#angry dean

[octoberclidan]

Needing You

Request: With absolutely no pressure, could I request some comfort for our sweet (and vulnerable) Dean? Something very soft and gentle? 💚

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Masterlist

Story:

Dean didn't wait for either Sam or [Y/N]. As soon as he'd turned off the engine, he was out of the car and marching towards their motel room. He didn't take his bag, he didn't look at either of them, he didn't say anything, he just left. Everything that could've gone wrong on the hunt, had gone wrong. Nothing about their day had gone well. It had been a cold, dark, rainy day since the moment they'd woken up. Dean had been captured by a witch, his absolute least favourite thing to hunt, and it had taken Sam and [Y/N] all day to find him. While he'd been magically held against a wall in the witch's home, he watched two of her victims die. He couldn't physically do anything, and there was nothing he could say to stop her. He was to be her third victim, but right before she cut his neck, Sam had burst into the room and the witch disappeared. Dean had fallen to the ground, and had pushed both Sam and [Y/N] away when they tried to help him up.

[Y/N]'s view of Dean marching to their motel room was obscured by the raindrops rolling down the car's window. She hadn't tried to talk to him the entire ride back; she knew better after Dean had snapped at Sam just for clearing his throat. She sighed, and was about to open her door when Sam turned around in his seat to look at her. "He'll be okay. He'll punch something, get drunk, and sleep it off. We'll be back on the hunt in the morning". He cringed slightly when he heard the door to their room slam. "I think we should probably see about getting a second room and giving him some space tonight".

"Do you think he'll be okay on his own? I've seen him beating himself up after hunts before, but I've never seen him like this", she said. [Y/N] had a deep level of concern and care for Dean. She loved both Winchesters, she'd do anything for either of them, and she hated seeing them upset. Sam sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

"He won't let himself lose control, we still have to find the witch. He'll be good by the morning". He finally opened his door, the wind blowing some rain into the car. "Wait here until I get us a room, I'll be back in a few minutes". [Y/N] watched as he pulled his jacket up over his head and quickly got out of the car, closing his door behind him and jogging over to the motel's reception. She felt a bit uneasy leaving Dean alone when he was probably in there breaking something and hating himself, but she knew that no one knew him and what he needed better than Sam.

The door to the reception opened and it caught her eyes, she saw Sam jogging back to the car. She grabbed her bag from beside her as Sam opened up the trunk to grab his own, and they quickly ran through the parking lot to get to their new room, which happened to be the one right next to Dean's. Sam opened the door and ushered [Y/N] inside, and she shivered as droplets of rain water fell from her hair. "You wanna take the first shower?" Sam asked as he put his bag down on the desk beside the window, and [Y/N] nodded.

"Yeah, I'll make it quick", she said and made her way into the bathroom, taking her bag with her. The water wasn't exactly hot, but it did warm her up a little bit. She couldn't keep her thoughts from wondering to Dean, thinking about what must be going through his head and what he was up to in the other room. She began to grow even more worried as she turned off the shower and started to pull on the old comfortable clothes she kept for sleeping in; one of Dean's old band t-shirts, and some very well worn sweatpants. What if he decided to go to a bar? Dean had no issues with driving after drinking on an ordinary day, but what if he tried to drive home after drinking too much in the dark and rain?

Once she was dressed, she opened the bathroom door. Sam was sitting on one of the beds and looked up at her as she walked out. "Shower's all yours, just a warning though, the water's not hot", she said as she made her way over to the other bed.

"Noted", Sam sighed as he pushed himself off the bed to go get his clothes and toiletries. "Are you okay?" He asked before he went in.

"Yeah, just worried I guess", she shrugged. He nodded in understanding as he closed the bathroom door behind him. She heard the shower turn on, and she decided to pull out her journal to make notes on the hunt. She'd only just sat down on a bed and opened her journal when she heard a crash behind her head, and she spun around on the bed to look at the wall behind her. A few seconds later, and there was a bang on the wall, shaking it along with her bed frame. Dean. Without stopping to think, she tossed her journal down beside her and shot out of bed. She scribbled down a quick note for Sam on a little post-it that was on the desk, and headed straight out of the room.

Although the corridor outside the room had a cover over it, the floor was still wet from the rain being blown onto it from the wind. The wind and rain hit her immediately and she ran to the next door, banging on it and hoping Dean wouldn't take too long to let her in, hoping he hadn't injured himself, hoping he could let her in. When ten seconds went by without any answer, she banged on the door again. "Damnit Dean, let me in! I'm getting soaked out here!" She wrapped her arms around herself and rubbed her bare arms as she stood there being attacked by the weather, her clothes having no waterproof capabilities.

The door opened slightly and she looked up to find a red-eyed Dean. He looked her up and down before sighing and opening the door wide enough to let her in. She slipped inside and kept her arms around herself as she waited for him to close the door and turn to face her. "What are you doing in here?" He mumbled as he kept his head down and walked past her to his bed. He sat down on the edge of it, and she noticed that his knuckles were bloody as he held his hands on his lap.

"Will you let me look at those?" She asked, walking over to him. He pulled his hands back as she reached down for them, but she insisted. He didn't put up a fight as she held his hands in hers and lifted them up to look at them. "I'm going to clean them and wrap them".

"They're fine".

"Dean", she sighed. "They're not fine, and you're not fine either. You can talk about it with me if you want to, or you can sit there in silence, but either way, I'm taking care of these hands". She gently squeezed them before placing them back in his lap. She looked around the room before remembering that Dean hadn't taken his bag in from the car. "Just... wait here, don't move, I'll be back in less than a minute". He didn't say anything and he didn't look up at her as she quickly left the room.

She ran through the rain back to the other room and let herself in to find Sam sitting on his bed reading through a book. "How is he?" He asked, leaning forward with his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

"He's Dean", she sighed, looking through her bag for her first aid kit.

"You gonna bring a coat this time?" He asked as she went to open the door again. She paused and nodded.

"Good idea", she chuckled as she grabbed her jacket, holding it over her head. "I'm not sure when I'll be back... if I can get him to open up maybe I'll just stay with him, are you good here?"

"Good luck, yeah I'm fine, just let me know if you need anything", he smiled at her. He knew Dean was in safe hands with [Y/N]. Although he knew Dean better than anyone, he also knew that if anyone could get him to open up and hate himself a little less, it would be her.

Dean was waiting for [Y/N] this time with the door open, not wanting her to stand out in the rain any longer than needed. She smiled at him in thanks as he held the door open for her, and he caught himself smiling back. He could feel his anger start to dissipate, and he cursed her in his mind for having that effect on him. He felt like he deserved to feel bad, he felt like he didn't deserve to be smiling. "Okay, sit on the bed so I can clean those hands up", she said as she grabbed a chair.

"I can do it myself".

"No you can't, I've seen you doing it yourself and you're shit at it, now sit", she placed the first aid kit down on the bed and put her hands on her hips, waiting for him to shake his head and follow her instructions like he always ended up doing. He sat down and she pulled the chair closer so she could sit opposite him, their knees touching. She grabbed one of his hands and pulled out an antiseptic wipe to start to clean it. He hissed at the initial sting, but it soon went away. She held his hand in one hand, stroking her thumb up and down soothingly, while she wiped his knuckles with her other. She lifted his hand closer to her face to inspect it, and then threw the wipe away and took out some gauze.

"It's not bad enough to need that stuff", Dean protested, but one glare from her and he stopped, letting her gently wrap his hand. She placed it on his lap as he took his other hand, which wasn't as bad, but he knew she'd insist on wrapping it too anyway. He looked into her face as she worked on his second hand, noticing how she stuck her tongue out slightly between her teeth in concentration. He'd never known anyone so beautiful, inside and out, and he didn't know how he was lucky enough to have her as a constant in his life.

"There, all done", she smiled as she let go of his hand and packed away her supplies. When she looked back at Dean, he was looking down at his hands, and a tear fell from his eye to darken a little spot on his bandage. "Hey, what's going on inside that head of yours?" She asked, gently covering his hand with hers. He shook his head and sniffed, looking away from her. "Come on, talk to me, I'm right here", she lifted her hand to touch his cheek, slowly turning his face back to her.

"I was useless today", he said.

"Dean-", she sighed but he cut her off and took his hand back from her, standing up abruptly and forcing her back a little so he could walk away. She stared at him as he started to pace up and down the room. "Dean-", she tried again, but he stopped and glared at her through teary eyes.

"Don't 'Dean' me, okay? I fucked up. I let my guard down, got caught by a fucking witch and watched two people die, knowing I couldn't do shit but wait to be rescued. I'm supposed to save people, I'm not supposed to need saving".

"Dean, how many times have you saved me? Or Sam? Does that make either of us less of a hunter? Does that make either of useless?"

"No, but it's different".

"How exactly is it different? Why can't Dean Winchester need saving sometimes? You're not invincible Dean, you're human. Shit happens. Sometimes everyone needs a little saving. Sometimes you can't save everyone, no matter how good you are". She stood up and walked over to him, looking up at him. He turned his face away from her, but she reached up tentatively to put her hand on his cheek. He didn't resist when she turned his face to look down at her, and once he looked into her eyes, he broke. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest, burying his face in her neck as he started to cry quietly. She wrapped her arms around his waist and stood there in his embrace, letting him get his emotions out. She was almost afraid to make any movement or say anything, in case it pulled him out of his vulnerability, but after a few minutes she leaned back slightly and looked up at him.

He blinked through his tears and sniffed, then frowned at her. "You're damp", he mumbled, and she couldn't help but laugh quietly.

"Yeah, it's raining".

"I'm sorry".

"For what?" She asked, rubbing his back gently.

"Being like this", he shrugged, "crying and punching things and..." He shook his head as if trying to get rid of his train of thought.

"And what?" She prompted him, tilting her head in curiosity. He paused in contemplation for a moment, glancing between her eyes, feeling comfort when all he saw was sincerity looking back at him. His hands fell to her waist and he held her firmly, pulling her back in closer to his chest.

"And needing you".

He was finally opening up to her, and she sighed in relief, knowing this meant he'd be okay. "I will always be here for you, Dean", she said.

"Is it okay?" He asked, looking down at her, his face suddenly full of worry. "Is it okay that I need you?"

"Dean", she said, moving her hands up to cup his cheeks, her thumbs wiping his tears away. "We all need each other. Sam and I need you, just like you and I need Sam".

"Like Sam and I need you", he nodded, and his hands left her waist to hold her arms, gently squeezing them as if to confirm to himself that she was real, and that she was standing in front of him in that moment. "You're shivering", he noted, "I'll get you some dry clothes". He pulled away from her and went to his bag, routing around and pulling out one of his clean flannels and a pair of sweatpants and handing them to her. "Can you... I mean", he cleared his throat nervously. "If you want to, you can stay in this room tonight. I don't think you should go back out into the rain".

"Is it okay with you if I stay here?" She smiled back at him.

"Yes", he said quickly. "I need you tonight... just uh, you make me feel calm, it's like I struggle to feel angry around you", he chuckled softly.

"You have a similar effect on me".

"Really?"

"Dean, your hugs make everything better".

"Come here", he reached his arm out to her and she put the clothes down onto the bed before going to him and being engulfed in his arms again. He held her tightly this time and she smiled as he kissed the top of her head. "You're still damp", he chuckled, and she felt the vibrations from his chest on the side of her face.

"I don't care", she squeezed him back and closed her eyes, hoping they'd somehow end up sharing a bed so she could stay in his arms for the night. She knew he was going to be okay, and that's all she needed in that moment.

The end

Dean Winchester taglist: @123passwort @janineb86 @k-slla @lyarr24 @candy-coated-misery0731 @jackles010378 @hobby27 @pizzagirlxnsfwx @itburnslikehelltobevega @queenie32 @livingdead-reilly @vmaier12 @littlemadamred @darthysfanfic @dramatic-long-coats

[sassylittlecanary]

People are acting like himbo!Clark Kent (aka “actually smart but still awkward, sweet, and hunky”) is new because of MAWS, as though all these versions don’t exist—

He’s almost always portrayed as a big, sweet, lovable guy who can be awkward and nervous just like anybody else but who’s also competent and brave when helping others. That’s just Clark.

[queerstudiesnatural]

i'm a firm believer that cas' confession was so so fucked up like you can't tell your best friend with extreme guilt issues that you love him and that's what's gonna kill you and then disappear forever and leave him to deal with that. it's so messed up. and i want cas to be confronted with the consequences of his actions.

so when they finally get cas, after the relieved hugs and "are you okay"s, i want sam to be so mad at cas. i want sam to yell at cas. "i don't know what you said or did to him, but you need to fix it. i want my brother back. dean hasn't spoken a word in months, he's not eating, he's been sick and depressed, he's lost weight, he's not showering, i barely recognise him anymore. dean has been through so much in his life but i've never seen him like this. now i have a feeling i know what happened in that dungeon but it's not my business. all i'm saying is you need to talk to him, and you need to apologise for leaving him like this, and you need to make it better. ok. good to have you back."

[collegeboysam]

they didn't explore sam using his powers to save dean enough, so desperate to get to his brother that he just does it, not even completely sure how. we should have had a monster of the week episode where a group tries to hurt them and sam gets so frantic about dean maybe dying that he makes everyone's heads explode

[glorystark]

Empty eyes | Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean doesn't take Charlie's death too well and because of the Mark of Cain affecting him, he tells you things that will regret.

Warnings: moc!Dean Winchester, Dean being a dick, minor mentions of injury, swearing, ANGST, major character's death

Pairing: Dean Winchester × reader

Featuring: Sam Winchester

Word count: 2,3k

We watched in agony as Charlie's body, wrapped around a white sheet, burned in the flames. This should never have happened to her kind soul. She died so we could save Dean. I couldn't help but feel guilty; my heart ached because I lost a friend, again. I knew Sam felt the same. We both asked Charlie for help with the Book of the Damned, and we both lied to Dean about the book being destroyed. Now it was too late to make things right. Memories flashed through my eyes, making me tear up. I remembered when she helped us with the Dick situation, or when I taught her some hunter-kind-of-tricks. How happy she was and wouldn't stop thanking me. She didn't deserve this, anyone but her.

“Charlie,” Sam started, grabbing my and probably Dean's attention. “We are gonna miss you. You're the best.” He stopped when his voice cracked, and now I was sure he felt far worse than me because looking back, he suggested not telling Dean about the Book of the Damned not being destroyed, which I didn't agree with at first. But seeing Dean, my Dean, slowly fade away right in front of my eyes changed my opinion. Maybe it was selfish, me and Sam both were. But we couldn't let Dean become something he fears, a Monster. We couldn't lose another person, another family member, but we didn't realize who we were putting in danger on this path.

“We love you, Charlie, and I'm so sorry,” I said, blinking through tears.

“Shut up,” Dean said coldly, making Sam and me look at him. “You got her killed. You don't get to apologize.” He continued.

“Dean-“ Sam started, but Dean cut him off.

“You too, you two are the reason she is dead,” he said, not taking his eyes off the flames.

“We were trying to help you,” I said, still looking at him.

“I didn't need help,” he said bitterly. "I told you to leave it alone.”

“What were we supposed to do, just watch you die?” Sam asked, not letting me be the only one receiving the cold tone from his older brother.

“The mark isn't gonna kill me.”

“Maybe not, but when it's done with you, you won't be you anymore,” I stated. “Dean, you're all we got. So of course we were gonna fight for you because that's what we do,” I said softly.

“Yeah, she's right, we had a shot-“ Sam was cut off again by Dean.

“Yeah, you had a shot. Charlie is dead.” He finally turned his head to look at me and his brother, who was standing next to me. His dark emerald eyes bore into mine, and I couldn't recognize them. Never have I ever seen him look at me with those eyes. Because no matter how much crap we went through, he always made sure I was fine, and his eyes held nothing but sweetness and, on most occasions, worry. “Nice shot.”

“Are you even listening to me? You think I'm ever gonna forgive myself for that?!” I snapped, not being able to keep my voice down anymore. He is grieving, but so am I. If I could, I would trade places with her.

“You know what I think,” he started, still with the same voice tone. “I think it should be you up there and not her.”

I felt my heart break for the hundredth time today. I parted my lips, not taking my teary eyes off him, which clearly showed how hurt I was. Sam let out a small gasp and widened his eyes after he heard Dean's words, clearly not expecting his brother to go that far.

I knew he blamed me, probably even more than Sam. But knowing that he wanted me dead hurt more than any physical torture I've experienced.

Sam called his name, still shocked after what he heard, but his brother just walked away, breaking my heart more and more.

—————

It has been a week since I lost Charlie, since I lost my Dean. He has been searching for the Stynes ever since but has been having a bit of trouble finding their location. So meanwhile, he went on a few solo hunts. He hasn't said a word to me and to Sam, just a few like ‘buy some beers’ ‘did you find anything about the Stynes’.

He found another hunt for today and was packing his bag in his own room. We both haven't stepped in our shared room ever since the accident, which meant we weren't even sleeping on the same bed. I'm done with being ignored, so I knocked on his door and opened it without waiting for any response. He didn't even turn around, probably knowing it was me.

“Dean,” I called his name, not even knowing what I wanna talk about, but getting him to look at me was the first step. “Dean,” I called, this time louder, and when he still didn't turn around, I walked towards him and grabbed his arm. “Alright, I'm done. When will you finally stop ignoring me?!”

He looked at my hand, which was grabbing his arm, and slowly turned around, finally looking at my face. “I'm not ignoring you, I just don't want to talk to you or be near you,” he said bitterly, pulling his arm away and reaching for his door.

“Dean, you know you're not the only one who lost someone, okay? And believe me, I know it's my fault she's gone, and I'll never forgive myself for that. But, god, you're practically killing me. I miss you,” I said desperately, waiting for something in his eyes to change, waiting for him to embrace me in his strong arms, but... Nothing. His eyes didn't even hold hatred anymore, just emptiness.

“I don't know what you expect me to say, ‘I'm sorry you were so stupid’ ‘I'm sorry you got another person killed off’ ‘I'm sorry you're so fucking useless’ Huh?! Is that what you want me to say? You want me to feel sorry for you?!” he yelled, showing the anger and darkness in his eyes while he harshly slammed me to the wall, making me whimper slightly. His words cut deep into my skin, but I tried my best to ignore them, knowing this Dean wasn't really my Dean.

“I want you to understand, I want you to know that I'm sorry. I want you to tell me that we're gonna go through this like we always do,” I said softly, looking deeply into his eyes, trying to crack him.

He let out a dark chuckle and grasped my shoulders, lowering his head to be on the same height level with me. “You want me to tell you that we're gonna go through this? Well, baby, in that way, I'd be a big liar.”

“Dean, me and Sam, we are so close to saving you. Please, just don't let the mark control you,” I begged, feeling small under his touch.

“I don't want nor need you two saving me, and believe me, at this very moment, I'm trying to not let the mark control me, so don't provoke me,” he whispered against my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

"I thought you trusted me.”

“Well, that trust was destroyed when you got someone who was like a sister to me killed. Have you ever noticed how many innocent people died because you were being too stupid?” he said harshly.

"We all have made mistakes, Dean," I said, as I thought about the hunts where innocent people died, and I couldn't save them. I didn't want Dean to know how much his words were affecting me, but, god, I felt like a crumpled paper.

“Seems like that's the only thing you ever do,” he smirked, letting his eyes fall on the floor again before looking up at my eyes again. “Tell me, how does it feel knowing you don't mean anything to anybody and you're just a burden in our lives? How does it feel knowing nobody loves you?”

That's it. That was the punch line to make me break into tears.

“Y-you love me, you said that before.”

“You know I lie to get laid,” he said, smirking, proud of his response.

My heart was racing more and more, and I felt nauseous.

“Dean, please-“

“You're nothing, do you hear me? Nothing!” he grabbed my cheeks harshly. “Your existence doesn't matter. You.don't.matter.” he said, spitting the words out before letting me go. He took his bag and walked out of the room, not even glancing at me. I slid down the wall as I started sobbing silently.

Then I heard a buzz from my phone.

New message from Sammy:

“Y/N, Dean just said he found a hunt, probably three to four werewolves, and he told me to go with him. I was really surprised but didn't question him. I think he's getting better. I'll also talk to him on the road. Next time, he'll definitely ask you too, just like old times. Don't stay up and don't worry; we got this :) love you.”

He asked Sam to go, but not me. If he hadn't told me that he hated me a few minutes ago, I'd think he was worried. But if it was really 3 or 4 werewolves, there's nothing to be worried about. He just wants to stay away from me. He told me I was a burden to them; he'll probably throw me out of the bunker soon.

Dark thoughts ran through my mind, and suddenly a rush of anxiety ran through me. What if there were more than a few werewolves? What if they get hurt? What if Dean hates me even more?

I checked Sam's message again and saw that he sent me the address of where the werewolves' location is and where the hunt would probably take place. I quickly rushed to my room, grabbed my car keys, and went to drive to the location.

—————

I was hiding behind some of the trees in the forest, watching as each of the boys fought one werewolf, two already dead ones on the floor.

Everything seemed good so far; I mean, their guns were on the floor, but they were fighting each werewolf single handed and there was no need for me to make my presence known. The boys were winning as always. And that's when I realized they don't really need me in their life. I knew the words that came out of Dean's mouth tonight weren't really Dean's, my Dean. But he was somehow right; before I became the hunter I am today, I made many mistakes. Some were small, and some led to people getting hurt or even killed. I also put their lives in danger multiple times because I was being reckless. Finding the demons that killed my parents blinded my vision. I was ready to get back to the bunker when I saw both of the werewolves giving up until I noticed something.

A werewolf close to Sam's back, and it seemed like none of the brothers noticed him. I searched for my gun but remembered I forgot it in the backseat of my car. I cursed under my breath and did the only thing possible right now to save Sam. I couldn't let Dean lose another person, especially his brother, who I knew meant the world to him. I couldn't put him through something like that again when there's a chance to save the younger Winchester.

So I ran towards Sam, trying my best to not slip because of the woods on the floor. The Werewolf was close, and nobody noticed him. I'm not the only stupid one after all. The boys turned their heads to me for a slight second, surprised at my presence, but didn't stop fighting the other werewolves.

Until I pushed Sam away from the werewolf he was fighting onto the floor. He seemed confused at first, until he saw it. I assumed Dean did too but couldn't be too sure since he was behind me. I let out an agonizing scream when the werewolf grazed his claws into my stomach and the other one, which Sam was fighting before, grazed his claws into my back before my lifeless body fell on the floor. Dean didn't hesitate more seconds before getting his gun from the floor and shooting all the werewolves.

I was bleeding like a waterfall from my body and my mouth. But the good thing is-

I didn't feel any pain, or anything in that matter…

Dean Winchester’s Pov:

No no no.

This can't be happening.

It's all a nightmare, just another stupid nightmare.

I heard Sam's crying voice telling the love of my life, his best friend, to wake up, holding her torn apart body in his arms, asking her why she pushed him away. But there was no answer.

It's a nightmare happening in real life.

Her beautiful y/e/c are open but so empty, unrecognizable.

I stood over her body, not being able to move from my spot.

There is so much blood everywhere.

Her blood.

This is hell.

No, I’ve been to hell and it's worse than hell.

I started tearing up more and more, reality hitting me more every second.

I let out an angry scream and fell on my knees when I remembered my last words to her.

“You're nothing, do you hear me? Nothing! Your existence doesn't matter. You.don't.matter.”

She wasn't nothing, she was my everything.

She mattered, she was the reason I kept going, now she's gone and it's all my fault.

All my fault.

All of the words I said came back to me, making my chest hurt.

As I knelt beside her lifeless body, surrounded by the aftermath of our shattered world, I whisper into the silent abyss, "I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm so sorry."

And deep down I felt the Mark laughing…

[sunglassesmish]

what an ass kicking huh

[opheliasam]

The thing is that the ways in which dean and sam need each other are both compatible and parallel in their nature.

Dean needs sam to stay with him (let him take care of him look after him and be with him) and sam despite all his need for autonomy and freedom which he does desire of course (he needs dean to respect his choices and see him) also needs dean to need him—choose him. It’s always been that way—something we see from the very pilot itself. He goes with dean in the pilot after dean admits that he doesn’t want to do it without sam even if he is capable for it.

It affects sam profoundly when dean gets close to other people—especially men because it threatens the idea that dean could need people other than him (even the mere desire to want for others apart from him is distasteful even if he doesn’t want it to be—he just can’t help it, it’s the way they are.) Of course dean has never needed for anything more than sam, that sam and just sam has always been more than enough but sam needs that from him, constantly and actively.

In Sacrifice (8x23), when he reveals that the fact that dean chose to turn to people (an angel, a vampire) apart from him was unbearable to him was just so.. much. And it’s interesting because we know that sam too is friends with cas, has never been shown to consider him a rival in any sense (but just the mere possibility of sam and just sam not being enough for dean is devastating for him.) He doesn’t harbour any resentment or competition towards cas, it’s just that he needs to be the choice over everything else from dean. He needs it because he chose that too, even when he had a chance to get out—multiple times over. And yes, the circumstances shaping his choices are often not ideal, are sometimes not even entirely choices but he always stays because of the knowledge that dean will always choose him.

The conflict then is often caused by doubt—dean, deeply insecure about sam’s loyalty. For him, it’s a given—that sam will always be first, has always and forever been above everything else but he expects sam to know it too. Despite everything he puts on him and says to him, despite the fights and the anger and the mistrust. None of that will ever change this one fundamental thing.

But Sam doesn’t (!!) Maybe at one time he did, before the demon blood and the soullessness and the countless countless ways he thinks he fucked up but somewhere along the line it became clear to Sam that he could not trust it to always be Dean’s first choice, can’t know it for sure.

Doubt again, Sam—unable to know if Dean will always choose him over all else and Dean unable to verbalise that enough because of said insecurity (the fear that he needs sam more than sam needs him) and unable to understand why Sam would feel this way because he expects him to already know that Sam will always be above all else, at the end of the day despite whatever happens because that is who Dean is.

[lazarushound]

My Best Friend (who has never seen Supernatural) Writes an Episode of Supernatural

Everything they know about this godforsaken show is based on my poetry and my insane, autism fuelled ramblings. Enjoy.

[Opening Scene in a forest with a car. Also Sam and Dean are there.] Sam: I told you not to fuck with my car! Dean: Fuck you, I didn't fuck with your car. Sam: This is why dad beat you as a child. [The two begin fighting, shouting unintelligible insults at each other which show their deeply messed up psyches as a result of their poor childhood.] [A vague monster appears, grabbing Dean tightly by the throat. He comes to him as a really really hot guy, and Dean actually doesn't seem to mind.] Monster: I know what you are. I know what you are really looking for. I know what you have been waiting for for all of these years. [Dean's eyes trail to the monster, looking at him brotherly and admiring his totally sick bod.] [A beat. Dean is about to open his mouth, his eyes trailing from the monster's to his lips before-] Monster: A brother. [Dean's expression falls. He's not so bricked up now, and in fact seems disgusted. Was it himself he was disgusted with? Or was it... his father? He goes to the nearest tree and punches it, his knuckles bleeding. He watches the blood fall. He thinks he deserves it.] [Cas appears, out of nowhere or something, or maybe he walks. It's probably a bit awkward at first to be honest. Dean is crying, or maybe he's not. He never cries, so it's a bit hard to tell.] [Cas looks at Dean with a vulnerable expression. He looks like the epitome of an open wound. Too soft for his own good. He puts a hand on Dean's, who almost seems to flinch at the touch.] [Another beat. The two are staring into each other's eyes. But it's not romantic, they're just good friends.] [Except not really. It's hard to love someone who doesn't want to know the truth about themselves.]

Cas: Are you okay, baby doll? [Dean is angry again.] Dean: I'm fine. Get your little fmaggot fingers off of me. Cas: Why won't you let me treat you like a companion? [Dean cries at the touch. Or maybe he doesn't.] Dean: I'm not worthy of healing. Cas: But I love you. We're brothers. [Dean is bricked up rn, and this is a total mood killer.] Dean: We're not brothers. [Sam is just kind of there. With a girl or some gaping hole in his heart just like his brother.]

Cas: We're companions. We are life partners. We are civil mates forever. [There is a lot of sexual tension right now, but it's actually a bit awkward and quite uncomfortable. The shuffling of Sam's feet on the leaves is a pathetic space filler.] [A beat.] Cas: You're my sweet cheese, man.

[assiraphales]

I respect the creative decision spn writers made to make one of the main characters of their show a FUGITIVE hunted by police for attempting murder and stabbing a cop a mere six episodes into the series. the main character, upon seeing his wanted poster on live television, complains that it’s a bad picture. then “kill” the character off by having him shoot his own doppelgänger. go big or go home babey

[queermania]

it's still so interesting to me that there's this lasting perception in fandom that dean is the one who doesn't want sam to have any relationships outside of the two of them and not the other way around when all evidence points to the contrary. dean regularly pushes sam to make connections with people but because he *checks notes* showed up at sam's apartment when he was scared about their missing father and got mad at sam for ignoring the outside world in order to play house while dean was fighting for his life and kevin needed him, that must mean dean wants sam all to himself i guess? apparently taking sam back to his apartment and telling him to go to amelia and offering to take him to visit sarah blake and encouraging him to go after eileen and and and just doesn't stack up against that one time he was traumatized and angry.

[octoberclidan]

You Don't Deserve That

Request: Could I request a story where Y/N has a boyfriend, who is very verbally abusive and Dean shows up to see Y/N, in the midst of one of their arguments and comes to defend her? She has a bad anxiety attack and Dean is there to comfort her and show her she deserves better? Thank you xx

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Masterlist

Story:

"Hey can you just drop me off at the bar instead of the bunker?" [Y/N] asked from the back seat of the Impala. Sam, Dean and [Y/N] were on their way back from a salt and burn case that had gone pretty well.

"Are we not all going to the bar later to celebrate?" Sam asked, turning around to look at her.

"Oh, yeah but Ian wants to meet up so I figured I'd meet him there early and then see you guys later when you're ready to come out?"

"Ian, huh? Still seeing him?" Dean asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

"Yep". [Y/N] popped her 'p' and looked out of the window. Dean didn't approve of Ian, and he'd been vocal about it over the last few months that she'd been seeing him. He'd only met him twice, but he hadn't liked the way he spoke, the way he dressed, his hair, his jokes. Everything about Ian was labelled as 'stupid' or 'dickish' or met with Dean rolling his eyes. That was without him knowing the worst of it. From what Dean had seen, Ian was confident, arrogant, and handsy with [Y/N]. Dean had never formally voiced his concerns about the relationship, but he'd made plenty of comments about Ian.

"Is it serious?" He asked and [Y/N] rolled her eyes.

"We've been together like three months. I'm a hunter, he's oblivious. No, it's not serious. Not that it's any of your business anyway". She grumbled, continuing to look out the window, avoiding the glance she knew Dean would give her in the rear view mirror. The truth was, it was serious, but not in the way that Dean was asking. She had almost broken up with Ian over ten times since she started seeing him, but she never went though with it. Ian would take her out on dates, like to dinner or the movies, even out for a picnic a few times, and he'd always be sweet and caring. He had a darker side though. He was demanding, possessive, distrusting, and he liked to yell. He had never physically hurt her, but he'd said extremely hurtful things to her. He'd insulted her intelligence, her opinions, her looks... any time he was slightly annoyed at anything, he'd take it out on her.

She didn't just take it though, she often yelled back at him, or if it was over the phone, would just hang up on him. Every single time, after he'd calmed down, he'd apologise and compliment her on everything and beg for forgiveness. So far, she'd given it. She knew it wasn't a healthy relationship, but she figured that may be for the best. She wasn't one for one night stands or sleeping with strangers, and when it came to romance, she hated first dates. Being a hunter, she was also apprehensive about any sort of serious and committed relationship. She'd either have to lie about her hunting life, never invite them to the bunker, and never let them get that close, or, she'd let them in to her dangerous world and risk losing herself in heartbreak. This way, she had someone to go on dates with, someone to text, someone to have fun with, and not develop serious feelings. Recently however, his behaviour and unkind words were taking their toll on her.

Both Sam and Dean had noticed her spending a lot more time on her own in her room, not wanting to talk to anyone after coming home from seeing Ian, not wanting to talk about anything other than whatever hunt was next, and not hanging out with them as much. They'd talked about it between the two of them, but they hadn't confronted [Y/N] about it yet. They were both worried about it, but neither of them knew what it was really like.

"Alright, we'll probably meet you in a couple of hours, okay?" Sam asked as Dean pulled up beside the bar.

"Sure, see you then". She opened up her door and grabbed her purse before heading off into the bar, the boys watching as she disappeared inside.

"We'll make it an hour". Dean said as he began to pull away. Sam raised an eyebrow and Dean scoffed at him. "Don't look at me like that".

***

It was only forty-five minutes later that Dean and Sam arrived back at the bar. Before Dean could open his door, Sam stopped him. "Dude, do you have feelings for her?"

"For who?"

"[Y/N]. We barely got back to the bunker before you wanted to get back here".

"I just want a drink". Dean shook his head at Sam.

"We have drinks at home".

"Yeah, well no offence Sammy but sometimes I want to enjoy the atmosphere, not sit around the bunker".

"You don't mind sitting around the bunker when [Y/N]'s there".

"She's a friend, I like her company, so what?" Dean said before finally opening his door and stepping out into the cool evening air, not waiting for Sam's response. The two of them walked through the door, their attention immediately drawn towards a noise that everyone else in the bar was already turning their heads to. Dean's heart sank as he saw the source of the noise. Ian was there, the vains in his neck popping as he shouted, almost screamed at [Y/N]. She was shouting back at him, but Dean didn't miss the tears falling from her eyes. Without so much as a second thought, he marched over to them, shoving onlookers to the side as Sam followed behind him, quietly apologising to those who had been in Dean's way.

"You're always such a fucking useless slut! I paid for that drink and you just drop it on the floor?!" Ian shouted into [Y/N]'s face.

"For fuck's sake I didn't drop it on purpose you idiot! It was an accident, I told you I'd pay for my own drink anyway!" She was visibly shaking as she shouted back at him. [Y/N] was an experienced hunter, much like Sam and Dean, and although she was tough and could handle most situations by herself, she was also a lot more sensitive than the boys. She had no problem fighting monsters, but she hated verbal confrontation, especially with people she knew, who she was supposed to be close to. Dean remembered one fight he had with her, not too long after they'd started hunting, and from the way she reacted, he promised never to get angry at her again. His heart couldn't take it, she had locked herself in her room crying for hours, not letting him in while his guilt consumed him. If he had an issue with something she had said or done, he'd vowed to have a calm discussion about it and never shout at her. It had been a struggle, Dean often lost his temper on hunts when someone nearly got hurt, but he had done his best to try when it came to [Y/N].

Seeing Ian shouting in her face was too much for him. He didn't care who was watching, he didn't care what the argument was about. No one was allowed to shout at [Y/N], not while he was there. He shoved Ian to the side, and Ian stumbled, grabbing on to the people standing there for balance. He stared at Dean in shock while Dean completely ignored him, making straight for [Y/N], grabbing her shoulders and immediately pulling her in to his chest. Ian began to walk towards them, glaring at them but Sam stepped in first. Sam placed his hand on Ian's shoulder and looked down at him, staring straight into his eyes. "Don't". He didn't need to say anything else for Ian to back down. He stared him down until Ian submitted, taking one last look at [Y/N] before turning around and storming out of the bar.

"C'mon, let's get you home". Dean said quietly into [Y/N]'s ear. All she did was nod before he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and followed Sam back out to the car. He quickly threw Sam the keys before opening the back door and sliding in, pulling her in after him. She shuffled closer to him as the engine started, and he held her close as they drove back to the bunker without a word. [Y/N] was sniffling and trying to catch her breath, wiping her eyes every so often when the tears spilt over. Dean's jaw was clenched, thinking up all of the scenarios he would love to be in to get Ian alone.

"We'll be in in awhile". Dean said as Sam turned off the engine in the bunker's garage. He nodded and got out of the car, leaving the two of them alone. "Hey, look at me". Dean pulled back slightly and hooked his index finger under her chin, pulling her up to look at him. She kept looking down however, not wanting eye contact.

"I... I don't know what to say". She sniffed, wiping her tear. "I feel so... so stupid. You probably think I'm stupid".

"[Y/N], you are not stupid. Don't you let that dick's words get into your head, okay? He's the stupid one, treating you like that". He shook his head disapprovingly. "You don't deserve that".

"I don't know what I deserve Dean". She cleared her throat as she tried to swallow back more tears. "I.. I just..." She took a moment to collect her thoughts, but it was difficult, every shouting match suddenly trying to resurface in her memory at once. "I don't know what to do". The tears spilled over again and she began to sob, pushing Dean's hand away from her chin so she could bury her face in his shoulder.

"How long has this been going on for?" He asked after the sobbing had quietened a little, and she shrugged.

"The whole time". She mumbled into his shoulder, embarrassment now starting to take over the anxiety from the fight. Dean held back his anger as he brought his hand up to rest on her back, starting to rub up and down soothingly.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I... I knew you'd just tell me to end things with him"

"Damn right I would have, and I would have been right to tell you that".

"Yeah well that's the problem Dean". She leaned back, now letting him see her face properly. Her eyes were red, her cheeks stained with tears. He instinctively raised his hand to use his thumb to wipe away a fresh tear.

"I don't get it, why didn't you end things?"

"Because!" She threw her hands up in exasperation. "Because...". She sighed and tried again. "Because, sometimes I just want someone to go on nice dates with. Someone to sleep with. Someone to take my thoughts off monsters and demons. Ian did that, okay? Yeah, he had a temper, and yeah we fought a lot and yeah, he wasn't a nice person. But I needed the nice stuff he did do. I don't do one night stands like you or Sam do, I just don't like them. I crave intimacy but it's not exactly easy to maintain a relationship when you're in our line of business. Ian was the best I could do".

"You don't need Ian". He wiped away yet another tear that fell from her eye, his hand lowering to linger on her neck.

"Well it's definitely over now". She sniffed and crossed her arms. "I'll just deal with being lonely again until someone else comes along, however far away that's going to be".

"What kind of intimacy do you need?" He asked, gazing into her eyes.

"What?"

"Tell me, tell me what you need".

"I just... I dunno. I need emotional intimacy. Someone to rant to about all the crap I'm feeling, someone to text when I'm feeling lonely, someone to say goodnight to. Someone to go on picnics with and laugh with and cry with. And I need the physical intimacy too. I want someone to want me, to desire me. I want to hold hands, cuddle up to a movie, wake up in someone's arms. I want someone to kiss me like they need me and make love to me like they want it more than anything". She looked away from him, feeling even more embarrassed about this confession. "Yeah, it's stupid considering I'm a hunter, but it's the truth".

"What if you could get that here?"

"What do you mean?" She frowned at him, confused. He shifted in his seat so he was facing her straight on.

"I mean, what if you could get the emotional intimacy and..." He cleared his throught, a light tinge on pink appearing beneath his freckles. "And the uh.. physical intimacy, right here?"

"What are you talking about Dean? Right here?"

"From me". Her eyes widened as she watched his face for any sign of a poorly timed joke, but he remained serious. "I can give you those things if you want them. I want them".

"You want to listen to me rant?"

"Yes".

"And... text me?"

"Yes, though we're usually in the same place". He chuckled.

"And you want to go on picnics?"

"I already know all of your favourite foods". He nodded.

"And hold my hand?"

"If you offer it to me".

"And cuddle me when watching a movie?"

"We've got the perfect set up in the Dean Cave".

"And... kiss me?"

"Okay". He smiled at her and slid his hand to the back of her neck, glancing down at her lips before leaning in slowly, giving her a chance to pull away. She didn't, she just looked down at his lips, her eyes closing right before the small gap between them closed. He pressed his lips to hers. He sighed as though he'd just sunk into a hot bath, or taken his boots off after a long day, it was instant comfort. She dropped her hands to his thigh, feeling the solid and powerful muscle below the denim. His free hand came to rest on her hip, his fingers dipping under her shirt to graze her bare skin. She shivered slightly at the contact before sliding one of her hands up his thigh, smiling into the kiss as she felt him shiver too.

Their mouths opened at the same time, Dean groaning as his tongue slipped into her mouth, his grip on her hip tightening while his other hand pushed up into her hair. He pulled her hair gently, [Y/N] moaning as their kiss broke. He used the opportunity to kiss her bottom lip, then her cheek, down her jaw and settling into her neck, where he left open mouthed kisses, allowing his hand to glide further up under her shirt until his fingers were resting underneath her bra. She trailed her hands up his shirt and over his shoulders and up his neck until they stopped at his jaw, his light stubble tickling the palms of her hands. "Dean". She whispered and he mumbled into her neck, the vibrations pulling a soft moan from her. "You want to sleep with me?"

He pulled away from her neck and pulled his hand out from under her shirt, both of his hands now cupping her face too. He gently pecked her nose, revelling in the little giggle she made before leaning his forehead against hers and breathing in deeply. "I want to make love to you, [Y/N]. I want to wake up with you in my arms. I want to give you everything you need".

"What do you need?" She asked, her voice slightly shaky, not quite believing the conversation she was having with Dean Winchester.

"You. I need you".

"You have me". She whispered. She wasn't sure how all of this was going to work, but in that moment she needed Dean and Dean needed her, everything else could wait.

The end

[lambmotifz]

can’t believe there’s still people who get angry at the fact that wincest shippers exist when the show’s creator openly said he puts homoerotic subtext between brothers

[acecroft]

SUPERNATURAL 3.08

[tiktaalic]

bi dean-ers looking upon the gay dean landscape of 2023....... we used to rule this town

bi deans still run this town they've just issued a ceasefire. which is what gay dean truthers were fighting and dying for the whole time .. after years of dying in civil war our government has acquiesced to our demands of being able to say gay dean openly. in the streets. you are no longer restricted to the privacy of your discord server. you no longer run the risk of being shot where you stand for saying the words gay dean. peace and love. on planet earth

[soullessjack]

lord knows I do not have the capacity to explain it right now but I have so much disdain for how heteronormative and nuclear this fandom is hellbent on making destiel and lord knows I have an even bigger hatred for how jack is used to fuel it.

[thatsveryood]

HAPPY (derogatory) NOV 5TH!

Happy 3 years of suffering together friends!! I've put together some of my fave post-finale(ish) fics in honor of the day, so we may all suffer some more together.

i want to do with you (what spring does with cherry trees) by @sobsicles 74.1k - grief/mourning, (temporary) character death a bit of retconning of the last few seasons of spn - what if dean realized sooner during the widower arc how he felt about cas? how would it all play out? sobsicles always throws me for a loop but this one in particular always gets me sobbing (heh)

All I Want for Christmas by Shadows_Keeper 12.6k - grief/mourning, (temporary) character death, paramedic!dean ft. dean getting to live his damn life after cas goes to the empty and sam/eileen have a family 🥺

now the weight of the world ain't so bad by the_oncoming_stormageddon 9.8k - fluff, getting together but dean is dumb about it in which cas and dean are together except dean doesn't realize it yet

Proverbs 13:12 by starlingcas (@angelcasendgame) 16.3k - literally stuck in a tree, s14 coda, (temporary) character death, they're best friends ur honor that's it, they're literally stuck in a tree and are huge adorably in-love dorks about it 🥺 takes place during s14 but then picks up after the finale which thank goodness

Kingdom Come by ahurston 17.3k - road trip reunion cas comes back 🥺 he and dean drive home and talk (and other things)

and you can use my skin by unicornpoe 5.3k - touch-starved dean, it's so unbearably soft i love it cas comes home and dean can't stop touching him (and i can't stop screaming/crying)

on the sixth day by fleeceframe 5.2k - grief/mourning, heavy drinking “You prayed my name to every angel in Heaven for six days straight.”

take the bones, begin anew by JustStandingHere (@sightofsea) 103k - idiots in love, building a home with your buddy~, stoner!cas in which dean is a huge dummy in love and is working through so so much repression, but he and cas build a home together 🥺

things happen (they do, they do, and they do) by @sobsicles 27.9k - repressed!dean, human!cas, cas stands for casanova another sobsicles bc i'm always wrecked! by! their! fics!!!!! cas comes back and dean is totally normal about it - because it's normal to mourn how straight you are so bc if only you weren't straight so you could make your best friend happy 🙃

ascend by quiettewandering (@wanderingcas) 53.3k - grief/mourning, angst with a happy ending, seriously be prepared for the angst chuck's story can't be changed - or can it? the fantastical ending to a beautiful love story that we deserved!! i cannot tell you enough how much i love this fic, so many chills throughout and that ending haunts me in a good way

hope you enjoy these fics (or enjoy re-reading them!). also if you want to get a destiel is canon pin to celebrate the day and take them off my hands, pls do