#another factor is i am sleeping on the couch

[junkie-virus]

i endure the most evils (<- brother watching movie in my vicinity so i cant sleep)

[sleekswosobession]

you don’t have to be perfect

barça fem x teen!reader, lucy bronze x teen!reader

request: here

A/N: also i would just like to say, if anyone has any feedback for my writing it’s greatly appreciated cuz i’m not the best writer ik that but i want to improve.

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It was apart of the contract I first signed with Barcelona that I continue my studies and finish school. Not ideal, but I get by with around 80% and sitting on a B for most my classes. What I didn’t factor in was the amount of stress I would have on top of the League and UWCL games when exams and assignments from 6 different classes were coming up. That’s hard on a 17 year old.

I felt myself start to drift away from everyone in the 2 weeks before mayhem. First it was denying to go out with the younger girls like Salma and Vicky, both of whom understood. Vicky being the same age as me and Salma only 2 years older than us. Then as expectations rose, classes became longer and filled extra information. All the time I wasn't on the pitch, I was studying. Or sleeping. (we dont talk about how even thats being cut down to maximum 5 hours a night).

Living with Lucy meant that she was bound to catch on to what was happening. It was inevitable. She took me under her wing when I first arrived along with some of the older girls and since I don’t speak Spanish natively, I was told to go with Lucy who was told to keep an eye on me. It’s nice, when you don’t want her to worry about how you’re ignoring everyone and have bags under your eyes whenever she sees you. She really does try her hardest to get me to do anything that’s not over analysing and over-studying the numerous topics, but no matter how much it pains me. I always turn her down.

After another night of studying until 2am, there’s an early morning training session and I know I’ve only gotten 4 hours of sleep. If I told the medical staff I’m sure they’d pale.

I’m aware that I probably look like death walking, but it doesn’t bother me. If I pass with above average grades, I’m happy and I know my actual parents will be too. I ignore the concerned looks that Irene and Alexia give Lucy, and get changed ready for the training session.

It’s gruelling, the lack of sleep from the past 2 weeks has finally started to catch up. When I least needed it to. Maybe I am working too hard. It’s too late for that though. I know I’m being watched by the captains, acting for a little bit longer won’t do much harm. Can it?

When the third water break rolls around, I sit on the floor and flop onto my back, closing my eyes. Too tired in the moment to do anything other than breathe. The sunshine above me dulls as Lucy and Alexia stare down at me. When I open my eyes. My captain has a raised brow, while my roommate has her arms crossed.

“Y/N, get up please. Now.” It’s Lucy who speaks first. I don’t give in. What’s their problem?

“No. I am fine where I am thank you very much.” I bite back. Lucy looks like she’s trying to hold herself together and Alexia looks furious. Unconsciously, I sink into myself hoping the ground could swallow me up.

“Nena, we won’t ask again.” The spaniard says, her voice low as she sticks out her hand.

I reluctantly take it, pulling myself up and staring at the two in front of me.

“Come.” Alexia says blankly, leaving no room for argument before walking toward the main building. I sigh, doing as she says or I know I won’t hear the end of it. Lucy trails just behind me, her jaw set and making sure I don’t run away.

When inside I’m placed on a couch, wishing and praying to any extra-terrestrial being that I can leave this confrontation. What is it even about? Why am I here? I’ve done nothing wrong.

“So, we noticed you’ve been pushing people out. You also look dead.” Classic Alexia, straight to the point.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I look away.

“Really? Because when I go to bed, which is around midnight and sometimes 1 if I’m doing other work. Your light is always on. You better fess up now before we make you do extra laps, and clear all the equipment from training.” It’s Lucy this time, starring daggers into me. Still, I don’t let up.

“Maybe I left the light on.” I shrug. “And why do we have to do this right now? I have 2 exams tomorrow. So, if I may. Let’s finish training so I can get to study and do other things.”

“This is exactly what I’m talking about Y/N. You’re deflecting absolutely everything we say. You’re not taking the information in. I get you’re stressed but that doesn’t mean you isolate yourself.” She pauses, sighing deeply. “We are going home right now. You will not touch your school work, this has gone on for long enough. I know Alexia agrees with me.”

“Before you argue, just think. Is this really the best way I could’ve prepared? Yes nail in, do the study for good results. But also remember to utilise the support system you have, the team, the coaches, take a break.” By the end of the rant I feel tears well in my eyes. I feel someone hug me and I can tell who it is by the obscurely large hands.

“Nena, go home with Lucy. Get some rest, and not only will you feel better but it gives your brain a break. When the week is over we can talk more but for now go.” The Catalan smiles warmly. I nod my head saying thanks before walking with Lucy to the car.

“Do you feel alright? You do look very pale.” She places her hands against my face and frowns. “No temperature. I’ll get some food into you and we’ll have a rest day. Just us.” I nod slowly staring out of the window as my mind races.

When we get to the apartment, no conversation is made and I immediately go and take a shower. It’s there that I cry and let all my frustrations out, the stress finally taking its toll on my mind.

When I’m dressed and ready I walk out to the smell of pancakes and Lucy sitting on the couch with Narla next to her. She hears me and turns her head around, eyebrows furrowing at the state I’m in.

She pats the open spot next to her which isn’t taken by the Westie and hands me a plate, which I accept gratefully.

It’s a comfortable silence, but I know she’s waiting for me to say anything. And this time, I do.

“I’m sorry Luce.” My voice is quiet and more high pitched compared to what it normally sounds like.

She smiles lightly.

“Hey, these things happen. You’re smart, just as Alexia said give your mind a rest and you’ll do better. Myself, Keira, the rest of the team only want the best for you and your well-being. Let’s not talk about this now, take it step by step. You’ll be ok.” I nod wiping freshly formed tears as she pulls me into a big hug, giving the rest of her pancake to Narla who eats it happily.

- - - - -

And ok it would be. I end up playing Fifa with Lucy the rest of the day before eventually falling asleep against her. As for the exams, I pass by with good grades and after everything’s done the team takes me out to a restaurant to celebrate. As much as I deny it, this team is the most important thing to me. I love and adore them all so much.

[luverts]

a helping hand - daniel ricciardo

plot: you've always been close friends with Daniel's sister, so when you're asked to babysit one night, how can you say no? while you're babysitting, daniel makes a surprise visit, unaware that you'd be over. you and daniel have never gotten along, but can you suck it up for one night?

pairings: daniel ricciardo x reader warnings: language. light angst. smut. praising. unprotected. both!receiving. light fluff. word count: 1.8k

disclaimer: some aspects were made up for the sake of this. no thoughts: just daniel being good with kids. like and reblog!!!

“Well, isn’t this a surprise?”

You never shut a door so fast. Right outside of Michelle’s home was her stupid and smirking brother. Daniel held gift bags for his niece and nephew while you held back curse words as the kids ran up to the door, asking who it was.

“Come on, y/n, I barely see them,” he pleaded from the other side of the door, and you had to take a deep breath before making your next move.

You mumbled a ‘for fucks sake’ before opening the door. “Don’t expect anything nice from me again.” You averted eye contact with the driver as he walked in with the energy of a 5-year-old.

“Uncle Daniel!” The kids couldn’t help but squeal when they saw their uncle. But which kid wouldn’t when there are presents involved? You couldn’t deny the cuteness factor when he dropped the bags to pick up the two giggling children, but you weren’t there to watch Daniel’s uncle skills; you were there to help Michelle.

"Alright, Isabella has to go to bed. Keep an eye on Isaac in the meantime, would you?"

“See, what would you do without me?” Daniel spoke in a way that made his nephew burst into laughter as you picked up the little girl and headed off to put her to sleep.

You rolled your eyes at his comment. “Keep the noise down and try not to excite him too much while you’re at it. He’s next.”

“You got it, boss.”

After 30 minutes of trying to get Isabella to sleep, you quietly tiptoed out of the room, exhausted and desperate to get the little boy to bed so that you could get some rest.

You were ready for another half hour of suffering when the first thing you saw in the living room was Isaac asleep on the couch, in his uncle's arms, while Daniel watched TV. For a second, you felt grateful that the driver was there until you noticed the mess of new race car toys on the floor that you would have to clean up.

Daniel’s eyes shifted to you as he watched you walk in and kneel to the ground to clean up the toys. “I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.”

You were surprised to hear his voice but even more startled by the rough, tiredness of it and convinced yourself that you must be overly exhausted too since his tone made you feel some way.

You ignored him, continuing to put the toys in the bag. “It’s fine. You should probably get going anyway.”

“You sure?”

You looked up at him, done cleaning the mess and eagerly lay down at the end of the couch. “The kids are sleeping, and your sister will be home in 2 hours. Why else would you stay?”

“I can wait 2 hours.” You rolled your eyes at his reply. “Besides, who else is going to keep you company?”

“Go home, Daniel.”

“I am home, sweetheart.” The nickname made you throw a pillow at his head, carefully trying to avoid the sleeping child in between. “Yeah, I think it’s better if I do stay before you give anyone else a pillow concussion.”

You scoffed at his comment but couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across your face. Daniel didn’t stop to notice it too.

The story of you disliking each other started in high school. You were a year younger than Daniel but closer with his older sister since she tutored you in math. Despite that, you were more of a quiet kid, while Daniel was one of the most outgoing. When you started to gain some popularity in year 11, that was when Daniel began his pursuit to make you his. Although that didn't end well since you thought he was a dick the way he approached you, and Daniel was bitter because you were then known as the girl who rejected the Daniel Ricciardo.

Though after facing many more rejections over the years, Daniel came to accept it. While you still found him to be the same insufferable asshole from when you were 17 years old.

“So, how long has it been?” He asked the rough, tired tone of his voice still very much there.

“I’m not putting myself through small talk with you, Dan.” His eyes quirked up at the familiar nickname, and you rolled your eyes again, mad at your fuck up and knew he wasn’t going to let go of this one.

“Come on, sweetheart. Just talk to me.” As Daniel said that, Isaac began to move, and you froze, saying a silent prayer that he wouldn’t wake up. “I’ll put him in his bed, then we’ll continue this conversation.” He offered, and you stayed quiet as the driver slowly picked the little boy up and brought him to his room.

You watched as he paid close attention to not waking Isaac up and how his body reacted when the little boy leaned on him. A feeling of warmth took over you. “Whatever,” you whispered more to yourself and your thoughts.

Daniel was quick to return, sitting back down in the corner of the L-shaped couch, grinning because he was excited to talk to you since it’s been a while. His smile faltered when he saw you about to doze off.

“Sweetheart,” he whispered, testing the waters to see if you were asleep.

“What?” you groaned, still fully awake and upset about the sleep intrusion.

Daniel softly chuckled. “Cranky?”

“Don’t test me.” You tried to get comfortable on the couch, but it was no use.

So when Daniel pulled you into his body, your head softly landing on his chest and you finally felt a sense of comfort, you had no energy to move. “All comfortable, sweetheart?”

“Don’t ruin this, Dan,” you mumbled, making the driver chuckle.

After a few minutes passed, Daniel started to trace circles on your hip, causing you to stretch your leg over him. To add, you nuzzled into his chest, and your body fully leaned on his. In all honesty, you were utterly unaware of how turned on it was making him.

All hell broke loose when you moved on top of him a bit more. His hand held onto your waist before you could do any more damage, but that was practically self-sabotage since you opened your eyes at the touch. It was impossible not to notice the aroused state of the driver. He was hard, and there was no stopping it.

“Daniel,” you softly spoke, your heart rate picking up and your senses getting mixed up.

“Yes, sweetheart,” he gulped, his joking demeanour suddenly gone due to the fear that he may have completely ruined everything.

However, Daniel wasn’t entirely doomed. Earlier, whenever you closed your eyes, fantasies about Daniel doing unspeakable things to your body would take over. And that wasn’t the worst of it. The thoughts started to get to you, and one of the reasons you were so uncomfortable before was because you were getting so worked up.

When you and Daniel made eye contact, it didn’t take long to realize that you both wanted this. Daniel didn’t waste a second before lifting your chin up and connecting your lips with his.

The kiss was rough and full of energy, contrasting to what you both were feeling just a few seconds ago. You got settled on Daniel's lap, legs wrapped around his thighs as you straddled him. His hands went straight to your waist as yours tangled up in his hair. When he gently sucked on your bottom lip, you tugged at his curls which caused him to pull your body closer to his.

“Daniel,” you quietly moaned, and you could both hear the plead for him to continue in your voice. This couldn’t be happening. But you needed it to happen.

“Right here, sweetheart.” You were getting wetter by the second, and the clothes between you were merely irritating. He didn’t miss a beat as his hand stroked your ass and urged you down on his hard-on. “Tell me what you need.”

“Please,” was all you could come up with as Daniel’s fingers gently skimmed under your shirt and made your entire body shiver. The both of you couldn’t believe how desperate you were for this, tightly clenching on nothing and craving the filled-up feeling.

You didn’t hesitate to unbutton and unzip Daniel’s jeans, your lips still caught up with his. The kiss was getting deeper, his tongue pushing into your mouth before he broke away to flip you under him.

You lay back on the couch, biting your lip as you watched Daniel intently as he took his time to pull your bottoms off and licked his lips when he had you completely bare.

“You are so fucking edible, sweetheart,” he practically moaned as he could see your wetness dripping and couldn’t wait any longer to savour the taste he’d been missing his whole life.

The second his tongue made contact with your core, your head fell back, your eyes rolled, and the sensation of absolute bliss consumed you as Daniel lapped his tongue through your folds while one of his fingers plunged inside you. Daniel’s other hand had to cover your mouth to quiet down your glass-shattering moans that he still desperately wanted to hear.

He had you cumming on his tongue in minutes, the hand over your mouth not being enough to block out the screams of pleasure that left your lips.

It wasn’t long after that Daniel had you bent over on the couch, fucking you hard, clenching around his cock, and seeing stars from the number of times he had made you cum. Sweet praises constantly left his lips, saying ‘you’re doing so good for me,’ ‘you take me so well,’ ‘just like that,” and, of course, the constant use of his nickname for you ‘cum all over my cock, sweetheart,’ ‘you’re breathtaking, sweetheart.’

Daniel ended up cumming in your mouth. You were just as frantic to have him in your mouth as he did with your pussy. A mix of profanities and your name blurted out as he came down your throat, a groan following as he watched you swallow it all. You were by far the hottest fuck he had in his life, and he couldn't stop his pent-up feelings for you from returning.

As you lay cuddled on the couch, post getting cleaned up, dressed, and doing your best to tidy up the area, you knew this couldn’t be more than a one-night thing. But regardless, you ended up thinking about it until you fell asleep.

You melted when you woke up the next day, still wrapped in Daniel’s warm arms, but feeling groggy and unstable as you attempted to walk to the bathroom.

Heading back into the kitchen, you not so gracefully tripped and could hear Michelle chuckle as she shook her head in disbelief. Daniel shot you a grin as you joined the two for a coffee, and you couldn’t help but think that maybe him being an asshole wasn't so bad after all.

—

@blondedona my saviour for helping me with the ending. feedback??? like and reblog!!!

[popcultureconfessions]

I finished watching Quiet on the Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV around 12:30 AM, and I am absolutely speechless and mortified. The amount of sexual innuendo these minors were scripted to do under Dan Schneider's orders is beyond disgusting! Example: Ariana [Grande] was trying to squeeze a potato, which clearly looked sexual, and then lied upside down on a bed pouring water on herself while squealing and moaning. “Mmm, I’m thirsty!”, she said in a youthful yet slightly seductive tone. Another example: Jamie [Lynn Spears] had goo-like substance accidentally squirted on her face by her costar Alexa Nikolas (who's character, by the way, was heavily sexualized alongside Jamie and her character). Given how disgusting of a man Dan was, the substance intentionally looked like c*m. It was supposed to be a comical moment, but Spears clearly looked uncomfortable. Some other points:

The unsetting things the cast members from All That were put through, such as Bryan Hearne. He portrayed a rapper named Lil' Fetus. That alone is just racist. The costume and position he was forced to wear and be in... WOW. I have no words.

I vividly remember the kid version of 'Fear Factor' on Nickelodeon, but I never really watched it. Seeing some of the dares the kids had to do, such as put a live scorpion in your mouth or get peanut butter licked off your bare body by dogs, looked absolutely terrifying and, for some, traumatizing.

Drake [Bell]. WOW. Everything Brian [Peck] did to him at age 15...

"I was sleeping on the couch where I would usually sleep and I woke up to him, I opened my eyes, I woke up and he was sexually assaulting me, and I froze and in complete shock and had no idea what to do or how to react, and I had no idea how to get out of the situation. What? Am I going to call my mom and be like, ‘Hey, this just happened. Can you come pick me up? I’ll just sit here and wait.’ I had no car, I didn’t drive. I was 15 at this time."

There were 41 people that wrote their letter of support to Brian.

"His entire side of the courtroom was full. FULL. There were definitely some recognizable faces on that side of the room, and my side was, uh, me, my mom, and my brother. Brian had been convicted, but getting all this support from a lot of people in the industry and... yeah ... I was pretty shocked. My mom got up, she had a statement. I wasn't going to address Brian. There was no... no reason to.”

Brian pleaded no contest for two charges of child sexual abuse: "lewd or lascivious act" and "oral copulation" to a child under 16 years-old. 'No contest', man, seriously????

He literally only got sentenced 16 months in prison and had to register himself as a sex offender. That's it. What the fuck?! Oh, yeah, and then he ended up working on the Disney Channel show The Suite Life of Zack & Cody some time after his sentence was up. Again, what the actual fuck?!

A few of the petitioners that were stated are James Marsden (not Prince Edward from Enchanted!), Taran Killam (I only know him from SNL, but this still stunned me!), Alan Thicke, Thomas DeSanto, Ron Melendez, Rider Strong, and Will Friedle.

The amount of sexual references is ridiculous and, now, as an adult, uncomfortable to watch. I can't believe all of those [sexual references] went over my head as a kid! Dan said he knew kids watching these actions would find them funny, so that's why he made these minors do them.

The entire incident involving 12-year-old Brandi and former production assistant Jason Handy. Her mother, who was a legal assistant for Hollywood, said she didn't know if she should call the police or not after he emailed 12-year-old Brandi a nude picture (who, by the way, immediately ran to her room while screaming and then crying). She decided to not call the police because she didn't want to be seen as a "bad parent".

(previous bullet point continued) That is your DAUGHTER. I hope Brandi doesn't talk to her mother to this day.

Jason literally had a journal where he wrote about his feelings towards children, especially little girls. He admitted (in writing) that he wanted to go as far as to “r*pe” little girls too…

Penelope Taynt. I loved this character, and The Amanda Show! Please go research what a "taint" is...

Don't get me started on Amanda Bynes and everything that happened to her and her career, and what all happened between her and Dan. He got way too close to her...!

There's a lot more, but I'll end the bullet points here. I recommend watching this horrifying documentary. Dan was a misogynist, racist, egoistical, and disgusting man who had too much power. The more famous he became, the more powerful and rude he was to the cast (most all of who were minors) and crew.

🌷 March 20, 2024 🌷

[abirddogmoment]

Comparing Aurora to Mav and here are some thoughts, in no particular order or relevance:

🦆 Drive:

Mav was higher drive than Rory, even as a puppy. I would classify Mav as medium drive overall (extreme prey drive) and Rory as mid-low drive overall (high prey drive).

Food drive: Britts are notoriously bad eaters as puppies. Rory eats more consistently than Mav did at this age, but Mav accepted a wider variety of training treats. I'd put both of them around a 3 or 4/10 for food drive, with Mav growing to a 8/10 as an adult.

Toy drive: Not a priority for me, but I use toys strategically for training distance behaviours. A consistent 5/10 for both dogs.

Prey drive: Predictably high due to breed. Mav was indiscriminately prey driven (10/10, nothing could get through to him in prey drive), Rory is much less so but still much higher than the average dog (around 8.5/10).

General "working" drive: Puppy Mav was extremely unmotivated to work with me (2/10), I was able to build that up somewhat as an adult (somewhere around 6/10) but he still preferred to do his own thing. Rory is much happier to work with me in general (5/10 in general, 9/10 in the bird field).

🐿 Arousal:

Rory is lower arousal than Mav. It takes a lot more effort to get her energy up, whereas Mav was pretty much always good to go. Rory is also much easier to communicate with even when aroused - I can still direct her to some extent when she's chasing something. Mav was around an 8/10 for environmental focus / environmental arousal (easy 9.5/10 as a puppy though), and Rory is around a 6/10.

Both dogs stress down (stop engaging in high stress situations, as opposed to a dog that gets bitey and frantic in high stress) in extremely comparable ways. Recovery is also essentially the same for both Rory and Mav - immediate end to activities, give free snacks, decompress by being left alone in a quiet space.

👀 Engagement:

Aurora is significantly more engaged than Mav was at this age (Rory around a 7/10, Mav around a 1/10 as a puppy and maybe a 5/10 as an adult). She actively looks to see where I am out in the wild and will take direction from a distance, something I never achieved with Mav even as an adult. Hard to say how much of this is genetics vs how much is strategic training.

🌎 General living:

In the house: Rory wants to be in the same area as me. She actively chooses to sleep close to me on the less-comfy side of the couch instead of her preferred couch spot if I'm there. She rarely puts herself to bed without me. In comparison, Mav lived for comfort and would put himself to bed in another room with no provocation.

On puppy blues: I got the puppy regret really bad for Mav and considered returning him to his breeder for over a year. There were lots of factors here, but the main one was going from one dog to two (which was not for me). I was prepared for puppy blues with Rory but I was also really ready to have a dog again, so I barely got puppy blues with her.

On needs: Extremely comparable in terms of exercise and enrichment. Both dogs need daily meaningful exercise and training. Rory needs meaningful attention (snuggles where she is the sole focus of my attention) in a way that Mav did not.

On anxieties: Mav was more confident (9/10 for confidence, Rory is around a 5/10) but Rory recovers easily so it's rarely a problem. Both have comparable stranger-danger about people who approach me in the street, Mav worked through it and was neutral as an adult and I suspect Rory will as well. Both dogs had separation anxiety and were able to work through it so I can work my day job from the office. Mav was much more dependent on Marlo whereas Rory loves Pike but doesn't depend on her the same way. No aggression of any kind from either of them, but both tend towards dog neutrality over dog friendly (beyond friendly greetings).

On training: I find Rory easier to train despite her lower drive, but I think that's just because I'm a better trainer now. Mav was snappier in behaviours and tried harder, but Rory is much more focused and thoughtful and things click more easily for her. Mav was much more likely to opt in to a training session, Rory really considers whether she wants to train or not. Both dogs housetrained extremely easily. Mav was a bigger barker than Rory.

On behaviour: Rory is better behaved, just generally has better impulses, but Mav was (obviously) better trained. Both can walk through a busy dog show without any issues so ultimately it's fine for me. I think Rory will grow up to be better trained just because she has an easier baseline and less bad habits (and I know what I'm doing now).

On potential: Rory is better conformationally, I really think she can get her confo champion somewhat smoothly. Mav was shrimpy and was not a great structural example of his breed. I don't know if Rory is snappy enough for high level sports, but that could change (and also I don't care if it doesn't).

On training goals: I had much more ambitious sports goals for Mav and I mostly trained sports behaviours. I don't really have any sports goals for Rory so I've mostly just been chilling with some training here and there. Ultimately I like this approach better, even though it's less impressive to show off.

🟣🔵🟠 Final Thoughts:

Ultimately I'm really glad Mav was my first puppy. He was challenging and set the bar achievably for other dogs, but he was also really fun and I'm really glad I got to learn with him.

I'm also glad I got Rory when I did, even though I wasn't looking for a puppy. She made my winter much more fun and she's at a really fun age to do more stuff this spring and summer.

I need to spend more time with brittanies. Of the three I lived with (Mav, Laundry, Rory), Mav was the outlier for drive and arousal. If Mav was truly an outlier, I'm more inclined to switch breeds in the future (boykins my beloved). I don't want to go too much higher drive or arousal than Mav, but I'd like a little higher arousal than Rory and a lot higher drive than Laundry.

I cannot be bothered to listen to the internet this time around. I used to analyse what everyone was doing compared to what I was doing and I straight up don't care that much. I still find sources to help me with problems and read books and watch YouTube videos to train specific things, but nothing like the social media vortex I was in before.

Same thing for unsolicited advice at shows. I got soooo much advice about Mav that was incorrect, harmful, or straight up nonsense. I have a couple of polite responses ready but I just ignore most of the unsolicited advice now.

I'm having a lot of fun with my puppy and even though she's a little evil (read: a puppy), she's really crushing it and doing great.

I'm excited to see where we go from here.

[doctorbleed]

My constant companion and best little man, Pecker (named by mom after the 1998 John Waters film Pecker, she didn't get the offensive implications lol) nicknamed "Pepper."

The rest of the post is gonna be a downer. If you aren't in the mood for that, just enjoy the absolutely adorable dog pictures and keep scrolling.

Today, my dog passed away in his home very suddenly, in his sleep. He had been fighting a long battle with heart disease and due to his age and genetic factors the condition spread too quickly and too strongly to be effectively treated. My father took care of him for his final days, as our boy was constantly loved, hugged, protected and nurtured by family who loved him.

He was a happy, playful boy. Full of life and always moving around, even near the end he was getting up and walking a few times, lifting his head up and occasionally wagging his tail. He lived to the ripe old age of 15.

Some fast facts about him:

Pecker:

Got the name "Tick-Tick" because of the sound his nails would make everywhere he'd walk

Also got the nickname "Kramer" because he liked to kick open my door

We liked to call him "Pepper" in front of company, and "Peckerwood" which we later found out isn't actually another word for "woodpecker" but something more offensive. Oof! But he made it funny. We liked to call him "Peck-Peck-Peckerwood!" when he trotted into a room.

He never hurt a living creature in his life or caused anyone pain. Except some guy named Anthony, the only person he ever bit lol. Crazy lil guy.

One time I went walking him a little girl saw him and petted him. Then, a bunch of kids came running from around the corner to love up on him and pet him because they were so excited.

Walking him, a couple times a little kid would pet him and say hi to him. One time while strutting around and drinking something, he proclaimed "I know that dog!"

One time I put a lolipop in front of his face expecting him to lick it, and he bit it instead.

As a puppy, he liked to "accidentally" knock over pop cans and drink the spillage.

He was the first pup to be picked out of the litter, and the runt.

He loved snow, probably because of his big fur coat.

Despite being a tiny little mop, he had a furious bark. One time two cops came to our door and the dog barked so loud they walked off the porch. Later they asked my dad "what kind of monster dog do you have in there?" and he poked his little head out, and they were SO annoyed and embarrassed.

Was about 3 feet long and roughly 2 feet tall.

One time when he was a puppy I watched him whimper in fear about a jump he was about to make: jumping off a couch onto big fluffy pillow. We called it a "crash pad."

When he first came home my sister was a sobbing mess after getting dumped. He came up to her her and licked her nose and she stopped crying instantly.

One time I stayed over a friend's house and came home in the middle of the night, I petted him, and he turned and nodded at me like it was nothing. Then he, in a half-awake state, realized what was going on and rocked himself excitedly awake to greet me.

RIP Pecker. You had a funny name but you were the best dog I could ever ask for. You will be missed <3.

"For though I be absent in the flesh, yet am I with you in the spirit, joying and beholding your order, and the stedfastness of your faith in Christ." - Colossians 2:5

[dangerously-human]

Hit "must sleep this instant" mode before 8pm last night, and tried for a couch nap but the cat wasn't having that if I didn't give him dinner first. Was in bed and actually asleep probably by 8:30 or so, yet I am still completely exhausted this morning. Disrespectful. I guess, I fairness, it was a really big weekend, extremely social (which, much as I love it, takes a lot out of me), plus I had a background migraine all day yesterday, which usually cranks the fatigue factor up to 11. I should have taken off today like I originally wanted to. Oh well. I have lunch to look forward to with Bible study bestie, to celebrate her birthday, and then dinner with another friend I've been doing Bible study with over the summer, as her birthday present to me. Honestly, the real birthday gift in this week is probably all the leftovers in my fridge and zero effort toward food prep!

[astrxlfinale]

Sore muscles are a top priority in the household of the rowdy Camelot family, especially when it's her favorite (and totally the bravest) nameless in question! With majority of the older Camelots out and about, Guinaifen has occupied with the living room and therefore the couch with an instruction for Caelus to sit in front of her on the floor !

While the missions of monsters and bad dreams certainly is far more entertaining, he has now been hauled into the duty of a fellow babysitter for the younger (totally not in need of some stupid supervision from their dumb sister and the lovey dovey boyfriend) siblings. Consider it the greatest challenge of them all, guard duty, for the zone within the living room remains off limits to gremlins that are meant to be sleeping and with the occasional threat from Guinaifen where she has stated that she can - and will - kiss her boyfriend with extreme kissy noises, it seems that the last hour has been quiet.

Are they sleeping? Probably not.

Are they plotting in their bedroom? Certainly.

But with occupied gremlins, and the performer's hands seated on Caelus' shoulders, Guinaifen hums and laughs along the silly movie on the screen before them (totally kids friendly, because if one thing was to lure those monsters out it was scary movies - a bit too similar to their older sister, maybe?). Thumbs press along Caelus' neck, Guinaifen soon leaning over him a little bit with a warm smile.

"I know that you totally didn't have babysitting in mind, but..." massage fades, a hand cupping his cheek with a gentle caress. "I really do appreciate it that you wanted to stick around ; they are a bit stupid, but they are sweet... both of them, really !... when they aren't trying to shoot spoonfuls of food at you..."

What were they? Three ?

Nine and eleven, gruesome ages.

"... you don't have to answer if you don't want to," Guinaifen then added, thumb grazing his cheek as eyes remained on him. "You've asked me about my stuff, so it kinda makes me a bit curious about you in return, so... do you have any family, Caelus?"

His posture remains stalwart, even the modern day temptations of indulgence not allowing him to forsake it while basking in relaxation. In many ways this very nirvana was an 'uphill' battle, a constant test to ensure he doesn't melt entirely against his Firekiss in the process of her assistance.

Guinaifen's skillful application was the sort to commend, long days of battle, the testament made through stress were gradually melted from his wired up muscles. Shaken exhales, low grunts to abrupt hisses were all signs that her manner of diligence was paying off. In the process, it allowed him to simply be at ease. A factor that he's coming to drink deeper in terms of the well of appreciation. "That-- mm, is really hittin' the spot.."

With his attention being vied for in three different ways, it led him in a measure of half-points, simply content to be amidst all of this as she made her thoughts clear on the unexpected direction of the day. Once that stir of burning hair fell before his vision, it prompts him to peer up, to meet the star stunning eyes of a very special person. Just the view alone distracted him from the flick ahead of them, the mere thought of simply being lost here being too tempting to pass up.

"I mean hey. Who am I to complain about free snacks if I can catch em?" He adds in, tilting his head up to engage with a better view, leaning against the toned support of her belly. "With them being a buncha runts, no wonder that energy has nowhere to go. They just need another party member here to even out the stakes. That's where I come in."

In the time of adjusting with Guinaifen's family, it's been joyful in ways that were almost alien. Rather than static, what remains in memory before any times entrenched in similar veins were entirely null. What remained were external examples to learn from, families uninvolved with him, many across different spans and scopes of age, each dynamic facing a different branch of issues.

What glimmers as evidently clear is how the 'inner child' is a facet that never fades.

In truth, it may be the most prominent force that clings to all life. Their humble, rough, upright or outright deplorable beginnings.

"Ah. Where my line remain when it comes to this? I guess you have only known just the current 'me' for the most part, huh?"

There was a heaviness that builds within his soul once it's actually considered. Though, in a strange way, it was comforting. The idea that his Firekiss didn't have to deal with the complications of such a topic alone. Despite the way it causes his chest to tighten, a metaphorical hand would grasp firmly onto the weight this introduced. As an inner battle wages inside, he'd take her support, a winded sigh being spilled from his nose as he'd tilt towards her brushing thumb, momentarily nestling his face there as it's all considered.

"If there was any note of them out there, by now, they're simply part of the stars now, Gui. My chance to see them expired a long time ago."

All that could be tapped upon for such questions was a warm void. Obscuring all sight, leaving vestiges that made the aspect of importance never leave his heart in terms of understanding. For the time, he'd align this very sensation with the starlit flame cradling him. "Did I ever tell you that I was reborn?"

For a moment he'd allow the brunt of such a notion to remain, for it to be faintly grasped before he continues. "The weird thing is, I can't exactly remember what made my curtain call. It was just through the power of an Aeon I managed to tear into a second chance. There's been too many damn days I considered exactly what it could've been, even with a lot of my memory down for the count. Firekiss, even my own damn childhood is known only by time."

....

"But then it hit me. If there's something that made me deny all angles of impossible like that, whatever I had once upon a time, it must've been important as hell. But that belongs only to the me back then."

One of his ungloved hands would close the distance in kind. His touch is solemnly gentle, the way he'd come to cup her cheek from the reverse point, smoothing his palm against the warmth of her skin. To no one's surprise, he was handling her like a priceless treasure.

"So when I see families now days? I really don't know how it is to truly have one, either bound by blood or just made from a close knit connection. It's the kind of empty that makes me want to stay considerate, and I guess, just be thankful if people want to share me in that sort of company."

Sorrows weren't made to keep him downed. In many ways they were a force for his emotions, a means to learn, a means to rise again if the time calls for it. Family however, tilts a direction that's too bizarre for him to truly ever get. A craving was held, sadness entirely misunderstood succeeds in drawing forth complicated feelings, and right now? It etches a troubled look upon his face, the fortuitous side of the Nameless allowing those walls to lower.

"Do you find that strange?"

@avaere

[mappingthemoon]

Probably since I was a teenager, I’ve attributed a variety of my health issues to overwork, exhaustion, the demoralizing struggle of living below the poverty line, etc. etc. Insomnia, poor sleep, headaches every morning, waking up in a panic, teeth clenching, constant fatigue, general sense of malaise – living in moldy shitholes, working like 50 hours a week, and usually, for most of my working life, also attending some amount of school (part- or full-time) – it would stand to reason that The Problem Is Capitalism, ya know? WELL, turns out these are also symptoms of obstructive sleep apnea, for which I recently got diagnosed! Despite having complained to doctors about headaches for decades (even seeing a neurologist at one point who told me I was fine it’s not an aneurysm hav u consider moar exercise??), my current pcp only ordered a sleep study once she noticed my liver enzymes (irony of ironies!!!) were elevated uhhh probably due to taking NSAIDs daily for like the past 12+ years. On the study nights I only got ~4 hours of actual sleep (even tho I was “sleeping” for 7 hours) and only 7% REM sleep (the norm for adults is 20-25%) (I have long lamented the fact that I rarely seem to dream at night – IT SUCKS, I NEED 2 PROCESS SUBCONSCIOUSLY waaaahhh) Sad!! In desperation / tasting the possibility of sweet relief I decided to borrow a few thousand more dollars (you know when you’re already drowning in debt and depriving yourself of all nice things forever but then some extra surprise bullshit happens and you’re like fuck it, what’s another $3k? YOLO! Yeah.) and got an oral appliance from the sleep dentist, which helps keep my airway open at night. This hasn’t been as miraculous of a cure-all as I’d hoped (probably bc I’m noncompliant, aka some nights I just get blazed and pass the fuck out on the couch bc i am still Tired after work), but it is still kind of amazing to wake up in the morning not in pain, not hating everything, not wanting to die. Just feeling...neutral? Incredible. In conclusion, I still believe that most of the problems are mostly capitalism, but don’t rule out the possibility that maybe a contributing factor to the Struggle of daily survival is that your dumbass body doesn’t know how to breathe at night.

I also got this x-ray of my SKULL which is TOTALLY AWESOME AND SWEET.

[salmonthestoryteller]

Casual Classism in Fiction and Fandom

Time for Salmon’s going to say something not everyone is going to like.  You know the drill.  Yadda, yadda.

So, originally my goal was to write a fandom specific rant about this, in regards to the treatment of a certain character in canon.  And I still might do that.  But that would be a different rant. I don’t have high expectations when it comes to classism in published work.  Nor do I admittedly have much faith in people calling it out.  Perhaps that's part of the reason I am far fonder of high fantasy than contemporary fantasy, and my taste in science fiction tends towards dystopian, retrofuturism, or older works closer to science fantasy or space opera.  Honestly, a lot of high fantasy actually tends to be very anti-classism, and numerous older science fiction made anti-classism allegories.

But in recent years, there’s been a lot more historical fantasy and contemporary fantasy/science fiction, and that seems to come with a heaping side of casual classism in the writing.  Nor do I mean this in a “there is addressed classism in the writing.”  No, when I say there is casual classism, I mean there are statements made and stereotypes used and neither the story or the writers call themselves out on it. And, sadly, this really does carry over into the fanfiction and meta of various shows.  There’s been a few times I’ve almost back buttoned out of fics that I otherwise was really enjoying when the writer suddenly drops in something classist without even blinking.  And not in an unreliable narrator way.  In an “I’m serious about this statement” type of way.  Usually, I remind myself of the classism in the show, unclench my jaw, and keep reading.  Once or twice, I have just noped out, though.

So, right now you’re probably like, well this seems very vagueing, Salmon.  And I don’t intend to call out any one fandom, nor any specific meta or fics.  But i do have a list of examples.  So let’s get to those.

Cleanliness This is a big one.  When a character is poor there are always comments made about their cleanliness.  Indications that they’re filthy or smelly.  Or that their living areas are dirty or stained or smelly.  And, really?  It’s classist crap.

I have been inside so many middle-class homes that were so filthy that I was frankly forced to wear a customer service smile to pretend that my skin was literally not crawling.  (Like, you're my friend babe, but when there are moldy strawberries on the rug by your couch - I am uncomfortable.) I have met people from all walks of life whose hygiene was very questionable.  And, honestly, cars?  I swear, the more disposable income a person has, the less they seem to care about the state of their cars.  The poorer they are, the cleaner they seem to keep their vehicle.  (Probably because there’s a very real possibility of them having had to sleep in their car at one time or another and it's much harder to sleep in the backseat if it's covered in empty food containers and sticky substances.)

“But what if they don't have a washer/dryer?” There are these two things called “handwash” and “drip dry”.  Also, laundromats exist.

“But without a shower and/or tub, they'd obviously be dirty.”  I don't know how to tell you this but a bar of soap, a cloth, and a sink and/or water basin are enough to clean off visible dirt and prevent you from smelling. It's nowhere near as nice as a hot shower, but it will get the job done.

And old things are not automatically broken, dirty, or stained. Well cared for things can last for years.

Alcoholism & Substance Abuse The factor about this that annoys me is less about anyone telling a story about alcoholism or substance abuse.  It’s in the fact that the moment a poor character drinks multiple times, or uses any type of drug even once, they are almost always written as alcoholics or addicts.  The few times the story does not refer to them as such, the fandom is quick to start referring to them as such. Moreover, this happens regardless of whether middle-class and upper-class characters in the same story drink just as often or use drugs more than once. There are multiple stories focused on alcoholism or addiction with a middle-class or upper-class character.  That’s not really the issue, either.  The problem is in the fact that if writers don’t go out of their way to state that a middle-class or upper-class character is an alcoholic or addict, nobody suggests they are.  Even if they are shown drinking numerous times.  But put a drink in a lower-class character’s hand even once, and suddenly they’re an alcoholic.

Literacy Overall fiction and fandom alike seem to fall into the notion that literacy is directly connected to class.  Both historically and contemporary.  The problem is that the issue is not at all so clear-cut.  Literacy is still an issue today, and an even bigger issue historically - but the problem with literacy is who was illiterate is a very mixed bag.  Really, there is a lot related to literacy including time period, location, gender, religion, and what type of work someone's parents did.  There were many times and places in history where you could absolutely write a story where an upper-class child is completely illiterate because it was deemed an unnecessary skill, and a poor child is very literate because they were taught by a parent whose work required them to be able to read and write.  Nor is literacy directly related to if a child attended school - there were other ways to learn to read and write. So while in any type of historical or historical fantasy having a larger portion of characters be illiterate is more realistic, relegating it strictly by class is not.

Working Class Jobs vs College This is going to be my longest rant. NGL, this one is a little personal.  Simply put, there is a lot of very casual referencing to working class jobs in a derogatory fashion.  Commentary that prescribes to the notion that anyone who did not attend college and earn a degree is unintelligent, incompetent, or lazy.  This varies from actually insulting the working class jobs outright, using negative stereotypes for working class characters, and/or to a much more insidious form of it where it is made to be about how a character is “too good” or “deserves better” than being working class.  The latter is the most frustrating because people do not even seem to be aware of how insulting it is.  The underhanded meaning of it.

“This character is working class but they're intelligent so clearly they shouldn't be working class” basically only seems uplifting because people are sold on the idea that working class = stupid.

“This person is working class but they must find a way to go to college in order to have a meaningful life.” Because having a meaningful life is directly connected to your career and tax bracket?

There's nothing inherently bad about stories where a character wants a different life. What is bad is the suggestion that the reason for this isn't personal (“My dream is X.”), but simply because working class jobs are “beneath” the character (“But they are capable of getting a “real” job” (As opposed to what exactly?  A phony one?)), or that happiness is tied to ambition (“But it's such a waste of their life to just be an X!”).

Knowledge/Skills Being lower class also doesn't mean a character has limited fields of knowledge or skills available to them.  You can learn things outside of a classroom.  Libraries exist.  I have never been in the book section of a second-hand store that didn't have someone's abandoned textbooks and multiple shelves of non-fiction.  You can self-teach yourself an instrument. A neighbor can teach you arts and crafts.  A co-worker can teach you a second language.

Look, I don't hate the master cooks, or the mechanically inclined lower class characters. But that doesn't have to be the limit. They can speak three languages. They can be an expert on local history.  They can be bizarrely obsessed with African Elephants! Niche interests exist.

It's just so disappointing to see how prevalent these types of things are in modern fiction.  It's equally disheartening to see how even when it isn't in the fiction itself, it may still be a prevalent attitude or concept in the fandom. It makes me want to shake people sometimes, because it's easy to see how they don't realize the people they are being so derogatory towards are people they're literally sharing fandom spaces with.

[talbottoresnick]

Xinyi's Mini-Research Paper

Photographer: Jarod Lew Website: www.jarodlew.com/ Bodies of work: 1) In Between You and Your Shadow, and 2) South of Heaven

In Between You and Your Shadow Jarod Lew is a Chinese-American artist and photographer born in Detroit, Michigan, who began to document his home city following graduation from Michigan State University. His photo series In Between You and Your Shadow (2023), was created using a FUJIFILM GFX100S with a FUJINON GF 80mm F1.7 R WR lens, documents the family scene at home in suburban Detroit. In 2012, Lew discovered that his mother had been engaged to a Chinese American draftsman, Vincent Chin, who was murdered in 1982 by two Detroit autoworkers days before his wedding to Lew’s mother. Retrospecting the trauma, he visited his parent’s house to create narrative images utilizing the contrast of light and shadow. Editorial writer Chen (2022) reviews in the Aperture article that Lew explores the “narrative possibilities in its banal geometry”. Beyond the visual depictions captured in this series of images, other vignettes of quotidian existence are presented, including instances of familial members immobilized on a couch while engaging in a game, the act of tenderly covering a bedquilt for loved ones in the bedroom, the mother's contemplative gaze upon her reflection in the bathroom mirror, and the mother's attentive grooming of the father's hair. If one were to consider family portraiture as the defining characteristic of this series, it can be observed that the unifying factors that connect these pictures are light and shadow. These are portraits and still-life silhouettes projected by natural light and interior lighting.

The utilization of light and shadow brings a flatness of clarity that is associated with the usage of flash. The photographer elucidates that this series serves as a means of recreating his recollections from childhood. Additionally, the photographer directed his parents to create a sense of authenticity in the images, sometimes his brother and Lew himself also make appearances, thereby reducing the fabricated nature of images. However, he admitted that the creation process revealed a disconnect between him and his parents so they were not able to take off guard when facing the camera. The recollections illuminated in this context bear resemblance to the historical accounts of Asian immigrants, exhibiting sporadic jumps and flickers, characterized by blurs and ambiguity. I am intrigued by the series since it speaks about Asian experiences as well as connects to my own cultureregarding similar gestures of love. In photo1 below, Lew’s mother sits at a chair outdoors peaking at the camera while his father does some roofing job. The mother's irises in the photograph evoke asense of reflection regarding her past as an immigrant and her sorrowful circumstances; however, the shadow cast by her father behind her instills optimism for her future. Photograph 2 captures the father indoors, encircling the mother while she sleeps on her side in bed with a manicure, with a blanket while obscuring her hand and shadow. The juxtaposition of light and shadow in the photograph evokes in me a greater sense of healing and redemption in the parental relationship and the immigrant family's optimism. While the pose and position of the portrait appear predetermined, the subjects' cooperation—the parents—establishes a feeling of warmth and profundity in the photograph. A plate of chopped strawberries and apples is displayed in Photo 3 alongside an adhesive note that the mother left behind. This brought to my mind that the love language of Asian parents is cutting fruit. Photo 1-3, from series In Between You and Your Shadow © Jarod Lew 2023

South of Heaven Another body of work by Lew, the series entitled South of Heaven (2023), explores “themes of ‘white flight’, the ideals of the American dream, consumerism, and loneliness” (Anna, 2020). Taken in the city of Detroit during a time of bankruptcy, the photographs offer documentation of suburban America and the landscapes of working-class families. In contrast to In Between You and Your Shadow, the photographer was a social bystander this time, documenting American suburbs and working-class families. Natural landscapes, still lifes, portraits, and animals are among the themes of the images, which were taken in Detroit during the bankruptcy period. Photo 4 depicts parents and children standing close to the trunk of a car, with an American flag fluttering behind them. Photo 5 depicts a young girl seated on her bedroom bed, her eyes vacant and defenseless. Following the photographer's gaze, I sense the struggle of the working class in Detroit who strive for the American dream. This sequence of photographs gave me a somber sensation. Jarod's South of Heaven is an exploration of the cities and neighborhoods of Detroit that documents the mundane moments of city dwellers. In an interview with the contemporary photography and fashion online publication WÜL Magazine (Khmelnitski), South of Heaven, according to Jarod, is his first photography project since he let go of his employment at a high school portrait studio. He employed an environmental documentary-style visual language to depict the American dream in the Midwest, focusing on Detroit as a destroyed industrial city and reflecting on white flight and the formation of suburban Michigan neighborhoods. Photo 4-5, from series South of Heaven © Jarod Lew 2023

Both In Between You and Your Shadow and South of Heaven depict life in Detroit, as the former focuses on the photographer’s own family scene and the latter on other populations in the city. In the interview with WÜL Magazine mentioned above, Jarod admitted that before he discovered the history of Vincent Chin, he was leaning towards document surroundings. Jarod explains that “uncovering my family history has renewed my commitment to visualizing my communities in honest ways.”(Khmelnitski) Hence, the shift from South of Heaven to In Between You and Your Shadow was rationalized by the impulse of delving into family history to reflect on identity issues. The two bodies of work differ a lot as well. South of Heaven seems to capture calm and cold tones of pictures while In Between You and Your Shadow presents more bright and warm undertones with the photographer being intimate to subjects. Unlike directing family members to pose and stage under the light, South of Heaven mostly portrays snapshots of natural scenarios. The use of contract between light and shadow is evident in family portraits, but also in South of Heaven. Light stands for hope and shadow indicates darkness. It is the juxtaposition of hope and darkness that makes both series absorbing.

Bibliography Anna. (2020, June 3). “south of heaven” by photographer Jarod Lew. BOOOOOOOM! https://www.booooooom.com/2020/03/06/south-of-heaven-by-photographer-jarod-lew/ Chen, P. (2022, January 15). The radiant intimacy of Jarod Lew’s family portraits. Aperture. https://aperture.org/editorial/the-radiant-intimacy-of-jarod-lew-family-portraits/ Khmelnitski, N. (n.d.). The paradoxes of our experiences by Jarod Lew. WÜL Magazine. https://www.wulmagazine.com/photography/jarod-lew

[blue-opossum]

Yet Another Blissful Airplane Flight

        Yet Another Blissful Airplane Flight

        2 minutes and 52 seconds to read.

        Saturday morning, 24 June 2023.

        My first post-hypnagogic dream, virtually every sleep cycle since childhood, is usually of walking in an outdoor area, my right foot sliding forward, and me falling backward in sudden myoclonic wakefulness with a surprising sensation close to ecstasy. This vivid but imaginary experience is like spontaneously kicking a ball in sudden darkness.

        "Imaginary kinesthesia" means I feel movement in my body when it is not moving. This false perception often triggers an image or a story in my mind that "explains" why I am "moving." The corresponding narrative depends on what depth, time, and stage of sleep I am navigating (and how focused my false in-dream self is). It always begins with me walking. Later, my physiological response to sleep typically places me in a vehicle, usually a car or canoe. After this, it is more likely to integrate "slope navigation," meaning the illusion of moving upward at a 45-degree angle. Eventually, I effortlessly fly in one or more dreams, a factor of every sleep cycle for 60 years.

        When sleeping, my body sometimes twitches or jerks involuntarily, but my physiological responses to sleeping and waking do not have "interpretations". They are not real-world correlations or "secret messages" (revealing "dream interpretation" in such cases as a juvenile fallacy). These twitches or jerks are more likely to happen with the incompleteness of REM atonia during the onset of deeper sleep or, in contrast, on the periphery of waking.

        Slope navigation causes different narratives depending on my physiological responses to sleep. In this dream, I am on an airplane. However, because of variations in my vestibular response to sleep, there are points at which I vaguely wonder if it is a bus, even though the setting is somewhat like a big room in a house. In most scenes, it seems like the airplane is taxiing rather than flying.

        My dream's storyline implies I am flying to an unknown location with foreign dignitaries.

        My somatosensory response to sleeping and waking transitions has often come into a dream's imaginary narrative with similar overall timing since childhood. It means I intuitively seek tangibility at a specific time in my sleep cycle (related to sleep depth) within a particular dreaming stage. It may or may not link more cohesively with (or during) my vestibular system response.

        I first cast this fundamental intuitive response to another dream character. An unseen boy informs a man to the right (about two rows in front of me) that his colorful shirt is on backward (meaning that tactility in the dream state is illusory without real-world attributes or dynamics).

        As is typical of a dream introducing as many errors and impossibilities as possible (to prevent confusion with reality sans liminal space), the man adjusts his shirt (while remaining seated), rotating it counterclockwise from back to front without taking it off (or pulling his arms from the sleeves). This impossible event is also an intuitive association with changing my sleeping position.

        Somatosensory dynamics continue, linking to my dream self in contrast to being cast. I know I am supposedly (by faulty dream "logic") dressed like royalty. I look down and adjust my scarf. It is a black winter scarf with a blue trapezoid motif. My dream is more vivid again. The only connection to reality is how, when I do not wear a shirt when sitting indoors, I pull a blanket around my shoulders, so this segment is solely an attribute of tactile recall.

        An unfamiliar woman and a man sit in a seat a few rows in front of me, off to my left. The man sits to the woman's right. Despite the absence of my real-world recall and falsely thinking I am living and traveling on my own - they are an intuitive simulacrum signifying Zsuzsanna and me in how we sit together on the couch before eventually going to bed (even though they look nothing like us). This feature is like a real-world memory catalyst (without featuring real-world recall - almost wholly absent in many modes of dreaming - again, to prevent confusing dream content with reality), a facet of my dreams that slowly (depending on my depth of sleep) induces wakefulness and emergence from a dream's phony narrative.

[wrongtimezone]

The alternate universe

Part 7 - Plot twist @rewritethestarsxx 

The daze that was left from the holidays quickly burnt out as everyone jumped straight into January -the longest month of the year- to start their activities and calendars. Which meant Todd having to take off to DC for a lot of meetings that he was not looking forward to attending. 

He wasn't excited about them only because they were always long activities that included seminars and too much lobby talking when his job was a lot more exciting and required him to be on his toes constantly, but now there was another factor that didn't make any part of this trip exciting and that was the redhead that sat on his couch as he took care of the last details regarding his bag and things he should bring. Of course, the two weeks of holidays, and somewhat of a celebration between them was nice, but the man would have wished to have the time he'd use in DC to spend it with her.

First / Prev / Next / All

"Okay, I don't think I'm forgetting anything," said Todd as he placed his things at the door before slipping on a jacket, all while yawning. 

Just the thought of this trip was exhausting and he couldn't wait to get to his hotel and sleep the night away. But he was thankful that Vixey would be able to see him off at the airport and that she'd take care of Roxie. The woman had become one of the pup's favorite people quickly, warming up to her in no time; he knew she'd be in the right hands and not lonely like other times. Not like Copper didn't do the best job at babysitting the golden, but it did give him comfort to know Roxie would have cuddles, scratches, and treats while he was gone. 

"I can't wait for this trip to be over," said the man as he brought the redhead closer, wrapping his arms around her and leaning his head against hers to rest his eyes for a minute.

"Can I just cancel last minute? I'm sure no one will notice me not there," he teased, knowing that skipping this was not an option. "But, the one thing that it's worth it is that by the time I'm back, we'll be closer to Valentine's Day. And I don't know about you, but I am ready to wow you out. You thought the record for Christmas was good? You've seen nothing," said Todd with a wink as he placed a kiss on Vixey's forehead. 

"Okay, let's get down with this," said the man as he pulled away, walking closely to Roxie's bed where the dog was already laid down with sad eyes at Todd for leaving.

"Alright sweet girl, I'll be back before you realize it, okay? You'll have fun with Vixey, she'll stay with you, walk you, give you scratchies. All good things. You be good and guard our home, okay?" said Todd as he leaned down to press a kiss on Roxie's head, earning him a lick from her. 

"Alright, let's go."

Vixey was eager to help Todd get ready for his trip. She obviously would've liked to have more time with Todd, time that was peaceful and uninterrupted by the holidays, but she knew absence would only make the heart grow fonder. Plus she was basically going to be living in Todd's apartment with Roxie and his super comfortable bed for the next 3 weeks so aside from missing Todd, she couldn't really complain. 

The redhead smiled as Todd pulled her closer, cherishing every second they had together before seeing him off. Her arms rest around his neck and she placed a short and sweet kiss against his lips. 

"I can't wait for it to be over either," she replied with a smile, "But this will be a good opportunity for you and a good chance to network," which was something Vixey was always about in the business.

"Plus, Roxie will be in good hands." 

The thought of Valentine's day made her a little nervous, it would be one of the first Vixey had a companion since high school. She smiled as Todd talked up the holiday. Christmas was a real treat so she could imagine that he had something brewing for their first Valentine's Day, especially since he'd be gone for the few weeks leading up to it.

After Todd and Roxie said goodbyes, Vixey checked her app and saw their uber was about to pull up, just in time. 

"Alright, Rox, I'll be back in a little bit and then we're going to take a nice long walk." She smiled and scratched the pup on her head before heading back to the door.

"And just in time, our ride is just down the block." 

Vixey held the door open for Todd, offering to help him with his bags even though she knew he'd decline. The ride to the airport was uneventful and thankfully traffic wasn't too light - though Vixey would of course love more time with Todd, she also knew that when she was catching flights she got nervous. She was the 'get to the airport 4 hours before the flight' kind of person. 

The whole ride she kept her hand in Todd's and despite being nervous even though she wasn't the one traveling, the warmth of his hand on hers soothed her. 

Todd easily took his bags as the couple made their way downstairs and to the Uber waiting for them, watching the city out the window on the way to the airport. His arm wrapped around the redhead's shoulder all the way, his hand tangled with hers, soaking all the physical touch he could get before the man was left with almost three weeks of nothing. And he already knew they were going to be the longest weeks of his life, already counting back the days left to get back to his home, his bed, and his girlfriend. 

"Are you going to miss me while I'm away, superstar?" he asked, teasing mostly to kill the time while they made it to the airport, which was a good solid hour if the traffic cooperated.

"Just don't steal my dog, that's all I ask," added the man with a chuckle as he pressed a kiss to her temple.

When the car parked, the man unwillingly untangled himself from the redhead to get out and pull his bags out. The airport was busy as always, but thankfully they had arrived with enough time for him to get through security and wait for the boarding time with ease, with a small suitcase like his, Todd didn't need any extra time. And the man was not looking to extend his time in DC anymore than necessary; in fact, his return flight was the first of the day. 

"Alright, so I'll text you when I land and if my misery is too much," teased the man with a chuckle, but he wasn't lying. Todd would take any opportunity to text Vixey when things got a little too dull for him in DC, more than happy to share any meme that comes close to him. He leaned in closer to kiss the redhead as he let the kiss linger for a little while, letting it last until he knew it started to get to her before he pulled away. 

"I'll see you soon, babe," said the man with a wink before he grabbed his things and walked inside the airport.

The first days were miserable for Todd, with the man texting Vixey in between meetings and when the seminar was too much for him that he feared he was going to fall asleep instantly. 

Ugh, save me. This is not meant for someone like me, I am not designed to sit down for hours and hours listening to speeches. How's Roxie? How's the city? Is it still daylight outside?

It was a task for him to do so. The last time he'd sit through so much talking was back in school and it had been two decades since then. At nights, after stripping out of his formal uniform and was cuddled under the covers, he facetimed Vixey to check on her, things, and Roxie -and hopefully get an interesting story about her rehearsals. Those were always funny.

Soon enough the three weeks were over and Todd couldn't wait to get back home, clearly by the way he was picking up his things and making his bags in his hotel room, more than ready to get out and take a cab to the airport. The fact that the man knew that he'd be sleeping in his own bed by the time it was nighttime was a promising thought that kept him going through the check-in and security line at the airport. 

He just couldn't believe it had been a whole month, but at least it had gone by quickly, and Todd just wanted to get back to his life, his routine, his job and his time with Roxie and Vixey.

"I'm going to miss you so much." Vixey grinned. She was thankful for the lingering kisses at the airport.

"Tell me everything and we can definitely facetime every night," she told him, "So you can see Roxie, of course.”

Their goodbye was long but as always not long enough. The airport was the one place where when you felt that feeling, you definitely weren't alone. Usually Vixey rolled her eyes at the sight of couples kissing and silly little kiss & fly zone signs that were visible at the drop off outside of the building but for the first time she knew the feeling. With one last kiss and wave Vixey disappeared back into the Uber as Todd disappeared through the doors. 

The first week seemed to crawl by as Vixey settled into her new routine, the new routine was really just taking care of Roxie which she didn't mind at all, it was nice having time with the dog, but she could definitely tell she was missing Todd. 

"Don't worry girl, I miss him too.." she would remind the golden as she made dinner, watching Roxie lay on the floor by the front door. It wouldn't take her long to coax her back into the kitchen with a treat or offering to toss one of her toys around. 

"We're good for each other right now, huh?" she'd say, ruffling her fur around her ears. Both of them missing the same guy. Roxie's ears would perk up as she heard Todd's voice over the phone and Vixey always showed Todd her little tail wagging in the background. 

"I'm not sure who's more excited to hear from you today," Vixey replied before snuggling into bed to hear about Todd's day. She couldn't help but laugh when he'd complain about sitting through workshops and speeches, Vixey thankful she didn't have to do much of that for her work, not anymore. 

She brought up the theatre conferences she used to go to while she was in college or while she was still trying to get a job performing. She told him about the summer she spent working for the worst small theatre ever, in the middle of nowhere with not much pay. They did a performance of Into the Woods that ended up being a complete disaster and another show Vixey couldn't even remember the name of because she had probably blocked out the memory. 

The second week felt a little more normal, though Vixey was still missing Todd, and Roxie too, the pair had settled into a nice routine. Vixey even snuck Roxie backstage on one of her night's off with her understudy going on stage and she was very obviously a favorite. 

Miss you, babe. Roxie is great and I think she's getting a little more spoiled than normal and I apologize for that. We're both doing well and can't wait for you to come home and tell us about all of the useful things you're learning. What's D.C. like? You know I've never actually been there. Wonder if I could perform on the National Mall one day for the 4th of July... 

She smiled at her phone at every message and looked forward to every call every night. Though one night she lost track of time and had a bath because of course Todd's tub was nicer than hers and she drank a little too much wine and was mid drying off when the call came... 

Though.. that did make for a fun chat. And probably both entertaining and frustrating for Todd. Fun all around! 

When his day of arrival finally came again Vixey woke early to get Roxie out and the house tidied up for Todd. She had called him early to double check his flight time and confirm his pickup and everything and she was so excited on the phone all she could do was pace back and forth in the apartment. 

After the call she sat her phone down on the counter and grabbed her purse and keys. She was only away from her phone for 5 minutes tops, getting ready to head back and call for an Uber but noticed she had several missed calls from her mom in a row which was super strange. Just as she sat her purse down it rang again and she answered on speaker so she could open Uber over the wifi and chat at the same time. 

"Hey, mom! Is everything okay, I'm sorry I missed a few calls. I'm just getting ready to head to the airport, Todd's flight comes in soo-" her mom quickly cut her off, sounding hysterical.

"Mom, what is," cut off again by a sob this time. She took the phone off speaker and placed it to her ear in a panic. 

"Is it dad? Mom are you okay, what's going on? I need you to take a deep breath and slow down." she explained, giving her mom another minute to attempt to compose herself 

"Vixey your dad and I are okay. I'm so sorry I should've called you yesterday but," 

"But what, mom?" whatever it is now made her feel sick in the pit of her stomach. 

"It's Emily, sweetie." 

"Emily? My sister, Emily? I haven't heard from her in four years, minus some instagram posts of Abigail. What happened? Are they okay?" Vixey loved her mother so much but the woman was about as useful as a telemarketer in a time of crisis. 

"She's gone, Vixey." 

Silence. Vixey wasn't exactly close to her sister, not since she had run off with that man Vixey didn't care for, the guy who stole her sister away. 

"Baby, I'm so sorr-" 

"Mom, I have to go. I have to get to the airport to pick up Todd and I still have to get a car, can I call you back?" 

"Of course, honey. We definitely need to talk later." 

Funeral arrangements, of course. 

"Yeah, mom. I'll be able to do whatever you all need, Grace will cover for me for the rest of the week. I love you, mom" 

Thankfully there was an Uber close so Vixey was able to book one in no time and it was probably for the best that she wouldn't be alone. She felt really weird. At one point her and Emily were super close, they shared everything, at least what they could. And when they weren't sharing everything Emily was too annoyed with Vixey trying to copy her every move. 

You're gonna be a good actress one day, kid. She'd tease her. 

Then Paul came along and took her to Texas and gave her a baby. And Emily hadn't spoken to Vixey since last Christmas, not even this year. There was nothing. But Vixey couldn't think about that right now. She needed to focus on getting Todd back and then she'd talk to him when they got home. 

Vixey would probably have to go to New Jersey for a few days and she wasn't sure Todd would be able to go, and she didn't exactly want him to meet her parents with a funeral, but.. it was going to be okay and Vixey would repeat that to herself for a long time. 

Once she arrived at the airport she hustled to the terminal to meet Todd and she was just in time as the plane had just landed within the last ten minutes. Once he was finally off she greeted him with a big smile, putting on her best actress face. 

"Todd!" she called, opening her arms to hug him. 

"Sorry, I thought about doing a whole cheesy sign thing but then I ran out of time. How was the flight?"

The man had been so excited to get home, already counting down the minutes left on the plane once he had reached the airport. Thankfully it wasn't a long flight, and before he knew it he'd landed safely, bags ready and him eager to get out finally and get back to the city. 

Of course, when he walked through the doors, there was a mass of people waiting on the other side. Families, parents, children; some taxi drivers with signs waiting for someone important. Todd fixed the strap of his bag as his eyes scanned the place for the redhead, only to quickly spot her as she got his attention. He made a beeline towards her, dropping the bags at his feet once he was in front of her to lift her up in a hug as he twirled around once before pressing a kiss to her lips, pulling away enough to look at her. 

"I missed you so much," said the man as he now took care of his bags, with one free hand to hold the redhead. 

"It was okay, I can't complain. I got free water since the snacks are so expensive. It's a good thing the breakfast lounge at the hotel was packed. I wouldn't have survived on some chips," said Todd with a chuckle while walking out of the airport, thank god.

Once inside the Uber and with the daze of seeing Vixey after a month, the man finally had a chance to look at her. Of course, at first sight, she looked like any other day; relaxed maybe for someone who didn't know her so well. 

Even if Todd had only had a couple of months -and an extra one during the summer- to learn and know the redhead, it had been enough time to pick up on things she did. Like pretending she was okay when she wasn't. 

"Is everything okay?" he asked gently, a hand landing on top of hers to catch her attention just in case his words weren't heard. 

"Nothing wrong at home? Work? Roxie?" the man knew that if it had been Roxie, the woman would have called him immediately and Todd would have made it back in record time. 

But he knew something was off, either something happened before today or earlier. By this point, Todd's whole body had turned towards her direction, giving her his complete attention - and ready to dodge whatever excuse she could throw at him if she didn't spill the beans right away- both of his hands taking a hold of hers.

In public Vixey could hold her composure and fake it well, she fed off the energy of those around her and it made it easier so while they were at the airport she had no trouble pretending to be alright. She couldn't help but hold the hug with Todd a little longer than she normally would. 

Once they were inside the Uber and Todd caught on, VIxey considered lying for a little while longer, at least until they were in the comfort of Todd's apartment, but there wouldn't be any use. Though she had spaced out a little, she heard Todd's question and looked at him with soft eyes. Her fingers intertwined with his and she shook her head, "Nothing is wrong at home, I promise. Roxie is perfectly fine, she has been the best companion over the last few weeks." 

Vixey wasn't quite ready to cry, honestly she was just still in shock. She hadn't had time to process much of anything yet, and she wasn't sure where to even begin because she hadn't mentioned her sister to Todd, she hadn't really mentioned her sister to anyone outside of her family. It all felt so weird. 

"Work is fine, I promise Roxie is fine, too." she had already said that but for some reason she felt the need to reiterate and stall. She was thankful for the light traffic. Hopefully they'd be home sooner than later. 

"My mom called me right before I left for the airport.." she began, averting her gaze to the back of the seat in front of her. 

"She was freaking out and I was worried it was my dad or something but he's fine, they're fine" She found herself pausing to breathe slow deep breaths. 

"I don't talk about her much, mostly because we haven't really spoken much in the last seven or so years, but I have a sister, well- I.." she stopped, staring ahead. 

"My sister, Emily, something happened, I don't know what, I had to get mom off the phone so I could go but I've got to call her back. And I'll probably have to spend a few days in New Jersey with them setting up funeral arrangements.."

Todd looked intently at the redhead, feeling the touch of her hands but reading something more from them; as if she was holding on to avoid the breakthrough of a heavy burden, and the man could just rub the back of her hands with his thumbs to try and alleviate the unknown until he could finally learn all the details. 

He listened but didn't at the same time as Vixey began to mention all the things that were okay like his home, Roxie, or work, but he just couldn't stop the way his gaze softened at her as he tried to comprehend what was happening. 

Of course, this wasn't the most promising place to have such a talk, let alone he didn't want the redhead to start crying inside a random Uber in the middle of the street. There was still a considerable distance between them and his home; something told him that these were huge news, but worse still.

The man listened carefully when Vixey began to explain, him scooting a little closer to her. He wouldn't have been able to stop his breathing catching in his throat at the sudden realization of the news she had received, looking at her while Todd himself tried to let it sink as well. He, after all, knew this feeling of getting the worst call possible too well, the shock, the many questions, and the eventual breakdown that came crashing down after. And like her, Todd hadn't really had any chance to talk about his family at all -or the lack of one for that matter. 

"Vixey, I'm so sorry," said the man as his hands gently squeezed her hands, just to remind her that he was there with her. Present. No wonder she had looked a little off at the airport. Without him noticing, they had arrived at his apartment, with the man quickly getting out of the car and helping the woman out as he carried his bags. 

"Come on, let's get inside," he said softly at her, bringing them both inside. He wished he could have greeted Roxie with a lot more enthusiasm than he did, but even the pup had noticed a shift in the environment the second the woman had stepped inside, instantly moving to Vixey's heel after Todd had scratched her head.

"Hey," said the man as he wrapped his arms around her, now safely secured by the privacy of his home and Todd's arms as he hugged her tight. 

"If you need me to go with you to New Jersey, I can do it no problem. Okay?" he said softly as he rubbed her back gently. 

"You can stay here with me too, as long as you need. Anything you need, I got you," said Todd as he gently pulled away to look at her, placing a kiss on her temple.

Vixey was more than thankful for the safety and comfort of Todd's apartment. There was a feeling of instant relief once they had gotten in, Roxie also sensing something was off. The redhead collapsed into Todd's arms as he pulled her close. 

"Thank you," she said, face against his shoulder. 

"I don't want you to feel like you have to go with me, I know you've already been away from work so I don't want to make things difficult for you," she told him. It was going to be weird anyway considering the rift in Vixey's relationship with her sister and her mother. Vixey's father still kept up with Emily every now and then but like Vixey, their mom hadn't been a fan of the guy who she left with. 

"Mine and my mom's relationship with my sister wasn't exactly great." She didn't want Todd to feel awkward.

"But seriously, thank you, I really appreciate that, I think it would feel too weird being alone. I mean I'm sad, it's really sad, but it's also strange.. I heard from her last Christmas and it was a short facetime call and I had reached out a few times over the previous year but she never got back. It was weird.." Vixey explained the situation to Todd, moving to the living room. 

Just as she went to sit down her phone began to ring again. It was her mom calling again. 

"And it's my mom.. I told her I'd call her back later," Vixey was a little frustrated but it also felt wrong to be frustrated because this situation was entirely out of her control. 

"Hey mom.." Vixey's voice was soft as she sat on the couch, shifting her gaze between Todd and the floor. 

"We just got back from the airport, I'm sorry I was going to call you later." 

"Tell Todd we're glad he made it back safe." 

"Thank you, I am too." 

"Honey I hate to bug you but it would be better for you to get here sooner rather than later, tomorrow would be best. We need to talk."

That was weird. Of course they needed to talk, her sister was dead. 

"Well I know there's probably a lot to do but what is it that I've got to be there? Can we talk now? Or I can call you later? Mom, I'm honestly not sure what we need to talk about that can't be sorted later.." 

There was a sense of urgency in her mom's voice that made her uneasy. She heard her mom sniffle on the other end and her dad telling her in the background to go ahead and 'prepare her'. 

"Mom what's dad talking about? What does he mean by prepare her? Prepare who?" 

"Vix it's about Abigail. We're going to need to talk about living arrangements." 

"What do you mean living arrangements?" 

"Your sister had you listed as her conservator." The phone slipped from Vixey's hand and hit the floor.

"Vixey, it's no problem at all. This trip was work either way, so if anything they owe me for making me have to be away from the firehouse. Besides, I never really take holidays. I have enough days to cover as much as you need for me to stay with you," said Todd as he hugged the woman tight, giving her as much time as she needed to let it go before pulling away. 

"I just don't want you to deal with all of this alone. I know it's hard and it's tough," said the man, looking at her softly but talking from experience. 

Whether she'd want to know more about that or no, Todd was already decided in making the trip with her and staying for as long as she'd need. 

"Of course, babe. You can take it as slow as you need, and I'll be here for whatever. I'll make some tea for you, okay?" said the man after she spoke as they moved to the living room, letting her take the couch while he moved to the kitchen, and on right timing when he heard the phone ringing, knowing it was probably her mother and betting she'd need a couple of minutes alone to deal with that -as alone as she could be with the fluffy golden retriever setting her head on her lap to keep her company and give her support. 

The man busied himself setting up the electric kettle and the tea for the redhead, already knowing this would be a long and hard process not only for Vixey but for her family as well. And yes, in other circumstances, meeting her family would be a big deal, but right now he couldn't care less about the implications and expectations of it when she was hurting and funerals were a given to be an emotional turmoil. 

His own experience had been harsh enough, but also he was 18 and alone dealing with the funeral arrangements of the only family he'd known. At least Vixey had the support system of her parents; him and Roxie too. 

When he heard a loud thud noise hitting the floor, Todd quickly walked out of the kitchen only to find her phone on the floor and the woman sitting like a statue, with Roxie whining uncomfortably as a sign of alert as she looked at the man for any help. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" said the man as he took the phone and hang up the call for now; clearly she wouldn't be able to keep on talking for the next minute. 

"Vixey, are you okay?"

Vixey starred unblinking for what felt like an eternity but was probably only less than a minute. She could feel Todd close and the sound of Roxie's whining brought her back. The redhead found herself taking a deep breath and closing her eyes for just a moment, attempting to make sense of the thing her mom just said to her. 

"I think my mom is confused.." was all she managed, opening her eyes to look at Todd who was now holding her phone. 

"I think she's confused and I'm just going to have to text her that I'll be home in the morning but I can't talk to them right now."

Vixey felt like a crazy person and she wasn't sure if chalking it up to her mom not knowing what she said was a defense mechanism or not.. Which, Vixey was obviously experiencing early stages of grief over something she'd only known for a few hours so it wasn't exactly unheard of. She just felt like she was beginning to suffocate. 

Vixey stayed seated on the couch, her head in her hands, and sighed. "My sister has a daughter, Abigail. I think she's four now? Or almost four?"

Some people probably thought it was awful that she hardly knew her niece but it was only because her sister and fiance, more so the fiance, kept her from Vixey and their parents. 

"Emily met this guy while we were on a vacation down in Florida and I didn't like him very much, and he pretended to like me until he started dating my sister a few months later after moving to New Jersey.." It was so weird recounting this experience and as Vixey spoke she realized she had never told anyone about any of this. 

"He became very protective of my sister but she played it off as new love and I tried to not think much of it." She sighed again, bringing her head up to look at Todd now. 

"Paul, that's his name.. Anyway, they got married and moved to Texas and Emily and I were still in touch semi-regularly after she moved and a few months later she found out she was pregnant and we were so excited, I was going to be Aunt Vixey just like I had always wanted and it was going to be great and then Abigail was born and Paul got weird, again. He didn't want Emily to talk to me and the whole thing was just bad but she was hours away and I didn't know what to do.." It was going to be difficult to not place any blame on herself. 

"We heard from her that one Christmas and nothing else since. Mom would get emotional when I would ask if she had heard from her so a few months ago I stopped checking in. But now mom told me apparently my sister had me listed as a guardian for Abby but Paul is her dad so that can't be right." she ran her fingers through her hair, keeping her breathing steady as she spoke but settling farther back on the couch and pulling her knees to her chest. 

"I don't know, I'll just have to wait until tomorrow, I can't talk to any of them anymore today without being there." 

By this point Roxie had climbed up on the couch next to her and Vixey was able to rest a hand on the pup. If anything Todd and Roxie would be exactly the comfort that she needs.

By now, Todd had moved from crouching next to Vixey to taking a seat on the couch next to her as he placed the phone on the coffee table while looking at her with a soft gaze. Roxie was just as alert as he was, constantly trying to smudge her head in between the redhead's hands to lick her face while he tried to pull her back a little to give Vixey some space. 

It was clear that everything was beginning to hit her like a truck at the moment, and the man knew it was only going to get worse by the time the day went on. His hand moved to rest against her arm while his thumb gently caressed her skin, patiently waiting as she spoke and explained the whole situation. Of course, he didn't know a thing about her family because the redhead hadn't said much about them, but also they had been started dating just a month ago, so it wasn't exactly something so bad. And he wasn't one to judge her for that either. 

Todd listened carefully as Vixey explained the situation with her sister, her niece, and her brother-in-law apparently. Obviously, it all rubbed him the wrong way and understood the worry coming from her mother about the situation. He didn't have siblings, but having Copper all his life that acted like a brother to him gave him some sort of glimpse of what it was like, but Todd also understood that it couldn't be even close to the real thing.

He took a deep breath, as he placed a hand over Vixey's with a gentle touch. 

"Okay. Well, what we can do is take it one step at a time for now. So, when you're ready you can text your mom. I'm going to bring you your tea and we can stay here if you want, or leave. Or anything that you want to do, alright?" said Todd as he leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead before standing up and moving to the kitchen. 

The whole situation sucked, obviously and it was worse after knowing the whole story. From what he could tell -or assume really- was that probably something happened to the father as well, meaning that if Vixey was being contacted to be the guardian of this little girl, things would change. The man couldn't help but wonder if her niece looked like her at all, but who knew. He wasn't worried about that, in fact, Todd was more than ready to help and support the redhead in everything she needed, even if right now it meant to help her feel as okay as she could while thinking of the next step to take. 

"Here you go," said the mas as he handed her the cup, moving to grab the blanket thrown over the couch to wrap her shoulders with it. 

"And I'm sorry, but I think Roxie is on Vixey duty today," said the man with a chuckle as he watched the pup snuggle as close as she could to the woman, while Todd sat on the other side while bringing an arm around her shoulders.

While Todd busied himself making tea, Vixey texted her mom, letting her know that they'd be coming home in the morning but that she needed a little time this evening to process. Thankfully her mom was accepting of that and Vixey was thankful. She'd rather that than spending the evening feeling guilty for checking out. The next few days were going to be a lot though so Vixey was glad. 

"You're the best, and I mean that." Vixey said with a weak but sincere smile as Todd settled next to her with tea and a blanket. 

"I think I would rather stay here for the evening. Maybe we could get some takeout and watch a movie, or something that requires little thought processing." She definitely didn't want to be alone and she definitely didn't want to head home yet. 

"I'll need to go to my apartment and get some things for the next few days but I can do that later." she took a sip of the tea and leaned close to Todd. 

She was also going to need to make some calls to their production staff announcing her leave for at least the rest of the week and let them know that she may need more time but she would let them know. 

She hated stepping out of a show like this. People paid to see the show as a whole, sure, but people also definitely came to see the headliners. She saw a post on her instagram about it in her future. Not that she owed anyone anything but she did like for people to know she didn't want to be out. What a weird time to live in. 

"Thank you, I know I've already said that and I'm just warning you that I'm going to be saying it at least a hundred more times and I'm apologizing in advance. I'm also apologizing in advance for apologizing so much. I know I shouldn't and this is way out of my control but I just want you to know. I say sorry too much" It was a hard habit to break. 

"But I guess we can go to my parents in the morning. They're in the suburbs right outside of the city on the Jersey side, it's like an hour total from my apartment via transit. And you really don't have to come," she said knowing he would come regardless.

"I know you will but I just don't want you to feel like you have to."

"Alright, we can do that no problem. Roxie will be thrilled to know she gets you here one more day," said the man with a smile as he watched the dog snuggle her head in between Vixey's arm just so she could boop her nose against her cheek. 

"We can definitely come with you if you want some company while you get your stuff together. I actually think this girl right here left a toy at your place the other day. Might as well recover it while we can," said Todd with a chuckle as his hand gave the pup's head some scratches. 

The man also made a mental note to pack a new bag -much smaller than the one he took to DC- and call Copper so he'd come and check on Roxie while he was gone which he already knew he wouldn't say much about it since he loved the golden and she loved him too. Maybe he'd take her to his place as well. But he'd also need to call the firehouse and pull out every extra shift, favor, and seminar he'd been dragged to, to get a week off for this emergency. At least it was New Jersey so it wasn't that far either way if anything came up that required his presence in the firehouse.

Todd could only smile back at Vixey as she thanked him, apologized, and explained herself all in one sentence, making the man softly chuckle as he pressed a kiss to her temple. 

"It's okay, babe. I'll remind you that it's okay every time," said the man as he rubbed her arm gently with his hand. 

"And for your reassurance, I'm not going because I have to. I'm coming because I want to, and I want to support you through all of this. I can ask a favor and get the car from a friend to go to New Jersey. I saved him once from a fire, so he owes me big. That way we don't need to worry about an Uber being late and we can make it as quick as you need," said the man as he pressed a kiss against her shoulder. 

"I'm here for you," said the man before a bark interrupted him, making him chuckle as he booped Roxie's nose with his finger. 

"We're here for you, babe. Anything you need."

"I think a walk might be a good idea." Vixey smiled at the offer to walk to her apartment. She knew she could use the fresh air after this morning, even if it was a little cold. She gave Roxie's head another scratch. 

"If anything comes up with work and you've got to come home please know that's perfectly fine. I know you said it'll be okay but I just want you to know that I'll be okay." It was going to be a long week for sure. 

As Todd reassured her she smiled. She was nervous about what was to come, for her mom to tell her the thing about her niece something else had to be going on. And what if she was telling the truth? Vixey would have custody of a whole kid overnight. Vixey hadn't even given full thought to a family of her own someday, which was probably not standard for a thirty-six year old woman but she had always been so focused on herself she hadn't had time to think about someone else. Plus she had been single since meeting Todd so Todd was her first relationship where the thought might be considered. It was a lot to take in. 

"I'm very thankful for you," she smiled, leaning in to press a kiss against Todd's cheek. 

"And you too, Rox."

Knowing they could have a car helped a lot. Vixey had been planning on finally buying her own car but storage in the city was almost more than the car itself over time. She'd have to move to the suburbs before that happened. But maybe that was going to happen sooner than she thought. Vixey's one bedroom apartment was definitely not made for a kid. It was simply the perfect size for Vixey and really only her, that was partially why she liked staying with Todd at his apartment, and Roxie, of course.

Later that day, after they had ventured out in the cold to Vixey's apartment and she was able to pack a bag, she could feel herself growing more and more tired. It was definitely going to be an early bedtime night for her and that was probably for the best. She was going to need to be well rested for the days ahead. 

When the evening finally came that was just what happened. Vixey found herself with barely enough energy for dinner but Todd didn't seem to mind. He had done an amazing job being for her throughout the day, which with the exception of being tired, she seemed alright. 

Of course she was off and her head was buzzing with a million different things but she was still able to laugh and talk with Todd and play with Roxie and it was good to keep her mind occupied. She wanted to talk more about Abigail, at least of what she knew about the little girl, and show him the pictures her sister had posted, but she had been avoiding the topic, at least until she knew what was going to happen for sure. 

At least she could sleep well that night knowing she wasn't alone, and that the production crew were prepared to fill in for her absence. When she finally called their stage manager and director that afternoon they instructed her to take as much time as she needed, her stage manager even asking to put Todd on so they could make it clear to him as well, knowing good and well Vixey would jump back on stage in two days if she could just to distract herself. They wanted her to take her time and know that they'd have everything taken care of and ready for her return - whenever that would be.

Vixey woke the next morning groggy but well rested after an early night snuggled in bed with Todd and Roxie. She went through her usual routine of breakfast and coffee, something she probably wouldn't have done if she were alone, just the coffee, but she was trying to be conscious and take care of herself - Todd was going to make sure that happened either way and he was definitely helping. 

Before she knew it she was pacing around, playing with Roxie here and there to distract herself while Todd finished getting ready. 

"I'm sorry we're going to leave you again, sweet girl. Your dad just got back to you and I'm already stealing him for a few days." 

As the day went by, Todd had already made the calls to the firehouse as he explained the situation and his absence for the next week for now. He wasn't even allowed to say anything about his free days before his Chief cut him off mid-sentence and immediately allowed him to leave for as long as he needed, after all, Todd never missed a shift, worked extra and he was the one who constantly made the trips to seminars nobody wanted to attend to. The whole firehouse owed it to him; his Chief told him he'd cover for the next shifts and if any vital emergency presented itself, he'd call Todd. 

Then he called Copper to make sure Roxie would be taken care of while he was away and after some explaining, his best friend didn't need any more information to agree right away. 

"Hey man, listen. This is a huge step. I'm not doubting you or anything, but if you or Vixey need help I got you. I'm sure Mary wouldn't mind some playdates with the kids. That little girl would love some friends, I bet. And the kids have been asking for uncle Todd more than I wish to admit," said Copper over the phone as Todd turned around for a second to check on the redhead, 

"Yeah. That sounds like a good idea. I guess I'll meet her first and then we'll see how it goes. But playdates are a must, with Roxie. They'll go nuts. But thanks man, I owe you one." 

"You owe me more than a million dollars but okay," said Copper with a laugh before hanging up.

Todd had taken care of the car and had everything ready the night before for the trip to New Jersey. Copper already had a key to his apartment, Roxie's bowls had fresh water and food, and he'd bought extra treats for her. She'd gotten extra snuggles that night, to which the pup took every advantage she could. After breakfast, the man had taken care of their bags before it was finally time to leave, already crouching down with Roxie. 

"It's okay," he said with a smile as he gave her scratchies.

"She's a big, brave girl. She knows how to take care of herself. Besides, uncle Copper will be here soon and you'll have fun too," said Todd as he placed a kiss on her head. 

"Alright, I'm ready," he said as he offered his hand to the redhead.

"You ready?" asked the man as he looked at her, knowing that was the start of a rough trip but at least she wasn't going to do all this alone.

Once inside the car, Todd drove away and to the New Jersey exit, putting out some soft music to ease up the mood knowing the redhead's head was probably a turmoil. His hand reached out for hers, as his thumb gently caressed the back of her palm.

"How are you holding up, superstar?" asked the man while he drove, taking a chance to pause on a red light to look at her. 

"Oh, by the way, I stopped on the way from gas to buy flowers for your mom. I thought it'd be nice," said Todd as he glanced at the sunflowers he'd managed to get, and managed to keep in good condition. 

It was a one-hour trip, they would be just fine until New Jersey. The man had also made sure to bring a toy firefighter helmet, from the firehouse. Figuring that would be a good way to break the ice with the little girl.

Vixey smiled as they said goodbye to Roxie. She had yet to meet Copper but he sounded like a great guy and Vixey was sure they'd meet sooner or later. She nodded as Todd asked if she was ready and helped him put their things in the car. 

Once she was settled in the car and they were on their way she gave his hand a squeeze and looked his way as he drove. 

"I'm okay, I thing, I guess as okay as anyone could be right now, you know?" she asked.

"It's so weird, I was close to her for a while and then not and it's just strange how that can affect someone and how you feel about them. I mean I'm really upset but I also hadn't heard from her in over a year so it doesn't seem real.." She knew it would though and it would be pretty quick. 

But she smiled at the flowers he picked up for her mom. "My mom will love them and she will love you, she already does and she hardly knows you." Vixey gave his hand another squeeze. 

"My mom is sweet but it's hard to tell how she's going to be this week. She'll still be nice but her and my sister, who was older than me by six years, had a strained relationship for some reason. I never quite understood it and I think Emily resented me a little, thinking I was the favorite." 

Sometimes she felt guilty for that, and now she especially did. 

"She's probably going to be a mess." the redhead sighed and looked ahead. 

"My dad will love that you came with me, and will probably show you his two vintage cars in the garage and talk to you about them for hours because he never gets to show them off anymore. Don't let him con you into helping him 'work' on them." the grinned.

"They're not really broken, he just wants an excuse to show you every part under the hood." The thought of him doing just that with Todd made her laugh softly and that felt good. 

Once they were across the stateline and close to the house, Vixey braced herself. She did finally find the courage to ask her mom when Abby would be at the house and she told her later that evening. They'd at least have a few hours to talk through things. She felt nervous but the feeling of Todd's hand helped calm her. 

"Alright," once they pulled up she looked at him. 

"Let's do this." 

Vixey's mom was already at the door ready to greet them, a corgi at her heels, the other one probably wherever her dad was. Her eyes looked tired and sad but she looked happy to greet her daughter and Todd. She opened the door and Scout came running to the redhead and her new friend, her little stub of a tail wagging behind her. 

"Vixey!" her mom reached for her. 

"Hi, Todd, I've heard so much about you."

She greeted him with open arms as well. The corgi kept sniffing Todd and Vixey's shoes, obviously smelling Roxie. 

"And I'm sorry we're not exactly meeting under happy circumstances but we are very excited to meet you and we're so thankful for everything you've done for Vixey, I know she keeps telling me she couldn't do this without you and she always sounds like she's glowing on the other end of the phone."

Todd listened carefully while driving, catching as many details as he could about her family story and all that had transpired; it would be helpful once the time to face it all came. It was a terrible thing that there would be a piece of her that he'd never meet, but it was the same for her with him as well. 

His hand gave her a squeeze as the redhead spoke about her sister resenting her. Obviously, he didn't know her, he never would and he'd never know her side of the story, but still; that argument was an ill one that he couldn't quite believe, not when the woman really didn't have anything on her to make her carry such a burden, let alone when the other part left her with that. 

"Well, I'll still say she's pretty and that I know where you got your pretty genes from," he teased with a smile to try and alleviate the mood and turmoil she was under. 

"I love cars too. So I'll ask as many questions as he wants me to and listen to him explaining them. Do they ride? I'd love to take a lap on one of them, if he lets me, of course. We both like vintage things after all. Him and his cars, and me and my records. But I am willing to earn as many points in my favor as possible while I visit your parents. It's a double mission," said the man as he smiled while looking ahead, his thumb caressing her skin lovingly to reassure her that despite the circumstances Todd was here to make it suck a little less.

"Let's do this," said Todd as well as he cut the power of the car and got out, already greeted by the fresh air outside of the city, the barks and butt wiggles of the corgis, and her mother's greeting. The man hugged her back with a warm embrace, one that said how sorry he was for it all, coming from someone who understood this experience better than anyone. 

"It is very nice to meet you, ma'am. And I know under other circumstances, this would be a lovely meeting either way. Oh! I brought you this," said Todd as he pulled away just to get the flowers out of the car. 

"Just a little something to brighten up everything, they managed to stay good the whole ride. Fresh from this morning," he said with a chuckle as he handed the sunflowers to Vixey's mom. 

Of course, he had noticed the small noses digging into his pants and shoes, knowing they were catching the scent of his Roxie. 

"And who are you little fellas?" asked the man as he crouched to greet them, letting them smell his hand and his scent before scratching the head.

"Why don't you two go ahead and I'll take care of these bags, hm?" said Todd as he nodded at Vixey, knowing they probably had a lot to talk about and it was probably best if they started that conversation sooner than later. 

Besides, a couple of bags was nothing that the man couldn't deal with. And something told him that those corgis hadn't had enough of him and the scent of his girl. 

"Are you guys going to help me with the bags too? Alright," said Todd with a chuckle as he looked at them wagging their whole bodies while opening the car.

Vixey knew Todd would be more than willing to do whatever was necessary to get along with her parents, and it wouldn't take much, they already liked him and they didn't even know him. Vixey's mom smiled brightened at the sight of the flowers. 

"Oh Todd you didn't have to do that but thank you, these are so beautiful and will definitely brighten up the kitchen." 

Vixey's mom admired the flowers, standing a few inches taller than VIxey with hair that was more of a strawberry blonde but you could tell her side of the family was where the red hair genes came from. 

"Hi Scout, hi Georgie" Vixey greeted the pups. It hadn't been too long since she had seen them but of course to them it felt like an eternity. 

She looked over her shoulder as she walked into the house with her mom, chuckling at the corgis watching Todd intently as he grabbed their bags. 

"It's so good to see you, Vix." Vixey smiled and put her purse down by the door. 

"It's good to see you too, mom, I'm sorry it couldn't be under other circumstances." The house was quiet and she was thankful for that. 

"Where's dad?" 

"He's out sorting some things with the funeral home for tomorrow. We want to get things done in a day, seeing visitors in the morning and going to the gravesite in the afternoon, we just want it over with." She could hear the strain in her voice.

"I'm so sorry, mama," Vixey walked over and pulled her mom into a tight hug. The pair lingered for a few moments longer but Vixey didn't mind. She knew her dad wasn't much for hugging like Todd was with VIxey so her mom probably needed the physical contact. 

The redhead felt the tears welling up behind her eyes but she looked up, doing her best to hold them back. She knew if she started crying her mom would and it just wouldn't be fun for anyone - not that any of what was happening was fun. Vixey would cry later.

Vixey's mom pulled from the hug as Todd was coming in and wiped her eyes before leading Todd to Vixey's room and Vixey was low key thankful she had redesigned her room a few weeks ago so it now resembled more of a traditional guest room as opposed to the room of a girl who was in high school in the early 2000s. 

"Here, dear, I'll show you where you're staying so you can drop those bags. And don't worry, no one else is staying here this week, the rest of the family are staying elsewhere so it'll be nice and quiet." she explained, showing Todd to the room, Vixey lingering down the hall to watch. 

"And thank you so much again for coming with our girl. I know she appreciates you and we do too. Things are about to change." she reached out and gave Todd's arm a squeeze before disappearing down the hall back to the kitchen, motioning for Vixey to follow. 

"Can I get you all anything? Tea, water? I just baked some bread so there's fresh bread and ingredients for sandwiches in the fridge if you'd like anything. I know the trip isn't long but it is almost lunch time."

Todd easily carried the bags inside, careful not to step or touch the courgis even though they were too rowdy -with reason with a new friend in the house that smelled like another dog- so avoiding any contact with them until his hands were free for scratchies was the goal. 

The man was careful not to touch anything or pass by anything with the bags, not wanting to add breaking an old vessel or a frame to the tensed-up moment that the family was living. He hadn't even noticed the women in the other room only when he heard Vixey's mother talking to him, while he just followed her down the hall to the room, not even mentioning anything about the teary eyes or the sniffles he'd manage to hear while passing by. This was their moment and he was nothing but to be respectful. 

"Thank you very much, and for welcoming me into your home too," said Todd with a smile as he put the bags down, his hand gently landing over the older woman's as he smiled warmly at her.

The man's eyes looked at Vixey before looking back at her mother, "I'll take a cup of tea, sure," he said with a nod as he moved next to Vixey, gently wrapping a hand around her back, just to make sure she was okay with everything going on now that it was more real than ever before he followed her mother to the kitchen. 

"So these little fellas here," said Todd as he nodded at the corgis that had managed to follow him to the room and back, on his toes and eager to get more of this new scent. He just knew they would go nuts with Roxie in the flesh, not to mention she was quite young as well. A year and a half, still a puppy at heart despite her size. 

"How old are they? They seem like they have energy for weeks," he teased with a chuckle, hoping to bring the older woman's attention to something far nicer than the topic that was the theme of the day and week for that matter. 

"I have a golden retriever named Roxie back at home. I got her just a couple of years ago from an adoption center, she's my little girl. She keeps me in shape too, eager for some early morning walks around the city."

"Tea sounds great, mom." Vixey agreed with Todd, leaning against him as he wrapped his arm around her. 

The corgis, who had settled a little now that everyone was inside, were switching between following Vixey's mom and sniffing around Todd and Vixey's feet. 

"Oh VIxey's told us all about Roxie, she sent us pictures of her while she was staying with her. She looks so sweet." Her mom busied herself with preparing tea for the three of them. 

"The darker brown one with the white heart on her butt is Scout. She's eight and mom's shadow. The lighter blonde one is George and he's five and still a little rambunctious. He bullies Scout into playing with him and he gets mad at her when she lays down and stops playing." Vixey explained. 

"We've always had corgis, ever since Vixey was little and insisted we adopt one, though it was difficult to adopt them because no one really puts corgis up for adoption unless they're new babies." 

"Scout is wide awake now but give her ten minutes or so and she'll be snoozing somewhere." 

Finally her mom turned back to the counter and placed two mugs of hot tea in front of them and took one for herself. She was quiet for a few minutes, but Vixey could see the wheels turning. She was avoiding the inevitable and Vixey knew it'd be better to get whatever it was over with. 

"So," Vixey spoke up, stirring her tea slowly. 

"The thing you mentioned on the phone, about Abby.. What did you mean by guardian? Why isn't Paul taking her?" Vixey was curious, preparing for the worst. Vixey's mom looked up and bit her lip before speaking. 

"I'm sorry, VIx I thought you knew.. He dropped out of nowhere a few months ago. They said it was a brain aneurysm. I didn't realize Emily hadn't said anything to you." 

"Emily and I hadn't exactly talked for the last year or so - at all." Vixey was trying to hide the hurt in her voice because it wasn't her mom's fault and she certainly didn't want to cause any strain. 

"So, with him gone, and his family wanting nothing to do with her, Emily listed you as her legal guardian should anything happen. We're old, we can't take care of a baby again for 18 years, Vix." 

Vixey stared down at her tea, watching the swirling liquid, unblinking. She had gone from Aunt Vixey to .. mom Vixey overnight. 

"Now I know it's a lot to take in and there is a lot to straighten out." Her mom was prepared to be as frank as possible which was for the best, "You could of course relinquish responsibilities, there'd be some paperwork - well, there's going to be a lot of paperwork regardless, but with that Abby could go into the foster system and we could try to get her but who knows how long that would take." 

"This is all so messed up.." Vixey whispered, her head beginning to spin. 

"Of course I'm not going to do that," 

"I know, honey, I just wanted to make sure you knew." Vixey was hearing loud and clear. 

"We've been in contact with the social worker. Abby will be here tonight but we've agreed to keep her for a little while so you can go home and straighten whatever you need out. We can help as much as we can but at the end of the day, she's yours now." 

"I think I need some air.." Vixey interrupted, standing from her spot and heading out onto the back porch. It was cold but the air was fresh and she was afraid if she sat there any longer she'd be sick, or pass out. She made her way to the porch railing, resting her elbows against the wood and her head in her hands.

Todd accepted the tea and listened as the two women explained it all about the corgis, how they got them, and their respective personalities. He smiled and chuckled at the stories, knowing that he'd had more about Roxie to share when the time was right. 

At the moment when the mood changed, the man simply sipped on his tea while looking between the pair. Todd recalled the detail the redhead had mentioned regarding Abigail, and that Vixey was her guardian. And as her mother went on to explain, his suspicions were only confirmed, making the woman the only choice for the little girl to have any sort of stability in between her own family, or at least the one that wanted her still. 

That was a harsh reality. Todd had been in her shoes almost 40 years ago but he was just a baby with no recollection of his parents; he couldn't even begin to understand how that little girl felt. Way too scared and lost without her mom or dad.

As they spoke, Todd made sure to catch as much detail as possible, reserving any questions for later when the mood wasn't so tense but catching whatever important information he thought would be helpful later on. 

But it was quickly becoming too much in so little time; for him it was overwhelming and he could only imagine what the whole process had been for them as a family. Sure enough, he felt Vixey stand up, watching her walk away suffocated from it all. 

"It's okay, I'll go," said Todd with a soft smile towards her mother before the man walked outside to search for the redhead. Once he found her, the man slowly walked up to her, leaning on the spot by her side. He gave her a minute before gently settling a hand on her back as if to bring her back to reality from her little bubble. 

"Hey," said the man while looking at her with a warm gaze.

"It's a lot, hm?" he said as his hand gently rubbed her back, still present. Still there. Todd had not moved an inch away from this whole process, nevertheless now that he knew all of the details behind it.

But the man was still there. "I just want you to know, whatever you decide on doing, I'm here. I got you," said Todd with a soft smile. 

He knew this was a lot, and probably something that would make any man run away from with so much pressure and sudden responsibilities set upon them. But for Todd, it didn't faze him at all, but rather just made him easily step into the role without a second thought. And it was also because he understood that little girl without knowing her yet and knew what she was going through.

Vixey had to lean against the railing because all of the sudden she felt like she was going to faint. She knew her mom only meant to inform Vixey of everything and like Vixey, her mom wasn't the best at holding onto information that someone else needed to know. It was a classic Addison family move to info drop too much at once. 

"Hey..." Vixey said, face against the palms of her hands, still leaning over. 

She was overwhelmed. She was overwhelmed with grief, with looming responsibilities, with the knowledge that her relationship was probably about to change.. It was perfectly normal for her to react the way she had but at the same time Vixey was mostly a composed person when things weren't going well. 

In times of panic she was usually calm and a voice of reason and she was proud of that so it was extra tough letting her guard down right now. She was just thankful it was in front of Todd and her mom and no one else. At least for now. Her internal monologue was going to have words of encouragement on repeat until further notice. 

Finally, she raised her head and looked at Todd. He was so sweet and sincere and reminding her that he was going to be right there and she knew he meant it but she still felt bad. 

"You know you don't have to, right?" she had to get these thoughts out of her head and it was better to do it now rather than later. 

"We've only been together for a few months, we're still getting to know each other ourselves and now I'm going to be a mom and I don't even get the usual nine months to prepare." Those months seemed like a luxury rather than a pain to Vixey at the moment.

"This is going to change things, a lot, a lot more than I think they will. I don't really have much of a choice and it's really difficult for me to not be angry right now.." she felt those tears welling up behind her eyes again and this time a few tears began to escape. She was almost positive this was the first time she had cried in front of him, at least fully. 

"I'm angry at my sister, and I feel really guilty for that because she didn't do anything. All she did was choose someone she knew would love the crap out of a kid and I'm angry at her. I'm angry at the powers that be that decided that her time was up, leaving a four year old with no one.. It's not fair.." she sighed, wiping her face with the back of her hand.

"You don't have to do anything. I won't hold it against you if you leave, you didn't sign up for this. We've hardly talked about our families with each other, let alone talked about a future together and what our plans or dreams are family wise - we don't know any of that about each other and I will have no hard feelings if this it for you." Vixey meant it, too. 

She'd never force someone to stick around with a kid on the way, especially a kid that existed because of someone else. Todd had no ties to this one and she wasn't going to force him to stick around if he didn't want to.

Todd's words were nothing but the truth as in his mind he had already decide to move in with this and Vixey and this little girl for the foreseeable future; the thought of stepping down or pulling out of it this situation never crossed his mind, so when the redhead began to say that he was free to go and to tap out if he'd wanted, the only thing the man did was move a little closer to her. 

His hand gently landed over one of hers as he let the woman talk all her points out -and practically she had assumed every worst possible scenario from that small conversation with her mother- and all that she needed to say, without interrupting and his face showing no judgment. When the first tear fell out, Todd gently wiped it away with his fingers, brushing a few of her ginger locks behind her ear. 

"It's okay to be angry," said the man gently, "It's okay to cry, feel frustrated, and confused. That's perfectly normal, babe. I'm not going to judge you for that," said Todd with a soft smile; the man knew exactly those feelings and what she was going through, knowing every step of grief.

"But," he said as he waited to have her attention, "Have I, at any point, made it seem like I didn't want anything to do with all this? With your situation? With your niece that will walk into your life to stay?" 

Todd looked at Vixey with nothing but warmth in his eyes as his hand moved to gently rub her back. 

"Vixey, I don't know why you go and assume what I'm thinking or what I'll do next," he said with a chuckle, this exact situation happening to them when they broke up the first time and when she stumbled into his apartment to make things up. The man hadn't said two words and yet the redhead had come up with a whole world in her head without him even knowing. 

"Stop assuming that I'm not going to play the part, or that I don't want to do this. I do. I'm not saying that I'll be here for you or that you got me out of courtesy. I truly am willing to help you with everything that is going on because I want to. So, stop trying to think or talk for me, and just let me help you, okay?" Todd's arms then opened as they pulled her into a hug, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"And as for the family talk, well," he said with a smile as he pulled away from her a little.

"We have a little bit of time to talk before your niece arrives here. If you're up for that. I mean we got tea," said the man with a chuckle.

Vixey listened patiently as Todd laid out his thoughts and she nodded slowly, still sniffling. Sure Todd had noticed by now but Vixey was definitely an "assume the worst but maybe the best might happen but also maybe not" kind of person. She hated that she automatically assumed the worst and tried her best sometimes to think otherwise. That wasn't happening right now, though. 

"I know." she replied, "I'm sorry for assuming anything. You've caught on but that's kind of how my brain works, especially when I get stressed." she explained, "But no, you haven't made it seem like you don't want to be here and you have no idea how thankful I am for that. It's going to be really difficult to do this on my own." 

So it was nice that she wasn't going to have to. "I guess you just assume during a situation like this that someone would run. Most men would say it's okay now but then when the delivery arrived, it would change. I can't see you doing that, I just want you to know that I won't hold it against you if you did." A few more tears escaped from her eyes but she kept her grip on him firm, "I'm just scared." 

He was right though, they had a few hours before anyone else would be coming around the house so they did have time to talk and now was probably as good of a time as ever. "I think I'd like that, a chance to talk." She smiled back at him. 

"We have a family room in the basement, half family room half dad's music room." Vixey explained, "We could go down there so no one will bother us." Her mom would be busy in the kitchen as baking was her coping mechanism, and her dad would probably be home soon. 

After wiping a few more tears away Vixey gave Todd's hand a squeeze before leading him back inside. Just as she thought her mom was busy putting together something in the kitchen and she smiled at the two of them. 

"I made a little more tea so it's still hot if you'd like some more." 

"Thank you, mom." Vixey went around the counter and placed a kiss against her mom's cheek and pulled her in for a side hug. 

"I think we're going to go downstairs and talk for a little while if that's okay. If you need anything just come and get me, and we'll come up when dad gets back, okay?" 

"I think I'll be okay up here but I will. You two take your time." 

She knew the two had a lot to work out and she could only hope for the best for them. Todd hadn't run away yet so that had to be a good sign. Vixey poured a little more tea into her mug and waited for Todd to do the same. 

Once he was ready she led him down the hall and through a door that led to the basement. The space was open and airy, it didn't have a dark basement feel. Hardwood flooring covered the space, wall to wall, and two big doors with windows lead out to the backyard, under the deck they had just been standing on a few minutes ago. 

There was a large sectional couch with various pillows and blankets, and a coffee table along with a big chair and a tv on the wall above a fireplace. One half of the room was well stocked with various musical instruments like guitars, a banjo, a bass, and a violin, and the walls were decorated with posters from various festivals over the years and some old record sleeves. A smaller record player was in the corner with a shelf full of records from the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Vixey sat her tea down on the coffee table and moved to turn on the gas fireplace. It wasn't freezing down there but it also wasn't as warm as it was upstairs. 

"If you can't already tell, this is also one of dad's spaces. In addition to cars he likes music. The posters are from festivals he went to with my mom over the years."

"We can be scared together. It's going to be okay," said Todd as he looked at Vixey with a smile on his face, his thumb rubbing the back of her hand one last time before he let her go. 

"A family room, that sounds like a nice place to hide for the moment," he chuckled as if her whole house wasn't family-friendly enough, it was the graphic description of any family sitcom he could think of. 

The man followed her back to the kitchen, where their tea mugs rested forgotten on the table as he watched the older woman already moving around. He readied his tea and followed the redhead around the halls until they reached the family/basement room. It was an instant shift, reminding him a lot of his own home in the city. Inviting, friendly, and he would have said cozy had the heat not being up and running yet, but when he saw Vixey moving to set the heater up the man already knew this was a great room.

"This place is amazing," he said while looking around, taking a closer look at the instruments, the posters, the record player. Todd was in his element, more than intrigued to know more about every object around the room. 

"I think I'll have some long talks with your dad when I meet him. I sure want to hear the stories about everything here," said Todd with a smile, pulling away from the observation pause to sit down on the couch, setting his tea on the coffee table as he waited for the woman to join him. 

"Well, family talk," said the man as he leaned back while looking at Vixey.

"So I guess you've noticed that I don't really talk about my family much. Or during the time we've been together. But I also met your parents and your family home in one day, so you got a head start here," said the man with a chuckle. 

"The reason is that, well. My parents are gone. They passed away when I was a baby and my grandmother took me in. She raised me back in Idaho and when I was a senior in high school, she made me move to the city so I could have a shot at a career and something better. That's when I joined the Fire Department and it's been that ever since. Unfortunately, my grandmother passed before I graduated. It was tough, and a really hard moment in my life, but Copper, my best friend, helped me through it," as he spoke Todd got more comfortable.

If he'd been talking about this when he was much younger, the man would have probably broken down at the memories and recollection of everything that had happened. But now, as a much older version of himself and a mature one, it was a whole different story. He didn't talk about it every day, but instead of opening a wound, talking about his past felt like opening a picture album. 

"I've known Copper my whole life. We were neighbors when we were kids and he's been like a brother to me. He moved to the city when I was really bad at dealing with my grandma's death. Copper got me into therapy and paid for it until I was finally okay. He's the best. He's got two girls actually, a 6 and 4-year-old, so I've been around kids my whole adult life. They like Uncle Todd more than they like their own dad," he said with a chuckle.

"So, I guess I'm going to be a lot more helpful with your niece than you thought."

"I think he'd like that a lot." The thought of Todd and her dad bonding over music and cars made her really happy. 

Once the fire was going Vixey settled on the couch next to Todd, pulling a blanket around her shoulders to get more comfortable. She was a little nervous about the talk but it was nothing more than a little anxiety compounded by everything that was happening, and the speed of which it was happening. Of course Vixey had given thought to her future but once she rose to stardom through her last show and hit the headline in Moulin Rouge over the last year those thoughts fell to the wayside. Her mom used to bug her about giving her grandbabies but once Emily had Abby those comments stopped, even though she hardly ever saw her grandbaby. 

As Todd explained his past, telling her of his parents and spending most of his young life with his grandmother she felt that familiar feeling of tears behind her eyes again. She had no idea - of course because they hadn't talked about it, but still. 

"Todd, I'm so sorry," she took his hand in hers, rubbing the back of his thumb slowly. Of course it had been a long time but that didn't make it any less sad. 

Her heart ached for him. And she knew Copper was a big part of his life but she hadn't quite understood the magnitude until now, or that he had kids of his own. Vixey didn't really have any close friends with kids, at least not friends who lived anywhere near New York. He was much more prepared to take on this new role than she was. 

"I'm really glad you've had Copper, and the Fire Department. And I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I can't imagine how difficult that was for you at that age." 

She knew they meant a lot to him and now she truly understood why. Those guys at the house really were his family and she had never felt more thankful for them. 

"I didn't realize Copper had kids, but that's very good to know." It was. Especially knowing they were younger. She was going to need other parent friends now. 

"You definitely sound much more equipped for this situation than I am.." she gave his hand a light squeeze before reaching for her tea. The warm liquid was perfect and the warmth from the fire was making the room much more cozy. 

"I can't say I've got anyone close to me in the city who has kids. Most of the crowd who attends the parties and stays for all of the fun are single or in childless relationships so those are the people I spend the most time with. My sister and I were all we had growing up except for around holidays when the rest of the family would visit. But now all of our cousins, the couple we have, are married and live all over. And they all had kids right out of high school or college so their kids are in middle and high school now." 

Vixey felt like she was way late to the party. "Thirty-six years old and I've barely given a family a thought. One because of my schedule since I started headlining a show and two because.. well, until you came along I was missing a part of the traditional equation of producing offspring." she added with a chuckle. 

"Have you thought about having kids of your own?"

"It's okay," said Todd as his other hand rested above Vixey's, smiling warmly back at her. 

"Before it was hard to talk about, but now I'm okay about it. And things did work out for the best in the end," said the man, knowing that even if the beginning of his life had been rough, down the road he got friends and a family that cared for him and that he cared for. More than he could have asked. 

"So yeah. I was an only child, my nana didn't have other kids besides my father. So I don't have siblings or cousins. My bloodline depends exclusively on me," he said with a chuckle, "Though I'm sure that if I give my last name to Roxie, I can start a new puppy branch."

"Oh yeah. Franny and Rose. Those girls are two little troublemakers, with so much energy and a huge imagination. I still keep every drawing they've made for me whenever I went to babysit. And I know more children's songs and shows more than I wish to admit. Everyone at the firehouse loves them. They love Roxie too. For her birthday, the girls bought her special treats," he said with a laugh as he could only remember how excited they were about giving his pup a party and presents and treats. 

Of course, then he knew that they never dropped the getting a puppy talk with Copper, to his friend's annoyance. 

"They traveled to see Copper's family for the holidays, but they made sure I knew how much they missed me," said Todd, knowing he'd gotten a text from them almost daily during the whole month they were away. It was probably because he was alone -as much as they knew- and figured their uncle was lonely. But for the man, it never had been an issue before.

As the redhead talked, Todd took his tea and sipped while listening. He figured not many people in the theatre had kids, some of them looked quite young, and with far too much energy on them to have a toddler on their shoulders; or with high schoolers with a foot outside the house all ready for college. 

"Honestly? I've been in the same boat as you. I never really had a relationship that became serious or close to it. Things didn't work out or they left, so I didn't have much of a chance to think far ahead. But also I never had a partner that would want to settle down or something close. I have to admit before my nieces came into the picture I never thought of kids, but after them, I guess I wouldn't mind having one of my own, I don't know if Roxie would like not being my number one though," he said with a laugh.

Vixey laughed softly as he cracked the joke about Roxie. It seemed like a lot, having the pressure of knowing you were the last one able to keep the family line going. Vixey got out of that by default with her sister having a baby and it was weird to think about it that way. 

Watching and listening to Todd talk about Copper's girls brought butterflies to Vixey's stomach. His eyes lit up, his smile widened, he really did love those girls and it was an absolute joy to hear him talk about them. 

"They sound amazing and I'm sure you're the best uncle." she added, sure that he did what he could to spoil the girls. She hadn't really pictured it before, mostly because the topic hadn't come up before, but now she could see Todd with kids and it seemed like something that was worth being a part of. Vixey just had so much doubt in herself. 

"Yeah," she nodded as he spoke about his similar situation relationship wise. "It's amazing what other people's kids will do to change your perspective.." she looked down at the mug of tea in her hands, the liquid still and calm representing the peace she'd like to have. 

"I used to think about them, in my twenties when my mother wouldn't stop asking me about them and, at the time I told her to get off my back and talk to my older sister who was newly engaged at the time.." she shook her head, recalling one of the times she said that and after she didn't hear much else. 

"I think she stopped bugging me about it because she felt sorry for me?" she couldn't help but chuckle, "That sounds bad but her and my dad met and married young so it was easy for them and I guess mothers think their own kid will follow a similar course, at least I think our parents' generation felt that way. I think ours is different and more open to non traditional ways.." she took another long sip of tea. 

"But I've definitely thought about it. I'm aging out of the young pretty ingenue category on Broadway, even though I've only just hit it big." 

It felt selfish of her to think about what this could do to her career, but it also wasn't impossible to be successful in the theatre and also be a parent. She knew plenty of people who had children and houses and spouses and were still killing it, they just looked more tired doing it. "I guess I just thought I'd have more time." 

Even though that was what she felt like she was running out. 

"So I guess we're doing this," she said, finally looking back at Todd, her hand still in his. 

"I can't believe I'm saying this, because it was only really not that long ago that I was asking you to be my boyfriend, and traditionally there are more steps between there and here but, Todd," she began, inhaling and exhaling softly. 

"Will you be my partner in beginning this journey of raising my sister's kid?"

"I suppose that's true. If we lived in the 50's we'd be probably married by now since our 20's and I mean early. But I've liked having this time on my own until now, to settle down with my career, my home, my routine. I would have not been able to take this responsibility had I been a 20 year old, I was definitely not emotionally stable to do something so big as this," said Todd as he sipped on his tea. 

Now that was in his mid 30's and closing to his 40's, the man had a completely different view of the world. The man could have not helped the chuckle that escaped him as he covered his grin with his mouth, "Well, let me tell you. You're aging like fine wine, so I don't see a problem there. I guess one thing that you won't need to worry about with work is the recovery from pregnancy and labor. My housemates had a baby a couple of years ago and she says so herself that labor was so much more intense than walking into a fire. And I'll take her word for that," he said while nodding. 

"Like you know women firefighters are strong. But you add pregnancy and labor to that? And my admiration is over the roof."

The man couldn't help but laugh at her comment, while he could only give her palm a gentle squeeze back at her question, his gaze warming as he smiled. 

"I think we're past the traditional part of this all. I did meet your parents before the baby, so I guess we're technically still in the traditional range. But I'm here for breaking stereotypes and having you ask the big questions. As long as you don't give me a promise ring, we're all good," said Todd with a chuckle as he teased her but scooting closer to the redhead still as she asked her last question. 

"Absolutely I will. I'm ready to spoil this girl rotten, and become her favorite," he said, leaning in closer to press various tiny kisses against her lips. 

"Oh, that reminds me. I did snatch a toy firefighter helmet for her. I'd thought that would be nice for her to warm up to me," said Todd teasing with a laugh.

Vixey nodded along with Todd. Everything he was saying was more than true. Vixey was definitely a bit of a mess in her 20s, complete with the terrible failed relationships. 

"I know what you mean, I definitely couldn't take on anything like this, even three or four years ago I just wasn't mature enough." 

Well, perhaps she had been mature enough but she definitely wasn't financially stable enough a few years ago, not without working several different jobs, anyway. She felt herself blush as Todd complimented her aging. 

"I don't know about that.." she laughed, and she couldn't even think about childbirth right now. 

"But that's some comparison to have to make. I appreciate the honesty though. I'd rather have women comparing and contrasting it to walking into a fire than talking about how it was the most beautiful experience of their life. Sure, the product of the labor may be the most beautiful thing but no one is ever going to convince me labor is beautiful." 

On second thought, she was thankful for the lack of the 9 months prep time right now. And the sleepless nights, though she knew some of those were on the horizon just because of the change. This wasn't going to be easy.

As Todd made his promise, and even with his joke about a ring, Vixey felt those tears again and by the time he finished and brought up the hat she was laughing through the tears falling down her face. Though they had said it before, hearing this final confirmation sent her over an emotional threshold. 

"I'm already crying, I guess I'm ready for this whole motherhood thing.." she gave herself a hard time but laughed again and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. 

"You are definitely going to be her favorite. And I'm going to be a mess." she said, "I'm also going to have to figure out my apartment because that space is just big enough for me, I'm not even sure I've got room for another bed in there, no matter how small it needs to be..."

Todd could only smile back at her, leaning in to press a kiss to her cheek after she had cleaned her face from her tears, happy and emotional ones but sure scary too. Like the situation that they were just a few hours to embark into. 

"You're going to do great, superstar. She's going to love you," said the man with a tender smile as his hands reached for her, squeezing them a little. At the sudden realization of Vixey's living arrangements having to change -and adapt to a toddler with her own room and space for her to play- Todd couldn't help but tilt his face as he thought a little. 

"Hm, that's true. She'll need a spacy enough room to play, and have her own things, so she's comfortable and feels safe," said the man as he thought out loud, considering also the factor that perhaps moving so much wouldn't be the best choice, thinking of them staying with him like Vixey had done so far for the couple of months they were together.

"Okay. Here's a thought and you tell me what do you think, if it's crazy or maybe it'll work," said Todd as he shifted on his seat a little to face the redhead a little more. 

"I do have an extra room in my apartment, I don't know if you've seen it but I've been using it as storage and somewhat of an office though I really don't need one. So, in the meantime, while you look for a place that's comfortable for both you and Abby, maybe you two can stay with me? We get rid of the things that are unnecessary in that room and get a small bed for her, maybe some toys? Make it as cozy as we can. That way you can focus exclusively on looking for a new place and dealing with the lease and the landlord while knowing Abby will have a place to stay, and I can look after her too."

Obviously, this was quite a step. And Todd had emphasized that this could be momentary -if she wanted- but the man truly believed that giving that little girl some sort of space and routine would be best for her to start feeling better about everything that was going on. 

"Your mom said Abby would stay here for a bit of time, right? We can use that time to set up a room for her in my place. You've lived in my apartment for a month already. At least you'll have somewhere to get your stuff safe while moving and other things that may come up," said the man. "Of course, if you think this is a good idea. But my apartment is an offer."

Vixey hadn't intended to prompt his response with her thoughts, she was more panic thinking out loud but as he went on about the room in his apartment that she hadn't really seen, and honestly hadn't realized was even there, it did sound like the most viable option. 

"I thought that room was a hall closet.." Vixey said, having never opened the door. Even though she shouldn't have, she still once again asked if he was sure about that. The truth with all of it was that they kind of had to be sure about it now. 

"Are you sure that's alright?" she asked, "I'm sorry, I know it is I just need more verbal confirmation, I guess. Things are moving so fast, I guess the moving in does usually precede the baby having and what not.." 

She couldn't help but laugh again at how backwards everything was going with them and how quickly things were moving. 

She drew in a breath and held it for a second before exhaling. "I think that's probably our best plan. And you're right, she's going to need a routine more than anything and that's our best bet for that right now." 

She almost added 'as long as that's alright with you' but of course it was because he had just offered it and she was going to have to become much more sure in herself and soon. 

"Mom said she'll be able to stay here for as long as we need and the social worker will be fine with that, as long as I sign some paperwork." 

So much paperwork. VIxey checked the time, they were getting closer and closer to finally meeting her niece. 

"I can't believe all of this is happening.. And we're going to meet her soon.. You know I've never met her, I've never even facetimed with or anything. All I've seen are some pictures, which reminds me," Vixey reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. 

"There aren't many, Emily didn't share much but here's one of them from last year" Vixey pulled up a photo of her sister and Abigail. "It's probably one of the only ones of them together."

"Yeah, it is alright with me. But I want you to decide on this since you kinda have the last call on the decision-making part. As I said, that room is ready to use for something that would actually be helpful rather than just getting more and more things I don't use," said the man with a nod, chuckling at her reaction because indeed things were a bit upside down when it came to the couple. They were certainly taking steps 3 and 4 before 1 or 2. But for him it was okay, 

"We really are taking this the non-traditional way, hm?" he said while laughing as well.

"Well," said Todd as he reached out to take her hands once again, his thumb caressing her palm to give her a little calm and peace. They weren't out of the storm just yet, not until that little girl was settled and happy, which was a long way to go. 

"For now, our priority is meeting her and having her like us, and then you work on the papers that need to be signed for your and your mom's ease of mind," said Todd as he looked at her with soft eyes. 

"After that is done, we can worry about the rest of this week with the funeral. I'll start looking for a bed and things to make that room a toddler's favorite place," he added with a smile. 

Of course, when the redhead pulled out her phone and he had a first glance at the picture, his face instantly showed how his heart was melting at the sight of that little girl, with her bright orange hair and cute face.

"Oh, she's the cutest tiny bean," said Todd as all he wanted was to make that little girl feel safe and loved. "She looks more like you, or your mom. It's probably the red hair," he teased with a chuckle.

Vixey hated that her mind went there but there was no denying it, "It's probably going to look better on paper if I've got a residence with another parental figure anyway. You know it really sucks that it's that way but the legal system loves a kid going to a couple." she admitted. But Vixey was fine with this arrangement and they really would be better together with her. 

"Thank you," she told him, "For everything. Like I said I'm going to keep saying it and I'm sorry but I really, truly would not be able to do any of this without you. I'd be a mess if I were alone right now." 

It wasn't a fun thought. Her worries seemed to melt away when she saw Todd's reaction to her picture, though. He had that same bright look in his eyes as he did when he spoke of Rose and Franny earlier and it sent the redhead's heart fluttering. 

"She's a real cutie," she agreed, "And yeah, my sister was very blonde and Paul had dark hair. After she sent the first picture of her hair to us my dad joked that it looked like she stole my kid, or cloned me. She looks just like me at that age, I know mom's got pictures galore upstairs." There were pictures of Vixey and her sister when they were younger all over the house. 

"She actually looks so much like me that when I introduce her to people who know me they're probably going to think she's my long lost child. The red hair runs strong in this family." she told him, taking one last look at the picture before tucking her phone away. 

It wasn't too long before Vixey could hear her mom shuffling near the basement door and that shuffling was followed by a few footsteps. The woman stopped just before the bottom few stairs and peered over at the couple. 

"I'm sorry to interrupt you all but the social worker just called, she said they'll be here in about twenty minutes. I wanted to make sure you all knew so you could get ready." Catherine didn't linger, instead she waited for Vixey's nod and then disappeared back up the stairs, no doubt to start cleaning something she had already cleaned ten times. 

The house was spotless as always. WIth that announcement, Vixey looked at Todd and took in a deep breath, and then had to remind herself to exhale so she wouldn't pass out. 

"Are you ready?"

"That's alright. You do what you need to do to give this girl a safe home," said Todd with a nod, knowing that the system was flawed and small insignificant details read more than the actual emotional stability from an adult ready to raise a child. It was trash, but also there was nothing that he could do but to support the redhead in anything else she needed while going through this process. 

The man only smiled back at her as he brought their hands up to kiss her knuckles, thumbs caressing her skin, "I'll just remind you that it's okay, superstar."

"Oh that's right," said the man with a chuckle, "I can't leave this house unless I see some baby pictures of you, and I get some nice embarrassing stories from your parents," teased Todd as he laughed, wanting to hear more of what her parents would have to say; by looking at it they probably had a lot of stories to share. 

The man looked at her mother, glad and thankful they had had some time to talk things out and prepare. Now that they had a plan, things didn't look as scary any longer -well at least until they actually had custody of Abby. So when Vixey turned to him and asked, the man nodded with a smile. 

"I'm ready. Let's get this little girl a safe home," he said as he pressed one last kiss to her hand before he stood up, bringing the tea mugs along as he followed the redhead through the house.

While doing so, and since there were still 20 minutes to meet Abby, Todd took a second after placing the tea mugs in the sink to look around the redhead's childhood home. 

He caught a glimpse of some old pictures of the family, instantly figuring out who was Vixey. The house was constantly warm and cozy, something that the man knew would help to get Abby at ease when she arrived, and something he wished he'd be able to replicate in his own home. Roxie would be thrilled to have a new friend, Todd already knew that the dog would be glued to the girl 24/7. It was a good thing that his pup had gotten used to kids since Franny and Rose came into his life. 

"The camera loved you, huh? Kind of foreshadowing the future, superstar," said Todd to the redhead with a chuckle as he pointed at one picture.

"Let's do it." Vixey nodded in agreement before slowly standing and leading Todd back upstairs. Once they were in the kitchen Vixey stopped to help her mother while Todd wandered, no doubt looking at the pictures that decorated the walls. 

After a moment she went to follow him, watching him admire what he saw. She found herself down the hallway towards the bedrooms when he stopped and pointed at a picture of her, it was from a dance recital and all Vixey could do was shake her head. 

"I was certainly a little diva." she said, "And that one behind you is from another dance show, The Nutcracker Ballet where I was devastated that I wasn't cast as Clara." she couldn't help but laugh. 

"I wasn't so good with rejection back then. But my mom made sure my costume sparkled and I guess that made up for it." 

The pictures varied from dance recitals and school plays to vacations and moments in the backyard. One of Vixey's favorites hung in the living room right above the fireplace, one of her and her sister picking fresh tulips for their mom for mother's day with Vixey's nose stuck in one of the flowers. As they moved about looking at pictures, Scout had found herself wandering with Todd down the hall and it wasn't long before her father's voice could be heard calling for the pup. 

"Scout! Come here, girl, let's get you back outside.." Within a few seconds he had rounded the corner coming face to face with the couple. 

"Dad! I didn't know you were home yet." She stepped forward and pulled her father into a hug. He was nearly her height and his dark hair had grayed out quite a bit but one could definitely tell a resemblance to Vixey in the face. 

"Of course, I wanted to make it back before the little girl made her arrival." As he pulled back from the hug he gave Vixey's arms a comforting squeeze. 

"Of course," the redhead turned slightly so her dad and Todd could finally meet. 

"Dad, this is Todd, Todd, this is my dad, Jeff" The man leaned forward extending a hand to Todd and greeted him with a big smile.

“Todd, it's a pleasure to finally meet the man who's making our daughter so happy. And I'm sure Catherine has already said this but we really do appreciate you for taking such good care of her, and for sticking around." He shook Todd's hand and looked back at Vixey. 

"I know your mother talked to you, I just wanted to say how proud I am of you for stepping up. Nothing about this is going to be easy, but your mother and I are here, for you both," he looked at Todd, "And are prepared to do whatever we can to help." 

"Not good with rejection. Why does that sound a little familiar? And the was a little diva? I don't know about that," he teased with a chuckle as he poked the redhead's side with his fingers before wrapping an arm around her shoulders. 

As they learned more about each other, the man became more and more comfortable teasing her and giving her a hard time now and then, a perk of becoming her boyfriend. 

"You make a nice and pretty ballerina, despite not being the main star of the show," said the man as he pointed at the brightly dressed little girl in the picture. He couldn't help but wonder if Abby liked anything that perhaps Vixey did; after all, they were family and related. Maybe she was a lot more similar to the redhead that the woman noticed. But time would tell.

It was then when Todd felt something pushing between his legs as he looked down to find the fluffy dog near his feet. 

"Oh, hello little one," said the man with a smile before he looked up at Vixey's father walking in. He was much shorter than him, but his presence sure showed the experience. Todd let go of the redhead before he shook her father's hand firmly. 

"It's nice to meet you too, sir," said the man as he pulled his hand away. 

" Of course. I know this is huge, and it will bring changes. But I'm here for it, I think we'll make a pretty good team for Abby," said Todd as he smiled while looking at Vixey.

"But Vixey told me you have a vintage car collection? I'd love to hear about those when you have the time. And I noticed a lot of concert posters too in another room, I bet there are some good stories behind them," said Todd with a chuckle.

Vixey rolled her eyes playful as Todd teased her. "I know, me, afraid of rejection and being a diva??" 

She earned the drama queen nickname well as a child. She smiled as he pulled her in closer, savoring every touch and every second of alone time they'd have. These intimate moments weren't going to go away, of course, they were just going to become less prevalent. 

"But thank you, I'm not the best dancer but I've learned a whole lot over the years." Her dance calls were not her strong suit, it was her voice that won her the roles she had, but she did learn fast and she at least had a sense of rhythm and that helped. 

As her father greeted them the look behind his eyes brightened and his smile was wide and sincere as Todd reassured him that he would be there to do whatever he could for Abby, and Vixey. Instant brownie points were earned. He nodded as Todd mentioned the car and music collection. 

"Ah, now that's what I like to hear," He bumped his daughter playfully, clearly excited she had already told him about his collections. 

"The girls just don't appreciate the cars like I do but I'd love to show you. One in particular looks fantastic under the lights in the garage, the shine in the paint job is perfect. I'll take you out there later once the sun goes down. The light from the window just doesn't do it justice." 

Vixey found herself rolling her eyes at her dad but it was cute how excited he got when he talked about his projects. "And we've got stories galore from our concerts. We're hoping to get back to more here soon once things settle again. I'm also sure stories about those will come out with time. There are some even Vixey doesn't know all of." 

Scout began barking as the sound of a vehicle came within range. "And that's my cue." Jeff said, turning around and scooping the corgi up with ease to put her out back with Georgie. 

Supposedly Abby had been around dogs before but they figured it was best to keep them outside at least while they got inside and got settled. Their comfort would most definitely come in handy after a little while but a few moments of quiet with introductions was also going to be necessary. 

Vixey felt herself tense up and felt the knot in her stomach tighten as the sound of car doors closed. Jeff returned from securing the dogs out back and Catherine made her way to the front door to open it. 

Vixey gave Todd another look, one full of fear and also hope, and lead him back into the living room, not letting go of his hand. She was afraid if she didn't feel his touch against her she might faint. And she didn't want to make a bad first impression. The redhead inhaled slowly and deeply to ground herself and exhaled nearly right as the door opened.

[kaseyskat]

small little fluffy future au sashannarcy because im gay and i miss them 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That must be difficult for you.” 

Sasha glances up at Anne’s untimely arrival, and she frowns. “What do you mean?” 

Anne gestures vaguely at Sasha’s lap, where Marcy’s slumped over, completely curled around Sasha’s chest. Arms wrap around her neck, and Marcy’s breath tickles as she breathes, peacefully sleeping. It had been mildly inconvenient when she plopped herself down for a nap, though, because Sasha had promised herself that she would have this blanket finished before their annual Amphibia visit, which falls in just a few weeks. Between work and classes and her lessons, she hardly has the time to just… sit down and work on her knitting. 

But how was she supposed to turn down Marcy? 

“It’s not too hard,” she finally says, looping the needle through the yarn. She has both of her arms curled around Marcy’s torso, working around her as Marcy sleeps. “Besides, she’s comfy.”

“And it’s time for her to wake up, or she’s not gonna sleep through the night,” Anne frets, stripping off her work apron- she had taken a job in the restaurant for now, though she’s taking classes to go into child psychology, slowly working her way through school even though it’s a challenge for her. Sasha’s proud. 

“You talk about her like she’s a baby,” Sasha points out, and she gently sets her needlework down to stroke Marcy’s hair out of her face. She’s freezing cold, her skin cool and damp in a way that would be concerning if they didn’t know any better. A permanent side effect of the rejuvenation tank, Marcy had explained once. “We’re adults now, sugar plum. If Marcy wants to nap, let her nap.” 

Anne sticks out her tongue - probably for the name, petnames did not work on her nearly as well as they did Marcy - but she doesn’t argue, just crosses the living room to plop down on the couch next to her partners. “Fine, Waybright. But if you stab her with your needle, I swear to all things froggy-” 

“You have such little faith in me, my love!” Sasha rolls her eyes, but she takes one more reluctant glance down at the woman sleeping in her arms and sighs. “If you want her so badly, you can just ask. I’m not a girlfriend-hog.” 

“I don’t-!” Anne cuts herself off, and Sasha snorts at the way her expression gives away her exact thought process. “Okay, fine. Give me Marcy. I’ve had a long day at work and I want her.” 

“Miss Boonchuy, that is not asking,” Sasha teases, but she still carefully untangles Marcy’s arms from her neck, shuffling her so that she’s laying in Anne’s lap instead. “You’re lucky I love you so much.” 

“Am I?” Anne teases right back, even as she carefully adjusts Marcy. Their smaller girlfriend lets out a sleepy whine at being moved, but doesn’t wake up, just curls into Anne’s warmth, clutching at Anne’s shirt. After all these years, she’s never stopped being so heart-wrenchingly adorable, even though they’re all grown up and matured. 

Sasha’s in love with them both so much it physically hurts. 

“Does the princess want me to put the tv on?” She asks, choosing to ignore Anne’s playful teasing. “I think we have some recordings of that reality tv show you like.” 

“That would be wonderful, actually.” Anne grins, making a big show out of propping her feet up on the coffee table, leaning back against the cushions with Marcy still sprawled against her. “Since you offered so nicely.” 

Sasha raises her middle finger. It just makes Anne laugh; Sasha doesn’t know when she lost all her malicious charm and intimidation factor, but she can’t say she minds so much, not when both of her girls look at her like she’s hung the moon in the sky, and she gets to be here with them for all eternity. 

Marcy makes another whimpering noise as Sasha turns the tv on, flicking through the programs to find their recorded shows. It’s one that she claims to hate, but she thinks Anne knows the truth, even if they both play along for old time’s sake. 

“It’s getting cold outside,” Anne murmurs, and when Sasha looks over at her, she’s toying with the fabric of Marcy’s shirt worryingly, skimming fingers over the spot where Sasha knows the skin is raised and bumpy. “We still have that cream, right? The gel stuff?” 

“You’re being smothering again, Annesy, dearest,” Sasha replies, picking back up her needlework. She picked such a needlessly complicated design, but she just has to outdo Percy next time they see each other, since he’s the one who first taught her how to sew, way back during the war. “Marshmallow will tell us when she’s hurting. If she doesn’t, we’ll just cuddle her until she does, you know the drill.” She pauses. “But yeah, we should still have some cream left. If we don’t, I have some aquaphor from my last tat leftover.” 

“Right, right, sorry.” Anne relaxes, and she stops messing with Marcy’s shirt, choosing to instead curl fingers into her hair. “You’re right. For once.” 

“Excuse you, I am always right.” Sasha scoffs, tongue flicking against her lips as she continues to work. “Now shush. I’m trying to work, you need to relax, and Marcy needs to sleep.” 

“Sheesh, so demanding.” Still, Anne quiets, and she scoots over just enough so that she can lean against Sasha’s side, watching the stupid reality tv show as Marcy slumbers on. Sasha can’t wrap an arm around her, but she does gently lean in as well, sighing as she enjoys her girlfriend’s warmth. 

[drstrangefictions]

One-Shot

James "Logan" Howlett x Female Reader

Word Count: 4,508

Spoilers: None

Warnings: Logan has big OOC energy. I wrote this today. It was a head empty, no thought fic so I am very sorry if it sucks LMFAO it was also not supposed to be more than 1K words but here we are.

AO3: Link

Logan sat on the couch, just barely past, watching the television (more like barely paying attention to it). It was normally peaceful, more often than not, the students and professors actually slept. Save for Logan. The nightmares typically kept him awake, sometimes they were things he remembered, such as the war; sometimes they were things he couldn’t recall, something he assumed to be of his mysterious past. It was truly a sick and twisted joke, not being able to remember who he was. He’s well aware of who he is now, just a man, a mutant, on the path to recovery (if you can call whatever he does with his life recovery). He still considered himself a monster, a murderer, but it was just another little thing Logan had to live with. Coupled with the fear of hurting someone in this new place he called home. Beer would be soothing (unlikely) if it had any effect. The damn healing factor makes it hard to drink problems away and it might actually be for the best.

Rogue was amongst his favorites at the X-Mansion. An innocent girl, simply afraid of herself, and astonishingly determined to find a work around, or a cure, or something to make her feel better. A little practice, ease of anxieties, and the works would help one would think. Time is the only thing, Charles seemed to think he had all the time in the world. She was a stowaway, that’s how he got stuck with her, and Logan didn’t mind at all. Jean was another one of Logan’s favorites. Something about her was just so different than most people. Whether it be her softspoken charm or her sincere nature, perhaps her inner and outer strength. Jean was nearly a friend. Amongst the favorites was another kind mutant; however, she was truly an unexpected favorite. Scott refers to her as Void, most people at the X-Mansion call her that. When she was first mentioned, Logan had no idea they were actually talking about a person – Void was often referenced as “The Void” as in the emptiness of space or general lack of something.

Void is something of a magician – “a street magician,” Bobby had jokingly told Logan the night before she returned. She played her cards just right; she always had an ace up her sleeve. Literally, she gave Logan the ace of hearts when they first officially met. He kept it, of course he kept it, he was intrigued. Logan twirled the ace of hearts between his fingers, he did this when she was absent. Odd for tonight, because she was just in her room (it’s not actually known if she really does stay at the mansion overnight, it’s an assumption based on observation of actions). She always had some kind of disappearing act. Logan was actually captivated by her magician skills; he could never quite grasp how she does her crazy tricks.

“Can’t sleep?” She stood against the archway. “There used to be a door here.” Her eyes traced the door frame.

“Thought you were asleep.” Logan looked up from the ace of hearts.

Void shrugged her shoulders and stepped into the living room. She turned to face the television, presumable to see what Logan had left on, and scrunched her nose at the boring show on the boring channel. “You could always pop a movie in. Might I suggest Event Horizon?” She faced Logan again and held out the movie case. “Sam Neill does a great job in this movie. A bit of science fiction, a bit of horror, but a whole masterpiece.”

“How do you do all those tricks?” Logan asked. Finally.

With a flick of her wrist the movie was gone from her hand. “Practice. I used to want to be a magician, until I learned it was a sham. It broke my heart for about a month. At some point I set my mind to something else. None of those things happened, I’m here instead.” Void walked over to the couch and sat as far away from Logan as she could manage with the couch being a lot smaller than it was when she was a growing up at the X-Mansion.

Logan glanced at her. “Child’s ignorance.” He smiled.

“Ignorance in all capital letters, get it right. Followed by disappointment.” She grinned and turned to face Logan. She pulled her legs onto the couch and pressed her left foot against him to be annoying on purpose. She draped her arm over the back of the couch and scrunched her nose again. This time there was no trace of disgust, but something else. “You always sound so grumpy.” She teased.

“Maybe I am always grumpy.” He said.

“Bullshit. Tell me about something you’re not grumpy about. I’m a nosy girl, so it has to be something no one knows about.” Void stifled her laughter.

Logan blinked. “No.”

She leaned her head against her arm and quickly gave him a thumbs down with her free hand. “Fine. Tell me why the professor thinks you’ve been acting so odd recently. He’s concerned, but only a little bit because you’re a big boy. He thinks something is bothering you, but he doesn’t want to be nosy. Which is shocking because this man has no respect for privacy.”

Logan looked at the beer bottle in his hand and shook his head. “He’s a bit of a dick at times.”

“Correction, massive dick. Like most adults here. Myself included.” She inhaled deeply. “Continue.”

“I have been acting different, yes. I didn’t think it would be noticeable. I have a few things on my mind.” Logan began. “Don’t worry about it.” He cut himself short. So close.

Void relaxed her shoulders and reached over to Logan, pressing her knuckles against his arm. “I won’t push, just know, you big oaf, that you can come talk to me when you’re ready. And if I’m not here when you need to talk, I’m sure you know to call me, right?”

Logan swallowed and looked at her and her unwavering kindness towards him. Flooded by recent memories, Logan could only stare. She wasthere for him, more often than she wasn’t. She has magicked herself into his room immediately after he woke up from another nightmare (her random materialization was no help at all, but at least she was there instantly). She would stay with him all night long. He always seemed to find her on the couch with him when her schedule allowed for it – between teaching these kids magic tricks (Charles considers this good old recreational fun and a course schedule elective) and teaching Astronomy and related subjects, and disappearing into the outside world, somehow, she was always there for him. She always seemed to find new way to disturb his peace childishly. She was childish. She has startled him on multiple occasions at three in the morning to haul his ass outside to view the stars as if they had never seen stars before. He hated it so much that he kept stargazing with her.

“Yeah, I know.” He looked away from her.

She flashed a small smile of concern. “I don’t like when the cool guy isn’t feeling a 100 percent.”

“Oh, so I’m the cool guy now.” He chuckled.

“Always were, dear friend, always were. Don’t tell the other guys, but I lie to them about their worth.” She laughed.

Logan shook his head, stifling his own laughter. “How does everyone not hate you?”

“Easy. I make dessert and if they hate me, they get nothing.” She shrugged her shoulders rather dramatically. “But honestly, I have my favorites. It’s me, I’m my own favorite. You’re a close second.”

“Geez, only a close second?” Logan faked his disappointment. He furrowed his eyebrows. “You’re such a wildcard.”

She leaned back and threw her arm over the back of the couch again. “Thanks, I worked really hard to become the wildcard. The damn threats that the Avengers face never expect me, Magneto is occasionally prepared for me. It all comes from not thinking. How can my plan be thwarted if I have no plan?”

Logan sighed; real disappointment settled. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard all day.”

“Thanks, I came up with it on a whim.” She tried to maintain a stoic expression, only to exaggerate her need to laugh. She was funny, and she often laughed at herself. She was quick.

Logan looked anywhere but at her. Childish. “So, you spend your free time with those Avengers? What do you gain from it?”

“A paycheck.” She sighed. “It’s not very fun, once they find the guy they’re looking for, I never have to see them again. Charles thought it would be a good idea for me to go because I have a better chance of not mucking things up. Which is true, no offense, but you and Stark would get along so poorly that everything is jeopardized from the moment you lock eyes with him.” She leaned her head on her arm.

Logan nodded; she was probably right. “I can see that being the case.”

They grew silent, but it was a comfortable silence. Void’s presence was comforting. She was so laidback and collected, but she also worried far more than the average person. She laughed a lot and made everything funny with good intentions. Logan knew that she coped with humor. Sadness, concern for him, anger usually got covered by her humor and childish nature. Logan was told of the one time she lashed out and lost control; she frightened herself and others and, well, a family had to bury their daughter. He didn’t know what caused it, no one did, but he knew that’s why she hid her anger. He thought it was much worse than being angry. Where does that anger go if she’s just hiding it? Doesn’t it just build up? If it doesn’t build up, what is she doing with that anger?

Void shifted and dragged her foot away from him. She rested her head on her knee and kept her eyes on him. She was worried, and she was bad at hiding it (if she was even trying to hide it).

“There is one thing that is eating me.” Logan locked eyes with her. He curled his hand into a fist and clenched his jaw. Something was bothering him – well, more than one something. The nightmares, of course, were bothering him, so was his past, and what Stryker did to him, and there was also a girl. This girl. Void. But bothering him wasn’t what she was doing. He was actually bothered by the fact that he loved her.

Void raised her eyebrows and lifted her head. He had her full attention. “Tell me.”

Instant regret washed over Logan. “There’s this girl–.”

“Is it Jean?”

“Let me finish.” Logan inhaled sharply. “This girl. She means the world to me. She’s very funny, even if I don’t laugh. She’s bright and she always seems to have an answer to something. She’s very kind to me and most other people. I think her kindness towards me is misplaced – something tells me I don’t deserve it. She’s always on the move, whether it’s something for her friends, her family, or me. She’s always doing something. She’s honest, even if the truth sucks, she’ll tell me. Hell, she’s beautiful and so full of life. She’s a horrible liar. She hides behind her humor. Something could bother her, and she’ll joke about it.”

Void smiled. Logan can be a sweetheart, but Void already knew that. “I bet she’s lucky to know you. Do I know her?”

Logan thought for a moment. “She’s never mentioned you.”

She nodded sadly. “So, probably not. Damn, Logan, I don’t think you should be so down on yourself over her. Misplaced kindness? There’s no such thing as misplaced kindness towards you. And she’d be stupid not to feel the same way about you. I mean, come on, do you need me to ask her out for you?”

Logan shook his head. “That won’t be necessary. Can’t risk losing her to you, now, can I?”

Void snorted. “Oh, am I your competition?” She eyed him sadly.

Logan looked away; his smile faded at the glimpse of pain in her eyes. He felt bad for not saying: “Hey, my stupid ass is afraid of rejection, but I think you’re awesome, we should date.” He was talking about her. He was in love with her. He loved her. It was the pain in her eyes from thinking of Logan loving someone else that made it click. She started out just doing as she does because that’s what a good friend would do, she never planned to fall in love (I mean, no one ever plans to fall in love), Logan definitely never planned to fall in love. It actually scared him, seeing that twinge of pain in her eyes. He was afraid of hurting her – physically and mentally and emotionally. He was afraid to lose her to someone better eventually (oh, anxiety, you scamp). He was afraid of her growing tired of him. Even worse, he was hurting her now by avoiding the truth.

“I will give you money if you ask her out.” Void found humor.

Logan licked his top lip. “Don’t.”

Void leaned away from him. “Okay, but you told me about her, now you have to work your magic. I’m the friend that encourages everything, remember?”

“Pushing Scott off of a cliff into the ocean is notencouragement.” Logan chuckled. That was a strange day. There was no real reason that they took a little fieldtrip to the Etretat sea cliff, they just took it. She didn’t really push Scott, more like, she threw him in the ocean right after he said something stupid. Eventually they all ended up in the water somehow…

“Right, but you weren’t going to do it, so I did. He was lucky there was water down there. Otherwise, that would have been awkward.” She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “Seriously, though, I know you well enough to know that I should encourage something like this. You may not be able to identify your true past, beyond Stryker, but you know who you are in this present moment. Logan, the Wolverine, a X-Man. You might view yourself in a negative light, and if someone like me can understand and see past it, so can she. You’re not defined by what you did, well you are but you aren’t, if that makes sense. You’re not a monster – sure, your kill count might be higher than mine, murderer – but you’re really not a monster. Probably just wildly misunderstood.” She moved again, crisscross with her back against the couch and her eyes on the television.

“Key word there is ‘probably’.”

Void gave a thin-lipped smile. “Oh, you know, not everyone is misunderstood, it’s just a ‘probably’, right? You’ve worked pretty hard to be a functional member of society, Logan, if she can’t see your worth, she’s an idiot. I want you to take that chance, you only live this one life, no matter how long yours is. Don’t be a coward, I’ll start chanting and everyone will know everything.” She bit her bottom lip as her real smile grew.

“No chanting.” Logan pointed at her. “None.”

She put her hands up defensively and looked down and away. “Fine, fine.” She sighed and peered over at Logan. She leaned forward and shrugged her shoulders. “At the end of the day, you have to either go for it, or not go for it. If she’s an idiot, you know where to find me. If she’s not, be gross faraway from here, please. We don’t need another Scott and Jean moment.” She shuddered, disgusted.

Logan laughed, he really laughed at that one. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t torture anyone like that.”

“Thank you.” She slumped back, relieved. “You know no idea how disgusting and annoying it is. They’ve been together for a very long time and, ugh, I need a nice glass of bleach.” Void shook her head.

His shoulders bounced as he laughed. “You really hate them that much?”

“Honestly, I’ve spelt on this couch more times than I care to admit because, before we acquired children, they just went at it, and everyone heard them. This was the safe space. I’ve had mock sleepovers with all of the original members. Oh, to be young again.” She snorted. “Young couples, am I right?”

“They’re not that young anymore.” Logan exhaled, grinning. He paused for a moment, opening his mouth to speak before changing his mind.

“Back on topic, before you say anything, I just want you to know, at the end of the day, I want you to do what’s best for you.” She looked at Logan. “But seriously, don’t be Jean and Scott.”

Logan let out one last chuckle. “I got it. Thank you.”

“Well, how long did it take you to learn that little phrase. ‘Thank you’, say it again.” She smiled smugly.

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

She shook her head. “I’m joking.”

“No, I think you’re serious.” Logan pointed at her.

She sighed and looked up. “Whatever you say, big guy.”

“Well, since you’re joking, I guess you don’t want to hear what I have to say.” Logan shrugged his shoulders and looked away from her. She was nosy, she was going to want to know.

Void scooted closer to him with wide eyes. “Tell me.”

Logan looked at her, lips parted. He leaned against her arm. “Let’s put it this way. I appreciate you. A lot. There aren’t many people I can appreciate. And all jokes aside, thank you for everything.” He looked at her, almost unsure of how to really thank her for all she’s done for him. “You’re always there for me. There’s no doubt you’ve seen it all by now.”

“D’aw, you’re such a liar.” She giggled and leaned into him.

Logan snorted. “And you can’t accept what I just said.”

“Alright, alright. You’re welcome for everything.” Void mocked. “Since I don’t ask for much, can I ask you something? It’s kind of weird.”

Logan hesitated. Weird? That’s never a good thing. “Go ahead.” He pulled away from her and glanced at her.

“Would you happen to know how to get over someone? I mean, I’m never going to go after him. I’m sort of afraid to and I’m pretty sure he’s seeing someone anyway. I’d rather spare myself the heartbreak and skip right over to the moving on. It sounds weird because he was never mine to move on from or get over.” She slowly inched away from Logan and back to her side of the couch.

Logan drew his lips into a thin line. “Sounds like you want to skip out on being human. I don’t recommend that. I know you don’t want to feel upset over someone you never got close with, you should let yourself feel these things. Isn’t that what you tell me?”

“Ugh, bastard, using my own spells against me.” She started to slide down the couch. Dramatic. “That’s the exact opposite of what I wanted to hear. You suck at this.”

Logan watched her slide down. “Fine, fine. Do things you love to distract yourself. Go out and view the stars, stargazing, do research on the new space garbage they found, bully Scott for something new. And if all else fails, like you always say, you know where to find me.” He swallowed. It was really now or never.

“Scott’s hair is awful, and I need to tell him.” Void laughed. “I could bully him about that, right?”

“It’s horrible, please tell him.”

She nodded. “I’ll tell him you said it. Besides, Jean cut his hair.”

“That explains why it’s so bad.” Logan chuckled.

Void threw herself back up on the couch and nodded. She was dramatic and childish. The exact opposite of himself. He was a monster, and she was, well, whatever she was. Yikes, she was a telekinetic and a master at sneaking up on people, maybe she had some kind of phasing mutation or portal mutation to help with that. Meanwhile, Logan was an animal. Bone claws coated in metal. Natural born killer. Logan watched her. She kept her eyes on the television. She sat crisscross and played with the sleeves of her – actually, it was his – sweatshirt while she watched the boring show that they both had tuned out in order to talk. That was another thing – she dressed better than him even if she tricked him into giving her his sweatshirt (did she really trick him, or did he just give it to her without a conversation about it? We will truly neverknow). It was now or never. She’s sitting right there. He could easily ask her on a date.

“Get up, let’s go for a walk.” Logan threw himself off the couch and walked into the kitchen. “Beer?”

She looked towards the kitchen. “Not if we’re walking outside past midnight. I don’t care if you’re a big strong man, I know myself, and I’d like to be sober enough to know what the hell goes wrong.”

“You’re so paranoid.” Logan frowned. She had a point though. He also had no idea where they were going to walk to. Were they going to stay by the mansion?

She scoffed. “As if you aren’t, let me get shoes. Unlike you, I don’t wear shoes all damn day.” Void jumped off the couch and disappeared into the shadows of the X-Mansion.

Logan made his way to the front door. He leaned against the wall and waited for her to run up to him or to materialize in front of him. His mind wandered, how on Earth was he going to ask her? How was he so sure this was going to work? He didn’t even peak outside to see if they could see anything tonight. For all Logan knew, it could be cloudy as hell. He shook his head and grumbled about being so stupid and impulsive. Then a new problem came up: what if she says no? Logan, for all he knew, could have just saw what he wanted to when he looked at her.

“Let’s go.” She said.

Logan jumped out of his skin. “What the fuck?”

Void swung the door open and pulled him out of the X-Mansion. She locked the door behind them and threw her lanyard of keys around her neck and slipped it beneath the sweatshirt. She lurched at the cold keys tapping her warm skin, a bad feeling. She jogged down the stairs after Logan and looked up at the sky as she did every time they walked outside at night. Outside of the mansion they could see more than they would in a suburban neighborhood or in the city. But still not as much as one little spot she found in the middle of nowhere. She took him there once, a really bad night. He wasn’t one for stargazing or truly understanding the beauty of it all, but that night he didsee the beauty that is the night sky. That was about a year and a half ago, around that time, maybe even that night, he realized he loved her and all of her crazy childishness. They walked out towards the back of the mansion. The number of times his hand grazed hers was infuriating. He could just hold her hand, drape his arm over her, something “romantic”. But that would be weird considering their conversation earlier.

“Something’s really bothering you.” Void threw herself in front of Logan and grabbed his arms. She tried to shake him, but him and his metal bones just don’t budge all too often. “I’m the one that makes us go for walks or stargazing. Not you. So, what’s bothering you, Logan? If it’s another nightmare, you should tell me. I need to know what’s going on so I can help you.”

Logan looked at her, every inch of her face screamed concerned. “You should worry about yourself more than you worry about me. I know you stay up and wait to see if I need you.”

“One day, I won’t stay up all night to make sure you’re okay, but today isn’t that day.” She smiled sadly. “Wait, how’d you know?”

Logan shrugged. “Just a lucky guess.”

Void yawned into her elbow. “Bullshit.” She grabbed his arm again. “I guess it’s obvious.”

“With all the close calls, I don’t think you should–.”

Void inhaled deeply. “They’re only close calls because I get close. But I know how to avoid getting impaled. Earlier you asked me how I do all my tricks, the answer is wormholes, most of the time. I can create harmless little wormholes and that’s how I keep you from stabbing me. The room is so dark, you’re so panicked, you don’t even see it. That’s how I move around most of the time too” She looked up at Logan and smiled. She was clever.

“Wormholes. Sounds like a space thing.” He couldn’t smile at that. No matter how clever she thought herself to be, she was still risking a lot.

She pressed her head against his chest and shook her head. “You’re so annoying. You’re even more annoying because that girl you were talking about was me, wasn’t it?”

“What gave it away?” He raised an eyebrow.

She smiled and looked up at him, still leaning against him. “Oh, just a lucky guess. You couldn’t say much about they mystery girl without giving away who she was, you’ve pushed the conversation towards me, and you would have thrown me across the yard for leaning against you like this. I know you, Logan.”

“What about this guy of yours?” He asked.

“I may have twisted the story a bit,” she gave a nervous laugh, “because the guy is you.”

Logan loosely wrapped his arms around her. “I should’ve known. You’re a terrible liar.”

“Yeah, I’m not the moron that fell for it.” Void stuck her tongue out at him. “So, is this a date? Is that why you took me outside?”

Logan looked away. “If you want this to be a date–.”

“It’s a date.” She pulled away from him and dragged him over to the bench. “A very comfortable date.”

They sat on the bench – somehow Logan always ended up on the end and she slid next to him and took his left hand in her right. She couldn’t focus on the stars, instead all she could focus on was Logan – but when doesn’t she? Logan chuckled at her staring, she could be drooling, and he’d still stare back. As if they don’t spend all the time in the world together already, she kept herself pressed against his side. He could live with this, but she won’t change his mind about himself. Maybe she would ease his anxieties. She was clever. She was childish. Logan loved that about her.

[thebomb-thebird-andtheburntbitch]

all three heartbeats

bakugou katsuki / f.reader

genre: married au (husband/wife), angst, hurt/comfort?, fluff, katsuki being a sap in lowercase

synposis: katsuki works full time as a prohero, but his time working to ensure the publics safety kept him busy- far too busy at times.  he seeks comfort in you and his newborn little girl because the both of you keep him grounded and keep him fighting. he just wishes he could find a way to feel like a better father and husband. 

w.count: 3.6k

a/n: hi hello i aint never written for bnha before and i thought i would never write anime fics again but here we are years after (it has been actual years, someone save me LOL). what better way than to start back out with blasty amiright? 

It was one of those nights.  Katsuki had just walked into his home at an ungodly hour and as he shut the door behind him, he leaned his back against it, He flicked all three locks of the front door shut and dropped his duffle bag at his feet before he tipped his head back to rest on the wood.  He closed his eyes, sighing as he had the urge to just sink to the floor of the entryway landing and power nap. 

Lord knows when his phone would buzz or ring again- his seemingly never ending work calling him to clock in again. It seemed like recently he never clocked out of his job- always working, patrolling, fighting petty villains trying to commit petty crimes and occasionally stopping more dangerous situations that kept him on edge and busy for hours to days on end.  

The duffle he dropped at his feet was full with his gear and his hero suit that was in desperate need of washing and minor repairs- things that if he even muttered to himself about, you would happily offer your aid. 

His closed eyes opened and his chin dropped back down, the back of his head coming off the door as he pushed the rest of his body off it as well.  He heeled off his shoes and ruffled his hair as he finally walked into his home, leaving his duffle at the door as he made his way to the bathroom.  

In all honesty, Katsuki wanted to go immediately to the room he shared with you where he knew you were asleep. He desperately needed a shower though, and he wasn’t planning on crawling into bed to hold you smelling like sweat, smoke and hero work.  

You told him before you didn’t mind his post-work scent, in fact you told him it was charming in it’s own way since it was proof that Pro Hero: Dynamight worked harder than anyone else to one day be the No.1 Hero he’d been dreaming of his entire life. 

Katsuki never told you, but he’d think about that almost everyday and it always made him smile when he did. 

The shower he took was brisk and quick because all he wanted to do was go to bed.  He couldn’t remember the last time he wasn’t just taking power naps on the couch at the agency. He couldn’t remember the last time he got to go to sleep in his own bed. Katsuki couldn’t remember the last time he got to hold you and it was starting to really piss him off.  

Since graduating UA, getting engaged, married and then having a child with you, is tempter had considerably settled.  He wasn’t entirely tame by any means, he was still a quick fire with insults, refused to use people’s names and stuck to stupid nicknames he thought of, cursed like a sailor and exploded when something mildly frustrating ticked him off- but he wasn’t like he was before.  

When Katsuki can stand to be in the same room as Todoroki and Midoriya and not blow a giant fuse within the first sentence exchange, anyone would call that progress.  

It was no shock that you were a large factor in his settled image- he had to start leaning self control and how to manager his attitude.  The one extremely rocky point in your relationship with Katsuki back when you both were third years and you threatened to leave him if he didn’t shape up made him change.  It wasn’t easy, but the arguments and fights you both had back then serve as a reminder of how far he had come according to you. 

When Katsuki stepped out of the bathroom, he sighed- feeling refreshed- as he walked to the bedroom with a towel around his waist and another over his head drying his hair.  It was way too late to be running the hairdryer, he’d risk waking up his child that he knew was otherwise dead to the world in their crib.

Twisting the doorknob as quietly as he could, Katsuki stepped into the bedroom and his eyes immediately looked to the bed, seeing your body’s shape beneath the comforter of the giant, Alaskan king bed you insisted you absolutely needed.  

He felt his lips twitch as he left the door cracked to let in a small amount of light from the hall without stirring you.  He went to his dresser and snatched a pair of shorts and a tank top and threw them on before he left the room as quietly as he had come in. 

Katsuki went back to the front door and picked up his duffle bag, moving it into the living room and setting it on the couch to fiddle with it in the morning. He grabbed his phone from the side pouch of the duffle and began to shut the lights off and retreated back down the hall.  

Before he went back to the room you slept in to join you, he stopped first in the room that was directly across the hall from his and yours and as quiet as a mouse crept in.  

The nursey was painted in a pale yellow with sunflowers painted on the walls (curtesy of the bakusquad who insisted they were in charge of nursery decorations). Against the wall was a shelved cubby for toys and items for the baby and beside that was a changing table.  Across the room was a tall dresser filled with way too many baby onesies and outfits for the future. 

Katsuki walked to the white, wooden crib at the back of the room as the room itself was glowing in the soft, blue light of the baby’s nightlight.  He leaned over the crib side and looked down to see his child sleeping just as quiet as can be.  

He smiled as he reached down and stroked her chubby cheeks with the back of his knuckles.  She was warm and soft. 

“Hey there, Girlie,” he whispered, barely audible. Just watching his little girl sleep so soundly made his chest warm. God, he loved her so much.  He frowned as he thought about how tough it might be on you while he’s away looking after her by yourself.  She was barely a few months old and he hasn’t even had a weekend with you two yet.  

Katsuki bit his lip to keep from letting the disappointment he felt in himself slip out in the form of growls. 

He stuck around in the nursey for a few more minutes, just petting and admiring his child before he snuck back out and finally, finally went back to his room and as carefully as possible slid into bed.  

You slept in the center of the bed that could easily fit four sleeping bodies, and Katsuki shuffled in further towards you before he was right behind you.  He stared at your back in the dark room, his eyes adjusting more and more as the minutes pass.  

Katsuki lightly grabbed your shoulder before he was pulling you to your back and then reaching over you to lay on your chest.  On an ordinary day, Katsuki would be happy just holding you, but he felt especially worn out and drained. So, for once, even if you were sleeping, he just wanted to be held instead. 

His cheek pushed into your chest, listening to your steady heartbeat beneath his ear. His right arm stretched over your shoulder to rest by your head and his left stayed beside his own body, his right leg hiked over your waist to be as close to you as he could get. 

He felt his eyes roll before he shut them, finally feeling comfortable and warm and safe for the first time in days.  He was finally breathing easy and all he wanted to do was stay here, in your arms, for the rest of his life. 

As he started to finally doze off, his eyes fluttered open at the feeling of something carding through his hair. 

He heard you take a deep breath before you were shifting just a bit to curl around him more and he felt your chin push against the top of his head. 

“Go back to sleep,” he muttered, feeling your sleepy gaze on the top of his head.  The small, sleepy chuckle that left your chest hummed against his cheek. 

“Welcome home,” you whispered, sleep laced heavily in your voice as he felt your lips push against his scalp.  “How was work?” You ask so innocently, but the question only made Katsuki burrow his face into your chest further. He doesn’t answer you, so you prompt him further. “Katsuki?” 

“Don’t wanna talk about it,” he muttered, lifting his face just enough to speak clearly then pushing it back down again.  

You say nothing at that and instead return to just carding your fingers through his semi-damp hair as you bask in each other and the silence of the house.  You glance over to the alarm clock, seeing the time 4:03 am in orange, glowing numbers. 

You feel like you have loads you want to talk about with Katsuki, things you want to share with him that had happened and things you want to have him tell you that’s happened, but it’s too quiet and too peaceful to bring them up.  They’d have to wait. 

“’m sorry,” he suddenly spoke from where he lay on your chest.  Your fingers stop their mindless fiddling in his hair and he grips onto you tighter. 

“What for?” 

“Not being here.” 

You felt your heart crack at the tone of his voice.  He’s always been more open and mushy around you- as much as he denies it and he only get’s more open and more mushy when he was sleep deprived and just plain exhausted.  

“I’m always working, always gone, always away doing fuck-knows-what out there and not here.  I’m not home and that’s gotta really fucking suck.”  He’s silent for a moment but you dare not speak. You feel like he’s been holding a lot in recently and if he’s choosing now to let it all out, you would silently encourage him to do that.  

“I mean-” he scoffs at himself, “we’re married for fucks sake.  We have a baby and I’m basically leaving you home alone day after day to raise her by yourself.” 

“What?” Your shocked to think that’s how he feels.  “Katsuki, that’s not-”

“It feels true,” he whimpers. “I feel like if I keep doing this, keep leaving you and Misuzu alone,” his voice cracks at the sound of his daughter’s name leaving his lips, “then you’ll both just disappear and I won’t even have the balls to go after you two.” You think you feel something wet seep through your sleep shirt, but you don’t say a thing about it.  “I don’t feel like a husband and I don’t feel like a father. How can I feel like a hero if I can’t even spare the time to be with my god damn family?” 

“Well,” you start.  In truth, all you want to do is console him, but for all you know that could make him feel worse. You had to figure out what he wanted first. “What do you want to do then?” 

He took a deep breath before he let it out again. 

“I think I’m going to take some time off,” he concluded.  It had been on his mind recently and now was as good a time as any.  He just wanted to be home. “Maybe a week or two.” 

“If that’s what you really want to do, then I think that’s a great idea. Just don’t forget to tell Eijirou or else he’ll blow a fuse if he just think’s your late because the great Dynamight is always punctual.” 

You got a hearty puff of air and smile out of him for that little line.  it was no shock that when all came down to it, Kirishima Eijirou and Bakugou Katsuki ended up working in the same agency. 

“I’ll just text the bastard.” 

“You need to tell the agency too, you dolt,” you lightly whacked him on the bed as he groaned.  Getting time off wasn’t going to be hard for him considering the god awful hours he’s been forced into the past however long.  Just going into the office to get that time off is annoying and a process he wish he could get someone else do to for him. “Just head out in the morning and let both your partner and your agency know. It won’t be so bad.” 

“Whatever,” he huffed.  “Just, go back to sleep.” 

You glanced back at the clock to see that only about half and hour had passed.  You sighed as you closed your eyes happily ready to return to sleep before Misuzu woke up. 

You swore Katsuki was out before you. 

-x-x-x-

You woke up three hours later, just after 7 am to the sounds of your daughter’s crying from her nursey. When you opened your eyes and sat up, your husband was no where to be seen.  

You frowned, knowing that he was awake somewhere and he had only slept a few hours. Shaking your head, you got up and went to Misuzu’s room to get her from her crib and bring her into your arms.  

You shushed the infant in your arms as you left the nursey and walked around the house.  Katsuki was no where to be found and his everyday shoes were gone from the shoe rack next to the door.  He must’ve went out already. 

Not thinking much of it, you moved to the kitchen to grab one of Mizusu’s bottles from the fridge.  One plus of pumping was getting bottles for the future- but that was one of the only pros among a number of cons.  

With Misuzu being still so young, she didn’t do much beside nursing, napping and diaper calls.  She would coo and whine and clutch onto your fingers and clothes and hair, but her energy was never prolonged.  

After nursing, burping and playing with her she was yawning again. You left to place her back in her crib in her room as you let he sleep a little while longer. Flipping on the baby monitor, you left the room and went to the kitchen.  Your daughter had breakfast, it was only fair that you got something to eat too. 

As you scrambled the last eggs in your fridge, enough for Katsuki just in case you saw him this morning, you heard the front door open and shut again.  You smiled as you heard footsteps come treading into the kitchen and you looked over your shoulder to see your husband.  

You smiled at him as he rubbed the back of his head. Dressed in jeans that tore just slightly in the thighs and a t-shirt, Wwhen he saw you, he immediately started going towards you. 

“Good morning,” you told him as he was at your side looking over your shoulder. “Welcome home.” 

“Mmn,” he hummed at you. 

“Where’d you go so early in the morning?” 

“Agency.” 

“You should’ve slept in a little bit more.  You didn’t sleep long.”  

“I didn’t want to wait any more to just be able to stay home.” 

You smiled at his answer.  You brought one hand up to pat his cheek as he leaned into your touch.  

“Why don’t you go get comfortable if you’re staying home then?” 

He hummed at you again, nodding before he kissed your shoulder and sauntered back into your shared room. He took his time getting changed and getting into more homey clothes, because when he came back into the kitchen you were placing your food on plates for the both of you. 

This time, when he came to you, instead of standing beside you, he latched onto you from behind as he buried his face into your neck.  You could tell from the feeling of his eyelashes tickling your skin that he was still tired. You had half a mind to tell him to just go back to bed and he could really wake up and eat later. 

The way he tightened his grip on your waist and started to sway ever so gently back and forth in the kitchen made you stay silent though.  It was a serene moment between you two and you just closed your eyes and basked in it.  It had been so long since you just got to bask in him and him in you. 

“You hungry?” You asked as softly as you could muster. He nodded but made no effort to try and move away from you.  “Do you expect to eat with your face hidden?” You teased. 

“Just a little longer,” he muffled, his breath making your skin rise with gooseflesh as it tickled.  

Half and hour later, you were taking his plate from him as he cleaned it of food and went to put them in the sink.  He jumped from his chair at the table before he was gently moving you away from the metal hole in the counter where you were about to wash the dishes you had dirtied this morning. 

“I’ll wash them,” he insisted. 

“I don’t mind doing it.” 

“Don’t be so damned stubborn.  You cooked, so it’s fair.” 

You shrugged as you relented. “If you really insist. Thank you, Katsuki.” You placed a small, short kiss on his cheek before you moved back to the table to sit.  

As he cleaned up the dishes, you sat at the table and fiddled with your phone, scrolling through apps to see what you missed and then flicking occasionally to watch Katsuki’s back.  

“I feel you fuckin’ staring,” he spoke as he shut the water off, shaking his hands before he dried them on a towel.  The dishes all sat in a plastic draining rack as he turned around and leaned against the counter.  You placed your chin in your palm as you laughed at him. 

“Yeah? Got a problem with it?” 

“Not necessarily.” 

You both jumped when a small whine was heard over the speaker of the baby monitor you had sitting on the center of the table.  You pushed your chair out, but before you could even stand up, Katsuki was up and down the hall to check on Misuzu. 

When you made it to her door, he had already lifted her out of her crib.  She had reached up and snagged a tiny handful of her father’s hair as he hissed. 

“Listen you little brat, just because your my baby doesn’t mean you can yank on my hair.” Her small fist only yanked down on his hair more as if to say ‘I can and will’.  You chuckled as you walked into the nursey and started to detangle her hand from his blond hair.  

Katsuki watched as her fingers released his hair and instead wrapped around your finger as you bounced it slightly. Her tiny arm moved in tandem with your finger bounces. 

“Hey,” your soft voice calling him suddenly brought him out of his own mind. You gently pulled Misuzu’s fingers off you as you pushed your palm against Katsuki’s cheek. “Why are you crying?” 

Was he? God, he hated crying- especially in front of you.  He clicked his tongue, whipping his head to face away from you as he used one of his hands to quickly swipe under his eyes. 

“I’m not.” 

You smiled at him, holding back a laugh as you pushed your husband into the living room to let Misuzu play on the floor.  Katsuki sat on the living room floor cross legged as you watched him play with her as she lay on her back.  

Occasionally he would glance at the time and remind you to pump, as if your tender chest wasn’t a constant reminder anyway.  You always just nodded and told him you would when you needed to. 

The three of you spent the morning in the living room until the infant began to yawn back to back and rub at her eyes clumsily.  You let Katsuki put her down for her nap in the afternoon since he never really had the opportunity to.  Through the baby monitor you could hear him mutter and coo at her to go to sleep. 

When she was down, Katsuki came back into the living room and sat himself beside you on the couch.  He sighed, throwing his head back against the couch and closing his eyes, obviously ready for a nap himself.  

“Why not try and sleep while she’s down?” You had planned on getting him to rest while you start to go through the duffle bag you had relocated to the corner of the room a while ago to see what all he needed done with his hero equipment.  

He opened one of his eyes, seeing you eyeing towards his bag and he frowned.  He shifted his body, snatched your waist and threw himself back to lay on the cushions, you following in tow to lay on top of him. 

“Katsuki!” You scolded in a hushed tone as to not wake up your daughter who just went to sleep.  

“I’ll nap here and you will too. No objections.” He brought one of his hands up to start stroking your head. “Just let me take care of my god damn wife for once.” You just shook your head and pushed your cheek further against his chest to get comfortable.  When he says it like that, you can’t really bring yourself to oppose him.  

“Hey,” you whispered. You felt him hum in response to you. “I love you.” 

His legs shifted and his arms wrapped around you tighter, getting more comfortable. He let out a deep, comfortable breath as you felt him push his cheek into the top of your head. 

“‘Fuckin’ love you too.”