#and yes i did have to stop myself from adding the phrase

[whatafuckinnerd]

I find it unfathomable and astounding that Tumblr isn't more obsessed with Sam Reich. You're telling me there exists out there a man who was born into the aristocracy of our country—with every privilege of modern society at his fingertips—who didn't complete high school (due to his mental health) and instead chose to devote his life to making strangers laugh and raising awareness on mental health. A full-bearded short king who is so committed to being the change he wants to see in the world that he decided to take the company he worked for into his own hands so that he could make sure all the people who worked under him could keep their livelihoods.

How many other CEOs are out here being as honest and transparent with their target audience/market as Sam Reich is? How many of them acknowledge when they fumble and continuously strive to be better than they were? How many of them actually seem like they respect their talent, both in the cast and crew? Sam Reich is the standard we should be holding other CEOs to.

But forget about all that (I could talk for a long time about the respect I have for Sam Reich)—ignore just how respectable he is as a businessman and a person. Ignore all the wholesome reasons for obsessing over Sam Dalton Reich.

The man is a stone-cold fox.

He's a little chaos gremlin and an absolute evil mastermind all rolled into one classy suit and well-groomed beard. Whenever Sam is on the set, you can guarantee he is going to make you crack a smile. And for someone with such natural authority, he's never afraid to be the butt of a joke and show himself being embarrassed. Go ahead, watch any clip of him trying to improvise in No Laugh Newsroom and just try to resist that blush.

You're sleeping on a goldmine of a man, here, damnit! And I will NOT let this go ignored any longer!

[churipu]

hihi i love ur works sm and i was wondering if i can request where the reader has an argument w the jjk men?? preferably w nanamin + any other characters :3 thank you in advance ^___^

BAD BLOOD — ARGUMENTS WITH JJK MEN !

featuring. nanami kento, choso, megumi fushiguro x reader

warnings. cursing, yelling, slight angst (ends in fluff dw).

note. hi anon, thank you for loving my works, it means a lot to me. and i love this request, i've been feeling like crap for the whole day so this is just what i needed! i hope you like this one <;33 and for anons who have sent in request, i'm writing them down and keeping them in my drafts for daily posts, so don't worry about it!

NANAMI KENTO. i feel like arguments with nanami will be very soft but angry. nanami is a gentle person, and he just hates the thoughts of saying something hurtful to you — but do keep in mind that he won't always be very soft, he could be loud at times. but most of your arguments with him are soft spoken, the both of you exchanging thoughts and troubles.

for the past few days, nanami has been extremely overworked and so you're walking on eggshells around him. he gets sensitive, and the slightest bit of inconvenience angered him. yes, you get it — he's tired from his work, you could totally understand that. he's a busy man after all.

"kento, don't you want to take a break..? you've been working non-stop, you'll get sick," you eyed him, poking around your food.

nanami sat across from you, his eyes glued to a paper, and honestly, it was getting a little sickening. all you wanted to do was to talk to him, but you felt as if you were selfish if you asked the man to prioritize you over his work — so you stayed silent, for almost a week the two of you haven't exactly been conversing right, or talking unless it was an exchange of "hi"s and "bye"s. but that was about it.

"i need to get this done, wait a moment."

that phrase sounded like a template by now, and you huffed, rolling your eyes, "i know, i'm just worried about you. you're not getting enough sleep, you're not eating well, and at this point, i'm just afraid that you'll dig your own gra—"

"i can take care of myself, thank you. you don't have to worry about me, i know what i'm doing."

you can't help but to furrow your brows at his cold reply, a little offended when all you seemed to be doing was care for him. the least he could do was thank you for it, "god, you don't have to be such an ass about it. forgive me for caring then."

at this point, your words only added fuel to the already big fire. nanami stared at you, the exhaustion in his eyes are apparent, and his lips pursed into a thin line before he inhaled sharply, "you're being a child, i just told you i can take care of myself. please, don't argue with me on this. i'm tired with all these paperwork, don't add more burden for my shoulders."

you clicked your tongue, standing up, not wanting to engage on this particular conversation anymore, "well forgive me for caring and for being a burden. enjoy your dinner," was all you spat out at him before going to the living room — plopping your body down the couch.

arguments with him usually ends up with the both of you apologizing to each other, but this particular argument seemed to not just go the way how it usually does. a couple of hours later, none of you talked. you assumed that the male finished his dinner, and you saw him walk by you into your shared room.

the two of you refused to talk to each other, or even as little as making an eye contact. you figured that you'd just spend the night in the living room where the TV could keep you company, so you stormed inside your shared room where nanami was on the bed, eyes still on his beloved papers.

he said nothing, nor did he spare a glance at you. so you become a guest in your own bedroom and grabbed your pillow, it wasn't that chilly outside so you didn't grab the only blanket laying on the bed (you actually left it there for him to use, the ac could be pretty cold at times).

and he never came out, not until you fell asleep with the TV still on. nanami hadn't even slept, he'd gotten his work done hours ago — but still he couldn't sleep. not without you by his side.

the clock strikes fifteen minutes past three in the morning, and nanami pushed himself up from the bed — feeling the void beside him, even with the blanket; he felt cold. opening the door softly, he trudged out of the room, the sight of you all curled up on top of the couch, vivid lights shining from the TV still managing to light up the whole living room despite the lights being off.

he squats down in front of you, brushing your h/c hair out of your face and it made you turn in your sleep. although not enough to wake you up completely, nanami one of his arm under your upper back, and one under your legs. carrying you inside the room with soft steps before laying you down, not forgetting to tuck you under the blanket and leaving trails of butterfly kisses on your face.

he could finally sleep.

with the sun rays greeting you through the creases of your still covered window, you squirmed. groaning out.

"y/n?"

upon hearing nanami's voice, your eyes flutter open. of course — it was a surprise for you to wake up on the bed when you fell asleep on the couch, "did you carry me here?"

nanami nods, he was leaning onto the bed post, "i'm sorry. what i said to you was wrong," he softly said.

the anger you felt the other night was gone by now, and you were just glad that nanami was willing to talk to you. you shook your head with a small smile, "it was part of my fault too, you were working — i shouldn't have pestered you too much."

nanami wasted no time in pulling you towards him, "you were worried for me. never apologize for that."

like i said, arguments with nanami will always end pretty quickly (the two of you are mature enough to talk it out), oh and also? he spoils you the entire day after an argument so — have fun!

CHOSO. i feel like choso would be confused a lot during arguments with you, on one side i could see him being brazen with his words, and on the other side i could see him being careful with them. no in between, he's definitely scared of saying the wrong things to you — and you getting hurt emotionally, hurts him as well. so at times he just tries to end it quickly by saying sorry.

god, he hates seeing you sad. at the end of the day, if he did say things the wrong way (even if it was to defend himself when he's not wrong), choso will apologize to you for how he said his words (and you'll apologize for your mistake). but choso has his share of apologizing because of his mistake too.

"cho, are you listening to me? gosh, you never pay attention to what i'm saying, are you taking this seriously?" choso looks up at you with his brows furrowed, definitely frustrated by everything that was happening around him right now.

first of all, he expected today to be a very special day. he hasn't seen you for the past couple of days because you've been so busy with work, and he was so excited when you told him you'd be having a couple of days to rest. he couldn't wait to meet you and go out on dates with you.

but clearly, his expectations were shoved down the drain because here you both were — arguing over your work hours choso had brought up a few minutes prior. and all he said was that he wished that the both of you would have more time to spend together, which irked you.

it had been a rough week with work where you had to write and write and write on countless paperwork (which you couldn't really complain on because you signed up for the job). and you weren't afraid to admit that you were in the wrong this time, when all choso wanted was time with you. here you were, getting all riled up because he wished that he had more time with you, and if the roles were switched; you were pretty damn sure you'd say the same thing to him.

"'m sorry for bringing that up. can we go out now..? i don't wanna fight w' you." choso mumbled out, averting his gaze to the side.

his tone ripped you away from your anger and you sighed, pulling him into your embrace, "cho, 'm sorry. i shouldn't have taken my anger out on you just because i've had a rough week."

choso returned your embrace mutely, a small smile dawning upon his lips. he was just glad the argument was cut short. all he wanted to do now was to go out of this slump and make you the happiest person ever — even just for a moment, a couple of days before you eventually have to return back to work.

"cho, say something."

choso pulls away from your touch, "i forgive you. let's go out? missed you. so much."

for the rest of the day, you and choso had the most fun in a week. also, choso fell into a pond in the park because he wasn't looking at the road — and also, you might've called your boss to extend your rest day (by saying you weren't feeling well) so you could have more time to spend with your boyfriend.

MEGUMI FUSHIGURO. i feel like megumi's the type of boyfriend who tries to stay out of arguments with you, if he was entangled in one where he isn't in the wrong — and you tell him to do something, he'd just kind of do it without any complaints. tell him to shut up? he shuts up. tell him to go away? he'll leave. tell him to leave you alone? he'll leave you alone (for a couple of hours).

but when he feels like things aren't ceasing, he'd try his best to negotiate with you and try to find out what the core of the problem is between the both of you. let's be real, megumi is a realistic type of person, he'd never admit that he's wrong when he isn't just to solve things the fast way, even to you; his own partner.

"y/n. how many times do i have to tell you that it's not that i'm bored of you alright? i've been busy. i'm not bored of you."

okay, you didn't expect one question to lead to this argument. all you asked him was a simple yes or no question: "are you bored of me?" and you didn't throw the question for no apparent reason, the reason behind that question itself was megumi's change of behavior the past two weeks.

he'd been extremely distant, and cold. whenever you asked him about it, he just tells you that he's tired. which you could totally understand since he is pretty busy, like uncle ben said: "with great power comes great responsibility."

being a jujutsu sorcerer is a big responsibility. you could understand where it was coming from, but when it happens again and again, you can't help but to overthink about it. overthink about how megumi might be bored of you and the whole relationship.

"megumi, i...okay— i'm sorry for asking about this. i was just worried." you tell him, not wanting to argue any longer about this whole thing, "i'm sorry, you must be stressed out with school and stuff."

megumi furrowed his brows, inhaling sharply, "no, no.. i'm sorry for lashing out. let's talk about this. i don't want you to get the wrong idea."

megumi explained everything from a to z, about how he was still so in love with you and he had been distant because of his power and what comes with it. it was pretty cute to listen to him talk, the constant flush on his face whenever he talks about you, and the stress in his voice when he talks about his power was apparent.

poor boy just needed a break.

"megumi, let's take a nap. you look like you need it."

"...i do."

argument ended. relationship stronger. and you both get to nap together, absolute win-win.

© CHURIPU 2023 , DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE !

[esmedelacroix]

"I hate it when you're not around,"

husband!miguel x f!reader ♡

10 Things I Hate About You ← mini-series masterlist

"Even worse when you make me cry" ← previous part

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What Miguel didn't know was that you had already forgiven him. One of the hardest tasks in the world for you was to stay mad at him. You had forgiven him the moment he kissed your shoulder and said the simple words, "I'm sorry," Why? Because you love him. Maybe a little too much.

Most people would think that the words, "I'm sorry" have lost all meaning in your relationship. That the phrase is used by Miguel so much that it is just something he says to avoid disputes. That's not true though. You know that there is gravity behind every "I'm sorry," Miguel says.

That didn't stop the fact that Miguel hurt you. You just wanted him to feel the same pain you did. So you stopped visiting him at work and you stopped waiting for him to come home and just went straight to bed. It killed you not to be able to see him during the day, but you were upset. He made you cry, he deserved it.

. . .

Miguel's POV

Something has been missing from my days. I know exactly what it is but I've been trying to take my mind off of it. But how could I not think about her? My sweet angel that usually visits me is nowhere to be found today, just like yesterday and the day before. It's like eating a pb &j without the j or the pb or anything. It's like my days lose some of their meaning when she's not here with me.

An unfamiliar and chilling gloom cast on my office. Similar to the one that was there before I met the love of my life. It was too often an occurrence where things would be insane at work and it affected my home life with her.

She's never been this upset with me. But I guess once one thing happens over and over you begin to get tired. Is she perhaps getting tired of me? Just when I'd reached the peak of my overthinking spree, Peter B. barged into my office with Hobie, Gwen, and Mayday.

"Alright Miguel we've had enough," Peter started stomping up to me.

"Enough of what," I deadpanned.

"Enough of your sulking and enough of your wife not being here, we're friends with her. We all miss her," Gwen continued.

"You do know why she's so upset with you, right?" Hobie asked.

I finally turned away from my screens and faced the group interrogating me. "Because... I've been working too much?" he answered.

"No, she's used to that. It's because of Justine," Hobie interjected.

"Justine?" he repeated, confused.

"Yes Justine, the girl you keep running to instead of spending time with your wife," Gwen said.

"The girl you keep choosing over your wife," Peter B added.

"The girl you're cheating on your wife with," Hobie interjected.

"Woah woah hold your horses. I'm not cheating on my wife with Justine!? That's absurd! I can barely stand her!" he retired. He didn't raise his voice but his tone was definitely unusually unstable.

"But do you see how she could think that you're choosing Justine over her?" Peter asked.

"I mean I guess so but I was just following protocol," he replied.

"You could've waited until after lunch," Gwen responded.

"She needed a friend the night she went to her universe. I see myself in her. I was only trying to help. I couldn't imagine being with another woman that's not my love," he insisted.

"Well, you have to say that all to her, not us. It sounds like you guys have a bit of a communication problem," Hobie replied.

"Dios mío[my God], I can't believe I'm getting advice from a kid," he whispered to himself.

"Well you better take that advice," Peter answered.

"But she doesn't want to see me," he sighed, sinking down into his seat.

"Do you really believe that?" Peter B asked raising a brow and placing a firm hand on his shoulder.

With that encouragement, Miguel dropped all his work and swung to your home hoping you wouldn't already be asleep. Like the whole universe was against him, little problems kept coming up on the way. An old lady's cat stuck in a tree, bodega robbery, bank robbery, you name it.

None of that would stop him from coming home to you on time.

. . .

next part → "And the fact that you didn't call,"

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taglist: @lilscast @lazyjellyfish300 @safixiovi @saaaaaaaaaaaamiiiiiiiiiiira @aktenati @vera4luv @skylertully @boringpersonality @ce3stvu @straw-berry-ghoul @holachaoholachoa

[vaaaaaiolet]

Have u ever hit a hard core slump and if u have how did u get out of it ? 😭

hardcore slump, you say.

BOY HAVE I

tl;dr:

EAT WORDS

jot down stuff over time in a dump sheet with not a SINGLE intention of turning them into full-fledged writing

eject any self-imposed deadlines from your brain

and boom shakalaka YES GAWD you'll be writing again in no time.

what gets me into writing slumps is when i'm either:

1) not interested in the thing i'm writing about

2) frustrated with my writing quality.

if you go to my masterlist, the longest i've gone w/o posting anything is ~3 months but i've DEFINITELY had longer periods where i didn't write anything at all. they just happened before i started writing fic.

imo, a lot of that "stuck" feeling we associate with writer's block comes from not exposing ourselves to a variety of writing styles and getting stuck in the predictable flow of our own. this is where my EAT WORDS philosophy comes in.

i want you to get your hands on whatever writing (books, poems, shows, blogs, articles, nutrition labels LMAO) sparks ANY interest. act like you found an all-you-can-eat grazing table after 3 straight ramadans of fasting. DON'T STICK TO STUFF YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH!! i was a voracious reader as a kid and that translated into a love for writing bc i learned about so many interesting words and ways to arrange them that i wanted to try doing it myself. get creative!! writing is a creative art!! YOU are a creative person. think of this as adding fuel to a depleted creativity tank.

then i want you to keep a running scrapbook doc of interesting words or phrases that you add onto whenever something strikes your fancy.

i'm talking less MLA citations and more like random musings that pop into your brain while watching sunlight stream through your kitchen windows, lighting up a bowl of mandarins into a thousand splendid suns (FANTASTIC book btw). collect quotes!! include screenshots!! notion is excellent for this but you can totally carry around an old-school notebook like a bona fide author too. don't let grammar rules get in the way!! stop judging yourself!! there's no such thing as a stupid addition to your blurb sheet. i'll even give you an example of how stupid you can be by showing you mine and you might recognize a few lines from my fics LMAO

this does 2 things: you get practice playing with phrasing without the metric ton of pressure that comes with "actually" writing, and you get a personalized bank of handmade writing prompts for the future that imo work better than the super blah generic ones on writing blogs from 2015.

and finally!! FORGET THAT YOU NEED TO WRITE

the more pressure you put on yourself to write the next classic novel, the less likely you are to get it done by any foreseeable deadline. if you give in to the writing slump demon whispering in your ear that YOUNEEDTOWRITENOWNOWNOW, you're not going to get anything done, trust me. reverse-psychology your writer's block by reading and feeding your creativity. being a writer also means being a reader. you can't be one without the other. take a backseat, let yourself love reading again. think of it as researching what it's like for the person on the other end of your future work; how are you going to write well if you don't even know what you like to read? let your creativity take a breather!!

if you're any kind of writer (which you are), the itch to write ALWAYS, inevitably comes back. before you know it, you're going to be scribbling on notebook margins and scrambling awake at 1 am to write down half-sentences. a slump is not the be all end all!! it's just your writing skills telling your brain that they needs time to catch up with your excellent creative vision :)

GO FORTH AND WIELD YOUR MIGHTY PEN, ANON!! i wish you the very best of luck in all your writing endeavors, and i hope this yapfest was somewhat helpful LMAOOO <3

[recovering-dungeon-lord]

Minor Dungeon Meshi spoilers incoming, not for the actual plot but for the overall tone/trajectory of the story, so if you consider that a spoiler feel free to skip. I’m making this especially for anime watchers who are uncertain and/or feeling some type of way after watching Ep 11.

As someone who has read the entire Dungeon Meshi manga, I totally understand why other manga readers are enjoying seeing anime watchers react to the tonal shift in Episode 11. It’s super interesting and exciting and validating to watch someone go through the same shock you once went through, and loose their mind and speculate and theorize the same as you did.

But I also fear that maybe we’re going a little overboard with the whole attitude of “lol y’all got got, now you see what the story is really like.” Because it gives/can give the impression that the show from here on out is going to be a typical grimdark fantasy, that the unique take and sense of joy that has been present up until now will go away. This was actually something I myself worried about when I first read the manga. I almost stopped reading because of it, and I don’t want anime only folks to do the same and miss out on all the wonderful things this series still has to offer.

So to all the anime watchers out there who might be feeling conflicted right now, please let me reassure you. Yes, the show is gonna get a little darker and a lot more complex in plot/lore. It is going to become, if you’ll forgive the phrase, slightly less easily digestible. Yes, there is a tonal shift at this point in the story. But it is not a bait and switch of a hopeful, feel-good tale of friendship for some sort of hyper-serious drama about the cruel indifference of nature. I promise.

The forest has to get darker before it can get lighter (a lot darker at certain points) but it will get lighter, and there are plenty of points of light along the way. The comedy is still there. The whimsy is still there. The unique, complex characters and interesting relationships are still there (and added to). The messages of perseverance and the power of friendship are still there. The cooking is still there and just as delightful. Plus we have so many more great characters to meet and relationships to be developed and so so so much cool lore to find out about.

It’s gonna be a wild ride but I promise it will be worth it, and like a good meal by the end it will leave you feeling satisfied and full of joy.

[blonndiec]

Someone already contradicting themselves but only to save face, they blocked the people who called everything with proofs (and now everybody else is a dick but I guess a dick itself cannot cance/block themselves) and sent other people to “defend them”.

So Dakota Johnson sums up this situation because this public instance was recently “changed” and now it’s being used as a change in narrative to create again a twisted version of what people were saying with PROOF:

And I can really vibe with this because of these screenshots using phrases, wording and narratives that state exactly the opposite to this said “fandom etiquete” that is being posted (these screenshots are mine, by the way):

(For the 2 images at the bottom: First one was the original, then 10 minutes later there was a curious change in wording to make it more relatable, gut wrenching and really tackle sympathy. Quite curious, don't you think? Anyway, I have more from this incident when we can view point 2 of the fandom etiquett and from which I have proof no one was attacked and I'm no acephobe because...really, I'm married to an ace myself. So? Really? Then using these wording and then adding the 'red flag because of using a 'nazi term' - like really, this person wanted me OVER, gone.)

So, given this, I have no problems in asking the hard questions:

So again, to sum it up, I bring Dakota in again:

🌈Let’s stop complicit this behaviors🌈

And also, let's stop falling from this kind of attempts to twist the narrative. That is what is truly TOXIC in a fandom, and DIVISIVE. Right now, I can tell there will be a discourse going around with the likes of 'Poor me, I didn't recognize that this person was only falsely friendly and now I see it was a red flag' to gain sympathy, but never for a second was not a acknowledge, or nothing of sorts that could indicate conversation or closure. No.

And for the record, yes, I did admired them very much and I did sincerely thought if them as a friend. I was there cheering, commenting, and yes, even defending them when a series of events happened with bookmarks, then also motivated them to keep despite them not having the desired engagement. Truly it was this way, and I have nothing to lose or a motive to be lying about this - better, ask yourself why I'm coming forward and think that if that someone considered me their friend...why didn't they came directly to me to ask me 'Hey, this happened, let's talk.'? You don't call acephobe asshole, a karen, a bigot, an Ivanka, acuses of using Nazi term -and more-, to someone you considered a friend knowing you will put them as a person in a very though spot with very damaging lies. So again, I repeat: Le's not fall for vicim narratives only to keep creating lies that will make people feel morally obligated to commiserate.

But what it IS TRUE is that there is a lot of people who have come forward or reached out to me about the 'weird vibes' and lack of sincerity they do feel about this person and also people who had been labeled and discriminated unjustly by this same person in a space that should be all about community, enjoyment and fun about what we love. But we are all the dicks, apparently, not them. Anyway, this is the last time (most probably) I'll be discussing this unless this person starts attacking me again with false accusations or the likes of anything similar to harassment. Which in that case, I will speak about it and report it accordingly.

That’s all.

HAPPY NEW YEARS✨

And here is the whole Dakota Johnson video, because SAME.

[pocket-lad]

CH 3- Day After Day

Prev ● Masterpost ● Next

Ian never knocked on the walls before, so it had to be something important. Scrambling, Adelaide hoisted her jacket and bag over her shoulder and sprinted out the entrance. Sunlight blinded her, and she reached a hand over her eyes to block it out.

After she blinked away the spots, she looked up to see Ian kneeling very close to the wall. “Good morning,” he said casually.

“What’s going on?!” Adelaide said frantically.

“Kelly’s leaving. Thought you might uh, might want to say…goodbye.”

That was it !?

“Don’t do that!” Adelaide scolded, running up to the massive boot planted on the ground and kicking at it. “You probably scared every borrower within two miles to death!”

Ian noticed the way she phrased that and wondered if there was more than one borrower in these walls. Wouldn’t that be something?

“Stop kicking me,” he said, gently wrapping his hand around her and extricating her from his shoe. She struggled against him, but he set her back down by the wall and continued. “Do you want to say goodbye, uh, or what?”

Adelaide shook the feeling of fingers away. “Yeah, of course, just…don’t do that again.”

Ian held his hand out for her. She glared at him one last time before stepping on, and she thought about Ollie as she was lifted into the air. There was no doubt she and her family either felt or heard that, and if they weren’t scared, they were at the very least confused.

Ian approached the front door, where Kelly stood wearing fresh clothes and a backpack. She was in the middle of saying goodbye to Sarah, then turned to face them. “Bye, Adelaide,” she said.

“Bye, Kelly.”

“Can I give you a hug?”

The response was immediate. “No.”

Adelaide saw the girl’s face fall, which made her feel a little guilty. But this was a hard boundary that she wasn’t willing to bypass just to spare Kelly’s feelings. They’d have to meet somewhere in the middle. “How about a fist bump?”

Kelly smiled. That would work just fine. She held out her fist and Adelaide didn’t retreat this time. She punched Kelly’s hand as hard as she could and was thankful that the girl felt it.

“Can I see you again?” Kelly asked.

“Oh, for sure!”

With that, Ian set Adelaide on the table so he could hug his daughter goodbye. Adelaide watched, massaging her hand as she did so. It still hurt, and climbing around certainly wasn’t helping.

Kelly left, and Ian addressed Adelaide. “How’s your hand?”

Adelaide stopped rubbing it. “Fine”

Ian looked at her.

“Not fine,” she corrected.

“Could that…possibly have anything to do with the - with the fact that you keep using it to climb?” he asked.

“Definitely not.”

Ian looked at her.

“Probably,” she corrected.

Suddenly, Sarah appeared out of nowhere with some gauze cut down to an incredibly small size . “Some new bandages might help with that,” she added as she placed them on the table in front of Adelaide.

“Thanks,” Adelaide said. She immediately got to unwrapping and wrapping her hand again. In between, she stretched it out, which felt simultaneously great and horrible.

Sarah continued on into the kitchen and Ian followed. “And stop climbing,” she said.

“Did Ian tell you to say that?”

“Yeah, but I would’ve told you myself. It’s not gonna heal.” Sarah opened the fridge and popped a blueberry into her mouth, then offered another one to Adelaide.

Adelaide studied the berry from a distance and thought about what Ollie would think of her accepting it. Nothing good, that was for sure. But she was so hungry, and it looked so fresh.  After a lengthy internal debate with herself that earned her weird looks from both Sarah and Ian, Adelaide accepted. She had an idea.

“Any plans for today?” Ian asked.

“Yes, actually,” Adelaide said.

“Plans more interesting than a long day of interviews and statements and legal proceedings?”

“Yes, actually."

“This is me - this is me asking you to come with us,” Ian clarified.

“Well, I’m busy.” Adelaide glanced nervously at Sarah, not wanting to give too much away. “I have walls to explore.”

“Sounds thrilling,” Ian said, but he picked up on her meaning. She was going to see Ollie. Something must have changed for the better in the last couple hours, and he was curious to hear about it when he got back. “You need anything before we go?”

“Nope,” Adelaide said, antsy to get back in the walls. She already began slicing chunks of blueberry away and folding them up into tinfoil.

“You sure?”

“Yup,” she responded distractedly. Only when she felt his presence overhead did she look up. “What?”

“Not even a lift to the ground?”

“I don’t say this often, but you should probably listen to him,” Sarah said from afar with another berry in her mouth.

Adelaide rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she sighed.

Ian took her to the hole in the wall. “You know my number in case anything happens?”

“Yes, yes, I know,” Adelaide waved him off. Ian recently got a new phone that he could apparently take with him anywhere. It had its own number, so she could call him from his house phone if she ever needed him. She never did, obviously, but it was nice to know she could talk to him even when he wasn’t there.

“Tell your friend I say hello, and uh, sorry.”

“Keep your voice down!” Adelaide exclaimed.

“Calm down, Sarah can’t hear me.”

“Sarah can’t hear what?” Sarah called.

Ian smirked then took off, leaving her to her own devices. Not wanting to be so close to standing giants while on the floor, Adelaide headed into the walls. She went in the direction she remembered finding Dane and Oliver, then kept going. It didn’t take long to find something that looked like a door. Before she could talk herself out of it, she knocked.

“Oliver, get back here!” was all the warning Adelaide got before the door pushed open. She was greeted by the boy, but Dane was right on his heels. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. Ian says he’s sorry too, for the record, but uh, I brought you an ‘I’m sorry’ gift.” Adelaide awkwardly held out the bundled blueberry pieces.

Dane cautiously took them as Ollie came running up behind him. “What’s this?” she asked.

“Blueberry,” Adelaide answered.

“Yeah, I can see that…From the Bean?” The look on her face was hesitant.

“Yeah, from the Bean. From all of us, I guess.” Adelaide couldn’t explain why she felt so guilty, especially now.

“No, thank you,” Dane said, shoving the foil back in Adelaide’s hands.

“But it’s fruit!” Oliver cried.

“We don’t take handouts,” Dane explained, and his tone indicated that his decision was final.

“Here, let’s go for a walk,” Ollie interjected, shoving her way through the door and taking Adelaide’s hand as she walked in the other direction. She pulled the door closed behind her, leaving Dane and Oliver with their opinions.  Adelaide blushed at the contact and her stomach felt all fluttery. She forced the weird feeling down.

“I’ll sneak the blueberries in later, but I wouldn’t try that again if I were you,” Ollie said, taking the bundle from Adelaide’s hands.

“Is this you accepting our apology, then?”

“I guess it is.” Ollie picked a piece from the foil and slowly held it up to her mouth. She inhaled, taking in the scent, before letting herself eat it. As the blueberry disappeared into her mouth, her face melted into pure bliss.

Adelaide couldn’t help the smile that crept onto her face. Borrowers didn’t get to eat fruit. That wasn’t a luxury they could afford, and to Ollie, this was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Well, hopefully not anymore, but they’d cross that bridge later.

“Oh yeah,” Ollie mumbled, mouth full. “Dad won’t be returning this once he tries it.”

“Just one of the perks of living with a Bean who knows about you,” Adelaide shrugged.

Ollie’s face fell. “Right…”

Adelaide sensed it was time to change the subject. “Where are you taking me?”

“Figured I’d show you where everything is.”

“Oh, cool.”

They walked for hours. Ollie showed Adelaide the immediate area around their home, a few convenient and a few inconvenient entrances/exits, and two different pipes with water access. Ollie had never gotten the chance to do anything like this. She wanted to take Adelaide to so many places, show her everything, but due to Adelaide’s out-of-commission hand, they were limited as to where they could go. She was still a little wary as well. Adelaide seemed trustworthy enough, but you could never be too careful.

Eventually, they ended up by the front door again.

“Thanks for showing me around…Wanna, um…do you want to do it again…tomorrow?” Adelaide mumbled.

“Yeah, sure,” Ollie smiled. “But only if you help me out with chores.”

“Deal! Though, I don’t think your dad’s gonna let me in your house anytime soon. Beyond that, I’m yours.”

“Cool!”

They stared at each other for a long, charged moment until Ollie broke away and closed the front door behind her.

Adelaide remained standing there for an indeterminate amount of time. She just had a genuinely fun and interesting but not life-threatening day with another borrower whom she was really starting to like. Never in a million years did she think a day like this would come, yet here it was.

Giddy and full of energy, Adelaide walked back to her makeshift bed in the Threshold and laid her head on her bag. Judging by the lack of light making it inside the walls, it had to have been nighttime. She was much too excited to sleep, but the sooner she went to sleep, the sooner tomorrow would come.

Tomorrow came, and Adelaide found herself outside Ollie’s door bright and early. She didn’t know if it was too early to knock, so she waited impatiently, pacing back and forth but attempting to keep her footsteps light and inaudible.

It could have been minutes or hours, but Ollie burst out of the door and nearly collided with Adelaide. They both yelped but laughed it off.

“How long have you been here?” Ollie asked.

“Not long,” Adelaide lied.

“Well, I hope you’re ready for a long day of errands.”

“Can’t wait.” Adelaide realized that she truly meant it. It wasn’t the errands themselves per se, but some semblance of normalcy was nice, and doing it with a friend was nicer.

They trekked to the pipes to collect a few buckets of water, they borrowed, they swept some less-used passages, but most of their time was spent fixing a step that was carved right into the foundation.  It had apparently been loose for a while, but they never found the time to fix it. With the extra hand, it would hopefully go a lot faster.

By the end of the day, they worked up a decent sweat but accomplished quite a bit.

“Is there anywhere I can wash off?” Adelaide asked. She was still itching for a shower.

“Yeah, at my…house.”

Adelaide winced. She wasn’t particularly welcome there. “I can probably get to the Beans’ sink, it’s really no big deal-”

“No, no. I can take you there. Dad’s probably not even home anyway.”

Ollie walked her back to their house and slowly pushed open the front door. When she didn’t hear anything, she ushered Adelaide inside.

The place was bigger than Adelaide’s. It had your standard makeshift borrower furniture - thimbles and matchboxes and the sort - and dark corridors led in different directions, probably to their individual rooms.

Off to the right was an improvised version of a door that was a lot less impressive than the one in front of their home, but a door nonetheless. Behind it was a small room with pieces of fabric, a splinter of soap, and some holes in the ground. An interesting setup a lot different than her own.

Their hands brushed up against each other as Ollie handed Adelaide a bucket full of water. “We can go refill it when you’re done. And also be quick. I’ll be on the lookout.”

“Can do,” Adelaide said in an unnaturally high voice. She disappeared to go take her shower.  She was usually pretty quick about washing up, but she hadn’t been able to do so in days, so she allowed herself an extra minute or two of scrubbing, and it was so worth it.

Suddenly, the door pushed open an inch and Adelaide jumped, but Ollie’s hand appeared with some fresh clothes in it.

Adelaide took them and got dressed. She emerged feeling cleaner than ever before. “Are these yours?” she asked, regarding the clothes.

“Yeah, I mean they’re definitely not Oliver’s.”

They laughed. Adelaide typically didn’t care what she wore, but this was nice. A deep, forest green, long-sleeve shirt and some black denim pants. The dark green made her pale skin look paler, but she thought it would look really nice on Ollie.

Adelaide tied her hair back in a high ponytail and threw on her jacket, ready to go.

“Let’s get out of here before-” Ollie started.

“Before Dad comes home?” Dane’s voice rang out. The girls glanced over to the front door. Dane stood there with his arms crossed, leaning against the doorframe with a very displeased expression on his face.

“Dad, she helped me out all day. The least I could do was offer her a shower-”

“That’s fine. But I don’t want you making a habit of hanging around here. Understood?” Dane said to Adelaide.

Adelaide bit her tongue to prevent any unpleasant words from leaking out. “Understood,” she nodded, and she rushed past him out the door as he moved out of the way.

“Dad!” Ollie complained.

“Have you lost your mind? That girl talks to Beans. Any day now they’ll start carving into these walls and they will take you away.”

“You’re being ridiculous!”

Adelaide stood a couple relative feet from the open door, listening to them argue. Dane's judgement made her inexplicably angry, but she didn’t want to be a wedge in their family. She was nobody. She only knew Ollie for a couple days. She couldn’t do that to them.  And so, Adelaide retreated to the place she knew best - her little Threshold.

***

“Hey. Wake up.”

Adelaide felt herself jostled into consciousness. A small hand shook her shoulder repeatedly until she forced her eyes open. Ollie stared down at her.

“Why are you sleeping here?” she asked.

“Uh…” Adelaide tried to pull words out of her morning brain soup. “Idunno.”

“Have you been sleeping here every night?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Idunno.”

“Adelaide, that’s stupid. You’re gonna freeze to death. And destroy your back.”

Adelaide finally sat up, rubbing her eyes and cracking every bone in her body. “I’m fine. I don’t really have anywhere else to sleep, anyway.”

“You can sleep at my place!”

“And face the wrath of your father? No thanks.”

“He’s being irrational. I talked to him last night and calmed him down. Give me another day or two and I think I can talk him into an apology,” Ollie explained.

“Really, it’s fine. I don’t want to be cause for argument.”

“I’m gonna argue with him anyway. He’s my dad. And I’d rather argue about something worth arguing for.”

Oh.

Adelaide’s heart did the thing again, and she felt compelled to giggle. That was worrying. She wasn’t one to giggle.

Ollie grabbed Adelaide’s hand and helped her to her feet. They spent the whole day together again. And then another day. They seemingly spent every waking moment together, but Adelaide felt it still wasn’t enough. She hadn’t felt this happy in a long time.

The next day, as they wandered along, Adelaide thought about grabbing Ollie’s hand like she saw in the movies. Just as she was about to make a move, a scuffling sound echoed in the wood around them. They paused and slowly withdrew their knives.

It was just in time too, as a massive rat emerged from the darkness. It sniffed around until its beady, black eyes landed directly on them.

“How do you wanna do this?” Adelaide whispered.

“You think you can distract it?”

“Absolutely.”

The rat itself froze, regarding the two borrowers. The hair on its back rose like a cat and it started to make a noise that was somewhere between a hiss and a squeak. It wasn’t looking to eat them, but it was definitely going to defend its territory.

Adelaide charged the animal head on, hollering the whole way. It was probably a dumb idea, but it worked. The rat was stunned just long enough to allow Adelaide to slide by, squeezing between it and the wall.  She regarded the flicking, agitated tail. “HEY!”

The rat turned.

“Hey, stupid! Look at me!”

It did more than look at her. It lunged at her. Adelaide screamed but slashed with her knife. It caught the side of its long snout, blood oozing from the wound.

Ollie suddenly appeared on the rat’s back and repeatedly drove her knife into the back of its neck. The rat bucked and fought and did everything in its power to throw Ollie loose, but it was a losing battle. Ollie held fast, grasping the coarse fur, and Adelaide jumped in to finish it off, sticking her knife wherever it would go. Elegant? No. But it did the job.

Ollie leapt off of its back and landed on her feet next to Adelaide. “Nice!” she breathed heavily.

“You too!” The thrill of the kill. Adelaide truly missed this.

They both took a moment to catch their breath. It was a pretty big rat. Dragging it back to the house was going to take a lot of energy.

“Dad’s gonna love this. Looks like the skin is mostly salvageable and we might even be able to cook some of the meat.”

“Where do you cook it?” Adelaide asked curiously. She didn’t have anything sophisticated back home, so most of the meat she was able to acquire went to waste anyway.

“Outside.”

Adelaide’s eyes widened. “Outside?!”

“Yeah, we’ve got a little spot where we can build fires.”

“That’s crazy…and also dangerous!”

Ollie laughed. “Yeah, I’m aware.”

Adelaide hesitated. She knew what she was about to say had roughly a fifty percent chance of rejection, but she felt obligated to offer anyway. “We could take it back to Ian. He could cook it on the stove, probably even put seasoning on it. You wouldn’t believe the amount of spices Beans have-”

“No, that’s okay,” Ollie said quietly, averting her eyes. Adelaide could see her immediately shut down at the suggestion, but she couldn’t stop.

“Come on. We might leave any day now, and I can’t do that without having you experience the wonders of Bean cooking.”

“I’m not going to accept a Bean’s help. We can cook the rat just fine on our own.”

Adelaide knew this argument backwards and forwards. She was usually the one making the argument, though. “Hey. We literally did all the hard work. We killed it. We’re gonna skin it. We have to drag it all the way to the kitchen. All he has to do is put it in a pan and watch it cook.”

“I don’t know, Adelaide…”

“And he owes it to us. To you. For grabbing you.”

“He already gave us the blueberry-”

“That required zero effort on his part, and I’d even argue the blueberry was from Sarah.”

Ollie searched Adelaide for any sign of deception with her big, brown eyes. Adelaide could see her going back and forth, weighing the pros and cons, considering the consequences of saying yes.

“Fine,” Ollie said. “But I’m not leaving the walls. And we don’t tell anyone.”

Adelaide beamed. “You got it!”

And so, the two borrowers slowly and painfully dragged the rat carcass to the entrance on the counter. They paused to rest when they reached the hole.

“I’ll be right back,” Adelaide said. Ollie nodded nervously, and there was a pause where Adelaide felt like she should do something else. She just wasn’t sure what, though, and so, she exited onto the counter.

Sarah’s place was small. There was another room or two Adelaide hadn’t seen yet, but most of the home was visible from the countertop. Peeking above the back of the couch were two recognizable heads. Confident that nobody else was around, Adelaide called out.

“Ian!”

Both Ian and Sarah’s heads turned toward the noise, and once Ian realized who it was, he was on his feet and in the kitchen within seconds.

When his eyes fell on Adelaide, he dropped whatever was in his hand. “Jesus Christ!”

Prev ● Masterpost ● Next

[halikyon]

A Meeting Between Ryune and Sphene: 675 Words An exchange where they come to understand one another a bit better after the events of 7.2.

Meanwhile, in the Backroom:

"Sphene, may I speak with you for a moment?"

"Of course, Ryune."

"Alone?" Ryune added quickly, "If you don't mind."

Sphene looked apprehensive for a moment, but nodded, following as Ryune motioned for her to follow, leading her to a quiet section away from the others, between a few server banks. "What's this about?"

Ryune leaned up against one of the server banks, regarding Sphene for a moment. "Its a bit complicated, but it comes down to this not being the first you that I know."

"I imagine it must be difficult. From what you all told me, this is the face of an enemy to be stopped, not an ally." Sphene replied, seemingly already on the same page as she leaned on her own server bank opposite if Ryune.

"I don't mean it quite like that." Ryune assured her. "You might be surprised how many former rivals have become allies in time."

"Ah! Then..."

"All this is...very unfair to you, I think." Ryune said, unsure how to phrase the thought. "We know a simulacra of who you might have been, and in so doing have gotten quite an advantage in information. I don't much like it, honestly."

"I will admit, seeming to have awakened in a world where everyone knows my name and I know none has not been easy, but you have done no wrong by me." Sphene assured her in kind. "If anything, you've all been very accommodating and kind. Though, it would seem this does bother both you and Wuk Lamat both."

"Yes, she has mentioned as such to me." Ryune sighed, resolved to fix the problem she saw before her, "If you would, I would very much like for you to consider me an open book. Anything you want to ask about me, I'll answer. It doesn't make up for a connection forged over time, but I'd feel better if you knew I had nothing to hide."

Sphene laughed, a sound and sight that made Ryune's chest stir for a moment as a light, barely detectable emotion of appreciation of humor made its way to her senses granted by the Echo, as such things sometimes did. Her ability wasn't unlike Krile's, just very muted to the point of almost being useless unless in close proximity with someone with little to no interference. "Ryune, you are earnest and kind, and I am grateful for such a gesture. However, I feel there are a few questions about me you might wish to answer before you get too far ahead of yourself."

"I...what do you mean?" Ryune asked, not expecting pushback from her offer.

"Oh, Ryune. Do you know my favorite color? My favorite snack? Whether I prefer hot or cold, or if I enjoy the sounds of birds in the trees or rain upon the ground?" Sphene shook her head. "Ryune, you do not know me. You know of me, of who you have seen through the guise of an Endless and fragments of memories, but you do not know me." She pointed a playful finger at Ryune. "You don't know me any more than I know you."

Ryune was taken aback for a moment. It was blindingly obvious now that it had been pointed out, but Sphene was right. She truly had no idea who the person opposite her really was. So far all she knew was that she liked bitter things and had no aspirations of power, which, to her, was quite a good start all things considered. Taking a brief moment to collect her thoughts, Ryune stood straight, putting forth a hand. "Hm, if that's the case, if you would like to, I would be interested in getting to know you, Sphene."

Taking the proffered hand, Sphene replied, "And I, you, Ryune. In this new, strange world I find myself, kind souls are more valuable to me than any kingdom. So, I would be more than happy to accept this as the start of our friendship."

"It's a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure is mine."

[themadmorrigan]

I’m late haha I hope you’re still up for doing this!

13, what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

14, how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

18, Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

39, Share a snippet from a WIP

I'm ALWAYS up for asks!

13. Hmmm. I don't know if it's a common writing tip, per se, but I write to write a little bit every day. Even if it's 2-3 sentences, just so I don't get out of the habit and stop making it a priority (easy, when you have a career and a family and other hobbies on the side). I'm also trying to embrace "finished is better than perfect" but, as a perfectionist, that's been a rough transition.

14. Oh, I'm a hot mess when I write emotional scenes. I cry along with them, and it makes them take forever because when there's strong emotion, my ADHD comes in and tries to shut it all down. Good times, man. Now, I try when possible to draw off of my own experience when writing especially emotional scenes, but sometimes, that's not possible (e.g., I've never died or lost my humanity; thus, I can't fully related to Elain's trauma in a 1:1 way). In those cases, I try to put myself in their shoes and draw from how I would likely react to a similar situation, or something with similar themes (e.g., I've lost myself before - how did it feel to come back from that?).

18. It really depends on the fic! Of Swords and Sorrows didn't get a name until partway through the first chapter, and it came from a line Lucien says in the second chapter. Sic Semper Tyrannis, though, had a name just after I thought of the story at large. (Fun fact, I told a friend about it and they said "heh, sic semper tyrannis" in response - thus, boom. A title.) For City of Gold (which I really, really need to put onto AO3), I knew the title before I ever started the fic - because it was based off of an NPC's journeys to Maztica, and I'd just watched The Fountain, lol.) But yeah - I try to draw on general themes of a fic when I'm naming them, or song lyrics/titles/concepts that feel appropriate or hearken to a place or concept within the story. tl;dr: I come up with titles haphazardly.

39. Hmmmm. OK, it's rough still, but from Chapter 2 of Sic Semper Tyrannis:

She manages to regain control of herself quickly, though. “If we’re glamoured, then we’ll need a password,” she adds. “Or some phrase to use when one of us needs to get a hold of the other. Something like… ‘peas’.”

“Peas?” he snorts. “Who are you, Nyx? Very surreptitious…” His face grows thoughtful then, and she watches as an idea forms and he slowly worries his lower lip with his teeth. “I… actually have a more discreet idea, but I don’t know whether you’d be up for it.”

She merely raises her eyebrows at him as if to say, go on. “Tug on the bond.”

Elain’s reaction is immediate. “No.”

“But it-”

“I said, no.”

There’s a long pause. “You know, you can’t run away from it forever, Elain.”  

Correction, she wants to say. Being immortal, I both can and will. And just as it seems they’ve made headway, they come full circle. 

“We’re not here to discuss it anyway. Stick to business.”

Lucien runs a hand across his face. “No, not until I say this: I’ve been giving you privacy but if it’s the Shadowsinger, just -”

“It’s not - it has nothing to do about him. There is nothing going on between me and-” She falters for a moment and her cheeks pinken. “It doesn’t matter. He has nothing to do with this.”

“Fine - just answer me this, ok? Is it me?”

“We’re about to spend three days together confined to a yacht and this is the discussion you want to have?”

A faint whir sounds from his golden eye while the russet one bores into her. “I think I deserve to know whether I’m to blame for the hell I’ve been dealing with for the last five years, yes.”

Ouch. Elain winced. “Yes-”  His face crumples in real-time. “-and no,” she added. He pauses, mid-breakdown, and returns his gaze to her.

Thanks, @olenvasynyt!

Ask Game!

[life-in-toontown]

That last reblog just made me wanna clarify that I absolutely hate 90% of Disney’s direct-to-video sequels but I do still like Lion King 2, despite having several issues with it.

I admit maybe this is just because I’ve been so deep into the Lion King fandom since I was a kid that disliking TLK 2 despite having so many problems either it just feels impossible lmao.

As for the problems, well first off there’s the one mentioned in the last reblog about how Scar having an heir that isn’t biologically related to him wouldn’t benefit him, but of course you can’t make him Scar’s bio son because that would make Kiara his cousin which means instead of their Love Song being “Upendi” it would instead be “Sweet Home Alabama”.

Also, where did Zira and the Outsiders come from? Yes you could say they were just background lionesses in Mufasa’s pride that remained loyal to Scar but then why weren’t they helping protect Scar once Simba came back and challenged him for the throne? I know the answer is “because the sequel wasn’t planned yet and they were worked on by two separate teams” but STILL, if you’re a person who completely accepts everything in TLK 2 as canon then it’s kinda hard to explain this one.

Also since Scar isn’t Kovu’s father then who is? And when did Zira have time to meet a male lion, mate with him then show her cub to Scar to convince him to let him become his heir? And what about Nuka and Vitani? I have seen a theory that Vitani is actually NALA’S daughter with the implication that the scene where Scar tries to seduce her (which was cut from the movie but used in the Broadway show) had a more horrific ending where Scar impregnated her and somehow Zira ended up adopting her. And while I do love that as a “what if” AU, I don’t consider it canon myself.

Now I’m gonna leave the massive plot holes for now and focus on little character pet peeves that annoyed me:

First of all, Timon and Pumbaa weren’t funny at all in this one. Like they’re one of Disney’s most iconic gay couples comedy duos but they were so “meh” in this. One time I did a screenshot redraw of them to resemble the art style from the first movie and in the description I added a rewrite of ways they could’ve been used better which I’ll link here just for funsies:

And now onto Nala. She was a strong character in the first film, leaving her home by herself to look get help, wasn’t afraid to call Simba out for refusing to go back to Pride Rock, plus she helped fight off the hyenas with the other lionesses. In the sequel? Well she popped a baby out which means now her only character trait is Supportive Wife and Mom. She only showed up to occasionally say “Hey Simba, chill out man, Kiara’s totally gonna be fine, stop worrying” then leave. Yes I know this was a father/daughter story but that doesn’t mean Nala has to be reduced to a robot that’s only capable of repeating phrases letting Simba know things will be fine.

And lastly maybe this one is just me, but I kinda wish Nuka as a tragic character was portrayed more. Yes I know his death scene was absolutely heartbreaking and yes you can tell he was jealous of Kovu getting his mother’s love but he was mainly just goofy comic relief. And I actually don’t mind him having funny moments but idk, I wish the tragic side of him was explored more before his death scene. Idk, maybe this one’s just me lmao.

So after all this you’re probably thinking “Wow are you sure you like Lion King 2? It sounds like you hate everything about it”

And like…I mean…I do but…can’t I also fantasize about how it could be better??

[seven-thewanderer]

oki I’m up and I remembered!! No worries here :3

But first part of the update (yes I’m doing this in parts) is the one I promised to share:

Castor and Pollux!!

And a quick confession: …after I last left my device actually reset itself, and lost everything that wasn’t backed up, and I had lost that previous design I did a sneakpeak of for them…

SO I REMADE IT!! >:3

This is Castor & Pollux in my Strayed!AU!! :3

I kind-of tried to make them bird-like... since I found out their constellation lore while designing them... (Zeus gets even worse everytime I hear about him)

So their designs are slightly swan-inspired (mainly just the cape), but they do have a special thingy that when they vanish, they turn into a swan-like form of light, and zip off faster than most can see

Also, as I had planned to show in a previous design (that got absolutely wiped), Castor has a special lyre, that to our eye has no strings, but it does. I picture the strings each give a small galaxy-colored burst that is only visible around the string for a short-amount-of-time when it's strummed..? Strung? Strammed? idk when he plays it And Pollux has... a club. A full-on club. A club made of asteroid rock. So technically it's a meteoroid I just realized while typing. a Meteoroid Club. that's what she has.

Also I had planned to change their abilities for this au... ...but based on my research it's already accurate-ish

Like look look

"the Dioscuri [which is what the twins are known as together] were regarded as helpers of mankind and held to be patrons of travellers and sailors in particular, who invoked them to seek favourable winds." - this fits Pollux

"They characteristically intervened at the moment of crisis, aiding those who honoured or trusted them" - slight stretch? Idk, but it fits with Castor a bit, and how did he know to intervene? His. Flippin. TELEPETHY!!

So in the end their powers stay XD

However... I also did a bonus from what I promised in that sneak-peak... As I also made...

GEMINI!!

Also I drew 'em with their hood down cus I was strugglin with that hood, they kept looking bald XD and plus I needed to know the hair-shape before guessing how it'd fit in the hood

So ye poofy hair, but actually medium compared to Castor & Pollux's hair lengths

(Also when their hood is on, the two little hair thingies still float above. I forget their name - and I don't trust myself to guess right - but I know it means Idiot Hair)

But yeyeye drawing them was fun!!

(Though I do still wonder: How did Meg/AyyyImmaNinja come up with those designs originally? I know they did research but like. that's amazing. they cooked.)

I just realized they cooked the meal, and I just added my own twist to the recipe So in the end, we both cooked?

(Someone stop me from ever saying someone cooked, I always end up going longer than the phrase is meant to)

(in fact I'll stop myself post over)

[angelholme]

Two worlds

I am pretty much deciding between two worlds at the moment.

It's taken me quite a long time to get to this point, but to be fair I haven't really used tumblr a lot -- mostly just reblogging stuff, very (very) few original posts.

But a part of that is because my most beloved, who also used tumblr, died just over a year ago and part of the reason I was on tumblr, using this account, was because we shared posts with each other and used it to talk sometimes.

My original plan was to move to a new site, and to start writing there. I thought if I could start with a new account, and write there, then I could slowly migrate over there and move away from here.

Unfortunately -- and I cannot believe I am going to write this -- after two days of using the new site I managed to not only get banned from the site, but I got banned in such a way I was responsible for having a new rule written into the operating rules of the site.

Yes -- I did something so bad, so appalling, so heinous that they had to create a new rule just to stop people doing it again.

(If you want to know what it was keep reading under the "read more" tag, otherwise stop when you get to it. It will shock you!)

So now I have to decide on two things -- either to continue here, knowing........ well knowing that it is just me and that it will only ever be me.

Or I create a new account and start over, free from the past. Which I admit I am leaning towards.

I mean I know it will only be me, and only ever be me, but......... well, you get it, right?

I'm going to give it some more thought, and I realise that very few people are reading this so I am almost certainly talking to myself, but I'll follow this up in a few days with my decision.

So apparently the READ MORE tag doesn't work quite like I thought, so here is some "spoiler space"

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My post -- the one that was so appalling that got a new rule added to the site and got me banned after two days -- was writing a cross-over quote from Harry Potter.

Apparently the site admins do not like the author, and do not want anything to with her on the site. Which is fine -- I have no problem with that. I am not a fan of hers either (there is plenty to testify to that on any number of sites). But despite my argument that the fandom has taken ownership of the stories, of the fanfiction and so on, apparently the site admit doesn't want anything from the world of potter either. It was "an implicit rule" that isn't mentioned anywhere and because I broke it it was then made an explicit rule.

Now here's the thing -- I write a lot of Harry Potter fanfiction. Writing it is as vital to me as breathing. And talking about the series, referencing the series, talking about the fiction, talking about the characters, quoting the series....... it just comes naturally to me. I do it without thinking.

The idea that I could spend more than two days -- two hours on a site and not reference it? No. It's just not going to happen.

So when I was told it was against the rules to even mention it, my immediate response was "how do I delete my account?" and because of that I was banned.

Now I'm sure you have an opinion as to whether this was my fault, or their fault, or both our faults, but I just want to make it clear I expressed no support for the author or any of her points of view. They are...... appalling, repugnant and I have nothing but contempt and loathing for them.

This was entirely about my...... my right, for want of a better phrase, to be who I am. Which is kind of ironic, given the reason I was banned.

[nathank77]

7/27/24

3 p.m Edited/Added to

I do think it's you but I can't be delusional and assume it means you're in love with me. I want to believe. All the coincidences. There are so many. I wish I didn't have psychosis. It makes me think I'm looking for something. That's the problem cause it's rational to believe that you have feelings for me. It's also rational to believe that all the coincidences are exactly that coincidences and that my brain wants to create an intricate web that forms meaning. Meaning to stick around through this hell and fight this illness..

I don't want to die. I don't want to kill myself. The core of my being wants to fight but then I look around and all I've got is this body that I love. And the person that I am. And I look everywhere else and everything else says there isn't a fucking point, your brain is broken fucked up anatomy that will never recover and look at, "your people."

And then I think but there will never be another Nathan. Not this Nathan and I love myself.

And my brain doesn't want to die. I don't want to die. Yea I feel a disconnection from my brain cause it calls me my birth name every single day and it talks. I feel a disconnection from it entirely. I don't identify with the voice or the broken pieces.

I identify with my body. With my image. With the good and bad parts of me. I identify with the vessel per-say but not the broken anatomy. I feel a disconnection between my soul and my anatomy and a connection all at the same time.

I don't want to die, so is it rational to assume that my brain even with psychosis especially with psychosis wants to give me a delusional belief pattern that is believable based on external factual circumstances? Yes it is.

The voice never wanted me to kill myself. It always told me to stop before I pulled the trigger. It even said only 500000000000000000000000000000 times I don't want you to kill yourself. The I don't want you to kill yourself was clear as day. The many times it stopped me, the sound of the voice and it "guiding" me to stop and not kill myself was clear as day. As it also pushed me to the ledge. That's the fucked part. Cause it also pushed me to the ledge yet told me not to do it.

The voice was so fixated on you-why? You'd be a fool to think that the idea of Elise Blanchette wasn't the reason I didn't kill myself in October and November. I didn't love myself then. I did before then. I was terrified. Fucking terrified at the beginning.

And the only thing that kept me here during those months was the idea of Elise Blanchette. Then through the months of November to Feb when you changed something, that idea helped keep me here.

The voice only calls you Elisa and it used to call you that and Elise Blanchette. It said when it had more of a voice, "I call her Elisa bc she may never talk to you and you may hear Elisa for the rest of your life."

When Feb happened Elise Blanchette died. It didn't say it anymore idk what it turned into cause it had to turn into some other word or phrase. All I know is it only said elisa when I thought about you and mostly just, "you're thinking about Elisa" cause it always wants to play off my thoughts and make me hallucinate more and shit.

I got a lot of reasons to believe it was you and it's not delusional. A LOT of reasons.

Yet as much as I want to die I don't want to die and Elise Blanchette saved me. Just the idea of her with no follow through. That's why I made it to December.

So that's where I stand I truly believe you're here but when I say it could be an intricate web to keep me alive. It really could. That love story kept me breathing. That made up love story is why I'm here typing this right now.

[demxnicprxncess]

Love your writing! It hits the spot every time!

My friend I are both catholic and we finished watching cult and we’re both simping hard for Kai..

Would you write a smut about Kai taking you into a confession booth?? 🙏🏻 pleeeease❤️

Taglist: @kitwalkersgfff, @yes-divine-ruler, @quicksilversg1rl, @charsdunkis, @eddiemunsonsbitch69, @dahmevan, @sultrysullen, @kaylaperiodqueenslay , @fuckedbykai , @mykie-way , @bxbyalixo , dm me to be added or removed dears.

warnings: Church sex, Kai Anderson, blasphimy? Erases the whole cult plot.

Confess.| Kai andersonxfem!reader

My simple sundress flowed just beneath my knees, it would be wrong to say this but at least it wasn't a lie, I loved my priest. Kai Anderson. He was kind, gentle, and spoke with no hesitation. He always got what he wanted as well. Anyways, I got to the church and headed into the confession booth getting comfortable before speaking, "Father forgive fore I have sinned." I could feel myself getting more and more aroused at the idea of having to spill this information to him. "This is a place of confession not judgement, tell me... what is it that you did dear." I looked down to the ground, "I acted in adultry" I don't know if I was just horny but I swear his voice got deeper, and even more sultry, almost as if he was horny. "So, you're unpure, washed of your innocence?" I could only feel hotter, I'm not sure if it's for sin or anything but I got hot. "I don't do this, but come over here please?" I swiftly stood and made my way over to him, "Yes father?" He looked at me with dark eyes and pulled my dress up, "You're a sinner baby, do you feel bad?" I looked down and shook my head no. "He filled me up so well, I felt so good father, he made me feel so happy." I might have missed it but he looked jealous, really jealous. I felt him yank my panties down and slid his fingers across my slit, "You're so wet after just reminising on how he felt." He pulled his dick out and it was incredibly hard, not to mention long. Longer than the one I had the previous night. "Fath-" "That's a major turn-off, just call me daddy" I felt so unholy but grabbed his dick and nodded obediently, his cock throbbing in my grasp. He lifted me up onto his waist and lined himself up with my entrance, "This- This is so wro-" He thrusted up into me silencing the words that almost spilled from my mouth. I couldn't resist wrapping my fingers into his hair and sticking my mouth to his while he worked his hips into mine, my back arching as I whined and whimpered small phrases of "I'm going to hell" and "Don't stop." I could feel myself stretch beyond what I felt last night, I swear I feel him in my stomach while he fucks into me aggressively. "Daddy..." "Hm?" His hands gripped at the flesh of my ass and left behind small marks as he did making me mewl in pure bliss, "May- fucking A- may I cum?" He smiled at me making my walls tighted around him, earning a nice loud groan of appreciation from him, "Go ahead. And once you finish, I'm gonna pump you full of my cum angel." I felt my body shake and tremble at his thrust, his moans, his face, and my orgasm. My world was revolving around him and the idea of being pumped full of his kids. As my orgasm came crashing down on me I felt my legs loosen from around his waist to which he only held onto my ass and thighs tighter. With one final sloppy thrust and a loud animalistic grunt he released his seed into me making me moan at my own accord. His thrust slowed down and his once dominant moans turned into whimpers and he started placing kisses on my neck, hickeys and then pecks so gentle it was cute. He set me down and look down at me, "Go and repent child. I shall do the sa-" I ended his words by placing a well needed kiss to his lips and wrapped my arms around his neck, "I've been waiting for that father."

lord help me •_●

@fuckedbykai heres your special story love.

[disasterarea-podcast]

Okay, wow, so a bunch of new people followed me. Hi! *waves shyly*

So just for a little Podcast 101 introduction:

My name is Jennifer and I’ve been doing this podcast since the very last day of 2015. I’m a neurodivergent bisexual with a very cute beagle mix named Professor Pancakes. I like road trips, gay romance novels, and little crafty things like paint by numbers kits and mini DIY dollhouses. My personal Tumblr is @trollprincess.

Each episode of the podcast is focused on one disaster in particular, although I do sometimes stretch one disaster over multiple episodes if necessary. For example, not long ago I covered the Grenfell Tower fire, which took three episodes. I’ve also covered tangentially related emergency organizations and groups like care teams and the RNLI.

I wish I could say I get an episode out a week, but I have two other jobs, one full-time on the weekends and one part-time during the week, so episodes come out when they come out. To get them early, I have a Patreon for the podcast which can be found at the link below. I post episodes there as soon as I record them, and they’re also ad-free there.

My definition of “disaster” is pretty broad. I will cover anything from shipwrecks and plane crashes to financial disasters (“Cats” the movie is on my request list) to DashCon. Yes, I did an episode on DashCon. I couldn’t resist. (It’s episode 132, fyi.)

As an addendum to that, I also cover mass shootings. (It’s my podcast, I make the rules.) The rule for me on covering mass shootings is that the shooter’s name will only be mentioned once, if that, and that each victim will be named if possible.

As an addendum to THAT, disasters and tragedies can be very difficult subject matter. Please understand that episodes may feature death and destruction and decide accordingly if listening to each episode will be good for you and your mental health. I provide more specific trigger warnings at the start of each episode if necessary, but I will completely understand if a new episode is not something you’re comfortable listening to and you’d rather go watch Taskmaster or something.

There will be mentions of politics in episodes, but very much because emergency declarations, evacuations, regulations, etc. are an important part of disaster response. I also talk about mental health a lot, both for my own sake and to normalize talking about it. Like I said, difficult subject matter.

I am not a conspiracy theory sort of person. Don’t expect me to use the phrase “false flag” with anything other than sarcastic disdain.

You don’t have to start at the first episode! Honest. The first episodes of a podcast are almost a mess with people trying to find their footing, and this one is not any different. I’m not perfect, and I make mistakes, but I’m totally up for correcting myself if I screw up.

Every hundredth episode I cover a fictional disaster like a real one. Episode 100 was the attack on Nakatomi Plaza, and Episode 200 was the events aboard Trans American Flight 209. I’ve got a while before I decide what to do for episode 300.

Episodes I’d recommend: I’m very proud of episode 170 about United 93 (I read and watch everything I can get my hands on about 9/11, but I don’t plan to cover the whole event on the podcast because with the way I cover disasters, it’d be twenty episodes long at LEAST). I also very much recommend Episode 72 on the “Twilight Zone: The Movie” helicopter crash, mostly because someone told me to stop mentioning American movies so much so I did a whole episode in which I mentioned as many movie set disasters as possible. I’m also absurdly proud of myself for the Chernobyl series, because I never did finish the AIDS series and I learned I very much could pull it off. (I did mispronounce roentgen, but that’s on me.)

If you listen to older episodes, I have taken requests in the past but I am currently on hold with those because my request list right now is at 62 disasters. (Yes, including “Cats”.) So give it a little bit and let me get a few more done and we’ll see if we can start those back up again. 🙂

Thanks so much for being here!

[lubdubsworld]

⋆⋆✵ Perfect Imperfections ✵⋆⋆

Chapter 1

Genre : Arranged Marriage AU! Angst! Explicit Sexual Content.

Rating : 21+

Warnings : Ableism , Chronic disability. OC has limited use of her left leg, Emotional infidelity? Mild Cheating ( nothing very physical.. a kiss or so )

Summary : Marrying Jungkook is a mistake. Falling in love with him? Definitely the worst exercise in masochism .

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2

No one tells you how easy it is to imagine yourself in love with a beautiful man. Especially when you don’t have a clear understanding of what love actually is. 

When I met Jungkook, even knowing he was in love with my sister hadn’t done much to douse the flames of hope and attraction. He was a lot of things that other men in my life weren’t. Kind without being pitying. Concerned without being overbearing. He took care of me without making me feel helpless. And there was always such a thin line between these things that I found myself impressed by his ability to toe the line so well.

Jungkook took care of me without making me feel like a burden and I suppose, some part of me had assumed that this could, in due time turn into love. But I was clearly wrong.

Jungkook and Liza had been kissing in the hallway of their hotel room and someone had taken pictures. My father and his had managed to get them taken down but the news was already out, spreading like wildfire . My phone began ringing sometime around eight in the morning and hadn’t stopped. It was now a little past one in the afternoon and I felt queasy, despite the assurances that it was all being taken care of.

It was the pity in everyone’s face that I couldn’t bear.

I wasn’t hurt. Angry, yes? Upset? Of course. But I wasn’t hurt because there really was nothing to be hurt about. Jungkook didn’t love me. He was in love with my sister . He had made it clear, through his words and his actions, over and over again. At this point, I could see this debacle as nothing more than a possible way to get out of the marriage. Perhaps, my father would approve of a divorce?

I glanced at the article again.

The photo is just so annoyingly clear, I thought with a grimace. If it was a little blurry, I could convince myself it wasn’t him and her. But it was clear. That was my husband with his lips locked with my sister’s. Against my better judgment, I read the article again. It was a gossip column, of course there would be nothing good in there. But sometimes curiosity can be a persistent thing.

I felt my skin crawling as I realized that the phrases were all pretty true. There was no gossip here. Just plain facts.

And then my eyes reached the end of the article.

Of note is the fact that Jeon Jungkook’s wife is disabled and perhaps the virile young man is merely looking for pleasure he can’t find in his own marital bed.

I swallowed, quickly exiting the page and tossing the phone on the bed, away from me. I stared out of the window of our bedroom, the large doors left open to let air and sunlight in. There was a tall sycamore tree right outside out bedroom and the branches almost reached in and I stared at the rustling leaves, trying to scrub my mind clean of the words I’d just read.

But it was impossible.

It wasn’t something I hadn’t thought of. The stark difference between me and Jungkook, physically. He spent five days a week in the gym and they were right. He was a young man with healthy sexual appetites.

I’d never cheat on you. Jungkook’s voice from a week ago still echoed somewhere inside my skull.

I sighed, playing with my wedding ring.

I wasn’t a virgin when I married Jungkook. Hadn’t been one , when I got into the accident either. My then boyfriend, a tall strapping lit major had been a very sexual guy as well and our libidos had matched pretty well. But I’d been an athletic nineteen year old, able to bend like a pretzel at his whim and there was just endless time and endless stamina and just a whole lot of attraction . We had spent hours, exploring each other the way college kids do. Weekends in bed spent trying every possible permutation of sex positions and kinks and I’d discovered all the things I liked. All the things I didn’t.

But then the accident had happened and well, when you’re in crippling agony, sometimes sex takes the backseat. I’d been focused on my recovery, on making sure that I came out of this at least with the ability to walk and I’d succeeded. Burying the part of me that craved a man’s touch, it wasn’t easy but it was necessary.

And then Jungkook had happened.

Sex with Jungkook hadn’t been difficult. Not really. I wasn’t completely crippled after all but it was also nowhere near as exciting as it could be with someone who had full use of her legs. I knew that. It was kind of obvious. But I hadn’t dwelt too much on it because to be honest, Jungkook hadn’t looked like he’d minded. He had seemed to enjoy himself .

But then reading about how he probably hadn’t enjoyed it definitely stung.

Worse yet, probably half the country was reading it with me. I felt nauseous. Did no one think that they should have left the last part out of that article? It was terrible enough without adding that bit about me.

A faint buzzing made me turn to the bed.

I glanced at my phone as it rang, my father in law’s name prominent on the screen.

Showtime, I thought with a grimace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I suppose it was too much to hope for , expecting that boy  to keep his dignity. This is outrageous.” Mr. Jeon’s loud voice rang through the foyer of the house and I flinched, gripping the edge of the futon as Sana jumped a bit . She sat next to me, holding my hand carefully. Moral support I supposed but I was feeling entirely too blasé about the whole thing. None of this was unexpected, I thought miserably and I wasn’t feeling up to pretending otherwise.

“I still wish they’d talked to me about this.”

My brother in law’s voice broke me out of my thoughts. The man looked like he’d been dragged through hell and back and I felt a pang of genuine sympathy. He looked wrecked and it was obvious she was in love with my sister. Resentment coiled thick and deep inside me. Resentment and envy.

With no effort at all she had charmed both the Jeon brothers, I thought bitterly.

Jeon Jihyun looked absolutely stricken at the thought of losing his wife.  

“I’ve asked Lisa to take the first flight out. She called me this morning, hysterical. It was something done in the heat of the moment. She .. She’s very apologetic. I believe her and I’m willing to forgive her. We’re…. We’re thinking of starting a family together. ” He said softly and my stomach turned.

I felt my skin go ice cold as I wrapped my arms around myself. Shivering just a bit, I lightly squeezed Sana’s hand. She looked at me in askance and I had to swallow to get my voice out, throat dry. The words made me want to retch. I could imagine how Jungkook would take this news.

“Can you get me my shawl? It’s in the green room.” I said hoarsely.  She bowed before moving away from me and when I looked back up, Jihyun’s gaze caught mine.

“This must be hard on you.” He said softly and I flushed, staring down at my knees.

“Not like I can run from it. Literally or figuratively.” I smiled without mirth.

“Jungkook is …he’s just confused. He needs some time to sort himself out. I’ve asked him to take a break and come back to Seoul after a couple of weeks. The separation would do him some good.” Jihyun said quietly and I sighed before nodding. What else was I supposed to say to that anyway? There wasn’t much I could do, my influence on things almost nonexistent at this point.

“Are you going to give the boy a break, Jeon?” My father demanded, staring at Jungkook’s father who sighed.

“Yes. I’ve been trying to get these damned reporters off our back. They’re all over the place. And yes, I think Jungkook should stay in Japan for a while.  We’re starting a new distribution branch there and I wanted him to scout places and possible vendors. I’ll tell him to hash out all the details before coming back.”

His phone rang again and he excused himself . I watched him leave the room, trying to make sense of his words.

How long would it take to build a whole branch in Japan? I had no clue. But it could hardly be done in a few weeks, could it?

“That’s.. That’s a long time.” I said hesitantly and my father frowned.

“is that a problem?” he asked.

I sighed. There was no point keeping this to myself. I was supposed to go to the doctor’s tomorrow. And well, it would be better if they heard it from me first.

“I.. I’m pregnant.” I said quietly.

The silence that followed was deafening. I stared at the carpet, not able to bring myself to look up at them. I could guess, what I’d find there. It was what I always found in people’s faces.

“Oh, sweet child.” My father’s sigh made me look up and there it was. The pity. I felt sick to my stomach. Sana returned, settling the hand knit shawl over my shoulders and I wrapped it tight, before glancing at her in some desperation. She smiled reassuringly, settling next to me and gently taking my fingers in hers. The warmth grounded me for a second and when Jihyun growled, I stared at him.

“I… I didn’t know. Fuck, I’m going to kill Jungkook. This fucker…” Jihyung swore and my father sighed, clearly thinking hard.

“you can’t be staying alone now.” He said softly, sitting up and cracking his knuckles, and I swallowed. I wouldn’t bear it if they tried to take me back home. I had hated it there.

“ You must come back home with me.” He said softly but I quickly shook my head.

“ No.. No I won’t. I … Please.” I begged, the mere idea of going back to my childhood home a nightmare. My mother would kill me with just her sharp and vindictive words. I was in no shape to put up with her verbal and emotional abuse. It was one of the things that had made me agree to marry Jungkook in the first place.

“Well, you can’t stay here by yourself.” My father protested. I’ve been by myself my whole damn life, I wanted to scream.

“I’ll be fine. I have Sana and the others to help me.” I said tiredly. My father shook his head before turning to Jihyun again.

“Is Namjoon still working on his book?” My father asked him and Jihyun frowned. The name elicited a tug in my memory and I turned to stare at my father, confused.

“You remember him? He used to tutor you when you were hi High School.”

I had a brief flashback to dimples and almond shaped eyes. I remembered him vaguely. Very vaguely. But nowhere well enough to want him to live with me, alone or not.  

“Dad…” I protested but he held a hand up to silence me, nodding at Jihyun .

“Namjoon? Kim Namjoon? ” He shook his head. “ I’m not sure. Why?”

“I think it would be good if he moves in here. His father was telling me that he was looking for a place to stay, now that he’s moved back to Korea. ” My father said softly, staring at me and I stiffened.

“Father…” I began desperately and my father shook his head.

“Don’t argue. He was a dear friend of yours. I don’t think you should be alone at a time like this. And I think Jungkook would approve. Like Jihyun said, the kid needs some space to sort himself out. Let him finish whatever business is going on in Japan.” My father glanced at Mr. Jeon who looked at me with guilt.

“I owe you an apology , on behalf of my idiot son.”

I looked away, not sure what to say to that. I hated the man quite passionately. Jungkook wasn’t perfect… far from it. But this man had taken a sledgehammer to my husband’s mind and heart at every turn. The disdain, the condescension, the sick way he favored his brother over him, the way nothing Jungkook did was ever good enough. It had all taken a toll on my husband. I had watched it chip away at Jungkook’s self confidence, at his mental health.

“I think more than anything, you owe an apology to your son. You knew he was in love with Lisa and yet…. You forced him to marry me.” I said quietly and the room went eerily quiet. My father rounded on me , eyes blazing.

“Leah!!! Apologize, now!” He roared and I looked away.

“You’re all the same. Ungrateful and entitled.” Mr. Jeon said sharply, before turning to his son. “ I’m leaving Jihyun-ah. Tell me when that wife of yours get home. I want to talk to her.”

He shared a half hug with my father before stalking off and my father grabbed his jacket as well.

“I’ll leave as well. Your mother is being quite hysterical. Apparently, all her friends are hounding her about the article.” He sighed and I nodded , watching him shrug on the jacket before nodding at Jihyun and then following his friend out to the front doors.

Jihyun stayed standing , watching my father’s form disappear through the door before turning to me.

“ Are you alright?” He said quietly, moving to kneel in front of me. Sana stood up, bowing before leaving and I watched her disappear into the hallway leading to the kitchens. Jihyun’s fingers wrapped around mine, brushing my knees and I stared down at him.

“The question is, are you alright?” I brushed the hair off his face. He sighed.

“No. No I’m not. I’m angry and jealous and very much filled with resentment towards my brother.” He said honestly and I laughed, tugging on his hand and patting the seat next to me. He straightened before moving to settle next to me and I leaned on his shoulders, sighing as he wrapped on around me, the warmth of his body comforting .

“Are you going to give your marriage a chance?” I asked carefully.

“She told me she was going to break things off for good. We.. We’ve been talking about it. Starting a family, making this work.” He said quietly. I nodded. It was understandable. Unlike Jungkook and I , Jihyun had a responsibility. He would need a son and even though people liked to act like they didn’t care much about gender, like they didn’t care much about having children , it was sort of an unspoken rule. First son of the house ? You had to have a male heir to carry the family name.

I wondered how that conversation had gone between Jungkook and Lisa. It didn’t really match the photo I’d seen.

“I suppose Jungkook probably put up a fight. He genuinely wants to end up with her. He… He tells me often that he loves her and can’t love anyone else. ” I wondered if I ought to feel embarrassed or insulted.

But the truth was, I was numb to a lot of things that had once hurt quite a lot..

The conversation with Jungkook about my pregnancy had definitely cleared things up for me. There was nothing there worth salvaging. Chasing something that wasn’t real , that was foolishness. Especially when I had a very real baby to think about. A child that counted on me to make the right choices.

“I don’t think he did. She spoke to me last night and said that he agreed. Of course that was before the article came out. I’d like to think she didn’t lie to me but I’m not sure.”

I sighed, settling in closer to his chest. He was warm and firm, solid and reliable. I wondered if it would have been easier, if my father had just married me off to Jihyun instead. Jihyun and I …we were alike. We had been friends , even from childhood. Had watched with fond adoration as our younger siblings had fallen madly, wildly in love. Jungkook and Liza had been drawn to each other from the first. Inevitable.

Jihyun and I were more carefree. We didn’t feel things that intensely and perhaps that was why we could sit here in the calm of the afternoon air, quiet and introspective when we ought to be furious and raging.

“ Should we run off together? You and i?” He said suddenly making me laugh.

“Very much incapable of running.” I reminded him with a grin and he squeezed my shoulder .

“I’d carry you.” He said simply.

“Where would we go?” I asked curiously, indulging the fantasy for just a few minutes.

“Somewhere far away. Maybe India? There’s so many people there and we could get lost in the crowds.”

“That does sound appealing.” I smiled and turned to look up at him. His face inches from mine, not as handsome as Jungkook but strong featured and kind. “ But I’m not alone anymore. I have a child.”

His gaze dipped to my lap.

“Yes. Jungkook’s child.” He said thoughtfully.

“No. Mine. Nobody else’s . Just mine.” I said quietly. Jihyun’s gaze softened. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, echoing his father’s words.” On behalf of my idiot brother, I’m sorry.”

And where Mr. Jeon’s words hadn’t made any sort of impact, Jihyun’s made my heart clench and ache in the worst way. Self pity was something I loathed but sometimes, being handed the short end of the stick at every turn in life makes it impossible to not feel sorry for yourself.

Tears stung, welling up in my eyes and spilling over my lashes like water bubbling out of an aquifer.

I blinked slowly, not bothering to wipe them as they traced a path down my face, dripping into the fabric of my shawl. In a moment of clarity I wondered what Jungkook must be going through now. Nothing good for sure.

It definitely said something, that I still worried for him. Sighing, I let Jihyun hug me closer. I would take advantage of his kindness for a few more minutes. It had been a while since someone had held me like I mattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I called Jungkook that evening.

It wasn’t an easy choice but my heart ached and my mind raced with unanswered questions. I didn’t want to get lost in my own thoughts so I didn’t overthink it. We were still married. I was allowed to call him.

He picked up on the third ring.

“Where are you?” I asked quietly and Jungkook’s groan made my face heat up a little.

“I… Leah?” He sounded groggy. I glanced at the time. It wasn’t late.

“Are you sleeping?”

He didn’t reply for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry about what happened. We.. We didn’t do anything else. It was just.. it was a kiss. Just that.”

“Are you still in the hotel?” I asked quietly ignoring his words.

“ For tonight, yes. Dad wants me to stay with a friend of his. I’ll be going over to their place tomorrow morning.” He replied .

Silence followed for a few seconds.

“Namjoon is moving in tomorrow.” I said stiffly.

Jungkook didn’t respond for a minute or so.

“Yes. Father said it’s a good idea. And I agree. You shouldn’t be alone while I’m here. He’s right. Hyung’s a nice guy. He’ll help you out.” Jungkook said softly.

“Liza came home. She wanted to talk to me.” I said quietly.

Jungkook didn’t reply and I sighed.

“I told her I wasn’t going to talk to her before I talked to you. I don’t… I don’t want to say anything to her that I haven’t already said before. But I still want to know your thoughts on all this. Your plans, that is. I take it you weren’t happy with her ending things.” I said stiltedly.

Jungkook didn’t reply for a few seconds.

“Things between us ended a long time ago, Leah. It was over when we both agreed to marry other people. Maybe even before that, I don’t know… I … I guess I just didn’t want to acknowledge them.” He said quietly. “ She’s different, now. Even that kiss felt so wrong.  She’s moving on. I’m glad in a way. She deserves better than me. She deserves someone like hyung. He’s better than me in everyway and-”

God I wanted to strangle him.

“So why did you kiss her?” I snapped. “ If you’re so generously letting her go why would you…” I stopped.

“I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me. It was barely for a second.” He muttered. “ whoever it was must’ve been videoing us for a while.”

I had to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, this little detail made no difference.

“Right.” I sighed. “ So, you won’t be home for a while?”

“Six weeks at least.” He said quietly.

I tried to keep the disappointment down. I still wanted to see him, just to make sure he was okay. But I knew that was just the pregnancy hormones talking.

“Okay.” I said simply.

“How are you? Did you go see the doctor?” He asked softly and the question surprised me. I was half sure he had forgotten.

“No, not yet. Maybe in a couple of days.” I scratched at a small stain on my skirt. Lime juice and baking soda, I thought absently. That should get the stain out.  

“Its pretty late. You should go see the doctor, Leah. I.. I looked stuff up. They say you have to be on pre natal vitamins, folic acid and iron supplements  and you have to have  a balanced diet. I called Sana earlier and told her to speak to our doctor and get a diet chart for you. She said she’ll do it soon. So , please take care of yourself.”

Jungkook sounded entirely serious and as always my brain felt muddled, unable to process why he did the things he did. He had looked things up about the pregnancy and that implied some sort of interest, didn’t it? But ….. he had also kissed my sister so what was I supposed to do with this?

“I’ll call you.” I said shakily, drained. I was done for the day.

“Right.” He said softly. “ Namjoon hyung will be there tomorrow right? Should I talk to him? He could take you to the doctor.”

“No.. That’s fine. I’ll manage.” I said quickly.

“You’re sure?” There was genuine worry there.

“Yes.” I sighed.

“Alright.”

Silence again. I exhaled shakily.

“Should I hang up?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah. Good night. ” He breathed.

“Good night, Jungkook.”

Click.

I stared at the wall, gently lowering the phone and placing it on the bed next to me.

She deserves better than me, his voice echoed in my head.

Well, so did I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Namjoon looked nothing like the twenty one year old college student I’d seen a decade ago. I knew he was a successful novelist and I’d read all his books. They were mostly philosophical or commentaries on life and emotions. I enjoyed the way he wrote : melancholic and deep but also clear and easy to understand. It was like staring at a particularly deep pool, being able to see all the way down to the bottom because of how clean the waters were. But once you put your feet in, the depth  always surprised you.

“That’s a lot of books.” I laughed, gripping the edge of the door frame as I watched him stumble under the weight of a crate full of bound books. Namjoon’s messy brown hair peeked over the top, and when he adjusted the huge load to stare at me, I caught sight of his handsome face stretched in a dimpled grin, eyes glinting.

“Research.” He grunted, straightening himself up and I watched the flex of his muscles as he carefully moved to place the crate down in one corner of the large bedroom that I’d had cleaned for him. It was on the west wing of the house, parallel to my own bedroom that I shared with Jungkook . Namjoon had spent three years working as a professor somewhere in Indonesia. And I knew that he’d spent a year backpacking all over Scandinavia. I stared at his tall strapping figure, watching him set up his writing space carefully, sorting out boxes and electronics.

He had driven here in his Range Rover and I knew all his clothes were still there in the back of the car.

“Should I ask the footmen to get your clothes?” I asked and he glanced up at me, frowning.

“Footmen?” He looked confused and I rolled my eyes.

“Namjoon…” I said chidingly and he grinned again.

“I keep forgetting you’re filthy rich. Makes me wish I should have beaten Jungkook to the game and bagged myself a rich wife.” He winked. It was a joke but there was no mistaking the hint of interest in his eye. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. Being married to Jungkook had definitely made me question the attraction I held for men so it felt good, having someone as handsome and whole and successful as Namjoon look at me like that.

“I’ll ask them to get your clothes. You should shower and settle in. We’ll meet for dinner tonight.” I said quickly and he nodded.

“You’re going to be okay heading back to your room? Let me know if you need help.” He pointed at my feet and I nodded. It was sweet of him to offer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner was surprisingly not awkward at all. Namjoon had a lot of interesting stories to share and I found myself clinging to ever word in rapt attention. He spoke about all the folklore he’d run into in different places, how he thought that no matter the culture, there were always some common things you could find in every one of them. He also talked a little about his next book, which he hadn’t named yet.

“It’s about second chances. Forgiving and moving on.” He said, taking another bite of his braised pork and moving to make another lettuce wrap.

“ Heavy stuff.” I said thoughtfully. “ Most of my writing is commercial. I just try to sell stuff to reluctant people. It’s not much but it keeps me occupied and it’s always nice to make money that you can call your own.”

“It’s because you don’t write for yourself. When you start writing for yourself, you can truly be who you are.” He said firmly and I nodded in agreement.

My writing in college had been vivid and bright and filled with life. But after the accident, it had turned grey and gloomy. The words seemed to drip with loss and longing and  I didn’t enjoy it, because it was a reminder that I was no longer the vibrant, attractive fulsome girl I once was.

“Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of.” I smiled. “ Being who I am. I would rather pretend I’m at least a little alright.”

Namjoon stared at me, thoughtful.

“You used to run track.” He said softly and I grinned.

“You remember.” I said, pleased.

“Of course I do and you were captain of the volleyball team as well. You used to organize all those hikes and treks and stuff.”

“Yes I did. I loved the outdoors.” I stared out of the window.

“Loved? Past tense?” He tilted his head. I stared at him, shaking my head.

“What kind of question is that.” I shook my head. “ Look at me. I’m not trekking anytime soon, considering how the last time ended.”

“You can still go out.” He frowned. “ When was the last time you went somewhere?”

I shook my head.

“Oppa…”

“Listen. You know me. You’ve known me for more than a decade. Do you honestly think I’m going to let you rattle around this old house like a ghost when you should be out there taking in all the sunshine you can get?” Namjoon placed his chopsticks down and linked his fingers together, staring at me.

I stared at him, and it was definitely there. The concern, the affection. Not that different from when I was sixteen and struggling to understand what pathos meant.

But now there was a definite undercurrent of attraction. Back then it had been childish, the wild crush of a teenager on her hot tutor but now, now I knew that he was so much more than just a hot guy.

“I’m pregnant.” I said softly, more a reminder to myself than anything else.

Namjoon grinned.

“We’ll steer clear of horse riding and alcohol. Anything else you can just let me know.”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“I think I’m getting one now.” I deadpanned.

“Because you’re nervous.” He grinned.

“Because your dimples look too adorable.” I retorted.

He laughed.

“I’ll talk to Jihyun and we’ll go see your doctor first. Then we’ll go out and have  a nice picnic.”

“Namjoon, I can’t…”

“You don’t know that.” He said firmly.” You don’t know if you can or can’t because you’ve never tried. Listen I love picnics and I love going out and I want company. I’m agreeing to be stuck with you for a while and the least you can do is  give me company at a picnic. You know how big a loser I’d seem like if I went by myself?”

It was like I was sixteen again getting brow beaten into things by a tutor who just hated the idea of not getting his way. I shook my head fondly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fourteen weeks. Three and a half months.

I stared at the ultrasound, feeling a multitude of things, not all of them good. The baby was growing well and I had all my prescriptions filled. Namjoon had offered to come with me but I had refused. It was too intimate and he was still a stranger. I did take a photo of the ultrasound and sent it to Jungkook.

/Jungkook called me back almost at once.

“You went to the doctor?” He asked, sounding a little breathless.

“Were you running?” I asked, surprised.

“Not really. I’m supposed to be meeting one of the vendors for lunch and I thought I could walk to the restaurant but its farther than I thought.” He huffed.

“Everything’s fine. Baby’s due in July.” I said quietly.

“Summer. That’s good.” He replied. “Right?”

I hesitated. What did that mean? What did it matter when the baby would be born?

“Because winter would mean it being too cold . Summer we can take the baby out and stuff without worrying too much.” Jungkook said softly.

Oh.

“How’s work?” I asked awkwardly. The non conversation was getting tedious. There was just so much to talk about and it was obvious that both of us weren’t in the mood to actually ask or answer anything worthwhile.

“Did dad say something?” Jungkook asked quickly and I frowned.

“No. Why?”

“He wants me to join hyung in the corporate office. Leave the smelter units.” Jungkook sounded subdued and upset and I felt sympathy well inside me.

“Join him? As what?” I asked quietly.

“Head of the marketing department. I’ll be reporting to Seokjin hyung.” Jungkook had clearly started walking again, breath coming in little exhales.

“You don’t want it?” I asked confused, not sure if this was a good or bad thing.

“I mean… I have a degree in Business and Finance. Hyung’s the CEO , I was hoping I’d be the CFO.” Jungkook sighed, “ But I suppose I should be grateful he didn’t disown me altogether after what happened earlier.”

I stayed quiet and so did he.

“We need to talk . When you get back. You … I know you don’t like sharing about what you feel but you owe me an explanation.” I said firmly.

“I know. But I meant what I said when I left. I’m going to be there for you and the baby. You’re still my wife. That’s not going to change.”

I ran my fingers over the ultrasound.

“Did you also mean the part where you said you can’t stand me.” I said bitterly .

Jungkook didn’t reply.

“I… You know I didn’t. That was just something I said on impulse. I’m sorry. You’re… You’ve been nothing but good to me. And honestly, just the fact that you’re carrying my child is proof that I can definitely stand you.” He sounded just a little hoarse.

I bit my lips, staring up at the door when I heard a knock.

“Leah? I’m going to have some tea in the garden … You wanna come with?” Namjoon’s voice rang through the room and I froze.

“Oh.. Oh.. yes. I’ll be down.” I said quickly, nodding . Namjoon pointed at the phone and gave to thumbs up before moving back out.

“Was that Namjoon hyung?” Jungkook’s voice came over the line.

“Oh… yeah. Yeah, he’s… he wants me to have tea with him in the gardens.” I said awkwardly.

“That’s nice.  You should go. Get out of the house once in a while.” I didn’t know what to say to that so I stayed quiet.

After another minute or so of silence, Jungkook cleared his throat.

“ I got that form you sent in for me to fill, about my medical history. I’ll fill it up and mail it to the doctor’s office. Is that alright?” He asked hesitantly. “ If not I can fly back home. If they need me in person or something.”

I frowned a bit.

“They don’t need you in person, Jungkook of course not. Mail it, that’s fine.”

Another pause.

“This is really happening huh? A baby. We’re having a baby.” The exhaustion in his voice was palpable and I wondered.

“Yes. We are.” I said simply, not having anything else to elaborate on. It was happening. I was torn between pleasure at having something to look forward to and guilt at forcing Jungkook into a role he wasn’t ready for. But , for better or for worse we were married. The child was his. It would be a Jeon.

“ I’ll do better.” He said quietly. “ With the little one. I’ll be better.”

Tears these days, sprung up out of nowhere I thought miserably, furiously swiping at my face.

“Leah?” His voice came over the line. “ Leah are you there?”

“I need to go.”

“Alright.”

“Take care of yourself too, Jungkook.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loneliness .

It’s such an odd sort of feeling. Sometimes you get used to it so much, that you forget all about it.

It stays , a part of you that doesn’t make much of an impression on you until one day, suddenly it becomes unbearable,

Until you get a glimpse of what it’s like to not be lonely.

And then suddenly it’s like a deep chasm of longing and desperation just opens up inside you, craving love and warmth and company with a hunger that feels like it can never ever be satisfied.

I’d never paid much mind to the fact that my life revolved around myself, my writing and the flowers in the garden. Not until Namjoon had come, demanding to be felt and seen and heard .

 Namjoon hadn’t joked about not letting me rattle around the house. Our days were spent sprawled on the lawns of the Jeon estate, each of us occupied with our own writing . Namjoon typed away on his laptop while I preferred my leather bound notebook. It was oddly soothing, lying there on the clean cut grass, the sharp blades rubbing against my bare legs, as I leaned back against a tree trunk, watching Namjoon’s furrowed brows as he wrote.

Namjoon had changed in a lot of ways and yet he was still somehow just as I remembered, focused and often lost in his own head. He was a contemplative man and seemed to spend as much time reading as he did writing.

“There’s a poetry club that meets every Tuesday in Gangnam. Would you like to come with me?” He asked casually, about a week after he’d moved in and I considered it. The paparazzi had finally stopped hanging about the estate and Jungkook had called the previous night with a ETA for when he would be back.

Four weeks at most, he had said firmly and I wasn’t sure if I was feeling all that excited for his return anymore. Days spent with Namjoon were more exciting. He included me in every little thing and I was addicted.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew this was probably wrong. Namjoon was sweet and kind but I was still married. But on the wake of that thought came the bitter reminder that there was nothing between Jungkook and I. He was in love with someone else. Why should I deny myself the joy of Namjoon’s company over a relationship that really wasn’t a relationship at all.

Namjoon treated me as an equal, teased and flirted like there was nothing wrong with the two of us living like this, together and away from the rest of the world and I liked it. It made me feel like perhaps happiness wasn’t such an abstract, unreachable thing after all. That perhaps I could find happiness like this. In friendship and mindless conversation with a man who didn’t see me as a burden.

“I’d love that.” I said with a smile, letting my fingers knit together with his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Scorned wife getting even? We spotted the recently cheated on Mrs Jeon getting cozy with a strapping, buff hottie in a private restaurant last Friday and we can’t help but wonder if perhaps the reclusive lady is trying to get back at her husband by flashing her own boytoy.” Namjoon read cheerfully from his phone, looking way too entertained as he showed me the zoomed photo of us holding hands over the dinner table .

“That’s quite the description they’ve put for you.” I grimaced, sipping my chamomile tea slowly. My father and Mr. Jeon had reacted with their usual anger, threatening to sue the gossip rag for libel but it was pointless. They would keep being intrusive rats. There was nothing much to be done beyond enduring them.

“My agent’s losing his mind. He’s been at me trying to get me to agree to book signings and public appearances and he’s pissed that this is the way I get introduced to Seoul’s High society. Poor guy.” Namjoon chuckled and I felt guilt churn.

“I’m sorry, Namjoon. I really didn’t think they’d be following me. I mean… usually they’re only tailing Jungkook but I guess with the whole thing with Lisa , they’re just looking for ways to make things worse.” I said hesitantly.

Namjoon hesitated, staring at me for a few seconds.

“We never really talked about how things are.” He said quietly. “ Between you and Jungkook, that is.”

I ran the edge of my chopsticks on the brim of my soup bowl.

“ There’s not much to say. He’s…. He’s still sorting things out. With my sister.” I smiled a little. It ached a lot less, I realized with surprise.

“They loved each other deeply.” Namjoon said softly. “ that sort of thing doesn’t go away that quickly.”

I nodded.

“Of course. And I’ve been …understanding of that. I like to think.”

“But its unfair to you. You deserve to be loved too. Fully and well .”

I leaned back to stare at him.

“Are you offering?” I laughed, teasing.

Namjoon didn’t smile, leaning forward instead.

“Depends. Will you ever consider leaving him, for me?” He said seriously.

My heart turned over inside me.

“Namjoon…” I choked out and he reached out and lightly touched my palm.

“I know how marriages work with people like you, so I think I should draw boundaries now, if I want to keep myself safe.” He smiled a bit.

“I’m pregnant. With his child.” I swallowed and Namjoon’s brows went up.

“I thought it was your child. Yours and no one else’s.”

I felt torn, staring at him and wanting to say that I didn’t consider Jungkook as the child’s father, not in the way most people did. But I also remembered my husbands determined voice, the way he kept insisting that he wouldn’t neglect the child.

“Its not about Jungkook or the child, Leah. Its about you. You married Jungkook knowing he was in love with your sister and that tells me that you listen to your parents. You don’t want to stand up against the rules set by our parents and I don’t fault you for it. But I can’t let myself fall for you, knowing you’re going to be bound by your obligations to yurr family.”

I shook my head.

“Don’t fall in love with me.” I said easily. “ You’re right. My family comes first. And whether I want to be or not, I’m bound to Jungkook for life. So don’t fall in love with me.”

He smiled and nodded.

“Alright then.”

“Do you want to move out?” I asked bitterly and he looked genuinely surprised.

“What?”

“You clearly think I’m trying to seduce you or something when really, I-“

“Hey. Hey, Leah…no. No alright, that’s not what I meant. These two weeks, it was amazing. I love your mind and you’re easily one of my favorite people on this planet. We’re friends. And we’ll stay friends no matter what but you must know why I said what I said. You’re a beautiful woman and I’m a lonely guy.” He smiled a bit, “ I just don’t want to make it hard for myself when you want me to leave.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook arrived back in Korea on a cold, rainy morning and against my better judgment I let Jihyun and Lisa drag me to the airport. It was some kind of publicity stunt, that much I could fathom but I didn’t know if Jungkook was in on it. I hadn’t spoken to him in a few days, he had been busy wrapping things up with the new branch in Japan.

It was another bad day for my leg and I found myself leaning heavily on my sister, her arm wrapped around my waist as we walked over to the waiting area. I could already identify a few men with cameras staring at us discreetly. Paparazzi . I saw them move their cameras down to the now obvious curve of my stomach and I swallowed. I could already imagine the articles wondering who the father was : Jungkook or Namjoon.

“You alright?” My sister asked worriedly and I nodded, not looking at her. Lisa hadn’t been discouraged by initial refusal to speak to her, keeping at it till I finally caved and let her visit me at the estate. She didn’t love Jungkook anymore, she insisted . It was over. They were over . She wanted to give her marriage a chance. Very sweet and nice, that. And it was obvious that she wasn’t lying, what with the way she and her husband kept

Jihyun and Lisa had made amends with each other and it annoyed me that they seemed to be madly in love with each other all of a sudden. Like the past couple months hadn’t even happened. I stared down at my wedding ring feeling stricken. Was it unfair that I resented them for this? Why hadn’t the two of them thought of this, of breaking things off and moving on before the damn wedding. And then maybe Jungkook and I would have had a real marriage too.

Bitter and hormonal was definitely not a good combination I thought with a wince, fingers splaying on the curve of my lower belly. It was so odd, being pregnant. The extra weight somehow foreign but also …so soothing. The last scan had shown that I had an anterior placenta and that meant that I may not feel movements for a while. I didn’t mind, having found comfort in just tracing my palm over the bare skin of my stomach.

“There he is.” Jihyun’s voice made me look up and ure enough there he was.

It wasn’t the longest we’d been away from each other and yet, I felt my heart leap at the sight of him. He truly was a very handsome man, I thought miserably. And no matter what people said, it was infinitely more difficult to hate your husband when he looked that good.

Jungkook’s eyes caught mine first and I saw the way his gaze dipped straight to the curve of my bump. Even from the ten feet between us , I saw hi lips part in surprise , eyes going wide. It probably hadn’t felt real to him till now, I thought biting my lips as he carefully handed his bags over to the two chauffeurs who had rushed to help him.

Jihyun wasted no time in bounding over and hugging his little brother tight.

I glanced at the man who had been taking photos, pleased to see the surprise in his face. Was he hoping that the CEO would punch his little brother in the face ? Idiots. Lisa stayed by my side and I exhaled shakily.

“ Dad told me something and I want to know if its true.” I said quietly.

She didn’t reply.

I took a deep breath, still watching the two brothers embrace each other, Jungkook’s face buried in Jihyun’s shoulders. I could see him shaking just a little and I felt my gut clench.

“He told me that …that you never told him that you wanted to marry Jungkook. That when he suggested Jihyun you agreed at once.”

She looked away.

“Lets talk about this later.” She said quietly.

“Does Jungkook know?” I demanded. “ Because he spent that first month of our marriage cursing our father out for forcing you to marry Jihyun. Forcing. And dad says that he did no such thing. So what is the truth.”

Lisa didn’t respond.

“Jungkook  knows.” She said finally, “ I told him… the truth. When we were in Japan.” and I laughed in disbelief.

“Was that before or after you kissed him?” I snapped and she looked genuinely pained.

“Leah, I never meant to hurt you or Jungkook.” She said shakily.

“My God.” I shook my head. “ I always knew you were a selfish, greedy person but I didn’t take you for being a liar and a deceitful coward. ”

She stared down at her feet.

“Yes. I’m greedy..”  She whispered “ And you may not understand it now but I did it for you and for Jungkook.”

She moved away and I watched as Jihyun pulled away from Jungkook, still holding his arm as he held a hand out to Lisa. The smile on her face seemed genuine as she took her husband’s hand and I shifted my gaze to mine. Jihyun and Lisa walked away to their car and Jungkook stepped closer to me, his face stoic and impossible to read.  

“Leah.” He said quietly, dark hair falling into even darker eyes.

I didn’t reply, merely stepping up to gently press my palms on either side of his face.

“Welcome back.” I said softly, before reaching up and kissing him full on the lips. Jungkook’s entire body went stiff as a board at the gesture but he didn’t pull away , thankfully. It felt cold and impersonal and barely lasted a few seconds but hopefully the man had gotten a few good shots. I closed my eyes for effect, running my thumb over the clean shaven curve of his jaw, before pulling away slowly.

I peered over Jungkook’s shoulder, just to make sure and sure enough, the man was moving closer to get better angles. I smiled a little. Good. That should hold these vultures off for a while. I turned back to Jungkook and his eyes followed my gaze catching sight of the man with the camera and his entire body seemed to go stiff with anger.

“Why did you do that?” He growled and I bit my lips.

“You know why.” I made to turn away but he gripped my arm, hard. So hard that I winced.

“What are you doing?” I asked panicking, glancing at the man who was still watching.

“Since when did you start pandering to those pigs?” He whispered angrily and I flinched.

“Your father wants to introduce you to the Board of directors this weekend.” I whispered quietly, “Most of them read the news Jungkook. The last news about us can’t be about you cheating on me.”

“That’s my business. And I’ll deal with it. We’re not doing this, Leah. I’m not putting on some kind of act just to please my fucking father.” He looked furious and the taut line of his jaw made me flinch.

“I’m sorry.” I said quickly, guilt churning inside me. He was right. I shouldn’t have done that without talking to him about it but I knew that the scandal with him and Lisa wouldn’t go down well with the Board. And the Board generally had a direct say on who got hired to top managerial positions.

“I just want you to get that job.” I said softly and he stared at me, stiff body relaxing marginally.

“Let’s just go home. Yeah?” Jungkook said tiredly and I bit my lips.

Less than fifteen minutes since he came home and we were already at odds with each other.

The most ill suited couple in the universe, I thought with a grimace as he stepped right next to me and wrapped a hand around my waist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had a very terrible tendency to forget taking my pills. So I generally left them by the bedside table. Stepping out of the shower, I found Jungkook sitting on my side of the bed, examining the bottle carefully. I tugged on the white t shirt I had on, suddenly embarrassed because it was Jungkook’s

I’d asked to borrow a couple over the phone,  simply because I no longer fit into my own and the ones I’d ordered weren’t here yet. Jungkook had agreed but still, it felt awkward when he was wearing the exact same t shirt himself.

He turned around when I moved to the vanity to put on moisturizer for the night and through the reflection I saw his gaze linger on my attire.

“Aspirin? Didn’t know that was part of pre natal vitamins?” He said seriously and I blinked., surprised. I turned around to stare at him, licking my lips nervously.

“How much research did you do?” I asked, genuinely curious and he flushed.

“I had a lot of free time. “ He said defensively. “ These six weeks.”

I frowned, before turning back to grab the small pot of night cream from the draw.

“My blood pressure is a little elevated. My mother had pre eclampsia with my sister and they just want to be careful.”

“Pre eclampsia?” Jungkook’s voice was fraught with nervousness and I turned back to see him almost white as a sheet.

“Jungkook…I.. its nothing serious.” I said hastily and his jaw went even more taut.

“What do you mean its not serious? Do you even know what it is?” He demanded.

“Do you?” I snapped back, annoyed at being treated like I was an errant child.

“I know that it’s the leading cause of maternal death during birth.” He all but shouted and I flinched.

“Okay…that’s only in extreme cases.” I held both my hands up. “ it’s a bit too premature to be panicking over that.”

Jungkook opened his mouth, as though to argue but then seemed to calm himself down.

“When’s your next check up?” He asked casually.

“This weekend. But its okay, Namjoon is-“

“I’ll come with you. I.. I want to come with you.” He said quietly.

I stared at him, feeling too awkward to outright refuse.

“You have the meeting with the Board. This weekend.” I said softly.

“So?” Jungkook shrugged. “ I’ll just tell them your appointment and health is more important to me. Besides isn’t that what you wanted? The reason you kissed me at the airport? You want the board to think we’re happily in love. I think that would be an excellent way to show them that. ”

Jungkook stared at me , head tilted curiously, daring me to deny what I had old him myself.

Sighing, I nodded.

“Alright.” I managed a weak smile. “ You can come with me.”

“Namjoon hyung left today, you said?” He asked casually.

I nodded.

“I should send him a bottle of his favorite wine for taking care of you so well. You look good.”

“He did it because he wanted to. Because he enjoyed it.” I retorted, his words rubbing me just a little wrong.

Jungkook smiled although it was more of a smirk.

“I’m sure he did. But I’m here now. And I did promise you that I’ll be there for you.”

“For the baby.” I said sharply, not liking the way he looked. The things he seemed to b implying.” You promised me you’d be there for the baby.”

“And right now, said baby is inside you.” He grinned now and I felt my pulse quicken at the sight. Jungkook didn’t smile with me. It wasn’t something that happened. At all. “ So I’ll have to take care of you.”

I stared at him, biting my lips.

“What are you doing?” I demanded. “My sister told you she never wanted you so now you want to start fucking me again?”

It was cruel. A terrible thing to say and I regretted it at once.

The smile faded.

“What?”

“ I…fuck Jungkook.” I groaned.

“is that what you think of me? Need I remind you that you were the one who came to me all those months ago? I never…. I would never force myself on you, Leah.” He looked like he’d been stabbed and I heart clenched.

“Jungkook , I…”

“I’ve been honest. Through all of this I’ve been honest to you. I lied to your sister, I lied to my father and fuck I even lied to myself. But I’ve been honest with you , Leah.”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?!” I cried out, despairing. “ You were in love with my sister and –“

“And she wanted to marry my brother.” Jungkook yelled, standing up and turning to me, eyes blazing. “  All along. Know what she told me Leah? That it was never supposed to be me. That five years of us being together…it was because she was in love with my brother and she couldn’t bear the thought of being alone. She started dating me to make him jealous and when she saw that I spent so much time with Jihyun she stuck around . So she could spend time with him.” He shook his head.

I stared at him, horrified.

“Jungkook….”

“I thought I could never feel more pathetic than when I stood there listening her tel me how she never felt a single thing for me. But wow…. Thank you for proving me wrong. Because right now, standing here begging you to let me a part of the child we both made knowing you only see me as some kind of pervert just looking to get into your bed….” he shook his head,” I feel worse. I feel dirty.”

My throat went dry.

“You know what?” He moved to the closet and to my horror he grabbed a bunch of his clothes and a small suitcase. “ I’m going to go get a Hotel room.”

“What? No… Jungkook, wait!” I rushed to his side, grabbing his arm but he threw my hand off quickly.

“Ask Namjoon hyung to move back in. Better yet, tell dad the truth. That you think I’m disgusting. That the thought of me being in your life makes you sick. Tell him you want a divorce and-“

“It’s a girl.” I exhaled sharply.

Jungkook went completely still.

I swallowed, my heart racing so fast I couldn’t catch my breath.

I took a deep breath and moved to lightly touch his back, fingers splaying on the broad expanse of his shoulder blade .

He turned around at that and my heart lurched at the tear tracks down his cheeks. He looked wrecked.

“ A girl?” He whispered.

I bit my lips, nodding.

“We’re having a little girl.” He looked a little shell shocked.

“Yes. And hopefully, she isn’t as dramatic as her father.” I said softly, grabbing the dozen or so t shirts he’d pulled out of the closet and pushing them back into the shelves.

Jungkook didn’t protest, still staring into space, probably just taking the news in. I felt awful for one second because I hadn’t even cared all that much when the technician had told me.

I closed the closet door and moved back to the vanity trying to process all that had been said in the last five minutes, only to feel a headache come on. I would think about it tomorrow.

I finished braiding my hair when Jungkook’s voice came from the bed.

“If you don’t want me to intrude into your space you can tell me. I’m okay with only getting information about the baby.” He said quietly.

I stared at myself in the mirror.

I turned to him slowly. i took a deep breath, considered that what i was going to say would likely change everything between us. But i had to. 

I’ve always been honest with you Leah, He had said and I decided that perhaps he deserved some honesty in return.

“I think I’m in love with Namjoon.” 

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Author’s Note : these two are such a mess istg. 

ooh i don’t have a taglist for this so please comment if you wanna be on it.