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my angel, my sin

adult!Van x fem!reader

after nearly three decades of being together, Van has accepted that things aren’t going to change for her and Tai, resigned to the fact that there is no point in fighting their doomed fate. that is until she meets you.

authors note: I did something a little different with this one bc I wanted to explore a taivan fail marriage (love them both but they would be insane as wives) and what might happen if someone else entered the picture, so there’s a good amount of plot. also I’ll be real, I was kinda into the idea of pillow princess Van while writing this, so yeah. I really hope you like it <3

warnings: minors dni. infidelity, smut (oral, reader giving)

word count: 10k

there is safety in a cage. there is safety in being locked in, being constrained and unfree in your movement, there is a convenient lack of choice and no need for bravery when you submit to your circumstances, when you let the days pass you by without changing a single thing, without breaking out of what is known to you, without ever fighting for more.

something along those lines was a way of explaining why Tai and Van had stayed together for over 25 years, even when they were close to going insane together.

after getting rescued and eventually starting college, there had been numerous discussions about breaking up, about moving on, they had tried “taking a break” but it was only a matter of weeks until they got back together, slightly ashamed of their inability to live as “Tai” and “Van” instead of “Tai and Van”. it was physical, the terror they felt when they were separated, they had spent about 19 months attached at the hip, literally tied together in their sleep, so once they were free to be out in the world on their own, free to explore their desires and fantasies, everything in them told them that it was too dangerous, to sever the bond that had kept them alive out there. their relationship had been a central part of their survival, so it would have required a strength that neither of them possessed at the time: to brave through both severe and ptsd and the deep pain that their separation would have come with.

the first few years were fine, good even, they were long-distance during college, which gave them a decent amount of independence, it made it easy to avoid fights, to focus on the beautiful parts of their relationship, but once they both graduated, there was no reason not to move in together, so they did, quickly aware of just how different their ideas of a good life were, making compromises left and right that always left a bitter taste, that made them wish they could have just had the guts to go out and find new partners, ones that they could actually see eye to eye with. they married in their early thirties, once everyone around them started doing it, because not getting married would have been an admission, it would have signaled that there was a part of them that was not entirely enthusiastic about the word “forever” and if Tai and Van were one thing, it was stubborn, so they tied the knot, a fucked up irony to that symbol that did not escape them.

their stubbornness was apparent in the shared refusal to show weakness, to admit that they were unsatisfied, to throw the towel and say “I can´t do this anymore, I´m leaving”, to just be honest with each other and say it: that they were tired and needed more from life, from love, from everything. neither of them were to blame and both of them were, so naturally, they ran in circles during every single argument, never reaching any kind of resolution.

their deep codependency and complete lack of identity outside of their union made it so that they powered through many years of marriage without giving into the idea of “maybe, just maybe, we could try being friends while we figure out who were are on our own?”. it sounded so simple in theory but it was anything but that in practice, the plain truth of it was that they were scared, even at that age, even thought over ten years had passed, there was still that deep fear that struck them at their core whenever they imagined living on their own and the thing that made it even worse was that nobody understood their unique situation because no other married couple had the baggage of having lived through horrors in the woods together as teenage girls. nobody else could have given them advice that they´d considered helpful because nobody was able to understand just how riddled with hyper-complex feelings their relationship was. there was no example for them to follow, no couple to ask for guidance, so over time, they truly felt like they were stuck with each other in a sphere that nobody else could reach, not unlike some of the feelings they’d had in the woods, and it made a nasty resentment fester in each of them, that feeling of entrapment, of seeing no way out. it wore them out, the constant awareness that true loving companionship was not supposed to feel like bone-crushing work.

they did have their good moments, even amidst all the chaos, even twenty years in, every once in a while they spent a Sunday morning having a late breakfast, joking around laughing the way exact way they had when they were girls, sometimes they still watched films together and made snarky comments all the way through, every once in a while they found themselves in the dark, reaching for each other, not talking about it the next day, the way they´d clung to each other in the night, the way they´d monetarily slipped back into the familiar rhythm of their intimacy. still, over the years those moments had gotten less and less frequent. once they reached 40, they thought it might be time to be mature about it and try couple´s therapy, but one awful session was enough for them to vow to never return, leaving their therapist with a migraine and themselves with even more frustration to swallow.

at that point in their life they were tired of fighting, they were tired of the drama and tired of the mess, so they fell into a routine, one where they were cordial with each other, one that was closer to a roommate situation than a marriage situation. sometimes a routine like that works so well, so neatly, so perfectly, that it eventually leads to a quiet death of the soul, unless there is a sudden shift, a rupture.

in Van´s case, you were that rupture.

during your first year of college, you´d gotten lucky enough to find a group of friends that were looking for a new roommate in a house that was situated in one of the nicer parts of town, a residential area that students usually couldn´t afford, one of them had family in real estate, so you took her up on the generous offer and moved in that fall.

you´d never been the type to to spend much time talking to neighbors, but once you were aware that you lived next to a married lesbian couple, your interest was piqued. your roomates told you that they mostly talked to Van because Tai was sort of a workaholic, something about politics, which meant that you weren´t surprised when you ran into Van on her own shortly after you moved in, an evening where you both happened to come home at the same time.

in your memory, those first few minutes of getting to know each other hadn´t been anything extraordinary. you told her what you were doing in college, she told you about her job, you exchanged a few basic facts about yourselves, nothing too exciting, but in her memory, that had already been the beginning of what was inevitably going to happen down the line. you hadn´t been aware of this but she´d had a rough day and the way you talked to her was different from the way other strangers usually did: you never broke eye contact, you gave her your full undivided attention even though you were just doing a bit of small-talk, a sweet smile and bright eyes as you listened to her, and to someone as lonely and starved for connection as Van was at that time, having someone´s full attention like that was nothing short of exhilarating. you left that interaction wanting to know much more about her, she seemed intriguing, slightly mysterious to you, something told you that there was a lot behind those eyes, and on a surface level, she was also strikingly attractive, so you found yourself hoping it wouldn´t stay at that brief encounter with her.

neither of you had the words for it at the time, but there was an instant feeling of familiarity between you during your initial few run-ins, an ease when you laughed about something that the other person said, an honesty to your exchange that felt refreshing, like you didn´t have to to polite chit-chat but could actually put your cards on the table and be real, which made it impossible not to seek each other out again.

Van worked from home a few days a week and you only had about 10 contact hours at uni, so naturally, you saw each other again and again the following weeks, each time a little too excited, a little too eager, a little too willing to brave through wind and weather just to stay outside and talk for a while longer. one time your roommate saw you standing there and asked you when you came in what you´d been discussing with her, and you couldn´t for the life of you summarize the amount of topics you´d quickly switched between, the natural flow of your exchange that reminded you of the way you talked with close friends.

without even realizing, your conversations turned from being a few minutes long into being fifteen minutes long, to half an hour of standing in the driveway and forgetting about the time, you chastising her for calling herself a film expert without ever having seen any of the cult classics released after the year 2000, telling her which ones to catch up on asap, which was a welcome excuse for her to start another conversation with you once she´d seen them and could tell you all of her thoughts. part of the appeal of talking to you was that you were so willing to spill details about your life to her: petty grievances you had with some of your professors, drama you´d overheard in the living room the night before, frustrating phone calls with your parents she could sympathize with as someone who’d had a fair amount of fights with her mother as a student. she loved having her mind taken off her own issues by listening to you, your funny way of putting certain things, your youthfulness, it brought out a humor in her that she´d thought of as long lost, and it charmed you, the fact that she was able to keep up, that she knew how to make you laugh, genuinely.

she knew that she was getting herself into trouble during those weeks, she knew it, whenever you sat down with her on their front porch for a moment, whenever she felt a sting of jealousy at the mention of a girl in your life, or caught a glimpse of you sunbathing in the garden from their bedroom window, she could feel it, something way too intense bubbling beneath the surface, a pull towards you that was getting harder and harder to fight back against.

you didn´t know this but there was one specific reason why she could not stop thinking about you, why she was haunted by all of your interactions: your way of toeing the line between a tone that could be interpreted as both friendly or flirty. you hit the mark right in the middle, every single time, you were subtle with your flirting, and it made her turn the things you said to her and how you said them over in her head many times, part of her thinking “don´t be so self-absorbed, she´s just being kind” another part of her thinking “don´t be so oblivious, she clearly has a thing for you”.

during those first weeks of knowing each other you never exchanged numbers, so it became a guessing game of sorts, when you´d see each other, when you´d talk again, and somehow, the unpredictable nature of your encounters made them more thrilling, made it easier to long for more whenever you went a whole week not seeing each other, and it made both of you painfully aware of how much more you wanted, how desperately you wished you could just invite each other over, but you knew how suspicious that would have looked, the married woman inviting the young neighbor over, to “hang out”. perhaps it wouldn´t have been that big of a deal, perhaps nobody would have thought twice about it, but your shared hesitation gave away that you both knew where things would lead if you were left alone in a room for too long.

one specific evening, the inevitable happened.

one of your roomates was out of town and the two others were out for dinner. around 9 pm you stepped outside for a moment to take out the trash and because you weren´t used to being the only person at home, you forgot to take your keys with you and the wind made the front door slam shut, leaving you locked out. you didn´t have your phone on you either, so you were left with two options: staying outside and sitting on the steps of the house until your roommates came back later that night, or asking a kind neighbor if they´d let you stay for an hour or so.

naturally, you chose the latter and there was an obvious answer as to which neighbor you would ask. it was a little calculated on your part because you knew that that was maybe your one chance of getting into their house with a clear excuse, a motif that hid your other, less innocent motif for wanting to be let into Van´s personal space. there was no way of turning you away in a situation like that, so once she opened the door and you told her about it, standing there in your loungewear, your face soft in the bit of remaining natural light, she knew she was playing with fire by telling you yes, but she couldn´t help it, it was too late, she´d have said yes to anything you wanted from her, she felt a sharp awareness of it as you walked inside and followed her to the living room, that there was nothing she would deny you if you just asked her for it, and deep down, beneath the part of her that said “no, don´t do it”, there was a much larger part that was glad that you´d come to her, that said “when was the last time you felt this alive? imagine what it would feel like, to give into her?”.

Van led you to the living room and told you to sit and get comfortable as she got you a drink from the open kitchen, connected to the large living space, where she´d already made herself one, throwing out the fact that Tai was out of town for a conference, which was why she was home alone. the relief you felt when she said that was way too strong, and you didn´t mask it well, she caught it in your gaze as she sat down next to you, your sudden air of giddiness. you kept a safe distance between each other, but not enough to be unaware of the palpable tension, a moment of silence as you both tried to act normal, tried to find a casual way to talk to each other, while feeling your hearts beating of your chests just from sitting there together.

thankfully, the initial awkwardness subsided within minutes, you quickly fell back into your dynamic, one that was built on humor but also trust, over the weeks you´d been something like confidants to each other, enjoying the kind of honesty that was made easy by the fact that your lives were completely separate, that you had no way of spilling each other’s secrets to someone that the other person knew. neither of you ever explicitly acknowledged it but it was clear that you were both lonely in your own ways and that your connection was a way to escape that feeling.

the atmosphere of the room was nice at that hour, a few candles burning, a dim light form an expensive looking lamp in the corner of the room, a peaceful silence, the kind of atmosphere that turns conversations more intimate and personal, so you found yourselves spilling more and more about your personal lives as you kept drinking and losing your filter, absentmindedly touching each other at times, a pat on the shoulder, a touch on the arm, a thrill each time, one that made you both want more, pushing the limit of how long you could rest your hand on the other person each time.

you´d picked up on it before, that Van hardly ever mentioned Tai, and that when she did, it was always with a slightly pained tone, “my wife” never said with much affection, so it wasn´t a secret, that they were not doing too well as a couple. that night Van told you a bit more, since she felt seen and heard by you and appreciated the fact that you never looked at her with pity, that you had a way of making off-hand jokes in the exact right moments to get her out of her spiraling thoughts.

from what she told you, you got the sense that neither of them were truly awful people to be with romantically, that neither of them were truly intentionally hurting the other, but that they´d just gotten tangled up in a mess that was so hard to get out of after all that time that staying in it was simply the less exhausting option. at one point that night she slipped up and straight up told you “she actually cheated on me. with someone at work for a few months last year. or maybe she lied and it’s still going on, I don´t fucking know”, that sudden confession smacked you across the face, so you just stared at her, uttering something like “oh.. I´m sorry” as she looked at you, a fragility to her expression as she continued, “and the worst thing was that I wasn´t even angry or shocked because it was so fucking obvious to me, that that would happen in our relationship eventually”, “infidelity?” you asked, which she nodded at, “yes. it was always going to happen, so in a way I didn´t even blame her because it felt so inevitable. sorry I shouldn´t be telling you all of this, I´ll stop”.

what you asked her next was intentional, it was not subtle at all and you knew it, but each passing moment you felt yourself growing more and more eager to touch her, so you just said it, “have you ever considered t it? cheating on her too?”. she looked at you for what felt like ages, you held her gaze, moving a little closer instinctively, holding eye-contact. Van could have answered in many ways, and chose the single worst possible response, full, uncensored honesty: “I´m considering it right now.”, her voice unwavering, her gaze back where it had been drawn way too many times already that night: your lips.

the second you processed what she´d just said, your whole body burned up, your face flushed, your breathing quickened, it came crashing over you in full force, the rush of her confession, her want out in the open. there was nothing left to say, there was no other possible response you could have given her then but to move closer to her, waiting as she reached up and touched your cheek, her lips parted in anticipation, your faces barely inches apart, until you were the one to break the last barrier, your hand on her neck to pull her into a deep kiss.

the thing that was most telling about your need for each other was that you did not pull away and wait for a reaction, from the moment your lips touched you lost all shame and kept going and going, adjusting your positions on the couch, your leg over hers, half on her lap as you both grabbed each other, tearing at each other´s clothes, panting and sighing between kisses, desperate and needy, not dignified at all in the way you got all over each other, a sloppiness to your kissing that turned sexual very quickly, touching tongues and moaning into each other´s open mouths, trying to get some sort of friction from moving your legs apart so the other could push their knee in there, a violent release of all the tension that had built up before, about 15 minutes of making out and moving against each other like that until you eventually lost your breaths and pulled away, hot and red and completely out of it, smoothing down your hair and pulling your previously discarded shirts back on as you mumbled “sorry, I´m so sorry” at least five times, unsure how to possibly move on from what had just gone down. instead of trying to find words, trying to talk about it, you hastily suggested that you should probably leave her be, since your roomates should have probably been back by then, which she agreed to, still breathing heavy and as she saw you to the door.

before you went back to your house, you both stood there at the threshold, telling yourselves that it was just a moment of weakness, that it had gotten late and that you were drunk and that you could forget all about it, you reassured each other that it was a one-time thing, nothing to lose sleep over, but of course, it wouldn´t stay at that, you both knew while saying all those things that it was complete bullshit, that you´d barely drank two glasses and definitely did not feel sorry, and definitely did not want to forget about it.

after you left, she sat down on the staircase, head in her hands, trying to pretend that she felt guilty, trying to make herself feel bad, but only able to focus on the feeling the burn of her skin where you´d kissed her, clinging to it, the heavenly sensation of you being all hers.

the next day you woke up with an ache for her touch that you tried your best to ignore, busying yourself with cooking an elaborate dish, doing coursework, listening to music, cleaning up around the house, but by 5 pm you were done with your to-do list and had no plans to go out with friends, so you laid down and tried to take a nap because the time simply would not pass, minute after minute, dragged out by your excruciating desire to go over to her again, so around 6 pm you could not stand it anymore and accepted your culpability as you left your house to go over and follow your selfish instinct to have her again.

the moment Van opened the door, she smiled at you in a way that said “I knew this would happen”, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed as she looked you for a moment, taking in the sight of you before asking “locked yourself out again, hm?”, which made you smile too then, a shake of your head, a shared feeling of “what the fuck are we doing here.” as you stared at each other, unable to pretend that you felt anything but joy when she said “come in”.

the next few hours turned into a feverish haze of desire, you lost track of time entirely as you continued where you´d left off the night before, frantically undressing in the hallway before landing on the couch again, hands eagerly exploring the spots of your bodies that you hadn´t gotten to the night before.

that evening she became addicted to you, to a degree that was beyond what she´d expected, because you read her so well that she didn´t even have to muster up the courage to ask you for what she really wanted. a few minutes into making out and caressing each other, you moved down to her legs, and for a moment it seemed like a dream to her, too good to be true, that you were doing the exact thing she´d been dying for; each time she´d imagined being with you, she hadn´t imagined fucking you but being fucked by you. the one thing that got her to finish while masturbating those days was the thought of you between her thighs, but she had not expected that you were into it, her assumption was that most younger girls would probably want her to take charge and fuck them and she would´ve done it, gladly, but the fact that you were so eager to give, to please, your lips soft on her skin as you kissed your way down her body, it made her yours, entirely. that night you switched between making out, having sex, and talking for about 3 hours until you were spent and exhausted and laughed about how beyond help you were, how you could already see it playing out, your impending affair.

the thing that Van told you as you laid together, absentmindedly tracing the outline of each other´s exposed bodies, was that her and Tai did still have sex every once in a while, but only ever after fights. it was always an extension of their struggle for power, always rushed and aggressive, forcing orgasms out of each other so quickly that it hurt, that it felt more like a punishment than anything else, never an expression of love or of true desire, always a tool for dominance. so even though Van was not much of a top, over the years she´d started fucking Tai after particularly nasty fights, to regain the upper hand, and it always left her feeling horrible afterwards, ashamed and sad.

some people were really into hate sex but Van had never been one of them, to truly be satisfied during sex she needed it to be sensual and passionate, she was not the type for degrading or brutal stuff, sometimes a hint of it maybe, but most of the time what she truly wanted out of intimacy was to be lovingly opened up by someone, to be tended to and worshiped, to turn soft and vulnerable in someone's hands. she loved slow kissing during sex, she loved taking her time and finishing only a good while into it, and most of all she loved being eaten out. penetration was good in certain moments for her, she did enjoy it when you kept your tongue on her while adding pressure with your fingers, but nothing pleased her more than the simple act of getting head, preferably multiple times with breaks in between, which is what ended up happening most times you were over at their place. she´d stopped letting Tai do it for her because she quite literally did not want to open up for her like that, couldn´t bear the vulnerability of it, so with you, she rediscovered the side of her that she´d tried to ignore, her deep need to submit to someone sexually, to give up control and be pleased without worrying about being perceived as weak.

it was not that she did not enjoy pleasuring you too, sometimes when you seemed a little too satisfied with yourself after you´d made her cum twice in a row, she pushed you down and held you in place to finish you off too, sucking on your neck, on your tits while making you cum against her hand, proving to you that she was very much capable of also turning you into a whining mess, the way you usually turned her into one. sometimes you tried different things, one time she begged you to let her watch you jerk off which turned into her doing the same thing next to you, a few times you were both so in heat that you just rubbed up against each other in various ways, deeply pleased by the sight of the other person’s head falling back, the feeling of your hips moving in unison.

and yet, the one thing that made you both feel electrified the most was when you did what you´d done to her that first time you´d had sex: giving her head until she was too weak to speak, to do anything but lay there and submit to her bodies intense response to you.

the contrast was unbearably hot to you: her tough exterior, her nonchalant and stoic aura, that melted away in an instant each time you touched her, replaced by a sensitivity and softness that drove you crazy, that made you feel protective over her in some way. on your part it also had something to do with pride, there was no way of denying it, that you got a taste for it very quickly, the unique power you had over her, the knowledge that you and you alone were giving her what she really needed, the fact that she seemed to be physically incapable of staying away from you for more than a few days. you were addicted to it the same way she was, haunted by her moans and words of praise, the way she sighed your name, the way her legs felt smooth against your face, her taste, all of it.

it wasn´t just emotional for her, for you it was also shifting things, your collision. for a good while you´d felt like you were just floating around, going from place to place without being truly tethered to anyone or anything, friendships that were fun but never that deep, no truly fulfilling romantic encounters, so the feeling of being needed on a visceral level, being a central part of someone´s life, being physically indispensable, it gave you a sense of purpose. you knew that it might have sounded absurd to others, describing fucking someone else’s wife like that, but it was true, it was giving you something that you´d been lacking, that you´d been craving.

the affair had its own rhythm that you fell into those weeks after you first got together, there was no way you could sneak her over to your place, with at least one of your roommates always being home, so their house was the place to meet up, and Van was careless enough to invite you over whenever Tai was working late or out at some politicians dinner party, other people might have waited until their partner was out of town, to be 100% sure that they could not be caught, but Van was too desperate for you to wait that long in between, she told herself that she could always get dressed in a hurry if she randomly heard the front door unlocking while you were there, but lucky for the both of you, it never came to that.

about a month into it, you broke the news that you´d go on a seven day trip with your friends, which would mean that you´d be separated for way longer than you were used to, since those early days of the affair, you saw each other at least four times a week, sometimes more if you both happened to be home at the same time during the afternoon or on a day off.

you were both not thrilled about spending those days apart, but part of you also felt a sense of excitement over the fact that it meant that your need had time to grow, that your next time of seeing each other would be intense and even more desperate than usual.

Van realized when you told her just how lost she had gotten in her feelings for you because for a second she felt genuine terror at the thought of not seeing you for that long, you´d made her experience a sort of sexual renaissance, you´d woken her body up again; for years Van had suppressed her needs, which had mostly been drowned out by her depressive moods anyway, so it could not have been overstated, how life changing it was to finally be connected to her desires and her body again, to feel free in her expression of her sexuality, to be taken care of by you, since it was not just about the sex itself, it had slowly started bleeding into other areas of her life too, the feeling of autonomy, the feeling of vitality, something about your connection had brought her back to life, so she tried her best to keep her separation anxiety at bay.

after seven long days, most of which she´d spent working over-time or going outside as much as she could to try and remain somewhat sane, she finally got the text telling her that you were back home and would come over once you were done unpacking and eating dinner.

the moment she closed the door behind you later that night, you couldn´t even finish the sentence “you look good” because you immediately felt her hands on your face, her lips finding yours with a force that made you stumble back against the wall, bracing yourself as you smiled into the kiss and returned the energy, more than willing to save your words for later.

what you didn´t know was that she´d spent a better part of the week thinking about you, to a degree that was bordering on the obsessive, it was slowly but surely driving her mad; you showed up in her dreams, she woke up hot and frustrated more than once after feeling you close in her sleep, she regularly zoned out while trying to get work done, Tai had to repeat herself more around her because her mind was always with you, the way you looked at her, the way you ran your fingers through her hair while kissing, the feeling of your bare leg pressed against hers, her hand on your thigh when you got hot and heavy, your nails digging into her flesh as you held her in place, every little detail was burned into her mind and the constant flashbacks were killing her, so naturally, the moment you were finally in front of her again, it all came bubbling up, and you could tell from the way she kissed you: she was fucking starving.

after you both pulled away to catch some air she sighed, “jesus christ, you smell so fucking good”, while remaining barely an inch from your face. lucky for her, you´d gotten out oft the shower about fifteen minutes before coming over, so your skin was freshly lotioned, soft to the touch and and giving off a fresh scent that was sure to haunt her the coming days, she breathed in as deeply as possible, a shiver down her spine, a feverish adoration for you gnawing at her sanity as her hands wandered all over you.

“you´re not seeing anyone, are you?” she made sure, so you shook your head, wondering why she asked in that specific moment until you felt her eager lips on your neck and knew exactly why: she´d made sure that she could do whatever she wanted to you without worrying about marks or bruises, and you were happy in your passivity, pinned against the wall as you felt her tongue on the side of your neck, her teeth ever so lightly digging in, clearly lost in her need to taste you, to devour you, and if she hadn´t been careful she might have actually hurt you but you were glad to be wanted that violently, her hands rough under your shirt, on your chest, squeezing your tits hard enough to leave them shades of pink and red where her fingertips pressed down, drawing out increasingly loud sounds from you until she finally let go and faced you again, her lips swollen, her face flushed, an intensity to her gaze that was close to something animalistic as she kept feeling you up, making a satisfied humming sound, you smiled then as you placed your hands on her back.

“well you´re high energy, considering the hour”, she nodded, briefly wiping her mouth, “yeah, I just..”, she was beyond words, so you pulled her closer, your, tilting your head, a tenderness to your gaze as you asked, “should I help you relax? wind down a little?”. of course you knew that that was why she wanted you over, still, you liked hearing her say it, begging for it, “yes, please”. “you really missed me, hm?”, a smugness to your expression that got to her, she liked being being teased by you, it made her feel weak in a delicious way, “you have no fucking idea”, she uttered as she pulled you down the hallway, her hand firm around yours, almost ripping you forward because she was so impatient, leading you to the couch, your preferred place to hook up because fucking in their bed did seem a little too shameless, and besides, their couch was large and luxurious enough to feel like a bed anyway.

there was no need to pretend or waste time, so she pulled down her jeans and took her place, getting comfortable as you got down on your knees in front of her, moving between her legs and brushing your cheek against her inner thigh for a moment, looking up at her with innocent eyes, a docility to your demeanor that almost killed her then. she usually only took her pants off by herself because she liked the ritual of you ripping down her underwear, so you did, freeing her of it in one determined motion, placing your hands flat on her freckled thighs after, caressing them as you leaned forward, drawing it out to have her right where you wanted her.

Van seemed even more desperate than usual, you could tell from her heavy breathing, from the faint whimpering sound, that she´d been dying to have you back all week, that she´d probably tried and failed to be satisfied with touching herself to the memory of you, it was a little cruel of you to draw it out, you could hear her whispering a soft “please..” as she leaned back and waited, burning up from the sensation of your fingers trailing her skin, so you finally put her out of her misery and kissed your way up her thigh to where she needed you, a gasp of relief as you put your lips to her cunt and ran your tongue over the familiar sensation of her arousal, warm and slick, a broad stroke of your tongue, a humm of pleasure, savoring her taste before diving in, your hands firm on her thighs as you pulled her forward a little to have her right in your face, no worry about air flow as you buried yourself in her.

you´d gotten to know her body well enough by that point to have the exact rhythm and speed that she needed from you figured out, and you used it to your advantage, mercilessly, moving your tongue up and down between her folds in a sloppy intense manner that bordered on making out with her cunt, and it had her whining within seconds, her hands in your hair, roughly tugging at it as she praised “that´s it, baby, keep going”, she knew it was pretty shameless, to use pet names when you weren´t her “baby”, not her anything, but during sex she couldn´t help it, she was just too into you, and you didn´t mind, it felt good to be claimed like that, even just for a moment.

she struggled hard with keeping her legs still, so you held them in place as best as you could while feeling her rock against your mouth, your chin mouth glistening with her juices, drunk on the feeling of her slick heat against yours lips, the heavenly sensation of hearing her panting and moaning for more, her hips moving with the rhythm of your tongue, the brief vision of her head thrown back, her throat exposed, her glowing hair against her pale skin as you glanced up from below, you could feel yourself growing wet from it, the utter thrill of having her at your mercy like that.

Van eventually grew so erratic and dizzy with lust that she held onto your face, harder than usual, as she abandoned all shame as she pushed your head forward, grinding herself against you, using you in a way, which you submitted to in an instant, holding your tongue in place as she basically rode your face, brushing up against your nose with her clit in a way that made her lose her last bit of composure, her sounds closer to cries then as she felt the pleasurable ache at her core deepening and deepening each passing second, “you feel so fucking good”, she breathed, overcome with affection for you, your way of giving her exactly what she needed and more, your selflessness when it came to intimacy, when it came to her desires.

she could only keep up her aggressive claiming of your face for so long, after a few minutes of perverse, nearly pornographic sounds from both of you as you got lost in the aggressive heat, her hips became sore, a needy cry from her that signaled to you that you should take charge again, so you pushed her back into the couch cushion and slowed it down, urging her “breathe, I´ve got you” deep, intense strokes of your tongue, deliberate and sensual licks that were a sweet contrast to her messy, fast movements before, a satisfied sigh from her, followed by “god, don´t stop”, as you kept going, never letting up, never interrupting the flow of intense arousal that was filling her head to toe, a warmth that was unparalleled, burning through her heart, her soul, her whole being, submitting to you was her way of experiencing revelation.

you spent a good while like that, feeling her stroke your hair in encouragement as you let her get worked up to the point that she needed to get to, in order to really cum as hard she wanted to, so eventually, once you felt her growing restless, you did the final thing you knew would push her over the edge, your tongue focused solely on her most sensitive spot, flicking over it again and again as you forced her weak legs open to have enough space, suckling on her clit with a low hum of pleasure, which was the thing that made her feel that sudden violent wave of heat at her core, helpless mumbling and cursing under her breath as you drew out her orgasm, the shuddering kind, the kind that´s full body, all consuming and satisfying to a degree that no rushed jerking off could ever compete with, it was the thing that made her crave you, your touch, your mouth, the way you made her cum without rushing her or forcing it out of her, each time you went down on her she knew you´d let her take as long as she needed, you´d keep your face between her legs for hours if she wanted, so in that moment, she felt nothing but pure bliss as she finished against your mouth, her hips still jerking up in slower intervals as you let her ride it out, your lips still on her, leaving light kisses on the mess you´d made as she let go of your head, a barely audible “fuck..” as she went slack, a comfortable silence while you looked up at her, drinking in the sight of her all flushed and blissed out, her eyes shut, her lips parted, her chest rising and falling, a pat of her hand next to her on the couch, a signal for you to come up and join her.

once you got down next to her you moved closer and felt her reaching for your hand as she turned her face and smiled at you, slightly shy in the wake of her vocal climax, “I like when you get like that”, you mused, gently touching her arm, “oh really?”, she asked, a tired smile, eyeing you from the side, slowly coming back to her senses. “yeah. it´s hot when you hold me in place, use me”, she squeezed your hand then, grinning, a flicker of surprise in her eyes, “okay I see. I´ll keep that in mind” a pause before she added, “I really don´t deserve you, huh?” meaning it, she’d felt slightly guilty for unleashing her desperation onto you like that, and there you were, telling her it was a turn on. “you know, you should ride me face sometime. like actually sit on me”, that comment got a blush out of her, she shook her head and protested but deep down she knew she´d probably take you up on it, it made her feel a lingering heat at her core, to imagine you under her like that, your pretty face, all hers.

“god I don´t know what the fuck is going on with me..” she admitted, shaking her head, still high on endorphins, a sympathetic pat on her shoulder from you then, deeply pleased by your effect on her. “am I messing with your head?”, you joked, but she didn´t laugh, she just nodded, “you are, yes. I like you so much.” it came out more sincere than she intended, so you went quiet for a moment, letting the words settle, leaning your head against the cushion while staring at her, waiting for her to look at you, which she did, brushing a stand of hair out of your face, a gentle swipe of her thumb over your lower lip before leaning in and giving you a kiss, a tender one, unlike before, the kind of kiss where you just leave your lips pressed against together for a moment, followed up by a few minutes of soft, slow making out.

eventually, Van reached down to put on her underwear again before walking over to the kitchen behind you to get you both a glass of water, handing it to you once she sat back down and paid closer attention to you than before, looking right at you as she said, “I just realized I haven´t asked you a single fucking thing about your week yet, I´m a horrible host”, you smiled, “no worries, not much to tell anyway, it was just a nice getaway, no juicy stories”, she smiled, looking at you with unconcealed affection,“still, how are you, really?”. it was clear that she was actually interested, invested in your life, your state of mind. you thought about it as she drank up and put the glass down, her hands free to touch you again, resting on your legs as you spoke. “oh I´m good, just a bit tired from the flight, but other than that, I´m great right now”, emphasis on the last words to make it clear that it had to do with her, she nodded, “well, I feel kinda bad now, calling you over here when you´re already exhausted. you should probably be sleeping right now, hm?”, you shook your head, “oh no, I´ll take this over sleep, any time”.

Van glanced down for a moment and noticed the slight bruising on your knees, which had appeared because the floor right below the couch was not covered by carpet.“jesus I´m sorry..” she said, inspecting it closer, “oh no need to apologize, I don´t mind.” she gently traced the red skin, mostly out of concern, but deep down she was also satisfied by the sight, proof of your submission to her needs, deep down she´d always had a thing for women on their knees, something about worship, something about devotion, her hand wandered up your thigh eventually, her voice low as she said, “I do feel a little guilty sometimes though. you´re so sweet and I treat you.. well not the way you deserve. you should be out on a date or something” for a moment Van genuinely felt a sense of shame over her greed for you, the impact she was quite literally leaving on your body without being able to give you much more than a few nights a week, in secret.

“I´m not doing you a favor, Van. I wouldn´t keep coming back here if it didn´t give me what I need too”, she looked back up at you again,“it does?”, she knew of course that you were into her, but it wasn´t easy for her to believe that being of service to her was that pleasing to you. “yes, I´d be pretty devastated if this ended right now” you insisted. she moved her hand to your neck, her eyes trailing down to that space above your collarbone that she wanted to kiss again, “you know that that´s kind of hard to believe for me, right?”, you were amused by her inability to see just how deep your attraction to her was because to you it was so obvious, “well, not to be too forward but your body feels really good and you sound hot. and that´s more than enough to get me off”, she shook her head, “okay stop”, you liked seeing her flustered so you kept pushing it, leaning forward playing with her hair as you said, “I mean it. you´re very hot, you know that right?” a light shove from her then because she could feel her face turning red from your overt flirting, “alright, enough with the flattery, miss” but deep down she loved it, you could tell from her failed attempt to suppress a smile.

it had gotten late, it was nearing midnight, you were both getting sleepy and you´d come over in the clothes you´d wear to bed, so there was an obvious question on Van´s mind, a hesitant pause before she said, “listen. would it be really fucked up to ask you to sleep over tonight?”, she was aware that it might be out of line to ask you to sleep in the bed she usually shared with her wife, you eyed her, the way she was holding herself with slight self-consciousness, a soft smile as you said, “probably, yeah”, she nodded, “right, yeah, I thought so..” a slightly disappointed expression that you took as a compliment before you continued, “but. I can cope with doing messed up things. clearly” gesturing back and forth between you two, which made her laugh then, “okay, good. I mean, you can sleep on my side, if that makes it less weird”, you were tickled by that logic, “sure, let´s do that”, “come on then, I think you deserve to relax now”, she said, giving your thigh a light squeeze as she got up and motioned for you to follow her upstairs.

as you passed by the kitchen counter your eyes landed on an opened envelope near the edge, “Vanessa?” you said, which made her flinch and grab your wrist to pull you towards the hallway, away from the document, you laughed as she did this, amused by her dramatic reaction “so, that´s your real name?”, “obviously, yes. and just so you know, I fucking hate it.”, a pause before she added, “but I´ll admit, in your voice it actually doesn´t sound that horrible”, “careful, don´t be too sweet to me. Vanessa”, usually she´d have gotten pissed at someone for teasing her with her full name, but with you it was different, she could tell it was done lovingly, it also kind of turned her on but she´d unpack that another time, “no? why not?”, you looked back at her then as you went up the stairs, “don´t wanna make your side piece fall for you”, “side piece?? that´s awful, I don´t think of you as that”, she sounded scandalized, “I know, I´m just messing with you”, in that moment it hit her what you´d actually said before,“wait, what was that, repeat that for me”, her demeanor suddenly much lighter, but you just smiled at her, the glow on your face was enough for her to know that you had meant it, that you didn´t just see her as a casual fling.

the fact that it was pitch black outside by that point made it much easier to go into their room, it felt less intrusive than if you´d seen every little detail, besides, you were too tired to take a good look around anyway, so you went over to their bed and tried to get comfortable as you felt her getting in on the other side. you did have a brief moment of worry then as you realized what exactly it was that you were doing, where you were laying down, and it didn´t escape her. about a minute passed of you just laying there, quiet, not looking at her or moving to snuggle up to her, which amused her, the fact that you had no problem having sex with her but suddenly got shy in that moment, so eventually she turned to face you, a smile as she said, “you do know that you can touch me, right? considering what we just did, this should not be the thing to lose sleep over”, you moved your head to meet her eyes then.

“okay very funny. I just thought it might be weird for you, if it feels like I´m her or something…”, she shook her head,“we don´t get close under the covers anymore, so, you´re good”, that almost made you laugh then,“that´s a pretty depressing image”, “oh I know, that´s why you had such an easy time seducing me”, she drew out the last two words for dramatic effect and you knew she was joking but you decided to play into it, a prideful smile on your face as you moved closer to her, pressing yourself up against her side as you whispered, “right, I took full advantage of your loneliness, didn´t I?” your lips soft on the side of her neck, your hand under her shirt, a helpless sigh from her “hmm”, “I corrupted you, huh?” your fingertips trailing down her ribs, you loved feeling her weak and quiet from your effect on her, so you kept whispering to her between kisses, her eyes shut as she let you feel her up until she eventually grew too hot from it and pushed you away, gently. “okay, easy you´re gonna have to stop that, unless you´ll follow through”, you cocked your head, a playful sparkle to your eyes, “should I?”. Van shook her head, in slight disbelief over your willingness to go again, “I appreciate the energy, really, but let´s save it for tomorrow”.

she had a different urge then, one that came from a place of pure tenderness, the sight of you all soft and comfortable next to her made it impossible for her to leave any space between your bodies, “come on, turn around for me”, a nudge to your side that made you face away from her, so she could put her arm around you and pull you close, her face nuzzled against your back, breathing in that scent of yours she couldn´t get enough of, “good?”, she asked, squeezing you a little as you moved your legs against hers under the blanket. “yeah, this is nice”, you sighed, relaxing into it, a deep sense of safety in her embrace.

both of you instantly grew heavy, so you shut your eyes and drifted off, whispering “sleep well” to each other at the exact same time, which made you both laugh a quiet, almost girlish laugh. just before you fell asleep, you put your hand over hers, in that state of half consciousness it was easy to be romantic, it was easy to do what you really wanted to, so you fell asleep the way you would with a girlfriend, forgetting for a moment that she wasn´t, too lost in the utter peace you felt being there with her.

Van knew what some outsiders might have said about her relationship to you, “the lonely wife goes and fucks the hot young neighbor? how surprising.” something cynical like that, and she couldn´t deny that there was some truth to it, but as she felt your body warm against hers that night, she could not see anything nasty in your dynamic, it was impossible, because right then, the part of her that had remained a believer even during her darkest times came alive again; she was convinced that some higher power had made you cross paths. she did not believe in angels in a literal sense but she believed that people could play that part in the lives of others, often without even realizing, and that was how she saw you, as a kind of divine presence in her life that had come and ruptured the routine that was about to suffocate her, that she´d shut herself away in. Van knew that it might have come off as sanctimonious if she´d said it out loud, but she did not care, deep down, she truly felt like you were going to change things for the better, not just for her but for Tai too, because for the first time in ages Van felt a fragile sense of optimism looking forward, instead of the sheer dread she´d felt all the years before.

she realized then that felt stronger and more capable of trying to figure out how to move on from her marriage, not because she was going to use you as her distraction or emotional support, she was not selfish enough to make you shoulder that burden, but because you were a living breathing reminder that there was more out there, you were a reminder of the possibilities she would open herself up to if she just accepted the initial pain of breaking out of what was known to her. it hit her then, that her feeling of entrapment was not grounded in reality, she was not the young girl stuck in her mothers house anymore and she was also not the teenage girl stranded in the woods; during her developmental years she´d been so unfree and restricted in her movement that as an adult she´d been completely blind to the fact that she could do whatever the fuck she wanted, go wherever she pleased, it was not out of masochism that her and Tai had stayed together for that long, even when it hurt, it was because they were hardwired to accept horrible circumstances as inescapable, they were too good at submitting to pain, in a way it was almost impressive, just how long they could keep their heads above water in situations where others would have already drowned in despair.

the time she spent with you had shown her just how exhilarating and beautiful it could be, to finally allow herself to look beyond what she was familiar with and to let herself want things, to open herself up to the terrifying act of hoping for more.

in her deepest fantasies, she could see herself and Tai with new partners, as good friends, talking to each other with that shared humor that they´d lost during their years of marriage, which Van missed, Tai had been her best friend before they’d become lovers, after all. she could envision it perfectly, Tai teasing her about being into younger women, letting herself be bossed around by someone who wasn´t even alive when they were in high school, it didn´t seem impossible to her, it seemed within reach, which shocked her.

as the feeling of you presses against her chest slowed her heart rate, she remembered what it feels like, to be free of anxiety, fully at ease, relaxed to her core. in that moment, nothing was gnawing at her, no past pain could reach her, nothing could disrupt your shared peace, and you were blissfully unaware of it, the fact that she was close to tears right before sleep got a hold of her too.

the next morning you were unsure if you´d dreamed it up or if it had actually happened: her breath warm against your cheek in the middle of the night, a soft kiss, a whisper, “my angel”.

#it was fun to write something longer for her #van palmer x reader #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets #van palmer

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