#and they were just coming for my family D:

[gglitch1dd]

There's a question I've been thinking about

We know that Izuku no cannon went through a war, right? Right. And until the current chapter of the manga, he's not doing very... well. As being visibly more depressed, not sharing your thoughts, once again lying and saying he's fine when he clearly isn't, a few more things.

So I've been wondering, did your Izuku go through all the cannon stuff? If so, did he have any after-effects? After all these years, are there still things that bother him? Did it take him a while to deal with everything?

I am not gonna comment on the new chapters, but I have seen them and understand what you are saying.

First off, I hate tiktok and Tumblr for spoiling MHA for me. Genuinely. Like i have no will to continue past season 4/5 in the anime that I am at because of all the spoilers and everything going on. I already know what's going to happen and all the juicy bits so why bother. so honestly, I have very little to say on it because i prefer my fictional timeline to Horikoshi's.

But yes.

He has gone through those canon stuff, but Izuku realises that he was just a kid that was robbed from him from horrible inhumane villains and incompetent adults that were relying on children to win a war.

Izuku never wanted Toshinori to dorm at UA. He wanted him to go there for school but not live there. Just cause he wanted to be able to see and make sure his son was fine, so that Toshinori never felt the pressure he felt all on him like Izuku did.

Izuku never allows UA, as well as the other hero parents, to allow the kids to do more than a level D/C threat villains, so petty thieves and bank robberies is for them. Anything higher than that is for their parents to do and for them to do only once they are adult sidekicks at their parents side. Even when interning with their parents, anything higher than a B level threat, they are sent right back to the agency to watch from the side-lines like everyone else.

Izuku doesn't sleep well after the war, and I think he's on medication for a long time but he learns to get off of it.

However, when he starts a family with Y/N Izuku becomes paranoid. But not bad paranoid. Like he does EVERYTHING to ensure his family's safety. Its the reason why he NEVER talks about when reader is pregnant to the media.

He also sincerely, hates the public. He feeds into them, makes sure he looks good, makes sure that he gets their approval to stay top of the charts, but Izuku quickly pushes for legislation to protect heroes against the public and keep their rights as human beings.

For example,

Something in my The Contract universe is that Izuku was the one to pitch the idea of the Horikoshi Heroes' Hospital which is ONLY for heroes and their families to give them guaranteed privacy.

I also have a headcanon that the public gets angry over government spending particularly, how much heroes get paid and Izuku literally comes out as the Number One hero and says.

"If you don't like how much we get paid to risk our lives to save yours, that's fine. Every hero in japan will be granted paid leave for the next week by the Deku Agency and the Hero Commission. No hero services will be available and only the police, EMTs, firefighters and other none hero emergency services will be available."

Leaves the press briefing and he goes back home, switches off his phone and takes a long nap.

Does he care that after he comes back downstairs after only 4 hours of being off on forced leave, that Japan is already in upheaval?

No.

Does he care the next day that his phone is blowing up with people begging heroes to come back?

Not at all.

That man only comes back to hero work sooner than planned because you force him to.

-Glitch1d

[kleinv01]

💙 SFW ALPHABET : YAEL 💙

A = Affection ... Yael is very affectionate, and quite the romantic. however he needs time to feel comfortable in even showing them. especially when he's still unsure about how you feel about him (more so when there's no actual 'status' between you two)- he worries a little too much about this.

his big 3 love languages are gift gifting, quality time and acts of service. time is most valuable to him, and to believe that you're willing to spend time with him together makes him the happiest. he really just appreciates you being w him ^^

B = Best friend ... he's always the dad or mom friend in his group. he takes care of the others and is always there for his friends to help them out. though, he can be a little bit of a people pleaser sometimes. (cannonically, MC and yael started being friends because MC picked up one of his missing romance novel when they were still students lol)

C = Cuddles ... yael loves to cuddle. and would rather be the big spoon- for one reason, he likes feeling like he's protecting you in his arms. but if you prefer the other way- he would gladly oblige as well. he'd find your heartbeat calming. he's very gentle about it, always asking you in that familiar sheepish tone of his, whether it's okay to touch this or touch that

D = Domestic ... he's certified malewife duh /silly . he can cook, clean, very well. and if he's not good at something? he'll try to learn it for you, for his family's comfort

getting married with his loved one, living under the same roof and to raise children together is a dream come true for him

E = Ending ... no arguments, no raised voice, just a calm, mature conversation between you and him. if Yael were to break up with you, he must've had an extremely strong reason to do so. even then, it would be a very, very heavy thing for him to say.

F = Fiance(e) ... you have no idea how much yael LOVES being committed to the one he loves but also, he's not one to rush things. Yael likes to be able to decide things on his own pace. but of course, he'd love to be able to get married with his dearest!

G = Gentle ... he's always been gentle to the people around him. maybe even more so towards you.

H = Hugs ... he does! Yael would often ask for your permission first before hugging you. exceptions being- an excited Yael suddenly pulls you into his tight embrace. lasts for a few seconds or so before he pulls away, flustered, apologizing for doing so. his hug would feel warm and comforting, and you can always smell a faint scent of his perfume whenever he does it.

I = I love you ... it takes a while for him to say such things, as he considers it a really strong word to declare.

J = Jealousy ... Yael doesn't get jealous often. he puts trust in you and the relationship you have with him, although at the rare occasion of him getting actually jealous, he'll try to speak to you about it if it really becomes a bother for him, but most of the time, he'll deal with it himself. he knows jealousy isn't good.

K = Kisses ... very gentle yet shy kisses! Yael likes to kiss your knuckles, forehead, top of your head and cheek the most. he likes lip kisses as well, but it'd take him a little while for him to initiate it- not because he doesn't like it, he's just very nervous. ;; Yael himself likes to be kissed on the same spots.

L = Little ones ... he's good with children, even trusted by some parents in the daycare he works at to do some babysitting for their children. children likes him too!

M = Morning ... Yael wakes up early. (it's a habit lol he can't help it) if you're willing to join him, he'll go on a little jog with you, then cook you breakfast (or cook together) then eat with him <3 or he can also bring you breakfast in bed, jokingly bows down before you and say "today's breakfast, my princess/prince/your highness" then laughs at himself as his ears turns red from embarrassment LOL

N = Night ... Yael likes to read, so you'd often find him reading books before bed. sometimes he gets too caught up in it and stays up a bit later. but just bonk his head and he'll set the book aside to sleep with you. if you're willing to read with him, though, he'd melt on the spot

O = Open ... it might take him a lot of time to be able to do so. and would rather prefer reveal things slowly, at his own pace!

P = Patience ... it takes a lot to anger him. yael also doesn't like the feeling of being angry (if that makes sense). even if he's angry, he wouldn't raise his voice, and try not to let his anger get the best of him.

it had slipped a couple times before, of course, and he always feel bad right after. and apologizes. he rarely gets angry.

Q = Quizzes ... a lot! he's very attentive and thoughtful about you. he doesn't forget things often.

R = Remember ... first meeting, and when you two first started talking again after a bit of strain in the friendship. (assuming in this post you choose yael-focused route)

he's happy to be able to talk to you again...

S = Security ... yael trusts that you can protect yourself, but that doesn't stop himself from being protective of you. he shows it in little ways, checking up on you when he knows you're out late, or offering a ride home. when walking down the street together, Yael might insist on walking on the side closest to the road to shield you from traffic- so on.

T = Try ... lots, lots of effort. and preparation. and research, to make sure you'd enjoy yourself- and, most importantly, make you feel loved in each date with him. you're willing to spend your time with him, so in exchange, he wants to make it worth while

U = Ugly ... being a little too critical of himself. he always wants to do his best in everything, though sometimes it results in him worrying over it more than he likes to-

V = Vanity ... quite a bit. it's one of the reason why he maintains a diet and workout routine, although mainly for health reasons. also, yael often thinks about changing his hairstyle because he doesn't really like how it looks- but never get around to decide what style would suit him better.

W = Whole ... he would, but also, he would be able to understand. if you choose someone else over him- he'd at least still want to be your friend, just so he could keep supporting you whenever you'd need~

X = Xtra ... due to his fear of heights, he once teared up when riding a cable car with friends on a trip. he was eternally grateful that no one notices it. LOL

Y = Yuck ... he doesn't like food with strong taste, also strong scents!

Z = Zzz ... sleeping on his side, hugging a pillow... also, yael collects some animal plush. he keeps a rabbit one near him, a memory of his childhood. he also listens to music a lot, and would often fall asleep with his earphones still attached to his ears.

[luza-wayne]

someone to protect.

himejima gyomei x reader

wc: 9.4k

a/n: i'm not so sure how to feel about this :||

himejima came out of the room with the meeting he just had with the corps leader that ended swiftly. he bowed one last time to ubayashiki before closing the door.

as he walks down the corridor of the house, he thinks back to what he and ubayashiki talk about.

“ah…” he groaned as he rubbed his palms together. “another newly appointed hashira.”

he was visiting the master when the latter brought up this new information. he was told that this new hashira eliminated the lower rank three of the twelve demon moons.

tears started to fall down his cheeks as usual.

“ah… i wish they wouldn’t die as easily.” he cries, his sensitive heart breaking just by the thought of his fellow slayer dying, even if they haven’t met yet.

meanwhile, you just arrived at the headquarters with the help of a kakushi leading the way for you. you were told by the kakushi to wait in the backyard, while he went to announce your arrival to the people in the house. 

you know why you were here.

recently, you managed to kill the lower rank two.

whether it was luck or not that the sun came out as your stamina was running low from trying to keep him the demon from running away, the only thing you know is that your loathing for those disgusting monsters have gone up to the maximum level. 

just thinking about them makes your hands shake with anger.

that same day you got the recognition for slaughtering the lower rank three was the same day you lost your closest friend.

the friend who you grew up with. that friend who was with you and helped you when a demon killed your only family, your father. that friend who joined the corps with you. 

the friend who you promised to protect.

just to fail. 

…

your mouth was open but no words were coming out of it. you watched in horror as her body slowly lost its strength.

“don't cry…” she muttered, slowly. she knows you don’t realize how much tears are coming out of your eyes, that your sclera is already turning red, the same color as her red-stained clothes.

your friend was lying on your arms, blood flowed out of the large wound the demon gave her when she almost beheaded it. 

“d-don’t talk! help is on their way! just wait for a bit— i promise i won't let you die—” your eyes, disoriented from panicking, looked around to see if anyone's coming your way.

‘is there anything there that can stop her bleeding?! pressure! i should put pressure on the wound—’

your distraught mind stopped when you felt her hands, covered with blood, touch your cheek.

you looked into her already half closed eyes. 

“no… pressure… let me apply—” you uttered, trying to ignore the tightness of your throat.

she shook her head.

“(y/n), it's too late for me…” she answered.

“no, just shut your mouth! i know help is on the way!” you shouted as you took off your haori and tried to tie it around her waist, trying to stop the blood from flowing out more. not noticing how your breaths became shorter and faster. 

“please… just promise me one thing—” she started.

you held her hand on your cheeks and looked down at her. 

“no! i’m not promising you anything! you better survive this! you haven't taught me yet how to make those mochi you always make! i still haven't found the demon who killed my father! you told me you'll help me with it! so you better survive!”

she smiled weakly at you. tears filled her eyes as she listened to you one last time. 

“you have to survive… please… you're the only one i have left…” you whispered, your own tears falling on her cheeks. 

“s-sorry…” she said and stopped to take another deep breath. “please… i'm sorry for leaving you all alone. please be happy…”

you sobbed as you nodded.

seeing your answer, she smiled. and her hands slowly slipped down from their touch on your cheeks, while her eyes slowly closed. 

…

you shook your head. you felt your eyes get teary again and it snapped you out of your thoughts.

that kakushi said i should go to the back, right? 

as you were walking to the backyard, you heard a noise coming from the shrub on the fence’s side. you immediately went into alert, ready to attack it if ever it's something that needs to be taken down at once. 

you took your stance and were ready to sheathe your sword.

“nyaa~”

eh?

“a cat?” you muttered as you relaxed your body. 

what am i doing getting all tense to a cat?

now that i think about it, that was too much reaction. it’s not like there will be demons at the headquarters. what’s more, the sun is out…

“...pfft—” you immediately covered your mouth and tried to hold yourself back from letting out a laugh.

you crouched down and held your hand out to the creature. you moved your fingers and tried to call the cat.

“come here.” you talked to it. 

it meowed again before making its way to you. you peeked on its genitals and noted that it’s a male. he rubbed his face on your palm and you could hear his purrs. a small smile appeared on your lips.

“where did you come from?” you asked him, knowing he wouldn’t answer back except for a meow.

“are you a cat of the master?” you queried again before lifting the cat up and holding it close to your chest.

you examined him and he seems fine with no evident injury. you felt relieved. 

“thank goodness you're not hurt or anything.” you whispered as you pulled him closer to you.

“please live safely.” you added, booping his nose. 

the cat suddenly jumped out of your hold and ran away, vanishing from your view into a corner.

“(y/n)-sama, this way please.” the kakushi with you earlier suddenly spoke. 

you stood and tidied up your uniform.

“yes.” you answered before following them.

“nyaa~” 

“oh?” himejima uttered when the cat meowed his way. he knelt down and offered his arms to the cat.

the cat immediately jumped onto him.

“were you finished talking to that person?” he asked the feline who became fascinated by the sound that his prayer beads are making with his every move.

she must be the new hashira. he thought to himself.

as he pets the cat, he smiles to himself.

at the very least, she seems to be kind from the way she treated this cat. i wish her all the best and hope she survives long.

when his kakushi guide arrived, he left the place carrying the cat that was a stray one when he was on his way to the headquarters.

…

it’s been seven months. 

seven months ever since you’ve been posted in your jurisdiction. you did your best to protect the people from where you were assigned.

you got to admit, with protecting them and having to be always alert that a demon might appear suddenly at night during your patrol helped get some thoughts off of your mind.

but, it will make you never forget the hatred you feel for every demon.

every time you encounter one, at the back of your mind you're thinking that maybe not all demons are like that, only for that thought to be shattered once you hear how they explain with no remorse that eating human flesh is delicious and that they'll always choose to be demon even in their next life.

it makes your skin crawl with disgust that you even gave them a bit of compassion. you regret even thinking that they might be different from others.

you hate them. 

you loathe them. 

you won't forgive them for killing all your beloved ones.

you won't let even one of these revolting creatures escape your blade. you swore to kill the one who took your father's life with this blade.

it's dawn and you just woke up. you sleep during the day as demons are more active during the night, so you as a hashira should be too.

after getting ready, you immediately head out of your house that you bought after receiving your first pay as a hashira.

you also took in two tsuguko. 

they helped you out maintaining the large place. one of them is just waiting for the final selection to take place and become an official part of the corps, while the other one has just started training.

watching them two puts a smile on your face. 

they're such great students. it makes you feel proud just thinking about them becoming the best swordsman they can be.

also, worried and scared. scared that they might end up with the same fate as your best friend.

but, you trust them.

and you can't deny the fact that might happen to you too, today, tomorrow, next week, or soon.

“master, please be careful!” your younger tsuguko waved goodbye to you.

“please come back home to us in one piece!” the older one said.

they looked at each other and smiled widely.

“please bring some dangos too!” they said in unison.

you chuckled and waved back to them while walking out of the house.

“okay, okay. i won’t forget. i'll leave the house to you.” you told them and headed out.

it’s been just months but they’ve become attached to you already.

your older disciple, akiro, was a kid whose sole family left was killed by a demon. the massacre of his family happened around the time when you weren't a hashira yet and was stationed to a different place. you found him, four days after getting the highest rank, aimlessly walking around the town with nothing but his torn clothes from fighting and escaping the demon.

who knows how long he must've been walking around without thinking?

you took him to your rented house during that time. he asked you why you were helping him, and you answered him, it's just natural.

when you bought your current house, he suddenly walked up to you with teary eyes and thanked you for everything you did for him, thinking that you're done taking care of him and was about to leave him. 

you laughed when you heard it, immediately replied saying that he's welcome but you never told him you're moving alone.

he was delighted to hear it, seeing how his face lit up brought a smile to your lips.

when he regained his strength and health back, he asked you to teach him about demons and how to kill them. asking him the reason for wanting to learn it, he replied that he wanted to take revenge for his family member.

it pained your heart a bit. of course, just like you, it’s not easy to forget something like that. but you gave him what he wanted and took him as your first tsuguko.

the younger one, kenji, was a feisty one when you first met him. finding him trying to survive alone in the mountain with nothing but his make-shift weapons and his own built house made of branches of trees and large leaves.

when you spotted his hideout, you thought it was a trap made by a demon in order to catch humans, but when you turned around, you saw him carrying a bundle of woods, to keep him warm for the night.

you asked him what he's doing there and he candidly answered that he lives there. he said that he ran away from his abusive mother after his beloved father died and started living on his own because no one else would take in another mouth to feed.

you know you couldn’t leave a 12-year-old boy alone in the woods. you’re surprised that he wasn’t targeted by the demons yet, but you wouldn’t wait for it to happen first before you act.

you told him that he shouldn’t live there because there could be demons lurking around and that you’ll guide him back to his house. suddenly, a sharp pointed staff almost shoots past your face, you manage to easily dodge it. 

you looked at him and flinched at the mixed look of fear and hate in his eyes. you were wrong for that, you didn’t process what he said earlier and stepped on mine. you apologized to him and just as you were about to speak again, you heard the growling of a demon about to jump at the two of you.

it was just a low-grade demon, so you immediately dealt with it with ease. but, your every slash bore your deep hatred with them as they cut through its neck. when you looked back at him, you told him that this is the reason why he can’t stay there. he was hesitant to come with you, but you promised him that you won’t bring him back to his mother.

your older disciple welcomed him and he slowly warmed up to his new found older brother. 

they are now getting along just fine. the older one became comfortable and is now a reliable one and the younger one’s now a cheerful and healthy kid.

watching them fills your heart with fuzziness and you vow to protect them with everything you could until they become full-fledged swordsmen.

…

you started your patrol around the area, once you didn't really get any order to eradicate a demon or investigate a suspicious case from your crow.

speaking of your crow, it went to the headquarters to get some new information and order from the master and still hasn't come back.

well, based on the time my crow arrives after sending her off is long, i can assume that the headquarters might be far from my place.

guess i'll just have to be alert and patrol around.

it was past midnight already and fortunately you’re not feeling anything suspicious or any presence of a demon.

*caw. caw.*

your eyebrows furrowed when you heard a crow, you turned your head and saw it coming your way. it was your crow finally arriving after a long trip from the headquarters to your jurisdiction.

you raise your arms to her to rest on and she immediately tells you what the leader has told you.

“the master would like to say that the monthly report for hashira’s will be happening next weekend. please be ready.” she started.

you nodded, reaching for her seed bag that you keep on you. you grabbed a fistful of seeds and thanked her for doing all of that.

“also, order! order! you are to collaborate with another hashira tomorrow in a forest that borders both of your assigned regions. lots of lower rank slayers have lost their lives! investigate and kill the demons!” 

she added and ate her seeds as soon as she finished.

another hashira? who might it be?

i’m not familiar with the rest of hashira's. i’m only talking to kanae and then the rest’s name is all i know. 

that aloof looking guy, giyuu. that loud sound hashira, uzui. that one guy who made a scene in the last meeting, i think his name was shigazunawa? 

and that one big guy who always cries…

hi… himejima?

that guy’s always crying, but when i tried talking to him last time as he was the first one to arrive and i came after, he stood in front of me and put his large hands on top of my head and he suddenly prayed.

what was that? 

i just stayed silent because i don’t want to be rude to someone older than me, but that was weird. thankfully, kanae arrived shortly after.

i hope he’s not the one i’m working with tomorrow.

…

great.

as you’re running on the entrance of the forest that your crow has led you to, you could already see himejima’s gigantic body from afar.

you sped up your run and stopped in front of him.

“good evening, himejima-san.” you greeted him, you bowed to him thanking him for waiting for you.

you’re here to slay numerous demons tonight. just thinking about the countless people that died in this place makes your eyes rage with anger and contempt for those atrocious monsters.

as you were raising your head, you felt his hands on the top of your head yet again.

you were about to ask what he’s doing when he started his chants. you wanted to groan in disbelief, but you can’t.

“let’s go.” he uttered as soon as he was finished and started walking towards the forest.

“yes…” you replied and fixed your hair.

seriously, what was that for?

as the two of you walk through the dark, eerie forest, himejima leads the way. the moon was supposed to be your only light, but just your luck, it’s really cloudy tonight. 

you were astonished as to how he easily perceives the structure of his surroundings and the things in front of him.

you weren’t even thinking when you suddenly talked to him.

“himejima-san, it’s amazing. y— you can easily navigate through this forest.” you complimented, realizing in the middle of the sentence that your mouth was speaking your mind, but just decided to follow through.

“mhm. i have a hearing that i enhanced in order to live normally in this world.” he answered, without stopping his feet. “you seemed to have hesitated in continuing your sentence. i can hear that you didn’t mean to say those words out loud.” he added.

he has good hearing, he said? maybe he’s using it like echolocation? or is it really echolocation?

he suddenly stopped walking that alerted you. 

you immediately went into a fighting stance, ready to cut up every single of those sickening creatures that might show up out of nowhere.

“a single thought of a demon makes your thoughts in disarray. your hatred for them is reflecting with your every move, yet it’s holding you back at the same time.” himejima blurted out, not moving an inch from where he was.

“what?” you asked him, with an annoyed face.

“(y/n),” he turned his body halfway and faced you. “your hatred for them is holding you back.”

his words strike a nerve in you. you knew he wouldn’t be able to see your offended face, so you had to use your words.

“i’m sorry, himejime-san, but what do you know about me and the things that i experienced? you’re being extremely rude for our first work together, don’t you think?” you refuted, releasing your hold on your katana grip.

she’s upset. himejima noted in his mind.

“i’m sorry for that. i didn’t mean to upset you.” he apologized.

you were still a bit offended by what he said, but knowing that you can’t move freely in this darkness and he can, you knew arguing with him is not the wisest thing to do.

“i see.” you replied and looked away.

he smiled. he knew it wasn’t a genuine reply from you, but he was at fault here, so didn’t pried more.

he continued walking to where he could feel the presence of the demons.

he also realized that should’ve chosen a friendlier topic to strike up the conversation. he didn’t want to make the first collaboration with the hashira that he’s most interested in awkward, so he tried continuing the talk.

and he did so lousily by mentioning that insight he had about you being hateful to the demons.

after the first time he ever heard her talking to the cat, he was always praying that his crow would not come to him and report that this fellow hashira died in the middle of completing a mission. 

especially when you said those words to the cat, he felt like he needed to always keep a close look at you or else you could lose yourself.

it might’ve been just imagination and self-interpretation, but still. still, he was joyful when you attended the monthly meeting of hashiras for the sixth consecutive time.

he then remembered something kanae told him last meeting.

“how are your tsugukos doing?” he asked, hoping that this time it’s the right topic.

“my tsugukos?” you repeated.

he was right on the target. he could hear how your heart skips a beat with excitement when he mentions them. it was like you forgot that you were angry at him in the first place.

she must’ve cherished them so much.

“mhm. tell me about them.” he replied, smiling while walking straight.

huh? what kind of information does he want me to tell them? uhh…

“they said they want me to bring some dangos on my way home again. i bought them some yesterday and they really liked it.” you revealed.

“yeah. dangos are delicious.” he replied briefly.

“...” 

is that what he wanted to hear or not? why isn’t he saying something?

walking in complete awkwardness, you decided to talk more about your disciples.

“well, you see. my youngest one is still training his swordsmanship, but i can definitely tell. he’ll be a much greater swordsman than i am. he told me he’ll wait until he’s 15 years old and then participate in the final selection. my oldest one is just waiting for the final selection to happen. he’s a great swordsman too, but his quick decision thinking and ability to apply them into action is his edge— ah.” you suddenly realized how much you were talking and got carried away. “sorry, i said too much.” you continued.

“no, i don’t mind.” he comforted you. 

“oh, thank you.”

the walk was a bit quiet for a moment. himejima was contemplating whether it’s good to bring up something he noticed, or just let the conversation end there.

he risked it.

“but, when you mention the final selection. i can hear you’re a bit worried.” he said, hoping that you won’t get mad again.

instead, he heard your chuckles.

“your acute hearing sure is a bad match-up for those who want to keep their secrets, aren’t they?” you laughed.

“you’re right. i was the one who trained them and refined them to be the greatest swordsman that they could. but, deep in my heart… i’m always thinking twice whether to let them participate there or not. the exam is dangerous. unless you’re ready to give everything you got and throw everything away at the same time, you won’t survive there. i know it well because i experienced it too with my friend. she was the only reason i managed to endure those grueling seven days. if it wasn’t for her, i would’ve given up right on the first day.” you babbled.

his short hums and nods tell you that he was listening intently to all of it.

“i know my two students are different from me. they’re not the type to give up on the first day, but i still can’t help but to get worried. i’m scared that they won’t be back on the morning of the eighth day. but, i also don’t want to stop them from their ambitions. i also want them to achieve their dreams and reach their goals, so i won’t stop them. i’ll protect them until they reach it. i know they’ll make me proud, just like how i am proud of them.” you finished with a smile on your face, thinking about the moment when you welcomed them back once they passed the exam.

you look up at himejima and he was looking back at you with a smile, even though you can only see white in his eyes, you know his smile is pure and genuine.

“i’m sure they are also proud to have you as their teacher.” he replied.

your eyes widened as you felt your chest get excited.

“r-really?” you sheepishly said as you looked away.

you know he couldn’t see your face getting pink, but you just can’t help it. 

why is he smiling so softly like that? i’ve never seen him even crack a smile before. it’s weird that i’ve seen this guy cry first and smile next.

preoccupied with your thoughts, you suddenly bumped on his muscular back when you didn’t notice that he suddenly stopped walking.

“there’s a demon coming.” he announced.

alerted, you immediately grabbed your sword. you took your fighting stance ready to face any demon that may come from any direction.

“behind.” himejima uttered, which you quickly responded to.

“got it.” 

you quickly turned around and found a demon lurking up a tree. once he made eye contact with you, he immediately jumped at you.

“whoo! another female with that clothes! i’m so lucky these days! keep coming!” he shouted as he tried to slash you with his sharp claws.

you kept your stance.

once he entered your reach, you drew your blade and used your breathing. 

the water breathing was originally your style, but as time passes you upgraded and turned it to ice breathing. you’re still rough around the edges as sometimes, your body subconsciously uses one of the techniques from the water breathing.

you managed to finish him off with one technique. his body plops on the ground, while his head tumbled next to a tree.

“huh?” he muttered, failing to realize that he had been beheaded. 

he watched as his body slowly turned into ashes. his eyes enlarged, his teeth grinding against each other. he moved his focus to the two hashiras talking.

“your breathing is indeed fascinating. it’s promising.” himejima praised.

“thank you so much. i’m still getting used to it, but i’m working hard on it.” you replied, putting back your sword into its hilt.

“i look forward to it, (y/n). i hope i’ll be there when you finally master that intriguing breathing.” he said and was about to start walking deeper into the woods.

the two heard the demon who's in the middle of incineration, growling his words towards you.

“argh! damn! i can't believe i got beheaded by this mere woman! die!” he uttered, the veins in his eyes almost popping from anger.

you looked down on his head and stared at him with a disgusted face.

“this mere woman didn't even break a sweat in beheading you.” you said, “hurry up and die, demon.”

just conversing with this creature makes your skin crawl with revolt. you turned your head in front and was about to take a walk, when he said something that grabbed your attention.

“ugh! kokumo-sama’s waiting for my hunt tonight!” he intoned, looking desperate and scared. “he’s going to kill me if i don’t present him something! he’ll get mad and report me to that guy!” he added.

huh? ‘kokumo’? did i hear that right?

suddenly, himejima felt it again. the same sound coming from your heart that he heard when he saw you tonight.

he turned around to see you, frozen with a shocked look on your face.

you turned your heel to the demon, walking to him without wasting any time. you grabbed his rough hair and pulled it up until his eyes were on the same level as yours.

“now… what did you just say…? who’s waiting for your hunt…?” your words, chopped yet firm. 

you never broke eye contact with him. your orbs are staring at him as if you could see even his past life as a human.

this demon was on the verge of mental breakdown, scared that he might be killed for not offering a human flesh but then realized that dying would mean he’ll be free from the fear from both kokumo and that guy, kibutsuji.

he thought that even with all the humans he killed and ate, he’s given the chance to have a peaceful passing on.

yet, here you are. glaring at him with such cold and hateful eyes. 

he felt shivers down his spine, even though it’s decapitated already. even kokumo never looked at him with this much spite.

“i— i…” he stutters, “k… kokumo…” he finally answers.

“red haori.” you said, he nodded.

“vertical line marks from his eyes downwards...” he nodded.

“... lower rank 5.” 

he shook his head sideways.

“no… lower rank… 2… now…” he corrected you. 

you were right.

not only were he still alive, he even advanced in ranks. he moved up to the position of the demon that you killed with your best friend.

you stood up, still carrying his head in your hand. you raised your arms and asked him.

“where is he?” you questioned.

you completely ignored himejima’s presence. you didn’t have time to think about him while your reopened deep abomination towards that particular demon.

the incineration reached the demon’s jaw and mouth that he couldn’t answer your question. you looked at his body and saw that hands had turned into ashes already.

“damn! use your goddamn eyes and tell me where he is!” you shouted and grabbed his face with your other hand.

“where is he?!” himejima was surprised, not only by the volume, but with the shakiness driven by hate in your voice. he walked to you and held you by your shoulder. only to be brushed off by you almost immediately.

“tell me where he is!” you shouted again to the demon with trembling eyes.

finally, he moved his eyes. he looked over your shoulder, 5 o’ clock from your position.

without wasting any moment, you threw his head away and started running to where he told that demon was.

with no choice left, himejima decided to follow you. 

he knew you couldn’t see that much in this darkness and he was right. you stumbled, tripped and everything, but you never stopped running. you will not until you find that demon.

earlier, he noted how the sound your body emits was in disarray. just like how it is every time he meets you. he thought chanting a calming prayer for you would work, but he knows it’s only temporary.

every time a demon enters your mind, you immediately feel hate and repulsion. your hatred for them is so deep and it was engraved in every cell.

you were not the type to talk about your past, so kocho couldn’t tell much to him about what happened to you that made you hate demons this much. 

sure, everyone in the corps despised them too. but, he wanted to know the reason for your feelings. that must’ve been the reason why he’s always watching over you and searching for your presence during the monthly meetings.

though, now’s not the time to ask for the reason.

right now, he can hear how disturbed your mind is. your breaths are short and fast. you're so focused on reaching the destination, that you couldn’t hear him calling for you.

“(y/n), slow—” before he could even finish what he was saying, you stopped running.

he tried to feel his surroundings. he’s sure that there is a demon close by, maybe the reason why you stopped.

meanwhile, your eyes narrowed in annoyance. in front of you is a demon who’s out to hunt, not the person you’re looking for.

you unsheathed your sword and immediately pounced on her. 

“don’t get in my way!” you screamed while running towards her and slashing her neck. 

not even sparing her decapitated body a glance, you continued running forward. himejima was calling for your name multiple times while still following your trails, yet it never reaches your ears.

i’m going to kill him!

i’m going to kill him!

that demon who took my father’s life!

these thoughts filled your mind while running past trees.

you’ve met with three more demons, but it only added to your exasperation seeing that they’re not the demon you wanted to see.

it’s actually not just three. himejima fought demons that were coming from different directions. you were so focused in front of you that you weren’t paying attention to your surroundings except for what's ahead of you.

during your interaction with the last demon, there were a lot of demons. himejima got so tangled up in defeating every last one of them, that he just saw you back still running straight in that direction.

he had no choice but to leave your side for a while, even if it put his heart in a nervous state. 

he wanted to protect you, not because he thinks you're weak and does not have the ability to protect yourself, but because right now, you’re in a complete mess. he’s afraid you might not make a sound decision because of your emotion and then find you lifeless there.

with the amount of his co-slayers dying left and right, the thought of you dying is what he hates the most.

he doesn’t understand it too, but maybe the excitement and him looking forward to every monthly report meeting and, especially, the giddy feeling he felt when you arrived tonight and he realized that you two will work together is connected to it.

yet, here you are, you ran and ran, until you reached a spot where a huge boulder was in the middle of the trees.

there, a demon was sitting on top of the rock. sitting cozily there while around him was a pile of human flesh, probably from other demons that offered him their hunt in order to not be killed.

red haori…

vertical lines from his eyes downwards…

and…

lower rank 2…

ahh… 

suddenly, it’s all coming back to me.

“(y/n), run! i’ll distract him!” “what are you doing? i told you to run!” “this is not the time to be stubborn, (y/n)! run!” “huh? your legs?” “please, just bear with it for a while and run!” “okay, thank you for listening one last time…”

the demon notices your presence. he looked down and saw a demon slayer catching up to her breath and looking rather nastily towards him.

“now, now…” he muttered, changing his position and leaning forward. “it’s been a while since i’ve seen an alive human here that’s not an offering.” 

i’m going to kill this disgusting trash. you thought as you went and jumped close to him without even thinking.

naturally, he managed to read your move and kicked you on your stomach. your body came flying back, earning you a few scratches and small open wounds.

you struggled to stand up as you held your sword firmly and looked at him. 

he stood up too and effortlessly jumped down the boulder. he took his time walking close to where you were.

you stayed on your feet, glaring and pointing your blade at him.

“you did well managing to come here without serious injury—” he suddenly halted his movements and took a good look at your face. “well, well. i might be wrong, but we’ve met before, right?”

you narrowed your eyes.

he then laughed maniacally.

“a few years ago, a parent and his child were peacefully living in a small house.” he started to narrate. 

“when one night, a demon arrived and ruined their lives!” his hands were moving in the air in a dramatic way, along with his facial expression.

“but! he was a devoted father! he doesn’t want to lose another one of his family, just like what happened with his wife…” he continued, yet this caught your attention.

how…?

“that’s why he had to distract the demon while his injured daughter ran away.” he glanced at you and smirked.

“he was left alone with the demon without knowing he was the demon’s real target! your father’s a marechi after all!” he revealed. 

you widened your eyes, promptly you went and attacked him with one of your breathing forms.

but, he was able to deflect it.

of course, he’s not like those demons you killed on your way here. this guy is at the top of the chain here. what’s more is that he’s second rank in the lower moon.

“how did you know about my mother going missing?” you asked him.

he tilted his head in confusion and sighed.

“gosh… you’re not that good up here, are you?” he said, pointing to his temple. looking at you with a pitiful expression.

“what?!” you refuted, burrowing your brows together. 

“how did i learn about it? who else would know but the victim themselves, witnesses and… the culprit.” he grinned widely.

“i mistook your mother as the one who had a marechi blood, but when i came back the next evening. it turned out that you moved somewhere else to look for your missing mother that was already in my stomach! hahaha! thankfully, i was able to find your father again. i didn’t care about you, so that was the only reason you’re still alive right now.”

your sight almost turned blurry.

she wasn’t missing nor did she run away because she got tired of living a poor life. it was this thing in front of you who took her away from you and your father.

my mother…

my father…

this demon took my family from me…

i’m going to kill him.

i’m going to kill him!

your body moved on its own. you closed your distance and tried to cut his neck, but to no avail. you failed to cut him down, because he hardened his neck.

your blade and his hard body exchanged blows. yet, it seems like you’re the only one taking the damage.

your attacks, though surely were supposed to be strong, were affected by your rapid and reckless spontaneous decision. it was erratic and weaker in force.

but, that didn’t mean he would hold back with his attack against you.

in such a short time, not even five minutes passed, you were covered with bruises and injuries. not that you had even the smallest amount of attention to look at it.

as you were blown away by his punch, you immediately got on your feet and tried to unleash another technique. 

he must admit that even though it’s evident that you’re not thinking straight, your attacks are still affecting him. 

until, he chanted the words ‘blood demon art’.

ah… that’s right, he still hasn’t used it. even though i’m beat up already. but, i can’t stop my body.

i don’t want to stop.

the only thing on my mind is wanting to see his head separated from his body.

i want to avenge my parents.

i don’t care if i wound up dead, as long as i manage to do it.

“blood demon art: countless projectiles.” he said and numerous long, black lines like the ones on his came appeared.

they moved towards you at an unbelievable speed.

nevertheless, your body was on auto-pilot. you still moved forward and still wanted to cut his head.

i don’t care anymore.

“(y/n)!” 

suddenly, himejima appeared in front of you deflecting all the attacks coming at you. somehow, it irked you.

“heh… someone capable arrived.” kokumo muttered, smirking.

“please move aside, himejima-san. i’ll kill that demon myself. don’t get in my way.” you claimed and stepped forward.

himejima tried to analyze your condition.

you were breathing heavily and it seems like every inhale is hard to do. he could hear the faint gushing sound of your blood coming out of every wound you have.

“i’m sorry, there were a lot more demons here than i thought and they stalled me.” he explained, but you didn’t respond.

“(y/n), i’ll take it from here—” 

“i said i’ll kill that demon myself!” you turned your head to him, glaring at his face. “i don’t care if i die as long as he dies too!”

before he could even reply to you, you took off and charged at kokumo one more time.

kokumo released another attack, with nothing but death on the demon in front of you in your mind, you failed to recognize his plan.

you were surrounded by almost infinite numbers of projectiles. there’s no way you could dodge all of them.

“die!” kokumo exclaimed proudly.

i’m done.

you closed your eyes to brace yourself on getting punctured by the projectiles, but it never came. 

you decided to open your eyes and found kokumo turning around as he just realized where you were. you looked up and saw himejima and his side profile as he carried you in a bridal style. he set you down and leaned your back on the boulder’s surface.

he managed to cancel his attacks in such a short time. you thought as he wiped some of the blood on your face. you wondered how he knew there was blood on your face, but you can’t question him about something like that right now.

“why are you throwing your life away so easily like that?” he said under his breath, you almost didn’t hear him. he looked rather sad rather than upset.

“it’s my life. i’ll decide when i’m throwing my life away or not.” you replied and looked at kokumo who’s getting more irritated that he’s having a hard time already with you and now someone who’s a lot stronger came. “and right now, i’m willing to throw it away as long as i kill that bastard.” you added. 

you were about to stand up once again when you saw kokumo pounce on where you two were, but himejima stopped you. 

“stone breathing second form: upper smash.” he attacked. 

he managed to hit kokumo when he threw his spiked flail upwards and pulled the chain rapidly to create a force once it hit its target. he also threw his axe and was able to cut deep through his left chest across his right chest. this caused kokumo to jump backwards as he heals himself from wounds that the spikes gave him.

“don’t get in my way, himejima-san! i’ll be the one killing him!” you shouted as you shakily stood up. using your hand by holding on to the boulder to balance your body, while your other hand is still firmly held on your sword.

himejima didn’t say anything, he didn’t look back at you. the sound of his chains getting dragged back to him was the prominent sound that you heard at that moment.

“do you not treasure your life?” he asked.

why does he keep getting in my way and asking me that? i already told him earlier that he doesn’t know anything about what i experienced and leave me alone!

fine!

“my family has been killed by that guy. my best friend was also killed by the former lower rank 2. i’ve been left alone because of these demons and you’re asking me if i treasure my life?!” you snapped at him, not noticing how your tears gathered around your eyes.

“everyone that i cherished has been killed and taken away from me already! i don’t care anymore! i don’t want—” your tears have started falling.

your emotions pouring out like an overfilled cup, but his next question left you speechless.

“aren’t your tsugukos waiting for the dangos?” he uttered, shifting his body to you.

“huh?”

it seems like your world has stopped spinning. you stood there silently with wide eyes.

my tsugukos…

akiro… kenji…

“master, this dango’s really delicious!” “you should try some, master!” “hey! kenji! that’s mine!” “eh? master wanted to eat some too!” “why would you get it from me then?” “i already ate all of mine. i can give this to master, right, ‘akiro-niisan’?” “tsk. go ahead. just know it’s not because you called me ‘nii-san’.” “yeah, yeah.”

“master, please be careful on your mission today!” “get back to us in one piece. i’ll take care of kenji here, so don’t worry.” “and, please bring some dango again, hehe!”

your knees suddenly gave up, you sat on the ground, staring at the bracelet that they both made for you. they jokingly said that it will protect you because they made it, but still you wore it. because of the same reason. 

they made it. for you.

kokumo finished healing himself and tried to use his projectiles again, but himejima, before kokumo finished his attack, flung his chain and chopped one of kokumo’s legs. he fell down and hid himself using a fort that he built with his blood demon art right there and then. at least, himejima knew that he wouldn't run away.

“you said…” himejima started. you raised your head and looked at him with blurry eyes caused by tears. “...that you’ll protect them until they achieve their goals and dreams.” 

you shook your head in denial, wanting to refute what he was about to say but no words came out of your lips. 

the picture of akiro and kenji seeing your crow arrive and thinking you’re back. but, then breaking down in tears once they’ve heard your passing kept replaying in your mind.

“are you going to throw away your life knowing your students are waiting patiently for your return and they welcome you back like always?” he asked, grabbing the chance that kokumo is hiding himself and walked to you.

he kneeled down on his one foot in front of you.

“no! no!” you finally spoke, bawling. you grabbed ahold of his green haori and looked up at him. 

“i don’t want them to suffer! i don’t want them to feel hurt again! i don’t want them to be abandoned yet again! they’re finally happy and smiling! i don’t want to see them crying again! they’re my only salvation left here in this world! i don’t want them to be left again.” you sobbed as you snuggled your face on his chest.

his large hands landed on your hair and back, pushing you closer to him providing you comfort and ease.

but, the picture of them crying wasn't leaving your mind.

i’m sorry… i’m sorry… i’m not going to throw my life carelessly anymore… 

i’ll be home later with the dangos that you two wanted, so wait for me.

you pulled away from him and wiped your face. you were still sniffing, but you were sure it wouldn’t be in the way of your breathing technique.

“i’m fine now.” you told him and he just nodded.

he stood up and stepped backwards. you looked at him when you saw him do that. you glanced at him with a confused look.

“i won’t get in your way anymore.” he said with a small smile.

“why?” you questioned, not understanding why now.

“i’m not hearing that your mind is in disarray anymore. you can do it.” he encouraged and clasped his hand together again.

you smiled.

i see. so that’s why…

you looked at kokumo, he just removed the fort he made. with an enraged face, he chanted his art technique yet again.

but, you didn’t care. not even when you’re injured and full of wounds. you closed your distance with him. when you calculated the right distance, you stopped walking.

originally, my ice breathing had only four forms. it’s a breathing that only i used, so it’s hard to make forms. 

but, i have this attack in my mind. i never executed it, even in practice, but i’m getting a feeling that i can do it.

“ice breathing fifth form: complete stillness”

it was a technique that makes the surroundings around you, with a certain distance, frozen. this makes them immobilized for three seconds.

but those three seconds are just what you need.

i’m sorry, my dear best friend, mom, and dad. 

i always thought that once i kill this guy, i’ll join you there. but, it seems like i won’t be able to now.

you see, i have two children looking forward to my return.

i’m sorry and thank you for being my will to live. i’ve found another reason to continue living too.

kokumo’s head rolled on the ground and his body soon fell over, but just as you. the exhaustion finally caught up to you. 

the difference between your body and kokumo’s is that his body fell flat on the dirty soil, while yours was immediately caught by himejima, carrying your body in a bridal style yet again.

you tried to open your eyes, you barely managed to. when you saw himejima’s face, you smiled brightly.

“himejima-san…” you called with half-lidded orbs.

“hm?” he hummed, gazing down at you. after he checked that kokumo’s body had started turning into ashes, he started walking out of the forest.

“i killed him… without dying…” you said proudly.

“you’re right. i’m relieved we’re going out of this forest both alive. you did so well. i’m proud of you.” he complimented without skipping a beat.

something did skip a beat and it’s your heart. hearing his genuine compliment and relief, puts a blush on your cheeks even though your body is so tired.

what’s more is that you’re worried that his acute hearing caught that.

ugh, so embarrassing. i’ll just pretend to be asleep.

you rested your head on his shoulder and tried to make it seem like you’ve fallen asleep.

cute. himejima chuckled silently.

…

“master?” akiro uttered confusedly.

it was already dawn and they were both up. kenji heard what he said and excitedly went to the door to welcome you. 

“eh?” he said, just as confused as the other boy.

himejima-san??? 

you still had your arms wrapped tightly around his neck, but this time out of embarrassment.

i didn’t think he would walk me back to my house while carrying me!

please put me down!

but, i can’t say it!

people are staring!

you peeked and tried to look if you were close to your house already. your crow did the work of guiding him to where your residence is, because you realized he’s going to carry you, so you hid your face.

you saw akiro and kenji on the front door with confused looks on their faces.

“h-himejima-san, we’re close to my house already, so you can put me down already. i’ll walk on my own now—” 

“no. you hurt your feet in the fight, you’re not supposed to be walking.” he cut you off and continued walking. 

he heard a conversation about their ‘master’, so he knew what direction he would be going.

he stopped right in front of them, looming over the two children with his enormous height. they were obviously frightened.

“p-please give us back our master.” akiro asked.

“what did you do to our master?!” kenji interrogated, while akira shielded him securely behind him.

akiro examined the man carrying you and noticed that he was wearing the same uniform as yours and his golden buttons.

you tapped on himejima’s back, signaling him to let you down. finally putting you down carefully, supporting your back as you get on your feet.

you looked over to akiro and kenji and smiled.

they were still confused, but slowly made their way to you. 

you kneeled down. for their ages, they’re quite tall, making you gaze up at them. you opened your arms and pulled them into an embrace.

“i’m home…” you whispered, hugging them even tighter.

the two children were surprised, you’ve come home from missions, easy and perilous missions, but you never came home in this manner.

akiro was about to ask what happened when he heard you sniffle. he worriedly peeked at the younger one and was about to ask if he knew what’s happening, only to see him bawling already.

“wahhh! why are you crying, master?” he cried, snuggling his face on your clothes.

“mhm-mm.” you shook your head. you withdrew from the hug, but kenji didn’t want to let go, that’s why he continued hugging you. 

“nothing. i’m just happy i was able to come back home.” you answered him, caressing his head.

you looked at akiro and put your hand over his cheeks lightly.

“akiro, where’s my ‘welcome back’?” you asked, chuckling softly.

he doesn’t understand it. 

the reason why you came home crying, why you’re doing this, and why you’re being like this.

he doesn’t understand why it makes him feel relieved that you look like you’ve finally lifted off of the heavy weight on your back that you never talked about.

he doesn’t understand why you’re looking at them like your world is them.

he doesn’t understand why he feels so overwhelmed seeing you like this when he doesn’t even understand anything.

yet, he can’t stop his tears as you wait for him and stare at him tenderly.

“w… welcome back, master.” he welcomed finally as he nestled himself next to his brother.

you looked behind and met himejima, crying as usual, as he listened to the three of you.

“himejima-san. thank you for making me realize i have something to protect.” you thanked him, smiling and hoping he could hear your genuine grateful feelings.

he smiled, though tears continued flowing.

“no…” he replied smiling and suddenly remembered something.

“more importantly,” he lifted his hands and you laughed. 

akiro and kenji looked up while wiping their tears and they suddenly lit up. 

“shall we eat this now?” he raised the bag on his hands and inside are dangos that are waiting to be consumed.

“dango!” the two boys said in unison.

kenji ran to him and himejima gave him the bag. the boy happily cheered, completely forgetting how scared he was by the person in front of him earlier. himejima just ruffled his hair and kenji pulled him by his fingers to come inside the estate.

akiro helped you get up, you limped while walking and accidentally let out a hiss in pain. until, himejima once again carried you.

“himejima-san! i’m fine! oh gosh…” you said to him.

he raised his brow in confusion.

“you’re obviously not.” he muttered matter-of-factly.

“akiro—” you were about to say to akiro that you can just ask akiro to support you while walking, but the kid was not there anymore.

you looked at the front and he was there with kenji, who was delighted by the dango, and akira was giving you a teasing look.

that kid!

ugh… it’s so embarrassing!

it’s even more embarrassing knowing he can surely hear how fast my heart is thumping right now!

“me too…” he suddenly spoke.

you glanced up at him.

“thank you.” he thanked you.

“huh? why? i didn’t do anything though…” you were muddled by what he’s saying.

the corner of his lips moving upwards, it’s not visible but from your position, it’s easy to point out.

“i also realized that i have someone to protect outside of my responsibility as a demon slayer.” he said.

“huh?” i did that? “when did i—”

“for the next hashira meeting next week, i’m hoping for your presence there in a full condition.” he said while he set you down on the tatami floor.

akiro and kenji went to get silverwares to eat the dangos, leaving both of you alone in the living room.

“i’ll try my best to recover fast.” you promised, looking at all your wounds and injuries that were already aided by the kakushis, that you didn’t hear what he whispered.

“...say it to you.” were the only words you caught.

“what was that?” you asked him, but akiro and kenji came back from the kitchen.

“let’s eat this now before it gets chewy.” he redirected your attention.

he sat in front of you while akira occupied the left side of the table and kenji did for the right side.

the boys started eating and exclaimed how delicious it was. you decided to eat some too, picking up one stick and gently taking a bite.

himejima silently listened to all of you enjoying the taste of the sweet. he smiled as he focused on your voice.

“please eat up, himejima-san.” you offered him, reaching for another stick and gave it to him. “it’s really delicious.”

“i see. i’ll try some too, then.” he said and took a bite. “it really is delicious.”

“see!” you chuckled.

it made him smile and thought to himself.

‘during those seven days before the meeting, i’ll be sure that what i’m feeling is much more than wanting to reason for your hatred for demons. so, please be there when i finally get the courage to say it to you.’, that's what i said earlier, but now i’m certain.

it wasn’t a kind of worry you will have for your colleague.

i wasn’t familiar with this feeling, so i thought it was just normal.

i’ll just pray she’ll accept my feelings.

‘(y/n), i know you don’t need protection. you’re strong after all. i’ll still promise that i'll always protect you and those who are precious to you.’

i want to say that to you.

but, not now.

you’ve just realized that witnessing these two precious boys' growth are worth living for and you should only be focusing on that for now.

“i look forward to that day.” he muttered to himself and took another bite.

hope you enjoyed that one, because i did. reblogs would be much appreciated!

if you'd like to support me and my broke ass, you can tip me at my ko-fi acc! thank you very much!

[olderthannetfic]

RE: porn addiction discussion:

I've seen a lot of both breakups and divorces over that very thing in the past decade, Imo I don't think its reasonable to expect everyone who has seen a dissolving in their relationship due to the excessive pornography usage of one partner partner to just suck it up and get used to liking porn themselves, accept watching porn together as a replacement for their sex life, otherwise /they/ must be some non-communicative creep who just wants to use their partner like a dildo.

More and more chicks get pressured by guys into doing that. Or like the other asker said, acting out things from porn that they dont wanna do, and regret it/dont enjoy it. I think its less about ~protecting pristine sacred christian piv~ and more of an acknowledgement that its not realistic to expect the majority of sexual relationships to be able to healthily function like that as long as theres 'communication'.

Communication isn't the end all be all when there's only one clear party that this scenario benefits. The person with the broken dick. To promote the idea that they should, can and is be used against people who don't want that for themselves or their relationship, under the guise that if their boundaries are firm they must be some flavor of "sex negative/christian/radfem/prude"

There's nuance to the topic. People with the same level of porn usage can be happy together, engage in their kinks mutually, all that jazz. But there are also an increasing number of relationships where a dude uses porn and sex-positive language to pressure chicks into doing things they dont want to, having the kind of sex life that they dont want to, which becomes a slippery slope. Or a dude gets so into porn that hes leaving it open on his computer for their kids to see in an exhibitionist sort of way, completely disregarding welfare.

And I don't mean that as any sort of hyperbole or rhetoric, that example happened with my own Dad. Lemme tell you, your father leaving open pages and pages of anorexic amputee torture porn on the family computer that you, as an 8 year old girl, have to rush to close before your younger siblings come in the door after you home from school, will have an impact on both that relationship and ones level of comfort with porn longterm.

And even then, I still got into relationship after relationship once I was old enough, where guys were constantly wanting to replace sex with watching porn with them, and when we did have sex they always wanted to 'try something they saw' rather than just have fun doing something mutually enjoyable and intuitive. Partners sneaking off at my 15 year old sisters birthday party to jack off to 'teen porn' in the bathroom, leaving home for work early just to jack off in a gas station parking lot for 2 hours, watching porn in bed next to me when I have to get up for work soon, being unable to maintain an erection without porn-related stimuli (be it watching or scenarios), spiraling into cheating, etc. Years and years of sex positivity, attempts at understanding, experimenting, and accommodating, and communication on my end didn't help, until that communication was "I can't keep trying to salvage this by myself anymore, I'd be happier alone."

Not everyone is going to be down with it, or should push themselves to be, and not all reasons for not wanting that for your own sex life are rooted in some Christian or Radfem rhetoric. Lived experience plays a role in such stances. Strong boundaries can be hard to build when there's pressure in both the bedroom and outside world that the ones you have are 'wrong', but it's worth it to stand up for ones own comfort, security, and happiness rather than endlessly accommodating.

Personally, I'm overjoyed to have now found a longterm relationship now where the furthest extent of that either partner engages with is fanfic and lewd art. I wish everyone the same luck in finding a partner that has compatible desires.

--

~broken dick~

Oh please.

This kind of discussion is obsessed with "porn" meaning mainstream live action porn aimed at straight guys and with the kind of dumbass men who think that stuff is a model to emulate. In reality, there are shittons of types of porn. People who pressure their partners suck regardless of why.

These experiences sound shitty, but I'm still rolling my eyes at this spin.

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. Hiya, please help me find this fic! Lan Zhan is the king/emperor and has to choose a consort/empress. There is a bridal selection held and I know Mianmian was one of the candidates. They do a series of challenges and Lan Zhan basically tricks Wei Wuxian into completing them/qualifying. At one point, the candidates have to go through this maze, and Wei Wuxian gets 'kidnapped' and dumped in the maze and finds his way out really fast out into a hall where everyone is just like 'how the hell did he get in there and come out so fast?' and Lan Zhan uses that to show the council/elders that Wei Wuxian is a perfectly acceptable choice while WWX is just confused as always. Thank you! @iuocean

FOUND? The Imperial Jewel by Serinah (E, 39k, WangXian, Emperor and his concubine, Dubious Consent,bExtreme at first, gets better, A/B/O, omega wwx,bAlpha LWJ, Concubine WWX, Emperor LWJ, Oblivious Wwx, wwx's pov, Mutual Pining, Angst and Feels, Deviates From Canon, WWX has a golden core, but still practices dark arts, WWX exchanges his life for the Wens’, other differences, UST, S/D, undrenegotiated kink, Orgasm Denial, Multiple Orgasms,bOther kinks, WWX likes spanking, Smut and Feels, fucking while pining, noncon, for the beginning of the first scene, It Gets Better, starts smutty, gets plotty, ends lovely, Feels, Power Imbalance, Public Sex)

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2. Hi there! Im not sure if I have already asked this or if I dreamt it but I have been looking for one specific ff for almost three years now. It's on ao3 and the only plot points I remember were that it was a modern au, wangxian were friends, something happened to wwx and the decided to go on a little impulsive roadtrip (Iwj phoned his brother and said "I am eloping with wei ying" which was funny but he was so serious deep inside) and then they found out they have been in love all along and get together.

Another thing I remember is that the author put a lot of songs into the fic for the roadtrip and I have all the song names;

the brummies - lovers do

give my heart a little break - summer salt

I don't wanna be okay without you - charlie burg

honeymoon - the shadowboxers

You'd think with all the songs I could have found it by now but I can't seem to win. If you can find anything please please I will sell my firstborn :) that fic was comfort like you can't believe @mdzshemel

FOUND? 🔒 and i think it's going to be a long, long time by belovedmuerto (T, 39k, WangXian, Road Trips, Modern, There Was Only One Bed, Slow Burn, Getting Together, Pining, Weddings, sibling relationships)

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3. hi, fic finder request! i know that it was a royalty au where lxc was the king and jgy was married to him, but from there my memory is vague... i seem to recall a scene (that may or may not have involved a mirror?) where jgy is using dark magic and eventually lxc and the rest of the lan family and kingdom find out the jgy is evil. jgy was using the dark magic to poison someone, either lxc or himself (?) TYSM for helping!!

FOUND? the lotus in between by whiteskyland (Not Rated, 22k, LXC/JC, LXC/JGY, WangXian, WIP, Angst, Whump, JC Needs a Hug, A/B/O, Alpha LXC, Omega JC, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Arranged Marriage, Royalty, Hurt/Comfort, Omega JGY, JC Has No Golden Core)

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4. Hello! I'm I'm desperate to find a Wangxian fic with a Modern AU where JC wants to adopt a dog, and they recommend WWX to see a therapist or work at a veterinarian (I don't remember well) and that's where LWJ comes in. But supposedly he has a dark secret that he can't tell WWX, the thing is that I don't remember if it's a werewolf AU or something else like that. I honestly don't know if it's still on ao3, but I'll keep looking for it and I thought it was worth it to ask here if anyone remembers or knows this fic.

Maybe you'll have better luck that me, anyway thanks for listening to my ramblings!!!

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5. Hi! I’m looking for a fic that takes place in the cloud recesses era. When WWX is supposed to be punished, instead of copying the rules in the library, both WWX and LWJ teach the younger Lan disciples sword forms and fighting. During this time they bond and start a relationship.

I just remember a scene where they are putting away the wooden swords and they lock themselves in the shed (?) and start making out? (I think??).

Thanks! @estathom

FOUND? 💖 Magical Marriage Ribbons Series by starandrea (Varies, 1m, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Accidental Marriage, Fluff, Happy Ending, Telepathic bond, Kink Negotiation, Family Drama, Magical Pregnancy, Dual Cultivation, Shapeshifters, Modern with Magic, Immortality, Yilling Wei Sect, podfic) one of the magical marriage ribbon series, closer to the beginning // the second work

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6. I am looking for a canon-era fic where Wuxian was the son of Lan Qiren and Cangse Sanren. Neither Wuxian or Lan Qiren know this, as they both presume Wei Changze was Wuxian’s father. They learn the truth during the Cloud Recesses study arc when the class learns a talisman that writes out family trees. Qiren demands to take Wuxian from Lotus Pier and continue raising and teaching him in the Lan.

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7. hello! i'm trying to find a modern au wangxian fic where wwx is living with the wens and lwj is a performance artist coming to the (local) yiling gallery, and they meet again while lwj is doing his exhibition (he's like. running a booth where he just stares into the other person's eyes for like 10 minutes). it's on the shorter side - i want to say it's 3 chapters? @grillanarchy

FOUND! when you say nothing at all by sysrae (T, 5k, WangXian, Modern, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, artist LWJ, tattoo artist WWX, past angst, Getting Together, emotionally significant art installations, Soulmates)

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8. Hello.

I'm sorry for asking at the you are off. But it's been bugging my mind. I've read these fic before but i forgot the title and where i read it.

Do you know a fic its m/m where lan zhan and wei ying married and wei ying had a miscarriage so both of them go to somewhere and ended in a village. They lived in there for a while until wei ying got pregnant again and decided to go back to gusu?

And one fic where wei ying is pregnant and had been followed by the lan juniors while lan zhan gone to somewhere?

Please help me. @rottenapple116

FOUND? Sky, Cloud and Lotus by Xantya24 (M, 219k, WangXian, JC/LXC, LJY/LSZ/JL, WIP, Mpreg, A/B/O, Everyone Lives, Certain characters are dead as canon, Family Fluff, Angst, Sad with a Happy Ending, Miscarriage, Bullying, Graphic Description, Isolation, Dreams and Nightmares, Things can get fucked up)

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9. Hello! I'm searching for a fic where wei ying is actually the son of wen ruohan and cangse sanren. I only remember the part where wen ruohan visited lotus pier and saw wei ying being whipped to death by yu ziyuan and him being absolutely livid. I think wen xu was also there, he was really nice and showed wei ying the wen's market(?). thank you!!

FOUND? Scars of Lightning by The_peregrine_falcon (T, 6k, YZY & WWX, WWX & WRH, WangXian, YZY's A+ Parenting, Canon Divergence, Not Canon Compliant, Wen WWX, zidian, YZY is a bitch, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Injury, Major Character Injury, Heavy Angst, Lotus Pier, Nightless City, Young WWX, Muteness, Hurt kind of comfort) Though he's not WRH blood son but adopted son in it. WRH does see him get attacked by YZY though, somewhere in the middle of the fic

FOUND? The Littlest Sun by Kuroishuuha (T, 23k, WWX is a Wen, Wen Wuxian, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe, Good Parent WRH, Not YZY Friendly, Medical Inaccuracies, Family Fluff, Good Brother WX) It has WWX as WRH child and a shopping scene with WX.

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10. Hello I was suggested to seek help here to find fics that I have been trying to find for a really really long time. I hope you could help me with them.

A. The fic was set post canon where Lan Wangji seemed to have lost his memory of WWX and Wei Wuxian tries to help him get his memory back. This seems to be a common premise but what resonated me about the fic was that there was a use of a song to cure the memory loss and the song required lots of energy and thus Wei Wuxian had decided to play the song in parts and Wangxian navigate around eachother as LWJ slowly gets his memory back in snippets.

B. This one is set in post canon as well but this focuses much more on the relationship of Wei Wuxian with Lan Sizhui and Jin Ling. In this fic it seems that Wei Wuxian tends to favour Lan Sizhui above anyone else and thus Jin Ling gets jealous at this prospect. I don't remember many finer details of the story besides these.

10B)

FOUND? Not Yet (There As Needed) by sunrise_and_death (T, 13k, LSZ & WWX, JL & WWX, JL & LSZ, WangXian, Post-Canon, Family Feels, Family Bonding, POV LSZ, This Fic Has Everything, even more yearning, WWX & LSZ figuring out wtf their relationship is, Dramatic Revelations, JL being the contrary lil bean he is, all the juniors thinking WWX is the greatest thing to ever happen to them, and in case you missed it yearning)

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11. Hiiiii. Im looking for a fic where wei ying is either a tiger or wolf and he gets stuck in that form for awhile. I just remember he goes missing for awhile and lwj is looking for him - i think they are engaged or married then. Lwj finds him with sl and xxc. I think he gets stuck in that form after fighting wc or wzl or wx and he goes around trying to get a glimpse of someone in white or hes looking for lwj's scent?

Sorry its so vague 🙈 but thats all i remember

FOUND? 🔒 Unstoppable by Netrixie (T, 150k, WangXian, LXC & WWX, Canon Divergence, Eventual Happy Ending, Unreliable Narrator, Slow Burn, Minor Original Character(s), Cloud Recesses, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Angst, Wolf-shifter WWX, Resolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Romantic Tension, Fix-It, Werewolf, Shapeshifters, Sunshot Campaign, Translation Available, Russian, Canonical Lan arm strength)

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12. Hiii

Thank you so much for all your hard work 💜

Can you please find me a fic where Lan Zhan and Wei Ying meet in a game. I think Wei Ying's avatar and Wen Chao's avatar were married and then Wen Chao divorced Wei ying's character and lan zhan offers a marriage proposal.

Then they meet and gradually fall in love in real life too

I think Hualian comes up in the fic where Hua Cheng is the owner of the company which created the game .

🩵🩵🩵🩵

FOUND? Dreams of Cultivation by mortuus_lingua (M, 97k, WangXian, LXC/JC, SL/XXC, HC & XL, Gaming, Wuxia, Nonbinary Character, Queer Themes, LWJ Uses Actual Words, Nonbinary NHS, Nonbinary XXC, BAMF WQ, Modern, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Oblivious WWX, Protective JC, Cinnamon Roll WN, Developing Relationship)

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13. Hii! Im currently looking for a fic on ao3, about wwx crossdressing and faking being lwj wife. I dont remember if it was post ressurection or not, and i think wen qing might have been involved in the lie? But i could be wrong. There were two moments that i remember, that when wwx tells the truth to Lan qiren he reveals he already knew and that wwx fakes fainting at some point to shame someone over a rude remark.

FOUND? My Leaves Reach Ever for the Sun by nonplussed (T, 26k, WangXian, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fix-It, Crossdressing, Idiots in Love, Sharing a Bed, Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies) if he's just pretending to have married LWJ

FOUND? The Amazing Adventures Of Jiang Xiaolian And Family by bumbledees (T, 71k, WangXian, JYL/JZX, JC/WN, Mild to Moderate Pining, lotus pier siblings quietly also have a penchant for chaos, WWX will make LQR like him whether the old man likes it or not, WWX just wants to have fun and not be killed and also to go to his sister's wedding, Mutual Pining, WWX is more stubborn than a boulder and twice as dense, Everybody Lives, nobody who matters anyways, except for WN, you're an angel and we're delighted you're here, WangXian canon is sad bitch let's get you some fun, "WWX fools the entire cultivation world", "and kicks up drama in front of their salad", testimonial from reader Vapid_Girl and a good summary of this fic, warnings for sexual harassment due to JGS, and for the canonical behavior of the jin clan ie war crimes, forced labor, human trafficking, etc., hello naughty jin cultivators it's revenge time :), jiang "rolling gay crisis" wanyin, wen "deserved better" qionglin, yunmeng bros feelings, copious use of bad language grace à JC, my oddball collection of headcanons concerning fierce corpses, WN has a playful streak, anyone friends with WWX has to have one on some level, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, extremely brief mention of something approaching a conversion camp but it's just two sentences, Happy Ending, Let JC Experience Happiness, WN is technically undead in this so uhhh warning for that, he's far more like a vampire than a zombie honestly, so JC gets his own YA supernatural romance novel basically, at least WN doesn't sparkle????, Crack Taken Mostly Seriously, like many of WWX's best ideas it starts as a joke!, purposeful baby aquisition, WWX when will you learn that there are consequences to your actions) if the marriage actually happens. // 100% sure that 13 is The Amazing Adventures of Jiang Xiaolian, I just finished reading that and it fits perfectly. // WWX pretends to faint in chapter 6 and LQR reveals he figured it out (and threw a teapot against the wall when he did so) in chapter 19.

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14. Hi! I'm looking for a fic that was funny I think, LWJ goes into the past, don't remember if it'd on purpose or not, it's the first night they meet, and instead of repeating the rules, he flirts with WWX and WWX can't handle it and I remember specifically LWJ thinking now I see why WWX teases, this is fun. And he says something along the lines of I won't tell anyone if you give me a kiss, and apparently LXC was there because they next day he says he didn't realize his brother was so smooth.

I've searched and searched (and got lost in new fics), if you guys are able to find it, that would be amazing!

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15. Thank you all for this glorious blog. I have a fic finder request. For a solid 3 months I have been trying to find it but alas. It's wangxian, f/f, on ao3. I think it's arranged marriage. Wangxian are married in any case but lwj isn't interested in anything but sex while wwx is very much in love with lwj. At some point, just as wwx starts thinking lwj might be softening toward her, she finds out that lwj is to have a concubine, Mianmian who lwj is old friends with. So wwx starts pulling away to give lwj opportunity to be with MM and is just very miserable.

I don't know for sure if wwx goes for a visit to Lotus Pier and that's where it happens or if she's holing up somewhere in Cloud Recesses, but Lwj goes to her and apologizes and they talk it through and there is a happy ending.

I BELIEVE it's 3 chapters but it could be 5. Anyway it's SO GOOD and I'm aching to reread it. @trulywicked

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16. Hi, its my first time asking for a fic but i remember a jiang cheng centered fic which was about if jiang cheng found out bout the golden core transfer earlier. In that, wuxian doesnt die nor do the remanents and i was just wondering if you can find it because i cant remember what the name was. Thank you in advance^-^

FOUND? Rewrite the stars by Moonlit_dewdrops (T, 70k, JC & JYL & WWX, WangXian, JC/WQ, JYL & MM & WQ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Protective JC, yunmeng sibling love, Canon Divergence, Lives get saved, Yunmeng sibling bonding,bHurt/Comfort, Protective JYL, Golden Core Reveal, JYL & JZX Live, Fix-It, fuck JGS, JZN too, no one tolerating jin sect's bullshit, Found Family, JC GETS TO BE HAPPY AND IS MARRIED, JYL & WQ & MM GET TO BE SWORN SISTERS, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, just a bit, WWX has PTSD due to Burial Mounds, Very protective younger bro vibes, soft JC, Family Feels, Healing, Not Everyone Dies, Twin Prides of Yunmeng Feels, WWX will get a New Golden Core, justice for the wen remnants)

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17. Hii, absolutely love your page. Have come across such great fics here. I am actually looking a for a Wangxian fanfic which I think was CQL post-canon. I remember just this part where LWJ & WWX were going to get married and like just one day before their marriage (by the way all the guests and sects are there at Cloud Recesses), someone releases a dog/wolf yao or something similar and WWX gets like critically injured trying to project Sizhui. I remember really loving the fic but I can’t seem to find it anywhere:( Would really appreciate it if you could perhaps find it <3<3

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18. Looking for a fic where WWX made these like talisman things that stored memories are smth like that and then he dies and when he comes back his memories/past were shown to the cultivation world through those talismen and everyone is like “he’s a good guy!” and JC and LWJ tag along with WWX

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19. I'm looking for a wangxian fic :D I believe it was a characters-watching-their-series or watching-a-character's memories kind of fic, but where it was shown in songs. I specifically remember the characters watching married wangxian to the song Dandelions by Ruth B, and I think WWX's parents may have been there as well, so potentially there was a little bit of time magicky stuff too? Thank you for your help! @shieldherostuffs

FOUND? Mo Dao Zu Shi: The Musical by Loveable_Psychopath (Not Rated, 117k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel, Fix-it, Song Fic, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking) The song is in the last chapter

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20. Hi! Can you help me find a fic? It's a (sort of) time travel fix-it where the Lans (LWJ and LQR are the ones i remember the most) are nice to WWX and it confuses him a lot. I remember a scene where WWX was asking about the "energy is energy" thing, expecting to get kicked out of the class by LQR, but he gets his answer calmly(?) and confused on why some of the Lans look like they're nostalgic from what he just said

FOUND? Cluster of Clouds by Nika_Raven_Celeste (T, 20k, WangXian, LWJ & WWX, LQR & WWX, JC & WWX, WIP, Time Travel, The Lans from Post Canon Time Traveled to Cloud Recesses Study Era, ALL The Lans from Post Canon, The Lans ADORES WWX, Confused WWX, Soft LQR, Soft LWJ , LWJ CAN communicate, Not JC Friendly , not YZY Friendly, Genius WWX, Horny LWJ, but he still has some restraints, Oblivious WWX)

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[yourimagines]

What he likes about you fluff

* English is not my first language I apologise

* Triggers: Fluff

A = Admiration, what he absolutely adore about you: That you love his music, your always singing along and dancing. You show you love for his work.

B = Body, what is his favorite part of your body: Your hands, they look smaller than his, the way you touch him makes him feel all soft.

C = Cuddling, how he likes to cuddle: He likes to be the little spoon, he loves to feel your arms wrapped around his torso and feeling the little kisses you place on his back.

D = Dates, what his ideal date with you would look like: Going on a vacation trip and just act like locals, riding a bike and eat local food.

E = Emotions, how he express his emotions around you: He's not every good with expressing his emotions, it mostly leads him to crying, he's a very emotional person.

F = Family, does he want one? If he does, when: Yes but not now, He's just living his life and thinks he's not ready yet to have those responsibility.

G = Gifts, how he feels about gift giving? What is his habit when it comes to this: He likes to give you things but he loves to make memories with you, that means more to him than just giving you materials.

H = Holding Hands, when/how he likes to hold hands: He holds your hands when he leads you the way through the crowd or city's, he also hold your hands when you cuddle him from behind, touching your fingers softly

I = Injury, how he would act if you got hurt: He would be sad, afraid and angry. He hates to see you cry or hurt.

J = Jokes, does he likes to joke around with or prank you and how: He's pranks but not to much, he doesn't want to disrespect you or making fun with you.

K = Kisses, how he likes to kiss you: he always kisses you with full passion, with emotion. Always holding you face or by your waist, pulling you closer to him.

L = Love, how he shows you he loves you: Bringing you along to his shows, listening to you and making sure your safe with him.

M = Memory, favorite memory together: Dancing together in Italy, on the streets while laughing and having a good time.

N = Nightmare, what is his worst fear: That he hurts you, he doesn't want to make you cry because of him.

O = Oddity, what is one quirk he haves: He sings to you, he always sings for you when he sees your not happy. Trying to make you happy

P = Pet Names, what he likes to call you: Darling, Baby, Sugar, Love, Baby, Honey. He has a lot pet names for you.

Q = Quality Time, how he likes to spend time with you: Exploring the world with him, just being free and appreciate the world.

R = Rhythm, what song reminds you of him: Iris by the goo goo dolls, the world (media) often don't understand him and you know the real him. You think about him when you hear this song, thinking the unfairness the brought up on him.

S = Secrets, how open is he with you: He tells you a lot but not everything, he doesn't want you worry you or something like that.

T = Time, how long did it take you to get together: It took two weeks after the first date because you both were busy, he showed up one day at your work and asked you in private to be his.

U = Upset, how does he acts when you’re upset: He gets upset to, he's a very emotional person and hate to see you like that.

V = Vaunt, what is he proud of, Does he likes to show you off: He's proud that you keep up with his lifestyle and that your a kind person, he loves you for being yourself

W = Warrior, how would he feel about you fighting? Would he fight for you: He hates to see you fight but isn't afraid to fight for you, your his and nobody hurt you.

X = X-Ray, how well can he read you: He knows when somethings wrong or when your nervous. He sees it they way you react and the way you talk.

Y = Yes, how would he propose to you: In a city abroad, somewhere romantic.

Z = Zen, what makes him feel calm: Think about you, making music and feeling you next to him.

[froghwon]

🌱

I hit the tag limit jdbfjjgjdh

Basically all of my fam looked how they did 10 years ago and then I woke up :P

It was a rollercoaster of a dream >.<

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

[harboretum]

Damage control

[ramenwithbroccoli]

finally introducing the other character who also occupies a part of my brain:

Meet Giewont!

while the creator of it, Maria Leszczyńska, originally intended to make a war machine, she struggled a lot with finding resources then. however, with her and her family's life deeply affected by both world wars, the idea never left her mind. inspired by utopian idea of glass houses from a novel "the spring to come" ¹, she created her machine from glass. it would be cheap to make, yet durable, available as help to those in need, able to do hard work in times when it was needed - but if fragile peace was in danger again, it could fight alongside other soldiers. as if to set that role of protector in stone, she named it Giewont ². to test her creation, she gifed it to her brother Andrzej, who owned a small farm near the seaside.

Giewont worked as much as four men, not needing to be paid or fed like people would. it was a perfect solution for everybody, the new industrial revolution. that was, until about half a year into her work, glass started to shatter. it turned out not to be as durable as the utopian story made it to be, especially in contact with rough farm tools. small cracks also started to appear after they worked outside in winter, with low temperatures on the outside and hot steam circulating inside. with her fingers and edges getting sharper every day, Giewont was forbidden from taking care of animals anymore, as she would injure them. she was given the only task with no way to injure others - they recieved a showel fully made from metal and was ordered to dig. she did as she was told, even though the work put strain on her already-falling-apart fingers.

but when one day, when returning home, she noticed daughter of Andrzej, Aniela, swimming too far away from the shore and having trouble coming back, long forgotten wire snapped into its place as she jumped into the water to save her. while Giewont did bring her back home, carrying her in their arms, the girl had severe cuts on her body from coming in contact with robot's sharp hands. furious with his sister creation, Andrzej took it outside, desperate to destroy it. blinded by anger, he didn't even notice the storm gathering over the horizon

Andrzej took the metal showel and struck Giewont on the side on their head, then again, until her body fell and crumbled to pieces. He covered it with sand and raised his hands to deal the final blow.

that's when the lightning struck.

and the man fell to the ground, dead.

the sand melted from the heat around Giewont, filling the empty spaces and connecting the pieces back together. raising from their shallow grave, with body more rigid than what she was used to, she took her shovel and decided to bury the man, with what respect they had left for him. that was, after she dealt the final blow herself.

although miraculous, the lightning didn't return her to the previous state of being. their motions were stiff and some parts of theirs got lost forever among the sands of the beach. the part of her head where the first blow was dealt never worked properly again, rendering Giewont deaf in one ear (or whatever was left from it). however it did some good as well, as it widened the space around her mouth, finally making them able to talk - even if it was simillar to a whistle. determined to help people but with a body that kept hurting everyone around her, Giewont set off into the world, trying to find a home and piece herself together, leaving parts herself and a dead body behind.

footnotes below the cut:

1. "During one pause in their journey, the elder Baryka tells Cezary of an entrepreneur who, along Poland’s Baltic coast, devised an ingenious method for manufacturing durable glass from the vast reserves of pristine sands that had lain for eons beneath coastal peat fields. By a massive Rube Goldberg-type arrangement of channels and a creative method for harnessing the westerly winds (the storytelling here is a literary engineering feat in itself), an incursion of the sea provides power for converting the extracted sand into glass. From this vitreous wonder substance, prefabricated houses of glass are built inexpensively. The houses are strong as steel, hygienic, and easy to heat in winter and keep cool in summer. Whole villages are built with houses of brightly colored glass. Life becomes less of a struggle for mere existence, more civilized, and without the need to toil incessantly. People eat less meat or no meat at all, and begin to revere farm animals as sacred beings. For the reader, the digression serves to freshen the mental palate. For Cezary, however, the story is altogether beguiling, raising the utopian prospect of a more wonderful life, reunited with a homeland that might have been his to begin with and a father he has just rediscovered" - via neh.gov

wow thanks for skimming through footnotes as well! as a reward, here's the first ever design of both Janka and Giewont (which proves they were both created around the same time :] )

2. "Those knights had been in a deep sleep for hundreds of years and they only would wake up if it is time to fight on a great battle. When this day comes, the earth will move, there will be thunders that would shake the sky, many trees will fall and break, and there would be noises when the Border Mountains will break. On that moment the knights will take their horses and they will gallop to fight for Poland once again." - the legend of the sleeping knights

a lot had changed since that time :]

[nebulouscoffee]

Me, attending the latest in a ridiculous number of funerals this year in the place of a childhood friend who couldn't be there, watching the lifeless body of an old lady who used to make me snacks in the kitchen when I was a kid be carted away forever while my friend's mother cries and tells me she's grateful I could be there because it felt like having the support of her own daughter, hugging her and talking reassuringly and not processing a single one of these emotions: ... I am going to write soooo much fanfiction about this

[skunkes]

there is something about how ive given talon all my death woes, as well as one that would only apply to a long living being like him. Something about how he doesn't form bonds anymore because non vampires don't Stay. Something about how ive inserted myself into an world with him and I myself will also leave him behind one day. (Though i guess he'll go with me, but there's also a chance that whenever It Happens he'll still be around in the minds of some as an idea...)

[deus-ex-mona]

“a sicks’ dream come true; coming soon to fanfic channels near you”

[icewindandboringhorror]

is this actually that uncommon? I don’t even unpack just the DAY I return from somewhere, but it’s literally the first thing I do. I do nothing else until I’m unpacked, I have everything organized back in it’s proper place in the house within an hour of getting home lol.. I thought this was typical??? What’s the cultural norm?

[thunderboltage]

went to the pool today and i think i was the first black person this little girl saw in her entire life lmao

[bunnyb34r]

I wish there was a way to convey to your neighbors that you wanna be alone when you're doing yard work sggdgdgd like just bc I'm visible to you and outside does not mean I wanna be friends 😭

And like I don't want to be RUDE to people I just wanna work in peace and do my outside chores 😭😭😭