#and yeah. whatever i dont know i contain multitudes and i dont have to be miserable forever. maybe I'll

[welcometoteyvat]

jing yuan and yanqing are giving zhongli and xiao if the latter’s canon relationship was Actually fanon’s made up father figure/adopted child dynamic

[mainfaggot]

life is all about sitting in cafés with a latte and a cute outfit on

[literaphobe]

no but SPEAK YOUR TRUTH re: fandom Marichat... I see so much of Angsty Forbidden Lovers Pining Sexily and I am confused??? Why make Chat Noir a strong dark brooding dude (I mean yeah he is brooding but he also is goofy af about it) and Marinette a damsel in distress (she IS dramatic BUT she is also a Disaster Baby Girl and Everyday Ladybug and Literal Ladybug, she can handle herself). It seems like some people need this 'romantic' hetero dynamic so badly to work that they change characterizations that are well established in canon. and like, no shame for that, but I feel like it takes away what is so precious about their relationship/s and the whole love square dynamic. IMO the truth is that Marichat are silly bisexual friends that bicker and go to the movies and sometimes they fake date or practice love confessions. Marinette gives Chat Noir shit but in a friendly way because she doesn't have to be 'professional' and Chat Noir wants to impress Marinette because... you know. Even as Chat Noir he thinks Marinette is brilliant and the funniest person ever. And they are in love (see Elation) but so are ALL sides of the love square so duh. thanks for coming to my TED talk let me know what you think!!!

chat noir is so dark brooding and strong but hes ALSO got a serious case of the SILLIES!!!!! he's got all this repressed fury and rage but he's also full of love and tender care. sweetness. he is a complex character that the Larger Fandom Space likes to hack away and throw archetypes onto. similarly, marinette is a one-woman wrecking crew. whether she's transformed or not. she IS constantly in distress and god help her someone save her. but NOT in the way that Larger Fandom Space thinks. those people saw chat carry marinette away from danger and run away Once and decided thats all they were and that they are the only side of the love square that does that. dsghs

marichat actually contains multitudes and is so fun to work with, think about, and analyze. but they get hit with the no fun straight people beam and suddenly All She Is is some weak helpless girl who can't do anything and needs to be saved and All He Is is some guy who won't stop calling her Princess and like idk growling and. whatever else they want. and then they say stuff like True Selves and act like the other sides are unhealthy and only marichat is healthy or whatever. and then depict them unhealthily. i just dont know man. im like everywhere bro except for like wattpad and i do not wanna know how they depict marichat THERE

in all honesty, marichat AREN'T by default their 'true selves' around each other. obviously this is due to the fact that all sides of the love square have stuff to hide from each other. but i would even go so far as to ascertain that (especially in) Early Stages of marichat interactions, they are trying to portray their most INAUTHENTIC selves and that makes them BRILLIANT

okay so marinette -> she knows chat noir right? very well. but at the same time she CANT show that she knows him well. she has to pretend that hes just some guy. or that shes a bit of a fangirl. very much Expert Pretending To Be Novice vibes. similarly with chat noir -> he totallyyyyy doesn't know this girl all that well either. she CAN'T know that this super cool superhero is actually one of her Good Friends at school. so its like they're both actors in a play but they BOTH think they're the only ones acting. but at the same time, for marinette, the facade starts to fall because she can only pretend this isnt her best friend for so long. the best example of this for me is glaciator 2, where she just starts yelling at chat noir like he's HER chat noir, like she's the one who knows him. the chance of him arguing back drops bc it likely throws him off but is also refreshing bc whoaaa marinette can yell at him like that? only its not the him SHE knows. marinette can yell at him bc she's a little bit insane and also bc he isn't in love with THIS her so he'll be fine!! and he likes it bc he can sense her comfort and also be entertained by it at the same time and its fun getting close to her without her like freaking out and escaping from him. blah blah blah they r in love!!!!!!! but the point is inevitably there are feelings on all sides

i feel as though when the reveal happens none of the sides should be dating tbh. bc that would be too easy. oh yay my gf/bf is also another person i know and love! epic! but imagine if there was pain on every side. some form of feelings, some form of love, some form of heartbreak. thats where we get the part where they have to reconcile that all this pain and failures happened because of all the identities and secrets and their inherent connection and chemistry. they SHOULD feel doubt over whether they were meant to be together at all. and then realize that this couldn't be any more perfect. because they were never meant to choose. and after finding out, they'll never have to

yeah idk where im going anymore LETS KISS ANON UR SO WOKE THANK U FOR SENDING ME A JUICY ASK :D

[mellotronmkll]

Sometimes I get insecure about the fact that I look pretty boring I'm like maybe I should put more effort into my appearance you know try harder to look weird and interesting. You know do more with my hair accessorize more get some clothes that are more fun and out there whatever whatever put more of my personality into how I look. But then at the end of the day I realize the thing is I just cba like at all its just so much effort cos yeah I contain multitudes but the idea of expressing myself via the way I look and dress just does not come naturally to me. Idk how to explain it but. Like I just straight up don't think about it. Plus i dont like spending money on those things plus its not fun for me to like go shopping for clothes etc its like pulling teeth for me actually and I get so overwhelmed in thrift stores and I HATE online shopping and I just will never do it . plus im really picky about textures etc and i just have so many issues where when i do buy stuff i end up never wearing it cos id rather wear the one pair of pants i feel comfortable in and like my one flannel i wear every day cos its the only thing that doesnt make me want to crawl out of my skin um so it's ok I'll continue to look so boring and normal idrgaf

[noweyesee]

Let’s talk about •••

••• Spirit Work

Pt.1/2

• Spirit Work 101

Spirit Work is a term that was coined very recently, mostly having an upsurge with the new age witchcraft in social medias - that is not to say that the practice of communicating with spirits is new, rather, that such a term can be used in an overgeneralized manner. That in turn leads to misinformation about the topic.

•• So, what is Spirit Work?

Broadly, it is seen as a witchcraft practice where a person uses their abilities to communicate with spirits - people who have passed, guides, ancestors and such. What the term doesn’t clarify is that there are a multitude of ways in doing that, from religious practices to self developed methods as well as the target audience of that spirit work.

Taking a look at the word spirit we find the first divergence of intent: those stated before all fall in the category of deceased human spirits; then we have those who through their animistic or similar beliefs include the spirits of animals and all beings (and “things”) who once lived. Then, we have another category, those that communicate with the otherworldly and nature centred beings that have passed (though most commonly those are still alive), such as the Fae. Others include communication with deities in this practice, and lastly, we have another modality of those that work with the essence of spirits, be they dead or alive - they are included for they too have soul. • This is the first break, and as such themes and different styles of practitioners can already be found, most commonly used are Mediums, Healers, Channelers, Communicators.

Outside of that, we have believers and followers of certain religions that also have this designated space for that type of communication, though I won’t go into detail for this, Norse Paganism, Spiritism and African Traditional and Descending Religions, are some of them.

••• So, no, it is not a bad thing that this practice has been disseminated and made accessible to all practitioners, witches, pagans and heathens out there - but one must always take a step back and analyze the information they have as well as the intent they will follow in this path.

Spirit Work is no game, it can have serious consequences and that should not discourage you to try - rather, encourage you to be attentive and take it seriously.

• What not to do

This here, at least for me (but feel free to add on or disagree, the beauty of the community are the different methods after all) - are some of the absolute don’ts when practicing Spirit Work, divided in two topics as there is a theoretical and a practical side to it.

• Theoretical

Don’t immediately go following any instructions, no matter if they explicitly are for summoning, inviting or channeling or just imply that it’ll make your communication with spirits easier.

Because: You need to be 100% aware of what exactly you are doing, though there are some good sources, it is always good to double and even triple check ingredients, intents and procedures before starting anything.

Don’t begin anything if you don’t have contingency plans and a way to clear a possible mess up.

Because: When doing this type of work, you are the only thing you have control of - spirits can be volatile, especially if you’re starting communication with ones you never had contact with before. Plan ahead and certify yourself that even if something goes out of what was expected you'll be able to deal with it.

• Practical

Don’t call forth anything that you have no idea what and who exactly it is.

Because: There are opportunistic spirits that excel in impersonating. If your intentions are unclear when channeling or inviting someone or something they can and will take the chance. Be clear about who you are working with.

Don’t be rude or insistent towards spirits.

Because: Spirits deserve respect, and as such, you won’t want to anger an immaterial being just because of impatience. Treat them as you would like to be treated. Being firm doesn’t mean being rude.

Don’t keep your sensitivity channel open, if you can.

Because: The Spirit World is everywhere, and it exists alongside our material World. When working with spirits you’ll see that there are moments you need to distance yourself otherwise the input will be constant. Learn how to control and lock your sensitivity as it is being developed to minimize bothersome encounters or overload of inputs.

Don’t do your Spirit Work in any place - reserve a specific place for it.

Because: Not only is this a sign of respect towards the spirits you’ll be communicating with, but it also makes it easier for you to control, cleanse and protect that environment.

•• How to

Preparation and Protection

After that many Dont´s, we finally go towards the Do´s. Let me get this right, I by nature am extremely paranoid, and due to that I find preparation and protection essential to control variables, be confident and to keep calm - like this, I don’t fear the unknown nor the uncontrollable because one way or another I'm ready for it.

Now, once again, these preparatory and protective steps will depend a lot on what method of Spirit Work you’re practicing, but some of them are pretty universal and these are the one’s I’ll be passing on to you.

• To Prepare

A spirit worker's body and spirit must always be clear, attentive and sensible. To prepare you must do whatever rituals pertain to your practice, that prepare you emotionally, psychologically and spiritually to deal and work with spirits.

This might include meditation, trance work, cleansing rituals and so on - this takes off the layer of mundane impressions that could marr your interpretation and leave you like a clean slate through which the Spirit’s voice can be clearly understood.

Your working space should also be clean on any influencing energies, organized and quiet enough (or loud enough depending on your vertent) for you to focus solely on the presence you’ll be working with.

I particularly find that asking for permission and guidance from my guides always makes this preparation process easier, as that is their realm and their ponctuations, advice and warnings are always welcome.

• Being Protected

There are three points of protection: Your Body (which is the conductor of your energy), Your Mind (which contains your Spirit - though not all beliefs follow this) and Your House (or de place you do your Spirit work).

These three should be duly protected and warded as you see fit before you start your spirit work. Methods for those vary as they can be easily found around the internet, in books and such. I wouldn’t be able to tell you which method of protection and warding you’ll prefer, which you’ll absolutely trust to work and which will be ideal to your specific target audience with spirit work but, one advice: Never share all ingredients nor steps of your protection and warding spells.

You may realize that I rarely, if ever, post spells. The answer is simple: any spell can be counteracted, especially if people know everything you used.

And trust me when I say that these protection and warding spells of your for Spirit Working are ones you wouldn’t like to be tampered with.

•••• 👁 ••••

For now that’s it, this post was very broad as I talked about general warnings and things of importance that precede the practice of Spirit Working. It’ll be a short series of posts, with only two.

The second one will be more action centered, most likely bigger with explanations of what to do in each case of spirit working. Till then, yeah?

-Lou

[hereiamagainiguess]

The Box in the Basement

It was Katsuki's turn to make dinner and Izuku couldn’t wait, Katsuki’s cooking was his favourite, besides maybe his mums. Even then, there were some things he just made better, not that he would ever admit that to Inko herself.

"Hey Kacchan, do we have any kettlebells?"

"In the basement, nerd,"

Izuku smiled to himself and stood up, putting his notebook and pen on the coffee table and stretched his arms out above his head until he heard the crack of his joints.

He slipped his house shoes on his feet and headed towards the basement door.

The two had been living together in this house for a year and a half now, and Izuku doesn't remember ever needing to go into the basement.

Not since they moved in and stored odd things in there that they wanted out of the way, anyway.

He descended the uneven steps to the heavy wooden door and pulled the latch before shuffling into the dusty room, flicking on the light and watching the bulb flicker to life.

As his eyes scanned the room to find what he came down for, his eyes lingered on an aged wooden box, hidden in the corner.

Huh. He didn't think he'd ever seen that before, it definitely wasn't his. Shaking his head, curiosity won over his restraint and he sat on the hardwood floor next to the box and studied it.

It was a dark mahogany with a smooth glaze, chipped in areas showing its age. The hinges and fittings were a dull brass, with identical studs over the lid.

Izuku ran a scarred hand over the metal with a curiosity as his fingers found the latch, flipping it open and peering inside.

Now, the box wasn't too big, it was your average sized chest.

Inside, Izuku saw a multitude of different things, including clothes from Katsuki's teenage years, some old All Might merch and some gifts he received from Izuku during their time at middle school.

It made him smile to know that he had kept those despite everything that happened between them.

To say Katsuki made fun of Izuku for being sentimental, this whole box seems to contain the blonde's own memories of the past.

Digging through it with a smile unearthed some picture frames, photos of Katsuki and his parents, with some of his extended family, and right at the bottom was a picture of him and Izuku as children, caught in a priceless moment of laughter.

His heart melted as he looked at the photo, a silly grin widened on his face as appraising eyes gazed at the photo. He would have to replace the frame, maybe see if he can convince the man upstairs to put it on the mantle with their UA memories.

He set the picture aside gently, continuing to dig through the box.

At the very bottom, was something he never thought he would see again, that he hadn’t laid eyes on since he was sure it was disposed of in middle school. His eyes widened at the sight of it, realisation coming to mind as he willed himself not to get emotional.

“Hero Analysis for the Future : 13”

He had carefully removed the signature from All Might and thrown the notebook out, counting it damaged beyond repair. Whatever hadn't been fried was damaged by the water from the koi pond.

It was in a plastic cover, almost preserving it, and with shaky hands, Izuku picked it up. He flicked through it, seeing his notes copied on new paper that was hastily shoved between each page in teen Katsuki's scratchy lettering.

Tears welled up in his eyes despite his efforts, as he turned the pages, seeing all the notes that could be recovered copied out onto nice lined paper.

He rubbed his eyes before flicking to the empty pages, when out fell an envelope, addressed to "Deku".

The handwriting was still what Katsuki's used to be when they were in UA.

He slipped his finger under the seal for the envelope and pulled out the sheets of paper, unfolding them and smoothing the creases.

"Deku

If you're reading this, it means I've found my goddamn balls to give you this back.

I saw it on my way home that day with the shitty fucking sludge villain, and something made me stop and take it with me.

I don't know, I dont fucking know why I burnt it in the first place, maybe subconsciously shitty younger me thought it'd be a setback to you.

In that moment I remembered how you looked when taking these dumb notes, how happy and invested you seem and it made me feel like an ass I guess.

Especially after your dumb ass saved me. Yeah, I can admit that now.

Because since then you've saved me many more times in multiple ways.

I wasn't used to feeling like I was wrong about anything, stupid right?

I just kept it for a while, but now in our second year I decided to do something with it, now we are talking again.

I salvaged what notes I could.

Is this weird? Maybe it's weird. Maybe you've already forgotten this.

But I don't think either of us will forget what I said that day.

For what it's worth, nerd, I'm glad you didn't listen to me.

I don't know what had crawled up my ass and died but no one deserves to hear that, especially not you.

I have had nightmares y'know, of you following through because of me.

I didn't know how to fix it, I was dumb. Hell, I still am.

I know now I never hated you, I didn't know how to feel things other than anger after a certain point and I took it out on you. Sometimes I'm no better than I was back then. But I know you’ll be patient with me even though I don’t deserve it.

Anyway, this is too much sap for this time of night.

I'm sorry.

I hope one day I can atone enough

I love you Izuku

-Kacchan,"

Izuku was fully crying by the end of this, barely registering the footsteps.

"Hey nerd? What's taking you so long? Dinner is ready,"

Katsuki walked up and saw a pile of crying nerd on the floor holding a letter.

"Oh,"

Izuku looked up and his eyes met crimson, wobbly smile shining through his sobs.

"Kacchan,"

He shifted nervously, keeping his eyes on the green haired hero., not knowing exactly what to say.

"I guess I never got the balls to give it to you, huh, " he smiled a little, clearly out of his depth.

He really hadn’t expected for Izuku to find any of that stuff.

A flash of familiar green light was all the warning he got before being tackled into a hug. Luckily for him, he managed to catch himself before he fell at the impact. He had plenty of practice with this particular circumstance.

"Kacchan," he sobbed into the blonde's shoulder, holding him tight.

He wrapped his arms around the shaking body gripping him, gently playing with the stray curls at the nape of his neck.

“I got you,”

https://twitter.com/niamhwaite/status/1427792906979581953?s=20

[katierosefun]

hi how are u : )

quick writing q, how did you come up with original characters? are they star wars characters or just like general?

i feel like i have ideas but like. struggle to make them into people. if that makes sense.

hiya!!! i’m good, hope you’re doing well!!! (and thank you for asking this question because,,,you should know i geeked out temporarily because someone’s asking me about original characters??? whooo boy!!!) 

also...things got lengthy (again), so i added all this under the cut!

okay, so i have like one (1) star wars original character named eiko, who i introduced in time, wondrous time. introducing eiko took a while and it was a lot of me being super anxious and kind of lowkey scared because...star wars fans tend to be a little protective, and sometimes original characters aren’t that well-liked, especially because of that fear of “mary sue”-ness and etc. 

so in the case of a star wars original character and to avoid the problems specific to and inherent to all the problems we run into with original characters in fanfic writing, i just kind of. make sure that she’s actually got some traits that! people can mostly relate to! 

so for instance, eiko’s just a very anxious kid who wants to be a good padawan, but: 

how do you be a good padawan anyways when there were already so many amazing jedi who walked the path  before you?

how do you handle those expectations? 

are you harder on yourself because of it? probably. 

do you glow when given compliments? absolutely.

and i guess when making a star wars original character, or an original character in any pre-established fandom, then you really want to make sure that if they’re connected to a canon character in some way, the canon character gets a storyline of their own. 

the canon character and the original character can rely on each other from time to time, but i think it would be kinda boring if the original character just followed around canon characters and never figured things out for themselves. 

basically: we want your original character to have some independence away from the canon characters.

how do they act when they’re alone? 

what do they do in their free time? those are things to think about when you’re trying to better grasp an original character in a pre-existing fandom.

but in terms of writing original original characters, i have this thing where like. i just take a singular personality trait that (usually) i have and dial it up to 100000. because, as one of my own friends likes to say, we contain multitudes. there are so many lives and so many different facets of you that are sometimes fighting for the spotlight--and sometimes, i like to give those different facets a little bit more of a voice in original characters. 

because really, chances are, those little bits of you that are still hiding around the corners? those traits are sometimes more exemplified in other people. so, like, if that was confusing (which i know it was), a quick example: 

i will be the first to admit that sometimes, i can be an incredibly rude person. (idk how much of a surprise that is to people. i hope it’s a bit of a surprise, because i don’t like to be rude.) 

and of course, there are tons of very, very, very rude people in real life. the reason why i’m not rude 24/7 is because there’s a part of me that dials it down a quick notch. but there are people out there who don’t have that dial, and they’re able to exist relatively freely just being the rude people they are. 

so that’s kinda where i start in making my characters feel a little more real/also a little more diverse in character! 

because as one of my creative writing instructors once told me, writers tend to be a quiet bunch. and i think anything we write--including characters--tend to reflect huge parts of ourselves, so imagine if we just had a cast of quiet characters who twiddled their thumbs all the time. that’s not a good story, and those aren’t always very dynamic characters. so have fun! take one singular trait that you find intriguing about yourself or in in others and say to yourself, “okay, but what if i dialed it up?” see where it gets you!

but i guess if we want to talk more about how to make characters feel like more real people, then i guess it goes down to the age-old question all writers need to ask when looking at their characters: 

what does your character want?

think about it. anything your character wants is what is ultimately going to drive them forward to do what they’re going to do. act the way they’re going to act, say what they’re going to say. 

there’s a story that i wrote a while back about a girl who’s the daughter of an assassin. she wants to be a lawyer, while her mom wants her to follow the family business and become an assassin as well. 

so how does the mom act? the mom does everything in her power to get her daughter to be excited about being an assassin--lets her in on interrogation rooms, takes her to a shooting range, gets increasingly frustrated and turns up the denial denial denial mode every time her daughter talks about the possibility of law school. 

the daughter? the daughter does everything in her power to make sure her mom knows that she doesn’t want to be an assassin. she deliberately lounges around during the interrogation, she misses all the targets on the shooting range on purpose, etc. 

so, in essence: your characters have to want something first. as soon as they want something, the rest will slowly come to place. even if you’ve never been an assassin or the relative of one, you still probably relate to at least the feeling of wanting something badly, and all people know that feeling too! it’s real, and it’s human to want something. 

combine that want with, idk, the type of background you have for your characters (and there’s a ton of different resources on developing that specifically), and soon, you’ll find yourself writing/communicating/tearing your hair out with a much more fleshed-out character.

and, if you’ve done all these and you still want to know a little more about your character, another thing to flesh out original characters/stories: 

1. write fanfic of them. no, seriously, do it. sometimes you can’t really write your big story/novel/whatever right away, but you have a very specific scene or you want to reimagine them in a different setting and just play around with them. that’s okay! what are they like in a modern day high school au? in a coffeeshop au? play around with it, and see what’s consistent (do they meet the same people in the same manner over and over again? do they like to listen to one specific kind of music? do they still talk funny? do they still wear x?) 

2. make playlists! like...music is personally one of my big inspirations, so this is where i usually throw in some good old playlists. more times than not, i’m able to write with my original characters with my original character’s specific playlist playing in the background. (and it’s wonderful! i have one character playlist that’s almost solely musical/disney music because she’s a very innocent kind of gal, while another playlist is very heavy punk/rock because that’s Just How She Is.)

3. write incorrect quotes! you know the ones i’m talking about--there are so many incorrect quote blogs on tumblr. i have a separate, private sideblog here on tumblr that’s completely dedicated to writing incorrect quotes of my original characters. i sometimes post screenshots of them here too, although i haven’t done that in a while. but incorrect quotes are fun, and they might give you a good idea of the kind of characters/archetypes you want them to fit into! 

(and, because i can’t resist, here’s an example from my own original characters:) 

galen: andrea, i need you to swear to me--

andrea: shit

galen: 

galen: i meant swear like promise, andrea //

rosalind: crushes are the worst 

dae: yeah, whenever i’m near one, i just start acting nervous 

rosalind: you’re always nervous 

dae: ...don’t think too hard 

myung, tired: bold of you to assume rosalind thinks

4. alternatively, make a whole private side blog dedicated to your original characters and reblog/tag the posts that remind you of them. like, you know the “[x] characters as tumblr posts”? yeah. i do that a lot. so, just because i really can’t resist, some more examples: 

“Bro, We Are Rivals . Its Ok To Pin ME Up Against A Wall . Im Ur Nemesis . I Hate You . ... Bro, We Are Kissing Now . . No Dont Stop Bro .. Bro ... // @gayarsonist 

oh so you’re just going to wear a black turtleneck?? like some kind of slut?? // @allergic-alien 

and sometimes, i’ll use that blog to also reblog poetry that resonates with my original characters/gifsets of actors/actresses that i would fancast as my original characters. (like,,,did i look at ewan mcgregor in mortdecai and gratuitously tag him as a villain character in one of my wips? yeah. yeah, i did. it’s fun writing that villain character now, though. :)) 

and those are all the tips that i have!!! i hope that helps!!! have fun writing, friend!!

[revolutionary-demosthenes]

So to start off, here are some mini-bios of people who I’ll be talking about! This is going to be a long post, but it will make it easier to understand my future posts if you don’t know some of these people. I’m covering: Alexander Hamilton, John Laurens, Francis Kinloch, Lois Manoël de Vègobre, Johannes Von Müller, Charles Victor de Bonstetten, Alleyne Fitzherbert 1st Baron, St. Helens, and Thomas Gray.

John Laurens: You might’ve heard of him if you listen to Hamilton. John Laurens was born in Charleston, South Carolina. His father was Henry Laurens, a prominent South Carolinian who co-owned the largest slave trading house in North America, “Austin and Laurens.” Yeah. He pretty much was a terrible father and a terrible person. He would later become president of the congressional congress. His mother was named Eleanor Laurens. Her death when John was 16 marked a significantly traumatic event in his life, however in general, John Laurens was very well acquainted with death. He was the fourth child born in his family, but he was the oldest by the time he was four years old, his older siblings all dying at young ages. One can only speculate how these early losses affected young John, or Jack, as his family called him.

John was most likely tutored at a young age. He grew up in very privileged circumstances certainly, as his father was one of the most well-known and rich South Carolinians of the time. 

As John grew up, he became very studious and serious. His father viewed him as the most promising child of the Laurens children, and prayed he would not fall prey to gambling or women. At nearly thirteen, we find our first piece of evidence suggesting John Laurens might be gay. His father Henry Laurens writes, “Master Jack is too closely wedded to his studies to think about any of the Miss Nannies I would not have such a sound in his Ear for a Crown…” In other words, Henry Laurens noticed his son’s unusual lack of interest in girls. Of course, one could read it as a passing comment on how studious his son was, or just thankfulness that Henry’s ‘best’ son didn’t seem to be ‘tempted’ in any way, but this does still confirm that as a young teenager, (and some point out that this is the time when many boys go through puberty, and therefore discover their sexual interests,) John was NOT interested in ladies. 

As John grew even older, his father decided the time was ripe for some education in Europe. Some speculation has occurred that right before John left for Europe he painted a collection known as Pope Brown Collection of South Carolina Natural History. It contains 32 paintings of natural organisms, including many types of birds and plants. This is not confirmed, but it is of interest to many that John Laurens was a very good artist, and probably quite interested in art. Many have heard of the (in)famous turtle drawings John did. In truth, though John did draw the soft-shelled turtle for naturalist Alexander Garden, he most likely did not have an uncommon affection for that particular animal.

So, John soon found himself on a boat to Europe with his younger brothers, Henry jr. and James, known as Jemmy. They eventually settled in Geneva, staying with a family friend. 

But before we even get to Geneva, it is worth noting a passage from a letter by Henry Laurens. This was written while John was briefly enrolled in a school in London. While complaining about the many crimes and indulgences of the city, he mentions “…and every black and execrable Crime had gain’d in the City is equally astonishing and shocking.” Now this simply could be another thrown in crime in the long list that precedes this, but in those those days ‘black crime’ was sometimes a code for homosexuality. So was John exposed to homosexuality in London the way Hamilton was at Nevis? This could provide some context for his later relationship with Francis Kinloch.

In 1772, the Laurens boys arrived in Geneva. John studied a multitude of subjects, and polished up his French. While he fretted about finding his brothers proper schools, his Uncle James Laurens was concerned about a different aspect of his time. Geneva, which had been a theocracy at one point, was now very open to new, more secular ways of thinking. John assured his Uncle that he was not influenced by any of his teachers not being ‘classically’ Christian. But it may not be a coincidence that the place where John most likely had his first homosexual relationship was a place more open to new types of thinking and concepts, especially in terms of religion.

What exactly was this first relationship? To establish some context, we must return briefly to Charlestown, South Carolina. The Kinloch family lived there and did know the Laurens’s. The name ‘Kinloch’ appears in some of Henry Laurens’s papers, and apparently Francis Kinloch’s sister made John ruffles for his travels to Europe. But in 1774, as John was dutifully studying in Geneva, his father wrote to him “From a hint which Waag dropped at Bath tis expected by the freinds of the young Eatonian that he will find a freind in you at Genevé, tho none of ‘em have Said a word to me on the Subject.” This “freind” is in fact Francis Kinloch, so it may be that he and John had met before. 

John and Francis became very good friends along with one of Laurens’s tutors, Luis de Manoel de Vegobre. There is little documentation of the Kinloch-Laurens relationship whilst the latter was in Geneva, but once they were separated many letters were exchanged, several quite romantic sounding. What is quite possibly the most passionate line Laurens ever wrote to a lover is contained at the end of a letter to Francis. “We may differ in our political sentiments my dear Kinloch but I shall always love you for the knowledge I have of your Heart.” Kinloch was a loyalist, influenced by his guardian Thomas Boone, while John Laurens was obviously a patriot and the two debated hotly via letters. 

Another aspect that must be looked at when considering the Laurens-Kinloch relationship is the amount of trust in the relationship. The level of trust is apparent when we see John first express his abolitionist views in a letter to Kinloch,  “I could talk much with you my Dear Friend upon this Subject,” says John, referring to slavery. “and I know your generous Soul would despise and sacrifice Interest to establish the Happiness of so large a Part of the inhabitants of our Soil_  if as some pretend, but I am persuaded more thro’ interest, than from Conviction, the Culture of the Ground with us cannot be carried on without African Slaves, Let us fly it as a hateful Country_ and say ubi Libertas ibi Patria…” Kinloch responded that he supported the ideas, but did not see how fellow Southerners would adopt them. This only illustrates more clearly that though there were serious conflicts, theirs was a loving and trusting relationship. 

When John was forced to leave Geneva, (and he did want to stay… one wonders if Kinloch had something to do with this. It may have been other reasons, like that John felt freer from his father or enjoyed his rich social life.) he wrote a plaintive letter to Kinloch, telling him, “If my Letter is a little confused, dont be surprised at it, for I am quite like a creature in [a] new world…” 

  However, as if John hadn’t lost enough family in his mere nineteen years, his brother Jemmy lost his life that summer. The boy had apparently tried to jump to John’s window and had fractured his skull. John was with his brother through the horrible night. He wrote to his uncle James, “At some Intervals he had his Senses, so far as to be able to answer singe Questions, to beckon me, to form his Lips to kiss me, but for the most part he was delirious and frequently unable to articulate. Puking, Convulsions near very violent, and latterly so gentle as to be scarcely perceived, or deserve the Name, ensued, and Nature yielded.” It is notable that soon after this, John Laurens sent a letter to Francis Kinloch, whom he hadn’t corresponded with since late the year before, 1774. This again illustrates that though the relationship was not flawless or without conflict, Laurens trusted and confided in his friend/lover.

Now studying law at Middle Temple, John received an extremely upsetting letter from Francis Kinloch. Apparently Kinloch was ready to move on from their romance. He starts the letter with an almost deceptively affectionate opening, “Whatever may be your idea of my manner of thinking in political affairs, don’t let that hinder you from telling me yours, and I promise to be as free with you: we hold too fast by one anothers hearts, my dear Laurens, to be afraid of exposing our several opinions to each other.” But Kinloch signs the letter “be certain I shall never forget you.” Apparently John  saw this as Kinloch being done with him, and as a result did something that would change his life forever.

One of Henry Laurens’s business partners, William Manning, was in London the same time as John, and apparently young Laurens came to call occasionally and enjoyed the company of Manning’s children. This is where he met Martha Manning. There is one piece of evidence to suggest that they were courting for a time, however all we know for sure is that Martha became pregnant around the time the last Kinloch letter reached John, and John Laurens was forced to marry the woman, certainly not because he loved her. “Pity has obliged me to marry.” John  wrote to his uncle. It could be that if they were courting prior to the pregnancy, the relationship was one-sided, or was an attempt for John be seen as straight. 

Though John was now married, he was yearning to leave his unhappy marriage and fight for America. An ardent patriot and abolitionist, he longed to go overseas and join the army. Henry Laurens tried his best to hinder his son’s want, but found that John was no longer a child he could bend to his will. So, John boarded a ship to America, not knowing, and possibly not caring, that he was leaving his wife behind. 

Henry Laurens, being a very prominent Carolinian and future president of the Continental Congress, managed to get his son an excellent position as Aide-de-Camp to general George Washington, though John was not officially appointed the position until October 6th or 7th. He joined the staff in August 1777, and met Alexander Hamilton, a man who would change his life forever.

Alexander Hamilton:

In quite a contrast to John Laurens’s privileged, if morbid childhood, future Founding Father Alexander Hamilton was born out of wedlock on the tiny island of St Croix to Rachel Facuette and James Hamilton in either the year 1755 or 1757. (There is great debate over his birth year. Hamilton himself used 1757, but a large amount of evidence from his childhood points to 1755. For time’s sake, we will use 1755.) Hamilton adored books and writing, but was hindered in his intellectual dreams by the grim circumstances he was brought up in. 

Hamilton had a single brother, James, also born out of wedlock. When Hamilton was 12 his mother died of smallpox, quite common at the time. Alexander was also sick, however he recovered, albeit he always had health problems most likely connected to the early brush with mortality.

Where Alexander grew up, blacks outnumbered whites by a ratio of nearly 8:1, so there was existential tension in the air, a constant fear of sugar plantation owners that the slaves would revolt. Indeed, the slave owners were so cruel to their slaves that things Hamilton witnessed as a child appear to have given him a permanent pessimism about human nature. In addition to the rich white landowners and enslaved blacks, there was a population of poor whites and criminals. St. Croix was a place where outcasts in society at the time were sent as well. This included people accused of sodomy (homosexuality). Ron Chernow writes in his biography of Alexander Hamilton, “Hamilton had certainly been exposed to homosexuality as a boy, since many ‘sodomites’ were transported to the Caribbean along with thieves, pickpockets, and others deemed undesirable.” This may explain why Hamilton seemed more at ease with his sexuality than Laurens, who grew up in a more strict, to say the least, household.

After his mother’s untimely death, Alexander and his brother lived with their cousin Peter Lytton. Unfortunately, very soon after the arrangement began, Peter took his own life, leaving the boys with practically no place to go. 

Alexander managed to get a job clerking for a prominent businessman. It is no stretch to assume that this is where Hamilton began his economic studies. While Alexander managed to get a good job, his brother was stuck being a carpenter and competing with others for work. Ron Chernow points out that this is again an example of Hamilton’s superior intellect pulling him out of ditches.

When Alexander was seventeen, a horrible storm shook the island of St. Croix. Hamilton wrote a beautiful and moving account of the hurricane, and this led to people raising enough money for him to enroll in King’s College in New York City. 

Louis Manoël de Vegobre:

A Swiss lawyer who met Francis Kinloch and John Laurens while in Geneva. His early life is pretty elusive, as he does not even have a wikipedia page. He was a math teacher, and John Laurens’s math tutor. John Laurens taught him English, and both Kinloch and Laurens seem to have taught Vegobre to love America, as he grew despairing when he heard about the challenges of the war in America. The book, Evolution of a Federalist: William Loughton Smith of Charleston (1758-1812) says of Vegobre, “When the first rumblings reached Europe, de Vegobre wrote Laurens: ‘Poor America!—you cannot believe how much me heart is moved on its account; you, and after you Kinloch have raised in my mind such a concern for your native country! I am as much affected for what happens to it, as if I were an American…. English friends, I will, I will see you in your country, before I die!’”

Vegobre was likely in a romantic relationship with Kinloch. He wrote to John Laurens in December 1774: “Let me tell you what are these pleasures whose you are the first cause.  I began to understand speaken; I read Spectator, Clarissa, Milton and Shakespear, besides some philophical books.  Never, never in my life I have been so well entertained as I am when I read Milton; and why?  First, for Poet’s excellency, and secondly and chiefly because I read it with Kinloch.  My beloved, my dearest friend is Kinloch; how happy am I, when I teach him some part of natural Philosophy, when I read with him both English and French Poets, when I talk with him about various matters plainly and heartily as with a friend!  Let me say again: Kinloch is my beloved, my dearest friend.”

Charles Victor de Bonstetten (Karl Victor von Bonstetten in German):

A writer from Switzerland, he was educated partly in Geneva, where he would develop the liberal beliefs that alarmed his father enough to make him return to Bern, where Bonstetten was born. He introduced the people of the Ticino Valley to potatoes.

He appears to have had a romance with Johannes Von Müller and Thomas Gray (I will be posting about the Gray- Bonstetten relationship very soon)

Johannes Von Müller:

A historian who’s life goal was to compile a giant master history book on Switzerland. He was a teacher of Greek, and later appointed office by Napoleon himself. He wrote many history books, and traveled throughout Europe throughout his life. 

Letter from Müller to Bonstetten: “Any mistakes I may make in the future will be your fault; that is only if you neglect your letter-writing – your friendship can never grow cold – might I let myself be surprised by a passion. Tell me why I love you more as time passes. You are now incessantly in me and around me. My dearest friend, how much better it is to think of you than to live with the others! How is it possible to desecrate a heart that is consecrated to you? I need you more than ever; over and above these immutable, laudable plans for a useful life and an immortal name I have forsworn everything that is considered to be pleasant and delightful – not only pleasure but love, not only revels, but good living, not only greed, but ambition. B. is everything to me, you make all my battles easy and all abstinence sweet. Thus you live in my mind and especially in my heart. You write to me often, but it does not seem enough to me; you often address only the historian, and do not embrace your friend often enough.” 

Thomas Gray:

I stumbled upon this man while researching Bonstetten and Müller. I came upon the book My Dear Boy: Gay Love Letters Through the Centuries. I saw that one of the essays in the book was entitled Thomas Gray & Charles- Victor de Bonstetten. Intrigued, I clicked on the essay, and then from there I somehow managed to find the archive of a full biography of Gray. Thomas Gray was an English poet. He was/is pretty famous, but not super well-known, partially because he did not publish much in his lifetime. Thomas Gray’s childhood was marred with sadness. He had nearly a dozen siblings, but none except him lived past babyhood. He stayed with his mother once he had left his father, who was abusive. He was born in 1716 and died in 1771.

Francis Kinloch: 

John Laurens’s first boyfriend. He was also born in Charleston (then Charles Town) and educated at Eton College. After this he went to Geneva, where he met John Laurens. He later hosted what I call Kinloch’s Gay Retreat, in which he had Johannes Von Müller, Charles Victor de Bonstetten, and Alleyne Fitzherbert, 1st Baron, St. Helens stay with him.

Alleyne Fitzherbert, 1st Baron, St. Helens:

I haven’t been able to find anything gay about him except he was apparently lord of the bedchamber for George III, and find words.info says this about lord of the bedchamber: “A Lord of the Bedchamber's duties consisted of assisting the King with his dressing, waiting on him when he ate in private, guarding access to him in his bedchamber and closet and providing companionship.” So… possible? Maybe, but King George III also had like 20 other Lords of the Bedchamber. Also fun fact: Mt. St. Helens is named after him!

Hope this was informative!

[robobee]

long long vent below / dead dove etc . not nsft but minors dont interact 

ok SORRY!! SORRY FOR vent postin g on main but this has always been a diary of mine so WHATEVEr i am withering at the fucking seams bro i need to start studying i need to fucking make myself study but its not clicking its not clicking my headphones are broken what will i do if i cant maladaptive daydream while walking back and forth in circles in the dark!!!! yeah its insane whatever but its How I Cope and i need to. i need to block out Outside i need the right music for the right Vibe so i can See it better !!! 

and its like. i feel Too MUch !!!!!!!1TOO MUCH!!!! but NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!! i need to cry i need SOmething but the only cig pack i have is from 2020 and it doesnt feel good at all it just feels Gross and Hot which is a win for the genetic nicotine addiction But not a win for living in FUCKING P*KIST*N!!!!! i cant do ANYTHING here!!!!!!!! cant drink bc thats illegal & cant go outside bc its Exam Season and panoramic and also i burned up all my friendships and all of them r fucking oppressed by their parents too anyways i hate it i hate it 

my head hurts all the Fucking Time i dont even have the energy to punch shit or to write and i Want to draw so badly!!!!! i see it in my head i see it i see it but i cant put it down!!!!!1 i could do it digitally ik i could but setting up digitally means ill have to restart and pray bc my PS is laggy as hell bc this laptop is ancient and i waaant an ipad pro bc i know the ease of drawing will make me draw more which will make my art better but its Fucking Expensive and the price is doubled because again, FUcking shithole needs to have shit imported AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaa also ill be lucky if i get 30 followers maybe my shit just Sucks which is fair but it means i need to stop putting so much Time to it 

but more pressingly my exams start on the 17th anf they dont stop till mid june its the entire fucking A level syll.abus and im gonna be real with ya i was fully planning on game ending by now but! shocker im still kicking and now i have to deal with the Fucking Mess that depressed bitch left me in and i cant study i cant i dont know how to explain it i cant make myself do it !i want to i need to  im trying nobody is fucking Getting It “get motivated” THATS NOT THE FUCKING PROBLEM!!!!!!!!111111 my fucking intestines are trying to eat me too and i Feel that e.d crawling back in and i dont have the !!!!!!!!1fucking time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im gonna peel my skin back im gonna crunch my skull into the fucking pavement AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa’];;[;’.’

and yeah yeah obviously theres the whole Everything You’ve Ever Made Is  Fucking GAAAAAAARBAAAGEEEEEE thing like. yeah yeah i know ok i KNOW im immensely critical thats all my fucking therapist ever tells me and i keeep getting these. fuckign Flashbacks randomly bc this stupid bitch shrink decided to delve into “”””memories”“““““ right before a time im Supposed To Be Functional like! things! are! repressed! for a reason!!!! and i miss my fucking dad but i never liked him when he was alive so! contain multitudes i guess! 

and i cant Make the Stuff im supposed to make and i know some of my friendships r reliant on that but . i cant and theyre gonna burn and i also hate being so sour abt not having my love language reciprocated in the Right way but its the fucking RSD kicking in in high gear babaey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

theres jsut so much Fuckign Cotton in my head i just want to think again but its been like this for at least 9 years now so i dont think i even know what having a clear head is Like i keep fucking up social interactions bc ??? smile?? face make move??? apparently?? and i wanted Time i just want Time i know im smart i know im good at what i do i just need a Clear head and fucking Time but i dont have it i dont HAVE it time isnt fucking Real

[thatpunnyperson]

My feminist 11th grade english teacher once told me "love other women like you love your own sister" when someone made a women in the kitchen joke, and I think I took that advice a little too strongly.

I love my sister and will brag about her to other people shamelessly, and it's reached the point where I've adopted that behavior in regards to women I barely know.

I'll be talking to someone and they'll be talking about their girlfriend--whom I have never even met--and they'll say something like "I spoil her more than she deserves" and I'll throw back "well, she's a goddamn mermaid princess and mermaid princesses are in short supply, especially ones with as good taste in romantic partners as her, so you better watch your goddamn language"

Its like my tendency towards aggressive validation and my habit of word-vomitting compliments have merged into aggressively rewarding people for loving their girlfriends/wives

My poor coworker was like, "if you call her a mermaid, she will love you forever" and I was like, "hell no, that's your job, I'll leave all the love-recieving to you, my dude" but I was so aggressive about it that she was visibly torn between protesting me seemingly refusing to compliment her girlfriend and faux-gloating that she has such an excellent girlfriend

So now, when I think about interacting with other women, I think, "if this person were my sister, how would I treat them and how would I talk about them to other people?" which in turn becomes "how am I going to love them in a language they will understand as sibling love not romantic love, and how will I be able to convey to other people that I appreciate them and am proud of them without the other people assuming I'm being fake-supportive out of jealousy"

Which are apparently things that need defining, because a lot of people still assume that if you're polite and nice, then you want to get with them. No, I'm just polite and nice and want you to know you're appreciated.

I just want to hold my sister/friend/coworker/random lady I met up to the sun and shout, "I appreciate this person! and am proud of all they've achieved in life so far! and I want them to have everything good in the world!"

I want to be able to look the women in my life in the eye and tell them, "you contain multitudes and I am so proud of you for who you are and who you've become in life, despite the world and because of the world" and have them know I genuinely mean it and genuinely wish the best for them

Like, there's a client at work who brought her cat in months ago and I spent a long time checking in on her and talking to her and just keeping her company as she was spiralling in an anxiety attack as the vets and technicians looked at her cat. And she thanked me several times for helping her through the panic and uncertainty. And I looked her in the eye as she was leaving and was like, "I am also a cat person, and I just lost my own two cats. It's clear that you love your cat very much and I know that when I brought my cats in, I needed someone to talk to so I didnt go stir crazy waiting for the vets to get back to me. And I work here so I have the capability to go bother the vets. The least I can do is go bother the vets on your behalf lol"

And that changed the game for both of us. She realized that the hospital is full of people who have been in the position she was in at that moment, and that a lot of us were fully prepared to drop whatever we were doing to keep her company. I dont know this lady beyond the interactions at the vet, but if she came in and told me she was being menaced by someone or something, I would grab a large stick and go beat it to death for even daring to look at her funny.

Another client brought in their dog two weeks ago and the dog needed emergency surgery in the middle of the night, and she called in about once an hour before I clocked out just to get an update on how the dog was doing. The techs and vets were irritated because they're supposed to give the updates, so I eventually just started taking her calls and talking to her because all she really wanted to know was that he was being looked after and reminded that he was loved and cared for. And that was the literal easiest thing to do. I would literally pick up the phone, hear it was her, put her on hold, and go visit her dog to tell him she called and said she loved him so I could give her an update on how he was doing.

And she cried in gratitude at every call. At one point, I was like, "yeah, he looked sad in the kennel, so I took him out and tethered him to the middle table in the treatment area so everyone has to say hi to him when they want to do anything," and she started crying and was like, "thank you so much, he's never been in a kennel before and is used to cuddling with us on the couch and in bed, he needs the love and attention or he'll get so sad."

Literally the easiest thing is to just be a human being and think, "if I were in this situation, or if someone I loved was in this situation, what would I want to happen" and then I do it. Lady is worried about her pet? Give her my honest, genuine, non-medical opinion and assure her that I will personally smooch the pet so they know someone loves them.

Everyone wants love, and everyone wants to love. Most importantly, everyone wants to know that the things they love in their life are also loved by other people. They want to know that it is correct to love those things, to have their love validated.

And when it comes to validation, I am so aggressively validating that I will literally fight people if they dont think they're deserving of the love then get. I have literally scolded someone for insinuating they weren't deserving of love.

Anyway, moral of the story:

TL;DR

Love the women in your life, even if you don't know them personally. Let them know that you appreciate them and have made the conscious decision to appreciate them. Let them know that the deserve all the love in the world, and that you will try your damndest to make sure they get it.

It seems like a lot but it's really very easy.

[amazingmichelleman]

Tell me your opinions on BatB 2017 (it's one of those things where left to myself I'll dislike it, but I am capable of flipping a mental switch and appreciating a bunch of things about it. ("Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes."))

i know its been like 15 years since you sent this but here we go. I liked the beauty and the beast live action movie for three main reasons. 1.) more detailed individual character growth 2.) good updates to the music 3.) gastoni mean, everything that people complain about is totally right, theres a lot of wonky stuff in the movie but idk i still just think its funand as a note before i start getting into it, i realized one big thing i liked when i watched linsay ellis’s video on youtube when she complained bc there wasnt very much romance but THATS WHY I LIKED IT LOL. the movie is more concerned with belle’s and beast’s individual character growth than their romance AND TBH if this movie had gone the way of maleficent and purposely shunned romantic love for the power of platonic love honestly that would have been a MUCH stronger plot line. beast and belle had real bff vibes. ah what could have been...

ok so 1.) character plots. this was a very 50/50 split bc gaston and beast got well developed arcs, belle only got like half way through hers before it was dropped, and the servants was like.....you didnt even try did u.gaston ill get to later, but the beast i loved cause he had more lines where he was just being chill and not sad or angry, unlike in the original. his story was very much about unlearning toxic masculinity and stopping the cycle of abuse from his dad, and i thought that was way cooler than the “changed by belle’s love” trope. they seemed a lot more like friends and shared common interests in books. and like. when beast scoffs at belle cause she likes a “girly” book like romeo and juliet but then she catches him reading it and enjoying it later? thats good stuff man. thats gooood stuff. 

and just like. the song where hes singing to his mom “not until my whole life is done will i ever leave you.....” AND THEN HIS MOM DIES AND HIS DAD LEADS HIM AWAY reblog uf u crie evry tiem.... and then when they go thru the book thing and he’s like Oh Paris I Love Paris What Shall We See First!!! an absolute cutieBelle’s story really started going somewhere and im mad that it just ended like “figured out my origin story so guess im cool now” like no. they had a really good line in the song that went “i was innocent and certain, now im wiser but unsure” and then that’s never resolved! like belle has always been such a cool character who didnt let beast walk all over her and when he finally figured out her boundaries, thats when they could start to communicate like hello?? awesome woman alert and you just let that drop?? and everyone says that belle’s backstory abt her mom wasnt needed and theyre probs right but the scene where beast is like Paris?! meanwhile belle brooding in the background. good stuff. belle’s song, the plague doctor, her dad being forced to leave his wife behind.........................good food man good foodand the servants everyone has talked abt. the whole “it was our fault the beast was abused” nonsense, plus in general their line abt “whats a servant without serving”, and that evil village lady reuniting with cogsworth and its played off as a joke, like why do you gotta do these good men and woman dirty like that2.) music?? good!!!! good music. days in the sun? good. gaston song?? good!! kill the beast!!! so good. it was all good.3.) Gaston!!!!!!!!!! a problematic fave wow!!! i think what really makes him good is the actor choice. i generally dont care abt actors so i dont know anything abt the man, but he seems like a good guy ya know. if the actor was sketch playing a bad character id be like ew but cause the actor seems nice and hes playing a bad character im like whoohoo!! is that weird? idk whateverGaston’s descend into evilness is like. the character arc of the decade my man. the way you expect him to do his douchey thing in the beginning like in the original, but he’s actually not that bad, and u know he DOES have a point abt spinsters not able to thrive in this time period, like guilt tripping not cool, but he didnt say “women shouldnt read!!” so thats a step upand he like. genuinely wanted to win her over by helping her dad. like he really tried but belle’s dad really pushed all his villain buttons man! so he did a bad thing like not cool dude. and then!!!! then he’s got to stick with it and defend himself against the townspeople. they’re not madly in love with him so he’s got to MAKE them that way. the way he turns around that conversation was SO good and roping lefou in against his will and jumping on the kill the beast thing to save his own skin. and from there he’s just gotta keep going!! he’s gotta hunt down the beast not just for belle but for himself and his standing in the village. like i just thought that whole spiral was done SOOO well. best part of the movie tbh. and even tho lefou’s sexuality was problematic, it really added to his and gaston’s arcs of one person becoming evil and their close friend jumping ship on the situation bc they know that their loved one is wrong.so like. yeah. live action beauty and the beast, man.

[el-im]

Hey babe

Ik that I really ljke..dont say this enough but I love you so much and you just have this DEPTH and this whole world inside of you like..a totally new outlook and like..this wisdom that’s so fucking rare in people so young sorry I dont reblog your writing I should do that more often but like.. everything you write and just the sometimes the stuff you even reblog makes my chest ache and I’m just really glad to know you, even just through a computer. You know that quote that people contain multitudes ?? Yeah that’s you but you contain a whole landscape of love and wonder and I KNOW that you feel lonely at times like. I know and maybe even shame but .. sometimes I like to think of you in 15 years. Teaching art at some small college and writing prose and just.. being a literal interpretation of the secret history. being content in who you are and whatever you do. Anyways its past midnight and I’m definitely NOT having a breakdown so enjoy this babe I love you DEEPLY

[sorcieresque]

clea and daisy and trying to build a friendship out of thin air when you’re either fake or a mess at social interactions while also being high as fuck: The Convo

(please do yourself a favor and install x-kit’s read-more now bc daisy’s theme is unreadable)

Today at 12:45 AM

sorcieresque Do I remind you of your Mother.

bythepowerof4 absolutely ot also this is a little silly daaisy *not

bythepowerof4 haha are you gonna send this to everyone :p

sorcieresque No, I'm asking you. Specifically.

bythepowerof4 ok thats a little weird then but ok

bythepowerof4 no you do not!! my mother is nice and not magical yeah whhat data are u hoping to gather here exactly??

sorcieresque Scientific data. Specifically.

bythepowerof4 lmao sure hit me with ur hypothesis miss daisy also i know i contain multitudes or whatever but 1 is a pisspoor sample size haha

sorcieresque How dare you question my methods.

bythepowerof4 i am taking one whole chemistry class this year how dare you how dare me!!!

sorcieresque How dare you d are me dare you to answer my question.

bythepowerof4 im too tired to tack another how dare on there just imgine i did ok fill in the blanks How are u holding up lmaoo. see ur maneater hobby is going well right now

bythepowerof4 ok wow daisy youre beinng linda gross :// Kinda

sorcieresque It's a joke Humor! Specifically.

bythepowerof4 hahahahaha youre so funny!!!

sorcieresque Thank you, Clea Spacebabe, Specifically

bythepowerof4 dont do that :/

sorcieresque Do what

bythepowerof4 be MEAN and weird for no reason and not even be that good at it its stupidd

sorcieresque He started it by babbling like a toddler about having my meanness all figured out, and besides, he pulled the same move on Tyler the other week God, Clea, it's almost like you're getting soft

bythepowerof4 god daisy its almost like i always was :p

sorcieresque For Men? Specifically? I may have misunderstood something

sorcieresque Grieviously so

bythepowerof4 fuck off oh my god i dont care about him bc hes gross but now YOUREbeing gross so what am i meant to do with that huh huh

sorcieresque I have found through my scientific endeavors that people in this school do not know how to take an vulgar joke We're teenagers for god's sake Get real

bythepowerof4 xactly if they dont know how to take it as a joke that makes it sad and mean like how youre always sad and mean to moire and its not gonna come off like a joke when you keep beating each other hp its gonna come off weird and creepy which it did but if you wanna be weird and creepy cb ur a teenager fine i guess??

sorcieresque That's judgmental of you

bythepowerof4 thats judgmental of you to call me judgmental

bythepowerof4 sorry i dont like, get the appeal of ur hobbies

sorcieresque Taylor and I are not sad and Mean to each other, I'll have you know I got her a twenty thousand dolalr Book that she hates and either way What Tyler and I get up to is not your space babe business So forgive me If I infer that you amy perhaps be Jealous

bythepowerof4 why?? would u infer that???? if youre friends thats good i want you to have lots of friends?????

sorcieresque You seem, as the kids say, Salty

bythepowerof4 daisy no offence but im not very jealous ofthe girl who you punch in the face sometimes and try to humiliate online

sorcieresque Oh Do you actually mean it then That you think I am weird and creepy?

bythepowerof4 hhhhhhhh no

sorcieresque You said it

bythepowerof4 i think youre BEING weird and creepy :(

sorcieresque Do not make me pull reciepts

bythepowerof4 do not make me crytype at u ill do it!! im sorry youre not creepy except for when you try to be you know cause u do that

sorcieresque I wasn't trying to be this time, I was making humorosu statements about People's mother complexes Taylor walked straight into that One Tyler*

sorcieresque [[ actually lets retcon that correction taylor is way funnier

bythepowerof4 i think talking about pples mothers complexes in a weird sexy way is automatically creepy tho

sorcieresque Hence, the humor Whatever, ET You don't get it

bythepowerof4 no i dont glad we cleared that up

bythepowerof4 that sounded rude igore that

sorcieresque Can't and shan't

bythepowerof4 boo

bythepowerof4 i already said sorry right cause i thoght i did but u havent said anything so maybe i made that up

sorcieresque Yes but you're just sorry you have hurt my delicate sensibilities,  not that you think I'm weird That's un-takeback-able Grievously so

bythepowerof4 Being Weird thats a different thing???

bythepowerof4 i mean sure naybe i am a little jealous bc apparently beating u up is takebackable but saying one wrong thing isnt that seems about right huh u dont even care abut my delicate sensibilities daisy u dont get to be picky about this when im sorry which i very totally sm ):

sorcieresque I like when Tyler beats me up Wording Terrible wording

sorcieresque I encourage Tyler to beat me up for I do the same to her and so we are Even When have I ever not cared about your delicate sensibilities except for the thievery, the unkindness, the coy filirting and hot and coldness, the attempt to use you as a hitman, and the backahanded mockery of your interest

bythepowerof4 thats not funny :/

sorcieresque Of which I do not longer have done to you I'm a different person now than I was a month aho

sorcieresque None of the things I type are coming out the way I want them to sound which would fundamentally reapir the fragile emergence of our tentaitvie friendship

bythepowerof4 i mean accetping my apology might have worked Or giving, one, but u know go with ur gut be ur authentic self or whatever

sorcieresque Now who's being mean

bythepowerof4 nlehhhhhhh. Fine. its me i mean no bc im trying to be nice but ur not letting me !!

sorcieresque How so

bythepowerof4 like i said sorry and you said you didnt believe me thats not fair bc it was true?? and then ur talking about our budding friendship like you actually care abt it and IM the bad guy ):

sorcieresque Making friends is so hard

bythepowerof4 Nnot normally sometimes

sorcieresque I know I'm abnormal

sorcieresque It's generally frowned upont to point it out I had hoped You specifically

bythepowerof4 thats not what i meant dont do that ):

sorcieresque Wouldn't find it offputtin

bythepowerof4 ???? wouldnt find what offputtin

sorcieresque My glaring abnormality I'm too high for this

bythepowerof4 im not a jerk why do u think im a jerk and if u WERNT high ud be too sober for this and not talk about anything duh

bythepowerof4 i, am an open book, always

sorcieresque Oh are you Spacebabe then why won't you answer my question about yout Momther

bythepowerof4 "no you do not!! my mother is not magical yeah"

bythepowerof4 i didnt realise you wanted an essay lmoa

sorcieresque It was a scheme! A sly plan! To get to know you! You fool! You moron!

bythepowerof4 oh

bythepowerof4 i dont always get that stuff im sorry also i was told several times that you never try to get to know people and its all on me all the time and i was dumb and believed that so uh. Didnt occur to me igues

sorcieresque Well that's true but I am trying new things New school new me

sorcieresque Why are you out there

bythepowerof4 i like the view. scary forest full of things that would kill me, very comforting

sorcieresque It's only scary if you let them scare you Give me a moment

sorcieresque [Maybe five minutes later Daisy gets up with far more difficulty than she would otherwise, and stumbles out onto the porch. She hears rather than sees Clea crying, and she isn't sure what pushes her to do it, but instead of continuing the argument in person she simply lies her head on Clea's lap and continues blogging on her phone.]

bythepowerof4 [daisy's head on their lap prompts a fresh ugly sob, and they try to wipe away the snot before it drips onto her hair. gross. they let her blog in peace for a while, feeling even more like the bad guy - maybe five more minutes, till they can't help but ask.] is nick mad at me too??

sorcieresque [Daisy shrugs widely, her words low and dragged out.] Maybe. I'll ask him not to be, [she says, as if that would solve everything and who knows: Maybe it would. They work in mysterious ways.] Do not call me weird again.

bythepowerof4 [they squint down at her, sniffling in a way they hope isn't too pathetic. they feel like she's closed off again, but take it as a peace offering.] thanks. i won't.

bythepowerof4 [they can't come up with a counter demand; the conversation must have been pretty one sided. they settle for leaning back on their arms, sobs dried up.]

[bythepowerof4]

clea and nick and a very confusing two day argument @nickatnightwalker

[during daisy’s 420 dash shenanigans]

bythepowerof4nnnno dont encourage her this is bad

nickatnightwalkerim encouraging her to be distracted byh being queen of something clea

bythepowerof4noooooo i dont think its gonna work like that shell just try harder

or maybe not i dontt fucking know i dont know anything

nickatnightwalkersame my guy but it was a chance i was willing to take on behalf of all of us

bythepowerof4ok sure great fingers crossed whatEVER

we are all sooo super grateful

nickatnightwalkeroh this is worse

bythepowerof4that wasnnt even a goov fucking burn

bythepowerof4that was so LAME and she thinks she s so SMART and i hate her

and i dont wanna talk about it actually how are you

nickatnightwalkeri am

dying

bythepowerof4Great

nickatnightwalkeri would have gray hair by now if it were possible for me to have melanin

bythepowerof4youre not helping though!!!!! uoure engaging!!!!!

noo ok not my business

this is meant to be chill i want to be chill

nickatnightwalkerjus wait till the bowl goes around again

nickatnightwalkeri was trying to distract her you kmnow thats the only way to stop the daisymobile

bythepowerof4thats not fair you know thats not fair

nickatnightwalkerwhat waiting for the bowl or the daisymobile

bythepowerof4Both duh

nickatnightwalkeryes i know, and, also unfair that this is happening on 420 day or our lord and savior snoop

bythepowerof4its not fair that we have to deal with this whether it happens or not wee could just like walk away from the weird passive aggressive blogging ccrcle right now if we so chose

yeah????

because this isnt FUN nickolas it is not

nickatnightwalkeri personally am having a loads of fun messing with ines

you have to dea l with everything when it happens so this is just a thign

bythepowerof4oh cool great youre just as bad fantastic news

nickatnightwalkerok i did no t and have not publicly read anybody out yet to date

i only do that privatley and only when it suits me

bythepowerof4:/

://////

bythepowerof4look at u ur being a dick right niw!!!!

nickatnightwalkeroh what to ines

im screwing with her

shes trying to fight me

bythepowerof4because this is soo the best way to deal with that sort of situation

nickatnightwalkerits just funny idk why shes getting all snaked out of shape

bythepowerof4"hot" you dick????

Youre both being gross now stop it!!!

nickatnightwalkera joke

a JOKE

shes a lesiabn

also just like

no

bythepowerof4its not FUNNY nick

neither of you are funny its weird and annoying and embarrassing

nickatnightwalkershe wants ot punch me bc i sias d bite me

i dondt really feel like imobligagated to take her seriously anymore

besides shes a shit so no t only is it funny to watch her blow a gasket over the same google image snatched pic i also like pissing her off

bythepowerof4u arent obligated to fight w her either but ur doing that,, a lot

idk

Im not making sense

nickatnightwalkerthis is brely a fight

[nothing until nick sends the photo]

bythepowerof4im not mad at you and im not mad at her so can you not tag team revenge for once in your fucking life

we're having an almost genuine conversation for once without you interjecting to make fun of me and pretend play matchmaker for shits and giggles so can you please, please cut it out

nickatnightwalkerim not making fun of you

nickatnightwalkerif i was making fun of you itd be a lot meaner

you should be flattered i even considereed encourragign you to go for daisy

[next day]

bythepowerof4hey!! how are you feeling haha, is ur hair still going grey

bythepowerof4im not trying to act like nothing is bad btw i just wanted to start it off nice sorry :/

nickatnightwalkermy hair's moved past being gray and now it's black, so im inadvertently copying misha again

bythepowerof4lmao this is some goth power play shit love it

nickatnightwalkerwhite haired twink is out 2008 gerard way is in

bythepowerof4as it should be!! do you need eyeliner like i don't have any but it would really make the Look

nickatnightwalkerwhy would i need that when i have dry erase markers to just apply liberally to my face

bythepowerof4so resourceful?? pinterest diy that shit

bythepowerof4we can raid the art rooms, get some glue while we're at it and cut a big chunk out of your hair gel budget

nickatnightwalkerdanger with that is potentially overgluing and making it fragile and breakable like glass

bythepowerof4glass bones and paper skin and glass hair also. got it

i mean youre pretty protective of it already i doubt anyone would notice the difference!!

nickatnightwalkerevery morning i break my legs getting out of bed

bythepowerof4do your heart attacks put you to sleep bc i know that feeling

nickatnightwalkeryeah thats why i sleep like four separate times a day

bythepowerof4and i thought that was just a #relateableteen thing

bythepowerof4so not to be weird but is this like. Chilly lackluster banter or are you actually not mad at me

nickatnightwalkerno im pissed

bythepowerof4ok

can i ask why

nickatnightwalkeri mean well first ya came at me for fucking with you which

like i said

i do but it's obvious

then you were a shit to daisy

so

thats that

bythepowerof4iiii mean. you said you wouldnt do that anymore. and then you did. i was just upset

and im sorry about daisy, i told her that too

bythepowerof4like really sorry!!

i just think its weird that someone can say, threaten to kill her and call her a bitch all the time

and youll date him

but i cant get a little upset when we're all high and im having a super stressful few days!!

nickatnightwalkerdo what anymore

bythepowerof4fuck with me

about her

nickatnightwalkerim not

i havent been

bythepowerof4you did though

bythepowerof4like what else was that picture

nickatnightwalkeryou said she was weird and creepy and i sent a picture of her being cute and sweet

bythepowerof4i said she was ACTING weird and creepy which objectively is an accurate description for someone talking about throbbing tentacle dicks and using the word "quivering" in relation to the nether regions of the girl they beat up for fun

but like, what do i know

i dont think shes weird and creepy and thats not what that photo was about im not an idiot

nickatnightwalkerlisten i frankly think everyone needs to reserve their judgment on the moire and daisy situation because it's clearly very complex and beyond the comprehension of mortal men and none of our fucking business to judge one way or another and, yknow, imho, moire has gills and misha smells like magic and youre 4d so maybe also reserve your fucking judgment on who's weird around here anyway

bythepowerof4i know thats why i apologized

nickatnightwalkershe can say shit like that and still be cute and sweet

bythepowerof4but like i said, high and upset and still getting used to this, so u can forgive me for one slip up surely

nickatnightwalkershe contains motherfucking multitudes

bythepowerof4thats not what you were saying though!! you didnt say that

you sent me a picture trying to make me jealous or something, just like she was saying, because obviously i cant have a private conversation with either one of you

nickatnightwalkerif youre jealous thats your problem

bythepowerof4im NOT

you both keep acting like i am thats not fair!!!

nickatnightwalkeri wasnt youre the one who's fixated on it

dont believe i ever said the j word

bythepowerof4i didnt either!! she did!!!

im not fixated on anything i just want to be able to talk to you without you making it about her all the time

nickatnightwalkerweve occasionally talked about more than daisy im p sure

bythepowerof4:/ you know what i meant

nickatnightwalkerwell this IS about her whether you think im continually screwing with you in some single minded attempt to torment you or not

and im not a fan of someone who says theyre her friend telling her shit like that

bythepowerof4i said SORRY it happens ok!!! i feel really awful about it why do you think i was so upset yesterday?

nickatnightwalkeri dont know dude i was baked

bythepowerof4i didnt know that specific thing upset her so much bc no one gave me a rule book for this shit and im never gonna do it again

nickatnightwalkerok cool

im also deciding rightnow this second i dont care if you believe why i sent the picture or not because youre so dead set on me trying to fuck with you ill never change your mind

and for the record

damians never called her a bitch again

nickatnightwalkerand if he tried to kill her, id be more concerned about scraping enough of him up off the sidewalk to fill a bucket

bythepowerof4youre not even gonna try to understand why i might think that

like i could tell you if u gave enough of a shit to listen yeah

nickatnightwalkeris poor self esteem and daisys difficulty with dropping her persona not the right answer

bythepowerof4not quite but thhanks

for that

nickatnightwalkerthats usually what it is

bythepowerof4ok just. Listen for a sec without jumping in to insult me yeah

bythepowerof4the two of you like, obviously tell each other everything. like u straight up reference shit shes obviously told u n vice versa

and that makes it weird cause it feels like im never talking to just you and thats why its weird when u bring her up bc its like, why wouldnt u just tell her whatever i say!!!

bythepowerof4and u keep saying i have a shot w her and telling me how to impress her when i just wanted to brag about winning chicken it didnt have to be a THING u know???

bythepowerof4but like!!! if ur saying that then she knows and it makes it weird!!! like you do that even when you said youd stop and then she accuses me of being jealous of moire and then you immediately send that picture and u can see how i might think it was a fucking team effort

yeah?????

bythepowerof4its weird and intimidating and im not even friends with her i was obviously fooling myself about that but i thought i was friends with you

like not youtwo as a unit or whatever fake setting me up

ok im done but that was stupid so whatever

nickatnightwalkerwell like 1. i dont tell her everything

i know hard concept but just because we talk about a lot of shit which is, yknow, what one does with friends, it doesnt mean we talk about everything

nickatnightwalkerfor instance: didnt know she said you were jealous of moire

bythepowerof4ok

bythepowerof4i believe you im obviously not that big a deal for u guys to bother talking abt me fine

but u can at least see how i might think that given ur whole thing is acting like ur joined at the hip and ganging up on ppl

u know

nickatnightwalkerwait do you want us to talk about you or not clea

nickatnightwalkershe was upset so she told me, i was pissed so i gave you photographic evidence

of the contrary imean

if i know everything about her then when i say youve got a shot i really think im in the best position to be calling that

bythepowerof4thats the problem!! Bc i clearly dont have a shot we dont even talk that much bc i dont even know how to talk to her and that makes it seem like ur pulling it out of ur ass!

nickatnightwalkereither i know everything about her or i dont make up your mind truong

bythepowerof4youre missing the point ok

nickatnightwalkerif the point isnt me giving you the run around to fuck with you not sure what the point is then

bythepowerof4oh my god

nickatnightwalkeris that not literally what you just said

bythepowerof4that is youre just getting bogged down in dumb shit im saying!!

nickatnightwalkeror dyou have your planes in a knot over us telling each other things like, information, like, sharing information about our lives

bythepowerof4stop that i dont give a shit about how the two of you act i just want you to get that its scary!! and it makes it hard for me and you expect me to be so good at this that the second i fuck up youre coming at methis hard

nickatnightwalkerof course i am shes my best friend and youre her friend so it's way worse than some rando ragging on her

bythepowerof4youre MY friend youre like my best friend here because im a fucking mess and youre getting personal about this and its upsetting me it doesnt have to be this intense???

nickatnightwalkerhurting daisy is always gonna be personal clea

nickatnightwalkerand i get you apologized and thats cool and that could be that but to the best of my fucking understanding im not giving you false hope and tbqh honestly, to be honest, actually, youre a decent fucking person and i have a strong preference that daisy go on coffee dates with someone whos not gonna knock her teeth out of her fucking head

bythepowerof4youre that invested and youve never said a single thing to her about it??

do you see how i might come to doubt that

nickatnightwalkeryeah and what the fuck would i say sorry but your weird hate crush kinda gives me the heebs have you ever considered not acting on that and trying to be relatively normal and healthy instead

bythepowerof4so what i have to do everything

nickatnightwalkeridk if youve noticed this but she doesnt really know what shes doing a lot of the time when shes talking to people so you know how i was talking about effort:: reward? thats where that comes in

bythepowerof4thats not fair

you could have just told her that thing you just said instead of pinning the work on other people without even telling them

nickatnightwalkergenerally speaking i try not to reveal daisys weaknesses to new acquaintances

bythepowerof4thats still not fair

do u even like me or are you seriously just trying to set her up with the least murderous person here

nickatnightwalkerif i didnt like you i wouldnt care if you were the least murderous person here

besides i dont get how you think us talking to each other is weird but you expect me to run interference in every single one of her friendships like, hey, just a heads up, shes got trouble finding the off button on the snarky attitude

like hell wingmanning you is pretty much the limit of what i can justify

bythepowerof4i dont expect you to do anything ive told you plenty of times that that shouldnt be your job

youre the one whos apparently been trying to invent a friendship where there isnt one?? forgive me for feeling kind of skeeved

nickatnightwalkeri was under the impression that you WERE friends

not sure when you stopped being friends actually

i KNOW shes doing her best to be less

bad

around you

bythepowerof4:/

nickatnightwalkerwhat

bythepowerof4i didnt wanna say "relationship" tbh bc there definitely isnt one of those

nickatnightwalkeroh haha relatable but look

i saw something good happening there with regards to daisy makin a human connection and i was trying my motherfucking utmost to encourage it

bythepowerof4ok but. its not a genuine human connection if youre there right

thats not very organic its just uncomfortable and confusing

i appreciate your help i guess but it was clearly more for her benefit than mine and that doesnt feel great?

nickatnightwalkerim not like lurking behind coffee machines im not actually THERE

and of course it's more for her benefit i didnt even know you

bythepowerof4i mean the second it went south you were, there, actually,

oh wow

thanks

nickatnightwalkerman youre not gonna pick me over like, your brother or something i dont see how this is shocking

besides

daisys

a good person to be friends with

bythepowerof4i mean sure but im still a bit caught up in you picking me out of a lineup like oh theyll do!!

nickatnightwalkerwhat line up

she likes you

bythepowerof4ok this part for once is not about her

well a little bit but listen

i thought we were friends because you thought i was nice and wanted to be

aka nothing to do with daisy

nickatnightwalkerwell like

yeah

that kinda helped your case though i guess

bythepowerof4no im sorry but that makes it weird

bythepowerof4that you befriended me for her sake and the second i pissed her off you trashed me for it like all im good for is bringing out the good in her

thats stupid??

nickatnightwalkeroh my god you have terrible reading comprehension

step 1.  we got to be friends

bythepowerof4ok we're back at insilts great!!!

nickatnightwalkershhh just shhh for like a second im breaking itdown alright

step 1. we got to be friends

step 2. you and daisy are also sort of friendsish

step 3. i encourage this shit because shes trying and youre pretty alright

step 4.  youre yelling at me for leading you on and befriending you to like lure you to daisy or some shit because i apparently just psychically knew you were ok

dont remember if we started talking because you were already talking to daisy so i figure that says something

bythepowerof4thats not what you just said but fine

bythepowerof4if im so wrong about all of this then im sorry for misunderstanding

nickatnightwalkerno it is what i just said

being friends with me first helped your case re me backing you up since i knew you werent a dick

bythepowerof4fine!!! ok i get it i just apologized

i cant help not getting stuff sometimes i figure u would get that being friends with daisy and all

but youre just saying all thise mean shit to upset me and not even feeling bad about it apparently

nickatnightwalkerlisten i really hand to god dont know what things youre talking about right now

doing it for daisy over you?  like

i knew you enough to know youre alright but daisy is daisy

bythepowerof4ok well yesterday, for one, with the "you should be flattered" bullshit

bythepowerof4and u were fucked so i would forgive that in a second if u bothered apologizing

or maybe the picture, which like, whatever your intentions were clearly was pretty hurtful

or anything about low self esteem, treating me like a melodramatic idiot,

any of that rally

nickatnightwalkerim gonna address these in order

bythepowerof4unless ur adress contains a sorry i dont care

ive heard ur excuses and thats great but thats not how this works

nickatnightwalkerlike

nickatnightwalkerugh jesus cut me some slack im not exactly a social guru here either im sorry about the low self esteem comment that was genuinely not meant to be douchy and neither was the picture even though i sent it because i was pissed

that was more of a look youre wrong kinda thing but i get how with daisy saying you were jealous that looks way harsher than i thought it was so im sorry about that

bythepowerof4even in context of like, just our previous convos i think that seems pretty harsh but yeah

thanks

i appreciate it for real

nickatnightwalkerand like i cant in good faith apologize for the you should be flattered shit because regardless of the situation daisy is daisy and in the interest of transparency im never gonna think anyones good enough for her but like i said she was willing to make an effort for you and i knew you were ok so

bythepowerof4oh my god

nickatnightwalkerwhat i honestly dont get why youre so shocked i prioritize daisy

bythepowerof4im not but you dont,, need to, for one

u know you didnt eed to compare us at all

and no offence but if youre trying to convince me you like me as a person and not just bc im convenient

saying "youre ok" as often as possible is NOT reassuring

nickatnightwalkeroh what

well first obviously i had to since you were getting kinda messed up over me doing thing for her not you and second of all i dont mean Ah Yes, You'll Do..... i mean youre ok

like

bythepowerof4that hadnt happened yet u just brought it up out of nowhere

nickatnightwalkernot bad

bythepowerof4it was douchey

nickatnightwalkerno you

you said it

like

ill scroll back if i have to but you said me doing it all for her felt bad

bythepowerof4yeah and it does fyi but u pulled that "you dont deserve her" crap last fucking night

if youre gonna continue a fight u started high at least read the backlogs dude

its clearly on ur mind if u brought it ip for no reason

nickatnightwalkerit wasnt for no reason it was because she was upset you called her weird and crazy

i didnt pull this shit from the void

bythepowerof4" you were getting kinda messed up over me doing thing for her not you" this hadnt happened yet thats all im saying

u cant even keep your excuses straight

i didnt compare us and you decided to and that understandably made me feel like shit

nickatnightwalkerwell goddamn you pulled the receipts it's certainly not like i couldnt have misunderstood what particular thing you were referring to

bythepowerof4i only did that bc u tried to make it about something else!! i get why u were mad at me but youre trying to make me look dumb its not fair!!

nickatnightwalkerim not trying to make you look like anything believe it or not

sometimes i too am capable of misunderstandings

bythepowerof4then why dont you ever say sorry for them

ive messed up like a dozen times in this convo alone and i said "sorry i misunderstood" ur just

id unno its going in circles and its dumb bc i just want you to not be mad at me

nickatnightwalkerbecause im too busy trying to tell you im not framing you to look like a tool

bythepowerof4and i said i believed you

but youre acting like im an idiot for thinking it at all

nickatnightwalkerdude im not

like i dont know what im doing thats making you think that but im sorry?

bythepowerof4i told you!! over and over!! and you kept making it into something else!!

literally read what u just said and tell me it wouldnt make u feel like an idiot

nickatnightwalkerwhatever sorry i compared you and said you should be flattered

bythepowerof4whatever

sorry agan for being a dick to you last night, bc i admit i was, and to daisy but ill take that one to her bc its like, Our Business

whatevers dont count and im tired so, till next time i guess

nickatnightwalker i said it after you upset her but before you apologized and pretty much would feel that way if donald glover himself came to her door

[rainbowderpturtle]

ive had a successful poop and now im back for round 2

i looked at the actual post part of that mcelroy post again and that “ppl say it helped w/ their depression so if u talk shit ill never forgive u” just really jfdkhgfkj hit me right in my memory centers and i was teleported thru time back to late june 2015 when markiplier made that 8 million subscriber milestone video??

where he was watching a fan-made thank you video that over a thousand fans appeared in. and he just like started sobbing his eyes out so hard he couldnt breathe, and he admitted he gets emails and pms and comments every single day from kids telling him that they were considering suicide, but the fact that his videos made them smile and that he says all the time that he loves and cares about every single fan was what inspired them to keep going and seek help and find something to live for.

and he gets emails all the time from parents of kids with cancer, saying their kids relate to mark because he’s had tumors removed and his dad died of cancer, and his videos made them laugh for the first time in months while they were going through awful painful treatments. or his videos made their last few days happier and full of laughter. or that they beat cancer or some other terrible illness, and mark showing off his surgery scars and saying “scars just mean you survived, they’re medals of honor proving you were tougher than whatever tried to hurt you” helped them feel less ashamed of their own scars or disabilities.

anyway. idk what kind of point im trying to make here ?? i dont think i really have a point, just observations. ive seen a lot of ppl who everything they know about mark they learned secondhand from The Pewdiepie Debacle and they slap a Problematic sticker on him and consider it job done. and its like, yeah, i also think mark could have handled that better, and probably should have, but uhhhh all things are inherently complex and contain multitudes, so like dont be surprised when truly good and innocent kids have solid reasons for loving and feeling dedicated to mark, and they say having to see ppl calling him “worthless trash” every day really hurts them and negatively affects their mental health fjkdhjkdh

like.....i hate that im thinking about this again bc i was Done hearing about pewdiepie like three years ago, and i just cant bring myself to care, but the thing is mark never really Defended anything stupid pewdiepie ever did. he was just kind of saying hey, this is my close personal friend and i know he makes mistakes but i believe he is trying his best, so maybe dont send him death threats and be terribly disrespectful of him in front of us or our fans, because that’s only going to create more unnecessary animosity between us all when it’s clear everyone involved is only trying to make the world a better place?

i still 100% dont believe that was The Best Time For That, and yea maybe he was being insensitive for speaking out against hurt fans instead of his friend, but like. his position......is entirely understandable. i dont believe the punishment for just plain old offensive stuff should ever be death threats... public humiliation, perhaps, if they try making excuses, and maybe pewpewboy earned a taste of his own medicine w/ the exact nature of the garbage he done did.

but i don’t believe the punishment for thinking death threats are never acceptable under any circumstances should be harassment? and i don’t believe the punishment for being the girlfriend of the person who did the dumb shit should be harassment? and i don’t believe the punishment for being the friend of the person doing dumb shit and refusing to cut all ties with them should be harassment? and i don’t believe the punishment for saying hey, i care about this person, and i wont stand for several thousand people wishing death upon them, should be harassment??? and i don’t believe the punishment for saying this person really helped me out and means a lot to me so i’m going to give them a second chance and have a little more empathy when they make mistakes should be harassment ?????????

obviously there are ppl who are gonna be like “fucc yea!!! nazis!!!!” in response, n thats Garbage, but i think those ppl will always be around and sucking up any reason to feel justified, like old ppl in the grocery store ranting about how technology will be the downfall of mankind bc the power went out and now they gotta wait 10 minutes for the register to reboot so they can buy their prune juice

anyway All Things Are Inherently Complex There Are No “Sides” Communities Are Made Of Individuals And Everyone And Everything Has Both Good And Bad Inside Them Simultaneously now im gonna go eat some cereal