it pissed me off and made me kinda sad. i’m over it now. my arm is getting sore and tired. i’m gonna try and watch some more of this new show i’m watching. it’s on netflix and it’s called never have i ever i rlly like it. had to take a break from typing for a sec my arm is rlly tired. and i’m getting kinda sleepy. she said she has to talk to a lawyer but when she gets home she expects me to get up. literally smd. okay rant over ig this was dumb.

feeling: neutral

[inverseofconverse]

I am Thriving AND having the Time Of My Life

On Sunday I got bit by a tick and my entire left shoulder is red and swollen and burning hot and it hurts so bad and today I went to see a doctor about it bc uh it’s red and swollen and getting bigger. And I needed a tetanus shot before I go on a mission trip next next week so I got one today at the clinic and if you don’t know tetanus shots Hurt for like three days after so my right arm is also in pain AND I’m on my period AND for some reason my skin decided to be super sensitive tonight and get angry at my clothes so literally my entire body hurt while I was AT WORK in A STORE where lots of movement and being nice to people is required and I was already on edge bc everything hurts and I don’t have full range of motion without pain and then I found an entire closet on the floor of THREE fitting rooms and I snapped, literally, snapped a hanger AND IT CUT MY HAND. I started crying and I couldn’t get to the bandaids bc my manager was in the bathroom and it I was an awful mess.

THEN I finally left work and it took me 5 times as long to get to my car because I was in such pain. I get home, I’m freezing, I have a fever of over one hundred degrees. Yes. That’s right. I have a FEVER of ONE HUNDRED POINT SEVEN DEGREES. I wrap myself in a blanket and lay down, shivering, on the couch next to my dad. After a bit he goes to bed and drags me upstairs with him, I take the antibiotic they gave me at the doctor as well as a painkiller and about 20 minutes later I throw up because I took them on an empty stomach, which it says is fine to do. With or without food.

Anyways I’m exhausted and now I’m hot again, good that my fever broke, bad that I threw up and am still a little nauseous and have to sleep sitting up.

I’m tired of this and it’s only been a few hours, this weekend is going to be fun.