#and you crossed that line so many times that honestly i'm giving up on b*yond entirely at this point

[thegardengrows-infrozenrain]

bitches be like "i'm a fan of [band] but anything besides their first 2/3 albums is just pop trash and really forgettable and i hate every song on the first few albums besides [tiny list] and honestly they've overstayed their welcome as artists and need to stop producing and if you like their first few albums/[specific album that is popular/unpopular] you're a tiktok fake fan who's only posing and pretending to like them"

like honey you're not a fan you're a toxic piece of shit

like yeah don't consume anything entirely uncritically but at the same time don't become an asshole who does nothing but criticize yknow

[saltygilmores]

Dance Marathon Episode (Aka Murder On the Dancefloor)-Part 7

I'm not looking forward to the next episode, Let The Games Begin. I only remember small fragments of it, andI know it's almost Literati Kickoff Time and I'm getting nervous. Stall, stall, stall! Oh hey look who it is.

Salty, in her best, nasally Adam Brody voice: One sandweech please. Thinking about @frazzledsoul's headcanon where Dave Rygalski and Max Medina cross paths in California and Max mows Dave down with his car. Dave was really living out Jess' dream. You know what else I keep thinking about the entire time I'm watching this episode? What times these events are taking place. Dave Rygalski is just wandering in fresh faced and bushy tailed at 5am on a Sunday morning to see Lane. He's soooo dreamy. You know what else I'm thinking about? How that bucket of egg salad has been sitting out unrefrigerated for 24 hours and Stars Hollow is about to experience a mass food poisoning the likes of which the town has never seen. No need to worry, On top of the IRS, Child Protective Services, and the Connecticut Labor Board, I'd already added the Connecticut Health Department to my speed dial.

Well isn't that cute. But Alas. Lord Amy giveth, and Lord Amy taketh away.

Dave. Ma'am. Dave: Uh, no, I heard a bunch of people talking about the sandwiches, so I thought I'd come in and try one.

Getting hit by a car would be much quicker and less painful than suffering a slow and agonozing death from e.coli but who am I to play God, I guess. Mrs Kim loads Dave up with sandwiches to bring home to his parents after they return from nearby "Bible Study" (at 5am). Since this is Stars Hollow and everyone is a naive rube, Mrs Kim doesn't question which church or why she doesn't already know these other churchy people in this small town or how it's possible they're outchurching her by waking up at 4am on a Sunday, and totally falls for it. You gotta give it to Dave, he's slick. I'm gonna start calling him Slick Dave. The final opportunity for Lane to at least fake interest in Jess to piss off her mother has just sailed past. Womp womp.

6 minutes left in the episode, ya'll. Buckle in. *heavy, resigned sigh* Rory's about to act like such a salty little b that she's going to... force me to defend Dean. A Salty's gotta do, what a Salty's gotta do…

That's what Dean's parents said about him after his birth.

Shane with the thousand yard stare like her corpse.

Rory Freaking Gilmore! Enough!

I've had it with you.

I'm bored. Okuh. *tonsil hockey* Look, everyone, look at those two kids and how every time you see them they're always sticking their tongues down each other's throats and not talking This is relationship goals, honestly. Rory knows it. This is why she has sand in her panties.

If you've ever wondered whether this actress, Jessica Kiper, knows what a sweet gig it was to get paid to make out with Milo Ventimiglia and say a few lines...she knows. She knows she lived our dream. She has bought it up unprompted many times on social media. You can rub it in our faces, we don't mind. We love you, Queen.

I mean, they've tried. So are you offering? Can they go back to your house and do it in your bed? You're certainly not using it for anything other than sleeping.

They've been there, done that, also in a closet, in the backseat of a car, on the school football field, under the bleachers, in a bathroom...

It was not a telephone pole, it was a tree. You were there, Rory. You were there.

The already dim light in Dean's eyes is fading away. He's thinking, yeah, what is the deal with girls who enjoy sex... I wouldn't know.

Shane wiping the saliva from her mouth is GOLDEN. And yes baby we are always talking about you. If you see me talking at any point in time it is probably about you. Shit, this will have to go into part 8. Bye!

[hvstias]

Heeyy Am I too late for Send me a ship and a number and I’ll tell you thing?

Can you make the 3, 8, 13 and 45 for SoViper? Pleeeease? *puppy eyes*

also for “soviper, 20 and 21? 👀” from @brewing-radianite, no beta read we die like cypher but here's some soviper food <3<3

how do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals?

sova has a pretty strict sleeping schedule which he tries to follow but unfortunately our golden boy's life motto is “rest when the work is done” and viper probably has a some kind of insomnia so they either go nuts at 4 am, working on something or one of them convinces the other to go to sleep w them. It's usually Sova who convinces her to sleep, but Viper also knows how he tires himself out (that voicemail). sometimes they sleep in their separate rooms to not draw any attention from other agents, but occasionally sleeping together in one of their rooms. (bonus hc, viper would rather die than admitting it but sleeping with sova helps her sleep without having any nightmares)

it's canon that viper wakes up at 5 am and sova is an insufferable morning person in my mind so they probably wake up pretty early, viper usually wakes up before the alarm goes off but cannot get out of the bed because this blond mf has a strong grip and cuddles like a koala in his sleep

do they share any interests or hobbies?

they share the same taste in movies so watching a movie is a general thing for them, sova teaches her russian in their free time and lemme say it; nerds. sova is a hunter who literally hunts people down, he's a pretty strategical person and i'm pretty sure this boi is one of the smartest agents in the protocol. he's good at math & physics stuff and also asks her questions about chemistry without annoying her so they sometimes just talk about different topics for hours without getting bored. and they practice their line ups so often that it became a literal hobby for them lmao.

any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets?

beginning of their relationship was hard and full of heartbreaks and regrets, especially about a lot of wasted time between them because of their mutual disapproval for each other's ways but they got over that after going to many missions together (partnering them for special missions is an effective way to ease their tension, and it's a brim & sage approved fact)

are they open about their relationship? how do they feel about public displays of affection?

In front of agents? not necessarily affectionate bc of the no fraternization rule etc etc but they have their own way to keep their physical touch w small gestures, and sova is a generally affectionate man so no one really questions it but apart from these they don't really cross personal borders around each other in public but in private? oh boy o h b o y

what do they do for fun? Do they have a favorite activity or do they like to switch things up?

they don't have much free time because.. usual agent shit but sova loves having late night drives with her, viper likes playing piano and it kinda soothes him and they take long walks around the island sometimes bc sova is a nature boi and it somehow helps viper w her migraine. viper also loves to practice hand to hand combat with sova, he doesn't hesitate, and he knows she's strong, so he gives all of himself. but honestly i don't think it matters what they're doing- they just enjoy spending time alone together. long conversations till midnight, watching a movie, having a private dinner, reading a book, sitting quietly by fire or just doing their own things in the pleasance of the other's company.

what does their home look like? Their room?

sova probably has a cabin in the woods in russia and viper still has that iconic penthouse, but they move into their own house not long after all that kingdom & omega world fiasco is over to make a clean start. their house is modern in a warm ambience, covered in grey walls w shades of green and blue with long windows and carpets. soft green sofas in their living room, a big TV on the wall and a rather large fireplace with a lil (big enough for both of them) beanbag chair in front of it. dark wooden shelves in the kitchen with long windows and bathrooms featuring marble-styled counters, some walls decorated with their and their friends' photos. viper is a minimalist and sova doesn't really like clutter, so they don't over-decorate it in any way. sova claimed one of the large rooms as their office space, keeping all of their books, his devices, and other work related stuff in there. viper has her own lab in the underground floor of their house with an extra room for any weapon they keep with them. Their bedroom is one of the largest rooms in the house, there's a dressing room attached to it to keep both of their clothes. their bed is big and it's placed in the middle of the room with two nightstands, and although she doesn't believe in such things, there's a small handcrafted dreamcatcher (from fade) on one of the walls. they have two extra bedrooms for guests.

[solari-writes-things]

Hewwo? Can please get Tachanka for the follower game, with 💖💫🌟? Also I love this idea for a game! I’ve never seen one using emojis before and this looks like a lot of fun! But also please take care of yourself and take breaks 😉 I know sometimes writers can get a little overwhelmed with follower celebrations and I don’t want you to get stressed out! Anyway take care and thank you!!!

✨ Solari Says: THANK YOU SO MUCH! I try to make things interesting every follower milestone. I'm glad to hear its received well! Don't worry, I've gotten plenty breaks from writing with my vacation and new job position lined up the way they were. I think it's about time to come back.

🛑 WARNINGS: none! 🛑

gif credit: to the OP.

MORE TACHANKA | MORE R6S | > MASTERLIST < |

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Aggravatingly uplifting. That's how Tachanka is when he's decided he likes you enough to become your friend. And honestly, he doesn't dislike anyone too often. As for how the friendship starts, he's the one who walks up and speaks to you. Let it be complimenting your skills and gadget, or just noticing that you're kind of hanging alone. He doesn't shy away at ALL.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Nah. Tachanka had his chance to settle down, had a few kids and a divorce. He's just there to feel some form of love and affection from somebody special, even though marriage might not be the thing for him. However, that does not stop him from being great at cooking and cleaning (for some things).

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Back when he was younger? Pretty quick, but at the same time he believes that that was the reason his marriage came to fail. He feels fine being in a committed relationship, but not jumping to marriage since he's had his chance at life with it.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Very gentle, when it comes to more intimate scenarios. He's very easy to lean onto for support, and knows what lines that he can and can't push. He's paid attention and made a mental note of everything.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Is that even a question? YES. There is nothing stopping this man from giving a good ol' backbreaker when he's excited, which is pretty damn often.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He's NEVER jealous.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses are deep and sweet, something that tells you how much he loves you--no matter how many times he says it out loud. He prefers to kiss you anywhere he can, and giving you kisses is the exact same. He just wants to show you physical affection in any way he can.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Depends on what for. Not at all when it comes to things you do, but if anyone were to lay hands or insult you or his friends, he's fierce and protective.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers everything, speak with caution if you don't want to be showered in gifts.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorites are a spectrum. He remembers when you first met, all the way to where you both are now. Seeping with happiness and love for one another that he can feel. The progression warms his heart.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Tachanka is protective in the sense of wanting you to be safe and healthy. Asking you if you've ate, drank water. Small things. If someone were to cross you, he'd honestly be the first to throw the punch should things get too far. He'd rather taint his own reputation defending yours, rather than you ruin your own. He believes he doesn't need protecting, since nothing seems to bother him when it's directed at him.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

The effort that he decides to put into dates is always at 100. If there isn't a date where you're spilling out your heart or not swept away by infatuation, something is wrong with either him or you. At that point, there's a bit of cause for concern.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

You always end up laid on top of him throughout the night. He enjoys the weight of you keeping him grounded.

🌟 6 THINGS ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP WITH TACHANKA INCLUDE:

He's always gonna have his arms around you. Always touching you, just to feel that you're there. He's very physically and verbally affectionate.

There's nicknames based off of Russian desserts for you. Buckle up, he's gonna keep calling you "pirozhki".

Bar trips. Pool hustling, drinking, darts, everything included. He wants to have fun.

When you two are by yourselves, that's when he's the quietest. He's the most vulnerable when you're alone, letting you into his innermost soul.

He enjoys sparring with you. If it'll help him train, he wants to do it. Don't worry, though, he won't hurt you at all. He pulls a lot of his strength.

He spoils you, in all ways of the sense. He gives you gifts, showers you with affection, makes you feel like a queen in every way that he can. He worships you.

__

if you want to be added to the tag lists, please comment or message me!

Rainbow Six Tag List: @kind-wolf General Tag List: @angelaiswriting :|: @tsumethedrifter :|: @sazafraz

[innuendostudios]

Thoughts on: Criterion's Neo-Noir Collection

I have written up all 26 films* in the Criterion Channel's Neo-Noir Collection.

Legend: rw - rewatch; a movie I had seen before going through the collection dnrw - did not rewatch; if a movie met two criteria (a. I had seen it within the last 18 months, b. I actively dislike it) I wrote it up from memory.

* in September, Brick leaves the Criterion Channel and is replaced in the collection with Michael Mann's Thief. May add it to the list when that happens.

Note: These are very "what was on my mind after watching." No effort has been made to avoid spoilers, nor to make the plot clear for anyone who hasn't seen the movies in question. Decide for yourself if that's interesting to you.

Cotton Comes to Harlem I feel utterly unequipped to asses this movie. This and Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song the following year are regularly cited as the progenitors of the blaxploitation genre. (This is arguably unfair, since both were made by Black men and dealt much more substantively with race than the white-directed films that followed them.) Its heroes are a couple of Black cops who are treated with suspicion both by their white colleagues and by the Black community they're meant to police. I'm not 100% clear on whether they're the good guys? I mean, I think they are. But the community's suspicion of them seems, I dunno... well-founded? They are working for The Man. And there's interesting discussion to the had there - is the the problem that the law is carried out by racists, or is the law itself racist? Can Black cops make anything better? But it feels like the film stacks the deck in Gravedigger and Coffin Ed's favor; the local Black church is run by a conman, the Back-to-Africa movement is, itself, a con, and the local Black Power movement is treated as an obstacle. Black cops really are the only force for justice here. Movie portrays Harlem itself as a warm, thriving, cultured community, but the people that make up that community are disloyal and easily fooled. Felt, to me, like the message was "just because they're cops doesn't mean they don't have Black soul," which, nowadays, we would call copaganda. But, then, do I know what I'm talking about? Do I know how much this played into or off of or against stereotypes from 1970? Was this a radical departure I don't have the context to appreciate? Is there substance I'm too white and too many decades removed to pick up on? Am I wildly overthinking this? I dunno. Seems like everyone involved was having a lot of fun, at least. That bit is contagious.

Across 110th Street And here's the other side of the "race film" equation. Another movie set in Harlem with a Black cop pulled between the police, the criminals, and the public, but this time the film is made by white people. I like it both more and less. Pro: this time the difficult position of Black cop who's treated with suspicion by both white cops and Black Harlemites is interrogated. Con: the Black cop has basically no personality other than "honest cop." Pro: the racism of the police force is explicit and systemic, as opposed to comically ineffectual. Con: the movie is shaped around a racist white cop who beats the shit out of Black people but slowly forms a bond with his Black partner. Pro: the Black criminal at the heart of the movie talks openly about how the white world has stacked the deck against him, and he's soulful and relateable. Con: so of course he dies in the end, because the only way privileged people know to sympathetize with minorities is to make them tragic (see also: The Boys in the Band, Philadelphia, and Brokeback Mountain for gay men). Additional con: this time Harlem is portrayed as a hellhole. Barely any of the community is even seen. At least the shot at the end, where the criminal realizes he's going to die and throws the bag of money off a roof and into a playground so the Black kids can pick it up before the cops reclaim it was powerful. But overall... yech. Cotton Comes to Harlem felt like it wasn't for me; this feels like it was 100% for me and I respect it less for that.

The Long Goodbye (rw) The shaggiest dog. Like much Altman, more compelling than good, but very compelling. Raymond Chandler's story is now set in the 1970's, but Philip Marlowe is the same Philip Marlowe of the 1930's. I get the sense there was always something inherently sad about Marlowe. Classic noir always portrayed its detectives as strong-willed men living on the border between the straightlaced world and its seedy underbelly, crossing back and forth freely but belonging to neither. But Chandler stresses the loneliness of it - or, at least, the people who've adapted Chandler do. Marlowe is a decent man in an indecent world, sorting things out, refusing to profit from misery, but unable to set anything truly right. Being a man out of step is here literalized by putting him forty years from the era where he belongs. His hardboiled internal monologue is now the incessant mutterings of the weird guy across the street who never stops smoking. Like I said: compelling! Kael's observation was spot on: everyone in the movie knows more about the mystery than he does, but he's the only one who cares. The mystery is pretty threadbare - Marlowe doesn't detect so much as end up in places and have people explain things to him. But I've seen it two or three times now, and it does linger.

Chinatown (rw) I confess I've always been impressed by Chinatown more than I've liked it. Its story structure is impeccable, its atmosphere is gorgeous, its noirish fatalism is raw and real, its deconstruction of the noir hero is well-observed, and it's full of clever detective tricks (the pocket watches, the tail light, the ruler). I've just never connected with it. Maybe it's a little too perfectly crafted. (I feel similar about Miller's Crossing.) And I've always been ambivalent about the ending. In Towne's original ending, Evelyn shoots Noah Cross dead and get arrested, and neither she nor Jake can tell the truth of why she did it, so she goes to jail for murder and her daughter is in the wind. Polansky proposed the ending that exists now, where Evelyn just dies, Cross wins, and Jake walks away devastated. It communicates the same thing: Jake's attempt to get smart and play all the sides off each other instead of just helping Evelyn escape blows up in his face at the expense of the woman he cares about and any sense of real justice. And it does this more dramatically and efficiently than Towne's original ending. But it also treats Evelyn as narratively disposable, and hands the daughter over to the man who raped Evelyn and murdered her husband. It makes the women suffer more to punch up the ending. But can I honestly say that Towne's ending is the better one? It is thematically equal, dramatically inferior, but would distract me less. Not sure what the calculus comes out to there. Maybe there should be a third option. Anyway! A perfect little contraption. Belongs under a glass dome.

Night Moves (rw) Ah yeah, the good shit. This is my quintessential 70's noir. This is three movies in a row about detectives. Thing is, the classic era wasn't as chockablock with hardboiled detectives as we think; most of those movies starred criminals, cops, and boring dudes seduced to the darkness by a pair of legs. Gumshoes just left the strongest impressions. (The genre is said to begin with Maltese Falcon and end with Touch of Evil, after all.) So when the post-Code 70's decided to pick the genre back up while picking it apart, it makes sense that they went for the 'tecs first. The Long Goodbye dragged the 30's detective into the 70's, and Chinatown went back to the 30's with a 70's sensibility. But Night Moves was about detecting in the Watergate era, and how that changed the archetype. Harry Moseby is the detective so obsessed with finding the truth that he might just ruin his life looking for it, like the straight story will somehow fix everything that's broken, like it'll bring back a murdered teenager and repair his marriage and give him a reason to forgive the woman who fucked him just to distract him from some smuggling. When he's got time to kill, he takes out a little, magnetic chess set and recreates a famous old game, where three knight moves (get it?) would have led to a beautiful checkmate had the player just seen it. He keeps going, self-destructing, because he can't stand the idea that the perfect move is there if he can just find it. And, no matter how much we see it destroy him, we, the audience, want him to keep going; we expect a satisfying resolution to the mystery. That's what we need from a detective picture; one character flat-out compares Harry to Sam Spade. But what if the truth is just... Watergate? Just some prick ruining things for selfish reasons? Nothing grand, nothing satisfying. Nothing could be more noir, or more neo-, than that.

Farewell, My Lovely Sometimes the only thing that makes a noir neo- is that it's in color and all the blood, tits, and racism from the books they're based on get put back in. This second stab at Chandler is competant but not much more than that. Mitchum works as Philip Marlowe, but Chandler's dialogue feels off here, like lines that worked on the page don't work aloud, even though they did when Bogie said them. I'll chalk it up to workmanlike but uninspired direction. (Dang this looks bland so soon after Chinatown.) Moose Malloy is a great character, and perfectly cast. (Wasn't sure at first, but it's true.) Some other interesting cats show up and vanish - the tough brothel madam based on Brenda Allen comes to mind, though she's treated with oddly more disdain than most of the other hoods and is dispatched quicker. In general, the more overt racism and misogyny doesn't seem to do anything except make the movie "edgier" than earlier attempts at the same material, and it reads kinda try-hard. But it mostly holds together. *shrug*

The Killing of a Chinese Bookie (dnrw) Didn't care for this at all. Can't tell if the script was treated as a jumping-off point or if the dialogue is 100% improvised, but it just drags on forever and is never that interesting. Keeps treating us to scenes from the strip club like they're the opera scenes in Amadeus, and, whatever, I don't expect burlesque to be Mozart, but Cosmo keeps saying they're an artful, classy joint, and I keep waiting for the show to be more than cheap, lazy camp. How do you make gratuitious nudity boring? Mind you, none of this is bad as a rule - I love digressions and can enjoy good sleaze, and it's clear the filmmakers care about what they're making. They just did not sell it in a way I wanted to buy. Can't remember what edit I watched; I hope it was the 135 minute one, because I cannot imagine there being a longer edit out there.

The American Friend (dnrw) It's weird that this is Patricia Highsmith, right? That Dennis Hopper is playing Tom Ripley? In a cowboy hat? I gather that Minghella's version wasn't true to the source, but I do love that movie, and this is a long, long way from that. This Mr. Ripley isn't even particularly talented! Anyway, this has one really great sequence, where a regular guy has been coerced by crooks into murdering someone on a train platform, and, when the moment comes to shoot, he doesn't. And what follows is a prolonged sequence of an amateur trying to surreptitiously tail a guy across a train station and onto another train, and all the while you're not sure... is he going to do it? is he going to chicken out? is he going to do it so badly he gets caught? It's hard not to put yourself in the protagonist's shoes, wondering how you would handle the situation, whether you could do it, whether you could act on impulse before your conscience could catch up with you. It drags on a long while and this time it's a good thing. Didn't much like the rest of the movie, it's shapeless and often kind of corny, and the central plot hook is contrived. (It's also very weird that this is the only Wim Wenders I've seen.) But, hey, I got one excellent sequence, not gonna complain.

The Big Sleep Unlike the 1946 film, I can follow the plot of this Big Sleep. But, also unlike the 1946 version, this one isn't any damn fun. Mitchum is back as Marlowe (this is three Marlowes in five years, btw), and this time it's set in the 70's and in England, for some reason. I don't find this offensive, but neither do I see what it accomplishes? Most of the cast is still American. (Hi Jimmy!) Still holds together, but even less well than Farewell, My Lovely. But I do find it interesting that the neo-noir era keeps returning to Chandler while it's pretty much left Hammet behind (inasmuch as someone whose genes are spread wide through the whole genre can be left behind). Spade and the Continental Op, straightshooting tough guys who come out on top in the end, seem antiquated in the (post-)modern era. But Marlowe's goodness being out of sync with the world around him only seems more poignant the further you take him from his own time. Nowadays you can really only do Hammett as pastiche, but I sense that you could still play Chandler straight.

Eyes of Laura Mars The most De Palma movie I've seen not made by De Palma, complete with POV shots, paranormal hoodoo, and fixation with sex, death, and whether images of such are art or exploitation (or both). Laura Mars takes photographs of naked women in violent tableux, and has gotten quite famous doing so, but is it damaging to women? The movie has more than a superficial engagement with this topic, but only slightly more than superficial. Kept imagining a movie that is about 30% less serial killer story and 30% more art conversations. (But, then, I have an art degree and have never murdered anyone, so.) Like, museums are full of Biblical paintings full of nude women and slaughter, sometimes both at once, and they're called masterpieces. Most all of them were painted by men on commission from other men. Now Laura Mars makes similar images in modern trappings, and has models made of flesh and blood rather than paint, and it's scandalous? Why is it only controversial once women are getting paid for it? On the other hand, is this just the master's tools? Is she subverting or challenging the male gaze, or just profiting off of it? Or is a woman profiting off of it, itself, a subversion? Is it subversive enough to account for how it commodifies female bodies? These questions are pretty clearly relevant to the movie itself, and the movies in general, especially after the fall of the Hays Code when people were really unrestrained with the blood and boobies. And, heck, the lead is played by the star of Bonnie and Clyde! All this is to say: I wish the movie were as interested in these questions as I am. What's there is a mildly diverting B-picture. There's one great bit where Laura's seeing through the killer's eyes (that's the hook, she gets visions from the murderer's POV; no, this is never explained) and he's RIGHT BEHIND HER, so there's a chase where she charges across an empty room only able to see her own fleeing self from ten feet behind. That was pretty great! And her first kiss with the detective (because you could see a mile away that the detective and the woman he's supposed to protect are gonna fall in love) is immediately followed by the two freaking out about how nonsensical it is for them to fall in love with each other, because she's literally mourning multiple deaths and he's being wildly unprofessional, and then they go back to making out. That bit was great, too. The rest... enh.

The Onion Field What starts off as a seemingly not-that-noirish cops-vs-crooks procedural turns into an agonizingly protracted look at the legal system, with the ultimate argument that the very idea of the law ever resulting in justice is a lie. Hoo! I have to say, I'm impressed. There's a scene where a lawyer - whom I'm not sure is even named, he's like the seventh of thirteen we've met - literally quits the law over how long this court case about two guys shooting a cop has taken. He says the cop who was murdered has been forgotten, his partner has never gotten to move on because the case has lasted eight years, nothing has been accomplished, and they should let the two criminals walk and jail all the judges and lawyers instead. It's awesome! The script is loaded with digressions and unnecessary details, just the way I like it. Can't say I'm impressed with the execution. Nothing is wrong, exactly, but the performances all seem a tad melodramatic or a tad uninspired. Camerawork is, again, purely functional. It's no masterpiece. But that second half worked for me. (And it's Ted Danson's first movie! He did great.)

Body Heat (rw) Let's say up front that this is a handsomely-made movie. Probably the best looking thing on the list since Night Moves. Nothing I've seen better captures the swelter of an East Coast heatwave, or the lusty feeling of being too hot to bang and going at it regardless. Kathleen Turner sells the hell out of a femme fatale. There are a lot of good lines and good performances (Ted Danson is back and having the time of his life). I want to get all that out of the way, because this is a movie heavily modeled after Double Indemnity, and I wanted to discuss its merits before I get into why inviting that comparison doesn't help the movie out. In a lot of ways, it's the same rules as the Robert Mitchum Marlowe movies - do Double Indemnity but amp up the sex and violence. And, to a degree it works. (At least, the sex does, dunno that Double Indemnity was crying out for explosions.) But the plot is amped as well, and gets downright silly. Yeah, Mrs. Dietrichson seduces Walter Neff so he'll off her husband, but Neff clocks that pretty early and goes along with it anyway. Everything beyond that is two people keeping too big a secret and slowly turning on each other. But here? For the twists to work Matty has to be, from frame one, playing four-dimensional chess on the order of Senator Palpatine, and its about as plausible. (Exactly how did she know, after she rebuffed Ned, he would figure out her local bar and go looking for her at the exact hour she was there?) It's already kind of weird to be using the spider woman trope in 1981, but to make her MORE sexually conniving and mercenary than she was in the 40's is... not great. As lurid trash, it's pretty fun for a while, but some noir stuff can't just be updated, it needs to be subverted or it doesn't justify its existence.

Blow Out Brian De Palma has two categories of movie: he's got his mainstream, director-for-hire fare, where his voice is either reigned in or indulged in isolated sequences that don't always jive with the rest fo the film, and then there's his Brian De Palma movies. My mistake, it seems, is having seen several for-hires from throughout his career - The Untouchables (fine enough), Carlito's Way (ditto, but less), Mission: Impossible (enh) - but had only seen De Palma-ass movies from his late period (Femme Fatale and The Black Dahlia, both of which I think are garbage). All this to say: Blow Out was my first classic-era De Palma, and holy fucking shit dudes. This was (with caveats) my absolute and entire jam. I said I could enjoy good sleaze, and this is good friggin' sleaze. (Though far short of De Palma at his sleaziest, mercifully.) The splitscreens, the diopter shots, the canted angles, how does he make so many shlocky things work?! John Travolta's sound tech goes out to get fresh wind fx for the movie he's working on, and we get this wonderful sequence of visuals following sounds as he turns his attention and his microphone to various noises - a couple on a walk, a frog, an owl, a buzzing street lamp. Later, as he listens back to the footage, the same sequence plays again, but this time from his POV; we're seeing his memory as guided by the same sequence of sounds, now recreated with different shots, as he moves his pencil in the air mimicking the microphone. When he mixes and edits sounds, we hear the literal soundtrack of the movie we are watching get mixed and edited by the person on screen. And as he tries to unravel a murder mystery, he uses what's at hand: magnetic tape, flatbed editors, an animation camera to turn still photos from the crime scene into a film and sync it with the audio he recorded; it's forensics using only the tools of the editing room. As someone who's spent some time in college editing rooms, this is a hoot and a half. Loses a bit of steam as it goes on and the film nerd stuff gives way to a more traditional thriller, but rallies for a sound-tech-centered final setpiece, which steadily builds to such madcap heights you can feel the air thinning, before oddly cutting its own tension and then trying to build it back up again. It doesn't work as well the second time. But then, that shot right after the climax? Damn. Conflicted on how the movie treats the female lead. I get why feminist film theorists are so divided on De Palma. His stuff is full of things feminists (rightly) criticize, full of women getting naked when they're not getting stabbed, but he also clearly finds women fascinating and has them do empowered and unexpected things, and there are many feminist reads of his movies. Call it a mixed bag. But even when he's doing tropey shit, he explores the tropes in unexpected ways. Definitely the best movie so far that I hadn't already seen.

Cutter's Way (rw) Alex Cutter is pitched to us as an obnoxious-but-sympathetic son of a bitch, and, you know, two out of three ain't bad. Watched this during my 2020 neo-noir kick and considered skipping it this time because I really didn't enjoy it. Found it a little more compelling this go around, while being reminded of why my feelings were room temp before. Thematically, I'm onboard: it's about a guy, Cutter, getting it in his head that he's found a murderer and needs to bring him to justice, and his friend, Bone, who intermittently helps him because he feels bad that Cutter lost his arm, leg, and eye in Nam and he also feels guilty for being in love with Cutter's wife. The question of whether the guy they're trying to bring down actually did it is intentionally undefined, and arguably unimportant; they've got personal reasons to see this through. Postmodern and noirish, fixated with the inability to ever fully know the truth of anything, but starring people so broken by society that they're desperate for certainty. (Pretty obvious parallels to Vietnam.) Cutter's a drunk and kind of an asshole, but understandably so. Bone's shiftlessness is the other response to a lack of meaning in the world, to the point where making a decision, any decision, feels like character growth, even if it's maybe killing a guy whose guilt is entirely theoretical. So, yeah, I'm down with all of this! A- in outline form. It's just that Cutter is so uninterestingly unpleasant and no one else on screen is compelling enough to make up for it. His drunken windups are tedious and his sanctimonious speeches about what the war was like are, well, true and accurate but also obviously manipulative. It's two hours with two miserable people, and I think Cutter's constant chatter is supposed to be the comic relief but it's a little too accurate to drunken rambling, which isn't funny if you're not also drunk. He's just tedious, irritating, and periodically racist. Pass.

Blood Simple (rw) I'm pretty cool on the Coens - there are things I've liked, even loved, in every Coen film I've seen, but I always come away dissatisfied. For a while, I kept going to their movies because I was sure eventually I'd love one without qualification. No Country for Old Men came close, the first two acts being master classes in sustained tension. But then the third act is all about denying closure: the protagonist is murdered offscreen, the villain's motives are never explained, and it ends with an existentialist speech about the unfathomable cruelty of the world. And it just doesn't land for me. The archness of the Coen's dialogue, the fussiness of their set design, the kinda-intimate, kinda-awkward, kinda-funny closeness of the camera's singles, it cannot sell me on a devastating meditation about meaninglessness. It's only ever sold me on the Coens' own cleverness. And that archness, that distancing, has typified every one of their movies I've come close to loving. Which is a long-ass preamble to saying, holy heck, I was not prepared for their very first movie to be the one I'd been looking for! I watched it last year and it remains true on rewatch: Blood Simple works like gangbusters. It's kind of Double Indemnity (again) but played as a comedy of errors, minus the comedy: two people romantically involved feeling their trust unravel after a murder. And I think the first thing that works for me is that utter lack of comedy. It's loaded with the Coens' trademark ironies - mostly dramatic in this case - but it's all played straight. Unlike the usual lead/femme fatale relationship, where distrust brews as the movie goes on, the audience knows the two main characters can trust each other. There are no secret duplicitous motives waiting to be revealed. The audience also know why they don't trust each other. (And it's all communicated wordlessly, btw: a character enters a scene and we know, based on the information that character has, how it looks to them and what suspicions it would arouse, even as we know the truth of it). The second thing that works is, weirdly, that the characters aren't very interesting?! Ray and Abby have almost no characterization. Outside of a general likability, they are blank slates. This is a weakness in most films, but, given the agonizingly long, wordless sequences where they dispose of bodies or hide from gunfire, you're left thinking not "what will Ray/Abby do in this scenario," because Ray and Abby are relatively elemental and undefined, but "what would I do in this scenario?" Which creates an exquisite tension but also, weirdly, creates more empathy than I feel for the Coens' usual cast of personalities. It's supposed to work the other way around! Truly enjoyable throughout but absolutely wonderful in the suspenseful-as-hell climax. Good shit right here.

Body Double The thing about erotic thrillers is everything that matters is in the name. Is it thrilling? Is it erotic? Good; all else is secondary. De Palma set out to make the most lurid, voyeuristic, horny, violent, shocking, steamy movie he could come up with, and its success was not strictly dependent on the lead's acting ability or the verisimilitude of the plot. But what are we, the modern audience, to make of it once 37 years have passed and, by today's standards, the eroticism is quite tame and the twists are no longer shocking? Then we're left with a nonsensical riff on Vertigo, a specularization of women that is very hard to justify, and lead actor made of pulped wood. De Palma's obsessions don't cohere into anything more this time; the bits stolen from Hitchcock aren't repurposed to new ends, it really is just Hitch with more tits and less brains. (I mean, I still haven't seen Vertigo, but I feel 100% confident in that statement.) The diopter shots and rear-projections this time look cheap (literally so, apparently; this had 1/3 the budget of Blow Out). There are some mildly interesting setpieces, but nothing compared to Travolta's auditory reconstructions or car chase where he tries to tail a subway train from street level even if it means driving through a frickin parade like an inverted French Connection, goddamn Blow Out was a good movie! Anyway. Melanie Griffith seems to be having fun, at least. I guess I had a little as well, but it was, at best, diverting, and a real letdown.

The Hit Surprised by how much I enjoyed this one. Terrance Stamp flips on the mob and spends ten years living a life of ease in Spain, waiting for the day they find and kill him. Movie kicks off when they do find him, and what follows is a ramshackle road movie as John Hurt and a young Tim Roth attempt to drive him to Paris so they can shoot him in front of his old boss. Stamp is magnetic. He's spent a decade reading philosophy and seems utterly prepared for death, so he spends the trip humming, philosophizing, and being friendly with his captors when he's not winding them up. It remains unclear to the end whether the discord he sews between Roth and Hurt is part of some larger plan of escape or just for shits and giggles. There's also a decent amount of plot for a movie that's not terribly plot-driven - just about every part of the kidnapping has tiny hitches the kidnappers aren't prepared for, and each has film-long repercussions, drawing the cops closer and somehow sticking Laura del Sol in their backseat. The ongoing questions are when Stamp will die, whether del Sol will die, and whether Roth will be able to pull the trigger. In the end, it's actually a meditation on ethics and mortality, but in a quiet and often funny way. It's not going to go down as one of my new favs, but it was a nice way to spend a couple hours.

Trouble in Mind (dnrw) I fucking hated this movie. It's been many months since I watched it, do I remember what I hated most? Was it the bit where a couple of country bumpkins who've come to the city walk into a diner and Mr. Bumpkin clocks that the one Black guy in the back as obviously a criminal despite never having seen him before? Was it the part where Kris Kristofferson won't stop hounding Mrs. Bumpkin no matter how many times she demands to be left alone, and it's played as romantic because obviously he knows what she needs better than she does? Or is it the part where Mr. Bumpkin reluctantly takes a job from the Obvious Criminal (who is, in fact, a criminal, and the only named Black character in the movie if I remember correctly, draw your own conclusions) and, within a week, has become a full-blown hood, which is exemplified by a lot, like, a lot of queer-coding? The answer to all three questions is yes. It's also fucking boring. Even out-of-drag Divine's performance as the villain can't save it.

Manhunter 'sfine? I've still never seen Silence of the Lambs, nor any of the Hopkins Lecter movies, nor, indeed, any full episode of the show. So the unheimlich others get seeing Brian Cox play Hannibal didn't come into play. Cox does a good job with him, but he's barely there. Shame, cuz he's the most interesting part of the movie. Honestly, there's a lot of interesting stuff that's barely there. Will Graham being a guy who gets into the heads of serial killers is explored well enough, and Mann knows how to direct a police procedural such that it's both contemplative and propulsive. But all the other themes it points at? Will's fear that he understands murderers a little too well? Hannibal trying to nudge him towards becoming one? Whatever dance Hannibal and Tooth Fairy are doing? What Tooth Fairy's deal is, anyway? (Why does he wear fake teeth and bite things? Why is he fixated on the red dragon? Does the bit where he says "Francis is gone forever" mean he has DID?) None of it goes anywhere or amounts to anything. I mean, it's certainly more interesting with this stuff than without, but it has that feel of a book that's been pared of its interesting bits to fit the runtime (or, alternately, pulp that's been sloppily elevated). I still haven't made my mind up on Mann's cold, precise camera work, but at least it gives me something to look at. It's fine! This is fine.

Mona Lisa (rw) Gave this one another shot. Bob Hoskins is wonderful as a hood out of his depth in classy places, quick to anger but just as quick to let anger go (the opening sequence where he's screaming on his ex-wife's doorstep, hurling trash cans at her house, and one minute later thrilled to see his old car, is pretty nice). And Cathy Tyson's working girl is a subtler kind of fascinating, exuding a mixture of coldness and kindness. It's just... this is ultimately a story about how heartbreaking it is when the girl you like is gay, right? It's Weezer's Pink Triangle: The Movie. It's not homophobic, exactly - Simone isn't demonized for being a lesbian - but it's still, like, "man, this straight white guy's pain is so much more interesting than the Black queer sex worker's." And when he's yelling "you woulda done it!" at the end, I can't tell if we're supposed to agree with him. Seems pretty clear that she wouldn'ta done it, at least not without there being some reveal about her character that doesn't happen, but I don't think the ending works if we don't agree with him, so... I'm like 70% sure the movie does Simone dirty there. For the first half, their growing relationship feels genuine and natural, and, honestly, the story being about a real bond that unfortunately means different things to each party could work if it didn't end with a gun and a sock in the jaw. Shape feels jagged as well; what feels like the end of the second act or so turns out to be the climax. And some of the symbolism is... well, ok, Simone gives George money to buy more appropriate clothes for hanging out in high end hotels, and he gets a tan leather jacket and a Hawaiian shirt, and their first proper bonding moment is when she takes him out for actual clothes. For the rest of the movie he is rocking double-breasted suits (not sure I agree with the striped tie, but it was the eighties, whaddya gonna do?). Then, in the second half, she sends him off looking for her old streetwalker friend, and now he looks completely out of place in the strip clubs and bordellos. So far so good. But then they have this run-in where her old pimp pulls a knife and cuts George's arm, so, with his nice shirt torn and it not safe going home (I guess?) he starts wearing the Hawaiian shirt again. So around the time he's starting to realize he doesn't really belong in Simone's world or the lowlife world he came from anymore, he's running around with the classy double-breasted suit jacket over the garish Hawaiian shirt, and, yeah, bit on the nose guys. Anyway, it has good bits, I just feel like a movie that asks me to feel for the guy punching a gay, Black woman in the face needs to work harder to earn it. Bit of wasted talent.

The Bedroom Window Starts well. Man starts an affair with his boss' wife, their first night together she witnesses an attempted murder from his window, she worries going to the police will reveal the affair to her husband, so the man reports her testimony to the cops claiming he's the one who saw it. Young Isabelle Huppert is the perfect woman for a guy to risk his career on a crush over, and Young Steve Guttenberg is the perfect balance of affability and amorality. And it flows great - picks just the right media to res. So then he's talking to the cops, telling them what she told him, and they ask questions he forgot to ask her - was the perp's jacket a blazer or a windbreaker? - and he has to guess. Then he gets called into the police lineup, and one guy matches her description really well, but is it just because he's wearing his red hair the way she described it? He can't be sure, doesn't finger any of them. He finds out the cops were pretty certain about one of the guys, so he follows the one he thinks it was around, looking for more evidence, and another girl is attacked right outside a bar he knows the redhead was at. Now he's certain! But he shows the boss' wife the guy and she's not certain, and she reminds him they don't even know if the guy he followed is the same guy the police suspected! And as he feeds more evidence to the cops, he has to lie more, because he can't exactly say he was tailing the guy around the city. So, I'm all in now. Maybe it's because I'd so recently rewatched Night Moves and Cutter's Way, but this seems like another story about uncertainty. He's really certain about the guy because it fits narratively, and we, the audience, feel the same. But he's not actually a witness, he doesn't have actual evidence, he's fitting bits and pieces together like a conspiracy theorist. He's fixating on what he wants to be true. Sign me up! But then it turns out he's 100% correct about who the killer is but his lies are found out and now the cops think he's the killer and I realize, oh, no, this movie isn't nearly as smart as I thought it was. Egg on my face! What transpires for the remaining half of the runtime is goofy as hell, and someone with shlockier sensibilities could have made a meal of it, but Hanson, despite being a Corman protege, takes this silliness seriously in the all wrong ways. Next!

Homicide (rw? I think I saw most of this on TV one time) Homicide centers around the conflicted loyalties of a Jewish cop. It opens with the Jewish cop and his white gentile partner taking over a case with a Black perp from some Black FBI agents. The media is making a big thing about the racial implications of the mostly white cops chasing down a Black man in a Black neighborhood. And inside of 15 minutes the FBI agent is calling the lead a k*ke and the gentile cop is calling the FBI agent a f****t and there's all kinds of invective for Black people. The film is announcing its intentions out the gate: this movie is about race. But the issue here is David Mamet doesn't care about race as anything other than a dramatic device. He's the Ubisoft of filmmakers, having no coherent perspective on social issues but expecting accolades for even bringing them up. Mamet is Jewish (though lead actor Joe Mantegna definitely is not) but what is his position on the Jewish diaspora? The whole deal is Mantegna gets stuck with a petty homicide case instead of the big one they just pinched from the Feds, where a Jewish candy shop owner gets shot in what looks like a stickup. Her family tries to appeal to his Jewishness to get him to take the case seriously, and, after giving them the brush-off for a long time, finally starts following through out of guilt, finding bits and pieces of what may or may not be a conspiracy, with Zionist gun runners and underground neo-Nazis. But, again: all of these are just dramatic devices. Mantegna's Jewishness (those words will never not sound ridiculous together) has always been a liability for him as a cop (we are told, not shown), and taking the case seriously is a reclamation of identity. The Jews he finds community with sold tommyguns to revolutionaries during the founding of Israel. These Jews end up blackmailing him to get a document from the evidence room. So: what is the film's position on placing stock in one's Jewish identity? What is its position on Israel? What is its opinion on Palestine? Because all three come up! And the answer is: Mamet doesn't care. You can read it a lot of different ways. Someone with more context and more patience than me could probably deduce what the de facto message is, the way Chris Franklin deduced the de facto message of Far Cry V despite the game's efforts not to have one, but I'm not going to. Mantegna's attempt to reconnect with his Jewishness gets his partner killed, gets the guy he was supposed to bring in alive shot dead, gets him possibly permanent injuries, gets him on camera blowing up a store that's a front for white nationalists, and all for nothing because the "clues" he found (pretty much exclusively by coincidence) were unconnected nothings. The problem is either his Jewishness, or his lifelong failure to connect with his Jewishness until late in life. Mamet doesn't give a shit. (Like, Mamet canonically doesn't give a shit: he is on record saying social context is meaningless, characters only exist to serve the plot, and there are no deeper meanings in fiction.) Mamet's ping-pong dialogue is fun, as always, and there are some neat ideas and characters, but it's all in service of a big nothing that needed to be a something to work.

Swoon So much I could talk about, let's keep it to the most interesting bits. Hommes Fatales: a thing about classic noir that it was fascinated by the marginal but had to keep it in the margins. Liberated women, queer-coded killers, Black jazz players, broke thieves; they were the main event, they were what audiences wanted to see, they were what made the movies fun. But the ending always had to reassert straightlaced straight, white, middle-class male society as unshakeable. White supremacist capitalist patriarchy demanded, both ideologically and via the Hays Code, that anyone outside these norms be punished, reformed, or dead by the movie's end. The only way to make them the heroes was to play their deaths for tragedy. It is unsurprising that neo-noir would take the queer-coded villains and make them the protagonists. Implicature: This is the story of Leopold and Loeb, murderers famous for being queer, and what's interesting is how the queerness in the first half exists entirely outside of language. Like, it's kind of amazing for a movie from 1992 to be this gay - we watch Nathan and Dickie kiss, undress, masturbate, fuck; hell, they wear wedding rings when they're alone together. But it's never verbalized. Sex is referred to as "your reward" or "what you wanted" or "best time." Dickie says he's going to have "the girls over," and it turns out "the girls" are a bunch of drag queens, but this is never acknowledged. Nathan at one point lists off a bunch of famous men - Oscar Wild, E.M. Forster, Frederick the Great - but, though the commonality between them is obvious (they were all gay), it's left the the audience to recognize it. When their queerness is finally verbalized in the second half, it's first in the language of pathology - a psychiatrist describing their "perversions" and "misuse" of their "organs" before the court, which has to be cleared of women because it's so inappropriate - and then with slurs from the man who murders Dickie in jail (a murder which is written off with no investigation because the victim is a gay prisoner instead of a L&L's victim, a child of a wealthy family). I don't know if I'd have noticed this if I hadn't read Chip Delany describing his experience as a gay man in the 50's existing almost entirely outside of language, the only language at the time being that of heteronormativity. Murder as Love Story: L&L exchange sex as payment for the other commiting crimes; it's foreplay. Their statements to the police where they disagree over who's to blame is a lover's quarrel. Their sentencing is a marriage. Nathan performs his own funeral rites over Dickie's body after he dies on the operating table. They are, in their way, together til death did they part. This is the relationship they can have. That it does all this without romanticizing the murder itself or valorizing L&L as humans is frankly incredible.

Suture (rw) The pitch: at the funeral for his father, wealthy Vincent Towers meets his long lost half brother Clay Arlington. It is implied Clay is a child from out of wedlock, possibly an affair; no one knows Vincent has a half-brother but him and Clay. Vincent invites Clay out to his fancy-ass home in Arizona. Thing is, Vincent is suspected (correctly) by the police of having murdered his father, and, due to a striking family resemblence, he's brought Clay to his home to fake his own death. He finagles Clay into wearing his clothes and driving his car, and then blows the car up and flees the state, leaving the cops to think him dead. Thing is, Clay survives, but with amnesia. The doctors tell him he's Vincent, and he has no reason to disagree. Any discrepancy in the way he looks is dismissed as the result of reconstructive surgery after the explosion. So Clay Arlington resumes Vincent Towers' life, without knowing Clay Arlington even exists. The twist: Clay and Vincent are both white, but Vincent is played by Michael Harris, a white actor, and Clay is played by Dennis Haysbert, a Black actor. "Ian, if there's just the two of them, how do you know it's not Harris playing a Black character?" Glad you asked! It is most explicitly obvious during a scene where Vincent/Clay's surgeon-cum-girlfriend essentially bringing up phrenology to explain how Vincent/Clay couldn't possibly have murdered his father, describing straight hair, thin lips, and a Greco-Roman nose Haysbert very clearly doesn't have. But, let's be honest: we knew well beforehand that the rich-as-fuck asshole living in a huge, modern house and living it up in Arizona high society was white. Though Clay is, canonically, white, he lives an poor and underprivileged life common to Black men in America. Though the film's title officially refers to the many stitches holding Vincent/Clay's face together after the accident, "suture" is a film theory term, referring to the way a film audience gets wrapped up - sutured - in the world of the movie, choosing to forget the outside world and pretend the story is real. The usage is ironic, because the audience cannot be sutured in; we cannot, and are not expected to, suspend our disbelief that Clay is white. We are deliberately distanced. Consequently this is a movie to be thought about, not to to be felt. It has the shape of a Hitchcockian thriller but it can't evoke the emotions of one. You can see the scaffolding - "ah, yes, this is the part of a thriller where one man hides while another stalks him with a gun, clever." I feel ill-suited to comment on what the filmmakers are saying about race. I could venture a guess about the ending, where the psychiatrist, the only one who knows the truth about Clay, says he can never truly be happy living the lie of being Vincent Towers, while we see photographs of Clay/Vincent seemingly living an extremely happy life: society says white men simply belong at the top more than Black men do, but, if the roles could be reversed, the latter would slot in seamlessly. Maybe??? Of all the movies in this collection, this is the one I'd most want to read an essay on (followed by Swoon).

The Last Seduction (dnrw) No, no, no, I am not rewataching this piece of shit movie.

Brick (rw) Here's my weird contention: Brick is in color and in widescreen, but, besides that? There's nothing neo- about this noir. There's no swearing except "hell." (I always thought Tug said "goddamn" at one point but, no, he's calling The Pin "gothed-up.") There's a lot of discussion of sex, but always through implication, and the only deleted scene is the one that removed ambiguity about what Brendan and Laura get up to after kissing. There's nothing postmodern or subversive - yes, the hook is it's set in high school, but the big twist is that it takes this very seriously. It mines it for jokes, yes, but the drama is authentic. In fact, making the gumshoe a high school student, his jadedness an obvious front, still too young to be as hard as he tries to be, just makes the drama hit harder. Sam Spade if Sam Spade were allowed to cry. I've always found it an interesting counterpoint to The Good German, a movie that fastidiously mimics the aesthetics of classic noir - down to even using period-appropriate sound recording - but is wholly neo- in construction. Brick could get approved by the Hays Code. Its vibe, its plot about a detective playing a bunch of criminals against each other, even its slang ("bulls," "yegg," "flopped") are all taken directly from Hammett. It's not even stealing from noir, it's stealing from what noir stole from! It's a perfect curtain call for the collection: the final film is both the most contemporary and the most classic. It's also - but for the strong case you could make for Night Moves - the best movie on the list. It's even more appropriate for me, personally: this was where it all started for me and noir. I saw this in theaters when it came out and loved it. It was probably my favorite movie for some time. It gave me a taste for pulpy crime movies which I only, years later, realized were neo-noir. This is why I looked into Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang and In Bruges. I've seen it more times than any film on this list, by a factor of at least 3. It's why I will always adore Rian Johnson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It's the best-looking half-million-dollar movie I've ever seen. (Indie filmmakers, take fucking notes.) I even did a script analysis of this, and, yes, it follows the formula, but so tightly and with so much style. Did you notice that he says several of the sequence tensions out loud? ("I just want to find her." "Show of hands.") I notice new things each time I see it - this time it was how "brushing Brendan's hair out of his face" is Em's move, making him look more like he does in the flashback, and how Laura does the same to him as she's seducing him, in the moment when he misses Em the hardest. It isn't perfect. It's recreated noir so faithfully that the Innocent Girl dies, the Femme Fatale uses intimacy as a weapon, and none of the women ever appear in a scene together. 1940's gender politics maybe don't need to be revisited. They say be critical of the media you love, and it applies here most of all: it is a real criticism of something I love immensely.

[userpurple]

Yes that was the photo!! Idk how people live in nyc, it seems like the weather gets so unbearable at times. Ill definitely check out the asmr, ive been looking for new channels to watch anyways! Yeah it sucks that acnh needs a switch, but imo its the best animal crossing game Nintendo has put out so far. I also used to play guitar! Ive lost the calluses on my fingers though so now whenever I play it hurts haha. I totally get the movie thing. I have a habit of choosing video essays on YouTube over movies, even though a lot of the video essays I watch are movie length. Make it make sense brain???? I probably should’ve guessed you liked frozen 2 by your header! It was such a gorgeous movie. What are your favorite kinds of edits to make? - pixel ☕️

hellow again pixel! yup it's sad that animal crossing needs a switch but you know what? i'm gonna go watch gameplays on yt XD like, the ones that record everything right from the very start hehe i've been doing that for genshin impact lately :D

ugh tell me about the calluses! i feel like all string instruments require you to constantly touch them at least once every day if you wanna play them without crying from the burns on your fingertips lmao.

oooo video essays sound interesting! what are they? and yes i did love frozen 2! though i think the plot line didn't make much sense. i watched the disney+ documentary on how they made it and it was just absolute chaos and rushing lol. but i didn't mind that much honestly bc for me the key focus was on how visually STUNNING the animation & graphics were!! especially as an editor and gif-maker, the color palettes were inspiring af + great for enhancing color theory <3 what was your favorite scene/moment from the movie? mine was elsa battling the dark sea and the water horse!

ahhhh favorite edits to make that's hard bc there are so many!! but i'll give you some of my current ones:

i love making edits based around b&w, vintage minimalism and monochrome themes. obviously, with these concepts less is more and i'm something of a minimalist myself. also i love the challenge :) @ikraar is honestly a b&w queen and mist just constantly inspires me! 

handwriting edits! this is a rather recent obsession kslhakljskallf i just love the idea of overlaying your handwriting on a picture it’s just so charming??

collages but i’ve only made one so far for a friend’s birthday (it was my first time trying! i was proud with how it turned out) and for collages nat/miss marshmallow @ohh-goddamn has my absolute mad respect she just rules that category!! 

the final one is posters and redesigns of anything from a movie, tv show or album! this type is probably the one i do most cause it’s what comes the most naturally to me. i’ve been making edits for years, starting with good ol’ picsart and working my way up to photoshop (@magnusedom @cheddarthefluffyboi and @deepika-padukone are my gurus). i like that i can sit in front of a blank canvas on my laptop and just conceptualize the design as i go <3

final one is simple hehe. any edit that lets me use the film grain filter or overlays :’)

what about you? what are your favorite movies? are you a content creator on here as well? 

[ltleflrt]

I would love some more mean advice, I'm taking notes because this is a goldmine

lol honestly, the advice about not starting a fic with Life Story Infodump or Daily Grind Infodump is the most important thing I can think of. Since nearly all of the times I back out of a fic, it’s because of one of those two things.  Just about everything else I can think of is pretty minor and won’t make me quit reading.  But here’s a few things I think might be helpful just for giving a story some extra shine.

1. Minute detail of a process is rarely necessary.  Gloss over how something works unless the details have something to do with plot. For instance, if Dean is making tacos for dinner, just say Dean gets to work preparing tacos. Don’t talk about warming up the shells, or browning the meat, or slicing the veggies.  Unless it’s plot related. If Dean makes checklists and crosses things off to soothe anxiety, then those details are important, but make it clear that he’s self-soothing.  Or if Cas is allergic to onions, bring up that Dean sauteed them and added them to the meat, because Dean LOVES onions, and it didn’t occur to him to check if Cas has allergies before he started cooking, and they can’t be picked out, and oops the date ends with Dean rushing Cas to the ER, etc.  Otherwise, just say Dean had an hour left till Cas showed up for dinner, so he hurried to prepare all the taco fixings, and it took too little time so now he had to figure out how to occupy himself till the doorbell rang.

(btw, I would LOVE more first date ending up in the ER stories, everyone who reads this is free to adopt that idea lol)

2. Please don’t write an entire story in 1-2 sentence paragraphs.  This is rare, but it’s an almost instant nope out for me.  There’s this one story that I reeeeeally want to read, because it’s right up my alley, and other than the short paragraph issue, it’s well written so I keep trying but getting stuck.  I’m gonna have to copy it into a doc and edit the paragraphs and squish some stuff together to make it legible to my brain.  Like there’s a long stretch in the first chapter where every sentence is its own paragraph, and just.... why.  When you’re putting a paragraph break, there’s a mental pause happening in the reader’s mind.  And too many short paragraphs in a row makes it more like a really long poem rather than a typical story you’d read in a book.  A lot of advice says to not attack your readers with a wall of text (WALL OF TEXT CRITS YOU FOR OVER 9000!!!) and to break things up, but the opposite is also true.  Too many super short paragraphs is like Damage Over Time (THROW MORE DOTS, MORE DOTS!) and either one of those will defeat your reader’s interest.  Short paragraphs are a very useful tool, I use them myself for emphasis, but it can’t be your whole story.  Try to limit it to no more than 3 in a row.  If you’re going past that, take a minute to read those sentences and see if they’re related to each other.  Squish them into a single paragraph if they are.  Varying your paragraph length IS an art form.  Like writing music.  Paragraphs build a cadence, and staccato cannot sustain a whole song.  This can be mitigated by creating long compound sentences though, so keep in mind that the length of the sentence, which should vary, can make a paragraph feel longer, even if it is only 1 or 2 sentences.

(haha she gives advice on how to break up paragraphs while critting you with a wall of text!  good job, Carebear.)

3. The art of breaking up dialogue is just as delicate as the art of paragraph construction.  Too much back and forth without breaking it up with an action or an internal thought can make it confusing who is talking.  The rule of 3 comes in handy here too.  After 3 back and forths, put in something non-dialogue.  So it would go Character A says thing, Character B says Thing, Character A says thing, add some action/internal thoughts.  And just a he/she/they said tag isn’t enough.  IT IS BETTER THAN NOTHING, and depending on the cadence of the conversation it’s the right tool.  But adding some physical movement or a stray thought would be better.  That being said, don’t put too much action/thought between sections of dialogue.  If you put too much info in there, it can make your reader forget that there’s even a conversation going on, and they’ll get to the next piece of dialogue and be like wtf is this pertaining to again? and they’ll have to scroll back to the last line of dialogue to remember what was last said.  Remember, thoughts fly at the speed of light, so if you’re pausing the dialogue for some internal character thought, it’s happening in a matter of seconds, but your reader needs minutes to read and parse what’s going on.  Again, rule of 3, try not to do more than 3 paragraphs between dialogues.  And if you’re still not sure, or you feel like you need more so you keep going, read out loud from the last dialogue through the next dialogue and it’ll give you an idea of just how much time is physically passing for your readers, and you’ll start to feel the true size of things.

(WRITE ALL THAT STUFF DOWN THO.  If you need to get it out, then by all means, get it out.  It’s your first draft, and it’s important for YOU, even if a lot of it isn’t important for the reader.  Trim it in the edit. FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS, TRIM IT IN THE EDIT.)

(And the rule of 3 is a guideline, not a rule.  It’s just a good measuring tool that you can use until you’re comfortable enough to eyeball things on your own.)

Anyway, those are the only things that come to mind while I’m calm and not in a frothing rage over writing errors that are not mine to correct.  I feel like a huge asshole for vague-bitching about other people’s writing, and I profusely apologize for anyone’s hurt feelings if they read this advice and realize this might apply to something they’ve done.  PLEASE KEEP WRITING, DON’T LET MY WHINGING DISCOURAGE YOU, I LOVE YOU.

[whosaskingwrites]

A Thousand Times (Osamu x Reader)

A/n: I'm gonna be real this took so long because I just didn't know what to do? And then I started a various! Haikyu x reader. But I got this done finally so if you've been waiting for this one here it is. Also I just really like putting Osamu through the ringer huh? I'm so sorry bby. And Forget You beat out Unrequited for top one-shot recently!

WARNINGS: Angst. There's one mention of assault as well. Told from third person Osamu p.o.v

Date: Friday November 6th, 2020

Details: 5 pages 1,800 words

Theme: Star Tears- The victim cries tiny star-shaped tears. They are extremely painful and eventually cause the victim to go blind. They produce a dim glow and make a light 'Tinkling' sound when they hit the ground. The blindness can be cured if the person the victim loves makes a statement of love and means it.

Angst Masterlist

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

There were so many other ways this was supposed to go. He thought while he looked at her. She stood twirling around the white dress catching the light and sparkling. She was beautiful to him and of course someone else thought so or else they wouldn't be here right now.

But here they were. 'Maybe' he thought if he hadn't been a coward then it would have been him dancing with her in a suit while she wore a white gown. It would have been him telling her he loved her. It would have been him calling her Mrs. Miya as they danced. Maybe he should have told her the day of their first date. While he helped her pick an outfit she had been panicked.

"Calm down Y/n," She scoffed in response "Calm down? Samu you and I both know I've never been on a date before. And now I'm going on one with my childhood best friend!" He watched her his heart rate picking up as she held up different clothes in the mirror.

"It's not that big of a deal y'know? He's known you pretty much your whole life," He stated feeling uncomfortable helping her. Maybe making her more nervous would be a better idea so she'd cancel and they could spend the day together. "I guess you're right but still! It's different now!" She stated. "Okay just...Treat it normally and you'll be fine,"

She went into the closet coming out in a cute outfit that fit her b/t figure just right. "Alright Samu I'm off. Wish me luck!" He waved by as she ran out the door a bright smile on her face and excitement in her eyes. He stood heading back to his own house with slow steps.

Arriving home he closed the door to his room intent on hiding away from everyone. He laid down staring at the ceiling as the familiar burning sensation built up behind his eyes.

"Fuck," he mumbled when he heard it the soft twinkle of a star tear and the pale glow that lit up a small area around his bed. More of them fell sparking pain in his eyes and across his face. The pain followed the trail left behind by the glowing stars and despite his best efforts to shove his palm into his eyes and stop the tears it didn't work.

"You know I didn't even think they liked each other!" Osamu tuned into her moms voice and then he heard his own mother speak and he sighed. "I know! I always thought she'd end up with Osamu not...," He tuned out knowing what they were talking about. He didn't need to listen anymore.

"Samu what's wrong with ya?" Atsumu was looking at him with judgement. His arms were crossed in front of him clearly upset and honestly he didn't blame Atsumu. "Nothing's wrong with me," He answered him. "Bullshit," His own eyes narrowed at his brother "I just don't like it okay?" Atsumu rolled his eyes "I told you you wouldnt," Atsumu voiced.

"Osamu," He looked to the right his eyes meeting the blank pair of Kita's. "Kita," he answered back watching Kita gesture with his hand. He stood following Kita outside throwing one last glance over his shoulder at Y/n as she danced around with Aran her dress sparking like freshly fallen snow.

"What is it Kita?" He asked when the two of them were outside. "You have to let her go Osamu," Kita voiced quietly. "I cant let her go," He said back. "Osamu...You shouldn't love her...Not when it causes this," Kita gestured to his face where the star tears were already prevalent. 

"And you especially shouldn't love her now that she just got married," Kita sent him a pointed look. "I would go blind over and over if it meant I could love her," He answered the male staring forward. The wind softly brushed them causing their hair to flutter. "Osamu...We all know we didn't expect it to go this far...but he loves her so you have to let her go," They heard a series of dull thumps against the ground turning they saw Atsumu jogging over.

"Hey what are you two doing out here?" Atsumu stopped as he got closer a wide smile decorating his face. "Oh we were just catching some air y'know," Kita easily responded handing Osamu his handkerchief as he stepped infront of him, blocking him from Atsumu's view. He wiped his eyes quickly hiding the star tears before they could give him away.

"Shouldn't you be inside Tsumu?" He voiced at his brother while said male hummed. "Ah they don't need me in there right now. Sakusa’s getting drunk and Bokuto’s dancing with Y/n," He flinched at the last part of the sentence. Though Atsumu never seemed to notice "Isn't Bokuto drunk? Are you sure they should be dancing?" Atsumu shrugged at Kita's question. "I think they'll be fine," Atsumu adjusted the sleeves of his button up with a hum as if he was truly thinking it over.

"You know maybe I should go-," "There you are!" The group looked past Atsumu. Y/n was there a bright smile on her face her hands were wrapped into the skirt of her wedding dress. Her head was tilted to the side eyes crinkling in pure mirth. "Hey what are you doin' out here?" Atsumu asked turning to face her. "Ah Bokuto passed out Akaashi and Hinata are sitting him down now. But I think the party is wrapping up soon," she giggled it was a light sound and God did Osamu love it.

"Alright we'll be back over soon. Kita can you bring the lovely bride back to the party?" Atsumu asked with a small smile. "Alright ya flirt," Y/n said with a laugh taking Kita's arm as they walked back. Atsumu sighed as he sat down. "So...I know you're upset about this...," Atsumu started off quietly.

"Im not upset Tsumu...I had my chance and I blew it," He voiced. Atsumu sighed as he stood up heading back to the party. "Hey Tsumu," He said looking at his brothers back. Atsumu turned back facing him with a questioning look. "You told me that if at any point I wanted her you'd back off...I know that deals off the table now so just...don't hurt her okay?" 

Atsumu shook his head "Im not going to hurt her Samu...She's everything to me," He raised a hand up to push his hair back the light from a nearby lamppost reflected off his ring. "You didn't even like her at first," He scoffed.

"Look Samu we all know you like her!" Atsumu claimed with an eye roll. "No i don't. You're just being stupid," He denied quickly just like every other time. "Alright fine Samu. I'll give you a deal," he rolled his eyes at his brothers provocation. "What?" He asked "You either ask her out by the end of the week or I do," Atsumu challenged.

He scrunched his nose in distaste "You don't even like her why would you ask her out?" He asked. "To spur you on. If you tell me to back off at any point I will y'know?" Atsumu said. "So you're just gonna string along our childhood best friend for this?" He asked incredulously. "No she'll get over it," Atsumu shrugged. "No. I'm not letting you string her along," He stated.

"You're right I didn't," Atsumu hummed in agreement. "But I love her now and that's what matters," He stared off into the distance with a smile. "You remember the day I told her I loved her? It was an accident too," he laughed.

They were playing at nationals. Atsumu and him were third years now and Y/n was watching from the stands. She wore Atsumu's jersey and everytime they looked at her she made a face at them before trying to get away from the guy next to her. Atsumu glared at the guy mumbling something under his breath "Let's finish this game," he angrily said. Sending one last glare at the man.

They finished the game with a service ace from Atsumu and as soon as the whistle blew Y/n raced down to the court the strange guy following her. She showed up on court with a smile "Tsumu!" He turned and on instinct Atsumu smiled as well. "Y/n," she hugged Atsumu while his nose crinkled. "Babe I'm all sweaty!" She pulled away placing a kiss on his cheek. "Dont care! I'll be outside okay?" She said skipping off.

Only five minutes later they were leaving the building looking for Y/n. Only for the team to pause as they spotted her. She stood trying to get away and the stranger that was in the stands with her was harshly gripping her wrist. "Come on baby I just wanna show you a good time!" "No thank you!" Atsumu moved first separating the two while grabbing the collar of the man. 

Osamu grabbed Y/n holding her close to him while she held on just as tightly. "Hey! Why are you putting your hands on my girl!" Atsumu yelled. He wasn't paying attention too busy trying to sooth Y/n the handprint already forming on her wrist. "You're okay," he whispered into her hair line.

"Y/n," He was thrown back into reality then remembering that no he wasn't the one dating Y/n. "Tsumu," He let go of her watching her throw herself at Atsumu and he held on to her just as tightly. "Fuck you alright babe?" He said catching her arm and seeing the bruise. "Im okay now," she smiled at him. He didn't know what his brother was thinking in that moment but he just watched Atsumu kiss her and pull away. "Im glad you're okay...I love you Y/n," she gasped then and smiled again. "I love you too Tsumu,"

"I remember," he got up following his brother into the party he stood off to the side watching them as Kita and Suna came over. Atsumu reached Y/n and kissed her Atsumu's voice carrying as tears started to drip down his face. "Ready to go Mrs. Y/n Miya?" She laughed taking his arm. "Of course Mr. Atsumu Miya," and as they walked out the last image he could see was Atsumu and Y/n looking at each other matching smiles on their faces.

Her dress sparkled next to the black suit Atsumu was wearing. They were holding hands matching rings sparkling on their hands. His vision faded until it was just black but despise that he smiled.

"Take care of her okay Tsumu?"

___________________________________________

TAGLIST: @wonhomarshmallow

[milkmateartist]

HEAVENS Black Garden English Translation 【 Eiichi & Eiji's Route Pt. 1 】

[ --- I do not own Black Garden, HEAVENS, Utapri, or any of the characters. This is a fan translation using a combination of google translate and my own japanese knowledge --- ]

// Translated by MilkmateArtist

-------------------------------------------------------------

▽ You

"Someone may come back, so I'll wait here."

I might get lost if I walked around recklessly in an unfamiliar place.

I also didn't have the courage to wander about in the dark.

▽ Eric

"You're awake……?"

▽ You

"Eric! !!"

I turned around to see Abel and Eric.

▽ Eric

"Sorry, did we surprise you? We ran out of firewood so we went out to get some more".

He held some pieces of firewood in his hands.

▽ Abel

"This area gets cold at night".

Abel said this as he added wood to the fire.

Embers from the fireplace flared up and the room became brighter.

▽ You

"Where are the others ...?"

▽ Abel

"They're back in their room and resting. Everyone was pretty energetic today so they're probably tired."

▽ You

"I'm sorry, you two remained because I fell asleep, huh?"

▽ Abel

"I thought about picking you up and carrying you to your room, but Eric thought it would be pitiful if I woke you up, so I didn't do so."

▽ Eric

"Jeez, Nii san! That was supposed to be confidential. "

As if a bit flustered, Eiichi's words got the better of Eiji.

▽ You

"Thank you for your concern. "

▽ Eric

"Um……. If you'd like, would you like to talk a little more?"

▽ You

"Of course! To be honest, It's rather lonely being on my own".

The drowsiness I had before seemed to disappear as if it were a lie.

▽ Abel

"So what would you like to talk about?"

(A) Hear about Abel

(B) Hear about Eric

(C) Hear about life in the mansion

(A) Hear About Abel:

▽ You

"I want to hear about you Abel."

▽ Abel

"I'm pleased by your request, especially since you're lonely, But I think it's better to talk about something else."

Abel seemed to care about Eric being there. He seemed to cherish his younger brother.

▽ Abel

"Instead, tell us about yourself.. I'm sure Eric wants to hear too."

Then as requested, I started telling them about myself for a while.

(B) Hear about Eric:

▽ You

"I want to hear about Eric".

▽ Eric

"About me……? I don't know if it's that interesting. I'm not very good at conversation."

Eric looked down with little confidence. I felt his humble nature.

▽ Eric

"Um ... if you don't mind, I'd like to hear about you. We'd like to get to know you better. Right, nii san?"

Then as requested, I started telling them about myself for a while.

(C) Hear about life in the mansion

▽ You

"I would like to ask about life in the mansion.".

▽ Abel

"Though the work is split between all of us, with the exception of my own work, there is much to do."

▽ Eric

"There are only 7 people, so we have to work together. When we finish our work we have free time so it's enjoyable."

Excited, the conversation piled up regarding their mansion life.

CONTINUE:

How much time had passed? The firewood they had put down earlier had gotten smaller.

I felt that I became a little more familiar with things regarding the mansion.

▽ Abel

"Thank you again for coming. You're a person suitable for the mansion."

▽ You

"Me? Really ...! I still think it's a dream."

I couldn't believe someone with such a wonderful mansion was my relative. The world they live in is too different.

▽ Abel

"You don't have to be modest. Just by being here your beauty accompanies the flowers. More than anything, you have a radiant personality. There is no boundary to your virtue."

I could tell he was speaking from the heart as he emphasized and gestured with grandeur.

▽ Abel

"Your soul is resonating, do you understand...? You're a necessity."

▽ You

"I'm a ... necessity ...?"

As though captivated, I was drawn in by the fiery zeal in Abel's eyes. A hypnotic floating sensation dominated my body.

▽ Eric

"It's unusual for my brother to like someone this much".

To relieve the tense atmosphere, Eric got up from his chair and added wood to the fireplace.

▽ Eric

"Even though Nii san was better than anyone, and was the envy of others, he never sought out anyone."

▽ Abel

"That's a misunderstanding. I can't do anything on my own.. I think it's all thanks to everyone and especially Eric that I can maintain this life."

▽ Eric

"That's very like you Nii san. You're as special as always. I'm always chasing after you. For me that's always so..."

Then he closed his mouth and looked down.

▽ You

"That's not true. The food today was really good and the garden you take care of is more radiant than any other."

Is there anything I can do? I thought I'd try to encourage him in the least.

▽ Eric

"…………."

Perhaps he was surprised by the sudden words, seeing his startled expression.

▽ You

"Ah……. I just got passionate.. I'm sorry, I just met you and all."

▽ Eric

"No, Thank you. As Nii san says, you really are wonderful. I'm happy that we met."

▽ Abel

"We should wrap it up. It's getting later in the night. You should go back to your room. "

Heeding Abel's words, the fun time came to a close. The two sent me out beforehand since they had to clean up.

It seemed that the rain had stopped before I knew it.

On my way back to my room, I couldn't help worry about something.

"Don't enter the garden at night"

When it came to the garden at night, everyone spoke as though they were hiding something.

And above all, I was struck by the desire to see the beautiful garden at night.

▽ You

"I wonder if there is any place I can go to get outside."

The doors and windows of the building were locked and unlikely to open. I tried many ways, but even the smallest window was locked.

The back road that I passed in the daytime was also closed.

It felt like I was trapped in the building itself.

▽ You

"Over there……".

While wandering around the hall, I found a corridor through the window. There was a tower at the end of the passageway, and it seemed like it could go outside.

I put my hand on the door to the crossing corridor.

▽ You

"It's open! "

The cool outside breeze stroked my cheeks.

When I leaned out from the railing in the corridor, I could see the garden through the gaps between the trees.

Now I can go out to the garden. I broke into a walk as if I were drawn in.

▽ Abel

"What are you doing."

Abel appeared from the entrance of the tower.

▽ Abel

"You didn't go back to your room?"

He gave a sharp look that pierced through me.

▽ Abel

"You weren't going to the garden, were you?"

(A) Be honest

(B) I got lost

(C) I wanted some fresh air

(B) I got lost

▽ You

"When I tried to return to the room, I got lost ... "

I mustn't tell the truth. I felt so instinctively.

▽ Abel

"Lost, huh ... Don't you think that sounds rather unfortunate?"

He looked at me with mercy and approached me.

▽ Abel

"I hate lies."

(A) Be honest

▽ You

"……I was. I was really curious about the garden."

It was useless hiding it. I answered honestly.

▽ Abel

"I see.. You answered well. It's good to be honest."

I thought I would be scolded, so I was surprised at his words.

▽ Abel

"However, there are rules in the world that must not be broken."

▽ You

……! !!

Someone smote the back of my head and I fell down there. A red stain spread on the floor.

▽ Abel

"Good night. Sleep for eternity ..".

BAD END

(C) I wanted some fresh air

▽ You

"I wanted some fresh air ..."

Even if it wasn't correct, I immediately gave an excuse not too far-fetched.

It was also true that I wanted to get out from being indoors.

▽ Abel

"Well said, but all doors and windows are closed at night. Except for this passageway."

He spoke in an inquiring tone.

▽ Abel

"Why do you think that is? If you are that clever, then you know the answer?"

Abel walked slowly and lined up next to me.

▽ You

"..... I - I don't know. "

▽ Abel

"It's to catch anyone trying to break into the garden."

CONTINUE

Abel strongly grabbed my shoulder and pushed me back into the mansion.

▽ You

……! !!

Unable to resist his power, I was at his mercy.

▽ Abel

"Those who break the rules need appropriate sanctions."

My dread prevented me from speaking.

Abel roughly opened a door and I was thrown into a room.

My body hits the back of the wall in recoil.

▽ You

"...... Kya! !!"

Abel hit the wall with his hand as if to corner me, and peered into my face with a bloodcurdling expression.

▽ Abel

"Didn't I warn you enough? Why did you not take it?"

▽ You

"I- I'm sorry ..."

▽ Abel

"...... I'm disappointed in you."

He let me go, expressing a bit of sadness.

▽ Abel

"It must be seen that bad (girls/boys/etc) be punished."

The key ring in Abel's hand made a noise as it swayed..

▽ Abel

"Cool your head in this room. If you wish to live here, change your behavior."

▽ You

"Abel, please wait!"

I desperately clung to his hand. Feeling really guilty, terror started to seep into the gloomy room.

▽ Abel

"Understand that there are things in the world that should not be known."

He shook my hand off and I slumped to the floor.

(A) Ask the secret of the garden

(B) Contradict him

(C) Obediently comply

(A) Ask the secret of the garden

▽ You

What kind of secret is there behind the garden at night?

I said I had been wondering for a long time.

▽ You

"When the topic comes up, everyone acts as though they're trying to hide something. As if they're scared ..."

The secret that casts a dark shadow on this happy mansion. The circumstance was so unnatural that I felt a sense of discomfort.

▽ Abel

"I have no obligation to tell you."

(B) Contradict him

▽ You

"If that's so, then why did you tell me?"

"Don't enter only the garden at night"

Everything started with Abel's advice.

▽ You

"If I didn't know, I wouldn't even be interested in it in the first place".

Yes, he dared to give me that information.

▽ Abel

"…… Huh.."

As if delighted, he smiled as his eyes shined suspiciously.

▽ You

"Are you testing me?"

▽ Abel

"As I thought, this is only what I expected. Your attitude in pursuing the truth and unyielding to fear is to be praised."

Abel pushed my chin up with his finger.

I immediately pushed away his hand.

▽ Abel

"II ! I like you more and more ( ___ ) . "

(C) Obediently comply

▽ You

"I understand……"

I sensed it was meaningless to resist anymore.

▽ Abel

"I wish you had taken my advice from the beginning."

Abel muttered the words under his breath as he moved towards the door.

▽ Abel

"But it's all in the past now".

The door closed mercilessly, locking with a loud noise.

I wondered how much time would pass here.

The windows were tightly fitted with iron bars and unescapable.

The door never opened, as if my existence had been forgotten.

BAD END

CONTINUE:

▽ Abel

"It's all for you."

He muttered the words as he left, and then the door was mercilessly closed.

I ran up to the door, put my hand on the doorknob and moved it as hard as I could.

▽ You

"It's no good.. It's locked and it won't budge."

I tried various ways to get out of the room, but none of them worked.

The windows were tightly fitted with iron bars and I couldn't escape..

The only thing that seemed to move was time.

…………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Suddenly the room was unlocked.

▽ Eric

"Are you all right?"

▽ You

"Eric ...!"

▽ Eric

"I didn't see you around so I went looking, but it seems you were here."

I was relieved seeing his gentle smile. Without thinking, I rushed to him.

▽ Eric

"I guess you're being punished by Nii san?"

▽ You

"You know that?...! "

Without having to explain what had been so far, he seemed to know everything.

▽ Eric

"This is the room for that. A place where those who break the rules are trapped. Though I have never been myself though."

He shrugged with a bitter smile.

▽ Eric

"Regardless of how you look, you're pretty bold if you upset my brother."

▽ You

"In the end, I was curious about the garden at night ..."

I honestly confessed my feelings.

▽ Eric

."..... It wasn't enough huh...."

▽ You

"Eh……?"

His muttered voice was so quiet that I couldn't hear it well.

▽ Eric

"No. Nothing. I was just thinking how I should have paid more attention to you."

▽ You

"You didn't do anything bad. My thinking wasn't sound after all..".

Even though I said that, my questions lingered.

Why couldn't I enter the garden and what were they hiding ... My anxiety only increased.

▽ Eric

"Did you still want to see the "Night Garden"? "

(A) I want to see

(B) I do not want to see

(C) I'm not sure

(A) I want to see

▽ You

"I want to see it. I want to see it with my own eyes. "

I answered with clear intention. I couldn't lie to my heart.

▽ Eric

"I thought you would say so. You have strength that I don't, and I find that attractive".

▽ You

"Eh……? What do you mean by that..".

I couldn't hide my confusion from his straightforward words.

▽ Eric

"It means just that. It's rather dazzling. Pure and fearless. That kind of freedom is like a flower blooming in the field."

(B) I do not want to see

▽ You

"I don't want to see it. It's been a lot."

There was no need to anxiously make a decision.

▽ Eric

"I ... understand. You definitely must be tired from all the stuff that's been going on".

I nodded at his words, even though something about the phrasing made it seem like it held hidden connotations.

▽ You

"I want to get back to my room soon to sleep."

▽ Eric

" If that's the case, you should drink this. It's a medicine that makes you feel tired. I created it from the plants I've been nurturing."

Eric had a purple vial in his hand.

▽ You

"Thank you".

Upon receiving the bottle, I opened the lid and put the medicine in my mouth. A thick, sweet liquid spread across my tongue.

I was enraptured by a flower-like scent and an indescribable sense of happiness.

I closed my eyes as if I were dreaming.

I didn't want to wake up anymore.

I found that my heartbeat gradually slowed down and my consciousness went away.

BAD END

(C) I'm not sure

▽ You

"I don't know. I want to see it, but I'm a little scared to know the truth."

I was hesitant to step further.

▽ Eric

"Are you worried about my brother? About if you'll be scolded again?"

I nodded honestly.

▽ You

"But I don't know if it's right to keep lying about my feelings."

I was wondering if at this rate, I could still live here while raising all this distrust.

▽ Eric

"Haha. You answered for yourself just now, right? It's okay. I'll support you."

CONTINUE:

▽ Eric

"Come……."

Eric took my hand and we left the room.

▽ You

"Eric! ??"

He held my hand strongly as we walked down the corridor leading to the garden.

▽ Eric

"One cannot overcome curiosity. Once you're obsessed, you can't escape."

Guided by Eric, we headed to the garden at night.

---------------------------------------

Go to Black Garden English Translation Directory here for more routes.

[pikemoreno]

ooh if this is till open!! i am pretty short with an attitude that makes me over 6' tall. i'm super sassy + playful + love flirting + teasing. i'm also fearless to the point where my friends follow to make sure i don't accidentally offing myself. super protective of my people. i love dancing + singing whenever + wherever. i speak 3 languages + study int'l affairs. i love finding new ways to break the rules. i've turned it into an art form. i love cats + survive off caffeine. for javi please??

i got so mutherlovin’ carried away with this, babe

---

Anyone that looked at you and Javi had one of two thoughts. 

Option A: For acquaintances, especially around the workplace, the thoughts were something along the lines of “How could those two possibly have ended up together?” There was Javi. The resident grump. Hard-ass, non-committal, snark-filled Javier Peña. And who was on his arm but you: the constantly singing, joy-filled, playful, people-loving, you. By all accounts, it didn’t make any sense to them. Especially for those with a particular distaste towards Javi, the match was like watching the sun willingly give in to a grey cloud only destined to smother her. 

Their comments were not subtle. Javi wouldn’t show it but, lord, could it get to him. He didn’t quite know how you “settled” on him either somedays. He was all of those things they said and you were all of those things too and how long was it before you realized you were about to be dimmed and ran for the hills. You could read it on his face the minute it crossed his mind and you knew coddling wasn’t what he needed-- coddling was never what he needed. What sufficed, then, was a hand squeeze and a “Yeah, you’re a grumpy old man, but you’re my grumpy old man.” 

There’s a million little ways to say “I love you and I’m not going anywhere” and that was yours in those moments. 

Option B: Closer friends of the two of you had a different perspective. It was something more like “Oh dear god, there’s two of them.” The constant flirting back and forth absolutely disgusted anyone who heard it-- in the best way, of course. The sass? Unmatched. No one dared cross you unless they wanted to get an ear full on both sides. Both of you were constant trouble, seeking out new, increasingly creative ways to fudge the rules a little. It was a wonder to them that you’d survived this long. All of that was true, of course. You matched each other so many ways and the way you bounced off each other so effortlessly was honestly terrifying. 

Even these closer companions missed so much. There were so many hidden moments of peace and softness, like that one time you brought a stray cat home. Javi was not having it. But while he was absolutely not a fan of cats, this cat was a huge fan of Javi. She would not leave him alone, rubbing against his leg and purring with every step he took. He warmed up eventually, of course. You found him with the cat asleep on his lap, and he wasn’t looking particularly unhappy about the arrangement.

“You can never tell anyone that I’ve gone soft for this damn cat,” he warned you, but the “stern” look accompanying it was not particularly convincing. 

In the end anyone could think what they wanted. You two were all of it and so much more.

[v1rg1nvodkasprite]

Profoundly Immoral and Wicked → Peter Parker (Part I)

Summary

After loosing hope and everyone he cared for, Peter turns to devilish actions while risking his own life and the life of the one person who hasn't lost hope for him.

Warnings: language, mention of death, angst, dark!spiderman, endgame spoilers

Notes: hey guys this is a new series that i'm starting. i really like this concept and it's not written enough honestly. lmk if u want to be added to my taglist here. i hope you enjoy!! x

I paced back and forth in the Avengers Compund, nervously waiting for any news to come through my police radio. It was around the usual time that Peter would cause trouble and now all I had to do was wait. "Maybe he's taking a break tonight," Clint said, taking a bite from the apple in his hand.

I shook my head. "He never does," I said, my gaze never leaving the radio. Clint sighed before taking another bite, shaking his head.

"Attention 486 units, we've got a 10-31 in progress at 97-41 Queens Blvd, Rego Park, NY 11374. Any unit in 10 or less," a voice came from the radio. I was quick to respond, unzipping my sweatshirt to reveal the white, skin-tight suit underneath.

"Need any help?" Clint asked, getting up from the chair and I shook my head. "No, I've got this," I said before junping out the window, my wings expanding to glide through the air.

I made my way towards the bank a quickly as possible not wanting the police to arrive before me. If the police got to Peter before I did, he would most definitely go to prison and I couldn't let that happen. He'd be put in the same place as the villians he defeated. He'd be killed instantly.

I perched on top the roof, observing Peter as he stuffed wads of cash into a bag from a broken ATM. After stuffing the cash into the bag, he shot a web to the next building, swinging himself up to the roof. I few after him, grabbing onto him as he landed onto the roof.

He grunted falling onto the ground as I tackled him. "Get the fuck off of me," he said, elbowing me in the face. I groaned, my hand going to my nose as it throbbed in pain.

"Peter, stop!" I yelled to him, sweeping my wings under his feet, making him fall. "Leave me alone, Y/N," he said, shooting a web at one of my wings pulling me down to the ground.

I got up, trying to fly over Peter but he pulled me back down, kick me in my chest. I fell back, the wind knocked out of me. I groaned getting back up, grabbing a Peter from behind, jumping off of the building and flying in the direction of where the Avengers compound was.

"Let me go!" he yelled, throwing his head back, hitting my face. I dropped him, groaning in pain as he fell in top of another roof. I dived down, landing on the building as I ran after Peter.

"Peter please," I called out to him. "Why are you here?" he stopped, turning around to face me. "Because I want to help you. You don't need to do this," I told him, my face full of concern. "I don't need your help. Last time you tried to help, Mr. Stark died and then May died! You don't get to tell me what's wrong from right when you let them die!" She yelled at me, furiously.

I shook my head, "Peter, you know that wasn't my fault. My dad died to save everyone else. I would've gladly taken his place," I said, a knot forming in my throat at the mention of my late father.

It hadn't even been a year since he died and a few months since May died. I remembered that night lividly. Some how, Harry found out that Peter was Spiderman and decided to kill May to get revenge on Peter for killing his father.

The plan was that Peter would try to distract Harry while I snuck up on him to pick up May and fly her away from the fight but the plan fell through.

Harry turned back to face me as soon as jumped out of the shadows and threw May away from him. I dived down trying to reach May before she hit the ground but was far behind her. Peter shot a web down to try to catch her, only for her to hit the ground as the web attached to her.

"But you killed May, you didn't even try to get her. You just let her fall!" he screamed, his throat becoming raw. "Don't you dare say that I didn't try! I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough. I cared about her so don't say that I didn't care or just let her die. I tried, Peter and I'm sorry," I yelled at him, starting to choke.

"She's dead and it's your fault!" he scream at me, shooting a web straight for my chest. An uncomfortable feeling shot through, all of my body cramping up, the web shocking me. Peter had used one of the many combinations my dad put into his suit, tasing me with his web.

I fell to the group screaming out as the jolts of electricity run through me. He stopped after a minute, looking at me for a few seconds as I laid on the ground, not being able to move. I couldn't tell what he was thinking as he watched me but it wasn't long before he short another web off, swinging away.

I waited a few minutes, finally pushing myself up as the rest of my body still felt tight. Of course, I had fought with Peter before and left with a few bruises and scratches but we never crossed the line like that.

I made my way back to the compound, deciding on walking instead of flying. I didn't trust myself to keep myself up as my wings felt like they were on fire.

As made my way up to lab in the compound, I suddenly collapsed. My heart beat was the only thing I heard as a surreal pain in my chest grew. I screamed out in pain as Scott ran to my side.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Let me- fuck! I'm going to get someone," he said, running away. Seconds later, he came back with Bruce, the pain increasing. Bruce picked me and I felt like small in his arms as he carried me to medical lab, setting me down on the bed.

"She's having a heart attack, give her some aspirin while I set up the ACE inhibitors. Try to keep her calm, okay?" he said, before walking away. "You're going to be okay. Everything's going to be fine, alright?" Scott said, trying to reassure me but it sounded like he was trying convince himself.

I soon passed out, the pain overcoming me. Later, I woke up, my chest still a bit sore but the overall pain had stopped. "How are you feeling?" Bruce asked, sitting down next to the bed. "I'm okay," I said, sitting up. "Woah, woah. Lay back down," he said, pushing me back down gently but with his strength, it wasn't as gentle.

"I'm fine, Bruce," I huffed but he shook his head. "You're not. It seems like you have an atrial septal defect. You basically have a hole in your heart between the two lower chambers," he explained. My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, "What does that mean? Am I going to be able to go on missions and stuff?"

Bruce sighed, nodding, "Technically, yes but I would t recommend it. The amount of adrenaline that fighting involves could damage your heart over time," he said and I nodded. "You should also take a break from chasing after Peter," he said and I shook my head.

"I can't, you know that. He didn't give up on me when Dad died so I'm not going to give up on him. You remember when I almost drank myself to death everyday. He was the one that made me go to rehab," I said and Bruce sighed. "Yes, I remember. Just take it easy, okay? If he takes it any harder on you, there's a chance it'll get worse. We're looking at you dying, Y/N," he said and I sighed and nodded.

It was still hard to wrap my head around the fact that Peter would ever use that on me. Even during the Civil War, he wouldn't punch me or use any of his webs on me even though I was fighting on Cap's side. I guess he had changed completely. It was going to be really hard to help get back to who he used to be.

taglist

@satanspaghetti , @rencontre-moi-dans-le-couloir , @thewinchesterchronicles , @b-i-g-i-r-l-b-i , @rexorangecouny , @harrysstyleseyes , @weakling-grace , @computersaysnot , @lilibellecms , @jonesyaddiction , @toogoateechild , @boomtownboy , @benders-diamond-earring , @rogertaylors-falsetto

[prettywordsyouleft]

I know you're on hiatus right now Chelle but can you please tell us of some of your wips? I'm missing your writing a lot and thankful for the stories I can reread but I would love if you could hype us up! Only if you can of course. I will wait forever for your new content! Do you have any series planned like your Shownu one? I loved that! You and @noona-clock are my favourite writers btw!!!!!!

Hey anon! Thanks for the message! I’m grateful you will wait for my new content - at least someone is willing to wait, I myself would LOVE to be sharing right now! Haha. I miss writing a great deal.

Also, I’m sure @noona-clock won’t mind me answering on her behalf to say that we truly appreciate your support! It’s an honour to be one of your favourite writers. B is also one of my absolute favourites too, so being linked with her at any stage is very humbling!

As for the WIPs… I put them under a cut for those who a) don’t want to scroll through a long post or b) don’t want to see snippets of stories! Of course nothing is in it’s final edited stage so any errors, please ignore! EDIT: cut line is only working on desktop, sorry to all mobile app users. 

Currently in work: 

GOT7 anniversary oneshot. Most of you already know that Jinyoung won (like that was going to be a surprise, ya’ll always want more JY content lol) from my IG stories. I won’t give away the rest but here’s a snippet:

You watched Jinyoung until your cheeks were burning with embarrassment, wondering why you had even listened to Jaebum in the first place. Jinyoung hadn’t reacted how you expected him to and you felt increasingly uncomfortable.

And just when you thought he was going to ignore you entirely, his head snapped up, a smile that you had never seen cross his face before now greeting you. You didn’t have enough time to examine it as his next words distracted you. “I didn’t know we were that close to share personal details like that, Y/N.” 

“Oh, well uh-”

Jinyoung scraped back his chair, still smiling yet the force of shutting his laptop conflicted the cheerful gesture he exhibited on his lips. “I’m done studying today, you can have the rest of the time to yourself.”

You watched him leave and it hit you then, the fakeness of his response. His eyes had said otherwise. 

He very much so cared. 

Jinyoung was bitter from your announcement. And instead of giving you immediate relief, his reaction only troubled you further.

Why did you feel like you had broken him? 

Jaebum Birthday oneshot. This is for a dear friend of mine who wrote something for my birthday. Now it’s my turn to return the favour. It’s also a story I’ve been dying to write for some time.

“Jaebum,” you warned as he stared at you, his eyes falling captive to soaking you in.

Just as he had done as a child, his own habit of getting lost staring at you hadn’t changed once. He could do this all day long. In fact, his grades last year had suffered from his inability to stop staring at you.

You let out a huff of air. “Jaebum, you’re doing it again.”

“Does it bother you?” he murmured and you blinked a couple of times, chewing on your lip in thought. He leaned in closer and for a moment, he actually thought your bodies might brush up against each other with the close proximity he now held. It made him anxious, as if every cell within his body was on high alert. Jaebum never knew why he was so fascinated with the idea of being the first person you reached out for, but it was a goal all the same. He yearned to hold your hand and let you know it was safe to do so.

Kyungsoo royal au oneshot: I have so little written on this that there is no point sharing yet! But it was meant to be written in June and obviously has been put on hold.

Chosen Idol Anniversary oneshot: I have the idea ready to go for this, just going to finish the GOT7 one first.

Through His Eyes Part 13: again, idea is mapped out. Just gotta get to it.

Ready to go: 

Taeyong Drabble Request - “Sophie’s Moving This Castle”

You did not want to smile at this.

You refused to admit that your boyfriend was the cutest drunk ever right now.

Taeyong threw his head back as a heavy breath tumbled from his lips. “He’s not here.”

“I noticed,” you commented, picking up a can of beer and shaking your head softly at it not being empty yet. “I’m wondering why he’s not here and you’re drinking all alone.”

“I’m not alone!” he cried incredulously, nudging Totoro beside him. “How could you say that in front of my guests?!”

First story in my Christmas in July collab with Sem (this-song-thats-only-for-you) - Minhyuk CNBLUE, currently untitled

“You’ll be there, right?”

Glancing up to meet Minhyuk’s expectant gaze, you smiled weakly. “Christmas in the Park? Listen, Minhyuk, I-”

“You’re not going to ditch me again, are you?” he intervened, shooting you a pout. Oh god, not the pout. He then grinned and your heart began to thump noisily in your chest.

You were doomed.

Upcoming series planned:

Domestic Life: twelve idols/oneshots with the focus on various domestic ideas. Aka all the fluff my heart needs lol

Mark series: single mother au / neighbours to lovers. Will be focusing on the fact that being a single mother in Korea is taboo and how Y/N and Mark deal with that. 

Mino series: I don’t want to give too many ideas away but I’m really excited for this one. Just imagine a lot of travelling, family issues and a good surprise in the end after some angst LOL.

Honestly there are SO MANY MORE ideas just waiting for me to share with you all but I’ll keep them under wraps for now. This seems more than enough to hype you up hopefully! Xxx

[justinsdaysinthedark]

Post # 6 - It is what it is

I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent the past half an hour with tears flowing from my eyes staring at a blank screen wondering how I'm going to get everything I've got floating in my head out. I suppose listening to Coldplay live in Argentina probably wasn't the best choice of music to set the mood. I'll work on that one in the future...

Where do I start? It's been a question I'm often asking myself at the start of these blog posts and it's certainly not the easiest one. What do you guys know? There's been so much happen since my last post on Thursday night.

Friday July 26th: I saw my doctors around lunchtime who came in quite concerned. Whilst they were confident my lymphoma was one called DLBCL (Diffuse Large B- Cell Lymphoma), some tests had come back with suspect results that it could be a more aggressive and harsh type of lymphoma called Burkitt's lymphoma and if confirmed, chemo was starting that night with no time to waste. There was also one marked in the middle (a cross of the two) called Burkitt's Like Lymphoma which is treated similarly to DLBCL. Whatever it was, I couldn't change it. I just wanted answers and if treatment needed to start, let's get it underway!

Adam, my incredible haematology doctor sent off another test of my gall bladder to finally get the confirmation I was after. It was urgent. He had to know. It was reassuring of Adam to state "Justin, we need to know what this is. Preliminary results are due back later this afternoon and that will hopefully rule out Burkitt's. if it is Burkitt's, we'll start chemo tonight and I'll be with you every step of the way - even if I have to stay back a few hours."

I know doctors earn a fair coin on a lazy day, but how many give you that much confidence that you and your health is important to them? I'm going to have it a guess and say not many but alas, I am so incredibly lucky with the team of doctors I have.

4:00pm and Adam strolls in the door heading straight for my room. My heart drops, similarly to what it had when Michael dropped the news I had lymphoma. "Good news. Preliminary results are back and we're confident it's not Burkitt's. You can't rule out anything in life, so there still is a small chance it could be. We're happy to wait for the final results on Monday, figure out a treatment plan from there and start Chemotherapy next week. Spend Saturday and Sunday on day leave and I'll see you next week."

This was news to my ears. In a time of what has been negative or no news, I could spend the weekend with family relatively freely and forget everything was happening for a few hours each day. My Uncle Bob and Aunty Denise were down from Tasmania to see me, as was my Aunty AJ and cousins from Bairnsdale so it all felt like it fit into place.

Friday night saw me considerably more relaxed with this news...that was until Collingwood started and it was the demolition it was. Slightly humorous side note, the nurse came in around 9pm for my nightly observations. Naturally, my heart rate was up a bit more than normal watching the football (118BPM - normally between 70-85BPM). This caused the nurse to call in the team of doctors who wanted to put me on an ECG machine for the night and monitor my heart. I assured them it was because Collingwood were on and if they gave me an hour, I'd be okay. It took some convincing, but it finally worked. Back they came an hour later and it had gone down - crisis averted.

Saturday afternoon and evening was wonderful. I went down to dads for dinner and was fortunate enough to spend some much needed time with family over a beautiful dinner and good laugh.

Sunday was much the same. I went home, mum did a fair chunk of washing for me as I spent it being me. Seeing Courtney, napping in my own bed and even headed over to Fountain Gate and got some much needed new clothes and other miscellaneous items - something that seems so simple but is such a luxury when you've spent the past 15 days in hospital.

Monday July 29th: They say the more you think positively, the more positive news you shall receive....or it goes something like that right? I woke up this morning the most upbeat and best I'd felt in weeks. I felt fine. I felt no pain, almost like I'd woken up from a shitty hotel! In all honesty, I felt like I'm abusing the system however I keep being quickly reminded how much I need to be here. Did I wake up so positive because I lived my old life for 16 hours over the weekend? Is it because I was hoping to hear a reasonably positive outcome with this lymphoma test? Probably a mix of both if I'm honest. But whatever it was, I was hopeful.

Adam came around at roughly 10:00am. Didn't really have much for me in terms of news but more of an outline of the day. If they hear the results of the test they were waiting on, they'd write me up a treatment plan ASAP and get chemo started this afternoon. At worst, I'd be starting it tomorrow (Tuesday). They just needed that definitive answer of what type of lymphoma I have - an answer I'd love more than anybody.

Either way, we agreed i'd need a PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) line in which basically is a long-term cannula. It runs from the inside of my arm right up and around and stops basically just outside my heart. This is for easy access for the chemotherapy and even an easy exit for blood tests - something that's proven incredibly difficult to take from me over the past few days. Additionally, these lines can last up to six months verses the three days you get from a cannula. There were too many positives to say no to!

This wasn't scheduled for any time in particular, so 1:00pm came around and I was about to be taken to get the PICC line in.

Just as I was about to leave, Adam came in with a few words I'm all too familiar with. "Well, the pathology tests we were waiting on have come back inconclusive..."

Woah. Wait. What? How do tests of my gall bladder that was removed six days ago come back inconclusive? How does one of the main sources not have enough 'data' to tell them what sort of lymphoma I have? I was just stunned.

Adam continued "As a result, we can see some signs of Burkitt's lymphoma and that's what we're going to treat you for. You're young. You should be able to handle it and it's better to over treat you than under treat and be stuck where we are at the moment. It's an intense 16-day chemo treatment that will totally wipe out your red and white blood cells as well as your platelets. We foresee you being in here for another 3-5 weeks, depending on how well your body goes getting these levels back up to normal post this first treatment..."

I honestly say this but that's all I remember from this conversation. I was hoping I'd be heading home this week but looks like that definitely won't be happening. Today marks day 40 of the past 55 days in hospital (day 15 of this stint) and if I go off the longest suggested time expected, I have another 35 days to go. That honestly crushed me.

I got taken down to get my PICC line in - quite an easy process. Very similar to putting in a larger cannula, just a whole lot longer and uses local anaesthetic as well as being guided by an ultrasound and X-ray. I'm lucky enough to have two ports, which will hopefully speed up some of my medication and how much they can pump in. Does it feel weird? The only weird part was feeling it slide down past and near my heart - but that's okay now!

By the time I return, dad made his was in to try and help process the news. We get Adam in to once again explain the process. In layman's terms, I'll be starting an intense and high-dose 16-day chemotherapy program kicking off tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. Most of the time across the next 16 days, I'll be hooked up via IV drip getting whatever medication is required. I think I saw I have rest days on days 7 & 8 which I suppose will give me two days to look forward to. At the end of the day, it's something I'm not certain on and will be a day by day process and constant learning about what's going into my body to help fight with me.

I do have one request for you all. With my body not producing red or white blood cells or platelets over the next few weeks, I do request if you are planning to visit however are sick to stay away those extra few days. With my immune system going to be at the lowest it's been, I don't particularly want to pick up something I don't need. Additionally, as much as I'd love flowers, they're also banned due to the infection risk of the spores mixing with the chemotherapy and causing some dangerous damage from the inside.

At the end of the day, if you're not sure please message me and check as I'm not entirely sure myself about everything. I'm constantly learning as I'm going.

How am I feeling? I'm nervous. I'm nervous at the unknown. How will this affect me? How bad am I going to feel? Will I lose my hair? What will my energy levels be like? In advance, I do apologise if over the next few weeks I'm not myself. Truth be told, that's because I probably won't be.

In a way, i'm finally excited to start my treatment first thing tomorrow morning (after yet ANOTHER lumbar puncture). I was so envious of both people next to me getting their first rounds of chemo today. I know mine will be intense but I just can't wait.

I've learnt so much about cancer and chemotherapy over the past four days and I know there's so much more to learn. Today I learnt I'll be incredibly highly cytotoxic, which basically means all needles and anything used on me need to go in a separate bin just for me. Additionally, I'll have to get used to the good old double flush after the toilet to ensure all waste is disposed of. Mouth ulcers are a big issue with most chemo patients as well. I'll have to start brushing my teeth after every meal and taking a special mouthwash 3x daily to assist with keeping these under control. There's plenty of other little things, but they're two I least expected.

Everything really hit me last night....not like it did tonight though. I just had twenty minutes to reflect and it just became a sudden realisation. What I'm going through is real. It's not a 'joke' anymore. It's not something they're looking at as a potential cause. It is the cause. I have a legitimate medical issue and it's finally time to fight lymphoma. All well and good to be talking the talk like I have been - it's now time to walk the walk. This sits well with me. If I give somebody my word, I do whatever I can to get it achieved. Unfortunately for the lymphoma throughout my body I've given it my word and it's time to fight it. Round one begins tomorrow morning.

I leave tonight feeling a whole lot better than I did when I started tonight's post. I didn't learn from my words earlier as Coldplay live from Argentina is still playing however I'm in a much more comfortable mind space.

My best friend of a lazy 20 years, Dylan visited tonight with his partner, Jacqui. One phrase popped up more than most and they made me aware it was a common phrase coming out of my mouth.

"It is what it is."

I can't control what's happened to me as "it is what it is." What I can control from here though is how I fight lymphoma. Thanks for the visit tonight guys, I appreciated the two hours spent here in what's been an incredibly tough afternoon.

Much love.

Juzz xx

[callmekittyc]

Chiang Mai Life

Have you ever seen the commercial or ad or whatever that says "Tiny keyboard, Big headache"? Well let me just say that's how i feel about typing these blog posts from my phone. We all know I'm more of a novelist... so that is why I have been slacking. Also I'm on vacation, and this somehow feels a bit like work. So this is for all 14 of my loyal followers, you're welcome. Let me give you an update on things:

1. Holy temples! Chiang Rai is the bees knees!! If you want to see some of the most bizarre, yet detailed oriented, and slightly questionable artwork I highly recommend the White Temple and the Baandam Museum (aka the Black House). Let me break them down for you and ed-u-ma-cate you.

         A. The White Temple: My thoughts, "Do I really want to go to another temple? There's going to be so many tourists... ugh. Guess I'll go." Please excuse my American Millennial slang when I say OMFG! THAT SHIT WAS DOPE AF! Seriously. The amount of time and detail that's put into this is crazy. So this temple got started in 1997 by some master artist that has an odd obsession with all things pop culture and politically questionable. It is a 90 year work in progress! As in, most people reading this will be dead when it's completed. (Sorry for the bluntness) But yea you can see for yourself what I mean by artistically gifted. I only wish they would have allowed me to take pictures of the murals that line the insides of this "sacred place".  Inside you'll not only find a wax figure of Buddha, but hidden gems like Pikachu, Hello Kitty, and even, the attractive Keanu Reeves. If you go to any temple at all, it should be this one because the artwork speaks for itself. I'm slightly disappointed I only paid 2 cents to get in.

         B. The Baandam Museum is truly one of the most extensive collection of animal bones I've ever seen. "Baan" means house, while "dam" translates to black so it literally translates to Black House. This was by far my favorite "museum" I've ever been to. It probably would seem creepy to most, but the artist lines the walls of 43 structures with animal bones, skulls, skins, and the most detailed woodworking I've ever seen. Bones are assembled in an almost ritualistic way. It's beautiful.

2. While the title of this post is "Chiang Mai Life", Chiang Rai is where I had my self- actualization moment. I had some seriously deep thoughts in the mountains of Chiang Rai that really has changed my perspective on quite a few things. I also experienced the most beautiful thing in my life. I'm not kidding. I was speechless for the first time. I think everyone has at least one of those moments in their life where the world quite literally stops for you. All is quiet. And you can't think of anything more beautiful. Maybe it's holding a child you just gave birth to, maybe it's experiencing love for the first time, maybe it's jumping out of a plane.... everyone has a moment and I had one. Watching the sunset at one of the highest peaks while the full moon reflected in the background was breathless. It was my moment. My world stopped.

3. I met this stranger in a coffee shop. An older gentleman i had never seen and will most likely never see again. We had some of the most meaningful conversation and it made me realize several things. Travelers are a whole different people. I'm one of those people. We don't just travel, but we experience. We do things to learn more about the world. We make ourselves uncomfortable and do things others wouldn't normally do. We are wise and infinitely young. We live by doing, not by example. Although travelers are all so different and we each have our own story, we have a commonality in that we are always searching for new knowledge and new experiences. We revel in learning and doing. We love being.

Sorry for the deep thoughts here, but the post is called "Chiang Mai Life"...

4. Going back to Chiang Mai, I decided it's time to start doing. Even if it meant the touristy things, but YOLO and who knows if I'll ever come back to this magical place... so I booked a cooking class, a trekking tour, and a ziplining excursion. I'll break them down for you..

         A. Cooking Class: This was awesome. It was Christmas day for me and I was kind of feeling sad and lonely. Well turns out, I ended up being the only person in that cooking class. I liked it though. The owner was very cool and took me to the local market and explained ingredients to me and showed me how to shop for the best items. We all know I come from a cooking household, but let me just say Thai cooking and ingredients are a brand new experience. Asia has so many fruits, vegetables, and spices I've never even heard of. After the market, I talked to a local about cooking methods, and after using a mortar and pestle for about 30 minutes, I have a new appreciation for pre-made chili paste. I almost boiled my arms because they were noodles at that point. I made 6 items: Cashew Chicken Stir-fry (Gai Pad Med Mamuang), Northern style chicken curry (Khao Soi), Coconut Milk and Chicken Soup (Tom Kah Gai), Spring Rolls, Mango Sticky Rice, and Red Chili paste.

        B. Trekking Tour: Made for beginners or out-of shape people like me, this little tour was perfect. We started at this phenomenal waterfall in the famous Doi Inthanon National Park. Then we trekked about 3km through the jungle to a hill tribe village, belonging to the Karen people. We passed fields of strawberries, rice, chrysanthemums, and coffee plants. We crossed bridges made of bamboo and even caught a glimpse of an electric green python native to Southeast Asia. After we got to the village, we were able to watch how the coffee was roasted, hand ground and brewed. From there, we went to two pagodas honoring the queen and late King. Our tour concluded with a visit to a hill tribe market overflowing with fresh produce and local honey.

        C. Zipling: Please see my Google rating for "Jungle Flight Chiang Mai" for a more detailed description. Ha. Kidding. Although the review is way more kickass than this. Ziplining was awesome yet slightly terrifying. I'm pretty sure I've once before mentioned the safety protocols in Thailand... they're non existant. I'm pretty sure OSHA would have something to say. (Harley maybe you shouldn't visit) But damn I'm glad it was questionable because flying through the mountains was exhilarating. Getting slung around on a zipline roller coaster left me squealing with delight! To the losers that said, "I like more extreme sports." You're missing out!

Sorry if this post was too short but honestly, the experiences have just been so much fun! I don't have any complaints or overly funny stories because I'm living in the moment... Although my instructor for the ziplining course said I need to use my ass more. He's quite right though. Looking at my inflated pancake ass has me longing for a stairmaster and a salad. Damn Northern Thailand and their delicious food... Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and will have a Happy New Year! I promise I've thought about every single one of you.

[sanjuno]

I'm interested in that idea you mentioned where the Vongola brothers thaw Xanxus, pack up their followers, and go to Japan. (Tsuna getting four older brothers would be awesome.)

*slams back onto the blog* MY INTERNET IS BACK AND SANJUNO IS ONLINE AGAIN, BITCHES!

I call this one FIRE SHALL WAKEN and I straight up admit that I did not expect this much of a plot for something that was essentially an offhand comment I made because I thought it was funny but oh well.

Let’s begin!

So sixteen year old Xanxus discovers that he’s “adopted” before Enrico gets fatally shot in the back but instead of going to talk to his brothers he still goes through with the Cradle Affair tantrum.

>Enrico, Mas, and Fede are confined to the Iron Fort by Coyote because of paranoia about the Varia being more loyal to Xanxus than the Vongola overall.

>Squalo is bereaved because his Sky is frozen solid and proceeds to lose it on Enrico when confronted about why Xanxus went bonkers and now Enrico knows everything.

Enrico, of course, proceeds to tell Mas and Fede why Xanxus tried to kill Nono dead.

>Fede points out how interesting it is that Xanxus waited until all of his brothers were outside the Iron Fort before attacking.

>Enrico points out that Xan had been noticeably avoiding Nono but hadn’t cut his brothers out of his life.

>Mas digs up the security footage and notices that Xanxus said many nasty things about Nono but didn’t so much as mention his brothers during his ranting. (My how interesting…)

Enrico proceeds to move into the Iron Fort to “help Papa out” which translated into actual intent means “scope out the security system with an eye for breaking it and locate Xan’s iceberg.”

>Mas moves into the Varia mansion to “keep an eye on things”

>Fede invades the CEDEF on the regular to find out what they know and also to sow confusion because fuck you Nono is why

Consequences are suffered by those who took action without thinking! 

>Enrico also gets an up-close view of Nono’s bullshit in action, which he never saw in canon because it was never pointed out so blatantly until Nono (i) lied about matters of succession and (ii) froze Enrico’s littlest brother in ice.

>Mas gets to conspire with the Varia and has tons of fun pretending to be thick while plotting the demise of his enemies.

>Fede undermines Iemitsu in the CEDEF without actually joining that branch because Mas is the one who wanted to play spy games for a living and Fede is much better suited to being the Family troubleshooter. Also Mas and Fede poach several CEDEF agents because Sky Attraction and Iemitsu Doesn’t Deserve Nice Things bwahahaha~

Shortly after Nono’s sons finish “establishing order” after the Cradle Affair Nono and Iemitsu go on a trip to Japan (we all know what happens here) except this time:

>(i) Fede is keeping a close enough eye on the CEDEF to discover what the purpose behind the trip was and (ii) the Bros di Vongola are making plans to rescue their baby brother and leave the Vongola hanging without any Heirs at all because Nono certainly doesn’t care about the succession so why should they?

Instead of possessing people to arrange the deaths of the 10th Gen Vongola Heirs, Daemon Spade’s ghost is very much in favour of the boys rejecting their father because anarchy and Fuck Them All Very Much

>Daemon doesn’t approve of Nono, so the more the bros work against Nono the more Daemon likes them. The irony of them all packing up and moving to Japan to force Nono to clean up his own fucking mess is too brilliant to sabotage. He needs to know how this ends.

It takes two years for everything to be in place for the 10th Gen migration. Many changes from canon occur during this time.

(i) Enrico finally tracks down Xan’s Mama and Harmonizes her as his Mist.

>Goes to the Falco Heir’s piano recital and bonds Bianche as his Storm. Is horrified by Hayato’s treatment and frequent poisonings, draws emotionally driven parallels between Hayato’s treatment and Xanuxs’, and intercepts Hayato’s first attempt to run away to take Hayato in as his ward.

>Manages to Harmonize with Lal as his Rain over the course of several meetings with Fede for information exchanges.

>Visits the Bovino and finds Ottavia to be his Lightning, and she brings newborn Lambo with her because her sister died.

>Snags M.M. to be his Sun out of Paris’ Underworld Theatre District before she crosses the line and is arrested by the Vindice. (He’s there on business but yay new Element!)

>Enrico is somewhat disturbed by how much younger than him his Storm and Sun are and hopes that his Cloud will be closer to his own age or older.

(ii) Mas met Sparta (the OC I have as his Cloud) in his last year of the Mafia Academy. She gets along well with the Varia.

>Mas is being very careful and low-key about Courting Oregano and Tumeric into his Harmony because Iemitsu is a giant bag of dicks and also a toxic influence.

>Moretti the Murdered is Mas’ Mist and it’s hilarious because the Varia are So Offended.

Fede’s Lightning is Romeo Bovino who is ultimately distracted by finding HIS SKY!!!! and entirely forgets to flirt with Bianchi and thus survives yay

>Runs into Lancia while out shopping with Hayato and his Intuition says “Look it’s your Storm” and also Hayato is a vicious little savage who charms Mukuro and Co. and can sympathize with their experiences re. being tortured by your family. Frequent interaction with the Varia gives Mukuro and Co.s vengeance drive a constructive outlet so they don’t murderspree their way into Vindicare and also the plan to abscond will leave the Vongola Alliance in shambles and Mukuro wants to see that. So. Let’s be friends!

>Fede picks up Basil as his Rain while stalking the CEDEF because Iemitsu doesn’t deserve to have such a cute little minion and also the family resemblance is pretty obvious even if the kid isn’t a Sky.

>Accidentally Harmonizes Shamal as his Mist while tracking down Hayato and Bianchi’s medical records and lambasts Shamal for not treating Hayato’s poison damage just because he’s a boy (you irresponsible asshole) Shamal spends a significant amount of time repenting for that bullshit because Fede’s Not Having It.

Despite all the Harmonizing happening Nono continues to believe that the men he assigned to his sons are their actual Guardians.

>The bros let Nono think this because it a good distraction tactic and it gives them a guaranteed way to feed Nono misinformation about what they’re up to.

Two years is a long enough time for people to start noticing the shenanigans but the bros are good at being sneaky and also they all have Mists so good fucking luck getting a clear picture of what they’re getting up to. Then Nono goes to an Alliance Boss meting at Mafia Land and takes Iemitsu with him which means now’s our chance.

>As soon as Nono’s plane takes off the 10th gen defrosts Xan, rolls him into a blanket burrito, shoves him at his very confused Guardians, and packs the entirety of the Varia plus the Vongola 10th Gen’s personal following into a series of transport containers and take off for Japan.

>Enrico shoots Ottavio in the head execution style with one of Daniela’s crossbows before they leave because “fuck you, traitor” is why.

The Alliance is shook.

>Dino is still in training with Reborn (being around 16 or 17) and is high-key jealous that his Vongola counterparts got to fuck off and ditch their inheritance. Romario’s the one who digs up the old Tradition about “escaping” the Mafia by moving to Japan (which also includes a kind of “diplomatic immunity” agreement with the yakuza.) Dino wants to go to Japan too T-T

MEANWHILE IN JAPAN

>Xanxus is really fucking confused right now okay this is not how he was expecting his confrontation with Nono over his heritage to shake out (His bros picked Xanxus over Nono WTF)

>The Varia are honestly just happy to have their Sky back they don’t even care about technically being in hiding.

The Vongola 10th Gen buys a Japanese Mansion in Namimori and happily settle in.

>Of course their first order of business is to go see their baby cousin~ because “fuck you, Iemtisu, answer your wife’s phone calls” is why and also they need to get that Seal off Tsuna and also, also it’ll give Hayato, Mukuro, and co. a local guide in Namimori.

>Of course, the second Enrico peels the Seal off Tsuna’s Flames the kid goes into HDWM and Harmonizes with Hayato and Mukuro on reflex and also Hyper Intuition.

Nana is over the moon because her baby boy has friends now and also she 100% takes over as the 10th Gen’s Head of Housekeeping and before anyone really has time to think about it Nana and Tsuna have moved into the mansion

>Please take a moment to consider the repercussions of having five active Skies living in a single house who all love each other and want their family to be happy. The Harmony effect is soporific, wide spread, pervasive, and Namimori is a happy, peaceful town.

Hayato is once again Tsuna’s Right Hand but this time it’s Mukuro who is the Left Hand and the chaos is beautiful.

>TBH the way a less traumatized Hayato and a more rational Mukuro mesh and work together is surprisingly functional and cooperative. Also I’m pretty sure that the first thing they do is go track down Nagi for kidnapping purposes because of psychic links and Harmony is helpful for strengthening things like that.

>Which means that Chrome doesn’t get squished by a truck! Yay! Yes, they still change her name. It’s so her parents can’t find her neener-neener

Hayato and Mukuro are little assholes and are Not Pleased by the way Tsuna has been and is still being treated at school. They proceed to concoct a multi-layered, three tiered plan to take vengeance in Tsuna’s name. There are several lists, charts, graphs, and at least one Venn Diagram because Mukuro is artistic like that.

>Kyouya is angry at first because his territory but then notices how the herbivores have started to behave themselves and that means more time for uninterrupted naps and that’s beautiful. Tetsuya is torn between elation and terror because on one hand Kyou-san has friends but on the other, far more traumatizing to the citizenry hand they’re all amoral bloodthirsty monsters.

>Anyway Kyouya founds the DC, Mukuro sets up an informant network, and Hayato takes over the student council.

Tsuyoshi isn’t sure what to make of the Sudden Assassin Migration into Namimori but at least the Sword Emperor is too distracted by his Sky being on bedrest to be hunting down retired Swordsmen.

>Tsuyoshi should maybe think about starting Takeshi’s sword training because Tsuna’s gone and made friends with Takeshi now that he’s unSealed (Fuck Everything Tsuyoshi doesn’t deserve this sort of stress)

TBH Ken probably joins the Boxing Club and Ryohei’s so happy to the extreme.

>Kyoko will join the Mist Collective in Managing Everyone’s Lives because she’s nonviolent and also a bit of an emotional manipulator. Hana is the DC Secretary and gets along far too well with Hibari-sempai for anyones comfort.

>I honestly have no real idea what Haru is up to in this AU but she probably takes over Midori and has a very loudly dramatic rivalry with Hayato for brain-crush reasons.

Chikusa is getting roped in as Hayato’s VP and they rule Namimori Elementary with decidedly Iron Fists. With spikes on.

>TBH the fact that Tsuna becomes the Chairman of the Home Ec Club is the Best Thing because Tsuna loves his Mama and he’s only fifth in line to inherit still so he can do whatever he wants and that means fluffy homemaker comfort Sky who cheers on his Guardian’s shenanigans instead of a panicked stressed out punching bag.

>Tsuna’s favourite Vongola Head is the Fourth because FORKS! and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

TBH I have NO IDEA how long it takes Nono to find Ottavio’s body but it’s probably really gross by then because Italy’s a hot country and also between them Enrico and Mas and Fede stole all of the CEDEF’s upper management and Iemtisu is pants at sorting paperwork.

>Then there’s panic and anarchy and very strained Alliance politics until Reborn finishes training Dino and then Reborn is sent to Namimori to train the “last” Vongola heir only to find the entire Vongola 10th Gen

>Be aware that at no point did the Varia stop taking missions which drives the 9th Gen into frothing fits because they still can’t find where they’re hiding.

This time when Tsuna says he doesn’t want to be a Mafia Boss the actual heir is still alive, sitting right beside Tsuna at the table, and is laughing at Reborn.

>Enrico straight up tells Reborn not to waste his time and that when Nono dies/retires he’ll take the Rings but not a moment before then.

>Nono forced their hands when he lied to Xan, left him for dead in the ice, and tried to force his sons to accept ill-suited Guardians without ever admitting he’d fucked up or done something wrong.

>Oh yeah, Xan needed to be revived when Enrico defrosted him it was a damn good thing all three of his bros were there to help with that and GUESS WHAT HE DID TO TSUNAYOSHI?

Dino shows up and well now the Alliance knows where the Vongola 10th Gen are hiding out.

>Drama, politicking, shenanigans, IDEK at this point I mostly just want to see the FSW!AU Tsuna and co. get dragged into a canon!TYL adventure because that shit’s hilarious and is also an entirely new story all on it’s own if I want to handle it right.

>Because there’s no Varia Arc, although if Iemitsu shows up he’s gonna be hella surprised when the “weaker” Skies kick the shit out of him because the Vongola Bros have real bonds now plus their Five Sky Harmony and shit’s insane, friends.

Shit with the Arcobaleno will go down at some point and by now I’ve internalized a preference for Reborn being Aria’s Sun Guardian because “I’m my daughter’s Sun” is a glorious clusterfuck of pun combined with a Dad joke and Reborn would revel in that so much.

>Skull is Fede’s Cloud, which is fabulous and a match made with the intent of making the world a more interesting place and also I may indulge in my secret love for Reborn/Skull in this verse because Aria’s going to marry Fede. XP

>Consiquently, Verde is Mas’ Lightning, Collonello is Enrico’s Second Rain, Mammon is (of course) Xan’s Mist, and Fon’s going to be Tsuna’s Second Storm.

I kinda wanna see Spanner be Byakuran’s Lightning in this verse because reasons but also I think I’m done for the night.

Yay. XP

[revolutionary-pirate]

That's so interesting about John Trumbull, thanks for answering! And just... of /course/ he would brag and conveniently leave off the 19 days part, I don't blame you for making a point to mention it lmao, I would too. Do you mind if I ask what the duties of the aides were? I'm new to this particular branch of history but it's fascinating... I never would have expected that there were so many of them!

I don’t mind at all! I probably should have talked about the duties of the aides-de-camps, like, months ago, but I never got around to it so I’m glad you asked so that I’d finally sit down and do it (even though it took me forever to get to your ask because I’ve been busy and it’s a lot to talk about) xD I’ll break it down into parts because the answer is probably a lot longer than you thought it would be xD [While I mostly work from the Context of Washington, all the other generals also had aides that were similarly tasked in many ways] :

Headquarters

Drafting, copying, editing, translating, and docketing letters.

This is the most well-known duty of the aides-de-camp. I like to call them Washington’s Ghost Writers for this reason. The bulk of their jobs was, in large part, doing letter related things. Over 12,000 letters and orders were “written by” Washington during the course of the Revolution and he wouldn’t have been able to do it without his aides.

Often times Washington would dictate a letter that they would write down, or he would just inform them of what needed to be addressed and the aide would take care of it themselves.

With the involvement of the French in the Revolution, translation became invaluable. Several of Washington’s aides were fluent in French and it fell to them to communicate with their French allies.

Aides fluent in French included Tilghman, Hamilton, Laurens, and B. Walker.

Another facet of this is determining whether or not a letter is worth Washington’s attention.

Washington is a busy man. He doesn’t have time to look through every single letter that crosses his desk but Washington would ultimately go over any letter that required a response and then direct the response.

In one instance, his aides refused to accept a letter from General Howe of the British simply because it did not properly address George Washington as “General.”

They would also edit each other’s letters if necessary.

Communicating with Congress, while technically falling under the previous duty, is important enough to specify on its own.

The aide assigned the duty would occasionally write to Congress, keeping them updated on the goings-on of the army, actions that have occurred, the movements of the enemy, the state of the army, requests etc.

This duty was, for the most part, assigned to Robert Hanson Harrison, being Military Secretary. In most cases when you find a letter written to “Inform Congress” of anything, it’ll be either from Harrison directly or be from Washington but in Harrison’s handwriting. When he’s not available, the task gets delegated to Tilghman, him being assistant Secretary and all. If neither of them can do it then the task falls to someone else like Hamilton or, on occasion, Meade, as far as I’ve seen.

Attending/Recording meetings and councils

Being his staff, many of Washington’s Aides and Secretaries would attend meetings with him inside and outside of camp.

The aide’s unique position allowed them the privilege of being privy to every single action, plan, decision, movement etc. of the War that was made by George Washington. 

An aide (usually Harrison) or few would always be present with Washington at every meeting, Council of War, secret discussion, or whatever other occasion required Washington’s presence.

Whenever Washington would leave camp for a meeting, many in his flock of aides would follow.

At these meetings, it’s understood that the aides (mostly Harrison as Militar Secretary) occasionally played an active role at the table in advising, discussion, and decision making

The military secretary would also often be tasked with writing down the minutes of the proceedings.

Hosting/entertaining guests

Another duty of the aide-de-camp at Headquarters was hosting dinners.

The aides-de-camp would serve and entertain the guests at dinner time.

They would also give the toast, the task rotating around the Military Family.

Some Generals would even have their aides be the ones to serve dinner and make sure everyone’s cups remain filled.

In some cases, the aides would refuse to be subjected to that kind of work (e.g. Richard Varick telling Benedict Arnold straight up that he will not be his maid because he does not have time for that shit with his law studies)

Entertaining Guests and Hosting Dinners was one of the jobs that overwhelmed John Trumbull. It put you into contact with a lot of powerful and influential people - and there was a lot of pressure not to fuck it all up. You had to be at the top of your game because much of those people were of the social elites and the highest ranking in the army and your actions reflected back on Washington. Trumbull had overwhelmingly felt like he didn’t belong there.

Battlefield

On the battlefield, the aides weren’t even armed with anything more than a pistol and a sword because they were not expected to engage in fighting, they had other important duties to attend to.

Reconnoitering

Washington would often rely on his aides-de-camp to go out and gather intel on the enemy’s troop movements and of the battlefield in general, especially whenever he was lacking in mounted troops. (e.g. the Battle of Monmouth)

The reconnoitering was done by the aides both in and out of battle.

Hovering

Wherever Washington went on the battlefield, his flock of aides not delegated a task at the moment followed. People would often remark “The General did/went ____ attended by his flock of aides” when moving about the battlefield

This was because they needed to be near Washington so that when Washington issued an order, they’d be able to gallop off in an instant to relay the message to those it was for or do whatever it is that Washington needed them to do in that moment.

Advising/Assisting Washington

When Washington debated a plan of action, his aides would provide him with their input or find someone that they knew would be able to assist him in making a decision.

Carrying, delivering, and issuing information/orders in the field

Aides were frequently on the move during battle, traveling between divisions in order to relay information and make sure that all of the generals remained on as much the same page as possible.

They also had the authority to issue orders if the situation called for it and there was no other higher authority to give them at the time.

Rallying troops

The best way to explain this is to provide an example: At the Battle of Monmouth, Washington sent out all of his aides to rally the confused troops, quickly and efficiently forming them into a line of battle as directed.

Saving Washington’s life when he’s being a tad too daring for anyone’s comfort.

Washington had a tendency to put himself where it’s a wee bit (Read: extremely) dangerous and his aides would sometimes have to be the ones to go out and reign him back a little bit if they could convince him to go. (Convincing Washington to take himself out of danger was a battle all on its own.)

Field Missions

Delivering Letters

If a letter was important enough, an aide delivered it to the recipient personally. 

Important letters to Congress and/or big news was a major one for this category. 

When important battles happened, an aide would deliver the news himself. (e.g. Gates’s Aide, Wilkinson, after winning Saratoga, Washington’s aide Tilghman after winning Yorktown, etc.) 

If an aide delivered a letter it gave the letter a weight of importance and immediacy. You better open the letter immediately, read it, and respond to it right now.

Delivering personal letters from Washington or the other aides was also a thing that an aide might do. But, usually, if an aide was carrying personal letters than he was probably going on leave.

If they’re heading that way, anyway, might as well take the letters with them, y’know? Kind of thing.

Escort

It generally fell to one of the aides to provide escort for Martha Washington and whoever was with her to/from camp or wherever it was that she was going. Not always for the duration of the whole journey, she had other escorts it’s just that when Washington got news that she would be arriving soon, an aide was usually sent out to meet her and travel with her the rest of the way to camp.

Another example of this is Richard Kidder Meade escorting Charles Lee back to camp after he was released in a prisoner exchange during Valley Forge.

The aides would also occasionally provided escort for prisoners, but not often. You were a pretty high profile prisoner if an aide was escorting/watching you because these dudes are busy as fuck and were needed for other things.

As mentioned above, Reconnoitering

Aides occasionally sent out to get a lay of the land and see what they can find of the enemy outside of battle as well.

Super top secret missions and shit

Honestly, have no idea what any of this was specifically aside from the fact that it happened at least once with Meade and that they were never put to paper because it was too risky to write them down.

Special Missions

Occasionally Aides were sent out to complete specific tasks out in the field. e.g.:

Joseph Reed was sent out to form the Washington’s Cruisers, a small naval force created by Washington in the absence of a Continental Navy not yet authorized by Congress.

Alexander Hamilton and Caleb Gibbs sent out to meet Gates in Albany and get him to send to Washington troops/reinforcements.

John Laurens was sent to Rhode Island to be the liaison between the recently arrived French Fleet and the American forces there.

Unique Tasks

Not all tasks were universal. Washington was adept at tailor-making tasks to fit each of his aides’ unique skill sets in order to get the most out of them and their service. This wasn’t always the case, some tasks were entirely circumstantial but here’s a rundown on what some of those things looked like:

Military Secretary

As I’ve mentioned throughout this, there were actually two separate job titles among the aides: Military Secretary and Aide-de-Camp.

There were only four Military Secretaries over the course of the War: Joseph Reed, Edmund Randolph, Robert Hanson Harrison, and Jonathan Trumbull Jr. 

I’ve mentioned some of their duties already but others include things like:

Robert Hanson Harrison, when he wasn’t going with Washington out of camp, running Headquarters in Washington’s absence, acting kinda like a pseudo-Chief of Staff in that regard.

He brought the aides their work, got them up in the morning, made sure they were on task and that their work was getting done etc.

There were also Assistant Secretaries.

When Washington and many of the staff had to leave camp to travel with the commander-in-chief, an assistant secretary was generally left behind to forward letters and keep things going a bit in headquarters while Washington was away.

Prisoner Exchange

When the prisoner exchange committees were formed, Robert Hanson Harrison was made a commissary and went out with others to negotiate prisoner exchanges with the British. Alexander Hamilton also became a commissary of prisoner exchange alongside him.

Caleb Gibbs

Gibbs is a bit of a unique case. He was Captain of Washington’s Guard and given aide-de-camp privileges and duties without ever being appointed one. He had a range of unique duties in addition to the other aides’ duties thanks to his actual job and those include

scoping out the best defensible position and choosing where Washington was to make his headquarters based on that.

Managing the household

Handling the Military Family’s finances.

He and his men screening visitors and anyone who approached headquarters in general so that the other aides wouldn’t have to be distracted from their work and so that they could keep the premise secure.

Organizing/was on night watch.

Overseeing the security of all of their papers and baggage

Things more suited for a post about the Life Guard than this one.

Richard Varick

Despite being an aide-de-camp, Varick never resided at Headquarters as an aide. Instead, he was holed up in a little house in Poughkeepsie with a few assistants and all of Washington’s correspondence written over the course of the war.

Varick’s job as an aide was the compiling of what has come to be known as the Varick Transcripts. He organized and then transcribed every single piece of paper that came and went from headquarters, compiling them into 44 volumes, each 300+ pages long, over the course of two and a half years, finishing at the close of the war. 

Washington called him his “Recording Secretary” and assigning Varick with the task of organizing and copying his papers was him showing the rest of the world the amount of trust and faith he had in Varick, his character, and his innocence during the Benedict Arnold debacle.

Pierre Penet

Was a French Merchant and appointed honorary aide-de-camp. He came to America to arrange a deal for supplying Washington with goods and then requested the privilege to be Washington’s aide so that he could conduct his business in Washington’s name while wearing the uniform of a continental soldier and the green sash of the aides despite never intending to come back to America while the war was still going on. The request was granted and Penet was made an aide.

John Walker

An interesting case. Virginia’s Executive Council wanted an agent in Headquarters so that would regularly report to them the situation in the Continental Army. Washington was hesitant and also knew that if he accepted then all the other states would want that, too, but he couldn’t delegate the task to anyone in the staff, so the Virginia Executive Council nominated Walker and he was made an aide-de-camp while Walker’s real mission remained a secret. He didn’t stick around for long.

Richard Kidder Meade

Directly interacting with the soldiers at times.

This wasn’t something that the aides commonly did and is something that, as far as my research has extended at this point, was unique to him.

The Orderly Books from Valley Forge stated things like

Officers report to Meade their troop numbers and the lists of all troops that have joined or reenlisted in their companies/regiments since the beginning of April.

Officers were to report to Meade for directions on how and where to build their huts

He was assigned Field Officer of the Day on multiple occasions (~once a month during Valley Forge) and I have yet to find any other of Washington’s staff in any orderly book having been assigned this task.

Tasks include what was essentially Policing Camp

Receiving reports from officers on watch/guard

doing rounds to make sure they were doing their jobs

Parading troops

Drilling troops

Surveilling Troops and camp sutlers to make sure they were behaving themselves.

Sent out scouts and arranged patrols

reported to the Commander-in-Chief anything of note that day.

That probably gets the gist of it. I might have missed something in there but I’m pretty sure I’ve covered everything that’s important. Examples are also not all-inclusive lists, they’re just examples. The unique tasks section falls under that distinction as well. I’m really glad that you’ve taken enough of an interest in this particular branch of history to ask about it! But yeah, there were a lot of them. The war was long and the task was difficult. It wasn’t a job many particularly wanted, but it was a good job to have thanks to the immense networking capabilities that it offered which could help a guy vertically climb their way into other positions if they so desired. There were some that were perfectly content with the job, though.32 is just the number of aides Washington had over the course of the war!! Each of the other generals also had numerous aides, so there’s a lot of them.Again, sorry this took me so long to answer!! There was a lot and I have been busy.I’d provide all my sources but I don’t have time to hunt down where I got all my information from since I just spewed this information out cold, but I know a lot of what’s knocking around in my brain comes from Lefkowitz’s book, George Washington’s Indispensable Men. Stuff on Field Officers of the Day came from Ward’s Washington’s Enforcers. And what didn’t come from those places probably came from what I’ve gathered/absorbed/inferred/concluded from my own research.