#and then u can basically break and un-break it as u please

[piplupod]

shoutout to the time i thought juggalos were just a random type of clown in the same way rodeo and pierrot is, and I off-handedly mentioned them in a conversation about clowns to one of my DQ managers when I worked there, and she fucking lost her mind laughing and I was like. damn. I didn't think my joke was THAT funny but okay. and then I never looked up what a juggalo actually was until just last year, like four years after I'd stopped working at that place 🧍

[iwas-princess]

hi ok so u said u want requests so here I am

how ab rin n u are in a argument and he says that ur clingy or annoying and u cry then he comforts u?

suna rintaro • all too well

“just drop it, princess.” he sighed, his sweaty palms slapping against the marble counter tops of the kitchen as your voice rose with each word you spoke.

“no! you told me that we would go to dinner today all week long, then canceled because you wanted to play a dumb game, rintaro! that’s horrible. you’re horrible to me-“

“i am not horrible to you by all means. you’re just so goddamn clingy all of the fucking time that i can never get any fucking space whenever i need it. then, when i’m actually too drained to go anywhere because you’re so fucking annoying that it actually drains my battery, you get all pissy and start claiming that i don’t do anything for you. as if i hadn’t just drove two hours out of my way yesterday to go to a stupid fucking target because ours didn’t have the- what was it? oh yeah- the worthless rug you wanted.” he ran his hands through his hair frustratedly, his back still turned to your dolled up figured as you stood behind him. “we go out on dates every week, i don’t under why you have to throw a fucking temper tantrum over this specific one, which is basically your own fault that we missed it by the way. so maybe, for future references, shut the fuck up more often if you want to go on weekly dates still. because honestly, the way shits going lately, even five hours in the same room with you can leave me so exhausted for a-“

the sob the left your lips and interrupted his rant, caused him to pause, his heart nearly stopping at the sound.

he hadn’t realized majority of what he was saying as he spoke, his mouth moving before his brain registered what he was saying and who he was say it to.

you were his princess, the one person that he had never minded going above and beyond for without complaint as he held your hand the whole ten hour drive to wherever you asked of him, you sweet smile beaming at him as you told him about everything on your pretty mind and gushed over him. he never minded, not even when you asked for the stupidest things and spoke about things he didn’t care about for hours on end— he never minded.

how could he have been so cruel?

you were sensitive, more delicate than any other girl he had ever met in his life. he had to choose his words carefully and kindly explain things to you, always. and until today, he had never found himself growing irritated with your slower mind or sensitive nature.

in fact, he found it lovely.

he turned around, facing the heart wrenching sight of a broken lover in front of him.

your makeup wad ruined, the waterproof mascara you bought for tonight failing it’s purpose and running down your foundation covered cheeks as you cried uncontrollably, your fragile heart wounded and breaking with each breath you took.

never had he ever given you any reason to believe that you were anything but wonderful in his eyes, and the newly discovered truth changed your whole perception.

what if everything you’ve ever thought you had was nothing but a mere lie to savor your feelings?

the wonderful princess treatment he provided you made your foolish heart swoon and he filled your every thought with each action of service he gave you, and now… now it was seemingly all a lie.

“baby, please-“ his voice was gentle now, a quick transition from the harsh tone a moment ago.

you interrupted him with the face of your palm, holding your hand in the air childishly before speaking.

“don’t.”

the broken sound of your now soft voice caused rintaro’s stomach to drop, a deep guilty feeling already developing in his bones, surly growing as the hours ticked by.

“princess, please, i’m-“

“oh, s-so now i’m your princess? i th-though that i was annoying and dr-drained you.” you snapped, your voice quivering and hiccuping as you spoke through sobs.

he sighed at the reminder of his past words, his heart crushing underneath the pressure of his rising guilt.

“i didn’t mean it, i swear. i-i-i love you, angel, please. just stop crying, it’s oka-“

“no it’s not! you-you hurt me rintaro, really bad twice tonight. i-i don’t think i can ever forgive you.”

his whole world felt like it tilted, a large semi falling off the sideways road and crushing him once the words left your mouth.

‘you hurt me, rintaro’

the sadness in your voice as you said his name hurt him beyond belief, like a knife carving into his skin slowly.

he took an oath to himself the moment he fell in love with you that he would never hurt you, and would wish death upon those who dared to.

if he could, he would’ve kicked his own ass violently for saying all of the stupid shit he did, even dumping his body over the nearest river for making his princess cry.

he needed to hold you, tell you it’s alright and he’ll make everything better, like he always had. hot chocolate and your favorite romcom while snuggled with him and a stuffie always did the trick, making you forget all about your woes and giving them to suna to take care of come morning.

and boy, did he ever take care of your issues…

to recall every occurrence would be nearly impossible, for there are far too many where people had remorselessly stepped on your fragile feelings without any apology— until your rinnie dealed with them, that is.

he took a few steps towards your shaking figure, watching in agony as you sobbed to yourself over his inconsiderate words.

you looked beautiful tonight before the fight, your dress hugging your curves wonderfully and the matching jewelry set he bought you last week was accessorizing you just how he imagined it would. it truly broke his whole being to watch you fall apart, let alone considering the high hopes you had for the evening given your appearance.

taking a few more impulsive steps forward until he reached only about two feet away from you, suna watched as you began to compose yourself finally, your eyes opening and tears falling freely as your gaze set on the white tiles of the floor.

he gave you a few minutes to gather your thoughts, knowing all too well your crying habits.

“i don’t think i can ever forgive you, rintaro.” you mumbled, voice hoarse and shattered.

“i-i know, i know, baby and i’m so so sorry, truly.” he quickly responded.

“you were mean.. so mean.”

you fumbled with the satin sleeve of your dress, tears slowing their rapid pace but no where near finished yet as they rolled down your plump cheeks.

“i never thought you would be mean, rin. not to me, ever. but… i guess i don’t know you as well i thought.”

“what? no, no, princess-“ he rushed over to your side, ignoring the alarmed look on your broken face as you looked at him wide eyed. “you know me, okay? you know me better than anyone, don’t let my moronic outburst make you think any different, my love. what i said was horrible. it was horrible and i never ever should have said those things to you because they weren’t the truth, i swear on everything. i-i love you, and you’re not annoying, ever. in fact, i don’t think i can get enough of you talking or asking me to do things for you. i love catering to my princess and i don’t know why i said otherwise at all. okay?”

his hands cradled your face carefully, as if he’d brake you even more if he was even a slight bit rough, his thumbs stroked away your tears as they trickled down and left black streaks. he didn’t mind the messy look you adorned, not as much as he minded the cause of it.

you let out a soft hiccup.

“i love you too, rin. but, i-i can’t think of you the way i used to. not after…” you trailed, trying to avoid the mention of specifics in order to keep yourself from sobbing once more.

his eyes squeezed shut at the realization of your future.

“can we try? please, princess? i-i need you to breathe, to-to live. taking care of you has been my only reason for smiling, please. i’ll do anything.”

you sighed shakily. you knew well enough that you couldn’t live with your doting boyfriend either, his care and love would be too missed and your heart would be crippled for all eternity. suna was your only love, the only man who ever showed you how much you were truly worth and that it was okay to be dependent and need help. you loved him more than anything in the entire universe, nothing could change that— not even this.

it was sad, really.

“we’ll have to, rin. because i can’t live a day without you. you were right though, i am clingy. i cant go two minutes without asking for a kiss or looking at you, and i’ll work on it-“

“don’t. don’t you ever stop craving to be near me, princess. i love it, i really do. i have no clue why i denied that i do, baby girl. you’re everything to me and i want you to touch me all the time, so please don’t stop.” he whispered, his hazel eyes looking deep into yours.

instinctively, you captured his lips in a gentle kiss, as usual routine whenever he reassured you that you were his perfect dream. you hadn’t even realized your mistake until it was too late and suna’s arms were wrapping around you tightly, a wordless way of apologizing once more.

but this time you felt it, you felt that he meant he was sorry and would beat himself up every day until he died for hurting you.

you melted in his hold, arms eventually sliding on his back and pulling his closer for the emotional support he always provided you.

the strong scent of his cologne filled your stuffed nostrils, a warm, fuzzy feeling replacing the cold and devastated emptiness you once felt moments prior.

this wasn’t healthy, you forgiving him so quick, you knew it too. but, suna wasn’t like the other men who repeated their regrets, he actually loved you and kept his word.

which is why you chose to stay and heal, eventually trusting him with your sensitive heart again with time.

[auspex]

Multiples of nine for Mark!!!

WHEW this took me 4ever im sorry. some good ones in here! :D Thank you

-

9. when in their life were they most scared?

I struggled with this one because there are a lot of contenders and it somewhat depends on the type of fear. The most horror they felt was probably standing over Sampson’s unconscious injured body after almost having drank from him (which would have killed them) and entering hunger frenzy. The most fear he felt in a more visceral way, for his life, was early on in his embrace, during the coup where the then-prince was ousted and the coterie was caught in the crossfire- since he was just turned I imagine that even though he’s been in other (un)life threatening situations that one was the scariest. And finally the most dread he probably felt was when entering Gaius’s lab, he confronted a large troll who was blocking the exit.. Thankfully that worked out cause it was Kyle. But Mark thought he was SO screwed.  -

18. what dish brings back the best memories for them? Mark got cookies from the neighbors one day and in his memory, its the best food he’s ever had. But I’m not sure if that brings up the best memories necessarily. Hm. 

I’ll say that he had some sort of celebration dinner after defending his PhD with Dr. Armatto and, whatever he had then, would be the dish that brings back the best memories for him. Not that he could eat it now in the same way :( I will decide what that is later… maybe some expensive steak that he wouldn’t normally buy for himself. -

27. how do they usually dress? why do they dress the way they do?

Answered!

-

36. how do they fidget?

Answered!

-

45. what lies do they tell themselves?

A few right now! Mark loves telling himself lies. I’ll go with the two most delicious ones. One that is VERY important for him to keep up: “I am trying to kill Julius but I don’t have to tell him that because it could never succeed because of how all-powerful he is. I should in fact NOT tell him I am trying to do this because then he would have to limit me, and I am useful to him right now. Limiting me would only hurt him and he should not do that because it is good to help him. Ergo, it is fine to hide that I am trying to kill him, from him, as he is in no actual danger.” 

He is intentionally keeping that one up so he can try to break free of Julius without dying YAYYY his skills in Repression have helped him. 

As well: “I enjoy hanging out with Cassidy because of our shared interests only and because there isn’t anyone else I could do that with right now. I am keeping an appropriate amount of caution and distance with a kindred far older than me. I am only wondering why he is gay because of recent comments he made and I have no investment in the outcome. I only gave him a whole TV because it was a very simple thing for me to do to make someone else very happy and also perhaps he manipulated me. But if he did it was only a small thing that doesn’t matter. It is ok. He cannot manipulate me further because I have normal, platonic, feelings for him, and can keep an emotional distance.” 

I love u Mark my god… u fool. 

-

54. how important is money in their life? do they save up for ages, or spend quickly?

Well, Julius gives him a monthly income of thousands of dollars because money is nothing to Julius and he doesn’t want Mark to have to worry about mundane things. However, Mark can’t save money this way - Julius just basically replaces whatever Mark spent that month. 

He will get income from his territory once that is finally set up as well which he could actually keep month to month I think!

Mark has good discipline about saving money so if he needed to he could. Right now he just considers it one less thing to worry about, thank god. 

-

63. what’s a meme or tiktok or vine (or whatever) that you associate with them?

Answered! 

[actualbird]

Now that you've gone over how you think all the boys would be as cats (because thats the most important thing here) will you PLEASE go back through how they became cats, the ensuing panic/mania, and the plot point of mc now having 4 cats in her apartment and having to figure out how to un-cat-ify them all (and take care of them in the meantime) I am begging you... not all at once tho I have a feeling that it's gonna be way too long

OKAY SO how the NXX Cat-ification Bonanza happens is because of

it's just a

it's a normal thing yknow

an au where turning into a cat is normal

this au exists, it's a thing, trust me, look theres even an ao3 tag for it

according to the er, progenitor of this au, this au is basically the canon universe but "every human on earth turns into a cat for a month at a random point in their lives and it's just an accepted thing." cool awesome this is exactly what i need

moving on

so with this au in mind the ensuing panic is a little bit subdued it's less of "holy shit we're cats" and more of "uuugh it's Cat Time, i guess," and the thing that causes actual panic is that. all the nxx boys, for some frigging reason, get hit with Cat Time on like

the same frigging day

the nxx investigation team, all of them, are pulling an all nighter for one of their cases and mc is like "guys, im gonna take a nap for an hour" and the boys are like yes go rest pls and so she does she takes a nap and when she wakes up and goes back to the meeting room

theyre all cats. it's Cat Time. for all of them. all at once.

what are the fucking chances.

mc takes them all home because she knows luke and artem and vyn live alone and have nobody to help them out during Cat Time and marius (who lives in a mansion with many people who can help him) is like WAIT NO IF THEYRE GOING WITH U I WANNA GO TOO DONT LEAVE ME AAAAAAAAA just frigging cat-erwauling until mc is like oh my god okay fiiiiiiine

so now she has 4 cats in her apartment!!! and in this au the boys retain their human minds so theyre like, behaved and stuff. the only thing is that some instincts are Heightened, like emotions and senses but most especially the desire for physical touch, which is why my original post on this au is Like That.

with this convenient au in place bc itll be over naturally, mc doesnt have to figure anything out anymore, she just kind of has to deal with 4 cats that are actually 4 men in love with her.

each of them, in their own way, makes her blood pressure rise.

vyn and marius are constantly battling for her attention and end up in (started by marius, mostly) catfights that she has to break up. vyn pretends it never happened when it's over and marius is just constantly trying to knock things off tables at the exact moment vyn is under them so that he can get knocked in the head.

artem is the world's sulkiest cat and he worries mc a lot, like shes pretty sure that artem doesnt know that, in this form, every time he has a Feeling, he starts warbling. artem cant repress in this form. it's painful for everybody involved.

and once luke gets over the fact that he, for now, wants to eat his own pet bird, he acts more like a DOG than a cat kajsbfkajskfa. awake at 5:30am on the dot swishing his tail back and forth waiting for mc to wake up because aHA HES GONNA BE FIRST TO GREET HER WITH A MEOW!! BEAT THAT, EVERYBODY!!!

it's a very long month for mc KJBKJSDGD

[junnibook]

Pt.2 Can I request nsfw alphabet's For 1.hawks 2.iwa-chan 3.daichi 4. SHIGARAKI!!

Shigaraki Tomura nsfw alphabet.

A/n: have fun you dust loving reader 🙏🏼

Q: would you force skin care on him?

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

wait, your alive? like your not a pile of dust on his bed? wow okay.. well firstly his aftercare sucks, just saying, he doesn’t care to stay around and if he does have deep feelings for you it would still suck because he’ll either go do “work” or he’ll play the game. his way of after care is keeping you alive so don’t push it.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

he likes your boobs and your face. one he’s like a child and most children cling to their mothers chest plus he likes the size and how they feel. they do have a lot of bite marks. he likes your face because of all the fear and emotions you show him. he cant get enough of that, make those faces for him more often. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

he’s a messy boy. okay so one his cum would taste overly salty so if your a swallower get a cup of water because your gonna need it, two its super thick for no reason at all. he likes to leave his cum any and everywhere. he doesn’t came if it’s messy. you turned him on, purposely so that’s your problem.

D = Dick size ( the size of their dick)

he’s above average and isn’t too thick but makes up for it in length. i wouldn’t say he’s a proud boy he honestly doesn’t care if he’s big or not, if someone had somethings to say they could gladly be turned into a pile of ash and he would pee on it it and move on with his ashy day.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

none, the boy doesn’t like people before he met you or whom ever, he was like a needy wild animal he had it the first time, didn’t know how to act. just humping away feeling that good ol pleasure and was blinded by it, yea if you had your first with him than he would 100% be rough with you... masochist.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

he quickly finds out that he likes to be deep into you- like fully into you, he likes mating press the most, just be on birth control because he doesn’t like condoms like at all. im sure you don’t want any baby shiggys running around turning children into dust right?

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

no way, not a chance. you won’t catch him being goofy at all. he has his DICK out and is showing himself to YOU. be glad that you made this far, don’t test him by trying to be goofy. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

100% not shaved or trimmed. why would he? he’s a busy man plus he doesn’t care like at all.. if you have a problem with it shave it your self other than that don’t say anything abt it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

N O he doesn’t know romance it’s not in his mind set. the most he will do that you can call romantic is go easier and or softer on you. if your looking for emotional sex for comfort or something.. get you a side piece and use them for that one thing

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

yea he does, it’s a stress relief and on his pettiest of days he’ll leave his cum near you. he wouldn’t care if you thought it was gross, he’ll leave his cum by you and move on with his day.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

he likes: praise kink, because he likes no he loves when you praise him for making you go dumb over his dick. 

he likes giving you just a little pain.. he likes the literal tears in your eyes. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

anywhere he pleases which is mostly in his room. all for one told him off the last time he fucked in public since people got a half a look at his face. but if he wasn’t told not to he’d fuck you in public. “ show the hero’s how you take dick from a villain”  

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

anything- he’s so easily turned on, but if he’s playing the game and you try and distract him- he takes that as a threat and literally will sit on you so that you can’t move- or if he’s angry and almost won and you made him lose, he’ll grab you by the neck, have his thumb dangerously close to the rest of his fingers on your throat pull you close and look into your eyes. “stop being annoying before i makes you regret it “ 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

sit down loves he isn’t a bottom nor does he want to try it out, he’s top and if you don’t like it - leave {btw you cant leave because he literally won’t let you} he also doesn’t eat you out- he thinks it’s gross-

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

his head is terrible, he hates eating you out AND him fingering you is like Russian roulette, his thumb might accidently meet up with the rest of his fingers and turn your pussy into dust- no more wap for you, you now have the dap {dusty ass puh} also he might let you suck him might not- he has trust issues and he doesn’t trust your teeth. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

like i said- he isn’t the type to go slow, he’s chasing his own pleasure si yes he will go hard and fast nonstop. safe words are needed but will be ignored- just saying so if you don’t like it so rough that your legs give out for a few days than find a new partner because he isn’t for you love. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

quickies are basically you sucking him up while he plays the game - if you want him that bad than you can wait until he wants to get off the game and fuck you, lucky for you it isn’t a long wait.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he use to be risky until he had his face shown at his attacks and so he can’t be risky and fuck you out in public to often, before he was seen he would fuck you in public places- where they could hear you moan 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

he can last up to two rounds- sorry maybe three if he’s needy and maybe four if he’s stressed which is all the time.. so it depends on his mood because it changes from time to time as you know.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

he doesn’t have time for things likes that and besides but how much he’s giving you- you wouldn’t be able to think about anything yet alone toys. he thinks they are weird and un needed. “are you saying my dick isn’t good enough for you? “ say no if you want, he’ll have you in tears begging for him in minutes.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

meh- not to much he doesn’t have time to waste on teasing you, he has plans and wouldn’t want to pause them just to tease you, take the dick and go to sleep. it’ll knock you out for sure so sleep up before he wants more. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he doesn’t moan he insults- like degradation kink is a small kink of his, he likes the way it sounds coming form him and he loves the way you repeat it when he tells you too, because who are you to refuse him. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

he is down to share you, he likes the idea of breaking you down while using another guys dick. that would probably be a punishment though, like if you happened tp the extra annoying that day and just kept brothering him. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

his dick is ashy so be careful don’t get rub burn- im joking it’s not ashy probably  the most non ashy  place on his body,

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

not as high as you might think- taking down the heros will always come first on his mind- his games are second and you come.. well last- your the last thing on his mind. no offense.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

knocked out no questions asked, your knocked out too for sure, he put you straight tp sleep. so take the sleep while you can.

[teruthecreator]

poorly summarize everything that’s happened in grad so far for me, the clown who has only listened to 2 episodes (totally for goofs please don’t stress kbdjdjssk)

nah nah nah okay dont even sweat it i GOT YOU. okay so, the basics: 

we got three whores to focus on. ignore all other npcs only two of them are mentioned regularly. the whores being: 

sniveling little bitch who’s imposter syndrome is almost as fat as his ass 

pirates of the caribbean in scotland 

mossy rock w funny accent 

now you think the main setting would be the school theyre at, right? wrong. this is also barely mentioned, save for the scattered Actual Class Scenes 

currently (as of ep 16) they’re on spring semester freshman year. yknow, the semester of college where u suddenly decide to change ur major and start trying to join a sorority. 

now we got that all covered, we talk Plot (as much plot as i remember): 

think of Sky High. remember the dynamics there? that’s here too. in the beginning eps, all three whores are lame little lackeys just getting through gen eds. imposter syndrome bitch also got a superiority complex over his gifted-kid-related trauma about this

(once again, important to note the classes have No Meaning to the plot.) 

pirates of the caribbean also learns from Mysterious Bird Man that his mother belonged to The Masons: But Make It Fantasy. 

sentient mossy rock also sometimes does things without knowing why. is he dissociating?? no. you’ll find out why in a second.  

-------------------------

FIRST MISSION: they issue a subpoena to a rock monster. mossy rock man pick up cool crystal. the whores learn there are some lil holy-holes torn into spacetime that weren’t there before! neat! 

OH YEAH ALSO IMPORTANT. IMPOSTER SYNDROME GETS A SON HIS NAME IS SNIPPERS HE IS ACTUALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER IN THE SHOW CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE 

anyway, scottish jack sparrow joins the masons and is assigned his first solid snake mission: find out all the hot goss on imposter syndrome.  

---------------------------

THEN ITS WINTER BREAK. they fight some imps. travis was way too proud of this bit. imposter syndrome and scot sparrow are a little homoerotic. 

and also a random npc is written out of the story which makes imposter syndrome paranoid. 

somewhere around winter break imposter syndrome gets promoted to Disney Villain by the Main Headmaster. this will be important Kind Of. 

imposter syndrome and sentient moss have a convo and decide they cant trust Disney’s Pirates Of the Caribbean Ride In Scotland bc he sneaks out too much to get schwasty w the masons. 

mossman admits he doesn’t know what he’s doing sometimes (me too buddy) and imposter syndrome clocks his vibe and finds out he’s been brainwashed! swag 

because of the removed npc, the government sends Random Woman With A Nice Name to watch over class proceedings. remember when sometimes the principal would sit in on classes for teacher’s performance reviews?? like that but more Law & Order. 

moss admits to nice woman that he’s afraid bc his brain got yoinked. she gives him a listening device to help. this literally becomes useless within the next episode.  

imposter syndrome talks abt his paranoia w nice woman bc he thinks he’s gonna die. pirate boy talks abt his insecurity complex bc he thinks the hot himbo he lives w doesnt like him. 

these conversations happen in succession. 

also pirates of the caribbean finds out imposter syndrome is....an imposter! sends a nicely written, lightly homoerotic letter home to his imposter’s mom to get the facts. 

those facts being he’s actually a country bumpkin himbo. 

mossy cobblestone gets mindwiped to run to the Other Headmaster, and imposter and pirate follow. they learn that green top actually gave the headmaster permission to wipe his mind clean bc he has a rlly low deception roll, and also the real Main Headmaster is a dog bc travis runs this game. which makes Main Headmaster That Promoted Imposter Syndrome...An Imposter!!! 

Other Headmaster explains in order to un-dog this man (and un-bird the npc who got removed from the plot but is suddenly back) he needs the apple from Snow White. currently two herds of centaurs are fighting over it, so they gotta Nab It.  

----------------------------------------

SECOND MISSION. i can summarize this real quick: 

they talk to the horsepeople and find out the leaders are stubborn exes 

they talk to a forest god who basically gives them the Wonderland Treatment 

they talk to a shitty wizard 

said shitty wizard curses imposter syndrome 

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: The Scotland Story is homoerotic at imposter syndrome’s comatosed body while Minecraft Steve finds out the apple was a lie (haha get it portal joke hahaha--) 

imposter syndrome finds out his magic was given to him by Sexy Deity Person Who My Girlfriend Really Likes Talking About 

a single dirt block learns shitty wizard basically framed them for stealing and trying to incite a war between the herds

imposter syndrome wakes up next to pirate man and its gay, but then theyre both arrested for treason 

Imposter Syndrome Rips A Man’s Hand Off 

they get the apple 

---------------------------------------

THE END :) <3 

[thesolotomyhan]

narcos: dating them would include: gustavo gaviria hc

:)

Tags: @fandomnerd16​ @visintaes​ @sheeshgivemeabreak​ 

let me know if you want to be added/taken off the tag list! 

Warnings: NSFW!

ok, when I think of gustavo being in a relationship i can imagine it being full of pure bliss,

your relationship would make both of your hearts full for one another even when you’re not even looking at each other-

gustavo would need someone who is always on his side but also the complete opposite of his anxious ass,,

wow you would basically be the cushion he can fall back on at the end of the day without criticism from anyone. you would be his home :)

like whenever you see him scribbling all these numbers down in his little notepad for pablo, tirelessly working his mind off,,

you would be the one to pull him away, from his constant state of stress and help him breathe,,

“espérame otros 5 minutos bebé, ya casi acabo”

“gustavo, eso dijiste hace 2 horas, no va a pasar nada con tomarte un descanso, vamos” as your giving him like a shoulder rub, already seeing him relaxing in your touch,,,

god, gustavo is an affection whore,,i know he loves it when you run your hands through his hair, give him kisses, or even hugging him,,, just always touching him, your mere presence calms him and clears his mind,,

i feel like gustavo wouldnt be into taking you out to fancy dates, or clubs, he gives me more of, i’ll take you out to lunch instead, vibe,, c a s u a l

he’s not into publicity or showing you off in front of others that aren’t apart of the family-

but he wouldnt mind you holding his hand or giving him a quick kiss in front of others,, he actually likes that kind of stuff when you’re loving up on him,,

he would also be someone who likes to hold you from behind with his arms across your chest, holding you close to him,, where he might rock the both of you back and forth-

ok, but literally the cutest shit is when you come up to him after he spends all day at pablo’s house, just taking his hat off when you’re in front of him and giving him a sweet kiss,,

the little laugh he’ll give when you do that as he wraps one of his arms around you…

you would probably spend a lot of your time at pablo’s house with gustavo anyways because he would prefer to keep you nearby and not at home waiting for him-

omg, but also being best friends with tata would be a bonus,, just having an attached to the hip type of relationship with her-

, the two of you spilling chisme about pablo and gustavo when youre together,,,

just the perfect girl time with her-

ok listen, you would also be the favorite tia with pablo’s kids,,

just thinking about how you would always be down to play fútbol with juan pablo, or do whatever manuela’s heart desires from you,,

just being that tia that secretly gives them candies before dinner and doing water gun fights with them?? Please omg 

like the idea that you would be chasing them around the hacienda, full on laughing until you’re soaked from head to toe,,

there also might of been multiple times when the 3 of you teamed up and snuck up on tio gustavo who was taking a smoke break-

ugh, pablo would be laughing at the sight of gustavo swearing and chasing after the 3 of you-

wow ok also the thought of gustavo just watching you do all these things for those kids, how you never turn down any of their requests, would have him admiring you even more if it’s possible, his mujer

now is he going to have baby fever after he sees you do literally anything for that pair of kids? Maybe :)) 

god ok the longing look he would give you when he sees you walking into the room,,,

even tho youre not even looking in his direction because you would be talking with tata or something,

but gustavo would forget whatever tf he was talking to with pablo about and just stare at you, the smallest smile showing- omg

Pablo would endlessly tease gustavo for being soft with you even though he adores your relationship and you even more for keeping his cousin happy-

dragging him along to the family events for him to enjoy too, the amused look he would have as he watches you tug him forward to listen to pablo’s speech in front of everyone,,

i- he just gives me the feeling that he would put up with a lot your things just to see the excitement in your eyes-

like deep down he really loves it when you force him to do things,,

can you imagine having late night conversations with him, out on the bench by the pool, where you would be cuddled into his side,

just sitting there for hours with the soft fucking looks you would give each other, talking about everything,,

him singing the songs that would come on the radio to you, omg hold on 

and most of the times, pablo and tata would come join you guys

probably listening to the dumb things they used to do as kids, just, sharing laughs and stories until it gets so late, you’re falling asleep against gustavos chest,,,

fuck, ok but pablo telling gustavo when he sees that you fell asleep-

“no vayas a dejar ir a esa mujer, marica”

just- the way he would look down at you, peacefully sleeping, giving you a soft kiss on top of your head

the feel of the ring that sits inside of his pocket has him chuckling back at pablo,, and imagining how pretty it would look on your hand instead, Im not ok im sorry

NSFW:

ok here we gooo,,

so first off I have this picture in mind where he would be doing his financial things for the cartel out in this outdoor lawn table,-

just looking over the papers in front of him, writing down numbers with like a cigarette in between his lips,

as he just lets himself fall back into his chair, looking down at where you are, on your knees in front of him,,

moving your hair out of your face so he can see you better as you blow him-

just,,, the low groans he’ll let out when he sees you take all of him into your mouth-

“hijo de puta”-

running his hands over his face when he lets his head fall back, trying not to just fucking thrust into your mouth because he wants to see you gag so badly, but he holds himself back,,

he’ll be gripping the arm rest so hard it might break when he looks down again and sees the drool dripping from your lips as you bob you head -ok

so i see gustavo being someone who likes to take his time with you when he has time- a slowburn tempo

just kissing every part of your exposed skin each time he takes something new off of you, caressing wherever he can touch you-

he would know what spots would get you to respond to him quicker and what would have you gripping him harder- 

wanting to see you slowly fall apart,,, 

i feel like he would love to focus so much of his attention to your chest,especially when your on top of him,,

because I know gustavo likes being topped ok,,

just leaving as many marks as he can there- kissing and kneading you’re breasts as he watches you cave your head back,,

he would move his hands to your ass where he’ll encourage you to move your body to grind down on him, smiling against you when he hears you sigh his name out as you place your hands against his chest and move along with his movements,,

god, the way his hands would move to wander all over your back when you reach between the two of you to grasp his cock and slowly sink down onto him, your hands moving to grip his hair as an anchor,, 

he would let you adjust to him for as long as you need as he kisses your neck, letting you take the reins and control the speed whenever youre on top-

he’ll just watch you closely, loving the way you dig your nails into his shoulders as you try so hard to reach your high, once you start bouncing on him,, 

wow, the way how he only needs to thrust just once up into you to see you lose your momentum,

moving his hands up and down your legs when you plant your hands on his chest to steady yourself, -

probably teases you for getting distracted so easily,-

“sigue, pensé que vos quería esto”,- ok

the slow sex,omg

like i can imagine youre on your back with him on top of you, the both of you having your chests touching, nothing being able to get between the two of you,

your face right in front of his as he brings his hand to rest on your chest, slowly but harshly thrusting into you with your legs wrapped around his hips,,

god, his thrusts would have your body moving up on the bed, to the point where you have to put your hand against the headboard to stop yourself from hitting it-

he’ll just be whispering to you how beautiful you look taking him in as he leaves marks on the underside of your jaw,,

his thrusts gradually picking up speed as he moves to kiss your lips, muffling your moans,, as one of your hands come to tug on his hair-

his own hand would come up and hold the back of your neck when he feels you close to your orgasm, just wanting to see the way you roll your eyes back-

*and cuddling afterwards would be his shit,, 

nothing makes his heart warm than having you laying on his chest, mindlessly drawing patterns

your legs tangled with his as he holds you close, the smell of his fresh cigarette filling the room, both of your breaths slowly coming back as the two of you smile into each other,, -

god, and he would also be the mf to call you, when you’re not with him, to be ready for him when he gets home after a long day,, 

“ahorita llego en 15 minutos, te quiero en la cama esperándome”

wanting nothing than to relieve his stress by seeing you under him, moaning his name-

fuck,, just needing to feel you clench around him again while you move your hips up into him, your hair becoming a mess from his hold on it- wow

[razorblade180]

interdimensional Dads 4

Jaune:Who’s Next?

Jaune:Pick a number from one to a thousand.

Jaune:Since you married Yang it’s either 69

Jaune:Or 420, but because it you I’m gonna with 7

Jaune:Purple gets to go.

Jaune:....Oh did you- oh I see. That’s stupid. I like how he got the answer but it’s stupid.

Jaune:Hate to break it to you all but I can already tell that I’m probably the least interesting here. My Remnant doesn’t have anything crazy going on.

Jaune: Lucky you. We just wanna relax.

Jaune:Hehe, anyways I started dating Blake when we were at Beacon. Well I guess technically we didn’t date but we went on a lot of dates because we liked similar things. Music, tea, some books.

Jaune:Filth!

Jaune:*red* It’s been called that, yes. It’s something nice to bond over.

Jaune:Bond over, or bind over?

Jaune:I’m surprised you didn’t say bondage over.

Jaune:So scandalous. How grown of you.

Jaune:What would your dear parents think? Oh the shock!

Jaune:Why am I the one getting picked on!? You guys would literally find a similar interest in it!

Jaune:We know, it’s just funny seeing you red. Please continue.

Jaune:I can’t imagine the trip around the world was dramatically different. Reuniting with Blake was super comforting. We finally started officially dating after she scared me half to death at Argus. After beating Salem I decided to go with her back home after visiting my folks. Her parents were stunned to see yet another blonde-

Jaune:Sun or Yang?

Jaune:Both...you see, they new Sun for obvious reasons. Yang was a little more....how to put it?

Jaune:....She was in love with her too, wasn’t she?

A strange feeling of guilt and sadness filled the air.

Jaune:Yang and Blake were always pretty close, more so than with me in certain aspects. They were partners so of course it would be like amd with all the stuff that happened between them since Beacon, Yang falling in love with her was so easy to see. It wasn’t like it was one sided either, but those aspects, the knitty gritty hardships they shared? Sometimes sharing all that history makes it hard to have a normal relationship. So Yang took it pretty rough when we officially got together.

Jaune:That must’ve been a rough pill to swallow.

Jaune:It definitely was awkward at first l and a little bit of animosity. But eventually overtime it got better, until it didn’t... Blake and I had a kid. Our quiet little Lucas. Yang never out right said anything but having him and seeing us, me have a life with Blake brought sadness along with whatever happiness she did have for us. So she barely visits; she’s still kind when does though but it’s hard not to see that she would rather be somewhere else.

Jaune:Damn that’s....that’s rough. I couldn’t imagine my life without Yang. She’s practically my best friend at this point; always there to pick me up.

Jaune:Yeah she’s been a real life saver for me too.

Jaune:She’s my wife so it goes without saying that a world where she doesn’t want to be around me or Blake for that matter is pretty crazy. Do you at least have Ruby, Weiss, Ren and Nora?

Jaune:Yeah they’re around doing their own thing and we take turns visiting. Ruby tried to act like a bridge between us and Yang and it works for the most part. It’s rough but not as rough as it sounds. But any who, I guess I should talk about Lucas now.

Jaune:Before that, I couldn’t help but notice that you sound a little more...proper than the rest of us.

Jaune:*red* I’m always running into some important faunus that meets with Blake about equal rights stuff. It’s very weird being the only human around sometimes so I try extra hard not to say anything dumb. Don’t you have to meet with wealthy people a bunch?

Jaune:Yeah. They no better than to give me a hard time, or Weiss will kill them. They are very aware of the name ice queen.

Jaune:Ah.....Weiss. *smiles*

Jaune:So joe is your kid? I bet he’s as driven as his mother!

Jaune:*puts head on table* That boy has zero motivation! If you don’t bother him then he’ll lay around all day and sleep like a....well like a cat!

Jaune:Yikes...

Jaune:To be fair, I understand why. His semblance shows him various glimpses of the future that he’s never been able to complete control. Sometimes it activates without warning so it’s not uncommon for him to know something coming up. Poor guy can’t even finish a book sometimes without seeing his future self reading the ending.

Jaune:No wonder he has not motivation. The spice of life is being spoiled for him!

Jaune:Lucas is such a bright kid, a little bit awkward at times but he’s kind too. It’s a real bummer to see him in this constant slump. It’s not small things that get spot either. There are times he’s seen accidents happen and could do nothing to stop it, or the vision was so vague he didn’t know what was going on until it was too late. The world becomes pretty anxiety inducing if all you see is potential accidents.

Jaune:Potential?

Jaune:Yeah, it’s possible to avoid his visions. They aren’t set in stone by any means. He’s seen me beat him up in sparring and then didn’t show up. He’s walked out into the ocean before out of nowhere and speared a barracuda that he says “would’ve been bothersome later.” A family went swimming later on in that area. Still wish he went outside just to smell the roses though.

Jaune:Sounds frustrating, I feel for him. I don’t think my mind could function.

Jaune: I don’t think his is if he’s becoming a shut in. Maybe therapy or something? What does Blake think about all of this?

Jaune:Blake can convince him more than I can to move around more consistently. She’s always checking in out of nowhere and making sure both of us are doing well. This girl video chatted one time just to see if anything done anything fun, then forced us to find something fun to do if we haven’t. She knows if we’re left alone then we start stewing in our own thoughts way too much.

Jaune:That’s actually really sweet.

Jaune:I know! I can’t believe that’s my wife! We call her to make sure she takes a break from work or else she’ll work through lunch. We are basically tripping and picking each other up, it’s such a weird mess hehehe. That’s family though. It gets a little tense but nothing we can’t handle. Especially Lucas, I got a feeling his slump is about to turn into a rollercoaster.

Jaune:What makes you say that?

Jaune:Well....

xxxx

On a sunny day in menagerie a beautiful young girl looks up at the sky with complete serenity and wonder. It’s so blue, so simple, yet so fulfilling.

“You ever look at the sky and just wish you could touch it?” Her gaze drops to in front of her to see a very unamused Lucas.

“No, no I don’t.”

“That’s too bad. Are you more of a deep blue see guy or...”

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to know my bodyguard.”

“Still not your bodyguard.” He groaned. “Can you focus on not moving. I have three shots at this.”

“I bet you’ll get it right first try, no pressure.”

Lucas’s eye twitched as the girl gave him a big smile in her frayed harness, fifty feet from the ground. The boy angled his feet on the unsecured steel beam just enough to distribute his weight evenly.

“You and I have very different viewpoints on tense situations...” He slowly leaned forward with his hands stretched out. “Grab my hands at the same time.”

“Is it bad I wanna know what happens if I don’t?”

Her question was meant with stressful silence and anxious looks that only made her smile. “Just kidding, I can’t grab your hands at the same time when they’re trembling. Lighten up a little.”

“You do know this is your life right now?”

“Yeah I know. Hey, you single?”

That came out of nowhere. He folded his ears, flustered and confused. “What does that have to do with-”

The girl suddenly grabbed his hands. “Boom, you stopped trembling. That’s what I call team-” the harness snapped. The feeling of complete weightlessness took her for a moment before gravity came to pull her down. It was in that second Lucas yanked her close, her body in his arms.

He slowly slid backwards onto sturdy ground and then felt a strong breeze that was more than enough to sever the beam from the rest. The girl gasped.

“The workers!”

“Don’t worry.” He looked over the edge to see all of them far away and the beam falling right into their massive pile of dirt he told them to put down. Lucas let out a long sigh before looking at the girl.

She raised her eyebrow. “You haven’t answered my question yet.”

He groaned again. Go for a walk they said. It would do you some good they said. Now I’m dealing with this.

“I’m single.”

“Cool, I’m not.” She giggled.

“.....” He slowly nodded. “I should drop you.”

“But you won’t.”

“Sadly....”

Part 3

[chanswavyhair]

filter | hwang hyunjin

warning: some cursing, fem!reader, too much fluff akshka.

a/n: this is my first time writing a fic and not a timestamp so,,, i hope it’s not very bad. this was kinda inspired by bts jimin’s filter but jagsjh,, anyways hope you enjoy it!!

you were in trouble

like,,, you were usually in trouble but THIS ONE WAS BIG

so you basically agreed with your parents that you would attend some ball ???

and with your boyfriend as your plus one ?????

well to start off you didn’t have a boyfriend and you didn’t even know why did you just say that HSJAKAH

you could do many things, but backing off and hurting your pride WAS NOT ON YOUR LIST

so now you had to find a boyfriend in like a month and half

i mean... you could ask jisung or felix, but you knew how uncomfortable they felt with your richies

also they didn’t give off the rich, classy and charming boyfriend look

well,, your friends were really handsome but not the type of handsome high society liked

but anyways that’s a problem for the future Y/N because we ain’t getting distracted at chemistry !! your grades were NOT falling

yeah you were living the rich and perfect y/n life

anyways in fact you were pretty annoying HSJSJD

you got very !! stressed !! when things were out of your control

there were only a few <lovely3 people who truly knew you and stood you, and they were jilix and your sis ryujin

(who invited her bestie daehwi, but he was rich too so he had no prob)

like,,, you usually hung out with your sis’ friends, but you weren’t THAT close

and for jisung and felix’s friends,,,,, it was weird when they weren’t all together

and that’s how jisung had the dumbest idea ever, and he’s had A LOT

like that one time he convinced you to let him dye your hair (you ended up looking like a light bulb)

or when you shaved his legs (WORST EXPERIENCE EVER YOU ALMOST GO DEAF but it was kinda fun)

anyways he just let out “why don’t you tell hyunjin? you know he does this weird thing of getting paid for acting as a boyfriend”

“what the FUCK JISUNG i am NOT paying hyunjin to act as my BOYFRIEND”

and,,, guess who heard you freaking out

nope not hyunjin but your sis ryujin

and her friend yeji

who hapepened to be hyunjin’s cousin

so yeah she told him and he went  ($ ‿ $✧)

now he’s been “AnAlyZInG” you for some days

and you were too busy thinking about your problem to notice it

so he decided to make a move, as you didn’t

“hey Y/N... somebody told me about your problem”

huh?

HUH??

“uh, what do you mean?”

“i know you need someone to be your supposed boyfriend in some ball”

lol it actually sounded really lame

THAT’S WHY YOU ONLY TRUSTED T H R E E PEOPLE

“wait— what do you mean???”

“well, i could help you and act as your boyfriend. i’m feeling generous, so i will lower the usual tax. which version do you want? cute? prince char—”

the fuck no, you weren’t that PATHETIC

“i’m sorry, but i don’t want your help. thank you anyways”

,,,,,,in that moment it turned to something personal to hyunjin

who wouldn’t want to be his girlfriend???? at least if it’s just for a night????

and that’s how he started to be such a gentleman to you, to smile at you everytime you locked eyes, to initiate skinship

you knew he had ulterior moves, so you were irritated by him

but he was actually way more charming that you thought,,,,,,

like

HE WAITED FOR YOU AT YOUR LOCKER EVERY MORNING JUST TO GREET YOU

“’morning Y/N, looking fine today. how are you feeling? good?”

you were literally on a big ass sweater, but the bags in your eyes were even bigger

“hyunjin it’s too early and i’ve barely slept so please leave me alone—”

“oh, that’s no good,, should i call you tonight to make sure you fall asleep?. anyways, i’ll see you in english class. don’t forget we had homework!”

and,,, he always shared his food whenever you forgot yours,,,,,

he proved himself to be more than a cute face

he tried to help you whenever he noticed you were struggling to understand anything

and one out of five words he said were just him flirting

you eventually started not minding him being around you everyday

and then soome time after that,,, your heart ??? suddenly started to do weird things ??? when he was close to you ???

you MAYHAPS had a little crush on him

BUT IT WAS NOTHING SERIOUS HE WAS JUST TOO CUTE WHENEVER HIS DIMPLES SHOWED

or when HIS EYES WENT,,, (◠‿◠✿)

but you did NOT like him, right?

RIGHT???

he just treated you so well ಥ⌣ಥ

well lucky for you because this boy was also confused as fuck

since when have you been covering you beautiful smile when you laughed???

he honestly just wanted to put your hands down and tickle attack you

but that was just because he was getting into his role right??

RIGHT?????

anyways things got even worse for your weak heart when you saw him at you favorite cafe, studying, looking just TOO GOOD TO BE REAL

and then,,,, you two started to go studying there every evening

at some point he even started ordering your usual comand before you came

and,,, when you found yourself getting distracted by hyunjin’s cute mole under his eye by the 4th time you started to think that...

you maybe...... liked him ????

like... YOU liked HIM ??????

WHAT THE FUCK Y/N

“i have finished all my assignments. how about you?”

“i- i still have lots to do. you should go first or it will get late— ”

“and that’s why i’m staying. you shouldn’t go home alone it’s dark, i’ll walk you, if you don’t mind. and don’t worry, i don’t have anything to do now”

.......

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

you liked him A LOT

but you knew he was just being this nice so he could prove that you should hire him

which was not happening, as if wasn’t enough to fall for this boy :(

the thing is

he had forgotten about that weeks ago when his feelings grew bigger

he didn’t understand what he felt, but he knew he felt insanely good when you were around him

like whenever he told you he felt he was going to fail an exam you looked at him in some kind of way

he didn’t understand how or why, but he felt like whatever was worrying him didn’t matter anymore

and everything he wanted to talk, see, or think of was you

anyways he started to walk you home whenever he got the chance

this one day,,, you weren’t going to the cafe because you had things to do at home

but he insisted to walk you

so he was waiting for you in the hall

then he saw you at your locker talking with some random boy who was quite close to you

his heart went :(

but then he realized you were not exactly happy ??

“look, yeonsung, i already told you that i won’t tutor you. please leave me alone”

“no, Y/N you don’t understand, you HAVE to. we are meant to be, and if you won’t accept my dates at least help me with school stuff. it’s not that hard.” he grabbed your arm.

“yeonsung, no. let me go” you tried to pull, but he wouldn’t release you.

enough bullshit

“hey, i think you’ve heard her. she doesn’t want anything to do with you, so you’d better stop bothering Y/N. i’m not as polite as her”

“who the fuck are you? oh, little Y/N you’ve got some dickhead as your boyfriend? i’m much better than that. if only you fucking let me-”

ok so hyunjin’s blood has been burning for some time now but when he PUT HIS HANDS ON YOUR WAIST-

wait

did he

(・о・)(・о・)(・о・)(・о・)

DID HYUNJIN JUST CRASHED HIM INTO THE LOCKERS

“listen here, you asshole. if you dare to touch a single strand of her again i’ll fucking show you myself how to keep your hands down. understood?”

“un- understood”

“you’d better have” he pressed him a bit more before he let him fall on his feet

“let’s go away” hyunjin grabbed your hand

Y/N.exe has stopped working

hyunjin..... threatened this guy..... because he was harassing you

which was kinda hot btw ????

Y/N FOCUS

“hyunjin you didn’t have to-”

“don’t tell i didn’t have to because i made my best effort not to break his fucking nose.”

(๑ ● o ● ๑)

wow

he was really mad

“hyunjin-”

“Y/N, i know you are probably angry at me and that you want me to mind my own business, but i swear i-”

“HYUNJIN”

Y/N since WHEN did you have the GUTS to cup his face ?????

he went silent

“hey, calm down, ok? i’m not mad at you, this guy has been asking me weird things for some time now so i guess you just helped me to end it. i’m fine, yeah? calm down.”

you realized you were still holding his face so you were about to take them off but

HHHHhhhHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhHHHHHhhhh

HWANG HYUNJIN

WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU DUMMY

he put his hand ON your hands

why was he POUTING

“why didn’t you tell me? or anyone? he could have done anything worse if i hadn’t been there and Y/N, i honestly don- i don’t know what would i do if someone hurt you”

WHY WERE HIS EYES LOOKING AT YOU THAT WAY

(◕︵◕) INTENSIFIES

YOUR HEART WENT HHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhHHHhhhhhhhH

 AND YOUR FACE WAS GOING TO COMBUST AT ANY MOMENT

“it- it’s okay. let’s just forget it. come on, i have to go home”

“wait let me- please, let me hold you for a minute”

he DEADASS HUGGED YOU

AND

BURIED

HIS

FACE

IN

YOUR

HAIR ???????

HWANG HYUNJIN YOU ARE FUCKING RUINING THIS POOR GIRL’S HEART

“you smell really good. i wish i could stay like this for a bit longer... but it’s okay. anyways, let’s go”

you can imagine how HARD ryujin laughed at you when you told her you thought you had forgotten how to breathe

“Y/N YOU MORON, YOU DIDN’T JUST STAYED THERE STILL, PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T”

“i HATE U STOP LAUGHING AT ME—”

“OR ELSE WHAT YOU’LL TELL HYUNJIN TO BREAK MY NOSE?”

yeah she was crying out of laughter

but anyways you two stopped shouting when your mother entered the room

“kids, have you already invited someone to the ball? it’s just week and half apart”

O SHIT

THE BALL

so now you were disturbing felix and jisung again with it

“Y/N just ASK HYUNJIN”

“ i CAN’T BECAUSE I ALREADY TOLD HIM THAT I WOULDN’T PAY HIM”

“Y/N,,,,,,,, has it ever crossed your mind that you two act just like a couple?”

(?・・)

“felix what do you mean he doesn’t like me and-”

“hi guys! hi Y/N.” he smiled at you with his whole heart and patted your hair “can you go today to the cafe? i don’t have much to study today, but we can go if you want to. i mean,, if you don’t want to it’s fine, i’ll just walk you home from here, if that’s cool with you.”

felix gave you that look

like the one he gave you when he was right

which was a bit usual because socializing wasn’t your best trait

but hyunjin didn’t like you, did he????

he was... he was just acting

as much as it hurt you, that was the truth

and in order to protect yourself... you should stop it

u MASOCHIST <(｀^´)>

“i think i’ll just go alone. don’t wait for me, it’s fine.”

you lost your appetite with just saying that

and hyunjin was like ????

you could see your two other boys-

Y/N! hyunjin is not your boy so stop it

anyways, jisung and felix were really confused too

well it was actually jisung because felix was more like DONE with your bullshit

you just went back to your classes and then, you went home

has routine been always this boring?

you couldn’t help but smile when you saw that hyunjin sent you a message asking about what where you doing tomorrow

but then you remembered you couldn’t let this hurt you anymore

so you said you were really busy at home and turned your phone off

“Y/N are you, okay?” ryujin said

“yeah, i am. why wouldn’t i be?”

“you don’t have to lie to me, sis. majorly because you can’t. talk to me, Y/N, tell me what’s wrong” she laughed softly

“i am... i am cutting off any relation with hyunjin.”

“what? why? you guys seemed to be getting along really well. i thought you liked him...”

“that’s why, ryu. i like him way too much. before he started talking to me, he told me to hire him to act as my boyfriend in the ball. he’s been trying to prove it, and i don’t want to fall deeper. i don’t know why did i let myself trust him, when i knew this from the first moment. i just don’t know why.

:(((( you started crying, and ryujin hugged you

“i don’t... i don’t think hyunjin is such a bad person to go this far with that thing of wanting you to hire him... but if you think that’s the best, then i’ll support your decision. we can sit in another table tomorrow. you know, just the girls, you and me. okay?”

you nodded into her embrace, trying to stop sobbing.

“okay”

so you started to avoid him as much as you could

and it was eventually making him crazy

well,,, he had been coping with whOle week without you

until he just exploded

“guys, i don’t understand. everything was going really good, and then she started to treat me as cold as fuck. and i don’t get what did i do to deserve this.” he complained to his boys

he was really disappointed

because he knew he felt different to what he had ever felt before with you

he thought he was learning to fall in love, to stop worrying just about him and his friends

“am i not enough? have i bored her? or have i pressured her? i’m going crazy because i don’t even know why do i feel like this”

(ಥ⌣ಥ)

“hyunjin you like her is pretty easy actually”

did minho just

DID LEE FUCKING MINHO JUST

“what????? i’d never had something like that for anyone. it’s true things are different with her but—”

“when was the last time you did that fake dating thing?” chan asked

“well... like a month? i was busy”

“busy with what you genius”

seungmin don’t cross the line

“i... i was spending time with Y/N”

was this boy the same hwang hyunjin from a month before???

“omfg guys i think i like her but like a lot”

“dumbass that’s exactly what we are saying”

poor jeongin got slightly hit buy the so called dumbass :(

“but this doesn’t have anything to do with why she’s been dodging me like bullets??”

they all looked to felix and jisung, expecting they would know anything

“to be honest... i‘m not sure. she hasn’t told us anything” jisung said.

“well, the last time we talked about you we told her to ask you to go with her to her parents’ ball, and then i told her that you two already looked like a couple” felix said

then felix went

（・□・；）

“oh... so she doesn’t like me...”

hyunjin felt like the whole world was going down

there was this thing burning on his chest, a thing that he thought he could only feel for his friends or family

but then, you showed him he was wrong, again

“wait- i think i’ve connected the two dots— ” jisung said, but lix interrumped him

“no, you didn’t connect shit. i get it now. hyunjin, she thinks that you’ve been acting all the time to prove you should go with her to the ball. that’s why she’s avoiding you, because she thinks you just tried to play her” felix said

hyunjin’s heart broke a bit more when he processed felix’s words

(╥_╥) (╥_╥) (╥_╥) (╥_╥)

he... he hurt you

and really bad

“oh god, i’m so fucking stupid. what do i do know? she hates me!”

“ugh, go get your girl you dumbass!” changbin said

hyunjin suddenly started working again, and rushed off while calling someone.

so yeah back with u lil creature

you were doing homework, but you couldn’t focus

so you went to the kitchen to grab some snacks

and then your phone ringed

“ryujin?” you answered

“yeah. i’m at daehwi’s and i forgot to take a jacket. i will be passing be there in his car in like... 15 minutes. could you give me the versace one?”

“the colorful one or the leather one? ” you asked with your mouth full of a chocolate cookie

ryujin felt relief

“the leather one”

“okay. but weren’t you studying in the library for a physics exam?”

o shit

“i just went to his house! to study together! anyways! see you later! sis!”

????? weird

anyways you finished your math homework, and when you realized, you just got a message from her saying she was outside

so you got her jacket and opened the door in order to look for daehwi’s car

oh hyunjin’s there

cool

WAIT WHAT

you slammed the door in his face

then you realized THAT WAS WAY WORSE

“OMG I’M SORRY”

“can you open please?” he said from outside

you really missed his deep and soothing voice

“i- well- yes”

you opened the door, not being able to look directly at him

“can we talk? just give me five minutes, and if you still hate me after that i’ll just stop bothering you”

“i don’t hate you, and you- you aren’t bothering me”

“well... this past days it didn’t look like that. more like, exactly the opposite”

you went silent because you had literally no excuse

“are you mad?” he said

“why would i?”

“i don’t know either, that’s why i’m asking. i mean, it’s not like you’ve been avoiding me for days, not answering a single message or call. that’s all”

touché

“are you mad?”

you knew he should be, you deeply hoped he wouldn’t

“Y/N, i know you thought i was playing with you”

“wait- you weren’t?”

“oh god. i really told you i didn’t know what would i do if anyone hurt you, so why would i?”

“i thought... you were trying to prove i should have payed you to go to the ball...” you quietly said

but you looked at him when you heard him sobbing softly

“Y/N, you are the first person i’ve ever fallen for. i’ve been with plenty of people, and no one had ever make me fall like this. i don’t know why am i even crying in front of you, all i know is that i really, really like you”

your eyes were wider than the pacific ocean

HWANG HYUNJIN

HWANG HYUNJIN LIKED YOU BACK??????

LIKE,,,,, FORREAL?????

“i know you probably still hate me but please... if you at least gave me a chance for still being friends...”

“hyunjin”

GO AHEAD GURL

“what?” he stopped sobbing

“hyunjin, i like you too”

you didn’t even know what was happening, but you knew your mouth kept talking

“wait, you do???”

“hyunjin, i- i was avoiding you because i didn’t want to fall harder”

you were still malfunctioning

then you saw him getting closer to you

“can i,, like,,, kiss you?”

WHAT THE FUCK Y/N YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT

but his lips looked so soft HHHHHHhHhhhhhhHHhHHHHHhhhHH

he didn’t answer you

well at least not verbally

boi just WENT FOR IT

you thought you wouldn’t mind if you died there

his lips were even softer than they looked

was that like paradise felt?

but then,,,

“WELL GUYS I GUESS YOU TWO MADE UP HAHA COOL”

you two separated immediatly

“RYUJIN WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU”

you, alias, tomato 1 said

“well i guess you two have to look for some clothes for the ball because there are only three days left, so go make out in another place but not in the porch. i don’t want to see hyunjin eating your face when i get home”

hyunjin, alias, tomato 2 intensified

“just,,, leave okay?”

you two lovebirds went for a walk, without a specific direction

you couldn’t be any more embarrassed

“can i call you my girlfriend?” he said

“i- yes”

THEN HE HELD YOUR HAND (ㄒoㄒ)

can you two get any cuter omg

“let’s go to the mall to look for some fancy clothes for my cute girlfriend and me and then make out when we get back”

“ ?????? HYUNJIN HHHHHHHHH STOP”

“n e v e r”

[akaluan]

Kaito/Ishida/Ichigo/Orihime/Chad/Tatsuki: Platonic Soulmate AU & Curses

It’s barely a month after being named Kaito that he notices it. Fresh from a shower and just barely comfortable with his new looks, he pauses to glance at maybe-himself and—

Leans forward, staring into the mirror — into the face of an almost-stranger — and carefully brushes a thumb across his collarbones. Just to see. Just to make sure…

(His soulmark has changed.)

(He’d only just accepted it before everything happened, and now… now…)

(It’s different, strange like the face that meets his gaze, strange like the buzz of Hollow reiatsu under his skin, strange like the name he has to accept—)

He swallows. Runs a thumb over the prominent orange-blue-white-black feather that curves along his collarbones. Brushes his fingers over the five colorful feathers that trail down his sternum. Wets dried lips and tries to rationalize, tries to understand…

(*For us,*) Ichigo murmurs as Kaito rubs at the feather along his collarbones again. (*I think.*)

(*For all of us,*) Kaito agrees after a moment, tracing the orange-and-blue banding thoughtfully. (*Is this… common amongst Shinigami?*)

(*I… I don’t know. I… Rukia never mentioned it, and I never asked,*) Ichigo admits ruefully. (*But I always had a small tricolor mark near to our group’s mark, which got bigger as I started interacting with Zangetsu more. I just… assumed that Shinigami didn’t speak of it much, or that it was one of those… things. You know, something that everyone obviously knows, so there’s no need to talk about it.*)

Kaito hums in agreement, then flattens his palm over the other five feathers, hiding them from sight. (*These though… I… can’t. I’m not… I only just accepted you and now… now I’m getting shoved into an entirely different group?! I’d… I’d rather have only our new mark than this!*)

Ichigo presses closer, strength-confidence-reassurance, and says, (*That’s alright. You don’t have to push yourself. Maybe Hat’n’Clogs has an answer?*)

The idea has merit. Urahara had provided him with an entirely new look already, so… maybe hiding soulmarks isn’t too strange an ask.

Kaito glances one last time at the almost-stranger with their entirely strange soulmarks and nods sharply.

He’ll ask.

*******

“Pardon?” Urahara asks, eyes wide and fan dangling from his fingers.

“Can you hide soulmarks?” Kaito repeats, barely remembering to meet the man’s eyes as he asks.

(This… this isn’t done.)

(No one purposely hides their soulmarks.)

(But he can’t… he can’t…)

(These aren’t his marks…)

“Maa, you know these things have a way of getting out, right…?” Urahara asks gently, even as he gestures for Kaito to follow him. “A bit of trial and error and I can hide almost anything, but soulmarks… those aren’t stable. The more you try to hide them—”

“I know!” Kaito snaps, then flinches and looks away, breathing through the flash of panic-fury-hate until he has himself under control again. “I know,” he repeats, running a hand through his hair. “But I… my marks are gone. I don’t… I don’t want these. If… if they’re for who I suspect they are, I just… I can’t. I can’t, Urahara-san, because they’re just… they’re not my people! And who ever heard of… of being your own damn soulmate?!”

Urahara’s hand settles on his shoulder, warm-firm-grounding. “I understand,” he murmurs. “And I’ll do my best. But you’ll have to come to me the moment to notice a hint of color showing through, so I can adjust it again.”

“I will, I promise.” Kaito hesitates a moment, then tugs open the kimono he’d thrown on and brushes a finger across the prominent mark on his collarbones. “This one stays, if possible.”

“Alright, I can do that. Shall we?”

Kaito nods. Steps through the door of Urahara’s lab.

Hides himself from his soulmates.

(Victory tastes like ash.)

(But that’s fine.)

(He’s fine.)

(Just fine.)

*******

He keeps up the deception.

Through combat and training and basic interactions, he keeps himself to himself, lest any of the teens begin to suspect.

He lets them catch sight of the brilliant, prominent feather he’d kept. Lets them believe that that is his only soulmark. Lets them make their own assumptions about it.

(He goes to Urahara to update the concealment often.)

(Too much interaction makes the marks… eager.)

The invasion is difficult. Too much interaction, too much stress, and no one who can adjust the concealment in return.

When Ishida carries him away from Kyoraku, the shock of connection is enough to freeze him in place as Ishida only falters, which is enough to give his past self the advantage—

Shiro has no such compunctions.

Kaito lets him rage for the both of them.

Ishida watches them, thoughtful-considering-apologetic, and Kaito ducks further behind Shiro’s rage.

(He can’t… he can’t…)

(He still wakes with his head in Ishida’s lap, wakes with connection beginning to settle deep into his bones, and it’s all he can do to tear himself away before they are truly bound.)

(The irony of Ishida being his first and firmest connection does not escape him.)

Kaito shoves the jangle of discordant feelings aside. Locks the growing want away deep in his soul. Sets his sights on his goal and refuses to be swayed.

Aizen is still out there.

He needs to kill Aizen before anything else can happen.

(The night at the Eleventh is an exercise in restraint.)

(Two of his five soulmates are right there, sleeping just within reach, curled into each other’s arms and he… he wants.)

(But at the same time he doesn’t.)

He wakes to a warm body in his arms and no new connection humming in his head.

(Hanataro knows.)

(Hanataro knows and says nothing.)

(Sometimes he wishes Hanataro was his soulmate, platonic or not.)

When Kurosaki manages to pull him into a hug after the invasion is over, Kaito almost stabs him.

It feels good, the discontented hum of another unrealized connection beginning to settle at last, leaving him limp with relief—

He pulls away before he can give himself away, dusting off his sleeves and doing his best to laugh his reaction off.

The teens don’t try again.

He can’t tell if he’s pleased or disappointed.

(He’s pleased.)

(He has to be.)

*******

Everything is going fine — he isn’t left to his own devices like he’d prefer, but no one is trying to touch him at least — until several months after Aizen’s death. Another malcontent from Seireitei’s past shows up, causes some chaos, and drags Kaito and the others into a battle they have no responsibility to clean up.

(He still takes the bastard down, of course.)

(He doesn’t trust Seireitei to not fuck it up somehow.)

But in the aftermath…

In the aftermath, he collapses without warning, reiryoku slipping through his fingers like water.

(At least Hanataro reaches him first.)

Kaito wakes up in the Fourth, Hanataro hovering nearby, feeling like he’s been run over by a truck. He forces himself upright on shaking limbs, trying to assess what exactly is wrong with him, and… finding nothing obvious; no bandages, no bruises, no obvious wounds of any sort… just a pervasive weakness in his limbs and a feeling like he’s being drained by something invisible.

“I’m s-sorry, Kaito-san,” Hanataro murmurs as he helps Kaito sit up. “This… th-this isn’t… I can’t…”

“It’s alright.” Kaito sighs and swings his legs over the side of the bed, ignoring the way his head spins and his eyesight blurs. He’ll push through it. He’s pushed through worse. “Thank you for trying.”

Hanataro grimaces and catches Kaito’s shoulder, easily holding him in place. “K-Kaito-san… Kaito-san sh-shouldn’t move,” he says softly, concern in his eyes as he meets Kaito’s gaze. “Th-this… Kaito-san w-was cursed, a-and we… we can’t… fix it un-unless Kaito-san fulfills the uhm… th-the clause.”

“Cursed,” Kaito repeats dryly, reaching up to lay his hand over Hanataro’s. “You really think curses exist?”

“Kaito-san doesn’t?” Hanataro asks in shock, then huffs a sigh and presses Kaito back into bed, barely needing to exert effort to do so. “It’s a, uhm… it’s a soulmate curse,” he explains as he arranges pillows to help Kaito remain sitting up. His nose wrinkles and he shoots Kaito a deadpan look as he continues, “O-or, I s-suppose, uhm… it’s… a targeted kido th-that latch-latches onto, well…” He gestures vaguely at Kaito’s chest.

“Unsealed connections,” Kaito finishes with a growing feeling of dread, one trembling hand rising to press against his chest and the five hidden marks there. “It’s a… power drain?” he asks, trying to make sense of whatever the hell this kido is.

Hanataro hums in agreement and drags a stool over to perch on. “U-usually, uhm… usually there’s s-someone connected t-to the kido. T-to, uhm… con-control the drain a-and gain th-the power, but…”

“I killed him before he could finish, didn’t I?”

“Y-yes. S-so now…”

“It’s just draining with no one to control it.”

Hanataro nods. “It’s… n-not common anymore, a-and if there w-was a way t-to break it beyond f-finalizing th-the connections we uhm… we d-don’t know, anymore…”

Kaito rubs at his temple, already knowing what his answer will be; with three fully unsealed connections, one barely better, and the last just shy of sealed, there isn’t time for anyone to try to find a second option. Not when he knows who all his soulmates are.

(When they all know who his soulmates are.)

(Why else would the teens be so careful about not touching him?)

(They aren’t fools, after all.)

“Fine,” Kaito says with a sigh, glancing away from Hanataro’s sad-sad-sad expression as he does. “It’s… fine.”

Hanataro scowls at him. “I-it’s not,” he mutters unhappily, even as he slides from the stool and stands up. “But if Kaito-san insists…”

“I do.”

The look Hanataro shoots him is filled with disbelief-resignation-sadness, but his friend makes no further comment, just stalks from the room with a steel-straight spine and stiff shoulders.

Kaito almost pities the teens.

Almost.

*******

It’s Ishida who steps into the room first, though Kaito can feel the other four lingering in the hallway.

“Senpai,” Ishida greets him as he settles on the stool Hanataro left behind. He hesitates then, chewing on his lower lip, clearly at a loss for words.

“I’m surprised Kurosaki’s still outside the door,” Kaito says with an arched eyebrow, trying to prod some words free from the tangle Ishida is no doubt trying to deal with. “Surprised all of them are outside, actually,” he admits after a moment, because… because…

He’d been certain he’d known what their reaction would be, and… sending just Ishida in to talk with him…

This isn’t what he’d expected.

Ishida scowls at him, the expression a very passable imitation of Kurosaki’s best disappointed-scowl, and says, “Senpai, we’re not blind. We asked Unohana about soulmarks after the invasion, and she said that this… that our situation isn’t unknown. That it meant you’d lost your soulmates and that your soul latched onto ours as the nearest set that could fill the gap left behind.”

Kaito blinks at Ishida in surprise; he’d never actually questioned if there was precedent or if this is yet another thing he’s an outlier in, and to hear that it’s normal, that Shinigami know about it…

(All he can feel is relief…)

“You never even asked about it, did you,” Ishida says in exasperation, then shakes his head. “No, never mind, I know the answer already. It doesn’t matter.” He bites his lip again, clearly gathering his words, and says, “I apologize for not warning Kurosaki sooner. I should have.”

“Warning him…?”

“About your reaction to me touching you,” Ishida clarifies, then scowls and holds up a hand when Kaito opens his mouth to protest. “No. Unohana was clear on that; if you didn’t want the connections, then we shouldn’t pressure you about it. Potential connections aren’t usually dangerous, just… a bit annoying at times.”

Kaito grimaces at Ishida’s words and rubs at the bridge of his nose, scrambling to find his own words. The irony of his past self being the one to talk to him about their current mess is… painful, really.

(Has he changed that, too?)

(Did Ishida accept the others sooner, easier, because of how he’d dragged the teen into the group?)

(If he’d just… in his own reality… would things have… turned out differently…?)

“Senpai,” Ishida prompts, concern-worry-care in his voice as he leans forward, hands tucked against his thighs and body tense. “Senpai, please let us help you. I know you probably don’t want us—”

“Shut up,” Kaito growls, infuriated by the sheer certainty in Ishida’s voice that Kaito doesn’t want them, when sometimes it’s all he can do to not just… reach out and take…

It hurts.

And so does the way Ishida flinches back, eyes wide and body tense, one wrong move away from fleeing and—

Kaito leans over. Snatches one of Ishida’s wrists. Digs careful, trembling fingers into Ishida’s skin and revels in the snap of a fully realized connection, intent sealing the link the way casual touch had not. It doesn’t change much, doesn’t stop the drain on his reiryoku, but it… it feels like finally coming home.

(He knows what that is now, knows what that feels like, and he… he…)

(Why had he waited so long…?)

“I lost my soulmates right after I accepted them,” Kaito forces out, ignoring the awe-warmth-care coming from Ishida’s presence, ignoring the way Ishida’s free hand settles over his, gentle-calloused-strong like a reassurance, like a promise. “I accepted them, and then we went our own ways, and then they were gone.”

(All except Ichigo, trapped inside his soul, a different type of soulmate but still his, still the last trace of what he’d had before it was all torn away…)

“That won’t happen to us,” Ishida says softly, firmly, like he has any right to promise such a thing when it was his fault — Kaito’s fault — that everything fell apart—

Ichigo’s sharp denial-anger-rejection carves a jagged line through Kaito’s mind and he flinches, breathes through the sensation until Ichigo’s emotions finally settle, and directs his next words at both Ishida and Ichigo when he says, “You can’t promise that. You don’t know—”

“And neither do you,” Ishida insists, hand tightening on Kaito’s like he can somehow press his surety into Kaito’s skin. “No one does, but… aren’t we different? Didn’t you spend time teaching us to work together? Haven’t we learned— haven’t we changed?”

Kaito grimaces and looks away, knowing the truth of Ishida’s words and part of him hating it as much as he appreciates it.

(This should have been him, should have been how his soulmates ended up, not… not scattered-shattered-dead—)

Fingertips brush across the back of his neck and he shivers at the touch. Leans into it even as Ishida’s hand settles, tightening to press grounding-reassurance-strength into his skin and—

“Come on, Senpai, up you come,” Ishida murmurs as he stands, looping Kaito’s arm over his shoulder and then letting go of his hand in order to—

Kaito squawks as Ishida lifts him up. Scrambles for a handhold, for security, even as Ishida laughs warm-bright-soft and hoists him higher.

“You should probably eat more,” Ishida teases as he nudges the door open with a foot and steps out into the hallway where the other teens are waiting. “Maybe it would be harder for me to do this, then.”

Kaito scowls at Ishida. Sweeps his scowl to the others as they begin to laugh as well. “And where, exactly, do you think you’re taking me?”

“Our room,” Ishida answers breezily. “So we can all curl up and so you can sleep.”

“I just woke up,” Kaito feels the need to point out. “What makes you think I’ll fall asleep so easily?”

Kurosaki coughs, barely hiding a smirk behind his hand, and answers, “Hanataro says you will, as soon as the drain on your reiryoku stops. Something about your body overcompensating for the drain, and needing rest as soon as it stops.”

“This is ridiculous,” Kaito grumbles, resisting the urge to tuck his face into Ishida’s chest in embarrassment. “You could have just… just let me sleep where I was. You don’t need to cart me around like… like some sort of invalid…”

Ishida’s steps falter and he softly asks, “Would you have preferred that, Senpai? Sorry… it… seemed like you wanted us around…”

Kaito flinches and lets go of Ishida’s shoulder with one hand in order to rub at his eyes. Sometimes he hates how well Ishida can read him, for all its almost to be expected given they were once the same person. “It’s… fine,” he answers, unable to give voice to the tangle of need-want-crave that he’s slowly giving in to the longer Ishida holds him.

(It’s… not his father’s hugs, but… it’s still nice.)

(He could… he could grow to like this.)

(Though perhaps with a bit less being carted around like a damsel in distress involved!)

Question-concern-uncertainty prods at him through their new connection, and Kaito sighs softly even as he sends back acceptance-certainty-contentment.

Ishida relaxes even as his arms tighten around Kaito. “Thank you, Senpai,” he says, so many emotions tangled in his words that Kaito can’t pick them apart. “We won’t let you down, I promise.”

“You’d better let me down. I’m not about to be carried around for the rest of my life,” Kaito mock-snarls, purposely missing Ishida’s point in favor of getting a laugh out of the rest of the teens. The soft huff he feels from Ishida tells him he’s escaped that topic of conversation for the moment, which is… certainly a relief.

“Oh, but why not?” Inoue asks, all innocence and cheer as she skips up to Ishida’s side and halfway extends her hand towards Kaito’s. “Don’t you want to be carried?”

Kaito wrinkles his nose at her. “Inoue-san, with all due respect, I’m nearly a foot taller than you and—”

“Yes?” she asks leadingly, a very Unohana-esque smile on her face even as she wriggles her hand at him.

“…never mind,” he mutters as he carefully takes her hand and focuses on that instead of on her face.

(Maybe introducing her to Unohana wasn’t the wisest of decisions after all…)

Their connection hums to life, warm-fierce-protective in a way he never expected to feel from her.

(His connection to his Inoue had been a thing of peace and gentle warmth, but never so protective, never so fierce as this Inoue is.)

(The difference is… staggering.)

(Had he… had he done this?)

Inoue makes a pleased noise and squeezes his hand, her power filtering through their connection, pressing like water against a dam and—

Something snaps as her power ripples into his body, flooding his senses and easing the strain he’s been ignoring. It feels almost like being able to breathe again, but it also makes it obvious how much strength is still being pulled from him.

(Kami… if he’d missed… if that bastard had managed to succeed…)

(No.)

(It’s over.)

(He won.)

Inoue squeezes his hand again, then slips her hand free and darts ahead to open a door just down the hallway. Ishida carries him in, toeing off his slippers and stepping onto the tatami mats—

And instead of setting him down, they both go down, with Ishida kneeling and then tipping backwards into a small pile of pillows.

The teens laugh as Kaito yelps and grips Ishida’s shirt tighter, unused to being manhandled quite so thoroughly. “A bit of warning if you plan to do that again!” he snaps as he slowly releases his grip.

“Sorry, Senpai,” Ishida responds, sounding not at all apologetic. He tugs at Kaito a bit, rearranging their limbs with Kaito’s reluctant assistance, until they’re both reclining and Kaito’s head is resting on Ishida’s chest. “But you have to admit, this is more comfortable than other options.”

Kaito scowls and pinches Ishida’s side. “I don’t have to admit anything,” he mutters sullenly, even as he tips his head slightly to better hear Ishida’s strong-steady-even heartbeat. A hand settles in his hair, tentative and soft, then begins to move when he doesn’t shake it free.

His eyes… maybe close a little, at the feeling.

(Only maybe.)

“You look like a contented cat,” Arisawa says as she drops to sit next to him.

“Shut up,” he mumbles, hoping in vain that his cheeks aren’t turning red from embarrassment. He’d never really known Arisawa in the before, even though she was part of his soul-group, but… he likes this version. She’s a better balance for Kurosaki than Ishida — than any version of himself — will ever be, and it always feels like things are… more steady when she’s around.  

“Hand up, kitty cat,” she teases, though her hands are kind-firm-steady as she takes his hand in hers, her strong grip a reassurance even as her link snaps into vibrant-strong-steady life. She feels like bedrock under his feet, immovable, implacable, but no less caring than Inoue or Ishida.

And then she flops down, plastering herself against Ishida’s side, one arm thrown over Kaito’s waist, and… it should feel constricting, should feel like confinement, but…

It just feels safe.

Kurosaki is next, his hand both foreign and familiar as his fingers curl around Kaito’s hand in place of Arisawa’s. Their half-realized connection settles into place slowly, tentatively, like Kurosaki’s afraid that Kaito will once more reject him and—

Kaito huffs. Tightens his grip. Wills the connection sealed with a snap that jars his teeth and makes the breath catch in his throat.

(It’s so familiar.)

(It’s so familiar!)

(He can’t— he can’t…!)

Arisawa’s presence roars to the fore, shielding him from the sense of almost-Ichigo in his head. He can’t suppress the jagged sob of relief when she does so, but he also refuses to let go when Kurosaki tries to pull away.

(He wants… he wants, but he can’t—)

“I really am like your friend, aren’t I?” Kurosaki murmurs, sad-pained-weary as he tries once again to pull his hand free. “Sorry… I’ll do my best to keep from intruding—”

“You’re not,” Kaito hisses, tightening his grip on Kurosaki’s hand, fingers digging deep into his almost-friend’s skin. Kurosaki isn’t Ichigo, but… but he’s a version of Ichigo, and… and if he lets go, if he looks away, if Kurosaki leaves him again—

A calloused thumb brushes under his eye and across his cheek, dampness trailing behind and—

He’s crying.

He’s crying in front of them.

“You’re crying because of me, I certainly think that’s an indication—”

“Of nothing!” Kaito snaps, accompanying his words with a strong jerk at their joined hands.

Kurosaki yelps and tumbles forward, landing awkwardly across all three of them and driving the breath from both Kaito’s and Ishida’s lungs in the process. Arisawa bites back a curse and tugs her arm free of the pile, and Kurosaki yelps again, indignant-wounded-offended, and wriggles closer to Kaito and Ishida as if to escape her.

Kaito swallows once. Twice. Gathers his confidence and whispers, “I don’t want you to leave.”

Still can’t bring himself to admit that Kurosaki leaving is one of his worst fears, is one of his nightmares—

Kurosaki huffs a laugh, more fond than amused, and twists around to wedge his body between Ishida’s and Arisawa’s. He rests his — pointy! — chin on Kaito’s shoulder and settles his arm across Kaito’s chest, even as Arisawa grumbles and readjusts her own position, arm draping across all of them in something almost like possession, almost like protection.

(It… helps.)

The drain is less now, a tiny fraction of what it was, and Kaito can already feel the exhaustion creeping in. Or rather, he can feel his body acknowledging the exhaustion at last, the razor-thin edge of survival finally dulling and giving him a moment to breathe. It’s a familiar sensation, though usually not so drastic, and he knows that Hanataro was right.

(He can already feel himself starting to drift.)

The only one who hasn’t affirmed their connection with him is Sado, which… doesn’t entirely surprise him.

(That Sado and Inoue can stand his presence at all is—)

(No.)

(Breathe.)

Kaito cracks an eye open and blinks away the blur of unshed tears, trying to focus beyond them where—

Sado sits by Ishida’s side, his presence calm-patient-steady as he watches over them. The minute he spots Kaito’s attention on him, he leans forward and offers his hand, waiting for Kaito to take it. It’s a pointed gesture, just like all the others; it’s his choice, the teens all try to convey, even when they all know it’s a lie.

He takes Sado’s hand anyway.

(Maybe he’ll mind later, or maybe he won’t.)

(But for now… for now… the feeling of belonging is worth more than the shame of giving in.)

Sado’s connection is… steady. Poised. Like Arisawa’s own bedrock-steady confidence but… quieter. Sado isn’t the sort to draw attention to himself until he needs to, and that’s reflected in their connection. It feels like the ocean, nominally peaceful but quiet-deadly-vast beneath the surface, ready to roar to life at a moment’s notice.

And with that, the final thread of binding snaps like a brittle twig.  

“Kaito-kun should rest,” Inoue says firmly, even as she tucks herself in next to Sado. Her small hand settles on his shoulder again, and her reiatsu filters into his body, a steady trickle slowly filling his reserves.

“Don’t exhaust yourself,” Kaito mutters as he tucks his head more firmly against Ishida’s chest and closes his eyes. “We aren’t fighting again anytime soon. I can rest until I’ve recovered.”

Inoue hums softly but doesn’t stop her kido. “Trust me to know my limits, Kaito-kun.”

Kaito huffs a sigh but doesn’t argue further, just lets the press of everyone’s power quiet his mind.

He breathes.

Drifts.

Sleeps.

[sirsparklepants]

I've been staring at my WIPs a lot recently, as you do, and I think it's time to release everything I've got of my favorite story I will never write. I kind of fell out of Overwatch before I had the spoons for longfic, and now there's so much lore to catch up on (this dates from before Doomfist was released) that I'm just not going to be able to incorporate, but it's still a really great idea that I really love, so I'm going to put my story notes and snippets out into the wild.

The Darkness In Our Hands

Jesse McCree wasn't expecting to get a message when the Recall went out. He'd been Blackwatch, after all - he'd written half their playbook. But he'd lived five years with the death and slander of Gabriel Reyes burning in his chest, not knowing who to blame, and this new Overwatch was the best way to find out who had killed him so he could kill them right back. But the deeper he looks, the more mysteries he finds - and he'll need some help if he's ever going to get his justice.

[[MORE]]

Crime and conspiracy fic

Opening: McCree, in the middle of nowhere, New Mexico - give insight into the state of the world and how territorial governments are, him thinking on Reyes and what he owes to him, the recall message, decides to respond but have his own agenda.

He travels thinking about how different from the rest of Overwatch Blackwatch was, and how he hopes at least one Blackwatch agent has made it back, thinking about past with Genji - flashbacks to unsavory missions maybe? Arrival - he sees new faces and is not particularly prepared because he didn't feel it was secure enough to ask on a comm line who was there. Not as familiar with this base, paranoia rising, but then a familiar face! Sort of. (when he arrives Reinhardt and Brigitte are fighting about Brigitte calling Torb on him, Reinhardt doesn't want to pull Torb away from his wife) ← might combine these two into one chapter?

Genji puts him off when he initially tries to talk though, and when McCree pulls him aside to speak about his own personal mission Genji talks first about Hanzo and Genji's changes, and McCree realizes that Genji is so utterly different as to be unrelatable, so he never does tell Genji the whole story of why he's there. Genji asks him to give Hanzo a chance instead of acting on his loyalties to Genji and providing retribution. End of section, Hanzo arrives

McCree and Hanzo spend some time scoping each other out but they can both tell they're very different from the people around them. A particular do-gooder incident happens and they bond over looking at each other like “r u srs rn”. Meanwhile, Winston is creating profiles for everyone and trying to find a fit for like… intelligence gathering, brute force, explosives, etc - team roles I guess? In the interests of that are exhaustive interviews and training. First kinky sex somewhere in here

McCree is getting antsy at this point and I need to move along from character development to actual plot, so time to send out trial field intel squad for a rootin tootin hopefully not shootin time! They go - somewhere with a large Asian population where someone McCree’s size won't stand out. Uh. This is a note to do more research into where Omniums are. Hong Kong maybe? Hong Kong is a good city for crime. Maybe Singapore if I want to make things difficult for them what with all the weapons laws. Anyway. Somewhere with an omnic population that's not great with outsiders but Genji knows enough about their culture to be respectful and he's metal enough he won't stand out. They're not actually researching Talon but McCree is! Hanzo catches him and then they're wary partners. The omnic culture thing is a breadcrumb, be sure to emphasize it.

They leave and Genji finds out Jesse and Hanzo are screwing and starts laughing and taunting them both and being a fucker, he gets slightly let in on the Reyes plot, Intel Squad tentatively a success, they've all bonded and everyone is confused about it

Meanwhile while they were gone a stomach bug swept the base and Mercy throws a fit about not being a GP. McCree shares a cigar with her to calm her down and starts making a plan to try and get information sneakily out of everyone by reminiscing - I think??? No one knows who Reaper actually is at this point??? Anyway everyone talks shit about the UN and there's more worldbuilding dumps because this feels like the right place to put it. McCree and Hanzo and Genji are kept basically quarantined until the base isn't contagious and in that time they devise A Plan. Also enter Zenyatta because Mercy really needs a backup doctor

Lúcio isn't vetted yet so McCree gets sent out alone to send him an offer, there's a Talon base in Brazil he investigates on the way maybe? I feel like this is enough outline to be getting on with atm tho. Yeah, talon base in Brazil where there's a mention of Talon trying to infiltrate Vishkar

Meanwhile, Ana and 76 have shown up at Gibraltar because they figured out someone was tracking their movements and wanted to go to ground in the general area but spotted the activity there and they're both not best pleased that Overwatch has started back up. When McCree comes back with Lúcio there's another fight he walks into - a running joke? Every time he returns to base there's someone yelling. Second kinky sex, very dominance and pain flavored because McCree needs to shut his brain up. Or maybe not, that’s a long time to go without porn??? Maybe they have coitus interruptus with Genji and that’s how he finds out

Ana and 76 hang around for a while but can't stomach the idea of being there too long because they have their own mission but they drop the bomb that Reaper is Reyes and he's Teh Evulz now because they know too much and i need to get rid of them so we don’t have experienced field operatives for mccree to work around. Also some Widowmaker info dump here. McCree pretends to be shocked but he has a different definition of evil than most people so he doubles down on his investigation and wants Hanzo to give up some contacts. Metal arm fisting here maybe???

what. the fuck. has reaper been doing all this time. has he just been swanning around in the background ruining investigations? maybe he’s laying low because the winston raid thing made him so visible? talon needs to work underground so yeah this sounds right. in the meantime VISKHAR because lucio is here now so we can talk more about the evils of corporations and have corporate espionage going on. Lucio says they should look more into vishkar and they make contact with symmetra who is a whistleblower, ideological clash because that’s what i’m about. lucio and symmetra are both trans with prosthetics btw, that’s happening now because i said so and because hormones are a horrible way to control someone and so it makes sense that vishkar controls sym’s access to them along with her arm. because they’re fuckers. A N Y W A Y vishkar knows things about the old omnica corporation.

sombra makes contact with them here because she’s been keeping an eye on the new overwatch and talon thinks that maybe mccree could be an ally, not that he knows that at the time but they test him out with a dead drop with omnic-related code shit on a TEAM MISSION which happens to, idk, build goodwill or something. winston got info from someone for something and i have to have at least one team mission happen in the foreground, it can’t be all background shit and Intel Group. the mission goes. okay-ish. someone gets fairly seriously injured? tracer, maybe, or reinhardt, either way i can write their significant others fussing over them. it’s a member of old overwatch so winston can be conflicted and take people off field missions for a bit so mccree can tinker around and end up having to ask zenyatta for help. a much longer sex scene than normal here somewhere? OHYES this is where i’m gonna stick the scene where Hanzo makes McCree take off his prosthetic legs and makes McCree leave on his prosthetic arm (because pain kink and metal arm kink and he has to have both arms to handle him) and basically makes McCree fuck him in exactly the way he likes, up to and including making McCree bounce him up and down on his lap. AND THEN ACTUAL AFTERCARE HAPPENS FOR ONCE, A TURNING POINT. perhaps there’s a scene where one of them lays their head on the other’s sweaty heaving chest and doesn’t even mind the sweat in fine romance novel tradition

something has to happen here for pacing reasons but i’m fucked if i know exactly what. uhhhh for Reasons they have to go to an omnic city? more omnic culture and worldbuilding dump here.

aaaaand then the Reveal Chapter: reyes knows something about this mystery mccree stumbled into when he was investigating the death, and he’s willing to talk. hanzo and mccree make plans to meet with him. and then we find out that the reason reyes blew switzerland was because he was working for talon ALL ALONG. the chapter ends with a ridiculous dramatic sequence where mccree puts together all the evidence and goes “so talon was created to fight the god programs”

okay this is the chapter when i get down to the nitty-gritty and break down the structure of talon and have like. a nice artsy chapter explaining how the omnics came to be and how the government created wars to be fucks and all that. i will get to the details of this LATER but the important part is that at the end of it hanzo and mccree are secret talon moles and they have actually pretty kink-free sex while staring into each other’s eyes and kind of freak each other out with how they like and trust each other and that doesn’t happen in their world but it’s overshadowed by the freakout of them agreeing to work for a shadow organization that wants to destabilize all the world’s governments, the fuck were we thinking??? the fuck was i thinking this isn’t even the proper climax, i die

okay for pacing reasons i have to have at least two chapters of them doing double agent things and getting more deeply involved in overwatch, fuck. some public missions should be mentioned where they like. intervene in humanitarian crisises and shit. crises. whatever. maybe hanzo and mccree have to split up and feel sad that they miss each other? one chapter for hanzo to make contact with his shady criminal underworld people to get verifiable info - maybe like. idk. plastic surgery clinic records - and mccree to re-emerge and rehabilitate his image?

and after that one chapter where like. winston gets suspicious about shit. and maybe??? they have to bring EVERYONE in on this huge conspiracy? they have enough evidence to convince other people? yeah i like this, i want to emphasize how ragtag and vigilante-like and underground the new overwatch is. probably an actual defining the relationship talk and possessive sex here.

story ends with like. a giant news story break i think. as i get closer to the end i’ll know more about what threads need resolving. BUT that is the end of my outline. I DID IT HOORAY

Notes

So McCree responds to the recall not because he believes in the cause like Winston does - he probably still sees most of Overwatch as outsiders, although he's at least surface friendly with most of them by the time he leaves based on in-game interactions - but because something in Overwatch killed Reyes, who he doesn't yet know is Reaper, and joining back up with Overwatch is his best chance to find out what it was and hit them back for killing someone who had his loyalty. He's friendly still because that's the best way to get what he wants, i.e. information and access to records, but this isn't like Blackwatch. He's not surrounded by people who came from the same type of lawless loyalty structure he did, who think the way he thinks - they all believe in restorative justice, and his whole life, justice has been nothing but punitive. The only person he was counting on to understand him, Genji, has changed, and it's probably better for him, but he's become different. He doesn't lash out the way he used to. He believes in second chances, where in the places they both came from, you paid for a second chance in blood. He's done with revenge. He's well and truly gotten out of the life, and McCree has never changed his mindset and never will, because it's kept him alive this long. But Genji has brought along someone he does understand - his brother. McCree gets Hanzo, he gets why he did what he did, even though he regrets it. McCree isn't happy about it, but when he was fifteen he came along to meet the cartels with Deadlock, and when he was sixteen he saw what they did to turncoats. You pay for treachery with blood in their world, and Genji betrayed the Shimadas by passing along information. Hanzo paid when he lost his place, and he made his clan pay for what they made him do. Him, McCree understands, and McCree starts testing him out, because he could use an ally in finding out what was under the surface of squeaky clean Overwatch.

And Hanzo understands him. Hanzo is here because he owes a debt to his brother, still, and because he wants to understand Genji. But everyone in Overwatch is alien to him. They take him working for them as a given, as if of course he would want to make up for what he's done. But there's a difference between owing a debt and regretting his whole life. Hanzo was an assassin after he left the Shimadas, and he feels no need to atone for that. It was what he was skilled in, and he also became skilled in finding things out his clients did not wish him to, because being manipulated by his clan taught him to be canny, to find out people's real motivations. So he knows McCree wants his skills for something, but he's willing to make an alliance for the sake of mutual understanding.

So they ally together, with the understanding that any betrayal will be paid in blood, that they both know different tricks of the trade. McCree wants information on Overwatch, and Hanzo wants protection and information on Genji. McCree works on the old guard to find things out, and Hanzo gets in touch with his criminal contacts in every place he's deployed on a mission. And they start to find things out about Talon...

I don't actually know what the resolution to that story would be. The talon-is-hydra-overwatch-is-shield thing has been done. Maybe I'd go a route of "talon was actually founded by Reaper to fight corruption in the UN and that's how he has all those Blackwatch members" and there would be a worldwide conspiracy where the God programs and therefore the omnic crisis were created by top tiers of government and weapons corporations to create a threat that would keep governments separate, give them more power, and give the companies more profit.

...y'know what I actually really like that idea. The world was getting closer and closer to more human rights and one large global government, and corporations and world powers really didn't like that. So what's the best way for humans to give power to government? When they want to be protected from a threat, of course. And they won't be thinking rationally. They'll want to stay apart, because of course the whole thing is *insert other country*'s fault. So Hanzo and McCree run into Reaper and discover this conspiracy and are from then on Reaper's agents inside Overwatch, both to get information and to get enough media exposure they're familiar faces and trusted by the public. So when they blow this thing wide open, it can't be swept under the rug.

Bonus things in this story:

-they have to bring Genji in because he has the most connections to the omnic community through Zenyatta and Omnics have some key evidence to the conspiracy

-bastion provides an essential clue.

-omnic culture and worldbuilding

-underground cities

-Sombra is key, both as a contact that knows what's going on in Mexico (where Important Things should happen just because I mentioned the cartels so they should play at leat a minor part) and in helping them to get into Blackwatch data undetected

-symmetra helps them spy on Vishkar, which was one of the corporations to profit the most from the crisis because they got the most contracts for rebuilding

-Hanzo, McCree, and Genji sit around and exchange stories about things they had to do for deadlock/the Shimadas; it's all horrifically violent and gory but they all three get drunk and laugh about it because it's their life and they won't let it break them and it kept them alive

-it ends with Genji being happy that he's not forced to do lots of violence any more and McCree and Hanzo being perfectly happy with their very violent lives

So Talon has a ruling council which both Reaper and Doomfist are a part of and factions are #confirmed (ty for info people who are up on overwatch lore I Cannot watch a video rn), and Talon is all involved in a global conspiracy. That's canon. So what if Talon is several disparate movements that allied themselves? They need to fight this war on all the fronts they can, given the potential power of their opponents.

Irl, the UN is not a super powerful body - people put much more faith in individual governments of countries. So what makes the UN able to create a peacekeeping force? Well, what if before the crisis, some large thing happened that made the world move towards one earth government and the UN being powerful is remnants of that?

Kind of tempted to channel my frustration with the world falling apart and all the political conflicts into saying that in like... 2022 or sth, something bad enough happened that humanity decided that the only solution was to come together - perhaps we came close to nuclear annihilation? Just writing about it as a small bit of backstory and making the Scary Potential a side note in history seems like it could be really reassuring. Thoughts? (2020 note: I wrote this in 2017 and all I have to say today is OOF)

With this cooperation between nations, corporations couldn't take advantage of cheap labor in developing countries any more, and there was more of a focus on education. That could account for the leaps and bounds in science in sixty years. But that lack of cheap labor meant that robotics was developed more and more, until automation became artificial intelligences. Omnics.

The game takes place in 2076 and the Crisis took place anywhere from 20 to 30 years before that. I'll say it didn't officially start until 2050, but for several years there were developing tensions and small-scale attacks. Historians disagree about the exact cause of the crisis.

It was in the best interest of the Omnica Corporation to not let on how intelligent and sentient Omnics were - with the new focus on human rights, it was only a matter of time before an omnic rights movement erupted.

But the information started to leak. Sometime in the late 2040s, people who worked closely with Omnics started to talk to other people, tell them about how they really were intelligent and person like. And if it came out that the corporation had been deliberately hiding that, things would be bad.

So they had to do damage control.

Meanwhile, the governments of nations that used to be world powers, that used to do as they pleased, aren't that pleased with the fact that they have a lot of eyes on them and they can't meddle the way they used to in the world.

So they get together, and they throw money at the problem, and they come up the the God Programs.

Scientists worked in cells, and when they were done, they often disappeared. There could be no evidence.

And then it didn't matter how intelligent Omnics were. They were the enemy, and everyone hated them. The top executives of the Omnica corporation knew they would be hated, so they had a backup plan. They disappeared. They had surgeries. Their money went somewhere else under a different name. And they resurfaced in areas very far from any of the fighting.

Here is the secret that the Omnics and Sombra help uncover: Omnics were not meant to evolve, to change, beyond basic learning. Originally, they couldn't modify themselves. They had to come to a licensed technician, who was human. Quality control. Planned obsolescence. What the God programs did was take that cap off, distribute a patch that meant that Omnics could fix themselves - but there was a worm in the code that allowed them to be taken over. And the information that would allow that to happen? Before the crisis, it was proprietary corporate information. That shit had the highest security levels in the modern world. Corporations are very protective of their secrets. So either they were infiltrated or the crisis was an inside job. Either way, it was orchestrated by humans.

There's an implication that no humans worked in the Omniums at all, that they were completely automated, and I'm just... Gonna ignore that because it boggles the mind. The people who worked there did have to wear constant radiation shielding because apparently if Omniums are destroyed they leak radiation (or is it that the Australian one was destroyed with a nuclear device? Can anyone help me find a straight answer on this because it makes no sense) but they did work there because automation and seeing things indirectly through cameras and things means the Omniums were networked, and if they were networked they were less secure. So people worked there.

The plan to make the god programs was started off by the fraud accusations and was what caused the executives to bail the fuck out. Several plastic surgery clinics got entirely new wings just before the omnic crisis and I think this should be a weird clue that someone - probably Sombra through her hacking or Symmetra through her knowledge of corporate ins and outs - digs up.

The God programs and the militarized omnics that were pumped out allowed omnics to modify themselves and to develop things like their own independent communication methods and languages. Omnic language is a combination of binary and different computer code languages. There are different regional "dialects" depending what code language was easiest for the omnics in the area to learn and adapt to when modifying their own programming. It's also most often encrypted with... Probably some method I'll have to do research on.

Oops well I think I just ran myself into a big fuckin' wall here, and that wall is Widowmaker. She is canonically brainwashed by Talon into an assassin, and I don't want to make her husband Awful Abusive Forever and erase what was done to her.

Maybe Widowmaker is the face of Talon's moral ambiguity - she was created by a now-defunct Mad Science branch because while her husband wasn't awful for her, he was in a key position, and killing him would destabilize the power structure, and because Talon as a group's motto is probably "the end justifies the means", they still use her. This is probably a major sticking point for any omnics that want to join Talon's cause, and I could use that to highlight how desperate people can get when they're facing someone who has massive power over them.

Actually, have a couple of crime and conspiracy fic tidbits related to that: when he first went on the run, Hanzo got a nasty infection because he was so used to biotics that he didn't glove up or properly sterilize his tools before treating his own wounds. After a ten day course of penicillin derivative and a bad stomach reaction to them, he learned. Conversely, Deadlock probably had one or two fairly low-power biotic emitters, probably military surplus, and use of them was a privilege if you were high-ranking or a reward if you'd done particularly well but got kind of fucked up in the meantime. McCree has one or two big scars on his torso, and they're pretty visible because he got them young, but they don't inhibit his movements because he got treatment for them during his Blackwatch days. Hanzo, on the other hand, has a nasty hypertrophic scar on his upper thigh from the infection he got, and it occasionally restricts his movements.

Snippets

The stomach virus one

They hadn't been directed to medbay after the debriefing. This new Overwatch hadn't exactly established much standard operating procedure - hard to when you were a bunch of vigilantes and more or less all wanted under international law - but it still struck Jesse wrong, whatever Winston said. He'd known Angela longer than he'd known anyone here but Genji. They didn't run in the same circles, but they'd both been recruited before they were really supposed to be, and that gave them a bit of camaraderie Jesse wasn't afraid to lean on. He left the Shimadas to their not quite good-natured bickering and headed for the office just off the infirmary.

Angela's face, when he opened the door, made him glad he'd stopped by. Even her legendary (and probably nanite-enhanced, given the direction of her research) youthful looks were flagging under some kind of strain. Her undereyes were dark and her mouth was drawn, which in a trauma surgeon used to work in the field meant she'd been working for days on four hours or less. Jesse didn't have to do much beyond waving the nice cigars he'd picked up in (location) at her before she was out of her chair and headed towards the nearest balcony with him, monitor clipped to the lapel of her white coat. They hadn't smoked together since the recall, but the old tradition they shared seemed to be as clear in her mind as it was in his.

He was quiet for a few moments, just passing her the lighter, until they'd both blown out slow mouthfuls of fragrant smoke. Then Angela sighed, and some of the tension slipped away from her shoulders as she stared off at the waves. "You probably shouldn't be even this close to me, Jesse."

Jesse laughed at her, a low quiet chuckle. Anything truly serious and Athena wouldn't have let him anywhere near medical. "And why's that?" he asked her, slowly pulling in the rich smoke and rolling it around his mouth.

"The whole base has come down with a nasty stomach virus," she told him. "I have most of them in cots, hooked up to IVs. It's horrible! A certain amount of bodily fluids is to be expected in this job, of course, but the cleaning drones simply can't keep up. It's as much as I can do to keep everyone hydrated and mostly clean. Comfortable is out of the question. It's very contagious, and I haven't done work like this since my residency! I'm not a generalist. I don't prescribe birth control or deal with routine ailments!" Her accent grew sharper as she spoke, and when she'd finished, she took a deep breath before taking her own smooth pull of cigar smoke.

Jesse winced. He was glad any lingering sour smell was covered up by their cigars. He'd take blood and guts over vomit any day. "The whole base?" he asked. No wonder the corridors had been so quiet.

Angela nodded emphatically. "Everyone present, except for Winston, of course. I'm simply thankful it isn't zoonotic."

Jesse whistled. The infirmary had to be filled to capacity. "And nothing you've given 'em makes the nausea any better? That does sound nasty."

Angela froze with her cigar halfway to her mouth, and then began to curse emphatically. (German curses here.) She pulled her bangs with her free hand. "I can't believe I've been so stupid! I never give patients an antiemetic, it's dangerous when they could have been drinking poisoned water, but that doesn't apply here! (More German curses.)" Eventually, she subsided and took a particularly vicious pull off of her cigar.

"Easy with that," Jesse told her. "That's the good stuff - don't waste it."

"Oh, I'm not wasting it, believe me," she told him. "It's keeping me from storming Winston's office and demanding he add a generalist to the staff. Doctors have specializations, and this one isn't mine!"

"I could talk to him, if you like," Jesse told her. His voice was even, though inside he was triumphant. He'd wanted a reason to bring Zenyatta on, and the universe had just dumped it in his lap. "Might even have someone in mind."

"Would you?" Angela asked him, staring wistfully at the half a cigar she had left. "It's only - I have to dose everyone now, and wait half an hour to see how they respond, and I haven't slept since - too long."

"Wouldn't mind a bit," Jesse told her. "You worry about clearing out the infirmary. I'll work on our fearless leader."

Angela looked, briefly, as if she was about to cry. Instead, she breathed in deeply and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, her expression had settled. "Thank you, Jesse," she told him, and smiled. The expression was no less lovely for being surrounded by signs of her exhaustion. "These really are quite nice," she added, puffing again on her cigar.

Jesse laughed. "You come find me whenever you need another one," he told her. They smoked the rest of their cigars in silence.

The twelve o'clock high one

76 - Morrison - sighed. There came the sounds of him pacing around the room, his ridiculous boots heavy against the grating. "Winston," he said finally, "you like movies. You ever watch any old war movies - from the 20th century, I mean?"

"Well, no," Winston said, sounding honestly puzzled. "Most of them are well over a century old. I didn't think they'd have much cultural relevance."

Morrison snorted. "Not much cultural relevance," he repeated. "Maybe not out in the world, but here in Overwatch - in any place you've got to take command and order people into the line of fire - they still matter. Put one on your list. Twelve O'Clock High. The original, from 1949, not the remake they made right after the crisis." His gruff voice didn't make it a suggestion. Still used to ordering people around, McCree guessed.

"I will, but why would you pull me aside just to say that?" Winston sounded baffled and slightly irritated.

Morrison sighed again, a heavy put-upon sound. "This would be easier if you'd seen the damn thing. Used to have all the command track recruits watch it." The pacing sounds started up again for several moments.

"It's a movie about leadership," Morrison said finally. "And about what happens when you get too close to the people under your command. It's bad for you and it's bad for the mission, and it gets people killed. You can't be their commander and their friend at the same time."

"I fail to see how any of this is your business," Winston said, voice firm and starting to get frosty. You tell 'em, bud, McCree thought.

"I watched this organization fall once because of its commanders," Morrison said. "I can't watch you make the same mistakes. I bowed too far to the UN, but Reyes was too close to his men. Some of them came in young, but they'd done things that made sure they would never be kids again. Reyes couldn't see that. They were all loyal to him in their own way, as much as they could be, but he thought it meant he owed them some loyalty too, and he couldn't do that and send them into danger like we had back then for special ops. They got into his head, made him too much like them, and he snapped."

Winston was saying something else, and McCree forced himself to pay attention to that instead of the rush of blood in his ears, his clenched hands, his pounding heart.

"I believe that will be all, 76," Winston said. The frost in his tone had thickened up into a full ice sheet. McCree took that as his cue to slink out before the super soldier sniffed out his hiding spot - literally, maybe.

Morrison thought his loyalty put Reyes in a bad spot? It sure had - but it was his lingering loyalty to Jack Morrison that had gotten him killed, McCree was sure. Morrison really was blind if he thought Reyes had been doing anything in Zurich besides trying to pull Morrison's blond ass out of there before it blew.

what I have of chapter one

Jesse McCree had disappeared. Oh, he surfaced every now and then in some attention-grabbing way, but it wasn't healthy for a man with a bounty as high as his to go around under his own name. He'd taken a handful of false identities with him when he'd left Blackwatch, and he did enough flashy stunts with his familiar getup from the bounty posters to keep anyone from digging deeper and finding them. Most people figured he spent the rest of his time lurking around all the lonely, uncivilized places of the Southwest, like he had before he joined up - it was closer to the twenty-second century than the twenty-first, but urban sprawl hadn't conquered all the emptiness of his home state yet. So he was very surprised to receive any communication addressed to Jesse McCree at all, much less on the secure comm he carried more for sentiment than practicalities these days. And yet there was still a quiet, persistent chirp indicating a message for him.

Jesse wasn't stupid, of course. He didn't open the message that day. He'd spent too much time in a covert ops unit to trust anything that could send an active signal. He let it stay in the hard-sided guitar case that held his weapons and anything else he didn't want connected to the soft-spoken insurance adjuster who rented his Albuquerque apartment. Instead, he used his legitimate phone to reserve Chris Stevenson a campsite at a national park and rent a car for the weekend. No one had yet managed to bring enough signal towers out there that phones worked, and the campers liked it that way. Chris liked it too - it gave him a good excuse for not being available if his boss called with a last minute assignment, he told the park ranger.

Jesse, on the other hand, wasn't much for camping - he'd spent more than enough time out under the stars, first in Deadlock and then in Blackwatch, and his back wasn't as young as it used to be. But needs must - the signal could be a trap, or it could be someone from the old days needing his help. You could say a lot of bad things about Jesse McCree - most did, these days. But he knew what he owed Reyes and Blackwatch both, and he paid back his debts.

The canyon he'd chosen had several isolated hiking trails, and he set off for one just after dawn the day after he'd arrived. The other tents, few as they were, were quiet. He still waited until he'd reached the peak of his chosen trail, where he could see anyone coming, before he played the message.

Of all the faces he'd expected to project in front of him, Winston's wasn't among them. He was too recognizable, and Jesse stifled the urge to curse. The audio was routed through the wireless headset he'd brought, of course, but five years on, Winston's face still screamed Overwatch to anyone who cared to see. A talking gorilla was hard to forget. Still, Jesse let the message finish - it was very early - and dropped the comm into a pocket of the backpack he'd brought with him. Then he sat down right where he was.

Anyone passing by might have thought he'd be watching the sunrise, but he'd seen too many from the wrong end when he was with Deadlock to be stunned by nature's beauty any more. Chris was watching the sunrise, of course - a natural early riser, he saw sunrises from as many places as he could get away with. But Jesse McCree just happened to be staring at the horizon while he contemplated his options.

He didn't doubt the comm had sent some sort of locational ping out, so he'd need to burn Chris no matter what he decided. A pity - he'd liked being somewhere familiar, a place where he knew the lay of the land, how to find the best restaurant in a little highway town, which outcroppings kept you out of view of the satellites passing by, which streets nice people avoided at night. Couldn't be helped, though. Most of the Southwest was dangerous for him now. He couldn’t be sure someone hadn’t piggybacked whatever ping Winston’s call had sent out. He was inclined to curse his luck, hop a train, and move out - somewhere east, maybe - except. There was something he owed, and a debt to a ghost didn't make it any less real. He didn't have anything in common with the old Overwatch staff he guessed that idealistic message had been aimed at, but they had resources and records. Maybe he could use them to track down what really happened to Reyes.

Jesse’d been halfway to disappearing on a deep-cover mission - all they did in Blackwatch those days - when the news about Zurich broke. He could smell bullshit on a cover story from a mile away, and this one reeked. Reyes wasn’t jealous of Morrison - that asshole had to deal with the paperwork and politics while Reyes got to intervene in the real hot spots. If he’d been in Zurich, it was out of a sense of loyalty to his old army buddy. That loyalty had gotten him killed, and no one in Overwatch seemed interested in doing anything but slandering him after the fact.

Just because they didn't do much of an investigation didn't mean that they didn't still have records up in Gibraltar, though. The Watchpoints had all been networked at one point. Athena had had limits put on her when the Petras Act passed, but Winston had made her devious, under all the fussing. She had to be if she was going to fight Overwatch’s enemies. McCree's access had been stripped when the UN had recalled Blackwatch’s authorization, but that meant jack shit if Athena decided he needed to know something. And he knew how to ingratiate himself with her.

It’d mean the end of his relatively peaceful existence, but hell, he'd already known he'd have to get rid of Chris and go on the run. Might as well run a little farther than usual. He could check out the lay of the land, see who all was there and what they were up to. It wouldn't be fun - he was Reyes’ man to the bone, still, and none of the proper Overwatch agents would understand that - but this was the closest he'd come to being able to pay back the man who'd changed his life in years. He couldn't let it slip through his fingertips.

International travel was, according to those who could remember, a bit more difficult to manage now than it was before the Crisis. The United States especially had buckled down on the jingoism, blaming most of Europe for letting the Omnica Corporation run wild. It wasn't as bad as it has been in the 20s, of course, but if Overwatch hadn't provided the encryption on his passport themselves, McCree would have found himself paying a pretty penny for a good fake. As it was, he wasn't exactly flush with cash right now, so he was glad Chris’s papers were still good.

Chris Stevenson, despite his whitebread name, had family in Spain: a sister who'd recently taken ill. So he - and Jesse McCree, under his skin - was flying to Madrid. Teleporters were still new and expensive, and Chris couldn't afford one. The days of the ancient, cramped airliners were long over, though. Chris had a ticket on an overnight flight, with his own little cot and plastic privacy wall and two credits to use in the onboard cafeteria.

The flight attendant directed them all through the ship’s amenities, pointing out the cafeteria and the bathrooms as well as the small rec area, on the way to direct them all to their berths. They had to go through the first class lounge first thing, of course - probably to make them all regret they hadn’t coughed up enough to spend half the trip on leather furniture drinking premium cocktails. Jesse couldn’t care less about it. He planned to eat, sleep, and then eat on this trip; airline food wasn’t that great, but he’d eaten plenty of bad shit in his life, and he’d need the rest and the calories to find the best ways to ditch Chris’s identity and make his way across the border into Gibraltar.

The berths were more private than the ones on most of the Overwatch transports he’d been on in his time, but that wasn’t saying much; military didn’t think anything of communal bunkrooms for everyone but officers, and Overwatch had always been true to its military roots. The ship wasn’t ritzy enough to have sound cancelling tech in any cabin but first class, so he could hear the contained but emphatic ruckus happening two berths over. Politeness would have dictated Chris did his best to ignore it, but Jesse had always been an incurable snoop, and years of covert ops hadn’t exactly curbed that. He tucked his bags under the plastic frame of his ship’s cot and leaned against the thin barrier under the guise of working his boots off.

“I don’t see why we’re kept out of the lounge,” a voice Jesse pegged as belonging to someone around Reinhardt’s age said crossly. “We paid our fare just like everyone else!”

“I’m afraid the lounge is for first class passengers only,” said their flight attendant, in the calming tones universal to customer service employees who weren’t allowed to tell customers to fuck off but who really wished they could. “However, if you would like to upgrade -”

“Don’t you upgrade me!” the older voice said again. “I went on these transports when they were first made, twenty years ago, and they didn’t have any sort of restrictions! This is just - it’s a cash grab, is what it is, by unscrupulous -”

“Pop! He can’t do anything about that. I’m sure it’s corporate policy,” interrupted a younger voice, audibly embarrassed. “I’m so sorry about this.”

“It’s quite all right - I understand change is difficult. Can I offer you -”

“We’re not interested in little placating gifts, like drink tickets, you corporate shill!” the older voice yelled again.

Jesse felt a twinge of sympathy for the flight attendant having to deal with all that, but he felt it was safe to tune out at that point. His boots - sturdy hiking boots, not the attention-getting cowboy boots of his wanted poster getup, good for grip on all sorts of surfaces - were unlaced and under the bunk and they weren’t quite underway, so he decided he’d be hitting the cafeteria early. And maybe he’d shell out for a drink for the old man’s traveling companion, he thought, shuffling quietly past the squabble. He was sure the flight attendant couldn’t drink on duty, or else he’d send him one first.

It was a ten-hour flight, and mission discipline should have sent him right to sleep for seven of them after his mediocre cafeteria meal. But he hadn’t had anyone hanging over his shoulder to enforce that discipline in five years, and sleep didn’t come easy. After an hour of trying to force himself into something deeper than a doze, he gave up and summoned the flight attendant for a drink. Jesse would have preferred to work out his troubles in a gym or at the range, but the transport had neither, and this was a good enough substitute to quiet the buzzing of his brain enough for a few hours’ rest.

He just couldn’t work it out, was the thing. Why had Winston called him, of all people, back? It didn’t fit with the do-gooder message he’d sent out. Jesse didn’t recall running with him much on the very few occasions he’d been sent to liaise with the main Overwatch forces, so it wasn’t out of some misplaced nostalgia. Winston’d been close with Tracer, though, and she’d seen him in action enough to know that he didn’t hold with tugging on heartstrings as a way to run things. None of Blackwatch had. Why did Winston bother sending the message out to them at all?

Jesse doubted many of the Blackwatch members - those still out of jail after the Petras Act stripped them of their pardons, anyway - would be at Gibraltar when he showed, with a message like that. Maybe Genji would. He’d been pretty tight with Reyes. Not as tight as Jesse, but the man needed some guidance on letting anger fuel you instead of rule you when he first joined up, and Reyes had that in spades. Jesse hoped he’d be there, or else he’d be running a covert mission in enemy territory solo, with no extraction plan and no end point. He could do it, but it’d be tricky. He hadn’t used anything more than basic infiltration skills in years, since his neighbors rarely required the effort. Overwatch was all trained operatives, though, and he’d be kept on his toes even with reliable backup.

Wasn’t worth borrowing trouble about, though. Jesse had more immediate concerns, like the best way to ditch Chris without raising too many suspicions, and how long he’d have to wait in Madrid before Peacekeeper made her own way across the Atlantic. And before all that, he needed to sleep. He knocked back the last swallow of his liquor and laid down, determined to get a little rest while he was secure.

It turned out that Peacekeeper wouldn’t be in Madrid after all. His smuggler contact had left him a coded message that told him to meet her for dinner in Malaga. Jesse’d had to hustle to get to the train, but he’d made it - and he was riding on the inside this time. Europe had more satellite cameras fixed on it than the deserts of the US did, and there was no reason to draw the attention of their flagging algorithms. Besides, the wireless connection inside the train was better.

One of Overwatch’s support staff had cooked up a program that disengaged an identity from public records gradually, in case anyone needed to use them again or the activity was being monitored. Jesse wasn’t supposed to have it still, but it’d been useful enough he transferred it from phone to phone. Over the next couple of weeks, Chris’s landlord and acquaintances would receive messages that his sister was sicker than he thought and he’d need to stay in Spain to manage her affairs. His bank account would make purchases to back that up. And with no close friends in the area, he’d quietly disappear unless Jesse needed him again. The program needed a stable connection to work, though, so it could learn from the communications he’d sent as Chris. The connection on the train was nicely anonymous, so it couldn’t be traced back to him.

Twenty minutes out from Malaga, Jesse took his bag into the bathroom. Instead of Chris’s baggy sweatshirt and wind pants, he put on tight jeans and a flannel button-up and pulled out a pair of wire-rimmed glasses. When he came out, he begged a hair tie off of a woman on the train, waggling his prosthetic fingers in explanation (they did get tangled in his hair if he wasn’t careful). When he was done, he looked like a tourist of a different type - a hipster American with a backpack and a guitar. The two days of stubble on his face made most natives peg him for an aging graduate student and give him a wide berth.

Carla, his contact, had left him a note at the Malaga information desk, and he followed her instructions to a worn-down bar that had probably been popular before the Crisis. It was looking a little worse for wear, though, and even before sundown had plenty of quiet, dark corners. Jesse spotted her iron-gray braid at a corner table and sat down, though not before getting a glass of wine at the bar.

“Auntie,” he said in Spanish as he settled in. He was sure Carla had heard his boots and spotted him well before he’d reached her table, but no use not being polite to someone who had your prize possession. “I hope you’ve been taking good care of my girl.”

Carla looked up at him and rolled her eyes. “Don’t I always?” she said in her crisp Iberian accent.

“You do, but the way you left Madrid, I’d almost think you wanted to keep her,” Jesse said, smiling in a way that didn’t hide the watchful glint in his eye.

Carla shook her head, but Jesse noticed she didn’t outright deny it. “Madrid gets so crowded this time of year,” she said. “It’s a little quieter here.”

“La Linea is even more peaceful, I hear,” Jesse said, leaning back as he sipped his wine. “That’s where I want to take her next.”

“Ah, going to take her to see the Rock?” Carla asked. “It’s quite the sight.”

“I am,” Jesse told her. “In fact, you could call it the reason we even came to Spain. There’s a little problem, though.”

“Oh?” Carla asked. “Nothing to spoil your holiday, I hope.”

Jesse put the fingers of his flesh hand to his mouth and then put it back on the table, like a man fighting the urge to bite his nails. “I hope not either. See, I want to cross the border, but I don’t have all her papers - her mother, you know how she is. But I really want her to be able to see the sights. Are the guards there understanding?” Meaning, of course, could they be bribed.

Carla shifted in her chair and leaned in on one elbow. “Most of them are family men and women, not career military the way it was a few years ago,” she said, meaning mob. “They should be able to work something out with you - they understand how it is for men in your position. After all, it’s not like there’s anything really dangerous she could get into these days.”

“That’s true,” Jesse agreed. “And I’ll keep a close eye on her, of course.” Meaning that he’d make sure Peacekeeper didn’t cause any trouble that brought too much attention to their operations.

Carla nodded. “I might just know a young man down there who could help you,” she said. “I’ll send him a message once I see you both get on the bus, and he’ll look out for you both.”

“I appreciate it,” Jesse told her, with an expression of relief. Carla’s reputation would make it a lot easier to get past the border guards while he was carrying. “How much did she cost you? I know how my girl can eat.”

“No, no,” Carla said, waving her hands in a way that was all show. “She was a pleasure. It wasn’t any trouble.”

“I insist,” Jesse said firmly. “Let me pay for the train tickets, at least. You couldn’t have been expecting Madrid to be so busy.”

“Well, that’s true,” Carla said. “But I’d watch your girl for you any time, you know that.”

“I do,” Jesse agreed. “Now, c’mon, tell me how much the tickets were, and I’ll pay you back.”

Carla named a sum with a show of reluctance, and Jesse added it to the already agreed-upon price before transferring it to her account. If she’d had to leave Madrid in such a hurry, it was probably because the law was getting too close for comfort, and Jesse was sure she’d had to bribe her way out. It was just good business to pay her back for that, and he’d been trusting Carla with Peacekeeper for a long time. His burner phone beeped, and after a moment, so did hers. She nodded, satisfied, and pushed away from the table.

“Come, let’s go get your girl,” she said. “I’m sure you missed her. She’s waiting at the bus station.”

Carla had been as good as her word. Even with Peacekeeper sewn into the lining of a laptop bag, Jesse hadn’t had any trouble getting past the border into Gibraltar, and even if she wasn’t at his hip, he felt better holding her steadying weight. He’d transferred all his belongings into a hiking backpack when he’d gotten there, and only as he started up the Rock did he send the signal from the communicator that would tell Athena and Winston he was on his way - and exactly how close he was. There were plenty of hidden protections that he was sure were still active on the base, and he’d need the signal to get in.

It only took a few moments to connect, and Winston’s voice was cautious as he answered. “McCree?”

“In the flesh,” Jesse answered. “Know I didn’t call ahead, but I was hopin’ my invitation still stood.”

[jonghoshoe]

OMG THAT IDEA IS SOOO CUTE. I expect nothing less from you honestly. So here me out: Blueberry Muffin and Hongjoong. I think that it would be really cute- ♟anon

I love u sm chess piece anon 

Blueberry Muffin

Summary: A night out at a bar goes wrong, lucky for you, the blue haired man you not-so-subtly crashed into just so happens to be a good Samaritan.

Word Count: 1k-

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x Netural Reader

Content Warnings: Non-consensual drug use, mild swearing, very mild hospital scenes but don’t worry, admin is scared of needles so absolutely nothing but those being mentioned in passing.

Of course, of course it had to be you.

It’s always you, anything bad that can happen while out, will happen. 

That’s the only thing that can explain the fact that you can’t find your friends, your drink suddenly tastes a lot more salty than before, and you can’t for the life of you pry your eyes open enough to so much as see the bartender, nevermind asking them for help.

In a last ditch effort to not be murdered in a shady alleyway, you throw yourself at the stranger with blue hair, it being the only thing cluing you in on there being a person there amongst the dingy lighting and your eyes that refuse to stay open.

You can vaguely hear him reacting in surprise, before asking basic questions any non-drugged person could definitely answer. You think you can feel him lowering you onto a seat as the last of your consciousness fades.

-

Waking up in a hospital is a pretty disorienting experience, especially when there’s fucking nobody there. You’re waiting for a good hour or so until someone finally comes to check in on you because there is no way you’re moving with this many things attached to you.

Thankfully, your nurse is very sweet and answers all your questions after you ask only one.

‘’Oh you’re alright love! Nothing happened, I’m actually friends with the guy that got you here.’’ He says, checking over a lot of things and then beginning to un-hook you from all those wires you aren’t quite sure the purpose of.

‘’The who? Is that the blue haired guy I threw myself at before passing out?’’

The man laughs, ‘’He described it more as a tumble, but yes. Stayed with you the entire ambulance ride too.’’

He continues pattering around the room, handing you a cup of that really good hospital water as he does so before he tells you you’re free to get dressed and leave.

‘’Now remember to get lots of fluids, maybe rest up a bit and oh- He left a note in your pocket, asked me to tell you to check it when you woke up. Well, that’ll be all, toodles!’’ He says before disappearing from the doorway.

The note is pretty standard as far as ‘Notes from kind strange men with blue hair who possibly saved your life’ go, which admittedly you don’t really receive a lot of. It just has a phone number, as well as a little note of ‘Text me when you wake up please! I want to make sure you’re okay -Hongjoong (blue haired guy)’

Cute, so your saviour has a sense of humour. Though you supposed it’d be weird if he didn’t given his eccentric friend.

-

You’d nearly forgotten about Hongjoong until you got home, his note falling out your pocket as you got changed out of your clothes from last night and into some much, much more comfortable pyjamas. 

Sitting down with your breakfast (though you suppose it’s brunch now) you finally send Hongjoong a message.

Me:

[Hey, I finally woke up. Your friend said you wanted me to text you?]

Hongjoong:

[Ohmygoshyouactuallytextedme. Are you okay? You’re not hurt at all right? I tried to be gentle but some guy was really insistent on getting to you so I’m sososo sorry if I left any bruise from holding you too hard!]

Me:

[No bruises as far as I know of, Is it true you stayed with me the whole ambulance ride?]

Hongjoong:

[I did indeed! I wanted to make sure you were in good hands, and since I already knew someone working there and kinda knew the situation I figured it’d be a smart thing to do]

[Wait that’s not creepy right?]

Me:

[A little, but it seems your heart was in the right place. I just wish I could give a better thank you than a text message.]

Hongjoong: 

[Maybe we can meet up? At a cafe or something, not some club. In fact, I’ve just finished my shift at The Aurora if you’re free?]

Me:

[Good thing I only go out when I have a weekend off then, I’ll get there in about half an hout]

Hongjoong:

[See you then!^-^]

You debate adding to that time by taking a shower, but you don’t feel too bad and the guy’s already seen you in a pretty bad state, so it’s not like your appearance really matters now. 

-

Despite the amount of people with dyed hair in the very small cafe, it’s still easy to spot Hongjoong and his bright blue mop on his head.

‘’Great to finally meet you! The shitty lighting in that club absolutely did not do you justice.’’ He says with a grin as he shakes your hand before sitting back down on one of the sofas.

‘’And it’s nice to finally see your face instead of remembering you as a mop of blurry blue hair.’’ You reply with a chuckle.

‘’Ah, so the blue is a beacon for cute damsels then? I’m glad to have it!’’

You can’t help but to laugh at his statement, ‘’I am not a damsel, thanks for calling me cute though. I just happened to be totally abandoned by my friends and then had my drink drugged! Could totally happen to anyone.’’You huff indignantly, only keeping it up for about a second before breaking out into laughter along with your blue-haired companion.

‘’Well then, those are pretty shitty friends.’’ He says, his tone is jovial, but you can see the concern in his expression.

‘’Yeah, only ones I got though- Unless you count work friends.’’

‘’Well then!’’ Hongjoong starts with a clap of his hands, ‘’Good thing my very awesome friend group is accepting friend applications! And we just so happen to be missing a cute, absolutely not a damsel who has an affinity for blue haired strangers!’’

(Notice my sneaky little nod to The Aurora from my Yunho drabble hehehe, I’m really starting to unintentionally build the au universe huh?)

[photolover82]

The Masked Singer Season 5 Episode 2 Recap: It’s Group B Time, let’s meet them! (Commentary & Guesses)

Hello my fellow Masked Singer fanatics! Welcome (or welcome back) to Ana’s Masked Singer recap, where I, Ana (nice to virtually meet you btw), recap every single episode of The Masked Singer. Here we are again with season 5, but this time another group, Group B, which consist of Black Swan 🖤🦢, Piglet 🐷, Chameleon 🦎, Grandpa Monster 👹 👴, and Phoenix 🦜.

So, let’s begin with the first eliminated contestant of Group B:

The first eliminated contestant was:

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

Phoenix 🦜

Commentary: Ok, so this wasn’t surprising whatsoever, she sang Tik Tok by Kesha and you can obviously tell that she isn’t a singer at all. Like idk how else to explain it to you guys, but I guess she was talk singing... kind of like Wendy/the lips last season... so it was kind of easy the moment she opened her mouth to start singing to recognize immediately who it was...

Having said that, she was revealed to be (as I knew, this one wasn’t hard)...

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

Caitlyn Jenner

Hehe I knew it! Again, like Wendy Williams aka the lips, this was way too obvious. She already walked around Hollywood Blvd with the Don’t Talk to me hoodie on so I knew she was going to be on the show but the min I saw Phoenix, the clues, and the moment she opened her mouth, I was so certain it was Caitlyn. No, I am not a big Kardashian/Jenner fan tbh but I used to watch the show way back when.... like in 2016? I am not sure, but I recognized her voice immediately.

Now onto my guesses for the remaining 4:

1. Black Swan 🦢🖤

Commentary: So she sang Barracuda by Heart and damn, she got a strong voice! It’s a really amazing voice, even though the song choice wasn’t my favorite, because it didn’t suit her voice completely and showcase her range, but she was badass (can I say that? Whatever, this is my show, I’ll say it, it’s not THAT bad of a word) tbh. In certain parts, she was like screaming a lot and I was like um maybe this isn’t her best song choice but her voice is amazing! She gives me Seahorse mixed with Flamingo vibes, I love her!

I think she is singer extraordinaire:

Jojo (not Siwa but we have another Jojo on our hands)

Reasoning/Clues: there are so many clues that match but her voice is the main thing that clicked for me that it was her, but let’s look at those clues so you can get the picture:

Wanted Poster with RV highlighted= she appeared in the movie RV with Robin Williams

She talks about being trapped and someone else’s prey and then getting out of it= she was trapped in her record label & there was controversy surrounding it and she had to sue her label for not releasing her music

A 5 on a watch= she toured with 5th harmony and has released 5 albums

Cluedledoo (Rooster) clue= she covered a monster= she covered one of T-Pain aka the Monster from season 1’s songs

2. Piglet 🐷

Commentary: He was my favorite of the night with his rendition of Speechless by Dan + Shay! You guys know if you have seen my recaps in season 3 (or even last week with Robopine) that I have a soft spot for a guy who has a super silky voice, like either boy band type or R&B smooth af kinda vibe (i.e. Fox in season 2, Turtle in season 3, Robopine in season 5).... or should I say any guy who can falsetto and Piglet is giving me those boy band smooth vibes, I love it so much! His voice is soooo familiar I am so sure about this one by the way.

My guess and I am so sure of this is:

Nick Lachey

Reasoning/Clues: This one I recognized immediately, the voice was really easy to figure out, but these clues also are pretty convincing (oh and he was on Ken’s show, I Can See Your Voice, so it’s not surprising that he would be on this show):

The clue package had a dating show vibe = reminiscent of Love is Blind, the Netflix dating show he hosts with his wife Vanessa

The world saw his heart break= he had a very public relationship with his ex-wife Jessica Simpson and they even had a reality show together called Newlyweds

Cluedle-doo clue: “knows how to stay cool even in the heat”= referring to his past aka his boy band 98 degrees (get it? Because that’s the heat and they are cool because they are a boy band... well played Masked Singer well played... I wanna meet whoever makes these clues because they are great with puns and they seem super clever)

3. Chameleon 🦎

Commentary: Chameleon surprised me I am not gonna lie. I thought he was going to be another athlete like Whatchamacallit last season or White Tiger from season 3 because he was so tall but nope he surprised me with his rendition of Ride with Me by Nelly. He seems like a legit rapper and I liked him a lot than I thought I would honestly so this guess isn’t totally out of left field.

My guess is that this is...

Wiz Khalifa

Reasoning/Clues: so yeah, the voice and the height kinda gave it away to me (Wiz is 6 foot 4 inches and his body type matches the chameleon), but also yeah clues I have to give you guys some logic bombs instead of being like eh that voice and height BOOM WIZ KHALIFA... yeah no it doesn’t work like that, so here are the logic bombs hehe:

Dice with 2 and 3 on it= he did a song with Miley Cyrus called 23

007 clue= he has a song called (yes this is real, look it up) James Bong (omg I am trying not to laugh while typing this but whatttt?! Google really is a gem omg 😳😂) and he played James Bond in the music video

His love of technology & “put tech in technicolor”= apparently, the guy is a huge tech geek and has said it in a lot of interviews (wow humans are so complex and cool, I would have never thought that this man is a tech savvy guy... but the more you know I guess <P.S. I Googled half of these things... like idk this off the top of my head duh, I usually go by voice with my guesses and then I google the clues>)

4. Grandpa Monster

Commentary: He sang Mambo No. 5 and yeah it’s a basic choice for a song, but I liked it. He is not my favorite by any means and now that I listen to it again, I can only hear this person and I am not a fan of him like whatsoever (even tho I gotta acknowledge he has changed and I have *I KNOW... I HATE ME TOO* agreed with stuff he has said in his podcast un ironically.... yeah I am so sorry, I hate myself for saying this too... anyways let’s just get to the person I mean

I have a sneaking suspicion that it is (unfortunately):

Logan Paul

Reasoning/Clues: Yup, um... I really hope I am wrong but honestly ever since someone said it in the YouTube comments section of his performance, I can’t un hear it and I am shook honestly (at least it’s not his brother... I mean we can get worse, and he has respected the pandemic and not been a prick like his *cough* brother *cough*... just saying.. oh and if you don’t know what I am talking about or who this is, he’s a YouTuber who got into some um controversy because he filmed a dead body in 2018 so there’s that... oh and his brother has done a billion worse things than him, but you can Google that one if you are interested in finding out more because it’s too much for me to talk about and we are not even talking about Jake (that’s the brother))... Anyways, sorry, I ramble, but ugh the clues seem convincing and it irks me that it is because I am not a fan of neither of these guys and I don’t want them in the show but whatever I guess he’s the lesser of 2 evils:

He was a troublemaking fool as a youngster= yeah probably regarding that suicide forest video a couple of years ago (that ok, lemme give him credit, he has apologized for it and has kind of proven himself... yuck I hate saying that, I am NOT defending him I swear)

Acting out for all eyes on me= he used to be very well known for pranks on his channel back in the day (before the incident) and he did some stupid stuff for clout lemme tell ya (I never liked these guys, like ever, I thought they were weird.... not my demographic I guess, I wasn’t 12 nor a boy)

6 in Xs and Os like football plays = he did play football 🏈 in high school, he was so good that and actually attributes playing football for long term brain damage he has that makes him as the Wikipedia article says it (I am legit gonna quote what it says because I thought it was fascinating) “affects his ability to have empathy and a human connection with others.” (Mind you, he himself claimed this according to this article)

“Acting out”= he has acted in a few things before and starred in The Thinning

Web with the shooting star= he is a web star, get it? YouTube... web star... hehe again these clue writers are *chef’s kiss*

Cluedle-doo clue: he has trained for battle= now his new thing is boxing and he has trained for actual fights before, his first one being against British YouTuber KSI which he lost... oh and I almost forgot, how can I forget this cute little detail.... he is set to fight Floyd Mayweather this summer apparently... OH AND DID I MENTION HE IS MAKING 5 MILLION DOLLARS FROM THIS DEAL?! He’s winning either way with this fight like damn... but that wasn’t part of it, I just thought it was trippy... again I say, Google is a gem, u find some interesting reads

Ok so that’s it (what a great note to end on lol)! I hope you guys enjoy! Sorry for it being so long and taking so much time to do.. it’s been a crazy last couple of days! I will try to get the next one this upcoming weekend so I’ll see you guys then. (Ohhh btw I now live tweet the show on my Twitter- @photolover82 so if you want to follow me on there and live tweet with me, that can be fun!) Bye guys and don’t forget to like, comment, and do all the social media-y things, you know the drill!

[alfredolover119]

👀 okay but 23 & drarry maybe? If drarry doesn't Vibe then u can pick another ship that is Okay

this is from MONTHS ago like ,, april but i wanted it out of my docs so

#23 -  “You’re not sober.” “Please, I haven’t been sober since sophomore year in high school. This is just the first time you’ve seen me drunk.”

drarry - 1248 words - alcohol tw, death tw, angst, muggle college au

Harry Potter deserved a break. He wasn’t even asking for much, just one night of sleep. Practice had been excruciating that day. The downpour was torrential, but Wood insisted they could still practice. It lasted for three hours before he had finally agreed to practice on another day.

So now Harry was trying to sleep. Ron wasn’t back yet, probably over at ‘Mione’s place. It was nice, not hearing his stupidly loud snoring. It should have been easy to just fall asleep, but the cold rain from earlier had seeped into his bones. On top of that, his bed was right next to the window. The stupid streetlight was in his eyes, and the window itself did nothing to keep the frosty weather outside from entering. It was there he lay, tossing and turning, when he saw him.

Draco Malfoy was sitting in the courtyard, pale hair disheveled in a very un-Malfoylike way. His face was turned away from the building, but Harry would recognize the git from any angle. Harry stared for a moment before making some internal decision. He grumbled as he rolled out of bed into his slippers and robe. He threw on an overcoat before dashing out the door. 

He tried to keep his gait steady and quiet, but excitement and fear and something made it difficult. Malfoy was, obviously, up to something. Harry knew he should be careful; this was probably a trap. Scratch "probably," this was definitely a trap. Malfoy sitting out in the freezing rain looking pitiful and sad? It was crazy how obvious he was being.

He stopped in the corner of the courtyard. The drizzle was slowing now, but the temperature seemed to be dropping still. The grand scheme of this plot was probably just to get Harry sick so he couldn't play in the next match. Malfoy was set to be Harry's replacement, after all. An understudy of sorts. The only thing that didn't add up was that Malfoy would also get sick, sitting out here. 

Harry just stood there for a bit, watching Malfoy, who remained unmoving. He had a side view of him now, but he was still too far away to see his face clearly. He'd forgotten his glasses, and he was ridiculously near-sighted. 

He didn't need glasses to hear, though. Malfoy suddenly called out, “Are you even trying to hide?” 

Harry jumped a bit, and Malfoy snickered. It all would have been normal, but Malfoy’s voice was rough and cracked. Harry continued walking forward. He expected the git to yell at him or make fun of his slippers, but he remained relatively silent.

Harry stopped about five feet away. Malfoy was whispering to himself under his breath, interrupted by a hiccup every few seconds. He was crying. Draco Malfoy was crying. 

That was the moment Harry knew coming out here was a mistake. Sure, Malfoy might be awful and evil and such, but any compassionate person would understand that Malfoy was, obviously, upset. That meant whatever Harry did, he needed to tread lightly. Not necessarily because he cared about Malfoy’s feelings, but he didn’t want to be a dick. He debates on just going back inside and letting Malfoy continue his quest to contract pneumonia, but then there’s eye contact and Harry knows he’s utterly, thoroughly fucked.

He let himself absorb the other boy. Boy, because that’s what he is. They’re both only nineteen, after all. It’s accentuated now, though. Malfoy’s white button-down is soaked and stuck to his body. He isn’t wearing a coat, and his feet are basically in a puddle. To get poetic, he looks like he’s drowning in his own misery. Harry would be shivering if he were in Malfoy’s situation, but he’s almost entirely still, save for the soft drumming of his foot against the wet concrete.

“Have a seat, Potty.”

Harry sighed before taking a cautious step forward to sit next to Malfoy. There was still about a foot between them on the stone bench, but it took a lot out of Harry to not sit closer. Malfoy just looked so… cold. 

“Are you okay, Malfoy?” Harry broke the almost-silence. 

Malfoy released a bitter laugh. “I don’t know, Potty, if your father had just died in prison, would you be okay?” Harry’s eyes widened, probably comically. He opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out, and Malfoy continued.

“Would you be okay if you never returned a single one of his letters or calls, and you hadn’t talked to him or seen him in years,” Malfoy stood up, “and you burned every letter he ever sent you and you thought there would be time for it later, but then he dies in a fucking escape attempt?” He took a step towards Harry. “Would you be okay?” Closer. “Do I look okay?”

Harry had no idea what to do. He was trying to figure out what to say, trying to figure out what was happening. This wasn’t Malfoy. Was it? The last minute had contradicted everything Harry thought he knew about Malfoy. Malfoy didn’t have emotions. He didn’t cry. He didn’t vent to Harry. Hell, he didn’t even talk to Harry.

“Oh, wait…” Malfoy swayed on his feet, grasping onto Harry's shoulder for balance. “You wouldn’t know anything about the- the connection one has with his parents…”

It clicks.

“You’re not sober.” Harry stands, pushing Malfoy back onto the bench. Malfoy’s grip on Harry’s shoulder slides down to his wrist. Harry tries to look him in the eye, but he’s keeping his eyes closed.

“Please,” Malfoy says, head tilted, “I haven't been sober since sophomore year in high school. This is just the first time you've seen me drunk."

Harry kneels down in front of Malfoy. “Is that when your dad… y’know.”

Malfoy peeked one eye open appraisingly before lifting his feet onto the bench, fully laying down. “Sure. Y’know.”

Harry almost regretted his decision to not leave earlier.

“Malfoy, you can’t stay out here all night. It’s fucking November. And it’s raining.” He stood up, grabbing the hand Malfoy still had on his arm and pulling. He expected more of a fight, but Malfoy complied almost instantly.

Harry wasn’t exactly sure of what he was to do now. Malfoy lived off campus, and Harry didn’t have a car. He only had one idea, and it relied on Ron staying gone all night. 

He began ushering Malfoy towards the dorms. His stride was surprisingly steady for a drunk. 

Malfoy yanked his arm out of Harry’s grasp after a moment. “I can walk on my own, you know.” Harry just hummed in response.

Once they reached the room, Malfoy apparently realized where they were. “This was your plan all along. Let me spill my heart out to you, then you bring me back to your room. Is this your idea of a date, Harry?”

Harry laughed, and it scared him a bit. Laughing at one of Malfoy’s jokes. It seemed almost... friendly. “I’ll get you some dry clothes.” 

He retrieved some sweatpants and a t-shirt from his dresser, but when he turned back, Malfoy had collapsed onto his bed. Harry threw a blanket over him before turning off the light and laying down in Ron’s bed.

It was strange, listening to Malfoy’s breathing. He was quiet, almost silent. He knew the next morning might be weird, so the calm now was appreciated. His last thought before drifting into unconsciousness was that Malfoy had called him “Harry” instead of “Potter.”

x

[lightninginabottle0613]

some post-ttlr reflections 🚌💛

typing this from beyond the grave, as you all have killed me/are continuing to kill me with your sweet comments on this epilogue. what are you all doing, why are you all perfect angels. why was my “””epilogue””” the longest goddamn chapter of this story. i have so many questions and not a single answer.

if you are at all interested in some deeply personal ramblings and feelings (tw: depression and mental health and all of that), those are below the cut. i was honestly just looking for a place to dump them all, so i could properly process this whole experience that completely turned my life upside down in a matter of months. but if i learned anything from writing this story, it’s that maybe some people can relate to what i’m feeling! so they’re there - if that’s something that floats your boat.

if not (and you will not offend me, seriously, it’s long lol), then please please please just know one thing - i love every single person who read this story. i can’t believe it’s over and i’m going to miss the fuck out of it, but i’m so happy that i could write something worthy of consumption for a fandom/pairing that is so close to my heart. i sort of felt the whole time like i wished i had waited until it was finished to start posting, instead of updating after i was done each chapter, but looking back - i’m so glad i didn’t. this story was so heavy in so many ways, and every comment and private message made me want to keep writing. so much about this felt like a shared experience and a collaborative effort, even as the author, so i just want to say thank you to anyone who showed it even the slightest amount of attention. i can’t wait to keep writing both for and among such incredible people.

(also, i would be remiss if i didn’t say a special thank u/i love u to @yanak324 and @harrenhollaback. for the emotional support and for gifting me with friendships i never expected when i joined this community. i owe you both more than i can say.)

ok hey! i’ll get right to it - 2019 was the worst year of my life, and i very nearly didn’t survive it.

i’ve struggled with depression for about ten years, to varying degrees. it runs deep in my family, in pretty much every person on my mother’s side, and i didn’t learn that until about four years into my own mental health journey. my entire life, a lot was expected of me - not a super uncommon thing for an eldest child, i think. but as a result of a lot of repression from other people in my family of their own mental illnesses, i was confused by a lot of the heaviness i was feeling, and i thought i needed to handle it the same way, because that was the only example i had.

a lot of my progress was stunted after that, but i did start trying to make some changes when i turned 18. even so, i was doing a lot of the work on my own and in silence, and i still made a lot of decisions based on what i thought i should do, instead of giving myself the space and time to figure out what i actually wanted to do. i think my main focus for so long was just on not feeling sad anymore - because i was still so in the dark about the complexities of depression, and i had no idea how much work it actually takes to undo a lifetime of destructive behaviors and negative thought patterns.

my life was pretty nonstop from 18-24. for six years i dealt with one crisis after another. i was forced to react to all of them in real time, but i wasn’t able to thoroughly process any of them, and it wasn’t until may of 2019 that i realized just how brutal and damaging that pace was. that month was the first time that my life was even remotely calm for the first time in six years, and once my mind had a second to breathe, i realized just how numb it was.

i really, really did not want to be here anymore. i was so far down in the pit (something i’ve been calling it for about five years), that i could barely breathe. i can remember one specific saturday that month where i sat on the floor of my apartment for three hours in silence and didn’t eat a single thing until 6:00 that night. even now as i type this, i’m curbing the urge to call myself dramatic (ha), but i don’t know how else to describe it - other than saying that i quite literally could not function.

as suuuuper dumb and cheesy as this probably sounds, this was all concurrent with the last season of game of thrones and my subsequent discovery of the character of arya (i hadn’t consumed any asoiaf content prior to last year). i was so fascinated by her - i know so many arguments can be made that show!arya was not really her by the end of it, but trust and believe that i have read everything about book!arya that i can get my hands on. i had never seen so much of myself in a character before - both book and show - and i found such a comfort in watching her navigate childhood and deal with trauma and learn how to be vulnerable.

i couldn’t tell you the first fic i found or even how i stumbled across ao3 to begin with. but i can tell you that - not unlike probably anyone reading this, lol - i think i tore through like five stories a day for the entire summer. you know that post that’s like ‘all i did this summer was read fanfiction and cry’ ? hello. LITrully all i did. reading so many different authors’ takes on a character that i connected with so deeply and how she leaned into love/grew from pain/strengthened her convictions was a catharsis i’d never experienced before.

i had a massive upheaval in my personal life toward the end of august that resulted in my living out of a hotel room for five days, and one of those days i blinked and had 6K words of a gendrya fic written. it contained zero of the angst and pain i was feeling, and i still have no idea which deep recess of my brain it came from. it was light and silly, and i had no intention to continue beyond that, honestly. and then the literal first comment i ever got was from someone that said ‘please don’t let this be a one-shot,’ and i suddenly realized i was doing something so harmful (something that’s been a habit of mine for so, so long, but one that fic-writing has forced me to break) - i had found something that i genuinely enjoyed, but i was talking myself out of pursuing it, because my own insecurities were telling me it wouldn’t be worth it.

ttlr was supposed to be similarly light. i’d seen a post on a really long prompt list that was written by someone whose parents actually met in the same way that gendry and arya meet in the story, and i thought it was hilarious and serendipitous and perfect for their canon storyline, which is very much a pseudo-road trip in a way. i wanted arya to have struggles with depression and self-worth, because that’s true to my interpretation of her character, and i knew i wanted to sort of explore her conflicts with catelyn as a bit of a side plot, but nothing could have prepared me for how heavy the story became. the basic gendrya plot remained the same, but the rest of the story strayed so far from the outline i planned out, in the best way.

i really hate to call it self-insertion, because i think that sort of cheapens the messages i started to try to send with each chapter, but almost every non-gendrya detail in the story is something that’s happened to me. 99% of arya’s conversation with catelyn in chapter 10 came from verbatim text messages between my mom and me, that i had to scroll back to in order to reference. i struggled so much with how to characterize ned, because i think he’s sort of difficult to get right since a lot of his canon characterization is learned through memories that other people have of him, but in this story, he is my dad. all of arya’s introspections and bad habits are mine, her conversations with her therapist are mine (adapted accordingly), and her attitude toward romantic love is mine. i do my best to keep a journal, but writing this story all but replaced that for me, for months.

so EVEN AS i slowly started to adjust to what this story was turning into for me personally, absolutely nothing could have prepared me for how it resonated with other people. depression is like a tailored suit. on the outside, it looks like any other suit for any other person, and it has a lot of the same surface-level features. but beyond that, it preys on your specific insecurities and traumas, and no one person’s experience is exactly the same as someone else’s - obviously, because no two people are exactly the same. so when i started getting comments and messages from people saying they felt seen and understood, and that my depiction of mental illness was like a punch in the gut/made them cry/was so true that it was at times hard to read, i knew that there was a reason that my brain wanted me to write this story, beyond my need for my own healing.

one of the best comments i got was from someone who said that in the future, if they ever met someone who said they didn’t understand depression, they were going to show them ttlr. i cried for like half an hour after i read that (like the choking, sobbing kind), because all i ever want to do is educate myself and other people on this really hard stuff, and make people feel like they have the right tools to be empathetic. i know that the story ended on a hopeful note - because there is always hope but it’s also a fiction story (and i would never write an un-hopeful ending for gendrya…miss me with that) - but i also really hoped to convey the idea that she still has work to do.

because i am so far from done, myself. i’m still living in the city i moved to when i thought that all i needed was physical space from my problems, and i’m finally (sort of) at a place where i can take the time i need to figure out where i’m meant to be next. i’m in my last semester of grad school, studying something that i recently learned i hate, because i picked it thinking it was the logical decision, and now it would be stupid to drop out. and i really did have that text conversation with my mother, but that was about nine months ago, and i currently haven’t spoken to her since new year’s day.

i’m also in therapy, and i’m slowly starting to reach back out to some of the people i love, who i’ve shut myself off from for the past eight months. i’m at a job that i kind of hate in a lot of ways, but it also allows me to have one-on-one time with people and help them develop, and that’s super fulfilling. and i have a real hobby now that i previously hadn’t done since before i was a teenager. that’s thanks in large part to arya, but it really comes down to this community of people.

i am fully aware that i’m on the younger side of the people in this fandom, and the last thing i want to do is come off as preachy. but while i have big plans to continue writing for these characters and treating them with the care they deserve, i also do really want to continue to be someone that can make people feel a little bit less alone (through the stories i tell, and beyond that). the entire journey of this story for me was a lesson in how to say what i feel in an unapologetic way, treat even the darkest and saddest parts of myself with the same amount of love that i do the happy parts, and hopefully create a space where people feel like they can do the same thing.

i read something once that said that a member of a family who actively chooses their own healing will go through a period where they become the enemy, because they’ve disrupted the family system. i don’t know that this is true all the time, but i think it’s a really eye-opening way to think about a lot of situations where people find themselves isolated even more for prioritizing their own recovery. it was certainly the case for me, anyway. again, i know that i’m young and i have a lot of life left to live, but (at the risk of sounding ….. dramatic) i have that life to live because i’m making that prioritization. if ttlr, and any other story i write, can serve as the reminder for at least one person that healing is a choice we make and a long road to travel - and based on the comments i’ve gotten, it sounds like it has - then there’s nothing more that i could ask for.

this story is my entire heart and soul. i worried every step of the way about whether i was doing justice to the characters, but i mostly just loved having an outlet for such tough stuff. i’m excited to write more, but i don’t know that anything will ever mean as much to me as this has. so thank you to every person that gave it the time of day (or night lol). writing it genuinely changed my life.

(also as an additional resource, i’m sharing this podcast interview with none other than the hero of winterfell herself. i watched this when it first came out, and i’ve watched it probably 50 times since. if you’ve made it this far in this post - first of all, omg. but also if anything i said struck a chord and you haven’t seen this, it’s a must-watch. she hits the nail on the head perfectly, and she puts so much into words that i was never able to before.)

my messages are always open. i am always free to talk about anything and everything mental health. if you’re struggling, just know that i’m with you and i love you. 💛

[oddcoupler222]

Akskdkdk I’m not crying I just got some tww feelings in my eyes and to the rest of tww fans you’re welcome (I’m the biggest one of them all) let it be multi chapter 🤲🏻

did i take one person asking for something and turn it into a spinoff semi romance novel? i… may have.

Eliza -

Colleen -

(for funsies)

 Fall 2018

Eliza wouldn’t say she loved her work study job in the registrar’s office. But she had friends with various other jobs throughout campus, and she knew because of their tales that her job wasn’t the worst.

Would she love to trade with her new friend, Sara, and have the job in the printing lab in the library, where she would just have to un-jam the printer and restock it with paper, then sit on her laptop? Of course. But she was also nosy as fuck and she got a lot of insider info from her supervisor here. Plus, she got all of the registration codes early. So who was the real winner?

Still Sara.

“Hello? Hi. I’m sorry, are you busy? I’m - I’m not trying to be obnoxious, but I really really have to get into a class, and I have nowhere else to go to ask. I’ve tried the professor, I’ve tried her TA. I’ve asked all of the upperclassmen I know. And this is the final stop before I may very well have a breakdown.”

A frantic, pleading voice interrupted her IG scrolling. It was technically one of her two fifteen minute breaks that she got during her five hour shift. She intended to tell the interloper that she would have to wait until the other side of the office didn’t have a line, because where her desk was, was technically closed.

But Eliza had never seen an angel in real life before. And she was such a simple, simple lesbian.

Never in her life had she ever been struck like this, though. The tousled blonde hair that she could see was usually nice and orderly. The clothes that screamed an upper-middle class (at the very least) background, though trendy.

Blue eyes crystal clear but starting to brim with tears.

“I’m not busy. What can I do for you?”

“Thank the gods! In order to graduate on time with my major and both of my minors, I need to double up on some courses. Which means I have to take some courses before I’m technically supposed to. So, I got permission to take Ethnicity and Identity with Dr. Oakhart next semester, even though it’s a semester early. Because I need to take Cultures of Essos the semester after, and it’s a prereq. But it took forever to get permission to take Oakhart’s class early; I had to basically camp out in her office,” a little laugh fluttered out, anxiously. “And now? She gave me permission but told me she wouldn’t let me jump the waitlist. I just. I really need to get into that class. Can you even just tell me how long the waitlist is, maybe? Please?”

Someone was wound extremely tightly. It wasn’t usually something Eliza, as a laidback person, enjoyed. But she was already charmed.

“Let me check.”

She typed in her credentials into the system as she surreptitiously glanced up at the girl. Her cheeks were flushed and seven hells. She was cute.

“You really camped out in her office?”

“Huh?” A fleeting smile flashed over her face, and it warmed everything inside of her. “Oh. Well, I know it sounds crazy in retrospect. I can just sometimes get very focused.”

“I gotcha.” Eliza did not, in fact, relate. But her pretending to put this girl at ease.

She pulled up Oakhart’s Gender and Identity class for the spring – and yikes, there was a waitlist a mile long.

“That’s not a good face.”

“Ouch.” She kidded.

“Gods! No, your face isn’t -”

She stopped her before she could ramble anymore. Especially because she wasn’t sure she could handle some sort of mangled compliment from this gorgeous creature without stumbling over herself. “It’s cool. Uh, yeah, no the waitlist isn’t bad.” She lied through her teeth.

“It’s not?” The could-be model’s voice was as incredulous as it should be, as she tried to lean over the counter to see the computer. Like she had to see to believe.

And Eliza quickly turned the computer more toward herself, “Uh, you can’t - against policy-” once again, the lies.

“Sorry. That was probably crossing a line.” She blew out a deep breath and her shoulders deflated. “I guess, can you just put me on the bottom of the list?”

“Yeah,” she lied, fully intending on breaking the rules, as she clicked the top of the waitlist to flag her into the class. “I just need… your name.”

She very much wanted to learn her name.

“Colleen Durand. D-U-R-A-N-D,” she spelled it, and Eliza could very easily see that she’d spelled her name or heard it spelled just so in order to get places in life many times.

She typed her name into the first place on the wait list. “I imagine you will probably hear about this class sometime soon. Don’t fill this block on your class schedule.”

An all too brief, but brightly blazing smile stole her breath. “Thanks so much.” Colleen checked her wrist, a nice looking silver watch glinting in the light coming in from the window. “Gods, I have to go. All right. Thanks again.”

“You’re welcome!” She called after her.

Colleen Durand. She loved the registrar’s office.

Spring 2019

Approaches to Comparative Literature… was a joke.

Colleen rarely thought of classes like that, because all she had in her head was her mother’s voice, saying, “If I’m paying for you to go to a public institution“ - even though it wasn’t in the top 5 universities in the nation (god forbid she go to a public university, even if it was ranked as one of the top ten colleges in the country) - “You’d better be bringing back nothing short of straight A’s.”

She was a junior in college, was on track to graduate at the top of her class even with having two minors - she took 6 classes a semester, not counting the summer and winter semester courses she took. And she took all of them seriously - took color coded notes by hand, sat in the front of the class.

But this course… she just couldn’t. She tried for the first two weeks, learned that the professor left much of his job up to the TA, and then said TA had hit on her in an extremely slimy way and she - well, after that she started slipping into the back row. Just this one class wouldn’t hurt.

She was the only one in her row and sitting in the back gave her a whole new perspective.

It especially gave her a perspective on the girl she’d only known as Nice Girl at the registrar office who doesn’t think I’m crazy before now, and now she knew her name - Eliza.

Eliza, she’d learned from sitting in the front, types vigorously during every class on her laptop and occasionally makes very funny commentary.

It was only in switching her seat to sit behind Eliza that she realized she isn’t taking notes on her laptop, but was instead just being very active on various social medias. Mostly twitter.

@elizathesapphicSCREAMING my TA just announced that some of our earliest lgbt writers were great friends and roommates. i could teach this course better lmao

She wasn’t wrong.

@elizathesapphica limerick -there once was a TA from hellwhose hair is rock solid from gelhis voice is nasally and gratinghis ignorance is so fucking frustratinglet’s not forget he’s smarmy as well

Colleen had genuinely had to smother a laugh from that one. And, it turned out, from many others. The semester passed in a blur of moments - her twentieth birthday, an intense and stressful visit from her mom, juggling 6 courses and her first practicum - but Eliza stands out.

They don’t talk, because… well, what would they even talk about? They seem like really different people and Eliza is super lively, but she learns a lot about her.

If it wasn’t obvious from her twitter handle (obviously), she’s a lesbian. Who very much loves Margaery Tyrell - someone Colleen vaguely knows is a recently out politician - and Sansa Stark - who Colleen is very familiar with, because of the writings she’d done and the classes she’d taken that Sansa had TA’d for before she’d finished her master’s - and their very public relationship.

As well as many, many other lesbian celebrities and television shows that Colleen does not watch or follow, but is still entertained by because Eliza is entertaining.

At the end of the semester, she follows Eliza’s twitter on the account she never uses that is basically untraceable to her. It has her name on it, sure, but nothing else. No pictures. No retweets.

But Eliza’s twitter is good for a laugh and sometimes she needs that.

Fall 2019

“Ohhhh my godddd, Sara. Can you believe it’s her?” Eliza wrapped her arm around her best friend’s shoulders, pulling her close - as if they could shrink back against the wall behind them.

They were going home the following day for winter break and so it seemed like everyone who had an off campus apartment was throwing a party. Which was great because Eliza hadn’t gone out this semester much at all. There had been too much work and too much - uhhh well, being lazy and not wanting to leave her dorm when she could binge watch shows with Sara.

Sara elbowed her in the side accidentally as they fell back against the wall. “It’s who?”

She pointed across the large living area full of tipsy-to-drunk college students, to the front door. “Colleen! She - I don’t think she ever comes out? Why do you think she is right now?”

Sara’s eyes rolled before she jostled their shoulders. “Oh you mean your cruuuush. I don’t know, it’s the end of the semester. Everyone’s out. It’s not a big deal.”

Eliza ignored her and stared at Colleen as she and a friend Eliza recognized didn’t know the name of - she was a master social media creep but that didn’t help when someone didn’t have social medias - chatted and made their way across the room.

And her heart started racing. “Oh my gods. Oh. She’s coming over here. Do you think she -”

“We’re right next to the drinks, why do you think she’s coming over?” Sara’s retort quickly popped her rapidly inflating hopes, and she trained a critical eye on Colleen-Gorgeous-Durand. “That is dream crush girl?”

Eliza spun so quickly to face Sara that she nearly sloshed her vodka cranberry over the rim of her cup. “How can you say it like - like that? Look at her!”

“I mean. She is pretty. In a buttoned up way.” Sara turned to face her, having to tilt her head up just enough to quirk an eyebrow. “Is that your type? You haven’t dated much in our eight month friendship tenure.”

Eliza scoffed. “No! No. I don’t have a… type.” She started slapping Sara’s arm, “Ohhhh gods, she’s coming, she’s coming, she’s -”

Sara caught her hand and held it tight, hissing, “Calm down, you look insane.”

Colleen approached them with a nervous looking smile. “Hey. Can I ask where you got your drink?” She surveyed the table in front of her, dubiously, “I just don’t really see the mixer I want -”

It was like an automatic reaction. Eliza’s hand shot out and offered her cup, “Take it! Still full. Just made it. Made tons of them. See?” She held it up so the rim reflected the dim light. “I didn’t take a sip yet or anything. I can go make another cup.”

Those sky blue eyes were so brilliantly light and she gave the slightest twitch of an eyebrow as she accepted Eliza’s drink. “Um… thanks?”

“Yeah. No prob. Enjoy.” She grinned, knowing it was too bright for the moment, but whatever.

She felt triumphant, even when Sara collapsed against her in a fit of giggles as Colleen walked away. “Holy shit. I see now why you haven’t dated.”

“Um, what is that supposed to mean? She sought me out.” Now that she replayed the interaction, though, she could… sort of… see where she’d gone wrong.

Oh, fuck.

Sara only laughed harder, letting Eliza’s hand go and wrapping it around her waist in a hug. “Listen.” She tried to calm her laughter. “Listen. What I just witnessed means one of two things: your crush is an absolute idiot who took a drink from you, a weird ass stranger at a party. Or she actually somewhat recognizes you, too, and doesn’t think you’re a creepy stranger.”

“Oh, fuck. Now I need to find more cranberry juice.”

Spring 2020

“Who’s that girl over there? She keeps looking at us.” Colleen’s friend and flatmate, Natalia, commented. They were in the dining hall, which is a rarity since they hadn’t lived on campus since they were freshmen.

“What girl?”

“Pretty, dark hair, dark eyes. She has like 4 piercings up her ear. She has a rainbow pin on her backpack. Seems gay.”

Pretty with dark hair and eyes, the earrings, and the dead giveaway rainbow pin already tells her it’s most likely Eliza Harlow, even before she turns and looks. Colleen rolls her eyes. “How does she seem gay? Besides the rainbow pin,” she adds on, even though she knows - of course Eliza Harlow is gay.

Her still very active twitter is still hilarious and very, very full of lesbian pop culture. It’s gotten almost kind of frustrating, the fact that Eliza never really posts anything about herself on her twitter. Colleen definitely knows she is a lesbian more than anything - she posted something just last night about a pro soccer player and proclaimed that her lesbian heart wasn’t going to survive her coming out.

But she never posts anything about her own life. It’s not like Colleen cares? But she can’t help but be intrigued. It’s weird. But maybe that’s just the culture they live in these days.

She still turns and looks where Natalia is pointing, anyway. Sure enough, Eliza is sitting - backpack perched on the table next to her bagel, rainbow pin on display - with her ever present friend whose name Colleen knows is Sara (thanks, twitter). Pretty with her dark hair curling, as usual, over her shoulders.

And, Natalia was right. She’s throwing looks over at them.

Eliza had spoken to her for the first time, without having to do so for a class project, last week. She’d tossed her backpack over her shoulder super casually - Colleen had noticed out of the corner of her eye, as she’d packed up her own bag - and approached her.

“Can I borrow your notes?”

Colleen was always loathe to part with her notes. She took pride in them - even color coded them - and she doubted that strangers would take as much care with them as they deserved.

But Eliza… well, she didn’t really know her. But she didn’t feel like a stranger either. Especially with her eyes looking all hopeful and nervous. She wondered if Eliza had fallen behind in class with all of the work she was doing on her social medias. Or on her work for the internship she had at the Red Keep (thanks, twitter).

She’d handed over her notebook with a smile that was genuine.

“Whatever. The rainbow pin is why she seems gay, fine. But she’s coming over here.” Natalia brings her back to the moment, making a face at the meatloaf she’s eating before she pushes the tray away. 

Colleen sat up straighter, dropping her own fork. “That’s Eliza. We’re in Valyrian Lit class together.”

Eliza walked even closer, looking… apprehensive. Her big, expressive eyes were downcast, as she worried at her generous bottom lip. Which was weird because no, she didn’t know Eliza personally. But she kind of did know her personality. And she was not apprehensive.

It took a moment for Colleen to notice the notebook in her hands. And that it wasn’t the same green one - always green notebooks for lit classes - she’d given Eliza three days ago.

“Hey! Colleen! Hey. Uhhh. I have… your notebook.” Eliza held out the notebook toward her, shifting back and forth on her feet. “Your notes were - great. Such a help.”

“No problem, but…” Colleen eyed the notebook - a mint green as opposed to her hunter green. “That’s not mine.”

“No, it is! I - it is.” Eliza cleared her throat and slid it down onto the table. “It’s definitely yours, now. Um. The thing is. My obnoxious roommate  - I didn’t choose her? I was supposed to live with my friend, but then housing got all messed up and. It’s a whole thing,” she waved her hand, and Colleen, despite being so anal about what the fuck happened to her notebook, couldn’t help but be entertained. “The point is, she spilled her coffee all over your notebook.”

“What?!” All the gods, her notes. All her time and color coordination. And that had all of her handouts and - fuck. Dr. Lannister was not an easy professor to pass, his exams were notoriously difficult -

“Ohhhh, shit,” Natalia whispered.

Eliza quickly flipped the notebook open, frantically pointing at the pages. “No! Wait. I, I dried out your notebook and spent all last night re-writing your notes. I tried finding a matching notebook, but this was the only green one they had at the store. And I bought colored pens, because I figured out the color system, too. It’s all there. I swear. And I made copies of all of the handouts and put them in the back. Thanks. For the notes. I’ll never ask again, I swear.”

She hitched her backpack over her shoulder without another word and spun on her heel.

Colleen leaned over the table to peek at her notes and… wow. Eliza really did figure out her color coding system, even down to the obsessive tonal color changes for different types of literature. And. She skimmed her eyes quickly over the page - Eliza definitely left some insightful notes in here that Colleen herself had missed.

She turned her head to see if she could even call out her thanks to Eliza, but she was too far away. All she could see was the other girl slapping her palm against her forehead as she turned to leave the hall.

It made her smile.

Fall 2020

Professor Stark tapped her hands on her desk, “And as much as I know group projects aren’t everyone’s favorite thing, the sad reality is that we have to work with people in real life that we don’t get to choose. So, you will all individually document what you do in this project and then evaluate each other’s contributions at the end. You have your groups, the rubrik, and some examples to start with. Even though the project isn’t due for over a month, I would highly recommend starting it early.”

Eliza wouldn’t say she loved group work by any means, especially when the groups were assigned.

Colleen caught her eye and asked, “You want to come to my place this weekend to get started? I really don’t like to wait until the last minute for these kinds of things.”

Eliza was pretty sure she was going to write Sansa Stark a thank you letter.