#and while i strongly believe there is no such thing as a dumb question. i DO believe there is wasting someone's time

[kuromi-hoemie]

being an it manager for 4 offices is emailing someone less than 5 very specific, short, straightforward steps on how to do something trivial on a computer and sitting there in bewilderment when u get a response with them at an inconceivably different outcome like?? 😭 if u were in my office i could just walk over n show u but also WHAT are u talking about.

[pinkiealexie]

𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲 ♡ 𝘙𝘦𝘥 𝘚𝘰𝘯

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❥ SUMMARY:

Even after getting together, Red Son still acts like he isn't with you and is still in fact crushing on you.

❥ WARNINGS: Short, and might be OOC? Idk this is my first time ever writing them please spare me.

[I literally love this show and her so much it makes my heart explode god damn. I'm also in desperate need of more Red Son content so I did the job myself]

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It was silly really.

Silly how even after you’ve both become official, Red Son would still act as if he was still crushing on you like before you both started dating.

You could easily tell as you could remember every single thing he would do back then and still continues to.

You'd be talking and you'd shortly notice the way that whenever you’d catch him staring at you dreamily from the corner of your shimmering eyes he’d immediately snap out of his daydreams and look away with a flushed face. This same thing would happen when he'd admire you from a distance.

How whenever you gave him physical affection such as hugging him he’d stiffen up like a wooden plank and ignore the way his stomach twisted into multiple knots. How he’d avert his eyes to look at anywhere but your warm, teethy and endearing smile;

Oh that ever so dear smile he adored so much. Red Son felt like putty in your hands just by seeing it.

Just by speaking to you it still made him as if his mouth was sewn shut with a needle and thread.  He would fumbled over his words and fake some coughs to think of how to respond to what you might’ve said or asked as he feels his throat dry and form a pit. He felt so embarrassed that he couldn't even form a proper sentence around you!

He strongly believed that if he stared into your eyes for longer than 5 seconds he’d surely burn from your gaze…and he was a fire demon for heaven’s sake!  How did that make any sense?! It made him feel so dumb! Dumbly in love because of you!

Red Son would still try to hide his giddy smile whenever you’d compliment him on the slightest thing whether it be about him or his achievements. Denying the fact that there were small sparks of fire that ignited in the tips of his bright red hair.

Talking to himself and planning out what he’d say before you arrived, making sure that the conversations went smoothly and that he wouldn’t end up saying some cheesy, rom-com worthy sentence. 

He’d still spend the time fixing his hair, straightening his posture so he stood there confidently then brushing the specks of dust off his clothes with his hands, and checking to see if his breath didn’t reek of an unpleasant odor before popping a mint or two into his mouth as he waited for you to arrive to meet up with him for hang outs, or well..now dates.

How whenever you approach him, gleaming brighter than the sun he’d still get shy and awkwardly wave back at you as you greeted him. 

Even sending him the simplest text while you were away and asking about his well being or a simple ‘I love you,’ would send him into a giggling fit, making him twirl his hair and kick his feet. Of course only where no one could see him, he'd actually never hear the end of it if someone had caught him acting such a way only a middle school girl would.

So now here you were at his workshop, listening to him as he spoke so happily and proudly about his newest invention. You would ask him questions about stuff he created that he'd happily answer without a second of hesitation as you praised him with such sweet and honey laced words.

And just like that without even trying, your magical abilities on him happened as sparks of his hair would ignite in a flaming glow and his cheeks would be dusted with a brilliant pink.

At this reaction you only smiled at him just like you always did, that same tooth rotting sweet smile.

All of this was so silly that it was adorable.

He was adorable.

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[kumerish]

really love blind alley, i have an odd question though: do you have a pronouns guide for the kids or are you just leaving them up for reader interpretation? (other than red who has already been asked about)

Thank you!

A: Not an odd question. I think about this a lot too. I've spent a really long time trying to order my thoughts on this in a coherent way.

I am intentional when I use pronouns. When we know, that means it's part of how a character conceives of themself. The reverse is also true. I feel a bit at odds with myself here though; despite previously making a post about the importance of ambiguity and interpretation in my storytelling, this is one area where I'd prefer people just accept that lack of certainty instead of theorizing.

I want us to be able to conceive of them as people and characters without categorizing them. Unfortunately, I can't force anyone to do this without being extremely didactic or overt and I find that sort of writing to be boring and easy to dismiss. People always misgender my characters. It doesn't upset me but it does make me feel like I am failing to get across my intentions. As with all art, you can't force someone to read and engage with it how you intend. Maybe I am just not conceptualizing this properly and there's a better way to do it. However, I am not comfortable imagining readers theorizing on a characters gender because that makes it feel like something withheld for some grand reveal. Gender just doesn't matter to some of these characters and within my own relationship to them; I would like that to be the case for my readers too.

This isn't to be dismissive of gender/sexuality and how strongly this can inform ones identity. However, and maybe it's naive of me but, I'd love to live in a world where gender and sexual orientation do not always factor in to our ability to relate to each other. Writing this way feels like putting to practice something important to me.

This desire to be comfortable with not knowing is partly in response to my general frustration with our inclination to constantly categorize people, ideas, and processes. I believe this inclination does endless harm. We want things to be finite, fixed, and known but when reading about biology, philosophy, and ecology, it's clear there are no fixed or singular points. It's all process, flux, and in between; that's where we live. That's also where cartoons live.

Blind Alley doesn't exist. There is no way for anyone to confirm anything about it. It is all relational cartoon abstraction; it is only what I draw and say and what you take from that. My hope is that, while an individual may have an interpretation of what I've written, a reader will also consider why it is written that way. I'm not certain how to force readers to sit with not knowing things - it's clear we all want answers but, philosophically and artistically, I think that getting comfortable with not needing to know is an expansive thing.

I'm also aware I am writing a comic strip; people engage with them in a certain frame of mind. I shouldn't overstate any of this because I am incredibly aware that I am writing a dumb comic strip with fart jokes and stupid gags. I unfortunately put a lot of pretentious thought into this.

So, to answer your question, I only know when it matters to the type of character I am writing. I am not withholding this information so I can do some sort of reveal later; it just feels right to write characters this way.

[coralhoneyrose]

fun chrom and or robin headcanons? chrobin headcanons?

alternatively what are some widely accepted or constantly brought up things in the awakening fandom that you hate?

my fun headcanon is they try to both be objective and somewhat professional as leaders but when c&r are alone together they love to gossip. you know theyve seen some stuff

Oooh what a fun question! I’m sure as soon as I hit post I’ll remember a bunch more but here’s what I was able to come up with~

Robin: I actually like head-canoning Robin as having ADHD. I could ramble about that for ages tbh but I think they fit the “twice exceptional” profile really well and that a combination of being an anxious perfectionist and having an attention disorder would make a lot of sense given that we know Robin is both very confident in their tactics and intelligence but also prone to workaholic tendencies with pushing themselves to extremes to make sure they’ve thought of everything. I also headcanon Robin as being kind of a slob LOL like I think their room would always be a mess with things strewn everywhere but *they* know where everything is meant to be so don’t even think about moving anything, Frederick >:(

Also this may be obvious from my writing, but I like headcanoning Robin as having darker skin than in canon in large part to circumvent Awakening’s unfortunate tendency to only feature that trait for Plegians who are antagonists. OH! And I love the idea of Robin being touch-starved when the shepherds first find and adopt her too.

Chrom: I headcanon he has very pretty cursive handwriting that he was forced to learn by his tutors growing up; that he low-key kinda likes PDA; that he’s mindlessly touchy with Robin specifically, even before he realizes his feelings; that he has a praise kink; that he is a morning person; and that he’s not particularly religious, despite being….ya know, the exalt of a halidom.

Idk if it’s cheating to also list that I headcanon him as biromantic demisexual (given that I have a whole fic about that) but I’m restating it anyway because that one is very dear to me. Also! I did not come up with this one myself, but I saw a tweet from another Chrobin author once about how they hc that Chrom would abdicate the throne before he gets particularly old to help ensure that Lucina’s coronation is a happy and celebratory event, and I love that idea and thinks it suits both of them really well <3

I think the one you shared is cute and fitting for them too! Both of them take their jobs really seriously so I can absolutely see them making an effort to keep too many court politics out of their work but then debriefing about stuff and laughing at all the stuffy nobles together after to help maintain their sanity.

As for things brought up / widely accepted in the fandom that I dislike and / or strongly disagree with, the three that come most immediately to mind are:

- That Chrom and Robin have a dumb one / smart one dynamic. I think they’re both very competent leaders and that while Robin is clearly the smarter of the two, I’ve always interpreted Chrom as probably having above average intelligence and just being really blunt and kind of oblivious / not tactful in certain delicate social situations which….tbh I fully believe Robin can be guilty of that sort of thing as well LOL

- That the f!Chrobin supports are “objectively” some of the worst in the game”. I can definitely understand and sympathize with some of the complaints about them, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re my favorite supports in awakening full stop. And I do also think that a subset of the complaints leveled at them are wildly off base

- That male and female Robin have different personalities. I just do not think this is true. I think the differences we see in their supports are pretty much always a direct function of being treated differently by the other character on account of their gender and responding to those differing circumstances accordingly

I have started drafting and ultimately aborted so many posts making arguments for all these points but somewhere along the line I usually remind myself to take a deep breath and that people can enjoy these characters and ships however they want to. Ultimately if I don’t like something, it’s easy enough for me to tune it out and keep doing my own thing and I’ve found fandom has become a lot more pleasant that way LOL

Andddd I think that covers everything? Thanks so much for the ask—I had a lot of fun answering it as probably evidenced by how long this turned out to be asjfk

[welcome-to-tracy]

Headcanons Obey Me: «I don't love you». Part 1.

Synopsis: MC breaks off her relationship with one of brothers because they no longer loves him. There's probably leaving them for someone else.

TW: ANGST.

GN!Reader. Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan.

A/N: Hi! I started writing this at four in the morning, just because I wanted a little angst. Ahhaha.

Lucifer:

— To say these words to the Avatar of Pride seems almost impossible.

— But you make up your mind when he says that Diavolo will invite you both to one of his parties as a couple.

— «No. I don't love you, sorry».

— Lucifer can't immediately believe what he's heard. However, he quickly pulls himself together and closes his eyes: «Okay. May I ask why?».

— «I love someone else».

— He doesn't ask anything else. Demon nods, ostensibly respecting your decision, puts his hand to his chest and says that you have nothing to worry about.

— You hurriedly get out of the office. As soon as you slam the door behind you, you hear a sound as if someone is overturning furniture and smashing the whole room.

— Lucifer is absolutely calm every time you see each other. Polite questions about how you are doing and whether his brothers are bothering you; invitations to dinner and even help with your studies.

— But you see how every time he clenches his palm into a fist for several seconds and clenches his teeth.

— He may not show it in front of you, but his brothers see a dark aura that actually comes from Lucifer and will be with him for the next hundred years.

— He buries his nose in the documents when he sees you flirting with someone else and wants to tear that someone apart, but for your sake he is ready to just accept it.

— To be honest, Lucifer hates you. He wants to strangle with his own hands: you hurt his pride, but... Every time you smile (even if not for him), he feels like he's in love.

Mammon:

— When you say you don't love him, he thinks you're joking. Lol, how can you not love the Great Mammon, you dumb human.

— But you explain to him that this is not a joke and then he does not understand why. What did he do wrong? You see how the carefree smile disappears from Mammon's face and you see the sincere misunderstanding in his eyes.

— «T-this is just no... nonsense! You just sa-said some stupid thing again, you...»

— «Sorry me...».

— You go back to your room, leaving Mammon alone.

— You don't know it, but he's actually going to his room right now and crying.

— He will really try to get you back and draw your attention to himself. But when he realizes that it's useless, he just gives up and goes at the casino.

— In fact, Mammon stopped coming to your room. He is very hurt and he does not react so strongly to insults from his brothers.

— The next time you see him, he tries to joke and pretends that he is the same as before, but you notice how he looks away because he can't look at you.

— He secretly dreams of hearing you say "I love you, Mammon!" again and seeing you smile just for him. But you won't say that.

Leviathan:

— Dumn, you're the most violent person in the world, you just absolutely killed this guy and destroyed the remnants of his self-esteem, what's wrong with you, bitch?!

— You were sitting in his room when Levi with a twinkle in his eyes, was telling you about a new MMORPG based on a popular anime that he watched recently.

— Out of habit, he gently took your hand and smiled happily. It was hard to tell him about the breakup at such a moment, but you knew you had to do it.

— «Levi...».

— «...It's just SUPER immersive. The graphics are so good that I'm LITERALLY confusing the game with life, we should to go into it together somehow and...».

— «LEVI!», – he only stopped talking when you screamed.

— «Yeah, MC? Something happened?»

— You exhaled, and then said what you've been wanting for a long time. You don't love him anymore.

— Both of you are silent for a while, and then he smiles tightly and nods.

— «It's okay, I'm just a nasty otaku. I knew sooner or later you'd figure it out and just leave me. I'll be fine».

— You see the drops of tears trembling on his eyelashes. Maybe you even want to comfort Levi (or not), but in any case, the demon asks you to leave his room, and you realize that now is not the time to argue.

— He hesitates to do this for a very long time, but a week after your breakup, he asks in the chat what the reason is. Besides the fact that he is, of course, so vile, pathetic and worthless that it's just a shame to be in a relationship with him.

— «I'm just in love with someone else».

— You don't get an answer.

— Levi hates it. Enrages. Annoy. He's jealous. Angry. ...and he's in so much pain.

— The next time he sees you with someone else, the Avatar of Envy assumes its demonic form, but calms down when he sees your scared and disappointed face.

— He apologizes, looks down and returns to his room. He probably won't be out of there very soon...

A/N: Levi suddenly turned out to be the longest???????? I just feel so sorry for this boy, gosh, you made him believe that you loved him, and then you left him so cruelly. You're just such a bitch, baby! 😭😭😭

I will try to write the second part!!

If there are any grammatical errors, then write to me in the comments or messages. Remember that English is not my native language. :^

[centrally-unplanned]

House of the Dragon "peace arc" was generally cringe though with a bright spot at the core. Rhaenys came off the worst for it; sitting in a council meeting getting news that the enemy has marched an army, taken two of their castles, and sacked a city and calling those wanting to respond to that warmongering idiots is an amateur hour moment. It isn't like Rhaenyra was heading to King's Landing to surrender or anything, she wanted a negotiated peace. To get that, you need a position of strength - otherwise your enemy is less likely to make peace with you, as the cost of killing you is so low. "War begets war" is an aphorism, not an iron law; this cowardice in the name of conflict avoidance serves neither peace nor their war. Smack their advancing army with a squad of dragons and show them "hey, this is what More War is gonna bring - let's give peace a chance hm?" You only make peace with your enemies, after all, reminding them of that fact is not the barrier to peace naive instinct thinks it is. And then you also aren't telling your own vassals you are going to ditch them in the face of fire, bonus!

The way she seems haughtily superior to the "squabblings of men" while making a fool or herself is a real directorial fail, it is almost accidentally sexist - poor wimmins can't understand Clausewitz. Though I gotta give the actress Eve Best some unintentional credit:

I guess she fucking nailed it.

While I am bashing Rhaenys, the framing of the Vhagar/Meraxes fight is very strange - Rhaenys has clearly won the battle, because Sunfyre is pretty much dead, and you would likely bet Aegon with him, and the way it is shot strongly suggests Rhaenys successfully retreated while Aemond is not at all in pursuit. The whole battle was clearly a trap that she had just dodged. Then she doubles back anyway against a much stronger foe and loses while dealing no apparent damage. Why do that dumb thing? It's both way too risky and also strategically foolish - Meleys as the Black's strongest dragon is highly needed as a deterrent force. It would be more reasonable if Rhaenys was a proud warrior type, proud warriors do that kind of thing ("I can't abandon Rook's Rest!"), but she was defined by her caution up until she chose suicide-by-dracarys.

In the books she is ambushed by a cooperative Aegon/Aemond and dies fighting, easy peasy. The logic is sound, it is a weird change to make.

Speaking of bad tactics, why only send one dragon? If the other dragons were busy that would be one thing, but they mainly aren't, they are doing nothing of note at the time, you have like 4 of them. In the book Rhaenyra is being a bad leader, too grief-stricken or cowardly to go herself, and too possessive of her sons to let them fight; it is shown as a mistake. In this show it is shown as a moment of Rhaenys's courage; she is like "I will go your grace" and everyone is like "oooh" and the question of why this is a solo mission just gets swept aside. Again, you know Vhagar is stronger than you, teamwork is the only real chance you have, while having more dragons is your primary advantage. The Blacks can and should make mistakes, but it has to be framed as mistakes by the show.

This is of course downstream of the "make Rhaenyra the Good Guy" decision; but beyond the Rhaenys idiocy I think this worked great for her here. She didn't hesitate to help her allies; the moment she returned from her failed peace mission, she got right to work. Trying to make peace was idealistic but people are sometimes. And meanwhile I continue to support the Aegon's Dream choice - it really does give her this solid motivation beyond power for her commitment to her inheritance. It is framed really well - like she herself only half believes the prophecy. She is choosing to believe it because she is stuck now and needs moral certainty for the choices she is going to make. That is a very human thing to do, and insightful to essentially admit her own biases out the gate. It makes her likeable without giving her a moral pass for anything.

I do think the show has tipped a bit too far into the "greens = bad guys" camp in comparison though. I would have fixed that by making Rhaenyra more directly complicit in past crimes like killing those who called her children bastards, show she is too committed to this whole "law & prophecy above all" bit, and that the Greens have some legitimate grievances against her. But we may see her get corrupted by the war yet; hopefully they have the courage when it matters most.

[shadowshrike]

“that you've trapped him in a new, 'nicer' but similarly insidious cycle of abuse with a "savior" figure that he isn't emotionally mature enough to recognize as controlling his life.” he sends 7k people to hell but sure it’s about “controlling his life” are you daft??? Like genuinely dumb.

Thank you for perfectly illustrating my point. There are so many different ways to understand and play this story, and if you feel strongly about one, you may not appreciate the others. This particular example brings up many questions that someone may answer differently while playing:

How much do I think Astarion is capable of and willing to change? How much do I think his vulnerability and occasional sweetness are acts to placate the player? How much do his intent, desires, or what's best for him vs the world/the player even matter to me?

How much does his situation reflect my own experiences? What would I have wanted in his position? What do I think would be best for him in his position? Do I think he would resent someone for making either choice, consciously or subconsciously?

Do I think power is corrupting or revealing of a person's true nature? Do I want to bring out that true nature, regardless of the answer?

Do I want to play a 'moral' game? Does something else feel more satisfying to me?

Is absolute autonomy or power for a person I love more important to me than whatever happens to other people? Is it more important to me than what happens to that person, too? Is personal catharsis my absolute goal?

Do I believe that those 7000 people were effectively doomed and/or monsters already? Do I believe that sending them to hell is significantly worse than what would happen to them otherwise? Do I think I could save them somehow as we have other doomed souls?

These are all valid things to answer differently in a piece of fiction. As is typical in DnD, his story constantly rides a dissonance between something very real (abuse, being controlled by fear, the desire to seek justice and have a brighter future, the fact that victims are not always pleasant people) and something that's very not (dooming thousands of souls, being abused for several human lifetimes, immortality, the curse of vampirism) which means people's emotional responses are going to vary wildly.

How you weigh those choices is up to you. There's going to be diversity in how we perceive a complex story, especially with weakly defined or easy-to-miss fantastical elements, which is the beauty of fandom. To this anonymous poster: if you don't personally think there's ever any justification for Ascension in any type of playthrough due to the cost of 7000 souls - cool, don't do it. My post was very clearly not directed at anyone who isn't excited by the idea of exploring all outcomes. If you can't find common ground with those who do enjoy it, kindly just leave them alone. Have fun with your game and celebrate what you love with those who love the same stuff. Those who prefer Ascended Astarion for any reason aren't hurting you or others by enjoying a game in a particular way, finding different things attractive than you, or placing their moral values differently than yours.

[littlest-w01f]

Down Bad

Feyre x Tamlin

For @feylinweek

Music fic Masterlist

MAIN MASTERLIST

Day 7: Free Day

Summary: Feyre and Tamlin fell for each other faster than they wanted to

Cw: Amarantha (Also I forgot how to add Cws... is that a Cw...?)

A/N: Trying to get back into writing but exams are close so will probably not post much anytime soon, really wanted to do something for Feylin week since I couldn't for Tamlin and Nesta ones. Also trying out this new thing I'm gonna name "Music fic" so do let me know if you like this :)

Tell me I was the chosen one

Feyre sighed, pressing her hands in her face as the carriage moved, she was fighting tears when he yelled his love for her. Her heart racing faster than the horses pulling the carriage. She wanted to yell back she loved him, that she'd never felt love quite like she had with him, that she'd never felt loved before him. But the words got caught in her throat, eyes getting teary.

Tamlin watched her go, put her above him, she would be safe in the mortal realm, he'd never thought he could feel so strongly for a human, that it was strong enough to abandon his mission to save his people. Tamlin put the life of the mortal he loved before his entire court, before the entirety of Prythian.

Showed me that this world is bigger than us

Then sent me back where I came from

Feyre passed out from her tears, waking up while the carriage crossed the wall, she kept looking back, hoping Tamlin had changed his mind and was behind her. She called out his name, but he didn't show. He'd let her go.

A new place that she would now call her house came into view, because she had left her home back in Spring.

For a moment, I knew cosmic love

Tamlin would've laughed at himself, had he known he would be in his mother's garden, crying over a human girl, shoulders shaking as his tears nourished the soil where the roses blossomed brighter. The Tamlin that cursed and berated Amarantha would've laughed at him for falling for a girl who killed his friend. He was meant to make her fall in love with him, not fall for her himself.

But he had fallen, and fallen hard, more than he'd ever loved any female, he had loved this one human girl. He didn't hear Lucien approach him carefully till he was in his friend's arms, fist tightening around a rose hard enough to make him bleed from the thorns and for the stem to break.

Feyre was numb as Elain hugged her tight, asking her all kinds of questions about their aunt, a lie Tamlin had them all believing, she gave her quick answers, eyes unfocused. Though she didn't miss the look that Nesta was giving her, it wasn't the usual look she had seen many times, she was sure this was the first time she had seen concern from her eldest sister.

She was numb as she asked to be excused and made her way to her new room, way less grand than it had been in the Spring manor, her face unable to even crack a smile at the canvases and paints that were set on the corner of her room.

Everything comes out teenage petulance

"Feyre, you need to eat something." Nesta sighed from the doorway to her room as she walked in, eyes on the plate of food that one of the maids had left for Feyre, the food completely untouched.

Feyre was lying on her side, her back away from Nesta, "I'm not hungry..." She barely whispered.

"You haven't been hungry for almost 12 hours." Nesta pointed out, sitting on the bed beside her sister.

The sisters sat in silence, for the first time in their lives the silence between them was comforting. But Feyre didn't reply, didn't talk.

"I might just die, it would make no difference"

Tamlin groaned, forced to kneel before Amarantha, head bowed, cringing at the way she felt his hair, trying to not show it.

"Rhysand told me you found a human..." Amarantha tutted, nails scratching his shoulder, "What a dumb girl you must have found, which one of your males did she kill...?" She mocked him with her questions.

"Where is she?" Tamlin gasped as in a second, Amarantha gripped his throat tight, anger in her eyes, "Where is Clare Beddor?"

Tamlin didn't let himself seem relaxed, Feyre hadn't told Rhysand her real name, he wouldn't tell her a thing, not speak, or make a sound.

"Beat him till he talks." Amarantha threw him to her guards, and walked out of the dungeon she kept him in.

Down bad, wakin' up in blood

Starin' at the sky, come back and pick me up

Tamlin woke up covered in bruises, broken bones healing slow, he was on his back, his body in pain. He hadn't broken, hadn't given her the satisfaction of seeing him broken.

He wouldn't, for Feyre, he would be strong. He could find a way to still keep her safe, knowing Amarantha's forces were out in the mortal lands searching for a girl named Clare Beddor. He'd never tell them a thing. They'd have to kill him for it.

Fuck it if I can't have us

I might just not get up, I might stay

Feyre lay in Elain's gardens, every flower seemed to remind her of Tamlin, feeling closer to him near the fauna. She couldn't help but wonder what might happen to her Tamlin under the blight, how he might be suffering. Her hand trailed one of Elain's roses, "I love you, thorns and all." Tamlin's voice echoed in her head.

A tear fell from her eye, she missed him too much, and her heart ached for him. She had to go back to Spring, go back in his arms.

They'll say I'm nuts if I talk about

The existence of you

Feyre kept the life she lived with Tamlin to herself, there was no one she could tell who might understand. She was meant to hate Faeries, but she fell in love with one. Her human heart had loved Tamlin with every inch of it.

Who could she tell? That her heart belonged to a Fae, that even if she was back in with her family she missed the two Fae she had lived with for the past months terribly.

She hadn't said a word till Nesta had revealed she knew of what actually happened to her. Feyre had unveiled everything to her in an instant. Every feeling she had in her heart, she had spilled.

For a moment, I was heavenstruck

Tamlin held his breath as Feyre stood before him, before Amarantha, in front of everyone Under the Mountian, declaring her love for him. Feyre had come to save the male she loved.

Their eyes met and Tamlin hid every emotion that came across his face, he wanted to beg her to run away, to not fall into Amarantha's trap and save herself.

But Feyre was adamant about saving Tamlin, like he had her. She would take on anything that was in store for her.

How dare you think it's romantic

Leaving me safe and stranded

They were finally alone after months, just the two of them, holding their breath, there was so much they wanted to ask each other, 'Why did you try to save me?' 'Why are you here to save me?'.

But neither asked a thing as they melted in a kiss, if this was their only moment, they would spend it close, in each other's warmth, in love.

'Cause fuck it, I was in love

{General taglist - @nox-ceur @lilah-asteria @paleidiot}

[meldingintheunderdark]

I've been reading your metas. While I do agree with some of your points there is one thing I can't help but strongly disagree on. I think Halsin enjoyers are aware of Halsin's faults, his trauma, his struggles. We don't all think he's "a healthy partner devoid of problems" but I believe in my opinion, that Halsin has the potential to heal, to do better, and maybe this commune can help him and help others, not fully per se but help heal in some way. It's not going to be smooth sailing, there will be bumps along the way, Halsin does need support, there's no denying that. I don't think Halsin enjoyers are naïve to that, we just want to see him happy as well. But reading these metas feels like... there is no hope for Halsin, the children in his care are doomed and I don't think that's the case. It won't be easy but not hopeless, it won't be perfect, there is still room to grow and learn (though I am following a more tav mindset than a dark urge mindset)

Thank you for reading my metas!

It's embarrassing but English isn't my first language, therefore I might not be as clear as I thought.

This said, I've mentioned many times my headcanons are my own. I don't believe Halsin's dream will explode in a great ball of fire but it'll most certainly not be as happy and lighthearted as it is in game. There will be consequences and not all of them will be positive.

Reading your comment, I fail to comprehend the issue.

Isn't it obvious there is no correct way to interpret Halsin's actions? Isn't it evident our perception and understanding are heavily influenced by our own life experiences, our knowledge, our fields of study, work, mental health, etc? Everything I write is inherently subjective.

From my point of view, when you read my metas, it's crystal clear I have a colossal obsession with fatherhood, unhealthy coping mechanisms or even avoidance regarding mental health, and the pain they cause to oneself and loved ones. I relate so intensely to Halsin, thus I'm extremely critical of his choices. You prefer to focus on him partly healing thanks to nine wagons of children. To each their own. I relate to him because his hurt hurts others unintentionally and I want to talk about this.

I also have every right to voice my thoughts, to be upset for dumb reasons and to share my questionable opinions. I haven't done any proper case study of the Halsin-centric fandom. Nevertheless, it's hypocritical to pretend the fandom isn't overwhelmingly focused on a positive analysis of Halsin and his ending, hence your reaction. It's just how fandoms work. Some opinions are overly represented, therefore an echo chamber is created and maintained. It's also very human to yearn for a comforting character who does good, tries his best and succeeds. I find comfort in a character who is hurting, hurts others and, paradoxically, is so very selfless, good-hearted and caring. I'm not saying Halsin is abusive or so foolish he'll doom the world. I've not claimed Halsin won't learn to live with his trauma, won't be happy or won't help people. The commune seems filled with traumatized adults and kids, Halsin is no therapist. Good intentions don't magically lead to solely good outcomes. Some may be fantastic. A few neutral. Others damaging. It's life.

Every content created is not made for you specifically either. If my posts are unpleasant, and I'm aware they can be, please spare yourself and block me.

Last but not least, I am a Halsin enjoyer. He's my favorite character. My tumblr is about Halsin and my Durge. They'll have their well deserved happily ever after. I simply imagine more heartache and pain than you do.

[icarusbetide]

the time my friend argued that jefferson would be a raging capitalist today

questions along the vein of "would this founding father be a democrat or a republican", etc. etc. are impossible to answer for a lot of reasons - 18th century politics don't match up nicely with our idea of left or right. even if we really really dumb it down to big gov, small gov; manufacturing vs. farming; it gets complicated. throw in modern issues and it's a whole other deal entirely. and obviously if they were resurrected and dropped into this world today they would be so overwhelmed and irrelevant it doesn't even matter.

but as someone who believes environment has a huge impact on people, i do wonder what they would be like if they were born and raised in today's world. how many political convictions or personality traits are going to translate directly?

my fellow history geek who studies economics had a really interesting argument about hamilton and jefferson. (all of this is based off of the assumption that they were born and raised in the modern era. this was a stupid conversation we had while procrastinating, don't take it too seriously!)

Hamilton:

obviously based on history, the first thing i said is that hamilton would be a wall street capitalist dude. but my friend said that you could make a (simple, rough) argument that his economic policies were radical for the time, moving away from the existing more mercantile structure. if we're going by solely what's considered radical today, it's a different picture. and he made the point that hamilton had a focus on energetic, involved government - very clearly clashing with fiscal conversative values of free markets and reduced debt, etc. so even if we translated him as a capitalist, it wouldn't be purely fiscal libertarian/conservative.

he wasn't by any means a destitute rags to riches story, but he did face quite a lot of early trauma and prejudice. illegitimacy and being west indian aren't as stigmatized in today's world - but if he still goes through similar experiences in a modern context, in a world less bound to enlightenment ideals? my friend (again over simplistically, he wants me to emphasize that) said "okay. let's say we translate that struggle to him being raised by a single mom and a deadbeat dad, with an immigrant status? he faces the problems in the existing structures, maybe the foster system? and if we accept that he might have had feelings for john laurens, that's probably going to affect him heavily; in today's world i can see him being more of a left-leaning person politically."

we both hesitantly agreed that given some of his qualities, childhood experience, etc. the fanfics that depict a modern hamilton to be at least liberal might not be too off? he'd still be a realist, wary of perceived demagogues, etc. and always fighting on twitter. my friend very strongly made the case that "just because he created and backed a capitalist financial system in the 1700s doesn't mean he would be right-wing now. simplifying but if he genuinely believed that his plans back then would improve the lives of americans, then he might see the system we have today and hate it. because it's not working: we're falling behind in a lot of important statistics; hamilton had negative qualities for sure but i do think he was genuine in trying to find what he thought would actually improve people's lives. he wasn't entirely motivated by money, right? he cut off his other incomes as treasury secretary? yes he was ambitious but he wanted to get things done. if anything, he'd see the ineffectiveness of a whole bunch of crap happening today and hate that."

he also thinks that because hamilton dedicated a lot to working on systems (both federal governmental and economic, perhaps the two most controversial and important ones at that time) it's valid (given that earlier childhood translation as well) that he'd be very interested in social programs and economic programs today. less of the federal government thing since that's more set in stone.

so his tldr: "i know it seems like presentism and wishful thinking for me to say that modern hamilton might've been left-leaning, but i really do think it's a possibility, if we translate some of his experiences to our world. there are other founders i'd argue that would be much more conservative and or capitalist. please don't attack me."

me: "wait who do you think would be the raging capitalist?"

him: "Jefferson. if we assume he's born into a rich, rich, prestigious family today - chances are he's the son of a ceo or some corporation. and that isn't exactly old money but you can argue that any colonist family is less old money compared to the actual british nobility. and how far back is old money? if it was his grandfather who struck it big then he's still got that trust fund kid energy. so in a way, we could argue that he'd actually be the raging capitalist, probably still wanting a smaller government but for the free market and tax cuts."

this was hilarious because i focused in on his ability to hone into what the public wants to hear, and thought he'd be one of those hipster, seemingly social justice warrior people who still harbor a great amount of elitism and hypocrisy.

my friend pointed out that both can be true. he can be like kendall roy and tweet "we must overthrow the culture of corruption that silences women" while being a piece of shit with a crazy family.

you'll probably notice that this is entirely speculatory, and a lot of it is based on vibes. and we made a lot of logical jumps in terms of translating influential experiences at that time to something equivalent in the modern day. this isn't scholarly or well justified in any way - we aren't trying to prove anything but it's fun to see what aspects of their personalities we pull out. how hilarious is it to consider a hamilton raging against the financial systems and structures of america while jefferson supports big corporations or whatnot?

[badgerhuan]

Mitsunoko :3c

@saltyfilmmajor NANCY HI I KNOW IT'S YOU

so I've waited until I'm stuck on a bus for about an hour to answer this on my phone bc otherwise it's going to turn into a 10 page propaganda manifesto with screenshots and I do not actually have the spoons for that.

they make me UNWELL.

Ship It

1. What made you ship it?

my beloved friend @twotwinks was playing through Ace Attorney Investigations and liveblogging it at me. and at one point jhe sent me a screenshot where Itonokogiri swears to follow Mitsurugi through thick and thin. and then was promptly dragged away from him kicking and screaming.

famous last words

jhe then started microdosing me with content about these two in the games, and after I told my treasured friend @maverickcalf about it they also started putting posts about them on my dash. and it took about three weeks before I caved and read through the entire ao3 tag of the ship in one night and. the rest is history, as they might say.

ive always had a passing interest in Gyakuten Saiban but just never got around to getting into it properly. I'd bought and played through a bit of GS6 when it first came out but didn't get very far bc of my limited Japanese then. when MT got really into it I thought it was the perfect chance for me to familiarize myself with the franchise (nothing better than a friend that infodumps) but I. never expected to fall into the franchise as hard as I did, especially not in This Specific Way. this will now be my entire personality for the next three years.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

god where do I START.

I think what really does strike me is in the first game, how much they clearly trust each other. Itonokogiri is Loud about it so we know clearly where he stands, but while Mitsurugi doesn't say it out loud there are so many scenes where his actions dictate he does trust Itonokogiri. small instances that makes you go HUH. like the fact that he feels bad about keeping things from Itonokogiri in Turnabout Goodbyes!! and the fact that Naruhodou suspected it would hurt him and WEAPONIZED that against him. like. GOD. WHAT THE FUCK. HOW IS THAT CANON.

another thing I love so much about them is that despite fitting the stereotypical roles of a smart character + a not so bright character, Mitsurugi is never condescending to Itonokogiri. it delighted me so much in Gyakuten Kenji 1 where Itonokogiri would have a question about something, and Mitsurugi would just explain it very plainly and straightforwardly to him, without judgement. it means so much to me!!! he never calls him dumb or stupid to his face!! even in his thoughts the most he does is phrase it tactfully in a way that doesn't outright insult Itonokogiri whenever he does something unexpected. I just. oughhh I love them so much.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

oh boy do I.

having only played the games in Japanese and only learned about the changes made in the English version through my friends, I strongly believe the English localization of the franchise is at best a pale comparison to the original and at worst a purposeful character assassination of many of the characters, ESPECIALLY Itonokogiri. to me, Ace Attorney is a completely different franchise from Gyakuten Saiban and the characters in the localization are not and will never be the same characters as the ones in the original. I respect the people in the fandom that love version of the ship and the characters in the localization but I need people to understand. they have a very different vibe from the original version of them. because Itonokogiri, a Japanese man, not understanding what a ceiling fan (katakana) is, and Gumshoe, an American, not understanding what a ceiling fan (English) is, have very different implications, and Mitsurugi's and Edgeworth's reactions differ greatly based on that.

I can never engage with the English-speaking fandom at large bc of that and it saddens me, but at this point I care about Mitsurugi and Itonokogiri's characterization in the original Japanese versions of the games Too Much to compromise on it.

oh and even among jp fans I am camp mitsunoko instead of nokomitsu (it's less about the top and bottom thing and more about the vibes and dynamics bc on GOD Itonokogiri would NEVER be the one to make the first move are you KIDDING ME) and that pigeonholes me into an even MORE niche corner LMAO.

anyway I think that still turned out longer than I meant for it to be sgskhsjs but godddd they plague my every waking thought. ITONOKOGIRI CHECKS UP ON MITSURUGI AFTER AN EARTHQUAKE. MITSURUGI ONLY TOLD ITONOKOGIRI ABOUT HIS TRIP ABROAD AND NO ONE ELSE. THEY CAN'T COMMUNICATE FOR SHIT AND NEVER TALK ABOUT ANYTHING BUT THEY KNOW EACH OTHER SO WELL. WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS.

[deandoesthingstome]

Night Moves

Chapter 2

Pairing: Walter Marshall x OFC (Alexandra Pierce)

Series Summary: When Walter Marshall is called to investigate a homicide by the railroad tracks, he quickly uncovers an unsettling pattern. Alexandra Pierce just wants someone to find out what happened to her friend. She has some secrets, too. And Walter’s going to uncover them.

Word Count: 2486

Series Warnings: In general, this series will depict assault, murder, stripping, hooking, rough sex, make up sex, fingering, oral (m and F receiving), p in v sex in various positions, self-loathing, failed relationships, smoking, drug use, drug addiction, general violence, and maybe some comfort. +18, Minors DNI

Chapter Warnings: Misogyny, grumpy Walter, general police investigation discussion, social work, mention of failed relationships.

Disclaimers: I do not own Walter Marshall, Night Hunter (Nomis), or any other characters from that movie, but I do own this OFC (Alexandra Pierce) and these words. Do not repost as your own. Likes, Reblogs, and Comments are more than welcome. It’s how I get my nourishment.

Header made by me, with pics found from Pexel.com and the internet. Dividers are not mine, but check out the masterlist for credit.

Playlist:  Night Moves Songs 4 -7  Direct Spotify link here.

Masterlist

Well even if I didn’t have plans, I clearly can’t go out on patrol again for a while. Fuck. I went too far the other night. I just couldn’t control myself again. I've been doing so well lately.

But all these harlots, wandering the streets in their slutty little outfits, acting like we owe them something. Acting like they shouldn’t just be home, taking care of someone. Someone like me. It just gets to me.

It took so long to finally find someone who wanted to be mine. Years of hiding, years of swallowing the truth of what I know about who these cunts are, acting like I fit in. 

She’ll never know. About me. About where I really come from. About what I really do. But I'm gonna keep doing it. They deserve it. They all need to learn their lessons. 

That’s all it was ever supposed to be, no matter how many times I slipped. Just a lesson. A reminder that they aren’t the hot shit that they think they are. A push in the right direction. If I could get even one dumb bitch off the street, it would all be worth it.

But that last trick. She had a real fuckin’ mouth on her. Stupid girl. See what it gets you? Acting like you’re better than me? You aren’t better than me. You know it now, don’t you? 

And then that little asshole showed up so all I could do was hide the body and scram. Good thing he didn’t see too much. If she’d been found sooner, I could be in trouble. Still, I wanted to move her somewhere more private. Stick her with her cunty friends. 

Bitch.

“So tell me again why no one’s been looking for this guy when we know where he likes to hunt? I get it, the sketches aren’t much to go on, but fuck!” Walter slams the files on Rachel’s desk, leaning with his fists on the dark wood top and staring the profiler directly in the face. 

“Lieutenant Marshall, Walter, you… you know that’s not my call,” Rachel sighs with exasperation.

“Yeah, but you can strongly recommend…”

“Walter, this is going to get us nowhere. What do you want me to do now? Because at this moment, there is no search and the longer we argue about why there wasn’t one in the first place, the more opportunity someone has to repeat a crime. So can we cut to the chase? Please?”

Walter jerks his head back with a little shake, as if he can’t believe what he’s just heard.

“Alright then, I want you to review the details in these files and put out a BOLO. And I want you to get the commander to start a task force.”

“And I suppose you also have some ideas about who should be on that force?” Rachel quirks an eyebrow in question.

“Yes, right. I’m taking Jonas and we're going to canvasse the clubs to see if anyone knows someone missing who could be the tracks victim.”

Rachel drags the pile of folders her way, grabs the first file, and flips it open to begin scanning for details. “Sorry, how are these cases related?” 

“Read the descriptions of the attacks,” Walter nods his head toward the file in Rachel’s hand. “Almost to a tee, they are exactly the same. Except for the locations. Remote, disused bus stops. Little, or sometimes no lights from street lamps that have been reported out for three months or more. Late night. Victims say they had just missed the second to last bus of the evening, so they can’t walk away because if they miss the next one, they have to hail a cab and can’t afford the fare across town to their apartments. And then…”

“And then, jesus,” Rachel interrupts. “What the fuck? This guy starts taunting them, trying to goad them into a fist fight? In the middle of the night with no one around? No provocation?”

“Right. And our Jane Doe at the tracks was beat up. To a pulp. Like her face doesn’t exist anymore. Not in any recognizable way. We’re gonna have to hope her DNA is in the system, or look for dental records or something, to identify her.”

“So you think this guy is escalating?” Rachels asks as she grabs the second file to confirm Walter’s story.

“You tell me. You’re the profiler”

“Walter, don’t be a dick. I got these files two minutes ago.”

“You haven’t seen these before? Well, why didn’t you say so before I…?”

“Before you what, barged in here and demanded answers to a question I hadn’t heard yet?” Rachel holds Walter’s gaze with a knowing look and waits for him to back down before she picks up the third file.

Walter picks his fists up from the desk and slumps back into the chair across from Rachel, waiting for her to finish the rest of the files. He crosses his arms across his chest and stretches his booted feet as far forward as he can before they are stopped by her desk. 

His gaze shifts to the floor as he contemplates the change he’s seen in Rachel over the past year and a half. She’s grown so much more confident than when she first joined the precinct. Several more quick wins had solidified her stature with the department and while he always maintained a professional demeanor at the office, away he could do nothing but watch her slip through his fingers the way Angie had. He admired the strength of these women in his life, but something was always just a little off and he could never put his finger on it. He wanted to trust them, but how could he when he didn’t even trust himself?

Walter returns his gaze to Rachel when he hears the thud of the final file back to the pile.

“Yeah, okay. But you know, Commander’s gonna want it small. This guy is wearing a ski mask, which ought to stick out here in the spring, But this isn’t tourists or ladies who lunch or university kids. This is..”

“Hookers. Yeah. I know. Doesn’t mean they don’t deserve a fairer shot. Doesn’t mean they should have to walk around in fear for their safety just because this is the way they have to make a living. We good here?” Walter stands and waits for Rachel to nod before nodding back and rounding the chair to leave her office.

“And Walter? For the record, and for what it's worth, I agree.”

Walter half-turns back to accept her olive branch with a heavy sigh, nods once again toward Rachel, and leaves for real this time.

He stops by Mick’s desk and tells him they’ll meet up at 9 at the first club on the list. Early enough the smaller opening crowds should make it easier to take some of the dancers’ time without too much fuss from management.

For now, he has a dinner date with Faye.

“Alex!” Hannah exclaimed. “Thank goodness you’re here. We have a stack of new boxes of pamphlets that need sorting and then the meeting starts in 20. Do you have time to sort out the other volunteers and maybe get someone to run for donuts and coffee?”

Alexandra nodded with a big smile, leaning in to give Hannah a hug before turning to survey the small group of undergrads who showed up at her request. They were all in the one undergraduate level course she agreed to teach during spring semester. In return, her doctorate advisor agreed to her thesis subject and to keep quiet about the way she planned to gather her research. At least until the paper was written and her thesis defense was heard, at which time no one would be in the dark about her time at the club. 

She sent one of her crew off to the donut shop and explained to the rest how to sort and stack the handouts, where to replenish the displays, and where to store the rest of the stock. When the meeting began, she waited for Hannah to introduce her once again, knowing there are always new women who come for support or information. She smiled widely as she thanked Hannah and stood to take the podium. She was professional as she provided information about STD’s, the best ways to prevent them, and where to find the free clinics that can help with diagnoses and medication. 

But her eyes scanned the crowd. It was a larger turnout than normal, which would give her an opportunity to meet some new women and hopefully enlist them for supporting interviews. She glanced back and forth several times, hoping she was just tired and missing a face. Not that she’d ever mistake Trixie’s face. 

The fact of the matter was, Trixie wasn’t here. Clinic visits were a time to check in with Trixie in a place where she felt safer and was more open to suggestions on where to turn for help, financial or otherwise. It wasn’t like her to not show at a meeting. And it had been a few days since she’d shown up at the club. Which wasn’t necessarily a concern. 

Except Alex knew Trixie was light on funds and would never miss shifts at the club, especially when doing so meant you might not pick up those shifts again. Alex had not forgotten the last conversation they’d had when she stopped by the police station the morning before to report her missing. She also couldn’t forget the way the officer taking her statement had shifted into judgment as soon as the story of who Trixie was and what she was likely doing the last time Alex had seen her came out. They’d given Alex the time of day because she showed up in civilian clothes and presented as a professional with university credentials. But a hooker not showing up for her stripping shift? Who cared?

Alex made up her mind before even finishing her community service spiel - she’d head to the station again and demand they follow up on her missing person report as soon as her clinic shift was over.

Walter tosses back the last of the coffee in his thermos before turning off the engine and heading into the precinct. He spent five hours last night hitting up clubs and speaking with women on the street, three of which were after he sent Mick home for some rest. He stared at the case files again for another two hours when he got home. His late arrival is going to be noticed, but detectives rarely keep regular hours when a case is new.

He and Mick spend the day calling the assault victims, checking to see if they can remember anything else about their attacker that didn’t make it into the file. The results are a nice mixed bag of voicemail boxes and apologies. Nothing new to go on. 

He grabs another mug of coffee from the kitchen and walks down to the file room to check if any more possible case matches have shown up in the database. The clerk tells him there are two.

“They’re just retrieving them now. I’m headed on break as soon as they get here. I can drop ‘em on your desk on the way out so you don’t need to wait.”

“That’d be great,” Walter thanks him and heads over to Rachel’s office to confirm the rest of the details about the task force the captain agreed to. 

They discuss a delay in confirming the ID of their Jane Doe, since the partials didn’t come out too clean and the coroner’s report mentioned the finger pads had been shaved off. Walter missed that on his cursory glance at the head when he visited the crime scene and he kicks himself mentally for the slip up. 

They’ll have to rely on the results of the blood and DNA work to match her if she’s in the system. That’ll be a few more days at least because no one is rushing this case officially. No rich daddy breathing down the commissioners neck or distraught mother pleading her case on national television. 

No, no one cares about who this woman was. But Walter does. He and Rachel flag a few more detectives to help with canvassing and Rachel says she’ll fill them in.

“You look tired already, Walter.”

“It’s nothing new,” he scoffs.

“True, but this case is new. Don’t burn yourself out already.”

His eyes search hers, looking for something deeper to match the intimate feeling he gets from her knowing comment, but all he sees is the friendship she offered him when it was over. He thinks this is good, since he’s mostly over it, too.

He’s ready to pack it in for the day. Mick’s already left to get some sleep before heading out again tonight. Walter holds the door open for a nice looking woman on his way out and she gives him a cautious smile in thanks.

He stops on the sidewalk to make a quick call to Faye and see if they’re still on for pizza this weekend. She’s chatting his ear off about some party or another she’s been invited to and he can’t make heads or tails if she does or doesn’t want to go so it’s another ten minutes before he can get her off the phone with a promise to have breakfast with him on Sunday instead.

He’s all the way in the truck before he remembers the files he left on his desk. He wanted to bring them home and compare them with the rest. So he climbs back down and does a light jog across the parking lot to retrieve it.

There’s a commotion in the detective’s bull pen and he notices the woman again. He can see she’s not happy. He hears Rachel offer the woman a chair and ask her to sit and cool down.

“You think I’m out of control?” the woman shouts. “Baby, you watch me freak out!” She shoves the chair out of her way and storms out of the building, breezing past Walter in the process.

“Walter!” Rachel calls to him as soon as she notices he’s stepped back into the building. “Stop her!”

But Walter’s running on about four hours of sleep that even the strongest coffee all day long isn’t helping, so his reflexes are slow. By the time he turns around and wrenches the door open, the only thing he sees is a shitty Nissan Sentra peeling out of the lot. Bold moves right in front of the station, but he reckons it’s technically going the speed limit by the time the car breaks at the corner and then turns out of sight. Nobody else is shuffling around, so he turns to go back inside.

“What the fuck was that?”

Chapter 3

Taglist:

Anything: @kittenofdoomage @mayloma @sillyrabbit81 @fvckinghenrycavill @kebabgirl67 @beck07990  @mysweetlittledesire @summersong69 @mollymal (I can’t tag you two, sorry) (Also throwing in a few from the old days for old times sake ;) @littlegreenplasticsoldier @anotherwinchesterfangirl @sebbytrash @feelmyroarrrr)

Night Moves: @luclittlepond (I can’t tag you, sorry) @enchantedbytomandhenry @kingliam2019  @henryownsme @geraltsyenn4eva @littlefreya @identity2212 @marantha @angelcavill66 @sweetdreamsofgelato

[thegeminisage]

as someone who wasn't around in 2014....can you tell me what it was like? (stucky) can you give me a taste of the gardens of babylon etc

what was it like...this is such a fun question i want you to know i gave serious thought to my answer and also discussed it at length with my 2014 friend last night and i know already it's gonna be so long. sorry that i answered your ask at fuck o clock in the morning i am scheduling it to go up later and also at the time you sent the ask in to make sure you see it

ok so like. i mean, you're on the fandom website, right, so i assume youve been in fandoms. idk if youve ever been in a really, REALLY big fandom, at the same time that said fandom was also producing content (even if the source material was not). think d*stiel post nov 5, or undert*le circa late 2015/early 2016, or z*lda after totk came out, or h*rry p*tter as the seventh book was being released. (i'm censoring to avoid a false positive of anybody's blacklist except in the case of the last one, which i am censoring out of <3 disrespect.) like there's something REALLY luxurious about being in ANY large and active fandom and it's mostly the power of crowdsourcing. st*r tr*k 2009's tarsus iv headcanons. the storm trooper lore re: the f*rce awakens before the second two movies came out. everyone just kind of agreeing that dean w*nchester was a teenage hooker. you know?

like, that's "just fanon," sure, but part of the beauty of it is that no one person makes up fanon, we all gather in the biggest writing group in the world and collectively go insane and bat ideas back and forth. there are a hundred THOUSAND fics about bucky barnes on ao3 and that's just the people who were writing, not even counting artists and gifmakers and meta-writers and people who just reblog stuff. i can't possibly begin to put an accurate number to how many people are in any given fandom at any given time, but imagine (on the low end, i'm sure) there are THOUSANDS, perhaps tens of thousands, of people going nuts about stevebucky at all times. tens of THOUSANDS people doing "yes and" with each other on the internet 24 hours a day seven days a week. it's just like being in any fandom, you log on to your dash and see what the mewchies posted while you were gone, but in a fandom so huge and so active you were getting bombarded with idea after idea after idea every single second, so if you don't like one you're spoiled for choice in what you engage with next. it didn't even matter that cap3 was two years away or that it sucked when it finally got here because we collectively wrote cap3 a million times over. like, genuinely, it was a mass creative exercise. it's the biggest writing group in the world. for better or worse, we were shaping our own version of that universe, without any input from or regard to the people who actually created the characters and movie, in a way that compelled most strongly to our own tastes and demographic.

what made this particular movie/fandom special though was a few things. firstly i still genuinely believe it was ahead of its time...marvel shit pre disney was allowed to be political in ways it is ABSOLUTELY not now. like, cap2 could say "the government is secretly full of nazis and they all need to burn" in 2014 two years before the 2016 election and 7 years before jan 6. like you just couldn't say that now. "war bad" is an oldie but goodie, but "our entire government is corrupt and needs to be torn into flaming pieces and cast into the potomac" is um. pretty radical. so is, by the way, "men as victims" and "men having emotions" etcetc. like, not in fandom, fandom all but invented that shit, but as far as dumb superhero movies go. i can't tell you the number of metas i read AND WROTE discussing steve rogers and masculinity and how all that was portrayed, intentionally or not, in that fucking film. i had entire separate universes built up in my head for steve who was born a cis girl and steve who decided later in life that "nonbinary" or "trans woman" was a better fit and then steve who was born as a cis boy and remained a man his whole life but felt weird and different ways about being queer which clashed with the weird and different ways BARNES felt about being queer. i'm not saying the film (or the fandom! good lord) was perfect, it was a product of its time, but it was also WAY ahead of its time too. it was weird to expect the next film to come out and actually, like, be good. it wasnt, but we fully believed it would be and that wasn't delusional behavior because the last one had been. i would never have that kind of faith in a marvel project now because they've been bought by disney.

oh yeah and that's the other thing too like. speaking of queer people. gay marriage wasn't legal in the US on a federal level until 2015, and you couldn't just flip on your TV and see them whenever you wanted. ten years doesn't seem like that long ago in the grand scheme of things but like, we lived on glee and cw/mtv queerbait (disclaimer that i personally only participated in cw queerbait) and that was it. we had crumbs. and like when people write gay characters theyre Just Gay, but if you decide to be crazy stupid in a slash fandom you can decide these layered characters are gay and that's even better rep than um whatever was going on in other pieces of media. these guys are both so lonely and out of step with time and lack other people with "shared life experiences" (girl what the hell was that) and their connection w each other keeps them afloat in a world that doesn't want them so like of COURSE it seems like it's supposed to be romantic. and like, i could and did make myself and my tumblr buds crrrazy (and got made crazy by them) thinking about:

how steve's size when small and again when big interacted w his gender identity and his sexuality and how that sexuality manifested. barnes's identity As A Man hinging on his ability to go to war for his country bc Thats What Men Did but now he's no longer fit because theres worms in his brain. loss of bodily autonomy which usually happens to women and natasha being later in that journey than steve and bucky are and so close to being at peace with it but not there yet. stigmatization of seeking treatment for mental health issues lessened by the presence of sam who could have been a Macho Tough Guy but actually gives off strong Talk About Our Feelings And Be Soft vibes. don't even get me started on the relationship (predatory) between steve and rumlow and how it parallels the one between barnes and pierce (and if any of you motherfuckers BREATHE a word of that h*dra tr*sh p*rty shit in my direction i will END you) and the stigma that comes from being preyed on when vulnerable As Men. steve's depression and ptsd and him getting triggered by, yes, the fucking ALS ice bucket challenge. the collective belief that he was conscious when he was frozen even though nobody said that so that he and barnes could have that in common too. the headcanon about barnes having roma heritage - shoutout to not easily conquered my beloved, and the 14k smut coda i wrote for it✌ speaking of smut, i would be remiss also not to mention there was a STRONG element of collective lust involved. i'm immune to 99% of it bc im ace but the winter soldier was uh. VERY graceful. you know? i didn't write 14k of porn because i was uncompelled. we were on one. we went fucking crazy. fandom in general but especially big fandoms have a kind of nonstop endless well of creative energy born from obsession that is the absolute envy of people like my mortal enemy grrm. we NEVER quit.

also, HISTORY (and other vaguely educational subjects). we were all so desperate to know how steve and bucky would have lived in the years we couldn't see them it sparked a sitewide interest in 1940s american history. there was a thing about bananas tasting different now because of a plague. m&ms being invented as wartime candy. stuff about how shoebox apartments looked and how rations worked. 1940s recipes and radio shows. the 1940s queer movement and how it interacted with ballroom dancing and private drag get-togethers. how amputations work and how prosthetic limbs work in real life so we could extrapolate it to fantasy. how to hand-draw that fucking arm in photoshop. why soldiers are trained to say their serial numbers when captured. what ww2 was like. what dog tags are for. what did they get in the ration packs. what brand of cigarettes did they smoke. what brand (and i am being so serious, i STILL own a tube) of LIPSTICK did peggy carter use. caloric intake of someone with a 4x speed metabolism and how much famine peanut butter he'd need to eat daily to keep from starving to death. oppression of irish immigrants and their children/grandchildren back in the 1940s. the difference between conservatives and fascists, back when there was a difference. what activities generally took place on these mysterious but ever-present new york city docks. just exactly HOW many terrible movies and tv shows has sebastian stan been in ranked by his resemblance to james buchanan barnes in each one. (i personally went through his entire imdb list at the time and then made a venn diagram.) electroswing! teachers and professors would have killed for their classes to have the kind of enthusiasm a bunch of mentally ill teenagers and 20-somethings on tunglr dot edu were showing about this one very specific set of subjects. this film also sparked my love of fight scenes. if you've read this fic or this fic and liked the Big Fight Scenes in them, you can thank cap2 for leading me down that path.

and then yes there was also discourse. my personal most hated thing was the above mentioned h*dra tr*sh p*rty (DO NOT GOOGLE THAT, i will just tell you it's nazi rape porn🤢 and i hope everyone involved is having a bad day today) and also the fact that SOME FUCKING PEOPLE can't understand "don't be shitheads about a fanfic where the author can see you doing it." but then ofc people were also sexist about nat and racist about sam and minimalizing those guys (and every other character besides tony really but sometimes him too) for the two white male leads was a whole thing. and on the funnier side of things you had (justifiably, i suppose) bitter st*ny fans who HATED what those two got in avengers and got real mad when stucky started outpacing them on ao3. and people complaining about the characters being too uwu soft. and then other people arguing whether or not barnes counted as disabled when he was missing a Whole arm. and THEN discourse about was it ethical to remove the arm and build him a new one ESPECIALLY without his consent (if people don't know they're being ableist in their fanfics hypothetically is it still ok to kill them with hammers?) and why was tony doing it if that guy killed his parents and is it ok that we keep making tony not that mad about his dead parents is it not enough that barnes stole his limelight as the guy who gets shipped with steve but what if all three of them fucked but can you really fuck the guy who offed your folks but ACTUALLY isn't it cringe to like tony anyway since RDJ and gwenyth paltrow are bad people and who says chris evans are sebastian stan are such good people etcetcetc. and let us not even get started on the plausibility of the avengers tower fanon after age of ultron came out and it turns out nobody became friends and they all still hated and mistrusted each other. and whether or not the avengers could be considered found family if the other characters were constantly getting shafted into being barnes's little support animals. and then ofc every once in awhile one of the actors of people involved creatively would say something ranging from mildly controversial to absolutely horrible on the internet and we'd all fight about THAT for awhile like a dog with a bone. i mean. typical infighting of any fandom tbh.

but i was very happy. it was all the most enormous thought experiment and creative endeavor (and semi-educational adventure??) that we all participated in daily for like two-ish years without stopping ever. i loved doing it. AND, when you click with a piece of media like that, you also click with other people who clicked with that same piece of media, so in addition to the sheer level of dopamine going into my brain at all times i also formed decade-long friendships that will certainly last the entirety of my lifetime, and when we're in our 90s in nursing homes i will be able to say, "we are friends because i wrote 14k of smut for your fanfic" or "we are friends because i couldn't get enough of your gifsets" or whatever because you know, we quite literally went to stucky together.

[my-castles-crumbling]

My opinion of you? Hmmmm. Well honestly, my opinion of you… really fucking good.

I dunno how comfortable you are with compliments so i’m putting a little warning here; compliments incoming :)

Firstly, you are an awesome writer. Like genuinely. Plus it’s so impressive that you write/post those microfics everyday, it’s serious (sirius haha) dedication, and most ppl wouldn’t have it in them to keep a routine like that. 

Two, you have legit saved people. People here felt safe enough to ask you for help, and from all i’ve seen, you’re damn good at giving advice. 

Plus I saw that one anon you answered where you told the person not to admit they cheated if it’d get them in more trouble than they deserve, and I salut you for that. (I remember you also told them that cheating is wrong and mostly don’t do it- don’t worry I got the right message). 

Anyway, my point is, there aren’t many places people feel safe enough to talk about their problems or insecurities or even dangers. Especially on the internet. So you’ve made a really good community here. You should be proud. 

But we’re doing full honesty right? So honestly, I think that it seems like sometimes you don’t have enough faith in yourself. 

I mean your fics are amazing, but also, they’re fucking free and a gift to the fandom. So you shouldn’t feel the need to meet anyone’s demands or be good enough for anyone but yourself. 

And here, you have helped so many people, I understand insecurity is a part of living, but maybe you don’t get how helpful your blog is. Whenever I come on here, you’ve posted a microfic or made a marauders joke or truly helped someone (with annoyingly good advice btw, i’m an adult and yet NO WHERE NEAR as mature, so good on u), and it’s soothing. You’re soothing.

Give yourself credit, is what i’m saying. 

You’re allowed to feel proud that you help people, proud that people love your writing, and ignore anyone who’s an asshole cause they’re dumb anyway.

And don’t forget that you don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe anyone a fic, or a tumblr post or an anon answer or even (within reason) kindness. You’re being generous with your time and your kindness by helping people. And while obviously that’s a good thing, you shouldn’t feel pressured to do so. 

Wait let me rephrase that- anyone who pressures you to do so is a bad person and should be strongly ignored. 

You don’t have to apologise for not wanting to post or be on social media. And anyone who cares should value that you’re taking time for yourself. 

Plus, and sorry if it’s weird to bring up your like, real life, but I think you’re probably a really great teacher. I didn’t have many people who believed in me growing up and you seem like someone who believes in people. And that’s what matters most. 

(Plus all teachers are criminally underpaid so like- good for you sticking with a half shitty job- though then again all jobs are half shitty) 

Also, and in this day and age this is a truly high compliment, you don’t seem like you’ve ever sent hate. 

You just have that vibe. You know… nice :)

So yes, that is my opinion of you.

Also, random question, how much gory stuff in films can you take? Usually i’m pretty alright, but I watched a pretty gross film earlier and it reminded I can’t watch everything gory. 

So yeah… that’s all ❤️

Hi, um...I am SO sorry, my my allergies are terrible and I seem to be sweating from my eyes....nothing to see here...😭😭😭😭

Thank you. Genuinely. I have honestly been struggling a fair amount lately, so notes like this make a much bigger difference than you would think <3

As far as films, I'm alright with gore. I actually LOVE horror films, but I prefer psychological horror and horror based on East Asian legends.

Thank you again <3 <3 <3

[cardio-undercover]

Do you ever wonder/go looking for a partner who will engage in your dark cardio fantasies? I got very lucky that my GF is into this whole thing as well, and has far better sense than I do. I’m the kinda idiot to skip meds not thinking about it and toss my arrhythmia out of whack. Meanwhile she’s staying on top of things while I don’t wish to worry her. But even if I am on top of things, when we bang, I sometimes end up with her stopping because I’m trying to push my body too far and it is objecting, strongly.

I guess I feel real lucky that my gal is actively invested in making sure I’m okay and won’t let me do something outside of stupidity. Which when I’m like a deer in rut, I will do. I become very dumb. And need someone to make sure I don’t overdo anything. And to tell me I could get really hurt. And that they love me enough that I believe them.

Is that the kind of life partner you’d like, or would you just want a cardiophile partner to play with and keep your relationship separate? I’m curious because I don’t think I would trust someone outside of my SO(s?) to be rational enough to stop so I didn’t have a dangerous episode.

(I like your posts, can I have 🦌 as my sign off?)

-🦌

Hi! Sorry for responding late, I never get notifications about inbox messages 🙃 but this is a good question! First off, I love that you and your GF look after each other so well. That’s awesome and definitely what I strive to have one day lol.

Secondly, I definitely would want to ideally have it be my partner. However, I’ve never told ANYONE that I’m into this. One person found out without my consent, and even then, I’m still paranoid about it. So I’m never sure how to approach the topic, if I even want to.

That being said, based on the amount of people here (and on Reddit, on other websites, etc.), I think that the pool is much bigger than most of us think. Even if there aren’t that many cardiophiles, I’ve seen people be openly interested or at least tolerant of it. Especially since it can be used in other kinks (such as D/S or S/M).

But if I never find someone like that, I genuinely think I’m fine never mentioning it to a partner and only fantasizing. I’ve never felt an urge to tell anyone. But I also have other kinks that I enjoy just as much. It’s also easy to think “oh fuck my heart’s beating fast” during sex lol.

That’s my take on it. Also thanks! You can definitely use the deer emoji. I’m glad you like my content! :)

[spaceorphan18]

Is it true that Chris Colfer really hates klaine?

Well, since I am not Chris Colfer, or someone who worked closely with him on set, or one of his good friends - I cannot really answer that question.

I can tell you my opinion as someone very distantly removed though. I think that Chris had a very complicated relationship with the fact that he was one half of a TV power couple.

I think between his natural inclination to be a very independent person, the fact that as an actor he sometimes wanted more drama to play with, and the fact that there were certain members of a certain fandom who so strongly believed he was dating his costar that his life, his costars life, and the both of their significant others' lives were not only disrupted but sometimes threatened - it sometimes felt like a difficult beast to deal with.

But I also think that removed from it - as a concept - it wasn't a thing he had a problem with, and he was well aware of how much the relationship and story meant to people.

I don't think that he hated Klaine in the way that people weaponize it as an excuse to shit on the ship. I don't think it was about the story lines (even if he did have his opinions) or that he hated Darren or anything. (He and Darren are on good terms, were friends on set, and are cordial now.)

I do think that he greatly disliked the fandom monster that it created. The one that demanded every action and every answer had to be related to Klaine. The one that demanded he sacrifice his individuality at the alter of the cult created by the loudest of the loud shippers. He disliked that his privacy was constantly being invaded. And he disliked that people he loved were being harassed by strangers. All of /that/ is what he hated.

Have you read Stranger Than Fanfiction, Nonny? Because I think how Chris feels about shipping and fandom, in general, is pretty close to how he feels about it. I think that was his book to be therapeutic about his experiences. And... he was pretty kind in it. One thing I really got from it is, while he hilariously has no idea what fandoming really is, he understands enough to separate the crazies from the non-crazies. I recommend you read it - it might clarify things for you.

I'll say this though...

Regardless of how Chris felt about it -- his opinion shouldn't reflect on how /you/ feel about it. Kurt's story and Klaine's story was really good television. And Chris's opinion is so biased from living through it -- that it will always color how he feels. And that should not have any bearing on how /you/ feel about it.

People do weaponize Chris's opinions as a way to prove that enjoying the story is wrong. These people are shitheads - and are trying to use anything to justify their own annoying opinions. Just ignore them.

Chris isn't always right. Look - I love the guy, but there were times when he had opinions or thoughts that I was like -- ooff, bb, no. He'd often refer to all Klaine fans as twelve-year-old girls. And maybe from his vantage point, they were. But eventually (hopefully) a publicist must have jumped in because he did stop saying that. But it took a while, and it was always cringy listening to him talk about the fans. He also would have preferred more drama between Burt and Kurt -- to which I say, no, that's dumb, and I'm glad you didn't write it... Just because he played Kurt doesn't mean that he's /right/.

So, Idk, Nonny - I can't give you a definitive answer. I don't think it's a simple yes or no answer. But I also think you should come to your own conclusions and judge how you want to feel about a thing without needing validation from me, or other loud internet people, or Chris himself.

But that's my two cents. *shrugs*