#and then we see him try and backtrack by lashing out but he’s so clearly angry at himself

[allisonjamaica]

losing my mind at how earnest liam is in so many of his interactions with theo in 6b especially. like he is genuinely so non-confrontational at times?? and yeah obviously half those times (pressure test bathroom talk, the fake fight in triggers) theo ends up antagonizing him into anger, but the fact that he goes into so many of these interactions so earnestly has me (and theo probs) kicking my feet and giggling

[rosedark88]

My Opinion On Why Sam gets more hate & his mistakes gets highlighted more than Dean..

The quick answer is that the audience react based on the characters reactions, and the Show is told from Dean’s POV.

The long answer: During 15 seasons, How many times did Sam actually say hurtful things to Dean? Aside from season 9 i cant think of any. Even when Dean has done questionable things like killing Amy and lying about- all Sam did is ask for space, and even when he was pushed for a confrontation by Dean.. all he said was u lied to me.

Sam is always very careful using his words around his big brother, he almost never lashes out at him, if he did it means things have gone dark. Sam never ever reminds Dean of his past mistakes—and i hope no one says that Dean never made mistakes—Even when Dean says hurtful things to Sam, he mostly just skip it, and when Dean tries to apologise to Sam, he tells him he doesn’t need to.

And if u need a reminder on Dean greatest hits:

S4 Dean: “ If I didn't know you, I would want to hunt you”

S5 Dean: “I don’t know whether it’s gonna be demon blood or some other demon chick or what, but…I do know they're gonna find a way to turn you”

Dean after getting the gentle sweet treatment 99% of the times from his baby brother, the 1% he doesn’t get it, he acts like a kicked dog, and he cant and wont ever move on.. i am glad we had Bobby in the earlier seasons calling Dean out on that by saying “ i am sorry ur feelings are hurt princess “

Dean actually always goes out of his way to take whatever Sam says in the worst way possible. Like clearly in S9 the point of conflict that Sam didn’t want to be possessed, and he wont do it to Dean if the situation reversed. But Dean took as, oh “ you are not going to save me…” actually its Dean own insecurities, and his own self hatred that wanted him to believe that Sam doesn’t love as much, as he loves him.

And even when Sam back tracked what he said in the final and worked an entire season trying to save Dean even intimidating a human into making a deal. Still Dean had to remind him again of what he said, a sign that he didn’t move on. So of course the audience didn’t.

Didn’t Dean tell Sam he should have died instead of Charlie! Did he backtrack that? Even apologised ? No to both, and almost everyone forgot about that because Sam did——and plz no one says it was the mark of cain talking, because i dont see Sam getting a free pass with demon blood—-

I don’t judge the guys for this dynamic. I think Sam is willing to forgive his brother because he owes him so much, because Dean has been taking care of him his whole life. Dean choose to be a good older brother and NOT mirror his father awfulness, so he earned his place in Sam’s life.

However i wish the show fans see the two sides, not only Dean POV.

[helbramstrauma]

Period Comfort Headcanon

Feitan x Reader

The reader's gender is not specified but they are afab

We will start with my favorite comfort serial killer for this as this is self-indulgent. If it wasn't clear my comfort murderer is Feitan. Just as a side note, when I am on my period it feels as if I was written by a white guy using basic period tropes, so sorry if that shows through. Also as a fair warning, I was using some herbal pain killer so if this reads like it is written by someone who is stoned, that is because it is.

The headcanon that was never meant to be a headcanon.

You would think Feitan would be hard to scare since he is a proficient torturer and member of the most infamous gang. However, you on your period is the most terrifying thing to him.

He would never want to hurt you because he does care about you, even though he has a hard time showing it in conventional ways. So seeing you in a sensitive state hurts him and he is terrified of saying/doing the wrong thing for fear of making it worse.

Though it never crosses his mind that walking circles around you is just as bad. Feitan is trained to pick up on tone shifts and subtle facial expressions but when it comes to you, all of that goes out the window.

He will not see you yearning for cuddles or conversation, which then leads you to lash out more. He does eventually catch on though.

The fridge and freezer are stalked. He has chocolate, ice cream, wine, and your pain killer of choice.

Also, Feitan is your own personal heating pad as he is always extremely warm to the touch. (he can practically summon the sun there is no way he feels cold, that isn't how math works lol).

He has adapted you to lay in your lap while watching movies and lounging. Loves when you scratch his scalp

Even though he is not the most physically affectionate, he will let down that barrier for when you are on your period. You need cuddles, you are getting cuddles.

His skills in torture also give him the knowledge of a masseuse. Feitan's backrubs are the best, he knows how to bring pain to his victims and the most relaxing massages to you.

However, a point of contention between you will be the sleeping situation, it isn't because he is scared of getting blood on the sheets, trust me he can get the blood out. Rather it is because you tend to shift a lot more in your sleep when you are on your period and he is a very light sleeper.

So having a sleep-deprived feitan and your heightened emotions do not make for a good combination. That being said, if you stick to calm activities it lowers the risk factor.

Backtracking to bloody sheets, the first time you accidentally bled on the sheets he thought you were injured and proceeds to wake you up and evaluate your body for any scratches.

Baths, he will run you a bubble bath on the worse day of your period as he knows standing to take a shower may be too much.

Eventually, he will memorize what sanitary product you use, but he has no knowledge of any of it. You could ask him to get a vagina vacuum, he will look for it after asking what size and brand you wanted.

Feitan will threaten an associate to find it too.

The first time he bought period products he bought a bunch of other weird things too, but now he will buy them with condoms and make direct eye contact with the cashier, like a sociopath.

I guess I never covered period sex, he's down if you're down feitan, clearly, isn't afraid of a little blood. But he will very careful with you during the process.

Big on praise during this time, just really soft.

Also, he knows that sex is one of the best ways to calm period cramps. (fun fact for you uterus owners).

I feel like he would try to make you laugh a lot more too.

His sense of humor is quite dry and sarcastic, but during these sensitive times he will put in extra effort to see your face lit up with a smile.

Feitan knows what movies/shows to queue up for a night in. He has the popcorn, wine, and blankets for you too.

Even though he is quite awkward in the beginning he does adapt and becomes an asset to your period survival kit.

I hope when I wake up tomorrow I don't get embarrassed by this.

[jeyumi]

Critical Analysis on Revali and Link’s relationship (and why there’s more basis for the pairing than you’d think)

As haughty as Revali is, there’s actually quite a bit of subtle details at work lying beneath his egotistical surface then initially let on. Revali’s character is of course very boastful, and egotistical, but he isn’t entirely honest with others, as mentioned by the Rito bard Kass.

To begin with, a lot of Revali’s irritation with Link to be less about Link being chosen as the "Hero Who Shall Seal the Darkness" (although don't get me wrong, it does play a part) but in actuality the majority of Revali’s grievances towards Link actually stem from that Link doesn't respond or show any reaction to anything Revali does.

In his diary, Revali goes out of his way to describe Link as emotionless and empty, and insults him along those lines rather than inferiority. In the same breath he mentions that he could believe the rumors Link bested adult soldiers at the age of four, thus giving us insight that Revali does in fact believe Link has great prowess in his skills which implies respect (and then Revali quickly backtracks saying that Revali himself is undefeated in aerial combat and that Link couldn’t come close, but that's just Revali's ego blustering about.)

In the memory we all know where Revali shows off his gale to Link and taunts him before flying away to Medoh, it appears on the surface he’s bragging and trying to show off how much better he is than Link. However, in his diary, he talks at length about this event. He says he leaves to find peace with Medoh afterwards because he was frustrated that Link had no reaction to his talk of his accomplishments, and it upset him enough that he couldn't stand to be around Link any longer. In other words, Revali wasn’t just showing off his gale and his ability of flight when he left, it was because that indifference stung too much. All that taunting was likely him lashing out in hopes to provoke any reaction from Link, and when that failed, he used it as an excuse to get away from Link.

This idea is practically proven by Revali's secret lines in the DLC of "Win or lose, I would have liked to settle the score with you..." Because this line turns everything on it's head. Revali literally admits it isn't about besting Link and proving he's the better warrior all around, but that it was about he wanted acknowledgement from Link. He wanted for Link to at least consider him important enough to try and compete with in a battle, even if it resulted in Revali being defeated by Link. This heavily implies Revali has quite a high respect for Link for him not only going able to go out of his way to challenge him, but to also be willing to accept that loss. Of course, because Revali is extremely proud, he would never directly admit this and even the earlier implication of respect for Link in his diary is only implied.

The final indication of this idea is when Revali gives Link his prized gale after Link frees Vah Medoh. Revali is clearly hoping for some reaction from Link after giving him ‘Revali’s Gale’ but Link still doesn't respond. And in that scene, you can see his disappointment that even then, even when giving Link his greatest legacy, Link still doesn't acknowledge Revali. (Revali’s lines are specifically “Feel free to thank me now.” [Camera changes to Link staring and saying nothing] Revali then mutters resignedly “Never mind... just go.”)

So anyways in summary Revali canonically wanted a reciprocated rivalry with Link and you can't change my mind.

[willwriteforhugs]

ateez says “i love you” for the first time

ateez scenario - all members (individually) x reader

genre: fluff, angst if your vision is worse than 20/60

word count: 4k (total)

warnings: minor intrusive thoughts, some arguing and cursing 

a/n: this fic should be taken lightheartedly! i really enjoyed writing this, but please remember that it is for entertainment purposes only. also beware: some of these are a bit longer than others? please know that it wasn’t intentional lol (no writer’s bias here!) also, the gif above does not belong to me! thank you so much for reading <3

hongjoong: 

quiet, repetitive sound effects play through the outside of hongjoong’s headphones. you sigh, resting your head on his shoulder. even when your boyfriend isn’t working, he’s working.

you’d been together two months already, but sometimes you worried. he was so busy, and you knew it wasn’t his fault... but you weren't sure how he really felt about you. for you, the first few dates had been butterflies-in-the-stomach, giggling-like-crazy, head-over-heels-for-this-man type emotions. but as you sit in his studio on this saturday night, you start to wonder if he’d ever felt those things.

you tilt your head to look at him. god, he’s beautiful. those long lashes that you would absolutely kill for, his curious eyes... everything about him screamed “love of your life!!!”

hongjoong shifts in his seat, glancing down at you. he smiles a little, and plants a small kiss on your temple. “ten more minutes, my love. i’m almost done.”

you smile and nod sleepily.

the ten minutes pass in relative silence, minus joong’s music, which was accompanied by the tapping of his foot. 

finally, he shuts his laptop. he stands up, returning to his desk to put everything back in order. you stay where you are, watching him.

after a moment, you stand up. “i’m gonna go heat up the car.”

he looks back at you, already protesting. “babe, you don’t need to do that. plus it’s late- i don’t want you out there all alone.”

“i’ll be okay, hongjoong. you know how cold that car will be.”

he holds your gaze for a moment. “alright.”

you turn to leave as he continues talking. 

“i’ll be out in just a minute, okay? i love you.”

you freeze, halfway out the door. your head swivels back, and your boyfriend is staring at you with wide eyes, clearly catching what he’d said.

“what did you say?”

he’d said it in passing. of course he loves you, the same way hongjoong loves everyone, why would he-

“i said i love you,” he sighs. he sets down his bag and crosses the room in large strides. he comes to a stop in front of you, and lifts his hands to cradle your face. “and i meant it. i do. i didn’t mean to tell you like that, but- yeah. i love you.”

your voice cracks when you finally manage to speak. “i love you, too.”

seonghwa:

the heels of your boots make angry clicking sounds on the floor of the apartment complex. tears prick at your eyes, and you increase your pace.

just get through the door, y/n. don’t you dare cry in public.

work had been awful, of course. apparently, you’d made a mistake while filing paperwork last week, and now the whole office was behind, scrambling to make up for lost time. learning about your slip up had been hard enough. being absolutely screamed at by your boss had pushed you over the edge. you had managed to finish your hours, but now, you practically sprint for the safety of your apartment.

you take the stairs two at a time, dignity long abandoned. when you get to your front door, your hands shake trying to unlock it. a sob tears through your throat. why, god? what did i do to you?

the door finally swings open, and you stumble inside. kicking off your shoes, you walk straight to the bedroom, where you sink to the floor and begin to cry. 

thump. 

you raise your head. what the hell was that?

thump.

a beat passes, then a voice from the other room: “hello? y/n, is that you?”

the door to your bedroom opens, and there he is. seonghwa, your boyfriend of only three months, stands in the doorway. upon seeing you, his face cracks.

“y/n? babe, what happened? i thought i heard you get home, are you okay?”

hearing your boyfriend’s concern only made you cry harder. frantic, he hits the floor next to you and tugs your hands away from your face. “talk to me. what happened?”

your voice is croaky and broken, but you manage to recap the story from work. by the end of it, seonghwa looks almost as emotional as you do.

“what a douchebag. who does he think he is?”

you reach out and gently swat at his thigh. “don’t talk all big.”

he manages a small smile. “i’m sorry, y/n. tell me what you need right now. let me help you.”

“can... can you just hold me?”

this is something seonghwa knows how to do. he crawls over to you and leans against the bed, hugging you tightly from behind. “yes, i can do that.”

a beat passes.

“you know i love you, right?”

your heart skips a beat. he’d never said that before, not like this. but you don’t say anything. you reply by sinking deeper into his hold, letting out a long sigh. 

he understands.

yunho: 

“okay, seriously. where are we going?” you look over at your boyfriend, feeling the edges of anxiety begin to creep in. 

yunho, who’s seated at the wheel of the car, looks over at you, his eyes crinkling slightly. a smile tugs at his lips. “why are you worried?”

you huff and slouch back in your seat. your seat belt digs into your shoulder, making you cringe. “i’m not worried.” you lie. “i just want to know where you’re taking me.”

“well, i already told you- it’s a surprise.”

“yes, but-” you hold up your hand, counting on your fingers. “it’s not my birthday. it’s not your birthday. it’s not a holiday. it’s not our anniversary. so. what is it?”

yunho glances at you again, exasperated. “you are so difficult. just let me treat you, you dumbass.”

“treat me? yunho-ah, i swear to god-”

“don’t! it’s nothing big! now shut up- you’re on talking restrictions.”

you gape at him. “talking restrictions? i’m not a six year old-”

“oh look, we're here!” your counterpart shouts over you. he turns the vehicle and pulls into a parking lot you don’t recognize. you peer out the window, craning your neck in order to see the building in front of you. “is this a hotel?”

yunho hums a confirmation. “your bag is in the back.” 

- - - 

ten minutes later, you find yourself standing in what’s probably the nicest hotel room you’ve ever graced. you gape at your boyfriend, hoping he realizes how crazy he is.

yunho sees your expression and laughs, his hand instinctively rising to cover his teeth. “do you like it?”

you stutter, unable to hide your surprise. “i- yes, of course. but, yunho, you said it wasn’t anything big!”

he laughs again. “nothing’s too big for you, love.”

your face flushes. god, you love him. yes, he is a hopeless romantic, and yes, he says cheesy things. but you’d been in love with him for a while now, you think. since before he’d even asked you out. you’d always admired him from afar, but yes- you know it was love all along. 

“um. is there...a particular... reason? for this?” you manage. surely this isn’t as  random as it seems.

yunho crosses the room to stand with you, wrapping his long arms around you. you step back in surprise. “yunho-ah?”

he buries his face in your neck, inhaling. “yeah, i-yeah. i guess i just wanted to say-” he pulls away to meet your eyes. “i just wanted to say- to show that i love you.”

you blink, and say the first thing you think of. 

“thank you?”

yunho looks surprised for a moment- then bursts into laughter. you gasp, trying to backtrack. “wait- no- no i love you too,” you scramble.

yunho bends over, only laughing harder. “babe-” he says between wheezes. “that was so funny. i love you so much.”

you’re laughing too, now.

yeosang: 

your finger traces circles on the fabric of the couch, and you sigh contentedly. you glance to your left, gazing up at your boyfriend, who’s scrolling on his phone. you and yeosang are only a few months into your relationship, but nights like this already feel so natural.

but looking up at him now, you can’t help but feel that something’s a bit off. you sit up, brushing his arm away from you. “yeosang?”

he looks up at you, eyes wide and curious. “what?”

“are you alright?”

he looks a bit taken aback. “what do you mean?”

“i don’t know, you just- you seem stiff. did something happen? or- was there something you needed to talk about?”

for a moment, he doesn’t answer. then he sighs, running a hand through his hair. “you’ve gotten really good at reading me, you know that?”

you tilt your head. “sure, i guess? what did you need to talk about?”

“oh, it’s just- um- something i wanted to say...” his voice trails off.

you lean forward, worried. “what?”

you’ve known yeosang so long, but you have no idea where he’s going with this. what if he wants to break up? what if he wants to go to third base? do people even say ‘third base’ anymore? what if-

“it’s just. um.” he pauses again, even after interrupting your thoughts. “iloveyou,” he says in a rush. as soon as the words leave his mouth, yeosang’s face turns beet red. his expression twists into a grimace.

you feel your own face betray your surprise. “wait, what?”

he won’t meet your eyes, but your heart speeds up. “yeosang-yah, what did you say?”

he responds in a mumble. “i said i love you.”

you feel so many things at once, and you want to say a million things. you’d dated before, but no one had ever told you they loved you. you feel your eyes begin to burn from withholding tears. “yeosang.”

he looks up at you, his eyes begging for something more.

“i love you too.” you cut him off before he can ask. “and before you ask- yes, i’m sure.”

you reach forward, running a finger down the side of his face. “you dumbass.”

his eyes widen in mock anger. “dumbass!? i can’t even-” he grabs your waist and shoves you back on the couch. “i can’t believe you!”

you burst into laughter. “big words for a man who’s just confessed his love!”

san:

“i don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!”

you throw your hands in the air, exasperated.

san’s face flushes red. “well i don’t know what you want from me!”

your mouth drops open as he turns away. “no. no fucking way- you can’t walk in here and start a fight just to leave! you don’t know what you want from me? you started this!!”

your boyfriend turns to face you again. his eyes burn with barely controlled anger. “no- i wanted a civil conversation. you were the one who went and got all defensive.”

“san, you’re accusing me! how the hell am i supposed to respond?”

“i didn’t accuse you of anything. i asked you a damn question.”

“an accusatory question.”

san rolled his eyes with so much emotion it hurt to watch. you clench your hands. you couldn’t believe him. don’t misunderstand- you and san usually got along great, and the two of you had been in a steady relationship for a few months now. but san was so emotional- in a way you just weren't. you didn’t understand his emotional insecurities. so when he came home asking why you felt the need to ignore him in favor of your other friends- you couldn’t believe your ears. 

back in the moment, you make a groaning sound. “san-ah,” you begin, trying to keep your voice even. “i just don’t understand what makes you think all that.”

san is still upset, clearly. he scoffs, tossing his head. “please, y/n- you’re always making excuses to leave, it’s like you don’t even want to see me!”

“but that’s not true!”

“just the other night you went out with friends, when i specifically said i wanted to be with you!”

“but san- i hardly see them either! you know how busy i am-”

“i’m even busier than you are!” he argues.

“don’t cut me off!” you seethe. “besides, why is it any business of yours when i want to go out? i don’t-”

“of course it’s my business!” san steps closer, pointing down at your chest. “it’s my business because i love you!”

your words die in your throat. “i...what?”

he loves you? now? he’d never told you that before... 

what just happened?

san grimaces, and the anger leaves his face. his whole body seems to deflate.

 your own pulse seems to slow down, and you sigh. san runs a hand through his hair, looking away.

“y/n, i... i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to-” he cuts himself off, as if afraid of his own words. 

“san....”

“no, i’m sorry. i can’t believe i blew up like that.” he looks saddened as he takes a step towards you. his hand brushes your elbow, and you shut your eyes. 

you hear him whisper; “can i hold you?”

you nod, then practically melt in his arms. “i’m sorry, too.” you mumble into his chest. for a moment, the two of you just stand there, letting the embrace linger. 

“did...” you begin. “did you mean it? what you said?”

san pulls away to gaze into your eyes. he brushes a stray hair from your eyes. 

“yeah. yeah, i did. i’m sorry i told you like that.”

you pause. “it’s okay. i love you too, though.”

for the first time tonight, your boyfriend smiles.

mingi:

it’s snowing. and for the first time this season, too. you can’t help but grin as you watch the snow fall, face peeking through the curtains. 

“are you actually that excited?”

you turn to look mingi, your boyfriend, in the eye. “yes, yes i am. are you telling me you’re not?”

he smiles- a big, genuine smile, the one you’d grown to love more than anything. “no, i am. i’m gonna throw it at you, though. just a warning.”

you make a face, and turn back to the window. you and mingi had only been dating a few weeks, but you’d known each other much longer than that. though your relationship had only just begun, it felt like you’d been dating for years. 

many of your girlfriends had said the beginning of a relationship was- while being the most fun part- also the most stressful. there was supposed to be a lot of pressure. but you didn’t feel that way with mingi. you had kissed him only when you felt comfortable, you had met his family only when you felt comfortable... though you hadn’t slept together yet, you felt no rush. part of you wondered if you were doing something wrong, but mingi seemed happy too, so you tried not to overthink it.

the snow continues to fall in large chunks. after a few moments of peace, you hear an odd shuffling behind you. you turn around, and mingi is standing there, wearing a full winter parka, looking like he was about to pick you up. 

“dammit!” he curses. “i was gonna try to scare you.”

“ha-ha.” you deadpan.

“yeah, yeah. put this on.” he tosses your own coat at you, and gestures for you to hurry.

“hold on, you don’t actually want to go play in that, do you?”

“that’s exactly what we’re doing.”

you start to protest, but mingi cuts you off by snatching your coat back and zipping you in it himself. then he grabs you by the waist and drags you off the couch. 

after several minutes of wrestling, you find yourself outside in the cold, sitting on your butt in a snowbank. “oh, it’s on, you little-”

mingi laughs and runs away, then picks up an armful of snow and tosses it in your face. you blink in shock, and he doubles over, laughing even harder than before.

“song mingi! you have some nerve!”

the next 15 minutes consist of you and mingi trying to see how much snow you could force onto the other, along with the occasional laugh break.

finally, mingi collapses onto his back in the snow, breathing heavily. you plop down next to him, giggling. 

“i hate you,” you say between hiccups of laughter.

he turns and grins at you, before turning his face to the sky. “well, i love you.”

you catch his eye, unsure that you heard him correctly. “come again?”

“i love you!” he shouts at the sky, then rolls over to meet your gaze. before you can manage an answer, he leans over and presses his cold lips against yours.

wooyoung:

you take another deep breath, determined to keep your heart rate down. 

you are going to do fine. it’s just one interview...

oh, but you really want this job. what if you do terribly?

you shove the thought out of your head. you glance at the clock. 10:56. 19 minutes until you either do amazing or fuck up your entire career. you reach over and pick up your phone. you’d left early, so should you just try to kill the time?

you have a text. it’s from wooyoung, your boyfriend.

wooyoung: hey

wooyoung: if you see this before your interview call me 

you wonder what he could possibly need from you right now, but you hit dial anyways.

you and wooyoung were... a lot. for a while, you’d been in a “relationship that’s not really a relationship” type of thing... but he’d only officially asked you out a few weeks ago. you liked him a lot, actually. you loved how outgoing he was, and how much he seemed to care about you. and his friends were nice. plus, he was- well- not bad on the eyes.

he picks up on the second ring. “hey!”

“hi?” you ask. “was there something you needed?”

on the line, wooyoung fakes a gasp. “i can’t just talk to you whenever i want?”

“you asked me to call you.”

“whatever.”

you sigh, laughing a little.

“anyways,” he continues. “i just wanted to see how you were doing. i know you were worried.” your heart flutters at the thought that he was thinking of you now. but the interview...

“oh.” your mind turns back to the event to come. “right. uh, i’ll be okay.”

“are you sure?”

“yes, wooyoung. i mean, i’m definitely nervous, and i can think of 1000 ways this could go wrong, but overall, i’m alright!”

your boyfriend laughs. “i know. really, i know you’ll do well. you’re one of the smartest people i know- they’d be fools to turn you down.”

- - - 

three hours later, you sit at your kitchen table, mindlessly picking at your lunch. across from you, wooyoung looks concerned.

“baby, is the food bad, or...?” 

you look up. “no! no, not at all! i’m just- i’m just not very hungry.”

wooyoung’s eyes crinkle with sympathy. “you’re nervous?”

yes. yes, of course. you have no idea how that interview went. but you were positive that the man in the grey suit hated your guts, even though-

“y/n-ah,” your boyfriend calls you back down to earth. “it’ll be fine. please eat.”

you shove some of the food into your mouth, more to satisfy him than yourself. suddenly, your cell phone rings. the sound makes you jump. you pull it out answering it automatically. “yes?” 

as the voice on the other end of the line talks, you nearly drop your chopsticks. wooyoung leans forward, trying to eavesdrop, and you shoo him away. 

a minute passes, and you slowly lower your phone as the woman on the line ends the call. your boyfriend is staring at you. 

“who was that?”

your voice is froggy. “wooyoung- i got the job.”

a beat passes, then he leaps up. “you- you did?!? i knew it! oh my god!” he grabs your wrists and yanks you out of your seat. he spins you in a frantic circle, ending it by slamming you into his chest, hugging you hard. 

“i knew you could do it, baby. wow, i love you so much.”

your heart skips a beat at these words, but wooyoung himself doesn’t seem to catch them- he keeps talking, because that’s just who he is. but you don’t miss it.

you know he meant it. 

jongho:

“boom! look at that one!” you laugh, fitting together another set of puzzle pieces. 

jongho, your boyfriend, glances over, letting a small smile escape his lips. “it’s upside down, babe.” 

you look back down at the pieces, realizing he’s right. 

“oops.” you giggle, flipping them upright. “i think they do go on the left, though.”

you’d been so excited for today. you had done nothing all morning, only being able to think about what you were going to do with your boyfriend later. nowadays, with ateez’s popularity, you had very little alone time with jongho. you’d only been dating a short while- but you still wanted to see him as often as possible.

so when he’d come up to your apartment holding a jigsaw puzzle, you immediately agreed to participate. you’d never been particularly good at puzzles, but jongho seemed to enjoy them. it’s the calm, you think. there’s a lot of chaos in his day to day job, so it’s really not surprising that he enjoys things like this. 

you watch his hands as they roam across the table, searching for edge pieces. 

he has such beautiful hands.

“oh, y/n-ah- can you hand me that one there? the blue?”

you hand him the cutout. “what is this supposed to be again?”

“uuh-” jongho hesitates, glancing at the discarded box on the floor. “an alaskan sunset?”

the two of you meet eyes, then look at the table. he bursts into laughter. “are we doing something wrong? alaskan sunset...” he manages.

god, his smile. you love his smile, probably more than anything. you didn’t see it too often- that full, gummy smile of his. your heart flutters as you watch him laugh.

he meets your eyes again. “how are we bad at this? it’s a puzzle!”

“well, it’s your puzzle, and it’s 2000 pieces! who willingly does 2000 piece puzzles?!” you begin to laugh too.

jongho’s chuckling ceases, and he reaches over to grasp your wrist. he places a gentle kiss on your knuckles. “i love to see you laugh like that.”

you feel your face burst into flames. you sheepishly try to pull your hand back. “jongho-yah...”

he smiles again and tugs you closer, placing his forehead against yours. for a moment, he just looks into your eyes, his own sparkling with curiosity and adoration. then he closes his eyes and leans in, pressing his warm lips against yours. 

the kiss is tentative, inviting. you lean into it, hoping he catches on. he does- he begins to kiss you harder, parting your lips with his own. this goes on for a moment before he pulls away.

you almost whine, wishing he hadn’t ended it so quickly. but looking at him, you can see his face is red, and he won’t meet your eyes. before you can truly wonder about his well-being, jongho comes in again, stopping just before his lips meet yours.

he looks down at the floor, his lips barely brushing yours. “y/n.”

you make a small “hmm?” noise.

his words come out in a low whisper. “i think i’m in love with you.”

you almost jerk back in surprise. but instead, you let a beat pass in silence. then you lean forward, pressing a kiss to his chin. “and i think i’m in love with you.”

<333

[scrapyardboyfriends]

Had to watch late...wow...yikes

I mean I just kind of rolled my eyes and laughed at it but it’s literally all terrible. Every second of it. 

Let’s start with the Lydia stuff. I just...I don’t understand what this pension scam plot is supposed to be. Is it still meant to have been Paul that did it? If so, why are we torturing Lydia further with Paul nonsense after the credit card debt? What is that actual point here? If it’s not a Paul thing, then???? There’s literally been no talk about pensions or pension scams anywhere. We don’t even know whose pensions she’s meant to have been stealing. It’s not like she stole from people in the village that we knew. And who the fuck are all these people that suddenly care about these things? It just literally makes zero sense and I see no need to make Lydia more miserable. I just don’t get it. And therefore, I can’t connect with any of it because it’s all meaningless. 

I never need to hear about the Amelia/Beth plot again. Please don’t bring it up Dan. It was scarring enough the first time. 

I want to like this Kim/Gabby stuff more than I do cause right now I really don’t care. I just wish I was more invested in this whole poisoning plot. I hope Bernice coming back livens things up. 

Also, I just really need covid restrictions to end so we can have more customers in these places because it’s just always so silly to only have the main characters there in these little groups. 

I’m so bored of Dawn and Jamie. Honestly, I don’t even know how Kim can watch her live stream. It would put me to sleep. 

I don’t know why they bothered hiring that kid to play that Tyson character unless he’s going to do more than ride around on his bike. Maybe he’ll find them both passed out or something. 

I wholeheartedly agree with everyone who doesn’t understand why Sandra is a COMPLETELY different character now than she was last time. It drives me crazy how much they just continually retcon people to fit the plot of the moment. I just want some sense of consistency. Is that too much to ask for? I wonder what the actress thought when she read the new stuff. I mean I know she was flaky before and I know personality number two gave her a pill problem. I don’t remember her specifically having a drinking problem though. I guess they wanted to go for “like mother like daughter” but it’s weird. Also she definitely wasn’t so uninterested in Liv’s life and problems before. I feel like it was almost the opposite even if she didn’t deal with it well. I guess we’re meant to just think that’s the booze? I don’t know. 

Also...the robron slander! Tell you what, Aaron should have kept running off with that fella. I’m sure they’d both be doing better now even if they were looking over their shoulders. 

And the Ben stuff....haha. I mean...speaking of retconning. Ugh. I just hate that Ben is there all the time and just attached to Aaron. It’s so weird. I mean I realize he was there when it was announced that Liv was missing and so he might just stick around to help but it’s still weird. Especially because there was no scene with them where he was like “want me to stay? I want to help”. Instead, we’re just meant to believe Aaron is fine with this guy hanging around? 

Also, him being the one to have all the answers to everything drove me nuts. I guess you could say it’s because he’s not the one going through this and he can be more calm and level headed but still, it’s feels...manipulative...for the audience, to try and get us to like him. Because look he’s supporting Aaron. Blah. Whatever. You have to earn that role mate. 

And ditto to everyone commenting on how he really shouldn’t know that Liv is brave and clever and sharp and whatever else he said. I too was screaming “HOW WOULD YOU KNOW????!” at the screen. 

In my head, I was thinking the best way for them to try and reintegrate Ben into Aaron’s life would be to have them work on something together and have him see a different side to Aaron, but this wasn’t what I meant. This really does just stick him in there like he’s been there all along. It’s weird. If they didn’t want to add in lines that Aaron was hanging out with Ben off screen during those 4 and a half months, which honestly, I’m glad they didn’t cause...gross, the least they could have done was have him check in with Aaron now and try and explain some of it. Like I said above, just have him ask Aaron if he should stay or have him look awkward and have Aaron ask him to stay and help. Anything to explain why he’s just hanging around the whole time. 

Also Chas telling him “thank you love” for the tea or whatever just made me irrationally mad. Haha. 

And I definitely thought Aaron was saying “what are you still doing here?” to Ben and not Chas. And ugh and Chas being all “it’s better he lashes out at me”. 

I just hate all of these people. Haha. 

I just wonder what they’re going to do now with them. Are they going to backtrack from this little detour and have them go on a proper date? Are they going to actually have a real conversation about what it is that they’re doing? Or is Ben just going to keep being his shadow and then they’ll just ....be a couple or something terrible like that? I just have zero faith in these people to even tell a halfway coherent story. As is evidenced by this rant, they clearly have a terrible track record. 

Sigh. 

[mejomonster]

"There's blood on my hands"

I'm screaming I'm crying

Look gun is such a good actor. His eyes as black are so different. He is so painfully not white in this scene

This whole scene I was terrified cause sean is SO OPEN so trusting it's so clear hes close to white.

I love blacks character and guns performance but hate how painful that scene is and hate that he did it.

Like. Ur him. U want to protect everyone from the deadly shit ur into. What's more it seems Iike whites protest fueling means even more people want uvspecifically killed. U want to protect white ur bro.

U tell him to get back to his life. U tell him the gang won't like his lying- in part to keep him far from ur deadly problems. Even tho we know white won't listen.

U fight those ppl at ur apartment so brutally cause u want white to know how serious the danger is - its fight for ur life and u want him to know he's not prepared for that extreme. U want him scared off and safe. Ur also literally brutally trying to quash ppl trying to harm u cause... they literally put u in a coma already and TRIED to kill u already. Its not kill or be killed for the rest of the gang but it is for blsck.. both because he already was almost killed, and his mom said point blank people want him dead and won't stop. Black can't backtrack much into peaceful at this point - just fight or run far away. And he's a fighter, ans he would stay anyway to make sure the heat isn't on his brother.

He sees Sean and white kiss. Yeah Sean's his enemy. But this is about white. He doesn't wanr sean to drag white back into this. He doesn't want white to have the urge to come reunite with Sean - he WANTS Sean to fight him! To be mad at black! (Therefore mad if he sees white). He wants Sean to be so mad he will push white away to help keep white safe. To a degree black also knows everyone wants him specifically dead - the farther Sean is from him, the safer Sean is, the gang is, and even if white comes back to Sean hopefully it will keep white and Sean farther from this. But ideally? Black wants Sean to hate him/white, so Sean will push white away if white shows up before white can explain, so white will be as FAR from potential death as possible.

As awful as black is being hes still very much in crisis mode. He's doing everything rn to Try and do damage control. To keep white out of danger asap, to try and prevent future danger, and to isolate himself in order to try and make sure if anyone tries to kill him again then he'll be the only casualty and not otjers

(Unfortunately for my heart. I think this means if he saw gram he'd shove him away as much as he's shoving sean,, or white, or already drove eugene away. I think black is desperate to protect others rn. Especially loved ones in particular so gram even more so is likely to be pushed away in any attempt black can think of to keep a friend out of the deadly danger he's stuck in.)

Yeah black is lashing out and his gaze is hard and gun plays him so intensely intimidating. But wow can I tell the dude is clearly fearing for his life right now and even more the life of all his loved ones. I think part of why he's so violent right now is he was genuinely almost killed, knows he's about to be in that again and needs to win for everyone's sake (or they're going after white, the gang etc especially with white getting linked to blacks activities now), and he's Still in "I'm gonna do this alone" mode (which is NOT gonna work for him long term but it's unsurprising he's in thar mode as he clearly was pre coma as well).

Slightly related but I loved the white and his mom scene. How gun plays white SO intensely different. How white learned his bro was being hunted to be killed and still is. How white is also now a target people genuinely want dead (for what he did as black) and its darker ans more serious than naive optimistic white had assumed. How it reallt is get out or some ppl won't stop until ur dead. How he already knows hed choose to dig in and keep fighting. He's reached the same conclusion as his brother even tho he goes about fighting in a different way (and again I think part of black being So extreme in method is now cause he's literally been almost killed and known this is a life or death conflict for a lot longer than white). White hit a lot of hard moments in that scene... my boy...

[baepop]

J’aime III [final]

After meeting Jungkook again years after your heartbreak, letting him in proved to be harder than you both expected.

Word Count: 13k

Pairing: You x Jungkook

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this series as much as I enjoyed writing it ;___;

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

You could not help the feeling of relief and overwhelming emotion that overtook you as you searched amongst the ocean of attendees for your family. Tears sprang to the corners of your eyes while shimmying past a couple of graduates embracing. You recognized your mother’s graying hair peeking through the crack of limbs before you. With a final push, you cleared into the field to greet your cheering family members. The first thing you noticed was the beautiful bouquet of flowers in your father’s arms. The next thing was the presence of your grandmother, which ushered in a fresh wave of tears. You hugged as many family members at once as you could, your shiny gown billowing behind you in the warm spring wind. You finally made it. These had been the most taxing 4 years of your life, but you finally graduated college with your criminal justice degree.

“Ahh, stop crying! You’re going to look ugly in the photos!” Your mother wiped the dripping mascara from your under eyes carefully. Normally, a comment like that from her would have you sneering, but you couldn’t be bothered as the overwhelming happiness painted everything in rosy hues.

After taking turns posing with every single one of your supporters, you all piled into cars and drove off towards your house where a family barbecue was already underway. You smiled giddily at the cheesy hand painted sign that read “Class of 2020” hanging on your porch, no doubt the messy scrawl of your uncles. In true family fashion, it seemed they had started partying long before the guest of honor should arrive. Your heels clicked against the pavement as you made your way to your backyard where children chased each other around and adults lounged around the grill, sipping from their cold beer bottles and talking loudly over the booming music that blared from your dad’s speakers. The sun shone brightly over your neighborhood in the vast and cloudless blue sky, so much so, that you had to squint and use your hand as a visor as you took everything in.

Your ample state of serenity would have been enough to carry you for the rest of the summer, if you hadn’t been startlingly cognizant of the unexpected presence standing awkwardly by your fence. Your body stiffened, your wary eyes squinting at his equally uncomfortable figure. Your mother patted your back as you turned to her, your eyes urging her to explain.

The expanse of time in between you having quit your job at the café and your graduation had been a blur. You had already known heartbreak prior to the crushing blow of those vile text messages, so your body was equipped with the sort of numbness you needed to survive that pain again. You threw yourself into your studies, even retaking classes you had gotten low grades on before. You were determined not to worry your parents like you had when Jungkook left. You were also determined not to repeat your mistakes in a moment of weakness, so you spent most of your time out of the house. And you had done a damn good job at it too since being on a first name basis with your school’s librarians served as tangible proof.

It was by no means an easy feat, however. Anytime you’d see Hobi’s or Jungkook’s name flashing on your phone screen, it’d take you back to the night you couldn’t sleep, and then to various other nights when you didn’t even realize the sun was rising because you had been having so much fun hanging out. You missed the days where the only pain you knew was the one at your sides from laughing so hard and not the one in your heart.

Mr. Kim had been flustered when you resigned over the phone, urging you to reconsider and wondering if everything was okay at the sound of your sullen tone of voice. You refused to elaborate, simply telling him that you needed to focus on your studies. It wasn’t exactly a lie, after all. But you knew the boys wouldn’t accept such an explanation, and you weren’t inclined to inquire about their little bet for fear of being manipulated again. You simply wanted a clean break, and that meant acting as if you all had never even met.

It was hard at first. Whenever your phone would ring nonstop, you knew it was because one of them was parked outside of your house waiting for you to come down. You allowed yourself to peak out of your window whenever that was the case, believing yourself to be a masochist above all else. The sight of Jungkook twirling his keys in his hand and holding his phone up to his ear, waiting for you to answer him, never quite left you.

Eventually, the calls and text messages stopped coming. Eventually, there was no need to look out of the window anymore, much to your relief but also disappointment. They had both given you exactly what you wanted in the end, a clean break. It had since been so long that you had seen any of them, that seeing Hobi regard you warily from the limit of your backyard was enough to stop you in your tracks.

“I invited him, dear. You two used to be so close! Go say hello, don’t be rude!” Your mom offered you a tentative smile as she pushed you in his direction before heading over to the grill. Ruby crescents formed on your sweaty palms. You cursed yourself for not being transparent with her about what really happened, but how were you to know she would ambush you like this? You pursed your lips while holding prolonged eye contact with your unwanted guest. Eventually, he offered you a small wave before shoving his hands in his pockets and shrugging his shoulders. You took a deep breath and removed your heels, knowing they wouldn’t fare well against the soft terrain that spanned past the concrete walkway.

You approached the boy with your hands on your hips. He offered you a coy smile but waited for you to speak first as you eyed him incredulously.

“What…are you doing here?” You tried to keep the venom out of your tone, since you truly wanted to know his logic behind his sudden appearance.

“Couldn’t say no to your mom. She insisted and, I’ve been wanting to see you, so… here I am.” He peered at you through his lashes, but it still wasn’t enough to demolish the emotional wall you had built and reinforced these past few years.

You sighed, not feeling satisfied in the slightest. “Well, you really shouldn’t have come.”

Hobi nodded in a morose fashion, looking down at his feet while kicking small rocks into the dirt.

“Hoseok! Honey, come eat!” Your mother waved him over with a huge plate of food in her hands. Your head snapped in her direction as internally screamed at her audacity.

Hobi rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment but conceded to her request as he approached the food table with you closely in tow. Your mother handed you a plate as well, and you both took seats near the playing children.

Neither of you ate for a while, letting the upbeat music fill the heavy silence in between you two.

Eventually, Hobi cleared his throat to congratulate you on your big day. “Criminal justice, right? So, are you going to be, like, a cop or something?” Hobi took a bite of his hot dog.

“Not exactly. I have a job in the city waiting for me once summer is over with a small PI’s office.” Hobi nodded, clearly impressed by how together your life was.

“That’s awesome. I fucked my credits up, so I still have a semester left until I graduate.” Hobi chewed on his food thoughtfully.

You nodded along, finally paying attention to the plated food on your lap. You could only spare a few curt responses in between bites. “Music studies?”

The excruciating small talk continued until your plates were empty. As you sat and watched your two baby nephews wrestling on the grass, you heard Hobi finally speak up softly next to you.

“Can I at least know…what I did?” You turned to him, his eyes melting into yours in a moment of true affliction. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss you like hell. If there’s anything I can do to get you back, consider it done.”

Your eyes glossed over as a sudden wave of emotions raged beneath the surface of your cold demeanor. You broke away from his gaze to watch something, anything that would cut the intensity of the moment.

You shook your head, not wanting him to say anything further. When you spoke, your words came out small and strained. “I…know I shouldn’t have…but I read your text messages that night we fought, the ones between you and Jungkook. I know everything so…before you try and backtrack, please just don’t.” Your face hardened before you turned back to him, though your glistening eyes betrayed you.

His face was grave, nodding after you spoke and leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees in contemplation. A resigned sigh was his only response for the next few minutes.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry we were such douchebags to you. We just got so caught up and competitive and put you in the middle of it. That was wrong and…I…we never meant for you to get hurt,” He turned back to you to convey his adamancy further, “but I really am sorry, Y/N. You don’t have to forgive me, I just need you to know that I am.”

You sighed too, already feeling drained from the day’s events. This was the last thing you were expecting today of all days. Hobi’s admittance would have wreaked much more havoc in your life when everything was still fresh, but now, it was easier to bear. You weren’t in the business of turning back the clock on your friendship with him, but you were no longer mad enough to kick him out of your party. When he got up to leave after you didn’t offer any more, you watched his receding figure approach the entrance of your backyard before you called out to him. He turned around and found you coming after him much to his surprise.

“You don’t… have to leave,” You sighed heavily, releasing the tension you had been holding in your heart after all this time, “I accept your apology. I’m not sure we can go back to how we were, but I could never hate you. You were my best friend after all. Just…stay for a while. And eat some more before my mom complains about how skinny you’ve gotten.” You smiled at him weakly, wondering if he might start crying with the look of surprise on his face.

Hobi’s eyes turned into crescent moons as his brilliant answering smile bunched up his cheeks. He agreed and followed you back to the food table. You made him another plate while he joked around with one of your uncles, unable to fight off Hobi’s infectious laughter for long. The rest of your afternoon spent together was reminiscent of the fun times you used to have, except this time, you were both older and aware of how fleeting wonderful moments could be. The serenity from before found its way back to you tenfold in the end.

What succeeded your graduation barbecue were some of the most carefree days you had had since you were a kid. It felt so good not to have to worry about deadlines or even wearing pants for that matter. You relished in the feeling of not having any responsibilities as long as you could, knowing you’d be entering the working world in only a few months.

You often thought about what your coworkers might be like, and if working in the city was really as cool as everyone made it out to seem. Taking the subway was a daunting idea that you tried not to dwell on too much, knowing it was unreasonable to fret being the only person out of millions of commuters to not be able to figure it out.

Another idea that both excited you and made you nervous was the thought of living on your own for the first time in your life. Your parents had helped you secure a small apartment near your job since commuting from your house was out of the question. You had taken the time to purchase cheap furniture and appliances from the little savings you had as well as something professional to wear for your first day. You had spent much time wondering what working at an office might be like and stupidly hoping it’d be more exciting than just fetching coffee for higher ups all day. Sadly, that’s exactly what awaited you, but you wouldn’t find that out until the Monday after your family helped you move into your new place. After hauling the little furniture you had up six flights of stairs, they stayed for a while to help you get your things put in place and order pizza.

You assumed you were so tired from the days’ events that you fell asleep on the couch, since you awoke the next morning to an empty apartment and your internet fully hooked up. As you finished arranging your clothes into your drawers, you couldn’t help feeling pathetic at the wave of homesickness that cast a dark shadow over your exciting new endeavor. Figuring it was doing you harm to stay in on a beautiful Sunday afternoon and dwelling on the many miles that now separated you from your family, you decided to take a walk and get to know your new neighborhood.

You quickly found the city to be a much hotter and more humid place than you were expecting it to be as you sauntered down the block in flip flops, shorts and your favorite pair of sunglasses. There was no alleviating breeze to be had around any corner you passed, and as perspiration began trickling down your back, you kicked yourself for having the bright idea to leave your air conditioner’s side willingly. Still, you had to admit, the constant traffic of people in a rush and the endless line of businesses that caught your attention for miles on end was exciting enough to get your mind off of the fact that you were utterly alone now.

When you got tired of fanning your sweating face with your equally sweaty hand to no avail, you decided to stop into a café only a few blocks from your apartment for an ice cold drink and, at the very least, to get out of the sun for a while. As you stepped into the quaint shop squeezed in the middle of an entertainment store and a pet shop, you were grieved to find a distinct lack of cool air welcoming you, no doubt a result of the packed crowd awaiting you indoors. I guess everyone had the same idea, huh? Still, the small florescent bulbs that hung over small wooden tables without chairs was much more favorable to the beating sun shining on everything just outside of the shop windows.

Finding the idea of waiting in line with the rest of the hot and sticky people in there unappealing, you settled for taking stand at one of the tables and waiting for the shop to clear out a little. You didn’t mind in the slightest, since you didn’t have anywhere you needed to be per se. Besides, you loved people watching. Looking around the tiny room, you realized just how true the stories were about people creating businesses under a desk in the city of you’d let them. This café was a fraction of the size that J’aime was, but you could already tell it saw an exponentially larger number of customers. It had a charming minimalist vibe full of potted plants that hung along exposed ceiling pipes, abstract pictures on the walls, and a ton of wood accents to compliment.

You caught the looks of other wondering eyes and out of politeness if nothing more, shot a smile back before continuing to let your eyes wander. You idly thought about what the workload must be like for the employees there, reminiscing about your own time working at a café which was filled with tons of downtime. Looking behind the counter, you observed two girls who reminded you of the boys. While one wrung up orders diligently, the other sped around the bar making orders, though they lacked the charm and people skills your ex coworkers had to ease peeved customers in this irritating climate. Deciding it’d probably be best to just head home and take a cold shower, you slipped past the crowd and ventured into the unrelenting sun once more, vowing to visit the shop at a less busier time and get that iced chai you craved.

“Come in!” A grumpy voice beckoned you in from the other side of the door. You looked around the small studio before opening the door to your manager’s office. Your company was small given the nature of its work, renting out a room on the ninth floor of a much larger building full of other small businesses of the same size. Apart from yourself, there was an older woman who sat at her desk and didn’t pay your arrival any mind, and a slightly older woman that chewed on an apple and eyed you enough to make you uncomfortable.

With a resigned sigh, you turned the doorknob and entered, closing the door behind you. “Good morning.” You stood at the door regarding the blonde at his desk while fidgeting with the zipper on your purse. You were expecting to find a much older gentleman with a five o’clock shadow and a lit cigar in his hand waiting for you. Looking at his pale and slight figure and shiny platinum locks that hung over bored eyes caught you off guard to say the least.

“Well? Are you just going to stand there?” He couldn’t be bothered to give you his full attention. Realizing you probably looked like a scared calf in his office, you rushed to take a seat and tried to seem less nervous. This definitely wasn’t the welcome party you were hoping for.

“Y/N, right?” He spoke as he shuffled through some loose papers on his disheveled desk, a gold plaque at the edge that read “Min Yoongi”.

“Uh, yeah.” You watched everything he did like a hawk, wanting to be ready for whatever he’d throw at you.

“You had to think about your own name?” You gulped and blushed, feeling flustered already.

“N-No. I—" His hands stilled while organizing the papers, his eyes meeting yours sharply. After a moment, good humor seemed to find him.

“How are you liking the city so far?” You had to take a second to process his attempt at small talk.

“It’s um…well, it kind of sucks.” You swallowed thickly, praying he wasn’t an avid city boy.

He paused again, maintaining eye contact for a couple seconds before his eyes squinted into a disarming gummy smile. He chuckled as he finished clearing his desk. “Yeah, not many people like the city at first but,” he reached into a desk and gathered a clip board and pen, “it’ll grow on you, I promise.” You sighed with relief, taking the documents from his hand and eyeing them carefully. You recognized the non-disclosure forms immediately. “Welcome to the office. This is your first job out of college, I’m assuming?” You looked up and nodded. “I won’t give you a ton of stuff to do, I mainly just want you to get a feel for how we do things around here. Sound good?” You nodded eagerly. “You do speak, don’t you?”

“Y-yes! Yes, I do, that sounds great.” You both chuckled lightly, you with a twinge of embarrassment and him getting a kick out of messing with the new hire.

“Byulyi, get in here!” He called out to one of the women just outside the door, though you weren’t sure whom. In a split second, the door burst open and in sauntered the brunette with the apple. “That was way too fast, were you listening outside of the door again?”

“I sure was, boss.” She smiled cheekily and took turns looking in between you and him. You couldn’t help but smile at her antics, wondering if she had been working here for long. She seemed to have an immunity to Mr. Min’s intimidating persona.

“Mhm. Well, take her and show her around. And for the love of god, don’t scare her off like you did the last one. Now get the fuck out of my office, both of you.” You got up quickly and exited the room, waiting nearby for the girl who lingered behind.

“It’s not my fault! You’re just not hiring the right people!” She yelled as she closed the door quickly before an incoming projectile in the shape of a paperweight could strike her. A thud was heard from behind the door making you flinch. She turned to you and smiled, “Uhh, not you, though! I’m sure you’ll be great.” She gave you a thumbs up before leading you over to her desk. “This is where I do important bad guy business,” She pointed to her computer and keyboard, “This is the immense documentation that needs to be processed, necessary for me to do my job legally, “She pointed at the overflowing stack of papers shoved off to the side, “Oh and, that’s Gladys over there. She’s the real sunshine of the office, the absolute light of my life. Gladys, I love you.” You both looked over at the older woman who sat typing away on her keyboard too busy to acknowledge your inquisitive stare.

“Fuck off Moon.” Glady’s grumbled with her eyebrows furrowed towards the screen. The brunette turned to you while holding back a laugh.

“See? Isn’t she the sweetest?” You grinned and wondered if she was this hyper all of the time. She continued, “Now that you’re acquainted with everything, take this,” She handed you a debit card, “and get us some coffees. Run along now!” She watched you with amusement as you struggled to form words. You felt whiplash at trying to keep up with everything and everyone.

You looked down at the card in your hand, realizing your fears were coming true. “Um…how do you all take your coffees?”

“Surprise me.” She responded absentmindedly, already absorbed in the contents of her computer screen. You hurried out and took one last look back, hoping you didn’t get lost on your way back. Once you descended to the first floor via the elevator and stepped out into the late morning atmosphere, you shrank against the bricks that lined the building’s walls. You had been so nervous before you got there, and somehow you were even more so now. Part of you expected to have your nerves quelled once you got settled in, but that was definitely not going to be the case. Finding your footing would prove to be difficult when every single one of your coworkers was intimidating in their own way. It made you think about your first day at J’aime and how intimidating Jungkook seemed. The memory made you smile, lifting your spirits enough to get your small task done. You sighed and sprang up to your feet in the direction of that café you had visited the day before, not wanting to take too long and risk seeing anyone’s bad side just yet.

You played with the debit card in the pocket of your blazer as you crossed the busy intersection. The shop was now in plain view, so you decided to think about what order. Upon arriving, you noticed how the shop was way less busy than it was before, thankfully. There were a few people dressed in professional attire, similar to yours, standing in line as you took your place behind them. By the time you reached the cash register, you had settled on getting one black coffee, one with cream and sugar, one with dairy-free milk and a dirty chai for yourself.

“Will that be all for today?” The cutesy cashier chirped as she plucked the card from your extended hand.

“Yes, thank you!” You headed towards the bar area to wait for your order, pulling your phone out to keep track of the time as you waited. You weren’t sure how long they expected you to be gone, so you didn’t want to lag behind in the slightest.

“Jungkook! We’re out of chai…yeah…and matcha too! And bring more cup sleeves if you can, we’re running low…yeah…” You were startled out of your reverie at the sound of your ex-lover’s name. Your head snapped up to see the barista chatting away on her cell phone, balancing the device between her shoulder and her ear and a coffee in each hand. She turned around and handed you half of your order, startled to see you had already been watching her. She hung up and put her phone away, looking at you with evident frustration on her face. “I’m sorry but we’re out of chai. Can I get you anything else?”

“Um, I’ll just take regular black tea if you have it.” She nodded enthusiastically before busying herself with the rest of your order. How many people have the name Jungkook? You refused to believe she could’ve been talking to the same Jungkook from your hometown. Fate wouldn’t be so cruel.

When you arrived back at the office, you found the brunette perched on top of her desk as she had been before, scrutinizing her watch. You shut the door behind you with your leg since your hands were full of drinks. “Seventeen minutes. What the hell were you doing, new girl? Getting coffee from downstairs definitely does not take seventeen minutes.” She crossed her arms and waited for you to speak, quirking her brow when you didn’t respond right away. As you looked around the room speechless, you saw that your boss and the older woman had stepped out, leaving just you two present. “Well?”

You sighed and put the drinks down on her desk, turning to her and holding out the debit card for her to take. When she reached for it, you drew your hand back. She scoffed at your audacity, but you were determined not to let your coworkers intimidate you anymore. “I have a name, I’m pretty sure you know it too, yet you insist on treating me like a pet. Please stop. Also, I didn’t know there was a place to get coffee that’s closer, I just moved here and you didn’t specify. I’ll be quicker next time though.” You placed her debit card on her extended palm with a huff.

Her eyebrows shot up and a slow smile crept across her face. “Ah, so you do have a backbone! Good to know, you’ll need it to be able to handle the kind of work we do here.” She gave you an encouraging smile, “Trust me, I’m a fluffy puppy compared to our clients. And the fact that you’re a woman means you’ll have an even harder time in this field, take it from me.” You blushed and nodded thoughtfully, your irritation dissipating into momentary embarrassment for losing your temper so quickly. She motioned towards the empty chair next to hers, “Sit down, I’ll show you some basics today in terms of paperwork. You’ll be doing a lot of the tedious work since you’re new, but it really helps us out when we get new cases.” Her mood seemed to be instantly lifted despite your slight overstep. Regardless of the oddness of it all, you were relieved she hadn’t fired you on the spot and hurried over to learn as much as you could.

From that day forward, you had an easier time at work. Moonbyul had taken you under her wing and taught you a lot on your first week, even showing you her more patient side anytime you had a question which was few and far between. It wasn’t long before you two were joking the same way she would with Yoongi and Gladys. You rarely got to work with the former since he did most of his work out on the field and would sometimes have to travel for days on end. Gladys was grumpy and anti-social but really good at her job, so you tried to help as much as you could but mainly kept out of her way. They had set you up with your own workspace two weeks after getting hired, and by the third week, you had already established a routine during the weekday. You’d arrive bright and early, fetch coffee, start on any paperwork left on your desk the day before and get distracted multiple times a day whenever Moon decided to saunter over to your area and annoy you for fun. Whenever it was time for lunch, you’d pull out a homemade pb and j from a brown paper bag and a banana like clockwork. You were still waiting on your first check to arrive in the mail, so you didn’t have the luxury of eating out just yet.

However, on one hectic morning when you forgot to set your morning alarm the night before, you found yourself without a packed meal come lunch time, the fear of arriving to work late making you forgetful. When your empty stomach became too hard to ignore, you begrudgingly headed out in search of a place you might find something to eat that wouldn’t cost you all of the money in your bank account. You took a stroll in the direction of your apartment and observed all the shops along the way, even stopping to look inside the quaint café you had been inside a few times but decided against stopping there since it didn’t look like they had much food options. You continued down the block, deciding to stop in at a pizza place with only a few customers in line.

As your eyes scanned the menu above the register, booming laughter kept distracting you from your inner monologue.

“You’ll get your slice when you bring me my coffee!” The older gentleman in an apron spoke aloud while shoving a fresh pie into the brick oven with ease.

“I’ll bring you your coffee when I get my pizza!” Your eyes landed on the boy he was talking to. His back was turned to you, but you’d recognize him anywhere. They both laughed in unison. You were next in line, but you hesitated to step forward, knowing he’d see you if you did. Yet somehow, you couldn’t find the resolve to bolt out of there, despite your subconscious screaming for you to do so.

“Hellooo,” The older man waved a palm in front of your face to get your attention, “Miss, are you ready to order?” You couldn’t rip your eyes away from the back of Jungkook’s head to address the pizzaiolo, and subsequently, you watched the boy turn towards you in slow motion, the curious look on his face morphing into one of clear shock.

The older man grew impatient, so he called for the next person in line to step forward. You sobered up at the feeling of someone pushing past you, so you quickly hopped out of the way then turned back to Jungkook. He, too, stepped away from the counter and towards you, not knowing what to say. You both stared at each other awkwardly, laughing halfheartedly when neither of you could manage to break the ice. You clutched your bag to your shoulder with both hands, feeling both butterflies and a pit at the bottom of your stomach.

He seemed impossibly older, despite it only being a few years since you’d last laid eyes on each other. His hair was straightened now and had highlights, and his tattoos had grown in number. You ogled at his sleeve of artwork that trailed up and under his short sleeve shirt that clung to every muscle in his torso. It seemed he had gotten stockier over time, though he still wore the same dangly earrings and ripped jeans that you remembered he loved so much.  

“Y/N…what are…you doing here?” He smiled and crossed his arms observing you in the same way you were him.

“Oh, I…work not too far from here. I’m on my lunch break so…” You avoided eye contact, finding it strange how you two felt like strangers, despite all the history you both shared. “What are you doing here?”

“I actually work here too, in the city now, I mean.” He rubbed the back of his neck, a shy smile blooming on his facial features. “I manage the coffee shop a few stores down. It’s the small one by the pet shop, you can’t miss it.”

You giggled, “I think I’ve been inside once or twice, actually.”

“Oh yeah? What’d you think? Not bad huh?” He leaned against the soda machine cheekily, which had you giggling even more so.

“Well, considering you don’t keep it stocked with chai, I’ll have to deem it subpar at best.” You childishly stuck your tongue out at his crestfallen expression.

“You just happened to catch us at a bad time!” You both laughed heartily at his attempt to defend his store. “Seriously though, you should come by soon. I’ll give you anything you want, on the house.” You blushed and smiled down at your shoes, not knowing what to say. Is he flirting with me? Your heart skipped a beat at the idea, but the high didn’t last long once the memory of who he actually was came knocking.

You looked back up at his hopeful doe eyes and smiled weakly, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind. But um…I should get going now, don’t want to be late and all.” His expression fell as you quickly waved and jetted out of the shop. You didn’t make it halfway down the block before you heard heavy footsteps running to catch up to you. When you turned around, Jungkook was behind you, keeled over with his hands on his knees to catch his breath momentarily.

“Wait! You can’t just leave without letting me know when I’ll see you again.” When he stood up, you noticed the sad look in his eyes. “Do you still have the same number? Maybe we can meet up some time, I can show you around?” You bit your lip, contemplating the idea.

“That sounds nice and all but…I don’t know, Jungkook…” You scratched your head, kicking yourself for not having a better excuse on hand. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t missed him all this time, but still, you had to be careful with your heart from now on. Hanging out with him as friends might feel good platonically for old times sake but, you didn’t want to risk getting caught up again.

“Well, I’m not taking no for an answer. Say you’ll come see me at the shop some time! C’mon, you know you want too…” You smiled, remembering how cute he is when he begs. Finally, you sighed and agreed, making plans to have lunch together the following day around the same time. He was overjoyed to say the least, finally releasing you so you could hurry back to the office before being late. You hadn’t even noticed your lack of food, your stomach being full of butterflies instead.

The next day at work was oddly hectic. You barely had a moment to breathe, let alone check your phone for the time. You had even forgone the retrieval of morning coffee in favor of making headway on the mess of paperwork that had awaited you at your desk upon arrival. After sending out a retainer agreement and getting started on a surveillance report, you noticed your phone buzzing in your bag. By the time you had rummaged for it, you saw five missed phone calls from an unsaved number. Finding it strange since you never give your phone number out, you realized it might’ve been Jungkook, your lunch date having been long forgotten. You quickly checked the time to see it had been 20 minutes past when you agreed to meet up. You jumped up from your desk and announced you were taking your lunch on your way out of the door. You could hear Moon protesting from down the hall, but you resolved to deal with it later, needing to focus on putting out one fire at a time.

As you jogged down a few city blocks and turned the corner, you noticed Jungkook staring down at his phone while standing in front of his coffee shop. You were littered with guilt at the site of him thinking he had been stood up. Realizing he was calling you again, you answered your phone while walking towards him.

“Y/N!” You observed him begin pacing back and forth nervously, “I was worried I had the wrong number or something…did you forget about today? It’s cool if you did…” You bit back a giggle at his attempt to play it off. By the time he had finished talking you had already reached him, so you hung up and tapped on his shoulder. He lowered the receiver and turned around only to find you staring up at him apologetically.

“So sorry. I lost track of time at the office. Are you still able to hang out?” Jungkook laughed and slipped his phone into his back pocket. Is he blushing?

“Yeah, of course! Would you care if we had pizza?”

“I’d love some, actually.” You two walked down the rest of the block in silence. It was clear there was an elephant in the room that needed to be addressed before you could both chat like old friends. As soon as you both sat down with your food, he began poking fun at you for gingerly dabbing the grease off your pizza with a napkin.

“What are you, too good for us now?”

You rolled your eyes yet your persistent grin only grew in size, realizing it was a habit you had picked up after you two had stopped seeing each other. “Shut up! It’s a good habit to have. You should do it to actually.” You picked up the sliced and took a bite of the tip, eyeing him sternly. He held the eye contact as he shoved half of the slice into his mouth, grease and all, to spite you. You almost spit out your food while struggling to hold back your laughter. His distinct high-pitched giggle was music to your ears, fond memories of hanging out together pre-drama rushing back to you.

Once he finished chewing, he sat back and eyed you carefully. “So, I take it you graduated then? What made you move to the big city?”

You chewed thoughtfully before responding. “I don’t know…I wanted the experience, I guess. What about you though? I didn’t know you had plans to stay in the coffee business.” He flashed you his crooked smile and you could swear your heart stopped in that moment.

“I didn’t, actually. It just kind of happened. The opportunity presented itself when my lease was up, so I took the plunge. Wanted a change of scenery too I guess, lots of memories I couldn’t get away from back home.” He looked at you meaningfully before taking another bite of his pizza. You looked away, unsure of what he really meant to say.

“I’m surprised you had the heart to move away from Hobi to be honest. You two were thick as thieves.” His eyebrows shot up at the mention of your ex bestfriend’s name, a sour pucker lingering on his lips.

“Were. He quit the café shortly after you did. I ended up helping Jin run it for a while and hired a whole new staff. That’s where I was really able to get the management experience I needed…anyway…I haven’t really talked to him since. You two just kind of disappeared, it was really lonely for a while to be honest.”

You didn’t know what to say as he spoke so nonchalantly about the matter. On your loneliest nights you had always assumed they were off finding some other girl to play with, even going as far as to hurt your own feelings by imagining Jungkook playing pool with someone else. Never had you once imagined they might be as lonely as you were.

“I actually hadn’t seen Hobi after that either, at least not until a couple months ago. He crashed my graduation party. I was really mad at first but, I’m glad he did. I really missed him, and you, even though you both didn’t even deserve that much from me.”

Your jab made Jungkook smile. “Man, things got really fucked up between us, didn’t they?” He sighed, looking out of the window in thought.

“Yeah, they did…” Neither of you spoke for a while. You picked at your pizza, your appetite long gone.

“You found out about the bet, didn’t you?” His question caught you off guard.

“Yeah, I did. But we don’t have to talk about that, really. It’s in the past, right?’ You smiled at him then checked your watch, realizing you only had a few minutes to get back to work.

Jungkook watched you collect your belongings dejectedly. “It is, but at least let me show you I’m not as stupid was I was before? We used to have fun together, you have to admit.” You didn’t respond to him as you were in a hurry to dash out of the pizza shop as you had the day before. Jungkook hurried to your side and grabbed your arm before you could yank the glass door open. You turned around to find him inches away, his tormented eyes searching yours.

“Jungkook—”

He cut you off before you could protest fully. “Y/N, I’m truly sorry that I hurt you. You didn’t deserve it.” You tried to wrench your arm out of his grasp but failed. He was determined for you to hear him out. “Look, we were colossal assholes, I know this. And you don’t have to agree to be my friend again or even forgive me, but just… let me see you again. I really fucked up with you and I want to make it right.”

You sighed as he finally let you go, slinging your bag over your shoulder and blinking tears away. “Jeon Jungkook, are you ever going to stop reappearing into my life and having to apologize every time?” You watched him rub his neck before looking down at you with those big doe eyes again. You smiled, feeling like the worst was over.

“This’ll be the last time, I promise.” The resolve in his voice and stare shook you, the notion striking you as both genuine and romantic as hell. Still, you had to admit you might’ve been inclined to think any grand declarations on his part were less than innocent.

You sighed and pulled the door open to the pizzeria, but before you left, you told him to give you a call sometime.

Jungkook didn’t waste any time in giving you a call. In fact, your phone began vibrating on your way home that same day. You thought it odd that he’d know exactly when to call you, but a second of clarity had you looking across the street and meeting his eyes. He waved at you from the coffee shop windows and you couldn’t help the goofy smile on your face as you crossed the street.

“Hey!” You greeted him breathlessly upon entering the small establishment.

“Heading home?” he busied himself with checking off items on a keyboard.

“Yeah. I just got done work so…”

“I’m actually wrapping up here now so, I’ll walk you. Give me a few minutes.” His proposition made you nervous but you agreed nonetheless, waiting for him outside of the shop to avoid the curious stares of his employees. Within minutes, you were both walking in the direction of your apartment in the most painstakingly slow pace. The sun was casting a fiery golden glow on everything it touched upon its descent, including Jungkook’s stunning features. You tried not to look at him too much, afraid you might give away what was lying beneath the surface of your hesitation to let him in again. It eluded you how you could still be so into him after all this time and after so much history. You remembered something your mom had told you long ago, about long-time crushes being signs of love. You scoffed at the idea of being in love with Jungkook.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook turned to you, mirroring the humor on your face. The thought of telling him what you were truly thinking had you chuckling aloud.

“It’s nothing. Just something funny that happened at work. Anyway,” You looked up and saw your apartment building come into view, “Do you want to come up really quick and see my new place? Normally I don’t invite people up but, it’s only fair given that you invited me to your housewarming.”

“Wow, I am honored. Truly.” Jungkook’s sarcasm had you shoving him playfully, earning a fit of laughter from the boy. As you two paused in front of the steps to your place, you both turned to each other. You were taken aback at the look of indecision on his face. He pressed his mouth into a hard line as he took turns looking at you, then at the entrance to your building, then down the block. “I uh, can’t. I’m sorry…lunch tomorrow though? We’ll go someplace new.”

“Oh, um, sure.” You weren’t sure what to make of his refusal to come up with you, but you decided not to pry, although you were feeling a little rejected deep down.

“You won’t forget me this time?” He smiled at you cheekily and bit his lip, looking at yours for a brief moment then focusing on your eyes with a gulp.

You giggled and tucked some hair behind your ear. “I won’t! I promise.” He watched the door close behind you before setting off down the block and away from view.

As you threw your bag and blazer onto the couch and flung your shoes off, you immediately skipped gleefully towards the bathroom to run a bath.

You and Jungkook had made it a habit to have lunch together every day at the same time after your pizza date, much to Moon’s amusement.

“Heading out?” She spoke up as you passed her desk on your way out. You turned on your heel to look at her curiously.

“Uh, yeah. On my lunch break. Did you need anything?” She got up from her chair to sit on the edge of her desk, eyeing you with a mischievous glint in her stare.

“So, you’ve started wearing perfume every day to eat pb and j sandwiches on the bench outside, alone?” She lowered her glasses and tipped her head towards you, knowing exactly what to do by now to push your buttons.

You rolled your eyes then perked up. “Wait, how do you know that’s what I used to do for lunch?” The girl laughed at your innocent question.

“We have windows, you do know that, don’t you? And I’m assuming this is the same person you’ve been texting nonstop with a big smile on your face?” She turned to Gladys who was surprisingly paying attention to you two bicker, for once. “I think someone’s got a boyfriend, don’t you?”

“I reckon she does!” Both of them started hollering in laughter. You blushed, checking the time and avoiding their patronizing stares. You began opening the door before Moon piped up again, causing you to pause at the door one last time.

“Go get ‘em tiger! Don’t let him get away!”

Just as any other day as of late, you exited through the downstairs doors and began merrily walking towards Jungkook’s café. You two certainly weren’t completely back to the way things were before, but you felt a great deal of joy in his company as you had before and even looked forward to your time with him every day. It was nice to have someone to explore the city with, even if it was at short intervals. But it was also nice to have a friend in such a big lonely place. Having Jungkook nearby was great. For instance, just last week the weather began to drop dramatically since it neared October. Your air conditioning was still installed and making your apartment cold at night, so you convinced him to come over after work and remove it. It didn’t take much coaxing on your part, but as soon as it was done, he all but flew out of your apartment, much to your confusion and disappointment yet again. You were starting to think something was up, but you didn’t want to come off as whiny or anything, so you never brought it up. Besides, you two weren’t exactly dating or even officially friends, simply old acquaintances catching up. It felt out of place to bring up something like that. Still, you couldn’t deny how things had started to feel as of late. It was odd at first, interacting with Jungkook regularly completely devoid of sexual tension, given how you two started all those years ago. But lately you’d catch him looking at you in a way that was anything but friendly, to which he’d get flustered and pretend it never even happened. You weren’t used to this version of Jungkook, being well acquainted with his overly cocky and flirtatious mannerisms. You wondered if he assumed you were still mad at him, and if that’s why he was going out of his way to be respectful and not hit on you in the slightest. You couldn’t lie and say the idea of him flirting with you again like he used to didn’t excite you, but you also wanted to keep a level head about the situation. You hadn’t been with anyone since that fateful night, and you were homesick above all else, so you didn’t want to jump into Jungkook’s arms and regret it afterwards.

But what if Moonbyul was right? What if you didn’t take the risk of talking to him about your feelings and end up losing out on an amazing guy?

As you turned the corner, you saw Jungkook waiting outside of the shop as per usual. He was already facing your direction, so he instantly saw you from afar and waved shyly at you. You smiled, feeling how warm he made your heart feel, and resolved on making a move, somehow someway.

“Hey, you.” Jungkook beamed as he looked down at you, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Hey,” You smiled back, looking down to hide the blush forming on your cheeks, “What’s on the menu for today?” He was wearing the same leather jacket you often saw folded up in his work cubby and it made your heart palpitate.

“How’s Korean barbecue sound? I know a good spot not too far from here.” You perked up at the proposition and began walking together towards the restaurant while making light conversation. By now, you had both gotten into the rhythm of taking turns talking about work or what new Netflix anime you had discovered that week. Since it had been so long since you’d seen your family or friends from school, hanging out with Jungkook like this was especially nice.

As you sat at the restaurant and listened to Jungkook talk animatedly about some new coffee beans he had ordered for the shop, you decided to cut him off, Moon’s words of encouragement echoing in your mind.

“Jungkook…” The boy looked up at you with wide eyes and a mouth full of food. You smirked at the sight, feeling calmer somehow. “Why…don’t you ever want to hang out at my house? Or invite me to your place for that matter?” Jungkook finished swallowing his food and put his chopsticks down, realizing what you were getting at. “N-Not that it’s a problem or anything! I just, wanted to know…” You tried to backtrack after watching his expression turn grave.

“I’m actually seeing someone and I’m…I don’t want to—”

“Oh... Okay,” You began stabbing at your noodles with your chopsticks to dissimulate from the sheer shock. You hadn’t considered he was taken in the slightest. I’m so stupid.

Jungkook watched you warily, his own eyes wide as he hurried to do damage control. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s just casual sex, but still I---”

“You don’t have to explain, really! I understand. It was just a question, Jungkook.”

“Y/N…” You finally looked up at Jungkook to see the pity evident in his gaze which somehow cut deeper than the realization that you had already lost him. You felt your eyes begin to water, so you started grabbing your purse and jacket to leave. As you sprinted towards the door, you heard Jungkook calling out to you and garnering the attention of the entire restaurant. You couldn’t stay behind to listen to what he had to say. You know he wasn’t the bad guy, but it made you feel better thinking that he was instead of admitting that you had started to foolishly get your hopes up again. You sped walk back to work, tilting your head up to deter tears from falling and ruining your eyeliner. As a result, you bumped into someone at the corner in front of your office building and dropped your purse, spilling all of its contents onto the pavement. Squatting down and apologizing profusely, you began to cry. A pale hand began helping you pick up your things amongst the crowd of pedestrians.

“Jesus new girl, I take it your date didn’t go so well?” You paused to look up, realizing it was Moonbyul you had bumped into. You began full on sobbing as she patted your head and helped you up. She held you close to her as you two entered the building, not saying anything more on the matter but handing you a tissue once you got back to the office and leaving you alone for the rest of the day to sniffle at your paperwork in privacy.

You hadn’t met up with Jungkook again after your embarrassing display of emotions that afternoon. It had now been weeks without so much as a text from him and just as before, you were both grateful and dejected about the current state of affairs. As a result, you found yourself on the couch with a pint of ice cream in your hands on a Friday night, watching the same romantic comedy you always did when you were feeling bad for yourself. It was a bit of a ritual at this point. You weren’t proud of it, but it brought you too much comfort to quit it, especially when you never had any plans on the weekends anyway.

As you shoved a spoonful of rocky road into your mouth and lip synched to the script of the movie verbatim, the buzzing of your phone caught you off guard. When you flipped it over and saw Jungkook’s name on the screen, you nearly choked on your desert. What the hell!? Feeling oddly suspicious, you grabbed your phone and headed over to your window only to find that Jungkook was, indeed, outside. Your heart sank, feeling déjà vu mixed with panic. You weren’t ready to see him again after your last catastrophic encounter, and certainly not while wearing a ratty old hoody and a sad topknot. As you let the phone ring in your hand and watched him from above, he looked up and made eye contact with you. You cursed yourself for not drawing the curtains as he mimed towards his cell phone. You picked up the call and held it to your ear but didn’t say a word.

“Buzz me in.”

“No, go away Jungkook.

“I want to see you. Buzz me in right now.”

“NO!”

“Yes! Or else I’ll stand out here all night, I swear I will Y/N.” You groaned and hung up, trudging over to the intercom box on your wall. With the push of a button, Jungkook was ascending the stairs three steps at a time, giving you no chance to change or even tidy up your apartment. Three loud knocks disturbed the solitary peace in your small studio apartment. You groaned again, hesitating on opening the door. When you finally decided to do so, you put the chain on the door so that it could only open a few inches.

He held back a grin when he saw what you did. You peaked through the gap in the door with a quirked eyebrow. “Why are you here Jungkook?”

“Why are you mad at me?”

You rolled your eyes and sighed, this conversation not getting any less painful than it would’ve been weeks ago when the embarrassment was still fresh. ”I’m not! I’m mad at myself. You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? So, you can go now.” Jungkook stopped you from attempting to close the door, keeping his hand above the bolt and leaning in so his head was close to yours.

“Then why does it feel like I fucked up somehow? Please just let me in so we can talk properly?”

“What part of no don’t you understand?! You should go now, she’s probably waiting for you.” Jungkook sighed and bumped his head against the side of the door, already exhausted with the conversation.

“I told you, it’s not like that! It’s not like…” Jungkook stopped himself, looking down at the floor but you weren’t going to let him get off that easily.

“Like what? Like us? Is that what you were going to say?” Jungkook looked back up at you, torment evident in his eyes.

“Yes! Okay? Like us! We were the real deal, whether you want to admit it or not. You may not have thought it, but I sure as hell did.”

Your lips quivered as you stared at him, your eye contact hard and emotional. “Are you implying that I didn’t care about us?! Are you serious!? Jungkook I was so broken up about everything! Hell, I still am! But I’m a real idiot, falling for the same person over and over again despite it ending the same way each time.”

“Oh please,” Jungkook scoffed bitterly, fighting with himself for finally saying everything he had always wanted to but couldn’t, “Y/N you broke my fucking heart into a million pieces when you just dropped me from your life like nothing. Without giving me a reason, you just moved on and left me behind. I was so fucking in love with you, since before I had to move away. And the crazy part is that I still am!” Jungkook’s voice began breaking as tears silently spilled down your cheeks. You pressed your hand against your mouth to stifle your sobs. “But just when I finally start to move on, you show up again and make it impossible! Even though I tried hard to keep things platonic, I can’t help myself. I’m the real fucking idiot here.”

Your fingers shook as you undid the chain from the door. You opened it and took a second to speak so your voice wouldn’t waver. “Don’t say you’re in love with me if you’re not. I can’t take it if—” Jungkook pushed the door open and crashed his lips onto yours in one motion, effectively cutting off your sentence and taking your breath away all that once. He held your face with both hands as your tears continued to spill, your knees giving out from the intensity of the kiss. Thankfully, Jungkook reacted by taking hold of you by the waist and carrying you over to the couch. He sat down and placed you on his lap. You refused to break the kiss, relishing in its sweetness as your fingers knotted themselves in his soft hair.

“Stop crying.” Jungkook spoke in between kisses, wiping your cheeks only to find fresh tears spilling anew.

“I can’t help it!” You sobbed which made Jungkook chuckle softly. He kissed your forehead and laid your head on his shoulder, rubbing your back and your head to soothe you until you were only hiccupping.

After a while of laying on him and listening to his heartbeat, you sat back on his lap to face him, knowing you probably looked like the hottest mess to ever walk the earth, but decided nonetheless to throw caution to the wind. “Is it really okay that we’re doing this? I mean, you’re seeing someone…”

“I was. I broke things off weeks ago after you ran out on me. I figured that wasn’t the reaction of someone who didn’t care, and if I had any chance of getting you back then I didn’t want anything to ruin it.”

You nodded thoughtfully and continued on. “Why did you make that stupid bet?”

“Because I didn’t want to lose you. I was stupid enough to think you might wait for me when I left, and when I found out you were with Hobi…I don’t know… It made me absolutely crazy. I didn’t want to risk driving you away by confessing how I felt, especially since I was under the impression you weren’t that into me, so I tried to act cool about the whole thing. I should’ve never accepted that bet.” Jungkook let his head fall onto the back of the couch with a thud.

You took both of his hands in yours and squeezed them. “I think I get it now…but from now on, let’s just be open and honest about how we feel, yeah?” Jungkook smiled and nodded, looking back up at you with that dreamy gaze you loved so much. You couldn’t help kissing him again, but this time, you didn’t cry. You two continued making out on your couch, feeling no need to talk or interrupt for any reason. It was as if you two were making up for all the lost time, sharing sweet and tender kisses that mended your broken hearts. When you grew sleepy, he carried you to your bed and let you lay down on his chest until he heard your breathing even out. After checking to make sure you were actually asleep, he slipped out of your apartment quietly, leaving you to awaken the following morning to an empty bed. You almost started to believe it was all a very cruel dream since there were no signs of him being in your apartment last night, that is until you received a good morning text from him explaining he had to be at the coffee shop for shipment early the next day. Your heart was instantly full, realizing that Jungkook loved you after all. You finally felt ready to admit to yourself that you were in love with him too, and for the first time in a long time, you felt like you could breathe again. You buried your face in your pillow and screamed. You just couldn’t believe it.

You spent the rest of the day humming and prancing around your apartment while doing chores. Never in your life had you ever been in such a good mood while scrubbing floors on your hands and knees. You knew it was lame to be this excited about Jungkook coming over after the shop closes, but you couldn’t help yourself.

However, by the time you buzzed him in, you had deep cleaned your entire apartment, washed your sheets, placed lit candles on every surface in your apartment, painted your nails and watched them dry, watched a movie, and took a nap on your couch. He was 3 hours late and it was enough to put a damper on your wonderful mood.

As you heard him running up the stairs, you yanked the door open and instantly began berating him, but it didn’t last long since he didn’t waste any time on kissing you as soon as you began.

“Jungkook, wtf! Mm… It’s 1:00 in the morning! Mmm…Where—” He took you by the waist and pressed his lips against yours, walking you back into your apartment and kicking the door shut behind him. You tried to protest in between kisses, but each one was sweeter than the last, ultimately resulting in you melting in his arms and letting him have his way with you.

Eventually, he broke away and looked around at the dimly lit setting. “Wow, it smells really good in here!”

“Jungkook!” He laughed childishly as he watched you struggle to maintain a pout. He knew you were no match for his charms.

“Don’t be too mad! I’m really sorry. I had a ton of coffee spill on me right before close, so I had to go home and shower then come back. I ran as fast as I could.” He brushed his nose up against yours, coaxing a smile out of your stern face in the cutest way possible.

“Don’t you live around here?” You stared up at him in confusion as you ran your fingers through his damp hair.

“No, I live in another borough. Nothing was available within price range in this neighborhood when I first got to the city. Now can I continue kissing you?” He flashed you his crooked smile as his arms tightened around your waist. You pretended to be in deep thought about the proposition, so he tickled your sides as punishment for keeping him waiting. You squealed and laughed, struggling against his immovable hold on you.

“Okay, Okay! But, kiss me where though?” You giggled at the boy’s theatrics. He paused dramatically mid assault on your squishy sides, then looked up at you questioningly. When you quirked a brow at him, he reached down and picked you up from your thighs, hooking your legs around his waist as he carried you both to your bed. You laughed as he threw you down onto the bed, making haste to remove his shoes and shirt. It was genuinely entertaining to watch him so excited to have sex with you, but when you observed the way his body had changed under his clothing since the last time you saw him naked, your laughter died in your throat. He shot you the cockiest smile as he undid his pants and let them pool around his ankles. You watched him climb onto the bed in between your legs in nothing but his Calvin Klein underwear.

“Do you need help with this?” He bunched the bottom of your oversized shirt in his hands. Your mouth went dry at the feeling of your arousal pooling in your underwear, so you bit your lip and nodded. He carefully pulled your shirt over your head and removed your shorts. Once you were both in your underwear, he placed both hands on either side of you and leaned down, attaching his lips to yours once more.

Your heart was beating furiously in your chest, your fight or flight instincts trying to kick in. You closed your eyes, trying to stay in the moment with him. Jungkook could feel you stiffening at every touch, so he took a moment to look at your face and ask if something was wrong.

“Nothing, I’m just nervous. I know it’s dumb, since this won’t be our first time…but it kind of feels like it is, you know?” Jungkook sat back on his heels and thought for a moment.

“If you’re nervous I’ll leave again, I won’t. I’m here to stay, if you’ll let me.” He took your hands in his and kissed the back of your palm softly. Your heart squeezed at the display of affection. “I want to be with you, for real this time. And if you’re not sure how you feel about us yet then we can take our time. We don’t have to—”

“If there’s anything I’m sure about right now, it’s that I love you, too. And I want this just as much as you.” Jungkook froze again for the second time. He seemed to need help on maneuvering the situation going forward, so you got on your knees and placed a tentative kiss on his lips. He responded immediately, dwarfing your cheeks with his large hands as he kissed you back hungrily. You pushed him back onto the bed and climbed on top of him, having found the confidence you needed to finally open your heart to him. He glowed in the aftermath of your confession, unable to hold back his bunny smile no matter how much you kissed him. His joy was contagious, causing you to plant cheerful and impatient kisses down his chest. Before you could reach his navel, he flipped you over and took hold of both of your hands.

“Mm, no. You first, I want to make you feel so good for making me the happiest man on earth just now.” You blushed as he spread your legs apart, feeling how sticky your underwear already was. He looked at you as he took hold of your panties, waiting for you to nod before he slid them down your legs. When he opened your legs again, Jungkook whistled at the sight of you dripping for him which made you want to close them but his overpowering strength didn’t allow it.

He palmed your sex, watching you lustfully as he did and with a tentative finger, began massaging your folds to feel just how wet you were for himself. He hissed as his fingers glided effortlessly up and down, spreading your juices around. You blushed even further, biting your lip to stifle a moan.

He pulled your worn-out lip from your teeth with his thumb. “Don’t hold back, I want to hear you.” You nodded silently, bucking your hips towards his hand for more. He smiled, sliding a finger into you. He circled around inside of you as you moaned, stretching your walls out a bit. He slid his finger in and out of you a few times before adding a second, earning a louder moan on your part. You loved his ministrations, losing yourself in the assembly of pleasure building up as you threw your head back and closed your eyes. When he curled his fingers inside of you in a ‘come hither’ motion, he leaned in, focusing on the way your facial expression contorted with pleasure. You grabbed onto his shoulder for dear life as your orgasm snuck up on you with just a few flicks of his wrist, causing your legs to shake under the steady hold of his hand. His fingers were drenched as he pulled him out of your sensitive core. You lay panting in a sheen of sweat as you watched him sink down in between your legs and plant a few kitten licks on your clit.

“Ah, fuck Jungkook!” You twitched with each lick, but overstimulation and all, it felt too good to ask him to stop. You muscled through the discomfort since his sloppy wet kisses to your core fueled your desire for more. Your walls eventually began clenching as fresh arousal began pouring out from you. You would have stained the bed sheets if Jungkook wasn’t lapping every bit of you up with his tongue. “I want you to fuck me.” You looked down at him expectantly, but he simply shook his head and eased his tongue into you. You fell back onto the bed with a plop, deciding that he was getting off on making you exceedingly needy for his dick. You pleaded in between moans, their succession increasing with every flick of his tongue. You no longer felt sore but rather ready for more, longing to be filled up. Your pelvis twitched, a telltale sign that you’d be cumming in a matter of seconds. Jungkook’s lips sealed themselves to your clit as she sucked on you eagerly. You grabbed handfuls of his hair and squeezed his head with your thighs as you came impossibly harder than you did before. He licked at your folds throughout your convulsions, lapping every last drop until your legs sank onto the bed. You rested your hands on your heaving chest, smiling sleepily and thanking him. The last thing you saw and felt before you drifted into unconsciousness was Jungkook coming to lay beside you and softly sifting strands out of your face.

When you awoke, it was three in the morning and you were sprawled out in the middle of the bed, leaving Jungkook to curl into a ball at the corner and fall asleep. Your chest tightened at the sight of him, feeling bad for not having made room before dosing off. You gingerly nudged him until you heard him breath extra deeply and stretch out. He looked up at you and smiled. How he looked so sexy with bed head and sleepy eyes, you’d never know. You brought him to the center of the bed with you, planting a kiss on his lips though it evolved into something more, his raging boner from before pushing up against the fabric of his briefs and into your thigh. You broke away from the kiss and looked down, bringing your hand down to his clothed erection and palming it sensually. He bit his lip and pushed his boxers down his muscular thighs, not wanting to waste any more time not being inside you.

You massaged his leaking cock as he positioned himself above you, rubbing the head of his member along your folds for lubrication. When you began leaking again while squirming underneath him. He pushed against your entrance, meeting a bit of resistance but not stopping until he reached the hilt. You both sighed in contentment as your walls hugged him tightly. He looked down at where you two were connected, then up at your face, smiling groggily.

“What?” You couldn’t help but smile too, reveling in the intimate moment in the early morning between the sheets with your dream guy.

“Say it again.” He looked down at your lips then at your eyes, holding his position without moving an inch out of you.

You furrowed your brows, unsure of what he was talking about at first. After looking at that bunny smile forming on his face, you realized exactly what he was asking for. “Ohhh, you mean the L word.” You giggled teasingly. “Hmmm…nah, I don’t think I will.”

Jungkook’s mouth set into a hard line before resolve set his eyes ablaze. “That’s okay, I can always make you.” Your eyes widened as he threw your legs over his shoulders and leaned down, bringing your knees to your chest. The new position allowed his cock to pump into your g spot perfectly. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing.

You held onto his biceps tightly, your mouth in a permanent “o” as you deeply felt every little movement of his hips. After carefully pulling out of you almost all the way, he thrusted back into you roughly. Your answering cry was music to his ears, inspiring him to set a torturous pace in his mission to get you to say the four-letter word. When he noticed tears forming in the corners of your eyes from sheer pleasure, he ceased rocking into you and dropped your legs in favor laying on top of you and kissing your tears away. His arms caged your head as he brushed your hair away from your face again. You smiled and wrapped your legs around his waist, rubbing his cheek with your thumb.

“You’re really beautiful, you know that?” He spoke softly as he looked at you in earnestness, almost with a sadness that caused his features to sag in the dim lighting of the streetlights shining in through your window. You were speechless, your heart feeling so full in that sweet moment. You looked into each other’s eyes for a while before he leaned down and began kissing you again. His lips were saccharine and addictive as they molded around yours like puzzle pieces. Your tongue slipped into his mouth and he readily accepted it, swirling his own around it in a seductive dance. When the steaminess of the kiss got him sufficiently riled up, his body responded by thrusting into you. You both moaned in unison at how easily he slid from your increased wetness. He looked down again and watched his dick disappearing and reappearing at your core. The fact that Jungkook wasn’t holding back his own moans only served to turn you on more. A symphony of groans filled the room as he picked up the pace, pounding into you without mercy. You watched his muscles contract with each movement before you fell back onto the bed to give into the rising sensation in the pit of your stomach. He turned his attention back to your closed eyes and gaping mouth. His name spilled from your lips repetitively and with conviction as you felt yourself climbing higher and higher.

“Fuck, Jungkook. I love you…I love you… I love you…” You repeated the words he wanted to hear as you came for the third time that night. You encouraged him to cum inside of you since you had long been taking birth control responsibly, and so he did, both of you thoroughly enjoying the feeling of him filling you up inside. When he pulled out and collapsed beside you, you both caught your breaths for a while, eventually turning to your sides to peck each other until you both fell asleep.

Morning came all too quickly, and with it, the departure of the man you were finally able to call yours. However, you didn’t let him go until you had asked him to move in with you. He agreed excitedly to the proposition, marking the start of many milestones you’d eventually reach with the love of your life. Afterall, the considerable loss you both felt in the name of love meant the rewards you’d reap were worth the risk. ♡

[theverakeller]

I love your response to asks about these ships. They're so good. You have the best detailed responses. I have to ask, thoughts on Webgott? When it's done right and not just toxic, that is. I don't think they would be toxic. I think they're both capable of change, but that's just me.

Oh, Webgott? Okay anon, I gotchu. (*starts playing Three Days Grace ‘I Hate Everything About You*)

First off, this is going to sound so dumb but I literally pronounce/read Webgott as “WIEBgott”. Literally do not ask me why when I know it’s WEB(gott) but it’s Wiebgott in my head ok.

Anyway, that’s not important. On the topic of them always being portrayed as toxic as you have pointed out I don’t get it? I mean I do and I think that’s literally just because of what the major scenes we see between them in the show. Like okay, so in “The Last Patrol” Lieb is literally super tired and annoyed and then Web comes along with his “omg hi guys I’m back what’s new wanna go out for ice cream??” attitude after being gone for the Battle of the Bulge in the Ardennes where Easy was literally pushed (past) their breaking point so OF COURSE when Web comes back Lieb is going to to rude and spiteful and DNI WITH ME as we see with him and everybody really. BUT let’s not forget that at the end he’s over there helping Web up into the truck which signals and says in the little Lieb way, hey I’m chill with you dude and that brings me to the NEXT POINT. 

So when they’re both talking in the back of the truck of ‘Why We Fight’ (right?? or is it Points omg I can’t remember but you know what I’m talking about). We see a VERY different Lieb talking to Web. A rested, not resentful that this dude just popped in all wanting to be apart of the gang again after being gone so long. I mean he LITERALLY seeks out sitting next to Web to talk to him to talk about what he’s going to do after the war when he gets back home and then he asks Web what he’s going to do after the war. I mean yeah, he’s like ‘wtf I thought you had finished school’ and his reaction is classic Lieb bc come on after all he’s still Lieb with his sarcasm and brashness but as soon as he sees Web become defensive he immediately backtracks (by asking him what he studied) and trying to make him comfortable. (”You’re right, so the fuck what.”) MORAL OF THIS STORY IS THAT LIEB ACTIVELY SEEKS OUT WANTING TO TALK TO AND HANG OUT WITH WEB AND THEN WHEN HE SEES HE’S MADE WEB MAD HE JUST WANTS TO MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY OK.

So the thing with the German officer in ‘Points’ is another reason why I think the whole ‘love/hate’ (aka weirdly toxic) relationship comes along and dominates people’s hc’s/perceptions of Webgott. BECAUSE as with this episode, we literally only see them together with Lieb being at his most vulnerable and having super heightened emotions. OF COURSE Lieb is on edge and super angry and lashes out at Web when searching for the German officer bc THE DUDE LITERALLY SAW WHAT THE NAZIS WERE DOING TO HIS FELLOW JEWS AT THE CAMP AND HE NEEDS TO HOLD SOMEONE RESPONSIBLE LIKE FAST AND THAT OFFICER IS THE ONE HE CAN HAVE INSTANT GRATIFICATION WITH. Lieb is acting on emotion and Web is thinking things through clearly bc he’s not so tied emotionally into the situation which is I think a brilliant representation of their relationship. Lieb is super brash and acts on emotions like no one’s business. He is a spitfire lbr. And Web on the other hand is more reserved and kind of nonchalant?? and let’s not forget kind of stuck up lmao but it’s okay bc Lieb GROUND HIM and ughhh it’s beautiful ok

So I think really the whole ‘love/hate/toxicness of hc’s I’ve seen in stories, A LOT OF STORIES mind you, is based on the majority of the scenes we have with them and I think people would do well to remember what we are seeing the most interesting/drama filled parts of their relationship. We don’t get to the see those moments were Lieb is soft with Web, BECAUSE I AM SURE HE IS HE GETS MAD AND HOT HEADED BC LIEB BUT THEN REMEMBERS THAT HE LOVES WEB AND DOESN’T WANT TO HURT HIM OR MAKE HIM SAD AND SO HE BACKTRACKS AND DOES EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO MAKE WEB HAPPY AGAIN AND COMFORTABLE AND UGHHH IT’S JUST SO SOFT OKAY. AND WEB ON THE OTHER HAND IS JUST SO IN LOVE WITH LIEB AND THINK HE’S A DOOFUS AND DOESN’T UNDERSTAND WHY HE’S IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT THE TYPE THAT HE THOUGHT HE’D FALL FOR. Web always had an idea of the type of person he would end up with and they would be well educated and rich lmao and put together and safe??? And Lieb is literally quite the opposite but he loves him so much and UGH. They balance each other out. It’s a very give and take relationship and is actually almost as solid as like Winnix in my head bc these two boys just are the two sides of the same coin. And YES they argue and things get heated but it’s not like I’ve read in a lot of fics where it’s like weirdly abusive??? and no that’s not chill THAT IS NOT THE HEADCANONS THAT I HAVE FOR WEBGOTT OK.

ANYWAY, that came out a lot longer than I intended but I have a lot of feelings about Webgott too as you can see and I’ve very rarely seen their relationship done...right? or at least not mildly disturbing and I just want more of their soft moments bc THEY’RE THERE UNDERNEATH ALL THE ARGUMENTS. I MEAN COME ON LIEB LITERALLY FELL IN LOVE WITH WEB THE MOMENT HE SAW HIM BC MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN HE EVER SAW IN HIS LIFE!!!! AND WAS JUST LIKE OBSESSED WITH HIM AFTER THAT. (and as much as he was angry that Web wasn’t there in the Ardennes, he’s grateful) and I’LL STOP NOW.

this was literally like an essay and it wasn’t even fun and full of headcanons but I just had to address the soft Webgott that no one ever talks about.

This was fun anon, thanks for popping in. I weirdly very much enjoy talking about all these ships lmao

[linkspooky]

Hi, I’m Link and it’s time to talk about my terrible / horrible / amazing taste in men. If you are a bastard who is planning to destroy the world because of your unresolved trauma, please call me. Kiss kiss.

Also I’m tagging @thyandrawrites​ and @inumaqi​ who by law have to do this with me. 

Shigaraki Tomura - MY HERO ACADEMIA

“What I really despise is everything. Everything that breathes pisses me off.”

I like how Shigaraki is severely mentally ill. He’s one of the most raw portrayals of an abuse victim.  He murders his abusive father, and the story takes his side. He develops violent tendencies, he refuses to grow up, he can’t forgive. He’s just holding all of his negative feelings inside of him as he slowly rots inside out, and that’s just great.

Shigaraki is so shaped and moulded by his abuse, but he still chooses who he wants to be. He was literally raised in a basement to be a carbon copy of AFO, and yet he’s so different from AFO it’s obvious he could never live up to his Sensei. He’s too bad of a person to ever be a hero, but he’s also too good of a person to ever be the king of evil and what you get is this really chaotic mess in between.

It’s interested to see who Shigaraki chooses to be, in spite of how much he has been indoctrinated towards a cause and how many choices are taken away from him. Despite being a character with supposedly little agency you can see he always tries to fight for his own agency. Don’t deny me. He can’t be with his family even though he loves them, because they’ll never accept him for who he is. Tenko was a kind boy who played with the bullied kids. Shigaraki fights for the people who would never be saved by hero society because he wasn’t saved. He gives them what he doesn’t have, freedom and a place to belong. It’s an interesting character to see how much of him has become the unpredictable ball of trauma that Shigaraki is, while the core of him Tenko still remains in his humanizing moments of how he interacts with the league. Shigaraki who has so many choices taken from him, chooses to reach out and sympathize with the feelings of others, especially those who have been ostracized the same way he has.

Shigaraki is introduced to us as an inhuman  monster, and we see him slowly work his way back from the edge. We see him regain his humanity by coming to care about the people under his wing. It gives you the message that there’s no such thing as a point of no return.

All of the heroes are good people in mha but that feels more like an informed character trait. We’re supposed to root for them because… they’re the heroes, they’re good. They have to look good because they’re the good guys. Shigaraki is allowed to be ugly and unlikable, he gets worse.  But then he still always chooses to fight for ugly victims like him. I like both sides of him, I like the volatile explosive bomb that just wants to blow up and destroy others, and the gentle way he interacts with the rest of the league.

Kumagawa Misogi - MEDAKA BOX

“I want to beat them. Even though I’m not cool, or strong, or just, or beautiful, or cute, or pretty, I want to beat the cool strong just beautiful cute and pretty people.”

Kumagawa is aggressively mediocre. He’s a good for nothing.  He’s like the embodiment of a bad victim,  he blames everyone else, he lashes out. He has nothing but flaws but he still strives to be better than what he is. That’s what so inspiring about his character. Even if you’re miserable it doesn’t mean you have to be having a miserable time about it. Kumagawa will push back against anything, even if the whole world is pushing down on his shoulders.

He has a vibe with his character that even if you’re the worst person in the world don’t run away from who you are. You have to accept yourself exactly as you are without lies or artifice before you can start to improve.  That’s why kumagawa tries to accept the ugliness of people.

He’s very sympathetic with other people, but that isn’t there to make him look like a good person. If anything he always sympathizes with the victim too much and encourages their worst qualities.  At the beginning of the series hes so desperate to heal the wounds of these traumatized, people he’s taken in he just encourages them to lash out because that’s something. Kumagawa is just this very nihilistic, and fatalist character who is somehow at the same time one of the most optimistic characters ever written. He’s a lazy good for nothing, but he tries hard. He’s fickle and childish, but he never gives up. He might never get better, he might always lose in the end, but he still thinks the struggle to win is always inherently worth it. He gives all of himself in everything he does, and to the people around him. And he always gets hurt because of it, but that pain is just living.

He’s completely insane but he’s also living his life the best way he can. There’s just such a manic, insane, and positive energy to his character. Kumagawa will accept you at your worst, and yet he’ll still encourage you to be better. I also like characters written to represent the ugliness in people, and striving to find beauty in that ugliness rather than characters who are just happy all the time because they’re good people.

Natsuki Subaru - RE ZERO

“You think I’m getting drunk on my own tragedy just so I can shut everyone up?”

like how Subaru is a shitty person but not in a really interesting way,  but in a really petty, self absorbed and weak way. I like it because the world doesn’t tolerate his bs, he is continually punished and kicked in the teeth for it. He doesn’t have a tragic backstory before the story begins. His tragic backstory is that he did nothing, made nothing of his life, but he still feels entitled and expects to be rewarded. There’s nothing special about him, but he wants to be treated like he’s special.

I’m usually protagonist-phobic because most stories center around the main character so a lot of the time the world bends to their whims in unnatural ways. Subaru is the main character, but hes not the protagonist, and not even particularly important which is why he’s valid.

Subaru is continually  punished for his mistakes and I love the way we see how trauma changes him and shapes him.  His narrative  reads to me as a metaphor for a mentally ill person with the absolute worst habits constantly struggling to be better despite constant backtracking. That’s why with the constant resets in his narrative, none of his actions ever seem to matter. Even when he makes progress he loses it just as quickly, and the world seems indifferent to his suffering. Because the stroy isn’t actually about the world, it’s about Subaru’s personal journey to learn to be a less shitty person.

Subaru is confronted with the fact that hes a very self important and entitled person and he chooses to grow from that rather than run away. He’s so self aware by this point he knows hes the most annoying human on earth and he owns it.

Doma - KIMETSU NO YAIBA

“From a young age I was kind and clever. I always helped people and made them happy, because that was my mission.”

Doma’s story is hard to empathize with because it doesn’t really look tragic. It’s more like a comedy. He’s smiling the whole way through.

Doma feels like an inhuman monster and he chooses to act that way. Literally everything in this story just tells you he was basically born that way. Doma tells you himself. But like, if you look into his background he was raised in a literal cult. Doma despises the cult, because he could see through it. He could see the adults were using him even as a child. But at the same time Doma’s heart has never really left the cult either. Doma, like everybody else, unintentionally reflects the environment he grew up in.

Doma’s just never been shown real tears or a real smile, so he doesn’t know it. He sees his parents kill each other in front of them, and feels nothing, because they literally never acted like parents to him once. He sees life as empty because to him, it is. And then.

By the time he encounters the real thing it’s too late for him. I just like this part of Doma that’s like, emptily trying to imitate all the other humans around him, and feel the things they feel, and always falling short because of his jacked up sense of empathy. It’s adorable.   Doma doesn’t feel human at all. He couldn’t possibly understand what a normal human being feels because he’s never lived that life. He’s a total human failure. Rather than try to be something he feels like he’s not, he decides to embrace his inhumanity.

Iichan - ZAREGOTO

“Nonsense.”

Iichan is a character who doesn’t want to choose, but wants to be chosen regardless. In other words Iichan has a paradoxical way of thinking about his life. He’s not the main character. He’s not important. So therefore, whatever happens around him he’s not at fault. However, he is the centerpiece of a tragedy. He’s still important in the sense that all of this tragic suffering is being unleashed upon him. Being the main character of the tragedy means his suffering is important and meaningful, but none of it is ever his fault, and he can’t help it.

That way he avoids ever having to take responsiblity for his actions, or do the hard work of trying to change as a person. He’s a narcicisst, but he hates himself, and he tries to balance out his total egoism by constantly playing up his own suffering and how much he loathes himself. That’s where the main character of the tragedy complex comes in.

What’s interesting about Iichan is that for all the tricks and avoidance he goes through, he’s very self aware as a character. He knows how deficient he is in comparison to others and how his problems really aren’t as important in the grand scheme of things. That’s why it’s interesting to watch all the mental gymnastics he goes through.

Knowing that the author also knows that Iichan is a tool, and clearly frames him as such, I can appreciate the more positive parts of his character. I can know that deep down, despite everything he does want to become a person that’s capable of making the other people in his life happy. He just doesn’t know how.

Hitoshiki Zerozaki - NINGEN

“What a riot.”

Iichan’s equal and opposite force. His boy on the other side of the mirror. What if your reflection in the mirror could talk, and what if it was laughing at you? That’s basically Zerozaki’s character in a nutshell.

Iichan is a character who dwells on his intense mediocrity and desires to be special because of it. Zerozaki is the opposite, he’s been special all of his life and has no idea what a normal life is even like.

Zerozaki is a murderer from a family of murderers and yet he doesn’t enjoy murder. He doesn’t feel its evil or feel a lot of remorse. He feels nothing at all about killing,  he thinks people who kill for pleasure are weird, and kills at random.

What I like about Zerozaki is that he’s way more human and down to earth than his perfect foil iichan even though he’s a murderer. Despite being a psycho killer he makes connections with other killers, his little sister, and ninoumiya. A human failure who’s way too human, and that somehow makes him even more of a failure.

Emiya Shirou / Heroic Spirit Emiya - FATE / STAY NIGHT.

“So as I pray. Unlimited Blade Works.”

Counterfeit. Hypocrite. Holy shit. A fake who knows that his desire to save people doesn’t come from the goodness of his heart, but his own selfish desire to be a hero. Shirou emiya is the only valid protagonist, because he’s an extremely traumatized deconstruction of every protagonist before him. Shirou’s not a good person. Shirou’s barely even a person. He has friends but he doesn’t really feel like he deserves to have them. He smiles, but he doesn’t mean it.

I love how Shirou is so terrible at handling his own trauma that he thinks having a strong sense of justice is a personality.  I love how Shirous need to sacrifice himself makes him an idiot and is something his narrative continually gruesomely punishes. He has one of the most brutal narratives ever, and the writing behind his character serves to highlight how Shirou’s bad decision making not only hurts himself, but literally everybody around him.

I love how Shirou has completely emptied out as a person and feels unable to feel basic emotions because its totally relatable.  He just copes so poorly, but at the same time there’s something beautiful in Shirous struggle to be a good person. Shirou has completely given up on himself as a person, but he still wants to help other people, and so he keeps trying.

Getou Suguru - JUJUTSU KAISEN

“I hate monkeys.”

Some villains just want to destroy everything for reasons deeply rooted to emotional trauma. I feel like I’m repeating myself here.

I like characters where empathy is a dangerous quality to have. Getou is driven to villainy because he cares, overwhelmingly so. He cares about people’s individual agency and freedom and rights to be happy and sees the world stomp on it. His breaking point was that he wanted a girl who had been raised as a literal human sacrifice for the system her entire life to be able to live out the rest of her life free as a person, and being completely powerless and unable to help her as she was killed. Getou was struck in that moment by the inherent unfairness in the world and it broke him.

Empathy is such a debilitating flaw for Getou that he literally has to decide certain people  are human and disqualify others from being human so his brain doesn’t completely break. Being a decent caring guy in Getous world breaks you.

Getou tries so hard not to care,  to be the maniacal laughing villain he claims to be, but his empathy is the one part of his brain he can never shut off. Even as the most hated man in the world he protects weak and exploited people and takes them in as a family. He does everything he does to make a better world for the people he cares about, and that’s why he’s so broken because the ones he doesn’t care about he’s completely fine with sacrificing en masse.

Akechi Goro - PERSONA 5

“JUSTICE?! RIGHTEOUS?! KEEP THAT SHIT TO YOURSELVES! YOU AND YOUR TEAMMATES PISS ME OFF!!”

I like Goro way more for his potential rather than what we see in canon, but there’s a lot of strong ideas his character is written with. I love the idea that Goro wants to be a good person, wants to be connected to others, but is far too dmaged and because of that

He can only pretend to be a good person and play people pleaser to others. he’s someone who desires at the core of his being to be righteous, and failing that he becomes self-righteous instead. I just love how thoroughly fake he is as a person, and how that makes him covet the real thing.

I also love the insane, twisted and obsessive part of Akechi. I love how much he hates the world for rejecting him, and how much of his actions are just petty revenge on the world, his father, every single person who rejected him. I love him when he’s at his most desperate, when he’s screaming at the people he’s trying to kill asking them why nobody wants him around even though he’s famous and popular.

Ogata Hyakunosuke - GOLDEN KAMUY

Walk your own wild path. Straight and true.

Ogata is a character that is somehow incredibly complex and nuanced character with tons of carefully written development in story, and also a character you have no fucking clue what’s going on in his head. Basically, Ogata is a masterpiece.

Ogata feels like the other half of the story. Sugimoto acts,  Ogata reacts.  Sugimoto chases, Ogata evades.  We are uncomfortably deep in Sugimotos head, but we only catch brief glimpses of Ogatas moments of Frank honesty. The entire story is about Sugimoto and Ogata chaisng after each other and everything else seems incidental sometime. Ogata’s not the main character, but he’s the other half of the heart of the narrative that’s about these really, really bad murderous men who are deeply broken trying to find a way to live in a world without war.

Its not that Ogata is unfeeling it’s that he never allows himself to feel. What other characters lost during the war, Ogata never had in the first place. He sees himself as deformed and malnourished compared to everybody else. Ogatas always been noticing the difference between - himself and others.Even if he wanted to love his brother he kept comparing himself to his father’s beloved son, and realizing how much he lacked. He just kept being reminded over and over again what a child who was loved could have turned out as.  Eventually Ogata convinced himself he was unfeeling. Because somehow that’s easier. He can process everything that happened in his life if he’s detached from it all watching from a tree somewhere.  He’s so repressed he doesn’t allow himself to feel guilt about his brothers death because he doesn’t view himself as a person capable of loving another. However, just like Sugis desire is to be saved from the hell of war deep down theres a kid in Ogata who wanted to be a good son

Ogata is basically my main point of investment in Golden Kamuy, I just want to see him unravel like a big ball of yarn.

[cake-writes]

Compromise (Part Eight)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Story Warnings: Mom!Reader, Dad!Bucky, Ex-Relationship, Co-Parenting Drama, Slow Burn, Angst, Fluff, Separation Anxiety

Summary: You didn’t want to trust him again, because every time you did, Bucky broke your heart just a little more. Deep down, though, you wanted to get along with him. You wanted to be amicable. You wanted your daughter to know her father. You’d always wanted that. It just required a compromise.

Interlude #2 / Master List / Spotify Playlist

“His phone’s broken.”

A simple explanation to be sure, but it set you off.

You were thankful that Steve had said it over your phone with you miles away from the compound, otherwise you may very well have stormed into the communications room and ripped Bucky a new one over the air. In fact, you still had half a mind to, but you didn’t. He’d been sent to Malaysia, apparently: a mission halfway across the globe. What difference would it make?

The worst part was that you sent Steve a bunch of panicked texts until he finally rang you back. Even his response was delayed, because he was busy, too – busy cleaning up his best friend’s mess, just like the last time. That shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but it did.

Of course it did. You let your guard down.

Why hadn’t Bucky just asked someone to keep you in the loop?

It was a simple ask, really, and something he should have done days ago. Instead, he put you in a bad spot – made you worry about him, made you overthink, made you feel like this past weekend was just a fluke, and maybe it was.

One step forward, two steps back.

Needless to say, when Bucky finally showed up on your doorstep, you nearly slammed the door in his face. The only thing that stopped you was the apologetic look in his eyes, although the small bouquet of daisies in his hand might have helped a little, too.

“You’re an asshole,” was the first thing out of your mouth.

He winced. You didn’t apologize.

“We can’t make this work if you don’t communicate with me, Bucky.”

“I know,” he admitted, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “I’m sorry.”

How many times had you heard that before?

“I’m not going to keep chasing after you for answers like this,” you told him, just a hint of bitterness seeping into your voice. “I shouldn’t have to. And I shouldn’t have to ask your friends, either.”

Bucky’s adam’s apple bobbed at your harsh tone, but no words came. You thought he looked conflicted, almost, like he wanted to say something, maybe defend himself like he was so wont to do, but he held it back. Instead, he took the tongue lashing and didn’t even try to argue – a stark contrast to how he used to be.

What’s more was that he agreed with you, and that was the biggest surprise of all.

“You’re right. I should have asked someone to let you know. I’m sorry.”

That was when you noticed just how much he’d changed over the last two years. Then again, so had you.

You stared at him for a moment, hard and resolute, before you finally stepped aside to let him in. Bucky met your eyes with an unspoken question – are you sure? – but the only thing you responded with was an aggravated sigh as you retreated back into the house.

You left the front door wide open for him, left the ball in his court.

The soft click of the door closing, along with the heavy footfalls of his boots against tile let you know that he’d accepted your invitation.

Reaching into one of the kitchen cabinets, you retrieved a small vase for the flowers, doing your best to ignore the slightest flutter of appreciation in your chest. He’d remembered that you liked daisies, even if he had only ever bought them for you as an apology. That, at least, hadn’t changed.

No, that wasn’t true. He got you some on your first anniversary, too. Your only anniversary.

“How was Malaysia?” you asked, then, short and to the point. An exercise in civility. A difficult exercise. 

When you held your hand out for the bouquet, he immediately gave it to you and you pulled a pair of shears from your knife block to trim the stems.

Another routine.

“Hot,” Bucky replied, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I just got in about a half hour ago.”

Tense. Awkward. Uncomfortable. That was how you felt, but a fraction of the tension faded away at his admission, indirect as it was. He’d come straight here after he got back – hadn’t even changed out of his tac gear, or at least not completely. Handgun holstered at his hip, belt and cargo pants still loaded with knives and ammo, the only thing missing was a thick layer of kevlar.

Hot, he’d said, and you tended to agree. You hadn’t seen him in his gear in a long time, and with the fire of your rage slowly fading to an insignificant smoulder, another fire started to burn.

You blamed it on the fact that you were alone with him – actually alone with him – for the first time in years. You’d already taken Winnie to preschool this morning, which worked out well enough because you didn’t really like the idea of her being around so many weapons, even though Bucky had always taken the utmost care to ensure that she never got into them. 

As for you, well, you’d taken the day off to catch up on errands and housework. How he knew he’d find you at home, you weren’t sure, but for some reason it didn’t bother you as much as it probably should have.

“How’s the car running?” he asked, his own attempt at making terrible conversation. 

“Better than my old one. Thank you.”

Cut and dry, but civil and full of projection.

Stems trimmed, you placed the small bouquet into the vase and filled it with water. Only after you finally met his eyes again did you notice how nervous he seemed to be. With a single look, you could just tell, even if he didn’t say a thing. 

James Buchanan Barnes, so nervous and walking on eggshells because of you. 

More tension faded away at that realization, however, and you felt the corners of your lips turn up in the slightest hint of a smile – one meant not to mock, but to reassure. When you spoke again, your tone was lighter than before and so was your heart. “Thanks for these, too, Bucky. They’re lovely.”

Bucky visibly relaxed upon seeing your smile, his shoulders slumping just a little.

Had he always been this easy to read?

“Can I— Can I take you to lunch?” he stammered, then, and it completely blindsided you. You got the feeling that it might have blindsided him, too; the question seemed a little rushed, like he’d blurted it out before his mind caught up and he quickly scrambled to add, “I know you're busy, and I’m probably the last person you want to eat with, it’s just— I found this little place ‘round the corner a few months back, and—”

Brows raising in amusement, you made a joke to help calm his nerves. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

Bucky swallowed hard and quickly looked away, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

Oh.

Oh.

“No, not unless…” An anxious pause, then, and your heart began to race – at least until Bucky chose not to finish that train of thought. Instead, he cleared his throat and backtracked to a single, “No.”

You felt conflicted, because you knew exactly where that sentence was heading and you half-wished he’d seen it through. The other half of you understood what a bad idea that would have been.

Clearly, so did he.

A quick check of the clock on your wall indicated that it was just after eleven. You’d be free until Winnie’s preschool ended at two-thirty, and, if you were honest, you really had missed him over the last week. You’d started to miss his company, as stupid as it sounded when you’d done just fine without him over the last two years.

“I can do lunch,” you offered, “but I’ll have to leave around two.”

Soft blue eyes widened at first, but then they crinkled up at the corners in the way you’d always loved. Even now, seeing that gorgeous smile made you weak.

The sun shone brightly upon the two of you as you walked side-by-side, leisurely, through the park near your house. Funny that you only used to meet Bucky here for his visits with Winnie, but now it was just you and him.

He’d stripped off the rest of his tac gear before you left, lest he kickstart the mommy group rumour mill. Bucky wasn’t exactly a secret of yours, per se, but being loaded up with weapons was a good way to draw attention. Neither of you wanted that, least of all him because of who he was – who he’d been – and so at your offer, Bucky locked his weapons inside of your bedroom closet.

“It’s safer than anywhere else in the house, right?” you pointed out matter-of-factly. “A locked closet with no windows.”

“Looks like you haven’t completely forgotten my training, then.” 

His teasing tone set your cheeks aflame.

The sound of children’s laughter cut through the air, and you found yourself sneaking glances over at him as the two of you made your way past the playground. The faraway look in his eyes as he watched the children playing gave you pause; at first, you assumed it was because he remembered bringing Winnie here, too.

It wasn’t, you soon learned when he stated abruptly, “I’ve started going to therapy.”

“You—” It took a moment to find your footing with such a jarring reveal of sensitive information. “You have?”

“Yeah.”

Well, that explained a lot. You’d pushed him to go to therapy during the latter half of your relationship, but he refused more than once – so much that you eventually stopped asking. That was around the same time you gave up on him.

After taking a moment to choose your words, you placed a gentle hand on his arm. “I’m... I’m happy for you, Bucky. That must have been a hard first step to take.”

That was what finally seemed to pull him from that faraway place. Your touch. He looked down at your hand, first, and then at you – features soft, almost wistful as he answered, “Yeah. It was.”

And then, silence reigned supreme once again.

You wanted to know more, of course you did, but you didn’t want to pry. Maybe he’d tell you more someday. You hoped he’d tell you someday, but why? It had nothing to do with you. How selfish, wanting to know his innermost secrets. Of course he’d never tell you. It wasn’t any of your business. Not anymore.

The warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips almost burned, you’d missed him so much, and you pulled your hand back to your body, using it as a shield to peer up at the sunny sky. It was a feeble attempt to distract yourself from your thoughts. Even the faint laughter on the wind couldn’t stop you from wishing for things you’d never have. Wishing for him.

Playdates in the park with you, Bucky, and your little girl, just like the smattering of parents always close by the swing set. Commonplace on a beautiful day like today. Normal. Right.

Celebratory dinners when Winnie did well in school, and birthday dinners, too: March for him, and May for her.

Weekends and holidays spent together, an amalgamation of his family’s old traditions and yours.

You and Bucky had planned to make your own traditions, once. Sunday morning pancakes were just the start – sparked by soft, sleepy whispers shared between sweethearts, suggestions of what your little family might do in the future. Ham for Thanksgiving, perhaps, and a Stark-inspired celebration when Winnie graduated from college. The two of you had even talked about the beautiful wedding she might have one day.

Plans made for years away, but the seeds were planted – seeds that withered away. 

Once-forgotten wishes of a life with him now lay at the forefront of your mind, not so easily forgotten this time. No matter how large the star you wished upon, it would never be able to bring the life back to a relationship so stunted in its growth. Not when the water – the love – had run dry.

Today, Bucky had drawn a clear line in the sand between the two of you.

This wasn’t a date. His love had run dry.

Part Nine

[ks-caster]

The Future is Infinite (Chapter 7)

Start || Previous

Chapter-specific warnings: Mild suicidal ideation

“Slow down,” the man who’d been introduced a few minutes ago as Nick Fury demanded, “and start from the beginning.” Octavia resisted the urge to scratch her still-healing burns as Natasha and T’Challa took turns catching the man up on what had been happening with Thanos. According to Bruce (after he’d bravely suppressed a gag at seeing the state of her body) she was healing up at a phenomenal rate, and should be back up to 100% by the end of tomorrow. 

She had taken that as an official release from medical, and had grit her teeth through a painful and ill-advised shower, pulled on another pair of soft pants and a shirt, and had wandered into the introduction and briefing of the former director of SHIELD. She figured it wouldn’t hurt to listen in, if only to get caught up on everyone’s names.

“Shortly thereafter,” Thor was jumping in, “Thanos attacked my ship, carrying the remainder of Asgard’s people as refugees. He slaughtered about half of our number; the other half escaped in pods. While Loki, Hulk and I held them off…”

According to both Wong and Tony, Strange was going to lose it when he woke up and found out that they’d prioritized saving his life over retrieving the time stone. Octavia’s mind replayed those moments over and over, trying to find another angle she could have swung her sword or a way she could have caught up with the fleeing wizard. While she didn’t regret the decision to choose the life of a comrade in arms over an inanimate object, she did know how bad of a thing it was for Thanos to have it. Particularly if the wizard Mordo could use it the same as Strange had.

“...While Wanda was trying to destroy it - we almost lost Vision,” Natasha continued. “If the ship from Phyra hadn’t shown up when it did…”

Steve had looked like he was going to either hug her or cry when he’d caught sight of her upon her return. She’d made a joke about Venus being too hot for a vacation, and when it fell flat, reminded him that the infinity stone made her able to heal. Eventually she’d managed to push off some of the attention on Peter, pointing out how he’d bravely saved her and Valkyrie at the last moment. 

Tony had alternated between worried scolding and beaming pride, and something about the way he and Steve no longer flinched at each other’s presences made her think that someone had forced them to come to an understanding. Maybe it was Shuri, she thought tiredly. She was just glad it hadn’t been her this time.

“And you must be Miss Blake,” the woman who had come with Fury addressed her, holding out a hand to shake. Octavia took it. “Maria Hill, former agent of SHIELD, current hero-wrangler with Stark Industries.”

“Octavia Blake,” she responded, “current human infinity stone.” 

“What abilities does it give you?” Fury asked, somehow managing to look like he was staring her down both with his eye and the patch on his left side.

“So far, I can survive having my ribcage crushed by a titan, and a walk on the surface of Venus; if someone touches me and I don’t want them to, they get thrown across the room” she listed tiredly. “And bonus, when I wish that the floor would open up and swallow me, it actually does.” She focused hard on staying where she was, not wanting to accidentally give a practical demonstration right then and there.

“So in general, not a combatant,” Fury summed up. Half the room raised hands and voices to correct him. Octavia smirked while Fury raised an eyebrow, first at the room at large, and then at her.

“Untrained, then,” Fury corrected himself. Octavia inclined her head, allowing that.

“You happen to have a course available at SHIELD?” she checked, half sarcastic, half wondering what resources they might have. “How to use your infinity stone in 10 days or less?”

“A course, no,” Fury shook his head. “But,” he added thoughtfully, “I do know someone with experience in that area.”

“Actually, so do I,” Rocket realized aloud. Everyone turned to look at him. “Well, not a lot of experience.” he backtracked quickly. “And he can’t do it anymore. But he did pretty good for himself at the time. And he needs something to do anyway.”

“My option is on the other side of the galaxy,” Fury shrugged. “It’ll take her some time to get here.”

“Mine’s holed up in his room down the hall,” Rocket responded.

-0-

Peter Quill was a horrible teacher. 

First, he had no idea what he was doing. His experience was limited to two days living on a planet that was also his biological father (she wasn’t 100% clear on the details there and wasn’t sure she wanted to be). While his ability to control his surroundings sounded a lot like the descriptions she’d gotten of the reality stone’s powers, he understood them about as much as she did - which wasn’t much. 

He also insisted on expressing himself in metaphors based on a culture that Octavia had no context for, and didn’t become at all discouraged by her blank looks and complete lack of understanding. 

“Once again,” she growled, “I don’t know what the force is, or how to use it, I’ve never heard of Krypton, my name isn’t Daniel-san, and I still don’t understand why the thing you want me to do with the power of the universe is bend a spoon.” She held the piece of cutlery up and waved it back and forth between her fingers, thinking that she could easily bend the metal with only her hands. Hardly a god-like feat.

“Look,” Quill growled right back, “the only time you’ve been able to use it is when you were emotional - you wanted to fall through the floor, you didn’t want the King Panther dude to touch you, you were upset and lashed out. Now when I had my powers, they were tied into my emotions too - you don’t fly the arrow with your head,” he choked off, and Octavia bit down on the inner corner of her lips to try to prevent a scowl.

“I don’t know that one either,” she sighed, but stopped there, noticing that he was tearing up. Rocket had warned that he wasn’t terribly stable - his girlfriend had been killed by Thanos hours before he’d landed on Earth. He’d also described the man as funny, irreverent, friendly, and kind of an idiot. A good friend.

Like Jasper, she thought, heart twisting as he tried to make another joke to smooth over whatever he’d been saying about arrows.

“So what you’re saying with all of this is I need to get emotional,” she summed up.

“Not exactly,” he sighed, rubbing a hand across his eyes, ostensibly in frustration, but clearly also to remove the evidence that he’d started crying. “According to Thor, when his ex had it, it protected her when she felt she was in danger. Now the times you described that you used it, you were in danger too - or thought you were. But you’re not in danger here in this room.”

“So I need to… recreate what I was feeling at the time that I used it to defend myself,” she summed up.

“Yes, exactly,” Quill exclaimed. Octavia could feel herself shrinking on the inside. That toxic combination of fear and despair wasn’t something she wanted to relive.

“And you’re absolutely sure that this is the only way?”

“I’m absolutely sure that this is the only way I know of,” he responded, flinging his arms wide, “since I was only a damn deity for about two days, and I’ve only had my hands on an infinity stone for about thirty seconds. And I barely survived both of those things.” He gave her a confused, awed, pitying look with which she was becoming familiar as the people of Terra-Earth learned the various things she’d survived.

“Something something evolutionary next step ,” she said, waving the spoon dismissively. Then she glared at the curved metal, willing it to bend - for the hundredth time that morning, but this time focusing on the fear and pain she’d been feeling when she ran from the medical wing. 

The spoon glinted defiantly at her, a perfect, smooth curve. 

She forced herself to go back into the darkest recesses of her head, tracing the thoughts lurking at the edges of her consciousness, threatening to flood in and consume her if she let her guard down.

Functionally immortal. She’d gone from comfortably courting death, knowing that her final rest was on its way and having faith in all the good that would do her people, to possibly never being released from this life. She’d never see Ethan again. Or Jasper. Or Lincoln. Or her mom. And her people would never truly be free of The Dark Year. The last of the human race wasn’t even the last - just an abandoned test colony. It had all been for nothing, she’d given up her soul for nothing… 

“-Tavia! Octavia, geez, stop! Stop!” Her eyes snapped to Quill’s wide, terrified ones. The spoon stood, perfect and unbothered by her inner turmoil.

“What?” she began to demand, irritated that this man would demand she tear herself apart with emotional pain only to interrupt her before it did any good.

“I think maybe your problem is less about power, and more about… aim,” he explained quietly, pointing off to the side. Turning her head first one way, then the other, Octavia found her eyes going just as wide as his had. 

The columns supporting the room’s roof had all bent down, doubling over in response to her command. She glanced up, noting the red mist holding up the ceiling, and then following the long tail streaming off of it to its source of Wanda Maximoff’s hand.

“Nice catch,” Quill thanked the woman as he stood and dusted bits of plaster off of himself.

Octavia exhaled slowly, making a concentrated effort to calm herself down.

She was accustomed to power. She was accustomed to scaring people.

She was not accustomed to being unable to control those things.

‘The sword doesn’t care what you meant,’ she remembered coldly admonishing Illian, lifetimes ago. ‘It just cuts.’ This power was far more destructive than a sword or a gun, and for the first time in her life, she wasn’t sure if she could stop herself.

“Hey,” Natasha greeted them from the doorway, and three heads swiveled in her direction. “Strange is awake.”

“Awesome,” Quill responded dryly, “he can take over as Mr. Miyagi.”

“About that,” the red-haired agent sighed. “There’s been a complication.”

-0-

“Mordo’s spell was intended to remove his magic at the source,” Wong was explaining as they arrived. “Thanks to Octavia’s timely intervention, he didn’t succeed, but the damage is extensive - and it seems to have reset his memories back to June, 2016.”

“Look, Mr… whatever your name was,” Strange was trying to growl, his hands shaking even more uncontrollably than usual as his voice cracked. “I don’t know who the hell you people are or how I got here, but if someone could quit talking about magical miracle bullshit for ten seconds and call a real hospital, that would be great.”

“I take it June 2016 is prior to him becoming the master wizard we all know and loathe?” Tony sighed, pressing a half-full glass of something brown to his temple.

“Right before,” Wong confirmed. “The last thing he remembers is going to look for Pangborn. We think that that since Mordo’s spell was meant to remove his magic, and said magic is obtained through study and practice, he had to suppress the relevant memories..” 

“What the hell kind of hospital allows this many visitors to pile in at once?” Strange grumbled. “What country is this? And who’s in charge here?”

“Well that’s an unfortunate twist,” Octavia sighed, scrubbing her hands down her face as Shuri introduced herself and started to talk about chemical memories and a bunch of other scientific stuff that the warrior didn’t pretend to understand. They were short one time stone, one wizard, and she still didn’t have a competent teacher. 

Fear froze through her at the familiar thought that she might be on her own in this, carrying a power she neither wanted nor fully understood, again. Was it too much to ask of the universe that she not be alone to carry such a burden? She squeezed her eyes shut, breathing deeply as Wong had instructed her to do when she felt her mind start to slip down that path. 

In, out, Strange’s voice was relieved as he began to realize that Shuri really actually did know what she was talking about.

In, out, this wasn’t her earth, there was no more bunker, no more Blodreina.

In, out, Tony and Steve were discussing how this would affect their plan in low, stressed voices.

In, out, she just needed someone who understood this, who knew what the hell they were doing, she needed she needed she needed she needed so hard that the universe was warping around that need.

She swallowed, clenching her fists against her forehead. Too much, too much power, too much need.

In, out, Rocket was quite vocal about how screwed they were now. Strange was quite vocal - and in a much higher register - about the fact that a raccoon was talking.

In, out, she could feel the power flowing through her, infinity crying out to infinity, the whole universe beneath the soles of her shoes and more, answering her call as it had every time she’d felt cornered and afraid so far. 

Her heart pounded, once, twice. 

Their hearts pounded, once, twice.

In, out, a green-skinned woman was waking up, breathing herself for the first time in a long time, blinking in confusion at the light coming in through Quill’s window as she threw back the curtains and stared at the city below, trying to get her bearings… 

“Octavia!” The hands on her were Wong’s and she realized that she could feel the stone’s power about to throw him off, and reined the impulse in with an iron will, the same as she had the impulses to murder and maim so many times when she was queen. She felt the power rising against her, but she opened her eyes, aiming her fist at the window and letting the burst of red power shatter it. Wong’s hands left her shoulders out of sensible caution - not because she’d hurt him. 

Progress.

“I think I’m getting the hang of this,” she commented blandly.

“So the light show and broken window were on purpose?” Rocket snorted.

“That window could withstand a missile blast,” one of the red-armored warriors who followed the princess around said, her eyebrows up. “If that was on purpose, I’d hate to see an accident.”

“Who the hell gave me LSD?” Strange choked.

“Some guy named Mordo,” Octavia responded flippantly, “I’m sure Wong can fill you in. Rocket, Nebula, with me please.” She turned and walked out of the room, knowing and not knowing where she was going all at once. She felt the stone singing beneath her skin, felt another pulling at her, felt a third pricking at the edge of her consciousness, wanting to wake...

“Uh, where are we going?” Rocket demanded, standing up from all-fours after he’d caught up. 

“Quill’s room I think,” Octavia responded, turning left and descending a flight of stairs.

“Why?” Nebula shot back, not trying to disguise the irritation and disgust in her tone. Octavia threw open the door to the guest hallway, and came face to face with the green woman, dressed in what were probably Quill’s spare clothes, holding two halves of a broken stand lamp like batons. For a long moment, no one spoke. No one moved. No one breathed.

The poles clattered to the floor as Nebula flung herself at her sister.

To Be Continued... 

[dearlazerbunny]

Lie to Me (Ch. 15 of 28)

Pairings: Loki x Reader

Genre/Ratings: M eventually (aiming for a slow burn here); warnings for kidnapping and subsequent anxiety/PTSD (will be marked before every chapter)

Words: 1900

Summary: If you had to guess what the captured, traitor, trickster god Loki Laufeyson wanted or needed at this moment, a babysitter would be far, far down on the list. (Set after the events of Avengers 1.)

SHOUTOUT TO @molmcb and @jessiejunebug, who are the best goddamn ego boosters a girl could ask for

Requested Tags: @deraniel, @iamverity,  @yasnooshka24, @wegingerangelica, @themusingsofmany, @dark-night-sky-99, @tarynkauai, @stuffandstuff-stuff, @angelicshinigami, @my-current-fandom-is, @geekysimmerthings

((So because I don’t know how to use tumblr I JUST realized that copying and pasting tags doesn’t automatically make them active... to my requested tag list, I am SO SORRY! Please forgive me! Also, surprise! Now you have a lot to binge read!))

On the fourth day you fail to visit, Loki lets himself begin to worry.

He wasn’t expecting you back right away, not after admitting just how much of a monster he actually is. But he’s come to have faith in you, to the point where even if you are going to reject him for his crimes- he wouldn’t blame you if you did- he thinks you’d at least do him the courtesy of telling him. So the first day of your absence, he waits, trying to ignore the anxiety in his chest. The second day is spent in self-loathing; the third, hating the universe at large with more viciousness than usual. But the fourth… that’s when he lets a few tendrils of doubt creep into his brain. But not about your potential sudden change of heart- no. That doesn’t sit right with him.

It’s nothing. Most likely, you’ve left, just like everyone else, once realizing the depths of the horror of the man standing in front of you. Most likely, you’re moving on with your life without involving yourself with the villain. Most likely…

Then why does he still feel uneasy?

He glances where he knows a camera is positioned, tucked into the ceiling’s seams. How closely he’s being monitored, he’s never figured out, but he has an inkling that he could hang himself by his hair and no one would bother trying to stop him. So how to get their attention? He has little magic at his disposal, not enough to conjure anything disturbing, and his cell is lacking anything remotely useful.

With a sigh, he hefts his cuffs, twisting his wrists nervously in their prisons, unsure of so many things. Using as much strength as he can gather, the manacles are hurled at the glass barrier with enough force to make his bones ache and his teeth clench.

This may take a while.

X

Thor has never liked scavenger hunts- he lacks the brains for riddles his brother so gleefully loves- but a chase without clues is proving even more frustrating. Every inquiry about your whereabouts is met with indifference or confusion, and his visit to your offices was fruitless, as your colleagues don’t seem capable of anything but stuttering and terror in his presence. It is quite annoying. Why Loki prefers to rule through fear he will never know.

Loki. He sees you every day, from what little he can gather- no doubt he knows of your wellbeing. But he is not allowed passage into his brother’s cell…

“Thor.” A woman’s sharp voice cuts through his thoughts. “What the hell is your brother playing at?”

Ah. Very occasionally, fortune does favor him.

Maria Hill stands tapping a brisk toe. “He’s been intent on breaking out for the better part of three hours now. Can you please go talk sense into him? If there’s any sense there to reason with,” she mutters under her breath.

“Of course. Please, lead the way.”

In the depths of SHEILD, locked behind glass, stripped of his grandeur and posturing, Loki looks more himself than he has in a long time. Thor watches the muscles in his shoulders grind to a halt as he abandons his latest attempt at what looks to be smashing his handcuffs against the barrier. Neither the glass or the manacles are any worse for wear, from what Thor can see, but his brother is noticeably exhausted.

“Thor.” The relief in Loki’s voice is palpable. “You came.”

A small spark of happiness flares in Thor’s chest. When was the last time his brother welcomed his presence? “You wished me to?”

“Obviously.” Loki sets himself down on his cot. His hands rest in his lap, and raw rings of skin peek out from underneath his bindings. “Where is Y/N?”

For a moment, Thor only blinks. “The lady Y/N? Have you not seen her? I wished to ask you the same.”

A dark shadow passes over his face. “No. I have not.”

Maria is looking between the two gods impatiently, clearly not following the conversation. “Y/N? Who are we talking about?”

Something low grumbles in the back of Loki’s throat. “Y/N Y/L/N. An archivist under your employ. She has been- assigned to me, for however long I have been in SHIELD’s grip now.”

Her eyes widen just a hint. “You’re pitching a fit about your babysitter? Is she even still still here?  I would’ve thought you’d have run her into the ground a month in.” The incredulousness in her voice makes both Thor and Loki bristle.

“You do not keep count of those under your care?” Thor asks.

“We keep track of the important ones.” When the atmosphere of the room dampens to the point of stifling at the clench of Loki’s fists and the stretching of Thor’s shoulders, Maria backtracks. “I mean- okay. Get to the point. Why are you worried about her?”

“She has been absent for the better part of four days now,” Loki grinds out from clenched teeth. “And such behavior is… unusual.”

“Aye.” Thor nods. “It is unlike her to remove herself from Loki’s side for so long.”

“Okay- okay.” The agent rubs her temples briefly. Her migraine isn’t getting any better. “I have two semi-immortal beings worried about someone we hired a year ago on a lark. Wonderful. You realize she’s just on vacation or something?”

Loki looks to Thor with a glance that clearly communicates everything he isn’t voicing. “Perhaps I could verify her whereabouts,” Thor says casually, unwilling to alert Hill to his brother’s turmoil. “To ease his mind, if nothing else.”

She sighs. “If it’ll get him to calm down, fine. Go find Stark, he’s been fiddling with the security system anyways.” She leaves mumbling something under her breath, shaking her head and looking like she needs a very strong drink.

Once she’s gone, Loki visibly deflates. “Thor-”

He holds out a hand. “I will investigate the matter,” he says calmly. “I am sure she is fine, brother.”

Loki nods. “Just- be certain.”

It strikes Thor, in that moment, that as meaningful as you are to himself, he has not begun to scratch the surface on your worth to his brother.

X

Stark is, as predicted, sequestered into a room full of glowing screens, his attention on all of them at once. “Sparky the Hammer-Bro. What can I do for you?”

Thor lets his eyes rove over rows of code, none of which he understands. “I need to view security recordings. The Agent Hill said you may help.”

“Uuuuuuuuuuuumsure.” The genius waves a hand, dismissing several rows of numbers. “Anything in particular?”

“Five days ago, roughly. As for what I seek- I believe I will know when I see it.”

Stark raises an eyebrow. “Cryptic. Fun times! Uno momento, por favor.” One by one, computer screens are filled with a past SHIELD, going about its business. It could be any given day- agents roam, papers filed, choice global secrets exposed and others hidden. But Thor zeroes in on the one displaying you and his brother, in some sort of tense conversation. Loki lashes out, and you reply with remarkable composure- enough to apparently reassure him you aren’t going anywhere. In his head, Thor adjusts every opinion of you he’s ever had.

You talk for a while more, underscored by Stark’s idle whistling from the corner. You leave, bag tucked under your arm, and say goodbye to a scant few colleagues. Outside, a car pulls up in front of you, and you go to open the door- only, it’s opened for you, by gloved hands belonging to an unseen being. While they grab you by the arms, another man in a suit is busy administering a blunt object to the back of your skull. You crumple into the waiting vehicle. The door is shut. It pulls smoothly away from the curb, as though you were never there at all.

To Thor’s right, static electricity shorts out a bank of monitors.

And now Tony is talking, leaning in to examine the footage- “Who- wait, isn’t that your brother’s pet? What the hell-?” But Thor is already gone, hurrying in a way that magically clears everyone from his path before he even arrives. Every thud of his heel echoes a crisp and succinct no, no, no, no, no, no

Loki has been pacing, but he pauses to turn his sharp gaze on his brother. “Well?” Thor can’t even open his mouth before green eyes turn deadly. “No.”

Thor’s mouth is suddenly dry. “Brother-”

There’s an inferno behind Loki’s voice, one that Thor has only ever seen herald destruction. “Bring me the director. Now.”

X “Let me get this straight,” Fury drawls slowly, in an obvious effort to try his prisoner’s patience. Even Thor is having to keep his fingers from curling into fists. “Your babysitter- who has apparently stuck around for the last ten months, even though by all accounts she should have run screaming from the room- has been kidnapped by a mysterious force, and you want me to release you in order to go on a harebrained rescue. Unchaperoned.”

“Yes.”

Fury snorts. “No.”

“I would be with him,” Thor argues, “and I would not let him-”

“-escape off-world with his magic in tow? Pardon me if I’m not inclined to believe you.”

“You don’t understand!” Loki looks incredibly close to breaking something, and for the sake of their argument, Thor very much hopes he doesn’t. “She is in peril and you would sit back and do nothing-”

The director holds up a hand as the door opens and Hill slips in, holding printed camera stills. “HYDRA, most likely,” she says, pointing out various details in each photo to her boss. “Why they’d target her I have no idea.”

Fury sighs. “Fantastic. Let me ask you something, Mister mortals-are-ants-beneath-my-boot. Why the hell do you care?”

Too many thoughts to count flit across Loki’s face, and Thor has had a thousand years to catalogue every one of his brother’s expressions. “Is it not enough that I simply do?” Loki asks, apparently at a loss for words, and Thor can’t help but notice everything he isn’t saying in that one question.

“I’ll tell you everything,” he continues, almost vibrating with desperation. “Everything you want to know, that is in my power to tell. I swear it.”

Fury’s eyes narrow. “The Chitauri? The Tesseract?”

“Yes.”

A pause. “Deal.”

Maria startles. “Nick-”

“No, Hill, don’t start with me, not now.” He nods at Loki’s cell. “If you would.”

Maria unlocks Loki’s cell and releases his manacles with the grace and poise of someone who has a revolver trained at her temple. Once his hands are free, she tenses, as though expecting a quick death- but he simply rubs his wrists, in the places they bleed slightly.

“You’re insane,” she says as Fury leads her out of the room, not bothering to lower her voice.

“Insane saved the world, once,” he shoots back. “How much worse can this be?”

“I can think of a few-”

The door closes behind them.

The two gods look at each other. “Four days is a long time,” Thor says softly, unnecessarily stating the obvious. “I would not even know where to look. Perhaps the captain would know-”

He stops as a rage of green flares up to Loki’s elbows, mirroring the fire that has suddenly blazed to life in his eyes. His voice is haunted by things unknown- “I have her.”

[waltzofthewifi]

Kota Chapter 11: Behind the Mask

First | Previous | ToC | Next

Lacy, for some reason, followed Chloe out of the classroom.

She found her sobbing in the bathroom, eye makeup already smeared. When Chloe saw Lacy enter, she scowled.

"Go away," she snapped.

For some reason, she didn't.

Maybe it was because no one else followed Chloe (well, Adrien might have if he could, but they were hiding in the girls bathroom so he couldn't come in). Maybe it was because she didn't want to deal with another akuma. Or maybe Chloe reminded her so much of several of her sisters that Lacy couldn't help but feel bad for her.

So Lacy stayed.

That didn't mean she knew what to say.

"I'm sorry Sabrina's been ignoring you all day," she eventually said.

Chloe sniffled. "Are you?"

"It sucks, feeling like you're all alone," Lacy stated. "I've been there before."

Chloe huffed. "I'm not all alone."

Lacy sighed. If Piper was here, she would know what to say. She always knew how to make their sisters listen, even the brattiest ones. Lacy, on the other hand, had no clue.

She thought about something her dad said once. If you don't know what to say to someone, just let them know you're there.

"Listen, we don't know each other," Lacy said. "I don't think you want to know me, and honestly I don't really want to know you either. But right now you're sobbing in a smelly bathroom, and you're not alright, and you need someone to stay with you. So even if all I can do is stay here, I will."

"Why? Why do you care?"

"Because I've sobbed my heart out in a smelly bathroom before," Lacy replied. "Because someone a lot like Lila stole someone I thought was my friend - and I don't know what I would have done if some random new girl hadn't found me there and stayed with me until I felt better."

Chloe started at her for a moment.

"And because the three people I admire most in life would have followed you too," Lacy admitted. "If they could. But ones on the other side of the ocean right now, and ones - well, she's dead. But mostly because I've felt alone before, and I wouldn't wish it on anybody."

Chloe scoffed. "Please. You have a perfect family, I doubt-"

Lacy cut her off with a laugh that surprised even herself. "Perfect family? I've never even met my mother."

Chloe blinked. "What about that woman you're always around?"

"Elisabeth? She's my stepmom." Lacy sighed. "And I love her, but that never changed the fact that my own mother never bothered to visit me. And it's not like she couldn't! My sister met her - twice! But I guess I'm not worth the time."

"Oh." Chloe said.

"So yeah, I know what it's like to feel alone," Lacy said. "When everyone has this picture perfect family and you don't."

"My mother forgot my birthday again," Chloe blurted. "Sabrina and Adrien remembered, and my butler and my father, but she didn't. And then Sabrina immediately ditched me after giving me my present, and Adrien's sitting next to Dupain Cheng, the pinnacle of all things I'll never be, and I just-"

"Feel forgotten," Lacy finished. "It brought up all the old insecurities again."

"Yeah," Chloe agreed. "And lashing out, it helps. Sometimes."

"Fight or flight," Lacy said. She herself was very much flight - whether it was shutting up whenever Lila or Drew was around, running from akuma attacks, or skipping school when she had a scary teacher. But Chloe must have been a fighter - she wanted to defend herself, even if there was nothing to defend from.

"Maybe," Chloe said. "I don't always know why."

"My sister stole a car once." Why that came out her mouth, Lacy had no idea. "Well, she said she talked them into it. She has the same ability as Lila has, except better, and whenever she felt ignored by her father, she talked people into giving her free stuff, knowing the effect would wear off and she'd get caught. I guess she figured that if she couldn't get her dad's attention for being good, she'd get it by being bad."

"That makes sense," Chloe said. "Sometimes, I'm afraid that people will forget me. Especially Adrien. Or my mom. And I'll just fade away."

Lacy hesitated. "Honestly I don't know what to say to that."

"What? No magical therapy cures from the daughter of a therapist?" Chloe huffed and crosses her arms.

"There's no magical therapy cures period," Lacy said. "Therapy takes a lot of work. Change takes a lot of work."

Chloe eyed her suspiciously. "You ever go to therapy?"

"Yeah," Lacy agreed. "My father had a colleague that I used to go to - since my dad couldn't do it right, being so close to me. He helped with a lot of my problems with my mom, and my teachers, and - well, I'm a mess, and he helped with a lot of that. Actually, I'm the reason my father switched his focus to youth, especially those with learning disabilities and family struggles. Because he saw how little people knew how to help me, and he decided to make sure he could help others like me, even if it meant a little more schooling."

"Your father must love you a lot," Chloe said.

"Yeah," Lacy agreed. She looked down at her feet. "Sometimes I feel selfish for wanting my mother to love me, when I have him and Elisabeth. Like they're not enough."

"But mothers are supposed to love you," Chloe argued.

"Yeah." Lacy sighed. "They are."

Silence. Lacy shifted her weight, wondering if she should say something.

Chloe broke the silence first. "Want to get out of the smelly bathroom?"

Lacy nodded. "Yeah."

The two girls sat down on a bench in the locker room, and Chloe was quiet for a moment.

"Do you think Cesaire is right?"

"Uh..." Lacy stammered. "Kinda?"

Chloe scoffed. "You can be honest, you know."

"Yeah, I do," Lacy said. "You - I get it, change is hard and scary, but when you're entrusted with something like that, I don't know, you need to take it seriously."

"I do," Chloe said. "Ladybug's the only person who's ever trusted me like that. But, if I try to change, and I don't-"

"You'll feel even worse," Lacy finished. "Failing at something can be scarier than not even trying. Like procrastinating a big essay."

"I guess."

"And you will fail," Lacy said.

Chloe shot her a glare, and she backtracked.

"Not you, specifically. I meant - my father always told me, that when you try to do any big changes in your life, any big improvements, he always said that you will backslide once or twice. And that's why a lot of people give up. But that's okay! I mean, not giving up, but backsliding, and being afraid, and I think Ladybug would understand. But I think she'd appreciate it if you showed you took it seriously, even if just through little things."

"Maybe." Chloe sighed. She was quiet, staring at the wall, and Lacy shifted on the bench awkwardly.

Chloe's head lulled, falling onto Lacy's shoulder. "I'm tired."

"Schools almost over," Lacy replied.

"I don't want to go back in there," Chloe admitted.

"That's fine," Lacy said. "We can stay out here as long as we need."

"Thank you," Chloe replied.

They stayed silent for a moment, Lacy listening as Chloe's breathing became steadier and steadier.

She sniffled, and raised up to look at Lacy. "Can you come over to my place tonight?"

"Sure," Lacy agreed. "I'll just have to let my father know."

.

"- and if she's even a little bit mean to you-" Alix continued.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine," Lacy replied.

"She'll regret the day she was born," Alix finished.

Lacy rolled her eyes. "Alix, I'll be fine. I promise."

Alix sighed. "Okay, if you say so. But if I find out she brought you to tears, or you get akumatized-"

Alix was cut off by a phone alert.

"Another akuma," Alix said after checking her phone. "Other side of Paris."

The two of them reached the stairs outside of the school.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Lacy said, continuing down the stairs and waving bye to Alix.

"There you are."

Lacy startled as Chloe put her hand around her shoulders.

"You startle too easily," Chloe scoffed.

"So I've been told," Lacy grumbled.

"Hey Chloe!"

Both girls jumped this time as Adrien passed them on the stairs.

"I hope today wasn't too bad of a birthday," he said. "I'd hang with you tonight, but-"

Chloe scoffed. "I'm having a girls night anyways. See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," Adrien replied before continuing down the stairs.

Chloe's limo pulled up a second later, and Lacy felt a glimmer of excitement at the idea of riding in one, if only a short distance. Limos were cool - Piper had once promised Lacy a ride in one, but outside circumstances kept that from happening.

Chloe smirked, clearly reading the excitement on Lacy's face.

The ride to the hotel was just enough time for Chloe to snap a selfie of them together and post it on her Instagram.

"What's your instagram?" Chloe asked.

"Oh, uh, I don't have one."

Chloe gave her a look over her phone.

"I'm cursed when it comes to technology," Lacy explained. "Bad things happen when I use it."

Chloe didn't look convinced. "We're getting you an Instagram tonight."

"Okay... but if we get attacked by killer birds, it's your fault."

In Paris, no one thought she was joking when she said that (unlike when she tried that excuse on her friends in New York), but Chloe wasn't swayed.

"Everyone has an Instagram," she stated, just as the limo rolled to a stop in front of the hotel.

.

Of course, Chloe's apartment was huge. Lacy couldn't help but gasp when she walked in.

Chloe flicked her hair as she continued into her room, beckoning Lacy to follow her.

"So what do you want to do?" Chloe asked, plopping down on her sofa.

"I don't know." Lacy sat down next to Chloe, shifting from the nerves she always felt when visiting someone's home for the first time. "What do you feel up to?"

"Well, let's see. Sabrina and I like to cosplay, but I know you're not really into superheroes."

"Not really, no."

"Which I don't understand, but whatever. Have you ever tried jewelry making?"

Lacy perked up. "I've always wanted to."

Chloe smiled. "Well, Daddy bought me some expensive crafting supplies for making jewelry we could use."

Lacy quickly agreed, and Chloe dug the supplies out of her extremely large closet. She showed Lacy the few things she had learned so far before the two started digging in.

They fell into a comfortable rhythm quickly, chatting about the different beads, lengths of the necklaces, and their favorite jewelry designers as they crafted. After an hour, their workspace had expanded to cover most of Chloe's amazingly soft bed and the floor, and Lacy had almost glued her thumb to one of her fingers.

Chloe had created three necklaces - her designs were gaudy and flashy, but she had the details like length correct. Lacy had finished two necklaces, both looking disjointed with one too long to wear and one so short it was almost a choker.

"I think I'm jewelry-ed out," Lacy admitted, leaning back onto Chloe's bed.

"Agreed." Chloe half-flung the bead case onto her nightstand and plopped down next to Lacy.

The two girls were silent for a moment, and it was a peaceful silence, but Lacy eventually had to readjust the pillow her head fell on.

"Hey Lacy," Chloe whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for coming over. I didn't want to spend tonight alone."

"Of course."

Lacy shifted her pillow again.

"You don't sit still, do you?" Chloe asked.

"No," Lacy admitted. She rolled over to face Chloe. "Your bed is really comfortable, you know?"

"I know. After all, I have to get my beauty sleep."

"I thought you woke up like that." Lacy flashed a cheeky grin, and Chloe playfully hit her with a throw pillow.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Come on in!" Chloe yelled, pushing herself up and fixing her hair.

Her butler came in. "Madamoiselle, your father wanted me to tell you that he cannot make dinner tonight for a meeting."

"What?" Chloe demanded. "Tell him he's being ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous!"

"I will. Is there anything I can get for you two in the meantime?"

"Ugh, no, we're fine. I'll call you if I need you." Chloe dismisses the butler with a hand wave, before collapsing back onto her bed.

"The one person I can count on being there on my birthday," she lamented. "By the way, your phone's been going off for five minutes now and it's driving me nuts."

Lacy glanced up, looking for her phone - which would still be across the room in her backpack. Bemoaning leaving the comfy bed, Lacy swung her feet over and went to retrieve the bag.

"Who is it?" Chloe asked.

Lacy unzipped her pocket and pulled out her phone. "It's Marinette - which is probably not who you want to hear about."

Chloe groaned. "Please no. I get enough of her and her goody-two-shoes-ness at school."

Double-checking that her parents hadn't contacted her, Lacy quickly sent Marinette a text telling her she was busy and put her phone back in her bag.

"Part of me thinks I should defend her, but I don't know if that would help," Lacy admitted, retaking her position on the insanely soft bed.

"Don't tell me you've fallen for it too," Chloe groaned.

"Oh, I see," Lacy mused. "You think it's all an act, don't you?"

Chloe scoffed. "Everyone's acting, Lacy. Some people just get away with pretending to be the good, heroic student who everyone likes and flocks to. It's no wonder Rossi targets her so much."

"And you're jealous."

"A little." Chloe sighed and rolled over. "It's not fair. She has the perfect family, more friends than I can count, and she's not tragically poor either - it's like everything someone could want. And it was one thing when I could, you know..."

"Bully her?"

"Yeah, but now she blows me off like I'm nothing. And now Adrien's starting to have a crush on her, instead of me."

"You don't like Adrien anyways," Lacy replied. "Not like that."

Chloe grumbled. "He's the only guy who pays me any attention - except for Kim, but I thought he was kidding until he got akumatized over it!"

"I have seen a lot of people make that mistake," Lacy admitted.

"And Kim was different back then anyways - he's played meaner pranks than that. I mean, everyone blames me for the akumas but he caused the first one!"

"Yeah, but he's changed."

Chloe scoffed. "Maybe he has."

"But that's beside the point, weren't we talking about Marinette?"

"Ugh, even thinking about her makes me mad."

"I get it." Lacy turned so she was facing Chloe, who turned to her. "Girls who seem to have everything together, who are confident, popular, well-loved, they're easy to hate."

"Really easy," Chloe agreed.

"But I don't think Marinette's faking it."

Chloe scoffed. "Everyone's faking it. Even you."

Lacy opened her mouth to argue - of course she wasn't - but closed it when she realized Chloe was right. It was the small things - the pressure mostly from her sisters. Only movies with romance were worth watching. Don't do any activities that will ruin your hair (even climbing! Lacy had sat out so many climbing lessons at camp because the rest of her cabin was). Gossip. Always watch your image.

That's what a daughter of Aphrodite was supposed to do, right?

"Yeah, okay," Lacy agreed. "I do it, you do it, everyone does it. But the person behind the mask - I think for Marinette, it's usually just someone who really, really wants to go sleep. Not someone trying to be the most popular girl in school or compete with you for attention or anything."

"Oh really? Then what's her problem with Rossi?"

"Lila? She lies."

"So?"

"You know how my phone buzzer was bothering you a little bit ago? Marinette's pet peeve is liars - and yeah, the fact that she flirts with Adrien isn't helping anything either."

"That is not making her many friends at all," Chloe added. "So you really think all this comes naturally?"

"You say that like it means she has no flaws." Lacy frowned. "But I'm not going to tell you what those are, because you are a jerk to her."

"Fair enough. But she does have flaws?"

"Everyone has flaws, and crappy parts of their life. You thought I had a perfect life too, remember?"

"You handle it all better than I do."

"It's called therapy. You should try it sometimes."

Chloe chuckled. "Fair." She pushed herself back up and undid her ponytail. "Today was exhausting."

Lacy pushed herself up as well. "You should try to go to bed early after a day like today."

Chloe fussed with her hair for a minute, but Lacy pushed her hands out of the way and started doing it herself.

"Maybe take a nice bath in that bathtub I saw in there," Lacy suggested. She stretched for the brush on Chloe's nightstand and started slowly combing through her hair.

"This feels nice," Chloe said.

Lacy haltered, but just for a second. It wasn't something she had intended to do, but something had caused her to do it anyways.

A bittersweet memory tugged at her brain, and Lacy remembered Silena combing her hair like this, and singing, just a few nights before she died...

Lacy shook the thought out of her head and focused on the hair in front her hair. Absentmindedly, she began to hum as well, and eventually she let herself sing.

"A naeoidhean bhig cluinn mo ghuth Mise rid' thaobh O mhaighdean bhan"

.

"Pound it!"

"Two akumas in one day again," Chat Noir commented. "Hawkmoth must be getting impatient."

"Honestly the akumas have been the least stressful part of my day," Ladybug admitted. "School drama sucks."

"Tell me about it," Chat Noir grumbled. "Who knew school could get this complicated?"

"Speaking of drama, I think I owe Rena an apology," Ladybug said. "I was thinking about how Chloe handled the drama with Sabrina, and I was sympathetic at first, but then I found out she ruined someone's artwork and, I don't know. I'm not sure why that makes me want to talk to her - I guess I realized I missed her too. And I didn't handle it well either."

"I'm sure you handled it fine," Chat Noir replied. "You didn't get anyone akumatized, did you?"

"Well, no-"

"And you didn't lash out at anyone, right?"

"I did, but she kinda deserved it, so-" Ladybug sighed. "I'm a mess today."

"So many akumas will do that to you." Chat Noir rubbed his neck sheepishly. "I lost my temper today too, and probably made things worse for my friend."

Ladybug shook her head. "I've never seen you lose your temper with someone who didn't deserve it."

"I'm not saying she didn't," Chat Noir argued. "But - like you said, drama sucks."

"I don't have time to be dealing with drama on top of everything else," Ladybug complained. "But if I don't do something, people are going to get hurt."

"You're braver than I am," Chat Noir said. "I can handle akumas fine, but when it comes the littlest bit of social pressure, I panic."

"Trust me, I'd take an akuma any day over some of people in my class," Ladybug agreed.

Chat Noir's ring beeped. "Looks like I have to go. Until next time, my lady." He gave an extravagant bow, before bounding off.

Ladybug watched him go. It was nice to know that whatever drama happened in school, her partnership with Chat Noir would remain untouched.

Her own earrings beeped, reminding her to recharge before visiting Alya. She ducked into an alleyway, and her transformation dropped.

Marinette dug into her purse for her macaroons and handed one to Tikki.

"I wish I could tell Chat what's going on at school," she mused. "He's such a good listener, and I always feel better talking to him."

"You can," Tikki replied. "As long as you're very careful not to reveal too much."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Marinette replied. "We've already run into Lila so many times, it would be easy to guess who I'm talking about."

"She does have a habit of causing problems," Tikki agreed.

Marinette sighed. "She's become more of a headache than Chloe."

Tikki finished her macaroon, and Marinette called for her transformation.

"Tikki, spots on!"

.

Alya stared at the ceiling, not having the will to do anything else.

Today was a disaster. She had lost her temper at Miss Bustier twice after the argument with Chloe, and had almost snapped at Nino too. She had been seconds away from earning herself a detention for a bad attitude (why didn't Chloe ever get detentions for a bad attitude?), and then had accidentally grumbled at her mom when she got home, which just made everything worse.

Her phone buzzed again on her nightstand, but she couldn't bring herself to check.

Someone knocked on her window, and that made Alya sit up. Only two people ever did that.

Usually such a visit would make her excited, but tonight it only filled her with nerves. Had the superheroes heard of her outburst at school? Did they think she went too far?

Alya took two deep breaths before approaching the window, where Ladybug was waiting for her. The superhero looked a little nervous, but not angry.

Alya opened the window for her and Ladybug gave a small, awkward wave.

"Can I come in?"

Alya blinked. "Yeah, Yeah, of course you can come in!" She backed away, letting Ladybug crawl into her room.

"Is there anything I can help with?" Alya asked.

"No," Ladybug replied. She sat in the desk chair she usually did when visiting, shifting her weight several times as she did so.

Ladybug's nervous, Alya noted.

Wait, am I making her nervous?

"Listen," Ladybug started. "What I said yesterday - sometimes, what I'm saying gets a little jumbled, and I don't always mean what I say-"

"You mean, say what you mean?" Alya asked, sitting down on her bed.

"Yeah." Ladybug sighed. "And when you - no, sorry, I - I shouldn't start this off with an accusation, should I? I don't know what I'm doing."

"It's okay." Alya leaned forward, giving Ladybug an encouraging pat on her knee. "My friends get nervous all the time."

In fact, Ladybug very much reminded her of Marinette right then - the nervous, constant motion, the mixing up her words.

Ladybug gets nervous. It was oddly humanizing.

"Right, okay," Ladybug continued. "I guess I'm trying to apologize here, for being so defensive yesterday. I did not mean to imply that you've been anything less than amazing as a hero, and both me and Chat Noir appreciate your help tremendously."

"Really?" Alya asked, her chest swelling in pride.

Ladybug nodded. "Really. So you have to understand, when I say I want you to be better, it's because I know you can. And because me and Chat - we're starting to become overwhelmed with everything, and out of everyone, I trust you most - except for Chat Noir, of course. And I need your support."

Alya straightened up. That was a huge responsibility, but she knew she was up for it.

"I will do whatever I can to support you, Ladybug," Alya said.

Ladybug smiled. "I know. But what I'm talking about is a big responsibility, and there's been times where I - I know you're up to it, but you have to be a little more careful about who to trust."

Alya nodded. "Right. I know I'm a lot more trusting than some of my friends sometimes, but I promise I haven't told anyone about my secret identity. Except for Nino, but he's really trustworthy too!"

"I know, I know," Ladybug assured her. "But yesterday, when you brought up that rumor you heard somewhere-"

"I know," Alya sighed. "Not my greatest moment. I was just - shocked."

"The girl who told you that - do you trust her?"

Now that was a question.

Alya hesitated. Did she?

"I mean, I like to believe I can trust most people. I've always believed in seeing the best in people, but I'll admit, there's been some things that have tested my faith in her. For one, my best friend Marinette - you met her, she set up that first interview we did! - doesn't like her, and then there's the whole spiel about Ryuko yesterday. But I don't know, it seems wrong to exclude someone just because they're trying to fit in - and that's the thing, she's the new girl. Or was, at least. And moving to a new school is scary, and I want to make sure she feels welcome, because Marinette and everyone was so nice to me when I moved the last time, but - ugh, why does it have to be so complicated." Alya sighed. "I just want to be able to, I don't know, be nice to people without it being a whole thing. But it never works that way!" Alya frowned. "I did yell at Chloe today, though."

Ladybug chuckled. "Everyone lost their temper with Chloe today. I wouldn't worry about it."

Alya chuckled. "She was a force to be reckoned with today."

"Tell me about it," Ladybug agreed. "Just be careful, okay? I - I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I think I've proven I can handle myself."

At that exact moment, with Ladybug hanging out in her room like they were college buddies, was the moment Alya's mom decided to poke her head in.

"Hey Alya, I just wanted to ch-" her eyes went wide. "Uh - hello, Ladybug. Is there anything we can help you with?"

Ladybug gave a polite smile. "No, Ms Cesaire, we're just catching up on some blog-related news."

Alya's mom beamed. "It is an amazing blog, isn't it? We're super proud of all Alya has achieved."

Alya felt a smile creep across her face.

"You should be," Ladybug agreed. "She's an impressive person."

Did I die and go to heaven? Did Ladybug just compliment me? In front of my mom?

This is the greatest moment of my life.

"I'll leave you two to it, then."

Her mom closed the door, and Alya tried to school her expression back to something professional.

"You should be proud of yourself, you know?" Ladybug said. "You have done a lot, both as a blogger and as Rena Rouge."

"Th-thank you," Alya stuttered, her grin coming back on her face.

"No, thank you." Ladybug stood up and headed to the window. "I'll see you around."

"Yeah, see you around."

.

Refreshed was not the word Chloe would use, but she did feel better when her alarm went off the next morning.

She turned it off, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, and slipping her feet into her favorite pair of slippers. On the other side of the bed, Lacy was still fast asleep.

Chloe sighed, taking a moment to stretch her neck and arms. She debated whether to wake Lacy or leave her sleeping, but eventually decided that she didn't want to have to sneak around all morning.

She shoved Lacy in the arm, but Lacy didn't twitch. Chloe shook her arm once, but no movement.

Chloe sighed in exasperation. She did not have the patience for this.

"Lacy!" She called, moving right up to the other girl's ear.

That caused her to twitch, and eventually Lacy cracked open an eye.

"Chloe," she grumbled. "G'morning."

"Good morning to you, sleeping beauty," Chloe commented. "Come on, Jean-Luc should be up with breakfast for us soon."

Lacy pushed herself up. "Breakfast sounds good."

"And then I'm doing your hair and makeup," Chloe decided.

Lacy looked at her for a moment, expressionless, before yawning and plopping her head back onto the pillow.

"Oh come on, it's not even that early!" Chloe complained, snatching the pillow from under Lacy.

"I'm awake, I swear," Lacy replied.

Chloe (playfully) hit her with a pillow. Lacy moaned, but didn't move.

"This is why you're always late, you know," Chloe grumbled, moving from the bed and towards her mirror.

"Fine, fine." Lacy swung her legs over the bed, and yawned again. "I'm up. See?"

Chloe sighed, turning back to her mirror to start untangling her hair. She glanced over her shoulder again, and saw that Lacy had plopped back down again.

Chloe gave up on trying to wake Lacy before breakfast. When her butler appeared with breakfast, the smell jolted Lacy awake. The butler set them up for breakfast on the patio, and Lacy marveled at the view.

"Paris is so beautiful," Lacy muttered as she sat down. She was wearing her usual gray jacket over the ladybug pajamas she had borrowed from Chloe, her hair still a bedhead. Chloe mentally ran over how she was going do her hair, and what clothes she could lend her (just this once!).

Lacy noticed her looking and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Just thinking what I'm going to do with your hair," Chloe admitted.

"Woah, I did not agree to let anyone mess with my hair."

"Oh come on," Chloe whined. "It's kinda a girls night thing, isn't it?"

Lacy hesitated, but eventually relented.

"But only if I get to do yours too!"

"Uh no," Chloe replied. "No one touches my hair."

Lacy crossed her arms and gave Chloe a defiant look, and Chloe was surprised when she found herself relenting.

"Fine. But it better look nice!"

Lacy smiled. "Deal."

.

Marinette was in a moderately happy mood the next morning.

It was threatening to rain, and she was still wary of Chloe's recent Chloe-ness, but she had made things with Alya a little better the previous night, and she made it to school ten minutes before the bell rang!

Alya arrived just after she did, and the two girls exchanged bright, genuine smiles before heading in to class together.

Alya grumbled when she saw who was already there. "I can't believe both you and Lacy beat me to school today."

Lacy turned from her conversation with Alix and Kim when she heard her name and gave Alya and Marinette a bright smile and wave.

"She does seem more awake than usual," Marinette noted. She slid into her normal seat, and when Alya hesitated, invited her to the one next to her.

Nino looked back with a little pout, but didn't say anything.

Max entered the room, giving Marinette a confused look before taking his seat.

Marinette sighed. "I'm not always that late, you know?"

"Yeah, you kinda are," Alya teased.

"Hey, I beat you today," Marinette countered.

Alya grinned. "You must be wearing off on me then."

The girls both giggled.

"I've missed you, girl," Alya said.

"Me too," Marinette agreed.

"Listen, I know I already apologized, but-"

"It's okay," Marinette interrupted. "I know you're just making sure everyone is included, and while what you did was wrong, I know you won't do it again."

Alya shook her head. "No, of course not. Your space is your space."

"Thank you," Marinette said. "And if I ever invade your space-"

"I'll let you know," Alya confirmed.

Miss Bustier walked into the room, and she gave Alya and Marinette a bright smile.

"I'm so glad you two made up," she declared.

Marinette smiled. "So are we."

Adrien came in a few seconds later, slipping into his seat next to Nino, and Lila followed soon after.

She stopped when she saw Alya and Marinette sitting together.

"Oh, Marinette, I'm so glad you apologized to Alya," Lila declared.

Marinette sighed.

"Actually, I apologized to her," Alya admitted.

"But you did nothing wrong?" Lila questioned.

Alya sighed. "I appreciate the concern, girl, but our friendship is really only between us." Alya turned to Marinette. "Right, girl?"

Marinette nodded. "Right."

Lila looked stunned, and she was uncharacteristically quiet as she took her seat in the back.

"Alright, now that we're all here, let's start with our morning exercise," Bustier declared. "Let's see who's first - Alya, and Chloe!"

Marinette deflated. That was bound to put everyone in a bad mood.

Alya scowled as she stood up, and walked up to the front of the classroom. Chloe also stood up, and Marinette noticed that she looked different - she wore her hair in a more stylized, loose ponytail, wore gold makeup instead of blue, and had on a black shirt with her khakis instead of that horrible white. She looked almost nice.

"I'm not complimenting her," Alya said, crossing her arms. "She was nothing but rude yesterday, to everyone. She can't expect us to just drop that and-"

"Alya," Bustier interrupted. "This is a new day, and this exercise is intended to start everyone off with a good thought. Holding onto a grudge from yesterday will not help anybody."

"It's okay," Chloe said. "I don't need Cesaire's opinion to feel good about myself, I already know I'm awesome." She flipped her hair back over her shoulder. "I can still give my compliment." She studied Alya for a moment. "Cesaire, ugh, if I must compliment you on something, then I guess your Ladyblog-thingie is cool. As one of Ladybug's superheroes, I have personal knowledge of how much she likes your blog."

Marinette blinked. That... sounded like an actual compliment?

"Though I do think you need more Queen Bee content on it," Chloe finished. She sat back down at her seat, flicking her hair one more time.

"Thank you, Chloe," Bustier said, with a bright smile. "That was a wonderful compliment."

Alya looked as stunned as Marinette felt. She blinked a few times, before dazedly heading back to her seat. Halfway there, she paused.

"Hey Chloe," Alya said. "I think your hair looks nice."

Chloe grinned smugly. "Of course it does, but thank you."

Alya shook her head, still dazed, and took her seat next to Marinette.

"Did I imagine that?" Alya whispered.

"Nope," Marinette replied. "I think Chloe just paid you a genuine compliment."

[hungline]

do you believe in magic?

pairing: jihope, minor vmon and yoonkook  genre: fluff, magic au, teenagers au, tutor au, rated pg  warnings: none  a/n: written for @sugaretreat as part of the @jihope-love  words: 1622 

summary: Jimin’s the worst when it comes to control. Hoseok is an expert on it. 

Sunlight streams across the table that separates them.

Hoseok is leaning forward on it, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbow where they meet the surface of the table. His hair is a light, tousled brown and Jimin can't deny that he has been doing his best not to stare at the freckle that dots Hoseok's cupid's bow.

Jimin looks like a hot mess, emphasis on a mess. His face is covered in ash from the alchemy explosion he just recently caused and he had no time to clean up before his meeting with the senior in front of him. Hoseok has not commented on his appearance yet so far, but Jimin is just waiting for it, waiting for when Hoseok will strike his point home.

The only reason they even know about each other is that Hoseok is the star pupil of Bangtan Acadamy and Jimin can't take a step without hearing someone, or other, mutter the older boy's name. Jimin is known by all for other reasons, with the two biggest being the cause of constant explosions and spells gone wrong. As much as he pleads his case about not all of it being his fault exactly, none of the professors buy it.

Of course, who would believe him about Taehyung throwing belch powder into his cauldron when Namjoon, Taehyung's boyfriend, always manages to smooth talk Jimin's best friend out of all sorts of sticky situations?

It does not help either that in their Herbology class, Jeongguk always manages to upstage Jimin somehow and later he has to deal with Yoongi's gloating as he praises his not-so-boyfriend. Jimin thinks it is all ridiculous anyway since Yoongi is obviously not very bright considering he was held back in his second year, so it has clearly affected who he likes as well.

Rest in peace that poor old senior.

Back to the present moment where Jimin is sitting across from Jung Hoseok in the library though because that is leading to be more important than all the tangents Jimin was going through in his head. Hoseok looks tired and a little pale, but at least he isn't like Jimin who is covered in soot and smells like burnt onions.

"I still don't understand why I'm here."

Hoseok lets out a sigh across from him and leans back in his seat, a palm pressed to his forehead as he takes in a deep breath to settle himself.

"Jimin, I'm sure we do not need to go over each and every one of your recent infractions, right? So why don't you make this easier for everyone involved and just admit that you have a problem? You'll save us a lot of trouble," Hoseok grits out, frustration lying heavy in his tone of voice.

Jimin only shrugs and crosses his legs one over the other from his knee, focusing on the sole of his boot instead of Hoseok's face now. "I get that my magic isn't the most stable—"

Hoseok cuts off whatever else Jimin was going to say with a pained expression on his face. "Jimin, don't mind me being so blunt by saying this, but you are the worst in the entire academy. You're facing grounds of expulsion if you don't somehow get a lid on the extent of your magic."

"Well, how is that any fair? Controlling magic isn't something that's as easy as that!" Jimin doesn't realize he is shouting until Hoseok winces at the sound and others shush him. He flushes, backtracking as quickly as he can while glancing around the library to see how many pairs of eyes are on them. "Sorry, I just... I don't understand how I'm supposed to get better at this with the short amount of time the academy has given me."

"Normally, something like that wouldn't be possible at all, but — and luckily for you — I'm the best at control in the academy. I even proceed Headmaster Bang," Hoseok beams at Jimin, his smile much too bright for Jimin's tastes, especially with how tense their conversation has become. "So, I've been assigned to you as your new tutor and we will meet twice a week to work on your control and brush up on any of your present techniques."

Jimin crosses his arms over his chest and studies Hoseok. He is a year older than Jimin and a senior to boot, but he's also the student body president as well and the best at almost everything. Of course, he would be the one the professors would throw at him. It's genius except for the fact...

"But why are you going to be tutoring me? Why not a professor who, no offense, has a lot more experience and expertise with this?" Jimin can't help but ask.

Hoseok shifts in his seat and continues to smile, not put off at all. "Because you have a problem with authority, supposedly, so getting private lessons from a professor wouldn't help in the long run. That's where I come in. You respond a lot better to your own peers, or so I've been told."

Somewhere in all of that, Jimin is sure an insult is lurking, but before he can bristle up and lash out at it, Hoseok is steamrolling over him again.

"Plus, my level of control proceeds that of the professors so it was a no-brainer really. I know that control is not easy and I don't expect you to pick this up so quickly, but I know that you're not an idiot too. You're capable of a lot more than you know."

Jimin flushes once he realizes that Hoseok has complimented him and hopes that his cheeks are not what Hoseok is staring intently at right now. But he smiles then and uncrosses his arms as he looks to finally meet Hoseok's gaze.

"I don't really have a choice with this, do I?" Jimin asks.

Hoseok's grin widens, a twinkle in his eyes that strikes fear into Jimin's heart. "Nope."

Jimin resigns himself to his fate of having to be tutored by a boy he is pretty sure he's been crushing on since forever as said boy beams at him for finally giving in and agreeing to the arrangement.

    "You're already getting a lot better at this," Hoseok says, one of the first positive things he has said for their session today.

Jimin wipes the sweat from his brow and lets his hands rest on his knees as he tries to steady his breaths. The training grounds are open, making them the best place for their tutoring sessions, but it also makes it the hottest place on campus. Jimin would rather be splayed out on Taehyung and Namjoon's lap as he avoids his essay and possibly sneaks in a nap or two. Instead, he is out in the sun, pushing the limits of his magic for two hours twice a week.

Today is especially hot and Hoseok has granted him the liberty of a break every twenty minutes because of the heat. The senior isn't even sweating at all and Jimin wonders if there happens to be a spell that stops someone from sweating or not.

"Thanks," he huffs out, his heart beating a mile a minute, "Are we done yet?"

Hoseok smiles and shakes his head, clutching onto the handle of the umbrella in his hand tighter as he steps forward. "Not yet. Still have another half hour to go, Jiminnie."

Even though he fails to do so each and every time, Jimin bites his lip and tries to tame the erratic beat of his heart whenever Hoseok calls him by this nickname. They have been holding their sessions for over a month now and Jimin doesn't really notice a change in the extent of his control when it comes to his magic, but Hoseok is pleased with his progress regardless. Something about, having to start from somewhere or wearing the shame of not trying at all. Jimin doesn't know really, all he understands is that the more often they meet, the more often Jimin finds himself daydreaming about the senior.

Jimin smiles back and sits down in the grass, not caring of the stains he will surely sport once he stands back up. Hoseok takes a couple steps forward until the shadow of his umbrella lies directly above Jimin's face and stays there. Jimin thinks it would be easier to just conjure his own umbrella, but he likes that Hoseok is considerate enough to do this tiny thing for him anyway.

Hoseok makes to sit down beside Jimin then and uses a levitation charm to keep the umbrella aloft. They now have shade and Jimin sighs as he closes his eyes and tilts his head back, content to enjoy this break that Hoseok is being lenient enough to give him right now. He can see the light behind his closed eyelids, but he's focusing on not thinking about anything, not even the familiar heat of a body beside him.

But then Hoseok's fingers tangle with Jimin's and he feels his heart stop in his chest as he freezes.

Jimin is no fool. He knows that he likes Hoseok, but he never entertained the idea of Hoseok liking him back. Hoseok is affectionate, sure, just not on this kind of level.

This is intimate. This is important.

When Jimin finally opens his eyes and looks to his right to meet Hoseok's gaze, there is an emotion in his eyes that Jimin can barely distinguish. But it's there and that alone is more than enough for Jimin.

The heat is still as heavy as before, but under the shade of a single umbrella with their fingers overlapping, Jimin feels content at this moment.

[elvendorkinfinity]

“I’m better when I’m with you.” Aziraphale/Crowley

I will gladly write all the Tender Angst for these two. (Everything I write for these two ends up as Tender Angst. It doesn’t even matter if that was my aim, that’s where it goes.)

Thanks for the prompt! Anyone else who wants to send one… Choose a pairing and a line from the Super Sappy Lines Prompt List...

Every so often Aziraphale will say something he immediately regrets, and he has to backtrack and apologise or double down on his point. So far, his track record is holding at around fifty-fifty. 

Usually it is harmless. He snaps without thinking, says something he clearly doesn't mean but which they will both forget soon enough, and it doesn't matter. 

Sometimes, though, he says truly awful things. Hurtful things. He doesn't mean to. He just does it, and then he sees that terrible wounded look on Crowley's face in the moment before his friend throws the walls back up. The guilt is a gnawing, angry thing; worse now than it ever was before the averted apocalypse because now he has no excuse, no Heaven to hide behind, and he is still doing it. 

Like now. Aziraphale is sniffling into his handkerchief, absorbed utterly in the film, until he spots Crowley's expression. He is not watching the screen, but Aziraphale, and his lips are quirked in something like amusement. Aziraphale feels suddenly self-conscious, and lashes out. 

'Oh stop it,' he says, stuffing the handkerchief roughly into his pocket. 'I wouldn't expect you to understand -' 

He cuts himself off, but not soon enough. Crowley's expression changes, closes off. Now he just looks tired. 

'I'm sorry,' Aziraphale says immediately. 'I didn't mean that.'

'Right.' Crowley braces his hands on his thighs as though he is about to stand; Aziraphale reaches out automatically to stop him. 

'Please, Crowley. I really am sorry.' 

'Look, angel,' Crowley huffs a deep sigh through his nose. 'If you don't want me here, just say it.'

'No!' Aziraphale grabs at Crowley's hand desperately. 'No, I do want you here, really I do. It's just…' He scowls and gestures to the television to switch it off. Without its dim flickering light, they are plunged into near darkness, which somehow makes the next part more manageable. 

'It's difficult,' Aziraphale admits quietly. 'I keep expecting Heaven to… Well, I - I keep forgetting, that's all. That we have… This. That I can. You know.'

Damn and bless and blast him, Crowley does know. It doesn't make his next decision any easier. He makes the offer with his eyes closed, even though he knows Aziraphale can hardly see him in this light anyway. It is not being seen he is concerned about right now, but doing the seeing.

'If you need time to adjust,' he says slowly, 'I can give you that.' His fingers twitch with the urge to wrap them around Aziraphale's hand, where it still lies preventing his retreat. Or at least discouraging it; Crowley could still easily leave if he wanted to. (He doesn't want to.)

'No,' says Aziraphale again, more softly this time. 'No, I… I'm better when I'm with you. I know it might not seem like it, but I am. And I am trying, my dear. Really I am. I do need time… But I would rather that time was with you.'

Crowley stops resisting; he turns his hand beneath Aziraphale's so that they are palm to palm and intertwines their fingers. 

'Good,' Crowley replies, talking to their linked hands. He looks up; wonders if Aziraphale can see his eyes; decides it doesn't matter. He takes a deep (unnecessary but nevertheless shaky) breath. 'I'm better when I'm with you, too.' He admits. He says it so quietly that, for all the room is otherwise silent and Aziraphale is listening intently, the angel still has to strain to hear.

'Well then,' Aziraphale begins; his voice is smug but trembling, commanding but uncertain. 'We'll just have to stick together, won't we?' 

If Crowley's answering smile is far too fond to be on the face of any self-respecting demon, well, it's not like anyone can see it. 

'I suppose we will, angel.' He flicks the television back on and leans into the sofa cushions (tilting just ever so slightly to his right; not far enough to actually touch Aziraphale's shoulder, but enough that he could, if he chose to). They will have to talk more later, but for now… This is enough. For now, they are enough. 'I suppose we will.'