#anyway i'm sure i've PROBABLY mentioned something like this before but i felt the need to clarify it after the latest sotf chapter

[ravensroleplays]

An explanation of how Moonjumper's strings work:

Like Snatcher, he is able to remove people's souls--however, unlike Snatcher, he removes someone's entire soul; i.e. their consciousness, ALL of them, goes with them.

Think of it kind of like when Bill Cipher took over Dipper's body in Gravity Falls--essentially, his strings rip someone from their body, so he can use their empty shell as a puppet, and control to do as he pleases.

Basically, Snatcher's soul-stealing abilities in the SaSA AU are actually a toned down version of Moonjumper's, due to Moonjumper tricking him into eating souls and corrupting him--back when Snatcher stole souls, he was essentially only taking half of a person's soul...they weren't actually connected to the half he took, at least not at first, but depending on how long they were separated from their soul 'fragment', more and more of their soul would slowly start to leave them, with their consciousness being split between their body and their soul fragment, and given enough time, their body would be left as an empty, lifeless shell, like with your 'traditional' stories of someone's soul being taken.

As for Moonjumper himself, when he removes someone from their body, they are sent to a sort of limbo/in-between world, sort of like a Time Rift, except designed to trap them in a nightmare world that torments them by showing them their worst fears until their soul is completely destroyed.

[janeaustenbrandysmuggler]

The Hitchhiker (you can run...)

Apologies if someone has already pointed this out. I'm new to tumblr, and I'm still digging through all the amazing Good Omens metas!

Shax-in-disguise appearing and reappearing on the side of the road at the very beginning of The Hitchhiker felt really familiar to me, and I finally figured out why. I think we can add a Twilight Zone episode that's (conveniently) called "The Hitch-Hiker"* to the list of film and tv references we get in the season.

*I felt especially dumb when Google told me this episode literally has the same title as s2 ep4. In my defense, I don't know the names of any of the other Twilight Zone episodes I've seen, either.

Not sure you really need a spoiler alert for a 60+ year old tv episode, but I'll put a break in anyway. Go watch it if you can - it's properly creepy.

A brief summary: Nan Adams is on a road trip from Manhattan to Los Angeles. She's gotten as far as Pennsylvania, when her tire blows out and she runs off the road. The mechanic who comes out to put on her spare tire comments on how lucky she is to still be in one piece. (More on that in a minute.) As she follows the mechanic into town for a replacement tire, she sees a man in a hat hitchhiking on the side of the road and passes him by. She sees the man again at the service station after getting a new tire and mentions him to the mechanic, but the mechanic doesn't see him. Once she resumes her trip, she sees the hitchhiker on the side of the road again. And again. And again. And again. The farther she drives, the more she sees him, and the more frightened and paranoid she gets. At the height of her fear, she's convinced the hitchhiker is trying to kill her, and she attempts to run him over in order to make it all stop. She finally decides to pull over to a phone booth in Arizona and call her mother to try and ground herself back in reality, and we get one final big twist to end the story.

When I realized that hitchhiker!Shax appearing and reappearing in front of the Bentley reminded me of this episode, I decided to watch it again because I hadn't seen it in years. What do we hear almost right out of the gate?

So lucky! You could even say she dodged a bullet there. Oh wait...

(I think he says "Chalk up a win to the side of the Angel" here, but close enough.) Interestingly, "the side of the angels" really just means "the good guys" these days. In both these scenes, setting aside the fact that Aziraphale is actually an angel, it's used in the context of "you survived something that could have killed you."

One other thing I didn't know before is that the Twilight Zone episode is based on a radio play, also called "The Hitch-Hiker," written by Lucille Fletcher and first presented on The Orson Welles Show in... 1941. Probably just a fun coincidence, but really, why does it feel like all roads lead back to 1941?

As for the final creepy twist in Nan's story? Her mother isn't home when she calls. The woman who answers the phone tells Nan that her mother is in the hospital. She had a nervous breakdown when she found out her daughter had been killed in a car accident in Pennsylvania - caused when her tire blew out and she ran off the road. Nan goes numb and walks back to her car. She pulls down the visor to look at herself in the mirror, and she sees the hitchhiker sitting in the back seat. He says, "I believe you're going... my way?"

So there we go - a wink and a nod to a tv episode with the moral that you can't outrun your fate/Death, in a season that sure seems to have a lot of references to death in it. By the time Nan sees the hitchhiker for the first time, she's already dead, she just doesn't know it yet. She tries running, but it all catches up to her anyway. By the time Aziraphale sees the hitchhiker, Shax is just about ready to trigger the events that lead to where we are at the end of the season. The precious, peaceful, fragile existence of the last few years is already dead, and no matter how much Aziraphale tries to outrun that idea by acting like There's Nothing Wrong...

...it all catches up anyway.

I have a more nebulous set of thoughts about the "side of the angels" line being seen in the 1941 flashback, and if I can get them in any type of coherent order, I'll link to another post or put them here. Something about that line referencing a lucky escape that isn't so lucky after all for Nan Adams, and how 1941 so far looks like a series of narrowly averted catastrophes for Aziraphale and Crowley...and how it really feels like we haven't seen all of the 1941 story yet.

[lycheedr3ams]

Situationship with Konig (part 2)

fem!reader x situationship!konig

MDNI

Part 1

y'all weren't feeling the angst like I was lol, and i did promise a fluffy fic since I've been posting depressing shit. for the record, i'd love to keep part 1 as the ending, but I know it's sad....

happy ending! drinking, angst, some mentions of smut

konig didn't intend for this to happen. he didn't want to leave you, but he felt like a coward. he always wanted you. but the voices in his head kept saying things like "you're not good enough" and "she'll never want you." and so he left.

you weren't satisfied with Soap's one-sentence answer that konig didn't want to be a part of the team anymore. you needed to hear it straight from the Austrian beast himself. but you had no way of contacting him. no burner phone, social media handle, not even an email. konig was effectively off the map. which was probably good for someone of his profession, but it did nothing but upset you. and it wasn't like you could go asking around for a scary Austrian man's phone number without arousing suspicion.

you went to Soap for help. surely there was something he could do? soap said he'd try, but made no promises. it went on like this for weeks, you constantly asking Soap if he made any contact with konig, wondering if he would come back to 141. but nothing.

you didn't think it would be tonight, a random fucking tuesday night at 7:30, that you'd run into konig again at a bar you probably shouldn't have been in. 141 invited you to go out with them, wanting a quiet night off base, and you agreed without realizing this bar was in a seedy edge of town, with tightly shut curtains behind scratched glass and neon signs that flickered or didn't work at all. but you went in with them anyway, and you almost fainted when you saw konig hunched over the bar with a small glass of vodka in his large hand. he looked like he could've crushed the glass so easily, yet his ungloved grip was barely holding the glass between his fingers. his signature hood was on, as always.

ghost, soap, and gaz went up to the bar and pretended not to watch how you went up to konig with angry tears. you stood next to him as he stared down at his lap before he noticed you. he nearly jumped out of the barstool.

"verdammt," he whispered under his breath when he saw you. "i...didn't expect to see you here," konig said as he slurred his words.

"you lied to me," you said plainly as you fought back more tears.

konig glanced at soap and the others, who were staring at you two. konig looked away from you. "i'm sorry," he muttered before slightly lifting his hood and downing the rest of his vodka.

"why did you lie to me, konig?"

he sighed and looked down at the wooden countertop. "i didn't....want to hurt you..."

You scoffed. "you didn't want to hurt me?" you repeated. "fuck you, konig!" you said angrily as you began to cry. "leaving was the worst thing you could've done."

konig's eyes grew wide when you cussed at him, and his whole body tensed when you cried.

"i liked you konig. i still do," you admitted through your tears. he was as still as stone as he looked at you. you wiped your eyes and looked at him.

"don't you have anything to say?" you asked expectantly.

suddenly, you were engulfed by two wide wide arms against a hard, toned chest. you could smell the alcohol on his breath as he leaned his head down near the top of yours. he was holding you so tightly.

"do you mean it?" he whispered on the crown of your head.

"yes, i do," you say against his chest. "i wish you wouldn't have left."

"you deserve better," konig uttered, almost to himself.

you sighed against his chest. "shut up, konig. none of that."

he gingerly placed his large hand on top of your head. if you were with him in any other context, it might've been arousing, it might've sent you to your knees like you've done for him countless times. but there was nothing but love and vulnerability in his gentle touch.

"come back to the team," you whispered.

"ok" he said before you could even finish. "only if you let me take you out on a date."

You smiled and looked up at him. "you have a deal."

[mayariviolet]

I Don’t Smoke.

Pilot/ Episode One of ‘First Love/ Late Spring’

summary:

“So if you need to be mean, be mean to me. I can take it and put it inside of me.” // “I’m stronger than you give me credit for.”

-

Some letters addressed to Suguru before and after he defected were written by you, still in their sealed envelopes.

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cw: angst, no use of y/n, allusions to graphic violence, swearing, suggestive themes (but not really), references to blood, afab ‘reader’ x Suguru (I put the reader in quotations because technically they’re the ones writing the letters), fluff (if you squint really really hard), minor f! reader x Satoru.

a/n: I wanted to try something new! I love you, Geto Suguru! My bad for what I’m gonna do! Also on Ao3.

wc: ~4.5k

🏷️: @tacobellfreshavocado, @jeanboyjean (Reply below to let me know if you want to be tagged in the next chapters!).

September 2007

The day before, he defected…

Dear Suguru,

I'm slipping this under your door because I'm feeling a little exhausted after our last conversation. Even though it's been a while. I know our last argument has been 'solved' per se.

But consider this insurance if I don't wake up in time to say goodbye like I usually do! I've been feeling a little more drained lately; I'm sure you know why. I'll keep writing like this if this mission takes a long time. Although, I know we will talk soon. Good luck tomorrow!

With love,

Two days after he defected…

Dear Suguru,

It still feels weird doing this since we haven't talked like this since we were kids, but anyway. We haven't spoken in a couple of days. It's kind of like when we were kids, too. I guess. I heard Satoru and Yaga talking the other day, but I couldn't fully understand what they said. Only bits and pieces. It's like they cast a curtain in the hallway… haha… I know I'm eavesdropping again (don't tell my parents), but I can't help it! It's hard to get any honest conversations out of anyone here. Yaga is probably on our ass about that assignment we haven't finished. I mean- I'm just waiting for you to do your part. Suppose that isn't too much to ask.

Also, they should have fixed my door if they didn't want anyone to hear! It's still creaking! Maybe when you get back, you could also look at it. I'll probably slip this into your room again. But you don't have to respond right away. Just take your time. I know you've been busy going on all of these missions alone. I'm sorry about that. You're probably exhausted. I don't blame you.

Just know that my door is always open (unfortunately).

With love,

Five days after he defected…

Dear Suguru,

Satoru fixed my door finally! He truly is good at everything. It feels emptier without you here, even though it hasn't been long. But you'll be back soon to fill the void. If you visit your parents, could you tell them I said hi? Mine too. I miss them greatly, but I know our work will make them proud. Satoru has been hanging around my room more, even after some tough training sessions. It's friendly company, but it's not you. He won't tell me why he's always loitering in our my room.

I forgot to mention that he asked me to heal his hand in my last letter. It's strange since he can do it himself, but I digress. It felt… nice to be wanted. Even Shoko seems gloomy! Uncharacteristic for her… Do you think she and Utahime got in a fight? Anyway, she's been helping me with my technique and some hand-to-hand combat stuff! It's a little hard to follow, probably because we train in my room. I wish I were granted a little more space…

Shoko also helped me finish our assignment- we got an A! I hope Yaga isn't too mad, but he's been getting quiet whenever I ask about you. Rather weird, but not as weird as Kento's haircut, right?

They're calling for heavy rainfall soon (according to that sweaty weatherman we liked to make fun of), but at least it's better than the unbearable heat. However, you felt the sting of summer more than anyone.

If you're home, eat more and say hi to my parents! They always tell me how you'll change the world one day.

With love,

One week since he defected…

Dear Suguru,

Sorry about this letter being so close to my last one, but I feel bad. Kento's been avoiding me lately despite not saying anything about his haircut. Then again, he's been avoiding everyone. Do you think he knows what I wrote? Hopefully not. As I write this, I can hear him shuffling back and forth. Inside and then outside. His heavy shoes hitting the stone walkways reverberate in my room.

Haibara, being gone, has started to settle in even though I wasn't as close to him as Kento or you. Is the work we do… is it worth something? It has to, right? Otherwise, you wouldn't be taking so long. This letter is a bit of a throwaway, so don't worry too much about responding.

With love,

One and a half weeks after he defected…

Dear Suguru,

Kento left. The rain is starting to get worse, but it's still manageable. Thankfully, Yaga gave me that empty patch near our dormitory to start gardening. I'm planning on planting some yellow roses, amongst other things. They remind me of you. The cicadas seem to be chirping a little louder every night. Maybe they're having nightmares about Riko, too.

With love,

Two weeks after he defected…

Dear Suguru,

It's been getting bad again. I wish you were here.

Do away missions usually take this long? I can't remember since Yaga has kept me holed up. I forgot to mention that in my last letters. Something about the higher-ups wanting to 'keep tabs on Satoru and me.' It's weird because Satoru can strut around, but I'm just confined to the campus.

However, he is kind enough to get me sweets whenever he heads into the city (he teases me about my sweet tooth, but he's worse!). I'll have to get used to telling him which ones I like before he spends his money, unlike you, who always got it right. I think Satoru just likes to eat my leftovers…

The days are starting to blur together.

With love,

Two and a half weeks since he defected…

Dear Suguru,

I think my technique is getting worse. You'd say otherwise and that I'm only getting better, and then give me a big hug. Is it creepy to say that I miss the smell of your shampoo? Probably. But it was so strong that it burrowed into my senses, like Satoru's six eyes. Since you've left, I'm unsure what to do with my free time.

I hope the break you are taking from school is refreshing. Heaven knows you need it. Hell, you deserve it. The tree we used to read under together is already yellow and threatening to drop its leaves, and the sun is starting to set earlier. Shoko offered me a smoke, and I felt…relief. Maybe I'll start doing that instead of thinking about how you take your tea. Sorry, I know how much you hated the idea of smoking.

My parents stopped answering my calls (they have been for a while). Even writing this feels like a waste, but I know you'll respond soon. Feel free to do it in person. My door is fixed now, but it is always open for you.

With love,

Your dear friend

Three weeks after he defected…

Dear Suguru,

It's been hushed lately. The cicadas stopped screaming, but I haven't. I walk by your room every day. It's weird. I used to get annoyed whenever you and Satoru were loud, especially when we had early missions. I would storm into your room, ready to be angry, but then you would flash me that beautiful smile, and everything else seemed to matter a little less.

Sometimes, I think you guys liked to make me mad on purpose, but I know it was all love. However, in your absence, I realized silence is worse. Suppose you cared, probably not since you haven't answered my letters. Shoko said my RCT has been getting better than before. People keep saying I'm an "asset" because of it. It's stupid because I don't feel like one. If I were, then you would have asked me to come with you. I wish you asked me to go with you.

Your dear,

With love,

Your dear friend.

══════════════════

October 2007

Four weeks after he defected…

Dear Suguru,

Sorry about the short letter. Satoru is a little freer these days, so I guess I found something to fill the silence. Digimon is cooler than I thought! It's a little hard to understand sometimes, kind of like you. He's been spending more time in my room. I hope that doesn't bother you, considering our last conversation. Then again, we didn't talk much before you left, so you probably don't remember. Please come back soon.

With love,

Your dear friend.

Four and a half weeks after he defected…

Dear Suguru,

I have been missing the way you make me tea. So, I've been desperately trying to recreate it to no avail. Satoru suggested I add honey, and it made it almost too sweet. Still good, though. I realized on my third cup that what makes it special is you. But enough of that. Today, Satoru has been giving me tips and ideas on what to plant next season. He suggested some lily of the valley or some iris! I'm surprised he hasn't tried to convince me to plant some flowers that are as blue as his eyes. Granted, they are beautiful. Sorry, I should refrain from talking about how nice they are. He's been itching to tell me something, but I told him that we should wait until you come back.

With love,

Your dear friend.

Five weeks after he defected…

Suguru,

Satoru finally told me what you did. I'm getting that shaking rage again. There's a pain so deeply woven into my soul that my technique could never heal. I know writing these letters used to help us solve our problems when we were kids, but honestly? This feels a little ridiculous now.

There's not much I can say other than I hope wherever you are, there's eternal suffering- that whatever vomit-soaked rag curse you consume next swallows you whole. How dare you do this to our my family?

There's no way you could have known this, but after our weekly dinners, my dad used to go on and on about you. How you were 'the child they never had.'

How fucked up is that? I remember thinking, 'I'm here too! I'm here too!' They saw no value in something that couldn't clean up the fucking trash they created. That much was true. You saw that every time my father made ME cry, he made ME apologize.

Imagine a CHILD begging to be loved when that's all they should ever feel. I was just a KID. How burdensome it must be to demand what should come as second nature for parents. Their pure vitriolic energy seeped into my heart one night, and I considered destroying everything.

You knew that, and it was YOU who stopped me. Just like how you stopped Satoru after that day. God, you're a fucking hypocrite! Well, that doesn't matter anymore, does it? I was so close to getting their love back to how it was when I was six and didn't know anything. You stripped that away from me. God, you are such an asshole. Did you think you were doing me a favour? I keep replaying our last conversation in my mind. Each time, it's getting fuzzier, like a broken VCR tape. Rather than trying to remember how you smiled (which I am glad I am forgetting), I see this dingy aura. This whole 'monkey' talk is just the ramblings of a broken man, and I am not your repair shop.

You're a goddamn psychotic and selfish prick. How dare you murder all of those innocent people? What happened to us, making the world a better place? Was it all a lie? Just like another drunken kiss, perhaps? These stupid fucking letters never did anything when we fought as kids, and both of our parents made us you apologize like this.

You've poisoned us, me. There's not much else I can write other than I fucking loathe you. I always did. You were constantly parading around like you cared about me. You were saying that your 'Special Grade' status would never get in the way. How stupid was I to think that wouldn't get in the way because you were supposed to care for me? At least that's what you said to me repeatedly.

You were right about that. It wasn't your status. It was you. It was always you.

Yours,

══════════════════

January 2008

Three months after he defected… 

Geto,

I don't regret what I said in my last letter. As I write this, the trees which granted us shade now threaten to break underneath the weight of the snowfall. Which we have been fortunate enough to get. There are icicles that hang on my window sill. Clear and cold. It reminds me of how you're soulless and void of any emotion. Ten years of friendship have gone down the drain for a fucking pipe dream.

And what a waste! When I scream at night from the memory of you, Satoru comes into my room now. He holds me until the sun rises and I've calmed down enough or until I pass out from exhaustion. I hope this information wounds the depths of your soul. If you even had one, to begin with.

A friend

Three and a half months after he defected…

Geto,

I've been smoking more.

Almost four months after he defected…

Geto,

Satoru and I have been getting close. I'm unsure why I'm telling you this again or even why I keep writing these letters, but whatever. I've been going on more missions. Digimon, missions, sweets, and then staring at the dust that coats your bedroom door. It's a little repetitive and draining, for sure. But then again, so was loving you.

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February 3rd, 2008

Geto,

Do you remember when we first met? I do. This slimy worm thing smelled awful, and it kept following me! It had just rained, so I thought, 'Oh, maybe it's just the mud that was still on my backpack after that kid pushed me.' Which was a little annoying because I was on my way to that grandmother's house to tend to her garden. No matter how far I walked, the smell kept following me.

You were trudging behind closely, and with one quick gulp, there was an overwhelming relief in my body. It was as if Sisyphus was able to complete his task. Then again, you're more like Sisyphus than I ever will be. I understand that now. Maybe that's why you kept me away after what happened with Tengen. Or, I should say what didn't.

I'm sorry I didn't do enough back then and also that I ran away after you helped me when we were younger. Then again, when I tried apologizing for running away while braiding your beautiful hair like always, you said it was fine.

I don't know why I'm writing this letter, to be honest. Maybe it's because I'm feeling nostalgic.

From your former classmate,

══════════════════

April 2008

Six months since he defected…

Geto,

I have been thinking a lot about our childhood, our parents' expectations and just things of that sort. In general, I've been thinking about a lot and nothing at the same time. Mostly, I think about how stupid I am to keep writing to a man who would rather burn the whole world than try to nourish it. This is more for me than it is for you at this point.

My garden has been flourishing (well, it's attempting to). But Satoru is very encouraging when things get overwatered, and also a little annoying about the technicalities of it all. Satoru twiddling his thumbs while I tend to my wisteria tree is comforting, to say the least. Even though I know he is just itching to help. Sometimes, I let him.

From your former classmate,

Six and a half months since he defected…

Geto,

I think we're planning to move somewhere else soon, just as roommates, though. It was Satoru's idea. He made a good point of needing a change of scenery. Also, he has been very comforting in general, so I don't mind. I know whatever house or apartment he decides to buy will be way better than the hovel you're living in (hopefully).

From your former classmate,

══════════════════

May 2008

Seven months since he defected…

Geto,

The house Satoru picked out is very nice indeed. However, I expect nothing less from a clan head. My room is spacious, and it overlooks some lovely green spaces. It is a nice break for my eyes. Thankfully, it's still close enough where I can tend to the garden on campus, but Satoru was also smart enough to find a house where I can expand my green thumb. If need be.

It makes me miss our old town. When we had the warm summer sun kiss our faces, the promise of a better tomorrow. I almost asked Satoru if he wanted to visit whenever he had free time.

Although, he always makes himself free whenever I ask. But then I remembered that our youth, or lack thereof, is simply a ghost that will always haunt me. He's a good friend.

I still hope you're struggling. However, from what I have heard, you were able to take over the Star Plasma Church quickly. Or whatever you call it now. Congratulations. You've become everything you hate.

From your former classmate,

══════════════════

July 2008

Almost one year since he defected…

Geto,

It's approaching that time again. Sorry. I meant the anniversary of what happened. I think I have been able to process most of the merger that never happened. You were trying your best to stay as righteous as possible. I admire that about you. I've always struggled with that, but I guess I did better at masking it than you.

I know I said this before, but I am genuinely sorry about not doing enough back then. I went ahead and got myself stupidly injured when I should have stayed with you instead of following Satoru. He could protect himself. I'm not saying you aren't able to, but I guess I wanted you to see how strong I am. I want to say that none of it was your fault.

Although the hardship you've created after what happened with Riko is.

From your former classmate,

══════════════════

September 2008

One year since he defected…

Geto,

It's been more than a year since I last saw you. Summer came and went. Satoru and I were actually able to get our schedules lined up to visit Okinawa. It was a little painful, and I was reluctant. But you know him, it's hard to say no. He even checked the plane for anything that would be amiss.

'Cross my six eyes and hope to die, there's nothing here!' he told me when I was annoyingly asking for reassurance. I couldn't help but feel a swelling in my chest that I thought would never return. Once we actually arrived, it was a very relaxing time (He's finally figured out how to make my tea just how I like it).

It was such a nice gesture, and he was kind about the whole thing, so I bought him some sweets and wrote a note. He asked me if I would ever want to return, and I was about to insist that you come as well.

Luckily, we arrived back in Tokyo before the rain started to pick up. I've been getting assigned more missions, but this is what I've been working towards. Cleaning up your mess, no doubt.

From your former classmate,

══════════════════

August 2009

Almost two years since he defected…

Geto,

One of the more fucked up things in my life (other than continuing to write letters you'll never read) is how even after all this time, you are the only person I want to talk to. Shoko is going to school to become a doctor soon; from what I heard, Kento is doing well and- Satoru is a good boyfriend and a better dad.

Someone who knew you,

══════════════════

September 2009

Two years after he defected…

Geto,

I should have clarified in my last letter I am not pregnant. There are parts of my body that will always belong to you, no matter who decides to enter our home. Satoru adopted this boy and his sister. I didn't bother asking how or why we spent weeks tracking two orphans.

I know, even if Satoru won't tell me.

It's a little daunting sometimes being young parents. But I'm trying my best not to repeat any mistakes my parents made. However, there are certain moments when I can feel my father's venom come out to try to sting Megumi or Tsumiki. I would never let that happen.

I'm getting stronger for their sake. Maybe I'll try to cheat my way through medical school like Shoko.

From your former classmate,

══════════════════

December 22nd 2009

Two years after he defected…

Geto,

It's blistering outside but I will write something quickly as I am preparing for Megumi's birthday. Satoru and I have been making hasty preparations and a crappy cake (he insisted we tried when I said that I always wanted a nice homemade cake when I was younger) that will no doubt be replaced by one from a much better bakery. For a while, I was feeling jaded and jealous about how lavish Megumi's birthday party would be. But then I thought back to all of my birthdays those long forgotten years ago and thought about how I am so glad to have an opportunity to shelter a child from that experience.

In my reflections, I remembered your sleepy eyes and face smeared with an ice cream vanilla cake that your parents bought for me. I was fuming. Especially since my dad forced us to take a picture shortly after. I did a pretty good job of hiding it, though.

While moving to our new house, something fell out of my journal. It was the picture of that day. I'm sure you've thrown away your copy to forget your old life rightfully. Tsumiki came into my room right as I was about to put it away and asked who the dirty kid was in the photo. At first, I thought she was referring to me, but when I asked her to repeat the question nicely, she pointed to you. I told her the truth.

'It's just an old friend.'

══════════════════

March 2011

Three and a half years after he defected…

Dear Geto,

There are so many letters I have written, but I decided this is the best one for now.

Satoru is kind enough not to notice my fervent writings to a man I've been mourning who isn't even dead. I understand what you did. Sometimes, I'm even jealous that you had the courage to take action. You were trying in your way.

I have always felt like a passive observer, but now that love I carried for you burdens my family instead, with Satoru taking the brunt of it. I don't know if you remember, but you told me you wanted that. A family. Our family. Then again, I was half asleep, and I could have dreamed of you whispering that to me as I was lulled in the safety of your arms.

Wherever you are, I hope someone can give you what you deserve.

From an old friend,

══════════════════

September 2012

Five years after he defected…

My Dear, Geto,

I apologize for not writing that much. Then again, no designation could ever accurately describe our relationship. There's not much else to say other than I miss you. I finally cut my hair, not by choice. My son decided that gum belonged to my hair rather than a tissue thrown promptly into the garbage. I was annoyed, but then I remembered what a blessing it is to have him in my life. The ability to live in a world free of curses… I hope you're able to give it to him.

Maybe he'll inherit his father's technique one day. Perhaps not six-eyes since it seems a little exhausting. Once he's a little older, we'll find out, and then I will finally be able to return to work (despite Satoru's strong objections) alongside Shoko with less worry. Then again, if he were not to have a technique at all, I think that would be a greater blessing.

I do not wish to pass on the burden of our sins.

I just hope that if the time comes and he has nothing to protect himself from this unforgiving world, you will spare a child who has the wonder in his eyes you once had.

If I'm being honest, I knew you would never come back. I understood that the moment I slipped that note under your door only to find it unlocked and stripped clean. Still, a naive part of me kept writing and hoarding all the love I had for you in the hopes that you would one day return and take it all.

My garden, both on campus and at my home, is sprawling. In the spring, my children like to play in the large backyard pond. They're careful not to disturb the lotus that I've been careful to curate. Sometimes, I blink, and there are flashes of our childhood that I see. Specifically, summers which were spent in that grandmother's yard, tending to her vegetables and running errands. I hoped you would never tire of me dragging you along to this random grandmother's house, but deep down, I know you liked helping her as much as I did. It was a nice escape from the chaos of it all. I really started dreaming in those peaceful moments spent with you in that old house.

I have forgiven my parents, and now it's time that I try to accept what you did, along with the things I cannot change.

There has been an unnerving comfort in speaking to the ghost of who you once were. This will be my last letter for a while. Even though my writing, in general, has been sparse. I have a family, after all. I'm sure you do, too. I may be imagining things, but lately, these twin girls have been popping up wherever I go.

It seems stupid, I know, but they remind me of you despite their brown hair and large eyes. Both of which emit a warmth that I once felt whenever intertwined. In another life, maybe they could have been ours. Satoru listens to my concerns and is quick to calm me down. Ever since he's been checking in on me, I don't have nightmares anymore.

Sure, some nights are more challenging than others, but he whispers such lovely things that I can't help but fall asleep faster than I did with you. Sorry. That was an asshole thing of me to write. But I thought you would like to know I am being cared for.

You were my first love and best friend. My one and only.

With love,

Your dear, friend.

a/n: This is my first time trying this format, and I really like it! I might try it with another series of characters once I finish this. Also, the other chapters are written, but I am very anal about editing, so they're gonna have staggered uploads throughout March and April!

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© Please do not copy or replicate my work. Inspiration is appreciated, but credit properly! ♡

[switchundercover]

Tickletober Day 2: Accidental

A/N: HELLO TUMBLR TK COMMUNITY!! This is my first fic I'm posting on here, with tickletober giving me the motivation I needed to do so!! I've always been lurking in the community ever since I joined it, but I finally thought that it was time to put myself out there! I'm currently OBSESSED with ATSV, so I did a thing with Hobie and Miles bc I love how they interact in the movie! Anyways, I won't bore you with a super long authors note that most people probably won't read, so I hope you enjoy the fic!

Tw: swearing, mention of blood/bleeding out, tickles

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Hobie slumped onto the couch of his living room, clutching his waist in pain. He had been sent out on a mission, and had got beaten up.. pretty badly to say the least. Despite the insistence that he was fine and 'I've survived worse, I'll be alright', it didn't stop Miles Morales from checking in on him to examine and.. try to heal his wounds.

"Mate.. I'm fine, really." Hobie said, wincing as Miles examined the wound.

"Hobie, you're literally bleeding out." Miles replied, a hint of sass in his voice. Hobie just shrugged, surprising Miles with how nonchalant he was, but he did inhale sharply between his teeth as Miles wrapped up the wound in gauze. Hobie let out a shaky sigh, turning his head away from Miles. Hobie didn't like it when his friends took care of him like this, feeling like he could take care of himself due to being the oldest in the group. He felt it was childish of him to ask his younger friends for help, when he knew that they had to deal with the same, if not worse, pain.

Hobie's body flashed a few colours, the colour around his waist being relatively normal so Miles could see and tend to the wound better. The rest of his body was a muted gray, small bits of a blood red colour appearing on his body like paint splatters whenever Hobie would wince from the pain, the colours eventually fizzling back out into the gray. To anyone who didn't know Hobie, it was an oddly pretty spectacle (despite it being at Hobie's expense), but to those closest to him, it was relatively normal, so it didn't distract Miles from the task at hand; which was making sure Hobie didn't bleed out and die.

After the bulk of the treatment was finished, Hobie melted into his couch, feeling a bit more relaxed after the more painful part of the process was dealt with. Now, Miles was just examining his torso, making sure there were no other major wounds. The feeling was relatively calming, feeling like a sort of massage. Miles' fingers were quick to examine Hobie's torso, now examining his ribs to see if any of the bones had cracked. What Miles didn't expect was the sharp intake of breath that came from the punk, the spot that Miles touched flashing to a more neon shade of yellow for a brief moment before returning back to normal.

"O-oh, sorry- did I hurt you..?" Miles asked, a bit of shame in his tone. Miles looked at Hobie with a worried expression, afraid he might've caused more damage.

The usually cool and collected Hobie stammered for a moment before shaking his head, making up an excuse from the top of his head. "Nah, you're fine mate. Just wasn't really expecting it 's all." Hobie replied, that yellow colour on his ribs returning as if it was disagreeing with what Hobie said.

Miles noticed the flash of yellow, not exactly knowing what it meant. He knew that if Hobie's body was blue, it meant he was sad, pink meant platonic love (his body would be a brighter red if he was around someone he loved romantically), and many, many other different colours and meanings that Miles had memorized due to knowing Hobie for a good while. This yellow was new, something that Miles had never seen before. Miles thought he might've been reading to much into this, so he just gave Hobie a small hum in response and continued his examination.

Hobie's body stiffened slightly as Miles went back to examining his ribs, feeling an unbearably ticklish feeling every single time Miles' fingers would lightly press against the bones, checking for any painful reaction. The yellow colour only being on Hobie's ribs definitely eluded to.. something, Miles wasn't sure, but the colour made Miles somewhat worried. Miles withdrew his hands, a small frown on his face as he looked at his friend with concern.

"Hobie, if it hurts you need to tell me. I don't wanna make it worse." Miles fretted, his tone being concerned and a bit scared for his friend. Hobie felt a little bad that his stifled ticklish reactions made Miles worried, but.. it was still extremely embarrassing to him, so Hobie shook his head, dismissing Miles' worries.

"I'm fine. Don't worry 'bout it. You worry to much bruv." Hobie chuckled, his teeth clicking against his tongue piercing out of slight nervousness. Miles raised an eyebrow, inching his hand closer to Hobie's ribs, but not touching them just yet. Hobie's reaction immediately became apparent, the punk flinching away from Miles' hand, and the yellow colour on his body spreading slightly. Miles was confused. If it didn't hurt, what was the issue? Miles thought of himself in Hobie's situation for a moment, being injured and having a friend of his checking for injuries. He thought of somebody's hand pressing against his ribs, slightly pressing against the bone to see if they were hurt. Miles' eyes immediately widened at the realization, a small smirk appearing on his face.

"Oi, what're you bein' all smug about?" Hobie questioned, his body stiffening slightly as he pointed an accusing finger at Miles. Hobie figured that Miles had found out why he was reacting in the way that he did, and as a result of this, a small bit of red crept up onto his face, and the yellow along his ribs spread and became a bit brighter.

Miles couldn't stop himself from giggling, finding the situation incredibly amusing. "Oh, it's nothing.." Miles quickly darted a hand to Hobie's ribs before pulling it away just as fast, grinning as Hobie's body jumped away from it and an essence of a screech escaped his lips.

"Y-you wouldn't do.. that to me! I'm injured man, you'll kill me!" Hobie argued, narrowing his eyes as he found it a bit harder to keep his cool.

"Relax! I'll be gentle!" Miles said, his giggles getting louder as his hand made contact with Hobie's torso. Miles smirked at the way Hobie's body tensed up, and the slightest hint of a squeak made it's way past Hobie's closed lips. Miles slowly, and I mean slowly dragged his fingers along Hobie's ribs, the punk inhaling sharply as a result.

"Miles! Fuck- stop that!" Hobie yelped, the tiniest giggle slipping through his gritted teeth. Hobie's pleas were only met with a huge grin from Miles, who immediately capitalized off of that small giggle by pressing his fingers against Hobie's ribs and vibrating his fingers rapidly. In Miles' eyes, this was gentle, as he knew Hobie had a hell of a lot of resistance when it came to touch. Wether it be pain, or in this case, tickles.

"MAHAHAHAILES-! STAHAHAHAHAHAP- NAHAHAHAHAHAHA FAHAHAHAHACK-!" Hobie screeched, his attempt to squeal out a plea immediately replaced with more bouts of loud laughter when Miles decided it would be a good idea to use a small amount of his venom power to shock Hobie, the unbearably ticklish feeling traveling across Hobie's entire torso. Miles giggled and let up, allowing Hobie to actually breath. Miles snuck an extra pinch to his ribs, grinning at the small yelp that came out of the punk.

"Alright, I'm done. Don't want you getting hurt.. more than you already are.. you good?" Miles asked, Hobie responding with a shaky thumbs up. "Y-yeah.. 'm fine mate.. holy shihihit." Hobie chuckled, the tingly feeling from the venom still present. Throughout the entire ordeal, Hobie's body changed colour completely, going from gray with those hints of yellow (which Miles was now suspecting ment Hobie was embarrassed about something), to a full blown pink, with occasional flashes of the familiar yellow colour here and there.

Miles chuckled and stood up, going to the kitchen to get Hobie some water. Miles quickly returned, offering the water to Hobie, who drank it so fast you'd be convinced there was nothing in the cup in the first place.

"Thanks Miles.. you know, for tendin' to my injuries and whatever. 'S nice of you." Hobie said, sighing as he let out one final giggle. Miles smiled, loving the fact that he left a positive impact on Hobie's well-being. "Well, I feel like it's kind of.. in my nature to care about the people I love, so you're welcome." Miles replied, his smile growing a bit wider.

"Hey, you wanna watch a movie?" Miles suddenly asked, looking at Hobie.

"Sure, what're you thinkin' of?"

And so Hobie and Miles lazily draped their bodies over Hobie's semi-comfortable couch, watching a movie on some probably illegal website. Hobie couldn't shake the small smile that was on his face, the knowing that Miles, and all of his friends for that matter, would be there for him making him feel all warm inside. Miles caught a quick glimpse of Hobie, seeing that the pink colour on Hobie's body got a bit brighter.

And personally, Miles wouldn't have it any other way.

[dreamingofep]

Sinned Awakening pt. 19 🩸

An AU Elvis fic

(Vampire!Elvis/Vampire Austin!Elvis × reader)

Character/Fandom: Elvis - Elvis (2022)

Request: No

Prompt: Getting promoted to be Elvis full time housekeeper, you realize the man holds secrets beyond belief and your undeniable attraction makes you fear the unknown. [Fem!Reader]

TW: Cussing, tension, abduction, mentions of blood/gore!!!

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5.3k

A/N: Hello and welcome to part 19! We're closing in on the end very soon and it is making me a little sad! I haven't felt so attached to anything I've written before so its all so weird! I'm sure I'll write random blurbs about Vampire!Elvis in the future so he's not going anywhere😉 Hope you enjoy this next part!

A reminder, this is Vampire!Elvis so there is going to be mentions of blood/gore from here on out. If that's not your thing, sorry but it's needed for the story.

If you'd like to start from the beginning, start here I hope you enjoy and message and comment what you think!

You paced aimlessly upstairs, trying to plot your escape out of there. Every scenario you came up with, ended up with you getting bit by one of these vampires luring in the house. The number of them in the house was unknown to you and that made it even more dangerous to try to escape. Your stomach growled and your head felt weak. You honestly don’t remember the last time you ate a meal. So much has been happening and you haven’t made time to take care of yourself. You peer out the window and see two men at the front gates. Getting through them would be tricky and almost impossible. You look down and see it would be a far fall from the second story and you’d probably break a bone making your escape an impossible one. The city lights illuminate in the background of the dark desert. You had to be a few miles away from the hotel and there wasn’t much foliage to hide behind if you made it that far. Vampire’s eyesight was perfect even from miles away, you knew you were going to get caught either way.

You curse under your breath and close the curtains again, making the bedroom pitch black. You turn on the lamp on the side table and sit on the bed, covering your face in your hands. Your mind wandered and missed Elvis more than anything right now. He was looking for you, you were sure of that. You just wished he could find you sooner. You look down at your bandaged wrists and see blood coming through the wrapping. The stinging still coursed through your arms and winced if you moved your wrists a certain way.

The clock on the wall ticked menacingly, reminding you that you’re running out of time sitting here. Your head continued to pound and the added nerves didn’t help anything. You had to eat something or you’d pass out. You were too afraid of that happening in a house with starved vampires. The possibility of there not being any food in the house made you ill at ease. Why would there be anyway? Usually, the food comes to them…

You had to go and look anyway. Hopefully, Raphael wasn’t downstairs and wouldn’t make you stay down there with him. You quietly make your way down the carpeted stairs, taking one step at a time. You were sure it was pointless being this quiet as they could probably hear your heart racing away. Peeking over the banister, you don’t see anyone in the living room and you let out a slow sigh of relief. 

You remain stealthy and try to not make any noise once you’re in the kitchen. The space was huge and the cold marble floors made you shiver as you carefully treaded on. There was hardly anything on the countertops other than a few small arrangements of white azaleas on the far ends of the counter. There was a butcher block of knives by the sink and various items of cooking utensils in a container next to them. 

You find a pantry closet and peek inside. It was dark and the air smelled musty. You open the door a bit further hoping the light will light up the pantry more. The first thing you find is a box of crackers. It doesn’t look like they’ve ever been opened, which is a good sign they haven’t been tampered with. You carefully rip the plastic wrap off of them, trying not to be too loud. 

“Surprised you left your dungeon,” a man’s voice says behind you, making you nearly jump out of your skin. 

You quickly turn your head to look at who it is and find yourself disgusted when you discover it’s Daniel. 

“What do you want,” you say through your teeth. 

“You really must work on your manners. That’s no way to talk to a man,” he grumbles. 

“Go fuck yourself. I don’t owe you anything and do not need to talk to you nicely. Not after everything you’ve done to me.” You spat. 

“There’s so much hatred inside you. You were never like this when you were with me,” he says smartly. 

“Trust me, I was. I just knew how to hide it better.”

He takes a few more steps closer to you in the kitchen. His eyes were still red and he looked gaunt. You scoff at his current state. He looked pathetic and weak. Nothing like how powerful Elvis looked. While he was a new vampire and one whose power was unparalleled, it still didn’t scare you. 

“So this is what you wanted? The entire time you wanted to serve someone like Raphael? Because that’s what you have done to yourself. There’s no free will with him.” You seethe. 

“You wouldn’t understand,” He grumbles. 

“No?! Try me. What was the purpose of being with me if you knew that all you wanted was to be a vampire? That doesn’t include me at all in that picture,” you yell quietly. 

He stays silent and looks at you with disgust. 

“You weren’t going to be in the picture. I was going to leave you,” he says low. 

You nod your head and try not to laugh. 

“Yeah… that’s what I thought. Selfish bastard,” you mutter under your breath. 

“How did you find out? What they are?” You continue. 

“After some time of working for him, he told me. He said if I wanted to work for him, I’d have to handle the truth of what he is. He showed me his fangs and it scared me to death. But I pulled it together and tried to not let it freak me out. If it did, he said he’d compel me to forget and I didn’t want to,” he explains. His admission was surprising to you, the slightest amount of change that came into your lives freaked him out and he always deflected issues when you both were together. You were shocked you never noticed any strange behavior from him when he found out about Raphael. But then again, you two were never together and always working.

“What was your job with Raphael? Because you were gone all the time,” you ask annoyed. “Vampires don’t need ‘bouncers’ to protect them 24/7.” You say snarkily.

He takes a pause and starts explaining nervously, “I was the one bringing him… food whenever he wanted. That’s why I was never around.” He explains. 

“And how the hell does Raphael think he’s better than Elvis when he goes around doing that? He says Elvis has a control issue when in fact it’s him who has the problem. The only difference is he made you do his dirty work,” you say with disgust. 

Daniel stays quiet and clenches his jaw. 

“It wasn’t like that,” he says. 

“And you call me stupid. That’s exactly what it is,” you scoff. “But now what? What are you going to do now that he changed you?” You ask. 

“I uhh… I don’t know. Raphael hasn’t really explained anything to me yet,” he says timidly. 

You laugh at him, not surprised at all by Raphael’s actions. 

“Typical. I guess nothing has changed in the last fourteen years.” You mutter.

“What is that supposed to mean?” He snaps at you. 

“When Raphael bit Elvis in the army, he left him to figure out everything on his own. He went crazy because there was no one to guide him or knowledge of how to live with this newfound strength he possessed. I wouldn’t doubt you have the same fate,” you say. 

“He wouldn’t do that to me,” he grumbles. 

“Mhmm sure. Whatever gets you to sleep at night,” you say rolling your eyes at him and then realizing what you said. “Oh wait never mind...” you say smartly. 

He stares daggers at you, anger boiling off of him and he takes another step closer to you.

“Be honest with me, what do you see in Elvis? How could you possibly want him?” He asks.

You chuckle softly and shake your head at him, “That’s funny, Elvis asked me the same question in regards to you.” He looks at you annoyed and clenches his fist at his side. You continue, “But I’ve told you before, it’s none of your business. He takes better care of me than you ever could, that’s all you need to know,” you say coldly.

“You have to be lying. There’s no way that man would ever show a human any mercy,” he laughs at you.

“You don’t know Elvis! All you have heard about him are lies and rumors from either the newspapers or straight from Raphael’s blasphemous mouth,” you seethe, “How can you hate someone this much?!”

“The moment I knew he was fucking my fiancee! That’s when! I already didn’t like him, so it didn’t take much for me to push me over the edge. But when you told me what you let him do to you, I had never felt such rage. You were supposed to be my wife,” he growls.

“No! You already said you’d leave me once you were turned so you have no right to think you had a claim on me! You just became jealous of what you couldn’t have anymore. I didn’t want you anymore. It took me a while to come to terms with, but I can’t undo the past. We were not meant for each other,” you sneer. 

"All he ever does is lie to get his way darling. He might say he cares for you, but that can all be over in a blink of an eye," he snarls.

“You know nothing! Did you ever meet him before the night of the after party or was this hate you have for him based on only what Raphael told you?”

He shoots you a confused look and you sigh realizing he doesn’t remember any of it.

“He compelled you, the night of the afterparty we went to. I know you don’t remember obviously but I’ve always wondered… what made you lose your temper so bad? Do you remember any part of the night? I had never heard you yell like that…” you ask.

Daniel’s eyebrows furrow and he searches for answers.

“I don’t know… I’m sure it was because I knew things about him I had thought you did not know of… That entire night was such a blur… I remember what you wore and…I do remember watching how he would look at you from across the room. That hungry stare he had, the way he was practically drooling, taking in every last square inch of your body… that was enough to set me off. I guess in a way, I knew then he was having his way with you,” you say disgusted. 

You hum quietly to yourself and have to look away from him. The events of that night flood your mind and you can’t let him see your reddened cheeks.

“But now, you’ll have to live with the memories of him and that’s all. Raphael isn’t letting you out of his sight and won’t let you go back to him… guess you’ll be stuck with me after all,” he laughs menacingly. 

“You should probably get back upstairs. Unless you want me to tell Raphael his meal is waiting downstairs for him," he growls. 

You scoff at him and shake your head. 

“You don’t scare me. You’re the same pathetic excuse for a man that I met years ago. The only difference now is you have fangs.” You hiss at him. 

He gives you one last look of disgust and turns to leave you in the kitchen. You take a pack of crackers with you and throw the box in the pantry quickly. Before heading back upstairs, the glint of the stainless steel knife handles catches your eye. You had no idea how to hurt a vampire, but you knew they bled. That was part of the process of changing a human into one. You had to drink their blood to complete the process. If you could get close enough to Raphael and use on him… maybe you had a chance to run. Cause him to slow down in some way so he couldn’t hurt you as easily. You chose a shorter-bladed pairing knife and hoped it wouldn’t be as noticeable and would be easier to hide somewhere on you. 

*

Nibbling on the crackers you found, you watch as the clock’s minute hand inches closer and closer to six o'clock. You knew you had to get down there eventually or you were going to be dragged out by your ankles. You weren’t going to change clothes or anything. He didn’t deserve anything nice from you. You hid the knife under the mattress in the meantime just in case anyone decided to come in unexpectedly. You lift the mattress and take it out. You step in front of the mirror and slip the blade in your sleeve. The sleeves were already long on the sweater so it wouldn’t look out of place that your hands didn’t show very much when you walked. You test it out in the mirror and make sure you try to move as casually as possible. 

There was a sharp knock at the door and it makes you gasp. 

“What is it?” You ask, quickly glancing over at the clock to see it is a quarter til six. 

“Raphael wants you downstairs now. Don’t keep him waiting,” the voice says darkly. 

A chill runs through you and you know you have to go. This was the time to try and make your escape. It would haunt you if you didn’t even make the effort. It was a long shot, but it was worth the try. You prayed Elvis was coming. He has to find you or it might be too late…

You tread slowly down the stairs, gripping the knife handle firmly in your hand. The air felt thick and it felt like you could cut the tension clean with your knife. You struggled to breathe and every breath you took felt like poison going into your lungs. Every last instinct told you to run away from this man and not take another step. It wasn’t that simple and you wish there was another way. 

“Hello, honey. How are you this evening?” Raphael asks as you take the last few steps down the stairs. 

“Fine, thank you,” you say courtly, making your way to the couch he’s sitting on. 

“Please, take a seat with me. We should talk,” he advises, making a gesture to the spot next to him on the sofa. 

You hesitantly make your way to the sofa and leave space between the both of you. He was wearing a suit tonight and a red rose tucked into his jacket’s top left pocket.

“What did you need to talk to me about?” You ask carefully. 

“I was planning on giving you a proposition,” he says as his eyes look over you hungrily. He carefully pulls the rose from his pocket and hands it to you. It had thorns on it still and you handled it gently, making sure to not prick your skin and cause yourself to draw blood. You give him a forced smile and set the rose down on the small coffee table in front of you.

“Okay? In regards to what?” You prod. 

“Your future. You need to decide what you want.” He explains.

Your heart drops because you know what is coming. Anything he was going to offer you was going to be awful and you didn’t want to hear it.

“I-I’ve already told you what I want,” you say shakily.

“Yes but you see, that isn’t an option. So I’m giving you an alternate,” he continues.

“You can either work for me and do as I say or, I turn you and you live freely as you wish…” he says darkly.

You hold your breath, not liking anything that he’s said to you. Both options sounded terrible and seemed like your life would end either way. His gaze is intense and unwavering, piercing into your very soul; the thing he wants most.

“Work for you… as in getting you something to eat whenever you wanted or?…” you ask carefully.

He chuckles amused, “Mhmm… that will be one of your jobs… and anything else I desired…” his eyes trail down, taking in your body with his eyes. You feel repulsed, not wanting to be here another second next to him.

“How long would I have to decide?” You ask.

“Sooner the better my dear,” he says darkly.

You want to hurt him right here and now, but you have to be patient. 

Wait for the right moment.

You take a deep breath before speaking and soften your eyes when you look at him.

“I’d really appreciate… if you gave me a little more time. This is something I should give some thought to. You do understand, don’t you?” You say sweetly, cracking a soft smile. You boldly reach out to touch his knee, trying to get him to trust you and get him distracted. He quickly looks down at your hand on him, puzzled by your physicality. You quickly take your hand off and try to play it off as an accident.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep,” you say quickly.

He looks at you stunned, unable to say anything right away after your bold move.

You keep smiling at him, your eyes pleading for him to keep looking at you.

“No, not at all…You are fine. How much time do you need?” He asks softly.

“Maybe a day or two? Is that okay?”

“I don’t know-,” he says hesitantly.

“Please,” you interrupt, “give me some time. I’ll do anything you want. I’ll let you feed from me whenever you please, just give me more time,” you instigate, getting closer to him, and placing your hand back on his leg, a bit higher than before. Your thumb rubs soft circles there and you can feel him tense up. 

His eyes wander, looking at every inch of you and his breathing is beginning to hitch. You couldn’t let your nerves get the best of you. You had to act now or there would never be a tomorrow. He places his hand on top of yours and slowly lifts it up to his mouth.

“How about now? Can I take a bite?” He asks darkly, looking intensely into your eyes.

Your heart races and your head pounds away. You can’t control your breathing as you look back at Raphael. His eyes start to change in color and the monster inside him starts to gain full control.

“Yes,” you softly whisper. 

“Come closer. Sit down,” he says patting his leg softly. You clench your jaw, trying to not show the disgust you have. 

You carefully get up and sit down on his knee, displaying your wrist out in front of him. Your other arm drapes along his shoulder, making sure to not let him feel the cold blade of the knife.

“Go ahead,” you say with the most reassuring smile you can conjure. You couldn’t prepare yourself for the pain he would cause you again. The wrist you had reached out in front of him was not one he’d bit yet so he would have to open up another wound or bite on the mark Daniel left.  

He greedily grabs your wrist closer, taking a deep breath, and licking his bottom lip. He quickly unwraps the bandage on your wrist and squeezes your forearm tightly. You squirm a bit, the pressure making you uncomfortable, and not prepared for the agonizing pain. 

His fangs pierce your skin before you can look away and the pain shoots through your whole body like a lightning bolt. You close your eyes tight and let out a loud scream. His bite felt like he was about to take a chunk of your arm out. He wasn’t just drinking your blood, it seemed he was trying to mark you with the imprint of his fangs. Making it known that he bit you. You hear him start to gulp down your blood quickly, feeding much more than he did yesterday. The pain sears through you like a hot branding knife.

Your eyes shoot wide open and fear takes over every last thought. You feared that if he fed like this for much longer, his venom would enter your system, beginning your change. Your head pounded away and your vision began to blur. You grab onto the handle of the knife tighter in your other hand, knowing you have to act now or it’s going to be too late.                                                                                            

He takes a pause and takes his fang out of you, taking a look at your fragile and weak state. He grabs your face, making you look right in his dangerous eyes.

“Jesus, I don’t think I can ever get enough of you. You’re absolutely delicious,” he growls.

You whimper out in agony, not ready for him to take another bite. He lets go of your face and sinks his teeth in your fragile flesh once again and drinks more. Your body felt limp and your breathing was labored, you knew there was not much more time for you. 

You cry out again and feel the tears fall down your face. You knew it was time. You mustered every last ounce of strength you had left in your body and took a deep breath. In one fluid motion, you pierce the blade into his neck, forcing the knife to go as deep as it will go, and watch as blood seeps down his skin. He makes a loud gasp followed by a groan and lets go of your wrist. Still having a hold of the blade, you pull down on it as you get off of him and try to make your escape. He falls back onto the couch and groans loudly. 

Your legs can’t keep up with your thoughts and you stumble at every other step you take. Your vision was doubled and your head felt like it was going to burst open. You can see the front door, or at least you think that’s the front door, and hobble to it as quickly as you can. You fall and the cold marble floors make you feel paralyzed. Your blood smears on the floor and leaves a trail behind you. You had no more strength in your legs and could only crawl from here on out. The door seemed closer and you could taste freedom.

Suddenly, you feel a hand grab a fist full of your hair, and your body gets thrown against the banister of the stairs. You gasp as more pain radiates through you and through heavy eyes, you see Raphael walk toward you. You can see him pull the knife out of his neck and he grunts as he does so. The clank of the knife hits the floor and he kneels in front of you. His blood was still gushing down his neck and he looked like he was about to go on a rampage. His hand wraps around your neck and pushes you up against the railing.

“You fucking bitch! Did you think that was going to hurt me? For a second I thought I could trust you!” He yells, tightening the grip he has on your neck. You gasp for air and try to push his arm off of you but it's no use. You’re so weak you can barely keep your eyes open. He shakes you, making you look at his bloody red eyes.

“You’re going to clean this up. Guess I’m not giving you a choice anymore; I’m turning you now. Drink. Now.” Raphael commands, pushing your head to his neck.

The metallic smell of his blood filled your nose and it felt like you could vomit. You groan in protest and try one last failed attempt to get free from his grip. He doesn’t let you move and pushes your lips into his bleeding neck. You try to keep your lips shut, hoping none of his blood will be tasted.

You feel your body weaken and your eyes droop heavily, no longer being able to keep your body working properly. His fangs enter your neck with a crunch and the front door bursts open. Your body goes limp and your head hits the floor. The taste of blood hits your tongue and you try to spit it out. Through blurry vision, you see Elvis standing there in the doorway, eyes red and his face and hands covered in blood.

“El…” you weakly whimper, feeling your eyes close and your world start to go black around you.

*

Pain ached through your bones and you didn’t want to open your eyes. You were too afraid the pain would only get worse and be too much to bear. You hear a loud beeping coming from the side of you and you feel something covering over your nose and mouth. Moving your fingers, you felt rough sheets and a cold shiver ran through you.

Slowly, your eyes flutter and the bright luminescence of the overhead lights burn your eyes. You wince and slowly lift your hands to your face but cry out in pain. Cold hands grab your wrists and you scream, afraid it is Raphael who has you in his clutches. You thrash your hands and head, trying to get him off of you quickly. 

“Baby, baby it’s okay. You’re okay. Don’t move too much, you’re going to hurt yourself,” a man’s voice says. The southern twang in this man’s voice made your heart flutter in ways you couldn’t describe. 

“Baby, open your eyes. Please, let me see those beautiful eyes,” he pleads. 

You take a deep breath, hoping this was all a bad dream. Your eyes flutter open once again and try to adjust to the harsh lighting. 

You look up into gorgeous cerulean eyes, soft and loving. His black hair fell in small strands on his forehead and he looked at you like you were the only soul on earth. The glint of gold that hung around his neck sparkled even in this lighting.

Elvis.

God you missed him. He looked like an angel standing over you. Maybe you had died and gone to heaven. You had always thought he looked like an angel, too perfect to ever be real and living on this earth. Maybe, just maybe, he was your angel and was ready to guide you into the next life.

You raise your hand slowly up to his face, caressing his cool, sculpted cheek. You sigh when you feel he’s real and not some hallucination.

“El… you’re here,” you whimper.

He smiles at you, letting out a relieved sigh, and softly caresses your face. 

“Yes baby, I’m right here.” He coos. He hums pleased and kisses your forehead.

Your throat hurt when you tried to speak but you wanted to talk to Elvis. Ask him all these questions that were floating in your fuzzy head.

“El…w-what,” you hoarsely say and start to cough. You reach for your throat and feel it burning. It hurt like never before and then it hits you.

Did Raphael turn you?

You grab onto Elvis’ forearms tighter, fear encapsulating every fiber of your being. You try to clear your throat to try to speak again but it hurts too much. He calms you down, hushing you softly and tenderly.

“Shh, baby It’s alright. Don’t talk I know your throat hurts. It’s okay now, you’re safe,” he assures you.

It still didn’t answer your question. Were you turned? Was this what it felt like? The burning and the pain that you are dealing with right now?

Your eyes plead for more information from him. You needed answers.

The door swings open and you cry out, scared it was someone coming to hurt you. A woman in a nurse's uniform comes in with a clipboard and stops in her tracks when she sees Elvis hovering over you. He slowly stands up and straightens out his jacket.

“Not now. Come back later,” he instructs. Without blinking, she turns around and closes the door.

You look up at him and stare, watching the power radiate off of him so easily.

You wince as the pain in your neck increases and grab for his wrist. He looks down at you concerned and kneels down again next to you. You groan in pain and your eyes are full of panic. 

He calms you, rubbing his hand in your hair, pushing the loose strands out of your face.

“Shh honey stay calm. You’re alright. You lost a lot of blood, you almost died on me,” he says weakly, tears pooling in his eyes.

“You’ve been out for a few days honey. Your body was so weak. He nearly broke you…” he says through his teeth. You feel tears start to form in your eyes and the throbbing pain on your neck doesn’t cease to stop. Your fingertips lightly graze the bandage on your neck and look up at him with concern.

He closes his eyes like he’s in pain too, rubbing circles on your hand.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry he did this to you. I should have protected you.” He says sorrowfully, placing a kiss on the back of your hand. Your heart pounds frantically, scared that your worries have come true. He turned you.

He takes a deep breath before speaking again.

“He didn’t turn you. I got there just in time. I’ve never seen such horror… What he did to you… I’m just so glad I was able to stop him,” he says with a sigh.

“The way he bit you, caused a lot of damage. He bit too deep and it leaves a mark on the skin when a vampire does that. That’s why it hurts so much to speak. He was trying to mark you… as his…” he growls. Your tears fall freely and sigh in relief and pain.

You weren’t a vampire at least. But now you carried Raphael’s bite mark. Making it known that he bit you and to taunt Elvis about it forever. You’re heart sank, not only did the pain that wracked through your body hurt, but your heart ached for Elvis. This couldn’t have been easy on him seeing you in this condition and now have to deal with another man’s bite mark on the woman he believes is his Chosen.

You sniffle, wishing you could talk to him and ask him more but you felt so tired and knew it would only cause you more pain to try and speak. He wipes some of the tears away from your eyes and smiles at you.

“Don’t you worry about a thing baby. No one is going to hurt you now. Raphael is… taken care of.” He assures you, looking away momentarily. You were relieved to hear such words and it gave you a bit more ease to relax.

“Please, rest honey. I’m not leaving your side. When you feel well enough to travel, we’ll head home to Memphis okay?” He asks with a smile. You nod your head and feel your eyes grow heavy, no longer able to fight the need for rest. You feel him kiss your hand and you fall back into the peaceful arms of sleep.

*

*

*

Tagging:

@powerofelvis @burninlovebutler @neptuneismysister @velvetelvis @ccab @presleyenterprise @loving-elvis @theresalwaysep

@prompted-wordsmith @sillybookmarks @dkayfixates @ellie-24 @rktismylife-blog. @myradiaz @tacozebra051

@thatbanditqueen

@18|kpeters @flwrs4aust @emma181873

@austinswhitewolf @eliseinmemphis

@everythingelvispresley @chasingwildflowers @idontwanttoputanything . @ohjustpeachy

@elvisalltheway101 @austinsmutler @kingdomforapony @generoustreemystic @kendralavon7 @lettersfromvenus @claire-elvisgirl

@ashtag6887 @burnthheparaphilia @richardslady121

@jaqueline19997

@returntopresley @iloveelvis @rjmartin11 @that-hotdog @louisejoy86 @misspresley @cattcb @annapresley8

@arrolyn1114 @raginginkedslut @epthedream69

@mh777ep1938 @50sexyshadesfashionista @oldh0llyw0od @hooked-on-elvis @livelovedilfs

[munsonsduchess]

Girls Got Rhythm

summary: eddie fucks you in his van after a show w/c: 2206 warnings: 18+ only no minors, praise, swearing, oral (f recieving), unprotected sex (you're smarter than that), slight spoilers for Vol 2 authors note: so how are we feeling Eddie Nation? That season finale was ... something huh? Anyway this is probably going to be the first of quite a few fix it fics from me because like Nick Fury said "I recognise that the council has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid ass decision I've elected to ignore it" Not beta'd all mistakes are my own and add flavour. We die like heroes. Please reblog it really helps me out!!

(moodboard by me)

The atmosphere in the bar was electric, bands had been playing all night and now finally it was Eddie's turn, they were the headline act in the Hideout that night. Long gone were the days of playing to five drunks and a group of hicks that wouldn't know good music if it slapped them in the face. 

Turns out being wanted for and then acquitted of murder was actually something of a reputation builder in the metal music community. It gave Eddie a kind of street cred he didn't have before and now people were coming from all over to watch Corroded Coffin play.

Throughout it all though he had you, his number one fan. As you'd tell him again and again. You'd been there through Spring Break 86, through Vecna, him almost being mauled alive by those demobat things. You'd never once left him or dipped out when things got out of control and there you were now standing right in front of the stage in possibly the most sinful outfit you could have conjured. Eddie felt his cock stir in his jeans just looking at you, of course that was a pretty regular occurrence on its own but seeing you standing there with your homemade Corroded Coffin  shirt, the shortest mini skirt imaginable not to mention your legs wrapped in fishnets leaving nothing to the imagination and Eddie didn't have to imagine what was waiting for him underneath that skirt. 

You smiled up at him as he took his place front and centre on the stage, the spotlight shining on him giving his fuzzy brown curls a halo which was at odds with the devilish smirk on his lips as he began playing. The crowd had been waiting for this all night and they were going wild for Eddie and for the band, this was everything either of you could have wanted. You'd both remember this moment in time for the rest of your lives. 

It hadn't been easy getting here, putting in hours in the bar waitressing and behind the bar. It was really the only place that would hire you both since you'd made it abundantly clear that unless both of you were hired then neither of you would work wherever it was and having been rejected by everywhere else you'd applied for, even the video store which Harrington assured you both would be an easy place to get hired, you were more than willing to put in whatever hours the management of the bar needed you to if it meant for one night a month Eddie could stand on that stage like the Rock Star he was always meant to be and play to his devoted fans. Even if most of them only came to see the guy accused of murder in such a small town. 

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

After the set you knew Eddie would be helping the rest of the band carry the equipment back to his van since as big as they were in Hawkins no one else was going to help them carry their gear. Sure enough you found Eddie stood by the stage door slash delivery entrance. HIs hair was stuck to his forehead and the back of his neck with sweat but the smile on his face told you that he couldn't care less about that,

"Hey, can I get an autograph? I'm your biggest fan" you called to get his attention, "honest I am" 

"Baby you can have anything you want" Eddie grinned at you holding his arms open so you could slot yourself against him, "anything at all" 

"Anything?" 

"Name it" 

"Well in that case" you leant up on tiptoe to kiss Eddie softly, the leather in your boots squeaking as you did so, "you looked so good up there baby" 

"You look better" Eddie said, snaking an arm around your waist to pull you closer to him, "couldn't keep my eyes off you. I thought I was gonna have to jump off the stage at one point and let everyone know you're mine" 

"I think the amount of hickies you leave should tell people that" 

"Yeah but then you cover up all my hardwork with these" Eddie laughed, his fingers playing with your necklaces, "I think I'm gonna have to prove it again" 

You didn't need to ask what he meant. You could feel how hard he had gotten through his jeans and you'd be lying if you  said watching him on the stage hadn't had the arousal dripping down your own thighs. You loved watching him play whenever, wherever and tonight was certainly no different.

"So what are we waiting for?" 

⊱ ────── {⋅. ✯ .⋅} ────── ⊰

You had thought that perhaps Eddie would have told the rest of the guys that he'd arrange another way for them to get their stuff out of the bar that he'd take you home to your crappy little one room apartment and the murphy bed that squeaked so much your neighbour thought it was an infestation of some kind. 

You should have known better. Why would Eddie bother driving all the way home when his van was right there? 

Which is how you found yourself on your back with your skirt pushed up around your hips while Eddie knelt between your legs, eyes dark and hooded as he stared at your exposed pussy,

"Baby? No panties?" he breathed, casting his eyes upwards for a second to catch the way you bit your bottom lip as his fingers slipped through the mesh of your tights and ran through the slick forming between your thighs, "you're already so wet, is this all for me?" 

"All for you Eddie, love you" 

"I love you too sweetheart, I'm gonna love you so much" 

Before you could form a sentence your brain short circuited with the sound of Eddie ripping your tights and giving himself better access to your dripping pussy. You let out a moan when he used two ring clad fingers to swipe through your folds collecting your slick and using it to push a finger into your warm wet entrance.

A few mumbled obscenities fell from Eddie's lips as he watched his finger being sucked back into your waiting cunt again and again. How your hips bucked and searched for more, he never got enough of seeing you like this. 

Adding another finger he watched as you writhed beneath him, Eddie used his thumb to swipe against your clit and reveled in the broken moan that bubbled out of your throat. He knew he wasn't going to last long but he wanted to be sure you at least got off once before he did,

"Eddie, wanna feel you" you begged, "please baby, just wanna feel you" 

"Ssh it's gonna be ok" Eddie reassured you before readjusting his position so he could lay between your legs and lick a stripe up your weeping cunt. Removing his fingers so both hands could grab at your hips and bring your core closer to him. 

Eddie loved to go down on you. Loved the way your hips moved on their own and tried to ride his face. Loved the whimpers and moans and cries of his name you made as he tongue fucked your entrance, his fingers drawing fast circles on your swollen clit.

Your hands found purchase in his curls as Eddie sucked on your clit, his tongue drawing obscure patterns as your hips moved in a rhythm all their own chasing the high you could feel coiling in your gut. That white hot heat spreading through your veins as Eddie curled his fingers inside you hitting that spot that had you seeing stars and clenching around his fingers like a vice ,

"So good for me" Eddie praised, his fingers slowing their movements before pulling out. You held yourself up on your elbows long enough to see Eddie cleaning off his fingers before releasing them with a wet pop, "god you taste fucking amazing" 

"Eddie - " 

"It's ok love. I just - I need you ok?" 

You nodded, this is what you'd wanted too while you watched him on that stage. Your legs squeezed together as you dripped slick onto the floor of the bar, which wouldn't be the worst thing cleaned off that floor tonight all things considered. 

You reached out and helped Eddie to undo his belt buckle and the zip on his jeans. He was painfully hard and he needed to be buried inside you. To feel those velvet walls clamp around his cock was the closest feeling to heaven Eddie was sure he would ever experience. 

He shimmed out of his jeans enough to push them around his ankle, you noticed he'd also chosen to go commando tonight although that might have more to do with the fact that both of you had been ignoring the every growing pile of dirty laundry in your apartment but you didn't care what his reasoning was. Right now all that mattered was there were less pieces of clothing between the two of you getting what you wanted. 

Eddie lined himself up to your entrance and leant down to kiss you as he pushed himself inside. Both of you grabbing at the other, your  kisses all tongues and teeth as Eddie bottomed out inside you, he waited for a moment so you could adjust until you rolled your hips to signal him to start moving. 

Neither of you was interested in taking this slow it would  seem as Eddie set a brutal pace almost right away. Pulling almost all the way out before slamming back in harshly filling you up to the brim each time. His tip kissed your cervix as he searched for that spot inside he'd reached with his fingers earlier. The spot that had you clawing at his back, thanking whatever gods that he'd chosen to play that night in a loose black tank top instead of his usual layers of shirts and jackets. 

The sounds of moaning and skin slapping against skin filled the back of the van and you were sure people would have noticed the movement inside from the outside but if anyone did notice what you two were up to they said nothing. 

You could feel that coil in your stomach tightening again as Eddie's cock brushed against your sweet spot,

"M'close Eddie" you gasped, "m'so close" 

"Cum for me sweetheart" he breathed into your ear as his fingers circled your clit harshly once again drawing your climax. You clenched around him as your back arched and you came with a cry of his name on your lips.

With your sweet walls milking him for all he was worth Eddie's own release wasn't far behind yours as he filled you with his hot spend. Your walls fluttered around him as warmth spread through your limbs, nothing but fog and static in your brain as your orgasm took a hold of your body. 

When you came back down you found Eddie knelt between your legs again, polaroid in hand as he snapped a picture of your mixed release dripping out of your puffy pussy, "so fucking beautiful" 

When he had taken enough pictures Eddie sat the camera back down before gently using his index and ring  fingers to scoop up your mixed fluids and push them back into your swollen cunt, 

"Eddie" you whined, 

"I know sweetheart I know" he placed a chaste kiss on your cheek before fishing some cigarettes out of the glove box, lighting one and offering it to you which you took gratefully. 

Eddie watched as you inhaled the smoke before exhaling it in small clouds. He loved watching you smoke, loved the way you held the cigarette so carefully in poised fingers, the way you'd close your eyes when you drew in and the way you exhaled because you'd seen Frenchie do it in Grease and taught yourself to exhale exactly like she did.

"You're staring Eds" you teased, breaking him out of his revelry, "my tits aren't even out" 

"Do I need an excuse to stare at my beautiful girlfriend?" he shot back, his smile lighting up the small space between you, "that's what I thought" 

You laughed and Eddie wondered if he could record the sound and just play it forever, like the Mayfield kis and her Kate Bush tape,

"Hey, I was thinking" you said, sitting upright and stretching slightly to alleviate the kink in your back from being railed in the back of the van, "you wanna see that vampire movie tomorrow? Since we're both off" 

"Whatever you want Princess" Eddie agreed instantly, he would do anything she asked of him,

"Good cause Steve wanted to double date with this girl he's been seeing - " Eddie cut you off with a loud groan and flopped dramatically onto the floor of the van, 

"Why do we have'ta go with Harrginton? Why can't it just be us?" 

"Tell you what if you say yes to this I'll say yes to anything you want to do tonight when we get home" 

"Anything?" 

"Anything" 

"Oh you're on princess, you're on" Eddie's eyes sparkled with mischief and you laughed again.

 God you loved this over dramatic dork. 

[blossomwritesthings]

A fic where Felix helps reader through night paranoia?

I understand if this topic is sensitive or if you're not comfortable writing it, thank you anyway! :)

𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬

pairing: felix x fem!reader (afab)

genre: nonidol!felix. slight confession au. hurt/comfort. angst. fluff. reader pov. established relationship.

content & warnings: mild thematic elements. a shit ton of angst (this includes: mentions of hallucinations at night, being scared of the dark, high amounts of anxiety/panic attacks, sleep paralysis demons, insomnia). reader deals with night paranoia. felix knows how to take care of her at night. pet names (affectionately). cute fluffy moments between reader/felix.

word count: 3.4k

summary: ever since you were a little girl, you've had to battle the shadowy demons away from the edges of your mind each and every night. and you're used to dealing with it at this point. but sometimes, you just need your boyfriend felix to help you through the bone-chilling nights.

a/n: first of all, thanks for requesting this, anon! i've never written something with this kind of topic before and i thoroughly enjoyed it (and no, this topic isn't sensitive for me 😊). actually, while researching for this, i came to the realization that i might actually suffer from night paranoia myself. like, i get all panicky when i'm alone in my room at night and i physically can't feel comfortable/fall asleep unless i check under my bed/all the rooms around me. all of the horror content i've consumed since i was young is probably catching up to me now lol! 😂 hope you enjoy this anon, thanks for requesting~ 💕

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ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). © ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

For most of your life, you’ve suffered from night paranoia. 

 As a little girl, it started as just small little things late at night. Like how you always needed to check in your closet for ‘monsters,’ and how you wouldn’t feel satisfied until your parents combed the entirety of your room for any bad guys. 

 Then, in middle school, it grew so that you were afraid of the dark - you physically couldn’t spend a minute in the shadows of the night without feeling panicky, so your parents had taken to instilling a nightlight in your room in hopes that that would help your fears. 

 And it was in high school that you started to see the faces - swarthy, sinister-looking things that were neither human nor fantastical. Just… unsettling in the highest of forms. They made it so that you were afraid to close your eyes late at night, for you knew what'd you see just behind your vision. 

 Finally, by the time you started university, the cumulation of all of your childhood fears morphed into that of what the doctors called ‘night paranoia.’ 

 Being diagnosed with such a thing as a young adult was both relieving and terrifying. On one hand, it felt good to finally put a name to the thing that you had been dealing with since you were a little child. But then on the other hand, it was scary to understand all that night paranoia entailed, and realize that your symptoms would probably follow you for the rest of your life. 

 But mostly, it was just depressing. 

 To know that there wasn’t much you could do about it. 

 Wasn’t much you could do to combat all of the sick, scary feelings at night. 

 You chose not to tell many people about the diagnosis, so no one - except your closest family members - knew about it. 

 You didn’t want anyone worrying when it wasn’t that big of a deal. 

 You just made sure that you were never out around the time when you would get sleepy, and that you never stayed the night over at a friend's house. 

 But then, one day, you met a boy named Lee Felix in your Humanities class at university. He was a year older than you and majoring in Dance Theory, but was taking the Humanities class as an elective. The two of you hit it off instantly, and within no time at all, spent most of your time together. 

 Things started to turn murky though- when Felix wanted to spend the night over at your place one day. To him, you were acting weird about the whole thing and blowing it way out of portion. But to you- you just wanted to avoid it all, and for him to leave so that you could face the long night alone. By yourself. With no one around to witness everything that you experienced deep in the twilight dream space. 

 That night ended in a huge argument between the two of you, but eventually, you made up and went back to your old way of things. With you never sleeping in front of him. 

 So imagine your surprise, when the two of you came back to his place one night and you practically blacked out from all of the alcohol that you had consumed at the club earlier that evening. 

 In no time at all, the paranoia started. First, it was the racing of your heart, and then when you closed your eyes, the visions skated across your eyesight. You quickly sat up from the living room sofa, frantically beginning your nightly search around the room - the one you always did to try and dissuade your fears. 

 That’s when Felix walked into the living room, fresh from a shower, and saw you hesitating to open the nearby linen-closet door. 

 ‘Y/N… what’s wrong?’ He had asked in a quiet voice, but you weren’t paying attention to him at that moment. 

 You were squared off with the wooden door, your heart pounding in your ears as you psyched yourself up to grab the handle and yank it open. Really, it didn’t have to be that difficult. You had the same routine every night, check every single door to make sure nothing - or no one - was lurking behind it. But even still, you always froze up with fear just before you continued with your plan. 

 Just as you finally managed to muster up the courage and twist on the door handle, you felt a gentle hand land atop one of your shoulders. Fingers squeezed your skin, and the room dived into silence as you held your breath. You didn’t like people touching you when you were in such a state. But oddly enough, for once, you didn’t flinch away from the human contact. If anything, it helped to soothe some of your paranoia. 

 ‘Y/N, angel, what’re you doing?’ It was Felix who was talking. Felix who had a hold on your shoulder. Felix who was gradually bringing you back down to earth, unbeknownst to him. 

 And all at once, you broke down into tiny, muted sobs. They racked through your entire body, your shoulders shaking with them, your chest constricting with the pain, anxiety rushing through your veins like hot, molten lava. ‘I can’t do it, Lix… I-I just c-can’t.’ 

 Felix was turning you around then, arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you close to his chest. You buried your face in his shirt, tears staining the thin cotton fabric. At that moment, you felt incredibly ashamed of yourself. You didn’t like the idea of other people knowing your struggles; you had taken much pride in hiding such a weak side of yourself from the people around you for a long time. The shame around the paranoia was thick and confusing and left you in a puddle of tears most nights when you were alone, laying perfectly still in your bed. 

 You melted into your best friend’s grasp, fingers clutching at the loose sweatpants positioned around his hips. He held you close to him, running his nimble digits through your hair, trying to calm you down by muttering words of assurance in your ear. 

 ‘Shh, it’s okay…’ Felix whispered, only making you cry harder into his chest. The scent of him - of warm, sweet chocolate chip cookies and chai-spiced tea - filled up your entire body with a comforting kind of feeling, helping to slow down your racing heart somewhat. ‘It’s gonna be alright… I’ve got you, baby.’ 

 That immediately stopped the tears from cascading down your cheeks. And all at once, you were yanking your form away from his warmth, staring up at him with bleary eyes and flushed cheeks. 

 He had never called you that before. 

 Angel, sure. 

 But baby?

No. 

‘W-What-’ You began, completely at a loss for words as your eyes skated across his face - passing over his messy, dripping black locks, the star-like freckles on his cheeks, and stopping at his perfect, pink, rosebud-like lips. 

 ‘Now, will you let me help and take care of you?’ He questioned, leaning into you slowly, catching your gaze once more. His pupils were dark and filled with so much adoration and concern. And it was all for you. ‘Will you let me love you? Like I’ve always wanted to?” 

 You swallowed around the ball of anxiety forming in your throat. Because seriously, you must’ve been living in a dream. Lee Felix, asking you if you’d allow him to love you? One of the most popular guys in the entire university, wanting to be yours? Your best friend, seemingly confessing his feelings for you in the most inopportune moment? 

It was all so backward and confusing. Nonetheless, you found yourself nodding rather hastily. Like his offer would be off the table if you didn't accept right that instant, ‘Yes… yes, a thousand times yes.’ 

 Then, you had no time to react - as the prettiest boy on campus, as your best friend - gently yanked you close to him and captured your lips up into a yearning, full kiss. Your mouths slotted together perfectly, like the two of you were made to be kissing one another. 

 After a few beats of silence and feeling nothing but his lips against yours - tasting nothing but his sweet scent on your tongue, the two of you pulled away to catch your breaths. 

 ‘You wanna tell me about what’s going on with you?’ He asked, reaching up and tucking a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. 

 And surprisingly, you did. You felt ready to tell someone else - especially your newly-minted boyfriend. 

 It just felt… right. 

 ‘Yeah- yes, I do.’ You said in a faint voice, words coming out a little wobbly as you looked up into Felix’s eyes and noticed how they were shining with a newfound light of happiness. 

 A benevolent smile spread across his perfect lips just then, ‘Good, I was hoping you’d say that.’ He gave one of your cheeks a peck, before leading you over to the couch to talk about everything. 

 And the rest… was history. 

 Ever since that night in Felix’s apartment, you had been extremely open with him about your night paranoia. So, when the two of you eventually moved into your shared place after having graduated from university, it was a regular occurrence for him to help you through such dreadful experiences. 

 Over time, you had learned how to manage your emotions and fears. And most nights, they weren’t that bad. You just made sure you didn’t watch anything frightening or thrilling before bed, and a lot of the time, the faces wouldn’t appear. Some nights, you didn’t feel the need to check every room and look under every possible hiding surface. 

 But then on other nights, you had to go through all of the motions. 

 Check every nook and cranny in your one-bedroom apartment, 

 See the visions in your mind whenever you closed your eyes, 

 And every time you were home alone at night, you had the foreboding feeling that someone - or something - was watching you from the shadows. 

 That only heightened your paranoia even more, and each time those dark thoughts entered your mind, you’d cling to your boyfriend Felix when he’d arrive home from work. He was a choreographer for a popular entertainment agency in the city, so most nights, he’d come home fairly late. Sometimes, you’d fall asleep before he arrived. But then when things were really bad, you couldn’t drift off even when he had long arrived home. 

 You noticed how stress greatly brought on the worst of the paranoia. Usually, it originated from your work. Whenever you’d have a short deadline to meet, or a project to finish under a small timeframe, the night terrors heightened greatly. 

 And that Sunday was one of those nights. 

 All day, you had been running around doing errands. Getting groceries for the week ahead, tidying up the apartment, taking your and Felix’s tabby cat Pixie to the groomers. 

 Even still, the anxiety never left you. 

 You had a big presentation at work that next Monday, one that you had been preparing for all week. 

 The stress of it all only worsened as you arrived home for the day to an empty apartment. Felix wouldn’t be home until late that night - which was the usual on the weekend. 

 You went about the motions of cooking yourself dinner, feeding Pixie, and taking your nightly shower. All in the hopes of calming yourself down. You even tried watching your favorite reality tv show, but quickly lost interest in it when your mind wandered to work for the upcoming week. 

 So once the clock struck eleven at night, you deemed it late enough to turn off the lights. Settling back into bed, tucking yourself under the thick covers, you tried to make yourself comfortable and relax your mind. 

 But then, the bedroom that was plunged into darkness seemed to come alive right before your eyes- the shadows moving and shifting in the corners, the low hum of the central heating seeming to grow louder with each passing moment. 

 Feeling the anxiety rise ever so slowly inside of your body, you tried to dissuade your murky thoughts by turning to your side and letting your mind wander over what you’d like to do with your boyfriend in the upcoming week. You both had a day off that Wednesday, and you were planning of hiking to a nearby mountain for your date. 

 Your musings were interrupted by what looked like a ripple of movement out of the corner of your eye. 

 Body freezing up completely, 

 You sat there in utter silence, 

 Holding your breath, 

 Heart racing a mile a minute, 

 As you waited, and watched. 

 It must’ve been someone. 

 That movement- it was that of a person. 

 You had seen the figure of a human just as the thing flashed across your vision. 

 You should’ve checked all of the rooms in the apartment- even though it killed you to do it, you should’ve. Maybe, if you had, you wouldn’t be feeling so paranoid at that moment. 

Breaths coming out in shallow increments, you lay there for what felt like an eternity, having a silent stare-off contest with the unknown being hiding in the shady corner of the room. 

 It wanted you to turn your back on it, 

 Wanted you to close your eyes and think you were safe. 

 But not on your watch- 

 You weren’t about to let yourself succumb to sleep and- 

Just then, you heard the familiar jingle of the front doors keypad ring out across the apartment, momentarily breaking through your frenzy of thoughts. Then, shoes scuffed against the tiled floor, and a heavy bag landed on the ground. 

 Felix was finally home.

 But then, the shadow in the depths of the room seemed to ripple with movement, bringing your mind back to the threat at hand, seemingly forgetting all about the arrival of your boyfriend. 

 You waited, with bated breath, eyes locked on the corner that was closest to your shared walk-in closet. You kept your focus on the shadowy creature, even when the creak of the bedroom door sounded in your ears. 

 Saying nothing, you merely continued to lay completely still atop the bed, nestled into the sheets, watching in silence for where the being had gone. 

 It must’ve slipped into the closet just as Felix entered the room. It was probably waiting for the most opportune moment and then- 

“Angel?” Felix’s soft tone broke through the slurry of panic that had taken over your brain. You heard feet quietly hitting the carpeted floor, and then your boyfriend was right before your eyes, crouching down low so that he was at eye level with you. “You alright?” 

 His gaze raked over your stiff form - he always knew the signs when you were awake, when you were dealing with a particularly bad spell of paranoia. Your entire body would get all tensed up, breathing turning shallow, and you couldn’t focus on anything else until your mind was eased of the panicky thoughts. 

 “T-There’s someone in the closet, over there,” you said in a low whisper, pointing to the door that you had seen the shadow slip through. 

 Felix didn’t even flinch at your confession. He just tilted into you, placing a soft kiss atop the crown of your head. “Okay,” he signed against your hair, breath warming a chilly part inside of you. “I’ll go take a look, hmm?” 

 You watched in silence, as he strode over to the walk-in closet. One part of you wanted to see what was just behind the door. While the other part of you wanted to squeeze your eyes tightly shut in fear of what you would find there. 

 Heart pounding uncomfortably against your ribcage, you waited in tense silence as your boyfriend carefully opened the door to the closet. Your palms grew sweaty as you clutched onto the bedsheets around you, and for a few seconds, you stopped breathing altogether. As Felix leaned in to turn the light on, throwing the small room into an amiable pool of light. 

 But there was nothing there. 

“See, baby? It’s safe. Nothing to worry about…” Felix began, already moving to turn off the closet light. 

 You were shooting out of bed in a flash of limbs and blankets. Frantically, you stumbled into the closet, kneeling on the ground and beginning to check every dark corner that lay behind the curtained clothes. 

  Because no, 

 No- you had seen something. 

 Something dark and ominous had loomed in the shadow near the closet, 

 It must’ve been hiding somewhere in here and it would- 

Your hands tore at the clothes, searching, and searching, and searching. 

 When finally, you felt two familiar arms wrap around your waist, pulling you flush against a toned chest. 

 “Baby,” Felix said in a deep voice, the sound of it cascading across the shell of your ears and reaching down into you, touching a warm place in your soul. “It’s alright, darling, nothing’s in here.” 

 “But Lix, I saw-” You whined desperately, hands trying - and failing - to grab ahold of a pile of clothes on the floor and push them away so that you could look behind them. 

 Felix was turning you around, ripping your focus off of the garments and the shadowy figure and forcing you to hone in on his face. On the way that his eyes were soft with concern, the way his jaw clenched and unclenched in the uneasy moment. The way his midnight-black hair swept across his forehead messily. “You have to trust me, yeah?” He began, reaching towards you and brushing away a loose strand of your hair that had fallen in front of your eyes. “You know that I’d never let anyone hurt you, right?” 

 Already, you could feel the paranoia slowly leaking out of you. Like a hole poked into a balloon full of water, the anxiety began to trickle out of your system through the tears that suddenly cascaded down either of your cheeks. “Y-Yeah, I know…” 

 “That I’d never let anyone step even one foot into this apartment without my knowing?” 

 Your gaze was locked on his loose-fitting black hoodie, which you were clutching in either palm. The two of you sat on the carpeted floor in the walk-in closet, with your breaths beginning to come out slower than before. “I know, Lix.” You suddenly whined out, feeling the way your muscles began to relax at his words. 

 His presence alone always helped to console you. 

 But the things he said to you? 

 The promises he made? 

 That he’d always keep you safe, no matter what? 

 Well, those words always sent you down a spiral of softness and love. 

A delicate finger fit underneath your chin then, as your boyfriend gradually tilted your head up until your gazes met. 

 “Okay, good. I just wanna be sure…” His voice trailed off, as his mouth neared yours, and he placed a tentative kiss against your lips. “Now, are you ready to sleep?” 

 A beat of silence passed between the two of you, as you contemplated his words. You knew that the worst of it had already passed. The hallucinations were always the height of your paranoia. And even though there was a good chance that the anxiety wouldn’t completely leave you that night, you found yourself nodding anyways. 

 Felix was hoisting you up in the next breath, carrying you bridal-style over to the bed with a fit of giggles erupting out of you at his sudden actions. 

 He bent over your form, carefully tucking you underneath the thick duvet coverlet, smoothing down some of your hair atop the crown of your head. He stared down at you, a fond smile broadening his mouth on either side. 

 “I’ll always be here, angel.” He whispered, kissing you sweetly for what felt like the millionth time that night. “I love you so much… just wanna protect you.”

 As soon as he pulled away from your mouth, you felt the exhaustion wash over you like a vicious tidal wave. Dealing with such a bad case of paranoia always left you feeling wiped out as soon as it was over with. 

 A lazy smile cracked on your face, as you stared up at him with the hint of pink gradually creeping up into your cheeks. “I love you too, babe.” You reached out to him, grabbing his free hand that wasn’t playing with your hair and squeezing his fingers slightly. 

 “Sleep now, darling… I've got you…” Your boyfriend continued to card his digits through your locks, effortlessly lulling you to a dream-like state. 

 And the last thing you saw before you closed your eyes - before the darkness took over the whole of your body - was the tiny, delicate smile that bloomed across Felix’s face; as he watched you in silence, guiding you into dreamland with gentle hands and sweet words. 

 Fin. 

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© ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

[mrs-monaghan]

Hi how you doing?

So I have a question that is bothering me.

How do you think the conversation went when at one point in their relationship JKK had to talk to the others members?

Like i imagine they must have told them like "officially" even if the others knew smth was going on btw them.

And do you think they tried to warn them? Bcz they are idols living in SK and in the biggest group?

And what about the company? Do you think they had to "officially" come out to them too?

THANKS

Why is this really difficult question for me? Omg

There is literally no way for anyone to know any of this my lovely 😂😂😂

What we can say happened for certain coz it seems like it would be protocol, would be Bangpd holding a meeting with all 7 of them. Jikook being together affects the entire group after all. So their boss calling them all together after everything has been said and done is a thing I think we can all agree on, probably happened.

As for the rest it's all guess work on my end of course since like I mentioned apart from parties involved, there's no way of having an exact answer to this.

So this is just what I think happened and I wouldn't mind seeing in the comment section what others think also.

How do you think the conversation went when at one point in their rlship Jkk had to talk to the other members?

Members i think already knew: Jhope, V, Jin,

Member i think needed to be told: RM,

Member I'm not sure about: Suga

I dont recall Jhope talking alot about women but between Suga saying his type is a man with a beard and JK a girl with muscles and Jimin shamelessly wanting JK, it's easy to peg Yoonminkook from jump. RM, Jin and V however, if u watch their early content there is a way they talk that's super hetero. The word wife and girlfriend and kids used to be thrown around which is why I've always pegged Jin as straight. (Yes gay men can have kids too but Taejin meant with women for sure) while I think RM is bi, these 3 emitted the most heteronomative vibes to me.

My point is, I can see this being why RM could have possibly missed what was happening right under his nose. As for V, due to his original views on homosexuality I would've put him in this category if Vminkook weren't as close as they used to be. But the general consensus is that V felt some type of way when Jikook got together since he kind of lost his best friend to JK. Its because of this I can see V putting the pieces of the puzzle together.

First it was him and Jimin hanging out together. Then JK wants to join them all the time so now they're the close trio. But then suddenly Jikook are hanging out without him or keep disappearing and coming up with weird excuses. Idk if you've ever had friends that were shagging, but things start to get weird and suspicious real quick and before you know it, you've worked out they're hooking up. Especially when u start to feel like the 3rd wheel. I imagine that's what happened with V. The moment he realised Jimin likes dudes it was game over, really.

The reason why I think Jin didn't need to be told is coz the Jinkook dynamic is really strong. And we know it was this way from the beginning. What with Jin taking JK under his wing and being like a dad to him almost. He looked after him and made sure he got everything he wanted. And even though they have a Tom and Jerry dynamic going on I think JK respects the shit out of this man. I can see even now in 2023 Jimin going to Jin when JK won't listen and tells him to talk to JK or something like that. And it doesn't even have to be for a Jikook fight. I can see Jimin going to Jin about any concerns he could have about JK. Anyway, my point is, I think JK told Jin himself. That is, if Jin didn't already figure it out. Even if he told JK "I knew already" I can see JK wanting to tell Jin himself.

I cannot place Suga and I go back and forth for 2 reasons. 1) Him being queer himself may have made him automatically figure it out, couple that with him liking, liking Jimin, but noticing Jimin likes JK instead. Or 2) Suga likes to mind his own business and so he don't pay attention to members personal lives unless he needs to. Plus he was busy trying to practice hard on this complex choreo he didn't sign up for and had producing and writing to worry about.... idk guys. Idk about our mans Suga. But I lean more towards number 1 because just coz he minds his business doesn't mean he don't notice what goes on around him 🤔

As for Jhope this is a no brainer, really. We don't even need to headcannon this y'all. He was the first to know. Didn't even need to be told. JK was around them all the time in their room, in Jimin's bed. I wouldn't be surprised if he accidentally walked in on a make out session once or twice. Or that one time they thought he was sleeping and they started making out, little did they know Jhope could hear everything

Idk anon. Idk how Hobi found out but he was the first.

I imagine they must have told them like "officially"

For sure. I agree. At some point Jikook must have decided to actually say something to the members. Maybe 2016? I think that by Osaka Vlive all members knew. After that live no one was allowed to budge into another member's room without warning ever again so for that to have happened means all for them saw what we saw, which means they knew. So by 2016 they all knew.

V, Jin and Jhope of course told them they already knew. Maybe Suga too? And only RM was shook 😂😂 i can't picture otherwise guys. Tell me he's not confused AF here. He's like; what in the world is going on???

And do you think they tried to warn them? Bcz they are idols living in SK and in the biggest group?

Yes. Especially RM as the leader. I'm sure as soon as he found out he was already thinking about the downside. Jin and Jhope supported them immediately and told them to be careful. V and Suga did not address repercussions. I don't see them caring about that.

And what about the company? Do you think they had to "officially" come out to them too?

Like I said their rlship affects the group so yeah an official meeting with Bangpd had to have been had about this. Their contracts had to be adjusted, etc.

But I believe Bangpd supports them 1000% and was quite lenient with them until 2022/2023.

Hope I've answered accordingly. Share your thoughts guys. I'm interested in hearing who u thought already knew and who u thought had to be told.

Hmmm.... I wonder though, if moments like this one from 2014 made RM sus though..🤔 but still, idk why I think he just didn't think in a million years 2 members of his own group could do something like this 😂😂

[punsmaster69]

19/MAR/20XX

not too long after we'd left yesterday, asgore messaged me. he wanted to meet up; just the two of us this time.

i'm feeling a bit surprised and weirdly unfortunate that he's free today - granted, a bit early in the day again like our last meeting.

that makes three days now i've woken up before noon.

jeez, it's like i'm getting my life together or something. better be sure to sleep in as much as possible tomorrow.

anyway, he wasn't super clear what the topic was. catching up again, i'll take it as.

speaking of, better actually get ready for it.

probably should change?

——

before taking a sip, he tapped his fingers on the teacup a few times, seeming to choose his words carefully. something about it felt particularly familiar.

"Moving on.."

"It's something each of us struggle with a bit, is it not?"

he chuckled a little.

"Perhaps it has just been me."

"Yesterday was all the proof I needed of that."

setting aside his teacup carefully, asgore interlocked his fingers.

"Being shown that I haven't been the greatest at letting go of things.."

"Er, people, namely."

"been there, buddy."

"I realize.."

"...It's far past time that I try to move forward, as others have."

"To look at the future instead."

he made eye contact with me, fairly serious tone.

"Promise me one thing, Sans."

my (metaphorical) stomach dropped a little. i kept my expression still.

it's been years, yet promises still have never felt as if they fit properly in the unbalance my life has, but.

who am i to turn down a guy that gifts me socks?

better yet,

a friend?

"yeah?"

"Of course, I trust that you will and have been already..."

"Please be good to her."

"Better than I may have been, all that time ago."

"...'course i will. how could i be anything but, around a lady like that?"

smiling, like he knew precisely what i meant.

i flicked my collar as i had when i first showed toriel this outfit.

"wouldn't've dreamt of even changing attire in the morning, before her."

"not to say my bro isn't a massive part of that as well."

"still, point being that - in more ways than one, i've..."

i knew it before, but i fully realized it in that moment.

"definitely changed. for her sake."

"...if anything, she's the one that's good to me."

"lady's whipped me into shape a bit, huh?"

"She has a way of doing that to others."

"the mom effect..."

"It truly works on everyone."

"......well."

immediately clocking who the "well" was about, asgore smiled.

"You cannot say that Asri-"

clearing his throat.

"..That Flowey is impervious to it, entirely."

"How many times has he quieted down with simply a stare from her?"

"fair point."

"still, even she can't wrangle him perfectly 24/7."

"He seems to listen to you sometimes."

"barely."

"Working in conjunction, you two seem to keep him under control well."

"...You make for a good parent, Sans."

"?!"

"Please be careful to not spill your tea, it may be hot still..."

"Not to mention potentially ruining your nice shirt."

"sorry."

i wipe tea from my mouth.

"...just took me by surprise a bit."

"Do you not consider yourself as their parent?"

"......labels feel kinda intense right now."

"..I see."

[awgeezitsthetoiletnator]

your mind !!!!!!!! literally it's that its the desperate plea of them both being like this meant something to us both??? it didn't just irrevocably change my world view alone right? and now i've got to pretend to be normal about it because we are forever linked in the same circle like!?!?!?!

this is why i feel so unnormal about them both- Tracker being a crutch for Kristen when they were dating because her whole life has been her living a lie. She's moving in because she can't be with her parents but I'm sure she wonders if it's just because they are girlfriends. I wonder how Kristen feels about living in Mordred and Jawbone being one of her guardians (not even mentioning how she struggles playing like a child role- being that shield for her brothers and how we often see her square up to Sandra Lynn) now they aren't together, like does she feels out of place there? I also think that feeling of being out of place was echoed in the recent episode of oh Kristen's address hasn't been changed either- like none of the parental figures in Mordred did that for her- especially Jawbone who works at the school and would have know that was kinda important.

Similarly I think Kristen provided that role on Sophmore year (even being in a messy arc) to Tracker of being that support and the one who does listen to her. Like I wonder how Tracker felt when Adaine & then Fig joined the household- because she's no longer getting priority attention from Jawbone since he's so busy. Yes she's very independent but that's because she's had to be. Even looking after Jawbone before he got better- like they did live together she's probably seen the ins and outs of all his business. The way I see her definitely has a heavy influence from you recommending scream by beach bunny for Tracker because wow- just incredible no notes. Her just moving on to looking after Kristen- like to make herself feel useful and needed- like when she gets brought along for spring break she's like oh I thought you were going to abandon me. Like. Head in hands. My poor girl. (Tracker being an npc is so hard i need all her lore now brennan)

I think it's also why it's so like explosive with the withholding stuff about Jawbone because her and Kristen have become this codependent team because there is so much going on its like oh your my person right now and you still did this, you know all these things and yet my feelings weren't considered & were pushed aside.

Like even after this happens- Kristen then starts unravelling Tracker's religion through finding Cassandra. Which tears them apart. They are both so influential in each other's lives its so crazy.

Apologies for the ramble as this might all be so incoherent but i just have so many thoughts on them and their dynamics- but I think it's like the tragedy aspect of it all that is so aligned with this music. Like the greater the risk the higher the reward and all that- they are built up to be so life changing that the fall consistently follows them. Like we haven't spoke in months but I'm still happy that your religious uprising is going well- even in my commune with my own Goddess you still linger there too. (Not even getting into the Goddess being sisters it's just so much)

Like the Bang the Doldrums line of better off as lovers and not the other way around vs Kristen trying to be normal about calling them friends to her cleric teacher. Just rattling them in my brain for real. I also like Bros by Wolf Alice for them because it's such energy of like If i did come back would you still be there? I know it's selfish of me to ask but would you do it anyway. And definitely less emo but Renegade by Big Red Machine gives them so much. like specifically the post chorus and second verse. again sorry for the ramble but these new episodes are just making me think so intensely about them :P

please never ever apologize for sending such thoughtful asks to my inbox!! i’m sorry it took me so long to reply, but you gave me so much for think about…

- you’re so right about how layered and complicated kristen’s feelings on living at mordred must be now. they were probably a lot easier to overlook when she and tracker were together. the current status shift of “i’m living with my partner” to “i’m crashing with my friends” is wild to me. while i think sandra lynn and jawbone do their best to be good parents for the teens living in their house, there’s just so many of them that it’s probably be easier to parent the ones that usually lean on them for help (adaine) or show clear red flags (fig). (i know this is most likely because beardsley was the one who started the tremors bit during the last episode, but the way jawbone leapt up to protect adaine and fig but not kristen gave me pause. not because jawbone (or brennan for that matter) did anything wrong, but it made me wonder how many little things like that must happen every day in front of kristen and how she might feel about it). given kristen’s reluctance to their parenting and tracker’s personal, recent experience with leaving the church of sol, tracker probably seemed like the best person equipped to support kristen, even if it put her in a weird, uncomfortable corner where she is constantly caring for the person who is supposed to be her main carer as well - although it’s never as reciprocal as it should be. tracker leans heavily on her own experience to try and help kristen, which is why she works so hard to support kristen in establishing her church. she wants kristen to experience the deep, primal connection to YES!? that she experiences with galicaea, but it���s not the necessarily the same situation as kristen is the sole cleric responsible for her gods. due to how much is resting only on her shoulders, kristen’s issues always seem to eclipse tracker’s, but that doesn’t make it fair. tracker tries to help in the way she knows how and it’s still not enough. i’m so excited to learn more about why tracker wants to talk to kristen in the present day. in part, it’s probably because at some point they will be living in the same house again and they should be on good terms. but i also wonder if tracker sees the same pattern with kristen’s gods that cassandra does, and wants to offer kristen an out of her current situation by asking her to join the wolfsong revival. i don’t think there’s any universe out there where kristen would have ever chosen galicaea over cassandra when that path was first offered to her in sophomore year, but tracker could argue that lots of things have changed since that initial offer. in joining her, kristen would be one of many clerics and share the burden of responsibility for keeping a god alive. and maybe that’s a way they can actually be together again. 👀

- kristen’s aversion to being parented is so fascinating to me that it needs to be its own list item. it feels so relatable as an experience of an eldest daughter who’s been parentified for longer than she can remember. because i don’t even think it’s an aversion to being parented really - i think she’s expecting to be treated as a child in a way that’s familiar to her. when you combine kristen’s eldest daughter position with her status as the golden child due to her connection to helio, it’s not a far reach to say that the applebees treated kristen closer to another adult in the family than a child when she lived at home. i’m guessing she was privy to way more information and it was her job to shield and distract her brothers from it or filter it in a way that her parents approved. this is one of the reasons why i think she struggled so much while questioning her faith - her parents had always communicated with her in a straight and simple fashion and this suddenly shifted to unsatisfactory, emotional answers to her questions. (granted, i don’t think any answers the applebees would have given would be satisfactory based on how stuck they are in their worldview, but they jumped really quickly into just shutting kristen down instead of actually hearing her out) i think she’s seeking out that kind of straightforward parent-child relationship she used to have with her parents when she approaches sandra lynn after the tryst with garthy, like “tell me what’s going on and we’ll find the best way to share this with the rest of the kids.” i know that moment is followed by a “classic ally chaos moment” of kristen asking for whiskey, but i wonder if there’s a way to recontextualize it here. maybe she sees herself falling into an old pattern. maybe she can’t resist the temptation of actually being treated like a child instead of a pseudo-adult. maybe she’s worried that whatever answer sandra lynn could give her isn’t worth her positioning herself like this. no one wants sandra lynn and kristen to bond this season more than me i’m awake at night wishing as hard as i can believe me when i say this but i do think that she’s still trying to be a shield to the best of her ability from afar. i think the underlying question behind kristen’s decisions now when it comes to her brothers is “how do i turn the selfish action of leaving them behind into the best decision for everyone in the end without compromising my own autonomy or putting them in a situation where they get hurt?” she stays away from the applebees house so that her brothers don’t have to deal with the tension she would inevitably bring with her. she leaves them gold but without a note so her parents can’t interrogate them about their contact with her. and even in the last episode - choosing to simply confuse her parents and keep her cool instead of actively arguing with them is interestingly as calculated as it is chaotic because she probably comes off as less of a threat to bucky’s devotion to helio and more as a neutral eccentric. for now, it’s easier on everyone in that house if she is cast as someone whose head isn’t screwed on straight rather than a complete villain.

- i too would love to know more about tracker. all of your questions about how she might have felt when jawbone’s attention shifted from her to adaine and fig are right on the money. add all the codependency with kristen to the mix, it makes me wonder if tracker feels like she missed out on having deeper, possibly sisterly friendships with adaine and fig. i think trackerbees being so joined at the hip resulted in her holding fig and adaine at arm’s length as “kristen’s friends” as opposed to new family members. it’s telling that she only chose to leave mordred once she was certain that she could trust that jawbone would be safe with the people surrounding him AND that they were taking care of him as much as he was taking care of them. i don’t think she was waiting for something to go wrong per say, but the fact is that something DID go wrong and her instinct to hang around was justified. she watches sandra lynn and jawbone reconcile and that point in time happens to coincide with her decision to start the wolfsong revival and then she’s finally ready to leave with ragh at her side - the only other teen she allowed herself to get close to probably by accident bc they spent a good deal of time together when the PCs were off on bad kids only mini-missions during spring break. (also how are they going to share ragh. i’m hoping it’s all cordial in the end but how do you share a person who was a bodyguard / confidant for one of you but also was the cofounder of the lgbtq+ student union / honorary party member for the other for much longer than that. how do you do that) i’m so curious about her place in the birth order, but given that we’ve never heard about any siblings, i’m inclined to believe she’s an only child and it seems to fit. i’m an eldest daughter with a couple of only children as best friends and the dynamic of how straightforward tracker is in her actions while kristen is constantly playing 4D chess in her head to figure out the best solution for everyone rings very true for me. we know that her parents kicked her out after she was bitten, but she didn’t stray super far - not even outside the same pantheon of gods. granted, I think the lycanthropy made galicaea a natural fit for her, but i don’t think the journey to get there took as long as kristen’s journey to YES!? two sides of the same coin and all that

- ANYWAYS. the music of it all. i completely agree with your assessment of the tragedy and risk that emo music usually lends itself to, but i also like your other recs here! i was racking my brain trying to think of where i’d heard bros before - it was featured in the life is strange prequel (that also happens to center around another tragic sapphic couple). i absolutely love renegade for them and it made me think of “the 1” - another swift / dessner collab that feels very of the moment for them. i think about them a lot when i’m listening to adult mom. most songs i feel apply directly to one or the other, but i feel like “checking up” from their most recent album feels very attuned to their relationship right before they broke up when tracker was first on the road.

for anyone who has made it this far down, thank you for coming for my ted talk! i guess i have a lot more thoughts about these two than i knew. thank you again @sabrirene for sending this in!

[psychwxrdd]

Chapter II - IFHY

Summary: Everything goes downhill once Kate hurts Rafe Cameron. Well, should've known better than to break the Kook's king heart. Now she'll have to pay with her loved ones life.

Warnings: 18+, dni if you're a minor, death mentions, murderer, horror, stalker themes, possessive behaviour, ghostface! rafe, slasher, smut, obsession, yandere

"You didn't knew Kate and JJ are fucking now?"

Rafe's jaw clenched, his face was getting a red tone. He was sure Berry was high, it couldn't be anything else. Right? You wouldn't do this to him.

"Bullshit man!" He chuckled, sniffing the rest of the coke. "You're full of bullshit"

Berry wasn't one to care about anything, but he knew better at that moment than to keep that conversation. He has seen Rafe at his worst, he knew what he was capable of. It was better if he just thought he was on nuts.

The room was now uncomfortable, Rafe was staring at his own feet, his hands running through his hair, anxiously. Berry stared at the walls, trying not to look at his friend.

"Where did you heard this?" Rafe asked.

There was a moment of silence before he could answer that, trying to think of better words or ways he could talk about that without any drama.

"Just saw them around, i was kidding. They're probably just friends or something"

Rafe stared at Barry for what seemed to be an eternity. He had this odd look on his eyes, and a slight smile on his lips, but nothing about it was happy or normal. It meant he was about to freak out.

"Just...Right." his leg was shaking. "She just uh, she just ghosted me, i guess. But it's fine"

Berry nodded. He opened a beer, no longer interested. The silence was suddenly interrupted by Rafe punching the table. He got up and left with no explanation, and Berry honestly didn't cared, he was tired of getting involved.

Kate was surprised by a loud knock on her door. She was hesitant about opening, but did it anyway, not exactly expecting to find him outside.

"Rafe?"

"Where have you been? Why haven't you answered my calls?" He asked, his eyes looking bigger than ever. You could tell he was high.

"I've been too busy this week, Rafe, i'm sorry-"

"No, tell me the truth. No excuses"

She furrowed her eyebrows.

"What are you talking about?"

"You just have to tell me the true Kate, why are you avoiding me? I won't be mad, i just need the truth."

"We have nothing serious, Rafe, and i'm sorry if this is rude but i don't owe you explanation! You're always forcing yourself into my life, and i'm not always available for it!"

His expression went blank. He licked his lips, nodding his head, as if he understood it.

"So thats it? You think you don't owe me anything and we're nothing?" He raised his eyebrows, pointing to himself "You ever felt at least any kind of respect for me?"

"Rafe, this is crazy! You're here acting as if i didn't told you i wanted nothing serious, that i'm nor ready for a relationship!" She said in a exasperated tone, not believing she had to explain this "I told you that so, SO many times and you always said it was fine, and i thought you were fine!"

"I LIED!" He shouted, "I fucking lied, Kate! I thought you were in love with me too!"

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. He couldn't possibly be this much delusional.

Since the first time they met, she was nothing more than sweet to him, and he took advantage of this. He noticed how much she struggled to tell people "no", or set any boundaries. He took advantage of that to have his way with her. He forced her to consent to his stalkish behaviour, in other words, but Rafe of course didn't saw it like that.

"No, i'm not in love with you, Rafe. I never was, and i'll never be. You make my blood go fucking cold"

His eyes were scaring her, but she didn't cared. Not when she was so exhausted and needed to give it an end.

He stayed in silence and smiled.

"Are you really a virgin? Or did you just told me that to make a fool of myself, while you're fucking that filthy pogue?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you, your asshole?" She yelled, but he was quick to grab her jaw. Kate tried to push him, but he was much stronger, there was no fight.

"I asked you a question"

"Rafe this is fucking insane...Let go of me"

His grip only grew stronger, making her gasp with pain.

"Answer me."

"Yes, i'm going out with JJ!"

She was ready for the worst reaction, but all he did was stay silent, and then he laughed.

"Yeah? So he fucked you already?"

Her eyes teared up, this was unbeliavable.

"...Yes"

Rafe suddenly let go of her jaw, and she puts her hands on it, feeling an awful pain.

He was smiling at her, his eyes didn't looked blue anymore. They looked almost black.

His hands softly touched her hair, placing it behind her ears. Kate felt chills. His touch always used to make her feel uncomfortable, but that was another situation. It was another level of fear.

"Now, see.. I really wish you didn't do that."

He stared at her for a few more seconds, his jaw was clenched and his face looked red. But all he did was turn around and walk away, in his way to his dirt bike.

Kate closed and locked the door, finally allowing herself to have a breakdown. She cried harder than ever, she was scared, in panic. Who did he thought he was? What made him think it was ok to behave like this? Why couldn't he handle rejection like a normal person?

Honestly, why couldn't he treat her like a normal person? Why was he so controlling?

She wanted to call her friends, she wanted to call JJ, but she was too scared and tired for that. She went to her room, and cried untill her head ache. She just hoped he would now ignore her existence, and move on. Hate her and pretend she was dead.

[marvel-and-chicago-fan]

Sick Sister

First Tumblr post ever, i work on wattpad but i want to also post my stuff on here. Anyways hope you enjoy

Requested: No

Warnings: Fainting, Hospitals, and one mention of ambulances

______________________________________________________________

Mattie’s Pov

“Mattie” you woke up to Jay pulling your covers off.

“Jay stop, it's so cold in here, did you turn the heat down or something?”

“No, I even turned it up last night cause I swear I could hear you shivering”. Jay said while going to feel Mattie's head.

“Gosh Mattie your burning up”

“I'm going to go grab the thermometer and call will, I'll be back”. Jay said while walking out of your room.

“Alright Mattie, I'm back”.

***

Jay called Will six times in the past hour taking the hint that he was busy or he just didn't want to answer so he called Connor in hopes that he would answer.

“Hello? Jay?” Connors tone confused on why his co-workers brother would call him

“Matilda has a fever of 103.1. I gave her tylenol around an hour ago and doesn't seem like it's working”.

“As her doctor im saying you should bring her in, but if you think she's ok then you can keep her at home”.

“I'm going to bring her in and-”. Jay stopped mid sentence hearing a loud thump. “Mattie, Matilda?”

Connor could hear Jay running up the stairs trying to figure out what happened.

“Jay-Jay, what's going on? Talk to me”

You felt a familiar feeling in your stomach, either it's because you're hungry or you need to throw up the crackers you ate.

As soon as you stand up get really dizzy you try to shake off the feeling but you can't, so you attempt to head down stairs but as soon as you take your next step you feel your body hit the floor and everything goes black.

According to Will and Jay you tend to faint every time you get sick but you don't remember so you just believe whatever they say and go with it.

The first time this happened Jay thought someone broke in since it was 6 in the morning. You swear you heard will yell that it was just you and not a criminal but your brushed it off thinking it was just a dream”

***

“It's Mattie, she fainted aging” .

“Make sure you put her feet up i'll let will know”

Before connor could finish jay hung up to call an ambulance”

***

“What've we got, Maggie”? Will asked as the paramedic handed over the young girl to the hospital.

“Matilda Halstead, 15 years old, found unconscious by her brother… Will you can't handle her, you the hospital protocols, I swear i didn't know”

Will was just left standing there as he watched his little sister being taken care of by other doctors.

***

Wills/No Ones POV

“At this point i think we should just put in the hospital with 24/7 surveillance everytime she gets sick” Will trying to make a joke

“First of all she hates hospitals and needles so that's a no, and i just realized that i forgot to tell voight i wouldn't be there. Haileys probably thought i've gone missing from not answering anyone's phone calls”.

Just then Connor walks in “Ok so she's ok now and you can see her now, she's dealurios but that will wear off soon. I wanted to run a few tests and it looks like she suffered from heat syncope. It looks like it's what causes the fainting every time she gets a high fever” .

“Thank you Connor”. Will replied

“Anytime guys, anytime”.

***

Mattie’s POV

Just then you saw your brothers come in and will told you to stop playing with your iv 

“Ha you two look alike for some reason”

“That's because we're brother mattie” Jay said while coming sit down next to you

“Mattie? But the doctors told me i was matilda am i impersonating someone” You whined

“No Matilda, we call you Mattie for short so you're not impersonating anyone, '' Jay said, trying to contain his laughter.

“Hey, stop laughing at me. Your so mean” You said almost crying

“Oh mattie jay just a 3 year old in an old man's body” Will sighed trying to calm down mattie

***

The rest of the night was filled with mattie making everyone laugh then connor discharged her

“Is she asleep?” Jay says when will comes down stairs

“Yep she finally let herself relax and sleep”

“She's just like you jay”

“And how she's more like you” Jay gasped

“She loves to be babied when she sick just like you” Will chuckled 

“Since you wanna keep coming at me like that you're in charge of waking her tomorrow morning”. Jay commented

“What?”

“See you tomorrow night will”

Will sat there thinking about how he's raising two children instead of 1 little sister.

[kawarikisaki]

Kaito becoming Kid was all part of a plan.

I mentioned this off-hand in a previous post and I'm sure it's not any kind of hot take, but I thought I should probably expound on it because this is a bit that I think is true absolutely regardless of if the evil Toichi thing is or not, though Toichi being evil would definitely make it worse.

It was clearly planned for Kaito to become Kaito Kid, and it must have been a plan that was put in motion pretty early on in Kaito’s life but I'll get back to that point later.

Instead, I want to start with the evidence against this because it's not much, but there is one thing: Jii-chan claims Toichi told him not to tell Kaito- that Kaito must not be told that he was Kid. And we can assume that's true because it doesn't actually make a difference here whether it was or not, because I'd like to argue that the purpose was to make becoming Kid Kaito’s choice rather than something he felt forced into.

Next I'll go over some evidence that doesn't really need any twisting: the secret Kid room (Kid Cave? Yep, I'm gonna call it the Kid Cave), because there are two separate things I want to point out regarding it.

1. The entrance being in Kaito’s bedroom.

2. The jukebox (1412) that speaks words of wisdom and advice that are clearly addressed to Kaito. (And the cassette tape that calls Kaito by name when he enters the first time in the manga)

I feel like point 2 kind of speaks for itself, but there are a few counter arguments to point one and I think I'd be remiss to not at least bring them up:

We don't know how long Kaito has been living alone, but, the room that's currently his bedroom may not have always been his bedroom- perhaps up until Toichi's death that was the room where he stored his magic supplies and planned out new tricks, like an office, and that Kaito moved into the room sometime after the accident because he liked the large poster of his dad and being in the room he used to work in made him feel a closeness to him.

It also feels worth noting that it may not be the only entrance to the Kid Cave, especially considering that there's a car inside so there must be a car assessable entrance. So it could be that Kaito's room was not the intended entrance (though it certainly looks like it should be in all the versions we've seen.

Two more things I wanna say about the Kid Cave that aren't really relevant, but how likely am I to make post specifically about random details about the Kid Cave, and it's on my mind right now, so you get it now:

The poster door was probably remotely unlocked. When we see it open it doesn't really seem like it takes much force to move the revolving door- Kaito really seems to only be gently pressing on it and it spins. If it were always that simple then I find it hard to believe that the door would have never opened in the past 8 years. So I instead propose that the door had been locked, then the lock was either released on a timer when Kaito reached a certain age or the lock was opened via remote when Jii-chan's heist as Kid was announced publicly. (We actually kind of see this in the 1412 anime, because the gears move and make a noise before Kaito touches the poster)

And lastly, where do you think the Kid Cave is located in the house? I've always that the impression of Kaito's room being on the second floor of the house (he has a balcony to his room, but it's lower than Aoko's), and I think that the Kid Cave is likely in a basement. This is supported by the fact that Kaito falls when he enters the cave, and also by the fact that Kaito is smart when it comes to recognizing illusions. Kaito would absolutely notice if there were a space in the floorplan of the house that was unaccounted for- if the outside of the house didn't match up with the inside in such a way that a massive room was hidden (also there's a spiral staicase, so it absolutely isn't in the top level of the house). So basement.

Anyway, that's all for the distraction, now onto my final point of evidence that Kaito being Kid was something that had been planned:

Kaito himself.

I've always thought it was weird that Kaito learned about Kid and then after just a little bit of emotion-ing about it is completely prepared to take up the mantle the very same night. Sure he already knows magic, and there's some skill overlap there- but it's more than just that, he doesn't have the experience needed to be a thief yet but he does already have the skillset. These are presumably things his father taught him, or things Kaito was led to learn by reading his father's old notes. And the fact that he went to the scene in the suit that first night tells us that he felt like he was completely ready to do this without any kind of support; Jii-chan becoming his assistant was just a stroke of luck for him, he'd have been Kid anyway at that point.

So what I'm saying here is that Toichi knew he'd have to fake his death at some point, so he prepared, and Kaito was primed to become his willing successor to the white cape and hat.

[electric-spider]

Impartial sins

Chapter 7: forcibly returned

Warnings: death mention, nightmare mentioned, lots of time skips, ace breaking down. I think that's all. M!list link

Previously Next

Recap: Will I have energy to practice magic after the match? I might have to cancel on Solomon… I'll talk to him about it during lunch and see. Plus I still have to negotiate with Azrial over body usage… How annoying…

--------------

His hands tighten around my throat, I can't breathe… breathe.. please.. I'm scared, don't let me die.

--------------

“Another nightmare?” Simeon asks gently, I yawn and nod. “Sorry for waking you…” I mumble, “it's fine, it doesn't bother me at all” he smiles. “I feel safer with.. you guys…” I say, taking another sip of my coffee.

Before Simeon can say anything Solomon walks in, “we were called to the student council” he says, frowning and looking at me. I sigh and nod, grabbing Simeon’s hand to ground me. It'll be fine, I'll be fine. I let out a shaky breath. Yeah…

--------------

“Ace and Azrial have to return to the house of lamentation” Lucifer says. “What? Why?” I ask, I've been doing my work, showing up to practice… I haven't done anything wrong. “Purgatory hall doesn't have the room for them” he says.

I squeeze Simeon's hand, “they clearly don't want to-” I cut off Simeon, “it's.. fine, Solomon can you grab my stuff?” I say, looking at him. “I will-” I shoot barbatos a sharp glare, “Solomon. Can you get my stuff?” I ask.

He nods, “I'll be at the house of lamentation after R.A.D” I say, turning around and pulling Simeon behind me. Once I get out of ear shot I break down. I don't want to go back. I don't want to see them. Simeon holds me close.

“I'm sorry…” I hear him whisper.

--------------

I let out a sigh before opening the door. I walk to my room and am lucky enough not to run into anyone. I close and lock my door the moment I'm in my room. The last thing I want is visitors. I put my bag down and sit at my desk.

Homework. A good enough distraction, it won't last long but it's fine.

--------------

A knock on my door breaks my distraction, “dinner is ready” Satan says through the door. “I'm coming!” I say, huffing as I sit up. Not like I was gonna sleep for long anyway. I rub my eyes and stand up, walking to my door.

I pause before I open it and walk out. Can I do this? I walk into the dining room and sit down. I'm not sure…

--------------

I take another bite of my food and turn my music up. I forgot how loud it can get… Beel taps my shoulder and points at Lucifer who, for whatever reason is eating with them today. I pause my music and look at Lucifer.

“Need something?” I ask, putting my fork down. “You've been quiet, talking to Azrial?” He asks. Why the sudden question? He is trying to get me to warm up to him or something? “No, Azrial is asleep and I have nothing to talk about” I say.

I don't have anything to say to these people. Taking me away from the only people I feel like I can trust makes it harder to move on. I wonder how they are doing? I haven't texted them since dinner… I'll text them later.

“I'm going to my room, text me if you need something” I say, getting up. I'm quick to return to my room and lock it, I felt like I was suffocating. I look at the time, it's probably best for me to text them later. I yawn, yeah, later.

I put my phone on the charger and lay down. I huff and turn over, maybe I'll sleep tonight.

Fun fact!: Azrial was the most hurt after lesson 16 because he trusted them more than Ace did.

Taglist:

@cuddlybelphie @doomsday-fae @a-crazy-little-goblin @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf

[cceanvvaves]

ghost; y.jy

(moved to isanggayfrog) warning: car accident (idk if this counts)

Jeongyeon grumbled into her newspaper, muttering something about "stupid politics" and "where's the damn comics?". She was so immersed in it that she almost didn't notice the small boy waiting patiently for her. Once she did, though, she let out a sort of startled squeak.

The boy was still young, yet there was no sign of a parent or guardian around. In his hands, a basket of roses lay, waiting to be sold. "Would you like one, miss?" His voice was squeaky, his round, bright eyes full of innocence despite the faded, raggedy clothes he wore.

Jeongyeon had no use for roses at the moment, but she felt bad for this kid. He shouldn't be out in the streets at this age. No one should. "Alright," she said. "I'll have the lot."

There were maybe a dozen, enough for a bouquet, though she's not sure where she could put it. However, her body is flooded with happiness at the way the little boy's eyes shone with gratitude while accepting payment. Before he left, she called out to him. "Hey, wait." She picked up the bag of bread and muffins beside her and held it out to him. "Have one for yourself and give the rest to your family. Go home now, it's not safe for kids like you to be out this late."

The boy mumbled out a shy thank you and left. Jeongyeon smiled at the way he happily chewed on a muffin. It dropped slowly when she remembered the bouquet of roses on her lap.

Her worries were washed away when she saw a young man. On a date, she assumed, based on him being dressed-up. "Excuse me," she called out to him, and he turned, confused. "Are you.. are you seeing someone?"

What a weird question to ask a stranger, Jeongyeon scolded herself. But the man brightened up. "Yes, actually. That's my girlfriend over there..." He pointed, and Jeongyeon nodded. "Listen, why don't you give her these roses? I'm sure she'd like that, and I've no need for them anyway."

"Oh, no!" The man's eyes widened. "I-I can't do that! They're yours, miss-" Jeongyeon chuckled. She handed him the bouquet and patted his back. "Good luck."

She watched him secretly over the top of her newspaper. The man said something and revealed the flowers, causing the girl to squeal and wrap him in a hug. Jeongyeon smiled, though it was bittersweet. She could've been like that couple: so young and dumb and lovesick. She could be giggling like a fool with hearts in her eyes. But.. oh, well.

With a sigh, she lowered her gaze to the sudoku puzzles.

You were her world. Everything she does is about you, for you, towards you. She's like an obedient puppy who follows her master everywhere, ears perking up each time you are mentioned. She talks to and about you every chance she gets, manages to slip you into every conversation. She listens, because God your voice was so perfect, it had a unique tone and it was yours.

Her body melts every time she senses your presence, every time your familiar scent invades her nostrils. She teases you just so she could see that cute pout of yours then attempts to wipe it off with a lame joke you couldn't help but laugh at. She'd pull you aside and make sure you've eaten and drank water, that you've taken your vitamins, and then she'd ask about your day and be your shoulder to lean on if it was bad. She'd hold you and touch you and kiss you and it's just so weird because she wasn't even the touchy type. It's probably a bad thing that she revolves everything around you like a planet to your sun but damn, she's never even thought about it in a negative way. All she knows is that she loves you, so, so much.

"Screw those, Jeongie," you'd say, and then you'd pull her away from that sudoku puzzle she's been staring at for hours and to her bed and she'd protest because really, she needed to finish but once your lips are on hers her mind just blanks.

"We'll get caught," you mutter but the mischievous sparkle in your eyes suggests that you wouldn't care. Jeongyeon scoffs, her arms keeping you trapped against the sinks. "So what?" And you'd retort "Can't even bring me inside a stall, huh." But you wrap your arms around her anyway.

And then you were curled up against her in front of the television, caressing her knuckles with the pad of your thumb. And you look at her and voice out your ideas of the future with her and she looks back at you with those soft, loving eyes.

Jeongyeon didn't even notice the tears running down her face until she saw the blotches of smudged ink on her newspaper. How long has she sat there, thinking of the past and looking like an idiot? The sky was dark now, so she decided to head back. Alone.

But when she reached her house - not home. You were her home. - she was allowed to think again. So she thought of you.

You weren't a Twice member, but you might as well have been. Every day was spent with the girls: talking and laughing and sometimes even learning their songs. Really, the girls adored you and Jeongyeon was surprised because how did Dispatch not suspect anything? Except she slowly regretted it, because now she won't have a chance to show you off anymore.

She remembered the day as vividly as the day you two got together. The group was on their way to the last concert venue of their tour, and she was so excited and was waiting for you to arrive but you never did. The manager only looked at her with sad eyes and the news written on her phone almost broke her.

It was a message from some hospital saying that you were involved in a car accident and that they'd tried to do everything but you didn't pull through and that they were very sorry. Jeongyeon remembered feeling numb. So numb because she couldn't process it, couldn't understand like how could you just be gone?

She'd denied it, said it must've been a horrible prank and her brain must've blanked out because the next thing she knew, she was in front of the producer. Nothing stayed in her mind until the last performance, her heart aching because this would be her last stage, her last song, her last bow. The time would soon come when she would say "This has been Twice's Jeongyeon. Thank you."

And she felt guilty: guilty because she let her fans down, guilty because she ruined her members' dreams, guilty because she couldn't save you. If only she'd insisted you ride in the same van as her, if only she were in your place then this wouldn't have happened.

Jeongyeon remembered the headlines following, saying that Twice would go on hiatus until they fully disbanded or decided to come back. She remembered how disappointed she knew you would be, throwing her dreams away just because you-

Oh, God. Why was she on the floor? Why was it so hard to breathe?

It's been five years, Jeongyeon thought to herself. Get yourself together.

Exactly. Y/N would be so disappointed in you, crawling around like this, the other half of her brain hissed. The voice in her head adopted your voice. What are you doing with your life, Yoo Jeongyeon? You used to be on top of the world.

Jeongyeon tried to stifle a sob. Why is this happening to me?

She expected more insults and degradations to come from your voice in her head, but instead it was replaced by softer, kinder words. I love you, Yoo Jeongyeon. Whatever this is, you can get through it. I'm always her for you, waiting until it's your turn.

Her eyes landed on the phone on the floor. They probably miss you. You know you do.

So Jeongyeon sucked back her tears and wiped her nose and picked up the small device. She couldn't call the youngsters. Even if they've grown older and wiser, she doesn't have the heart to worry them.

Not Nayeon. That girl would be too worried, would ask too many questions.

She thought for a bit more and..

"Hello?" A familiar voice came from the other line. Jeongyeon almost broke down again. Her voice was shaky when she replied. "Jihyo."

Silence. Was Jihyo okay? "Jeongyeon." She sounded relieved. "It's been a while."

It really has, Jeongyon mentally agreed. I've been so distant for five years.

"You need anything?"

Jeongyeon smiled. "Yeah. Can you call the other girls? There's a few things I want to talk about."

Jihyo paused. "Okay. And, Jeongyeon?"

"Yeah?"

"We've missed you." The younger woman hung up before she could reply, but she felt as if a weight had been lifted off her chest.

Maybe Twice could still be one.

Maybe she could feel whole again.