#anyways i am sobbing and probably being dramatic

[a-dash-in-the-middle]

Welp I am never being vulnerable like that again

[gurokichi]

Why am I never enough? I’ll never be important to anyone. I’m easily replaceable, no matter what I do. I’ll never mean as much to anyone as they mean to me. I’m gonna be sick. Why do I even bother with talking to people anymore? I should just leave you all, and maybe then you’ll regret not wanting me when I would do anything for you.

[livstarlight]

Please allow me to break down this wakanda forever scene for my personal entertainment and the mere reason why I think it's the funniest shit I have ever seen

So we have Namor who is blabbering his sob story to a stranger foreigner surface-dweller princess he met once and who has known for a total of... five minutes, give or take. But whatever, we are on a tight schedule, on the brink of war and with the risk of being exposed any minute, plus we are trying to form an alliance with above mentioned princess and her country, that seems to be the only one to have something in common with his own, so it's fine.

ANYWAY, he has just finished unraveling his people's but especially his entire life story because he wants Shuri to understand why he has to do what he has to do, and she starts arguing back, trying to find a common ground. A peaceful solution for both parties. Which... fair. Usual diplomatic stuff. They are both making sense.

Then Shuri says THIS:

Mind you, he is a mutant god king. A mutant god king of 500 years old. He has seen and heard a lot of things, nothing should faze him that's what I am saying. And technically has the upper hand, considering he is also sort of holding her hostage (she asked to be brought there but still) and yet:

Stunned. Absolutely flabbergasted. Looks like his brain is stammering and failing to elaborate what's happening.

But Shuri keeps going, smart and confident in her ability to turn things around.

She even smiles. And that's it. He is done. Now we can actually see his braincells on the loose, helplessly scattering around. Live.

(500 years old. Let me remind you. 500.)

Then... this. Whatever this is.

1 Why are you swaying your hand around. And so dramatically. Besides, you gave her that dress.

And 2... what are you doing. Where are you looking. Please focus we are in the middle of a diplomatic meeting that could decide the fate of both of your nations for crying out loud.

But no. No no no. We are not done. If that wasn’t enough already:

Which... scary. Shuri is genuinely unnerved, like everyone with common sense would be.

He is just stating how things are. He is being serious, after all we are talking about a secret underwater kingdom that has been hidden for centuries, but no-

Look at him. He is so proud. So cheeky for having delivered this stupid joke he is probably mentally giving himself a pat on the back for having thought of it in the first place.

Look at her face. Look at her. She is a mix between "dafuq dude" and "are you for real"

GUYS IT'S HILARIOUS I COULDN’T STOP WHEEZING. HE PROBABLY THOUGHT HE DID SOMETHING. HE PROBABLY THINKS HE IS THE FUNNIEST MAN ALIVE.

I am not even gonna say anything about the fact that after her proposition he raised zero-to-none complain and/or hesitation about showing his super secret beloved kingdom that he has been going above and beyond to protect for centuries to a girl he met yesterday whom he talked to for a total of now ten minutes. Because... really.

[goodluckclove]

I'm having a lot of fun talking with people about why they struggle in their writing, and I figure I'd share a little bit about what would keep me from writing. It's especially relevant given how soon Blind Trust is coming out - and, like I said, if you're willing to be real to me I'll be real right back.

I'll put it under a read more, as I've had the amount of alcohol that it takes me to be extra loose - meaning half of one canned cocktail. And I don't want to freak anyone out who doesn't want to see me feel a little more angsty than I tend to be online. But as I said before, I want to be honest about the craft as much as I urge others to be.

Here we goooo. Say goodbye to proper capitalization babies, Dad's getting funky.

so i started writing when i was twelve years old. i wrote carnation, a 10k word zombie novella about thinly-veiled representations of me and my two best friends at the time fighting zombies. it wasn't very good. i never wrote anything before. i enjoyed it though, so i proceeded to keep writing, near-constantly for the next fifteen years.

here's the thing, though, and it's something i don't see a lot of elder writers talk about. probably because it's not a super pleasant thing to hear, but i'm pretty sure i could pull it off.

uh, my name is clove gardener. i'm twenty-seven years old now. and i do not think i'm that good of a writer.

i don't think i'm bad. i mean, i've been published. i've worked as a copywriter and a ghostwriter. i've written for work for a few years now, so - like - objectively it must be passable. i don't hate my writing. i think it's accessible, which is cool. but if you were to ask me hey do you think you're a good writer? i would skirt around the question without answering directly until i could figure out a way to change the subject.

at this point i don't think that's going to go away. the improvement, though, has been that i barely think about that anymore. it's like there's a little dipshit in the back of my head, and occasionally he will hiss-whisper this is shit what are you doing until I find a way to shut him up.

i kind of feel like that's just the thing that happens when you're a writer. it's the camp i'd rather be in, at least. because the alternative is that i'm a really good writer who might consider themselves capable to claim authority and tell you how to do things i actually know nothing about. i'd rather have doubt. maybe less than what i have now, but still.

writers, i think, overlap with theater kids in the sense of being dramatic little piss babies. i am proud to say that i am significantly less of a piss baby than i potentially could be, especially considering that i'm in writing and theater. but you're bound to be a little dramatic at some point.

i think in the six-ish months since i've started blind trust, i've had maybe two creative existential crises. that's pretty good. that's reasonable. and they were not too unproductive either. i've learned that you can feel whiny and pitying and scared and self-loathing, and still do the thing.

i don't think you should publish your book. cool, ryan (i named my inner dipshit ryan). i'm doing it anyway.

nobody actually wants to pay money for it. yeah, ryan. maybe.

you're a terrible writer. i like it, though. i want to see how it ends. so let's keep going.

if you're wanting to publish/self-publish, and you think you don't have a chance because you aren't a beacon of self-assurance and confidence - guess what, buddy, i don't think many of the greats were. it's almost a stereotype i've seen of famous writers also being angsty weirdos who crumble into despair because the apple they ate was slightly too mealy (this is based on nothing but i can see it happening to kafka). if you think you can't be a writer because you aren't like me - friend, colleague, son, daughter, child, we are both angsty weirdos and that's okay.

last week i sobbed because riley showed me a video where a kiwi bird was sad and we had to spend the rest of the night watching videos of kiwi birds before donating to a kiwi bird charity. i make one phone call to the doctor and i have to lie down for the rest of the day. i am kind, i am fun, i am funny, and i am also like three bad dice rolls away from a breakdown. you can be both of those things. i have nuance.

i'm fine, by the way. it's been a good day. i'm just stressed about publishing because the thought of asking people to pay Human Currency for my work makes me deeply uncomfortable. but we're going to fucking deal with that, aren't we, ryan?

i don't know if this is unprofessional to reveal, but if it convinces one person to pursue a life in writing even though they sometimes take a trip to the Panic Zone, fuck it. i'm fine, you're fine, we're all going to be fine.

we should name our inner dipshits. drop your dipshit names below. ryan is your classic little goblin, but he's dressed like an e-boy. i think he vapes. i hate him.

[antikate]

I respect everyone who is looking forward to a very soft and loving resolution to the romantic arc of good omens s3 (god willing and the creek don’t rise)

I also want some soft and loving! Eventually

However I am built different and I want maximum suffering before we get to the soft and loving bit.

Things I want in no particular order:

Crowley to rebuff Aziraphale at least twice

Aziraphale to have the wool pulled from his eyes re Heaven being unchanged in the most painful way and it’s just excruciating and delicious

Aziraphale to spy on Crowley and see that he’s apparently fine (he’s not fine)

Crowley also somehow sees Aziraphale being fine (he’s not fine)

Crowley makes a friend and Aziraphale is intensely incredibly unhingedly jealous

Aziraphale having to do a serious grovel re “come to heaven” (which I expect will involve the apology dance though i have mixed feelings about that scene due to my own issues re the goof to not goof ratio of my media entertainment diet)

Crowley telling some random human about how Aziraphale broke him after so long and the human gets more and more indignant on Crowley’s behalf but then Crowley does that thing that everyone does when they’re going through a breakup and starts defending Aziraphale against the indignant human’s accusations and has a moment where he understands Aziraphale’s motivations much better than he did before

A scene where Crowley definitely has to make the choice to save Aziraphale and he wavers! I want him to waver! But then he chooses Aziraphale not because of the old patterns but because he loves him

Angry bang that turns incredibly soft and loving

Aziraphale to renounce heaven in the most dramatic bitch way possible but then Crowley is like it’s too late except it isn’t too late!!!

A scene where Aziraphale says something along the lines of “I know you are a demon and I love you. It’s not that I love you anyway. I love you. It’s not that I love you despite it all. I love you. It’s not that I think that deep down you’re good and that’s why I love you. I love you exactly as you are.”

Oh yeah it’s aAziraphale’s turn to think Crowley is dead probably because of some dramatic af sacrifice that saves humanity and the earth. SOBBING!!!

Definitely someone asks them how long they’ve been a couple and they look at each other and say “since the beginning” or something so so so sappy your brain starts to leak from your ears.

And it ends in a garden. It ends. In a garden. Romantic violins

[fairykazu]

SNEAKING 'ROUND WITH YOU FT. KAEYA contents // snowman building, friends to lovers, confessions, pining, christmasy event note: i listened to w2e's album, 0.1 flaws and all, while writing this but this song fits better: somethin' stupid masterlist

you were waiting outside, hoping that the ring doorbell didn't trigger the notifications on your parents' phone. you bundled yourself up in a puffy jacket and some sweats, hoping that kaeya would arrive just before the cold wouldn't freeze you to death. as the snow fell from the midnight skies, you used the sleeves of your puffy jacket to make mini snowmen, naming one 'snowy' and the other, 'cup of noodles'. man, waiting for kaeya felt like forever to a point you named your snowbaby as cup of noodles. "'it takes twenty minutes' he said." you mocked kaeya as the cold bit your cheeks, reddish hue on your face. even though, kaeya probably wouldn't had, you feel like he just left you hanging.

it's gotten colder as your teeth clattered together, making each step on the patio of the house harder and harder to reach. only making it to the first step to the patio, you sat down and waited for him.

a kick of snow landed on the wooden steps as you looked where it came from, kaeya was hunched over, carrying a plastic bag of random items from the nearest shop, he was out of breath. "whew, oh my god."

"oh my god..." kaeya turned to you as your very cold face morphed into disbelief. "you killed cup of noodles-"

"how did you know i got that in the bag?" kaeya asked as he lifted the bag to show you.

looking at the instant noodle packaging made you drool a little. "oooh thank you, wait no! you killed my baby!" you cried, pointing pile of stepped-on snow next to snowy. kaeya quirked a brow,

"um, the really ugly mounds of snow?"

"yes, my beautiful baby i made while waiting for you asshat!" you sobbed dramatically as kaeya sat next to you, placing the bag of knickknacks next to him. "i am very sorry about your beloved baby, princess. but to make you feel better, i got you, hand heater packets!" rummaging through the bag, he opened the hand heater packaging, showing you the heater.

"i semi-accept your apology."

"i am very gracious, princess. as you warm up with that, i will help you create a better 'cup of noodles' snowman."

"better?" you questioned. "are you implying that the baby cup of noodles i made was stupid and bad?"

he fell down dramatically, draping his hand on his face. "princess, of course not, i will never say that. ummm," he tried to appease you with something else in his bag. "chocolate?"

"sure." you were enjoying thoroughly being pampered. he handed you the chocolate bar as he rolled a snowball in his hands, shaping it unevenly. "instead, of um, late 'cup of noodles' being here. let's make a new one?"

you quietly snorted as you agreed, "yes, you should make me a big snowman in honor of cup of noodles." he furrowed his brows, scratching his head with his other hand,

"like how big?"

you placed down the unwrapped bar of chocolate on the patio stairs and stood up. "like this tall!" you pointed to the floor to the patio's celing.

he laughed nervously, "princess, i fear that that would be too tall for me to make. what if i die instead?" his face grew ruddy from the cold, you stepped closer to him. wrapping your scarf around his neck, feeling the breeze bite you from your turtleneck, you tucked the scarf inside of the loop. kaeya flushed a little but it's not like you noticed anyway. you exhaled a laugh, tugging kaeya to your height,

"it would be okay because you died in honor of 'cup of noodles'." you two's faces were abnormally close. inching away from each other lips, you felt his cold breath ghosting your lips.

kaeya didn't try to do a flirty line with you, having you hear every sound around you. as the snow falls, dancing with each other, forming the flakes and your heart beat a bit faster than before. kaeya, thankfully, broke the ice, "so, princess, if i die, who would give you wonderful gifts?"

naturally, you guys pulled apart as kaeya took a step back. but you took a small step closer, you smiled, "you mean, peace offerings?"

"same thing, isn't it?"

---

you two were a bit further from your house, outside of your room. your window was open as the wind billowed the curtains in the room. you two eventually decided to build snowmen who were not as tall as the patio's ceiling to the concrete floor but instead mini snowmen like snowy and cup of noodles.

kaeya suggested that you two should collect branches for the little arms and rocks for the eyes for the snowmen. you agreed as along if the snowmen were you two together.

you replied, "we should make them look like us."

he smiled, his blue eyes glimmering in the moonlight. if you were mistaken, he could've been an angel too. um, snow angel. "sure."

kaeya was acting like the branches he had collected were logs twice the size of yours. "name, princess, can you help me lug this for me?"

you rolled your eyes and replied back, "if im the princess to you, why should i help? aren't you my shining knight in armor?"

kaeya hid his face into your scarf, hoping you would notice his flushed cheeks was a result of the cold. he cleared his throat, "you are so right, princess." giving you the so-called branches, you carried them in your arms, confused.

he lifted you up, carrying you in princess style. you nearly shrieked in fear as kaeya shushed you with his finger, "hey, we don't want to wake up your parents, now do we?"

"okay, kae." you retorted as he silently snorted. regardless, you dug your face into his nape or really, your scarf. you heard every beat of his heart as he hummed and rubbed circles into your back.

---

he carried you until you two reached the patio once more. you slipped out of his warm embrace as he left you to the cold, he told you that he'll be right back. you sat down against the wall of the house, placing the little branches on the other side of you. out of boredom, you started to make a few little balls to be your base for your snowmen with kaeya. the rocks he picked out somehow matched your shade of eyes, making you question if the pebbles actually turned out to be gems.

after a while, the blue haired male walked back with the plastic bag in hand and your chocolate from earlier in the other. "princess, i got you something, i forgot."

you fiddled with the hand warmth heaters in your pockets as kaeya rummaged through the bag to find a beanie. "if you're worried about your hair, it's like silk lined here." he flipped the inside of the beanie out, showing you the fabric lining. "that's very sweet, kae."

"well, i would do anything for you..." your heart stopped as kaeya's face fell to the ground, trying to cover up his slip up. "because you're my best friend. my, wait, the princess, y'know?"

"yep!" you popped the 'p' at the end. kaeya placed the beanie on your head, covering your eyes for a while. "wha?? kaeya what was that for?" you asked, trying to yank the beanie upwards but kaeya's hand had it stay put in place.

"um, just wait here for a little bit." kaeya answered, taking one of the sticks next to you. you heard him trip, face first into the snow. "GAH!" he shrieked as you shushed him,

"kae, we don't want to wake up my parents, now do we?"

"don't use my words against me, princess." as he struggled to get up from the snow, he took the branch he previously had and drew something around you.

"or what? what are you going to do? aren't you my shining knight in armor, what are you going to dooo~?" you retorted back, trying to lift the beanie up to see what he was doing. you don't know how but he was already there to stop you, "keep this down for now and turn facing the house."

"huh?"

"just do it for a surprise!"

---

he was so glad that you kept the beanie to cover your eyes as he drew a bad heart around you, taking the heart shaped chocolates out. he collected the snowballs you made prior and stacked them. smoothing out the edges as he puts your little branch arms into the snow and his snowman's arms around yours. or at least attempted to fit his stick arm near your stick arms. he took out a bow he bought before and placed it near your snowman and a little toy sword next to his.

"name, you can take off your 'blindfold' now and turn around." he told you as you followed the order. adjusting the beanie so it wouldn't make your hair too flat. did he call you by your first name? it feels strange after all, he called you 'princess' since the beginning of middle school. when he declared that he would be your shining knight in armor.

"kaeya?" you turned around and saw kaeya standing with a chocolate box, swallowed his breath. you looked around and saw the mini kaeya and name as snowmen in a small, badly drawn heart. "what's going on?"

you looked down and the badly drawn heart was around you too. kaeya only managed to laugh, unable to speak to you even though he had practiced what to say beforehand. in the bathroom, forcing diluc proofread his speech to you and even making lisa make sure it's as heart felt as he wanted it to be. he only stammered out words you couldn't even hear.

the words 'i like you' scrambled out of his mouth as "i whah wuah." he wanted to hit himself because it didn't turn out right.

"kaeya, are you okay?" you stepped out of the heart carefully, making sure that you didn't kick over the mini snowmen. his breath hitched as your perfume filled the atmosphere, he's sure that the stars are burning red at this point. "your head is so warm." you pressed your colder fingers against his forehead as he gulped,

"name, i like you." you paused for a moment, glanced into his midnight eyes, the stars could exist in his eyes. wait no, you're looking for a trace of jokes but found none.

you wanted to say "i like you too." but your thoughts were caught in your throat and instead of the statement of requiting with his feelings. you replied, "what?"

nervously, he cleared his throat, "princess, i like-like you." you smiled, he wanted to engrave that into his head forever. he awaited your response and it felt like an eternity. but an eternity he'll wait to hear your response. if you reject him, it's fine because at least he could stay by your side until now.

you tried to fight the words to tell kaeya you like him back. again, the words were just stuck but actions are bigger than words. so instead of telling him, you'll just show him. stepping closer to kaeya, your lips ghosting where his were, you pressed your lips against his. dropping the chocolate box on the snowy grounds, kaeya's eyes widened but returned your kiss. you tangled your fingers with his hair as he was tapping on your shoulder.

pulling apart from the kiss, kaeya was out of breath, "oh my god," his cheeks were warmer. you giggled, "i like you too. that's what i mean."

"im so glad, princess, but also it felt like you were trying to steal my soul." you wrapped your arms around him as he tried to catch his breath. "oh my god."

"kaeya, you're so cute." kaeya looked like he forgot something, "wait."

"again?"

"yes. i promise it's good." kaeya replied as he took out a rose from the plastic bag. it feels like that bag was unlimited with the items he had bought. "name, can i be your shining knight in armor forever?"

"yes, until the world ends." he put the rose behind your ear, if you're worried about if the thorns are there. don't worry about it. he painstakingly took them out by hand until he realized he could've used gloves. you dug your face into the nape of his neck, placing a kiss there. he felt your smile against his skin. "i love you kaeya."

"i love you too, name."

[cajunfoxnight]

Hi really interested in this reconstruct Au!! Do you have more information about the story?

Oh Anon.. I hope you are ready for the can of worms you have just opened 😬

I should warn you tho, I am not the best at telling a story, and im worse at explaining one. However I also want to share this AU as its been something ive been working on for 8+ years, and while it is mostly a self indulgent Monster AU, full of stereotypical troupes and cliches, its also very important to me. I made this AU when I was not in a good place mentally and was using it as a way to cope with and express the feelings I was having at the time. Its changed a lot and truth be told its actually 2 story lines that combine to become 1 down the line. But for the sake of this ask, I will focus on talking about the Reconstruct backstory.

Anyway if youre still interested in what the story is about, then please continue reading! I will do my best to try not to babble too much but.. its going to happen anyway 😅

TW: So I should probably start off with mentioning that this AU does contain emotional and physical abuse, manipulation, and mention of body mutilation. Not that im going to go into the details of that here but thats just me covering my own ass :v At the point the story is at now, Gladion is much older than he is in the games/manga/anime. His actual age isnt fully known as the theme with this AU deals with time and interdimensional travel, so its hard to keep track of, but he appears to be in his early 20s. But for all intents and purposes he is an adult.

✨The story ✨ So the Reconstruct AU is something of a "bad ending" storyline.

So this story follows that of the canon for the beginning. Mohn disappeared when he fell through an Ultra Space worm hole that was opened, and his whereabouts are unknown. Lusamine still went into her crazy and Ultra Beast obsessed self, only concerned with youth, beauty, and keeping things as under her control as much as she can. Gladion steals TYPE:NULL and Lillie taking Nebby and running away. Lillie going to live with Kukui and Gladion joining Team Skull as their enforcer.

In this timeline, Lusamine, in her desperate need to have control of everything around her, decides that she will create her "perfect world" where she will surround herself with all of the things that she loves. A place where everything will be kept exactly the way she wants them, preserved for all of time, and where she wont ever be alone again. However she knows that she can not do this on her own, but knows who can. Someone younger, stronger, and already has knowledge about the UBs and Aether. Now the hard part is getting him to join her, but she has a plan for that.

Lusamine gets in contact with Guzma (as in this story he still "works" for her) and with the help of some choice words, a good sob story, and probably a fat check, she's able to convince him that she has changed and she wants help from him to convince Gladion of these things as well. Being that he and Gladion are so close, and obviously he trusts him so much, it shouldnt be hard for him to talk some sense into him, right? She does an amazing job at getting Guzma on her side, having him think that Gladion is just being a bratty, rebellious, edgy teen. After all, he comes from some nice rich family, could have anything he wants, and yet still chose to ran away, how bad could it have possibly been? Does he even realize how bad some of these kids have it? How badly HE had it?? So generally he thinks that Gladion is just over reacting/being dramatic. He doesnt know how good he's had it, obviously!

Guzma sets up this whole "ambush". He has Gladion come back to the shady house, getting him inside and cornering him in his room, where he is confronted by Lusamine. She puts on this big show of being the sorry mother just wanting her son back, going on about how she's changed and she didnt mean to do all of those horrible things and so on and so on. All she wants is them to be a family again, like they used to be, is that really so much to ask for? Gladion is already seeing right through this, he knows all of this is bs, but he cant seem to get anyone on his side. After all, the members of Team Skull never really liked him anyway and were only going along with it bc Guzma said so. Now with Guzma against him, he has no real back up. He cant fight back and he cant even escape. Despite his stubborn nature, he still cant overcome the hold his mother has on him after all those years. She very much has him between a rock and a hard place. So not having any other option, he is forced to go back home with her.

Once back home, Gladion's life is turned upside down as Lusamine does everything she can to keep him on a short leash. All freedom that he had is now gone, and he is constantly watched and monitored, its suffocating. Much like before, he's told how to dress, how to act, what to eat and how much, he cant even so much as get near a computer or phone without someone questioning him. He cant even bring out any of his pokemon bc Lusamine has deemed most of them "too dangerous" to have out all under the pretense of doing it for his safety. The only pokemon he's able to have around him is his Umbreon, and even then, she's given a electric collar that keeps her within the property of the house, so no chance of her running off in the middle of the night or anything. While Lusamine insists that shes not keeping him there against his will, she assures him that he's allowed to leave whenever he'd like. Tho she also warns him that if he leaves, then Lillie will be taking his place. She will not be left with an empty nest. Truth be told Lillie probably would have been the easier choice between the two, she also knows that Gladion would do anything to keep her safe. So using her as leverage is how she keeps control over Gladion.

One day Lusamine casually brings up about the "Reconstruct Project" to Gladion (keeping its details very vague), mentioning its something he could help her with, as she thinks he would be interested, He shuts it down saying that he wants no part of whatever she's doing. Lusamine doesnt prese the issue, only expressing disappointment that he wont even consider her offer, but she wont force him. Rather she doesnt want to force him as she wants him to join her willingly. (Even if "willingly" means she'll force his hand) She needs him for this Project. Gladion may be stubborn, but she is so much worse.

After their initial conversation, things only got a lot worse. While he had few freedoms since all of this has started, those are gone now. He becomes cut off from his Pokemon, from the outside, he hardly has a moment of peace where he doesnt feel like he's being questioned or ordered to do something. He really is like a prisoner in his own home (well, a place he once called that). His sanity is being chipped away at, and it comes down to 2 options. -He can either join onto this Reconstruct project, whatever it is. Not knowing what fate could await him or what Lusamine as planned, but at least he'd have a chance at having some sense of a life back and limited freedom.. -Or he can live the rest of his life as Lusamine's puppet, having no freedom or will of his own (<-which is also another story of its own). His life will practically be on auto pilot, forever chained to Aether but never having a say in anything.

It takes some time but eventually Gladion does break, and asks to join the Reconstruct Project, even tho he still has no idea what it is, but anything is better than the life he is living now.

Lusamine is absolutely delighted by this news! And almost instantly, life then turns around for Gladion. He finally is given back some freedom, if not more than what he had before. He is able to move around his home without question. He gets to eat more and better than he did before, putting on some much needed muscle. He's even getting a chance to walk around outside and around the property without having some kind of chaperone. Lusamine even invites him to join her at Aether to over see some projects that they are working on as well as helping with pokemon there. She lets him join her in outings in town, taking him to eat and so on. She's essentially love bombing him, and he hesitantly accepts. All the while this is going on, he still does not know what this Reconstruct Project is bc he cant seem to find any information on it, like it almost doesnt even exist. Whenever he asks about it, Lusamine either skirts around the question or tells him that then only thing he should be concerned about is being in his best physical condition as possible. She assures him that it'll all be worth it, and shes going to give him what he's always wanted: To be stronger. But in order to that, he's going to need some "upgrades. None of this does well to ease any concerns or fears he has, but he's already gotten this far, and he doesnt want to risk going to how things were before so.. whatever it is, he's in it for better or worse. Gladion undergoes a very extensive surgery, with about 80% of his body being "Reconstructed" (hence the name) from the ground up. Its some time later that he wakes up from a induced coma and when he does the reality of what has happened to him is made clear. He is no longer human, or rather, not completely. His body a patch worked mess, a terrible jigsaw amalgamation of human and (shiny) Silvally. Lusamine delivered on her promise to make him stronger, even if she left out the finer details of it.. So that is the Reconstruct story line, or the start of it anyway. From here the story follows along with Gladion changing his name to "Reconstruct" as he has convinced himself that who he once was is no longer him. That part of him died long before it got to this point. His job is that of a glorified errand boy and protector of Aether. He mostly travels through Ultra Space and to different worlds/time to gather up UBs for Lusamine so that she can create her "perfect world". He travels through the worm holes with the aid of an altered Dusk Mane Solgaleo who has been fitted with pieces of Necrozma Armor, that acts a lot like NULL's inhibitor helmet. While its an odd life and something he would have never imagined for himself. He is still very much tied to Aether, at least in this way he has some sense of purpose and freedom. Tho in his time of traveling he has seen much, including other versions of himself (Gladion) living out lives that he knows he could never have, being with people that he cared about, knowing that he cant ever go back to how things were. He's very lonely, bitter, and jaded at the world and others. He's closed off, quick to anger, and untrusting of others. His only real reason to keep going despite everything thats happened is bc of Lillie, as knowing that at least this way he can still protect her. He is content enough to live the rest of his life like this. Even if he has to do it alone. Trying not to think about what might happened when he finishes his mission.. but, well, life certainly has a way of surprising you. And that is the story! I admit that I am going to be very surprised to know if anyone actually read all of this, but if you did please know you have my many thanks and my apologies 😅

[sillygoofyqueer]

I wrote this when I read the latest chapter of losing hope but I didn’t have time to send, so here:

Four, I love you so much.

The comfort to the hurt of the previous (and probably future) chapters?? Unparalleled. It is so late it’s early as of reading it so reading comprehension is a bit weird but frankly? I’m probably going to do a reread. Maybe of the entire fic. Who knows! Everything in this latest chapter has me squealing of joy and also crying over how bittersweet it all is! The lan juniors doing everything they can to make Wwx comfortable? And Wwx realizing who lan yuan is??? Adorable. I’m going to cry over this until the end of time. LWJ and Wwx misreading each other hurts tho. Like,

LWJ: he’s been suffering for so long while I have done nothing to stop it. Helping him and showing we care for him would be the bare minimum and I should be ashamed of myself for letting this wonderful man suffer so.

Meanwhile, Wwx: sooooo… is he going to turn me in…? Not that I want to go back but just wondering. No…??? But he hated me back then?? Guess this is the best I’ll get since everyone else wants to kill me..?

They’re idiots. I love your portrayal of them. I also can’t wait to see when LWJ realizes how much of this was done by Jin Guangyao. That man is dead twice over considering if Nie Huaisang joins LWJ in making Jin Guangyao regret living? Oh jgy is going to be begging for death.

Can’t wait for the next chapter but remember to take breaks and take care of yourself :3

Looking up at you with big ole eyes. BIG ole eyes. I am quite literally dead. Gone. On the floor and wiped out. Cough cough cough, bleh. ...... ANYWAY!!!!!!! I was really concerned when portraying Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji this chapter because...well, it's their first interaction together after thirteen years! There are complete different circumstances to canon!! So, hearing that you like how I am portraying them is nothing but literal music to my ears. Lan Wangji being the repenting worshipper and Wei Wuxian as the traumatised prisoner??? Mmmmmm. It is something that I've been wanting to write well, but I've been PETRIFIED. Also, Wei Wuxian hasn't figured out who Lan Yuan is just yet because boy oh BOY if I'm not going to make this reveal dramatic. I did Drama for GCSE, it's in my blood. And AND, I shouldn't be telling you this but because I'm so madly in love with you, you get little hints towards the plot. I literally cannot wait to introduce Nie Huaisang. I've been wrestling myself the the floor every time I want to prematurely introduce him, but trust me when I say it's going to be brilliant when he's finally dragged into the plot. And he will be. By his ear, kicking and screaming, but oh..he will be. And it will not be helpful for Jin Guangyao when he is. Don't worry! After all of this hurt I would be truly criminal to deny a little comfort. Not much though - what do you take me for? FUN FACT!!! There may be certain guest appearances in the next chapter. Who knows? Maybe you'll never know. I can't believe I haven't mentioned it yet, but I am truly violently sobbing. I'm thrashing around in my grave (where I'm writing this from) every time I reread this ask. I LOVE YOU TO BITS. YOU BRING SUCH JOY IN MY LIFE. AAAAAAGGGGGHHHH. On another note...am I writing chapter ten?.....DON'T LOOK AT MY DOC. DON'T LOOK AT IT. THERE'S NO PROOF. I'm not procrastinating my summer work to write it.. (listen, I've only just realised that this is exactly what I'm doing. Will I sort that out? No. BACK TO THE DOC-) (context here)

[halsteadlover]

Just a little rant here about my personal life so feel free to skip lol

I know nobody is gonna read this and I’ll probably delete this when I’ll come to my senses but right now I feel so depressed I just need to get this out of my chest. I always felt tumblr like a safe space so here I am.

I don’t know if you remember the times where I took some time off because of anxiety and my mental health.

Lately it feels like it’s getting worse and I really don’t know what to do, I don’t know if many of you will relate (I really hope not) but it’s just like I don’t know how to be happy and I really hate it here man. I’m so tired of feeling like this, always worrying and having anxiety about something I don’t even know about. I feel so crazy sometimes you know? Like there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m honestly so grateful for the things god gave me. I’m healthy, I have a loving family (even if sometimes they’re overbearing to the point of crazy), I get to study for my dream job, I have a bf that puts up with my ass, friends even if few of them, there’s nothing wrong there are so many worse things people go through and I don’t even have to right to rant about any of this. So why do I feel like I don’t deserve any of this?

I have such deep trust issues it’s ruining my life and relationships, I don’t know why. I hate myself and I sometimes think I don’t deserve to be loved, I’m not that speciale and I’m so damn insecure that every good thing that happens in my life I can’t help but think it’s gonna fade in a minute, that something bad might happen, that I’m so easily replaceable.

Sometimes I truly think that if I disappeared no one would notice or miss me, I thought about doing it but I’m so damn scared. I don’t know where this is coming from, maybe the bullying had something with it I don’t honestly know but I’m so tired of feeling like this.

Why can’t I just love me? Why can’t I enjoy a single good thing that happens to me? Why do I keep sabotage myself by thinking I don’t deserve any happiness and it’ll soon fade away?

For example, these last two days I took three different exams and even though I’m relieved I can’t help but think I’m such a failure, that my parents are so disappointed in me for taking so long to finish a degree I was supposed to finish years ago.

I had an anxiety attack yesterday morning while I was with my bf and I sobbed for hours while he held me but if you ask me what triggered it I wouldn’t know how to answer you.

Why am I like this? Why am I not normal?

It’s just a bit of everything and I honestly don’t know what to do.

But please don’t judge me. I’m aware these “problems” are nowhere serious like some others and I’m so sorry for being so dramatic it’s just… I don’t know guys, I just want to be happy, to feel loved without actually thinking about the worst.

Am I soo pretentious? Do I sound so ungrateful? Complaining about these things when I have everything some people unfortunately dream of? I don’t want to sound like that and I feel so guilty about having these thoughts.

I know you’ll think I’m an attention seeker, fishing for compliments or things like that, I’ve been told that before here and I’m so sorry if it seems that way but trust me it’s the opposite of that. I’m telling this here because I guess it’s easier behind the screen, when no one knows you and can really judge you, but I also thing you’ll judge me anyway but at least it was good for me to let this out.

If someone reads this I hope you won’t think of me any less, and if you’re feeling something like this too I’m so sorry and if you want to talk my inbox and DMs are ALWAYS open for you guys, I’m here even if it takes me some time to answer.

Sorry if something doesn’t make any sense, I didn’t even read this back I’m just cried my eyes out while writing this post and now I have a headache. At least I hope the sleeping will be good lmao.

But tomorrow will be better, I’m sure of this.

[stormblessed95]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks....

Hi! This is an impossible question (i love these questions). Because I fall in love with characters so easily 😅 and I hyperfixate HARD. lol, so if you asked this 6 months ago, or ask again in another 6 months or with slightly different parameters, you'd likely get a totally different list from me. 😂 but I'll give you some of my most current top 10 character loves. And before ANYONE JUDGES ME, I'm well aware these characters being my favorites heavily implies I need therapy... I already know! Also, I'm still fairly new to anime. There is still ALOT I haven't seen. SO in no particular order, some of my top 10 favorites (and yes, I'll probably cheat and name more than 10 if i have multiple favs from one series, im not sorry):

Kaladin Stormblessed/Jasnah Kholin - From Stormlight Archive (Book)

I relate to Kaladins struggle with depression alot, not only that, but his strength and courage and the way he is always ready to step up to help and protect others. Jasnah is a queen, she is such a strong woman and a role model of a character and so wise. And a total and complete badass. Smarter than everyone in the room? Yes. Blow up a man who attempts to mug her? Also yes. 😍

Zuko - From ATLA (TV Show)

The ultimate redemption arc and childhood crush character! A badass, a sweetheart, an asshole but with a caring heart and that endearingly awkward struggle of him trying to make friends. He is just so cool

Itachi Uchiha/Kakashi Hatake - From Naruto (Anime)

I can't pick between them and you can't make me! They are both so OP, so cool, so badass, so dramatic and have the best fight scenes and the ability to make me emotional as fuck

Olivier Armstrong/Roy Mustang - From Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood (Anime)

Roy's revenge arc 😳😍 lol plus we love a badass man who loves the people around him and also doesn't mind knowing when he needs to let the others around him step up! General Armstrong, man idk if I wanted to be her when I grow up or be WITH her. Probably both. She is the KING. She is the toughest in the room. She takes no bullshit. I'm obsessed with her. When her and teacher were working together for a bit? I was in love. Lol

Hua Cheng- From TGCF (Donghua)

Obsessive, protective, will do anything for his love, will be his most devoted worshiper? Takes no shit? Is the strongest MF out there? Soft for the love of his life only? Is it lowkey a little toxic when I put it this way? A little. Lmfao am I in love with it anyway? Yes. He is like the definition of scary dog privilege lmao

Kaz Brekker - From Six of Crows (Book)

He IS the smartest person around and he will let you know about it. And he will pull off the impossible with no one knowing how he did it. He has got plans upon plans. And not only that, but he uses a cane, has a disability, has chronic pain, has the most intense ptsd. And it's written SO WELL and it's SO RELATABLE (the chronic pain part, not the rest of his tragic as fuck backstory) and he is the most insane badass.

Inosuke/Akaza - From Demon Slayer (Anime)

Inosuke is just fucking insane and I love that so much. Lmfao literally child raised by wolves, is a loveable beast type character. 😂 I just want his happiness. And I love that he is an absolute weirdo and also a badass. Akaza is just.... such a good character so far! Lol and don't think that just because he is my favorite, I'm not rooting for the demon slayers to get their revenge! I am! I just also love him and I love how he is also insane, loves being powerful and I just know his backstory is probably going to make me cry. The way this show makes me SOB all the time!

Vin/Kelsier - From Mistborn (Book)

Listen, does Vin suffer as a character from "not like all the other girls" syndrome, yes. Do I LOVE everything about her and how stupidly strong and badass she is anyway? Yes. I also love that the book has HER saving the male love interest and being the white knight too instead of the other way around as per usual. Kelsier is a genius and a madman and a crazy murderer.... and I love him so much. The man has ZERO CHILL AND IS DRAMATIC TO THE CORE. I love everything about that honestly.

Nico Di Angelo/Percy Jackson - From PJO series (Book)

I'm having a hard time explaining myself for all of these and not just repeating "i just love them okay?!" Lol Look, Percy is THAT guy. He is the hero. He is the perfect boyfriend. He is the ultimate crush for everyone in the series. Lol he is loyal to a literal fault. He has the darkness and rage inside him that he keeps leashed and let's out whenever he needs to. Nico is RIGHT UP THERE TOO. The powerhouses these 2 are! Nico is scary and grumpy and adorable and just needs to be loved and they've been through so much and I just need them to have the happiest of endings. Nico deserves the world. He is also scary dog privilege too. He is perfection and speaks deeply to my emo kid heart.

Octavia Blake - From the 100 (TV Show)

I'm forever and Octavia sympathizer. She DID THE BEST SHE COULD WITH WHAT SHE HAD AND SHE SAVED EVERYONE SO MANY TIMES. She was the most badass. The underdog story and the most tragic ending to her romance and even when she lowkey went off the deepend, it was understandable. Lol that's my bitch, and I'm sticking with her!

....

So yeah, they all lowkey are lovable assholes here honestly. No one worry about me please, I'm fine Maybe i just like mean bitches who are hidden softies full of love super deep down 😅😏 Honestly, my husband is the worldest sweetest man ever. I promise my real life taste is not so filled with red flags like 85% of this list is. 🤣🤣 I fully know how this list could look lol

[hauntedjpegcollection]

enemies

wc: 1077 au: mercenary au ch: mouse + tino

“Please, don’t let them hurt me.”

She says it to him because he looks like the type to fall for it. The type to be too kind to be a soldier; like there's a hint of someone in those pretty brown eyes who hates all this violence. Maybe rebukes it--has nightmares about it later. Very cute. He won't find a reflection of that person in her; but she's escalating the terror in her eyes as much as she can. On her knees, hands tied up behind her back.

Captured. Go fucking figure.

It's not necessarily fake, either. Unfortunately. That shine in her eyes is partially real--someone had hit her in the face, pretty fucking hard. Had knocked loose a little blood. Just a dribble of it from her nose. A bead rolls over her lip, and she resists tasting it with her tongue. The blood will make her look properly pathetic.

And they won't kill her. Not yet, anyway. Valuable for the time being--that doesn't mean they won't hurt her. And she's not interested in torture. A whole been there, done that kind of vibe. No need to revisit (enough nightmares to last a lifetime, a few scars that will never fade). So she's staring at this SAS soldier, that salt and pepper look to him and thinking, oh this one for sure.

Mouse's eyes wander over him, standing as he is. He's thick in his tac gear. Built with strong arms, bear paws of hands. And her eyes linger on one of those hands too, because there's a hint of a tattoo. One she thinks she recognizes, enough to make the cogs start turning in her head. Handsome, older, soft eyed--rosary tattoo.

Just them, waiting in the room for transport.

She lets herself bow forward, head sinking.

“God, help me,” she chokes out, in what she thinks, is a very convincing sob. It’s soft and not dramatic. She’s not putting her full chest into it, making it a little whimper. As if she’d said it without meaning for him to hear—but he does. Shifts on his feet a bit, those heavy tactical boots crunching on the floor. Mouse blinks a few times. Then screws her eyes shut and shakes her head a little. Needs those tears and blood to look wet.

When she looks up, Mouse lets her knees part further. She sinks lower, real small and real sad. Look how weak I am, look how weak and sad and pathetic I am. Look at me. Look at me...And he does, and there's a roundness to his shoulders now. A softening up--like warm butter. Mouse wants to smile but that would probably ruin it.

“I—I’m just a specialist—I don’t—” She scoots forward and he raises a hand. She can see the rough callouses of his palm. She briefly thinks they must feel nice sliding over skin. He looks like the kind of man to enjoy missionary. Slow and gentle and romantic, cradling his lover close. He'd like a soft kiss to the brow, a gentle bite to his ear lobe, eye contact.

“Need you to stay quiet,” he says. It’s not a threat. Just an order. She nods her head, feels that blood slide harder from her nose and it makes her recoil from herself. She sniffs and then tears are able to spill from her eyes—fucking finally. They fall wet and fat, roll right off her chin.

“The rope hurts,” she whispers. “And the blood—feels funny,” Mouse laughs that out, not her usual note. It’s a soft aren’t I sad? “Can you get it for me?”

He stares at her, his face carefully constructed for a soldier. All hard planes, all serious. But she can see a small shift in his expression. A little hesitancy and a little give. Mouse holds her tongue, makes her eyes big, stares up from the floor. He’s tall like that. Attractive, in that way older men are. Missionary is boring, she’d tell him. You should try it rough.

The soldier lifts a hand—I bite, she thinks, laughing inside her own head, hard—and his thumb gently brushes underneath her nose. She sighs out, lets the warmth of that breath touch his palm as he brushes. Her eyelashes flutter, her face tilting toward his hand. That’s not necessarily staged. She’s always been one for a soft touch to the face. Always liked those big, rough, soldiers hands when they curl in a little gentle.

“That better?” His voice is still gentle, but there’s some roughness laced in with it—Mouse smiles, maybe with too much teeth because his eyes assess her immediately. So she leans her head forward, lets it sag into his thigh. He should back up, should get away from her, but she must be doing something to this poor soldier. Hell. He’s not doing nothing to her, either. Could be a worse man to try and manipulate.

“I’m scared,” she mumbles against the rough fabric of his tactical trousers. He smells like sweat and gunpowder. Unfortunately, her brains wired that to be a lot more arousing than it should. “Sir.” Maybe thats heavy handed—but all soldiers seem to want someone saying that one little word to them, breathy and hot. His hand moves, seems to tuck under her chin.

“Stop that,” he’s admonishing her and it makes her laugh—in her real laugh, which is a slip up because he holds her a little rougher. She tilts her head back to look at him, his hand holding her face and—well. She accidentally Mouse’s a bit too hard because she smiles her real smile. All sweet and pretty, and since his hand is so close—she brushes her tongue out, lathes it over that calloused hand, licks her blood right off his finger.

Mouse only gets to have her teeth skate over his finger for a moment before his hand jerks her back roughly by the shoulder. He spins her so she’s facing the wall—it’s a difficult scrabble across hard concrete for her and she’s hissing when he does. His hand rests on her head, gently tucking it toward the brick.

“Don’t turn around again, now. Alright? You hear?”

She huffs out a petulant little sound. Her tongue is salty from the blood.

“Don’t get mad at me if you liked that,” she snaps.

Fine, she’d find a different way out SAS capture.

[joshriku]

hi! I really enjoyed your last cherik fic list, you have great taste. do you have more recs about old cherik? maybe also some post dark phoenix (I mean, they were supposed to be old but they forgot lol). only when you have the time!

you're so lovely omg thank you! i do!! here u go

get out of town by firstlightofeos: i recently read this and it's so fucking good omg. i am not immune to tropes where a 3rd character has to be like 'can you guys get over yourselves and FUCK' and especially if it's old men cherik :sob: OF ALL PEOPLE. THEY NEED IT SO BADç

all you are made of by fengirl88: oghgojoOGH theres this bit:

“Two minutes to make you drop it,” Charles says, mock-outraged. “I must be losing my touch.”

“Menace,” Erik says lovingly, “stop distracting me.”

IT REALLY LIKE......FUCKS UP WITH MY MENTAL HEALTH...........LIKE SHUT UP HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH. IM GOING TO DIE

tempus fugit by franzbibliotek: the character writing on this one is so fucking insane. you have to work with me here bc this is comic cherik and comics just have things happen in them. . anyway charles comes back from the dead after stealing a body that's like in it's mid 30s, jsut, your casual stuff. anyway. holy shit. charles' inner monologue on this mmmmmwah im fucking obssessed

pillow talk by pearl_o: i might have recced this already BUT IT BEGS RECCING AGAIN this is literally my favorite kind of fics where they just. lie next to each other. talk for a while. they're old and in love :(

a day when we can finally rest by pocky_slash: i am no timmune to fics where they depict how long they both have waited and waited to be together because it makes me cry ok. wow. love can thrive and continue and they jsut lvoe each other so much :( FUCK!!!!!

pity the man by franzbibliothek: this is kinda angsty i will warn you since i usually just read happy stuff but it's GOOD ok. pre dark phoenix when charles is just like on his 90th mental breakdown,. my g od. the way op writes charles. you get it.

adventures in babysitting (worried grandpa remix) by sebastian2017: literally my favorite thing about erik is that he's a grandpa. okay. it might be bc tommy is my fave character but i am just,,,,,,,,SOBSBSBS... DO U KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

one night in westchester by brotherfromanothermother: this is literally the funniest fuckign fic in the world. just. old man magneto buying condoms. it makes me cry. i lvoe it

close enemies by andraste: i might have recced this? MAYBE? but this is animated series cherik. and if i have recced it..THEN ILL DO IT AGAIN. THOSE SAVAGE LAND EPISODES WERE INSANE

habitual by xtinethepirate: i love dark phoenix cherik. i love erik in this fic. i like when fic writers write erik caring for charles but not being overly indulging like he Is willing to call him out. ESPECIALLY post dp cherik. SO GOOD.

marks by unforgotten: i love. i love. love the idea of erik 'kidnapping' charles and him being too busy grading to pay attention to him. which offends him greatly. i think magneto should always be funny and dramatic.

necessary downtime by unforgotten: AND THEYRE MARRIED. OOOH MY GOD THEY WERE MARRIED. not related to me also being a teacher but i love when it's just fics like charles being really tired from school work. he's so me. that's also me. finally realistic mcs

fossils (the something old, something new remix): AHHGHGHG I LTIERALYJL CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF FICS WHERE THEY GET TO ENJOY BEING MARRIED LIKE. ITS SO GOOD. IT MAKES ME CRY SO MUCH . MAYBE OLD MEN IN LOVE ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN THERAPY..? JURY IS OUT ON THIS ONE

rue de la paix by ireliss: (THROWIGN UP AND CRYING) GOODNESS. MOURNING. OLD MEN. TOUCH STARVED CHARACTERS. IT CANT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS. post dark phoenix

everything about it is a love song: if i told you how many times i cried reading this id have to be taken out and immobilized. it's bad out here. it is really bad out here!!!!! (ITS A REALLY GOOD FIC!! I LOVE IT!!) it's probably one of my fave old men fic ever just like someplace that is green which was on my other post but its osjhfddohfdj ITS OSO OGHG OGGH OGH!!!!!!

sing me to sleep: i love dofp cherik. I do. i love them so fukcing bad i love seeing those old men reunited and helping each other and being deeply in love despite the world going to shit it is SO deeply personal to me this fi ci ss os much.

the o(l)dd couple: i love fics that involve the press and such reactions to Them. and outsider pov is always so enjoyable. i love this fic i think its one of the first few i read?? SO GOOD

into the open by clockworkrobots: i just. this fic is so good. it's like the first fic i bookmarked almost. the tag erik's gay socialist farm island cracks me up every time then ir ead this and i sob and cry again fr

hope u enjoy!!

[mochiwrites]

I'm here and it's midnight and I am 👀👀👀

So dear readers this comment is definitely gonna contain spoilers (so read hello my old heart first <3) but I simply MUST scream <3

So first of all AAAAA MY HEART, Mumbo thinks he's only good for killing :( It comes so easy to him and just kjfgdkjg he's good at his job even if he doesn't like it and he KNOWS Scar and Grian would tell him he's wrong but he thinks it and that's enough to be absolutely heartbreaking </3

HJjkfgsdlk it takes Scar a month to send him back out, I wonder if it's because of the lack of targets or because he wanted to keep Mumbo close by......... my vote's on the latter lol- but Mumbo wanting to retain his financial independence even when he's basically living with Scar and Grian is just. I understand that feeling hjgfkjd-

SERVANT OF THE GRIM REAPER that is such a badass way to describe an assassin 👀👀 Also how dare that one line alone give me a whole new idea for an AU??? Mochi how could you do this to me- ANYWAY Mumbo being numbed to the pleas, just clean taking out his target and getting the info he needs. Such a badass I love him, he's scary <3 But 👀 That hesitation over the file labeled "Family"........ why do I get the feeling that is gonna come back and it's gonna hit him AND me way too fucking hard I am. Expecting death from that little drop, Mochi what are you planning-

LOOK I HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THE CUPBOARD. I was like "👀👀 Is it? But no, it can't be... can it? Brown hair spilling out of a hood... could it.... is it? 👀👀👀" THANK THE GODS ABOVE AND BELOW THAT MUMBO DOESN'T SHOOT FIRST ASK NEVER hjgfdjkgf-!

I had completely forgot for a moment that Scar and Ren are (tentative) allies at this point and got a little worried when she said she worked for Ren hjfksjgfsjk SHE JUST IMMEDIATELY ASKS TO MEET SCAR when Mumbo reveals he works for him, and the fact that he gives in because she pleads with him because she's LOOKING for someone and is being VULNERABLE in that moment and it's just. Mumbo is gonna destroy me, isn't he? Mochi, you're going to kill me, I can feel it already and I am already crying. Mochi. pls-

THE PAPERWORK SCENE. Grian being a little shit. I love them. I love their joking and their flirting and Scar's dramatics and JELLIE <3 Jellie is the highlight of the chapter, the queen of the crew /j/j Awwwwwwwww they already miss Mumbo <3 And Grian is worrying about him I love them so much and I am going to say that half a million times btw just so you know, but they're so worried and want him to come home and and and- AND THERE HE ISSSSSS <3 the boy is home and the Grian is DELIGHTED I love-

"Hello love" look I am going to go feral I love when characters call their SO's "love" I am. It is. It is such a. A wonderful endearment I am hjfgsdjkfdsjk <3 Grian is so stubborn and it's fucking adorable, him just like "I did not miss you one bit" while clinging to him like a limpet kjgfdjkgfdjk I love them okay- "...mustache still fully intact" yes this is CLEARLY a VERY important thing, yes <3 Also the fact that Grian doesn't know about the thumb drive is. Hm 👀 I guess he doesn't NEED to know, so far as, ah, business is concerned, but. Hm. Still-

THERE SHE IS SHE'S HERE SHE'S ALIVE THE CONFIRMATION I AM 👀👀👀👀👀 WITH SO MUCH JOY OUR GIRL IS ALIVE WONDERFUL <3 This reunion is so. SO. The uncertainty that this is real, the confusion and the hopeful joy, the knowing she's real when they embrace, because it's warm and solid and familiar and just- them <3 And the fact that Mumbo and Scar realize that this is a moment they should probably let them have alone, let them have this reunion and this talk to themselves- it's like an extension of trust, realizing that this is. This is important and fragile and so so so meaningful, and knowing that she won't hurt Grian- and it is just. I am. I love. Am just SOBBING over this <3

He has fully embraced his new(ish) identity and honestly I love that so much for him <3

PEARL SURVIVED off of a game plan, sheer stubborness and a determination to see Grian again- I love her so much, she means everything to me. The hubris of the Watchers being their downfall, assuming she was dead without checking- I LOVE IT you know I love a good "be my own downfall" plot point. Wonderful. And the fact that she almost died and was saved by mere CHANCE. AND IMPULSE. FATHER FIGURE IMPULSE. 2/3 Soup Group Fam let's gooooo! But oh my god the fact that Pearl was THAT CLOSE this whole time......... MOCHI I AM BITING WHAT THE F- Laughing because there is nothing else you can do is one of the most painful things in the world <3 Laughing because you're crying and there is a cruel irony in the world and it's so funny :) Because they were so close this whole time and were hurting and missing each other and it's irony in one of the worst ways and just </3 They laugh. They laugh. (I'm sorry the laughter got to me bc I do not read it as genuine "wow this is so funny" laughter but as "wow that is so fucked up" laughter, laughing because the only other option is sobbing haha <3 I am fun at parties-)

GUILT. GUILT. GUILT. She didn't come back but he never expected her to because he thought she was dead so the fact she's here now is so much more than he ever expected and just kfdskjfd how can he be mad when this is LOADS better than anything he ever expected?? They're here now, together, and as a bonus they're not on opposite sides of a war hjgfrkj even if Grian's immediately reaction is "ew, Ren?" lMAO-

The fact Grian just assumes she means his relationship with Scar rather than how he came to work for Scar is just. Such sibling energy, it's beautiful haha <3

My god such a weight has been lifted from Grian's shoulders, his fear about his love killing people- now he knows it was all a lie and she's here and they're here and it wasn't his fault, that is just. I love this for him. I love it for them. I love them both <3

"... if he doesn't strangle her with a pillow first." Yep, yep. Siblings. Wonderful! I love it

MOCHI THIS CHAPTER WAS SO GOOD I AM ACTUALLY DYING OVER HERE this was everything, the Mumscarian, the Siblings, the Revelation, I am SO happy she turned out to be alive, I was so afraid this whole time and I am. I am SO. I love this AU <3

.... I love them :) <3 WONDERFUL JOB AS USUAL and I am so glad to see you so enthusiastic about writing it again <3

Welcome back, GoodCrimesWithMumscarian <3

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HI ACI I'M FINALLY GETTING TO THIS FJGHFJGFH

OKAY SO. lots to unpack here huh :3

I know I don't talk about it much since grian is my main guy but god mumbo.... mumbo in this au is heartbreaking to me, and I sincerely hope to explore that further in the second half of the series. we've gotten just about all of scar's story, but grian and mumbo are left a little more... unclear. though if anything we know more about grian than we do mumbo.

and if all goes according to plan, that Will change. there's a lot to be explored with mumbo; his past, his mental state, etc etc. poor guy is traumatized as hell and I've only just started to scratch the surface of it all.

(scar definitely keeps mumbo close because he wants to protect him. I tried to state that in the fic without explicitly going "yeah mumbo's been doing nothing bc scar is worried about cub getting to him.")

I had a feeling as soon as I mentioned a woman with brown hair in a cabinet that people would think it was pearl GHFHGJFH hence why I didn't give anything away until she met with grian <33 but yeah, thank GOD mumbo asked first, shot later jhgfjf

and yes, mumbo WILL kill you :3 I've got Plans(tm)

CAN I JUST SAY THE PAPERWORK SCENE FELT SO CATHARTIC TO WRITE???? like finally!!!!! the boys can flirt and be gay on main!!!!! they can be in love and be happy about it!!!!!! also grian being worried about mumbo was one of my favorite parts <3

AND LOOK. LOOK. I CALL MY PARTNERS LOVE. ITS MY CRIME FIC AND I GET TO PROJECT /lh GHFHGFJG but GOD I'm so weak for "love" as a term of endearment, it makes me waIL

finally, at the bread and butter of this entire thing. PEARL <3333 god I had to revise that scene of her and grian a few times because I wanted it to be perfect. I had certain points laid out for myself that I knew I wanted to hit (grian's guilt, how pearl escaped, impulse mention) and it took a few tries to get that right.

it was planned basically from the beginning for impulse to be the one to find pearl and take her in <3

but yeah, hehe, pearl and grian were THAT close to one another the whole time. pearl doesn't necessarily work for ren, so there was never all that high of a chance of her running into grian while doing smth for ren. but they were def closer than they originally thought.

they laugh because if they don't, they'll look at each other and sob. you nailed the laughter bit, yeah.

I think the thing I love about grian and pearl is that a lot of their life was led by guilt. for pearl it was guilt that she left grian behind, even though she promised to come back for him. for her it was her living a normal life with impulse, going to school, experiencing the life of a teenager, while grian was still suffering. she definitely had moments of "is this okay? am I allowed this while he's suffering?" and grian's guilt came from believing he was the reason she was killed. for years he thought her blood was on his hands. and despite feeling guilty for a different reason, he still asked those same questions, "is this okay? should I be allowed this when her death was my fault?"

...I am slowly coming to realize that the power of guilt is basically like an integral theme to this au huh.

ANYWAYS!!!!

eeeee I'm glad you liked it !!!!! :D I'm so happy to finally be able to share that pearl is in fact Not Dead, and now there's more to the au that I can discuss!!!! <3

[ratcandy]

hi MASSIVE TOH SEASON 3 EPISODE 1 SPOILERS below don't read if haven't watched I am about to go off my rocker

also abuse tw mention because 😦

first of all FLAPJACK. I proceed to punch a wall

I did not expect to actually start bawling my eyes out but hot damn what the fuck . Why is Flapjack dying what got me above everything else in this show. Like I've gotten teary and emotional over other moments but Flapjack dying and all of Hunter's dialogue that proceeded it just made me SOB ??????????????

Also hello fluid as fuck animation in that fight scene 😳 i misse d you

so anyway. Now we gotta talk about possessed!Hunter right. While that's a bombass design and I love the look of it and his body language in the fluid parts of the animation is impeccable, it's also incredibly. URGH. NO I don't LIKE it. No I HATE it, actually. There's something just . Incomprehensibly genuinely upsetting about Hunter's former abuser taking over his body and using it to kill his emotional support animal

it's SO fucked up and I'm all for horrible twisted shit but also for fuck's sake man can Hunter get a fucking break!!! Can he like!!! Be free for two minutes!!!!!

I think it just feels like such a consecutive gut punch because we're missing so much extra filler and that's what makes me all the more sad. You can TELL you can TASTE how much more they wanted to expand on this, how much more there was to elaborate on, but they just didn't have the time and so Hunter Really Going Thru It yet again just feels like . got dam he really did not get a single break my guy can't even REST!!! it feels to me like he's just constantly through the ringer because it's all we've been able to see and that SUCKS

but they make a whole point of saying he has been happier in the human realm ("you've smiled so much since we got here" from Gus, something along those lines) . They want us to know he Has been happy for the past few months, there HAS been a break. n I feel like that was their way of trying to say ,,, Look See he's been at semi-sorta-peace for a little while! He's gone without Unspeakable Horrors for like a FEW MONTHS , we promise, we swear, it's not consecutive unending pain, he's been Pretty Good for a while (ignoring identity crises that we also unfortunately can't elaborate on because of time but you saw a little glimpse of it in that intro sequence). and NOW we're just making him Worse

but still like AUUGHhghsgghh. I don't Like the further implications of Any of the possession stuff mannnnn ughurhghgrh

AND ALSO FLAPJACK i punch the wall again FUCK!!!

anyway expanding on Flapjack a little . So when Belos did his whole fucking thing, he said "goodbye Evalyn," and we see during the whole Hayride sequence that Evalyn gave Caleb Flapjack (or taught him to make Flapjack).

For a moment, though, I was mortified misunderstanding that Flapjack was Evalyn, even if that wouldn't make any sense ghsdgkJHSDG

oh also we know Evalyn's name now. Yea that's a thing. We know the name of the witch that Caleb fell in love with or whatever. And honestly. I had to stop after I heard that and go "aawww maaan" because. C'mon. looks at the camera

Evalyn? Edalyn? Not even Tryin to hide that they're related huh

Mngmrh this is a personal gripe of mine, but honestly I really hoped the theory about "the witch Caleb loved being an ancestor of the Clawthorne's" wasn't canon sdhgkh it just . Again this is personal bias. I have never liked the cliché of "you've been related this whole time!" kinda thing. Different when the antagonist and protagonist are set up as related from the start. I don't like when it's a plot twist or anything like that. it's so. m.

just not really my thing n I'm a little disappointed to get lowkey confirmation that it's probably canon sdghskjdghsdghkl because almost inevitably it'll be revealed in a whole dramatic thing and it'll be like RelATed TO BEloS THIS WHOle Time ?!? !? and i'll be like I Do Not See It

Well all that aside. Holds Camila in my hands. mom of the year award you deserve the entire world

[domesticated-whores]

hey, my mental health is being really bad and I'm venting a bit about it, sorry. trigger warning for suicide talk.

but I am doing so fucking unwell right now. I have basically a test at work tomorrow that I'm 99.99% sure that I'm going to pass, but I'm stressed about anyway because I'm an anxious person in general. not really something that I can help.

my anxiety has been in toddler-fighting-sleep mode, basically, where I could convince myself that I'm fine and be in a good mood while I was at work but I keep making silly mistakes and the second I'm alone with my thoughts I'm super not okay. not handling that well at all.

the guy I talk to was off work today and has been utter shit at texting me all day. no idea what he's been doing, I'm not mad at him over it because he could totally been busy or just doing something that isn't important but is attention holding enough to not text back during his day off. he knows that I'm an anxious person and that I'm a bit nervous about the test thing, but not really the extent of my anxiety. especially because he's assured me that I'll do fine and my answer was very "I know, it isn't logically hard, I just don't want to do it and will be happier when it's over" and shit. I really thought that since I was off earlier today and he was off all day he'd tell me to come over when I left work, but he didn't. absolutely not required, again not mad that he didn't, I was just hoping he would because he works late the next 3 days so it won't be an option until this weekend. I could have asked to come over when I first got off work, but I already have a major fucking anxiety spike and no matter what causes my anxiety it always circles back to "everyone hates me" type shit so I wasn't about to ask someone to put up with me while like that. if he were to ask, it would be proof that he actually wanted me to come over. or, at least, that's how my anxiety sees it and it's BAD right now so I can't really convince myself otherwise at this moment. Also, he's been taking actual fucking hours to answer and hasn't been online at all besides that from the looks of it today, so I have no reason to believe that he'd even see or answer if I did ask and he's presumably doing something like I said, and in my current mental state I can take an assumed no but I think a real (even totally valid, reasonable) no would completely break me and I not putting myself in that position.

but I have been curled up sobbing on and off due to anxiety since I got home, for about 2 hours now. I need some kind of fucking distraction but nothing is holding my attention like that. he's not answering or even seeing messages a fraction as quickly as I'd need him to to calm me down and I refuse to be clingy or needy or vulnerable enough to ask him to. my only solid option is trying my best to go to sleep as soon as possible and hope that I sleep through an entire 12 hours just so I don't have to stay conscious, because my thoughts are getting really bad over this. like, if I don't pass this test (which I will pass, which is set up for me to pass) then I am quitting my job, going home, and killing myself. I'm not kidding or exaggerating, that is my honest to god current intention. tomorrow I'll probably force myself through the test, pass just fine, and feel silly for being so dramatic right now. but right now I've been alone with my thoughts for too long and my stress over one thing has escalated to full blown death of my self worth and a massive fucking narc crash. I haven't even failed the damn thing yet, just the mere IDEA that I could fail something so fucking simple is killing me, and if I do fail then I really can't do a damn thing right and therefore don't deserve to fucking live. I cannot just not meet this BARE FUCKING MINIMUM standard for myself and expect to fucking go on. I cannot.

and I'm mad that I have to just deal with the fact that I am here completely alone. because I've done all I could in saying I'm not fucking well over this, but it probably literally just wasn't direct enough because I'm not going to be so fucking clingy and weak and fucking pathetic. because I have one person worth a damn that's my equal, that I actually can talk to right now, and he isn't fucking answering. and I can't ask for more because I'm not going to be so fucking clingy. because I spiral so fucking far over stupid fucking shit because my standards for myself are so fucking high that the mere POSSIBILITY of not hitting them has me genuinely not only contemplating but planning out suicide. and it's fucking stupid, and I fucking hate it, and I can't fucking do it anymore. so everyone at work better fucking hope I pass this shit tomorrow because that'll be a real fucking awkward situation when I just stop showing up or answering even my friend, lol.

[sunnyrifle]

「I killed a man」

about Morita eventually killing someone with his own hands if he'd remain at Ginji's side...

tags!!: Mature ▪️ asphyxiation ▪️ mostly MoriGin

⚠️⚠️unedited, also NO ONE in this conversation is a native english speaker (some parts were translated or held in other languages as well)⚠️⚠️

Pansy: also I bet Gin knows a lot of people have died because of him, either murdered by their debt or by suicide

Akira: oh yeah for sure, I bet Ginji's both naive to use lame excuse "oh I didn't kill them directly so not my fault, their downfall/had it coming" and also smart enough to emotionally feel that he has caused multiple deaths already

Pansy: he knows Mori saw a lot of death and almost got killed that night, but he shows up to the fucking hospital with roses and "sup dude"

he is constantly minimizing Mori's pain that's why he lost him in the end

if Mori kills someone Gin would be terrible as emotional support. he would probably avoid the topic and secretly hope it won't happen again

Akira: yup hahha he's awful for not having any coping mechanisms for that kind of deal he's kind of a coward

"oh as long as me or him doesn't kill anyone it's fine" that's just cowardly

Pansy: Mori in all fours being a dog as usual and he makes a confession "I killed a man :3"

Gin is shocked and terrified for a moment but rewards him anyways!!!

I bet Gin would regret it because deep inside he doesn't want Mori to be less pure, but he knows it was him who pushed Mori to this. and when Mori expects a reward it's probably hard to say no

Akira: oh I'd love to see some kind of arc where Morita shows up all beat up covered in blood, his or not, and doesn't exactly tell what happened, he's kind of manic too, almost as if something broke inside of him 

and then he confesses he killed a man but like after some time, maybe in some very very intimate moment like a pillow talk or in between 

imagine him fucking Ginji, they're mid rounds bc Morita can't handle himself since then, they have a pause where they're almost in the climax but they both are breathless already, and Morita just blurs out "I killed him", rubbing off his forehead from sweat; Ginji's like "..eh?" then grumbles bc Morita continues to move, each new push deeper harsher almost punishingly bad, and Ginji's almost ready to ask him to stop until Morita chuckles and almost laughs again "I killed that man..!" and presses Ginji down being almost not controlling about his thoughts spiralling and chasing the high just by pure body pleasure already, and while he sees Ginji squirming under his hand and his movements and pace, he almost breaks down, silent tears streaming down his face as he smiles but it's broken and crooked... "I am a murderer, Gin-san" and a huge sob

oh I want Ginji to regret so so much;; I actually want him to feel guilty for sending Morita out on solo missions all the time hahah

Pansy: man this makes me think of another possible setting, Ginji doesn't know why Mori seems to be gradually changing and getting more aggressive during sex, then one day one of the men working for him gets drunk and finally tells him Mori killed someone but was keeping it a secret from Gin

Akira: UGH the ultimate betrayal !! imagine you're cheating with a murder, bc that's probably how Ginji would feel as when he'd understand why Morita's harsh with him

Pansy: that night during sex Gin starts feeling uneasy, maybe even scared. Morita puts his hands on his throat and chokes him for a moment. Enough to scare him even more

it would be a fun way to balance Gin's evil karma! when he finally tells Mori he knows, I wonder if Morita will stay silent or cry. or say sorry, or put his hands on his throat again

The way Gin reacted when Mori was stabbed was so dramatic, he really looked terrified for a second. he should feel that way again

Akira: DAMN if Morita's choking him, Ginji's scared and it's visible by his eyes wide open, Morita finally backs off and sits down, his head hanging low but just bc he thinks he caused the worst thing ever (aka Mori did get PTSD during sex sometimes too so he's guilty for a moment) but Ginji just coughs and clears his throat, adding "I know already", Morita jerks his head up and Ginji's rubbing his neckline but also says "I know you killed a person" and Morita grinds his teeth - then suddenly attacks him, almost punches him into the bed and he's not controlling himself anymore bc how could anyone betray him and tell Ginji, right-- ends up in hate sex while Ginji's mindset is that of forgiveness and everything that goes through his light head is "it's okay it's fine I understand, I pushed you to the edge, it's me who killed that person by using your hands" and he's pretty miserable while Morita lashes out onto his body huhu–

all the same Morita should end up crying in the end, as a pillow talk perhaps

Pansy: lol I love how we always put Gin in the role of the torturer, but when it is us who is torturing Mori too much, Gin turns into the person who takes care of him

Akira: Morita's his toy, no-one has the right to touch him

Pansy: I feel like gin is too cocky to admit he thinks murder is too much, deep inside he probably feels guilty and scared but on the outside he might say "you did it for the right cause, that man had it coming sooner or later. once we are in power we will make things right"

you know in the final scene of the manga he is definitely thinking "damn someone could be touching my toy rn"

Akira: "I'm retiring, Yasuda-san, the thoughts of Morita getting laid without me are starting to take a toll"