#and so should YOU (the invisible audience im pointing at)

[iznsfw]

You are now obliged to write an Eunbi smut

Waterbombed

IZ*ONE's Kwon Eunbi x Male Reader Smut

5,835 words

Categories | daddy kink, anal, jealousy, squirting, breast worship, fingering, titfucking, spanking, slight exhibitionism

Sorry not sorry for the Eunbi spam—I promise I'll write the other members and other idols after this. Waterbomb Festival Eunbi is just too hot.

Enjoy.

Tokki 🐰: oppaaaaaaaaa

This can't be good. Eunbi's bombing your phone again with ridiculous messages designed to attract your attention. It won't work today, though. You've got a lot to do, and besides that, she's equally busy. She's out there performing in some festival Woollim booked, and it's safe to say that it should have brought about only peace in your office cubicle. No videos, no flirty texts, no nada—that's how it should have been.

But one thing you've learned when dating Kwon Eunbi is to expect the unexpected. Too bad you didn't keep that in mind when you finally gave in and picked up your phone. Work can wait for a few minutes, right?

You: What is it ?

Tokki 🐰: have you seen my performance yet :]

You don't think so. The day's been too packed to make space for a quick watch.

You: Not yet love im busy

Tokki 🐰: you should oppa

becauseeeee

i really enjoyed performing at the waterbomb festival!!!!!

Waterbomb Festival?

Isn't that—

It slowly hits you, as if the information were a hesitant slap on the shoulder. Thoughts come blending into each other in your head and forming a quaky conclusion. Could it be…?

Open another tab on your work desktop. You quickly flock to YouTube. Never mind if your boss sees the history through the internet router. You have to know if your suspicions are true. 

Your experienced fingers spell out a search query into the curved search bar. In flash-paced impulse, you type out: "권은비 워터밤."

Then there it is: several fan-recorded videos of your girlfriend, your ever-so-precious and playful Eunbi, dressed in nothing but a flimsy bikini top and a see-through cardigan. Her hair is soaked from the sprays and shots of water coming at her, but she's smiling—she looks like she's having the time of her life.

The played previews of the videos are endless loops of her chest rippling and bouncing with her wide movements, even cutting to a clip where she's running her hands up her exposed body, grinding her hips down as if you were there on the stage with her, invisible yet still present. 

No wonder she didn't want you to attend. You insisted, but she asked that you did what you had to do. 

You're a good man. At least, you try to be. Eunbi's her own person and you're completely fine with whatever she does, even suggesting the kinds of tattoos she could pick out when she went to get some. They're what gave you the inked places to kiss her.

But she knows what she was doing with this. It's impossible not to discern that.

Look around before closing the tab with shivering breaths, then pick up your phone.

You: ????? 

You told me it was a festival

Not the WATERBOMB festival

Tokki 🐰: oh come on whats the difference 

and you don't own me >:(

i can do whatever i want

:PPPPP

She's got a point, but her intent with this is so obvious, with the lewd expressions she fires the audience and all, that—

You: Oh

So that's how it's going to be, huh.

It's maddening how your picture of her jumping around giggling as she types another message to you is probably accurate. 

Tokki 🐰: yes :3

can you come pick me up?? 

The audacity of this girl sometimes.

But forget it; as any good boyfriend would, you're picking her up. You'll do more than pick her up. 

-

Getting there in the guise of her manager isn't easy. You've had to negotiate with him, explaining that you'll pick her up on your own and save him the trouble. I'm a friend of hers, you said. I just want to congratulate her performance, you added. He gave you suspicious looks, but once he saw her name in your contacts, he ultimately agreed.

Driving through the crowd isn't easy either, but you manage to do it. You have your emotions to thank for that. Lust and jealousy, as you've learned, are like demons—they possess you, control you to the point that they invade other aspects of your life. Asmodeus sure likes tinkering with you, and you're just sitting there in the driver's seat letting him? If that's the case, you'd have to attend the Waterbomb Festival itself to wash yourself of hell's flame.

Heat begins to fill the room when you see her though. You'd adlib a pun into the script here, say a joke about how it's only hot because Eunbi is. But you're too turned on by the sight of her tits on display, poorly contained by the thin bikini and held together by one single button of the transparent cardigan.

Her smile pushes you on. She knows what you're here for, but she loves playing dumb as much as she loves provoking you. It's all going according to her plan.

Every bit of her insane curves sway in an aesthetic, almost rehearsed way at you as she approaches. Her hair is still wet, and maybe there's another thing wet, too; her thighs squirm together too much to be merely out of the soaked sprays aimed at her at the festival.

Eunbi's eyes sparkle. Makeup can't fabricate that glimmer.

"Daddy," she says, with conviction. With meaning. 

The hair on the back of your nape rises.

Eunbi's pushing you to the empty seat in the room, soon filling your lap with her soft presence. "You really came? I thought you were mad at Eunbi."

There she is again with the third-person thing. The daddy thing, too. She knows it's your weakness, hearing a pretty girl like her who pretends not to know of her effect on people get on her knees and call you what she shouldn't. You won't lie; it's insanely hot, but when she's grinding her round ass down on your growing bulge with that tiny bite of her lower lip, you, as usual, aren't passive. You aren't moved by her coaxing. You refuse to be. 

"Watch it," you warn anyway, a hand on one of her womanly hips. You massage it, a cautionary message written in your movements. Now you brush a thumb over her midriff and draw small gasps out of her.

"I'm n-not doing anything." 

Innocent as her voice is, her outfit isn't—the patterned bikini top barely holds on to her plentiful breasts, and the cardigan is useless anyway with how clear its seams are. 

"Daddy," Eunbi says again, the pout on her lipsticked mouth growing, "don't tease."

"I'm not doing anything," you say, happy to use her line against her. 

You love and live to see the weak expressions on her face when you trail your hands gently to the scope of her tits. If they barely fit the bikini, what more in your hands? They're too soft in your fingers as you gingerly toy with them. Her nipples poke the fabric of the top and brush your palms.

Eunbi's gasps frequent. "Please."

"What is this, baby?" you ask. "You go to a festival made for perverts and you make a scene anyway. And now you want me to take this off—"

Unbutton the single thing holding the cardigan together, slipping it off her shoulders. The bare, revealed body in front of you is something the Waterbomb Festival goers were able to see first—just under the gauze of the poor outerwear. It triggers an unhinged emotion in you, something that goes like: mine mine mine.

"—call you a good girl—"

Eunbi's lips are pursed as you touch her everywhere. She's completely soaked after her viral feat at the festival, but there's another thing down below that's wetter. Showing herself off to everybody, men and women alike, has her wet to the core. 

Your touch teases yet lingers, stays yet strays. She grinds down on your lap needily. 

"—and expect me to fuck you? Really?"

Eunbi's truly all bark but no bite. Her feistiness through texts doesn't translate in real life, wherein she completely melts when you just let your fingertips glide along her waiting skin. Just look at her heaving bosom, her large eyes—she's passiveness itself.

"But you, you liked seeing me up there, daddy," she stammers. Eunbi swallows the moment your hand rests on her cheek. "H-hah, you liked watching me."

She cries out too loud for subtleness at the sudden spank thrown at her tits. 

"Is this what you wanted those men at the festival to do to you?" Slap her bouncing tits again, squeezing before throwing another blow. "Slap your big fucking tits, dick you down right there on the stage for everyone to see?"

"Mmm, ah, you ask too many questions, daddy. Oh– oh my god—"

"If you want to be such a bad girl," you say, a harsh squeeze from your right hand on her boob, "you'll get fucked like one."

Pull down the narrow cup of the bikini to suck on her nipples. Replace the redness on the flesh from your slaps to redness from your mouth. You've placed your hand on skirted ass to keep her on your lap, because she's not going anywhere—she'll stay here, here where you can teach her a lesson. 

You dare to bite just a little. Beneath your palm, Eunbi's form curves and she screams.

"D-daddy!" 

"Sensitive, aren't we?" you ask with a smirk. Your tongue flattens as it licks greedily at her nipples, then retreating to her collarbone and neck. Still, her bountiful breasts are your main focus. 

"Please fuck me. I need it, I can't—"

"Take the skirt off. Bend over." 

Eunbi whines, but you fire her with a look of warning. Hence, she slips out of the white jean skirt. She doesn't even wear safety shorts underneath. Instead, it's a single thong that matches the plaid pattern of the top. She might as well be at a beach with how little clothing there is on her curvaceous body.

Your blood boils, but it settles when she does bend over obediently on your lap, and you enjoy the sight of her breasts dangling before settling on the soft plush sofa. 

"Someone might see, daddy," she protests, though she's already folded in half on the furniture. "The others, they're gonna look."

"You had no problem with that earlier," you say. Circle your palm over the exposed fat cheeks and clench your hand around one, just like you did with her tits. "I should fuck you at the door, make everyone see the sexy little thing they saw at the festival is mine."

"Noooo, please, daddy! The company'll be mad and my fans…oh, my fans—"

"Quiet, baby girl. Let me use you."

Eunbi nods, albeit her shadowed eyes are closed. She whimpers through pursed lips as the first spank capsizes. Her ass moves beautifully, as if it were a dancer just like her. It's hypnotizing, and for that you hit her more. 

"Oh, oh yes, daddy, oh my god," she cries out, her voice thin. "I love it when you spank me. M-makes me want to cum all over you."

"Not a chance after the shit you pulled out there."

Her thong is sticky with her juices. Feel it with your middle finger briefly. Dare to slip through the side to touch her waiting pussy. Eunbi sobs a little, reversing her ass into you, but is met with a spank instead. She winces.

Eunbi's ass is, to be brief, amazing. But even with that you'll go on to say how much you love the supple flesh bouncing in front of you, becoming red from the assault of your hand, clenching to bear the teasing. It's already a surprise that you haven't fucked her senseless already when she's lying stomach first on your lap in a tiny two-piece set, but you love to keep her on edge hankering for you to use her. 

"So you won't let me cum?" asks Eunbi, as if she were really disappointed that she'd be denied something she doesn't deserve. "That's not fair."

"Do you think it's fair to me?" 

"Oh, oh, daddy—" Her legs quake once your fingers nevertheless stuff her hole, and start moving at a pace too early to be set and too much to handle.

Your digits push past her slick walls and fill her over and over. "Presenting what's mine for everyone to see, Kwon Eunbi. And I thought you were a good girl."

"Ohhh, but I am!" Eunbi protests, on the verge of pleasure-induced tears. 

You just know where to touch her, where to fuck her pretty cunt at to reduce her to cum and tears. Nothing's a better combination. Stuff a third finger, and Eunbi gets too tight that you can barely fit. You have to spread your fingers a little to make space, yet she still squeezes down.

Through her struggles and cries she doesn't fail to move her crotch into your fingers. It's like she's in a battle of choices: to have you stop or have you go on forever. 

"I just wanted to have fun, daddy! I wanted you to punish me, to fuck me—"

"Well, you got what you wanted then, little brat. Cum for me. Cum for daddy."

Her screams fire off into the atmosphere like warnings. They have every right to send cautionary messages; Eunbi's a force to be reckoned with when she cums. At times, she'd yell and sob without shame as she came around your cock, tear the sheets with how hard she grasps at their fabric. But now, at a public waiting room backstage at the festival, she's got nowhere and no one to help her bear her orgasm.

So, while you violently fuck her hole with Eunbi-stained digits, her moans start off as what they were, evolving into louder and louder forms, until she's cumming, cumming all over your fingers as if her pussy were one of the water guns itself. Her squirt doesn't miss her thong, but it also doesn't leave your lap empty in its wake.

Oh, and she's screaming. She's crying out your name in pitched tones, carving your thrusts into stronger forces. "Shit, daddy, please!" Eunbi cries, struggling in your lap and squeezing down hard. "Please, daddy, I don't want to ruin your clothes!"

That's sweet of her, but frankly: "I don't care. Cum all over them. Just keep on squirting for me, baby. That's it."

Pull out to rub at her core, forcing more of her girl cum to eject into the air. Eunbi's legs flail and weaken. Her hips gyrate into your finger and flinch after you start spanking her impossibly wet cunt.

"Thank you, daddy," she says between gaspy gibberish and whimpers. She can barely see anything but stars. "My daddy, thank you, daddy, keep spanking my little pussy like that, mmm, I love you, daddy."

Alternate between spanking and rubbing so that the sofa is absolutely stained with her, so that anyone who comes in the room after the session will know that the Kwon Eunbi was railed here. So they know that they can gawk at her amazing body all they want, but she's yours. Yours, and no one else's. 

Eunbi bears it for a few seconds, hips lifting and descending. But it soon becomes too much to bear, for she implores, in a tired voice, "Daddy… stop. Too much."

No problem at all. Stop, like she asked. You never take things too far unless she wants you to, even when she's been bad, which reminds you: "But you're still a bad girl. You need to make it up to daddy."

"I know what to do!" she says, in a sudden cheerful voice she uses when she does her radio gigs. "I can make daddy feel better with this!"

Her legs are still weak, but she gets off your lap with the help of her own eagerness. Eunbi's always so ready to make you feel good.

She kneels, tugging your belt and pants off. Her animated expression at the sight of your cock is adorable, and as you ruffle her hair, you realize you just have to tell her:

"You're so fucking pretty, Eunbi."

Eunbi beams. Her cheeks flush. "Thank you, daddy."

"I bet you'll look even prettier fucking your huge tits on my cock."

"You don't have to tell me what to do," giggles Eunbi. "I'm a big girl."

She completely tears off the bikini top. Her wondrous boobs free themselves from the fabric, baring their flesh to you. It's an attempt to make you drool at the mouth and go bogey-eyed, and you can't say that it isn't successful. 

She squeezes her assets and plays with her nipples. Her fingertips brush and circle over the pink patch of skin as she moans seductively. The knot in your stomach tightens.

"Eunbi," you reprimand her. 

"What?" she says, eyes full of faux innocence. "I was so horny after you fingered me, daddy. You're just so hot when you're mad."

"I'll be madder if you don't let me fuck you."

She laughs. "Don't worry, daddy. Just sit there and relax for me, okay?" Eunbi raises a thumb questioningly.

Lower lip pinned under her teeth, she guides her large breasts to your cock. It takes no effort at all for her to slip your cock between. It's not unexpected either that the big soft skin imprisoning you feels amazing. With their size and impossibly smooth texture, you've no other choice but to moan loudly.

The backside of your length enjoys the space between her tits, while the rounded sides revel in their booby trap. Not a pun, you swear, especially not when your girlfriend's titfucking you, but there's no coherent thought when she's doing it. When she's smiling naughtily. When she's compressing her tits around your length like it's determined to keep you there forever. When—

"You're doing so fucking good, baby."

"Of course," she says happily. "Daddy made me cum even though I was a bad girl, so I'll always be good for him."

"Consider this your punishment, then."

"How is it a punishment if I love it?" 

"Don't start."

Another warning she doesn't heed. "I already have."

Her chest heaves and rests while being instructed by her hands. Eunbi lets a run of spit stream down her cleavage and on your cock as lubricant. Wipe the drool from her chin and offer it to her mouth. Her eyes sparkle with delicateness as she sucks on your thumb. The soft lips wrapping around your finger causes you to wonder what they'd feel like around your girth.

(Next time.)

"Gently," you have to remind her. The constriction of her bust around your cock is a little too much. So is her eager looks. "There's no rush here."

"But I want you to cum," Eunbi says. "I want you to cum all over my big tits you love so much. You love me, don't you? Then cum for me, daddy, show me you love your little baby girl, please?"

Fuck, it's tempting. You'd love to pepper her beautiful face and bust with your cum. She'd look so pretty in it while still keeping the look of pureness in her irises. But you have to hold out. 

She toys with your cock, slapping it against her boob then running its tip on her nipple. Your heart skips a beat, and she smirks. Seems like you're not doing a good job of keeping your daddy persona, but she's good enough to continue rubbing your firm veins on her skin. 

Eunbi's chest is a real-life fleshlight. Soon, your hips start to move of their own accord, and you're meeting her thrusts now, only with a little more force. There's the friction to chase after, too, and you're right at its heel. You're winning the race, already; you can almost taste it—

"Ohhh, daddy!" she says delightfully. Your cum rains on her chest and neck like a storm. The thunder can be your groans that instead of fearing, she relishes. 

"F-fuck," you say. "Fucking brat, take it all—"

Eunbi listens this time. She removes her bosom from enveloping your cock and attaches her mouth to it instead. You've trained her well; she shoves her face all the way down your length, effectively taking it all in her tight throat. Her neck flexes and relaxes. It stimulates you and has your legs bouncing.

Her eyes remain sealed onto you. The brightness in them that they hold so often tells you more than words could: she loves being your good girl as much as she loves being a brat. She loves riling you up but also loves being good and letting you have your way with her. It's what Eunbi keeps living for, and some may say it's an addiction, but if it is, she'd never want to recover. Not if it means having your warm cum down her throat and your hand tangled in her hair.

You call her a good girl more times than you can count. Ruffle her hair all the while and wipe the tears forming in her eyes when she whimpers. It takes a while getting her to get all of your cum—her throat extracts more from you, and it ends up with her gagging just a little. Finally, she makes the move to breathe.

Pants ride her shoulders, but Eunbi smiles. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" she says. "Let's go home now—"

"Oh, no, Eunbi, we're not done."

"H-huh?"

You pull her up and into your lap, her butt parked only a little away from your cock. Eunbi wears a shocked look on her face, and it only adds up to the hotness of her wearing nothing but a Burberry thong while on your thighs.

"I still have to teach you a lesson," you tell her between firm squeezes on her butt. "You think I forgot?"

"Why?" she whines. Her hands fidget with your shirt. "I've been a good girl, haven't I? You got to cum!"

"And I'm not stopping." Guide her hips to dance along the head of your length. Brush against her engorged clit. Tease her slit. "Fucking ride my dick."

You push her down. Eunbi cries out, her nerves still on a high after her previous orgasm. To be fair, you're a little sensitive, too, but you look forward anyway to cumming in her tight little pussy. It could happen any time when she's just so fuckable, her busty self bouncing and squirming on your girth, and her face never failing to not hide the pleasure she's going through. You can feel her twitch and spasm, but of course, you keep slamming her down on your lap like she's a little rag doll.

"Daddy!" she screams. "Please, oh fuck, you're so big!"

She's a little greedy herself. If you wanted to fuck her till she came and begged you to stop, she wanted it more. She's wild and unhinged as she rides you, impaling herself with your rod though you cumming in her would do more bad than good, but when it pokes every good spot and stretches her tiny cunt better than any toy or a couple of fingers, she might as well do it with no regrets.

Kiss her collarbone and keep a hand on her ass to guide her. Squeeze; her moans break. Then Eunbi's looking at you with crazed eyes, deluded and dizzy with pleasure, as you slap her fat ass and let her wet core press its walls around your penis like a trap. This whole thing's a trap if you really looked at it, from the appearance at the Waterbomb Festival to the outfit she's wearing, but if that were so, you'd want no parole. If being jailed in her hole means getting this delicious tightness and hearing her whiny loud moans every second, you'd appeal for a life sentence.

She might as well be liquid—the roll of her hips is too fluid to be that of a human. But you've seen her fancams from the festival and guess that it was a manifestation, a prophecy for this to happen. Your cock can't be anything other than solid, however. Eunbi's too sexy a girl for your erection to be nonexistent.

"That's it, Eunbi." Lean back a little into the wet sofa to let her do her thing. "Ride that fucking cock. Fill that tight pussy."

"I will, daddy," she responds, nodding as if in a spell-cast trance. Maybe it's true; the heat brewing in the small of her stomach is too good to be true. "Yes, please, I love your big cock, it feels so good inside me."

You don't even have to guide her anymore. She's fully fucking herself on you, her stamina never failing her. Her full thighs strain and her pussy clenches down with a slippery yet firm grip. Groan, then slap her ass. She hums happily. Your relentless upward thrusts and slaps just burn her lust into a complete fire. 

It's a surprise your legs don't collapse on the way to carrying her and fucking her against the wall. It gives you more opportunity to stuff her with you harder. Eunbi's legs spread more, her breathing ragged, and you're kissing her again. You press your lips on hers, then on her neck for which she closes her eyes appreciatively, then her collarbone. There isn't one part of her you don't love. You'd paint her with your cum three times a day like a daily meal if you could.

For now, you binge on lust with her. You eat more of her than you should. But who's making the rules? Whoever they are, let it be known you're breaking them—skin slapping against skin grows louder, almost syncing with Eunbi's repeated moans and your pumps. Her hips and yours create a rhythm together to make it work, to make your cock fit inside her, but she ends up weak and tired anyway.

"Please, daddy. S-suck my tits. I need your mouth on me so bad. Can you give your baby girl what she wants, daddy?" Her pout prods you on. "You can, right?"

"Of course." 

Latch your mouth on one of the bouncing circles of flesh. Nibble, suck, spit, suckle—that's your beginning loop of actions for her. But it becomes frenzied after a while because of how good her folds swallow you, how soft her breasts are. Even as your actions become less and less sequenced, she moans. You never want to hear anything else.

"Yes, yes, yes. Thank you. I, I'm gonna cum soon. Keep fucking me like that and I promise, I promise I'll squirt around your s-stupidly big cock. I will, I will, just fuck me, oh my god. Oh, daddy!"

Eunbi stays true to her word, especially with your thumb toying her clit. She lets out another rush of cum on your crotch. It's wet, it's plenty, it's oh-so-hot when she's screaming helplessly like that, struggling to keep up with your speed. 

Pull out so more of her can spray all over you. If people don't hear your little session in this waiting room, they'll see evidence of it—it ends up on the floor, the sofa, the wall, and your soaked clothes on the ground. Maybe Eunbi's back could have imprinted a mark on the wall too after how hard you fucked her. It's too easy for adoring fans and nonchalant staff alike to find out what happened to their beloved Kwon Eunbi after the festival, and you have a feeling that it's part of what makes Eunbi squirt so much now.

Go south. Keep your fingers on her hips to help her stand. Then, flick your tongue on her clit to help her go through the long stretch of her orgasm.

"Ahh, fuck!" 

Her core tightens again. Her hips flinch and recoil, but you keep firing your sharp little licks long after her climax subsides. 

"Oh, daddy," Eunbi sighs, dizzy, "that felt so good."

"Can you go for more?" 

You're met with a curious look. It's as if she's wondering herself: could she?

"I want to fuck your ass, too, Eunbi." Squeeze her cheek, and her other cheek turns red. "Won't you let daddy fuck this perfect little thing?"

Eunbi shivers. She walks over to the windowsill, steps shaky, and places her hands on it. Then, she looks back at you, coaxing you on. And you have to admit that it's quite the sight, because there she is, in only skimpy underwear and her breasts bare of any covering. 

It's the fact that she's so willing to go and expose herself through the uncurtained window and show everyone who gets to fuck her that makes you approach her. 

"Naughty girl."

Eunbi nods. What's there to deny? Her eyes shut after you spank her.

"If I get to fuck your ass every time you go to Waterbomb," you say, trailing her wetness to her asshole as lubricant and lathering it with her arousal, "I'd let you go here daily."

Eunbi giggles. "So you're not mad anymore, daddy?" she asks hopefully.

Your cock rubs her hole. It teases her, keeps her on the tips of her toes. "Maybe."

Push, just a little. Already she's clenching down unintentionally. Eunbi hisses and shuts her eyes.

"Ffffuck, hnn." Her hands drum a tortured song on the windowsill while her voice strains a melody of darling cries and whines. "Haaah, daddy, you're so big. I don't think I can take it."

"Of course you can," you say, choosing to be gentle this time, "'cause you're my good girl, right?"

"Y-yes. I'll take it for you, daddy—I can do it."

"That's my Eunbi."

Kiss her neck and slowly plunge more inches in her. She keeps letting out soft cries. Her face, showcasing her eyes shut tightly and mouth slightly hung open, reflects into the window. You wonder which group's performing now, and if the audience is too enamored by their song to see the previous sex doll that is Eunbi being fucked at the window. That somehow encourages you alongside her soft moans of pleasure. 

It's Eunbi's first time with anal, and she never imagined she'd experience it here, at a place where anybody can see her pleasure and struggle. She clamps a palm on her mouth.

"Daddy… ahhh, it's so big, daddy!" she cries softly.

"I know. Just spread that tight ass for me, will you? So you can take daddy better?" Smile when she follows your orders. "Thank you, baby. You ready?"

"Mmm." Eunbi hums hesitantly. "Yes."

She said she was, so there's no hesitance on your end in relentlessly fucking her asshole. It gapes a little with the help of her fingers, but Eunbi still wails. Stroke after stroke of your length fills her up and she isn't sure how to deal with the pleasure and pain it brings about. 

Her textured, pink walls might be a close competitor in terms of tightness with her pussy. With how closed its walls are, it nearly refuses to take you in. Try rubbing at her clit. As a result, it clenches around you tighter. Eunbi sobs and huffs as she tries with every inch of her spent body to take you in. 

"Nnnn, daddy! S-so big, so good, it's so good!"

Open her up. Spread the tight cheeks by spanking them. The backside before you grinds and gyrates in response. There's more wetness now on Eunbi's legs, trickling down her skin. Maybe it's sweat? Squirt? Cum? No time to think about it when you're focused on how damn tight she is.

Somehow, your pats and rubs on her core make her tighter. She's restricting you fully, forcing you to draw your hips all the way back to slam inside her. With each, she gasps, as if surprised, and begs again. Begs for more, although her ass is too tight to take more than a few pleasured inches in. Begs you to use her, spank her, which you do although you don't really understand the rest of her sentences. It's all garbled and messy, just like your swift thrusts.

"Pound me, fuck me! Fuck me for everyone to see, daddy, make me cum!"

Now that part's clear as day. You love Eunbi too much to not do what she says.

A few seconds in she relaxes a little. Hence, the rest of your dick goes inside her. You let out a soft groan at how good it feels: finally filling her to the hilt. You kiss her sweaty back, rub her clit, tell her how much of a good girl she is. It takes effect; she grows tighter and more relaxed at the same time. How it's possible, you've no idea, for you live in the present wherein you're fucking Kwon Eunbi's tight ass to no end.

Rub her little midriff. "You want me to fill this pretty stomach with my load, baby? You want me to cream your ass?" 

"Yes, daddy!" 

Now, trail your finger down to her clit where you rub furiously. "Want me to make you squirt again?" 

"Fuck! Daddy!" Eunbi's legs twitch and she throws her head back. "Yes, yes, make me cum, make me cum!"

That you do. Keep the tempo of your thrusts and rubs unsynced so as to let her experience the pleasure from both ends. Let your other hand squeeze and pinch her nipples, and let the fact that only you get to toy with them, not the audience. Not one single man out there gets to fuck her like this, even in his dreams. 

You smile for a bit until you blow your load inside her tight hole. Eunbi's feet finally lose balance and she falls back into you. Continue to thrust in her to ease your climax while she rains her squirt all over the pane and wall. Let a few fingers inside her pussy, too, and the silver rain grows stronger. Plentier. Better.

"So fffucking big, thank you, daddy," she mumbles coherently enough. She kisses your jaw tiredly. "Feels so good in my ass, thank you, I love you, thank you… the best…"

Her repeated whispers are adorable. You wince as you pull out. You're fully and completely drained, and you don't have to guess to know that she is, too.

"Calm down now."

"Okay, I will…" 

"I love you, too, by the way." Your lips meet hers. She kisses back happily.  "Don't forget that."

"Won't… forget…" Eunbi nods. Her heart pounds as fast as yours. "We'll go home now? For real this time?"

"For real this time," you chuckle. Stroke her hair. 

You let her robe fall around her spent body and drive her home. The janitors have a tough time cleaning up the room, luckily only assuming someone spilled water. The scent of sex still hangs around, though.

She's your passenger princess on the way home, but the next three times she'll attend the Waterbomb Festival, she's your toy. You're flying with her to Japan to fuck her anytime, just as a firm reminder that as much as she's loved to show off in the events, you love fucking her more.

[rzyraffek]

Platonic yandere yautja x human child reader

Aww dad yautja😊 I didn't write for yautjas in months!! Hopefully u enjoy it!! Also i used they/them for kid. No tw, only cuteness and wholesome dad figure yautja👹 request open

Dad yautja with human kid

Bro is confused ??? Tf??? Why is there a child here??

He either found them abandoned in middle of nowhere or accidentally killed their perents, by 'accidentaly' i mean ofc he wanted to kill them he just didn't know there was a child nearby and now he feels bad

Kinda finds human pups ugly😭 why are you so smol and loud wtf

Dad!yautja after he kinda adopts y/n he gets too overprotective! Like dude won't leave their side at all, especially when you guys are outside; dude will pick them up and just carry around.

Can't cook to save his life, he kinda set kitchen on fire. And humans cant eat raw meat, so now you are on fruit diet for now (and veggies)

Had this parental instinct to teach them everything, how to shoot, find food, basic self-defence, overall taking good care of themselfs. But he kinda likes that he has to provide for them, it gives him control yknow

When he carries them around everywhere! He acually lets them sit on his shoulders or just hang on his neck😓😍

Cant say no to those cute big eyes! Yes he will let them 'decorate' his armor (with glitter and stickers) and he will let them paint his nails and he will lisen to them gossip about their friends.

If his kid is a little artist and walks up to him and says "papa i drew you!" He does not care that he looks like a lizard nor that they didn't color it perfectly. Dude is purring, picking y/n up and he carries this drawing in pocket everywhere

Other yautjas say that he spoils them, but he disagrees! Your a HUMAN baby, i mean yeah your basically one of yautjas now but!!! Your tiny! And your skin is so squishy!!!

He had to learn how to comb their hair cuz at some point y/n simply refused to cut it (me too lil guy) and he respects them so much he won't just do something against them

Kinda wishes he could understand human body language more

Also about body language i can imagine kid just kinda mimicing yatuja body language and habits. Like dad!yatuja will say "child please go to bed its late" the kid will just angry respond with a hiss👹 "hsssss👽🦎" "?????" If yaujtas had eyebrows, he would rise them

If y/n is a girl, and she has her first period? Dude panics! HUHH WHAT BLOOD??? FROM WHERE!?? UHHHH????

Dude tries to be a perfect father figure, he tries to have similar intrests with his kid so they can connect more, but if y/n is totally not into hunting, collecting, nature themed stuff, Yautja is more than happy to catch up with whatever teens are into this days, but he will judge the hell out of tv shows (if they watch any)

I kinda forgot it suppose to be yandere so it turned out to be just wholesome im so sorry

Understands that kid needs privacy but he will just go invisible mode and lurk in shadows! Like what if somone attacks you??? Or worse! What if you meet some humans that he doenst like??? What if they will tell y/n all lies about what 'bad war crimes' he commited and what 'murderous' his kind is!! Those are lies pls dont lisen to humans

No boy/girlfriends!!! Nuh uh!! Your his little baby you cant go doing all those... things... with some human. ugh! this person probably can't even hunt for you!! Or give you nice treasures!! Or build a pretty nest!! Why would you like them my child?? Look at all those trophies i gathered for all those years! You should stay here!

He loves the fact that he lives in some wild ass jungle and y/n cant leave him due to all those dangers around, plus he loves that y/n will always stay tiny(in comparison obviously) and weak so be basically needs to provide for them! Right???

I used x reader tags ONLY to reach bigger audience

[mantisgodsdomain]

Every once in a while we will read a fic where it's blatantly obvious that the author is deeply, deeply mortified to be posting A Fic Like This, where the mortification of posting that which they Wanted to write and presumably put effort into writing leaks right out into the fic to the point that it actively dilutes the emotional beats.

Like, you probably know the sort. It pulls its punches, even more so the more embarrassed the author is to be Writing Something, to the point that you can practically taste it in the writing - the author expects you to be just as uncomfortable with this as them, that the mere suggestion of something is so deeply Gross and Offputting and oh, it's weird of them to be even Considering writing this, that they pull back in actually selling the discomfort - that the prose grows oddly detached, telling rather than showing and cutting out reaction and follow-through and anything but the barest sketch of action.

The author's lack of willingness to follow through, their chains to the invisible audience in their head, actively impact the work, and purely to make it Worse - dulling the impact, dulling the edge, dulling the story itself until it says nothing but the echo of that invisible audience. It becomes less about what it is, and more a simple refrain. "I, the author, am afraid that you will read this and deem me strange and offputting and Bad", and that in and of itself offputs you from the story. The same impact as "oh this is probably bad", the same impact as "oh im inexperienced so don't expect too much of me aha", the same impact as talking yourself down for some illusion of Modesty.

It sucks to read. It, presumably, sucks to write. It also knocks us right the hell out of spirals on occasion because whenever we think poorly about our work remembering how much worse it gets if we pull back from what we want to write will knock us out of things enough that we'll start making an active effort to feel less ashamed of stuff we wanted to write or draw or whatever.

We should all get rid of the concept of shame entirely and just start making whatever the fuck is what we're saying we feel more secondhand embarrassment than we do firsthand nowadays and we want that to happen Less.

[tinogiehd]

I get your point and Dream has reacted in very stupid ways before that were seriously eye-roll inducing even as a fan, but I don’t think he’s ever or would ever immediately and publicly cut off a friend without privately reaching out first. She added so much fuel to an already out of control fire, against a guy she called her brother. I think they’re wildly different situations and I think we need to stop trying to play the misogyny card when people are criticising women. It’s how we’ve got braindead twitter kids thinking women can do no wrong now.

I don’t think Hannah has to apologise or that she’s some terrible person or that it’s any of our business if she wants to be friends with them again or not. But to act like any criticism of how she publicly handled it on her platform is wrong because she’s a woman is kind of crazy. And I usually support your takes.

we can stop pulling the misogyny card when people stop being misogynistic about her. like it’s not misogyny to criticize her I think her reaction was abhorrent I think she could have done so much better but to be harping on it weeks and weeks down the line as some indicator of moral compass and acting as if she owes us an apology is strange as hell. like she should have done something differently for sure and you don’t need to pretend like she had a perfect response because she’s a woman, her being a woman doesn’t mean her response wasn’t shitty. but I just don’t think you can separate the response to her response Weeks down the line from her being a woman in an industry where woman have historically caught more heat for breathing than 99% of men will for legitimately heinous crimes and that mindset being consciously or unconsciously absorbed by audiences even adjacent to it, like the social contexts of an entertainer will project onto the audience and that’s just how it works and I’ve seen in the three years I’ve been here how women are cracked down on way harder than men are. misogyny is baked into this community because that’s how people are socialized in the real life and the online space. I’m not saying women are free from criticism but I am saying that I think some people would benefit from thinking Hey why am I so angry at her and so ready to rant and rave about this weeks and weeks later? half of what im seeing on my dash rn isn’t even criticism of her conduct also it’s literally invisible demons about her not having a leash on the maybe 50 dedicated hannah stans on twitter despite her being pretty offline and saying she’s promoting terf rhetoric ? Like what are you people even talking about at this point. I’m not saying disliking her response is misogynistic but I’m saying the heat she’s still catching for it is driven by closet misogyny like just move the fuck on

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

my favourite path of reading is Not Knowing Anything At All Beforehand, at best accompanied by a healthy dose of What The Hells Is Going On (I Like It)

when i was a child i would read novels out of order. not because i wanted to, or because i had the intention to be as weird and subversive as possible (though i still very much had that). most of my reading material came from libraries, which sometimes only had one or two novels from a series, and i tend to be very dumb. i remember i started a YA series thinking it is the first book, but it was at least the second. the love interest had already been won, the mystery had already been revealed, the friend group had already been formed (back then, all YA fantasy novels where kinda like this, there was even a werewolf). and i remember i was so confused. the narrator threw in a bunch of names without explaining anything, expecting me to just get it. and you know what? it was awesome. the story coming together in my head wasnt the one intended to be read, but i had great fun with it. i remember after being done with the book and finding out that it was actually book 2 in a series, i searched all over the library hoping for more of this and actually found the first book, and i just never read it. after the excitement and adventure of book 2, the first book, flipping through it, just seemed so fucking boring to my Already Saw The Best Wont Settle For Less child brain.

i tend to finish dramas at an end point not intended by the production crew, but at a point when the conflict i came there for has been solved. there are so many dramas i just never officially finished, and i never will; im utterly satisfied with what i got, i dont need more. its pretty sad because it makes it hard for me to talk to other fans (who have watched the entire thing, and Know More) on equal footing. i tend to be embarassed and insecure, after all, i literally know nobody who is weird like that. but i also wont change a thing. why should i? if it brings me joy, if it makes me happy, if im content? that is literally all i need.

and i love interacting with stories like that. there is never one correct way to interact, or interpret. sure, there is an intended way. there is probably a way you could call the “recommended” way, like reading a series in chronological order or not reading the ending before reading the beginning. but these, i view them all as mere suggestions. they are supposed to make it easier, or sometimes richer and more fulfilling, but not “more correct”. (there are no rules to reading, or watching, or listening. none.) a story is alive precicely because of that intuitive interaction, because of an organic communication between reader and story (and the invisible hand of the author that may or may not be treated as dead, but whose legacy is still very much alive). i would argue its the way stories need to be interacted with, anything else feels a little bit like you’re killing something; the very nature of a story works this way. they are alive; they are not products, they are not rules, they are almost living beings in that weird kind of way that makes total sense when you know what im talking about.

as a reader (or an audience), you are not creating in the same way as the author (or actor, or director, or any person involved in the pure creation of stories) would. but you are still creating, by telling a story to yourself someone else has made and filling in with your own imagination, your own view, your own feelings, by giving something back of yourself. all creation is magic, all creation is a little bit like making life. like gardening.

[allbeendonebefore]

Omg thanks so much, I’m so happy i sent that ask bc it’s already helping me and giving me ideas to flesh out this fic better. i need to stop being so shy ><

and i agree with everything you’ve said. i also tend to feel like matt leans on oliver a lot which leads to ollie taking the fall and brunt of most things + taking on more than he should, since he knows ollie will pick up his slack.

but i would absolutely love to hear more if you can, please. i find ollie’s and ralph’s relationship really intriguing + i love when they can just. chill and be friends and worry about shit later

oh you bet, thanks for asking! it's stuff i like to think about and its nice to talk to someone about it (and normally i don't bite, save for when I lose sleep/am travelling and am feeling paranoid about strangers asking for personal info, sorry anon from last week! but dms also are ok for things like that because then i feel more like im having a conversation and less like im performing for an invisible audience)

and yeah ol hits close to home for me so when i'm not drawing him Silly or using him as a strawman which is most of the time (sorry), he tends to be a reflection of my own anxieties about being Professional and being Forced into the Leadership Role but Also Not Delegating it because he Doesn't Trust Anyone Else etc etc, and he tends to also be a projection of the anxieties of simultaneously defining what being Canadian is and having to embody that while also realizing that its kind of milquetoast or built on sand and arbitrary and completely made up and Not the universal unifying magic bullet it is supposed to be but what the fuck else is he supposed to do, which is a theme that i have been mulling over.... well, since i was like, nine and left the country.

likewise bert hits close to home for me because..... home, so when i write him its usually expressing a frustration at the way things are/have been, and kind of satirizing the State of Things. It is difficult for me to not make him a complete wreck and I tend to focus on his toxic sides because it's Very Personal for me, but I don't want my vent comics to be like, the only version of him out there either? it's also hard for me because i feel like simultaneously i am the person who is the first to point out his faults and flaws because i can't escape them, but i'm also the person who is trying to love him unironically without shame through gritted teeth, hahaha...

so i mean even if everything i say rings true or doesn't, it's not the be all end all of their characterization, what i say is just more filtered through Me and My Experiences and I fully acknowledge that and you're also welcome to take things in another direction. lord knows i am in my own very specific rut right now that contributes to a lot of blocks i have. [and my authority on Albertanness has to be tempered with other Albertans, remember that time all the albertans got angry at me for the song i used on the i am alberta video LOL]

i don't have anything specific to say at the moment on this and i am putting off a lot of things i should be doing but uh, check back, i am thinking about it and i'm happy to help / offer suggestions / test hypotheses. :)

[alazyparallelworld]

httyd2 thoughts | watched same day, aug 12th 

it is, honest to god, stunning how much of a nothingburger this movie is

prior to watching this, minutes before, i relayed what i knew thru online osmosis - “uh, hiccup’s mom is alive? his dad dies. toothless gets this ‘alpha’ superpower and gets blue scales. there’s a big, mean, mind controlling dragon - oh, and there’s a dude controlling it too.” 

and he was like, mm, yeah, you get the gist, and i was like ah OK cool. 

but you know - even if you kind of, nail down the, specifics and importances of content - a movie/show/book/game you kind of expect there to be... more? for the thing to contain more than just the major connector-connecting threads.

uh!

no!

not really! nope! not at all! at least not here!

im sure in some chronically online defense, this is my own fault - for one thing, I KNEW, the aforementioned. sure i did not know how it went down. i did not know about hiccup’s dad being burnt alive, i didn’t know the Big Bad Dragon killed the Little Nice Dragon in order to gain mindfuck powers - but! i got the gist! i had been spoiled, rotten, i had my HOPES UP....  

and you know at the time this movie was released, ‘14, there wasn’t some internet drought thing going on. people talked and thus inadvertently spoiled “the gist” for the rest of us - coming into, new media, without expectation is impossible. it’s a fantasy. we all judge the book by its cover. through, watching the first film alone, i had expectations for its sequel! 

and mm yeah it did not, deliver, on anything. like i genuinely cannot think, at the moment, of any other piece of media that’s just... unabashedly disregarded any and all concern for: cohesive, interesting narrative, nuance, etc... 

now all of this gets the impression of: sequel bad everyone online is wrong, except,

i’m not.... mad. or disappointed. i am confused. i feel like i side-stepped into an alternate universe, reading all of these praises and recalling people who enjoyed this movie, in a, “WOW, IT’S SO DEEP,” it evokes emotions, etc

this is a really good popcorn movie. i fucked up, post-intro, into the scene with hiccup and toothless flying, searching for a new land- by asking, “so, wait, what was the point of that? that scene [ the dragon race ] was really long for a parallel referencing the first’s beginning tone. so it’ll be building up to something, right...?”

unfortunately i broke the silent rule, the singular guideline, of this movie: do not question anything 

this movie had answers.... to absolutely none of my questions. hey, did you ever wonder how hiccup’s parents interacted? well here’s a song! oh, and they dance during it too! and his mom’s a shit cook! so on and so forth...

it is just this - overly long, miserable trek of EXPOSITION that at some ambiguous point becomes lore dropping. but this - here we are, telling the story to you - stuff continues for so much of the runtime, it never feels like the movie’s... moving. it’s still the scenery stage, establishing motivations, over an hour-and-twenty minutes into this movie 

like, goddamn! i should already be invested! YOU, HAD, AN ENTIRE OTHER SEVERAL HOURS TO INVEST ME - THE FIRST MOVIE! I DO CARE ABOUT HICCUP AND TOOTHLESS - and sure, his mom, what’s up with that, that’s exciting! but, we, the audience, ARE HICCUP - watching mom gush over her dragons and her friendship [while also going off on some WE WERE BORN DIFFERENT (BETTER) SWEETIE bullshit, that never gets addressed lol?] and she notices him almost by accident. the touch is sweet, we do see this moment of, oh.... right, my son... he, he is here too.. that’s good! 

then it just - okay, here’s dad, LOOK AT THEM AWWW

and hiccup does not know fuck all about this woman. but because we need to see their love for e/o [as it was invisible prior to this, besides the breastplate gag in movie 1] it has to be done. it’s nothing! it’s... nothing! there is nothing to be said, once you ask questions, because it is not prepared to answer you!

you are supposed to... sit there, and watch, and long, long, LONG into this trek of anti-storytelling does the climax happen - WHICH IS INTERRUPTED, BY OH NO! DAD’S DEATH... and hiccup’s VA, my god, the customer service, “we’re out of bbq sauce,” tone in which he carries, “i’m sorrry dad,” - 

that was it, i think, really. i tried to keep taking this movie seriously, afterwards, but i think that monotone goodbye to a SELFLESS [?????????] chief did me in. that was the knife - and the stupid, stupid, last-minute asspull with the baby dragons that doubles as a ha-ha isn’t that funny moment, and sheep pinball was the knife twisting

sheep pinball 

there is - nothing, to be said, here - this movie is not teaching your kids to “think for themselves,” because - hiccup is wrong! both of his parents are right! drago can’t be reasoned with! THERE IS NO NUANCE HERE! NO MORAL! it’s a movie to eat popcorn to, sip soda, and talk about how cool the designs were and awh man isn’t his mom AWESOME and oh no i cried when his dad died -

rather than 

idk

anything of substance, beyond the food in your stomach. 

[bunnyriviere]

my god i cant get my head out of this mess so imma rant, then MAYBE i can focus on my assignment like damn babe i thought your passion is stats, why are you obsessing over a guy that doesnt care enough. huh? care about stats instead babe!!!!!! i just want to only have to care about maths but i know my life is ruined if i dont have relationships, so i try. but i must suck at it so bad if everything just ends in flame like this, im so tired im teary eyes.

im on my phone and honestly dont know how to do the uh line to cut short the post so if anybody unfortunately see this im sr :(

this is not even about a romantic relationship, i dont even know why i just couldnt like a person like that but damn fine. this is about a male friend i made in grade 11 i guess. i have never liked men. im afraid of them and dont want to have to interact with them ever. i know its bad and i should change but i just really want them away from me im sorry..... so i wasnt even friendly with him, but i was polite, i know how to be a decent person. he was friendly and nice and friends to all which only made me think aw geez just stop being friendly i know this is not because you like me. but i was eating the snack he brought to class anytime he brought it without much thought cause he offered i aint gonna say no. all the while still not consider him a friend. not until a friend said im not being nice if im eating his food while still not seeing him as a friend. and i have always feel bad about not being friendlier towards men in general and he made the 1st move which made it easier for me to just go along. so i did and thats how we became friends.

hes really nice and i mean it. i think really highly of him. maybe its just me having bad luck so i havent met many that are nice?? i really believe they are just myth tbh, im about to settle for that thought. and this guy is really how i wish is the standard for all men. hes just that good, i have no complain. i truly like him and glad that my friend said something cause otherwise we probably wouldnt be friends.

again no romantic feeling. i just have to, remind the invisible audiences of this post i guess.

now we all know covid. and because of it, i couldnt come home and wanted to lay in bed even more than normal. so i didnt push for it when he said he couldnt meet anybody in the summer because he didnt want to accidently give somebody it. just saying that cause this is a 2 ways road right, nothing is ever only his fault, its also mine. i want to rant about my feelings but i dont want to dismiss any mistakes i made yk. so we didnt meet up then.

christmas came and before then we were talking about christmas gift and i didnt wanna any so i didnt prepare anything also. this person is too nice and i dont want him to feel bad. but anw i just thought maybe we can still meet up even if its not for gift exchanging. but i didnt ask or anything at all cause well, hes from here, he has family and friends that are definitely closer to him, and he had work. i know hes busy and if he wanna hang out he know where to find me. i just dont want to accidentally add something more onto his list of to do. he would be too nice to say no. and we are not that close i dont want to add more work for him. i dont have relatives or friends here other than him so im free anytime if he wanted to meet up. but that didnt happen, i dont think we talked at all. which fine i hate to admit but i was hurt. ugh hate showing how vulnerable i am. yuck. yikes. -100/10.

i just didnt think about it? i didnt try to reach out either so that was my fault too but just, if he didnt care then i wont either. so i really didnt think about him anymore.

came reading week! it really was 1 year from the last time i saw him honestly. he asked to meet up and if i want to go somewhere and tbh no im in the countryside rn is that the corect word so there are no place to go. but i remembered this 2ndhand place i like to go sometimes and i hadnt gone in a while so why not. so we agreed on that. and i know he was probably just tired, and there are people who sigh a lot, its not uncommon. but not seeing him for a long while and knowing this is a place i suggested, him doing that really made me feel bad. i probably shouldnt, but couldnt get the thought that he was probably doing this just because hes friendly not because hes friend with me. it fucking sucked. when we got out and he dropped me back at my home i still felt so bad he didnt get to enjoy himself so i asked if we could watch jojo together. yeah he loves jojo. i dont really care for anime im so sr i prefer realing manga lmao sr.

now ok maybe im still being dumb, probably. but tldr i truly believe people can be friends and affectionate even when they are from opposite sex. it didnt work out so well cause i got molested lmao cause some other guy thought that was cool to do. so that honestly worsen my uh wariness of men. but like i said, i think ive said it, i trust this person. honestly i do, we hug a lot and i had never felt afraid of it. i believe he wont do anything. im just really comfortable around him. so we cuddled while watching anime, that had happened before im really sr if you think thats wrong, i still believe that could happen.

but maybe its because i was tense from thinking he really didnt enjoy hanging out with me that much. i kept connecting remembering what the molester did and while i just knew i swear i knew he wouldnt do anything like that, i couldnt get it out of my head. i felt bad for that but there were just 2 things that happened so similar to what happened with the molester. haizz he kinda laced our fingers together but it wasnt handholding, same thing happened once before with m-dude and it felt weird but i didnt want to question that friendship so i didnt. and at some point of jojo i kinda jumped and he held me back, not pulled me back or anything but was holding me in place, and it was probably to make me feel safe but honestly if anybody even use a little bit of force i will just think of when i finally got the courage to turn around to confront the other dude for touching me, he held me back and i couldnt move at all. i think i froze a bit.

argh back to the main story. see how i totally suck? hahaha just blaming this friend for something somebody else did. im so sorry, i suck.

well after that we picked up talking again but idk! was it me overthinking? was it? because it felt like he didnt want to talk to me at all. it was, how to say it. he was friendly yes he talked hmm. damn how-- it felt like he didnt care for what i said. its a feeling idk how to put into words. and that sucks. he didnt seem interested in me before, felt happy enough when we cuddled, then back to being uninterested. i knew i know he doesnt want me romantically. damnit am i only good now for hugs. are we friends? what i meant is not sex but am i only good for physical stuff? i dont fucking know, the m-dude obviously just want a fwb and i was to trusting to notice. is this my gut feeling or my anxiety idk!

another side story. another guy suddenly expressed interested in me right when covid hit but it was because he couldnt get over his ex so i stopped talking to him for a while and picked it back up when i thought he was no longer idk being annoying about it. i thought he had to at least like me as a person to even express he liked me romantically. but apparently not. he looked so uniterested suddenly and denied when i asked, then stopped reading my texts.

so you see. i just cant if haiz ok do- do anybody like me? just as a person? idk.

god i knew i fucking suck for being so sensitive and anxious and im sr for wanting stuff but maybe i want you to look like you care a bit when i said you are reminding me of the m-dude, instead of saying ok we can talk less then. i already felt like you dont want to talk to me, you dont have to say that...

officially crying heyho.

just saying no you dont dont like talking to me when your actions were saying the opposite is not cutting it either... i also thought highly of the covid confession guy too but what happened now. im sorry for comparing you to others! but i learn from experiences... and this was sus... (yah its a joke i cant help it.)

and if i just agreed and stopped talking to him right it just, felt like a confirmation that yeah its true hes just letting me hug him not because im his friend and he knows i like hugs so he lets me. but its more like its convenient that a girl is hugging him so he wont say no. something like that. that sucks. thats all im good for. if i were his friend, it would include the talking too.

ah!! i know we are not close, we are both casual friend. he is definitely not on my top list to tell stuff to but damn i still like him enough to hurt. and to not asking for too much.

so anw i kept talking with the anxiety that never got solved and that made me frustrated and i picked at his insecurity to made him hate me enough to stop talking to me cause i couldnt bring myself to stop, id feel so bad. this is really toxic and i admit this is not the first time ive done it, to a different person but its the same thing.

hahaha act like i hate him while just want him to see how i feel so bad. yeah im a tsundere.

it worked so i stopped talking to him for a week and focused on talking to my other friends. friends i know without a doubt love me and want me because i really didnt feel that with him at all. sorry i know you were tired with covid.

that made me felt better and i was not in panic mode anymore, i can calmly assess things now. and before, i felt bad because i truly believed i was just seeing things, i couldnt see pass my anxiety and was blaming him for what, nothing. he did want to talk to me. but my mind was clearer after that one week and yeah i cant really make more excuses? yes i was sensitive and made things worse, but there must be something for me to pick up first. it didnt just come out of thin air.

so i sent him some texts saying that, because just leaving without a word is bad communication. i have to tell him and at least give him a chance to change i guess? did he need change? im doubting myself.

i- hm he just said yeah his look and way of talking really make him look like hes tired and uninterested, and laughed at my marie kondo joke. you know the one. idk! all i saw in that was yeah thats how it is, accept it. and i-- i, cant? i dont want to... i dont want to :(

but my mindset for just about anything is value the process, not the result, like as long as you put work in! thats great! and he- he was, talking... he put work in..... i would feel so bad to deny it. but at the same time, it was not enough... i hate! to say you need to do at least this and that! but it didnt feel like enough..... im sorry :(((( i am.

ive talked about my tendency to lash out. last time i didnt want it but i had to get away quick so i didnt mean it but i still did it. but this time i was truly angry. because i just wished there was more care for me but i know that was all there was, and i couldnt do anything about it. couldnt even ignore him. he was even drier then, and i got it, i lashed out at him, ofc he wasnt going to be friendly. but just why were you trying so hard... no, no it was not trying hard, you were answering texts at the speed of once every 2 days. why were you answering at all? you clearly didnt want to. but again so was i. did i really have a say.

so i sent angry texts at him. about how fake his friendliness was, did he really consider me friend, why did he keep saying no it was not that he was uninterested while it was obvious that he was. also that i want to fight him. i really do want to. hopefully he will beat me up hard enough that i can be in a coma and die in 9 months idk. (listen 9 months is enough time to make a new human, if im not awake by then, you need to let me go, thats my wish.)

he said that no he doesnt like to fight and thats the last text i got from him.

because ofc i dont hate him him, the whole him idk what im saying. just angry and hate that hes not matching me on how we value this relationship i guess. not besties like how he likes to joke, but eh, was hoping more than what i was sensing. i still sent a text being like ok fine do you still want to talk and if so how do you want me to do. but he didnt answer it in time so i decided for him that nah we wont talk anymore.

heyho i was sad, i am sad. and ok hear me out, HEAR ME, i dont use tarot for future but just for my feelings and how to deal with them, and my deck said ok babe this is the end, you will have to move on now. so i will.

tbh lmao for every relationships that i emotionally invested in. i always make an essay on my feelings because thats how i conclude things, and so i wont forget that my feelings are legit. so the moment i started this post, hes dead to me i guess.

wow this post is long. but i did really like him so.

im moving to uni city next month but i know he will leave in the summer so i wont have to worry about seeing him then. and probably not further in the future either, we go to different uni and are quite far away and our common are not gonna question things i dont think. dont think they would even notice, we are not in a group or anything. and even if i do end up meeting him. my feelings while was anger, but it stemmed from sadness and disappointment so it wouldnt be too bad. on the other hand... m-dude..... i am afraid of meeting you, lets please please please not meet damnit.

[taffystake]

So......Are you ready for the encore?

Taffy’s Take: Dark Nights Death Metal #1

Written by: Scott “Hallowed Be Thy Name” Snyder

Pencils by: Greg “Panikiller” Capullo

Inks by: Jonathan “Motorbreath” Glapion

Colors by: FCO “Fixxxer” Plascencia

So....it has all finally come to this. The finale. The ultimatum in a long saga of stories that started in the original Dark Nights, began showing its hand in No Justice, and was fully fleshed out with Snyder’s Justice League run. And it opens with a resounding boom that rivets your attention straight to the story and won’t let go until the pages run out. 

We open with Sergeant Rock, preparing himself and an unknown audience for a conflict to come. When or where this is set is somewhat unknown, but the massive futuristic assault rifle he levels to emphasis his last line says that Rock is somewhere in the modern day.

After the credits page, featuring a map of the current world of the DCU and a message that calls Death Metal an “Anti-Crisis”, we cut to Wonder Woman, hard at work deconstructing the invisible jet with a buzzsaw-like device in the literal depths of hell (Originally Themyscira) when someone interrupts her over approaching people. Said person is the flaming, green-covered skeleton that Swamp Thing has become in this world and he says that someone is coming with prisoners. And as Diana walks through her prison to meet these people, we get to see the absolute myriad of villains entombed in the place, including Joker. Once they reach the quartet, we get to meet Batmage, a red-suited Batman, a cloaked figure, and.....Bat-Tyrannosaurus. After some very terse banter, Diana is forced to throw this unknown prisoner into the pits of Tartarus. But before he is cast into the depths, he mutters something to Diana that makes her recognize the person for a moment.

After that, we are shown Castle Bat and given a backstory of a specific field within that area and the rebels who died within the tunnels underneath it before pulling back to a panel of a castle, with The Batman Who Laughs’ twisted Robins and Joker dragons dominating the structure. And then we meet The Batman Who Laughs’ League, composed of pairings of heros and Dark Multiverse Batmen. We have Harley Quinn and Dr Arkham, Aquaman and Bathomet, Wonder Woman and Batmage, and Mister Miracle and Darkfather. With each of them, we get a small question about their current work, with the most noteworthy being Mister Miracle revealing that Superman has almost succumbed to the Anti-Life Equation. Content with their briefings, The Batman Who Laughs begins to explain how Perpetua, the god who created their multiverse, has destroyed another of their universe, leaving only 8 before The Batman Who Laughs and Perpetua can remake the multiverse however they desire. Before we can hear more, we’re dragged into Diana’s perspective as the true Batman engages in a psychic link with her, trying to advocate for a small victory rather than the sweeping final win that Diana desires. As her thoughts turn towards what happened to result in the current state of the universe and her lack of memory about what caused it, The Batman Who Laughs interrupts her as he can tell that she is hiding something.

And at that moment, an explosive arrow fires out of the nearby woods and nearly vaporizes The Batman Who Laughs. Sacrificing one of his Robins, we soon see Bruce stride out to exchange threats with The Batman Who Laughs, who takes with some jest before ordering an entire squadron of Dark Multiverse Batmen to kill Bruce. While the enslaved Justice League does their best to take advantage of the distraction, their Dark Multiverse minders are quick to detain them from any rebellious actions. So Bruce is left alone, simply standing in this field to face down an army. And as The Batman Who Laughs monologues about how disappointed the brave men and women who died in this field would be at Bruce’s actions, he asks him what he would say to justify himself.

His answer?

One word.

“RISE.”

And so, with a BLACK LANTERN RING ON HIS FINGER, BRUCE WAYNE SUMMONS AN ARMY OF UNDEAD REBELS TO FIGHT THE DARK MULTIVERSE BATMEN JUST PURELY TO DEMONSTRATE WHAT HIS METHOD CAN DO TO DIANA BEFORE RIDING OFF ON A SKELETAL MOTORCYCLE AND LEAVING ZOMBIE JONAH HEX TO CONTINUE LEADING THE ASSAULT.

And now, as the audience both in the know about all of that and not in the know but hyped as hell because BRUCE WAYNE WENT FULL FUCKING NECROMANCER sits in the afterglow of that amazing moment, we cut to a single page depicting the planet Ossex as the Main Man, Lobo, unearths something from underneath the living bone of the planet.

Having made it back to Themyscira, Diana is quick to continue with the rebellion, setting off into Tartarus to see who this mystery prisoner is. And its...Wally West, with a Dr Manhattan-style hydrogen atom drawn into the forehead of his costume. And with Wally, we finally get an explanation of what the hell is going on. See, with the traditional multiverses, they are created using the positive energies that were explored in the Justice League run, things like the Speed Force, the Emotional Spectrum, Imagination. The inverse, stuff like chaos magic and the forces of doom that Perpetua wished to bring to power (and succeeded at doing) are what Wally calls Crisis Energy. And whereas the positive energies wish to create a strong united universe, Crisis Energies wish to simply make only one thing, one moment, one person important. And so, when Perpetua was trapped after her attempts to make a universe of war out of crisis energy, she did her best to instigate crises and came back empowered with all that energy. Meanwhile, the league, empowered by the slightly failed efforts of Dr Manhattan to ‘fix’ the multiverse, gathered all the positive energy they could and then, between the last issue of Justice League and Death Metal, the two forces clashed. Which, since they were basically smashing tow inverse forces together, resulted in both sides burning themselves out.

Now, that block of text could be extremely dry feeling, but it works really well in the two page spread, with the word balloons beginning to form an infinity symbol as images of past crises ranging from the original Crisis On Infinite Earths to Emerald Twilight to Dark Nights Metal in the background. 

But back to the story. With that explanation done, Wonder Woman begins to theorize potentially going back to those crises and gathering this information for themselves in order to reshape the universe themselves. Resulting in....”The first Anti-Crisis” The Batman Who Laughs interrupts with, striding into Tartarus to cut his own deal with Wonder Woman to let him take control over Perpetua. If she helps him, she gets all the people Perpetua has trapped and their own planet. And after that, he emphasizes how she can’t out-plan him, how he’s already prepared for her to knock him out, use the invisible jet she was being forced to deconstruct and melt down to give her armor that would render her undetectable. Wonder Woman is quick to counter that despite all the knowledge The Batman Who Laughs says he has, that entire plan is what Bruce would do. So he is quick to counter, stating so then she’d make a weapon, some sort of sword?

But it seems The Batman Who Laughs didn’t account for two things. One, for Diana to have already made her weapon before he showed up. Two, she didn’t need to make a sword. And so, with a pull of its ripcord, THE CHAINSAW OF TRUTH CLEAVES ITS WAY THROUGH THE BATMAN WHO LAUGHS IN A SPLASH PAGE OF PURE ENERGY ERUPTING OUT OF THE DEMON WHERE THE CHAINSAW IS CUTTING THROUGH HIM!

The comic ends with two quick one panel stories. The first, with Batmage executing a final plan that The Batman Who Laughs had in place to unleash a final Bruce Wayne. Which only sounds mildly menacing, unti the art shows both a button with a watchmen-style frownie face and the final Bruce Wayne in silhouette, a glowing hydrogen atom on his forehead.

The other is a cut back to Sergeant Rock, still continuing with his tirade from the beginning of the comic before he is taken out of the moment by Batman coming to retrieve him for the big fight. And as Batman promises One last fight with everyone together, we get to see in silhouette that Sergeant Rock is missing his everything below his torso, revealing himself to likely be another resurrection from Bruce’s Black Lantern ring.

So, in summary, IM PUMPED TO SEE WHAT HEIGHTS THIS THING HITS! THE BIG MOMENTS WERE SO DAMNED COOL! THE ART IS STILL THE ABSOLUTE ALL KILLER NO FILLER THAT CAPULLO ROCKED OUT WITH IN THE LAST DARK NIGHTS METAL EVENT AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT NEW SPORES OF MADNESS HE GETS TO CREATE FOR THIS STORY! 

And while I’d like to be pure hype beast, that feels a little disingenuous when I do have some small moments that seem like they could be tweaked. Both of the long exposition scenes for the Dead Bats and the Positive Energy vs Crisis Energy could have potentially stood for another pass just to really tighten them up, but I will also admit that both those scenes kinda deserve to be long-winded. The Dead Bats to make sure that the setup for Batman with a Black Lantern Ring summoning an army at that point works and the Energy one because its explaining the entire setup for the rest of the event series and it helps lull things down so that the hype of Chainsaw of Truth can hit like it should. 

So yeah, this thing is absolutely something any Scott Snyder fan, any DC fan, heck Id almost venture to say anyone interested in comics read. None of the story elements of the comic intrinsically need you to know the backstory behind them, but there are definitely rewards for knowing DC continuity in general and Scott Snyder’s previous works in this arcing story. So yeah, I am going to sit here, vibrating in anticipation as I await the next issue of Death Metal from the Cowboys From Hell on their encore tour.

[incarnateirony]

I get blends of innocent beans confused with what queer coding is or isn’t, and malignant beans misappropriating points, so we’re gonna do a quick run through.

Queer coding started as a malignant thing. The truest use of the phrase “queer coding” came from stereotypes and villainizations that straight people found sCaRy. This is like, why Scar seemed classically flamboiyant, or a variety of Disney villains were long, lanky, gestured exaggeratedly, wore eyeliner, etc. There’s a million examples but I’m not going to cover them all because I think you get what I mean. At the time, straight culture was painting gays as bad so painting villains as how straights perceived gays was like, super useful, cuz it creeped the straights out oOOoooOOo.

When people talk about queer coding enforcing stereotypes, if you’re talking about the original form of queer coding, this is inherently true. However, coding reached other levels, and has adaptive forms.

For example, watching (as I’ve been mocked for saying 10,000 times, but because it’s needed) The Celluloid Closet will clear up a lot for you. Subversive queer coding is when queer creators use a great deal of things to communicate with a queer audience past censorship. The film documentary (if you can’t read the book -- which I understand, it’s difficult to find) clears a whole fuckton of this up.

There’s some things that, quite frankly, we as gays know as part of our language. It is what it is. While it’s not a stereotype, it’s quite literally a language I highly warn straights against stepping into, because then they flounder around confused on what’s our actual language and what’s a stereotype

A truly innocent bean asked of me yesterday, well why then is menthols fair subversive queer coding? How is that not a stereotype?

Well like, because it’s facts. And that’s really, really hard to wrap ones’ head around from an outsider straighty perspective or even someone who’s queer but trapped heavily in a hetnorm world outside of where this is visible and/or in the wrong demographic otherwise. A black person who hangs out with black people of all orientations is not going to blink at a media dude getting menthols generally, because it’s one of the cultures that statistically engages in it to the point of memes about Kools or whatever. That’s not my culture, I can’t comment on much beyond that, but it’s just something to take note of.

But even if you don’t want to take someone’s word on “no, seriously, white dudes smoking menthols is queer culture and literally like a great sign for a hookup to another queer white dude”, google the various intersections of gender and menthol, race and menthol, and sexuality and menthol.

This isn’t pulled out of thin air. These were populations quite literally heavily targeted by Big Tobacco and, by nature, are the ones that smoke it, whereas Big Tobacco put(s) on airs of masculinity and chick-magnetness to smoke good ol non-menthol shit. It’s literally marketing. Yes, it does literally impact who buys product and yes, it does after generations have a noticeable affect. Track the numbers I told you to google down and you’ll realize less than 3% of menthol smokers identify as straight white men (depending on the way the numbers sort out and the year of polling, often 1.x%, 3% is the liberal number).. Lemme tell you, on the street, that’s an “okay, honey :)” when you do find it. Maybe a little pat on the head. An invisible brochure for Welcome To The Gays.  Like, White Men make up more than 31% of America and they still refuse to tally more than 25% of the US as queer [some censuses as low as 6% and LOL] so like-- that should be like minimum 25% of dudes available and nope, 1-3%)

(that’s not to say all gays or even all white gays smoke menthol, but this is that rule of “not all fingers are thumbs, but all thumbs are fingers” in loose application.)

But understanding these things, these signals, from the outside is utterly flabbergasting to people.

No, someone making an immasculating joke is not subversive queer coding. No, a dude wearing a certain kind of shirt or eating a certain kind of food generally isn’t queer coding (Unless it’s a rainbow flag BITCH IM GAY shirt, or uh, maybe for food quiche or hummus? I mostly joke for the latter two, but that’s the kind of self ball punching queer community sometimes does to itself in awareness that yes, there ARE elements. No, eating hot dogs and burritos isn’t gay. Yes, we make make penis jokes. No, that isn’t itself queer coding.)

When a queer author codes a piece, it’s designed to communicate to the resonant audience. It also may not communicate to /all/ gays. The language of a middle aged cis gay man that lived through the AIDS crisis is a whole other fuckin adventure from the language of 17 year old trans gays squatting behind their Xbox, it’s just fact, it’s just what is. Completely different cultures and lives being lived, completely different experiences resulting. A few things here or there may connect across generations but some shit that’s written by a gen Z gay is gonna whiff by a boomer gay, sorry. Also just facts.

Explaining exactly what is and isn’t queer coding is almost impossible beyond the fact that “if you don’t get it, it’s probably not for you.” -- At the same time, that leaves the problematic room of people taking that grey area and packing in a bunch of shit and we’re back to ground zero on the original problematic queer coding.

I once read a meta of uh-- I’ll just say, [Fantasy Character]. The fantasy character had an addiction problem that gave them villain-like attributes. Someone implied the “villain coding” made it queer coding. Okay like. Fucking absolutely not. Because if the show in question WAS doing that, first off, that’s literally the kind to make mockeries of gay people so you literally shouldn’t be reaching for that and second off they’d be doing that lanky sassy bitch with eyeliner bullshit like Disney villains with it, give or take. You don’t apply this shit in reverse, “he has villain attributes and so he’s gay” is literally the worst possible angle to take a discussion while trying to slap fight in a representation arena. Like I can’t say enough DO NOT DO THIS SHIT. 

If you wanna write fic or headcanon whoever as gay or whatever have fun but like once people keep trying to talk about “coding” you’re talking about conscious elements inset by the authors. Does a character have a bunch of on the record sexual encounters that just happen to include dudes persistently even if we don’t exactly get the exact angle or Proof Of Dicking? That’s gay (also depending on the phrasing, as settled in older stuff, that’s just deadass queer text and settled long before this fandom ever had pissing matches about this shit in older cinema.) Does the character happen to be respectful and use like gender neutral pronouns on people? Sorry folks that unto itself isn’t gay, that’s gays writing allies at best, unless you can give specific and directly applicable situations relevant to the character rather than eternally vague blogging through and swearing up and down it’s just about their partners or some shit. Yelling it in general though, sorry, no. 

Does the character engage in things or events with non-het gendered partners that in the very least are heavily coded into the areas of relationships even if they’re unclear (eg, do they routinely go out with non-family people and hold deep or meaningful conversations in things that LOOK like a date, even if nobody SAYS it’s a date) -- congrats, you have coded text. Alone it could even be queerplat stuff, depending on the suprastructure of the plot, text, subtext and everything else around it (same way, gasp, a man and a woman can sit at a table and not necessarily be in a relationship, but if they’re trading courting gifts and having unique and powerful exchanges or have big like, “the heart is the thing that binds us together uwu” shit, we all figure out what the fuck is going on like grown assed adults.)

It’s easier to list things that are NOT subversive queer coding:

Insults against gay people

Immasculating commentary

Random foods short of it deadass being a gay author making fun of some gay meme shit in some gay equivalent of ‘right in front of my salad’

Favorite colors or clothing

---

We got it? Good. Rule of thumb though. Deadass unless you are involved in some thick-ass queer culture don’t try to queer code shit. I don’t even care if you’re queer yourself because that doesn’t mean you’ve actually been subject to the culture in a meaningful way. There’s 30 year old bis that grew up in white picket fence suburbias on top of trust funds with hovercraft parents guiding them through 17 degrees and keeping them out of party culture that married a het-passing relationship and settled down and started having babies and their grasp of queer culture ends at what they perceive out of memes online, if they even hover in actual queer crowds online at all as much as general ones. That person literally is not going to speak much of the language. They aren’t. At best they’ll speak the language of 30 year old trust fund het-married bisexual mothers which, I mean yeah, technically some queer language but that’s a very, very fucking niche experience path right there compared to street-dwelling club-goers that attend pride, hold D&D parties with all their coworkers they figured out are gay on the weekend, occasionally brick a window in a riot. The latter is gonna have a far more diverse queer experience. And by such, a far more diverse queer language.

That’s not even to gatekeep. 30 year old trust fund het-passing-marriage bi-mom is in fact bi. So yeah, they’re queer. But we’re talking about language and culture, which is related to but not something you inherit. It comes by lives and experiences.

And I think this is where a LOT of the fucked up early Queer Coding fuckery comes from in discourse. Yes we have a language. Hell, to some extent a few things might even kinda BE stereotypes but there’s a certain amount of living and being where you know the difference between “this is a stereotype made by straight people villainizing us that has no idea what we’re fucking like” or “this is a stereotype born out of mass marketing that targeted and victimized then imprinted on an entire population that we’ve come to recognize among ourselves.” Or even “this is a stereotype but FUCK YES it’s one we embrace, go get fucked, straights.” And it’s not NEARLY as ambiguous as fandom circle jerks try to make these things out to be in the interest of wanting every interpretation to be valid or every character to be gay or not wanting to admit some person may know what the fuck they’re talking about more than they do. 

Huge point on that last one though, because like. I’ve seen some angry straights that are pissy about the show try to throw wrenches in the gears by concern trolling as if in defense of the gays about “offensive queer coding” and most of the time they’re basically that “how do you do fellow kids gays” meme. “How do you do gays I am very concerned about *checks notes* the twitters talking about gay men walking fast” and half the time turn around like two tweets later like “besides the character doesn’t even have a lisp anyway” or some bullshit that is outright offensive ass stereotyping while they’re out here trolling over the fact that a gay man admits to diva worship as a cultural trait.

General rule of thumb: ask a queer culture immersed gay about queer coding.

Shipping culture in the blue hellsite is not queer culture, for the record. Even if a bunch of queerfolk are in it.

Thanks.

Sincerely,

A very tired gay

[yokozii]

I do not want these type of youtubers using my CC

Over the last few months I have noticed this particular youtuber using my cc for her content in her sims4  machinima & letsplays videos. The type of content theyre making makes is fat shaming , fatphobic, and I do not condone the usage of my cc for any of this. It’s funny how people like this think you won’t find out.  So i’ll try to say this as calmly as possible..

It’s annoying and disgusting, and on top of all of that she doesn’t even redirect anyone of her subscribers to my website nor blog to download my cc..as if she is ashamed of using it or just to prove my point of this person exploiting fat people and people who prefer body agumentations in their sims.

my sims I create for are plus sized, large, fat,. curvy and bigger than most average players play with. these mods are for people who want the same things as to my liking. my aesthetic is not for everyone but i also have in my TOU that my content is for 18+ and that covers for people who prefer a more curvy look to their sims and fetishes and admiration of larger people. I am also aware i cannot control how others use my cc, I can control the influence it has. thats why my presets go to a larger scaled size far as augmentations and bodies. because these people exist in real life like i do. and I view this in an artistic over-proportioned yet aesthetically pleasing way. but my cc, it is NOT CREATED FOR FAT SHAMING FAT-PHOBIA NOR ANYTHING RELATED TO ANOREXIA OR BLUEMIA. IT IS NOT FOR PEOPLE TO MAKE JOKES AND MOCKERY OF POC BODIES IN YOUR VIDEOS AND POSTS. SO for your to make content like that with my cc for a younger audience bothers me, and it should bother you too. I do not want any of these kind of youtubers using my content in their videos for these reasons..if not at all. my original idea for body preset was for bodies that have extra curves and things alot of people want to see far as body-inclusiveness and this is not the light i want this in.

In their videos they speak on a character who has a “phobia of exercise” what kind of bullshit is that? I find it ironic that there is always people who have never experienced being over-weight, and doesn’t even know that weight is determined by height or what these people call “obese” ARE ALWAYS speaking on these things. you cannot relate or know what could be their reason for obesity. these  people are always telling fat people to lose weight or having a problem with them existing. these people are the same ones telling skinny people to EAT MORE. your ignorance clearly have 0 idea of that concept. not all obese people sit around crying about eating food all day and why they cant lose the weight. It is  skinny-privilege for them to make content and stories about weight loss issues and eating disorders when they have 0 experience and no understanding to any of those concepts. its even more sad that these videos have MILLIONS of views. non which have credited my mods. use your underhanded fat-hating bullshit elsewhere it is not wanted here.

and on top of that , they’re a  joke in general. Ive gotten Tea about this youtuber being in tons of other drama in past years related to other discrimating content. Im curious as ot what kind of self-hating auidence is wanting to see big sims exploited like this to the point of making it a whole serious that got millions of views? thats the real question..out of all the millions of haters this is a safe place for people to enjoy their oversized and exaggerated sims without discrimination

Another issue is that I am not as active in simblr community as many other body preset creators are. Yet, i find it funny that my demographic audience that does interact with me doesn’t do things like this but somehow simblr community sees my content as invisible, yet the same type of content is on youtube for 1000s of viewers with 1000s of views without any credit to me or my cc. these youtubers will rather credit body presets of people they see as “normal enough to share to others” than mine. so you mean to tell me that your only reason for using my content is to make shameless stupid videos for your triggering content but you cant be bothered to acknowledge the creator simply because ? it doesnt fit your daily style? you're embarrassed to say where you got it? quick tip, don’t use my cc if you can’t credit me in your videos but will credit others who make the exact same things as i do. period. 

I always notice youtubers do not mention “certain types” creators when they will mention everyone elses especially if its more teen+ NSFW OR POC related and i see you. They will quickly say “tumblr” or “lanaccfinds” which is a LIE most of the best cc is on the creator’s blog / sites.

I am bothered by the mockey and jokes that have been made in these videos of plus sized + curvy sims. plenty of people from their channels have come to my blog asking questions making statements about it and I don’t post about it because I dont want my blog clogged up with negativity from their ignorant following. it proves my point of why i remain to say my cc is 18+ teen to mature.I prefer if people who message me and inbox me with asks about these youtubers to refrain from associating them with me and youtubers stop using my cc in your videos for stupid skits. Yokozii is body-positive body-inclusive always.

[hadeestown]

i watched the heathers on riverdale episode and listened to the soundtrack on spotify and i have a lot of things to say

FIRST OF ALL @ riverdale fandom dont freaking attack me for saying these. just being frank with yall

also the only actors whose names i know of are kj apa, cole sprouse, lili reinhart, camila mendes, and casey cott

BEAUTIFUL

- CASEY COTT,,,,he saved this song he should’ve just sang it alone - they made it so PG they didnt even include the fREAK SLUT CRIPPLE HOMO HOMO HOMO - okay camila sounded okay - kj apa,,,honey youre cute but pls stop singing - josie can sing but like,,,not for musicals - can everyone pls get the emotions right in this song thEYRE LITERALLY SINGING ABOUT HOW HIGH SCHOOL FREAKING SUCKS AND THEYRE ALL "just not today! :D" or "just not today *seductive wink*" - the autotune in lili's verse knjkACN - cole's voice is so deep he sounds like he wants to die - "why do i act like such a creep" whoever sang that im sorry but youre terribly fla t - so many wasted harmonies - "aHhh HEAther hEAther aNd hEATher" why falsetto - "lets make her beautiful" rip harmonies "okAY? okay?" rip falsetto uGh - cheryl can sing but i dont know something's wrong,,, probably autotune - "you hope you dream you pray ANd you GEt yoUR wAY" autotune count: ive lost count - The riverdale producers giving casey cott the high veronica notes is one of the few things they got right in this episode

CANDY STORE - heathers 101 lyrics knAKJCNJA i want to die - they can say biotch but not dick huh - the orchestration's weird,,,but okay - GO PLAY DUCK DUCK GOOSE - ICE CREAM - the first verse was okay then autotuned kicked in - the verses are pretty okay - i want more emotion pls just,,, sound bitchier - "SEE YOU DONT HAVE IT WATCH THIS" HACKNASCKJA IM CACKLING - rip harmonies in 2nd chorus,,,,those were great but they probably didnt find a person who can do the crazy mcnamara notes huh - DOORKNOB - cheryl youre struggling with the bridge - "kEEP ON TESTING ME *lower octave* and end up like her" oof whERE ARE THE HIGH MCNAMARA NOTES - i didnt understand the chandler riff what was that about - rip harmonies aGAIN this song had a lOT of amazing harmonies and they,,,threw it away

FIGHT FOR ME - josie honey youre terribly autotuned - kj apa kjnSCJNKANCKJA why - everything's so autotuned i dont even know what's real and what's not - i kinda like the end harmonies,,that's it tho

BIG FUN - okay orchestration's great - again with the heathers 101 lyrics jNCKSNAJC dont do heathers if you arent bold enough to curse on tv - rip harmonies,,,,,,,,,nobody did like the high notes jesus christ - convenient that they have a character named "Veronica" in the show - i dont know if thats camila's real voice but it did sound nice,,,however, i still believe it's autotUNED - once again, they gave casey cott the high veronica notes "i FEEL LIKE BONO AT LIVE AID" - "take a picTURE I'LL NEED PROOF" who the hell said that he sounded so monotone and emotionless like he forgot at the last minute he had to say a line - awkward silence for the part "i broUGHT SPARKLING CIDER :D" - no context "danG DANG DIGGITY DANG DANG" hAJKCSJNAC me initimidating my enemies - once again, akward silence for the dialogues - dang dang diggity dang dang everything's so autotuned - thE INSTRUMENTAL'S SO LOUD probably to mask the fact that most of the cast werent *cough* vocally trained

DEAD GIRL WALKING - what THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT TINY HARP SOUND AT THE INTRO OF DGW ANKCSJACI CHOKED - a u t o t u n e d  girl walking - the instrumental got better - i see they went with like pianos and shit and not mostly electric guitar for the guitar solo riffs - "ALL HOPE IS GONE IM A DEAD GIRL WALKING IM ON YOUR LAWN" gurl,,,youre in school,,,and there is no window lock,,,,,,, - heATHERS 101 lYRICS KASNKCJANSCKA - "had to see yOU HOPE I DIDNT WAKE YOU" bitch youre all awake in school - i cant listen to this song anymore without hearing the weird hair swishes and sound effects - "that works for me" yall monotone as hELL like yall dont wanna have intense sex just,,,okay sex - "hoWD YOU FIND MY ADDRESS" none of the lyrics make sense bc uhm,,,,theyRE IN SCHOOL - "i think you tore my mattress" gurl is chill as hell where is the concern over the mattress AHAHFANKCC - at least the guy sounded a bit hornier than the other girl - goodbye intense barrett notes - AHAHAHHAA they yeeted away from the G#5 - it's just like G#4??? - the other girl doesnt sound shes enjoying the sex huh - the guy who did the jd riff at the end,,,,hMMM pretty good but is it auTOTUNED??? the question remains - i can tell the whole song's like,,,autotuned but if just a little bit, toni sounded actually great

OUR LOVE IS GOD - the cult girl is not showing any emotion,,,,she's like reciting the lyrics hDJCKAJ - casey cott sounds great but autotuned ruined his voice - harmonies sound great actually - the instrumental is inTENSELY loud as HELL again - "they die becauSE THEY SAY THEY MUST" no context bc jD did not kill anyone in this scene - the ending harmonies were great

SEVENTEEN - fuck me i liked this the first time i heard it - im biased probably bc i love seventeen knKSCAJ - intro instrumental sounded a bit off key - cole pls dont sound dead - lili sounds great - SEVANTEEN - cole redeemed himself in the harmony chorus - is this shit autotuned???? bitch - SEvANTEEN (Cole Sprouse, 2019) - okay one thing's for sure, the tonight part is dEFINITELY AuTOTUnED - the toni girl is intensely autotuned wtf

LIFEBOAT - WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS INSTRUMENTAL - IT SOUNDS LIKE A NEW SONG LIKE LIFEBOAT WHO?? - I HATE IT - camila you dont sound oppressed - where's the emotion,,,,,elle mclemore who???? - i think the high notes are autotuned???????????????? whats new - I THOUGHT I WAS CAPTAIN - okay lyric change to fit the plot but,,,weird nonetheless - again,,,fuck this instrumental

SEVENTEEN REPRISE - in the episode, it looks weird as hell bc like random cast members are singing it when VERONICA and MARTHA should be singing it - hello??? chandler kurt and ram should be dead yet theyre still on stage???? fully clothed??? singing with everyone else????? - the producers DID NOT watch the musical - "martha are you free tonight?" - the girl playing veronica sawyer sings as she stares out into the audience and not at martha bc riverdale isnt about to cast a fat girl and give a fat girl some screentime on their show - KJ APA PLS - also cheryl,,,pls - a u t o tu n e - the song doesnt make any sense anymore bc it's taken out of context to fit the plot,,, - theyre all singing to an invisible martha - at least the harmonies sound decent fiNALLY - hello head voice - "TAKE oFF OUR SHOES AND DANCe" - the ending "BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL" i could not hear the girls bc they were all. singing. in. head. voice. or was it falsetto??? - im so done with this

OVERALL - what's the point of doing a heathers episode if yall aint gonna stick to the musical - i get that it has to be aligned with the show's plot but,,,,okay you do you - the people playing JD and Veronica were totally ignored bc like some songs meant for them werent even sung by them lmaooOOOO what is this - to summarize: AUTOTUNE - heathers kidz bop version by riverdale (2019) - im honestly just thirsty for new heathers content so i forced myself to live through this - costumes look cute tho - ALSO in their heathers promo poster, josie is wearing her veronica sawyer costume,,,,i dont recall seeing her wear that except for the last scene in seventeen (reprise) - basically seventeen (reprise) was a mess,,, - im judging them so much as if i can do better,,,,,,,,but whatever

IN CONCLUSION - they shouldve learned from their carie episode that musical episodes arent meant for riverdale - at this point, i dont even know what's autotuned and what's real

[aeruthien]

Next up in my favourite things about the Originals: the cinematography.

One of the things which caught my attention while watching is that the Originals has a very distinct style wrt the cinematography. Im in no way a film expert, but Ill just point out the aspects which I noticed, which were mostly the use of close-ups and long shots, the framing of the characters, and the use of space. The examples I use are all from s01e10, which has a bit of a horror-vibe, but the techniques are used throughout the series. Maybe Ill do another episode one day.

This post is very picture heavy because it is hard to talk about this without giving examples. I definitely recommend going back to see the episode (or any episode) again and pay attention to these things. (Also because it is an excuse to watch TO again ;) )

TO has a lot of beautiful locations, and they have created beautiful sets, which they gladly make use of.

Take for example this shot:

It is a long shot in deep focus, which means that everything is in focus and we can see the details of the books on the self and so forth. The characters themselves almost disappear within the frame, and are placed to the far left. Marcel moves here, so we follow him through the frame, but he is moving to the left, instead of to the right. Before the cut he nearly blocks Klaus from view. So instead of opening up the space, he makes it even smaller, adding to the tense situation of these guys arguing with each other.

Here is another example between Cami and Kieran. Again a deep focus shot, in which the details are almost overwhelming. The darkness of the chairs seems to cut the frame in half, and gives the illusion of a changed aspect ratio.

Or this shot of Sophie (she is standing between the trees to the left, almost invisible:

They use this technique a lot, often to make the dialogue which are often quite heavy on exposition more interesting and adding a sinister touch to it. The characters are going behind each other’s back, and by positioning them behind objects or things, the audience gets the feeling that we are spying on them and that we are not supposed to hear what they are saying. Take this shot of Hayley, who is on the phone with Sophie, talking about going behind Elijah’s back:

And Sophie on the other side of this conversation:

They are clearly up to no good. Again, both are small compared to the size of the screen.

Within these longshots, part of the frames are often blocked by either characters or objects. In the above, it is objects, but in the shot below it is characters:

And here as well (Elijah is standing to the right):

Hayley and Elijah are almost unrecognizable as characters.

But they also use the scenery, such as here:

Or here:

Nearly 2/3rd of the frame is black, leaving very little space for the actual characters. It nearly becomes an abstract painting in this way. Add to that that Marcel’s back is turned towards Klaus and Klaus is looking away (never mind the pool of blood) and you get a very sinister shot.

Something interesting also happens here:

Davina draws the attention at first, because she is the only character dressed in white and she is the one positioned in the centre. But the triangle created by the dark outlines at the left and bottom, and the line where the wall meets the floor at the top, guide the gaze towards Josh who enters at the upper left. Whatever way the eyes wander after straying from Davina, they are forced to stay within the triangle. And then the bodies (laying and standing) form a line which they can follow.

All of these shots are made especially poignant because they are juxtaposed with close up shots with the background out of focus, like these:

This shot immediately precedes the first one I showed with Marcel and Klaus. So an out of focus close up shot is followed by a(n) (extreme) long shot deep focus shot.

In this shot with Davina,

the background is completely unrecognizable. The lights are only blurred bulbs. Also notice that she is positioned to the extreme left and takes up less than 1/4th of the frame, as well as being shown in a side-profile. This makes her snarl even more expressive (and impressive) somehow.

But even when shot from the front, they play with space:

The audience’s gaze can be guided or directed through multiple aspects in an image/scene. One of these is movement, another is the eyeline of the characters. We automatically follow where Rebekah is looking at, which in the above scene is to the right (her left). Like with Marcel’s movement in the first shot, she looks away from the open space instead of towards it, guiding the audience’s gaze out of frame.

Here the same happens with Kieran:

This is not the only technique at their disposal, but they do similar things when there are two characters in the shot present:

While Klaus in in the centre, our gaze is directed to the left because he looks to the left, so off centre. In this particular shot it is also interesting that his shoulders are turned towards us, while his head is turned towards Cami.

Characters are often positioned in ways that is slightly confusing:

The guy Tim is in focus, but is framed to the left. Rebekah is out of focus, but draws the attention more than him, also because Davina is nearly obstructs his face. Or in the following shot:

Elijah is in focus, but again framed to the far left. His eyeline also guides our gaze out of the screen. Marcel nearly blends in with the background, but because he is a character and we are used to focus on them, he still draws attention, making it confusing as to where we should look.

So tl;dr: TO does some cool and interesting things when it comes to cinematography. I want to end with this sequence:

Rebekah brings in Davina. There is a high contrast between the shadows and the lights. The camera pans to the right, and we get this shot:

Again the scene is in deep focus. The details of the windows in the back, but also the details in the front are all visible and sharp. Note that both Elijah and Klaus are visible in the background. After the confrontation with Klaus, the shot is mirrored as Rebekah walks back out again:

Now only Klaus is left in the background. He is small, while Rebekah is large, which is also the current power balance between the two.

I think TO contains some very stunning shots, and I wish I could see it in the cinemas on the big screen.

[writingonthemoon]

Old Clothes Part 4

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3

Word Count: ≈ 2116

Warnings: Mentions of death, murder, fear of failure

Author's Note: Okay, so I accidentally started previously that Odette first Burned when she was nine.  That was incorrect as she was much younger.  Also, this isn’t exactly what I wanted for this part, but I think it sets up my plans for the next part nicely.

Old clothes are always a little strange.  Someone once loved them—cherished them—and now they’re nothing more than a mask.  The quality vanishes with the donation bin.  Dresses for the rich are now for the poor and those for the poor are falling to pieces.  Those stitched by mothers have a different energy about them.  The love that holds the fabric together never quite fades and it always remains soft, even after the countless storms and attacks of nature.  The items warmed your soul whenever they were held and the rush of emotions was overwhelming in the most brilliant way possible.  My sister missed the opportunity for that feeling.

     My mother used to make my clothes for me. She would buy the fabrics and spend an entire Sunday making me a new outfit. They were my favourite things in all the world. We only kept one when we first left. It was the one I was wearing, but it wasn't the same when it was handed down to Clara. Ashes had woven their way into the seams and the smell of fire lingered no matter what we would do. The warmth of love carried the burning of a fire. Delicate lace that lined the edges were rough with hardened emotions.

      I sighed and motioned for my audience to sit down. Jack and Davey pulled chairs out from my table, still staying quite close. Albert grabbed a seat for Crutchie and himself, while Buttons plopped himself on the ground with his legs crossed. "Before I say anything else, you have to promise you won't tell anyone. Not a soul. I shouldn't be telling you any of this since it puts more people than just me in danger, but I think you deserve to know. Promise." I made eye contact with every one of them and they all nodded in reply. "Great. Fantastic. Brilliant." I ran my hand through my hair once again.

     "I was born in London, I believe, in 1791. My father's name is—was James and my mother's name was Lilijah. At least, that's what their names were while I was growing up. The Burn existed long before I was born, probably back when the first monarchies began. It was never meant to be a way of life. The Burn... it was always a safety procedure, a cautionary plan if you will.

     "Say everything goes wrong. You're being framed for murder or are being chased by the police or mafia or it's anything else that's basically the end of the world for you. Well, in my family, that's the end of the world for whomever you were. Then, you are reborn, so to speak.

     "It's simple enough, really. Everything you once owned, your clothes, books, anything that could identify you, would be taken out to an empty space. There, you set a match to it, lighting everything ablaze and erasing all evidence of you ever existing. It worked exceptionally well when I was little since towns and cities were so spread out and people just died suddenly, but people would notice if you just disappeared since there were so few people living in the area. Today, it's easy to vanish, but harder to locate a burn spot.

     "Once the ashes lay at your feet, you build yourself again. New name, new place, new story. Of course, this plan wasn't meant for frequent use. So you have to get creative sometimes. I can't even tell you how many people I've become. My name is Odette Davenport, though. It's the one thing I've always known. I don't know my birthday, where I'm truly from, how I prefer my tea or if I even like tea. At this point, Odette is just another character I'm to play before I move on from this place."

     My gaze met the ground as I paused, not knowing how to go on. Two of these boys were related to me. They have a right to know, but should they? Who knew how many times Clara and Elijah had Burned before settling down and washing the ash from their nailbeds. Did they even share the family shame with anyone or was it the secret that killed them? No, they should know. They should know why.

     Jesse. No, he's not Jesse. Jesse is gone now, he doesn't matter. This one does. He's different, better than Jesse. In his eyes, I'm a person. A real person who feels the same as others do and thinks the same thoughts. I'm just older, suffering a long-lasting curse, just as he is. His leg was the poison that was crawling through his body and killing him slowly. The water rushed through my veins, stripping away any sign of illness or death, keeping me alive. How I wished I could switch with him, feel sickness and pain and worry about mortality instead of harbouring the fear of my past coming up behind me and pushing me over the edge, only to fall forever.

      Jack and Davey must think I'm insane with my tale. That or they're calling into question what they knew about life and the universe.  Perhaps it was both at once.  The two need not be here, listening to my woes, yet they sit in anticipation, awaiting my next breath.  But why?  This has no consequence upon their lives.  I’m merely a single person in a list of thousands that they’ve met just in a day.  Compared to the years they would exist, it’s an interaction that means most nothing.  Yet they are content with sitting and giving me their attention as if I were the Queen during a time of war.  An odd comparison since my actions would lead me down a far less noble path where I would abdicate the throne and flee the country.

     "I was four when I first Burned.  I had accidentally stolen food and my parents feared the worst.  We weren't living in a town known for forgiveness.  We packed up in the middle of the night, brought everything out to the field.  I still feel the scorching heat on my face sometimes, when I’m at my lowest.  The smell of burning memories in one you never think you'll know, but you’ll never forget it either.  We kept very few things from my first life.  My grandmother's ring," I held up my hand to show off the flat gold front with worn initials carved into the front, "some money, the clothes we were wearing, and our names." There was a small gasp from Buttons and Albert.  The family trait for worry and fear of failure seemed to run deeper than I thought.

     "My brother Elijah Burned when he was five and Clara was only one at the time.  Once again, it was all my fault.  My mind escaped me and I wandered to follow it.  I was only ten and they shouldn’t have blamed me for what I came across." I huffed and shook my head, clearing the daunting image from my brain, "It was a body, what I found.  I...They thought I killed him.  Me, a ten-year-old, killed a fully grown man.  I was going to be arrested, put on death row, for something I didn’t do.  So we Burned.  After that, it became frequent.  The five of us carried matches on our person just in case we had to leave in a hurry.  We no longer controlled the burn.  It controlled us."

     "Wait, you was four when youse did this?" I nodded to Jack, confirming the answer he knew, "But you was just a kid!  That ain’t right!"

     "I lived in different times, Jack.  Very different times.  I was British in America not eight years after the War for Independence.  They would do anything to get rid of us.  It was like we were a plague when we wanted out of England the same way they did." I glanced out the dingy window, seeing the onset twilight, "Oh god, I best be going." I pushed myself off the table I was perched on, "Thank you for the supplies to fix myself up and I guess for listening to part of my life story." My mouth met the cheeks of each boy in thanks, something I had picked up in my travels.  I started backing out of the room when Crutchie’s face caught my eye.  He was crestfallen, the corners of his mouth turning down as he sighed and kicked lightly at the ground.  I couldn't just leave like this.  Not after what I had told them all.  But I needed to. "Do one of you think you could walk me to my hotel?  It is quite dark and I don’t want to be in any danger."

     Before anyone could respond, Jack stepped forward, "I'll take ya.  I know dese streets betta than anyone else." He led me out the Lodging House as I waved at the boys in a final goodbye.  I uttered the address of my temporary arrangements and we stalked the streets in silence, becoming long shadows that extend for miles around sharp corners.  I watched Jack more than the path ahead of me, trying to piece together the mystery I wanted to know.  He and Davey... what was it about them?

     "You know, if ya wanna look at me, starin' like that ain't too covert."

     "Davey," Jack's posture straightened and I could tell his breaths were shallowing, "there's something about him you like, isn't there.  More than just a friend perhaps."

      "I don't know what youse talkin' 'bout.  Dave is one a my best friends," I saw the slight fall in his expression, turning to sadness and bitterness, "Why would there be anything else to 'im that I like?  It's not like I'll just listen to him go on hours 'bout nothin'.  And it ain't his pretty eyes or soft hair or anything.  Definitely not." He shook his head and met my gaze, a pleading look on his face.  Nobody could know.  Even if Jack couldn't help himself when it came to talking about his counterpart, no one could know.

     "Definitely not." I winked at him and we chuckled.  A quiet followed afterwards until Jack broke the invisible barrier

     "You ain't gonna leave us, right?  Not yet?"

     I stared him dead in the eye, ready to avoid making the real decision, "Of course not.  There’s still so much you all don't know yet."

     "Great.  I think Al and Buttons really enjoy having you here.  Crutch too.  He doesn't trust many too much.  There's only a few of us he’s real close to.  Somethin' about you is different.  I could see it in his face.  I think he really likes ya." I blushed at the thought of Crutchie liking me.  It wasn't a concept that was foreign to me, but I didn't expect it from this boy after hearing I was immortal.

      The middle-class building loomed above us, beckoning me towards the room I had booked, "I guess this is me." I shrugged and thanked Jack for walking me.  he stole a hug before running back into the night.  My fingers found my hair as I entered the building, climbing the stairs.  The room I had booked was tiny, a single bed crammed against the wall and a trunk placed at the end.   A window was across from the door, leading to the fire escape, and there was a cracked mirror mounted by a closet that would fit only a child.

     My fingers found their way around the room, collecting my things as my mind ran around the world, searching for a place to run to.  The checklist was losing empty boxes and the panic inside me wasn't reflected on the outside. This was normal.  My footsteps were almost nonexistent as I floated out of the room and to the empty bathroom shared by all the guests on my floor.  The lock flicked shut at my will and I carefully stacked my items within the confines of the bathtub.  I opened the window to filter the air into the black night.

     But the boys.  I couldn't do this to them.  My family.  Crutchie.  It wasn't fair that I was leaving them in the dark, no idea of the end or middle of the story.  then again, life was never fair either.  Certainly not this one.  The moment I started this, it went downhill.  I studied the pile across from me, spinning the historic ring around my finger.  My hand found the box in my pocket.  A snap of the wrist later and my face was illuminated with the soft glow of the burning match. Ashes were always the beginning, but what was the end?

[teruthecreator]

💘 for macknerva!!

anon, you are a genius. you’ve basically just sent the magical question that has now unlocked for the world: macknerva origin story (bc honestly i realized i just start posting abt it without rlly explaining it??? and someone people are loving it??? so thank yall for being my ultimate favs but u deserve this origin) 

also this is several days late (thank u Depression) and also super long (thank u Dumb Brain) so i hope you can forgive me for both of these things   

💘: who developed a crush on the other first? 

it’s time we take it back....Back To The Start.  

so since this is my magical world of My Own Personal Canon (since i stole griffin mcelroys rights), minerva ends up in Kepler in a completely unnamed and not talked abt manner (bc im too tired to explain my general alternate theory hgkgldlgbfhke but busically she just got on a ship to earth to avoid dying) and is staying with duck until further notice. she doesn’t mind laying low at duck’s apartment until they’re able to figure out Everything and get her set up w a place of her own (spoiler alert: that never happens, but duck won’t admit he just misses having a roommate so they let it slide). 

after about a month (which feels like eons in minerva’s mind), she starts to get antsy. she’s already been introduced to the pine guard and amnesty lodge, by this point, so she’s constantly trying to hang out with someone so she isn’t stuck in duck’s apartment all hours of the day. 

which is how minerva ends up in the cryptonomica the day kirby has to run into his job at the theatre for a good portion of the day. it’s pretty empty in the shop--i mean museum, so it’s not like ned minds (plus him and mack have already struck up an agreement, which i explained in a previous post abt ned and macks friendship) especially when minerva’s around to willingly pick up the slack. 

but this second job has minerva curious: 

minerva: I assumed your assistant, Kirby, had only the singular position at your museum?  ned, from behind the counter: Oh, for a while he did, but then the theatre opened up and his services were needed elsewhere. And who am I, Ned “Theatrical” Chicane, to deny such a marvelous establishment of the skills and technical prowess Kirby possesses?”  minerva: Oh? A theatre, you say? 

here comes some random personal hc: on her homeworld, minerva was involved in her planet’s form of theatre (which i’ve always pictured to be very greek-esque, thus explaining her naturally booming voice) and absolutely adored it as a hobby. she, obviously, understands there will be a difference between Earthen theatre and the theatre she once performed; but there is no denying that that thought barely crossed her mind as she proceeded to pester ned about the theatre until he suggested she get a part-time job there. 

(ned knows mack’s struggles with keeping hires at the theatre, which is why he is quick to suggest minerva get a job there. that, and ned knows enough abt mack at this point to pretty accurately guess her Type. so let’s just say ned was doing this for both macks gain, but also for his gain to be able to harass her abt her hot new employee that he totally inflicted on her on purpose) 

ned probably brings it up later that night, or the next day. just really casually drops that he has someone interested in a position at the theatre:

mack: Holy fuck--yes, Ned! Tell them they’re hired!!! What can they do?   ned: Hmmmmm, well she’s quite fit, and has no qualms with getting her hands dirty.  mack: Oh, perfect! I need some more set builders! Thanks a whole lot, Ned. I knew you’d always have my back.  ned, knowing full well what he’s just wrought: Oh, of course, dear Mackerel. Anything for a friend! 

cue the next day: mack is just going about the theatre, business as usual, staying sort of close to the house doors so she can be Right There when ned comes in with the new hire. she’s faced away from the doors, checking something on her phone (probably her texts with ned, to see if he’s arrived yet) when she hears the doors open and shut. mack turns around to witness the Hottest Woman She Has Ever Seen In Her Goddamn Life. 

she’s tall--holy shit is she tall--with beautiful dark skin painted with these almost glowing blue tattoos that travel all the way across powerful arms and a prominent collarbone. but the tattoos don’t stop there, of course they don’t. they go all the way up to this woman’s bald head, perfectly framing her beautiful face. high cheekbones, strong chin, a wonderful nose (mack doesn’t have much of a preference for noses but this one is perfect she just knows it), masterfully-carved eyebrows that look like they were chiseled out of stone, and those enchanting, bright, beautiful bright blue eyes.  

mack’s brain basically short-circuits once minerva smiles at her (with those pearly white teeth and a grin so inviting it feels like her whole heart is melting), so she’s barely able to process the smug ned beside minerva. 

@goforduck drew this scene for me a while back and imma show it to u all bc i love him, his art, and the hot takes he gives my special lil ship: 

needless to say, mack Is Attracted, but i wouldn’t necessarily consider it a crush. meanwhile, minerva’s pov, she’s so damn excited for this job that she’s practically vibrating on the way in. and then, like romantic poetic would have it, all of that energy halts as time stands still and minerva locks eyes with....mack.  

mack definitely looks a little disheveled, but it’s like every fly-away hair crowns her head like a halo as those gemstones-for-eyes lock w minerva. she’s never seen someone she has felt so immediately attracted to in her life. but, that being said, she still does not Have A Crush. 

so after all the awkward blustering (AKA mack tripping over every eighth word as minerva turns on the Charm to keep that blush on mack’s freckled face) mack starts to get minerva accustomed to the work environment and the tasks she’d need to do. eventually, she hands minnie off to kirby bc shes got work to do, and the rest of the day goes by uneventfully. 

now minerva works at the theatre, and she’s Delighted w it. the job is easy but entertaining, she’s making friends, her knowledge of the world is expanding, and she now has a target for some very playful flirting and obvious showing-off of her muscles. because, listen....she has Eyes. she Knows mack always blusters whenever she’s around. and she knows herself, too. mack is cute and minerva likes making her blush. but there hasn’t been that moment where things are taken seriously.  

until about a month in, when minerva walks into something she maybe shouldn’t have but also definitely should have. 

you see, mack has a very important ritual in the morning. she arrives at the theatre at the absolute ass crack of dawn so she can get her yoga/stretching/vocal warmups in (since she is still a performer at heart and this has been her routine since college) and then sit by herself on the stage just sorta soaking it all in before kirby comes in with her coffee (which she needs in order to get up from her seated position on the stage bc she is that much of a coffee addict). just about every employee on staff knows not to even bother coming in this early bc 1. this ritual is very Private and Sacred to mack and 2. ur not even gonna be able to speak to her unless ur kirby w her coffee. 

“just about” encompasses every employee except for minerva, who decides to show up before kirby to bring mack her coffee (that she memorized after cornering kirby for the specifics one day) 

so she comes in the back entrance and is sort of at a loss as to where mack may be bc she doesn’t know mack’s routine. and she’s just kinda wandering aimlessly through all the shops and little rooms until she reaches the wings, where she hears the gentle strumming of a guitar. 

she approaches, with all the caution of a woman who has spent years mastering the art of stealth along w her combat studies, and comes upon the following scene: 

mack is seated in the exact center of the stage, eyes shut peacefully as her body sways to the tempo of the song she’s strumming on the guitar she’s playing (which minerva recognizes as the guitar that some idiot pit member left here about two weeks ago). she’s singing (the song is Dream A Little Dream of Me), and her voice is so soft yet so resonate that minerva feels as if she could stand right next to her or be 1000 feet away and hear the exact same thing. and she sounds so good, so completely in the song she’s performing and in her contentedness that it eases some subconscious unease minerva was holding. in the time minerva’s known mack, it’s the most natural she’s ever heard or seen her, just playing for an invisible audience in the dim lights of a theatre not yet awakened. 

minerva doesn’t realize she’s drifting closer to mack until she steps on an uneven plank, and the noise snaps mack out of her little world as she turns to the noise. needless to say, she’s a little surprised that minerva’s here this early, but then minerva wordlessly hands her her coffee and so mack could care less. she accepts the drink w a smile and then decides to go to her office to get started on some business emails. 

it isn’t until mack has already left the stage, and minerva is still stuck in the same position she was when she handed mack her coffee--heart racing a million miles a minute, face hot, and stomach feeling as if an entire colony of butterflies suddenly took refuge there--that minerva realizes that she is Endlessly, Hopelessly Fucked In Love. 

So yeah, TLDR; Minerva was first. 

[iffeelscouldkill]

Good For Morale

After three and a half weeks of working on this fic and countless distractions, revisions and moments where I had to bribe myself into working on it, it’s finally finished! Here is my longest TSCOSI fic to date, and it’s all about Sana Tripathi. I love that woman.

Of course because I’m me, there’s bonus Arkady/Violet and a bit of Brian/Krejjh, but mostly it’s wall-to-wall Sana Feels and my attempts to get inside her head, understand her character and play out her relationship with Campbell. I really dig their flirty chemistry, and I’m excited to see what their relationship becomes in the podcast :D

This is set post-episode 9, and contains my very vague and bad guesses about things that could happen in episode 10. I look forward to finding out how wrong I am!

Summary: After a daring escape from the IGR, the crew of the Rumor is en route to Telemachus. Sana is preoccupied over an impending reconciliation with Campbell, trying to navigate their suddenly strained relationship, and understand her own feelings towards her old friend.

It would help if she could stop walking in on her crewmates making use of the hammock in the mess hall.

Read on AO3

It wasn’t uncommon on the Rumor to run into Brian and Krejjh being cuddly and sickeningly cute in any given part of the ship.

They spent most of their time either up in the cockpit or in their shared room, but Sana had stumbled across them in the kitchen, the engine room, the medical closet – even her own room during one infamous incident where Brian and Krejjh’s bunk was being fumigated for asteroid ticks. (Brian had apologised profusely for that one).

It wasn’t that they were into public displays of affection so much as they just couldn’t seem to help themselves, thought Sana wryly. And now they were occupying the makeshift hammock she’d constructed out of safety harnesses and string in the middle of the mess hall.

Good for morale, indeed. It wasn’t like she’d ever walked on them doing anything more than PG-rated (not like that time with Arkady’s one-night-stand on Telemachus - god, they were drunk that night), it was just – a little distracting sometimes. Especially at 6 o’clock in the morning, ship’s time, when she’d rather been hoping to eat her breakfast in peace. Sana stood there for a moment, holding her steaming bowl of congee (real congee, not the stuff from the depths of the store cupboard that Arkady sometimes tried to pass off as congee), and settled on a cheerful, “Morning, guys.” One of Krejjh’s pairs of eyes flicked towards her, and they nudged Brian to get his attention. Brian broke away from Krejjh and looked up at Sana, smiling. “Oh, hey, Captain. Didn’t expect to see you up so early.”

“I could say the same about you both,” Sana pointed out. Brian gave his signature loose shrug and a genial smile. “Krejjh’s shift just ended and I was nappin’ in the cockpit, so we both decided to come down here for a change of scene.” “This hammock really does hold weight a lot better than I would’ve expected, all things considered,” Krejjh added brightly. “The more you know!” “That is good to know,” Sana agreed dryly. “Anyway – we’ll leave to your breakfast,” Brian said, hopping up and holding out his hand to Krejjh to help them up. “Aww, but I was comfortable.” Pouting, Krejjh allowed themself to be hauled out of the hammock, keeping their hand intertwined with Brian’s as the two of them left the mess. “See you later, Cap’n!” As the door slid shut behind them, Sana looked thoughtfully at the hammock. After a moment’s indecision, she smiled to herself and sat down, then swivelled to the side and attempted to swing her legs up into the hammock. It was at that moment that the (very hot!) bowl of congee she’d balanced on her lap slid perilously and threatened to spill all over her legs – reminding Sana why she’d stopped using the hammock in the first place.

The second time it happened was only a week later. This time, it was Sana who’d been needing a change of scene. She’d been more or less cooped up in her room since they’d returned from the supply run on Thalassa. Her isolation wasn’t deliberate; she’d just been trying to prepare herself for– well. Anyway, she’d gone down to the kitchen and raided what was left of those “strange flavor” Chinese snacks Violet had bought to see what they tasted like (the rest of the crew hated them, but Sana kind of liked them) and wandered into the mess to find– It was Violet and Arkady this time, Arkady lying in the hammock with Violet propping herself up on her hands above her. She was giggling, and Arkady was looking up at her with an expression that Sana had never seen on her best friend’s face before. It was fierce, loving, and protective all at once; there was a sort of longing there, but also a having, and a wonder at the place she’d found herself, all at the same time. Sana thought that it must be what coming home looked like. The sight caused an unexpected stab of loneliness to run through her. She was beyond thrilled for her best friend, really – it was about damn time that Arkady had got her ass in gear and acted on her very obvious feelings for their resident Science Officer. The entire crew had cheered when Violet grabbed Arkady and kissed her during the Rumor’s break-neck escape from New Jupiter and the IGR. Sana was pretty sure she’d cheered loudest of all. But… It was one thing to see (and hear) Brian and Krejjh acting coupley around the ship and know that she could still knock on Arkady’s door in the dead of night sometimes and complain about the futility of romantic relationships, or get a little drunk and confess to her best friend that she was afraid of being alone, and have the two of them make a pact that they would always be there for each other. It was another thing to be reminded that she was the only one on the ship that hadn’t found someone. She began backing out of the room, but Violet must have caught the movement on the periphery of her vision. She looked up, and blushed bright red as she realised that they had an audience. “Oh! S-Sana, hi!” Arkady twisted around underneath Violet and attempted a wave, completely unselfconscious. “Hey, Captain. Look, we’re using the hammock! I can feel my morale improving already.” “Right,” said Sana distantly. She knew she sounded strained, but couldn’t quite figure out how to make her voice… not be. “That’s good. Don’t let me interrupt.” She turned and left the mess hall.

Arkady watched Sana leave, then turned to frown at Violet. “What was that about?” Violet sat back on her heels, looking concerned. “Sana has been really withdrawn lately. I feel like I’ve hardly seen her since we left Thalassa. Has she spoken to you?” Arkady shrugged as best she could in her horizontal position. “Not really.” She mentally reviewed the last several days – and then remembered the cargo that they’d picked up on Nereid.

“Oh, right. We’re due to call on Campbell in Telemachus, and it’s gonna be the first time that Sana has seen him since we skipped out on our stop to go rescue you, and then, y’know... accused him of double-crossing us. I guarantee she’s stressing about it.” “Crap,” said Violet, and Arkady fought off a smile at Violet’s mild curse words. Then again, she’d also heard her curse fluently and extremely impressively in Mandarin when Arkady came in bleeding from a gunshot wound to the side, so she supposed it was all relative. “But surely he gets it, I mean – our lives were under threat. There was no possible way to know who was after us. And Sana was just trying to protect her crew.” “Yeah, but you know Sana,” Arkady said wryly. “She takes this stuff to heart. And she and Campbell, well… they go pretty far back.” Violet nodded, biting her lip. Her mouth was red and tempting, and Arkady would have loved to wrap the intimate moment back around them and carry on, but she couldn’t leave Sana to get lost in her own head and overblown sense of responsibility. “I should go after her,” she said regretfully. “Not to ditch ya right in the middle, but...” “No, it’s fine, this is important. You should go and talk to Sana,” said Violet. She leaned down to press a quick kiss to Arkady’s mouth. “I’m not going anywhere.”

How the hell did I get so lucky? Arkady wondered, staring up at Violet. It was only when Violet asked, “What?”, her cheeks growing pink again, that she realised she’d been gazing in silence for about a minute with a dopey smile growing on her face.

“Nothing,” said Arkady hastily, scrambling out from under Violet and hopping to her feet. “Wish me luck – I’m about to go and talk about feelings.”

“You’ll live,” Violet told her drily.

Sana had only been sitting down on her bunk for a few moments when her door slid open to admit Arkady. She looked up in surprise.

“Arkady,” she said, frowning slightly. “Look, you didn’t need to come after me, Violet-”

“Is this about Campbell?” Arkady asked, wasting no time in getting to the point.

“Is what about Campbell?” Sana asked. She knew better than to play dumb with her best friend, but to have answered Arkady’s question with anything else felt like too much of an admission. That she was more preoccupied than she’d been letting on.

“You barely leaving your room, acting closed off, freaking out when you walked in on Violet and me just now. Given that you’ve walked in on me in way more compromising positions-” Arkady smirked at the memory, “I figured something else was bothering you. And we’re due to land on Telemachus in just a few days.”

Sana sighed. “Yeah, it’s been on my mind.”

“Look,” said Arkady, sitting down next to Sana. “You were doing what you thought was best for your crew. We had no other suspects! We sure as hell weren’t going to jump to ‘invisible robots in the air’ as the obvious source of our leak. Sometimes you just have to make a call – Campbell of all people should understand that. If he doesn’t, fuck ‘im. We can find other contacts.”

“I know,” said Sana. “I’m not second-guessing my decision; I know it was the right one. But Campbell isn’t just another customer. I want to fix things with him. I’m just not sure how.”

“He agreed to take our cargo from Nereid, though, right? Was he hostile when you spoke to him?”

“Not exactly.” Sana thought back to the short conversation that she’d had with Campbell not long after their flight from the IGR.

“Computer. Outside call. Sana Tripathi to Ignatius Campbell.”

“Attempting connection!” chirped ELLA, and this time, Sana just about suppressed her flinch at hearing Emily Craddock’s voice coming out of her computer. It was going to take her a little while to stop associating it with everything that had happened.

“Sana.” Campbell picked up immediately. Sana had timed the call for late evening on Telemachus, when she’d known Campbell would be available, but she was still gratified and a little relieved. “What’s happening? I heard about what happened on New Jupiter. Are you safe? Is your crew safe?”

“We’re all fine, Campbell,” Sana replied. She tried to keep the weariness from her voice, but didn’t think she’d succeeded. After a moment, she admitted, “Just tired.”

“I’m… glad to hear that,” said Campbell slowly, and there it was – the awkwardness she’d expected. Sana held back a sigh, and tried to think of what else to say. Campbell beat her to it.

“You know, you could have called. If you’d needed… anything. A hiding place. Somewhere to rest. Supplies. I… I know I said that there wasn’t much point in us talking – I said that in the heat of the moment. But you should know that you can always call.”

“I do know,” Sana told him. She might have felt uneasy about having accused Campbell of double-crossing them, but she still knew that if they’d needed a friend, or someplace to lie low, Campbell would have come through for them. “It’s not that I didn’t trust you, Campbell – but it wasn’t safe. We were on the run, and the last thing I wanted was to lead the IGR to your door.”

“Oh,” said Campbell, in a tone that Sana couldn’t identify. “I see.”

“It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you,” Sana emphasised again, because she felt that it was worth repeating. “I knew… I know that you didn’t sell us out to the IGR.”

Campbell was silent for a little while, and Sana wished that she could see his expression. Most state-of-the-art intergalactic comm systems had holotech that would allow you to view the person on the other end, but nothing about the Rumor was state-of-the-art. It hadn’t seemed like a function worth splurging on, especially as they preferred for many of their contacts not to be able to identify them.

“Okay,” Campbell said eventually. “I appreciate that. Did you manage to find the source of your leak?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it was… unexpected,” said Sana. “It’s kind of a long story to explain over a call, but… I could tell it to you in person.”

There was another pause. “Are you guys near Telemachus?”

“We’re actually just about to call in on a contact in Nereid,” said Sana. “They’ve got some cargo that I think you might be interested in.”

“Oh,” said Campbell again, a flat note in his voice. “So, this is a business call.”

“I was hoping it could be a catch-up between old friends,” Sana said cautiously.

Campbell said nothing, and Sana began to wonder if their relationship really was beyond repair. It hurt that something like this could have come between them; when you were a group of smugglers on the wrong side of the law, true friends were few and far between, but she’d never hesitated to count Campbell as one of them. He was allowed to call her Sana; most of their contacts would have been swiftly excommunicated if they’d tried. (She still called him Campbell, despite his insistences, but that was one of those friendly-banter parts of their relationship that she’d always enjoyed, and she thought he did too).

She’d met his family, and the nephews he adored; he’d met her crew. But maybe none of that mattered as much as she’d thought.

She resisted the urge to prompt Campbell or check whether the connection was still active. Finally, Campbell said, “Nereid isn’t exactly in the neighbourhood. You’d have a pretty long trek to get out here.”

Sana stiffened. “If you’d rather we didn’t make the trip-”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Campbell cut in quickly. “But you’d be going pretty far out of your way just to call in on little ol’ me. What’s the cargo?”

“Four cases of Nereien chocolates,” said Sana. “I got them at a pretty good rate.”

“Those are my favourites,” Campbell said, and she could hear the surprise in his voice. “They’re rare, too.”

“Call it a peace offering,” Sana replied.

“You don’t need to make peace with me, Sana,” said Campbell. “You never did.”

This time, it was Sana’s turn to say nothing. After a few moments, Campbell said, “Call me when you’re on the approach, and I’ll come meet you at the landing site.”

“I…” Sana had been about to say, ‘I’ll look forward to it,’ but she wasn’t sure how it would be received. She settled for, “Thank you, Campbell. I’ll be in touch. Sana Tripathy out.”

“It was hard for me to get a read on him,” Sana told Arkady. “There were a lot of awkward silences, and… I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He told me before that he wasn’t angry at me, and I believe him, but he seemed… disappointed, maybe? Or, not disappointed, but… like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I guess I can’t blame him.”

Arkady’s mouth twisted, but she said, “Honestly, I think you’re over-thinking this, Sana. If he says he’s not angry, and he’s still willing to trade with us, then what’s the issue? Things are bound to be kind of awkward, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything else going on here. You guys can clear the air in person once we land on Telemachus.”

Sana sighed. “Yeah, I know. It’s just-” She hesitated, and then forged ahead with the other thing that had been bothering her. “Remember how you said that Campbell seemed friendlier than usual, when we called him to ask for new IDs? Almost like he was… hitting on me?”

“Yeah,” said Arkady with a smirk. It faded as she put two and two together. “It seemed suspicious, combined with the fact that we didn’t know who our leak was – evidence pointed to Campbell being the source. But if he wasn’t, then…”

“Then I guess he was just… hitting on me?” Sana said uncertainly. “And I don’t really know what to make of that. You’ve always teased me about how friendly we are, about how one day I’ll ‘ride off into the sunset to grow tomatoes with Campbell’-”

“Okay, I said that one time,” said Arkady. “But in general – yeah. You guys are close. Closer than the rest of us. I’m friendly with him, and he and Krejjh have that weird spicy-food rapport, but that’s all through you. You guys are the ones who have the… connection. Let’s face it, we wouldn’t have gotten half the discounts that we did over the years if it wasn’t for you.”

“So… What do you think I should do about it?”

Arkady laughed. “The hell if I know! Shit, Sana, you remember who you’re talking to, right? Arkady ‘one night and run’ Patel? I have no idea how Violet and I are even still together.”

Sana laughed as well, and felt the knot that had settled in her chest after she’d walked in on Arkady and Violet finally begin to ease. She’s still your best friend, she thought. She’s still Arkady. She hasn’t left you.

“Don’t do yourself down,” she told Arkady. “You and Violet are great together. I know you guys will make it work.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence,” said Arkady drily, and Sana knew that this was her way of deflecting the conversation away from a route she wasn’t yet ready to go down. “But, back to you and Campbell.”

Sana sighed. “It’s probably a moot point, anyway. Even if he was, well, flirting with me… I’ve probably messed it all up. Nothing kills a potential romance like accusing the other person of collaborating with the IGR.”

“So, uh,” Arkady shifted uncomfortably, which Sana knew was a sign of her gearing herself up to tackle Feelings. “Is this a potential… romance? Or… was it?”

“Maybe?” Sana admitted, shrugging. She could feel herself blushing slightly. “I mean, it’s Campbell. You joking about us settling down always seemed like… a joke. But he’s – funny, and sweet, and the world’s most devoted uncle. And he’s never let us down. I didn’t think he’d sold us out because I didn’t trust him, I thought it because I know what horrors the IGR is capable of.”

“I thought it because human beings are assholes,” muttered Arkady. Sana raised an eyebrow at her. “Okay, not the point, I know. Look-” She shifted uncomfortably again, like she was sitting on hot nails, with a pained grimace to match. “If things go… well… with Campbell, and he doesn’t hate you – which I bet you now that he won’t, because it’s you – then you can decide what to do from there. Maybe try just… asking him out to dinner?”

“Ah, romantic tandem eating,” Sana joked. “What could go wrong?”

“Hey, at least Campbell’s not a Dwarnian,” said Arkady in amusement. “He’s not gonna go inviting the rest of the crew.”

“God, it’s a miracle those two ever got it together,” Sana said fondly, enjoying the temporary change of subject. “You might think you’re bad at giving love advice, but I guarantee that you’re better at it than Krejjh.”

She expected Arkady to laugh, but instead she looked thoughtful. “I think you’d be surprised, actually,” she said, but refused to elaborate, no matter how much Sana needled her.

True to his word, Campbell was there waiting for them when the Rumor touched down on Telemachus. Sana’s conversation with him on the approach had been brief, but friendly, which gave her hope. Now that she was listening for it, she thought that he sounded warmer when talking to her, compared to the way that he addressed the rest of the crew. But maybe she was reading too much into things.

He was standing a safe distance away from the landing point, one hand in his pocket. As the hatch popped open and began to lower, he raised one hand in a cheerful wave, grinning broadly.

“Well, he doesn’t look mad,” Arkady muttered to Sana. “Unless he’s planning to kill us with kindness. Also, is it just me, or is he kinda dressed up?”

Sana had been thinking the same. Campbell was wearing what looked like a black leather jacket, and a pair of dark jeans that appeared brand new – a far cry from his usual worn overcoat and patched cargo pants. He was wearing the same heavy, steel-toed work boots as ever, but she could have sworn that he’d cleaned them up a bit.

They weren’t the only ones who’d noticed. “Campbell’s looking sharp,” Brian commented cheerfully from behind her. Sana glanced over her shoulder to find him smiling expectantly at her.

“Uh, yeah, I guess he is,” she said. Krejjh looked between the two of them, obviously trying to grasp the unspoken subtext of their exchange. As Sana descended the ramp, she heard them whisper with a characteristic lack of subtlety,

“Oh! Is this a human courtship ritual?”

“Maybe, dude,” said Brian, and Sana fought off the urge to cover her face with her hand. Instead, she called out, “Hey, Campbell.”

“Sana,” he said as she came closer, and there was definitely a warmth in his voice and in his eyes that hadn’t always been there. “It’s good to see you. How was your trip? Did you have any problems at the checkpoint?”

Sana shook her head. “The credentials that you sent ahead for us worked like a charm, thanks. We probably shouldn’t hang about here for too long, but as of right now, the IGR isn’t actively on our tail.”

“Well, thank heaven for small mercies, then,” said Campbell drily. “Follow me, and we’ll get- uh, is the rest of the crew staying on the ship?”

Sana looked behind her and saw that the rest of the crew was still clustered at the top of the ramp, watching them. Krejjh was grinning madly.

“Oh, for the love of God,” Sana muttered. Obviously, someone had come up with the bright idea to give them some ‘alone time’, and they were all being fantastically unsubtle about it. “No, they’re coming,” she told Campbell, shooting Arkady a look that said Get over here, or else.

Arkady sauntered down the ramp, closely followed by Violet and Krejjh, with Brian bringing up the rear, his arms piled high with the boxes of chocolates that they’d picked up on Nereid. “Hey, Campbell. How’s it been going?”

“Pretty uneventful, apart from aiding and abetting the odd fugitive here and there,” Campbell said with a wry smile. “How about you?”

“The same. Totally uneventful,” Arkady deadpanned.

“This trip is the most exciting thing that’s happened to us all year,” Brian put in, brightly.

“Well, I can’t tell you how honoured I am,” joked Campbell, as Krejjh snickered. Campbell’s gaze landed on Violet. “And you must be the new recruit.”

“Violet Liu. It’s nice to finally meet you, Mr. Campbell,” said Violet politely, shaking Campbell’s hand.

“Likewise. I’d tell you to call me Ignatius, but even Sana refuses to, and I’ve known her for six years,” said Campbell ruefully. “Still, just ‘Campbell’ is fine. Anyway, as you said, Sana, we should probably keep moving – if you’ll all follow me, I’m parked nearby. It’s a five-seater, so we might have to get creative with the seating arrangements.”

“I can sit on Krejjh’s lap,” Brian offered, and Sana thought she caught a brief look of disappointment on Arkady’s face. She smirked.

Everything seemed completely normal between the six of them that evening, from the ride in Campbell’s car to going out for dinner and drinks. Campbell had a knack for picking the most unlikely hole-in-the-wall eateries that looked terrible but served almost unfairly delicious food, a different one each time.

Sana mostly sat back and observed as the others chattered and dug in, watching Campbell’s eyes crinkle as he drew Violet into conversation, watching as he pulled a bottle of hot sauce out almost unseen and passed it to Krejjh, who crowed and immediately began to empty it over everything. She watched Arkady teasing Brian over his bizarre food combinations, goading him into trying a strange-looking tropical fish that sat in the middle of the table.

At one point, she caught Krejjh looking at her enquiringly with one of their pairs of eyes, the other pair fixed on Violet as she attempted to – slightly tipsily – explain some complex biological concept. She smiled to let them know that she was fine, and quickly reapplied herself to her food.

She had a tendency to forget how astute Krejjh really was, and how much they tended to play up the ‘dumb alien who doesn’t understand human social conventions’ for effect. Maybe Arkady was onto something.

The truth was, she was enjoying just seeing her crew get the chance to take a breather. They hadn’t really stopped since their flight from the IGR, not daring to stay put for long on any one planet or moon – even once they were fairly sure that the Regime had given up pursuing them, too busy trying to contain the unfolding situation on New Jupiter.

They’d never been able to feel safe anywhere. Until now.

Thinking this, she looked up at Campbell, only to find him already watching her with a smile on his face.

When it came time to buy the next round of drinks, Sana volunteered, making her way to the bar and attempting to get the bartender’s attention. After she’d finally succeeded in making their order, she leaned on the bar – and jumped as Campbell came up next to her.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to catch you off-guard,” he said apologetically. “I called your name, but the patrons of this place’re… not the quietest.”

Sana laughed a little. “It’s fine. Guess I’m still a little on edge.”

She smiled up at him, and there was a pause. Again.

“I, uh, I thought you might want a hand carrying those drinks,” Campbell said.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” said Sana. The bartender was beginning to line the drinks up on the bar for her, still filling the enormously tall glass belonging to Krejjh, because Dwarnians processed human alcohol in very different ways (and quantities). If Sana wanted to speak to Campbell in private, now was the time.

“Listen, I-” she began at the same time as Campbell said, “I was wondering-”

“Oh, uh, you go first.”

“No, please.”

Okay then. Sana gathered her courage – ridiculous, that this should feel more intimidating than facing down the Fowleys - and asked, “Will you go to dinner with me tomorrow night?”

Campbell looked momentarily surprised, then chuckled. “And here I was about to ask you how long you’re planning to dock on Telemachus, as a roundabout way of working up to the same question,” he said. “Yes. I’d love to have dinner with you, Sana.”

Sana let Campbell be the one to choose the restaurant, conceding to his more up-to-date knowledge of Telemachus and his excellent taste in eateries. The following night, sat across from Campbell in a cozy little restaurant with her mouth full of the best beef rendang she’d ever eaten, she knew she’d made the right choice.

“Campbell, this is incredible,” she enthused, not even caring that her mouth was full. Campbell laughed, digging into his own bakmi goreng.

“How do you always know such good places to eat?” Sana demanded. Campbell shrugged.

“I didn’t get where I am without knowing how to make connections, and you’d be amazed at how much more open people are to doing business after a plate of really good food,” he said. “But I’m also not gonna pay through the nose for them to get blinded on moonshine and puke it all up later that night.” Sana almost choked on her mouthful as she started to laugh. “So, I look for establishments that don’t charge too much. And mind their own business.”

“So, you’re picking up the tab for tonight, then?” Sana asked playfully.

“I figured we could haggle,” Campbell replied, deadpan, and Sana laughed again.

She’d been worried about a dinner with just the two of them becoming stilted and formal, but so far it had been anything but. Determined to avoid the clichéd “outfit crisis”, she had dressed more or less the same as she did on the ship, minus her trusty wide, yellow tool belt with its hundreds of pockets, and a few engine oil stains. She missed its reassuring weight around her hips, though she was wearing a wide black belt to make up for it, with a vest and her signature knee-high boots (or as Arkady called them, her “space pirate boots”) over a loose green blouse and neopolyfibre jeans.

Arkady had performed an exaggerated double-take when she saw Sana. “Wow, Sana, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without a wrench in your pocket before,” she said with mock surprise.

“That’s not true,” said Sana lightly. “Remember when we infiltrated that ball held by Commander Grandwin on Qilin?”

“No,” said Arkady deliberately. “I don’t remember. I’ve repressed it. That corset was hideous.”

“You looked good in it.”

“I couldn’t move in it! And I had nowhere to put my weapons. I had to strap a gun to my garter.”

Violet, who had been listening in on their conversation while brewing a pot of coffee, suddenly looked very interested. “Sorry, you strapped a gun to your what?” she asked in amusement.

“Uhhh…” Arkady froze, torn between playing to her girlfriend’s clear interest and denying any recollection of the incident in question. Sana winked at Violet.

“Tell you what, after we set off from Telemachus I’ll find us a nice formal ball to go to, and Kady can give you a real-life demonstration.”

“You’re dead to me,” Arkady hissed at her. Sana waved cheerfully at her and left the kitchen.

When Campbell had seen her, the first thing he’d said was, “Is it clichéd if I say you look nice?”

Sana grinned. “A little, but sometimes clichés are good.”

She’d been expecting at least a few minutes of awkward small talk at first, but no sooner had they sat down at their rickety little table than Campbell said,

“So, you’ve met my buddy Red Gregor – was he favouring his left leg, by any chance, when you saw him?”

“Uhh…” Sana tried to cast her mind back. Most of what had happened on Elion was a blur of her breaking the speed limit while Arkady tried to coach Violet through the Carmen Gambit, but she remembered Red Gregor after a bit: a thin-faced man who looked to be half-Chinese, half-Latino, and spoke with a strong Irish twang. He had, in fact, walked with a slight limp.

“Sure, I think he said it was prosthetic?”

“It is,” Campbell confirmed. “But what’s really funny is how he got it…”

After Elion, though, it didn’t take them long to get onto the topic of the “leak” aboard the Rumor. Campbell said, “Listen, I swear I’m not bringing this up because I’m angry with you, because I’m not-”

Sana tensed, and put down her fork. “Honestly, Campbell, you have every right to be,” she said. “I… I should have trusted you more. It wasn’t that I didn’t – it was that I was afraid of what the IGR might do to get their way. If it hadn’t been for my crew, I could’ve-”

Campbell held up a hand and shook his head. “If I didn’t know by now that you’d do anything to protect your crew, I’d be a damn fool,” he said. “I got that. And maybe if I’d been more level-headed… I could’ve helped you guys in some way. I know; you said it wasn’t safe. But I’ve had some time to think about this, and it bothered me, thinking that maybe I could have done more.

“What you said, about the people I care about – my nephews – and what I’d be willing to do to protect them… You were right. I really don’t like to think about what I’d be willing to do.” Campbell’s voice wavered slightly, and he cleared his throat. “But I also know that they’re not the only ones I’d… do almost anything to keep safe.”

Sana looked at him uncertainly. Campbell shook his head.

“That came out – that wasn’t what I meant to say. Look, I know I sounded angry on our call, and I know you’ve convinced yourself it’s because you all ‘screwed me over’ and did me out of what I was owed, and that I’m somehow keeping score.” Campbell said all this not angrily, but with a quiet intensity that nevertheless made Sana a little nervous.

“But that’s not it. If I was angry, it was because this is what the IGR always does – it sows fear, paranoia, and distrust. Even among people like us. And I was angry because… because you were light years away from me, in some kind of trouble, and there wasn’t a damn thing that I could do to help you.”

But I also know that they’re not the only ones I’d… do almost anything to keep safe. Campbell’s words suddenly made sense to Sana, and her mouth opened in surprise. Before she could say anything, Campbell said,

“I know you don’t think of yourself as someone who needs help or protection. And I’d never try to force it on you, but... You should know that it’s not always about favours and deals, owing someone or being owed. Sometimes, it’s just about people caring about you.”

Sana’s throat closed up, and she looked down at her mostly-finished bowl of food. The truth was that he was right; before a few weeks ago, she would have baulked at the idea of needing protection from anyone. She let Arkady watch her back, but that was different. She looked out for Arkady as much as Arkady looked out for her, even if Arkady didn’t realise it. Not all kinds of protection involved putting yourself between someone else and a bullet.

She’d always prided herself on being tough and self-sufficient. She’d built her reputation up from nothing; she had to be. She hated to be in anyone’s debt, because in her experience, you never knew when and how they might choose to collect. As a woman – above all, a brown woman – trying to make her way in a cutthroat world, she had to be that much more invincible.

But she thought about the way that Arkady had shoved her shoulder into Sana’s on the Gay Louisa to get her out of range of one of the security bots. She thought of the way, on New Jupiter, that Violet’s mouth had pressed into a line and she’d pressed Sana down into a chair with surprising strength and held her there while she treated her injury. She thought about seeing Brian wielding a gun for the first time, his face intent, and of Krejjh gunning the ship into overdrive to get all of them to safety.

Maybe she was learning that it was okay to let her friends look after her too.

“I’ve overstepped – I’m sorry,” said Campbell in a rush, and Sana looked up at him, coming back to herself. “I shouldn’t have-”

“No, you haven’t overstepped,” said Sana quietly, and he stopped. “I… think you’re right. And…” Campbell waited as she gathered her thoughts.

“And I think I understand what you were trying to tell me before,” she finished. “About not keeping score. It’s hard for me to make an exception to those rules, but… I can try.” She gave Campbell a half-smile. “I’m not used to being on the receiving end. Of having other people try to protect me. But maybe I’m beginning to get that it’s a two-way street.”

“I’m more than willing to help show you,” said Campbell, with such quiet sincerity that Sana felt herself blushing.

“Thanks.”

Sensing the need to lighten the tone a little, Campbell said jokingly, “Of course, don’t think this gets ya out of bartering the next time you have cargo to offload.”

“Why would I miss out on the chance to take advantage of your atrocious negotiating skills?” Sana returned easily. Campbell snorted in spite of himself, and then pretended to clutch at his chest as if mortally wounded.

“You’ve cut me to the quick, Captain Tripathi.”

“You were right about something else, too,” Sana said, remembering. “Not that any of us would have guessed, in a million years…”

At Campbell’s look of confusion, she explained: “On our call, you said – something like, ‘You’re flying through space. We’re light years apart, and we’re talking. Someone from three hundred years ago wouldn’t be able to comprehend it.’ You were talking about other possible explanations for our leak, and as it turned out, that was it. That was the explanation.”

Campbell raised an eyebrow. “I’m going to need something much stronger for this story, aren’t I?” he asked, gesturing to his glass of wine.

“Significantly,” Sana agreed.

They got through several glasses of a strong local spirit (it had nothing on engine-room moonshine, but was strong enough for Sana to feel its effects) as Sana told the whole story: about the swarm, Emily and Alvy’s discoveries, Thasia and the Other Violet, the way they’d pieced everything together, Violet’s Plan B, and their final confrontation and flight from the IGR. She spoke in low tones, their conversation easily drowned out by the loud chatter of the other patrons.

Campbell listened spellbound, occasionally swearing quietly (or not-so-quietly) in response to a development in the tale. He had always been a good audience – normally she and Arkady would take it in turns to tell stories about their exploits, Arkady mostly contributing sarcastic commentary at first until the moonshine loosened her up enough that she would take over narrating, Krejjh chiming in at appropriate – or inappropriate – moments with an exclamation or an oddly specific detail.

It felt strange to be telling it on her own, but enjoyable, too. When she described Violet grabbing Arkady and kissing her as they fled New Jupiter, Campbell stared at her in disbelief for several seconds and then wheezed with laughter.

“So Arkady finally found someone who can give as good as she gets?” he asked, shaking his head. “I thought I sensed… something last night, but I wasn’t sure if I was reading too much into things.”

“It can be hard to tell, with Arkady,” Sana agreed. “But honestly, I think the less she talks about it, the more it… matters.”

Eventually, the conversation reached a natural lull, and Sana realised it was almost midnight: they’d been out for almost four hours.

“Campbell…” she began, and then stopped.

“I know, it’s late,” said Campbell, recognising the double-tap on her comm that told her the time. “I guess we should call it a night.”

“Would you like to come back to the ship?” Sana asked him, feeling almost shy. It wasn’t uncommon for Campbell to walk with them back to the Rumor after a night of drinking, usually helping Brian to support Krejjh’s weight while they sang Dwarnian battle hymns with the words in the wrong order. (Or so Brian told her, anyway). But this was a little different. “Or, if you’d rather head home, we can-”

“I don’t have anywhere to be,” said Campbell with a smile. “Lead the way.”

Neither of them said anything much as they walked back to where the Rumor was docked, ducking down various side streets and doubling back on themselves just in case they were being tailed. Sana didn’t sense any immediate danger, but it would just be sloppy not to. She kept her hand within easy reach of the micro-blaster tucked just inside her vest.

The ship was dark when they approached, but Sana doubted that any of the crew was asleep just yet. She used her radio key to unlock the door, and the ramp quietly lowered down to the ground.

The lights on the Rumor were motion-activated, and Sana had always liked the way they gradually turned on when she came back to the ship at night, like they were welcoming her back. In the days when she’d been a crew of one, it had been a comfort.

Sana expected they’d find the crew gathered together in the mess hall, but as she and Campbell walked through the ship’s corridors, there was no sign of anyone. Sana was slightly suspicious – it wasn’t like any of them to go to bed this early. Surely none of them could have known that she’d bring Campbell back to the ship?

“So… When do you think was the last time you actually came on board?” she asked Campbell, to break the silence.

Campbell hummed thoughtfully. “It’s been a good three years. I see you’ve made some upgrades here and there.”

“Yeah, and we even got a new coffee maker, finally,” Sana said drily.

“Oh God, I remember that ancient old thing you used to have. Didn’t Arkady salvage it from a skip on Astraeus?”

“Something like that.” They paused outside the kitchen. “Would you… like a cup?” Sana asked.

Campbell raised one eyebrow and gave her a roguish smile. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that was an invitation, Captain,” he said.

“Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves, Campbell,” Sana said, turning away so that Campbell wouldn’t see her blush, and leading the way into the kitchen.

“Call me Ignatius,” Campbell said, unexpectedly.

Sana paused in the middle of stretching up to reach the only two (thankfully) clean cups left in the cupboard. It seemed like a small thing, but names carried a lot of meaning, a lot of weight. She’d thought long and hard about the name Sana Tripathi when she’d chosen it, after the uprising. It had represented a new start, new possibilities.

She knew that Campbell, like everyone else in their line of work, had other names that he often went by. But he’d only ever been Campbell to her.

“All right… Ignatius,” she said, trying it out. Campbell smiled at her, warm and fond.

They carried their cups of coffee into the mess hall, and Campbell raised his eyes as he caught sight of the hammock strung up on one side of the room.

“That’s also new. Are those… safety harnesses?”

“Admittedly, not my finest piece of engineering,” Sana admitted. “It was meant to be for morale.”

“Does anyone actually use it?”

Sana felt her face warm again as she considered how best to answer that question. “From time to time.”

“Can I try it out?” Campbell asked playfully.

“Sure, it should hold your weight.”

Campbell set his coffee cup down on the ground by the hammock and cautiously sat down on it, and when it didn’t give way under his weight, swung his legs up and lay down fully.

“This is actually pretty comfortable,” he said in a tone of slight surprise. “The holes are a little unnerving, but it’s a solid hammock.”

“Thanks. I really should take it apart and put the safety harnesses back, but I think the crew like it.”

“I would say ‘Who needs safety harnesses?’, but I know how Krejjh flies,” joked Campbell. “Can it hold two people?”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that was an invitation,” said Sana. She smirked at Campbell, and then added, “Ignatius.”

Campbell’s eyes darkened, and he sat up and reached out a hand. Sana took it, and allowed Campbell to pull her down until – with a little manoeuvring – she was lying next to him on the hammock.

Their bodies were pressed flush against each other, and Sana was sure that Campbell could feel her heart pounding against his chest. Campbell reached up and gently smoothed a piece of stray hair away from her face.

“Is this okay?” he asked in a low rumble. “Are we moving too fast?”

“This is just fine,” Sana replied, and kissed him.

Campbell’s hand came up to gently cup the back of her head as he kissed her back, sending an almost electric thrill through her. Sana extricated her hand from between them and laid it against Campbell’s cheek, kissing him more intently now, inhaling faint notes of aftershave and cologne.

By the time they broke apart, the hammock was swaying gently. Sana smiled at Campbell, feeling a little punch drunk.

“This honestly feels like it’s been… a long time coming,” she said.

“I think it has,” Campbell agreed. “Do you, uh… Should we relocate to somewhere less public?” At such close quarters, Sana could see him blushing slightly.

She thought about it, and the not insignificant chance that one of the crew – who most definitely were not asleep – could walk in on them at any moment.

“Let’s stay here for a little while longer,” she said. “I think it’s only fair that I get to have a turn.”