Pt2 to this post
'Is something wrong?' Nancy asks, not long after the two of them have taken their familiar spots on the hood of Steve's car. They're basking in what might be the last warm sunlight of the year, looking out over the quarry, at a safe distance from the edge.
It's become a tradition the two of them share, ever since they reconnected back in March. It calms them both, to just sit here and take in the view, no one around but each other. Nancy is one of the few people Steve can share a comfortable silence with: sometimes they sit here quietly for what feels like hours, side by side, listening to music or to nothing but the birds singing around them. But they also have their best conversations here: it's the place where Nancy entrusted him she wanted to break up with Jonathan; it's the place where they talked about their shared past and decided they would always love each other as friends; it's the place where they finally talked about Barbara in a way they couldn't when they were younger. It's where Nancy talked about the ghosts still haunting her and Steve talked about how lonely he sometimes felt.
Steve huffs. 'How did you guess?'
'When you frown, you always do it with your whole face,' Nancy notes. 'So it's hard to miss, really.'
Steve glances at her side profile. There's a serenity to her features that's still relatively new. It means she's healing, slowly learning how to be happy again. It means she stopped waiting for the end of the world and started believing in a real future again. It makes Steve proud of how far they both have come.
'I had a fight with Eddie,' he confesses. 'And with Dustin, I guess.'
'What happened?'
He sighs. 'It's complicated.'
'Wanna tell me about it?'
The look in her eyes is kind and inviting. Steve hesitates. He wants to, but he doesn't know if he can. It's a risk. It's scary.
But he can't imagine Nancy Wheeler ever being careless with his secrets. He can't imagine her judging him, can't imagine her being as small-minded as most people in this town.
He was planning on telling her anyway, because things had been going so well with Eddie lately and – no, he shouldn't think about that right now. But maybe it would actually be nice to talk about it with Nancy.
'So, um...' His throat feels tight and his hands are sweaty. 'I recently discovered some things about myself. I-' The words get stuck somewhere on the way to his mouth, and he clears his throat.
Nancy doesn't push, but only gives him an encouraging nod, waiting for him to find his voice again.
'I found out I like boys,' he finally manages to confess. 'And I need you to know that – that that doesn't mean that what I felt for you wasn't real. It was. I loved you, and now I fell in love with a boy. And-'
'Steve.' Nancy's hand suddenly covers his, causing him to finally jerk his head away from the view over the quarry, to focus on her face again instead.
Her eyes are wide, and she squeezes his hand.
'You don't have to explain yourself to me,' she tells him. 'We're good. But thank you for telling me. For trusting me with this.'
Steve heaves out a relieved sigh, and Nancy smiles; it's that genuine kind of smile which reveals all kinds of dimples and soft lines across her face.
'We might be more similar than you thought,' she tells him, a faint blush spreading over her cheeks.
'Really?' Her words make his breath catch in his throat. He squints at her, trying to see her in this new light. 'Are you saying what I think you're saying?'
She shrugs. 'I don't know. I'm not sure yet,' she admits. 'Still figuring things out.'
'Take your time, there's no rush,' he tells her. 'But...' He bumps his shoulder against hers. 'When you're done figuring it out, talk to me, okay?'
She nods. 'Okay.'
For a while, it's quiet between the two of them. Some kind of raptor circles high above them in the sky. They both follow it with their eyes until it disappears among the tree tops west of the quarry.
'Is it Eddie?'
Steve blinks dumbly a couple of times.
'Wha- what?'
'The guy you were talking about. The one you fell in love with. It's Eddie, isn't it?'
'Jesus, Wheeler, what kind of sorceress are you?' Steve exclaims.
Nancy laughs again. 'You're not being as subtle as you think,' she tells him. 'The two of you have been hooking up for a while now, haven't you?'
Steve huffs dramatically. 'This is unfair. You know everything; I can't even tell you my own secrets anymore!'
'So what happened?' Nancy asks. 'You said you had a fight with him?'
'It's fucking stupid,' he sighs. 'Dustin was getting way too excited about the fact that I was gonna be hanging out with you, so I told him I was seeing someone. Next thing I knew, he was telling Eddie all about how I was seeing a girl.' He waves his hands around to make annoyed air quotations. 'I wanted to tell Eddie it was a misunderstanding, but Dustin was there, so I couldn't out us just like that, and he looked so betrayed and heartbroken... He didn't wanna listen to me.'
Steve sighs; he still can't manage to forget that look in Eddie's eyes when Dustin delivered the big news. 'I wish I would've talked about what I felt for him earlier. I should've been honest when I had the chance, y'know. But I was afraid he wouldn't wanna label what we had, that he wouldn't feel the same way – and now we're in this whole mess. God, he must hate me right now, Nance.'
To his surprise, Nancy gives him an unexpected slap against his arm.
'Ouch, what the hell was that for?!'
'What are you even doing here with me, Steve? You should've gone after him, tell him how you feel!'
'I tried, obviously, but he didn't wanna listen to me!'
'So make him listen! You're in love with him, he obviously feels the same way about you, and you let him leave to wallow in a broken heart he doesn't even need to have!' She rolls her eyes and slides off the car, adding something under her breath that sounds suspiciously like an exasperated 'Boys!' before she pulls Steve off the car as well. 'C'mon, time to get your ass over to the trailer park. Right. Now,' she says through gritted teeth. And, well, Steve knows better than to argue with a determined - and truthfully quite terrifying - Nancy Wheeler.
Read the last part here
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chat i'm once again thinking abt how much i love the development of the emilia/subaru relationship. i just think they way they communicate with each other is so good.
both of them WANT to be together, they make that very clear. however their respective circumstances and traumas make that difficult at the moment, so they're kind of just hanging out. but everything is out in the open! they both know they like each other and wanna be together, but they're making the active choice to not act on it yet. given how fucked up they both are in the head... this is, like, remarkably healthy (and shows a lot of subaru's growth after feeling entitled! and emilia's growth in opening herself up to the idea that she could be loved!)
subaru constantly dotes on emilia, and its something she enjoys and feels comfort with. she feels like something is wrong when he doesnt (like in arc 6 w his amnesia). he tells her all the time that he loves her, expecting nothing back. shes not ready to commit to an "i love you," yet, but she's thankful to hear it, and she still wants to say it back someday. she outright says she can't marry anyone else because she's already chosen him! even if theyre not in a relationship, its like they're preparing for the day when they can be. they still both understand. and subaru is so patient with her about this now, he doesn't feel insecure about whether she likes him or not either. he knows! they both agreed to wait. they both know they're not fit for a real relationship but they're still committed to each other in this Just Hanging Out phase.
and from a writing standpoint i think this is GREAT because they can be a slow burn... and have open and honest communication about all their feelings for each other? thats so rare! literally no one is doing it like them. and i think their eventual relationship will have more payoff with less will they/won't they about the whole thing for it, imo. because 99% of the time w these kinds of stories, you know they will anyway, but what's cool here is that THEY also know they will.
i just think what they have going on is really cool and i love how it shows their growth. yes, its okay if theyre not "really" a fully romantic couple, that's too much for right now. but they can still be together in whatever way works for them, and slowly work their way into whatever comes next. they ARE working towards some kind of future together, but they're taking their time, testing the waters, and not settling into any specific roles just yet. just going with the flow, seeing how things turn out (especially w how hectic their lives are lol), but still undoubtedly loving each other (in emilia's case, even if she's not ready to commit to romantic love, you can't deny she loves subaru in a platonic way, or somewhere in-between).
its cool! its a cool dynamic that you dont get very often! but its also a very real one to me, they really feel like two troubled people just taking their time to figure stuff out with each other. not jumping into anything, but also preparing to eventually, and really communicating to make it work! that theyre both comfortable with how the other feels about them too, and easily settle into this nice peaceful dynamic they have in the meantime. theres no rush! they trust each other, and theyll get there.
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