#anyways that's enough emo shit for today

[denwritesandcries]

Call me Yours – N.S

Pairing: natalie scatorccio x fem!reader

Summary: You’re in a closet with Natalie Scatorccio. How ironic.

Word count: 2,3k.

Content: NSFW minors dni, no crash!AU, cursing, arguing, jealousy, makeout session, thigh riding, slightly toxic behavior?? but it wouldn't be a yellowjacket relationship if it weren't just a little.

Note: Is it a secret relationship?? Friends with benefits??? I don't know man but they’re horny.

English is not my first language.

You're in a closet with Natalie Scatorccio.

There is a party going on outside, students filling the rooms of Lottie's house with loud generic music playing in the background, but the small room you two were locked in remained silent, too silent.

“See ya’ in 7 minutes, ladies!” Van's mocking voice cuts through the air, but a knife could have done the same; the blonde snorts and you roll your eyes, fixing your gaze somewhere in the darkness so you don't have to face her.

“Ugh, how old does she think we are?” Natalie hisses, you can feel her eyes on your face, even though you can't see much more than the outline of her body at the moment.

You say nothing, arms crossed over your chest and a frown covering your face, Nat tries again:

“I didn’t even want to come to this stupid party.”

“I get it,” you bite, just because you know her well enough to guess that she won’t stop complaining until she gets something out of you, “I get that you don’t want to be here, Natalie.”

She must finally realize how mad you are – mad at her – at the sound of her full name instead of the nickname that always seemed to be on the tip of your tongue, because you swear you can hear her teeth chattering when she shuts her mouth.

With a growl of frustration, you let your head hit the wall with a thud. Great, your night was already being shit, the last thing you needed was to end up playing 7 minutes in heaven with the person who was the cause of your bad mood. Simply amazing.

You see, Natalie had been acting weird for days now, randomly avoiding your company and acting like she didn't know you in the school hallways and being really rude to you during practice. Now, this might even be normal and acceptable behavior from the quiet blonde if you were anyone else, but you weren't. You are her girlfriend.

Are? Were? You don't know for sure anymore given the way she's been acting lately.

Maybe it wouldn't have made you so angry – confused? Yes. Sad? Definitely, but not angry like that – if it weren't for today, for the party.

You had planned to meet Nat at Lottie's party and corner her to finally make her explain what the hell is wrong, dammit, because one afternoon you're smoking with your girlfriend and friends quietly in the basement and the next she's throwing you daggers with her glance every time you open your mouth around her. Anyway, that's what you were going to do, until you found her in the Matthews' giant kitchen leaning against the counter with a cup of beer in her hand and Kevyn Tan practically throwing himself at her, keeping an arm full of spike bracelets wrapped around her shoulders and face with heavy makeup too close to hers to be considered friendly, drooling for Nat like he's always done since you've known about his existence.

Now that really pissed you off.

Who does that sad, emo, pitiful boy think he is to touch your girlfriend like that? And why is she letting him?

You think she could feel you fuming as you stared at them from the door, because the next second she lifted her head and looked at you like a deer caught in the headlights, as if she knew exactly that she was doing something she shouldn't have.

Screw it, you thought, if she'd rather act like you didn't matter anymore, then fine. You won't be standing just watching.

You turned around and only managed to disappear around the house for the next half hour before Taissa appeared with a tired frown and practically dragged you to where the group had gathered with an empty bottle, because Van and Jackie wanted to play something – 'If I'm in this, then you’re too!’ – and well, fuck.

You two have been completely quiet for almost a whole minute and that it's eating you alive; Nat has always handled silence well, you haven't.

Fidgeting with the hem of your own shirt angrily, you huff and give up on the tough act, the blonde straightens up when she hears your footsteps approaching her.

"What is happening?" Your voice comes out in a shamefully desperate tone, “Why are you acting like this with me? What did I do?"

You can see her now, being so close and now used to the dark; her fists are clenched, Natalie keeps her eyes fixed on your figure. For a moment, you think she's going to keep her cold facade and avoid your question with some sarcastic response, she most likely considered it, from the way her mouth opens and closes for a quick moment.

She turns her face to the side, trying to hide, but you can see the difference in tone in the paleness of her skin anyway. Oh, she's embarrassed.

“Nat?”

She mumbles something you don't understand, then your curiosity gives way to the anger and your hands find her face, turning it so Natalie is looking at you.

"What was this?" You ask again, softly this time.

“You called me your girlfriend.” She spits it out fast as if it were just a single sentence, rolling her eyes at your confused face, “You called me your girlfriend to everyone when we were smoking after practice last week.”

Oh, you remember that, when Jackie decided to lecture you all about the smell of smoke that lingered on her clothes after she and Shauna decided to tag along on one of your hangouts with Lottie, Van and Tai, turning up her nose and talking about how you all – and especially Nat – should stop with this habit. ‘Jackie, stop bothering my girlfriend!’, that’s what you said. Is that what made you spend a whole week grounded in the doghouse?

“...And isn’t that what we are?” You try, unsure. This conversation is not taking a very pleasant turn toward a reconciliation.

Nat bites hard her bottom lip, you can see her struggling with the next words:

“It’s just… no one was supposed to know.”

“Oh,” you mutter pathetically, sounding very much like a wounded puppy, “So that’s the problem.”

You're in a closet with Natalie Scatorccio. How ironic.

You can tell she regrets it the moment she says it, grabbing your hands in hers as you pull away.

“No, no, I’m sorry. I– I didn’t mean it like that.”

“How did you meant that then?” Your initial anger and frustration return with a vengeance, you move forward until Nat's back hits a shelf in the small room.

Natalie always does this. Avoid anything that labels your relationship as real; calling your dates ‘hangouts’, not touching you when there are people around, leaving your house before you wake up in the morning, avoiding kisses and caresses that don't initiate anything sexual, calling you ‘friend’ when you can see that the whole team knows this is not all you two are.

Still, – still – she always shows up at your house when she's upset; she doesn't like it when you miss your 'hangouts'; always stays close to you wherever you are together; gets mad when she sees you talking to other girls, even if they are nothing more than classmates; leaves marks all over your body, but doesn't let you do the same, spots and more spots all over your neck that are impossible to cover. People know that you're dating, they just don't know that you're dating Natalie.

And then she gets mad at you for finally putting a name to whatever this is and starts avoiding you completely, even though it's been months since it all started and you've known each other for years.

Nat gasps when your hands find her waist with a firm grip, bringing your lips closer to her ear:

“I’m gonna make you want me to be your girlfriend.”

You swear you feel the shiver that runs through her body. Nat smells like cigarettes and mint gum and it tastes the same when your mouth meets hers.

Her arms are around your neck before she's even processed what's happening, black painted nails playing with the hair on the back of your neck like it's second nature – and it is.

The way Natalie tilts her head to deepen the kiss and bites your lip hard when your hands come up to caress the skin under her shirt says your actions are much appreciated.

The husky, needy moan that escapes your throat when you realize she's braless, palming and massaging her soft skin brings a cocky smile to her face, she sighs, breaking the kiss and letting her head fall back against the shelf in satisfaction.

Nat doesn't moan, not like you do. She seems to want to hold back as much as possible, taking all kinds of reactions from you and your body, but not giving the pleasure of having the same from her. You want to change this.

You let your mouth roam from her strong jaw to her pale neck, leaving wet kisses, bites, and marks. Many marks. You bite the thin skin in different spots, soothing the bite with your tongue, hoping for the spots to form and stay there for days, for everyone to see.

You lazily slide a knee between her legs when you feel Natalie try to turn you around to take control. You usually let her do it, but not today. She squeals in surprise and pleasure, hips instantly grinding against you.

“Nah-ah, Nat,” you cut, bringing a hand down to slow the pace of her hips, “I guess you shouldn’t take anything today, or do you think I forgot about how much you paid attention to that little emo bastard earlier, huh?”

“You hate him that much, huh?” She tries to say in a mockery tone, wanting to turn the tables again, but it sounds pathetic as her voice breaks later in the last words.

“Yes,” you say easily, leaving a lingering kiss on her shoulder, finding her pulse point, “He was touching you. Touching my girlfriend.”

You bite down hard on the skin when Natalie turns her head to grant access and she moans, actually moans, fuck, you did it. A full sound, loud enough to make your pupils dilate until your irises almost disappear. This, this sound, you want to hear this forever.

It's been more than seven minutes, you think, or maybe our discussion was just really quick. You wonder if you would have time to take one of her breasts into your mouth, feeling the way she rolls her eyes and thrusts her hips against your thigh, now free from your hands, when you roll her nipples hard between your fingers.

She sighs as she receives another kiss from you, much softer now, more affectionate, feeling her hand tracing circles on your cheek.

A quick, loud knock on the door startles you both, making Nat jump and bang her head against one of the shelves behind her and knock something over, “Fuck!” She screams and you instinctively reach for her head to check for injuries.

You look at the source of the knock, it's definitely not Van calling, she would have opened the door at once just to laugh at your faces.

“Girls, time is over!” Jackie's voice sings on the other side.

“Ugh,” Natalie grunts, clearly frustrated at being interrupted so abruptly, she takes the opportunity to finally take a look at the closet as you head towards the door, “Is this some kind of pantry?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug, “Rich people have so many random rooms scattered around their houses.”

There are loud whistles and jeers as you leave, half the football team gathered in the busy room and giving you knowing looks, you give Van the finger when she points out the traces of dark lipstick on your mouth.

“Were you guys actually going to fuck in there?” She teases, arching an eyebrow with a smirk.

You open your mouth to retort – probably with something stupid – but Natalie is quicker:

“Fuck off Van, stop bothering my girlfriend.”

Van gives up the provocation, raising her arms in surrender and Nat rolls her eyes as if she hadn't said anything important, but you're absolutely frozen, listening to your heart beating rapidly against your ears.

Natalie looks back when she notices you standing still and snorts in amusement at your reaction, grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you with her.

“C’mon,” she says, “Let’s go, silly, I got something to do–”

“Move!” Jackie interrupts with an anxious tone, pushing you gently by the shoulder and bouncing on her heels, “It’s our turn.”

You catch a glimpse of Shauna standing shyly behind her like a shadow being dragged to the closet and Jeff sitting on the floor with the rest of his classmates with the most confused and defeated expression you've ever seen as Nat hurriedly guides you out.

When you're about to get into her car, Natalie surprises you, grabbing your waist with her cold hands and pressing you against the door, hungry eyes fixed on your form.

“I–” you stutter nervously, “I thought we were going home?”

Natalie nods.

“We are,” she agrees, “I just have to do you first.”

Well, maybe your night won't end as bad as you thought it would.

[seeingivy]

you belong with me

satoru gojo x f!reader

**part of my satoru as taylor swift songs series

content: high school!au, gojo is a robotics nerd, reader is class president, emo nanami (my beloved), toji is ur shitass football playing boyfriend, typical cheesy highschool drama

an: tell me why posting this is giving me a tummy ache like I haven't posted for gojo in forever and now i think I suck at it :OOO anyways, please be nice to me about this and close your eyes if you hate it. also, totally reliving my high school days when I was senior class vice president (worst experience of my life) FDLJFKDSJFLS

--

You’re a hater. A self proclaimed, real-life, deep in your soul hater. 

What do you hate today? Being class president. 

You hate that you willingly ran, somehow won, had people up your ass all day about stuff that wasn’t in your control, and got stuck in the current situation you were in. Which was arguing with your boyfriend Toji, as you pace around your room and do your own fair share of screaming back. 

“You just did that shit because you were pissed at me.” 

“I did not, Toji. You know, not everything is about you. Other people needed the money and I put it where it was needed.” 

“To the color guard team? Babe, no one gives a fuck about the color guard team. Everyone is at the homecoming game to watch the football team. Not a bunch of idiots waving flags in the air.” 

“They’re also part of the game and all their equipment is broken. They need it more than you when you guys literally get donors and funding from the district and-”

“You’re just pissed about the sweetheart thing. That’s why you’re doing this shit and taking it out on everyone else.” 

“Toji, I’m not even mad about-” 

You’re met with the sound of ringing over the phone, signaling that Toji had enough and finally hung up on you. You flop straight onto your bed, pushing your face so hard into your pillow that sits uncomfortably against your nose and the smell of your laundry detergent makes its way to the crevices of your brain.

You hear a banging behind you and twist around to see Gojo pointing at his walkie-talkie, switching it on as you reach for yours. It’s still covered in glittery pink stickers from when you were seven, the silver coming off on your hand every time you grab it. 

“Come in, bunny.” 

“Loud and clear, Toru.” 

He smiles, setting his hardware down - probably for another weird ass robot he was making - as he holds it up to his face, talking again. 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah. Just arguing with Toji, again. I’ll start allocating some of our funds to get you some sound proof windows.” 

“Much appreciated, Madam President. That’s very generous of you.” 

You laugh, dropping the walkie talkie to lift your fingertips to your temples, lightly massaging the pulsating under your skin. 

“For what it’s worth, the color guard team is really grateful you did that for them. I know Utahime was so excited when the new flags came in, she was flipping them around on the field for hours.” 

“That’s why it’s even more annoying. I know what I did was right, but he just doesn’t see it that way. Uta dragged me down to the field to watch them and their choreography looks so much better with the multicolored flags. They were really happy about it.” 

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown?” 

“Heavy is the head that’s dating Toji Fushiguro.” 

He laughs as you switch your channel off, taking the last few seconds to study you before you draw your curtains. He can see the tension sitting in your shoulders and how clearly it hurts you to argue with Toji like this. And it infuriates him. That you even have to go to sleep angry and that the cause is the headass idiot you’re dating. 

Toji Fushiguro is lucky, far more lucky than he realizes. Not for obvious reasons. Yeah, he’s a great football player and yeah, he’ll probably get scouted for some really good university at the end of the year. He doesn’t have a shortage of friends or intelligence and for all intents and purposes, he’s loved (which Gojo doesn’t understand at all). 

He’ll probably be that scumbag that people see a few years down the line and then get infuriated at. Because if an absolute asshat like Toji Fushiguro can be successful, then truly all things have gone to shit. That the patriarchy is real, that society is broken, living proof that the asshole always wins and everyone else always loses. 

But no, those are common reasons to hate Toji Fushiguro - ones he’s heard echoed by Suguru and Shoko every time he does something that pisses the two of them off. Like scream obscenities in the hallways, block their parking spots when they’re going to class, call them names when they walk by. 

No. Toji Fushiguro is lucky because he gets to date you. Because out of the long list of girls he had to pick one, Toji just had to pick the one that was his. The girl he’s been in love with since he moved in right across the street and had a smiley neighbor excitedly waving at him through her bay window. 

To him, love has always been the pigtail braids you used to wear everyday in the fourth grade, the matching walkie-talkies you bought him in sixth grade when he got grounded, and that sweet smile you’ve had since the first day he’s met you. 

And when he sees those green curtains pulled against the bay window he’s stared at for years, where he’s loved you from for years, he lifts the walkie and says what he forgot to mention. 

I love you.

--

Thanks to your gracious ride, you make it to school thirty minutes early. Your intuition - that Toji was ditching you as your ride to school this morning - was correct. Luckily, you made it in time just before class started. 

Nanami’s already seated on the green bench outside the classroom, headphones plugged into his ears. As you walk up, you silently wonder how much hair gel it takes to keep his Gerard Way hairstyle in place. 

“Hi Kento! How is my best friend doing on this fine morning?” 

“We’re not best friends.” 

“Sure we are!” 

You reach forward and pinch his cheek in your hand, which he only swats off and rolls his eyes at. That’s how you know your best friends. Because if it was anyone else, Nanami would probably break their hand and walk away. But he always lets you tease him, because he know he loves you. 

“Are you still fighting with that dog?” 

“That dog has a name. And it’s Toji. And I’m not sure, he didn’t pick me up for school this morning.” 

“Did he at least tell you he wouldn’t?” 

“No. I was lucky enough that Satoru had walked Megs to the bus stop a little late and I was able to get a ride with him.” 

Nanami looks over, narrowing his eyes at you, as the hallway starts getting crowded with people. And you know what he’s saying, what he’s been saying for the past few months. 

“You know, it’s very normal to give your neighbor a ride when they need one. Not everything has ulterior motives, Kento.” 

“That’s true. Everything doesn’t have ulterior motives. But he does. I’ve seen how he looks at you.”

“How does he look at me, Kento?” 

“Like he’d kiss the ground you’d walk on.” 

You roll your eyes, reaching up to mess up his perfectly styled hair. It doesn’t budge and you get a handful of minty smelling hair gel.

“As if.”

Like you’ve summoned him by bringing him up, Satoru’s sidestepping to where you and Nanami are sitting, Shoko and Getou in tow with him. 

“Nanami~~ How’s my best friend doing?” Satoru says, bending over to totally obscure Nanami’s line of vision.

“Shut the fuck up, Gojo.” Nanami responds. 

Nanami stands up, giving you a look, before he stalks away to his next class. Leaving you, Satoru, Shoko, and Getou standing in front of your classroom.  

“So. I hear you have a robotics competition?” you ask.

“Yeah. Next Saturday. We always practice our hardware out the night before, throw a little party in the lab. You should come.” Getou says, smiling at you. 

Satoru smacks Getou in the stomach right after he invites you, clearly trying to tell him something with his eyes. And then when he catches you staring, he gives you a nervous laugh. 

You get it. He doesn’t want you there.

“Don’t act too excited to see me now, Satoru. Anything more and I might think you like me.” you bite sarcastically.

“What? No, it’s not like that. I just-” Satoru stutters, 

“So you don’t like me?” you say, smirking at him. Shoko and Getou are laughing, the tips of Satoru’s turning pink as he very adamantly tells you that he does indeed like you. 

“I have stuff to set up for the homecoming game that day, so I won’t be able to. But I’ll try my best, yeah?” 

“Okay. Next time?” Getou asks. 

“Sure, Sugar-u. I’ll see you guys around, yeah?” 

You give the three of them a polite smile as you trudge away, leaving to meet Toji at his locker and give him a piece of your mind for this morning. Which leaves Shoko and Getou to give Satoru the scolding of his life. 

“Are you fucking stupid, Satoru? You made it seem like you didn’t want her there.” Shoko says, smacking him on the back of the head. 

“I panicked! Plus, Haibara always likes to play Just Dance and I’d rather not embarrass myself in front of her.” Satoru responds, rubbing the now sore spot on the back of his head. 

“You’re hopeless, Satoru. She’s never going to like you if you keep rejecting her the way you do.” Suguru says, dragging him along to the robotics lab. 

“She has a boyfriend. Who isn’t me. As if she would even consider dating me in the first place.” 

And when the three of them pass you by the lockers, clearly getting yelled at by Toji, it only furthers their argument more. 

“Yeah, I’m sure she really loves him, Satoru.” 

--

Your argument with Toji hours prior simmers in your head, as you wait for the bus to arrive and for this godforsaken day to finally be over. You watch him pile into his car with Salma and the other boys from the football team, which only makes your anger fester more. 

He’s doing this to piss you off. Of course, he’s doing this to-

“Need a ride?” 

You look up and unclench your fists to find Satoru, sparkly blue eyes shining at you and a hand held out to you. 

“Thanks.” 

He leads you to his car, an almost demolished Honda Civic from his maniacal driving, and you climb in, immediately putting your head in your hands. You can feel him moving around you, the engine purring on and him backing out of the spot. 

“About earlier. I don’t not want you to come to the robotics thing. I just thought it was awkward the way he asked you and I-I didn’t want you to feel obligated to come, you know? And I-I’d like it if you came too and so would the rest of us.” he rambles, a hand in his hair. 

You look up, his ears tinted pink from the confession. 

“I was just teasing you, Satoru. I’ll try to make it by, okay?” 

He sighs, a clear breath of relief, and looks over to smile.

“Okay, cool cool cool. Now tell me why you and Toji are fighting.” 

“When aren’t we fighting?” you murmur, pressing your head against the glass. 

“But why?” 

And when you look over, his blue eyes staring into yours, in earnest while the light is red, you unload it all. 

“Do you know about the sweethearts thing they do at the homecoming game?” 

“Uh. That’s when the cheerleaders wear the jerseys right. And then decorate the locker room or some shit for the players.” 

“Yeah. Well, it’s not limited to cheerleaders. It usually is, but if you’re dating someone, that person can do it for you.” 

“So I’m guessing Toji doesn’t want you to do it for him.” 

“Not exactly. He was just saying that it’s more traditional for a cheerleader to do it since they’re also on the side of the track and he wants to see his name out there instead of running around, trying to make sure the game is running and all that.” 

You slump into the chair as Satoru frowns, a pitying look in his eyes, as he keeps driving. You can’t help but watch him, his silhouette against the window - defined jaw, the slope of his nose. 

He’s not the guy who ran away from kissing you in the eighth grade. He’s just ten times hotter. 

You shake your head, letting the thought spill from your mind, as Satoru looks over. 

“Jamoca?” he says, giving you a wide grin. 

You can’t help but laugh, nodding as Satoru makes a sharp left turn, making his way to the ice cream shop. 

Jamoca is your favorite ice cream flavor. Coffee, layered with fudge and almonds, became a proclaimed favorite when Satoru dragged you once in the sixth grade. After very sorely losing the class president battle, you moped in your room for five days - even going as far as borrowing one of Nanami’s My Chemical Romance vinyls to truly and properly mope. 

On day three of blasting the vinyl, Satoru called enough and dragged you to the closest ice cream store, claiming it was the closest thing to therapy that you normies could afford. Since then, any bad day was easily solved with two things. 

Jamoca and Satoru. 

When you make it to the store, Satoru’s excitedly dragging you out of the car, his hand pressed in yours as you both run into the store, giggling while you order your single scoops. And when he drags you out to the curb and you sit there, you silently think to yourself why you ever stopped doing this in the first place. 

Satoru leans over, digging his chocolate fudge covered spoon into your cup, before talking. 

“So. If you guys fight so much, why are you still dating?” 

“Dunno. Feels weird to initiate a breakup, I guess. I can’t see myself doing it.” 

“Even when he wants other girls to be his sweetheart?” 

“Even when he wants other girls to be his sweetheart.” 

You kick the pebbles into the broken parts of the pavement, leaning your elbows on your knees. 

“I don’t know, Toru. I guess he was just the first guy who ever liked me back and then I….spent so much time in the relationship and trying to make it work that it feels weird to let it go now.” 

Satoru swallows hard, eyeing his melting ice cream, as he ponders the best response. Because in earnest, he has two options. Support you or be selfish. Support you to stay with Toji, to do what you’ve been doing because he knows it’s what you want. Or be selfish. Tell you that he you deserve better, that he could be that for you if you just let him. 

He reaches over, flicking you in the forehead. 

“Ouch, asshole.” 

“You’ve got a really big brain in there. And you always have. You’ll figure out the right thing to do, just give it time.” 

And when you give him a halfhearted smile, reaching over into his cup for a bite of his ice cream, he lets it go. 

He can’t be selfish. Not when it comes to you anyways. 

--

After running around all day, you give yourself thirty minutes to go to Satoru’s robotics thing. After triple checking the microphones work, the yearbook team has access to the field, the glitter has been set out for everyone trickling in, and that everyone who could possibly need your phone number has it, you speed run to the other side of campus, to the robotics lab. 

And when you make it, the five of them - Haibara, Nanami, Shoko, Getou, and Satoru - are in the room playing Just Dance. Shoko’s sitting on top of the desk, flippantly moving her remote in the air, while Satoru quite literally is trying to give it all he’s got - and losing apparently. 

You lightly push the door open, which stops the two of them in their tracks, and you’re met with some very excited cheers as they all drag you into the room. You take a seat next to Nanami, giving his cheek a pinch, which he hates. 

“You’re Haibara, right?” 

“You know who I am?” 

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re friends with Nanami and Nanami and I are best friends.” 

“No we aren’t.” responds Nanami, now sulking two seats away from you. 

“Are too.” 

You throw the nearest object, a pencil at Nanami, as you turn back to Haibara and laugh. 

“I like your shirt. Flight of the Navigator is a really good movie.” 

You see Satoru, Shoko, and Suguru’s eyes widen in the back at your words and hear a considerable amount of groaning from Nanami behind you. And after twenty minutes, you find out why. 

Haibara really, really loves Flight of the Navigator. Almost too much. In earnest, you barely remember the movie - at most, maybe the weird little alien companion he has. But here Haibara is, reciting the cast, the directors, acting out the scenes and it’s clear to you that you’ve tapped into some monster they all keep hidden. 

Luckily for you, Satoru comes to your rescue. 

“Okay, Haibara. I’m going to steal her for you for some Just Dance.” 

“I don’t Just Dance Satoru.” 

“Oh yeah? You’re just saying that because you know you’re going to lose.” 

You scoff, knowing exactly what he’s doing. 

“As if, sweetheart. I distinctly remember you banning us from ever playing that game together after I beat you in the fifth grade.” 

“You’re rusty. Maybe we’ll start with something easy. Like Rasputin.” 

“I could do Rasputin in my sleep, bitch.” 

“Prove it.” 

You roll your eyes as you march over to the front, where they’re projecting the game onto the screen. And just for posterity’s sake, you take Satoru’s sunglasses from where they were flipped over on the desk and put them on, effectively blinding yourself from the screen. 

And when the songs start, you can hear them all laughing behind you, Satoru and you hurling insults at each other as you dance on. And somewhere around the middle, you’re sure Satoru must be losing because he grabs your hands and suddenly he’s swinging you around in the air, his hands on your waist as you laugh. 

And when you take your blindfold off and the song dies down, Satoru wins by five points. 

“You asshole. You literally cheated, Satoru.” 

“Did not. You’re just a sore loser, bitch.” 

“You kiss your mom with that mouth?” 

“Every night, sweetheart.” 

You put the palm of your hand in his face as you push him away, moving to sit on the desk. He joins you, the two of you now watching Haibara and Nanami have a very one sided dance battle. 

After forty-five minutes, Satoru’s phone buzzes three times and the smile on his face drops when he checks. You place your hand on his, squeezing twice before asking. 

“You okay?” 

“Huh. Oh, yeah. I-I think you should go to the field. Right now.” 

“Wait, what? But you hate that kind of-” 

He grabs your hand, dragging you out, as you both start running to the field. You keep asking as he pulls you on, getting almost no response and only a faster pace. 

And when you reach the field, you catch just the end of it and the only thing grounding you to that moment is Satoru and Utahime, who was surely the one who had texted Satoru, holding onto your shoulders. 

Salma, the cheerleader Toji picked to be his sweetheart, just asked him to homecoming during halftime. And he said yes. 

Utahime squeezes your hand three times, a soft look in her eyes when she talks. 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just thought you would want to know and I wanted to tell you because you’ve been nothing but nice to me.” 

You smile, moving into her open arms as you whisper a small thank you into her shoulder. She leaves, having to return to the color guard team waiting for her on the side, leaving you and Satoru standing on the pavement right by the field. 

“Take you home?” 

“Thanks, Toru.” 

“You want Jamoca?” 

“Not today.” 

He nods, a hand on the small of your back, as he leads you to his car, even going as far as opening the door for you and letting you crack the windows while you drive back - which you know he hates. 

At the first red light, he taps on the top of your head to get your attention. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” 

“Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” 

“What? Of course, not. Toji is just an asshat who doesn’t see you for what you’re worth and-” 

“No. No, no. Not like that. Do you think there’s something wrong with me because I’m not even the tiniest bit sad right now? I’m…relieved.” 

Satoru looks over, the red front the traffic light flashing on your face, and a blank expression staring back at him. 

“Of course, not. He’s a grade one idiot. Anyone in your position would feel that way, bunny.” 

“I know. That’s true.” 

“But?” 

“Does this make me defective, Satoru? Like, maybe I just can’t like people that much or something and I was the problem.” 

Satoru twiddles his thumbs on the steering wheel, pondering the same question he has been asking for the past few days. Encourage her or be selfish. 

He can’t be selfish with you. 

“Okay, Y/N. Close your eyes.” 

“Huh?” 

“Just do it.” 

“Okay.” 

He looks over, to find you eyelids fluttering shut, your face lit up by the streetlights outside.

“Now. Tell me about your dream guy, bunny.” 

“What are you going on ab-” 

“Just do it.” 

You sigh, before thinking hard about his question. 

“Someone I can be comfortable with. That’s my type. Like we can have fun together and play games but also being around them is comforting to me. Things might suck, but at least they are there to kind of pick me up at the end of the day. They’re nice to people and are surrounded by good company, because you are who you love and they try to be better each day.” 

After finishing, you open your eyes to find Satoru staring at you, an all-knowing look on his face. 

“Bunny?” 

“Toru?” 

“Does that sound anything like Toji to you?” 

You slump back into your chair, sinking down. 

“No.” you murmur. 

“You aren’t defective. Well, maybe in the higher level cognitive thinking part because you clearly have some impaired decision making but-” 

“Hey. Don’t be rude, asshole.” 

“Get out of the car.” 

You crane your head out the window to see you’re in fact not at your house, but at the ice cream store. And when he comes around to your side of the car, opening your door, he drags you out, the two of you eating you ice cream in the light of the dingy lamp outside the store. 

--

You knock hard on your window, only stopping when Satoru looks up from his desk, dropping the pencil he was just scribbling with. You point to your walkie talkie, switching on the channel as he grabs his. 

“Hi bunny. You look nice.” 

“Thank you. Are you coming tonight?” 

To homecoming. Because despite all odds and last night, you still have to go. And crown the homecoming king and queen since you’re the class president, which you’re sure will be Salma and Toji since the universe is very, very kind to you. 

“I’m sorry. Haibara needed help designing something for next week.” 

“Oh. Okay. I wish you were.” 

“I wish I was too. His hardware is Flight of the Navigator themed so wish me luck.” 

You laugh, giving him one last smile as he pulls the curtains to his window. And when you see his navy windows against the pane you’ve stared at him through for years, it only now occurs to you. 

When he asked you to describe that last night, he unlocked something. Bringing it to your attention, to the forefront of your mind.��

The person you were describing is him. You lift your walkie talkie to your mouth, press the button, and mention the words you forgot to say. 

I love you.

And then you turn on your heel and drive yourself to the dance. 

--

Satoru ponders it for thirty minutes. 

Support her or be selfish. Support her or be selfish. Support her or be selfish. 

Be fucking selfish. 

Satoru gets up, dropping the hardware he was making for Haibara, and pulls out the first suit he can find. He grabs his walkie talkie off his desk, convinces Megumi to go beg your mom (who loves Megumi) for your walkie talkie, and then goes ninety on the freeway to get to the school on time. 

He finds Nanami first, the glob of gel on his head somehow even worse than normal and sets his plan in motion. 

“Nanami.” 

“Please, for the love of god, not tod-” 

“Go hand this to Y/N.” 

Nanami and now Shoko are taking the walkie in their hands, flipping it over and inspecting it like they’re the fucking FBI. And more importantly, wasting time. 

Three feet away, you’re standing by the punch table, counting how many balloons are on the ceiling. You reach three hundred and fifteen when you’re approached for the first time that night, by Nanami and Shoko. 

“Nanami. What is going on with your hair? You can’t possibly need that much hair gel.”

“You would be shocked, Y/N.” 

“That's what I said to him too. But this is for you.” Shoko says.

She hands you your walkie talkie, the silver glitter coming off on your hand, as you flip it over. 

“Did you break into my house, Shoko?” 

“No. But I’m guessing Satoru did. He ran in here five minutes ago and basically yelled at us to give it to you.” 

They both shrug as they walk away and you look around, clutching the walkie talkie so hard in your hand you think you might break it. Satoru’s here.

And when you scan your eyes around the room, you see him at the front door, his eyes already fixed on yours. He’s smiling so big that it makes your heart squelch and suddenly you’re moving towards him. And as you both start walking (running) to each other, you can’t help but feel the anticipation of what’s coming. 

Except that’s right when Toji stands in the middle of the two of you, his characteristic slimy, sneer on his face. He reaches for your hand first. 

“Can we talk, Y/N?” 

"No."

You shrug your hand off, pushing right past him, as you walk closer to Satoru. You can hear Toji shouting something at you, but you’re too tunnel visioned on Satoru to pay attention. And when you reach him, you’re both smiling so big at each other, that it makes your face hurt. 

He lifts his walkie talkie to his mouth, talking first. 

“Come in, bunny?” 

“Loud and clear, Toru.” 

“I love you.” 

You can feel yourself smiling so big, so excited that you’re basically jumping on your toes, your walkie shaking in your hand. 

“I love you.” 

“Oh thank god. I was scared I was going to get a breaking and entering charge.”

You laugh, pulling him down by his tie and kissing him square on his face. And when he pulls away, ears pink and face red, you whisper against his lips. 

“It was always going to be you. I belong with you.” 

He smiles, that stupid smile you’ve stared at, loved for years and you can’t help but cheese, leaning forward to kiss him again.

--

the satoru as taylor swift songs series masterlist

taglist: @porridgesblog @platrom  @k0z3me  @kayleegomez  @yihona-san06  @bsenpai @sweetenertea  @skzismyhome  @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters  @luna0713hunter @shotenvinsoot @itzmeme @squirrelspoetry

[fbfh]

I have a crush on Rodrick and it's your fault.

Like I'm reading your writing and how am I NOT supposed to fall in love??

Your stuff is amazing 😭💖💖

Instantly lost.

awww thank you anon. it is in fact my fault that you have a big old squishy crush and I am quite pleased about that.

you'll be pleased to know that rodrick also has a big old squishy crush on you. every time he sees ou he lets out this big dramatic shuddering sigh like you just took his breath away (because tbh you did. he can't deny it.) he does all the crushing shit too. he stares at you in class instead of paying attention but the teachers don't really care bc he probably wouldn't be paying attention anyway.

he doodles angsty song lyrics and emo stickfigures that are supposed to be you and him but really look like something excavated from the ruins of myspace. he has a whole playlist of songs that make him think of you, but there's one in particular that he imagines is your song. at any given moment he's probably lost in some daydream about you and him, about you suddenly having an extreme need to learn the drums for some reason, so Rodrick sits you on his lap and wraps his arms around you and holds your soft hands in his as he shows you how to play. you're so impressed with his wicked drum skills that you can't help but give him a thank you kiss (or several) after he shows you how to play the pierce the veil song that's been stuck in his head.

when and if he actually gets the nerve or opportunity to talk to you, 97% of him will be totally focused on you, memorizing your body language, the way you look, the way the air smells around you, the earrings you picked out to wear today. the other 3% will be desperately trying to seem totally cool and chill and aluring so you'll like him, but he'll definitley just end up looking like a dork. good for rodrick, bc you're really into dorky emo guys. now you just have to get him to stop blushing enough to realize you like him too.

[bbutterflies]

i was gonna request angst but oh my god . shadyclaw and taking care of the other after a fight.

SORRY THIS TOOK ME FOREVER!!!! here u go isa some emos just for u…

tw: blood

Claw Noir was only out because he was tired of being Adrien for today. After a grueling photoshoot where he’d been completely ignored by his dad, the last thing he wanted was to sit in his empty house and pretend things were fine. He was irritated to see Shadybug out, too, toying with her yo-yo as she wandered across rooftops.

“I can’t believe I’m stuck with you,” Claw sneered, hoping to get a rise out of her. It would at least be more fun than he’d had all day.

Shadybug rolled her eyes. “I’ve had a shit day, fleabag. I don’t need you to make it worse.”

Claw Noir scowled back at her. “Ever imagine my life might be worse than whatever stupid drama you have going on?”

“Fuck off!” Shadybug shoved him by the shoulders. “You think you’re so special, don’t you? No one could be as sad as you?”

“Maybe I do.” Claw shoved her back. “Definitely worse than you, roach. What could you possibly have going on? Not the prettiest girl in school?”

Shady threw a punch that Claw easily dodged. “You’re so pathetic.”

“You’re the one who can’t land a hit.”

“You’ll just go home and cry to mommy about it, won’t you?”

It flipped a switch. This wasn’t funny anymore. Claw lunged forward to try to strike back, but Shady caught his wrist. “Shut up!” he hissed.

“Oh, does mommy not love you?” she said, tightening her grip.

Claw grabbed her arm in both of his hands and used her own leverage to flip her over his shoulder. She landed on her back with a growl and wasted no time in kicking her legs up straight into Claw’s stomach. He didn’t let go. “You don’t get to talk about my mom!”

“Who’s gonna stop me?” Shadyclaw pulled down and Claw slammed into the rooftop next to her.

He didn’t give her an answer. She didn’t deserve it. He’d just have to show her.

She’d managed to get onto her knees, leaning over him with her first already made, but he wasn’t going to just take it. He needed the upper hand back. A kick to her side was enough to catch her off guard so he could jump back up to his own feet.

They knew each other well, for better or worse, and Claw predicted her next move of trying to knock his feet out from under him. He dodged, and she did the same when he tried to pin her back to the ground.

It was a familiar give and take, push and pull; they did this often. Claw would never admit it out loud, but he enjoyed it. Sometimes after a particularly bad day, the only thing he could count on was Shadybug being in just as bad a mood.

Claw wasn’t going to let her off easy, though. He was aiming for her shoulder, trying to knock her off balance, but she moved and his claws caught her face instead. She lunged forward, her shoulder catching Claw in his stomach and forcing him to double over. When he looked up again, something was wrong. Bright red and dripping down her cheek.

“Stop it!” Claw Noir grabbed her by the shoulders and pinned her back against the nearest wall.

Shady struggled in his grip. “Get your paws off of me!”

“You’re bleeding!” he hissed. “Sit still for one second!”

Shadybug glared back but did as he asked.

Claw Noir reached a hand out towards her cheek, gingerly brushing his fingers near the marks he’d left. She hissed in pain – he’d done a good job.

He didn’t apologize. He never did. But he could at least try to fix it.

“Just leave it,” Shadybug said. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not.”

“I don’t care.”

“I do!” Claw Noir glared at her. “Shut up!”

Shadybug glared back at him but kept her mouth firmly shut.

Claw shrugged off his jacket (it’s not like they had much else in the way of first aid) and tore off part of a sleeve. He was pretty sure it’d fix itself the next time he transformed, anyway, but he didn’t really care either way. He pressed the fabric against the scratches in her cheek to try to stop the bleeding.

“Ow!”

“Do you want my help or not?”

Shadybug huffed. “It can’t be that bad.”

“Lucky Charm yourself a mirror, then, genius. It’s bleeding a lot.”

Shady reached up to where her suit met skin and pulled her hand away to look at the blood on her fingers. She didn’t say anything. She just looked so defeated.

“I didn’t mean it,” Claw Noir said.

“I know. It’s fine.” She shrugged. “Maybe I’ll get a cool scar out of it.”

“You’ll finally have something to thank me for.”

“Whatever, fleabag,” she said, but Claw was pretty sure he saw a hint of a smile on her face.

[things-arent-what-they-seem66]

I just read a really really really really depressing adamsapple fanfic, it’s from the same writer who wrote a taste of schadenfreude, different fanfic but still no less fucking heart wrenching. Anyway I could use some fluff maybe Adam and Lucifer spending time with their kids, please

I read that one too, ripped my fucking heart out.

I got you!

"Luci, hey Luci wake up." Adam gently shook his husband awake.

Lucifer peek his eyes open, if he did this to Adam his husband would be bitching at him until late afternoon. "What is it?" He groaned.

"Does Hell have a beach?"

That was random. Lucifer rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Yeah, why?"

Adam smiled widely, his perfectly sharp white teeth on display. "Let's take the kids to the beach today, we haven't gone as a whole family since Lily was a baby." And that had been a few years and two more kids ago. "Please Luci?"

Lucifer smiled, how could he tell him no? And he was right, when was the last time they had a family outing? "Sure, love."

Adam resisted the urge to squeal. "Thank you!" He smooched Lucifer and pulled back. "Get dressed, I'll get the kids breakfast and we can go." Adam raced off to get ready for the day and Lucifer just shook his head amused.

Apple, Lily, Lucas, and Thomas were all excited to go to the beach. Charlie and Vaggie even tagged along.

Adam and Lucifer were under an umbrella on a beach towel, Lily ran up to them. "Can you help me make a sand castle, papa?"

"Sure hun." Adam moved to a kneeling position and started to help Lily and Thomas make a sand castle.

Charlie, Vaggie and Lucas were splashing in the water, Apple was on the next towel over sun bathing. "Apple sweetie, you're as pale as I am you won't tan."

"I can try father, I can try." Apple was their first teenager at the age of sixteen, so far totally fun. Calling Lucifer 'father' and Adam 'Pa'.

At least she didn't have an emo phase like Charlie, Lucifer shivered at the memory. Their little family was growing so fast, Thomas was already five where did the time go?

Lucifer crawled over to Adam, who was making a moat around their little castle. "Need some help, love?"

"You can reinforce the rear." Adam squealed when he felt a hand grab his ass. "The rear of the castle you pervert!"

Lucifer chuckled mischievously. "You weren't specific." He kissed Adam's cheek and moved to the back of the castle. He helped make it stronger and added a door. "There, how's that?"

Adam looked. "Why is there a back door, we don't need one."

"But I like your back door." Lucifer laughed when he was shoved into the sand. Lily and Thomas laughed at their dad who had sand in his hair now.

"Lucifer Morningstar! I will throw your ass in horny gremlin jail." Adam gave a hollow threat.

"If I'm going I'm taking you with me!" Lucifer tackled Adam into the sand and started to tickle him.

Adam barked a laugh as he playfully tried to fend off his husband's tickle attack. "Luci! Hahahaha!"

"Get him!"

"Tickle papa!"

"No! You little traitors hahahaha!!" Adam laughed even harder as Lily and Thomas joined in on tickling him. "Apple help!"

Apple looked up from her spot and smirked, she went over to her dads. "Alright!" She started to tickle Adam also.

"No! You were supposed to help! Hahaha!!"

"I didn't say I'd help!" Apple giggled, sometimes family fun was nice.

Adam was laughing so hard he was crying. "I'll remember this you little shits! Hahaha!"

Lucifer finally let up on his tickling. "Okay guys that's enough, let's catch his breath." The kids backed off, Apple went back to her towel and Lily and Thomas back to their little sand castle.

"I'll get you for this." Adam said, though he melted when his husband kissed him.

Lucifer looked at him lovingly. "What if we had another baby?"

Adam snorted, "Why so you can have a baseball team to gang up on me?"

"No I mean it."

Adam blinked. "Seriously? Four is not enough?"

Lucifer rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I love our family and I kinda miss having a baby around."

He watched as Adam bit his lip in thought. "I'll think about it."

"That's all I ask, love." Lucifer leaned in and kissed Adam again.

This time their younger kids sounded with a course of 'ewww' which only made him kiss his husband longer.

[postal-ech]

Fellas, I have been listening to a shit ton of remixes on the Prime Trilogy and once more I need to let loose my autism unto this hellsite

I fucking love Dark Samus

I really fucking love Dark Samus

I don't know if any of you know this, but I FUCKING LOVE Dark Samus, like she is my top Metroid Antagonists, topping even the SA-X or Raven Beak (Raven Beak is genuinely on top but I'll get to him in another post) or Ridley and others.

Why?

Well that's what this post is about

So who the fuck is Dark Samus? Or really, WHAT IS Dark Samus??

(Source is from the Metroid Wiki channel on Youtube. I use the original version instead of the remastered because the lighting in the remastered version of this cutscene is a bit fucked despite the better-detailed models. You can see the eye on the palm much more clearly as its pupil dilates to adjust to the lighting of the room. look I'm an autist for these details, I want you all to see them in all their glory as much as I have growing up)

DARK SAMUS My beloved

Dark Samus is more or less part of the "dark doppelganger" troupe in nintendo games, with the important caveat that unlike other such doppelgangers like Dark Link or Dark Kirby from the Magical Mirror games, Dark Samus' originated from the destroyed remains of the METROID PRIME, the final boss of the first game in the Prime Trilogy.

After Samus murders the shit out of the Metroid Prime, it manages to steal the Phazon Suit she used to get into the Impact Crater, which by extension also contained the DNA of Samus. With this, this ressurection of the Metroid Prime, reconstructed using this Phazon Suit and the DNA it acquired became what we know today: Dark Samus, a Metroid Hybrid - the first of its kind, long before Samus would eventually have Metroid DNA spliced into her during the opening events of Fusion.

(Dark Samus' final concept art, found in the Metroid Prime 2 concept gallary)

Dark Samus' design in prime 2 is something I adore to the utmost extreme. Its this wholly-organic Varia-adjacent suit with exposed, dark blue musculature. She has a clawed hand, feett, and an arm cannon too and its visor isn't just a visor but is entirely integrated into her body. In essence, She isn't just a living suit, She has used the Varia Suit as a basis to reconstruct her ENTIRE god damn body, right down to the arm cannon and the pauldrons and the visor too. THIS IS HER ZERO SUIT! So if anyone comes up to you and shows you a picture of Emo Zero Suit Samus and calling it Zero Suit Dark Samus, know that that is FAKE and WRONG and ENTIRELY INACCURATE to the ELDRITCH HORROR MADE REALITY.

Its a shame that the Gamecube wasn't really that powerful enough to truly show off just how organic this Dark Samus design was, especially given the pauldrons have these scrolling phazon textures poking out of the holes in her pauldrons that could really do well with an up-ressing of her model. Hopefully the remaster does this justice. Her morphball form, too, deserves an equal amount of justice given the concept art that exists of it

(Source is again from the concept art of MP2. VERY SPOOKY.)

Anyways, Dark Samus comes equipped with her own arsenal too, uniquely her own with a few exceptions, such as a Phazon Scatterbeam, a thin phazon laser thats almost akin to a more focused hyper beam that Raven Beak uses, an energy shield much akin to the phazon suit she used to reconstruct herself, alongside a ramming attack that's kinda akin to her own shinespark or screw attack (prime style of course), and the obvious Super Missiles and Boost Ball that she has in her first and second encounter. Eventually she'll even gain a Cloaking Field that can only be detected via the Dark Visor or the Echo Visor, and eventually super charging herself to even throw out pure phazon at Samus in her third and final fight.

There was a cut bad ending to Dark Samus' fight where she would have stolen the Light Suit from Samus (to reflect the time she had stolen the Phazon Suit in MP1) and gone off to let Aether get destroyed and

Jesus Christ, I love it.

You can see how it takes direct inspiration from the Metroid Prime as well, given her head and pauldrons have those spikes alongside the red and orange highlights on her armor, but it ALSO has a sort of luminoth inspiration to it too. It has a metallic, shelled sheen to it with two-pronged feet, a sort of completed hand and her arm cannon looking less round and more reminiscent of her Prime 3 design. It would EVENTUALLY see the light of day as inspiration for her overall Metroid Prime 3 design, but I still wish I could model it and bring it to life for other Metroid Fans to use.

In Prime 3, her design is switched again to something more akin to a shelled crab. ...now the Wii's graphics aren't... ENTIRELY REPRESENTATIVE of her design...

It's...not BAD, but you can't really tell if its organic or metallic in nature.

Smash Ultimate does this design justice at the very least. You can tell its more chitinous in nature compared to Prime 3's low-res renders

This has her having a more traditional suit design compared to Prime 2, and while the latter's design will always be my all-time favorite, this one is great too.

In Prime 3 her arsenal is expanded too, as she can control the Phazon on Phaaze to create pillars of the stuff for cover, split herself into multiple copies that act semi-independently of her (dubbed Echoes, funnily enough), She is by all means and purposes - a fucking POWERHOUSE of a creature in her own right.

Eventually she is "permanently" killed off in Prime 3, as confirmed by the director Kensuke Tanabe, but I still have hope that maybe one day she could return later on in the metroid timeline, because god dammit. She was THE ONLY other metroid hybrid in the franchise, right there with Samus as of now. Samus is honestly more closely related to Dark Samus now than she ever has been in the franchise, save for the Phazon mutagen Dark Samus had consisted of.

Hell, there's even a bit of a character arc with her where she started off as the Metroid Prime - this solely monstrous, instinctual creature mindlessly consuming Phazon and assimilating weaponry onto itself, before reconstructing itself as Dark Samus proper - still instinctual in a sense, but with a growing intelligence that really shines in the climax of the trilogy with Prime 3 - leading entire raids against the Federation with Space Pirates and showing a sense of companionship with the other metroids/phastroids she interacted with whiles showing how cruel she could be towards the surviving feddies of the Valhalla.

It's so much so that ever since Dread dropped its been a dream of mine to realize a climatic battle between Metroids.

THE LAST METROID VS THE PRIME METROID

If you will.

GOD, I fucking love Dark Samus. She honestly stacks so high up even against the X as my other favorite metroid antagonist that I wish more was done with her before the eventual climatic ending with Prime 3. I hope this was enough to also gain your interest in this fascinating mutant metroid made humanoid.

Next up on the list, the Chozo - including Grey Voice, Old Bird, Raven Beak and Quiet Robe of course.

[im-1hater]

Total Drama headcannons cause I've kept these thoughts for too long (mostly Cody lol)

Cody, Noah, and Gwen had an emo phase, Cody wasn't allowed to dress emo so he only participated in the internet culture, Noah was unfortunately enough to have supportive parents so there are at least 100 pictures of Emo Noah in the photo albums (his sisters make fun of him for that) and Gwen insist she left that phase in middle school (she didn't. Once an emo, always an emo). They jump out of their skin when they hear MCR or BOTDF (earlier 2000s with unlimited internet access...)

Cody always wanted a pet dog when he was younger but his parents always said no because 1. They're too dirty, 2. They didn't think Cody could take care of one nor did they have the time themselves to take care of it. 3. They don't like animals and love seeing Cody suffer. 4. they probably think cats are better lol. Anyways because Cody would never shut up they caved and settled on getting him a hamster, a fat, chubby, hamster that looked like it was a month away from dying and Cody loved that thing to death. He would always get the hamster the best things it needs and take care of it properly. It lived for like 3 years much to the surprise of Cody's parents. Well, when it did die today Cody was devasted to an understatement. He had a funeral for the hamster in the bathroom and tried to flush him down the toilet like you would a fish. Only the hamster just clogged the toilet making water go everywhere and Cody crying more. His parents were def PISSED and after that, he wasn't allowed any more pets (all of this happened in the 4th grade til the 6th).

Cody is almost a carbon copy of his mother (Only because I am too)

Cody has one aunt on his mom's side and three cousins, two boys and one girl. The oldest (3 years older than Cody), Logan, typically likes to tease Cody (which he hates). The second oldest (older than Cody by 2 years), Jamie, is much nicer but that's not saying much really. Though Cody was stuck with getting Jamie's hand-me-downs because they were both the same size and Logan's stuff was too big for Cody. One of the reasons why Cody was bullied so much in school. The last and youngest (15 years younger than Cody), Cody. His aunt basically forgot her nephew existed and named her son Cody and she really liked the name so she didn't want to get the name change. So whenever they're in a room together they're referred to as Cody 1 and Cody 2 (Our Cody is Cody 2 even though it was his name first, lol).

Gwen often had to babysit her younger brother (forgot his name) a lot because her mom had to work two jobs since their father left them both at a super young age (Gwen 6 and her brother 2). She usually tries to help her mom out any way she can with chores, jobs, and looking after her brother. She says the reason why she joined Total Drama was cause her brother dared her to. While that is somewhat true the main reason was actually to give the money to their mom and hopefully make them financially stable. She was definitely disappointed to get second but her mom was proud anyway.

Harold is definitely NOT an anime kid. He actually HATES weeaboos and doxxes the really weird ones that are kinda racist and fetishize Asian people. He enjoys the anime content as he enjoys a lot of Japanese culture but he isn't going down the halls of Naurto running.

Heather's parents bought her an apartment when she turned 18 just so she's out of the house cause they deadass don't want her there they pay for her bills and groceries and all that stuff. It did hurt at first but hey, free water bill!

Trent awoken the bi mess Cody is.

Cody can actually cook somewhat. Only really simple foods that he learned in the cooking class. He only bothered to learn cooking because his parents are barely there and Cody was getting sick of pizza and takeout every other night.

Noah, Cody, and Gwen are the bi trio we need (PLS I BEG I NEED THEM IN THE SAME ROOM BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER OR SOMETHING).

Noah's parents wanted all girls and lots of them, that's why there are like 8 or 9 of them. When they were pregnant they just assumed Noah was going to be a girl and didn't bother with finding out the gender and such. They were very surprised to find out he was a boy. So all his baby pictures are of him in pink girl clothes and a pink nursery. But they still love him just as much as his sisters.

Geoff had a rat tail, luckily Bridgette was able to convince him to cut it off (the only other person who liked it was Brody).

Duncan watched My Little Pony when he was 6. He always said Rainbow Dash was his favorite but it was actually Fluttershy because Duncan has a soft spot for animals.

Courtney hates kids and having to look after them while Gwen loves kids and loves watching them.

Heather's only friends are Cody and Harold (and sometimes Gwen and Leshawna but it's off and on).

Animals are naturally drawn to Cody, even Noah's dog likes Cody more than him (much to his dismay). Cody has never met an animal that hated him (besides bears...)

Cody is terrified of bears.

For some odd reason, Alejandro doesn't like Cody that much but only plays nice for Heather (he wants that twink obliterated) Cody fully knows this and he says he'll "tattle" on him for something dumb he did and Alejandro almost shits his pants each time (Cody doesn't even end up telling).

That's all and these are all correct (I don't take criticism)

I'll probably draw some of these idk

[intertexts]

HIIII ROS HI HI HI still truckin througj the last half hour of my shift i was absolutely DELIGHTED 2 SEE UR WILLIAM AND DAKOTA ART THEYRE SO FUCKING CUUUUTE. boys forever i love them

ABYWAY ANYWAY. now that youre in party hell i wanted 2 pick ur brain a little i wanna know ur thoughts . do u have anyyyy theories or thoughts 👀 about vyncents powers or williams dorito fever dream or just in general hehe . putting u in a jar under a magnifying glass and feeding u a drop of plankton water like youre a baby seahorse (<< guy whos seahorses had babies today. proud father momence)

oh my god. gets fucking put in a jar under a magnifying glass blhhhhrghghghghbhgh >_< also OMG........... CONGRATS ON THE SEAHORSE BABIES!!!! what do seahorse babies look like. are they like fully formed or some larval shit like newborn puppies???

anyway YEAH i DO have thoughts!!!! SO many thoughts, even!!

okkk ok ok. about vyncents powers....... first i thought he was some alien superman type situation. because of the whole deal. nowwwww i really do think he reverse isekai'd from like a classic high fantasy jrpg ass world.. i think he like touched the forbidden artifact or got hit by the fantasy truck and got shoved into this world & it sucks. i DONT know if hes human or like some type of creature. about his powers & his fucking multiclass thing???? i have NO CLUE DUDE!!!!! ngl its giving like system egg. ohhh sorry yeah sometimes i just become a whole different person who dresses different and acts different its not a big thing dw about it. or like..... i was considering some type of warlock deal possession situation also but apparently he JUST BECAME the party city warlock?? so i have NO clue.

WILLIAM DORITO FEVER DREAM.. (<- none of these words r in the bible) OK. my first thought IS my head shoots up like a cat hearing the treat bag rustle or like a 2016 emo at the g note at hearing the unravel op......... man i wonder why that specific song for this one specific questionably alive kid with fucked up death powers. this couldnt mean anything!! im sure there arent any impies (fucked up way of saying implications) (GOD the irreparable harm that quencies meme did 2 my vocabulary) anyway my first question about this motherfucker is IS HE DEAD OR NOT. IS HE ALIVE. IS HE IN SOME FUCKED UP LIMINAL STATE BETWEEN THE TWO. schrodingers wiwi. the forest part of the dream sequence stuck out 2 me re: the will-o'-the-wisp-- idk if it's like a textual folkloric thing or my personal associations or what, i dont wanna look it up rn, but i've always associated them with forests + the of course leading astray thing. slightly more meta but also like the uhhhh idiomatic meaning of the phrase as one of the stupid wishful goals u gotta follow even though itll fuck you up? that might b a bit of a reach though since he really is very like textually just. ghost shit. the "man on a paper throne" image DID make me sit up & take note as did the inability 2 turn tangible again but i dont know enough yet 2 make any conjectures!!!! ok ok i thinkkk thats it for noww <3333

[memberment]

Genesis

Good morning everyone I slept like hell. BUT. I'm ready to actually write water world(when my didn't-sleep-enough migraine goes away). Also y'all are starting to catch onto my lil secrets without me telling you.

Gonna have to start hiding more in different places. LMFAO. Anyways stay tuned updates are here today.

7:45: Chapter 13 is done and I can actually say I have put more work into this chapter than I have in probably any chapter I've ever written. The coding alone seriously took me two hours to figure out (and it is not perfect, but whatever. If anyone knows html pls lmk bc all of the YouTube tutorials and calls to the void have left me with nothing.) Anyways, we're at 43.2k. Also Tammy's almost done. Yippie.

8:26: In a fun update, I may very well be making not one, but TWO ship tags for this fic. At what point to I become the owner of rare pairs?

9:39: Y'all is this gay? (The weather forecast is starting to look like doomed yuri may roll in.)

(Yes there is a running gag of Tammy calling Wendy emo and I think it's fucking hilarious. )

Happy 12:52!

Here’s Tam. I gotta fix her bc I’m not too fond of her face but HERE WE GO

It's 6:35. I am not shutting down but I did just realize I broke 50k. I am currently on chapter 15. Which means a new player is introduced!! And I'm losing my shit! She was supposed to get introduced in 17, but I cut two chapters because they were honestly very filler-ish and whereas I do enjoy me a good filler chap, they'd probably be incredibly short and not very good at all. So there are little bits of filler and fluff sprinkled around. I might go back and phone in a filler chapter or two because I do love the ups and downs, but I am officially at the point of no return in this story. No more fun filler potential after this chapter. Like, I am writing Craig solo fight an angel as filler. I was originally gonna skip over it but chapter 15 is only 2.6k so far and that's just like disrespectful to its 3-5k brethren.

Also the angels I started concepting last night and finished tonight for chapter 14 fucking ATE!!!!!!! I love them so much oh my god their entire concept is fucking great. I also fear chapter 14 may be like one of the most well written fights/realms I've written and it's all downhill from here. God bless.

Okay it's 6:58. Chapter 15 is done. It's 3.6k. I can live with that. I'm closing up shop at 51.3k tonight. Goodnight.<3

[xcryinginguccix]

Buckle up nerds, today were doing something fun.

Do y'all remember that very tiny game from Bethesda, the one that came out in 2011 called Skyrim?

Well on tonight's episode I'm ranking quests. Not all of them, just the big faction quests. I'm not that insane (yet, it will come eventually).

I can't believe I'm making a Skyrim post in 2024.

Anyways, let's dive in (spoilers ahead)

Number 5: Collage of Winterhold

Well... I have some opinions. It's underwhelming to say the least. I expected to learn some extremely fun spells, schemes, mystery and general feelings of walking into the coolest campus you have ever seen. What we got was... meh.

You could breathe towards Tolfdir and he would still call you the greatest mage in the history of mages. You can find more magic going into a random cave somewhere near Riverwood than you will find AT THE MAGIC SCHOOL. You also, don't learn anything... Or at least anything of value, and then the principal dies and you take his job. You can literally complete this quest with no more than 3 basic spells in your arsenal. Bethesda should fix this quest line instead of re-releasing this game every 6 months to upgrade the visuals of a single tree. Anyways let's go to the next one, this one is just getting me angry.

Number 4: Civil war shenanigans

Stormcloaks

Ahhh civil war. Viva la Revolution... Expect from no.

If 10 year old me was ranking it, it would be much higher (let's just say my tiny brain didn't understand what "Skyrim belongs to the nords" implied). Generally said it's a pretty solid quest. Ulfic sends you to kill some ghost in order to prove yourself, the Whiterun attack is fun, genuinely pushing against Imperial legion by doing some smaller scale attacks is fun, concerning Solitude was great... And you get a pretty funky bear armor. I like funky drip.

Pretty solid but I don't like nationalism sorry. So on the other hand we have...

Imperial legion

... I think this is one of the few games where I agree on pushing against the revolution. Too bad those guys also suck ass... It's like European politics, I'm choosing the lesser evil.

Generally this questline is pretty similar to the previous one, with the exception that you're fighting in some other areas. Defending Whiterun is extremely fun, I love this city so much. All my points from the last one stand, except this quest has worse drip but more enjoyable npcs.

Also lmao Ulfric fucking dies x D

That alone makes it a better branch.

Number 3: Jorrvarskr questlines

Oh yeah, it's lycanthropy time baby.

This questline is fun, so much fun. You get introduced to the gang right outside of Whiterun while they are trying to fight off a giant.

Fun dungeons, fun story, extremely enjoyable npcs. Progressing the companion quests enough will allow you to turn yourself into a werewolf, which is an automatic bonus for me. Going nuts on a random dragon in werewolf form will never stop being funny.

Also you can marry Aela and for that I would french kiss Todd Howard on his corrupt mouth. Live laugh love Jorrvarskr. Solid stuff.

Also if you suddenly decided that you "no no wanna :(" be a werewolf anymore you can heal yourself by... Cutting off a hags head and preforming a cleansing ritual with it.

Yeah no I have no idea how that would work but sure.

Number 2: The dark brotherhood

Words cannot describe how much this questline had me in a chokehold at the ripe age of 10.

This is so so so good. I love egdy shit. This questline starts as a banger from the introduction. I will never forget the feeling of walking into this creepy ass house in Windhelm, and seeing a child doing a ritual.

So much fun stuff right off the gate. I could write an essay about his whole questline. Fun missions, plotting and scheming, funky assassinations that get progressively harder with each contract and the plot twist and the end... Just the right kind of edge I always need. I love it so much.

Each of the members of the dark brotherhood have so much charisma. You get an emo horse, and a wonderful looking armor. Evil twink Cicero forever in my heart.

And finally, creme de la creme... Number 1: Thieves guild

My. Fucking. God.

There is a reason why I choose any type of rogue class anytime I play anything. This whole quest is living rent free in my head.

The introduction, the location, the npcs... The collage of Winterhold WISHES it had an atom of greatness this quest has.

I love everything about this questline, from start to finish. Every time I see Brynjolf in the market of Riften my heart gets filled with genuine happiness. The whole thing with the Nightingales and Mercer and KarIiah. I love how you can bring back the thieves guild to its former glory once again.

Every single npc is fun to talk to. When I say that I remember almost no one from the shitty wizard academy quest, I meant it. This tho, all of them are engraved in my mind.

Also, you can get ultimate drip, which is the Nightingale armor.

Best armor in the game, argue with the wall you cannot change my mind.

God I love thieves. God I love the guild.

Anyways that's all. Someday I will rank all the daedric quests once I'm bored at 4am again (spoiler alert: The mind of madness is in first place). If you want to change my mind... Well you won't bc I played this game since I was a child.

Special thanks to Todd Howard for my gay awakenings: Aela and KarIiah.

[sucktacular]

. Sorry I'm gonna vent all my frustrations out today until it's gone and then move on with my life fjsjjfbenf feel free to ignore all this. Consider this a diary entry or something lmao

My favorite evil, spoiled, hatful, and deeply ungrateful daughter secret habit is getting another impersonal, self-indulgent gift from my parents and putting it in one of the drawers of my dressers in my old bedroom and leaving it there to fester along with the rest of the room and house and family

Like I'm nearly 30. I'm queer. I'm EMO I'm alt. I'm fucking masc about a lot of my dress and tastes. I've been this way since I was like at least 16...

And YET my mother keeps giving me prissy girly girl stuff. Like.... Not only does that feel bad for my genders, but you really didn't care enough about me to recognize I hate this shit and it's nothing I would ever wear.

And it's so fucking bizarre too cuz my distant aunt use to do the SAME EXACT THING TO ME??? when i was a lot younger/before I was a teen and we stopped visiting. And my mom would always comment to me privately how it's "weird" and "ugly" and that I "clearly don't like that stuff" and it was "just cus that's what she gets her daughters".

So like.. hello?

Idk man. I don't leave anything like clothes behind because it'll just get damaged by time and water and probably mice or something idk man. But I have a growing pile of Christmas gifts at home I frankly have no fucking room to hold onto.

Idk man... It feels deeply thoughtless considering who I am. Who I've been for half my life now. Idk man... Like I DO feel deeply guilty about it every single second of my life and I think I just need to drop everything off at a thrift store and move on about it.

Off topic, listening to Breaking Benjamin and RED is soooo classic "Alex trapped for hours in their parents car and deeply not wanting to talk to them" vibes and there's a twisted comfort in that LMAO

Oh RED I love you 💕 of breaking Benjamin I love you 💕 oh edgy music I love you 💕💕 soothing my soul

You take the breath right out of meeee. You left a hole where my heart should beeee. You gotta fight just to make it throouughh. Cuz I will be the death of you!!!

Idk that's not relevant to anything lyrically, it just came up on my playlist and thank God for that

Anyway my partner is gonna come up to see me later today and take me the fuck away for a lil bit and I can't waitttt!!!!!!!!! this is gonna be fucking work on my brain tho. What a fucking change of vibes.

Oh also I wanna say I dropped the word "queer" on my parents and my mom burst out a singular laugh and like LMAOO okay

I was living blissfully in a world where queer is a regular ass reclaimed word and forgor...

[v1ll1anousblackhat]

M̸i̸n̸d̸ y̸o̸u̸ a̸l̸l̸ t̸h̸i̸s̸ f̸i̸c̸ i̸s̸ g̸o̸n̸n̸a̸ g̸e̸t̸...e̸x̸p̸l̸o̸s̸i̸v̸e̸ 🌚

E̸n̸j̸o̸y̸, y̸o̸u̸ s̸u̸i̸c̸i̸d̸a̸l̸ m̸a̸n̸i̸a̸c̸ 🧨🩸😋 (Fanfic my best bud Tai wanted me to write)

"S̸o̸ l̸i̸g̸h̸t̸ e̸m̸ u̸p̸ u̸p̸ u̸p̸ u̸p̸!"

Monday, The worst day of the week. Tai got up out of bed. "Fuckkkk Ion wanna do this shit bruuuu I did my time" Tais edgy ass wanted to scream in a pillow she dreaded school so damn much she wanted to...blow it up 😏🧨 Tai got outta bed used the bathroom blah blah blah she got dressed, drank coffee, blck eyeliner usual emo kid shit....she got her bag and walked to school.... 15 minutes later she was hella lage to first period but she usually is she doesnt wanna be there so early anyway..."Great Mr BJs class. Kms" Tai walked in class. Mr Johnson eyed her and greeted her "Goodmorning, Tai." Tai rolled her eyes and sat on her desk slouthing her bacm and fidgeting with her pencil as the teacher explained the assighment Tai heard boys whispering making fun of her "CuT mY lIfe InTo PieAceS" "EmOo GuuRrrlll" "Yo SuIcIdE SqUaD" Tai couldnt handle it and put her earbuds on full blast theu were all gonna read a boring and useless story anyway so she didnt care. She was researching some rare illness she discovered instead of dking the assnighment and the teacher noticed and obv got mad so he slipped her a detrention slip. She was so tired of dealing with teachers, annoying kids always giving her shit it was this day she was gonna let something ignite.

-R̸e̸c̸e̸s̸s̸- Tai was hanging with her two buddies. Toby and Alan. Now Toby and Alan don't go to school because their run away psychotic hathetmen that meet her at the desolate area of her school.... anyways.... "Yo guys...I got an idea" The two Hatchet men looked at her "W-whats up Tai-?" Toby asked. "Lets fucking explode the school with fire works and gasoline and light the prison up. Im at my goddamn limit." The two looked at eachother and smiled mischievously "Hell...yes...we love that idea!" Tai smiled and explained the plan.

It was 5th period the period before lunch and tai decided to skip and escape all together. She called up her two buds and they all walked to the nearest mini mart to grab some fireworks. Toby already had Gas and lighters/Matches (ofc he did ...) so saved Tai her money. They surrlunf the school with gasoline being carful not to gey caught toby tracing the halls with gas as Tai traced the entrane with gas, Alan traced the outside of the classes full of gas. Then they ignited the fire works and they blew the hell up following like dominos the entire school blew in flames. It was like one big star of disaster. Tai didnt feel remourse no...she laughed her ass off the entire time. This was the best thing in her lifetime. Screams of so many people were heard Toby and Alan stokd there..mercyless... Tai realized how many people she killed... "Holy shit...wellllll....mosttttt of them desserved it. Asswholes." Tai hugged her two hatchet welding friends and "BOOM" The entire school in smitherines... "uhjh yeah lets go before the cops show up-" Alan said "Uhhh yeah fuck this" Toby spoke back and the 3 musketeers sprinted to all hell away from the skull as police lights were surrounding the school luckily enough they escaped and hung out for the day to celebrate Tai's accompolishment. They were in town by the mall outside the mall Alan spotted Ri & Evan

"Yo Wassup Ri!" Tai fist bumped her best friend who wasnt at her highschool today..? "Yo you didnt go to school?" Ri smiled and looked at Evan the two in sync "Fuckkkk noooo!" "Dude, Tai me and Evan skipped and decided to just go to the mall and stay here half of the day HAHA "Yeah it's pretty fucking fun!" Evan said with that evil smirk on his face. "Welll... in that case can we join ya?" Ri nodded and held Tai's arm "yeah obviously you mofoooo" then the group of misfits fucked around in either hottopic or spencers Tai and ri stole a few belts and shirts while Even was being immature asf in the back of the spencers but Toby laughed his ass off (yo if you dk wha I mean by bck of a spencer's lmk) Alan was standing besidd Toby giggling a bit. Yeah...its true this school semester did end with a BANG 🧨😏🎆🎇

[zoroara]

I saw you posted an ask game and came rushing to your ask box! 14 I choose you! Time to play dress up with the Varia!

And 21 for hmmmm I'm going to say *throws a dart at a dart board with the Varia members faces on it* Bel

Okay so this has ended up being very long so for the sake of people who may have to scroll past this answers are below.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character. Okay so that's going to be very interesting because honestly i'm not very aware of fashion i'm really the type of person who goes "Oh shit that looks cool" than anything else. So this is going to end up being very free form rambling However I am aware of quite a few alternate fashion types and their overlaps(as well as their meanings sometimes i get them a liiittle confused), but I can safely say most of the Varia in my mind fall into that with like [also please keep in mind i'm more talking about styles of dress here not the cultures behind them]. Two exceptions.

One, is actually Xanxus because I feel like he has very little idea what he's doing when actually out of his uniform so he defaults to it. He does seem to like to have chains feathers and belts but like 90% of the time whenever you see this man it's just SOME variation of what he already wears on his uniform, or has a collared shirt and dress pants and you gotta wonder at some point if he knows anything else. Though being fair it does look good. So I guess he's just sticking with that.

Levi is the other exception because from what I've seen that man dresses like a suburban dad or like he went to the thrift store, honestly? I love that. So whatever that is stays I think it's fun to have him like that. does he probably get bullied for this a bit? yeah

Lussuria, may be an interesting answer for you to hear because he does like rather brightly coloured outfits and dresses, but I Do think he could dabble in a bit of goth style(Also yes i'm aware of cybergoths and pastel goths but they don't quite have the vibe but do have closer to the colours) and make it really work. Damn shame i hit my wrist really hard today so I can't draw it or i would.

Mammon is just more Goth, like look at them. They'd definitely be more Romantic goth than Lussuria though, which is a funny sentence but it's the type of goth that looks more like they're from the victorian era so you probably understand where i'm coming from there.

Bel you can literally already see the emo influence in his design, it's like there though he's a little more colourful than most things I can find with it. But I don't think his fashion is colourful enough for him to accidentally fall into the scene sort of category.

Squalo falls definitely more into punk fashion to me. spikes chains and all, his uniform is pretty clean of those but I think they suit him for more casual wear.

Cannot explain further on fran other than he has the vibes that he wears grunge clothes but like almost accidentally so.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Fun fact, I haven't written Bel often! I think at this point I've started to write levi more often than him.... interesting. Anyway! The one thing with most of the Varia is I honestly thoroughly enjoy writing for them, even if it can be a bit tricky, even for Bel. I really like writing Banter with him and the others but even more so I like to just release him in a fight. I will say though it's probably most difficult when I'm writing him alone. He's just a character who's really easy to write when there's someone else to bounce off of.... Must be why Amano puts him with Mammon or Fran most of the time. But I can't find anything that I'd outright dislike about writing him.

[nevermore0105]

Sat,August,26,2023

Today has been one of those days. I been sleeping all day. I've made new music which I'm ready to play. I decided to bring my band paranoia back together instead of doing the solo thing. I'm really excited on that. I practiced a song that I wrote by myself and I have mastered it. I'm really tired and drained because I haven't been getting much sleep. I've been also dealing with my boyfriend's negativity. And of course he's out and about drinking because that's what he does. He always does that. By the way he drinks a lot. But yeah he's the main reason why I feel so drained lately to be honest. This relationship has tooken such a toll on me and he says that he'd change but he never does and this has been going on for months. I do love him but I have learnt that love is never ever enough. I know deep down he's envious of me and jealous of my successes. He's insecure and takes it out on me even though I reassure him and comfort him and stuff all the time. I've come to learn how selfish he is and how impatient and Controlling he is as well. I feel like I can't enjoy the things I love because he judges what I'm into because he thinks a certain way. I always feel like I can't be myself because of how he acts. I feel like I have to be fully like his style. He is very specific on what I should do with my hair which is very suspicious to me. He always tells me who hits on him like 2 days ago some girl at walmart flirted with him and she was emo and had red and black hair which what he wants me to do with his hair and I just felt really down about it. Not to mention he always talks shit about his exes and brings them up. Not only that he knows what his exes are doing in life and he will spot them and say that he did to me. Not only that he does and says all the romantic things that he's done and said to his exes which makes me feel like he doesn't mean it at all. I can't do what I want or say what I want without him throwing a fit. I've gotten music opportunities and I feel like I have to turn them down because he throws a fit. When I stay at his house he's too lazy to even let me make food or him make food or for him to go get food and he just let's me starve even though I get hungry. I always have to pick up after him too. When im falling asleep and im really tired he cuddles me then starts to like touch me in areas that are sexual and then I end up waking up because he wants to do the deed but I fucking feel obligated like I have to even though I don't want to. Anyways right now I am laying down on my bed thinking about all of this... and that's why im doing this rn. But hopefully he'd change his bad habits... because I can't handle them...

-love always, D xoxo♡

[belphieslilcow]

THE HISTORY OF CASSIAN

you may sit there and ask, "dyllan, how DID you come up with a perfect and flawless design like cassian's?"

well dear viewer... today you shall learn!!

so he actually has two kinda origins, one much more like the cass we know today, so on with it!!

we start out with the origin of cassian as a name in the beautiful land of skyrim

he was my self insert i made that i didn't end really being happy with and kinda left behind BUT i did reuse his name for our cassian of today so he's important to mention!!

fun fact!! cassian comes from the fact that it sound like the word caspian, as as my name is dyllan, meaning son of the sea, i thought it'd be fun to kinda name my s/i after a sea

fun fact 2!! i did write a couple cassian/cicero fics that are still up on my blog, if you search back enough you'll find em hehe

now we more so move on to the proto design and personality in cookie run ovenbreak!!

this was my first self insert for the game, named vanilla cream cookie, he was a patisserie, but as you can see from the pose and design on the right, his design was way to similar to herb cookie in my eyes (i did use him as a drawing ref) so i ended up changing his deisng fairly quickly, i only have 3 artworks of him in this stage

fun fact 3!! the image on the left could very well be considered like the ancient ancestor of modern cassian since that was the first image i drew of vanilla cream!!

ahh my lovely pride and joy, cream horn cookie!!

the image on the far left was the first kinda sketch i made of him, instead of basing him off just vanilla cream in general i made him after my fav dessert type pastry, cream horns!!

he had a sleepy tired and sheep motif, i'm still so proud of how i made the shape of the cream horn into like an actual horn, fitting in with his sheep look as well!!

i've drawn SO much of him, even self ship art with other cookies hehe =w=

you can really see how his hair kinda evolved into cass's emo hair!!!

ahh... here's where i got into obey me!!

this was the first design idea i had for an mc/self insert, so this was where i stole the name from myself to make a new character with!! i have a few drawing of him one with beel, but i just didn't vibe with his design all that well and his bangs and overall hairstyle gave me trouble

now here's some early cassian design!! this was when i forgo-ed the pink hair and green eyes and basically just made a human cream horn cookie since i love his design so much

actually while searching for pictures i completely forgot i had cass's ahoge as a heart shape for a while!!

the pic on the right was after the golden newt syrup incident lol

and that leads us to cassian of the modern day!! he's finally smiling which is so funny, does this represent my mental health getting better and becoming more confident?? mayhaps in some way, but i'm really happy with him as a design, character, etc

even if he is just me but cooler, i adore the lil guy <3

i love seeing how my artwork has evolved over the almost 3 years i've had him (including cookie run era cream horn)

anyways PLEASE tell me you found this interesting cause i'm obsessed with shit like this and wanted to make own kinda thing!!

[khaosophist]

The conscience I take to write seem so powerful in the moment. There was something today that I forgot to say... Forgetting used to be about the absence of attention. I would feel that I didn't pay attention, and in my hubris, think it wasn't my fault. It really was not sometimes. But there are times where it was about me not wanting any mental load. With my migraines I either drowned myself in the flow, or strangled anything that wasn't about the here and now. Working out, and accepting my intuition has made for a good cocktail. I'm noticing when my wife did something that was a mental load. Usually it's about communication...messaging someone, or calling someone. I don't know where that anxiety came from. But there was a time where just going somewhere would give me migraines. So, I feel happy to just order my medicine for once. Happened one other time. I think it's good I notice these things, because she is so busy with the baby, that I notice when she goes out of her way.

I still have those fears. They terrify me, and I Focus on our kids. I'm terrified that no matter how close we become, I won't be enough. No matter how much she swims with me in the lakes of Hali. No matter How much she plays with me in forgotten beats. No matter how much I accept my self-awareness.

It feels like she sees my imagination alive. Like she understood why I was who I was. I cannot describe the buoyancy of a soulmate's nuzzling. It's like she was made to fit on my chest and shoulders for that moment. That moment where our humanity didn't matter. Only the love mattered.

I'm so proud that I'm still waking up every day. I didn't skip a beat with helping with the kids. I know it's a mental load to wait for someone to tell you what they want...but I can only do so much sometimes. But those nights where I clean like crazy makes me feel like I'm showing her how much she inspires me. I wasn't exactly a slob. But I didn't Deep Clean, y'know? It used to be just picking things up. Then picking things up and broom. Now it's picking things up, broom, mop. I'm thinking of waxing our floor once we have a house. Become the sexy butler I can be for my Twili mistress.

I remembered what I wanted to write about as I was writing, then forgot it. Lol.

But I also remember how I was so desperate for affection with my ex at that time. That I held a girl's hand. When I told my then girlfriend, she told me she didn't care. No idea if it was true. But I had done it because I felt like there wasn't anything there in the first place.

Before that, I remember getting ready to go to prom with her, and as I'm eating with her family, I get told I wouldn't be going, and that it was over. I still texted her. She reminded me how a guy I hated WAS there...an Obvious manipulative pretty emo boy. He'd treat one of my friends like animals, and they still crushed on them. I wonder how my life would have been if I was overtly a douche, instead of a desperate loner.

But, anyways, fact is, I cheated, no matter how small, on my ex. Hand holding, yes. Honest as a snake, yes. But still cheating.

I don't know why I didn't break up with her. I didn't know I was treating life like a game sometimes. Where a test was all that was needed to go to the next level. All it was, was cowardice. I didn't want to admit I was miserable to be with 'The one'. At that time I believed Like the offspring said "The more you suffer. The more it shows you really care, right?"

I realize that I never saw my ex as my 'Waifu' as I do my wife today. I had convinced myself over two years after the break up that I had deeply loved my ex. To justify why I felt so alone. That it was better to be miserable together, than miserable alone. Stupidest shit. The fact I was so miserable without anything to hold on to forced me to find something that I could hold on to that wasn't outside myself.

That was philosophy. I discovered philosophy because of Adventure time. I shit you not. It was the episode where they are searching for the enchiridion. Well, I searched on google and found the enchiridion of Epictetus...and then the rest is history. I went to university to study philosophy because I wanted to. My father would tell you he had something to do with that. But, that's not true. He never shared philosophy with me. The irony being I was surrounded by his books! Yet, I found none of philosophy. But, hey! At least he had Mein Kampf! He didn't even ask his kids if they wanted some of the books he gave away. The only time my father 'shared' a book was when I'd take it out of one of his bookshelves.

As for my mother...I just want to say that being atheist doesn't stop you from sub-conscious projection of gender roles. I always thought my father was at least *Cultured* or *Educated*, like he had saved my mother from a traditional role. But, my father never wrote poetry. He just read it...nevermind passionately sharing one. I first learned of poetry as an *Exercise*. Can you fucking believe it? I had to *memorize* 'la cigale et la fourmis.' big help that was. I forgot it the same year. If it wasn't for school...I may have never wrote shit.

Anyways. My mother had written poetry. She had written. With her tumour, she stopped writing. The tremors...but the way that I projected onto my mother as being 'uneducated' or 'uncultured' was fed by my dad. Y'know, the kind of 'she is such a Christian that she can still love an atheist, and support her satanist son. I'm such a good person for treating her nice even if she believes in a sky daddy.'

It's hard to know what someone can be robbed of. I'll make sure I share all I can, even if I'm tired. Because I want my kids to know their mother is a muse, among other things. Their father a...khaosophist, I suppose. That there is much to learn in places of learning, as much as places which aren't so clear cut. That willing ignorance is worse than ignorance.

The flaws in my children bring out my own. But I won't make that mean I'll let my flaws fester. I'll face them, and show my kids that we are. Maybe they'll forgive me one day, maybe even appreciate me, or love me. It's easy to say 'I love you.' when the world is young...it's once you have perspective that it becomes tricky...

I realize how self-awareness was touted to me as a bad thing. Overthinking...awkward...*Self-aware*. Do you understand? How some people see self-awareness as embarrassing. You ever had someone tell you you're being too Self-aware?

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! Shouldn't I be aware of myself? Why wouldn't I want to be Self-aware? Like, what the fuck? Are some people willingly ignorant of their self-awareness? Why is it weird to say 'I believe X because I *want* to believe it.' rather than 'I believe X because I *should* believe X?

One is Self-aware...the other is...what is it to believe something because one believes they *should* believe it. Like a lot of religious people are like that right? Pascal's wager and shit. One *should* believe in god...therefore I believe in God...oof...like...do some people not want to believe in X but believe in X...because they SHOULD? I don't believe anything I believe SHOULD be believed...only that I believe in them.

Anyways...I found my Twili princess...

That's all that matters. She gave me everything.

So I will too.