#and that it's not an incoherent mess

[scintie]

a spark of black

Pairing: Gambit/Remy LeBeau x female reader. Summary: Ever since you appeared at the resistance hideout along with Wade and Logan, tension between you and a certain Cajun card slinger has been steadily growing. One fateful night you finally get the chance to relieve some of it. Tags: smut (male receiving), blowjob, mild dominant undertones. Notes: be gentle, this is the first piece of writing that I've uploaded in yeeeeears. :')

You watched Remy’s mouth move, his lips forming words that you just couldn’t decipher. He was obviously speaking to you, it was just the two of you sat in the main room of the hideout.

Earlier in the evening everyone had been gathered, sharing stories and drinks. The others had all turned in for the night an hour or so ago, leaving you and the Cajun to continue on without them. Wade had made his exit by saying something predictably crude about not being too loud while fucking each others brains out. Remy had waved him off while you did nothing but blush.

The past hour had been torture. Listening to Remy's smooth, deep voice talk about their recent escapades in the Void had driven you crazy with desire. You'd developed a stupid crush on him as soon as you'd arrived. Who wouldn't though right? With his tall, broad stature and handsome face, he'd be hard for anyone to resist. But as the days had passed things went from bad to worse and your stupid crush deepened into a genuine desire.

That's why the blood was thumping so loud in your ears that you couldn’t understand him.

“Wh-what? Sorry, I er, I didn’t quite catch that.” You stammered, feeling your cheeks grow hotter by the second. You dreaded to think how flustered you looked to him right now. Like a deer in the headlights of a truck. A big, sexy truck wearing a brown leather coat.

“Oh, tu es mignon,” Remy chuckled under his breath. He rose from his chair and stepped a little closer, as if the distance between the two of you was the issue. “Remy see da way you been lookin’ at him cher, when ya' think he no be noticin’, ah?”

You were speechless. You didn't know how to react to his bluntness. How were you supposed to react to that?

Remy smirked and closed the gap between you completely and leaned over you, placing his hands on the back of your chair, one either side of your head. He was so close, you could barely breathe.

"You wan' me? All a pretty lil' thing like you would hav' to do is ask, ma douce." He kept his voice low, not wanting to alert the others.

Your mind raced, thoughts bouncing around for what felt like an eternity before at last, you nodded your head. You didn't even realise you were doing it but you weren't about to argue against it either.

"Atta girl, une si bonne fille." Remy praised, standing up straight. His hands went to the fastenings of his pants, all the while maintaining eye contact with you. "Ya trust Remy, don'cha cher?" He asked, slowly pushing his pants and underwear down off of his hips.

Your gaze left his then, moving down his otherwise fully clothed body until you were greeted with the sight of his half hard cock slipping from it's confines. Your eyes went wide. He was certainly much bigger than anyone you'd ever been with before.

You realised Remy was still watching you, slowly stroking himself now, waiting for an answer. You didn't know where to look, it was hard to tear your eyes away from the sight of his cock swelling to it's full, impressive size.

Finally, you found your words, "Y-yeah, I trust you."

"Perfect." Remy smirked and took up his position right in front of you, his hands on the back of the chair again. You gulped, head swimming with anticipation. "Then open up dat pretty mouth for me."

You drew in a long breath before slowly parting your lips, wider and wider until he nodded his approval. Remy seemed to realise that he had forgotten something, taking your hands from your lap and guiding them to his bare thighs. "Da's for yer own peace of mind, don' wan' you thinkin' you gon' fall."

You braced your hands on his muscular legs and soon realised why as he pulled on the back of your chair, slowly tilting you forward. The movement causing your mouth to lower onto his cock. It was definitely a different experience to anything you were used to, he had almost complete control over your movement.

Remy moaned quietly, taking in the tantalisingly debauched sight of your luscious lips wrapped around him. He took in every detail and sensation, observing you as if you were creating a beautiful piece of artwork right in front of him.

You looked up at him with hooded eyes, slowly working your tongue around him with what little space you had left to use.

Remy moaned again, deeper this time before just as slowly tipping the chair back down, his cock sliding almost all of the way out of your mouth.

"Y'okay, cher?" He asked, his chest rising and falling quickly. You could tell he was holding himself back a little, but he needed to make sure you were still on board with this.

You nodded slowly, running your hands slowly up and down his thighs, squeezing the muscles lying taught beneath his smooth skin.

Remy nodded back and steadied his stance. He moved the chair forward and backward again in quicker succession this time, watching your face for any sign of discomfort. He relaxed when all he saw was lust and wanton desire on your features.

You kept your hands braced on his legs, giving yourself a firm and steady anchor point to rely on. You moaned around his dick as he moved you again, a little deeper this time but still manageable.

He gradually built up a good rhythm. Not fast enough to be overwhelming for you but definitely enough to have him moaning freely, loving the soft warmth of your mouth as he moved you back and forth.

"Dat hot lil' mouth feelin' so good on me, cher." He whispered huskily, just loud enough for you to hear. You still had to be quiet, you couldn't imagine how mortifying it would be if one of the others walked in on you two right now.

Remy's words of encouragement shot a tingle through your body that ended up right between your legs. You pressed your thighs together hard and whimpered, tears prickling your eyes as your arousal started to get the better of you.

Remy noticed the change in your demeanour and slowly lowered the chair completely back down to the floor, his cock slipping free from your mouth for the first time since he'd started. A mixture of saliva and precum followed after him, coating your lips and chin.

You loved how completely blissed out you were feeling, high on the endorphins and serotonin surging through your body. Without really thinking about it you slid from the chair and onto your knees between Remy's feet. You were going on instinct, being driven by the almighty lust that you felt for this man.

"Y'kay down dere, angel?" Remy enquired, cocking an eyebrow and sliding a reassuring hand onto your shoulder as he watched you with intrigue.

You nodded slowly, grazing your teeth over your bottom lip. "Uhuh, just wanna make you come that's all..." Your words came out so soft and breathy that it was his turn to barely hear you, but he soon got the idea when you reached up and started to stroke him back to full hardness.

He moaned just a little louder than he'd liked to, caught a little off guard by the sudden sensation of your soft hands. "Well cher, Remy ain't gon' be arguin' widdat." He chuckled when he'd regained composure, jutting his hips forward for you. As soon as he was rigid again you wasted no time in taking his cock back into your mouth. You set a relatively fast pace, bobbing your head quickly, taking as much as would while working him with your tongue. Your hands went to his hips, pulling him forward and back gently in time with your bobbing. "Merde..." He hissed, looking down at you as he snaked his hand into the hair at the back of your head. "Jus' like dat, belle. Remy be comin' in no time if you be doin' dat..."

Spurred on by his words you forced yourself to take him just a little deeper, feeling him throb against your tongue in response, followed by the salty taste of precum.

You moaned softly as Remy's fingers tightened in your hair, gripping the strands at the very root. His hips stuttered a little, a tell tale sign that he getting close.

One of your hands left his hip and made it's way between his legs to massage his balls, lifting them with your palm and rolling them in their sack slowly.

The sound that came out of the Cajun's mouth was like music to your ears. Along guttural moan peppered with some indistinguishable French curse words. Apparently he didn't seem to care if anyone heard anymore.

A couple more minutes went by of you greedily sucking him and playing with his balls before Remy suddenly pulled back, his cock popping from your mouth wetly.

He wrapped his hand around his dick as he quickly guided you to sit back in the discarded chair from earlier. You complied, scrabbling up onto the wooden seat.

Remy stood over you, straddling your legs a she began jerking himself off quickly. "M' gonna come all over dat pretty face, cher... ya' ready?"

You nodded, heat rushing to your cheeks in anticipation. His hand made it's way to the back of your head again, holding you in place as he chased his orgasm.

The visual of such a devastatingly gorgeous man masturbating over you was intoxicating, it made your head spin just watching him. An odd swell of pride hit you as you noticed your saliva still coating his cock as he stroked himself, sliding his length between the makeshift sheath of his palm and thick fingers.

"Beg me, cher. Beg Remy for his cum." He panted.

You could tell he was right there, right on the precipice, he just needed to hear you.

"Please Remy, fuck... please cum all over me..." You whined, your breathing almost as shallow as his by now.

That did the trick. Almost as soon as the last words left passed your lips Remy let out a long, loud moan as his cock started to twitch. He pulled you closer just as thick, white ropes of cum started to shoot from his slit.

You opened your mouth just in time as you felt some of the hot, salty fluid paint your tongue. The rest splashed across your face in haphazard directions, marking you as his. Remy's fist slowed and his breathing steadied as the pleasure subsided. It was at that moment that you locked eyes with him. It was then that he fully saw the mess he'd made of you. The sight of you covered in his seed seemed to stun him for a small moment before his trademark cockiness returned.

"Lookin' good dere, beautiful. Dat look really suit you, ah?" He quipped, winking as he turned to find a washcloth.

You took it from him with a shy smile, your hormone fuelled confidence ebbing away slightly in the aftermath. But you smiled to yourself as you wiped your face clean because you had a feeling that he was right. It did suit you.

[cosmickoshi]

Hi yes I'm still thinking about these two pages and about how Nakajima Atsushi really is the protagonist of all time.

Nothing could ever justify the orphanage director's treatment of Atsushi. Nothing could ever justify the pain and abuse Atsushi faced at the director's hand. But it is undeniable that the director has played a significant part in shaping who Atsushi is presently and has also aided him in times of need. It ties into BSD's recurring theme of how your past does not define you, but you also cannot flee from those memories because they have fundamentally influenced so many facets of your life — and acknowledging said memories is the first step to healing from them.

The director has been haunting Atsushi all this time and Atsushi so desperately wants to purge his voice from his mind, but he's also never lived a life where the director's presence doesn't plague him. What would he do once the person whose actions have shaped who he is today is finally gone? The director died and Atsushi cried because people tend to cry when their fathers die and now Atsushi is verbalising all of his loathing for his abuser in a way he couldn't for so long and yet he’s horrified by the prospect of being rid of his influence.

And the way Atsushi’s eyes are concealed from the reader until the director tells him that he’ll be gone “as early as today, even”, and there’s so little light in Atsushi's eyes when they’re finally revealed to us. The way they reflect these conflicting emotions within Atsushi surrounding the director's declaration — he'll finally be free of the very person responsible for so much of his pain and trauma, and yet that person has been such a significant part of his life that a world in which his abuser won't haunt him is unfamiliar and terrifying to him.

And I just. God. I can’t.

[takemeinyrarmy]

"hey OP what the fuck does this mean?" and it will always be under the most coherent easy to understand correctly worded post you have ever made

[totally-sapphic-posts]

I’m just a girl, beautiful women make my brain malfunction

[cirusboys]

going insane. "we don't belong there anymore" they don't belong there anymore! there's a post by @nataliesscatorccio that calls the show an unabashed expression of the "singular, violent, inescapable wilderness of girlhood". and who are they now that they have to give it up? their innocence is long gone, but they're still technically teens. and so returning home also means entering into adulthood, it means repression, it means a 9-5 while the deepest parts of themselves they allowed out in the wilderness stays dormant, it means ultimately: a boring, normal life. the 3 who stay are pivotal: lottie will be forced back to being medicated but also unspecial and unheard. tai will have to give up van and with this live with other tai alone, two separate selves that she will have to keep hidden because she doesn't have anybody who would understand. and shauna? lottie asks nat what does she have to go back to but god what does shauna? jackie is dead, her life is dead. so much cause of her rage this season comes from her baby's death but he never existed outside the wilderness. who she is has become so intertwined now, it isn't just jackie that doesn't know where she began and ended with, now it's the wilderness and this self that she is exposed with: dark, twisted and violent. when lottie says that they don't belong anymore, shauna doesn't stand stagnated, she stands fixed. it happens so that she never moves. her lines to melissa stand out, "you aren't you", "you don't get to have a normal life" but particularly, "this isn't normal"; normal life isn't normal? tai's question is so substantial. why haven't they thought about how they're going to have to return with the things they've done? in this, how are they going to return without themselves? so, begging another question, what do you do when you have to give up freedom? when you've become unravelled, having allowed yourself to be/do what society would never allow you to? each character has gotten a moment where they've been made to feel special and revered, with their selves laid completely open for the rest to bare witness to. how do you close yourself back up? how do you deal with the fact that real life doesn't care? that too, the trauma you've faced will never be understood? who are you when you're denied your self expression?

[lyrebright]

clair obscur: expedition 33 is haunted

It's a narrative drenched in grief from start to credits roll. Really, it's no surprise that this game has ghosts in it. Not literal ghosts, of course.

Well--

Much like family, that's complicated, I suppose

We open the game on the gommage. We open the game spending maybe thirty minutes to an hour getting to know how deeply Lumiere is grieving; how they have grieved for the past 67 years; how they will, like as not, continue to grieve more. Lumiere is, much like the game itself, a city made more of ghosts than those that still live in it.

It's very deliberate that we start the game with Gustave. There's a lot of reasons we do this, but--one is clear from the very start. We are starting this game as a man who loves a ghost. Because Sophie is already dead. The flowers that ring the necks of those who are about to gommage are mourning garlands laid on graves that still live and breathe.

For now.

The gommage, the prologue entire--it's masterful at getting you emotionally connected to Gustave. To understanding the stakes of what they are fighting for.

And then Act I happens.

From hour one, the game works to establish how haunted Gustave, personally, is. The love of his life turns to dust in his arms, and the only reassurance he can offer her is that he's there with her. That she won't be alone as it happens. And then he reaches the continent, and death is all that surrounds him. He watches his comrades die, one after the other. And when he makes his way back to look for survivors, he instead finds an altar of corpses he willingly goes to lay himself upon. The ghosts are calling out to him, weighing down on him, and if Lune hadn't arrived when she did--if she hadn't called out to him before he pulled that trigger--Gustave would have joined their ranks.

(Put a pin in this knowledge. We will come back to it later.)

Lune and Sciel are, of course, haunted in their own ways--Sciel's ghosts are horribly painful and depressing to think about--but the game is invested in Gustave's ghosts, because his ghosts are about to become Maelle's. And he's going to join them, be one of them.

Beyond the Dessendre family's grief, beyond and above all of that--Gustave is undoubtedly the ghost that haunts the narrative the most. It's in a lot of subtle ways, outside of that first wrench of grief and the scene where they lay him to rest. His name and inspiration in Maelle's skills. His name invoked in battle. The fact that in camp scenes he is consistently brought up. In a way, he's even with the party throughout the final battle--he was the one who noticed that the chroma was lingering in the bodies of expeditioners slain by nevrons; without Gustave, there is no sword of Lumiere to clear the path to Renoir. The game shows, over and over again, that while Gustave is dead, he is not gone.

And it's in light of this, and finishing the game, that you realise...Gustave is sort of just Verso?

Rewatching Act I, the first moment this understanding hit me--with a depth beyond just thinking of them as foils of "Maelle's brother"--was when he pulled out that gun. Faced with such terrible loss, faced with such terrible loneliness, Gustave makes the same decision Verso would, a hundred times over: oblivion. And it's very deliberate, and a very stark note about Gustave's character, because it's him alone of the expedition survivors with this reaction. Verso might have been the one to spirit Maelle away from the slaughter, but alone in the manor she was firm on staying alive. Lune and Sciel, arguable more cynical than Maelle, also choose to forge ahead. To live, because the oath is WHEN one falls. When, not if.

And it's in those words that the most telling link between Gustave and Verso is made clear, in the silence that echoes from an answer and a truth that Gustave cannot give: does Gustave still believe that Lumiere is more important than any one individual life?

Rewatching that scene with eyes that have seen the end was like a bullet to the head. The characters might not know in that moment. The player might not know. But the writers do, and it's with lines like this that they set up pain in a myriad of subtle ways. From the start, Gustave was a ghost. From the start, Verso was a ghost. They're the same goddamn person.

The scene where Verso reveals he could have saved Gustave, but chose not to--in the moment, it was shocking and not, all at once. His timing had felt suspicious from the start. And as he gave his reasoning, it became clear it was...more of Verso's unintentional self-sabotage you see time and again through his character beats and history.

We know Verso has travelled with multiple expeditions. We know that he genuinely does come to care for them, despite knowing what inevitably waits for them, whether they succeed or fail; it is clear in every inch of him that Verso is a man who cannot help but fall a little bit in love with everyone around him. With those who, unlike him, fight with something he doesn't have (hope).

Verso, time and again, makes choices that are bad and hurt him. And really, if you think about it...his allowing Gustave to die was really one of these. Because of everyone on the expedition...Gustave was the most likely to agree with Verso's point of view?

Because he'd already expressed, unspoken: Maelle's life is more important to him than not just his own, but all of Lumiere. There's a reason they chose that exact framing for the question Lune posits to him way back in the first hours of the game, and it's because that's the exact thing the entire game is about. Which lives matter more?

To Verso, it is, at the end of the day, the real Dessendre family. And while I doubt Gustave would care about "real" or "painted," what he does care about is Maelle, and he would want her to live, not keep living in a world that would kill her.

Would Gustave want to kill the rest of Lumiere for this? No, of course not. He isn't so far gone in his own grief as Verso to write off the entirety of the Canvas. But if he had survived until Act III--if he was one of three remaining lives of Lumiere in the final stand against Renoir...I think he would accept the inevitable. I think he would try and convince Maelle to leave, instead of remaining to repaint the world and dead around them.

Because Gustave is a character defined by his grief in a way almost none of the others are. Lune chafes under her parents legacy but strives for it anyway. Sciel lives like life nor death matter to her and falls for the dream that Maelle can bring her husband back.

But when we see Gustave face down grief, while we see him shut down in the wake of it, we also see him accept it. In that sense, Gustave--despite the Versoisms of him, at his core--is one of the most balanced and well adjusted members of the cast, suicide attempt and all. No wonder they had to kill him.

Maelle calls Gustave "the best father and brother I ever had," and once again--she doesn't know what she's saying in that moment. But the writers do.

Gustave is the Verso and the Renoir who is capable of doing something we see the Dessendre's struggling with time and again: he is the father and brother capable of letting go. And his death really foreshadows both endings: in one, Maelle cannot let go of the Canvas, and in the other, Verso cannot let go of oblivion.

You think in false dichotomies, Lune told Verso once. It's not always an either/or situation.

Because yes, there is a world out there, maybe, where Maelle could have kept the Canvas, where she could have granted Verso his oblivion without the rest of the world going with him. A world where maybe Maelle could find balance in being Alicia, where she could leave the Canvas and return and know that Renoir would not erase it in her absence because he trusts her.

But that world isn't here. It's not the world we get, because at the end of the day this game is about grief and not moving on. It's about repeating the same patterns and cycles and hoping that things end up differently this time.

It's a game about ghosts.

And the kindest thing you can do for a ghost is lay them to rest.

[mysticfemme]

Something about possessive sex just gets me. My butch pushing me face down into the sheets, sliding their fingers or cock into me and fucking me roughly. Grabbing my hair and pulling my head up slightly, their hips pounding into me as they growl "You're mine, understood? You belong to me." Just thinking about it makes me flustered, the thought of my butch claiming me as theirs and leaving marks to show for it is so hot.

[squirting-sub]

Got fucked so good. My eyes were rolling back, mouth open but no sound coming out, with a big plug in my ass. Just completely lost in pleasure as my dom fucks me from behind while I'm face down ass up with my hands and feet secured to a spreader bar. Head empty, no thoughts, just pure ecstasy.

"Look at you. I fucked you dumb."

[beedragony]

I woke up from my nap in a sweat mumbling like a maniac “jerejean, I have to sketch them, I need to draw the vision” after dreaming about them, and then I immediately fell back asleep once the Dream Vision had been sketched

[c0smicdaisy]

i knew this was coming one way or another but it still hurts so much to witness the pain and betrayal in Bison's eyes 😭 Khaotung is way too good of an actor for this 😭 and dear Kant, it's been nice knowing you. I'll go and buy some flowers for your grave I guess 😭

[theefloraknight]

Just realized something else that messes me up about Thor 1. So everyone in Asgard was just…ok with the drastic changes in Thor and Loki? I mean, someone had to question how Thor went from all bloodlust to peace and shit. I feel like Lokis identity crisis leading into a psychotic break kinda makes sense because all of these negative emotions have been building up for like a thousand years and any time he would have mentioned his feelings about being second best or being treated like shit by Thor’s friends would’ve been brushed off as imagined slights. All that culmination is definitely not healthy. On the other hand… Thor becoming worthy in 3 days considering he was enthusiastically bloodthirsty for a thousand doesn’t really make sense. Like, he’s still aggressive on sight in avengers, so did he really learn anything? Also, he spends 3 days with some mortals and all of Earth is suddenly under his protection? I mean, he didn’t even do anything until Loki attacked, but considering Loki was kinda a big threat I can kind of give him a pass(unless someone wants to offer something different). Back to the original point, Thor just decides the Jotun are people now? I don’t think he actually cares, it feels more like a matter of principle. Like, he’s didn’t think it was wrong until knowing Jane for 72 hours. Also, he doesn’t seem to think he himself was wrong when he started. But anyway. How did Frigga not think something was off in 2012? Ma’am, your child went missing for a year, presumed dead, and he suddenly has a whole ARMY? And want to take a world over when he couldn’t give a crap about needless conquering before??

[meggie-moo]

inukag doodle >:)

[egophiliac]

We ARE going to bring up Captain Amelia. You have good taste! GOOD TASTE I SAY! *aka I just rewatched Treasure Planet and got hit with, "Oh yeahhhhh... that explains a lot!"*

honestly, the Meg/Jasmine/Amelia trifecta tells you 90% about me as a person. (the rest is covered by Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Uranus and, uhhh, I'll stop baring my soul to the world now)

and speaking of Amelia, this is tangential, but like -- there's one Twst comic I have been kicking at for a while where I needed an RSA sports/flight teacher and, uh, well

someday I will wrangle this stupid comic into coherency and she'll get to make an appearance (in the background of a single panel, half-obscured by a tall hat) (but I will know she's there and that's the important thing)

[mrinafria]

The person who saved my life, and the person who made me want to live again, were all you.

Writing this to echo what @thedeathdeelers said in her post. I'm a Seon Jae softie through and through, and yet, when anyone questions Im Sol's choices or calls her names, I want to flip a table pretty much because have you seen the effects her choices have had on people?

Because of Im Sol's choices her mom doesn't have a burn injury on her hand.

Because of Im Sol's choices their house didn't completely burn down.

Because of Im Sol's choices Hyun Joo finally has the best of both worlds, with no regrets about letting go of something for the other. Her brother who was struggling with no motivation or luck whatsoever is definitely better off now.

Because of Im Sol's choices we even have a Tae Sung in the story, otherwise all we knew at the beginning, in episode 1, was he was some guy who dropped out of school after getting into a fight over something. Not the best first introduction to a character (who goes on to become the best second ML ever). I am the most proud about Tae Sung's transformation, because you can see that even in high school, underneath the 'bad boy' facade, he craved some genuine care and attention and guidance, which Im Sol the haelmoni, the yeppo noona provided.

Im Sol's choices allowed Seon Jae in Alt 2023 to live guilt-free for 14 years (where they confess), instead of him suffering that mental anguish and longing for 15 years out of guilt which the OG Seon Jae had to go through. And we all know what my feelings are about that version of him.

Because of Im Sol's choices, Sonagi exists (/-ed). Because if the 19yo Im Sol had not held the umbrella over him, giving him that dazzling smile of hers that is sunburst and blinding and contagious, capable of stirring storms within the heart, our boy would not be smitten and a loser and a goner for life (well, lives). And now we all know what that means when she chooses not to do that.

If Im Sol's choices have made anyone's life harder, it's Im Sol herself. She carries around the memories of THREE++ timelines, with the love of her life dying/almost dying in EVERY one of them. She goes through life as if she really didn't live through all that trauma that is enough to drive someone insane. She knows her Seon Jae is gone, for good, and all she has are memories that don't even exist in this timeline, memories that not even a single person can corroborate. You know how utterly helpless and hopeless that sounds like? She has a person in this timeline that resembles her Seon Jae, but she has to constantly remind herself he is not her person, her Seon-Jae, he better not be if she wants to see him alive. Going around in the city and seeing his posters/ads with his face on it, or stumbling onto him and seeing him staring at her with no recognition whatsoever? It's not easy. Becoming a complete stranger to someone who was once your everything, who could've been your everything. Not easy.

And she decides to carry on with life still because deep down she knows that's what Seon Jae would want, that's what Seon Jae had taught her: to live for the people who are thankful to have her around, to live to see another day, rain or shine. She loves life, lives life, as a token of gratitude to Seon Jae. She lives because when she says You saved my life, and you made me live to him, those are not just words she is casually throwing around. She is thankful that he made her find reasons to live one more day, and she is going to pay him back by living a worthwhile life. Because Seon Jae truly wants/ed that. He literally died wanting that, putting her life before him, because he wanted her to live, and by living, I mean not just breathing and spending the remainder of her life with survivor's guilt. Going back to this epic confession scene, he says all that because he is afraid of how Im Sol would go on with her life if he's no more. Here, he wants her to know that she doesn't need to blame herself, or suffer, because it is his choice to save her, and it'll all be worth it to him if she gets to live the best life she possibly can.

Just like Seon Jae in any timeline never stopped living or appreciating the good things in life despite longing for Im Sol for more than a decade, she will live and keep her love for him alive through herself. Even if she comes back home at the end of the day to cry in secret, or breaks down in tears in public places.

If Im Sol didn't make the choices she did, we won't have a Seon Jae to begin with.

[p4nishers]

"but young sam was watching him, across thirty years"

i genuinely can't explain what that line did to my brain chemistry but it fucked it up GOOD. like. imagine IMAGINE going back in time and meeting ur younger self who is naive and eager and so so painfully young and trying to teach yourself at least SOMETHING of what you've learnt from your father figure. and now YOU'RE your father figure. vimes spent the WHOLE BOOK trying to control the "beast" and do the right thing and he controlled it for HIMSELF in the end. because there are some things you owe yourself and your inner child is watching you always and young sam was watching him across thirty years and and and and. ive been having a panic attack for a whole hour if anyone was wondering

[crowleyholmes]

The thing that gets me so much about the kiss though, among many other things but this one i just never stop thinking about (and i'm sure it's one Crowley doesn't stop thinking about either), is how despite how shocked Aziraphale was by it and how scared and overwhelmed he was and how dangerous he knew it was (because he knew the Metatron was most likely watching), and despite the fact that he Forgives Crowley for it afterwards and breaks his heart, he didn't pull away. He didn't push Crowley away, either. And he easily could have, I'm 100% sure. Sure, Crowley was holding him in place by his coat lapels but still. Aziraphale could have turned his face away, could have pried Crowley's hands off, could have pushed him by the shoulders, could have verbally protested... but he didn't. In the end it's Crowley who ends the kiss and lets him go. Aziraphale wanted it just as much as Crowley did. But he was scared and confused and completely overwhelmed, and of course he falls back into old patterns. Plausible deniability!! Put on the front of the Good Angel! What do good angels do? Oh yeah, they forgive! It's their favorite thing! The good angel forgives the evil demon, look, Metatron, we're both doing exactly what we're supposed to be doing!!! Aziraphale is - stupidly? pointlessly? maybe!! - throwing up this facade, this ancient front they have always been forced to hide behind, to keep them both safe!!!

But at the same time, he IS angry. There is definitely some sincerity in that "I forgive you" he spits at Crowley. Because if there was one thing he never wanted to say in response to Crowley finally, finally kissing him, it's "i forgive you". It's pushing him away and breaking his heart and breaking them up, to keep them both safe. To give them a chance to do what they have to. But Crowley forced him to. And he doesn't even see it. Of COURSE Aziraphale is fucking devastated.