#and you cant blame the other kids for being upset because you did very much ruin the game

[woolandcoffee]

.

[radioroxx]

THE. ISAFRIN KIDS I MENTIONED. shared little ocs of my mutuals server <3 love u collection muah muah im not tagging everyone in this tho

other doodles plus some rambling below vvv

- aurore(she/they) and philémon (he/him). they have their own nicknames etc because Who Are Isa and Sif Without Nicknames but. éile is much much more partial to use his than aurore. for her its, every now and then. for him its most of the time (like how bonnie goes by bonnie and not boniface)

- i dont remember how why we started making fankids but i do remember very early on in the conversation discussing the idea of wish kids. think that one fankid meme with the baby descending from the sky. thats a wish kid

- there are. a lot a lot of silly goofy ideas weve come up with for them (such as: isa being Not very good at hair and embarrassing himself trying to help out), but i think my brain would explode trying to remember it all lol. and type it out. feel free to ask ques abt them tho :)

- one thing we did talk about a bunch is! how siffrins background would play into it. having kids + starting a family with isabeau,, maybe feeling guilty over the culture they arent able to share. to make up for it! they! do what they can!!

theres no way to know for sure for sure if siffrins cloak is a island thing. or a family tradition. or just Something his parents did. regardless they would want to do the same for their own children! isa already makes tons and tons of outfits for em (you could imagine lol), so of course he has no issue helping out sif in this new project. (they got to help put with the design of their own cloaks though! for preference)

another thing siffrin wants to share with them is. easily. stars! the stars are something siffrin grew up knowing to be important (or well, he assumes so). so thats something they would want to share too :). maybe he cant remember their names, or constellations, or what any of it Means,, but they can still teach the science behind it! which is also very interesting!! the kinda stuff the kids would take to school the next day to impress other kids with lol

(i also just wanted an excuse to draw the family together,, can u blame me….)

- we also discussed. hypothetically if loop is still around by this point. their own feelings in this situation. its been years since the time loops were broken- years for loop to come to terms with, and mourn, etc. even still theres that feeling of bitterness that lingers, knowing they couldve had this. this couldve been them-

but also its. its hard to be angsty and upset around little kids. ehe

(we joked about loop becoming an awesome babysitter. the kids love them very much.)

ok thats all ur getting for now fjkd again feel free to ask questions weve been a little insane since yesterday

[tpwkwriter]

hellooo! i love ur writing, could u please do one where Y/n and harry talking about the nicknames they have for each other and why and harrys are really sweet and cute. (ideas of nicknames from harry to y/n: princess, sweetheart, baby, sweet girl, angel, beautiful, my girl, my love, darling, pretty girl etc.) and then liek harry starts tickling y/n and its all fluff tysm

My only Angel

Omggg tysmmmm🤍 and thank you for the request it’s absolutely adorable<3

Warnings: slight cussing, tooth rotting fluff, supperrr duperrr domestic.

— — — — —

Through this relationship pet names were always there.

Even from the very beginning.

Even if they were upset, angry or frustrated there was always a ‘love’ or ‘baby’ in the mix.

“Why you so lovey today?” Y/n asked adjusting her arm so Harry can fit closer to her side.

“Y’complaining?” He lowly asked.

“Not at all, y’okay?”

“Mmmhmm, jus’ wanna love all over you” he whines.

“Such a sap sometimes” she says dropping her phone and snuggling in further to his warmth.

“Y’ cant blame me, Y’so lovely love”

“There not kidding when they say you love love” she laughed.

“Mmhmmm, I love loveee love you” he dragged craning his head slightly to press kisses to her cheek

“I love you too harry” she replied, melting under him.

“Heyyy” he frowned, lips leaving her cheeks.

“What?”

“Y’never say Harry” he falsely pouted.

“Oh, I love you too bubs” she giggled.

“God were sickly” she added.

“Mmm, but that’s why I love us” he hummed.

“Our pet names are weird” she thought, running her free hand through his disheveled curls.

“Noooo, there cute” he answered.

“Okay bug” she giggled emphasising the last word.

“I like that oneee, it’s cute” he defended.

“What’s y’favourite?” He asked, his eyes opening to watch the girl speak.

“Uhhhh” she sighed “where do I start”

“You call me Princess only really when y’drunk but I find it sorta cute, but you melt m’heart when you say ‘darling’ or ‘poppet’” she admitted, a slight heat rising to her cheeks.

“Is tha’ so?” She smirks, his arms tightening around the girl, loving the fact he has the effect.

“And when m’sad ‘angel’ can always make me feel better” she smiles.

“Can’t have m’angel being upset” he responded pressing a kiss to her nose.

“What’s yours then?” She said eyebrows raising.

“Well, obviously the traditional, ‘babe’ n ‘baby’ not really a pet name but I find ‘H’ sweet” he said as his ringed fingers go to her chin and guide her for a sweet peck.

“I love calling you bubs!” She said, a toothy grin evident.

“Y’too cute” he said pratically melting into her soft touches.

“Y’so clingy sometimes” she blushed, pressing a kiss to the boys forehead.

“Clingy?” He said head shooting up.

“Y’really asking for it huh?”

Without another word he moved into a straddling position above the girl, giving the girl 0 time to think, his fingers found her sides and he began mercilessly tickling the girl.

“Harry” she gasped, a line of giggles leaving her mouth.

“Omg!” She yelped.

“Tell me you love me n m’the best and I’ll stop” he smiled.

“N-no- n-never” she laughed, trying her best to flail him off, but to her Knowledge his time in the gym paid off.

“alright” he smirked as continued.

“Ok-okay, baby yo-you are th- the best boyfriend and I love you so much your the best” she managed to blurt in between fits of laughter and play screaming.

“Aww thank you poppet” he emphasises, leaning down and kissing her smiley lips.

“Now get off me y’lump” she said trying not to laugh, trying to wriggle out of his hold.

“Heyyyyyy”

“Where’s this attitude come from?”

“Because you tickled meee” she dragged adding a false pout to add to the effect.

“Ohhhh babyyyyyyy” he cooed, “c’mere” Harry rolled to the left side of the girl and opened his arms wide for the girl to hide herself in just like he did previously.

“Hate you” she huffed, snuggling into him.

“That’s why y’cuddling me then?” He teased, wrapping his arms fully around the girl.

“Shut up” she mumbled

— — — — —

[cringelordofchaos]

My personal theory on why I believe Craig Tucker is an autistic-coded character.

I wish to preface this with the fact that I am neither qualified to professionally diagnose anyone, and I am not autistic (as far as I'm aware.)

To elaborate on what I mean by "autistic-coded", I am trying to say how he is most definitely not an intentional portrayal of autism, because if he were to be written with that intention, it would be glaringly obvious, it would be said out loud and, let's be honest, he would be a different character than he is now.

By autistic-coded, I moreso mean that he does exhibit a fair amount of traits commonly associated with autism, that some autistic people may identify with as well.

I will say though, he primarily aligns with a specific stereotype of Level 1 ASD/ what some people call "high functioning autism" or "asperger's syndrome" (both terms typically disliked for a multitude of reasons)

You are allowed to disagree with me, or call me a "cringe tiktok south park fan" as people have called me before (despite not using Tiktok.) I just wanted to share this headcanon of mine to someone, because it's all I've been thinking of the past week.

I also wanted to say that craig tucker, by no means, is the ultimate symbol or representation of autism. As autism is a spectrum like all else, you could put two autistic people together in a room and they could have almost nothing in common. While one autistic person may experience low empathy, another may experience high empathy. While one autistic person may be extremely sensitive to noise, another may be completely unbothered by it, or find it difficult to hear (i have a level 3 autistic classmate that is not bothered by noise whatsoever, while i get quite upset with a lot of sounds (sorry for using myself as an example here, even though im most likely allistic (not autistic), i just wanted to explain how not all autistic people are bothered by loud noise.) While one autistic person may do exceptionally well in school, another may do horribly bad. And so on, and so forth. What I am trying to say, a lot of autistic people are very different from one another, so if a person doesn't act like Craig Tucker (who happens to be a relatively common autistic stereotype), that doesnt mean theyre definitely not autistic.

So, to list some potential symptoms he exhibits.

Oppositional defiance - oppositional defiance is more commonly perceived in kids diagnosed with autism. It is when one is deemed to be defiant or disrespectful or rebellious towards a higher authority figure (at least as far as i know.) the reason why this might be more common in people with autism is due to some symtpoms and traits of autism being associated with "troublemaking" or "being rude", even though it might've jut been one's autism making them much more blunt or such, or they might not understand "politeness". Craig may be shown to express a type of oppositional defiance, and it was confirmed he is (or perhaps was) sent to the principal's office on a daily basis. Due to his reputation, even parent's of his peers believe he is a troublemaker, or a 'bad influence' on other children, and blame him on kyle, cartman, stan and kenny going missing in the episode 'pandemic' due to his reputation, despite him being the one dragged into all the chaos. I will say though craig might show less care for authority or how others perceive him, so he isn't afraid to flip off anyone or be extremely blunt, which might get him into trouble more often. he also said he doesnt know why he cant behave. he just is the way he is. Though, he appears to not be as much of a troublemaker as some may make him out to be, like when he said he never fought anyone before the episode Tweek vs Craig, and neither did he know how to. this was a bit of a stretch, but oppositional defiance is more commonly associated with autism and other neurodevelopmental disabilities so i wantedto at least mention it.

Trouble with empathy and expressing emotions - craig's voice is almost always monotone and deadpan with his voice, with a few exceptions. Typically, in autism, strange expression of tone of voice may occur, and it may be expressed in tones such as a monotone voice, even if not fitting the circumstance at hand. This is one of Craig's core traits. Like when he said "okay now there are sparks shooting out of my eyes" with literal sparks shooting out of his eyes. Or when i believe he was talking about Stripe's deaths, his voice remained monotone, despite him being shown to deeply care about Stripe. To him, having a non-monotone voice might take more effort for him than for others, so he just sticks to what he finds comfortable. His facial expressions also remain neutral most of the times, and he generally expresses less emotion than other characters. It's not that he doesn't feel emotions, or that he cares less, i believe he simply doesn't express it as much as others. There's also possibly the case with him experiencing lower empathy. Now for many people, autism may cause uniquiedifferences in empathy in comparison to one's neurotypical peers. Typically being sorted into high empathy and low empathy (low empathy being more commonly represented.) (and some people might believe that high empathy is a super power, but for many people it can be difficult to manage and it still doesn't give you the ability to communicate accordingly in an allistic society). I believe, personally, that craig experiences low empathy, which might make it more difficult for him to understand other peoples emotions and react accordingly (like in 'Put It Down'). Again, it's not that he doesnt care about peoplelike Tweek, he just might find it harder to manage emotional conversations due to him not understanding emotions much. Though despite his struggles, Tweek indirectly helps him confront this struggle, and helps him understand to think more emotionally. Hes also been said to think extremely logically, and "tries to problem solve all the time", as said by Tweek in their argument, so Craig constantly thinking logically and finding it difficult to think emotionally is a consistent and persistent trait in him. This line of thinking can also be common in some autistic people, where they might think 'too logically', which can cause difficulties in personal/emotional relationships.

Repetitive routines - i feel like this is mostly shown in Tweek vs Craig (and arguably shown in Pandemic? though idk.) When Cartman goes to his house, and lies to him telling him Tweek insulted Stripe and that they need to fight now, Craig rejected the offer saying "i cant, red racer is on." cartman says "You can watch red racer any day of the week!" to which craig responds with "i DO watch red racer every day of the week." and then after some persuation, agrees to fight Tweek tomorrow, after the daily Red Racer episode, to which cartman replies with something along the lines of "of course." Idk, i feel like you can tell how much sticking to his routine of watching red racer means to him. Autism may make you more likely to be unusually upset upon routines being broken, which might've been the reason craig refused to give up watchin red racer that day to fight Tweek. You could also say Red Racer might be a form of hyperfixation for him, which is what some people (typically neurodivergent) experience? Though it's a bit of a stretch.

He may also grow deeper attachments to fewer things than most - which can be associated with autism. He really cares about Tweek, Stripe, and probably Red Racer, and space, and that's about it. Ive also heard that many autistic people find it easier to form bonds with nonhuman animals than with humans, and that may be applicable to Craig, though im not sure.

He's also, like ive said before, extremely blunt, possibly to a fault, and to a point where others may not like his company for this reason, or may call him overly negative or rude, despite him probably thinking that there's nothing rude about telling the truth. (Primary source for this: episodes 'Pandemic' and 'pandemic 2: the startling'). Bluntness and obliviousness to social cues are common in autism from what i know.

I also wish to say that his weakness/whatever it was called again in that one south park game was listed to be "communication". for a lot of autistic people communication can be much more difficult to handle and may drain energy, especially if they are made to feel like they're doing something wrong, like being 'too weird' to talk to.

I've also heard that him flipping off people in the earlier seasons might've been a tic? though i kinda doubt that, i thought itd be worth mentioning. neurodevelopmental disorders do increase the chances of having tics. ive also heard the headcanon that him saying "sooooo happy." could be a small stim? I dont know.

He also likes things to be nice and boring, which may be considered to be atypical for kids his age.

https://www.tumblr.com/trans-dwightschrute/713647004784508928?source=share and https://www.tumblr.com/cool-island-songs/676857435610316800/craig-tucker-character-analysis-canon-overview?source=share are both posts that may cover the subject of Craig possibly being autistic.

An argument against him possibly being an unintentionally autistic character that i've heard is that he's "too normal". Yes, in comparison to the majority of the centric south park characters, Craig does appear to be pretty ordinary himself. I mean, it would be difficult for him to stand out among a cast of downright insane characters among which one of them (for example) tricked his half brother into eating his parents. But Craig Tucker's traits have still proven difficulty to him in his social life (such as his relationship with Tweek and his reputation among the parents of his classmates), and he still fits a decent amount of diagnostic criteria, so I wouldn't say him being autistic is impossible.

I will say though, he was definitely never written with the intention of being autistic, though I don't think that completely erases the value of this headcanon, so it stays true in my heart.

Anyway, sorry if i upset anyone with this post. It is simply what I had noticed in the show. Feel free to disagree with any points made here.

(Sorry if i appear to be a bit over-apolagetic during this post. I simply copy-pasted this from a Reddit post i made, and i'm honestly quite scared of most reddit users lol.)

[calypsoff3]

okay this is going to be pretty long cause I am just now catching up on the last 3 chapters lmao. i usually don’t say anything and just read from other people’s opinion but nowww i need to speak up 😂 1. okay yeah, Robyn went on tour and left her kids..BUT she was still checking in, making sure everything was okay, making sure Chris had help but Chris don’t get penalized for going on tour and not speaking to his family for damn near a year?? yeah ight. 2. yeah Chris pretty much raised the girls but when Robyn was back in their lives, she made an effort to bond with them and repair that relationship..Chris did not. he blamed her and made it known that he raised them and Robyn didn’t. that’s why the girls think their dad can do no wrong but always want to play in Robyn face. i’m not saying Chris doesn’t love his sons..but he does not like them. he doesn’t have a relationship with his father and he takes it on his sons. then wants to blame Robyn for how they act around him like SIR! you already told the girls Robyn is a bad mother so she cant repair the relationship with the girls so let her have the boys! 3. y’all keep saying Chris doesn’t remember his episode he was having and so the blame should go to Robyn..how in the entire hell does that make sense? so Robyn should be reprimanded because she knew he was having an episode, Chris didn’t, and y’all think she should give him the benefit of doubt. FUCK NO! if thats the case, Robyn needs to sit don’t and write out EVERYTHING Chris has done “during that episode” give it to Maxwell so he can give it to Chris and let him see what he has done. I can almost guarantee when Chris finds out, his perspective is going to change. 4. yes Robyn is not perfect and she has done things to trigger Chris but what y’all are failing to understand is Robyn has tried her HARDEST to accommodate Chris having a disorder. Episode or not, he is using that to get away with too much shit. You talk down on your wife with your friends MULTIPLE TIMES then get mad when she wants nothing to do with you? Robyn wants to keep the peace cause she doesn’t want her marriage to end up like her parents but damn can she catch a break please?! Chris doesn’t know how to express his feelings until he is upset so excuse Robyn for trying to get SOMETHING out of her husband. First it was the being used for sex, then guilt tripped for being in love, then the females, being called a bad mother, more females, leaving your family and not speaking to them, more females, be called fat, being played in front of his friends, & MORE DAMN FEMALES. neither one of them are innocent but like come the fuck on, stop with the pity party for Chris mane. 5. I truly don’t think Robyn thought out taking the money from Chris, I think that was an attempt to get Chris to talk to her and I ain’t mad at that cause didn’t Chris take Raihan to Jamaica to get a reaction out of Robyn cause she wasn’t talking to him? or did y’all forget that?…that’s all I got to say for now lol sorry for the long post 🙏🏾

God damn girl…. This whole post!??? Wow! No I appreciate it and everything you said is right, you have pointed out that Rih has tried.

I think we forget that Rih has tried and has put up with a lot with him, with females. He’s kissed with women so honestly, she’s already belittled herself for him. The woman is too madly in love with him and that’s her downfall with that, Chris is not a good dad to those boys so I do understand where to come from with that, he’s very stand off with them, he doesn’t delve into showing emotion. He acts like his own father and that needs to stop….

[that-sarcastic-writer]

Coach (1)

Fandom: Dylan O'Brien

Pairing: AU Dylan x Fem!Reader

Mini series summary: Being a newly single mom of two kids wasn't exactly easy. And love wasn't exactly part of your agenda. So, should you avoid lusting over your son's baseball coach? Absolutely. But with a man like Dylan, could you really resist? Probably not.

Warnings: nothing major yet, small sexual innuendo, mentions of cheating and divorce

WC: 1.9k

A/N: a yes, to those who have been following me for a while may recognize this title, it's my old Dylan AU fic. Yes I decided to continue it. Updates will come periodically, because I write spontaneously and I cant guarantee quick updates. But I do promise I wont wait a whole year to update. And since I did some slight updates in the first 2 parts I decided to archive the old ones and repost them again. So yeah, if you've read them before great, give it another read, my writing is much better now I promise and if you're new welcome, I hope you like this mini series.

(You are here, part 2, part 3)

Dylan stood by the side of the large field, near the home plate, occasionally yelling out suggestions and pointing out mistakes to the young boys. 

"Ezra! You have to watch the ball! C'mon! I know you can do better!" He called out to the blonde boy standing on the home plate with a bat in hand. Dylan then turned his attention to the dark haired boy with the baseball mitt and ball in hand.

"Roman! What's going on, buddy? You gotta focus, alright? You gotta work on that throw!" Dylan called out to the young boy, who half nodded and sighed heavily in response.

Not long after, Dylan signaled the young boys scattered throughout the large field to gather around. He spoke some encouraging words to the boys before allowing them to disperse and gather their equipment which meant practice was over.

Your son, however, stayed behind for a minute. There was an inaudible conversation happening between Dylan and your ten year-old, Roman. You watched from the bleachers as your son made some tired gestures at his coach followed by a small pat on the back from Dylan. You couldn't help but follow them with your eyes as they made their way to the bleachers, your eyes lingering a bit too long on the brown haired coach. An action that wasn't taken lightly by the female sitting beside you.

"You're staring at him again." Your best friend, Ezra's mother, Eliza -or just Liz, commented.

"I'm not." You muttered out quickly, tearing your eyes away from the handsome coach, your mouth hanging open for a couple of seconds. "I wasn't staring." You stated matter of factly and shrugged as you looked down at the small six year-old sitting on your lap, making sure she wasn't paying attention to the conversation.

"Really? The drool coming from your mouth says otherwise." Liz playfully ran her finger across your chin, pretending to wipe away at it. You slightly glared at her, an eye roll going her way.

"I'm not drooling. I wasn't even staring." You tried to defend yourself, making a small sassy gesture to her.

"Hey, I don't blame you. If I wasn't married," she took a pause as she eyed Dylan as he removed his baseball hat to run a hand through his messy chocolate locks, you couldn't help but stare as well. "I'd jump on his bones any day."

"Hey, there's young ears present." You said quietly to Liz as not to disturb the young girl in your arms.

Despite your attempt not to, you couldn't help but allow your eyes to fall once again on the field, following the handsome male that was the topic of your conversation. You had to hide the infatuated sigh that left your lips at the sight of your son's coach running around the field, talking to the kids and picking up equipment.

"Well he is handsome, I'll give him that.." You admitted quietly, "and he's really good with the kids."

Your friend smirked slightly at your words and wiggled her eyebrows at you.

"I bet that's not the only thing he's really good at." She eyed you suggestively and slightly nudged at you with her shoulder, "You should find out what other things he's good at."

Your mouth instantly fell open and your eyes widened at the insinuation.

"Eliza! Oh, my god. Don't say that." You slightly shook your head to brush off the embarrassment and hid your face on your hands to cover the crimson on your skin.

"Mommy you're warm!" Athena, your six year-old giggled as she grabbed your warm, sweaty hands. Even your daughter noticed the nervousness that crept up on you when it came to Dylan, even if it was just the topic of him. Truth was, you had been shamelessly crushing on your son's baseball coach ever since he joined the team a couple of months ago. 

Get it together, you should not be crushing on your son's baseball coach.

"I know baby, it's just hot out here." You tried to brush it off, but the knowing smirk on Liz's face wasn't exactly helping. "Thena, why don't you go get Roman and Ezra? They're over there." You pointed to the field where Roman and Ezra were talking —or more like just Ezra was, to the other kids on the team. She quickly nodded and bolted off the bleachers, somehow not tripping over the steps as she went down. You sighed heavily the moment the young girl was far enough and slightly turned your head in Liz's direction.

"You should totally ask him out." She said out of nowhere with a shrug and a smirk on her face. Your eyes widened for the hundredth time, and you instantly shook your head frantically, the idea alone giving you a headache.

"Ask Dylan out? No way. I.. No.. That's just.. No." Your cheeks slightly heat up at the preposition. But you quickly turned it down with a vigorous shake of your head, not even giving the idea a minute to sink into your brain. "No, he's Roman's coach. It's just wrong."

"Why? I mean, you're single, and as far as I know, he's very single. Soo," she dragged the 'o' as she wiggled her eyebrows and she nudged your shoulder, pushing you over a little in a high school girl manner, "Why not get ready to mingle with the hot coach?"

"First of all, I'm technically not single, not yet." You groaned with an eyeroll. As much as you and your husband —or ex-husband or whatever were no longer living together, the divorce process had been unnecessarily long and dreadful. So as much as you wanted to be legally single, you were still married to that piece of shit. 

"And second of all, if I were to date someone, which is a big if, I can't date Roman's coach out of all people. He already has enough as it is. It'll just confuse him and probably upset him more." You sighed heavily as you looked over to the side of the field, where all the boys were having a conversation about elementary boys' things. And there you saw your son, trying, and ultimately failing at joining said conversations. And with little Athena tugging at his side, all he got from the other kids was laughing and rejection.

Seeing your son's sad and hurt expression when the other boys laughed at him or even told him to go away broke your heart. You wanted him to be happy again. You wanted him to be the energetic and loving kid he was before your waste of a husband left. Ever since Ryan —your waste of a husband left, Roman hasn't been the same. 

For the past six or so months, he has been distant and seemingly unhappy. All he ever did was lock himself up in his room and play video games. He barely ever interacted with you and Athena anymore. He barely interacted with anyone, period. Once Ryan left, it was up to you to support your kids financially. Of course, their father still paid child support, but he sure as hell didn't pay your bills or everything you needed to spend on your children. Which meant you had to take him out of the fancy school he went to in order to still pay the monthly expenses of your home. And he just didn't quite fit in at school, especially now. 

So, you hoped that him joining the baseball team would change that, that it would help him open up again and that it would help him make new friends. But so far, it's worked just the opposite.

"So, I'm making dinner tonight. Do you want to come over with the kids and get drunk? Luke will watch over the kids." Liz spoke, interrupting your train of thought.

"That sounds a-mazing," you spoke in a song-like tune, a sigh of contentment leaving your lips. "But I can't. I told Roman I'd take him to that Italian place he likes."

"Tomorrow then. I'll have that Chardonnay you love so much waiting for you." She winked at you as you both stood up, ready to greet your children.

"Thank God for your alcohol stash." You joked, flinging your arms up in praise. 

You both laughed and smiled in your children's direction, but your smile dropped as your kids and Ezra approached you. Ezra was holding Athena's hand, while Roman walked behind them, with a certain heaviness on his step and an annoyed look on his face. And Athena had a small pout on her face.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Rome doesn't want to hold my hand!" Athena whined with a pout of her lower lip. She released Ezra's hand and exchanged it for your own. Ezra going to his own mom. While Roman simply stood there, with a hand stuffed into his pockets and the other messing with the strap of his bag, his gaze stuck on the ground.

"Roman, baby," you sighed softly, not wanting to give the poor kid a hard time. You understood he didn't exactly fit in, no matter how much he wanted to, and that upset him. You didn't want to add up to that. "Your sister just wanted you to hold her hand."

"She was embarrassing me.. I'm already the kid without a dad, I don't need to be the kid with an annoying  baby sister." He muttered, his gaze not once leaving the ground.

 His words were harsh, but lacked emotion. And it broke your heart. But as much as you wanted to tell him that it wasn't true, that he did have a dad, you'd be lying if you did. Ryan was already absent in your children's lives before the split, but at the same time he was there, and Roman felt as if he was. But now, his father really wasn't there, at all. And there was nothing you could do about it.

You sighed softly, gesturing your free hand out for him, "Roman, come here," a heavy sigh left the young boy's lips as he took a few steps closer, standing in front of you with his head hanging low and his eyes stuck to the ground. You used your hand to hold the side of his face, his eyes meeting with your own. "Baby, Thena just wanted to show you that she loves you. She didn't mean to embarrass you, right Thena?" You turned your attention to the small girl that hid behind your arm, her eyes glistening with tears.

The small girl sniffled and shook her head, "No.. I'm sorry Rome.. I won't do it ever again, I-I promise."

You exchanged looks between your children, your eyes finally landing on Roman as you waited for a response. You raised an eyebrow at him, your eyes speaking a silent 'and' to the boy. He eventually signed, almost too heavily, and nodded. 

"It's okay, I guess.. I don't really mind all that much." He half smiled, shrugging slightly.

Athena's expression quickly lightened, the small girl detached herself from your hand and hugged her older brother. And as much as he hated to admit it, he didn't mind the affection. He returned the hug and smiled, for a moment at least.

After a second or two, Roman slightly pushed Athena off him, signaling that that had been enough affection for a day. You breathed out softly, turning to look at Liz, who gave you a sympathetic smile in response. 

"Well my loves, off we go. Say goodbye to Auntie Liz and Ezra." Both your children did as you said. Athena hugging both of them, and Roman simply waving at them. Good enough.

And at last, you gave Liz a quick but tight hug, "I'll call you tomorrow." You said shortly before you grabbed a hold of your daughter's hand and your son's bag, and eventually parted ways.

Today was gonna be a long day.

《Here's an edited version of part 1. As always I hope y'all enjoyed it. I'm trying to get back into writing after a long year, hopefully this will help me get back on track. Let me know your thoughts. And let me know if you'd like to be added to my dylan/coach taglist which I do have》

[hnnyoongs]

akai shuichi headcanons

shuichi wears a beanie all the time because he's self conscious about hir hairline .... and I mean who can blame him? id be too

shuichi saw gin when he was visiting Japan in the 10 years ago flashback and was like ooh long hair is cool AND it'll piss ka-san off flash forward 5 years later when shuichi infiltrates the BO and is like fUck cool long hair dude is a psycho

shuichi cut his hair off when he heard akemi was killed by gin he kinda went into the whole mental breakdown mode and was like fuck this shit because he started growing his hair out cuz of gin and also akemi really liked his long hair

shuichi used to be a band kid when he lived in England and wanted to pursue a career in music (much to the chagrin of Mary) but after tsutomu disappeared he was like fuck that and stopped playing until he entered the BO

shuichi has a really bad memory about things that dont have to do anything with his job kinda like BBC's Sherlock but not as bad

shuichi used to find dead bodies when he was a kid just like shinichi but it wasn't as often maybe like a dead body once a year or something

shuichi named himself dai because that's what Mary actually wanted to name him when she was giving birth she was screaming die die die and tsutomu wasn't there yet so she was like aight die sounds like the japanese name dai the only reason shuichi wasn't named that was that tsutomu burst in and was like FUCK NO

shuichi was picked on when training for the FBI since compared to 6 foot jock white men shuichi was a 5 foot 7 asian with long hair and dressed like a teenage girl who frequented Starbucks in the toxic environment of the FBI for anyone who doesnt fit the mold shuichi had it cut out for him

shuichi showed signs of multiple mental illnesses but they were all difficult to pin down so he was never diagnosed with anything since he refused to talk at the FBI mandated therapy sessions

shuichi's type is someone who is kind but could wield a gun

he used to dislike kids but being around them as okiya has made SOME kids special in his heart

before tsutomu's disspeareance he taught shuichi how to hunt with a shotgun

shuichi lived off of sports drinks and bars whenever he was single since he couldn't rely on take out due to it being unhealthy which wouldn't help his FBI styled life

shuichi taught akemi simple self defense techniques but refuses to teach her how to shoot a gun saying he didn't want her hands to get dirty

shuichi and shukichi blackmail each other for favors by using the "ill tell ka-san you did that one thing that you blamed dad for when we were kids if u dont help me out"

scotch once told him that bourbon's type was a white milf (in reference to Elena who was white and was a mother) so shuichi was scared as fuck when rei met Mary's adult self for the first time

shuichi hates being compared to his mother but the truth is they're the most similar and they both started mimicking tsutomu after his disappearance

the only thing shuichi knew how to cook before meeting yukiko was plain white rice as that was the only thing tsutomu was able to teach him

shuichi mimics an American accent while talking in America or talking in English unless he's talking to his family or he's mentally shook up and his British accent slips out

he thinks in British accented English as well (idc if the animanga shows him thinking in japanese it makes no sense that western raised people like Jodie and camel think in japanese) but he does use some japanese like ka-san and when he's trying to get deep into his okiya persona

he tries very hard to keep the polite speech patterns of okiya Subaru since as akai shuichi he's very .. rude

shuichi's sniper skills were so good the fbi was willing to overlook his disrespect of authority and his tendency to do everything by himself without consulting everyone

shuichi slips into a British accent around James if he's feeling really comfortable

he felt bad about using shiho since she was only a year older than masumi and she hadn't done anything wrong so he vowed to get her and akemi out of the BO

he had a plan to get akemi and shiho out by convincing the higher ups to grant them immunity if they testified but akemi's death derailed the entire thing

he hates to admit it but his family is the most important thing to him he may not contact them that often but he's going to such lengths to bring his father back because he cares for his family so much

shuichi didnt really know what he wanted to do with his life once he took down his father's pursuers but after akemi and scotch he decided that if he solved his father's disappearance first he'd hunt down the BO next tho once learning that Haneda Koji’s death had something to do with the BO he's back at the thing where he doesn't know what to do with his life without revenge

he promised shukichi that he'd be the one to solve shukichi's death if what happened to Haneda kohji also happens to shukichi

he isn't a fan of dates in amusement parks but if it makes his partner happy and smile he'll have fun

dating Jodie was a quiet thing most likely from an attachment maybe due to a bad case or a loss of a mutual friend depending on the agency they might have been legally allowed to date each other but it is usually looked down upon I dont think they went out together often probably spending time together at home ... doing stuff

he identifies as bisexual it was normal to him in childhood since both Mary and tsutomu talked about their past relationships to their children he never told anyone due to the fact it would affect his FBI status since it was illegal in America shukichi and Mary know he's bi but shuichi has no idea Mary knows

akemi and shuichi would take strolls in parks go shopping and go to cafes

he's very self conscious about his height and whenever he goes to Japan it makes him feel good about himself since he's relatively tall there

Mary was the one who drilled japanese into his head not tsutomu

the last time shuichi talked to Mary was when he called her up to tell her to take masumi and leave Japan for Britain after masumi cornered him and scotch him and Mary had a whole argument and after that they stopped talking to each other, not that they talked to each other much in the first place

shuichi learned jee kun do by watching training videos from vhs tapes/cds/YouTube depending on when you consider detco taking place I personally believe conan shrinks in 2018 meaning that tsutomu disappeared in 2001 and shuichi used a mixture of tapes and cds to learn

shuichi can read people really well but has a hard time manipulating people by being nice he can use people by being a jackass very well but trying to be a normal person is hard for him

Yukiko and yusaku remind shuichi of his parents before tsutomu disappeared but like more upbeat

shuichi dislikes full body hugs

akemi and shiho were both anime and romance drama fans so he knows random things about the shows and uses that info to connect with the DB and especially haibara

he considered himself British first and foremost but when asked about whether he considers himself white or asian he'll always go with asian

he started smoking soon after his father disappeared since his father used to smoke and he needed to cope but didn't wanna fall into drugs like cocaine

smoking is heavily looked down upon in America and is seen as unprofessional which helped shuichi go undercover a bunch due to him being a heavy smoker

akemi would make him stop smoking around her and shiho saying that second hand smoking was dangerous and that shuichi who was smoking constantly was going to get lung cancer but he would tell her that he just couldn't stop smoking he did stop smoking around shiho and akemi tho going outside to do it instead

as okiya it makes him go wild because he desperately needs to smoke to cope but okiya cant smoke it doesnt fit his image so he smokes a shit ton at night during his nightly drives

shuichi forced himself not to smoke during his time visiting Japan when he met masumi because he knew Mary would get even more upset with him

shuichi was terrible driving American styled cars and he got so upset that he perfected his drive-in techiuque over the years just to spite the instructor that said he was barely passing

he likes to go on late night drives and speed on the high way because he's a thrill seeking idiot

he has no social media but he created on as okiya Subaru to keep an eye on haibara's higo stan account

he takes offense to the idea that he's stalking haibara he's just p r o t e c t i n g her

he wants shiho to be happy more than anything so he's an avid coai shipper and is exhausted in Conan's obliviousness

shuichi didnt tell shukichi he wasn't actually dead shukichi just walked up to okiya Subaru one day and was like shuuichi-ni-san right? shuichi has long stopped questioning shukichi's weird ways of knowing shit he shouldn't know

shuichi is a sherlockian but he's not like shinichi or hakuba in that he does not hate BBC's Sherlock and actually enjoys it a bit

one upside to shuichi living in America is that he gets to hoard guns because he's obsessed with them he thinks they're really cool it's like conan with Sherlock he starts yapping his mouth of about them

bourbon once dangled a gun on in front of a sleeping shuichi cuz he didnt believe scotch when he said that rye was obsessed with guns and started saying incorrect shit about the type of gun he was holding and shuichi just shot up and started berating him

shuichi hates that chianti is a killer because she's the only person who's as much as a gun fanatic as he is

he tends to steal Jodie's car a lot

he likes fucking with peoples heads it's very fun to him to watch them get all worked up

shuichi hasn't mourned his father yet because he doesnt believe his father’s dead

deep down he blames his father for his mother going slightly bonkers

he didnt want masumi to be a detective at first but now hes proud of her

he drinks a lot as okiya Subaru since he cant smoke as much

he's willing to go to hell if it means he can rip gin from limp to limp

he really hates gin yall I dont think I can convey how much he hates gin

[littlx-songbxrd]

In defense of Thomas Lightwood

An analysis

Tw. Death, Grief

We're all well aware of the letter game, and how passive agressive Thomas has been towards Alastair after the engagement party. Most people cant understand why he's so mad over rumors he already knew had been spread, and are pretty dissapointed by all the angst caused by a situation that could easily be solved by communication. Well I have a different perspective of the engagement scene, something that would explain much better why Thomas is so over the edge over this situation. Why he refuses to let Alastair apologize, and why he "has been WANTING (key word WATING" to hate him"

Thomas Lightwood hasnt been allowed to grieve. That is a fact. In the book, he decides that he needs to jump into action, that he needs to do something to prevents others from suffering the same fate his sister had. Thomas Lightwood in page never allowed himself to stop for a moment and ackwnoladge his situation. Ackwnoladge the fact his world had been turned inside out, because in his mind he couldnt grieve as long as there were others hurting. Its both a very noble thing to do, but its also a way to avoid the reality hes facing. To tricky himself out of his grieve

Grieve manifest in so many different ways, but Thomas chose to simply escape it. He threw himself so hard into finding the antidote, and then into saving christopher (Which is a fact all on its own that he literallt had his sisyer die and his cousin almost die back to back) He found ways to keep busy, to keep ignoring. But even if he ignored them, he still had them. Which is so much more painful.

Lets go back to some key components of Thomas character. Thomas is kind, to a fault. He likes to see the best in people, the best in situations. A thing that has led him to be reduced to only his kindness within his close circle. He was also very sickly when younger, to the point of smuthering. In chog, one of the key points to his arc is that he wants to break away from those stereotype he was placed. Thomas wants to be seen as more than nice, more than some cute kid, more than someone they have to protect. A lot of what he does in canon goes back to him wanting to be seen as more than what he thinks hes seen as.

And althought a great arc, it really creates tension when Thomas is in a place where he NEEDS to let himself be taken care of. For him to grieve properly, he needs to allow himself to be vulnurable. He needs to accept the love and concern of those around him, let himself be protected again even if its for a little while. A thing Thomas refuses to let himself be since he doesnt want to be vulnerable around the people he cares about. Because he fears being vulnerable will just make them go back to their old ways, and hes scared of it. He doesnt want to be protected, so in his mind he doesnt need to be

So he doesnt need to grieve

He just needs time to get over it, and he thinks that by continuing on like everything is normal he'll adventually get to it. Without anyones help

But again, this doesnt mean his grieve isnt there

It just means hes avoiding it as hard as he can, making the feelings manifest in ways Thomas wont be able to recognize. Because in his mind, hes fine. In his mind Thomas Lightwood is completley fine, so theres no explanation for his feelings.

Now lets take a look at the ball scene, knowing that his level of emotion is close to the edge, because there are so many feelings he hasnt sorted through. Hes, again, trying to distract his grieve. He must have already not being doung good, seeing as Barbara was to be engaged soon enough to oliver. Most likely she had been talking about it, and now to be at his best friends engagement party without her. His first party without her sneaking off with Oliver, nust have been hard. He tries to have a good time, and then Alastair comes. A person hes been getting close to, a person he might even consider a friend

Then Mathew says the secret, and Thomas asks him to stop. If you notice there is a gap between Mathew saying the secret and Thomas snapping at Alastair. Thomas emotions were all over the place, it was a hard time, a hard moment , and all he wanted was a decent fun evening. Maybe even a distraction from the silence at home where his sisters laughter use to be. Instead Mathew brings back years old rumor, and for a moment. Its too much for Thomas. He snaps after almost a few weeks of holding everything in.

Him snapping at Alastair has nothing to do with the rumor itself, him snapping has to do that Thomas cant deal with his emotions anymore. The rumor mathew brought back not only sent him memories of of a bad time in his family, it must have sent memories of her too. In that moment it was too much to bare for Thomas, and he snapped at Alastairs expense.

From the way Thomas behaves in the few snippets we have, and how he is handleling his grieve. I'm willing to say Thomas isnt even really angry at Alastair at all. Yes he's upset he did that, but in a way, hes using Alastair as a way to get rid of his feelings. He feels so hurt, but hes not grieving. So in his head Alastair is causing the pain, and he hates him. Hes in so much pain right now and hating Alastair is a way to get it out of his system. No one bats an eye if he hates Alastair, it makes SENSE for him to hate Alastair

Thomas needs to grieve, but hes not allowing himself the vulnerability that comes to grieve. So his unbalanced emotions lie in his hatred for Alastair. A hatred we know (thanks to the snippets) he himself DOES NOT understand. He blames it on mathew, he blames it on his parents. Thomas doesnt understand where his hatred comes, he just know he is hurt and assumes its on Alastairs behalf.

He doesnt want to believe that he feels abandoned, that his sister died and christopher almsot died. And there was a good period of time it fell only on him to make sure he didnt loose a cousin after and his sister. He doesnt want to deal with the vulnerability that he misses her, doesnt want to deal with the fact it terrified him to not be able to save christopher.

And because Alastairs actions sent him over the edge, all that pain he doesnt want to sort out he has placed on him.

Thomas Lightwood doesnt hate Alastair Carstairs because of the rumor. Thomas Lightwood hates Alastair because he doesnt know who else to blame for his emotions without realizing he misses his sister.

Tagging @doitforthecarstairs cause I promised

[nebraska-is-a-myth]

oh dreammmm. Shut up Tommy.

Okay so I was watching Tommy's stream today and it gave me this very out of character idea for my crime au.

The pilot episode: 2 & 4

Masterlist

Its a few days after the dream teams public execution that terrorized the city. 

Dream, George and sapnap are hanging out in a backstreet bar that's notoriously know to be one of the many criminal friendly bars around the city. Even though all of their faces were partially revealed to the public, nobody seemed to bat an eyelid at the trio. They didn't even look like criminals at all to be honest

They were all laughing and joking and just having an all round good time

Until dream heads home early to feed his cat, and feels a presence behind him as he walks through the streets to his apartment.

He turns round and pins the person to the alley wall just as he felt a hand near his back pocket

“Woah-o-ho okay okay” Dream swears he hears the guys voice crack

“Hey man, that's my bad. I’m sure we can work things out, just please don't shank me, my mum wants me home by 11.”

Dream furrows his eyebrows and looks the guy up and down.

Actually, now that he thinks about it, he looks more like a kid

He’s got a thin frame and straggly hair that he cant tell weather its light brown, or just dirty. His face is red but mostly pale with a few cuts and a large purpling black eye on the left side of his face. The kids facial expression takes dream by surprise. He doesn't look like someone whose being pinned to the wall by, basically a mass murderer. 

In fact, he looks like someone he knows.

“Tommy?”

This is the kid that used to follow techno everywhere.

“Well I mean yes but, h-how do you know that if you don't mind me asking big man.”

Dream releases Tommy and steps back from the wall, the kid looks confused but he follows closely behind when the taller of the two motions for him to join him out of the alley.

Tommy smirks for a second until dream turns back around

“Wallet first.”

Tommy sulks for the rest of the walk

Its a few months later and Tommy looks a bit older, he’s still covered in bruises and his hair is still dirty. He’s sat on top of one of the larger buildings in the city, swinging his legs over the edge and looking down into the street below 

He knows Wilbur will be worrying where he’s gotten to, especially since tensions in the city are so high right now, but he needed to get away. He needed time to think.

He looks up to the stars and thinks of how alone he felt when techno disappeared without a trace. Remembers feeling so upset with the world, so worthless and lost. He still thinks it was his fault the kingpin of the city went away. Maybe he had finally gotten fed up with Tommy, maybe he’d annoyed him too much, he knows he was defiantly being too clingy. And he thinks a part of him will always deem himself to be a burden to others.

But then he met dream, and life changed.

( Or rather, he pickpocketed dream and suddenly this strange man he tried to steal from wanted him in his life )

And suddenly he felt less alone

He learnt very quickly that the man he tried to pickpocket was in fact the masked man he’d been watching all over the news, and man did he annoy the hell out of the dream with the amount of questions he asked.

He didn't know why the older man wanted to keep him around, especially since he knew of his close connections to his ( former ) rival technoblade, but he was very grateful for the friendship regardless.

Dreams friends weren't as quick to trust him, and tommy didn't blame them. ( He did try to steal a number of there possessions )

He remembers the first heist dream ever brought him on. He was supposed to be on crowd control with sapnap, but one of the hostages lunged at Tommy when sapnaps back was turned, wrestling the startled kid to the ground. Tommy was never the best at winning fights, he usually just let his opponents get a few hits in and then they would usually walk away with whatever possessions he had on him, but this guy wasn't backing down. 

He hit Tommy a few times before taking the gun from his hands and pointing it in his face. He remembers this as one of the only times in his life he showed how truly scared he was infront of other people.

The guy tried to use Tommy as negotiation to let everyone out of the bank unharmed, neither sapnap nor George knew how to handle the situation, but as soon Tommy saw Dream re emerge from the vault pistol in hand, he didn't feel scared anymore.

Tommy smirks at the memory and looks up from where he was watching his feet swing back and forth, in the distance he sees the rubble of the bank and he almost wishes he could go back to that day just to see if he could tell if Dreams worry was just another ploy for the public .

The young boy hears the creak of the metal door behind him and he knows its Dream. He doesn't turn around to look at the man, he doesn't even really want to have this conversation, but he cant pretend like there's nothing wrong forever. Dream knows him now, knows his queues and quirks and even through the stress of an incoming war, he knows that Tommy's upset.

“Shouldn't you be in l’manberg”

Dream doesn't join tommy on the ledge 

“You know its not safe for you here.”

Tommy doesn't look at him

“Tommy”

“What dream!”

“Oh so its dream now is it.”

“Yeah its fucking dream”

“What the hell Tommy, what's you deal man .”

“What's my deal? I’ll tell you what my fucking deal is.”

Tommy stands up from the ledge and pushes himself into dream space. “Why were you so persistent to become my friend ay. You knew, you knew I had connections to techno, pretty fucking close connections dream. And even when the people you trusted with your life told you over and over again that I was gunna fuck you over, you went against them to keep me, fucking me in your life. Why the fuck did you want a scrawny ass, shit for brains, worthless fucking kid in you life dream? Was it to get back at techno? Was it ! Because I cant think of any other fucking reason dream!” Tommy was so caught up in his own anger he almost didn't hear dreams reply.

“He asked me to!”

Tommy's breath hitches and he feels like times stood still, for a second he forgets how to breath, how to think. He doesn't know how to feel.

Tommy watches Dreams facial expression, only just notices that he hasn't got his mask on. He watches Dream furrow his eyebrows and then soften as he try's to put his hand on Tommy's shoulder, but the younger boy just swats his hand away. “Don't touch me.” Tommy try's to be aggressive but Dream sees how tired tommy is and he notices the tears building up along his waterline.

Its a while before Tommy speaks again

 “What do you mean, he asked you to.”

“He didn't do it in person, probably would have shot him otherwise. He sent me a letter, few days after everyone realized he’d gone for good. It was smart, sending something that wasn't digital, probably would have been hacked by some shitty fangroup by now. Told me he was going, and that he probably wasn't going to come back. Told me to look out for you, to tell you not to go looking for him, and than none of this was your fault cause he knew you were a stupid kid who would blame everything on yourself.”

Tommy's a lot calmer now, he still feels tears threatening to spill but he doesn't make an effort to wipe them away. “Why didn't you tell me.”

“Didn't think it would make a difference. Thought it would just make you think I was only looking after you because of a debt.”

“Arnt you?”

“You think Id put up with your teenage bullshit for this long if I didn't care about your stupid ass.”

Tommy searches his friends face for anything, any indicator that he was telling a lie. Out in the field when his masks on he’s unreadable, his expression is worthless because everything he does is an act. But when he’s talking to his friends, in the comfort of their headquarters or their apartment, his expressions change like the weather. So when Tommy sees dream give him warm eyes and a soft smile, he cries.

He sobs and falls into dreams arms. He wraps his arms around his friend and for the first time he hugs dream without feeling like a burden of any kind and he feels like the world has been lifted from his shoulders.

Dream lets Tommy sob into his embrace for a while before he addresses the elephant in the room. “Your not safe outside l’manberg Tommy.”

“I know.” Tommy mumbles into dreams tear stained shoulder.

“You know I cant promise that your friends wont get hurt tomorrow.”

Tommy only nods at this

“Knew you'd be to stubborn to give up on this.”

Tommy smiles and lifts his head, “Have my disks thought you nothing old man.”

“Hey! I'm not that old.”

They step away from each other now, Tommy hovers at the door to the roof. The sun would start to rise soon, and he needs to get back to his part of the city before Wilbur has a heart attack. They stand there, so many things left unsaid. Tommy wants to tell dream to spare Tubbo, to make him tell the Dream smp not to kill his friend, but even Tommy's immunity is falling apart at this point. Dream wants to tell Tommy to convince his friends to surrender, he doesn't want the boy to see the bloodshed. Maybe he even wants to convince him not to take part in the war at all, but he knows his attempts would be futile.

“Hey, whatever happens out there tomorrow.”

Tommy cuts dream off and just nods “I know.”

They look at each other one last time, both wishing tomorrow would never come. Tommy's eyes water again, he knows he’s doing the right thing, for him, for his friends, and for l’manberg.

Tommy slips out the door and he never looks back

[pillage-and-lute]

Thicker Than Water (Part 8)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, (here)

Ao3 link HERE

Please note, this is pretty heavy, it deals with a lot of common insecutiries for adults with ADHD and Jaskier blames himself for a lot of things, but it’s not triggering in the traditional sense. Much of this fic has been about the ways Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and other ADHD symptoms can cause self-destructive actions, this focuses on other insecurities, common blames, and then the self-isolation that can come from guilt, even unfounded guilt.

Please remember, in this fic’s world Geralt and Jaskier actually do have a loving and pretty healthy friendship, albeit with communication issues. People fight some times, these are just ways in which RSD can mess with healthy relationships.

OTHER TW: Mentioned child abuse.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Yennefer and Ciri asked Jaskier to come down for supper that evening. Between lunch and dinner he’d napped, evidently passing out wasn’t the same as actual good-quality rest and his body was demanding it’s due. Evening came around, though and Yen took his elbow to help him stand.

They walked at a slow pace down the hall, Jaskier’s body not up for much more. Ciri stuck behind them, but the pace was embarassingly painstaking.

“Ciri,” Yennefer said. “This is a lot for Jaskier, and will take some time, why don’t you go see if they need help in the kitchen?”

Ciri gave one more concerned look at Jaskier, then bounded off. 

Yennefer steered Jaskier to an alcove in the stone of the hallway. He was embarrassed to find himself out of breath.

“What are you going to do?” She asked him. She wasn’t asking about his lungs.

“Eat supper I suppose.”

“I mean about Geralt.”

He knew she meant Geralt, and sighed. “I don't know, Ciri says I'm angry and I am...”

“But?”

“That day on the mountain I didn’t give him space,” Jaskier said, feeling a lump grow in his throat, blocking off his already small air supply.

“I never know when to give people space, I never have, I've been working on it my whole life and I still don't understand.” His chest ached. With emotion, with pneumonia, with tiredness. With shame.

“I’ve always been different, you know?” He looked up at Yennefer. He was taller than her but she sat regally, and he was hunched over, conserving his air.

“In stories being different is usually a good thing, you get cool powers and people love you, but life isn’t like that. And being different is...it’s so much worse when you’re a kid.”

“I know,” Yennefer said. Those purple eyes...she knew. She understood, probably better than anyone. There were parts of her story that Jaskier didn’t have, wasn’t entitled to, but she understood.

“I cant do things I'm not interested in, not don’t want to, can’t. Even if I am interested, they don't always get done,” Jaskier whispered, like he was confessing to a priest, not a barely-friendly witch in a cold hallway.

“I’m nothing but a ball of loose ends, tangled up and bouncing around, running into people and making them as tangled as I am,” Jaskier said. It came out half-sobbed, which upset his breathing and he began to wheeze, then cough.

“If I’m not interested in something, if nothing lights up my mind, I get so sad and tired it’s like this horrible weight.” Jaskier kept talking, feeling the emotions fighting to get out. “Being around people helps, I can get things done, be more normal. And interesting people, oh they’re the best, of course. They keep that awful sad, tired feeling away because they’re always interesting.”

He looked down at his knees, wrapped in their battered trousers.

“But I need to be around them so much,” he whispered. “And I’m too much for anyone to want around long.”

He leaned his head against the cold stone of the alcove wall, staring blankly and watching as his field of vision blurred with tears.

“I’m dramatic,” he said. 

“You’re a bard.”

Jaskier shook his head. “Dad called me a pansy, among worse things. He tried to beat it out of me. I just, I seem to feel more than other people. Happy is more happy, but sadness, fear, rejection, they’re all so much worse. I overreact and it makes me hard to deal with.”

He felt a tear roll down and get caught in the scruff on his chin. “I need people though, and I need people to like me. Crowds come and go I just needed one person to like me so I forced it to be Geralt.”

Jaskier was crying in ernest now, full tears falling and shoulders shaking, clogging up his breathing so his cries mingled painfully with coughs. Yennefer reached out and pulled at his shoulder, bringing him up from his hunched over position.

“I’m angry at him even though it was my fault,” he said, wretchedly.

“I followed him and took advantage of the fact that he doesn’t talk because he wont tell me to go away. I took advantage of his patience like that so someone could keep me around and I let myself believe that he actually wanted me around, that just one person could bear being around me. And being with him left me time to go seek out other interests, go ahead or stay behind, I never got bored and it was perfect for me and probably hell for him.”

Jaskier sniffled, looking away and studying the wall because he couldn’t bear to see the condemnation that would surely be on Yennefer’s face.

“And I fell in love with him. Which was stupid because I've been using him this entire time,” he whispered. 

“I used him for music and money, then I used him to bandage my self esteem and its all my fault.”

Jaskier finally managed to look at Yennefer and saw that she was actually rolling her eyes.

 “It’s not your fault, he was on a horse, you were walking, he could have left you behind anywhere.”

“He’s too kind to leave me to die on my own.”

“What about towns?” Yennefer asked. “What about the djinn?”

“The djinn was my fault.”

“The djinn was his fault,” Yennefer said, stubbornly.

“The djinn was my fault, I thought he was joking. He’d do that, you know? I’d ask him what he was doing and he’d say ‘cooking a unicorn’ or ‘hunting a gabledegook’ so I just thought he was joking again because I thought surely a djinn was only a story. Even if they weren’t there was no reason Geralt would want one. I made horrible wishes, they could have ruined lives, can you imagine?”

“I can.”

Of course she could. It had been stupid of him to say that, Yennefer knew better than anyone how a careless wish, or even a not so careless one, could turn out.

“I have to ask,” Jaskier said, since Yennefer didn’t seem in the mood to turn him into a salamander. “Did geralt wish for you to love him?”

“He wished for me to be bound to him the sex was just...adrenaline, magic, wanting another outsider, a little bit of the djinn. I won’t do it again.” She said, fervently.

“You don’t have to promise that, I have no claim to him,” Jaskier said.

“No one has claim to anyone,” Yennefer snapped. “But you love him. Anyway, I wasn’t telling you, I don’t want him. I don’t want sex with him I want his destiny, our destiny, nothing more.”

“I love him very much,” Jaskier said, after she settled from her outburst.

“Have you ever told him?”

Never, he might think he owes me something.”

“I think you think he’s more self sacrificing than he is. He wouldn't date you out of obligation, he’s not that sort of man.”

Jaskier tilted his head back against the stone. “But he feels guilty, for everything, all the time. What if he did it as an apology.”

“Geralt wouldn't do you the disservice of a pity relationship.” 

“We had a pity friendship.”

“You didn't.”

“We did.”

Yennefer peered at him with those strange eyes. “You love him though.”

“I do.”

“I don’t think its a lost cause.”

“I do.”

Yennefer shifted, pulling her hair over one shoulder. “When I asked earlier, I meant what do you want to do after this? Do you even want to see Geralt?”

“Oh gods I rambled and --”

“Shut up, you needed it off your chest.”

Jaskier sighed. “I always want to see Geralt, but I don't think I should be around him. He needs more space than most people and I need less. I do want an apology, I don't want him to grovel, I don’t want him to beg for me back in his life because that's a choice I want him to make on his own. I don’t even need him to tell me through speech because I know that can be hard. He could write a letter.I just...”

“And if you got an apology?”

“I intend to apologize first. I’ll apologize, maybe he’ll apologize, and that way we can at least be friendly, if not friends. And then in the spring I’ll leave, take a different path and it won’t matter anymore.”

I won’t be able to hurt him anymore, Jaskier thought, darkly.

“Nilfgaard wants you,” Yennefer warned. 

“I know,” Jaskier sighed. “I may have to fake my death or... oh!” He looked up at Yen, smiling even as he wanted to cough. 

“You can wipe my memory!”

Yennefer actually recoiled. 

Jaskier’s excitement had set off the coughing and he felt it tear through his throat and squeeze at his ribs until the fit eased.

“I’m not wiping your memory,” Yennefer said, severely.

“Why not? Yen, it’s the perfect solution, and Nilfgaard couldn’t get anything out of me.”

“And Geralt get’s his damned wish,” Yennefer snarled.

Jaskier looked down. “I know he didn’t mean it, he’s a good man, he wouldn’t wish anyone gone in that way, but yes, that wish would be granted and I’d never bother him again.”

“Geralt has a habit of making stupid wishes that he doesn’t actually want granted,” Yennefer snapped.

“You’re supposed to be on his side,” Jaskier said, smiling wetly. “It’s my fault, remember?”

“I don’t think even Geralt’s on Geralt’s side,” Yennefer said. “I won’t take your memories. You wouldn’t remember anything.”

Jaskier deflated. “I guess I’m as good as dead if I can’t remember songs or how to play the lute.”

Yennefer shifted uncomfortably.

“I would forget how to play, wouldn’t I?”

“Well...” she said. “No. You would remember anything you’d learn, knowledge isn’t memories, you know? You’d even know your songs, just not why you knew them or that you’d written them.”

“If you won’t do it, is there a mage who will? I’d only need to get to a city, how much do you think a spell like that would cost?”

Yennefer groaned. “No, bard, I’ll do it. If it’s what you still want, if you’re sure at the end of winter, yes, I’ll take your memories. It’s better than some quack doing it, or worse, turning you in to Nilfgaard but...I don’t like it.”

Jaskier was surprised to see her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “I won’t take that choice from you,” she said, blinking hard. “But I hope it’s not the one you make.” She sniffed, she tried to make it seem disdainful but it was definitely tearful. 

“Anyway,” she said. “What about Ciri? She adore’s you, if you didn’t remember her it would break her heart.”

Jaskier waved a hand. “I”m only a storyteller,” he said, wishing bitterly that it wasn’t true. “She has a whole marvelous family full of stories they can tell her.”

“Didn’t you hear her, she doesn’t feel like this is a family,” Yennefer said, sharply. 

“We’ll fix that.”

“So that you can abandon her, you mean?”

Jaskier grimaced. “It’ll be safer for her. Even if I traveled with Geralt, there’s no guarantee Nilfgaard wouldn’t take me, wouldn’t read my mind and put her in danger.” He looked Yennefer right in the eyes. “I won’t let myself hurt her.”

Yennefer hung her head. “We’ll discuss it at the end of winter,” she said. “Do you still feel up to dinner?”

Jaskier thought about it. He felt lighter, in a way, unburdening himself of the guilt he’d been carrying was better, but he was exhausted, and his chest felt raw. 

“I think I’d rather eat in my rooms,” he said sheepishly. 

He ate dinner alone, wishing he wasn’t but he was practicing giving people space, and he felt proud of himself for it. He only had to continue it, apologize, and get through the winter.

Then he’d never remember he had problems to begin with.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They will get there. Please read the note at the top, these are all very common ADHD insecurities and relationship problems. Remember, Geralt is not the villain. He needs to apologize, and he’s trying, but the villain is the insecurity.

Tag List!

@frywen-babbles @mordoriscalling @thedarkestangel1 @kerfufflezz  @samukai  @charlies-dragon @live-long-and-trek-on  @holymotherwolf @morte-mistrata @mewithanie @sharondnovels @stinastar @ionlylikemycat @annafortoday @its-the-quenchiest-stuff @kkiyomizu @so--many-fandoms @endless-whump @ineffable-monster-romancer @tookarma @seraphim-miryam  @sweetiepieplum @nerdy-numinuos @ravenclaw-dirt

[ginnyweasleywannabe]

Last Morning Alone

Written for Blackinnon Week 2021

This is the first fic I've ever written so I hope everyone likes it. I also haven't re-read or edited it because I just wanted to get something out there for the week so I do apologize for any mistakes or weird wordings. I have another blackinnon story for blackinnon week but this week has been unexpectedly busy so it might not get written during the actual week.

Last Morning Alone

Marlene was beautiful when she slept, or at least he thought so. Watching her sleep was one of his favorite things to do. The war had taken its toll on him and he didn’t sleep much so he was always up earlier than her. He would wake from his minimal sleep and turn to look down at her and just think “holy shit.” This morning was no different. If he had known it would be their last day and night alone together he night have done things differently, made love to her, made she knew how much she and she alone meant to him but he didn’t so he just watched with silent adoration.

Marlene hated that he watched her. She knew it wasn’t her best look. Marlene slept like a bear in winter, she always had. He used to tease her about falling asleep all over the castle. Sirius thought Marlene was beautiful when she slept. She looked so peaceful. Ok so maybe peaceful wasn’t the right word. She was sprawled out on her back, hands above her head, mouth wide open with a little drool. He was just happy she was sleeping, she had been having trouble the past few weeks. Marlene normally slept on her stomach, mouth closed and that’s when she was peaceful, undisturbed, like a bear in winter. But she could no longer sleep on her stomach, not with the rather large now bump that was holding his most precious little boy or girl. So she slept on her back mouth open with loud snores. A particularly loud and harsh snore pulled him from his inner monologue. She had woke herself up. Stretching her arms up and blinking a few times she came too, seeing Sirius watching her.

She hated that he watched her. She looked over and there he was just like any other morning, smiling that same stupid grin that she fell in love with. She wanted to be mad and fuss at him but she was really too tired and her back hurt. Besides it never worked because there was no real anger behind the words.

“Whatcha you looking at?”

“Some girl I brought home from a bar once and she just can’t take a hint, she just won’t leave”

Marlene let out a laugh at that. “Oh yeah, see I remember some guy practically begging me to go home with him, look where that got me” She said gesturing to the bump giggling.

Sirius rolled his eyes but reached over and pulled her closer. “Any day now you know”

“I know, believe me I literally can’t forget”

“Your back?”

Marlene just nodded and snuggled closer but Sirius was already starting to shift them so that she was sitting in front of him and he could rub he back.

These were the moments Marlene loved. Just the two of them, when he would do something so sweet without prompting. Had you asked her a few years ago if she ever saw womanizer playboy Sirius Black rubbing his wife’s back because their unborn child was making hard to sleep she would have laughed and hard. If you had asked her if she was going to be said wife she would had told you that was just impossible because she was never going to fall in love with Sirius Black. Although deep down she knew that was a lie, it had been a lie since second year but she would never admit that to anyone, not herself, and definitely not him.

“What do you want for breakfast, I think we might have some eggs” Sirius didn’t sound very confident in this statement.

“You know we’re about to have a kid, we really need to get better at stocking the pantry and stop ordering take-out”

“No” Sirius whined “This kid cant take Foo Lin’s from me, babes everyone says we have to stay true to who we are before the baby came. Look at James, He wouldn’t even get a beer with me last me week”

“Take-out and going to bars are two very different things, so I think your Foo Lin’s is safe. Besides James didn’t go out because the next morning was Harry’s first day at pre-school and you boys went out the week before.” Marlene looked back at him

“Well I’ll go check on the egg situation and you can just have a lie in” With a quick kiss, too short for his liking but he heard her stomach growl he was out the door. Returning just a few minutes later, a sheepish smile on his face.

“We’re out aren’t we?” Marlene groaned, she really was hungry.

“Bakery on 7th?”

The suggestion was music to her ears. Her whole face lit up. She hoped from the bed with a newfound energy and began waddling around to get ready to leave. Sirius just laughed at his wife’s antics. If you had asked him a few years ago if he would be a mix of excitement and nerves for a baby on the way, he would have laughed and hard. If you would have told him that the mother of his child would be spitfire Marlene McKinnon he would have called you crazy. Although he had known he was in love with her since the first moment he saw her talking to James on the platform September 1st before first year, before he knew what either of them would mean to him but he was never going to admit that to anyone but her.

He quickly dressed and helped her put on her shoes. A routine that perfected, her refusing to ask for help and attempting to reach down or bend them up to her and eventually pretending to get distracted with the paper and sit down while he would put them on without a word about it. After a satisfactory amount of time she would pretend she was done with the paper and walk to the door.

“Marlene…”

She had almost made it out the door

“Hmm” Marlene would hum pretending she didn’t know what he was about to say

“Don’t you think you’re forgetting something”

“Oh sorry babes!” She leaned gave him a hearty kiss hoping to distracted him from his original thought. It had almost worked, I mean who could blame him, his wife was hot if she wanted a snog he couldn’t refuse a pregnant women. It had almost worked. Almost.

Pulling away he softened his face “Marls…”

Huffing she reluctantly sighed out a “fineee” and held her arms up. Still as stubborn as always

Sirius began to bundle her up, a heavy coat, a scarf, and topping it off with a beanie and quick kiss to her forehead.

Rolling her eyes but still leaning her head in so he could kiss it she huffed once more as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and they exited the flat.

“You know you’re the one who keeps bring up how we shouldn’t change because of the baby and yet you treat me like I will break at the slightest chill. I’m a Scott for sakes, we can handle this London ‘fall’…. Weak city boys” Mumbling the last bit under her breath.

Sirius just listened and nodded knowing she wasn’t truly upset. I mean she was carrying precious cargo, she was precious cargo so yeah he was going to keep it up. They continued to walk to the bakery. It was a nice morning, not too cold and he had probably over done the layers but too late now.

They had entered warmth of the bakery. She was so happy to smell the blueberry muffins. Marlene kept rocking on her heels, antsy to order and get some food.

“Finally…” she mumbled and was quick to order her muffin and a coffee.

“Marlene…”

“Fine. Change the coffee to a decafe”

“Marlene…” She was eight months pregnant, he didn’t think he was being unreasonable.

“Foo Lin’s, Sirius. And its small” She turned around to pay with a satisfied smirk. Marlene knew the threat of no more take out would shut him right up.

They began the walk home, her happily munching on a muffin and his arm slung over her shoulder. As they rounded a corner he felt a splash. They stopped and he began inspecting himself wiping the wet area on the bottom of his pants

“Marlene, did you spill your coffee?” She had stopped a few feet behind him as he walked forward.

“Marlene?” He turned around expecting her to be crying. This had happened before, she would spill a drink or food and just burst into tears but he turned around and she was just standing there wide eyed and panicked.

“Sirius, that wasn’t my coffee…”

Sirius could see the wet all down her pants and it all clicked it was happening, it was really happening. He quickly closed the distance between them scooping her up and jogging as smoothly as possible to St. Mungo’s

Regulus Michael Black was born 13 hours later.

[thoughts-of-the-unheard]

oh nothing in a book has ever made me as angry as fucking pissed off as i am now about the end of chain of iron and i have a lot to say on it (i have more to say on the last few chapters of chain of iron than i did on the entirety of the folk of the air series)

ill start with being glad lucie was able to raise jesse but definite reylo vibes there and im ignoring the end of that so watch me ignore if lucie dies ill be like yea ya know shes just,,, somewhere else but i hated how many secrets she kept from fucking everyone i mean she didnt tell a single person the whole truth of anything shes got secrets on top of secrets and thats not good but hey matthews drinking isnt good either and no one but the lucie and cordelia ever really say anything about that so theres that and im not counting james’ you dont love anyone as much as you love that bottle or w/e he said bc that wasnt talking to him to try to help and get him to stop drinking that was just a hit bc they were fighting and i hate that i hate that they were fighting bc they wouldnt have been if it wasnt for that fucking bracelet and which has caused so many fucking problems that i could cry in indignation bc its not its not fucking fair james spent the last what three years of his life in a fog not being able to feel and not being able to notice his parabatai slowly spiraling into a drunken depression from something thats not his fault at all i mean yes it is his fault that his mother took the potion but it is not his fault that the baby died thats no ones fault but whoever sold him the potion and yea he shouldnt have bought it in the first place but he was kid and he thought that was the only way he could get the truth and its unfair its fucking unfair and alistair god alistair he knows what he did in school was wrong but he saw it as the only way and now hes trying to make up for it and apologise and be a better fucking person and thomas sees that and thomas loves him for that and alistair wont let himself be loved and its not fair and anna oh anna talk about not letting yourself be loved she put on such a good front she did but she shouldnt have ariadne loves her and wants to be with her fully with her but anna has to understand the stigma of that and why ariadne cant come out yet hell thats still a problem today but we wont get into that because anna clearly loves ariadne but shes too afraid of getting hurt again and frankly she should just go for it i mean so what if you get hurt again at least youll finally feel something because i know she feels nothing for all those other girls i know theyre just replacements for ariadne and it isnt fair and speaking    of   replacements    fucking grace fuck grace but fucking grace just casually destroying james life listen i dont give a shit how she grew up i couldnt care less about how tatiana treated her and how scared she was of her because if shed just fucking helped then she wouldnt have to worry about a damn thing from tatiana i mean theres a number of things grace couldve done she couldve told the merry thieves everything and they couldve defeated belial like they are now and then no one would be around to help tatiana and grace couldve told anyone in the clave about all of tatianas shit and then they wouldnt have underestimated her and she wouldve been in a proper prison and thus unable to escape so damn easily and thus not fucking able to get to grace okay shes a fucking idiot and i hate her and i hate reading about her and im fucking disappointed in her for not taking the damn bracelet off okay i had very fucking low standards for her but i hoped she would take the bracelet off and at the very least i thought she could fucking not manipulate him further like god damn girl james is a much nicer and understanding person than i am and he would try to protect her from tatiana if he knew that grace was being threatened by her if grace took the bracelet off and told him the truth he would help her i fully believe that but since he had to find out on his own he was furious as he should be but i dont think he had to be nice to her when she showed up at the end there i mean i wouldve just yanked her in the house and started yelling at her right there fuck pretending his still under that enchantment fuck talking to her in private okay id chew her out in the entryway its not like cordelia doesnt need to know she fucking does and i think her finding out by overhearing james arguing with grace is actually a fantastic way to find out because she gets to hear everything all of what james feels and all of what grace did completely unfiltered not that james would try to hide it from her but hed definitely try to soften the blow and i just think she needs to hear the whole truth and AND i really fucking hate when characters overhear only part of something and assume the worst and run away its so common and i hate it so much and i hate how she ran to matthews because i knew it was going to happen and i knew matthew was in love with her and that it was already straining their bond because no one fucking realised that james was madly fucking in love with cordelia because of that fucking bracelet have i mentioned have i mentioned how much that bracelet pisses me off i dont think i have lets get into it so how james was unable to feel properly for three years and how his head was so foggy he was unable to think properly too and how because of that he missed matthew becoming a drunk and how the merry thieves look to james as their leader so if james isnt saying anything about it then there must not be anything to say and how james was already in love with cordelia before the bracelet and thats part of why grace couldnt control him and how he loved her for years how he was in love with her for years how no one knew this not even him because everyone thought he was in love with grace how cordelia was in love with him but thought he was in love with grace how cordelia got married to him knowing she was in love with him and thinking he was in love with someone else how she could tell he wanted her but thinking he just wanted her body and that he was still in love with grace how she’d rather have some of him than none of him at all how he picked out everything in their house with cordelia in mind how he remembered that she loves chess and she never thought he would how he learned a whole other language for her how he immediately checks on her after every battle how everyone, especially cordelia, just writes all this off as who knows what because he cant be in love with cordelia if hes in love with grace and hes obviously in love with grace how no one could ever notice there was something wrong because they were feeling the effects too how james was so in love with cordelia that that love unintentionally broke an enchantment made specifically for james by a Prince Of Hell one of the most powerful beings the entire species will ever meet and i think that covers the gracelet situation but i keep thinking of the scene where the bracelet cracks when grace first went to curzon street and kissed james and james’ mind literally thinking it was cordelia because who else would he be kissing and afterward grace saying ‘i dont know who you think you were kissing, james herondale, but it wasnt me’ and im like damn right bitch get fucked but back to cordelia running to matthews okay i know she didnt know matthew was in love with her so she wasnt doing anything wrong going to him but i kept thinking they were going to kiss or something because we all know matthews in love with her and there were a bunch of hints that cordelia might be attracted to matthew and she was upset about james and i just kept thinking something bad would happen and i was right but shit i didnt think id be like that i had no idea matthew was leaving for paris and even less of an idea that cordelia would join him and the thing is i cant even be mad i cant blame her i would probably do the same thing hell id probably ask to go with and im very proud of her for saying she’d go If matthew stops drinking i really appreicate that and i hope he gets better but the all those misses how james left the house only minutes after cordelia and arrived at matthews only minutes after they left and how he could see them at the train station could see them getting on the train and leaving and leaving him behind because his sister is missing and he shouldve ran and caught them and begged them to stay if not just to help find lucie because they both think of lucie as a sister and they absolutely wouldve stayed to help her and then there would be the chance for james to explain the gracelet situation and everything would be fine it would fine eventually and everything would be okay but NO and ive said a lot but i havent even mentioned cordelia being a paladin for fucking lilith yet where did that come from i was not expecting that ill tell ya see i thought it was odd that wayland the smith would still be alive and that it wasnt mentioned in any of the other books and i thought it was odd that some apparently god-like blacksmith would be wearing such an elegant jeweled necklace and i thought it was odd that magnus would be back from the spiral labyrinth for just a day and would be staying with hypatia instead of ya know his own place but shit id never have put it together as one person let alone lilith and i cant say it came out of nowhere because it said that edom used to be liliths so it would make sense that she would want belial gone so she could have it back but still that was unexpected but im not disappointed i mean im obviously upset that cordelia is now pledged to the mother of demons and feels like she cant even touch a weapon speaking of which what did she do with cortana where did she put it she said she dealt with it which makes me nervous but we know she couldnt have broken it or anything a) because i dont think she physically can and b) emma has cortana later but i think cordelia should keep cortana close since its the only thing that can mortally would belial and apparently he only needs one more before something happens im guessing before hes like gone gone so she definitely needs cortana and lilith wants her to kill belial so i think she should and if shes stuck as liliths paladin after that and never wants to touch a weapon again so be it but get rid of belial first ya know anyway i think there was something else i wanted to say but i cant remember so if you read all of this holy shit im sorry thats a lot i hope it was entertaining at least and i hope i didnt also get you pissed off

[gay-salt-amber]

Can we get a full story on Georgi and Jeans relationship? I think its really cute from the information you gave us and I wanna know more! - :D anon

Yes I sure can! Hope you like it :D

Love On The Ice

The ice rink. A figure skaters home away from home. Some go to the ice for training, some go there for fun, some go there to cry, some go there to rage, and some go there for love. This is no different for a 25 year old French skater named Jean Douce.

Jean pov-

Walking to the rink was something I always enjoy. Sure, my bag was kinda heavy at times and the walk may be long but it gave my legs some practice moving before I step foot onto the ice tonight. Todays competition was being held at my home rink in France, which is quite nerve racking, but I can't let that show. My coach said that this may be my chance to make it to a grand prix final, but I'm not so sure. We'll see when I get there I guess. As long as I try my best, then we'll be just fine.

When I finally made it to the rink, I looked up the sign 'Lilac Ice Rink' gave me a sign of comfort. I felt at home, I felt comfortable, I felt relaxed again. I opened the door gently before walking in, waving to the blonde behind the front desk, Ms. Joy, the woman who owned the place and someone I've known since I was little.

"Good luck out there!" She said with a smile

I gave a simple nod and went to the locker room to change, I didn't here anything before I entered, making me think not many people were there, 'Weird, I guess I am kind of early though.' I opened the door and sat my stuff down on the bench I looked over to see a face I hadn't seen before. The person had a pointy hair style, all of his hair was pointed infront of him, strange hair style but not bad. He was wearing a jacket over what I assumed was the outfit he was skating in tonight. I tried to read his jacket but the back of the chair covered it and I couldn't recognize the logo, curious, I walked up to say hi to him.

"Hi!" I greeted,

He put down what I recognized was blush and looked at me, "Hello, who are you?" I grabbed a chair, pulling it over and sitting down next to him, "I'm Jean."

"Are you skating tonight?" The black haired man asked

"Yes, I'm on the French team! What about you?"

"I'm on the Russian team."

"Ooo! Cool! What's your name?"

"Georgi."

I got up and held out my hand, "Well Georgi, I hope we get along."

He scoffed and shook my hand, "Good luck."

I smiled and walked back over to my bag and got out my outfit for the night, when I was putting it on, everything was fine until I remembered that it tied in the back. Unlike some people I know, I can't reach that far back. I turned my head and saw that Georgi was still here, I'll just ask him for help.

"Hey! Georgi!"

He turned around, "Hm?"

"Can you," I pointed to the ties, "Tie this for me?"

He rose to his feet and walked over, "Sure, but don't blame me if it looks awful."

I laughed, "Heh, I think it'll look fine, I mean, if you can make your face look so pretty, you can probably tie a knot pretty well too."

Georgi paused for a moment before going back to tying the knot, "Don't say stuff like that."

"Awh cmon! Its just a compliment!"

The cloth on my back tightened and the feeling of hands on his back left, "There its tied."

"Thanks!"

He grabbed his bag, waved and exited the locker room, the door slamming behind him.

'I think we'll get along well.'

A while later, Georgi pov-

I stood, leaning on the wall of the rink, deep in thought. Who was that Jean boy? All I know is that hes a skater from France. I want to know more about him, hes quite a nice boy and I think we'd get along well. I glanced over to where he was getting some last minute practice. His olive eyes sparkled as bright as a star, his skating wasn't the best I have ever seen by far but the passion he had was as obvious as the blue sky.

The only thing I could keep my eyes on was the cute brown haired boy, I spaced out from all of reality and I wouldn't have it any other way...

"Oi! Georgi! I'm talking to you!"

I turned to the voice to see coach Yakov behind me, "Oh sorry."

I cleared my throat before speaking, "Do you know anything about Jean? The boy over there?" I said, pointing to him.

"Ah, that's Jean Douce, hes a French skater."

"Well I know that much, anything else?"

"Well hes quite the amateur, I heard from his coach that hes only been to the second part of a figure skating contest once."

"Ah, I wonder why.."

"I heard he is married and has a kid so that's probably why, its hard to balance a family life and skating, anyone can tell you that."

Those words felt like a jab to the heart, "Oh.."

"Your going on last by the way, I wouldn't have it that way normally but, cant argue with the organizers."

I nodded and walked over to the bench to sit, grabbing my water-bottle from my side and taking a sip. While I was drinking I stole a glimpse at Jean who was now panting, head hanging down as he sat about 2 benches away from me. Why the world doesn't he have water? I sighed, 'Do I have to do everything for this boy now?' Wait that doesn't sound too bad.. I glanced at my water bottle which was still practically full and headed over to him.

I sat down by him, which caused him to instantly look over, "O-oh hi."

With a nod, I held my water-bottle out infront of him, "Here, I saw you didn't have one but your panting like a fucking dog so I figured you'd want some."

He grabbed it, his hand brushing against mine causing my heart rate to go up higher then what I am fairly certain is healthy. He smiled brightly, it was adorable and when I saw that on his face, I knew this was what they call love at first sight.

"So, I heard your married?" "Yes. I have a wife named Salem."

I was curious, I want to know more about her, "What's she like?"

"Heh, not great lately.."

"Mind telling me why?"

"She just doesn't approve of the fact that I do figure skating full time she thinks it wont make good money which is-"

"Bullshit" "Bullshit" We said in unison, we both let out a chuckle and Jean continued,

"Because of that I cant get as much practice in because I cant get the time away from her nagging to get out to the rink."

I looked at him, thinking, "I think I have an idea."

"What is it?"

"I'll help you with your routine."

His eyes widened at my words, "Don't you need to practice too?"

"I memorize my routines quite well, I think i'll be fine with coaching you."

"I have a coach already y'know?"

I scoffed, "Yeah and from what I saw she has no fucking idea what she's doing."

"I mean.. You're not wrong."

I stood and held out my hand, "So get up and lets head to the ice."

Jean grinned, putting my water-bottle down and grabbing my hand, "Alright!"

After the competition Jean pov-

Well.. I didn't make the cut, I guess I was right, heh. My score was 221, I was about 4 points behind the 3rd place winner who was a boy from America named Leo de la Iglesia. While I was getting changed in the locker room, Georgi was sitting down removing his makeup

"You're not very chatty.." He stated

"Heh, I guess I'm just upset about losing.. Good job on getting 2nd though!"

"For what its worth, I think you should have gotten third, Leo failed that one double axal so he shouldn't have had 225 points, you should have scored higher too, you landed everything."

I let out a dry chuckle, "Still my jumps weren't nearly as good."

"Still."

"Thanks, Georgi."

I stuffed my stuff into my bag and was about to leave when I felt a tap on my shoulder, "Hm? Did you need something?"

"Can I have your number?"

"Sure!"

He handed me his phone, I typed in my number and put in a contact name. "See you later, fée endormie" (Sleeping fairy)

Georgi's face looked as red as a cherry, his words were stammered too, "Y-yeah you too.."

I waved, closing the door to the locker room behind me. The walk back to the hotel was long, I wanted to be outside longer so I could think. Think about the cute Russian boy I met just a few minutes prior. Then I started to ask myself, 'This is so.. Wrong, what's wrong with me.. I am a married man, I shouldn't think things like this.' I sighed, letting those thoughts die. Those thoughts were replaced with more happy ones about Georgi and how the day went, 'Yeah.. we can think about the future later, day-dreaming never hurt anyone, right?'

About a month later-

I was relaxed on my bed. my wife was out at work and finishing up some school work. I am still going through collage since I had dropped out for a few years to help raise Akaashi. But now hes 17 and a third year at Fukurōdani Academy, a school here in Japan which my wife is the superintendent of. The work was nothing bad, I was about to type my last sentence before heading to the ice rink for practice when my phone buzzed with a message from Georgi

---------

Georgi: Hey, this may be sudden, but can you open your door?

Jean: Uhhh why?

Georgi: Cuz I'm outside and its cold!

Jean: Ok! I'm on my way!

---------

I ran faster then I ever had down the stairs, I thought I was going to fall and land on my face but luckily I didn't. I unlocked the door and opened it, revealing Georgi in a black jacket with matching pants. His hair was down, I have seen him with his hair down a lot but it was so cute that I couldn't help but blush at the sight.

"So what are you doing here?"

"I was in Japan and wanted to see you, simple as that."

A smile grew onto my face and we walked to my room where we sat on my bed, he read a book while I finished that last sentence of my paper, once I was done I turned to him and asked,

"Hey can you look over my essay for me?"

"Sure, give me the laptop."

I nodded and passed my laptop to him. It was a short paper but he seemed to take his time, I watched him add punctuation and such. He glanced at the citations at the bottom,

"Hey I think you forgot a citation." He said,

"Oh? I did? For what?"

"The County Tribune one, you used it in paragraph 4 right?"

"Oooh! I had an issue with that one! I tried to get the information but when I clicked the link I used, the domain was down, I just put down the article title and access date since my professor said that was fine."

"Oh, gotcha. But other then that I would say just fix some words, you used 'according to' with your textual evidence a lot so I would say change that."

"Alright, thanks! You sure know your stuff!"

"Yeah, I did really well in Language arts and Writing classes back when I was in school."

"Cool! I guess I'll have to ask for your help more~" I cooed

"Pfft, have fun with that." He snickered as he went back to his book

I kept looking for more words but I kept catching myself getting distracted, "Hey, what do you-"

Before I could say anything else I felt something on my neck, I moved my eyes down to the feeling and saw Georgi, biting my neck.

"G-Georgi?"

He pulled back instantly and scooted about a foot back, "Oh my god! I am so, so, so sorry!"

I smirked, "Do it again, Georgi."

"Isn't your wife going to be home soon?"

"She texted me earlier, she's going to a meeting in Paris, she'll be away for the next few days."

"And what about Ak-"

"Are you going to keep asking questions or are you going to do it again?"

The Russian boy let out a 'heh' and scooted forward, continuing what he was doing before. I smirked and didn't react, finishing up the paper. It was only about 2 minutes later when I heard a sad 'humph'

The mouth released my neck for a moment, "Hey.. Pay attention to me."

I let out a chuckle, turned off my laptop and put it on a side table. I turned around to face Georgi and put my arms around his waist, "There, I'm all yours now."

He placed a kiss on my lips, "Good."

Georgi's lips locked back on mine hungrily. This was the thing I wanted for months, no, this is the type of thing I've wanted my whole life and I never knew it before. God, please let this last forever.

He crawled closer to close the distance and put his knee between my legs, the feeling of having something to rub felt amazing and it caused me to whimper. The moment those whimpers became loud enough for Georgi to hear, I was pinned down with my hands above my head. He dipped his head down to whisper into my ear, "May I, my sweet baby prince?" Those words sent a shiver up my spine, "Yes, please.."

---Timeskip cuz its late and I am not awake enough to write smut--

"That was so good.." I said, panting while laying on Georgi's chest

The Russian skater let out a snort and ran his hands through my hair, "Was it now? Or do you just moan for more whenever you feel like it?"

"Heh."

"I love you." I whispered, kissing him on the cheek.

"I love you too baby."

I cuddled into his chest with a big grin, "Good." "Hey, question.."

"Hm?" I looked up at him, my chin still resting on his chest,

"How are we dealing with your wife? Y'know since you're my lover now."

"Meh, I'll think about that later. Now, let me sleep, you're really comfy."

"Heh sure."

"Also, leave your hair down more, its adorable."

"Sure, whatever you want dear."

"Okay, sleep soon, k?"

"K."

---Aaand its over! Thx for the ask!---

[thelittlehansy]

How many signs of Narcissistic abuse can we catch in a the book "A Frozen Heart" ?

i took a article from psychology today : here the point of view is of course not partner but hans/ his narcissist father and worst bro.

I hope my reasoning are gonna fit and unfortunaly i m gonna used quote from À Frozen Heart several time for Hans family appeared only at the start of the book.

What is Narcissistic Abuse : Abuse may be emotional, mental, physical, financial, spiritual, or sexual. Here are a few examples of abuse you may not have identified:

Verbal abuse includes belittling, bullying, accusing, blaming, shaming, demanding, ordering, threatening, criticizing, sarcasm, raging, opposing, undermining, interrupting, blocking, and name-calling. Note that many people occasionally make demands, use sarcasm, interrupt, oppose, criticize, blame, or block you. Consider the context, malice, and frequency of the behavior before labeling it narcissistic abuse.

Hans on his everyday life At the start of the book :

Belittling( undermining i think also)  : "you should apologize to your mother she is after all the only one who would have ever noticed you were missing"

Bullying : "like sharks smelling blood in the water a few more of the brothers began to join in the "teasing" "

Accusing : "did you not think your mother birthday is worthy of your presence?"

Blaming : " Westergaard are lion not mice hans you should listen to your brother maybe you could learn a thing of two from them if you stopped acting like you were better than them"

Shaming : Rudy and Runo : "whats thats ? We cant hear you really should learn how to speak up father abhors mice"

Demanding : "dont disappoint me...again !" 

ordering : "his father had requested his presence and when the king made a request you did whatever was asked"

threatening : i think “dont disappoint me...again” can work also because Hans knew that what kind of treatment he receive if he dont follow his father belief thats the reasons his brothers bully him. So there is an idea of punishement if he dissapoint his father i think.

Criticizing : as you might imagine i dont have time to listen to you whine about your brothers being bullies again 

interrupting : “the king did not waste time to the point Hans , always just get to the point he would say whenever he deemed Hans had stay too long in his presence” i thought i will find nothing for this one but guess i was wrong 😅

Raging : " he didn't care if his father would be mad later it wasnt worth the torment to sit through of this assault" later

Fighting Marsmahllow : " thats all you got ? You big snowy beast ? Hans thought as he pulled out his sword and began to swing it skillfully. Compared to my father when he is angry you seem like a cuddy bunny"

Sarcasm : not any quote but very much possible with that environment !

Manipulation: Generally, manipulation is indirect influence on someone to behave in a way that furthers the goals of the manipulator. Often, it expresses covert aggression. Think of a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.” On the surface, the words seem harmless – even complimentary; but underneath you feel demeaned or sense a hostile intent. If you experienced manipulation growing up, you may not recognize it as such. See my blog on spotting manipulation.   

“Dont disappoint me...again " i think works too for this one ! This is what hans father told him after he ask if he can help him and before he go help him with a citizens that criticize him.

it has an effect on Hans who is upset and therefore wants to please and prove himself to his father even more.

the effect are there and the goal of course of the king was only for his own interest. Stopping his people To criticize him by emotionally manipulating Hans to be effective.

Emotional blackmail: Emotional blackmail may include threats, anger, warnings, intimidation, or punishment. It’s a form of manipulation that provokes doubt in you. You feel fear, obligation, and or guilt, sometimes referred to as “FOG”

one example i think : " his father had requested his presence and when the king made a request you did whatever was asked" Hans end up having a sense of obligation to come at a place where he know his brothers are gonna bully him. After when he decide to leave he talk about his father anger implying he is gonna be mad and punished him. so that an example i think we can spot also ! 

Competition: Competing and one-upping to always be on top, sometimes through unethical means. E.g. cheating in a game.

"You know you fit quit well in the southern isles everything is a competition back home " Hans to Anna during the coronation party big clue !

Negative contrasting: Unnecessarily making comparisons to negatively contrast you with the narcissist or other people.

" you should listen to your brothers you could learn a thing or two if you stop acting as if you were better that them "🤔

Exploitation and objectification: Using or taking advantage of you for personal ends without regard for your feelings or needs.

After hans works during 3 years for his father as his gofer on his way to arendelle " getting to this point had not be easy. It had taken nearly three years to convince the king that he was responsible enough.(..) all the begging, pleading and generally making himself a lapdog to his father To procure a spot as the representative would pay off"

= indication the king exploit Hans during 3 years and what is sad is that he still dont trust him at the end. So yeah deftntly take advantages of hans to me.

Sabotage: Disruptive interference with your endeavors or relationships for the purpose of revenge or personal advantage.

The princes : “after each well placed jab they would look to their father to gain his approval even at the expense of their youngest brother”

i think that quote can reflect this one because there we see the reasons why Hans relationship with his brothers is broken and the reasons is because they all want to have their father attention/approval. that’s a situation the king voluntary let happen between his son for personal advantages.( boots his ego i beleive) the king defitnly sabotage Hans relationship with his brothers and even i would say all the relationship between his sons.

Neglect: Ignoring the needs of a child for whom the abuser is responsible. Includes child endangerment; i.e., placing or leaving a child in a dangerous situation.

“it wasnt as thought he had woken up that morning to found out he was the youngest of thirtheen son with a distant and careless father that had been his ife always and that would be his life forever” this is what hans say about his life at 17 years old 20 years old with his true age.

Character assassination or slander: Spreading malicious gossip or lies about you to other people.

“ So ? any new of when i might  become an uncle again ? i m hoping your child might like me at least ?”  Hans to Lars

So here thats interpretation ! i could be wrong but to me its kind of imply the niece and nephew he got so far do not like him a lot. so now the question is how little kids may end up disliking their uncle ? unpleasant gossip from their fathers or even grandfather about their uncle !

Violence:This includes blocking your movement, pulling hair, throwing things, or destroying your property

“at least they had thrown bread this time not glassware” 

Isolation: Isolating you from friends, family, or access to outside services and support through control, manipulation, verbal abuse, character assassination, or other means of abuse.

 "For him the southern isles and it castle was a prison and his father the jailer"🤔

Withholding: Withholding such things as money, sex, communication or affection from you.!

Hans dad is volountary distant and cold with him and show less affection to him in order "to toughten him up "

Gaslighting: Intentionally making you distrust your perceptions of reality or believe that you’re mentally incompetent.

to be honest i didn't catch exactly what is gaslighting i have understand the definition but each time i see someone used the word i m confuse because cannot connect it with the definition.

so here no sign of gaslighting ( distrust perception) i don't know if this one works for "make believe you are mentally incompent"

"hans could hear the voice of his brothers (..) you dont have the guts to do anything. Princess elsa what she want is a man not  a boy. What about we go find her and you stay here where you belong."

3 are no present on the book with the last one very much possible because the king of the southern isles abuse financially his poeple :

-Lying: Persistent deception to avoid responsibility or to achieve the narcissist’s own ends.

-Privacy invasion: Ignoring your boundaries by looking through your things, phone, mail; denying your physical privacy or stalking or following you; ignoring privacy you’ve requested.

-Financial abuse: Financial abuse might include controlling you through economic domination or draining your finances through extortion, theft, manipulation, or gambling, or by accruing debt in your name or selling your personal property.

I think lying and privacy invasion can both be things Hans and even his brothers are submit since little by their father.

[factual-fantasy]

More asks! Prepare your feels and prepare your laughs!

I sometimes like to imagine myself being put into shows or videogames at a time period before something big happens or a character reveal happens.

I always freak out trying to convince the characters that I am from a world where their world is a complete work of fiction and that they are in great danger or someone is going to show up. Or sometimes I try to convince a character that the choice they are about to make is an awful one to protect them from their written script.

Normally what I do to convince them that I am from another world is I relay the characters entire life story to them. If they ask how I know all that, I say that your world is a game/show in mine and I learned your story though playing your game/watching your show.

Sometimes though I just imagine myself asking my favorite characters a lot of questions that the fandoms don't have confirmation of. 

Its weird, but its a fun past time. I don’t blame you for having these “strange fantasies”, I have ones that are very similar. I mean it is in my name after all. XD

Uhm.. talents?.. hmm.. Well uh... lets see..

Honda does like to paint.. and she is based off a very skilled artist, so maybe she would have a decent shot at painting something?

Bash Buggy probably used to have some talents, but now that he’s in the state he’s in, he probably cant do them anymore.

Hmm... maybe Miata could.. well.. I don’t know if speed is a talent, its just a natural physical capability of hers. But even if that counted, Vega and the Dragsters would smoke her aft on the dragstrip so she wouldn’t even win in that category anyway so... hm..

Volvo probably plays some kind of Cybertronian instrument or something because he’s prim and proper like that. But chances are there ain’t one of those thingi mah bobs on Earth so...

Brown Suburban could.. uh.. maybe Green Truck could.. （￣ε￣;）..Hmm.. Bruh this is hard. I dunno what their talents would be..

You can find my writing/fanfics here! @factuals-fanfics​ :D Go and check out some of the things I have already written! Warning, they are all angsty and none of them are from the Transformer fandom...  yet. I’m still working on that one.

When I read this, I went;

“Bring back-... wh..aaat..? Wait. That’s.. that’s the dude that voiced Optimus Prime right?.. Wait is he.. is he dead?? No, no it cant be! I would’ve already known right?“

*Searches, “is petter cullen dead” into Google*

“T.. 2011?? Wow.. man. Poor Optimus.. 9 years ago.. how did I not know he was dead? Dang.. well that sucks.. man.. how am I going to respond to this ask? Like.. what do I say to that?.. Oh wait- I got an idea.“

Ohh man.. prepare your feels. This is going to hurt. 

So here’s the thing, Bash Buggy used to be a real hugger and didn't mind one bit getting hugs from other people. He gave the best hugs, you could tell how much he cared about you by how he tight hugged you. He was a really warm and nice bot, he really was. And even the non huggers didn’t mind getting one from Bash Buggy. He loved giving hugs as a way to show affection, he never really was too great with his words so it was his best way of communicating with people.

..But now? You’re lucky if you get a pat on the back from him. He’s so horribly embarrassed by his body now, that he doesn’t want to touch anyone and he doesn’t anyone to touch him. He doesn’t go out of his way to hug people anymore because he cant tell by their expression if they want one, and he honestly thinks that no one wants to hug him. He doesn’t believe that anybody would want to get that close to his ugly face.

He cant see his face in mirrors, but by feeling around his face and body, he knows he must be awful to look at. He can feel all those exposed wires, all the dents and scratches.. he knows he’s all kind’s of different colors because of what the kids have said. He may not remember what some colors look like, but he can only assume that they don’t look pretty on him.

So basically, he’s embarrassed and ashamed of his body, and thus, no longer likes hugs. If he were to hug someone or if someone were to hug him, he would just feel gross and guilty. He’d feel like he wiped some of his ugliness onto the person he hugged.

However, there is one person who he will accept hugs from, and that is Brown Suburban. He has known that big lug for the longest time, and Brown Suburban is not deterred in the slightest by his best friends appearance. Cuz daw gonnit that is his best friend! And he’s going to hug Bash Buggy if he dang well feels like it! >:{ ♡♡♡

So.. uh.. long story short, Bash Buggy used to like hugs but doesn't anymore because he thinks he’s ugly. He no longer hugs people and feels uncomfortable getting hugs from others, however Brown Suburban is an exception because he’s his best friend. 

Somewhat close? I’ll give you a hint via gifs!

It actually really is, isn’t it? He’d be able to talk to the Humans no matter what state his voice box is in at the time too!.. However.. it would be hard to read their hands with his janked up vision. If their hands are in front of them, they become invisible. Especially since he uses thermal most of the the time.

Uh.. you okay Anon? This sounds very specific.. you doing alright?. Do you need some help..?

Well uh.. I hope you’re okay.. anyway, that aside uh.. the question, right. 

I uh.. I feel like most of them would kind’a have the same reaction. The person has a headache and is most likely stressed, frustrated and just tired. 

Most of them would probably get them some headache medicine, some food to go with it, maybe a blanket or something and talk it through with them. Let them vent, explain their side of the argument and overall try their best to be supportive.

Some characters like Bash Buggy and Volvo may not know how to react to this particular situation however. And some characters like Jeepy, U.M.Dragster and Ranger may get angry seeing you so upset that they might not be too much of help and might just make both of you feel worse about it. Unintentionally of course.

I’m not so sure about anyone else.. I feel like Suburban would try his best to help you feel better and try to help you cope.. but he himself is struggling with feelings anger and bitterness, so I don’t know how much his advice would stick.

Actually, now that I think about it? Green Truck and Brown Suburban would probably be the best ones to help here. Both of them are very old, and have been there and done that. They have met a lot of people with a lot of different issues, I’m sure they could put their wisdom to use in helping the distressed person see the situation clearly.

Anyway, not sure where this particular question came from.. but I hope you’re doing okay. <:} ♡

Well, obviously I have to look at this as if they were Humans.. let me see what I can come up with.. 

Okay, so.. Assuming that all 16 of them went whole hog with their costumes, and they all mostly picked out different ones.. the might all dress up in these.

Suburban:

Miata:

Escort:

Brown Suburban:

U.M.Dragster and  A.T.Dragster:

Green Truck:

Vega:

Red Van:

White Truck:

Beluga:

Honda:

Ranger:

Volvo:

Jeepy:

Bash Buggy:

[imbeccablee]

HAPPY BIRTH TO OUR LITTLE GREEN FERAL BOI-HC about how his birthday were when he was younger compared to now? (bonus points for Mama Inko being the only constant and for steadily more and more people being at his parties and deku having no idea how to deal with so many people who love him)

oh you KNOW I'm here for that Izuku angst!!! (sorry this is late, I didnt see this until yesterday night lmao)

before Izuku was diagnosed, he would invite katsuki and those other boys over after daycare. it would always be a little awkward bc technically those other boys are more katsuki's friends than Izuku's but their parents made them go anyway bc it was the nice thing to do

oftentimes the rest of the party would end up with the boys playing with Izuku's new toys (which made him a lil upset but his mom says he should share and not be selfish and besides, these are his friends, he wants them to like him, so its whatever. it is) and also playing Heroes (this is the one of the few times Izuku is allowed to play a hero with katsuki (bc theres no way in heck katsuki would play a villain) and Izuku LIVES for it)

usually the other boys will leave and katsuki will spend the night. this is always the best part for Izuku because, while katsuki does keep showing off, it's almost softer in a way, like the fact that it's just the two of them, alone, with the rest of the world shut out makes katsuki relax and unwind. izuku doesnt understand why katsuki isnt like this all the time. he doesnt know how to ask, either.

this of course ends with his fifth birthday. the months following his fourth, he eagerly awaits the arrival of his quirk, but it never shows. a week after his fifth birthday (which had been even more awkward and embarrassing since his quirk still hadn't manifested), he is diagnosed. and, well, nobody wanted to go to his party after that.

the kids thought he was weird and lame and the parents were afraid their own kids would hurt him somehow if they were to come over, because they all believed the quirkless to be weak and fragile. this of course also meant that none of the kids were allowed to invite him over to their parties, the only exception being katsuki's. and then katsuki fell off a log into a shallow river and izuku tried to help him up and, well.

he still invites people, oh yes. the first few years, he makes little invitation cards drawn in all might colors and an enthusiastic "you're invited!" on the front. inko, the sweetheart, helps put them in envelopes and carefully stored them in Izuku's backpack and Izuku passes them out. the first time no one shows, izuku is devastated. the second time, after yet another year of being downgraded and belittled and beaten and ignored, he is still devastated, but he is not surprised. the third time, it aches and aches and aches, and he decides he's not going to make cards anymore. it's just a waste of time and paper.

inko tried so very hard. those first few birthdays After were completely unsalvageable, but after the third (when Izuku accepted no one would come) they got better. izuku was still sad and inko was still guilty, but they always had a lovely time with katsudon and cake and all might specials. sometimes, his dad would even remember to call and wish him a happy birthday. izuku was- well, not happy, but content. he had his mother. he had his conviction, his dream. what else could he need?

(he steadfastly ignored the longing, the ache. nothing he could do would fix it so there was no point in dwelling on it. it was stupid to feel that way anyway. his birthday was just another day of the week, the month, the year. it didnt matter. he shouldnt feel so bad about it. it didnt matter)

he didn't even think about telling all might his birthday. by the time he was 14 going on 15, he didnt really care about it. it had just been a day he got a gift or two from his mother, his favorite dinner, and a night spent rewatching all might documentaries or movies or interviews. you know, like basically every night, but like, older this time. so he doesnt mention it and all might never brought it up, so his 15th birthday comes and goes like every other birthday did after his 8th.

the truth of the matter was all might figured Izuku would mention it at some point during his training, like offhandedly saying he had to get home early so he could have a celebration, or make small talk about what he'd gotten, or even ask for the day off. but Izuku never did and all might felt too awkward to ask when it was (he didnt want to seem too eager to shower young Izuku with presents like something deep inside him begged for with a vengeance, even though he very much wanted to give Izuku literally anything he asked for. it is a troubling feeling), so all might just assumed his birthday hadn't come up yet.

then all might finally gets a look at Izuku's file, since all might is now a teacher, and sees 07/15/XXXX written and probably breaks the speed of sound with how quickly he calls izuku

"why didnt you tell me about your birthday!!" "wh- I mean- it's just not that big of a deal, I didnt think it was-" "NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL???"

he takes Izuku out to a very belated and nice birthday dinner and has to force an incredibly rare piece of decommissioned all might merch from his early days into Izuku's hands. despite his embarrassment and initial reluctance, that day is ranked in the top ten of his favorite days.

izuku doesnt learn his lesson, however, and neglects to tell his newly acquired friends about his date of birth. the only reason they find out is because all might, having been passing them by at the end of the school day, wished him a happy birthday.

"IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY????" "uraraka please its not a big deal-" "I have to disagree midoriya, today should be special!" "I mean, I dont think birthdays are all that important either" "THANK YOU todoroki"

(and then Izuku thinks for 2 seconds WHY Todoroki thinks birthdays are unimportant and gets sad again but we're not focusing on that rn)

ochako DEMANDS that they celebrate bc theres no way in hell she's allowing her best friend to go without a birthday celebration with friends, but Izuku insists that they at least wait until summer vacation starts in less than a week, especially since he cant just come home with three friends without telling his mom

ochakos like >:( for a second, but concedes bc that's fair and then she launches herself at Izuku and gives him a big ole hug and says "happy birthday!!!" izuku's all sputtering and blushing, and then he feels a hand on either arm and Iida and Todoroki give him warm smiles and wish the same and it takes a good five minutes for his face to calm down and for him to come out from behind his arms once Ochako releases him.

so he tells his mom that his friends want to come over to celebrate soon and inko is just like 😭😭😭😭😭 because FINALLY her boy has GOOD FRIENDS who want to CELEBRATE HIM and Izuku freaks out cuz his mom is crying but she waves him off and tells him to tell the dekusquad that they can come over on saturday and that they can spend the night and that they'll have a wonderful time!!!

izuku relays two-thirds of that information in their group chat and they all agree and then basically Izuku is dreading the weekend bc the few birthday parties he's had with his "friends" before hadn't been all that great (besides the sleepover part with katsuki, though their current animosity kinda makes the memories bittersweet), and like, while he knows objectively Ochako, iida, and Todoroki are Much Better than those boys from his childhood, he just doesnt have a good frame of reference for how these things go.

anyway, so Saturday comes around and Izuku is just listlessly lazing around while his mother finishes cooking ("let me help you mom-" "nuh uh, this is for YOUR celebration mister, you arent doing a THING today), and then theres an enthusiastic knock on his door, and when he goes and opens it his friends greet him with yet another cheer of "happy birthday deku/midoriya!!"

izuku smiles because its sweet even if he doesnt particularly care about birthdays, and invites them in. they set their presents on the table and Izuku's like "you didnt have to!!" and Ochako's like "NONSENSE" and Iida is like "how could we show up at your birthday celebration without presents???" and todoroki's like "any chance to spend endeavour's money on things he wouldnt like is a chance I will never not take" and Izuku is just like akdjajdhajsb when his mom finally comes and greets them

and like. it's nice. it's really really REALLY freaking nice. Izuku didnt realize how much he was actually missing having people with him in his home besides his mom until they were there. there's a wonderful warmth filling his chest as they all eat his mother's homemade katsudon and talk about school and how excited they are for the upcoming summer trip. and when heroes come up, they ask him about different quirks and how they work and what he thinks of this hero and that hero and the only time he's interrupted from his tangents is when he stops himself because he's embarrassed for talking for so long. and then they smile and prompt him some more, saying they love hearing him talk about the stuff that interests him, and can anyone really blame him for bursting into tears?

his friends are alarmed but his mom just smiles, tearing up herself, and she asks if he'd like a big hug, and he nods, face burning bright, and then they all gather him in a warm, enveloping embrace, and he wonders how in the hell he survived without this for so long?

he's so warm and loved and for the first time in forever he feels happy during his birthday celebration.

his 16th birthday party is so incredibly different from the parties he held before he was diagnosed and from the birthdays he spent with only his mother. he'd forgotten that feeling of being cared for by people who didnt need to, or rather he'd never really known it. there's a slight twinge that it took so long for him to learn this feeling, but it's completely overshadowed by the pure elation he feels at finally being able to breathe and relax and let himself be loved.

his friends still look concerned and they obviously have questions, but they dont pry as they all continue with the party. he opens their presents and cries again and then they watch a ton of hero movies and he cries a little more. iida worries he'll dehydrate himself and Ochako fuckin loses it and Todoroki has such a soft look on his face and GOD how has Izuku lived without friends? without THEM?

it's late when they turn in, with futons and mountains of pillows and blankets surrounding them on the living room floor. izuku is nestled between Ochako and Todoroki, and he stares at the ceiling as his friends doze around him. he can feel his heart beating in his chest and, with amusement, he feels his eyes watering again, but he blinks the tears away and whispers thickly, "hey guys?" once he gets sleepy questioning murmurs, he breathes in deeply and says, "thank you." in response Ochako and Todoroki schooch closer until they're cuddled on either arm and Izuku can see Iida doing the same on the other end of ochako. then Ochako mumbles, "anything for you, deku" to which the other two boys agree. and Izuku tries to not get choked up and fails again, but its okay, because its safe here and his friends are surrounding him with warmth and love and Izuku falls asleep happy.

(their second year they have another party, of course, but this one is bigger, with the whole class. it's in the dorm, which is fine bc he doesnt think his mom's apartment could hold all of them. it's just as wonderful as his 16th birthday. he managed to hold his tears back during nearly the entire thing, and the only reason he broke was because katsuki came up to him with a perfectly wrapped box, because everything katsuki does is perfect, and shoved it into his hands with a growled well wishes. katsuki yells at him and the class laughs good heartedly as he weeps, but Izuku is just focused on katsuki, who looks soft and relaxed and nearly identical to the version of him that Izuku saw so, so long ago. and as Izuku thanks him for the present and katsuki berates him cuz "you dont even know what it is yet you idiot open it already", izuku feels a new happiness bubbling up in him, because he's so incredibly glad katsuki has been able to heal as well)