#and yet there’s still collective compassion and empathy for them

[tequilaasquared]

God the fact that we were meant to fully take Fiona’s side during her whole ‘independent Fiona’ phase in s7 pisses me off. Asking the family that she CHOSE to become legal guardian of to put her at the bottom of their emergency contact lists, (underneath a couple with small children and a business who was unrelated to them, and their bipolar brother who had a super high pressure and high responsibility job) was completely unfair and irresponsible frankly. And doing it after she’d been called to Ian’s work as his emergency contact because he was clearly dealing with hypomania and his colleagues were concerned just felt like an extra twist of the knife. But I understood her reasoning to an extent.

But threatening to make her underage sister and her baby niece homeless because she was still pissed a traumatised 14 year old decided having a baby was the only way to become a part of a stable family environment? That was just plain cruel. Fiona didn’t have to be happy or agree with Debbie, and was well within her right to let Debbie know her disappointment and frustration, but she was still her legal guardian and she knew better! She was an adult and Debbie was a child being threatened with homelessness by the woman that raised her. Demanding Debbie get a job and getting her the application and Debbie following through and going to the interview, only for Fiona to actively sabotage it bringing Franny mid way through her interview was cruel and so unFiona like. Fiona was a grown ass 27 year old and should’ve sat Debbie down to communicate with her. I get that Debbie could be petulant and argumentative but she was a literal child! Fiona should’ve put her foot down and demand Debbie discuss with her how best to organise balancing work with childcare instead of offering zero support. She also lived with 3 brothers old enough to babysit Franny from time to time whilst Debbie worked. One of the overarching themes of Shameless was how the Gallaghers literally raised each other because their parents were awful human beings and you’re telling me Franny’s uncles couldn’t look after her for a few hours a week? It frustrates the shit out of me that the narrative successively villainised a young, impressionable girl because she made stupid decisions, influenced by grooming and the toxicity of her home life and her friends. And her following through with the decision to have a baby was further cemented by her sister’s cruel ultimatum and her only actual support at the time coming from her narcissistic, opportunistic father who used her vulnerability for his own gain.

Fiona was let down and emotionally neglected by Monica and she participated in that cycle of abuse with her pettiness towards Debbie. And I say that as someone whose favourite character for most of Shameless’ run was Fiona.

[deconstructthesoup]

Okay, I had thoughts on forming a legit DBD Hadestown AU, and seeing as they kept me up literally all last night, it seemed only fitting that I actually write them down. So:

Charles and Edwin are, obviously, Orpheus and Eurydice respectively. However, rather than having just met and falling into a whirlwind romance, I decided that they're childhood friends who've met again and rediscovered feelings that they'd both been ignoring for a long time. Edwin is dedicated soley to figuring out why the world is dying and if he can help people while he can, and he hasn't really let himself rest, or even feel happy, in years---to the point where he feels that any good thing is too good to be true, even falling in love. Charles, on the other hand, has long since made the decision that someone has to be happy and keep spirits up in the trying times, and it might as well be him... even at the cost of his own health, as he works tirelessly on a song that he knows, despite all logic and understanding, will bring back spring again.

Crystal is Hermes, but she is also Hecate---she is the goddess of the in-between, magic, trickery, the crossroads, and restless souls... and that last part refers not only to the dead that she guides to Hadestown, but to anyone who chooses a life of wandering the road, from the honest messenger to the thieving highwayman. And yet, since the world has begun to die, she's been slowly slipping away from her role, choosing to spend her time among the mortals. This decision, of course, is helped by the fact that not only is Crystal one of the few gods who thinks there's more to the world dying than it just being "a reflection of mortal hubris," but that she's managed to make a friend in Charles. She's seen the way that music can change the world, after all, and knowing that there's at least one mortal who still has hope means that she can still believe.

Niko is a combination of Aphrodite and Dionysus---she's the goddess of love, revelries, happiness, and abundance, yes, but she's also the goddess of the mania that comes when all of those things are taken too far, and she's been dipping more and more into that side of herself as the world gets worse and worse. She wants to forget all the pain and suffering, and she gives herself and others the means to do so, even if it's all temporary. And while Niko does care for the mortals, and wishes that things could get better... deep down, she's lost a lot of her old hope, and even she can't disguise the fact that she's living with a broken heart.

Monty is Persephone, but he's also Apollo---he's the god of rebirth, prophecies, the stars and the earth, and new beginnings... and for what should be half of the year, he rules over the dead. He used to find just as much joy in watching over the souls as he did creating spring with Niko and charting the stars to bring prophecies to the mortals, but as Hadestown gets more punishing, more people die up above, and the world just gets worse, Monty grows even more bitter and closed off. He's unable to even properly enjoy his time on the surface, knowing full well that he won't stay for six months like he should... and the man he loves is wearing his patience thin.

The Cat King is Hades---and yes, somebody did make a very compelling argument for him being the Fates, but it works for the story, so just hang on. Once upon a time, he was happy just ruling over souls and managing the afterlife, and he cherished the time he spent with Monty as much as he could. But over time, wealth became added to his already vast domain, and his fascination for making and collecting things became an obsession... in no small part due to the fact that those six months spent away from Monty started to weigh incredibly heavy on him, and he eventually loses himself in his effort to replicate everything his husband loves about the upper world as it dies along with the way they used to feel about each other. Not to mention, his old empathy and compassion for the souls has hardened into cold indifference at best and a sick enjoyment of their suffering at worst. And all this change is making one person in particular very happy...

Esther is the Fates, but she's also a version of Demeter---the goddess of nature and all of its love and cruelties, and the one who spins everyone's path on her loom, punishing those who dare to stray from what she has determined for them. She's despised the Cat King for years, ever since he whisked Monty away to Hadestown, and she wholeheartedly believes that the reason the world is dying is only because he's been keeping Monty down there for too long, not because they've begun to fall out of love. So, when Esther spins a tale of a pair of lovers who are destined to end tragically, she sees it as an opportunity to finally push the Cat King and Monty to the breaking point---to save her son and the world, she tells herself, but mostly for revenge.

[aurora-daily]

AURORA: "People Deserve Complicated Music"

AURORA's interview for Junkee by Ky Stewart (September 11th, 2024)

AURORA is a once-in-a-generation artist. Unrestrained by genre, her music always feels just outside our grasp. So, as might expect, our conversation was insightful, inquisitive, and filled with childlike wonder and joy.

I was scrolling through Tumblr the first time I heard an AURORA song. It was 2015, a year after she’d released her first album All My Demons Greeting Me as a Friend. The post was a clip from her music video for ‘Murder Song (5,4,3,2,1)’. It was dark and tender. I was captivated by how expressive she was. Just 18 years old, she already knew just the right spot to jab you and reach your soul.

So I jumped down the AURORA rabbit hole. I quickly fell in love with that album, discovering fan favourites like ‘Running With The Wolves’ and ‘Runaway’. She was truly a Tumblr darling and, as it turns out, had absolutely no idea that so many of us were posting her lyrics on random edgy backgrounds. “Oh my god, that's so sweet,” AURORA tells me. “I didn't know that. That's insane. I had no idea. That's really sweet, because I feel like the Tumblr community were always my kind of people. That's really nice. I'm gonna try to find some of those posts now.” (Unfortunately, most of Tumblr has been killed off but there’s still some dedicated AURORA fan pages kicking around on there. I hope she found them.)

A lot of us from Tumblr grew up with AURORA’s music. Her albums have been part of how I made sense of the world around me at various stages of my life. Her newest album What Happened To The Heart? is no different. At a time of incredible turbulence, I often find myself asking where our collective empathy has gone. Or if we ever had it in the first place. How can we watch other people suffering and do nothing about it? These questions are AURORA’s inspiration. “There's always quite a lot behind my albums and I think a lot about the world when I write,” AURORA says. “I try to think about what I feel is the purpose of my music, and what I feel the world deserves to hear. I felt it was time for a question, especially the question, what happened to the heart? I was thinking about it a lot, and I realised that I found this question to be very interesting and very important. I think I found the answer.” 

For AURORA, the answer lies in how society has been stripped of compassion. “I'm nervous about a lot of the problems in the world today [and] the general unfairness in how our resources are divided upon the people,” she says. “The general unfairness that some people are given a chance in this life and some people aren't, and how the world just lets that happen. We haven't figured out a way to lift each other up more because people like to be comfortable, which I understand. It's hard to give away our comfort. To try to lift up someone we haven't even met yet is a hard thing for humans to do.” 

She adds, “I think we can actually feel that something is a bit off with life on Earth. Because we are very disconnected and we have closed up on that spiritual side of being human. And it kind of worries me that I feel something is a bit hollow inside of us, and that's why I answer the question, what happened to the heart? Because something is a bit messed up with how we live now.”

What I’ve always appreciated about AURORA, beyond her ability to make ethereal music, is how politically vocal she is. AURORA’s music has always been rooted in people, in their stories, and in how they feel. She cares deeply about people’s pain and uses her music to fight back — or at the very least, help people feel heard. Recently, she dedicated her protest song ‘The Seed’ from her 2019 album A Different Kind Of Human (Step II) to “all the children of Palestine, Sudan, Congo, Yemen, and Syria”.

“There are so many people in the world now that listen more to people they look up to, rather than experts on the matters of the world,” AURORA says. “A lot of [these] people are idiots and they say so many strange things and lead people the wrong way, like Trump… It’s chaotic when famous people have opinions that people follow so blindly without taking the time to actually measure your words or find out where they come from. It really scares me. [But] if people look up to me, I'm going to do as much as I can to say things they deserve. I think music really helps me do that, because I don't have to be too blunt, I don't have to be too harsh, I don't have to speak about things in the world in the same way most people do. We like to gather people around a common enemy, or to divide people with fear and then rile them up. I think it's so cool to rile people up with something that is, in its roots, fuelled by love.”

In preparation for the interview, I watched AURORA’s old music videos — the ones she made before the world fell in love with her. The bio said “Aurora Aksnes is a 18-year-old girl from Bergen, Norway. She strives to write music that can inspire people, through idiosyncratic tales of struggle, love, and all that lies in between.” Ten years later and she’s still doing exactly that. To AURORA, music is a language we all speak so why wouldn’t you use it to try to help others? “I wanted [the album] to be a mirror,” she says. “To do a soft beginning, because the first song is very spiritual, and numb [where] you ignore the thing screaming inside of you to be seen. Then the album goes quite dark because we ignore our roots. It's in our nature to be caring and kind. We do so much for the people we love and it's so pure. So we know that we're capable of it. But when we ignore this nature, we grow bitter and sour and broken.”

What Happened To The Heart? is as enigmatic as AURORA is. The album opens with the delicate ‘Echo Of My Shadow’, then we slam into dance-pop songs like ‘Your Blood’ and ‘Do You Feel’ or the techno club offering ‘Starvation’. Songs to get your body moving and your heart pumping. But there’s also folk and soft-rock. No matter the genre, her voice pierces through you. This concoction of sounds makes perfect sense to AURORA. For her, the sound of a song is less important than its essence. “I don't really think much when I produce,” she says. “I just feel and I just do, because I don't really have any rules when I make the skin around the soul of my songs, as long as the soul of the song feels right, it can wear whatever clothes it wants. It will still be okay, which is a comforting thing, because it helps you to not be a perfectionist. That steals the joy of creating from yourself, which is easy to do in this world.”

AURORA’s eclectic sound makes sense when you consider her influences. “I grew up with a lot of Leonard Cohen, Joan Baez, and Bob Dylan,” she says. “Also grew up with Enya. She was my biggest inspiration when I started making music. I just realised the healing power of voices and how much I can do. ‘Runaway’, which is one of my biggest songs now, is just the voice. The whole song is just accompanied by my own voice, trying to become choirs around my leading vocals, so that's been a very important part of my production journey. I'm very into Cohen, his way of telling stories in music, which I've obviously been very inspired by, especially in the beginning with songs like ‘Little Boy In The Grass’ and ‘Murder Song’, which are very [big] storytelling songs. And Bob Dylan taught me that I could be political and say things about the world in a nice way or in a funny way or in a hard way, depending on what you want. So these people all taught me very important messages. [When] I grew up, I learned about heavy metal and the Chemical Brothers. I think my idea of a perfect song is a mix with the Chemical Brothers, weird sounds like Enya and a bit of metal and folk. That's kind of the essence of what I find beautiful.”

AURORA is deeply connected to the environment. She’s been a strong advocate for environmental rights in Norway and trying to help the global fight to stop the ever increasing impacts of climate change. All of this is evident when I ask if she’s excited to return to Australia for an upcoming tour. “Oh, honestly, I'm so excited,” she says. “I think Australia is one of my favourite places to tour. It's so beautiful. It has the adventurous, grandness, and largeness that I feel when I'm in America, but you're not like America at all. So it's large and adventurous, which is exciting when you're from Norway. But it's still so friendly, and I'm so in tune with a lot of the politics. I'm not so familiar with the current situation, but I like what you did with the gun laws and to prevent massive shootings. And the Indigenous peoples, I feel a lot of admiration for, and there’s a certain charge in the land in Australia that I cannot explain. It feels very spiritual there, and the nature feels like home. I know it's so different from home, that I feel so curious and excited, but it's still so like home that I feel safe and I understand what's going on. I don't know, I love Australia. I love being there. [The] people are so pretty as well. And the bugs. I love bugs. You have all the scary ones there, and it's so fun. I really am excited to be back. I hate that it's only like every second year. I wish I could come every year.”

It’s such a joy to experience an artist like AURORA. Her music is charged with so much life and energy. You find something new every time you listen to her songs. Something she’s tucked away in the corner for you to find. She makes music that forces you to stop and think about what’s being offered to you. And that’s exactly how she wants it. 

“I like making complicated albums because I have listeners who deserve complicated music,” AURORA says. “We're being served a lot of uncomplicated stuff, which can also be good, but if that's the only thing we get, I don't think it's good for our brains. People are very clever, and I think it's important to not underestimate them.” 

[chuplayswithfire]

I've always seen Ed's robe era as a standard break up response - crying in your room, making sad creative projects, wearing your ex's clothes that are still at your house, eating ye olde ben and jerry's aka marmalade - and I remain firmly convinced that this is what the show is going for, because this is a romcom, after all.

But if I were to take it as a serious cry for help, an experience of extreme mental distress and signs of a man having a breakdown and losing himself... then like damn Izzy fucking sucks. How are the Crew of the Revenge collectively having more empathy, compassion, and care for a man they've known for a few weeks than Izzy is for a guy he at least claims to view as his captain and as a man he respects?

Like fucking hells bells man, the crew are concerned about Ed's well-being, listen to his song with bafflement but offer encouragement when they understand it's sincere, and are more than willing to meet Ed where he is and call him Ed when he asks. They're down for the talent show because they're a bunch of silly and delightful people, but also they're encouraging someone who's going through a rough time and pulling himself out of it. They're being compassionate and they're genuinely eager to share their talents and see if Ed likes them.

If Ed were genuinely having a mental health crisis (which again is not how I interpret these events but if one did), then this is a great way to respond. They're encouraging Ed to reach out to them by accepting the lowering of a previous boundary (call me Ed, not Blackbeard), they're accepting of his interest in trying new things and changing up his old life, they're genuinely invested in and value his opinion of them in a way that demonstrates that they still think he's cool and admirable despite his changing his whole look and ditching the job persona that they all initially looked up to him for. The crew in general are not just hero worshipping Edward Teach who is Blackbeard, but actively like Ed the man and want him to like them too.

We also see that this is effective and healing for Ed, because after lowering his barriers and singing for the crew, having them accept him in this very vulnerable moment and respond encouragement and genuine excitement for him suggesting they do something totally new, after asking them to call him by his name and treat him like a peer instead of an untouchable idol, the next time we see Ed is him being calm, cleaning his living space, letting in the light instead of wallowing away, even acknowledging that he was not living well by commenting that he can't believe he was "living like this".

Being supported and encouraged helped him to get back on his feet and regain his equilibrium, and he gets that from the crew, a group of men and Jim who have known him for a handful of weeks.

Meanwhile, Izzy stews in his distaste for everything that's happening with Edward, and doesn't decide to engage with him about any of it until he sees Ed doing better and yet still not being the man Izzy wants him to be. Izzy's responses consist of telling Edward that he should have been killed rather than be able to live as the man he is right now, dehumanize him as a thing rather than a person, and cap on a threat to watch his step if he doesn't start acting like the man Izzy wants him to be. For some reason, this threat isn't always taken seriously in the fandom, but I'd remind everyone that the only reason Stede, another pirate Izzy doesn't respect and sees as worthless, isn't on the ship in episode 10 is because Izzy went and found the British Navy in an effort to have him killed. He told Ed that having Stede killed by firing squad - the same death he's saying he should have "let" happen to Ed - "is a humane way of ending this". Ed wasn't prepared for Izzy's treachery because he didn't take Izzy's last threat - that he would rue this day - seriously.

Izzy is perfectly willing to follow up on his threats. And he was making a threat, a serious one, right after saying that he should have had Edward killed as part of his last plan.

Like, look, Izzy's response in episode 10 is always wildly off the wall - there is no situation where it's appropriate or even reasonable for him to dehumanize Ed, threaten him, or tell him that he should be killed for trying new means of expressing himself, but if we approach episode 10's robe era as Edward being in a state of genuine mental health crisis and distress?

Then Izzy's fucking abominable. Absolutely horrendous. There's no defense. It would only further highlight that Ed was right to say he has no friends in episode 6 - because no friend would react that way even if you were just going through a breakup, let alone a genuine mental health crisis.

A group of people who only knew Ed for a few weeks have more compassion for him than Izzy.

[septembersghost]

I hate how some people are making jokes or telling us we can't be sad or that feeling heartache listening to five albums worth of her music right now is hard and we're connecting to her art "wrong" like jfc it's been one day and this is a devastating shock we can be sad for a minute!

absolutely cannot stress enough how completely and entirely NORMAL it is for people to be sad and shaken right now, and it doesn't mean we're interacting with her music incorrectly or too invested or confused and think she's our best friend or something, none of that is true, and people dismissing it as that are the ones seemingly missing the point. when someone you care about is hurt, you hurt for them, it's human. it doesn't matter that we don't know her directly, an inherent bond is in fact formed between us and her music, and there is no getting around the fact that her music is deeply personal and autobiographical, and that a significant portion has been shaped by and written about this relationship - which also isn't a bad thing, it's beautiful! that love was so real and so transformative and such an important lifeline, and we can be grateful forever that she met joe when she did and that he helped her through those terribly dark times and that they supported and loved one another the way they did, when they did. all of that is still true. it's not undone - it was rare, it was there! (to borrow from a different tune) - and they needed it and it served them in lovely ways for as long as it could. the "these songs were about my life, now they're about yours" mentality is all well and good, but sometimes a bit impossible, and that is okay to acknowledge! the idea that you must take context away and only relate them to yourself or your blorbos is a bit silly, they're still taylor's art and diary and life (and you can and should do both!). also i'm gonna be honest here, many of us do not have a love like that to apply them to, so of course the original meaning sticks a bit. fandom acting like it's a sin right now to be thinking of her within her own music and aching for that is ridiculous. that WILL fade with time, but there hasn't been time yet! everyone's just sort of reeling and trying to process. this is collective mourning for many different aspects of things, it's in fact going to be a different bit of sadness for each person even though we're sharing it together, and that's also normal! her music being intensely personal and lyrically poignant gives us that sense of connection and empathy for what she's experienced and what she's shared, and this is the only time when we've experienced her writing about this type of love, the amount of time it's lasted (we are by extension very used to joe having been a constant! six years is a lot! there are many newer fans who've never known taylor without him being a significant factor), and tbh i could go into further detail here about why it's hitting hard and the little griefs everyone has been sorting through today. you can be grateful something happened and grieve its ending, and the ending of any potential future that might've happened, you can hurt for another person simply because you care for them and wish them the best and want them to be happy. it's not invasive when we are fully aware of the boundaries there too. it's okay for the music to sting and be difficult right now because it's about a life that no longer exists - we will all go back to it and reclaim it and feel the warmth and love in it again, we will hold onto that gratitude (i will never not be thankful that joe was in her life exactly when she needed him and helped her the way he did, that she flourished so much personally and creatively in that time, she didn't have to do that work or find that strength alone and that's a wonderful thing too). it's all about understanding those emotions and giving them space and compassion. we need to give grace to taylor and joe, to each other, and to ourselves for anything we're feeling right now.

[toymittens]

JSAB PROTAGONIST HEADCANONS

LONG POST TIME

I have definitely not been obsessing over these freaks for the past month

PLAYER 1 | Pixel Rapids, he/him

-speedy

-very short (to be fair they're all short)

-extroverted yet can't socialise properly, keeps making other people upset by accident

-doesn't understand it when others act based on emotion, can't feel empathy but tries to make others feel listened to (he still likes people, dammit). doesn't understand his own feelings very well, which can lead him towards rash or sometimes morally questionable choices

-threw a catboy three times his size off his own tower

-comes off as a jerk when trying to be nice to people

-envies Pent's high empathy and wishes to understand his own feelings the way Pent does to his own

-when neither are stressed (Tri's stress causes Pixel to deflect with humour, making Tri angry) Tri and Pixel get along exceptionally well. they both like to find outlandish solutions to various problems

-he enjoys Tangent's presence, and admires her bravery. he wants to be like her one day

PLAYER 2 | Trig Hayu (goes by Tri), he/him

WHY IS THERE NO YELLOW TEXT

-a recluse, lives in the Volcano (he's not the same person as Barracuda)

-helped Pixel and Tangent fend off Barracuda, led them out of the caves

-Lycanthropy's roommate (before the game)

-tries to have a calm, collected exterior but just ends up looking and sounding stressed all the time

-sleep deprived for lore reasons

-jokes during tense situations easily rile him up, which has lead to him snapping at an apologetic Pixel a few times

-under stress, Tri focuses on finding an original solution to his problems, not trusting any preexisting information. this can cause him to get extreme tunnel vision and miss obvious answers

-has (wrongfully) accused Pent of murder

-has (rightfully) accused Pixel of attempted murder

-disheveled little conspiracy theorist

PLAYER 3 | Pent Oerca, he/they

-catboy energy

-severe trust issues

-uses his speed to run from literally all his problems and responsibilities

-used to be a thief (Paradise Isle usually has great programs for getting shapes a home and job, but most services aren't provided to dangerous international criminals in order to maintain peaceful relations with the other country)

-has been accused of murder multiple times, once causing them to flee their home country

-trying to kill Pixel in the factory when they met did not help their case

-HIGHLY empathetic, also tends to use emotions in his logic to make decisions. has a stong moral compass and ideals, in contrast to Pixel who struggles

-he likes Pixel. would die for him probably. he helps Pixel understand his emotions

-displays emotion openly, and often looks worried or like a lost child

-listens to Tri and makes him feel as though his feelings have been validated

-likes to draw and trade art with Tangent

PLAYER 4 | Tangent Cosi, she/her

-the most mentally stable in the group by a lot

-uses some emotion in her logic, but is also very grounded in reality in contrast to Pent, often stuck in his own head

-grew up in Paradise Isle (at least she thinks so. there are no records of her and she has amnesia)

-very in tune with other shapes' feelings, often putting her own aside to comfort others

-is the reason the group is even functional

-possibly eldritch??? idk man

-gets along with Tri, they communicate well and she calms him down when he's panicking, helping him see the bigger picture

-protective of the group and, by extension, all of Paradise Isle. was the first to confront Blixer and try to fight him. she's very cool

-rambles a LOT, frustrating the hell out of Pent and Tri

-likes to paint, does art with Pent

-spends a lot of time explaining the emotional meaning of both their works to Pixel, all of them enjoy this

Will be tagged under Beat!au for lore reasons

[gwemmieee]

Do u think that there's an AFAB privilege? Would love to hear some articulated thoughts on how obvious it is

AFAB, is an event, not an identity. You're probably asking about people raised as girls, though.

This is a complex thing to answer. From my perspective, it seems like there are certain spaces--many queer and/or feminine ones, especially--where people who are known to have been raised as girls are exempt from certain preconceptions, such as the predatory perception that society often assigns to all AMAB folks who were raised as boys, and even some who weren't, that leads to our struggles to be fully accepted as not just an ally but a full friend and fellow in almost all feminine spaces period, especially ones that are not exclusively made up of other trans fems (and trans fem only spaces that are actually healthy and stable don't really exist yet in most places, besides specific private friend groups). I think they also get more of a pass when it comes to interpersonal relations and conflict, because having been raised as a girl comes with a certain misplaced expectation that you're Just Better at things like empathy, compassion, community leadership, caretaking etc.

Meanwhile, if you're neurodivergent and do not appear as someone who was "definitely" raised as a girl, you're typically not allowed to have any negative feelings or say anything wrong, even out of well-intentioned ignorance, without instantly being made a target and controlled, gaslit, ostracized, etc. In any space. And in my experience and the experience of most trans fem friends I have who have ever been ostracized from a queer space, the mistreatment truly is usually orchestrated by a queer person who was raised as a girl, most often trans masc, who openly denies these dynamics and their underlying reasons as real or valid, and who has cultivated that queer space to be one where generally nobody else is willing to admit it, either. Instead, they've all agreed that we must call someone out, attempt to control their feelings and boundaries, and be ready to kick them out, the instant they *sound* like a bad person, even if they didn't actually sound like a bad person and it was all a misunderstanding that wasn't even their fault. No chances are given before they start being treated like an outsider, in small, subtle ways at first, just enough that they are tempted to accept the abuse and become docile and controlled, but in much bigger ways if they protest.

This is still a common occurrence that dominates queer spaces, and it is deeply harmful. Usually when you see women, especially trans fems, talk about avoiding all men including trans mascs, I'm not excusing them for being that way, but this is usually why they are that way. It's a common response to an extremely founded survival instinct after you brush with death and depression over and over and over again just trying to be treated like a human being by anyone else at all. Sometimes we only survive because we collectively identify as victims with this specific common experience and find each other, our closest experience to real community, by hating on masculinity together.

To bring up that these are facts about queer, feminine spaces in general seems to be a hot button issue these days, because a lot of trans mascs have genuinely been ostracized from those same spaces for their masculinity, which is wrong. This has probably become a larger problem especially recently, due to an overcorrection by trans fem folks and our allies in response to the dynamics I mentioned previously and the resulting survival instincts. But none of that invalidates the fact that these dynamics are still common and still being abused by more masculine folks to hurt more feminine folks in queer spaces. A lot. Nearly constantly in nearly every queer space.

[enchantedquill-40]

Shadows of Darkness part 2

Sawyer's reluctance to eat persisted, as if the physical nourishment offered was insufficient to mend the deeper wounds that afflicted him. Jack, with a subtle understanding, guided Sawyer to a corner of the cave, a makeshift haven away from the prying eyes and flickering campfire.

As Sawyer sat in the dim light, his disheveled appearance underscored the toll of recent events. The shadows cast by the cave walls seemed to merge with the darkness that now shrouded his vision. Jack, torn between the responsibilities of a leader and the compassion of a healer, lingered by Sawyer's side.

Meanwhile, Charlie and Kate, sensing the urgency in Jack's request, huddled together a short distance away. The campfire's glow painted their faces with a muted warmth, in stark contrast to the cool determination in their eyes.

"Charlie, Kate, I need to talk to you," Jack said, his voice low yet commanding. They moved away from the cave entrance, creating a small circle of confidences within the confines of the island's mysteries.

"Kate, I think Sawyer is blind," Jack confessed, his words carrying the weight of uncertainty. Kate's eyes widened with a mixture of surprise and concern.

"What? How did that happen?" Kate's voice, though hushed, held an undercurrent of worry. Charlie, always attuned to the unspoken dynamics of the group, listened intently.

"It was us. We did this," Jack admitted, the weight of guilt evident in his words. The trio stood in a shared moment of realization, the implications of their actions weaving a complex tapestry of regret.

"You mean the beating?" Charlie asked, his voice a whisper that echoed through the night. Jack nodded solemnly, the gravity of their collective decisions settling over them like a heavy mist.

Kate's eyes flickered with a mix of remorse and disbelief. "We didn't think it would come to this. We didn't think..." Her voice trailed off, lost in the echoes of missed opportunities and misguided choices.

Charlie, a voice of reason in the midst of emotional turmoil, spoke up. "We need to do something. If Sawyer's blind, we have to figure out how to help him."

Jack, appreciating Charlie's pragmatism, continued, "I need both of you to keep an eye on him. Monitor his condition, and if there's any sign of improvement or deterioration, let me know immediately."

The trio dispersed, each carrying the weight of their shared secret, like fragments of a shattered truth scattered across the island. Jack returned to Sawyer's side, finding him still lost in the shadows of his own darkness.

As Kate and Charlie kept a watchful eye on Sawyer, their collective guilt mingled with a shared determination to rectify the unintended consequences of their actions. The cave, once a refuge, now harbored the echoes of remorse and the silent plea for redemption.

Days turned into nights, and the routine of survival continued against the backdrop of Sawyer's silent struggle. Jack, torn between the duties of a leader and the empathy of a healer, found solace in the island's quiet embrace. The jungle, with its enigmatic whispers, seemed to hold the key to a healing that transcended the physical realm.

In the delicate dance between guilt and redemption, the survivors grappled with the consequences of their choices. The island, indifferent yet mysteriously compassionate, bore witness to the intricacies of human frailty amidst the shadows that clung to its untamed heart. Sawyer's silence persisted, a heavy curtain that separated him from the world. The island, once a place of mystery and discovery, now seemed to harbor shadows that whispered of betrayal and pain. Perhaps Sawyer couldn't talk, or maybe the words were trapped within the walls of his own vulnerability.

Charlie, despite his role in the recent events, maintained a watchful distance, understanding the delicate nature of Sawyer's emotional state. He didn't hurt him physically, but the scars of trust broken lingered in the air, casting an invisible net of fear over Sawyer's fragile existence.

Sawyer, although surrounded by people who sought to help, felt an ever-present unease. His eyes, clouded by blindness, reflected a deep-seated fear, as if the shadows of his own imagination had taken on a life of their own. The echo of pain endured lingered, creating a barrier that words alone couldn't breach.

Charlie, perplexed by Sawyer's persistent fear, approached Jack with concern etched on his face. "Jack, he's terrified. I haven't done anything to hurt him, but he acts like I'm a threat. What can we do?"

Jack, wrestling with the complexities of leadership and the fragility of human emotions, sighed. "He's been through a lot, Charlie. The beating, the blindness—it's left him feeling vulnerable and unsafe. We need to find a way to rebuild that trust."

Together, Jack and Charlie formulated a plan to create a safe space for Sawyer. They designated an area within the cave where he could retreat when the shadows of fear overwhelmed him. It became a sanctuary of sorts, a haven where Sawyer could find solace away from the prying eyes and imagined threats.

Kate, torn between her own remorse and a genuine desire to help, joined the efforts. She approached Sawyer with caution, offering a gentle presence without words, respecting the boundaries of his silent world. Sawyer, though hesitant, seemed to sense the sincerity in her actions.

As the days unfolded, the survivors worked tirelessly to ease Sawyer's constant fear. They adapted their routines, creating an environment that prioritized his sense of security. Jack, guided by a commitment to heal both physical and emotional wounds, encouraged open communication within the group.

"Everyone, we need to be mindful of Sawyer's feelings. Let's give him the space he needs and be patient. It's going to take time for him to trust again," Jack declared, his words carrying the weight of collective responsibility.

Despite these efforts, the specter of fear continued to haunt Sawyer's every move. His nights were plagued by restless sleep, where nightmares painted vivid scenes of imagined threats and impending violence. The cave, once a refuge, now seemed to harbor the shadows of his tortured psyche.

One night, as the camp slept under a canopy of stars, Sawyer's eyes shot open. His breaths came in ragged gasps, and beads of sweat clung to his forehead. The echoes of his panic reverberated through the cave, disrupting the rhythmic sounds of the jungle.

Jack, awakened by Sawyer's distress, rushed to his side. "Sawyer, it's okay. You're safe," he reassured, his voice a soothing balm against the tempest of fear. Charlie and Kate, alerted by the commotion, joined Jack in an attempt to anchor Sawyer in the present.

Sawyer's hands trembled as he clutched at the air, desperately seeking reassurance that the threats were only figments of his imagination. Jack, with a gentle touch, tried to guide Sawyer's trembling hands to his own, bridging the gap between them.

"It's just a dream, Sawyer. You're here with us," Kate whispered, her voice a melodic thread weaving through the cacophony of fear.

Charlie, though grappling with his own guilt, spoke with unwavering compassion. "We won't let anything happen to you, mate. You're not alone."

The trio remained with Sawyer through the night, their silent presence a shield against the shadows that haunted him. As dawn painted the sky with hues of orange and pink, Sawyer, exhausted from the internal battle, seemed to find a momentary respite.

Jack, Charlie, and Kate exchanged glances, each acknowledging the immense challenges that lay ahead. The island, with its mysterious ways, had become a crucible where the survivors confronted not only external threats but the internal demons that lurked within the recesses of their own humanity.

In the delicate dance between fear and healing, Sawyer's journey became a collective endeavor. The survivors, bound by shared experiences and a commitment to redemption, faced the unknown with a resilience forged in the crucible of adversity. The island, with its ancient wisdom, seemed to watch over them, offering both challenges and possibilities on the path to healing. In the aftermath of Sawyer's nighttime panic, the cave echoed with the remnants of his distress. Jack, awakened by the turmoil, found himself enveloped in darkness as he searched for the source of the cries. The rhythmic sounds of the jungle became a dissonant melody against Sawyer's sobs.

As Jack approached the cave entrance, the realization dawned on him that Sawyer was not within the designated safe space they had created. Fear gripped Jack's chest as he called out, "Sawyer! Where are you?" The only response was the haunting echo of Sawyer's broken sobs.

Driven by a mix of urgency and concern, Jack ventured deeper into the jungle. The shadows seemed to play tricks on his senses, and each step carried the weight of uncertainty. The island, with its hidden dangers and unseen threats, added an additional layer of tension to the search.

Eventually, Jack's keen instincts led him to a secluded spot where Sawyer huddled, a broken figure lost in the labyrinth of his own fears. Sawyer's cries resonated through the night, a haunting symphony of vulnerability that stirred something deep within Jack's compassionate core.

"Sawyer," Jack called softly, approaching with caution. Sawyer, caught in the grip of his own torment, recoiled at the sound. "No, don't! Just leave me alone!" Sawyer's voice quivered with a raw desperation, the fear of being hurt etched in every syllable.

But Jack, undeterred by the resistance, knelt beside Sawyer. He extended a tentative hand, offering not just physical comfort but the reassurance of a connection that transcended words. "Sawyer, it's okay. You're not alone. I'm here to help."

In that moment, the island's sounds seemed to soften, as if nature itself acknowledged the fragility of the scene unfolding in its midst. Sawyer, caught between the instinct to resist and the yearning for solace, hesitated.

"I won't hurt you, Sawyer. I promise," Jack affirmed, his voice a soothing melody against the dissonance of fear. Slowly, Sawyer's defenses crumbled, and he allowed Jack's touch to bridge the gap between them.

In the embrace of the jungle's shadows, Jack held Sawyer gently, a silent acknowledgment of the shared pain and the journey toward healing. Sawyer, caught in the dichotomy of vulnerability and the need for connection, fought against the surge of conflicting emotions.

As Jack held him, Sawyer's sobs transformed into a cathartic release, a torrent of pent-up anguish pouring forth. The jungle, with its silent witnesses of ancient trees and rustling leaves, bore witness to a profound moment of human vulnerability.

The night wore on, and the two men remained locked in an embrace that transcended the boundaries of their roles on the island. Jack, with a sense of duty fueled by empathy, provided the solace Sawyer desperately needed. The island, indifferent yet mysteriously compassionate, cradled them in its enigmatic embrace.

Eventually, Sawyer's cries subsided, replaced by a quiet stillness that hung in the air. Jack, sensing the fragile peace that settled over the moment, released his hold, allowing Sawyer the space to collect himself.

Sawyer, though visibly shaken, met Jack's gaze with a mixture of gratitude and resistance. The journey toward healing, initiated in the darkness of the jungle, lay ahead, marked by the complexities of redemption and the fragile threads of trust that began to reweave in the quiet aftermath of the storm.

In the delicate dance between fear and solace, the survivors on the island faced the challenges of their own humanity. The night, which had unfolded with the discordant notes of panic, now receded into the past, leaving in its wake the promise of a new dawn where healing and connection became the guiding forces in the shared journey through the enigmatic heart of the island. In the wake of that pivotal night in the jungle, a subtle transformation began within Sawyer. The vulnerability he had exposed, and the solace found in Jack's embrace, sparked an unexpected shift. No longer burdened solely by fear and isolation, Sawyer became increasingly reliant on the connection he had discovered.

Days turned into nights, and Sawyer, once hesitant to reach out, now sought Jack's presence with an unspoken urgency. The cave, once a place of shadows and turmoil, became a sanctuary where Sawyer gravitated toward Jack's calming aura. His dependency on Jack grew, a testament to the healing power of human connection in the face of profound trauma.

Jack, initially driven by a sense of duty and empathy, found himself drawn to Sawyer in ways he hadn't anticipated. The lines between caregiver and confidant blurred, and an unspoken understanding blossomed between them. As the island's mysteries continued to unfold, so did the intricate dance of emotions within the cave's confines.

One evening, under the soft glow of the campfire, Sawyer sat closer to Jack than ever before. The flickering flames cast a warm glow on their faces, highlighting the shared journey of healing that had brought them to this moment. Sawyer, still grappling with the aftermath of his trauma, turned to Jack with a vulnerability that transcended words.

"I never thought I'd find something like this here," Sawyer confessed, his voice a whisper that echoed through the cave. Jack, meeting his gaze with a depth of understanding, replied, "Sometimes, healing comes from the most unexpected places."

The island, with its ancient secrets and untamed beauty, seemed to weave a tapestry of redemption around the evolving relationship between Jack and Sawyer. Their connection, forged in the crucible of shared pain, became a testament to the resilience of the human spirit.

As the weeks passed, Sawyer's reliance on Jack deepened. The island, indifferent to the nuances of human emotions, provided a backdrop to their shared moments of solace and understanding. The jungle's whispers seemed to carry echoes of a love that dared to blossom amidst the challenges of survival.

One moonlit night, as the stars painted the sky with their celestial glow, Sawyer, emboldened by a newfound sense of trust, leaned in closer to Jack. Their lips met in a tentative yet passionate kiss, sealing a connection that transcended the boundaries of their past traumas.

In the quiet aftermath, Sawyer's eyes, clouded by blindness, held a depth of emotion that Jack could feel without words. The cave, with its stalactites hanging like silent witnesses, bore witness to a love that had bloomed amidst the shadows of fear and pain.

Their relationship continued to evolve, a complex dance between vulnerability and strength. Jack, once the healer, found solace in being a source of comfort for Sawyer. Sawyer, in turn, discovered a reservoir of resilience within himself, nurtured by the love he had found in the unlikeliest of places.

As their connection deepened, the survivors noticed the subtle shifts in dynamics within the group. The island, with its enigmatic presence, seemed to acknowledge the delicate threads of love that intertwined with the shared pursuit of redemption. The jungle's mysteries became a backdrop to the evolving romance that blossomed in the midst of challenges.

Months passed, and Jack and Sawyer's relationship continued to flourish. The cave, now a witness to their shared intimacy and unspoken understanding, carried the echoes of their journey. Sawyer, once lost in the darkness, had found not only solace but also love in the most unexpected of circumstances.

Their first night together, marked by tenderness and a shared vulnerability, became a cornerstone in the complex narrative of the survivors' lives on the island. The moon hung low in the sky, casting a soft glow over the intertwined figures in the cave, as the jungle's symphony of sounds serenaded the island's newest chapter.

In the dance between love and healing, Sawyer and Jack navigated the uncharted waters of their evolving relationship. The island, with its timeless wisdom, embraced the complexity of human connection amidst the ever-changing tapestry of shadows and light. And as the survivors faced the unknown challenges ahead, the enduring flame of love flickered in the heart of the cave, a testament to the resilience of the human spirit amidst the mysteries of the island.

[jellyellymusings]

Where Do We Go When We Lack Empathy? 

The first time I met Joe, I had just moved to a neighborhood of Baltimore that had most of my guests concerned for their cars’ safety. I was walking up the street to my row home one day, when I heard him yelling, “Oh my goodness! Baltimore has been blessed by an angel!” Still extremely wary and on guard in this new, infamous neighborhood, I braced myself for the worst as I watched this stranger limping towards me. Grinning ear to ear, he seemed elated to see me, and as I put my defenses up, I scrutinized him. He was thin, dirty, had a severe lazy eye, and used the broom he was carrying to support himself. Despite his feeble stature, his face was brimming with warmth and kindness. I saw in him a virtue, which humanitarian speaker Father Greg Boyle calls key to intimacy and relationships: Tenderness. Something inside of me decided to forget the horrifying crime statistics and general agoraphobia we are subjected to from all sides. No news reporters, politicians, nor any well-meaning-yet-vaguely-racist family members “voicing their concerns” had been on this street, in this neighborhood, looking into the eyes of this joyous, destitute man. None of them had been given the opportunity to talk with him, to listen to his story. In that moment, I chose to forget the self-righteous rhetoric that teaches us to fear and dehumanize others, and to simply connect with him. Who would I be to decide that, because of the way this stranger looks, because of the assumptions I quickly made of him in my five seconds of analysis, he deserved to be overlooked and cast aside? Far too often in life, we miss out on the chance to expand our world by clinging to old misconceptions and ingrained biases. So, not wanting to miss the lessons I could learn from this interaction, I walked with Joe to the corner store and bought him an ice cream. Perhaps this small gesture of kindness would have been enough, but it opened me up to so much more. On that pivotal day in Baltimore, in simply choosing compassion and connection with Joe, I gave myself the awesome gift of a forever-changed perception of the world, and a renewed faith in inherent human goodness. Our friendship eventually allowed me to understand what our world is missing: Empathy. It’s our lack of compassion and understanding for others that allows superficial disparities to govern who we treat fairly, and who we collectively disregard.

Joe taught me a lot about humanity in the years that I knew him. Our walk to get ice cream was the first of many talks I’d have with him, and each one left me with a new perspective on how we treat others. As I came to learn more about his past, I was struck by the disconnection and dehumanization he’d been subjected to, even by his own home. His was a dismally common story: A young gay man in the 90s, closeted and living with his intolerant family -his life was completely upturned by a positive HIV diagnosis. It broke my heart to hear that this man, who greeted me every day with the world’s biggest smile, who called me “the Queen” and made it known that none of the neighborhood hooligans could mess with me, had been abandoned by his loved ones during a time of dire need just for his sexuality. His parents’ lack of empathy and reliance on pride was the first of many let downs. Brene Brown explains the importance of compassion in human connection in her book Atlas of the Heart 4. As Brown defines it, “Compassion is a virtuous response that seeks to address the suffering and needs of a person through relational understanding and action… It’s not just feeling, it’s doing.” (Brown, 118). That is what could have saved Joe: action. His family could have been there for him, forgotten their fixed mindsets and embraced him with grace. Perhaps if this once-happy family had been able to see past their learned hatred, and feel compassion for their son in his time of need, they could have done something to save him from an ultimate reality of homelessness, addiction, and disconnection. But instead, he was rejected and cast away, and it predictably led him down a path of suffering and despair.

Without a proper support system, Joe unraveled quickly. We didn’t talk much about the period of his life consumed by drugs. While he had miraculously brought himself out of the throws of addiction by the time I knew him, this lifestyle had wreaked undeniable havoc on his body. Brene Brown writes in her research that social rejection leads to feelings of disconnection, which “actually share the same neural pathways with feelings of physical pain.” (Brown, 171). Knowing the pain that rejection from one’s family can bring, it only makes sense for a disheartened young outcast to seek ways to numb. Once he had sunk to the fringes of society, there was no more compassion in this world for him. A black, gay, HIV positive man is going to have a hard time –even with a loving family. Take away that support system, leave him to find comfort in an unsavory lifestyle, and the wall he must climb to be free from that chasm becomes impossibly steep. According to Baltimore City’s 2022 Point-in-Time (PIT) count report3 -a survey of the local unhoused population- substance abuse is one of the most consistent systemic issues among the homeless. Yet, local support for unhoused addicts in recovery is grass-roots and always strapped for funding, with virtually no governmental aid available. The largest organization dedicated to treating unhoused addicts in the city is funded by a $2.7 million federal grant to spread over 5 years2; meanwhile, Mayor Brandon Scott gave $560 million to the Baltimore Police Department6, who moved funding away from outreach and towards arrests or provocation1. Rather than investing in each individual as if they’re important and worthy of compassion, the city “deals with” homeless addicts violently: through forced relocation or detention. The dehumanization of this population allows the city, including apathetic residents, to justify treating them like pests. I’d give anything to see the power of compassion work at a universal level, and allow second chances for the downtrodden who’ve lost their way. If we invested our resources into helping, rather than eradicating, those struggling most in our communities, maybe people like Joe could have a chance to find their footing.

But, of course, compassion is not universal, and we don’t invest in such unprofitable endeavors as “supporting the needy”. When the system is this callous, sometimes the best we can do is to intentionally choose compassion each day, and hope it will make a small difference. While overturning inherently violent, dehumanizing systems is the monumental task bestowed upon each new generation, we all have an individual role in cultivating kindness. I certainly couldn’t right 40 years of wrongs in Joe’s life. Still, I could be one source of connection for him now; the kind girl who speaks to him from a place of empathy, which he’d been lacking all his life. Whenever I saw him walking the streets, broom in hand, we’d chat about our lives. These seemingly small gestures of mutuality surprised and delighted me every time. I wouldn’t have expected him, with his tumultuous past, to find the courage to go out every day with a smile and an open heart. He also was a proud man, determined to earn his living and never accept handouts. We came up with a deal: each week, I’d put twenty dollars in a lockbox on my porch. In return, he’d keep my front steps clear of litter from the kids on the street. He was an admirable man of a gregarious nature, determined to wake up every day with renewed purpose. His perseverance was inspiring. From that small initial gesture of compassion, deciding to drop my defenses and connect with my neighbor, I gained daily validation that connection is everywhere if we are open to it, and that the human spirit is profoundly resilient. 

Notwithstanding the serendipitous virtues I found, reflecting on our friendship has been difficult for me. Joe’s story does not have a happy conclusion. In the end, I truly have no idea what happened to him, but the likely outcome is sadly predictable. One day, I set his money out in the lockbox, as I had every week for over a year, and there it stayed. Days passed with no sign of him. Myself and a few other neighbors called around to shelters and hospitals; we asked around the block for weeks to no avail  – he’d simply vanished. After all of his struggle on the margins of society, being outcast from his family for his sexuality, battling a crippling disease with virtually no support, being neglected and excluded from the most fulfilling parts of our society for his entire adult life, Joe’s story ends fittingly: With silent ambiguity. As melancholic as this microcosm of the world may be, I try to look back on our friendship with pride and contentment. I take solace in knowing that, as downtrodden as he was, Joe was able to find connection and love in the good will I showed him. And in return, I’ll forever be changed by the knowledge he gave me: that I can find kinship and kindness in any situation, no matter how dire. Sometimes, the most gratifying path to take in life can start with the simple decision to choose compassion. 

[transcendentalmeditationlondon]

Cultivating Mental Peace and Kindness through Transcendental Meditation

In the quest for mental peace and the spread of kindness, Transcendental Meditation ™ emerges as a beacon of hope. This ancient practice, revitalized by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, has found a home in Mill Hill, offering a sanctuary for those seeking tranquility in a turbulent world. The Essence of TM: A Path to Inner Serenity Transcendental Meditation is more than just a technique; it’s a journey to the core of our being. By transcending the surface-level noise of daily life, TM guides us to a place of profound stillness. Here, in the depths of silence, mental peace is not just a concept but a lived experience. This peace is characterized by: - A deep sense of calm: TM allows practitioners to experience a state of restful awareness, where the mind is alert yet free from the clutches of stress and anxiety. - Enhanced self-awareness: Regular meditation fosters a greater understanding of oneself, leading to self-compassion and a more harmonious inner dialogue. - Emotional resilience: As one delves into TM, emotional fluctuations become less disruptive, paving the way for a more balanced and peaceful mindset. Kindness Flows from Within: The TM Ripple Effect The tranquility achieved through TM naturally extends beyond the individual. When we are at peace with ourselves, our capacity for kindness expands. TM cultivates an environment where: - Empathy flourishes: A clear and composed mind is more attuned to the emotions of others, allowing for genuine empathetic connections. - Altruistic actions increase: Inner serenity translates into outward expressions of kindness, as TM practitioners often find themselves more inclined to engage in acts of generosity and service. - Positive social interactions multiply: Mental peace fosters a kinder disposition, leading to more positive and meaningful interactions within the community. Embracing TM at Transcendental Meditation Mill Hill At Transcendental Meditation Mill Hill, individuals from all walks of life come together to learn and practice TM. The center provides a supportive atmosphere where both novices and seasoned meditators can deepen their practice. Here’s how you can join: - Participate in an introductory session: Discover the principles of TM and its role in promoting mental peace and kindness. - Enroll in a structured TM course: Receive personalized instruction and guidance to ensure your TM practice is effective and fulfilling. - Engage with the TM community: Connect with fellow practitioners, share experiences, and contribute to a collective culture of peace and kindness. Conclusion Transcendental Meditation is not just a personal retreat; it’s a transformative practice that can reshape our world. By fostering mental peace and kindness within ourselves, we contribute to a more compassionate society. Transcendental Meditation Mill Hill invites you to embark on this transformative journey, where every meditation session is a step towards a kinder, more peaceful world. To join the TM community from Transcendental Meditation Mill Hill, visit their website https://uk.tm.org/london-mill-hill#enquiries or call them at 07960 683 160. You can also email them at michael.pierce@tm.org or follow them on Facebook or Twitter. Read the full article

[successloops]

Your January Muse.

Only Elite Players Do These.

Congrats on making it to 2023 – I hope you had quite a celebration last night and that you are properly ‘hanging’ today. Lol.

We are already aware that New Year’s resolutions don’t last, yet we still desire new change, so what are the alternatives?

I am an advocate for unconventional success so here are my options.

*Put the optimism in optimise. Focus rather on your strengths, your loves, your qualities and not the shit you think you need to heal of fix.

*Screw making resolutions rather set intentions that are aligned with your values.

*Screw the idea of changing yourself, forget creating a ‘new you’ rather expand the ‘true you.’

Everyone is created differently for the reason of standing out so be outstanding.

If finding your inner authentic individuality is hard, then do the assessments on our websites Free Resources page. I still redo them myself just to surpass my monkey brain.

*Do something only the elite players do – write your own Vision, Mission and Intention statements.

Vision- what’s your ideal picture of the world.

Mission- how would you facilitate making that vision possible.

Intention- what can you do about it right now.

It’s not an easy thing to do, that’s why most people never give it the effort.

It doesn’t have to be perfect, you can always refine and redefine as you go.

I’ll include my answers below to give you an example. I’ve been updating mine over many years.

To our collective success

Brad Cunningham

------------------------------------------------------------------------

VISION

*To reduce the global cases of depression & increase collective peace of mind.

* To reduce rates of divorce globally & increase harmony in relationships.

*To reduce poverty & increase collective prosperity and see success strategy made available for all.

*To facilitate the elevation of global consciousness and to witness it reaching critical mass where prosperity, peace, evolved spirituality, compassion, empathy, love, light, truth and unity is expanded and compounded and becomes viral. A soul aligned planet.

MISSION

*To remind everyone that their existence is not random but was superconsciously conspired & that their unique individuality is their sacred superpower.

*Through my own soul alignment inspire, uplift, enlighten, empower, activate, facilitate and anchor lasting positive change in everyone in authentic ways promoting healing, success, wealth, peace, contentment, satisfaction, joy, love, abundance and fulfilment, bringing harmony, ease, grace and flow for all through Success Loops, Instrumental Inspiration and through my constant curiosity in seeking light and truth.

*To bring deeper truths into the collective awareness because we think we know all but we don’t.

INTENTION

*To see the change, be the change, bring the change and reintroduce my limited finite awareness back into its unlimited infinite unconditional consciousness and be a pathfinder for others that I may assist in reconnecting people with their infinite soul selves that we all can live optimized and empowered lives and reap the collective benefits thereof.

[anthonybialy]

Empathizing Sighs

A restaurant that’s actually famous wouldn’t need to bill itself as such.  Likewise, those who care about us the most repeat the claim suspiciously frequently.  Shaky stances are routinely presented as facts in this interpretive world.  There’s just as much harmonious prosperity generated as a result as one would expect.  Pretending to help fellow humans is just another fake item on the real checklist.

Being told just how much they care about others is the sole service provided by liberals.  It’s not quite as valuable as prosperity or security.  If feelings were outcomes, you’d be able to afford fuel for your vehicle and family.

Big talk is designed to distract from small achievements.  There isn’t evidence to show that active federal planning does anything but take from the useful, so nonstop insistence will have to suffice.  A lack of empathy defines those who claim to exhibit it, and dodging the harm they inflict makes it tough to sardonically rue their obliviousness.

Boasting infringes on training.  Those who think they're best at knowing what customers desire are naturally the worst.  Life’s endless ironies would be more amusing if those who brought them to us ever learned to quit.  Making a show of how much they care almost distracts from how they most certainly do not.

Very caring authority figures imposing solutions they presume will be incredible are unable to imagine how others feel.  A wholesale inability to trust anyone else stems from unearned certainty of knowing what’s best for all.

Not giving a rat’s keister what others want is particularly ironic for those who want to communalize everything.  The policies of screwing over others are to be shared by all.  We truly are all in this together.

Refusing to acknowledge the existence of individuals is a sign of respect for the collective.  Don’t you want to be cool?  Peer pressure through mandates is one way to create popularity.  The perpetually useless are only capable of creating psychological projection.  Condemning those who desire pursuing their own interests enforces conformity in the worst way.  Contemporary America is like high school where obnoxious jerks with rich parents invite each other to parties via executive order.

Constant suspicions will surely inspire.  Figuring business titans are just out to enrich each other before stripping a company of all its assets and copper wire leads to taxing the stuffing out of them.

Presuming the best way to make money is not by staying open to offer products shows who’s never run a company.  And limiting guns because they figure everyone else is consumed by sputtering rage shows just how much compassion they contain.  Their 30-round magazines are loaded to capacity.

Meanwhile, government has to support the arts and charities because they'd never think to send funds from their own PayPal accounts.  The inability to imagine that others are not also miserable connivers is yet another personal limit those deeply into reaching out impose everywhere.

Reality must be reflected in pretend time.  Actors can no longer play different people.  That sort of reduces the challenge.  Oscars will still be awarded despite the fact that playtime participants are not allowed to be different from those portrayed.

Letting woke social media shriekers serve as casting directors will undoubtedly spur beautiful art.  You’re hateful if you hate films based around the theme of ironic intolerance.

You can’t understand what children need unless you’re presently reading this at a child’s soccer game you’re feigning watching.   Announcing your opinion fails to count if you don't have kids presumes those without progeny couldn't imagine what it's like to have whippersnappers running around.  One might think all that children’s programming dedicated to pushing the virtues of imagination would connect with overprotective parents.

Even kids know you can worry about others even without a personal connection.  Clueless overprotective liberal parents who are much less calm than their children insist the Constitution’s fans obviously don’t care about keeping schools safe.  Meanwhile, gun-free zones ensure only predators are armed.  You’ll never guess who’s actually creating danger.  Even those who prefer the quiet and disposable income of a child-free life could be dedicated to finding ways to protecting the brats of others.

Inadvertently flaunting their own inability to care about anything that doesn't affect them personally is just another consequence everyone outside of pushy liberals themselves lamentably knew was forthcoming.  An intrinsic lack of understanding motivation infects politics, fiction, and human interaction.  Everyone has their own interests and understandings, which sadly needs to be said in a world where using judgment to figure out how to profit and address needs is treated with suspicion and derision.

Understanding what others understand shouldn’t be that challenging.  Genuine respect for different outlooks is missing from those who declare themselves openminded.  It’s like science where professing adherence compensates for ironic ignorance.  Liberals who don’t tolerate dissent claim it’s because everyone who disagrees with them is intolerant, which sure is convenient.

You’ll never guess who should in fact be ashamed.  Allegedly progressive policies regressively spread poverty, crime, and like they're goals.  If tremendous sadness is not what perpetrators set out to inflict, then they’re even less accomplished than imagined.

[rebeccathenaturalist]

I recently finished reading Marcia Bjornerud's Timefulness: How Thinking Like a Geologist Can Help Save the World. In it, she explores how geology introduced us to the idea of deep time, where we consider our place in the world not merely in the few thousand years of human civilization, or even the couple hundred thousand years of our own species' existence, but instead the seemingly unfathomable stretch of 4.5 billion years in which the Earth has been spinning.

It's not just a matter of making us humble, though that's certainly a piece of it. More importantly, I think, is the context we find ourselves in when we see ourselves as one young species existing at about two-thirds of the way through the Earth's window of opportunity to support life. That's right: life has existed for a little over four billion years. And in another two billion years, the sun will have expanded enough to evaporate all the water on the planet, rendering life as we know it impossible. Anything that might survive that won't be able to get through the increased greenhouse effect as the Earth's surface heats up dramatically.

Sure, that can be depressing to think about. But it's not two billion years from now. We are in this moment now, with most of us are so finely focused on profit for the now (or just surviving paycheck to paycheck) that the idea of delayed results is practically anathema. Obviously we can't just force everyone to expand their understanding of time. A lot of people have to get over the fear that if they don't acquire and everything they can get right now, they won't have enough in the future. Look at how many argue against investing resources into the collective younger generations because something about “Well, they shouldn't get handouts and nobody gets anything for free”; asking them to look at the cumulative positive effects of a more highly educated population of adults in the future won't break most of them out of their selfishness.

Bjornerud is asking us to step out of our little time bubbles into a scarier, more exhilarating worldview in which we are not the pinnacle of evolution or the chosen species—a timeline that is nearly terrifying in its immensity. But we face that existential fear because just as time has stretched on for billions of years before us, so it will stretch on after us for billions of years, and some of those billions will still feature living beings.

It takes courage to do this. And there's also a certain level of compassion and empathy that is required to really consider and act on the reality that what we do now WILL have repercussions for the future (to say nothing of the impacts today.) The Haudenosaunee (Iroquois) concept of considering how today's decisions will affect those seven generations from now is just one example of people consciously choosing to exercise that empathy for people and other beings who don't even exist yet. It means we have to stop centering ourselves in every choice we make, and make sacrifices not only for those we don't know and aren't related to, but whom we will never get to meet.

We are setting this planet up for massive changes that will have ramifications in the thousands—and in some cases tens of thousands—of years. That's barely a heartbeat in geological time, but still time enough for a mass extinction that could include our own species. Will enough of us find our courage and compassion to fight for a future we won't live long enough to be part of? Will we challenge our stubbornly myopic tendency to sacrifice everything on the altar of Profit Now? I'm ever the optimist, and I think it's still possible. Part of that is rethinking how we think of time and its passing, and Timefulness invites us to do just that.

[maaarshieee]

What about shoto (or someone else if u want) reading fanfiction about reader (his facorite character) :3

➢ Sʜᴏᴛᴏ Tᴏᴅᴏʀᴏᴋɪ x Gɴ!Rᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

➢ Mᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ

Shoto reading about his favorite character, Y/n~!

cw: implied reader death but you’re fictional here so don’t @ me >:(

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿

➢ Sʜᴏᴛᴏ

When he wasn’t training when he was younger, he often did things (he was allowed to do) to entertain himself, seeing that he can’t do much. That led to him reading wide varieties of books as he grew up, specifically mangas. Sure, he still enjoyed heroes and such, but reading mangas has a sort of peacefulness he craved. (As peaceful mangas can get 🙄)

To imagine himself in a world away from his father, a reality that was so much better than his’ as his imagination runs wild. To imagine himself as a hero wanted to be.

As a young boy, Shoto enjoyed fantasy the most, but started to enjoy simple fictional action mangas, about heroes and such. Well, not so fictional, but the characters and scenarios are. 

That’s what he’s going to be when he’s older right? Might as well read things about heroism to get an idea. 

I like to think Shoto picked up romance novels as well, so he has certain knowledge of romance, and is a bit of a hopeless romantic in the inside (buried deep within his, uh, trauma? It’d probably show more after hanging out in 1-A more). 

As well as Philosophy but was quick to turn it down. Not like it’s hard to comprehend, some of the views and opinions of some philosophers doesn’t appeal to him.

In the manga you’re in, you’re just a minor supporting character he never paid much extra thought. You helped the main characters and fought alongside with them. You had a decent character design and was pretty loved by a small fraction of the fandom.

It wasn’t until the main character was incapacitated temporarily when you were given the spotlight, your character arc. Shoto didn’t really expect you to be something more than a minor supporting character. 

You had qualities of a hero more than the main character, more than he’d like to admit. Aren’t the main characters supposed to be the most likeable and heroic ones?

You showed selflessness, bravery, empathy, compassion and great strength. In each panel you show up, you’d always have a smile on your face, reassuring your comrades and civilians. He could easily say you’re akin to All Might.

But what really caught his attention was how well written you are as a character. You have flaws despite having a strong front, and not afraid to be vulnerable to show how even mightiest of heroes has weaknesses. 

Your past shaped you for who you are now, and he found your past a little similar to his’, but that didn’t deter you on who you want to become now.

When your arc ended, the mc took back the spotlight, but Shoto’s favorite quickly became you. 

You’re a role model he looks up to, like All Might. You may be just fictional in a world filled with heroes, he has yet to see a hero who’s just as good as you. If you were real, he has no doubt you’d do as well as you did in the manga, maybe even a symbol like All Might and a top hero.

Unfortunately, since you’re just a minor supporting character, you were killed off by the mangaka. He was furious at first, but then he saw how yo died. Painful, but not without a fight. An honorable death, saving hundreds before your heart stopped breathing. Determined to save everyone, until you died.

With a huge smile on your face and didn’t fall when you did.

Yeah, he definitely cried at that. For Shoto, you managed to snuck your way into his heart and became his comfort character. Your silly jokes, appearances on each panel, and your smiles made him feel fuzzy on the inside.

Fanboy, of course he’d buy merch of you. Figurines, vinyl of your own theme song, clothing, keychains, you name it. His room is in a small clash of you and All Might.

No, he’s not like Izuku when it comes to merch. He’s more discreet, hiding them in his closet and boxes, where it’s safe from collecting dust. Some of them are out for display, but never really noticeable for anyone trying to take a peek of his room. 

When he thinks of you, he’s reminded of your determination, how you strive for the greater good. Similar to All Might, you’ve said something about your power being your own, despite your lineage. You almost had the same past, after all.

It made having his fire quirk more bearable, made him think if he should actually use it or not. You’re using your full potential, work and trained to give your all, so why couldn’t he?

There are times where Shoto would think “what would y/n do?” in certain situations. Of course he’s independent, but on some cases where he’s having trouble, and needed support, thinking about you would ease himself, then seek for his friend’s help.

I wouldn’t say that he’d read fanfiction, like x reader stuff? Because that’s ooc LMAO but he’d definitely read different adaptations of the manga. 

“Oh! Todoroki-kun, you read [manga] too!?” - Izuku

“Yes, my favorite character is Y/n.” - Shoto

“REALLY? They’re my favorite too!!” - Izuku

They bond over you and often talk about what could’ve changed if you were still alive.

✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

✦ Reminds me of a fic I read from a different fandom, so I think I know how to approach this ask! I changed it a little bit so I hope you don’t mind~ You didn’t specify which so uh, I turned it into hcs! I hope you liked this anon cuz idk how to feel all about this, and thanks for requesting!! 💖 Have a good day/night everyone~! I FORGOT ABOUT THIS IN MY DRAFTS IM SO SORYRGUASJDNKSA

[austenpoppy]

How the fight in "The Goblin's revenge" came to be - an analysis

I've repeated over and over that my analysis of the fight between Harry and Ron during this chapter was different from what other people tend to see, and that the only one I truly blame in all of this is Voldemort, who is the character of the series I hate the most (and I really think Voldemort's evil genius is underrated). Yes, I do hate Voldemort more than Umbridge, and the first thing we need to be clear on is that the locket is not an object - it's Voldemort trapped in an object. Big difference.

I think it's time I explain why.

I'm actually going to start with Harry's point of view during that entire period, so that you'll have a better grasp of the lens through which I view things when I talk about Ron's point of view and briefly breach Hermione's (because we have very little information on what the locket did to Hermione).

One of my goal here is to make you feel empathy/sympathy/compassion for both Harry and Ron, abused or tortured by Voldemort - if you don't after reading this, then I failed. My other goal is to make people realize how much Voldemort controlled and manipulated the fight.

If you come out of reading this post thinking that none of the three friends were to blame for the fight, like I do, then I'll consider my mission in this world almost done (yes I do have a taste for drama).

Harry - loneliness, depression, fear of abandonment

I don't know if you remember, but Harry didn't start wearing the locket in "The Goblin's revenge". The first time Harry put the locket around his neck was in the chapter just before that ("The thief"). And we were immediately shown, only five paragraphs later, the terrible influence of Voldemort on Harry's thought process.

“Keep it safe till we work out how to destroy it.” Harry replied, and, little though he wanted to, he hung the chain around his own neck, dropping the locket out of sight beneath his robes, where it rested against his chest beside the pouch Hagrid had given him.

“I think we should take it in turns to keep watch outside the tent,” he added to Hermione, standing up and stretching.

“And we’ll need to think about some food as well. You stay there,” he added sharply, as Ron attempted to sit up and turned a nasty shade of green.

With the Sneakoscope Hermione had given Harry for his birthday set carefully upon the table in the tent, Harry and Hermione spent the rest of the day sharing the role of lookout.

However, the Sneakoscope remained silent and still upon its point all day, and whether because of the protective enchantments and Muggle-repelling charms Hermione had spread around them, or because people rarely ventured this way, their patch of wood remained deserted, apart from occasional birds and squirrels. Evening brought no change; Harry lit his wand as he swapped places with Hermione at ten

o’clock, and looked out upon a deserted scene, noting the bats fluttering high above him across the single patch of starry sky visible from their protected clearing.

He felt hungry now, and a little light-headed. Hermione had not packed any food in her magical bag, as she had assumed that they would be returning to Grimmauld Place that night, so they had had nothing to eat except some wild mushrooms that Hermione had collected from amongst the nearest trees and stewed in a Billycan. After a couple of mouthfuls Ron had pushed his portion away, looking queasy; Harry had only persevered so as to not hurt Hermione’s feelings.

The surrounding silence was broken by odd rustlings and what sounded like cracklings of twigs: Harry thought that they were caused by animals rather than people, yet he kept his wand held tight at the ready. His insides, already uncomfortable due to their inadequate helping of rubbery mushrooms, tingled with unease.

The "unease" mentioned in the last paragraph is described in more details in the paragraphs just after and is a direct indication of the influence of the locket, but I would like to pause here before going further and make a note of Harry's situation in this scene.

This isn't a coincidence if his feelings of unease took hold at this exact moment. Harry spent the entire day without being able to eat properly and feels "a bit light-hearted" due to lack of food - his "unease" is actually mentioned in the same sentence as his hunger.

Furthermore, Harry is completely alone in that scene, since he has to keep watch, and therefore has all the time in the world to focus on his inner thoughts since there's no direct action to be done. He's thus alone at night, with Voldemort around his neck, while his best friends are talking in the tent.

He had thought that he would feel elated if they managed to steal back the Horcrux, but somehow he did not; all he felt as he sat looking out at the darkness, of which his wand lit only a tiny part, was worry about what would happen next. It was as

though he had been hurtling toward this point for weeks, months, maybe even years, but now he had come to an abrupt halt, run out of road.

The way his actions are pictured here is a direct metaphor of what's happening to him mentally because of the locket: he's only slowly starting to look at "the darkness" of his own psyche, and what he feels and thinks in this moment is only "a tiny part" of it.

And out of the blue, Harry feels hopeless. He has absolutely no rational reason to think that any progress is impossible, since the Trio just managed to steal a Horcruxe, yet he feels as if he's already given everything he had and that he's "run out of road" - so he has nothing to look forward to.

There were other Horcruxes out there somewhere, but he did not have the faintest idea where they could be. He did not even know what all of them were. Meanwhile he was at a loss to know how to destroy the only one that they had found, the Horcrux that currently lay against the bare flesh of his chest. Curiously, it had not taken heat from his body, but lay so cold against his skin it might just have emerged from icy water. From time to time Harry thought, or perhaps imagined, that he could feel the tiny heartbeat ticking irregularly alongside his own. Nameless forebodings crept upon him as he sat there in the dark. He tried to resist them, push them away, yet they came at him relentlessly. Neither can live while the other survives. Ron and Hermione, now talking softly behind him in the tent, could walk away if they wanted to: He could not. And it seemed to Harry as he sat there trying to master his own fear and exhaustion, that the Horcrux against his chest was ticking away the time he had left… Stupid idea, he told himself, don’t think that…

Here. I could almost walk away and leave you with that, because the way Voldemort influenced and abused Harry is described here in a nutshell, and it's done very explicitly.

The first few lines of this paragraph are linked with the previous paragraph, and explain why Harry'd feel hopeless. He's submerged by the difficulty of the task he's been set out to do, and his lack of knowledge about what the other Horcruxes are or their location, his lack of knowledge about the way they could destroy the only Horcruxe the Trio has, the huge number of things that need to be done.

Then Harry reflects on the physical aspects associated with the locket, and you can clearly understand that this is not a normal object: this is Voldemort. The locket is "cold", so cold that it reminds Harry of "icy water", which is a metaphor for Voldemort's lack of emotion and empathy. Can you see how the balance of power is tilted towards Voldemort here ? The locket didn't take "heat from [Harry's] body", but instead makes Harry's skin cold - basically, Voldemort is not influenced by Harry's goodness and warmth, but Harry is influenced by Voldemort's manipulations and coldness that directly affect his skin. Even more than that, Harry can feel Voldemort's heartbeat against his own - it's about as explicit a metaphor you can have for "being close emotionally" and making yourself "vulnerable" (think about the fact that mentioning two hearts beating together has huge romantic undertones, and you'll understand how intimately and creepily close to the trio Voldemort was at that time).

The two next sentences is a direct explanation of what Voldemort did to Harry - he read his fears and insecurities, and abused him with it. Those fears are described as "nameless forebodings", as if they were external bodies Harry couldn't see, almost like shadows, "coming at him" (the verb used here is a synonym for "attacking") "relentlessly". They're so persistent Harry can't resist them, and he's forced to feel the full force of the shadows, which are therefore not "nameless" anymore.

And what is the first "nameless foreboding" attacking his mind ? His first thought is that he's actually alone in this deadly adventure that may lead to his death, and that if they wanted to, Ron and Hermione, who are currently talking "behind him" in the tent could leave him because they don't have a destiny being forced upon them and are only here because they care about him. This is the first time that Harry, in this book, thinks Ron and Hermione might leave him.

Doesn't it remind you of all Harry's inner thoughts in the "Goblin's revenge", of all his fears and insecurities that flared up during the fight ?

That's right. Voldemort just exploited the deep fear of abandonment that Harry is suffering from because of years of mental abuse and trauma (when Dumbledore died, for example, Harry said that Dumbledore had just left him), and planted the first seed of what was going to become the fight.

You have then a sentence that implies the locket is like a watch ticking, and counting the time Harry has left [before dying] (though honestly it wasn't wrong, that was probably exactly what Voldemort was doing).

Finally, Harry realizes that the thoughts coming to his mind are counter productive, and he's trying to talk himself out of thinking them - as if he hadn't been in control of his own thoughts up until that point (because, let's be honest, do you remember a time in the HP books when Harry thought "I shouldn't think that at all" ? No, the best we had was "I'm going to deal with this later")

His scar was starting to prickle again. He was afraid that he was making it happen by having these thoughts, and tried to direct them into another channel. He thought of poor Kreacher, who had expected them home and had received Yaxley instead. Would the elf keep silent or would he tell the

Death Eater everything he knew? Harry wanted to believe that Kreacher had changed towards him in the past month, that he would be loyal now, but who knew what would happen? What if the Death Eaters tortured the elf? Sick images swarmed into Harry’s head and he tried to push these away too, for there was nothing he could do for Kreacher: He and Hermione had already decided against trying to summon him; what if someone from the Ministry came too? They could not count on elfish Apparition being free from the same flaw that had taken Yaxley to Grimmauld Place on the hem of Hermione’s sleeve.

And surprise, surprise, Harry's scar starts hurting him, and Harry's afraid that's caused by the dark thoughts he's just had...that were caused by Voldemort abusing him with his insecurities.

What follows is an attempt on Harry's part to distract himself from his first and deepest fears (that he's alone, that he's going to be abandoned, that he's going to die) with another subject, namely Kreacher, and failing. As soon as Kreacher enters his mind, Harry comes up with pessimistic scenarii and uncomfortable questions (and yes, the "who knew what would happen now ?" is a parallel to the worry about "what would happen next" in the paragraph describing his unease), and "sick images" swarm his head...so horrible that he once again tries to push the thoughts away.

Harry’s scar was burning now. He thought that there was so much they did not know: Lupin had been right about magic they had never encountered or imagined. Why hadn’t Dumbledore explained more? Had he thought that there would be time; that he would live for years, for centuries perhaps, like his friend Nicolas Flamel? If so, he had been wrong… Snape had seen to that… Snape, the sleeping snake, who had struck at the top of the tower.

Now Harry's scar is "burning", and he's once again plagued by thoughts pertaining to his lack of knowledge in regard to the Horcruxe Hunt, and his slight frustration towards Dumbledore. And just after, Harry is seized with a vision of Voldemort.

Once they had pitched the tent in the shelter of a small copse of trees and surrounded it with freshly cast defensive enchantments. Harry ventured out under the Invisibility Cloak to find sustenance. This, however, did not go as planned. He had barely entered the town when an unnatural chill, a descending mist, and a sudden darkening of the skies made him freeze where he stood.

“But you can make a brilliant Patronus!” protested Ron, when Harry arrived back at the tent empty handed, out of breath, and mouthing the single word, dementors. “I couldn’t… make one.” he panted, clutching the stitch in his side. “Wouldn’t… come.”

The next morning, Harry "venture[s] out under the Invisibility Cloak" to find food, but, faced with Dementors, he is absolutely unable to cast a Patronus. It's of course obvious that the reason he couldn't do that is because he was wearing the locket. Voldemort therefore acted in a way that is reminiscent of the Dementors, and leaves Harry defenceless against the embodiment of depression.

Another element to note here is Harry's shame. Harry always has a tendency, in the books, to feel shame whenever he has the impression that he is weak or vulnerable (which is why he was afraid to say anything about his fear of the Grim in the third book, for example), and here his inability to defend himself definitely triggered this automatic response in Harry. Furthermore, what really made Harry ashamed in this scene is above all the deception of Ron and Hermione - or, if I rephrase it slightly, Harry felt ashamed because his inability to pull off his skills in Defence Against the Dark Arts disappointed Ron and Hermione.

Crazy how scenes like that paved the way for the fight in the end of the chapter, right ?

So we still haven’t got any food.”“Shut up, Ron,” snapped Hermione. “Harry, what happened? Why do you think you couldn’t make your Patronus? You managed perfectly yesterday!” “I don’t know.” He sat low in one of Perkins’s old armchairs, feeling more humiliated by the moment. He was afraid that something had gone wrong inside him. Yesterday seemed a long time ago: today me might have been thirteen years old again, the only one who collapsed on the Hogwarts Express.

This last paragraph simply reinforces what I've said above. While the first reason Harry got ashamed is that he felt like he was letting Ron and Hermione down, he also felt that way because of his need not to appear vulnerable or weak.

Ron kicked a chair leg. “What?” he snarled at Hermione. “I’m starving! All I’ve had since I bled half to death is a couple of toadstools!” “You go and fight your way through the dementors, then,” said Harry, stung. “I would, but my arm’s in a sling, in case you hadn’t noticed!” “That’s convenient.”

Harry, overwhelmed by his feelings of shame after one day of abuse at the hands of Voldemort, starts taking it out on his friends, almost resentful that they (here Ron) are not the ones who have to deal with the pressure of saving the world, resentful that he has to be the leader.

After only one day (one day!) of wearing the Horcruxe (not even one day, actually), Harry started being passive aggressive towards Ron, telling his best friend, who had almost bled to death the day before and can't use his arm, that he's basically using his injury as an excuse not to act and/or that he's faking or overplaying his injury in order not to do anything.

And you all want to make me think people could really control themselves while wearing the locket ? I guess you have a lower opinion of Harry than I do then.

Now I want you to imagine what could have happened had Hermione not realized that the locket was affecting Harry. What would have happened had Harry kept on being passive aggressive and had Harry escalated the discussion into a full-blown argument, for example ? Indeed, Hermione actually stopped the argument from escalating there, unlike what is going to happen later in the chapter.

Exactly. Let that sink in.

This scene is also the reason why I think Harry was way more irritable and irascible than what he lets on as he describes the situation later on to the readers, probably because he couldn't see it himself.

She held out her hands, and Harry lifted the golden chain over his head. The moment it parted contact with Harry’s skin he felt free and oddly light. He had not even realized that he was clammy or that there was a heavy weight pressing on his stomach until both sensations lifted.

This is what happens when Harry removes the locket after one day of wearing Voldemort around his neck : he realizes he was "clammy" (definition of "clammy": "cold and damp", the coldness here being once again a veiled reference to Voldemort's influence on Harry) and feels "free" and "oddly light".

The expression "oddly light" is particularly interesting to me, because the meaning of the adjective "light" is ambiguous : in this case it can mean either "cheerful", and here the feeling would be induced by the lifting on the "heavy weight pressing on his stomach" (which is an obvious reference to the negative thoughts and feelings of helplessness and doom induced by the locket), or "dizzy", which would imply Harry was losing control of himself.

After that, Harry insists that they still need to wear the Horcruxe, and Hermione suggests that they need to take turns wearing it so that "nobody keeps it on too long". Harry describes wearing those times of wearing the locket as moments of "increased fear and anxiety", which in fact reflects what he was feeling wearing that first night being abused by Voldemort - fear in regard to the almost insurmountable task given by Dumbledore, fear of what is awaiting for him at the end of road, fear of being abandoned, anxiety of letting down his friends and anxiety in regard to his role as the leader.

I had completely forgotten how those turns were organized, but we're actually given this information in the book: the three friends each wore Voldemort for "twelve hours or so" before giving it to the next person.

“Yeah, let’s go to Albania. Shouldn’t take more than an afternoon to search an entire country,” said Ron sarcastically.“There can’t be anything there. He’d already made five of his Horcruxes before he went into exile, and Dumbledore was certain the snake is the sixth,” said Hermione. “We know the snake’s not in Albania, it’s usually with Vol-” “Didn’t I ask you to stop say that?” “Fine! The snake is usually with You-Know-Who - happy?” “Not particularly.” “I can’t see him hiding anything at Borgin and Burkes.” said Harry, who had made this point many times before, but said it again simply to break the nasty silence. “Borgin and Burke were experts at Dark objects, they would’ve recognized a Horcrux straightaway.” Ron yawned pointedly. Repressing a strong urge to throw something at him, Harry plowed on, “I still reckon he might have hidden something at Hogwarts.” Hermione sighed. “But Dumbledore would have found it, Harry!” Harry repeated the argument he kept bringing out in favour of this theory. “Dumbledore said in front of me that he never assumed he knew all of Hogwart’s secrets. I’m telling you, if there was one place Vol-” “Oi!” “YOU-KNOW-WHO, then!” Harry shouted, goaded past endurance. “If there was one place that was really important to You-Know-Who, it was Hogwarts!” “Oh, come on,” scoffed Ron. “His school?” “Yeah, his school! It was his first real home, the place that meant he was special: it meant everything to him, and even after he left -” “This is You-Know-Who we’re talking about, right? Not you?” inquired Ron. He was tugging at the chain of the Horcrux around his neck; Harry was visited by a desire to seize it and throttle him.

I know we're supposed to read this scene and see the influence of the locket on Ron, but I'm suggesting another reading of the scene here: Voldemort wasn't just strongly influencing Ron here, but also Harry.

I'm saying this because I truly have the impression that Harry's reactions and violent thoughts are disproportionate compared to not only Ron's behaviour, but also Harry's past reactions.

Sure, Ron is being rather annoying in the eyes of Harry there - he is dismissive of Harry's ideas (without suggesting one himself), keeps insisting on not saying Voldemort's name and interrupts Harry whenever Harry starts pronouncing it, openly yawns while Harry talks and comes across as disdainful, and also makes a remark that is a dig at Harry's emotional vulnerabilities (what I mean by dig is that he's unravelling Harry's vulnerabilities with that remark, something that Harry would positively hate).

But does any of it warrant the level of Harry's annoyance ? Is it enough to justify why Harry had such violent thoughts towards his best friend and shouted at him ? Is Ron's behaviour that annoying that it justifies Harry wanting to "throw something at [Ron]" 'throttle him" with the locket, and shouting at him simply for asking him not to say Voldemort's name ?

I really don't think so. It's a level of anger and aggressivity that is quite baffling if you take a look at what Ron did in that scene, especially if you consider that this happened not long after they started wearing the Horcruxe.

It's even more baffling if you look at Harry's past behaviour. Harry does have strong anger management issues (for example, he threw a badge at Ron's face in the fourth book after Ron simply made a disparaging remark towards him, and strangled Mundungus Fletcher in the sixth book), but at no point in time did Harry ever feel the desire to throttle Ron, not even in the fourth book when they were angry at one another, nor did he ever shout at Ron for asking him not to say Voldemort's name (he would simply ignore him).

Of course, you can argue that Ron didn't just shout at Ron for saying "Oi!" to Harry after Harry started Voldemort's name, but that he did it because he was "goaded past endurance" by Ron's behaviour, and there would be truth to that reasoning.

However, his general feelings of aggressivity still seem really strong in that scene, way stronger than they should be considering Ron and Harry's past interactions.

What I'm suggesting here is that wearing the locket/being abused by Voldemort brought to the surface Harry's anger issues, and they remained even after Harry removed the locket, influencing his reactions and interfering with his emotions and usual behaviour.

You can't spend twelve hours being abused by Voldemort every 24 hours for days and days and weeks and walking away unscathed.

Harry’s scar kept prickling. It happened most often, he noticed, when he was wearing the Horcrux. Sometimes he could not stop himself reacting to the pain.

“What? What did you see?” demanded Ron, whenever he noticed Harry wince.

“A face,” muttered Harry, every time. “The same face. The thief who stole from Gregorovitch.”

And Ron would turn away, making no effort to hide his disappointment. Harry knew that Ron was hoping to hear news of his family or the rest of the Order of the Phoenix, but after all, he, Harry, was not a television aerial; he could only see what Voldemort was thinking at the time, not tune in to whatever took his fancy. Apparently Voldemort was dwelling endlessly on the unknown youth with the gleeful face, whose name and whereabouts, Harry felt sure, Voldemort knew no better than he did. As Harry’s scar continued to burn and the merry, blond-haired boy swam tantalizingly in his memory, he learned to suppress any sign of pain or discomfort, for the other two showed nothing but impatience at the mention of the thief. He could not entirely blame them, when they were so desperate for a lead on the Horcruxes

I've already mentioned that the first time Harry had Voldemort abusing him as he was wearing the locket, Harry's scar started hurting him almost as a direct consequence of Voldemort's close proximity. I've also said that having Voldemort abuse you for hours on end has lasting effects.

You can see it confirmed here, since Harry's scar "ke[eps] prickling" - though Harry's scar was more painful ever since Voldemort came back, at no point in the book did it keep prickling practically non-stop. And of course, the pain/discomfort is even more frequent and strong when he wears the locket.

Other elements are important to note here, and the most noticeable one is the disconnect between Harry and "the other two", and more particularly Harry and Ron. Harry is somewhat frustrated and hurt by his friends' reaction of impatience whenever he tells them what he saw when his scar hurts him, especially because he feels like they're somehow indifferent to his feelings of pain or discomfort, that he thinks he has to hide as a result.

This divide between the friends is even more pronounced between Harry and Ron, and that is due to the fact that, in Harry's eyes, Ron doesn't make any effort to "hide his disappointment" at the fact that Harry can't see what happened to his family. Harry feels used, and the fact that Ron prioritizes news about his family over Harry's present discomfort is a source of resentment for Harry.

As the days stretched into weeks, Harry began to suspect that Ron and Hermione were having conversations without, and about, him. Several times they stopped talking abruptly when Harry entered the tent, and twice he came accidentally upon them, huddled a little distance away, heads together and talking fast; both times they fell silent when they realized he was approaching them and hastened to appear busy collecting wood or water.

Harry could not help wondering whether they had only agreed to come on what now felt like a pointless and rambling journey because they thought he had some secret plan that they would learn in due course. Ron was making no effort to hide his bad mood, and Harry was starting to fear that Hermione too was disappointed by his poor leadership. In desperation he tried to think of further Horcrux locations, but the only one that continued to occur to him was Hogwarts, and as neither of the others thought this at all likely, he stopped suggesting it.

Again, this is not a coincidence if those two paragraphs directly follow passages that describe Voldemort's influence on Harry and a growing divide between the Harry and "the other two". It's also very easy to see that Harry was wearing the locket when he stumbled upon Ron and Hermione talking together: there is very little chance Ron and Hermione would confide in one another and try to comfort one another at times one of them would be influenced by the locket.

The first of those two paragraphs describe moments during which Harry grows more and more isolated from his best friends, who appear to leave out Harry more and more, as if Harry was trying to run after them, yet could never catch up - and their whispered conversations become a source of rumination, speculation and anxiety for Harry. It perfectly parallels his first night wearing the Horcrux, when he was alone in the darkness and Ron and Hermione were talking "behind him".

His worries, too, are a direct development of the fears that plagued his first night. Harry is not only aware that Ron and Hermione could walk away, but is now afraid that they might leave him at any moment notice. Even more than that, he's paranoid that the only reason they agreed to come was that they trusted him as leader, not because they cared about him. His insecurities about his "poor leadership", his shame at letting down his friends in one way or another, and more importantly his growing fear that they're slowly growing away from him, all of it explains "his desperation" at finding something, anything, that might convince them to stay.

Autumn rolled over the countryside as they moved through it. They were now pitching the tent on mulches of fallen leaves. Natural mists joined those cast by the dementors; wind and rain added to their troubles. The fact that Hermione was getting better at identifying edible fungi could not altogether compensate for their continuing isolation, the lack of other people’s company, or their total ignorance of what was going on in the war against Voldemort.

You have to understand that the weather and the seasons, in those parts of the seventh book, are a direct reflection of the way the Trio is feeling. The situation is slowly getting worse, as can attest the presence of wind, rain, and "natural mists". The tent, which represents their mission, is being pitched on "the fallen leaves", that might very well be a metaphor for their minds beginning to crack, or their friendship slowly dissolving under Voldemort's influence.

Several elements make the picture even more sombre and also add to their dire situation: "isolation", "the lack of other people's company", and "their total ignorance" of anything going on "in the war against Voldemort".

Now that the picture is complete, let's see what happened the fateful day they heard the conversation between Dean Thomas, Dirk Cresswell, Ted Tonks, Griphook, and Gornuk. It's interesting to note that, as we know, Ron had been wearing the locket the whole day and that Harry was already irritated by him.

He prodded moodily at the lumps of charred grey fish on his plate. Harry glanced automatically at Ron’s neck and saw, as he had expected, the golden chain of the Horcrux glinting there. He managed to fight down the impulse to swear at Ron, whose attitude would, he knew, improve slightly when the time came to take off the locket.

After that, Harry hears something outside, and the trio gets to spy on the three wizards and the two goblins. Very quickly, Harry realizes that the goblins have crucial information about the sword of Gryffindor that might be extremely useful to his quest.

Inside the tent Harry’s breathing was shallow with excitement: he and Hermione stared at each other, listening as hard as they could.“Didn’t you hear about that, Ted?” asked Dirk. “About the kids who tried to steal Gryffindor’s sword out of Snape’s office at Hogwarts?”

An electric current seemed to course through Harry, jangling his every nerve as he stood rooted to the spot.

You can clearly see how excited Harry is by his finds. But what you have to realize is that this means more than just finding a lead on the Horcruxe Hunt. In light of what I've explained above, in light of Harry's fear of having his friends walk away from him, having any new information means that he might convince his friends to stay with him.

Inside the tent, Harry closed his eyes, willing someone to ask the question he needed answered, and after a minute that seemed ten, Dean obliged: he was (Harry remembered with a jolt) an ex-boyfriend of Ginny’s too.

I simply needed to mention that at first, Harry was very anxious about Ginny's fate after she stole the sword from Snape's office.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione reeled in the Extendable Ears. Harry, who had found the need to remain silent increasingly difficult the longer they eavesdropped, now found himself unable to say more then, “Ginny - the sword -”

Harry's exclamations reflect both his priorities (Ginny's fate was the thing he thought of first, and then the sword of Gryffindor came up), and the way he was torn between his personal feelings for his ex-girlfriend and the important task at hand.

“I know!” said Hermione.

She lunged for the tiny beaded bag, this time sinking her arm in it right up to the armpit.

“Here… we… are…” she said between gritted teeth, and she pulled at something that was evidently in the depths of the bag. Slowly the edge of an ornate picture frame came into sight. Harry hurried to help her. As they lifted the empty portrait of Phineas Nigellus free of Hermione’s bag, she kept her wand pointing at it, ready to cast a spell at any moment.

“If somebody swapped the real sword for the fake while it was in Dumbledore’s office,” she panted, as they propped the painting against the side of the tent, “Phineas Nigellus would have seen it happen, he hangs right beside the case!”

“Unless he was asleep,” said Harry, but he still held his breath as Hermione knelt down in front of the empty canvas, her wand directed at its center, cleared her throat, then said: “Er - Phineas? Phineas Nigellus?”

Nothing happened.

“Phineas Nigellus?” said Hermione again. “Professor Black? Please could we talk to you? Please?”

“‘Please’ always helps,” said a cold, snide voice, and Phineas Nigellus slid into his portrait. At once, Hermione cried: “Obscura!”

A black blindfold appeared over Phineas Nigellus’s clever, dark eyes, causing him to bump into the frame and shriek with pain.

“What - how dare - what are you -?”

“I’m very sorry, Professor Black,” said Hermione, “but it’s a necessary precaution!”

“Remove this foul addition at once! Remove it, I say! You are ruining a great work of art! Where am I? What is going on?”

“Never mind where we are,” said Harry, and Phineas Nigellus froze, abandoning his attempts to peel off the painted blindfold.

“Can that possibly be the voice of the elusive Mr. Potter?”

“Maybe,” said Harry, knowing that this would keep Phineas Nigellus’s interest. “We’ve got a couple of questions to ask you about the sword of Gryffindor.”

“Ah,” said Phineas Nigellus, now turning his head this way and that in an effort to catch sight of Harry, “yes. That silly girl acted most unwisely there -”

“Shut up about my sister,” said Ron roughly.

Phineas Nigellus raised supercilious eyebrows. “Who else is here?” he asked, turning his head from side to side. “Your tone displeases me! The girl and her friends were foolhardily in the extreme. Thieving from the headmaster.”

“They weren’t thieving,” said Harry. “That sword isn’t Snape’s.”

“It belongs to Professor Snape’s school,” said Phineas Nigellus. “Exactly what claim did the Weasley girl have upon it? She deserved her punishment, as did the idiot Longbottom and the Lovegood oddity!”

“Neville is not an idiot and Luna is not an oddity!” said Hermione.

“Where am I?” repeated Phineas Nigellus, starting to wrestle with the blindfold again. “Where have you brought me? Why have you removed me from the house of my forebears?”

“Never mind that! How did Snape punish Ginny, Neville, and Luna?” asked Harry urgently

“Professor Snape sent them into the Forbidden Forest, to do some work for the oaf, Hagrid.” “Hagrid’s not an oaf!” said Hermione shrilly.

“And Snape might’ve though that was a punishment,” said Harry, “but Ginny, Neville, and Luna probably had a good laugh with Hagrid. The Forbidden Forest… they’ve faced plenty worse than the Forbidden Forest, big deal!”

He felt relieved; he had been imagining horrors, the Cruciatus Curse at the very least.

This excerpt shows once again that Harry was almost as excited as he was about the sword of Gryffindor as he was worried about Ginny (who was again his priority, since the first question he asked "urgently" to Phineas Nigellus was the way Snape had punished Ginny, Neville, and Luna). He feels "relieved" when he learns that his friends have been sent to the Forbidden Forrest with Hagrid, simply because Harry faced many terrible things in his life and is therefore desensitized to situations that are below a certain degree of horror - in that case, Harry is relieved to see his friends weren't tortured with the Cruciatus Curse.

And now that his worries about Ginny are lifted, Harry can once again focus on the task at hand and the sword of Gryffindor.

“What we really wanted to know, Professor Black, is whether anyone else has, um, taken out the sword at all? Maybe it’s been taken away for cleaning - or something!”

Phineas Nigellus paused again in his struggles to free his eyes and sniggered.

“Muggle-borns,” he said, “Goblin-made armour does not require cleaning, simple girl. Goblin’s silver repels mundane dirt, imbibing only that which strengthens it.

“Don’t call Hermione simple,” said Harry.

“I grow weary of contradiction,” said Phineas Nigellus. “perhaps it is time for me to return to the headmaster’s office.?”

Still blindfolded, he began groping the side of his frame, trying to feel his way out of his picture and back into the one at Hogwarts. Harry had a sudden inspiration.

“Dumbledore! Can’t you bring us Dumbledore?”

“I beg your pardon?” asked Phineas Nigellus.

“Professor Dumbledore’s portrait - couldn’t you bring him along, here, into yours?”

Phineas Nigellus turned his face in the direction of Harry’s voice.

“Evidently it is not only Muggle-borns who are ignorant, Potter. The portraits of Hogwarts may commune with each other, but they cannot travel outside of the castle except to visit a painting of themselves elsewhere. Dumbledore cannot come here with me, and after the treatment I have received at your hands, I can assure you that I will not be making a return visit!”

Slightly crestfallen, Harry watched Phineas redouble his attempts to leave his frame.

“Professor Black,” said Hermione, “couldn’t you just tell us, please, when was the last time the sword was taken out of its case? Before Ginny took it out, I mean?”

Phineas snorted impatiently.

“I believe that the last time I saw the sword of Gryffindor leave its case was when Professor Dumbledore used it to break open a ring.”

Hermione whipped around to look at Harry. Neither of them dared say more in front of Phineas Nigellus, who had at least managed to locate the exit.

“Well, good night to you,” he said a little waspishly, and he began to move out of sight again.

Only the edge of his hat brim remained in view when Harry gave a sudden shout.

“Wait! Have you told Snape you saw this?”

Phineas Nigellus stuck his blindfolded head back into the picture.

“Professor Snape has more important things on his mind that the many eccentricities of Albus Dumbledore. Good-bye, Potter!”

And with that, he vanished completely, leaving behind him nothing but his murky backdrop.

“Harry!” Hermione cried.

“I know!” Harry shouted. Unable to contain himself, he punched the air; it was more than he had dared to hope for.

He strode up and down the tent, feeling that he could have run a mile; he did not even feel hungry anymore. Hermione was squashing Phineas Nigellus’s back into the beaded bag; when she had fastened the clasp she threw the bag aside and raised a shining face to Harry.

“The sword can destroy Horcruxes! Goblin-made blades imbibe only that which strengthens them - Harry, that sword’s impregnated with basilisk venom!”

“And Dumbledore didn’t give it to me because he still needed it, he wanted to use it on the locket -”

“- and he must have realized they wouldn’t let you have it if he put it in his will -”

“- so he made a copy -”

“- and put a fake in the glass case -”

“- and he left the real one - where?”

They gazed at east other Harry felt that the answer was dangling invisibly in the air above them, tantalizingly close.

Why hadn’t Dumbledore told him? Or had he, in fact, told Harry, but Harry had not realized it at the time?”

“Think!” whispered Hermione. “Think! Where would he have left it?” “Not at Hogwarts,” said Harry, resuming his pacing.

“Somewhere in Hogsmeade?” suggested Hermione.

“The Shrieking Shack?” said Harry. “Nobody ever goes in there.”

“But Snape knows how to get in, wouldn’t that be a bit risky?”

“Dumbledore trusted Snape,” Harry reminded her.

“Not enough to tell him that he had swapped the swords,” said Hermione.

“Yeah, you’re right!” said Harry, and he felt even more cheered at the thought that Dumbledore had had some reservations, however faint, about Snape’s trustworthiness.

“So, would he have hidden the sword well away from Hogsmeade, then? What d’you reckon, Ron? Ron?”

At this point in time Harry is positively bursting with excitement. He can barely contain himself from talking in front of Phineas Nigellus, and "punche[s] the air" once the latter leaves. He doesn't even feel hunger anymore, he's high on adrenaline and feels unable to remain in place, feeling that "he could have run a mile", and he's even more on a high when he starts to think Dumbledore didn't entirely trust Snape.

Harry looked around. For one bewildered moment he thought that Ron had left the tent, then realized that Ron was lying in the shadow of a bunk, looking stony.

“Oh, remembered me, have you?” he said.

“What?”

Ron snorted as he stared up at the underside of the upper bunk.

“You two carry on. Don’t let me spoil your fun.”

Perplexed, Harry looked to Hermione for help, but she shook her head, apparently as nonplussed as he was.

What is clear here is that Harry has no idea what is going on - he's "perplexed", "bewildered", and "nonplussed" by what Ron is saying, and the simple interjection "What?" indicates he doesn't understand Ron.

What’s the problem?” asked Harry.

"Problem? There’s no problem,” said Ron, still refusing to look at Harry. “Not according to you, anyways.”

There were several plunks on the canvas over their heads. It had started to rain.

“Well, you’ve obviously got a problem,” said Harry. “Spit it out, will you?”

You can almost feel the tension rising: Harry dreads what Ron is going to say, because Ron's "obviously got a problem" and he's refusing to look at Harry. Plus, as I've stated earlier, the weather reflects what's happening to the trio emotionally, and here Harry's jubilation has been replaced by fearful anticipation.

Ron swung his long legs off the bed and sat up. He looked mean, unlike himself.

“All right, I’ll spit it out. Don’t expect me to skip up and down the tent because there’s some other damn thing we’ve got to find. Just add it to the list of stuff you don’t know.”

“I don’t know?” repeated Harry. “I don’t know?”

Plunk, plunk, plunk. The rain was falling harder and heavier; it pattered on the leaf-strewn bank all around them and into the river chattering through the dark. Dread doused Harry’s jubilation; Ron was saying exactly what he had suspected and feared him to be thinking.

We've gone back full circle, guys. The first night Harry wore the locket, he started being anxious about his lack of knowledge about the Horcruxe Hunt and was beginning to think that Ron and Hermione might leave at any time. As the weeks went on, he was desperate to find anything useful that would ensure Ron and Hermione wouldn't leave him because of their lack of progress and what he considered his "poor leadership", while also being resentful of his friends because they weren't "the Chosen One" (and therefore didn't have the same weight on their shoulders), and having his anger issues aggravated.

And now, you have Harry listening to Ron repeating back at him Harry's worst fears; it's not a coincidence if the word chosen here to describe what Harry's feeling is "dread". Harry is in fact already afraid of what Ron is going to do, Harry's already afraid Ron and Hermione might leave him. There's also an undercurrent of resentment in the way Harry talks about his feeling of "dread"; the fact that it replaced his "jubilation" means that Ron is "raining on his parade", if you allow me the expression - which therefore means that what Harry found about the sword is somehow not enough to keep his friend.

It's really crazy, but you'll notice that in some ways, Harry goes back and forth through the so-called "stages of grief" during the fight - in his head he's somehow already lost his friends in a way, or at least he feels like he's losing them, and his reactions show that.

Another element to notice, of course, is that the rain worsened after Ron opened up and Harry heard what he had been fearing since the first time he wore the locket.

“It’s not like I’m not having the time of my life here,” said Ron, “you know, with my arm mangled and nothing to eat and freezing my backside off every night. I just hoped, you know, after we’d been running round a few weeks, we’d have achieved something. “Ron,” Hermione said, but in such a quiet voice that Ron could pretend not to have heard it over the loud tattoo the rain was beating on the tent.

“I thought you knew what you’d signed up for,” said Harry.

“Yeah, I thought I did too.”

“So what part of it isn’t living up to your expectations?” asked Harry. Anger was coming to his defence now. “Did you think we’d be staying in five-star hotels? Finding a Horcrux every other day? Did you think you’d be back to Mummy by Christmas?”

We have no idea whether Ron actually heard Hermione here, but Harry clearly thinks he has but is so hostile that he doesn't want to listen (as shows the use of the word "pretend" here) - in some ways Ron represents Harry's insecurities in the fight, or at least he voices them.

Harry's first statement is very revealing here in the sense that he's indirectly asking Ron why Ron is here, expecting against all odds that Ron is here because he cares and not because he expected Harry to be an all-knowing great leader (well, that's why Ron is here, but Harry doesn't remember it at that point).

Yet as Harry interprets Ron's answer as a confirmation of what he was dreading (that Ron and Hermione were only here with him because they expected Harry to have a plan), Harry is extremely hurt, which immediately leads to anger (second "stage" of grief). This anger is fuelled by months of abuse at the hands of the locket, months of having his fear of abandonment and insecurities toyed with, and months of resentment against his friends piling up.

And so Harry escalates the fight, because Harry wants to see if Ron cares; he wants to see if Ron cares enough about him to stay, even if the situation is dreadful. Part of his reaction is pure resentment and hurt, but a huge part of it is also Harry lashing out at his friend for not caring enough the way Harry wants him to.

We thought you knew what you were doing!” shouted Ron, standing up, and his words pierced Harry like scalding knives. “We thought Dumbledore had told you what to do, we thought you had a real plan!”

“Ron!” said Hermione, this time clearly audible over the rain thundering on the tent roof, but again, he ignored her.

“Well, sorry to let you down,” said Harry, his voice quite calm even though he felt hollow, inadequate. “I’ve been straight with you from the start. I told you everything Dumbledore told me. And in the case you haven’t noticed, we’ve found one Horcrux -”

Ah, bargaining, now. And pain.

See how Harry feels "hollow" and "inadequate" as he tells Ron "sorry to let you down" ? Disappointing Ron and Hermione is exactly what he was most afraid of, and this is one of the reasons Harry became passive aggressive the morning he fought off the Dementors. And of course, the reason why he feels this way is that Ron just voiced the very things Voldemort had abused Harry with (his so-called lack of leadership abilities, his lack of preparation, his lack of plan...), which "pierce[s] Harry like scalding knives".

Just after that, Harry tries to explain his situation and gives one reason to counteract what Ron has said, as if he both wanted to prove his friend and his insecurities wrong and therefore convince Ron (and Hermione) to stay.

“Yeah, and we’re about as near getting rid of it as we are to finding the rest of them - nowhere effing near in other words.”

"Take off the locket, Ron,” Hermione said, her voice unusually high. “Please take it off. You wouldn’t be talking like this if you hadn’t been wearing it all day.”

“Yeah, he would,” said Harry, who did not want excuses made for Ron. “D’you think I haven’t noticed the two of you whispering behind my back? D’you think I didn’t guess you were thinking this stuff?

“Harry, we weren’t -”

Aaaaand we're back to anger.

This is the moment Harry stops wanting to listen and simply wants a fight, as far as I'm concerned. Otherwise, why refusing to let Ron remove the locket ? Why not agreeing with Hermione and let Ron cool down ? Harry knows quite well that if Ron removed the locket he indeed wouldn't talk like that, but he's too angry to care.

The truth is that Harry, at this point, actually wants to take his anger and resentment on both Ron and Hermione, letting his fears, which had been toyed with by the Horcruxe, overwhelm him. Harry wants to know if Ron and Hermione regret being here with him, and the months of mulling and getting anxious over this have become too much for him. Harry dreads the answer to the question, but he's almost begging them to say they'll be here for him, and he's so angry at them for having thoughts that sound like his fears.

“Don’t lie!” Ron hurled at her. “You said it too, you said you were disappointed, you said you’d thought he had a bit more to go on than -”

“I didn’t say it like that - Harry, I didn’t!” she cried.

The rain was pounding the tent, tears were pouring down Hermione’s face, and the excitement of a few minutes before had vanished as if it had never been, a short-lived firework that had flared and died, leaving everything dark, wet, and cold. The sword of Gryffindor was hidden they knew not where, and their were three teenagers in a tent whose only achievement was not, yet, to be dead.

“So why are you still here?” Harry asked Ron.

“Search me,” said Ron.

“Go home then,” said Harry.

Of course, Harry's description of the weather is very important, and here a direct parallel is made between the rain "pounding" the tent, and the tears "pouring down Hermione's face" (the paronomasia with the use of "pounding" and "pouring" in parallel grammatical structure making the comparison even more obvious). You can see that their fight, their pain, their isolation, their fears, all of it is reflected in the rain pounding the tent in a barely veiled metaphor. Harry describes the situation as being "dark, wet and cold", which once again refers to the weather in some way, and makes their hopelessness very clear, but is also reminiscent of the adjectives used to describe the locket - and that just after the moment Harry and Hermione were making a breakthrough to destroy the Horcruxes (if that's not suspect, I swear...) !

Harry asks Ron a second time why he's still there, though in a more direct way this time. But as Ron doesn't answer the way Harry would want him to, Harry taunts and provokes Ron, in the hope that Ron is going to prove him wrong and stay.

“Yeah, maybe I will!” shouted Ron, and he took several steps toward Harry, who did not back away. “Didn’t you hear what they said about my sister? But you don’t give a rat’s fart, do you, it’s only the Forbidden Forest, Harry I’ve-Faced-Worse Potter doesn’t care what happened to her in there - well, I do, all right, giant spiders and mental stuff -”

“I was only saying - she was with the others, they were with Hagrid -”

“Yeah, I get it, you don’t care! And what about the rest of my family, ‘the Weasleys don’t need another kid injured,’ did you hear that?”

“Yeah, I -”

“Not bothered what it meant, though?”

“Ron!” said Hermione, forcing her way between them. “I don’t think it means anything new has happened, anything we don’t know about; think, Ron, Bill’s already scared, plenty of people must have seen that George has lost an ear by now, and you’re supposed to be on your deathbed with spattergroit, I’m sure that’s all he meant -”

As an aside, I still wonder, to this day, what Harry and Hermione thought they were going to achieve knowing that Ron had the locket on him, though Harry didn't really want to deescalate the fight because he was too angry and too hurt thanks in large parts to Voldemort. Remember Harry's first day with the Horcruxe ? Remember I asked you to imagine what would've happened had they let Harry escalate the discussion with the locket on ? Neither Ron or Hermione would've been able to reason with him either.

But let's go back to the analysis.

Here, Ron actually caught Harry off guard, because he was not expecting that part of Ron's rant at all, which is why we're back to denial and bargaining. Harry tries to explain himself and of course denies Ron's claims, though Ron doesn't really let him time to fully voice his statements.

“Oh, you’re sure, are you? Right then, well, I won’t bother myself about them. It’s all right for you, isn’t it, with your parents safely out of the way -”

“My parents are dead!” Harry bellowed.

“And mine could be going the same way!” yelled Ron.

“Then GO!” roared Harry. “Go back to them, pretend you’re got over your spattergroit and Mummy’ll be able to feed you up and -”

So there are two versions of this scene, though I don't actually know which one was there first. In one version, Ron says "it's all right for you", which makes more sense considering he was talking to Hermione, and in another, Ron says "it's all right for you two", which explains Harry's reaction better.

In any case, the result is the same: Harry is positively furious against Ron (so we're back to anger) for implying, in one way or another, that Harry's parents are "safely" out of the way when they're dead, and at this point Harry just wants to lash out at Ron, though again with the hope that Ron's going to deny Harry's claims : it's not a coincidence if Harry evokes food here considering what Ron had said earlier in the evening, and it's not a coincidence if Harry basically asks Ron to choose between being with Harry or going back to his family.

Ron made a sudden movement: Harry reacted, but before either wand was clear of its owner’s pocket, Hermione had raised her own.

“Prestego!” she cried, and an invisible shield expanded between her and Harry on the one side and Ron on the other; all of them were forced backward a few steps by the strength of the spell, and Harry and Ron glared from either side of the transparent barrier as though they were seeing each other clearly for the first time. Harry felt a corrosive hatred toward Ron: Something had broken between them.

“Leave the Horcrux,” Harry said.

At this moment, Harry's too blinded by rage to truly think things through. He thinks Ron doesn't truly care about him and never has, and as a last taunt he tells Ron to leave the Horcruxe, as if Ron was already out of his life.

And then the sun and light won't come back for a while.

Winter has come.

Ron - low self-esteem, fear of oblivion, helplessness, depression, and suicidal ideations

Now let's see the same events through Ron's point of view, and I'm going to ask you something difficult: forget one minute what you know about Harry and the way he experienced things. Now you only have what Ron knows and feels to understand what happened. I know it's hard, because we view things through Harry's eyes, but at least give it a try. Obliviate ! Let's start all over again.

And above all, remember that once you have Voldemort's heart beating against your own, you're not really in control of your own behaviour anymore.

I have already dedicated part of an essay I wrote a few years ago about "mental torture in the wizarding world" to the effects the locket/Voldemort had on Ron, and I think it might be an interesting complement to this post, so I've included links to those parts of my essay below. It's particularly informative if you want to see that some of the techniques used in Guantanamo are eerily similar to what Voldemort did to Ron (part 2.2).

Of bleeding hearts and wildflowers — Mental Torture in the wizarding world (2.1) (tumblr.com)

Of bleeding hearts and wildflowers — Mental Torture in the Wizarding World (2.2.) (tumblr.com)

It'll always be more complicated to understand what exactly Ron was thinking or going through at a particular time, for the simple reason that the story is told through Harry's eyes - we therefore lose crucial information, nuance, accuracy.

Yet there are many elements that can help us see what happened. We need to take a few things into account before we get to the fight itself.

1. A very weakened physical state

The first is that, as I've noted above, the first time Harry wore the locket, Voldemort started manipulating him at the moment he was the most vulnerable, after a day of near fasting - so the weaker you are physically, the more vulnerable you are emotionally. This logic also applies to Ron in the entire period he wore the locket. We already know that Ron's worst times with the locket always coincided with a lack of food: "Whenever lack of food coincided with Ron’s turn to wear the Horcrux, he became downright unpleasant."

Furthermore, Ron had got a splinching injury right before he started wearing the locket, a splinching injury that had his arm "mangled" even months later.

A very good essay has already been written on Ron's weakened physical state in this part of the book, so I'm simply going to link it below (but to sum up: Ron never had time to recover properly after that terrible splinching injury, and his metabolism probably made things worse) :

nerdy stuff hill likes — The physiological effects Ron faced in Deathly... (tumblr.com)

@hillnerd Just to warn you I've used your essay as a reference (and yup, the review for "Waking up", chapter 7 is on its way)

2. The locket affected Ron more than Harry or Hermione

The second thing we have to notice is that the locket or Voldemort's influence on Ron was way worse than it was on Harry. Explaining in details why would be beyond the scope of this essay, but we can definitely see that it was indeed the case.

From the beginning of September to mid-November or end of November, Harry describes Ron as particularly irritable, irascible, moody, and way more so when he was wearing the locket - so Ron was in "a bad mood" practically the entire period. The only time Ron had been as tense and touchy before was in sixth year, when he was struggling with nasty bouts of anxiety and self-loathing (remember the Quidditch practice during which he "bellowed at everybody so much" that Demelza Robbins ended up in tears, and after which he confessed "I resign. I'm pathetic" ?).

Furthermore, Ron was completely helpless and unable to concentrate or contribute much during those months ("He did not seem to have any ideas himself, but expected Harry and Hermione

What is patently clear is that this behaviour is in sharp contrast with the one Ron had before the Trio started wearing the locket, since even after he bled half to death Ron wanted to help Harry and Hermione:

“I think we should take it in turns to keep watch outside the tent,” he added to Hermione, standing up and stretching. “And we’ll need to think about some food as well. You stay there,” he added sharply, as Ron attempted to sit up and turned a nasty shade of green.

Even when Ron was ill-tempered and snappish the next morning due to lack of food (given that he had only swallowed two mouthfuls of wild mushrooms and had been unable to eat more, "looking queasy"), he still wanted to act, and told Harry, after the latter threw at him to "go and fight [his] way through the Dementors" that he would if only his arm wasn't in a sling.

But what's most important here is the way Ron himself talks about his time with the locket and reacts to Voldemort-locket when he comes back (because this is an even more valuable insight into Ron's psyche than Harry's description).

How are you going to open it?” asked Ron. He looked terrified.

“I’m going to ask it to open, using Parseltongue,” said Harry. The answer came so readily to his lips that thought that he had always known it deep down: Perhaps it had taken his recent encounter with Nagini to make him realize it. He looked at the serpentine S, inlaid with glittering green stones: It was easy to visualize it as a miniscule snake, curled upon the cold rock.

“No!” said Ron. “Don’t open it! I’m serious!”

“Why not?” asked Harry. “Let’s get rid of the damn thing, it’s been months -”

“I can’t, Harry, I’m serious - you do it -”

“But why?”

“Because that thing’s bad for me!” said Ron, backing away from the locket on the rock. “I can’t handle it! I’m not making excuses, for what I was like, but it affects me worse than it affects you and Hermione, it made me think stuff - stuff that I was thinking anyway, but it made everything worse. I can’t explain it, and then I’d take it off and I’d get my head straight again, and then I’d have to put the effing thing back on - I can’t do it Harry!”

He had backed away, the sword dragging at his side, shaking his head.

“You can do it,” said Harry, “you can! You’ve just got the sword, I know it’s supposed to be you who uses it. Please just get rid of it Ron.”

The sound of his name seemed to act like a stimulant. Ron swallowed, then still breathing hard through his long nose, moved back toward the rock.

“Tell me when,” he croaked.

[...]

Ron raised the sword in his shaking hands: The point dangled over the frantically swivelling eyes, and Harry gripped the locket tightly, bracing himself, already imagining blood pouring from the empty windows.

What I will say will of course overlap a bit with the analysis I've done about mental torture, but I still need to point out a few things.

Ron's behaviour here is absolutely unprecedented and is a testimony to how terrible the torture he's been through has been. Ron is rarely described as being terrified in the books - he may be terrified for Harry, but he's seldom terrified of something. And this is literally the first time in the books Ron backs away (he does it twice in one paragraph) from something in fear (he didn't even do it when he was facing giant spiders).

He even begs Harry to do it in his place, stating that "this thing" (that is, Voldemort-locket) "is bad for him", and confesses to Harry that he's not even trying to "justify" his behaviour when he was wearing the locket, but that he simply "can't do it" and "can't handle it" (this literally means that the pain and dark thoughts are too much for him to bear). When he finally accepts to confront Voldemort, his hands are "shaking", and his voice is hoarse (the expression "he croaked" shows that his feelings are particularly intense).

What's more, Ron gives a very peculiar picture of the torture he went through: unlike Harry, who talked about "heightened fear and anxiety" to describe what he felt wearing the locket, Ron evokes a complete loss of control over his own thoughts ("I'd take it off and I'd get my head straight again" implies not that his time being tortured had no influence on him when he was not wearing the locket, but that the dark thoughts Voldemort fed him with were so prominent and so persistent he couldn't think at all when he had it on), the locket directly abusing him, and feelings of suffocation.

What I mean by feelings of suffocation is that you can clearly see that he identifies the locket as being an external "thing" or being that forces him to "think stuff", and that he went through cycles of being overwhelmed with painful, dark thoughts - dreading being overwhelmed again (as shows the expression "I'd have to put the effing thing back on", and the way he describes his experience with an accumulation of "then").

3. The nature of Ron's mental torture at the hands of Voldemort

We're not told exactly how Voldemort tortured Ron. We just know that it used his worries and low self-esteem issues, that is the stuff that "he was thinking anyway", and that Voldemort "made everything worse" and "made [Ron] think [about it]" - but we have no idea how Voldemort made Ron think about it, and how Voldemort "made everything worse". Even Ron says he can't explain it.

However, we know the kind of "stuff" that Voldemort used against Ron, though we don't know if the list is exhaustive, and the truth is that it probably isn't.

I don't understand why, but some people tend to reduce "The Silver Doe" to feelings of jealousy toward Harry - but that's not really what was being said.

Then a voice hissed from out the Horcrux.

“I have seen your heart, and it is mine.”

“Don’t listen to it!” Harry said harshly. “Stab it!”

“I have seen your dreams, Ronald Weasley, and I have seen your fears. All you desire is possible, but all that you dread is also possible…”

“Stab!” shouted Harry, his voice echoed off the surrounding trees, the sword point trembled, and Ron gazed down into Riddle’s eyes.

“Least loved, always, by the mother who craved a daughter… Least loved, now, by the girl who prefers your friend… Second best, always, eternally overshadowed…”

“Ron, stab it now!” Harry bellowed: He could feel the locket quivering in the grip and was scared of what was coming. Ron raised the sword still higher, and as he did so, Riddle’s eyes gleamed scarlet.

Out of the locket’s two windows, out of the eyes, there bloomed like two grotesque bubbles, the heads of Harry and Hermione, weirdly distorted. Ron yelled in shock and backed away as the figures blossomed out of the locket, first chests, then waists, then legs, until they stood in the locket, side by side like trees with a common root, swaying over Ron and the real Harry, who had snatched his fingers away from the locket as it burned, suddenly, white-hot.

“Ron!” he shouted, but the Riddle-Harry was now speaking with Voldemort’s voice and Ron was gazing, mesmerized, into its face.

“Why return? We were better without you, happier without you, glad of your absence… We laughed at your stupidity, your cowardice, your presumption -”

“Presumption!” echoed the Riddle-Hermione, who was more beautiful and yet more terrible than the real Hermione: she swayed, cackling, before Ron, who looked horrified, yet transfixed, the sword hanging pointlessly at his side.

“Who could look at you, who would ever look at you, beside Harry Potter? What have you ever done, compared with the Chosen One? What are you, compared with the Boy Who Lived?”

“Ron, stab it, STAB IT!” Harry yelled, but Ron did not move. His eyes were wide, and the Riddle-Harry and the Riddle-Hermione were reflected in them, their hair swirling like flames, their eyes shining red, their voices lifted in an evil duet.

“Your mother confessed,” sneered Riddle-Harry, while Riddle-Hermione jeered, “that she would have preferred me as a son, would be glad to exchange…”

“Who wouldn’t prefer him, what woman would take you, you are nothing, nothing, nothing to him,” crooned Riddle-Hermione, and she stretched like a snake and entwined herself around Riddle-Harry, wrapping him in a close embrace: their lips met.

On the ground in front of them, Ron’s face filled with anguish. he raised the sword high, his arms shaking.

His impression that he's a burden, and suicidal ideations

This feeling is embodied by the lines "Why return ? We were better without you, happier without you, glad of your absence...We laughed at your stupidity, your cowardice, your presumption...". Ron literally thought that he was useless and that Harry and Hermione would be better off without him, and even relieved to see him go away, because they'd be "happier" without him. It's also important to note that Ron has always hated feeling left out during the series, and that's precisely because he's afraid his loved ones might leave him behind (even in the first book, Ron was hurt and angry that Harry had gone on an adventure with the Invisibility Cloak without telling him).

This to me shows Ron was battling suicidal ideations during the Hunt - there is very little that is more representative of suicidal thoughts than the feeling that you are a burden for your loved ones and that everything would be much better for them if you simply disappeared.

"It is a sad fact that a universal feature of suicidal ideation is the belief no one would miss you — that you are a burden on your loved ones, that everyone would be happier without you here." (excerpt from a blog on suicide).

His fear that his loved ones don't really love him/don't care about him and even despise him

This fear is very important to understand what happened in "the Goblin's revenge", I'd say it's even one of the most important elements to understand what Ron was thinking. Ron's mind can't help but imagine that Harry and Hermione never really cared about him, that (again) they'd be "better without" him, and "happier without" him, that he's loved least, if loved at all. Even worse, he thinks his best friends think he's so horrible that they in fact despise him and would spend time together enjoying "laughing at" him and at what he considers to be his worst traits (his so-called "stupidity", "cowardice", "presumption", though there is an ellipsis here that suggests the list is endless).

Ron also thinks deep down that his mother doesn't really love him, and that he's a disappointment to her because for one, he believes she "craved a daughter", and two, he fears he doesn't live up to her expectations, which is why she'd "gladly exchange" him for Harry, who not only has a good and filial relationship with Molly, but also represents everything Ron thinks he isn't and would like to be (it's also interesting to note Neville made a very similar remark to Harry in the sixth book).

His fear that he's not worthy enough to be loved or given attention, his fear of oblivion

In a previous essay of mine, "Why did Ron date Lavender ?", I mentioned that Ron thinks he has to achieve something in order to be noticed. This was present since book 1: one of the reasons Ron wants to stand out from his brothers is that he hopes that way, he'll finally receive attention and love from his family, most particularly his parents, and even more particularly his mother. On the other hand, Ron also thinks that attention is the sign that you are worth something, a belief he has internalized over the years due to many contributing factors, including his family (and unfortunately mother's) tendency to pay attention only to noticeable achievements (and even then, if they've already been done before, they're not really all that noticeable according to Ron's description of his family expectations), his family (especially mother's) tendency to draw comparisons between the Weasley children, his peers' reactions to Harry and Hermione, and teachers' behaviour like Slughorn who couldn't remember his name and acted as if Ron wasn't there (he once looked at Ron as if he was nothing more than "cockroach cluster").

This is perfectly reflected here in the speeches of Riddle-Harry and Riddle-Hermione. They mention the word "presumption" twice, which clearly implies that Ron wants things that are way above his level (remember when Ron apologized to Harry for "thinking he could play Quidditch" ? Yes, this is exactly the kind of thought patterns I'm talking about). The things that are deemed to be "above his level" are attention and love, which simply means Ron deems himself not worthy enough of either of those things, which in turn makes his feelings irrelevant and worthless.

Riddle-Harry and Riddle-Hermione outright tell Ron that he's going to disappear into oblivion, that no one's ever going to look at him, that he's literally "nothing", word that she repeats three times.

His inferiority complex toward Harry

Many of Ron's conclusions about himself were made because of comparisons he drew between himself and his siblings, Krum, Hermione...and most noticeably Harry, who is his best friend, is almost the same age, and with whom he shared many, if not most experiences in his formative teenage years.

The comparison he drew in his hand gave him the impression that Ron is "nothing" compared to Harry, that his accomplishments are worthless (if you're reminded of the prefect scene, congratulations: that's exactly what happened there, though at the time his internal beliefs got confirmed by everybody present...and he didn't complain because he silently agreed with them). It would take way too much time to analyse every moment or every reason why Ron felt that way, but it's clearly because he thinks Harry is a hero and he a peck of dust.

His worry toward his family, and Harry's place in it

Though this is not directly mentioned in "The Silver Doe" (which is why I truly believe even the Silver Doe doesn't tell us everything about what Ron went through at the hands of Voldemort), Ron spent a huge part of the seventh book worrying about his family, and spent a lot of time in the chapter that interests us being very afraid for his family's safety and asking Harry whether he had any kind of news about them. I'd say that Ron's concerns about their lack of progress or Harry's lack of plan also stem from largely from a place of concern for his family: he's afraid they're being useless while his loved ones are dying.

It's also interesting to note that Ron has mixed feelings about Harry being part of his family. On the one hand, he considers Harry a brother and welcomed him with open arms into his family every year, and offered him his family's affection. However, part of Ron also thinks that Harry might replace Ron in the Weasley family, because Ron doesn't think he's good enough to be part of his own family. Part of Ron resents Harry for not completely considering the Weasleys his family, considering the way he reacted in "the Goblin's revenge" - so what ? Is Ron's family not good enough for Harry ? Is Harry going to replace him even though he doesn't seem to care about his family ?

Now that we're clear on the kind of things Ron was being tortured with and was struggling against, let's rewind.

*I press the button, everything's going backwards, and we're back to the first few days Ron started wearing the locket*

Ron's point of view during "The Goblin's revenge" moments described by Harry

First of all, I find it interesting that just a few hours before wearing the locket for the first time, Ron got told by Harry that his injury was more or less nothing and that he was basically using it as an excuse to be useless. I find it even more interesting that Harry doesn't tell us anything about Ron's recovery past the very first day after he got splinched. The only conclusion to that glaring omission is that Harry never enquired whether Ron was restored to health - because otherwise, we'd have been told something, anything about Ron; even Hermione's recovery after "Malfoy Manor" is better described. Yet we know that Ron's arm still hurt him two-and-a-half/three months later, since he says that his arm is "mangled" at the very beginning of the fight.

Then we've got this moment that I already analysed from Harry's point of view, when they talk about the places Horcruxes could be hidden, which, may I remind you, happened just a few days after they started wearing the locket.

“Yeah, let’s go to Albania. Shouldn’t take more than an afternoon to search an entire country,” said Ron sarcastically.

“There can’t be anything there. He’d already made five of his Horcruxes before he went into exile, and Dumbledore was certain the snake is the sixth,” said Hermione. “We know the snake’s not in Albania, it’s usually with Vol-”

“Didn’t I ask you to stop say that?”

So here the way Ron phrases the question is very evocative: he explicitly makes a reference to the fact that he asked Harry to stop saying Voldemort's name (usually Ron rather said something along the lines of "don't say his name"). Ron asked his friends not to say the name anymore after he nearly bled to death, but he had to apologize for it because he knew they found that ridiculous. There is some history behind that, since Harry directly asked Ron in fifth year when he'd start saying Voldemort's name and told him to get a grip the next year; meanwhile, Hermione shamed him for wincing when the name was being said out loud (saying things like "stop whimpering, Ron" for example).

So here you can easily imagine that not only is Ron's dealing with feelings of worthlessness, but is also resentful of Harry and hurt because he has to remind him every few seconds of something that he explicitly asked for as a small request, based on feelings of unease he had. Based on what we know, it's very likely Ron is hurt Harry doesn't seem to care enough to do such a small gesture.

“Fine! The snake is usually with You-Know-Who - happy?”

“Not particularly.”

“I can’t see him hiding anything at Borgin and Burkes.” said Harry, who had made this point many times before, but said it again simply to break the nasty silence.

“Borgin and Burke were experts at Dark objects, they would’ve recognized a Horcrux straightaway.”

Ron yawned pointedly. Repressing a strong urge to throw something at him, Harry plowed on, “I still reckon he might have hidden something at Hogwarts.”

Again, this may seem like a small thing to people who aren't currently being tortured by Voldemort, but Harry completely ignores Ron even though Ron just answered "not particularly" to the word "happy?" - because for Harry, Ron's interruption was a waste of time. Ron, however, definitely saw that as a dismissal on Harry's part, the confirmation that he didn't truly care about Ron's feelings because he deems Ron's feelings ridiculous. Ron just admitted that he wasn't well, in a way, and Harry moves on to something else...and Ron "yawn[s] pointedly" just after, because if Harry doesn't care about him, why should he care about what Harry is saying ?

Hermione sighed. “But Dumbledore would have found it, Harry!” Harry repeated the argument he kept bringing out in favour of this theory.

“Dumbledore said in front of me that he never assumed he knew all of Hogwart’s secrets. I’m telling you, if there was one place Vol-”

“Oi!”

“YOU-KNOW-WHO, then!” Harry shouted, goaded past endurance. “If there was one place that was really important to You-Know-Who, it was Hogwarts!”

“Oh, come on,” scoffed Ron. “His school?”

“Yeah, his school! It was his first real home, the place that meant he was special: it meant everything to him, and even after he left -”

“This is You-Know-Who we’re talking about, right? Not you?” inquired Ron. He was tugging at the chain of the Horcrux around his neck; Harry was visited by a desire to seize it and throttle him.

Here Ron asks Harry again to stop saying the name, and Harry yells at him for it. Ron is unable to hide his pain and his resentment, which is why he has no qualms being disdainful of Harry's suggestions as the locket repeats to him, over and over again, that Harry doesn't care about him. Ron's openly shown to find this moment unbearable, since he "tug[s] at the chain of the Horcrux", trying to get it as far away from his body as possible, as if he couldn't wait to throw it away.

Furthermore, as I've mentioned earlier, this is a period during which Ron is generally unable to concentrate because he's overwhelmed by his dark thoughts as he's being tortured by the locket, and of course can't cope with it. He's also very weak, physically, and is starving, but we know his remarks and complaints about that are met with barely hidden irritation and scorn on Harry's part. Ron in general is in a very bad mood, but what irritates Harry is that Ron can't hide it, which in turn suggests that from Ron's "I'm-having-my-head-toyed-with-by-Voldemort"'s point of view, neither Harry or Hermione care much about what's happening to him, since he's unwell and they don't see it or refuse to help him with it (it's a very common reflex among people who are suffering from deep mental health issues). It's also hard to know if Ron didn't partially thought Harry and Hermione would be better without him because of their reactions to his bad mood.

Harry’s scar kept prickling. It happened most often, he noticed, when he was wearing the Horcrux. Sometimes he could not stop himself reacting to the pain.

“What? What did you see ?” demanded Ron, whenever he noticed Harry wince.

“A face,” muttered Harry, every time. “The same face. The thief who stole from Gregorovitch.”

And Ron would turn away, making no effort to hide his disappointment. Harry knew that Ron was hoping to hear news of his family or the rest of the Order of the Phoenix, but after all, he, Harry, was not a television aerial; he could only see what Voldemort was thinking at the time, not tune in to whatever took his fancy.

We can see Ron being worried sick about his family. But what's interesting here is that, again, Ron makes no effort to hide his disappointment that Harry doesn't have any news: Ron actually wants Harry to notice it. Ron wants to discuss his worries about his family with Harry and Hermione. Ron wants Harry to be worried with him. Ron actively wants to pause the hunt for a few minutes so that what matters most to him is actively debated.

Ron does have a few moments when he can do that, that is during his few discussions with Hermione about the Horcrux hunt itself, his disappointment in their lack of progress, their common disappointment that Harry doesn't have anything more to work with, their fear of doing nothing good.

Then, the fateful day starts again.

Ron's been wearing the Horcrux for months now, and this particular day he's been wearing it all day long.

“My mother,” said Ron one night, as they sat in the tent on a riverbank in Wales, “can make good food appear out of thin air.”

This says more about Ron's worries about his family than it does about his hunger, though of course he's also unhappy about that. But the fact that the expression "my mother" is separated from the rest of the sentence puts the emphasis on the expression itself (in French we call that "emphase par détachement"). What Ron's saying here is that he misses his family terribly and is extremely worried whether he will ever be able to see them again.

I'm going to skip the slight argument between Ron and Hermione after, because I don't think there was anything particular to see behind Ron's words apart from general exhaustion. Instead, I want to make a little remark about what Ron cared about during the discussion he heard between Dean, Ted Tonks, Dirk Cresswell, Griphook and Gornuk. At no point is he shown to share Harry and Hermione's excitement about the sword. In fact, he's not seen reacting at all, yet we know exactly what he remembered from it.

Any discussion about the sword went literally over his head when he heard that part of the conversation:

“What happened to Ginny and all the others? The ones who tried to steal it?”

“Oh, they were punished, and cruelly,” said Griphook indifferently.

“They’re okay, though?” asked Ted quickly, “I mean, the Weasleys don’t need any more of their kids injured, do they?”

“They suffered no serious injury, as far as I am aware,” said Griphook.

“Lucky for them,” said Ted. “With Snape’s track record I suppose we should just be glad they’re still alive.”

So Ron was worried sick about what had happened to Ginny, who was said to have been punished "cruelly". Furthermore, the line that really retained his attention and that he was able to quote word for word to Harry was "The Weasleys don't need any more of their kids injured", which we know he took to mean that one (or more) of his siblings had been injured.

There's also something said by Dirk Cresswell just after that that was interesting and that definitely echoes some of the concerns Ron brought up afterward. Indeed, Dirk literally said that Harry (and by extension the people with Harry) are not really acting against Voldemort, are not doing anything and are hiding instead:

“Yeah, there’s a lot would like to believe he’s that, son,” said Dirk, “me included. But where is he? Run for it, by the looks of things. You’d think if he knew anything we don’t, or had anything special going for him, he’d be out there now fighting, rallying resistance, instead of hiding. And you know, the Prophet made a pretty good case against him -”

Not long after, the trio stops listening to Ted and Dirk talking, Hermione opens her bag and gets Phineas Nigellus' portrait. Ron's subdued and silent, and ruminates what he's just heard (Ron being silent is never a good sign - the only time Ron was mentioned to be very quiet was right after Arthur had been attacked by Nagini):

Harry, Ron, and Hermione reeled in the Extendable Ears. Harry, who had found the need to remain silent increasingly difficult the longer they eavesdropped, now found himself unable to say more then, “Ginny - the sword -”

“I know!” said Hermione.

She lunged for the tiny beaded bag, this time sinking her arm in it right up to the armpit.

“Here… we… are…” she said between gritted teeth, and she pulled at something that was evidently in the depths of the bag. Slowly the edge of an ornate picture frame came into sight. Harry hurried to help her. As they lifted the empty portrait of Phineas Nigellus free of Hermione’s bag, she kept her wand pointing at it, ready to cast a spell at any moment.

“If somebody swapped the real sword for the fake while it was in Dumbledore’s office,” she panted, as they propped the painting against the side of the tent, “Phineas Nigellus would have seen it happen, he hangs right beside the case!”

“Unless he was asleep,” said Harry, but he still held his breath as Hermione knelt down in front of the empty canvas, her wand directed at its center, cleared her throat, then said: “Er - Phineas? Phineas Nigellus?”

Nothing happened.

“Phineas Nigellus?” said Hermione again. “Professor Black? Please could we talk to you? Please?”

“‘Please’ always helps,” said a cold, snide voice, and Phineas Nigellus slid into his portrait. At once, Hermione cried: “Obscura!”

A black blindfold appeared over Phineas Nigellus’s clever, dark eyes, causing him to bump into the frame and shriek with pain.

“What - how dare - what are you -?”

“I’m very sorry, Professor Black,” said Hermione, “but it’s a necessary precaution!”

“Remove this foul addition at once! Remove it, I say! You are ruining a great work of art! Where am I? What is going on?”

“Never mind where we are,” said Harry, and Phineas Nigellus froze, abandoning his attempts to peel off the painted blindfold.

“Can that possibly be the voice of the elusive Mr. Potter?”

“Maybe,” said Harry, knowing that this would keep Phineas Nigellus’s interest. “We’ve got a couple of questions to ask you about the sword of Gryffindor.”

“Ah,” said Phineas Nigellus, now turning his head this way and that in an effort to catch sight of Harry, “yes. That silly girl acted most unwisely there -”

Then Ron says the only thing he'll ever say during that entire conversation, and the last thing he'll ever say before the argument breaks out:

"Shut up about my sister,” said Ron roughly.

Right (so those of you who said he only wanted an excuse to lash out at Harry can pack up and go). Ron didn't say anything at all, but he was unable to let Phineas Nigellus speak ill of his sister, and he told him "roughly" to shut up.

And then the rout begins.

You know this fight quite well by now, don't you ? So you don't need me to quote it again just so I can tell you what was going on inside Ron's head just before the argument started, though I want to remind you again that all of this is influenced by Voldemort torturing Ron. I'm going to make a list instead:

His fear of oblivion and his worry that he's a burden

Ron's first lines during the argument, lines that neither Harry or Hermione were able to understand are "Oh, remembered me, have you?" and "You two carry on. Don't let me spoil your fun". They mirror exactly what Voldemort told Ron during "The Silver Doe", that is that Harry and Hermione are better without him, happier without him and glad of his absence.

What appears is that Ron was really unwell and suffering because of the many hours spent wearing the locket that day, was also definitely worried about his family, but neither Harry or Hermione paid any attention to it. No, they were outright cheerful, Harry punching the air and Hermione beaming. And so Ron disappeared and went lying down on his bunk, though the reader doesn't know when because Harry didn't notice it. Ron became invisible to Harry's mind for 38 lines, busy as he was being overjoyed about the sword. Ron saw that he could leave and make himself invisible, and that the other two wouldn't notice - the only thing that he saw was that him being there or not made little to no difference, and that they seemed even better off and happier without him.

In other circumstances, this could have turned really, really badly. Ron deliberately making himself disappear like that just to observe Harry and Hermione's reactions and see whether they'd care/whether they'd see if he's there or not is a huge red flag for the psychology student that I am - the highway to suicidal behaviour/self-harming, if the process was not engaged then. This is another difference with the movies: in the movies, Ron isn't there for the beginning of the conversation and forces the other two to notice him; in the books, Ron leaves the conversation/goes away without Harry and Hermione noticing and he waits to see if Harry and Hermione are going to see that he's not there anymore (don't be mistaken: in an alternate universe, this would have ended up with Ron quietly leaving and hanging himself up).

2. Worry about his family, and fears that the trio is being useless

As I said above, Ron quoted Ted Tonks word for word when he asked Harry whether he had heard what had been said, and told Harry "Not bothered what it meant, though?". On top of his obvious worry for Ginny's fate in the Forbidden Forrest (he was clearly reminded of the the Acromentulas, since he explicitly brought them up during the fight, and may have remembered that Hagrid couldn't lay foot in certain areas of the Forrest because of them), all of this clearly implies he also spent part of this time when Hermione and Harry were talking to Phineas Nigellus pondering on which one of his siblings had been hurt.

More than that, Ron's worries about his families were directly linked with his fear that they (Harry, Hermione and he) weren't doing anything worthwhile, that they weren't making any real progress and were not "acting", "fighting"...while his loved ones kept getting hurt.

3. Anger and resentment toward Harry, who doesn't seem to care about the Weasleys/thinks certain types of sufferings are irrelevant

So, unfortunately for him, Harry said that right after being told that Ginny had been sent in the Forbidden Forrest, and after that completely moved on to another topic without (seemingly of course) a care in the world.

“And Snape might’ve thought that was a punishment,” said Harry, “but Ginny, Neville, and Luna probably had a good laugh with Hagrid. The Forbidden Forest… they’ve faced plenty worse than the Forbidden Forest, big deal!”

On top of worrying about his family and their lack of progress, on top of self-loathing thoughts, Ron was also listening to what was being said between Harry and Hermione...which is why he later uses Harry's statement against him and calls him "Harry 'I've-faced-worse' Potter", simply because Harry dismissed going into the Forbidden Forrest as "no big deal", something that is rather low on Harry's scale of really bad things.

And as I already mentioned in this post (https://austenpoppy.tumblr.com/post/679911050356899840/ron-was-not-really-worried-for-his-family-in-the), in light of what we know thanks to "The Silver Doe", part of what angered Ron here is that Harry seemed to think, if we were to follow his logic, that what Ron went through when he faced the giant spiders was "no big deal" - so Ron's suffering is also something that can be tossed aside and forgotten because Harry's faced worse.

Ron was hurt that Harry didn't seem to care enough about the things that mattered to him. Ron was hurt that Harry didn't seem to care enough about the Weasleys - but Ron is a Weasley too. Ron was hurt that Harry didn't seem to care about things that were beneath him.

All of this was in Ron's mind before Harry noticed that there was something amiss.

Harry looked around. For one bewildered moment he thought that Ron had left the tent, then realized that Ron was lying in the shadow of a bunk, looking stony.

“Oh, remembered me, have you?” he said.

“What?”

Ron snorted as he stared up at the underside of the upper bunk.

“You two carry on. Don’t let me spoil your fun.”

I've already mentioned what those lines mean, but let me remind you: Ron is already extremely hurt and is bitterly stating that he's invisible and that Harry and Hermione don't care about him and would barely realize whether he was there or not. Harry is surprised, and Ron snorts, bitter and pained that Harry doesn't even know what he's talking about, before being even more explicit and telling the other two that they seem better and happier without him and that he seems to be a burden.

”What’s the problem?” asked Harry.

"Problem? There’s no problem,” said Ron, still refusing to look at Harry. “Not according to you, anyways.”

There. Just like Harry, Ron's comments don't come out of nowhere. It's a result of Ron's frustration and resentment that Harry never seems to care about Ron's problems (especially during that period), as if there was no problem - because Ron's problems are insignificant.

There were several plunks on the canvas over their heads. It had started to rain.

“Well, you’ve obviously got a problem,” said Harry. “Spit it out, will you?”

Ron swung his long legs off the bed and sat up. He looked mean, unlike himself. “

“All right, I’ll spit it out. Don’t expect me to skip up and down the tent because there’s some other damn thing we’ve got to find. Just add it to the list of stuff you don’t know.”

You see me obliged to notice that Ron literally isn't himself: Harry describes him as looking "mean, unlike himself" - or, in other words, Voldemort has taken over Ron's behaviour as Ron's been wearing the locket all day and is probably feeling as terrible as one possibly can.

Of course, Ron is here voicing his worries about the mission, and the fact that they're following Harry into the dark instead of "rallying resistance" or fighting, while many people, including his own family, is getting injured and possibly killed - Ron feels useless, and he resents the fact that Harry is so focused on the mission without seeing the rest of the world around him.

But Ron is also resentful and hurt by the fact that he's expected to let his worries and his concerns aside for the mission, that he has to pretend he's perfectly fine for Harry's sake even though he really isn't - the expression "don't expect me to skip up and down the tent" speaks about the way he's supposed to act in Harry's eyes.

“I don’t know?” repeated Harry. “I don’t know?”

[…]

“It’s not like I’m not having the time of my life here,” said Ron, “you know, with my arm mangled and nothing to eat and freezing my backside off every night. I just hoped, you know, after we’d been running round a few weeks, we’d have achieved something.

In Ron's mind, here, the only thing that has retained Harry's attention isn't how Ron feels, but Ron's accusation - basically, there's no acknowledgement on Harry's part that the situation is dreadful and therefore that Ron's worries are justified.

Ron therefore gets more explicit, and talks about himself, the way he feels - hopeless and useless. So much is said in a few sentences. Ron talks about their lack of progress, and therefore his fear that they (and Ron in particular) are not really doing anything while his family is in danger. He also reminds Harry that his arm is "mangled", something that Harry hasn't been shown to display much concern for after the first few hours, and that he's starving, in the hope that this time Harry is going to understand him and sympathize with him.

Ron just wants Harry to validate his feelings and tell him that his concerns are not insignificant.

"Ron,” Hermione said, but in such a quiet voice that Ron could pretend not to have heard it over the loud tattoo the rain was beating on the tent.

“I thought you knew what you’d signed up for,” said Harry.

“Yeah, I thought I did too.”

We readers can't actually know whether Ron heard Hermione. If he did, then one can imagine that he's actually focusing on Harry because of the imbalance he resents in their relationship, with Ron having to give his everything all the time because he's not as important, and Harry taking his support without really ever acknowledging that he matters or that what he does is significant.

Ron, wearing the locket, mostly hears Harry saying that Ron should have expected to feel this way - to be starving, to be in pain, to feel hopeless and useless, and therefore that he should just accept it as being normal.

Ron's "Yeah, I thought I did too" means a lot in light of what we know. Ron is, in a way, telling Harry that he actually expected to face horrors, pain, and other terrible things; the only thing that Ron couldn't have foreseen are those feelings of uselessness and hopelessness and self-loathing plaguing his mind every single day.

He's still waiting for Harry to acknowledge that what he feels isn't insignificant.

So what part of it isn’t living up to your expectations?” asked Harry. Anger was coming to his defence now. “Did you think we’d be staying in five-star hotels? Finding a Horcrux every other day? Did you think you’d be back to Mummy by Christmas?”

“We thought you knew what you were doing!” shouted Ron, standing up, […]. “We thought Dumbledore had told you what to do, we thought you had a real plan!”

...and Harry does the exact contrary by invalidating Ron's concerns and by dismissing his feelings as ridiculous and almost slightly despicable (and so that Ron is nothing and should just shut his mouth). The use of the word "Mummy" here is particularly painful considering Ron was missing his mother right before the fight and is worried about his family as he's fighting with Harry. Harry therefore comes across as disdainful of the Weasleys in general, confirming Ron's impression that Harry doesn't care about them (though of course that's not the case, but Ron doesn't remember it at this point).

It hurts Ron so much that he "stands up" and begins shouting, voicing worries that he does have (still hoping Harry is going to prove him wrong and acknowledge he's not insignificant, that how he feels isn't insignificant), but that also allow him to lash out at Harry. Remember that in the beginning of the fight, Ron wasn't looking at Harry, refusing to tell him what was bothering him. Now that Harry doesn't seem to care and dismisses everything Ron is saying, Ron feels more justified in voicing many of his concerns, trying to get through Harry.

“Ron!” said Hermione, this time clearly audible over the rain thundering on the tent roof, but again, he ignored her.

“Well, sorry to let you down,” said Harry, his voice quite calm even though he felt hollow, inadequate. “I’ve been straight with you from the start. I told you everything Dumbledore told me. And in the case you haven’t noticed, we’ve found one Horcrux -”

“Yeah, and we’re about as near getting rid of it as we are to finding the rest of them - nowhere effing near in other words.”

"Take off the locket, Ron,” Hermione said, her voice unusually high. “Please take it off. You wouldn’t be talking like this if you hadn’t been wearing it all day.”

This time Ron is purposely ignoring Hermione, feeling hurt and resentful toward Harry.

And there's something you need to understand: the reader knows that Harry feels "hollow" and "inadequate", but Ron, wearing Voldemort-locket, doesn't. All he hears is Harry's "calm" voice, which would come across to him as uncaring and cold as Harry dismisses Ron's concerns again. For example, the "sorry to let you down" said in a calm voice can definitely be interpreted as disdainful, especially if you have Voldemort repeating over and over "You don't matter. He doesn't care. You are nothing to him."

Remember: at this point all Ron wants is acknowledgement that his concerns are not insignificant, and Harry, caught up in his own side of the argument, will never give it to him.

I also want to point out that I think Ron's so hurt and so angry, at that point, that he doesn't realize how Voldemort is abusing him anymore, which is why he doesn't remove the locket himself.

“Yeah, he would,” said Harry, who did not want excuses made for Ron. “D’you think I haven’t noticed the two of you whispering behind my back? D’you think I didn’t guess you were thinking this stuff?

“Harry, we weren’t -”

“Don’t lie!” Ron hurled at her. “You said it too, you said you were disappointed, you said you’d thought he had a bit more to go on than -”

Ron "hurl[ing] at" Hermione is more meaningful than people realize, especially in regard to the fact that he's been nothing but protective of her in the vast majority of the book. Ron "hurl[s] at her" because he's incredibly hurt that she, too, would completely invalidate his worries and deny conversations they've had together for Harry's sake, indicating that she, too, thinks Ron's nothing compared to Harry, thinks that he's nothing at all (since his concerns and feelings don't matter at all).

“So why are you still here?” Harry asked Ron.

In the same vein, Harry asking Ron why he's still here is an indication, to Ron's tortured mind, that Harry simply...doesn't need him, and that he's just a burden raining on Harry's parade. His answer is a provocation; it's a way for him to convey the question "Why am I still here if you don't care about me and if I'm useless ?", while also inviting Harry to contradict him - he's basically hoping that Harry is going to provide him with a reason to stay, that Harry is going to prove that he cares.

“Go home then,” said Harry.

“Search me,” said Ron.

See. Ron is not taking Harry's bait right away, even though Harry just dismissed Ron's entire person as if Ron being there or not made no difference to him. But Ron wants to get to Harry's heart so hard, which is why he takes "several steps toward Harry" (though it doesn't seem to affect Harry one bit, since Harry doesn't "back away"). This is also why he actually opens up a bit more about some of his deepest concerns - that Harry doesn't care about the Weasleys since he dismissed Ginny's punishment as being "no big deal" because he's faced worse, that Harry therefore doesn't care about him, that Harry thinks whatever Ron went through (namely meeting the "giant spiders") is "no big deal" either, because everything Ron does is beneath Harry.

“I was only saying - she was with the others, they were with Hagrid -”

“Yeah, I get it, you don’t care! And what about the rest of my family, ‘the Weasleys don’t need another kid injured,’ did you hear that?”

“Yeah, I -”

“Not bothered what it meant, though?”

Ron doesn't listen to Harry here because Harry doesn't acknowledge that the situation was dangerous, and blurts out what he's been really thinking and fearing for several months - that Harry "do[esn]'t care", as if it was a fact. He further confronts Harry, revealing another piece of information that's been plaguing him since the end of the discussion between Ted, Dirk, Dean, Griphook, and Gornuk, hurt that Harry hasn't seemed to notice the fact at all, or that Harry hasn't given it any thought.

Ron!” said Hermione, forcing her way between them. “I don’t think it means anything new has happened, anything we don’t know about; think, Ron, Bill’s already scared, plenty of people must have seen that George has lost an ear by now, and you’re supposed to be on your deathbed with spattergroit, I’m sure that’s all he meant -”

“Oh, you’re sure, are you? Right then, well, I won’t bother myself about them. It’s all right for you, isn’t it, with your parents safely out of the way -”

Again, what bothers Ron here is that no one acknowledges that his concerns and fears are valid, and that he is somehow supposed to swallow everything, any fear, any concern, any worry, as if he was nothing more than a robot here to serve Harry's mission because he doesn't matter.

Ron's not thinking straight at all (well he wasn't before, but at this point there's nothing but pain left). He's only a bundle of hurt feelings and resentment that he apparently doesn't matter much/that his worries don't matter.

“My parents are dead!” Harry bellowed.

“And mine could be going the same way!” yelled Ron.

“Then GO!” roared Harry. “Go back to them, pretend you’re got over your spattergroit and Mummy’ll be able to feed you up and -”

Ron made a sudden movement: Harry reacted, but before either wand was clear of its owner’s pocket, Hermione had raised her own.

That's it. Now it's too late. Ron yells at Harry that he's worried that his parents (and family) might die, and Harry (again I'm exploring Ron's point of view here) simply tells Ron to leave again, dismisses the Weasleys as "them", is disdainful of Ron's hunger, mocks him and disrespects Molly with the use of the word "Mummy", and manages to dismiss everything Ron's done so far as if it was nothing much.

“Prestego!” she cried, and an invisible shield expanded between her and Harry on the one side and Ron on the other; all of them were forced backward a few steps by the strength of the spell, and Harry and Ron glared from either side of the transparent barrier as though they were seeing each other clearly for the first time. Harry felt a corrosive hatred toward Ron: Something had broken between them.

“Leave the Horcrux,” Harry said.

I'm always befuddled whenever people say that Ron was supposed to calm down right after removing the locket. In normal circumstances people don't cool down right away, and you expect someone who's being tortured and manipulated by Voldemort right at the moment their best friend tells them to go away for the third time as if them being there made no difference (or as if they'd be happy to see them leave) to just...forget ? Ron has the locket on right at the moment he's on the other side of the barrier created by Hermione, glaring at Harry who tells us he feels "a corrosive hatred" toward Ron, and you think Ron would be fine right after removing the Horcrux (honestly I'm amazed he ever recovered that quickly) ?

Ron wrenched the chain from over his head and cast the locket into a nearby chair. He turned to Hermione.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you staying, or what?”

“I…” She looked anguished. “Yes - yes, I’m staying. Ron, we said we’d go with Harry, we said we’d help -”

“I get it. You choose him.”

So in Ron's mind at this moment, Harry thinks he's a burden that he doesn't care about and would be better without. Yet part of him still hopes Hermione doesn't see him that way, which is why he asks her the question as to whether she's staying with Harry or not. Frankly the way he comments her choice shows he was not expecting any other answer, though.

So Ron thinks his friends don't care about a nobody like him, and that he's nothing. And leaves, still under Voldemort's influence.

Winter has come again.

Hermione - fear of rejection

Surprisingly, or perhaps unsurprisingly, we're not really given any description of the influence of the locket on Hermione. However, based on what we know of Hermione and one small element, I think we can deduce the way Voldemort also manipulated Hermione.

We know that Hermione's biggest fear is failure, which in terms of relationships with others translates as rejection. We also know that Hermione is often worried about doing the right thing - it'd make sense that having the locket on would make her not only more anxious, but also less sure of herself.

And case in point, this is how Hermione reacted the moment Harry started saying weird things as he was wearing the locket:

“Of course!” cried Hermione, clapping a hand to her forehead and startling both of them into silence. “Harry, give me the locket! Come on,” she said impatiently, clicking her fingers at him when he did not react, “the Horcrux, Harry, you’re still wearing it."

And this is how she reacted when Ron started being cryptic:

“Oh, remembered me, have you?” he said.

“What?”

Ron snorted as he stared up at the underside of the upper bunk.

“You two carry on. Don’t let me spoil your fun.”

Perplexed, Harry looked to Hermione for help, but she shook her head, apparently as nonplussed as he was.

That's right. Almost no reaction. She doesn't say anything until several moments later, and when she does, she only says Ron's name very quietly.

Ron,” Hermione said, but in such a quiet voice that Ron could pretend not to have heard it over the loud tattoo the rain was beating on the tent.

Then, four lines later, she repeats Ron's name a little louder, though we're still very far from Hermione's behaviour in the first excerpt:

Ron!” said Hermione, this time clearly audible over the rain thundering on the tent roof, but again, he ignored her.

And then she acts in a very anxious way, very afraid of doing anything that might get Ron or Harry to rejects her:

“Take off the locket, Ron,” Hermione said, her voice unusually high. “Please take it off. You wouldn’t be talking like this if you hadn’t been wearing it all day.”

“Yeah, he would,” said Harry, who did not want excuses ma-de for Ron.

“D’you think I haven’t noticed the two of you whispering behind my back? D’you think I didn’t guess you were thinking this stuff?

“Harry, we weren’t -” “Don’t lie!” Ron hurled at her. “You said it too, you said you were disappointed, you said you’d thought he had a bit more to go on than -”

“I didn’t say it like that - Harry, I didn’t!” she cried.

Don't you feel like the Hermione in the first excerpt is a very different Hermione from the one who seemed so anxious during the fight in "The Goblin's Revenge" ?

Summary: what did Voldemort do ?

It's time to sum up why this entire fight is Voldemort's fault.

The very first day Harry began wearing the locket, he started thinking, due to his fear of abandonment, that his friends might walk away. Later on, undoubtedly still wearing the locket, Harry catches his friends talking without him and deduces because of Voldemort that they never really wanted to be with him and that they might leave him at any moment because of his own lack of knowledge about the Horcruxes and his own so-called poor leadership skills. Voldemort also makes sure to get Harry to resent his friends, most noticeably Ron, and brings up Harry's anger issues to the surface.

As a result, when the fight begins, Harry doesn't see his best friend anymore, but the embodiment of his insecurities that he just wants to lash out at, which is one of the reasons he refuses to let Ron remove the locket. What's more, the moment Ron starts saying that somehow the new piece of information they got isn't good enough, Harry feels as if his efforts mean nothing and just goads Ron to see if he cares enough about him to stay despite the situation.

On Ron's side, Voldemort tortures him with his low self-esteem, his obvious worries about his family's safety, his worries about the trio's lack of progress in regard to his worries about his family, his most self-loathing thoughts, his pain and resentment about his impression that his feelings don't matter and that Harry doesn't care about them and expects him to swallow everything for his sake. On top of it, Voldemort abuses Ron's already very weakened physical state to get to him more easily.

Before the fight, Voldemort pushes Ron to silently disappear to see if Harry and Hermione are going to notice and care about it (which, I repeat, is typical of people with suicidal ideations, especially people with active suicidal ideations). He forces Ron to see a credible but twisted version of reality in which Harry thinks the Weasleys don't matter, that whatever Ron and his family went through is "no big deal" because their suffering is beneath Harry's, a reality in which Harry doesn't care much about Ron and the way Ron feels.

Then Voldemort tortures Ron and manipulates him so that Ron interprets everything Harry says in that lens, without letting Harry acknowledge any of Ron's feelings because Harry, himself abused by Voldemort, is too busy interpreting Ron's words as evidence that Ron doesn't care about him. Voldemort also gets Hermione to be more subdued, so that she's too afraid to fail or say the bad thing to take charge.

Neither Harry or Ron ever really felt hatred toward one another. They were just too hurt, thinking their best friend didn't care about them, and this is all Voldemort's fault.

And think about it: isn't it strange that the fight happened precisely the moment the trio was making progress about the way they could destroy the Horcrux, right at the moment Harry and Hermione could have understand where the sword was ? Isn't it strange that Voldemort targeted the trio's friendship, that is the very element that made them strong, and targeted the one member of the group who represented friendship in particular ?

Don't you see that Voldemort either wanted to make Ron resent Harry so much that he'd kill him (which he tried to do in "The Silver Doe"), either wanted to get Ron to kill himself (repeating him over and over again that he's a burden people laugh at, that he's nothing, that his loved ones are better without him and pushing him to disappear out of their sight), either wanted to get Harry to push people away ?

As an aside, if Ron could control himself during this argument approximatively three months after being tortured by the locket for the first time, then Harry definitely never tried to cause a full-blown argument the very first day he wore the locket, right ? If Ron could control his behaviour three months after starting to wear the locket, then Harry definitely could after only one day, right ? Conclusion: if Ron was in control of himself during that fight, so could Harry this morning he couldn't fight off Dementors, and therefore Harry said a very vile thing.

Blame Voldemort for all of this. Voldemort is a master manipulator, way more evil than people give him credit for.

[designatedbreadbox]

How these Four court you

This isn't my original idea! I reread @occasionalgarbage 's 3 part series "Everyone (almost) in Liyue/Mondstat/Snezhnaya wants to date you!" I found it cool how the adults in-game would act and how they would try to court you. I got inspired by it and did my own personal insights on how they're like.

This isn't a fic, per se, but a collection of short imagines. However, if anything seems out of character for them, excuse that. This is only for four people, by the way.

Being a child of one of the richest and oldest families in Liyie, people would expect for it to have tons of pressure and need for perfection. Partially, they're right; you were taught, generally, to be kind to other people, no swearing in public, and to drink moderately, along with other rules. Most Liyue traditions were still upheld, but against other generations, your parents were somewhat strict, yet allowed you to make mistakes. Didn't mean they weren't lenient, as imges still had to be upheld, but as the one most eligible to marry, it was everything.

The crowd of suitors formed gradually, some in the fanciest suits they have. Others arrived in the oldest forms of traditional clothing, colors standing out more than others. The plaza had tables to accomodate for everyone, the magnificent food cooked by none other than Xiangling and her dad. A small curtain booth surrounded you only, allowing everyone to see your outline inside, but no exact features. You, however, were able to see everyone perfectly, already deducting which people to kick off the list as they tried to lift the curtains. Compassion and empathy were definite requirements, but any others were up to you. Invasion of privacy was one of the discreet ones you had added.

The whole "courting business" already annoyed you to no end; the seated guests were too loud and some tried talking to you through the tent. You felt bad for the Millelith, having them see the potential husbands and brides get booted off by your rigid standards. Not that you would tell anyone; only Huang Fu, your most trusted advisor, knew when to write a name off by your body cues should any of the secret rules be broken. As per instruction, he made a point to when someone was disqualified, dramatically holding the clipboard and using a fine pen to scratch a line through them. It kept everyone on edge and gave you some entertainment to see the slight worry on the suitors' faces, fearing they were disqualified. After the banquet dinner, the remaining suitors would have a certain day to themselves to make the best impression with you. Huang Fu handed you the schedule, and these were the people on the corresponding timeframes....

< Zhongli >

He walked in gracefully, dressed in something better than his normal clothes. If one knew the history to all of Liyue, one would use it to his advantage. He dripped refinement, a refreshing change from the other bumbling idiots that dared to call themselves "suitors". He sat down in front of you, giving pleasantries. Talking to him was relaxing, feeling the tenses air from the competition dissipate slowly. You were indeed interested in him; he knew all of Liyue's history, down to the forgotton gods and minor traditions that faded with time. He gifted you a small box, revealing a gorgeous earring; the gemstone it had matched you beautifully, almost as if he predicted your outfit. He walks around Liyue with you, showing you views people would dream of seeing. Like a true gentleman, he offers his gloves or coat if he thinks you need it, even if Huang Fu had a pair for you in his pocket. Qingxin flowers are gifted with Cecilias from Mondstat, usually whenever you two take a small hike around Liyue Harbor or before dinner. Needless to say, Zhongli made it passed the "first phase" with flying colors.

< Ningguang >

She gave of the same refined energy as Zhongli, but something about her gaze at you felt piercing. Like she was trying to see inside your soul. She made a slight face at your advisor's presence, wishing he would leave; yet you changed the topic by asking general questions about her. Asking how she became so rich, what strategies she used, etc. They were all answered briefly, and when she questioned you, you knew she hung onto every word. The Jade Palace was a place you frequented with her, and when walking casually, she made it seem as if you two were already married. You both looked like a couple as well, much to her pleasure. Her gifts were far more extravagant yet simple, showcasing her money and influence in any way possible. She held many secrets under her fan, ones she hints at yet doesn't share. Ones she gives the impression that you will get to hear later, after the wedding ceremony. Guards were not needed as the Jade Palace was secluded enough from the public. Neither of you were sure to leave her name or not, but you decided to, in case she truly caught you interest.

< Beidou >

Beidou had already earned herself a reputation with you as a few Milleliths informed you of her scaring away some suitors. It amazed you then and amazes you now that a pirate such as herself would be interested in something as mundane as this. It surprised no one how confidently she strolled in, seating herself gracefully. She made no changes to her wardrobe, which threw you off a bit, especially the..... lower half of her. Her dates consisted of you mainly being on her ship, but due to time restrictions, it was a small cruise to places that are within bounds to Liyue. It was strange, being on a ship with so many pirates and Millelith gaurds; you sensed Huang Fu standing closer to you than usual. Her crew were unexpectedly warm and friendly, chatting with you sometimes as if you were all old friends. Numerous glances were stolen from your fancy outfit, seeing the precious, refined silk displaying lovely designs and colors. Upon your request, Huang Fu kept her name, even if he himself was indifferent.

< Hu Tao >

By far the most loud one there. She doesn't hesitate whatsoever to strike a conversation, gleefully asking you questions and almost forgets about dinner she waits for you to respond. She doesn't try to scare you like she normally does, but she talks about how much fun she finds and them. Introduces you to the spirit she has with her, calling it her "partner in crime". As loud as she may be, she carried a certain charm about her. For someone who works in a parlor for the dead, she knows how to liven up the room. You overheard some rumors about her, describing how childish she is and although that may be true, she did know how to make someone laugh. Her humor and outgoing nature were hard to adjust to at first, but over time, you enjoyed the time spent with her. Dates were to everywhere and anywhere but Wuwang Hill, not wanting to get herself disqualified. That didn't deter her from pulling a few small jokes with you, testing the waters and was overjoyed as you didn't disprove of them. Presents from Hu Tao ranged from genuine gifts she put thought into, to funny gag gifts that admittedly made you chuckle here and there. It was much to Huang Fu's pleasure to write a check mark next to the funeral director's name.