#anyway. i think i've rambled enough to no one in particular lol

[valiant-portabella-pirkko]

fun fact: I actually have not 1, not 2, but 3 dedicated playlists of OST-style music for my various Guild Wars 2 AUs, and... that, of all ways, is the closest I get to "outlining" my stories. every sequence has a dedicated track that I picked out according to what I'd imagine playing in-game if it was an actual playable story arc in Guild Wars 2.

Regrowth's playlist has 59 songs and Flourish has 28.

then the Tideturners have one too, with a grand total of 22.

......... I don't have a problem,

[lululawrence]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

HIIIII omg I love whoever started this going around so much and THANK YOU for sending this to me!!! I also got this from @haztobegood and @allwaswell16 so thank you to ALL OF YOU really! I love love love this kinda thing and hope I haven't missed all of your lists... i'll have to be sure to look for those here soon hehe

Anyway, in no particular order, here are my fav fics I've written... (I think... lol favorites are HARD):

I'm Praying (that you don't burn out or fade away) - This was my big bang for this year and man it was a JOURNEY to write. I first came up with the idea as almost a crack fic idea back when I first was listening to Satellite... you know... when it was first released. lol I just didn't have the time or energy or anything to write it but I held onto the idea for ages and had it mostly brainstormed and everything! And then the time came to write it and... I couldn't find my notes. Anywhere. No idea what happened to the fic idea or my ramblings about it so I just did what I could with recreating it from memory and I still didn't know where or how or when it would end exactly, I just knew their journey would be over when it was over, and they spoke to me. When their story was done, I knew. And I am still so fucking proud of how it turned out and @moon-sun-thyme made the most incredible and gorgeous art for it, truly. Just. Probably gonna forever be one of my favorite fics I've ever written.

What I Have With You (I don't want with anyone else) - ohhhhhhh THIS FIC OKAY. It's my aspec alpha babies fic. I wrote it as a collaboration with @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed for @1dreversebang a few years ago now and it is still so special to me. I got to really delve into the aspec identities by embodying both Louis and Harry with one of those identities (aro Harry, ace Louis) and then added some non-traditional omegaverse dynamics (alpha/alpha) AND one of my all time favorite tropes, FAKE DATING! It was also a journey to write this fic and I worked so hard to make sure I really felt like I was doing justice to our identities and trying to give good and valid and understandable representation to them, and I really think I was able to achieve that. Some of the comments have been the most thoughtful and humbling and just beautiful I've ever gotten as well, which is just the cherry on top, right? So yeah, this baby defo gets to be on this list for sure hehe

You Don't Care About Me (One More Night) - This fic is one of those instances where you write what you want to read, you know what I mean? I had been craving a fic like this one, and I'd read some similar ones but I wanted MORE. The more I thought about it, the more the idea shaped up, and before I knew it I had (I wish I was joking) something like SIX PAGES of brainstorming with the timing laid out and what would happen when to make sure it was slow burn enough but also character development at the right pace and also just... everything I wanted, you know? I've never outlined a fic to that level before and I probably never will again, but after outlining it like that, I then went and wrote this fic, which was the longest fic I'd ever written to that point, in less than a month. It just flowed from me every time I sat down at my computer. It turned out exactly as I had hoped, and it is one of the few fics of mine that I have gone back to read repeatedly. I've not actually read it all the way through repeatedly, there's usually just bits and pieces I'm craving at the moment, but that's still far more than I generally do with my own fics. So I'll take it hehe

a moon, a rainbow, and a carnation - Okay okay okay, there's a lot about this one that makes this one something I'm super proud of, even though it feels ridiculous because it was a fic I wrote for this year's @wordplayfics, but there's a lot of reasons why I really am proud of it lol For one, I'm still new to writing Oscar and Pedro, and I love them SO much but I've only written them in one fic previously (and it isn't even out yet lololol) but!!! Its only the second fic I've ever written with a decent amount of Spanish in it. The lovely @nouies has been so kind as to cheerlead me about the pairings as well as help me with the Spanish, and we have had SO much fun omg. She helped me SO MUCH with this fic, and I so appreciate it and am so happy with how it was able to turn out because of her help! I also tried a new footnotes thing with the translations that turned out to work even better than I anticipated, and that just makes it even better, right? So yeah. I'm proud of it because I did all of that AND ALL WITHIN A WEEK. YASSSS

'Cause What I Want Came True - Okay so once again this one is one that Lou indulged me on because who doesn't love Diego Luna, hmm? lol but I was struggling with Wordplay again and suddenly I came upon a few quotes and an entire soft and hazy idea presented itself that I just HAD to write. It is almost semi-stream of consciousness while also not being quite that way, and I just really REALLY love how it turned out. I've actually already gone back and reread this one and the previous one on this list since publishing, and they've only been out for a week or two at this point. That's impressive and very rare for me. So yeah, quite proud.

I am missing some others that I would probably say are favorites, but you did limit me to five. lololol and These were the five I thought of off the top of my head haha so they will do for now hehe THANK YOU SO MUCH for asking and letting me ramble about my fics for a little bit!! sorry this got so looooong....

[ghostxrose]

Taking Over Me | Aizawa Shota x Reader

Part One | Part Two | Part Three |

Summary ~ You have been doing this job for a very long time. Maybe since the dawn of time, but who knows? In all of that time, you never had a doubt or question about the way things were. That is, until now.. because you’re pretty sure that Protectors aren’t supposed to fall in love with those that they’re protecting.

Tags/Warnings ~ Fem!Guardian Angel!Reader, canon typical violence, character injury, angst, hurt, comfort, fluff, medium-slow burn because Shota is bad at feelings, more tags to come as the story develops..

Note ~ Hey, Lovelies! This is something that I've been working on for awhile, and am excited to share with you all! The idea was actually derived from a concept I had for an Original Story that I had started writing a long time ago! There's just something about characters falling in love with ethereal beings and vice versa that I love so much, lol! Anyway, enough of my rambles, enjoy the read, My Lovelies!

Your kind has many names amongst the humans; Protector, Keeper, Champion, Lifesaver, Watcher, Divine Messenger, Guardian Angel, Guardian Spirit, and so on. In the many millennia you’ve existed, you’ve never had a preferred title, just settled on the most accurate term; Protector. Label or not, you simply exist and you have one job. Something that you instinctively and unconsciously perform, no matter who you’re paired with. Your only job is to steer someone away from life-threatening danger. However, it is up to the person to either acknowledge your signs or ignore them.

You’ve never questioned why you exist, why you’ve been given your role, or who was in charge of all of this. You don’t even remember how you came to exist if you were being honest. But from time to time, you do think about some peculiarities you’ve encountered over the thousands of years you’ve been doing this. One of the peculiarities you find to be more.. odd, for lack of a better word, is that of the billions of souls swimming around out there in the universe you’ve experienced repeated pairings with one of them. Though, once again, you don’t ask questions, you just do your job.

Over the last 500 years, you’ve watched over just under a hundred different souls, and that number has only been so low because you keep getting paired with one soul in particular. He’s had a different name each lifetime that he’s lived through, and his appearance changes with each new life. But you can always recognize his soul; the colors of it, the shape of it, the feelings ebbing from it, and.. the way it pulls at yours unlike any other soul has. In this new life, he has dark hair, dark eyes, and pale skin, and goes by the name Shota Aizawa.

The world that he has been born into this time intrigues you. It seems as though most humans, including Shota, are born with powers of all kinds. It fascinates and challenges you in the sense that these “Quirk-powered” humans will make your job of protecting Shota a bit harder. But despite being paired with his soul again and the impending challenge, you silently vow to do your job as best you can. Shota certainly doesn’t make things easier for you when he decides to attend a high school that helps the youth to become Heroes. You stay by his side, though, unseen to the human eye as you watch him work to become a Hero.

~~~~~~~~~~

Let it be said that while your sole purpose is to protect those you’re paired with doesn’t mean that you are some unfeeling being. Countless times have you wished so desperately that you could provide comfort to the humans you protect. Moments when they’re overwhelmed, devastated, or grief-stricken, and all you can do is watch them break apart emotionally. Sometimes, most times, it feels like their pain is your pain. Unfortunately, now is one of those times…

You’re standing beside Shota as he looks down at a pile of rubble that has crushed one of his friends. He’s clutching his bleeding arm with a devastated and traumatized look on his face. As if by reflex, you reach out to put a hand on his shoulder, but your hand phases right through him. You whisper an apology to him even though he can’t hear it, and look at the being across from you. The ethereal glow of their body flickers and dims sporadically as they gaze down at the rubble. It’s hard for you to see the look of deep sadness and guilt on a fellow Protector’s face, especially one you’ve come to know fairly well. They look up at you and the disappointment they feel in themselves is practically palpable.

“You did well… His will to save those children just happened to be stronger than his will to pay attention to your signs… You did all that you could…” You say to them in reassurance, the ethereal echo of your voice holding a certainty to it.

“Thank you…” They say before vanishing into thin air, likely pulled to the next soul they’ll be protecting.

You look back to Shota and wish that he didn’t have to experience such pain so early on in his life. A heavy feeling weighs over you as you follow him to the ambulance that he’s being led to by paramedics. You give silent nods of acknowledgment to other Protectors when you cross their paths. You try your best to offer reassurance to dejected-looking Protectors whenever you notice them lingering. When the day is over, and Shota is curled up on a bed trying to deal with his emotions, you almost dread what the future may hold for this lifetime.

~~~~~~~~~~

Years pass by, and you watch Shota shape into an amazing Hero and person. You feel some relief when Shota accepts a teaching position at the same school he graduated from. You hope that maybe he would mostly stay out of trouble being a teacher versus being a Hero full-time. It wouldn’t be a lie to say that this lifetime has been really making you put in the work toward keeping Shota safe.

School year after school year, you watch Shota intimidate his students and make drastic decisions geared toward helping them realize the path they’ve chosen to pursue. It can be said that his methods are harsh, but you know that he is just trying to help them understand the realities of becoming a Hero. Oftentimes, you think back to the day he lost his friend, and it feels as though you are the only one to see his reasoning.

The day you walk into the classroom for Class 1-A behind Shota, you are interested in what he has planned for this new group of students. The year prior he expelled his entire class, which had even thrown you off a bit. As he gives his introduction, you scan the small sea of students and their Protectors. Most of the Protectors appear neutral, almost laid back for the moment, but a few catch your attention.

The Protector standing near a boy with a scar on his face seems to be wilted, their helplessness almost making their ethereal glow dim to nothing. The Protector to the left of a boy with green hair appears to be harshly glaring at the blonde boy in front of the green-haired child. Meanwhile, the spiky-haired blonde boy’s Protector seems to be exhausted, and from the aura the boy gives off, you wonder if the exhaustion is from protecting him or just observing him. Lastly, the Protector standing near the blonde boy seated closest to the door is rather.. shifty, like they’re nervous. Their gaze keeps darting around the room to look at the other Protectors, then back down to the boy they are paired with.

You understand that as children, none of the students really pose any threat to Shota, but you find that it’s still best to be on higher alert if a human’s Protector is acting strangely. Especially in this lifetime and with all of the many Quirks you’ve seen from being by Shota’s side. You’d much rather err on the side of caution than ignore a potential threat.

By the end of the first day, you’re quite surprised that Shota only expelled one student this year. The short boy seemed quite upset when he learned of his expulsion, but his Protector seemed to have slumped with relief. It made you wonder just what that Protector had observed of the boy throughout his life. Regardless, seeing the posture of the Protectors near each of the female students ease at the news of the boy’s expulsion was enough for you to agree with Shota’s decision.

The second day doesn’t go as smoothly as you or Shota had hoped. Shota wasn’t in any danger, thankfully, he just slept peacefully in the teacher’s lounge while a Hero called All Might took over the class. When Shota was awoken by his phone ringing, it was Recovery Girl informing him that one of his students was very injured during the battle training All Might was supervising. You could practically feel Shota’s worry and anger as you followed behind him as he made his way to the infirmary.

After watching Shota give All Might a stern talking-to for letting the students go that far during training, you followed him back to his classroom. You listened idly by as he announced that he would be taking the class on a trip to a facility called the USJ in a couple of days. Most of the students cheered and voiced their excitement over going on a field trip, but Shota was quick to quiet them. He made it clear to the class that it wasn’t going to be a leisurely trip, but another means of Hero training. With most of the class deflated down into more of a serious state, he dismissed them for the day.

~~~~~~~~~~

The day of the trip arrives without much fanfare, and you stay dutifully by Shota’s side as he leans back against the seat of the bus and naps. Vehicles such as buses were always an interesting environment to be in as a Protector. Looking over your shoulder at the rows of seated students, you see each of their Protectors lining the middle aisle. While your kind doesn’t really exist on the same plane of existence as humans, your ethereal bodies are comparable to what humans call ghosts, you still prefer not to be phasing in and out of a human body.

As the bus slows to a stop, Shota awakens and stands to face the class. He tells them to be on their best behavior and to focus on learning all that they can today. You make your way off of the bus with Shota leading the way and his students following behind. You and Shota walk up to the doors of the USJ, joining up with another Hero dressed in a spacesuit.

The spacesuit Hero, Thirteen, cheerfully greets the students and then begins explaining the purpose of the USJ. They get serious while explaining that there are a lot of dangerous Quirks out in the world that have the potential to be deadly before showing and explaining their own Quirk. Your gaze sweeps over the students, and you find that most of their Protectors are absentmindedly nodding and checking to see if their humans understand the warning being given.

Soon enough, Thirteen pushes the doors to the USJ open, leading Shota and his students into the facility. The students audibly marvel at the inside of the USJ and its different disaster zones. Thirteen gets into explaining what the different zones are and the unique difficulties that come with each zone. When they finish, they look to Shota and he nods at them before beginning to tell the students who would be in which zone. Shota gets interrupted by a red-haired student, their Protector pointing to something behind you and Shota. When you turn around to see what the Protector is pointing at, your intuition and protective instincts flare to max levels.

A massive portal has opened up down in the center plaza of the USJ and sketchy-looking humans have begun pouring out. You hear Shota identify them as villains and you gear yourself up for the fighting he will inevitably engage in. As expected, Shota yells for the students to stay with Thirteen and rushes into battle. You follow closely behind him, confident in his fighting abilities and quick reflexes.. But, you know that even if he isn’t aware of your existence or the parameters of your job, he does rely on you to watch his back.

Being a Hero’s Protector is no easy feat since villains have their own Protectors. Your kind have a job to do, no matter the human you are paired with. A villain’s Protector will protect them just as fiercely as a Hero’s. That said, since being Shota’s Protector in this lifetime, you’ve worked harder to become faster at alerting Shota to danger. More often than not, you can get Shota’s attention and help him to strike before a villain’s Protector can warn them.

As Shota is taking down villain after villain, you take a brief moment to look toward three unmoving villains. The one with multiple severed hands clutching his body scratches at his neck wildly as his Protector stands near him. You notice something strange about the other two near the Hand Villain, though.. While they both seem to be alive, neither of them has a Protector within sight. It’s unusual for your kind to stray very far from the human they are paired with, so not seeing a Protector right next to either villain is very abnormal.

In your momentary distraction, Shota takes down two more thugs and is rushed by the Hand Villain. Disappointment, in yourself, floods you as you watch Shota blink and his Quirk deactivate. The Hand Villain monologues as the spot where his hand is on Shota’s elbow begins to crack and flake away until the muscle underneath is showing. Shota reactivates his Quirk and breaks away from the Hand Villain, but his groans of pain echo in your mind. Berating yourself for being so careless, you stick closer to his side as more low-level thugs surround him.

The Hand Villain continues his annoying chatter as Shota, tired and worn out as he is, fights off the thugs using his good arm. His elbow looks bad, and you feel like you’ve failed him. You work harder to give him every sign and warning possible to take down the thugs relentlessly rushing him. Difficult as it is with one arm, Shota succeeds and turns to face the Hand Villain, putting you both back to back. Horror fills you along with the urgent and intense need to warn Shota, but with the state he’s in, he misses sign after sign that you send his way. He doesn’t notice the hulking beast behind him until the Hand Villain says something.

Despair like nothing you’ve ever felt before fills you as you watch the monstrous creature beat Shota down like he’s nothing but a small bug under someone’s boot. You scream, but the echoing ethereal sound only catches the attention of other Protectors around you. You flinch every time you hear the snapping of bone and cry of pain. The ethereal glow of your body dims from the feeling of failure filling you, and when the merciless creature slams Shota’s face into the ground you think only one thought…

‘Shota is going to die today…’

Falling to your knees next to Shota, you’re gaze is too focused on the growing puddle of blood on the ground to realize that the monster leaves Shota to defend the Hand Villain. Apologies spill from your lips over and over again as you continue looking at his limp and broken form. You can feel that he is dying and for some reason, it causes you immense pain. It’s a pain unlike anything you’ve ever felt before with any other soul, or during any of his other lifetimes. Everything else going on near or around you becomes irrelevant as you place a hand on Shota’s head, your touch light enough to not phase through him.

You startle when you feel the touch of a hand on each of your shoulders and looking up, you find a Protector on either side of you. You also notice that three of Shota’s students, the green-haired boy, the girl with the frog Quirk, and the boy with the tape Quirk, are carefully lifting him. The three students’ Protectors help you up off of your knees and walk with you when the students start moving toward the entrance of the USJ.

“Fret not, he may still have a chance…”

“You did all that you could…”

“His will was to protect those students, and you helped him achieve that…”

The echoing ethereal tones of the three Protectors walking with you fill your ears, but you find it difficult to take comfort in their words. Words that you’ve said to so many others before. Words that you’ve found comfort within before when you were feeling far less pain than you are right now. You can’t find it in yourself to respond to the other Protectors, so you just continue to walk in solemn silence.

At some point, the green-haired boy and his Protector break away to head back to the fight, leaving the other two students to carry Shota to the entrance. When they finally get up the steps and rejoin the small group of other students, they carefully lay Shota’s body down next to Thirteen who also seems to be injured greatly. You gaze down at Shota numbly, unable to comprehend why you feel so.. broken.

“What the hell is going on..?”

You startle as a sudden presence from beside you speaks. Recognizing the voice, your head whips to the side in complete shock. Standing there right next to you is Shota, looking far more translucent than he usually does. You just stare at him in shock and disbelief, your mouth agape and eyes blinking owlishly.

“Who the hell are you? Is this some kind of Quirk? Are you one of the villains?” Shota asks, his tone is demanding and quite confused, not that you blame him.

“Y-you.. you can see me?…” You ask, disbelief and confusion coloring your ethereal voice. Now, at this moment, in this lifetime, you have so many questions as you also wonder what the hell is going on.

“Uhm.. yeah. I can see you.” Shota says with uncharacteristic uncertainty. Apparently deeming you non-threatening, his posture deflates into resignation as his gaze sweeps across his students, “So.. are you here to take me wherever it is dead people go?”

Sadness creeps back into you and you look back down at his broken body, shaking your head, “No, I.. I only protect… Escorting the dead is not part of the job…”

“Protect?” Shota questions quietly as he looks back at you. “What, like a.. Guardian Angel?” The skeptical tone in Shota’s voice makes the corners of your mouth tick up ever so slightly because even though he is quite literally dying, of course, he is trying to be rational right now.

You meet his eyes with a slightly amused look in yours, “You humans have many names for my kind, ‘Guardian Angel’ is one of them… Many are like me; uncaring of what we are called, just here to do our job…”

Shota still looks skeptical, but he nods his head, “Does this normally happen when a person dies? We get to meet our.. Guardian Angels before we move onto whatever afterlife is out there?”

You shake your head and look back down at his body, “This has never happened to me before… We are not meant to be seen by humans, dead or alive.. and technically, you are not dead… Your body is struggling, but you are still alive…”

You pause for a moment as the weight of your failure falls back over your shoulders, almost tenfold. You speak again before Shota has the chance, your tone heavy with sadness, “I am so sorry, Shota… I should have done more to keep you safe… It is my fault that you are in this position… I failed you…”

Silence hangs between you both as you watch paramedics move Shota’s body onto a stretcher. They spend a few moments wrapping his injuries with makeshift bandages and attaching various equipment to him. When they begin moving him to an ambulance, you step forward to follow but are stopped when you feel a warm hand on your shoulder. It’s different than the cold feeling of another Protector’s touch and stops you in your tracks. You turn slightly, your wide eyes meeting Shota’s uncharacteristically soft ones.

“You.. I’d like to think that you did your best to protect me, and whatever happens to me.. just know that I don’t blame you.” Shota’s gentle tone catches you off guard and also strikes something deep within you. The most you can muster is a shaky nod before you both begin to head for the ambulance his body was taken to.

Divider Credit ~ @cafekitsune

[bestworstcase]

Okay, sorry in advance for the consecutive asks (I'm the anon who asked abour Theo and the GoL) it's just it's been ages since I've seen fresh, thoughtful takes on the show in the RWBY FNDM shsjsksksjsj and your metas are scratching a particular corner of my brain lol. My one other question is what would be the state of the world when all is said and done with GoL's ascension and the Ozlem reconciliation? And what would be the fates of characters like Ruby, Summer, Cinder, and the other Maidens?

i enjoy being encouraged to ramble :P

anyway, i think the ending after the climactic resolution is always the most difficult to part of a story to anticipate in anything but the broadest strokes. generally, my thinking here is informed by a few key tenets of my reading of the story so far:

i think the grimm do have souls, and that being grimm is not what's wrong with salem or a problem that must be solved

i do not think any currently dead characters will be brought back to life, but we may see one or more of them return to a new life

i think remnant's cycle of life and death will settle into a form of reincarnation that is like ascension but not the same (transcendence)

i do not think that salem, cinder, or ozma will die by the end of the story, but i am unsure about summer rose

i think that the huntsmen academies are a failed institution that will have no place in the world anymore, but that the identity of a "huntress" or "huntsmen" can be reclaimed and changed into something better

i think the story is building to a positive ending that refutes the idea of "happily ever after;" it will feel like a hopeful new beginning.

specifically on that last point, ozpin's afterward in fairytales of remnant tells us what kind of ending we should expect:

No one is guaranteed a happy ending, but the tales told about Remnant and its people do hold a bittersweet promise: who we are and what we do are important enough to be remembered and shared. We exist. Our existence means something. Stories will survive longer than all of us, but through them, we may continue on. So, rather than “And they lived happily ever after,” I favor a more honest and hopeful closing: And they lived.

in terms of what impact the god of light ascending might have (aside from the obvious of removing the existential threat he poses to remnant), i don't think there will be any. this world—remnant—is not the world he and his brother created, and hasn't been for quite some time. the god of light only mattered at all because ozma believed he did.

(this relates to why i think it will be easy to beat him, in the end. remnant is not his world; he did not create these humans, and he has no real power over them. it matters—i think more than symbolically—that his promised day of judgment needs to begin with humans inviting him to come back to adjudicate.)

so, remnant will change because its people decide to change it. how?

if i am right about the grimm being a kind of people, the story cannot end in their destruction and the huntsmen academies must be reckoned with as an institution of war, not protection. the resolution that i find most likely is that grimm will still present a danger, but with the explicit possibility of peaceful coexistence between humans and grimm. 

the huntsmen academies as they were do not belong in a world where humans, faunus, and grimm can live in harmony. but lasting peace doesn't happen overnight, and as ozma is learning in the aftermath of the great war, it isn't enough to sign a treaty and then sweep every new conflict under the rug. it takes real cooperation and hard work and trust and honesty. 

i think this is what huntsmen and huntresses will become after this war is over: mediators between humans and grimm. the bridge, not the bulwark.

and this is why i don't think salem will die at the end of her story. the grimm need someone who will advocate for them, and humans need guidance in navigating peace with their ancient enemies. salem has already begun to do this in a limited way—she taught cinder and summer how to communicate with grimm. and if i'm right about her historical identification with the faunus, she may have already done this once before, long ago. 

so,

i think salem and ozma will both get what they've always wanted: ozma's curse will be broken and her exile ended, and they can come together again. salem will be more involved in the effort to rebuild and renew, partly to atone for her violent destruction of the old order but mostly because she wants to build a new world. whereas i think ozma will let go and take a step back to focus on his own healing and figuring out what he wants to be and who he really is without the weight of the world on his shoulders.

cinder, i think will end the story at a point where she has found peace with salem and made peace with her past through that reconciliation, and is ready to close this chapter of her life and open a new one. she can't stay in salem's shadow forever; she needs to leave the nest and find herself. my feeling is that cinder's arc will probably have the most open-ended resolution out of the core cast, although i do think that she will keep the arm and (unlike a lot of cinder fans!) i'm not convinced she'll leave to go on a journey. 

her anger is righteous, even though her indiscriminate violence is not, and i don't think cinder will relinquish that anger as part of her villain -> hero arc—because she doesn't need to. instead, she'll find hope and hope will transform her anger into a driving constructive force. in the end, i think cinder will be VERY KEEN to have her say in what the world will be; what makes her evil now becomes what inspires her to be good.

summer… it depends a lot on who summer rose is now, after fourteen years with salem. i've seen the sentiment that if she is alive, she will have to die in the end because her absence and ruby's grief are so central to the story that it would undercut the story's theme for her to be "given back," but i do not agree with that at all. summer being alive now doesn't change the fact of her absence or the pain she left behind—just recontextualizes it. her heroic death is revealed as a profound betrayal. she left to join salem. 

will ruby or yang even want her back, once they know that? can they forgive her? does it matter why she did it? what happens if ruby wants to reconcile with her but yang does not—or vice versa? how does summer feel, as their mother and as their adversary? what about her relationship with cinder, whom she may well have known for longer than she knew her own children?

i think it might go either way, but i err on the side of thinking that summer will live and be on civil terms with her children and teammates but not reintegrated as part of the family. given her experience as a former huntress and salem's general, she might become a teacher or otherwise be a part of establishing peace between grimm and humans. 

ruby, i think, is probably not going to know what to do with herself after they actually somehow did the impossible and saved the world. figuring that out is half of what ruby/oscar is for but i doubt she'll really grasp that there is an "after the war" at all until it hits her. and then what? i think, out of all the characters in this story, she and oscar are the ones who are most likely to just leave for a while. they're the youngest, and they're "special" in ways that multiply the weight on their shoulders (silver-eyed and ozpin's heir). moreover, ruby enjoyed the trip across anima and has expressed a desire to go exploring several times; likewise, oscar wanted to see more of the world than his farm but has so far been prevented from doing so on his own terms.  so i think they might set out on a journey just for the sake of it.

winter, raven, and obviously cinder are the endgame maidens. i am pretty confident about that. 

also, this might be going against the grain—i don't know—but i don't think the maiden cycle is going to change in any significant way. i also don't think ancient magic will "come back" or the maidens will cease to be or anything like that. the idea that the maidens are innately harmful or burdensome is silly; the problem is the dehumanizing system ozpin built to control the maidens, and that will be dismantled. then they can just… exist for themselves.

i think weiss is going to return to solitas and rebuild mantle—not atlas, mantle. obviously not by herself, but she is taking the loss of her home very hard and her guiding motivation has always been a determination to define herself apart from her father and redeem her family's name and legacy. math.

similarly, it seems pretty open and shut that the bees will get what they wanted from the beginning: blake comes into her own as an advocate for the faunus and bridge between cultures, specifically in a manner that involves a lot of traveling with yang. her fierce ambition and focus answers yang's lack of ambition (and complete comfort with being a supporter and cheerleader for her loved ones) in a very complementary way. again, math.

i think the ending i'm most curious and uncertain about right now is jaune's. what they did with him in V9 was really interesting and very specific, and also took a turn in a direction that has been making me go hmm in the back of my mind periodically. i wish he'd been in the second rwby x jl movie even just for one scene so that i could have a sense for where he's at emotionally in vacuo. 

he's important for the ozlem reconciliation and narratively intertwined with cinder in a way that almost but doesn't quite feel like the set up for an enemies-to-lovers romantic arc and the weiss/jaune flirtation in V9 is followed by what seem to me to be clear narrative signals against that pairing too. weiss, jaune, and cinder all repeat salem and it's striking to me that all of them refract the tower in similar ways: weiss is her own knight-in-shining-armor, jaune wants to be "the hero," and cinder fights her way out alone in pure desperations. 

possibly there is a point being made here about what the hero tells the girl at the end of 'the girl in the tower': "all you needed was a little help, but in the end you freed yourself." even in the fairytale that is not really true and i think there is perhaps a thin line between giving salem agency and misrepresenting the tower as something she did not, in fact, need saving from—and thence ozpin's rather bizarre insinuation in commentary that the girl might have been an evil manipulator all along.

and then we have cinder (the abused child who truly did free herself, alone) trying to kill weiss (the abused child who, like salem, had agency in her own escape but needed serious help to achieve it) to hurt jaune (the "damsel in distress" who dreams of being his own hero). and in V9 jaune stagnates until he resembles ozpin more than salem and it's weiss who helps him find himself again. it's an interesting suggestion of what might be going on in salem's head, if nothing else.

but there's also jaune's simmering resentment of ozpin and his outburst lashing out at oscar in V6, which makes his corruption in V9 particularly interesting. it's about changing perspective and gaining insight that leads to greater empathy and forgiveness but who for whom? jaune for ozpin certainly, but whether it foreshadows salem coming to understand ozma better or the other way around or both i'm not sure.

i think it will start to clarify quickly enough once we get to V10. a lot depends on where jaune falls emotionally once the dust has settled. the guilt he feels about penny and alyx have risen to the surface and being able to save neo was not nothing but those decades festering haven't just disappeared, and he'll be dealing with this guilt in conjunction with ruby's and winter's and pietro's grief. it's easier to be cynical, but he has his friends again, but he's experienced horrors none of them can fully grasp…

much to think about. 

assuming gillian asturias is a significant player in the vacuo arc, i think she and jaune are going to be narratively linked… somehow. their semblances are mirrored, his lineage of warriors reflects her claim to royal heritage, her absolute devotion to her brother matches his absolute devotion to his friends, she was a prodigy who dropped out and he cheated his way into beacon. there is a lot of really obvious potential for character foils here. 

[bigmeandragonlady]

Finally finished the dossier template, few other things of note:

Pretty handy with a knife as well as the bow.

Can process seafood really quickly

Prefers to be at a REASONABLE height with the sky above her

If you want to know her exact birthday, you'll have to figure it out on your own or hassle her enough

Scars: a small cut on her chin, stab scar on her stomach (she fell out of a tree and impaled herself, okay), inside of her bicep, across the outside of her right wrist to her thumb, palm side of her left thumb

Tattoos: Ket tattoo on the inside of the wrist, floral sleeve on her left arm, anchor + rope + birds on one of her ankles

I kept rambling and found it hard to summarize the relationships so I've expanded under the cut. There are def rumors that she's dating or sleeping with at least half of them

Blade: they get along weirdly well. Recruits in particular are always surprised to find them casually walking together- they find her softer demeanor an odd juxtaposition to how Blade... is. Also! He is fun to tease. thinks how much she'd like to hear him whimper. It's a miracle they don't butt heads more often, considering her beef with authority. He hates when she gets together with Trouble and Chase b/c she joins them in being a group menace.

Romance: I could see it but Blade would have to make the first move and bridge that gap, as she's convinced herself she's not meant for a relationship. One of the biggest issues i would see them having is Blade's protectiveness would make her feel like she was being smothered and coddled at times.

Trouble: They get on like a house on fire. Her first friend in the order and i'm still deciding if they get arrested together or she pulls Trouble away. Very casual with physical affection and he's a personal space heater. Not a lot to say here b/c it's pretty straight forward!

Romance: Absolutely could see it happening but this would involve a third party kicking Trouble in the ass b/c he's dense as a brick. But it could very well fall apart b/c of her whole romantic relationship = bad, thing. She would realize 'i have feelings for him, but he doesn't have any idea yet' and probably distance herself which would cause confusion and hurt for Trouble, he might confide in someone and they just "she has feelings for you, dipshit"

Tallys: A little more complicated- Aelyn bounces and feeds off other ppl's personalities to interact so the cool, calm, detached thing is kind of weird sometimes b/c she's.... not that. It gets better as she eases out of survival mode. Tallys has given her a lot of tips when it comes to archery (flirting, unnecessary touching, ect included), they go on nature walks, and they do talk often.

Romance: Maybe. While they work as friends with benefits... idk if it would go beyond that. Speaking of: Tallys is absolutely the one to break that arrangement off b/c she's the first one to clock Aelyn being in deep for Chase (or just... between tallys and chase, idk how she has any energy). this is how i see it happening anyway, since aelyn is in denial and idk how willing tallys would be to be in the middle of... that. Of course, how these two fwb route interact can absolutely change things

Shery: She loves Shery. Like if she was more comfortable with casual affection Aelyn would give a hug and kiss on the head when they met up. Borderline cute aggression (I could see Aelyn getting drunk, holding onto Shery, saying "you're so adorable, what the fuck"). Shery does a good job of making her feel cared about w/o being coddled. Has loved helping her be a little more assertive

Romance: I think Shery would be too timid to kick things off and that's what Aelyn needs. I would see this being Shery falling and not saying anything.... forever. There's also the "and they were both bottoms" lol.

Riel: They get along but I wouldn't call them good friends? They respect each other but if they had no work related reason to see each other, both would be okay with that. Even if he was romanceable for a fem MC, it would not happen. Man won't even share his food.

Chase: This is hard b/c my brain kind of turns to static when I think about them. But they got on very quickly. Not as quickly as say, Trouble, but when she said 'We're square' she genuinely meant it. she got points right off the bat for tracking him down and busting into the guild solo and not really giving a shit that they're the thieves guild. He gets points for being so easy to get a long with and leading a life that would make him a huge hypocrite for judging her past choices.

Romance: He's her main romance so- It's such a fucking mess and i love mess. Fuck buddies who have caught feelings and are stupid about it b/c they don't want them. They've managed to worm past each others walls on accident and it's going to get worse before it gets better. At this point in the game, the thought of losing him or even turning down the dial on whatever they have going on is devastating, which scares her. Honestly, just how relationship avoidant I make her ultimately depends on how the torpedo + subsequent reconciliation happens.

Red: He caught her scoping the library and offered her a tour, gaining immediate friendship points. She's envious of his education but he's so open with his knowledge and resources she can't resent him. they talk about nerdy magic shit all the time and Blade is 🙄 when they start bouncing off each other.

Romance: Such a close runner up to Chase it's almost tragic. The biggest tipping point is that she met chase first. I think he would be patient enough to get past her walls and mature enough to just fucking... talk to her. There's obviously chemistry and something there that would make him pursue her. this would be overall healthier and wouldn't explode (as badly). she'd be terrified of meeting his family though.

Ayla: They're pretty protective of each other pretty quickly, they see the similarities they have and they get a long well. Aelyn makes an active effort to remind Ayla she has a place here and people she can trust. Teases her until she gets punched in the ribs.

Romance: No matter what I do I can't see them in a relationship. :| She's the only one out of the romacables (for fem MC) that I'm like hmmm no.

Halek: They get along very well and he seems to take her flirting in stride. I can see them cooking together (assuming Halek isn't one of those 'get out of my kitchen' people)- cooking and eating together is a significant bonding activity for her. She feels like Halek is a big judgment free zone so that's big friendship points for her.

Romance: Yes, if only to make a lifelong enemy of Moonsilk. I think they're compatible but I also don't know if I know his character well enough to say definitely. If he ever wants to 'hang out' she's down to clown.

Briony: Once she realized Briony was genuinely on the same side as her in the arena they were buds. She fascinated by Briony's sword and jokes that Red's blatant curiosity is rubbing off on her. Right there with Ayla with 'hey you want us to 'talk' to them 🤜' they like to walk around, arms linked, and GOSSIP

Romance: I- maybe? I could see it. Possibly. Though, apparently she and Lavinet's type is similar sooo maybe not. I don't think it would be.... great. My biggest fear is that Aelyn would actively sabotage this relationship and create a lasting wound for Briony (although tbh this is a fear for pretty much all the ROs)

Lavinet: They hold each other in high regard and their relationship is warmer then Aelyn and Riel's but but there's still a distance there. Lavinet operates very differently then she does and it throws Aelyn off. I'm not sure how true it is but Aelyn is pretty sure Lavinet would judge the shit out of her for some of the things she's done in the past. They bond over riding and girls nights though. Like Riel: even if romancable, it wouldn't happen.

Mimir: It's complicated. On one hand she does like Mimir as Mimir, loves how weird she can be. On the other, the whole god(s) thing? don't like that. She's resentful and tries real hard not to direct it at Mimir

[invinciblerodent]

I know this is a hardish question bc probably depends on game factors, but as it is rn you the brain sauce

Do you think Emmerich notices right away that Tristan isn’t alive in the same sense as pm everyone else? Or is he like quicker than others to notice? I assume Tristan isn’t quick to explain the full truth of his… condition.

(Sorry if I seem obsessed, bc I kinda am. I blame my adhd for the hyperfixation. Love the whole idea! )

Oh absolutely no worries babe lol, I'm just happy that you find the big fellow interesting! ❤️❤️

Have a song I've been listening to a lot over the past few days and have kinda started associating it with him-

(this, as well as "Ghost" by the same guy, very Tristan-coded to me, only this one also has that soft, deep-voiced crooning in "Orlesian" in the middle there that's. Very A+.)

I honestly feel a bit more "free" headcanoning and rambling on about this guy and this story than about anyone else, specifically because the base idea is kind of on the sillier side? Like, I feel fairly confident ~~hazarding a guess~~ that there's not going to be a subplot in the actual game about the main character needing to hide that actually, they're kind of, sort of a zombie, lol.

So while I'm intentionally keeping my girls vague (beyond "very autistic bisexual elf rights activist", "viking pirate lesbian(?) dwarf", and "tiny dommy mommy"), I'm like, fairly sure that I was gonna need to do extensive rewrites and annotations to the game to make this one work anyway, so I'm not super concerned if I end up needing to "retcon" something I think about now.

What I was thinking so far is that Tristan, as of the beginning, could count on one hand the number of people he's told about his "condition" over the past two decades, and of those people, he's not sure if there's even one still left alive. (Maybe a fellow Warden healer, someone who's patched him up enough times to catch on that something is fishy? Maybe the longest and most serious relationship of his adult life that ended tragically one way or another? I'll have to brainstorm that one)

So as a Grey Warden, Tristan spends a lot of his life traveling alone (which suits him just fine), and quite often, the preternatural survivability and even the unusually thick blood can be reasoned away with "it's a Warden thing, don't worry about it, we're all like this". Most people will believe it, and aren't very quick to jump to conclusions that shouldn't be possible.

Except maybe those who are intimately familiar with death, spirits, and the undead. And are, yknow, actual professors of the occult.

So I think it's not exactly a closely guarded secret, but one Tristan wouldn't reveal unless absolutely necessary- and for as long as possible, none of the companions would know, but Emmrich would absolutely suss him out on his own.

Regardless of whether there's been any light flirting before then, I like to kind of imagine there being a singular moment --perhaps after a hit taken too close, maybe in defense of him, when the odd, stale, almost slightly mildewy scent of Tristan's blood hits Emmrich's nose the first time-- when their eyes meet, and there's this Moment of mutual recognition. This "oh shit, I know what you are."- "oh shit, he knows what I am.".

I of course don't know, like, the particulars of his character, but from his tone in the blurbs and the short stories, I assume that if pulled aside afterwards and asked sincerely, Emmrich would be willing to keep it a secret- and that he would immediately feel intense scholarly interest.

I mean, Tristan is an anomaly: by all means, he should not exist. The undead of Thedas are created via possession, and his body has not been possessed by any spirit, and isn't being controlled by anything. He seems whole, hale, and himself (not a darkspawn, either), he breathes, eats, sleeps, heals and bleeds pretty much as normal, and the things that aren't quite normal, are still not outside of the realm of possibility: many completely normal people breathe and blink slower than average, many people prefer their meat on the rarer side, many people have troubles falling and staying asleep. Nothing about him on its own is indicative of anything strange, and yet he is intelligent undead! Just the fact that he can speak in a way that is convincingly human is incredible!

I want to believe that Emmrich (like many of us are about our blorbos) would immediately kind of be like "I want to study you under a microscope." (paraphrased ofc) (Is he the playful kind? Would he jokingly paint studying Tristan as repayment for his silence? Who knows! It's fun either way!)

And at first, Tristan would be hesitant (it's awkward, to be under such scrutiny, and to have his whole Situation upended and dissected like that, especially by someone he probably already considers somewhat intimidating, in a handsome, charming sort of way), but even if it's not suggested, he'd consider it repayment for keeping it a secret, and agree. And if I can make it work, I'd really enjoy for there to be an opportunity for a moment between the two of them that has Emmrich kind of like... "I have been around enough bodies, both dead and alive, naked and clothed, to not be affected by anything corporeal. I know flesh well, I know what lies under it, and my interest in this particular body is purely clinical, scholarly, and in no way romantic or sexual. This dimly lit office/surgery is not in any way romantic, nor does any sight of his body arouse anything in me. .......... oh, his nipples are pierced. That's not a good thing for me."

("oh, strong muscles shifting enticingly under inked skin." "oh, the big man is large in every way." etc.)

Something something hearing an otherwise abnormally sluggish heart suddenly beat faster at a touch, something something intense examination of all bodily reactions making them both feel both flayed and more naked than it should be possible, intense eye contact, oh in this kind of light his eyes do look reddish and eerie but I can't look away, and from there on I think it can kinda progress however it's going to progress in the game.

I am havign SUCH a normal time of it, man!!!!!!!

[phierie]

Been thinking about bullet train and it's costume design (and why it's so good) for a while now so some thoughts about lemon + tangerine and their clothes I guess. this got a bit long so i'll put it under a cut

so I think the reason Tangerine's outfit works so well is it tells us so much not only about who he is but who he WANTS to be, it instantly evokes that kinda 80s gangster east end vibe, but the little details like the banker collar show that it's more the image he's trying maintain than it is who he actually is. I've thought a lot about that quote from the costume designer Sarah Evelyn about how the suit is to "contain the beast", and how he loses that veneer as the film goes on and his outfit gets more ruffled and, literally starts coming apart as the job goes wrong (even starting as early on as his top button being undone after he & lemon realise they've lost the case), his outward appearance starting to match his actual personality

in comparison, at first glance I didn't think Lemon's outfit was telling us as much about his characterisation, or his relationship to his image + clothes (like, he's not in a suit like tangerine is, so does he just not care as much about what he wears like tangerine does?)

but I've been thinking about it a lot while picking outfits for him (for a Lemon & Tangerine fashion zine project I'm working on, as it goes) and I don't think that's the case - his outfit is neat and well put together too! he literally wants people to see the tie he picked out for his outfit even if it comes across dodgy as hell with the blood on his shirt!! he has a fairly eclectic/unconventional style, what with the double denim and the suspenders, his accessories are practical instead of showy (the smartwatch he wears vs tangerine's rolex), and I think what that shows is that he's completely comfortable with his look, and has a kind of confidence in himself that tangerine Does Not possess. He has no desire to present himself as a Mr Big type character like tangerine, he has nothing to prove to anyone (or himself) like tangerine does

and then I think that confidence is even more interesting when you consider the context, in particular of Lemon as a black man (in this instance in Japan), and growing up in the UK alongside tangerine - does that confidence stem from his personality? or was it something learned? (or, maybe most likely, a bit of both?) and what does it say about tangerine and how he relates to the culture they were raised in that his look is based off the prototypical businessman (of the kind he probably didnt have as a role model in his immediate family/life)? I don't necessarily have the answers nor am I actually smart enough to say anything meaningful about it I just think it's super interesting thinking about these two within the context of the UK esp wrt class issues lol

ANYWAY this got a bit rambly I just love the costume design in bullet train so much!!!! I think it's even more pronounced with how the movie takes place over such a short space + time and everyone only really has one main design, it's almost cartoony/anime-esque (in a good way). everyone has a unique style and the characterisations and designs are so well entwined it makes everyone so memorable in a way i think few action films do. And I love the tiny details you probably won't even notice on a first watch, it just shows how much thought and care went into everything, I admire the costume + hair + makeup departments and what the cast all brought to it so! much!! love the fast train movie so much man

[kirby-the-gorb]

reply roundup!

had to put these on hold for a while for personal reasons </3 they're likely to still be infrequent, but in honor of kirb2k!

(my notes would only load back to mid september so I missed a couple weeks sorry :c but be warned that this is a long one! it's 3 entire months' worth!)

also, reminder that kirb2k ends tomorrow!!! preorders, commissions, and auctions will all close at noon pst on sunday december 17th! everything is linked in the pinned post or filed under the tag kirb2k!

first is one more birthday kirb from my friend @sleepy-sheep-wizard:

Realized halfway thru that I don’t know what Kirby looks like off the top of my head, so I got funky with it. Happy birthday, thank you for being a good friend

thank you again friend <3 getting funky with it is truly in the spirit of just drawing a little guy for fun, I love his little hat in particular.

on [mirror] @shapeshifterwithafez said: uuuh is Scherben bringen Glück/ Shards bring luck a universal saying? sounfs clinky as a direct translation. anyways in germany we say that shards of stuff you broke brings luck so I hope the luck finds you or smth sorry for rambling ^^

I'd never heard this saying before, but I think it's very sweet! thank you for sharing it with me :)

on [pipefight] @hauntedppgpaints said: goalies with a skate blade and their stick in hand

big hockey vibes for real yeah lol

on [pink] @gaydiation-poisoning said: ...I wanna eat that pink

honestly same, it's sooo pleasing

on [rain] @hive-heart said: Everything alright, daily kirby guy?

not really but sitting by the window in the rain is a good thing lol thanks for asking <3

(also the person who tagged that same post myhouse.wad made me laugh)

on [photo] @ceylonsilvergirl [added] a picture of their cat and said: get adored idiot!! see the hate in her eyes? I’ll make her love me yet!!

me @ my partner's cat

@violet-dragongirl said: oh! I have been meaning to ask! Have you played Kirby and The Forgotten Lands? I assume you did but just wanted to say that I did about a week ago and I loved it and thought of your art! ^.^ And if you haven't, yes, Carby is super adorable and amazing :3

I have! I got it very shortly after it came out, I had a really good time with it. I've been slowly replaying it recently with my partner, they were kind of fond of kirby just by proxy but since we started playing they adore bandee now and say he never gets enough screen time XD I'm glad you also had fun!

on [mice] @ceylonsilvergirl said: girls like swarms of things, right?

idk bro my wife wasn't so big on it when I got a gig housing 30 mice, but maybe she's weird. I liked them. (sadly one of the best paying jobs I've ever had up until the owner lost it and abandoned them with me, yes I still took care of them for the rest of their little lives) (and yes I also got my wife's okay before I took them on in the first place)

on [covid] @mordantivore said: reading posts from when the era of covid safety was declared anathema and ended is haunting. we were so desperate to find ppl willing to help us stay alive. there are fewer of us now bc “allies” are worthless & more of us have died

yeah. fuck. I'm lucky that the people in closest proximity to me are at least moderately careful, but me and my wife and partner are usually the only ones wearing masks anywhere we go except sometimes the employees and I know they don't always wear them when they're out without me.

on [swim] @northeasternwind said: Jdjdjfkg imagining Kirby being way more bouyant than your average human so them gotta exhale REAL HARD or attach nega-floaties (sinkies?) like weights to dive

lol yeah they probably gotta try So Hard to actually get under the water. (I think diving weights/ballast is a thing that humans use too? I've never gone diving, having my face underwater stresses me out -n- )

on [float] @nickiemoot said: he has to go now. his planet needs him. *slide whistle*

I can only hear this as that one similar part from one of the asdfmovies, it delights me

@vampiricarus said: if you see this just know i love your art so much

aww thank you! <3

anonymous said: just wanted to say I love Kirby and I love your art! I’m always excited to see it on my dash. thank you for bringing a little joy to my life :) I need it once in a while like I’m sure a lot of others do too! Keep up the good work :))

thank you! drawing a little guy brings me a little joy too, I'm glad it can do the same for others <3

on [drain] @ceylonsilvergirl said: I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. Existing is hard work sometimes. A lot of the time

fuck dude it sure is <3 especially when my body keeps trying to shut down lol

on [mud] @why-are-all-the-fun-urls-taken said: Hey man are u doing ok

I am not, thanks for asking <3

on [tummyache] @hobgirl said: :o kirby the gorb why would you do that!!!!! why!!!!!

I didn't want it to go to waste!!! everyone is dumb sometimes!!!

on [wizard] @eau-the-agony said: not enough appreciation in the wizarding world for garlic salt spell. its all kung pow penis tgis and ketamine ape that. not enough of the small joys which carry us through the horrors like a dinky garbage raft

you are so right. the small joys are the most powerful of all.

on [wizard] @beepbeepdespair said: somehow didnt know garlic salt was a thing until this moment. now i really want some. i think i just found a kg of it online for 12 quid??

I am so pleased that you now have the knowledge of Garlic Salt Spell, I hope you got to try it out for yourself :D

on [zelda] @chaos-squared said: Good job!! I’ve had it for longer yet still haven’t completed it ;w;

nothing wrong with that! I only finished it as quickly and thoroughly as I did because I was basically bedridden for all of october, as long as you enjoy the time you do spend with a game it doesn't really matter how much time you spend or how far you get.

on [brave] @gudetamalover said: me tomorrow afternoon when I get all four wisdom teeth out

I'd already had several other oral surgeries on account of Weird Teeth before I got my wisdom teeth out but it still knocked me on my ass for a couple days, I hope your recovery went as smooth as possible! (altho that was also like. 15 years ago. and general anesthesia has gotten a lot better since then.)

on [shiny] @angst-and-fajitas said: Like to slap his bald head reblog to slap his bald head

bald! bald! bald! bald!

on [powerwash] @chronicdilf said: decemberb 16 im goign to walk across the damn stage get my damn diploma folder im going to go home and POWERWASHER SIMULATOR JUST LIKE KIRBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah!!! you're gonna do it!!! you might be doing it right now even!!!

on [cooked] @hobgirl said: oh mood kirby..... struggling with the very last paper i need to write before i can graduate and its got me feeling this way fr

ough, I hope you made it through your paper! lots of people graduating tho that's so cool, congrats to both of you!

on [bears] @jupiterlandings said: I get so happy every time I see Cake and the name Cake being tagged :)

it's such a good name for a bear, I'm grateful you thought of it!! especially given the best I could do for the other one was "kirbear" lol

@violet-dragongirl said: omg seeing that Fav Grobs Post you recently put up makes me so happy! over a thousand (and then some!) GORBS?! :D I'm not only impressed but so proud ya made it this far and I'm so glad you got possibly more to go of Kirby!! :D!! Really great job 🥰🥰

thank you! I'm gonna hit 2000 days of drawing kirby tomorrow, that's so wild!

on [popular] @timeturner-jay said: Op your Kirby art brings so much utter joy you have no idea <3

yay I'm glad <3 I love to draw a little guy, it's good I'm not the only one having fun lol

I got a lot of "good blaze op" on the [macarena], and you're all correct, thank you for recognizing my great decision making B) (I'd been meaning to add the music and blaze it from basically the moment I drew it, I've just been really sick so it took a while.)

(also even if I don't always gather them in the roundup there are names I recognize showing up repeatedly in the tags, some of whom have been here for years, and I'm always glad to see you're still around!)

[misc-obeyme]

The anon's opinion on the otome games female main characters being sweet chicks was very interesting. I can relate to that. A perfect example of a female lead could be Beatrix Kiddo or The Bride from Kill Bill (I don't know if you have seen it but I highly recommend watching Kill Bill, if you haven't seen it. It's a great movie. However, I should warn you that it contains some pretty gruesome violence and gore. But if you can handle that, then I think you'll really enjoy the story and characters). Not only is it a different style of chick compared to these kinds of female MCs in otome games, but she's also her own reason and goal as she ends up in the main situation - meeting the other characters - not luck. Most otome games simply start with an MC who just accepts being in a situation around some hot guys.

This is an entire discussion within media in general, but it definitely varies depending on which type of media you're discussing.

I've seen Kill Bill and it does in fact pass the Bechdel test, which is really a good way to measure whether or not a female lead is a well rounded character on her own or only exists as a supplement to the male characters. The main rule here is that there should be at least two female characters who have a conversation about something other than a man. It's less about how many women are in the work and more about whether or not those women take an active role in the story. The idea that they have wants and needs outside of the men in their story.

The problem with dating sims is that all the characters are men. We have one female love interest in Thirteen, but she's the only one and she wasn't even around from the beginning.

I really feel like a lot of the issues Obey Me has comes from its format. Not only do you have an MC character that needs to fit as many people as possible while still being active within the story, but you've also got all dialogue all the time. There is no way to show the environment beyond the background images. Characters' inner thoughts are generally unavailable as well.

And in the case of a female lead, you're dealing with someone who needs to be generic by default.

You can certainly discuss why generic MC is always so kind and likable. Is that more about how society sees women and often prefers and praises women who are meek or nice or good at cooking or whatever? Or is it more about them trying to facilitate a love story between a generic character and any of the other characters?

If there were routes, you could be more picky about it, I think. Because they could make the "generic MC" the type of character that they know would be a good love interest for the romanceable character in that scenario. For instance, if you were playing a route to romance Lucifer specifically, they could give the MC character a little more personality to suit what they know would work well in a romance with him. However, when you're dealing with a cast of eleven characters that the MC could be dating, well then you need an MC that's likeable enough that all eleven of those characters will be able to fall in love with them simultaneously.

I'm not defending it or anything, I'm just saying there are major restraints to this kind of format.

What they have to do is create as generic an MC character as possible and hope that it works out for the players.

In media like movies and books, you definitely have more space to explore female leads that are different. Kill Bill is a good example. And generally I'd say this particular issue is improving in media as a whole.

But do I think it'll ever change for otomes/dating sims?? I have no idea, honestly. The best we can do for now is to reimagine the events as we play. I think this is why so many people tend to rewrite the whole story with their MC in mind. Because it would play out differently for every MC.

Anyway, sorry to ramble lol! But this is an interesting discussion!

[femmesandhoney]

Hey, I saw you mentioned the Thalia casting for the pjo show. I’ve never seen anyone else on radblr mention pjo, so I was very excited to see I’m not the only one who likes it! I’m more of a crypto/lurker here, but I thought I’d say hi anyway!

I think they cast a great Thalia, and I’m excited to see what Tamara Smart will bring to the character, especially when they get to season three. Idk about you, but I think the casting thus far for most of the characters has been spot on, and specifically the main trio are phenomenal and perfect for their roles! But I think the writers made so many mistakes with things they changed in season one, so I’m not super optimistic I’ll be thrilled with any plot changes they make to season two.

Sorry if this is a bit awkward, but I just wanted to say hi and get your thoughts about the show and pjo in general, because I’ve never seen anyone else in this corner of tumblr mention it before :)

The casting for the show is hands down the best part of it, every character nails their roles. In particular, me and my best friend agreed Grover (Aryan) was actually the standout of the main trio so far. So excited to see how Tamara portrays Thalia next especially, since shes so important. Absolutely fantastic performances all around tho! I think about Clarisse in episode two when she screams after Percy breaks her lance all the time, it was soooo freaking chilling, just small things that show the entire cast is making up for any weaknesses the writing had in season one lol. There were def things they changed or left out that weren't my fav, but still held enough spirit of pjo for me to relax and hold out hope for future seasons. I believe I read that the writers took note of the season one critiques, so fingers crossed some of the pacing is fixed and hopefully (major hope) more episodes or longer episode lengths for the next season pleasssseeeee that would fix most of the issues people had!

But I won't lie the show adding some new scenes was super fun and fresh of them, like the chair in the tunnel of love where Walker and Leah acted their butts off and had me and my best friend in complete shock as we watched. Or the scenes w Ares and Grover! That was so freaking fun and a cool way to develop Grovers char more. So I do like the changes the writers have made, but sometimes their lack of inclusion of stuff is where it gets tricky and upsetting for future plot points.

I've been a pjo fan since it was the book series that actually made me fall in love w reading as a kid. Fun fact, i borrowed my friends sea of monsters book while he read the lightning thief, and I loved it so much that i devoured the next four books, and ended up reading the lightning thief last! its just that good of a series lol, so fun and engaging especially as a young kid diving into the world. so its super nostalgic for me, but admittedly my bestie is the one who remembers the books far better than me. she'd be like oh this is that monster or oh they left this out and i was like what 💀?? oh right! i gotta do a speed reread or something lmao, but im glad the show was well received and hopefully inspires more kids to pick up the books and enjoy reading.

I read all the classic YA books as a kid so truly I have an opinion on mostly all of them except a select few, but I also read these things in like middle school so they're not as fresh in my mind so if you want more specific opinions you can ask lol, but hopefully this was an enjoyable ramble

[ofmermaidstories]

I totally agree with you on not liking the current, "you must reblog or don't read it" mentality. While it's great to support fanfic writers if you're comfortable with it, there are a lot of reasons why someone may not feel comfortable reblogging a particular fic (for me personally my social anxiety sometimes gets the best of me and I simply cannot handle the idea of being perceived). I think the problem comes when people don't interact with fics and then start to ask for more content from the author (which I suspect is only a few people but it's enough to give some writers a really bad impression). I used to write for a very small fandom and even I had several experiences of people asking for part 2s or updates when the original fic had very little interaction and I was most definitely not a request blog. I've personally never written fanfiction to get comments but stuff like that made me feel used and I even had one interaction that toed the line of emotional blackmail and put me off writing for that fandom altogether so I can definitely see why some authors end up so jaded that they block anyone who doesn't interact positively (even if it's not something I really agree with). So yeah, I really don't think there's anything wrong with genuine lurkers but I fear sadly they've been given a bad name by the few people who do treat fanfic authors as content machines.

Anyway, I hope I haven't rambled too much and that you're having a good day Merms!

Oh yeah, absolutely!!! Like, true entitlement is such a problem that genuine lurkers are getting murked for; which is unfair because it makes a scapegoat out of them and doesn’t solve the real problem at all. And I say “true entitlement” because there’s a difference between a comment that’s like, “will there be a part 2? 🥺” and “part 2” LOL, which is my personal pet peeve, like—what happened to hi?? hello??? how are you??? 💀 I’m not a chat AI, you don’t get to input demands. 🤖📖🚫

Idk—I try not to be mean about even that, tho, because I suspect a lot of this behaviour is indicative of younger readers, but then it just circles back to the problem of like, how do we correct it on a community-wide scale? Because sure, entitlement like that might be coming from a younger reader, but it might just as easily be coming from an asshole LMAO. The only “quick” solution that I can see for it is directly addressing it when it happens. 🥺 And again I wanna emphasise that there’s a clear difference between a genuine enquiry and a throwaway demand!! Like, personally, I don’t mind people asking when I might update or whatnot, because I don’t hold myself to a schedule and my updates are haphazard. But if you’re a more structured and dependable writer (like andypants, for example!) then maybe it’s a different story idk idk. It’s literally case-by-case—which is how it should be, because we’re all individual people writing different things.

I’m sorry your other fandom experience was kinda soured for you though, Anon. 🥺 I would feel used too! I’ve actually come to really dislike writing generic, non-bigger-fic related drabbles because they’re always the pieces that attract the worst of the entitlement. 💀 I say that like it’s a plague of demands lmfao, it’s not, but it happens often enough that it’s noticeable—and I guess it’s just the nature of them being easily digestible without needing like 100k+ of backstory to get into it, but….. idk idk. It’s startling! 😦 And I think the only action we can take that’s even close to a solution is just gently addressing it whenever it pops up. 😔 Or blocking ig if that’s how u roll, LOL.

[futurequibblerjournalist]

Idk if youd be super into it but Id really like to hear about why you don't like wilhelm. :0 idkidk your thoughts on every1 are just so interesting to me n I like the thought you put in them idk

I can't get over how I'm like "I don't like this guy I made up evil thoughts about him in my head and not the fun kind" and now all my anons are like "wanna tell us about him???" vjnfjbngjb

I'll go into depth a little more because your asks is very nice but idk if I'll ever reveal the depths of why I hate this shitty little lad

So! Idk if I've just been on some weird sides of fandom but I generally see him portrayed as like,, some pseudo twink whose only purpose is comedic banter on the sidelines of other ships or being Edmund "daddy dom" Avery Junior's bitch (in case you can't tell from how I phrased that I don't like that portrayal of Avery either vjfnbjgnb) and I don't like that!! I also just,, do not fuck with the whole "oh no he wasn't a death eater because he wanted to he was forced into it he's actually innocent!!" and I've seen some of that with Wilhelm too.

I think this dude is just,, a genuinely shitty person. Getting the basics out of the way homeboy is a blood supremacist and a death eater. Not a great start when it comes to being a good person. I've already delved briefly into his relationship with Aurora here but I'll elaborate. I think he's an entitled shitbag (this entitlement is also what makes me think homeboy does not know that no means no and you can kinda let that brainwave take you wherever you want but really I will not elaborate more on this part (he's also got a particular taste in women that I've alluded to in my moodboards but once again I'm not gonna bring it up any more than that)). He thinks he's smarter than everyone else, that he can manipulate everyone into thinking he's someone better than who he really is (and he can) and the fact that he's aware enough of this to keep doing it so successfully is just,, he knows he's not a good person and still, he pretends to be one to get what he wants. Classic wolf in sheep's clothing!!! He's maintained a friendship for years simply because he thinks it's funny to laugh behind Aurora's back like what kind of person does that??

I can also provide a bit of context for my portrayal of Wilhelm I guess lol. I'm not the one who came up with the name Wilhelm for him obviously but since we canonically only know his last name someone had to. Wilhelm is of Germanic origin and thus I've decided that he's Austrian lol. Wilkes shares his last name with the main antagonist from I think it's Stephen King's Misery?? Don't quote me on that lmao. Anyway, the character's main trait in that book is that they're like,, relentlessly cruel so in my portrayal of Wilkes I definitely took inspiration from his namesake. He originally attended Durmstrang where he was close with Rowle and Dolohov (especially the latter) though he was expelled in his third year and due to connections he was able to attend Hogwarts instead where he was sorted into Slytherin. He spent his time at Durmstrang tormenting not only but probably, in particular, Igor Karkarov (who I think had an exchange year to Hogwarts in his seventh year where Wilhelm continued to bully him while playing completely innocent to anyone else)

I think Wilhelm is a fairly tall, muscular young man, with such a pale complexion and blonde hair that he looks like he never sees sunlight. He's got multi-coloured eyes, one light brown and the other blue, very fluffy hair (sheep's clothing) and a charming smile with prominent fangs (wolf) and exposed gums. He looks far too cunty for a man who's as homophobic as he is

I'm glad you enjoy my character rambles jvnfjbngjb I'd be more than happy to ramble about someone else lol

[eneiryu]

so you know how in one of the scenes about the doctors, deaton is looking around their abandoned lab for something (i forget which episode lol) and he sees these sample jars with what looks like preserved fetuses (horrible) - have you ever considered a scenario where they may have used theo's chimeric DNA to clone or create a child? for the ultimate kind of vessel for the Beast, by growing one themselves? it's an awful thought but it really makes me wonder how theo would relate to that child - they would kind of be his own daughter/son due to sharing DNA. how would he have coped with that kind of situation? i think in my head he would have tried everything he could to get the kid away from the doctors and send them somewhere safe - maybe he would've faked their death or something similar, and made sure the doctors couldn't find them. this really comes into play post-canon i think because there's always that feeling of 'should he go get them to raise as his own' but also knowing that he's in no place to be a pseudo-father and that it would probably be better to leave the kid where they are. it's really interesting to me and i think the pack would react in a really fascinating way because this is such a complicated layer added to their perception of him: someone more self-sacrificing than maybe they originally presume, someone who would go to any lengths for the person they love.

and i think also it would really drive home the point of how young theo was when the doctors first took him - now that the pack have an example of another child raised by the doctors, how does that inform their perception of theo as a kid? bc i feel like scott and derek and liam's gut reaction would be that no child should ever be put in that kind of environment, and that kind of instinct would change how they view the fact that theo - despite everything he later came to do - was literally just a kid when this all started.

i'd love to hear your thoughts on this! i've really appreciated the way you handle topics like this (like in your fics where hayden or malia have a child and how Theo interacts with them and what it means to him) :))

I will admit I had never thought of this kind of scenario, though I’ve come at Theo’s DNA and how the Doctors may have used it from multiple angles. In this particular kind of case, though—I have to admit I struggle with it. 😬 The idea caught my attention enough that I ended up talking to another fandom friend about it, sort of working through the “what if.” And unfortunately I just can’t see it. I’m of the mindset that pre-skinwalker prison, there wasn’t a whole lot of mercy or grace in Theo. Had the Doctors used his DNA to create some kind of clone—which is a fascinating idea in and of itself; why wouldn’t they have tried to grow themselves a vessel?—I really don’t think he would have…cared. It would have been someone else to take the torment rather than him, and why not? No one had protected him, so why should he protect anyone else?

Post-canon is a possibility, Theo “rediscovering” the clone or whatever, but I could see that being interesting, mostly because I think Theo would panic, thinking either that the clone would reveal more of his past—which he’s ashamed of—to the pack, or worrying that the clone would replace him somehow. The pack had already taken in one version of him, why not another? And why not one who was less of a failure than he was?

Anyway! Now I’m rambling. Apologies that I couldn’t see my way to the core of your idea, but it’s an interesting headcanon, and I’d encourage you or anyone else to take it and run with it. 😊

[nilboxes]

hi! i follow u on twitter (here now as well, just found out u have a tumblr lol) and i wanted to say that i love your interpretations of both aventurine and ratio, it's always such a delight to read and its obvious you put a lot of effort into them !! thank you for being on the frontlines for aventio !

Hello oomf! Thank you for dropping by and for the kind words. I'm glad there are people who do appreciate it! I know there are people out there who appreciate my stuff a little bit, but it's still nice to hear!

I do put a lot of effort into it, mostly because they are keeping my mental health intact (this is sort of a good thing and a bad thing) but eh! I was a hermit before this pairing, but I grew very tired of dreading rl-ers yap about all the crumbs we get from hyv and the other aventio-ers are also switch laners sometimes (not holding it against them! I was one too) so out of the cave I went... But that's great as long as we all get fed Aventio!! 😎

Now I'll react to your rant but we'll put it behind a thing so we're being polite... XD

I know what you mean! I can sort of tell whenever something is rl with just a glance at Ratio's eyes, that's what I mean when he's not being depicted as the princess he is. They really remove a lot of his femininity in order for him to fit the mold of the dom alpha top the reverse really want him to be and give all the femininity to Aventurine 🙄 I hate it so much but like I have to keep quiet and respect people because they are usually very lovely art, they just don't really capture Ratio OR Aventurine at all. I'm still annoyed about the other anon asking me about Foxian Aventurine, like I take one look at it and I know the artist is b/Av. 🤮

I always found rl to be very far from the spirit of the ship. They really seem to just stereotype Ratio into a role of big daddy who takes care of Aventurine by nature of his status as an educator, but Ratio is an educator in a very femme way that the rl never gets quite right. They just don't capture the silly-sternness innate in him and I think they miss what drives him to do these things in the first place, idk there's always something lacking in their depiction of Ratio, and it's clear it's due to lack of love for him.

Not to mention a lot of them seem to project their own "trauma" and "issues" such as crippling insecurity, self-doubt, self-hatred into Aventurine without really figuring out how *that* in particular would work with Aventurine because he is such a complicated character. Aventurine would never say he "doesn't deserve Ratio/Ratio's love" it's never that clear cut with him and his feelings. I do think by his nature as a gambler he would feel he has earned whatever he has through his luck, being deserving is no longer part of that equation, it has fallen on his lap somehow, he wants it therefore in a way he will accept it, but he can't just help wonder WHYY he has it at all. Coz stuff comes to him whether he thinks he deserves it or not, the mentality should have shifted long ago for him, he would wonder why, as opposed to what outcome for the other people involved, that fortune would come to him.

Anyway, I've rambled long enough for an entire chapter of a fic to navel-gaze at Aventurine's long and winding thoughts.

I guess I'll see you around. anon ♥

[tiredassmage]

For the Swtor asks, OC of your choice! 28, 47, 55! 😁

Thank you so much! I think... I will do this batch for Trooper!Tyr specifically, since I just got to spend more time with him.

[SWTOR OC Asks]

Which I think I'll also use as an excuse to ramble about the au again and what it does to me, so we'll definitely need a cut for this one, lol!

So, a little context, since it's been a minute since I've spoken on it, but speaking of Tyr means I'm generally speaking of my canon Cipher Nine - but now I, admittedly, have a small card game's collection of him in all of the tech classes for funsies at this point, and putting Tyr through Republic SpecForce military training does something... really interesting compared to who he is as an agent. Trooper!Tyr grows into the role in Havoc Squad sort of while he's deeply wet behind the ears yet, particularly as a SpecForce soldier - and where his original canon's training as an Intelligence operative asked a lot of him controlling his own presentation and carefully manipulating his perception and the perceptions of others, what I tend to see more of in the Trooper story edition is... a bit more one-trick pony.

Tyr's loyalty to the Republic as a trooper is pretty deep, and while him and General Garza certainly butt heads during his career (not helped by the fact that Tyr was an SIS transplant to investigate the SpecForce defections on behalf of the SIS to begin with), he's generally dogged in his duty - and it means SpecForce doesn't face a serious investigation from the Republic Senate until Eclipse Squad's takedown during the events of Shadow of Revan - because Tyr had pretty summarily eliminated Tavus and the rest of his original Havoc counterparts under Garza's orders. And that... haunts him as much and more than it does create eventual resentment between Tyr and Garza for turning one of the Republic's finest SpecForce units into, in Tyr's sentiments, a "Search and Destroy unit hellbent on covering your failures and indiscretions."

And yet, for as much as he resents what SpecForce service made of him and Garza's disposition of it all in general, he... still follows a lot of those early patterns of operation established within his first year in Havoc for... the vast majority of the rest of his service.

Anyway! I don't... think any of this necessarily comes up for these particular questions, but man!!! He's just super fascinating to me, and it's super chewy to see what different circumstances made of a character I've loved dearly! So, without further ado, onto the actual asks, lol.

28. Have they done anything embarrassing?

His partner and his flight officer in Havoc is a friend's oc, Hyroh, and... I think Hyroh would call it embarrassing how eagerly Tyr will tell the story of how he got his broken nose, lol. About as eagerly as Tyr will tell the story that the scarring down his chin and his left shoulder are from when he raced swoopbikes illegally when he was in his teens and got sent over the handlebars in a race accident at sixteen years old - which is... frankly a story Tyr is not nearly embarrassed or self-aware enough about, probably, as far as how close a brush with mortality as it could have been.

Anyway, the story of Tyr's broken nose then is... actually related to the hunt for the Havoc traitors in that it's Hyroh that broke his nose - for Tyr having put a bolt through Tavus, no less. To say near the least on the matter, Hyroh and Tyr disagreed heartily about the handling of the hunt for the former members of Havoc, and it was sort of capped off by Tyr's unyielding loyalty to duty and Garza's order in that moment that Hyroh lashed out about it. It's not their first disagreement and it's not their last, so more the embarrassing part of it is that Tyr tends to wear it like a badge of honor - that his boyfriend (no one tell Command) checked his stupid, reckless ass before he could... well, maybe not entirely before he could wreck himself, as it were, but that they come back around after the incident and still scuffle and spar, serve in Havoc together for several more years (with more thrilling highs and harrowing lows), and still form a relationship.

Tyr's maybe... not so much embarrassed about telling the story at least most of the time as he is that it... takes him as long as it does to figure see to the full extent Hyroh's position - which is that the things they do and the Republic they serve... it isn't perfect. Not that Tyr believes they're entirely without fault, but it... the ends were meant to justify the means. And that's all well and good until you (meaning Tyr) realize stunts like leaving the former Havoc on Ando Prime aren't isolated incidents. And, frankly, Tyr has found some sense of time and place as he's matured, and he's... a little more embarrassed now of the gusto of which he'd tell the (shorthand, no mission details) version of the story when he was younger. Mortifying ordeals of realizing you were kinda a silly dipshit in your twenties and all that.

47. Did they remember Nico's little umbrella?

I can't forget Nico's little umbrella. I'm not sure how much Tyr particularly cared to remember the little umbrella, but... I'd like to think he did. That little umbrella touch was likely a much-needed touch of levity; the edition of this Tyr going through the experiences of the Outlander is... a really, really rough time starting the Alliance, to be semi-brief. Tyr's had a lot of lows in his time with SpecForce, and losing what had become his support network in the core members of his team in Havoc really did some numbers on him for a while - numbers that he's still recovering from, in some respects.

On one hand, a drink is a drink is a drink... especially in the kind of low Tyr was during the early stages of the Alliance. On the other, being told "show me who you are through crafting an alcoholic beverage" is... so not what he expected and a little baffling that it... probably managed to be at least a little bit of needed amusement.

55. Vaylin has conditioning, how do they feel about using it?

Wait, no, this is why I felt the need to preamble so much about canon agent edition versus trooper edition. Because this one is SO CRUNCHY!!! Between the two!!!

The trooper edition of Tyr being more of a one-trick pony is... relevant here because Tyr's a trained soldier this time - and the distinction matters when talking about his disposition and handling of problems. Tyr as he is as a Havoc commander is not really a man that I'd call suited to leadership - of a military squad, let alone a body like the Alliance. And having everything he understood, knew, and cared for ripped out from under him in the way that being thrust into the role of Outlander and Alliance Commander did it means Tyr's... pretty short on patience and sympathy for the figures perpetuating a lot of that pain and suffering. (Though the relationship he develops with Senya does... interesting things to his relationship with Arcann that end up working out positively where I was pretty certain he'd not be the forgiving type, but... that's another ramble.)

I don't think I actually have my clips for this one and it's been a minute since I've done KOTXX on him, so I admittedly don't remember his exact thoughts on the matter. But where Arcann he comes around to a lot on Senya's faith in him (and... Tyr's own relationship or half-lack thereof playing into those feelings), I think... Vaylin consistently proves a consistent threat to him. I think he feels for Senya perhaps more than anything. But, at the end of the day, Tyr's a soldier, and Vaylin wants to burn everything to the ground - right to be angry about her treatment or not. And... Tyr's more or less a kid from the worse-off side of the space tracks who's strength is as a sniper, not... sword battles with fuck-off powerful Force users. Right or wrong doesn't have as much place on the battlefield as it does in the aftermath, no matter how much they might wish it different. Wishes won't keep him alive long enough to regret it, so... they needed what advantages they could get. Vaylin's conditioning was one of them. And of the many things Tyr's done in his life, especially as a soldier, I'm not sure I can say that making that call is one of the ones he regrets - not nearly as much as others on that list, at the very least.

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

ik i pass as a Horny For Old Men kinda guy but my attraction to them isnt... entirely sexual. It barely is.

My attraction, part of it is my autism absolutely adoring my blorbos, part of it is attraction to their characters and personalities, but the largest part of it is gender envy.

there's a very very thin line between I want to fuck him and I want to Be Him for me.

Also, with sex, and consuming pornography, I dont... imagine myself being fucked/fucking. I am detached from it. I imagine the feelings and emotions and shit, dont get me wrong. But I imagine it as though I am the character themselves experiencing it, not me. I simply like when people show off mutual pleasure and want and lust and desire and blasphemy, and, this is really sad, I can not, for the life of me, imagine a scenario where I am having that mutual reciprocated pleasure with someone.

So I really like my blorbos when sex. Because the tf2 men are so. so incredibly goofy and ridiculous and unconventionally shaped and insane and its like.. ok yeah, I can vibe with this. It isn't like, y/n type shit. It's literally sweaty middle aged men fucking in the most unconventional places. It's awesome.

Also I love love love when author's do queer shit. Like, queer history shit. And queer sex. I read a fic where, in his backstory, Medic studied at the Institute of Sexology in Germany before Nazi Germany, before the book burnings, and Medic secretely preformed the first top surgery ever, in history, on his close friend. And Medic was one of the contributing authors to HRT and trans studies, and even though so many of the books were burned (this actually happened btw, its estimated that we still arent up to the same point knowledge wise as we would be if those academic trans books hadnt been burned.), Medic knew the ins and outs of it all well enough to make his own fucking drug lab and create testosterone for Scout tf2. To help him transition. And I was like. That's awesome.

Or, or like, this one fic. Where scout is like oh god im gay??? And spy is like "lol you are gay. Anyways here's a book I wrote about being gay and all the shit that I've learned and my shenanigans with sex and anatomy and gays and lesbians and gender. And my deceased lover who was killed for basically everything written in this book"

It's like... I feel this strange solidarity, reading it all. Because its.. We've all been there, we've all been in that confusing ass "this is so.. wrong" or like... the hunch you get, before you come out to anyone. The hunch that your parents wont accept you, regardless of what they've said about gay ppl in the past or how much they love you and how much they'll support you. There's always that little sliver of doubt, that, that this is the thing that gets you kicked out of the house, that gets you abused.

And its. It makes me feel so good when I read queer shit in the context of the tf2 universe.

anyways thats enough of my ramblings thumbsup

This is Extremely long but there are parts here that spoke to me so I am going to respond to this in parts:

I don't think it's that weird to visualize yourself as a particular person or character in sexual scenarios. In my experience this has a lot to do with being trans. A Lot of bdsm is playing roles or characters or etc, and I have actually found that that kind of thing can be very very alleviating if you have trouble being "yourself" in sexual situations you otherwise want to partake in. You should note that I do not in any way id as ace but some people with similar experiences do id somewhere on the asexual spectrum. That's really up to the individual, in my opinion

When you're trans and gay (of any variety), of course it's going to be difficult sometimes to distinguish attraction from gender envy. A lot of what society pushes as "gender-conforming" is the same as what it pushed as "attractive", so for a lot of trans people, presenting as the gender that they are can manifest as a desire to look attractive (not even necessarily "conventionally", just what they think is attractive). Tbh I don't really think this is like, a "problem" if it's just fictional characters; I probably wouldn't recommend dating an actual human being you constantly feel envious of, but like I would probably fuck Sniper tf2's mind out and obviously I do a lot of gender envy and projection and kinnie stuff onto him. I would also fuck my own clone though so I might be weird in this regard

Okay finally like the meat and potatoes of this ask: I ALSO love when people do gay shit w the tf2 men! For me, this manifests itself in stuff like the Medic leather ask I did a while ago, because I like kink and kink history and kink culture and that's what I know about and what I like to write about. It also helps people to see a positive representation of some aspect of themselves in these characters that they like, but, more importantly TO ME, I get to tell MORE people abt this kind of thing. This is the biggest platform I've ever had and I get to use these stupid video game men to like, teach people about shit! About gay shit! And I love that. I love you freaks who care abt stuff like this I love people doing gay shit and trans shit and kink shit with the tf2 men. It can be comforting it can be therapeutic it can genuinely cause a lot of positive change in someone's life, and most importantly it is FUN and it is HOT