#and this time as adults with adult consequences that's so scary

[beybuniki]

romantic bakudeku for a kofi request ^-^

[homunculus-argument]

You ever suddenly connect two things from your childhood and it suddenly clicks what your parents meant to do when they did something completely different instead?

I got trained pretty early on to not show fear. I'm aware now that what my parents probably meant to do was to reassure me that whatever I was afraid of is no reason to be scared, and I should feel safe instead, but what I gathered from it was "stop showing this emotion that they don't like to see on you", and since the praise for being So Good About It was immediate, that got immediate affirmation. Good kids show no sign of being scared.

And then once I got older and started encountering situations that were above toddler-levels of scary, adults started to suspect that I don't often seem to understand the gravity of whatever situation is going on. Like I remember several occasions of adults stressing it to me multiple times that I need to be careful, do something, not do something, etc, and had me repeat the possible consequences back to them, and still not seeming convinced that I understood the gravity of the situation.

And just now it clicked. I finally understand what they thought was wrong with me. They didn't think I looked appropriately scared for the seriousness of the situation. I hadn't been expected to never show fear. They had wanted me to only express fear in situations where they thought there's reason to fear.

[rhysazriel]

Smoke & Light: Part 1 [Plug!Az]

SUMMARY: Your ex-boyfriend gives you his dealers number, but you don’t expect for him to be so fine. And you certainly don’t expect him to be so goddamn flirty. (3.4k)

WARNINGS: descriptions and dealings of recreational drugs (weed), little bit of swearing, slight sexual themes and lots of shameless flirting. THIS IS A MODERN AU!!

A/N: the first part is here and I’m so excited!! Im still unsure how many parts this is going to be, but there’s a lot I want to happen in this series so probably (I’m guessing!!) six or seven, but we’ll see!! Anyway, I hope you enjoy <3

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Your patience was wearing thin. Very fucking thin. Those three grey dots mocked you as they bubbled at the bottom of the screen—disappearing and reappearing again—until they were replaced with another less than satisfying message.

Brandon: are you taking the piss? Why didn’t you just ask when you were here earlier?

You scanned the message over, swallowing back the groan at the idea of another potential argument. You needed to nip his attitude in the bud, you weren’t entertaining his bullshit anymore. Gnawing at the inside of your cheek, your fingers quickly typed a response.

You: I didn’t realise I was out until I got home. Can you get any or not? Just lmk

The dots appeared again after a few moments of silence, and you prepared yourself for the snarky remark he was most likely to give you, and took a deep breath to compose yourself in advance.

Brandon: no. I can’t get you any. Sort it out yourself for once.

There was no way in Hell you were going to let your frustrations show. Despite the pure anger and annoyance that began to bubble even more within you.

Brandon could be a lot of things. A liar. A cheat. And a fucking asshole. In all honestly, the only thing he was truly good for was the occasional above par fuck and the fact that his dealer had the best weed you’d ever smoked.

But when they were the only two good things he had going for him, it was hard to justify the disgusting behaviour he showed throughout almost your entire relationship. You broke up every few weeks as it was, but if you’d known about the cheating before, you would’ve left for good sooner.

Instead, you found out a year and half into the relationship, coming to the deafening conclusion that he had, in fact, never been faithful for a single moment of his adult life.

Fuck him. And fuck his shit sex. The weed, you could get yourself.

You: lmao ok. What’s his number?

A heartbeat after he read the text, he was calling you. And the moment you answered the call, he was his usual, un-charming self.

“What the fuck do you mean what’s his number?”

“Hello to you, too.” You murmured, tucking yourself under the blanket on your couch.

His clipped tone didn’t startle you, didn’t worry you about any form of consequences. He wasn’t scary, even when he tried to be. He was just a douche.

“What do you mean what’s his number?” He repeated himself, that agitation growing thicker and thicker with every word he spoke.

“How else am I supposed to get any?”

“Find your own dealer.”

He was being bitter now, pathetically so. You picked at the aged edges of your book, a novel you’d read five times over but one you couldn’t get enough of. Your love for it could be seen by the fading print of the front cover and the severely broken spine—despite how careful you tried to be with your readings.

“Brandon, I’m not going to find a random dealer. Your Azriel guy has good stuff and I know it’s safe. Besides, me going to the same person as you is not going to affect you in any way.”

He was silent for a moment, mulling over your words. Despite his dreadful personality and lack of love and care and compassion, he knew how little you knew about marijuana. He was the one that taught you to roll, after all.

You’d barely smoked before you met him, and on the rare occasions you did get high, it was usually in the form of gummy edibles your friends had. And you weren’t addicted or reliant on it in any way. You just enjoyed a smoke every now and then if you’d had a long day.

Alcohol had never been your favourite, and you much preferred to feel the chilled buzz from a joint than cradle a hangover for two days after a soirée.

“Fine. I’ll text you his number. Say Marco gave it to you, it’s a code he made up—had cops on him a while ago. He can be a bit of an ass, don’t let him shit talk you. Ask for a 3.5, he usually charges 40 for it. It’ll last you a couple weeks unless you’re planning on smoking heavy.”

It was easy to be pulled back in when he was like that. When he did the bare minimum of offering advice on things he knew you weren’t too sure on. But you were better than that now, smarter. You weren’t going to fall back into your old ways again.

Not with him. Not with anyone.

“I’m not. Thank you.”

The line went dead as soon as the words left your mouth and a few moments later, he texted you Azriel’s number. You would’ve appreciated a reminder of what you were supposed to ask for but at least you got his number. Small wins. You weren’t his responsibility anymore.

It took you a few minutes to figure out what to say, your fingers hovering over the keyboard as you typed and erased, typed and erased. Until you settled on ‘Is this Azriel?’ and finally sent the message.

Ten minutes passed and you didn’t get a response. Your nose was tucked back into your romance novel as you chewed on the drawstring of your hoodie. In all honesty, you could’ve quite easily slipped into a peaceful slumber under the warm golden glow of your lamps.

That was another thing Brandon couldn’t respect. Your No Main Light rule. The vibes were always immaculate with gentle warmth from lamps. The main light was not allowed on under any circumstances. You much preferred the cosy feeling of golden hues that accentuated the deep green leaves of your plants and vines that scattered the walls and crevices of your home.

Your phone chimed from your lap, a small surge of anxiety pulsing in your chest. You unlocked the screen and read over the message.

Azriel: depends who’s asking.

Ah, Brandon did warn you. You considered fucking the whole idea off. Maybe cracking open a bottle of wine and snuggling on the couch with a book or tv show would be better than having to meet this asshole, but the bottle of White Zinfandel wouldn’t give you the mellow buzz you wanted.

Not unless you had at least four glasses which was usually paired with a hangover the next day. Something you did not want to entertain. So, you bit the bullet and typed your reply.

You: y/n, got your number from Marco. You about?

The more you let your mind wander, the more you realised how little you knew. You had no clue how this sort of thing worked. Would he come to you? Your home? Would you meet at a location of his choice? Or would he just stash the weed somewhere for you to collect and you don't cross paths at all?

But the burning fire of the what-if anxiety was quickly trampled and extinguished when another text came through and instead of him deciding for you, you were given choices.

Azriel: sure, I can meet you at old tower in 20 if that’s good for you? If not I can drop to your location.

He didn’t seem as much of an ass now. No, quite the opposite. But you supposed that offer was something he probably gave to all new, female clients. If he truly was an ass or not, you couldn’t fault him for the consideration.

Old Tower was the old old watermill tucked slightly away in the centre of the city. It had been derelict for years, but due to its location—so close to all the necessities and right opposite the police station—no one ever tried to break in or set it alight like the many other derelict listed buildings had been in the past.

Even now, at almost midnight, that part of the city would still be bustling with city-natives and tourists alike. And you appreciated the safe and public meeting spot he suggested.

You: old tower in 20 is fine.

As quickly as you sent the message, you received another reply. A text describing his blue Mustang and his licence plate. You shook the nerves off as soon as they came. Azriel was respectful and well known. He dealt to make his money and that was that.

But the facts didn’t stop you from sharing your location with Brandon just in case, nor did it stop you from double checking you still had your little pepper spray clipped to your keychain.

The walk to the Old Tower wasn’t a bad one. There were many ways you could access it, most of them leading you through the city, but here were a few that hid you behind back roads and alleyways—those were routes you never took. Not on your own and certainly not in the middle of the night.

The air was still a bit sticky from the summer heat, and while the denim shorts you wore kept your body cool, you were grateful you kept on your hoodie—just that extra layer that protected your arms and shoulders from the chill of the breeze that your legs never seemed to experience.

It didn’t take long for you to reach the Old Tower, and it took even less time to spot the electric blue 2022 Ford Mustang. Small tufts of white smoke emitted from the exhaust as it sat in its standstill, headlights facing the opposite direction of what you came in, but you could still hear the engine humming from your short distance away.

You double checked the licence plate to the number Azriel texted you, and slowly made your way closer. While you didn’t know much about drop offs, deals, and weed in general, you did know the unspoken rules of picking up. And if you were picking up from someone in a vehicle, most people got inside for a few minutes before leaving.

Azriel must’ve noticed you from the rear view mirror because just as you approached the back of the car, the passenger door opened wide, inviting you in. You sucked in a breath but accepted the invitation, keeping your eyes forward as you settled into the warmth of the leather seat and closed the door shut.

You finally let your body shift and your eyes met his. And you were fucking done for.

You’d never seen a man so strikingly fucking beautiful before. He was tall, lean and muscular and oozed pure sex and charisma. Tan, golden skin and dark, luscious hair that swept loosely down his forehead and curled gently around the tops of his ears.

His face was chiselled not too sharply, a subtle gentleness to the stark contrast of the cold, brooding aura he carried. And those eyes. Christ, those fucking eyes. Hazel iris’ that dripped with a golden hue of honey.

You swallowed down the dry lump in your throat and willed your lips to part so you could finally speak. “Thank you for meeting me so late.”

And Azriel was absolutely hooked.

When you’d texted barely thirty minutes ago, he did not expect to be meeting with someone so fucking gorgeous. Your soft hair was twisted in a loose braid that hung over your shoulder, wayward strands having fallen from the updo and framing your face mesmerizingly.

Your eyes were the most captivating thing he’d ever seen; rich in colour and wide with slight anxiety, despite the sleepiness he could slightly notice beneath them. Your voice sounded like a fever dream. It wasn’t sickly sweet like most women he knew or dealt to. Perhaps it was just the sleep, but there was a rasp—a very slight ruggedness—in your tone and Azriel was certain he’d never heard something quite so sensual in his life.

He cleared his throat, that all too cheeky grin teetering on the corners of his mouth. “I was already out,” he shrugged, nonchalantly. “How much are you after?”

His voice was a perfect blend of sweet and rough. A deep depth to his tone that skipped hand-in-hand with a sweeter note. God, he was unreal, and the sound of him had you forgetting entirely what exactly Brandon told you to ask for.

You pulled your lips between your teeth and offered a very sheepish—but mostly embarrassed—smile. “Um… I’m sorry,” you found yourself apologising for the second time tonight. “My ex used to do this part, so I have no idea how this works.”

You couldn’t help the flush that rose to your cheeks at your own admission, couldn’t handle being the subject of his firm gaze, and you absolutely could not fucking handle the soft rumble of rich laughter that chuckled through him.

“Do you smoke a lot?” Azriel finally asked, a slightly amused smile on those full lips of his. His pink tongue swiped out to wet them and your heart thundered against your ribcage at the sight.

“Not really,” you cleared your throat. “Just every now and then. Semi-regularly, I guess.” There was no such thing as semi-regularly when it came to drugs and alcohol. To someone’s own self, sure. But not the general mass that consumed whatever it was they did.

Some considered three joints a day ‘semi-regular’, while others considered it as a joint every few days. Azriel had a feeling you were the latter, but he didn’t say anything about his thoughts or what you’d said.

Instead, he hummed and chewed at the inside of his cheek in thought. He wasn’t laughing at you or your lack of knowledge or understanding. Usually, he’d have kicked a new client out of his car by now and told them to figure it out on their own—he was a dealer, not a fucking private tutor—but with you, he didn’t seem to mind explaining or breaking things down so it was easier to understand.

Neither of you quite understood why he was happy to explain, but you didn’t complain. You’d much prefer this than the alternative version of him that you’d been warned about.

“A 3.5 would probably be best for you, then.” He decided.

Yes, a 3.5… that sounded very familiar. You nodded, slowly, considering your next words carefully. You had already disclosed the most embarrassing part of not having a fucking clue how this worked, one more probably wouldn’t hurt, would it?

“This is going to sound absolutely ridiculous,” you chuckled nervously, scratching at the nape of your neck. “But can you break that down in joint terms?”

Azriel laughed again, softer this time, through a breath. It was odd, really. He wasn’t laughing to be cruel or to embarrass you further. It seemed to you that perhaps he found it endearing—your innocence on the matter—and maybe, just maybe, you reminded him of himself when he too at one point, had no idea either.

“It depends on how strong you have them. Do you smoke blunts or just joints?”

Your eyes widened animatedly. “God, no. Just joints. I think a blunt might wipe me out.”

A glint of warmth and light fluttered through his eyes for a split second. “So, a 3.5 would get you like seven joints.”

“Yeah, that would last me like a week, two weeks.” You nodded. “I’ll have a 3.5 then, thank you.”

Azriel hummed in agreement, and it was only when he reached for the centre console and flipped open a compartment that you saw his hands. His golden skin was marred beyond belief, etched in burns and an array of pigmented colours. Your stomach lurched at the sight. Not from fear or pity or disgust, no. Your stomach twisted in agony, your brain couldn’t comprehend a reason for scars like that.

You looked away as quickly as you clocked them, not wanting to stare and not wanting him to notice. You supposed he was used to lingering gazes, but you would not be a name added to that list of people.

Azriel did nothing but make you feel comfortable in the brief few minutes of meeting one another. He was kind enough to not laugh in your face and kick you out of his car after your admittance. You were not about to make him feel uncomfortable either.

He pulled out a small plastic baggie stuffed to the brim with forest green nuggets and handed it to you between two scarred, pinched fingers. You took it gratefully, a full and genuine smile on your lips now as you thanked him, reaching into the back pocket of your denim shorts for the cash.

“Did you want me to roll them for you, too?” Azriel’s teasing voice dripped with sarcasm and your eyes snapped to him with a stern look. “‘Cause that’ll cost you extra.”

“I know how to roll, thank you.” You bit back, and while your voice and tone held all the conviction, the amused glint in your eye and the corners of your mouth told him he hadn’t offended you in the slightest.

“It’s twenty-five.” Azriel chuckled from beside you.

Your brows furrowed as you pulled out two twenty’s, meeting his gaze again. “Isn’t it usually like forty?”

The air now smelt of that tangy, vile scent, something that you don’t think you’d ever get used to. Or enjoy. He shrugged, flipping down the lid of the compartment between you. “You’re a new client.”

You raised a brow now, a taunting smirk creeping at the corner of your mouth. “Do you always undercharge new clients, then?”

Azriel liked you. Very much. You didn’t shy away or hide your personality from him, even after only knowing one another for barely an hour in total. He had a feeling he was barely scraping the surface.

He matched your stare, only he wasn't teasing. “Only the pretty ones.”

There was no hiding the heat that crawled up your neck and sat heavy on your cheeks. It had been a long while since you received a genuine compliment. Let alone one so forward and from someone so unexpected. You averted your gaze from him, looking at the two twenty’s in your hand. Raising them, you pursed your lips.

“I only have two twenty’s on me. So you may as well take the full forty.”

Azriel didn’t listen. Instead, he pinched one note from your hand, his skin brushing yours but you didn’t falter, didn’t shy away. He was warm, and despite the scars and marred skin, his skin was softer than you expected.

You huffed, not ungrateful for the discount but this was his livelihood and taking away from that felt wrong to you.

“Let me know when you’re out.”

You smiled appreciatively and nodded, stuffing the bag and cash into your hoodie pocket and reaching for the door handle. “I will. Nice to meet you, Azriel.”

He watched you climbed out of the car, offering another warm smile as the cooler evening air kissed at his skin. He wanted to ask how you were getting home, if you’d be walking alone or if you needed a ride. But Azriel couldn’t cross those lines, especially not with someone he only just met.

So he bit his tongue and prayed to the Mother above to get you home safely. “You too, Y/N.”

He started up the engine again as soon as the door closed, but he didn’t drive away. He watched you through the rear view mirror until you were out of sight and when he finally looked down, he found his jeans tight around his crotch and a painful erection.

“Fuck.”

Add yourself to the tag list here :) | Series Masterlist

If you enjoyed it, please give it a like and reblog and let me know what you thought!! Thank you for reading <3

Smoke & Light ONLY Tags

@smalljasper289 / @sttvrdustt

Azriel Tags

@serxndipity-ipity-blog / @erencvlt / @azswife / @lili-of-the-wildfire / @dreaming-unafraid / @dr4g0ngirl / @coconut-dreamz

[audristarzz]

JUST A REMINDER!

just in case of those who are stressed and panicking about the senate vote for KOSA. Yes I know it’s scary and stressful but

1. Do not give up hope!! Spread the word about KOSA to friends, family (or trusted adults) and call/email/sign and if you are unable to due to personal reasons, spreading it to other people is okay and I appreciate your help.

2. if it DOES pass senate tomorrow it is not the end. If it passes senate it does not go into effect right after, it still needs the House vote and from what I’ve heard it has more opposition in the House than Senate. So focus on House more

3. With election year it might slow down some process of KOSA and give us more time to tell our reps and senators what we want which is NO to kosa.

4. Call Chuck at (202) 224-6542 but to it respectfully. Even if he wants to push KOSA tomorrow let him know what you want. Tell him how it is so harmful to LGBTQ+ members (especially minors in situations that are unsafe for them) the first amendment right and the government ID which could lead to harmful and dangerous consequences.

If I’ve missed anything or unintentionally spread misinformation please politely let me know and I will fix this post asap. thank you to all for fighting and using your voices. We can stop this horrible bill if we keep calling. You’re all doing amazing and I’m proud of you.❤️

[furiousgoldfish]

When you're a kid going trough a scary, non-understandable traumatic experience, your child mind contextualizes it in a way that doesn't seem that scary. Like we don't tell small children when their relatives are dead, they're just traveling; it's easier for a child's mind to comprehend that someone is just gone for a while, and will be back.

When you're a small child living in abuse, not only does it seem normal to you, but your brain will find a way to put it into context that you can understand and live with. Your worst experiences of abuse might be foggy, forgotten, blocked off, or seem like it was a dream; not something you need to worry about or be wary of. Your parent, who violently attacks you, calls you names, turns on you and at times feels very dangerous and hateful, that's not their real self! They just 'turn' into this other person, and the times when they do that just need to be not taken seriously, you firmly believe that their true self is safe, okay to be around, necessary to love and understand at all costs, and not someone to be afraid of. You might want to keep all the bad memories away whenever things are good, so you'd be able to enjoy the moment when it feels normal, non-scary, so whenever they're not aggressive and scary, it feels like they never were in the first place. You feel like those times are made up, unreal, something your mind refuses to linger on.

Sometimes this defense turns against you. It can turn an experience out of your control, into something you could have potentially controlled if only you did things differently. If you never made a mistake, never broke anything, never said or did that one thing that set the abuse off - it wouldn't have happened. And so you have to focus on what you're doing wrong in order to 'prevent' future events of abuse. It ultimately plays into the idea that the abuse is 'your fault', and invokes deep feelings of guilt and shame; you end up feeling like you're the one causing yourself all that damage.

Abusers know this child mind defense, and fully expect to get away with anything they've done, by insisting the child imagined or dreamed it, and it didn't really happen. They know the event was traumatic for the child and makes them look bad, so their best luck is to convince the child it really was just made up, and to never recall it or show any consequence of it. They even go as far as trying to convince, now adult child, that the parent's own actions of abuse, were the child's fault. Something an adult can tell right away is not true, because you can now connect a cause and consequence, and you know a child is incapable of controlling adults in any way. But being told something as despicable as that will cast doubt and deep emotional damage.

Every time such experience is suspended and blocked off, the child loses a bit of their vitality, energy, health, trust, feeling of safety, feeling of connection. When these experiences accumulate, eventually the child might experience dissociation, or a full amnesia, not even being aware that anything more is happening, because they cannot handle even one more event of abuse. And these experiences won't stay suspended forever; soon they'll cause the development of anxiety, depression, ptsd, cptsd, and other related disorders. And eventually the truths can no longer stay hidden, the child will remember and struggle to add new context, to realize what exactly happen, because now they have a chance of knowing the truth and surviving it.

If someone attempts to make you feel like something they did to you as a child, was your fault, this is what they're trying to push you into. They'd prefer you never being able to put your life and experiences into context, never be able to recover from keeping trauma inside, just so they wouldn't have to look at what they've done to you and take accountability. If someone is telling you that the events you remember are made up, imagined, a dream, something you shouldn't think and talk about - but it's only like that when you're remembering abuse, they're trying to use your own defenses you had as a child against you. You needed to believe it back then in order to survive it, but you need to correctly contextualize it now, if you ever hope to feel okay again.

You can trust in your own mind, and your own defenses to get you trough this. You are not wrong in looking back and seeing things a different way. You are right say 'that was fucked up'. They shouldn't have done that to me and they know that.

[latenightbreezeinheaven]

Solar return chart observations (2019)

Scorpio rising at 29 degrees

🌪️That year was my most traumatic year.

🌪️There were countless transformations (mostly endings and also new life-changing beginnings) in that year.

🌪️I lost many friends. I got gossiped by the whole class. The whole class didn’t talk to me. I was slut-shamed and they even spread rumors about me being pregnant while I was just gaining some weight. I was notorious with bad reputation in my school. My first love left me. I tried to run away with my first love. My parents caught me and grounded me for several months. I was literally in solitude. I had no one by my side. Both emotionally and physically. I can even write a whole damn book about this year.😭

🌪️However, I learned how to stay alone happily in that year. (It was not an option. The universe was like BAM you need to encounter THIS to achieve THIS success or whatsoever😃).

🌪️My whole personality before and after that year was so different that no one couldn’t recognize me after that year when I went back to school.

Moon in 1st house conjuncts ascendant (in Sagittarius at 0 degrees)

🌪️Maybe due to these traumatic events, my emotions were running high all the time.

🌪️Even though I tried to hide my pain and act like a typical scary silent scorpio rising, people still attacked me because I looked so vulnerable.

🌪️I cried almost everyday in that year.

🌪️Also I gained weight like A LOT MY FACE WAS LIKE AN ENORMOUS MEAT DUMPLING👹👹👹

**I also notice that I gained weight so easily last year when I had scorpio rising even though my moon was in 7th house in Taurus. Might be because of Taurus moon but Idk, scorpio rising year scares me hell a lot now.😺**

Jupiter in 1st house (in Sagittarius at 18 degrees)

🌪️I gained tons of weight because of my only coping mechanism : binge eating and also due to covid and quarantine.

🌪️I felt like food was the only escape in my life and I gained like 60 lbs.🤦🏻‍♀️

🌪️However, I had lucky academic opportunities.

🌪️I had to change my tuition because everyone including the teachers slut-shamed me and only because of that transformation, I finished high school with high marks and now I’m in medical school.

🌪️Thanks to my new teachers from new tuition and also those stupid bitches who believed everything they heard without clearly thinking as grown-up adults.😍

Saturn conjunct Pluto in 2nd house (in Capricorn)

🌪️My self-esteem declined so low that I rarely even went out in that year.

🌪️I felt like no one wanted me and I questioned about my worth like thousand times.

🌪️Throughout the year, transformations related to self-worth and self-love questioned my existence.

🌪️I was always thinking like “do I even deserve to eat this or go to this or be friends with them?” every damn time my mom asked me what I needed and every time someone approached me.

Neptune and Lilith in 4th house (in Pisces)

🌪️My whole family was very confused about me.

🌪️They even thought I was possessed by some ghost because I acted very unusual eg I couldn’t control my anger and I kinda self-sabotaged and I just bursted out and cried so suddenly when I was at home (that was just my trauma response I mean I don’t really know how they expected me to act after all those punishment they gave me and personal attacks received from my ex-mates)😺.

🌪️My parents kept really close eyes on me because they were worried that I would commit su-ici-de and they also had their respective assumptions about me but at the same time, they also outcasted me and thought I was really a slut who slept with lots of men because I did many reckless things without thinking about consequences.

🌪️I also often had intense vivid dreams and nightmares.

🌪️I was addicted to vapes and used them secretly in my room in that year.

🌪️So effed up🔫

Chiron in 5th house (in Aries)

🌪️My first love broke my heart.

🌪️My first serious heartbreak.

🌪️I had to take about 9 months to fully move on from him.

🌪️My inner child got hurt and my creativity and self-expression left my soul in that year.

🌪️I lost my silly child-like spirit in that year.

Uranus in 6th house (in Taurus at 5 degrees)

🌪️At first I was planning to study really hard to prepare for my matriculation exam but due to covid, there were huge unexpected changes in my routines and habits.

🌪️My plans got ruined.

Venus in 7th house conjuncts Amor (in Gemini)

🌪️Amor asteroid represents soulmate.

🌪️I met my first love and fell in love with him like a fool.

🌪️Everyone warned me because they saw red flags🚩🚩🚩🚩but I was blindly in love and was like “I’m gonna marry him”😭😭.*dies of embarrassment*

🌪️That was my first time that I gave actual commitment to someone and I felt like he was my soulmate.

🌪️I couldn’t let go of him for so long.

🌪️I wrote songs about him.

🌪️I wrote short stories about him.

🌪️It was bitter-sweet but now it’s just a memory.🌌

Sun in 7th house (in Gemini)

🌪️My main focus was on relationships relationships RELATIONSHIPS and I strongly desired to build meaningful social connections rather than superficial ones in that year.

🌪️My hidden enemies also pulled their masks off lmao I had to deal with them the whole year because they kept saying things about me that I didn’t even know I did.😩

Mercury conjunct mars in 8th house (in Cancer)

🌪️I remember that I was fully in my hermit mode the year I had this placement.

🌪️I searched articles about how to attack those arseholes spiritually but didn’t really take an action because I believed in karma.🧘🏻‍♀️

🌪️I was always reading books about magic, detective, occult and death and I even thought about committing a su-ici-de because I was severely depressed.

🌪️I was alone but also so blunt (I think I was just trying to protect myself) every time someone tried to befriend me.

🌪️I cursed a lot and my anger issues were like high up in the sky that one time, the wall cracked because I punched while I was angry and I’m just A GIRL🎀💕🥰).

Vertex in 9th house (in Leo at 15 degrees)

🌪️Maybe because of all of this, I started to pray to Buddha every single day in that year.

🌪️I suddenly became so religious and I felt like I only had him by my side.

🌪️My beliefs about religion expanded and I started to learn about other religions too in that year.

🌪️Also fated events occurred at my school so yeah vertex can say a lot about your upcoming year.

🌪️Immediately CHECK YOUR VERTEX IN YOUR SOLAR RETURN CHART RIGHT NOW!!!🥱

My scorpio ascendant was in my natal 5th house

🌪️My main focus was on relationships and dating as I’ve already said.

🌪️I also think I was so fertile in that year or maybe horny?

🌪️I wanted to get pregnant with my first love and I was only 14 at that time💀💀💀 (I know I was so silly but I was just a kid so I forgive myself for that *dies of embarrassment again*).

🌪️Sex education and vapes and drugs might be normal for teenagers in western countries but in my country, they’re like really taboo topics and parents biggest nightmare was their drug addict children getting pregnant😭.

🌪️Almost everyone did not dare to discuss about those openly in those days.

🌪️Also I was just 14 at that time so it’s not my parents’ fault that they stopped me and restricted me too much but however, their punishment was directed in a wrong way and that’s why I had to find other ways to suppress my pain. I don’t know who to blame, myself or those so-called friends or my parents😭.

So in conclusion, it was a very hard year and very life-changing and unforgettable but it shaped me into who I am today so I’m really happy to receive all of those new experiences. English is not my first language so please bear with me if I made some mistakes.🫰🏼💕

Also you can ask me about two placements (maximum) you want from your solar return chart. I’ll answer them as soon as I get free time.❤️

My mood in 2019 as GIF be like:

[radioactivewisdom]

The village cannot coexist alongside the nuclear family. Women often talk about how lonely being a wife and mother is, but that’s exactly the point. Isolation IS the purpose. Seclude two emotionally disturbed adults who will then groom their own children into being just like them. Parents are the first to snap at you “don’t tell me how to raise my kids!” Okay, then don’t expect me to help because all you really want is a free babysitter, and not just for the kids.

Single and childfree women face the most pressure to “help” families. In other words, be the heterosexually inspired breeding programs clean up crew. When mommy and daddy need to blow off steam they get to berate you. Legitimate involvement from villagers begins before children get here. They’d get to say “you’re in an unhealthy relationship and have no business bringing children into it” or “you’re already overwhelmed with one, don’t get pregnant again.” How well do you think that will go over? Even more so, you need to contribute more than having offspring. When was the last time a complaining set of parents cooked dinner for their aging neighbor? What about driving a sick coworker to a doctor’s appointment?

People, especially women are known for abandoning all others the moment they catch feelings. Once it’s legally binding and babies are born, you hardly see them again. This is yet another ploy to extract emotional labor from women. Which apparently is a major problem due to patriarchy, except when women do it to each other. The way coupled women feel as if they’re unappreciated and taken advantage of, is a single woman’s reality on all fronts. This world is already set up to benefit the nuclear family. Tax brakes and social validation aren’t enough. They should be able to have as many children as they want, regardless of the circumstances, and never struggle a day in their lives.

Raising children is hard when doing so on a planet filled to capacity with dumb degenerates, but whose fault is that? Generation after generation have done the same, have sex and reproduce without abandon, then scream about the consequences. The world is a scary place for children because of the families they’re born into. I’m not going to pitch in so a spineless mother can sign her daughter up for the same fate.

Family life is going exactly as planned, your happiness is supposed to come from filling a quota. Any other expectations came from your imagination. Marriage and reproduction have never been about romance and love. It’s about keeping up the flow of new bodies for political purposes, aka, natalism. If mommy and daddy need help, they can go to those just like themselves. Too bad the mythos of selflessness after parenthood is inaccurate, and they’d rather pop out another kid than help one that isn’t theirs.

All family units are out for themselves first, they admit this. They’re all after our planets limited resources and don’t seem to keen on sharing. Otherwise they’d already be attempting communal living and offering their help to each other free of cost. Why not split up the domestic duties equally instead of wasting time chastising women who freed themselves? If you want my help it’s going to come in the form of honesty. Until then, keep holding each other hostage under the guise of “family.” We all know what happened to women in the past who didn’t comply. The village serves one purpose, control.

[cerise-on-top]

hellooo, i love ur stuff and i wannted to see u write about how Simon, Price, Alejandro, and Rudy handle having a wife who is very head strong and such? Like the type of woman who was very successful and has a sharp tongue. A very badass woman in general. Thx<33

Hello! Thank you! I tried on this request as well, but people like that genuinely scare me ^^; I wrote this with a very hot headed person in mind because I'm not quite sure I understand what headstrong means, even when I googled it! It's probably a bit extreme, the way I wrote reader and it probably usually isn't that bad, but I barely know anyone who's like this!

Price, Ghost, Alejandro and Rodolfo with a Headstrong!S/O

Price: There are a few things Price is used to due to his occupation: People taking his orders without ever questioning them, and people, smart assed as they are, questioning his every move. Some differences could be settled quite peacefully, during others, harsh words had to be exchanged in order for an agreement to come between them. So it definitely wouldn’t be the first time Price had ever met someone like you. However, he can get along just fine with someone like that. You’re his spouse, not some soldier, therefore he can bite back from time to time if he needs to. However, if you’re about to do something extremely stupid where you will end up hurt, he will try to stop you, no matter how much you protest and snarl at him. He loves you for your personality, but sometimes some risks do need to be taken into consideration. He would sometimes get fed up a bit with you, especially if you keep doing what you do without really considering the consequences or yourself. At some point, he’d probably just let you do whatever it is that you want to do. If things go well, he’ll congratulate you, maybe reward you too depending on whatever it was, but if things go sour he would have to bite back a “told you so” occasionally. But other than that, he can appreciate your sharp tongue, always biting back at the people who are trying to belittle you. It shows him that you’re not someone who needs to be taken care of at all times and that you can handle yourself when it comes down to it. Don’t sass him too much, though, since he will also sass you back. But if that’s what you like, then go right ahead. 

Ghost: If he wanted to, he could insult you in a way that could destroy your sense of worth, and sometimes, when you are being a bit more difficult, he considers saying something mean himself. He never does, though, since he doesn’t want to ruin what the two of you have. While you being harsh with others and not letting them walk all over you is something he can appreciate, he will sit you down from time to time and tell you to take it down a notch or two, especially if you’re being harsh towards him. Communication goes both ways, though, so you’re also more than welcome to give him a piece of your mind. As long as you’re both being adults about it, he won’t mind. Like Price, he lets you do your own thing for the most part, unless you’re doing something extraordinarily stupid. He will try to change your mind, knowing fully well it would be futile, in a gentle manner, but if you don’t listen to him then that’s on you. He did try to help you. As much as he’d sigh at your antics, he would help you clean up your messes. Ghost isn’t much of a talker himself, saying the bare minimum when something needs to be said, so sometimes he’ll simply lean back and let you do the talking. Especially if the other person is being an idiot. You have a way with words that makes him snicker from time to time, especially if you’re a small and petite thing. The surprise on the other person’s face is such a delight, he can’t help but love it every single time. And if you’re a rather big and scary person then he’ll wordlessly watch the other person scuttle away. It’s nice, not always having to talk to people. He can be mean too, but he usually just rolls his eyes and walks away.

Alejandro: Alejandro is a rather passionate man about many things, therefore you would often come to butt heads. He used to be far more fiery when he was younger, so these days it’s not as bad as it used to be, but your arguments might end up with both of you yelling. Alejandro can be extremely stubborn and, unless you have some good arguments, it’s not very easy to change his mind either. Unless you start insulting him first, he won’t yell any insults at you either. He would absolutely never get physical with you, no matter how scary he might seem, though. Even in his heated moments, he values you more than anything and anyone else. In your eyes, you’re both right, and that might just be something you’ll both want to work on if you want your relationship to last in the long run. He is more than willing to do so, though, as long as you put some effort into it as well. May god save whatever soul has decided to wrong both of you, however. He will give them a piece of his mind, and so will you, meaning that person has twice the amount of people to be scared of. One of the many reasons you would come to argue would be you trying to do something that might be dangerous, with him trying to convince you it’s a bad idea. He’s a colonel, so he’s used to people taking his orders without very many questions. While Alejandro may not expect you to be his poodle, he does want to see you safe and sound. Ultimately, he knows telling you to not do something won’t change anything, but he’ll try anyway. Your safety comes before all else. Unlike Price and Ghost, he will tell you “I told you so”. Even when he tells you all the reasons why you really shouldn’t have done what you did, he will still patch you up and use his power to make sure you can continue being as successful as you are. So, even while mad he’s a sweetheart about and to you.

Rodolfo: Considering he’s a quiet man, he won’t usually talk back when you have something to say. Instead, he’ll force all of his emotions down. Very rarely, he might snap at you because of it, however. Again, you’ll both have to talk it out with each other, with you having to learn how to bite back something as well. Rodolfo isn’t nearly as feisty as Alejandro, so he’ll usually let you do the talking. Think the “he asked for no pickles” meme except Rodolfo could make his opinion known, but it’s more impactful when you do it. He likes to see you successful and in high spirits, even if he sometimes would wish you would tone it down a bit. Some bad potatoes at the farmer’s market aren’t the end of the world. However, he’ll barely ever voice such a thing, simply turning away instead when you’re getting too heated. He knows trying to calm you down will only make things worse, so he’ll wait it out. Out of everyone, he’ll be the most patient as far as your personality goes. If you’re ever trying something risky, he’ll make you aware of the risks, even if you do end up snapping at him, but won’t stop you. Again, it’s futile. While he may have enough faith in you to know you likely won’t end up hurt, you’re a smart cookie after all, he will sigh if things don’t end up according to plan. You’re probably too proud to do so, but you’re always more than welcome to come to him for help if you need it, he won’t mind. In fact, he’d prefer that over you getting hurt. If you’re both buying things, though, then he’ll let you be the one to haggle, you’re the most effective haggler he knows. In fact, if he ever needs something that requires him to bargain with people for anything at all, he’ll let you do it. You’re scarier than him, on the outside, so he’ll either get what he wants at a good price, or the other person will have learned a lesson. It’s a win-win situation either way.

[inferno-0]

[Purchases] Crosshairs/ Reader /Drift

────────────────────────────

Never go to the store with aliens.

(Do you mind transformers on my blog?)

Oh yes, sorry for the English

────────────────────────────

You are a really reserved person, always do everything in order and know how to control a few tasks that seemed difficult for others. But no one said that adult Autobots would be much more difficult to deal with.

"When I talked about the need to behave more civilly in public places, I meant silence and not running away while choosing products."

You clenched the bridge of your nose in annoyance, bowing your head, while Drift quietly looked around. He muttered something several times and looked at you, still processing your words in his head. At least he was calm enough not to attract attention. If you don't take into account your outburst of future anger.

"Drift, where's Crosshairs?" With your arms folded over your chest, you focused on the holoform's response as it cleared its throat awkwardly. ─"I think he went to the department where the items for the sparkling are."

"You mean the toy department?"

The Autobot nodded its head in agreement before waiting for your actions. He knew that he had been given an errand that immediately failed. Keeping an eye on Crosshair was like watching a five-year-old child, hungry for a huge truck or worse. Your stern voice called Mecha out of his thoughts, who seemed to be about to apologize to you. Drift nodded again, trying not to say a word.

"So, you say, he went to the toy department?

"Yes. He said he just wanted to see." Drift hesitated and stood up, remembering the last presence of the green Cybertron. He looked ahead, analyzing the signs and the color that had their meaning.

You frowned at Drift and waited patiently, barely holding back an annoyed growl. "Sign with orange color". The holoform's hand pointed to the farthest part of the toys until it dropped abruptly during your sharp stomping on the stone tiles. Drift followed you, hoping that Crosshairs hadn't done anything. This bot was too intrusive and empathetic.

He turns all discontent against others, trying to be right everywhere. It's scary to imagine what Fur can do when he gets into an argument with some human woman, or worse, a salesman who just offers options for a good product.

"I don't know how I decided to take you with me. You seem to be a million years old, adult guys, but I collect them in stores like five-year-olds." You quickened your pace, grabbing Drift by the sleeve, who was staring desperately at the people around him. Your eyes sparkled apologetically when, due to a gust of anger, you pushed away the unsuspecting customers ahead.

"Come on, come on. Drift don't lag behind" The holoform almost flickered as your hand gripped his forearm. Mek quietly apologized as your elbow moved the nearest cart in front of the Man.

"Crosshairs."

You entered the department with hope, casting glances at all things. The green color never caught your eye and you whimpered until you felt a soothing touch on your shoulder. "Drift, I'm going to pay now"

"Don't do it, we'll find it."

"I know that we will find him, I am afraid what the consequences will be if he does not like something."

You looked at Drift pleadingly. The bot was calm and remained as if nothing had happened. Blue eyes looked at you encouragingly, saying that there was no need to worry once again. The whole bad scenario is in your head, just paranoia.

"What kind of junk is lying here?"

You abruptly broke away from eye contact and turned to the source of the voice that belonged... ─"CROSSHAIRS"

The man in the green cloak just snorted at your raised tone.

He would like to ask why you look worse than Cade, who gets annoyed about everything, but remembered a real and important question. "Why are there no bullets in this weapon?" It seems that he really looked at the arsenal of guns for boys, not starting a dialogue with anyone.

You put your hand on your forehead, giggling. Drift grunted excitedly as Crosshairs stared expectantly at both of you.

"Well, will you answer or not? I walked around this place from all sides and examined each machine gun in search of something interesting, and here is only this" - Finger roughly held the trigger. A loud sound of gunfire is heard from the speaker, causing you to snatch the weapon from the holoform's hands. "Because it is a toy. It's for children, not for war, as you thought."

Crosshairs threw the other machine gun on the shelf in disgust.

"Crosshairs."

The silence on Mek's part made me even angrier. Drift did not let go of his shoulder, forcing him to calm down and assuring him that it was better not to argue with him.

You exhaled, giving the fur a long-awaited smile.

"Let's go to the checkout after all."

Crosshairs walked away peacefully, his hands in his cloak pockets, while you and Drift looked at each other again. And yet...

Cybertronians are not so carefree.

────────────────────────────

         - Skipping time -

"Well, at least you can help me carry all this cargo." you said with relief, laying out the products on the tape that was moving towards the seller. Drift quietly handed over the remaining purchases until he felt a familiar field near his shoulder.

"He left again. I guess you should thank me for not telling her anything" Blue Fur glanced at you for a moment, not paying much attention to the two men.

"Come on. Sometimes I'm curious to watch her try to teach me a lesson." He chuckled slightly, remembering your past expression and Drift, who stood like a lost organic puppy next to you.

────

You turned, distracted by the two holoforms that were discussing something in the silence. Crossheirs solemnly spoke his words before approaching you, moving his belt under his cloak. You raised an eyebrow and coughed as Crosshair pulled a familiar object from under his green cloak. Drift peeked out from under his shoulder and rolled his eyes, squeezing out a pitiful groan.

"Question. Why did you take a machine gun?"

His hands folded on his chest. You stared at Crosshair from under your brow as he sucked in a ridiculous breath to restrain himself.

"You just threw it away like garbage. Why did you take it again?" Drift nodded, agreeing with you. "It's not real, but it's a toy for children"

"It's for Bumblebee."

"You're an idiot?"

────────────────────────────

(I do not accept requests for transformers).

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: Clingy 🔞 [Part 7]

In which Jungkook slowly tries to live again, which is a lot easier with someone as bright and full of life like you at his side.

Tags/Warnings: Hybrid AU, Wolf hybrid!Jungkook, Otter hybrid!Reader, Angst, strangers to lovers

Additional Chapter Warnings: Fluff, it's disgusting really

Length: short

-> Masterlist

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

Throughout his life, Jungkook had always been a people-pleaser.

It's easier to just do as told than to make your own decisions, he's learned. Every choice made by himself bears the possibility of consequences he won't be comfortable with, after all. It's scary, even now, as an adult. But looking at you, he feels as if those consequences can't ever be worse than the idea of not having you at his side.

What are you at this point?

He's not sure because he's never truly asked you out, and neither did you. He knows he's pretty much clinging to you like glue, but do you feel the same way?

You're currently holding onto his arm like a lifeline, and he's come to learn that it's simply otter-behavior. Or at least he tells himself it's nothing more than that to not get his hopes up too high, or his emotions from overflowing. You just need something to hold on to, and he's conveniently an alpha wolf hybrid, known to emit a strong and calming presence.

"Oh, I love those!" You say, pulling Jungkook with you to the candy isle at the small food store. "I'm gonna stock up on those. I love chewing on them whenever I'm feeling like a pup that's going through teething again." You laugh, putting two bags of the hybrid snack into your basket before you hold onto Jungkook's arm again.

You're so effortlessly cute in his eyes.

"Have you talked to a dentist about that?" He wonders quietly. "There might be something going on if your teeth hurt." He asks, but you shake your head.

"No, they don't hurt-" you explain as you both walk past an elderly couple that stares after you with fond gazes. "-Its a mental thing, I believe. Like stress-relief!" You tell him, and he nods. He can understand that. When he was a pup, he went through phases like that too. It's interesting that you've not gotten over those phases yet it seems.

"Can I ask why you're so clingy with me?" He wonders calmly as you put all the things you want to buy out to be scanned by the young worker.

"Well, first of all I'm an otter, and we're just.. like that, I guess." You shrug. "And second of all, you're my boyfriend now, right?" You ask, gaze lifted up at him.

He blinks, once, twice, before he fully registers what you'd just said.

He's your boyfriend.

He's your boyfriend.

You're his girlfriend.

He doesn't know why that makes him turn a little red. Why it makes him shy of all things. He's an alpha wolf working in the adult companion industry. Or rather worked, past tense. Still. It's odd how.. nice it feels.

"Oh." He just says after a moment, nodding to himself. "I.. see." He mumbles, while you laugh next to him, squeaking in delight. "What?" He asks, and you just shove his body a little playfully.

"Nothing." You simply say, amused by his reaction.

Later that day, he finds you clinging onto him as you sleep at night like he's your lifeline, and this time, he knows it's not just instinct for you. You like him, enjoy his company for more than just pleasure, and he feels incredibly proud to be the one you chose to be with, despite his awkwardness and controversial past.

He wants to be his best version of himself for you, he decides, as he presses a quiet kiss to your head.

He's going to be the best mate ever.

[winktalks-com]

NO because that tiny tiny shot of gojo's 6? year old self and the way he looked and the way he spoke means so much. "stop looking at me you weakling" was so serious. this kid is obviously not the 17 year old Satoru we know from hidden inventory. and the fact that there's nothing else (that we know of) that changed from this particular flashback to the time hidden inventory takes place in (EXCEPT him meeting Suguru) just serves to drive the point further that he only really acts like that because of Geto.

Children don't act so mature and if they do they don't magically evolve into carefree childish teens.

Cause we know for a fact from the day he was born gojo was just adored by his family. Like "On the day Gojo Satoru was born the balance of the world was altered" type stuff which I am sure they didn't shy away from saying to his face. And children don't have that concept of power. He likely didn't even understand what he was compared to in terms of strength. I mean i doubt those adults would want to talk about the details of cursed spirits with a kid.

And being told you're supposed to be the strongest can be so scary. I mean sure he already had it in him but did he feel it? I doubt it. People born a certain way can't comprehend life beyond their perception.

And then he joined jujutsu high which- we aren't even told why? Cause clans have the option to train their kids themselves homeschooling style. I'd think they'd wanna keep him as close as possible)

But anyway he joins and here comes this other guy who is just as strong as him who has a very very different outlook on life and who speaks about it so confidently and convincingly that gojo starts trusting him with his whole being.

Like "oh Suguru thinks this so it must be the answer" "Suguru thinks I'm right so that's all that matters" "Suguru thinks I'm wrong so I MUST prove to him that I'm right"

And even if they fought a lot Geto remained his moral compass and all of his opinions stood on the pillars of getos belief system even while directly opposing it.

In hidden inventory after Riko's death Satoru asks Geto if he should kill all of those people. And when the other disagrees he doesn't argue. Because Suguru is always right.

And when Geto defects and kills a bunch of non sorcerers his whole world crumbles because His firend has never been inconsistent or hypocritical before. Cause Geto is suPOSED to always be right. Like fuck you mean you talk about how sorcerers are born to protect regular people and then you go kill a bunch of those people you're supposedly meant to protect?

And sure he's angry. But his whole personality and morality is built around Geto. And he still thinks its the right way to think. So he keeps acting like that because in those 4 years they spent together he forgot how to care about his family's opinion. Because the only opinion that mattered was Geto's.

And if I was Gojo I'd be pretty fucking upset. Because sure its "do as I say not as I do" but Geto didn't make that choice only for himself. And how dare he even think he's wise enough to make that type of decision at 17? At any age. He didn't just choose to kill that whole village he chose every consequence of that action too. He chose to have an execution order placed on his head and he chose to kill his parents after that and he cHOSE to leave Gojo behind.

And that's fucked up like ok you made a mistake?? But don't keep making mistakes just so you don't have to admit it.

I hate them

[homunculus-argument]

The reason why teenagers are scary is the infinite potential for chaos - they're grownup-sized but lack both the brain capacity for impulse control and to fully consider any potential consequences of whatever they think of doing, and the life experience to even make educated guesses of what could happen if they do whatever it was that just popped into their heads. Like I don't think they're monsters and most of them are mostly harmless, but it's like with unfamilair dogs - you just never know.

This one time I was sitting at a local mall waiting for my friends, sitting on one of the benches quietly on my phone to kill time. A flock of teenagers drifted in and settled down to the seats next to mine, I ignored them and they ignored me as strangers do in public. They were getting somewhat rowdy but that wasn't my place, they're not my kids and it's not like other peoples' kids listen to me anyway if I tried to tell them to behave.

Anyway the security showed up to inform them that it's about time for them to cut that shit out and leave the premises, which they sensibly agreed to do after remarkably minimal protest. Having observed the scene from the corner of my eye while pretending to focus on my phone, I realised that while the kids left, the security guy remained right there. Looking up, I realised that he was staring at me, expectantly.

I was just about to start explaining to the guard that I was not with those guys, as one of the boys in the receeding flock - already leaving, but still well enough within earshot to overhear me, apparently - paused for a moment and turned, calling out to me: "hey [generic gen Z name], you coming or what?" and the rest of the gang, seeing what he did there, burst into laughter. They didn't even break their stride, just did that casually in passing.

The guard turned back to me, saying nothing. he just stared at me with the full expression of a man who doesn't get paid enough to listen to explanations nor give a shit about distinguishing between the two. Using my mostly fully developed adult brain to contemplate my chances, I decided that if it wasn't already so before, then it would certainly now be a futile effort to start explaining to him that not only had I never met those kids in my life, that's not my name, I am twenty-four, and I have no idea whatsoever why that kid randomly decided to do that.

So I packed my dignity along with my other stuff back to my backpack and left for the library to wait for my friends there.

Kids that age aren't evil or necessarily even actively malicious. Most of them grow up to be perfectly well-adjusted, sensible people. The problem is that they're just clever enough to spot an opportunity to go "hey fuck this random stranger's day, too", and not hesitate for a heartbeat before proceeding to do so.

[openstorygames]

Kids Play TTRPGs

There are plenty of people who started playing D&D or other TTRPGs as kids. Heck, imaginative play (which all kids engage in on some level and in some manner) is central to what TTRPGs do. Roleplaying is a critical part of developing your child self as a person!

So what's the benefit of giving kids a rule-bound system like D&D, Quest, or Kids on Bikes? Why should kids play TTRPGs and not just make-believe?

TTRPGs teach boundaries.

Some of this depends on how a particular group runs, but a healthy TTRPG group teaches kids where boundaries are and how to respect them.

This can show up in lots of ways.

letting dice determine success

working within the limitations of a class, feature, or spell description

avoiding upsetting or scary topics, as requested by a player

offering trigger warnings and safety tools

accepting when a GM says no

respecting when another player says no

Some of those things are organic to telling a story together. Some of them are brought in to keep the game fun for everyone, like safety tools. All of these examples—and more!—help kids practice boundaries one step removed from real life, where things are a bit harder.

TTRPGS provide escape.

As adults, we think of TTRPGs as escape from the crushing reality we live in. We can free ourselves from the news cycle or our social media feeds for a few hours and pretend we live in a world where our actions are world-changing (and I'm talking saving-the-world-from-evil-powers world-changing).

Kids need escape too! Not so that they're living outside of the world, but so they can practice the skills they need to live within it.

It's way easier to advocate for your PC who's scared of creepy crawlies than it is to admit your skin crawls around your buddy's pet snake.

Kids can practice all sorts of social skills in the freedom of TTRPGs because those games provide escape and distance from the world they actually inhabit. For example:

admitting fears

facing conflict

handling disagreement

learning about themselves

experimenting with consequences (from stealing a loaf of bread to going full murderhobo at times)

setting goals and making plans

Games are low stakes ways for all of us to practice tough conversations or new social skills. Why not let kids get a leg up by teaching them to role play?

TTRPGs build confidence.

Practice makes perfect, and TTRPGs are a great place to practice your sense of self (while inhabiting a character).

As kids get more confident roleplaying their PC, they learn gain confidence in who they are and speaking from that place.

This doesn't look like adults might expect though. We think of the bard suddenly offering a grand speech, or the shy loner forging bonds with the rest of the party.

Kids gaining confidence might not look like what you expect (more on that another time), but TTRPGs help clear the path for confident, empowered kids. And that's something worth making space for!

[love-me-love-my-weirdness]

The difference with the disorders of ASPD, psychopathy and NPD versus the 150-something other disorders in the DSM is that they function completely differently because they are PERSONALITY disorders and not regular disorders.

Personality disorders cause dysfunction with opinions, feelings, observations, empathy, perceptions and relationships. The way they see every event, instance, and conversation is coming from a distorted perception. They can be aware of this distorted perception but one of the main symptoms of these disorders is a lack of self-awareness and always believing one is right and never wrong, which is very common with cluster b disorders. Self-awareness is also a spectrum, not black and white as many people get wrong. They're not just "different" with their opinions and perceptions (everybody has different feelings and opinions) but they're maladaptive and unhealthy.

ASPD and NPD major/common symptoms from research (not just taking from the DSM I've been researching them for a decade now): revenge-prone (often from distorted perceptions but can certainly be from a non-distorted perception), entitlement issues, lack of empathy toward others, manipulation, deception, exploitation/supply-seeking, victim-complex and can't see fault in ones own behaviors chronically so- meaning they see themselves as perfect and don't take accountability for any little mistakes or wrongs, love-bombing then devaluing cycles which causes Stockholm syndrome, projection, possessiveness in relationships, extreme jealousy and envy issues in relationships or with peers, poor and abusive relationships.

While something like ADHD has issues with attention, focus staying on one task that isn't scary or bad, just distressing for the disordered individual. Anxiety disorders have symptoms like overthinking, feeling jittery or on edge, feeling distressed about the future, etc. Other disorders have issues with normal things that only distress the individual suffering from said disorder, they're not dangerous.

However, people with ASPD and NPD have symptoms that make them dangerous to themselves AND others, causing distress to both themselves AND others.

Yes, people with ASPD and NPD are certainly distressed as well from the consequences of their actions and lack of ability to love another person, thus making relationships unfulfilling. But they bring distress to people around them as well and just as much if not worse.

ASPD, psychopathy and narcissists are vindictive as a PERSONALITY trait and if you do your research properly - revenge as a maladaptive personality trait is a hallmark of ASPD and psychopathy, not just a one time thing like a 17 year old girl getting revenge with her best friend on her cheating partner (teenagers are impulsive and dumb they'd be more prone to this behavior than adults). But with personality disorders it is a pattern of behavior. And their revenge-seeking is an epidemic in the world of psychological abuse survivors because that's often what psychological abuse survivors complain of is the cluster-b persons vindictive behavior towards them for unrighteous reasons, that the cluster b thinks is righteous but thats the distortions and delusions they have. And part of that maladaptive trait is along with the lack of emotional (sometimes cognitive) empathy they don't have that line in the sand they won't cross, meaning they don't have limits on how far they're willing to hurt people making them inherently wrong for their behaviors.

Neuroscientists psychopathy and ASPD:

Dr Keel

Dr. Raine

Dr. Robert Hare 

Dr Kevin Dutton

Books: 

Handbook of psychopathy

Hervey Cleckley's original 1940's checklist that Hare basically admitted the PCL-R is based off of.

Npd:

Dr kernberg

Dr. W. Keith Campbell

Dr. Kraig malkin 

Dr. James Masterson

Dr Steve reed

Dr Elinor Greenberg 

Dr. Marie-France Hirigoyen, a psychoanalyst

There is a lot of what you’ve said that I agree with. ASPD and NPD do indeed cause symptoms distressing to themselves and others. People with ASPD and NPD can act harmfully. Jealousy does play a large role in NPD (I’m not so sure in ASPD since this is a disorder largely based off apathy).

I have NPD and I’m acutely aware of the distortions in my world view. I know that that’s unusual. I’ve had years of therapy and several times of radical acceptance to get to this point. Egotypicals still perceive things in ways that surprise me from time to time but generally I have a lot of self awareness and I’m very interested in psychology and the concept of society.

I have very low emotional empathy (although my cognitive empathy works very well if I have the energy) and yet I disagree with you saying that cluster b’s “don’t have limits on how far they’re willing to hurt people making them inherently wrong for their behaviours”. There are so many things wrong with that statement.

The first is the not having “limits”. I have limits. Perhaps they’re implemented more by rational thought than emotional (like others) but they’re still there. I have a set of morals that I stick steadfast to and I’ve been told by many people that I am a person who holds my values and morals close and guards them tightly.

The second is “willing to hurt people”. This might come as a shock but that’s not a specific cluster b trait. Anyone and everyone are willing to hurt people. Neurotypicals do it all the time. Neurodivergents do it all the time. Everyone does it all the time. For example, you are willing to hurt a group of people with personality disorders by sending an ask that deliberately frames them in a negative way. A simpler example is asking what you would do for your loved ones. Would you steal, fight, manipulate, break the law? All of those classify as “willing to hurt people”.

My third issue is that you say cluster b’s are “inherently wrong for their behaviours”. What behaviours? Who’s wrong?

If I take that as I assume it was meant to be intended, what you meant was “cluster b folk are wrong and will always be wrong in their behaviours because of the previously mentioned reasons”. I just disproved the previously mentioned reasons so that point is moot. You’ve just taken a few traits of a disorder, spun a negative portrayal on them and decided that that means cluster b people as a whole are completely untrustworthy and unforgivable in every aspect.

If I was to take a different view on the statement, I could interpret the meaning as “people who willfully do harm are inherently irredeemable”. That’s a more solid point but one I would dispute anyway. That ends up tipping more into the moral quandary of questions such as “would you steal bread for your starving family”. I would say that no one is inherently irredeemable. Certain acts may be unforgivable but people themselves are not irredeemable.

People who willfully do harm with malicious intent over and over again (the ones “without limits”) are indeed not good people. However, assuming that the only people who do that or the only people capable of doing it are cluster b is not a good view nor a correct one.

Anyone can be a bad person. Anyone can do bad things.

Another thing you mentioned is vindictiveness. I wouldn’t phrase it like that. For all intents and purposes it’s very similar but it’s much easier to understand is describing it as the fight response. Cluster b folk are more inclined to the fight response. When they perceive threat, they lash out, which can cause harm to themselves and others. It’s something a lot of people do however cluster b’s take it to an extreme.

It’s not a petty grudge and it’s not a relentless pursuing of someone. It’s a matter of hurt and survival instincts.

There’s been a lot of focus on the damage disorders do to others and far less on the damage it causes the person themself. And for those who are trying to cope better and hurt less it’s much harder for them as it becomes easier for people around them.

At the end of the day, you have sent what’s effectively a list of “proof” that cluster b’s are inherently harmful and that’s that (although you completely failed to mention BPD and HPD).

I want to prove that you’re wrong. No one is inherently harmful. No one is beyond hope of at least trying for better. ASPD and NPD (and BPD and HPD) don’t cause people to be awful people. They make mistakes, they mess up and they try to heal just like everyone else.

I can acknowledge how my actions hurt people and work on them and be a good person. Anyone can. I can take accountability for hurting someone even if I don’t accept I was wrong.

Personality disorders are morally neutral and it might be harder for me but I can create healthy, caring relationships.

If you won’t accept the idea that we can then that’s not our problem. That’s something I sincerely hope you educate yourself on and get over.

[snakeredbirdbatkatana]

Nightwing is a little bit batshit sucks to be Jason (TW Torture)

"You know, I felt so guilty about your funeral not that Bruce actually told me, but I would have wanted to be there."

It was supposed to be quiet night after his duffle bag stunt the alley, and majority of the actual problems have finally understood that the Red hood meant business was someone to be feared.

He didn't expect Dick in full blue bird getup to be sitting on his couch sprouting bullshit.

"Dickhead get the fuck out of my shit, and I don't give half a one about whatever your bitching is about."

He doesn't even see him move.

His back collides with the floor pain shooting straight into his spine. He can't even gasp before Dick's escrima is pressed to his throat.

He swallows.

He looks up at his brother in a way it's easy to forget the power of Nightwing under hugs and laughter he's deadly.

Batman's first protege the leader of the titans one of few able to actually take down the Bat.

"I wanted to be excited Jaybird, My baby brother back, and all grown up, but I think you forgot the rules Little Wing."

All cheery like it's a daily occurrence to threaten your supposed brother.

He goes to speak a hand covers his mouth pressure enough to pop his jaw.

"It's my turn ok Jay? Nod if you understand."

He nods.

"Now I don't mind what you did to Bruce, I happen to agree he should have done something, I killed Joker and guess what he revived him." He says with a giggle.

"I almost happened to enjoy your little bomb under the Batmobile if only my Robin wasn't about to enter it." Is growled into Jason's ear.

Almost on instinct Dick pushed down harder the stick starting to cut off Jason's breathe, before becoming almost gentle.

"You understand don't you, I protect my Robin's especially when they are running around in my suit. I still will happily protect you Little Wing, but you had to hurt my Baby Bird."

"Timmy's fourteen and you're funny enough over the age of eighteen Jaybird and what does it say about me if a grown adult can hurt my bird without consequence?"

Jason won't beg the little Pretender deserved what happened every broken bone, the fear it was music and no matter how scary Bitchwing can be he won't apologize he will do it again.

Dickhead must see his lack of apology the escrima turns on. He screams teeth shaking as he seizes. Dick turns him to the side a gentle hand rubbing his back incase he gets sick. It feels like hours but must have only been seconds.

"To think that was the lowest setting, I had hoped that you would apologize but I was wrong." Like a parent with a misbehaving child.

"It's ok, plan's can change, I'm gonna do it one more time, not enough to kill you of course! But you will be very uncomfortable when you wake up."

Laughter that would be hard to differentiate from a certain clown.

"You will learn though no one hurts my baby bird, especially not you."

It hurts so much, he bites clean through his tongue a scream cut of as vomit spews onto his floor quickly joined by another liquid.

He passes out to the sound of Dick's quiet humming and a hand running through his hair.

[hello-nichya-here]

Some Peter Pan 2003 edits, enjoy.

(Nichya, do you agree with me by thinking this movie is the few examples of a live action Disney remake being as good if not better than the original?)

I agree and there's a very good reason why that is the case: it wasn't made by Disney, but by Universal, who wanted to be more loyal to the original story - and like Jason Isaac's himself said, that was the thing that made this movie so different from most adaptations of it.

I'm gonna be real, I used to hate basically every version of Peter Pan, mainly because of the Disney cartoon being my introduction to the story. I just never understood why Wendy liked him, or why he liked her, or how Neverland was in anyway special/different from any generic "Magic place", or why I should care if any of these characters leave it behind or stay. And keep in mind, this was coming from a child that was all about the Disney formulas. Peter Pan, as a concept, just REALLY felt hollow to little me.

... And then I watched this movie.

Let me tell you, 6-year-old Nichya was OBSESSED with this movie (and with Jason Isaac as Hook). 24-year-old Nichya too, even more so actually, because EVERYTHING ABOUT IT is perfect - including the thing that aged "poorly", aka the special effects.

Neverland doesn't really look real and that's good. The dated effects, the epic music and the very colorful lighting make it look like a place that could only exist in dreams, so when Wendy and her brothers are in awe of it, I totally get it. Today's tendency of films in which every scene look super dark and/dull makes me appreciate it even more.

The lighting also does wonders for the storytelling, showing Peter's magical connection with Neverland as it changes based on his emotional state, or in moments like Wendy seeing Hook for the first time, with the extra focus on his eyes - you can practically hear the book quote of Wendy being fascinated instead of frightened.

Speaking of the book, the fact that this adaptation had the guts to go with THE thing that could end making it far too corny and silly, aka the "kiss" Wendy has on her lips and that shows she's starting to grow up and become interested in romance is SUCH an important plot-point and key aspect of her character arc, and is delightful to see an adaptation that goes "We already have a magical land, fairies, mermaids, and a boy that stays a kid forever. How is the 'kiss' going to make it less realistic? It's fantasy already!"

And I love, love, love how they make sure we know who Wendy is outside of romance (a storyteller that wants adventure, a child that is both really mature and responsible, but also activelly trying to escape that role, someone who is very motherly but has a ton of anxiety about the prospect of eventually being the adult in charge) - but without ever downplaying how much her romance with Peter means to her.

He was the boy that was giving her everything she was looking for at the moment: friendship, adventure, excitement, and, more importantly, a way to escape any responsibility she didn't want - forever. He really is the hero she had been waiting for, and that, as a consequence, makes her realize that growing up and eventually having a family is not that scary after all, as long as she finds the right person, someone who understands her and that she trusts.

Obviously, she doesn't want to get married and have a ton of kids NOW, but she wants the promise that this will happen - when they're ready for it, when they're older. But Peter Pan is no ordinary boy. It's not just that he's too immature to fully embrace his feelings for Wendy right now, and could truly allow himself to love her later. He is NEVER going to reach that point, he's far too afraid to allow himself the chance to even try. And that breaks Wendy's heart.

And it breaks Peter's heart too, because he WANTS to be loved, and he already cares for Wendy in a way he never cared about anyone else. But because of who he is, she, and everyone else, will inevitably leave him. Because ALL children grow up. He is the only one who was blessed, and cursed, to be the exception.

He'll never be a husband and father. He will never be someone's child or sibling. He's the true lost boy, out of reach forever. He is truly free from everything and everyone, but the price is the knowledge that, sooner or later, he will find himself completely alone time and time again. And Wendy, the girl he loves, will one day either forget him or grow old and die - after having lived a full life with someone else, because Peter couldn't, and wouldn't, grow old with her.

He's doomed to be lonely forever... just like Hook. But unlike Hook, when he is immature and selfish (like when he closes the window at Wendy's house in the hopes that she'll believe her parents stopped waiting for her and her siblings), he does it out of pure desperation, because he's a child that genuinely doesn't know any better.

Hook however, is coming from a place of malice. When he "pursues" Wendy, he does out of jealousy that Peter managed to find true love, while he will never have that. He does it to steal that from him, to hurt him, to make him endure the pain of knowing that, of all people that could have replaced him in Wendy's heart, he was the one who did it.

And, of course, while he never really does anything to Wendy, the constant implication that, at any second, he might, looms large. Their dynamic is inherently predatory, with Hook exploiting the fact that Wendy is mature enough to want a romantic connection, but is still too naive to understand all the implications behind it, and, more importantly, that no adult that wants to be with her like that could possibly be someone she's safe with it.

He is an intriguing, tragic figure like Peter and thus can "seduce" her rather easily too (the fact that Jason Isaacs is really fucking hot doesn't hurt either), but he is doing it through constant manipulation, reminding her that she can never have the boy she actually wants and exploiting her childish need to have some form of petty revenge against him for it, by "befriending" the person he hates the most in the whole world.

But there's another thing that brings her closer to Hook: the fact that, despite being the complete opposite of her father, he still LOOKS like him, is the real adult authority figure around, and he is offering her advice and comfort when she experiences her first heartbreak. He represents both her adolescent impulse to rebel, to proove she's grown already, and her childlike instinct to just run to the arms of her parent and let him call the shots because she's afraid of making mistakes and wants someone who can tell her what to do, how she's supposed to act.

There is a recurring theme through the movie of Wendy's mostly innocent fantasies being read through an adult lenses (see the teacher's concern and offense at the drawing of Peter above her in bed - because he's FLYING, not touching her in anyway). Much like when she was the "mother" of the Lost Boys, when she is by Hook's side, Wendy is a child playing pretend. But the threat Hook poses is very real and his intentions are downright evil. Because Wendy ran away from the flawed, but well-meaning adults she could trust, she walked right into the trap of a very dangerous man that is taking advantage of her need for a protector, a mentor.

And that's why the kiss scene is the perfect climax for the movie, as it concludes three character arcs at once. It shows us Wendy choosing true love, however fleeting, instead of Hook's lies, and indulging in one last childhood fantasy before growing up. It gives Peter the only form of closure he could ever have, knowing that even if he can't be with Wendy, he will always be "the one" for her and won't ever be forgotten, just like he won't ever forget her, because they mean too much to each other. And Hook is forced to accept that, because he can't connect with anyone without manipulation, which could never last, his life truly is void in a way even Peter's never would be.

So yeah, it's a great movie with serious guts, and everyone else can just quit trying to make a new adaptation, reboot, sequel, prequel or whatever because they're never getting anywhere near this level of quality.