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princessamericachavez · 4 years

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Fuck it. Today I get to be self-indulgent and tell you about the entire Fjorester Hallmark Christmas Fanfic that is way too long for me to write these days but I have entirely laid down in my head so instead I’m going to write about it as a bulletpoint fic.... sort of... you’ll get the grasp. Just strap along for the ride.

(This is obvious and shamelessly based on Tis The Damn Season by Taylor Swift, you can fight me. I said it was self-indulgent)

Okay, so first of all, the group are all friends and knew each other all through college, right?

Jester studied psychology (she’s an emotional healer, you know?) and especialices in art therapy.

Fjord did a marine biology major with an acting minor, because deep down he’s a theater nerd but doesn’t dare admit it because he needs to want a “real” career, you know? Also, he paid for his studies with a full swimming team scholarship.

I legit don’t know what everyone else studied —this is the kinda stuff I would figure out while actually writing the fic— so you get to fill those blanks!

ANYWAY, basically during college Jester had this art teacher, Artagan, who she became weirdly friendly with (you sometimes become friends with your college teachers, they aren’t even that much older than you and half the time are just as tired)

So this art teacher is delighted by her, right? Keeps telling her how talented an artist she is and how she should definitely come with him to LA after this year is over. He’ll get her into a gallery! She’ll be famous and amazing!

So Jester goes. And her heart aches. And maybe leaving her mama is so damn hard. And maybe, maybe, she doesn’t want to say goodbye to Fjord but she’s been in love with him for so so so long and he never seemed to see her in that way, so she can’t put her life on pause for him. She can’t. Even if the night before she leaves it looks like he’s trying to tell her something, to half confess something that he never quite does say out loud and her heart falls and she leaves.

ANYWAY here is where our story begins.

Jester comes back for christmas after six months away and she is EXCITED to be home!

(maybe a little too much, maybe things aren’t going as great in LA as she expected) (and mayyyybe she’s a little nervous to see a certain someone but it’s ok)

Fjord picks her up at the airport. He knows her mama doesn’t like going out much and he really, really, really insists that it’s no big deal. His car is old and shitty and there was an incident once that made Jester start calling it “The Ball Eater” to Fjord’s endless dismay (and bemusement).

Anyway the ride home is light hearted, they make small talk and laugh about old times and Jester talks so much about how amazing everything in LA is but Fjord can’t shake the feeling that something about her, despite her smile, seems sad.

He also can’t help the desire to hold her hand, or kiss her, or at the very least confess how uselessly in love he’s been with her for years, but she’s only here for like four days because she needs to go back to LA for her big New Years gallery show that Artagan put together and he can’t ask much from her without getting in the way of her dreams, so he doesn’t.

So they get home and Marion is as delightful as ever and Jester finds out that Fjord has been helping her fix some things around the house (oh so you’re a very handy man, Fjord! *wiggles eyebrows*) and he’s been buying her groceries because he knows Jester used to do it because Marion is always so busy performing at the Chateau (and doing other things for her fancier clients, but Fjord would rather not bring that subject up too often) and he just thought it would be important for someone to look after her from time to time.

Jester has to choke back tears because she is so moved that he is so wonderful with her mama even when she’s gone. Her heart flutters and it’s terrifying.

So Fjord leaves and Jester and her mama spend the whole afternoon together, catching up and baking cupcakes and watching christmas movies until Marion has to go to work.

Meanwhile, Fjord is trying to figure out what to do with himself and with Jester —nothing, he decides, he shouldn’t really say anything— and keeps pacing around his apartment to the endless bemusement of his roomate.

Caduceus was MEANT to go home for the holidays, but there was some kind of change of plans with his family at the last minute (or so he says, he hasn’t been very forthcoming about it and Fjord suspects they might have had an argument or something or maybe Cad just decided not to go home, but how is he supposed to know? He never knew the first thing about families) so now Caduceus is here and for the first time in his life Fjord is not spending Christmas alone.

Caduceus suggests honesty is the best course of action, that he should just tell Jester how he feels. Yeah. Right.

Anywayyy

Jester gets together with the rest of her friends “The Nein” they call each other, though they have never been nine, just to mess with people who keep asking and getting weirder and weirder answers. They get some drinks.

While Fjord is away getting drinks, Beau mentions what a shitty year she’s had and Jester’s brow furrows and Beau says it was just a lot of shit, you know? Vandran just up and leaving town, handing in his thesis (though his tutor, Mrs. Melora was delightful and supportive). She doesn’t mention how depressed Fjord was over Jester leaving, though, but she does say that the cherry on top was his fucking ex showing up again.

“Avantika came back?!”

Jester’s chest twists with the painful memory of jealousy and anger and worry over how unhealthy the whole thing was and how sick and sleepless and exhausted and sad Fjord seemed though the entire relationship before he finally gathered the courage to break things up.

Veth knows that, so she brushes it off with a quick “it’s fine, he told her to go fuck herself” and Jester feels maybe a little better —even though she totally has no right because she and Fjord aren’t a thing and he can do whatever he wants ok? she totally doesn’t care, totally.

Still, maybe, on the way back home she asks if he’s okay and she’s so worried and hesitant and Fjord just melts and assures her he’s alright, that he already knew when Avantika came back that she was not what he wanted, that he deserved more... that he wanted more... and he’s so earnest and breathless that Jester thinks he might really be in love with someone else, then... it doesn’t occur to her that all he can think about is kissing her in that moment, parked outside her mama’s house.

The porch’s front light turns on, the moment passes, they say goodbye.

Fjord comes over on the 24th to hang out. Apparently, Caduceus is a little bit more homesick than he is willing to admit and decided to unload all of his Cain Instincts on Fjord. Jester is delighted by the idea of Cad secretly being a prankster, but she lets Fjord hide out with her and her mama as they decorate the house (Marion didn’t have time to before between shifts) and make cookies and watch movies.

And it’s so easy, so sweet and comfortable, that Jester can’t help but feel like this is what life is meant to be, she can’t help but fantasize about what things could have been like...

Fjord finally asks what’s wrong. She tries to dodge the question first, assuring him she’s alright, but Fjord has known Jester long enough to figure out that something is weighing on her and he insists that she can tell him anything.

Jester finally breaks and admits LA isn’t everything she dreamed. It’s pretty great, sure, and she got a job as an art therapist in a nearby clinic and the gallery is going to be great and fun but she feels so lonely, she’s tried to make new friends but everyone is too busy or stuck on their own road to success to really get to know them, she misses the Nein, she misses her mama, she misses her home and Fjord. Besides, Artagan has been so busy with planing the gallery (and all of the other cool artists he has been collecting to showcase there and she didn’t know about before) and he’s just not as focused on being her artistic mentor has before. It’s just a lot.

And Fjord listens and nods and assures her that she’s brilliant and amazing and she will be alright, but she can always come back home if she wants (god, he wishes she would return).

instead, Jester says he should come to LA because they used to talk about this, about both going there and trying their luck as artists. “You are such an amazing actor, Fjord!” She insists but Fjord is too anxious. Dreams don’t pay the bills. He can’t just drop everything just to follow a dream... just to follow her.

It gets quiet after that.

On the way out, Marion overhears that Fjord is planing to spend christmas alone with Cad on their apartment and insists they should come over for diner instead.

Jester is delighted! It’s usually just her and her mama (who usually has to leave early because she works christmas night at the hotel) but now Cad and Fjord can come too! And the others should too! Beau and Yasha are here alone too and Veth can bring Yeza and Luke and Caleb will definitely want to spend it here instead of the library right?

So the Nein end up all invited to Jester’s christmas party.

Which, of course, means they HAVE to do a secret santa.

Jester gets Caleb, so she enlists Veth and Beau to go shopping for his gift to make it extra especial.

While they are out doing chores, Caleb texts Jester and asks if he could talk to her later that afternoon. She wonders out loud why that would be and Veth blurts out: “he’s probably finally gonna tell you he’s in love with you”

And Jester would brush it off with a flirty joke if it wasn’t by the way Beau slaps the back of Veth’s head and tells her “you said you wouldn’t tell on him!”

So Jester is shocked and confused and thrown off balance because she never even considered Caleb like that. Does Caleb like her? Is he in love with her? Is she supposed to know that? To like him back? Oh no, he’s going to tell her this afternoon isn’t he?

And she has to give him a christmas gift for the secret santa!

Caos and overthinking ensue and finally Jester buys Caleb a big thick book he’d been eyeing for a while but that he’d deemed too expensive to get and a very long scarf with lots of tiny cats and there’s nothing romantic about it but she’s still worried about it.

So, either way, Caleb and Jester meet up for a late coffee (Caleb is basically immune to caffeine at this point so it’s fine and Jester only drinks hot coco so it’s alright).

And Jester jumps the gun, she goes on and on and on about how she had no idea and she’s so sorry and she’s not sure about how to feel with this but she doesn’t want to hurt Caleb because he’s such a good friend and she really does care about him a lot but-

Caleb cuts her off with a laugh. He already knew she’s not in love with him, which is why he never brought the subject up. He’s fine, he’s moved on.

Oh?

Actually, he wanted to talk with her because he is seeing someone else (ESSEK) and he wanted to know if it would be alright to bring him over for christmas tomorrow. He thinks he’s ready to introduce them to his friends and a party seems like a good idea.

Jester is delighted again and assures him he totally can come and not to worry about the extra space or work or food because Caduceus and Fjord promised to come help her prepare everything for the party.

She grabs his hands and assures him with a bright smile that she’s incredibly happy for him and hopes this is the good kinda love that makes him feel warm and fuzzy and smile. And Caleb blushes and nods and mumbles that maybe it is.

CUT TO: Fjord is totally accidentally watching this from outside the coffeeshop because he was out buying gifts too (for his secret friend, Beau, a dope set of weights... and for Jester, a tiny unicorn that he just saw and had to get for her because he knew it would make her so happy).

Either way, as you can imagine, what Fjord sees is easily misunderstood.

Cue: heartbreak.

Which gets us to christmas morning filled with excitement and presents and hugs.

Fjord and Caduceus come over to help the Lavorre women cook (Fjord feels a little responsible over turning their little yearly diner into a fully blown party because he mentioned they were spending it alone at home).

And Fjord is sad. He isn’t angry, or rude, or jealous... okay, maybe a little jealous, but mostly he’s just heart-broken and Jester can tell something is off, but Fjord makes an effort to smile and pretend like everything is fine and –wow, whoever he is in love with (that person he said he now new he wanted) might have broken his heart and Jester is so confused and at a lost.

Anyway, it’s Caduceus who finally has enough of the mopping around and pulls Fjord aside to figure out what’s wrong and Fjord just blurts everything out: Jester and the feelings and the almost kiss in his car and the hanging out and the stupid little unicorn he has back at home and now doesn’t dare give her and Jester holding Caleb’s hands and how stupid he feels and how he had no right to feel that way anyway...

Cad lets him ramble and in the end just sighs and puts a hand on his shoulder and says: you should give her the gift. Did you get it so she would love you? Did you get it to get something in return?

No, Fjord says, he just wanted to make her happy.

Well, it will still make her happy, right? Isn’t that what you want?

And Fjord nods despite the hurt and Cad thinks he is so clever because of course he knows that Jester is in love with Fjord and that Caleb has moved on but he figures his roommate needs to figure it out himself this time.

And so, the party comes.

They do the secret santa early, because everyone is too chaotic and excited to wait to figure out what gifts they will get and they all want their friends to see the awesome gifts they got them already.

Fjord nearly bites through his cheek while he sees Jester give Caleb her secret santa gift.

Yasha gives Jester a beautiful dress, dark but artistic, that everyone insists she must try on and model for them at once because the world really hates Fjord and wants to make him blush and squirm as much as possible over the girl of his dreams.

Caduceus gets Fjord an amazing movie collection with all the western classics he loves and it’s probably one of the nicest gifts he’s ever gotten.

The tiny unicorn weights like a fucking ton inside Fjord’s pocket through most of the night. He convinces himself that he can’t give it to Jester, it would be overstepping. If she loves someone else, he needs to respect that.

And then Essek shows up, and Fjord understands many things at once, and he’s so stupid he wants to laugh and hit himself at the same time.

And yeah, just because Jester isn’t in love with someone else it doesn’t mean that she will like him now... of course not... but he feels a little bit less like a terrible friend and person for wanting her to.

He pulls her out to the porch with some dumb excuse and after a lot of awkward small talk he finally brings out the tiny unicorn.

Jester is delighted. What? Why? When? And Fjord just tells her the truth, that he saw it and thought of her and how happy it would make her and he had to...

So Jester kisses his cheek and he blushes furiously and just as the moment is about to die down Veth shouts from inside that someone hid a lot of mistletoe around the house and that she is not kissing any of her friends thank you very much.

So the two of them look up just in time to see GUESS WHAT hanging over their heads. Because of course.

Blushing. Awkwardness. I mean, we don’t have to if you don’t- I mean if you- I mean I do- Do you? Yeah. Wait. Really? I mean, do you want to? Y-yes!

They kiss.

And it’s quick and shy and not really a big romantic kiss, barely a peck between two friends terrified of fucking everything up.

The night goes on and neither of them can stop thinking about it... but other than that, it’s just a fun party.

Fjord doesn’t sleep much, he’s up early and pacing around the house until he decides he needs to try that again. Just once more. One more kiss. And maybe then... and, yes, she will leave, but maybe one more kiss wouldn’t be so terrible before that?

So Fjord runs. He runs over to her home, heart in his throat.

He knocks on the door, rushed and breathless... and finds Marion looking sad.

Jester got a call that very morning saying Artagan needed her ASAP back in LA because the gallery is apparently a mess and he needs her help to organize the big night.

Fjord does his best to cheer Marion up but he also knows, he knows, how upset Jester must have been to lose the last few days home.

Meanwhile, Jester is doing her best to help Artagan (after finding out her mentor might be an amazingly talented artist but a terrible event organizer) and basically runs herself thin, going crazy and barely sleeping for a couple days.

Two days before the big exhibit everything is still a mess and it’s too much for her to handle alone... and then the Nein arrive.

What are you doing here? What is going on? How are you here?

And they just shrug and smile and say they missed her and ‘hey, do you need a little help with that?’ and before she knows it everyone is helping her up and putting together everything that’d been falling apart.

Beau basically intimidates the catering service into actually delivering on time by reviewing their contract and finding how much money they could lose if they don’t. Yasha, turns out, has a fantastic eye for art and helps pick where and how each piece should be hanged. Veth goes nuts with the decoration, making it way fancier than anyone expected this little art show to be —she demands black tie for everyone who is coming, too. Caleb and Essek result amazing with lights and music and manage got connect the whole audio system by some sort of magical miracle because it hasn’t worked properly since the 8s. Caduceus and Fjord offer to serve drinks when the barman calls in sick.

In the end, after a few hectic days, it all works out.

Jester finds out from Beau that Fjord basically knocked on their doors as soon as he found out she had to come back and talked everyone into coming and drove all the way here in his cheap shitty Ball Eater car (it broke down halfway through and Fjord and Caleb had to fix it themselves which is also why it took them two whole days to get to LA).

The night of the gallery everything is perfect and beautiful and Jester could cry because she has the best friends in the world —but, really, she could cry because she’s missed them so much and having them here with her has made LA seem like a true city of stars again.

And so, she takes a moment in between smiling and shaking hands and posing for pictures with Artagan (who is sort of taking all the credit for their work but it’s alright because he’s already hooked her and two others up with a bunch of interested agents and it seems like he really just wants to help this small artists have their big break) and Jester steps outside to take some air.

Fjord follows.

And she starts to thank him, earnestly, for all his help and support and she has no idea how she could’ve done any of this without them —without him. She can’t believe he followed her all the way here (as if Fjord has done anything else since the day they met on their college’s induction day... he always follows her)

Fjord, a little coyly, says that he could pay her back by lending him a couch while he looks for a place... and that’s how Jester finds out Fjord’s moving to the city to try and pursue acting.

“Job hunting wasn’t going too well either, so I figured I might as well give my dreams a chance... I would also really like to be closer to you,” he admits, in a moment of boldness.

And Jester understands. Finally. She sees what she was too afraid of admitting to herself out of fear of heartbreak and disappointment.

“I can lend you a couch,” she smiles, playfully, “but it will cost you... a movie, maybe diner later”

And his eyes sparkle as he steps closer and says, “I think I can manage that” and he asks if he can kiss her, following a hunch, and she nods.

Just as everyone shouts HAPPY NEW YEAR inside the building.

THE END

ok that’s all, i cannot bring myself to actually write this multichapter, but I hope anyone who is still here after ALL THAT enjoyed the ride.

Happy holidays!!

#fjorester #fjord stone #jester lavorre #critical role #critter fic #fanfic #sofia's nonsense

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humanransome-note · 3 years

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okay so, angst. dont know why the first kind of, if not one of the first kind’s of fic I write when I write for something new always ends up being angst, like legit this made me cry.

i read a fic with a similar premise this morning and the thought wouldnt leave my head, so in one sitting, on my phone, i wrote this. (I thought I saved the fic, but I did not, so if anyone knows which one im talking about hit me up)

but since i hate unresolved angst, i gave this a not sad ending, AND I gave whiskey a therapist, like he needs.

anyway

Agent Whiskey/Jack Daniels x GN!Reader (I wrote it out and read it over twice and it sounded pretty gender-neutral to me, but if im wrong point it out.)

rated T, swearing, mentions of sex but no real scenes of it, references to the Valentine incident from the first move, but no details given

uhh 4220 words

and im tagging @scribbledghost cause shes the first person to come to mind with agent Whiskey and I have no idea what the people who follow me follow me for, but it’s probably not this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course it was too good to be true.

You knew it that first night he asked you to dinner. You knew it every time he took you to bed. You knew it when he asked you to move in.

He was tall, he was handsome, he had a thick Kentucky twang that made you weak in the knees, and, he’d been so kind, and sweet, and he made you feel wanted.

You had never realized how little space you actually took up until you started packing. How your clothes took up less than a quarter of the walk-in closet, how few decorations were just yours.

They’ll pull the “we were right” card when you show up back home with a duffle and barely three boxes of your things.

God, he probably laughs about how easy you were, another notch in his bedpost, a guaranteed fuck if he couldn’t get into someone’s bed.

How many times were “late flights” really him sneaking back in. How many times did he come home and immediately head for you because someone else turned him down.

You can’t hold back the choked off sob that comes out of you as the heavy blanket you’d made for Christmas falls from the upper shelf as you tear down the last of your clothes.

You can’t touch it, you can barely look at it, he’ll have to deal with it when he finds it. Will he even notice you’re gone before that?

As you toss your last set of shirts into your bag you hear the jangle of keys. You’d hoped to be at least thirty minutes gone by the time he came home, but you’d hoped for a lot of things.

“Darlin’ you home?”

Your throat tightens around your reflexive reply.

You hear his keys as they fall into the bowl by the door, the soft pad of his bare feet, the opening of the fridge.

Has he noticed that you haven’t said anything? Does he even care?

“Honeybee?”

Your stomach lurches and suddenly you’re running to the bathroom to dry heave.

He takes the stairs two at a time, and you gag on nothing as he makes it to the bedroom.

He steps closer and you can feel his hand as it gets closer to your back, “Sugar-“

“Don’t you fucking touch me.”

The venom in your voice shocks even you, good, he needs to know there’s rage fueling these tears.

Your stomach finally settles and you look up to the piece of shit that strung you along for nearly two and a half years.

“Baby-“

“Don’t,” you clench your teeth to hold back the pathetic noise that’s desperate to follow.

The confused furrow in his brow makes the anger in your chest flare.

You slap him.

The crack is nowhere near as satisfying as you hoped it would be, and the shock and confusion that takes over his face is barely a consolation.

He holds a hand to his cheek, “What’s wrong? Please talk to me.”

The sarcastic huff of laughter just seems to make him more worried.

You push yourself up onto shaky legs, trying to maintain what few scraps of dignity you have left.

“I think I would have been fine if you’d asked.”

He slowly rises from his crouched position, the confusion only deepening his brow.

You look into his eyes, and you remember all the times he’d looked at you, were those sparks of apparent adoration just you projecting, or was he just that good of an actor?

Pushing past him, you can see his arms head for you before stopping and hovering in mid air, good he’s realizing you’re mad at him.

You head to your duffle as he stands in the doorway from the bathroom.

The zipper fills the air with a sound of finality.

“Baby, what did I do?”

Fuck, your first instinct is to comfort him, you’re pathetic.

“Here’s a better question, who did you do?”

You turn towards him and see the shock on his face. Maybe he thought you’d let it slide? Did he think you were that desperate?

“I don’t know-“

“You’ve lied to me for the past two and half years Jack, please just be honest for once.”

He opens and closes his mouth like a fish, and all the rage that’s been fueling you seems to suddenly explode, truly boiling over.

“You weren’t picking up, you said it’d be a few hours, max,” his mouth clicks shut, it seems he’s figured it out.

“Expect my surprise when I make it to the Statesman building and Lawrence at the front desk asked me what took me so long.”

He seems to try and shrink into himself, make himself smaller.

“Now I’m confused, but he lets me in, and I head to your office floor, and as the elevator door opens I hear moaning.”

“First I figure, ‘maybe he’s watching porn’ I know I still do from time to time, but then there’s a slam and a crash that is way too loud to be porn.”

He opens his mouth to say something but you keep talking.

“But STILL I gave you the benefit of the doubt, ‘maybe some interns are getting frisky’”

Your jaw clenches as you remember cracking the door open, and seeing Jack Daniels, the man you were so certain was the love of your life, rutting away inside a woman on his desk.

A woman who wasn’t you.

You were frozen, and there was a brief second where you swear you made eye contact with the woman who had the misfortune of being there as your world fell apart.

Then you left.

Your voice cracks into a sad humorless laugh, “God I’m pathetic,” you grab the strap of your duffle and the stack of boxes.

“It was right in front of me, and still, it took making eye contact with the lucky lady to make it hit home.”

“Sugar, it was a mistake.”

You close your eyes and take a breath.

“Yes, this was.”

He has the wherewithal to not follow you, to not beg for you to stop as he pulls excuses from his ass.

But still, before you leave, there’s something you need to know.

“Was any of this real?”

He’s standing in the kitchen, beer on the island as he leans against it.

He says nothing, and that’s all the answer you need.

You remove the house key from your keychain, and place it on the bar.

“You could have just said so, said this whole thing wasn’t working for you, I wouldn’t have been mad.”

The key blurs as tears flood your eyes, “Goodbye Jack,” you swallow and wipe at your eyes, “at least now you can bring your conquest home, give them the decency of an actual bed.”

With that final barb, you turn around and walk out.

———

Your phone won’t stop ringing. It hasn’t stopped since this morning, and no matter how many times you block the number he just keeps calling.

The ring cycle ends and about a minute later your phone pings with a new voicemail.

Then silence.

The silence is almost twice as unbearable.

You should delete it, not even listen to it, let the man suffer as you don’t pick up.

You continue down the highway for another hour. Trying to ignore the phone as it sits silently in the cup holder. But your resolve finally cracks when you nearly rear-end someone in the exit lane.

You turn off at the exit, you need a break, for both yours and other’s safety.

There’s a gas station that you pull into, park in the far corner, and turn off the engine.

The phone mocks you.

“I need to get this over with.”

Picking up the phone you look at the notifications.

The amount of missed calls has hit the double digits and the missed text have hit triple.

You sigh and unlock your phone. You met with a close up of you and Jack squished together, smiling faces filling up the screen.

Your chest seizes and a small burn comes to the back of your eyes, but no tears fall, good, that’s good.

You open your phone app and are met with a wall of missed calls, all from slightly different numbers. He must have found a way to route the calls out through the other phones in his office.

You shake your head and open your voicemail.

1:10.

One minute ten seconds. One minute and ten seconds is how much more time you’ll give this man, nothing more.

You hit play.

“Hi, um-“

You pause it.

It’s a woman’s voice and for a vicious heart wrenching second, you think it’s her calling you.

You swallow the sick feeling and hit play again.

“You probably don’t know me, but everyone calls me Ginger, I work IT at the Statesman building.”

She’s probably how Jack rerouted his number, hopefully she’s calling to apologize.

“I don’t know what happened between you and Whis- Mr. Daniels,” his name comes out with a hint of disdain, “but he’s been a mess all day and it’s started to get on Champ’s, our boss’s, nerves,”

You roll your eyes, why is he still trying?

“Anyway, can you call him? Or if not him, me? Just hit redial and it’ll route to my line, we just want to know what happened so we can figure out what to do.”

You sigh again, head hitting the steering wheel as she finishes off the message with a slightly awkward goodbye.

The only reason you’re calling back is because other people are suffering due to Jack’s actions.

The phone rings twice before the same voice picks up.

“Hello?”

You sigh again, “Is this Ginger?”

She confirms that she is and you tell her who you are.

“Oh,”

That single sound brings a burning up the back of your throat. Does she know who you are, did she know what he was doing? God, that stupid fucking cowboy made you blind.

There’s an uncomfortable silence, you have to break it.

“I left,” and that seems to break a dam.

“I packed my stuff and left, should have done that two years ago, should have never moved in with that piece of shit-!” Your voice wavers and cracks.

You slam your hand against the wheel.

“I would have been fine if he just wanted to get his dick wet, if he said upfront that he was interested in someone else, or that he just wasn’t interested in me.”

You pant, and she starts to say something, but you aren’t done.

“I moved for him, did you know that? I mean, sure, I’d wanted to leave home for ages but he was that last push.”

You press your hand to your forehead.

“Two and half years, Ginger.” You don’t know when the tears started falling but now they won’t stop.

“I gave that man two and half years of my life, and none of it meant a damn thing to him!”

You hit your steering wheel again, making a short honk emit from you car.

She doesn’t say anything, and you wait until your breathing is even again before talking. “I’m sorry, I’ve been alone since yesterday, haven’t had anyone to talk to.”

“It’s okay.” She sounds genuine, but you’ve been a terrible judge before, for the past two years in fact.

“Do you want me to mess up his tech? I can make his computer crash all day.”

That makes you smile.

“I won’t ask, but I won’t stop you either.”

She lets out a small chuckle.

There’s another bout of silence, much less awkward than the first two.

“Thanks for listening, I know it’s probably not what you were expecting.”

“It’s alright, it sounded like you needed it.”

You lean back in your seat, “Yeah,” you look blankly at the dome light in the middle of the ceiling. “That tell you what you needed to know?”

“Yes, it did.”

You hum.

“I hope you find someone better.”

You let out another sigh, it’s becoming too common an action.

“Me too, Ginge, me too.”

The line goes dead, and you’re suddenly very, very tired.

You think you saw a motel earlier, you’ll see if they have any vacancies.

———

His phone stopped making calls over an hour ago, it’s taking them just fine, but he can’t call out.

There’s a knock on his door, and it opens without him saying anything.

“Ginger. D’ya block off my phone or somethin’?” He knows she probably did, but he’s not a child and he won’t take being treated like one.

She doesn’t respond, she just strides across the room, stops in front of his desk, looks at him like he’s a piece of gum on her heel, and slaps him.

“The fuck was that for!?”

“How you’ve made it this far in life is astounding.” Her voice is cold.

“What-“

She slams a file onto his desk, and out slides a photo.

A photo of you.

“Where’d you-?”

“Yes I blocked off your phone, you were routing out calls through the whole building, other people work here too you know.”

He swallows.

“Two and a half years Jack,”

He flinches, but then he realizes, “you talked to ‘em?”

“I had to know who you were calling and why, for security reasons if nothing else.”

She flips open the file, revealing a few more pictures of you. Along with stills from the security cameras, showing both, you at the front desk with a take out bag, and him kissing an intern in the corner of a hallway.

“None of us knew, none of us could even fathom you in a steady relationship, with all the skirts you chased.”

He has the decency to look ashamed.

“Lawrence at the front desk thought they were a semi-regular booty call, he stopped letting them up so often because he didn’t want them getting attached.”

He remembers coming home, and you asking him how meetings went, even if he didn’t tell you about one, or if they were unplanned.

He’d always figured he had some kind of tell.

“They told me none of it mattered to you-“

“That ain’t true!”

“Well it’s certainly easy to believe.” She looks pointedly at the photos.

He can’t.

“Did you at least respect them enough to let them have you to themself for a while before you went around sticking your dick in any available hole? Or did you go and celebrate them moving in with someone else?”

He looks out of the window.

“Fucking Christ Jack, I knew you were a douchebag but that’s low, even for you.”

He bites his lip and thinks, not for an excuse, but an explanation at least.

Ginger knows what she’s going to say next will be a truly low blow, but with everything that she’s learned in the past half hour she wants him to hurt.

“Did you cheat on your wife too, or is being a piece of shit a recent development?”

His head snaps to her, he stands and slams his fists onto the table.

“Don’t you bring her into this!”

Ginger holds her ground.

His sudden flare of rage dies as quickly as it came, “No, I didn’t.”

“So you do know how to keep it in your pants,”

“It was a mistake.”

“No Jack, a mistake is buying the wrong kind of juice at the grocery store, a mistake is accidentally throwing out important papers, a mistake is misspelling someone’s name. You made choices and now you're experiencing the consequences of your actions.”

He falls back into his chair.

“I have to tell Champ what happened, it cut into your productivity and was a possible security risk.”

Jack doesn’t respond, and Ginger leaves.

———

It’s been exactly three years, four months, two weeks and four days since you left Jack Daniels, and you hate that you know that.

Your mother was the only one who didn’t say “I told you so” when you showed up on her doorstep, eyes puffy and nose runny.

She’d just apologized for you’re inheriting her terrible taste in men.

You gave yourself two weeks to wallow in your childhood bedroom before you started job hunting.

You still technically had your old job, data entry and management can be done anywhere with an internet connection, but you needed to be nearby for things like presentations and troubleshooting.

They cut your hours to part time, and you put in your resignation when you got a steady job.

Now it’s just back and forth between work and home, and occasionally the grocery store.

It’s a Friday, you don’t have work tomorrow, and you’ve been feeling shitty, well shittier, lately. You plan on trying to find the solution to your problems at the bottom of a bottle and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

But it seems the universe won’t let you rest yet, because in your driveway is a very familiar truck, and leaning against the side is a very familiar frame, topped off with a very familiar Stetson.

You breathe in and steel yourself, he might have come here without warning, but he will not catch you wrong footed.

You pull up onto the sidewalk so he can leave as soon as you’re done with him.

The force you put behind slamming the door is a little concerning, and the already shoddy window drops half an inch when it slams.

Your shoulders drop, you’re tired, but you need to tear off this band-aid.

“What do you want Jack?”

“Can we talk?”

He sounds scared, and you hate the urge to comfort him that never truly left.

“It’s been three years, what do you want to talk about?”

He puts a hand over his mouth and drags it down, you see a few new small nicks on his hands, and as you look at his face you see a circular scar at his temple.

“I, I’ve been seein’ someone,”

“And you wanted to what? Rub it in? Tell me everything they have that I don’t?”

He shakes his head, “I meant I’m seein’ a therapist.”

“Congratulations, working on your commitment issues?” You mean it to be an insult, but he actually nods.

“Yeah, actually, which is kinda why I’m here.”

It’s good to know that he’s got some good surprises for you for once.

“First, I’m sorry,” he crosses his arms, which means he wants to fidget, “I was a complete ass, an’ a piece a’ shit, and I understand if you don’t care for what I have to say, but I need to get it off my chest and I need ya to know.”

You put your hand on your hip and wait.

“I love you.”

Your eyes widen and your arm is already swinging before you really know what’s going on.

He catches your fist before it hits, “Please let me finish, then you can beat the shit outta me.”

You jerk your hand back, “You have two guarantied minutes.”

“Thank you.”

He sighs, shifts his weight, and seems to be thinking of what to say.

“Clock’s ticking.”

“I told ya what happened to my wife, yeah?”

You nod.

“Well, I never really got a handle on it,” his hand circles in the air.

“I started drinkin’, fightin’, uhh, fuckin’.” He glances away at the last word.

“Anything to make me feel somethin’ besides the the gappin’ hole in my chest and the guilt in my gut.”

He takes off his hat for a second and runs a hand through his hair, he’s got a few more prominent grays.

“I got a job offer at Statesman, got a handle on the drinkin’, and found a better outlet for the fightin’,”

“But you kept fucking.”

He nods, “Yeah, an’ that’s how I worked for a while, one night stands, and short term flings,” you snort at the ‘short term’.

“Then I met you.”

You rhythmically clench your fist, you can’t punch him yet.

“You were smart, an’ funny, and ya’ made the hole in my chest not hurt as much, and I was scared. And selfish.”

“Selfish I understand,” he flinches a bit, “but scared?”

“My therapist said it was probably a mix of survivor’s guilt an’ fear of losing someone I care about again.”

Your eyes narrow.

“I still blamed myself for her death, and I felt like I didn’ deserve anythin’ good, but I also didn’t wanna hurt anymore.”

“You made me happier than I had been in years, and that scared the shit outta me darlin’,” he cuts himself off for a second, thinking he probably shouldn’t use pet names right now, “so I tried to make myself not care.”

He scuffs his boot against your driveway.

“But like I said, I was selfish, an’ I didn’t want to let you go.”

“You wanted your cake and to eat it too.”

He nods, “Yeah,” his hands fidget, “sometimes I’d hope that you’d catch me, make the decision for me, cause Lord knows I couldn’t bring myself to end things.”

“Then you did an’ I spiraled.” He lets out a sad sounding huff of air.

“Ginger gave me the riot act, slapped me an’ everythin’.“

You let out a small huff of laughter, you can’t help it.

A small smile shows up on his own face and you school your features, you can’t let him think he has a foothold.

“I threw myself into work, wasn’t takin’ care a’ myself, no sleepin’ barely eatin’,” he shrugs. “Almost died when that thing with the phone cards or whatever they were happened.”

You swallow as you remember that, there was a short shriek over the speaker a phone was connected to, and then...

You were lucky you were so close to your gran’s paper trimmer, everyone else at the reunion, not so much.

You shake your head to clear it.

“Tried takin’ care of myself, slept more but not enough, ate more but nothin good,” he pats the soft swell of his belly.

“Then this shit with Poppy happened,” he waves to the side of his head with the scar. What does that have to do with this?

“I, uh, I pushed all my anger onto the concept of drug users an’ actually tried to do what I could to stop the cure for the poison gettin’ out.”

“I didn’t obviously,” he sounds a tad frantic, “and then I realized how long it had been, and how much I still wanted you in my life, and, and now I’m here.” He finishes lamely with a shrug and wave of his hands.

What he’s not saying is that when he came to and Ginger showed him a picture of his late wife, nothing happened.

He was confused, and she was cute, but she was saying all this stuff about a woman he didn’t recognize and in a fit of desperation, she slapped him.

His head flashed with images of you, eyes red, curled up next to the toilet dry heaving.

“Don’t you fucking touch me.”

It rang through his head and he fell to the floor. It was like the first time they revived him all over again, but worse because it really was his fault, no haze of survivor’s guilt coming up with what if’s, and I should’ve’s.

It was all him, all his fault.

You don’t respond immediately, thinking over everything he’s said, and the fact that you still miss him, and how even against your better judgement you want him back in your life.

You rub your eyes.

“We can’t just pick up from the good times, you know that right?”

He nods, “I wasn’t expectin’ that to happen.”

You look at him, taking in his shifting weight, his fidgeting hands, the tension in his shoulders and fear in his eyes.

You sigh.

“You are on thin fucking ice Jack Daniels.”

He tilts his head.

“Probation,” you start fishing for your keys, “against my better judgement and the advice I’d usually give to someone else in this situation, I’m giving you a chance.”

He perks up.

“But if even one hair,” you point at him, “gets out of line that’s it, d’ya understand?”

His face breaks out into a grin, “Sure do sugar.”

“Alright,” you nod as you get your keys, “you got an overnight bag or somethin’?”

“What for?”

“I’ve got a spare room, unless you wanna stay at a motel six or a la Quinta inn.”

“You want me to stay here?” He sounds genuinely shocked and confused.

“Do you not want to?”

“Just seems fast, is all.”

“You did hear me when I said ‘spare room’ right?”

He nods, “Just wanna make sure.”

“Grab your stuff then, I got two pints of Ben and Jerry’s in the trunk.”

You go to grab your stuff, and you’re done before he is, so you get a good look at him bent at the waist digging for something.

“So none of it went to your ass huh?”

He looks over his shoulder and wiggles his hips.

“Thought you liked my butt, used to say-“

“Tiny but mighty.”

He chuckles as he gets out from the backseat.

“There something you wanna watch? Eat?” He shakes his head as he follows you to your front door.

“Nah darlin’ I already got everythin’ I need.”

#kingsman the golden circle #agent whiskey x reader #reader insert #kingsman #kingsmen golden circle #kingsmen #can you guess where I got the 'tiny but mighty' bit?#nicky writes

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dinogoofy · 4 years

Note

I'm back darling~ this time I'd love sth for Cassie & her female bestie 😁 bc the xmas is near so Imma give u these prompts: 'I’m a grown adult. I don’t want to take a picture with Santa Claus', 'Hey, want to help me get my parents off my ass about not having a date?'. Have a good day!

Had a ton of fun with this one, hope you enjoy!!!

Cassie Cage x F! Reader

Meeting the parents- I mean, meeting Santa.

----

It was a cold, quiet morning in your apartment. You were enjoying a warm cup of coffee in the early hours, a cheezy hallmark move playing on your TV as you try to work yourself into the holiday spirit. It had been a long year. Your phone dings once, but you ignore it, too focused on who was going to marry Santa. When it kept going off you finally checked it with a sigh.

Cassie-lassy

Hey

Hey, can I ask a favor?

Stop watching Christmas movies and answer me

Cassie was your best friend, but you weren't sure if you liked where this was going.

How did you even know that?

Anyway, whats up?

My parents are throwing a Christmas party this week and are hounding my ass about a date.

And?

Do u think u could pretend to be my gf, just for a day? Just to get them to leave me alone.

You almost choked on your coffee when you read the text. Damn, hallmark movie coming true? Your heart fluttered a bit. Cassie was your best friend. You didn't have feelings for her! That was ridiculous. All she needed was a... friend-to-friend favor. Plus, her dad was super rich, they were totally going to have good food.

Sure, when?

Uh, today good?

The lack of planning was exactly what you should've expected from Cassie. You laughed and drug your hands across your face, she was so lucky that you had the day off.

Bleh, ok. Ur dad better have some good food.

U bet ur ass! Pick u up at 6.

You laughed, and slowly picked yourself off the couch. You hoped that you still had an ugly sweater somewhere in your closet.

The time flew by unfortunately fast. You were rushing to gather your things as Cassie at outside in her 1965 red stingray corvette, (with a mako body) you loved that car so much. You couldn't help but geek out everytime you see it, but alas, there was definitely no time for that today. You frantically locked your apartment as you ran down the steps.

"Sorry I'm late!" Cassie laughed as you got in the car, and that awful flutter feeling returned. Oh no. This is not happening.

"Its chill, I doubt Dad will care if we're late to his party anyway." Your eye twitched, smile still wide on your face. You liked to be on time no matter where you were going, and by the look she was giving you you knew that Cassie said that just to annoy you. You rolled your eyes at her as she took off, the rumble of the car's engine instantly calming you.

Damn. You had never seen a house that big. As Cassie rolled through the big gates you continued to gawk at the beautiful architecture.

"I knew your dad was rich but, seeing how rich he is... is..."

"I know right? He moves into a new house almost every 6 months almost. Each one is bigger then the last one." You felt light headed just imagining how it must feel to have so much money. By the time Cassie parked and the two of you walked to the big doors, you could hear people loud and clear inside the house. This was way different then the tiny little Christmas reunions you were used too.

"I might throw an arm around you and call you nicknames a bit to make it seem legit, are you ok with that? I'm already asking a lot by getting you to come with me in the first place, the last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable." You laughed.

"Cassie it's fine, all that comes with the 'pretend girlfriend' package." She sighs in relief, knocking on the door.

"Just making sure."

The door opens after a few moments, Cassie's mother answering the door, delighted at the sight.

"Cassie you made it just in time! Your dad just got his Ninja Santa costume out of storage. You should- oh, who is this?" You shyly waved, face flushing more from the situation than the cold. You were glad you were already blushing when Cassie links her fingers through your own.

"Mom, this is my girlfriend." Her mom's face lights up, but you would be lying if you said her obvious military posture and build didn't intimidate you. You introduced yourself and shook her hand with your free hand, making sure to shake with a firm grip.

"Its great to meet you. I was wondering when Cassie was going to bring someone home." Cassie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as you awkwardly laughed. Her mom, Sonya, invited the two of you in. Your jaw almost dropped at the inside of the house.

The house was incredibly decorated. Wreaths, lights, an army of elves on the shelves, everything you could think of that spoke Christmas. A giant buffet on the right side of the room and a giant tree in the center of it all.

"Holy shit Cas," you wispered, she giggled squeezing your hand.

"I know right. They overdo it every year."

The rest party was amazing. You met many of Cassie's friends and family friends from the special forces. Kids were livey and running around the place. Even though the mansion and beautiful and intimidating, everything seemed to speak family to you. Every once in a while you would catch Cassie staring at you, but she would always wave you off, face flushing. It couldn't be an actual blush though, this was all an act, right?

"Ho ho ho, Ninja Butt-kicker Santa Claus has arrived!" A voice boomed from the center of the room. Adults laughed while children screamed with delight, booking it towards the gaint tree. Cassie sighed in embarrassment.

"I was beginning to wonder when dad would show up." You tried hard not to laugh when you dragged her to the middle of the room, catching a glimpse of her dad's "holiday spirit".

Kids hopped on his lap one by one, telling him what they want for Christmas, and (probably thanks to their parents,) each one was giving the wanted present and a fake ninja-star. You had thought every child was given a present and taken a picture, so surely he was going to "retire" for the night, right?

"Ho ho ho, Santa thinks that one, special little girl has yet to take a picture." He looked straight at Cassie and winked. She immediately recoiled.

"No. No no no. I'm a grown adult, I don't want to take a picture with Santa Claus." Everyone chuckled around the two of you. And Sonya walked over to push her into the center of the room with her dad, camera firm in her hands. Cassie sent an embarrassed look your way as she was forced to sit on Santa's lap.

"And what would you like for Christmas Cassie Cage?" Cassie looked like she wanted to melt away form her spot. Only answering because she had to.

"I don't want anything Da- Santa." Her Dad let out another Jolly, fake laugh.

"Sure you do! Santa knows everything, you know!" He hands her a small box, and winks at her.

"You know what Santa wants for Christmas? Grandkids." The crowd laughed, and your face immediately flushed a dark red, Cassie almost looking the same way. She covered her face as she hopped off her Dad's lap and speedwalked back to you without even opening the box.

The rest of the party went by so fast, and before you knew it, the two of you were walking back to her car in the cold.

"This was a ton of fun cas," She laughed, you wondered if she knew that you were still holding hands.

"Yeah, I'm glad you came with me. Sorry if my parents were a little overbearing." You shrugged, letting her know that it was fine. The silence after was unbearable. You wondered for a moment if you should ask her out. The party was nice, really nice, but it was honestly just because you were 'pretending' to be her girlfriend. You think she might've thought so too. You opened your mouth to speak, but she beat you to it.

"Hey, so, what if we made this whole... 'fake girlfriend' thing, a 'real girlfriend' thing?" You blushed, giving her hand a comforting squeeze.

"I think I'd like that." Her face lit up with a smile, squeezing your hand back. She stuck her hand in her pocket, and looked surprised for a moment, stopping in her tracks to pull out the box from earlier.

"I forgot about this thing."

"Mabye you should open it?" She let go off your hand to gingerly untie the bow, taking the lid off the box and tucking it underneath it. Her face flushed.

"It's mistletoe." Your face flushed in return. So thats what he ment. Cas started to nervously mumble something, closing the lid on the box, but you held a hand over hers before she put it away.

She instantly kissed back when you leaned in to complete the tradition. The gentle moonlight kiss becoming the only Christmas miracle you needed.

You were definitely living in a hallmark movie.

#cassie cage #mk imagine #mkx mortal kombat x #mk11 ultimate #mk x reader #mortal kombat

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casualdadnomad · 4 years

Text

i see no god up here except ME so i'm giving u ☃️️Modern Gaang in the Winter Months ❄️️

modern atla masterpost :)

let's get one thing straight here, the homies don't celebrate Christmas, not for any Jesus reasons

we absolutely don't be imposing christianity on characters that have no reason to be christian

now that we got that out of the way let's get into it

Toph has to wear shoes in the snow and she will riot about it every single day

She absolutely never stops complaining about how she cannot see a single thing and honestly she's allowed to complain, i get it

Sokka and Zuko have to get their sweatshirts back from her though which is not easy

Zuko: please i cannot handle the cold // Toph: then firebend or something i don't care

Suki: why are you wearing short sleeve shirts in December // Sokka: ask the fuckin gremlin that stole all my sweaters

Sokka draws up the winter themed menu on the big chalkboard for the Jasmine Dragon

because he has both a) god tier handwriting and b) the art skills to draw cute wintery shit like snowmen and shit

unfortunately there are no penguins in midwestern united states so penguin sledding is not a viable option

There is also no hills (when i moved to the midwest after living on the east coast i was kind of like wait what the fuck like its legit disorienting)

So naturally the only option is to have Toph earthbend a giant hill and Katara snd Aang waterbend all the snow onto it so they can sled

Aang knits because of course he does so there is no shortage of scarves or nice hats

Aang made Appa a very big hat

Katara: how did you find the time to do that // Aang: you can knit real fast in the avatar state

football season ended and prep for winterguard season started up for the Kyoshi color guard, so they're very busy

so Suki and Ty Lee are preparing for competitions so they're constantly either coming from or going to practice therefore carrying flags around 24/7

theater boy Zuko is bored now because rehearsals for the spring play don't start until February so he has nothing to do

They have a holiday party and decorate cookies

they compete to see who can decorate the best cookie

Toph's is an abstract masterpiece and she takes zero feedback

Toph: i drew a gorgeous landscape // Sokka: why is it purple // Toph: oh FUCK YOU ZUKO YOU TOLD ME IT WAS GREEN

Azula: as you can see, Mai and I teamed up to make a scene with our gingerbread women // Mai: this one stabbed this one and now it's bleeding out // Ty Lee: i am so concerned by you two

Katara is absolutely thriving in the snow just because it gives her so much power

You know how in canon Toph hangs onto Sokka's arm when she can't see? yeah <3

Toph: i am a leech // Sokka: okay leech i have to go to class can i pass you to Katara // Toph: the leech will allow it

Tomorrow is the first day of October and honestly it vibes because I can start wearing spooky themed shit free of judgement from the world. Anyways here's some winter gaang and i hope u like it! :)

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ones-delight · 4 years

Text

I unfortunately won’t have therapy until the end of this month (I should have scheduled one earlier this month ugh lmao I thought one later this month would be better) so I’m doing what my therapist suggested, write down all what’s going through my head even if it doesn’t make sense to help bring myself back to reality. lol. I’m very much lost in my own sauce of feelings and thoughts. it’s allllll about my ex again so ugh lmao. My main anxieties are just feelings about my ex and what’s coming up this semester.

I’m currently in my apartment in Iowa City since we’re about to start back up my usual routine. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now which is nice because I’ve been trying to take my time to relax and get myself mentally prepared for this upcoming semester. I’m also low key glad I’m having these overwhelming anxieties right now instead of later this week. I need to ask my therapist again what exactly I am feeling (if it’s like a panic attack because i truly dont know) because I’ve been feeling hella anxious the past few days (in general) and yesterday my anxiety was so intense that I barely ate and I felt sick to my stomach. idk if others have the same too but when I also get hella anxious, all I want to do is go to the bathroom so tmi lmao. I feel this way now and I just cannot stop crying so again, I’m just writing everything that’s going through my mind lmao.

#1) Related to my ex, heart break

Yeah.. I literally keep talking about this/him and I’m glad I have multiple outlets that I can say what’s going through my mind because if I keep these thoughts to myself, I keep spiraling. I’m also very thankful I have multiple strong support systems from people where it truly doesn’t get annoying to them when I keep talking about him/my overall heart break/healing journey. I know I don’t want to burden my friends with my own thoughts (it can be a lot) so overall very thankful for friends, family, and my therapist lmao.

I think the last time I talked about my heart break was the letter I wrote to him. I wrote it and sent it to him lmao. I also wrote his mom a letter in Spanish because I want to stay connected with her and very thankful she reciprocates the same energy, Apparently, he never received the letter even though I sent it over 3 weeks ago, but anyways yeah that’s a story I will tell later in this post. Anyways, it’s legit easier said than done to completely stop checking on his social media. I was doing great before winter break. Now that winter break has happened (still kind of is for a few more days), I have relapsed where I was checking very often. The break was great since I got to spend quality time with family, however, unfortunately being back in Wichita still floods a lot of my emotions where there are still a lot of memories of him and I that still makes me feel sad (luckily no longer sobbing about but I do still feel some type of way. It’s getting better thankfully). It also hurts that he’s making new memories with his new girlfriend Kylie so I was def feeling all sorts of things. Sorry, I’m trying to go onto chronologize order of events that have happened. I’m jumping back and forth lmao

First, did I mention his mom called me the day before Christmas? I was SHOOOOOK when I saw her name on my phone. I legit froze because I wasn’t sure if it was actually her so I accidently missed her call. I’m so glad she left a voicemail so I could listen first and immediately call her back LMAO. But basically, she wanted to check in to see how I was doing, wish me and my family a merry christmas/happy new year, and asked if I could come see her. We joked a bit back and forth like how she was learning English for me while I’m learning Spanish for her. lmao. so after this phone call, I wrote her a letter to update her on what I’ve been doing. I wrote it all in Spanish since that’s her primary language so thank god for google translate. overall, I told her about how I’m about to earn my masters degree in may, I’ve lost now 30 lbs of weight/having a better relationship with food, how I’m honestly still hurt about her son cheating on me (I was in my feels. You know if you ever get those feelings like you want your mom? She legit is like a mom to me since my mom isn’t an active part of my life so yeah I guess you can say I got mommy issues but anyways) I also told her that if she’d still like me to come over, I’d love to come over and see her.

Few days go by, I’ve been creeping onto his social media, it stings to see how he has flaunted his relationship with Kylie. It hurts because I keep playing this comparison game because he truly has NEVER allowed me to post about us and he would himself refuse to post about us on his social media. So, just to see how he’s been basically spending every single day with her and posting her throughout all of his social media, makes me feel an extreme type of way. during new years, she had a party at her house where it was him, her, his brother paco (which I was SHOOOK because she met paco and not everyone has ever met paco, who is his oldest brother), miguel and his girlfriend (both are super cute btw), Blake (surprisingly), and Erik. I felt some kind of way because obviously I know they would share a new years kiss even tho they’ve only been dating for literally a month. I dated him for 3 years and NEVER got a new years kiss (because he wanted to be with bros). Valentines day is coming up and it’d be their “two month” anniversary and I just KNOW he’d actually put EFFORT into spending that day with her. 3 years I dated this guy and he never ONCE did ANYTHING for me for valentines day. ok I’m getting more hurt thinking how he’s treating his other girls better than me so anyways BACK TO THE TOPIC

few days go by and I got another call from his mom. I actually picked up this time because I was really excited to hear her voice again. I legit would die for this woman legit #1 mom. She asked if she could see me and I happily said yes. It really means a lot that she still gives me the same energy that she gave me when I was still dating her son. One of the hardest parts of us breaking up was the potential of losing his family too because they are all truly good people and I am NOT the CEO of letting people go lmao. okay back to subject, I had TONS of anxiety driving over to her house because I had so many thoughts. I asked on the phone if 1.) is Lalo there. She said no. 2.) Is Paco there. No, he apparently flew back to California that morning. I was low key hoping paco would be there still because it would be cool to catch up with him but anyways my main concern was if eduardo was there so since he wasn’t, I was like “ok vroom vroom let’s go” lmao. WOWOWOWWO seeing her just made my heart so happy. She def has a lot more gray hairs since the last time I saw her lmao she’s the cutest anyways, I’m really shook that HIS DAD FREAKING HUGGED ME. THIS MAN NEVER USUALLY HUGS ANYONEEEEEEEEEEE. Typically how we greet each other, it’s like a wave from a distance and we obvi acknowledge each other. so WOOOOW I was very thankful and shook he hugged me. Anyways, his mom showed me around the house with the Christmas decorations, I noticed her birds were still doing well, she even showed me her new plants she got lmao. We sat at the dining room table and talked and ate mexican snacks. She has broken English and I have broken Spanish so literally thank god for dualingo because it has helped me. I love how when we are together, we talk really slow and try to annunciate for each other LMAOOO. Anyways, THIS WOMAN ALSO GOT ME A STOCKING filled with Mexican Candy. omg this woman i love her so much. Anyways, I showed my tattoos to her and she legit wanted to murder me lmao but she says she likes them but hates them at the same time. She also sat me down and we had a serious conversation in terms of how she sees me. She said that I am no longer known as lalo’s novia, what I am to her is a daughter. I am evelyn’s sister and yo boi that got me crying in the club because that’s what I would love to have, to maintain my relationship with them . Okay, to kind of speed things up, basically we kept talking about Evelyn’s quinceanera that’s happening this year AHHHHHH, dropped Evelyn off and her friend to a friend’s quince, and his mom took me to eat at paleterias tropicana where I tried elote for the first time and had a jugo verde WOOOOOW SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. literally cannot stop thinking about it. Anyways, random note, I noticed my old K-State beanie in the car and his mom said it was Evelyn’s. It gave me a weird feeling because it was originally mine that he gifted me on our first Christmas together but obviously I knew he wouldn’t keep it so I’m not suprised he gave it to Evelyn. It made me wonder then what did he do to the other gifts that he originally gave me but I gave it back to him once we broke up.. okay that was a tangent, anyways, that was it with the night with his mom and ughhh it was a really fun night and I really am looking forward to seeing her again.

Now fast forward to now-ish, me not doing good of not checking his social media, I got triggered because they now made it “facebook officlal” that they are dating. it triggered me because again, he refused to publicize our relationship and it really threw me off that they’ve only been dating for a month (technically interested in each other since October, started dating November) and already publicizing they are together. they moving hella quick and basically, I got hella bitter. I felt reckless and I texted him. I KNOW I shouldn’t have texted him because I immediately felt a sense of regret after but also low key glad I did text him. ugh i hate me lmao. Anyways, i texted him and he asked if he could call me so I said yes. Luckily, the conversation was better than I expected because it was simply like two old friends catching up. It was a really good feeling even tho I’m honestly still hurt about the way that he treated me. It caught me by suprised when he said that he has talked about me with Kylie and he actually stated that he knows what he did and feels regretful for the choices he made. That was a huge shocker and I do still have trust issues because I try to take things that he says with a grain of salt. He may be saying things to me that I want to hear but it’s not the truth so anyways lmao. Our conversation was good and it really got me thinking what exactly am I doing/how am I really feeling.

I really am happy for him. Yes i’m still deeply hurt and feel a type of way about how he treated me, but I can’t do anything about the past and all I can do is just simply be happy for him. I will always love him without a doubt, but he isn’t my person. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish but he will never find someone better than me, he is simply finding someone better suited for him. What helps me the most about this is thinking about ME because that’s the situation for him, however, I know I will find someone better than him because I deserve the best.

I felt bad for asking because I am just fucking nosy and I’m glad he was okay with me asking about what happened with his relationship with Lila (the girl he left me for) and how did he start dating Kylie. He shared with with me that even though it was all great in the beginning with Lila (and let me tell you dude, he totally was hella infatuated with her lmao), they started becoming two different people. She apparently wasn’t emotionally there for him when he needed her (IRONICCCCCCCCCCCCC BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW HE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT OUR 3 YEARS TOGETHER) and she ended the relationship. It did make me sad to hear because everyone needs support and it is sad when you go to someone for support and they don’t give you it, ya know? anyways, he said with Kylie, they’ve been friends for two years (I knew who she was when we were together but they’ve always only been friends since they worked at the Sunflower together. This will sound extremely bad but I never thought about her being a girl to worry about because she did a lot of “white” things that we make fun of white people for and so it kind of shocked me that he is dating her now but anyways) apparently he said that “they were hanging out and next thing he knows is that he kissed her and that’s how they started dating.” dude didn’t want to go into detail which was fine but I’m also in my head like “ok lmao you literally just got broken up by your ex and then immediately start hanging out with another girl? ok” ANYWAYS, I really am happy for him and wish him the best.

It was cool to hear about what he’s hoping to do. He shared a lot more detail than usual which again caught me by surprise. Anyways, he shared that he is currently looking for a new place to live (a house to rent) somewhere in college hill (conveniently where Kylie also lives lmao) with Erik. He is also hoping to find another job soon because things at KWCH are no longer making him feel happier so he’s looking to see if he can work for a non-profit org which makes me happy for him because I’d also want to do the same. If I’m at a job where I’m not excited to be, I’d want to also try to make a switch. He also shared that junior (martin, his little brother) will be moving to Cali in May to move close to paco which wow made me really happy for them all. Anyways, he shared that he is hoping to stay in Wichita for about one more year and then possibly relocating to KC or somewhere in Oklahoma. i did encourage him KC because it seems that KC has much more opportunities than Wichita and Oklahoma. Only thing we both hate is driving in KC lmao

Okay, so overall, I’m still really hurt about how our relationship was and how it ended but I’m very grateful that I’m doing what is best for me to make progress because this is not an overall easy thing to do, move on. I do feel low key embarrassed that I still am not over our break up but I’m very glad that I know that He isn’t my person. we will and I cannot get back together with him even if he stated that he has “changed” Yes i invested so much in him to be my forever partner and it didn’t work out but that’s okay. I’m always willing to invest in people to be the best version of themselves and it really makes me happy to see people thrive. I truly cannot and will not take him back if there was ever a time where he wanted to give us a second try because I need to remember how he treated me. If he really was always thinking it was me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me, treated me so poorly. I’m okay with us remaining friends, but as partners in life? that isn’t it. I deserve so much better and the man of my dreams will come. I’m 10000000% okay with being single because I know I need to work on myself so that I can be fully ready for my next. I really wish my next relationship is my one and only, but hey we’ll see.

so this is already extremely long but I’m very glad I got this all out of me. I know I have other anxieties such as starting school again, which will be my last semester before I earn my masters (FINALLY), RA training coming back up (so me working is coming back), JOB SEARCH. So much is coming up and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to get my head into gear.

#personal

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caranfindel · 4 years

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Initial reaction 15.14: Last Holiday

Well, friends, here we go. Are you ready?

(I'm not. But here we go anyway.)

THEN: Cuthbert Sinclair. (Really? That's a deep cut.) Abbadon. Larry Ganem. (And S8 Sam, who is fucking gorgeous.) Oh, and God and Jack and all that stuff, in case you forgot.

NOW: Sam's in the library, doing research, and is distracted by some ominous noises. Ominous in a machinery-breaking-down kind of way, not in a monstery kind of way. Enter Dean, wearing an apron. "What's with the apron," asks Sam, "because it's only protecting your jeans, not the Red Shirt of Bad Decisions." At least that's how it sounded in my head. I mean, who only gets dirty from the waist down when they're cooking? (Well, that lends itself to all kinds of double entendres, doesn't it?) Or maybe Sam doesn't say that because he hopes the RSoBD will be destroyed in a tragic burger accident.

Seriously, Dean, that shirt is precious and you need to protect it, no matter what Sam thinks.

Dean complains that the pilot light keeps going out, and the hot water is unsatisfactory (and we know how he feels about his showers), and Sam reminds him that if the bunker was ever state-of-the-art, it was in the 50s. They exposition for us that Jack is hiding in his room. "Can you blame him?" Sam says. "His soul is back. Everything is hitting him. Everything he's done..." And Sam continues, but I'm sorry, I'm stuck here, thinking about re-souled Sam with everything hitting him. {sob} However, neither of the Winchesters seem to be thinking about this, so. Carry on.

The guys remind us that if Jack kills God, he'll have to kill Amara as well. Which I assume means Amara isn't going to get killed? Just saying. As much as I talk about foreshadowing (too much, please stop!) this show teases us with anti-foreshadowing with equal fervor. And Cas is apparently looking for Amara? What does he hope to accomplish? "Excuse me, but we're killing your brother, so you have to die too. Condolences. But if we follow canon - not that there's any reason to assume we will - you have to die at about the same time. So I need you to come with me while we figure out where he is and how to kill him."

There's another ominous noise, and Dean says "Oh, come on. Now the air?" I hope he means the air conditioning, and not the air purifying/exchange/whatever that Ketch shut off when he locked them in the bunker back in... whatever the BMoL season was. Hey, remember when the guys were locked in the bunker and they were running out of air and they wore single layers and goggles and got all sweaty and depressed? Because I've kind of never gotten over it. But I digress.

Sam is surprised that Dean expects them to fix it. "We've fought the devil," Dean says. "I've killed Hitler. I think we can handle a few old pipes." Surely this isn't the first time they've had to do some repairs around the place.

Deep within the bowels of the bunker, Sam reads some ancient instructions and complains that they can't just call a plumber. Dean refers to the bunker as the most "secretive, secure supernatural hideout in the world," which makes me laugh, because remember when Larry Ganem told Sam it was secure against all manner of evil? What a joke. Is there anything or anyone evil who hasn't been able to get into the bunker? My house is more secure against evil than the bunker, and all I have for protection is a circle of termite bait and a couple of ancient dogs.

They locate the "bunker grid control center thing thingy" (oh Sam, I adore you), complete with reset and standby buttons. Standby is glowing. Dean hypothesizes that it will work just like his computer, which needs to be shut down when it gets too many popups (I suspect you need some virus protection, dear boy), and slams down the reset button before Sam can stop him. Everything goes dark, but then starts up again, so Dean considers it a success. He calls himself "Meat Man" again and heads upstairs to finish cooking his burgers.

Time jump. Dean goes into his room, carrying a burger and a beer, and is astonished to find a middle-aged woman there. She's wearing a plaid wool skirt I owned in the 80s and is folding his underwear. "Oh, hello dear!" she says cheerfully. Dean yells for Sam.

Gosh, Dean, it's like this place isn't secretive or secure at all.

The horrified Shaggy and Scooby boxers are ~chef's kiss.~ Well done, someone.

Title card!

Library. The woman tuts at dust and wonders how they've lived in "this filth," which reminds me of an awesome Tumblr post which theorizes that faeries actually keep the bunker clean, and only first-born son Dean can see them. "Lady, who the hell are you," Dean demands, and is chastized for his language. He calls for Sam again, and gives him the story of how he walked into his room and found her "folding my underthings."

She explains that her actual name is indecipherable in "your tongue," but "Mr. Ganem called me _Mrs. Butters."_She's a wood nymph. And she's not in the woods, nymphing (thank you Dean) because she has more important things to do - she lives in the bunker and takes care of the Men of Letters. I.e., "my boys. My family."

Dean invites her to leave, but this is her home, and she's been here since "before the war." And she thinks it's 1958. "Well, I hate to tell you," Dean says, "but it's 2020." YES, DEAN, WE ALL FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT 2020. Mrs. Butters is horrified to learn all her boys are dead. And for some reason Dean tells her they were murdered by a demon instead of saying old age, or they went to a farm upstate, or whatever. She spots a photo of the last group of MoL, which we've never noticed before, and realizes that this is why they never came back from that last ceremony. When they didn't return, she decided to put the bunker - and herself - in standby mode.

But she also realizes that if these boys are like those boys, it's been a while since they had a home-cooked meal or celebrated a holiday. Or washed their clothes, as she makes a face. That's uncalled for, lady. We all know that Sam Winchester smells like rosemary and mint no matter how long it's been since he did laundry. Sam explains that they're not really "holiday people," which rings true coming from the guy who didn't want to celebrate Christmas and hates Halloween. (And only had one real Thanksgiving in his life and his brother still holds that against him but NO I'M NOT BITTER.)

Dean is more interested in what "standby mode" is. Mrs. Butters says the MoL used her magic to give the bunker "extra oomph," and snaps her fingers. Voila, extra oomph! There's some humming noises, the telescope alcove lights up (!), and an alarm sounds. Because the map table is actually a monster radar, and it indicates a nest of vampires 50 miles away. And gives the address. WELL.

{Sidebar: Why didn't the BMoL know the AMoL had this capability? Why was their focus on "you're not as good as us" instead of "you used to be as good as us; what happened?" Discuss.}

Do I care? No. Because look at these precious perplexed faces.

Dean's ready to go (and it earns him another stern warning about his language), but Sam wonders if they can trust her. "Look at her," Dean says. And I agree. She's a dumpy middle aged woman in a brown plaid wool skirt. She's basically me. And who could be more trustworthy, more concerned with the Winchesters' health and safety, than me?

Um. Anyway.

Not to change the subject or anything, but the pretty is strong tonight, y'all.

Dean suggests they give her the benefit of the doubt, and if it turns out she's not what she says she is, "then we deal with it." The music turns ominous. "What about Jack?" Sam asks.

Oh, Jack is actually in this episode? I thought maybe they were explaining his absence earlier, like they always do with Cas. (Because I always cover the guest star credits on first watch. Spoilers.) But it turns out Jack is actually with us tonight. Sitting on his bed, looking depressed. Dean knocks on his door and tells him they're going out, and there's a "probably harmless" guest making snickerdoodles. This sparks Jack's interest. It would work on me, too. I love snickerdoodles.

Impala. Sam's not sure it's a good idea to keep Mrs. Butters around, even if she is legit. He's concerned about Jack, but Dean brushes him off.

He'll be fine. I mean, I've been through worse and look at me. I'm the picture of health.

Ignoring your trauma doesn't make you healthy.

Sure it does.

Oh, Sam. Just listen to yourself. No, I mean, please. Listen to yourself.

Sam feels like Jack is hiding something, and I wish there were someone around who had also done awful things while un-souled, and remembered what it felt like to deal with that afterward. Someone sympathetic and empathetic. With soft puppy dog eyes and beautiful hair. Oh well. I guess Jack will just have to go unburden himself onto whoever he comes across.

Bunker. Mrs. Butters brings Jack a sandwich. He doesn't open the door, but she leaves it for him.

Vampire nest. A couple of vampires are watching Dark Shadows (so meta!) and drinking blood stolen from a blood bank. So, are these, like, maybe not bad vampires? Maybe they don't kill people? We'll never know, because Sam and Dean walk in and cut off their heads. And come home to... Christmas. Lights are strung all over, jazzy Christmas music is playing, there's a huge decorated tree and gifts, and Mrs. Butters has a tray of homemade cookies. "We are so keeping her," Dean says. Sam looks unsure.

Kitchen. Mrs. Butters tells Sam that since he and Dean have been so busy killing monsters, they haven't had a chance to celebrate anything. But I can barely pay attention to a single word that comes out of the woman's mouth because LOOK AT SAM IN THIS T-SHIRT. LOOK AT IT.

Single-layer Sam is something to celebrate.

She insists that Sam "enjoy the world you're fighting for" (which is never gonna happen, lady) and excitedly talks about all the holidays she wants to make up for. Then Jack enters, and her mood changes instantly. Even Jack's adorable little dorky wave doesn't melt her. "What are you?" she asks coldly.

Enter Dean, wearing a real-life version of the purple "sleeping robe" and nightcap he wore in "Scoobynatural." OH MY GAWD. I really hope this was a surprise for the rest of the cast.

And I also hope he's not really going commando underneath... or do I?

Mrs. Butters is distracted enough to decide that if the boys vouch for Jack, he must be okay. She hands Jack a smoothie but tells Dean he must have tomato juice due to his cholesterol. And she pronounces it the Patrick Stewart way, not the Mark Hammil way.

Before Dean can drink his to-mah-toh juice, the monster radar alarm goes off, and the guys rush off to prepare for a hunt. For future reference, when you leave the kitchen, Sam's room is to the right and Dean's is to the left. We next see the guys fully dressed, receiving sack lunches from Mrs. Butters. Dean's sandwich has the crusts cut off. {Sidebar: Sam never had someone to cut the crusts off his sandwich. Hold me. And also, how many reminders am I going to have of "Dark Side of the Moon" tonight?} She tells Sam the monster is a lamia, the blessed knives are in the trunk, and she just waxed the car so Dean needs to take it easy.

As the guys rush off, she turns to Jack and his smoothie mustache. "Well. What shall we do with you?"

NOTHING GOOD, I'M SURE.

As Jack helps wash dishes, he fills her in. Lucifer was his father, Mary was his family and his friend but he killed her. Mrs. Butters is very supportive, telling him "life gives us second chances and it's our obligation to hold onto them." And she presents him with another smoothie.

Montage! Thanksgiving dinner. More hunts. More sack lunches. Halloween (and even Sam seems to enjoy it). Fourth of July. (Yet another "Dark Side of the Moon" shoutout). A hunt requiring the grenade launcher and Thor's hammer from that episode whose title I can't remember! Sam's birthday! By the way, none of these holiday celebrations include Cas.

Mmmm. So worthy.

Time jump. Jack catches Mrs. Butters looking at something in a file cabinet and being very sneaky about it. He requests another smoothie to get her out of the room, and then finds what she was looking at. It's her MoL file, including a reel of film. The film shows Cuthbert Sinclar talking about File 5150 (aw, RIP Eddie Van Halen). The subject was actually recovered from the Thule (aw, "Everybody Hates Hitler") and we learn that wood nymphs "react violently when home or family are threatened." Sinclair says he "conducted a series of experiments designed to show this strange and magical being of our mission" and convinced her to join the MoL family. Huh. Wonder how he did that. Then Mrs. Butters demonstrates her devotion by literally ripping the head off a Thule. "Son of a bitch," says Jack, because he's been spending a lot of time with Dean.

Jack runs into the war room looking for Sam (and yes, I'm petty enough to love that he looks to Sam first), who is off getting ready for a "big date." Huh. Okay. Mrs. Butters offers him soup, but then Sam walks in, giving off some pretty strong Hot Professor Sam vibes (hello again, "Everybody Hates Hitler") with a sweater vest and tie, and I am thrilled with this development.

Thrilled, I tell you.

Mrs. Butters tells him he looks wonderful but offers to trim his hair (back off, lady, I will cut you) and Dean enters in time to make a weak Abercrombie and Bitch joke. Sam tells him Eileen's in town, and he's taking her out to dinner and "some privacy, something."

"Heavy on the something," Dean says, and we're going to talk about that later, I promise. But for now, Mrs. Butters tells Sam to take one of the old cars from the garage. Finally. Can we just make this permanent? Can Sam have his own fucking car, please? She produces a bouquet of roses from nowhere and sends him on his adorably anxious way. Then she tells Dean she found a broken TV in one of the rooms and fixed it. "The Dean Cave?" Dean is off like a shot. I wonder if that's the TV he smashed with a hammer, and if so, how did she fix it? (Also, hello again, "Scoobynatural.")

Jack is still unsettled. He follows her into the dungeon and tells her he saw the film. {Sidebar: The film showed her killing one of their enemies because she's protective of the MoL. Is it really that awful? Discuss.} "And how did that make you feel?" she asks. "You relished his pain, didn't you, Jack?" Oh, turns out that was a setup - she wanted Jack to see the video, so she could confirm that he was a bloodthirsty little monster. And do the Winchesters know how powerful he has become?

They should be scared of you!

I would never hurt them.

You have before, haven't you? Have you ever thought that Sam and Dean keep you in here, closed in, secure, because they're scared you'll do to someone else what you did to their mother?

Well, I mean. Now he has. She flings Jack into the wall. He tries to use the glowy eyes on her, but he finds himself powerless. She snaps the magic handcuffs on him. "You didn't think those smoothies were for your health, did you? Oh, I've learned a few things while I was doing the dusting around here. A little yarrow root, some ground jawbone for texture, and voila! You are as weak as a puppy."

Wait. That's all it took? To power down a nephilim, who is canonically more powerful than his archangel parent? So when the Winchesters were trying to take down Lucifer and AU Michael, all they needed was some yarrow root and ground jawbone? And the answers were all right here in the bunker?

(Sigh. Don't think about it. That way lies madness.)

(Also, canon! Ha ha ha ha.)

She tells Jack she's making the bunker safe again and getting rid of all the monsters. Like you, sweetness. Aw. Sad Jack.

Kitchen. Dean comes in looking for a snack and is immediately presented with some kind of grilled sandwich. She tells him to eat it, because he'll need his strength when they go kill Jack. Aw, that's the sound of a heart breaking.

Dean is disappointed that their good thing has gone "full Nurse Ratchet," and glances longingly at the sandwich he has to leave behind. He takes Mrs. B's knife and suggests they let Jack go and pretend this never happened. The only logical conclusion is that Dean is under Jack's spell, so he gets tossed into the dungeon too. Oh, cool. Does that mean Sam gets to be the hero and save them?

Spoiler alert: Ha ha ha ha no.

Hello, Demon Dean. That's the only other time we've seen this expression, isn't it? {Or is it simply the only one branded onto my brain? Discuss.)

Map table room. Sam comes in and is met by Mrs. B. "Bit past your curfew, Samuel," she says curtly. He's no longer wearing his tie. Hmm. So, let's talk about the Eileen situation. Isn't it weird that (1) Dean didn't know she was in town, and (b) she's not spending the night at the bunker? Wouldn't you think she'd be a house guest? I mean, she's not "in town" for the heck of it. The only thing that would bring her to Lebanon would be Sam. So why isn't she here seeing Sam? Is she just driving through on her way somewhere else? She can't even spend one night in the bunker? And the tie? If Sam removed his tie, doesn't that strongly suggest Dean was right about the "something" going on? Did they do it in the back of the old car? At a hotel? I have questions, friends.

Anyway. Sam asks where Jack and Dean are, since it's late and they should be sitting around the map table waiting for him to come home and not, like, in bed or anything. "Well, I have some good news, and some bad news."

HERE IS SOME GOOD NEWS INDEED.

Honestly, I like this look better without the tie.

Time jump.

So, Jack has taken over Dean's mind. And they're both downstairs, right now, ready to be killed by us.

You were always the smart one, yes.

Sam, who is the smart one, says he's going to go to his room and get his gun, and he'll meet her in the dungeon. "And we can... get to the killing." I LOVE HIM. {Sidebar: I have watched his fake relieved sigh several times and it makes me smile every time.} Once he’s safe in his room, Sam calls Dean and starts to tell him about Mrs. Butters.

Went psycho, we know.

Why didn't you call me?

Well, I mean I, you know, I figured you were "practicing your sign language."

And that's more important than coming to save you?

...

Dean?

It's been a while for you, man, you know?

Aw. Always the supportive big brother. {Sidebar: As long as Sam is doing something Dean thinks Sam should be doing. But I digress.}

{Sidebar: I love Dean, y'all know I do. Warts and all. He'd be boring if he were perfect.}

Dean suggests Sam shoot her, although they don't know if a gun will kill her because neither of them got around to researching it because they were distracted by Christmas and Thanksgiving and breakfast on Boxing Day. That's how you get killed, guys. {Sidebar: How much do I love that Sam calls it Boxing Day? For my Brit friends, that's not really a thing in the U.S., although it's gradually starting to become one. And I love it.}

Dean then suggests that putting the bunker in standby mode might put Mrs. B in suspended animation again. Meanwhile, Jack and Dean are stuck in the dungeon. Jack suggests using his power to remove the cuffs, but Dean points out that the power surge would catch Chuck's attention. But what power surge? Jack already tried to use his power against Mrs. B and it turned out he didn't have any.

Jack suspects there are other reasons Dean doesn't want him to use his power, and suddenly decides it's time for a deep conversation.

Do you still think I'm a monster? Okay, I'm just gonna say this, okay? Just get it out there. Jack, I'm trying, okay? I really am. But what you did, that's not easy to forget. Now, I was angry with you. For a while. And maybe I still am a little bit, okay? But I'm not gonna let some evil Mary Poppins take you out. You understand?

Okay. Good talk.

Sam shows up in the library looking for Mrs. B, and trying to hide his gun, as if he hadn't told her he was going to his room specifically to retrieve said gun. But Mrs. B realizes he's trying to kill her, and freezes him. She's not mad, she's just disappointed. She tosses him into a chair and keeps him there with the power of her mind, not with rope or anything, in case you were wondering. {Oh, hello, "Funeralia" and "The Trap."} She tells him that when the MoL first found her, she didn't realize how important they were. But Mr. Cuthbert explained it to her. And since Sam is her favorite, she's not going to give up on him. Yet. She's going help Sam the same way Mr. Cuthbert helped her understand. Well, that doesn't sound ominous at all.

He's my favorite too! And I also think he needs to be hurt! See, she's basically me!

Dungeon. Dean is going to try to chop Jack's handcuffs off.

You're sure this is gonna work?

Let's say yes.

Aw. That was a perfect opportunity to bring back "maybe 90% sure." And it doesn't work - Jack is sent flying into a glassed-in cabinet that I've never seen in the dungeon before. Dean says "dang it" before remembering that he can use his big boy words, which is adorable. And then he gets an idea.

Upstairs. Mrs. B tries to convince Sam that Jack is a monster because he's Lucifer's son. Sam, of course, takes the opposite side of this debate. "Now, Mr. Cuthbert taught me that pain can be a wonderful teacher. Let's see if it can't correct your ways."

I SWEAR, Y'ALL, SHE IS ME.

Sam could sneer at her and say "I've been tortured by the devil himself; what can you do to me?" but we don't have that version of Sam any more. Mrs. B, without tools, yanks off one of his fingernails. {Oh, hello "A Very Supernatural Christmas!"}

Meanwhile, downstairs, Dean has a different theory on pain. It's just "weakness leaving the body," he tells Jack. We get a little "on three" bit, where he actually does the thing on one. And the thing is that he tries to cut Jack's handcuffs again, but this time Jack is strategically placed in front of the dungeon door. So when he's thrown back by the blast, he ends up breaking the door down.

Upstairs. Sam's been relieved of even more fingernails.

Downstairs. Dean takes a hammer (!) and smashes the reset button. Why doesn't he just push it with his hand? I mean, sure, we get the hammer, and the red lights and warning klaxon, and all of that turns me into Pavlov's dog {Hello, "Soul Survivor"}. But still. Seems unnecessary.

Upstairs. Mrs. B seems to be gone, and Dean bends over like he's untying Sam's wrist. But Sam's wrists aren't tied to anything, so. I got nothin'.

Downstairs. The runes that seem to hold Mrs. B in stasis light up, but do not stay lit. Well, that can't be good. And then the bunker grid control center thing thingy starts shaking and springs a leak. Ooops. Here she comes, complete with glowy green eyes.

Upstairs. Dean finishes untying Sam from the chair he wasn't tied to, and remarks on how gross his tortured hand is. Mrs. B shows up, yells that they've all been very bad, and flings them across the room. She's sure Sam will thank her someday for killing Jack, because it's so important to kill monsters and keep the MoL safe. It's why she couldn't go back to her forest. Sam explains to her that Mr. Cuthbert tortured her and used her, and Dean tells her Jack is going to save the world. Oh, okay then. The regular lights turn back on and Mrs. B tearfully says she misses the MoL so much.

Aftermath. Mrs. B heals Sam's hand and apologizes and all is immediately forgotten and once again, Sam gets to forgive his torturer and turn the other cheek. Yay! Sam, what was it you said earlier?

Gif stolen from @michaeldean

The guys send Mrs. B back to the woods, but first they have this conversation:

Sadly, without my magic, the bunker will revert to standby mode, so. Ah well, things were getting too easy anyway, you know? Who needs a monster radar? Or whatever that telescope thing is? It's an interdimensional geoscope. It's a what? I looked in it earlier; I didn't see anything. Oh. Well that's not good.

Holy crap, you guys. Interdimensional. It let the MoL look at the alternate worlds. And now you can't see anything because all of the alternate worlds have been destroyed. Gotta admit, this is an excellent little twist.

Jack presents Mrs. B with the photo of the MoL. "Oh look," she says. "The man who tortured me and kept me from my home, right here, front and center." Well, no, she doesn't. But I do.

Mrs. Butters gives them some last instruction. "Dean, eat your vegetables. And Sam, cut your hair. And Jack, go save the world." Well, I'm in favor of one or two of those things.

Try to tell me I'm wrong. Just try.

After-aftermath. Jack tells Sam that he doesn't know if he can kill God, since he was sidelined by a wood nymph "because I was stupid." He asks if Sam thinks he can do it.

"Jack, you're the only who can." No pressure.

Dean shows up with a truly awful-looking birthday cake for Jack. "I made it myself. Obviously." But Jack is thrilled because it's from Dean, and it means Dean loves him and has forgiven him, until the plot requires otherwise. He makes a wish and blows out his single candle. Fade to black.

So! There were parts of this that were simply marvelous. There were parts that were kind of dumb. There were parts that would have made me very angry if I weren't so tired and jaded. But the good parts were darn good, and the pretty was dialed up to 11, and we all know I'm a sucker for a pretty episode. And there was NO B PLOT. AT ALL. Thank you baby Jesus.

And let’s just refuse to consider the possibility that these were, in fact, their last holidays. Thanks.

Now I get to see what you thought about it. And, as always, please help me stay unspoiled for future episodes, including episode titles and casting info. {smooches}

#spn #15.14 #initial reaction #recap #tv recaps #spoilers

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if-found-return-to-gusu · 4 years

Text

Christmas Time at the Nie Palace

Okay… Okay Christmas.

So I’d like to start by pointing out that like… I don’t celebrate Christmas like in any real way? It’s just a fun excuse to get together with my friends. And we all seem to be on the same page with that.

So SangSang threw a party. Let me just say, the Nie’s know how to blow it up, okay? Like apparently DaGe did a lot of the planning too? Which surprised me. But they got IN to it.

I… Okay so in my mind DaGe probably just hoisted that giant tree in by himself. Like just WOOMPH like the man is a tank.

Realistically I know that Lan Xichen helped him and they probably used a trolley or something. But like…. Picturing Nie MingJue just HOISTING a gigantic christmas tree into the main hall is just… I can’t picture it any other way. It’s just how it happened. Fanon is better than Canon in this instance don’t @ me.

But I know that both he and Nie Huaisang did most of the decorating together. Technically they are rich (not even technically but they don’t ACT like rich bois so I forget) and could have just hired people to do it for them, but I guess this is something that they both love to do together. A shared tradition. And their house (mansion????) is not small. So like it took some TIME. And like… probably lots of ladders? Because even DaGe isn’t that tall.

I had about .5 seconds to appreciate this, however, before I heard happy screams of children. Which is good because there WERE children. If there are no children and you hear children screaming, leave. But as there were children, we were good.

Said children screamed my name and suddenly two tiny bodies were yeeting themselves at me.

Not to worry, Jin Ling does this A LOT (though he must have taught A-Yuan because that was a first.

A-Yuan jumped very nicely into my arms though. Just a nice little hop and swoop right on my hip.

Jin Ling, however, is a little monster who NEVER jumps nice. He jumps to the side and expects me to catch him! Now to be fair, I always DO, but I won’t deny that the first time it happened it gave me a fucking heart attack.

I do believe that Lan Zhan felt my pain this day because when Jin Ling sailed into my arms and immediately leaned outwards so that he’d swing by whatever limb I’d managed to nab, Lan Zhan ruined everything by stabilizing him. (How is his hand like the size of Jin Ling’s entire torso? ((Like with the fingers spread but still???)))) Anyway.

Don’t think I’ve ever seen that quality of death glare out of a 3 year old before. Impressive.

Lan Zhan backed away immediately and Jin Ling promptly returned his attention back to his best uncle in the whole wide world (me.).

So now I had two young boys in my arms babbling away about this and that at the same time so I couldn’t understand a word of it.

Is there anything sweeter?

Eventually I managed to make out that they wanted me to go into the other room where the real party was. A-Ling was talking about how his mama wanted to see me and so she’d sent him for guard duty. (Found out later from Shijie that she had mentioned my name one time in passing saying that she was looking forward to me arriving with Lan Zhan and Jin Ling IMMEDIATELY went off to wait for me. When A-Yuan arrived instead of me he was apparently a bit disappointed until he realized that now he had a friend to wait with him. And so that’s apparently when they plotted the joint throw. A-Yuan said I was supposed to fall over but I was apparently just too strong.)

Anyway. I hoisted them up higher on my hips and we tramped off to the main room…. Is it a living room? Dining room? Ballroom? Fuck if I know they have too many rooms. It was a big room with enough space for entertaining a lot of people. Anyway. We went there. And were greeted by… A LOT of people! Like Apparently Nie Huaisang had decided to invite everyone I know? Or actually I think DaGe suggested some of them?

Okay so… Um… I think this is what Wen Ning said.. DaGe and Wen Qing hit it off at my birthday in a like… platonic way because that sounds like a crackship. Since they are both hella gay. But like they got to talking at my birthday and like she gave him some medical opinions on a part of a case he was working on or something???? And now they’re like… legit in contact with each other? She helps with forensics or something?

I don’t get it.

But Nie Huaisang was saying they should bring in some of the people they met at my birthday because he liked them and DaGe said he’d already added Wen Qing to the list?

Nd Nie Huaisang said that they couldn’t just invite ONE Wen

And so

They invited

All of them???

Including Granny and Uncle Four????? Who they had NOT met before this? I guess???

Which was why A-Yuan was there and because A-Yuan was there A-Ling was there because playdate? Or something? And so Shijie and the peacock were both there because of course he was coming if his wife and son were there (although A-Lian was with her grandparents because she doesn’t do so well at parties most of the time ((My birthday was a fluke???? Or maybe she just likes me. Hard to tell with that babe. Stares like a cat seeing a ghost in the corner of the room. Seems to like Lan Zhan though. Maybe because he stares the same way????????? Am I a ghost?????? In the corner of the roooommmmmm????? Spoopy. ))

Anyway THey were there but then SO WAS JIANG CHENG because apparently, appAReNTlY Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang don’t know that Nie Huaisang is also my friend? Because they’re all rich and rich people all know other rich people and when you’re friends with other rich people it’s okay because you’re ‘making a connection network’ and so Jiang Cheng through a loophole of rich=dumb apparently? (Like not that the rich people are dumb but the like the whole rich ettiquette is just bonkers) he was allowed to network at this Christmas gathering. Because I think they assumed that rich people only invite other rich people to their parties? When really it ended up being a pretty even 50/50 split.

So okay the wens were there and Shijie and her +1 and A-Ling, and Jiang Cheng (who I hugged immediately but just listing this out first bare with me.) was there. And Lan Zhan and I were there and Lan Xichen was there of course. Though… isn’t he dating that other Jin guy? I wonder why he WASN’T there? I think there’s some beef between him and DaGe or something and I guess if DaGe didn’t like me I’d avoid him too…. You know to stay alive… But hmm… Lan Xichen didn't seem too upset. So I guess it’s fine? Seemed to have fun with DaGe anyway.

(Is it wrong to ship? I mean…. They’d be so good together????? Like that’s their business but I feel like a meddling old spinster aunt trying to get people together. Idk. Whatever. Moving on). Oh oh oh And Gamby and her wife were there!! And MianMian and Qin Su! Like it was literally everyone who had been at my birthday + more! (because Uncle Four and Granny Wen. But still. They count! And I was so excited to see them hahah.) So like apparently gatherings are good for networking. Lol.

So yeah Everyone was there. But the first person I saw was Jiang Cheng. Who I’d thought, honestly and truly, that I’d never get to see again.

I don’t know which of us started the hug. Maybe it was the same time. But for once he didn’t bitch about it and I wasn’t a little shit about it either.

Just…. Jiang Cheng really gives great hugs. He told me that he missed me. And said that he was working things out on his end and to be patient please. Promised me and made me promise back that we were still brothers. Forever.

And that was about all of the feely feels we could handle in public because EVERYONE WAS STARING AT US….

Except Lan Zhan who had disappeared? I didn’t notice until then. But poof.

…………………

Just asked him where he was for the first bit of the party and he said apparently he’d brought the Emperor’s Smile to the kitchen and ended up getting stuck for a bit helping the cook finish off some stuff because he’s an angel and the nicest person in the world.

Which… explains why I saw him later holding a tray of hors-d’oeuvres (had to ask Lan Zhan how to spell that…. Maybe shouldn’t have because that’s dangerously close to telling him I had a blog? I think he probably just thinks I’m texting someone about it….. Weeks after it happened…… O.O;;;; uh…. Well he didn’t ask about it so I guess I’m good. Whatever moving ON.).

So we coughed and let go of each other, but I couldn’t resist grinning at him. Just seeing him there. Knowing that he came here and specifically made it so that I could be here too. That he’s going to such lengths and and.. Actually FIGHTING to keep me in his life. Just…

Okay Stop or you’ll cry, Wei Ying.

What happened next… ah… we went to the party room saw Jiang Cheng and then we got pulled in to stand with the mingling crowd.

More hugs all around. Even from Wen Qing after she gave me a quick check up to see how I was healing up. Ever the professional.

I guess… I really scared everyone. Not just from the fire but before that too. They knew that I wasn’t doing well and then more and more shit kept happening. And I think I really scared them.

To be honest, I really scared me too.

But Lan Zhan saved me. So I guess in the end none of us had anything to fear. <3

We were all chilling and talking and I was just starting to worry that Lan Zhan somehow got lost or kidnapped or eaten by a Nie Monster or something when he appeared holding trays of food. I watched him going to the other room and followed him because I was having Lan Zhan withdrawal.

And found him setting the food down on a MASSIVE table in the HUMUNGAZOID DINING HALL.

Okay so I’ve been to Nie Huaisang’s place before but generally we just like chilled in the normal living areas. But he has these ‘entertaining’ areas for when they have formal gatherings or parties or whatever. And I’d kinda passed by them before but they were just big empty rooms, right? Like oh okay whatever. It’s like passing by a meeting hall in a hotel. Like oh okay just a big empty room for meetings and shit.

Except when they decorate it it transforms into like this huge palace room! Like fuck! Gold and glitter and lights and sparkle and just everything! And really like tastefully done too. It was a lot, but it was the right kind of a lot. And it was all very coordinated.

I guess Lan Xichen helped a lot with the balance in the end? How often does Lan Xichen come over here that he’s helping set up decor?

Who knows.

Not my business.

Still though isn’t he dating Jin Guangyao or whatever? I wonder how he feels about it?

Whatever. Not my business.

SO I trotted over to Lan Zhan like a little lost duckling and asked if he needed help with anything. He gave me one of those smiles that he saves just for me (my HEART) and lead me over to the other side of the room and told me to sit at the table.

I was still all flustered from that smile because MY HEART so I didn’t even think to protest until he was already leaving again! Noo! My Lan Zhan Withdrawal wasn’t done yet! But he was only calling for the others to come join us so we could start dinner. Everyone filed in and Lan Zhan sat next to me before anyone else could.

I tried not to think too much into it at the time but now…. I wonder…

Anyway.

Dinner was amazing. Like think of your favorite holiday food. Okay you got it? It was there. I guarantee it. Like dear god.

And DELICIOUS

And and Lan Zhan had brought me some Emperor’s Smile that was nice and chilled and delicious.

Somehow…

Okay I know, alright. I KNOW! But like

The taste of that wine… makes me think of him. Of that kiss.

He doesn’t taste like wine but something… So clean and clear and refreshing. Mellow but still strong. Just….

Stop thinking about his LIPS

Okay moving on.

(How many times do I say moving on? I should make a tally.)

MOVING ON.

Dinner=amazing.

And right when we were ready to burst from eating and eating and eating…..

Dessert

ACTIVATE SECOND STOMACH! DEPLOY!

Guys… Guys I ate so much food. I’m pretty sure they had to roll me out of the chair.

Oh… wait… no that actually happened. But mostly for the kids I swear.

I was whining to Lan Zhan that he was gonna have to roll me to the next room (to which he, of course, responded that he would simply carry me instead. Ugh this man) and Jin Ling called me silly and said I should walk. And A-Yuan, who is apparently much too used to my antics, laughed and agreed in a kinda… idk… DO IT kinda way? So I slid to the floor (I know gross but whatever. The things we do for our children) and rolled away from the table.

Worked though. Both kids started to shriek with laughter, even though A-Ling was trying his best to sound like Jiang Cheng to tell me to get off the floor because it’s dirty. I rolled about 8 feet before Lan Zhan just deadlifted me into his arms and hauled me into the next room.

Which made me explode and the children laugh even harder.

This. MAN. How am I expected to survive living with this man when HE KEEPS PULLING THIS SHIT!?!?!?!?!?!

I covered my face to hide how red it was and to avoid looking at everyone’s faces. Because I know they all know. Like they are very obvious about how obvious I must be. Like I’m hopeless. Completely and hopelessly in love with Lan Zhan and they all fucking KNOW it and they ALWAYS GIVE ME THESE LOOKS WHEN I’M WITHIN 10 FEET OF THE MAN AND LIKE I GET IT OKAY I KNOW I’M AN IDIOT BUT APPARENTLY /HE/ DOES NOT KNOW THAT I FEEL THIS WAY AND I DO NOT WANT HIM TO FIND OUT BECAUSE YOU GUYS KEEP GIVING ME THESE FUCKING LOOKS EVERY TIME HE BREATHES IN MY DIRECTION LIKE OKAY I GET IT I KNOW OMG

…………

YES NIE HUAISANG I AM TALKING TO YOU

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Anywaymovingon*lolseewhatididthere?*

He plopped me very gently on the couch and sat next to me. Immediately the part of my lap that was not taken up by my over-stuffed stomach, was filled by my nephew. Lan Zhan got to deal with a very excited, but very polite A-Yuan asking very kindly if he could sit on his lap. (To which of course Lan Zhan just picked him up and placed him there. A-Yuan looked so delighted.)

I finally chanced a look at the rest of the group who quickly pretended they hadn’t been giggling at us and staring the entire time.

They shuffled around, talking about if we wanted to do games or presents first.

Presents???? PRESEN-- NO ONE HAD TOLD ME THERE WERE FUCKING PRESENTS. I HADN’T GOTTEN ANYONE ANYTHING!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK

So I start whispering frantically to Lan Zhan asking him if he knew about it and trying very valiantly not to swear since WE HAD LAPS FULL OF CHILDRENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN AND THE LAST THING I NEED IS FOR THEM TO TELL THE REST OF THE FAMILY THAT UNCLE XIAN TAUGHT THEM THE WORD FUCK. ugh.

Lan Zhan apparently knew about it the entire time.

I couldn’t get into it too much because kids. But uuuuuuuuuugh.

WELL everyone decided that we’d do presents later so that it was easier to keep track of everything

Of course that means more time for me to freak out. Because what else am I good at but freaking out?

Instead they brought out the games. I finally got a look around at the actual room when the children leaped off of my lap to go play some of the games that were being set up. A-Ling decided it was time to latch himself to his father since his mother was kicking Wen Qing’s ass at pool (well she would have been kicking her ass if she wasn’t 6 months pregnant. As such they were pretty evenly matched.)

There was a section with toys and board games where DaGe and Lan Xichen started to set things up to see if they could entice the kids to play with them. A-Yuan was won over first which was enough to convince A-Ling to beg his dad to play with them over there.

Not that he had to beg much. Jin ZiXuan would do anything for that boy. Spoils him rotten. But in a loving way.

So I saw the 5 of them sit down for…. Shoots and ladders? I think? DaGe looked at those kids with pure adoration. Same way he looks at Busu back at the bunny cafe. Guess he has a soft spot for small cute things.

Can’t blame him.

Wen Ning and Nie Huaisang were off in a corner by one of the large TV’s playing some game or another. I’m… what was it… Gang Beasts or something? I don’t know. You pick the other guy up and try to yeet him off the stage. I don’t know. Apparently it’s a bit older of a game now but Wen Ning really loves it. (Surprisingly enough for such a meek guy, he is RUTHLESS when it comes to chucking Gumby-lookin fuckers off a plane. Who knew?) Jiang Cheng took a turn but sucked at it so he stomped off to play with the kids instead.

Gamby and Aunty Yi were off that way too watching a movie on another screen with MianMian and Qin Su watching something else on yet another TV. (seriously how many screens???) And Uncle Four was kinda staring between that, the game, and the yule log TV, nursing a bottle of his famous fruit wine. Brews it himself and it will FUCK you up.

I… okay so… I’m slow. But like I noticed finally that the Yule log-- You know that station that just plays christmas music and is just a fire? Like they… Okay it was mute. So it was just the fire. And they put it in front of the actual fire place. That would normally have been lit.

They.. it was for me. I could tell. Because Nie Huaisang glanced at me then and the look… You don’t get to see him looking soft too often. But.. Thank you Nie Huaisang. For that. For protecting me.

They put in a fake fire so that I could feel comfortable.

I turned to Lan Zhan then to ask him what he wanted to do only to find him… he was just watching me. He was so close…

I freaked a little and asked him if he wanted to play a game. Any game. Just any game at all. Please just pick a damn game omg a;dlkfja;sdkj he was so close.

We ended up… somehow playing darts? Sort of.

He’d never played darts so I ended up having to talk him through it. Then promptly kicked his ass because my aim is perfect and he was lucky to hit the damn board.

I helped him get better though because he’s really a very good student. And uh… well.. Um… He …

OKAY THE CLICHE IS REAL AND I HELD HIS HAND AND STOOD BEHIND HIM TO CORRECT HIS FORM OKAY AND IT IS CHEESY AND STUPID AND I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT OKAY.

I KNOW. A;LSKDFJ;DJ

But it did actually help. By the end of it he was doing pretty good I’d say!

Eventually he switched out with Lan Xichen so that he could ‘show us how it’s done’ and that turned into quite the competition. Lan Xichen gave me a run for my money that’s for sure.

Somehow everyone sorta ended up watching. To be fair we were moving pretty fast.

Liek AIM THROW THWP POINTS!

At one point DaGe started suggesting different trick shots which made it harder. Didn’t last long after that because we decided it was better to not put a bunch of little holes all over the wall because Lan arm strength is apparently genetic and INSANE soooo that ended that.

After that, since we’d all gathered again anyway, apparently it was time for presents. Which I had actually forgotten about.

I pulled Lan Zhan aside as everyone else started setting up to ask him about it and why I hadn’t heard about this??? I didn’t HAVE presents for anyone! Like fuck!

He told me that he’d put my name on the presents he’d given anyway. Like there was a ‘draw from a hat’ business secret santa kind of thing? And I was not included.

I’m… I’m really a bit… I don’t know…

They… Like I know I’d been through a lot lately and… well I guess I haven’t been in the best state for a couple of months by then… but they could have asked me.. I mean I’m not THAT poor all things considered. I don’t have an apartment and I had to buy a lot of new stuff, yeah but Lan Zhan isn’t charging me rent and actually bought a lot of it for me whether I wanted him to or not. So Like… I could have afforded a present.

It’s that… that pity feeling that I talked about before. I felt like I was being pitied. And I hate it.

Lan Zhan told me it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t pity to help take care of someone who is going through shit. It’s caring.

And I guess… but still…

He touched my cheek then, cupped it with his hand.

“I do not pity you. I worry. And I care. But that’s not pity,” he said. “We want to take care of you sometimes. Please let us?”

Of course what can I say to that? Nothing. Gah. For a man who doesn’t speak much he sure knows how to talk me into a corner.

I was still trying to formulate a response when I started to notice there was a lot of… snickering going on.

I looked around and everyone quickly looked away, pretending they weren’t laughing. But I could see them all hiding grins. I looked at Lan Zhan who looked about as confused as I was and the snickering started again.

“Well what are you waiting for?”

SangSang…. I should murder you. I should just… Chop you up into tiny pieces and chuck you in a river.

Either that or throw a damn party for you.

I looked over at him and he was pointing up. So we looked up and….

……………………………………………………………..

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Fuck you Nie Huaisang!

THERE WAS MISTLETOE ABOVE US BECAUSE CLEARLY WE WERE IN NEED OF MORE CLICHES IN MY SAPPY LOVE (OR LACK THERE OF????? MAYBE?? MAYBE NOTA.LDKFSJAL;SDKFJ ) LIFE.

I… Okay my memory is shit, so like… but I don’t remember there being anything there before. Like… I feel like I would have noticed??? I… well…

Well it is what it is.

Lan Zhan. And I. Were stuck under the mistletoe. Together. With EVERYONE watching us and snickering away. Like a damn faulty sprinkler system. CHE CHE CHE CHE CHE.

All of them. They will all pay. Revenge will come on swift wings when they least expect it!

You know what? Fuck it. I’m gonna set up DaGe and Lan Xichen purely out of spite.

But back to the problem at hand. I couldn’t avoid looking back at Lan Zhan forever. He looked about as red as I felt.

“Mistletoe….” I said intelligently.

“Mn…” was his very articulate response.

“You… we don’t have to….” I said. But he cut me off with a kiss.

A real kiss. Not a cheek kiss. Or a forehead kiss. A real proper kiss. Right on the lips.

Short but oh so sweet.

He kissed me.

HE. KISSED. ME.

;akdfj;alskdjl;sadjf;kaja;eioj;OJAD;LKFJA;SLDKFJ;Kjfda;kj;lkj

Okay. So it was just a peck. The kind you would give to a close friend in this situation. (Okay don’t yell at me I know. Like let me explain.)

My point is. I didn’t want to… read more into it than there was to read. Okay? But it…

Okay this is hard to explain.

I’m not THAT stupid. I know that you don’t always just kiss your friends. Some people do but not everyone. And Lan Zhan is NOT the type to just kiss a friend.

But there was the complication with the kiss after the fire and the tension before of the what are we??? Like I’ve known for a while- I think I mentioned it before-- I think we hit a level past… past just friends. And I wanted to believe it was romantic on both sides but I wasn’t sure. And I was scared. And I didn’t want to risk what I have just because I’m greedy. Like what we had.. It is enough even if I WANT more.

And then he kissed me under that mistletoe..

I’d kinda squashed my hope of more after the kiss. After he agreed it meant nothing. It hurt so bad that the only way I could really process it was to just repress it. (which I’m TRYING not to do but I had a lot going on. And I had to process the rest of it first). So it just kinda turned into… I don’t know… I’d lost that hope. That thought that maybe he could grow to love me. I took that hope and I shoved it behind an iron door and threw the key away into a hedge maze guarded by evil goblins. (Not cute goblins like me. Evil ones. Pointy and mean.)

But… then he kissed me under that mistletoe… and… I don’t know… did he fight off the goblins and find it in that hedge maze? Or did he just forge a new key altogether?

But he unlocked that door. And opened it even if just a crack. And he let out a sliver of hope again. A tiny sliver of real hope that rests in my heart even now. Growing.

We stared at each other until we were interrupted by everyone’s whooping and cheers. “Alright alright yeah yeah.” I chided and ushered them away.

At least A-Yuan and A-Ling were busy making grossed out faces instead of cheering. Good boys.

“What’s wrong? You don’t like kisses?” I asked them. And then I launched myself at them making the most obnoxious kissy face I could manage. Chased them around the room while everyone else settled in for presents. Caught them after a few moments and covered them in kisses. A-Yuan laughed and A-Ling pretended he was trying to get away, but I know he liked it.

Hah.

I kissed them all the way back to the couch where I sat next to Lan Zhan (who I couldn’t look at anymore). I plopped A-Yuan in his lap and just held on to A-Ling who was scrubbing his face clean of my kisses. Quite dramatically I might add. Offensive. (he got like 5 more kisses because of it.

I told him that if he kept scrubbing off my kisses I’d just have to keep replacing them. “Just ask Uncle Cheng.”

“It’s true, buddy.”

“See? It’s true!”)

“Alright! Is everyone ready?” Shijie asked once A-Ling finally submitted to his punishment kisses. The two kids sat up so fast they almost clocked both me and Lan Zhan clean on the chin. But fortunately we are both ninjas and managed to avoid braining the children.

“Presents! Presents! Presents!” they chanted. (Well A-Ling chanted and then nudged A-Yuan until he joined in).

It started off harmless enough. They started bringing stuff over to me and Lan Zhan which makes sense. Let the kids go first, right? And they’d clearly need more than everyone else.

Except… They weren’t all for the kids. And they kept bringing them over. Until there was a pile of every single present gathered beside me and at my feet.

The kids each got a couple but the rest of them. They were small but they were all clearly labeled.

“Wei Ying. Wei Ying. Wei Ying.”

Every one of them.

I looked over at Lan Zhan to decide if I needed to yell at him some more but he looked just as flabbergasted as I did. So clearly he wasn’t in on it.

Everyone else…. Lan Zhan was right. It wasn’t pity in their eyes. The way they were looking at me. It was love.

I let the kids open their gifts first so I had a moment to collect myself. They tore the paper like wild animals and squealed in delight at each new toy.

A-Yuan’s favorite was the little toy butterfly that Lan Zhan got him (with my name on the gift to give me credit I didn’t deserve). He hugged us both, and then went off to play with A-Ling with the blasters they both got.

I did relish the look of pain on Jin ZiXuan’s face as he realized he was going to listen to those blasting noises and beeps and whistles for the next 2 months until A-Ling finally got bored. Very satisfying.

But the… Well I couldn’t avoid it anymore. I had to open my own gifts.

“Start with this one, please,” Gamby said, holding out the largest of the pile.

I… when I opened it…

Would you blame me if I cried?

The.. the photo album that I’d gotten for my birthday. It burned in the fire. And… I didn’t… I didn’t want to admit it but it crushed me. Of all the possessions I lost… that one…

But they replaced it! They got me a new book. All the photos were there. Not the originals, but they’d made copies of every photo they’d taken because they still wanted their own copies of them too. (Apparently the originals had all gone into my book which is still a shame. But the image is more important than the paper.)

Every single gift was related to that book. Gamby and Aunty Yi gave me the new book. All the photos from the original were there. But then every single gift from the others were new pages with new photos. Ones that hadn’t been included before and then lots from my birthday. Pictures of everyone and of me and just… The last page was a large copy of the picture we’d all taken at the photo booth. It filled the whole page.

And then letters. From everyone. Letters of love. Stories and memories. To me. Even Jin ZiXuan wrote a letter. Admittedly short but still there. (He mentioned in the letter that he wasn’t sure he needed to write me one of his own since technically he’s the one who did the writing for A-Ling’s letter but figured it would annoy me so fuck it.)

That dick. Do I have to like him now? Uuugh I don’t want to like him. :(

I had to give the book to Lan Zhan so that I wouldn’t cry on it.

Shijie came and hugged me, letting me cry without judgement like she always does. And then I felt Lan Zhan’s arms join hers. And then I was drowning in arms.

I’m…. I’m not used to being the focus like this. Not in this way. It’s different when I’m the one drawing attention to myself. But when it’s just… everyone. Everyone I love just freely giving me their love back just…

I don’t really know how to handle it.

But… at the same time…

I’ve never felt so loved. So wanted. And Lan Zhan really is right. It’s not pity. It really really isn’t. And I don’t think I’ve ever… Ever really let myself experience it that way.

Eventually I told them through my stuffed nose that that was enough and that I still needed to breathe please. They all laughed and let me go finally. I didn’t really want them too, but I do also like my friend oxygen.

They all gave me one last squeeze or pat and went off to do their own thing again. Playing games and watching things.

Letting me gather myself back together again.

I looked over at Lan Zhan and told him I’d be back in a minute. I got up to just… I don’t know… take a walk. It was… it wasn’t too much but nearly. But not in an unwelcome way. It was pushing my boundaries, but they were boundaries that needed to be pushed.

I know I deserve love. It’s hard to remember it a lot of the time though and sometimes you have to force feed it to me. And… And it’s good. Great even.

But a bit overwhelming.

I walked through the house idly for a bit. Probably going where guests weren’t supposed to go but whatever.

I must have been gone longer than I thought though because eventually Lan Zhan came to find me. To check on me and make sure I was okay.

“Was it too much?” he asked. I shook my head and said yes at the same time which made him laugh a little.

I shuffled over to him and put my forehead against his chest with a soft sigh.

“It’s not too much,” I said as he obligingly slid his arms around me. “It’s just…. Too much… you know?”

He hummed in understanding and miraculously I think he did understand. Because let’s be real, that was nonsense.

Then he pulled away and took my hand (very gently because they were still raw).

“Follow me,” he said in that rich honey voice of his. (Yes Lan Zhan. I will follow you. I will follow you anywhere. Into the very gates of hell.)

Can you blame me if I laced our hands together? He let me anyway. And didn’t pull away so nyah.

I had no idea where he was taking me but.. Well I’ve said it before that I trust him implicitly. With everything. With my very soul.

Turns out. Nie Huaisang. Has an in home movie theater. Like. A legit movie theater. With those comfy squishy seats and the giant projector and like….

HUAISANG HOW HAVE YOU NEVER TAKEN ME INTO THIS ROOM? APPARENTLY YOU’VE TAKEN LAN ZHAN BECAUSE HE KNEW WHERE EVERYTHING WAS AND SET UP THE PROJECTOR AND POPPED IN A MOVIE AND LIKE FUCK YOU HUAISANG I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. ;3;

Lan Zhan had me sit down while he set everything up, then pulled up the arm rest between us and sat down before just… pulling me to lean against him.

I mean I wasn’t gonna complain. *v*

So we watched a movie together. Honestly… Honestly I couldn’t even tell you what movie it was. His arm was around me, tracing patterns into my shoulder. And he let me hold his hand again. I remember running my thumb up and down the back of his. And the smell of him. And the sound of his heart beat and the feeling of his breath slowly shifting me up and down.

About half way through the movie he shifted though, making me sit up. I looked at him to pout, but stopped because he was very decidedly NOT looking at me.

“I have… something for you…” he said softly. Before I could tell him he, of all people, didn't need to get me anything, especially after all he’s already given me, he pulled a small box out of his pocket.

“I didn’t want to give it to you… in front of everyone.” -after the mistletoe incident- was left unsaid.

I took the box. Trying to let myself accept things. Let myself be loved.

It was just a small blue box with a white cloud-patterned ribbon (that I still have shh. It was cute). I pulled the ribbon and opened the lid of the little blue box to find…

Okay it was small and simple but this.. Perfect earring. It’s just a red stone dangling on a black chain. Small. Simple. Perfect.

I stared at it long enough that I probably made him nervous. Trying to get myself to just say thank you. To just accept it.

Eventually I managed. “... help me put it in?”

My hands were still a bit stiff and fumbly (which sucked because I haven’t been able to paint much lately because of it). But even so it was an excuse for him to touch me more. To feel his hands brushing my neck and jaw. For him to be closer to me.

He obliged me and put it in. I.. Maybe it was just because it was dark, but that sliver of rekindled hope in me really wants to believe that he took his time with it. That he wanted that excuse to touch me too.

Hope is dangerous but…. I can’t help it. I’m hoping.

“Merry Christmas, Wei Ying,” he said softly when he finally pulled away.

I looked over at him and smiled. He smiled back.

“Merry Christmas, Lan Zhan.”

Something… in that moment. I was going to kiss him. There just was no other option. The moment. The hope. The memory. The feel of his skin. It all culminated into one truth.

I was going to kiss him.

Except.

I WAS COCKBLOCKED BY ADORABLE TODDLERS WHO I CAN’T EVEN BE MAD AT BECAUSE THEY’RE ADORABLE.

Apparently when we didn’t come back the kids decided that we got lost. And they snuck out to find us. They were so excited to rescue us that it took them a minute to realize we were in a giant movie room. After that they were about as excited as I was. (What does that say about me? Am I just a giant child?.... Hey wait a minute the only ones who got any gifts were me and the kids. I AM A GIANT CHILD. Fuck . T_T)

Once they got over their initial hyper excitement about the theater, we coaxed them into watching the movie with us. Lan Zhan clicked some magic remote or something and it changed to a more kid-friendly movie. (I don’t understand technology. I never will.)

I texted Shijie that the kids were safe with us in the movie room so she wouldn’t worry and let A-Ling settle onto my lap.

Gotta say. I don’t bet to be his favorite very often. It’s really nice when he’s in an Uncle Xian mood. <3

A-Yuan took his place back on Lan Zhan’s lap. He was much more confident now, just glancing at Lan Zhan to make sure it was okay before he sat on him.

And… Okay I can’t even be mad that they ruined my attempt to kiss Lan Zan because this image. This painfully beautiful domestic scene….

I’ve never wanted kids so badly in my life. Kids. With Lan Zhan. Just… I wanted this. So badly.

I still do. So much I’m almost shaking with it right now.

I want… I want to be a father. With Lan Zhan. I want that for the rest of my life.

And… I knew I loved him. I knew I want to be with him. But this hit differently. This… this was an absolute forever. This was.. This was more than wanting to date Lan Zhan or live with him or… you know… stuff. This was… I want his life to be entangled with mine. To the point that the life is ours. Not his and mine. Ours.

I want that so badly.

Maybe that’s selfish. But it’s what I want.

Time slipped by while I had this little life-changing revelation and before I knew it I was covered in drool. Jin Ling had fallen asleep. And A-Yuan wasn’t far behind him on Lan Zhan’s lap. I caught Lan Zhan’s eye and we smiled.

I wonder… if he was thinking the same things I was. Is that something he’d want? With me?

Maybe, that little flame of hope dares to admit. Maybe.

It could be possible.

After a while Shijie and Wen Ning popped their heads into the room to collect the children. Jin Ling transferred over to his mother like a sack of potatoes but A-Yuan was just not having it.

“Nooooo” he whined, still half asleep and clinging desperately to Lan Zhan. “I wanna stay with Bunny-Gege and Xian-gege. D:”

He made that face too. D: Like you could feel it in your soul that D:.

And we were powerless.

“Would you like to spend the night with us if Granny says it’s okay?” Lan Zhan asked. Oh that sleepy little nod was enough to melt even Madam Yu’s heart I’d bet.

Wen Ning laughed softly and told us he’d check with her to see if she minded. After a few minutes I got a text saying “he’s all yours.”

And that’s how we temporarily adopted Wen Yuan.

DaGe offered to drive us home since we’d walked here and it was a bit too cold for a sleeping 7 year old. We thanked him and let him drive us in the tank he has the nerve to call a truck. How many miles to the gallon must that thing get? 2? Ah well. Put A-Yuan promptly back to sleep anyway so I guess whatever works. We thanked him and wished him a Merry Christmas/Happy New Year and all that jazz and went inside together. We didn’t have anything to really put A-Yuan in so I donated one of my new t-shirts for him to wear as… a nightgown I guess? Whatever it was more comfortable and he didn’t complain.

And then I stole one of Lan Zhan’s shirts to wear so we’d match. Hah.

We all ended up sharing a bed together after Lan Zhan fished out a spare toothbrush for him to brush his teeth with.

A-Yuan in the middle and Lan Zhan’s long arms around the both of us.

I don't think I’ve ever slept better.

#wei wuxian #wei ying #lan wangji #lan zhan #mo dao zu shi #wangxian #fic #Long Post #(Modern AU!)

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elizabeth-234 · 4 years

Text

The Hourglass

Previous Chapter Thirteen: Trust in me

Happy Monday. This completes day thirteen of whumptober: breathe in and breathe out. Enjoy!

Chapter Fourteen: Moments in Time

“Say hello to your new guardians.”

Peter pulled down the sleeves of his shirt and gave a withered glance at Tony who greeted them with a smirk in the lobby of the hospital. He ignored the flip in his stomach. This was a different Tony All that mattered was finding the truth and if he was a bit giddy from escaping the hospital, well, he wasn’t going to complain.

“Hell, Tony. You work fast when you want to.”   

“What can I say,” He said saddling up to them and throwing his arms around each of their shoulders. “I’m the kind of person who can…”  

“Stuff it?” Rhodey added helpfully.

“Fuck off?” Peter said to which Rhodey laughed.

“I can offer my support and guidance to this wrecked youth in need. You imbeciles. It’s not too late to take you back.” He said with a side eye at Peter as Rhodey and him continued to laugh together.

“We have to keep him. I mean he looks so good in the plaid and all.” Rhodey shoved them all so they wobbled over each other’s legs and barely missing the spinning doors. Peter remained squished between them the whole trip to the car. His cheeks hurt from smiling.

Unlike so many years ago they arrived at the apartment with the gloom of impending doom. Though he still had a flash of apprehension, this time was fresh. He almost expected to see the door split in two on the floor and broken kitchen table, but there wasn’t a single scuff mark or dented piece of furniture in sight. Not even the fabric of the couch, less faded green than he remembered, was worn from use.

At the hospital it was difficult to believe the he had time traveled but the apartment it was obvious. The rubber pile in the corner turned out to be a clear inflatable seat with glitter. Behind it was a sturdier, more expensive looking chair pushed into the corner. The influence of Rhodey and Tony and their youth, he assumed, was abundant. He often wondered how long they lived in this space.

They settled around the table Peter had last seen in pieces. He grabbed the cups out of the cupboard to pour water.

“What?” He said as he set them down on the table. They eyed each other before Rhodey spoke.

“How did you know that’s where the cups were?”

Peter looked down at the table clenching his fists in his lap. “Oh, uh, well. That’s just how it was at my house and I assumed the same here. It’s a fairly common cupboard design about 45 percent of people have the cups to the left of the stove.”   

They stared at him and shared another look. Peter watched as Rhodey shrugged.

“Alright.” Tony said clapping his hands to gather them around. “I need to fill you in on the cover story and just make sure everything’s okay with you. This is not an actual kidnapping no matter what my compatriot says.”   

“You thought it sounded cool as well.” Rhodey crossed his arms in front of him.

“Of course, it sounds cooler. Anyway, I want to preface this by saying I can undo any of this if you want. You also don’t have to sign them now, although if someone comes sniffing around it would be better.”

He shifted through the stack of papers laid out on the table and began describing the plan. Tony hadn’t been joking when he mentioned guardians earlier. The guardianship, as far as he could tell from reading through the papers was as legit as his driver’s license. Peter signed his name wondering how legal this all was. Tony was putting the papers away in a matter of minutes.

When he asked how everything wrapped up so quickly Tony said: “I’m rich, kid, and money buys this type of stuff way too easy to be okay with but it does have its advantages. Case in point here.”  

“You were right to be worried. The CPS was looking for you. Along with…”  Someone kicked Peter under the table.

“Ow!”

“Oops that was meant for Rhodey.”  

“Ow, damn Tony.”

The two devolved into bickering from there and Peter never learned what Rhodey was going to say.

The brush moved up and down the wall. It repeated the same motion over and over leaving a trail of evidence on the vertical surface until it dried. He knew what room would be his before they walked him down the hall. There was the bed and dresser but was void of all the decorations that had been hanging when Peter lived there before.

“We’ve just never gotten around to decorating. So, it’s up to you, honestly I couldn’t care less so go all out.”

Peter requested blue paint and bedspread but gave no more direction than that. All three of them dressed in old t-shirts so the painting would go quicker. Peter’s thoughts wandered after the first wall. With every new stroke of paint, he wondered how and if he was changing the future. The possibilities confronted him with every decision no matter the size. He could be changing everything. The time space continuum could be irrevocably destroyed by him eating a bowl of Wheaties in the morning. Not that the apartment was stocked with any healthy cereal.

The worst aspect was the secret voice in his mind that wanted to change everything. He wanted to storm out and never return to the apartment. He longed to stay wrapped up in his new comforter and never leave. He wanted to go see May. Longed to stare at her smile and wrap his arms around him. Would she recognize him somehow in the deepest parts of her? Would their connection transcend time and reality? What was the right choice?

The answer scared him.

The impossibility of the situation was precisely why he was staying inside the apartment as much as he could. This afternoon was paint day.

“Why the long face, Peter?” 

“Go away Tony.”  

“Well, he’s got a point. You look like you wanted to paint it with lavender and we wouldn’t let you. I knew that lilac would’ve been perfect.”   

“Shut it, Rhodey.” He said with a reluctant smile. Tony stepped toward him and with a flick of his wrist, pointed the paint brush at him. Peter wiped his sleeve along his chin.

“Point to you, Honey Bear. I need to step up my game.”  

“What-what do you mean?” Peter dipped his paintbrush into the pot, making sure to wipe one side off before dabbing it into the corner of the wall.

“We’ve got a small bet going to see who can make you smile more. Believe me, kid. It’s harder than it looks. Here I thought I was king of moody but you might take the cake.”

They gave each other high-fives as Peter deadpanned. He should be mad they were betting about him. They were laughing and he agreed, it was ridiculous. Their attempts were absurd and stranger still, it was working. Tony rubbed in the point he won from Peter’s smile. Before he could celebrate Peter jabbed him with the paintbrush staining his shirt with a blue dot. He turned to Rhodey and with some extra strength and a precision throw launched the paintbrush at him.

Both exclaimed and an all-out war ensued.

The room was painted… eventually.

The paint never came out of their clothes.

None of them cared that much.

“Did you hear that our esteemed guest. It’s movie night, although I wouldn’t get too excited because it’s Tony’s turn to pick.

“You guys watch without me, I’m not feeling it.”  

Peter found out within days of living with their younger versions that Tony was right. He was the king of moody and he was wearing the crown tonight. Only with the promise of cookies and popcorn had he emerged from his room wrapped snug in one of his blankets. Tony snatched the cookie tin away from Rhodey and, with crumbs on his mouth, refused to watch any movie his friend suggested.

“But we didn’t celebrate Christmas Tones. Pllleeease.”

“You know I don’t like it.”   

They sat, arms crossed, staring at each other. Peter shifted his weight between them. He was on his way to make popcorn at Rhodey’s request but Tony’s refusal had put a stop to the plans. He risked a glance at Tony who was still staring daggers at his friend.

May and Ben had seen how Peter struggled with the holidays in the beginning years of living with them. While they never forced cheer on him, they created traditions Peter could find a sense of newness in. Instead of baking gingerbread cookies, they cooked pfeffernusse. Rather than hanging stockings, their faux fireplace was lined with t-shirts they decorated and sewed up at the bottom. Sometimes Christmas wasn’t about Christmas as much as it was about just being with people. Peter had an idea. It just so happened to involve a movie he’d watched with them twenty-five years into the future.

“How about we watch some good old classic horror films. House of Dracula?”

The suggestion was unfair in some ways because he knew Tony only watched horror movies during the holidays. Their conversation at the hospital shed some light on the reason why he refused to watch family films at this time of year. Peter decided not to question if this was a previous tradition or if he was the one to introduce it.

Two hours later found Rhodey snoring – heavy breathing, he insisted – on the couch. Peter and Tony carried the empty dishes into the kitchen. Peter began washing and Tony leaned against the island counter, water in hand.

“Hey, Peter?” Tony handed him the glass but didn’t move away from his side.

“Hmm?”  

“How did you know I liked to watch horror movies?” Peter froze for a moment and began scrubbing again. He forced himself to laugh.

“I didn’t. I picked something not Christmassy but still a movie so Rhodey would be happy.”  

Tony hummed. “You’re a strange kid. You know that?”

“So I’ve been told.” He scrubbed harder.

“You know I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Do I? I don’t know you. Not really. I don’t think I ever did.” The frustration was hot on the back of his neck. Peter rinsed the brush and began scrubbing anew. “Why do you watch horror movies at Christmas anyway?”

Tony contemplated his words. Timed slowed in that moment. The water dribbled down his wrist and into the sleeve of his sweatshirt, Tony’s foot tapped against the cabinet, and the snores from Rhodey wafted into the room. Finally, he stopped tapping his foot and turned toward Peter.

“It was something my mom and I did. I, uh, didn’t get along with my dad and used to get scared too easily. We would watch them together to conquer that fear I had. It’s stupid but I just never associated Christmas with Christmas growing up.”  

“It’s not stupid and, if it means anything, I understand. When I lived with my aunt and uncle we never really celebrated in a traditional sense. I’m sorry I snapped.”

Tony shrugged. “It’s nothing I didn’t deserve. I’m trying not to push but I am me so bear with it while I practice.”  

Peter chuckled. Tony had no idea how pushy he was sometimes.

Peter choose the wrong one.

It was such a small detail; one he barely noticed was absent on his second introduction to the apartment. Tony had given him a magazine and instructed him to pick any phone he wanted for the living room. He dropped it on Peter’s desk and hurried off not answering his questions about what happened to the last one. Peter gathered from Rhodey that someone, he wasn’t going to snitch, had thrown it out the window.

Yes, out their multistoried apartment window.

Peter flipped through it and then he’d seen the one. It was so cool complete with clear plastic and these colored innards. The neon fidgets inside would move when you were on the phone convinced him so he’d ordered it without a second thought.

It wasn’t until he awoke in the middle of the night sweat soaked through his shirt that he remembered. He stumbled to the office and rummaged through the papers in hopes of finding the receipt. Of all the times for someone to organize.

Damn it.

The phone in the future wasn’t clear with neon accents. It was a hamburger. The phone was in the shape of a hamburger. Would this food shaped communication device be the difference between life and death?

He didn’t know.

It was his fault.

He backed up into the hallway until his back hit the wall.

Peter barely noticed the shaking of his hands but could feel the pins and needles of each breath he took. His breath stalled and built up the pressure in his chest begging to escape out. His fingers tingled. Peter lost track of time.

“Breathe in and breathe out.”

“We’re here… sitting right beside you, Peter.”

“You are here in our apartment. You are Peter Parker. I’m Rhodey. That’s Tony and we are going to be okay.”  

Peter came back to himself in slow increments. His back was pressed against the wall. There was cramp in his legs from curling them up to his chest. He stiffened and then relaxed. Two bodies were pressed against each of his shoulders. His head was bent up, resting on Rhodey’s shoulder and his hand was tucked into Tony’s palm between their bodies on the floor.

He didn’t remember his mission or how angry he’d been. All he could think about was the fact he might have ruined it all. He might have taken their future away and it was all his fault. What would happen if he ever went back to the future and these solid presences were no more all because he made a mistake?

Rhodey shifted in his sleep. Peter’s head fell more fully on his shoulder. He breathed in the minty scent and some of the anger he dragged back with him from the future chipped off his heart. Did the truth matter from the future when the Tony and Rhodey from here and now were beside him, comforting him?

Peter closed his eyes and slept.

Thank you!

Next Chapter Fifteen: Down Once More

#whumptober 2020 #whumptober2020 #no. 13 #breathe in and breathe out #breathe in #peter parker #rhodey #james rhodes #tony stark #marvel #avengers #spider man #fic #fanfic #ao3 #AU #time travel #avengers AU

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notepadsandtealeaves · 3 years

Text

Dick Grayson x GN!Reader in: A Compromise with Indigo Eyes

12 Days of Batmas || Day 7—Decorating Your Home

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT || 18+ ONLY ||

↞ previous: they never stood a chance || baking cookies

|| ao3 version | 12 days m.list | batboys tag | main blog ||

|| dames day 7 | jay day 7 | tim day 7 ||

“Richard John, we are not leaving our Christmas decorations up year ‘round.”

“But it’d save us so much time! Plus think of the potential for Halloween—instant Nightmare Before Christmas vibes.”

“…You’re making points, but also no.”

But think of the possibilities tho!

↠ Requested By: No one, technically ((but given the fact that I’ve been working on this series since last year I’m sure you’re all ready for me to wrap this ish up lmao)) ↠ Reader Gender: Neutral ↠ Content Type: SFW fluff ((but my blog’s 18+ so if minors want to consume my sfw stuff while still respecting my wishes of them staying out of this space, they can head over to my AO3)) ↠ CWs/TWs: Brief talk of theoretical children; the section is portioned off if you want to avoid it. Just skip over the ‼ and the corresponding bullet points. ↠ Betas? Nah, we don’t do that here. ↠ Total WC: ~1.5k

Annnd, we’re back in business. Will we fare better this time around? I honestly cannot say, but I’m hopeful!

Anyways…

In this installment I mostly focus on decorating for Christmas since that’s the holiday I personally celebrate. But if you go in for something different these boys have totally got you, one hundred percent 💖

Headcanon || WC: ~1.1k

🌟 Dick’s a huge fan of winter in general, not least of all because of the holidays.

🌟 As I stated before, Christmas is his favorite holiday of all time, but if that’s not your bag he’s really down for whatever. He just wants to spend this time with you and the rest of his loved ones.

If you celebrate something other than Christmas he’s gonna want to know all about it. Will definitely insist on sitting down and having you tell him all about your holiday of choice and any customs and personal traditions that come along with it. He’ll be so stoked to implement them into your personal celebrations.

If you don’t celebrate anything at all he’ll want to know why. Not in a judge-y, or prying way, he’s just genuinely curious! Given how much he loves just about every holiday, he can’t imagine not celebrating anything at all. Still he’ll respect your decision on matters, as always.

🌟 Regardless of what you do or don’t celebrate, it’s gonna be hard to pull him away from Christmas completely as it’s the holiday he personally grew up celebrating—not that you should want to, I’d think.

Compromise is the word of the day, kiddos, and he certainly has no problems with combining holidays/customs.

It may result in things looking a bit odd to outsiders, but it’ll be your normal, and honestly he really loves it?

Seeing your lives/cultures/backgrounds intertwined in a way that’s specific to you as a couple/family just leaves his heart feeling so damn full that he may legit burst this time, lol…

Now if you don’t celebrate at all, things will get a bit tricky because this is his favorite holiday. He’s gonna want to decorate at least a little, and you’re gonna be subjected to his terribly hummed renditions of various holiday classics (or mans can’t hold a note, sorry, lmfao), but he won’t go any further than that if it makes you uncomfortable.

But if even that much bothers you expect to have a long talk about things. He can’t stand the thought of his baby hurting in any capacity, and clearly there’s trauma there. He’s gonna want to get to the root of that thing one way or another, so if you don’t feel comfortable talking to him about it he’s gonna insist that you talk to someone—be it another loved one or a professional.

He’s not trying to be pushy, but Dick is v. much a fixer. He understands that nothing heals overnight, but so long as you’re working towards that end he’ll be happy.

🌟 Anyways!

🌟 Decorating is always a given with this man.

Tbh he probably started trying to decorate things right after Thanksgiving lmao.

Will legit do it at the start of the month, if you’re down. Yes, your house will totally be that one spot that goes from “Spooky Scary Skeletons” to “Jingle Bell Rock” in less than 24 hours, just like a gd supermarket lol.

He’s so the one to have a Christmas tree in damn near every room if you let him. He realizes how excessive this is, but… Look. He just really loves the aesthetic, okay?

And he’s got all these ideas for themes, and ornaments were on sale so really he’s saving you money by buying them now, and since you have them you might as well use them, yeah? Otherwise you’re wasting money and that’s never a good thing, esp. during the holiday season!

🌟 He’s… not exactly indecisive about themes, but rather he’s super enthusiastic about them.

If you do let him place multiple Christmas trees throughout your home he’s more than likely gonna want them each to have their own vibe.

Themed rooms? Themed rooms.

You’ll have A Charlie Brown Christmas type beat in the foyer (complete with that sad lil struggle tree lol), a more classic aesthetic in the living room, a ‘Silver Bells’ theme for the dining room, etc.

If you force him to pick, however, he’s definitely gonna go with something a bit more modern. Definitely likes his trends, so whatever’s hot that holiday season will probably be what he’ll go for (unless he’s feeling nostalgic in which case he’ll go with something a bit more traditional).

🌟 The general vibe is kinda lit, ngl.

He’s armed with several Spotify playlists (only one of which is holiday themed) and he’s not afraid to use them lol.

It’s probably gonna take you a few days to get through with everything because you’ll spend more time dancing/cuddling/making-out than you will actually decorating.

What? It’s not his fault you look so damn good with stray bits of tinsel and faux snow stuck to you. (He’s a hands-y mf, but we been knew.)

🌟 He doesn’t really have a go-to aesthetic as he finds something to love in just about any theme. This can lead to a rather hodgepodge result unless you step in and make him settle on something.

Tho it should also be said that he’s a sucker for homemade decorations. Quality doesn’t matter to him at all. You made it so it’s automatically ✨~wonderful~✨

‼ And omg—if y’all have kids. Bruh.

Look me in the eye and tell me that he won’t dedicate a whole ass tree to just the ornaments your kids make, I dare you.

Makes such a huge deal out of it too. World’s best hype-dad, he’ll gas the kids all the way up when they come home wielding a crudely cut out generic holiday bell. He’ll hold it up Lion King style and sing out a litany of praises, totally not caring that he’s getting glitter all over his hands (and the rest of the house, god help you all lmao).

He’ll call you over so that you can see what your amazingly talented baby has made before scooping the kid up so that they can place their creation on the tree.

Uggghhhh. Having a family with this nerd would be so fucking adorable, I cannot…

((and so the soft simpin’ continues lmfao))

🌟 In a similar vein, if you have family heirlooms that you want to put up, please do!

He’s gonna ask you all about them and what they mean to you, both personally and as they relate to your customs if applicable.

🌟 Overall decorating with Dick is really fun, if a bit… low-key chaotic. Honestly he lives for stuff like this. Making your space just that little bit more shared and homey? *chef’s kiss*

A Compromise with Indigo Eyes || WC: ~400

“So in conclusion, having a Christmas tree in every room will increase my happiness and productivity levels by at least tenfold. Now that I have reached the end of my presentation I will be taking questions. Yes, you, the lovely creature down front—you look as if you have a question.”

You have several questions, in fact, and nearly all of them are some variation of why, with a few when’s and how’s sprinkled in for flavor.

You look from Dick to the gaudily decorated slide that’s currently displayed on your TV’s screen, and back again with an expression that leaves him snickering. You’re able to hold your composure for all of two seconds before you too give over to your mirth.

“Yes! I got you to smiling, so that’s half the battle won.”

Well, he’s not wrong, but still—“Babe, that is… a lot. I know you love decorating, but the cleanup–”

“If you’d ju–”

“Richard John, we are not leaving our Christmas decorations up year ‘round.”

“But it’d save us so much time! Plus think of the potential for Halloween—instant Nightmare Before Christmas vibes.”

“…You’re making points, but also no.”

He gives you The Look then—the one that sees his pretty eyes fluttering and his full lips pulling off into a sad, near quivering little moue—but years of being on the receiving end of that potent pout has allowed you to build up an immunity. Sort of. You won’t be giving in to the whole of his ridiculous requests (dope though the Nightmare bit may be), but the trees…

He knows he’s going to get his way when you open your arms to him with a sigh, though it’d be foolish of him to think there won’t be a negotiation phase. Even so he’s all smiles when he comes to flop on top of you to talk terms. It takes longer than you’d like to convince him that having a tree in the kitchen area would be redundant given your home’s open concept layout, and the better part of an hour after that to nail down a theme, but the warmth that blooms in your chest as you go back and forth on color palettes—the same one that syrups through the indigo eyes that stare back at you—makes it all worth it.

🌟 Day 8: Movie Nights with the (Bat)Boys™, Pt. 1 || Watching Holiday Specials

Movie nights are an all-day event with him, ngl.

Mans will legit take off of work and beg out of his nightly duties as well if that’s what it takes to get your schedules to sync up.

Some people might say that he’s doing the most, but those people would be wrong and should really mind their own business, tbh.

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© notepadsandtealeaves, 2021 || Please do not repost, translate, or otherwise alter or distribute my works without my express permission. And for the love of god keep it away from Youtube and TikTok lol…

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