#apparently you weren't the first to run. you won't be the last either

[redjaybathood]

Honestly, Jason was jealous of Duke. Not that he thought the kid had it easy. Their age difference was what, five years? Seven, okay. So Duke missed the first time Gotham was occupied and surrounded, with no escape in sight. But then Jason was either dead or almost brain-dead during No Man's Land. İt evened things out.

"So how do you do it?" Jason asked, vaguely gesturing at the surroundings, both of them perched on the roof, people trying to get him before dark running like ants before a rain, below them.

Duke paused in the middle of telling him about the last basketball game - Jason wasn't even sure how the local team was called, is the thing.

"Play sports?" he asked, amused.

"Play sports, watch sports, do anything, you know, fun. Do anything that isn't this. Do anything, period. Maybe it's that I'm old, but I never believed that there's anything after. A better life for us or anyone, should we stop doing what we do."

"But you're still doing it," Duke said, shrugging. "Because what else we can do? Stop? We will be buried out here. We and a million other people, who can't do what we do."

"They can. We weren't born with this either. Okay, I'm not talking about your meta gene, apparently it is hereditary. But I'm talking about your being here. You suited up long before you find out you has superpowers. You did it before you got training, too. That, they can do."

Duke suddenly lost his energy. Looked straight down, then back at the horizon. Pointed at 3 o'clock.

"See, here? Westwood cross subway stations. Defunct for four years now."

"Yeah," and Jason did, and he even heard the story, but...

"One of the guys I started with, he died there. And if there was more people with us, if there was someone staying with him, he would not be the only one who blew up."

"But we also die. And we are not enough. There's no way we can hold on for much longer. We're gone, who's going to replace us?"

"We are them. One of us dies, another raises up. Four. Thirty. Like Strike, right? There was no one to cover the hill during the Joker's War. She did it. She and her team. The team you're on now. So there's no us and them, there's no..." Duke shook his head. "We are them, and they're us, and that's why we do what we do, even if it's not going to stop. We cannot stop and just make these things happen."

He rubbed his chin, thinking.

"To answer your question, how do I do anything. İt's not about hope, really. İt's the satisfaction of knowing that the next time it all falls apart, it won't be today. But it might be tomorrow. So I train, İ patrol and solve cases and catch supercriminals. But I also rest. And talk to friends. Family, as much as I have it nowadays. İt's exactly because the future is so bleak İ do not dwell on it. And it's not even... İt's not a life philosophy or anything. İt's just how I am. And it's okay to feel like you do..."

Duke tried to clap Jason on the shoulder but with their height difference, even sitting together it was awkward.

Jason decided to turn it into teachable moment and scuffled with him. Both of them managed not to fall.

"İ know it's okay," Jason said later. "To feel this way. But I don't know what to do about it."

"Sucks," Duke offered.

And yeah, there wasn't much else to say about Gotham, or Jason's life. He didn't expect Duke to give him an answer. But it was good to be heard.

[scarahours]

"how long will it take for you to give up on me?"

- in which you ask him just how long it'll take for your autumn love to completely fall apart. P.1 [ANGST]

CHARACTERS: Diluc, Childe and Xiao (separately) x gn! reader

Being in a relationship with someone who was still grieving over the death of his late father was exhausting. Terribly so. Even now as you find your bodies intertwined, having the sweetest and most passionate night - holding on like it's the last you'll see of each other ever again, you wonder if this was a stroke of luck or the reason for your demise.

Diluc was quite literally, in all aspects - the perfect partner, both in paper and in reality. He often took you out to late night dinners whenever you had overtime, he left you little trinkets all over the house, and he even introduced you to his father as the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It was all going so well.

But when Crepus Ragnvindr had suddenly died from a heart attack, Diluc didn't take the news well. He began to neglect himself, only ever focusing on you. Who were you with? Why were you home so late? By god, what if you got into a sudden accident?!

It was another night spent shouting and throwing. A pair of strong arms wrap itself around your waist, pulling you closer to him like he was afraid he'll lose you - like you weren't just at each other's throats earlier because apparently, hanging out with your friends and getting home a tad bit late is a crime punishable by death now.

Diluc was obsessive over you and your well being - you must understand, he can't lose the only other person in his life left! Kaeya has long left him and so has Crepus. It was just you and him against this cruel, cruel world.

But it was suffocating you. HE was suffocating you. It was too much. His love isn't passionate and home anymore, it was heavy.

"How long will it take for you to just... Let me go, 'Luc? I can't do this anymore." You laugh, pretending as if you were talking to a conscious person.

He doesn't say anything. But you knew if he'd heard it, he'd call you ungrateful and selfish. And another fight breaks out, the cycle simply repeats.

But Diluc won't back down, no - he will never.

For all he wanted was your safety, don't you see?

Childe was a family oriented man, above all. He made it clear to you from the very first day that before he was your lover - he was a son and an older brother. He treasured his siblings and would often be out with them, leaving you all alone in the house with nothing to do but clean, wait for him and act like a loving spouse - which, you weren't. "Yet," he said, but you aren't so sure if you would stick around long enough.

Most of the time you felt more like a servant rather than his partner, you took up more than half of the responsibilities around the house and you barely even saw each other because he was either out working or with his siblings.

One time, however, when his youngest brother - Teucer, was in the house playing and running around while Childe left you to "bond" with him (when really it was just an excuse for him to leave and go to his work without his brother finding what he did for a living), did things start to go south. He accidentally knocked one of the only portraits you had from your childhood, a competition that you won in which both of your parents were in the frame - from more than a decade ago. It was your father's last gift to you before he accidentally got into a car crash.

Unable to control your anger - you lashed out at the young child, making him cry. You hadn't noticed that Childe was right by the door frame.

He immediately stormed over and kneeled down to console his little brother who was a crying mess, barely stuttering out an "I'm sorry," and "I'll never do it again."

Childe was fuming, but so were you.

"GET OUT." His voice was hard and stern.

"FINE THEN!" You screamed, running up the stairs and hastily grabbing your things.

From the corner of your eye you see Childe rush into the room, he pulls your arm over and asks, "Are you fucking serious [name]? Once you step out of our house it's over."

"YOUR house. Not mine. I'm sick and tired of your bullshit, I'm giving up. You knew how much that portrait meant to me." You spat venom.

"For fucks sakes Teucer is just a child! He makes mistakes, and the picture isn't ruined - look! It's just the frame, stop being so immature [name] it's fixable!" Childe argues.

"I don't give a fuck if it was just the frame, this single thing held much more value to me than you'll ever do." You seethe, grabbing the picture out of his hand and pushing him away to leave.

Loving Xiao was easy, but understanding him was another thing. You thought that with time, the distance between the two of you will slowly disappear - but it never did.

No matter how much he claimed to love you, he refused to tell you anything about what was bothering him and how he felt. Communication was a foreign thing in your relationship, and you knew that continuing on like this would prove to be difficult. So you broke things off, despite loving him with your whole being.

Surprisingly, he took it quite well. No questions asked, no why's and where did it all go wrong. Perhaps he also thought that things were never gonna work out between you two. At least, you thought. The subtle change was there, it began with him slowly avoiding you to openly walking out whenever his eyes met yours. The air between the both of you had taken a nasty turn, for better for him - for worst for you.

Eventually he began meeting someone else, and his world began to light up again. You often pass by the couple enjoying their time together. Seeing Xiao look much more happier with her rather than he was with you was like a jab to your ego, what does she have that you don't? Why is she capable of making him smile that way when you can't? You want to be bitter about how easily he's given up on mending things with you - but you know it yourself that you have no right. Especially when you were the one who had broken up with him first.

Xiao was in the hands of someone better now, better than you'll ever be. So why feel envious? Why feel sour?

You crumble with regret when you realize that had you just given him time - a little more time to feel at ease with you, he would have opened up too. He would've treated you the same as he did her now - hell, possibly even better. He was always capable of change - but you just didn't trust him. Xiao didn't give up on you, you did.

Why am I dogshit with angst I'm gonna cry wtf someone send help I don't like how this turned out

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Your writing is so amazing and these prompts have been no exception. Thank you so much for sharing your talent!

That said, what about 5. Biting/Marking with ShigaDabiHawks?

Prompt: Biting/Marking

Pairing: Shigadabihawks

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Threesome, Biting/Marking, Anal Sex, Possessiveness, light Temperature Play

Dabi, they learn quickly, is just as mouthy in bed as he is out of it. He had the pleasure of learning that first, before their hero came along and got all tangled up in them. Enjoys getting the arsonist all worked up and enjoys hearing him babbling and begging when he gets close to the edge, enjoys how he can't stop himself from goading at him because that means he gets to punish him too. But Dabi doesn't just run his mouth. Loves to go down on them, nearly melts whenever he gets to, and is perfectly happy to stay on his knees until his staples bleed or the seam through his bottom lip re-splits. Not complaining about that either, his mouth is wicked and so hot with his quirk that it puts he and Hawks a little out of their minds. But he also can't keep his teeth away from their skin when they're fucking. Has to have something in his mouth or he'll find it himself. Bites bruises over their skin wherever he can reach. Would call him a vampire but he never breaks skin, just leaves marks all over them in his feral desperation when there's skin close enough to bite and suck at. Really wouldn't be complaining about that except--

"I had a photoshoot!" Hawks, flushed bright red and gesturing wildly. Dabi is lounging across the bed, looking amused. Amused himself as he reads the article that Hawks had pulled up on his phone. The actual photos from the shoot had been doctored but apparently someone had gone and leaked the unedited ones and the behind the scenes ones from the makeup artist who had tried to cover the myriad of bruises that Dabi had littered Hawks' chest and neck with. Tomura would bet the PLF that he has more on his thighs too. Can't say that the pictures of Hawks with his wings wide, shirtless, and eyes half-lidded and goading for the, he checks, fragrance ad, yeah that tracks, isn't appealing. More appealing with Dabi's marks on his skin. But the photos are causing an actual scandal. Everyone wants to know who the hero is sleeping with and while he would love to further shatter the public's perception of heroes by tearing the number two away from them, Hawks is much more useful where he's at. 

"You weren't complaining at the time." Dabi sounds as amused as he feels. 

Hawks chirps at him indignantly. "That's not the point! What is wrong with you? You're like a feral cat!" 

"It is a lot at times, firefly," he remarks lightly. Doesn't really mind the marks himself. Though having the bruises peeking out from the collar of his suits and coats is definitely a little undignified. 

Dabi looks a little betrayed but he keeps his gaze even on the pyro. "Fine, if you don't like it I'll stop." 

Petty. Always petty. All three of them can be really but he doubts that Dabi will last for long after that declaration. Enjoys leaving his marks far too much to hold out. 

///

That was a month ago. Knew that their firefly was determined and knew that he could be stubborn if he wanted, but this is not a level that he expected. Is still more than happy to go to bed with either of them, still mouthy, still loves being on his knees. Absolutely will not bite at them anymore. Won't even nip at their lips when they're kissing which is starting to annoy him and is absolutely driving Hawks crazy. 

Fine. Could order Dabi outright but there's not much fun in that. Instead starts to corner Hawks alone, works up their little bird and sucks his own bruises onto Hawks' skin. The hero doesn't complain, clearly desperate for Dabi's teeth again, and is more than happy to settle for his even though he's usually much more gentle with the hero in bed. Leaves a pretty ring of teeth on each of Hawks' thighs and just under his jaw. The places that Dabi normally loves to mark. Only a day or two before they're all back in bed together and Dabi sees them. Watches as his jaw clenches and he just peppers their pretty bird's skin with light kisses as the three of them start to build their pleasure together. Has Dabi on his back, legs spread wide so he can sink inside of his tight, overwhelming heat, as Hawks rides him, his chest to Hawks' back, wings spread wide and shivering as they match their pace. Smoke trickles out of Dabi's seams as they work him over together. One hand fisted lazily around Hawks' cock as he pets through his fluffy feathers. A slow fuck today, no urgency between their bodies as they move together. Shifts, nosing along the side of Hawks' neck and the hero coos softly, tilting to give him more room.

"Such pretty skin," he murmurs. Presses soft kisses along it, "Want another bruise, little bird? Another lovely mark to show the whole world who you belong to?" Meets Dabi's eyes over his shoulder and delights in how incensed Dabi's are. Hawks trills, grinding down a little harder on Dabi's cock, feels him tighten as their hero does it. 

"Please," chirpy and thin, wings fluttering slightly, watching Dabi too. 

"You two are the fucking worst." He bitches. Tomura thrusts in a little harder, hits his prostate roughly enough that he's arching, moaning with more smoke spilling from his seams as his hands tighten on Hawks' hips. 

"Don't be jealous, firefly, not like anyone knew they were your marks in the first place." Shifts and starts to nip along the unmarred part of Hawks' neck. Little bites that only turn the skin pink and make Hawks let out soft breathy coos alongside his other sounds. 

"Ah, please, Tomura, harder," Can see the smugness on their bird's expression out of the corner of his eye as they keep working Dabi over. Dabi intentionally creeps his temperature even higher, hot enough that it's just barely riding the edge of discomfort as he keeps moving inside of him. He retaliates by slowing, moving more shallowly, by shifting to the place where Hawks' neck and shoulder meet and sinking his teeth in. Doesn't break skin but the bite is hard enough that it has his wings flaring and going rigid against his chest, and Hawks letting out a loud desperate chirp. Must go tighter because Dabi certainly is, thrusting up sharply into his body. Gritting his teeth because he clearly wants to mark them up again, but his stubbornness is at war with his desire. 

"Gorgeous, little bird. Another?'

Nods frantically and he shifts, moves his mouth back to the side of his neck, high enough that his collar won't cover it when he's in uniform, already put a bruise here on the other side, Dabi's favorite spot to--

He snarls, moving, the change in angle makes them all groan, but soon Dabi's sitting up enough, easy enough for him to help move his lovers and support their weight at the new angle, and Dabi sinks his teeth so hard into Hawks' throat that he does break skin. Hawks nearly screams, one hand moving furiously over his cock and the other curling tightly around the back of Dabi's neck as he keeps him in place, his thrusts and coos taking on a much more desperate tone. Has them all moving faster, thrusting harder. Drags his fingers along Hawks' spine, roughly through his feathers, earning him the sharp short chirps that he knows means he's close, close, close. 

Doesn't know if it's Dabi or Hawks who cums first. Just knows that their little bird goes rigid with a loud coo and Dabi goes so hot and tight around him that he must have as well. Follows them almost immediately after, his own pleasure an intoxicating pull. Not protesting when Dabi finishes leaving a livid, bleeding bruise against Hawks' neck and shifts to capture his lips. Immediately sinks his teeth into his skin as well. Tastes blood on their tongues and doesn't stop, kisses him harder, until they're both breathless. 

"If either of you ever complain about my teeth again I'm going to light you on fire," Dabi hisses against his lips, shifting to kiss and nip at Hawks' as well. 

"There is something called moderation, firefly." He says mildly. But he doesn't really care. If any of them were built for moderation then they wouldn't have ended up here in the first place. Besides, he understands the compulsion to a degree. Keeps finding himself looking at red and blue collars online. Wonders if they would mind having his own mark of ownership around their necks. 

Thanks so much for submitting! Still accepting prompts from this list!

[dead-man-in-the-grave]

i won't announce my sheer decent (but holy fuck there will be signs) pt. II

(Cross-posted on AO3)

part one | part two (you are here)

Not long after Wilbur called Techno and Phil off the chase, it began to rain. Tommy's clothes were quickly soaked through, sticking to his skin and chilling him to the bone. He could barely feel his fingers anymore, let alone his toes.

He wandered the forest, not sure what he was meant to do next.

He couldn't go back to the Minecraft house, no way in hell. That's exactly what they wanted him to do.

But it's not like he could go back to his social worker either; they'd just bring him back to Phil and Phil would just tell them that he didn't want him. He'd end up back in the system. He'd rather live on the fucking streets than go back into the system.

But those were really his only options, weren't they? It's not like he had friends-

Wait a minute. He did have friends.

Tubbo and Ranboo.

They lived in the city, quite a ways away from the suburb where the Minecraft house resided, but Tommy could walk. He'd managed before, he could do it again.

He determinedly squared his shoulders and started walking back out of the forest.

The quicker he could get out of the rain, the better.

***

It took nearly two hours for Tommy to walk all the way to Ranboo and Tubbo's apartment. By the time he got there, the sun had long since set, but the rain refused to let up, beating down on him like there was no tomorrow.

The apartment complex his friends lived in was shoddy and run-down, but the rent was cheap -- or that's what he was told when he first came over and asked why the place was so dogshit -- and they could pay for it with just the money from their part-time jobs and Tubbo's occasional coding commissions. And the place allowed pets, which was apparently a must for any apartment the two of them shared.

Tommy trudged up the stairs, water dripping off his clothes and hair and soaking the floorboards below him. He could feel cuts and welts on the soles of his feet send sharp jolts of pain up his legs with every step he took. He sneezed, a shiver working its way up his spine.

He arrived outside his friends' door (which was painted in an absolutely hideous shade of faded maroon) and banged his fist on it as hard as he could.

He walked in the rain for two hours, he deserved to be a bit rude.

"Just a second!" Ranboo called from inside the apartment. A cacophonous clatter sounded from behind the door, followed by a cat's yowl.

The door flung open abruptly, revealing Ranboo dressed in a Lemon Demon sweater and holding a half-empty coffee mug. They looked like they were trying to pull an all-nighter and failing. Miserably. But hey, who was Tommy to comment on other people's appearances? He's the one that's sopping wet and barefoot.

"Oh, Tommy! What're you doing here?" They studied his state of sopping-wettedness for a moment, before continuing, "And… why are you soaking wet…?"

"Got caught in the rain," Tommy answered, not entirely untruthfully. "Can I borrow your shower? And possibly your couch?"

"Um, sure?" Ranboo stepped aside, allowing Tommy to walk inside the apartment.

"Boo! Who's at the door?!" Tommy heard Tubbo shout from the direction of the bedroom.

"It's me, bee boy!"

Tubbo was out in the living room in an instant.

"What the fuck are you doing here?! And why are you dripping water on the linoleum?" Tubbo didn't stop talking for long enough for Tommy to respond. "You know what, I don't care right now, the bathroom is over there-" he pointed just around the corner, "-I'll give you some of Ranboo's clothes to wear after you shower. Now, go!"

He shoved Tommy in the direction of the bathroom, and Tommy went with only a little bit of complaint.

The hot water was heavenly for the ten minutes that it lasted. After that, it turned freezing cold, and Tommy was quick to finish his shower. Tubbo or Ranboo must have come in without him noticing, because a pile of clothes that wasn't there before sat on the countertop. It was a plain black shirt, grey sweatpants, and a red hoodie, all belonging to Ranboo.

Tommy put on the clothes and found that, unsurprisingly, everything was too big on him. He made sure to tie the drawstring tight around his waist. Despite his best efforts, the cuffs of the pants still dragged on the floor.

He left the bathroom, dropping his old soggy clothes into the empty washing machine on his way past. Ranboo and Tubbo were sat on the couch, the TV playing a random channel while they were on their phone and laptop, respectively.

Tommy, without warning, flopped on top of his friends, head in Tubbo's lap and legs in Ranboo's. Michael, their cat, appeared from out of nowhere to curl up on Tommy's chest, never one to pass up cuddle time.

Ranboo simply sighed in defeat and returned to scrolling Tumblr (or whatever site it was that they used), while Tubbo gave him a light smack on the head. A 'light smack' from Tubbo still hurt like a bitch, though, so Tommy grumbled his wordless complaints.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have laid on me if you didn't want to get hit." Tommy only groaned in response.

Ranboo glanced up from their phone, "What are you doing here, anyway? Not that we don't want you here! But, just- why?"

"I was right," Tommy declared, "They really don't want me."

Tubbo tilted his head at him, eyebrows furrowed. "How do you know?" Tommy scowled in response.

"Because I heard Wilbur say to Phil that he, and I quote, 'can't wait until we aren't fostering him anymore', and, 'you have no idea how long I've wanted this'. How else can that be interpreted, huh?"

The others went quiet.

"Yeah. I thought so."

The air between them became heavy. The TV chattered indistinctly in the background. Michael stopped purring, as if sensing the tension.

"Um… yeah, that-"

"That's really shitty of them, bossman."

Tommy just sighed. He closed his eyes and pushed the heels of his palms into his eyelids until a colourful kaleidoscope appeared in his vision.

"I just wish- ugh, I'm being stupid."

"It's not stupid to want things, Tommy," Ranboo told him seriously. When both Tommy and Tubbo shot them a look, they explained, "My, uh- my therapist told me that. It's one of the things I keep in my memory book."

Tommy licked his lips nervously, psyching himself up to speak. He was never any good at emotional talks like these.

"I just wish they actually wanted me," he whispered, barely audible.

Tubbo's fingers slowly, ever so slowly, began carding through his hair. Tommy let out a shuddery breath, doing his best to choke back the tears that wanted to spring to his eyes.

"Oh, Tommy…"

"Can we just-" he interrupted, "Can we stop talking for a while?"

Tubbo looked at him sadly.

"Of course, Tommy."

Tubbo didn't stop running his fingers through his hair. Ranboo pat his leg in a way that was somehow both awkward and comforting. Michael began purring again, and Tommy lifted a hand to pet his fur.

He couldn't fight the tears that spilled down his cheeks.

***

They fell asleep that way, cuddled up together on the couch. Tubbo layed down on top of him, arms wrapped securely around his middle. Michael slept on the arm of the couch by Tommy's head. Ranboo remained on the other end of the couch, legs pulled up to their chest and head cushioned on their arms, which were resting atop their knees. It was nice.

And yet, Tommy wished it was Phil, Techno and Wilbur he fell asleep with instead.

But he could never have that again. They didn't need him, they didn't even want him. Not like he wanted them, not like he needed them.

Their lives would move on without him. Their world would keep spinning.

Tommy's remained stagnant.

Tommy poked Tubbo in the side, trying to wake him up, but the other teen only grumbled in his sleep.

He sighed, resorting to prying Tubbo's arms off his waist and wiggling his way out from under him. After several minutes of finagling, Tommy was free of his clingy prison.

The clock on the microwave read 10:38, a frankly unreasonable time to be awake if you asked Tommy. Usually on weekends, he'd sleep in until noon, at least.

Well, in Phil's house anyway. There was no way to tell what the next foster house's rules would be.

Maybe he'd have to get up at 5:30 sharp every day again. That would suck.

Stop thinking about it.

Tommy sighed again -- he seemed to be doing that a lot these days -- and headed for the fridge. If he was going to be crashing at his friends' place for a while, he might as well make it worth it for them.

He scrambled six eggs, two for each of them, and set the plates out on the table. He put ketchup on Ranboo's, since that heathen would only eat eggs with ketchup. Eugh, disgusting.

He walked back over to the couch and nudged Ranboo awake.

"Ranboo. Boo. Boob boy." He punctuated each word with a prod. They woke up with a snort, lifting their head from their arms and blinking blearily.

"Tommy? Wha-"

"I made breakfast," Tommy interrupted, "Wake up or I'll eat yours." He paused. "Actually, I'll eat Tubbo's, yours has ketchup in it. Gross."

Ranboo rolled their eyes at him, but got up and went over to the kitchen table obligingly.

Tommy didn't even attempt to poke Tubbo into wakefulness, he knew it wouldn't work. Instead, he just grabbed his friend under the armpits and dragged him off the couch and over to the table.

Once he was at the table, the aroma of freshly scrambled eggs in his nostrils, Tubbo awakened.

And immediately began stuffing his face.

Tommy couldn't say he was surprised. At least none of the eggs he used would go to waste.

"D'oo make fis 'ommy?" Tubbo said, mouth full. Tommy nodded, taking a bite of his own breakfast.

"You didn't have to, y'know," said Ranboo, who'd already finished their breakfast. Tommy deflated a little at their words. Their eyes widened, and they backpedalled a bit. "Um! Not to sound ungrateful or anything, thank you, really! But uh, just because you spent the night doesn't mean you have to make food for us."

"Yeah, bossman," Tubbo agreed after swallowing his mouthful. "Thanks, the eggs are delicious, but you don't have to repay us for letting you stay or whatever."

Tommy decided, internally, that he'd do it anyway. If he made food for them, then they'd want him. Then they'd need him.

They'd need him like he needed them.

If only that would work for-

Stop it.

"Sure," he agreed obligingly. He'd do it anyway, but he didn't need to tell them that.

The rest of the morning went similarly. Tommy insisted on doing the dishes for them, and then did all the laundry (washing, drying, folding even), and made lunch without telling the others until he was done -- it was PB&J, nothing fancy, it was really one of the very few foods he could actually make without instructions.

Tubbo, again, told him that he didn't need to work for them to earn his keep. Tommy, quite honestly, thought that was bullshit. He kept his thoughts to himself, though.

He continued doing odd jobs well into the night. From fixing the bedroom's squeaky door hinge to reorganising the TV cables, Tommy never stopped working. Ranboo managed to make spaghetti for dinner while he was distracted with the clogged bathroom sink drain, but he grabbed all the dirty forks and plates afterwards and washed them before anyone could protest.

"Tommy," Tubbo said, grabbing Tommy's attention before he could find something else to fix, "You can stop. Please, Boo and I don't want you to act like a maid. This is the cleanest the apartment's been since we got it! You can chill!"

"I- I just need something to keep myself busy," Tommy responded, swallowing down the guilt at lying to his friend.

"Please, Tommy."

Tommy hung his head in defeat.

"Okay," just for now, he didn't say.

Tubbo took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom, where Ranboo had already passed out. The shorter teen climbed in first, situating himself in the middle of the bed. Ranboo, in their sleep, cuddled closer to Tubbo and made a noise of contentment.

Tubbo patted the open space on the bed invitingly. Tommy clambered in after him, laying down and letting Tubbo pull the comforter over him. The bed was a queen, if Tommy guessed correctly. There definitely should not have been enough space for the three of them, but Ranboo and Tubbo, being snuggled together as they were, took up the amount of space one person normally would've.

Tommy made sure he kept an invisible barrier between himself and Tubbo. He could tell his friend was hurt, despite Tubbo doing his best to hide it.

"Goodnight, Tommy."

"'Night, Tubs."

Tommy couldn't sleep that night.

He twisted and turned, he kicked off the covers and then pulled them back up, he tried every sleeping position imaginable, but nothing worked. His thoughts were going a million kilometres a minute and showed no signs of slowing. Tommy could practically feel the bags under his eyes.

When the sun rose, the clock read 6:34, and Tommy hadn't slept a wink.

With an exhausted sigh, he climbed out of bed and went to make himself useful.

He still hadn't cleaned the oven and fridge yet, and there was a bit more laundry to do.

***

Monday rolled around, and Tommy remembered with dismay that Wilbur and Techno went to his school. They would see him and almost certainly try to talk to him. He couldn't talk to them, he couldn't take the verbal -- and, quite possibly physical -- abuse they'd throw at him.

He debated pretending to be sick, but he knew that would just make Tubbo and Ranboo worry about him, so he decided he'd just avoid them like the plague.

It couldn't be too hard, right?

***

Tommy cursed his past self. Those were famous last words, and he thought them anyway.

Damnit.

Techno and Wilbur seemed to be searching for him just as passionately as he was avoiding them. At multiple moments, they came mere milliseconds away from spotting him. He had to duck behind Ranboo more times than he could count to avoid their vigilant gazes.

Both his friends gave him sad looks whenever he did it.

Tommy hated them for it.

He skipped lunch, much to his stomach's chagrin. Having three full meals a day spoiled him, he'd better get into the habit of only eating once or twice a day again before the next house forces him to.

He spent the allotted lunch time in the library, flipping through the pages of random books that caught his interest.

A book of birds had called to him, and he had it open in his lap as he sat on the floor. He came across the page for crows.

He couldn't help likening the crow wing diagrams to Phil's wings.

Why couldn't he stop thinking about them?

The bell rang, sharp and piercing. He put the book back on the shelf and trudged to his next class.

***

It was Thursday when he was caught.

He was in the library instead of the cafeteria for lunch, reading an autobiography of some kind (he wasn't really reading it, just skimming the words enough to keep his mind off the hunger pains in his gut). It was a new normal for him.

The door opened.

Nobody else should've been in the library during lunch. Tommy wasn't supposed to be in the library during lunch.

Tommy dove behind the nearest bookshelf, crouching low to the ground, ready to move at a moment's notice.

As long as it wasn't who he thought it was, he'd be okay.

"I know you're in here, Tommy."

Fuck, that was Wilbur. He was screwed.

"I- I just wanted to say sorry for whatever upset you last Friday-" Why did he sound so sad? It was infuriating. "-and we noticed you left your phone at home."

Why was Wilbur talking about his phone? Was he going to break it right in front of Tommy's face, just because he could? Try and lure him out with it? Well, too bad, 'cause it wasn't going to work.

"Uh- Phil thought it'd be a good idea to give it back to you, but we haven't been able to find you all week, and uh- well, it's on this table, so… um… you can have it back now," Wilbur said.

Tommy peeked around the bookcase, and saw Wilbur set his phone down on the table closest to the door. Wilbur took one last glance around the library, eyes completely missing Tommy, and sighed. He left, and Tommy waited for his footsteps to completely fade before leaving his hiding spot.

He walked up to the table that his phone rested on.

The device was sitting face-down on the table, so he couldn't see the screen, but that was definitely his phone case, at least.

Tommy glanced around, wary of any lingering eyes, but he was well and truly alone.

He turned the phone over with a cautious hand and inspected the screen for the familiar cracked pattern. Sure enough, it was his phone and not a decoy of some kind.

He turned on the screen and unlocked it with his ten-digit PIN -- he was not paranoid, he just didn't want anyone going through his phone. His suspended apps were the exact same as he left them, the full apps list didn't show any unfamiliar icons, and everything seemed untouched.

He still turned off his location, just in case.

***

Tommy didn't see hide nor hair of Wilbur or Techno on Friday.

It was odd. For the past week, it seemed like he was seeing nothing but the two of them, and now they were gone.

Not that Tommy was complaining. It meant he could finally safely sit in the cafeteria with Tubbo and Ranboo again, though he didn't eat. He still had to get used to less than three meals a day, after all.

After school, the trio took the bus back to their apartment, where Tommy immediately started looking for something to fix, clean, or help out with. After a full week of crashing there and doing the same routine every day, there really wasn't much else he could do, though.

Maybe he could regrout the bathroom tiles?

"Tommy, wait-"

Tommy turned to look at Tubbo. He could just barely see the concern in his friend's eyes from under his fringe.

"You're not doing any more chores around here," Tubbo told him firmly, "I won't let you."

"But-"

"No buts, Tommy. You need to chill. You've been doing everything that could possibly be done around here. You even regrouted the kitchen tile! Were you planning on regrouting the bathroom, too?"

Tommy looked away guiltily. Tubbo knew him way too well.

"Yeah, that's not happening. We're all going to sit on the couch and put on the worst movies imaginable, and we're going to point and laugh at them. Right, Boo?"

Ranboo, who had been standing very awkwardly behind Tubbo during the whole interaction until that point, vigorously nodded their head in agreement.

Fucking simp.

Without another word, Tubbo grabbed both of them by their wrists and made them sit on the raggedy old couch while he put the Bee Movie VHS in the player and rewound it to the beginning.

Why Tubbo had the Bee Movie on VHS remained a mystery to Tommy.

They sat through the entirety of the Bee Movie, laughing at the absurdity of the thing.

"The bees just- what? Sued all of humanity? For stealing honey? And it worked!?" Ranboo, in particular, was very worked up about the plot consistency. Tommy thought their ramblings were funnier than the movie.

"Well, yes, what else were they to do?" Tubbo asked, clearly trying to work them up more. Somehow, it worked, and they fell for the obvious bait.

"Anything but that!?!? Tubbo- Tubbo, you're the bee guy, you know that human-kept bees and their beekeepers have a symbiotic relationship. Humans only take about half of the total honey made by the hive, and grant protection that normal beehives just don't have!" They said, frantically scrolling through Wikipedia to factcheck. "The bees could just leave! They don't even have to stay in the human-kept hives! There is nothing stopping them!!"

"Maybe the bees are just dumb," Tommy suggests. Tubbo turned to gasp in offence, while Ranboo only hung their head in complete and utter defeat.

"You will not talk about bees that way!"

"I just did." Tommy smiled, all teeth. "Whatcha gonna do 'bout it?"

He promptly took a pillow straight to the face.

"Oh, you should not have done that."

Tommy and Tubbo quickly devolved into an all-out, no holds barred, pillow war. Not a pillow fight, mind. It was far too serious to be called something as silly as a pillow fight. Tubbo was collecting pillows from anywhere he could find them in order to make a defensive wall. Meanwhile, Tommy tried his best to beat him to death with just one pillow and sheer force of will. Ranboo, in the chaos, managed to escape to the bedroom.

Pussy.

Tommy would deny the incredibly manly shriek that escaped him when a nerf dart nailed him right between the shoulder blades until his dying breath.

Tommy spun around and came face-to-face with his worst nightmare.

Ranboo with a nerf gun.

"Uh," said Tommy, very eloquently, if he did say so himself, "Team?"

"I'm sorry, Tommy," they said, raising their gun, "It's neef or noth."

They shot him right in the stomach.

Tommy shrieked again, collapsing to the floor like the dramatic bitch he one hundred percent is not (no matter what Tubbo says).

***

Tommy slept until 5 PM on Saturday, fatigue from doing every chore imaginable, plus hiding from Wilbur and Techno during school, plus the pillow war from the previous night finally catching up to him.

Every one of his joints ached, all of his muscles twinged with pain when he even attempted to move them. His throat was sore and voice rough from all of the screaming he'd done the night before.

It's the worst Tommy's felt without being properly sick in a long time.

He thought the last time he felt this bad was the day before he was placed in Phil's house.

The house before Phil's had not had very kind parents.

Cut it out. Stop.

Back to Tommy's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad DayTM, Tubbo had come into the room about twenty minutes ago with "food".

Tommy wouldn't go so far as to call it food though. Hence the air quotes.

It was white bread -- yes, bread, not even toasted or anything -- with baked beans and horribly undercooked mini sausages on top. Even when Tubbo first gave it to him, it was cold, and now even more so. It looked vile.

Tubbo really, really, could not cook. He was worse than Ranboo, and they could only make spaghetti and cake (as long as it was from a pre-prepared cake mix).

Truly, Tommy was their only salvation.

Needless to say, Tommy could not eat the rancid so-called "food" Tubbo had cooked up, but he also couldn't get up to make his own food, either, and Ranboo was unavailable on account of them being at the store restocking their food supply. Which left Tommy on his own.

Fantastic.

"Tubbooo!" Tommy called out, voice cracking slightly from the strain.

Tubbo's hoofsteps could be heard from the other side of the apartment, sprinting towards the bedroom.

The door slammed open, hitting the wall with a loud bang.

"Tommy! What's wrong, are you hurt? Do I need to call an ambulance?" Tommy rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine, Tubso. I just can't eat this." He raised the plate of dubious "food" for his friend to see. "It's cold and the sausages are undercooked and you didn't even toast the bread, you heathen."

Tubbo crossed his arms, "You just have shit taste in food."

"Wha- I have shit taste in food?!" Tommy screeched, aggravating his already sore throat, "I'm not the one that eats cold baked beans and undercooked sausages on bread!"

"Yeah, which means you have shit taste!"

"Oh that's it-"

Tommy was interrupted in his preparations to launch at Tubbo, muscle fatigue be damned, by the front door of the apartment opening.

"Tubbo! Come help me with groceries!" Ranboo called. Then, quieter, "Please oh my god this stuff is heavy-"

"We're not done here, we'll talk about this later," Tubbo said with a glare, far too dramatic to be serious.

"Tubbo!!" Ranboo shouted again.

"Coming!"

Tubbo left the room the same way he'd entered; in a dead sprint and slamming the door.

Tommy found himself rolling his eyes at his friend's antics.

***

He eventually did get food that wasn't a crime against humanity, but it was still just spaghetti. Curse Ranboo and their refusal to learn to cook anything else.

He quickly fell asleep after that, at the disgraceful hour of 8 PM.

Like, seriously, he had a reputation, he was Big Man Tommy Innit. Tommy Careful Danger Kraken Innit. And he did not go to bed at 8 PM.

Well, it was a one-time thing, anyway. No one else had to know.

Sunday morning, Tubbo and Ranboo pulled him out of bed and onto the couch, saying they needed to have a, quote, "important talk". Tommy, in his infinite wisdom, thought it was stupid.

He wasn't nervous. He wasn't.

It's just… well…

"Important talks" never really went well for him.

So there he sat, squished between Tubbo and Ranboo on the couch, Michael purring up a storm in his lap. He swore that the cat could smell his anxiety.

"Sooo…" Tommy said, full attention on Michael's fur. The cat was shedding a bit more than usual. He needed to be brushed soon. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Do you want to go out today, Tommy?"

Tommy blinked in confusion, lifting his eyes from the cat and meeting Tubbo's gaze.

"Why? Where would we go?"

Tubbo looked up at him blankly. Tommy glanced at Ranboo for an explanation, but only got another blank look.

"Tommy," Ranboo said, voice uncomfortably pitying, "What's today's date?"

"The ninth of April? What's that got to do with anything?"

Tubbo looked constipated. Tommy said as much. Tubbo just ignored him and shook his head. "Okay, well, do you want to go out or not? We could go shopping, or to McDonald's, or even just to a park or something."

"Or maybe to the museum?" Ranboo suggested, "We have enough money for three tickets as long as Tubbo pretends he's eleven."

They were both acting so fucking sus. Tommy didn't like it.

Neither of them would ever offer to spend money unnecessarily, their bank account just couldn't afford to. Why the fuck were they doing it now?

"Why are you offering to spend money on me?" Tommy asked bluntly. "Is it some kind of pity thing? Or repayment for the chores? Because if it is, I'm not going anywhere."

Tubbo looked completely bewildered, as though he'd never even considered that to be a possibility. Tommy supposed that meant he wasn't lying; Tubbo was never a very good actor.

"It's not, I swear," Tubbo told him, mouth set in a firm line, "We just want to treat you to some time out of the apartment. That's not school, anyway."

Tommy supposed that answer made some amount of sense.

(His verdict was not influenced by him going somewhat stir crazy from being cooped up inside all the time. It wasn't and anyone who said it was is a liar.)

"Alright," said Tommy, satisfied, "I want to go to McDonald's then."

"Of course you want to go to McDonald's," Ranboo, the local McDonald's hater, said under their breath. Tommy glared at them.

How someone could hate McDonald's baffled Tommy. McDonald's was the best.

"Alright!" Tubbo clapped his hands and stood from the couch, dragging Tommy up by the wrist to stand with him. "We're going to McDonald's, then!"

"Yippee," said Ranboo, completely monotone.

***

They all piled into Ranboo's car for the five minute drive to the nearest McDonald's. Tommy was honestly unaware that they even could drive, but he supposed it made sense. They were always the one to be sent out to get stuff from the store and whatnot.

They parked the car in the nearest parking spot, and everyone got out. Tommy was jittery with excitement. He hadn't had proper fast food in so long. The mere idea of it made his mouth water.

Tommy bolted for the entrance, Tubbo hot on his heels. Ranboo followed at a much more sedated pace.

They looked nauseous just setting foot in the building.

Tommy ordered a Big Mac meal, with a large fry and a coke. Tubbo decided on a ten-piece chicken McNugget after several minutes of internal (and external) debate. They each got a McFlurry, as the ice cream machine was miraculously unbroken.

Ranboo, unsurprisingly, got nothing, because they were a weirdo.

All of the food totaled out at a fairly reasonable £14.77, and despite not getting anything, Ranboo pulled out their debit card and paid for it.

What a strange, strange person Ranboo was.

Tommy all but inhaled his food the second he got it, Tubbo not far behind. While he and Tubbo pigged out, Ranboo shot them the most uncomfortable and disgusted look Tommy had ever seen anyone make before -- and he'd seen the faces people made after catching him eating out of the trash -- from across the table.

Tommy made sure to flip them off and chew louder in response.

They left McDonald's in just over half an hour of getting there. Ranboo visibly relaxed as they drove out of the parking lot.

All in all, it was a successful McDonald's trip.

Tommy didn't notice that they weren't driving back to the apartment until it was too late.

They rolled to a stop, and only then did Tommy look out the window.

The car was parked in Phil's driveway.

A pit opened in Tommy's stomach. Suddenly, it felt like all the food he'd just eaten was going to make an unpleasant return.

"Why are we here…?"

Tubbo, beside him in the backseat, tried to take Tommy's hand in his own. Tommy ripped it away from him and cradled it to his chest.

"Toms-"

"Don't fucking 'Toms' me, Tubbo, why the fuck are we here?!"

Tommy's lungs weren't working right, he thought. It felt like he couldn't get a full breath in. His throat was tight, it hurt to speak. That didn't stop him from screaming at his "friends" though.

"What the fuck is wrong with you two?! I thought we were friends!"

"Tommy, we are your friends-"

Anger burned hot in his chest, bubbling up behind his ribcage alongside the bone-chilling fear he felt in that moment.

"Then why. Are. We. Here?!"

"Because Phil asked us to bring you!" Tubbo shouted back. Tommy staggered back, not expecting to be shouted back at.

Something hot and wet spilled down his face.

Tears. Those were tears.

"I don't wanna be here," Tommy sobbed, startling everyone with the disparity of it, including himself, "Please- please… I don't- I-"

"We're sorry, Tommy," Ranboo said through Tommy's open door. When had they gotten out of the car? Or opened Tommy's door?

Tommy's pretty sure they said something else, but his brain had officially checked out for the day, apparently. Tears kept falling from his eyes, but he felt detached and a bit floaty. Ranboo's mouth was moving, and Tommy could hear them speak, but the words just didn't… register.

He found he didn't particularly care.

Why was he crying, again?

Tommy blinked, and between the time he closed his eyes and opened them again, he was in an entirely new location.

Instead of Ranboo's car, Tommy found himself curled in the foetal position on familiar red and white bedding. He was in his bed in Phil's house, his brain absently connected. There were, somehow, still tears lazily dribbling from his eyes.

Tommy's hand seemed to move of its own accord, smoothing out a wrinkle in the comforter.

His eyes slipped closed, but he did not sleep.

Someone entered his room, at some point (how long had it been since- since… since what?) and talked for a bit. The words were nothing but white noise to him, but whoever it was had a very nice voice, so Tommy didn't mind too much. He was content to listen to the musical lilt to the speaker's tone.

The person with the nice voice eventually left. Tommy whined in the sudden silence.

There were two others that came in and talked. One with a low rumbley voice that made him feel warm, and another with a higher pitched voice that had an odd tonality that made him think they probably had an accent.

Tommy thought all their voices sounded good.

The three of them came in and talked to him, and even though he had no clue what they were saying, it was nice to know that they were nice enough to keep Tommy, of all people, company.

Slowly, slowly, Tommy started to come back to himself. He clenched his hands into fists and then stretched them out, over and over, counting the amount of times he'd done the motion.

Finally, he felt like his body was his own again.

He sat up in bed -- his bed, his bed in Phil's house, why was he back at Phil's? -- and looked around the room.

It was the exact same as he'd left it, aside from the light film of dust that covered every surface. The piano sat against the wall, all his books were where they were meant to be on the shelf, his PC was still sitting unlocked on the desktop.

Henry and Duffle were both cradled in Tommy's arms. He hadn't even realised he was holding them.

A knock sounded at the door, and a moment later it swung gently open, revealing Wilbur.

Oh. Shit.

"You're up," Wilbur said, surprise clear in his voice. Tommy licked his lips, but just nodded instead of attempting to speak. "Well, that's better than you've been in the past nine hours."

"Nine hours-'' Tommy's exclamation was cut off by a sudden coughing fit, wracking his whole body with the force of it. He was vaguely aware of Wilbur getting close enough to rub soothing circles on his back.

"Should I get Phil?" Wilbur asked, voice thick with worry.

"Don't get Phil," Tommy demanded, before coughing some more into his fist.

They didn't speak again for a while, even after Tommy had come down from his coughing fit. The silence was deafening; Tommy's ears started ringing.

Wilbur, eventually, stood up. He was trying to hide it, but Tommy could see the way his hands were shaking.

"I'm just… gonna go. Now."

Tommy didn't stop him.

***

Techno came in a short while later with food.

Tommy couldn't force himself to eat it.

***

Phil didn't show up for a while. Tommy believed Wilbur had told him that Tommy didn't want to see him. Which was great! Wonderful! He didn't want to see Phil, and Wilbur told him that, so Phil didn't come to see him.

He simultaneously hated Wilbur for it and wanted to thank him.

But, eventually, Phil did have to show up. And "eventually" just so happened to be right now.

Phil stood in the doorway, wings fluffed up behind him. With his wings like that, he blocked the entire doorway. Tommy did his best to not show how tense he was because of it.

"Hey, Tommy."

Tommy just stared.

Phil cleared his throat, "Can I come in?" Tommy scoffed.

"It's your house, innit?"

"But it's your room."

"I don't see why that matters." Phil went quiet, head tilted to the side. He'd decided to act like a fucking bird again, Tommy saw. He sighed and rolled his eyes. "You can come in, I guess. Might as well get this over with…"

Phil stepped into the room and finally unblocked the door. Tommy steadfastly ignored the way his shoulders relaxed, and instead chose to focus on Phil's every move.

"Are you feeling better now? We think you had a dissociative episode back there." Phil stood about a foot away from the edge of the bed, keeping his distance. "You scared Wil about half to death."

"Yeah, sure I did," Tommy sneered, "What should I care?"

(Tommy did care. A lot. It was honestly kind of annoying how much he cared.)

Phil sighed. His wings ruffled behind him, feathers fluffing up and then resettling. He moved over to the bed and sat down, leaving Tommy just out of his arms reach.

"What's wrong, mate?" Phil asked.

Tommy debated not answering. Like, seriously, what was he gonna do if he didn't answer?

He might get hit, his subconscious reminded him. Phil had never hit him (or Wilbur or Techno for that matter), but the possibility was always there. And before, he didn't have a reason to hit Tommy.

If he didn't answer, then he would have a reason.

"Why are you acting like you care?" Tommy asked after a long internal debate, "You're gonna send me back to my social worker. Why put in all this effort?"

Phil looked genuinely taken aback, whether by Tommy answering in the first place or the words themselves, he didn't know.

"We do care about you, Tommy. And we're not going to send you back to your social worker," Phil said, and it was so clearly a lie, but Tommy wanted to believe him anyway. He so, so desperately wanted to believe them. But his trust had been broken a few too many times for that. "Why would we do that?"

"Because you don't want to foster me anymore. I'm not stupid. I heard what Wilbur said."

Realisation dawned on Phil's face like a sunrise.

And then he laughed.

This was it. He was going to drop the act. Finally, Tommy could stop walking on eggshells, he could stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He felt like he was gonna be sick.

"Tommy," Phil said, tone all too fond. It made Tommy want to vomit. "We don't want to foster you anymore-"

He fucking knew it. He knew it was too good to be true.

Bile rose in the back of his throat, but Phil was still talking, so he swallowed it down.

"-because we want to adopt you," Phil finished, "Wilbur is just shit at words."

…Wait. Back up, rewind.

'-because we want to adopt you.'

Tommy must have been hearing things, because Phil could not have just said that.

Wilbur wanted Phil to adopt him? Him, Tommy Careful Danger Kraken Innit, wife haver and annoying kid -- not a kid -- supreme? Tommy, who'd been kicked out of god-knows how many foster homes in the past, and never planned on having a family of his own? Tommy, who knew how to run away and live on the streets for months at a time because it was preferable to some of the houses he'd been put in?

Maybe they'd confused him for some other tall blond kid named Tommy that they fostered.

…

Yeah, no, even he knew he was fooling himself with that one.

But what other explanation was there? They weren't supposed to want him, and yet they did anyway. And even if they tricked themselves into wanting to adopt him, they should have known how bad and disobedient he was. He ran away from them, for god's sake!

Tommy's head was spinning.

It just… It didn't make sense.

"Why?" Tommy found himself asking.

Phil hummed, tapping a clawed finger to his chin in an over-exaggerated thinking motion.

"Because you complete the family dynamic?" Phil offered, "Because we like you for you, because Wilbur always wanted a little brother, and you fill the role perfectly, because Techno is attached even though he won't admit it, because I missed having a fledgling in the nest… I could go on."

Tommy felt a fire ignite in his chest, small and flickering, but there all the same.

"Oh yeah!" Phil continued, wings fluttering happily, "And because we love you!"

The fire burned hot and bright, as though it had been doused in gasoline, hot enough to melt away any lingering fear and doubt.

"You mean that?"

"Of course I do!"

Phil brought a hand up to Tommy's head, threading his fingers though Tommy's tangled curls. Tommy melted into the affection, leaning all his weight into Phil's side, emotionally and physically exhausted.

Tommy Careful Danger Kraken Innit-Minecraft would be a pretty poggers name, he thought as he drifted off to sleep.

***

"That is a lot of fucking papers."

Phil sighed, looking down at the stack of papers he'd set on his desk. They were all adoption and foster papers, all of them filled out and signed by Phil (and Tommy, when applicable).

"It is a lot of fucking papers, and I had to fill out every one of them." Tommy cringes.

"Sounds like rotten work," he tells Phil seriously.

"Not to me. Not if it's for you."

Tommy pauses, studying Phil's face for a moment.

"Did you just quote Pylades at me?"

"Paraphrased it, actually. I didn't say the exact words," Phil grinned. "And you're the one that said 'it's rotten work'."

"Yeah, because doing all that paperwork sounds like actual hell on earth," Tommy argued, just for the sake of it.

It was nice to know he could joke around like this, that he wasn't going to get hit for speaking out of turn or insulting someone. He could get used to it.

He would get used to it. They were adopting him!

It still didn't quite feel real.

Heavy hoofsteps stomped up the stairs, approaching at a rapid pace. A lighter set of footsteps followed the first, moving just as quickly.

Phil's office door swung open, revealing Techno in all his pink-haired glory, Wilbur standing behind him.

"Are you talking about Greek mythology in here?" Techno asked, a crazed look in his eye, "Without me?!"

"Phil started it!" Tommy shouted. He ran up to his brothers, grabbing both of them by their sleeves and dragged them into the room. "He par-a-phrased Pylades at me."

"You're the one who pointed it out, gremlin." Phil ruffled his hair affectionately. Tommy absolutely, one-hundred percent did not lean into the touch.

Oh, who was he kidding, of course he leaned into it.

"Tubbo and Ranboo are downstairs playing Mario Kart," Wilbur told them, "D'you wanna come back down with us and join? Get out of this stuffy office and away from that boring paperwork?"

"My office is not stuffy-" Phil tried to protest. Wilbur ignored him.

"We were thinking about ordering pizza, too."

Tommy bounced on his toes, excitement manifesting in little hand flaps.

"I want Hawaiian!" Tommy declared. He grabbed Wilbur's sleeve, pulling the man down to stare him in the face. "We're getting Hawaiian." Wilbur recoiled away, lip curling in over-exaggerated disgust.

"Hawaiian?! Fucking gross, Tommy, ham and pineapple?! On pizza?!"

"Pineapple is good, man!" Tommy yells back. "Wilby, it's not my fault your taste buds are broken."

Wilbur went silent, staring at him, mouth slightly agape. Tommy looked to Techno and Phil, who'd started grinning and snickering, respectively. Tommy decided to ignore them.

"Wilbur? Are you-"

"Did you just call me Wilby?" Wilbur shouted suddenly. Tommy spluttered in response.

"I didn't call you Wilby!"

"No, you definitely did," he insisted.

"I didn't! Your ears must be broken too now, you're hearing things." Tommy crossed his arms over his chest, turning his face away from Wilbur in an attempt to hide his burning face and ears. "We need to get you hearing aids, you're becoming an old man like Phil."

Wilbur had seemingly chosen to ignore Tommy's insults, instead choosing to prod him in the side and keep teasing him.

"Aww, Tommy! You can call me Wilby if you want."

"I don't want to call you that," Tommy denied, "And I didn't call you Wilby!"

The burning in his cheeks said otherwise.

Wilbur laughed at his expense. He wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into an embrace. Tommy dropped his head onto his brother's -- his brother's, how poggers was that?! -- collarbone and groaned in annoyance. Wilbur rested his chin on Tommy's head, humming happily.

"So…" Techno interrupted, "are we orderin' pizza or not?"

"Hawaiian," Tommy mumbled into Wilbur's chest. Wilbur lifted his chin from Tommy's head and pulled away enough to ruffle Tommy's hair. Tommy squawked indignantly, trying and failing to bat Wilbur's hand away.

"You're not going to have an entire pizza to yourself, child."

"Oh yeah? Says who?"

"Says me," Phil cut in, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. Tommy and Wilbur pulled fully apart, and Tommy grabbed the sleeve of Wilbur's sweater again. "You can get half-Hawaiian and half-cheese to share."

Wilbur and Tommy groaned in unison. Phil rolled his eyes.

"Keep complaining and I'll get you both an anchovy and olive pizza." Tommy faked a gag. "That's what I thought."

***

The pizzas arrived at their door half an hour later. They had switched from Mario Kart to Super Smash Bros a few minutes ago, because apparently there was only so many times Tubbo could come last in Mario Kart before he started trying to strangle people.

He wasn't much better at Smash Bros though, if Tommy was honest.

Phil brought the pizzas into the kitchen, deliberately walking slowly directly in front of the TV, just to be annoying.

"Phil! You're blocking the screen!"

"You'll survive."

"Aaauuuugghhhhhhhh-"

Phil finally got out of the way, and Toon Link instantly hit Isabelle straight off the edge of the map.

"NO!" Tommy screamed at the same time as Tubbo screamed, "YES!"

Ranboo sat quietly, still struggling to figure out the controls while Techno patiently coached him through it.

"How many slices do you want, Toms?" Phil called from the kitchen.

"All of them, I'll eat all of- Fuck you, Technoblade!" Tommy yelled as Kirby threw Isabelle past the edge of the screen and she exploded.

"You're getting two!" Phil shouted back. "Wil! come out here and help me with this, would you?"

"Aw, I was having fun watching Tommy get his ass beat," Wilbur sighed, forlornly watching the screen and moving as slowly as possible on his way to the kitchen. Ranboo, playing as Peach, pulled off a combo attack against Isabelle as Techno told him the buttons to press, Tommy screeching obscenities all the while.

The match ended a minute later, Techno in first, Tommy in second, Ranboo in third, and Tubbo dead last.

"Techno barely even did anything last round, how's he in first?!" Tubbo shouted. Techno shrugged.

"Cracked at the game," was all he offered before getting up and following Wilbur out to the kitchen. Tommy, Ranboo, and Tubbo set down their controllers and followed suit.

Phil gave Tommy a plate that already had two slices of Hawaiian on it, and then gave both Tubbo and Ranboo two slices of pepperoni each. Phil took his own plate -- with meat lovers, if Tommy had to guess -- and led them back to the living room, leaving Wilbur and Techno to fend for themselves.

Wilbur returned with one slice of cheese and like, way too many breadsticks, and Techno brought his entire pizza box back out with him.

Tommy wouldn't be surprised if he was planning on eating the whole thing in one night.

"So!" Phil began, pulling out his stash of pirated DVDs, "No video games while we eat. Does anyone have a preference in movie?"

"Do you have Moana?" Tubbo asked. Of course he would want to watch Moana. He'd seen the trailer a little while back, but had never gotten the chance to actually see the film.

"In fact, I do," Phil said, holding the case aloft triumphantly. Tubbo cheered.

Phil put the DVD in the player and switched the HDMI input, then plopped down on the couch next to Tommy.

Tommy sat in the middle of the couch with Phil now on his left and Tubbo on his right. Ranboo was on Tubbo's other side, legs folded to their chest, and Techno was next to Phil. Wilbur lounged on the arm of the couch next to Techno, using his shoulder as an armrest.

Phil pressed play on the remote, and the Disney logo flared to life on the TV screen.

Here, squished together on the couch with his dad, brothers, and best friends, Tommy thought he could finally be happy.

----------------------

And there's part two!! This whole fic took me 15 days to write, and it's been on my mind every second I wasn't writing. Thank god I never have to touch this thing again /j

reblogs > likes

@froizzard and heres the hurt/comfort

[thessalian]

Faerun!Alisaie vs the Power of the Press

But first, murder investigations

Alisaie: Okay, I keep finding corpses. I don't think this guy's doing this in any semblance of order.

Gale: Well, there's the one at the fancy wine tasting...

Alisaie: Oh, hey, and there it is. Um, ma'am? Can we have a word?

Cora: Is it really that important? I'm just about to taste this lovely wine...

Alisaie: *sniffsniff* Hey, Jaheira? Want to have a whiff of this? This is like your whole deal, except ... nastier.

Cora: ...Excuse you?

Jaheira: *sniffsniff* Hrm. Yes. Well spotted. Truth serums do not affect the flavour. Poisons, on the other hand...

Dolor: ...Nononono it was perfect and you RUINED IT!

Cora: Wait ... what was perfect? The wine?

Dolor: *Dimension Doors away*

Doppelgangers: *start attacking the party*

Alisaie: Yeah, there you go! Eyes and claws on me, folks! You, though? Pitch that glass of foulness and run!

Cora: *runs*

Anyone Else With Any Sense: *does the same*

Stabnation: *ensues*

After the stabnation

Cora: Thank you so much for your timely intervention. I promise I won't heed a word of that rubbish they want to print in the paper tomorrow.

Alisaie: .........What. 'Rubbish'?

Cora: Um ... you should ask at the news office. Because I have seen you fillet doppelgangers and you're a little bit scary.

Awhile later, at the rented top room of Elfsong Tavern

Astarion: All right, I'm bored with pretending I don't care. Where is our fearless leader, hmm? And why exactly did she change into leathers before stalking out of here? And why alone?

Jaheira: Well, alone because I may have convinced her to break Councellor Florrick out of prison, and she felt that we took such a beating that rest would be appropriate.

Astarion: She undertook a jailbreak? Without me?!?

Shadowheart: And as to what she's doing ... well, apparently the newspeople here want to slander us very badly, and never mind that we're apparently approved by that asshole Gortash to be here.

Wyll: Wait. By 'badly', do you mean they desperately wanted to do the slandering, or that the slandering is going to be particularly bad, or that they're not going to do a good job of it, or...?

Gale: Excuse me; I'm the pedantic one around here. And technically, it's only slander if you're saying it. When you print it, it's libel.

Astarion: ...You know, if she was going to go 'take care of' some reprehensible newspaper personages, she could have at least invited me. I could really do with some neck right about now.

Gale: Well ... actually...

Jaheira: She is doing crime.

Astarion: ...Not that I'm bothered either way, but ... murder was a crime, last time I looked.

Jaheira: She is doing a breaking and entering crime.

Everyone Else: ...wut.

Astarion: She's doing a break-in without me?!? To change what their printing press is printing, or something? Looking for blackmail material, perhaps? Either way, I'm a little insulted. She should be asking me to do a break-in!

Alisaie: *from the doorway* It's a good thing I didn't, actually. Turns out the printing press is run by a fey creature. Or possibly is a fey creature, but a fey machine makes my head hurt, just as a concept.

Astarion: And that matters why? I'm not in your league, true, but I've cajoled and threatened a few people in my time--

Alisaie: The printing press was friends with Dolly Dolly Dolly - the pixie we set free near Moonrise Towers. Apparently she's been singing my praises to all her friends over that, and he was glad to do me a favour because of it. You weren't there when we did that, so you'd have had a harder time.

Astarion: ...But you do not have my stealthing chops.

Alisaie: No, I didn't, and that's why I gated out of there as soon as I possibly could. Besides, you'd have hated it. I seem to recall your sense of smell being fairly keen and it was all ink and engine oil down there.

Astarion: Oh, fine. ...But you are taking me to deal with Cazador at some point, yes?

Alisaie: Yes. Just I need to look into some shit first. We've still got a serial killer to deal with. The two people we've got left to warn are ... huh, that tavern where we're supposed to ask about that lady's daughter, and Figaro's. Oh, man, I might actually have enough coin to afford an outfit there! I've wanted to for ages.

Shadowheart: I look forward to seeing the results.

Alisaie: *grins*

And, at the Blushing Mermaid Tavern

Alisaie: Right. I remember why I don't generally come here; the ambience is ... weird. Um ... hi; I'm asking about a little girl that--

Barman: Oh, fuck, not this again; we keep getting this and that woman got really weird and ... just talk to the Fist woman and leave us alone!

Alisaie: ...This reeks of hag. And I will be back to investigate this when I don't have a serial killer to stop. HEY! LADY! RITUALISTIC KILLER WANTS YOU DEAD. PLEASE TO BE HIDING NOW.

Nesta: ...Oh fuck, you're not having me on. Lemme just ... pay my tab. I thought it was fishy that I got invited for a drink and nobody showed up... *voom*

Alisaie: Right. Now. I hope Figaro's goes this well...

However, in Facemaker's Boutique...

Citizens: Honestly, why aren't we allowed in? Figaro takes himself far too seriously...

Alisaie: Well, I am about half past giving a fuck. 'Scuse.

Citizens: Wait just a minute!

Guy at Desk: Hey! Get to the back of the queue!

Alisaie: There's a serial killer stalking him; do you want him dead?!? *kicks inner office door open*

Devella: *is paralysed on the floor*

Figaro: *is paralysed in a chair*

Dolor: *pauses monologuing* I can't WORK with these INTERRUPTIONS!

Guy at Desk; Waiting 'Patrons': *become doppelgangers*

Alisaie: ...That question I asked a second ago? Never mind. I know the answer now.

Stabnation: *ensues*

After the stabnation

Figaro: Thank you for your timely arrival. I ... think I've seen you peering in the windows a time or two. Well, you're in luck! I feel very motivated to offer you tremendous discounts!

Alisaie: I will definitely take you up on that. Though I'm probably going to have to get them cleaned before I even wear them, just from the splatter that will ensue with my carrying them. Not that I mind; Prestidigitation is remarkably easy on even delicate fabrics--

Jaheira: *siiiiiiiiigh* If you want to clean up a bit, after ... I know a place.

Alisaie: Oh?

Later, in Elerrathin's house

Kids: Mom!

Alisaie: *glances around at multi-species family* ...Adopted, I take it?

Jaheira: Yes.And thank you for not being particularly confused or shocked by it all.

Alisaie: Eh, I know a halfling couple that makes this look like a small family. They had a dozen, last time I counted.

Jaheira: Huh. Anyway. They should have got out of the city because I sent a Sending saying it wasn't safe!

Rhion: First, you did not use those words. "You know what to do"-- This is our home! Okay, you just want to raid the basement for some stuff for your war, and you don't want us to fight in it, but we have to do something!

Alisaie: Look, on one hand, given what we're dealing with right now, I can see where Jaheira's coming from. On the other hand, you're right that you should do something, because everything really sucks right now. Maybe you can help out the refugees? If nothing else, it'd do them good to see that not everyone in this city is going to be a shitlord to them.

Jaheira: ...I spent all that time with so many of them at the Last Light and I don't even think of them now. I should have thought of that, but the hunt--

Rhion: Yeah, well, maybe this one can get your head out of the hunt once in awhile. And she saved your life, you said, and she's got a good idea so we'd do it even if we didn't owe her. And ... sort of hope we continue to owe her because I want you coming back for good one of these days.

Alisaie: If I have to tie her to a chair, kid.

A little while later...

Alisaie: So what's that scroll thing? Or should I not ask?

Jaheira: Not ... just now. Let us leave it at 'young foolishness' for now. Why are we heading in this direction?

Alisaie: I wanted to see if that artist dude got home okay...

Jannath's House: *is full of Poltergeists*

Alisaie: ...I freed this guy for this?

Jannath: Don't hurt him! He's not himself! Just ... go look in his painting place!

After navigating the skulls, the poltergeists, and the cursed chandeliers...

Gale: ...Who the hell names themselves "Mystic Carrion"?

Alisaie: The universe's least subtle necromancer. I'll go talk to them. See if I can't get them to stop pulling this shit.

Gale: Well, it is you, I suppose. Now, perhaps we might want to get some rest? You want to be up bright and early for tomorrow's edition, don't you?

Alisaie: ...Yeah, fair.

And, back at Elfsong Tavern

Mizora: Hi there! I brought my justices to have a little chat about some things...

Wyll; Alisaie: Oh, fuck.

((OOC note: in Janneth's manor, there is a letter from Chamberlain Mercer, and a book titled "The Butler's Cane Has A Knob On The End" - GNU Terry Pratchett. Anyway, game is made of nerd.))

[veebs-says]

Did I just have a seizure? Am I about to have a migraine? Does it really make a difference one way or the other?

Either way my brain doesn't work right and the solution is at least partially that my doctors should just give me my damn prescriptions instead of letting them run out and make me harass them to get them to do anything about it. You are not installing confidence that you're actually going to help me if you complain about me not having seen you in person as recently as you'd like when the reason I haven't been there as often at usual is that I've been having a really hard time in general, and not having my damn meds does not make that easier. Especially when my brain's default response to anything changing suddenly is to do something neurologically weird.

And when I say I've been having a hard time what I really mean is that the past six months have been the worst six months of my life in just about every imaginable way, and that's after the previous couple years were already worse than everything before that in many ways. Almost everything that's ever gone wrong before is going wrong simultaneously these days.

I almost started making a list here, but it's too much and doesn't feel helpful right now. It's also not helpful that my vision and hearing have both gotten substantially worse this year instead of just the usual stuff where my brain is weird.

And I guess that's where I've been for the past six months of not looking at Tumblr because the couple times I tried made me sad so it was easier to just not. I've apparently been busy becoming increasingly disabled, losing most of what I had in my life, and not really having much agency with any of it.

I spent most of my life starting in high school gradually getting worse with each passing year, but finally in the last couple years before the pandemic I made some positive progress for the first time in a very long time, and things were starting to look better for a change. My health was still kind of a mess but seemed to be improving, I was getting out and doing more things (including stuff I never would've done before), and I had tons of friends and great relationships with awesome people.

Now my health is the worst it's ever been, I haven't left the house in two years other than moving from one place I live to another or occasional medical stuff that has to be done in person, and I'm more isolated than I've ever been. And I can't just magically fix any of that. I barely have the capacity to brush my teeth once a day and shower once every five months, and if my food weren't provided for me I would simply starve. None of those are exaggerations.

If I can barely do any of that, how am I supposed to address any of these things and change them? And if I barely even know who I am on my own anymore, how am I supposed to even think about who I am in friendships and relationships?

It took my entire life to finally just barely get a fraction of my shit together, and now not only has all of that been undone but I've ended up so much further back than where I started. I can't do all that again, and it's that much worse having seen what I could be and quite possibly not ever being able to get it back.

And maybe that's wrong. Maybe someone will finally figure out what's wrong with me and things will get better. That's still what I'm hoping for, even if it would almost definitely take years to undo some of this.

The problem is that if this can't be fixed and this is all I've got, it's not worth it. And unless my health or my relationships get drastically better my backup plan is basically guess I'll die dot jpg. Not because that's what I want or anything, but I clearly can't take care of myself and my parents are getting old and can't for that much longer either.

And like...that's fine? It's not something I didn't already accept as a possibility a long time ago. I've been 100% dependent on other people for a while, and if for any reason they can't or won't keep doing that, then...

I know people always say it's not a burden to care for someone who's sick or injured or disabled, but I don't think that's actually true. It definitely is. I've seen how it affects the people around me. It may be really obvious the ways our bullshit society doesn't give someone like me almost any of the support I need, but equally as much it doesn't do that for any of the people around me who have to make up for what it doesn't do. And those people may sometimes be ok with that or at least willing to do it anyway, but I'm not convinced it's not a burden on them, just that it's one they choose to bear.

This whole thing has been bouncing around in my head for months, slowly taking shape. I probably left out at least half of what I've been thinking about, but whatever weird brain thing is going on right now has caught up with me, and I can't remember or really think about it any more right now.

I don't know whether I want everyone to see this or no one to see this. Obviously the answer is to put it on here and let the whims of Tumblr sort it out.

[fandomdancer]

Gloves Off

A few months ago I left social media because I was realizing that I was posting on five different sites (Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter, and Discord), and getting almost no responses to things I would say or questions I would ask. The only way to get someone to interact with me was to deliberately call them out. Even when I posted needing help or expressing frustration, it was exceedingly rare that someone would actually reply to me in any way.

I have slowly made my way back and discovered that the same is still true. A few people responded quickly when I posted but now it's dropped off again.

So...I'm going to try something radical. I'm going to start posting personal things here. Since it seems like no one cares or cares enough to respond, I will assume people aren't really reading this either. So it shouldn't matter what I put. At least it'll help me get stuff out of my head.

Last night, I had a dream. It was a typical dream for me...I commonly dream about 'first days', such as first days of work or school. I am usually filled with excitement at the 'newness' of everything, but mixed in is a general sense of unease and discomfort because I can't figure out where I need to go or what I need to do. I'm usually late, running around, trying to find someone or something to help me, and I eventually wake up or leave the situation feeling uncomfortable and hoping the next day is better.

I also dream about 'last days' and this was that kind of dream. For a 'last day' dream, it's usually the last day of school or camp, something where I have made friends or gotten a romantic interest but now it's over and we all have to go away. There's an anxiety in the air, a feeling of losing friends and wondering if we will all see each other again. There's also a pressure, a rush to get things done and close all the loops, so to speak, before finally going home.

In the dream last night, it was the last day of a camp or convention that I was at. I was with two other girls, and we were all close - we'd met during the time we had been there but we were great friends. However, one of the girls had said she wasn't coming back next year, and so we were preparing to say goodbye to her 'forever' (there's never a sense of 'I'll write you', it's always 'probably never again' in these dreams). As we walked and talked, we passed by other 'dorms' where actors were staying. The actors had been in the camp with us, teaching and hanging out with us. It was all very chill, we weren't 'starstruck', but we WERE planning on getting autographs and pictures before leaving, and the actors knew this and were okay with it.

One of the actors (there's still an odd part of me that worries someone will read this and judge me so I won't say who, let's just say he is older and was popular in the 90s) and I had apparently gotten close because I remember when I looked at him, I felt an extreme warmth blossom in my chest, that feeling of affection and familiarity with someone you know well. It wasn't romantic...not really. That feeling was reserved for a different actor I saw a moment later, (still older but not as old, and popular in the 80s and 90s) that sort of tense excitement of looking at That Person and wondering if They Like You Too. Both actors were packing up and getting ready to go so the three of us thought it was inappropriate to bug them for photos and autographs yet. We decided to wait.

While we were waiting, the camp or convention was being broken down, and eventually we were pushed out of our waiting spot to various locations around the dorms or hotel or wherever it was we were. (My brain doesn't always fill in location like that). Everywhere we went, things were being taken down and apart and people were packing and leaving, and the general sense of sadness grew as the time got closer for us to go. Eventually, we were pushed so far away that we had to start walking back to our own 'dorms' to pick up our stuff and get on the bus to go to the airport.

Here's where the dream got odd.

As we were walking back, I saw a shuttle pulling out, and in the shuttle I saw the two actors we had planned to meet. Instead of feeling like I missed out on a chance for a photo and autograph, I suddenly felt like someone I cared about deeply was going away forever, and there would be no contact ever again. To my shock, I saw the actor I had felt familiar with press his hand to the glass of the window, his face frantic as he looked at me, and it was honestly like something out of a movie, both of us raising our hands to wave, me starting to cry, and our eyes just locked on each other as the van drove by. Then, suddenly, the van stopped and the door opened and I ran over there. He got out of the van and we flung our arms around each other.

I was sobbing really hard into his jacket and he was petting my back and murmuring things to me that I don't remember (I WISH I did, I don't remember what I was saying to him either). He was trying to be comforting and soothing I think, but he was holding on to me as tightly as I was holding on to him. None of the other people in the van looked bothered by what was going on, in fact a couple of them looked sad, like they knew or understood what was happening. I heard my girlfriends talking to others behind me but it was really all about this one actor and I, saying goodbye. His jacket was a little rough, a synthetic material, and he was warm. He smelled like the hotel we had been in, that kind of warm, welcoming, clean scent that's like a mix of flowers and linen, and a bit musky.

We eventually drew apart and he wiped a couple of tears from my eyes before getting back in the van. As he did, the other actor I had wanted to meet (the one I felt a little romantic to), climbed into the seat right by the door. He was now only inches away from me, and I had the opportunity to say goodbye to him and tell him how much I appreciated his work and thank him. But after I did that...he ignored me. He didn't look at me once, or even seem to realize I was there. He just stared straight ahead with this blank, angry look on his face. He didn't say a word. He didn't blink. He just stared. I felt so incredibly sick watching him, like I had done something horribly wrong.

And the van door closed and the vehicle drove off - and I woke up.

The whole experience left me feeling wrung out and shaken up. Even though I know it was a dream, I still feel like I did something wrong and I still feel like I lost someone important. The first thing I did when I woke up this morning was make sure both actors are still alive (they are), but I'm still sitting here at work wanting to cry because I can't fix whatever I did wrong - and I know I'll probably never get an opportunity to meet at least one of the actors (the one I was familiar with), so that goodbye might be the only chance I get to interact with him...and it wasn't even a real interaction.

I may have a chance at meeting the other actor...and I doubt it will go as badly as the dream. He's a pretty cool guy from what I've heard. I'm just annoyed my brain painted him in that light. I guess my insecurities are free to roam and take over when I'm asleep. I'm extremely insecure and worried about first impressions. Comes with the autism.

Pictures are of the actors around the ages in my dream.

[pennyl4n3]

The Pool

*Taking a deep breath*

Well well well, this is my first fanfic (or should I say second or third? Btw, this one came to a conclusion) and I've never been much into writing, but Duskwood and all of you fantastic people in the fandom here brought me to this. I hope you like it, and of course I look forward to your comments and feedback.

Pairing: Jake x MC

Contents: Angst, Sadness, Fluff, Romance

It had been three months since his last contact with her. He'd had to disappear from the radar, the government breathing down his neck. Every day he fought the urge to write to her; he couldn't risk putting her in danger. He couldn't even risk reading her conversations at the moment, so he was as blind as she was.

He didn't know where she was, if she was okay, if she was mad at him, though after all this time he imagined she was. The last time they had written to each other she was in Duskwood and he had every intention of finally catching up with her. Things hadn't gone as planned unfortunately, and the deal he was trying to make with the government had fallen through, forcing him to become a fugitive again.

He was exhausted, he was free and yet he felt imprisoned in an endless loop. Ever since he had met her he had realized how heavy his condition was to bear, how much he missed talking to someone in person, how much he longed to get out without having to disguise himself. He wanted to move, to run, to be outside, and above all else he wanted to run to her, and hold her, look into her eyes, tell her in his voice how much he missed her.

While he was lost in these thoughts he scrolled through their last conversations, rereading every word and every comma. At one point he found the conversation in which they had talked about one of MC's great passions, swimming. He barely knew how to float, he had never had a chance to learn it as a child, and on that occasion he had promised himself he would try it someday. MC had told him about a public pool in her hometown that was easy to get into at night through a gate with a broken lock. She had gone there many times, when she needed to relieve her nerves and to be alone. Suddenly Jake felt the urge to see that pool, and set about finding it. Amazingly it was a couple of blocks from where he was hiding, the next step was to check the security cams near the building and along the way. He could do it without too much difficulty, and he really needed to get some air and some purpose, so he slipped on his sweatshirt, pulled on his hood and mask, and set off.

He arrived within minutes, constantly looking around. The streets were practically empty, but caution was never too much. The pool was a low building, all on one level. Mentally following MC's directions he managed to find the little gate, behind some bushes. It was still broken, unbelievable. Curiosity was stronger than him and he continued towards the entrance. His footsteps echoed in the hall, as he went down the few steps that led directly to the pool floor, the smell of chlorine filled his nostrils. Even though it was night he could see almost all of the interior well, thanks to the huge windows that almost reached the ceiling and let in the illumination of the street lamps, just as MC had told him.

He sat on the steps and stayed there for a while, lost in his imagination, even though he had never seen MC, enjoying that moment of peace, and trying to imagine her doing something that made her feel good...

A noise outside startled him, he ran off the steps and flattened himself against the wall. He waited in silence, his nerves on edge, his heart in his throat, his eye searching for possible alternatives escape routes. another metallic noise, and the angry meows of two cats fighting each other. Jake breathed a sigh of relief but waited vigilantly for a while longer before heading for the exit with shaking legs. When he returned to his shelter, he promised himself he would never try it again, but that was not to be. He returned there two more nights, until he decided to get a swimsuit and try swimming.

And so Jake found himself inside the pool, scared and unsure at first, but after a few minutes he began to feel the benefit of being in the water, the lightness provided by its support. He knew it wouldn't last long, but he continued to go there as many nights as he could. He would return to his hut tired but satisfied, and he could even get a decent night's sleep.

One evening he was trying to swim as usual when he heard a female voice saying jokingly, "well, I thought I was the only one who knew this place, but apparently not." Jake froze, almost having a heart attack. He was in the water, there was no way to escape. He drew a deep breath, thinking that it was anyway dark enough, and that his features weren't clearly visible, and decided to try not to look too suspicious. "Yeah, apparently not" he replied, trying to keep his voice from shaking. The girl smiled, or so it seemed to him, and continued, "I guess you like to be here alone, just like I usually do, but I could really use a swim tonight. I'll go in the back lane, I swear I won't bother you. Is that okay?" "O-oh yeah, yeah, go ahead," Jake mumbled, trying to hide his face as much as possible, and stood watching her as she made her way to the other side of the pool, still shocked that there was another human being in the same room as him. He realized that he was staring in her direction, and decided to start swimming again. After a while he stopped, out of breath and with tired arms, and saw that the girl instead was still swimming, at a brisk pace, and giving no sign of wanting to stop. He got out of the water and sat on the steps, wrapped in his towel, trying to catch his breath. Watching her was hypnotic, she moved with fluid movements, slow and steady. He wondered if MC swam like that too. How he wished he could have written to her to tell her he was swimming, or at least trying to, and to thank her for letting him discover this wonderful new experience as well. Since he had met her, his life had taken on a new light, where before only greyness and despair reigned.

His phone made a sound, bringing him back to reality. It was time to go home. He dressed quickly and headed for the exit, he didn't want to interrupt the girl's concentration, and he didn't intend to introduce himself, so better that way. Once back at the shelter he went back to work on his laptop, while eating a sandwich. Concentration continued to leave him that night, however, as the encounter with the stranger had brought him back to MC in a big way.

He returned to the pool the next evening, yearning to tire himself out and find some peace of mind. Once he got to the door he heard the sound of water coming from inside, he carefully pushed his way across the threshold, trying to figure out who was there and was relieved to see that it was again the girl he met the night before. He walked over to his side of the pool and removed his clothes as he cast furtive glances at her. He dove into the water and began to swim, trying to focus on his breathing, which was the part he struggled with the most. When he emerged with bated breath, he saw the girl standing at the edge of the pool and winced. "Hi, I didn't mean to scare you. I've been watching you swim and I thought I could give you a few tips, if you don't mind" Jake was so amazed and scared that for a few seconds he could only stare at her with his mouth open. "I-I...I don't.... " she giggled softly and shrugged her shoulders "Ok, look, I didn't mean to embarrass you...I'm going back to my lane. If you want it you know you can ask it okay?" And she turned to go back to her lane. "Wait. Yes, please I will gladly accept your help." Jake said. She retraced her steps and squatted down beside the edge of the pool with a smile on her face. "So, first let's start with your upper body, I've noticed that you move it a lot between strokes and that wastes your energy and breath. Try to stand up straighter, your arms and legs do most of the work. Then, every time you pull your arm forward, you can inhale if you feel the need to, and slowly you'll find yourself pulling two strokes, then three, and so on, but don't be in a hurry. If you take care of your technique well, managing your breath will already be easier." Jake was focused on her words and nodded, before turning around and trying again. Following her advice actually felt like he was already doing better. A wave of satisfaction ran through him when he managed to do his usual laps without getting breathless. He emerged smiling and sat on the edge of the pool. She was still there and looked at him approvingly, then asked "Better now, isn't it? "Yes, thank you very much." He answered. "Thanks to you, I'm just back in town but I'm not having much contact with the rest of the world, helping you was a pleasure" "I... I understand, I didn't have much contact lately either". A slightly embarrassed silence fell between them. It was Jake's phone that broke it, by emitting an alarm tone. Jake got up quickly and headed for his bagpack. "I, uh, have to go now, thanks again for your help." She looked at him briefly, nodded, and stepped back. "Oh, yeah, sure, no problem. Well, good night then" and walked back to the pool. "Good night" he replied, and as soon as she turned around, he changed his wet swimsuit with dry clothes and headed quickly to the exit.

As he walked down the street, he wondered if he wasn't risking too much by going to the pool regularly, and by confiding in that unknown girl. He then decided that it would be better to avoid it for a while, even if it was with great regret.

Jake avoided the pool for a few days, but eventually decided to go back. He couldn't wait to get there. As he walked the short distance between his hiding place and the pool, he mentally savored the feel of the water, the smell of the chlorine, the relaxation it gave him to swim until his muscles ached. As always, he sneaked up on the hidden entrance, his senses all out to catch any suspicious movements or noises. That evening, however, he heard no suspicious noises as he entered the large room with the tanks, but a soft sobbing. He listened for a while, trying to distinguish where the crying was coming from. When he spotted the silhouette of the mysterious girl on the steps he felt a tug at his heart, and could not help but go near her.

"Hey, is everything okay?" he said softly.

She looked up with a jolt, and when she recognized him she answered a little annoyed: "What do you think? No, everything is not okay." She immediately realized she had been abrupt, and added in a tone of apology, clutching her knees to her chest: "Sorry, I didn't think you would come, I haven't seen you here in a while and you caught me off guard..." "It's okay, no need to apologize. I guess I interrupted an intimate moment of yours. It's just that hearing you cry made me worried somehow." He replied to her as he blushed, realizing what he had just said. "I-I meant...well I mean, sorry if I m-maybe I embarrassed you, I should probably go and..." hinting back. "No, wait. Please stay. If it's not a problem for you of course. I don't really feel like being alone anymore." she said as she reached out a hand towards him and motioned for him to sit beside her. Jake was tense, the last thing he had expected that night was to find himself consoling the mysterious girl, but he certainly couldn't leave her there alone, she had always been very kind to him and he was sincerely sorry to see her sad. He exhaled a deep breath and went to sit next to her as he pulled a handkerchief from a pocket of his backpack and handed it to her. "Thank you," she said with a smile, "I really appreciate it." For a while an awkward silence descended, during which they both stared at their hands. Suddenly she blurted out "You know, I'm worried about someone, that's why I was crying. I haven't heard from him in a while and I don't know what to think. I'm trying to move on, I promised him, and really, I'm trying so hard, but some days the weight of his absence is so hard to bear that I can barely get out of bed. Whatever I do the thought of him is with me. This is the only place I can find some peace, because swimming empties my mind b-but t-tonight..." her eyes glazed over again as she swallowed, trying to push back the tears. He had listened to her in silence until that moment, respecting her moment of venting, but when he realized she was about to cry again he felt he had to do something, so he passed his left arm behind her back and pulled her to him, gently holding her in an embrace. "I-I can understand it, you know? I promised one person I would move on too. But it's so hard. I want to call her, I want to write her, I want to know how she is doing, where she is...but every day I forbid myself to do that. And I know I owe it to her, because she doesn't deserve to keep feeling bad because of me and my mistakes and..." his voice faded away, as he realized that he was risking to say things he shouldn't have said, he recovered quickly trying to cut it short and not to let the tremor in his voice be heard "...and I understand you, that's it. I miss her so much too."

As they stood in silence, his heart running fast in his chest and he desperately looking for something else to say, he felt her draw back into his embrace and sigh. It felt good to have her in his arms, and feeling her calming down warmed his heart. It had been so long since Jake had touched anyone, not really talked to anyone, hardly remembered what it was like. A little later she said softly, "Thank you. For sharing a little piece of you with me. You don't need to talk about it if you don't feel like it, I understand. It's... " she stopped thoughtfully, "Complicated" finished Jake. "Yes, yes exactly! It's damn complicated. But knowing that someone can understand me makes me feel better." then she turned to him and drew a deep breath, then added, "Well, how about a swim? After all, this is what we both came for." Jake nodded and removed his arm from her shoulders. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He got up from the steps and walked over to the usual little corner where he used to change his clothes, while she headed to her pool lane and dove in. Once he slipped into his swimsuit, Jake entered cautiously, still pensive from that brief but intense exchange of confessions.

He slowly dived down to the bottom and stayed there for a while, still immersed in his thoughts. He had to stop those nightly outings. They were already dangerous in themselves, and now this unknown girl had been added, making him talk too freely. All of his inner alarms were telling him it was time to stop, and it was also time to change hiding places again, even though being so close to a place in MC's heart made him feel closer to her.

A movement to the side of his field of vision brought him out of his thoughts, and out of the pool as well. When he got to his feet he ran a hand over his eyes and pulled his hair back so he could see better, turning to face the source of the movement. He saw her in the aisle next to where he stood, staring at him. "A-are you ok?" said him in an uncertain voice. She giggled and replied, "I was going to ask you the same thing, you weren't coming up out of the water anymore." "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I scared you, I was just... well, reflecting." he replied. She stared at him intently, looking at his black hair, stuck to the sides of his face, and said tilting her head "It's weird you know? You remind me so much of him, the way you behave somehow, I can't actually explain it". Jake blushed and swallowed hard. "I'll take it as a compliment" he replied, and stepped out of the water. "I have to get back. I hope you feel better now." continued, while heading to the bag of dry clothes. She stood staring at him, wondering if she had made him uncomfortable with that confession. When she realised he was about to undress she turned around, blushing. She waited for a while and then sat down on the edge of the bath and said with a smile, "Yes, I'm feeling better, thanks to you. Good night, stranger."

When he arrived to the hut, something alarmed him: some of the boards near the entrance were placed differently than he had left them. He quickly stepped into the shadows and took out his phone to check inside. Two men were sitting at his usual spot, peering at the screens. Jake was quick to slip back downstairs and to reach out his hiding place number two, three doors down. As soon as he was seated, he took his phone out of his jeans pocket and started the hidden cameras. The two men didn't seem to have any idea what they were looking at, and they didn't look like officers either, to be honest. Maybe two thieves? But what kind of thieves would break into an old warehouse with the windows covered by boards? What did they expect to find there? He carefully examined the video images from the cameras he had placed around the rest of the perimeter of the building and saw a couple of policemen in the back. "Fuck!" he whispered through his teeth. He prepared to format everything in the hiding place and stood vigilantly by, watching them alternately. The two intruders were probably hiding from the cops, and risked exposing him. He noticed that there was a car shop next door and decided to create a diversion. He quickly managed to hack into the shop's security system and set it to go off, so that the cops could be sent away. He then logged on to his workstation and simply brought up Nymos, some glitches and the words "intruders detected, defensive protocol activated" on the screens. It was more than enough to send the two of them running for the hills.

He sighed with relief, letting himself down on the makeshift mattress behind him. He stayed like that for a while as he listened to his heartbeat return to a normal rhythm, his adrenaline slowly subsiding, his breathing becoming regular. His stomach rumbled, so he reached into his bag and pulled out an energy bar. After an hour or so, he locked the entrance to the main hideout and went back the way he'd come: better stay there for the night. As he settled in for the night, streams of thoughts came over him. He realised that the idea of leaving MC hometown made him feel lost, even though she wasn't there, and it wasn't even certain that she would return. Still, he knew he had to leave, that evening's mishap was another proof of that. There wasn't much to think about really, he had to move again, maybe he'd come back later. He thought of the girl at the pool, of her pain, so familiar. How was it possible that love could always bring so much suffering? He drifted off to sleep with those thoughts in his head, and woke up restless.

The next morning Jake was almost done packing up all of his belongings and ready to go. He wondered if once he was settled into his new hiding place, he would find another pool where he could train undisturbed, so he set about identifying all the potential candidates. How he wished he could have told MC about this! As he scanned the pools and studied their surroundings it occurred to him that he could write her using a disposable phone before leaving. His hands began to shake at the mere thought of being able to write her again. Would she be happy to read it? Maybe she was angry with him. In their last conversation she had told him to at least let her know if he was alive as soon as he could. Before he could think about it too much longer, he stormed out of the room and headed for the first open store. Once he retrieved the disposable phone he went back to the spare hut and slipped into it with all his things. He turned on the phone and prepared it for use.

*??? is online*

Jake:Hello, MC.

Shortly after came the reply

*** MC is online ***

MC:Jake! Are you okay?

Jake:Yes MC, I'm fine. I apologize for not letting you hear from me again, it was too dangerous.

MC:That's okay, I'm so glad to read you now, I kept telling myself that you were definitely fine and that I shouldn't have written you, as promised

Jake felt his palms sweat.

Jake:You know, I've been going swimming lately. At night, on the sly. Your enthusiasm about it convinced me. You were so right MC, it can empty your mind. I wanted so hard to thank you for that.

MC:I went swimming recently too, at night, it kept me from going crazy. Maybe we swam at the same time

Jake: :)

Jake:And do you know where I was? The place you told me about. It was like I felt closer to you

MC squinted her eyes

MC:Jake... you don't mean that place with big windows almost to the ceiling,do you?

Jake:Yes, exactly that.

MC bursted in laugh and shaked her head in disbelief.

MC:And you didn't happen to meet someone? Like a really nice, kind girl who gave you lessons?

Jake felt his knees buckle and had to lean against the wall to keep from falling.

Jake:You...

Jake:Was that you?

Butterflies were spreading through his stomach.

MC:So you hugged me the other night! I was crying just for you, and you were there, this is crazy!

MC:Where are you now?

His eyes widened.

Jake:MC me, I was going to leave the town, last night I found intruders in my shelter, it's not safe for me to be here anymore.

For a time that seemed eternal to him there was no sign of life on the other end of the phone.

Jake:MC...

MC:Don't you dare

MC:Don't you dare leaving again. You've been staying here for days, and even allowed yourself to go out almost every night, and you never wrote me anything. Now that we might meet you're starting this again.

MC:We met by accident Jake! Does that seem normal to you???

MC:I'll be waiting there tonight, you better come

***MC is offline***

Jake stared at the phone bewildered. He was terrified. He couldn't believe he had hugged MC the night before. And she was crying, because of him. She was right, he couldn't leave again.

That night he went to the pool, almost running. He sneaked up on the hidden entrance, holding his breath, and went to sit on the steps where he usually rested his backpack. A short time later he saw her walk in and head towards him. It seemed to him that his heart was about to explode. He stood up and walked over to her. They both found themselves running to cover the final distance that separated them. They hugged each other tightly, and stayed that way, without speaking for who knows how long. Neither of them wanted to untie the embrace, as if to do so meant to lose themselves again.

At the end MC pulled back a little to look him in the eyes, and said, "I was beginning to think this moment would never come" "And instead we found each other without even knowing it" he replied chuckling. She blushed and rose on tiptoe to give him a light kiss on the lips.

"Shall we go for a swim?" she told him with a mischievous grin. "Sure. I've been taking lessons" he replied as he began to undress.

[yourmidnightlover]

showing you

Summary: spencer gets a bit insecure with his body but doesn't let reader know until she starts doubting herself. when she figures it out, she makes sure to show spencer just how much she loves him.

TW: spencer's tummy insecurities, blowjob, mommy kink, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, allusions to sub/dom dynamic i guess?

WC: 3,958

masterlist

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you weren't stupid. you had noticed the change in spencer's behavior. you just didn't really know what was causing it, is all.

after spencer began teaching at georgetown, he started closing himself off a bit. you had visited him while lecturing beforeand you saw how beloved he was, especially by his female students. first you thought about all of those young girls, but then you remembered how that's not the kind of man spencer was.

so now you were back to being confused.

he was more distant than he's been in the past. when you would go to bed and try to cuddle with him, he would just pull away and roll over to the other side. being so understanding, you would let him be, thinking he'd open up when he's ready.

when you would make the two of you dinner on a rare day off from the bureau, he would either barely eat any of it or he'd just go back to the room altogether.

when you both went out with the team he would mostly just remain in the booth. you could usually get him to dance with you a few times before you decided to call it a night, but you couldn't even do that.

and in the bedroom, he would mostly focus on you, which isn't a bad thing at all. it's just... different. you hadn't actually had sex with each other in around three weeks, something you didn't want to push on him because obviously... no. but you couldn't help but wonder why he didn't want to.

you had started thinking, and that could be a scary place for you sometimes. you started thinking maybe he wasn't attracted to you anymore.

it made sense in your mind. the way he wouldn't dance with you anymore, wouldn't sit down for a meal with you, didn't want to have sex anymore, everything. it was the only logical thing you could think of as to why his behavior started to change.

you could either mope around because he's been acting different or now you could rekindle that flame. so you came up with a plan.

"spencer?" you approached him after you got out of the shower, a towel wrapped snug around your torso.

"yea, sweetie?" he asked, looking up from the spot in his book.

"i was thinking..." you trailed off, "we have a couple days off from the bureau and it's been a while since we've had a date night," your aided your eyebrows suggestively.

"you want to have a date night?" he asked in return, sitting up in the bed to get a better look at you.

"mmhmm," you nodded your head enthusiastically as you drew your bottom lip between your teeth.

"how does tonight sound?" he smiled at your reaction. you nodded your head once more. "ok great! i'll make reservations at- y'know what? it'll be a surprise. dress nicely, alright?" he said with a devious grin.

"sir, yes, sir," you smiled, making your way to his side of the bed.

you placed your hands on the sides of his face as he looked up and down your towel clad body, a smirk on his face. you connected your lips gently, surprised when he kissed back as fervently as he did. his hands quickly found your waist, making you chest to chest.

"7:30?" he asked once more, earning a muffled 'mmhmmm' against his lips.

"i'm gonna start getting ready, alright?" you said as you ran your hand through his hair.

"mmkay," he mumbled, his thumbs stroking your sides before you slowly ripped yourself away from him.

since it was already 2 in the afternoon, you had a bit of cushion time to get ready. you decided to wear your natural hair, a feature spencer really liked about you. you also did your makeup pretty natural. you applied a little bit of concealer, powder, bronzer, blush, and mascara.

for clothes, you opted for a white bodycon dress that went mid thigh and had a tiny slit for cleavage.

when you were finally ready, it was just past 7. you stepped out of the bathroom after doing some finishing touches on your hair and stepping into some white pumps.

you made your way into your shared bedroom, slowly running your hand along the doorframe as you admired the view in front of you.

spencer stood in the mirror, attempting to straighten his tie, with a navy blue suit on. his undershirt was a lighter shade of blue, his shoes black. when he turned to face you, you could see his face turning several shades of rouge.

"you look great, spence," you smiled as you began to walk towards him.

"i-you-i um... you look beautiful," he replied, biting his bottom lip gently as you placed your hand on his chest.

"thank you," you hummed as you wrapped your other arm around his body, really just to pull him closer to you. "i love you," you said so softly it was nearly inaudible.

you had said the usual 'love you's' nearly every night you had together as well as in public when on cases. but saying 'i love you' is extremely different than saying 'love you'.

saying 'i love you' is giving your own love to another person. it's letting them have full reign over your heart no matter how they plan on using it. saying 'love you' is only giving them a portion of your love. you still have that restraint and construction that doesn't allow you to be as vulnerable as when you say the 'i'.

"love you too, sweet girl. always," he replied, placing a kiss atop your head as he snaked his arms around your torso. "when did you get this dress? i don't remember seeing it before," he asked, resting his chin on your head.

"last weekend when you didn't want to go out, the girls and i went shopping. it was on sale; 25% off. i thought it was a pretty good deal," you smugly mumbled against his chest.

"that's my girl," he chuckled before you released him from your grip. "ready to go?"

"yup. i'm just gonna get my purse and we can head out," you motioned towards the living room.

you would normally be the one to drive since he has his anxieties about the road and all, but since he made the place a surprise it was on him to get the both of you there on time. he rested one hand on your thigh as his other was used to steer. you placed your hand on top of his, interlacing your fingers.

you didn't understand what was wrong. maybe he was faking the whole 'normal spencer' act? he's not acting like he doesn't love you right now. he seemed pretty attracted to you earlier when you came into the bedroom. you just didn't understand. you needed answers, but you could get those later.

when you finally arrived, you recognized the restaurant from one of rossi's spiels about which places serve 'the most authentic italian food he's had besides himself, of course'.

"rossi would be proud, spence," you chuckled as he opened the door for you.

"i actually had him pull a few strings with the owner of this place, apparently they're old family friends?" he said, placing a hand on the small of your back as the two of you walked to the host. "two for spencer reid please," the host looked at the clipboard on the podium before looking back up and giving the two of you a smirk.

"right this way, please," he smiled at spencer who looked at you with his lips pressed together in anticipation.

you followed the man up a set of stairs before he opened a large door for the two of you. you walked out, arm intertwined with spencer's, and found you were on the rooftop of the restaurant.

there was greenery all around you, fairy lights adorning every surface to give an amazing ambiance that set the most romantic mood imaginable. there was a small wooden table in the center of the floor, lit by one candle. there was a single red rose, obviously there to signify a meaning.

"i think those strings are pretty well tied, spence," you chuckled he began leading you to the table.

"i'm glad you like it," he removed his arm from yours so he could pull a chair out for you, pushing it back in once ready.

"it's so beautiful. the rose is a nice touch, too. was that your idea or rossi's?" you chuckled as you picked up the red flower to smell it.

"mine, actually," he smiled widely. "i've realized how long it's been since we've gone out together, and i wanted to do something special for you," he said as he sat beside you, taking your hand in his.

"i feel special right now," you smiled, placing a small kiss to his hand and never wanting to let go.

the rest of dinner went smoothly. you didn't ask him about his behavior, you felt like that was something that should be done in private.

now that you had gotten back home, you kicked off your heels, being sure to put them on your shoe rack to avoid later havoc, and sat down on the couch.

"wine?" spencer asked as he made his way to the kitchen.

"oh, i'm alright. i had some with dinner, thank you," you smiled as you waited for him to return.

once he got back, he placed two cups of iced water down on the coffee table and sat beside you. you curled into his side instinctively, feeling his muscles tense from the contact. you pulled back, searching his face for any discomfort.

"spencer...?" you whispered in his direction.

"yea, sweet girl?" he whispered back, you took a deep breath.

"are-are we okay?" you mumbled, not bothering to look at him.

"what do you mean? of course we're okay. we're okay, right?" he asked, backing up from you so he could get a better look.

"yes! but..." you trailed off, trying to find the courage. "it's just that lately you've been kind of off. you haven't been cuddling with me," you motioned to the couch. "you haven't danced with me like you used to. tonight's the first time we've been out in nearly a month. you won't even have sex with me. and..." you took a deep breath, "you haven't said 'i love you' in a really long time."

there was a pause. a long one. it was longer than a plank minute. you weren't looking at spencer at all, avoiding his eye contact in pure fear, just waiting for his answer.

"i'm sorry," he replied.

just an i'm sorry. now you knew, you were done. he didn't love you. it was all a show. he just wanted to make up for the past few weeks tonight, give you one last amazing memory before he broke the tie.

he would leave you. wondering what you did wrong. wondering why he had to go. wondering why you weren't good enough. you felt the tears in your eyes well up.

"don't cry, sweetie. i'm not-i'm not, we're okay,"he corrected, his hands cupping your face and wiping your teary cheeks clean. "i was just apologizing for me. i've been..." he sighed. "i've been gaining weight," now he was the one whispering.

"weight?" you sniffled, your hands ghosting over his on your face.

"yea," he replied, dropping his hands. "i've just been a bit insecure about it. that's why when we would cuddle i'd move away, i didn't want you to catch on to the weight," he shrugged.

"and the dancing...?"

"basically the same reason."

"and the going out?"

"i didn't want you to realize that some of my pants don't... they don't fit anymore," he winced as if the reveal hurt him.

"and the sex? you're still...?" you asked for reassurance.

"are you kidding? of course i'm attracted to you. do you see yourself?" he huffed in disbelief. "i just didn't want you to see me. my stomach, or arms," he sighed once more

"spencer, honey," you scooted closer to him on the couch, placing a hand on his shoulder and face. "i love you. you. you and your genius mind. the most romantic dates you plan for me. i love the way you lick your lip when you concentrate. the way you rub your hands together when you're presenting the profile. i love the rants you go on about anything and everything. i love you, spencer. and for the weight, that's perfectly alright. i love all of you," you placed a sweet kiss on his lips.

"i'm sorry i didn't talk to you about it sooner," he whispered against your mouth.

"it's alright spence. i understand," you sighed as he began kissing down your jawline. "i love you so, so much. you have no idea."

"i think i have a bit of an idea," he hummed against your neck.

"how about i show you?" you gave him a sly grin, your hands wandering to his belt buckle to undo it.

"oh-o-okay," he gave a small smile to you as you finally undid his belt, pulling his pants and underwear down together. you gently grasped his length, planting a kiss at the tip and trailing them down his shaft. "pl-please, y/n."

"shhh, i've got you, baby boy," you quieted him.

you licked a long stripe along the prominent vein, making sure to keep your eyes on him as you did so. his eyes fluttered shut, rolling to the back of his head as your tongue got higher on his length. once you got to the top, you gradually took him in. you hollowed your cheeks and pressed your tongue on the underside of his cock.

"fuck, y/n," he moaned, his hands reaching for your hair but hesitating whilst waiting permission.

"go ahead, you can touch me," you pressed his hand to the top of your head. "today's all about you, sweet boy."

when you went back to your ministrations, you made sure to use your hand on the rest of his dick that wouldn't fit in your mouth. you bobbed your head up and down, mostly guided by spencer's hold on you.

going by spencer's pace, it was rather quick and steady. you felt tears prick the corners of your eyes. you were tempted to blink them away but you couldn't not watch him in his euphoric state.

his head was tilted back, not enough to make it impossible to see his face. his eyes were lidded as his mouth was slightly agape, his breathing becoming more and more unsteady the longer you went on.

"oh my god, can i cum, mommy?" he asked in a high pitched voice, you hummed around his length as you continued to bob your head. "really? i can cum?" you quickly took your head off of his length for the shortest of seconds.

"go ahead, cum for me," and you dropped your head back on his length.

"oh thank you," he sighed in relief and gratitude. "thank you, ohh fuck yes, mommy," he groaned as he came down your throat with more 'thank you's and 'oh my god's.

"are you alright, sweet boy?" you asked as you rose to your knees.

"i'm more than alright, y/n," he said as he gripped your waist, pulling you onto his lap. "god, i love you so much," he began kissing your jawline once more.

"really? i had no idea," you joked as you tilted your head for better access.

"how about i show you?" he asked, his hands trailing down to your hips.

"you know how much i would love that, but i want to focus on you tonight. is that alright, bunny?" you asked, your hand gripping his chin softly to make him face you.

you had called him bunny once you found out how much he liked it when you rode him. he loved watching the way your breasts would bounce as you plopped down on him, not to mention how good and deep he could get inside you.

because of how much he liked it, doing that was always a treat for him. when he was especially good for you, did really good on a case, or when it was a special occasion you would allow it.

"yes, ma'am. it's alright," he nodded best he could with your hold on his chin. "b-but i want to taste you so bad," he pleaded, giving you his best puppy dog eyes.

"really? you wanna taste me so bad, honey?" you asked, your hand trailing down to his jawline as he nodded eagerly. "mmm, since you're just so cute i guess i'll let you."

"really?" his eyes widened.

"yea, really," you smiled at his surprise. "let's go to the bedroom now," you said as you rose off his lap, knowing spencer wasn't far behind you on your walk to the room.

you sat down at the bed, your feet dangling over the edge. spencer made his way to his knees, sitting down in front of you and looking up at you with pleading eyes.

"go ahead, bunny. you have permission to touch me all night," you granted him, your hand going to his hair as he pushed your dress up to slip off your underwear, beginning to pepper kisses along your thighs slowly.

his tongue made one stripe along your folds, your head shooting back with a loud moan. large hands grasped your hips to keep you near his face, knowing you would be squirming away eventually, as he continued to lap up your arousal.

"you're such a good boy, spencer," you praised him, noticing the affect the compliment had on him as he became much eager. "just like that, right there, right there, YES!" you hollered as you tugged his hair to bring him closer to you.

spencer had always been one for praise. part of you wondered why, but the other part didn't even care because you loved praising him. you call him your good boy because that's what he is. he's your good boy.

part of him being your good boy was him always being able to send you over the edge so quickly, and only by using his mouth.

"ohhh fuck! yes, spencer," you gripped his hair by the roots, a groan leaving his mouth and sending you into oblivion.

you practically had to tear him off of you, he's such an overachiever. he had a wide smile on his face as you brought him up to kiss you before he had even wiped your juices off his face.

"lay back, bunny," you motioned to the headboard. "i'm gonna ride you tonight."

"really?" he asked yet again.

"yes, really," you nearly laughed out. "do you wanna take your shirt off or leave it on?" you asked as you crawled on top of him.

"i um, i can take it off," he nodded.

"want me to do it for you, sweetie?" you asked, your hands finding their way to his chest as he nodded his head slowly. "alright."

so you did just that. you undid every button on his shirt, kissing every inch of skin as it was revealed to you until it was all the way off.

"mmm, you're such a pretty boy, spencer," you traced kisses back up to his neck, nipping his jawline gently as you placed him at your entrance. "my pretty boy."

"yo-your's. i'm a- i'm all your's," he huffed out as you slowly sank down on his length. "oh my god... feels so good," he groaned as he took your breasts in both of his hands.

"yea? you like the way my pussy feels around your pretty dick, bunny?" you enticed, enjoying the way his dick twitched inside of you. "ohh you like it when mommy talks to you too, huh? you like it when i talk about how good, how deep you get inside of me. how much i love those pretty little moans coming from you right now," you groaned out, feeling yourself get closer with every bounce and roll of your hips.

"mo-mommy, please," he shrieked out. "oh feels so good, wet, tight," he moaned, his hips bucking up to meet your pace.

you placed your hands on his chest as you began moving your hips at a much more rapid pace, not missing the way his thrusts followed suit. he always was an eager little bunny.

normally, you'd get on to him for being such a greedy brat but since he'd been such a good boy for you all night you'd oblige and let him have his fun.

"keep going, sweet boy," you encouraged him. "i'm so close, spence. come inside of me," you demanded.

much like you riding him, him being able to come inside of you was a treat. it was a reward for good behavior, because that's what he loves the most. because if you thought he liked you riding him, he was absolutely feral when it comes to being able to come undone inside of your body, feeling that close and intimate with you.

"i-i'm gonna come," he whimpered. "oh my god i'm gonna come."

"go ahead, bunny. i want your cum all inside me, baby. let it out," you egged him on.

what gave it away wasn't just the shoot of cum that now covered your walls, but the beautiful moans and pants that came from spencer while doing so. the way his head tilted back more, his mouth became slightly more agape as his upper chest a brighter shade of red. absolutely beautiful.

the intenseness from his high spurred that of your own in return. your legs began to shake as he kept thrusting inside of you, not only to help you through your orgasm but to also fuck his back inside of you.

"good boy, spencer. such a good boy," you breathed out once you had fully come down from your high.

you rested your head on his chest for a moment, trying to catch your breath before finally getting off him. you grabbed his hands and led him to the bathroom to start a bath for the two of you.

you let him lay back against your chest as you played with his hair. he nearly fell asleep because of how soothing the bath salts were, those were his favorites during your aftercare routine.

after you both dried your bodies off, you made sure to dry his hair for him, something he's become rather accustomed to. he just loved you playing with his hair, in all reality.

laying back in bed, his head back on your chest, you still played with his hair.

"spencer?" you asked, continuing on when you heard the quiet hum from him. "you know how much i love you?" he nodded against your body. "good. because i want you to know that no matter what you look like, super thin or a bit filled out, i will always love you. and you can always come to me about that too. if you're feeling insecure or upset?"

"i know. i was just... embarrassed about it," he mumbled against your skin.

"i know, bunny. but i'll show you that there's nothing to be embarrassed about."

[dilucids]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤLove in cameras ━━ Genshin idol! au

newbie! idol!reader collaborating on a photoshoot together with idol! genshin characters

includes beidou, rosaria, childe, zhongli, diluc and xiao

( back on that idol au grind. also, the sheer amount of 'male reader' shit on this app that involves incest makes me genuinely tear up and take a shot everytime i say 'shot', you'd be drunk enough to hook up with zhongli dragon form. )

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 BEIDOU ━━ UNCROWNED QUEEN OF THE OCEAN 〕

━━ one of the most nerve-wrecking things ever because she's simply so intimidating and good at what she does.

━━ you're literally shaking in your seat as she takes her solo shots, watching her lean on one leg, placing the other by her side, stretching her arms all the whilst making eye contact with the camera.

━━ she just looks so professional and you're afraid you won't be able to live up to her and ruin the entire shoot since even though you're both idols, she's been in more magazines as a senior group compared to you.

━━ when you switch for your solo shots, she seems to sense how nervous you were ( although you weren't really hiding it much with your shaky knees and annoying tapping your foot. )

━━ she places a hand on your shoulder and gives you a smile and a thumbs up, telling you you'll be okay.

━━ you realise she wasn't as menacing and stoic as she was in magazines and slightly relax.

━━ helps you relax by offering support behind the camera!!!

You lean sideways a little, allowing the thin material to fall off your shoulder a little as you glance back at the camera, lips slightly apart. Your stoic facade is broken almost immediately when you hear Beidou hollering and clapping in the background. You begin to laugh in suprised shock as the staff around the set follow her example, the shuttering of cameras now longer heard as it is replaced with clapping and whooping.

You grow a little embarrassed, glancing over at Beidou for help but she seems proud, stood there with hands on her hips and a satisfied grin. You realise she isn't going to help you out so you attempt to calm the set down with thanks and bows until you're continuing with the shoot.

━━ beidou has a very large presence, so it's very hard to have magnetism next to her but you somehow make it work.

━━ compared to your solo shots, your duo shots have a pirate/knight theme.

━━ with beidou in a pirate getup and you in a knight getup, it was obvious to see that this was some type of old ancient rivalry between the two groups and you two were meant to potray that anger and tension.

━━ due to you being new to this type of scene, she'll take the lead, making sure that her pose allowed you to fit in perfectly, whether it be far away, close, a sword to her throat, you splayed on the floor and her leaning in with her sword next to your head. ( thank god that shot was meant to focus on beidou cause with her that close to you, you couldn't keep a straight face. )

━━ of course even with such a theme, fan service is everything! so some of the poses are a little more touchy touchy and if she can tell you're nervous, will immediately lighten the mood and assure you you're doing well.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 ROSARIA ━━ THORNING BENEVOLENCE 〕

━━ like beidou, will naturally exude professionalism and skill.

━━ unlike beidou though, she'll probably ignore your nervousness or bluntly tell you to toughen up if you want to make it, it sounds harsh but you know it's her own way of advice giving.

━━ her poses are less showy than beidou, more elegant and graceful as she rests her hands on her waist or cross her legs over each other over the arm of the chair and look back at the camera.

━━ will watch you, probably assessing your style, as you take your solo shots and if she notices your embarrassment ( she definitely does ), well she doesn't stop.

━━ will somehow converse with the photographer about poses she thinks will bring out your potential and it works, she has an eye for these things apparently and a lot of photographers like her style of modelling.

As you step back, allowing the staff to move props around, you glance back at the director of the shoot and Rosaria stood before the screen, showing off the photos. They seem to be deep in conversation, the only giveaway about the tense conversation however was the director's furrowed eyebrows and lips pressed into a tight line, Rosaria had no expression on her face.

The director seems to give up after Rosaria says something, pointing at the screen with her arms crossed, walking away with a shake of his head albeit the smile of being challenged. You immediately look away when she peers up at you, catching your eyes for a split second; you knew she had been shamelessly staring at you but it was quite embarrassing to be caught yourself.

"Here we go," snaps you out of your embarrassment and you're back to sitting on a black throne lined with gold, posing for the shoot.

━━ it's awkward before the camera is on you two as you stand on the set but once the camera is on? you two flow so perfectly together.

━━ rosaria would allow you to take the reins, allowing you to do what you felt was natural and would simply follow. ( another one of her ways of easing newbies into the modelling scene. )

━━ if your pose is a little awkward though, she'd quietly tell you to move certain ways and try not to overpower you ( but if you were overpowered, that'd be your own fault and you should try harder. that's her motto. )

━━ it actually surprises you how good she looked with a spear in hand and how well it suited her.

━━ it was kinda nerve-wracking to be working with rosaria but you absolutely loved it and would kill to work with her and have her guidance again ( deffo should ask for her number for future guidance!! )

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 CHILDE ━━ 11TH FATUI HARBINGER 〕

━━ looks professional on camera but is surprisingly childlike off camera.

━━ why is his little brother on the set wearing a pj mask costume again? right, he had to pick him up from school earlier than usual cause teucer said he was sick and wanted childe to come so he got use his older brother's reputation to get closer to that female teacher he liked. as for the pj mask costume, he wanted to fit in with the shoot theme so the poor stylists had to pull out some slightly too large, dusty halloween costume they found somewhere for him. great.

━━ other than that, childe is great at what he does, amazing at facial expressions like *whistles*, terrifyingly good at making the expressions asked of him. ( can cry on command actually (( learnt to entertain his younger siblings. )) ).

━━ you're intimidated by him at first but when you guys are taking a small break between his shoot and yours, you get to see him play around with his teucer and oh my god.

━━ he's literally carrying teucer above his head, teucer posed as superman with one arm sticking out and the other on his hip as he carefully runs throughout the set.

━━ when it's actually your turn, he will secretly hype you up with teucer.

"Pretty," Teucer mutters under his breath as prop flower petals are being thrown up as you pose under them. Childe smiles a little as he ruffles his younger brother's hair, "isn't my partner the prettiest?"

You're oblivious to these comments, focusing on the camera that was following your every move but your eyes glance over to the two brothers ever so often, finding their closeness rather endearing.

"They're prettier and nicer than your last partner," Teucer huffs, thinking of the previous collaboration he had attended with another celebrity, although she was a little too flirty with Childe for Teucer's liking. "Momma said you have to find a good person, big bro" Teucer reminds aa Childe smiles amused. "Are they a good person?" Childe thrusts his thumb over in your direction.

Teucer hums, thinking carefully with his chin in hand before nodding, beaming at Childe. "I'm sure they'll fit in nicely with everyone!" Your future had just been planned and you had no say in it at all.

━━ as for duo shots, it's another enemies theme but it's more of an assassination theme with childe holding a bow, perched on a higher stage than you.

━━ took ten minutes for childe to figure out how to look good with a bow in hand, with an eye scrunched up like he was actually aiming at you. ( of course he wouldn't have succeeded if not for teucer shouting advice at him off set with his hands on his hips. )

━━ he swears he almost feels the adrenaline of the scene as if his life was actually on the line when you shoot him a glare like directed.

━━ you two get on pretty well off set as well! you joke around as props are being moved around or make up is being fixed for either of you.

━━ you feel bad when you actually stab him with the fake sword, but he plays through with it, acting like he was dying.

━━ play fighting with teucer as an evil overlord ( still wearing his pj mask costume ) mind controlling childe's lover ( you ) into thinking he was the enemy ( teucer came up with the plot ).

━━ slipped his number into your pocket as you two were posing.

━━ teucer also got to keep his pj mask costume!!

━━ posts a picture of you messing around with teucer on his instagram.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 ZHONGLI ━━ VAGO MUNDO 〕

━━ probably the most professional out of them all.

━━ his poses are quite simplistic as he models the suit, hand in his pocket, fixing a cuff link, checking the time, simply casting his gaze to the side but he still holds a very large presence on set.

━━ would calmly converse with you as if you two had been friends for a long time, with a small smile on his face.

━━ if he can tell you're nervous, he'll tell you small anecdotes about anything and everything. when it's your turn, he give your shoulder a small squeeze and nod at you.

━━ talks to the director about poses as well, has a keen eye about what prop should be used and the positioning of them; you're suprised he isn't the director of the shoot.

━━ when you thank him for his help on the sidelines, he'll shake his head and tell you it was due to your talent and that he was only creating opportunities for them to naturally shine.

━━ was literally made for the camera, just the way he poses, the way he holds himself; god, it would've been a crime if this man had never been placed front page of a magazine.

You're entraced by the way he moves━━ subtle ways, like placing one foot ahead of the other, a hand in his pocket, looking down at the watch on his wrist. He's amazing. You could watch him for ages; he was like a sculpture made by the Gods, their most prized possession. What else could explain his sharp jawline, the bangs framing his face, his long hair pulled back into a low ponytail?

"You're staring," a staff member nudges you with a small smile, you snap out of it right away, slightly embarrassed at being caught. She laughs however, waving you off, "it's okay, we were all like that at first." You nod awkwardly, her words not helping at easing the embarrassment filling you.

You're talking with a staff member when he comes striding towards you, appearing behind you and scaring off the makeup artist with a mere smile and gracing you with a hand on your shoulder. "You're up next, good luck."

━━ mentally prepare yourself to be within a five metre radius of this man for the next hour or so.

━━ whether you're weak to pretty faces or not, i assure you, this man will honestly be the death of you if your guard is down even the littlest bit.

━━ the theme of this shoot? ceo/secretary and it does make sense━━ no it would make sense, if you were the secretary, not the ceo. but apparently fans like this type of power dynamic ( assuming you're shorter than him ) and so for the future of your careers you persevere.

━━ zhongli stood clad in a suit, next to you with his hands behind his back and you sat down at a desk, eyebrows furrowed like you're examining paper work or zhongli pouring you a cup of tea. you're pretty sure this is some odd dream at this point.

━━ you only persevere until zhongli has to pose as if he was fixing your tie.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 DILUC RAGNVINDR ━━ DARKNIGHT HERO 〕

━━ intimidating. intimidating. intimidating.

━━ did you wrong god in some type of way in your past life because being watched so openly as you pose for the camera for such a man, naturally exerting power, with eyebrows furrowed was one of the most terrifying things ever.

━━ his poses are similar to zhongli's but he puts a little more back into it, dignified aura as he crosses his leg, or one hand holding his hair up into a high pony as the other is near his mouth, using his teeth to pull the bobble off his wrist.

━━ also more open to differing hairstyles! unlike zhongli who only keeps his hair in a low ponytail, diluc can comprise with a low pony, high pony or even a messy bun.

━━ good balance of praise and constructive criticism; will tell you if you're doing good but will also tell you if you could improve in certain areas or even help with poses.

━━ diluc has amazing chemistry with everyone, he fits naturally into other people's style of modelling and can alter himself or his partner to fit if necessary, he also has a large presence on camera and sometimes accidentally overtakes when he gets too into the shoot.

"Calm down," you step back in reflex when you hear Diluc's voice just behind you, "your nervousness is plastered all over your face." You make a sound of acknowledgement and bow your head, "just take a few breaths and imagine you're at home in your mirror bathroom." It scared you that he knew infront of your mirror bathroom, you were the most confident but thanks to his help, you were able to ease yourself into modelling.

"You did well," he smiles at you when you come off the set, patting you on the shoulder. You smile back, "thanks to your advice," you redirect the compliment back at him. The short interaction ends when you two have to change into your couple costume.

━━ unintended sexual tension 👫

━━ was supposed to be casual poses, really easy ones with you two sat on steps with a respective cigarette in hand as friends but somehow,,,,, you two looked like y'all had fucked a second before hopping onto the set.

━━ so, the director took the inherent sexual tension and put it into use; changing just seeming like you were smoke buddies into poses where you two leaning into the same flame to light up your cigarettes. ( close ups of you two staring into each other's eyes over the flame! )

━━ kept lesser tension packed photos though and the one above^^ just as a small treat for the fans.

━━ he definitely posted a picture of you ( tagged ) behind the scenes on his instagram with no caption though.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 XIAO ━━ CONQUEROR OF DEMONS 〕

━━ more reserved, if he has a problem with the way you do things, doesn't say anything and just makes a certain expression with his face.

━━ his poses vary, he's able to adapt to each and every theme that's given to him and usually plays it safe with poses. he's usually modelling for makeup brands so he's very good with close ups, or hand and face poses; also is very used to working with many people but often never attempts to befriend.

━━ if you initiate conversation, he'll use dry replies or even attempt to leg it out of the conversation, only because he's a little shy or doesn't really understand social rules after a while, he'll given into your conversations and try to reply normally.

━━ i feel like he has mints with him no matter where he goes so expect a "do you want a mint?" halfway into your conversation.

━━ definitely is trusted with the music that plays in the background as you guys work. xiao is literally globally known for having one of the best music tastes and often makes songs hit the 'top 100' even if it's been out for years.

━━ it takes him a little while to get used to a new partner so give him a few test shots to get your vibe checked and he'll adapt!

You try hard to ignore the song in the background, but it's stuck in your head. Watching Xiao placing his fingers gingerly on his face as he peers to the side, the camera zooming into his face, you tap your foot along to the beat━━ you've never heard this song before but it really suited your tastes.

"Excuse me," you call out to a staff member who was walking past, he stops and nods at you, pulling down his headphones, "do you know what song this is?" He shakes his head however, leaving you with disappointment but not before he tells you that this was Xiao's Spotify playlist. You nod and thank you, immediately finding Xiao on Spotify to see all his different playlists for different moods.

You never understood why fans chose to listen to their idol's playlist because some of their music tastes was just trash but Xiao had genuinely good taste and it kinda suprised you.

━━ close proximity poses since you two are modelling for a makeup brand; some shots are just headshots with you two practically sat ontop of each other.

━━ some poses are torso shots, where you're both holding the product. there was a pose where you got to act as if you were applying eyeliner onto xiao's eyes and there was definitely a period of time when xiao couldn't stop blushing.

━━ he absentmindedly hums the song in the background as you two wait on set for the director to finish their conversation with the photographer.

━━ posts a picture of himself that you took whilst he was asleep and tagged you before the photoshoot was released so fans started speculating the weirdest shit and he never bothered to clear it up, just waited until the photos were released and hoped someone in his fandom was smart enough to connect dots.

[serodev]

𝐃𝐨𝐮𝐦𝐚 𝐱 𝐧𝐨𝐧-𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Warnings: Suggestive content, read at your own risk

Pairing: Douma x gn!reader

Note(s): Thank you for the ask! I'm not sure if you read the pinned post on my profile or not (or if you happened to use she/her pronouns on the reader by accident), but I'm not going to write fem!readers. I'll try to keep this as gender-neutral as possible though so that you can enjoy this!

Original ask: Hi! Best wishes on your page, would you like to write an angst/smut story about Douma? I'm a simp for this character, terrible..can't help it though.. Speaking instead of my request, I'd like to read where the reader is a well mannered person but doesn't believe in any god/hell/heaven, ran away from home finds herself at Douma's temple where he accepts her willingly.. Because of this non-belief she doesn't follow the rules of the cult and as much as Douma may like her presence he can't accept this grumpy/talk back side of ber and "punishes" her. If you don't feel like writing these topics don't worry dear, thank you anyway! ♡

The last thing you ever thought about when running away from home was to bump into this taller man, who gladly took you under his care. Of course, it was better than ending up on the streets or back home where you ran from in the first place, but it was still a somewhat weird coincidence that you happened to meet the man - Douma, almost immediately after you got to walking. It was easy to believe that you two were meant to be together. Douma didn't hesitate at all to give you a warm place where to sleep and eat, but the thing that caught your eye was the number of other women that he had apparently saved.

However, you ended up spending more time either by yourself or with Douma, who escorted you around his so-called temple for the first few days, which made you realize that this wasn't just any kind of safe place for women, but it also was a place where you had to pray for some made-up Gods. You tried your best to not care about it as you didn't believe in religious themes, but the amount of praying the other women had to do was ridiculous - It also didn't help at all that Douma wanted you to pray as well. You did your best to come up with different excuses here and there to skip through the prayers, and it seemed to work for a while, or at least you thought so. However, Douma wasn't stupid; He could see how uncomfortable you looked during the praying hours and how you always lied to skip your own prayers, but he let it slide for a while until he decided that enough was enough.

You were spending some time with two girls that you had happened to befriend during the small amount of time you've spent in the temple when Douma walked into the room. "Hello ladies~ I hope you don't mind me taking y/n for a while - I need to talk about few things with them." The taller man said to the two girls, who shook their heads in submission. It was clear that they weren't so sure about Douma taking you away, but they weren't stupid enough to put against him either. "Good, good. I promise that this won't take too long!" Douma promised as he set his other arm around your shoulders, forcing you to walk right next to him until you two were alone in another room.

When you got there, Douma's presence changed totally. He was warm and even welcoming before, but currently, he could probably choke you just by looking at you. "I'm sure that you know why you're here, pet." He said, using the pet name you've learned to hate, and he sat down onto a big and plush pillow that was in the room. "No, I don't think I do." You answered stubbornly. You were scared, that was for sure, but you didn't want Douma to see it and use it to his advantage, so you tried your best to hide your true feelings even if it meant that you had to act differently.

However, Douma could see right through you, and he ended up smiling sweetly as he looked you into the eyes. "I'm not that scary, y/n. You should know by now that I saved you from living on the streets because I liked you. You're pretty as well. It would be a shame if I would do something to ruin that." He said, and it did make you blush a bit. Nobody had ever really paid attention to you like this before, so you ate up every little compliment that you could get, no matter who it was from.

This made Douma smile even more, and he patted his thigh, signaling you to come and sit either on it or right next to him. "I know, I know. Praying is hard when you're not a believer, but I'm doing this for your best." He started to talk while petting your hair, which in response made you relax a bit, but the thing he said next made you freeze up a bit: "However, I do need to punish you for that."

"But... I haven't caused any trouble." You tried to explain while looking at him, but the only response you got was a slight head tilt and an even sweeter smile. "Douma... Please don't punish me." You tried your best to beg, but it ended up falling on deaf ears. "Sorry, pet. I need to do this so that you don't possibly act out in the future." He explained, and he made you lay on his lap. You ended up letting out a little and a scared noise, but Douma shushed you quietly as he rested his other arm on your lower back. "That's good. Stay put and take your punishment like a good pet." He whispered as he stripped you down enough so that your bottom was out in the open. When it was done, he kneaded your ass a bit before raising his hand up. "Now, please count for me."

Author's note: Thank you for reading this drabble! It was a bit more experimental, so I hope that I did a good job on it. My inbox and requests are open, so feel free to send me an ask!

[octopus-reactivated]

Werner - time to wake up

Thank you all for the patience! I am so excited to show this to you :]

Tw/cw: Pet whump, kidnapped, gaslighting, starving, shock collar, (tell me if i missed anything)

__________

The floor, the walls - everything was white. There weren't any windows and only one door and a lamp filled the void. He remembered the accident, the fake rescue group. What was that? Did they want money? Or maybe… wait. There was something around his neck. Werner touched it and felt his blood turning cold. It was a collar. On the one side there was a box… was it one of these fancy shocking ones? It was bad, really bad…

He KNEW that was happening, he heard stories, but never he suspected it would happen to him. In hindsight it was stupid… but there is no use to beat himself over it now. It’s time to look for an escape. First: Were there any cameras spying on him? Second: can he take off the shock collar? And how will he avoid guards, run away and find some civilization? Will someone believe him? He was called a conspiracy theorist, before he even got a serial number on his collar. Damn. What to do, what to do, what to-

Something clicked and doors opened.

“Obiekt number 125-454-739, session number 12.“ Someone walked in. A… Trainer? “Obiect, repeat the rules to me” He looked at Werner

“Wow you really… you didn’t even bother to act like i’m new. That’s a really smart of you scums” he stood up. He knew he got a shock collar on him. He knew what would happen and that this would be painful. He knew he would get broken, eventually. So if he could tell them what he thought, just tins once…

“And here we got breaking rule number 2. I thought you were better than this, Pet” Trainer said. “Get on knees”

“Your thoughts are wrong about many-” Werner started when the shock came across his body. That was worse than what he imagined. It ran through his spine, his muscles and soon he was trembling on the floor.

“Let’s start over. Repeat your rules to me” Trainer said calmly, and the shock stopped. Werner panted heavily. He looked up at the man's face. How could you torture person and be co calm? There wasn’t sign or remorse, but it wasn’t the sadistics enjoyment of torturing others, either. Just… just calmness. Like he didn’t care at all. Werner hated it.

“Okay, okay!” He shouted in pain “I can repeat them! Just stop!”

Trainer stopped the electricity flow

“Well then, what are your rules?”

“I… I don't know?” Werner said “I’m new after al-”

And then he was again, on the floor, curling in the pain.

“Ah! stop, stop, please!” he shouted. It didn’t work.

“There… there was something about kneeling, right?” he said desperately, trying to remember what he picked up in his earlier life. The shocks didn’t end, but they became more bearable? “And the furniture is off-limits, right?”

“Pathetic little thing” Trainer crouched next to him. “Just the two of them, and not even in correct order”

“Oh, well, maybe Pet life is not for me after all-” He smiled and immediately felt the slap on his face

“Well then I guess you don’t need the food today. I will be back tomorrow. You better remember all your rules by then”

__________

He sat, back resting on the wall. The stories were true after all. He should have prepared himself better. He vaguely remembered he once wrote he didn’t and won’t consent to become Pet, but, well, it was apparently not enough.

He had to survive it somehow.

He probably won’t be able to get out, even from his cell. And who knows what waits outside, or how to find exit. It will be better to wait til he got transferred to the shop or Owner… he still had trouble believing it was his reality now. Yet, denial won't change anything, so he decided to skip phases of grief and go straight up to the last one: scheming.

As much as he wanted to believe that he won’t be like others, and won’t break, he knew those were professionals, dealing with people stronger than he. They probably knew every trick he could pull off. If he wanted to survive he had to give them what they wanted. He had to become broken.

But won’t they suspect something if he will start acting all nice and obedient now?

They must believe they’re in control, that he was just another case, like they deal every other time. Defiant in the beginning, then slowly shaped into the way they liked. But he will be the one dictating how it will happen, and he will be the only one controlling how he will break.

__________

Taglist: @heathenwhump @myst-in-the-mirror @kim-poce @whumpering-heights (sorry if missed anyone) (or tagged someone who didn't want to be tagged)

[all-about-seggs]

Ardent Affections :

Pairing : Timeskip + Virgin! Sakusa Kiyoomi x Female reader

Rating : 18+, Explicit

Word count : 3k

Warnings : Smut and fluff (and holy shit I ended up including a bit of angst) , Loss of virginity, blow job, fingering, vaginal sex, established relationships.

A/n: I prefer dirtier side of Smuts but this was as far as I could go with Saku sooooo I hope my fluffy smut isn't cringey >.<.

Putting the plum filled onigiri in the clean plastic container, you give it another look over to make sure it's tidy enough, afterall, the person you made this for was nothing if not picky. But, you also knew he loved umeboshi, so after a few successful weeks of your relationship with Sakusa, you went ahead and bought more than enough dried plums to practice making something he won't be able to refuse. It didn't take long to reach the gym he was practicing at, with lunch time approaching, he'd be on his break too, giving you the perfect chance to have some alone time.

One would think, that no boyfriend would refuse their significant other's cooking but falling in love with him as well as dating him made you realise it wasn't the status quo. He was, at the very least, peculiar. Always on his own, Sakusa never felt the need to be involved with a lot of people, ironical as it may be for someone who played a team sport, his idiosyncrasies made it hard for most people to get close to him. That's why the sight of a cluster of high shool girls flocking your boyfriend, to give him their handmade goods was comical yet unsettling.

It wasn't something you got jealous at, but it's something that made you second guess yourself instead, whenever the thought of making him something pooped in your head, this same scene played infront of your eyes. Sakusa surrounded by a bunch of girls with heart eyes, wanting to give him stuff. On the verge of losing his polite demeanor, Sakusa almost gave them a taste of his blunt indifference if it weren't for some faculty member intervening. Today was the same.

With the perfect excuse, he pulled himself away from the group and sauntered towards you, eye twitching with a look that screamed ' I saw you having fun on my expense'. You quickly pulled yourself out of the gloomy thoughts and greeted him with your regular smile.

" I didn't wanted to disturb your fan meet", the cheeky tone in your voice added to his annoyance.

" I assure you that you didn't, besides you know I don't like hand made stuff ", he grumbled, voice carrying the regular icky note you were used to but it caused the dull ache in your heart grew. Before you could answer, you saw Bokuto running towards your direction, making you jump with his boisterous greeting,

" HEY! Y/n chan!... Are you gonna join us for lunch as well ?", The look in his face was as cute as his voice which was cutoff by Sakusa's cold one,

" No. I don't like the places you go to eat. Also, I'm done for today so we have no reason to stay.", Curt and to the point, Sakusa answered him and gestured you with his eyes to follow him instead.

" Geez, it's like he can never let loose!, Y/n chan! You should ask him to open up more!", pouting, the energetic male glared at Sakusa's retreating form.

"Ummm, Sorry Bokuto! He still doesn't know how to..... People? I guess? But he's trying! I know he is! So don't worry... We'll catch up with you guys sometime else okay?", With a slight bow, you trailed after your boyfriend, leaving a deflated Bokuto behind.

As you walked behind him, you thought about the first time the both of you met, he didn't even looked at you properly before leaving just like he was right now, about how you had to put your feelings out in the open first so that he'd finally notice them, how, for the last few days your garbage can only had dozens of messed up onigiri, and how the lunch you packed was getting colder by the minute as it layed still in your bag.

You were lost in thought for the rest of the way, he wasn't one to talk much but your constant silence was not something that often happened. Still not being used to initiating small talks, all he could do was gaze at the dazed look on your face.

The two of you made your way back to his apartment that the sports facility provided the players. You had been here a couple of times before but never long enough to actually call it 'staying over'.

" Why are we at your place?", You quietly ask, making him pause before speaking.

" I did say I was done with practice for the day", opening the front door he ushered you in. It was unsurprisingly neat, the entrance not having any useless items, infact everything in his place had a purpose or use.

It was a big step, him letting anyone in his personal space, considering his high maintenance personality you thought he'd dip you in a bucket of sanitizer everyday but he was a lot more chill when you both take your respective baths. He still goes in first.

The moment you stepped outside the bathroom, you saw a nervous looking Sakusa was sitting on the edge of his bed.

" Did you really wanted to have lunch with those guys?", His abrupt question caught you off guard, so apparently he took your silencein the wrong way, but it still warmed your heart to know he noticed and cared enough to talk about it, albeit clumsily.

" Is that why you think I was quite on our way here?", The reply you gave made him avert his eyes, whether it was out of embarrassment or the awkwardness in the room, it didn't change the fact that your sudden change in behaviour was noted by your boyfriend.

" If you have something to say, then I want you to tell me, I'm afraid I won't know otherwise", Sakusa added, finally looking at you with his deadpan yet sharp look.

He was right, every couple needs to have proper communication in order for their relationship to succeed, so with that in mind you decided to tell him about what's bothering you.

Walking over to his side, you sat next to him,

" I made you lunch today, but when I saw you rejecting your fans gifts saying you don't like handmade stuff, it- bothered me.", Your reasoning might've been a little selfish, it's not like you wanted to force anything on him just because you were his girlfriend but the fear of getting rejected always made you hold back on so many things.

" So I didn't give it to you, and then I just started having a trail of depressing thoughts about how maybe I'm the only one who wants anything from this relationship, I mean we haven't even done anything more than kissing Kiyoomi.", To you, this confession was nothing more than the frustrations you've built up. He was silently listening as you went on, not interrupting until you were done.

" I see....", His soft baritone was laced I'm regret as he brought his hands to you head, gently combing the strands, " I'm sorry, I made you feel that way, it's obvious that both of us need to work on our communication skills but there is one thing you got wrong", saying that, his hand combing you hair pushed you forward until you were right in front of his glossy lips,

" It should go without saying that I wouldn't let you in here if I didn't loved you, and you wouldn't be in this bed either if I didn't wanted you.", By the end of his sentence, his hot mouth covered your in a demonically passionate kiss which was all teeth and tongue. It was probably your longest kiss as well, making you grip his shoulders so hard it would've probably left marks if it weren't for his taut musculature. You pressed you hands on his sculpted chest, feeling his nipples harden as you slowly run you thumbs over them. Sakusa pulled away from you to catch a few breaths, his lips shining with your mixed saliva.

" I've never done this before......", hesitation crossed his eyes which soon melted into a look of determination as he brought his face near yours.

"But if it's with you, I know I'll like it", he panted, pulling you on his lap to continue his ministrations from a more closer proximity. The uncharacteristically deep kiss encouraged your hands to roam around more, to feel all of his ripped form through the fabric of his thin shirt. Your hand grazed his crotch, this contact alone was enough to make him twitch, his virginity showing, the blush on his cheeks spreaded all the way to his neck.

The front of his shorts looked so strained,It was painfully clear how much his cock was begging for attention, so you pushed Sakusa back until he was lying flat on the bed, feet still on the floor. Searching his eyes for any objections, you pulled his waistband down to reveal his bulging member. It suited a big guy like him, his thick cock felt so hot and heavy in you hand it took everything in you to stop yourself from jumping on it right away.

" Hggg... Wait... It's-", his voiced carried more embarrassment than discomfort but you stopped nonetheless.

" Dirty?.....is that what you want to say?", questioningly, you looked at him from between his legs as he nodded.

" Well sex is better dirty but, I'll try not to make a mess okay?", With a wink you grabbed his shaft with one hand and took his tip in your mouth. The warm, wet insides of your mouth touching the sensitive head of his cock made him shudder in pleasure but he didn't make more than a hum. Maybe your boyfriend was still embarrassed but now that you finally get to go down on him, you made it a personal goal to hear his moans.

Detemined to hear his beautiful whimpers, you added pressure on his member through your tongue as you moved your lips up and down, swallowing him as much as you could. Droll dripping from the side of your mouth and his precum gave you enough lubrication to increase you pace, going harder and harder until you felt your teeth make contact with his sensitive shaft, that must've hurt, you thought but atleast it got a reaction out of him.

" AH-.....mmmhh Y/n damnit.....you're doing it too roughly", you heard him complain from above you,

" I just rough housed you a little..... Anyway, you can't blame a girl who's been abstaining herself from fucking her hot boyfriend ", with a pop you pulled him out of your mouth and looked up at the wide eyed Sakusa with an uncharacteristic boldness that even surprised you. Maybe it was because of the situation or because you two had a heart to heart conversation about your feelings just now but you felt oddly comfortable with him more than you ever did before. You knew he loved you enough to put up with anything you'd throw at him at his point, so why not push your luck?

"......well aren't you a vulgar little girl", regaining his composure, Sakusa propped himself on his elbows to give you his trademark deadpan look. You squeeze his balls teasingly in an attempt to rile him up further, his face contorts a little before he shoots you a glare.

" I'm going to make you regret that", with nothing more than a growl he grabbed your hand to make lie face down beside him, for a second you thought he'd spank you, but the moment you raised you head from the mattress to see what's going on, a big hand was on your head pushing your face down again, his other hand ghosting over the hem of your t-shirt.

" It's my turn now, so you better behave", emphasizing the behave he first pulled your shirt off of your shoulders, then swiftly getting rid of your pants. This was an interesting turn of event, just a moment ago your virgin boyfriend was squirming like a pathetic little boy but with just a little teasing made him switch into daddy mode, you'd be lying if you said it wasn't thrilling.

You laid there stark naked as you heard a few rustling sounds coming from behind, indicating Sakusa taking his cloths off. His long, deft fingers grabbed your hips, raising them a slightly off the surface of the mattress, the digits of his right hand crept near your dripping core as if wondering if he should touch you or not, you moved your hips closer so you could feel his touch but he retreated his hand, only to pinch one of your butt cheek. The tease.

" If you're expecting me to eat you out too then keep dreaming..... but since I made you wait so long, I'll give you something else today", his matter of fact tone was even as he traced two long fingers up your slit taking in all of your juices, he pushed them inside your aching pussy. His thick digits rubbing your walls made you moan in the pillow, with his thumb he started rubbing your engorged clit. His actions were not exactly gentle but you didn't wanted them to be either, you wanted him to pound you into the mattress so bad but maybe it was asking too much from someone inexperienced.

" You like this right?", It wasn't exactly a question, as his increased his speed, with his free hand he pinched your ass again leaving small red marks in the fleshy patch of skin. Your first orgasm in so many weeks approached you with an intense force, making you buck you hips in Sakusa's hand. Just as your pussy started clenching around the fingers that was inside it, he withdrew his hand leaving you with a strange sense of emptiness.

" Not so fast y/n, it's more efficient it we cum together, besides I know you want more than just my fingers", his voice carrying the cockiness of someone far more experienced but you can't complain, for both his actions and words were easily bringing you closer to the edge. Ignoring the stickiness of his fingers he lightly massaged your butt cheeks before kneeling right behind them. The sight of your flushed, naked body was enough to get him going, something that he dare not admit.

From the corner of your eye, you saw him opening his bedside drawer to retrieve a condom. Well, atleast one of you were prepared for this, just as he finished putting on the thin protection, he asked you,

" I'm putting it in y/n", he didn't make it sound like a question but it wasn't until you nodded in approval, that he moved. Groaning lightly, Sakusa entered you inch by inch, making the process as slow as possible so could clearly feel the delicious stretch his thick cock provided. You were already panting by the time he bottomed out in you, as he started moving his hips you rolled yours to match his pace, creating a steady rhythm.

Both your pants and body were in sync, building up pleasure that soon reached its peak, the roll of your hips and the sound of his name from your mouth urged him to take a hold of your hips and drive his pulsating member further into your cunt. He felt your walls clenching around him when your body experienced the well awaited orgasm, quivering beneath him like. The sudden pressure added on to his cock made your boyfriend follow right after. The both of you were still riding your high when he lowered his torso on to your back, sweat slicked bodies on top of each other, you wondered what kind of face he would be making right about now. Hoping it wasn't one of disgust, you turned your face to the side, his endearing curls tickling your ears as he kept his nose buried in the nape of your neck.

There was a serene quality to the room where the two of you laid still until Sakusa got up abruptly, you knew that it was bath time even before he uttered anything.

" Let's eat", his soft voice seemed almost like a whisper which was confusing and astonishing at the same time when he tossed one towel to you and quickly wiped himself with the other.

Making quick work of the cleaning, you both went to the living room where you pulled out the bento box from your bag. It felt cold against your hand but this time it didn't make you sad because now you were sure that the person next to you wouldn't reject it.

Opening the box, you noticed they got a little crushed, probably because of you tossing your bag aside dejectedly when you first arrived, the previously well made onigiri lost their original shape but you hoped they tasted the same.

Gingerly showing him the box you thought about quickly explaining it's condition and telling him about how you made it in the most hygienic way possible for a human but the words died in your mouth when Sakusa briskly took one piece out and munched on the distorted rice ball. You watched him chew, waiting became too nerve-racking so you blurted, " How is it Kiyoomi?!", Talk about putting pressure on a guy but it didn't deter him from telling you the truth.

" It's good", the simple reply he gave was the best, you thought, his words were never grandiose, just to the point that's what made you believe them everytime he decides to be honest with you.

"Next time...", He mumbled in between his increasing breaths and tinted cheeks,"Lets make it together".

[quinncupine]

Obscured Chapter Eleven: Black Ties and Loose Ends

Chapter Word Count: 7,290

Relationship: Izuku Midoriya X Reader

Previous Chapter: Ten

Next Chapter: Twelve

MASTERLIST

Warnings: Angst, mentions of injuries

Notes: So sorry this took a very long time to get out, but I do hope you enjoy it! 

It was nearing late afternoon. The sky an orange haze with thin streaks of clouds that seemed stagnant from your position on the couch. The house was silent, aside from the dull noise of the television on the wall playing the pre-show of the gala. You had tuned it out a while ago. It was the same thing every year; two hosts talking and playing games with the fans who were hoping to meet their heroes. The only thing you could even remotely focus on was trying to figure out the right words to convince your husband to stay home, but Izuku was a stubborn man.

Said man stepped into the living room, messing with his crooked and all too stubby dress tie. A small scowl on his face as he tried to fix it, but only seemed to shorten it more. When he looked up and saw you tucked into the corner of the couch glaring daggers out the window, he forgot all about the tie.

"Y/N," he said softly, feet rooted to the spot on the other side of the room. "I have to do this."

"You always have to do things," you grumbled, tucking your legs in closer, refusing to look at him. "But not when you're supposed to be on bed rest for at least the next week. You're such a hypocrite." That last part came out mumbled, but he still caught it.

"I've been through worse before. I was trained for this. I'll be fine."

Rolling your eyes, you finally turned your steely gaze on him. "You say that every time and then you land yourself right back into a hospital bed."

"But I've always turned out fine in the end."

"That's not a philosophy you should be living by Izuku!" you grabbed your head "You're just as human as the rest of us and you can die just as easily."

"Y/N-"

"I'm worried about you, you idiot!" You jumped to your feet, raising your voice. "Can't you see that? Why do you always have to run off and go play hero even if that means you won't come back to me!"

He stood there, a slight frown on his face, but he didn't look like he was giving in any time soon. "I have to-"

"Why?" you finally screamed at him. "Why do you have to go!"

"Because I have to make it right!" he yelled back, then shrunk in on himself, lowering his voice. "I have to fix this. It's my responsibility." His head dropped. "It's my fault."

It wouldn't matter how many times you told him it wasn't. His entire personality is based on that insecurity of never being enough and words can only do so much. His body wasn't the only thing injured this time.

Your gaze drifted down to his tie and you couldn't help but roll your eyes. "How is it that you can save hundreds of lives every day and yet you still can't tie a tie properly?" With a sigh, you walked over to him. There was a bit of hesitance before you reached out to grab the stub of a tie. "Honestly Izuku, you're an enigma."

He held his breath as you untied the tie, body stiff and so unfamiliar to your touch. The Izuku you knew, at least the one you knew before the attack, couldn't get enough affection from you. Now he shied away from even being near you. You knew why. You had the same reservations, but this was your husband. The man you trusted and you had to show him that. You had to show yourself that.

"I don't save that many people," he murmured, staring at your hands, "and what's wrong with my tie?"

"What's wrong with it?" you tugged the fabric up to tickle his nose. "It's a stub. Honestly, I think you just refuse to learn how to do it properly."

"It looks better when you do it." He whispered, still staring at your hands.

With nimble fingers from years of practice, you pulled the tie through the first loop. "Well, I suppose it's a good thing I'm still here then." You didn't mean to imply anything by it, but the way his eyes darted to his shoes, he obviously put meaning into the words.

"Sorry." It was a word you were getting quite sick of hearing lately.

Pausing on the second loop, you peeked up at him. "This plan of yours...it'll work, right?" He refused to look at you so you sinched the knot up to his neck forcing him to stumble closer with a slight wince. "You're nowhere near healed enough to be doing anything dangerous. This Ikari woman is getting under your skin. Making you reckless...well, more reckless than usual. I don't like it."

"I'm sorry Y/N, but-"

"Ugh," you pushed him away, "just stop with the sorry's already. I don't want apologies. I just want you to be safe."

"Y/N", he held up his palms, "I'm-"

"I swear to god, if you say sorry one more time," you threatened, pinching the bridge of your nose.

He deflated, a hand running through his gelled hair. When he opened his mouth to say something, he stopped and instead turned away, rubbing his face. The two of you hadn't been able to finish a single conversation since you came back home. Luckily, Inko had gone to stay with the retired pro Aizawa for the evening, to return a favor he owed Izuku. There was already enough tension in this house as it was, adding a third person would only make it worse.

The doorbell rang, cutting into the thick silence permeating the room. It irritated you that even the doorbell could make you flinch now. Everything seemed to startle you nowadays and you were hating it. Izuku used the interruption to escape the room and came back a few moments later with a casually dressed Shinso in tow.

Since you weren't going to the gala, you wanted to talk with your boss. Nazim, your friend who worked with you at the hospital, had texted a heads-up earlier. Apparently, there was talk of Haru replacing you after the whole 'teleporting your near-dead husband in the E.R.' fiasco. There was no way you could just sit at home and worry in front of the television all night anyway. This provided a productive distraction, even if you dreaded the talk with your boss.

Shinso had volunteered to accompany you to the hospital since he loathed going to things like galas, or really anywhere with a lot of focused attention. You didn't mind either because you liked Shinso. He was quiet and respectable. Plus having someone with you gave you some comfort.

Thank you, Shinso," Izuku said, grabbing the underground hero's shoulder as they walked in. "I really appreciate it."

He shrugged. "It's fine. I never liked going to those things anyway." Then he waved at you. "Hey, Y/N. No fancy dresses tonight?"

"Think it'll make my boss more lenient?" you joked with a half-smile.

"Eh, you'll be fine. The bark is worse than the bite, right?" he smirked, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"You clearly haven't met my boss," you muttered, searching for your purse.

Izuku glanced at his watch. "I've got to get going," he finally looked at you, "you have your phone, right?"

"Yeah, I got everything I need," slinging the bag over your shoulder, you grabbed his arm, "you?"

That single touch seemed to send him spiraling again. He froze, staring at your hand as if it would shatter with a single breath. With a nod, he stepped back and let your arm slip off him.

Frowning, you turned to Shinso. "Can I have a minute?"

"Uh, yeah." It was easy to sense the awkward tension in the room, so he excused himself rather quickly. "I'll just be outside."

When Shinso closed the door behind him, you crossed your arms, willing his eyes to meet yours. "Izuku, look at me." After some reluctance, he finally looked up. "I know things are...messy right now, but I need to know you have a clear head tonight." Stepping just a bit closer, you held out your hand. "I know you. I know you're feeling horrible right now and if I could fix everything, I would. But that's not how the world works, we both know that. I'm not upset with you Izuku," you sighed, dropping your head. "When this is over, we definitely have some things to talk about, but right now, I need to know you'll be okay tonight."

A stray tear fell from one of his eyes as he lightly grabbed the offered hand. "How can you forgive me? You should be furious with me."

"Do you want me to be?" you cocked your head, "is that it?"

He went back to staring at your hand, his grip tightening ever so slightly. "No, but...but you should. If they didn't stop me then-"

"Izuku, thinking that way is only going to dig a deeper hole." Grabbing the lapels on his jacket, you pulled him close. "You are a hero and a damn good one. Please just..." the lump in your throat blocked the words so you rested your head on his chest instead. Through his vest, you could feel the thin material of the bandages wrapped tightly around his chest.

That unfamiliar tenseness came back. You'd been together for so long that being around each other was easy, but this was unlike any Izuku you knew. When you had first started dating, he was a cute awkward mess that smiled and laughed because he didn't know what else to do around you. But this...this was an entirely different kind of anxiety. He felt like a stranger and that in itself made you upset.

"I hate this," it was all but a whisper.

"I know, but I have to go-"

"No, that's not what I mean," you twisted your head up to stare at him. "This. I hate this."

"This?" Those giant foresty eyes fell into your own and you could practically hear what he was thinking. 'Me?'

I just-" trying to voice your thoughts was a lot harder than you realized. Mainly because you were still trying to figure them all out. "Once this is over, I want things to go back to normal, but I...I don't think they can."

His fingers rested on either arm, gently digging into the fabric of your sweater. That was the closest he's come to holding you since you left the hospital. He looked so lost, so unsure and it killed you inside. There was a small moment of silence that beat in your ears until he finally nodded, closing his eyes.

"After tonight, whatever you decide," there was a slight warble to his voice, "I'll...support you."

A small hum and you leaned into him before the words clicked in your mind. "Wait, hold on," you pulled back, holding him at arm's length, "that sounds like you think I want to leave. Is that what you think?"

He stared at his shoes, not daring to look at you.

"Or is it the other way around?" Frowning, you shook his arms "Izuku, look at me."

Taking a deep breath, he wrapped his arms across his chest, carefully aware of how much pain even that motion cost him. "If you would've...died, I don't think I can even handle the thought of that. I knew this life was dangerous and I was fine with that, but then you came into the picture and turned everything on its head. You made me realize that there's more to life than just being a hero," a shaky exhale and he continued, "I thought I could handle both. I thought... well, I thought a lot of things that I clearly can't do." He backed away, shaking his head. "I love you more than anything, but if being here with me means you get hurt, then..." those wide eyes of his were desperately searching for some kind of confirmation, but you refused to give it to him.

"Look here," you marched over and poked his chest, "I appreciate the fact that you want to protect me, but I'm a grown woman. I make my own decisions. Not you, or anyone else who thinks they can decide what's best for me." He opened his mouth to say something, but you just held up a hand. "Maybe I hit you in the head too hard, or maybe I didn't hit you hard enough, but you're acting like an idiot. If you think I'm going anywhere, then let me tell you, you've got another thing coming."

Another moment of silence searching your face before a breathy laugh blew past his lips. "Stubborn as always."

"Oh, so I'm the stubborn one?" Jutting out your hip, you crossed your arms and glared at him. "So says the most stubborn man alive."

Finally, a tiny smile took up residence on his face. "Alright, fine. I suppose we can both be a little stubborn sometimes." His fingers delicately reached up to tuck a stray hair behind your ear and lingered there. His hand no longer taut with so much anxiety. "You're amazing."

"Okay, don't go gettin' all sappy when you got a job to do," you said, yet you leaned into his touch. "Besides, you have to go meet up with your date."

Another successful chuckle, "Jealous?"

"You wish," finally pulling away, you picked up your bag and winked at him. "I've already got myself a hot date tonight."

Heading to the door, you left Izuku standing in the living room, eyes wide. "You're just messing with me, right?" He followed after you. "I mean, you don't think he's-"

When you reached the door, you glanced back at him. "What? Jealous?" you fired back and watched as his face flushed red. "I guess you'll have to find out after you come back home in one piece." A brief moment of hesitation before you grabbed his shoulder and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek. "And you better come back home in one piece."

He blinked when you pulled away. Before he could say anything else, you opened the door and greeted Shinso who was leaning against the porch railing.

"Yo," he waved, somehow looking even more tired.

"I know you're Mr. Badass, but those injuries aren't fully healed. I'm gonna say this again in case you didn't understand the first hundred times; you're going against all my medical advice," you said to Izuku as the three of you walked down the porch. "So just please don't do anything too reckless, okay?"

"I know and I'm sor-" you shot him a warning glare and he coughed out the last part, rubbing the back of his head. "I won't be reckless."

That earned a quiet chuckle from Shinso who opened the car door for you.

"Good," you tossed the purse into the seat, "let's see if you can actually hold up that end of the bargain this time. And if not, here." You slipped a small pouch in the pocket just inside his vest. "It's only if you pull your stitches so try not to pull them in the first place."

"Thank you," he patted the pocket and glanced at Shinso who had gotten into the driver's side. "If you need anything, call me. You'll know where I'll be."

"Likewise," patting his cheek, you gave him another gentle kiss. "Love you."

That smile never ceased to exist every time you kissed him. Even now after everything, it still shined through his nervous exterior. Some things never change. Seeing that brought a smile to your own face as he breathily whispered it back. His fingers swept along your arms, barely touching the skin, but it was more than you'd gotten all day and you'd take it. The two of you stood like that for a moment before you finally slipped into the car.

He closed the door for you and nodded to Shinso. The car slowly backed out of the driveway and Izuku waved goodbye. Not the last goodbye if you had anything to say about it.

After a quiet car ride, you finally arrived at the hospital. White knuckled fingers unclenched themselves from your pants and you let out a heavy breath you hadn't realized you were holding. Guess car rides were just another box to check off on the growing list of things that unsettled you now. Wonderful.

"Thanks for coming with me," you said as the two of you entered the building. "I know it's probably not any fun to play babysitter."

The sun was starting to set, which meant the guests at the gala would be arriving soon for the red carpet event. It would be the first year you weren't with Izuku for it in almost six years. The press would be ruthless this year and if he wasn't careful would try to rip him to shreds. But for now, you had to focus on your own problems in the form of one Mr. Nobusuke: your boss.

"I don't mind really," he shrugged and glanced up at one of the T.V.'s as they passed a waiting area. It was currently broadcasting the live feed from the red carpet event where dozens of heroes were posing for the cameras or being interviewed. "It's better than being there, trying to socialize.

A laugh bubbled out as you tried to imagine Shinso standing on that red carpet smiling for the cameras. Those two images didn't mesh well together.

"Hey, so I never got the chance to properly thank you. You really saved me...us back there."

Pursing his lips, he stuffed his hands into his pockets with a hum. He didn't look all that convinced.

"I think your quirk helped clear his mind a little," you said a bit quieter, aware of the people passing by. "You're really impressive. I mean it."

Turning his gaze on you, he said, "I guess I can see why you and Midoriya go together so well."

"What do you mean?"

"Where's this office at?" Shinso stopped and looked down a few halls.

"Hey, you can't just change the subject like that!" Crossing your arms, you stepped in front of him, but he ignored you and kept walking. "Hey!" you called after him, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"Do you know when I first met Midoriya, I hated him?" It was said so casually. "I was so frustrated that someone who had no grasp of how to use their quirk made it into the hero course." Running a hand through frizzy hair, he continued, "but as I got to know him I realized how relentless he is. Stubborn to a fault and refuses to give up no matter what. Willing to do anything for the people he loves."

You looked at your shoes. "That's Izuku alright."

"It's also you."

"Me?" Now that had you confused. No one's ever compared you to Izuku: the great hero Deku. "I'm not a hero."

"You don't have to be a hero to help someone. It's why you chose this career, right?" he gestured around the building. "Even after everything that happened, you worked till you dropped to save him. Sounds pretty heroic to me." With a shrug, he picked a hall to walk down. "But who am I to say?"

Digesting the words, you looked at him. "How come you didn't want to be a public hero?"

"I don't look so good in the spotlight." Pulling the skin under his eyes, he grinned at you. "I think it's the bags."

"Oh come on, that's not a real answer."

"It's just not the kind of hero I wanted to be. Midoriya has the personality and the quirk fit for the public. But for me, it's easier to work when no one knows who you are. I don't give a shit about recognition and I doubt the public would be very accepting of my quirk anyway. As long as I can still use my power to help, then I'm fine with where I am."

Bumping shoulders, you flashed him a smile. "Well, I think you're cool Shinso, and I'm not just saying that cause you saved my life. Although, that is a bonus." you scored a grin with that one.

The rest of the walk was made in comfortable silence with you trying to avoid eye contact with anyone you might recognize. Nazim had said Mr. Nobusuke was in his office late tonight, still dealing with all the press from the incident. You wanted to catch him off-guard because if he had time to get everything in order, Haru could very well take your job. When you eventually arrived at the door to the office, you stood in front, dreading the talk. Mr. Nobusuke was a no-nonsense kind of guy and after the fiasco in the E.R., you weren't sure what to expect. This should be fun.

"I'll be out here," Shinso smirked, pushing you forward on the small of your back. "Good luck."

Mustering up as much courage as you could, you knocked on the door and heard a gruff voice invite you in. With a deep breath and one last glance at Shinso, you cracked the door and peered inside. "Hello, Mr. Nobusuke."

"Oh, Mrs. Midoriya, come in." He was standing by the bookshelf, shifting through one of his prized leather-bound, first edition books. "I'm surprised to see you here of all places. Shouldn't you be at home resting with your husband? As I recall, he was put on bed rest."

"Uh, well, actually he went to the gala," you said, wringing your fingers, "but there's something I want to talk-"

"He went to the gala in his condition? I suppose nothing holds that man down." He snapped the book closed with a loud pop and carelessly dropped it on the coffee table, causing you to flinch at the noise. "I would think you'd much rather be there than talking with an old man like me tonight." With a bellied laugh, he made his way over to his desk.

"I think you're overestimating how fun galas are." You nervously laughed along with him, tugging at the thick scarf around your neck. "But I did have a reason for coming."

"Oh? Well do sit down then," he pointed to the chair across from his desk. "What brings you in." The chair squeaked and strained under his weight as he lounged back, arms crossed.

Seeing him sitting so relaxed was odd. Maybe it was the time of day. You never really spoke to him outside of working hours other than events. He wasn't the type to socialize with his subordinates nor had the time to. The man grew up in America before moving back to Japan once he graduated. He didn't have the same workplace ideals as everyone else, but he was good at what he did. Despite his aloofness, you managed to secure a good relationship with him. This, on the other hand, was a different side you had yet to see.

"Um," this was far from what you were expecting and somehow his lax attitude was making you more nervous. "I wanted to talk to you about my job."

"I believe you're still on leave, yes?" A grin split across his lips as he sat up and searched through a stack of folders placed neatly on the center of his desk. "After what happened, I would understand if you wanted more time off."

"No, that's the thing," you squeezed your fingers together, watching as he pulled out a thick file. "I don't want any more time off. I want to come back."

"Ah, here they are." he triumphantly held up the folder and opened it. "Do you know what this is?"

"Uh..."

"These are your records." The way he held the folder made it hard to see exactly what was inside. "And complaints."

"Complaints?" Everything was starting to spiral.

"Yes, complaints. Did you know Mr. Haru filed twenty-four complaints against you in the past six months?" He peered over the folder. "In case you're wondering, that's a lot.

"Okay, but-"

"Don't interrupt," those stormy gray eyes of his flashed darkly and you looked down at your hands. "Remind me, how long have you been charge nurse here?"

"Three years."

"Would you say you're doing a competent job?"

This was definitely not going how you planned. "Yes."

"Now I realize you've had a...difficult month, but I need to think about the wellbeing of all my staff and patients. Not just you Midoriya." Tucking the folder back into the stack, he folded his hands and sighed. "So I think it's best we hand over your duties to Haru for the time being. And I think a transfer is in order."

"A transfer?" Hands gripped the edge of the desk as you tried to real in your anger. "Sir, with all due respect, I am more than capable of handling my duties just fine. And Haru, well he-"

"What did I say about interrupting." He held up a hand, cutting you off. "What's done is done. You will be transferred to Admissions when you return from your leave. That is all Mrs. Midoriya."

No. You couldn't just let him do this. You had to do something. "Mr. Nobusuke, please cane we just-"

"That is all." That growl marked the end of the conversation.

Fingers digging into the wood, you stood up. There were so many things you wanted to say, but screaming at your boss would only dig the hole deeper. You needed time to come back with a solid argument, so reluctantly, you let go of the desk and stormed from the room.

Once you burst through the door, you didn't slow down, marching right past Shinso. He hopped off his spot on the wall and caught up with you, hands deep in his pockets.

"Might wanna slow down or you're gonna trample someone," he said, easily keeping pace with you. "Judging by your face and that steam coming out of your ears, I'd say that didn't go well."

You grabbed your ears before you realized what you were doing and scowled at him. "Real funny."

"Okay, just-" Shinso reached out to pull you aside and you instinctively grabbed his wrist and shoved him away. He stumbled back a few feet, holding up his hands. "Sorry, I didn't mean- look, I'm not the best at the whole comforting thing, but I am good at listening. Do you wanna tell me what happened?"

In a vain attempt to tap out the annoyance with your foot, you crossed your arms and glared at the wall. It didn't work, so you turned to him with a huff. "I was demoted. Happy?"

"Why?"

"I don't know!" you burst out, "Haru's always been a pain in the ass. Even Mr. Nobusuke knows that. I've been charge nurse for over three years. I worked my ass off just to get there! All that hard work and I get demoted to Admissions?" Every muscle in your body was clenched, ready to explode any second. "It doesn't make any sense. It's like he's punishing me. I just, I'm just..." you paced back and forth, taking shallow breaths before Shinso caught your shoulders, halting you.

"Take a breath Y/N." He said with a calmness you envied. "Why don't we go get some coffee. You look like you could use some."

Following his advice, you took a few deep breaths, feeling your heart calm just a fraction. In hindsight, you were glad you didn't drag Inko along. Having another breakdown in front of the poor woman wouldn't look good.

Taking the lead, you eventually made your way down to the cafeteria where you ordered your coffee (Shinso put six shots of espresso in his) and sat at one of the tables in the corner.

"I put so much into this place and this is how they treat me?" you grumbled as you ripped a packet of creamer open and dumped it into the cup. "This is not an easy job, but have I ever complained?" a pause, "have I ever complained out loud? No."

"From what Midoriya's told me, you're the best of the best," he said, watching you furiously stir the coffee.

"Well that's just Izuku being Izuku," you waved it off. "But I am quite capable of my job. I could walk back in there tonight and I wouldn't have a problem. People are just getting too hung up on what happened, but I'm fine. They're all treating me like some sort of traumatized child and I'm so sick of it."

Shinso took a large sip. "Well, have you told them that?"

"Yeah, but that's not going to change how they see it." Rubbing your face, you glanced out the large wall of windows lining the cafe. "I mean yeah, it was scary, but if you guys can go through those things every day and come out fine, then why can't I?"

"Whoever said we come out fine?" Shinso cocked his head. "Those experiences change everyone. Trying to compare yourself to how others handle them is only going to lead you down a bad path. Just because we look like we've got it handled doesn't mean that we do. You live with Midoriya, you know that first hand." He leaned back. "Part of being a public hero is hiding everything under that golden rug and dazzling smile, but it's still there. It's always there and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying."

No one had ever been that blunt with you before, not even Tsu. In a way it was refreshing.

"So what do I do then?"

"I don't know if I have an answer to that." Shrugging, he took another long sip. "I think it's something that you need to decide for yourself. What do you want to do about it."

What do you want? That seemed to be the buzzword question lately and despite everything, you were lacking the solution. Deep in thought, your eyes drifted around the room until they landed on the television on the wall behind Shinso. Of course, they'd have the gala on in here. It was on nearly every channel tonight. The event was one of the biggest functions all year and everyone who was anyone would either be there or be watching.

Different heroes sauntered down the carpet, waving those all too fake smiles at the cameras and adoring fans lining the roped-off walkway. A few younger heroes were being interviewed at the moment and you half-heartedly listened to the conversation before the crowd erupted in a sudden uproar that drew the camera's attention.

Izuku had just arrived. Beside him was his mentor, All Might. He plastered a smile to his face and made his way down the carpet a little too stiffly. If you were anyone else, you probably wouldn't have noticed, but you did. He was still in a lot of pain. That wound was far from healed and you were regretting not trying harder to stop him from going.

Every interviewer stationed along the carpet tried to rope him in for a conversation and he expertly avoided them until one bold woman stepped out of her designated area to pull him aside. He was all but powerless to stop her with all the eyes on him.

"A quick word, if you will Deku," the reporter said. He had no choice, leaving now would only hurt his character. Trapped by societal convention. "It's great to see you tonight, but many were speculating that you wouldn't show, given the events of the past few days," she grinned, sparing a glance at All Might, "but here you are looking as healthy as ever and with the former Number One Hero All Might no less." She stuck the mic right under his nose and asked a question that had you holding your breath. "But I suppose everyone is wondering, after all the rumored news these past few weeks, how is your wife, Y/N Midoriya?"

Izuku took a deep breath, shuffling his feet in the back of the car, casting nervous glances out the window every few seconds. He didn't realize he was tapping his feet until Yagi grabbed his knee.

"Calm down son, you're gonna stop a hole in this car if you keep that up," the retired hero tried for a laugh, but Izuku only muttered out an apology before he switched to tapping his fingers on the seat beside him. "Izuku, look at me."

"Hey, Izuku," Yagi whispered, reaching across the little space that separated them in the limo and grabbed his arm. The minute those boney fingers connected, Izuku flinched so hard he slammed his head into the roof.

Ever since Izuku got in the car, the man had been quiet, which wasn't like the Izuku he knew. The man was a chatterbox and only grew worse the more distressed he was. This whole quiet attitude was disconcerting, to say the least. Yagi had never seen him look quite so desolate before. Izuku's face was pale and creased in a nervous concern, deep in thought. His once gelled hair was starting to fray and poke out in certain places from all the times he'd run a hand through it. It would be a miracle if no one noticed anything off about him.

Stunned, he blinked and looked at the older man. One hand carefully rubbing over the bandages concealed under his dress suit. "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

Yagi was quiet for a moment, trying to figure out the right words. "Izuku, are you sure this is the right call? I don't doubt you, but you're still injured. No one would think any less-"

"No, that's not why I'm doing this. I need to be here," he interrupted, sitting straighter and wincing at the sudden motion. "I'm fine. I can handle this."

"No one said you couldn't. I'm just worried," he sighed. "You're not even supposed to be out of the hospital yet. You've always been so reckless with yourself. Don't forget you have friends you can rely on. Don't try to do everything yourself." Yagi paused for a moment, narrowing his eyes, "Are you sure you're not using this to push yourself towards some sort of atonement because-"

"I said I'm fine!" Izuku yelled, dark green eyes shooting a nasty glare to the man he considered a pseudo-father before he realized what he did. With a shake of his head, he leaned forward and rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry Toshi. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's alright," Yagi frowned as he watched his protégé take a slow, pained breath, "I can imagine the stress you're under right now." One of his hands rested on Izuku's shoulder. "I believe you can do anything you set your mind to because, well, I've seen it with my own eyes. But please," he caught Izuku's gaze, "please be careful."

"We have the plan," Izuku seemed to say more to himself than Yagi. "If anything goes wrong, we have the backup plan. It'll work." The car slowed to a stop and the both of them glanced out the tinted windows to see a mob of flashing cameras waiting for them just outside. "Thanks for coming with me."

"Of course," Yagi patted his shoulder, "who else would want an old man like me as their date?" Finally pulling a genuine grin from Izuku, Yagi grabbed the handle. "Ready?"

Another deep breath and he nodded. As soon as the door opened, the buzz of the crowd swelled. Every camera whipped in their direction. Even some of the heroes being interviewed turned their heads.

Izuku had been at the top for a few years now and that in itself always garnered media attention, but this time was different. He'd been at the center of the news for weeks now with different allegations coming from all directions. Some quite scandalous and utterly ridiculous, but they weren't to be taken lightly. And now, he'd made his first public appearance in days, at the gala of all places. That in itself was a statement, whether good or bad was still to be determined. The spotlight was his tonight, even if he didn't want it.

Yagi climbed out first, waving to the crowd, followed by a stilted Izuku. He swallowed that thick ball of nerves in his throat and forced that trained smile on his face. There was no room for error. Not here. Especially not here. As much as his chest ached, he kept his head high and waved for the flashing cameras.

A few heroes lining the red carpet were so caught up in the arrival of Deku and All Might together that they forgot about their own interviews. Everyone wanted a shot at talking to the hero, but Izuku tried his best to avoid getting drawn in by one of the reporters. He just wanted to make it inside the building, away from the public. For the most part, the event was private, save for the speech and performances near the end that were broadcast live. Once he was inside, he could finally breathe.

They made it halfway down the carpet before a woman darted in front of them, blocking Izuku. "A quick word if you will Deku." He was so close to making it inside, but now he'd have to talk. " It's great to see you tonight, but many were speculating that you wouldn't show, given the events of the past few days," that grin radiated a hungry ruthlessness he'd seen in his fair share of reporters. "But here you are, looking as healthy as ever and with the former Number One Hero All Might no less." She shoved the mic in his face. "But I suppose everyone is wondering, after all the rumored news these past few weeks, how is your wife, Y/N Midoriya?"

That was a question he was dreading. He knew they would try to pry out some sensitive answers from him tonight and refusing to answer certain questions was an answer in itself. For the past few years, he was able to mostly keep you out of the public eye, usually only coming up when important events surrounding his status were brought up. This time, you'd been forced into the limelight by a series of events he wasn't able to stop. Saying the wrong thing now would only add fuel to the fire. He needed to choose his words carefully.

"I'm glad everyone is so concerned for my wife's wellbeing," he smiled through his teeth, "but this year the gala is a closed event." He'd worked with the commission to ensure only heroes would be allowed entry for safety concerns. No plus ones this year. That change alone caused quite the commotion, but it had to be done. "So, unfortunately, she couldn't be here with me tonight."

They both knew that wasn't the answer she wanted.

"And what about you?" She pressed, "The Hero Billboard charts will be released soon. Are you worried that your performance this year will knock you out of the top spot?"

A performance. That's all this was. That's all it's become, even to him. Being a hero wasn't about saving people or doing 'good' anymore. It was about rankings and popularity. And he was sick of it.

When he didn't say anything, she continued, "I also hear you were freshly released from the hospital only yesterday?" That was hot topic news to anyone at this point, but even so, his smile wavered for a moment. This woman was relentless. "My sources tell me it was quite a significant injury. How are you faring now?"

"Well, as you can see," he twisted around with a chuckle, "I'm perfectly fine."

"It seems so," she sounded disappointed, "but your wife was rumored to be there as well so-"

"Well, thank you for your time," Yagi cut in, startling the woman. She nearly forgot he was there. "But I believe the event is starting soon." In one easy sweep of his arms, he pulled Izuku away.

Yagi ushered Izuku further down the carpet, leaving the woman open-mouthed, holding the microphone out to no one. She quickly recovered and moved onto another hero walking her way, but Yagi caught the little glare she tossed his way.

Once they made it through the doors and into the foyer, Izuku stepped off to the side, getting a few curious glances. Faint orchestral music replaced the dull roar of the crowd, but he could only focus on his breathing. That little spin he pulled off wasn't doing him any favors. It was bad enough that the wound was barely closed, but he decided against any type of painkillers. He'd had enough of drugs for a long while and in his mind, he rationalized it as needing a clear head tonight. At least that's what he'd told the others. The part he left out, the real reason he decided against it was that he thought he deserved to be in pain right now. It was a small way of atoning. One you would be absolutely furious about if you found out.

"Thanks, Toshi," Izuku sighed, absentmindedly rubbing his chest.

"Well, I should be thanking you," the retired pro smiled, "I didn't have to answer any questions this year."

This time, Izuku did manage a small laugh. When he composed himself again, he looked to the large doors that held the gala. This was it. It would all end here tonight.

Cups nearly empty, you stared out the window, watching small flecks of silvery snow hit the glass and promptly melt. Fingers mercilessly bent the little coffee straw into different shapes. Izuku put on a good show for the camera. That's all it really was, wasn't it? The whole thing was just a show. No one cared about the people behind the masks.

You don't think he'll lose his ranking over this, do you?" A small glance up at Shinso before they flickered back to the straw.

"I don't know." That admission, while honest, flipped your stomach. "There's no pleasing the public. All they want is whatever shiny new thing you dangle in front of them. It's impossible to keep them on your side forever."

The chair screeched against the tile as you stood. Shinso took one last desperate swig of his coffee before getting up to follow you. Your nails dug into the plastic cup as you marched over to the trash bins.

The straw snapped in half. "I want to go home now."

"Hey, I just meant that eventually, they'll find something else to hate on." He caught up to you, leaning on one of the bins. "Don't worry about it. It's got nothing to do with you and everything to do with the system itself."

That wasn't true. It was you that started this whole mess in the first place. As much as Izuku likes to take the blame, the fact was Tatsuya came after you because of you. Even if someone else had set him up for it, you were still involved and it hurt that you couldn't even do anything about it.

"What, so everything's supposed to blow over just like that?" You crossed your arms, turning to him. "It's supposed to be that easy?"

"No, I just meant-"

"Mrs. Midoriya?" A frantic voice spoke up behind you.

Hearing your name called out like that startled you so much, you nearly knocked one of the bins over in your haste to whirl around. Standing a few feet away was a face you'd nearly forgotten in light of everything. "Mr. Miwa?"

Taglist: @dorki-time @miriobaby @thecindy @awilddreamerwrites @sailorstupidsblog @kenmaskitten10 @slytherintothedms @chanyeoloml @tanakasprayer @kiyoobi @justscar @amive2567  

[dragon-kazansky]

Til death do us part | Helmut Zemo

Bodyguard AU! 🕶

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 3

All of you were up early. You ate with the staff and the bodyguards grouped up for a quick meeting while the Baron got ready. You all gathered in the hall for the bedrooms you had been staying in.

"We head out immediately. Steve will meet us in Paris with the rest of the crew. It's so vital we stick with the Baron throughout his trip. We escort him to the hotel, station ourselves outside of the room. He will have a floor to himself, helping us limit who comes and goes from that room," Sam explains.

"What about the flight?" Bucky asks.

"The Baron will be flown over on his own plane. We are to be onboard with him, just stay out of his way and let him do his thing once we're up in the air. There isn't much we can do in a plane anyway."

"So, Paris, huh?" You smile at Sam.

"Yep. You remember when we were there?" He grins.

"Oh boy, do I. What a week that was."

Sam laughs.

Back when you were just a newbie and had passed your training, Sam had taken you to Paris to celebrate for a bit before you too long your first assignment. It was one of the best trips of your life.

"We won't get to do much sight seeing, I'm afraid."

"Ah well, it will still be nice to be in the city," you say, smiling.

"Yeah. Who knows, we might see a few familiar spots here and there," he winks at you.

You ignore the funny looks Bucky and Nat were giving you both. There were some things that would forever remain secrets.

Zemo was ready. He was currently eating in the dining room. You and Sam entered, Bucky and Natasha remained at the door. The Baron didn't even glance at you as entered, but if you had been paying attention to him, you would have noticed how irritated he looked.

Zemo finished up his breakfast.

As he rose and left the room, the pair of you followed, flanked then by Bucky and Nat. Zemo had a private word with the housekeeper before nodding at Sam. All together, you headed out. Bucky got the car door for the Baron as Sam climbed in the other side.

The rest if you would be parted into the other two cars, one to lead, one to follow.

Nat would be in the leading car.

Bucky and yourself would be in the following car.

She gave you a quick run of the protocol should anything transpire on the drive to the airstrip, and then you parted ways.

The three black SUV vehicles leave the estate.

Bucky glances at you beside him. You were looking out the window, quietly. From the moment you left the Baron's office you had been a little more stoic around Zemo.

"You alright?"

You look up quickly, putting on a smile, but it doesn't reach your eyes.

"I'm fine."

"You can talk to me you know," he tells you.

"I'm good at my job, right?"

He looks so stunned when he hears those words fall from your lips. His blue eyes flickers between your own rapidly, trying to find any reason within your own gaze as to why you would ever doubt yourself.

"Of course! I've seen you in action."

"It's just... when I client has doubts in their security, it makes you think."

"Do not listen to the Baron. Natasha and Sam told is he was an asshole, he just proved it. You're amazing, don't ever doubt yourself," he smiles.

You smile softly.

"I'm proud of my work. Sure, I've never actually had to guard anyone from a known threat, just make sure nothing happens to the client, but if things go down, I'm following protocol."

"Good. If things do turn out for the worst, I know you can handle it," he grins.

"Thanks, Bucky."

The cars arrive at the airstrip at the designated time. All bodyguards step pit of their vehicles before Zemo steps out of his. You all gather around the car and stand in the formality stance.

Sam opens the door.

Zemo looks a little irritated again, but says nothing as he walks toward to the plane. He goes straight inside.

Sam has a discussion with the pilot as the rest of you climb inside. You each take a seat, a respectable distance away from Zemo, and face forward.

You're the closest to the Baron at the moment. You avoid looking at him.

Sam enters and takes his own seat. He sits on the Baron's side, facing your way. You nod at each other.

The pilot climbs into the cockpit and, within the next several minutes, the plane takes off.

Helmut grabs a book from his bag and gets comfortable, ignoring the guards in the plane and losing himself in the pages.

Oeznik, the butler who you hadn't noticed boarded, comes over to him with a drink. He places the glass down and walks away.

You turn your eyes to the window and decide you'll just watch the sky for the flight. You were used to being left with your thoughts during transportation.

It doesn't take long to arrive in Paris.

The Baron had ignored all of you during the flight. He stepped off the plane and greeted Steve who had been waiting for you all. He had arrived with Carol and Clint in tow.

They shook hands.

Apparently he liked Steve the most out of all of you. Though you could see why.

"Shall we?" Zemo gestures to the cars behind Steve.

Steve gestures for Zemo to go ahead, opening the door for him when they get to the car. Once the door is closed behind him, Steve gestures for you to him.

"All good?" He asks.

"Yeah, all good. Don't worry, I got this."

"I know. I just wanted to make sure. The Baron just asked that I don't let you ride with him," he tells you, softly.

"Alright. I didn't expect to anyway."

"Don't let him get to you."

You just nod. You've had this conversation already. Don't let Baron Helmut Zemo get to you. You knew the drill.

It felt good that everyone was so supportive though.

You climb into the car behind, the following car. Sam and Bucky are in this car. They smile at you as you join them.

Then you're off.

Zemo was going to be staying right in the middle of the city.

The ride was mostly silent and felt rather long. Each of you kept your eyes out on the streets, keeping an eye for anything suspicious.

There had been no word of any threats in the city, but that didn't mean you could let your guard down.

The hotel was extremely nice. A bit glitzy and posh, the kind of place you would expect a Baron to stay at.

He is flanked by Steve and Carol as they check in. The rest of you hang back a bit. There weren't too many people about, but those that were watched with curiosity.

Steve and Carol went into the elevator with the Baron. The rest of you followed, taking the stairs. Your legs were going to feel this in the morning. The Baron was staying on the twelfth floor.

When you got up there, the Baron was already secured in his room. Carol was at the door.

You all spread out along the hallway and waited. His meeting would take place two hours later.

That's two hours of standing in a hallway with nothing but each others company. No one came or went from this floor.

When it was time to leave for the Baron's meeting, you all took your positions as you followed him back down to the lobby, once again taking the stairs, and back into the cars.

The meeting was being held at an official building in the centre of Paris.

A finely dressed gentleman surrounded by guards in the centre of a city was plenty enough to catch the attention of locals. Though the Baron was globally known, he was sure to leave an impression on France after he left.

You all enter the building and walk with him up to the meeting room, where only Steve is to follow him inside. Natasha and Carol separate from the group to stand in the main lobby incase anyone tried to get in sho wasn't welcome.

The rest if you waited outside of the meeting room.

Clint came to stand beside you, having not caught up with you yet. You smile at one another and face forward as you chat.

"The Baron's a piece of work," he says, keeping his voice low.

"You can say that again," you reply, keeping your voice just as low.

"Honestly, it doesn't surprise me this guy has enemies. He doesn't strike me as a people person."

"He must have some conversation skills though, if the whole purpose of his visit is to strengthen bonds and all that," you glance at him.

Clint shrugs.

"Still an asshole."

You smile as you agree.

The meeting goes on for about an hour. No one leaves the room, no one seems enters either.

When the meeting concludes for the day, the Baron doesn't look at any of you as he leaves. You all follow. He would be here for another two days before they came up with a deal.

The next day was much the same, only Clint didn't come to talk shit about him with you again.

On the third day, they came up with a deal.

There wasn't a single threat in the city. The Baron's visit in Paris had been smooth and came to a favorable conclusion. He left that last meeting looking proud and pleased.

That was also the first time since his arrival in Paris he had looked at you. Whether it was by accident or not, you have no idea, but he had looked at you for the briefest moment.

However, he was looking smug for those brief moments. You didn't know how to take that.

Back at the hotel, in the room you had been given to rest in with Nat and Clint, you looked at the French newspaper in front of you. It was talking about the Baron's visit. There was a photo of him entering the building the first day.

You sigh softly.

Doing your job was feeling exhausting. Though you were a bodyguard, previous clients had given you more attention than this.

It felt as if Baron Helmut Zemo was trying to wind you up and get on your nerves.

What did it mean when he looked at you earlier?

Clint sank down into the seat next to you and handed you a drink. You took it gratefully and sat with him, looking a little tired at this point.

"Ready for another flight tomorrow?" He asks, looking pretty tired himself.

"Sure am. Nothing like globe trotting while watching out for an asshole."

Clint laughs.

"I heard him talking earlier."

"Oh? Dare I ask what he was talking about?" You look at him, but honestly, you couldn't care less.

"I think he was talking to Steve about you."

"About me? Why should he be talking about me?" You sit up a bit, obviously more intrigued now.

"I don't know why, but he really doesn't seem to like you."

You sink down a little.

"I know. I haven't done anything to him, I showed up for my assignment and he immediately shoots me down. He doesn't think I'm capable of my job and I hate that!" You put your drink down, annoyed that he was talking shit about you behind your back.

"Steve stood up for you."

You didn't say anything.

Clint sighs and places an arm around you, giving you a side hug.

"Better get some rest. We're off to London first thing in the morning."

You nod.

Clint leaves your side and goes to bed. You remain sitting there for a while longer before going to bed yourself.

You would will yourself not to be bothered by what the Baron thought.

What did he know about you anyway? Nothing!

You didn't know it then as you climbed into bed, but London would be your chance to prove your abilities to the Baron.

London wouldn't be quite as smooth as Paris had been.

John Walker would see to that.

@thesuitkovian @justfangirlthingies @belle82devart @zemosimp420 @anteroom-of-death @silverlambcaptain @that-stupid-head-tilt-thing @lieutenantn @daniielbruhl @awesomesauce-abbie @latenightartist-author @lazygurl05 @rumblelibrary @nonamec0s @shura-gorl @ginger-abreu @caligrl1992 @livvyshmiv @luciadiosa @vverliebt @tatooineisdry @charistory @somethingthatsaysbubbles

[catzula]

I’ll See You, Even If I Close My Eyes

Synopsis: "I know who you are." You whispered, your eyes still closed.

 "Open your eyes, then. Open your eyes, look at me and tell me you don't hate me."

Genre: enemies to lovers (is that even a surprise at this point?), i feel like it’s a bit angsty but it wasn’t meant to be, a happy ending, fluff

Warnings: Shinsou is really mean in the beginning of this for the story purposes but I kept it short) some cursing, insecurities, mentions of social anxiety also its like 5.6k I think so that's that

pairing: Pianist!Shinsou x fem!Reader

It was late in the night when you first heard it. The music coming from downstairs, a piano piece that enhanced and pulled you to it the moment you heard it. 

Running down the stairs as fast and quiet as you could, you rushed to the living room in the grand piano stood. You didn't know anyone who played the piano in your class, and you desperately wanted to know who this music belonged to.

It was such a soft melody, so sad and almost dark, it sent chills down your spine. The piece wasn't familiar, though what enchanted you so wasn't the song but the way the pianist had delivered it, instead. 

You made it to the room, chest heaving from running so fast. It was ice cold downstairs, realizing it was because all the windows were open, making the whole room smell like the deep night and mist, although as you reached to the piano, you noticed the faint smell of lavender, as well.

You hid behind the cupboard when you reached the room, taking a peek inside to see the pianist, brows furrowing when you couldn't. The tulle curtains dancing with the harsh wind, it was concealing the pianist professionally, only making you able to see the silhouette.

It was a man's silhouette, you could tell that. You looked at his back, hovering over the black and white tiles of the piano, his broad shoulders slumped forward ever so slightly. You weren't aware you had started to walk towards him, getting out of your hiding place.

You were able to only take a glimpse of the silhouette of his side profile before you heard another pair of footsteps coming from the stairs, making you both freeze in your places. 

"Y/N?" You heard a soft voice call out, Yaoyorozu standing there with her nightgown and a blanket she just created. "What are you doing here?"

"I- I couldn't sleep." You answered vaguely, causing her to knit her brows together, but thankfully, she didn't keep pushing. "It's freezing down here," she told you instead. "Let's go back upstairs." 

"Yeah, I'm coming." You answered, trying to stop her from coming there and seeing the- you looked back at the piano, gasping when you noticed he wasn't there anymore. The tulle curtain still dancing with the wind, the faint smell of lavender and night lingering in the air, but the pianist was gone without a trace. 

"What are you doing?" Yaoyorozu asked, yawning gracefully. "You're acting a bit weird." She told you with a smile, and you smiled back. "Nothing, I just thought I saw something." You didn't expect the look of panic to settle on her features, though. "What? Did you see someone?" She interrogated, stopping in her tracks and ready to go downstairs to fight whoever it was.

"I-"

"Is there a break-in? Did you-"

"No!" You exclaimed, stopping her from checking downstairs. You didn't know why exactly, but you didn't want her to find out about the pianist. "I just thought I saw a shadow, it's nothing important." You reassured her, and although she sent you a suspicious look, she took your words, walking back downstairs. 

You could swear you heard a chuckle when you sighed with relief, though.

***

When people asked your best friend, Yaomomo, why you didn't seem to get along with Shinsou, she didn't answer.

(they usually asked her if he did something to you, something bad, but she never told you this)

 The truth was, she didn't know either, no one did, not even you were sure as to why. Shinsou seemed like the kind of guy you would get along with, he was quiet and calm, though he was strong and would do anything to get to his goal. 

He was impressive, and you always had a part in you that wanted to be friends with him, and it hurt when he hated you instead of sharing your thoughts. And it didn't make it any better when you were seatmates, either. It had been only a week of you sitting together, and every day was living hell.

He lifted his head from his arms, waking up from his sleep. His eyes wandered over the room, his bored gaze stopping on you, and brows furrowing immediately.

Only the sight of you was able to make him angry, apparently, the thought souring your mood immediately.

Your eyes locked for a few seconds, the indigo eyes making it near impossible to look away, and he stared at you as if he expected you to say or do something. You could feel the bone-chilling glare he sent you when you looked away, and he smirked when you gathered the courage and tried to glare back. 

"Stop looking at him." Yaoyorozu warned you when you stared for a little too long. "I'm not!" You answered but bit your bottom lip when she looked at you with raised brows. "I mean, he was glaring first."

"Sure." She told you with a small smirk. "You know, I think you should-"

"Go and talk to him, I know. You tell that to me every day." You interrupted. "But I can't, I'm not as confident as you, and I really don't have it in me to go and ask someone just why they hate me so much." 

You huffed when she pouted. "It's not that big of a deal, Y/N. I really think it would be better than glaring at each other like this, and don't think I miss how tired and on edge you always are. I can't stand you staying quiet when he's always mean to you. Why don't you at least fight back?"

"I-" You tried to think of an answer, but you weren't sure either. You were never good with fighting back to people when it came to you, can't find the right thing to say in the middle of an argument, or panic altogether and tear up. It was just easier to ignore and bite your lip, to not answer, and hope they will go away. It had worked in the past, but it just seemed to make it worse with Shinsou.

"I can't." You finally answered her question, and she sighed, but before she got to lecture you more on the topic, Midnight entered the room, and you went back to your seat, still feeling his gaze on you.

***

"I'll just talk to her," you told your friend, "Can you wait here?"

"Sure!" Yaoyorozu told you with a cheerful smile, and you rubbed your hands together anxiously as you walked towards your homeroom teacher, so anxious that you weren't aware he was still in the class.

"Yeah, no." Was your teacher's answer when you requested a seat change. "Not unless you give me a valid reason."

"Um, we don't... we can't get along and-"

"That isn't an excuse, you know." She told you, sighing as she collected her bag and stood up. "But you changed Ochako's seat a few days ago!' You tried one last time, biting your bottom lip anxiously. "Yes, I changed her seat because Mineta was... well- acting inappropriately. I won't change seats because you can't get along, If it came to that, I would have to change almost everyone's seat. Just try to get along, Midoriya never asked me to change his seats, and he and Bakugou really can't get along."

Yeah, that's because he's a masochist, you thought to yourself but bit your tongue before it slipped out of your mouth.

"Yes, sensei." You answered instead, heard a scoff coming from the back of the room as she walked out of the room. 

"And here I am, thinking we got along swimmingly." He raised a lavender brow along with a dry laugh, the kind of laugh that would've been pretty if it was genuine. You tried to ignore Shinsou's gaze as you walked past him towards the exit, following your teacher, who seemed to want to get out of the room as soon as possible, praying to yourself he would let you go this one time. But of course, he didn't. 

"Shinsou-kun, just leave her alone." Yaoyorozu muttered, holding you by the wrist and pulling you out of the room, which you gladly complied with.

"Oh, but how are you going to survive?" He spoke, ignoring Yaoyorozu's warning. "I'm the big bad wolf, aren't I? Isn't that why you run away from me like a hopeless little lamb? Can't even speak, let alone look me in the eyes?" He growled the last few words, resembling the big bad wolf for a second or so, his low growl sending shivers down your spine. 

He sounded almost... hurt.

"What?" He snapped. "Still got nothing to say back? Even after all those things I said, you still can't-"

"Cut it out, Shinsou!" Yaoyorozu suddenly protested, ignoring the looks you had sent her, pleading to just go.

You heard Shinsou sigh, his face softer when he had turned to your friend, the realization making your heart clench. It was just you, he hated, after all.

"You're just proving my point by defending her, you know." Shinsou told her with slightly quirked brows as he packed his bag. His eyes stayed on you for a few more seconds, waiting (begging) for you to say something. But you didn't, and it only made him angrier.

"See ya later, seatmate." He told you bitterly, earning an audible gulp as a response.

***

Shinsou hadn't expected you to come back. 

He didn't want you there, either. You, who made him feel like a villain more than anyone else in the world. But, still, he couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of excitement when he felt your presence in the entrance of the doorway, going towards the piano and wondering.

Shinsou hadn't sat on the piano this time, watching you as he tried to figure what you were going to do. Instead of scoffing and going back when you saw the pianist wasn't there, as he expected you to do, you pouted and sat on the Stuhl, touching the keys with your fingers.

Shinsou bit his lip, thinking. He wanted to- he wanted to show himself, but he also knew... "Who is there?" He heard you call out, your voice low but firm, the strong tone he had never heard from you, and it made him curious.

"Are you the pianist that was here last time?" You asked, standing up with furrowed brows and narrowed eyes.

"I am." Shinsou answered with a low voice, and you gasped when you got an answer, eyes widening with surprise and confusion because you thought you heard that voice before-

"A- are you..?" You started to ask, but before you realized who the voice belonged to, Shinsou had already got closer to you, hands closing over your eyes, and before you even got the chance to struggle, you were brainwashed. "You can't recognize my voice." He ordered, feeling a bit guilty with seeing the blank expression on your face. "You can in the day, but not at night."

You nodded blankly, and just like that, you were out of his grip. "Don't open your eyes." He told you as he let you go physically and mentally. "Who are you?" You asked once again (he suppressed a laugh when you really didn't open your eyes), your voice this time harsher, on edge and ready to fight.

"I'm a student here, as well."

"I can't say I believe you." You answered, and even with your eyes closed, you could feel his presence and leave a few meters between the two of you, circling him in the room with the reflexes of a cat. Maybe you weren't that helpless, after all.

"I'm not surprised, but I am a student."

"Prove it." You demanded.

"There is a Bakugou Katsuki in your class, who has some serious anger issues."

"Everyone knows that." You scoffed, and he chuckled. "Todoroki Shouto, the quiet, strong kid, who is also a cold Soba addict and Endeavors kid." He kept on.

"Huh," you answered with a sly smile, showing him you were enjoying this just a bit. "Not bad, but you gotta give me a bit more than that."

"What do you even want me to say?" He protested with a chuckle he couldn't suppress, suddenly thinking of something he wasn't sure that was supposed to be said. "Okay, umm..." He looked at you as he hesitated to speak.

"There is a general stuied kid that transferred to your class." He said, watching your face as he spoke. "Hitoshi Shinsou. A kid that's supposed to be a villain."

Your brows furrowed immediately, the smile you just had on disappearing. "Don't call him that." You spoke, your cold voice surprising him. "He is a student in the hero course, not a general studies kid. He is aiming and working to be a hero, and you don't have the right to call him a villain." You protested, your words causing a weight to settle on his chest.

What the hell were you saying? Wasn't his quirk the reason you never spoke or looked at him? The reason you were afraid of him? Where was the meek little girl he knew, that always ran from him, that couldn't even glare at him or speak back? You looked strong, instead.

"But you do have the right, don't you?" He asked, voice now even lower. You visibly flinched.

"Who are you?" You asked after a few minutes, refusing to answer his question.

"I can't tell you. But you do believe I'm not an outsider, do you?"

You shook your head slowly.

"Well then, if that's settled." He told you, chuckling as he spoke. You heard him walk, a creak coming from the piano seat. "Why don't you want me to open my eyes?" You questioned, and he kept his silence for a few seconds. "I don't want you to know who I am." He said simply, and you scoffed.

"I already understood that, I want to know why."

"Aren't you here to listen to me?" He told you, tapping the piano keys softly. "You can listen to me with the condition of not opening your eyes."

You could tell he wasn't going to answer your question, so you went with another one. "Do I know you?"

You didn't know who he really was, did you? It wouldn't be a lie if he said no. Your brows furrowed when he answered negatively, wondering why it felt like a lie.

You shook your head, and he couldn't help but wonder why you were so scared of him when you knew who he was, especially after you had even defended him to someone you didn't even know. His gaze wandered over you, and he found himself thinking just how pretty you were, the moonlight softly lighting your features, the confident look on your face never once going away, and it just didn't make sense how you could be the same girl he saw every day.

"Won't you come closer? I won't bite." He spoke mockingly when you stood where you were, at least 5 meters away from him. You surprised him by actually coming near him. Shinsou stood up, feeling bad making you stand there. He pulled a chair next to the piano. "You can sit here if you want to." He told you, leading your hand to the chair, you shook your head but refused to sit.

"Do you have a requested piece?" He asked, although a bit more cynically than he intended to.

"Do you know any Chopin?" You shrugged uninterestedly, but your curious tone told him you were more than excited for this.

"Chopin it is." He muttered, a short silence followed by him pressing the keys. It didn't take long to recognize the piece, and he was surprised to see you interested in classical music.

He didn't stop playing when he finished the piece, playing something else, some you didn't recognize, some of your favorite piano pieces, and you were mesmerized. By the way he played the passages softly, almost causing a physical warmth to spread through your body.

Soon, it felt like you weren't sitting next to some stranger, so used to each other's presence that you sometimes forgot where you were or who you were with.

You didn't know how much you sat there, already lost the sense of time. Sometime along the night, you had sat on the chair he pulled for you, the faint lavender scent once again making itself recognizable.

"Are you cold?" He muttered, talking for the first time for what felt like hours, snapping you back into reality from the bubble of thought you were lost in. You noticed you were hugging your body, your knees pressed to your chest, chills down your arms, not even aware you were about to fall asleep a few seconds ago.

"I guess so." You muttered and heard him chuckle. "You shouldn't fall asleep next to a stranger."

"Why not?" You asked, still not fully awake.

"I'm a stranger." He declared and heard a muffled laugh coming from you, and he realized it was the first time he heard you laugh, too. "I might be a very bad person, kill you in your sleep." He whispered the last words, and you chuckled, this time slightly more awake.

(His words reminded you if something, a conversation you had with someone else earlier that day, but with sleep clouding your thoughts, you couldn't connect the two)

"Well, you're studying in UA, right? Aiming to be a hero. I don't think you could be that bad."

Silence followed your words, and you wondered if you had said something wrong, shifting in your place. No, it wasn't that you had said something wrong, you had said something so right, something Shinsou had waited his whole life to hear from someone, but he had never thought this someone would be you. 

"That's the weakest argument I've ever heard." He answered after a few seconds, trying to pull himself back together. "It still doesn't stop me from falling asleep, though. Are you tired?"

"I'm always tired." He answered, cursing himself for revealing something of his character. But you hadn't seemed to catch on. Actually, you hadn't been saying anything for a while, and- were you already asleep?! 

Was that even humanely possible, he wondered. Still, he couldn't wake you up, could he? If he did, you would open your eyes and see him, and Shisnou didn't want to brainwash you again... 

He sighed, arms snaking up under your legs and back, pulling you to his arms and an odd feeling spreading to his chest when you snuggled closer to his chest, seeking warmth, the innocent smile on your lips causing him to hold his breath.

He had no idea why he was helping you, either, but he just couldn't leave you there. It was payback for you defending him earlier, he concluded, even though you had defended him against him.

He finally climbed the stairs that went to your room, opening the door as quietly as he could and dropping you on your sheets, a puff of air that smelled like you rising from your bed when he dropped you. Shinsou found himself inhaling and smiling at your scent, brows furrowing immediately when he realized what the hell he was doing. 

He exited the room with thoughts filling his head, so many things to reconsider and think of, and Shinsou knew he wouldn't be able to sleep at all that night.

~~~

"Has Shinsou been treating you better lately, or am I delirious?" Yaoyorozu had asked that day, which you had answered with a shrug, even though the answer was definitely yes. He hadn't called you dumb or a coward for a hot minute, and it was both making you relieved and concerned. 

He wasn't frowning whenever your eyes met (he had once smiled at you, which resulted in you choking on your drink you had just sipped on, so he had decided it was the best not to), wasn't even glaring at you. Still, that didn't mean you had accepted him, or befriended him in any way. You kept on avoiding him with all you had, and he couldn't even blame you, he wasn't even aware of the internal fight you were giving, trying to stop yourself from smiling back, to stop thinking maybe he wasn't that bad after all, to stop yourself from liking him and failing.

Shinsou wasn't deliberately acting better towards you, either. He didn't mean to change anything, but it did. Ever since the first night you had talked with him without knowing who he was, without guarding yourself or hiding what you wanted to say and held back, his anger towards you had started to fade. 

You had met almost every night after that day, and his heart had no right to beat faster when he saw you standing there, waiting for him, but it did. Shinsou knew this feeling and wasn't exactly foreign to the warmth that spread in his chest when you leaned your head on his shoulder as he played something soft, the excitement he had when you praised him for his music, the pride when you laughed loudly at something he said because he had made you laugh and-

And he had no right. 

Not after he had treated you the way he did.

Still, he was too selfish to lose you, so he answered negatively whenever you asked to open your eyes. 

"But why not?" You protested, your head resting on his shoulder, you inhaled his lavender scent, soft hair tickling your face. 

"Why do you want to know that much? Can't we just stay this way? Do you have to know who I am?" He told you, fear causing a feeling to sit in the pit of his stomach, fear of what would happen, of how much you would hate him if (when) you found out.

No, no, you could hate him all you want in the day, hate the persona he had for everyone and you, but he couldn't bear you hating him as the pianist, because that who he really was.

You were the only one who knew the real him, if you hated the real him, he could never gather the courage to show it to anyone else. He called you coward all this time, and it was he who was the real coward, after all.

But Shinsou wasn't the only one with a secret. 

Even though you hated it, even though you couldn't admit it, you wanted the pianist to be a certain someone. Someone with a pair of pretty indigo eyes and the craziest hair you had ever seen. 

And the hope, the feeling of maybe it is him, it hurt to stay clinging to a thread of hope. And you knew, you knew it couldn't be him, and you wanted to open your eyes and kill whatever stupid part of your brain it was that hoped for it to be Shinsou, to open your eyes and stop your feelings that were growing for him with the feelings you harbored for the stranger that sat across you. The stranger you didn't know the name of, the stranger, who played the piano for you every single night until you fell asleep, the stranger you trusted, you liked, and you... loved? 

No, no, that couldn't be true. You couldn't love someone you didn't know anything about, could you? But you did know him, didn't you? You knew him very well, and he knew you, the real you, you who you didn't feel like you had to hide.

"I just- maybe then we won't have to see each other just at night." You answered, trying to think of a reasonable answer other than 'I'm trying to get over a crush here by using my crush I have on you'

"Maybe some other day." He answered, and you sighed since that was his usual go-to answer.

"Maybe some other day." You repeated, once again leaning to him, making yourself comfortable as he played a piece he played often, a piece you had fallen in love with because of him. 

~~~

"You'll hate me." He had once told you when you asked why. He had immediately corrected himself, but you had heard it already. 'You'll hate me.'

"I can never hate you." You had answered, felt the deep breath he had inhaled, felt how he held his breath in his chest in a hopeful manner. "You think that now," he had chuckled in a way of trying to conceal the broken tone in his voice. "I will only believe that if you promise me you haven't hated anyone in your life."

He had sighed when you hadn't answered him.

"But that's not fair," you had protested. "It doesn't depend on whether I have ever hated anyone. Why would I hate you? I wouldn't be coming here every single night if I did, would I?"

"I'm... different with you." He had answered, and you felt your heart-clenching, holding your breath unconsciously.

"How are you so sure?" You had asked. "Do you think you would've hated yourself if you were me?" You had joked, not expecting him to answer.

"I already do." He had whispered, making your brows knit together in anger. "No!" You protested, opening your eyes in a whim to prove to him that you wouldn't, couldn't hate him even if you knew who he was, but before you even got a glimpse, his hand closed over your eyes as if he felt what you had in mind.

"No, no." He chuckled, "no cheating."

~~~

"I'm really sure I can't hate you." You had concluded after a moment of silence, and he had laughed, the sound making you feel warm. "What makes you so sure?" 

"Honest answer?"

"Yes."

"I... like you." You had finally managed to choke out after a few seconds and were greeted with silence. 

"No, you don't." he had told you, and you would've laughed if it was any other situation (because really, who answers I like you with no? And you thought thank you was the worst answer, apparently not), but his voice was so sad, almost regretful. It was obvious he didn't believe you.

"You don't know that!" You had protested, and he had sighed. "Believe me, I do."

"I like you." You repeated, this time more confident and left no room for denial, and somehow you could feel him smiling. "I like you, too."

"Don't you wanna see me after my confession?" He had half-joked, and you knew he would let you open your eyes if you said yes. But you chose not to, knowing well he wasn't ready.

"It's okay." You had answered and heard the breath of relief he had inhaled, although he tried to hide it.

A faint chuckle waked you up from your slumber. You felt strong arms wrapping your body as they lifted you up in the air, and you quickly closed your eyes. You knew he wouldn't know if you did open your eyes, but you... couldn't. Not when he begged you not to, not when he told you you would hate him.

You wanted him to be ready when you did. 

"You should really stop trusting people as much as sleeping soundly next to them." You felt a soft hand caressing your hair away from your hair, the motion making you hold your breath.

He leaned towards you, his hair tickling your face, and he was suddenly so close, you could feel the heat radiating from his face, and you wished, wished for him to kiss you. But instead, he whispered, "I'm sorry."

Something you least expected him to say, yet, it was what you most wanted to hear, you realized. 

His arms wrapped around you, lifting you and pulling you to his chest, and you felt oddly relaxed, thinking you were in the arms of someone you didn't even know the name of.

You had your eyes closed as he carried you to your room, trying to look asleep so he wouldn't let you go, and you could stay together, at least slightly longer. 

He opened your room door with his foot, placing you on your bed softly. You stood quiet, hoping he'll stay a bit longer, but also aware he wouldn't. "I know you're awake." He spoke softly after a few seconds, and you couldn't help but smile. "You do?" You asked, and he answered a soft yes.  

"You could've told me that down there so you wouldn't have had to carry me all the way here." You joked as you noticed he was a bit more anxious than he usually was. "You looked comfortable." He answered with a nervous chuckle.

"I should go." He told you, but you felt him getting closer to you instead of doing what he said, his hand caressing your hair out of your face softly, as he usually did when you snuggled to his side when he played the piano. 

"Do you have to?" You gathered the courage and asked, couldn't help smiling when you heard him gasp softly.

"I don't really wanna be alone." You added, and he sighed. 

"I'll only stay until you fall asleep."

"I'll fight my sleep the whole night if I have to." You answered, and he chuckled, making you laugh, too. He sat on the ground, right next to you, his hand still softly caressing your hair. 

"Then I'll stay here until you can't."

And he did. He stayed there even when you felt like couldn't fight it, couldn't hold back from falling asleep as his lavender scent lulled you into the sleep, his hand holding yours, but you were strong, and you resisted, resisted until the sun shone its first lights into your room.

"You're still awake." He muttered, but his voice was afraid, and you knew this voice. 

"You can't recognize my voice. You can in the day, but not at night." He remembered. Realizing it was now day.

It was a voice that made you flinch whenever you heard it, the voice that had told you some of the meanest things that had been told to you.

"I know who you are." You whispered, your eyes still closed. 

"Open your eyes, then. Open your eyes, look at me and tell me you don't hate me."

You did open your eyes, but your voice didn't come out. You gulped, instead, feeling a lump forming in your throat and aching there. "What, got nothing to say?" He asked, trying to joke, but he had meant it serious, he realized.

You couldn't bring yourself to speak, and you didn't know why, either. Didn't you want the pianist to be him? Wasn't there a part of you that wanted it to be him? Hadn't you told him all those things, everything, thinking it could still be him? Then why couldn't you repeat them now? Looking at his indigo eyes that looked at you like he was broken, like he knew this would happen but was holding on to the last thread of hope?

You were afraid, afraid you wouldn't be able to speak, to tell him that you meant it all, and he noticed it. He saw the look of fear in your eyes.

People being afraid of him was something he was more than familiar with, after all.

"I knew it." He whispered, and you noticed his eyes were slightly damp with disappointment. He ran his hand through his hair, eyebags darker than usual, and he bit his bottom lip as if he tried to hold himself back from crying.

"It's okay. You're right about hating me, I knew it would eventually happen but-"

"I don't." You finally managed to tell him when he turned towards your door to exit the room, holding him by the wrist, knowing damn well this would be your only chance to tell him.

"I had- I had meant it all." You spoke and saw the glint of hope in his pretty eyes. "Even if my eyes were closed." 

You saw how it took a few seconds for him to process the words, and when he did, he smiled. 

"You don't hate me?" 

You nodded, and he took a step towards you when you did.

"Not afraid of me, either?"

You nodded, smiling slightly, and he took one more step.

"Are you really sure, though?" He asked, and you chuckled as you nodded once again, and his face was almost mere inches away from yours when he got even closer to you.

"Can I... kiss you, then?"

You nodded one more time, tilting your face towards his. "You should've asked this first, instead." You whispered just before he pressed his lips to yours, making him smile into the kiss.