#and the synchronization and harmonization in the songs are just so good

[magic-to-write]

Chapter 6:

It was a beautiful Friday afternoon, puddles littered the ground and the sky a deep clear blue. Leila jumped in puddles as she and Carter made their way towards the Grand Oak Resort, laughing as they walked.

  As they approached the hill the Grand Oak sat upon, they met up with Theo and Ridley who got there at the same time. Leila instinctively got behind Ridley to help her up the slippery hill; it just was habit at this point.

  Leila thought of Grand Oak Resort as her second home. The apartment over the magic shop was lovely, but the Grand Oak had everything from pools to a magnificent view overlooking Mineral Wells. Leila often accompanied her poppa when he came to work, if for no other reason than to stroll among the gardens.

  flower boxes lined the footpaths between red brick buildings with green shutters accenting every window. The Misfits walked along these paths, Leila admired the yellow lilies and marigolds as they walked by them. There were blooming butterfly weed shrubs and hydrangeas; Leila loved the ever colourful garden.

  Leila was so wrapped up in her own mind she hadn't realized she was still pushing Ridley; not that anyone said anything about it. She pushed her all the way to the field where Izzy and Olly were doing cartwheels through the damp grass. Izzy planted her feet and crouched down as Olly leapt onto her shoulders. Izzy rose up, swift as a piston, grasping her brother's legs. They stood in the field, watching as the Misfits approached in awe of their gymnastic skills.

    "You've gained some weight!" Izzy called up to her brother.

    "Thanks to all my friends called doughnuts!" Olly said well patting his stomach.

  Izzy wobbled, looking like she could no longer hold her brother up. As they tipped, Izzy dropped to her knees and Olly tumbled into a perfect somersault, landing in a perfect pose, arms outstretched, hands waving. Leila and the others broke into enthusiastic applause.

  Upon seeing their friends, the twins then burst into an a cappella song, harmonizing in comic falsetto, box-stepping and pirouetting.

    "Welcome, welcome, one and all, Nice to see you, guys and dolls! A lot's gone on; have things been funky? We heard you almost caught a monkey! We've missed you much, what a strange week! Check our pockets; have a peek!"

  Synchronized, the twins held open their vest pockets. Before anyone could get too close, a pink nose stuck out of Izzy's pocket, it sniffed the air before a little mouse head with a brown spot on one eye.

  Theo jumped back, rubbing his hands on his pants. Ridley got closer, well another mouse with a chipped ear poked out of Olly’s pocket.

    "Are those mice?" Ridley asked them. Pointing at the small creatures.

  Izzy pulled her mouse out of her pocket, holding it so Ridley could pet it's head. "We wanted magical assistants." Said Izzy.

    "We've spent all day training them!" Olly chimed in.

    "What can they do?" Carter asked, cautiously petting Olly’s new mouse.

  Olly and Izzy glanced at each other. "So far, they're very good at squeaking." Olly said trying to make it sound impressive. 

    "Where did you get them?" Leila asked, she knew from trips with her fathers that the local pet shop they don't sell mice- hamsters yes, but not mice -and so she was wondering.

    "We caught them out here in the yard." Said Olly. Oh great dirty wild mice that have who knows what. Leila kept her thoughts to herself along with her hands, Ridley seemed to hesitate, but decided to keep petting the small creature.

  Izzy whispered something to Ridley, Ridley laughed, giving Izzy a smile that Leila only managed to get in her dreams. A burning feeling engulfed Leila's chest, Leila tried to put out the fire in her by using logical thoughts; why did Leila care if Ridley had a crush on Izzy? Leila was completely fine until finding out Ridley has a crush on someone else! Now Ridley had wiggled into every thought Leila had.

  Leila felt like such a bad friend.

    "Endless!" Izzy's voice pulled Leila back to the present, she hadn't realized she had been drowning out the conversation. "Math! Chemistry! French cuisine!"

    "Oh, yes." Said Olly. "I love a good boeuf bourguignon. Hey Izzy!"

    "Yes Olly?"

    "What do you call a mouse who excels at oration?"

    "I don't know, Olly. What?"

    "A public squeaker!" The twins snicker at their own joke.

    "Hey, Olly!"

    "Yes Izzy?"

    "Where do mice shop for groceries?"

    "I dunno, Izzy. Where?"

    "The mini-mart!"

  There was polite laughter before Ridley decided to get the meeting on the road, Ridley handed her notebook to Carter; who had become the club's unofficial secretary. "Roll call!" Ridley sang out. When she spoke each member's name, that person answered, "Here!"

  Except for Olly, who said, "Present! Ooh, I love presents. Does anyone have a gift for me?"

  Before the meeting could be derailed Ridley used Olly’s rambling to continue the meeting in the right direction, "Announcements! Let's hear 'em!" 

  Izzy raised her hand. "How did the dinner with Sandra Santos go?"

    "I wish you two could have been there! It was amazing!" Leila just couldn't contain her excitement.

    "She read our fortunes and she likes to cook! And she tried to catch Bosso's monkey, but she tripped and the monkey got away." Carter said. Tugging on his sleeves.

    "So that monkey is still around?" Olly asked. "Still up to... monkey business?"

    "Apparently." Ridley sighed.

    "Sandra sounds like a real hoot." Izzy said, a smirk on her face.

    "No, Izzy." Said Olly. "A hoot sounds like this: Hoo-oo! Hoo-oo!"

    "Wow, Olly, you're pretty good at that." Izzy said sarcastically. "Maybe you can befriend an owl and get wise."

    "Har-har." Olly said. Nudging Izzy in a playful manner. "Sorry we couldn't be there. Sandra sounds like she knows her way around a good performance." 

  That felt like an under statement, Leila thought of the feeling she got when Sandra locked eyes with her. The feeling that had engulfed her. Leila picked that over in her head, but was yet to come up with an explanation. 

    "She really does." Leila said nearly losing herself in a daydream. "Have you seen her around the resort at all?"

    "It's hard to miss her." Izzy said.

    "She attended our show this morning." Olly said. "She clapped really hard. Very nice of her." 

    "She even looks like she might be psychic." Izzy said. "She's certainly got the right hair for it. Long, wavy and she does some cool hairstyles. Yesterday she had it in this wild braid; I want to do that." 

    "There’s no such thing as psychic." Ridley said, crossing her arms.

    "Then how did she know so much about us?" Leila asked. 

    "She... she had a lot of time before dinner. She could of asked people around the resort about us." Ridley said, but she didn't sound too confident; like she hasn't hammered out the fine details. "After everything that happened with Bosso, people know a little bit about us now." 

  Carter cringed, looking over his shoulder. "Hopefully not too many people."

    "I did a little more reading last night about some of the self-proclaimed psychics of the past century." Said Ridley. "Did you know Harry Houdini was not only famous for escaping impossible traps, but also for debunking fake psychics?"

    "He was?" Leila asked. "I've never heard that before, and I love that guy."

    "We are aware." Theo said, causing Leila to laugh a little.

    "Houdini was part of this club whose mission was to stop people from believing in fortune-tellers." Ridley said. "In most of the old photos where the spiritualist were supposedly spitting out this ghostly slime called ectoplasm, Houdini figured out it was actually made of wet cheesecloth."

  Theo chimed in, "I have seen a photograph in a book of a man who was levitating several feet off the ground, but if you examine the image closely, it is apparent that he jumped off the chair in the middle of the shot. Disappointing." 

    "But what Sandra did seemed so real." Leila said, feeling the key hanging around her neck.

    "Think about it, all Sandra said was some vague stuff that we could apply to anything." Ridley said. "Fortune cookies give similar insights in less words. You guys can believe what you want, but I don't believe in her mumbo jumbo about speaking to spirit guides or ghosts or whatever."

    "Oh hey! We do have announcements." Izzy said, elbowing her brother. "The ghosts have started up early this year." Leila's eyes could of rolled off into the sunset, but she managed to fight off the urge.

    "What ghosts?" Ridley asked.

    "Every year; usually around Halloween. the whole hotel staff starts spreading rumors about ghosts." Leila said. "They just freak themselves out until Halloween is over." 

    "Who would haunt the Grand Oak?" Carter asked. 

    "Or haunted by what?" Theo asked.

    "Come closer, and we'll tell you the tale." Izzy said, her voice becoming a breathy and dramatic. "Our friends on the maintenance staff seen and heard things in the old abandoned wing of the main lodge; strange things."

    "'Tis true." Olly said, mimicking his sister's tone. "Things that they can't explain! In recent weeks, staff has heard voices and seen shadows moving about within the building. Only problem is; the abandoned wing has been locked up tight for years."

    "Yeah, right." Ridley said. "That’s hardly evidence of ghosts."

  A nearby door banged open and the kids all jumped. Turning towards the now open door, Leila was filled with relief to find it not opened by an invisible force; not that she expected the door to be opened by a ghost she was just really glad it wasn't. Instead of an empty door way there was a thin old man wearing a droopy green hotel uniform, dragging an old mop behind him.

    "Whew. No ghosts. Just Dean." Izzy said.

    "Hi Dean!" Leila called over. Dean started working at the Grand Oak around the time Leila was adopted, he has followed her on some adventures she has had in the resort; and has saved Leila's hide more times then she liked to admit.

  The old bellhop looked over at the Misfits as Izzy waved him over. Dean smiled and made his way over.

    "Hello Golden menaces." Dean said in a playful tone. "Need an excuse for why a couple of leftover brownies have gone missing again?" Izzy stumbled over her words for a moment.

    "Good afternoon, Dean." Ridley said before Izzy recovered.

    "Good afternoon, little Larsen."

    "You've heard about the ghosts, right?" Izzy asked.

    "Oh yes!" Dean said. "It's got everyone pretty spooked. Some of the maids are superstitious and too scared to go near the old wing. Mr. Arnold is at his wit's end. He's already threatened to fire some of them if they don't do their jobs."

    "And just who are these supposed ghosts?" Asked Ridley, still sounding doubtful.

    "Can't say, 'cause I don't know. What I do know is that a bunch of bad stuff happened in that old wing. That's why it's still closed to this day." Dean looked over his shoulder as if to see whether anyone was watching him. "Long time ago, there was a fire in the rear wing. Lots of damage. Some people got hurt. Cops never found out what happened, but rumor has it that a magician club was practicing their act when the fire started."

  A magician club? Did the Emerald Ring have something to do with the fire? Leila didn't have much time to ponder this before the conversation continued.

    "So you be careful young Larsen." Dean said, waving a finger at Ridley.

    "Me? What would ever gives you the idea that I would play with fire?" Ridley asked.

    "Mm-hmm" Dean hummed not sounding convinced. "Just be careful, you hear me? Anyway I have to get back to work before Mr. Arnold gets on my back."

  Dean walked away slowly, dragging his mop behind him. The Misfits gave their cheerful goodbyes as he walked away.

    "So missing brownies?" Carter asked.

    "ANYWAYS, does anyone think the Emerald Ring has something to do with the fire?" Izzy said.

    "As much as I don't like it it seems highly possible." Ridley said. Tapping away on her wheelchair.

    "No way." Carter said. "Mr. Vernon wouldn't set the Grand Oak on fire."

    "Maybe not on purpose, but accidents happen." Theo said.

    "What about the ghosts?" Olly asked.

    "Perhaps the Magic Misfits should look into it." Theo said.

  Ridley rubbed her temple, "Ghost aren't real."

    "Remember what Mr. Vernon said." Carter said. "It's not whether magic is real or not. It's what you believe. Same applies to ghosts."

    "Alright, fine in that case, the Misfits absolutely should investigate." Ridley said, giving in.

    "What if we do find ghosts?" Izzy asked. "Ghost stories are ghost stories until you see something you can't explain."

    "That’s not funny Izzy." Olly said.

    "Or worse gets touched by a ghost."

    "Izzy please." Olly whined.

    "I don't like the idea of anyone getting fired for being afraid. We should get to the bottom of this nonsense." Carter said.

  Ridley noticed Leila staring at the grass. Softly nudging her Ridley brought Leila's attention to Ridley's eyes.

    "Hey, don't stress, Leila. I'm sure that the Emerald Ring being there was just a rumor." Ridley said.

    "I don't know. My dad always seems to have so many secrets..." Leila whispered.

    "So let's look into the ghosts, and maybe we'll learn more about the fire." Ridley said.

    "You're a genius Ridley." Leila said finally smiling again.

    "I like to think so." Ridley said, smiling with her.

    "It would be horrible if anyone at the Grand Oak had to lose their job because they're too scared to work here."  Leila clapped as a brilliant idea burst forth. "We should ask Sandra to talk to the ghosts; she can ask them to leave. If there's one thing people in Mineral Wells love, it's a show"

    "And pizza." Said Olly. "People in Mineral Wells are crazy about pizza."

    "And ice cream." Izzy said. "People in Mineral Wells just ado-oore-"

    "A show." Ridley interrupted. "Good idea, Leila. What room did Sandra say she was staying in?"

[thisworldisablackhole]

This month in listening... 03/21/24

Been a minute since I've done one of these roundups, which is maybe for the best. More time for things to happen. This one is gonna be exclusively new releases because the last few weeks have been HOT. The year is really starting to cook up and I'm stoked.

New Waxahatchee album just dropped like 30 minutes ago (at the time of writing this), and I think it might be her best work to date. I've been a fan of the Crutchfield sisters since P.S. Eliot. Alison's band Swearin' is still one of my favourite pop punk bands ever, and Katie has been killing it with her solo work ever since American Weekend came out in 2012. I still have fond memories of running away from home in 2014 and singing Bathtub next to a camp fire, high on mushrooms in some dusty norcal weed town. The americana influence that she has been incorporating into her music recently suits her voice and style of songwriting so well, and I'm so happy to see it really flourish here. The collaboration with MJ Lenderman is just the cherry on top.

SeeYouSpaceCowboy dropped a new 2 part single recently. The first part functions as a short but beautiful piano intro featuring vocals from singer iRis.EXE. I do not know anything about this singer other than the fact that her voice is completely mesmerizing, even just the way she enunciates certain words scratches a weird itch in my brain. The intro cleverly transitions into the next act with the sound of a crowd clapping that slowly synchronizes into a single beat which lays the foundation for the rest of the instruments to come in. Silhouettes In Motion might actually be my new favourite SYSC song, and forebodes extremely well for how much I'm going to love the full album. The way the chorus swings in is so disarming and wonderful, I could just repeat that part over and over.

Last friday, Night Verses finally dropped the long awaited part 2 of their album Every Sound Has A Color In The Valley Of Night. There has been lots of clamor and confusion over why they released the album in parts like this, and I think the only real answer is that they wanted to end up on my year end list two years in a row. Seriously, the second part of this album rules and it starts off so strongly with this song Plague Dancer. This is one of the heaviest songs on part 2 and if full of intoxicating grooves, but the part that really sells me on it is that god damn breakdown where Nick DePirro throws in these muted harmonic strums that sounds pieces of sheet metal flapping in the wind in between chords. It's just so cool. Night Verses might be the only instrumental band I've ever really fallen in love with and I'm totally ok with that.

I should really just wait until Boundaries releases their new album next week, but YOLO. The three singles they have put out are just too good. Boundaries have double down on the heaviness with these tracks, and in doing so have maximized the contrast between the brutal and melodic parts of their sound. The heavy parts are blistering, and the choruses are succinct and effective in their ability to inject a quick blast of relief into the storm. Matt and Tim are also possibly my favourite duo of vocalists in metalcore right now. They are both just so distinct and powerful in their own right, and compliment each other so well. I didn't even realize that Tim is also the drummer until watching their music video a few days ago, so I have gained a whole new level of respect for his cleans.

A new album from One Step Closer has probably been my single most anticipated piece of news ever since their EP Songs for the Willow swept me off my feet in early 2023. That EP showed a distinct shift in their sound in a more melodic direction, and the result was three of their most memorable and interesting songs to date. This new album so far seems to indicate an even further push into pop punk territory and it is a welcome change for me. OSC are at their best when their hearts are on their sleeve, and this new track is oozing in heart. Honestly getting some Separation era Balance and Composure vibes from this song which I absolutely love. This album is coming out a week after the new Like Moths to Flames album which is insane. We gonna be eating good in May.

This new album by Irish folk musician Sam Lee really came out of left field and took me by surprise. I honestly only checked it out because the album art gave me weird Shire Hobbit vibes, and I was pleased when I played the first track and my initial thought was "yup... Hobbit music". I don't listen to a lot of folk music, and when I do, it doesn't sound anything like this. This album is just sounds very mature, and I don't mean that in an egotistical way. I mean it in the way where it sounds like there's some type of ancient wisdom or energy seeping through the cracks of Sam's deep storytellers voice and the thoughtfully dramatic arrangement of instruments. This is one of the most unique albums I'll listen to this year, and I'm glad I took a gamble on it.

A new Greyhaven single also dropped today, and good lord the reception has been nothing but praise. This band has not dropped the ball at all. This Bright and Beautiful World was one of my top 5 or 10 albums of 2022, and this new song is one hundred percent on par with, if not better than the best parts of that record. They are releasing a new 5 song EP on April 12th, thru their new home of Sharp Tone Records. I'm not even mad that it's not a full length, because the quality of this song is so promising. Spiritbox's The Fear of Fear honestly changed my perception about what an EP could accomplish, and now I am hyped at the prospect of a band I love putting out 4 to 6 tracks solid tracks with NO FILLER. The replay value is gonna be huge.

Poisoned Seeds are a local band, and I'm super excited about them right now. They are one of the few really good bands in the scene right now that are drawing more influence from 90s and early 2000s melodic hardcore and metalcore bands. I think it's fairly obvious by now that I love melodic bands, so I'm always hyped when there are people in my own back yard providing that sound at a local level. Guitarist and main song writer Avrinder Dhillon personally cited Shai Hulud as an influence, and I think they provide a great reference for how Poisoned Seeds implement melody into their riffs and vocals with a tasteful subtlety while maintaing an essence that is tough as nails.

[arkive78]

I can’t just listen to these songs I have to be able to touch them and EAT them!!!

GUERRILLA HAS NO RIGHT TO BE THIS POPPING LIKE DAMN, the build up to the chorus and the bridge is so fucking good

Cyberpunk is literally perfect, exactly what I imagined it’s just so cool

The fact that Sector 1 has been written since Answer era absolutely GUTS me because you’re telling me that masterpiece has been HIDING FROM ME?????

Overall an excellent album and the songs flows together perfectly in their vibe and storytelling, like I wholeheartedly believe these boys are starting a revolution like let’s gO MFS

[sluggmuffin]

I recently went to my local theater and watched the newsies off-broadway and here are things I loved.

STOP CUZ -ALMOST ALL OF THE SONGS SOUNDED WAY BETTER THAN THE BROADWAY VERSION -CRUTCHY HAD A LISP AND IT WASNT HIS ACTOR, HE DID THE LISP ON PURPOSE BUT DIDNT HAVE A REAL ONE??? BUT IT ADDED SO MUCH TO HIS CHARACTER!?!?!? -JACK SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE JEREMY JORDAN. -IDENTICAL -LONG HAIRED SPOT SUPREMACY?!?!? -HE HAD LONG HAIR AND WAS STILL OUR SHORT KING BUT I LOVED HIM!?!?!? HIS HAIR!?!?!? HE TOOK OFF HIS HAT AND BAM IT WAS JUST HAIR!! PERFECTION IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU -The tap in king of new york??? Perfection. THEY WERE ALL SYNCHRONIZED AND THE SOUND FILLED UP THE THEATER -THE BOWERY BEAUTIES WERE PoC -SWEET JESUS MY BROTHER IN CHRIST MEDDA WAS STUNNING

-They went by the original movie and called her Medda Larkson instead of Larkin -ANGELIC VOICE AND SHE WAS GORGEOUS!?!?!? -MEDDA PERFORMED WITH BOWERY BEAUTIES -GIRL NEWSIES- THATS IT. FEMALE NEWSIES -IK I KINDA ALREADY SAID THIS BUT WHEN THE ENSEMBLE NEWSIES HARMONIZED?!!?!? *CHEFS KISS* -YK THAT PART IN THE BROADWAY VERSION WHEN KATHERINE AND JACK ARE SINGING SOMETHING TO BELIEVE IN AND WE THINK THEYRE GONNA KISS BUT THEY HUG? IN THIS VERSION THEY KISSED -JEREMY JORDAN GETS MADE FUN OF BECAUSE HE WOULD HARDLY DANCE DURING THE NUMBERS BUT THIS JACK DANCED AND HE WAS GOOD AT IT TOO -THE GUY WHO PLAYED SPOT LOOKED AT ME WHEN I YELLED HIS NAME AND HE WAVED AT ME (This was towards the end when they were goofing off and leaving the stage, don't come at me) -no cuz I've never cried when watching newsies but something abt watching it in person made me tear up so much bc it's like the emotion radiated off the walls

[im-in-vin-ci-ble]

Bestieee~ This is long but can I request a Mark x fem reader where he’s dating eve and readers a strong solo hero who happens to catch his eye after finding out she works with cecil and they officially meet when Cecil sends her out to help Atom eve and Mark with a villain and after instead of helping his gf he introduces himself to reader and gets all nervous and she finds and calls him really cute so she asks if he’s taken and he says no and she tells him to give her a call if they ever wanna go out together, eve asks what was that about (she didn’t hear the convo) he says nothing and they go home and sooner or later reader and mark hook up leading to them falling for each and catching feelings and one day they took it to the next level and it’s was very heated and they end up confessing and having another heated make out session only for eve to come and find them in the act and she’s heartbroken and argues with Mark infront of reader, eventually eve storms out but mark doesn’t go after her he apologizes to reader that he lied and she’s okay with it and they stay together

(It can be as explicit as you want and can Marks parents really adore reader and they also go to the same school, I’m sorry this is so long 🥲)

A/N: omg hey bestie so sorry this took a while! this was loooooong and is the last request in my inbox before Love They Neighbour 2!

Pairing: Mark Grayson x Fem!Reader

Rating: Explicit AF

Warnings: smut!! on!! smut!! cheating, swearing, angst, etc

Summary: You captivated Mark the moment you swooped in to help, but he should have been more honest with you before things got intense.

As you landed the final hit on the last Mauler twin standing, you watched as he fell on the pavement and created a crater around his gigantic blue being. You let out a sigh of exhaustion when your feet touched back on the ground, relieved that it was done and over with.

"Excuse me?"

You turned around and saw Invincible hovering towards you, his blue and yellow suit tarnished from the action.

"Hi, sorry, I should have introduced myself before I jumped in," you said, walking to where he landed. "Cecil sent me here."

"Oh... so you, uh, work for the GDA," he replied feebly.

"I do, just started actually," you informed him.

"That was..." he pointed at the knocked out Mauler twin, "that was a nice blow."

You crossed your brows, "I'm sorry?"

"Sorry! No! I meant... I meant..." he stuttered. "Like that was... t-that was a good... hit! A good hit!" Mortified, he placed his hand on his forehead and shook his head, and you could swear there was a tinge of pink creeping up on his cheeks.

You laughed at the boy, who is one of the strongest people on this planet, as he fell apart in front of you. "Thank you," you simply replied, keeping it short to keep him from feeling more embarrassed. "Anyway, I should report back—"

"I'm Invincible," he cut you off, reaching his hand out.

You looked down at his hand that was trembling, then back up to his face that still had that smile on. "I'm Y/N," you replied with your superhero name, shaking his hand slowly.

"Shit, I just realized I cut you off," he suddenly said, placing his hand on his forehead again. "I was gonna say thank you for helping Atom Eve and I out with the twins but I just got so caught up in my own thoughts that I..." he trailed off, "that I started rambling. Shit, sorry."

"Don't worry about it," you responded with an audible giggle, "I'll let it pass because you're cute."

His lips formed into a wide smile, "You... You think I'm cute?"

"I do," you nodded, biting your lower lip. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"No!" he exclaimed almost immediately. "No, no, I... I'm not."

"Well do you maybe wanna go out some time?" you asked. "Our dating pool is quite limited and I think you're probably the best catch out there right now."

"I-I would love to," he stammered as he fumbled to get his phone, which is miraculously still in tact, out of his pocket. "Give me your number, I'll text you!"

As you typed your phone number on the screen, you looked up at his face that was beaming with so much excitement, his mask could have melted off. You swiftly returned his phone and winked, "Call me," and you flew off — that was a good exit.

His eyes followed you as you zoomed away, and his head began thinking of all the things he can/should say in his first text to you.

"Mark," a female voice broke his daydream, "what was that all about?"

He turned around and saw Eve, his girlfriend, standing there with an unsuspicious look on her face. "Nothing," he lied, clearing his throat. "Let's go home, I'm ready to just lay on my bed."

— — —

After going out on two (secret) study dates together, Mark finally accepted that he was in deep shit. He paced around his bedroom as he waited for you to come in through the window, internally panicking at two things: one, that he's catching real feelings for you and two, that Eve will find out.

"I can't lie to Eve forever, she'll know something's up," he mumbled to himself as he walked back and forth.

A soft gust of wind caught his attention and he looked up to see you gently closing his bedroom window. You cheerfully greeted him but the smile on your face quickly disappeared upon seeing the worried look on his.

"Is everything okay?" you asked.

"Yeah, I'm just, um..." he trailed off, looking up at the ceiling, "stressed about art class."

"Well I don't know how your class does it but it sounds like they're really giving you guys a tough time out there," you replied, moving close enough to him to wrap your arms around his neck.

He responded by placing his arms around your waist and pulling you closer. "It's a killer," he lied.

"Well you look like you need a stress reliever," you said in a low voice, leaning in to give him gentle kisses on the neck. "And I think I know just the thing," you added in a whisper.

Your lips on his neck sent shots of electricity up Mark's spine and his grip around your waist tightened. He used one hand to move your face back up across his and he immediately began kissing you, each one more deeper and more passionate than the last. He guided the both of you to his bed where you landed in synchronicity, and his hands were quick to pull up your shirt and unbutton your shorts.

"Mark, hey," you pulled away. "Are you okay?"

He took a deep breath, "Mmhm, I just need you right now."

The redness and look of restraint in his face was, admittedly, driving you crazy too; you resumed kissing him and proceeded to take off his clothes — which were luckily just a T-shirt and shorts — and his hand moved up and down your back until he decided to unhook your bra. He pulled away from your lips and dived down to your chest, sucking on your perky nipples as his one hand rubbed circles over your damp center. He was sending you into a frenzy and when you finally found the strength to speak, it was just his name.

"I need you right now," he repeated as he placed himself on top of you and stripped you of your last article of clothing.

Mark reached over to his bedside table and rolled down a condom in what seemed like mere seconds. Lining himself up to your entrance, you caught a glimpse of his throbbing cock as he fully slid himself inside you. A low moan escaped from both your lips while you adjusted to his length, and he slowly began picking up a rhythm and a steady pace. He leaned down and gave you a sloppy kiss as he moved with more force and speed, his fingers tangling with yours while you both lost yourself to each other.

"I need you," he moaned, "I need you right now."

You kissed him once more and replied breathily, "I'm right here. Fuck, Mark, I'm right here."

Keeping his forehead against yours and his speed and strength building up, he said the two words that brought you crumbling:

"Cum. Now."

The force, the rhythm, and the authority in his voice pushed you over edge. Your thighs tensed then weakened as you entered a whole new state of euphoria, and your soft moans together in the air sounded like a warm, harmonic song. Mark felt himself let go inside you and his pace slowed down to sporadic thrusts until he rolled over next to you, the both of you panting from all the emotions.

"Holy fuck," you said shakily. "That was..."

"Insane," he finished for you as he pulled the condom away and threw it to what he hoped was his trash bin.

"Mmhm," you whispered before turning your head to look at him.

You watched as Mark caught his breath, his sweaty and toned chest moving up and down. He extended his arm above you and you scooted closer, resting your head on his shoulder and placing your hand on his heaving his chest. You laid there in silence, the only audible noise being the humming of the air-conditioner.

"Y/N, I need to tell you something," Mark finally said.

"Yes?" you asked, tracing circles on his chest with your fingertip.

"I don't know how to say it," he started. "So I'm just going to. Don't freak out, please. And if you do, will you let me know so I can—"

"Mark," you cut him off, "just tell me."

He took a deep breath, "I think I'm falling in love with you."

"Really?" you giggled.

"Yeah, really," he replied. "It's cool if you don't... you know, feel the same way or whatever."

You chuckled and planted a tender kiss on his lips. "I feel too, you know," you said. "But I'm glad you said it first."

"Why?" he asked with a smile.

"Because," you shrugged. "If somebody asks, I can tell them you were the first one to break."

Mark laughed and began attacking you with kisses — on your neck, your cheeks, you forehead, your ears, your nose, anywhere he could plant one. You giggled as you tried to get away, feigning weakness while you enjoyed the moment. He finally managed to land a long one your lips, and that one kiss re-energized the heat you were just feeling earlier. His one hand gently cusped your breasts in turns, and you retaliated by rolling on top of him and moving his hands down to your ass. You moaned as Mark gave you a gentle squeeze, and he guided your hips to slowly move against him.

"God, I need you so bad," he said in between kisses.

"I'm all yours, baby," you responded quietly. "All yours, alw—"

"Mark?"

His focus shattered as that familiar voice rang in his ear. You quickly rolled off him, covering yourself with the blanket and looking up at a hovering Eve. Mark grabbed his shorts and quickly put them back on before walking towards Eve, extending his arms out in an attempt to keep her calm.

"Eve, before you say anything—"

"I can't believe you!" she yelled, the tears starting to roll down her cheeks. "I can't believe you would do this to me! I trusted you! I trusted her!" she added, pointing at you.

"Eve, she didn't know. Leave her out of this," Mark replied sternly, lowering his arms. "This is between you and me."

She slowly landed back down on the floor but didn't move a step; Eve was paralyzed with anger and sadness, bu mostly the former. "Why?"

"Look, Eve," he turned to look at you and returned his attention to his sobbing girlfriend. "I'm sorry I lied to you. But the truth is I just... I just stopped loving you. I haven't... loved you for a while now."

"And you couldn't be honest with me?" she asked.

"No, I couldn't," Mark answered, "and I'm sorry you had to find out this way. This is on me, okay?"

Eve sniffled, "Why did you stop loving me?"

"All we did was fight, Eve," he sighed, "all we did was fight and yell at each other until we got so tired of yelling, we'd just fall asleep. Then the next morning it's like nothing happened."

She sniffled and shook her head, still refusing to believe this was happening.

"We never solved anything. We never apologized to each other. It's like we were just staying together for the sake of it, or so that no one in the team could shit on us if we broke up," Mark added. "I'm sorry, Eve. I never meant for it to play out like this."

Eve looked up at him with a stone face, her eyes red and puffy. "I'm gonna fly out of that window, And if you don't follow, it means that you don't wanna solve this," she said, sniffling and pointing at his open bedroom window. "Make your choice, Mark."

He watched as he left her bedroom, the soft gust of wind flipping some of his comic books open. Mark walked towards the window and stared at Eve, who was now flying further and further away. When he could no longer see her silhouette in the sky, he shut his window.

"Mark, aren't you...?"

"No," he shook his head, "I didn't mean for this but I meant what I said to Eve."

He turned around and sat on the edge of the bed, keeping his eyes glued to the floor. "Y/N, I owe you an apology too," he sighed. "I should have told you about Eve. I should have broken it off with her before I started anything with you."

"Mark..."

He finally looked up at you, "I'm sorry, Y/N. I didn't want you to get caught in the middle of this." He sighed again, "I understand if you want to go and never talk to me again because I'm a total piece of shit. But please know I didn't want this to happen."

You sat there and stared at him — Invincible didn't look so invincible right now; he was ashamed and angry at himself. The teenage boy arrogantly flying through the skies like it was no big deal was sitting across you, defeated from the stupid decisions he admittedly made. There was a mixture of fear and embarrassment and sadness and guilt in his eyes, and he was ready for you to just get dressed and leave.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"W... What?"

You shook your head and moved next to him, keeping the blanket over your chest. "I forgive you," you explained to him. "What you did was shitty, yeah, but we all make mistakes. I know I've made my fair share."

"But this was a really big mistake," he said.

"I know," you replied, "but at least you can admit to it and learn from it."

He sighed, "You know, I meant what I said to you earlier... about me... you know, falling in love with you."

"I believe you, and I meant it too.”

You lied back down on the bed and patted the empty space next to you. Mark took up your offer and wrapped you in his arms, his nose buried in your hair as he kept you close to him.

“I promise I will never hurt you like this,” he whispered.

“I know.”

[adorethedistance]

A Pretty Good Bad Idea - Owen Joyner x Reader

JATP masterlist

Warnings: swearing, peer pressure kinda, very mild n fluffy

Words: 1865

Summary: Touring with the Julie and The Phantoms cast as a dancer has been the best time of your life, and the only thing that could make it better is the reciprocated affections of a cute, blond drummer.

A/N: So this piece is 1) inspired by this interview and 2) entirely self indulgent. It’s something I haven’t been able to get out of my mind every time I’m doing warm ups, and putting it down on ,, digital paper is my only way to get rid of it lmao. I hope y’all enjoy bc I know this scenario makes me really happy and I love sharing my joy with y’all.

I let out an involuntary whine when I roll forward into my almost-center splits. My hips are so sore from yesterday’s performance I had to force myself to start stretching in the first place. Getting a head start, I arrived at the concert venue an hour earlier than call time to get my lengthy stretching routine out of the way before the other girls show up. Slowly but surely, the rest of the dancers arrived and we began getting ready together.

“I have a speaker!” Tori announces to the room upon entering which makes me jump up from my seat.

“Yes! May I do the honors and bless y’all with my musical theatre playlist?” The rest of the group cheers, exposing themselves for the theatre kids that we are. After hearing the chime that signifies the speaker-phone pairing, a few seconds pass before “Cell Block Tango” begins to play. The entire group feigns outrage but we know all the words and soon indulge in such shameful pandering. A good pre-show playlist is what really gets me amped up for performing and after yesterday’s queue of ‘today’s hits’ pop, the musical theatre is a nice change of pace.

Since I’d gotten here so early, I decided to do my makeup before stretching and I still had time to spare. The only thing left for me to do was to get in costume but I’d wait until a little closer to showtime so that I could still eat and drink for the time being. This also meant I was free to roam and bother other people as they got ready, doing what I’d done almost an hour ago.

“So, Y/n?”

“Hm?”

“What’s going on with you and Owen?” I feel my breathing halt for a microsecond before looking up at, one of the other dancers and also my friend, Ella. My eyebrows are cinched in confusion as I try my best to figure out what it is she’s getting at.

“I don’t know, Ella. What is going on with me and Owen?”

“Oh come on. Your Instagram story from yesterday?” Oh. That.

“We just went to lunch?” I seemingly ask more than state.

“Yeah. Just the two of you. Don’t hold out on us, we wanna know what’s going on!”

“Really, Ella, there’s nothing going on. We’re just getting to know each other better.”

“Just getting to know each other better? Or getting to know each other better?” Tori butts in, dusting her cheeks with a subtle highlight.

“The first one?”

“How many times have you hung out?”

“Just the once.”

“Are you planning another date?”

“It wasn’t a date-”

“Do you want us to help wingman you?”

“I really don’t-”

“Hey.” The rapid-fire of questions cease when the gang of us look up to see Owen himself standing in the doorway.

“Speak of the devil,” Tori snickers as the rest of the girls slowly disperse and smugly resume doing their makeup. Owen makes a face in reaction to her comment but chooses not to pry.

“Could I borrow some hairspray? This one piece of hair won’t stay.” Despite each of the girls having a full can of hairspray on hand, nobody makes a move to give him the product, indicating that I should be the one to help him out. Rolling my eyes at the look Ella is giving me through the mirror, I stand from my chair and hand Owen the can of hairspray. He then looks straight ahead and moves to use the product but I stop him before he can.

“What’s your plan?”

“What?”

“Are you just gonna spray the piece?”

“...yeah?”

“That’s not gonna work since the rest of your hair already has product in it. Can I help you?” Owen nods amiably and takes a seat after I gesture for him to sit in my chair. I then realize my mistake as I need the comb on the grey countertop, and have to consequently reach past Owen in a way that wouldn’t be so compromising had I not worn such a low-cut top. Thankfully it’s over as fast as it began, and walking to the sink in the corner of the dressing room, I run the cool water over the bristles. It isn’t until I turn off the tap that I notice how eerily quiet the room had gotten. None of the girls are talking, attentively studying my every move as I cross back to Owen.

“Is this Chicago?”

“Uh, yeah, We’re listening to my musical theatre playlist though, not the whole soundtrack,” I respond in spite of the nervous laugh that falls from my lips. The slight slouch in Owen’s posture doesn’t help me to see what I’m doing clearly enough. Using my index finger and an upturned palm, I tilt his chin up to get a better look at his hair, willfully ignoring the fact that he’s staring at me right now.

Still, silence fills the room as I take the wet comb through the front section of his hair where the stubborn strand won’t stay put. Once the water binds the pieces together, I grab my can of hairspray and struggle to uncap it. The outside is slick from god knows what, but thankfully Owen doesn’t let me struggle anymore and holds up his hands to wordlessly offer his help. I hand him the can, and he pops the top off after barely struggling. Handing the can back to me, he holds onto the lid, and the entire exchange remains completely silent.

I have to work quickly in my next step, but it’s not enough to distract from the fact that everyone in the room is watching me intently. Holding the aerosol can away from the crowd of people, I put some of the product on the comb and quickly work it into Owen’s hair while it’s still wet. Once the comb has formed his hair to my liking, I stop brushing it through in fear of the now dry hairspray ruining the shape. Then, I use my left hand to shield Owen’s eyes from getting any product in them before spraying the offending area to seal in my hard work.

The sound of a cell door sliding closed signifies the end of the song, and I wait for a second, eagerly anticipating the next song to play. Upon hearing the staccato piano notes of “Bad Idea” from Waitress, a smile appears on my face.

“I love this song.” Lunging back on my right leg, I create a little distance between us to make sure I didn’t completely butcher the rest of his hair, singing as I do.

“It’s a bad idea, me and you.”

“I know, I totally agree.” Pleasantly surprised by his joining in, my smile grows bigger.

“It’s a bad idea, me and you.”

“I’ve never known anything so true-”

“It’s a terrible idea, me and you.” The effortlessness that the two of us find in harmonizing is a genuine shock and an absolute thrill all at once. Once Owen sees how excited I am by his joining in me, it’s like a switch had been flipped; the two of us immediately slip into Actor Mode and begin to sing the song as if we were performing it on a Broadway stage.

“You have a wife.” I take a small step back out of the character’s hesitation.

“You have a husband.” Owen mirrors my action.

“You’re my doctor-” I cross my arms across my chest, but release my right hand to gesture to Owen standing in front of me.

“You’ve got a baby coming-” He uses both hands to gesture back to me in my ‘pregnant’ state.

“It’s a bad idea, me and you,” the two of us turn slightly away from facing one another in false bashfulness. When the music picks up, the two of us avidly step toward one another to come together. In perfect synchronization, I grab Owen’s forearms and his hands face upwards to hold onto my elbows.

“Let’s just keep kissing ‘til we come to.”

“Heart, stop racing, let’s face it-” Owen pivots his step out to the side to face forward, extending his right arm which cues me to turn into him and take his other hand to spin out.

“Making mistakes like this will make worse what is already pretty bad.” Then he extends his right arm forward, and I turn into him once again.

“Mind, stop running. It’s time we just let this thing go.” Instead of spinning out again, I stop in front of him where he wraps both of his arms around me.

“It was a pretty good bad idea,” in our harmony I cast my gaze upward to see Owen staring right back down at me, and I feel like I’m seeing stars, “Wasn’t it though?”

The two of us continue dancing and singing with one another as if the rest of the world doesn’t exist. It’s only the two of us, here and now. The other girls in the room don’t miss the way I seem to smile like never before, and I sure as hell don’t miss the way my stomach fills with butterflies. When he holds me so close and dear for each intimate moment of the song, I’m seeing stars. A bold happiness consumes me, the same happiness I felt when Owen and I laughed over lunch in that small pizzeria.

The final harmony draws the song to a close and when it finishes, the two of us fall into a breathless kind of laughter.

“I didn’t take a big enough breath for that last part.”

“Me neither.”

“Your hair stayed intact.”

“I must have a pretty good stylist.”

After recovering from our laughter the two of us wind up in a palpable stupor as we stare into one another’s eyes. A few blinks and my trance is broken, I become aware of our surroundings.

“I should get dressed soon, and you definitely need to get dressed.” Owen nods still somewhat breathless.

“Yeah. See you later for pulse?”

“Save me a spot,” I joke as he backs out of the threshold of our dressing room. Leaning against the doorframe I watch him disappear into his assigned dressing room with a small smile still lingering on my features.

“Just getting to know each other my ass!”

“What the heck was that?”

“Are you sure you don’t want us to wingman you?”

“Do you even need a wingman after something like that?”

Turning on my heel, I face the bunch of insatiable dancers and shake my head in disbelief.

“We were just acting, you guys.”

“Liar.”

“Excuse me?”

“Maybe you were acting, but he sure as hell wasn’t. Did you see the way he was looking at you? He is totally in love with you.” Ella shakes me by my shoulders.

“He’s just a really good performer is all.”

“When is your next date?” she completely ignores me.

“Okay-”

“Oh, and I want to be the maid of honor at your wedding-”

“It was just a song, Ella.”

“-Oh my god you guys are gonna have the cutest kids! I mean, your hair with his eyes and cheekbones? Ahh! The cutest.”

***

A/n: the way that being on tour isn’t the most unrealistic part of this fic, but instead Owen actually knowing the lyrics is? Work diva.

Taglist: @caitsymichelle13​ @kaitlyn2907​ @itz-jas​ @crybabyddl​ @kcd15​ @kinda-really-lost​ @calamitykaty​ @morganayenneferburnham​ @n0wornever​ @dream-a-little-bigger-x​ @mrstodorooki @vicesvsvirturesfanfic @curlybrownhairedboys​ @amazinggracy​ @kaitieskidmore1​ @asdfghjkl-fanfics​ @ghostlygreenbean​ @juliefromaustralia @merceret​ @jemimah-b99​ @ifilwtmfc​ @thesweetestsinner​ @imsydneywalker​ @lovesanimals​ @thebloodthirstyvampress​ @bumbleberry-pie​ @losers-club6​ @tefilovesreading​ @dmcfarland1​@joynerxmercer @kexrtiz​ @talk-on-the-street​ @phantompogues​ @konciousdreamer​ @sunsetcurvej​ @warmnesss0ul​ @celestialmolina​ @lilyjoyner​ 

[feralphoenix]

NO ONE IS HAPPY WITH THIS: Leitmotif & Sound Palette In “Sealed Vessel”

whats UP hk fandom i am back with—“more picante takes?” WOW YES HOW DID YOU KNOW!!!

CONTENT WARNING FOR TONIGHTS PROGRAM: today we are discussing the hollow knight boss fight, and all that entails for all the characters involved. relatedly this post does not have anything nice to say about the pale king, so if you’re very protective of his character, you may want to skip it.

FURTHERMORE, i would like to iterate that this essay is working from a place of compassion for ghost, hollow, radiance, AND hornet, because every single one of them is miserable at this point in the game and doesn’t want the events of this boss fight to be happening at all. this post is not an appropriate place to dunk on ANY of them. if you want to do that, please do it elsewhere.

thanks for your understanding.

ALSO, AS USUAL: if youre from a christian cultural upbringing (whether currently practicing, agnostic/secular, or atheist now), understand that some of what i’m discussing here may challenge you. if thinking thru the implications of radiance and the moth tribe’s backstory is distressing for you, PLEASE only approach this essay when youre in a safe mindset & open to listening, and ask the help of a therapist or anti-racism teacher/mentor to help you process your thoughts & feelings. just like keep in mind that youre listening to an ethnoreligiously marginalized person and please be respectful here or wherever else youre discussing this dang essay, ty

NO ONE IS HAPPY WITH THIS: Leitmotif & Sound Palette In “Sealed Vessel”

A while back @grimmradiance​ made a lovely essay about comparing and contrasting Hollow’s moveset in their Hollow Knight and Pure Vessel boss fights and using what can be gleaned from the differences to speculate about their psychology. (This essay is currently their pinned, but I’ll attach a link in a reblog.) It is extremely good, and it made me want to look at the Hollow Knight boss fight my own self through one of my own areas of expertise, meaning music!

As we are all well aware, Christopher Larkin's soundtrack to Hollow Knight rules ass. There are two specific ways in which it rules ass that are relevant to this essay: Leitmotif, and sound palette.

Quick rundown for folks who aren’t familiar with these terms: A leitmotif is a melody associated with a character or event or mood that's incorporated into songs in different ways based on what's happening in the story. Undertale is an example of a game with an incredibly strong use of leitmotif that’s really only possible because Toby Fox is both the composer and the game creator, so he can synchronize the subtleties of the writing with music and scene scripting too.

The phrase “sound palette” can have a lot of meanings, but in this case I’m using it to refer to specific instruments or groups of instruments that are associated with certain characters. If you’ve watched Steven Universe and seen interviews/production commentary by its composer team Aivi & Surasshu, you’ll hear them talking about part of their approach to scoring episodes being how each main character is represented by certain instruments: Steven with the triangle wave, Pearl with jazz piano, and so on.

Hollow Knight is a small team project rather than a one-person show, so Christopher Larkin can’t go quite AS over-the-top with leitmotif integration as Toby Fox can on simple virtue of Team Cherry having to communicate what they want to him. But Larkin is Hollow Knight's sound designer as well as its composer, so he folds leitmotif and character sound palette together with striking use of stems to create a very immersive and cinematic musical experience that enhances HK’s story and gameplay.

This brings us back to the track Sealed Vessel, which has EXTREMELY tight and cinematic sound design and uses leitmotif and sound palette to not just sock players in the feelings during a charged and dramatic boss fight, but also tell us a lot about what Hollow and Radiance are experiencing emotionally, especially with the gameplay in mind.

So, let’s play the soundtrack version of Sealed Vessel (and some other stuff) and talk about what’s going on in the game during it!

You may want to get out your copy of the OST or visit Christopher Larkin’s Bandcamp page so that you can listen along.

LEITMOTIF & SOUND PALETTE

Before we actually get into analyzing Sealed Vessel, let’s talk about the involved characters’ leitmotifs/sound palettes so we know what we’re listening for.

Both of these things are easiest to identify when characters have a distinct theme song. Ghost does not. However, the main theme of Hollow Knight (see: the title track, Hollow Knight) is used as a leitmotif for the vessels as a whole. Most pieces involved with a vessel character include this leitmotif somewhere. For instance, you can find this leitmotif and variations on it in Broken Vessel’s boss theme. The Vessel leitmotif is led by a cello solo here, so we can identify that the cello is the central part of Broken Vessel’s personal sound palette.

When the Vessel theme is associated with Ghost in specific, it tends to be performed by viola and/or piano, as it is on the title track and in other places like the opening cinematic.

Moving on to Hollow, their specific sound palette is established not in Sealed Vessel but in Pure Vessel, their pantheon boss theme. (Sealed Vessel was composed first, since the Godmaster DLC didn’t drop until over a year after HK’s initial release, meaning Pure Vessel was reverse-engineered/extrapolated from relevant parts of Sealed Vessel. But we’ll get into that later!)

The major instrumental fixtures in Pure Vessel are choir and tubular bells (i.e., those dramatic vertical fellas that sound like church bells or a carillon), with some soft background instrumentation: bass drum, woodwinds (appropriately led by flute in the main melody’s “falling motion” - flute is the centerpiece of TPK’s sound palette), strings, and high/mid brass. Hollow’s overall sound palette has a very Christian choir-esque sound (in the Pure Vessel theme this is very idealized and saintly: soft and slow and tragic) and the beginning of their leitmotif has a very distinctive climbing melody that mirrors their ascent from the Abyss. The Unbearable Vesselness Of Being leitmotif is absent from the Pure Vessel track.

Meanwhile, Radiance’s boss theme is a very fun expression of her character upon which Larkin evidently went ham. Her sound palette is expressed through full orchestra (plus choir and pipe organ) that has a special emphasis on the bass part of the brass section, which does not see much use in the HK soundtrack. Her leitmotif has also got cute and distinctive touches: It’s full of triplets to match her tiara-looking antennae, and also has a repeated “fluttery” pattern of background sixteenth notes as countermelody, often spiraling downwards.

The majority of the piece is loud and bombastic and in a minor key to play up the “resplendent and terrible” wrathful aspect of herself Radi is pushing during this section of gameplay, a very quintessentially moth intimidation tactic: Try to look as scary as possible to keep your enemies from messing with you, since you’re not built for fighting. These blasts of intensity from the brass section match Radiance’s strategy of Overwhelm You With Bullet Hell Spam To Make Up For Lack Of Battle Experience/Poor Aim. But in between said intensity spikes you can hear traces of softer instrumentation and major key, little glimpses of a gentle warmth we can otherwise only infer from her backstory and the implications of Moth Tribe lore.

0:00 - 0:41 - OPENING AMBIANCE

The Sealed Vessel track begins with the ambiance of the Black Egg Temple’s interior: The faint tones of the glowing seals we hear when we pass by them, the only light in a pitch-black world besides the floor lighting up under Ghost’s feet.

Then a slow string tremolo fades in, slowly growing louder. In the track new notes join the tremolo progressively, while in-game a violin joins the anticipatory chord every time you snap one of Hollow’s chains. Which, may I say: A+++++++ sound design!!!!!! Rules ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The tremolo reaches a peak in dynamics - all three characters present are extremely tense - and then cuts off to allow for Hollow’s boss battle opening, i.e. Radiance screaming. Team Cherry kindly demarcates each phase of the battle with a Radi yell.

0:43 - 1:39 - PHASE 1: HOLLOW ON AUTOPILOT

Phase 1 opens immediately with Hollow’s leitmotif in bells, but with brass, piano, and percussion backing them up; grand and tragic. In the background the bass section of the orchestra's strings flutter in a repetitive pattern of 16th notes, i.e. Panicky Radi Noises. The violins harmonize with Hollow's leitmotif as it climbs, but then join the rest of the string section in fluttering 16th notes, transmuting what in Pure Vessel is the flute leading Hollow back down (8th notes) to a slightly louder “a” from the backseat.

In actual gameplay, the only attacks Hollow uses are their basic nail skills. Building on grimmradiance’s analysis of the window their attacks provide to their psychology, and pairing that with the Pure Vessel leitmotif booming over the metaphorical loudspeakers, we can tell that this is Hollow reacting automatically to a threat the way that their father trained them to. Their conscious mind might still be making dialup noises at Ghost’s sudden reappearance jumpscaring them with murky childhood guilt and trauma, but that’s only let muscle memory take over. Slash, parry, charge and thrust. Their time spent at bee bootcamp (which we can assume because Hornet was trained at the Hive and Hollow’s form while nail fighting is identical to hers on their shared moves) has served them well.

Radiance, meanwhile, has frozen completely for this combat phase, and contributes nothing here except the anxiety of the string section.

As the strings continue to go “a” the piano (Ghost) and woodwinds harmonize on something between Hollow’s personal leitmotif and the Vessel leitmotif in the backdrop.

However at around 1:29ish, the key changes, building into an overall color change for the Sealed Vessel piece.

1:39 - 2:15 - PHASE 2: SHE’S AS SCARED OF YOU AS YOU ARE OF HER

In actual gameplay, the part of Sealed Vessel used for phases 1 and 2 of the Hollow Knight fight is the Entirety of 0:43 - 2:15, possibly because there’s no easy transition spot like there is between phase 2 and phase 3. But the changes to Hollow’s moveset are clearly tied to this specific part of the piece.

Phase 2 is where Radiance pushes herself past her freeze response and starts trying to hit Ghost. Hollow gains two attacks here, which we can tell are Radi because they’re often accompanied by her crying (a softer and more abbreviated sound than her full scream): These two attacks are the Infection blob blast and the Light/Void pillar attack that hits for a full 2 masks damage (which appear to be Radi’s take on Hollow’s Pure Vessel-exclusive moves, their grabby tentacles & silver knife pillars respectively).

In the Sealed Vessel track, this part of the piece is almost entirely Radiance’s fluttering. The strings start by following the descending motion of Hollow’s leitmotif but in 16th notes, then ratchet up to start spiraling down again while straying further from Hollow’s leitmotif. This section ends in a back and forth between hard blasts in a one-two-(rest)-one-two-three pattern and gasps of fluttering between, with piano and low brass building behind it. Eventually the nervous fluttering of the strings becomes less frequent between the blasts: Radiance is inexperienced with fighting and very very afraid, but she’s also FUCKING PISSED and prepared to defend herself.

The OST version of the piece punctuates the break between the first half of the piece and the second with Radiance’s scream.

2:16 - 4:04 - PHASE 3: “I’M HELPING! :)” SAID HOLLOW; “HOLY SHIT PLEASE DON’T,” SAID LITERALLY EVERYONE

Phase 3 opens with Hollow stabbing themself repeatedly, a movement pattern they repeat throughout the phase. It is shocking the first time you see it, and never stops being horrible and sad no matter how many times you do this part of the fight.

Here, Hollow’s mind has finally come back online after their own freeze response, and they choose to destroy themself and bequeath the duty of sealing Radiance to Ghost. Even if they can’t be the one to make their father proud, they can still make sure their directive gets carried out.

Radiance knows exactly what they’re up to and why, and she reacts to this by completely losing her head and mashing buttons in a panic. This is something we see out of her at the ends of her boss fights too, where she’s feeling too threatened and afraid to do anything but spam optic blasts. In the Hollow Knight boss fight this manifests in two horrifying-looking but easy-to-avoid new attacks: The Infection blob sprinkler and the ragdoll.

Ghost does not react visibly because we're in gameplay, but their horror and grief at their sibling’s choice is echoed in the BGM. The Sealed Vessel piece goes soft and sad, with Ghost’s associated viola leading the bass strings in the Unbearable Vesselness of Being leitmotif. At 2:51 the violin comes in with Hollow’s leitmotif, and gradually the choir appears in the backdrop. The ensemble’s overall dynamics build in a slow crescendo, and at the very end of this segment the other instruments begin to join in.

This segment of the piece is also used in phase 4, which occurs if you don't have Hornet’s help or miss your cue to Dream Nail Hollow. Phase 3 ends when Hollow reaches 0 HP; in phase 4 they are for all purposes already dead. But Radiance manifests an extra 250 HP out of terrified, unadulterated FUCK YOU FUCK THIS!!! even though all she can do is get Hollow to fall on their face trying to slash and ragdoll them around. The BGM continues to play as Ghost absorbs Radiance from Hollow and Hollow’s body loses its shape and dissolves into liquid Void.

And there’s one other place in gameplay Sealed Vessel (Unbearable Vesselness of Being) is used: The Path of Pain, the completely evil kaizo-level obstacle course which presumably featured in Hollow’s childhood training, and behind which the Pale King has hidden his last and most terrible secret—that he had realized on some level that Hollow was a kid with feelings who loved him and wanted to make him proud, and condemned them to death despite it all by using them to imprison and torture Radiance as he’d always planned.

The OST version of Sealed Vessel includes the music for both normal ending cinematics, so we’ll be looking at them too.

4:05 - 4:35: ENDINGS 1/2: NO ONE IS HAPPY WITH THIS

In the BGM for The Hollow Knight and Sealed Siblings endings, the Vessel leitmotif is played by violin, viola, and choir while the cellos and contrabasses—and then the brass bass section too—play a slower version of Radiance’s downward spiral. But once Ghost is pierced by the Black Egg’s chains and Radiance’s struggle to free herself ends in failure, the soprano and bass sections harmonize. The animation zooms out of the temple and the seal reforms. They are stuck together now until the end of Ghost’s life. Hooray.

The OST version of the track immediately segues into the BGM for Dream No More.

4:36 - 5:45: ENDING 3: THANKS, I HATE IT

Here, Hornet’s associated instrument, the violin, plays one long sustained note with a few notes of Ghost’s piano alongside as she wakes up.

TPK’s goddamn flute comes in at 5:00 with his leitmotif overpowering the backdrop Vessel leitmotif on piano while Hornet surveys the carnage: The temple has been destroyed, Radiance is dead, and what’s left of Ghost’s corpse is smeared across the floor. The Void may have taken umbrage with his horseshit and unceremoniously vored him, but the motherfucker still got what he wanted in the end; the Pale King has ended the Infection by completing his genocide of the moths, using the children he abused and abandoned as his proxies, and wasting two of their lives. Can I get a hearty THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in the chat.

Given that Hornet herself is canonically unsure if bringing the fight to Radiance is really a just course of action, one can only imagine how she must feel when she sees the cost of that decision.

Our only real moment of catharsis is in this shit situation comes in at 5:13, where the flute gives way to a solo from Ghost’s associated viola, playing the Vessel leitmotif as the Siblings curl up and sink back into the mountain of their corpses. Goodnight, kiddos. You deserved better, and so did literally everyone involved in this whole stupid boss fight.

This is where the OST version of Sealed Vessel ends. Even without the gameplay and story context it slaps, but now that we’ve taken a look at how this 5:45 piece is wall to wall misery and fear on the part of literally every involved character, hopefully it will have even more impact!

[mollyboughtthering]

Thank you for tagging me @odearjohn !!💖❤️

Who was your first favourite artist? I guess it was Katy Perry. I didn’t really like music in my early teens, but when I listened to Roar I just loved it, and then I stayed her fan for about a year.

Who are your current favourite artists? Beatles (my precious bugs they own my heart), Alan Parson’s Project (always), ELO, Wings and Simon and Garfunkel

Are you into musicals? Which ones?/Why not? Well I like movie musicals, i’ve watched very few theater musicals. The movies musicals I like are The Sound Of Music (perfect, amazing, indescribably bEaUtiFUL), Singing In The Rain, An American In Paris (that last dance sequence is astounding) and Disney musicals in general. Oh jesus Wizard Of Oz!!!!!!!!!!!

Are there songs you consider so special you only listen to them very rarely? There are some that make me very emotional and nostalgic, but not a lot of them. The ones that come to mind right now are Aquarela (just thinking about it makes me want to cry ughh) and Malíssimo

What's your preferred way of listening to music? (time of day, medium, situation) Lying down with headphones at night or through speakers while doing the dishes

What would you say is the most niche music you listen to? Mmmmh I don’t really know… idk if listening to Vangelis is really a niche, but it’s the closest thing to a niche music i listen to

What's your favourite music related movie/TV show that's not a musical? Phineas and Ferb lol. I’m sorry but it’s so good!!! And probably other movies but I don’t remember them right now😅 Ooh Forrest Gump’s soundtrack is amazing! And so is Guardians Of The Galaxy (it’s basically my playlist so whats not to like)!!

Albums or playlists? Both. Some musics I can’t listen to on a playlist and some I can’t stand the album so I just put it on my playlist

Favourite albums? Abbey Road, Turn Of A Friendly Card, Venus And Mars, Cloud Nine, Voulez-Vous, News Of The World, Parsley Sage Rosemary and Thyme and Synchronicity

Is there an artist you're trying to get into? Bob Dylan. I’ve been trying to listen to this man forever but I c a n ’ t.

Whose music do you find overhyped? Idk really, I usually don’t pay much attention to nowadays music. I’m mostly ok with the oldies sooo, ummm, maybe Nirvana is a bit overrated??(controversial opinion please don’t kill me)

What's an underrated song. I don’t think She’s Leaving Home is sufficiently appreciated, such a beautiful song and beautiful lyrics and beautiful harmonies an-

What's a thing a bunch of songs do that you love every time? Harmonies. Especially if it involves more than two people

What song is better acoustic? Is it lame if I say While My Guitar Gently Weeps?

What's the worst song of all time? Ooooh ughhh I don’t really know afsggshs. I don’t think it’s the worst song ever, but I HATE Sign Your Name

Do you put individual songs on repeat? If so, for how long and how often? Y e s. I get a new favorite song every month and listen to it a trillion times

Do you make your own playlists? If so, what's your most entertaining playlist title? Yeah, but I just have three and they were made so I could separate the “genres”. I’m pretty bad at titles, so the playlist where I put all the songs I like is called Favorite (really original I know), the playlist with the songs I loved as a kid is called Memory and the one where I put my favorite classical music is called Classicos Classicos (Classical Classics in english and oh jesus i’m so dumb shsgsjajaj)

Headphones or earbuds? Headphones always

Do you always sing the lead vocal or do you harmonize sometimes? If you harmonize, do you ever invent your own harmony? I can’t sing lol but when I do (and I only do when there’s nobody to witness my terrible voice) I try to do the harmony, but for the life of me I can’t make up harmonies

A music confession I like Wild Honey Pie. Yes you read it right

I’m tagging @pol-mccharmly, @sgt-revolver and anyone who wants to do it!

[yyuuna]

let her go

—in which todoroki is in complete denial

pairing: todoroki x reader

word count: 1,021

genre: angst

warning: n/a

song: ❝Let Her Go❞ by Passenger

[Well, you only need the lights when it’s burning low]

Fire cackled its way into his ears, accompanying the harmonic notes churned out by his guitar, gently escorting it to its freedom with the breeze.

Moonlight caressed his porcelain face; his expression full of contentment. Tonight was melodic as much as it was during the times they were together, perhaps even more. Swarms of fireflies flew amidst the vicinity. They were surely alluring, but their buzzing alone is enough to mark his memory.

The sakura petals laid upon his feet. Even without touching, he knew it was as soft as her dress.

He remembers how much she wanted the best tailor to sew her a velvety gown for when she gets wedded.

"I don't really care how it'll look in the end. I just want to be comfy when I wear it so I can cuddle without getting itchy from the lace."

Those were her exact words.

A smile crept up to his face, knowing that she got exactly what she desired.

Just a while ago, he saw her walk down the aisle with it trailing behind. But to him, it was the twinkle in her beam that is there for the eyes to seek. Her [h/c] locks flowed in gentle disarray. Face evident of sheer makeup that enhanced her features; from the plump lips to the tip of her nose he used to flick.

Golden sand enveloped his toes all the more as he scrunched them deeper into the ground. It had embedded too much that the water's lacy waves barely healed it. Vibrations clangored from the instrument in his hands as it synchronized with his soul.

Even the reception was the same one she dreamt of when she was younger...

Today is January eleven.

His birthday.

It was the day he promised to [name].

The day he promised to make her happy.

The day he promised to himself that no matter how far the distance between [name] and her fiancé from him, he won't chase her back because he's not in love with her.

[Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.]

Cold, dull heterochromatic eyes were set to the dancing flames. He was freezing—literally. The scorching fire nor the warmth from his quirk were little to no help with his sudden temperature drop.

Clouded breaths were puffed out the moment he freed his lips from the seal. It was akin to a kettle; letting his regret boil inside him first before releasing everything.

The guitar in his hands sang what he cannot say; those words that were formed solely from the heart. The guitar he used throughout the ceremony while a stunning woman was up there, eyeing her soon-to-be husband whose fingers were interlocked with hers.

He let his head lull backward. His eyes mirrored the diminutive, gleaming stars that swam in the black heavens.

It should've been him...If only he wasn't such a coward.

[name] was beyond elegant. A brilliance who slipped away from him so easily.

Her entire childhood, she was in love with him, while he, on the other hand, eternally has a spot in his heart for her. She was special and nobody can replace her.

[Only know you love her when you let her go.]

Feathery snow rested upon his bicolored locks. Others, sadly, settled the volatile inferno. Albeit he didn't mind that. All he felt right now was the pang in his heart.

It hurts.

Why does it ache? There's no reason for it to be that way. He was never like this before. At least not until she went away with the love of her life. With her newlywed husband. Someone who is not him.

But there's no such evidence that this is the reason. After all, he's not in love with her.

[Only know you've been high when you're feeling low.]

The once graceful plucking of strings hitched along with his breath. Cement was unmistakably drying in his chest; hence his whole demeanor has sunken. Earlier, everybody's faces displayed faint blushes and huge grins, including him; the only difference is his was only a façade.

Maybe it was because she agreed to go abroad with her husband instead of staying in Japan—where her only best friend, Shouto, is living.

Why is that? Is there part of him that she despises that made her choose her husband instead? Was being there with her for nine years not enough for her? Or perhaps it's because their bond has always been and always will be merely platonic.

That pessimism she told him to get rid of lingered there and dwelled even deeper. Will she ever visit him? If ever, how long will it take for her to do so? What if she forgets him?

He didn't want to expect anything at all, yet the yearning left his mind befuddled and vague.

[Only hate the road when you're missing home.]

There were occasions he was furious at her, for in those days where she'll be away, he couldn't harbor the idea of another company.

How can he get over her?

Shouto shut his eyes once again, attempting to suppress the heat in the corner of his eyes; pleading internally that he forgets this whole night and the forthcoming ones.

But how can he not forget something that was already locked in his heart? The way their gazes fixated on each other so frequently earlier. She was ecstatic, but what about him?

In truth, he wanted to apologize. Though they may have parted ways on good terms, he still ached to empathize with her. To explain to her that in the past, whenever he grows distant at times when she gets too close to him, it is because he's afraid of what might result to the both of them. Because he's terrified that his excuse of a father might learn about it. Because he's scared he might hurt her. Because he's fearful of what would've followed if he did something when she confessed to him. Because she loves him so much back then—because, in the first place, he's not in love with her.

[Only know you love her when you let her go.]

But I suppose the silvery liquid trailing down his cheeks says otherwise.

And that because now, he knows that he's in love with her.

[And you let her go.]

[phoenix-manga]

The Real Idols at VDC

Everyone was excited for the VDC, people who work in the media gathered at the purple stage venue to get a shot of two of the most popular models in Twisted Wonderland. The blonde -haired young man known for his beautiful yet professional attitude, Vil Schoenheit, and the black-haired boy with an adorable face that was rising in the ranks, Neige Leblanche.

The VDC was a one in a million for fans of both males, they were waiting to see what they will bring to the stage. The media only focused on those two, leaving the other participants in the shadows.

But maybe that’s a good thing, this way NRC and RSA will get the shock of their lives when certain students from an academy far off in the mountains would come and steal the spotlight from both of them.

A young lady with dark blue hair, tied in side ponytail with a feathered-crown, wearing a red, blue and yellow uniform was walking to the venue for rehearsals alongside another girl with short pinkish hair, she wore a ribbon with a crown on her head and wore a teal and dark green uniform. From around them, she kept hearing people gushing about who was going to win between Neige and Vil. With a frustrated sigh she looks at the colosseum with a look of mild annoyance.

Evonie: NRC and RSA really sure do love hogging the spotlight… I can barely remember the names of the other schools competing!

But I guess that’s just the reality of media… even though our school is a pro at these contests, people didn’t even mention DCA at all…

Allison: You sure are getting pumped up for the championship, aren’t yah Ev? Chill out, it’s not like it’s any different from our usual idol concerts at campus

It was an attempt at cooling down her dark-haired companion but it just made her more determined. As a student who was known for singing and dancing, it was expected for them to be kind of miffed if the people forget their school. But in Evonie’s case, being someone who held a seat as a top idol in DCA might have been a good reason.

The two reach the venue and shows a staff their stage pass, Allison can faintly hear the music from the person currently rehearsing. Everyone backstage was busy hyping themselves up for the competition, the sight alone sparks the Evonie’s competitive spirit.

She’ll make sure that the audience will know who the stage truly belongs to. When the person’s performance ended, a staff called their school, signaling that it was their turn to go on stage. Allison follows Evonie as they go towards the open stage onto an eager crowd.

Announcer: Next performer from Diamond Crown Academy, please enter the stage

Student A: Diamond Crown Academy?... That’s the all-girls school, right?

Student B: I know that school! That school is famous for the idol competitions on and off campus!

Student C: My sister was obsessed with one of the students of that school!

Student D: How could you not know DCA? They had a joint school festival for RSA and NRC! I was there!

The crowd was filled with murmurs and eventually they reached the ears of the NRC team. The first years held confused looks while their seniors were used to the murmuring around them, as if it was normal. From the looks of it, they seem to recognize one of the girls, Vil and Rook that is. Epel piped up and asked Rook what was the fuss all about.

Rook: DCA is an all-girls academy, although not as famous as RSA and NRC, they have an excellent reputation. The one thing that they’re famous for is their idol competitions… and it looks like we will be able to witness a spectacular show

I especially can’t wait to see how princess de pommes and lapin fougueux perform~ Her gaze carries an eternal fire, beaute!

Deuce: I haven’t heard of DCA… this is my first time hearing about them

Jamil: You freshmen only know about NRC and RSA… of course you wouldn’t know about that school…

Kalim: We know someone from that school! She’s a prin-

Jamil: You’re gonna start babbling, so shut it…

Ace: Are they really that good? Seems too good to be true, no one has said anything about DCA until now

Vil: Such uncultured potatoes, you don’t understand the standards of that academy… A variety of educational fields as well as the idol training is the hot topic amongst the girls back in Pyroxene. Although we are focused on taking down RSA’s representative, don’t underestimate them either

And the reason why we haven’t heard anything is because the audience was too busy talking about the battle between NRC and RSA, but there have been mentions of DCA in magicam.

Ace: I-Is that so?...

Rook: You’ll understand once you find out for yourself!

Vil isn’t one to give empty praises, they now know that DCA is something to consider. The first years decided to look to the stage, they will see what Vil meant when the students of DCA don’t joke around when it comes to contests like the VDC.

Announcer: Representative of Diamond Crown Academy will be performing an original song… Eternally Flickering Flame, please begin rehearsal!

The music started off with a loud blast of rock followed by a gothic symphony that captured everyone’s attention, Evonie sings the first lyrics with a loud yet harmonic tune, her movements are graceful with a hint of aggression.

When it was Allison’s turn to sing, she sang with so much energy and her dance, although not as graceful, was very cheerful and all over the place that made some of the people watching tap to the rhythm.

At the two of them were synchronized in their dance and their voices, although were a contrast, created a pleasing harmony. The first years were watching with wide-eyes, no wonder Vil said that they were not to be underestimated. They thought back to their strict training during the past weeks and they wondered how hard these girls trained to be able to give this performance.

It was already hard to sing and dance, but putting magic into the mix? That’s a new level of intensity.

Epel: I… can’t look away!

Deuce: They’re casting magic?! Usually, its at the end of the performance, but here they’re using it throughout the song!

Rook: You are yet to see the main event, mon ami~

At the climax of the song, Evonie and Allison’s rings glowed red and light blue as an orb of light went up the sky and a burst of magic created an illusion of a gloomy forest with black rabbits and flying bats around a silhouette of a crescent moon.

When a chime of a clock was heard, the illusion shatters the moon and it dissolves into the scenery to turn the dark colors of the forest into a red background of crystals and gemstones with black thorns growing from the ground.

They finish the song with a pose with the illusion around them creating an outstanding finish.

The crowd didn’t expect the use of magic to create effects, but it was mesmerizing to look at, all eyes were on them, faces in awe and mouths agape. When their performance ended and the illusion faded, a loud applause fills the venue as students cheered.

TV Staff: That performance gave me goosebumps!

Audience: Seems like DCA is going all out today, huh?

I thought the other performances were good but damn, DCA goes all out!

They’d win for sure!

Neige and Vil will be performing too, but I can’t help but admire DCA’s performance!

Evonie felt proud for some of the comments she hears as her and Allison exit the stage. As soon as every participant was done with rehearsals, the two decided to head to the food booth for a light snack before the performance. Evonie was quietly assessing the choices and thinking deeply on which would be better to eat and won’t make her feel like throwing up when she performs, while Allison was chewing on a chocolate bar.

Evonie was unaware of a small presence behind her until something grabbed her hand, she was startled by the sudden touch and looked to her side only to see one of the dwarves from the rehearsals. “Toby” was what his name was, looking at her with his goofy grin and asymmetric, purple hair.

Toby: Miss Evonie! Timmy is a huge fan of yours, and so am I! The flashy magic you put on stage was super cool!”

Timmy: T-Toby! Don’t rush at her like th-that! And why’d you have to tell her that I’m a fan?! So, embarrassing!!!!

Evonie was frozen, not in fear but in restraint. The dwarves were so cute and she was tempted to pick them up and hold them close to her like a plush. But that would be rude because they’re college students and they are NOT children even if they look like one. Allison was snickering and greeted the dwarves too.

Allison: Aww, Ev, you got a fan!

Evonie: I-I… uhh!

Toby still held her hand and was looking up at her with his doe eyes, it took almost all of her self-restraint to act professional with the dwarf.

Evonie: I-it’s an honor that you like my performances, I am thankful!

Toby: I’ve seen you in that one play about the six queens too! You looked so pretty! Do you wanna come with us to see our other friends? Dominic and the others saw your work too, oh but Gran is not into idols that much…

Timmy: T-Toby! We shouldn’t impose on her and besides, w-we need to stick together! M-Miss Evonie, it was nice meeting you but we need to leave!

Timmy grabs ahold of Toby who was pouting along the way as the two scampered off into the crowd, leaving Evonie behind. Evonie takes a deep breath while Allison looks at the crowd before facing her.

Allison: I don’t see any of my fans… boohoo, quit stealing all my potential fan members!

Evonie: If you had been taking the time to actually participate in SOME venues then you might have had one…

Allison: It isn’t my fault most of the performances they want is girly!

While they were bickering, they don’t notice a grim fight against an overblotted dorm leader was taking place in the colosseum.

[END]

[swan2swan]

“Into the Unknown” is such a ridiculously good song for so many reasons, but one of the most brilliant reasons is the visuals. 

And no, I’m not talking about the snow patterns at the end or the dark-and-light contrasts--they’re important, but we’ll get to that. 

The song begins with Elsa in the hallway of her castle, looking around at the walls and at her reflection in the mirror. With the exception of the door that she closes behind her, there are no doors, no visible windows, and jagged lines everywhere. It’s vast, and it’s empty--it’s a prison.

Until we see the balcony. The balcony she turns, walks toward...

...and upon throwing open the doors, her concern turns to joy. She smiles, she walks forward, she and she leans forward to sing into the sky for the refrain.

And here, for a moment, we see Elsa in nature. The only part of the kingdom that’s truly visible is the wall--a wall that she is beyond. Nothing separates Elsa from the outside, she’s free, and she’s loud and joyful...but then she returns inside.

And then, suddenly, steals back outside. Now there’s just a tiny sliver of light framing her as she steps outside of the building to continue the song...

...and as she says the words “I’m not where I’m meant to be”, she’s looking once again at her reflection. She does not study herself in the mirror of a castle this time, but in water (important water). She’s upside-down, inverted, and demonstrating all the classic signs of imbalance in a song about reflection.

And then, she wanders further. Suddenly, even the land of Arendelle is gone, replaced by darkness and visions. A lot of movies use darkness as a sign of fear and warning, but here, the song once again finds its joy and triumph: this is an unknown place to her, filled with strange trees, but it’s where she belongs. And this is where the coolest part of the song comes:

All of the light is coming from her. There are no torches, no windows, no doors, Elsa is the light source. And most importantly: she takes the lead in the song. The vocalizations that she tried to shut out and shut up at the beginning are now echoing her vocalizations, until they synchronize and harmonize and become one.

And finally, we’re left with Elsa standing alone. The darkness is gone, but we see no buildings--she had followed the voice to the edge of a precipice and then made her own ice to stand upon it, and so the song ends with Elsa standing in front of the Unknown Lands.

[lakkimi]

[TRANS] RollingStone Japan magazine interview - “FTISLAND’s Lee Jaejin’s story, a new challenge ‘the moment before I enlist, it is now’“

FTISLAND offers band-style music that is rare in the K-POP world. On October 9 (note: 2019), Lee Jaejin, the bassist of the band, has released his first solo album. Before he goes to enlist, he had made the determination to himself, “if you are going to go solo, now is the time”. Jaejin who was visiting Japan at the time had made the time to visit RollingStone Japan for an interview.

Korea is the number one idol powerhouse in the world. In the midst of the massive survival competition in the K-POP world, where there are more than 300 idol groups, donning intense hairstyle, makeup, and costume, and boasting unparalleled synchronized group dance, it is very rare to see a group of youths that are still faithful to the authentic pop and rock style and moving forward with it, drawing a line of difference between them and the others in the industry. This group is FTISLAND. As the group is marking their 10th year since they made their major debut (in Japan), this time, we will be featuring Lee Jaejin, the band’s bassist who has been by Lee Hongki’s side on stage. Unlike his lovely face and delicate appearance, this central pillar of FTISLAND is dropping a bold sound that is hard to imagine through his solo album, Scene 27. He had answered to the interview with RollingStone candidly in fluent Japanese without any need of the use of interpreter.  

―Following FTISLAND’s Lee Hongki to debut as a solo, is it something that you wanted for yourself?

Actually, since a few years ago, I have received offers from the agency, “Do you want to try out going solo?”, but I had wanted to focus on FTISLAND, so I had only been gathering ideas. However, Hongki-niisan will enlist in September, and in line with that, FTISLAND will go on a break, and I will follow niisan to enlist too. As soon as I complete the military service, I intend to focus on FTISLAND  again, so I thought, “if I want to do a solo, it is now”. I thought to myself that I might not get another opportunity to move one step forward for myself if I don’t take the chance to go solo now, so I got back to the agency, “I will work hard, let’s do this!”.  

―It feels like, your long-held wish has finally come true.  

That’s right. However, in the beginning, I didn’t have any vision as to what kind of music that I wanted to do for my solo... I don’t like the way that it sounds like an excuse, but we were really busy, so I didn’t have any time for it! (laughs) I have just written a lot of songs and done a lot of comebacks with them, gone to a lot of tv shows, and done a lot of live concerts in Korea, Japan, and around the world. I didn’t really have any time to think of the songs that I would want for myself. However, this time around, I have received a lot of help from the agency, I was able to make it somehow (claps to himself proudly).

―How do you want to express yourself the most as?

For me, I had always felt like I would describe myself the most for my FTISLAND-ness. After all, I have dedicated all of my youth for FTISLAND. I would propose melody and lyrics that I made from my point of view, and these ideas would collide with the other members’ (Lee Hongki (Vo.), Song Seunghyun (Gt.), Choi Minhwan (Dr.)) as they have strong personalities. That’s why, I thought, if I want to honestly express myself as a soloist, I would have to do the opposite method, making it “Lee Jaejin’s uniqueness as seen by other people”. I tried to extract how is Lee Jaejin seen by other people, from people who inspired me - the members, fans, family, staffs, seniors and juniors from the same agency, friends, colleagues, and people that are precious to me, and from these people, their impressions of me and advises to me are reflected in my music.

―So it was a reversed method, it is surprisingly quite out of the box. 

It’s because I have always expressed how I view things through FTISLAND already. Through my solo work, I actually get to have an opportunity to show another side of me, and I thought it would be interesting to show a mix of the Lee Jaejin that other people think of and the Lee Jaejin that I think of. That’s why, from my way of singing to the way the songs were recorded in the studio, I made it different than how I would usually do it.

―Is there any impression that other people have told of you that you found “eh, that’s unexpected!”?  It was when people told me that I produce high pitch voice easily.

―It’s because the audience always listened to your live singing attentively.

No, it’s not like that! (laughs) My role (in FTISLAND) is to harmonize with Hongki-niisan’s voice, so that it sounds nice to hear; however, if I sing using the same way that I did for FTISLAND for my solo release, it would sound strange. I’m still retaining my ability to control my voice easily. It turned out that all of the songs that I had picked for my solo album had higher pitch than my usual voice, so I thought it could only be done with adding in more breath and warmth than usual to my singing. It was really hard when I did the recording. Particularly, when I recorded for Love Like The Films, the key was lowered and raised several times, that we had to repeat the recording for 3 or 4 times, and the entire recording process took about a total of 6 days. 

―In the “Love Like The Films”, Hongki is credited under vocal directing.

Frankly speaking, image that I have of Hongki-niisan is “the bad person who never practices”. Of course, he is an excellent singer, he also does a great job as the band’s frontman, however, as fellow team members, I wished he would practice more. However, after he helped me with vocal direction this time around, I would like to review that. (laughs)

―Ah I see. (laughs)

For me, as a main vocal, I still need to find something that can stand out and be my point of attraction. I haven’t really calculated the way that I sing in the way that “if I sing a song this way, it will be delivered to the audience also in a certain way”, so I thought that Hongki-niisan who has had a long career as a vocalist would know more about it, so I asked him to watch over the recording. Lately, niisan is working hard practicing and he also has a musical coming up, he just has been really busy so I didn’t have the heart to ask him to do it at first. But our agency then said that “Hongki will give (vocal) direction to Jaejin”, so it was sorted out that way.

―So, that’s how he came in!

That’s true. In reality, the moment that he heard the song, he told me “This is Jaejin that is singing, but it sounds somewhat not right”. “This song is putting together the ideas that everyone suggested Jaejin should do” but “in this part, you sang this too softly, you should give more power to it, so the audience can still hear it clearly” or “in this part, your pitch should be more straightforward” - all kinds of possibilities that I wasn’t even thinking of. Hongki-niisan is very knowledgeable in techniques on how to “sound good”, he taught me these in great details.  

―As expected of the vocalist who has carried FTISLAND on his back. With just one added detail, the way that a song could be expressed could increase greatly.

That’s why, we were able to complete the recording of the song with satisfaction, I felt really grateful that Hongki-niisan was willing to help. When we asked him “please also look at the recordings of the other songs”, he replied “I don’t want to, it’s too bothersome”. (lol)

―Ah, that’s what happened.

It was unfortunate that he was able to only look at the title song, however, niisan was really busy that he didn’t even have any time to sleep. FTISLAND also was working on the preparation of our encore concert at that time, so it couldn’t be helped. 

―Then, Scene.27 is packed with all of the efforts poured into it.

Thank you. I hope the message could be delivered well.

―Other than that, are there comments on the album that you found refreshing?

I heard things like “R&B suits you well” or “you can take on Jazz if you work just a bit harder”.

―The voice that has a bit of huskiness in it, it is Jaejin’s voice charm.

I appreciate any feedback. I have prepared myself to accept any feedback, whatever it is, so I actually would be grateful if the listeners could give me a lot of them. Actually, in this album, I wanted to focus only on the vocal and let go of my bass. 

―And as a result, it purely shows Jaejin as a vocalist.

Please indulge in thinking of this as someone completely different, not the Jaejin from FTISLAND. I am challenging myself to take this opportunity to present myself as an entirely rookie solo artist. I also am planning to hold a mini live this coming October with band style performance, so please look forward to my vocals. 

―Your agency junior, N.Flying is also starring in the MV. As they played with so much fun there, the MV also turned out to be full of energy.

These guys were actually busy too, but for me, they deliberately made the efforts to empty out their schedules, practiced and filmed with me - “we will help niisan with everything!” and somewhat I felt “ah, this is the weight of being an older brother”. 

―You guys really have a good relationship.

I can only reply with “Me too, I will work hard!”, and paid them back through my (bass) performance. Actually, this is the first time that I felt such a proper give and take relationship with my juniors. I supported N.Flying by helping out in their live concerts, and this time, they came to help me instead. This made me feel such a brotherly relationship with them, that lately, I thought of how cute these guys are.

―In fact, you have been seniors-juniors for a long time in your agency, but “lately”?

Yes, lately. Originally, I am the kind of person to not really think of any other relationships other than with the FTISLAND members.  

I usually listened to anyone who asked me for counseling or just to share their worries, but I don’t usually feel that “we are one team at heart” with my juniors.  Honestly, in the past, I used to not to be too fond of N.Flying (smiles), I thought that they didn’t really put in enough efforts and seemed to be still too premature.  For me, I am solely the bassist of FTISLAND, and my team is solely FTISLAND - if we put it in the extreme, “I am only the bassist to FTISLAND”. However, lately, these guys have worked so hard and have grown rapidly too. I have come to “If it’s N.Flying, I can play for them too”. Now, they are such a team of cute juniors in my eyes. I’m not that great of a senior either, but now, I want to share with them and have talks on things that I have knowledge on or things that I can give them advise on.

―Why did you choose bass in the beginning?

I only realized recently, but I was an introverted kid when I was in elementary school. I didn’t have any friends, so when I entered middle school, I wanted to brighten up my image. I had started to have friends then, and they asked me, “do you want to make a band together?”. I didn’t have any experience with any musical instruments back then, so I only replied, “Sure, what should I do?”, and they said, “Drum and guitar are hard, so you’re bass”, and so, that’s how I started bass. Compared to guitar, it only has 4 strings, and I could just start by producing the “dung, dung, dung, dung” sound riding the rhythm, it was easy. It was also popular with the girls. 

―Most of bands indeed start with “I want to be popular!”.

For me, it is the case (laughs). However, it is for sure that it was how my life began. My sister is an actress, and she used to be under the agency that I am in now. She told me, “I think my agency is setting up a band, do you want to give it a try?” - she recommended me to an audition, luck was on my side, and I managed to debut. 

―You debuted in 2007, in the midst of the heyday of idol teams that sing and dance, why did FTISLAND aspire to be a “rockband” back then?

Actually, in the beginning, the aim was a multiplayer kind of band that can play a lot of genres. However, if we look at the world, there are a lot of rock bands particularly that are charming. The more that I immersed myself in a new genre, and the more that I practiced, I was captured even more by the rock genre, and swore to myself, “Let’s become a rock band!”, and here we are now. I am crazily in love with the kind of power that only rock holds, and the feeling of catharsis that one gets when they perform. I feel the pride of this band called FTISLAND that possesses the charm to suit not only upbeat rock music, but also are good at pop ballads, and any types of music.

―So, what types of bass that you like?

Currently, I’m mainly using SPECTOR, LAKLAND, and Fodera. However, when I am discharged later, I want to buy Fender.

―Are there any differences between doing activities in Korea and in Japan?

Honestly, I think FTISLAND can best demonstrate 1000% of their charms in Japan. In Japan, we really feel that we can play comfortably and with a peace of mind. As stages and sets in Korea are centered around idols and hiphop, there isn’t many place where we can perform as a band properly, so honestly, we have had a hard time because of this. There is also the case where we don’t have much choice but to give up the (musical) direction that we want. So, when we want to perform properly to the audience in Korea, we got our PAs, sound directors, concert managers, and staffs that we trust in Japan to come to help. Doing major debut in Japan and actively promoting there is highly regarded in Korea. The home of the rock genre is the US, and so I don’t know if it’s a country thing, but the staffs there (in Korea) seem to just have “Going my way”-like mindset to them. There have been instances where it was hard when we tried to request something when we had performances. For example, when we asked them “please slightly raise the volume of the kick drum in our ear monitors, and please make the bass sound harder” or something like that, they would reply “Is that necessary?” or the like. They did follow our request, but I guess if we think about it, those who think that these kinds of exchanges are what rock is all about and those who enjoy these, thinking that these are merely differences in culture and way of thinking, are those that are winning.(smiles) 

―I love that you are looking at it positively (smiles). Now, what are your dreams for the future? 

If I get to be a bit richer, I dream of building a nice livehouse in Korea. It will be an ideal place, where performers can perform properly, and audience can listen to music properly as well.

―In a RollingStone Japan interview too before, Hongki also said that he wanted to build a music studio.

That would be nice! However, for Hongki-niisan, even if he does build a music studio, I think all that he does there will be just play games. He would say something like “You guys, do your best!” and leave the trivial or bothersome things to us, and when he feels like he is in the mood, he would say “This is nice” when he does vocal recording. However, songs that are made in such lively atmosphere will end up pretty rock, so I guess everyone would enjoy such songs anyway.(laughs)  

~~

Disclaimer: Translated by Lu. This translation is based on the Japanese - Korean translation credited to fprit. Due to the indirect translation, inaccuracies are likely and possible, but I will also refer to the original article here to do double checks whenever needed.  

And enjoy Jaejin’s Scene.27 album here ;)  

[shillanseva]

(prompt) triple treble with beca having a stutter/selective mutism and their way with communication

@uncomfortable-and-queer I have no idea if this is at all what you had in mind and I definitely when overboard, but here it is. I had to do a little research to make sure I understood what selective mutism entailed but I think I got it so I hope you like this. I really enjoyed writing it. (It hasn’t been edited yet, so there are probably mistakes.)

All she wanted was for him to leave. He stood at her open door expectantly, waiting for her to say something, anything, but nothing would come. 

She hadn’t said a word to him since she was eleven, and he’d left her mother alone, broken, and wondering why she wasn’t good enough. Even before then, she’d said little more than a word or two here and there.

Her mother was the only person who could get a real conversation out of Beca since the time she could talk. And when they did talk, it was about everything and nothing all at the same time. Her mother was her best friend.

When she died, Beca lost the one person left in the world that she was comfortable enough to talk to. It had been breast cancer, which normally, is very curable, but they’d caught it too late. And her health went downhill fast. There was little they could, but make the most of the time they had left together. Her mother’s dying words to Beca were a wish that she would live a life full of love and friendship, a wish Beca wasn’t entirely sure was possible.

She never had the ability to really talk to other people. It just came with the territory. Selective muteness wasn’t as selective as the name implied. Her subconscious made the decisions on who she could or couldn’t talk to. The anxiety was a bitch that way. If Beca wasn’t comfortable, she couldn’t talk. And then when she couldn’t talk, she got more anxious because no one could understand her making her speech block grow. It was a vicious cycle. One she’d been working to jump out of for as long as she can remember.

Her therapist had told her that the way to get past selective muteness as an adult was to eliminate as much anxiety and stress from a scenario as possible and eventually the words would flow. Beca got the point, but as with most things, it was easier said than done. So, now she was standing there in her new dorm room on her first day at college, staring at her father who was waiting for her to say something to him, and she just couldn’t.

She watched him cautiously as thoughts flitted through his mind as he decided what to do. Eventually, he seemed to realize that Beca just wasn’t going to say anything to him—not that he wasn’t used to it. It had been almost eight full years since he heard her voice.

“Alright Beca,” he finally sighed. “I guess I’ll be heading out. Shoot me a text if you need anything.”

Beca nodded her head and waved her hand slightly. Her dad hesitated for a moment before he spoke again. “Really, if you need anything, please reach out. You don’t have to be alone here Beca.”

Beca sighed and nodded again. She knew her dad meant well. Now that she was grown, she couldn’t exactly blame him for not making the relationship with her mother work. They fought constantly. That’s not what a relationship should be—at least she assumed it shouldn’t be. She’d never had a functioning relationship to look up to while she grew up.

Her dad left the room without another word, and Beca turned back to the few bags she’d tossed on the floor when she had arrived on campus. The first thing she pulled out was her mixing equipment. It was already set up with her lap top on her desk in the corner of the room. All that was really left was some clothes and small items. She didn’t have a lot.

Her roommate had already been there and left the minute Beca entered the room without so much as a hello, which was fine with Beca because less talking meant Beca was less likely to come off as a freak for not talking. She found that being silent tended to unnerve people. She had at least developed the ability to push body language through the block so as long as no one tried to really talk to her, she would be fine.

Beca hummed softly to herself as she pulled her clothes from a torn-up, frayed duffle bag on her bunk. Mostly plaid button-downs in various dark shades, and a few pairs of jeans made up her wardrobe. Nothing fancy. Beca just wasn’t a fancy person because a; dresses and dress clothes just fucking sucked, and b; the only fancy occasions she’d gone to (forced) were family events which were basically as rare as blizzards in Atlanta, Georgia. Not that she cared, family wasn’t really a thing to her without her mother.

It only took another fifteen minutes for Beca to put the finishing touches on her unpacking. She thought about sitting down to start working on some of her unfinished projects, but decided against it when she felt her stomach rumble violently. She probably should figure out where the dining hall was. No way was she going to live off ramen.

Beca had to (begrudgingly) admit that Barden’s campus was beautiful. She grew up in the Pacific Northwest, not too far from Seattle, and wasn’t used to the amount of sunlight that came from living in the South. It was hot. Way too hot for the skinny jeans she wore, but she’d deal. She didn’t even own a pair of shorts.

According to the campus map she’d downloaded onto her phone (to avoiding looking like a lost freshman,) the dining hall was only supposed to be on the other side of the quad. The quad that was currently busting at the seams with activity fair booths and over-eager student org types. She shook her head knowing she didn’t have much of a choice, she might as well face it head on. It’s not like she actually had to pay attention to anyone. She’d just keep her head down and move quickly.

Or so was the plan—until a hand thrust a flyer in front of her face and Beca nearly fell backwards from the suddenness of it. She looked up to find the brightest pair of blue eyes she had ever seen in her life. If Beca hadn’t been so captivated by them, she probably would have thought they were kind of ridiculous, cause seriously who has eyes that blue? But, as it was, Beca was captivated. It took a second to shake herself out of her stupor in order to take in the rest of the woman who had stopped her. Her red hair was like something straight out of a magazine, falling in generous waves and framing her face.

“Would you like to join our music group?” the redhead said quickly with a voice that almost made Beca shiver with its sweetness. Her eyebrows rose as she looked down to exam the flyer in front of her. The Barden Bellas, huh?

“We’re an all women acapella group. We sing covers of songs, but do it without any instruments. It all comes from our mouths!” Beca smiles at the oversell the woman gives her. She was cute, in a crazy girl-next-door, had-too-much-sugar kind of way, but Beca had no desire to join any on-campus groups. She was only here for a year to appease her father before she went off to LA to try and make it in the music industry. If Daft Punk could make it without speaking more than a dozen words than so can she. “There are four groups on campus—the Bellas, that’s us. We’re the tits. The BU Harmonics, the High Notes, and the Treblemakers.”

The woman’s smile faltered as she looked in their direction. The group in question was standing towards the edge of the quad aggressively singing towards people as they passed by.

“I’m Chloe, by the way. I am one of the co-captains and behind me is Aubrey,” she said returning her dazzling attention to Beca. Beca glanced behind Chloe to see a blonde woman with what seemed to be a perpetual frown on her face. “Are you interested in auditioning?”

Beca quirked a smile at Chloe and laughed softly, not even realizing it. Honestly, she kind of felt bad. Chloe was friendly enough and it felt kind of like kicking a puppy to say no to her, but come on? Acapella? It was pretty lame. Beca feel another pair of eyes on her as she shook her at Chloe and tried to hand back the flier.

“Aca-scuse me?” the other woman, Aubrey, said approaching the pair from behind Chloe. She’d seen Beca laugh and shake her head at Chloe and her protective instincts flared against the tiny brunette.

“What’s wrong with synchronized lady dancing to a Mariah Carey chart topper?” Her voice was incredulous as if Beca had just insulted her god, which based on that little comment was probably Beyonce. Beca just smirked at the older woman and her eyebrows raised in silent amusement.

Sensing a building tension between the two, Chloe stepped lightly in front of Aubrey and spoke again. “We sing all over the world and compete in national championships.”

So? Beca made a face which bordered the lines of pity and amusement.

“We played the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Center you bitch,” Aubrey said. The silence of the other woman was irritating her. How could this girl rile her up without even a word? Chloe had reached out and grabbed her hand gently whispering a soft “settle” to the blonde. Beca’s eyes raised slightly at the strangely intimate exchange but didn’t have time to read too much into it before Chloe was speaking to her again.

“What Aubrey means to say is that we’re a close-knit, talented group of ladies whose dream is to return to the national finals at Lincoln Center this year.” Beca could have sworn Chloe’s eyes got bigger as she spoke, like fucking puppy-dog eyes, they were so huge. “Help us turn our dreams into a reality?”

Beca really did feel like she was kicking a puppy now. She smiled sadly at the redhead and avoided Aubrey’s eyes as she shook her head. She set the flier onto their table as she walked away, hoping to find a part-time job in the throng of tables.

Chloe was following Beca’s path curiously as she weaved through the crowds of people. “She didn’t say one word to us, did she?” Chloe suddenly realized and turned to look at Aubrey. Aubrey shook her head.

“No, she didn’t.”

“Weird,” Chloe said softly to herself.

“She’s probably one of those freak loner types,” Aubrey said with a scowl. “Definitely not Bella material.”

“She was cute though,” Chloe said gauging her girlfriend’s reaction as she said the words. “In an alternative kind of way.”

“Cute.” Aubrey scoffed. “With all those ear monstrosities, it’s hard to believe she doesn’t have a prison tattoo to go with them.”

“Aubrey,” Chloe said laughing gently.

***

Beca managed to find a radio station booth later that day and signed up for an internship. The details were pretty vague, but she was given a time and place to show up the next day and she was pretty excited. Excited enough that she completely forgot why she left her dorm room in the first place. It wasn’t until an hour after she got back to her room that she remembered she still needed to eat.

Her first day of classes was also the next day. She was feeling pretty conflicted about them. Since she was only planning on being at Barden for a year, she had only signed up for fluff classes—the 101s. None of them interested her though so she debated if she would even go to them. The only thing professors did on the first day of class was hand out a syllabus and let you leave, and most of her syllabi were posted online anyway.

Eventually she decided, fuck it, and went to class anyway. She would have rather stuck around her dorm and messed around with some of her mixes, but her roommate had been glaring proverbial daggers at her for two hours by the time she finally left, and it felt like a breath of fresh air to get away from Kimmy Jin. Beca didn’t think she would ever get to the point where she could say anything to her roommate anyway so she was content to let Kimmy Jin hate her.

By mid-afternoon, Beca was nearly jumping out of her skin at her proximity to other people. She could handle herself fairly well in smaller groups or large groups for short periods of times, but 101s were huge lecture hall classes spanning an hour or more. And she had multiple of them in one day. She couldn’t wait to get back her dorm so she could escape for a while.

Her excitement for the radio job had waned some in the exhaustion that came with her anxiety. It was still there, don’t misunderstand, but she knew she’d have to deal with people when she got there, and that is exactly what she didn’t want right now. Like yeah, she got that it was a part of the job, but there was only so much she could take in a day.

It hadn’t turned out as bad as she thought it would though. She was able to get across to Luke that she was nonverbal, and he seemed totally down with that—something about it making her less annoying than the other undergrads trying to get time in the booth. And Beca didn’t think the other new guy even noticed or even stopped talking from the minute he got there to the minute he left. He seemed nice enough, and the fact that he could carry on a conversation by himself without needing Beca’s response was definitely a bonus.

Life carried on like that for another week or so. Beca would get up in the morning and skip class until about four in the afternoon when she’d go in for her shift at the station. When she wasn’t at the station, her eyes were glued to her computer screen arranging, mixing, and sometimes even composing new music. She was fine with the routine. It got her through the day with minimal exposure to other people. That is until the second week of class when her father texted her at eight in the morning asking why wasn’t in her philosophy 101 class.

Beca knew she needed to answer. If she didn’t then he was just going to show up at her dorm room again, and then who knows how long it would be before she got him to leave.

How did you even know? Beca shot off the text and started gathering her stuff to go shower.

You don’t need to know. Why aren’t you there?

She snorts and sends back a response knowing it’ll likely piss him off. I’m posing an important philosophical question: If I don’t actually go to class, will that class still suck?

When he didn’t respond for another five minutes, Beca actually started to get worried that he was coming to her dorm—that is, until a massive paragraph popped up on her screen.

Beca.. I know you’re mad at me and I get it. But you need to get an education. The music industry isn’t so forgiving and someday you might need a backup. You’re missing out on so many experiences by staying in your dorm room. It’s supposed to prepare you for real life. And you’re supposed to create memories here. Do you even have any friends yet?

Okay, so that one hurt a little bit. She knew she was a loner, but he couldn’t exactly blame her. Who wants to be friends with the weird mute kid who wears too much eye liner? She’d had this fight with him at least a dozen times before she got to Barden. All she wanted to do was go to LA, and she didn’t get why he couldn’t accept that. Another message popped up on her screen:

Just try something. Anything. Put yourself out there. A job at the radio station with three weirdos doesn’t count. Just do something with real people, and if in a year, you still want to run off to be some big time music producer then I’ll help you move to LA.

Beca had to do a double take at her phone. No way was he saying that? Was he serious? It was that easy?

But you have to pass all your classes.

Beca sighed in defeat. There went her idea to just skip out on her classes until she could leave. She shot off an “okay” message to her dad then grabbed her towel and toiletries to head to the bathroom.

The bathrooms were usually pretty empty at this time of the day as everyone was off to their classes or the dining hall by now. There were the occasional stragglers like Beca who didn’t give a crap about their morning classes—or they’d won the lottery and didn’t have an early AM class. None of them were in the showers that morning though, at least that Beca noticed.

She hummed Titanium quietly to herself as she hung her towel on a peg outside of the shower curtain and tossed her soaps into the shower and set the water on hot before shutting the curtain. As soon as the curtain was closed, it felt like a wall and dropped Beca was free. The words to the song rang out loud and clear through the tiled room as Beca closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the hot water against her chest. She was so absorbed into her own little world that she didn’t notice the jingle of the curtain being opened until a squealed “Oh my god” startled her from her reverie and she flew into the back wall of the shower trying to cover herself up.

“You can sing!” the excited voice shrilled. Beca glanced over her shoulder to see the red head, Chloe, from the activity fair standing behind her—completely nude. Of course, this would happen to Beca. The first time she gets to see a hot girl naked and it’s practically assault. Beca tried to hold her shampoo bottle up to cover her chest as the girl’s eyes started to roam a little bit. She reached out and tried to close the curtain but Chloe just ripped it open again. “How high does your belt go?”

Beca didn’t answer and instead tried too look anywhere but directly at Chloe, which Chloe wasn’t making any easier as she rambled on about the song Beca was singing. Beca was pleasantly surprised to know that Chloe knew who David Ghetta was even though Titanium was playing constantly on the top 40 stations.

Beca snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Chloe say something about her “lady jam” and she scowled at the girl. Said scowl intensified when Chloe asked her to sing it for her and Beca quickly shook her head.

“No, not for that reason,” Chloe said quickly. “Look, I’m not leaving here until you sing so…”

Beca shook her head again, trying to breath deeply and control the anxiety building in her stomach. After waiting for what felt like an hour, only really about thirty seconds, Beca quietly sang the first words of Titanium’s chorus. Her voice getting stronger with each passing beat. She heard Chloe’s voice join in on the harmony and she almost melted a little because it was like really good. And she hadn’t sang with anyone since her mom so it felt kind of special that this random naked girl she’d met once before was able to cause this level of comfort in Beca.

Beca smiled a little as they finished the chorus, and she almost forgot that she was completely naked until Chloe glanced down for just a second. Beca raised her eyes back to the ceiling again and looked away from Chloe.

“Yeah,” Chloe said, laughing at Beca’s shy response. “I’m pretty confident about all this.” She gestured down her body.

“Look,” Chloe said. “I get that you’re this like quiet, mysterious type, but your voice rocks. You should try out for the Bellas. Auditions are Saturday okay?”

Beca nodded, still refusing to look at Chloe even as she handed Beca her towel. This was absolutely crazy. Why in the world would she go to this audition now? Chloe had assaulted her in the shower. Who does that?

And yet, four days later, Beca found herself pushing open the exit door to the backstage of a small auditorium. She felt crazy even being here. She had never been able to sing in front of an audience before, what made her think she could now? She could feel the anxiety pushing adrenalin through her veins and she took a few calming breaths as she approached the stage.

“That was the last audition of the day,” a voice said as Beca peaked her head around the corner to look out at the groups seated in the auditorium. They were fairly easy to tell apart because they all sat separated from each other. Chloe and Aubrey were seated near the front and Aubrey had just begun shuffling a stack of papers together when Chloe caught Beca’s eye and yelled out, “Wait there’s one more.”

Chloe smiled hesitantly at Beca who took another deep breath and walked out onto the stage. She gave small smile and wave to Chloe before sitting down directly in front of the two co-captains. Beca hadn’t known she needed to prepare a song, but she knew one that her mom had taught her that she could easily sing on the fly so long as she could actually get herself to sing. She noticed a cup of pens on the desk in front of her and glanced cautious at Aubrey and reached out of it. After a second Aubrey gave a small, confused nod, and Beca grabbed the cup from the table, gently pouring the pens onto its surface in the process.

Beca sat back down against the stage and sighed heavily. She could do this. She knew she could so long as she just kept herself calm. Her therapist always told her that getting past her block was all about reducing anxiety.

She looked up to see Chloe smiling still at her and she felt her shoulders fall a bit as tension released. There was some impatient shuffling echoing towards the back of the auditorium, but Beca chose to drown it all out in exchange for keeping eye contact with Chloe. Those brilliantly blue eyes kept her focused for so long she didn’t even realize when she’d finished the song—nor did she notice the steel-melting glare Aubrey was directing towards her.

Without a word, Aubrey handed an audition application to Beca to fill out, while Chloe excitedly told Beca that she would hear from them by the end of the day and to be prepared—which Beca found cryptic as fuck.

After Beca had left the auditorium, Chloe turned to her girlfriend happily. “See, I told you we would see her again.”

Aubrey rolled her eyes, unwilling to admit that Chloe was right. Despite her outwardly hostile reaction toward Beca, the girl still intrigued her. After Chloe explained how she’d “stumbled” onto Beca singing in the shower and the girl still wouldn’t talk, Aubrey had pulled out her computer and done two hours worth of research on muteness. Chloe had teased Aubrey that she had a little crush on Beca, but Aubrey had stoically ignored her girlfriend in favor of pouring herself into rehearsal planning for the Bella’s.

“She still doesn’t look the part of a Bella,” Aubrey said not withholding the disdain she felt for Beca’s “alternative” style.

“We can cute her up,” Chloe said smiling. “She’s already tiny so she’s like half way there.”

“Those hideous earrings will have to go,” Aubrey added as she slid a stack of audition forms into her bag.  

“Newsflash Aubrey,” Chloe sighed. “Of all the girls we auditioned today, like two of them would have fit the traditional Bella look. We should be looking for good singers. That’s the part that matters.”

Aubrey sighed. Chloe had a point. And at least with Beca, reducing the girl’s eyeliner was most of the battle to make her look like a Bella. But she didn’t like Beca. She didn’t like the way she looked at Chloe and she didn’t like that Beca wore a perpetual smirk like she thought everything around her was just vaguely amusing.

Later that evening found Beca standing in a dark room with a hood over her head, Chloe’s warning echoing through her head. She could hear Aubrey talking about some oath which sounded completely ridiculous to Beca. Who even cared who slept with who, and where was Aubrey going to get these wolves to rip out their vocal cords if they did sleep with a Treble?

When Aubrey’s cult initiation was finished, Beca found herself being ushered back into the van with the other girls and driven to a spot nearby on campus where a party was already violating noise ordinances.

“Welcome to hood night,” Aubrey said as she set the van into park. She glanced back through the review mirror and caught Beca’s eye. Her facial expression was entirely neutral which made Beca uncomfortable. She could already tell the blonde didn’t particularly like her and she had a sinking feeling that it had something to do with the way Beca couldn’t take her eyes off Chloe. It’s not like she meant to do it. Chloe was just the only person in the room that seemed to ground her. Beca knew better than to get attached though so she decided to just avoid Chloe. An idea that Chloe made extremely difficult to follow.

Beca remained off to the side for most of hood night. Acapella people turned out to be a little rowdier than she would have anticipated, and even then, large crowds weren’t Beca’s thing. Chloe had attempted three separate times to get Beca to come down and join the party and each time Beca had shook her head and grimaced. Jesse’s attempts to get her to socialize were just a futile.

He approached her about an hour after she got there, already three shades to the wind, and started talking about their “aca-children.” Beca nearly trip him backwards down the stairs just to get him to shut up, but she smiled to humor him just so that he wouldn’t push the conversation too hard. Of course, he did anyway, and Beca could see Aubrey across the amphitheater glaring at the Treblemaker. Beca found it all highly amusing and decided to play into it a little and smile more at Jesse just to get a rise out of the blonde. She knew she would regret the interaction with Jesse later, but she just didn’t really care right then.

Eventually Jesse got bored of talking and moved back down into the amphitheater to dance with the other aca-people. His retreat was followed quickly by Aubrey’s arrival. The blonde came to stand next to Beca without a word and handed off a red solo cup filled with whatever backwash swill college kids consider beer.

“Parties aren’t your thing,” Aubrey stated after a few moments. Beca shook her head. Never had been and likely never would be.

“Mine either,” Aubrey continued. “But Chloe manages to drag me to a few of them every year.”

Beca watched Aubrey cautiously. She was slightly confused as to why the blonde was even talking to her. Aubrey’s eyes tracked Chloe as she socialized across the party. She never stood in one place to long because there was always someone new to talk to—ever the social butterfly, Chloe couldn’t just leave without meeting everyone.

“You don’t talk much, do you?” Aubrey blurted. Beca smiled and laughed a little. She somehow got the feeling that Aubrey wasn’t the type to blurt so Beca’s silence must have really bothered her. “What’s so funny?”

Beca pulled out her phone and gestured for Aubrey to grab hers as well before snatching it from the blonde’s hand and adding her number. She sent herself and then handed the phone back to Aubrey who took the phone cautiously, like Beca had just rigged it to explode.

Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to ask mutes about their emotional trauma? Beca sent back trying to keep a straight face.

“Th-that’s not what I meant?” Aubrey burst, and her face flushed red. “I’m sorry. That was so rude. It’s none of my business.”

Dude chill. I was joking.

Aubrey looked up and saw that Beca was smiling at her, the teasing glint evident in her eye. Aubrey scowled but then smiled slightly at the younger woman. “That was mean.”

You should have seen your face though.

Aubrey smacked her on the back of the arm lightly. “Is-is that normally how you talk to people? Through texting?” Aubrey asked. Beca could tell Aubrey had a lot of questions which made her hesitant to respond. But there was also a voice. And the voice in Beca’s mind was usually right so texted her back.

Only when they’re worth the effort. Beca winked at Aubrey when she looked back up from her phone. Aubrey’s blush returned, but she just hummed in response to Beca. She felt like she had already pushed the younger woman for information more than she should have. They just met after all. Aubrey couldn’t just dump all her questions and curiosities off on her the first time they talked. Aubrey was so distracted by her curiosity that she forgot that not twelve hours ago she was glaring holes through Beca’s skull for staring at Chloe.

Beca relaxed next to Aubrey. It seemed like the blonde wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe a little intense, but she was kind of cute when she was flustered. She could see why Chloe liked her if this is what Aubrey was like one-on-one. It hadn’t taken a genius to figure out the two were a couple. Beca could just by the way that Aubrey had reacted to her earlier that day.

Hey. I wanna apologize for earlier today. I didn’t know about you and Chloe. I just… I don’t know. I wouldn’t have been able to do that audition with out her.

Aubrey reread the text a couple times. She and Chloe weren’t exactly out on campus so that Beca had figured them out was surprising.

“You’re observant,” Aubrey said quietly. Beca just nodded her head. It was sort of obvious. When you don’t spend your time talking, you spending it listening and watching. Beca had become some what of an expert on body language.

Your secret is safe with me.

Aubrey hummed. “Chloe has a way with people,” she admitted. “She exudes calm while somehow being the most bubbly person in the room. She was able to talk me down from a panic attack less than an hour after we met.”

Beca blinked at the admission. Sure, Aubrey was intense, but Beca had figured that’s just how she was—not that it was side effect of another problem.

I get it. I haven’t sung in front of another person since I was 11… She wasn’t sure why she was telling Aubrey this. Beca didn’t do friends so why was she telling the blonde her tragic backstory. Usually Beca ran before she ever had to become personal. But if Aubrey was surprised at the admission, she didn’t show it.

“You have a beautiful voice,” Aubrey said. Beca wondered briefly if it hurt for her to admit it. “We’re… lucky to have you on our team.”

Flattery will get you everywhere Posen. Aubrey snorted as she read the text, and Beca couldn’t help but think it was cute. They stood together for another fifteen minutes before Aubrey decided to retrieve Chloe who, in the middle of her drunken dancing, had gotten a little too close to some hedges at the edge of the amphitheater and gotten her hair stuck.

Beca felt like she’d made a valiant attempt at “partying” by this time and decided to walk back to her dorm. Other than the nerd party happening behind her, campus was quiet which Beca appreciated immensely.

The following day was the first Bella’s rehearsal. Beca managed to drag her carcass out of bed in time to get to her philosophy class, but by the time she got to rehearsal she felt completely drained. Aubrey didn’t make it any easier on her either. After drop kicking two of the new freshmen, she pushed them into running laps around the rehearsal space. Exercise had never really bothered Beca, but she was so tired that day that when Chloe finally called rehearsal, Beca just dropped to her knees for a few minutes to recover her breath.

Rehearsals continued much the same way for the rest of the week. The other Bellas pushed back some on the cardio, but after exhibiting a glass-shattering high-G that lasted nearly a minute, which she attributed to their excessive cardio, Aubrey was able to hush a majority of the complaints.

Aubrey was a drill sergeant in rehearsals. She was a cold perfectionist with a failure complex, and Beca found herself growing irritated with the blonde each passing day.  They learned about Aubrey’s blunder the year previous in their second rehearsal, and Beca couldn’t help but sympathize with Aubrey—they had similar problems that manifested in different ways. But what she couldn’t sympathize with was the grueling four-hour rehearsals that left her hoarse and sore at the end of the night. Beca’s voice wasn’t used to this much exercise and she was really beginning to struggle with the rehearsals.

Aubrey finally realized Beca’s struggle when they got to the second week of rehearsals. She felt bad that she hadn’t noticed it sooner, but Beca had never made any complaints. In fact, of all the girls, Beca was the easiest to work with because she never complained, which, Aubrey conceded, was probably unfair to Beca since she didn’t talk.

“Beca, bring your phone” Aubrey called as she waved Beca over at the end of their sixth rehearsal. Chloe watched them curiously. Beca had not sounded her best that day, and she was worried at what Aubrey was about to do. But instead, what happened left Chloe utterly dumbfounded.

Beca walked over to Aubrey with her head hung slightly, fully expecting to get laid into. Aubrey put two fingers under Beca’s chin to lift her gaze from the floor. “How is your throat?” she asked softly. Beca’s eyebrows shot to her hairline. “What? I care,” Aubrey laughed at the astonishment on Beca’s face.

Beca pulled out her cell phone and tapped out a response that Chloe couldn’t see from across the rehearsal space.

“I figured as much,” Aubrey said, nodding at what she read on her phone. Aubrey turned around and ran to her bag a few feet behind her and pulled out a grocery bag. Chloe had wondered what that was earlier today. Aubrey had left it sitting on their kitchen table and Chloe had looked through it just out of curiosity. It contained some pretty typical sore throat remedies—stuff like honey, tea, and lozenges. Aubrey handed the bag straight to Beca. “These should help some. Do you have a humidifier?”

Beca shook her head while Chloe looked on like Aubrey had just picked Beca up off the ground and piledrove her into the concreate. Beca discretely smirked in Chloe’s direction before returning her attention to Aubrey who was talking about the benefits of sleeping with a humidifier.

“I have one from when Chloe had strep throat last year if you want to borrow it?” Aubrey finished. She watched Beca tap out a response and then read her phone. “Okay, I’ll drop it by later tonight. What’s your dorm number?”

Beca sent Aubrey a quick response which caused the blonde to laugh, “You wish, Mitchell.”

The laugh from Aubrey made Beca smile which made Chloe smile as well. They rarely saw a genuine smile come from Beca. It was beautiful—blindingly so to Aubrey who froze when she felt her heart skip a beat. Chloe didn’t miss that reaction, and she frowned slightly.

“So those were for Beca?” Chloe asked when she’d finally left the gymnasium. Aubrey looked a little like a deer in the headlights at being caught.

“Yes,” Aubrey said. “I realized last night that a four-hour rehearsal was more vocal activity than Beca has had in a month. I wanted to be prepared in the event that it became too much for her. Which it did. You heard how her voice cracked today.”

Chloe’s heart softened at the kindness her girlfriend was showing the younger Bella. “Who would have thought, Aubrey Posen, certified softy,” Chloe tried to joke, though the smile didn’t quite seem real to Aubrey. She could see the fear in Chloe’s eyes, and she immediately felt terrible.

“Chloe,” Aubrey said walking over to where her girlfriend stood ready to leave. She reached hand up and brushed back a few strands of hair that had fallen loose from her ponytail during rehearsals. “You know I love you right?”

Chloe nodded and smiled. Of course, she knew Aubrey loved her. “It never hurts to hear you say it,” she whispered and leaned her cheek into the hand that now rested there. Aubrey pressed a sweet kiss against Chloe’s lips and Chloe said a quiet “I love you too” before they pulled apart and left for the night.

Whatever was happening between Aubrey and Beca weighed heavily in Chloe’s mind though. She didn’t even know they had each other’s phone numbers let alone that Beca had active conversations with her girlfriend. She felt sort of left out actually. Chloe was normally the one who made friends first, not Aubrey.

After a few more days, Aubrey could sense the growing fear in Chloe as she spent more of her attention on Beca. It wasn’t on purpose, but Aubrey couldn’t help the feeling of protectiveness she developed for the small Bella. She felt a kinship with Beca over their issues with anxiety, and it was nothing against Chloe, but Aubrey was sure that Chloe had never felt that level of internal conflict. Or, at least, Chloe had never been debilitated by it. And it felt so good to finally have someone in her life that understood it, even if she and Beca never talked about it.

Aubrey didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until she received a text from Beca about “needing her” and Chloe had nearly collapsed into tears when she read it off the blonde’s home screen. Aubrey had spent the next hour reassuring her distraught girlfriend of how much she loved her and that her and Beca were just friends. Obviously, there was more they needed to talk about, but even Chloe knew that for Beca to have texted Aubrey for help, it must have been important. Important enough that Chloe tagged along out of fear for the younger Bella. While Beca hadn’t necessarily opened up to Chloe the way she had with Aubrey, Chloe had still managed to climb her way past a couple of Beca’s walls. The constant physical affection had worn her down embarrassingly quick. But Beca tried not to read too much into it because Chloe was just like that. She was affectionate with everyone. It didn’t stop the butterflies though.

Chloe and Aubrey arrived at Beca’s dorm about an hour and a half after getting her text. Aubrey felt bad that they didn’t leave sooner, but Chloe had needed that time from Aubrey, and as her girlfriend, Chloe was priority number one.

Aubrey knocked on Beca’s door and called out her name. It opened little more than a second later, and Aubrey’s arms were full of a trembling Beca.

“Beca?” Aubrey asked quietly. “What’s wrong?”

There was no response from Beca. She wasn’t going to release Aubrey even if her life depended on it. Beca had been having an extremely hard day. It was the anniversary of her mother’s death and she was having a hard time dealing. She’d done her best during rehearsal that evening to hold herself together, but the minute she was alone in her dorm room, it had all come crashing down on her. The loneliness, the doubt, the anxiety. It all hit with the force of a semi-truck.

Aubrey, sensing that it would be some time before Beca calmed enough to be responsive, walked the girl backwards until they could close her dorm room door, and then lifted the girl up onto her bed and climbed up beside her. She curled into Aubrey’s side like she was trying to disappear. Chloe was watching it all with pain in her eyes, but she realized it was the pain of jealousy. It was pain caused by seeing someone you care about in pain. The realization caused something to click in Chloe and she understood Aubrey’s concern for the girl. Even if there were feelings involved, being there for Beca was about just that—being there for a girl who didn’t really have anyone else.

Chloe hopped up onto the bed next to Beca and scooted as close as she could get before dropping a kiss onto Beca’s shoulder. They sat like that for half an hour before Beca stopped shaking and her breath evened out. Aubrey thought she must have fallen asleep until Beca sat up and jumped down off the bed to grab her phone. She tapped out a quick message and both Chloe and Aubrey pulled their phones out when they heard separate dings.

I guess I owe you guys an explanation huh? Beca couldn’t even look at them. She was staring at the floor.

“Sweetheart, you don’t owe us anything,” Chloe was the first to talk. “If you’re upset, we’ll be here for you, no strings attached, no explanations required.”

Beca went to respond, but Aubrey leaned forward and put her hand over the screen after sensing the response she was about to get from Beca. “She’s right, Becs,” Aubrey said. “You don’t owe us anything. We are here because we both care about you—so much,” she added. Aubrey linked eyes with Chloe and at that moment all the confusion they had regarding Beca cleared away, and Aubrey knew they had an understanding about the role Beca held in their life. They would need to talk about it soon, but that didn’t matter right now. What mattered right now was making sure that Beca was okay.

“But,” Aubrey continued. “If you want to talk about it, we will listen.”

Beca watched the two girls in front of her. They were having a silent conversation, and something happened between them because Beca watched the clarity that swept across Chloe’s face. It almost felt like the sunshine coming out after rain, and Beca had realized how closed off Chloe had become recently around her. Beca hesitantly reached out and grabbed Chloe’s hand to squeeze it for assurance. Surprised, Chloe met Beca’s eyes then glanced down at their joined hands. Beca had never initiated before. Beca turned her eyes to Aubrey’s and took a deep breath trying to quell the storm in her stomach. It was almost like Chloe was lending her strength, because Beca could feel her voice, ready and pushing to be free. Feeling compelled to speak was a strange feeling for Beca, one she hadn’t felt since her mother was alive.

Beca swallowed heavily. “M-my mom d-died t-today,” she stuttered and pushed her gaze to the floor feeling a blush creep up her neck. Aubrey felt like the wind was knocked out of her at the sound of Beca’s voice. Chloe, still holding Beca’s hand, pulled the girl into a crushing hug and sighed into her shoulder. She didn’t know what to say to the younger woman. She didn’t feel like it really mattered what she would say anyway. It’s not like she knew what Beca was going through. She was so overjoyed at hearing Beca speak that anything she managed to say would probably be inappropriate anyway.

Aubrey made eye contact with Beca over Chloe’s shoulder. “Thank you,” she said. “For telling us. I know how hard it must have been to share with us.”

Beca knew she wasn’t just talking about her mother, but she just nodded. The compulsion she felt to speak had waned after her utterance, and now she was left to speak silently again.

“Chloe,” Aubrey said sternly. When she didn’t get a response, she tapped her girlfriend on her head. “Let go of the poor girl, she probably needs to breathe.”

With a quiet laugh, Chloe released Beca and leaned back. There were tears in her eyes and she wiped at them quickly. “Sorry.” She smiled. “I’m a crier.”

“Somehow, I don’t think she’s surprised,” Aubrey said smiling at Beca who shook her head and tentatively returned the smile.

“Are you okay?” Aubrey asked watching the maelstrom of emotions that was swirling behind Beca’s eyes.

I think so. The response popped up on Aubrey and Chloe’s phones.

“Do you want us to stay?” Chloe asked. She could see the hesitation in Beca’s eyes. “We would like to stay anyway. We would be too worried to go home now…”

The admission seemed to surprise Beca, but she didn’t question it after seeing the sincerity in Chloe’s eyes and the barely-there nod from Aubrey.

Beca grabbed her laptop and shuffled back onto the bed. She tried to sit beside Chloe to avoid being between the couple, but Chloe promptly pulled Beca over her lap and back between her and Aubrey. Beca flushed a little bit, but didn’t argue. She opened the laptop and pulled up her Netflix account before typing into a note on the side of the screen asking what they wanted to watch. They spent the night huddled together on the twin-sized bed watching some reality tv show that Aubrey and Chloe insisted that Beca needed to see. At around midnight, both girls noticed that Beca seemed to have passed out between them, leaning heavily against Chloe, leaving them to stew in their thoughts together.

“What do you think this means?” Chloe was the first to break the silence. Aubrey just looked at her waiting for her to continue. “I mean, she spoke today Bree! That’s got to mean something right?”

“I think she trusts us,” Aubrey said quietly as she examined Beca’s face. The brunette was peaceful right now. There were no worry lines or smirks, she was just relaxed. Chloe nodded, another question on the tip of her tongue.

“What does this mean for us?” Chloe’s eyes avoided Aubrey’s, instead choosing to exam one of Kimmy Jin’s posters on the far wall. When Aubrey didn’t answer, she returned her gaze to the blonde and raised an eyebrow. Aubrey’s face was soft as she looked at Beca. Chloe could clearly see the love in her eyes, but this time she didn’t feel jealous.

“It doesn’t mean anything if you don’t want it to,” Aubrey said locking her gaze onto Chloe’s.

Chloe sighed. That didn’t really help her figure out what was going on. “You’re going to fall in love with her, Bree.”

“I already love you,” she said without missing a beat. “What about you? I’ve seen how you look at her Chlo. You get all gooey, just like you do with me.”

“I don’t know,” Chloe said. She passed a hand through Beca’s hair, and the girl hummed in her sleep causing both women to smile. They met eyes over her head and Chloe nodded. “I guess yeah, I could see myself falling for her. But she doesn’t need me the way she needs you.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Aubrey said gesturing to Beca’s hand which had fisted Chloe’s t-shirt. In fact, Beca was only a limb movement or two away from full on koala hugging Chloe, and it made Aubrey laugh.

“So, what do we do?” Chloe asked as she laid her hand over Beca’s on her stomach. “I love you Aubrey. Nothing, no one, is ever going to change that. I’ve always planned on marrying you and spending the rest of our lives together.”

Aubrey smiled and leaned over Beca to press a kiss to Chloe’s forehead. “Nothing is going to change that,” Aubrey agreed.

“Are we willing to go for it then?” Chloe asked.

“Maybe we should clarify what you mean by go for it first?” Aubrey said, ever the thinker.

“Like, do we tell Beca that we’re sorta falling in love with her?” Chloe clarified.

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” Aubrey said. Her eyes were cast down and her shoulders sank as she said it. “Every time you looked at me like I was betraying you for Beca, killed me a little. I never meant to. I just have this feeling,” Aubrey said and paused. “It’s like—”

“You want to protect her,” Chloe finished. “You care about her Aubrey. It’s okay. I care about her too… I think we should just do it.”

Aubrey looked at her, not quite sure if Chloe was serious.

“I don’t want to live my life wondering Bree,” Chloe said. “If this could be something, I want to know it. And then, if it doesn’t work, we will still have each other.”

Aubrey nodded. “Okay..”

“Really?” Chloe’s face broke out into a grin and she had to keep from squealing quietly, afraid of waking the sleeping Bella. Aubrey nodded again with a smile. Chloe’s own was infectious.

The two women did their best to readjust themselves so that they all could sleep laying down on Beca’s single bed. At this point, there was no way they were leaving the younger woman alone—not that Beca would let them. The second Chloe had tried to move, Beca’s other hand caught her shirt in an equally tight grip. It was honestly the cutest thing either of them had ever seen. But it made things a little more difficult for Chloe to lay down. She took it in stride though. Eventually she was able to maneuver herself and Beca around so that she could lay straight back pull Beca onto her chest leaving enough room for Aubrey to sleep beside them. Neither of them even thought to wonder where Beca’s roommate was.

The next morning Beca woke sweating from the amount of heat surrounding her. She tried to sit up only to be caught by an arm pulling her back down. Aubrey it seemed had pulled Beca off of Chloe in her sleep and now the three were spooning with Beca in the middle. Aubrey mumbled something about it being too early and Beca glanced behind her to see that her alarm clock read 9AM.

She groaned. Her dad was going to kill her for missing class again, but the thought was soon forgotten when Aubrey pulled Beca even tighter against her and laid a sleepy kiss on her forehead. Beca blushed brightly and was thankful that neither girl was awake to witness her struggle.

After a couple more minutes of trying to escape Aubrey’s grasp, Beca gave up and settled in to wait until the girls work up. Chloe was the first one to stir about twenty minutes later. She turned in her sleep to see Beca pouting slightly at her and she had to keep from laughing at her.

“Aubrey has a death grip in the morning,” Chloe whispered. Beca rolled her eyes like that was the most obvious thing Chloe had ever said. Aubrey moved slightly in her sleep and Beca’s eyes went wide as she glanced down slightly. This time Chloe really did laugh. Aubrey had managed to slip her hand under Beca’s shirt and was resting against her stomach, just over her belly button.

“Alright Aubrey,” Chloe finally said, full volume. “Time to let poor Beca go. You’re going to give her an aneurism if you keep this up.”

Aubrey’s mouth formed a smile as she opened her eyes. She’d been awake most of the last ten or so minutes having woken during Beca’s last attempt to get away. “Sorry,” she whispered. Beca shot her a glare. Aubrey wasn’t sorry at all and grinned.

Aubrey released Beca, despite wanting to lay there forever, and sat up to run her hands through her hair. Beca jumped around Aubrey and off of the bed. She grabbed her phone before stumbling out of the room. Chloe raised her eyebrows after Beca, but turned her attention to her phone when she heard it ping.

Had to pee.

Chloe laughed. “She’ll be right back.”

“Remind me not to sleep in jeans again,” Aubrey said as she slid off the bed. Lines dented the skin across her stomach and she rubbed them with a frown.

A minute or so later Beca stepped back into the room with a small smile on her face. She scratched the back of her head before looking up at the two women who had spent the night in her bed.

Sorry you guys had to sleep on my tiny bed.

“No problem, Becs,” Chloe said practically bouncing on the mattress. “We wanted to be here.”

“Actually,” Aubrey said, eyeing Chloe on the bed and the way Beca seemed particularly fascinated with the floor. “We kind of want to talk to you.”

Terror flashed across Beca’s face and she started to type a message onto her phone. Aubrey let her finish and glanced at it before facing Beca.

“It’s nothing bad,” Aubrey said and reached out to grab her hand. “I promise. In fact, hopefully, it’ll be something pretty great.”

Beca raised an eyebrow first at Aubrey and then to Chloe, hoping she would explain.

“It’s good,” Chloe said reaching out to grab Beca’s hands from Aubrey’s. Beca nodded slowly, allowing Chloe to pull her up onto the bed. Aubrey grabbed her desk chair and pushed in front of Beca before taking a seat.

Aubrey cleared her throat and clasped her hands in front of herself. “Chloe and I,” she said glancing over to her girlfriend. “Realized something yesterday, or last night rather. We know this may seem like a shock, but you’ve come to mean a lot to us in the last three weeks.”

“Like a lot, a lot,” Chloe added. Aubrey smirked because she knew the redhead was trying so hard to keep herself from bouncing next to Beca. Then she nodded and returned to Beca’s gaze.

“You know we’re together,” Aubrey stated and Beca nodded her head. Her eyes narrowed slightly. “You’re pretty much the only person who does know,” Aubrey added. “And we were wondering how you feel about us?” Each word Aubrey spoke was long and drawn out and Chloe almost felt the need to smack the back of her head to shake the words out.

Beca tilted her head back with a sigh. She hoped they would never bring this up. She was embarrassed. She shouldn’t have feelings for one woman in a relationship, let alone two.

“Becs, just be honest with us,” Chloe said tipping Beca’s head down to meet her eyes. After a second of eye contact with Chloe, Beca reached for her phone and typed out a haste message.

I’m sorry. I never meant to feel anything for either of you. I mean, I barely know you. What kind of crazy person falls for two women in a relationship with each other?

Aubrey quirked her lips as she read the message. This could work. They had a chance. “Beca,” Aubrey said. “We don’t want you to feel guilty about anything. We wanted to know because we genuinely care about you.”

“Like, care, about you,” Chloe tried to clarify, but only succeeded in making Beca more confused.

“What she means to say,” Aubrey said after sending a sharp look Chloe’s way. “Is that we both have feelings for you—romantic feelings.”

Beca let out a heavy breath and her eyes widened as she looked at Aubrey. She wasn’t serious right? Like, that wasn’t a thing—that couldn’t be a thing could it? She breathed deeply trying to calm her over-excited heart. She could hear the blood rushing in her ears and she almost felt a little faint, but then Aubrey was there in front of her holding Beca’s hand to her chest and she felt her breaths slowing down. She gave an apologetic grimace to Aubrey as she pulled away.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Aubrey said. “We did kind of just spring this on you with no warning. We’ve had a little time to get used to the idea.”

What does it even mean if you BOTH have feelings for me? Beca typed.

“Well,” Chloe said, taking the lead and speaking a little clearer this time. “We were hoping you might like to try dating us.”

“Both of us,” Aubrey added point between them. “But we would still be dating each other as well.”

Like a three-way.

Chloe smirked and opened her mouth to say what Aubrey anticipated as a lewd comment so jumped in ahead of her.

“Yes,” she explained. “We would all be dating each other. We would make up ground rules and communicate to make sure that no one feels left out or jealous, of course.”

“We don’t want to pressure you,” Aubrey continued. “If you need time to think about it, we understand.”

Beca nodded her head. I don’t think I need time.

“Oh…” Aubrey said. Disappointment marred her facial expression as she assumed the worst.

Ask me again.

“What?” Aubrey said, staring at her phone. 

Ask me again. She repeated. 

“Beca,” Chloe said hopefully, catching Beca’s blue eyes with her own. “Will you be ours?”

“Okay,” she said.

[peeterparkr]

clear|16|t.h.

Chapter 16: The Lighthouse.

pairing: surfer!tom x reader

word count: 4.4k

warnings: angst, fluff, cancer mention, anxiety, swearing maybe

summary: side-effects may include. 

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a/n: hi, thanks for reading this, this goes for the 3 people who still put up with my shit, thank you, and please please for the love of god please comment and reblog haha i NEED to know what you guys think

It’s weird, sometimes we see a person and we are willing to have them break our hearts, we know that it’s impossible to get out of their claws without getting hurt. But sometimes, we are willing to sacrifice ourselves only to feel a story, only to treasure the good times, for a dream. A broken heart can be turned into a beautiful work of art. 

Y/N was aware of that, if she turned her feelings into art everything would suddenly become pretty. Even if it doesn’t last. Was she sacrificing herself for that? She was willing to. She wanted to have everything with Tom. He was a dream come true in every possible way. She was dragging him out to the beach with her hand not leaving his, as she lead the way to a place where both of them could be alone just to stare at each other. She had decided to give it a go, to give life a chance to let herself fall in love. 

She knew that this was probably going to go wrong, but as soon as they were standing on the sand, with their fingers intertwining and their heartbeats synchronized, she realized it didn’t matter. 

“Why did you wake me up so early—y/n?” 

“Shh!” She kissed his lips to shut him up. “I wanted you to see this!” 

She pointed at the sky, still full of stars, as if the universe had delicately and precisely placed each star for them, creating a whole story, a work of heart, of art. 

“The stars,” Tom looked at them with confusion.

“Promise me this, every time we are apart you will look at them, we will be looking at them at the same time,” she said. 

“You’re assuming we will be apart,” Tom frowned. “But I will. I’ll think of you.”

She smiled as she sat down on the sand, then laid down. 

“Let’s count them,” she whispered as he sat beside her. “I feel like they’re shining for us.” 

“They are,” Tom smiled, pulling her close. 

“They’re the beginning, I like looking at them, they make me think about everything, about how we could heal, it’s silly but I still wish upon the stars.” 

There are times in which one needs to understand we don’t want to face situations but we have to. Life goes on challenging us with problems which we sometimes don’t have enough intelligence or maturity to solve. They’re sacrifices we have to take and debts to pay. We can’t live certainly, we don’t know if whatever is happening will lead us to what we want but we know it certainly leads us to where we need. 

She was never a firm believer of that, most of the time she believed that life wasn’t but her already made decisions leading her to a broken destiny that was waiting for her. However, seeing her reflection on Tom’s eyes she realized that something had to lead her to him. Whatever it had been, she knew it, it was as if his arms needed to be around her, as if they were destined only to hold her and only her, as if his hands had been made just to fit hers, as if his dry lips were only meant to kiss hers. As if she was supposed to heal them.

They had danced and they had kissed and they had forgotten about everything. She had, at least. Now she just wanted to enjoy the time with him. She had let her bare skin warm his, and his soft lips to tattoo her body. But she hadn’t slept, she couldn’t, she had kept all night looking at him, memorizing him, intoxicating herself with his scent. 

He was like a road trip, like the ones she used to love, a new adventure with music in the background. Where there’d be stops for ice cream and stops to see the view, the beautiful view, with thunderstorms and cold nights. 

But she feared the road trip would come to an end without a destination. And she had been reading about it, and writing about it, and painting about it. It just was too much to handle for her. 

She had talked to Jared. Jared had explained many things that she didn’t understand about Tom. And they were a lot that she would never understand. 

But she had listened to him, and she realized why exactly she was there. Because Tom needed someone as blue as him. She needed someone as broken as her. Looking at the stars gave her hope, as if a shooting star would change everything. She had woken him up and taken him out and there they were now, holding hands, covered only by the blankets they had brought with each other and the excuse of a t-shirt she had. 

She listened, to the ocean echoing, to the crickets singing and to Tom’s breathing. Colourful, blue. Calm and stormy. 

And she was waiting for the blue to change because eventually, it would. She stopped looking at him and looked beyond the sea, the dark blue sky was still above them, the moon was falling into his eyelashes, and the wind was curling upon his hair.

“I’ve never been up this early,” Tom said. 

“I do, I like watching the sunrise, gives me hope.” 

“Hope.” 

“Yes, and you should, too, each sunrise is a beautiful memory, a beautiful painting the sky offers us for free,” she explained. 

“You’re mental, y/n,” he laughed. 

“That would explain why I’m in love with you,” she said. “Bonkers.” 

“Crazy.” 

They stayed quiet again, leaving the moon to fade, waiting for the day to begin. She wondered if she could ask for a wish, because she knew exactly what she’d wish. For this to never stop, to be this simple, to listen to his breathing, harmonizing with the ocean. To be able to wake up someday in a nice porch where she’d be painting the sunrise that would eventually show up, where he’d probably join her with a cup of coffee, and he’d wrap his arms around her to kiss her cheek. He would sweep her off her feet to make her laugh and then they could dance to the fade music, to the old songs that once made her fall in love. 

Big dreams. 

But not even the sun had come out yet, they were still in the darkness. And she feared a lot of stuff, because the moon made his features shine, every single one of them. She saw his weakness. And she feared that the sun would never come out for them. 

“What would you wish?” She asked him. “If you knew that the stars could grant you one wish?” 

Tom bit his lip. “I don’t want to sound selfish.” 

“You won’t.” 

“For everyone to be right,” he said. “For the medicine to work, for me to have a second chance. A miracle.” He gulped. “Everything is so difficult, you know? Nobody really puts themselves in my shoes, I guess nobody really understands it, to know what it feels like dying.” 

She reached for his hand. 

“And to see you watching me die, I guess it’s even worse, to feel like it’s on me,” he continued. 

“It’s not.” 

“But it feels like, because—a part of me just thinks about this and you guys don’t deserve it, and sometimes it sounds too selfish but I don’t either, I don’t deserve this.” 

“You don’t.”

“But I don’t matter, not for me, at least, I know that, because if this is happening to me it’s hurting you, it’s hurting everyone around me.” 

“You’re more concerned about the people around you than you are for yourself, Tom,” she pointed out. 

“It’s a side-effect,” he said. “Of having cancer, I guess.” 

“We’ve never really talked about this,” she whispered. And she hadn’t been ready to listen to him sentencing those words. 

“Because we both know where it can lead,” he said. “And I’d rather much be kissing you than crying over my pathetic self.” 

“A very attractive pathetic self,” She nudged him. 

“You see, that’s why I like you, you didn’t see me as a side-effect, you didn’t see me as someone who had to be prized only because I’m dying.” 

She had to take a deep breath to listen to his words. But he was right, she guessed that even if they didn’t address the matter, he was still falling, he was still fading. 

“I’m just sure that you’re here for a reason, y/n,” he smiled slightly, “because even if I’m dying I’m sure I’m feeling alive again.” 

She looked away, to stare at the sea. “And I’m not feeling blue anymore.” 

“I guess I didn’t tell you because I felt like I didn’t have to, you know? I felt like if I didn’t tell you then it wasn’t real.” 

“I understand.” 

“People don’t really see it, that I have to wake up every day and see it and go ‘thanks I’m alive’, even if I didn’t want to thank anyone, I have to, and every day is a miracle, you know? And for everyone around me is a miracle, I see it, every day they’re watching the way they speak, the way they all smile at me..” 

“Except Jared,” she said. “He keeps treating you like shit.” 

“Because I asked him to,” Tom said. 

“To feel alive?” 

“Normal,” Tom admitted. “To feel normal, to keep being Tom. And even Jared doesn’t treat me like he did before.” 

“He cares for you,” she said. “You are his best friend.”

Tom shrugged. “You know why they keep helping me?” 

Y/n shook her head. 

“Because his mom was once me, and then, she was gone,” Tom said. 

“I thought she was in town,” y/n frowned. 

“In essence, she is,” Tom sighed. “It’s complicated, it’s the anniversary.” Tom shook his head. “He doesn’t care for me.”

“He does, or at least he cares for your family,” she explained. “He sees how you make everyone happy, you help him, Tom.” 

Tom gulped as the moonlight only reflected the tears about to come out, he looked at the stars. 

“It’s a side-effect,” he explained. “Everyone around you realizes it at some point and they’re all selfish enough to not want you to let go.” 

“That’s not a bad thing,” she repproached. 

“Guess it’s not, but I see it, I see them crying, I see them fearing, and sometimes it hurts even more than the bruises,” Tom said. “A side effect.” 

Y/n didn’t quite understand what he meant. 

 “I’d wish to be normal,” he looked away. 

She shrugged. “You are.” 

“You say that, yet we both know it’s not true, because I probably have 5 missed calls from my mother, and I have to take my meds in an hour, we know I’m not normal because you’re looking at me with that look of yours, worried, we both know we’re not normal because you brought a blanket just for me and you’re constantly touching my hand to make sure it’s warm.” 

Y/N stayed quiet, he was right. 

“We both know I’m not normal, everyone does, and I know that’s why you’re trying to show me the sunrise, because we don’t know how many sunrises I have left,” he said as she looked down. “But you are right, maybe it’ll give me hope, maybe each star we see will tell me that it’ll get better. And I thank you because you remind me that I’m not normal, yet you’re here trying to love me as if I was.” 

“You’re not your cancer, Tom,” she said. She wasn’t sure if he really meant his words, it seemed as if he was only telling her that only to satisfy her. 

“I know, but I’m not Tom either,” he popped. “You didn’t know me without it. Because that’s another side-effect, one which they don’t tell you at the doctor, you lose yourself.” 

“Are you sure?” She questioned him. “Because as long as I remember you’re a completely different person now than before I knew about it. You haven’t completely lost yourself, you just have to dig in enough.”  

Tom frowned. 

“You acted differently when we first met,” she pushed. “You’re a whole different person as if me knowing you’re dying actually kills you.” 

Tom frowned. “It--doesn’t. It’s the side-effects, the side-effects that come with it.”

“Think about it, Tommy, before you realized I knew about- the cancer-you were like any other boy trying to get laid, you were like any other summer romance, you’d be joking around all day, you’d be trying to be the most amazing boy to ever make me fall in love with, then after you realized I knew… you turned into a- kind of- an asshole, really, kicking me out of your place and everything.” 

Tom didn’t answer this time, he bit his lip. 

“You know I’m right,” she nudged him. “It’s alright, you freaked out, but I think you’re still all that, you’re still my summer fling, you’re still the guy with the curly brown hair, you’re the surfer and you’re that perfect smile of yours,” she grinned. “You’re all of that, in your own way, you are Tom. Sure, you might be fading away, but we all are, in our own way. And I’m not saying all of this to make you feel better, I mean it. You are truly a work of art, Tom Holland.” 

She debated whether or not to kiss him, but she didn’t, she just dedicated a glance at him before turning back to the ocean. 

“What would you wish?” He asked her, trying to change the subject. 

To never have to know another kiss, she thought. 

“To seize the moment,” she answered. “This moment.” 

He kissed her palm. 

“I’d never thought I’d be awake for the sunrise,” he admitted. “I never was someone to care for that.” 

“Yet everything splendid between us has happened in the early morning, with the moon covering us,” she pointed out. “Almost in time for the sunrise.” 

“But we always went to sleep, or our separate ways,” he chuckled.  

“Guess that’s a sign.”

He chuckled. “You’re so poetic.” 

“I fell in love with a poem, I’ve gotta live up to him,” she winked. Tom chuckled. 

“I wish you saw it,” he bit his lip looking at her, with wonder in his eyes. “I wish you saw everything I see in you, you’d realize then, the masterpiece you truly are” 

“And I’m the poetic one,” she laughed. Tom leaned over, and she felt his skin cold again. 

“The sunrise reminds us it’s another day, Tom,” she whispered. 

“I guess it is,” he said. “It’s weird how all of a sudden I had to value everything, yet it seems that you’ve always liked to enjoy the small things, from the first day I met you you would stop to smell the flowers, you’d reach out from the window to look at the clouds,” Tom described. “Always looking one last time at the ocean before you leave.”

“That’s what happens when you’re alone, you start to look at everything else,” she cleared her throat. “You start to see the beauty in the big world surrounding you.”

“Tell me about before,” he asked. “Tell me how it felt.” 

“To be alone?” She wondered as she let out a laugh. “Lonely.”  

Tom stayed quiet expecting her to elaborate. 

“I guess,” she shifted her position. “There’s a difference, at first I was alone, and I thought I could handle it all by myself, you know, me against the world? I don’t need anyone and then--I realized that nobody needed me, you know? Because you’re alone because you want to be, you’re lonely because you have no choice.” 

It was Tom’s turn to not know what to do. 

“Coffee tasted bitter, the paint wouldn’t colour anything, my hands would always be cold, and there was nothing to do about it,” she shrugged.

“My hands are cold, sometimes, too,” he nudged her. 

“Your hands are always cold.” 

He stared at her and gave her a slight smile. 

“But now I don’t feel lonely,” she spoke again.”and--okay, I have to thank you a lot for it, but I guess part of me realized that suddenly I have a choice again.” 

Tom smiled, his fingers playing with hers. “We should watch the sunset once, too, but really watch it.” 

“We have,” she chuckled. 

“No, not from the prettiest place here,” he argued. 

“And where is that?” 

“The lighthouse,” he chuckled, looking down. “Never taken anyone there.” 

“Am I the lucky one?” 

“We’ll see.” 

Until then, they kissed again. As if they had been dying to connect with each other. There was something in the air. There were no regrets. Kissing to the sound of the ocean, letting their hair be covered with sand and letting the moon bathe them. 

They had no time, they knew it. They had the summer sure, but the word “ending” crippled through their minds. They wouldn’t address it, but the fear was present. 

But they went back inside and fully dressed, they stayed on the porch waiting for the sun to paint them some hope, the warmth covered them. That gave them both time to think. But y/n wasn’t exactly sure what was roaming around Tom’s mind. 

“You should open your art gallery,” he said, as the sun was painting the sky pink.

“Hm?” 

“You told me, that if you could follow your dream you’d open your art gallery,” he said. “You have enough paintings this summer to open one,” Tom grinned. “We could take a few pictures, too.” 

“That would be nice.” 

“I mean it.” 

“So do I.” 

As soon as the sun was up, they went back to the basement where she took out the old paintbrushes. She took out the orange, the reds and yellows and Tom and her started to joke around and laugh and let the sunrise they had seen to cover the blue, he helped her paint , it was a mess. Just like them. He’d raise her to paint the highest place of the walls and they were all covered in paint. 

Suddenly it was good, it was fine. Suddenly the rest of their day was good again, they were eating ice cream, running through the beach, kissing, laughing, swinging on the old tire-swing outside Tom’s place. They’d play hide and seek, she drove him to the workshop where she’d say goodbye with a kiss. She started to plan out the gallery, with sketches here and there. They’d go swimming afterwards, he’d teach her how to surf, she’d paint him and they’d both end up those beside a fire, singing to Tom’s guitar and to the harmony of the ocean, with the moon hugging them.  

They took the seashells out and started tracing figures with them, the sun, the moon, their hearts. Whatever they would come up with, they had seashells to spare and the blue marks on the sand were creating a beautiful passage. And they took pictures of it as if her dream was the only sudden worry they had. 

Between kisses and laughs, they were living their dream. It was something extraordinary. 

Their fantasy wasn’t near an end, it couldn’t be. 

Friday morning came and Tom had arrived extra early to help y/n bake a cake for Joanne’s birthday. Y/n had not baked in a while and tom wasn’t exactly the best at it, but they were trying. Full of flour and sugar they ended up giving up and decided to make waffles instead. Harrison arrived, too. 

“Happy birthday to you!” They sang to Joanne. And y/n was reminded of her past. To the birthday parties when they were children and they’d laugh all night without worrying about tomorrow, without worrying about a boy.

And she suddenly felt as if Tom had been there for past birthdays because even if this was the very first time with them, he felt so familiar, so comfy. As if he had always been there, and she knew she wouldn’t want him away.

Haz had bought Joanne a present, a small bracelet and while he was handing it to her, Tom made a slight eye-contact with y/n. 

Y/n had to pause, taking in his sight. She had already memorized those crinkles by his eyes, or the way his hair would be messed up in just the slightest way. But it didn’t matter, she had to keep watching him, because he had transformed into an association, with a good day or a good smell. He was now one of the reasons she could finally say: “I’m happy again”. 

And she would keep that to herself because god forbid she’d ever say a man made her happy. But it was more than dating him, it was his sunlight, it was his smile and the way that he was also struggling. He was the air she needed when she was about to have her last breath. And he was so different, he owned the ocean, and he owned the skies but he was giving them out to her. It didn’t make any sense, at all. 

Joanne had gotten her back into reality, snapping her back from her trance, saying her goodbyes and running outside to Haz’s car. Her and Harrison were gonna go on a small road trip for her birthday. Nothing too far, just to another town near them. Joanne has said that it was beautiful. 

Honestly, it was just a beach nearby with small cottages that had lightbulbs hanging in the streets. But it was alright, y/n guessed. 

She didn’t have to go to know that her surroundings were beautiful. Besides, she needed to get emotionally ready for the party they’d have the next day. That and mentally prepare for Joanne to come at night to tell her everything. 

She had said goodbye with just one last kiss to Tom before focusing on her stuff, he had to go to his job and she had to paint. She was still trying to understand what exactly she was going to show in that gallery. She had opened up her MacBook and started to scribble. 

She was supposed to look out for a place where she could host it, a nice place to have her art gallery, she had promised that to Tom, instead, she started searching for the hospitals in London. Where was he supposed to go. 

She googled his cancer, she googled his stage and his symptoms, she googled every single detail, and each time she was typing and as she started reading and getting deeper and deeper into the subject, she was freaking out. She couldn’t stop reading, the words were just staining her, as if they were needles painfully poking her. 

And then she knew it.

She was going to lose him. She realized it then, he was right. She wouldn't treat him the same way. Because she was losing him, he was slowly fading out, like an old candle. 

And it started to revolve around her head. Reality hit, and it hit her hard. She couldn’t sleep that night, she didn’t answer his texts and she had pretended to have a headache to not listen to Joanne. 

The next day wasn’t any different, her mind would roam around the fact that she was going to lose him. And not only that, she realized just then, he meant everything to her. It’s stupid, it was stupid, nonsense. But he was just a boy, a boy who wanted to be normal, a boy who wished to be more than medicine, who wanted to be normal. And she’d have to be normal for him, she’d make his wish come true. She needed to be his remedy, she needed to heal him. But how was she supposed to do it? All her brain was going through now were white cells and blood cells. She needed to take care of him, she needed to get him to London. The world was so cruel, and she was a fuel. What was she supposed to do? There was no way to carry on now that she knew more about it. 

Could she face it again? Could she? 

“Y/n,” her sister had thrown a pillow at her, concerned. “You okay?” 

Y/n had looked up, slightly as she watched Joanne walk out of their shared bathroom as she was straightening her hair. The party would start in a few hours, meaning Joanne had barely any time to choose her outfit since it took her at least 3 hours.

“Sure,” y/n said the magical word that would get her out of any inconvenient conversation she didn’t want to have. 

Joanne stopped and dedicated her a cold stare, as if she had seen a ghost. Joanne gulped and looked around. “Uh, get dressed, Haz’s picking us up in about 2 hours.” 

“Oh, uh, Tom and I will meet up before the party, we said we would watch the sunset,” she lied with such ease. “I’ll get dressed and I’ll see you there, alright?” 

Joanne watched her sceptically but gave in. 

Y/n dressed with whatever and left. She needed to run away from her thoughts. Without even knowing her route, she ended up at the Lighthouse. She couldn’t breathe. It was Matty all over again, but this time she was aware it would happen. 

Because she hadn’t really believed it, she hadn’t really addressed it, as if she thought that by just loving him he would heal. But it didn’t work that way, no matter how much she loved him, no matter how many times she tried to heal him with kisses: Tom would be gone, Tom would be gone without her even knowing when. What’s more painful? Too sudden or too expected? 

The air was cold, something unexpected on a warm summer day. She had gone blind. And she felt as if the wind was making too much noise as soon as she was getting out of her jeep to touch the lighthouse near the water, near the rocks. Tom was calling her. She couldn’t answer. She threw her cellphone into the car and she kept walking.  

She was drowning again, she felt the water suffocating her. Tom wasn’t there to save her now, nobody was around, and there was no water, just the one splashing from the waves. She wasn’t ready. She would never be. 

And the sun was about to set, and she feared that it would set on them too, she didn’t want it to end. And she was watching it alone, she was alone again. And she feared she’d never get to watch a sunset with him. He had been right, it looked pretty. 

She was aware of it now, it was the side effect he had meant. And it was the worst side-effect that she didn’t even need to face yet: she was alone, watching a sunset by the lighthouse. 

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[ducktracy]

40. you’re too careless with your kisses! (1932)

release date: september 10th, 1932

series: merrie melodies

director: rudolf ising

starring: n/a

after two bosko’s in a row, we’re back to merrie melodies, this time with you’re too careless with your kisses!. a drunk bee comes home to his upset wife, who discovers she needs him after all after being kidnapped by a menacing ladybug.

in pure prohibition-era fashion, the cartoon opens with a bee staggering home drunk. he swings across some flower stems and slides down a few lavenders along his way. the visuals are amusing, especially the bee getting close to the camera as he swings around on a flower stem, but the scene drags on longer than it should, loosening the comedic timing. like in all of these shorts, the music makes the scene bearable.

he comes home to his hive as quietly as he can, sneaking up to bed. to reduce any noise, he takes off his shoes and scales the staircase in his socks, yet the shoes take a life of their own and follow him as he shushes them. towards the top, the bee tumbles over the staircase (which, inebriated as he may be, i can’t fault him for. whatever genius architect who built the hive forgot to put a banister in) and lands on a couch cushion, which springs out of place and propels him to the top.

mission accomplished, the bee sneaks into the bedroom without waking up his wife. that is, until he trips, sounding an alarm clock and the curtains to raise.

his wife immediately identifies the problem, and scolds him for getting into the spiked honey again (also revealing that his name is wilbur, not to be confused with the bratty kitten that makes bosko’s life a living nightmare). visibly upset, wilbur’s wife begins to sob. wilbur attempts to rationalize things, protesting “but honey—“ to which she snaps “don’t you honey me!” can’t go wrong with bee puns.

launch the musical sequence, where the wife sings “you’re too careless with your kisses” as she cries. the vocals are questionable as always, yet the song remains catchy. wilbur, of course, tries to kiss her and make up, but she isn’t having it, getting undressed and insisting that she’ll have to do his work for him. the drunk wilbur just laughs and says “ain’t that just like a woman?” oh, you 30s cartoons and your dated jokes!

a beautiful chorus of harmonized voices finish where the wife left off in the song as she passed by various flowers, lowering the bottom half of her body to scoop some honey and lifting it back up again.

heavy rain interrupts the bee’s duties, and she hurriedly seeks shelter in a sketchy house, inhabited by a sleazy ladybug (identical to the spider in red-headed baby). the ladybug snags the key and swallows it, ensuring the bee can’t escape. it seems every cartoon has a kidnapping of some sort! i need to start a tally of how many kidnappings we’ve seen so far.

the bee senses trouble and seeks a closet for safety. i love this next line. the ladybug follows her, and before he corners her in the closet he turns to the audience and sneers “ahhhhh! they tell me i’m crazy, but i’m NOT! ...much!”. what a good line! reminds me of daffy’s quip in daffy duck and egghead where he remarks “i’m not crazy, i just don’t give a darn!”.

following her, the ladybug shuts the door behind them, blacking out the scene. he tells her “aha, and now you’re in the hands of the (????? it sounds like he says deal bow?) maestro.” obviously, as you can tell by my use of question marks, i can’t quite make out what he’s saying, but his use of a smooth fit for radio drawl tells me it’s a reference to some sort of radio program. i haven’t found any information anywhere on this, so for now we can only ponder its existence.

back to wilbur, who hears his honey ( :) )’s pleas for help. he uses a flower as a trumpet to call together all the bees in the area to save his girl. a beehive deflates as a steady stream of bees pour out of it.

the ladybug hears the oncoming herd of insects and goes outside to investigate, becoming furious. wilbur grabs a thorny vine and drags it through the ladybug’s legs, shredding his crotch to pieces. god, i twinge each time i see this gag, it’s painful (but in a good way).

diving into a bucket that’s floating in a pond, the ladybug whips out a rifle and shoots aimlessly, hoping to scare off his attackers. one by one the bees take off like fighter jets, shooting alcohol and peas (above) to scare him off. i love the sound effect of the machine gun noises in synchronization with the peas being fired off. treg brown would become the best sound editor later on in the 30s, but bernard brown and dale pickett did a great job here too.

one group of bees is armed with dynamite, which they drop onto the ladybug below. the bucket explodes and falls into formation around the spider, forming a guillotine. the bees celebrate and iris out as a possible execution is left up to our wandering minds.

this wasn’t the most riveting of merrie melodies, but it certainly wasn’t the driest either. it had a good plot going on, which seemed to be even more of a focus than the song. i wonder if this is when they were starting to feel obligated to incorporate songs into the cartoons? the music is addictive as always, and there were some fun visuals towards the end as things picked up. “i’m not crazy... much!” is a great line. ultimately, it isn’t the cartoon to end all cartoons, but there are worse out there. i feel pretty indifferent towards it, i’ve seen it once and probably won’t see it again, but don’t let that deter you if you’re curious!

[trixcuomo]

The Kaja-Cola Flava Girls Reunite

((Welcome to my very fangirl headcanon for Trixany and my femme alts. Something cute, needlessly complex, and over-the-top for you to enjoy <3...))

Daily Mail Org: Zug zug folks, here we have it! Hot off the presses... the Kaja-Cola’s premier girl-band that helped spread the message of this exceptional Goblin party drink beyond Kezan, beyond Goblin lands, and tear into new world markets... And I mean literally, last week. They almost danced a man to death on the Stormwind tram in order to sell him Kaja-Cola... They’re back! In The Daily Mail Org studio today, we have all six of the original Flava Girls. Well, not so original--the newest addition, lucky lady number seven, is a beautiful Nightborne goddess.

Arcana Mama: Haha--yes, Arcana Mama. That would be me.

Daily Mail Org: Wow, she even has a sweet speaking voice.

Flava Girls: *all giggle and cheer*

Daily Mail Org: This is amazing. Your old fans, especially the Trixany Cuomo fangirls and fanboys out there, have to be thrilled. Today, the Flava Girls are officially no longer a throw-back.

Trixany: That sounds a little insulting, you know. We’re just grown--we’re all full-grown ladies! *laughs* We know what we want and we’re not taking any prisoners this time. Right, ladies?

Flava Girls: *wild cheers, wolf-whistle*

Daily Mail Org: Oh, of course! That’s what I meant. And Trixany has been the lead singer. It’s her successful parody career that ignited the spark for the Flava Girls to come back, am I right? You wanna talk about that, Trixany?

Trixany: Well, it’s no secret that the band sort of went its own way when I broke out. I wanted to go solo, see what I could do. But the girls were always there for me, we kept in touch...

Daily Mail Org: Uh, really? You destroyed their careers single-handed and we’re supposed to believe you were having wine-and-cheese nights, holding hands, crying on each other’s shoulders?

Mega Meghan Mango: *husky Tauren voice* Spiritually, we were always connected. Even when we weren’t talking to each other, we were attuned to what was going on in each other’s lives. The band wouldn’t be here today if I didn’t get on the scrying orb one time and tell Trixany, “Look. I can see what that rivalry with Haris Pilton is doing to you. I can see it crushing your soul, Trix. This isn’t you.”

Trixany: Oh my gods, she’s so right. I can’t believe I forgot about that! Now I remember, that was Meghan and Jojo, right? Where’s Mojo Jojo? Why are you sitting way back there, girl? Come on, scoot up so they can see you.

From left to right: Mojo Jojo (Troll), Shuga Slam (Orc), Fiesta LimeTrixany (Blood Elf), Cocoa Crush (Goblin), Mega Meghan Mango (Tauren).

Mojo Jojo: *chill Troll voice* Ya, ya, mon. Dat was me and Meghan. I asked miss Trixany-mon, ‘What joo gonna do about dat nasty richmon Haris? Dis needs to stop right hea, right now.”

Trixany: And Jojo, you said something about a loa... By the Sunwell, I can’t remember that part exactly, it was good too--

Org Daily Mail: Did Mojo Jojo try to sign you up with Bwonsamdi, Trixany? That sounds more like a career-ending move to me.

Mojo Jojo: *cackles wildly*

Trixany: That’s not at all what she did--

Mojo Jojo: No, no. I tol’ her that she betta make a bargain with Kimbul quick so the tiga loa can tear dat witch up for spreadin’ dose rumors.

Arcana Mama: Oh my word... No she didn’t!

Shuga Slam: *orcish accent* Yes, she did. She did it for the Horde!

Trixany: Hahaha...

Cocoa Crush: *goblin siprano* Yeah, that’s totally something Trix would do anyway on her own. If not Kimbul, then she would have paid the Goblin mob or something--

Trixany: Oh my Garrosh--Don’t say that out loud!

Org Daily Mail: Wait, did she? What’s that sly smile, Trixany?

Trixany: Okay, so I did sign on with Kimbul for a while during BFA--um, didn’t everyone?--and maybe Haris Pilton’s career did tank for a while. But was it a coincidence? You decide. Remember when she fell off the stage during that Consortium fashion show last spring? *shrugs* I don’t know if I believe in the loa stuff. As a Blood Elf, I guess it’s probably against my brand--

Mojo Jojo: Ya, I don’ tink you should claim dat.

Trixany: ...But at least now Haris does. She’s a devout believer in Kimbul. I hear she’s sworn never to go to Zuldazar, for fear of him.

Org Daily Mail: ...Ouch. But Trix, can you finish up the story for us? What happened to make you go to the Kaja-Cola Company and get the band back together?

Cocoa Crush: No, I should tell this part. Trixany wasn’t actually thea.

Trixany: *frowns, but tries not to say anything*

Org Daily Mail: What’s this? More sibling drama!

Cocoa Crush: I told the Kaja-Cola Company that people need thoughtless entertainment these days. Tha kinda fluffy, pathetic, ‘I’m dancing in a tube-top, look at me’ stuff that only my big step-sista Trixany could provide. And they agreed with me. Let’s not lie, I’m the brains hea. The fourth war was hard on everyone, and it was about the only way the company could get people to start drinking Kaja-Cola again.

Trixany: ...Yes.

Org Daily Mail: Trixany? Is that all you have to say?

Trixany: Legally, yes. That’s how it happened. Except for that tube-top jab my sis squeezed in there--

Coca Crush: After you drunk butt-dialed the Kaja-Cola Company for the last time, you betta be lucky I’m still even speakin’ to ya. I’m always cleaning up my step-sister’s drama. Ironic, too. They were getting ready to call Horde Records and have them drop her butt!

Shuga Slam: Ouch. Sounds like it’s always lok’tar ogar at the Cuomo house.

Trixany: Grr...

Cocoa Crush: But! I also saved my step-sista’s career. And now I’m officially the underwriter, so I’ll get the song credits I was supposed to be getting this whole time.

Cocoa Crush (Troll), Arcana Mama (Nightborne), Fiesta Lime Trixany (Blood Elf), Shuga Slam (Orc), Mega Meghan Mango (Tauren)

Black Cherry Dahlia: *smokey Forsaken voice* Nobody has asked about me yet. Or why I’m always getting cut off in all the publicity photos!

*girls screaming, then the male Orc interviewing starts yelling too*

Shuga Slam: Actually, why am I screaming? Me and my fangs get cut off on the other side of the photo if it’s not spooky Dahli getting cropped out.

Cocoa Crush: Eh, blame the KCC. They mix it up dependin’ on tha demographic they’re selling Kaja-Cola to.

Org Daily Mail: Blood and thunder! Black Cherry Dahlia? You’re a damned scary dame. I’m even impressed! How’d you even get into the studio? You weren’t here before? I could swear it--

Black Cherry Dahlia: I’m more than ready to spread Kaja-Cola products through Forsaken lands like the mighty Plague we all know and love.

Meghan Mega Mango: Do we... Does anyone love the Plague? Officially?

Mojo Jojo: You gotta take dat kinda stuff up with Bwonsamdi, dat not be in my contract, Undead-mon.

Shuga Slam: I’m not commenting, either. I’m Frostwolf Clan by birth, and I don’t need that kind of drama following me around on the Orc social media streams. If Eitrigg or Thrall unfriends me, I’m dead. Black Cherry, will you tone it down! It was bad enough when Sylvanas burned that tree. Don’t go burning our careers down! Again!

Org Daily Mail: One last thing. My producer is telling me now that you all have secret identities when you’re not out saving the world with your music. Care to go into detail?

Trixany: Other way around. We’re already strong fighters for the Horde. Saving lives, our lands, our people--that’s a daily thing. Our real names--I guess except for mine I suppose--those are the secret. But everyone knows our stage names.

Org Daily Mail: That doesn’t make any sense. Here ya go, while we try to figure this one out... We’re going to play some more Flava Girls footage in the background for the people streaming at home on their scrying orbs.

Trixany: Yes it does so make sense! It’s like... Jem and the Holograms but it’s flipped around. They were a band but nobody knew they were actually running around helping people, right?

Cocoa Crush: I told Trixany not to bingewatch that Jem show while she was drinkin’. *sigh*

Org Daily Mail: I’m pretty sure it’s the exact same thing, NOT flipped. You’re musicians, but you also have secret identities for when you’re fighting your enemies. This whole time, I never called any of you by your real names.

Trixany: Anyway, come see us perform. And if any of you fans out there recognize one of us in real life too, please don’t out us! We need to keep our true stage identities secret in order to play the happy, sassy music that we do.

Org Daily Mail: I’m still confused.

Arcana Mama: Yes, I think Trixany just really wants the ‘magical girl’ element as part of our aesthetic. It’s okay.

Trixany: There are wants and needs, Arcana. ‘Magical girl’ is a need for me.

Org Daily Mail: Alright! Well, thanks for coming into the studio, ladies. We look forward to seeing your heavily synchronized dances and auto-tuned voices wherever the Horde needs joy. Can you sing a little something for us before you go? Or, does that need to go through rehearsals and a pre-recorded lip-synching session first?

Black Cherry Dahlia: We’d better do it. This grimy Orc has been insulting us the entire time, ladies. I think he needs correcting. *cracks knuckles, neck super loudly*

Flava girls: *Trixany counts out a beat first, then they all hold hands and harmonize* Nobody loves Azeroth better I'mma stick with Malfurion forever Nobody gonna take Azzy higher That's why you're my Shan'dooo Only Malfy appreciates her Forget Tyrande--my archdruid baby! Nobody ever healed Azeroth this way No Shan'don't. He's my Shan'dooo!**

Org Daily Mail: LOKTAR!! Wow, that’s... all kinds of meta and complicated, yet LIT! It’s even cross-faction. I love it!! Tyrande won’t--but hey! Let’s hear it for the Kaja-Cola Flava Girls, everybody!

*The girls stand, still holding hands, and they curtsey beautifully. Then tall Meghan suddenly picks up a squealing Trixany. The other girls cheer and shake Kaja-Cola bottles. They spray a rainbow of tropical soda on everything*

All the Flava Girls: Arcana Mama (Nightborne), Mojo Jojo (Troll), Cocoa Crush (Goblin), Fiesta Lime Trixany (Blood Elf), Mega Meghan Mango (Tauren), Shuga Slam (Orc), Black Cherry Dahlia (Forsaken)

((**Parody song is Shan’dooo by Trixany @trixcuomo​))