#and today i said ‘i honestly don’t think anyone can interpret ALL OF THE BIBLE correctly it’s just too infinite’

[moonmoonthecrabking]

“does Jesus have a political agenda” i see the sexist theobros are going to be insufferable this week

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Alma Mater (S2, E3)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading. 

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:20 - There’s no way Martin is actually going to escape Claremont until AT LEAST the season finale.

0:55 - Anyone else annoyed that Ainsley isn’t in Martin’s fantasy? I mean - it’s completely in character but it still pisses me off. 

1:49 - I’m sorry - what? How will pouring Malcolm a drink help this fictional situation?

2:00 - Malcolm ruining Martin’s fantasy dream is honestly such a mood. 

2:10 - “That little kill joy.” haha 

2:21 - Malcolm has a stationary bike. Of course he does. But why does he listen to the personal trainer lady (who I assume was a recording programmed on the bike)? Malcolm doesn’t seem like he needs praise or motivation to exercise. He probably does it the way I do - mindlessly as a habit. A habit built from the knowledge that if I skip a morning workout I will feel more unsettled and anxious than usual before lunch....and don’t even get me started on how quickly my depressive thoughts escalate. 

2:24 - ....I’m still convinced/hoping that this is a false memory Martin has planted in Malcolm. I’m all for Malcolm whump and Malcolm trauma...but the thought of Gil, the team, and Jessica finding out that Malcolm committed a crime terrifies me. I don’t want him to go to jail. I don’t want Gil and the team to turn their back on him. I don’t want Jessica to blame herself (more than usual).

2:39 - I love that the “Malcolm pretty much only feeds himself liquorice and lollipops” is still canon this season.

2:42 - OMG. That is not a helpful affirmation. Like maybe for anyone? If you’re traumatized/depressed/anxious “consider the past and you shall know the future” is not comforting or inspiring. It’s the opposite.

2:48 - I’m loving how confidently Malcolm has been shutting down Martin’s manipulation. #soproud

2:52 - Anyone else super upset that Martin is the person with whom Malcolm discusses his mental health the most honestly? 

3:12 - Check out the way Mr. David looks at Martin here. Does Mr. David already know about Endicott? Or is he just like, “Bitch, spit it out so I don’t have to keep guessing your current family drama.”?

3:17 - “Let’s have another session today.” .....Does Martin really think he’s Malcolm’s new therapist? DOES MALCOLM THINK THAT? IS THAT WHY HE ISN’T SEEING GABRIELLE? HAS MARTIN MANIPULATED HIM INTO THINKING THAT HE DOESN’T NEED GABRIELLE?!?

3:22 - hahahaha OMG. Mr.David is so done with Martin’s theatrics.

3:32 - Ok so two things:

Martin’s insight on Malcolm’s mental health/coping mechanisms is disturbingly on point. Almost like he’s an attentive, caring, father (which he isn’t). 

How long was Gil outside Malcolm’s door before he knocked? Do you think he overheard Malcolm’s side of the conversation? I kind of hope he did. But only if it means I get to see Gil asking Malcolm about it.

3:50 - “Put me on speaker.” I’m torn. Part of me is so proud of Malcolm for denying Martin’s need for attention....but part of me is living for a Martin/Gil showdown where they fight over Malcolm in front of Malcolm.

3:54 - Ok. So Gil was a jerk last episode but I forgive him. Gil just showed up at Malcolm’s apartment to tell him about a case instead of calling Malcolm. Gil knew Malcolm would be upset. Gil knew that Malcolm needed to hear this in person. <3 My heart is full. <3 

4:12 - Concerned!Gil is everything. Look at how much he cares about Malcolm and what this case will inevitably bring up for Malcolm. You can almost see how badly Gil doesn’t want Malcolm on this case. 

4:13 - “What if I said I need you?” Damn. Gil knows. He knows that Malcolm desperately doesn’t want to ever disappoint Gil. Gil is Malcolm’s hero and, when Malcolm is thinking straight, he’d do anything for Gil. 

4:17 - <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Gil looks so sad when he notices Malcolm’s hand shaking. Can a heart simultaneously break and heal? 

4:23 - Oh yeah. Gil definitely wanted Brumback dead for what he did to Malcolm. He doesn’t even try giving Malcolm the “you’re being insensitive” look. 

4:42 - Wow. That school is nicer than my university. 

4:47 - Do you think Gil’s been to the school before? To visit and/or pick up Malcolm? ....I really want to believe he did. Gil looks like he’s leading Malcolm through campus. Gil looks like he’s familiar with the campus. Surely that means he visited Malcolm there. Right?

5:17 - So...was the “office under water” thing officially a prank? It’s brutal. Forget the murder, Brumback would’ve expelled kids for that prank. 

5:27 - I love how Dani looks at Gil for clarification here. She’s like, “Malcolm is upset, ranting, and making no sense. I’m not going to set him off further by asking more questions. But I need to know what the hell he’s going on about.”

5:40 - Soooo is JT texting Dani? Or is Tally? I really hope it’s Tally. I hope Dani’s texts are all reading something along the lines of “He won’t stop pacing and panicking. If he doesn’t calm down I’m going to slap him.”

5:43 - I love the look of disbelief that Gil shoots Dani when her phone goes off. haha

5:52 - hahaha Gil so heard Edrisa the first time. He was just giving her a chance to conform to professional social standards. 

6:03 - hahahaha OMG. Edrisa is a treasure.

6:56 - awww Malcolm, baby. :( This boy has so much trauma. I love it. 

7:07 - I’m assuming Malcolm’s ‘high school’ was grades 10-12 (not 8-12 which is common in the area of Canada where I grew up) so that means Tom Payne is currently being passed off as a 15-16 year old. It kinda works. But ngl - I spent most of this scene thinking “could they not hire a kid because of COVID?” 

7:12 - I’m not actually mad that Tom Payne was allowed to play high school Malcolm though. His performance in this scene is really moving. “Be someone new.” :( <3

7:45 - Sooooo Malcolm changed his name before he was legally an adult. If it’s his legal last name (we see “Bright” on pill bottles in S1 so it’s his legal name now at least) Jessica had to have signed the paperwork. Damn. I wish I was there to see that process regardless of when it became his legal last name.

7:49 - Baby Malcolm looks so comforted by Martin’s acceptance of his new name and new school. It breaks my heart. 

8:00 - Wait. There was a teacher who liked Malcolm at this school? The son a serial killer? AND the teacher recognizes Malcolm 15 years later?!? Nah. I don’t buy it. I love Malcolm but I feel like the teachers would’ve avoided developing any sort of relationship with Malcolm even if they didn’t have a problem with him. 

8:05 - Hold up. This school is so fancy. Are you telling me they don’t have outdoor security cameras? Surely those would’ve told you who the suspects for the desk thing were at least. 

8:15 - awwww poor Malcolm looks shattered here. :( 

8:31 - “Easy. Let’s keep an open mind.”  That is pure Dad!Gil energy and I’m here for it. 

8:39 - Of course. Of course Jessica is involved in the rich school. 

8:51 - I’m on Gil and Malcolm’s side here. Jessica is putting her reputation over Malcolm’s mental health. Shame on her. No no. I will not stand for this - and neither will Gil. Damn. Look at how pissed he is on Malcolm’s behalf. <3 So sweet. 

9:06 - “Pop-pop’s aquatic center”!?!? Soooo is Pop-pop Jessica’s grandfather or Malcolm’s? Either way give me more information about the extended family. Are they dead? Did they disown them after the Surgeon business? I WANT ANSWERS FEDAK. 

9:15 - I swear. Malcolm is the best son/brother ever. The sacrifices he makes for his Mom/sister are unreal. Also - how much do you want to bet that Malcolm was thinking about the Endicott murder coming out when Jessica said, “how soon until they connect that back to me?”. Malcolm looks so sad here. 

9:23 - Nah. I don’t like Delaney. Even on the first watch I was put off by him. Something about him just creeps me out. He’s showing a weird amount of affection for Malcolm 15 years after Malcolm finished school. IDK maybe I was just upset that someone was trying to mimic Gil’s relationship with Malcolm? 

9:27 - oooooooohhhhh Mom and Dad are fighting. hahaha Malcolm looks so uncomfortable. Gil looks livid. Is Gil pissed because Jessica dumped him or because she totally just neglected Malcolm’s well-being for her own? Probably both. Either way, it’s endlessly entertaining. 

9:53 - I’m on Gil’s side here. She dumped him (like a f**ing moron) because she “doesn’t want to hurt him” and because she’s “broken” and “cursed”. Yet - she manipulates her way into cases. Making her business Gil’s. Gil should be pissed - she broke his heart. Again. Like he’s literally been choosing to hang out with Malcolm, Jessica’s (let’s face it) broken son, for more than 20 years. Jessica’s crazy if she thinks that she’s going to get Gil killed or hurt just because she’s a Whitly. Malcolm’s technically a Whitly - Gil hasn’t died yet. 

10:15 - “Not usually.” Dang. That was icy.

10:50 - Yo this is one messed up bible study. Take it from someone who has attended many young adult/teenage bible studies. This is crazy. Usually it’s: read the bible for 5-10 minutes as a group, discuss how you interpreted it for 15-20 mins, pray as a group for 5 mins, then like an hour of tea/coffee, cookies, board games, and general chatting about normal stuff like romance, school, and personal drama. 

11:44 - “Poor Tally.” hahaha I’m willing to bet that Tally is texting Dani - not JT. I just can’t imagine a panicking, first-time father, texting his little sister with accurate medical details about his wife’s pre-labour experience. He’s probably way too panicked to remember the medical jargon that is “foley ballon”.

12:00 - I’ve watched this scene about 30 times. I’m in love with it. Tom Payne’s performance is haunting and I’m a sucker for emotional whump. I love how Dani is concerned about Malcolm but respectful enough to pry until he shuts down. I love Malcolm’s little speech about the hand tremor (even though it doesn’t make sense because baby Malcolm’s hand was shaking when Shannon interrogated him - but that’s a whole different can of worms I’m not going to rant about).

 12:39 - Does anyone else think it’s weird that there’s a bolt on the closet door? Why isn’t there a lock in the door handle like every other interior school door? I mean, I guess it’s because they can be unlocked from the inside and Nicky would’ve needed a key....but still. The things I forgive for the sake of plot. 

13:25 - Damn. Brumback was a real jerk. “I know what you really are.” Do you know how painful that would be for Malcolm to hear? Regardless of what he almost did to Nicky? Everywhere Malcolm goes people accuse him of being just like his father. Is it surprising that in a moment of weakness, with teenage hormones, Malcolm snapped and said, “Eff it. They think I’m a murderer anyways.”

13:26 - OMG. How bad were the kids at this school?!?! Brumback expelled so many kids. Holy hell. Also - Brumback is wearing a wedding ring. Did he get divorced before he died? Did his wife pass away before him? Why was his family not part of this investigation at all?

13:31 - Brumback writing “Malcolm Whitly” instead of Malcolm Bright is....ouch. I just. My heart breaks for Malcolm.

13:37 - OMG. Traumatized people going through PTSD flashbacks should not be unattended next to a pool of water. Honestly - I thought our boy was going to drown. Which the whumper in me would’ve loved but also I don’t think it was right for the plot on this one. 

14:38 - Martin is such a liar. He definitely thinks he’s God’s gift to the Earth. 

15:02 - Martin knows a lot about the security zones. Something tells me this isn’t the first time he’s contemplated escaping. 

15:04 - Oh shit. Daryl has an imaginary cell mate. I know that’s a serious mental illness and I shouldn’t laugh but OMG. The moment Martin realizes that Daryl is delusional is priceless. hahahaha

15:25 - How much to do want to bet Mr. David has a red key card? Martin’s grin confirms it. 

15:40 - Wow. The classrooms in this high school are really big. I would’ve thought this fancy private school would have smaller class sizes.

15:49 - YES. OMG. Malcolm walking into that classroom soaking wet is golden. *chef’s kiss* Look at Gil’s face - it’s a mixture of concern and disbelief. He’s soooo worried about Malcolm right now. <3 

16:07 - It’s a good thing Malcolm’s rich because that phone is never going to be useful again. 

16:20 - ahhahahaha OMG. WTF. Gil’s little twinkle-finger wave is hilarious. 

16:38 - This whole scene Gil is just staring at Malcolm with so much concern. It warms my cold, dead heart. <3

16:46 - Do you think Malcolm looked for his name in the book? Is it the same book? Do you think Brumback expelled enough kids that this is a new black book?

17:08 - Ok. So I immediately don’t like Louisa. That level of confidence and self-absorption is very unattractive. 

17:25 - Louisa volunteers in the library. That’s how she got access to the poison. 

17:35 - “Dude. You’re dripping.” “Yeah. Water does that.” Can Malcolm be this sassy every episode?!? I’m living for it. 

17:57 - “Boys right? Oof” haha I love Malcolm talking to teenagers. I want it in every episode. ALSO - the jock’s story about the two girls - I’m sorry, but I just don’t see how that an expulsion level offence unless the kid is leaving something out of the story. 

18:31 - Of course they talked about this before they came there. DELANEY WARNED THEM. But mostly to keep his little cheating ring hush hush. 

18:55 - And just like that we’ve been blessed with Malcolm in casual clothes. Wish I could’ve seen Gil question Malcolm’s swim though. 

19:26 - OMG. Edrisa is such a cute little nerd. <3 Protect her at all costs. 

20:00 - Gil and Jessica arguing is amazing. I’m loving it and hating it. Because I want them to live happily ever after in a fairytale world but I do enjoy the drama. 

20:06 - hahaha look at how Jessica just pushes Gil to the side and plows on to Malcolm. This woman is fierce.

20:11 - Yes. Yes Malcolm. Tell Mom she has unrealistic and insensitive expectations of you.

 20:18 - What kind of school is this?!? The board of trustee members are buddy buddy with the students?!? 

20:22 - “They’re all from impeccable families.” “So was I” Mic drop. Watch Malcolm drop the truth bombs. This is maybe the best line in this episode. 

20:30 - “And just like you - none of them is capable of murder.” .....well this sentence is going to come back and bite Jessica in the butt later this season. 

20:44 - The fact that these kids think Edrisa is a freshman is actually hilarious to me. 

20:50 - OMG. “Welcome to boarding school. Bitch.” I was ready for Louisa to die right here. She just punched Edrisa and then called her a bitch. No no no. Edrisa is a quirky treasure and we must protect her. 

21:00 - Damn. I wish we got to see the team’s reaction when they found out one of their teenage suspects assaulted their favourite M.E.

21:10 - Why is it soooo attractive when Malcolm wears casual shirts under a suit jacket? 

21:53 - “My vote is for Louisa. The girl’s got a heavy fist.” hahaha I love Edrisa. SO SO much. 

22:05 - Soooo is Jessica some sort of consultant now? They used her to interview cult extractors and now rich, teenage murder suspect. Is she the “rich person investigator” now?

22:11 - Does Louisa know that Malcolm is Jessica’s son?

23:04 - Louisa is a bad liar. 

24:15 - Delaney should be ashamed. He told Nicky who Malcolm’s dad was. He is the reason that Malcolm got locked in a closet for 3 days. He is the reason Malcolm is claustrophobic. This man should have his teaching license seized and be charged with child abuse. What he did was absolutely despicable. 

24:35 - “My mom’s sending a car.” It’s nice that Malcolm doesn’t always refer to Jessica as “mother”

25:00 - This is heartbreaking. I hope Nicky got expelled. If he didn’t - Malcolm experience a bigger injustice than we were lead to believe. Look at Nicky walking away from Malcolm. That kid has no remorse. I don’t blame Malcolm for seeking revenge. Malcolm keeps getting burned by people. Something had to give eventually.

25:30 - The biggest crime this episode committed is that we only saw Malcolm getting comfort from DELANEY. Honestly. Where was my papa Gil moment?!? Or a Dani+Malcolm moment?!?

25:51 - I doubt Delaney tried to stand up for Malcolm. He probably encouraged the expulsion. 

26:05 - “Please.” Yikes. This has been torturing Malcolm for years. Who sold him out? Who ruined his last chance at a happy childhood? Who allowed him to be traumatized further? Who gave him the hand tremor (assuming we’re ignoring the S1 canon). 

26:38 - What. A. Getaway. This school is full of crazy rich kids.

26:55 - “This time”?!? Doesn’t Martin always root for the killer?

27:05 - I love everything about this interaction between Martin and Malcolm. I love how upset Malcolm is. I love how Malcolm calls out Martin for being a bad dad. I love that Martin just sits there and takes it. Martin even looks a little sad. It makes me wonder - did Martin know about Delaney’s cheating ring? Did Martin manipulate Delaney into thinking Malcolm was a threat and convince him to get Malcolm expelled? I can see Martin doing it. If for no other reason than to tarnish the “Milton legacy” at Remington. 

28:04 - UGH. I want to see how Malcolm got out of that closet SO BAD. Who found him? How close to death was he? PLEASE TELL ME IT WAS GIL. Why didn’t Jessica investigate when Malcolm didn’t show up at the Hamptons as planned? 

28:13 - “How you wish that were true.” Ouch. Martin is a real asshole. He knows just how to destabilize Malcolm’s confidence. 

28:56 - Even now, Martin is trying to manipulate Malcolm. Their relationship is so dysfunctional, beautiful, heartbreaking, and complex. I could watch them interact forever. 

29:31 - Look at that little head shake from Mr. David. Martin’s cell is not soundproof. Mr. David heard everything. Mr. David always hears everything. Mr. David knows about Endicott. Istg. 

30:12 - Delaney is a scumbag. He might not be a serial killer but he’s another male, adult asshole who gained Malcolm’s trust and then stabbed him in the back. 

30:37 - OK. So I know, I’ve been hypothesizing that Mr. David is an ally to Martin’s crazy schemes, or that he worked for Endicott, or that Martin is going to try to kill Mr. David. BUT YO. IF MR. DAVID DIES I WILL THROW HANDS. HE’S SUCH A GREAT CHARACTER. 

31:40 - This is a weirdly fancy room for video games. Also I miss JT. He should be here. I wish he was here. He would’ve been so good in this episode. Can you imagine his facial expressions and comments when he finds out little tidbits about Malcolm’s teenage past?! It would’ve been comedic GOLD. Couldn’t Tally give birth during a less interesting episode?!?! 

32:15 - I’m convinced that Malcolm isn’t actually upset that Delaney’s crime is running the cheating ring. I think Malcolm’s upset because he just realized the only positive male role model (aside from Gil) that he had as a teenager was a manipulative liar who betrayed him. Malcolm just realized that this dude never cared about him and he’s crushed.

32:27 - Wait. Does Delaney make the kids pay him for the answers? Because that actually makes sense. 

33:08 - This whole scene where Molly runs out of the back room and Dani says, “who are you running from?” is really cringey to me. 

33:19 - Oh great. Now the guy who betrayed Malcolm is touching the back of Malcolm’s neck. JUST LIKE GIL DOES. Well....something tells me that’s going to taint how comforting Malcolm find’s that gesture coming from Gil for a while. Malcolm just isn’t allowed to be happy. Even for a moment. It’s a shame. I also love it. 

33:40 - Awww...poor Malcolm is claustrophobic and he gets locked in the vault with a dying man. Look how desperate he is to get out of there - to save Delaney and to save himself more mental distress. 

33:53 - Look at Malcolm panicking here. He tries to hide his panic as concern for Delaney but he’s clearly freaking out about being trapped in a smallish space. 

34:25 - Yep. Malcolm didn’t think he could trust Daryl because Daryl is delusional. SO Martin threatens to murder Daryl and then metaphorically stabs the dude in the back. This is perfectly in character. 

35:25 - Damn. Louisa is seriously mentally ill. She has zero empathy. 

35:57 - Malcolm projecting his mental issues on the killer du jour is always simultaneously cringey and amazing to me. 

36:26 - I’m not going to lie. Daryl screaming “He’s a Judas” as he was dragged away was hilarious. 

37:04 - Holy shit. This took a turn. I’ll be honest - I don’t blame Malcolm for almost killing Nicky. But it does scare me. 

38:35 - That story must have been haunting Malcolm for 15 years. I bet you he’s never told anyone not even Gabrielle. He’s had nightmares about it. Because he knows he’s capable of murder. Just like Martin. That terrifies Malcolm more than anything in the world. 

39:12 - sooooo Delaney just heard that whole confession. Delaney lives. Something tells me this is going to be a problem for Malcolm when Endicott’s murder is investigated later in the season.

39:35 - “Are you insane?” “Maybe.” That’s it. That’s the show. 

40:00 - Two questions: 1) Where is Dani? 2) Why does Gil not know where Malcolm is right now?

40:22 - Look Fedak screwed us over. We didn’t get to see Gil find Malcolm half-dead on the floor of that library vault. BUT this scene almost makes up for it. 

40:24 - Malcolm wrapped in a blanket is so so cute. I just want to hug him. I want Gil to hug him. Ugh. <3 

40:28 - I love that you can tell that Malcolm and Gil have had this sort of discussion about Malcolm’s sense of self-preservation numerous times in the past. Gil looks sooooo pissed. And concerned. 

40:35 - Malcolm’s imitation of Gil makes me so so so so happy. I just. Ugh. It’s adorable. Look at how exasperated it makes Gil. Look at Dani’s reaction to it. This might be the greatest “found family”. scenes this show has given us to date. 

40:55 - “All in a day’s work.” Oh yeah. Gil is super concerned about Malcolm’s mental state. Gil is Worried. I want to see more of it. 

40:57 - I love that Dani just can’t wait anymore. She’s so precious. Look at how excited she is about JT’s baby. <3 I’m in love. She’s so soft here - it’s beautiful and rare for this show to let the audience see this side of Dani. 

41:00 - GIL’S REACTION. <3 OMG. I LOVE HIM. HE LOOKS SO HAPPY. I HOPE JT AND TALLY DUB HIM THE BABY’S UNOFFICIAL GRANDFATHER. 

41:02 - MALCOLM’S FACE. <3 <3 <3 IS THIS THE FIRST TIME HE’S EVER SEEN A BABY? HE’S SO ENAMORED WITH THIS CHILD ALREADY. LOOK AT HOW MUCH MALCOLM ALREADY LOVES JT’S KID. <3 <3 IT’S SO SOFT. I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO MUCH. 

41:22 - I can’t decide about this scene. On one hand - I think it’s really mature of Malcolm to apologize to Martin. It’s a courtesy that Martin doesn’t deserve. ON THE OTHER HAND - I wonder if Malcolm is only apologizing to throw Martin off balance. I wonder if this is Malcolm’s attempt to manipulate Martin for once. Either way - I love it. 

42:25 - Martin always gets the last word. He always worms his way into Malcolm’s brain and screws with Malcolm’s sense of self. I hate it. But I also find it so captivating. 

43:05 - Sooooo is Martin committing the murder next episode? Or is he just manipulating someone else to commit a murder? Either way - I’m excited. 

If you read this far - I’m flattered. I also think you’re a little crazy. But thanks for hanging out. 

[dharc16]

STONE DIVINATIONS

Divination is a magical process which utilizes various tools to provide glimpses of the future. The use of tarot cards is a form of divination, as is watching clouds pass overhead or gazing at the patterns caused by tea leaves in a cup.

For those who are unable to be consciously psychic when the need arises, divination is the next best thing, although the ability to intuitively divine is also a gift that is not given to everyone, despite what modern paganism would have you believe, it is something that anyone can do in prayer while trying to discern God's will in their own lives.

While performing this magic, we focus our conscious mind on the symbols presented to us and allow them to contact our psychic mind. The symbols – coins, rune stones, raindrops on a window – are simple keys which enable us to unlock our psychic awareness or messages from our higher selves or more importantly from God.

There are thousands of forms of divination. It has been practiced in all cultures throughout history. Sometimes these rites were performed by the individual, sometimes by priestesses, priests or shamans. It was practiced by God's people in the Bible, including by Jesus' own disciples. The quest for knowledge of possible future events is still alive today. What was banned in the Bible was practicing divination for selfish reasons, for reasons that might cause harm to other people, or gaining information by using demonic spirits.

I said, “possible future events” above because nothing is carved in stone. The future isn't mapped out in advance. Our choices change our futures. The story of Jonah was one of those examples. We are creating our futures every second of every day. Our lives are the results of our decisions. Divination can help us make those choices.

Just as we determine our futures, other persons can influence our lives as well if we allow them to. Universal forces ebb and flow, adding their energy to the shape of tomorrow. The factors that are at work here are incomprehensible.

Fortunately, we needn't understand these processes to gain a glimpse of the future. All we need do is choose our tools and use them ritually to contact the spiritual guidance that is available to us all.

Stone divination is an excellent form of this ancient art. When you need guidance regarding an important decision, look to God and use the stones for help. If fear grips you when you think about an upcoming event, look to God and use the stones. If you;re unsure whether or magical rite you're about to perform is designed for your goal, use a stone divination to bring all sharply into focus.

This can easily become a crutch. The man or woman who won't leave the house without consulting a psychic is a cliche, but it is too often true. Divination isn't a necessity for daily living; it is a tool which we pick up and use when needed, then set down. Divination can help us make decisions, warn us of possible dangers or ill-health, and provide another perspective on a problem.

It may be exciting to perform a divination, but it should never be done “just for fun” or out of boredom. Like magic, divination is used when it is necessary.

Most divinatory systems contain some sort of element of 'chance.' This determines which tools – in this case, stones – will be available to help us unlock the secrets of tomorrow. Pulling a stone at random from a bag, opening our Bibles randomly for a verse, shuffling tarot cards, or tossing I Ching stalks or coins brings chance into the divination.

Always pray before doing any form of divination. Ask for God to show you what They need for you to know for your quest.

Other forms of divination rely on more direct communication with the subconscious mind. The pendulum, for example, is a tool which is set in motion by minuscule movements of the arm and hand that hold it. These movements are caused by the conscious or sub-conscious mind, and are interpreted to gain an answer. These are less likely to be supernaturally influenced and there is a larger margin for error because our minds may know what we WANT to hear and will influence our movements to provide that answer, even if that is not the answer that we NEED to hear. I, personally, can make a pendulum give whatever answer I want it to give without anyone else seeing any movement at all. This is nothing more than slight of hand and can be dangerous when asking for God's will.

If you're consciously psychic at will, you won't need divination. If not, you may want to begin working with one of the systems outlined in this chapter. In doing so, remember these things:

It may take a few sessions for you to properly work the divination, to approach it with the correct frame of mind, and to use the symbols presented to you to unfold your psychic awareness.

The future isn't predetermined. If you see something that bothers you, you can change it through your choices and through prayer, intention, and magic! If an unreasonably rosy picture is presented to you, you might question yourself: Am I reading my desires into this? Am I properly utilizing the system? Is this system appropriate for me? (In other words, does it speak to my psychic mind?). I have found that it is rare for one person to be “gifted” in more than one or two forms of divination. Like I am very gifted in Tarot and do well with Runes but not really with any other form of divination. In fact, I am honestly afraid to use my pendulum because I CONSISTENTLY get the answers I want to receive so that I do not feel safe in basing choices and life decisions on it unless it is something that needs an answer from my own subconscious mind and not from a higher source. It is wise to acknowledge this and take steps to develop my true gifts instead of trying to force a divination form that does not work well for me. Everyone has gifts and one gift is not better or worse than any other gift.

That is my advice to you. Everyone has different God-given gifts. Not everyone has “witchy” gifts but their gifts are no less important. And those who DO have “witchy” gifts do not all have the same ones. Just because you think Trelawny is amazing and you want to be like her does not mean that you will ever have the gift of reading tea leaves or crystal balls. Be sure to pray to God and ask Them to show you what your God-given gifts are, and then be honest with yourself when you see that one gift, even if you wanted that gift, is not for you. And be sure to use your intuition always!

If you DO find that you have a gift for divination, remember this: Divination is performed out of necessity. If an honest conversation, a few phone calls or letters, or a few moments of concentration will successfully clear up your questions, try these things first. If not, work with your divinatory gift.

STONE SCRYING

Scrying is gazing into or contemplating a shining, luminous or reflective surface.

Stone scrying is probably the best known form of divination. Highly polished, reflective stones have been used for thousands of years in developing psychic awareness.

Most people have heard of the ubiquitous 'crystal ball.' This magical tool is simply a sphere of quartz crystal. Large, clear quartz spheres can cost $1,000 to $10,000; but smaller ones an inch or less in size are available for about $20. The six-inch variety seen in cheap movies are made of glass or plastic. The six-inch quartz spheres are more rare and more costly but, fortunately, aren't necessary.

Quartz isn't the only stone chosen for scrying. A multitude of other stones are also used for forms of scrying. Flat, square pieces of obsidian were favored in ancient Mexico and beryl spheres or eggs were the stones of choice during the Renaissance, but the crystal sphere captured the popular imagination long ago.

This is a guide for those interested in scrying with quartz crystal spheres. Remember, this is a GUIDE only! As with everything in magic, listen to your intuition!

After obtaining your scrying stone, wash it in water. Dry and wrap it in a soft, dark cloth.

Traditionally, stones used for scrying are never exposed to sunlight, as this is thought to hinder its ability to contact the psychic mind. Perhaps it would if you believed it would.

However, moonlight is used to purify crystal or gemstone spheres. The Full Moon is an ideal time to cleanse and 'charge' a crystal or gemstone with your magical intent – in this case, successful scrying. Take the wrapped stone out into the moonlight. Unwrap it, and, with both hands, hold it up to the moon. Feel its cool light raining down on you. See it (through visualization) flooding the stone, attuning it with your energy. Then visualize yourself successfully scrying with the stone. Don't forget to pray to God, consecrating the stone to God's service. After a few moments, wrap it up again. It is done.

As for the scrying itself, here are a few pointers:

Scrying is best done at night. Symbolism is certainly at work here: night rules the psychic mind. Also, there is probably less chance of interruption.

Find a quiet spot. Sit comfortably. Place the crystal on a stand on a table or hold it in your hands.

Candlelight can be conducive to scrying. Through some say that reflections of the flames in the crystal are disturbing, for others this is exactly what helps them achieve the proper state.

Experiment to see what works best for you. You might place white or yellow candles behind your back at first, then move them to either side of you, and finally ring the crystal itself itself with the candles.

Once you, the crystal and the candles are all situated, relax. Breathe deeply for a few moments with your eyes closed. Forget the worries of the day, the stresses, the problems. Relax your body. Relax your mind.

Then open your eyes and hold the crystal in your hands until it is warm. Some magicians say that stones won't work in magic unless this is done. As your hands warm the stone, your body is releasing personal power into the stone. Visualize your area of inquiry during this process.

Now replace the stone on the stand or continue holding it, whichever you feel comfortable with.

Continue to relax; gaze into the crystal. Don't stare unblinkingly into its depths, simply gaze. Blink your eyes if you wish. You must be calm and relaxed during scrying.

The crystal is a symbol of psychism, of water (the psychic element), of your need to divine the future. Hold these things in mind as you gaze into the sphere.

Now take time to pray. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide and direct your efforts and to communicate the Divine will to you regarding your query. Then open your eyes and begin to gaze into the crystal.

If the operation is successful, you will contact your psychic mind and communication will take place.

Will you see pictures? Probably not – the crystal isn't a movie screen. You may see wisps of smoke swirling within the sphere – this is common. But few see images within it.

If anywhere, you'll see them in your mind. Images seen during scrying are often symbolic; they aren't psychic news footage of future events. Interpret the symbolism as best you can.

If you see no pictures, unbidden thoughts may come into your mind instead. Words, phrases or complete sentences may 'pop up' out of your psychic mind.

Whatever you see or think – either images within the sphere or in your mind, or words or phrases – try to relate them to your question or your area of inquiry.

Words are simple enough. Think about them. Do they mean anything to you? Are they ambiguous or direct?

Symbols are more difficult. For example, if you were asking if it would be a positive action to move into a new home, and you saw images of bats flying above slithering snakes, then interpret these symbols.

To some, snakes are related to wisdom and bats to luck. For such a person, the move would seem to be favorable. However, if you fear snakes and find bats disgusting, your symbols are suggesting the opposite.

See how it works? Symbols are the language of the subconscious mind, and, while we may all speak the same language, we use different dialects. Thus, the psychic mind uses a personal language which may mean nothing to others.

If you can't find or afford a crystal or gemstone sphere, or don't wish to use one, there are several other methods of stone scrying. Any naturally reflective stone, most crystals, and those which see to possess inner movement can be used as 'mirrors of the psychic mind.' These last stones include cat's-eye, moonstone, sunstone, tiger's-eye, star ruby, opal and many others.

Take the stone out into sunlight or moonlight, or hold it near a candle. Still your conscious mind. Move the stone slowly in your hands while visualizing your area of inquiry.

Do this for several minutes. Don't WILL anything to happen; simply wait until the strange movements in the stone and the hypnotic movements of your hands break your conscious mind's hold on psychic input.

Again, interpret any symbols or words that come to you.

FIFTY-STONE DIVINATION

This is an entirely different form of stone divination. Though I'd love to have fifty emeralds to use for this ritual, the type of stone used isn't important. If financially practical, select psychism-inducing stones such as amethyst, aquamarine, citrine, quartz crystal, moonstone, in any combination. Or use whatever you have. Since God provides the answers to your inquiry, there are no symbols to interpret. Yes, this divination is limited but it just may provide the answers you need.

Fill a bag or a box with 50 stones of approximately the same size. Think of your question and reach into the bag and grab a handful of stones. Place these on a flat surface before you and count the number of stones you have randomly chosen. Odd numbers indicate favorable conditions, a positive answer, success. Even numbers presage the reverse.

BLACK AND WHITE STONE DIVINATION

This is the most simple form of divination. According to the Bible, the Urim and Thummim were two large stones of great brilliancy that were worn by the High Priest of ancient Israel in the Old Testament on the Ephod, one to the left and one to the right of the breastplate. According to extra-Biblical and inspired sources, when questions were brought for decision before the Lord in prayer, a halo of light encircling the precious stone at the right was a token of Divine consent or approval, while a cloud shadowing the stone at the left was an evidence of denial or disapprobation. They are most often pictured as black and white but no reliably known source actually tells us the color. The stones were lost in the Babylonian invasion during the time of Daniel. It would be wonderful if we could still, today, ask God a question and have a sign light up that said yes or no. But we don't. The closer we get to God during study, prayer and meditation, the more clear Their answers will become to us, by whatever form of communication God chooses to use. But we can do what is essentially "drawing lots" when asking God for a special yes or no question. It is chancy, and therefore in my mind risky, but many people do this.

Take a black stone and a white stone of the same size and shape, such as a marble, and put it in a black bag. Prayerfully ask your question and then pull one stone from the bag. Make sure that you have decided which stone means yes and which stone means no before doing this. Most people use white as a positive answer and black as a negative answer. The stone you pull will serve as an answer to your question.

RAINBOW STONE DIVINATION

This divination uses the colors of stones to provide clues regarding the future. You'll need seven stones, one of each color, all approximately the same size and shape. Place these in a soft cloth bag, and, when you need guidance, select a stone at random from the bag. It may answer your questions. If not, take another stone and 'read' or interpret them together.

Here is a list of suggested divinatory meanings by color. If this doesn't speak to you, make your own list.

• RED: Symbolizes anger or other destructive or negative emotions, birth, change, sex, passion, endings, energy, and confrontations.

• PINK: Symbolizes love, friendship, relationships, family, interchange, the heart.

• ORANGE: Symbolizes illumination, personal power, energy, movement, travel, exchange.

• YELLOW: Symbolizes communication, happiness, joy and other positive emotions, light work, protection.

• GREEN: Symbolizes growth, money, grounding, health and healing, fertility, business, transactions.

• BLUE: Symbolizes peace, sleep, purification, emotions, subconscious, psychic mind.

• PURPLE: Symbolizes spirituality, mysticism, expansion or growth in the previous, royalty.

How do you interpret these stones? I'll give an example:

Say I'm wondering what's causing me to be so depressed lately. I've been down for weeks and can't figure out why. So I still my mind, and then get my bag of stones and reach inside. I pull out a green stone. The first thing that flashes into my mind is money. Wanting more input, I pull out a red stone. 'Energy' is my next thought. Money and energy. But I asked about depression.

Could I have been depressed all this time because I wasn't making enough money? No, not that. Could it be that I haven't been putting enough energy (work) into making the money I earn? That could be it. I analyze it, and it seems right.

I've found a possible reason for my depression. Now what do I do?

Use choice, prayer, intention and magic to change my condition. Transform a negative into a positive. Working more will help, but using magic will help even more. I might wish to carry or wear green and red stones to push me further toward what I should be doing.

See?

It isn't always this simple, but try it out. Work with this or any system to receive its greatest gifts!

This lesson was adapted from Scott Cunningham's book Crystal, Gem & Metal Magic.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Hello! I was wondering if you know an edition of the Bible that is annotated/ contains discussions of the context of the different books and chapters or a supplement that does the same? Something that would have explanations for the different symbols, the references the different NT books make to OT books and such. We studied the Bible this way in literature class and I miss it as I've honestly learnt more about the Bible in literature class than in religious studies. Thank you!

Hiya, sorry for the delay in responding! It’s super hard to read the Bible without good commentary explaining the context, so good on you for seeking that out. 

The study Bible I recommend most strongly for the “average person” (aka, you’re not a religious studies major or seminarian) is the Common English Study Bible. 

All my other study Bibles are made more for seminarians and thus the language is a little more “jargony” and made for a higher reading level, while this study Bible does its best to be accessible to people of all education levels. 

The CEB translation was created by a collaboration of several denominations, so that’s also cool!

Some stuff it contains along with book introductions, outlines, and footnotes:

Over 200 illustrations, maps, and charts

Lots of cross references (e.g. it’ll tell you if another part of the Bible sounds real similar to the part you’re reading)

Some pages have lil green squares that define words, explore theological themes, examine problematic passages, etc. For example, there’s a section on “Family conflict in Genesis” and another on “God’s Kingdom.”

Near the end there are some easy-to-read essays on “The Authority of Scripture,” “The Bible’s Unity,” “How We Got the Bible,” and “Guidelines for Reading the Bible” -- these essays are such a great place for the average Bible reader to start considering questions of “inerrancy” and “inspiration,” cultural context and canon. 

Finally, select concordance at the back that lets you search for a topic, name, or theme

The study Bible I personally use most often is the New Interpreter’s Study Bible, just because it’s the one my seminary classes required. 

It’s got similar content to the CEB study Bible but written in less accessible language -- if you’re interested, I think you’d still get a lot of use out of it, but might have to google stuff if a footnote throws words like “soteriology” and “theodicy” and “eschatology” at you and you don’t know wtf they’re talking about. 

The same goes for the Catholic Study Bible, second edition -- 

of these three options, it has the most commentary and tons of essays on who wrote the biblical books and when and why and all that stuff, but the language is super duper scholarly. 

So if that’s not your style, don’t get this one; if it is your style and you wanna just have a whole avalanche of commentary, then do get this one!

_______________

So yeah, if nothing else, get yourself a study Bible like one of the three I describe above. They can be pricy, which is why I linked to them on amazon -- I know amazon is Evil and Bad but dang are Bibles expensive, and so getting a used copy is many people’s only option. 

But if you do have enough money or access to a library with good Bible books, you can also consider the following resources...

If there is a specific book of the Bible you really wanna dig into, commentaries are great! 

A standard commentary will provide cultural context for the biblical book and tell you what scholars know about who wrote it and when and why; it’ll explain symbols and delve into theology and how the book is applied today...The issue is, commentaries are usually expensive.  

If you live in a large-ish city, it’s very possible that there’s a seminary somewhere near you where you can explore commentaries to your heart’s content! You can probably enlist a librarian’s help in finding just what you’re looking for, too. 

Two series of commentaries that I recommend are Interpretation: A Bible Commentary for Teaching and Preaching (mostly accessible language but still uses some jargon you might have to look up) and the Anchor Bible series (an older series so more scholarly and occasionally sorta outdated but still pretty good). 

__________

Now let’s talk about some free resources you might find useful, because golly do I wish biblical materials were all free so everyone could access them...

Working Preacher is a site that a lot of progressive-leaning pastors reference when crafting weekly sermons. It’s not gonna give you a super detailed account of the cultural context of a Bible chapter or too much about who wrote it, but if you want to reflect on applications for today, this is a great place to start! There’s a scripture index so you can look up whatever book and chapter you’re interested in and see if anyone’s written a little article about it. 

So I don’t personally agree with all the theology shared in the Lumina Bible, but it’s a great resource for the average Bible reader who doesn’t know Hebrew or Greek to get some help figuring out what the original language said. There’s often a lot of good cultural context stuff too! So yeah, that’s my recommendation for an online Bible with quality footnotes.

The Bible Project is such a cool resource, with timelines and posters and videos for each book of the Bible that offer a really easy to understand, well-organized overview of that book. I don’t personally agree with all their theology either, but if I want to jog my memory about what a certain book of the Bible is about and the context surrounding it -- when it was written and why, what the main themes are, etc. -- I hop on over to YouTube and watch the Bible Project’s short video on that book. So helpful, and entertaining too. 

__________

I hope this helps; let me know if you have questions!

Does anyone else have a study Bible or other good resources they’d recommend for anon?

[owicpub]

Art of Shallow Neighboring

The Art of Neighboring went through the large churches in my town, and I immediately saw the book and the plan as a problem. Rather than get mad, I wrote a parody instead. You can grab The Art of Shallow Neighboring most places you find books online.

[More Links and Details About this Book]

While most of the book is a parody of the original, I wanted to include part of the Apology section responding to what was wrong with The Art of Neighboring.

Twisted Scripture

All the points above are merely side notes to me. The true test to any book, sermon, or teaching is how well the author wields the Sword of the Spirit. A callous handling of the Bible or twisting passages to fit a narrative are warning signs. Scripture should be handled honestly and interpreted with integrity. The Bible does not mean whatever we want it to mean as some teachers have suggested. To that end, The Art of Neighboring generally wields Bible with same grace a five year old handles a firearm. Several passages are misquoted or quoted out of context. While each chapter seems to have an obligatory single verse or section of the Bible, often times the authors chose scriptures that did not make sense. In many places their point could be perfectly validated using different passages in context. In other places, they are clearly stretching or making arguments from the Bible that not only are absent from the text, but lacking any Biblical support. Taken together, I believe this book is a dangerous read and the misquotations of the Bible do not justify the end-game of being a better neighbor. This section will only focus on correcting scriptures the authors have mis-quoted. First I will address the author’s attempts at redefining the Great Commandment, then we will look at the other misquotations in order of appearance in the book.

What is the Great Commandment?

The authors of this book do an evil deed while attempting to redefine what they call throughout their book The Great Commandment. Some scriptural shenanigans are employed to make the point stick, then they repeat their desired end over and over like a bad commercial attempting to break down our senses. This is critical, so we will take the time to delineate the matter, for which we need to look at all three passages in the synoptic Gospels:

Matthew 22:37-39 - Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

Mark 12:29-31 - “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Luke 10:27 - He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

What we see here in the first two passages (Matthew and Mark), Jesus is speaking, answering a teacher of the law. In these, he differentiates the Greatest Commandment (which is quoted from Deuteronomy 6:5). The third passage in Luke, it is the teacher of the law saying that these two are together. Why the difference? It has to do with the focus of the passage. In Matthew and Mark, the authors were answering the question from the mouth of Jesus and then moving onto other topics. But in Luke, the emphasis was to turn the statement back around on the teacher of the law. In this instance, Jesus asks him what the law says, and so we get the teacher’s answer in verse 27. Jesus then challenges the teacher of the law in verse 28 saying to “go and live likewise”. But in verse 29, the teacher asks the one question this first chapter of The Art of Neighboring should be asking, but does not: Who is my neighbor?

I will note the authors never quote directly from Matthew or Mark, but only from Luke. The challenge is, however, the book does absolutely nothing to direct the reader to the first and greatest commandment according to Jesus: to love the Lord your God. In every context from the first mention of The Great Commandment to the last, the heart and God-centered focus of the verse is totally ignored, and the authors focus exclusively on loving our literal neighbor, usurping the love for the neighbor over the love for God, thus effectively placing the relationship with the neighbor as an idol over God!

The Great Commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength. While loving your neighbor is certainly important, it has become the primary focus in this book and the authors fail to quote from the passages to clarify that point and only focus on the passage in Luke to make it sound as if Jesus brings these two together when in reality, He does not. The Luke passage is differentiated so Jesus could expand on the very question the authors fail to properly address from the start.

Who Is My Neighbor?

In the second chapter, the authors finally tackle the question, “who is my neighbor”. This is funny because for all the differences among churches, including Catholic and Protestant brands, this is one of the only parables that has never been disputed. But these authors completely ignore what has been known about this verse through the centuries and instead come to a conclusion not found in scripture, that they actually have to use outside logic to justify!

The book does correctly assert the teacher of the law is certainly looking for a loophole to justify not loving his neighbor as himself, but Jesus tells the parable of the Good Samaritan to close every conceivable loophole to not love others.

Luke 10:30-37 - In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.” Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

The message of the parable is simply this: Loving your neighbor as yourself means to love people you encounter wherever they happen to be when you encounter them. This is not just the guy in the house next door, but anyone in need whom you encounter as you live your life, wherever you happen to be.

This teaching has been clearly understood in every different undertaking I have read to understand the parables. The authors conclude the section without much comment on the parable itself and then launch into a new section specifically titled, ‘Who is my neighbor?’ Once the section starts they talk about neighboring beginning with flexibility and compassion, certainly both traits of the Samaritan in the parable. But we get this snippet which starts to break down Jesus’s own definition of a neighbor:

“As we read this parable two thousand years later, it’s tempting to turn the story of the good Samaritan into a metaphor...If we say, ‘Everyone is my neighbor,’ it can become as excuse for avoiding the implications of following the Great Commandment. Our ‘neighbors’ become defined in the broadest of terms. They’re the people across town, the people who are helped by the organizations that receive donations, the people whom the government helps. We don’t have to feel guilty, we tell ourselves. After all, we can’t be expected to really love everybody, can we?[1]”

The authors here have set up a straw man argument. Jesus never said our neighbor is everyone, or the people across town, or the people in the world helped by world missions. Jesus defined a neighbor specifically as the person whom we encounter when we live our life cognizant of our surroundings. To contrast this, however, the authors want to ignore the part about ‘where we are’ and convert that to ‘where we live’. The teacher of the law wanted a loophole which Jesus closed, but the authors of The Art of Neighboring give us a gaping loophole: those people whom do not live on our block are excluded from being neighbors.

The text continues:

“Today as we read this parable, we go straight for loving the neighbor on the side of the road. Thus we make a metaphor of the neighbors–a metaphor that doesn’t include the person who lives next door to us. If we don’t take Jesus’s command literally, then we turn the Great Commandment into nothing more than a metaphor. We have a metaphoric love for our metaphoric neighbors, and our communities are changed–but only metaphorically...so in addition to thinking of our neighbor metaphorically, as did the good Samaritan, we need to apply Jesus’s teaching to our literal neighbors.[2]”

This be be fine and inclusive of the literal neighbor until we find this quote later in the chapter:

“Jesus says your enemy should be your neighbor. He says you should go out of your way to be the neighbor of someone who comes from a place or history of open hostility toward you or your way of life...we would define this kind of love as advanced or graduate-level love. The reality is that most of us aren’t at the graduate level; we need to start with the basics. [italics theirs] We need to go back to kindergarten and think about our literal next door neighbors before we attempt to love everyone else on the face of the planet.[3]”

So that is how the authors took the least debated parable of all time and completely changed the definition from meeting the needs of the people presently surrounding us to loving only those people in the neighborhood. And to be sure, I have left out a lot of meat of the book, they go into way more detail than I covered here in creating the loophole the teacher of the law so desperately wanted.

What Happened in Numbers 13?

The fourth chapter is about overcoming fear of getting to know the neighbors, but the scripture they choose to use for this section is completely twisted around. We need to start in Numbers 13. Moses sends twelve spies into the land of Canaan to determine how to best take the land, but the spies come back with this report in Numbers 13:27-29:

They gave Moses this account: “We went into the land to which you sent us, and it does flow with milk and honey! Here is its fruit. But the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large. We even saw descendants of Anak there. The Amalekites live in the Negev; the Hittites, Jebusites and Amorites live in the hill country; and the Canaanites live near the sea and along the Jordan.”

The spies convince the Israelites not to enter the land so they end up wandering around the desert for forty years. The authors pick up with this statement:

“A telling statement came from Rehab, a woman who lived in the land. She explained how, years earlier, things were the opposite of what the Israelites thought were true. Joshua and Caleb had been right all along. When the spies had entered the land forty years earlier, everyone in the land was afraid of them.[4]”

Right after this statement the authors quote Joshua 2:9-11:

“I know that the Lord has given you this land and that a great fear of you has fallen on us, so that all who live in this country are melting in fear because of you. We have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red Sea for you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to Sihon and Og, the two kings of the Amorites east of the Jordan, whom you completely destroyed. When we heard of it, our hearts melted in fear and everyone’s courage failed because of you, for the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below.

The authors continue immediately after this quote:

“The Israelites’ perception had been wrong all along. They had always feared their neighbors, perceiving them as giants. But in truth their neighbors feared the Israelites because of their God.[5]”

The Art of Neighboring is trying to use this part of Scripture in conjunction with the previous paraphrase to say that, according to Rehab, the people of Canaan were always afraid of the Israelites. This might pass the gaze of a Biblically uninformed audience, but I see multiple problems:

There is no evidence Rehab was talking about fear of the Israelites prior to meeting the two spies Joshua sent, in fact, it is more likely she is talking about the present situation, not the past, because it was known the Israelite army was camped directly across the Jordon.

There is no evidence the spies were seen or the people knew they were there or why (i.e. the objective of a spy is to be secret about his mission).

The defeat of Sihon and Og happened AFTER the twelve spies returned. Rehab would not have been afraid of the Israelites for the defeat of Sihon and Og while the twelve spies looked at the land (Og and Sihon were in Numbers 21 and much later in Chronological history).

The spies sent by Moses came from Northern Paran (Numbers 13:26) but the ones from Joshua came from Shittim (Joshua 2:1), over 100 miles away in a completely different direction.

The authors want to convey that the people all gathered outside Jericho twice while the story was used to show how fear prevented the people from interacting with their neighbors...in this case, to kill them, not to have a fish fry. Nevertheless, the point of this discussion is “when we are following God into our neighborhoods, we have nothing to fear. And often it’s our neighbors that need to be rescued from their fear.[6]”

The callous treatment of the scriptures in twisting this situation leads me to believe that either these pastors are totally ignorant of the Bible, or they are ignoring it to make their point. I do not know which is worse at this juncture.

Give to Get

Some online reviewers of The Art of Neighboring hated the message in chapter six which seemed to get pretty close to a health and wealth gospel at times. I can say I do not see that specific teaching in this book, but I can understand how some may arrive at that conclusion. The authors say, “God uses the small things that we bring him and multiplies them into a miracle in someone else’s life.[7]”

The only passage of scripture in this chapter is John 6:1-13 when a small boy gives his fish and loaves to Jesus who then performs a miracle. The most important section is verses 8-13:

Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?” Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they sat down (about five thousand men were there). Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.

This section of scripture is one of the most famous miracles Jesus performed, but the authors turn this into a lesson on what can happen in our lives if we give:

“When you give what you have, Jesus will give you more to give. Even if what you have isn’t enough to solve the whole problem, just do what you can in the moment-give it anyway. Trust that God will fill you up with enough to supply the need that’s right in front of you, and assume he will do it again for the next need as well. If you don’t give, you don’t get a chance to see God do a miracle.[8]”

This sets a dangerous precedent all too often observed in the health and wealth community, so it merits discussion. First, we do need to give, and we need to give sacrificially, but if we give beyond our ability we can move into the field of putting God to the test, and that is also something we are commanded not to do. Secondly, if we are putting God to the test by giving away all our resources we also fail at another task: being a good steward. We should first see that our our needs are met; only after we should start to give sacrificially. That means we are not giving beyond our ability to place us in debt or miss payments, but we are giving enough to crimp our extra lifestyle. Such balance is completely missing from this section of the book.

Being Kind to Mary’s Psyche

In the chapter on receiving, the authors dropped several balls to reference scriptures that are actually about receiving, but they focus on a section of scripture they mention and summarize, but curiously they do not even give us the verses. The section is Luke 7:36-50:

When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.” Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said. Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?” Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

You can see this powerful exchange is about forgiveness and how this woman was radically praising Jesus for the vast forgiveness extended to her, for Simon was right, this woman was a wretched and vile sinner before her own encounter with Jesus Christ. Rather than understanding the purpose of this exchange, The Art of Neighboring says this:

“She poured the perfume on Jesus in the middle of the party, perhaps making her and Jesus feeling very vulnerable and even in danger, since there were important religious men in attendance. If Jesus had rejected her offering, it would have crushed her. But he didn’t. He actually went so far as to defend her...I doubt that Jesus was in great need of a foot washing and a special perfume treatment...he received it willingly because he knew that his willingness to receive this gift meant everything to her. It meant she could have dignity in her worship and that her gift counted...Jesus chose to make himself vulnerable. The one who came to give everything for us was also willing to receive from us.[9]”

This is truly twisting another very clear parable and passage into something that fits the narrative of the chapter. This is not a feel-good moment for this woman, and Jesus was not exactly taking the gift like we take the pie from the gross neighbor to toss away once our door is closed. To add further discussion, Jesus was not making himself vulnerable. To the contrary, he used this moment to correct the self-righteous indignation of the of the pharisees dining with Him.

Person of Peace

Another great fabrication to fit the narrative comes in chapter 10 on focusing. While the authors start out well quoting some scripture in proper context, we get to this point:

“Jesus instructed them to find a certain type of person in every city they entered-a person of peace (Luke 10:5-6)...The term person of peace [italics theirs] refers to someone hospitable to becoming a friend...This allowed the disciples an opportunity to form deep friendships with those who were gifted at relationships themselves. Not only did they connect with the host of each house, but undoubtedly they were also introduced to the host’s entire network of friends. If a person of peace was someone skilled at being hospitable, then logically they were people who would have very large networks. By directing his disciples to look for the person of peace, Jesus directed them toward those in each city who were the best neighbors.[10]”

That is a total misinterpretation of person of peace. This person is one whom God had sovereignly ordained to receive the message of the Gospel. This is why in the armor of God section in Ephesians, the gospel is specially called the Gospel of Peace (Ephesians 6:15). The person Jesus sends out the disciples to find are people who are prepared and ready to receive the gospel. Of course, The Art of Neighboring is not fundamentally about Jesus or even Christian living. It’s primary focus is on becoming a friend to the neighborhood, so this passage had to be castrated of it’s true meaning, which is about discipleship; a lost art in the Western church. We want to get people to emotionally respond to a fire and brimstone message so they say a little prayer and then we celebrate the numbers of people who raised their hands, but then we never teach them about the Bible or their new faith. In short, they have never counted the cost of being a Christian, which Jesus commands us to do in Luke 14:25-35.

Conclusion

As the authors observed above, we are a church of immature believers, but we ought to be teachers to borrow from Hebrews. The Western Culture is actually free to own and read our Bibles. This is something most of the ‘Christian’ world had not experienced until only a few centuries ago, and even today many societies outright ban the ownership or study of the Bible. We in the Western cultures have access to Bibles but choose to not read them. We have access to tools, but we do not apply them, and the saddest fact of all is this book was not brought to my attention by the crazy ‘over-religious’ nut job, nor did I hear about it on CBN, nor spot it in a bookstore, but it was taught from, promoted, and recommended by what are considered the top churches in my town. The churches gathered together to use this book, which so horribly twisted the Bible they all profess in their doctrinal statements to hold so dear. This blew a serious hit to the confidence I placed in the churches in my local town and I pray this present parody and apologetic might rattle them out of their stupor.

While I can assert being a good neighbor to everyone we encounter (whether they are literal neighbors or strangers on the street) is a great endeavor, I care not about how great and wonderful the house is. When I go to buy a house, I examine the foundation first. If the foundation is shifty, the whole structure is in peril. Rather to explain that point further, I will let Jesus give us the final words of this book:

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall.”

-Matthew 7:24-27

[1]The Art of Neighboring, 34

[2]Ibid, 35

[3]Ibid, 39

[4]Ibid, 65

[5]Ibid, 66

[6]Ibid, 66

[7]Ibid, 87

[8]Ibid, 89

[9]Ibid, 127

[10]Ibid, 147

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[mschelseastone]

For as long as I can remember, I’ve known my grandpa was a child molester. Now he’s dead, and I have no idea how to mourn.

I knew my grandpa was a child molester before I knew what that really meant. When I was told he had raped children, I thought it meant he hit someone over the head with a rake. However, it didn’t matter that I fully understood from the start, because I knew that 1) my parents would never, ever leave me alone with him and 2) I needed to be careful around him.

He knew that I knew, and he understood why I knew. Unlike many abusers, he owned up to what he had done. I know for a fact that he apologized to his main victim and told her it wasn’t her fault. Until the end, he knew there was a dark part of him that had done horrible things, and it was important to him to be a good person now in an attempt to make up for it.

For me, there is a benefit to seeing the good in him, even though he was a child molester. That said, I know some people refuse to see humanity in people who do such things, because, in their mind, they don’t deserve the humanity after what they did. I completely understand that, and I have zero urge to change the mind of those people. Still, for me, I need to see both sides.

He has taken responsibility for his actions to at least one of his victims. He has taken an active role in numerous churches throughout the years (he was a preacher for some time), and many people have said he helped them in that way. He and his wife took in and raised numerous grandchildren when their parents could not. And, he was one of the first people to accept someone in my family that is transgender and call that person by the proper pronouns.

There are many wonderful things he did in his life, and I’m so glad he was able to do these things. After he died, I wrote on my Instagram:

“Thank you for trying so hard to be good, even when so much of you had been bad. Thank you for the good things you did do.”

Still, I refuse to let his bad side be a footnote. I don’t think the bad side of people always needs to be remembered after death – we all have flaws – but this is different. This is child molestation.

With one of his victim’s permission, I will reveal that I know her well. She’s my mom. His daughter.

I hate, more than anything, that this happened to her. Her life was permanently affected and harmed by his actions, and it kills me. I don’t want to erase the good things he did, and I’m not trying to ruin his legacy. Still, we cannot ignore what he did. He molested children. His own daughter. He did not forget, and neither can we.

But what do I do with this knowledge? What do I do with the memory of him in my mind? What do I do now that he’s gone?

I always want to assign meaning to things. This happened, but I learned this from it, so it had a purpose. What is there to learn from this? Maybe there’s nothing, and maybe that’s okay. Still, I need to cope with it. How do I cope? How do I reconcile these competing feelings? This feeling of missing a loving old man, and this feeling of hating the younger version of that man.

(Full disclosure: I’m in therapy, and my therapist is helping me with these feelings, of course. That said, I’m a writer, and writing it out is also necessary for me. So here I am.)

My grandpa’s funeral was by far the most disturbing funeral I’ve ever attended, and it, surprisingly, has little to do with the fact that he molested children. Both of my father’s parents passed away when I was a teenager, so this was the third grandparent’s funeral I’ve attended. I flew in from California to attend and be with my family. The funeral was important to me. I wanted to hear stories about him, and I wanted to hear about the positive impact he had on others. I wanted that small feeling of closure that I’ve previously gotten from funerals.

I didn’t get that, because this funeral was a recruitment for the church my grandpa had attended in the last ten years of his life. It’s hard to talk about this, because, honestly, it was incredibly disturbing to me. I was shaking during the funeral. I’ve had stress dreams about it. I’m full of anger when I remember the funeral. I feel like closure was stolen from me.

My grandpa was incredibly religious, so I absolutely expected religion to be a large part of his funeral. In fact, I wanted that for him. I find that religion can be incredibly peaceful to discuss. Personally, I am not religious, but I absolutely see, respect, and appreciate the benefit of religion for those who are religious. Additionally, I believe that the majority of churches would not have done something like this. This is not something where I am now upset with religion in general; I am upset with the preacher of this one specific church. The members of that congregation were incredibly kind to us, so I hold nothing against them either. Just him.

On an unrelated note, I have huge problems with cults, churches with dangerous practices, and closed-mindedness, but that’s not the current topic of discussion.

The funeral had a few good moments, but all of them came from other people telling stories about my grandpa. One of my cousins went up and spoke, and I’m so happy that he did that. You could see his love for our grandpa. You could see how my grandpa positively affected him. I love that, and I think many of us needed that.

The rest of the funeral consisted of the preacher trying to get us to go to his church. He told us that many of us would never see my grandpa again, because my grandpa will be in Heaven, and we don’t have a good enough relationship with Jesus to go to Heaven. He raised his voice at us and yelled at us for not doing enough to go to Heaven. He told us that my grandpa had given him the names of immediate family members that he worried would go to Hell, and, if we think our name was one of them, we need to talk to him [the preacher] immediately. He even made us all close our eyes and raise our hands if what he had said made us want to attend his church. The entire thing felt like being lectured for not being a member of his congregation. At the very least, we were being yelled at and demeaned for not being good enough. It was disturbing and upsetting.

If he wants to preach that way at his church, I’m cool with it. No one is forced to go to his church, as far as I can tell. That said, this was a funeral, and his method hurt me a lot.

Now, I’m not going to pretend to be perfect. We had food at the preacher’s church after the funeral, and I called a lady a cunt in that House of God. Is that out of character for me? Yes. I like the word cunt, but I don’t normally say it to people’s faces. But hey, shit happens. I called a lady a cunt in that church, and I think she deserved it. I’d do it again.

(It’s a long story, but the “cunt” was a distant family member who told my aunt – my grandpa’s legally adopted daughter – that she had no right being at the funeral. My aunt, who my grandpa loved and was happy to see and spend time with every time she came to visit. My aunt, who was crying throughout the funeral, heartbroken. This “cunt” tried to start drama at my grandpa’s funeral by hurting my aunt. She was a cunt, and I wasn’t having it. I’ve worked through therapy to become very good at communication. I’ve worked to not be “reactive” and immediately act on any anger I may feel. But hey, you act like a cunt to my family when we’re going through some shit, and I may call you a cunt in a church. Sorry, but I’m truly not sorry.)

I’m not religious, but if there’s a God, I believe he’s full of love. If there’s a God, I have no doubt in my mind that he would love me and would consider me a good person. I have plenty of flaws, but I try incredibly hard to help and love and understand others. I want to make the world a better place. It’s my goal in life. I don’t believe in God or Heaven, but if those things exist…you know, I’m not worried about it. Because God wouldn’t care that I didn’t believe. He would care about my heart, and he would know my heart without me having to praise Jesus every Sunday. (Again, if you praise Jesus every Sunday and that works for you – yay!! I would never judge that. Live with love and respect, and we’re good. Religion is not for me, and I find that most religious people respect that, and I hope anyone reading this will respect that too.)

The preacher who led the funeral said my grandpa had told him what he [my grandpa] had done in the past, but that it didn’t matter. The preacher said that all sins are the same. If you’ve sinned, but you love Jesus (particularly the way he believes you should love Jesus), you’re going to Heaven. If you’re good, but don’t love Jesus or worship God – see you in hell! I’m paraphrasing, but that was the message of the funeral.

I don’t think my grandpa actually believed that. I don’t think he would have liked the message delivered during his funeral, even if he sat in church every Sunday and heard something similar himself. I interviewed my grandpa after his diagnosis, and one of my favorite quotes that came from that interview was this:

“You know, the doctrinal church I don’t like. I like the bible church. The bible church is where I read it and interpret it, and the lord shows me what’s real. I think a lot of times, with church today, they got too many laws. They’re still living old testament laws and not living new testament love.”

This brings me back to the fact that my grandpa was a child molester. He didn’t forget that, and we can’t forget it either. Another quote from the interview was this:

“My story is hard to fathom what – you know – I just can’t see any good. Whenever I – I’ll give you something here, I haven’t shared with anyone. I’ll share it now, because you asked. In December of this year, whenever – before I found out about what’s going on with the cancer and everything – I had a thought in my head – what value am I? Who would miss me if I was gone? That was in December. And then, this came up December 31st. I’ve seen that now. That I’d be missed.”

I do miss him. I wish he could have lived longer. I wish he wouldn’t have gotten cancer. I wish he could be at my wedding in two years. I wish he could have come to California to see the ocean again before he died. Still, seeing only good things about him in his death disturbs me. I can’t say it enough: I cannot and will not forget what he did.

Shortly after my grandpa’s diagnosis of stage four cancer, another bombshell dropped, but I can’t reveal that at this time. Let’s just say, it somehow complicates things EVEN MORE.

I don’t know what to do with this situation. I don’t know how to mourn him and his life in the way that works best for me. Child molestation is incredibly prominent. I’m not knowledgeable on the statistics, but I know that I’ve met a LOT of people affected by it. I don’t know what to do about it, but I know it has affected me and people I love (though, fortunately, it didn’t happen to me), and I know I need to talk about this. I just don’t know what to say.

He was a complicated man. I feel like that is accurate, but also a complete understatement. I don’t want to diminish what he did. He’s a rapist. He’s a child rapist. He’s not just complicated, it’s much deeper than that. I don’t want to erase that. I don’t want the message of this to be like “well, we’re all complicated, and I mean, sure, he raped kids, but he said sorry!” It isn’t okay.

So, is it okay to somehow still see him as a human? Not for some people, and I get that. It’s difficult for me to do so, because seeing child molesters and murderers as human feels dangerous. But it also feels dangerous to ignore it – because then, you look at someone who does legitimately wonderful things, and it feels impossible that they could have done bad things. They donate money to charities. They helped you through the hardest part of your life. But then, you learn that they’ve done something unforgiveable. How do we appreciate the good while still recognizing that people can do (and sometimes have done) unforgiveable things? How do we recognize the humanity without diminishing the crime?

I don’t know the right balance. I don’t know the answer to this problem.

So, what have I learned? Has this taught me something that I can use in my life going forward? I can’t answer the questions in the above paragraphs, but I know they’re worth discussing. I believe we need to talk about this and recognize the complexity of it. We need to look into this so that hopefully we can do something about something. We need to talk about these things.

Still, I always want a concrete answer or lesson learned, even though I recognize, logically, that there isn’t always an answer or lesson learned. I want to be able to say “so, let’s talk about it, and then we can ______!” But I don’t have something to put in that blank.

I interviewed my grandpa in his final months, and I loved talking to him. When we talked, I put together a timeline of the events in his life. I’m so happy I have that. He talked about being hospitalized in a mental institution in his youth, before his first marriage. We talked about how mental health treatment has improved greatly in recent years and how important that is. That conversation meant a lot to me. I told him, for the first time, about my mental issues (diagnosed OCD and general anxiety – treated with therapy and medication). He told me how some of his mental behaviors had been focused on obsession as well. I love that we had that conversation. We bonded over that, and I will always cherish that conversation.

He also told me that he was proud of me. He was proud of me for chasing my dreams and never settling. He told me that I did things right, unlike him. I started college at 16 and ended up with a Bachelor’s Degree at 20. Then I moved to Los Angeles, literally days after my graduation, and I’ve been here since, pursuing a writing career. He started college at 16, dropped out, joined the military, and ended up in a mental institution.

I truly believe I was successful where he was not because of how mental health is treated today compared to how it was back then in the late 50s and early 60s. I had advantages that he did not.

That said – he molested children. That’s another level. I don’t know how to fit that into the mental health discussion. I don’t know how to reconcile any of it.

The last words he said to me were “I have a beautiful granddaughter.” I cry when I think about it. I cry when I think about him being proud of me. I cry because I miss him.

These are the things on my mind right now. A part of me wants to keep searching for answers to my questions. I want to read what others have written about these ideas. I want to try to solve it like it’s a math problem. Another part of me wants to leave it on the page and free myself from thinking about it all.

I’m not sure which way I’ll end up going.

I know this though: I’m allowing myself to love who he was in his later years, even though I remain disgusted by the actions of his youth. I haven’t found the best way for me to balance those two things, but I’m working on it. I know he loved me. I know he saw good in me. I know, because he told me.

I also know he wasn’t sitting on his porch giving his preacher the names of family members he thinks are going to Hell so that his preacher could shame them later.

Chelsea

PS. This felt out of place in the post above, but I can’t help but mention that this year has been a lot to handle in general. In addition to the above, my fiancé and I also both lost our consistent jobs this year, and I’m in more debt than ever. Also, a month before my grandpa passed away, my step-grandpa committed suicide. I wasn’t close with him, but he and I shared a love of Harry Potter, and I will miss him.

Fortunately, wonderful things have happened too. I got engaged to the love of my life. I’m tangibly making progress on the project that I hope will finally get me to break into the entertainment industry as a legitimate screenwriter. My fiancé is getting closer to achieving his dreams. I have spent valuable and meaningful time with my friends and family, and I love that.

PPS. I used to do background acting to make money, so a lot of my family members assume I’m an aspiring actress. I also did a semester of theater in college, but that was because of my dance background. Anyway, if you’re reading this – I love you, but I’ve never ever ever been an aspiring actress. However, I am a writer! I’ve been writing since I was 5 years old, and I’d love to tell you about that passion. Yay! I know this isn’t necessary to mention or related really, at all, but it’s a pet peeve of mine – I love writing so much, and it hurts that some people think it’s a second choice or something. Actors are awesome, it just isn’t for me. Hey! Like religion!

PPPS. If you try to tell me that religion can help me through what I’m going through, you didn’t get the point of all of this. I love that religion helps others! I respect that it is for you. That said, I know myself, and it isn’t for me. Please respect that.

[geekmystic]

"Well done, my good and faithful apprentice!  My faith in you is restored."

For those of you who haven't watched The Last Jedi 600,000 times, Snoke says this to Kylo Ren as he brings Rey into the throne room.

Those of us who live in Christianized nations have probably heard the phrase "Well done, my good and faithful servant!" at some point in our lives. Snoke's line is obviously a play on that phrase. People mistakenly believe that this is what Jesus will tell ‘good people’ as they enter Heaven. I mean, he could but that's not the context of this phrase as used in the Bible.

The phrase comes from one of Jesus' parables. The parable of the gold talents.  Here’s the scripture: "His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.'" - Matthew 25:23  As you can see, Snoke’s very next line is also an echo of the parable.  I am 90% certain it’s accidental.  Just as the idea that Ben and Rey are on a Fool’s Journey as told through Tarot cards.  But I’m going to dig and see what I can find.  Yes, it’s reaching but that’s honestly what makes it fun. To paraphrase the parable, the Master of the House is going way.  He brings his three servants forward to watch over his estate.  To one, he gives about $7,000,000. To another, around $2,700,000.  To the last, he only gave around $1,300,000.  (A talent is equal to 33kg.  A talent of gold in today’s money is about $1.3 million.  This is multiplied by 1, 2, and 5.)  This isn't pocket change they're being put in charge of.  This isn’t, “Hey, feed my cat while I’m gone for the week.”  This is a HUGE deal.  The Master comes back after a certain amount of time (possibly years or decades) and asks his servants what they did with the money.  The first two doubled their Master's money.  "Well done!" he says. (See the quoted scripture.  He says the same thing to both servants in separate encounters.)  The third servant, however, buried his share because he was scared of the Master and only retrieved it when he saw his master coming.  The Master then calls him "lazy and wicked", throws him into the outer darkness (which can be interpreted as Hell), and has his money given to the richest one. It always seemed rather harsh to me.  After all, the Master didn't lose any money.  However, there's obviously a deeper implication here.  By burying the gold like a dead animal (and what it symbolizes: purity, strength, worthiness, light), the servant is effectively saying that he has no association with his Master.  And honestly, that would make anyone mad.  Imagine if your friends denied knowing you after you gave them a ton of money.  Even if they paid you back, you'd be pissed.  The bad servant also doesn’t have a real reason to be scared of his Master.  The first two seem to approach him happily and the Master invites them to the party (“Share in my happiness,” he says.).  There’s none of this hand-wringing about him being a harsh Master or that he steals what others have planted.  

In short, this guy is an unreliable narrator.  He also creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.  “My Master is a thief and a harsh man.  I’m going to hide the gold he gave me and be free of him!”  And now that the Master has come back and ripped him a new one as well as taken his gold, he can now go around and say, “See, I told you!  He’s a thief and a harsh man!”  And everybody is just like, “Dude, you didn’t even have to double it.  He just wanted you to do something with it.”  And even the Master basically tells him, “If you were just going to bury it, you should have at least put in the bank to collect interest.”

Obviously, I’m trying to make a point about Star Wars and, in particular, Ben Solo.  Ben Solo is currently that wicked servant in relation to his masters in life.  Now, of course, I am absolutely pro-bendemption all the way so I obviously don’t think he will stay in that place for too much longer.  That said, Ben was born with a complicated relationship to the Light side of the Force.  His parents, both major figures in the Light, couldn’t be what he needed them to be.  Ben had been spiritually attacked from the womb and his parents didn’t quite understand what was going on.  And Ben himself probably didn’t have the language to express what was happening.  As such, from an early age, Ben had a mistrust of the Light.  With his Uncle Luke’s betrayal, Ben finally decided to bury it and all its promises for strength and worth.  Ben buried it under a new name and a mask.  He buries himself in all black with no skin exposed.  He tried to create a new persona with no affiliation with the Light.  Except, it didn’t work.  Even after killing his father, the Light still tried to break through.

The parable ends with the lousy servant’s money given to the rich one.  And we see this happen with Ben as well.  Ben is an agent of destruction.  The Force took everything that was his and gave it to Rey, an agent of rebirth.  Rey who salvages old and broken things and makes them new again.  She’s like the good servants who multiplied what was given to them.  However, she’s in a corrupt system where she shares none of the reward so the Force gives her what once belonged to Ben.  Rey now has his family’s saber, his father’s ship, his parents’ admiration, his father’s copilot, his father’s dice, and his heart.

Now let’s focus on who is saying these words to Ben.  It's mighty hilarious to me that Snoke uses these words, taken from a parable about gold, while wearing a gold robe, portraying a false image of worth, success, and power.  Here’s where the parable gets inverted.  These words are being said as Ben brings forward a "talent of gold" in the form of Rey.  Snoke is 100% a thief and a harsh man.  Ben was “entrusted” with a connection to her through the Force.  (I’m actually on the side that says Snoke did create the bond or, at the very least, stoked the flames of a sparking wire.  “I stoked Ren’s conflicted soul.”)  And Ben was absolutely right to hide this connection out of fear for her safety.  And when he finally presents her to him, he won’t allow her to be taken from him.

[jooheongif]

it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so  yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

[dalyunministry]

Word Ministration

Topic : Head and Heart matters

By. Daly felicitus

🍁

Welcome you all on ministration with me. I am Daly felicitus, Grand daughter of Rev. T. F. Sones, a popular Gospel Activist in India.

My Ministering topic for today:

Heart and Head matters

Let's pray:

Lord, we are determined to gain the honor of being well-pleasing to You by being absolutely under Your control, direction, and governing.

We want to care uniquely for Your aims and goals. Save us from serving You with our natural zeal, according to our natural preference, or for the satisfaction of the desire of the flesh.

Lord Jesus, may whatever we do in the Lord’s service be for the Lord’s sake, for His satisfaction, His heart’s desire, His happiness, His goal, His pleasure, and His glory! Amen. Amen. Amen

If the goal is that we grow up into Christ (Eph.4:15), which it is, then we’re going to need to re-form our hearts as well as our heads.

These are both critical components for training our soul to live from heaven to earth like Jesus did.

For it’s with the heart that one believes (Rom.10:10), and it’s with the head that we come into agreement with what God believes about us.

Let’s look at the heart and head connection more closely.

1. The Heart

The writer of Hebrews says something about Israel’s failure to enter God’s rest that we should take notice of concerning the heart:

19 It is clear that they could not enter into their inheritance because they wrapped their hearts in unbelief. (Heb.3:19 TPT)

Then, a little later he writes…

6 Those who first heard the good news of deliverance failed to enter into that realm of faith’s-rest because of their unbelieving hearts…. (Heb.4:6a TPT)

Notice where the unbelief is residing—in our hearts. As I’ve said before, our heart (seat of our affections, vulnerability, trust) is the gatekeeper to everything we will ever receive from God.

As Proverbs 4:23 tells us, guarding it well determines the course of our life.

A corrupted or hardened heart is why people don’t hear God or experience His heart for them.

How do we protect our hearts? We do so by abiding in God’s love, which we all seem to have a theology for, but it doesn’t seem to have much value because it’s not commonly practiced.

Let’s look at Jesus’ words again:

9 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.

10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love.

11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. (John 15:9-12 NIV)

Our hearts begin to grow as we participate in the divine nature (2 Pet.1:4).

And since God’s love is other-centered and self-giving, we begin to love others the same way He loves us.

Everything God is going to do starts from rest; which means, He takes full responsibility for changing us and showing us how to live.

Jesus’ life is our life, He shows us the way to this life as we remain in His love, and He shows us the truth about God and about us.

Furthermore, Jesus said we can do nothing apart from this continual heart-connection with Him (John 15:5).

Do we actually believe this? No amount of Bible study will ever transform us without this ongoing heart transformation.

All our efforts will be fruitless because our hearts are not conditioned to receive from God.

However, when our hearts are at rest in His love, the Spirit bears much fruit in our lives (Gal.5:22-23).

Beloved, let me be clear here. Without letting our heart abide in His love, we will not become like Christ, because this is how He was Christ! (See John 15:10) The best we can hope for is to be a weak imitation, but God’s intent for us is to be an incarnation.

2. The Head

Of course, our head is equally important. We must re-form and reshape our thoughts to Christ’s thoughts by the washing of the water of His Word (Eph.5:26).

But, again, Holy Spirit is the One doing this:

2 Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God’s will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes. (Rom.12:2 TPT)

We do this by letting the Bible study us, which is where the head and heart work together. By letting the Living Word expose and heal our heart, our thinking can change to the mind of Christ:

12 For we have the living Word of God, which is full of energy, and it pierces more sharply than a two-edged sword. It will even penetrate to the very core of our being where soul and spirit, bone and marrow meet! It interprets and reveals the true thoughts and secret motives of our hearts. (Heb.4:12)

We’re not to be children tossed about by every circumstance or popular doctrine that comes along (Eph.4:14). We’re to take every thought that hinders our experientially knowing God captive to what Christ believes about us (2 Cor.10:5).

¶ Summarising:

Let me summarize how we need this balance between these two aspects of our soul.

I’ll simply designate them as “Bible” for head/study, and “Heart” for abiding in God’s love:

• No Bible/Heart:

We may be religious, but it’s agnostic in nature. Our lives are totally unchanged and unaffected by Christ and we have not experienced life in Christ.

We’re very much part of the world culture alienated from Christ’s kingdom.

Most believing Christians are not in this category.

• Bible/No Heart:

We become Pharisaical, or religious in a legalistic sense.

We make Christianity a transactional/rule-following system rather than a transformational relationship.

We’re totally guided by logic or reason, believing what we see instead of walking by faith.

We turn Lordship into dutiful obedience rather than something born out of a lifetime of experiencing God’s transforming love. We may not even trust God (or anyone else) enough to allow Him in the deepest part of our heart, so we resist the idea of abiding or Spirit transformation.

• No Bible/Heart:

We’re driven by our emotions and seek out experiences We risk being “tossed to and fro” by the latest Christian fad.

We may become almost superstitious about spiritual things. Revival becomes like a drug; we’re looking for another fix. There’s no tether to keep us grounded in Christ.

• Bible/Heart:

This is how we grow up into Christ! It’s how Jesus grew in wisdom and stature before His Father.

We allow Holy Spirit to teach us and empower us as we experientially know God by remaining in His love.

We don’t identify with our old identity as sinners anymore (2 Cor.5:16-21), but only according to our new identity in Christ as the Father’s beloved sons and daughters.

We train both our mind and our heart to walk in rest, according to the Spirit working in us.

When I look at this matrix, I must honestly access my own balance, because doing so is the only way you and I are going to truly grow up into Christ. Amen.

God bless you all. Amen

[shhhselah]

Prayer Requests Update

Monday, January 21, 2019

7:43pm

I really want you all to take in these pictures, okay? 

What comes to mind? Awe? A desire to travel? Peace? Wonder?

I’ll tell you what comes to mine: God.

Only God could paint something so breathtakingly, chest crushingly astounding.

So, as I write, I desperately need you all to remember these pictures and the Artist behind them. (And sorry, I don’t know the photographer! Just the Creator <3)

A couple of days ago, I put up a post on Facebook for prayer requests. I was super excited to be able to come to the King and war on behalf of my family, friends and even strangers for whatever they were seeking. Honestly, as the answers came in, I was amazed. Amazed that nearly every person was asking for the same three things- Discipline, Clarity and Mental Health.

On the surface, those first two seem like a beautiful thing while the last one seems devastating. “How lovely that the people want to be more dutiful in their walk with the Lord! Amazing that they want His clarity and guidance! Ugh, but how tragic that mental health issues and that dag on stress and anxiety are running rampant. The devil really is at work these days smh.” I can hear the church folk now. 

But in all actuality, all three of these requests are heartbreaking and a cause for righteous fury against the enemy. And it is on this post- where I am positive that more people than the ones who asked for prayer need this- that I will break it all down. First, is Discipline.

Discipline

All 2018, I thought that I had avoided the “Hustle & Grind” movement, where you bust your butt tirelessly to get where you want in life. I had a plan: Ask God and wait for the answer. Period. Lol. Buuuuuuuttttt, that didn’t really work. And what He showed me on today was that, while in the natural I wasn’t busting my butt, in the spiritual, I absolutely was. I was carrying my salvation on my back and legitimately being my own task master. I would constantly berate myself, just infuriated and disappointed with my slow progress or lack of progress. 

It seemed like for as much as I grew, I really wasn’t going anywhere. The bar always got pushed back and the expectations always piled on. It seemed like I could just never catch up or do/be enough. I was always lacking, always inadequate. In my eyes, I was never bold enough, holy enough, talented enough, disciplined enough, grateful enough, patient enough, confident enough, beautiful enough, wise enough, anointed enough, educated enough and the list goes freaking on. I spent all year riding myself into a better Kelah, reminding God what He said and showed me about myself and how in comparison, the present me was horrifically lacking. So I would tap my foot and my imaginary watch to remind God that we needed to pick up the pace if I was ever gonna be and do, what He made me to be and do.

That folks, was the devil.

Yep. Simple and clean. Let’s think about this. Why would anyone be asking for discipline? Because their current modus operandi isn’t up to their liking. They’ve taken inventory and felt that something isn’t working or adding up. Like me, I constantly felt like I was lacking, so I deduced that I needed to do more and be more. But why? Why did I feel that way? Because I felt inadequate, so it made me frustrated, resentful, bitter, guilty, ashamed and insecure. Let me make this clear, guys: Those feelings are not of God. They are of the devil. God would never make us or encourage us to feel this way. God is not the God of, “You should be ashamed of yourself.” He killed shame on the Cross.

So, if you’ve felt any of those things in your walk with God or in your pursuit of a better you, that feeling is satanic and not healthy, not heavenly and not conducive. 

The Lord told me this about Discipline, that this is His is the Lord’s word for those working on their relationship with Him: In this year, I am going to be the reason and power, the motivation and movement behind your discipline. I will be the force driving your actions. No longer will you feel the need to rely solely on your own will power and strength. I am going to reveal Myself to you, show you who I am and teach you through experience and time, the joy of My company. I will be your Best Friend. I will be your Teacher and Guide. I will be your Mentor. I will keep you and love you like a Parent. I will hold you down and stand by you like a Ride or Die. I will lavish you and treat you like a significant other. I will chill out and vibe with you like a sibling or roommate. I will be near to you always. I will be available to you always. And from the sheer knowledge of who I am and the taste of the times we share together, will a greater desire to be in My company arise. 

1 John 4:19 says “We love because He first loved us.” Without Me, you cannot  love Me or anything else. So what makes you think that apart from Me, you can do anything else? John 15:5 says “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing.” Apart from Me, you can do nothing. Apart from Me, you don’t have the ability to produce the sort of discipline I’ve built in you. Separate from Me, you cannot produce the gifts and skills I’ve placed inside of you. Without Me, you can’t operate at the level that I desire of you. Outside of Me, you cannot be pleasing to Me. So use Me. I’m here. Everything you need, I have and will supply. All the desire to love Me, I’ll give it. The ability and attention span to study My Word and stay awake in church- I have it. The interest in learning about Me- I’ll pour it out. Just come to Me and ask. And I’ll take you on the ride of a lifetime- but you must do it with Me. Amen.

I learned this the hard way. I got so exhausted with my efforts, I legitimately became infuriated with God and stopped talking to Him. I stopped watching sermons, stopped reading the Bible, stopped praying, stopped thanking Him when I woke up, just went on with my day, purposefully giving Him my shoulder. Upset that I was upset with Him, but upset nonetheless. For weeks it steadily declined to that point. What was really crazy though, was that He never intended for me- or any of us- to get to that point! He never asked us to try to be star students for Him. He never wanted us to carry our salvation on our backs and try to live godly lives going off of our own strength and understanding of what He wants and how we should act and what we should do. 

This is the season of God ending your reign as god over your life and allowing you to witness the ease of grace when He is properly given the position. No more of your expectations, your rules, your righteousness, your efforts, your understanding/interpretations, your legalism, your religiousness, your motivations, your strengths, your desires, and your logic and timing. This time around, we’re doing it His way. No more trying to assert and insert yourself. Just let God be God and do the work. 

Hebrews 4:1-11 talks about entering the rest of God. Our journey with Him is into rest. But if you’re isolated and feel like you’re not doing enough or that you aren’t enough and the feelings behind it are anxiety, stress, insecurity, inadequacy, guilt, shame, etc, then you’re probably being lied to by the devil so that he can keep you running rampant until you fall out physically and fall out with God.

Proverbs 23:4-5 says, “Do not overwork to be rich; because of your own understanding, cease! Will you set your eyes on that which is not? For riches certainly make themselves wings; They fly away like an eagle toward heaven.” I love that the New King James Version says “Do not overwork.” I love this verse (which I legit just came upon after getting to the bottom of this post) because it reminds us how how fleeting and fleeing our destinations and goals are. We seek riches but they steadily elude us, just like the expectations and standards the devil tries to tauntingly encourage us to attain. But again, we cannot do it on our own. Philippians 4:19 tells us that “My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Three of God’s titles are Rabboni (Teacher), Addonai (Master) and Shepherd. So, as our Teacher, Master and Shepherd, please understand that He knows exactly where we’re going, when we need to get there, and how we are going to get there. Sheep aren’t meant to lead themselves. Students aren’t meant to teach themselves. And servants aren’t meant to run themselves. There is an ease in letting Him have the reigns. 

In saying that, Imma let you in on a little secret. Isaiah 14:12-14, Ezekiel 28:14-18 and Luke 10:18 talk about the fall of Satan. What’s interesting, is that Isaiah 14:13-14 and Ezekiel 28:17 give the reason he was cast into hell and exiled from the Kingdom of God. Wanna know? Cause it’s super important, and you should remember it for the rest of your life: Satan focused on self. He exalted self. Period.

Look: Isaiah 14:13-14

“You said in your heart,    ‘I will ascend to heaven; above the stars of God    I will set my throne on high; I will sit on the mount of assembly    in the far reaches of the north; 14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds;    I will make myself like the Most High.’”

Ezekiel 28:17

“Your heart was proud because of your beauty;    you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor.”

Satan thought he was the bee’s knees and found out that he wasn’t. Satan thought he was better than God and more glorious than God and more wise and powerful and discerning than God, and should therefore reign above God- reign over God. And do you know what happened to him? I encourage you to click on that link and read it for yourself, but the short answer is: Jesus watched Him fall from heaven like lightning. He failed. Do you know why he failed? Because he wasn’t good enough. He wasn’t strong enough. He wasn’t holy enough. He wasn’t smart enough. He wasn’t disciplined enough. He wasn’t good enough.

And ya know what? 

Neither are we. Period.

Ladies and gentlemen, we do not have it in us to be godly enough to serve God properly. Satan wants you to focus on your abilities/lack thereof, your intelligence or lack thereof, your wisdom and holiness and creativity and skills and strength and everything else/the lack thereof with all of it. He wants you to be so consumed with what you do and don’t have/what you are and aren’t, that you never have the time, energy or reason to pay attention to the God who is every single thing you need. Our job down here, is not to get caught up and doped up on self. Satan’s greatest downfall was getting too hopped up on himself, so it’s his greatest weapon against us. 

A conversation I just had with a few friends after discussing their prayer requests led me to a realization of the attack the enemy has planned against the body of Christ- Isolation. It is one of the greatest attacks using self. When you are isolated, you only think about yourself. It drives you away from the body of Christ, from friends, from family, from coworkers and mentors, from church and Bible Study. In all these attacks, confusion and problems that my friends and acquaintances have been facing, they always confess that they felt so alone in the struggle! Only to find out that the people around them were going through the exact same thing. If the enemy can make us think life is only about us, then we will be more willing to entertain our struggles, and less willing to fight our battles and issues. Because the damage only falls on us, and that’s less responsibility than if it affected several others or moreover, thousands of others. But we are a body, people! 

1 Corinthians 12:25-27, “So that there should be no division in the body, but that its members should have mutual concern for one another. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. 27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each of you is a member of it.”

If one part suffers, every part suffers. So as each of us are getting individually attacked, so is the whole body. If your big toe is sprained, it makes walking hard because now you’re trying to take pressure off of it and you’re walking on the side of your foot, which is creating unequal distribution of weight and now your foot, legs, hips and back hurt because everything it out of whack. It’s like Captain America Civil War (lol). In order to disarm the Avengers, the villain knew that he had to break them apart by making them come into such vehement disagreement, that instead of being one solid unit, they broke into individual parts. And one by one, a group is always easier to pick off rather than if they were ganged up together. It’s easier to break individual plans of wood, it’s harder to take down a wall.

So the enemy wants us isolated, separated and focused entirely on self, where he can pick us off one by one. He wants us so focused on our problems- thinking nobody understands and that nothing more than our joy and finances are at risk- that we draw away from community and continue to secretly entertain things that God told us to put down and shake off. News flash for us though: We’re all getting attacked and this is a divisive scheme of the enemy to keep us from coming together and recognizing that we need each other. You are not alone. Others are suffering through the same things, but there are revelations, wisdom, prophecies, life lessons, Scriptures, teachings, encouragements, advice, prayers, etc that others have that you will never get if you don’t come out of the bubble of self and join the rest of the body. The enemy knows it’s much more potent to attack multiple people individually, rather than just attack a single individual multiple times. It’s better to hit them hard all at once over and over again, than to only drill one area. We need each other, but more importantly, we need God.  Satan found out that without God, he’s nothing but a roach that needs permission to stick around. 

Without God, who is the Head of our body, we are nothing more than individual members scattering around without purpose, without power and therefore, without progress. 

Y’all remember those breathtaking pictures, right? Just like one star didn’t make up that galaxy, it is not just us in this big giant world and this grand ole scheme. Trust, it’s time to join the ranks and let Addonai take the reigns.

Clarity

Another popular prayer request was for clarity, guidance and discernment. This is heartbreaking because not knowing where to go is a feeling that’s equivalent to “being in the dark.” I was talking to God today and I told Him I was tired of being in the dark about what my next step was. Y’all know what He clapped back with and said? You would feel in the dark when you’re serving up under something that originates from darkness.

Uuuummm?? Wait hello?? Is this thing on, cause....what???

Like it came on the tail end of my comment. As in, no space or breath between. And it settled in me. I wasn’t surprised because He had shown me while I was praying on Friday that this was an issue too many of His children were dealing with right now. I had thought I was the only one, only to be bombarded with the fact that, this was so much bigger than me.

The enemy is really out to confuse the children of God, making them scatter and feel abandoned. If you can cut off a sheep’s ability to see and hear their Shepherd, then you can control them, or at least keep them from progressing and moving how they need to. The issue is, as God showed me:

There are things that we have entertained in the past- or are still entertaining- that are not of Him and thereby, have been given permission and authority to come into our lives and disrupt our connection with God. This happens through an attack on our discernment/clarity where the enemy places a covering over our minds and scales over our spiritual eyes and ears.

Acts 9:1-18 talks about the conversion of Saul into an apostle. For those who don’t know, Saul (whose name became Paul) is an OG in the Bible who wrote 13 of the New Testament books. He actually killed Christians for a living and was a super “high and mighty” sort of guy. He was the kind of church folk we don’t like. Real snooty and self righteous. Which is what Satan was and what God is trying to get us not to be. But anyways, in verse 18 of Acts 9, it says, “And immediately something like scales fell from his eyes, and he regained his sight.” 

The Lord was showing me that there are some things that we have been serving/entertaining in the past or still presently are, that haven’t been cast down, surrendered to Him and disowned in our lives, so they have created scales over our eyes and ears. Some things that used to or still do have our attention and have the power to distract us. 

For example, I had an Amazon Prime subscription that I forgot about it. Because I was a student, it was free. But a year after my schooling ended, it began to charge me as a regular subscription. Since I wasn’t aware of this, I hadn’t cancelled my subscription and the charges kept adding up. Monthly charges and late fees were steadily accruing to my account. They would call me over and over and over again, waking me from my sleep and taking up storage in my phone with their constant voicemails. My mom went to check the bill  and noticed that was an amount where there should have been a zero balance. 

Without my awareness or conscious consent, this thing was wreaking havoc on my life and still operating. Still causing damage. And our spiritual lives are the same way. Some of us subscribed for things in the past, or still have an active account they use, that is wreaking havoc on your discernment and clarity to this very day. You have given some spirit- lust, greed, vanity, revenge, addiction, etc access to your account and it is still running you into debt. And because you never disowned, cast off, and surrendered that thing to God, it is still operating and functioning.

His Word has told us the He has given us the Spirit of power, love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 So that means, the enemy actually has no power over the state of our minds. But by the things we entertain, we can actually give him authority to disillusion us and enter into our discernment to interfere with our clarity. So these unclean spirits create a covering of confusion over our minds and create scales over our spiritual eyes and ears, which keep us-whether partially or wholly- blind and deaf to the guidance and voice of God. The enemy’s sole purpose is to keep us away from God. He doesn’t want us trusting God, consulting God, relying on God, praying to God, fellowshipping with Him, wanting Him, praising Him, talking to Him, etc. 

So think of these things like the old school web page blocks. If you tried to go to a website that was restricted, it’d take you to the school district’d blocked page, telling you the site was unavailable and deemed inappropriate. So, because of our relation to these unclean spirits, they have the right, under certain topics of conversation, to reroute our calls with God to the blocked page so we can’t hear or see Him properly. So every time you try to get on the phone with the Lord and seek His help/guidance, that thing that you never surrendered hops on the line and whispers things to you or blocks you from recognizing His voice. 

This year, it was prayed over me that it was extremely important to get familiar with God’s voice. I had a year of often thinking it was Him when it wasn’t. And the more areas of your life that aren’t submitted to Him, the larger the playing field is for anything to slide its answers to you. When you’re not submitted to God, your mind and discernment are a free for all in the spirit realm, where any demon or devil could be talking to you. You’ll definitely hear things that will lead you to serve whatever god you’re serving. I was serving vanity, so I was led to a lot of things, ideas and explanations the protected/promoted my image. Even if those things were damaging thoughts. We must be mindful of what we’re serving. If you serve money, you’ll hear opportunities everywhere. It will speak to you through anything.

If you are serving and operating in Unforgiveness, that in and of itself is a haze and block against the Lord. The Word says in Ephesians 4:26-27, “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.”  Unforgiveness is an actual opening to the devil to talk to you and influence you. And as long as you hold onto that anger, he can continue to talk to you and cloud your clarity on a matter, because he will only tell you things that satisfy that self righteous anger, those things that make you puff up your chest and think I have every right to be mad. So what if we never talk again. She wasn’t a real friend anyways. He wasn’t down for me. They were just some snakes. She just hating on me cause I moved up in life. And so on and so forth. When you’re so busy entertaining solutions and perspectives that feed your anger and grudge, when do you have the opportunity and awareness to hear the Lord when He’s trying to speak forgiveness to you? The Lord understands that we get angry, but He knows nothing good comes from holding onto it. He knows that it only gives the devil a foot in the door of your life and discernment. 

God desires grace. He tells us in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” 

Matthew 5:23-24 speaks on this same theme of reconciling with your brothers before coming to Him, “Therefore if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.”

Look at Ephesians 4:32- “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Unforgiveness, a lack of mercy, a hardened heart, these are things very opposite to God’s character and so against the very foundation of His relationship with us, that He tells us that we should be making every effort to make it right with one another or come to Him for help in working it out. The Lord tells us in Luke 11:23, "Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters. When you are outside of the will, desire and character of God, He says that you are not with Him, progressing with Him. He promises to never leave us nor forsake us in Hebrews 13:5, and that He is always with us in Psalm 73:23. 

But look, there are things we participate in throughout life and come into agreement with, that are the equivalent of placing on headphones and sunglasses while God is walking and talking with us. Things that are the equivalent of walking into dark and loud places with those sunglasses and headphones on. And what started off as a mere hum and slight dimming of interference in our ability to perceive the Lord throughout our circumstances, becomes a full on deaf and blindness. Sometimes we devote ourselves to things/entertain habits, mindsets, emotions, people, etc that cause us to lose track of the presence of the Lord. Though He is always with us, we lose the ability to hear and see Him as we devote ourselves to spending time in/with things that close off our connection to Him. 

So, as we go to Him, the Lord is going to show us those places that need to be disowned, renounced and surrendered to Him. He’s taking the power we’ve given to the enemy back. But until we ask Him to reveal those places, we’ll stay in the dark. Legitimately. Anything outside of Him, is outside of light since He is Light. When we ask someone to “shed some light on the topic,” it’s because we need further understanding and clarification. We can’t get that if topics remain unexplained or improperly discussed. Just the same, we can’t expect to get the full spectrum of God’s illuminating clarity if there’s still parts of us that are serving up under shadows and darkness.

Mental Health

Now, this one is more so about stress and anxiety. Mental Health is a huge topic, and I am by no means an expert. So I won’t exactly be touching on the whole spectrum.

Just in regards to stress and anxiety, the Lord basically pointed to Himself as an example of a perfect mind and perfect mental health. His mind functions without flaw. In fact, His mind is so powerful and proper, that what He thinks, comes to pass.

Isaiah 14:24 “The Lord of hosts has sworn, saying, “Surely, as I have thought, so it shall come to pass.”  Another verse discusses a concept kinda similar to that in humans, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7. For God, what He thinks-happens. For us, what we think in our hearts- which means whatever we devote our consistent attention to, whatever we believe and meditate on- so we are, so we become.

When we focus on stress, we become stressed. When we focus on lust, we become horny. When we think about food, we get hungry. When we concentrate on companionship/lack thereof, we feel lonely. When we harp on our inadequacies, we feel insecure. There are things that we are meditating on that are affecting how we think, feel, sleep, communicate, relate to others, learn, eat, work, date, relax, exercise, etc. There are ideas we have that control who we are, who we let in, what we do, etc. Things that are restricting, oppressive, harmful, debilitating, etc. There are thoughts and perspectives we weren’t designed and destined to agree with- lies the enemy wants us to feed off of. 

So the Lord showed me that He wants to gives us His perspective, understanding, thoughts and truths about ourselves, our circumstances, our relationships, jobs, aspirations, troubles, etc. What we’ve been thinking about, harping on and meditating over are deteriorating our peace, joy, esteem, hope, and rest. So, the commission? Meet God where you’re at and pour out. Don’t try to put on by being extra holy, unbothered, super strong or grateful (cause I recently used to come to God as I felt I was supposed to, and not as I actually was). Let Him know you’re frustrated, stressed, down bad, wondering what the crap is going on, depressed, anxious, confused, hurt, feeling abandoned or forgotten, lost and cold. Let Him know you’re not sleeping well and having nightmares, that you can barely keep it straight during the day. Let Him know you cry all the time or that you want to even though you typically never do. 

And understand that He knows every single thing you’re saying to Him already. This practice is rehearsing how to surrender to God. I know I keep using that word, but it’s important. How can He be your God, your Master, your Parent if you don’t relinquish control to Him? Letting everything out and being transparent is an exercise of trust and love. You coming to Him and being honest is saying, “I’m ready to be vulnerable, I’m admitting that I’m vulnerable and I need Your help. I need YOU, because I haven’t been enough. Even when I wish I was, I am just not enough to help myself like You can help me, God.”

And that brings me to another important area that was common in the prayer requests, and my last point:

Strength

This ties right into Discipline, because we try to practice discipline in our own strength. But simply put, we cannot get the job done and go through life in our own strength only. When we come to the end of ourselves, we reach the beginning of an infinite God with infinite strength, power, solutions, resources, wisdom, hope, joy and peace. Stop trying to be happy all by yourself. Stop trying to find and control your own peace. Jesus is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). He promises us rest (Hebrews 4), so let Him give it to you and help you. Moral of the story is: let Him lead and guide you, provide for and supply you, protect and stand by you. 

Again, I know mental health is broad and gets preeetty complicated. So I’m not trying to minimize its issues. My point is, there are some things, like stress and forms of anxiety, that the Lord wants to heal you from in this season. And He wants to begin by replacing your toxic beliefs, those empty promises of can’t and won’t, and the discouraging lies that plague your every moment with His truth, His perspective, His promises and His decrees. 

You are so much more than what your mind and the enemy tells you.

So from here on out, let’s just let God take the reigns of our discipline, discernment (clarity), minds, and strength. You know what. Let’s let Him take the reigns period. Jesus take the wheel, remember? Look at those pictures one more time. Soak it in, breathe and start surrendering. The God of miracles, signs, wonders and infinite universes can handle it. He made our universe, so He can maneuver yours. 

[dailyaudiobible]

05/10/2017 DAB Transcript

1 Samuel 8:1-9:27 ~ John 6:22-42 ~ Psalm 106:32-48 ~ Proverbs 14:34-35

Today is May 10th.  Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible.  I’m Brian. It's great to be here with you today and I guess I'm ready.  I have this little preflight checklist in my mind, but I think we’re ready.  Coffee is here.  Microphone is here.  Headphones are here.  Sound is happening.  Everything is ready to go.  Are you ready?  Okay, here we go.  

We’re reading from the God's Word translation this week and our reading from the Old Testament will be from 1 Samuel.  We’re getting to know Samuel.  We learned of his childhood and the events that were surrounding the time of his life, some of the things that were going on.  He is a prophet in the land and a judge in the land, a ruler, a leader, but a new context for leadership is about to enter the story. So we’ll dive in.  1 Samuel chapter 8, verse 1 through 9:27 today.  

Commentary

So in the book of 1 Samuel today we meet somebody that we’re going to get to know quite a bit better.  His name is Saul and he's from the tribe of Benjamin.  You’ll remember the tribe of Benjamin from just a couple days ago in the book of Judges.  We watched the tribe of Benjamin just about be wiped out from the face of the earth and, over time, little by little they’ve been growing.  They’ll never be the biggest tribe.  They are the smallest tribe.  Saul comes from this tribe.  We’re going to get to know his story quite well.  Not a bunch of spoilers here.  Just remember, look into Saul's life as a mirror because there are things in Saul that we will find in ourselves.  That is how the Bible really works, I have found.  We can read history.  We can read stories.  We can read customs.  We can read rituals.  They are fascinating and very, very interesting, but when the Bible becomes a mirror, then it changes us.  Saul's story is extraordinary, but the things that motivate Saul's heart are the things that pull us as well, so there is much to learn there.  

When we get to the book of John today we have something very, very fascinating going on.  It kind of connects with what I was just saying.  Jesus has come into the world and he's speaking light into the world and he's showing people how to look at the world and how to look at their lives and how to live and it is connecting, but he is speaking far more than just the physical issues of any given day.  Yes, those are important things, but there is more going on.  Jesus is trying to say there is more going on and expose that to show a more holistic look at an integrated spirituality and physicality.  

We are spiritual beings and we are physical beings and Jesus’ message is appealing to the heart, which is why he uses stories a lot, why he tries to unpack concepts that people have been blinded to for so long, including us.  So we kind of see that.  Jesus has just fed 5000 people and walked on water.  That was in yesterday's reading, so today's reading is the next day and people are trying to figure out where Jesus went and they eventually find him in Capernaum.  It is here that we see what is going on.  We can see the undertow of conversation.  

Jesus has just fed 5000 people.  This looks like the ancient story that these people know.  They know that in their history there was a season where they were wandering in the wilderness and they had nothing to eat and God fed them manna from heaven to sustain them.  So when they find Jesus, Jesus says to them, “I guarantee you this. You’re not looking for me because you saw miracles.  You're looking for me because you ate as much of those loaves as you wanted.”  

You can almost imagine what people were saying.  Like, “We saw this happen.  We ate this.  Maybe this is bread from heaven.  Somehow this is miraculous.  We need more of this.”  

And Jesus, as he's having this conversation, shifts it like he always does. “Don’t work for food that spoils. Instead, work for the food that lasts into eternal life.  This is the food that the Son of Man will give you.”  So he's turning it from the purely physical to a more comprehensive look at things.  

So as they’re trying to get their mind around it, they just simply ask, “What does God want us to do?”

Jesus’ response to that (and that is a big question) is “God wants to do something for you so that you believe in the one he sent to you.”

They immediately move toward miracles.  “What miracle are you going to perform?”  And then they suggest the one that they would like Him to perform. “Our ancestors ate the manna in the desert.  Scripture says he gave them bread from heaven to eat.”

Jesus’ response is “I guarantee you Moses didn’t give bread from heaven. That's my Father.  My Father gives you the true bread from heaven.”

And they said what we would say.  “Okay, great.  Can I have some of that bread?”

Okay, so that is like a really, really open, important question.  This is a time when Jesus answers back directly with the truth instead of an illustration.  If you notice, when Jesus answers, when all of the questions have been answered and all of the illustrations have been given and he has to give the straight truth, this is when it offends people.  This is when they can’t handle it.  They can’t get their mind around it.  They can’t quite make that leap from beyond just their physicality, from just beyond their physical senses to understand there really is way more going on in their existence than simply what their bodies can interpret.  

So Jesus answers directly, “I am the bread of life.  Whoever comes to me will never become hungry.  Whoever believes in me will never become thirsty. I’ve told you that you’ve seen me but you don’t believe in me, but everyone who the Father gives me will come and I will never turn away from anyone who comes to me.”

So the people want magic.  They want manna and Jesus is shifting the story.  “There is spiritual nourishment, there is a nourishment that informs all other hunger.  There is a full that touches every other kind of hunger and I am it.  So just come to me.”  And even coming to Jesus, when we think of coming to Jesus, we have to acknowledge there is more going on than our physical senses can comprehend. There is more going on.  

Prayer

Jesus, we want that bread of life.  We want to never hunger and thirst again.  We want to hunger and thirst for righteousness and your presence in our lives. But we realize, just like your hearers at this time, we’re very, very tethered to the input of our physical senses and so often believe this is really all there is.  So everything that we have to do with you goes through that filter.  Everything that we want, everything that we desire has something to do with circumstance as opposed to being drawn into a larger story, a bigger view, a greater understanding of a much bigger story that is going on in your kingdom on this earth. So come Holy Spirit, expand what we think that we know.  Let our hearts reach out in truth for you, to be filled once again so that we will never hunger and thirst, and so that every other thing in our lives will be oriented properly because we are whole, we are full from within.  Come Holy Spirit.  We ask in Jesus’ name.  Amen.  

Announcements

Www.DailyAudioBible.com is the website.  It's home base.  Check it out. It's where you find out what is going on.  Check out the Prayer Wall that is there, resources that are available there, and stay connected.  

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, that can be done at www.DailyAudioBible.com as well.  There is a link on the home page.  Thank you humbly, honestly.  Thank you for all of these days that we’ve been able to do this together.  And thank you for helping us in the future, tomorrow, the next day.  If you're using the Daily Audio Bible App, you can press the More button in the lower right-hand corner.  If you prefer, the mailing address is P.O. Box 1996, Spring Hill, TN 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, (877) 942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that’s it for today.  I'm Brian. I love you.  I’ll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer Requests and Praise Reports

Good morning my fellow Dabbers.  This is the day that the Lord has made.  I will rejoice and be glad in it.  I wanted to just reach out to you all and just let you know that I'm lifting up all the prayer requests.  I listen to them.  I write them down and I pray over them, interceding often when I'm in prayer. This is Pamela calling from Huntington, NY.  Just thanking God for this wonderful, wonderful day and all of you.  Just want to encourage those who are in marriages who are struggling, that God is able.  I want you to hold onto that.  And for those of you who are going through financial difficulty, the Lord is able to bless you as well, but you have to give in order to receive.  Very, very important.  You have to give in order to receive, giving your tithe, giving your offering, give to others and as you give, you’ll receive.  God is a god of principle.  I just wanted to say that.  Continue to pray, please, for me and Pastor Gary.  Don’t forget him.  Keep him in your prayers.  God bless everyone.  

Hey Daily Audio Bible family.  This is Lance in San Diego and it's May 8th.  Anyway, the first thing I want to let you guys know is I'm praying for all your prayers out there, every single one, and many others also. Many of us listen to every single prayer.  Even if you’re on the Community Prayer Podcast for the week there, we get through all those and we pray for all those.  If God puts anything on your heart to call about, you should just call in and trust God that we’ll be praying for you.  And that's kind of why I'm calling.  God keeps putting something on my heart to call in and share about and that is to share about my experiences with fasting.  A lot of people are fasting and I fast too.  I’ve done some longer fasts in the past, so God just kind of put it on my heart to talk a little bit about that.  I really don’t share…I haven’t really ever shared, but fasting for me has always been a very personal and spiritual tool that God has used in my life and I’ve always kept it private, as he talked about in Matthew 6, but I feel God is leading to share specifically how to prepare for a fast if you want to do a longer fast or if God is putting it on your heart to fast. And if God is putting it on your heart to fast and it keeps coming up, something in your heart you should try, fasting is a simple thing to do.  All it is is not eating.  Some people fast something, but what I'm talking about is fasting food.  Simply two or three day fast to begin with.  So over the next few days I’ll be calling in. I'm preparing for a fast.  I’ll be going through my preparation phase where I first make sure I'm sleeping enough hours every night.  I get to bed at 10:00 and the next week I'm going to start cutting out caffeine because I love my coffee like many of us do.  It is sitting here at the desk looking at me.  And then on the __ week I’ll be preparing my diet as well.  So that is about my time.  I’ll be calling in later on how I'm doing.  Talk to you guys later.  Bye.  

Hi DAB family.  This is Paula calling from Albuquerque.  I'm going to try and talk fast, which I know I don’t normally do, but after listening to the Community Prayer from Saturday, what day was that, May 6th, I really felt led that I needed to call.  Praise report:  My little miracle grandson after nine weeks is off oxygen completely.  He is gaining weight.  He weighs like 8-1/2 pounds from 4 pounds when he was born.  Please continue to pray for him, for his little system.  He is not tolerating the formula that they have him on.  We need provision for that.  My kids need to both get back to work and keep their focus on that as well so they can move out and get their own place.  Also I had asked prayer for my ex-husband.  He had his surgery for colon cancer on Thursday.  The doctors say that he is cancer free.  I ask for continued prayers for my sweet friend Alaina here. I’ve called before.  They said the cancer is spreading and they have only given her two options and she is refusing to accept what they say.  The other thing is Annette, my eyes are just now drying after you reading that letter.  I work for an organization that operates under this imaginary letter that we would get from our customers and what you read is a letter I would love to get from my own son.  And I'm sure that there are others that feel the same way about their prodigals.  Also praying for marriages, for addictions, for healing, for standing for the right thing.  Thank you Joe.  I love you guys and listening and praying as I go.  Have a blessed week.  Amen.  

Hello, my name is Jackie from Vancouver in Canada.  I am calling for our brother, I think you said your name was Ken from Orange County in California and you called because you’re struggling to know how to let go, how to give it to God and let go.  I just had to call.  I am way behind in listening and I listen every day.  I wanted to tell you, my brother, that you are doing exactly right.  You called in to ask for prayer.  That is how to start to let go.  I’ll just tell you from my experience I’ve had __ with a breakthrough to unrequited love, for actually being with someone and trying to let go.  I know how difficult it is and I understand where you’re coming from.  From my history, I woke up every day and I said to God every day, out loud “God, help me let go because I don’t know how to do it myself.”  And then I prayed to the Holy Spirit, “Help me in the day to let go.”  And you have to do that repeatedly every day out loud so that you're saying it with your brain, with your heart, with your everything, asking for God to help you because you can’t let it go yourself, only God can.  I love you.  I'm praying for you.  I’ve been there.  It will be okay.  Thanks family.  I'm praying for all of you.  Bye.  

Hi, this is Daniel from Wisconsin and I have a praise report I'm sending your way.  Oh, it is so great.  My wife was under the knife a couple of days ago for a reported cyst the size of a football. Everything has been removed.  It is benign.  It is cancer free and it is just a miracle, just a miracle.  We thank you.  We thank you, Lord, for all that prayed for us.  Again, this is Dan from Wisconsin giving praise for my wife Trudy.  Thank you very much.  Have a great day.  Bye.  

[sundaymomma-ing]

It’s so difficult to move on from the bad situations in life. To let them go completely and be truly happy in the good that you have now. I realized this suddenly after writing about expectations last week. Moderately uncomfortable backstory is required here. I was married for about ten years to a man who was unkind. While never truly physically abusive there was, looking back, clear emotional abuse as well as…I struggle to know what to call it…a sense of less-than-ness. I was never harmed, but often felt isolated, in a position of powerlessness. The word I want to use is broken, though that seems overly dramatic. My marriage and my life were very normal from the outside looking in, but when I made a request, when my opinion was given, when I had a need or even a strong desire, I was shut-down, put in my place, quieted.

Please, don’t feel sorry for me, all of this was my choice. Sure, it started with an uninformed choice when I was very young, but then I continued to choose day after day to live broken, silent. Until one day I didn’t. I knew that I had the ability to change my situation, he was never able to convince me that I had no way out, no reason to leave, no chance of escape from him. Like I said, it was my choice and so several years ago I made the change that was hard and good.

I often get stuck back there mentally though. Even though I am now married to a good, kind, loving, considerate, thoughtful (I could go on all day) man, I forget. I become mired in my twenties where I had no voice, no opinions that mattered, no requests that were important. I forget that now the mere mention of my sadness over a finished book allows this man an opportunity to remind me how well I am loved by him. He is the love my Father in heaven has for me.

Now, before any of you out there get too worked up, the Christian I am needs to say that while I believe the Bible and know that my divorce is sinful, I also believe that God loves me, has forgiven me, and has nothing but good for me to come. I don’t live stuck in that sin, it has been forgiven, forgotten because of the love of Jesus. I don’t doubt that even from my sinful place of leaving He was there working in and around me to make my choices good for my future. You can judge me on this if that’s what you need to do, the truth has been spoken into my heart and I live without fear of this sin.

So, why all of this confessing? After I wrote last week, my husband was concerned about the Expectations post, he wondered if the two of us were not communicating well or if he was missing cues. He was probably wondering what exactly I was talking about, though that’s only my interpretation from our conversation. He is really good at loving me. At knowing what my heart most needs. While he is no mind reader, he understands that I will eventually have a tantrum and need to get out of this house for a day. He buys chocolate and heavy cream and wine and other “little things” that are not necessary, but that bring me moments of joy. He is observant of what I like and what I would like. He is, honestly, much better at this than I am.

See, I had forgotten, or overlooked my current joy to reflect back on how disappointed I used to be. Why did I do that? Why would I want to think about all of the times I had been let down, felt over-looked, or had been told that what I wanted was simply not important? I’ve been thinking about that and I suppose it is just all too easy to get stuck back there, in the sadness. Sadness is a very powerful emotion, and when you lived there for so many years it is sometimes hard to remember that you’ve left. I still find myself mumbling how asking for some want or need is unrealistic or selfish, when I know-like really, truly know-that if I even mention a random desire to my sweet man, he will go out of his way to make it reality for me. Whether it is a tangible item or an emotional need, he wants me to know how much I am loved.

This is now a heart issue for me. One that I fully recognize as such. I am working on living “here” and not mentally slipping back to the days when I was broken. I know that I have made new, good choices for myself and my future and I am attempting to leave the past choices back where they belong. When I catch myself living in that lonely place I actively work to remind my heart that I am loved. Are there still disappointments in my life? Of course. They are much smaller and much less frequent now though. I actually feel quite spoiled as I sit here thinking over all of the ways I am shown my worth by kindness, love, and caring. There should really be no question in my mind that my happiness is important. I am very thankful that this is where I live now.

As my small people once again stole my quiet mornings over the past few days I’ve had time to think about the words I’ve put down here and with that time I have also realized that my happiness does not come just from this man. Again, my choice brought me here. When I made the hard choice to walk away all of those years ago, when I make choices now that are good for me. Each time that I have put God in control, given Him the power that is rightfully His to work in my life in the way He sees fit, I have stolen joy back from those years of unhappiness. I know that it is the love of my Heavenly Father that I need and that I long for and that I have. And so I do move on from the bad times. It is hard and it does require many decisions be made that are often easier left unmade, but people don’t just grow, we have to work for that growth. I am doing that hard work still, each time I acknowledge the hard past and yet live in the present I am growing for good.

The year I turned thirty, the year of hard decisions, is a pivot point in my life, where in looking back I can see the change in direction I made in my life and it is as clear as day. When I made the choice to actually work toward joyfulness (what I’d define as contentment in all situations because of the love of a Savior) instead of happiness (pleasant, yet short-lived satisfaction with ones surroundings) I made another pivot. My attitude was no longer fearful or worried or anxious. My heart returned to a normal rhythm as I began to know that all suffering works in me to create peace. I lived in the book of Romans for quite some time, there are so many relevant and meaningful verses in this letter from Paul. The one that caused this second pivot is this; Romans 5:3-4 “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” 

As I think back over choosing to “glory in my suffering” I see that this shift brought me so close to living as the girl I am in my head and heart. This time of understanding the love that was available to me changed me so much but also returned me to who I really am. Trusting the good that has already been given me I am better able to revel in any supposed bad that comes my way. I am better able to love and give goodness and be less inwardly focused. It’s become clearer over the past week of waiting to finish writing that the writing will never be finished. That I will continue to learn and in learning there will be moments where I will make a conscious decision to turn. Sometimes those turns will be hard and scary, other times they will be such gentle curves that I won’t notice the change until I look back. All of the twists and straight stretches getting me to the end of my road in exactly the condition I needed to be in.

Awhile back I wrote about processing all of my feelings, about my failings as a person, and how I have become the woman I am now. I never posted it. It is an impossible thing for me to put out there into the written world where anyone could read it. I know that what I’m giving you today is part of that story, and I feel a little lighter having got it down on paper. There may be pieces of myself that I never share, time will tell. I am realizing that my story-my life-has a purpose though, God really will use my struggles to create in me as well as through me. All things working together for my good on this journey, if only I can realize it in the moment.

Realizations It's so difficult to move on from the bad situations in life. To let them go completely and be truly happy in the good that you have now.

[nicemango-feed]

Thoughts on Manchester Attack....& Responses that Just aren't Helping

The Manchester terror attack broke my heart, as each and every terror attack does. It chilled me to my core…again. 

Image from CNN.com

With the frequency of these attacks, it’s hard to process them all and properly mourn the loss before your attention is diverted to yet another tragedy. 

During the time I finished up this very blog post, I heard of deadly attacks in Baghdad and Kabul. It's hard, so hard to take it all in and grasp the magnitude of loss around the world. 

My thoughts are with all those who have suffered. 

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The Manchester attack targeted children while they were out having fun, enjoying music, enjoying life... 

Image from here

It’s those very freedoms that terrorists hate, they abhor those who don’t live in the same ideological cages as them. 

I sit here and try to absorb all the fragmented commentary coming from all angles, trying to make sense of this, trying to understand how we can change it for the better. How do we stop this from happening? I don’t know.. because the terrorists motivations seem to lie in a tangled web of things, parts of which each side wants to deny. The most obvious of those is extreme blind faith in an ideology they consider to be infallible.  

I look around me, and see there’s nothing new here…

The left though well intentioned, nor the right, theists, nor atheists - no one is hitting notes (on this subject) that deeply resonate with me anymore. It’s pretty much the same tired commentary, the same motions we go through after each terror attack. 

“Islam is evil”

“”Nothing to do with Islam”

“Muslims must do more” 

“Muslims should not have to apologize for something they have nothing to do with” 

“Islam is war”

“Islam is peace” 

“Its all about foreign policy”

“Its all about religion” 

We really have to do better than this, because neither side on this issue is getting through to the other. Just screaming at each other till we’re blue in the face isn’t going to accomplish anything. 

It’s obvious this is a problem that needs to be addressed, denying links to Islam as people shout Allahu-akbar and take lives just doesn't suffice. It’s not helping anyone, least of all muslims. 

This isn’t to say that how all muslims practice Islam is hateful, divisive and dangerous...but we must acknowledge that some extreme muslims do take it this far, if we want to start solving this. Of course every community has it’s extremists..but Islam does have a lot more Westboro Baptist equivalents …and too many who are even more extreme than Westboro level.

There is a fundamentalism problem coming directly from the rigid orthodoxy that Islam commands in the 21st century. Our communities can certainly do more to promote diversity and inclusivity…we do fall short there, we’ve got to own it…only then can we begin to tackle it.

All that said though, here’s another thing thats not cutting it; Laying the blame on all Muslims collectively. 

This is like me saying portland, Quebec, NYC - white supremacist murders all by you white people. Its just not right to lump innocent people of the same demographic with violent savages who murder people. 

In this case in particular, it’s not fair to say Muslims could have, or should have done more as a community…as the bomber, Salman Abedi had been reported to authorities multiple times. There are mixed reports about him being banned from his mosque, so I'm not sure about that. But mosques can always do more to try and root out extremism. 

Full story here

With a frightening surge in white supremacist and anti-muslim attacks in this Trumpian era, the polarization amongst us is growing at such an alarming rate...I fear we’ll end up at a point where we have to pick a side between nazis and jihadis. Already people seem to think you can’t care about both…each team trying to emphasize the horrors of ‘the other side’ while trying to downplay or deny the horrors that come from people within their communities. 

Full story here

Full story here

We’ve got to do better, all of us. Looking inwards, is important for all communities, self-critique is how we improve.

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The post terror attack scenario, is sadly our reality more and more often…around the globe. I understand its a moment of panic, anger, high emotion. People aren’t always thinking clearly on any side of the debate. But we have to do better, it’s the only way we can beat this monster. The one thing they want is to divide, disrupt and create chaos, sow hatred... in the days, weeks, months after…it’s something we should not let them have. 

There are a lot different types of counterproductive behaviour that emerge right after a terror attack, I feel we can make an already horrendous, painful situation a little more bearable if we refrain from this type of behaviour: 

'The Nothing to do with Islam’ chorus - I get it, it’s a reflex to distance either yourself (if you’re muslim) or an already persecuted minority from the worst, most violent people among them. But as all the liberal/muslim defenders of the religion will tell you, Islam is not a monolith. There are many people, majority of muslims in fact who manage to ignore or ‘re-interpret’ the same verses that drive the terrorists to kill. Why then does it all of a sudden become a monolith with boundaries that exclude terrorists when convenient? You simply cannot deny that those verses too come from the same religion. Just a different interpretation…if you start defining ISIS as ‘not real muslims’ you are playing their game. This is essentially what they do to dehumanize muslims that aren’t living up to their barbaric 7th century standards. The defensiveness and the desperation to distance terrorists from the religion that they themselves claim inspires them, makes defenders appear intellectually dishonest or in deep denial. In order to see the whole picture we cannot keep hiding from the fact that religion has a major role to play in religious extremism. There is hatred of music, hatred of women, of LGBT, of non-muslims coming from Islamic scripture, and theres no way you can modernize, reform or improve things if you at the very least don’t acknowledge that this problem exists. Fine…say this is not how you read it, but you can’t deny that the raw material exists for others to interpret in more violent ways. 

Sharing selective out of context Quran quotes guy - Nope. If you think you can share selective positive quotes, then don’t forget that people can and will rightfully share selective violent quotes to counter that too. This just looks like dishonesty or incomplete knowledge (which is also an issue, as many muslims are taught a curated version of scripture and often in a language they don't understand, I honestly didn’t know the existence of some of these verses till I did some research on my own…and hence, ‘ex-muslim’... 

I’ll make the same point for those who randomly share selective violent Quran quotes in the aftermath of a terror attack…not as a rebuttal to anyone denying violence in scripture…but just putting it out there that ..’look the scripture is violent… this scripture ALL muslims live by is dangerous” - no, this isn’t the time or place for that. I wholeheartedly agree…the scripture is vile, violent and all that. But tying ordinary muslims to these violent words when they may not fully be aware of its meanings, or even know of its existence is just in poor taste when they will likely already face a backlash of anti-muslim sentiment after an Islamic terror attack. I would say at other times, absolutely share this stuff, make muslims aware that this is what it says, and ask them to question if they’d really endorse this stuff. But RIGHT after a terror attack? Not a good idea imo. The bible has some vile violent verses too…we’ve just reached a point where many people don’t take it literally, and I hope we get there for Islam too…but if thats the goal tying *muslims in general* to violent verses in ancient scripture post-terror attack is harmful and counterproductive. 

Reminder, for the 'but what about Islam' types, I'm not sharing this to deny or shift blame from the fact that the Quran has equally violent, abhorrent verses that do inspire such horrors. But just to demonstrate that it is not uniquely evil, it is just unique in how seriously it is still taken today by many...unfortunately. 

Being blindly narrative driven without any regard for the truth - whether on the left or right, all muslims bad or all muslims good. This can take the vicious Nazi-esque Katie Hopkins form (far more dangerous and sinister of course), or it can take a well-intentioned but dishonest form from a magazine trying to portray muslims in a good light. You might be well intentioned but if you knowingly lie about things (see Cosmo screenshots below), ultimately you’re doing more harm to Muslims than you are good, and also providing fodder to the far right…who will find it easier to dismiss positive stories about muslims because of things like this.  

So they seem to know it's a Sikh person at this point...

How then...does this dishonest headline get printed? I mean there might very well be muslim Taxi drivers doing this as well, but juxtaposing it with this picture of a Sikh man, is really misleading!

Jump to Islamophobia concerns community leader - usually a guy being interviewed on TV who actually barely says two words about the horror of this attack before turning it around and making it about him and his community. Come on dude, priorities…yes there will likely be an anti-muslim backlash…i feel you…I get your concerns, I think anyone of muslim background shares those…generally people with brown skin might be fearful, as some non muslims have been killed as well in anti-muslim attacks. So i get it, legitimate concern….but in the aftermath of an attack, the first thing on your mind shouldn’t be the impact this will have on you…have some sympathy for the victims, for the horror their families will be dealing with.  

Similarly, on the fliplside theres the 'You can only care about one thing at a time' person - To this individual if you are concerned about a woman’s hijab being violently ripped off at the same time as the attack, you clearly have no regard for the victims of this brutal attack. This seems absurd to me. You can simultaneously express concern for both…because both harm innocent people. To assume there is no real violence being committed against perceived muslims is deeply foolish or deeply sinister…this isn’t about a few mean words hurled at muslims. This is about pregnant women being kicked till they lose their babies, this is about innocent people being killed. Their lives are no less valuable than those who went to the concert. You can and should express concern about both, of course one of these is not a large scale terrorist attack so one is more pressing and urgent, but this doesn’t mean that anyone expressing concern for both cares any less about the victims of the actual bombing. It just means they are looking at the bigger picture and concerned both about longer term as well as immediate effects. Sad this has to be explained, but there are many 'skeptical takes' out this week saying the victims of the bombing take a backseat if u care about anti-muslim sentiment rising during this attack. Its not one or the other, this is tribalism, plain and simple. And until we stop making it about us vs. them…and see that it is a cyclical problem where hate feeds hate...and that far right anti-muslim hate also fans the fires of Islamism, we won’t be able to combat it. 

The niqabi who decides to wear a grenade t-shirt on TV - ok this is rather specific…but i’m referring to a real fucking person who thought it was a good idea to be on TV and be interviewed about radicalization in the muslim community while wearing a black t-shirt that spells love in fucking *weapons*. 

At first i thought it was a photoshop job.. but sadly not...See video here

What kind of a person thinks thats a fucking good idea..? I mean of course Tommy Robinson was all over that. I don’t think it necessarily says anything about her sympathies or affiliations, as it appears to be a widely available 

t-shirt, 

but I mean the optics of this on a hipster kid and on a niqabi talking about extremism on TV after an *islamic* *terror* *attack* are completely different. Of course people are going to draw conclusions about what she was thinking. It might very well be that she foolishly thought it was a good ironic msg about peace, love and being anti violence or something…but fuck...it does not come across like that. Terrible terrible idea. NOT HELPING. 

'Hashtag Terror attack you say?!...Buy my books because I generally talk about Islam & stuff' person - 

Seriously...don’t be that person…don’t plug your non-specific stuff using a terror attack that took many lives. Of course some content is genuinely helpful and some content has been created as a specific response or commentary to this attack. That’s not what i’m talking about… it’s perfectly ok and also necessary for us to have access to different commentary and viewpoints after an attack. It’s how we process and form our opinions. This very piece is that… I’m talking about unrelated things that people are plugging using the hashtag and all. Don’t do that. That’s really in poor taste. 

Projecting negative intent on anyone that’s visibly muslim - Don’t be like Molyneux, probably a good rule in general.

(This is from the London attack, but the point remains.)

Whining about how people express their grief - Im sorry but people cope in different ways... are you that miserable of a person that you cannot let people heal in the ways that suit them? Coming together in groups, singing, feeling part of a community can feel powerful....and unite us at a time we feel so helpless otherwise. It can make us feel like we're doing something at least. Expressing ourselves through music and song is one of the things jihadis hate... its why they attack concert halls ffs. Don't be the guy that piles on to that. "Liberals just sing while the terrorists bomb us" - right cuz the singing is how they specifically plan to combat bombing. Liberals would go to battle ISIS armed with Jon Lennon songs I'm sure. 

I mean can people seriously have a problem with this kind of thing?

Goosebumps! The amazing moment Manchester crowd joins in with woman singing Oasis - Don't Look Back in Anger after minutes silence http://pic.twitter.com/Cw4mOq8yde

— Josh Halliday (@JoshHalliday) May 25, 2017

Is this not a valid & beautiful unifying, powerful response to human suffering? I don't understand the pettiness...

But What about [Name other Tragedy] - This isn't a contest, human suffering isn't a contest, please don't try to negate one tragedy by saying another deserves more attention. Yes some things get more air time than others, sometimes because it's closer to home, other times because of some aspects of the story. I wish i knew how to insure that all tragedies got equal attention, but this doesn't happen in the real world...so please don't take away from other horrific acts because the one you're talking about got less coverage. 

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I’m sure there’s a ton of more examples of unhelpful behaviour… feel free to add your observations too, in the comments below. But I just felt I had to put this out there after seeing so many cringeworthy takes, making an already tragic situation worse. 

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[sassenachiniona]

General Thoughts and Feelings

This is a compilation of writing my stream of consciousness on various experiences and thoughts I’ve had during this trip. This is a rough draft and barely edited. Subject to change later on. 

A small comparison between Glasgow and Edinburgh:

Edinburgh is a much livelier city than Glasgow. It’s also more politically conservative and wealthier than Glasgow. Glaswegians are much friendlier and nicer than most people from Edinburgh. Similar to New York or London, Edinburgh is a flutter of other languages. As usual, most non-English speakers had fantastic English and it put my casual French and few words of Spanish to shame. I had no problems with any Scottish accent so far. A new Scottish friend was very impressed that I hadn’t said “What?” once in our 3 hour conversation. It’s a bustling city with a small town vibe and it’s a big university town. Glasgow also has a university but I didn’t get the sense of international attraction the way the University of Edinburgh has. I kept hearing American accents from exchange students in cafes. Loud “Oh my GOD”’s and “Awesome!” would randomly puncture through the myriad of foreign accents. A part of me hoped that it would bring some sort of comfort and familiarity but generally, it annoyed me.

Confidence Boosters:

The best parts of this trip so far have been talking to people. I have forgotten just how people-literate I am and what a social butterfly I can really be. I have been so extroverted and have hit a great balance between extroversion and introversion. It’s really lonelieness that forces me out and makes friends. Instead of feeling bad or shameful for feeling lonely, it feels healthy and normal.

People say that I’m really brave for traveling by myself in a foreign country with no connections, no friends, and I’m only 23. I didn’t used to think so. Quite frankly, I was embarrassed by how little solo international travel I had done. There was so much to planning that I didn’t do well or didn’t know. There were so many problems with logistics that I had to figure out on the fly without anyone to ask. I did it all. I’m constantly reminded how damn resourceful and intelligent I am. How truly fucking wonderful I am. I carry interesting conversations. I’m well-versed and have comprehensive views and understanding of politics and economics. How I keep calm under fire and have a good sense of direction. I can read maps just fine. I have no problem striking up conversations with strangers. I make friends easily. I am physically strong, agile, and beautiful. Seriously, I am a gem and I don’t know how I ever doubted it before.

Hostel experience so far:

The hostels I’ve stayed in are so varied! The first one, Euro Hostel! Glasgow, was pretty basic. People were friendly (because it was Glasgow), there were 12 beds equipped with lockers, and everyone was more or less friendly to each other. I had some great conversations and went out traveling with one person there. The next hostel in Edinburgh seemed crazy to me at the time! It was a party hostel with a huge international base. Mostly spanish speakers, very cliquey, many groups, lots of long term foreign nationals and citizens working in the city and staying there because it’s cheap, one group of guys got evicted and were looking for housing - so much variation and ultimately where I made the best friends. I thought it was crazy and couldn’t wait to leave because there was too much late night noise, the spanish speakers and groups of australians intimidated me because they seemed too cliquey and snobbish. However, once I arrived at the Inverness Youth Hostel, I wanted to be back at Budget Backpackers immediately. SYHA Inverness was a terrible match for me. Reception was not friendly, the atmosphere felt controlled and stifled, and their strict alcohol policies made it seem like the anti-fun crusade had it’s headquarters there or I was suddenly booked into cloisters. At this hostel, 11 weeks of sober contemplation on a small Scottish island with a bunch of Christians seemed like a terrible, terrible idea. What on earth have I decided to do? I’m much too much of a party person for this.

Outwardly Christian?:

I did a social experiement while I was here. I wore a cross around my neck. I never wear a cross in the States. I rarely talk about my experience with religion and when I do, it’s usually in abstractions. “Oh, I was raised Christian. My mom is a priest.” It makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Since I’m going to Iona to find my own connection to God and ultimately discover if I’m really as Christian as I think I am, I decided I would also wear a cross to see if I’d like it.         I hate it.  I thought it would be easy but there are so many days when I could not wear it. I hate being marked and instantly categorized by others. I’m hit with much of the same skeptisicm that hurt and scared me at Simon’s Rock or people walk up to me and start talking about how they can’t wait to take their kids to America to see the replica of Noah’s Arc and how dare I question the literal interpretation of the Bible and don’t I believe in Jesus and if I did how could I not take the Bible literally? There’s historical evidence of his existence! (That happened today.) It feels like a weight and I’m constantly aware of it in the back of my mind. At this point, I wear it just so I don’t ruin the chain but I’m thinking of taking off the cross itself and keeping it somewhere safe. It’s a beautiful cross with much sentimentality and importance (I received it at my Confirmation) but I have always kept my deep feelings about religion private and wearing the cross is violating that for me. I feel like I should be a fanatic and I think people perceive me that way as well.

Packing:

I feel that I have too much stuff. I think, honestly, I packed really well and have the right amount of things for 3 months but it still feels like much too much to be hauling around between hostels. Both my suitcase and backpack are stuffed to the brims and very heavy. Lugging it all around Scotland has been physically demanding to say the least. I keep trying to see what I can pare down and send back home, but I have a reason for everything. It’s just not being held in the best container. Ultimately, next time I think I will either have a bigger rolling suitcase and have less in my backpack OR just put everything in my camping backpack and maybe have a tote bag that either collapses so I can just use it for day -use or use it like a purse with all my need-to-be-accessible items like wallet, passport, book, pen, journal, hanky. Also, less sweaters! Global warming is real and it’s hit Scotland too. People really hyped me up about how cold it is here and honestly, it has been warmer than New York. One or two chilly nights and some brisk days but nothing that was impossible to handle. I wouldn’t bring my big coat either, it’s too bulky for travel. I brought the right amount of shoes. I wish I brought less toiletries but I’m not sure how I would have felt about that once I got here. I’m not 100% sure exactly how to do it differently, but I have some good ideas to try. I want elegance and ease of carrying. Right now, both items are so heavy that it’s awkward and taxing and feels unnecessary. This feeling is congruous with my attitude about ALL the stuff I possess. When I moved into my next apartment, I’m going to get rid of a lot of stuff as I unpack. I feel burdened by my possessions. I want to be able to travel lightly and at a moments notice. Even if I never do again! I want to be ready for it. Because, let’s be real, I’ll definitely do it again. and again. and again.

[hannahmhancock]

The Space Between

Frustrated. Waiting. Stagnant. Impatient. Confused. Worried. Anxious. 

If any of these words have ever described you in your lifetime, I encourage you to keep reading. 

Let’s read between the lines for a second. The space between the line of a page to the next is vast and open. Writers often use the space between to open up interpretation for the reader. The space between can cause a confusing, often arguement creating discussion. Some interpret the space between differently than others. Some see the space between as contradicting to the words on each line. Some see the space between as a time of waiting for the next line to give further detail to the story. Some see the space between as a frustrating pause or lack of knowing between lines or paragraphs. All are issues we find by reading the space between the lines, but if we look at the space between as a positive, we can learn to take it in for all its glory.

Yes, I am talking about the pause-filling, waiting-for-an-answer, stagnant time of life. 

Let’s look what phases the space between ensues.

First, you have waiting. Often for an answer, a sign, or just something to happen. In the times of waiting you cry out to the Lord for answers to the problems, answers on what to do, answers on what the future holds. But what does the Bible say about waiting? 

Psalm 27:13-14

13I am certain that I will see the Lord’s goodness, in the land of the living. 14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and courageous. Wait for the Lord.

Must be pretty important if David says not once, but twice to Wait for the Lord.

Again, Psalm 32:8

I will instruct you and show you the way to go; with My eye on you, I will give counsel.

Upon waiting, you probably grow frustrated, anxious, worried, or impatient. Why? Well because you want answers. In today’s society we are pressured to have it all figured out all the time, to constantly know what the next step is, to know where we’re going, to know who we are going to be with, and blah blah blah. This millennial generation in particular, myself included, can’t stand hearing the words “wait”, “be patient”, “no”, or “not now”. So we get mad, frustrated, anxious, that we will never be provided the answers we seek. 

Let’s look at Psalm 32:8

“I will instruct you and show you the way to go; with My eye on you, I will give counsel.”

Pretty plain and simple, right? But I know, this is easier said than done. 

Again we can look at Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths.”

Again, I know this is easier said than done.

Often what happens after a period of frustration, anger, anxiousness, etc, we can grow weary - to the point of being stagnant. We get tired of waiting to the point that we stop waiting. We get tired of the frustration to the point we stop being frustrating. We get tired of being anxious to the point we stop being anxious.

Now, I know you read that and it probably makes no sense. But let me explain myself: In the point of stagnancy, we stop pursuing the Lord. We stop waiting on Him. We stop praying. We stop reading. We take matters into our own hands, making decisions for ourselves, so we won’t have to wait, be frustrated, or be anxious anymore. We think that making this quick decisions for ourselves will stop all the negative feelings and ideas we’ve found by reading the space between. But let me tell you friend, the short term decisions for yourself will only cause a rude awakening down the road.

So, if you are like me, in the space between, what do you do?

First, be persistent in prayer. The power of prayer is far greater than you can humanly imagine. James says, “is anyone among you suffering? He should pray. Is anyone cheerful? He should sing praises. Is anyone sick? He should call for the elders of the church, and they should pray over him after anointing him with olive oil in the name of the Lord. The prayer of faith will save the sick person...”

The point of this passage is to emphasize the importance and power of prayer. 

1 John 5:14-15 say,

“Now this is the confidence we have before Him: Whenever we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. 15 And if we know that He hears whatever we ask, we know that we have what we have asked Him for.”

I could go on about how important communication with our Father is, but I think you somewhat get the point. 

My next piece of advise is be patient. 

Take a look at 2 Peter 3:9

“The Lord does not delay His promise, as some understand delay, but is patient with you, not wanting any to perish but all to come to repentance.”

As cliche as it is, the Lord’s timing is perfect, not yours. The Lord sometimes has us wait to teach us patience and trust Him. Other times he has us wait because it’s not the right time. Either way, practicing patience will create a lot less frustration during these times. And if you pray for patience, understand the Lord doesn’t necessarily give you patience, but rather opportunities to practice patience. 

My third and final piece of advise is to be steadfast. Basically the opposite effect of being stagnant. Another way to describe steadfast is unwavering. 

1 Corinthians 15:58 describes what a steadfast mindest looks like:

“Therefore, my dear brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the Lord’s work, knowing that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”

So why are these periods of the space between important?

My answer is this: These times generate and foster trust with the Lord, fellow believers, and honestly within yourself. These periods create endurance, fruit, and furthering your testimony for non-believers. 

Take a quick look at James 1:12 and 5:11

“A man who endures trials is blessed, because when he passes the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.”

5:11 “See, we count as blessed those who have endured. You have heard of Job’s endurance and have seen the outcome from the Lord. The Lord is very compassionate and merciful.”

The period of waiting has two sides to it: Jesus vs. Satan. When you allow Jesus to be the center of waiting, you allow yourself to grow spiritually, seeing life in a new light, whatever that may look like. But when you allow Satan to dictate this period of waiting, you lose sight of why you’re here in the first place: to make disciples of all nations. The Lord puts us in these space between the line times for pretty much a different reason every time. But He does so because He is preparing you for something great. Don’t forget that. If you don’t believe me, take a look at Habakkuk 1:5 “Look at the nations and watch - and be utterly amazed! For something is taking place in your days that you will not believe when you hear about it.” I don’t know what answers you are seeking, but I promise you if you take time in your day - everyday - to spend time with the Lord you will find your answer and better understand why you’re in the place you are.