#angst because I like to suffer 🙃

[rdng1230]

Any SalTommy headcanons?

Thanks for the ask I have literally So many! ok I’m putting these into categories. The first is happy fluffy fun, the second and third is something I’ll probably have to discuss in therapy next week 🙃. For reals, I almost deleted those last paragraphs because here this nice person has come to my ask box and my brain has decided to reciprocate with the most hurt no comfort shit it’s ever concocted. Ok happy stuff first!

Saltommy as besties:

they are attached at the hip and their two favorite activities are Muay Thai and action movie marathons. At some point they get overly into the Guy Ritchie British gangster type movies and Hen has to institute a “stupid British accent” jar for the two of them.

Tommy and Sal don’t hang out that often once they leave the 118. But Tommy is ride or die for Sal’s daughter. He’s the fun uncle that isn’t constantly there but when he is he does something insanely awesome like build her a treehouse or a bottle cannon or something.

The reason Gina dragged Sal to twilight was because she is bisexual and just as into Kristen Stewart as he is. When Tommy *finally* comes out it’s actually Sal that suggests Gina take Tommy to his first pride. Sal stays at home with his daughter so Tommy and Gina end up having a very fun and alcohol filled night a la the bachelor party that wasn’t. (goddammit I think I just gave myself another fic in the series to write.)

k well that’s enough happiness this is about to get insanely angsty for no fucking reason besides apparently that my brain wants me to suffer today. If your brain does not desire to feed the angst demon inside of you, for the love of god stop reading now. I will NOT be offended because I wrote the damn thing and I think I took it too far. Also it gets a lil NSFW from here.

Evil toxic fucked up Saltommy:

Tommy’s fucked up dad and then fucked up army superiors and then fucked up captain Gerrard taught tommy he was safer following the big tough guy. He knows Sal is bad for him, knows Sal doesn’t love him, but he figures being useful is good enough when he knows he won’t be wanted. He lets Sal take more than he should, usually discreet hand/blowjobs in the showers or broom closet (yeah the metaphor isn’t lost on him)

They have a horrible call where the one person they did manage to rescue suddenly codes in the ambulance. A version of Sal that Tommy’s never seen before shows up at Tommy’s house. It’s the only time Sal ever lets Tommy fuck him and after it’s over, Tommy holds him and runs his hand through Sal’s hair. They fall asleep together but when Tommy wakes up Sal is long gone. The following week Sal is absolutely vicious to everyone. He ends up getting hurt and Tommy patches him up. As Tommy sterilizes a wound just above his eye, Sal grabs his arm and stares at him. It’s an apology, and it’s also an ending. Tommy still follows Sal, always one pace behind, but they’re never intimate again.

Idk I guess doomed lovers Saltommy? Sal’s not as much of a monster but they’re still not healthy:

There’s always a heat to Tommy and Sal’s banter and Tommy genuinely wonders if someday Sal might tip them into something more. One of the 118 probies dies and Sal on some level believes it’s his fault. The night of the probies funeral Sal’s just numb and Tommy suggests Sal crash his couch. Tommy hates seeing Sal in pain like that and hovers in front of the bedroom door wondering if he should go to him. He’s shocked when Sal opens the door and suddenly they’re in Tommy’s bed. He’s surprised by how cuddly Sal is. (And if you’re like hey that sounds a bit like Booth & Brennan shhhhh you saw nothing)

after that they start sneaking around. At this point Gerrard is gone and they’re in the revolving door of captains stage. Tommy starts talking about potentially telling Hen and Chim, and Sal just knows deep in his gut that Tommy is the braver of the two of them, and Sal won’t be ready in the time Tommy needs him to be. Sal starts picking fights hoping Tommy will run off on his own. Eventually they do stop seeing each other romantically but Tommy’s still so *close* it’s driving Sal insane. He wants to run away with him and he wants to run away from him at the same time. When Bobby shows up and doesn’t know his ass from his elbow a lot of the time, Sal let’s all that anger and tension bubble up, on some level he knows he can’t bring himself to leave Tommy, so he pushes Bobby into sending him away by force.

After he moves to the 122 he buries himself in the work. He makes captain, even starts dating men, but still in the shadows. He hears through the grapevine that Tommy is dating the 118’s hotshot. He sees a photo of Tommy and Buck at the medal ceremony in the morning paper, looking so obviously head over heels for one another, and it’s the first and only sick day as a captain he ever takes.

[moonspirit]

Hello congrats on your new chapter.

My mind has been off thinking again about sad attack on titan head cannons and I thought I’ll share and get your opinion on it.

So I don’t know about u but I imagine that shifting is painful. Extremely painful.

This obviously is a source for lots of angst, like the people they made into pure titans, so many people who were forced to endure extreme pain during their last award moments.

But what really makes me sad is the kids, the kids turned into pure titans either to be a warrior or just as a cruel punishment. Possibly being tied down as they naturally scream and squirm in fear and pain.

We know that Annie was one of the younger candidates in her generation of warriors and if this followed would this have happened to her? It seems like such a fear filled event that even her “cold” mask will break revealing a raw and genuine state of fear.

If she was tied down, this added to the trama of the crystal how would it affect her? Also having to be held down as they test her regenerative abilities (which likely would have been retested again and again as the female Titan can gain abilities from other titans)

What about the other warriors how would it affect them? Do they all have a big fear of needles? If they need a vaccine or blood test how will they react?

Armin was unconscious so he likely wouldn’t have this issue or at least not to the same extent. How will he help Annie and the others though?

What about jean and Connie? How will they help if at all?

Anyway, I hope u enjoyed your break and welcome back ❤️ make sure u take care of yourself

Ahhhhh hello! I'm so sorry I sat on this for a while T^T i needed to think about it. Hope you don't mind~

This is somewhat related to an ask you sent in a while ago, yes but let's dive a bit deeper into the ✨body science✨ of it.

(this is all just me speculating based on aot lore)

Since the Hallucigenia attached itself to Ymir's spine when she first came in contact with it, that is where the power of the Titans lives, and we already knew this even before S4. The nape, then, is an extremely sensitive and vulnerable spot for titans and shifters alike, being the area in the body that carries shifting power. The other things we know about the Hallucigenia are that it can change its own size and shape, it can influence the size and structure of other things in its vicinity, and it is capable of acting on its own under threat when there is no host to protect it.

I'm going to go and headcanon, then, that the Marleyan military preferred to inject their warrior candidates with titan serum directly into the spine (as opposed to just the general area on back of the neck as we already know) to maximise the effects of shifter power once the inheritance ritual gets complete.

Spinal injections, that is, without anaesthetic.

This would've required tying down the warrior candidates because they, being extremely young children, would've been prone to immense terror and fear only made even worse by their harsh lives and brutal training regimens. Post-inheritance, once the military began to conduct their experiments on the warriors' regeneration abilities and specialized skills, it would only have been yet another set of nightmares to live through. So no doubt; needles, tourniquets, medical equipment and "tests" terrify the surviving warriors, even long after the Rumbling.

What I want to focus on specifically is the process of shifting in itself. Back to the Hallucigenia's abilities, I feel it could be possible that once the power of the Titans was imbued into a person, it would cause them to suffer physical pain for a week at the very minimum. The neck especially, would hurt like hell. Sometimes it hurts enough that the head cannot be lifted, pushed down into a deep bend for days together.

And we all know how much it sucks to have neck pain, don't we 🙃🥲 ?

The Hallucigenia then, stretching to accommodate to the specific warrior's height and build; sending body temperature soaring as it spreads through the bloodstream; shooting sharp daggers of pain into muscle and flesh in preparation to generate and connect large bodies of giants; tingling and burning beneath the surface of the skin while branching out into a million little fibrous tendrils for every nerve ending and synapse to facilitate seamless movement...

There you have it; the reason why shifting is so painful.

I really like this actually, because we so often see the shifters regenerating lost limbs and healing from serious wounds seemingly without much pain - but it turns out, shifting IS a hugely painful experience, both in the beginning and every time afterwards.

I see every warrior having to suffer through this experience, and it affecting them badly for the rest of their lives to come. At such a young age when children usually look toward older figures for some comfort from any kind of pain, here you have a bunch of kids being forced into enduring mind-numbing levels of pain with very little in the way of reassurance.

Following the hc that the warriors were injected directly into the spine, Armin is spared this particular degree of pain since he was injected elsewhere (we assume Levi injected him in the arm, the other common place to give the serum). But he would still suffer from the other pains of the shifting ability.

I think it's easy to forget that Jean and Connie did actually turn into titans for a brief amount of time; while I don't know if they would've experienced any pain seeing as it was the Hallucigenia's smoke that caused them to turn, but it's interesting to think about the pains they would experience Post-Rumbling, if any.

And ofc: there is the comforting to be received from each of the Ambassadors, to one another T//////T

Thank you so much for sending this in! I loved thinking about this and diving into some made up titan science!!!!

[itsclydebitches]

Let's tally things up, folks!

Ruby's entire depression arc is "resolved" by a one sentence exchange wherein she just... decides she's better now? 'Is this the message?' Ruby asks, on her knees in front of a not at all subtle broken piece of glass. 'That I'm just supposed to give up?' and then literally the next moment she sees Crescent Rose, the weapon she's been flinching from because it represents all the failures she hasn't actually grappled with this season, and decides that depression and suicidal ideation are for losers. Let's go fight a randomly evolved cat!

The group still doesn't care about Ruby's Volume-long struggle. What are you talking about, evil kitty? Ruby's never been confused, or weak, or feeling like she's broken. We're oblivious to all that. That's why we follow her, because we can easily ignore everything that's going on in her life and instead just focus on ourselves. Didn't she have a breakdown a couple of hours ago about having to lead all the time? Should we really be announcing the moment she steps out of the tree that we expect her to be in charge again? ... nah, it's fine!

I guess the overall message is that any and every horrific act is excusable because you're just being yourself? Sorry we doomed a Kingdom and have actively helped Salem in trying to take over the world. The horrors we've enacted are good things though because it means we're being ourselves.

Ruby is conveniently the only Ascended who retains all her memories. Can't have the protagonist undergoing any kind of actual change, after all.

Neo throws herself into the tree despite that going against every iota of her characterization. Will we ever see her again? Who knows.

Is the blacksmith lady Alyx? I still have no idea.

Jaune is made young again, because of course he is. Love that they act like this is some curse he's suffered from - "It's been so long..." - and not an actual life lived across several decades. If I got stuck somewhere for twenty-ish years and then someone tried to magic me back to my 18 year old self I'd be like wtf? No? I'm not a teenager??? Will the show ever acknowledge that Jaune is actually an old man in a de-aged body now? I doubt it, considering this plot-line had no impact on his personality, skill, or outlook.

Also love that the brothers' story is treated like this wonderful tale of growth and exploration. The blacksmith is going on about how amazing it is that you don't know what you'll get when you create something, tone all fond for the demi-gods that have left her world to toy with new ones, and I just wanted one of the characters to start screaming about all the horrors they've caused. They killed an entire population in one fell swoop and have cursed two individuals for funsies, with the entirety of Remanent permanently under threat of annihilation if they don't meet the Gods' ambiguous standards of unity. Oscar didn't fall into the void because if Ozpin had been there he would have gone feral and attacked the blacksmith with his bare hands.

We're heading back to Remnant and Ruby still doesn't know that Jaune killed Penny! Ruby didn't even get her sword back. Or consider her in the tree therapy session. Why was killing her off necessary again? Oh yeah, Jaune angst🙃

We got a "when you're needed" from the blacksmith, so expect that time-skip in Volume 10. Can't wait to see how much important stuff the story skips over...

Also, this is so minor in the grand scheme of everything else, but I YELLED when Summer admitted that she'd lied about the mission. For nine Volumes these characters have been dragging Ozpin for every problem under the sun including, in Volume 7, for the mysterious disappearance of Summer, only for it to turn out that she LIED about where she was going and on whose orders, setting him up to take the fall when she doesn't come back. Who's going to have Qrow apologize to Ozpin for blaming him for years? Who's going to have Ruby unpack that her whole family is made up of liars and she was foolish to think that anyone, including Ozpin, could survive this war with a completely clean record? Hell, who's going to have Ruby simply tell anyone - including her sister - what she now knows about her mother's death? Not the RT writers, I'd wager.

Especially when they gave us a scene of Summer leaving on what she recognizes may be a suicide mission and leaves a token of affection for one daughter but not the other. Summer is Yang's mom too! Yeeeeeaaah the story is really bad about actually writing that.

Overall this Volume just feels like a colossal waste to me. The story ignored most of what was set up in Volume 8, introduced a world it didn't have time to flesh out, threw in an unnecessarily shocking story line about the hero trying to kill herself, 100% dismissed the ramifications of that, reset everyone so that none of the characters have to actually grow or change, and has now implied that all the plot important stuff - the Atlesians' survival in the desert, trying to ally with Theodore, Salem's next attack on Remnant, the development of most of our B Team, etc. - has occurred off screen.

The only thing this Volume accomplished was getting the bees together, which was something we should have had years ago. That admission hasn't changed their dynamic in any way, or introduced new conflicts (remember, no one cares about Ruby's breakdown, including her correct accusation that Yang has cared more about her girlfriend than her struggling little sister). It's just... there, not queerbaiting anymore, thankfully, but that feels like a very low bar to meet.

2+ months later and all I'm feeling is

[caliawen]

Haunted

Pairing = Glorfindel x Reader

Genre = Teen and up

General ratings = a twinge of angst, fluff, smut implied (?)

Content warnings = smut implied

Word count = 1,4k

Notes = ……hi 🫣 I haven’t posted in a month 🙃 Life has been really busy and I haven’t really had the time (nor the motivation, truthfully) to write. I had a more regular schedule before, but I think for now it will stay… ‘irregular’. I have no idea when or what I will post next. Hope you can understand!

Glorfindel was being haunted. Not by ghosts- no. By the memories of his past life. Of his mistakes. Of his friends. Of their deaths. Of his death. The searing pain of his scalp as he was tugged down and down and down by the Balrog. Of the heat he felt as he fought for his life, for the lives of Idril and Tuor and Eärendil and everyone. His mind replayed those moments over and over, never leaving him a second of peace.

The slight smile of Ecthelion, Rog’s boisterous laugh, Turgon’s exasperation with them, Elgalmoth’s mischievous eyes as he gossiped, Penlod’s hums as he pretended he was listening, Galdor’s excited chatter about the trees and plants he saw, Duilin’s whistles as he walked, Tuor’s love-struck expression as his eyes followed Idril and Maeglin’s shy smile when someone asked him about his work…

Oh, Maeglin… Glorfindel had hated him, for a time. Hated him for giving Gondolin away to Morgoth, giving away their lives.. But that time had passed. In the halls of Námo, Glorfindel had had plenty of time to think before he was reborn. And think he did : about how Maeglin had lost his mother and father. About how his only parental figure was Turgon, who was too busy to really spend time with his nephew. About how he mistook his love for Idril as romantic and not platonic, and how that strained his friendship with her and Tuor. About how rumors spread that Maeglin was a vile being. About how none of them did anything to defend him. About how lonely Maeglin must have been.. About what impossible horrors he felt at the hands of Morgoth and Sauron. About how they never saw how broken Maeglin had returned. About how he didn’t care if he died anymore.

Yes, Glorfindel had thought, Maeglin had done something wrong. And he forgave Maeglin for what he had done, because Maeglin had been a child. A child who needed to be guided and shown love, but no one had stepped up to take up the role.

He thought about you. About your smile, your eyes, your nose. About the way you moved, how you talked and your passions. And he ached. Because he didn’t know what happened to you. He didn’t know if you had died, if you had suffered or if you were still alive. If you had moved on from him.. And that haunted him. His every waking thought, his every dream and nightmare.

Sometimes, Glorfindel dreamed of you. He dreamed that you were laying in his bed, in Gondolin, smiling at him. That you carded your fingers through his hair and told him that you loved him. And when he woke up, his heart ached and he did not know whether to thank or curse Irmo.

Glorfindel had a mission. He was going back to Arda Marred. And he found himself dreading going back. Dreading seeing how everything had changed and how the language had evolved. Dreading how no one he knew would be there. How he would be alone. At least in Valinor, he saw his mother and father. He found himself crying when he realized he did not remember what being embraced by his parents felt like. They took care of him and he couldn’t be more grateful to have them.

When Glorfindel departed, he stood looking at Valinor until it had been long since out of view. He stood still, wondering if he was dreaming. He thought, how ironic, for he was going back. Not anyone else. Him. Laurëfindelë Glorfindel, an emissary of the Valar, granted powers nearly as strong as that of the Maiar. And he didn’t want to go back. Nienna wept for him, for his sacrifice, for his fear and for his love. He found himself appreciating her understanding. She visited him, before he departed. He listened to her words, without understanding : “Dear Child, your heart is being haunted. Your mind is playing tricks on you, and your heart is rendered blind by your pain. But your gut, your gut is still there and strong. Follow it, follow what it tells you. But do not silence your heart and mind for it, listen to them. Listen, but do not follow.”

~~~

When Glorfindel arrived in Middle Earth, he did not know where to begin. He was tired, but could not sleep. He thought about you. About your lips on his, about your laugh, about your hands in his, about the ring he had passed on your finger. He thought and thought and thought. And his heart ached. He walked on paths and in forests, stopping to wash himself in rivers. And he despaired.

It was later that he found Lindon. Days later. Or weeks, he did not know. He met Elrond, someone who would confuse and amuse him for the rest of their lives. Part man, part elf, part maia. He wore the insignias of Fingolfin and Fëanor with pride, daring anyone to confront him about it. He was a gentle soul with a heart of gold and the patience of the wise. He was as kind as summer and Glorfindel found himself basking in his presence, like a flower who had grown up in shadow feeling the sun on itself for the first time.

Círdan was surprisingly mischievous. Subtle jokes, sarcasm and deadpan looks were all things he threw at others, uncaring if they understood or not. He was calm, but could easily terrorize anyone with his anger, like the sea. Board games were his favorite and Glorfindel spent time playing with him, thinking of strategies to beat the older elf.

Gil-Galad was as confusing as he was funny. His father was unknown and he liked to joke around about it. Glorfindel spent time with him when they could, talking about everything and nothing. When Gil-Galad felt Glorfindel starting to lose himself in memories, he would randomly tell a stupid joke. They made Glorfindel laugh each time.

Celebrimbor had been a bit weary at first. Glorfindel almost laughed at the memory of a small Curufinwë Tyelpërinquar staring at him with the exact same look. It wasn’t long until they became great friends. Celebrimbor understood : he, too, was haunted by his past actions and words. Maybe for different reasons than Glorfindel, but the important thing was that he related to how Glorfindel felt. Having his feelings validated was something that alleviated the pain in Glorfindel’s heart.

~~~

Glorfindel walked around Lindon aimlessly and leisurely, taking his time to look around. You haunted him. Everything he saw reminded him of you. From pretty rocks you would have collected, passing by a stand selling your favorite fruit, to someone wearing clothes the exact color of your eyes. His mind played tricks on him, making him imagine hearing your laugh or seeing your beautiful hair swaying in the wind.

He stopped walking at a bookstore, a feeling bubbling up inside him. He looked at the door, curious. His gut screamed at him to enter that store, for some reason. His mind dismissed the feeling, but his heart held hope. They warred against each other. And then, Glorfindel was reminded of Nienna’s words to him. And he went inside the store.

Inside the store, which was cozy and homey, he felt pulled towards a particular bookshelf. His breath hitched as his mind reeled to a stop, his heart pumping wildly. There you stood, browsing the shelf while smiling. Feeling observed, you turned your head, your eyes widening as you saw Glorfindel, your husband, your soulmate, standing there. Glorfindel was frozen, his mind scrambling and heart singing with joy. You were the one to make the first move, throwing yourself in his arms, ecstatic. Glorfindel hugged you back, a sense of wholeness overtaking his mind and body as he kissed you long and passionately.

The two of you spent hours upon hours talking, laughing, crying and hugging. This long-awaited reunion was a balm on Glorfindel’s bruised and battered heart. That night, under the stars, in a magnificent glade full of flowers, you rekindled your fëas. Glorfindel made love to you slowly and passionately, kissing every piece of skin revealed as he undressed you, worshiping your body with his hands and mouth. That night, in your arms, Glorfindel had no nightmares. He woke up to your sweet voice and felt free. Free of the thing that haunted him. And he smiled.

End notes : Hope you enjoyed! Reblogs, comments & likes are extremely appreciated 🫶

@theladyvanya

[ellie-shy]

INQUISITOR IS COMING BACK. AND I AM PANICKING.

I am scared. Happy because of the updated graphics for my inqy but mostly... CONCERNED.

Y'all... I need to get this out of my system. Inquisitor is doomed. Like, doomed. Did you remember what they did to Hawke vs Alistair in the fade? I have a hunch BW will do the same to Inquisitor.

But, perhaps, there might be some conditions before things about to go down. I'm listing (in my opinion) the conditions that may affect the probability of Inquisitor's survival :

1. Did they drink from the Well of Sorrows? If they did, do they still hear the whispers for the past 10 years? 🤯 What will happen if they didn't drink? What will happen to Morrigan? KIERAN???? I feel so strongly about this. Because this is the Inquisitor's DIRECT connection to Solas/Evanuris.

2. What is their race? I don't feel good if they are elves, dwarves or qunaris 😭 Their relation with the Evanuris, Titans and Dragons are... I shudder to think. Like, what if because of the titans, the dwarven inquisitors got magic? What if the non-mage elven inquisitors start fireballing after the veil is torn? Aaaaaa???

3. Are they in good terms with Solas? I don't think this will have a direct effect tho. Even in Trespasser, even when Solas hates you, he still took your arm lol.

4. Are they a mage? Yeah, with the veil and stuff, I feel like mages will be very sensitive. I don't want to say it but... possible abomination? 🫠

5. Solas knows the Inquisitor. He knows every flaw and strength. Mind you, he is a God. Inquisitor is... well, just a somebody. Even after defeating Corphy... are they able to level themselves with Fen'Harel? I'm scared.

6. I want to remind everyone, we are playing as Rook, not the Inquisitor. Inquisitor is not the main hero here. This is Rook's spotlight, not the Inquisitor. This matter alone makes me shiver 🫠🫠🫠

I am both excited AND scared the moment it has been confirmed that Inquisitor will be in Veilguard.

BUT ALSO. Even if the Inquisitor will die... we have a Necromancer. 2 Necromancers. Emmrich and... Magister Dorian Pavus, friend or lover of the Inquisitor. Please let the angst sink in.

I am VERY attached to my Inquisitors... I'm happy and scared, Bioware 🙂🙃

(please take this rant with a grain of salt, but feel free to stoke the fire, because I love suffering :) )

[warmmilk-n-honey]

Ok part 2 of my dadbastian vampire au...

Seb is actually surprised that Ciel survived the transformation since he's tiny and Seb has never known of another child vampire. Sebastian also kind of lucks out finding out that his new charge was the son of a wealthy nobleman, now he gets to live in a giant manor! Before he was just kinda hopping around mostly living in like the woods, he's a very skilled shape shifter and was kind of feral before he started playing at being a fancy noble.

Seb is an extremely old vampire and is therefore pretty dang powerful.

Ciel adjusts to being a vampire poorly at first, he is just a baby after all and he's still grieving his family and dealing with his trauma. He does start to enjoy his un-life a bit though as he realizes he can take out his rage and trauma on adults, he can make adults suffer and he doesn't have to feel like a helpless child anymore, he likes feeling powerful. He develops quite the sadistic side which Sebastian can't help but feel pride for.

Ciel has a hard time sleeping in his coffin at first because of nightmares :( (Even though these vampires are physically dead when they sleep they still can dream.)

Sebastian has to teach him to be an earl and a vampire at the same time and he realizes he has his work cut out for him. He's definitely teaching his son all the wrong lessons just like in the manga.

Ciel is by no means powerful by vampire standards since he's so young, and needs Seb to help him with hunting most of the time-they eat the intruders trying to attack the manor.

Ciel starts to act like he doesn't care about his dead human family and this revenge thing is just a game to him, but deep down he misses them a lot. He also acts this way when Madam Red dies, not only because he's the dysfunctional sonboy we all know and love, but because he feels like he should be more detached from humanity and in many ways he is. Ciel also has a soft spot for the Midfords, though when he saw them for the first time after he turned it was rlly difficult for him to not eat them. He especially wants to protect Lizzy and keep her from knowing his true nature.

Ciel is also extremely gluttonous for blood and his hunger is difficult for Sebastian to satiate, his love for sweets transferred to a to a love for fresh blood :)! He grumbles about being hungry all the time and Seb has to warn him about feeding on conspicuous victims.

Queen Victoria actually knows about Sebastian and Ciel's nature but doesn't rlly care since having powerful undead creatures at her disposal doing her bidding is nice for her. (I mean she employed a 10 year old, what's stopping her from employing a vampire? Also because John Brown may or may not be a vampire...)

Being the queen's guard dog also provides more food for our vampires, they have an agreement with Victoria that they are allowed to eat the criminals they subdue instead of turning them into to the Yard.

While Ciel enjoys parts of undead existence, he did not think through becoming a vampire and really just wants to die for real. He hates being stuck in the body of a 10 year old and it's a great source of angst for him. He has also not properly dealt with his grief and trauma, and being a little sadist isn't actually good therapy for him, who would have thought!

He openly resents Sebastian for turning him, which Seb's dismissive response is always "well you chose this.🙄"

Their relationship is quite toxic like it is in the manga, the differences being that Seb doesn't have to be fake nice since he's not playing the butler role, and that he does deep down begin to care deeply for Ciel as his son.

On the one hand Seb regrets turning Ciel because he sees how much pain he goes through, but on the other hand he does like having this little thorn in his side around. He's still kinda abusive tho and their relationship is complicated, Ciel has slit Sebastian's throat on occasion, y'know how it is, kids🙃

Ciel also deep down feels attachment to Sebastian as a parent, but he would never admit it out right.

Ciel is lowkey planning to off himself after he gets his revenge but Sebastian hasn't rlly told him how to do it, they are weaker during the day and direct sunlight hurts, but it doesn't destroy these vampires (neither does fire). Ciel thinks Sebastian won't tell him because he's an asshole and won't tell him important vampire information, but the truth is simply that Seb doesn't want his son to kill himself, and doesn't want his son kill him! (Ciel would never actually kill Seb if he knew how, but these two suck at communicating their true feelings so...)

Also in this au all of the reapers are actually vampires-so vampire Grelle! (side note I've always seen the reapers as sort of vampiric especially when you consider certain vampire myths that say people who commit suicide become vampires!)

[thegoldencontracts]

Tw: vent

God I made this vent post on reddit about how a series annoys me and then some person commented that the post was a pain to read and my writing is annoying.

Which, ughhh I feel so stupid and whiny rn because that's genuinely making me feel bad about my writing even though I know I was just making a vent post and the quality of that doesn't reflect my usual writing quality but still that actually made me feel bad ughhh 🙃

And now I'm feeling like a whiny bitch T_T

Anyways if you have Azul angst ideas come help me out here I'm feeling like making him suffer to cope lol

[quiet-nocturne]

so friday the 13th this year was absolutely unlucky for me.

tw: mentions of animal/pet death below the cut

not only was I sick with a shitty head cold, we brought one of our cats to the vet as we'd noticed he'd suddenly started walking funny - kind of a waddle in his back legs? we thought he'd injured himself.

turns out he had organ failure and his stomach was FULL of fluid. It was beyond the point that they could do anything, and the vet said he had anywhere between 1 day - a week left.

and from when we noticed the issues with his walking up until Saturday morning, he noticeably declined. Became very listless, not acting like himself, mostly just sitting, etc., so we made the choice to put him down to ease his suffering on Saturday morning.

he was the best boy, and such a sweetheart. he truly would be best friends with any human he'd meet. he'd chirp all the time, he knew how to headbutt my fist whenever I held it out to him (he'd even jump to do it), he'd nibble your knee or back of your calf when he wanted something, he was obsessed with cheese (to the point that he knew the sound of the package being open/taken out of the fridge, and would immediately come screaming for cheese), and he was the best cuddler in the entire world.

it's just shitty because he was twelve (turning thirteen in October), but he seemed so spry and young still. we had no idea he was sick; he hid it. It was just so sudden. We have two other cats (one who was his literal blood sister, from the same litter, and another cat as well who clearly looked up to him as her big brother), and they were both very close to him. we brought them along to sniff him after he had passed, but I'm still not sure they understand.

pics below of Arty (his nickname, short for Artemis - he's the big tabby), his sister Luna (the tuxedo - they were named after Artmeis and Luna from Sailor Moon), and our other cat, Freya (fluffy, petit tabby).

anyways this weekend sucked and I'm going to take out my feelings in a Riza angst fic. 🙃

[moonjxsung]

STAR I LOVE YOU OH MY GOD 😭 I absolutely loved every word of Begged & Borrowed, I LOVED how you slipped in references to the song and how well you integrated them into the story 🥹 It was truly everything I could’ve hoped for and more 🩷

I love angst and you delivered oh MY GOD did you deliver. I was crying at one point because I was so sure you were going to listen to my stupid ass self when I said I’d be okay with a sad ending and give me this sad ending when I was already so invested and I was ready to go to sleep crying. Like I was so sure Minho was just going to accept his life as the other man like that damn Lana del Rey song and I was PISSED I WAS READY TO COME CRYING AT YOU EVEN THOUGH I LOWKEY ASKED FOR IT.

And then it felt like things were finally going to be okay only for you to break my heart again because what do you mean they’re leaving each other’s lives there are people who are dying (me). And I was picking at my nail polish the entire end half like I was so ready to throw my phone at the wall. I had to get up and get wine for myself too cause of all that wine talk during the fic and I was craving it atp 🙃 AND EVEN AT THE ENDING YOU MADE ME SUFFER THINKING HE WAS JUST GONNA WALK OUT STAR WHAT THE FUCASTHSAASHSFHFDBSASFH.

Really only your writing here on Tumblr can make me feel all this shit that published novels do (sometimes not even books do it for me). I absolutely love your writing so much I wanna kiss you and give you Han Jisung wrapped up in a bow for Christmas, thank you so much for writing this. I also highkey wanna go to Shirakawa now 🥲

Anyways this is an egregiously long ask/review(?). Just wanna say I love your writing again. And thank you again for accepting my silly request and making it something so beautiful 🥲🩷 I love you 🩷

~🌷~

Oh I am SO glad you loved it!!! 🥹🫶 I’m so glad you caught the references to the song in there too! I mentioned it earlier but I can’t stop listening to it 😭🫶 fun fact I actually meant to take your advice and make it a sad ending but I literally COULD NOT bring myself to do it bc I just wanted redemption for Minho’s character so bad 😭

This one was super fun to write and I literally remember the moment I got the notification when I was at the gym and thinking to myself “yup this one’s going to be fun” and how right I was 🫶💓

Thank you for this lovely review and for taking the time to read and request and ALL the lovely things you’ve been on this blog!! My day is always brightened with your messages and I can’t wait to continue publishing more stuff for you all in the new year ❤️ take care of yourself, sending you so much love!! (Also I want to to go Shirakawa too 🥲 new bucket list item)

[xxcherrycherixx]

Never seen she-ra but I wanna hear the rant

Ok so

While she0ra as a show seems to have a pretty sweet goal of normalising people and relationships that aren’t the norm, it does something that i cant forgive.

It normalises abuse.

While it constantly shows us that shad0w weavers abuse is bad, it somehow then completely tries to erase all of catr0as abuse of ad0ra.

Cat0ra abused ador0a. Theres nothing you can say against that. She abused her emotionally, verbally and physically. She took every encounter after their split as a chance to hurt ad0ra as much as she could and enjoyed it. She tried to literally kill ad0ra, all because she ‘left’

Now i love toxic yuri and toxic yaoi and just some good angst in general, and if catrad0ra was just a non canon toxic ship i would probably eat the fuck out of it (ok maybe not, i do have some other issues with the show. *cough* the ableism *cough*)

But the ship is made canon. Cat0ra’s abuse is basically immediately erased by the writers with a shitty ‘redemption arc’ just because they wanted their catrad0ra. Cat0ra is suddenly the perfect girlfriend and wont ever lash out at ad0ra ever again, the two live happily ever after!

Thats not how it works. And that shouldn’t be how you portray that it works to children.

She0ra is a kids show. That is my biggest fucking issue here, if it was a show aimed for adults i wouldn’t give a fuck as much. But this is a show aimed to kids, and they basically just teach the audience that its actually a good idea to keep trying to fix your abuser because maybe it will change them and you can be happy together 💀

When the real lesson they should have taught is that its good to move on from someone who hurt you, that you can and will find other people who care about you without hurting you when you do something they dont like. The best ending would have had ad0ra realising how far this has gone and cutting cat0ra out of her life completely.

The canon ending completely disregards ad0ras trauma, it slaps you in the face and says ‘you thought any of that affected her? Haha she’s she0ra! Why would abuse ever affect her. You’re an idiot for worrying. Abuse? When? I dont remember abuse, shut up and watch her kiss her abuse- i mean her childhood friend 🙃’ it acts like this is the best ending for ad0ra, that this is the relationship she should have. But all i can think about is how she’s likely going to be abused again, what if she decides to break up? Do you really think cat0ra will just say “oh ok, thats fine im sorry it didnt work out” no. This is the woman who spiralled out of control and tried to destroy the world and kill everyone because ad0ra ‘left’ her once before, if ad0ra tried to break up with her its very likely cat0ra will lash out at her again.

Catr0a has a pattern of explosive anger and abuse, dont act like that suddenly has disappeared because shes with ad0ra now.

But the fans and the writers do act like that. They champion the ship as healthy and good representation, they somehow ignore all the abuse ad0ra suffers because they want their lesbians. I kind of understand why it was so big back when the show came out, we had hardly any representation and we clinged onto any we could get. But we have more now, we have representation thats good and healthy- why are people still treating catr0dora as good representation?

Its gross. Its really fucking gross. All i can think about is the young sapphics who watched the show and took away the lesson that they should accept and ‘help heal’ their abusers. It doesnt help that sapphics and other queer people get stuck in abusive relationships quite badly, especially those in areas where the queer community isn’t as large. ‘What if i break up with them and cant find another woman who likes women? I will be alone forever’ while im thankfully not in any abusive relationships, im currently seeing a girl who i don’t really feel a strong connection with. That “if i break up i will be alone” is very much a thought that goes in my head, i dont know other queer women, i dont know queer women who would want to be with me. And so i stick with her, because who else is there for me?

That is what i hate. The normalisation of abuse taught to a group who are already predisposed to accepting abuse.

Anyway support canon wlw ships that actively dont teach abuse is fine-

[midnight-els]

For @tiltedsyllogism 🥰

Inherited Sins is a Lenara POV one shot about her and Sergei's relationship. I put it aside in the run up to S4 but with the Star City news I am so excited to revisit it soon! Sergei is living openly in the US and Lenara is tasked with telling him Margo is alive for Mind Game Reasons. Cue angst about their different relationships to the state, their own relationship, and Lenara's feelings about her role at Roscosmos/as a senior official in the Soviet regime.

Pool Table Case Fic - basic premise is that Phryne investigates a murder with another detective who's Jack's academy best friend. The victim was found on a pool table. Standard post s3/established Phrack shenanigans happen.

I was reflecting recently that I have never published any of my many proper MFMM case fics because I run out of steam on the case bits. This is by far the most developed of those but it's probably only 60-70% done, with the interesting personal bits being finished and the tricky case bits outstanding. It was a really developmental fic for me, taking a lot of the brunt of practice at getting back into fic writing after a few years away, and I do like a lot of the bits in it so I'd love to revisit it when I have time. This time last year I was literally in the middle of doing a big clean up and trimming the case bits back so it could be published when I decided to take a quick break and check out this show called 'For All Mankind' on AppleTV which could surely have no effect on me 🙃

Extracts under the cut

Inherited Sins

“Why, Lenara?” he called from behind her. She stopped, forcing herself back around to face him. “Why what?” “Why this?” “It’s my job.” For the first time in years, Lenara saw Sergei smile. It was barely perceptible, sad and pitying, but she instantly recognised the seeds of that same look he’d always given her when she was being particularly impetuous.  She wanted to smack it from his face. “Do not think I don’t understand,” he said gently. She couldn’t tell whether it was her training or her warring exhaustion and disbelief that stop the instinctive scoff breaking through the surface. Eyes boring into his face, she swallowed harder than she intended to. “On the contrary, you’ve made it quite clear that you don’t.”

Pool Table Case Fic

Snatching her drink back up, Phryne darted in the direction of the back of the house, sensing more than hearing Jack’s sigh as he followed. “No, no Dottie it’s really fine, really. Please don’t -” Hugh was fretting, trying to calm his agitated wife, Mr Butler watching unconvinced, when they entered the room. His left eye was mostly hidden by a rather impressive bruise, with not a little swelling and a cut on his cheekbone to accent it. Poor man, Phryne thought: even as a Senior Constable he still seemed to be suffering the under whims of Melbourne’s crims. “Inspector!” Dot rounded on Jack instantly. Phryne suppressed a smile at his fleeting passing resemblance to a rabbit caught in a headlight. Jack schooled his features into a professional mask and, using an equally official voice, tried to mollify her. “I do apologise for the condition of your husband this evening, Mrs Collins. I’m afraid there was a disturbance at the station, it really couldn’t be helped. I assure you, the situation is in hand now.” “It couldn’t be helped?! Hugh said you had Jenkins arresting a bunch of good-for-nothings. The only thing that boy is capable of arresting is a couple of children who’ve escaped from Catechism!” Phryne again pressed her lips into a thin line, struggling to hold her amusement in. Really, Dot could cow their constabulary counterparts so well they might both as well have been as green as the unfortunate Jenkins.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

I feel like I'm the only one enjoying all this angst here, it hurts so bad but so good! And controversial opinion, I actually don't want everything to get better or hashed out in the next part 👀👀 Maybe cause some more Gojo suffering?? And Rinko lowkey suffering too since it's hard to hold onto anger, but it's so justified and would be so satisfying to see her deny him and to have him panic and feel rejection jfkfkfkd Man I'm sorry everyone but I want this rift to be prolonged, there's just too much good angst here!!

Anyways, love your writing and everything you're doing with it!! Thank you for sharing!

So, while we haven't seen it because we've only had Rinko's perspective so far, Gojo has been suffering! He didn't exactly enjoy the last couple months without his best friend, either 👀 And he was losing his mind because he really didn't want to believe Rinko would ever do anything to hurt him BUT paranoia does things to ya, man 🙃

[dayshipper]

we're getting a jiara centered episode 😭😭😭

I KNOWWWW 😭😭😭😭

I wonder what it's going to focus on! Is it going to take place after they have all returned to the obx and JJ is all alone in his house and Kiara, realising this, goes over there and is there for him? And its about him coming to terms with how he has no family he can count on like the others and Kiara making him see that she is his family and will do anything for him?

I actually think this pic is at JJ's house. And now taking a second look and knowing a lot more, I think that JJ is really suffering here and Kiara is hurting just seeing that. I think it fits in with their facial expressions as well. I think he might be putting himself out there here and she's a bit like JJ are you being serious rn or just hurting. Kinda like how she was with Pope at the beginning when they thought that John B and Sarah were dead. 🙃

OR is the episode going to be about them being from different sides of the track and JJ coming to terms with his feelings for Kiara but inevitably self-sabotaging himself because he can't see the trajectory of his life going any other way than how it ended up for his dad? Then Kiara trying to make him realise that he is not his dad and is exactly the kind of person she knows him to be - loyal, fearless, protective... Or will it be an episode about JJ breaking Kiara out of Blue Ridge and the lengths that he will go to to do this?

Ahh the possibilities are endless! After reading that EW interview I feel so confident that the writers know exactly what they're doing. I like that they are exploring JJ's trauma it makes the characters so much more dynamic and real. I don't want it to be an easy ride for them, I want the angst and the struggle because I think it makes it all the more worth it in the long run. They are very similar people but come from very different backgrounds which I think is what makes them so perfect for each other; they have an inherent understanding of one another because they have similar life views and want freedom and adventure. You can always change what you do with your life but you can't change the qualities that you are born with. Pope and Kie come from similar backgrounds - Pope isn't rich but he comes from a loving and respected family like Kiara. But, they are different people. And we all know how that ended up... 😬

Sorry you didn't ask for this long as post 🥲 but anyways, long story short - we WON!! 😭🥹

[borathae]

I really love Queendom series. I saw Hoseok's story is next month for his bday and same goes to Namjoon, on his bday 😍

We have 5 more months til our lovely moon, Jin is back 🥺 let's have fun with 2 would you rather questions for you Sibi. Sorry for the angst questions (I'm on my period mood for angst 🙃)

1. Would you rather give up your position as the Queen of your Queendom to be with Yoongi, knowing that society would never approve of your forbidden love, or relinquish your claim to the throne and embrace a life of exile, free to love Jungkook openly?

2. Would you rather sacrifice your own happiness to ensure Taehyung's prosperity and marry him off to someone else, or endure the agony of watching Jimin pine for the love that can never be, knowing that you are the cause of his suffering?

I'm so happy that you love it!!! Gosh, the Queendom series is so dear to me :( I'm so excited for Hobi's story!! you guyssss it's gonna be so !!!!

I literally want these months to be over already I need my Jinnie back 😭 it's so close already I can't wait :(( ALSO OMFG I LOVE WOULD YOU RATHER QUESTIONS EHEHEH

whY WOULD YOU BET MY TWO BOYS AGAINST EACH OTHER OMFG I'M CRYING IN THE CLUB 😭😭 I love queendom!yoonkook so much, they're both so precious to me how could I ever fucking decide 😭😭 I think I'll have to think logically here and go with Kook because we could love each other freely and openly. I think the hatred of society would burden me way too much to handle the Yoongi situation forever, imagine just going outside holding hands and someone alrady throws rotten eggs at you. I think it would burden me way too much in the long run, so I'll have to go with Kookie here ✊🏻😔

BRO OMFG THIS ISN'T EASIER FDNSFN part of me is like "what if I am selfish and choose the Jimin option becuase then I won't suffer?" but then part of me is like "sad Jimin :( heart hurty :(" FJJFADS I think I will have to let Taehyung go *cries* BUT ONLY IF I CAN BE WITH JIMIN AND GIVE HIM LOTS OF KISSES >:(

This was so much fun istfg I loved it 💜

[outrunningthedark]

Every time I see someone entertaining the idea of Buck going through with the sperm donation AND then the couple dying AND him being the one to get the baby I am left speechless.

I genuinely thought that that was just a joke in the fandom that we were all in on 🙃 not an actual thing people want to happen (laughs uncomfortably)

Everyone's got their own reasons (I think some people just *really* like to watch Buck suffer in as many ways as possible), but for me? Having Buck go through with the sperm donation and ending up with the baby would feel like the show is co-signing the fandom's belief that Buck *needs* a kid of his own and the family he's built/will continue building with Eddie and Christopher isn't "the same" or "enough" because Christopher doesn't have his DNA.

If a baby is gonna enter Buddie's life, I don't want it to be "dropped in" on them and used a plot device for ~angst~ because "we haven't talked about this" or whatever. I want them to make the decision together. 🤷‍♀️

[rowanisawriter]

WIP…?

…said with the same energy as RIP 😭

thanks for the tag, @zenstrike!! i’m tagging @samseabxrn @nirikeehan @monowires but no pressure :)

here’s what i have brewing, if we want to call haunting my google docs brewing:

battle studies: dragon age, cullen/trevelyan, this is where most of my attention is and i’m almost done! I split it into three smaller pieces and have written 1 and 3. this is definitely the most ambitious fic i’ve written i think.

an unnamed treasure hunter au: also dragon age, cullen/trevelyan, wrote the first chapter to get it out of my system and refocus, then i decided i liked it and want to continue it because i love pain and hate myself 🙃

lore: more dragon age, cullen/trevelyan, i need to be restrained because i can’t stop writing them, but this one is about the inquisitor’s abilities taking a darker turn and the effect it has on their relationship.

fairy tale: more dragon age, amell/alistair, sad little thing about how nothing ever turns out like it does in the books you read when you were young.

your hands were made for holding: finally something other than dragon age, horizon forbidden west fashav/kotallo absolute angst factory.

after: deathloop, charlie/fia, i have had this in the wips since the game came out like two years ago, i want to finish it so bad but it won’t write… so it just gathers dust in the folder and i reread what i’ve got from time to time, suffering in silence.