#anyways mistakes/grievances aside

[in-the-airducts]

POV ur ambulon

For @lemonomelette's DTIYS! A lot of work but very fun.

[spidermanifested]

okay ive got to get this post out before april fools day so everyone knows this is important and serious information. i believe ive solved a mystery that i might have been the only person on earth who ever cared about and im taking you with me on this journey

For the uninitiated (aka people who have never looked at my blog in their whole life). there is this character called bido from fullmetal alchemist. hes greeds friend and goon and he shows up in like 5 chapters. he looks like this

and if youve never seen him before you are going to be baffled to find out that a large percentage of people who even bother remembering him seem to genuinely believe that he is a young child. and this goes beyond your regular fandom infantilization. i have had people comment on my very own posts, telling me "but wait, i thought bido was a kid".

for years i did not know how this misconception was even possible (look at him), let alone get so widespread, but that might be because the chiefest example of it exists... in the scanlation thats up on most "read free manga" websites. Aka; the one most people these days are reading. perhaps this is the mother of all other bido-child-takes. we may not ever know.

but either way, that scanlation team apparently decided at some point in their workflow, that not ONLY was bido a kid, but it made sense to have an ACTUAL kid* (*15-year-old) call him one. which at that point just feels like rubbing salt in the wound like come on

anyway the first time i checked the original dialogue to compare, i didnt know much japanese, but i was still pretty confident there was zero basis for the mistranslation. this scenes official translation makes no reference to bidos age, and aside from the obvious factor of "are you fucking serious just look at him", there was an ACTUAL reference to his age in the japanese dialogue of an earlier chapter; alphonse calls him "ojisan". which... surely the scanlation team would have seen. if they were translating the manga. but i guess it would be easy to forget a chapter you read that long ago if you arent similarly enamored of every detail regarding one of the least present background characters

Still. it seems like such a weird and out of nowhere choice to make and there didnt seem to be any reason for it. even replacing dialogue with lord of the rings quotes has a clear and almost understandable motivation (hubristically riding the coattails of sam and frodos legendary romance). so WHY did they just suddenly up and decide this bald middle aged man was some kind of precocious Crime Baby.

well in the past couple years i have learned a little bit more japanese. & since last night i think i have found the answer.

heres the original dialogue again, and then here it is simplified for one of the official video games.

"ビドーとやらが言ってた事も", aka, "and the stuff we heard bido say".

"言ってた事も", pronounced "いってたことも", aka "itteta koto mo".

Except. if you arent reading too closely, or your image quality sucks, and you mistake the と (to) for a ど (do).

言ってたこども*..............

*translators note: koto mo means "and stuff". kodomo means child.

i cannot stress this enough. the kanji for "koto" is right there on the page. this mistake would only happen if somebody was ONLY looking at the furigana and not even doing a good job of that. how did they get it this wrong. how did nobody second guess it. i know that scanlators are mostly a bunch of hobbyists trying their best and i do not mean to disparage them as a collective. its just , that i think these specific ones should maybe be pelted with an assortment of overripe fruits for a little while, for giving me this hyperspecific grievance to suffer.

At least maybe now that ive solved the riddle the truth will prevail in time. tell your friends, or something

[rei-ismyname]

The Illuminati fails... again

Firstly, I'm amazed that these bozos were still meeting in 2023. Appointing themselves the secret rulers of the world caused so many disasters and solved nothing (wait, they encouraged Marvel Boy to reform but he probably would have done that anyway) plus they were publicly exposed. Exposed and thrashed by the Hulk for launching him into space, shamed for their hubris by the entire world. So many people suffered for their arrogance. They destroyed countless worlds, though they may not remember that.

Kinda weird nobody said anything about Chuck's helmet and The Maker.

Not only that, but Krakoa Chuck is there. No doubting he's a very influential man, but he did not have a good relationship with Reed at this time. Then again, Namor is there so it's likely personal grievances are put aside. Chuck did clear Krakoa with them in 2016, I wonder what else he ran past them. Terraforming Mars? ORCHIS? I'd imagine so, though he is a blunderer of the highest order. This gathering doesn't even crack top 5 of 'mistakes he keeps making.' It's nice to see Black Bolt though, I wonder how he's doing.

Anyway, they're meeting because The Maker (an alternate super duper villain Reed Richards) has escaped from Damage Control. He also stole technology from each of them, something he shouldn't have been able to do.

They manage to figure out they're behind the eight ball on this, so surely they'd call in their powerful allies, right? Right?

Nope, they walk into his trap and fail to interfere with his actions to even the slightest degree. Look at Chuckles floating there uselessly. Imagine if they bought an Omega or two for this. Magneto, Proteus, Legion, mayyybe Exodus. Or Madison Jeffries even. Tempus. A mutant circuit, anyone other than the seven of them. Sinister could probably help but that would lead to a bigger mess. Never stopped them before! Heck, Franklin Richards alone would have a good chance. Sunspot is 3-0 vs The Maker, hehe. The Illuminati suck.

'It' isn't very effective.

They are indeed finished. He gets away with time to say fuck you and vandalises an entire universe.

At least it's a universe where Sunfire and the Rasputins (minus Mikhail bc fuck that guy) rule the world. That's pretty cool, as far as super evil oligarchies go. Hey, Omega Red is there too! The Illuminati are fortunate that their own universe isn't affected, but it might be yet. The Maker loves fucking with people.

[redlerred7]

I started replaying Sonic Adventure 2 recently after years of not playing it. I have some thoughts, most of them only tangentially related to SA2. Forgive my rambling

First, I was not at all surprised how much the game made me eat shit in the speed and mech stages. I still remember all the routes and movement tech, but my skills have atrophied so much that I can no longer execute them. It'll take a lot of replays to de-rust—possibly even a whole month of playing exclusively SA2.

Strangely enough though, it was really easy for me to get A ranks in the treasure hunting stages. I know it's ultimately just a bunch of knowledge checks for over 100 possible shard locations, but I didn't expect how little execution mattered. As long as I knew which piece a hint was giving me, I was getting that 1500k point bonus.

That aside, eating so much shit reminded me of a conversation I had with someone about why they don't like Sonic games.

A huge part of it for them was how bad the game felt to play while they were still trying to come to grips with the controls. They argued that other platformers felt good to play right out the gate, while still having enough mechanical depth to reward skillful play.

Sonic games, on the other hand, tend give the player a character that's really complicated to control, doesn't explicitly teach the core mechanics needed for basic movement, and punishes the player for playing badly.

And make no mistake, Sonic is complicated to control. His top speed is really fast, his acceleration is really slow, and his jump height changes based on the angle of the floor. This affects every aspect of movement, but you're expected to just sorta intuit how it works as the game throws obstacles at you.

That's not even going into the various, game-specific mechanics that Sonic games have, which are often janky and poorly tutorialized.

This person's grievances with Sonic games are valid and make perfect sense.

For them.

I, on the other hand, am a person who spent most of my life picking up new Sonic games, being garbage at them for a long time, and eventually getting good enough to have fun with them. Part of the appeal for me is that I have to learn how to make the controls feel good.

And come to think of it, that love of the learning process is probably why I have so many hobbies and creative pursuits. I taught myself music back in 2018. I learned animation in 2017. I took up creative writing in earnest in 2013. I learned 3D modelling on a whim back in 2010. And of course, I've been drawing my whole life, always feeling like I needed to learn more.

Bringing this back to SA2, I had an epiphany after gameover-ing on Crazy Gadget for the eighth time: what I felt in that moment was the same feeling I have whenever I spend over a month not drawing.

I was going through the same motions of relearning skills I'd drilled for hundreds of hours. Repeatedly failing a jump felt just as bad as repeatedly failing brush stroke. The joy I felt when it started to come back to me was the same as well.

Being good (and having fun with) Sonic games is a skill. And it's a skill I'm happy to learn and relearn as often as it takes.

Anyway, that was a pretty long ramble. Thank you if read all the way to the end.

[bronzebtch]

her cheers are coloured pink at her cousin's sudden burst of laughter.

immediately, rhea feels ... embarrassed, though it is unlike in the way she's had them when it comes to the members of this family before. there is no— no shame associated with this embarrassment, no sense of utter failure which will be upon her for all to judge, no grievance to have followed such a feeling. it is only embarrassment of a lady who knows she is speaking of a subject that is beyond her knowledge, and her dearest cousin has clearly picked up on it. rhea tries to internally justify that it is alright, it is understandable that she does not know, that she would've likened such pleasure to the next activity she finds most easing to her everyday routine — for how could she have had an opinion otherwise ?

rhea refuses to follow her lord husband's footsteps, after all. she has taken an oath, and her family has always been diligent with those. or, at the very least, the main branch of her family had been. honour is important to house royce; it is what taught her that the lordship she carries is no mere privilege. no mere excuse to flaunt her riches or her land. there is responsibility attached to such a title, and there is a whole townsfolk she must care for, including their health, their simple livelihood, and the economy surrounding it. aside from that, as she's mentioned before, she could not afford to make mistakes. if all must be ruined, let it be known that her hands were clean. or mostly clean.

aye, it is true, perhaps she had not been so kind to her lord husband, easily rising up to each new anger or insult he's shown, but she will not be the one to remember when one recalls who abandoned this barren marriage. rhea royce has always been here; daemon targaryen has not.

❝  perhaps one day,  ❞ she tells her cousin dearly, the embarrassment tempered with aemma's gentle offer. rhea must admit... it does not sound— so abhorrent, knowing that there is someone to look, someone to ask her queries, should she anticipate answers. it would not have enticed word of scandals anyway, for this was no mere lord nor lady whom rhea is directing her questions towards. and oh, how lovely it is, isn't it ? to still find something kind and good to hold even amidst such a ruinous house. had it not been for aemma, rhea wonders if she could even stomach returning to king's landing.

the young queen's mention of a baby who once lived halted all of rhea's more louder thoughts though. she grows quiet, and the air grows sullen. aemon, aemma says in a quiet voice. of course, rhea has heard of a babe once, dying in a cradle thereafter, though she herself had been so young, and the discussions of infant's deaths are not so rare. back then, she remember only listening to it solemnly along with father; they had prayed in front of the heart tree after that. curious — how, at present, a news of death now becomes... more solid. truthful. real. the babe was a boy. and for a while, he did live.

❝ no one will come for the princess, you know this. ❞ she assures her cousin, determined. fierce. ❝  she is the realm's delight. if anything were to happen, i've no doubt we'll go for war to have her back. and if it is illness that is of your concern, she— she is so strong. had she not already taken interest in riding a dragon ? she will live. and she will live well. and soon, you'll have no need to birth more babes. hopefully, my king good-brother will see it soon, how this is enough.  ❞

aemma can tell that her cousin neither understands what she is referring to, nor cares much about experiencing the same as everyone else. truth be told, aemma would never find pleasure in the martial bed alone. her husband is ill suited to satisfy that need, but had it not been for her ladies and cousin, the young queen also would not know what pleasure truly is, nor care for it. sharing the bed with viserys has always ever just been a duty, not something she sought to enjoy. it was a means to an end and it quickly became a burden through the years, because of the pressure implied by lying with him. her duty to have a son, bear an heir that lives and give her husband what he needs. but should it not be more? sometimes she wishes she had the same freedom as a man and could explore sexuality in ways that have been withheld from her.

when rhea hesitantly speaks and compares what aemma described to hunting, the older cousin snorts a laugh, which she tries to stifle, because of the late hour and the way their conversation has been hushed whispers so far. "that is not even close to the same, my dear heart. but i am glad you enjoy the hunt", she giggles and leans over to press a fond kiss to rhea's cheek. "if you ever wish to pursue this sort of satisfaction, i am your humble servant to tell you what i know and teach you. if you are contented the way you are, that is also a wonderful thing." maybe there are women who truly do not seek pleasure and can live without it. aemma did for a long time, until she was so fed up with the whispers and talks of her ladies about such things, that she decided to find out what they meant. it is surely nothing vital to life, but it can nonetheless be pleasant.

her hand finds rhea's again and she laces their fingers. "have i ever told you that i had a son before i met you?" it is a rhetorical question, because she knows she has never spoken to rhea about it. in truth, aemma never speaks about it at all to anyone, because no one has cared in years. she was five and ten when rhea came into her life, heavily pregnant with rhaenyra and somehow the lives they led before that day were never much of a topic in their conversations. back when it happened, aemma was only a princess and she doubts many people know about the little boy that lived for a week and then slipped away. "his name was aemon, after my uncle, and he was perfect. everyone was sure he was healthy, but one morning he was gone. and almost everyone in the family expected me to move on as if nothing had happened, because viserys was without an heir again, so 3 months later i was pregnant once more and had rhaenyra. i am glad she is so healthy and happy, but that is why i am so anxious when it comes to her. it is hard to let her be a normal child when i see threats behind every corner."

[carletes]

I actually hate the way all of this is being reported. I was trying not to rant about this and be annoying, but I actually HATE it. I get most of my F1 news from ESPN push notifs + pages because a lot of Sky's stuff is not accessible in the US, etc. etc. But oh my goodness. They've already posted the whole "Fred and Charles will be reunited" thing which just ... 90% of the comments are about how he'll prioritize Charles and get rid of Carlos and such and it's just like ... imagine you're applauding a team principal taking a job just because you think they're intentionally going to sabotage a driver. like how could you even be proud of a driver or even flaunt teammate h2h stats to point out how good they are when you know their teammate never stood a fair chance from the beginning anyway? i'm also just going to say it. Carlos had some shit luck / misfortune / whatever you want to call it this year. Their first year as teammates, Carlos earned more points solely because he was more consistent and didn't make as many mistakes. What good is prioritizing a driver going to be if he's still in the habit of making errors and mistakes when he's stressed or under pressure? And frankly, until the end of the season, Charles was willing to admit he had costed himself nearly 100 points in mistakes alone this year. That to me doesn't immediately scream "first driver, Predestined, must receive prioritization at all times." That to me screams let them fight it out, and if at some point one is significantly ahead and the other has championship shots, then resort to team orders. Hell, they were wanting team orders that would have taken Carlos off of a podium when Charles was 4 seconds behind him for P2 in the championship standing - a position that nobody is even going to remember 2 years from now tbh. Yet having that was apparently important enough for him to feel he deserved to sabotage his teammate? When the actual championship was already over and out of reach? I just fear how far this will go. I also hope aside from all of this hate, Carlos knows there are people who adore and support him. I have already aired my grievances about the way ESPN has treated Lando for the past two years, I would fucking HATE for Carlos to start getting that same treatment where every other post is basically bait for people to shit all over him.

Initially I was just going to vague post like anon I agree but fuck it. Anon, I agree.

[empress-of-snark]

Girl, 7. and 12. for the Choosing Violence ask game! For Stranger Things, because we both like Stranger Things! :D Air your grievances.

7: what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

This is tough because there aren’t really any Stranger Things characters that I hate? I mean, aside from the obvious ones that no one likes lol.

(and, okay, I’m not a big fan of Billy, but that’s because of how he acts in canon, not fan interpretation)

I’ll be honest, I get a little tired of everyone fawning over Steve sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely don’t hate him! He’s a great character, but the fandom definitely goes overboard on the Steve train. Like, calm down and show a little love for someone else once in a while, maybe? I know he’s the fan favorite, but there’s a lot of other characters that are just as good but don’t get as much attention cause Joe Keery is cute.

12: the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Justice for my boy Jonathan Byers!

Not unliked necessarily, just ignored. I think people tend to overlook him because he’s quiet and not as conventionally attractive as Steve, Billy, Eddie, etc. But he’s such an interesting character and he loves his family so much!! Not to mention, Charlie Heaton does such a great job and I think his performance gets ignored a lot as well!

I don’t love how he was mostly portrayed as comic relief in s4, but I’ve also seen people argue that his behavior is a result of him getting to act his age for the first time in a long time. With Will growing up and gaining independence, he doesn’t have as much responsibility as he used to and he reacts to that by smoking a bunch of weed because that’s a thing that an eighteen-year-old boy would do lol. But I do love his scene with Will that basically says that he knows Will is gay and loves and supports him no matter what. They hadn’t had a good scene together in a long while, so that was really great.

(Not me coming up with another Westing Game parallel, but Theo Theodorakis! He spends so much time looking after his brother and feeling responsible for him that he hardly leaves any time for himself! When asked to list his occupation, Theo literally writes “brother” because being Chris’s brother is such an essential part of his identity, and that’s such a Jonathan Byers move.)

I also think that people put way too much emphasis on the fact that he took that picture of Nancy in season one without her consent, but consistently ignore the fact that he owns up to the mistake and apologizes to her and she forgives him. I know that it was a shitty thing to do, but it is explicitly acknowledged as such in canon.

Anyway, rambling but if the Duffers kill him in season five, it’s on sight.

Thanks so much for the ask! ♥️

[impossiblycolorfulpanda]

Here’s some dialogue about Azula trying to reconcile with her former teammates. What y'all think?

Mai: “Is their a point of this or are we just gonna continue awkwardly sit around.”

Azula: “There’s a point, we’ll get to it.”

Ty Lee: “There’s nothing to talk about!”

Mai: “Let’s just hear her out here.”

Ty Lee: “Hear her out? Azula, you’ve been nothing but liar and a manipulator who’s always tried to strike fear in us!”

Azula: “And now I plan on putting that behind us now.”

Ty Lee: “Oh! Are you now!?”

Mai: “Let’s not get to dramatic.”

Ty Lee: “Dramatic!? I threw my entire circus career away because of her! You both knew that was my dream! I told you how happy I was when you showed up Azula! But as always, you don’t take ‘no’ for an answer!”

Azula: “I can see that the Kyoshi warriors grew on you, ironically you say you didn’t want to be a matched set and yet they where the same clothes.”

Ty Lee: “Oh no you DON’T! Don’t even THINK of putting ideas into my head! We may where the same clothes but they treat me like I’m a unique person, which is more then what I can say for you! Mai and I were nothing but tools to you, to put in positions when it suited you best!”

Azula: “The way I reacted the day you two decided to leave me highlighted the ultimate difference between my father and me.”

Ty Lee: And what’s that!”

Azula: “My father has no problems eradicating anyone in a blink of an eye, not even his own family. I tried to be like him, I tried to understand his philosophies. How I took your treachery…”

Ty Lee: “OUR treachery!?”

Azula: “Well…yeah, YOUR treachery, YOU left ME, but that’s not the point. I know I’ve made some mistakes…”

Ty Lee: “(Scoffs) You made SOME mistakes!?”

Mai: “Will you stop doing that?”

Ty Lee: “I can’t believe your siding with her!”

Mai: “This isn’t about sides…I just want us all to be friends again…”

Ty Lee: “Azula talked you into giving up your own baby brother! What kind of ‘friend’ would do that!?”

Mai: “I was never afraid of Azula, calling off the deal to get back Tom-Tom was my choice. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of.”

Azula: “Anyway. How I took you leaving me was a complete opposite to how my father would’ve took it, which proves how much more important you both really are to me. The reasons why I tried being like him in the first place was because I loved him which that in itself is a contradictory because my father does not believe in love in the slightest The reason why I did love him is because I though he loved me, the way he appreciated my skills and determination. I thought he cared about me, and so, I let him make a fool out of me, I let him lie to me about everything, about my friendships, about my family, about my purpose in life, all of it. When I lost you and when Zuko stole everything from me, I thought his claims were confirmed. But I see you weren’t the problem, I was. There’s no easy way to say this but I’m giving my apologies to you. To both of you and I hope to put aside our petty grievances.”

Ty Lee slowly shakes her head and scoffs.

Ty Lee: “Congratulations, you finally figured out you were one of the bad guys, and sure, let’s just get over the fact you abused your brother and tried to murder your own mother! Oh! And you sentenced the entire earth kingdom to be burn! All of those people! Their families! Their kids! Speaking of kids! You held a bunch of kids hostage, including MAI’S BROTHER! You endangered Tom-Tom AGAIN! All of them were from the country you claim to love and you only did so that’d you’d be the same tyrannical fire lord as Ozai but through Zuko! All because you said your sorry!”

Azula: “I won’t sugar coat it ladies, I crossed a line with this one but I used to believe the earth kingdom deserved to be burned to the ground, my father stealing my ideas and leaving me behind was actually a saving grace. The fact that I used to pride myself as a misguided advisor to Zuzu instead of trying to kill him and steal his throne shows that despite it all, I still love him, more then anyone in the world, save Ozai formerly, Zuzu was the one who talked me out killing my mother. I figured child abductions were better then child murder, which that psycho Zirin wanted to do. I also made sure they were as safe and as comfortable as possible and kept Zirin from doing something truly immoral.”

Ty Lee: “Oh, and that makes it so much better!”

Azula: “Look, Zuko still had my back and to my surprise, the avatar vouched for me as well. By the time Zirin and her followers betrayed me and held me hostage, Zuko saved me and the avatar lead him to me. They were a much better option then dying alone, chained and in darkness behind stone walls. Me and avatar dis this whole, chakra thing, it was the most difficult task I’ve been through ever but once it was done, I now feel free, free in a way I never thought was possible. I’m not the perfect fire princess trying to be the fire lord. I’m not her, I’m BETTER.”

Ty Lee: “You think because you were rescued and did meditation sessions with Aang means you’re a different person? You may have everyone else fooled but you can’t fool me! I see right through you!”

Mai: “What do you want her to say?”

Azula: “Zuzu told me that making amends for past mistakes were not gonna be easy. But he and avatar forgave me for my garbage a long time ago. Seems to me you’d rather hold on to this drama nonsense, I can tell you right now, that’s something you DON’T want to keep doing.”

Ty Lee: “Or what? You’ll threaten me again? Your days of bossing me around are over! You’ve been pushing me and pushing me and I’m sick of it! I don’t care what you think you’ve been freed from, once we’ve dealt with Zirin, I don’t wanna see you again!”

Azula: “(breaths deeply) Well, if that’ll make you happy then…I won’t want to stand in the way. Here’s the thing though, the avatar and I made a little deal. I promised him I’d stay by him, we’d travel together and help the world together ect, and he’d promised me that he wouldn’t let me lose control ever again. I know you and him are now close allies, the two of you are very much alike. I don’t think he’d want us to continue butting-heads. Don’t you think?”

Ty Lee: “(Groans frustrated) Aang would want us to get along and I trust Aang’s judgement…you help us out with this Zirin problem and I might consider forgiving you but if you even look at me or anyone else the wrong way, I will gauge your eyes out myself.”

Azula: That’s…a dark thing I never expected to hear from you ever but you got a deal.”

Mai: “For what it’s worth Azula, I’m glad your feeling better and finding company with Aang.”

[goatsghost]

willel & taaco twins parallels

[ spoilers for taz balance and stranger things 4, i suppose ]

i spent a long time thinking over which character fits best with which, they all share a lot of similar traits and can be exchanged in certain scenarios, but for now i’ll mainly focus on Will = Taako / El = Lup:

going missing

the main thing that started the plot in both scenarios (technically) is el/lup running away and going missing. they both see that there’s more to the world than what they’ve been told, and want out, they want answers. the Party then stumbles across el/lup at the start of the series, while looking for someone else, which brings all their friends together as the adventure begins for real.

(it can also be argued that Will is Lup, here. he’s chased into the upside down by the demogorgon, and his rescue is what brings the party together, but anyway)

setting up blupjeans/mileven/byler

see, since stranger things isn’t over yet, i can see this going both ways (re: mileven & byler). i’ll stick with what we know is canon for now and say el/lup and will/taako.

will/taako sees his sister crushing hard on their nerdy dork friend, and does his best to get them together, albeit a bit begrudgingly. it’s different here, will sets them up despite his own feelings for mike, but taako has grievances because he doesn’t want to share his sister with anyone else (barry). they both move past it, though, when they see it’s what’s best for their sister and their friend.

i can say the same thing for el/taako, though, if byler ends up becoming canon. she’ll want to see will happy, as well, and put her past feelings aside for them to get together.

magic & powers

this is another speculation section. will doesn’t have powers, but we know he’s connected to the upside down in some way, still. so, in that sense, i see will as taako, and el as lup

taako (will) is a transmutation wizard, he can make things into other things. lup (el) is an evocation wizard, she can control the elements.

with how vecna is able to shift the mind flayer into his own drawing of a spider, and will’s parallels to vecna/henry, we can assume will may obtain similar abilities in s5. anyway, he’s also shown to be a great artist, and what are artists, if not wizards shaping the world into their own vision, really?

it’s tricky with el/lup, since nobody in the stranger things has elemental powers. but, the evocation subclass seems to be of the strongest for offensive fighting, which is usually el’s big role in the party.

minor details

taako/will: gay and has one single love interest and they’re it for them; purple wizard robes + pointy hat; kind of pessimistic outlook after a lot of shit happened to them; feels lonely/isolated even in a group; sarcastic and blunt, but a great brother-figure to most of their friends; artistic & enjoys a bit of razzle dazzle at times; LET HIM USE A GUN/CROSSBOW; the boy twin :)

lup/el: emotional support sister; introduced later in the show than the rest of the main party; red/pink color scheme; spent a decade imprisoned and isolated from the rest of the world; can get angry or vengeful when her family is threatened; the girl twin :)

(also lup is trans???? could be like el embracing her femininity and her own style in s3? and how some characters thought she was a boy/will at first glance in s1)

these quotes:

“I love him, Taako, with all of heart, but you (…) you are my heart, you know that right?” –Lup, ep 65

“We’re her brothers, and we’re family.” –Will, 4x03

“Because I’m worried no one else will have me.” –Taako, ep 50 // “When you’re… different, sometimes, you feel like a mistake.” –Will, 4x08

“I think there is someone he likes because he has been acting… weird.” – El, 4x01 // “YOU’RE DATING THE GRIM REAPER?!” –Lup, ep 67

“I’m going to fucking kill you now.” – Lup, ep 67 // “If you touch her again, I will kill you, again.” –El, 4x09

[half-bakedboy]

Idiot in Love (read on ao3)

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rated: Gen Summary: “My parents never loved me,” Buck blurted out and it all but knocked the breath right out of Eddie.

This fic was created for the 118 Weekly event hosted by The 118 Discord Server.

__________________

Eddie always knew when there was something wrong with his best friend. Buck wore his heart on his sleeve, but everyone on the team was so used to Buck pushing his feelings aside before they had a chance to delve into what might have been bothering him, and everyone usually simply… forgot. Eddie wouldn’t let himself, though. He found that he couldn’t, even when Buck sat in his usual spot on the couch, staring down at his phone and laughing as if nothing was wrong. 

“Hey Bud,” Eddie said as he made his way over, flopping down on the couch with his legs spread out onto the coffee table in front of them and the usual bottle of water in his grasp. 

“Don’t ‘hey bud’ me,” Buck sighed, his shoulders stiffening in that immediate defensive way that warned Eddie he had to be really careful about his next words. 

“I’m just subtly letting you know that if you wanna talk about it, I’m not going anywhere,” Eddie reassured. Before he could talk himself out of it, he rested his hand on Bucks’ thigh and was grateful for the way Buck melted back into the couch in relief. 

“I don’t know, man, I just--” Buck started, but quickly stopped himself as he glanced around the upper floor of the firehouse as if searching for listeners. It wasn’t like him to care if someone overheard his grievances, so Eddie waved a dismissive hand at Bobby who had started wandering up the stairs before Buck could make him. He was glad Bobby took the gesture for what it was and stayed downstairs because when Buck turned back, his eyes were glossier than Eddie would have liked. 

“Do I need to get Christopher to come cheer you up? You know Carla would have him down at the station in minutes if she drove fast enough,” Eddie threatened with a lighthearted smile on his face that was practically reserved for Buck. Buck rolled his eyes and shook his head, reaching for the phone that sat next to him on the couch. 

It was a comfort item, Eddie had come to realize soon after meeting Buck, and one that let Buck ignore what he was feeling in favor of google searching random facts about whatever interested him that day. At the mention of Christopher, Buck relaxed even further, but he still grabbed for his phone like anxiety was only a moment away. Buck was quick to reach for the comforting tech, but Eddie was quicker as his own hand snapped out and rested on top of Buck’s. Neither of them pulled away, so Eddie just held onto it tighter, pretending he couldn’t feel the slight tremor of nerves shaking through it. 

“My parents never loved me,” Buck blurted out and it all but knocked the breath right out of Eddie. He couldn’t fathom how one, someone could ever not love Buck, but more so, how Buck could think his parents felt that way. Before he could ask any questions, Eddie continued frantically, “I never really thought my parents loved me, but to find out I was just some-- some savior baby just confirmed what I already freaking knew. I really thought Maddie loved me, but you don’t keep such a monumental secret from someone you love and I thought Abby loved me but she just left me, knowing that even though I was waiting for her, she was never going to come back to me. It’s like every single person who is supposed to love me, doesn’t. And I don’t know how to--”

“Hey stupid,” Eddie interrupted, holding onto Buck’s cheek tenderly and wiping away the fallen tear Buck tried so hard to hold back. 

There were so many things Eddie had wanted to say to Buck. He wanted to tell him about how the only times he had seen Maddie cry was because her little brother was in trouble and how what happened with Abby was her issue and hers alone. He wanted to pull Buck into his arms and remind him that none of those people mattered because the team loved him. Bobby thought of Buck like the son he never wanted but got stuck with anyway and Chim thought of Buck as much as his brother as he thought of Albert (if not more). Hen and Athena would be hard-pressed to admit their fondness for Buck, but they all knew it was there. He wanted to make sure Buck knew all of those things and how important he was to so many people. 

Instead, he blurted out, “I love you.” 

“You do?” The timid tone of his voice had Eddie surging forward and connecting their lips in a passionate kiss; one that was years in the making and far too long overdue. At first, Eddie wasn’t sure if Buck would push him away or plaster himself against the back of the couch in order to be as far away from him as possible, but when Buck dropped his phone to the ground, Eddie knew it wasn’t a mistake. 

Buck was an absolute idiot when it came to his own worth, but now, Eddie could be there to remind him that at least, he was an idiot who was loved. 

[tekka-dan]

How I managed to play the fuck out of my boss and shitty job with a twinge of salt:

Basically here’s what happened: I got my second formal write up for blamings the company needed to pin on somebody. And who else to chose other than the hardest working employee whose never complained, called in or made a fuss about anything?

With that being the case I raised my voice in that meeting to make sure the witness heard my grievances with my manager as well. When she started taking notes, so did I.

I’m not about to be bitten and not bite back. I’ll do it with class though.

First and foremost let me break down what my job / title is.

I am receptionist. I answer the phones, I schedule appoints, I manage co workers, clients and doctors all while dealing with emails, a digital work list, checking in and out patients, filling prescriptions and other duties that apply.

That’s not a lot but for some people it is. I love being productive and I love showing I’m a reliable and capable worker, with rarely anyone complaints.

My managers first grievance with me:

1. I answer the phone too quickly.

My rebuttal to this to her [and the witness] was:

“I understand that it’s within my job duty to answer the phone timely and efficiently, as that’s apart of my daily routine and I do it consistently.”

Her response was:

“It’s just that you don’t give your co workers the chance to step up. Perhaps if you stop answering the phone, you could do your other duties better.”

My response:

“You’re right. The times which your pointed out I’ve made mistakes I can tell you when they happen. When I work with [co workers name] I notice they aren’t as efficient and aren’t willing to do tasks as quickly as me. So this means when doctors come to us with orders and they approach her and she turns them away, they basically have no one else to come to except me, the only other person on the floor. And I’m also busy. However I take what they give me as priority because that’s also apart of my duties and in turn I have to sideline my other duties.”

Notice how I didn’t blame shift. My manager gave me a grievance and an issue to which I explained why those issues happen and how she could step up as manager to fix them. Instead she says this:

“You could always talk to that person who you’re finding it difficult to work with.”

My manager whose entire job is to manage just told me basically deal with my issues of another person on my own.

2. She pins the blame of something on me that had nothing to do with me.

A client communicated he was going to drop off a stool sample at a certain time. I recorded that in the file and informed my co workers. I had an early leave this day so I made sure the others knew. The client did proceed to come in after my departure and left the sample. I come in the next day and the blame falls onto me why the client was never notified about the results and why the cost of the sample wasn’t collected at drop off.

My manager:

“We noticed that you documented [clients name] was going to drop off at a certain time and to collect payment. However he was never told the results of the sample and payment was never collected. Why is that?”

My response was:

“So you’re telling me it’s my fault the results were relayed to the owner and the payment wasn’t collected at the time of drop off when I wasn’t here?”

My manager:

“I’m just trying to follow up on who dropped the ball and the starting person was you.”

My response:

“I fail to understand my fault here. I need more understanding otherwise this sounds like you’re just trying to pin the blame on me. Is there anything else you have a complaint about?”

So the resolve of that matter was basically bevause the other co worker was off that day, it needed to be put on someone and that someone needed to be me. Despite the fact I was literally not physically present when the aftermath happened and it was still something they tried blaming me for.

3. My manager told me I filled a medication wrong and at check out the client was angry about it.

So apart of my duties is filling medications and preventions for dogs and cats daily. I do this while doing other tasks too. Sometimes things get a little flustered but I try keeping my cool during these times.

A client requested a refill on her dogs prevention through email. I got the request, noticed in our system the dog was 9.8lbs. So I filled the prevention for 0-10lbs because that’s where he’s classified. I then notified the owner back through email what size and how many I pulled aside for her pet.

I wasn’t present when she picked it up but my manager was. Apparently the woman wanted the 10lbs+ range and she was aggravated she did not have it.

My manger to me:

“So you filled the prescription wrong because her pet was 9.8lbs and you filled up to 10lbs when she wanted the 10lb and over.”

My response:

“Are you telling me that because I filled a prescription for a pet in our system for the appropriate weight range, but the owner wanting the higher dose at check out without previous knowledge, that I filled it wrong? That I didn’t follow protocol? Please help me understand that.”

My manager:

“Yes. The owner requested the higher dose at check out and because you filled the size she didn’t want, it was wrong.”

My response:

“Where was it notated that we still the higher dose for her? Where could I have found that information?”

My manager:

“Well it was only at check out, so I’m not sure if I can answer your question properly.”

At this point the witness said nothing and the witness isn’t anyone I even work directly with so it’s not like she could back me up or say anything substantial. At this point however I realized what this was and I retained my sense of ease and just sighed heavily as she went over correction coaching with me.

I signed the papers but it’s taking every ounce in me to not have dishes her my two weeks right then and there.

Why? Because I need this job while I await my approval for an apartment. I need to not let my emotions take over.

However, I didn’t leave without giving her a peace of my mind.

Me to my manager:

“Can I offer some constructive feed back?”

Manager:

“Sure.”

My last retort:

“I just think it’s funny how you only ever have a problem with me. These same things you’ve gone over with me here I have seen the others make the same mistakes and never once have they been corrected or reprimanded. In fact this write up is my second one for mistakes that weren’t my fault and I recall the first being the same way. Now I’m going to add some tips for you: you’re accusing a great and solid worker of things that make blatantly no sense and when I give you rebuttals you offer no reprieve about how YOU as a manager are going to handle it, instead all you do is shift blame. You asked me how are these things going to be fixed and where the issue was and I told you and you offered no evidence you’re going to make sure I succeed in my position any further. I understand why we are here today but I’m not going to sign these papers. In fact I’m going to ponder if I want to continue having a future with this company on my own time. Until you can follow up with actions to help me succeed then I’m afraid my two weeks is effective immediately. Also, I’ll be writing a review for your manager to follow up on your duties that you’ve severely lacked in since I’ve started here May 8th, 2020. I hope you have a great rest of your day, I’ll return on Friday with hopefully some follow up answers.”

Anyway I am searching for a new job but I hate that they made me feel like total shit at this one and I don’t deserve that treatment.

I also wholeheartedly believe it’s race induced considering I’m the only black worker and I’m the only one she has issues with. She raises her voice with me, says things in a demeaning or condescending way and I was raised to basically not act of character and so my response was always “Alright, I’ll make sure to work on that for next time. Thanks for the insight.” And she would get hella angry about that.

Like bitch you’re coming at me sideways and I handle it with grace and it makes you mad? Go kick rocks.

Anyway I wanted to vent. Now I’m going to take a walk, apply for new jobs and check in on the apartment status. I still have a life to live and losing shit job won’t stop me from living it.

[dukeofriven]

Good In The World

I meant what I said with that extended LOTR quote being what the Epilogues are about - about there being good in the world, and it being worth fighting for. Given that I’ve been up to my neck reading Hussie commentary lately I feel like I’ve gotten a pretty strong grasp on what makes him tick - and who boy does this guy love stories about friendship, teamwork, and love, loves them so much he sometimes sounds like Téa Gardner about to lay down a friendship speech on Yu-Gi-Oh. So - while noting that the extent to which the epilogues are and are not Hussie’s work are even more muddled that usual in regards Homestuck - the take-away is this: everything went wrong, in both Meat and Candy, because everyone forgot that - that friendship, teamwork, and love is the only reason any of them survived. The Sburb survivors came to Earth-C as literal gods, beings of inordinate celebrity and power, and then didn’t work as hard as they should have to still be friends and family. We point to John as some kind of recluse but it quickly becomes clear that everyone stopped working at staying together. Karkat and Dave are as much shut-ins as John, stewing together in their own incapacity. Katkat’s self-loathing, so often a hilarious joke in Homestuck is - free of the immediate pressures of Sburb - shown to be intensely debilitating. It undermines him repeatedly in Meat, and requires incipit genocide in Candy to be set aside, costing him everything that mattered on a personal level. Dave made the mistake of many in his position before him, leaning too much on the first epiphany about trauma and not taking the care to continue down the path to further healing and reconciliation with the past. It leaves him desperately reaching for intimacies he too scared of to actually experience. Coupled with an abused kid’s terror of perpetuating harm he lies to Karkat and Jade both time and time again to try and save their feelings. Jade, so utterly fucked up by years of isolation and loneliness, and so endearingly, crushingly full of love makes all the wrong decisions in trying to build a triad (that is - the triad could have worked, but she went about it all wrong) and makes two separate instantiations of Dave and Karkat miserable. Rose and Kanaya have no malice in their actions, but they do what married people always do: pull away from everyone else, and focus on themselves and their new lives. Harmless, normally - or, at least, not seriously harmful - but those lives took them underground and away from everyone else, The two most insightful and level-headed members of the party simply weren’t around when everyone needed them most. Unaware how bad things were getting they missed so many of the warning sides that would have clued them in earlier that everyone was going off the rails - and being as isolated as she was in Meat this left Rose vulnerable to the manipulation most likely to succeed: just like with Doc Scratch she was preyed upon by someone who could flatter her sense of grievance, knowledge, and uniqueness. Terezi wouldn’t have stood by and let things go to shit - but she was doomed the moment she tied her heart to ego personified, and so was absent too.  As for the Alphas, well - their problems were never resolved in the first place, their 'conflict arcs’ interrupted by the arrival of the betas. Only Roxy, element of void, utterly self-contained, a refugee from a dead reality, walked onto Earth-C able to withstand the horror that awaited them: celebrity. Skaia is benevolent, but it is not wise: Sburb seems to have a cherub’s worldview, full of bright colours and heightened stories, but not much maturity. When the victors of Sburb escaped to Earth-C the last thing they needed was celebrity, praise, and positions of note. The issues are all laid out in the prologue: John retired before he ever started working, every one of them richer than any mortal could conceive of. These kids didn’t need parades, they needed to go school. Jane didn’t need honorary degrees from every business school on the planet, Jake didn’t need a TV show centred entirely around his ass: what everyone needed was to be aggressively ordinary. Mundane and unregarded. They needed to put everyone in a group home with four on-staff counselors and take a chunk of years doing nothing but heal. Because everyone was damaged. Other than Calliope - a special case - everybody walked out of Sburb having witnessed at least one apocalypse. Put aside any of the individual traumas and deaths and abuses and sins and just focus on that alone: the death of entire worlds and the burden of saving seven sentient species. Rather than the ultimate Reward being a sit-down with kindly professionals who could help a bunch of kids cope with that, these literal children entered a new world and built new lives on a foundation of dust. The beta kids never finished seventh grade. Jane Crocker never finished high school. Jade Harley, Jake English, Roxy Lalonde, and Dirk Strider never went to school at all. Not one of those four had ever been around more than four humans in their lives until the day they won the game. They couldn’t have. Jade and Jake grew up alone on islands. Roxy and Dirk grew up in the apocalypse. Dirk grew up in a literal box. As Cascade hit Dave and John were the only living humans Jade had ever met who wasn’t her grandpa: and she spent three years alone on a ship with only the Nannasprites and consorts for company. (And Jaspers to chase.) For those four especially, think about they went through within 24-hours: BAM here’s a group of people including your alt-relatives and literal aliens BAM here’s a crazy fucking battle against technicolour chess people, killer dogs, and fish queens BAM here’s a pristine new-ish world better BAM produce thousands of species to populate a new world /TABLE SCRATCH/ Welcome to Earth-C in the year 5000 Celebrity Gods. Here’s your debit cards full of riches. Seriously - this all happens in about a day. And yet people are shocked that things didn’t work out? They were sixteen years old. Four of them had no formal education of any kind, nor had ever been around enough to people to form a softball team. And that’s not even starting on the trolls, who had multiple culture-shocks and traumas of their own the sort through. And yet people are shocked that things didn’t work out? There is, absolutely, a way all of this could have been addressed and become a happy ending. If you don’t like the Epilogues because you’re just sick and fucking tired of tragedy stories - boy do I feel you. Man, don’t get me started on shit like Westword we will be here all week. If you just wanted there to be a fucking happy ending because god-damnit people deserve to be happy - I feel that too. Had that been what we got I can’t say that I’d have been displeased. But if you’re angry because what happened in the Epilogues seems “unreasonable”  all I can do is wave my arms at all the shit everybody went through and ask you why going from that to retired celebrity godhood was good for anyone. What happened on Earth-C was nobody’s fault - not even Dirk’s. Of course he lost it. Of course he took his godhood to its logical conclusions - what possible grounding in real human beings had he ever seriously had, and what in his life was there to make him see people as people? Dude grew up alone in a box with SBAHJ and rapping robots for company - the only voice in his head his own, magnified in the echo chamber of ego and his own blindness to his inadequacies.  Why wouldn’t Jane cling to status quo of her dead world? Really, what did Sburb ever bring her but heartbreak, an excessively baroque Bad Relationship Simulator that took away her home and her position as a corporate heiress for a six month romp through a bunch of dead planets and inter-friend squabbling (We don’t talk about how fucking boring the alpha session was: nothing but undead and emptiness.) She reaches a new world, gets told how smart she is, gets a bunch of degrees - but as Dave himself notes, when you’re rich as can be and have everyone on the planet lining up to do business with you, it’s pretty easy to think you’re actually skilled at running things, especially if YOU STOPPED YOUR EDUCATION AT SIXTEEN AND GOT TOLD THAT YOUR SIXTEEN YEAR OLD SELF WAS THE APEX OF YOUR BEING. Take a moment to remember yourself at sixteen. Try to put sixteen year old you in charge of something meaningfully important - like, mmh, let’s say a regional bank. Uh - oh. Oh dear. Oh it’s on fire, is it? And the fire is spreading? Yeah, that’ll happen. [One glaring issue I’ll note in these epilogues is that nobody knows what the fuck to do about Dad Crocker, so they do... nothing, until Candy reminds you he exists in order to kill him to motivate Jane to do something she probably could have been easily prompted to do anyways by another means. I guess Dad Crocker just... happily let Jane not finish school or exert any kind of parental control at all after that point? On her or anybody else? You want to talk about OOC: what the fuck happened with Dad Crocker, of whom I expected better? And where did Tavrosprite and the Nannasprites go?] My point in all this is that Homestuck is a story about how important love, teamwork, and friendship is, and after the Earth-C victory everybody got lost. Everybody reacted to being Celebrity Gods in their own way, and it created little cracks that widened over time, and when everyone should have been coming closer together - group therapy sessions, even - they got further and farther apart. These emotionally-stunted mentally-teenaged kids with buckets of trauma, the power of gods, and the celebrity to match broke. One by one. All in their own unique ways. The Epilogues are in some sense a musing on the absurdity of adulthood - how its mantel is placed upon you regardless of whether you are ready or not, for reasons as arbitrary as ‘turning a certain age’ or ‘winning a video game.’ In some cases it takes our heroes DECADES of life before adulthood - before real maturity - begins to make something of an appearance, and even then it’s a crapshoot. Love, friendship, and teamwork are what matter in Homestuck: in the epilogues it takes years of monumentally boneheaded decisions for our heroes to remember this, and some of them never do.

Is there still a happy ending at the end of Homestuck? One that lies ahead? I think so. Hussies loves his characters dearly - and yes, he does. Of course he does. He didn’t spend ten years of his life telling the story of one dimensional Brechtian Archetypes to make some otiose point about the nature of narrative: if he had none of you would be feeling as you are now.  The difference between you and Andrew Hussie is that you see his characters like family: you leap to their defence whenever they are hurt, and when they are cut you bleed: “How?” you ask, “Could anyone be so cruel to do this thing?” But Hussie sees his characters as characters, in a story of which he is author, and in which pain and hurt and tragedy can be the vehicles through which good stories can be told: that the light is made all the brighter because of the quantity and quality of darkness that was banished. Candy and Meat are the story of a boy who can only destroy love because he thinks he understands it, and lashes-out when things don’t go as planned. Dirk is just as much the villain in Candy as in Meat, as Calliope makes very clear: the Candyverse is in some sense defined, or at least made more distinct, by his absence. He is a tragic figure on the macro scale - if only he and all the walking wounded of Sburb had been given help when they needed it - but his death in Candy is not a tragedy of ‘what ifs,’ it’s an act of petulance and cruelty by a kid who’ll take his ball and go home if he’s not allowed to play the winning game. His death destabilizes the Candyverse far more than John’s choice to stay, its just that its corrosive effects take longer to be obvious - and the gears he’d already set in motion didn’t cease to turn, though they may have slowed. Dirk destroys love, his effect on both timelines is to push people apart because division suits him, and to push his own view of what ‘love’ is on people who experience it far more expansively than he could ever imagine. He’s a sad little boy who grew up in alone in a box and entered a world that told him he was a literal god with the powers to match - by the end of Meat it’s clear that love, friendship, and teamwork mean nothing to him, only the perfect order of his own fevered imagination. What will bring him down in the end is the reclamation of that feeling at the end of Act 7 - the joy of victory, of having worked together, of the love of family both found and familial, and of the realization that they were none of them better apart. And then some therapists. Some actual therapists. For a good long time. (Also I hope that they find Doc Scratch and beat his sorry ass from here to eternity because that smug fuck has his puppety fingertips all over this thing, and if Dirk really is merging with his ultimate self that includes (as @geekycalligrapher noted) aspects that wound up in Lord English, including a not insignificant portion of one Doctor Vanilla Milkshake, Esq.) (Edit: I did, in fact, do a few edits when I noticed the opening sentences were missing things like ‘the subject.’)

[sastielsfandom]

Falling In Love Is Easy, Dealing With It Isn't

Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock.

The constant ticking of the clock was usually soothing as it was a constant, now it served as a frustrating distraction. With a flick of my wrist, it broke. No one cared for it anyway.

Rubbing my face through the disappointment of this morning didn't help as I wondered why words were absent from my mind. Every language in the world seemed to be extracted from my mind. Enochian included.

This needed to be addressed, the sorrow in his eyes, the obvious comparison to others and ridiculous belief he isn't enough, I hated seeing it. If one of us didn't hold up to the other it was me, I am not enough, Sam is well worth more than I ever will be.

Being this distracted almost made me miss the soft footsteps that were Jack joining me.

He came behind me with a hug, and I could tell he was expecting one from both Sam and me.

"Hey, Father. Where's Dad?" It was unusual for Sam and me to be separated since we've confessed our feelings for each other. Something that didn't come to my attention until I realized how much I currently missed him.

I patted Jack's arm, looked at him and set my pen, paper aside. "He's on a beer run. At least that's what he told Dean, I believe he's also getting some vegetables since your recent intake on candy has increased. Did Dean sneak you that candy?" I asked pointing to where he attempted to hide a bag of nougat. The flush on his face told me enough. I'll let Sam deal with Dean.

"No... So what are you doing?" Whether or not he's biologically mine, he lies terribly like me.

I handed him the rough drafts I had started but couldn't finish. None of them felt true, no matter how beautiful they sounded. "Poetry. From sonnets, odes, lyric, free verse, rhymed, to ballads. None of them are what I want." I sighed and looked at the mess surrounding me. Why was this task so difficult?

"I don't understand, they're well written. What's the problem?"

"That's the problem. They're all well written but meaningless. They don't capture how I really feel about Sam. No fourteen lines with ten syllables in each line are going to get all my emotions for him." Defeated and slumped in my chair, I wanted to cry. The only thing that kept my head up was the hand the was hiding my face. Why is this so difficult?

Jack was staring at me before he sat down next to me. "Then don't."

I looked up surprised, "Don't what?" He gestured to the poetry.

"Don't write a sonnet or a ballad, write from the heart. Isn't that what it's about? Not the form but the meaning?" He asked hands on the table, I nodded. Have I gone about this all wrong?

"Thank you, Jack. I think I got an idea." The pen I grew a hatred for as well as the paper, I apologized as I began to write.

My frustrations dissipated as the words filled my paper. I would describe it as talking rather than writing, I did mutter through parts where I became beat until I changed tactics.

Hours flew by as I wrote and rewrote this poem, it was vulnerable. Perhaps it didn't have the imagery or repetitive nature as the others before; however, the honesty it held outdid any flow from the other poems before.

In the end, at the last line, I stared. I've changed it twenty times already. I wasn't sure if it was my attempt at procrastination or if I simply didn't like it.

Sam had checked in with me when he got back hours ago, I begged him to not look quite yet. He's managed to keep to his promise even though I've seen him pop in to see if I had finished.

This is why it was no surprise to me he's attempting to stroll past me in a casual manner but is failing miserably.

"Love?" I called out and he stopped his "stroll" and was acting as if he wasn't excited that I was finally calling out to him. He's adorable.

He held onto the back of my chair, towering over and his eyes scanned the perimeter before focusing on me. "Yes?" I motioned for him to come closer.

When he did I plopped him down on my lap. Often it's the other way around, but I enjoy this way more than the other.

I smiled at the bounce of his hair, and the fact that he immediately embraced me into a hug which turned into a kiss.

There was an unspoken "I love you" that we held onto for a moment, it took me a moment to remember I had a surprise for him.

"Normally, I have no problem telling you how I feel. I don't know why this is different, but it is. I have a poem for you to read. I would like it if you could read it out loud. If you don't want to, that's understandable." I brushed Sam's hair out of his face as he nodded. It was difficult for me to reach over to the table and hand it to him, there was a built-up fear that I needed to push away.

Sam got a bit more comfortable on my lap and gave me a quick reassuring kiss before beginning,

"You deserve more than a sonnet

Or a loose free verse poem.

What I wish to bestow is theatrical,

To draw you with beautiful imagery,

Reel in emotions by deeper meanings,

Use a repetitive language as proof,

Whether it's synonyms, antonyms, metaphors, or smilies."

I saw his amusement at this is what I considered to be theatrical, and it was. I set my head into the crook of his shoulder. He continued on,

"Ignorance is to believe it would mean anything.

That I can pour my heart out in fourteen lines,

Perhaps about nature or humanity...

Not you, not when I want to tell you everything and more.

It would take me millenniums upon millenniums to perfect it.

And even then I wouldn’t be satisfied,

No rhyme scheme can help show how devoted I’ve become to you."

There was a slight shake to his hands. I could see he was trying to remain neutral but his facade was breaking with emotion. He had to clear his throat to continue. I closed my eyes and focused on his silky voice.

"Rhymed poetry or an ode,

A tune of a ballad or one of a lyrical poem,

How much more delightful my words would be,

Praising you in rhymes and lines of fours,

But it would deprive you of the trueness of my words.

Beneath the soft-sounding words,

The layers of beauty woven through imagery,"

I couldn't help but think Sam reading this made it sound beautiful, it was his voice and tone that made that so. I wanted to tell him that but I didn't. If I did he wouldn't finish reading the poem. Instead, I ignored the shaking emotion that was reeling off of him and focused on the words.

"Love is a mere word without meaning.

Trust, kindness, integrity, wisdom, patience,

These are what I’ve come to associate with you.

Love is an empty word to me,

Simply because it doesn’t describe anything,

I know I’ve fallen for you, my broken wings are proof enough,

Yet, the word love isn’t enough."

I could read the guilt that was rising and brought him closer to my chest, shushing away some of it away. I wanted to do more but knew to remain put. If I opened my eyes I would've lost control and kissed away his guilt, I closed them tighter.

"How does it describe the ease in my heart with you,

Or the tender moments that fleet faster than the light of speed,

The gentle kisses that I cherish more than air?

My wishes of peace for you go beyond our physical beings,

Existing is overwhelming with you,

The thought of the sun rising without you,

Words don’t belong to the anguish I feel."

His voice and breath were shaky and hesitant as he spoke. It pained me to be the one who made him feel that way, I had to remember it's not hurting him, it's overwhelming him. He needs to hear these words, he needs to see his worth.

"Dreadful days are imminent and groundless.

Death has no hold on me, merely the empty does.

Fear is an abandoned promise no one can hold against me,

Yet, here I weep from it at the thought of Death coming for you.

god is cruel to create such a being and make them human,

Simply another shameful act of his he couldn’t part within his rewrites.

his death and executor will be celebrated, praised, his wrongdoings won't be forgiven."

He let out an empty, hollow laugh at the mention of my father. I knew he didn't believe many of those lines but wouldn't invalidate them knowing they feel honest and true to me.

"Endlessly, I am grateful that you humor me.

Claim to love me as I do you, and more than I can know,

How you’ve come to forgive my multitudinous strings of mistakes and grievances,

Understanding will never come, not as it came to love you.

It’s troubling how much you swear upon god that you’re a stain to his creation,

Blind to see you’re a saint, and he is the hindrance to his work,

The only prayer I’ve sent to him is thanks for leading me to you."

He reached for my hand, and I nearly broke and swept him up into another hug at the feel of his hands shaking in my own. The emotion that was rolling off of him was drowning me into a stream of strange guilt. Seven more lines. I can comfort him after the last seven lines.

"I hope you listen, my partner, my love, my human, my Sam.

As I’ve cried to you before, nothing is worth losing you,

Everything is worth sacrificing to keep you here with or without me.

I’ve been lost since I was created, I would still be if it weren’t for the pain,

I was lost until I took on your pain, it isn’t just a claim,

But a truth I live with as I carry on through your wisdom.

Sam, my human, my love, my partner, love is empty, you make it full."

As the last word was uttered, I could feel Sam fall apart. The tears he had forced away broke into a sob while I wrapped him into my arms. I had to avoid apologizing knowing it isn't what he needs.

I couldn't think as I tried to blink away my tears, it stung to see Sam cry, it was complete agony to be the cause of it.

Sam turned himself to face me, straddling my lap, he was trying to calm himself down as he cupped my face. I couldn't ignore the quiver on his lips as he brought ours together.

I melted into it just as I do any other time, but this one felt different as I tried to hold him close. It was as if neither wanted to let go of the other. I couldn't help but keep my hands on his face and let him control the kiss.

He was chanting my name in between small breaks of our lips, the love he poured into his voice and kiss was more than overwhelming. I felt like I was drowning before, I knew I was now.

When Sam pulled away he gave me a sad smile as he wiped away my tears. He was still trembling.

"I can't- I can't tell begin you how I feel..." He was biting the inside of his mouth to avoid crying, even more, making more tears flow out onto my face.

"I- I love you, it hurts- it physically hurts how much I love you." He said and tore his eyes away as he tried to get his feelings in order, I reached for his hands and cradled them.

"You force me to see things I don't like to see, such as me being "worthy." You- you make me happy in ways no one else can, and I feel like loving you is such a privilege." The honesty in his eyes was powerful, I wanted to assure him that I felt the same way. I didn't say anything, I could see it in his eyes he already knew.

"I wish I could write my feelings or be more articulate as I say this, but Cas I can't. It's difficult to say you mean everything to me. That I fell for you and I'm more scared of losing you than I am of anything else." The tremble in his voice was still present, it was a small mercy that it wasn't as present as when he began.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do when eventually we're pulled away from each other. How do you or me even begin to cope with that? I know you love me, and I wish you didn't. I wish you didn't care because it forces me to care. Because I see that when I'm hurt you suffer more than I do." This guilt he carries is conflicting in the sense I know he shouldn't have it, but it keeps him stable. While I want to take it away, I'm afraid of what would happen.

He pulled his hands out of mine to hold mine. He held them close to him as he cried, "I- I try for you- I really do Cas. I hope you see that I'm taking care of myself, I'm trying to see myself in the way you see me."

"I know, Sam. I know." It almost stayed stuck in my throat but I had to force it out. He had to know.

"And I know you've been trying for me." I didn't mean to freeze but I hadn't expected him to notice. I had hoped it would stay in the shadows and would remain unspoken, but it wasn't.

Sam got up and pulled me to my feet, he guided us to a couch where it'd be more accommodating to his height. I laid down first and Sam followed, I wrapped my arms around his waist and he held onto my hands.

Sam leaned into my touch and I could tell by his heartbeat that he was relaxed enough to fall asleep.

"Can we just stay like this? In silence?"

"Yes, of course, love."

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

@kiwimeringue replied to your post “I know it’s generally rude and very unwise to reply to a fandom...”

ok I'm super curious now, feel free to message me if you want to talk about it all stealthy-like~

@veliseraptor replied to your post “I know it’s generally rude and very unwise to reply to a fandom...”

i'm so curious

apparently I did want to talk about it, because this got looooong (also please do not add more discourse to this post, it’s probably kind of shitty of me but I don’t super want to have a dialogue about it, I just want to barf out my thoughts and defend my own faves on my own post, so if you want to argue with me I would really rather you didn’t and just made your own post instead)

(I also only just realized that I only put “tony stark negative” and “tony stark critical” in the tags, not anywhere before the cut, so here’s your warning now if you didn’t see the tags that this is me being frustrated with a lot things about how Tony is written)

I can't find the actual post now to screenshot or link because I just came across it on my dash, got annoyed, scrolled past, and then made my post when I couldn't stop grumpily thinking about it (so at this point I also don't remember who the OP was or who reblogged it onto my dash, which is probably just as well), but the gist was that almost all MCU title characters have storylines establishing that they're wrong about something and they show growth by accepting that and working to improve...except Steve, who never acknowledges that he might ever be wrong about anything, with the implication that this makes him a bad, self-righteous character who is basically incapable of growth. several other characters--Tony, Thor, Dr. Strange, Peter Parker--were mentioned, but the state of fandom discourse makes me assume any Steve-negative post exists at least in part to show how much better Tony is, which...may not always be a fair assumption on my part, but I do think it's fair to say that's still a relevant context. and of course Steve is one of my favorite characters, so anything even mildly Steve-negative puts me at least somewhat on the defensive right away, which again is not necessarily fair. (the other post that’s already sitting in my notes is about Ragnarok, which is probably even less surprising.)

anyway the post made me grumpy to begin with and then doubly so because I couldn't think of a good way to refute it aside from "yeah well maybe Steve's just a better person than your faves and he doesn't need a whole character arc about realizing he's been an asshole and needs to change because he didn't start out as an asshole to begin with, bet you didn't think of that huh" which is of course VERY unhelpful. but then I started thinking about how I don't think OP is right about the changed characters to begin with, given that a) it's not really fair to compare a character who's only had one solo movie (Dr. Strange) with characters who've had more, b) Spider-Man is kind of an edge case because he's a teenager and a lot of the problems in his movies stem from a combination of him being a fucking teenager and Tony dumping him with tons of dangerous tech that he doesn't have the training or adult impulse control to use safely and then blaming him when disaster inevitably results, and c) the characters who have had multiple movies and arcs focused on realizing they were wrong about something (just Thor and Tony, really) are...maybe not actually great examples because like 75% of that character development seems to reset after each movie and, actually, the narrative still operates under the premise that these characters are basically right even if some other characters don't agree. like...I mean, the only lessons Thor really, consistently seems to learn are "humans are at least not totally worthless (but lbr they're mostly silly and cute)" and "Odin is extremely wise and probably right about almost everything despite mountains of evidence--that grow with every single film he's in--to the contrary". 

and Tony, well--yeah, that's his arc, in theory, and in theory I don't have a problem with flawed characters who keep making the same mistakes because let's face it, that's a very human thing to do. but with posts like this, it's like...you're effectively arguing that he doesn't really make mistakes overall, though, because it’s really just an opportunity for growth? and that when he does, the narrative shows he's wrong, he admits he's wrong, and he makes consistent efforts to change? which...again, obviously I have my own biases, but I have to see this as a weird interpretation because he's basically been the main character of the entire MCU thus far, which means he's likely to get sympathetic treatment and justification from the narrative even if he's ostensibly being called out for fucking up, and that's something I've definitely seen. his entire first movie is about him realizing how wrong he was and working to do better, definitely, but he ends up being his own worst enemy half the time and other people suffer for it. like...he wants to protect the world, okay, that's a reasonable goal. you can argue that the vision Wanda gave him made things worse, and that's possible, but I don't know how much that might be true given that I'm pretty sure he was working on Ultron before that too (and her mind-magic mostly seemed to work by emphasizing something that was already there, not planting new ideas). so he ends up creating a murderbot, with good intentions but he still does it and he keeps it secret from the other Avengers, and now-sentient murderbot immediately reaches the conclusion that humanity is awful and they won't need protecting if they're all gone, and everything breaks very bad, and then Tony...basically does the exact same thing again, without telling anybody else, in hopes that it'll work out better this time because JARVIS? and it does but that seems like mostly luck? and everybody manages to defeat the murderbot, barely, but a not-insignificant number of civilians die anyway because that tends to happen when a sentient murderbot goes on a rampage, and Tony feels really guilty about this when it's shoved in his face, so he deals with his guilt by kind of...spreading it around and allowing the possibility of other major problems down the line so they can hand over some of that responsibility and he can feel less guilty. (that’s not the most charitable interpretation, yeah, but I also don’t think it’s an unreasonable one, based on what’s there in the text.) and then of course things blow up and other problems get dragged in and it's a huge mess and half the Avengers are fugitives, and the general consensus sort of seems to be that nobody was completely right or completely wrong but Steve is the only one who actually apologizes for any of it (no wait, I guess Wanda and Vision apologized but just to each other) and Rhodey reinforces the idea that the Accords were a good idea with no major drawbacks...and then Thanos shows up and things get SO VERY MUCH worse.

and Tony is once again stricken with grief and guilt (not to mention half dead), so lashing out at Steve is understandable, but what he actually says is basically that this is all Steve's fault because he wasn't there (even though he immediately sent Tony that phone, which means Tony could have contacted him at any time but hesitated to do so even when monsters were basically falling from the sky), and he was right about the Accords and Ultron even if the latter didn't work out so well in ways that probably could have been predicted, and...that's what we're left with. nobody else has a meaningful opportunity to say "now hold on a second, you cannot possibly be arguing both for accountability and for your right to decide for the entire world that exchanging some freedom for some potential security is a good trade, and also how are you saying you were essentially right about Ultron when Ultron is what kicked off the desire for the Accords" or, like, anything. (does the world need a security blanket? going by the evidence...yeah, probably? but again. Tony. you tried that and you made a sentient murderbot instead so like, your track record is not great!!)

and then it all culminates with Tony sacrificing himself to save the universe, which I do at least think was a climactic, thematically resonant send-off for such a major character--for the final time, in the most final possible of ways, he reaches a point where there's no more clever tricks and he reacts by selflessly taking the entirety of the consequences onto himself. I can't say I'm happy with it, because I'm not a fan of character death in general even when it doesn't involve my top faves, and it absolutely would have been possible for the filmmakers to keep him alive if they hadn't gone into this with the specific intention of ending Tony's arc with his death. (ditto on all the other major character deaths, which is a big part about why they make me mad--none of them really, honestly had to happen, some even less than others.) but regardless of my feelings on whether it had to happen, it's inarguable that his entire arc from Iron Man to Endgame is that of a brilliant but selfish manchild who changes and grows until he doesn't hesitate to make the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of the entire universe.

BUT THEN THERE'S SPIDER-MAN AGAIN.

spoilers if you haven't seen Spider-Man: Far From Home but like, the entire conflict of that movie was based on two major things: a bunch of disgruntled Stark Industries employees, at least some of whom had to have legitimate, recent grievances (and frankly that whole mess demonstrates--among other things--that Stark Industries must have unforgivably lax security around its arsenal of world-ending weapons); and Tony's decision at some point to essentially REMAKE ULTRON AND THEN DUMP THAT RESPONSIBILITY ON A FUCKING TEENAGER WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN THE WAY OF WARNINGS, TRAINING, OVERSIGHT, OR EVEN BASIC FAILSAFES, like holy shit my computer spends more time making sure I definitely want to delete that file than EDITH does about confirming that yes this random teenager is a legitimate target for IMMEDIATE DEATH. all the other adults involved in this clusterfuck bear a good share of the responsibility for this too, given that not one of them ever seemed to think either "hey, maybe saddling a smart and very good but basically normal sixteen-year-old boy with the power and responsibility (but not the resources or experience) of a grown-ass adult with unlimited resources is not the smartest move here, and yelling at him when he inevitably fucks up this power and responsibility we dumped on him with no training whatsoever is not actually fair or reasonable" or even "maybe before giving a piece of massively powerful and dangerous tech to a sixteen-year-old boy, we should spend at least 15 minutes going over the device's major functions and how to not accidentally kill someone, even if we figure things like ethics and privacy rights and knowing when not to use this tech aren't that important".

but, but, Tony still made the decision to give it to him, and he did so without building in any precautions at all, which is the exact same thing he did in CW/Homecoming with Peter's new suit (yes, the Training Wheels protocol was a good step, but the fact that it could just be turned off that easily--and that Tony isn't shown even trying to tell Peter to use the training programs or safely practice with the suit--shows that it really, really wasn't good enough) except even worse because EDITH is about 100 times more invasive and destructive than the suit. and he pretty much scolded Peter in Homecoming for getting ahead of himself, but then the second Peter did well in a bad situation Tony was right back to making this teenager an official Avenger and giving him all this power and responsibility he'd just decided Peter hadn't really earned, and Peter turned him down because at that point he had a better idea of his own limits and need for growth than Tony did, and then!! in what must have been one of his last acts alive!! Tony dumped an even bigger, more dangerous power/responsibility combo on him!!! way way bigger than the one he'd already turned down and maturely decided he wasn't yet experienced enough to handle!!! without even giving him a chance to say no!!!! and did not take any of that (or the mess with Ultron and the lessons he theoretically learned there, or the mess with the Accords and the lessons he theoretically learned there, or for that matter the lessons he theoretically learned in his three solo movies about treating his employees well and making sure he knows exactly what his company is doing at all times) into account when designing it, handing it off to other adults who also should have been more responsible about it, and leaving it to a teenager against that teenager's stated wishes, thereby ensuring that this teenager will follow Tony's footsteps in being unable to have a normal life!!!!!

...................but, okay, the point of the original post was that Steve is generally deemed to be Always Right and therefore he never has to change, and that makes him unrelatable at best and also not a great character. which...well, that's part of the point, that's why he was picked for Project Rebirth in the first place because he's a good dude dedicated to doing what's right; even before the serum, he was literally willing to die to protect a few people he barely knew (the grenade scene, remember). he was already starting from a point of selflessness and an understanding of responsibility that the others lacked, so it would be tough to give him a similar character arc without undermining or ignoring the whole point of the character. sure, though, even a character like Steve is imperfect and human and bound to be wrong sometimes, and when that happens he should acknowledge he was wrong and take steps to make amends, and if he's never shown doing any of that, it's true that it's not great even if part of the issue is that he's never really put in a position to do so. 

except, except DID YOU ALL COMPLETELY FORGET THE ENDING OF CIVIL WAR

like, sure, if what you wanted was to hear Steve say "I was wrong about everything and Tony was right about everything, and I will humbly submit to whatever you think is best regardless of my own convictions, my very good reasons for having those convictions, and my personal concerns for my friends, or at the very least I will humbly ask for forgiveness and accept whatever you throw at me, because Tony Was Right About Everything," then...yeah, I'm sure it was a disappointment, especially if you figure Tony was right about the Accords and at least the intentions behind Ultron. it's true Steve doesn't really address any of that, which indicates he definitely still believes he’s right about those parts. but...look, the last time he saw Tony, he was fighting to save his lifelong friend from being murdered from a crime he didn't necessarily remember and really wasn't responsible for. once again I don't blame Tony for reacting emotionally and lashing out at the nearest targets instead of the people who were really at fault, but that doesn't change the facts of the situation, which are, Steve was fighting to save Bucky's life. and when he did that by incapacitating Tony, he didn't go any further; he took Bucky and left. and then he almost immediately sent Tony a letter of apology and a means of contacting him in return if an emergency comes up--and again, yes, his apology wasn't "I'm sorry for everything because I was wrong about everything," but it was a genuine, compassionate apology for the ways he'd hurt Tony even if his intentions were basically good. (this of course assumes that he really did know for a fact that Bucky killed the Starks and consciously chose to hide the knowledge from Tony, and frankly I'm not convinced that's true, but it's not really the issue here.) honestly, I thought his letter was kind of funny because it so closely followed the format of the apology-note meme--you know, "I was trying to do X, but I see now that I hurt you because Y" and everything. he didn't apologize for opposing the Accords or protecting Bucky or fighting in Germany so he could get to Siberia in time to stop what he had every reason to believe was a much bigger threat, because all those actions stemmed directly from his convictions and sense of morality and he wouldn't be Steve Rogers or Captain America if he was willing to compromise his most foundational convictions--but he absolutely did apologize for hurting Tony and recognized that he'd made at least one big mistake where Tony was concerned. 

Tony...didn't. even before doubling down on the Accords and Ultron, I don't think he ever really said, hey, at least some of this was my bad; most of what he said boiled down to "okay this situation isn't ideal but I'm sure if I throw more money at it things will work out fine, more or less". in the Raft and in Siberia he got close to saying that maybe he'd been wrong about a few things, but that all went out the window pretty quick, and I don't think there's ever a point where he--just for instance--at least apologizes for trying very very hard to kill Bucky. and by Endgame, apparently he’s pretty much walked back what little he did kinda sorta think he was maybe wrong about. so.

that's...basically what I've got, OP’s interpretation is wrong because their facts are actually wrong and I was apparently annoyed enough to barf out all these words when I could’ve been doing anything else, the end

[arlingtonpark]

#worthit

You know, we’re lucky Zeke is a moron. At long last he has access to the ultimate power in the world, and instead of using it then and there, he tries to show Eren the error of his ways like this is A Christmas Story or something.

Zeke thought he was Chris Marley and Eren was Ebenezer Scrooge. Turns out, he’s a QANON believer and Grisha is the owner of Comet Ping Pong.

It’s just stunning how unself-aware Zeke is. He’s like one of those hyper-partisan, extremely-online people who shout about how Obama is a tool for the rich, but freeze up when asked for details. This is a man so immersed in his own worldview, his head so far up his ass, that all he accomplished is making the most spectacular own-goal of the entire series.

I mean, he takes Eren on this wild ride, is basically making this all up as he goes along, certain that the next memory will be the one that proves Grisha’s EVIL-ness, and they spend God knows how long watching a dude filing paperwork.

This exercise was meant to turn Eren to his side, but all it’s done is create an opening for Eren to turn Zeke. And that may happen, honestly. Zeke’s beliefs have been pretty shaken now, so he may be receptive to some reasoned persuasion.

But up next is Grisha stealing the Founding Titan, so Zeke definitely won’t be want for validating material.

The only bigger jackass this chapter is Eren.

Eren really, honest and for truly, fucked up. He shat on his friends, he shat on his country, he shat on little kids, and he did it so he could trick Zeke into unlocking the Founding Titan powers for him.

Except now all that’s out the window because actually Zeke is in charge.

Oops.  

Eren presumably did all this because he couldn’t bear to see Historia’s life shortened, but now it seems he has no choice but to do it anyway, meaning he did all this shit for nothing! Amazing! Dreams really don’t come true in this story!

I love how the chapter foreshadows Eren dropping the ball by showing him literally dropping a ball.

At least now it means Historia is going to be relevant again soon. I don’t think I’ve ever said it before, but I lean towards the pregnancy being fake.

Yeah, Historia having a kid means Zeke’s dream can be easily undone, but Zeke probably realizes this and plans to overwrite King Fritz’s deal with the Founding Titan with one of his own: all future royal bearers of the Founding Titan will be infected with Zeke’s ideology instead.

After that, all he’d have to do is feed Eren to Historia. Zeke’s ideology takes over, and everything is set.

Eren needs Historia to eat Zeke, and Zeke would need Historia to eat Eren. And all the while Historia just wants to eat out Ymir.

Would Zeke really do that to his little brother?

…Yeah, he would. Zeke himself said Eren was just a key this whole time. He wants to save Eren from Grisha’s brainwashing, but remember that means convincing him life isn’t worth living. Because of that, Zeke probably wouldn’t even see it as a betrayal. From his perspective, it’d be him freeing Eren from the hell of life.

The reason why I think the pregnancy is fake is because I figure Zeke somehow coerced Historia into it, but then Eren told her about his true intentions and told her get pretend-pregnant. Then, once Zeke was disposed of, Historia could drop the act and live happily ever after.

(And then die with no heirs, thus leading to a succession crisis.)

And if the pregnancy actually is real?

Well, that would be a travesty and I’d rather not think about that.

This chapter has the most explicit endorsement of nationalism so far. Which is bad because no matter how much gold the series puts on it, nationalism is still a garbage heap of an ideology.  

Talking about nationalism and this series is a bit complicated because really there are two levels to this. There’s the depiction of nationalism in itself and then there’s that depiction as it relates to the social context of the story.

Just looking at the story, taking back the Founding Titan and actually having a ruler who cares for his subjects is very reasonable. King Fritz is a lunatic who believes Eldians deserve to die for the sins of their former Empire. And it’s understandable that people like Grisha would be pushed to support extreme beliefs like that the Empire must be restored.

Issues start to arise when you look at the social context of this story. King Fritz is pretty obviously a caricature of progressives who emphasize the need for society to own up to past sins. You see this in the United States with recent debates about Confederate monuments, for example.

Other debates about how the founding of the country is glorified and morally questionable actions like the three-fifths compromise are swept under the rug have been ongoing for literally centuries.

There are progressives who think these facts are not reflected upon enough, and then there are conservatives who think the progressives want Americans to hate being American.

Japan has a similar debate going on. The Japanese Empire of course did many awful things throughout its history, especially during World War II, when it tried to conquer East Asia. Japanese progressives argue this history is not given its due. (It isn’t)

King Fritz is obviously a caricature of these people and not a very flattering one. The strongest evidence that this series leans conservative is the echoing of the popular Japanese conservative talking point that the official history is a “masochistic” one designed to shame Japanese people.

Like, I don’t actually have to explain how the obvious parallel is obvious, do I?

Everything about King Fritz reads like a satire of liberals written by a Fox News pundit. Deranged king so obsessed with past sins he’s cool with his people dying for it? Did Sean Hannity write that?

Said King is a chump because he’s…a pacifist, which makes him weak, I guess. (How can a series be anti-war if #pacifismisforlosers?)

SNK’s brand of anti-pacifism seems reasonable on the surface, but when you consider the real world analogs the story’s set up, things start to fall apart.

The story’s message seems to be that the Eldians should be allowed to live as themselves with no outside interference and they should be allowed to use the wall titans to defend themselves if needed. That seems reasonable, but then you realize the Wall Titans are basically nukes, so the series is basically endorsing nuclear weapons and nuclear proliferation.

Nuclear weapons are not military weapons, as their in-story equivalents are set to be cast as. They’re used to wipe out women and children and unarmed people, and not for military uses. And their use leads to massive environmental damage.

It’s disturbing that the series treats the morality of their use as a given. Isayama doesn’t seem interested in grappling with this exceedingly difficult question at all. There is no debate between the characters on this, literally everyone wants to use them, even Armin who previously made a point of not wanting to.

It’s simply stunning that this series would set up such a weighty situation and just not grapple with the moral implications of it. Does Isayama even realize the metaphor he himself has written?

This isn’t to defend Fritz’s actions. Just up and leaving like he did was lazy and irresponsible, but that just ties back into the hyperbole of the caricature. The details aren’t important in the sense that what’s important is the overall statement being made. It may seem weird, defending the idea this character supposedly stands for, but not defending his literal actions in the story, but that’s because you’re not approaching the story from the perspective of satire.

Isayama’s laughable statements aside, Attack on Titan is clearly satirical. It is making its point through hyperbolic caricature. Though with King Fritz the series arguably veers into straw-manning.

It may be hyperbole, but no reasonable pacifist actually believes we should roll over and let other people kill us, and I honestly can’t believe we are apparently supposed to take this seriously.

The point is that pacifism is bad.

King Fritz swears a vow to renounce war, which the series has lambasted at every possible opportunity. This vow is directly analogous to the vow to renounce war contained in Japan’s constitution, which also binds future generations no matter their personal beliefs since, ya know, it’s the law.

Fritz does this because he believes it will lead to an everlasting peace, which also echoes Japan’s constitution, which renounces war specifically in the name of peace.

Article 9 in Japan is broadly popular with the public, but is criticized by a small usually conservative minority.

All of this is to say that the series echoes conservative talking points and generally seems to be written from that perspective.

Now we come to this chapter. Zeke explicitly refers to Grisha’s ideology as a nationalism and is then made to look like a dumbass for thinking Grisha is an evildoer.

#nationalistshavefeelingstoo.

Yeah, Grisha loves his family, but who cares? The series is clearly going frame Grisha forsaking his mission to be with his family as a mistake, because that’s what this series does! In the world of SNK, people who chase their dreams either fail in some way or are otherwise evil, unless that dream is to fight for the survival of your race, in which case you’re a hero.

Nationalism is bad because it’s an ideology centered on loving your race. It is an inherently exclusionary belief system. The series may not be afraid to criticize specific methods, but the idea of fighting for your race is itself not presented as a bad thing.

Even though in the real world, you would be hard pressed to find a similarly sympathetic example of a nationalist movement.

Nationalism is an inherently emotional ideology, it is fueled by grievance. The series acknowledges that certain expressions of nationalism can be fueled primarily by emotion, but we are also apparently supposed to think that a “rational” nationalism is possible.

In fact, rational nationalism is an oxymoron.

The idea of fighting for your race can never be rational because the notion is inherently irrational. The only people who would care enough about their race to emphasize fighting for it are the desperately insecure.

Whether it’s because they’re desperate for anything about themselves to love, like with Floch, or outraged over the targeting of their race specifically, like with Grisha, nationalism is never born out of some coldly rational thought process.

So now the Yeager Bros. finally succeed and Eren finally gets to betray Zeke. But wouldn’t you know it! It’s the royal who has control of the Founding Titan!

I was leaning against this idea, but for a while now I’ve had the inkling that the Founding Titan is supposed to be a metaphor for the concept of sovereignty, and now it seems that instinct was right.

Sovereignty refers to the absolute authority that governments have. In republics like the United States, sovereignty resides in the government, but it is exercised on behalf of the people.

In monarchies, sovereignty resides in the reigning monarch, who rules by God’s grace.

The key word here is “resides.” The king/president is merely a vessel for the sovereign authority of the government.

For many centuries, kings, and, later, officeholders in general, were thought of as having two bodies.

Their body natural, that is, their physical, human bodies.

And the body politic, that is, the power that comes with the office.

When the king dies, only their body natural dies, but the body politic is eternal and passes on to the next body natural that occupies the position of king.

The Founding Titan is apparently modeled after this idea. Each successive Eldian king is a vessel for the Founding Titan, which grants absolute authority over all Eldians, but only to those who are of royal blood, ie those with the right to rule.

Of course, only people with a legitimate claim to the throne may properly exercise sovereign authority, just as only Zeke may command the Founding Titan. As I said in an earlier post, as a commoner, Eren’s use of the Founding Titan is illegitimate by default.

Needing a royal sympathetic to his cause creates an opening for Historia to become relevant again and that just highlights how everything would’ve been better if Eren had just used her in the first place.

I get that Eren cares about his friends (really hoping he and Historia are just friends), but if you think that makes Eren sympathetic, then let me tell you a little secret: it doesn’t.

Prioritizing someone’s literal life over another’s simply because you know them is awful. It reduces the choice of what you should do to the randomness of who you just so happen to have gotten to know better.

If this was just about who Eren was going to spend a Saturday night with, then choosing based on rapport would be fine, but the stakes here are significantly higher. People are dead.

The excuse that Eren is doing this for his friend’s sake is no excuse at all.

At this point we’re half way through the fourth volume of this arc. The next chapter will probably wrap up this A Christmas Story riff and the chapter after that will most likely end with the Wall Titans finally being awakened.

Afterwards, I’m betting it’s just one more volume to close out the story proper and then maybe we’ll get a volume for that epilogue Isayama mentioned once in an interview.

[dentalhoney]

In Regards To ThistleClan

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS NOT MEANT IN AGGRESSION. I DO NOT CONDONE THE HARASSMENT OF THOSE INVOLVED. IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, ASK. 

So, what prompted my posting this? Recently, most of the players who made up ThistleClan ( which I was a part of ) in @land-ofthe-lost, were banned without much preface for it. However, we were informed of what was being told overall, a story of which spun events very differently than how they were. Now, could there have been misunderstandings? Absolutely! I believe that’s what happened! However, things have been handled very poorly.

It seems that some of us were given messages from a bot explaining why we were banned. Some of which explanations which didn’t make all that much sense whatsoever. But, some of us didn’t receive a message at all. A much-beloved part of our RP experience was just...gone...in a flash. In my opinion, it’s kind of wrong anyways that they had a bot send these things.

*To The Mods: Since I am @'ing your RP, I'll address you directly as well.  I'm making this post on behalf of my fellow players. Me, personally, I am willing to speak to you all privately. I'd rather have a discussion. I want to reiterate that this isn't an attack on you. But the way this was handled has truly hurt a lot of us. However, we are sorry that in all of this you were hurt as well. It was never our intention, unfortunately communication was poor. But, we can't exactly just sit by and see an untrue story spun about us. The rest will be under the cut, this is a long post.

Now, what did the moderation team say was the reason for the ban to others? 

This is from the post given an explanation to non-banned members:   “As of today, we have banned the majority of ThistleClan after months of harassment and being made aware of a separate server in which complaints about the server were discussed but never brought to the moderation team. When we tried to work with these members we were met with hostility and aggression, being called passive aggressive and attacked for any moderation we did.”

Let’s address that statement!

Was there a chat made to discuss issues within the server?

Yes, absolutely! We as a clan had many troubles with how moderation handled a lot of the members of ThistleClan. We had very active members leave the server entirely because of their discomforts, and a number contemplating the same action. But, we didn’t want it to come to that. So, as a collective, we made this server so we could all discuss our grievances with the moderation team. We wanted our thoughts to be collected and presented by a more neutral mediator, instead of a bunch of disgruntled ThistleClanners going at the mod team.

It should also be mentioned: Some of the individuals who were banned were not involved in this server discussing the issues whatsoever. So, this was not a ban that was reserved only to those involved with this discussion server.

So, we never brought the issues to the mod team?

False. Our chosen mediator, Em ( who played Marigoldstar ), brought these thoughts and worries to one of the mods and would relay their responses to us so we could respond and give our thoughts. These discussions seemed to go pretty well. After the discussions were had, ThistleClan began to feel normal and active again.

What were the issues Thistleclanners had with the mods?

Overall, many ThistleClanners felt ignored or brushed aside. I, for example, felt like it was pulling teeth to get any of my desired plots for my characters moved forward. I had to wait for permission on an event and time from the mods, which is fine, except I felt frequently left in the dark. I didn’t hear from moderation for what felt like ages and did often ask them again about matters. I wound up feeling ignored, and undesired within the RP. Like my plots that I felt were important didn’t matter. It was like being in limbo.

 Some players also felt like mods were passive aggressive or condescending to them. There were times when players would joke, and be shut down immediately despite mods making similar jokes. Additionally, players felt like their recommendations were ignored when it came to server suggestions and the like. 

 Players felt their characters were micromanaged and power-played by the moderators. One of our players was literally told by a mod that they couldn’t make a certain choice because it was out of character….for their own character….the character they made and played. It didn’t make much sense and just felt as though the mods were trying to push for something that favored their characters, rather than allowing the plot of our clan progress naturally.

 In the overall environment that brewed from this, most of us were uncomfortable approaching the mods. We felt we had to walk on eggshells, and some of us even stopped feeling comfortable talking in the general chat. We were happy within our own clan chats, but, uneasy most other places.

Of course, the blame of how things went isn’t entirely on the mod team. Despite our best efforts, communication fell through in a lot of areas. Because we couldn’t fully recover from things with the tension initially, some things just remained awkward. Sure, we should have communicated better. But up until this event, when we were banned? We generally thought things had been worked out. We thought that the discussions we had of our problems had gotten through. Things seemed to have gotten better. But, I guess not.

I want to point out, that to my personal knowledge nobody in ThistleClan was privately or collectively spoken to about this issue before it happened. It took us all for a shock. I was absolutely broken to find out what had happened, and so were many of us. Many of us had invested nearly a year into this RP. I had been RPing in it since July of 2018, and now...it’s all for naught.

I wish things had gone better, but they didn’t.

*ADDENDUM:

An additional issue that may need to be addressed is some of the dark nature of plots in ThistleClan. Yes, our clan was considered “edgy”. We had many dark and heavy things happen within the clan, and that is not denied. But, these things were done with permission. Many of the gruesome events were even given by mods. ( Including a fox maiming multiple warriors, and a hawk maiming an apprentice. ) There were things that needed to be worked on, namely that individuals like myself needed to take more care to tag some content. However, this content was almost always discussed prior. And when it was brought up that mistakes in tagging were made, we apologized and tried to correct the behavior.

That is all.