#anyways im clearly getting anxiety so you know what helps

[heyitsmejona]

“Death will consume you.”

[moonstruckme]

hey mae! it’s been awhile since i’ve sent an ask but im always reading your work girl! i love how you write tbh. if you’re up to it do you think you could write something with poly marauders, where the reader has trouble eating and making themself eat due to poor appetite. my appetite really does come and go and ever since covid (maybe before) it’s like eating makes me feel revolted. sometimes i just don’t feel like eating bc of other things like depression, adhd, anxiety. i was just wondering if you could write something with the boys helping out the reader with finding out what sounds good, cooking, and eating if possible. sometimes having someone around to talk to and hang out with makes it so much easier to deal -🌶️

Hey Pepper, thank you sm! And thanks for being patient with me <3

cw: lack of appetite, mention of skipping meals

poly!marauders x gn!reader ♡ 1.1k words

The sun’s going down, the last dregs of its light spilling brilliant and golden over the book in your lap, and you can feel your boyfriends starting to get restless. Well, two of them. 

“If we’re missing half the ingredients,” Sirius says, trailing James into the kitchen, “it’s not going to be any good.” 

James only tsks. “Ye of little faith. That’s what improvisation is for.” He starts pulling things down from the cabinet. 

“You’re not even going to glance at the recipe?” 

“I don’t need to. I know the general vibe.” 

“Help!” Sirius calls towards the living room. “He’s gone off the rails. Remus, come fix it.” 

Remus turns around to look over the back of the sofa, his shoulder brushing yours as he does. He’s sitting right up against you despite the couch being empty, not that you mind. Remus is sort of like a cat that wants to be near you but not always to be pet. His touches are often like this, passive gestures like a hand on your head or his thigh pressed against yours. It works for you just fine; you can feel the affection bleeding into you from any point of contact. 

“Don’t you think we should just eat out?” Sirius asks, tilting his head and doing that thing with his eyes that you all pretend doesn’t work on you. 

Impressively, Remus keeps his face impassive. “I’m having leftover brussels sprouts,” he replies, “so it’s not really my concern. Anyway, James has a good history with not following recipes.” 

“Exactly,” James says, grinning at Sirius, who scowls. But then he fixes his gaze on Remus. “So why are you having that, Rem? Have what I’m making.” 

“Because they’re going to go bad, and I’m not hungry enough for a big meal.” The last part is said somewhat quieter, directed towards the living room as he turns back around and picks up his own book. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see James frown, but he glances at Sirius and they seem to collectively decide not to push it. Remus’ appetite isn’t much better than yours. He has his better days, but it’s not uncommon for him not to feel up to what your other boyfriends would consider a whole meal or to eat only chocolate until Sirius hounds him into something more substantial. 

James looks to you hopefully. “You’ll have some, won’t you sweetheart?” 

You wince, hating to let him down, and from the look on James’ face he clocks the guilt in your expression before even you get a chance to say, “I don’t think I’m really up to it tonight, either.” 

James deflates, but he’s clearly trying to put on a brave face. “That’s alright. I think I’ll just save it for another night, then.” 

“I’m sorry,” you say, setting your book facedown on the armrest and turning around to face him more fully. “You could still make it and just put leftovers in the freezer. Maybe I’ll have some tomorrow.” You wince again as soon as you say it. No promises, though.

The smile James gives you is comforting if not totally satisfied. “It’s okay. I’ll just make it another time, it’s not a problem.” 

You return his smile, close-lipped. Sirius is looking at you with narrowed eyes, arms crossed like he’s sizing you up. 

“What are you going to eat?” he asks. 

“Hm?” 

“What are you going to have instead?” You hesitate, and he tilts his head knowingly, a piece of hair slipping from behind his ear to drape over his shoulder. “You need to have something, especially since you didn’t have lunch.” 

From the kitchen, James looks at you. “You didn’t?” 

“I just…don’t feel like it.” It’s a feeble argument even to your own ears, and the look Sirius gives you says that he thinks so, too. 

“You can’t miss two meals,” he says obstinately. “Even Remus is having some brussels sprouts.”

You look to Remus to be offended at the even Remus comment, but he only shrugs. You’re on your own. 

“What sounds good?” he asks you. 

You try not to pout. “Nothing. Everything sounds gross.” 

“C’mon, baby.” Sirius leans against the countertop. “It doesn’t have to be strictly dinner food, yeah? Just anything that sounds like you’d be willing to eat it.” 

You think for a minute. Remus touches the back of his hand to your leg, knuckles soothing over the skin beside your knee. 

“I guess…ice cream sounds okay,” you say hesitantly. “But I know that’s not exactly nutritious…” 

“Would a milkshake be close enough?” James pipes up. 

You shrug. “I guess.” 

He grins. “I can do that for you, love. Just gimme a sec.” 

James is a loud cook. You go back to your book while cabinet doors slam and the blender whirs and you hear a muffled “oh, shit” as something is undoubtedly dropped on the floor, but a minute later he’s bringing you a glass of something thick and chocolate-y looking. You smile at the added garnish of mint and a straw, reaching for it. 

“Thanks, Jamie.” 

He winks. “Anytime.” 

Remus is the only one courteous enough not to obviously watch while you take a sip, and you feel your eyebrows raise as you look up at James. 

“This is really good,” you say. He practically glows at the praise. “I didn’t even know we had chocolate ice cream.” 

Sirius barks a laugh, and James’ smile widens. 

“What?” you ask. 

“We don’t,” he admits. “Will it ruin your appetite if I tell you it’s not actually ice cream?” 

You shake your head, sucking at the straw. “I’m already drinking it, so.” 

James beams. He really is looking very proud of himself. “It’s a protein shake. A pretty balanced meal, actually.” 

“Nice!” You grin at him, taking another hearty slurp mostly because you know it’ll please him. “It’s perfect, thank you.” 

“Gotta keep our sweetheart fed,” he says, bending down for a kiss. Sirius and Remus’ hums of approval nearly harmonize, and you and James share an elated look while they both do their best to pretend like it didn’t happen. 

“Can I try?” Remus asks, and you tilt the cup towards him in invitation. 

He wraps his lips around your straw, sipping hesitantly. He looks mildly impressed. 

“Could you make me one of those too?” 

From the look on James’ face, he’d be delighted to. “Course, love.” He plants a smacker on Remus’ cheek and nearly knocks Sirius over as he beelines for the kitchen. 

“This is just excellent,” Sirius gripes, but you see the satisfaction in his expression. “Now that you two have blown up his ego, I’ll have to eat something he makes too.” 

“Correct,” James says brightly. “And you should be so lucky.” 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for deceiving a psychiatrist with lies to get diagnosed with a psychological disorder so i could get attendance accommodations at school where it was really nazi strict and evil forced attendance and they would fail me for not going to class EVEN THO I DID EVERYTHING TO THE TOPS?????? Sick fucks tbh. May those “educators” burn in torment💖 i wasn’t allowed to have my anxiety/agoraphobia/aversion/truancy/YOUTHFUN absences excused bc of the fasc policies in place as a standard in our christofascist bluemaga joe biden hillary fucked bernie in the ass dry clinton fake woke coopting bullshit society. so because of their nazi policy i had to find a way to get accommodation bc clearly i couldnt be in class every day in a row and needed leniency, not academo nazi policy, i was like. Fuck it let me get my papers for that accommodations letter approval. Bc like i had already been going to the counselors for stress and general social bullshit So since i wasn’t allowed to use that for accommodation i hd to make sooo many months long appointments w this far af psych and i didnt have a car and what an added stress. They were like “we dont got a car to pick you up like a normal fucking doctors place. Take the bus!” Ok die first. Next fucking help me!!! I did the meds they really sucked bc i guess i didnt need it and it was all side effects, no benefits, and i was like FUCKING DIAGNOSE ME!!! after reading the DSM5 and “practicing whats wrong w me” so that they are like . Hm yeah that sounds bad. Then IN THE END IT WAS A FUCKING PERSONALITY INVENTORY THEY USED TO ASSESS MY ILLNESS. IT WAS A BAR GRAPH. It was bullshit service in the goddamn american healthcare system and then bullshit actual healthcare bc it was fucking fake. Dumb psych couldnt even tell i wasn a liar???? DUMBASS BITCH LOSER FAGGOT CUNT SCUM. I remember how they made me wait AND CHARGED ME WHEN I MISSED AN APP BC IT WAS SO FCKN FAR AND ANOTHER BC I TOOK A NAP. CHARGING UR POOR MENTALLY ILL CUSTOMERS??? They can explode forreal💖and so can the dumb school policy bitches who couldnt just let me get my A had to be like ohhh cant accomodate u even tho u hve a 98 u are gonna fail :/ DIE ON FIRE SCREAMING YOU SCUM BITCH!!!! <-me to that professor nazi. May she be tortured. ANNMYWAY im sorry to everyone who’s gone thru academic ableism and abuse by this bullshit system!!!!! my school ended up being transphobic and zionist so i transfered anyway bc i dont want that bullshit on my titles. I’m glad i got my classes accomodated tho! I only wonder if im legally beholden to that diagnosis or if we can just be like fuck that doctor. Hm. Like i lied 😂 ffbsjfbsjfbjsnfjekfnsjs FREE ATTENDANCEE THOOOOOOOOOO it should be like that always for everyone. Kill every nazi teacher forreal. And kill teachers who dont give free B’s. Fuck your grade curve bitch. Fuck your admin. FUCK IT ALL!!!!! And i know its possible bc ive had actually good teachers. Hmmm the nazis WISH they could hide!!!

[ohmtoff]

Creep

Nick Sturniolo x OC smut

Summary: Nick tried to take a picture of a hot stranger in the grocery store, but when his flash went off, Ethan, the hot man in question, used Nick’s clumsiness for his own advantage

Contains: Anal sex, bottom!nick, top!oc, oral sex, spanking (very minor, not explicit), unsafe sex, barebacking, unconsensual photo taking, fingering, rimming, hair pulling, light dom/sub, dirty talk, slight crying during sex, overstimulation

Word count: 5,078 words

Disclaimers: minors dni. will contain grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language. this is FICTION, always use protection during sex, never take a pic of a stranger without their consent.

a/n: this was partly made bc i cant get over the idea of larray tara and nick as a trio like IM GNA LOSE IT. the tiktok talked about was (https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSF8YxXn6/) its so funny i need to include it.

——————————————————————————

Nick laughs, reading Larray’s last message about a tiktok he found of a guy pretending to be called gay in middle school and his friend defending him, both of them relating to that video strongly.

He tries to reign in his grin, as he’s on a supermarket trying to buy groceries, and laughing to yourself is just plain weird, so he forces himself to press his lips together as Larray and Tara sent jokes that make his belly hurt. He briefly takes his eyes off the string of messages, hearing a loud cough, and clocks grey sweatpants on strong thighs. He’s interested, immediately, checking out the rest of the tall boy who is standing next to him by the snack aisle, holding onto his cart. A black short sleeved compression shirt defining his strong chest and bicep, complimenting bouncy and slightly curly brown hair, a face adorning deep brown eyes that could pass for both handsome or pretty, and veiny hands that make Nick’s mind wander. He texts the group.

jacob elordi brainrot

Nick: hottest. guy. ever. in the grocery store

Larray: ???? not possible, I’m at home 

Tara: ew

Larray: rude

Tara: anyways

Tara: PHOTO

Larray: how hot?

Nick: grey sweats and compression shirt hot

Larray: PHOTO

Tara: PHOTO

Nick: I can’t take a pic guys that’s creepy

Larray: PHOTO

Tara: PHOTO

Nick: No

Tara: come oooonnnn PHOTO

Nick: ugh fine

It didn’t take much for them to convince Nick because he knows he actually really wants to take a picture of the hottie to his right, for scientific purposes of course. Nick makes sure his phone is on silent before he angles it, tipping it back a little as he hopes he captures most of the guy. He tries to look at others on the store, rather than focus on what he’s doing, thumb moving around where he thinks the snapshot button is until – flash – the bright white light of his camera lights up the entire back case of his phone. 

Nick feels his heart catch in the back of his throat, and he’s slow in moving his hand, the immediate humiliation making him freeze. He can’t help but look at the stranger, and he sees how he takes in Nick’s obvious creeper shot, Nick feeling the anxiety coarse through him at lightning speed.

He’s fearful as the stranger frowns, stepping over to him, and Nick slightly backs up immediately.

“I’m - ”

“Did you just take a photo of me?” the stranger asks, and Nick thinks his face may melt, the shame of his actions making him lie, shaking his head silently.

“You didn’t?” the stranger asks, even more handsome, prettier, up close, but he’s clearly unimpressed by Nick’s rudeness, and Nick is panicking, brain drawing blanks.

“I…” Nick gapes, looking for the words, “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” the stranger demands forcefully, grabbing Nick’s phone, Nick gasping at that, but too embarrassed to fight it. The boy doesn’t look through Nick’s phone, just holds it and stares at Nick accusingly, Nick having to shrug, truly embarrassed and he feels pairs of eyes on his back judging him. 

“Come with me,” the stranger demands, still holding Nick’s phone, making his way to ut of the store, both of their carts abandoned. Nick doesn’t have much of a choice if he values his phone, and he follows, ashamed.

“I am sorry,” he pants, keeping up with the other boy’s pace, “can I have it back?”

The stranger slows down slightly, starting to look through the phone. Nick realises with horror that his phone isn’t locked, as he kept the camera open, and he reaches to grab his phone back, but the stranger is tall, holding it higher as he clicks on the incoming messages.

Larray: PHOTO!!! What’s with the silence girl? You better be sucking his dick!

Tara: PHOTO

The stranger scrolls up, Nick groaning in embarrassment, watching him read Nick’s earlier messages about how hot he is.

“Seriously creepy,” he shakes his head, deep voice just making it even worse as Nick cringes, “you’re perving on me in the store and taking my photo without my consent?”

“I’m genuinely sorry,” Nick said, his voice tinged with guilt, “I’ll delete it immediately and leave.”

The boy is doing something on his phone and Nick attempts to grab it back, but still, he’s too slow, still not tall enough.

“Ah ah,” the stranger tuts, “don’t worry. I was just sending your friends the creepy photo.” Nick starts to feel a little sick with anxiety, just wanting this to be over. He is never, ever listening to both his friends again. He’s frustrated and desperate, and in a fit of anger, he flounces off, “keep the fucking phone,” he rages, regretting it instantly, but he has no choice but to continue walking, leaving his very badly needed phone in the hands of another man. You idiot, you’re a public figure, what if he does something to your socials, he screams internally

“Hey!” Nick hears, “come back here.” He stops, and looks at the stranger with anxiety, his face hot from the embarrassment as he awkwardly walks back. Nick is confident that now his phone will be given back to him and he is secretly relieved, knowing he can’t afford to walk away and leave his public image in the hands of a stranger. He isn’t sure how he’d explain that to his brothers.

“You could make it up to me,” the boy suggests, and Nick looks at him properly, the smirk on his mouth and the way his eyes move, seemingly resting on Nick’s crotch.

“W – what?” Nick stammers, blushing, and the guy shrugs.

“You think I’m hot,” he states, “I think you’re hot, too.”

Nick chuckles nervously, unsure, a little scared this is some bizarre prank, but the boy is so sincere, nothing about him suggesting this is a joke. Nick has seen the look he has in his eyes in many boys and men, who Nick has flirted with and fucked before, but this is the first time Nick’s ever felt so drawn to another.

“I live near here,” the boy gestures, “I can think of a few things you can do for me to make up for your lack of manners.”

Nick wants to tell him to fuck off, wipe the slightly arrogant smirk off his face, but the confident way the guy stands, waiting on Nick’s response, his certainty, is making Nick’s dick twitch in interest, in want.

“Whatever,” the man smiles, casually slipping the phone back into Nick’s pocket before shrugging again, sauntering off, leaving Nick stood in the middle of the parking lot, torn between walking away – and he knows, he knows, kicking himself for it – or running after this guy desperately, letting him know how badly he wants him to make good on his promises.

He’s about to disappear when Nick makes a snap decision and runs after him, panting as he catches up, the boy turning to look at him from his car as he hears footsteps, bursting out in a laughter, his grin taking up his entire face. Nick readjusts his sweater.

“I’m horny, don’t – don’t get cocky,” he mutters, but the other boy doesn’t say a word, just makes Nick feel dizzy with a long look as he opens the passenger seat of his car and motion for Nick to get inside. 

“Nick, right?” he asks, as he hops in and shut the door of the drivers seat, and Nick nods, assuming he saw his name on the messages, “I’m Ethan.”

Nick was going to respond but his eyes catches the way Ethan’s seatbelt tightens on his pecs and Nick almost drooled. His eyes traveled upward to see this adonis-like man smirking and Nick swiftly turned his head towards the road. The drive to the apartment was short and thankfully not awkward due to the music playing, but Nick was still sweating even with the air conditioner on because oh my god he’s so fucking hot, is that his huge dick print on his sweatpants? Fuck, his veins are so visible why are his fingers so LONG? that shit can reach my tonsi-

His thoughts were interrupted by the car finally parked at the other man’s house. Both of them walked towards the door with haste and no words exchanged, eyes focused on going inside.

Ethan unlocked the door and let Nick in, the latter unable to get a word out before Ethan’s mouth flew towards his, and he’s harsh and fast and demanding, so Nick matches it, kissing Ethan like he needs it, and maybe he does. Ethan is shoving him into what Nick assumes is his bedroom, pulling off Nick’s sweater, as Nick yanks that heavenly tight shirt, until they meet Ethan’s bed and Ethan throws him down on it. He watches, heart racing, as Ethan pulls down his jeans, pulling at them forcefully, yanking them off as Nick helps him, pulling him back down for a kiss. Nick’s never known someone kiss this way; unyielding and demanding as he grabs Nick’s head and devours him, Nick pulling back at Ethan’s tangled hair, until Ethan grabs him wrists and pins them down.

Nick can’t help but moan, his dick hard in his briefs, because Ethan is pressing all his buttons right now. He hates the self-satisfied grin on Ethan’s smug, pretty face, but there’s no denying Nick loves it rough, which Ethan clearly does too.

“Like that, sweetheart?” Ethan asks, tongue running over his bottom lip, Nick watching it’s every moment, groaning in response, Ethan’s large hands still wrapped around delicate wrists, still pinning Nick down. Nick is fully hard and needy now, Ethan letting go of his wrists to grip each side of his face and bruise him with a kiss, Nick making the most of his new found freedom by gripping Ethan’s shoulders, nails digging in.

He’s a mess already, the curly haired man moving harsh kisses to his neck and chest as he moves down, the kisses becoming wetter, sloppier, Nick whimpering as Ethan ghosts over his clothed dick, mouthing at him teasingly.

“Please,” Nick whispers, but Ethan either doesn’t hear or ignores it, pressing feather light kisses across him, Nick beginning to peel his briefs off only to have his hands batted away.

“Do that again and I’ll tie you up,” Ethan warns, and Nick’s cock jumps at the tone in his voice, obeying, hands grabbing fistfuls of Ethan’s duvet instead to stop them from straying. Ethan stops, pushing Nick encouraging so his head is propped up, and he has little choice except to look at Ethan as he mercifully begins to strip him off his briefs. Nick’s toes curl as they’re discarded and Ethan is back between his legs, Nick waiting for the inevitable lick, looking down at Ethan as he’s forced to wait.

“What?” he asks, knowing his face is pink and he’s far gone, Ethan looking at him with playful eyes as he spreads Nick’s legs even further apart, leaning down, finally, Nick thinks, to touch his dick, but Ethan presses wet kisses and soft bites to the inside of Nick’s right thigh, moving up as he gets closer to Nick’s dick, nudging his balls with his nose and Nick is going to pass out from the feel of Ethan’s skin right there, from feeling his tongue and his little huffs of breath, whimpering embarrassingly loud as Ethan finally licks a long stripe up his dick to the tip, suckling the pre-cum collected there before he stops.

“Ethan,” Nick begs, and Ethan does the same to his left, Nick sure he’s intent on leaving bite marks on his fleshy thighs where there’s plenty for Ethan to sink his teeth into, Nick wondering if it’s possible to come from this. He’s obeying Ethan’s no touching rule, for now, and it is torture, before Ethan repeats this special form of hell – licking from Nick’s balls up to the tip of his cock, in one long, slow lick – flicking his tongue over the head, and pulling away. “This – I can’t do this,” Nick moans, “please just, give me…”

Ethan shakes his head, and Nick falls quiet, until he feels the blessed tight heat of Ethan’s mouth around his cock, Ethan sucking his dick perfectly, swirling his tongue around the head as he comes up, Nick crying out, trying his best to hold off, to wait.

“Ethan, I’m – I - ” he whines, Ethan stopping, quick and elegant as he leans up and kisses Nick’s mouth, “what’s wrong, baby?”

“Let me,” Nick gasps, trying to push Ethan down, “I want to do it to you.”

He does, too, because Ethan’s sweatpants are still on and he needs them off, wants to see Ethan’s dick and taste it in his mouth. Nick loves sucking cock, loves the feel of it in his mouth and the taste of come, and he’s good at it, wants to make Ethan whimper in the way Ethan’s made him shake.

“Yeah? You like sucking dick?” Ethan asks, unyielding, sadly, still looming over Nick and Nick gives up on trying to change their positions, not exactly hating this one, Ethan grabbing his bitten thighs as he attacks Nick’s mouth and neck with his soft lips.

“Yeah,” Nick grins, “of course.”

“Why should I let you suck me off?” Ethan asks, letting Nick’s thighs drop as he keeps Nick pinned down, kissing parts of Nick’s face that Nick doesn’t think anyone has ever kissed, always coming back to his mouth, his neck, moving to his collarbone, shoulder, biting. Nick is going to look like he’s been in a fight. Matt and Chris will have a field day when he finally turns up at home.

“Um, because – I’m great?” Nick asks, frowning, wondering what kind of weirdo turns down a blowjob, and Ethan stops so he can look at Nick, Nick continuing to be bowled over by the way Ethan’s eyes seem to burn into his skin.

“What makes you so great, pretty boy?” Ethan rasps, and Nick brings his nails down Ethan’s back.

“I look good with a cock in my mouth,” Nick teases, “and, after all, you did say I need to make it up to you.”

“You need to, don’t you?” Ethan grins, then moving so that he straddles Nick’s waist, Nick helping him pull down his sweats, Ethan standing briefly to get the fabric off his feet and boxers off before he’s shuffling up, Nick still propped up nicely by the large pillows. Nick attempts to not given Ethan the satisfaction of his astonishment at how large Ethan’s dick is, but he fails.              

“Still feeling confident, baby?” Ethan asks, hand wrapping around his cock as he plays with himself, jerking off, and Nick can’t help but lick his lips in anticipation, nodding, while he’s nervous he’s excited, knowing Ethan’s dick is going to fill him up properly, that he’ll feel the thick head knock at the back of his throat and makes his eyes water. He’s hungry for it. Ethan moves closer, knees over Nick’s shoulder as his big hand plants against the wall and his other hand hangs onto his headboard. Nick opens his mouth, ready for it, desperate for it, but he’s patient, waiting for Ethan’s say so, and Ethan makes slow, deliberate movements, wiping the leaking tip of his cock on Nick’s mouth and his cupid’s bow.

“Good boy for waiting,” Ethan praises, and Nick’s dick jumps, “you can suck it now, baby.”

Nick takes as much as he can, which is over half, but not all of it, and sucks in a hollow motion, moving back up before he forces himself to take every inch, down to Ethan’s balls, and pulls back, spluttering.

“Hey,” Ethan says, taking Nick by the chin, “take it easy, baby, don’t choke.”

“M’sorry,” Nick whispers, embarrassed, wanting to be good, to hear Ethan’s praises once more, and he’s easier with it this time, taking Ethan into his mouth and sucking him properly, rather than racing to get the entire dick inside him, and he can enjoy this, sucking Ethan at a nice, fast pace, but not too fast, getting off to the weight of Ethan’s dick and the smell of him, Ethan silent but present, running his thumbs over Nick’s cheekbones as Nick sucks his dick, happy and contented.

He mewls in protest when Ethan grabs his hair and pulls him off, trying to follow Ethan’s dick, not ready to stop, but Ethan isn’t interested, easily flipping Nick over so he’s face down on the bed. Nick waits as the pillows are wrenched from him, Ethan lifting him like a ragdoll as he puts them under Nick’s hips, Nick’s ass higher than before. Nick’s feels like he’s on fire, his skin aflame, pale but also pink with the heat, and he braces himself for Ethan’s fingers, surprised when Ethan covers him with his own body, kissing his neck.

“You’re so hot,” Ethan growls, mouth on Nick’s jaw, and Nick is sure Ethan is trying to actually eat him, “as soon as I saw you get on that aisle, the first thing I thought was, I want to fuck that boy,” Ethan smiles, Nick moaning as Ethan continues licking him, “saw your ass and thought, I bet he loves riding dick.”

Nick all but whimpers, pushing back, needy, and Ethan shows compassion, bringing his hand past Nick’s waist to curve over Nick’s ass, gripping at his hip.

“Do you? Love riding cock?” Ethan pants.

“Yeah,” Nick says, pushing his ass back to feel Ethan’s dick against it, “want me to ride you?”

“Patience, baby,” Ethan demands, pulling Nick over to kiss him, Nick moving with Ethan, not expecting the disappointed moan when Ethan leaves him, moving down and spreading Nick’s legs further apart. Nick keeps his hands up, mouth open and wet on his left hand, gripping the duvet with his other hand, and he trembles as Ethan spreads his ass open, crying out as he feels Ethan’s thumb tease over his rim, pressing down and ever so slightly inwards, teasing, always.

“I’m not a virgin,” Nick says throatily, hoping Ethan will speed up at that, the way he’s playing with Nick’s ass slow and gentle but mind melting at the same time, and Ethan just laughs at that, slapping Nick’s ass playfully with his other hand.

“I didn’t think you were,” Ethan says, voice loud in the silence of the apartment, “I still wanna take my sweet time.”

Nick whines as Ethan continues to give him something but not everything, loud as Ethan slips and pushes a finger inside of him, Nick stretching his legs, his toes, in a heavenly trance as the man explores him. He feels Ethan move, and then hears the squirt of lube, feels another finger join the first, and he gasps as Ethan scissors them, pulling them to the rim, almost fully out, as his thumb makes the gentlest of scrapes on his perineum, to his balls. Nick moans out on his hand, practically drooling.

He panics as he feels Ethan’s fingers disappear, not wanting this to be over, throwing his head back as he searches for an answer.

“Turn back around, baby,” Ethan insists, not looking at Nick, transfixed on his ass. He immediately obliges, feeling his brain mush and fill with Ethan Ethan Ethan. He feels like it’s been hours but he knows that’s untrue, and he’s ready to beg for it, for Ethan to open him again and slide his big cock inside him, but he doesn’t have to say anything as Ethan spreads him before dipping down. Nick all but screams as Ethan’s tongue licks across the rim of his hole, wet and rough. Nick instinctively tries to move forward, but he can’t; he’s facedown and Ethan’s hands are alternate from his hips to his asscheeks, spreading them again, as he eats Nick out. The rough texture of Ethan’s tongue, the way he presses his big, puffy lips on Nick’s rim is almost enough to make Nick sob. He’s holding it together, just thrusting as much as he can with the pillows underneath him and when he moves his forehead, he notices how sweaty he is, the back of his hands shining.

He yelps as Ethan pushes his tongue inside his hole and brings his hand up to the base of Nick’s spine, pressing his thumb inside of Nick to keep him slightly open. Nick is lost, utterly ruined, shook by how this stranger knows his body better than he does, whining as Ethan keeps his face buried in his ass; not for one-minute hesitating or slowing down as he eats Nick out as passionately as he kisses his mouth.

“I’m – Ethan - ,” he begs, knowing he’s a few well timed thrusts from Ethan’s tongue and fingers away from coming on the pillows beneath him, Ethan pulling his fingers out with a clear, wet pop, removing his tongue too, not before he sinks his teeth into one of Nick’s asscheeks. Nick is wrecked, his body tingling, his thighs burning from Ethan’s sharp teeth, a wetness between his legs like he’s never felt and an ache in his balls that is begging for release.

“You’re perfect,” Ethan assures him, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Nick looking at him longingly over his shoulder, “what do you want, baby?”

“You,” Nick moans, pushing himself back, wanting Ethan’s cock in him, “please, Ethan.”

“Mmm,” Ethan muses, and Nick is pleased to see he’s also hot, pink, sweat linging on his forehead from exertion, Nick yelping as Ethan brings his hand down on Nick’s ass, playful but enough to tan it, “turn around.”

Nick does, fairly weak now and desperate, beyond desperate, for his orgasm to tear through him and leave him blind and gasping. Ethan throws away the pillows carelessly, grabbing Nick’s hips and bringing him down, as he lubes up his dick and presses the head against Nick’s hole. Nick nods, and Ethan begins to push, Nick inhaling, mouth open, as he feels the familiar burn of a nice, thick cock pressing inside of him. Ethan is slow but intense, forcing Nick’s thighs up as he makes his way in, Nick groaning, a little high pitched towards the end when he feels Ethan is fully in. He lets one of Nick’s legs drop, apparently unable to leave Nick’s face or hair alone, before he begins to fuck Nick, gently at first.

“You naughty boy,” Ethan whispers, “is this what you wanted, huh?”

“Yeah,” Nick begs, voice broken, “god, please, give it to me.”

Ethan doesn’t waste time. Nick lets go of any dignity he was hoping to keep, moaning and whimpering with every single thrust Ethan makes. Ethan takes Nick like Nick belongs to him, like this is his right, to spread Nick wide and to fuck him, hips snapping into hips as Ethan clings to him tightly, Nick feeling Ethan’s dick so deep inside him, touching places he’s never felt anyone touch, his vision clouding over.

“Ethan,” Nick sobs, overwhelmed, Ethan slowing down, holding Nick open by his thighs as he pulls his cock out, Nick horrified.

“Ethan! Please! No! I’m sorry, I’m fine, I’m ok, please give it to me,” Nick begs, now losing his self-respect along with his long-gone dignity, feeling on the edge of tears. Ethan can’t leave him like this, can’t bring him to the brink of such pleasure to stop, it’s too cruel, Ethan once again flipping him over so now Nick is on his stomach. He cries out as Ethan slides straight back in, pulling Nick so Nick is on his knees, his upper body stretched out, Ethan’s big hands on both hips, slamming into him, the wet sound of slapping skin obscene alongside Nick’s enthusiastic cries and Ethan’s panting.

Nick is dripping with sweat, sliding off his own arms every time he tries to rest his head, yelping as Ethan yanks him up by his hair.

“Yeah? This what you need, Nick?” he asks, grunting, and Nick moans his agreement, unable to do much else. The forced stretch of his neck is delicious, Ethan not letting his pace drop for a moment, setting a punishing and perfect speed, Nick’s leaking cock a mess as he feels his balls tighten, knowing he’s finally, finally going to lose control and feel that blissful high.

“Want you to come like this,” Ethan says, slapping his ass again, “want you to come from getting fucked.” Nick can’t say anything, can’t even nod, because Ethan’s still pulling his hair as he slams in, quickening his almost reckless pace, Nick only concentrating on that one thing, that one feeling. Ethan is hitting his spot, perfect and fast and desperate and with one last yank of Nick’s hair, he is coming, begging and groaning, babbling a mixture of Ethan and God, blacking out as he does. 

He’s beyond over-stimulated, debauched and destroyed as Ethan follows him, letting go of Nick’s hair to cling onto his hips and fuck him with a few last, sprinting thrusts, Nick gasping as he feels Ethan fill him with come, warm and thick, Ethan crying out loudly as well, collapsing on top of Nick.

“Fuck,” Ethan groans into Nick’s hair, “holy fuck.”

“Yeah,” Nick agrees, still too weak to open his eyes or speak.

Ethan kisses the back of his neck before he pulls out his dick, Nick cringing as he hears the wet sounds, feeling Ethan fall out of him, and he’s mildly disgusted when Ethan rocks back onto his knees, opening Nick’s ass again, looking down at his wet, come filled ass.

“Ethan,” Nick accuses, feeling his face heat up Ethan further, Ethan just smirking, proud of the mess he’s created, Nick sore and sensitive as Ethan plays with him a little, whimpering as he feels some come drip out. Ethan laughs at Nick's embarrassment, leaning over and scrambling around some bedside drawers. Nick gasps as he feels coolness on his ass, Ethan clearly wiping him clean.

Ethan flips back down next to Nick, Nick still curled into the pillow, not shy but very aware of his sweaty, exhausted, fucked-out look. Ethan runs his fingers through red hair, not tugging this time, and he leans in, kissing Nick in a way that betrays his previous rough and ready treatment. Nick responds softly, kissing back.

“You ruined me,” Nick gasps, still numb, and Ethan stifles a giggle, “you ruined me,” he retorts. They lie like this for a few precious minutes, Ethan still excited as he sits up, ruffling his hair before he fishes around for something, Nick half watching out of the corner of his eye when he sees Ethan hold out Nick’s phone like he’s won a prize.

“Unlock it,” Ethan says, handing it to Nick, who does it without question. Ethan scrolls, finding the groupchat

The chat after Ethan sent a photo of himself went into a frenzy, a long conversation between his two friends going about how hot he is.

Ethan giggles at it, and Nick thinks he’s quite beautiful, pretty brown eyes and that sinful mouth and a tongue that Nick wants to feel a thousand times more.

Nick frowns as Ethan types, lazily trying to grab it back but missing entirely.

“What are you typing? Ethan?”

“I’m saying… ‘he’s just been balls deep inside me’,” Ethan cackles, and Nick shoots up at that, grabbing his phone, seeing the exact words sent by ‘Nick’ in the chat.

“Fuck!” he says, “Ethan!”

He settles back down, cringing as he sees the messages from Ethan's first text fly in, making Ethan laugh loudly and Nick cringe but smile all the same.

jacob elordi brainrot

Tara: HOLY FUCKKKK

Larray: u little SLUT

Larray: how big is he?

Tara: NICK FINALLY GOT DICK GUYS IM SO PROUD OF HIMM 😭😭😭

Larray: ANSWER ME RN

Ethan snatches it back, taking Nick by surprised then takes a snap of them, Nick hiding half his face under the duvet, Ethan looking far too pleased with himself.

“You look so cute,” Ethan says, and Nick’s stomach summersaults again, watching Ethan send the picture, waiting for the instant replies.

His phone pinged constantly after the photo was sent, Nick can imagine what kinds of debauchery his two friends are yapping about the situation.

“Your friends are funny,” Ethan laughs, putting the phone aside, and Nick is over his initial embarrassment, especially as Ethan cuddles into him, letting Nick rest in the crook of his neck. He feels Ethan’s arm around him and kisses into his hair so he sneaks an arm around the other, hugging his waist close, enjoying the feel of a smile against his forehead.

“They got me laid, so, yeah, they’re ok,” Nick says into Ethan’s chest, Ethan playing with his hair as he mutters, “they got you completely fucked – ruined – I think you said.”

“Shit, let it go,” Nick teases.

“You’ve had better, baby?” Ethan checks, and Nick wants to lie, to tease, to flirt, but he has no energy and it’s preposterous to think he's had better than this. The sex was magnificent, electric, and Nick is still buzzing from it, wondering if he’ll ever come down from it.

“No,” he says shyly, honestly, “you?”

“No, shit. I thought so, but you were something else,” Ethan praises, and Nick preens under his compliments and praise, flushing from pride rather than embarrassment this time around.

“You’re gonna stay, yeah?” Ethan asks, and Nick assumed he was. It feels natural, being here, like this, with Ethan. Nick nods into Ethan’s chest, and Ethan hugs him tighter, promising they’ll chill and order food later, Nick can stay and they’ll watch films.

“Maybe you can make good on your word later,” Ethan growls, “and ride me, bounce on my dick, huh?”

“I can’t even think about any physical activity right now,” Nick sighs dramatically, Ethan tickling his ear. Nick has his eyes closed but he can feel Ethan’s huge, beautiful smile, the visual of it imprinted in his brain. He’s already thinking about it though, climbing on top of Ethan and sitting back on his dick, rolling his hips.

“Okay, sweetheart,” Ethan said, and Nick snuggles into him, making a mental note to thank his friends when he next sees them. He’s sore but satisfied. All he needs is a nap, some food, and then he thinks he’ll enjoy showing Ethan exactly how good he is.

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Could I have a main skellys + horrorfell react to a SO who is clumsy as hell?? Like its not a day without hearing a crash a few rooms over that after a second a yelling of "IM OKAY!"

Undertale Sans - He got scared the first few times, but after a while he's not even reacting lol. He's still waiting for the "I'm okay" to resume what he's doing though. It's fine. He's used to it.

Undertale Papyrus - He throws everything he's holding in his hands away to run to your rescue. Every time. He's relieved you're mostly not really hurt, but he will still scold you for not being careful enough.

Underswap Sans - He has a sixth sense now and somehow manages to catch you one time out of two before you fall. He's quite proud of his new superpower honestly. And ok, maybe he tried to make you trip once or twice to test if it's real but you don't need to know that.

Underswap Papyrus - He knows this struggle. He can't do anything to help you. He tried. But all he can do is run to you, trip on your body, and then fall on your back because his legs are too long and he can't control them properly. It's like a family curse now, all their kids will be clumsy as well. You created monsters.

Underfell Sans - He will scream an insult from somewhere in the house. Please stop doing that, you're giving him anxiety! He's tired of running in panic to see if you're not dead. Be careful! His soul can't take it anymore!

Underfell Papyrus - After the first few times where he panicked thinking you were getting murdered, Edge barely reacts anymore. He just sighs from wherever he is and stares at you until you stand back up.

Horrortale Sans - It's making him so anxious. Every time you fall, he's running and jumping in front of you, growling at the emptiness to protect you from whatever attacked you. He will attack the stairs, the pans, the water on the floor for revenge. Sometimes it gets a little silly, especially when he rolls on the floor to "kill" the water. He keeps forgetting you're clumsy, his instincts are talking for him.

Horrortale Papyrus - He screams every time he sees you fall, which scares you and makes you fall faster. He swears he tries to control it, but he can't help it. He's dramatic and it's scaring him. He's so going to lecture you about how to properly use your legs though.

Horrorfell Sans - He keeps trying to catch you before realizing... He has no arm... And falling with you because he did the gesture anyway and couldn't stop himself lol. He's usually grumpy all day after that and mumbling to himself, so mad.

Horrorfell Papyrus - You accidentally fell on him quite a few times, so now Chief rolls his wheelchair a few steps back and simply watches you fall flat on the floor with an unimpressed look. He can sometimes poke you with his wheelchair when you take too much time to stand up, just to make sure you're not dead or something.

Swapfell Sans - Most of the time, he catches you with his magic, but sometimes he gets annoyed and aggressively grabs your soul to yeet you in the couch so you stop hurting yourself already.

Swapfell Papyrus - He points you and does the "HA HA" sound from Nelson in the Simpsons. Yeah, if you're looking for any help from him, it's not going to happen. He thinks you're hilarious though and will make compilations of your falls on Youtube.

Fellswap Gold Sans - He gives you THE stare. The one that means "how the hell could humans survive this long when you're clearly all brain dead" kind of stare. You can feel him judging you deep in your soul. He won't move to help you though lol.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - He runs to save you but somehow, he always makes things so much worse than what it need to be. Like that time you managed to stand up and he came running, tackled you and you both fell from the window... Thanks Coffee.

[poetryvampire]

Ive been possessed with the thought of a super angsty Rolan romance fic. Specifically while he's still studying under Lorroakan.

Like imagine you/tav are a magic user that's a regular at Sorcerous Sundries.

Warning, abuse mentions

●Rolan's instantly smitten and you two bond and become close over your shared interests and struggles with magic. The whole mutual pining song and dance.

●Youre a great comfort to him but he still feels like he's falling apart a lot of the time. He doesn't think he should confess his feelings because he doesn't feel worthy of you. Doesn't feel like he can offer you enough. And whatever he does he cant let you know about Lorroakan. About anything thats happening. He's aching for help but he's just too ashamed to dare ask for it. What would you think of him?

●Rolan can't let on that anything is wrong. It gets harder as- of course -when you see his bruises youre very concerned. But he just can't let it happen so he's careful not let anything too negative about his master slip out in case you figure it out.

●Until one day he comes into work to see Lorroakan giving you a demonstration on a particularly tricky spell. He's frozen with fear and anxiety. So he just observes. At first everything looks standard. Until you ask a question and suddenly Lorroakan's standing far too close to you and an alarm just goes off in his head.

●Rolan just breaks down. Lashing out at both of you. Because why wouldn't you want a learned wizards advice? Why would you think anything was wrong. Nothing seems remiss but it never does at first, does it? The though of him being anywhere near you sends him into a rage. The idea of you being hurt in anyway makes him sick to his stomach.

●Rolan storms out, clearly distressed. He'll be punished for it be he doesn't care. You fallow him, begging to let you help him, to tell you whats wrong. He ends up yelling at you to leave him be and not to ever came back. You're crying by the time you go and so his he.

●Hes absolutely numb and frightened and doesn't know what to do. Rolan feels like he's losing to one thing he had left but he doesn't want you near him if there's even a possibility you could get hurt.

Ahhh Im screaming inside and i feel like I need to get it out of my brain or it'll explode. Idk if I just should do a little one off or like really dig into the drama. Would you be interested? Any thoughts let me know.

Xox💜

[devourers-of-god]

Hiii! Could you do a Sal x reader who has sensor issues and anxiety? Like they get really panicked when things get to loud or theres to many people and over thinks alot? If not thats fine to :))

TYYQKDBBS

HII!! Of course :) I will try my best to portray what you are asking me! If i wrote something not accurate, feel free to correct me<3 im doing a kinda one shot for this one, WITH hcs at the end.

SAL X READER WITH SENSORY ISSUES & ANXIETY

Warnings: nothing srs but you guys aren’t dating in this mwehehe

Type: one shot AND hcs

JUST FRIENDS? Sal x reader one shot

School was hard for everyone, especially for you. You’ve been struggling with sensory issues your whole life, being at school was already enough of a sensory overload for you and your anxiety did not help either. Sal and you had been friends since he moved to Nockfell, he knew you like the back of his hand and was very aware of the challenges you faced everyday. He always took the time to remind you to take your medication, even bringing your pills to school when he knew you would forget. You guys were always close to eachother, basically stuck like glue. Explained by « we’re just friends ».

You had a tendency to overthink a lot about basically anything in your life, but Sal was always patient with you, reminding you that you matter and that he’s always there to help you in moments of crisis. Sadly that day happened when Sal and you were hanging out in the city, it was very crowded, more than usual. You’re normally used to going in the city but the hot, too hot, temperature didn’t help your sensory issues. Neither did the sweat, people’s loud conversations, sounds of cars passing by, birds singing, people laughing. Everything started to feel like a bad memory, you unconsciously held Sal’s hand. Your breathing accelerated gravely, just like your heart rate. Sal looked at his hand, fingers locked with yours, then slowly looked up at you. He immediately knew something was wrong. Sal decided to pull you aside from the crowd to make you feel better.

« what’s going on y/n? » he said, holding eye contact and both of your hands now. You broke eye contact while trying to gather your thoughts to be able to answer him.

« I- I’m » you took a deep breath

« Shh y/n, I’m here for you okay? Take your time » Sal said, smiling softly under his mask.

« Too many people and- and it’s really hot.. I think I’m having a sensory overload- I’m sorry » Tears flood your eyes slowly. Sal squeezed your hands a bit harder to remind you he’s there.

«  There’s no need to apologize, I know this is hard for you, let’s just breathe in and out together okay? Slowly. » You nodded, happy with how good he is at handling things like that. He scooted over to you, showing you how to breathe properly, still holding your hands. While having your hands together he brushed his thumb across yours slowly. You felt your face heating up. Being this close to him made you forget everything. There was so much pain in this world but not in here. After a comfortable silence, you finally spoke up.

« Thank you Sal… you always know how to make me feel better » you smiled softly, resting your head on his shoulder. Sitting there with the blue haired boy made you feel a pleasing sensation in your body. Sal felt joyous to hear that he helped you just now. He felt his face heat up when you rested your hand on him.

« I don’t want to leave this moment.. I don’t want this to be a memory y/n.. » he whispered softly, just enough so you can’t tell what he said clearly.

You looked up to him with a confused expression « What’d you say Sal? »

He sighed quietly « Nothing! » he let out a nervous chuckle « let’s go to my place instead yeah? » You smiled wildly.

« I would love that, we need to finish the movie anyway right ? » Sal nodded happily as you two got up, still not letting go of your hand. You were now walking like you’ve been going out for years already, like it was normal. You only noticed when arrived to his apartment.

After this, Sal and you had a great rest of the day.

SAL X READER WITH SENSORY ISSUES/ ANXIETY HCS !!! DATING !!!

- he always knows when something is wrong, he takes the time to help you and make you feel loved.

- even though you think what you’re overthinking about is stupid, Sal reassures you and stay close to you until you feel better.

- like I wrote earlier, you’re always at his place and sometimes forget to pick up your medication, so he brings it to you wherever you are. He knows days are worse when you’re not on it.

- because of his ability to be an amazing boyfriend, it’s rare you actually overthink lots about your relationship with him. But when it happens, you better know he’s at your front door with blankets, snacks, dvds and good video games to comfort and make you feel relaxed all night.

Okep guys !! I hope you enjoyed this hahaha I think it’s the first time I’ve done a one shot.. critics are always welcome !!

PMS: open

REQUESTS: ALWAYS OPEN!!

[boxheadpaint]

juice induced hill depression. Back on meds again and hopefully going to get in touch with a new psych who can prescribe me something else. Have been very tired and unjoyful the past week but better now and playing modded Skyrim, initially just to make my oc in it but then just kept slamming more thangs in there. Mod that puts bunny rabbits everywhere. Also is there a mod that adds cute animal ears/suits as wearables or one that even makes the girl armor less sucks. Like im either fully leaning into the immersion breaking for self indulgence sake or im getting rid of the annoying shit.

visiting mom in Vegas earlier this month was nice except for the part where I hate Vegas. I know im not great with travel and settling into places can be a tough one for my brain but also my god it’s just evil there. Brilliantly so but still evil. I would have loved to enjoy the scenery surrounding the place more as deserts are just very beautiful and fascinating places but at no point during the day was the temperature less than a full hundred degrees Fahrenheit. It barely dropped during the night either. Between that and varying physical ailments (Oof Ouch My Digestive Sensitivities Lol) (Oof Ouch My Tendons Lol) (Oof Ouch The Agony Caused By Using Stairs Lol) it was the perfect conditions to be a miserable pile when I wanted to be with my family. As sad I was to part ways again I was not sorry to leave that place. Gained a new appreciation for changing up what I eat randomly to keep my body on its toes. At one point mom brought us to a pub and her husband asked for Diet Pepsi while I asked for regular Pepsi. Visually there’s no difference so we got handed the others pepsi and swapped. And then later after he refilled his Diet Pepsi another waiter came up and wordlessly refilled mine as well. With Diet Pepsi. Wasn’t even asked. Fucking stunned. Also went to a near dead mall that was nice anyway

stuck on brain zaps as a symptom of Specifically antidepressants withdrawal. There’s some things describing them as “mini seizures” in function. To me it’s like the body noticing the usual isn’t happening for some reason so it tries to jumpstart the brain into working good like before. universities I can go to with my theories. Back in and at it this week, hopefully to remain consistent for longer than before which will also likely help with the depression and anxiety. More people should just put stuff in their blood if they can

it can be embarrassing to express your misery more clearly to someone, specifying the fact fact thoughts running through your head. But then again it’s only embarrassing because your mind convinced you so, and will convince you that holding it in is also cruel and selfish. Finding it funny that animals probably don’t have as complex spirals and bouts of depression because they dont have a language to articulate to themselves in their own heads that something is awful in a very specific and contradicting way. Or actually no because there is still pattern recognition but that’s more a paranoia learned thing. Is there an animal that can randomly, for seemingly no reason evident to anyone including itself, experience crushing dread and self doubt. Is there an animal that feels shame besides man

had a tilt table test that was embarrassing too but for much more clear concrete reasons. Somehow didn’t know about that second part, and did complain through most of the first part because Oof Ouch Everything Hurts Lol. REALLY did not know the iv thing and had to once again sadly state that no, It has to go in the hand . I will say the experience was funny in the second part from the other ways because my first reaction was literally just “Uh Oh.” The moment I realized it was going to get worse. all I know is my blood pressure stayed consistent throughout, I don’t know what else im gonna hear about it. Hopefully something helpful.

is setting up an ABLE account difficult? Can anybody do it? It’s an issue dealt with by a lot of people but I should at least try to find a way to save money from benefits for the future or in case some stupid medical shit happens that the health won’t cover. I just looked up and saw Vinny sleeping while propping lubics head up with his foot. Hoping I can enjoy things normally again shortly,

8/26/2024, Still better than july

[weirdmageddon]

can someone explain what “weed paranoia” is?

ive never experienced it, all i experience is like….relaxation, monotropic autism flow state, calms me down enough to not get overstimulated by my own thoughts (i feel more at ease with my thoughts coming and going, i kinda go into free flow thought tunnels without getting hung up or ever spiraling. in fact, the opposite, where it’s like a “catch and release” sort of experience to train of thought most of the time. i mean i’ll still definitely hyperfocusing on something which you could consider getting “hung up” on but thats just normal autism stuff and i feel like i can mine for more deeper insight riches in those hyperfixation tunnels when high.

it also definitely helps me unmask. like my mask is sort of built into my core personality and “self” but i find it hard if not impossible to shut off even when im alone because ive internalized the external social sphere. but THC (i should note im taking Δ9) like…. takes the edge off, and i feel less conflicted about my thoughts? like i’m more confident in getting my thoughts out there without worrying about people judging me for how i phrase things or how hyperspecific im being to my own interests. i feel like i dont have to water things down as much because i dont feel as threatened by judgment externally, and in turn internally

i looked up my question about what “weed paranoia” feels like on reddit and the common answers ive seen were:

generalized anxiety

“everyone knows” / you feel like people are watching or judging you and that youre gonna be in trouble

“You’re very aware of your own actions and existence, and assume everyone else is also.”

heightened self-reflection (for some people this freaks them out??) because different perspective

more vulnerable

but i’m not satisfied with these answers??

i want to know if people who get paranoid have these traits while sober/before getting high. like, is it just non-introspective people getting freaked out because they’re considering their own actions/thoughts and existence? or do introspective people who are used to metacognition also getting freaked out?

are people afraid of confronting their weaknesses that weed makes them aware of? are people who normally hide from truths more likely to get paranoid?

ok so i can only fully know my own mind; that is my reality. i have a habit of assuming people more or less share the same phenomenological experiences in their minds, but since i’m autistic i’ve had to expand this boundary over and over continually reconciling with way more diverging phenomenological experiences than i thought.

so i normally i have thoughts about my own thoughts pretty much at least five times every hour, every single day of the week. i do not experience is not a bad thing, it’s a neutral and even good thing. i think i am insightful by nature and always have been, ive been described as such. i don’t know how normal this is for the average person. weed does enhance these metacognitive thoughts i have to an even higher level, and i feel very, very pulled towards them in a good, flow state way. ive also been told my guarded chilly heart melts a bit and i become more open/vulnerable while stoned but that’s because i don’t feel as vulnerable as i normally do. so i dont hide or clam up as much away from psychological openness or whatever exact shit enneagram type 5 is on

but anyway even without weed i normally feel “outside” of my own thoughts, always judging them from a third person perspective, or even multiple third person perspectives through reframing. so i dont feel like i have a defined or clearly illuminated sense of self. i’m not trying to really “find myself” so much as uncover it. like, it’s definitely there to begin with i can feel its presence, but the specifics are obscured and i’m trying to bring them to light. i automatically isolate logical components from emotional components into their own boxes and rarely acknowledge the emotional box because it’s unhelpful in more circumstances than not so it’s all a pretty clinical process when i make sense of things

because i can do this i’m never afraid of the truth; in fact i actively go in search of it and honestly it feels like THC helps me achieve that on MYSELF and it makes me very satisfied

i also don’t know if what i said is normal. am i comfortable with truths and facing them to an unusual degree over most people, or about the same as them?

i saw this comment and it’s like….. that makes sense with disinhibition of the frontal cortex. i think way too much about the rhetoric and kairos of how im communicating information to others normally, but with these consciously overthinking circuits driving and modifying my social thoughts and behaviors being turned down while stoned, i find i dont care as much. it’s like my conscious autism masking is peeled away, so i feel more content while stoned. and it also makes me more open as a result.

like i said, “i feel more at ease with my thoughts coming and going, i kinda go into free flow thought tunnels without getting hung up or ever spiraling” which is how this guy is describing “going with the flow”

the takeaway is i dont have a negative reaction to when i realize unpleasant things about myself while high. it’s just this neutral acknowledgement. this even goes for physical things that usually tip people off like their heart rate being “too fast” while high. i do perceive it also but theres like no anxiety with it, again just neutral observation and acknowledgement

basically im Actively looking for this

so some questions:

can someone explain what “weed paranoia” is like, taking into account the gist of what ive said? if you experience it do you have any insight into why it happens? does anything ive said have to do with it? do you already have neurotic tendencies (low resistance to stress)?

what does my experience while high + my normal thought processes as ive described them say or imply about me?

why am i experiencing pretty much the polar opposite of the way weed paranoid people are describing anxiety of being judged? or like the thing about my feelings of vulnerability?

am i more comfortable with truths and facing them to an unusual degree than most people, or am i actually about the same as them? am i more introspective/metacognitive than most people, or am i actually about the same as them?

if people who ARE already introspective get high and feel paranoid, why would that happen—wouldnt they be used to uncovering things about themselves? are there other reasons? does one’s sentiment to oneself play into it? neurotic traits?

oomf said “your high is always driven by how capable you are of passively defusing triggers for a bad trip”. the explanation for how well people tolerate THC ive gravitated towards outside of genetics (since my mom doesnt tolerate thc well but i do) is ability to deflect stressful thoughts, or how impacted you are by stressful thoughts in the first place. is this anything?

i hope im describing these things adequately so i can get the answers im looking for lol. please tell me if any of this means anything to you or if its just words

EDIT:

^ to me everything is great and feels significant, but is that because the things that feel significant are themselves good? if weed makes stuff seem more significant (too much dopamine weighs negative inputs too highly), that means it amplifies what’s already there (while also amplifying “noise”). so that tells us about the nature of what is already there in the mind’s contents, then?

so again, question 2: what does my experience while high + my normal thought processes as ive described them say or imply about me?

[lolotheparagon]

Every MLP G3 Special In a Nutshell

A Charming Birthday: A bunch of ponies construct a 50 ft tall friendship bracelet for the village hermit's birthday cos she've never been surprised before. I think that would surprise anyone tbh.

Dancing in the Clouds: Two ponies ride a rollercoaster, immediately get inspired to do a dance routine and then GOD APPEARS to summon butterflies to make the ponies fly. Cos why dance in a routine when you can cheat?

Friends are Never Far Away: This is the first time I've seen in a kids cartoon where the main characters meet indigenous people with the offering of friendship and not colonisation and seizing their land. Funny how MLP G4 completely spat on that idea.

The Princess Promenade: A pony becomes princess because she was given a flower by a stinky old lizard...oh and she also has to organise a flower parade as well because a pixie couldnt do it....Nah, being a princess is boring, let's make everyone princesses!

A Very Minty Christmas: Minty's OCD caused her to break a magic candy cane and thinks she's ruined Christmas for everyone so she goes on a perilous journey to fix things when all her friends want is her to be home. Awww.

The Runaway Rainbow: A unicorn filly who's a part of The Rainbow Justice League is teleported to Ponyville, spends a day rolling around in mud and eating cake and then says im tired i wanna go home. Oh and this filly is apparently a vital element of nature because without her making rainbows, THE COLOURS OF THE WORLD ARE FADING THIS IS A SIGN OF THE END TIMES

The Ladybug Jamboree: Pinkie has a brain blast that makes all her band members play successfully for the first time...moments before they go on stage

Greetings from Unicornia: Rainbow Dash and Rarity fuck around in a castle for a few minutes

Come Back Lily Lightly: A unicorn is scared of being judged because her horn lights up when she giggles... I have no idea what kind of metaphor this is supposed to be.

Two for the Sky: A lesbian couple desperately want to fly. They get their wish but they quickly hate it cos they cant sleep together with those giant wings in the way.

Positively Pink: The ponies pink-ify the entire town for Pinkie Pie's birthday but realise they just wasted a whole day because her birthday's not until tomorrow.

Pinkie's Special Day: Oh so this is what they did for her birthday: they gave her a clipshow! Wow, that's cheap. That's like the giftcard equivalent of birthday surprises.

Rainbow Dash's Special Day: OH GOD DASH WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU WHY DO YOU SOUND SO WRONG?!

Star Song and the Magic Dance Shoes: Starsong and Pinkie try to do a dance routine without their shoes but realise its they cant dance without them. THE SHOES ARE A CRUCIAL ELEMENT IN DANCING WHERE'S THE SPARKLY PINK SHOES?!

Pinkie Pie's Party: Pinkie Pie has an anxiety attack during a trip about party and then goes to speedrun prepare for a party. Then her friends decide to make a party out of preparing for a party. Yknow Ponyville can make even paying taxes sound like a party.

Rainbow Dash's Party: Dash hosts a hat fashion show for all her friends where she likes everyones hats so much, she lets them all win. Even though one clearly should’ve won. I mean come on, Starsong’s has functioning piano notes on it. Do you know how much wiring goes into that? No, in fact Toola Roola's should win, its got the best motif and why arent easel-style berets a thing yet? Im way too into this. Lets carry on.

Cheerilee's Party: The ponies have a sleepover where they refuse to go to sleep. Hey, why dont we let Crane tell the scary stories. That'll help them stay awake.

Scootaloo's Party: Scootaloo hosts a sports day party for her friends and they decide to give her the trophy. Awww.

Starsong's Party: A pony gets stage fright about singing on stage but her friends encourage her to try anyway at a concert and whilst the pony is singing off stage, the curtains go up, revealing her talented voice to the world. And then G4 remade this plot into someone's nervous breakdown.

Toola-Roola's Party: Toola Roola spends a whole day waiting for her friends' painted plates to finish drying cos she doesnt know what a kiln is. Then she gets them mixed around cos the namecards are lost when its clearly obvious which is which. What a disaster horse.

Sweetie Belle's Party: The ponies put their own ideas for a cake into one batter, end up making something that even Buddy the Elf would have a heart attack and then Sweetie Belle suggests making them into a cake with separate layers….that’s still gonna taste like shit.

Twinkle Wish Adventure: A dragon steals a star Pokemon from the ponies because she thinks its a toy and by her logic, will help her get more friends. And then the ponies sing about how great their friendship is. Girls, she stole your property. Punch her.

Waiting for the Winter Wishes Festival: This is literally just a deleted scene from Twinkle Wish adventure. If you want to see Scootaloo fumble around doing a holiday tiktok dance, here it is.

Sweetie Belle's Gumball House Surprise: The core 7 ponies spend 5 minutes searching for Sweetie Belle in her house via scavenger hunt only to find she's just in the backyard. The little gremlin.

Pinkie Pie's Ferris Wheel Adventure: Pinkie creates/manages an entire theme park by herself just for her friends to visit. Pinkie, where did you get the money to create this theme park? Are you a rich kid? Do you have a trust fund?

So Many Different Ways To Play: Baby Scootaloo is just pure chaotic gremlin mode and drives her sister and her friend ragged. This is the content I want to see.

Over Two Rainbows: The baby ponies find out baby Sweetie Belle has god-like powers but just wants to have a dress up party. AND APPARENTLY BABIES ARE MADE WHEN TWO RAINBOWS FUCK

The World's Biggest Tea Party Live: It's weird to see me watch this without 3 ex-bronies screeching at the screen for how 'cringeworthy' it is and then go completely off the rails to talk about Tumblr memes and have nipple fights.

....Oh yeah, the plot of the show is that Pinkie and Minty have a miscommunication boo-boo and now their tea party's fucked cos they aint got a teapot. Then they ask the audience to summon a giant teapot with the Tea-necronomicon. There was much rejoicing

[baby--b4t]

hiiii I wanted to request a mini fic of energetic cg!Kaeya and his always eepy little one (toddler regressor, with she/they pronouns) in public (like at windblume festival or something)

hello!! as much as i love little ragbros, cg!kaeya is just as good. hes such an expert with little ones! especially the fussy toddlers and sensitive babies. I think dealing with klee has helped him with that just a bit hehe-

anyways MINIFIC TIME! (you get lost but kaeya is overprotective)(not proofread SORRY SORRY)(also sorry ive taken so long to get to these-)

after posting i realized i switched the roles ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡ SORRY ABOUT THAT

"And where do you think youre running off to?" Kaeya chuckled as he quickly snatched your hand. You had seen a man with a ton of balloons walking by and was about to dart off after him, but Kaeya realized before you could make any sort of attempt.

"I thought you agreed to stay in my sight, hm?"

"It is! Is just right there!" You argued, pointing at the balloon man. Kaeya smiled and shook his head.

"When I say stay in my sight, that means near me, sweetheart. If you wander too far Ill lose sight of you!" He explained, trying to keep a lighthearted tone. He knew it was a simple mistake on your part.

The two of you continued to walk throughout the heart of Mondstadt as everyone else did. There were vendors just about everywhere you looked, causing your curiosity to spike even more. Even if it was just simple things like handmade cutlery or some flowers that were common throughout Mondstadt, you couldnt help but drag Kaeya to every single one. It was just too interesting!

You and Kaeya had stopped at one of the vendors and found a doll that you just couldnt live without. Kaeya saw it wasnt too pricey and bought it for you. The woman running the stall handed the doll over to you as Kaeya dug in his pockets for some mora.

You felt impatient waiting for him to finish up and started to look around. You saw a small boy running after two dogs, all of them clearly playing around. It had been a while since you had a pet of your own, so seeing the boy playing with the dogs sparked something in you. Without realizing what you were doing, you had started to run after the dogs as well.

The pups seemed all too excited to see a new face. The ran around you and tried to lick you, causing you to giggle. The boy told you the dogs names were Fido and Leo, simple names for such simple pups. They clearly didnt have a single vicious bone in their body.

A woman called out for Fido and Leo and the two went bounding back to the woman, as did the boy. The lady was probably the boys mother. By time they were all gone, you realized you had wandered from Kaeya. You vaguely knew where you were, but you were alone and starting to get worried.

"Kaeya?" You called out, not too loud but loud enough for the people around to hear. It was hard to raise your voice to call out for the man when you could feel the anxiety started to sink into your gut. You clutched the doll in your arms, hoping that somehow Kaeya would find you again.

You wanderer around Mondstadt until you ended up close to Angels Share. You recognized the area, having been babysat by Diluc a few times. As you looked at the tavern you could see the blue haired man who you had lost.

"Daddy!" You called out as you went running towards him. Kaeya turned his head quickly to see you coming towards him, his arms opening to take you in.

"There you are!" He wrapped his arms around you tightly, holding you against him like his life depended on it. He took a moment before pulling you away and holding your face in his hands. "Do you know how worried I was?"

"'M sorry.." You mumbled in response, trying to lower your head a bit. The man just smiled and pulled you back in for a hug.

"Its alright, sweet girl. Im just glad youre back in one piece."

[anachronistic-falsehood]

I really liked your post about the Forever situation , im also part of his chat, and your post kinda helped

I got a very big anxiety crisis because of this situation, it was terrible, but im better now!!:D

The only thing that scares me is the fandom invalidate the people who were victims of pedo just because they decide to still watch Forever y'know?

I’m glad I could help somehow!! if you’re anxious about the whole thing, don’t be afraid to take a step back!! I felt this looming sense of dread over it this morning, as I’m sure many of us did, so I’m happy I was able to put some people’s minds at ease. we don’t know everything about the situation yet, so let’s all just take a deep breath and remember that we are not personally involved in this situation and we can make our judgements if and when more information comes to light.

and YES god the thing about invalidating victims sucks, and the thing is it seems to happen from both sides of the argument. ofc most people from both sides aren’t invalidating victims’ experiences, but there are loud minorities from both who are. Some of those who dislike him are ignoring the victim’s wishes to not be involved (bc the information came from a third party) and pestering her to talk about it anyway as if somehow hearing from her will magically make it all make sense, even if it means her reopening her trauma and causing her harm, and some of those who still support him are saying there’s no way this is a valid allegation and the alleged victim should be ashamed, and he is right to get pissed since it’s OH SO CLEARLY false and EVERYONE gets these allegations nowadays (sarcasm). We have no way of knowing 100% if it’s true, the alleged victim has claimed that she does not want to be involved as far as I’m aware, the information came from a third party who apparently has a history of digging up dirt about the Brazilian ccs—there are SO many factors here that we can’t confirm or deny anything.

half the fandom is reacting the same way Dream’s fanbase did when his allegations (whether they ended up being true or not; idk i don’t care enough about him to watch his fucking video essay) came out. People are saying that the person bringing up the allegations is clearly just a hater and that’s the only reason they have for this. And maybe that’s true!! Idk!!! I’ve heard through the grapevine that the alleged victim does not want to be involved!!! It’s like when Cellbit’s past abusive relationship was being talked about a few months ago; the victim wanted no part in calling him out because the situation was done and over with and they didn’t want to think about it, let alone fight for some kind of justice they didn’t even want. It’s a complicated situation, but people need to stop putting this off as just hate from antis. These are allegations, and they should be taken seriously, while also leaving the victim alone and not pestering her for details. If she comes out and says she doesn’t want justice for this, let her have her peace. If Forever shows that he has changed—which it seems like he has, at least from my perspective—let him sort this out. If all of it is true and as bad as it seems?? Sure, drag him to hell and back. But take in as much information as you can before you decide what you want to do.

but anyway RANT ASIDE, no matter what, do not be afraid to take a step back and do something else. Your mental health is more important than the dubiously moral actions of some content creator.

[moonstruckme]

hey :)) first off, i love the hozier caption in your bio. second, I’ve been reading so many of your fics recently and i think you’re sooo talented! i wanna be like you when I grow up (im 20 almost 21 lol)

anyways, I’ve never really requested anything but i wanna give it a try. I was wondering if you could do a poly!marauders x reader fic or a just remus x reader fic where’s she’s driving and accidentally hits an animal and is really upset about it but they’re there to help to her move it and comfort her.

i just hit a cat and im not taking it well. we think it was just a stray cause I left my number with it in case but no one has called. my family kinda, but not really, made fun of me for being so sad about it and i kinda just need something with the guys being so affectionate and loving with her after everything.

it’s totally okay if youre not up to it! I understand that it’s such a hard topic so I won’t be offended if you don’t feel comfortable writing in this.

thank you again and im sooo looking forward to youre future work!! you’re talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before (lady gaga)

Mwah mwah mwah <3<3

-aves

(sorry this is so long)

Hi sweetheart, thank you so much! (Is your username a Lizzy McAlpine reference? I love that) I'm really sorry you went through this, I've been fortunate enough to have never hit an animal but I've seen it happen and it's so horrible, I'm really sorry you've been dealing with this :(( I think you did the right thing by leaving your number with it, and I hope the weight of that trauma and grief is starting to lift off you my love. Thank you for requesting <3

cw: mention of killing an animal, reader feeling guilty

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.8k words

James hears the door and is up instantly, bounding down the hall to greet you and Sirius. 

“Hello!” he calls ahead, eager for company after being left alone in your flat for over a half hour. “You guys took your time today, I thought even Remus might beat you home. Was traffic a riot, or…”

Sirius is looking at him with panic in his blue-gray eyes, clearly trying to convey one of those telepathic messages James has never been great at interpreting, and you…you’re looking at nothing. Your gaze is distant as you work off your shoe, the area around your eyes puffy and gray with smudged mascara. 

“Hey,” James breathes, then feels stupid. It sounds like he’s accusing you of something. He tries again. “Is everything okay?” 

Sirius gives him a look that says What do you think? and crouches beside you to help with a stubborn knot in your shoelace. Your hands are trembling, James notices. Dread settles like a stone in his stomach.

“I’ve got it,” Sirius murmurs to you, fingers gentle as they intercept your own, but the alarm doesn’t leave his expression as he watches your face. Ah. As much as it kills James to see you upset, Sirius will have no idea what to do with you in this state. Tears have always set him on edge. 

James squats, joining the two of you on the floor. “Hi, sweetheart.” He does his best to keep his own anxiety out of his voice as his hand finds your ankle, fingers wrapping around the bit of skin between the hem of your jeans and your socks. “Has something happened?” 

Your eyes meet his already full of tears, and James braces himself. Sirius does too, by the look of it, his shoulders tensing as he watches your face like you’re about to crumble away to nothing right here on their doormat. 

“I—” That’s all you get out before you have to bite down on your lip to keep from crying. A tiny whimper escapes, and spider web cracks spread across James’ heart. A sluggish tear leaks from your right eye. 

“It’s okay,” he swears, though he has no way of knowing it. You press the back of your hand to your mouth, trying to quell the sobs that shake your frame even with no air to feed them. “Oh, honey.” James leans forward, wrapping you in an awkward but very heartfelt hug, your knees between his chest and yours but your head crossing the distance to wet his shoulder with your tears. 

A sympathetic pressure builds in James’ sinuses, but he does his best to breathe through it. Stability tends to help you more than sympathy in these situations, and since Remus isn’t home yet, it’s left to James to be the reasonable one (Sirius would have all sorts of jokes to make about that, but he doesn’t seem to be feeling up to them either). 

He gives you a few moments of reprieve, a few passes of his palm up and down your spine, before trying again. “What’s going on?” he asks, gently as he can. “You guys are scaring me. Sirius?” 

Sirius’ brow pinches like he almost doesn’t want to say it either, and the anticipation in James’ chest heavies. “We were driving home,” he says slowly, keeping a wary eye on you lest he worsen your upset, “and a rabbit ran in front of the car.” 

Relief nearly chokes James at the same time as a sympathetic sorrow takes ahold of him. He pets the back of your head. You tremble with the force of your crying, leaning into his touch greedily. 

“She was driving?” he asks quietly, though he’s nearly sure. If your reaction isn’t enough to go off of, he already knows that you usually pick Sirius up from work and drive the both of you home. 

Sirius nods. 

“It doesn’t sound like there was anything you could do,” he murmurs to you, cupping the back of your neck to encourage you to look up at him. You do, sniffling as your lip quivers, and James uses his thumb to brush a wet streak of mascara from your blotchy cheek. 

“It must have been so scared.” Your voice breaks on the last word and James’ heart along with it, leaving a throbbing wound in the center of his chest. 

“I doubt it had time to be scared, honey,” he tries to reassure you, but his own voice is fraught. He looks to Sirius. “Did you…do you know if it…passed?” 

Sirius is half hiding behind his hair, a sure tell of his disquiet, and it brushes his shirt collar when he nods again. “We weren’t sure at first, so I got out to move it off the road. It was dead.” He winces at his wording, and you bite down on your lip harshly. His tone softens as he addresses you. “I really don’t think it felt any pain.”

You look nowhere near ready to believe him, and James is preparing to offer to make you a cup of tea and let you sort out your grief at your own pace when the front door opens again, stopping when it hits Sirius’ side. 

“Oh.” Remus pokes his head through. “Hello. Why are we all sitting on the floor?” 

Sirius scoots the rest of the way out of the door’s path before deciding to stand instead. He speaks to Remus in a low voice while James runs a hand up and down your side in an attempt to soothe you. He locks eyes with Remus over your shoulder, watching as the taller boy’s gaze takes on the weight of understanding. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Remus wraps Sirius in a half-hug, kissing his surprised boyfriend on the temple before stooping beside you. “That must have been awful to have to see. Let’s get you up, yeah?” He wraps a spindly hand around your forearm, more encouragement than anything, and James grips your other hand as he stands to pull you up with him. 

Neither of them seem quite willing to break contact with you, walking you over to the couch like a newborn fawn despite your murmured I’m okay. Sirius follows close behind. The both of you look like you’re perching rather than sitting, unable to completely relax even now that you’re home. 

“It must have been quite a scare,” Remus sympathizes, sitting on the edge of his favored armchair. 

“A bit,” Sirius mutters, and your throat bobs. 

Remus cocks his head. “What’re you thinking, darling?” 

James almost wants to look away at the rawness in your expression as you raise your eyes to meet Remus’. “I just…I can’t believe I killed it. I’ve never” —your voice pitches, and you swallow again— “I’ve never killed anything before.”

 “It was an accident,” James tells you, beseeching. 

“You couldn’t have stopped,” Sirius says. His voice has an odd, desperate quality to it, and James sees Remus notice it at the same time as he does, both boys leaning forward to see Sirius better. For the first time, James notices—had he missed it before, or has it only just started?—that Sirius is trembling slightly too. James’ free hand twitches instinctively toward him, but his dark-haired boyfriend is only touchy when he’s in a good mood. He’s not keen on physical comfort; no matter how many years James has worked on him, Sirius has always preferred to keep his struggles internal. “Or avoided it,” he goes on. “It happened too fast.” 

Remus nods at you. “As awful as it is, these things happen sometimes. Hopefully,” he adds when another tear slips down your cheek, “never again to you, but selfish as it is, I’m glad you didn’t slam on the brakes or anything else that could have gotten you and Sirius hurt instead.” 

You glance at Sirius, and he gives you a weak smile, taking your hand and squeezing gently. 

“Nothing you could have done,” he whispers. 

Your lips tremble again. James watches as panic flashes in Sirius’ eyes, but he keeps it together. “I’m really sorry,” you tell him, voice wavering. “I shouldn’t have made you take care of the bunny by yourself.” 

James' chest aches as Sirius takes a steadying breath. “You were frazzled. Understandably upset,” he corrects himself, squeezing your hand again. This time you squeeze back. “It was a one-man job anyway.” 

You make a soft sound, leaning your head on his shoulder, and James has the sense something has settled a bit in each of you. He raises your joined hands to his lips, kissing the back of yours as Remus’ eyebrows furrow. 

“Have you had a chance to wash your hands, love?” he asks Sirius, who blinks.

“No. I forgot.” 

Despite the heavy atmosphere, James actually feels the beginnings of a smile tempting his lips as he watches Remus forcibly quell his horror. “Right, then. Why don’t we go do that in the kitchen now, and I’ll make us all some tea.” 

“Good idea,” James says heartily, swiping his thumb back and forth over his own kiss on your hand. “Hey, could we take out the good cookies as well?” 

Remus hums what James chooses to interpret as assent, shepherding Sirius into the kitchen. 

“I’m sorry,” you say to James once the other two are out of hearing. 

He looks down at you. “What for, sweetheart?” 

You shrug, your shoulders remaining just a tad too high after the motion. You’ve stopped crying, and James is grateful, but he doesn’t think this shameful look is a vast improvement. “I feel like I’m being dramatic. And Sirius is the one who had to see it. He had to drive home too, I was too upset.” 

James’ battered, broken heart wells for the both of you. He forgoes his attentions to your hand, wrapping his arm around your shoulders instead to tuck you against his side. “You’re not being dramatic,” he promises, “okay? You and Sirius were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and you both had to witness something awful.” Your head sinks onto his shoulder, and he rubs your upper arm. “I think it’s alright to be sad for a while. For yourselves, and for the bunny. Just, don’t torment yourself, alright?” He withdraws enough to see your face, and you tilt your gaze up to his. “Please. You don’t deserve the guilt.” 

Your eyes cast down, contemplative and a bit shy, a moment before your head comes back to its spot on his shoulder. “Thanks,” you murmur. 

“No thanks necessary, babe. You can cry all night if you need to, I’ll be right here. Just do me a favor,” he lowers his voice, glancing toward the kitchen, “let me sit between you and Sirius if you do. Many more tears and I think he’ll have a heart attack.”

[boogeyalltheway]

Sanders Sides Character Recaps and Fortune Telling, what fun

let me start by saying I have suddenly been thrown back on the Fander train without my consent and this is the result of that. its a doozy, but if anyone wishes to discuss further id be delighted. so:

Virgil: came a long way, accepting being accepted, he's still dealing with the guilt of his past i spose. getting more familiar with everyone, him and logan are cute (platonically). Of course as Anxiety, he still struggles with lying (because we get nervous when we think about getting found out) and intrusive thoughts (what if im a bad person) but as a person(?) hes learning to come to terms with that, well on his way with a few crises coming his way, theres that whole thing with saying Paranoid to him, hope we face that. I see self discovery and good things coming his way, a win for all you virgil fans!

Roman: clearly, getting pretty emotionally beat, yknow, sides with Janus to be shot down, goes against Janus to be shot down again, significantly lacking in wins recently, you wonder abt his self esteem. Still doing his job great, which seems to be the only thing hes got going for him which is concerning. in the You vs Yourself vid hes very unsure about his moral views because he recognizes hes not Morality and when he proposes arguments they are based on endgoal, just like hes usually been as Passion, creativity, career drive, you might say? I dont see his arc being addressed in his near future, but I'm sure it will come to that. I see dark times before his good times roll, hang in there Roman fans, he'll get his moment.

Patton: Hes really been going through it, hasnt he. I mean, recently he just found out there was so much more complications to his job that he wasnt prepared to handle and to be faced with it all at once must be really challenging, especially when everyone is expecting results from him and he doesnt even know what to do and theyre all judging his decisions when hes just trying his best with all these new factors to consider with his job as Morality. Its easier for him to come to terms with Janus as deceit than Remus because he can easily see how lying can be good (even though he knows its also not a lot of the time) but he still doesnt really know how Intrusive Thoughts are helpful to Thomas or good in any way. I see in his future, job related anxiety and insecurity. It will be adressed, and its also good he was allowed his breakdown early (You vs Yourself, you can tell I really like this episode despite a severe lack of Virgil and Remus)

Logan: Well. we all know how this is going, I mean, hes the talk of the town lately! As a Logan fan, I can attest to the fact that he did used to be more lighthearted and smile more and I can also attest to the fact that Thomas is very aware of his development as a character and I don't think he'll let yall down. just, what I can glean from his videos. we're all waiting for him to go apeshit, and I with you, and i do think its coming very soon guys, hold on to your proverbial hats! I do enjoy that hes clearly indifferent to the new additions and not thrown off like the others. due to the fact that he is Logic. Id also like to point out that logic can be wrong and everyones logic is different. even if its less so compared to how anxiety is. so. logic is still susceptible to human whims. anyway theres been plenty going aorund abt ignoring logan and the orange side, and I'm always up for discussion on any of these guys. Hes really been just going ham into his job, huh? search for purpose, hmmm? ponder on that morsel. more alcohol in his life as well, an interesting observation.

Janus: oh, the snakey boi. How hes grown. he does a lot of drinking too. what for, I wonder. I do think the preposition to his song reveals a lot, like how Patton is talking to him more, how he knows truths and knows that some need to be hidden and its healthy to lie sometimes even when you know its a lie. Hes confident in himself and his abilities and knows when the criticism is ignorance vs actual criticism, which is why he values Logan's perspective on his arguments and brushes off Roman's jabs to his ego. Hes safely on the ride, and I dont see any heavy existential crises or anything in his near future, as in, he (and Remus, I'll talk about it later) will probably be the only mentally stable ones as the Light Sides are having their purposes reevaluated. Confidence is surprisingly key. who'da thunk it?

Remus: My favourite rat man. True to his name, hes very intrusive, and I admire his determination in his fight for acknowledgement. I think it will serve him well, the "face it bluntly hands on" tactic compared to Janus, who understands where he stands in the others' eyes and will slowly but surely snake his way (see what i did there?) to the table. Remus, and I love it about him, is just running forward to acceptance MACE ABLAZING and I hope it takes him good places. the WTIT ep was very revealing. his confidence in himself, like Janus's, will carry them through the generally rough patch that I predict is coming their way. i do think he is salty abt being ignored, which I interpret as the biggest difference between him and Janus (who might also be, but I dont really see it? I might also be in denial cuz this theory is really working for me) and Remus is wounded by it and trying to hide the fact that hes salty with his craziness and randomness that no one understands. its why he feels mor menacing than Janus. who knows, Janus might be just as peeved but hiding it better? settled himself in for the long game?

both dark sides certainly seem bent (and betting) on getting Logan to lose his marbles, but idk whether thats for Logans good or so the Reasonable Light Side (tm) will see what its like? and by proxy everyone else...? the tail end of the theory is escaping me now. its also 5 am.

Cant wait to see how the orange side manifests, wont that just be plenty of fun for all?

[moonysfavoritetoast]

i have to do i fucking presentation on my bad fucking henry ford essay (way too much info i already knew all that shit) and im not doing that shit fuck no because my goddamn voice is too high and people will laugh and fucking not shut up bc why is a girl called evan and and i cant even play my trumpet for a playing quiz what makes you think my fucking voice will work fucks sake im never going to need to know how to speak in front of a bunch of bitchy middle schoolers who will do nothing but laugh at my fucking appearance and voice i fucking hate school this shit is what made me relapse last time im going to fucking skip idc if i fucking fail i already am fuck you if you think im just okay with this dumbass shit

the suicide rates were so high yoiu put the fucking prevention hotline number on the back of every school issued id and you claim to want to help us then maybe make the goddamn curriculum more flexible i mean god fucking damn its like kids dont have fucking anxiety that nobody believes is real fuck off with your bullshit about caring about us you just want good test scores and good sports players shit like this is why i want to fucking kms

oh and god forbid i express these feelings in any way to trusted staff. they'll send me to counselling who will immediately call my parents which will get my phone taken because its obviously the goddamn phone making me feel this way. even if i tell them to not call my parents they will. and then my mom will go through my texts because shes worried about me and she'll cry and make me feel like shit when she was the one who started this. she'll find out everything. she'll take my binders away because i wear them too long and she'll never let me see friends again adn i'll be homeschooled again bc obviously school is too much.

she'll try to make me talk to her then she'll get mad and cry and yell when i try to say nothings wrong. she fucking hates me anyways. her backup child is fucking failing even though she was the firstborn. she knows her first daughter was the only chance she had at having a successful child because the other one has a shitty attention span and cant fucking spell anything. her baby girl is a fucking failure and she cant fucking accept im not her fucking baby girl anymore.

clearly i dont know what tired feels like. i sleep so much, why am i still tired? must be faking it. i dont know what depression is and i dont know what pain is. i dont know what anxiety is because i just want attention. she cant fucking accept the fact i'm clearly not neurotypical because i fucking have to be or she'll lose all goddamn hope she doesnt have for me.

nobody thinks somethings wrong and i fucking hate it. im the liar because "youre always so happy"

why would someone my age want to die?

fuck off.

[yonpote]

LIKE THE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS PART OF TATINOF IS IMPORTANT NOT JUST CUZ LIKE ITS ABT PHIL HELPING DAN OUT OF A SLUMP BUT ITS META NARRATIVE. ITS LITERALLY SHIT DAN WAS THINKING AT THE TIME OF LIKE "AM I FORREAL GONNA BE THE CAT WHISKERS GUY WHEN IM IN MY EIGHTIES?" especially in the context of tatinof which is so fuckin meta if meta was not the name of facebook right now tatinof would just be called "Meta: The Stage Show" it is an ouroboros of self-referential humor and in-jokes honestly idk how you could enjoy tatinof without knowing what half of the things dnp were referencing are, and like thats the point right it was a show that was meant for people who have been longtime fans it wasnt meant to pull in anyone else really altho clearly some ppl enjoyed it even without the context? IDK anyways i know they talked about like, yeah dan was really branding his like anxieties and insecurities as a part of his character and how thats like, kinda sad esp when the idea of an existential crisis became something lighthearted and jokey instead of like actually sucky, so i get that, but idk im looking at the big picture here i guess and it's still an important part of dan bc now he's really leaned into the embrace of the void I MEAN I DIDNT SEE WAD BUT THAT WAS THE META NARRATIVE OF WAD AS WELL WASNT IT THE ONLY SPOILER I KNOW IS HE DOES SAY THE LINE THE EMBRACE THE VOID LINE AND ITS LIKE. ITS AN IMPORTANT THROUGHLINE