#and while chris will move back in with eddie eventually i think eddie needs the space to get out of his own head and WORK THROUGH HIS ISSUES

[deadnatura11]

What if Eddie’s 'refresh' and 'restart' comes about because Chris moves in with Buck, forcing Eddie to define himself outside of being a father and he has to come to terms with what he wants vs. what he thinks is good for Chris in s8.

Meanwhile it's also isolating himself because he feels like he doesn't deserve to see Chris after hurting him like that, because Chris is still angry at him and HURT, and because Chris is at Buck's and Chris is watching Buck Eddie distances himself from Buck, too, because he feels unwelcome?

[eddiediazismyhusband]

thinking about the possibility of eddie’s sexuality crisis coming after buddie canon like…

he and buck start dating and in eddie’s mind he’s justifying it like “i’m not really into men im just into buck” and buck is the supportive boyfriend bc obviously eddie’s the only one who knows himself, and eddie labeling himself doesn’t matter to buck bc all that matters is that they’re the happiest they’ve ever been together

but then they have sex for the first time (obviously we don’t see anything bc this is abc not hbo) but while buck is in this perfectly blissed out state, eddie is panicking bc holy shit… is that what sex is supposed to feel like? like i thought i enjoyed sex before because i got off and that was that but this was…. what the fuck?????

and we get this sort if spiral moment where eddie wonders if he’s been gay this whole time and has just been lying to himself and is wondering what that means for him and shannon? like yeah he moved on from her but… looking back did he ever really need to? were the feelings for his girlfriends just misplaced feelings for buck this whole time? has he always felt this way?

and it gets to a point where buck thinks eddie is pulling away from him, and he gets really in his head about it remembering when eddie said that sex just complicates things, and how eddie had that whole crisis over marisol, and then buck had broken up with temu and chris was in texas so both of them were in weird places mentally and oh my god did i force myself on him? is he miserable bc he realized im not actually what he wants? is he going to leave me like everyone else does?

and meanwhile eddie is in therapy telling frank that he’s never felt this way about anyone before and that he thought he was enjoying sex before but it had never been anything like what it was with buck- that before it had been a means to an end but with buck it just felt right… and then frank has a really deep conversation about sexuality and eddie’s catholic guilt and explains that only eddie can decide if labeling himself is important or not

then we get eddie making a choice to either label himself or to not label himself (bc all that matters is that bucn is who he wants to be with; im not picky bc i have always been a gay/demi eddie truther, but unlabeled eddie has so much playing room and they could explore so much with that but i also know that realistically they probably wouldn’t put that much thought into the actual label but i digress)

and then we get a Kitchen Scene™️ where they are both super quiet and eddie tells buck they need to talk; buck automatically assumes eddie’s breaking up with him and starts apologizing to eddie and telling him he will give eddie some time and space, telling eddie that he will move on eventually like he has from everyone else. eddie is like “what?” and buck is like “aren’t you breaking up with me?” and eddue is horrified bc oh my god have i really been that distant? has my crisis really pushed me away that much that i made him think i wouldn’t tilt the earth on its axis for him if he asked??? and eddie explains his side of things, ending his little speech by saying “i love you” for the first time, and buck gets teary eyed and says it back and they share a soft kiss and eddie is like “it’s never felt like that before” and buck admits “it’s never felt like that for me either… but i think that’s what being in love does” and the episode ends with a fade to black of eddie leading buck out of the kitchen and down the hallway

[ivegotyourbackbuddie]

Being in the Diaz home without Chris around is… weird.

Really there are hundreds of different words that Buck could use to explain the absence, but weird is what fits best at the moment.

It’s not like he and Eddie haven’t hung out alone in the house while Christopher had been at school or a friend’s house. But knowing that Chris is states away with no confirmed return date… it’s weird.

They haven’t really spoken about it much - avoiding Eddie’s house, wordlessly going to Buck’s equally empty apartment that nonetheless contains less of Chris’s essence.

Of course, it’s still there. They avoid the gaming system, the drawer filled with Chris’s clothes, the bin full of Lego’s…

But at Eddie’s, it’s not like they can just… avoid the whole house.

Which is why Buck was surprised to get a message from Eddie reading Come over? Which Buck had replied omw while racing to get his shoes on.

He had let himself in with his key, calling out for Eddie only to get no response which set off all the alarm bells in Buck’s head. He forced himself to stay calm, trying not to think of the time he had rushed over there only to find a scared Chris outside a room Eddie had taken apart piece by piece as if trying to represent the brokenness he felt within.

“Eddie?” Buck calls out again, trying to ignore the way his voice wavers as he paces through the house opening the door to Eddie’s room and finding it all in one piece. He sighs in relief but tenses again when he still doesn’t see Eddie. But then it hits him exactly where he is.

He slowly walks down the hall, hesitating and listening in at Chris’s door but not hearing anything before opening it.

He spots Eddie quickly, sitting on a chair next to Chris’s bed. It reminds him of the times when Eddie used to read him stories before bed, voice taking pitches Buck had never heard before all to make a giggling Christopher shriek with loud laughter.

The silence in the room hangs almost as heavily as Eddie’s head in his hands.

“Eddie,” Buck says softly as he walks up to him slowly as if approaching a wild animal, knowing he needs the time to adjust to his presence in the room.

Eddie glances up at him, eyes red-rimmed and wet, but Buck can see that he isn’t one breath away from fully breaking like he has been before. “Hey, Buck,” he replies wetly.

Buck kneels in front of the chair, opening his arms to Eddie who drops his weight into them, squeezing around his shoulders as if he were Chris. “I miss him,” Eddie whispers.

“I do, too,” Buck says, allowing a few tears to slip from his own eyes as he glances at the empty bed. He lets Eddie take as long as he needs in the hug, ignoring the ache in his knees that’s not even comparable to the ache in his chest.

Eventually, Eddie loosens his embrace and moves back, wiping his eyes and chuckling as if it’s the only thing keeping him from crying more. “Let’s get some beers, yeah?” Eddie asks, standing up, and offering a hand to Buck who gladly takes it.

They silently make their way to the kitchen, Buck watching Eddie carefully, trying to anticipate if he needs to talk or be distracted when Eddie’s phone lights up and plays the honking text tone alert.

They both freeze, knowing it’s Chris’s text tone which always made him laugh especially when he would text his dad while in the same room as him. Eddie would always play along with the bit asking, “I wonder who this could be.” While Chris would simultaneously laugh and groan, “Dad.”

Eddie grabs the phone off the counter with shaky hands and reads the message multiple times as if he can’t quite believe what it says. But Buck waits patiently, although all he wants to do is rush over and read it over his shoulder or even snatch the phone out of his hands.

But before he can do anything too impulsive, Eddie glances up with a mixture of shock, relief, and panic when he says, “Chris says he misses me and wants me to come to El Paso.”

Buck smiles but sees that Eddie isn’t doing the same. “That’s a good thing, right?”

Eddie shakes his head and shrugs, internally spiraling a bit. “I don’t know. Yes, it’s good that he misses me. But he didn’t say he wants to come back or he wants me to just briefly visit then come back or how long he wants me there. For all I know, this could be a trial run to see if he ever wants to come back here.” Eddie puts down the phone and wipes his hands over his face. He sighs and drops his hands, expression changing from confused to determined yet still mildly panicked. “I have to call Bobby. But I don’t know if he’ll let me take a temporary leave without doing paperwork that all needs to be approved, but I need to go now.”

Buck makes his way around the counter and puts a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, thumb resting in the dip of his collarbone, mirroring the same stance Eddie uses that always calms Buck down. “I’ll call Bobby, okay? He knows the situation, and he’s more than reasonable when it comes to family. You start packing and looking for tickets for the soonest flight.”

Eddie's shoulders relax as he nods. “Right.” He steps away from Buck as he makes his way to his room, but he pauses and turns around quickly. “Buck?”

Buck hums in response.

“Thank you,” Eddie states, eyes firmly on Buck’s filled with an abundance of gratitude.

“Of course,” Buck replies with a small smile, hoping Eddie is too distracted to read the love written all over his face. And he must be since Eddie takes off soon after.

Buck lets out a calming breath as he processes everything and tries not to get ahead of himself with joy that Chris might be coming back.

A quick phone call later, Buck is once again trying to think of how he can ever repay Bobby for the endless understanding and love he has for the team. He makes his way into Eddie’s room and fills him in on the situation with Bobby currently making a new schedule - already knowing several people who have been asking for overtime and others begging for a chance to work at the 118. Buck can see Eddie going through the same emotions as he did moments before, but they remain for a few seconds longer when he approaches Buck and hugs him tightly, thanking him again.

Buck just holds him and asks, “Have you found a flight?”

Eddie nods, pulling away to hold up his phone. There’s already a confirmation email for the ticket he bought. “There’s a flight that leaves tonight in a few hours.”

“Let me drive you to the airport then,” Buck says, with no room for argument. Eddie only fixes him with a look that has Buck preparing for another hug, but Eddie shakes his head a little and looks down as if telling himself he can’t ask for more.

Buck doesn’t comment on it, but he does check through Eddie’s bag, making sure he didn’t miss anything in his rush, only for Eddie to shove his shoulder against his and say, “If I forgot anything, I’ll just buy a duplicate.”

Buck glances at Eddie's nightstand and grabs his charger, handing it over. “I know you say that, but I also know how much you hate duplicates of anything other than clothes.”

“And ‘Best Dad Ever’ mugs.”

“And those,” Buck says with a fond eye roll, remembering all the times Eddie has insisted that he doesn’t need any more mugs, only to immediately change his tune when Chris holds up a dad mug. “Come on, you don’t want to miss your extremely convenient flight.”

Eddie huffs out a laugh in response but doesn’t disagree.

The drive to the airport is quicker than Buck expected, and when they get there, Buck finds himself parking instead of merely dropping Eddie off. But Eddie doesn’t comment on it. Honestly, it’s as if he was expecting it.

They walk at a leisurely pace, now that they both know that unless something goes horribly wrong, Eddie won’t miss his flight.

“You have your ID and your phone is charged enough to display your ticket?” Buck asks.

Eddie smiles and knocks his shoulder against his. “As I’ve already said three times, yes to both.”

Buck nods, but he feels an overwhelming sense of dread fill his gut. Then, it suddenly hits him that the last time he dropped off someone at the airport was… Abby. And with the departure gates right in front of him, Buck can almost picture that moment when she walked away, and the tiniest voice had told him that it was already over and she was never coming back. It seems to be a tragic theme in his life.

“Hey,” Eddie says firmly, taking him out of the memory. “You okay?”

Buck just nods at him, pasting a small smile on his face. “I just wish I could see Chris, too.”

He knows that Eddie can see that it’s something else chewing him up inside, but they both don’t comment on it.

“Well, thank you again,” Eddie says, lingering in Buck’s space.

Buck hugs him, knowing Eddie isn’t going to take the initiative again. “You know you’d do the same thing for me.”

“Yeah, with a lot more complaining,” Eddie jokes startling a laugh out of Buck.

They both pull away after lingering for a few seconds longer than many friends would. They stare at each other, searching each other’s gaze for something that they’re not able to find - call it stubbornness or obliviousness, but love is there loud and clear to anyone else who merely glances at them.

“I’ll be back soon, and I’ll be giving you play-by-plays of everything,” Eddie reassures him.

Buck just nods, remembering Abby’s promise to call and text every day until those eventually dwindled down to nothing on her side.

“Bye, Eddie.”

“Bye, Buck,” Eddie says with a soft look, turning to leave.

Buck stays and watches, debating if he has the strength to turn and walk away even when he’s out of sight. But to his surprise, Eddie gets through the doors and glances back.

Abby never glanced back.

Then, Eddie rushes back, apologizing to a woman he nearly runs over in the process but continuing on his way back to the doors. “Come with me!” He nearly yells, attracting multiple people’s attention, but Buck doesn’t notice - too distracted trying to process what he has just said.

“Come with me,” Eddie says again, much closer this time. “I know it’s last minute. And you don’t have your bags or anything, and I don’t know if there’s even another ticket left on this flight. But please. Christopher loves you so much, and he would love to see you.”

Buck shakes his head, smiling in disbelief, “Eddie, I can’t just ask Bobby to take us both off the schedule for an indefinite amount of time.”

“He’s done it before! We’re always getting injured together. What’s a few days off going to do?”

Buck smiles and steps in closer. “Eddie, you’re going to be fine. You can do all of this without me there.”

“I know I can, Buck. But I want you there. Don’t you see?” Eddie asks and steps closer, “I want you by my side while I deal with my parents and this whole situation. Even without all of this I would want you to bet there.” And pauses to take a deep breath and fix Buck with a look that pierces deeply. “And I don’t want you to think I’m leaving you. I would never do that. I could be gone for years, and I would never stop thinking about you and messaging you. I could never just forget you. I’m always going to come back for you. No matter the time or the distance.”

Buck’s heart hammers in his chest at the confession that chips away at every insecurity he felt when Abby had left. All the things the tiny voice would say are being directly challenged by everything Eddie says. But this time… Buck realizes the voice wasn’t even there to begin with. Sure, the memory of the voice is loud and clear but… when it’s Eddie? Nothing.

All those years ago, he would’ve gone with Abby in a heartbeat. He would’ve abandoned everything to stay with her and try to make her happy. But now…

Now he knows what it’s like to be truly loved. And to trust the person he loves to come back to him.

So Buck just grabs Eddie’s hand and whispers, “I love you. And that’s why I’m telling you that you can do this on your own. Because I’m going to be here the whole time, waiting for you to come back and making sure everything is okay while you’re away. We’ve already basically built a life here together, and I’m not going to ever risk throwing that away. Plus, I think Bobby would kill us both if we suddenly decided to run away and take Christopher wherever he wants because we both know that’s what would happen if we went together.”

Eddie smiles and laughs, eyes a bit misty as he nods. “Maddie would kill me if I took you away from her.”

Buck smiles softly. “I think she would try, but ultimately she’d be happy for us.”

Eddie nods in agreement but his expression changes from fond amusement to steadfast fondness. He pauses before saying, “I love you, too, you know.”

“I know. Especially after that confession. Really dramatic of you, Diaz.”

“Like you can say anything, Evan,” Eddie laughs.

And Buck can’t help but notice the way that his name falls off his lips, always in a way that screams love but he never noticed before. He shakes his head and laughs, “How long have we been in love with each other but too dumb to realize it?”

Eddie shakes his head and says, “I don’t know. I think I loved you a bit ever since you were an asshole to me and tried to call yourself my elder.”

Buck laughs loudly before sincerely saying, “I think I loved you the moment I laid eyes on you.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “I think you felt that way more about Chris than about me.”

“Maybe.” And yeah, that’s probably one hundred percent true. Buck gets a sudden idea that has him frowning and tilting his head. “Hey, how much longer do we have to stay idiots who haven’t kissed even after we confessed our love for each other?”

Eddie laughs and shakes his head, turning away to say, “Dios, Buck. I’m not going to let our first kiss be outside an airport. That’s a little dramatic even for us. I’d much rather it be in my kitchen when I bring Christopher back to us.”

Buck steps closer and tilts his head down. “How about we make that our second kiss?”

Eddie bites the corner of his lip and glances around before saying, “Fuck it,” pulling Buck in right then and kissing him chastely before pulling back. “And don’t ask to do that again because I don’t want Athena to arrest us for public indecency.”

“And you say I’m the dramatic one,” Buck laughs, trying not to pull Eddie in for another kiss.

“Because you are,” Eddie says, backing away. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah,” Buck replies, knowing that no matter how long Eddie is gone, soon will never be soon enough. But that’s okay. Because he knows he’ll always have his back. And that’s more than enough for him.

(Ao3 Link yay!!!)

[yourbestbuddie]

So I was having a conversation with my friend about Eddie and Buck and Tommy (I sent her a theory I had and we were shooting thoughts back and forth), and eventually it evolved into a deep dive analysis of Eddies character and psyche (surprise surprise).

We got to the topic of Buck never really being the first choice.

Until this point the conversation had been anti-Tommy, and I said this, and my friend pointed out that Buck (as of now) wouldn’t be Eddie’s first choice either. We bounced that thought around for while before coming to the conclusion that Eddie’s first choice wouldn’t currently be Buck because he isn’t aware that Buck’s allowed to be his first choice. Eddie is, like, super repressed. He’s all into the idea of finding a wife so Christopher can have a mother. His father drilled all these ideals of ‘be a man’ into his mind since he was a child.

This man is obsessed with the idea of conventionalism. Buck being his first choice (even though he’s his best friend and the person who’s always there for him and keeping him grounded) isn’t nuclear, so he doesn’t allow himself to even consider the idea that Buck could be a first choice, hence the recurring plot of finding a girlfriend (because he wants Christopher to have a mother, and having a wife is conventional and nuclear, and generally expected when raising a kid).

But for Eddie, he never understands why his relationships don’t work (he finds problems with them pretty quickly, but he never gets the whole big picture). He has panic attacks whenever someone thinks Ana is his wife, and forget any of them ever moving in! EVERYTIME it’s brought up, and even when it HAPPENED he freaked out and shut it down.

Eddie doesn’t understand that he already has everyone he’s looking for in Buck. Someone who he can hang out with, someone who gets along with Christopher and be a parent to him. Buck is obviously very comfortable in the Diaz household, and in their dynamic. He cooks them dinner, he helps Chris with his homework, whenever he’s overwhelmed he goes to Eddie’s house. He feels safe there. And Eddie is completely fine with all of this. He wrote Buck into his fucking will as Christopher’s legal guardian after two years of knowing him.

Eddie is terrified of commitment until it comes to Buck.

And he’s too busy with his ideas of conventionalism and what’s been drilled into his head that he doesn’t see that everything he’s so obsessed with finding is right there beside him. More often than not he wouldn’t have to look more than six inches to his side because Bucks always standing practically on top of him.

He ends up sabotaging every relationship he’s in before it can get serious because he doesn’t want to be with them, but thinks he has to, for Christopher. In a roundabout way, Eddie’s first choice has always been Shannon. And I’m not even convinced he was ever in love with her. I do believe he loved her, that’s been shown time and time again, and the fact that he keeps looking for her in all these women, someone to be her for Christopher. He was in love with the idea of her. Someone who could be Christopher’s mother and who could be his wife.

But I genuinely don’t think that he was in love with her, and the fact that they keep digging her hole deeper and deeper when she’s been dead five seasons is an insult to eddies character because fuck he deserves to move on and accept the fact that she’s gone and he has other people in his life and Christopher’s who will support them. I think it made sense for his arc to have it be lasting, I mean that was his wife. He cared deeply for her. But he was going to go through with that divorce, and he was going to be okay without her being a constant in his life again. He accepted that fact before she ever came back into his life. I think they need to stop using her as a plot device and twisting her back into Eddie’s life every time he thinks he’s moved on.

So he thinks he has to fill this Shannon sized hole and is constantly looking for ways to do that without realizing that he doesn’t NEED to and he’ll be supported either way. He already does that with Buck, he just hasn’t realized yet.

He doesn’t think bucks an OPTION which is why until he has that realization buck WONT be an option. It’s like a little locked door in his mind and once he finds the key it’ll all unravel and he’ll realize what he’s been so closed off to even imagine the entirety of their friendship. Then he’ll freak out, but eventually he’ll chose buck because in a roundabout way he always DOES but this time it will be CERTAIN and it will finally all be clear to him.

Anyway, this is my two cents, I don’t care if you agree or disagree but this is what I’ve gathered from what I’ve seen on my screen, and I thought I’d share it.

[buddiebeginz]

I have so many thoughts swimming around my head after that ep not sure I'll make much sense but here goes.

My feeling about Eddie cheating is that even if it might not seem like it on the surface it is very much connected to his sexuality (and eventual coming out). It’s also a big warning sign that he’s not in a good place mentally.

Eddie has always tried to do the right thing. He tried to do what Shannon wanted. What his parents wanted. To do right by Chris. He’s been in these very strict positions of the military and firefighter most of his life. Never taking much time to examine who he is and what he really wants. Just doing what he thinks he has to do and should do.

Looking back on how this season has been playing out I’ve noticed that we’ve been slowly watching Eddie let go of all these rules he has for himself. Just look at how he was at the bachelor party. I don’t know if he’s ever really allowed himself to be so uninhibited liked that before. He just let loose and was enjoying being with Buck and at no point was Marisol brought up at all. There was also a lot of queer subtext in those scenes drag queens, Eddie in pink, Eddie as Crockett, Eddie’s shirt getting ripped off by men (including Buck), Buck and Eddie sitting pressed up together.

Before that Eddie was spending a considerable amount of time with T*mmy to the point that he kept ditching Chris to run off and leave his girlfriend to be his babysitter.

Then there was moving Marisol in and back out again while Chris wasn’t even there and without telling him. When the show has made it a point to always show how much Eddie takes Chris’ feelings into consideration especially with his relationships. But that’s the thing Eddie’s mindset this season has become do first think later and damn the consequences.

Now we have Eddie using this woman Kim he just met as a Shannon replacement but more so as a distraction from his girlfriend and just reality in general. Which this whole situation involves Eddie lying and sneaking around and a disregard for everyone’s feelings involved including Buck’s.

I know some might say how out of character this all feels for Eddie but that’s the point he’s changing and this is how it’s manifesting at the moment. Going back to Eddie’s sexuality I feel like before we can get to a place where Eddie can admit he has feelings for Buck (or any guy for that matter) we’re gonna see him spiral a bit to deny it even to himself. To reach for what feels the most safe instead and that’s his relationship with Shannon.

I think Eddie loved Shannon and will always have love for her but they got married more out of Eddie feeling obligated than anything else. Eddie also hides behind his feelings for Shannon. She’s come to be like this security blanket for him which is understandable in a way given how much history they share. She’s connected to his youth and she’s Chris’ mom, there is so much familiarity there but those memories are also keeping him stuck and unable to move forward.

At the end of season 6 Buck almost dies and I think that is really when Eddie started thinking about Shannon again. I also think Buck almost dying made Eddie realize (on some level) how important Buck is to him and that terrified him because he can’t handle losing Buck the way he lost Shannon. There’s also the Chris of it all which was further highlighted in 7x01 when Chris talked about how everyone leaves like his mom did. Some part of Eddie still wants to give Chris this perfect idylic family he thinks he needs when no one will ever replace Shannon and Chris already has two parental figures.

I know we’ve been mostly focused on Buck and his coming out story this season (and rightfully so) but I also think we moved on too quick from how much time Eddie was spending with T*mmy, how they said Eddie and T*mmy were originally going to be paired together, and Eddie’s reaction when Buck came out to him. How he was shocked that Tommy was gay and also seemed to be holding back some feelings. Eddie also immediately went home and told Marisol to move out after that convo.

Now we have Eddie dating Kim (I assume), in a relationship with Marisol, and lying to his best friend and son. Which btw if Eddie and Buck are just friends why does he need to lie to him at all? Is it maybe because Eddie knows that Buck gets him better than anyone and would not hesitate to call him out if he knew what he was doing?

I just think a lot of how Eddie is acting right now is wrapped up in so many feelings he hasn’t dealt with yet. I know from personal experience the more you try and avoid dealing with things the worse it’s gonna get. Eddie also has a lot of past traumas and pains. From his childhood, the army, from his relationship with Shannon and how she died, from guilt over not being there for Chris, from things he’s seen on the job, almost losing Buck, his repressed sexuality. You can’t keep all that bottled forever sooner or later you’ll snap.

Maybe that comes out in the form of trashing the hell out of your room maybe in cheating with your dead wife’s double. Either way Eddie is careening towards having to fully deal with himself and all the things he’s compartmentalized for so long. He’s put himself in a situation which guarantees he can’t run away this time. Because I do think it’s all going to blow up spectacularly in his face. He’s going to have to deal with why he’s still clinging to Shannon. Why he didn’t want to really invest in a relationship with Marisol. Why he can’t commit to all these women yet he’s been committed in one way shape or form to Buck for years now.

Hoping I made some kind of sense here. If you read all of this thanks. ❤️

[try-set-me-on-fire]

fire/743865538051227648/hm-amnesia-happily-married-buck-hes?source=share i can already picture this being such a bang the way you write them being in love i'm thinking of eddie unwavering support in the fic where buck sees people start to disappear when they are going to die and he starts to, so i'm already being like oh yeah this would be so so good. (now i'm will go off to read you most recent bang i need to finish some homework and i can finally start reading it i'm so excited)

(Post) Endless love in his heart for that man!! Was working on this a little last night, thought I’d share for tease tidbit tuesday/wip Wednesday

Buck lays down like someone unused to sharing a bed, all stiff and careful, cautiously contained to his side. It's another little heartbreak because Eddie knows this man in sleep, knows that only a few days ago he woke up and nearly fell out onto the hardwood with how much Buck had wrapped around him, inching them closer and closer to the edge of the mattress. Come here, Eddie wants to say. Be greedy for me. You can take all the space you want. If I fall, I fall.

“You need anything?” He asks instead. “I put your painkillers on your side table, did you grab your water?”

Buck looks behind him. “I assumed the one with all the frog stickers was mine.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, sort of a laugh. “There was… last spring there were some frogs living in our yard. Actually, uh- toads. Western Toads are most common around here, you and Chris are pretty sure that’s what they were, but you got into amphibians generally for a while there.”

Buck nods, still looking at the bottle. A stormy blue YETI, Eddie had given it to him as a kind-of birthday, kind-of anniversary present, those two dates so close together as they are. He’ll be 35 this year, and they’ll have been together for three years. They’d been thinking of taking a trip somewhere to celebrate the milestones. Eddie tries to remember when in the year the hand sanitizer factory fire was. Before Buck’s birthday, he’s pretty sure. 29, waiting to be 30. They hadn’t done anything big when it came around because Jee-Yun had been born and Albert had his accident and Eddie had been shot.

“You're sure it's okay that I'm sleeping here?” Buck asks it up to the ceiling, quietly, body tensed like he’s expecting to be told to leave.

“Yeah, Buck.” Eddie's hand rests in the no man's land between them, and he wishes he could just reach out and touch and be sure of how that touch would be received. “It’s absolutely fine. Unless you don't want to-”

“No, that's the fucking thing, Eddie.” Buck rolls back over to face him, a helpless kind of frown weighing on his features. “I- you have no idea how much I want-” he cuts himself off, digging his palm into his eye, just breathing for a few long moments. “But I guess you do,” he sighs eventually, lowering his hand and blinking at Eddie across the pillow cases. “You know… all of this already so- so I guess I don’t have to- I can just tell you…”

“You can tell me anything,” Eddie promises.

Buck searches his face and then blinks, hard, like he’s steeling himself. “Eddie. I-I love you, so much, but I- right now- o-or, back then? I thought I was going to take that to the grave. But we’re…” he looks down at Eddie’s hand between them. His left hand, his ring shining in the warm light of their bedside lamp. “I don’t understand. I don’t know how we got here, I don’t know how- how you could be in love with me, e-enough to marry me? I still feel like- like you’re going to say just kidding any second now. You deserve- more, I- why me?”

“Buck.” It comes out as a whisper, not entirely intentionally. He moves his hand forward, enough to tangle his fingers in Buck’s shirtsleeves, he can’t help it. “I… You know I was in love with you back then, too?” Buck's eyes widen in surprise, and Eddie hangs on tighter. “I'm sorry I couldn't say it yet. I could barely even admit to myself. But… half the time- most of the time I was with Ana I just wanted to come home to you.”

“Ana?” Buck raises a questioning eyebrow.

Fuck, right, that hadn’t quite happened yet. “Uh- a very nice girl who’s time I wasted. What I mean is- You are loved. You have been, the whole time. By me now, by me then. I don’t deserve more, Buck, all I ever want is you.”

Tagging @eddiebabygirldiaz @lover-of-mine @shitouttabuck @jeeyuns @buckactuallys @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @chronicowboy if you have any wips to share this week!

[nqueso-emergency]

Let’s play into a hypothetical here. What if everything in the show happened the same but instead of Buck and Eddie dating Taylor and Ana in season four/ five they dated each other. Season four happens as usual, the shooting happens, but then the infamous will scene sparks “feelings realizations”.

Mind you Shannon is still dead, and I do think the loneliness arc for Eddie would still happen. Buck would likely help it some but to me it’d still be inevitable. Eddie would still react to Chris blowing up on him about potentially dying. (Which to me is fair and makes sense, because one Chris is a child and two Chris is his own person with his own feelings and not just some prop for buddie). So we still have Eddie quitting and eventually going to therapy.

But as we saw in season seven the therapy doesn’t really seem to help him move on from Shannon. While I do think it could have been a moment where he moved on from Shannon, it’s clear that’s not the direction they took because of what happened in season seven. We still get Eddie meeting Kim and have that whole debacle because the main cause is Eddie still isn’t over Shannon.

The issue wasn’t Eddie not liking Marisol enough or him not being in a place of loving her yet. It was he’s stuck on the idea and memory of Shannon. So even if he, in this hypothetical, loves Buck he’d still likely get caught up in the idea of Shannon. Being with Buck wouldn’t “fix him” or get him to move on from Shannon. Eddie needs to get rid of the safety net he has in his mind that is built around Shannon.

I don’t think this is a bad faith look at Eddie’s character because I don’t like that he’s still hurting others and himself because he’s not over Shannon. I don’t want him to be like this and I’d like to see him move forward from this and continue developing as a person. But unfortunately it’s still where he’s at. And I know that there’s other things that would have changed if this hypothetically happened. But we don’t know what those changes would be because this didn’t happen. So I can’t take them into account.

I wish some of these people could take a step back and actually look at the characters because what they want would end up being an unsatisfying mess. It wouldn’t fix anything, it would just add more loose ends and dropped plot points. It’s a major disservice to who these characters are.

I have a crush on you, anon

[breathe-2am]

118 Blunt Rotation Headcanons

Bobby: does not partake, but the ultimate trip sitter. Keeps the chaos generally controlled, but finds everything very funny, in a i-will-tell-you-about-this-tomorrow-and-you-will-cringe kind of way. Disappears for an hour and come back with homecooked food, everyone is beside themselves in gratitude. Starts telling a funny story about this one time he Smoked Pot, but about halfway thru he along with everyone else realizes its not funny and is probably something he should talk to that twink priest about.

Hen: laughs at EVERYTHING. Finds a random object like a ballpoint pen or a half full bottle of water and its THEE most fascinating thing shes EVER seen. Gets up to go to the bathroom, doesnt come back, when they go looking for her shes just staring at herself in the mirror. Very in her feels abt how she loves her friends. Says she needs to change shirts at one point bc she hates the fabric actually. Comes back in an entirely different outfit.

Chimney: a yapper. Every thought in his brain is out his mouth. Running commentary of the happenings. Jokes make less and less sense but hen finds them funnier and funnier. Talks with his hands to a dangerous extent. Eating whatever bobby made w his fingers, which is not a good combination when he gestures too wide and flings it at bucks face. He thinks this is the funniest thing that happened all night bc buck doesnt even react.

Buck: Out of everyone here, hes got the most experience in a blunt circle (youre going to look at me and tell me that im wrong? He had frosted tips and lived in a FRATHOUSE dawg) but hasnt been a smoke weed everyday bitch in a while so when he does he thinks his tolerance what it used to be. It isnt. Man is FLAVOR BLASTED he is SCHWASTED. Cant talk bc hes giggling while staring vacantly at the ceiling. Zones out, resurfaces to drop a random fact related to a conversation that was happening ten minutes ago, and hes gone again.

Eddie: Eats bobbys food and cries bc its delicious. Laughs at chinmeys jokes and cries bc hes so funny. Stares at hen and cries bc shes so beautiful. Thinks abt chris and cries bc he loves him so much. Buck is absentmindedly petting his hair to calm his tears and cries bc his best friend is so kind. Has to get up but doesnt want to bc the floor is so comfy. I love you bitchessss this is the year im gonna get my SHIT togetherrrrrrrrr what r these floors made of theyre so niiiiiiiiiiiice.....

Maddie: obsessive abt the Vibe, keeps getting up to turn on or off a lamp bc it was too bright but now its too dark. Perched in a mountain of pillows and blankets, keeps readjusting bc she has to b Maximum Comfy. Changes the song a minute in when its 'not the vibe'. Pulls out the most out of pocket story about buck as a kid but hes not even absorbing whats going on so she doesnt feel bad. Shes trying to rest her head on chinmeys shoulder but hes moving too much and shes getting annoyed.

Karen: the funniest bitch in the room. Monologuing abt space, which segues to robotics, which segues to government, which segues to capitalism, which segues to how they need to go to the beach RIGHT NOW. Hens looking at her like that twink boutta pounce meme. Sings along w the song playing, starts bitching at maddie bc she skipped it. Talking abt the sanctity of the playlist and respecting the music, but then says 'wait i hate this song' and commanders the spotify, she and maddie have a tug of war over the phone.

Tommy: touchy feely bitch. Started sitting next to buck but at some point graduated to trying to sit in his lap but now hes just sprawling across him like a weighted blanket. Voice has no inflection. He and chimney start excitedly talking abt a bad movie only they have seen and it goes on for way too long bc he starts chattering abt two characters he thinks should have ended up together. Eventually is just laying there curled up with buck, he realizes he loves his life and the people in it, has a little Moment.

Athena: does not partake, remind them that drug testing is a thing in their line of work, has Choice Words when the phrase California Sober is dropped. Taking pics for blackmail. Despite all that, she makes sure everyone is alright and helps bobby clean up. The next morning she makes coffee for everyone, and when people complain abt their backs or necks hurting she says 'thats what you get for sleeping on the floor'.

[buddie911abc]

A Little Buddie Hope in all that Trama?

Last week, I had a mopey post about my worries that the show would erase Buddie from previous seasons in order to make the new storylines work with what the actors and producers are saying about the characters. i.e. Eddie is heterosexual. I'm still not sure we will get canon, but I'm hopeful because one, I found a flaw in my reasoning for that post. And two, I remembered Athena's relationship with her first husband, Michael.

In season one, Michael came out as a gay man. Not bi. He was married to Athena with two kids. He loved her. He never stopped saying that he loved her. But he wasn't "IN" love with her. At one time, he said he hoped Athena would fix him. When he learned that she had been attacked in season three, he ran to be with her when he got the call. He was in mid-conversation with the man he eventually married, and he didn't even stop to tell him why he was leaving.

If we look at Eddie, he may or may not be as self-aware as Michael. I'm hoping he is because the show has given us clues in previous seasons that would fit with this interpretation of Eddie. Within the first few episodes that Eddie is in, he talks about how he isn't dating, how the girls they met on a call weren't his type, etc. Later, Buck finds help for Christopher through Carla. He tricks Eddie into coming to his place by saying he needs help to move Maddie. When Eddie learns it was a lie, his expression is a little annoyed at first and then filters to dread. He asks Buck if he is trying to set him up. Buck doesn't quite answer, he goes to answer the door and it's Carla. The expressions that go across Eddie's face, to me, were telling. Relief, surprise, and a new look just for Buck. [I feel this is the moment he fell in love or began to fall in love with Buck.-- There is also a whole other side to those first episodes after Buck starts to accept Eddie. In those episodes, he tries to please Eddie, and he stutters when he talks. He is shy and flirty, but that's a whole different thing.]

Anyway, back to Eddie. When he was with Ana, he almost mirrored Michael by admitting that he thought things would work with them, the "idea" of them. Chris loved her so much, that Eddie thought he would too. In another episode, he talks about feeling as though he were performing. Hen gives him a look that matches the one she gave Tommy & Buck in season 7 when Buck had soot on his face. The scene moves quickly so you can easily miss it, but it's there. There are more moments than I've named here that speak to Eddie's feelings, and these are the moments I felt would have to be erased if we believed Ryan Guzman about Eddie's heterosexuality. In my previous post, I was mopey about that until I realized a flaw in my thinking.

Tim has known his plans for Buck for a while. He actually wasn't sure if it was going to be Eddie instead. (most of us know that already) Either way, he knew as the episodes were being written for season 7 what would happen for Buck and that people would be paying close attention to Eddie. Within those first episodes, Eddie talks to Bobby and admits that he married Shannon because she got pregnant and they both felt pressured into it, but he never regretted it. Even when things got bad, he loved being married to her. (again the "idea" of it, just like what he said to Ana. Also, he said, that he loved being married- he didn't say he loved Shannon.) [I need help here. Someone to meta it for me-I have a big disconnect from the way Ryan nailed that scene with Kim in the most recent episode. To bring that much emotion and tears to this scene doesn't match with what he said to Bobby earlier in the season.]

Also in this season, we have Eddie referring to his Catholic past. The church, as most of us know has a long-established history of homophobia. Eddie talks about how deeply his family was into Latin-based Catholicism. While there is no direct mention of homophobia, there doesn't have to be. He talks about reaching a certain age and saying it wasn't for him. I think an awareness of his sexuality could have prevented him from fully buying into religion. However, rejecting religion doesn't mean those toxic messages weren't still there. Those messages were alongside the pressures he received from his father as young as 10 to be a man.

** Edit ** There is a space here for Eddie's reaction to Buck coming out. Based on this interpretation, it still makes sense for him to accept Buck. This is who Eddie is. He can accept Buck for everything he is without question. Despite the hold that the church and toxic masculinity have on him, Eddie doesn't hold anyone to that same standard. He rejected it when he rejected religion, but he is holding himself to that standard, and I believe this is the main part of the story that the show has not revealed to us yet. Eddie is not homophobic. Why can't he accept himself if he can accept others? (assuming this interpretation is the correct one.) Is Eddie so desperate to have his father's love? Is it that deep well of Catholic guilt he talked about? [Will Eddie, at some point, end up in a confessional, giving us all the canon we long for? I'd personally, love to see him alone by Bobby's bedside, holding that prayer book, and confessing to him the truth. That would slap. lol]

I had forgotten that these scenes were in season 7 when Tim knew full well what was coming with Buck. This doesn't mean that he will definitely write Eddie into a coming-out story, but it does mean that he is not likely to erase the stories that made me ship Buddie in the first place. If he were planning to erase those stories, he would not still be adding little pieces to that story.

TL;DR - My logic was flawed in my last post. Buddie isn't canon, and I do vacillate back and forth about this subject but hope is not completely gone for a Buddie endgame.

** edited to add ^ ^ ^

[dazzle02]

You know, I think it would be really interesting if in the wake of poor Chris seeing Kim he decides he wants to stay with Buck for a bit. And this isn't me wanting Eddie to suffer or saying he's a bad parent or anything, so don't get any ideas! I just think the dynamic of all that would be so interesting.

I mean, just imagine.

Chris is hurt and angry, he was just beginning to truly grieve his Mum and start to heal from losing her and then he walks into his home to see his Dad hugging someone who looks exactly like her. Plus the fact that, no matter what Eddie claims he was cheating on his girlfriend who Chris clearly likes. Chris isn't going to be happy. So there would be Chris who doesn't want to see his Dad, he still loves him obviously, but he's really hurting and he's angry and he just needs some time and space to deal with this.

And Eddie would never deny Chris something he feels he needs just because it hurts him. He would be so sad that Chris would wanna be away from him for a bit, but he'd understand and he'd let him go, especially as he trusts Buck with him. He'd know he's gonna be safe and taken care of. But it would hurt him so much. Maybe he'd spiral a bit, or maybe it'd be a big push to work all this out in therapy so he can make things right with his son.

And then there'd be Buck who loves them both a lot. He'd of course let Chris stay with him if that's what he wanted. But the thing about Buck is we all know he likes to fix things. He'd be torn between wanting to fix the relationship between Eddie and Chris, and wanting to respect Chris' wishes. He'd be stuck trying to help them both, while Chris wants some space from his Dad.

Also with the added fact of Buck then having Chris stay with him for a while when Eddie's not in the hospital or dying. He'd feel guilty, like he was keeping Eddie from his son, like he was overstepping in some way. Even though it's what Chris wants.

Of course, eventually Chris would forgive Eddie and move back home and Eddie will be okay having gotten more therapy and worked through his issues and everyone will get to heal.

I don't think that's what's going to happen in the show, I just think it'd be a pretty interesting dynamic. They'd all be struggling and dealing with huge changes. Eddie being alone at the house, Buck having Chris full time, Chris not being at home and also having to deal with having seen someone who looks exactly like his dead Mother...

I am very interested to see where this story goes though. No matter how they handle it, I really hope Chris gets to be hurt and angry about it though. This would be such a huge thing to have to deal with. And I'm hoping Gavin gets to truly shine!

[spagheddiediaz]

inspiration saturday!

tagged by @thewolvesof1998

bc i woke up this morning to see that taylor sang you are in love as her second surprise song last night and i was immediately slapped in the face with buddie feels.

i think it will eventually be a full length fic based off the song but anyway please enjoy

burnt toast, sunday

Sleeping through the night was rare for Buck. If his neighbor’s echoing voice didn’t wake him out of a deep sleep, it was a nightmare. If a barking dog outside his window at 3am didn’t do the trick, Maddie drunk butt dialing him after karaoke night would pull him right out of his peaceful slumber. Tonight, though? Tonight was one of those rare nights where his brain was able to shut off the outside world completely as his body sank deeper and deeper into the familiarity of the Diaz couch.  At least the sun was up when he was awoken to the sound of an alarm blaring, his mind telling him to get up, jump into his turnouts, and hop into the truck. His eyes blinked open, realizing instantly he wasn’t at the station bunk room and was instead in Eddie’s living room, a half-empty beer bottle on the coffee table from the night before. He lifted his head, looking around and instantly recognizing the familiar smell.  The smell of …smoke. “Chris - CHRISTOPHER.” Buck screamed at the top of his lungs, his body bolting off the couch before his mind had the chance to even wake up. “CHRIS - EDDIE!” He screamed, knocking down the end table and running down the hall to find Christopher sitting at the kitchen table with a look of pure judgment on his face. Eddie was leaning against the counter, a fire extinguisher by his side as he stared at the piece of completely burnt toast on his plate.  “I.. don’t want to talk about it.” Eddie shook his head, moving the extinguisher back against the wall of the counter.  Buck’s heart was still racing even though he could very clearly see that neither of his boys were in any type of danger whatsoever.. Unless you count having no breakfast as danger. Which.. Yeah. Hangry Eddie could sometimes be dangerous. He went to pick Christopher up, needing to feel that he was safe. Christopher let him, wrapping his arms and legs around Buck and letting himself snuggle into his neck.  Once Buck’s pulse returned to a normal rhythm, he let out a long breath of relief,  his hand rubbing Christopher’s back in slow circles, the movement grounding him.  Chris was older now. And while the days of routine snuggles before bedtime were behind them, Christopher was the most emotionally intelligent kid Buck had ever met. He knew when to give Eddie space, and when a hug would ease his mind. He knew to ask Buck to take him out for ice cream after a rough shift, and when to “accidentally” fall asleep against his side during movie night. Most of all, he knew when and how to lighten the mood of any situation, really. “Buck?” Chris asked, lifting his head from where it was resting in his neck. “Yeah, Superman?” Buck asked, shifting him in his arms. He looked to the fire extinguisher, and then to his father. “Is this… technically ironic?” Buck was only able to keep a straight face for about .4 seconds before bursting out into laughter, having to set Christopher down so he could try and collect himself, but every time he tried he fell into another laughing fit, clutching at his ribs while tears started to roll down his cheeks. “It’s not that funny.” Eddie’s lips couldn’t help but curve up at the sound of Buck’s laughter, his body relaxing at one of his favorite sounds.  “It’s - Eddie. You do realize you just technically worked on a Sunday.” Buck said through his tears, wiping them away with his sleeve. It might not have been a five alarm, but Eddie did just put out a fire. “And without overtime pay!” He teased, knowing damn well Eddie wouldn’t be stepping foot into 118 on a Sunday unless the words “overtime” were spoken.  “I’d put you on the couch..” Eddie glared at Buck, his smile still not fading. “But you’re already there.” “Boom. Roasted.” Chris made a fist and punched the air towards Buck, letting both of them know he wasn’t taking anyone’s side.. At least not openly. “So… Buck. Can you make pancakes?”  “As long as your dad doesn’t go near the stove.” He walked towards Eddie, placing a hand on his waist only to push him out of the kitchen ever so gently.

tagging (zero pressure!!) @king-buckley @forthewolves @cowboy-buck @monsterrae1 @bellabrady @thosetwofirefighters @sibylsleaves @housewifebuck @wikiangela @buckactuallys @cowboy-buddie @tawaifeddiediaz @prince-buck-diaz @anxieteandbiscuits @hattalove @messyhairdiaz @alyxmastershipper @elvensorceress @woodchoc-magnum @mrevanbuckley

[lenaboskow]

gay!eddie is happening in the near future, a post brought to you by someone who spends way too much time dissecting queer media (and usually ends up being at least half right)

bear with me, it's a long one under the cut

i have a longer, more scene specific post that i will finish during the break if nothing happens tonight but i am a full believer that eddie's big arc this season (or next season, depending) is that the reason none of his past relationships worked out is because he's gay (not bi, gay)

disclaimers: i fully believe eddie loved shannon, just not the way he wanted to. you can also be gay and still enjoy heterosexual sex. sometimes sex really is just sex. this post is purely about romantic attraction.

I also tried to leave as much out about buck as possible (though that's hard, the man is obviously an integral part of his life) because gay!eddie diaz will happen no matter if buddie is endgame, and people need to realize that. their sexualities are more than just about each other.

anyways, on to the post-

it's canon that eddie will put christopher first when it comes to deciding relationships, and i think we first see that with shannon. rewatching season 2, i didn't get the impression that he wanted a romantic relationship with her, but he wanted her back in his son's life, and to eddie, those two go hand in hand.

and, if we're being honest, i think eddie's habit of putting other people first is the whole reason he got with shannon, because his family taught him that he was supposed to find a nice girl and settle down. who better to do that with than his best friend? my theory is further proven when shannon gets pregnant and eddie marries her out of a sense of duty, and then immediately ships off to afghanistan under the pretense of "providing" (and isn't it something that he picks a profession where he'll be away from his family for months at a time)

the only reason eddie returned is because of the helicopter crash, to which shannon immediately started talking about moving to california. while i believe that wanting to rest after the crash could be part of the reason he was hesitant, i think there was also a fear of what would happen when he was no longer near his family he was trying to please.

of course, eddie eventually moves to la after getting a job offer from both lafd and chicago. carla mentions that it is only thirty minutes from shannon, and while that could be because he wanted to reconcile, i think it was more to do with wanting to have his son's mother near. that, and lafd is the best in the world (according to eddie)

eddie only kisses shannon in 2x07 after she does her family interview for the school. this specific fact coupled with the absence of the eddie diaz heart eyes™️ (which, despite his closing off at the beginning of the series, we'd already seen in 2x01 when he and buck call truce) makes me believe he realized he could trust her and wanted her back in his son's life, and the way to do that was to get back together.

"but they hid their relationship for a while" eddie was still scared. comphet is a real thing, and causes people to act on things they necessarily don't want. i believe he pursued a romantic relationship with shannon because that's what she wanted, and if he kept her happy, she wouldn't leave again. this is why i wish we could've seen divorced shannon/eddie instead of her dying immediately, and i wonder if maybe it would've sped up the whole deconstruction process for him.

the next time eddie dates, it's with ana. on paper, ana is the perfect wife for him. she's a teacher, knows how to handle kids, is latina, the whole package. eddie tries so hard to make it work, that it actually does, and this causes him to panic. both carla and buck tell eddie not to take just chris into consideration, but to make sure he wants it too, and after some time, he breaks it off with her. the way ana reacted to the breakup makes me wonder if she could also sense the reason for the breakup.

marisol is where it starts to get tricky, but i feel like we've seen enough (or not enough) in these four episodes to piece some information together. chris is the one who encourages eddie to call her, and that makes me wonder if that's the reason they're still together. before the promo of the bucktommy date eddie and marisol crash, we only got two mentions of marisol, and both times was in relation to her helping with chris. at this point, eddie has spent more time with tommy than he has with marisol, as far as we're aware.

the synopsis of tonight's ep says that eddie and marisol "take a closer look at their relationship" and given that we haven't seen much of them on screen, it makes me wonder what this could be about. does it maybe have something to do with them crashing the bucktommy date?

obviously, i wouldn't be mad if eddie turned out to be bi. however, to me, all of his relationships seem be a big case of comphet. speaking from experience, as someone who's pursued relationships with men purely because that's what i was expected to do, not because i actually wanted to be with them. and just like eddie, there was a time where if my best friend (who was of the opposite gender) had asked me out, I would've said yes and married him had it come to that, because it would've made my family happy. i've gotten to a point where i don't care what my conservative family thinks or wants, and i truly believe that this season, we'll see eddie get to that place to.

if you've made it this far, thank you for listening, and here's to hoping we get gay!eddie tonight.

tag: @queeredmundo

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

A comprehensive list of my completed 9-1-1 fics

This thread was getting too long and confusing regarding the series, so here is a Google doc with all my fics, separated by vibe:

Pennsylvania Under Me (22,391 words)

Summary:

When unexpected circumstances require Buck to travel back to Hershey for the first time in over a decade, Eddie and Chris are right by his side.

a mouth full of teeth and nothing to sing (7,060 words)

Summary:

Post 07x03, Hen struggles to process the cruise ship rescue and drunk driver call in the midst of ongoing tension with her friends.

Loose Threads (3,745 words)

Summary:

New to dating and keeping it quiet, Buck and Eddie get a little carried away on a slower shift at the firehouse. But when the alarm eventually sounds, a spur of the moment mistake leaves them a little mixed up.

Precious and Fragile Things (46,918 words)

Summary:

Buck is the Fallen Angel of Petty Temptation, who has been tasked with tempting human Eddie Diaz to sin and enjoy life, but just a little. He thinks the job will be easy - get in, get out, go back to Peru to continue messing around with eternity. But when Buck arrives in Los Angeles, he finds Eddie is harder to tempt than expected, and more compelling than Buck had hoped. AKA the Small Miracles by Olivia Atwater AU that you don’t need to have read Small Miracles to enjoy.

Spinning Out (2,326 words)

Summary:

The sun always rises in the east and sets in the west. What goes up must always come down. And if Eddie Diaz is in a helicopter with his team, it must fall from the sky. AKA: Speculation into Eddie's reaction to flying on a chopper with his team into a storm, as per the trailer dropped on February 17th.

Winter Prayer (18,229 words)

Summary:

When a work conflict prevents Athena from accompanying Bobby to Minnesota for the ten year anniversary of his family dying, Buck and May offer to go instead. Over the course of the trip, they all learn more about each other, and Bobby faces his grief.

still sitting in a corner i haunt (7,413 words)

Summary:

Unable to imagine a scenario where acting on his feelings for Buck doesn’t end up with everybody hurt, Eddie rejects Buck. Before he can finish the conversation, Eddie is ripped from his time and hurtled into several, seemingly random moments from the future that help clarify his decision.

Why Not Take All of Me? (13,235 words)

Summary:

When a small disaster strikes the morning of Maddie and Chimney's wedding, Buck, Hen, and Chim find themselves unwittingly caught up in an emergency across town, while Maddie and Eddie get stuck in an elevator.

Both Blade and Branch (62,835 words)

Summary:

The chances of being struck by lightning twice are incredibly minute, but Buck still manages to pull it off. During a double date with Marisol and Natalia, nonetheless. Eddie manages to resuscitate him, but as Buck recovers from yet another trauma, Eddie can’t help but notice there’s something very different about him. He’s not quite sure what version of Buck he got back.

and here, too, am i (41,117 words)

Summary:

Six months into their marriage, Eddie is still struggling to decide whether or not he wants more kids, when he knows Buck does. The universe may not scream, but it certainly talks.

Got Weird (10,541 words)

Summary:

Shortly after Buck and Natalia break up, Eddie gets tipsy and makes a rather forward move. Then immediately panics (not that Eddie panics, of course) and backpedals. Eddie spirals, Buck is confused. Lots of spontaneous kissing ensues.

Homefield Disadvantage (2,165 words)

Summary:

Buck is recovering from appendicitis. Christopher has an important school project. Eddie faces danger on the job. They are a family, your honor. That is all.

Don't They Know It's The End of the World? (32,439 words)

Summary:

After being put in a cryogenic sleep for over a hundred years to wait out an apocalyptic event, Eddie Diaz wakes up, too early, to find his son has been stolen from his cryo-chamber. Scared and alone in a frightening world he doesn't recognize, Eddie is willing to do anything to get his kid back. OR: The Fallout 4 AU that you don't need to have played Fallout to enjoy!

Appetency (4,685 words)

Summary:

When Buck learns Eddie has suddenly developed a sweet tooth, he falls down a bit of a research spiral about the cause behind unusual sugar cravings, and tries to help Eddie with this perceived problem. Eddie’s ‘problem’ isn’t exactly what Buck has in mind.

Nothing Left But You (27,297 words)

Summary:

In May of 2021, 25% of Earth's population suddenly disappears. Including Eddie. In May of 2026, they all come back. Eddie finds himself suddenly in the middle of a world he doesn't recognize, where the people he loves most have changed significantly.

Four Can Keep a Secret (20,140 words)

Summary:

When Ravi and Hen accidentally see Buck and Eddie, who are trying hard to keep their new relationship a secret, in the middle of a romantic moment, they try to make them confess without the rest of the station finding out. Shenanigans ensue.

Claim Your Ghost (32,824 words)

Summary:

After a near death experience on a call, Eddie starts having strange hallucinations of people who have died. There’s definitely no way he’s seeing ghosts, right? Because Eddie doesn’t believe in ghosts…

Me and Lazarus (17,041 words)

Summary:

As Buck lays comatose after being struck by lightning, Maddie reflects on the life of the first brother she lost, how that impacted her life, and the ways grief has shaped them both.

Muscle Memory (40,051 words)

Summary:

After a disappointment in his personal life, Buck wakes up one morning to find everyone he loves has forgotten him completely. No memories. No recognition. Almost like he was never really there.

endless numbered days (13,164 words)

Summary:

When a big event in the lives of the members of the 118 falls on the same weekend as Bobby's late son's birthday, Bobby finds himself reflecting on grief, fatherhood, and life after loss. OR Lots of Bobby angst and fluff and dad vibes.

Being Eddie (79,829)

Summary:

When Eddie starts seeing a new therapist, he’s presented with the opportunity to revisit several days from his past and right regrets that still bother him. OR: Eddie goes through the time travel therapy process of the 2009 Canadian TV show Being Erica

Batting a Buck & Change (15,557)

Summary:

Eddie and Chim embark on a “Dad’s night out” to watch baseball at a sports bar, and after a few too many, Eddie accidentally lets his feelings for Buck slip.

august (40,182 words)

Summary:

Buck and Natalia's new relationship has been built over a shared history with death, but is that foundation enough? Eddie and Marisol have a lot in common, including a fear of facing the truth about themselves. When Buck invites everyone to a vacation rental by the sea, secrets, feelings, and truths kept hidden are brought into the light. OR Buck, Eddie, Natalia, and Marisol go on a beach vacation in August of 2023. It gets angsty and gay.

Evan Buckley & the Coma-Verse of Madness (57,965 words)

Summary:

After being struck by lightning on a call, Buck experiences a plethora of alternate realities showing him different directions his life could have taken. Fighting hard to get home, Buck learns what, or who, is important to him in every lifetime. Inspired by a mix of Marvel multiverses and The Midnight Library by Matt Haig.

Fuck Up the Friendship (1,573 words)

Summary:

Eddie and Buck respond to a call where one best friend confesses their love to another - leading to a pretty awkward argument between them, and maybe more?

[lover-of-mine]

I had a theory I wanted to share but bear with me while I get to it.

Thinking about how now we know for sure Eddie & Marisol are actually having sex regularly got me thinking about how Eddie & Shannon's problem was never their sex life and wondering how/if that plays into Eddie being with Marisol? Because we know things never seemed to click with Ana both emotionally and physically but they are clicking physically with Marisol up until the whole nun thing after which Eddie seemed to be like "well I guess we'll break up now" but didn't seem too devastated by it? If anything he felt more like someone in the beginning of relationship not someone after months of dating & then moving in together. Which of course they decided to slow that because he realized they were going too fast but he said he really wants this time to work out but I'm not seeing a convincing reason why? They're friendly sure & having good sex I guess but what's their emotional connection? How close actually are they? I'm having a hard time understanding it. But this is only his like 3rd ever relationship right? He doesn't have a lot to compare it to & so maybe because he clicked in a way he didn't with Ana that maybe reminds him of what he had with Shannon? Except he & Shannon were best friends, they had a deep emotional connection in addition to a pretty good sex life. So I don't know but maybe Eddie is thinking they needed to move in because it would help them get closer and now maybe they need more time or something? We know he hates dating and feeling like he needs to perform so maybe it's like this is the first woman since Shannon he's able to/enjoys sleeping with so he figures that must mean something more? And I love the idea of he's never considered men being an option before and him now starting on that journey or realizing he did like men or at least Buck and he's now realizing Buck could be an option, like any of those theories and then realizing maybe what he's actually missing in his relationship with Marisol he already has with Buck and realizing he can also have that good sexual part of it (not that he has to but it does seem important to him) too. Because for all of the problems that he & Shannon had they did love and care about each other. I like to think if she'd lived they would have still gotten divorced & actually settled into a solid friendship with each other. But that's neither here nor there.

Is this a crazy stretch? Maybe. I'm just trying to make sense of it all. And I'm a Buddie girlie at heart always so it makes me feel more hopeful.

No, I'm actually with you here. I think Ana was just the first person he thought he could latch onto back then, and she was pretty and nice and Chris liked her, so he thought he could learn to love her eventually. I mean the show does imply that eddieana had sex. I know we like to joke they didn't, but the show very much does imply that with the "you really like to dress me up" "and the other thing" comment at the store before the first panic attack. But they weren't clicking emotionally and we didn't see them connect physically, so Eddie was just "sticking it out". Shannon, the sex worked and I did know how to talk, I don't think you can fight the way they did if you don't know each other. Shannon knew exactly how to disarm Eddie. How to say the thing that would get him questioning his actions. So even if we didn't get to see a lot of moments in their marriage where they were just happy, we know they had good sex and we know they knew how to talk. With Marisol he seems to be connecting with her physically, but he can't seem to connect with her emotionally, because we don't know anything about Marisol because the impression they are giving is that Eddie doesn't know a lot about her. He could have thought that the shock of moving in would bring them closer and then make the relationship better, there is an argument to be made there. And like, he says he really likes her but his brain went to the break up route and he didn't seem that devastated about it. It is canon information that this is Eddie's 3rd relationship, assumed 3rd person he slept with. So he doesn't have a lot of reference points. Which is why he keeps chasing Shannon. But I also think that enough pent up sexual energy can make people see more in a relationship than there actually is, good sex doesn't equal a good relationship (just look at Buck and Taylor and the way they had the chemistry but lacked everything else). But Shannon worked because they had both the friendship and the chemistry. If Shannon was still alive I think they would very much learn to be friends for Chris' sake and eventually settle back into the friendship and figure out who they are together while better equipped to handle what's being thrown at them. But he's lacking the communication aspect of a good relationship with Marisol. He doesn't have the friendship. He does have the friendship with Buck though. And I guess having sex with men in general never occurred to him (but as a demisexual Eddie believer I think sex is not something he worries about a lot unless it's actively creating problems in his life like in merry exmas and you don't know me, both episodes who contain the two sex scenes that lead to problems in the relationship, and it is an interesting way to create problems on Eddie's relationship by calling back to that conflict with Shannon that eventually led Eddie to let Shannon back in but literally led to him kicking Marisol out, also interesting that he sneaks Shannon out of the house and leaves Marisol alone in it) so he never thought about having sex with Buck specifically, but I don't see how Eddie could go "oh maybe I want to have sex with men?" and not instantly attach that to Buck too, because he's Buck. Considering the way I don't think Eddie knows how to qualify who Buck is to him, but does have Buck stored away as the person he trusts the most, I think that attraction to men would instantly attach to the safest person, and that's Buck.

But the question is how they are gonna handle his sexuality. I don't know if they are ever gonna explicitly label him, or Buck for they matter, on the show, but on a meta level Buck is being thought of as bisexual and they are adding to the pieces that are already there to make Buck a bisexual man. I have no idea where Eddie's sexuality is going. I can give you an argument for that man to be demisexual and/or demiromantic with the last episode. The fact that he didn't know that aspect of her killed his boner and his excitement with the relationship. So much so he had to go back to the getting to know her step. But is the show ballsy enough to have a character like Eddie be demisexual? Are they ballzy enough to make the womanizer bi and the single father ace? I don't know. Probably not. I think Eddie has a complicated relationship with sex. Is it the religious trauma? Is the demisexuality? Is it both? ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ I also think that that complicated relationship with sex makes it harder for him to want to date, because dating comes with expectations. He's clearly not romance or sex repulsed, but he does have trouble connecting on a deeper level with these women. He doesn't have trouble connecting with Buck. I think if you plant the attraction to men seed with him, his brain would fill the empty space with Buck. Kinda in the same way he keeps trying to match these women to Shannon. So he could get there. He can absolutely get there. I see this being a route to be taken. I don't know if the show is brave enough to do it though.

[buckleydiazmp4]

please give me buddie and/or bucktommy and or/ buddietommy headcanons i just think you have good takes uhhh runs away

ohhhh hi hello i love this ask

well listen the buddie headcanons are endless but like. one that i think would be pretty much the thesis statement of their relationship (or at least how i'd love for it to go) is that once they're past the whole discovering the new romantic side to their partnership they just pretty much go back to their default dynamic which is just them being sickeningly, obnoxiously joined at the hip.

when they have breakfast at the 118's table buck pulls eddie's chair as close to his as physically possible. everyone rolls their eyes but they don't care. if they're not sitting side by side in the engine then they're facing each other and playing footsies the whole ride. buck will drive the jeep to eddie's house and eddie has to be touching him somewhere every single second. hand on his shoulder or neck. when buck grabs the gear shift eddie puts his hand on top so they're moving it together. i'm talking behavior that no one can stare at for more than a minute without wanting to haul themselves out a window.

when buck moves in? oh my god it's insane. their closet basically becomes one big unit until they don't know who owns what. sometimes they end up wearing each other's underwear because they don't even bother to separate the laundry anymore and their clothes just end up all scrambled in the same drawer.

it's terrible. at first most of the fam finds it adorable but then they can't be in the same room with them without getting nauseous for a few weeks but then they eventually learn to tune it out. it's an acquired skill.

they refuse to nap in separate cots so they almost always end up on the couch with eddie literally sprawled over buck like he's a human mattress. also because eddie's a furnace he acts like a blanket for buck. it's like a symbiotic relationship.

they take turns carrying each other to bed because hey why not use their skills to carry the weight of fully grown humans for personal benefit as well. when they sleep they can start on opposite sides of the bed but five minutes later they've drifted to the middle.

they hook their pinkies together at the supermarket while one of them pushes the cart one-handed. it's not very practical but again. they do not care

they're pretty much a single-celled organism and it's like. so so weird because it's not a honeymoon phase. it doesn't die out. when they need their space they'll go for like a thirty minute run or the very few occasions when they don't share shifts or when one of them stays with chris while the other runs house errands. otherwise they are almost literally stuck to each other. it's almost unnatural. and they've never been happier in their lives

(anyways. there can be a buddietommy side to this if you so desire but maybe send me another ask bc i don't want to make this one a mile long sorry!!)

[rainbow-nerdss]

Fic Writing review 2023!

I was tagged by: @just-my-latest-hyperfixation @aidaronan @exhuastedpigeon @jamespearce9-1-1 @theotherbuckley @aspecbuddie @thewolvesof1998 @daffi-990 (And possibly others, i may have missed one or two, sorry if i did!)

I can't believe 2023 is over, honestly. This year has had some ups and downs for sure but overall I'm so proud of what I've achieved. I started the year mainly writing Stranger Things fics, and while I still love that fandom and all of the wonderful people I met there, my inspiration for writing it was beginning to fade.

And along came 9-1-1. I am so happy with where I've ended up, and for all the new friends I've made since I found this show back in April!

Here's an overview of my year in fic:

Words posted to ao3: 235,060

Words written: 250,465

Works posted: 38

Fandoms posted for: 3 (Stranger Things, 9-1-1, MCU/Captain America)

Specifics and tags are under the cut!

Longest fic:

Crawling on Back to You 109k words, 30 chapters Stranger Things, Steve/Eddie, Rated E

Shortest fic:

Keep on Walkin' and don't look back 521 words Stranger Things, Steve/Eddie, Rated T

Top 5 by kudos:

1. Right in front of your eyes

9-1-1, Buddie, 15k

He and Chris, and Buck. They work, they’re a unit. Why should it matter that he’s single? Buck is watching him, like he’s reading every thought on his face. “You’re already planning to lie about the date. Why don’t you just tell her you met someone yourself?” Eddie shrugs and tilts his head to the side, squinting in thought. “She won’t set me up on dates if she thinks I’ve got someone,” he muses. “But she’ll want to meet whoever it is.” “So... Introduce them?” Or: Buck offers to fake-date Eddie so Pepa will stop setting him up on dates.

2. Pinky Promise

9-1-1, Buddie, 1k

Christopher Diaz doesn't mind that his dad's dating someone new. He's not dumb, he knows there's someone. The way his dad has been smiling lately, the way Chris catches him staring at his coffee, daydreaming like he isn't a grown man. The sleepovers Chris is suddenly allowed to go to on almost a weekly basis. Chris is happy for him, really he is. He’s just not planning to let himself get attached to whoever it turns out to be, just in case. He doesn't need a step-parent, because he has Dad, and he has Buck, and that’s enough. Whoever his dad dates, well. They'll probably leave, eventually. Chris doesn’t need to worry about them. Or: Eddie and Buck come to Chris with some news, and he doesn't take it very well at all.

3. Peek-A-Boo

Stranger Things, Steddie, 1k

Eddie tried not to stare. He really tried. He didn't notice at first, too preoccupied with the tub of pringles he'd been making his way through while talking about Corroded Coffin's last gig. Sure, he'd noticed the shorts. The ridiculous amount of leg Steve was showing, the way they hugged his ass, but it wasn't until Steve moved, lifted one foot to rest on the cushion, knees spread, that Eddie noticed another feature of the shorts. Or: Steve puts on a bit of an accidental show.

4. Definition

9-1-1, Buddie, 2k

It keeps happening, time and time again. People get it wrong. Whatever people say, it feels wrong and they don't know how to set the record straight, until Chris takes it into his own hands. or: 5 times people get Buck's role in Chris's life wrong, and 1 time they set the record straight

5. take my hand (knot your fingers through mine)

9-1-1, Buddie, 4k, written with @pock-o-pea

At least Buck’s okay. He’s outside, safe, doing his job. Buck’s okay, which means no matter what happens inside this van, If the crushing weight of the fridge takes him before Buck can get to him, if the van pancakes or flips or any number of likely disasters occur, if Eddie dies in here, alone, and in pain, then… He thinks of Mallory, of Jo. How they’d called out for each other. His eyes shut briefly as Mallory’s words echo in his head. “She’s not my daughter. Jo’s mother was my best friend… she saved me so many times.” Or: what 6x18 could've been

2023 Events I've participated in: AUgust, Fandom Trumps Hate

Current works in progress:

The bodyguard fic (somebody to someone) -One chapter posted, 3 more written and (almost) ready to post!

Steve time travelling in the upside down (of moments and unmoments (of time lost)) -One posted, two more in the drafts 😁

The break-up fic (you were my town) - Two posted, the third almost ready to post

Season 7 fic: 10 chapters, currently being edited to post

and then a bunch of isolated oneshots I've yet to figure out an ending for: 5+1 times Eddie sees buck with kids that aren't his, friends with benefits, secret relationship, Teacher!Buck, Buckley siblings kiss of death, Buck in the stairs (just started this one last night!)

Goals for 2024:

I want to finish posting all of the WIPs which are already on ao3, post my s7 fic before March 14, keep working on all the WIPs I have in my docs and of course write more and keep sharing!

Most of all I want to keep participating in this wonderful fandom I've found on here, I have had *such* a good time over the past year in fandom 🥰🥰

No pressure tags (sorry if you've already done this and I missed it!)

@hellwrites @the-emdash @wildlife4life @disasterbuckdiaz @loserdiaz @jeeyuns @callmenewbie @911-on-abc @bittersweet-in-boston @kwills91 @trenchcoatsandtimetravel @spotsandsocks @devirnis @housewifebuck @lover-of-mine @gayhoediaz @mojowitchcraft @wikiangela @steadfastsaturnsrings @sunflowerdiaiz @cardamomsage @velvetjinx

Also tagging anyone else who might want to look back at the year and I've accidentally missed!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.