#and when my doctor got the results today she sent me a message saying

[thelastspeecher]

yesterday I had my rescheduled-due-to-COVID shoulder appointments and I got to spend 20 minutes digging my car out (with help!) and drive through one of the worst winter storms I've seen in A While to get to them

bc like look were the roads horrible? yes. was visibility horrible? yes. did my workplace literally close and lock the doors? yes. but I was NOT gonna reschedule my appointments again for a little snow.

[kingmabry]

Dr. M. R. Krishnamurthi Iyer first came to Bhagavan in 1924. From a good family of Mondi in Thanjavur District, in 1933 he settled down in Tiruvannamalai, took a house in town, worked in the local hospital, and came regularly to the Ashram to see Bhagavan.

Known in the Ashram as the ‘town doctor’, Dr. Krishnamurthi became the first doctor of the Ashram Dispensary. Until 1942, he treated patients in a simple thatched shed before the new Ashram Dispensary was inaugurated. Though working much of the time, Dr. Krishnamurthi came to have Bhagavan’s darshan each Sunday at 2 pm, leading devotees to call him “Sunday Doctor”. Whenever he would arrive, Bhagavan would say, “Oh, today is Sunday.”

Healing Bhagavan

In the late 1930s, Bhagavan got an intractable case of the hiccups and it fell to Dr. Krishnamurthi to treat him. Having tried every imaginable medicine without result, he became nervous when he discovered Bhagavan’s weak pulse. Returning home, he went to bed full of worry about Bhagavan’s condition.

During the night, Bhagavan appeared to him in a dream: “Why are you weeping? Don’t cry. In the courtyard of your house there is a seendhikodi plant. Pluck some leaves from it, fry them in ghee and then pound them along with dried ginger and jaggery, make a ball of it and bring it to me. Don't worry.”

When the doctor awoke, he and his wife Subbalakshmi went out with a hurricane lamp and searched for the herb in the courtyard. Among a strip of bushes, they found the desired plant. Having made the preparation according to the dream’s instructions, he and his wife entered the darshan hall early in the morning and found Bhagavan sitting on his couch. Bhagavan swallowed the medicine. When they told Bhagavan of the dream, Bhagavan acted as if he knew nothing about it. The hiccups stopped within a few days.

Another Dream

Another incident in respect of Dr. Krishnamurthi’s medical treatments being influenced by dream under Bhagavan’s guidance was the case of a close Ramana family member who suffered a serious burn on the back close to the vertebra. The wound became septic and Dr. Krishnamurthi was deeply concerned that it was not responding to conventional treatment under the care of physicians in Chennai. Bhagavan appeared in Dr. Krishnamurthi’s dream and advised him to apply a mixture consisting of penicillin ointment, cod liver oil and civet musk (the fragrant glandular secretion of the South Indian civet — called punugu in Tamil). With this treatment, the infection cleared up immediately.

Subbalakshmi’s Dream

Mrs. Krishnamurthi first met Bhagavan with her husband during the Deepam festival in the early days of their marriage. Her husband would often run away to Bhagavan, leaving his young bride alone. At one point she became gripped by the terrifying thought that her husband might become a sadhu and

leave her altogether. The following night Bhagavan appeared in a dream, “Have no fear; your husband knows where his duties lie. Give up all worries.” She told her husband of the dream who narrated it to Bhagavan.

At that time the doctor was at the Ashram. When the message was sent to the Ashram about her condition, Bhagavan, who was reading the newspaper at the time, went into a trance. Simultaneously, Mrs. Krishnamurthi’s health was fully restored.

The Photo of Bhagavan

Another time there was a procession in town and Subbulakshmiammal saw the large picture of Seshadri Swami, they were carrying to the accompaniment of drums. She thought, “If only I had at home a similar picture of Bhagavan, I could offer pooja and garlands to him.” Not long afterward, there was a knock on the door. Someone with a large picture of Bhagavan was standing at the doorstep. The man said, “I come from the village of Polur. I am supposed to leave this photograph at your house. I am on my way to the Ashram but will return after having Bhagavan’s darshan.”

In amazement, Subbulakshmiammal took the picture inside, and immediately placed a garland around it and performed puja. When Dr. Krishnamurthi returned home, the children rushed out to greet him, “Father, Bhagavan has come to our house!” Krishnamurthi was likewise astonished and his wife said, “I thought you had sent the man.”

https://www.sriramanamaharshi.org/saranagati/Saranagathi_eNewsletter_October_2019.pdf

[sugarushsuga]

In Your Own Words - CH. 15

Genre/Au's: Rom-Com, fluff with bits of angst - Coworkers!AU; enemies to lovers; Journalist!AU

Paring: RM x Reader

Words count: 7.904

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Cursing; FLUFF;

Tigering: Mentions car accident; mentions of broken leg; mentions of blood; heavy make-out (no smut tho)

Synopsis: After graduating your dream was to become a journalist and work to one of the biggest magazines in the country. But that pretty dream does not translate perfectly to reality. The magazine is on verge of bankruptcy, great journalists are moving the rival magazines and not being replaced, your boss is a jerk who doesn't even know your name. Fate seems to be toying you around to its own pleasure, can you take control of your life and achieve your dreams, or you are going to be carried away by fate's plans?

Author note: Once again sorry for the delay on the posting today. I’m already going to edit and schedule next week’s chapter then finish the last chapter of the fic, edit and schedule them all. I’m so excited!

This fanfic follows the world of the Brazilian production Procura-se um marido series. I do not own the series or original content.

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Sabrina calls you terrified, ready to leave Seokjin at the farm and get on the first bus home after reading the message you have sent her telling about Hoseok's accident. But you manage to convince her it wouldn't do any good. Your brother is out of danger, and she might as well enjoy the weekend with her boyfriend and visit him afterwards.

Lorena is perched awkwardly on the bed so as not to touch your brother's injuries. Hoseok is laughing at something she is saying. You watch the scene. Strange how a situation as bad as the accident can result in something good like their marriage.

"What are you laughing at?" You ask, tucking your phone into your jeans pocket.

“You have no idea how relieved I was when I woke up and saw this hardware around the leg. If it was plaster..." you laugh with him. You know what he is thinking. Hoseok continues telling the story to Lorena.

“I was about eight years old. I woke up in the hospital with a broken arm, and my father lectured me like that for going up on the roof after a Kite. Y/n had wrapped a towel around her arm, pretending it was a cast. Is it over there kept bothering the nurse, insisting that she needed a bed too. And she only calmed down when the doctor examined her and said that she was in very bad shape, and she needed to eat chocolate to heal."

"And I'll agreed really quickly," You agree, laughing.

“Then I was released, and we went back home, and the brat thought she had to take care of me. She brought me food, let me choose channels on the TV. It was irritating! I wanted to go out and play on the street, but I couldn't because of the cast, and I got pretty upset. Then, one afternoon, I slept on the couch and Y/n took some pretty colored markers... What in her definition were pink, purple, and blue..."

"And they were pretty!" You object.

"And made thousands of little flowers all over my cast, to cheer me up." Your brother completes. Lorena burst out laughing and shakes her head, looking at you.

"Hoseok didn't come out of the house for weeks," You teel her. "And in my defense, I want to make it clear that I was only six years old."

“She was annoying at that age, and she still is today. And she was so cute too small... Not that it's much different now. She was always beautiful" Hoseok mumbles awkwardly. "I couldn't stay mad at her for more than two days. I never did."

Someone knocks on the door. You get up with your heart racing, but it isn't Namjoon. It's the nurse with a tray of medication. She jabs the syringe in the rubber of the serum plugged into Hoseok and turns off the lights, leaving them on just the sconces next to the door. Lorena pulls one of the chairs closer to the bed, but your brother doesn't like it.

"There's a son of mine in there, babe girl. You can go stretch out on the couch. I'm fine."

"But Hoseok..."

"Please, Lorena, you need to take care of our baby."

A little annoyed, she settles herself on the couch, and, perhaps because of the flush of adrenaline earlier or due to the variation of the pregnancy hormones, falls asleep in ten minutes.

You take the chair next to Hoseok and looks for a comfortable position, keeping your eyes locked on the hospital bed, to make sure he keeps breathing. The leather creaks under you, and Hoseok shoots you several slanted as you try to straighten yourself out. You shift position, folding your legs underneath you.

“Oh, for God's sake!" groans your brother, stretching out his good arm for you to get closer. "Come closer, but I'll throw you away if you drool on me."

You rest your head on his healthy shoulder. "To drool, I'd need to sleep, which won't happen, since you snort like a pig." But you don't move, you just stay there, still, leaning against your brother.

A few minutes later, he strokes your hair. “Thanks for taking care of her,” he murmurs. "Lorena freaks out easily."

“Not without reason. You did the right thing, Hoseok. You will be very happy together."

"I know. I love this woman. And... love you too."

You lift your head, eyes widening. "Oh my God! I'll get the doctor. You must have hit it hard with the head to get all mellow like that."

"Don't be an ass!" But he is smiling.

“I love you too, Hoseok.” And you snuggle even closer to him.

Okay, your brother isn't an idiot all the time.

You keep your eyes closed and end up smiling when, moments later, his snoring fills the room. You try to wait for Namjoon to come back, but tiredness gets the better of you and, when you open your eyes again, it is already day. Your brother is kind of leaning on the bed, having oatmeal feed in his mouth.

“Finally, Y/n,” Grandma say, taking another spoonful and feeding your brother's mouth. "You still sleep like a baby, you haven't even woken up with Vladimir's shouting."

"Leave her be, grandma," Hoseok says with his mouth full. "Y/n slept badly on that chair."

"You need to stop trying to protect your sister from everything, Hoseok. She has to learn to walk alone."

"I'm not protecting," he objects, making a face that makes you laugh.

He is fine and, right after breakfast, he is taken in for further examinations, whose results are more than encouraging. The doctor assures that the worst has already passed and that you can breathe a sigh of relief.

You are a little disappointed that Namjoon didn't keep his promise, but also relieved. You could imagine how your grandmother would dissect it.

"Did you see the accident in the cards?" You ask grandma during lunch at the cafeteria.

"No. Lorena called telling me. It was dawn. We got here when your friend was leaving."

"Namjoon? He returned? Oh, damn it! And saw me drooling over Hoseok? Why didn’t he wake me up?"

“He said you needed to rest. Was worried to see you all crooked in the chair, but I didn't want to disturb you. Hoseok didn't want too either. I spoke a little with him. That Namjoon of yours is a good boy." She bites her sandwich.

Shocked, you swallow a bite of your sandwich at some cost. “He's not mine. What did you talk about?"

"About you." She runs a delicate hand over her pale green skirt, getting rid of crumbs. Her bracelets jingle like bells.

"About what exactly, Grandma?" Oh please, not about the sharpie story. Please!

“He was just worried. Told me how you were after you found out about the accident, that you hadn't eaten much and made me promise that I would make you eat when you wake up. And I'm keeping my promise. Eat, darling."

You hesitate, looking at your grandmother expectantly. "You didn't say anything to him about what you saw in the cards, did you?"

"Of course not." But you aren't so sure, since one of the corners of her lips lift slightly.

The day goes by and, when you find yourself, the night is already pouring out its shadows outside. It is a blessing to hear your brother complaining that he wants to take a real shower and begging to be taken to the bathroom. Grandma is patient and explains, like a zealous mother, that he can't not stand up yet and that he will have to use the urinal. She will spend the night with Hoseok, as well as Lorena, so you were let go.

"But I have nothing to do at home," You object.

"Yes, you have. To sleep. You look like a zombie, Y/n,” Hoseok scoffs. "That was close. But it takes more than a bus and a van to send me from this to the better on. Go home, little sister."

"But I can't leave! You scared me to death, and I thought that I would lose you and..."

“Don't start fresh now." But he smiles. "You do have your life, and I'm fine. Grandma Cecilia will make sure I don't get out of this bed."

"I'm really going, even if it's by force, boy!" She speaks from within the bathroom, where she finished preparing, under the indignant protests of the nurses, a poultice of herbs for Hoseok's wounds.

"See? Besides, you look more broken than I do. That chair doesn't look very comfortable. You grumbled most of the night."

"I don't care about that, Hoseok."

“But I do, and so does Namjoon. He was worried about you. You know, I've been thinking, and I've come to the conclusion that he's not a bad guy. Talked a little with him this morning."

Ah, every woman's dream: her whole family talking to the guy with whom she had an affair while she is unconscious.

"It's just like you to say he's a nice guy, now that we are not together anymore."

"Oh, wait. I never said he's cool. Said he's not bad."

You roll your eyes. Hoseok shakes your hand.

“But I'm serious, little sister. I like the way he cares for you. He wants to protect you, and that's what every big brother wants."

"What did you talk about?" You want to know.

“About the accident, basically. Don't worry, I didn't scare the guy. Now go home and give me some peace of mind. I don't like to see you broken like this."

"Okay, I'll go. But tomorrow I'll be back, and you better get better, or I'll bring some plastic flowers to decorate all these pins."

"Call me as soon as you set foot home."

"Okay." You lean over him and kissed him on the cheek. "Good night, Hoseok. Get well."

You tense muscles throb begging for rest as soon as you park the car in front of your building. You drag yourself up the stairs, feeling the last drops of adrenaline disappear and exhaustion overtake. Cursing Sabrina at every step for choosing a building without an elevator. You call Lorena's phone from there, letting her know you are at home, and is relieved to hear, in the background, Hoseok arguing with grandma for some reason.

You almost cry with relief as you cross the long, wide hallway of the third floor in search of door 332. Your house has never felt more cozy. You have the key in your hand when the door behind you opens.

“Hi,” Namjoon says.

He is all dressed up—or dressed up enough for him—in jeans and Star Wars black t-shirt. He doesn't seem to have gotten out of bed or be about to go lay.

"Are you going out?" You ask.

"More or less." He closes the door behind him, trapping Yeotan inside. "How is Hoseok?"

"Fine thank God. He took new exams. He should be released tomorrow."

He nods, approaching. “I went to the hospital yesterday after I got out of the magazine, but it was late, and you were asleep."

“I heard." You opened the door but does not enter.

"I thought about going over there today or calling you, but I didn't want to get into family's matters. Since you didn't call me, I figured everything was fine."

“It was."

"That's good, I'm happy." But he doesn’t look happy, he looks... about to explode for some reason. And, in a way, he does. "What did you want say, Y/n?" he asks, distressed.

"What did I want to say when?" You ask cautiously. You aren't sure the content of the conversation he had with your grandmother or with your brother. His question could have a thousand meanings.

"There." He takes a folded sheet of paper from his back pocket, handing it to you. It is your printed email. That last one. And the words “I'm sorry” bounce off the page. “What do you regret, Y/n? To have met me? Have kicked me? Playing cat and mouse? what did you want to say?"

You close your eyes and takes a deep breath. "Namjoon, I have so much to tell you, to explain, but I'm exhausted, I need a shower, something to eat and..."

“Alright, I wait."

And with that, he pushes you into the house. Closing the door, Namjoon picks up your bag, throws it on the coffee table, and continues pushing you towards the bathroom.

"You mean you're going to wait here?" You ask, horrified.

“It's past time we have this conversation. I know your day was exhausting and... scary, but I'm going crazy, Y/n. Go take your bath, I will wait here."

"But Namjoon..."

"Please, Y/n! For pity, charity, or whatever you want to call it, take your shower, eat something, but talk to me." He runs his hand through his hair, takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. Frustrated. Very Frustrated. "I know the timing is bad, but I need to understand what's going on, or…I'll freak out. One minute you want me, the next you say no. Say one thing, but do another. I've never met anyone so…incoherent. I need you to explain this game to me. Please!"

"I take a long time in the shower."

“I'll wait as long as it takes."

"Probably the hot water will make me limp and I'll end up snoozing while we talk,” You warn, hoping he will back away, and you can have this chat when you are aware of everything that is going to come out of your mouth.

"I'll take that risk."

A bit annoyed, you grab a pair of pajamas from the bedroom and goes to the bathroom. About fifteen minutes later, you are showered, your hair dripping on your back and skin flushed from the heat of the water and feeling sore in several points. You find Namjoon on the couch, legs apart, elbows on knees, hands clasped, fingers drumming impatiently. He examines you from head to toe before shifting his eyes to his own hands.

"I made you something to eat." He indicates the plate on the coffee table.

You examine the dubious-looking food. The orange juice is easy to identify, and you think that one day those scorched squares covered in bright red goo were slices of bread. You get emotional. It is the first time he cooks for you.

"Thank you, it looks delicious." You sit down and grab some toast. It's a little bitter, but the raspberry jam disguises the taste well.

“I'm terrible in the kitchen. Sorry." He gives you a sad smile. “You don't need to eat it. Want me to order a pizza?"

“No. I want the toast." You take another bite.

No man had ever bothered to cook you a meal. You will eat what he offers you even if it tastes like cardboard. Finally, you understand why Bea tolerates Taehyung's culinary experiences with that smile glued to her face.

“You look very tired."

"And I am." You take a few sips of juice under his determined gaze and go for the second toast.

Namjoon lets out a long breath and stands up. “Sorry, I… wasn't thinking straight. I think I can wait some hours longer. People talk about..."

"Wait." You wipe you mouth on the back of your hand and drinks the rest of the juice before taking a deep breath, building up courage. "Stay with me."

The confusion and surprise on his face makes you blush.

"Do you want me to spend the night here with you?" he asks cautiously.

You nod, wringing your fingers frantically. "I don't want to be alone and... you... calm me down, I feel more..."

“No need to explain, Y/n. I'll stay."

You let out a long sigh of relief. "Thanks."

After an embarrassing moment, in which the silence is broken only by the sound of your breathing, he asks, indicating the plate in front of me: " You're done?"

"Yea."

He stretches out his arm. "So, come. Let's go to bed."

A tremor reverberates through your body, but you accept the extended hand. Namjoon helps you put the mattress on the bed after you make sure nothing else drips from the ceiling. Then he takes the bucket to the laundry area. Meanwhile, you change the sheets. He returns at the moment you are getting ready to stretch the duvet over the mattress.

"I'll do it," he offers quickly.

He fumbles a little, but he stretches the piece until it is smooth and perfectly positioned on the mattress. Then he lifts one of the corners for you to lie down on. Once you are settled, he covers you. Then Namjoon rounds the bed, takes off his shoes and glasses, placing them on the nightstand, turns off the light, and lays down next to you, facing you.

"Come here, Y/n." He pulls you closer, hugging you. You bury your nose on his neck, feeling his delicious aroma permeate you, the heat from his body warms your cold skin. Namjoon blows out a breath with force a mixture of tenderness and frustration, and it makes your chest ache.

“Sorry,” You mutter into his neck.

"Because? For being honest?"

“I wasn't honest, I was immature. I was furious with you and ended up talking the first bullshit that crossed my mind. On Saturday I told you things that didn't want to say. And I'm sorry about that. Nothing I said is true. It is not anymore, at least. I just wanted to... hurt you, just like you had hurt me."

He moves away and you think he's going to leave you there, but he just reaches for the lamp. You blink at the unwanted light and takes a moment to adjust the view. When it goes back to normal, you find his face practically glued to yours. Namjoon looks exhausted too, but there is that expectation glowing in his brown irises.

"How so?" he asked, anxious and hopeful.

"I didn't like knowing that you and Delilah were alone in my grandmother's,” you confess, embarrassed. "I didn't like it at all, I was furious and... I went after you to find out what was going on. I entered the house through the kitchen, and I heard you talking about me. I heard everything."

"And by 'everything' you mean…" He stops, stiffening to your side, waiting for you to continue.

“I heard you tell her we were just friends. And when she asked if you wanted me, I also heard you saying... no."

He stares at you, stunned, and opens his mouth to speak, but you raise your hand in supplication and you rest it on his chest. “I didn't mean to spy… much." Your face burns. It would be so much better if he turned off that damn light. "I turned around and was on my way out when I tripped over something. And the rest of the story you already know. And, okay, Namjoon. I understood. You're not in the mood for commitment right now, and you're right. You just got out of a relationship, you shouldn't jump into another one that fast. But you care about me. And I know you enjoy being with me... part of the time, at least. And, you know, we don't have to assume a relationship, I mean, we can just..."

"Hey! Wait!" He interrupts you. “You're going too fast. I hurt you for saying I didn't want you, was that it?"

You look away from his shirt. Warm fingers touch and lift your chin, but still, you can't look at him.

"Look at me, Y/n."

You can't. You fear that looking into his eyes, they'd shine the way it always happens when you are this close, and with that you'll lose the logical reasoning and do something stupid. Like saying you are in love with him.

“Look at me, please. Look at me and tell me what you see."

Hesitantly, you dare to stare at his face for just two seconds before facing his shirt again.

“I see a handsome man,” you mutter.

"Is that so?" The surprise in his voice almost makes you laugh. "With glasses and everything?"

“Especially with them,” You admit. “You are the only man on the planet who manages to look good wearing that hideous thing. Well, you and Clark Kent, but since he doesn't exist..." He laughs, still holding your face.

“And what else do you see?" You peek again, ready to look away, but he stops you. “Don't run away, my angel. Look at me."

As soon as you lock eyes with him, you feel unable to escape. They are loving and, at the same time, contain something sinful, hot.

"What do you see, Y/n?" he insists.

“A beautiful man with incredible eyes,” You sigh.

"And what do you see inside them?"

"I-I think... tenderness."

He shows a half-smile. "What else?"

You swallow hard. “There's a good bit of madness too."

“That's right, angel." He caresses your cheek with his thumb the smile grows. “It's going very well. Please continue."

"L-looks like there's something burning inside them." And, oh they send sparks straight to your core.

“They burn. Every time I look at you. I know you've seen them like this before."

Helplessly, you nodded.

"So," he continues, "I'm here wondering how you can you think, for just a minute, that I don't want you?"

"I told you! I heard you saying that..."

"That I didn't want to own you!" He interrupts you. "I don't want that. I want to be your partner, your companion, to be everything to you, but I want you to stay with me because you chose. I want you to decide to belong to me, not to take possession, as if you were an object. I want you to want me just as sickly and crazily as I want you. And oh Y/n, believe me, I want you."

And with that, he brings his lips down to yours. Your hands are tangled in his hair, perhaps because it is strange to see them tamed like that, you don't know... The fact is that you need to hold him close to you, bring him closer, and the thought that you will never let him go again is so intense and determined that it scares you, takes your breath away, leaves you trembling.

Terrified by the idea, you try to release it, but your fingers rebel, and, when he nibbles your bottom lip and then slides his tongue inside your mouth, you give up and surrender to the kiss, to Namjoon, forgetting everything, who you are, where you are, what he is. All that matters is that he is kissing you, sucking your sanity with every caress, returning passion and tenderness with every movement.

“I don't want anyone else, Y/n. Only you,” he mutters into your mouth, rolling over you, his hand slowly moving up your belly.

"Oh, Namjoon!" You sigh under his lips. “Don't tell me that." You grab his shirt, twisting the fabric between your fingers to get rid of it. "Please, don't make me feel special like this."

The soft laughter against your skin shakes your already fragile common sense. Namjoon separates from you only to finish what you have started, taking off his t-shirt in one quick motion.

"You are special. I have no way to change that."

He kisses you again, threading his fingers through the hem of your shirt. You raise your arms in a brazen offer, and he accepts without hesitation. You've done this a few times before, and you know every curve and muscle well, every angle of that perfect body. But none of the times that you were together was this way, so sweet and so…disturbing. The fact Namjoon's not taking his eyes off yours is both intense and delicate, and it is hard not to catch what they are telling you.

He undresses you first, caressing you in the right places—and the wrong ones too, and even those feel right—before taking off his jeans. Naked your skin sticks to his, and you feel goosebumps starting on your toes and they go to the back of your head, bristling everything in their path. When he puts his body over yours, his muscles are taut, that part of him investigating, searching… You close your eyes, arching your hips to meet his wanting that union, which always makes you feel complete.

“Open your eyes, Y/n,” he whispers, not allowing you to reach him.

You obey immediately. He is serious, focused, and sexy as hell with his broad shoulders hovering over you. Looking up, taking in every feature of his beautiful face, you get lost when reaching his eyes. So, Namjoon moves precisely and bringing you together.

Slowly and deeply.

You resist the urge to squint and lose yourself in the sensations. Something greater than carnal pleasure is taking place there. He starts to move,

without ever taking his eyes from yours. Physical pleasure mixed with feelings, and something great, which starts in your chest and spreads through your whole body in seconds, it takes your breath away. The fire in Namjoon's face is the trigger, to decimate any trace of sanity in you.

He wraps an arm around your waist, lifting your hips a little. Hugging his neck, you try to keep yourself in place, as his thrusts grow stronger, longer, impossibly deeper, as if he is trying to merge with you forever. And, in a way, he is succeeding. You have the impression that you'll never be able to get Namjoon out of your heart again.

You stretch an arm across the sheets, looking for something to hold on to, in an attempt to keep yourself on the planet and in that bed. Since you feel you are taking off, and in any moment, you'll float towards infinity. A big warm hand captures yours, curling up the same way your bodies do. The long fingers press against yours, face twisted with pleasure and something else. His chestnuts eyes remain locked in yours, two glowing embers that invite you to enter and see his soul and everything that is going on inside him.

What you see there makes a myriad of emotions in you swell until it becomes greater than you, subjugating yourself. You pour it all out with a hoarse cry. Your lips are captured by Namjoon, as if he can't stand the idea that it would be lost in the air. He shudders, squeezing you tight, exploding inside you.

Namjoon let his head drop, burying it in your neck, breathing with difficulty, his fingers still laced with yours. With your free hand, you touch his soft hair, damp with sweat, and you wonder why you can't stay like this, with him in your arms, for, let's say, forever...

Oh yeah, because you haven't told him how you really feel.

“Namjoon,” You call, your voice still hoarse and your breathing ragged. "I think I... I'm... I didn't mean to, didn't plan, but I...” You swallow, not knowing how to finish the sentence.

“Alright, angel." Kissing your shoulder, he raises his torso and props himself up on one elbow, so his weight doesn't crush you and stare at you with eyes on fire. "I'm too. Much longer than I could realize."

"No, you're not!"

"No?" He laughs, his forehead creasing.

“Not like me. I... I lost all common sense! I can't think of anything else, just you and... Seriously, Namjoon! Don't smile like that!"

"Excuse me." He tries once, twice, but he is unable to stop himself. The huge smile, satisfied and somewhat amused, does not fade and seems to increase. “You look like a scared little girl."

"I'm scared! I've felt this way before, but…” You shake your head. "No, it was never like this, not with all this… madness. I..." You rub your face with your free hand and watch him.

He is just as confused as you are.

"Do you want to know why I broke that damn cup at my grandmother's house?" You continue, speaking quickly so as not to lose courage. "I didn't want to know your future. There, that's it. I didn't want to know what fate drew for you. I broke the cup because I couldn't bear to know that... that I wouldn't be part of it."

You avert your eyes to his broad neck. His pulse is still accelerated, chest still expanding with short breaths.

"Y/n, look at me." Reluctantly, you obey. The fun on his face giving way to seriousness. “If you let me, I'll make you happy. Very much. Not only

because you deserve it or because I want it more than anything else, but because I need to see you happy. It's like I depend on it to breathe." Two fingers run down your cheek. "You have no idea how much power you have over me Y/n. You may not be mine, but I am already yours, all yours. I choose you."

"Namjoon..."

"I'm not finished yet." He interrupts you, with a pleading expression in his face. “You don't know how helpless I felt in the flower episode. And before that, with that wedding invitation... It broke me in half to see you crushed on the stairs, curled up, as if you wanted to disappear. And the most painful, is that it made me realize how small and useless I am, when you received the phone call from your brother's accident. So scared, so hurt, so alone..." He closes his eyes, shaking his head. "I never want to see you like that again. I will never let anything hurt you like that again."

“How can you promise that?" You ask, stunned by the speed of the beats of your heart. "How can you promise something you can't control?"

“I can't stop bad things from happening. I know I can't protect you from the world, but I can and will be by your side no matter what. To bear your pain, listen to you if you need to, save you from a killer bouquet..."

You end up laughing, and he kisses your lips lightly.

"I really want to believe you, but I don't know if I can," You reveal. "You just got out of a relationship, and soon you'll realize..."

He stops you from continuing, putting his index finger on your lips. “I already realized, angel. Want you."

“So, you've forgiven me for the things I said on Saturday?" You ask with a sigh.

He takes your face in his hands, leaning in to kiss you, a splendid smile on his perfect mouth.

“I crawled into your bed without us talking anything out. What do you think?"

"That you don't know what you're doing." You yawn.

"Yes, I know. And I'll prove it to you until there's no doubt left in your beautiful little head. But now you need to sleep. You are almost shutting down." He rolls to the side and pulls you to him, until your back is against his chest.

“I'll never forget what you did for me yesterday." You lift your head for him to put his arm under it and lay on his biceps. "I will never forget how attentive and careful you were to me. As if I were to..."

He covers you with the sheet, kisses your neck and rests his head there.

"Too precious," he adds.

"That." You yaw again. “You said that once."

“And I'll say many more, since you don't hear what I say."

You don't remember fitting in someone else as well as you at that moment in Namjoon. It is like he is a lost part, an extension of you. And not only now, after satisfying your body and soul, but to really fit in, to be part of him and he of you, as if you are only one.

You don't have the strength for anything else, your eyes closed by their own, but a silly smile insist on curving your lips. You let out a satisfied sigh, and Namjoon chuckles softly in your ear.

“I love the way your body fits mine. You were made for me, Y/n,” he grumbles, echoing your thoughts.

A shiver makes you shrug your shoulders and press yourself even tighter against his hot chest. You are exhausted to the point of falling asleep, but before you wander off to the unconsciousness, you have to say something very important to him.

“I think I love you, Namjoon,” you whisper with your eyes closed.

The arms that hold you captive tighten even more, lips soft and warm touch the delicate skin behind your ear, the big hand looks for yours, his long fingers locked with yours, forming a tight knot.

“And I'm sure of it, angel,” he whispers in your ear.

You have every intention of asking what he means by that. if he is sure, you love him, or if he is sure he loves you, but the fatigue, physical and emotional, exhaustion speak louder. And you black out three seconds later.

The first time you wake up in Namjoon's arms is…warm. A muscular leg, resting on your hips, a hand is touching your left breast, chin resting lightly on top of your head. “Possession” is the word that crosses your mind.

You slip out of bed trying not to make any noise. Namjoon grumbles lightly and turns to the other side. So, you hurry to the bathroom, wearing his t-shirt on the way. You close the door carefully and almost scream at the sight of your reflection in the mirror. Your hair feels like a ball of yarn after having passed through the paws of a cat. Tufts pointing in all directions. There isn't a single strand in place. You abuse the water, trying to tame the hair and apply an absurd amount of cream to comb and kneaded the strands, which start to take shape.

You are just finishing brushing your teeth when the door swings open. Suddenly, and stumbling, naked, Namjoon scrambles across the cold floor.

“Good morning,” he grumbles, hugging you and kissing you lightly.

“Hi,” You grumble, smiling. “I didn't run away."

"You are very brave," he points proudly. "But that bed is very cold without you."

“I need to go to the hospital, Namjoon."

He presses his mouth to your forehead, then releases you.

"I know. I will take you." He stops in front of the toilet, lowers his head, and that unmistakable sound fills the room. Is he...?

Oh, he is. With you in there!

You are getting ready to sneak out, but he says: “I want to take you somewhere today. A party. If your brother is okay, will you agree to accompany me?"

He finishes what he is doing, flushes the toilet, and goes to the sink to wash his hands.

"What kind of party?" You ask, somewhat stunned.

“A family reunion, and I really want you to come with me. Which of theirs is yours?" He points to the cup with the toothbrushes on.

"The blue one."

He laughs.

“I don't even know why I asked." And unceremoniously takes possession of your toothbrush. You look at him, astonished at his lack of manners. Or excess of intimacy.

"What's it?" he asks with a mouth full of white foam.

"Nothing." You shake your head. You had more pressing matters to think about than Namjoon imposing himself that way. "This party... your parents are going to be there?"

"Eh." He spits, rinses his mouth, and dries it on the towel. Some lint stuck in the stubble. “My parents and some of their friends. It's their wedding anniversary. Thirty-eight years."

It's cool. It's ok to use the toilet with you in the bathroom and it's ok to use your toothbrush as if you are that close, but meeting his parents is asking too much.

“Oh… I don't know if it's a good idea."

"It is. Besides, if you don't go, I won't have anyone with less than sixty years to talk to."

“Namjoon, your parents will be there!"

"I thought I had already clarified that point." He laughs, slipping the shower door and turning on the shower.

"I'm talking about your parents! Those people who probably expect to see you with Alexia, your wife, not with me."

He shoots you an angry look. “For the last time, Y/n, Alexia was never my wife. and I would appreciate a lot if you didn't keep bringing someone else into our relationship all the time."

"But I can't..."

"Of course, you can." He stands in front of you, holding your wrists and lifting them over your head, then taking off your shirt.

"If I was able to survive a similar situation at your cousin's wedding, you will be too. Unless you don't want to go for another reason."

"What do you mean by that?"

"That you don't want to appear with me in public because you don't have the intention of having a serious relationship with me." He speaks all this in a jokingly tone, but the apprehension in his eyes is real.

"It's not that." You cringe. "But it's just that... meeting your parents is...too soon! You just came out of a..."

“Here you go again,” he huffs, stepping into the shower and putting his head under the water jet. "You forget you also just got out of a long relationship, and that's not why I keep reminding you all the time, nor I hide behind this excuse."

“It's different, Namjoon. Jimin and I didn't live together. We just dated. Nobody expected us to get married. Not even me. You and Alexia lived in the same house until last month."

“It's been two months. And stop changing the subject! do you want to go or not with me at this party?" He runs his hand through the dark mass of hair, small drops floated around him. A waterfall running down his scarred abdomen, creating amazing designs. It is difficult to tear your eyes away.

“My brother might need me,” You snapped, swallowing hard and licking your lips.

"He has Lorena and your grandmother. I think he can survive a night without you, but that's okay. Let's go to the hospital and then we'll see that. Now stop looking at me like that, or I'll end up wetting the whole bathroom. Come here, Y/n."

You take a step forward, but stop, placing your hands on your hips.

“Hey, you're not the boss around here, you know that? Not everything boils down to a simple, Come here, Y/n."

“Well, it works most of the time,” he jokes.

"Well, it's not working now," You lie.

"Oh, no?" He arches an eyebrow and smiles in that languid way that makes your heart perform acrobatics in your chest. When he speaks again, his voice is pure honey and velvet, like a siren's song. “Come here, angel."

Oh, god... You go.

Two hours later, Namjoon and you had breakfast at the bakery across the street and you went to the hospital.

You hand over the suitcase with some changes of clothes and snacks you have prepared for Lorena. She enthusiastically thanks you. The reason for such euphoria is Hoseok's visible improvement. You find him already sitting on the bed, doodling on a pad. his face flushed, the bruises no longer contrasting with his skin so much, looking like the old Hoseok again, only with his leg stuck in a horrible cage. He smiles when he sees you, showing his chipped tooth.

"Shouldn't you be lying there moaning and complaining about the cruelty of the nurses?" You scoff.

He laughs. "I think so, but I'm too happy to sulk." Hoseok looks away glancing at the bathroom door where Lorena closed herself for a quick shower. "The doctor says I'll be able to leave today at the end of the day, at the latest tomorrow. There's nothing wrong with my head."

“Out of the usual, you mean."

"Hey dude?" He smiles at Namjoon. "I didn't think I'd see you here again."

"I wanted to stop by to see how you are doing." Namjoon pushes the glasses up with his index. "In case you get sick, and I have to hold you, those kinds of things."

“I knew you were going to fall in love with me, it was that punch, wasn't it? That made you fall for me?" He points the chair for Namjoon to settle in. He sits up, stretching his legs, crossing his ankles.

Lorena comes out of the bathroom at the same moment and looks at Hoseok sideways.

"You're not going to fight with your sister's boyfriend again, huh, Hoseok." She warns.

“Number one,” he begins, “Namjoon is not Y/n's boyfriend. Number two, I hit Jimin's ass because he needed someone to teach him not to make my sister cry. Number three, I'm the big brother. I don't need an excuse to kick any guy who plays my little sister." And with that, he raises an eyebrow, glaring at Namjoon.

Namjoon manages a smile and nods once, as if in agreement with Hoseok. You roll your eyes.

“What do you have, Y/n?" Hoseok asks.

"I? Nothing, why?"

He's studying you intently, frowning. Oh, damn, why did everyone decide to stare at you? Isn't it enough that Namjoon, does it?

"Yes, you do. You're different. It looks... I don't know, like you're glowing."

“It's the new shampoo,” you say without blinking.

You brother narrows his eyes. "What made you so happy?"

“If you had hair like mine, you'd understand."

Lorena covers her mouth with her hand, trying—and failing—to hide her laughter. Hoseok looks at her and back at you, then finally at Namjoon, who looks oblivious and keeps all his attention on your scorching face.

Hoseok frowns.

“You are going at my sister again, you son of a bitch?" he spits at Namjoon.

"Hoseok!" You yell, offended.

"I'm not going at your sister," Namjoon explains quietly, before Hoseok continues with his big brother attack. "I am trying to convince her to date me."

"What?" Hoseok's eyes widen, glaring at you. "How are you trying to convince? Are you playing the guy, Y/n? What's wrong with him, huh?"

"Hobi!" You moan again, blushing even more.

And what about you be playing Namjoon? You barely made up. And at no point he brought up the dating topic. How can you be sure if he really wants it or is he just saying what your stubborn brother wants to hear?

"The guy's not bad," Hoseok goes on. "I think he might be a good boyfriend for you. I don't want my sister doing naughty things around. Why the hell don't you want to date the guy when he wants to date you?"

“Oh, I also want to know. You match so much!" Lorena grumbles by your side. And you stare at her, the word “traitor” glowing neon on your forehead.

"I wouldn't mind hearing the answer." Namjoon clasps his hands behind his head, relaxed and satisfied. “I even invited your sister to meet my parents today, but she refused, made a thousand excuses."

You glare at him. “I'm going to kill you,” You warn Namjoon.

"No, you won't," Hoseok interjects. "You're going to meet the guy's parents today and, end of story. Or am I going to tell Namjoon some pretty embarrassing stories about you."

"You wouldn't dare..."

"Let me see, where do I start..." Your brother drums his fingers on his chin. "Oh! I remember a good one. Listen to this Namjoon, when Y/n was six, she swallowed one of my marbles. Of course, she didn't tell anyone at the time, until she started to turn purple, and I had to turn her upside down to unmount, only she had just finished lunch and when I squeezed her belly..."

"Cool! He wins!" You jumped off the couch. "I will go! I will meet the parents of my boyfriend. Now shut up, Hoseok, or you'll end up staying in the hospital for at least another week!"

"Excellent!" Hoseok flashes an idiotic smile, but turns his attention back to Namjoon, who just gives you a very satisfied nod.

You are going to kill them both!

"So, when I squeezed her belly," Hoseok continues, "the little marble flew far away, only that with it came a jet of pasta, which washed the carpet of the living room. She looked like the Exorcist's girl. I thought that the goo wouldn't ever stop to come out."

You drop onto the couch, burying your face in your hands.

"I hate you, Hoseok!"

“I know, little sister. Oh, and there's the pens too. This is best..."

Hoseok continues telling the embarrassing moments of your life, including some that you would rather die than remember, like when you were in sixth grade and was caught in the staff room trying to figure out the questions of the physics test. You always hated physics.

Namjoon laughs so hard he actually slumps in his chair. You are relieved to see the nurse comes in to bathe Hoseok. You are about to leave the room, but he calls you back.

“I don't want you to stay here. Grandma must be arriving. It's no use stay here,” he adds when you try to protest. "You were so shaken yesterday, and Namjoon seems to do you good. You will have fun. I won't go anywhere. Also, soon they will ask you all to leave anyway. I'm very much alive. In fact, I'd rather if you didn't stay too long in here. There are so many bacteria and viruses in the air, you could end up sick."

Your brother could have all the flaws in the world, but no one ever can accuse him of not having a big heart. He always worries about you, you think even more than your father. Hoseok will be a wonderful father, you are sure of it.

"I'm not five years old anymore, Hoseok," you said excitedly. "I don't get sick for nothing."

"For me you will always be five years old. Now get out of here. Go have fun, but if you need help, you know..."

"There will be a payback, do you hear?" You point a finger at him. "I won't forget the humiliation of today."

He rolls his eyes. "Humiliation? I did you a favor! Now Namjoon already knows the worst of your story, and if he's still here, it's because he fucking likes you. Oh! Don't you get drunk and embarrass me, huh?" He winks.

"Don't you hate not being an only child?" You ask Namjoon as soon as you join him outside the room.

He laughs. "Only when Bea is around. We can go?"

You nod and he puts his arm around your shoulder, leading you down the hall towards the elevator.

"Let's go home," he announces. “You're going to need to get some clothes."

"And then we'll trade your motorcycle for my car, shall we?"

"Of course not. Part of the fun is there, angel. I will transform your wish into reality."

You look at him, suspiciously.

“I don't remember saying I wanted to die at twenty-five."

“And you won't." He laughs and plants a kiss on your lips. "You are going to fly."

Ⓒ 2022 Sugarushsuga, do not copy, translate or repost.

[straycatboogie]

2023/07/21 English

BGM: Genesis - Invisible Touch

Today I worked late. TBH I had to go to the hospital this morning because I had been said by a doctor that I needed to check my health via my company's health check. Therefore I was really busy and couldn't write anything to my job coach. The result of re-checking was that "your blood sugar level is a little bit too high". But my father also needs to cure about this problem, so it can be the one of "heredity". I need not to eat and drink too much, and care myself more. After that, I went to AEON and spent my time at the food court until the beginning time of my work. I write a few papers for my company, and also read Shuntaro Tanikawa's poem collection. Tanikawa writes about the sky a lot. What kind of poetry can I write? The sky, the mountains in this town, the trees from the food court... Can I be able to write the one as Hiroshi Osada's impressive works someday? Of course, love songs or protest songs are great enough. But I want to write more charming poetry. Funny, and nonsense ones.

I started my work, and from 3 pm I met my job coach. I told her about the result of the re-checking soon (because it is also one of her duties as a job coach). We talked about the topic as how we should do when we meet hurtful people (who run away from me even though I don't care them). At that time, I saw out of the window. There is a vast sky, and also clouds. Looking at them, I thought that "Hurtful people are like that kind of 'weather'". Yes, the weather... which can disturb my life sometimes. But the weather is just the weather. My life has to be my life. That's all... I can separate my life from those people, and also "should do separating". Of course, I need to consider how to live my life with the weather, but I have a right to enjoy my life without the weather. The job coach also said to me that "They, the people who do their work with their personal emotion of love/hate can't be any pros". I'm glad to hear that... and also I thought that "Then, Am I a pro? Can I say that I am doing a pro's job". I have to look inside myself.

Indeed, this can't be the pro's work... but TBH during my night work, my mother had called me and I noticed that on my smartphone (after that calling). Of course, I worried a lot. What happened? My parents are already in their 80s. It can be natural that they got sick or they had to go to hospital as an emergency state... I sent her a LINE message soon, and she answered that "I called you because I thought you are alright". Oh my gosh. I thought someone fell down by this summer's heat... I got alright again. I remembered that we (my job coach and I) talked about my life, my way of living. My father has been worrying about me because I have been working as an irregular employee. He wants me to work as a regular worker at my company... but then, I need to learn how to drive a car, and also have to endure the pressure of more serious work. I like the current "easy" and "comfortable" life like a cat. I said to my mother that "I want to do talking on LINE because I can read your messages again. I MUST read your ones and answer". I want to tell them about my life at my parents' house.

Through that working time, I have been writing my notebook of KOKUYO. A really orthodox, cheap blue one. Today's one came from the hiphop of the N.W.A. At lunchtime of my late work days, I write my draft of my poem on the notebook. I just write it as a graffiti or an action painting. After that, I make it "cool down". And the resting time of the sunset time, I read it again. After re-writing it on the notebook, I make that rewritten version "cool down" again. After going back to my group home, I upload it on my blog. I have created this process. Indeed, I want to upload on any sited after writing it as soon as possible. But I believe that it is too rapid, therefore it is too rough. It would end as crap. Once I tried to complete writing a short novel one night, but not I want to try to complete every work of mine slowly, steadily. I guess time is on my side. I always have taken the time, therefore the relationship with my parents have started rebounded again. My life (without sober) has been built with the long time, too. I don't have to work so rapidly. I need a time to rest because I have worked without any day off in there five days.

A Manifesto

They said they have the attitude And also played a really great prelude Meanwhile, I was just an autistic old dude Though I was a cool guy who liked "Hey Jude"

Can you see my skin? It's a kind of pale pink Probably cause I've stayed a lot with a quiet think Without any romance with a woman with her mink I loved a girl a lot, but why? She had to wink

Now I have a dream to be an anarchist in JP A Japanese poet who comes from a land of vast sea My imagination flies into the sky and I'm really free

Indeed, I'm an outlaw. But you can't arrest me yet How do you think? This poem has its worth? You regret? I say this is just a manifesto. A debut of a poor poet

[idkguessiwillbloghere]

Blog Post #22

Feeling: Deeply depressed Weather: Cold Last thing I ate: Spaghetti Last thing I drank: Melatonin tea I quit my last job a month ago and I still don’t have a new job. I’ve applied places; all of the “no one wants to work anymore, we’re understaffed” whiners never return my calls or emails; they’re clearly just reaping government COVID relief finances. I wish I had the energy to report them directly to the state government. I’m sure someone out there is like “but people need those relief funds with inflation.” I say fuck you I need to work, we all do; we don’t get to be destitute and shat on for “being too lazy to work” at the same time. I’m also still trying to unsuccessfully process just how shitty people are in general. The most recent thing on my mind is I had a now former coworker (who has a knife-sharpening business on the side) fix one of my knives. My knife was custom-made, but because it was stored in a shitty leather pouch, it got moldy and rusted. It was all pitted and whatnot. When I gave him the knife to work on, I asked him how much it would cost me. He said nothing, but it would take ages to get it done because he had so many other orders to take care of. About seven months went by. I checked in once in a while, he kept saying he was still too busy. Eventually he said he was about to get to it. I asked him again if he needed me to pay anything. He said $20. Alright, would’ve been best if he said so from the start, but I meant what I asked, so I’m happy to pay it. But because this isn’t my first rodeo with shitty people, when he messaged me today saying it was done (and at THIS point, explaining that his style of fixing knives is “Wabi Sabi,” and “that’s why it’s a little uneven), I asked this question again as a test. This is someone I have been tempted to hang out with, I want to know who he really is. Guess what? He wants $40 now, unless I want more of the pitting taken out, then it’ll cost even more. I forgot to call the doctor office I worked at; as employees, our blood draws and other simple procedures are normally waived. But since my former boss now hates me, she is trying to stick me with the bill. I got a threatening letter from the organization that processes the blood draws, telling me I will be sent to collections and my credit score will suffer if I don’t pay them. I shouldn’t be paying them, the medical office should. Thankfully not everyone who works there is a shitstain; most people there like me. I called and left a message for the receptionist about the matter, I just need to call her back again. Which reminds me, my now second former therapist of the year put me in the ER, claiming I was going to kill myself that same night. He asked me, and I quote, “Are you going to kill yourself in the next two days?” I said honestly and plainly, “No.” He said, “I’m not convinced,” and proceeded to say that I either go to the ER right then, or he would call the cops on me. So ER it was. And the ER treated me like garbage, and were about to strip me naked, tie me to the bed, and take my phone away; I called my father, who’s a lawyer, he thankfully got there in time and every fuckface who was trying to pull some shit dispersed. Then, hours later, the psychology expert who I was sent there to see FINALLY showed up, talked to me for ten seconds, and was like, “O, you’re not suicidal.” And I was like yeah no motherfucking shit. But of course, I’m stuck with a huge bill from a visit that was medically unnecessary. The hospital did the whole dog and pony show of “We’re taking your concerns super seriously and we’ll let you know the results after our higher-ups review your concerns.” Obviously it ended with them sending me a letter telling me that they were 100% justified in their shit behavior and I need to pay them. Because that’s how capitalistic suicide “prevention” works. Ironically, it all just makes me want to die now.

The roommates I was going to have in Oregon had claimed they were looking for a house because their apartment lease was ending this December, and that I could come live with them when they got it. Of course, no house, renewed lease. That means that if I can’t secure a place to move to by March, when my lease is up, I gotta remain stuck here in a terrible environment for another year. I finally cleaned my fish tank. My crawfish and danio are much happier now. I’m tired. I’m going to bed.

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

my body is a cage.

ObNeSummary: Y/N’s worst nightmare has become a reality. Her only saving grace is that she doesn’t have to do it alone. 

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4,000+ [One Shot]

Warning: Feminist Issues, Adult/Mature Themes (NOT smut)

Y/N could feel her heart start racing faster as she studied the doctor’s office. Now she was starting to sweat as well. 

Her doctor were running late and that meant Y/N was stuck looking at the nondescript walls and smelling that sterile scent for 20 minutes. It felt like an hour. 

It was just a follow-up appointment. There was no bad news expected to be given. But that didn’t stop Y/N’s anxiety. 

Y/N finally gave up on trying to calm herself down through breathing and reached down to grab her cellphone out of her purse. 

There was a two text message notifications: one from her mom and one from Jason. 

She opened the one from Jason. 

– Good luck at your appointment today. Remember to breathe. 

Y/N smirked at the message. Jason knew how stressed out Y/N got for literally any type of doctor’s appointments. Even if it was just your usual checkup – like today – it caused her anxiety for some reason. 

Jason must’ve sent it right before passing out after patrol. 

Finally the doctor came in, making Y/N jump and almost drop her phone. She hid her scare well and quickly put her phone back into her purse. 

“Hi Y/N, so we finally got your blood work back,” she began. 

“Great. Will I be able to get a prescription and pick it up today?” Y/N asked quickly, wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible. 

“So one of the many reasons we get blood drawn before prescribing this medication is to make sure you’re not pregnant before going on it.” Before Y/N could speak, she quickly added. “You’re test results came back positive.” 

Y/N’s mouth opened at the statement. 

Her mind was going a million miles a second, trying to process what the doctor has just told her. 

When was the last time she had her period?

Why did it feel 20 degrees hotter in here all of the sudden?

This couldn’t be happening. No. No. No. This really couldn’t be happening. She tried so, so hard to make sure this didn’t happen. This was her nightmare. This was her fucking nightmare coming to fucking life. 

By some miracle, the doctor didn’t smile with joy and exclaim a congratulations. She seemed to sense that Y/N was on the brink of having an anxiety attack. 

“I remember you saying you did’t intend on ever having any kids, so I’m sure this is a lot to process,” the doctor told her gently. “Why don’t we hold off on this medication – even if it’s just for a couple of days? Just give yourself a second to process and come up with a plan.” Then she gave Y/N an encouraging smile. “When you want to make another appointment, I’ll make sure reception squeezes you in. Alright?” 

Y/N couldn’t do anything but nod – and even that was far too delayed. 

“Do you want me to call someone for you?” The doctor asked softly. 

But Y/N shook her head. 

When Y/N got out of the doctor’s office and back on the streets of Gotham, she seemed to snap out of it a bit. 

Her ears weren’t ringing any longer and the cold, winter air was doing miracles. 

‘Get to Jason,’ Y/N’s heart suddenly screamed at her. 

And just like that, Y/N went into autopilot, grabbed a cab, and gave them her address. As she watched the buildings go by, Y/N’s mind was simultaneously thinking a million things and thinking nothing at all. It was almost a buzz. 

When she got back to her apartment, the TV was on but the volume was off. Sometimes Jason would watch it after patrol and hope it would bore him to sleep. But her giant, vigilante of a boyfriend wasn’t sleeping on the couch, so that meant he was in their bed. 

Y/N toed off her shoes, tossed her keys on the side table by the door, and hung her denim jacket – no, Jason’s denim jacket – on the coat rack. 

She slowly pushed the bedroom door open to find Jason passed out on his side. His arm was reached over to the other side of the bed as if his body had searched out for hers in his sleep and came up empty. 

Y/N tiptoed to the bed and carefully slid into the empty side of the bed. 

Jason stayed asleep, meaning he must’ve been really exhausted. Usually her presence would stir him, even if it was just for a few seconds. 

Sometimes Y/N would come in here when she got back from work and take a cat nap with him before getting started on dinner or leaving to work out. Sometimes she would just cuddle with him, he would wake up and sleepily ask about her day while bringing her into his – even when she told him to go back to sleep. 

Now Y/N laid on her side and watched him sleep. 

Even when he looked exhausted and various scars were scattered across his face, Jason Todd was beautiful. 

And when he was sleeping like this, he looked so young. Y/N wondered if that was how Jason always looked to Bruce: innocent, vulnerable, forever young.

Y/N reached forward shakily and brushed the white streak of his hair off his face. His hair was getting shaggier than usually allowed. She wondered if he’d ask her to cut it again or if he’d finally listen to her and go to a barber. 

“You run your hands through my hair and I’ll be putty in your hands,” he mumbled with his eyes still closed. 

Y/N froze and stopped her combing, her hands shooting back to her chest. 

Her silence and pause made Jason’s eyes squint open. 

Those blue eyes of his were always perception, especially when it came to the woman he loved with all his heart. And as soon as they locked with Y/Ns, they immediately knew that something was wrong. 

His brow wrinkled. “You OK?” His voice laced with worry and concern.

Suddenly… Y/N’s mind and body were given the chance to release the reaction they wanted to have since the news was broken.

Her bottom lip trembled a moment before tears burst from her eyes. 

And then Y/N was shoving her face into her boyfriend’s chest. 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Jason consoled. “What happened? What’s going on?” 

But Y/N couldn’t even form words. She was fully hyperventilating. 

Her chest literally hurt as the sobs escaped. She was shaking as if it was freezing in the room, despite Jason’s body basically being her own personal furnace. And she felt like she was going to throw up at any second. 

Was that morning sickness? Or was the just good ol’ fashioned nausea?

Jason quickly realized he wasn’t going to get any verbal communication right now. So he just held her in his arms, letting her cry it out as he rubbed a hand up and down her back. 

But his mind was shuffling through all of the possibilities. 

Had someone hurt her? Did she get fired? Did a group of assholes catcall her on the way home? 

But none of those seemed like things that would upset Y/N in such a manner. 

“Breathe, Y/N. Take a deep breath,” he told her calmly as he kissed the top of her head. 

She barely gave a nod to show that she was trying to do what he advised. 

With her eyes wet and bloodshot from tears and her face swollen, Y/N finally pulled away from Jason’s chest so he could see her. 

“Deep breath,” he reminded her again gently. “Can you tell me what’s gotten you so upset? Can you do that for me?”

Y/N sniffled, really just to buy herself a second before she said it. 

“I’m pregnant.”

Jason’s body tensed. His eyes studied hers, looking for any sign that she was not being absolutely serious. 

“Fuckin’ Christ,” Jason muttered, now realizing why she’d had such a reaction. 

But then he quickly recovered, realizing that she still needed him because she was freaking the fuck out. Obviously. She just had a full-on panic attack in his arms. And she was probably moments away from possibly having another. 

“Hey,” he whispered. “Hey, look at me.”

She took in a deep breath and did as he asked. 

“No one is going to make you do anything you don’t want to. OK?”

She just stared at him. 

“OK?” He asked again, making sure she understood what he was telling her. 

She nodded. 

“I don’t want it,” Y/N exhaled. 

The words came out on their own, like she had no control over them. 

Jason winced, not at her statement, but because she sounded so desperate and scared. 

He gave her a sympathetic look and cupped her cheek. “I know, Y/N. I know.” 

Then he brought her back into his arms, holding her protectively, as usual – but protecting her from something he never had to before. 

“I know how you feel about it. I’ve always did,” he told her softly. “Just try to relax. OK?”

She nodded. 

Jason didn’t try to fill the silence. He didn’t try to say comfort after comfort. His touch did more things for Y/N then he words ever did. She needed to be held, not lectured or verbally coddled.

After a few moments, he looked down at her. “We can order from your favorite place, OK? Have a little movie marathon or finish watching that show.”

She gave him a small, shy smile at that.

“Sound good,” he asked. 

She nodded again. 

———

30 minutes later, Jason was scrolling the internet, researching Planned Parenthood locations while waiting for their takeout to get there. 

Y/N, exhausted from her emotional and mental breakdown, had fallen asleep a few minutes after telling Jason the news. 

Jason figured the least he could do is take the logistical weight off Y/N’s shoulders. All of this was happening to her and it was his fault. He knew she’d never frame it that way, but that’s how he felt right now. And he’d do anything to make it easier for her. 

But all of the sudden, the hairs on the back of Jason’s neck suddenly stood on end. 

The next millisecond, he grabbed the nearest hidden gun, shot to his feet, and pointed it at the window. 

“Relax, Todd.”

“Demon Spawn, what the fuck are you doing here?” Jason lowered the gun. 

To Jason’s annoyance, Damian jumped down from the window and into the apartment, dressed in his full Robin uniform. 

“When you texted about covering your patrol tonight, father asked me to check on you.”

Jason narrowed his eyes. “Liar. No, he didn’t.”

“So, why aren’t you on patrol?” 

“Y/N needed me.”

Damian’s body tensed. 

For as much of hard time as Damian gave Jason, he didn’t mind his girlfriend. However, the preteen would never admit to actually liking her or enjoying time spent with her. But the whole family saw it anyway. 

“Is she sick?” 

Jason just nodded, not really having the energy to compose a big lie. 

Then Damian caught sight of the laptop screen and saw what Jason had been researching. 

“Oh,” Damian blurted out without thinking. It was a very unusual reaction from him. He always had something to say.  

“Just…keep it to yourself, k?” Jason asked. 

The last thing he needed right now was Damian blabbing around about Y/N. 

But Damian nodded, not giving any further reaction to his discovery. 

———

“What’s Alfred the Cat doing here?” Y/N asked as she cradled the cat and walking into the kitchen the next morning. 

“Damian,” was all Jason provided.

Y/N laughed at his crypticness. “Did he need a cat sitter?”

Jason shook his head. “He came snooping when I told them I wasn’t going on patrol. And…Well, he’s Bruce’s kid, so you can imagine how quickly he put it together.”

Y/N’s amusement dropped when she realized what Jason was saying. 

“He brought some of human Alfred’s cookies for you, too.” Jason added quickly, maybe to soften the blow a bit. 

“That was sweet of him,” was all Y/N mumbled in return. 

“I think he was worried about you. Figured some cookies and cuddles from Alfred would make you feel better,” Jason explained. “Of course, he didn’t verbally express any of that because he’s emotionally constipated.”

Y/N managed to force a smirk at the joke. 

Silence filled the kitchen. 

“I made you an appointment today,” Jason told her gently. “Not that I’m trying to force you to do anything. You can cancel it if you want to. I was just trying to–”

“Thank you,” Y/N cut him off and dropped the cat to wrap Jason in a hug. “Thank you, Jason.” She repeated, mumbled this time, since her face was now buried in his chest. 

“Of course,” he told her before kissing her head. “Want some breakfast?”

He chuckled when he felt her nodding enthusiastically against him. 

“Your favorite?”

She nodded again. 

“You gonna let me go so I can make it?”

She shook her head no. 

“Alright, spider monkey, let’s do this.”

Y/N’s laughter filled the room as Jason somehow managed to maneuver her body so she was on his back with her arms wrapped around his neck. And she piggybacked around the kitchen with him as he made them breakfast. 

———

“Welp,” Y/N said bitterly as she looked at the building from across the street. “Don’t know how I wasn’t expecting this.”

Jason sighed as he watched too. 

There were a dozen people with picket signs. One said, “It’s a child, not a choice.” Another said, “Jesus loves you both.” One of the men had a megaphone. One woman held a box with figurines that inaccurately showed how far along the fetus would be when it’s aborted. 

“Wait here,” was all Jason said. 

“Wait, what? Jason! Jason, don’t!” Y/N hissed. 

But Jason was already halfway across the street. With the traffic and general noice of Gotham, Y/N could hear nothing. But it was clear that he was talking to him. 

“Oh, for christ’s sake,” Y/N sighed when she saw all of their faces shift to utter horror. Whatever he was saying to them had clearly terrified them. 

It only took a minute before Jason jogged back to her and offered his hand. 

“Come on,” he said encouragingly. 

“What the fuck did you just do?” She asked him. 

“I told them all of their names, social security numbers, and addresses,” Jason told her lightly. “Oh! And their top porn searched.” He gave them a glance. “And said if they even so much as looked at you, I would do what I wanted with that information."

“So…you threatened them.”

Jason tilted his head and shrugged innocently. “I wouldn’t put it that way…”

“Jason…” she groaned. 

“I thought you would be proud. I didn’t use physical violence. I’m growing!”

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh. 

But lo and behold, none of the protesters so much as faced their direction as they walked past. 

Y/N wondered how long it took Jason to memorize all that information. Did he ask Tim to hack street cameras and use face recognition to even find all of them? 

In the most messed up way, it warmed Y/N’s heart. It just showed a new angle of Jason’s protectiveness. Guess that was just another perk of dating a dangerous vigilante with too many connections and resources. 

Besides his little threat, Jason hadn’t let go of Y/N’s hand since they left the apartment – even now, as they sat in the waiting room. 

If he was anxious at all, he was doing a beautiful job of hiding it.

Y/N guessed that’s what happened when someone had the history of Jason. This was like a walk in the park for him.  

But when they called her name, Y/N looked at Jason with slight panic. 

“I can’t go with you. It’s against policy,” he told her softly. “But I’ll be right here when you get out. OK?”

She nodded. 

He must’ve learned that when he was doing all his research. 

“You good? Huh?” He whispered, keeping eye contact. 

She nodded again. 

“You’ll be fine,” then he kissed her. 

Just as Y/N reached the nurse, she turned to her boyfriend again. “I love you,” she mouthed to him. 

“I love you too,” he mouthed back. 

———

Y/N had been drained when they finally got back to their apartment. 

All she wanted was to take a nap with her boyfriend. 

A couple hours later, she had finally had the energy to stay awake. 

But neither of them had any interest in getting out of bed. So instead they stayed cuddled close.

“How are you feeling?” Jason asked her. 

“Physically or mentally?” 

“Both.”

“Physically, fine mostly. Some cramping. They said that was normal. But my period is ten times worse.” Then she sighed. “Mentally…like…I’m in control. Does that make sense?”

Jason nodded. 

“And relieved. Fuck,” she half laughed. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am.” 

“I’m glad.”

Then Y/N smirked mischievously. “Are you sad you won’t see me wearing those stupid overalls with a baby bump,” then she dramatically fanned her hands, “as we have a montage of us painting a nursery?”

Jason laughed at that. “OK. Well I don’t live in a fucking Lifetime commercial.” Then he smirked. “I’ll take the overalls without the baby bump, though.” 

She giggled at that. 

“But it’s a real shame we couldn’t have a gender reveal party and burn down all of Gotham accidentally…” Jason thought aloud. 

Y/N tried to suppress a smile, “…you do realize the point of those parties is to reveal the baby’s gender and not to burn a city down, right?” 

“Well, fuck.” Jason played dumb. “The only appealing part of that was the arson.”

“It would’ve been funny to fuck with people, though.” Y/N’s eyes went distant as she thought about it. “Put in black balloons or just a rainbow assortment. And just see how everyone reacted.”

“Missed opportunity,” Jason sighed. 

“Why are traditions so stupid and embarrassing?”

They both laughed. 

“I’d have to suffer through a stupid baby shower. And then you’d get to come in at the very end and just wave at everyone. Men really got it made, huh? Just show up, and everyone applauds.” 

Jason laughed, knowing she was absolutely right. Enough of the Justice League had kids for him to know that was how it worked. 

“Like those videos where dads do their daughter’s hair and everyone loses their mind and praises him. But name one time a video has gone viral of a mom doing her kid’s hair.”

“The bar’s low,” he reminded Y/N. 

But then Jason watched Y/N’s smile fall from her face as she got lost in her head. 

“What?”

Her brow furrowed. “Do you think I’m a bad person?”

“What?” He gripped her chin. “Absolutely not.”

“I don’t feel bad. There’s no remorse,” Y/N mumbled with as her eyes zoned out. “All I feel is weight lifted off of me.”

“Hey,” his voice was low and serious. “Hey, look at me.” 

He waited for her to do what he asked. “You’re not a bad person. You hear me?” 

Then he started making himself angry with the thought that anyone would ever tell Y/N otherwise. 

“You know what a bad person looks like? Someone who doesn’t take having a child seriously. Someone who makes that decision half-assed, knowing they’re bringing a child into a toxic environment or that they can’t properly take care of them.”

Jason made himself calm down. “That doesn’t make you a bad person. It just proves that you did exactly what you knew was best.” 

She nodded, finally convinced by his words. 

Y/N reached forward and brushed some hair off his face. 

Jason was so god damn handsome. No wonder I got pregnant, she thought darkly. This is exactly how she got into this mess. It was hard just to keep her hands off of him. 

“If I ask you something, do you promise you’ll tell me the truth?” 

He cocked an eyebrow at her. “I’ll try my best.”

Her eyes twisted into something somber and afraid. 

“Do you really never want kids?” 

Jason should’ve expected this question at some point. 

Even though Y/N didn’t verbalize it, Jason knew that one of her biggest fear throughout all of this was that it would change their relationship. She was scared that he would resent her, that he would change his mind and beg her to keep it. 

Maybe it was her tone that was really the thing that caught him off guard. She sounded so scared of what he would say. 

Jason rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Not because he wanted to hide the truth by stopping her from staring into his eyes. He just wanted to make sure he collected al of this thoughts. She deserved a proper answer. 

“I never planned on being a father,” the statement was unwavering. “You know how my childhood went. And I see the same thing happening to kids all over Gotham today – some of them have it so much worse than I did.”

Y/N reached forward and placed her palm on his chest, right over his heart. Without thinking, his hand went to grip it. 

“But you would never be like that,” she assured him. “You’re a good man, Jason. I mean, just look at how you are with Damian – no matter how hard you try to hide your soft spot for that boy.”

“I know I can be a good father. Except before you were in my life, I didn’t know that.” 

If he were really tell the truth, he would tell Y/N that without her, there most likely wouldn’t even be a Jason Todd...only Red Hood. 

He looked away from the ceiling and back at her. “But that doesn’t want I want to be.” 

“So you can honestly say that you never want a family? Even if wasn’t with me?” 

“Y/N, look at my family,” Jason laughed. “None of us our related. Bruce is a mess of a father. His biological son was basically artificially inseminated. The butler is more like our grandma who raised us. All of them tried to take me down and imprison me at one point or another...”

He shook his head at the ridiculousness. “The point is that I know more than anyone that family can look like a million different things. And the perfect outline society has forced onto us doesn’t actually mean shit.”

He grinned. “My family is a group of vigilantes who don’t know how to quit.” His eyes softened. “And then there’s you. You’re my family, too. I don’t need add anything else for that to be true.” 

Y/N couldn’t help herself and she practically tackled him into a kiss. 

Jason gripped her waist and twisted them so she was straddling his waist, and his hands traced up and down the side of her ribcage. 

After their lips separate, Y/N looked down at him lovingly. 

She let a moment pass. 

“What if I changed my mind?”

“I think you and I both know you never will.”

“But what if I did?” She insisted. 

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I really don’t.”

Y/N just wanted to challenge him. She wanted to go through all the scenarios her mind wouldn’t stop thinking about. She needed answers to the hypothetical scenarios that would never come to be. 

“I’m not going to change my mind,” she told him certainly. 

“I know, Y/N.”

She kissed him again. “Thank you for supporting me through all of this.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” he scoffed. “It’s my fault.” 

And he meant it. Most days, Jason had to convince himself he was worthy of her love. What kind of man would be lucky enough to have Y/N as their girl and not do everything in his power to make sure it stayed that way?

“No, it wasn’t,” she corrected him seriously. “It was both of us.” 

“You can’t scare me away,” Jason told her. “Nothing is ever gonna stop me from loving you. Got it?”

She nodded. 

But before she could say anything more, Jason wrapped her in a heated kiss. 

He knew these questions were her anxiety manifesting itself. And Y/N had enough stress for today. So he’d turned off her mind with his touches. 

She deserved a break. 

-----------------

I don’t know how I managed to write yet another one of these fics. But I realized it was easier to give it a new twist since Jason Todd has a sense of humor and an edge that Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers do not. Also, he wasn’t raised in the 1930s. lol

Please, please, please let me know if you liked it!!!

If anyone is interested in movies on this topic, I highly recommend these:

Never Rarely Sometimes Always 

Unpregnant 

4 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 Days

Obvious Child

[morganaspendragonss]

I hope that you are doing well! I love the your writing! If you are open to a Tarlos fic request: TK to Carlos after the doctor has told him Carlos might not make it through the next 48hrs "I cannot imagine life without you, please don't let me live my greatest fear. I won't survive."

Carlos has been working a case and it happens that he becomes a target. He starts getting messages at work, at home and becomes paranoid but doesn't tell TK, but TK can see that Carlos is on edge. Carlos picks a fight with TK so that he goes to stay with Owen for a while. Carlos does this to protect him, let him at least stay away so that if anything happens, TK is safe. Then one night, Carlos is alone at home and someone breaks in, torture ensues and he is barely clinging to life. He calls 911, Grace answers and he can barely get the words out "it's Carlos, send help". 📍

holly's august extravaganza day 10: i can't imagine my life without you

thank you!

ao3 | 1.9k | descriptions of torture, major character injury, angst, hopeful ending, open ending

TK knows he’s annoying people. The atmosphere in the ambulance is thick with tension whenever they’re out on a call, and it’s not much better back at the firehouse. He tries to keep his distance, occupying himself in the gym or aggressively doing chores, but he can’t avoid everyone forever and his bad mood is starting to spill over.

Like when he and Nancy fell back into their old pattern of snipping at each other, or when he nearly bit Paul’s head off when he asked what was wrong. It was less the question itself—though TK certainly doesn’t want to get into why he’s so out of it—and more the way Paul phrased it. Nobody likes to be asked ‘trouble in paradise?’, particularly when the answer is yes.

He just doesn’t understand. It had come completely out of left field—one minute everything was fine, the next Carlos had turned to him with guarded eyes and a clenched jaw, and said six words that sent TK’s whole world crashing down.

“I think we need a break.”

Carlos hadn’t explained why; when TK had tried to push, he’d turned it into a fight, until TK had no choice but to leave. He’s been staying with his dad for a week now and he desperately misses his boyfriend, torn between wanting to go over and check on him and wanting to give him space.

He’d settled on a text, a simple you okay?, which still felt woefully inadequate. Carlos had been on edge for weeks before the blow up and TK hadn’t been able to get a word out of him about why.

The text is still unanswered, though it’s been marked as Read.

TK huffs and hauls himself up into the ambulance to check stock. He knows Nancy has already done it and she’s going to be pissed if she catches him, but he needs to keep his mind occupied somehow, lest he start to spin out. But the peace he finds is short-lived, as not ten minutes after he starts, TK looks up from his clipboard to see Judd approaching, hands held out in a pacifying gesture.

It has the opposite effect, TK’s nerves becoming that bit more frayed at the spooked animal treatment he’s getting, but his pointed glare does nothing to deter Judd. Nor does turning his back and returning to work, as he finds out when Judd’s heavy footsteps stop behind the rig and don’t move away.

“TK,” Judd says, his voice suspiciously rough.

TK doesn’t bother turning around, hoping it will get the message across. “Fuck off, Judd,” he says, which would normally be a guarantee of riling him up enough to get him to either leave TK alone or engage in a more physical manner.

At this point, TK doesn’t really care which reaction he gets.

Unfortunately, he’s not in luck today. Which, honestly, tracks.

“I got a phone call,” Judd continues, undeterred, “from Grace. Now, I figure you’ll be getting a similar one soon enough, but we thought it might be better if you heard it from us first.”

TK sighs and hangs his head, reluctantly turning around. “What?” he snaps out. When Judd doesn’t react, not even with a raised eyebrow, a quiet dread begins to pool in his gut, a little voice in the back of his head telling him he already knows ‘what’.

He tries to push it down, but there are very few reasons why Grace would call Judd and ask to talk to him. TK takes the proffered phone in a shaking hand, his heart starting to pound as he lifts it to his ear.

“Grace?”

“Hey, TK.” Grace’s voice is gentle, as it always is, but there’s a soothing note to it now, and more of the pieces start to slot together in TK’s head. “Listen, honey, I’m at work and I just got a call come through. I’m… I’m so sorry, TK. It was Carlos.”

TK’s breath catches, tears pricking the back of his eyes. “What do you mean?” he demands, voice shaky. “What do you mean ‘you’re sorry’?”

“He was… I don’t know. He was barely able to talk, but it sounded real bad. EMS 122 were in the area at the time so I sent them out; they should have arrived at the hospital by now.”

And TK… TK doesn’t know what to say to that. He slumps back on the bench in the rig, breathing turning shallow as he imagines what could have happened to Carlos. The last time they’d seen each other—the last time they’d spoken—it had ended with them throwing insults across the kitchen island and with TK packing a bag and slamming the door behind him.

The thought that it might be the last memory they have together kills him inside.

He needs answers. Before he can face this new reality, he needs to know what happened, which means there’s only one thing he can do right now.

“Grace?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“I want to hear it.”

*

Judd has followed him up to the mercifully empty bunkroom, refusing to leave after both his and Grace’s attempts to dissuade him had failed. TK ignores him for the most part, but he does give in to his request to put the phone on speaker. Much as he wants to deal with this on his own, it is a kind of comfort to have Judd’s steady presence next to him.

“Are you sure about this, TK?” Grace asks for the millionth time. TK appreciates her concern, but he needs this. He needs to hear it for himself.

“I’m sure.”

“Alright then.”

He hears a few clicks and then the recording starts, Grace’s voice coming over the speaker.

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

No response.

“Hello?”

The silence continues, broken only by static, and then what TK recognises as heavy, gasping breaths.

“Hello, is anyone there?”

A few more seconds pass, and then, “Grace.”

TK has to suppress a sob at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice—though, if he didn’t know for sure it was Carlos, he wouldn’t have recognised it. His words come out ragged and hoarse, riding on breaths that seem to be getting slower and more laboured by the second. TK clutches the phone tighter in his hand, biting down hard on his lip.

“It’s… It’s Carlos. I… Send help. Please.”

“Carlos, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

But Grace goes unanswered, and TK suddenly notices that he can no longer hear the sound of Carlos breathing. His own breaths hitch, his lungs refusing to expand properly, and his vision blurs with tears as he curls in on himself, hands braced on the edge of the bed and gripping tightly onto the covers.

He doesn’t notice Judd taking the phone back, nor is he aware of him moving to sit next to him until he’s being pulled into a strong embrace, TK’s head cradled against Judd’s chest. Judd whispers things TK doesn’t hear as his hands gently rub his back, the touch grounding him as he loses himself to tears and the overwhelming pain in his heart.

Five minutes later, TK’s phone rings.

Fifteen minutes after that, they arrive at the hospital.

*

“Please,” TK whispers, clutching onto the hand in both of his. “Please don’t make me do this. I don’t… I don’t want to live a life without you in it. I can’t, you understand me? I can’t. If you leave, I won’t survive it, so you just hang on for me, alright? Forget what the doctor thinks, you keep fighting, and come back to me. Please, Carlos. Please.”

TK looks up, hoping to see Carlos’s beautiful brown eyes staring right back at him, but of course they’re not. He might never see them again, which is something TK is still trying to wrap his head around. That’s not the only thing either; Carlos has so many injuries that he’s struggling to remember them all—the only thing he does remember with horrific clarity is the doctor’s words when he’d asked to speak to TK privately.

“We’ve done what we can, but I’m afraid Officer Reyes’s wounds are grave and there is a significant possibility that he may not make it beyond the next 48 hours. If he does, then we will re-evaluate, but currently his chances of recovery are slim. I’m truly sorry.”

TK wipes away a stray tear and presses a kiss to Carlos’s bruised knuckles. His other hand is completely shattered, and TK can barely stand to look at his face; it’s been beaten to a pulp, there’s a patch over one eye, and whoever attacked him even went so far as to rip out some of his teeth.

It’s grim, and that’s to say nothing of the rest of his body. Torture is the only word to describe what happened to Carlos—brutal, savage, and without mercy, somebody tortured him in their home.

And he was alone.

*

“Son, you didn't know.”

“That’s no excuse. I left him.”

“Carlos pushed you away. He was trying to protect you.”

“And where was I when he needed protection?”

“TK—”

“Don’t, Dad.”

*

“TK, I really shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Please, Mitchell. I need to know. Carlos knew something was going to happen but he chose to drive me away instead of letting me in. I just… I just want answers.”

“...I’ll see what I can do.”

*

Carlos makes it through the 48 hours, but not without incident. Somewhere around hour 32, the machines had started going haywire, summoning an army of doctors who shoved TK out of the room, leaving him to stare in through the blinds as they worked to save Carlos’s life.

They’d done it, but it had taken TK hours to come down from the resulting panic attack.

*

“Oh my god.”

Mitchell is standing at his shoulder, watching him warily as he flips through the file she brought him from the station. She keeps looking around anxiously, as if her sergeant is going to appear and arrest her for misconduct at any moment, but TK only has eyes for the images and words in front of him.

“Did you know about this?” he asks, gesturing to the myriad of threatening messages they’d apparently found in Carlos’s desk.

She shakes her head. “We noticed he’d been acting weird, but we figured something was going on between you two. He never said a word to anyone that I know of.” She pauses and sighs shakily, placing a comforting hand on TK’s shoulder. “We, um. We found some at your house, too. In Carlos’s nightstand.”

TK stares, first at Mitchell, then at the file, then at Carlos, still just as silent and motionless as he’s been since the day all this happened. “Why?” he breathes, and he doesn’t know which one of them he’s addressing the question to.

*

The doctors are amazed when they get to a week and Carlos’s heart is still beating. He still has a ventilator breathing for him and there’s still been no sign of him waking up, but he’s not giving up.

TK wants to say that he never doubted him, but he can’t ignore his paramedic training. He’d heard how badly Carlos was injured; he’d seen the crime scene photos and all the blood coating their bedroom.

(He’d needed several minutes in the bathroom to recover from that sight)

Much as he didn’t want to admit it, all the signs pointed to Carlos not making it.

But he’s still here. Still fighting. And TK can’t help but let that little bit of hope into his heart.

[liquid-luck-00]

My Life is One Complication After Another 2

Some cursing 🤬

Ao3 *** Previous *** Next

~~~~~~~~~~

"Okay so where were we?" she smiled turning and sitting back down with Fang.

"As Damian had asked are you in reality my biological child," Bruce took back control automatically.

"You can't be serious Brucie!" Jagged went and began to squish Mari's face. "This little ray of sunshine related to your broody majesty. I don't buy it."

"I am not broody Jared." Bruce defended.

"I'll believe that when Ladybug dates Chat Noir." he joked.

"So it is possible" Bruce responded with a straight face.

Now it was Mari's turn to laugh, "Not a chance. Ladybug and Chat Noir dating is as possible as Atlantis resurfacing." she finally stopped laughing. The Wayne's tensed as if they knew more than others about Atlantis. "I honestly don't know if I am your child. I have no objections to taking a paternity test if you want, but I already have parents who love and support me, but I am not opposed to adding to my family though." she again smiled like the sunshine she is.

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng What the Hell!?!" Chloe screamed storming into the room.

"What did I do!"

"How are you trending and you never told me" she gave a mock gasp.

However it was not the same for Mari. "I'm what." She opened her phone and sure enough she was trending. "How did this happen?"

She went into the first article she could and backtracked, through the sources and timestamps. Then it all made sense. She was on the Ladyblog, an interview with Lila claiming she was friends with a Wayne. The media then believing her a lost Wayne which explains why she is sitting with the Waynes and them asking about her paternity.

"How did you not know. M."

"All my accounts are private and I've been busy. But this explains the reporters now huh."

"M you are ridiculous, utterly ridiculous" Chloe grumbled. She was now sitting on the armrest Mari was leaning against next to Jagged. "At least tell me you remembered to send the photos and interview." Mari sprung up, Fang having sensed the impending jump. "logged into my laptop" Chloe yelled throwing her key to Mari.

"Meet you at the hospital. 20 minutes. bye" she yelled as she ran down the hall taking the stairs faster.

Chloe and Penny got up followed by Jagged heading to the door.

"Whatcha wait'n for Brucie come on" Jagged called to the billionaire.

Slowly the Waynes stood and followed the others to the hospital, sharing looks and texts the entire time.

True to her word Marinette met with them 20 minutes later on the dot in the hospital.

Both Marinette and Bruce had a blood sample and a mouth swab taken. The doctor then came back an hour later with the results.

"Alright. By the genetic markers that were tested. I can say quite confidently that M. Wayne is the biological father of Mlle. Dupain-Cheng." The doctor handed them a folder. "I'II leave you to process."

Marinette didn't need long to process. In fact her only thought was, Well one more for the list. Everyone in the room was watching her. "Okay" she jumped down from the bench, crap. Forgot about that. Her smile never faltered but her eyes were closed a second too long.

In that second Chloe had taken her purse and was holding up a pair of athletic gloves. “Care to explain!” She held the gloves waving them towards Marinette.

"Um, Well, You see" Marinette started to mumble.

"Why don't you explain in the car" Penny came to her rescue.

"We'll get Pizza and have a Rock' n time" Jagged lightened the mood.

Everyone nodded, walking out Mari kept her hands in her pocket. She was putting on her second pair of gloves, Tikki in her hood, she needed to think and running always helped. Mari was only a few yards away when Chloe noticed, Mari spun to face her when she heard her.

"Red!" Chloe yelled. She noticed how two boys froze, Jason and Tim if she is correct.

"Goldie!" she responded, not missing a beat. She heard Chloe behind her.

"Cat." Penny stated.

"Bird." responded Jagged further confusing the Waynes as they neared the hotel.

Tim was the first who noticed the two girls in front of the hotel. Meaning he was on his phone mapping and timing the route.

"Pizza will be delivered in 10." Mari spoke as the other seven stepped out of the car.

The two girls went ahead of them, but instead of the elevator they took the stairs.

Half way through the second of three pizza did Tim finally speak. "How did you two get back so fast." Tim set down his Pizza as he began to gesture frantically. "There is no way for you guys to have beat as it is a fifteen minute drive and a 30 minute walk, 20 if you run. Wait how did you get there in 20 minutes with a detour." Tim surprisingly still had breath.

"The fastest way from point A to B is not through C." Was Marinette's response as she took a bite. Yet that didn't seem like a sufficient answer as her now brother's eyebrows were still knit in confusion, so she took a breath and said. "Free running, it's a great stress reliever." she finished.

"What did you hit this time?" Jagged gave her a semi serious look.

"I didn't hit anything," a pout on her lips. "The pigeon flew into me."

Dick started laughing "she is definitely yours B, I can say for sure even without that paternity test." Another two hours had passed before she noticed the time and bid everyone goodbye. She gave her number to her father and brothers, Damian begrudgingly because Dick put it in and gave it to Mari.

Her parents had closed early for a date so she was home alone. She went to the couch to sketch a few gift ideas for her newly extended family. She was finishing a semi formal coat with a hidden sling for a katana for Damian. He kept grumbling that if he had it, the way the sword appeared in his akuma form, and she is pretty sure Jason's jokes were more literal by everyone's expressions. When her parents came home.

"Bon soir Maman, Papa," she cheerily greeted them.

"How was your day sweetheart." her Papa smiled kissing the top of her head.

"I met a handful of interesting people." she really didn't know how to broach this subject.

"What's wrong sweetie," her mother must have noticed her be uncomfortable. She sat down next to Mari, and her papa sat across from them.

"Did someone or did these people hurt you." her papa's words began to ring with a hard edge.

"Non, nothing like that. It's just, um," bitting her lip then looking up. "Your not my biological father, are you?"

Her parents froze, and had a silent conversation.

"Marinette, your biological father is an important and busy man. Who has no time for children." Her Maman spoke gently and calmly. "His name is Bruce Wayne."

Okay hold up, she tilted her head empathizing her confusion. "He didn't seem to bad, in fact he has four boys."

"That was who you met today," her papa affirmed, seemingly surprised.

She nodded her head and told them what had occurred today, leaving out the akuma and her free running. When she finished her parents once again held a silent conversation.

"Why don't we invite him over tomorrow for lunch. While you show his boys around." her maman smiled.

"Okay I'll send them a message then." Mari smiled taking out her phone.

Tomorrow will be interesting.

But first she had to survive tonight.

Tonight Ladybug, Todd Tenko, and Emeraude Racer were on patrol. Meaning she had the evening with the Couffaine siblings. Since both were holders it wasn't uncommon for them to swap. Meaning Luka would either be Todd or Viperion, and Juleka could be either Racer or Kitsune.

They each knew what was their designated route, and because of the akuma sent earlier the chance of Hawkmoth striking again was less likely. Each one of the heroes went their separate ways and made their rounds. So when the three heroes went to their rendezvous at Notre Dame's bell tower it ways almost two hour later. However, she noticed she had a tail when she passed the Eiffel tower. So she called Todd and Racer to set an illusion and ambush at the bell tower.

When she stepped on the bell towers stopped in the center and so did her tail with four others, forming a 'v" behind her. Todd's illusion left a Ladybug in the center of the tower while she moved to an ambush point. Four figures swung in and stood at each corner, a Todd Tenko, Emeraude Racer, Honey Bee, and Chat Noir.

"Shouldn't all of you be in Gotham?" Ladybug asked for her.

That seemed to take the vigilantes in her city by surprise.

"We heard about the situation and we just want to help." Nightwing, she is pretty sure, spoke up.

Chat Noir scoffed, "huh as if we would believe that."

"Tt. believe what you want. That is the truth." Robin spoke this time. Interesting.

"Yes after being ignored and called liars for three years really builds trust." Honey Bee's hand curled on her top as she spoke.

Batman seemed like he was going say something, but she jumped down from her perch breaking the Ladybug illusion. As they watched her materialize fifty feet up, followed by Racer and Todd flanking her mere seconds later.

"Todd," her eyes never left the five in front of her as she spoke.

"What!" Red Hood jumped in surprise, "How?"

"Curious. But Todd," this time she turned. "can you drop Mirage." Her teammate nodded and the four illusions disappeared. "Do you need to recharge?"

"Already did LB", he smiled.

"Okay," she pulled out her yoyo, and a box fell out into her hands. "who wants a snack before heading back out."

"Me!" Racer rushed to the box pulling out a strawberry eclair.

It is almost a good thing she always makes eight eclairs for patrol. Seriously she makes two for those on patrol, but after Adrien always left them with one and ate four, did she start bringing more.

Before leaving to do a final sweep of patrol. The three Parisian heroes spoke with the visiting vigilantes.

"We could send them Pinky's way," Ladybug responded to Batman's ask for more information.

"Do you think that's smart?" Todd asked.

"Who is Pinky?" Red Robin stepped into the conversation.

"She is our civilian contact and reserve hero." Racer answered.

"Why isn't she a permeant hero?" Nightwing brought up the question.

"Her identity was compromised but and we aren't sure how many know. So she is kept an back up." she answered.

"Who is she and how do we contact her?" Batman demanded or asked in his case.

"She is Multimouse, her name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng." All of them seemed to flinch and paled slightly. "And she'll find you."

The three Parisians stood and left.

Yup, tomorrow is going to be interesting.

Extra:

“So was I supposed to find out the Wayne’s were the Bats on my own or would you have told me?” Mari scolded her boyfriend over video call when she got home from patrol.

“I knew you were smart but less than a day you really are a lucky bug.” He smirked at her.

She crossed her arms and glared at him.

“Okay, okay.” He rose his hands in surrender. “But how did you figure it out anyways?”

“Apart from Tim and Jason flinching when Chloe called me Red, Damian’s katana grumbles and Tt., Jason freaking out because Todd was on patrol with me, and all of them paling at my name. It wasn’t to hard to piece together after that.” She shrugged.

“You know you’re scary sometimes right?” He feigned chills a goofy grin on his face.

“You love me though.” She teased him.

“I know I do but I know to keep in your good graces.” He responded now completely serious. “By the way, why was my idiot in Paris?” '

“I apparently made headlines a a lost Wayne.” She waved. “Which has more truth than the media knows apparently.”

“You’re serious!”

“Turns out your idiot is my adoptive idiot brother.”

“So are you related to Dick or Tim?”

“Try Damian.”

“To Demon Spawn! How?!”

“Bruce is my biological father.”

“The bug is a bat. Great!” he rolled his eyes, “I knew you weren’t normal but this is ridiculous.”

“You aren’t exactly normal yourself.” She replied pointedly.

“Ya but you love me.” His goofy grin was back.

“Yes I do.” She smiled in return.

Next

~~~~~~~~~~

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[mayans-sauce]

Positively Happy

@pantherclawz

Pairing: Coco Cruz x Female Reader

Word Count: 1.6K

Warnings: cursing

Request from anon Hi, if requests are open, I was wondering if I could request a Coco imagine? Where him and the reader had been trying to get pregnant but the reader deals with PCOS, which can make it extremely hard, and the last test she took said negative but she's had symptoms and then gets another test and it says positive? And she surprises Coco and they go to her 1st appt. And they see their baby?

A/N: sorry this is so late! But I hope I did well for this request and that you enjoy it!

You can read about what PCOS is HERE and HERE

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•• Main Masterlist •• Coco Masterlist ••

Coco had explicitly said for years that he didn’t want another kid, not after fucking it up so much with his previous ones. He was glad that he had Letty in his life now and had started to form a relationship with her. A year or two after having Letty in his life, he got to know you, the love of his life, and he felt blessed and happy that he had his two favorite women with him. That was all he needed, and frankly, so did you.

You had both agreed that having your own kids wasn’t a priority in your life, at least not now, or maybe it never would be, but you still had it open for discussion in case something changed in the future.

And for Coco, it did change. It changed the day your sisters dropped off your niece at your house for a few days because she was going overseas for a week for her job. His eyes opened up for a new possibility for joy and laughter in his life watching you interact with the toddler.

Playing, taking care of her, loving her. He wanted that, he wanted that so bad, he loved your niece, and she loved to be with Coco as well, but he was scared to bring it up to you in case you had changed your mind completely, but eventually, he did, and you were more than happy that he wanted to have kids with you.

He told you he was scared. Scared that he would fuck it up as he did with his two others and Letty. He didn’t believe that he could be a good father, but you and Letty convinced him otherwise, especially Letty. She had told him, even though he hadn’t been by her side most of her life, that she loved him with all her heart and that he was the best dad ever to her.

He then knew that he could do it, be a good and caring father with you and Letty by his side.

The baby-making part wasn’t the hard part of getting pregnant because you and Coco were experts; it was the getting pregnant part that didn’t work. You tried for a long time before you went to a doctor. They diagnosed you with PCOS, which along with a few other problems, also makes it harder to get pregnant, but it was still possible. So the doctor suggested that you try more before you could look into other methods of getting pregnant.

Each test you took came out negative, again and again, and each time your hopelessness increased.

“What does it say?” Coco asked as you both waited in the bathroom for the pregnancy test to get ready. You picked it up and hoped that it would finally say positive. But your face dropped when you looked at the results, and Coco knew what that meant. “Nothin?” “Nothing.”

He let out a long sigh, his heart sinking in his chest. He wrapped his arms around you and yours around him, just holding onto one another and giving each other comfort. “We can try again.”

After a few weeks of trying some more, you and Coco had given up on trying the natural way, so you scheduled an appointment with the doctor to work out some other methods. The appointment was some time away, so the weeks leading up to it, you and Coco hadn’t in your thoughts to make a baby while having sex; you just focused much more on each other than you ever had.

A few days before the appointment, you started to feel a little different. Your period was late since it had always been so irregular, so you didn’t think much of it, but you also woke up feeling very ill. So later in the day, you went to buy a pregnancy test just in case. Coco wasn’t home, so you asked Letty if she could join.

Letty loved you like you were her mother. You were best friends and always was there for one another. “Do you think you're pregnant?” “I… don’t know. I don’t think so, but I just feel different than the other times, so I figured just checking wouldn’t hurt.”

When the timer on your phone went off, you lifted the stick straight to your face to look at it, not thinking so much of it because you were expecting it to be negative as always. To your surprise, it said positive, and your heart started racing. “What?” You said in the tiniest whisper, your eyes glossy with tears that began to form in them.

“Y/N, what is it?” Letty came to stand by your side. “It’s… it’s positive.” “Are you sure?” You gave her the pregnancy test so she could check for herself. “I don’t have an extra to check it, but… it’s never said positive before. This is the first time.” Now Letty was crying and overjoyed with excitement. She hugged you long and hard, and you did as well. Emotions were running all over. “I’m gonna be a big sister.” “You're gonna be a big sister Leticia.”

“I need to call him.” You couldn’t wait for him to come home; you needed him to know right away. His phone went to voicemail, which means he was in Templo because he always answered his phone no matter what except when he was in there. So you sent him a message and a picture.

📲To: My Coco❤️

Let’s hope this means that baby Coco is on the way❤️ I’m so happy❤️

Letty and you moved over to the living room to wait for Coco’s response. Even though it wasn’t 100% sure that you even were pregnant, you started talking and planning for the baby already. What gender you wanted it to be. Letty wanted it to be a girl while you wanted a little Coco running around, but regardless of what, you would all love the baby no matter what. The future for the baby and all the adventures you all would go on.

Fifteen minutes later, the phone rang with Coco’s face lighting up the screen, and you picked up in a second. “Is-is it real,” his voice was shaky as he spoke; you could hear that he was on the verge of tears. “Yes, Johnny, it's real… it’s so real.” He told you he was on his way home to you. He didn’t care about the club or anything other than you right now.

When he arrived, he wouldn’t let go of you, holding onto you as his life depended on it. Letty joined in the cuddling and love. After some time, he got down on his knees so that his head was at level with your belly. His hand softly caressed it as he talked in a gentle voice, “I hope you are in there, little one. I love you so fucking much.” Only the appointment in a few days could tell, so you didn’t entirely hold onto the hope that you were pregnant, but you all wanted it to be real, so you acted that it was.

A few days later, at the doctor's appointment, you, Letty, and Coco all held your breath as they searched for a glimpse that you were pregnant. Coco held your hand tightly as he watched the screen, his leg bouncing up and down in anticipation. Letty held tightly onto her father, just as nervous and anxious as him. To your luck, they found evidence that you were indeed pregnant, and all of you were overjoyed at the news.

Letty squealed in happiness as Coco started lightly crying at the discovery of his entire world changing for the better, but the doctor told you that it might be too soon to celebrate. Because of your PCOS, there was a bigger chance for you to have a miscarriage or other complications with the pregnancy. So you would need to be closely monitored and taken care of.

Coco vowed from that day that you wouldn’t do any hard work around the house or anywhere else. He, Letty, and the rest of the guys would do everything for you. All you needed to do was sit your pretty ass down and relax as they all treated you like a queen.

A few weeks had passed, you and Coco were on the way to the doctor again for another appointment. This time hoping to know the sex of the baby. Coco was driving with one hand on the steering wheel and his other hand playing with your fingers, which always calmed him down. The window was down as the warm wind of Santo Padre seeped into the car.

“I hope it’s a girl,” he admitted. He had told you since the pregnancy was confirmed that his dream was to have a baby girl. A sweet and beautiful little creature that looked exactly like you that he would protect with his whole heart and kill anyone that dared to harm her.

“I hope it’s a boy.” You could see in your dream a little miniature Coco. Him and his father running around in the yard playing together as they laughed in the grass like it was the funniest thing ever. The two being messy boys and getting into trouble all the time and hiding it from mommy.

But you knew no matter what you found out today at the doctors that the little miracle in your belly would be loved unconditionally by everyone in your lives no matter what.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Let me know what you think❤️

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[acreativeme]

Family Comes First

Family Comes First OA x Reader

Y/N rushed around the kitchen, trying to pack her kids lunch as they ate breakfast. She looked over at the stove clock, noticing that it was almost time for her husband to leave for work. She prayed that he would be down in time to see their kids off to school. “Momma, can I get some pretzels for lunch?” Aria, their daughter, asked, shoving a spoonful of cereal in her mouth. Y/N grinned at her daughter. “There is already a pack in both your lunchbox and backpack.” She pressed a kiss to her daughter’s crazy curls. “Will dad be here to see us off?” Their son,Odion, asked, shoving a strawberry from his fruit salad in his mouth. Y/N went to reply but was cut off by the sound of their front opening and closing. She frowned, watching OA get into his SUV and pull out of the driveway. “I don’t think so, Oddi.” After they finished getting ready for the day in silence, Y/N had opted to take them to school instead of having them take the bus. She noticed the sadness on the kids face, which sparked anger in her heart. Aria and Odion pressed a kiss to her cheek as they hopped out of the car. “Love you, Momma!” they called as they headed towards their friends. “Have a good day!” she replied as the door shut.

She stepped out of the elevator onto her husband’s floor. She had to take a deep breath as she stepped into the bullpen, where it seemed they were working on a case. Jubial was the first to notice her, but reframed from saying anything so as to not interrupt whatever Tech was talking. Maggie was the next to notice her and didn’t hold back her surprise. “Y/N? What are you doing here? Are the kids alright?” Maggie asked, alerting OA to his wife’s presence. He turned and frowned. “What are you doing here?” “Can I talk with you alone, Omar?” Y/N asked, not breaking eye contact with him. Maggie raised her eyebrows at Y/N’s use of OA’s full first name. “Everything okay?” She asked him. He shrugged, whispering to her. “I don’t know.” He led Y/N off towards an empty conference room. “What do you need, Y/N? I am in the middle of a case.” Y/N sighed, trying to remain calm. “You didn’t say goodbye this morning.” He rolled his eyes. “You know that there is a possibility that I would get called out to a case at any moment and can’t always say goodbye.” “Yes, I know that! But do you want to know who doesn’t know that?!” Her tone was tense, her calm resolve cracking at his lame excuse. “Who?” He asked, irritation evident in his voice. “Our kids! Remember them? Their names are Aria and Odion, if you have forgotten.” She hissed, face turning red as she spoke. He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. “I know our children’s names, Y/N. I am their father.” Y/N threw her hands up, “well, you aren’t acting like it! When was the last time that you had a conversation with our children? Was it before or after Aria took up painting or Odion joined the soccer team? Because they sure can’t remember when you saw them off to school last.” “Painting? Soccer? When did this happen?” He asked, slumping against the wall. “4 months ago.” She whispered, looking down at her ring. “Omar, I think that we should take a break.” He looked up at her, shock on his face. “What are you talking about, a break, we are married?” She slipped the ring off her finger. “You need to find somewhere else to stay for a while. You can come over today while we are out for your things.” He started to hyperventilate, panic filled his chest. “You can’t be serious, Y/N. That is our home, you can’t just kick me out.” She dropped the ring on the table, turning to leave. “It hasn’t been our home for a long time, Omar.”

After she left, Y/N sat in her car for twenty minutes and cried. It broke her heart to say those things to him, but the look on her children’s faces broke it even more. She was tired of seeing them get let down time and time again by him and his broken promises. When she was finished crying, she cleaned herself up and went to the store to buy snacks for after soccer practice. Afterwards, she headed into work for a few hours-- wanting to get her mind off what happened that morning. During this time, she ignored the numerous calls and text messages from both OA and Maggie. She didn’t have time or energy to worry about them as she needed to focus on caring for her children and getting work done. Around 2:30PM, Y/N left work to make her way towards her children’s school-- making sure that she had an afternoon snack for all of them. They had immediately started ranting about what had happened at school that day, which made her smile as it seemed like the events of this morning were long forgotten. They had arrived at the soccer field about an hour before the start of Odion’s practice, so she had them get a head start on their homework as she started editing a new manuscript. She would pause her work to help, whenever one of them had a question or needed help. When they got home from practice, Y/N had sent them up to clean up and finish their homework while she worked on dinner. Neither child asked about their father, noticing that his absence was hurting their mother. Despite her pain, she kept up a brave face as she went through their usual nightly routine. She tucked them into bed and gave them both goodnight kisses, before running herself a hot bath.

...Three Months Later…

Y/N had been throwing up for a couple of weeks, which has only happened one other time and it was when she was pregnant with the twins. She had to wait until after the kids had gotten on the bus, before she could test her theory. There was a part of her hoped that it wasn’t true, but that hope was dashed when the plus sign popped up. She was quick to schedule an appointment with her doctor to get a more official result, silently hoping for a false positive. Four days later, she was sitting in a cafe-- waiting for the only person she could count on to show. She had been ordered for them both, one black coffee with sugar and one peppermint tea. She was picking at a chocolate chip muffin, wanting to both shove it all in her mouth and throw it up from nerves at the same time. “Hey, Y/N. How are you doing?” Maggie asked, taking the empty seat in front of Y/N. Y/N jumped, surprised by her sudden appearance. “Maggie, you scared me.” Maggie raised her eyebrows, not used to Y/N being jumpy. “What’s going on? Are you and the kids alright?” “Yes, we are fine. I just got some life changing news today and I had to share it with someone that I could trust.” Y/N admitted, breaking eye contact with Maggie. Maggie reached across the table to hold her hand. “What’s going on?” Y/N took a deep breath. “I am pregnant… and it is OA’s. My doctor said that I am around 20 weeks along.” A tear ran down her cheek as she admitted to both herself and Maggie what she had been trying to deny. Maggie squeezed her hand, wanting to comfort her friend. “Are you planning on keeping it?” Y/N gasped at her question, releasing her hand. “Of course! Just because me and OA are separated doesn’t mean that I don’t love who we created.” She caressed her slightly swollen stomach. Maggie nodded, happy to know that she was not going to get rid of the baby. “How are you planning to tell OA?” Y/N closed her eyes, trying to control her anxiety and tears. “I don’t know..”

...Two Days Later… The sound of pounding on the front door at 2:30AM, woke Y/N from a dead sleep. She wrapped herself in OA’s abandoned rob, having kept it after he moved out. She grabbed the gun he had bought her after she got her license to carry, which he had her get after they found out they were pregnant with the twins. She had it resting at her side, with her finger off the trigger of course, as she looked through the peephole. Standing there in the pouring rain, was OA. She could tell that something was wrong as he looked like he had been crying. She stepped aside, wanting to get him out of the rain as soon as possible. “What are you doing here, OA?” Y/N asked, moving to grab a towel from their downstairs bathroom. He thanked her as he took it from her. “Maggie told me.” Y/N froze, halfway turned around to head towards the kitchen. “She told you what?” “She told me that you were pregnant.. With my baby.” He replied, sounding surprised with the last part of his statement. She glared at him. “Did you think that it was someone else’s?” She crossed her arms, waiting for his response. “N-no. I am more surprised that you didn’t tell me.” He stuttered. She sighed. “I didn’t know how to tell you, as it was a surprise to me as much as it was to you.” Y/N sat on the arm of the couch. “I wanted to think about how I was going to tell you, as you haven’t really been a big part of our other children’s lives.” He looked down in shame. “I know, and I have been thinking about that. I want to be a better father, and husband as I seem to have been lacking in both departments recently.” She took a step towards him. “Do you promise?” She looked up at him with big eyes. He cautiously wrapped his arms around her. “I promise. Family comes first, no matter what.” She smiled, meeting in the middle to share a kiss. “Okay.”

[vtforpedro]

long, long health update - tw in tags please read them

I am going to speak very frankly about suicidal ideation; please don't read further if this is triggering for you ;3; but please know that I love you I had my follow-up appt with my neuropsych on monday to go over my results and whatnot. it was virtual, and I was in the middle of a head episode and I told her I wasn't doing well, but within about 5-10 minutes, she was saying I should probably go to the ER lkajflaj I guess it looked pretty bad lmao anyway I told her all the reasons I couldn't. medical trauma, being dismissed b/c I have doctors who manage my headaches, and I know it's not life-threatening even if it is 10/10 agonizing, so why are you here. they're so dismissive. she said that they have medication to possibly help break the cycle of constant migraines but I've been treated with those before and they didn't do shit migraines are secondary to iih. it's the iih that needs to be fixed ._. she said I still deserved to not suffer and that the ER is very strict about keeping covid patients away from other patients and I didn't have the heart to tell her they intubated a covid patient 10-15 feet away from me last time I was in an ER 😭 anyway so the results. she said she wasn't worried about anything going on that was concerning or indicating something wrong in my brain. I DID score quite a bit lower for someone my age on information processing (which is exactly what I said I was struggling with to my two neuros who were both like ehhh) and some issues with memory but they weren't super specific and so it could be something neurological, could be my migraines and constant agony lmao, could be my Emotional State. could be all of them at once, I suppose ;) she went into more detail about some of these things but it was the two questionnaires I filled out that were HNNN. so once all the data is entered from like 300 questions it shows a good look into my personality and perceptions and all that and it makes a cool little graph (OR SO I THOUGHT). the kind that looks like mountain peaks. so she points at the one that is waaay higher than the rest and nearly touching the top of the box and she's like 'do you see this one' me: yeah 😬 her: this is your feelings and ideations about suicide me: 😬 😩 😬 her: when I see a score this high, I stop what I'm doing and I call the police to have them escort you to a hospital me: 😬😬😬😬😬 her: but I didn't do that. because when we spoke in office you told me you felt this way and why you don't do it. you told me it's something you've lived with for a long time and the pain you are suffering is what makes it so bad. and I trust you me: 😭😭😭 okay her: do you see this line down here? this is people who have suicidal ideation recorded on this test. you scored 98% higher on suicidal ideation compared to people reporting suicidal ideation HNNNNNN. she said it probably wasn't surprising to me and asked me if I was safe again and all that. I assured her I was and said in my previous appointment; I've had suicidal thoughts since I was like 12? maybe earlier. there have been very few times in my life not surrounded by abuse and trauma so I'm never really free of it. I've had four traumatic incidents causing increasingly horrible episodes of ptsd in nine years. all through my 20s. still here woo, lol and she said she knew that and had a patient not long after my first appointment who had similar circumstances in their life. and they told her it's almost a comfort having it. cause I was saying it's in the back of my mind at all times and I won't do it, but yeah, it's always there. anyway she said they said the same thing; it's always there, always in the background as 'hey I'm an option!' even though we aren't going to harm ourselves. it's a comfort knowing there is an option even if we plan on never using it? idk it just spoke to me and I felt it in my soul we talked about some emotional stuff after and I cried and it was a thing. it felt really good to speak to a psychologist who, just as she was in the first appointment, seemed genuinely concerned and wanted to help

me. I told her I was ready for therapy and she said she'd already looked for therapists for me lkasjdlkja and gave me a group that I emailed yesterday. I don't think they'll take my insurance but she said to message her through the portal if they don't and she'll try to find someone who does I don't remember if I mentioned it, but since she knew about the head shit before I met her, she dimmed her office lights without asking if I needed it and like as soon as we started the virtual visit, she leaped up and dimmed them and said she should've thought about it before the appt 😭 (I keep my brightness really low on my computer and use the warming feature 24/7 on comp and phone and my apt is really dimmed but it still helped a lot when she did it) she kept saying 'you did nothing wrong. it was the choice of others to do what they did. you don't deserve to carry their choices. you deserve to be able to hand it back to them. you don't deserve to be in pain. you did nothing wrong. you deserve to be free of what they did and you deserve to not suffer in such physical pain' I'm so wary of doctors but I really like her and I feel fortunate to have been referred to her ;3; speaking for a long time and especially emotionally is hard for me, so I might try to do two sessions a month once I find a therapist and see if I'm ok with that. trying to keep everything virtual while delta is out there I read her report and her official diagnosis is uhh really strong for major depressive disorder, severe. and severe ptsd with disassociative symptoms so!!! I claimed both of those on my disability application and the person handling my claim told me when I had this appt to call and let her know because she wanted the info. I signed a release the day I was there when I told my neuropsych that cause MH stuff is different than other medical records. she said she faxed it to the woman handling my disability application but I was gonna call her and ask if she received it and also tell her I have a new neuro so she will probably request his stuff too I called today and her voicemail box is full so lol try again later today's been awful. last night was horrible. got a bill for over $800 from my colonoscopy/endoscopy even though I asked numerous times if insurance was covering it and was told yep, every penny. so I was on the phone with insurance and the surgery center for 45 minutes. insurance seemed confused af but the agent I spoke with got some help from people who handle this stuff I guess finally she told me not to pay it, they're going to send them a letter to get it sorted (idk if this means I won't have to pay it at all or if they're going to try to make it that way. but I think govt insurance, which is what I have, works differently. like doctors kinda have to follow what they say vs. the other way around) and not worry about it for the next 30 days. I'm still gonna worry about it lmao they used a nice scare tactic on the bill that this was the 'LAST AND FINAL NOTICE' despite the fact they've never sent me anything else. my mom and the insurance agent said nah that's just what they do to scare people into paying fuckin love america <3 land of the free. the american dream! greatest country on earth 💜🖕💜 I just don't want it to go to collections and have to fight credit bureaus to get it off my credit so it's not destroyed |: anyway my head hit like 10/10 bad while I was on the phone cause of the talking a lot and trying to PROCESS INFORMATION and stress and also the fucking hold music, which I have to hear in some way b/c I gotta know when they're back on the line hnnnnn bad day. it's 1pm and bad, bad, bad day. bad month all around. I want this shit to stop anyway. I'm sorry about the suicidal ideation talk, but it's important to talk about that stuff. it can get severe but it can also get better. it does, eventually, even if it comes and goes. it always does get better I'm sorry, I also really needed to get this down somewhere. feel like I'm going to explode emotionally AND physically and I need to talk about it. hopefully

soon I'll have a therapist to talk to so I can get a lot of this stuff worked on. got my whole life to chat about so it'll probably take a long time but I'm willing to let it lmao therapy doesn't usually work for me anymore but idk I've had a lot of shit happen in less than two years so maybe it will this time I'm trying! I really am trying if you read this rambling monster, thank you. love you all and please stay safe

[itsuki-minamy]

MEMORY STORIES: THE CURTAIN CLOSES, THE CURTAIN OPENS

* Projects & Chapters

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Ridia

Neko stepped into the mansion to shelter from the heavy rain and lightning. There was an atmosphere where ghosts seemed to appear at any moment in a western-style building with a strict and intimidating feeling that you normally wouldn't want to get too close.

However, every time she tried to take shelter from the lightning and the cascading drops on the eaves, the entire area would turn bright yellow, and the shaky night atmosphere was scary, and Neko desperately snuck into the building through the small open bathroom window and she stepped deeper into the mansion.

At first she thought it was an empty house. There weren't many signs of people. However, admitting that a dim light was pouring in from a room on the second floor, she approached softly, speaking and cautiously.

And at that moment, she was called.

"Oh, something strange has come to pick me up from the other world. Are you a cat or a human girl?"

Neko was shocked and stopped. The lady said with an annoyed voice.

"I don't like it. I'm asking a question. Yeah, but hey, that's fine. Just answer."

Succumbing to the power of only those who were used to commanding, Neko stormed into the room.

"Fuwah, you are selfish..."

When she said that...

"Yes. I don't know what you're saying, but you look like Beppin-san. Come on."

As told, Neko obediently approached the lady's voice. Neko was invited by an old woman who got out of bed and looked to be in her eighties. She was wearing a red nightgown, stretched out her back and put her hands on her knees, but she had an oxygen cannula in her nose and an IV drip in her arm. A medical device that Neko did not understand was installed on the side of the bed and digital numbers were displayed.

"Do you understand, Wagahai?"

Neko had been conducting reconnaissance operations the entire time. However, this old woman saw Neko as a "human girl".

The old woman gave a stifled laugh.

"I've always had a keen intuition. It's like building this mansion with that intuition. Besides, I've been almost blind these days. You don't have to fool me with anything extra."

If she looked closely, the old woman's eyes trembled gray. She must have been a terrifying beauty when she was young and she had a clean face. Neko was intrigued and irresistibly asked...

"Grandma, what are you doing here?"

The old woman gave a high-pitched laugh like a witch. She then cleared her throat a little, and after coughing painfully over and over again,

"Greetings. Did you break in? But that's okay. I like being alone but I don't hate clients. What are you doing? That's right. I mean… I'm dying."

She smiled and said that. That was the meeting between Neko and Madame Fuyuko.

Madame Fuyuko seemed to like Neko for some reason.

"Lives here for a while and talks with me."

At those words, she decided to stay at the mansion. Neko who was tired from long trips was also thankful for the fact that she didn't have to hide her identity and she could eat rice three times without worrying about the night dew or being chased by dogs. Also, she could sleep on a futon and take a bath.

Neko spent most of the day in the room where Madame Fuyuko was, leaving her seat and acknowledging when the medical staff and caretakers arrived. And in the process, Madame Fuyuko realized that, as she put it, she really was "dying".

Although she was in a good mood talking to Neko, she would suddenly turn pale and sometimes painfully call the medical staff of the place. By the way, the staff were sometimes in the waiting room on the first floor, but in most cases they only came for regular visits every four hours. As a result, Neko would sometimes hold her hand and cheer her on until medical staff rushed inside.

"I'm going to die in this loving house that my last selfish mother designed herself. Because she made a lot of money for it."

Madame Fuyuko laughed and replied to Neko that she asked if she would go to the hospital.

Madame Fuyuko then told Neko about the various things that she had experienced. She was an actress at one point and wrote a novel. It was starred twice as a movie. The novel had won a famous award that every expert would know. She once ran a tourism company in Bali and was assigned to an international organization as a diplomatic adviser to a certain country. She spoke six languages, was familiar with art, and had a collection of paintings.

"I can't play it anymore, but I really liked the violin."

She said she in a mischievous way.

"In the end, I didn't have any children or husbands, but I got a lot of different types and nicknames. It was fun."

The name Madame Fuyuko seems to be a stage name when she was a fortune teller using her peculiar intuition. It seems to be the one he liked the most.

And when Madame Fuyuko finished telling her memories, one day she suddenly became serious and said to Neko:

"You should go now. Yes. I don't want to get in the way. I'll probably die in a few days. I know. So I don't want you to see it."

Neko had a feeling that one day she would leave, so she obediently accepted it. Still, the tears naturally spilled over. For a short time, she became fond of that proud old woman. Neko asked:

"Aren't you lonely, Grandma?"

Madame Fuyuko laughed.

"I have lived the way I really wanted to. I enjoyed being alone, having fun, being strong and living. I will never forget those days. And the last option is to die alone. Well, the hands of the doctors will be annoying. I will compensate them with money."

And for the first time she strokes Neko's hair.

"Feel proud and free. That is the most important thing to me. Do you understand?"

Neko blew her nose and looked back at her forehead. The old woman had a sweet voice.

"But you're different from me. Okay? Go find something important just for yourself. I'm sure you'll find it one day."

At that moment, Madame Fuyuko coughed violently. When Neko tried to help her in a hurry, she waved her hand with frightening eyes, saying "Come on! Go away!" She turned around slightly like a real cat and jumped out of the room, knowing that this was the last action to respond to Madame Fuyuko's thoughts.

Madame Fuyuko was laughing with her thumbs up.

She finally sent that message, to whom was old enough to be like her granddaughter. The two never met again.

++++++++++

When she was looking at the heavy rain hitting the window pane, she suddenly remembered Madame Fuyuko. The noble and beautiful demeanor that she had. The toughness she was showing when her death was imminent.

And the last piece of advice she received.

"Go find your own important thing."

At that moment, they called her from behind her.

"Neko. It's almost like rice. Today is Kuro's special okonomiyaki."

"I added as many dried bonito toppings as you requested."

Shiro holding chopsticks and a plate and Kuro in an apron was standing there. A big smile spread across Neko's cheeks.

Neko had traveled all the way since then and finally found him.

Things that seem to be important from the bottom of her heart.

[jamestrmtx]

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Five | Snowy

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

Here's an early update this week to make up for last week's missed update (due to finals). 

As a result, expect the usual update on Saturday, as well!

Also, there’s now a Tag List at the bottom of this chapter -- Feel free to message me or comment if you'd like to be included on the list!

• • •

"...So, did you go to the doctor?"

"Yes, dear."

"And what did she say?"

"It's possible I have anemia or something because of malnutrition."

"What's anemia?"

"That just means I don't have enough blood to stay active and do things as I usually do."

"And why did that happen? You've always made us eat healthy!"

"Frisk, honey…" You sigh and place a hand over your forehead, massaging the ache away. "I get that you're worried, but I need a moment to concentrate. The food'll burn if I keep getting distracted."

"Let me help you, then!"

"Not today. You should do your homework now so I can check it later."

"Why? I can help you if you're busy. And Toriel can help me with that later anyway!"

Needing patience, you stop your work on the stew and let out another breath, longer yet quieter this time. Then, you take a sip of water and set the cup aside to wash for later. "You're not going to see any more of your monster friends until I can at least get to know some of them better." You turn off the stove and let the stew rest while you do the same. "Toriel's an exception, yes. But that doesn't mean I'll allow you to visit her place if people like Sans are going to be there, too."

"But he helps me with science!"

"I'll take care of that, then."

"But you're busy!"

"I can make time."

"But isn't it okay if Toriel's gonna be there with him?"

"If it was, I wouldn't be telling you about this in the first place."

Frisk huffs and pouts, arms crossing as they look away from you. "It's not like he's a ticking time bomb anyway. He… He's not gonna hurt me!"

"How can you be so sure? Your (dad/other dad) left us out of the blue."

"I don't care about him, and he's not my dad anymore! Y- You shouldn't call him that, and you should stop comparing other people with him!"

"Don't talk like that. You know that's not-"

"It's true!" Their words almost come off in a shriek and tears stain their face. "He- He doesn't care about me anymore, so I won't care about him, either. It's his fault why you had to go to the doctor in the first place!" 

You stay quiet and watch as they blink through the tears, sniffling some of them back. Sensing they need a break from your gaze, you turn back to the stove and focus on continuing with the meal.

"I… I was okay with it the first week, but when I noticed how much better we've been doing just with Toriel alone, I- I got really, really mad at him! He doesn't care about us anymore, and he left us even before I ran away. If he wants to show he cares, then… Then he has to do something else besides sending you dumb What'sUp messages all the time."

You stop what you're doing again and catch the salt shaker just as it's about to fall into the pot, stew still resting and waiting for you to finish with flavouring it. Thankfully, the safety lock keeps it from making a mess, so you place it back where it was and thank the Heavens you don't have to salvage the food from being oversalted. When you recover, you stop looking at the pot to meet with Frisk's eyes, directing your widened ones at them.

"How do you know that?"

"It's obvious! Your face always gets all scrunched up and grumpy, and the ringtone's different to all the others."

"And what if it's someone else?'

"You don't text anyone else besides auntie and Sans sometimes!"

Their words hit you like a punch to the gut. 

Having your social life summarized so quickly almost makes you wince, and you feel the urge to ground them simply for those words alone, rather than for their earlier conduct regarding how they talked about Jerry. "I'm afraid I'll have to take your own phone away if you keep doing this. I don't know how you even figured all that stuff out, but you know it's not good to sneak up on things like this. You should ask me if you're curious, dear. And... And not just take a look at those messages whenever I'm not around."

"I haven't snooped around! The messages would show they're read, but all the stuff Jerry's sent you's still unread."

You smile and choose not to mention on how they continue to corner themselves the longer they speak, though you do acknowledge their awareness over small details, taking advantage of that by asking, "So that means you've read auntie and Sans's texts?"

They nod, unhesitating. "I know auntie's been telling you to get in touch with friends again. And you have a tour date with Sans this weekend!"

"Tour date where?"

"The Underground!" 

"And besides those two people, who's the last person I texted, and how long ago was it?"

Frisk stays quiet for a while this time, but it's made clear they're only seeking that information from their memory rather than realizing how far they've dug themselves into a hole. "Your coworker was last month, and one of your friends was two months ago." Their response is confident, although it doesn't take longer than a few seconds of silence between you for them to notice their mistakes. You don't say anything and stare at them with squinted eyes and an equally humoured grin, waiting.  "Um…" They can only stare with wide eyes; their body stays still while their mind processes just what exact mistakes were made. "I…"

"Go shower and dress up, dear," you say, biting back your smile. "We'll eat first before we go, and we can talk on the way there."

"To Toriel's place?"

You nod. "It's about time I met her in person rather than calls. And frankly, it's been… really irresponsible of me to let you continue visiting her despite me not being aware of who she is in person. I only allowed it because Serif was there, but after learning about what he did, I really don't want you near him."

"But you guys are going on a date this weekend!"

"If you're smart enough to know opening a message shows you've read it, then I'm sure you know that's not what that word means in that context."

"...What's context?"

"I won't keep playing your game, dear."

"But what if I really don't know what it means?"

"Then you can find it in a dictionary, or you can ask your tutors about it."

"You're being mean!"

"And you're being nosy."

Frisk frowns and crosses their arms. They attempt an angered expression, though it results in a faltering grimace as they try not to let their sadness known. Their lips stay pressed close together and their body shakes, all signs of them wanting to cry their feelings out. Still, they push through and regain some calm through a sigh. "I…" Their tone is just as reluctant as their posture, so you don't pressure and stay quiet. "I'm sorry, (mom/dad)." They let their arms loosen and stare up at you with stern eyes. "I was just worried about you. I… I didn't mean to look through your stuff. And I… I didn't mean to make you angry. I-"

"I'm not angry." You place a hand over their head and smile, tickling the back of their ear and gaining a smile back from them. "But what you did really wasn't right." You pause and take a breath, already weak and dizzied despite it still being one in the afternoon. "And even though there're times where you have to go against the rules, this isn't one of them. You could've gotten into trouble if it was a stranger or someone else, or you could've learned something the wrong way. If you need to know something, you should ask me directly, not just play spy about it. I won't know what's bothering you if you keep hiding it from me and getting your answers like this. Alright?"

Frisk responds with a hug rather than words. Their hold is tight, and they nearly cling onto you, face pressing against your torso as they cry against it. "I'm sorry," they whisper through their sniffles and hiccups, holding on tighter. "I- I… Could you tell me what's making you sad next time, then?"

"Of course, honey." You place a hand against the back of their head and brush your fingers through their hair. "...I should've done that sooner, too." You smile when they let go and meet with their eyes, these red and watery from the recent cry. "Your hair's getting longer," you add, ruffling it up. "Do you wanna cut it, or do you like it this way?"

"I like it this way!" Their words are as bright as their smile, and another look at them reveals a weight's been lifted off their shoulders. "Should I go do my homework now? I wanna stay with you today."

"Sure," you reply, letting your smile grow. "Do what you already know. I'll be there in a few to help you out."

"Thanks, (mom/dad)!"

With that, they stand on their tiptoes and kiss your cheek. Then, they run off to their room, leaving you to finish with the stew.

 • • •

Frisk's return equals to having a cramped calendar, where every single day's marked down with a sticker and a note to remind you over what you have to do.

Still, it doesn't erase the fact you need time for yourself, so you take up Frisk's concern over your health and happiness as advice for you to take better care of yourself. You start by stretching after an hour long nap, drinking some water, and opening up the envelope the two skeleton brothers had given you. Anticipation arrives with the reminder of what Papyrus hinted at about its contents. You tear it open, pull out the first thing you touch, and continue doing so until there's nothing left to take out and place on your nightstand. You then look at all the items laid out and notice that -- besides the business card Papyrus mentioned -- all other items are what he'd informed were from his brother.

Besides Alphys's contact information, there's...

What looks like a bunny-shaped notepad.

Two admission tickets.

A folded paper with some cards stuck to it.

And, as you feared, money.

If Papyrus mentioned only about Alphys's contact information being there, then it's a likelihood to assume the rest is from his older brother.

You take the notepad first and open it to see the first page has already been filled out, and it reads:

"so, uh… hey."

"i'm not too good at writin' letters, but i thought this notepad would be useful now that you're gonna keep a contact list of all the monsters frisk made friends with. i took the liberty of puttin' in the first ten i could think of. start with those first, and don't push yourself too hard."

The fourth and second to last item from the monster is what looks like an agreement letter and a pair of travel visas attached to it. You squint at the tiny lettering and adjust your glasses to begin with the reading.

"With the approval of former Royal Sentry and Judge, Comic Sans Serif, I hereby allow for (miss/mister) (Y/N) (L/N) to traverse the Underground with him by their side. It is important to note these tickets will expire in three days after their initial use, and that another permit would need to be requested if the user so requires to visit the Underground again. I would also like to let known that it was not in my decision to have all these restrictions made, but it has been requested by the government that we restrict access to the Underground until they determine it is safe for humankind to visit. These visas have been given for the sole sake of having both of Frisk's parents well-informed over their child's journey, and said adults' safety should be provided by mister Serif. Any danger they face at the Underground shall be blamed on him for his inability to keep up with the requirements of this agreement, which include providing (miss/mister) (L/N) specifically with both protection and knowledge alike. A second permit has been provided in case that Frisk's other parent decides to accept the offer, as well. – Asgore Dreemurr."

Below all that is a note written with a soft shade of pencil graphite, allowing you to erase it after reading.

"take care, pal."

Ignoring the smile on your face, you proceed to the third item: two admission tickets for what's titled as 'A Spectacular Drama by Mettaton'. Attached to one of them is a second sticky note along with a shorter memo written down on it. It makes sense as to why the agreement letter had a 'take care' on it, given it's the last item you'd pulled out besides the money. Had you checked them all in that order, that last memo would've been a closing of sorts. 

"there's gonna be a big show in two months. dunno if you and your kid celebrate the holiday, but frisk seemed to like snowdin, so i figured they'd also like seeing a whole bunch of events related to that. it says 'drama' only, but that's just mettaton highlightin' what he finds the most important."

"tell me when the time comes if you're up for it. i can help you get to know the guy better before then."

The money's the only thing left and the only one that leaves questions behind. You take the batch and count in hopes of finding some answers, though the longer you do that, the stranger it gets.

20…

40…

60…

80…

100…

That pattern repeats for two more times, making it three-hundred in total. 

Just as you wonder why you've been handed such a large amount, you have the urge to look at yourself in the coffee table's reflection to see you're not exactly looking any better than before.

Both him and his brother had noticed that. It's almost been two weeks, and yet you've still the same tired look to your face. Constant lost hours of sleep, excessive stress, and practicing a poor diet had left almost irreparable damage on your body and mind alike, enough for even non-human people to notice the change. 

All things considered though, how were you supposed to hate an enemy when they acted like this?

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• • •

Happy Holidays!

I know times are tougher than ever, but stay strong and remember to practice social distancing if you're making small get-togethers with family/those in your same household, apartment, or campus.

Take care, and stay safe. :-)

(Holiday special incoming soon enough!!)

Tag List

@the-simp-express

(This is a temporary format until I learn more about Tag Lists! I'm a Tumblr noob, lol.)

[lilikags]

Take My Hand | Kita Shinsuke

ೃ‧₊› about  this  post ° ➮ Pairing: Kita Shinsuke x reader ➮ Oneshot ➮ Tags: death of a character, angst, comfort (?), a little bit of fluff at the end ➮ Word Count: 2452 ➮ Lyric Prompt: Sinking, falling into despair, a hand reached out and broke through my fears [part of my Promise oneshot series] 

Midterms- something you, and everyone else dreaded. It was one of the two major grades that mattered, and if you messed up, you were pretty screwed. Everyone was scrambling to study, including you. You ran throughout campus, from one end to another, while trying to review the notes and study guides you had made in preparation. There was only a couple of weeks left to study before the tests, and there was way too much to study.

You were just getting to class, when you heard your phone vibrate. It was a call; you’d probably answer later. What if it was something important? No, you’re just anxious because of midterms… you know what? I’ll see who it is first.

When you saw who it was, your eyes widened and you instantly pressed the accept button. Your heart raced as you heard the voice which the phone was connected to. You didn’t know who it was, or what their name was. However, you knew what they were saying was most likely true, but you hoped it was a lie. You hoped it was a dream. It needed to be. You couldn’t go to class. It wasn’t like there was a presentation anyways; anything else comes after. 

You hated that the person’s voice sounded like they’d said this a million times before. Well, they probably have. It was their job after all, to bring people like you this news- news that would make their heart tremble and render everything which previously seemed to be important irrelevant. 

“I have to go…” you told your friends, and you rushed off to the parking lot, where you had parked your car earlier this morning. You were scared- definitely. Suddenly, you started worrying about all the things you usually didn’t bat an eye about. It was definitely at least paranoia, but you couldn’t help but feel it. It might just be more, more than paranoia, perhaps a mixture of panic, overthinking, and worry. 

“Mom, Dad-” you couldn’t figure out what to say. You were all thinking the same thing; it didn’t need to be said. You hugged the two of them. You were all experiencing this, and there was nothing more important than (sister’s name). She had gotten into an accident- on her way to work, she’d been hit by someone- they were also in the hospital. A T-bone accident, apparently.

It wasn’t rocket science to figure out it was deadly; the sides of the car were less protective than the front or back. It was probably negligence, but you couldn't help but feel that the person who hit her was at fault. In fact, it was a fact in your mind. They caused your sister this pain, and they should pay for it. You didn't even know who it was, what their name was, or who they were- you didn’t care. Someone who caused your family this pain didn’t deserve a second of your thoughts.

There were chairs near her room, and you and your parents waited there. Every second felt like a minute, the tears from your parents eyes never stopped. You didn’t know why you couldn’t cry; you wanted to, so bad. Maybe it was a sign, that she’d be alright and you didn’t need to cry. Or maybe you were just hopeful, that she’d survive and everything would be fine and the way it was, that this event didn’t make an impact on your life. 

“I’m sorry, but (sister’s name) didn’t make it,” you heard a nurse stop by, with a disappointed look in her face. You could see the guilt in her eyes; she must’ve tried her best. But that didn’t matter. Whether the doctors tried their best or what, it was the results that matter. What they were supposed to do was save (sister’s name)’s life, and they couldn’t do it. 

The tears made your eyes red, but you didn’t care. It would be weird for you if you couldn't cry, after hearing that. You put down your phone- in fact, you turned it off. You didn’t want to be near anyone but your parents. The three of you cried for each other, and eventually you went back home. 

It was after dinner that you turned your phone on again. Dinner was (sister’s name)’s favorite food, something that your mom had to make. You couldn’t blame her, everyone missed her already. You hadn’t even said goodbye to her this morning; you were too busy looking over your notes. You regretted that. You should’ve told her, “Good luck,” when she left- maybe that would’ve saved her. Who knows. But you couldn’t turn back time- what happened can’t be reversed. 

It started to feel lonely. You had your parents near you at home, in their room, but you didn’t want to disturb them. You didn’t know, maybe they needed some time for themselves. Maybe you needed time for yourself. You didn’t really know anymore. When you logged into your phone, you could see the notifications. You were hesitant to tell them about it. Maybe it was best to keep this to the family, but they’d find out anyways, sooner or later. You didn’t know, but you felt you needed someone to talk to. 

Some of your closer friends knew (sister’s name). She’d hung along sometimes. You’d viewed it as somewhat annoying- this was your time with your friends, so why did she have to come along? Nonetheless, it was still quite a fun time for you. In fact, your friends really liked your sister. She wasn't much older than you; she was only a couple of years older. 

Speaking to someone who didn’t really know you sounded really appealing. They wouldn’t pry; it’d be rude of them to. They wouldn’t get super emotional either; you didn’t want that. You just needed someone to listen to you, and say something, like they kind of cared, but they weren’t distressed by the situation. Making them distressed would only make you guilty, after all. 

You: Hi, Kita. 

Kita Shinsuke: Hello, (Y/N).

You were glad that he didn’t question anything. Perhaps he didn’t know what was going on. Or maybe he didn’t care that much, but you already started the conversation. When your phone buzzed while you were thinking of what to say, it seemed he wanted to start the conversation instead.

Kita Shinsuke: Are you alright? Everyone’s worried about you. 

You: … i don’t know

You: i don’t think i’m ready to tell everyone yet about it

Kita Shinsuke: If you don’t want to tell everyone about it, that’s fine. If you feel comfortable telling me, I won’t tell anyone. Don’t feel bad about it.

You: thanks

You: think we could call? 

Kita Shinsuke: Of course.

You were a little unsure about this, but you already asked to call him. You knew you needed to talk to someone about it, and you don't know why you chose Kita. Perhaps it was because he was next to you in each class you took, but you never really talked to him. Maybe that’s why you felt he knew you and you felt you knew him, but you knew you didn’t really know any facts about each other. It was just a feeling you felt that he kind of understood you, but he didn’t really know you- and that was what you needed at the moment. 

You hovered over the call button, and you finally pressed it. It didn’t take long for him to answer at all. 

“... Hey.”

“Hello, (Y/N).” 

“So, uhm…” You took a moment of silence to gather your words. Now that you were actually telling someone, it took a bit of courage to actually say it. It wasn’t easy to tell someone this right away; there were other people who deserved to know before him- but you didn’t want to deal with their grief until you were better, even just a little better. 

“(sister’s name) died today… she’s-” you took a moment to correct that, “she was my sister.”

“I’m sorry for yer loss.” 

You didn’t know why you were disappointed with that reaction. What else was there to say, though? There wasn’t really anything else though, unless they knew the person. He couldn’t say “Oh, she was a great person”, because the two of you know he never knew her. In fact, he’d never met her, so you were absolutely sure. 

“She got into an accident- a T-bone, apparently,” you continued. You continued to tell all about her. You couldn’t have pictured yourself talking about (sister’s name) this way even yesterday. You had no idea she’d be gone in such a short amount of time, and the thought had never come to mind. 

“And I should’ve said ‘Good luck’ this morning to her- maybe that could’ve helped her-” your voice became more and more desperate as you kept talking- you’d switched from what was great about (sister’s name) to what you should’ve done- what you’d regretted. 

“(Y/N),” Kita interrupted. He was never the type to interrupt anyone, so this took you by surprise, and it even made you just a little hurt. You were talking, so he shouldn’t interrupt you.

“Yer not at fault here.” 

You didn’t know what to say to that. There were so many things you could’ve done that could’ve possibly prevented it- wasn’t it your duty to protect the things you had, before they were gone? 

You listened to Kita talk, and you couldn’t say anything back. It all made sense; there was no way you could have possibly known. That night, you went to sleep with just a little emotion. There was maybe something you needed to do, and you’d be able to do it tomorrow. 

The sticky notes on your desk reminded you that you had midterms to study for, and you dragged yourself out. The emptiness returned when you remembered you couldn’t see (sister’s name) rubbing her eyes as she walked out of her room. 

“Morning…” you greeted your parents, with a bland tone, which in the same tone they responded with. All of your eyes were still puffy from tears, and no one could blame you. You made a bit of breakfast that day, and you headed out to school, taking just a little with you. 

“(Y/N)! Are you okay?” your friends asked you. You saw the group chat messages sent yesterday, and it warmed your heart that they were worried about you, that they cared. Of course, you felt a little guilty not telling them. They could also see from your eyes that you’d been crying, and that was a bit of an alarm- something definitely happened, and there was no hiding it. 

“Mhm… I’ll tell you after class… don't worry about it,” you responded to them. 

“Are ya okay with telling them?” Kita asked. 

“Mhm… I feel guilty not telling them. She was their friend too…” you responded, not even paying attention to the professor. You felt a little guilty for that, as you were paying for that, but you just couldn’t at the moment.

“How- how do I tell them about it?” you asked. You were unsure of how you were going to break it to them, and you couldn’t remember how you told him about it last night. 

You spent the entire class period talking about it, rather than paying attention. This seemed more important anyways.

You met your friends outside, and since there was some time before your next class and your friends had a bit more time than you, you decided to go to a place with not many people.

“So, (sister’s name) got into an accident,” you told them up front. 

“Huh-” you heard your friends’ surprised reactions.

“She didn’t make it…” 

You could see your friends tear up, and all of their faces turned pensive. You could tell they were sad about it, and you’d be lying to yourself if you thought that you weren’t jealous that they wouldn’t be as affected as you. Of course, it was natural, though. 

You cried too, and you were grateful that Kita had brought tissues with him. You ended up using his entire package, which surprised no one. Later, though, you bought him a pack of tissues as a thanks, and he said you could keep it. He insisted, so you just kept them. 

So, over the next few weeks, your friends got more protective of you. They noticed that your parents weren’t doing as well either, and they often came to your house to cheer you up- there were some sleepovers and a party for surviving midterms, which helped a lot. It relieved your parents that you had friends who would do this for you, and they were happy for you. 

Kita often accompanied you home, as being alone just felt too lonely. Your thoughts were the only ones with you, and you didn’t need them at the moment. You appreciated that a lot- and you figured that he was just nice enough to help you out and spend time with you. Perhaps he pitied you. You didn't mind; you knew you were kind of pitiful in your state at that time. He was more helpful that you thought he would be when you first texted him. He was actually great at advice, and you were eternally grateful. He was even extremely kind to your parents as well, and they enjoyed having him around. Meeting him at college was definitely something you never regretted. 

So, you and your friends went to loads of places to try to cheer you (and themselves) up. You smiled much more during that time, and you were happy that you were able to have fun. You certainly did miss (sister’s name), but you couldn’t be hung up on her forever. There was nothing you could do to bring her back, but at least she’d live on in your memories. 

When you thought about it, the years passed by pretty quickly. You couldn’t imagine yourself really far in the future, probably because you didn’t want to feel old. However, this was a day that you had been waiting for. It was a lot of people’s dreams, and you were experiencing it. Lots of people did too, but it was special for everyone. 

Growing dependent on someone is something that happens gradually. For you, it happened over the course of college. You were glad that it happened, because he got you through it- your parents too; he was supportive of your parents too, and they really came to appreciate that as well. 

It was really Kita Shinsuke who brought you out of the dark, whose hand reached out and broke through your fears.

Taglist: @nachotrash​ 

Join my taglist for this series here! 

Series Masterlist

A/N: also, lmk if I didn’t tag right v_v

[writingdayandnight]

Ginger Ale- Jay Halstead Imagine

Request: yn and Jay have been dating for some time. Yn started to feel bad and discovered that she was pregnant, and was afraid to tell jay, but in the end she went to the district and counted in front of everyone. And jay was thrilled and loved the news, being cute in front of everyone - @fofisstilinski

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: Continuation of this drabble right here. Requests are going to be opened soon, but it is almost midterm season so I may take a while to finish something. To be fair though, expediency is not something that should be associated with this blog...........anyways, enjoy!!! x 

You had been horrid for two weeks now. It started off as this emotional whirlwind where you couldn’t decide whether to scream or cry at every little inconvenience. Little inconveniences happen hourly in the hospital. Now, you were just sick. You had no appetite and your body felt exhausted. It was starting to worry you. 

On top of that, Jay had just been sent undercover. You had barely seen him lately, bar that one night where you ruined date night by crying on the bathroom floor. Worrying about his safety had made you feel even more sick. 

“He’s fine, Y/N. Take a deep breath,” Hayley would text you on occasion, but only after you bombarded her and Kim with messages asking if they had heard anything. It didn’t make a difference. 

Today was a quiet day around the hospital, though you would never would say that. It would jinx everything. Still, you appreciated the opportunity to sit down and collect your thoughts after each patient. It made it easier to think of diagnoses. 

“Hey, how’s it going?” asked Will, as he pulled rolled his chair next to yours. 

“Good, I needed a day like this,” you sighed. 

“Yeah, you’ve looked like Hell lately.”

You glared at him.

“I mean it in a concerned friend way,” he said, tossing his arms in the air.

“I’ve felt like crap. I can’t stop crying, I’m either starving or the thought of food makes me sick, and my body hurts. I’ve consumed so much ginger ale in the past 72 hours that I’m expecting a sponsorship from Canada Dry,” you shook your head with a frustrated sigh, “I mean, I cried for twenty minutes this morning because my jeans didn’t fit. I’m a doctor. I don’t need jeans!”

Will let you vent, but you could see the cogs turning in his brain. He was on the verge of offering advice, but Maggie interrupted the two of you. 

“We have two victims coming in. Minor car accident,” Maggie spoke, directing you and Will to separate rooms. 

As the ambulance arrived, the paramedics rattled off the mother’s vitals. She seemed to be in good shape, aside from a few bruises and scrapes, but she was complaining of shortness of breath. 

“Ma’am, I’m Dr. Y/L/N, I’ll be taking care of you today. Can you tell me where it hurts?”

As she rattled off her injuries, you felt a way of nausea rush over you. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath before running the necessary tests on your patient. 

“Are you okay, doctor?” She asked.

“Yes, I’ve just been a little sick lately. Nothing contagious.”

“Have you taken a test yet?” She smiled. 

“Excuse me?”

“A pregnancy test. I’ve had five kids, Dr. Y/L/N, I have a sixth sense when it comes to this sort of thing,” she stated matter-of-factly.

“I actually haven’t,” you spoke, suddenly freaking out about the fact that you may be pregnant. 

It was entirely possible, but was it what you needed right now? You and Jay were only dating. Getting married was something you had mentioned but never discussed in depth. You wanted to wait for children. 

You left the patient’s room and began pacing the hallway. What if you’re pregnant? What will Jay say? Oh my God. What if Jay doesn’t come home? 

Will exited his patient’s room, asking you what was wrong. Although, you didn’t hear him. You were too lost in thought. 

“Y/N!” He shouted, snapping his fingers. 

“Will,” you whispered, “what if I’m pregnant?”

Will’s face lit up. He was excited at the prospect of being an uncle.

“Have you taken a test?”

“Obviously not!” you snapped, before correcting your tone, “sorry, it’s the sugar from the ginger ale. Will you run a blood test?”

He agreed, ushering you into an empty room. He drew your blood, chatting away about baby names and how you were going to surprise Jay. You didn’t pay attention, though. Your mind was somewhere else. 

“Let’s have a bunch of kids,” Jay mused, playing with your hair. 

“Jay, I’m a doctor and you’re a cop. Where are we going to find time to raise a bunch of kids,” you retorted. 

“I say we quit our jobs and buy a big house in the suburbs. I’ll be a mall cop and you can do house calls for the PTA moms.”

“I literally couldn’t think of anything worse,” you laughed. 

“What would we name our kids,” he asked.

“Honey, we aren’t even married.”

“This isn’t 1850, we don’t need to be married to have kids, Y/N,” he sat up to face you, “I’m serious.”

“I don’t know. I think baby names are situational, you know in the moment.”

“Kinda like finding the one. You just know.”

“God, Jay, when did you become so cheesy,” you happily sighed, falling back onto the bed, “we’ve got our lifetime to think about kids.” 

“Maybe we should practice for when the time comes,” he winks, pressing his lips to yours. 

“Practice makes perfect, Detective.”

Finally, the results of your test had come back. You asked Will what the news was, but you already knew the answer. His face was beaming. 

“I’m gonna be an uncle,” he exclaimed, pulling you in for a hug.

Just then, your phone rang. It was Hayley, Time had stopped dead in its tracks. 

“Hello,” you managed to get out, answering the phone.

“Y/N, Jay is safe. He’ll be home tonight, he just has to go through all of the debriefing procedures.”

You exhaled for the first time in what felt like an eternity. You had to see Jay now. There was no waiting until tonight. You told Maggie that you were stepping out for a personal errand and left. 

When you arrived at the station house, Sgt. Platt was at her desk. She was happy to see you, but you had no time for pleasantries. Recognizing your haste, she buzzed you up to see Jay. 

Adam was the first one to notice you. 

“Y/N, long time no see!” 

Jay was in Voight’s office. Normally, you would know better than to disturb them, but you had to tell him he was going to be a father. 

“Angel, hi, what’s wrong?” Jay asked, rushing to your side as you entered the office. 

“Can we talk?”

“I’ll give you two some privacy.” Hank offered up his office.  

“Jay,” you began, “remember how you said you wanted a bunch of kids? And I told you to keep dreaming because I wasn’t moving to the suburbs?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “but did you come all the way down here to talk about that?”

“No, jackass. I came down because I’m pregnant.”

His jaw dropped, as he registered what you had just said. He then wrapped you in a bear hug, kissing your faces a thousand times. 

“I’m gonna be a dad,” he grinned, “I’m gonna be a dad!” 

He opened the office door, “Guys, I’m gonna be a dad!” He shouted out to the rest of the squad.

Congratulations began pouring in. So did the hugs. And the debate about who was going to be the Godparent. 

“I’ve always been Y/N’s favorite,” Kevin pointed out. 

“Well, I’ve always been Jay’s wingman. I was the one that set them up,” Adam defended. 

“Will set us up,” you corrected. 

“I’m Jay’s partner and I had to deal with thirty texts an hour from Y/N when Jay was undercover,” Hayley said, folding her arms.

“I haven’t even had the baby yet. You’ve got a lot of time to prove yourselves. I am currently accepting bribes, though.”

“Don’t say that, I’ll have to cuff you,” Jay smirked.

“The only cuff I want from you is a shiny wedding ring.”

“Ask and you shall receive,” Jay whispered, kissing your cheek. 

[thepoliticalpatient]

How to get your Humira level tested thru Prometheus

I started taking Humira for my Crohn's in July of last year. Getting onto this medication was a gigantic pain in my ass, but I actually think the part that ended up being the hardest was dealing with getting my levels tested, so I wanted to write a post detailing that process. There is lots of info here that I wish I had known at the start. I actually have been wanting to write this post since last September, which was when I actually had the test done, but the whole situation didn't get fully wrapped up until today, 6 months later, and I didn't want to write it until I had complete information.

I will try very hard to make this an informative post and not just a rant but I'm not sure I have the self-restraint tbh.

OK, to start: what even is this test? With biologics, you need to maintain a high enough concentration of the drug in your system, to prevent your body from producing antibodies against the medication, and for it to be effective. My (now former - more on that soon lol) gastroenterologist is pretty passionate about making sure his patients keep a good level and will have them go on a weekly dose instead of the normal every-other-week dose if their levels aren't to his liking.

Importantly, the timing of this test is vital. You can't get it measured in the days immediately after you inject or your levels will be super high. The goal is to find out what the level is when it's at its lowest, i.e. in the day or two before your injection. My (former) gastroenterologist wanted me to get this test done between my second and third doses. That didn't end up happening because of how much of a clusterfuck this whole thing was.

So this test is only done by one company in the United States, Prometheus Biosciences. The name of the test is Anser ADA. They also have similar tests for measuring the levels of other biologics, like Anser IFX which measures Remicade levels (ADA = adalimumab, which is the generic name for Humira; IFX = infliximab, or Remicade). They have tests for Stelara and Entyvio too. If I had to guess, I'd say that the info in this post is probably pertinent to those tests as well, but I cannot guarantee it. I only know for sure about my own experience with Anser ADA.

Because this test can only be performed by Prometheus, it is likely that you cannot just go to your hospital's lab and have them draw your blood. It's possible they will do this draw for you and mail the blood to Prometheus, but you'll want to be certain to clarify this with your doctor.

My doctor's office gave me a lot of extremely wrong information, so I had no idea about this. I actually showed up at my hospital's phlebotomy lab on the morning before my third Humira dose, handed them a form that my doctor's staff had given me that contained the order for the bloodwork, and they took my blood and I thought I was done with it. Then WEEKS later at my next appointment with my doctor, he was like "did you ever get that Prometheus test done?" and I was like "wait do you not have the results back from the blood I gave weeks ago?" and he was like "you absolute imbecile, we can't do that lab for you, you need to schedule that with Prometheus's phlebotomists" (I'm paraphrasing a little bit here). To this day I have no idea what happened to the blood I gave at the lab! I assume they were like "wait what do we do with this lol" and then threw it in the garbage and didn't bother to inform me????

This was just one of many bad experiences I’ve had with this doctor/hospital, but this was the one that finally pushed me over the edge. I have since changed to a new GI at a different hospital (which was its own fucking saga, omg, it should not be so hard to get your medical records transferred from one hospital to another).

ANYWAY, my point is, be very certain to talk with your doctor about whether your hospital can draw this blood for you. If they can't, you have to call Prometheus to set up a draw with them.

Prometheus is located in California but contracts with a network of phlebotomists throughout the country. You can set up an appointment for a phlebotomist to come to your home to draw your blood.

For some goddamn reason, instead of equipping their phlebotomists with the supplies they'll need, Prometheus will mail you a package ahead of your appointment that contains some supplies.

Here's my next pro-tip: Prometheus will use some very scary language to make it sound like you need to be waiting right at the door when this package arrives and to immediately put some of the contents of the package into the freezer or else something terrible will happen. This is not true. What's actually happening here is that the package will contain some shipping supplies, including an insulated container and an ice pack, which the phlebotomist will need in order to store your blood safely. They want you to pre-freeze that ice pack before the phlebotomist arrives so that it will be ready to go as soon as your blood is drawn. That's it. So there's nothing in the package that's gonna, like, go bad or something if you don't get it into the freezer right away.

The whole thing was kind of stressful because I didn't have any tracking info on the package or anything, but it did arrive ahead of my appointment.

Okay so the next big topic here is PAYMENT. This is a $2,500 test, and most insurance doesn't cover it.

Around the same time I scheduled the draw with Prometheus, I sent a message to my insurance carrier to ask whether they would cover the test. The rep who replied to my message needed to know the CPT code for the test and the NPI for Prometheus, which I found on Prometheus's prior authorization form here. The insurance rep then said that this test would require my doctor to complete a prior authorization. If I got the prior auth, then insurance would cover the test at the out-of-network rate, which would require me to pay 35% of the cost. Without the prior authorization, they would deny the claim entirely.

I sent a message to my doctor's office asking them to complete the prior authorization stat, as I had already scheduled the draw with Prometheus and there wasn't much time. I was hesitant to cancel my draw, because that would require me to wait at least another 2 weeks (since you have to time the draw with your Humira doses), and I was already months later on this test than my doctor had originally wanted because of the whole snafu with thinking I could get it drawn at my hospital. My doctor's assistant replied and said she didn't think they'd have time to complete the prior auth, but not to cancel my appointment. She assured me that Prometheus would not charge me more than $75 if my insurance denied the claim.

I was extremely nervous about this. I was mainly concerned because I had found this info about Prometheus's payment assist program, which says that they'll reduce the charge to $75 if your income is below a certain threshold, and mine is not. Based on the info on that page, it looked like I didn’t qualify for any cost reduction, so I was pretty convinced they were gonna charge me the full $2,500.

Looking at the claims on my insurer's website, I see that Prometheus indeed tried to charge my insurance $2,500 for the test, and my insurance denied it. There is an additional $50 claim to my insurance, which insurance did pay, which I think was for the cost of having the phlebotomist visit my home.

Prometheus sent me several mailers about their payment assist program, which I just ignored because my income is too high. And for the next 6 months I sat anxiously waiting to receive a bill in the mail for several thousand dollars.

Well I'm happy to report that today, I finally received the bill from Prometheus, and it is for $75. I don't know why exactly they reduced it to that amount, but I am certainly not going to complain.

Now, I'm not certain of this, but my GUESS would be that the $75 rate is only for people who are doing self-pay. So, hilariously, if I had gotten the prior authorization done on time, my out of network coinsurance would have required me to pay 35% of the total claim, which would be $875. So, I mean....I can't guarantee that your experience will be the same as mine, but it seems to me like it is to your advantage to not go through your insurance for this test.

Oh, and Prometheus will NOT hold your test results hostage while they try to get paid. They sent the results to my doctor soon after the draw. And my levels were good!

ANYWAY, this was long, but I wanted to share everything I wish I had known before going through this. I hope it will help someone else who is trying to navigate this process!!!