#at first i thought he posted a reel by mistake lol

[golbrocklovely]

outsiders // colin and penelope

A/N: i know this is unlike anything i've posted before on here. i'll be honest, idk how else to explain this other than i direly need to see luke newton play a vampire, so this is about as good as it's gonna get until then. this is also very vaguely based off of a tweet that said this picture of polin makes them look like a cunty vampire couple and you know what??? they ain't wrong about that lol i used direct lines from the show, particularly in the drinking scene with the boys and the carriage love confession (which will be in part two). there are also some quotes and line sprinkled throughout that are similar to those in the show/book. but most of the dialogue is not from the show/book directly. also this is the first time i've ever written a fanfic using characters rather than real ppl… well minus a spn fanfic i never finished. so, please be kind since it's all fiction anyway. hope you enjoy and lmk what you think :)

prompt: Colin is trying to deal with the fact that he is not only in love with his best friend, but that he is incredibly lost as to who he is as a person. It also doesn't help that he's a monster; a vampire. Pen just wants her freedom, her ability to be Whistledown without anymore people finding out. And in her mind, Debling is the solution to her problem. But one fateful night brings Penelope and Colin together in ways they never imagined.

trigger warning: jealous!colin, protective!colin, AU!vampire, the entire bridgerton family are vampire, colin's friends are dicks lol, formal english (but that's a given), vampire powers, manipulation, ANGSTY AS HELL, idiots to lovers (not until part two), somewhat of a cliff hanger but not really since the next part will be out soon, mentions of blood/blood drinking

word count: 3054

~~~~~~~~~~~

Colin knew deep within himself that going out with Fife and the rest of his so-called friends was a mistake. Mostly because his mind was preoccupied tonight, many thoughts swirling around him; all of which pertained to a certain red head he had known since childhood. The mistake was thinking that he could relax while being around these exhausting men and their childish ways.

However he really did need some revelry after what he witnessed during the day.

When he walked into the library party and caught Pen with Debling, smiling and laughing at whatever he was saying, his blood boiled. A permanent frown etched into his face and had stayed there the entirety of the day.

"Say, what ails you, Bridgerton? Are you not enjoying your night?"

Colin turned to Stanton, blinking slowly. He took a swig of his drink, shaking his head. "I am well. Please continue with your story."

Stanton smirked, turning back to the table, "On my Grand Tour, I encountered this Greek girl in the Balkans. My bear leader..."

Colin zoned out again, unable to truly listen much longer to the men's stories of different conquests they had over the summer. His mind was still reeling, his thoughts ever consumed by the image of Penelope. Of their shared kiss. Of his constant reoccurring dreams of her and him. 

"She sounds like the young woman who made my time in the French Quarter worth the length of the voyage. Much to offer upstairs, and I do not mean her mind." Lord Wilding motioned with his hands, causing all three men to burst into laughter. Colin sighed, staring at the ground for a moment.

Fife looked up at Colin, "What about you, Bridgerton? You were gone for quite a while. I am sure the girls of summer made your trip quite... fulfilling?"

The gentlemen chortled, and Colin could feel them all eyeing him, waiting for an answer. "I did tell you my story of the contessa, did I not?"

"Yes, but you did not give details." Stanton whined.

Colin half-heartedly smiled, "Well, a gentleman must keep some things to himself."

Wilding pffted, "Oh, come now. I do not see a gentleman amongst us."

"I concur with you there." Colin shook a finger at them. The gentlemen gave him a quizzical look, freezing him for a moment. "Oh, forgive me… But it is tiring, is it not? The necessity imposed on us to remain cavalier about the one thing in life that holds genuine meaning. Do you not find it lonely?"

Colin gazed upon the men, hoping to see agreeing eyes; but instead the table chuckled at his expense. He sat back in his chair, defeated.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain Featherington girl, now would it?" Fife teased, his glazed eyes staring at Colin's face.

"You know, Bridgerton? Congratulations are in order. I heard that apparently Debling plans to propose to her." Stanton raised his glass, "The marriage mart whisperer actually made a match. Cheers."

"May God have mercy on that poor man's soul." Wilding whispered, finishing his drink.

Colin narrowed his eyes, "I beg your pardon?"

"I know you have a fondness for the girl, but I cannot fathom what type of wife she would be. I would never marry a Featherington, but especially Penelope." Wilding remarked, almost disgusted.

"Maybe that's why Debling plans to travel for years." Fife quipped.

"Well, like your lady in the French Quarter, she at least has a lot to offer upstairs." Stanton snickered.

Colin leapt to his feet, his chair slamming to the floor. His hands were clenched tightly at his sides as his anger raged through him. His red eyes shot up, glaring deeply into the gentlemen's souls, captivating them instantly.

"You will never speak about Penelope or the Featheringtons ever again. And if ever asked about them, you will say nothing but the kindest of words." Colin grunted, his gaze shifting from man to man, "If I ever hear you speak badly about her or her family again, I will tear your throat out with my teeth. Your trivial existence will be ended, and the ladies of the Ton will be better for it... Know this as true, but forget I said this."

The gentlemen blinked rapidly, clearing their throats and looking at each other confused. Fife glanced behind Colin, "What happened to your chair?"

Colin smoothed out his vest, calming himself, "Oh, it must have fallen over when I stood up. Goodbye gentlemen, I am growing rather tired of this night."

~~~

Colin had the privilege of being born a vampire; and with that privilege came the ability to manipulate those around him. However, there were only two types of people he couldn't manipulate: other vampires - which really only applied to his family since he knew of no others - and those he was in love with. That applied to all the Bridgerton siblings. It was their own little family quirk, as they so lovingly called it. In a way, it kept everyone in check. Because they knew out of everyone in the Ton, the people they loved couldn't fall victim to their ability.

But luckily for everyone in the Ton, the Bridgertons were a good family. Violet had taught her children to seldom use their ability, and the children all followed suit. Hyacinth and Gregory did occasionally use it on the maids in the house, so that he could get extra sweets or she, the latest issue of Whistledown before bed; but for the most part all of the Bridgerton siblings fell in line with Violet's beliefs. 

While most of the Bridgertons enjoyed being vampires, Colin did not. Maybe it was because he was battling with himself over who he truly was. All this did was make him feel even more like an outsider. He wanted to be normal, to be known and loved for who he is, but how could he? He was a monster.

And now this monster, deeply annoyed by the past couple weeks of events, was on the search for blood.

Colin did not enjoy hunting. In the day, when he couldn't hunt, it was easier to forget what he was. But at night, his cardinal urges always came to the surface. 

Hunting on the poorer side of London wasn't challenging. There was always someone out and about. And Colin only needed a little bit of blood. None of them ever killed; the rule was only take what you need and leave no trace. And they were all excellent at that.

The worst that could happen was being caught by authorities. Or even worse, somehow ending up in Lady Whistledown.

Colin lurked around a corner, waiting impatiently for a passerby. He glanced at the printer shop, the light inside telling him someone was there. He needed to move further away, in case those inside would hear his victim if they were to scream out suddenly.

He casually walked down the cobblestone street, his sense of smell picking up someone near. It was a woman; that he was sure of.

He knew he should have just drank from the prostitutes, the ones he couldn't even bring himself to sleep with tonight. But he didn't like the idea of drinking from them. They oddly had shown him kindness, something he couldn't even acquire from his friends.

A woman rounded the corner. She was young, and her dark black hair was slightly unkempt. Colin rushed over to her, their eyes meeting instantly. The only sound she was able to make was a small gasp.

"Don't be scared, Miss . This will be over quickly. I'm just so...." he swallowed hard, "hungry."

Colin cupped the woman's face, turning her head so her neck was more on display. His fangs grew, his mouth watering at the thought of blood. Her pulse had quicken when he rushed her, her blood now calling his name. He sunk his teeth in, moaning as the liquid poured into his mouth. He closed his eyes, his thoughts shifting slowly back to familiar ones...

Penelope. 

He hated admitting it, but he had wanted to drink from Pen. His dreams not only consisted of touching her in the most inappropriate ways or confessing that their kiss was all he thought about; it was how he longed to bite her neck, taste her salty skin and rich blood. He knew she would be heavenly, but he never allowed himself to ponder on it too long. These were fantasies after all. She would never, ever find out what he was. And he would not damn her to a life like this.

He groaned against the woman's neck, lapping up spilt blood. Penelope was haunting him, even in real life. How was it that he could smell her, even right now? Even with his mouth on a different woman's neck, drinking her life essence, was he able to feel Pen's presence? It's like he could hear her say his name.

Colin glanced up, the printer shop illuminating the archway leading onto the street. A short person stood frozen, watching him. 

He froze too, his eyes focusing on the figure. The woman in his arms slurred incoherently. His eyes connected with her for a split second, telling her to forget what occurred and to go home. He pushed her off down a separate street, his eyes remaining on the silhouette.

He took a whiff of the air, his eyes widening.

The person ran the opposite way, racing back towards a carriage nearby. Colin made it there long before they could, grabbing them by the shoulders and pushing them up against the wall. His hand covered their mouth instantly, staring deep into the blue eyes he was captivated by since childhood.

"Penelope?"

~~~

Penelope had known the Bridgertons were vampires for years. While she might have met Colin first, Eloise had been her closest friend; mostly because it took Pen a while to really strike up the courage to actually talk to Colin. But when Eloise and her were young, outside and playing in her mother's garden, El casually told her what she was. At first, Pen didn't believe her. Who would believe such a thing without proof? El suddenly waltzed up to a butler nearby and told him to start doing a dance for her, and he did. The girls laughed at the sight, and from that moment on, Pen knew.

She never asked questions, but she was curious as to what vampires were really like. El wouldn't confirm anything to her, understandably wanting to keep some things private. And once Lady Whistledown rose to power in the Ton, El was even more hush about vampirism. Pen could tell she was nervous about her family's secret getting out there. But Pen assured her that Whistledown would never write on such a thing, otherwise she would become the laughingstock of Mayfair.

And now with El completely ignoring her because of Whistledown, she hoped that El understood that statement still rang true. While she would write about what everyone was talking about, no one but her knew their real secret. She would never share it, even if her and Eloise were no longer close.

The carriage came to a stop, the footman opening her door swiftly. She stepped out, the newest addition of Whistledown in her hand. She smirked as she read it over, noting how many in the Ton were speaking on her and Debling's possible engagement. While Pen did not enjoy being the center of attention, she did enjoy knowing that the sniveling mamas of the Ton were wrong about her.

Not only was Penelope courted, she was going to get married. That is, assuming she accepted Debling's proposal. Or that he actually planned to ask her mother tomorrow.

A life with Debling seemed... fine, to her. And if that's all she could get, she would take it. She wanted a love filled marriage, that was true; but maybe time would change that. It's possible that Debling one day might love her. Or that she may grow to fully accept what she had.

Part of her hated admitting it, but her feelings for Colin were still there too. But she accepted that reality as a fantasy and nothing more. Somehow, vampires were real, but Colin reciprocating her feelings wasn't. 

God had a very wicked sense of humor.

She walked down the street, turning the corner to the printer shop. When she raised her hand to knock, something caught her eye. She gazed down the street, two figures stood out in the open. It appeared to be a man and a woman. She squinted her eyes, watching them. The man cupped the woman's jaw, burying his face into her neck. Pen blushed at the notion. She had thoughts similar to that of her and Colin. Dreams, even. But to see two people doing something like that, so out in the open, was very scandalous to her. She wanted to look away, but curiosity got the better of her.

The couple swayed into the light unintentionally, and Pen's eyes widened.

The man's mouth was latched onto the woman's neck, and she was limp in his arms. It almost appeared like he was biting her. As she took in the man, she noted his dark brown coat. His tall stature and quaffed hair were familiar to her. It almost looked like...

"Colin?" She whispered.

The man looked up, locking eyes with Pen. She gasped, seeing his face for the first time. Dear Lord in Heaven, it was Colin. His mouth was stained red from blood and his fangs were prominent, even from such a distance away.

Her heart raced, and she knew she needed to get out of there, now.

She spun on her heel, running back to the carriage. Before she was able to get remotely close, her body was pushed up against the wall, her mouth covered.

"Penelope?" Colin hissed, his red eyes almost glowing in the dark.

She studied his face, taking in the features she had yet to see of him. His eyes were the most surprising, but his fangs were shocking up close.

"I am going to remove my hand. Please don't scream." He moved his hand slowly, her face feeling hot from his skin touching hers. "What are you doing out here?"

"I could ask you the same question, Colin." Pen argued.

"It is none of your concern, Pen. Whatever you saw..." Colin fought to speak, "was not what it looks like."

Pen suddenly became aware of the Whistledown papers in her hand, "Well, if that's the case, then I should be heading back home."

"You didn't answer my question. Why are you-" He began.

She cut him off, trying to sidestep him. "Colin, I need to-"

"What is that in your hand?" He questioned, pointing down.

Her blood ran cold. "W-What?"

Colin grabbed the papers from Pen's hands before she could stop him, her heart dropping instantly.

He gazed at the papers, reading over the words hastily. She backed up, her body hitting the wall. His stare hardened, eyes watering. "You're... Whistledown."

The hurt in his eyes, his voice, made Pen instantly tear up, "Colin, please I can-"

Colin backed away from her, "I cannot believe this. How could you?"

Pen wiped away her tears, "I am terribly sorry, Colin. Please let me expl-" 

"No, no. I do not want your explanation. What is there to explain? Clearly you are the one who has been writing such horrid things about my family. I cannot believe you would do this to us. To El." He choked out, "To me."

She begged, "Colin, let me explain myself."

"On top of being Whistledown, you come out here in the middle of the night to do your dealings. Unchaperoned, and presumably with no one knowing where you are. You could seriously get hurt! Not only could you ruin your reputation, but you could be harmed. How can you be so careless, Penelope?" He furrowed his brow, his eyes boring into hers.

Pen hated being talked down to. Who was Colin to act so scared for her safety, or her reputation for that matter? He was a vampire, for God's sake. She spat, "The only thing out here that seems to be harmful is you, Colin."

She knew she made a grave mistake. Damn her mouth.

Colin's eyes glowered at her, his body tensing. "What did you say?"

"I-I," Pen took a moment, gathering the courage to speak. "I saw you, Mr. Bridgerton. You weren't simply... caressing some random woman on the street. You were feeding on her. You're a vamp-"

He glared into her soul, demanding, "You are going to forget we had this conversation. You are going to forget what you saw moments ago. You are going to go home. Now."

Pen copied his gaze, shaking her head. "Who are you to tell me what to do? Have you gone mad?"

This was a terrible time to find out that Colin was, in fact, in love with Penelope. He knew he was, but the timing of it all really could not have been worse.

Colin growled, walking up to Pen's carriage door and opening it for her. "Get inside, Penelope. We will talk about this on the way back to your home."

"How can I trust to get in a carriage with you? Are you still hungry?" She sassed, her hands on her hips.

He lowered his gaze, his eyes darkening. "Do not make me force you inside."

Her skin felt hot suddenly, his tone hitting deep within her body. She had never seen Colin like this, and she wasn't sure what to make of it.

Her mind was cautious, nervous. But her body... felt something else entirely.

She sighed, stepping inside her carriage with the help of Colin. He followed her in, sitting across from her. He called out to the footman to go to the Featherington residence.

"Take the long way, please." Colin sat back against the seat, staring at Pen.

"Make a stop at the Bridgerton's house first... please." She called out. The footmen acknowledged their commands, and Colin rolled his eyes at her petty attempt of control. She squirmed under his gaze, unable to make eye contact with him.

He asked bitingly. "Should you start or should I?"

|| Part 2 >>

[theeleventhhour]

Look how cute he looks here my heart is melting I love him so much

Bondy on the reel he posted about the raffle!

[protectchara201x]

(ignoring all the other juicy Deltarune 2 stuff to shove Chara Talks into it lololol)

I haven’t been super active on this blog because frankly I have like, three? looong analysis/theorycrafting posts I’ve been putting off working on and it fills me with shame to log in and see them waiting in my drafts.

But.

With the release of Deltarune Chapter 2, I wanted to talk kinda in general about how I thought it could impact the fandom’s perception of Everybody’s Favorite Demon Baby, and also point out something in specific about the Weird Route that might connect back to Undertale.

Putting it under the cut to avoid spoilers and long-winded ramblings for the unwilling. Includes spoilers for the Weird Route.

(NOTE: may update later if I notice more things for to put in section II. I’d like to make a full list of parallels if I can tidy them up.)

I. Pre- vs Post-Release Thoughts (you can skip down to II if you don’t care, it is genuinely Long and Pointless)

Okay, so first off. I got SO worried like, the day before the new chapter dropped? It hit me that whatever new stuff we got out of this, people would connect back to Undertale, and. Honestly, I really do hate connecting everything back to Chara, because I do think of Kris as their own character and I really like them and don’t want to ignore everything they got going on. But, I am first and foremost a shameless Chara stan and they’re very important to me, so I kinda... did spend a few minutes reeling from all the new DR stuff as its own stuff, and then immediately started thinking about how this would reflect back on Chara in Undertale lol.

But that’s ok for me to do here because this is my All Chara, Only Chara, All The Time blog, so I am gonna only really talk about Deltarune here to talk about them lol.

So yeah, I started getting anxious beforehand worrying about how everyone would take any and all implications and apply it to mean “aha, Chara IS evil!” The fakeout with the pie reveal in the anniversary stream was a big relief, but I still got worried leading up to the release about what could be in it.

Because part of why I’ve always thought that “Chara was genuinely evil from the start” and even “ok maybe not TOTALLY evil, but Chara was still a kinda bad person” were unlikely was, even if you throw out all the other popular Chara-sympathetic theories. To me, both these takes just seemed too below TF’s talent and the way he wrote all his other characters with depth and love; a Chara like the one these theories propose just doesn’t belong in a world created by TF, and the way the Dreemurrs talk about them overall, the way TF made a point of having Chara say they were guided and repeatedly, correctly blame you the player for the destruction in Kill-All, I was sure that he never intended them to ever be as bad as the fandom sometimes tried to make them out to be.

... Like, mostly sure. Like, 80% sure? Because he never ever talks about them, so it’s impossible say for sure, and it is still theoretically possible that “Chara was and is bad” was the cold-ass take he’d intended all along. So yeah, leading up to the release, I started getting antsy that whatever new lore came out of it, either he’d directly confirm “Chara was a villain?” “*cocks gun* Always has been” or there’d be something that’d at least heavily implicate them, or could be twisted to implicate them, as a negative force. More ammo to be used against them in the Chara Debate Circles would be a drag, and outright confirmation of them as a villain would honestly break my heart and I’d be forced to disown Toby Fox, My Beloved Cool Dad.

And, right now? Tell the truth, I’m SO relieved and I am SO happy. And not just because of how much depth and characterization it seems Kris is getting! (imo, because rn I just headcanon them as an unhappy teen desperately trying to keep their new friends going on adventures with them and trying to fight back against the player’s control)

I love how this chapter seems to be TF doing course-correcting based on fandom interpretations. Because Kris just isn’t evil, even if they are a knife teen, even if they are the Knight, they’re just NOT evil and that’s canon, baybeeee; it’s made clear in this chapter and the previous one that they love their family even outside of the player’s control, they care about their new friends even outside of the player’s control, they’re established as a weird creepy kid but no one sees them as scary or evil, they’re just Kris, and even in the Weird Route, TF made a point of hammering in the differences between Kris and the player in the Weird Route: Susie and Ralsei notice how distressed Kris seemed after you have Noelle ice Berdly, Noelle heard a voice that she said wasn’t Kris telling her to kill, and the FUCKING Spamton fight: “Kris called for help... but nobody came” again and again, and then “You whispered Noelle’s name”... you, not Kris.

I know TF has never commented much on fans’ perceptions of Frisk and Chara, or who exactly is pulling strings in different routes. But after all this, and especially after seeing all the little winks and nods to fandom jokes in this chapter (what comes to mind: pulling everyone’s leg by seeming to have Kris attack Toriel with a knife only to reveal that pie theory was right, Susie not liking Ralsei’s real face as much as his shadowed one, Ralsei with a gun getting referenced with the ad, Kris getting a joke fixation with knives after the fans made Chara and Kris have knife obsessions as a joke), and seeing what looks like him try to correct some things (what stuck out to me was doubling down on showing that Kris is loved and valued in their family: lots of fans came away from Chapter 1 thinking that Kris was not valued as much as Asriel, but here we see that Toriel is supportive of Kris’ friendship with Susie, and it’s stated that Asriel is the one who used the crappy controller, not Kris) -

I think while he hasn’t commented directly, while he admitted to being overwhelmed by Undertale’s success, while he tends to be pretty tight-lipped about the lore (whether that’s because it’ll be addressed by future chapters or because he prefers to let fans sleuth it out), this chapter convinced me that Toby does keep tabs on fan reactions in Deltarune, so he probably does with Undertale too and would know about all The Discourse surrounding Little Mx Pink Cheeks (and in turn, popular theories like Narrator Chara... Toby if you integrate Narrator Chara into Deltarune being a borderline creepypasta and have the narrator start talking directly to the characters or to the player or the characters start talking to the narrator I will lose my damn B E A N S).

(Kris and Chara not being demonized and the narrator interacting directly with the characters were the only two things on my wishlist going in, I was fine with literally anything else happening lmao)

I even kinda think he’s going out of his way to separate Kris and the player because we didn’t get it before with Undertale, we still insisted that Frisk or Chara was the one doing it, and he’s even using Kris to show that even if this kid can be scary, maybe even mean, and maybe they’re even the Knight (with their reasons unknown), they’re still not a bad kid, they’re still funny and likable, and they still genuinely love their family and friends - which falls in line with Undertale’s cast of complex but likable people who can be antagonists and make mistakes but still aren’t truly bad people, and imo is a direct response to some people fixating on the idea that Chara was always evil because they seem scary/complicated.

... Which is a long way to say that I came out of Deltarune with my confidence fully restored about TF’s intentions with Chara and Kris. Even if he never comments on Chara directly, now I really don’t think TF thinks they’re evil or ever intended for them to be. Deltarune convinced me more than ever that Chara is meant to be complex, yes, and able to be influenced to do horrible things, but they were never intended to be as malicious or shallow as some fans insist.

TLDR:

Toby Fox read your mean fanfiction where Chara is a bad abusive serial killer no one likes, and he made Deltarune in revenge.

... Hm? Ah, you’d like me to get to the point! Right this way!

II. Undertale, Deltarune, and The Point

While no doubt some will still take the voice Noelle hears to be Chara influencing her to turn her into a murderer (I haven’t gone looking for it yet, but I’m sure it’s already a thing because I know this fandom), since it’s made too clear by the game that they can’t blame Kris for this one, I think at this point that’s just being too stubborn to consider other ideas.

If you believe in the totally made up idea used in so many fanfics that Chara is an evil spirit trying to whisper in Frisk’s ear to kill everyone, literally (for some reason) the embodiment of raising stats, and gets more control over people who have increased LV to take over their body... sure. Could be them, they did talk about moving on to the next world and all. I mean, that wouldn’t really make sense because it’s literally never implied in the actual game that Chara encourages you to kill outside of the Kill-All Run or even wants you to, certainly not as the narrator and we get no hint of them doing this as an unseen, unheard third-party either.

Not to mention they’re NOT literally possessing you because of increased LV; they don’t control you even with high LV in any Undertale route other than arguably the Kill-All, and if you fail the Kill-All and it turns into a high-body count Neutral, Chara suddenly stops using first-person narration and showing up in mirrors entirely even though they were showing themself before, the LV remains the same or even can get raised as high as LV 19, nor do they suddenly take over in any other Neutral runs. We can speculate on why (personally, I’d place this either on Chara’s mindset, such as them sinking into shock from the trauma or becoming more assertive as the player feeds their megalomania, or as a sign of Frisk’s withdrawal, leaving Chara alone in the body to take the reins and act out the player’s orders), but canonically, no, Chara does not take over due to high stats.

In fact, there’s even more evidence against this. First-person narration also exists for fleeing your battles in Undertale, even on Pacifist runs with base stats, 0 EXP, and an LV of 1. Since Chara is established to use first-person narration to refer to themself, is the only one who canonically does so, and is confirmed to be present even in all runs through their name and memories always showing up, it seems pretty likely that Chara can take control to flee battle. That means an increase in stats is not a sign of their presence or control, in Undertale or Deltarune.

The most damning blow to the idea that Chara is the voice corrupting Noelle are the lines in the fight with Spamton I mentioned. Kris called for help, but nobody came. You whispered Noelle’s name. Well hold on. If that’s Chara, shouldn’t it be “I whispered Noelle’s name”? As soon as you’ve officially started the Kill-All in Undertale, Chara starts up their “It’s me, Chara” schtick right away, right there in Toriel’s home in the first area, and if they weren’t the narrator before, they’re beginning to speak through the narration now. If the voice was Chara, surely Toby Fox knows it’d be a way bigger “oh shit” moment if the creepy scary hidden route once again switched into first-person, scaring us the same way he did before when we first saw “It’s me, Chara” and knew something was wrong; unfairly or not, their reputation as a villain is still well established and hinting to Chara’s presence with a simple “I” would drive the menace even further, if he intended for them to simply be a demon that possesses player characters when you grind enough. But it’s still just you. The player.

The Weird Route does even more to help Chara’s case than that. Not only is it made pretty clear that Kris and the player are separate, and the player is the one responsible for corrupting Noelle and making her kill... consider how similar Noelle and Chara are, in the Weird Route and the Kill-All Route.

This “voice” that “guides” them in growing strong, compelling them to kill everyone in order to fight for them, eventually driving them to murder people they know. Chara calls themself “the demon that comes when people call its name”, and you whisper Noelle’s name to have her appear to kill Spamton. Noelle’s conflicting emotions towards Kris and the voice as she is manipulated, as she becomes more violent and sadistic, as she goes into shock; does that not sound like Chara, who flipflops between holding you dear as their partner and wanting to move on to the next world together, to be together forever, and them being disgusted by your refusal to accept consequences and the perverse enjoyment you get in killing everyone again and again? Chara, who clings to their quirky narration for much of the Kill-All, but keeps slipping up, who becomes terrifyingly cold, aggressive, power-hungry, and even sadistic, yet still calls Undyne “the heroine”, still seems to still care about their locket, still has moments where they seem to falter?

Noelle does put up significantly more resistance to the voice’s commands than Chara does, and at least much more visibly shows distress and trauma. I don’t think this is a black mark on Chara’s chara-cter either, or an indication of them being more violent or cruel.

For one, while Noelle is still herself with her own soul, it is heavily implied by Chara, Flowey, and Undertale’s lore that Chara was reincarnated without their own soul, at best perhaps attached to Frisk’s (or yours): as I speculate in one of my currently unfinished theories, while monster souls are made up of love, compassion, and hope and thus Asriel was reincarnated without these qualities, it could well be that human souls are correspondingly made up of their own multiple traits, namely determination, patience, bravery, integrity, perseverance, kindness, and justice; if true, a soulless Chara would be lacking these qualities, which would make them less equipped to resist the player’s commands or to feel as torn up about it.

Also, the player has a hold on them both as “party members” to the player’s vessels, but it is also possible that the player naming Chara and having them directly attached to Frisk also gives them a stronger connection to Chara they can abuse, similar to how Kris and Frisk (as the player’s direct vessels) have much less autonomy than Kris’ party members.

(Fun observation: We know that when the thing controlling Kris forced Noelle into becoming a killer and using her to kill Berdly, Kris was horrified and shaken-up according to Susie and Ralsei. How do you think Frisk felt watching Chara be used to slaughter the Underground and then erasing the world when they’re totally corrupted?)

And lastly... look, Noelle and Chara are both minors, but Chara is significantly younger - a small child compared to Noelle’s teen. I know it’s fiction and strong wills and determination and anime is real and all, but a traumatized young child who died two violent and awful deaths back-to-back, may have literally experienced being a corpse in their own coffin/grave for who knows how long, and then came back ”confused” only to immediately start hearing a voice relentlessly commanding them to kill everyone?? I can absolutely see a traumatized kid shutting down and just going with it out of fear at first, before the LV sets in.

TLDR:

What you do to Noelle in the Weird Route is the same fucking thing you do to Chara in the Kill-All Route.

[wickedgamesoyaoya]

Secrets in a basic form can be harmless, but that does not negate the fact they can be quite deadly too. To withhold information from a loved one is to partake in a gamble, and the odds will not be in the deceitful one’s favour. Outside of the generic risks of entertaining this gamble, there is one that is often overlooked. What many fail to comprehend is that secrets can be weaponized, and once information becomes a weapon – the truth will no longer hold any significance.

Ichika may have fortuitously stumbled onto Osamu’s secret, but he was still to blame. There were various choices available to him that night and he chose not only to lie, but to drag his idiot brother down with him. He was thus caught in a gambler’s debt.

“Okay.” The confirmation fell from your mouth in a whisper, but it was not intended for anyone’s ears other than your own. You were vocalizing affirmation to the unspoken request from the muscle inside of your chest that was afflicted unfair torment. The excessive throbbing would not cease unless you abided by its demands, which first meant drawing the ache inside to the surface.

Connecting the platform of your boots with the ground, the vibrations stretching from the point of impact led Ichika to proceed a cautious step back. The smile stitched across her lips fell into a thin line as you surveyed her, curious to what she would bark out next.  Beside you, Osamu failed to secure even a piece of your attention, something the blonde took pride in. Although, if she had known that the sole reason you chose to ignore his presence was to focus on your primary target, she would not have been so arrogant. 

“Don’t you see, y/n? The person you should be fighting is yourself.” She raised her chin in effort to gloat, yet the little quivers in her voice indicated her confidence was deflating. Maintaining her composure would have been effortlessly completed if there was even a hint of recognizable emotions in your eyes. 

“Okay. Come here, dollar-store Regina George.” A faint smirk twitched at the ends of your mouth as you toyed with the accessory within your grasp, compelling her attention to land upon it. The threads weaved into her mask of smugness were slashed, revealing the fear slathered across her features. However, the terror reigning over her was soon replaced with bemusement as the band was discarded in a frivolous manner. “Hit me.” The artificial annunciation added to the invitation along with your bizarre actions drew a wide range of responses from those within the shop.

Osamu croaked out a protest, though he knew anything spoken would fall on closed ears. Your two best friends on the other hand exchanged worried glances, but they assumed you had some plan in motion. But what concerned them was the possibility that the revelation ruptured your very grip on reality. 

Seated behind them, the father to the deranged child begged to notify the authorities, while Nakamura cowered in the corner, guilt eating away at his conscience. 

“You don’t have to ask twice.”

Your invitation reinvigorated the blonde’s sense of triumph, which led her to lower down her guard. She proceeded closer to you without hesitation then reeled back her hand, before allowing her palm to collide with your face. The impact guided your face to the left side, forcing your gaze to settle onto your two bewildered friends, who were seconds from abandoning their post to join you. Though, when they saw your mouth open to expel a chorus of low laughter, they froze in their tracks.

“You hit softer than my sister.” When you snapped your consideration back to the shorter girl, the action startled her enough to cause a blockage to form in her throat. She blinked up at you quizzically, while pondering whether you were truly a sadist – deriving pleasure from the pain. And there was some truth to that. The location she had oh so kindly assaulted stung, but it was not even remotely close to the ache claiming your entire body. “Is that all you got?”  

“Y/n, please.”  Osamu was preparing to capture you in his embrace, he didn’t care if you hated him or hurt him in the process. It was quite clear that you were seeking to overthrow the emotional pain with a physical one. Something that would not be occurring if he chose to be honest. “You’re angry, so take it out on me. But don’t take it out on yourself.”

“You see the thing is… This is my pain. And you, the person responsible for that pain, don’t get to tell me how to deal with it.” As exhilaration pumped through your veins, humourless laughter sliced against your throat on its journey to your mouth. “Now fucking hit me.”

Ichika stomped on the ground childishly, accompanying the movement with a mixture between a whine and a grunt. How dare you mock her when you were the fool in the situation? What kind of person were you? She was beginning to wonder if you were human at all.

She knew Osamu would intervene if she was not quick enough, and so she did not miss a second once the demand was spat towards her. In applying the second strike she curled her fingers purposefully to drag her manicured nails across your flesh. The additional pressure combined with the edge of her nails was enough to carve a few lines into your cheek, however before she could allow her hand to fall limp, you secured your fingers around her wrist and issued another titter. When her eyes frantically shot to the captured limb, it finally dawned on her that you weren’t the prey – she was.

In a swift motion, you twisted her hand then ushered it to the small of her back, the slightest bit of force would send her shoulder into agony, and so she did not attempt to fight back. Trailing your tongue along your bloodied bottom lip, you pushed her towards the same table she found refuge from minutes prior.

“You… crazy bitch!” The liquid distorting Ichika’s vision glimmered under the crimson lens you adorned. It was quite satisfying.

A heavy breath of air was exhaled as you took a handful of her golden locks, an action that caused her father to yell out various profanities. But upon seeing his daughter’s distress, his curses morphed into begs. He was begging for mercy, something you were not willing to offer. 

“You see now, goldie locks…” To ensure she was listening intently, you tangled your fingers into her curls, forcing her head up to bring her ear to your mouth. “Whatever I do… qualifies as self-defence.”

Shivers surged throughout Ichika’s petite frame at your explanation as she questioned internally how she managed to misread the signs. She studied you based on your social media for days. She thought she knew you. But she was ever so wrong.

“But how… How can you still fight after what I told you?” Tears strained her swollen cheeks, and soon the reality of her loss brought her to wail childishly. “Tell me!” Twitching at the sound produced by the short female, you roughly led her face to the counter to silence her. Mimicking a child’s behaviour? There was something pitiful about that, and you did not doubt that her father was to blame. 

Releasing the arm twisted behind her back, a lengthy sigh was blown out as you massaged your forehead to sooth the stinging sensation tormenting your temples. 

“I’ve met scum like you before...And I bet you thought you had the upper hand.” Another heavy sigh was exhaled as you shook your head is disappointment. “That was your first mistake. Now, listen to me, kiddo. I want you to remember something.” Strengthening your grip on her roots, you forced her head to rise from the table, resulting in a weak squeak from your victim. She trembled pathetically between sniffles as your slow breaths hit her skin. “Osamu could never love someone like you. Fantasize all you want, but if you ever think of breathing in his direction…” A pause was implemented to provide her a few seconds to imagine what would occur, and what she imagined brought her to whimper lowly. “Let’s just say I won’t be leaving you with a simple concussion.”

“Concussion..?”

As she echoed the word in confusion, her face was smashed against the table with as much force you were capable of administering. The sound produced from the action was far more satisfying than any melody played on the radio. If only someone had recorded it. 

Once her body went limp, you untangled your fingers then squinted down at them, admiring the way they curved from the unnatural exertion. The pain within your limbs successfully soothed your heart into a slumber, returning some colour back to your vision as a reward.

With the thrill of victory lacing into your bloodstream, you momentarily turned your empty stare towards your fiancé until another person entered the scene.

“Y/n…?! What the fuck is going on?”  

Let’s do it again, shall we - hit me 

Masterlist - Previous - Next

A/N: thanks for joining the party, superman lol. you a bit LATE. anywAY I hope ya’ll know MC is not okay, not even a bit. 

Taglist:  @idiot-juice-enthusiast @vicassa  @iloveanime691 @bringmelily @newfriendjen @hikarichannn @anime-simp @tsukkismamagucci @laughingismorefun @astronomyturtle​ @shegrewupwithoutafather @hyskoa1998 @deephumandragonperson​ @pretty-setter-bois @raenebalgaire @sugawarabby @justanotherfangirl2 @keijisworld @90s-belladonna @momoinot @sempiternal-amour @cherryblosom111 @yqshirov @haikyuufairy @volleybloop @bloody-bella @sadkaashistan​ @seikamuzu​ @namyari​ @toaster-stick​ @shakiraisawesome​ @coconut-dreamz​ @roseestuosity​ @prcttylittlcthing​ @uzumakioden​ @nerdynstoned​ @kenmasgameboy​ @unstableye​ @ouijaeater15​ @aquariarose​ @fandomtrashpandasposts​ @helloalex80​ @stfucanunot​ @envyusshades​ @cuddlesslut​ @seijohiseliterambles​

[jawritter]

Twelve Days Of Christmas

Chapter 9

Summary: Dean never realized that Y/N missed Christmas until he turned off an annoying Christmas song on the radio on the way home from a hunt, now he will make it his personal mission to give her the Christmas he misses so much, and if he plays his cards right, maybe he will give her what he has wanted to give her for so many years, himself.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Written For: @spnchristmasbingo​​​​​​​​

Square Field: Sledding

Word Count: 1334

Warnings: Fluff, mild language, brief mention of John’s A+ parenting.

A/N: This is to help me catch up on my SPN Christmas Bingo card lol Chapter 10 will post tomorrow! I knew chapter will post every day until Christmas! I know I’m insane lol. This is a real time fic collection and all mistakes will be my own! Please do not copy my work! Hope you all enjoy these!!

**SERIES MASTERLIST** **MASTERLIST**   **BECOME A PATREON**

You stood at the top of the snow-covered hill, flat sled in hand, and watched as two teenagers boarded the sled next to you, sliding down without hesitation. 

The hill was higher than you expected. Normally heights didn't bother you. You'd flown plenty of times in your life. You'd even done a little rock climbing. This seemed very high. Maybe it was the sun glaring off of the snow that made it feel higher than what it actually was? 

Dean's hand came down heavily on your shoulder, and you turned to see his emerald green eyes staring down at you. His freckled face was slightly red from the cold.

"Ready Sweetheart?"

You gave him a short nod and dropped the sled to the ground. You were a hunter for fucks sake. You weren't about to let a little snowy hill be your demise. 

Once you had dropped yourself into place on the sled, Dean dropped down behind you; wrapping his arms securely around your waist.

A swarm of butterflies was set free in your stomach at the feel of his solid body behind your own, even threw the jackets and things you were wearing to stave off the cold. 

It didn't take much of a shove from either of you to get the sled moving. Dean's laugh pierced the air behind you, and you never wanted it to stop. It was the simple things about him that made you the happiest. Like the deep laugh, you rarely got to hear on a normal basis. 

"Come on, let's go again," he said, getting to his feet before helping you to your own before grabbing the sled. 

There was an almost childlike excitement on his face. There was no way you could have said no to him.

This was the first time Dean had ever been sledding, and as you prepared to go down again, you could see just how much Dean had been robbed as a child. 

John never bothered to take the kids sledding, or do any other fun activities with them. It was always his work, his obsession. It wasn't fair to them then, and it wasn't for now. It made Dean hard and turned him into the little grunt, the soldier, John's perfect little punching bag. 

You lost count of how many times the two of you had gone up and down that hill. When you were both finally so tired and cold you were both shivering, Dean decided to call it a day, but you had more fun than you could remember having in a very long time.

"I know it's late afternoon," Dean said as he climbed into Baby's warm interior. "But I could really go for some breakfast for supper." 

"Oh man, that sounds amazing," you agree, smiling at him as he pulled onto the main road and headed towards the little Waffle House that was just about three miles from the cabin the two of you were staying at.

Once you were both inside the warm restaurant, a cup of steaming coffee in hand, and your orders placed, you looked over at Dean who was looking through his text messages as he waited on his food. 

He looked ten years younger than he did when the two of you got here a few days ago. He was more relaxed, almost like a huge weight had been pulled off of his shoulders. It was the first time you could ever remember Dean being this at ease. You didn't want to go back to life once Christmas was over. You wanted him to have this all of the time, not just for a few days out of the year. 

"Sammy and Eileen are going to take a few days to get her moved into the bunker before we get back," he said, putting his phone away into his pocket, and reaching for your hand across the small table. "So when we get back we will have more people living with us again. It's been too quiet around there lately, it will be a nice change."

"So you're okay with a couple of newlyweds hanging around after they tie the knot, being disgustingly cute all over the place?"

Dean laughed in spite of himself, his thumb making little random patterns on the back of your hand. 

"Well, we will just have to be as annoyingly cute. Give ‘em a run for their money,” he said with a wink. 

A deep blush crept its way up your neck and all the way to the tips of your ears. So there was hope of him still being this close to you after you got home to the bunker? 

"I love it when you do that ya know?" 

"When I do what?" you asked him.

"Blush, it's adorable." 

Well damn if that didn't make it worse, and you hid your face in the bend of your arm. Dean reached across the table pulling your arm away from your face. 

"Don't hide from me pretty girl." 

Before you could respond the waitress appeared with your food, and Dean's eyes lit up like a child on Christmas morning as his pile of food that appeared in front of him. 

"So, day 6, what did you think?" he asks, mouth stuffed full of waffles, looking more adorable than a grown man ever had a right to.

"I loved it, it's been years since I'd been sledding."

Dean smiled into his coffee as his eyes stayed trained on yours. 

"Good, cause I was a little afraid by now you would be ready to get rid of me," Dean said, eyes still locked on yours. 

"What! Hell no! In fact, I don't want to leave!"

The confession slipped out before you could stop yourself. To your surprise, Dean looked relieved. 

"You know," Dean said, shifting nervously in his seat. "This doesn't have to end when we go home. I mean, we can still, ya know, spend time together."

The shock must have shown on your face, because Dean scrambled for his words as he reached around the food that was still sitting in front of the two of you, grabbing your hand in his. 

"I mean, that's only if you still want to spend time with me. If you haven't noticed, I really, really like you Y/N."

Your mind was reeling. Sure, Dean had kissed you, a lot by now, but you had refused to look too far into it because Dean Winchester, "doesn't do relationships." You were inadvertently trying to protect yourself from impending heartbreak, and you hadn't even realized that until now. 

"Dean, I thought you said...I thought l…" 

Words failed you, but Dean seemed to catch on to where you were going. 

"I know, I said I don't do relationships, but baby things have changed. Chucks gone, Jacks in charge, things are as they should be. I don't have a big target hanging over my head anymore. Being with me isn't a death sentence anymore." 

You swallowed hard, your heart was hammering against your rib cage like a jackhammer. 

You had always dreamed Dean would notice you, would want to be with you, but you would never let yourself hope it would ever happen. 

"Baby, say something, please."

You blinked hard and nodded your head. "I would love that Dean, but only if you're sure you want this."

Dean smiled widely, leaning across the small table and capturing your lips in a sweet kiss that had your toes curling in your boots. 

You could almost feel the shift in things between you and Dean, like a promise, or a bond that was formed. It was something you could cling to, almost tangible. As real as Dean's hand that was laced in yours as he made his way back to your little side of Heaven for the night. 

He had always had your heart, but knowing you had his? That was the best Christmas present you could ever get and by far the most precious.

Forever Tags: 

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Jensen and Dean’s Babes

@akshi8278​

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Series Tag List: 

@440mxs-wife​

[shinahbee]

January Favorites 2021!

GREETINGS

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February 06. 2021

Hello,

I actually wrote a lot for this month, perfect way to start off the new year! I have been catching up and watching some dramas and some of the new anime this season, which i’ll discuss a few down below. I’m just realizing that the manhwa recommendations list is growing very long and it reading those titles that i have discussed made me reminisce on some of them and most of which I would re read again. I tried to read some shoujo manga again and thought the stories were shit, so i don’t think i’ll ever go back. I’m thinking of starting some shoujo manhwa’s because I have a few titles that seemed like they might have an interesting plot line. I’ll list in in my favorites if I do end up reading those, but so far i’m still filtering the BL titles .lol.

I’m just going to put this out there now before you read the “Hell segment” I mentioned a few titles that were popular that i dropped and I listed the reasons why i dropped it, they are popular for a reason and if you like that and don’t take the plot line too seriously then that’s on you, but i don’t like the subject matter being glorified rather than “lesson learned” if you know what i’m saying so take my comments down there with a grain of salt...it’s just how i read it and interpreted the subject matter, it has nothing to do with the creator and their thoughts. This is going to apply to all of my reviews, they are just my opinions only so don't take what i say seriously if it you are offended that i happen to diss your favorite manga.

Anyways, i have no music recommendations this month all i have been listening to is podcasts, so listening to people talk about nothing.lol. That’s what my life has come to...

If you would like I can share a few that I have been listening to, let me know.

Alright, you all have a lot to read to i’ll just end here.

--------------------------------------------

MANHWA/MANGA/WEBTOONS

--------------------------------------------

Recap:

Whose baby is it? (ongoing)

Social temperature (ongoing)

Salad days (ongoing)

To be or not to be (ongoing)

Path to you (completed)

Here u are (completed)

BJ alex (completed)

No way, vampires don't exist (ongoing)

Unintentional love story (ongoing)

 Karasugoka don’t be shy! (Completed)

Semantic Error (ongoing)

 Tied up in Twins (Completed)

 My Suha (ongoing)

Crash into me (Completed)

Dine with a vampire (ongoing)

So crash into you is now finished and you can now read the entire thing, so happy it ended really well and of course if you have seen my last favorites journal I made and entire post dedicated to this manhwa. The story is really heart breaking and definitely deals with more adult and mature content and it really is disturbing in some parts, so viewer discretion is advised.

That’s all i have to announce as an update, the rest is still ongoing. This month I came up with certain themes for my hell segment, last month I started with some manhwa that all had a common theme of Scum antagonists that you will run into when reading these manhwa, some of which ranges from mild inconvenience to this piece of shit should be set on fire. If you have not read that please check it out and watch me rant about stupid people.

This week featured another theme that you will run into reading shounen ai/ yaoi manhwa and manga, it’s a very universal theme of “threesomes”...I don’t get it, I don’t get why people think that’s  okay to have three dicks in a room...i’m like there’s three dicks here, that’s way too many..lol. to each their own I guess, but i’ve selected three to talk about that also deals with mature themes and a bunch of people making poor decisions.

But before that, let’s talk about the normal shounen ai manhwa/manga that I have to recommend this month.

-----------------------------------------------

Welcome to heaven

-----------------------------------------------

1) Inner Beauty:

“Minjae’s been dumped. Fed up with their long distance relationship, his actress girlfriend Hye-Eun left him while he was “finding himself” in Australia. When Minjae rushes home and runs into Hye-Eun and her gorgeous new man, Woochan, at the airport, drama ensues. Amidst the chaos, the two love rivals bang heads. Upon waking, they discover they’ve changed bodies! Why have they switched? How will they cope? Will they ever be able to go back? Find out as Minjae and Woochan embark on a journey that takes “self-discovery” to a whole new level!”

Firstly this reminded me of the k-drama secret garden, if you have seen it you know that the main protagonists switched bodies at some point and with this manhwa, it happens in the first chapter. I liked how the relationship between the two boys started with minjae’s girlfriend leaving him for another man woochan, and after minjae and woochan switched bodies because he wanted to give the girlfriend a necklace as a gift , he switched bodies with woochan after bumping into him. They went to a shaman to seek out various ways to get back into their bodies while they find out things about each other that they were not aware of,  in the end minjae and woochan were drawn to each other. The necklace is a tribal ornament that has a mysterious power to show a person’s past through their dreams. It seems that the reason why their bodies keep switching was because there was another necklace that was similar that was supposed to be it's partner; they go a try to search for the mysterious phenomenon surrounding the necklace that leads to their relationships with other people changing.

my favorite part of this story is that woochan and his father didn't get along very well because of a misunderstanding, while other parents didn't admit to their mistakes, woochan's father wanted to do so and repair his relationship with woochan, which made the story more compelling. Theres so many manga plot lines whee the parent is abusive and harsh and never did they think it was thier fault, but in this story woochan's father mans up to the things he did and how it affected woochan and i'm really happy about that.

Another thing I like about this story is the end where woochan who was an actor turned director made a film about his and minjae’s relationship because he wanted their story to be remembered and inspire other relationships that were similar to their own to overcome their hardships. This story has so much meaning and it’s something I would recommend to anyone who just likes a good story.

2) False Memories (lee gpiee):

” Wan’s got a face that scares everyone away before he can really become friends with anyone. So when Ha-woon befriends Wan on his first day at his new school, Wan is elated. Ha-woon must be an angel! It doesn’t take long, though, for Ha-woon to betray him in a terrible way, and Wan discovers Ha-woon might be more devil than angel. But then an accident happens that gives Wan a second chance at friendship with his angel. And it all starts with one big, fat lie.”

This one is really interesting, it is about a boy named wan and he was the new transfer student at a new school and how despite how he looks he wanted make friends this time around. Hawoon met wan when he was climbed off of a tree and fell on him, he immediately took a liking to him and befriended him, being very grateful to have finally met a friend he wanted to be a very likable person to hawoon, but then it was discovered that hawoon had many secrets and is not the kind person he is portrayed to be. There was an incident where one of his followers was spying on him and he wanted wan to essentially beat that person up in front of his other gang members. Obviously wan didn’t want that and this caused some strife between the two of them and wan began to be bullied by hawoon and his gang members. Later hawoon was trying to escape from his brother who went to his apartment to look for him and ran into wan who hides him over night, things tooka turn for the worse when hawoon thinks wan is being really nosy about his business and pushes him away and that is when the guy who hawoon wanted to beat up his him on the head and hawoon woke up with amnesia. Being the only person who had witnessed that, wan brought hawoon back to his place, when hawoon woke up with no previous memories of wan he lied to him claiming to be his best friend and the tow of them started to pursue this new friendship, of course things don’t last forever and the both of them discovered that hawoon in fact had many secrets that he preferred to keep under wraps especially about his family.

I know a lot of comments have said that it was stupid to lie to him about being friends but I understand that it was wan’s way to know the real hawoon. Hawoon’s personality was built by the lack of trust he has received from people and he was never able to open up to a person about anything. I really liked how the incident ended up saving their relationship in the end and they have a lot of cute moments together while going from being friends to being in love with each other. This is a very wholesome story and if you like that plot you will like this story, it really is not complicated.

3) Hand in Hand:

“While running a small pharmacy in the outskirts of the city, Sam meets a mysterious and out of place patient. This man named noah who was covered in bruises every time he had stopped by the pharmacy, Sam noticed that he seems to be in worse shape every time they meet and became curious as to why that might be, one day he saw noah getting into a shady van with a bunch of people and discovered that this town had a secret that kept everyone involved very secretive. Noah who was discovered to be a part of that society still goes and sees sam in order to be close to him, sam was then reeled into his world and became part of that society that was kept hidden.”

Sorry I had to write that summary on my own cause I could not find a good summary, so basically the pharmacy was inherited by Sam when his father passed away in this small town, there was no one to take over for him so Sam had to give up his dream of staying away from this town to moving back to take over the family business, There one night upon closing he meets a man covered in bruises while coming in to buy some alcohol and cigarettes, he treated him because it looked painful and was curious about him,

This curiosity escalated when he saw him get into a van with a bunch of ugly dudes, the pharmacy assistant said that there were gangs running around and it was best to avoid these people. Sam made the assumption that it was these men that were beating that man up and decided to pull him away from them. Noah then introduced himself to sam as they walk back to noahs apartment and he showed some interest in sam and asked what he wanted as payment for his treatment, Sam of course didn’t want anything which made noah surprised, but relayed to him that the offer still stands when he feel like telling him.

Not only being curious that noah shows up in front of him each time with more bruises but the fact that he may have discovered the town had a secret.

It was in fact an underground gambling scene that caused a lot of people to be very irritable, noah was involved in this and called it “work” as he had a debt to pay back to the person that took him in. Sam didn’t want to be involved but because of his interest in noah the two of them became romantically involved upon a few meetings and Sam started to develop feelings for him and likewise noah was in love with Sam.  I’m not going to spoil the end because it was really intense, if you like mysterious plot points to your story this one will do the trick, it will keep you guessing as to what will happen next.

4) Stanning 101:

“Ji-Yul Park is an ordinary office worker who spends his spare time stanning a boy group, unlock and more specifically it’s leader, Jay.One day, he time travels back to his past where he encounters Juno, another idol and becomes his manager.What happenes when Juno develops feelings for Ji-Yul? Would Ji-Yul choose loyalty with Juno or his fanboy fantasy with Jay? And what is the purpose for Ji-Yul traveling back to the past-what is he supposed to repair or change?”

I’m not going to lie this title...don’t let it fool you, I thought this was going to be a satire on the whole K-pop fandom and just a story poking fun at k-pop fans...but boy was I fooled..LOL. This summary doesn’t even begin to describe how deep this story goes.

So as the summary says it’s about a fan named ji yul who is a stan of a group called “unlock” and his favorite member Jay was going to leave for military service and he was really bummed about not being able to see him for a while, so he went out drinking with his friends who share the same interest and cried his eyes out wishing that he could go back to the time when jay and his group first debuted.

And of course....that happened some how he was enabled into a time skip backwards to when the group first debuted. He first met up with a roommate that he was going to be sharing a room with, this was none other than juno a trainee a small company, Juno was a sensation later on in history and he was a rival of the unlock, and of course being a stand of jay he didn’t like the idea of being around juno. Upon meeting ji yul was already drunk and the next morning found juno and him had slept on the same bed, this made things between them awkward. But upon a series of events he became juno’s manager and inevitably began to understand the person juno is and how hard he worked, as well as his ties with jay. While trying to figure out what was the reason for the time skip he met another person who was sent back to the same time for a different reason his name was suho, and suho was here for another person named rose who was a in a different group. Rose is a sunbae of Juno’s and the two of them are acquainted, But there was something about Rose that was alluring and that made his “ sponsors” want to see him all the time, this lead to a lot of conflict within his group, saying that he’s the kind of person who would sleep around with anyone that has money.

Suho was a fan of rose and the reason he came back was because in his time he had found out that Rose had committed suicide, now....this is a topic that i feel very strongly about as you may know if you listen to k-pop news there are certain group members from famous groups that have committed suicide as of late, a lot of which was diagnosis of depression,

This story deals with not only suho having had gone through depression and suicide attempts but Rose who was going through that as well, Suho wanted to make sure rose stays alive, so when he was able to meet him he did all he can to be beside him and get him away from these sponsors that clearly only want one thing from him. This had made rose and suho close enough to develop romantic feelings towards each other, it gave rose the courage to confront the ceo from the company. In the end the company ceo was being a dick and tried to force rose to sleep with these people in order to get chances to be on screen and promote their group. One of their members knew from the start what rose had to go through and after rose was being hunted down by the ceo after disappearing, the member took footage from the ceo of all the nasty things he made rose do and gave it to Suho? I don’t remember this part well, but suho somehow go the usb footage and saw that rose had been sexually abused and assaulted by those men. Rose had went to see suho at the time and saw that he found the footage, at that moment he wanted to jump off the railings because he felt ashamed, but suho explained that it was rose’s music that saved him from doing the same thing he tried to do which was of course suicide.

Needless to say, at least in this story suho’s love for rose was able to keep him alive and as soon as suho w able to convey that he had disappeared and asked rose to find him in the future. I chose to write about Suho’s story because I just want to put it out there that suicide and depression are real struggles and to please seek help as soon as you can. Back to ji yul and juno, they in fact had developed feelings for each other and ji yul was sent back because he was in car accident with juno and in the both of them lost their memory of each other that was why ji yul only remembered Jay and being a fan of unlock while not remembering the times he shared with juno and how much he loved him. This made. He was able to tell juno after some time that he is in fact from the future and the both of them tried different ways to preserve the time that they had before ji yul would be sent back. Ji yul tried to defy fate but it turns out the accident happened to juno being in the car without having him there, meaning things will still take its course and you can cheat fate. So ji yul grabbed juno who was still unconscious and put him into the passenger’s seat and said his goodbyes to him, wishing for them to meet again even though knowing that it could be impossible for them to be together in the future he drove into the upcoming traffic. Ji yul woke up again back in the time he belonged the only thing he can remember was seeing juno’s picture in front of him and tears leaving his eyes.

Omg this is a k-drama all in one package, this is where i’ll stop because the manhwa is not finished, so if you liked my summary of it so far please read the actual thing, you will not be disappointed, I promise you.

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Welcome to hell

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I don’t know how to begin this segment after writing all of that for the heaven’s segment, those stories were just so good compared to the trash that i’m about to share here. But most of the trashiest stories have more complex plot points than normal stories. I mean you need to go through hell to come out the other side right?

*warning* this section talks about mature content! 18+ only, read at your own risk!

Let’s begin then.

1) Private lessons:

“Hajoon has been crushing on Eun-woo ever since they started college together, but he hasn’t had any opportunities to get close with him. At least they have a class together this semester: a lecture taught by the popular Professor Seo Joohyuk. Hours after the first class, Hajoon remembers he left his assignments in the classroom. Upon reaching the lecture hall, he becomes witness and accomplice to a series of private lessons Joo-hyuk is giving Eun-woo—lessons that unleash his own deepest, riskiest desires.”

I’m starting off strong ...oh where to begin? This story has so many messed up characters, I’d have to say all three of them are messed up. Firstly I don’t care if your professor looks like a  dilf (urban dictionary if you don’t know what it means) you should never get involved with them. Lol. And I don’t know what school you people go to to have professors that look like this...all of mine were crusty old men who were mean and arrogant.

I makes me sick to think that there are some older men that would take advantage of people like the way Joohyuk did with Eunwoo and Hajoon. Hajoon just wanted to get Eunwoo’s attention, but because of joohyuk, he took “notice me senpai” to the next level. but I guess i understand from hajoon’s point of view that if he does nothing, he will never be change his relationship, so if he liked him then getting involve would be a way in. Eunwoo was so enthralled with joohyuk that he would just be a sex partner knowing that he would never have potential feelings for him in the end. I did feel sorry for him at first but then there was this part in the story where they were all preparing for this festival thing and he and hajoon were in a group and had to be waiters for the night of the festival, this was when eunwoo started to somewhat show interest in hajoon. Then that fricken dilf was like “you’re doing things on your own and i’m going to show you why you shouldn’t defy me...” or something like that, asserting dominance saying that eunwoo would always choose me over you to hajoon, and indeed on the night of the festival when he was supposed to work, shit went down between hajoon and this senior and fight broke out while hajoon was defending eunwoo , only later to find out that eunwoo was screwing the dilf in his office while all this was going on, I think i felt my veins snap...this idiot had the audacity to f around with that dilf while hajoon was working his ass off and even defended him. Smh....anyways in the end Eunwoo fell in love with hajoon and gave up on his feelings over joohyuk, knowing that joohyuk will always look at his other partner seojin. So in the end it worked out, but this whole story is a dumpster fire of trash.

So moral of this story is don’t get involved with dilfs, don't simp for them...lol. Just don’t do it. I don’t recommend this story for the content but if you are into trash and BDSM, then maybe this is the one for you.

2) Behind the scenes:

“Korea’s hunkiest top model Woo Taeyoung has decided to try his hand at acting once more. No more of those teen heartthrob roles, Taeyoung has his eyes set on a much more…mature role. And when he finds out his idol, the dreamy Koo Min-ki, is set to be one of the main actors of the film, he is even more determined to get the role as his co-star. The two seem to have a natural chemistry with each other…both on and off screen. Will this end up helping their performances? Or will it cause their worlds to come crashing down?”

This story is a also a dumpster fire of flaming garbage, it starts off with a model turned actor named taeyoung who works mainly as a model but is secretly a fan boy of another famous actor named minki and he went to his fan signing in disguise, only to be discovered by the fans and cause a racket and minki ended up injuring himself. This caused taeyoung to be able to meet minki in the most embarrassing way, but he wanted to make it up to him by helping him until his injury was recovered. One night minki was driven home by taeyoung and they ran into another popular actor named wonho...(monsta x..lol. i’m so kidding don't kill me...) and this dude saw minki coming out of taeyoung’s car and immediately became violent...

there it is red flag!

Turns out wonho was minks boyfriend, taeyoung only knew that his favorite actor minki was in a 10 year long relationship with his girlfriend, says the media, but he didn’t know that it was a man...and this violent piece of shit at that. Taeyoung had heard rumors of wonho being excessively violent to anyone who comes near minki and anyone who has worked with him always was threatened by wonho. So even though taeyoung reluctantly left minki with wonho he still was really worried, rightfully so.

Wonho is the worst kind of garbage out there; even being in a relationship he still forced minki into having sex with him. This is rape, even if you are in a relationship it means the same thing it’s non consensual and disgusting. Not only this but being violent to everyone that is near minki, is enough for anyone to end this relationship. But minki was that idiot who believed that the old  wonho he once knew  would come back one day and so this ongoing relationship abuse lasted for a long time. Taeyoung of course got an opportunity to make his acting debut, and auditioned for the of minki’s character’s lover, it was the first queer film in production so to the director it was a passion project that he wanted to see succeed. He passed the audition and showed his potential and chemistry with minki on screen very well, so the director was happy casting him in the role. But of course guess who finds out and showed up on the film set...wonho. He obviously made minki uncomfortable and also taeyoung, but in series of events taeyoung went to the bathroom and found wonho and minki making out inside and realized the person he admired was gay and was in a relationship with wonho for a long time. Later on he got to know minki more and found that he had romantic feelings towards him rather than just admiration. Because minki and wonho’s relationship was abusive minki was contemplating on ending it but didn’t have the courage to, it was taeyoung who showed genuine feelings for minki that was able to push minki to move forward. So while this was going on, wonho was in fact being sponsored by a certain person in order to get roles in his acting career, this person was taeyoung’s cousin...yeah i know messed up,. This dude is very toxic and made things go wrong between wonho and minki and that’s how their relationship went downhill for 10 years. Anyways to sum it all up a lot of stuff went down and wonho’s actions were no longer acceptable and as soon as minki found out this ongoing sexual relationship between wonho and taeyoung’s cousin, he broke it off with him finally and moved around different places for a while since wonho would not leave his apartment he couldn’t go back. Taeyoung and minki ended up dating each other now and he succeeded as a model turned actor with this role. Wonho after a series of events was able to let minki go after seeing him one last time and apologizing for everything he’s done to him. The movie was very successful and won many awards and the ending of the series just showed taeyoung and minki talking about their relationship on screen and off screen to the viewers...hence the title “behind the scenes”

Okay this trash made me angry and sad at the same time since it talked about a relationship that has gone bad and two people refusing to leave it since they have been together for a long time. You know when you should end things and if a person starts to change there is no way for them to be the same again. So all in all this story is really good for depicting all sorts of relationship issues and drama. I would say yes give this read because the story itself says a lot about the writer and how they think. This is one of those stories the pull you into the depths of hell and once you resurface your see things in a different perspective.

3) Turn off the camera:

“Yeon Jihoon is the leader of an idol group that’s hit a dead-end in their career. Now, he’s received a golden opportunity to save his group: a spot on the year’s most anticipated reality show, where he’ll spend two weeks living and filming with top stars Do Yoojin and Seon Yohan. The one threat to the show’s success? Yoojin and Yohan won’t stop having sex with each other. To stop a scandal from tanking the show and his career, Jihoon must keep his co-stars’ antics hidden from the cameras at all costs. Will Jihoon be able to keep these steamy shenanigans a secret for two weeks? And will he survive when both of his co-stars turn their attention on him?”

This is some straight up kinky garbage, like the description says, jihoon got the opportunity to promote his group by becoming a member in an upcoming reality show with two popular actors, the show is a reality show of the three of them living together doing daily activities while cameras are installed in their home. You can see where this is going right? When jihoon first arrived into the house to greet the other two actors; yoojin and yohan and he found the two of them in a room having doing sexual acts and even tried to cover for them when the camera crew arrived up stairs in the room.

After several attempts of the other two actors having sex at different points in time jihoon became very aware of the fact that they were doing this for the fun of not being able to get caught having sex on camera. So basically this was like a fun game to the two actors.

Yoojin and yohan were caught the third time by jihoon while having sex on the kitchen table and so the three of them had a discussion and jihoon made them sign an agreement not to touch him...of course that didn’t work and he was caught in unfortunate circumstances surrounding the both of them, to the point where both sex partners started to want to pursue jihoon for themselves.lol

This manhwa is just straight up kinky trash, it is meant to be a satire on three some relationships and not meant to be taken seriously, so just going by that, there’s not much point to the story, it’s not in depth it’s just interesting to watch jihoon reject these actors advances in order to save his virginity.lol. I feel like from the recent chapters jihoon maybe more interested in yoojin than yohan so i’m waiting to see if yohan even has a chance to be on jihoon’s radar.

This is still ongoing and it only has 20 chapters so far so i don’t have that much to say about it, this was just something really normal in terms of yaoi to read while I was reading some dark stories, the art is really nice too if that is of any interest to you.

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So there are a couple of series that are quite popular that I have left out because I have dropped then fairly early on.  one series called “Hate or Love” which i started a while back then and didn’t like the whole plot of having an abusive sibling forcing another sibling into a sexual relationship... i’m like nope...

This manhwa should have just been called “ Domestic boyfriend” I would have avoided it all together, because I have read “Domestic girlfriend” it is essentially the theme, and a giant dumpster fire of flaming garbage.

The main reason i stopped it was because the other person that I was hoping the main guy would end up with didn’t end up as the “ winner” well from what the comments said anyways, cause i stopped fairly early on when i found out the guy i liked was not going to be the end game, that makes me sad cause from the early chapters that i have read, there was a lot of sexual tension between the two of them and I was hoping this author would not push abusive sibling relationship as the plot...but looks like she did ...and i don’t care for it and find it gross...but that’s my morals, even if they were not siblings by blood they grew up together as siblings...that’s still vastly inappropriate. I'm used to it since I grew up with Japanese anime and manga with incest themes, but it still bothers me.... Vampire knight...

Even if they were not even related, i still would not like that red haired dude regardless cause his character seems like a dick, and i don’t think he suffered enough consequences for his actions to make him a redeemable character in my opinion. And also...out of 7 billion people on this earth, you would rather be with your brother...smh.

Also if we are talking about using sibling relationships in a sexual way as a plot line, then how i interpret this manhwa is that it is focused on more of glorifying abuse and sexual relations between siblings rather than making the subject matter more serious, if you know what I mean. But to each their own if you just read it because it interests you then feel free to do so, i’m not interested and decided to just drop it early on.

The other one is called “ Yours to claim” another popular series but again I don’t like dark haired dude,  I think he’s a dick and if it was me I’d choose the blonde guy, he seems like he would be a person that would treat me better. I just don’t understand the appeal of being treated like shit by people, if anyone treats you like that...please dump their ass! Because It’s not okay! Both of these have the “ other guy “ as the better option for a potential relationship but they always choose the other messed up abusive/ bad boy and i just don’t why...i just feel disappointed but literally not surprised since it’s an ongoing trope in any sort of romance based media.

But needless to say there is nothing for us as the audience to do but to read them, we don't make any calls on who the person ends up with and the plot lines that happen in the story, so that is that i guess.

I’m having a mental breakdown just thinking about these two series, i included then briefly cause they fall into this weeks’ theme of trash.

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MUSIC

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Nothing special to share in this department this month, mostly listening to podcasts .lol.

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K-DRAMAS/SHOWS

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The tale of nokdu:

I described this drama as the mulan reversal, if you know the story of mulan, she dresses up as a man and goes into the imperial army camp to fight in the war in place of her father, nokdu is an adopted child that was suddenly hunted down by a bunch of assassins one day and instead of fleeing with his father and older brother he decided to follow the assassin into the city since he was able to injure them in the leg. He followed the assassin into town and was almost able to catch them when he was suddenly arrested from a disturbance another young man in town has caused. Later he found out that the assassin was heading to a village that was out of sight and exclusively to women, in order for him to go in he would need to dress up as a woman, the opportunity arose when he helped a young woman escape from the village with her husband and she gave him her clothes in exchange for his to escape. He then infiltrates the village and now has to chase after the assassin and try to kill the mastermind behind the assault on his family. But what he discovers was more than what it seems. This is 16 episodes and is completed if you want to watch it; I recommend it since its really good.

True beauty:

Everyone and their mother is watching this web toon turned drama, I say this cause my sister who gave up watching any k-dramas watched this one and read it...this is something, she doesn’t like a lot of things so i decided to watch it after she told me it was good. I watched it and I didn’t like it mainly because the problems in here is very much a young adult type of problem, like having acne and having to deal with bullies at school, these are all problems you mainly deal with when younger so none of this drama is relatable so I didn’t enjoy it. If you like the high school romance drama setting you might like this, but I have watched so much more meaningful dramas, this doesn’t do it for me.

That’s all the dramas I have watched so far, I mainly have been listening to podcasts instead of watching anything, I find it hard to find an interesting drama to watch these days, I have been enjoying listening to people talk about nothing lol.

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ANIME

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Haikyuu:

Finished Haikyuu season 4 part 2, I left this for a while so that all the episodes were finished and every time I watch it i gives me the same feeling every time. This part focuses on a lot of characters that were not fully flushed out in the first few seasons, like tanaka and nishinoya and one of the bench players...i forgot his name. I really like their portrayal of hinata this season he really is the saving grace of karasuno, not because of his obscure skills in volleyball or incredible stamina but because he’s playing volleyball because he loves it and it is fun even if the stakes are high. I feel a lot of the players here this season were so stressed they forgot that the game is supposed to be fun, and he keeps reminding them that it is what it is and that they should live in the moment. I loved seeing that develop in his character because i feel like there was too much focused on kageyama for a while and I wanted to see more of hinata’s growth.

So I was pleased with season 4 and I can’t wait to see more, haikyuu is really one of those anime that people are widely talking about now and it really is well deserved.

Skate the infinity:

Another sports anime about skate boarding, the animation is really nice and art style is really beautiful. I know there are so many sports anime out there now but this one is really interesting, I like the relationship between the two main characters reki and langa, it reminds me of the friendship between riku and sora in Kingdom hearts, reki teaches langa how to skate board from scratch and langa being a previous snow boarder was able to race one of the best contenders in the underground skating rink and beat them in a match but of course he isn’t a genius so he wanted to learn everything from the ground up since he thought it was fun. Lol. I like seeing the progress so far in their skating journey, this anime is really wholesome.

Dr. Ramune mysterious disease specialist:

This is a very satire anime, It is really comedic and deals with a doctor treating weird diseases, like the first episode there was a girl with a disease that made her cry out condiments as tears. It's actually very interesting in terms of the types of diseases they treat in each episode and how he uses these magical items to do so, that is a really bad explanation for this show but please watch it .It’s interesting so far and I’ll write more as it finishes.

so as a finishing statement, I hope you all enjoyed the favorites for January, I have been able to catch up on a lot of things which is why I have so many things to talk about this month, I already have the next theme for the Hell segment planed out for next month, so I can't wait to share that, if you like the manhwa recommendations and my excessive ranting so far.

until then. please take care of yourself and your love ones ! lunar new years is coming up, have a great year and I hope 2021 will be a lot better please follow me on my social media listed below if you'd like

thanks!

sheena

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SOCIAL MEDIA

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Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

Deviantart: she-be.deviantart.com

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[speuradair]

After School Lesson | M.N.

(Author’s Note- This is a reupload of a fic I posted a few months ago. I realized that it was deleted at some point? I’m not sure how or why, but here it is again lol)

Word Count: 3.1k

Contains: Death mention, swearing, angst, injury

Requested: by @technolilly​

“Hi! How about a Makoto X Reader where Makoto, Kyoko, and the reader were the three most suspicious people in the Mukuro trial. During the trial, Reader takes the blame off Makoto but at the last second Kyoko throws the reader under the bus, meaning everyone voted for reader so she was executed? Alter ego saves her and then Makoto and Kyoko rescue her from the garbage? Basically just make the first half really angsty and then have a happy reunion? Feel free to change anything you want! Tysm! “

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“Being optimistic is the only thing I’m good at.” - Makoto Naegi

-

Thousands of horrific incidents happened everyday. People got attacked, things got stolen, accidents happened. It was just a fact of life. Yet somehow, even after hearing news reports of heinous crimes everyday of your almost eighteen years of life, you’re still never prepared for anything horrific to happen to you.

Then again, this kind of thing was recognizably unprecedented. In all of those newscasts you’d heard, both actively and passively, you’d never heard about anything like this. How could you have possibly prepared to be thrown into the midst of a Killing Game? 

Though it was hard to keep track of the days while being secluded away, you were certain you’d been trapped in Hope’s Peak Academy for at least a month. There had been over 730 hours to process this, but it still didn’t feel real. Maybe on some level you were subconsciously clinging onto a false shred of hope that this was just a night terror, or maybe your mind just wasn’t willing to admit that things really were this dire. Regardless of the reasoning, you’d spent your days here in an unlikely mix of dread and apathy. You were both hyper-aware and numb. 

And somehow, even in moments of heightened tension like this one, you found yourself spacing out and losing small chunks of time. You hadn’t even noticed you’d zoned out at first, and you certainly hadn’t intended to, but you realized you’d missed the last minute or so of the Class Trial. In circumstances like this, not catching a minute’s worth of conversation could have been a deadly mistake.

“Without my room key, I couldn’t have possibly put the locker key in there myself.”

Kirigiri was still debating Byakuya’s claim that she must’ve killed Mukuro, as the key to the locker holding the believed murder weapon was found in her room. Thankfully, that meant you couldn’t have missed anything too revolutionary. You took this to be reassuring and allowed your gaze to deviate from the two arguing over to the brown haired boy standing at the podium beside yours. The trial was in full swing and Makoto looked as pensive as everyone in the room did, but he still remembered to keep a tight, reassuring grip on your hand as you stood in the space next to his. While preoccupied with pinning the culprit, there was still a part of his mind focused on comforting you. 

“Does no one have any objections? Do you accept what Kirigiri is saying?” 

After receiving only silence , Byakuya sighed. “I see. We have no choice but to accept it. It wasn’t Kirigiri who put the locker key in her room, but someone else.”

“But.. who is ‘someone else’? Toges, you had Kiri’s key, right?” Hiro questioned. 

“Yes, but I have an alibi. After 10 p.m., I was with you all. It’s not possible for me to have murdered Mukuro Ikusaba or to have put the key in Kirigiri’s room.”

“Then who did put the key in Kiri’s room?” Byakuya was quick to answer Hiro again. “There’s only one reasonable possibility- He had the key with him and pretended as though he found it in Kirigiri’s room.” “You’re talking about... Naegi?” Aoi’s voice cracked a bit as she spoke, a look not unlike betrayal clouding over her soft features. 

“That’s the only explanation.”

“That’s not possible,” You spoke up without a second thought, though your voice was weaker than you had intended, “While we were investigating in the bio lab, Makoto gave me his jacket, and there definitely wasn’t anything in his pockets then. We went straight to the garden so he could meet with Byakuya after that, so he couldn’t have stopped to get it. If it wasn’t in his jacket, where else would he have been able to hide that bulky key without you noticing he had it?”

“Hm, I suppose that is a fair point. It would have been rather difficult to conceal it just beneath his shirt..” Byakuya looked away again in thought, seemingly satisfied with your reasoning.

“He actually took off his jacket? I didn’t think he ever took that thing off...”

“Oh yeah, he totally did! (Name) was still wearing it when they came into the garden! She even had her hands in the pockets,” Aoi confirmed to Yasuhiro, her voice brighter now that her friend didn’t seem like the culprit. 

“You had his jacket, (name)?” Kyouko raised her hand to her chin in thought, “It’s true that Makoto clearly didn’t have the key in his pocket when he gave her his jacket, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t in his pocket when he got it back.”

“Huh?” 

Other than Makoto, Kirigiri was the student you trusted the most. You’d covered for her multiple times, and followed her command even when you didn’t understand her motives or reasoning. You had offered to let her stay in your room with you last night when Byakuya confiscated her key. In a normal high school scenario, you wouldn’t have hesitated to call her one of your best friends. 

She couldn’t possibly be implying what you thought… right? 

“If the key wasn’t in his pocket this morning and he never stopped back at his dorm, he couldn’t have had it when the murder took place. Yet somehow it was in his pocket by the time he needed to plant it in my room,” she spoke with an almost chilling certainty. “There was only one person who would have had the opportunity to pass the key off to him in time.”

She sounded calm, not at all like someone accusing their friend of murder. 

“Hold on-” Makoto raised his hands defensively, unintentionally tugging the one in your grasp away rather harshly. He wasn’t happy when he was under suspicion, but now she was accusing you? 

But Kyouko didn’t yield. 

“Makoto was the only person who could have placed the key in my room, but there’s only one person who could have had it when Mukuro was killed. There’s also only one person that Makoto would be willing to cover for- his girlfriend.”

“What?!” you practically spit out your response. 

“H-hold on a second! That’s not what happened!” Makoto was reeling. “Let’s think things through again! There’s something at work behind the scenes here- there has to be! This whole class trial doesn’t make any sense, don’t you guys agree?! Mukuro Ikusaba, who we’d never seen before, suddenly shows up dead… and there’s a class trial for it?! A- and Kirigiri was saying, too, that this is all a trap set by the Puppetmaster! So it’s gotta be-” 

Monokuma’s shrill voice cut off Makoto’s desperate rambling. “Okay! Time’s up!”

“What?”

“Time’s uuuup! The Class Trial is oooover! So there’s no need to talk about anything else!” 

“W- what the hell? We’re out of time?” Makoto replied first, your reaction trailing quickly after. 

“Hold on, what do you mean? That’s not fair!”

“We’ve never had a time limit!” Suddenly even Kyouko looked panicked, her restraint and conviction having vanished as the trail was definitively ended. There was no going back. 

“All thanks to your tardiness, Kirigiri! ‘Cause of you, we were tight on time! With that said, you guys, it’s Ballot Time! Please cast your ballot using the switch in front of you!”

Makoto’s green eyes met yours as you both turned towards each other at the same time. The look of pure trepidation and disbelief etched onto his features must’ve mirrored yours perfectly. 

“Ballot… time?”

-

“I’m… the culprit?” your voice was soft, almost too quiet for even your boyfriend beside you to hear it. 

“N-no, that’s not right, guys-” Makoto was immediately shaking his head in shock and confusion, his hand reaching out for yours again desperately as he tried to make a last minute plea for them to believe him. Your words cut him off though, the panic fully setting in. 

“That’s not right! I didn’t do it! Th- this doesn’t make any sense!” 

“It’s time for another super exciting, heart-pounding punishment!!”

Your gaze directly snapped to Kirigiri, who looked even paler than usual- as if the weight of what her lies had caused was setting in. You’d had her back this entire time, and she blamed you. She framed you.  “W- why me?”

“I have no illusions for earning your forgiveness, because all of this is my fault..” her response was simple and to the point, just like her answers always were. She was acting like she usually did, except that she’d just betrayed you in the most brutal way possible. 

“Kirigiri, tell them-” Makoto made his own frantic appeal for her to clear this up, to do anything to stop them from ripping you away from him. He moved urgently, throwing his arms around you and clutching you to his chest. They couldn’t just execute you when you weren’t the actual culprit, right? This wasn’t how this game was supposed to be played. 

Yet Monokuma insisted, and you were forcefully dragged away from your boyfriend’s secure embrace. 

“Let’s get the ball rollin’! It’s punishment time!”

You have been found guilty. Time for the punishment! 

The sharp fibers of the ropes around your legs and wrists dug into your skin, dispelling any chance you had at convincing yourself that this was just some bad dream. You could feel the frayed rope stabbing your skin, the sputtering of the conveyor belt below your desk, the shake that spread through the room with every 

Thud 

thud

thud

Of the giant machine pounding into the ground behind you. 

Almost against your own will, you were flailing against the chair, screaming and sobbing, begging for help. No one could help you, no matter how hard you screamed, and flailing only made the sharp rope cut into your skin more than it already was. 

This wasn’t how this was supposed to end. You’d promised Makoto that the two of you would take down the Mastermind and get out of here together, yet somehow, you’d ended up in the execution chair. For a crime you didn’t commit. This was it, this was how you went. You had lost and there was nothing you could do about it. 

You were going to be blackened, and you had to accept it.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you tried to calm yourself, though your chest still shook with sobs. 

You thought of Makoto. You thought of how he’d been so reassuring and supportive during your time here. How he’d pull you into his side when you got too overwhelmed, or hold your hand when you investigated together. How warm he felt when he’d squeeze you into a tight hug, or how nice his jacket smelled when he let you wear it. How he could never tie his uniform tie correctly. How he had looked at you with pure love in his eyes that day while lying together under a sakura tree outside of the school, with the warm sun filtering through the petals onto your skin… when had that happened?

But a sudden new sound startled you and you opened your eyes without thinking. The heavy foot of the machine had frozen, and was now giving off a grating buzzing noise as if it was trying with all its power to still move, to still crush. 

You almost missed it in your surprise, but out of the corner of your eye you caught a familiar face flash onto the screen in front of you. Alter Ego? 

Then you were falling. The foot had stopped, but the conveyor belt had kept going and the desk rolled off of it, sending you flying backwards into the dark. 

Your eyes opened slowly, fogginess swelling in your mind as you tried to remember what happened and where you were.  Unfortunately, it only took a few moments for the violent memories of the trial and execution to come flooding back to you. The crushing block had halted, but then you fell backwards, still tied tight to the old wooden desk. Splintered bits of that desk lied around you, seemingly having shattered on impact. That same impact must've knocked you unconscious, but you were most definitely alive. Alter Ego had stopped the execution. 

You weren’t sure where you had ended up at first; it wasn’t a part of the school you’d seen before. Considering the rancid smell and large piles of garbage, there was really only one place it could be- the bottom of the trash chute. 

Pushing through the pounding headache pulsing from your neck, you stood to your feet to study your surroundings. Did you still have to watch out for Monokuma and the Mastermind, or had they presumed you to be dead? Had they all presumed you to be dead? Naturally your thoughts returned to Makoto- had he assumed you were dead? That thought made you feel even more nauseous than you had been from your probable concussion. There was a chance that everyone had written off trying to help you, even your boyfriend. You wanted to believe that he wouldn’t stop looking for you until he was absolutely certain you were gone, but your frayed nerves coaxed you to dwell on that feeling, that despair, of being totally forgotten. 

Salty tears slipped onto your lips, the sudden taste snapping you back to reality a bit. You hadn’t even realized you were crying at first. What was the point of crying now? That wasn’t going to accomplish anything other than intensifying your dehydration. The only productive thing you could do was to search for food, water or a way out. 

The large door at the front of the room was bolted shut. Of course it was. All of the food was rotten. Of course it was. With no way out and no food to eat, the only thing you could do was to give into the exhaustion- both mental and physical. 

So you slept. You hadn't really slept since this killing game had started, and though this wasn't any less tense of a situation, it was the first time in a while where there wasn't anything to do. There was no investigating to do or people to watch out for. Down here, the only thing you could do was feed that need to sleep. 

A loud thud shook the ground and startled you awake, your eyes immediately scanning the area cautiously. Nothing looked different at first, but you were certain that something heavy had just fallen down. Then you noticed that all too familiar green jacket peeking out of what must have been a new pile of trash bags. 

"M- Makoto?!" 

He groaned for a second, trying to recover from the rough landing, before his green eyes flickered open. They met with yours, and somehow, even in this twisted situation, his gaze still made your heart race. 

"(Name)! You're okay!" The clumsy boy scrambled to his feet as quickly as he could, trying not to slip on the trash he'd fallen down with. He barely wasted a second to steady himself before throwing his arms around you, pulling you into his chest as tightly as he could.  

It almost didn't feel real, like maybe you'd hallucinated him out of desperation and hunger from the last day or so of being down here alone. You hugged him back just as tightly, as if he might slip away if you didn't cling to him. Despite the lingering scent of trash around you, he still smelled as comforting and nice as you remembered. He still ran his fingers through your hair soothingly like he usually did. He still felt like home. 

He was really here, he'd come to save you. 

After a few moments of clinging to each other in silence, he lifted his fingers from your hair, a soft gasp leaving his lips. “Your head was bleeding?”

“I guess I landed wrong,” you tried to joke, though your laugh was breathy and unconvincing. Your dizziness and headache implied a concussion, but you weren’t ready to volunteer that information to him yet. In turn he pulled away to look you over completely

 “You look so much better than I expected though! I kinda thought maybe you wouldn't be..." He didn't dare finish that thought. He'd come entirely too close to losing you too many times for him to even say it out loud anymore. "I was really worried about you." 

"I wasn't sure you'd come after me," you confessed softly, burying your face in his shoulder as you leaned into him again. 

"I'll... always come after you." He pressed an endearing kiss to your messy, splayed hair as a flustered blush set in on his cheeks. Even after going through all of this together and being together like you had, Makoto still got embarrassed from affection and admitting his feelings so blatantly.

“I brought you food and water.”

He didn’t need to tell you twice. You reached out to grab what he was holding immediately. Simple bread and water had never seemed so delicious. 

After waiting for you to finish eating, which admittedly didn’t take very long, he laced his long fingers with yours. “C’mon, we need to get you out of here.”

“How? That door is locked and there’s no way we can climb high enough to go back out through the trash chute..” 

He flashed you that knowing, assured grin that you loved so much. It couldn’t have been more than a few days since you’d seen him, but seeing him smile at you like that again was enough to make you want to cry and cling to him tighter than you ever had before. Had there been no rush to get out of this hole, you would’ve done just that. 

His free hand disappeared into his jacket pocket for just a second before returning into sight with a shiny silver key in its grasp. 

“Kirigiri… gave you the Monokuma key?” After her dedicated attempt to frame you in the last trial, you weren’t too hopeful that she would be helpful in rescuing you. “Why?”

“It’s… a long story, that she wants to tell you herself, but she’s really close to figuring everything out. She’s the one who snuck me into the trash room and down the chute,” he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly with his free hand. “She’s waiting to let us out through the trapdoor there now. On the other side of that door there should be a ladder that leads back up.”

“She’s almost found the Mastermind?”

He nodded earnestly.

“Good. I want to get out of this stupid school. I want us to get out together.”

“Me too,” he promised softly, “But right now we have to get you out of this horrible place.”

[thelastspeecher]

20 First Lines

I got tagged by @novantinuum to do this, and it seemed pretty fun!

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories.  See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 authors!

I won’t be tagging anyone else bc I’m too lazy, but if you wanna do it, feel free to do so and claim that I tagged you lol.  So, here’s the first lines of my 20 last posted writes, from most recent to oldest.

Honestly, I thought more first lines would just be dialogue.   That’s one of my go-to’s.  And I swear, I’m not opposed to titling my writes.  I like titling them.  I’m just...really bad at coming up with titles.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

1. A Kiss From a Nixie

Stan and Angie stared silently at each other. Angie suddenly turned beet red.

2. Stan Falls in Love With a Frog

Stan sat on the edge of the dock, looking out over the water of Lake Gravity Falls.  In the fading light, mist curled above the lake surface.  He sighed and reeled his fishing line back in.

3. Untitled Superhero/villain AU prompt

Angie walked into HQ, nerves fluttering in her stomach. Despite being a villain for a couple years now, she had yet to come into work alone.  But Lute was currently next to the toilet in their house, occasionally throwing up.  She headed for the secretary to pick up her assignment for the day.  The secretary looked up and raised an eyebrow.

4. Untitled Angie and her sibs prompt

“Ooh, cookies!”  Violynn looked down.  Her youngest sibling, six-year-old Banjey, stood by her side, staring with wide eyes at the tray of cookies Violynn had just finished.

5. Untitled Best Revenge AU prompt

Angie’s alarm went off.  She groaned loudly.

6. Untitled Smallville AU ficlet

Stan and Ford walked down the dirt road that led to the McGucket Farm.  Lute had called that morning to let them know that his twin sister had come back from boarding school and was settled in enough for visitors.

7. Untitled Restaurant AU prompt

Angie waited by the entrance of her apartment complex.  Stan had followed her in his red El Diablo, but since he didn’t have a parking spot like her, he had to park a couple blocks away.  He walked up, visibly winded.  She raised an eyebrow.

8. Closure?

Max waited patiently in the back of the classroom for the kindergarten teacher to introduce him.  One of his favorite things about being a hero was coming to school classes to tell them about what he did.  And kindergarteners were always the best audiences.  Their wide-eyed enthusiasm was infectious.

9. Skins and Stones

“We’re gonna need to dig out Junior’s child leash for Emory,” Stan said to Angie.  He, Angie, and the kids were at the park, enjoying some fresh air and letting the oldest three run off their extra energy.  Angie looked over at Emory, who, along with his twin Emmett, was a few months old.  She raised an eyebrow.

10. Finally, Some Ford Content

Ford slowly woke up.

11. Untitled Best Revenge AU ficlet

Junior babbled excitedly at Stan as he went over the results of their latest hit.

12. Masks

Angie and Max sat high up in one of the tallest trees in the apple orchard.  It was the only place on the McGucket farm with some semblance of privacy.

13. Junior

The front door slammed open.  Angie stormed into the living room, where Lute and Stan were waiting for her to come back.  After finding out Max had cheated on her, she had immediately gone over to trash his place.

14. Untitled Best Revenge AU ficlet

Max let out a heavy sigh as he stared at the canned vegetables.

15. Best Revenge

Max took a deep breath.  He got out of his car and slowly walked up to Lute’s house.

16. Untitled Spy AU prompt

Ford took a drink from his glass of water.  His hands were shaking with anxiety.

17. Origins

Stan fell flat on his face into the sand.

18. Untangling

Stan and Angie followed the McGuckets into the living room.  Mrs. McGucket looked around the room with a slight grimace.

19. Untitled Restaurant AU prompt

“I still think it was a mistake to not be open later ‘n usual,” Angie said as she wiped down a table.  “If we stayed open until, say, midnight instead of the usual closin’ time of eight, we could’ve catered to couples lookin’ fer a place to have Valentine’s dinner.”

20. Untitled Angenie AU prompt

“But her aim is gettin’ better!” Stan said jovially to the oil lamp carefully buckled in the passenger seat.  Soft chuckling came from said oil lamp.  Stan grinned, glad the joke had landed.  “Y’know, not enough people appreciate my sense of humor.”

[moonshoesnikki]

Behind Enemy Lines

Bso this is the new full length fic i’m working on! 

hope yall like it while i crawl in a corner god this is cringey

genre: drama/angst

words: ????

chapter 1

General Choi San is the leader of the army trying to overthrow your country. But what happens when he not only captures your land, but your heart as well? (wink wonk lol)

Rumours were starting to spread throughout the country, but this had happened before. The villagers, and even the court members, would start to whisper. Warn of dangers to come. Dangers were never a concern for you, you were used to days filled with the impending doom of an attack on your small nation. Hidden in the mountains near Taebaeksan, your country was relatively off-grid,yet living with the fear that one day you would be found. Yesterday was not that day, and neither was the day before that. As the general of the militia, you would hear every fantasy that popped into anyone’s head. 

“I’m telling you, i saw invaders coming from th-”

“You have to listen ma’am, they were seen just outsi-”

“Please, just take a minute to liste-”

“You crazy bitch! Just listen alrea-”

The townspeople weren’t exactly fond of you, they didn’t understand how a woman could become the general of the guard. Surely there had to be a man who was more capable, but the decision was made after a series of intense battles between the men - and you. Once the king saw your determination and skills, there was no question. Even the men followed you blindly into battle more than once, knowing that you had their best interests at heart. And due to your skill in military planning - your father being the previous general paid off after all - most battles didn’t lead to much. Most generals and captains of armies were intrigued at the thought of a woman leader and would offer to meet before any issues arose. 

Private meetings like this were never rare for you, you were used to being stared at. You were always regarded as one of the more beautiful women in the circles you traveled in, not that you had many. Typically, the opposing general would never take you as seriously as they took their male opponents because, well, I mean look at you. After about twenty minutes into each meeting, the general would realize their mistake in underestimating you. Your thorough knowledge of their lands, army, and ammunition was appalling. That was when they would start taking you seriously, as a true general and not a little girl playing dress up. And deals were made, treaties signed, and peace reigned over the kingdom. 

This time was different. Choi San was known for his ruthlessness, on and off the battlefield. He led his people to victory more times than anyone can count. A trained martial artist, San could truly best almost any opponent. Rumours would spread about him. For a while the people thought he was gifted with special powers from the spirits. He was quick, accurate, and deadly. Not only was he known for his skills on the battleground, San was breathtakingly handsome. Rumours had it that his eyes were dark with lust and greed and his smile could bring women to their knees. You hoped every day that you would never have to encounter him. But the day had finally come. Your most trusted spy, returned -barely- with a warning scrawled onto a sheet of paper.

“Come alone, we’ve got a dinner date. 7pm.”

You sighed and hung your head. There was no avoiding this. You turned to your second in command and best friend, Park SeongHwa. A skilled assassin and reliable friend, the two of you had been attached at the hip since you were toddlers. Your mothers were best friends which meant that you were always near each other. Learning to fight, studying, even just laying in the fields as the wind blew through your hair. He truly was the brother you never had. 

“Seonghwa, I’ll need you with me on this.”

“Of course, General.” He responded. Always so professional. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Your stomach sank as you approached the destination. You did as General Choi asked - somewhat. The tent set up by San’s troops was placed in a low valley between towering mountains. Your scouts determined that the enemy had a scout on the western mountaintop, so you instructed SeongHwa to post on the eastern. If General Choi broke the rule, so could you. 

“There she is! The fearless leader!” he bellowed from the tent. The timbre of his voice surprised you, almost as if he was excited for this meeting? But what surprised you more was that it made your heart do the tiniest backflip.

You sat at the table across from him, your heart pounding in your ears. His presence was unnerving to you, but you couldn’t distinguish why. Arguably, you were just as competent of a general he was. The only thing he lacked was your compassion, and you the lack of his ruthlessness. Yet something in his eyes was so alluring to you. It felt like you could get lost in them forever, watching the way they glinted as he talked. He had a certain arrogance to him,he knew he was attractive, he’d been reassured of that many times. After taking down multiple nations, it was only natural for him to put on an air or two. However, you noticed the change in his demeanor. Multiple of his men - so much for going alone - entered the tent at different points to bring more food or wine. Each time one entered, his demeanor would change. He became soft, and would laugh with his friends. Making jokes and playing games seemed natural to him, then in an instant he would return to the arrogant general.

He chuckled as he watched your face. You looked calm on the exterior, always making delicate yet deliberate moves and knowing exactly what to say. All the while, he could sense your discomfort. He would be lying if he said it didn’t intrigue him. He had heard from his men before that you were a sight for sore eyes, but he didn’t truly understand what they meant until you walked into the tent. You were breathtaking, stunning, everything that made his heart stop and take a moment to pause. Throughout the entire dinner and talks, he didn’t once stop looking at you. It made you squirm, which made his heart sing -- it meant that he had the same effect on you that you did on him. 

 ‘Snap the hell out of it’, you told yourself, ‘we’ve got a war to prevent’. 

“So, what do you say General?” San asks as he glances to meet your eyes again, “Are we through here? Are our terms agreeable?” He leans back in his chair and throws his arm across the back, pulling one leg over the other.

“I believe we are through, General. However, My country cannot agree to these terms.” You respond.

“Come now, I’d hate the next time I see your pretty face on the battlefield instead of somewhere more comfortable.”

You gasp in shock. He can’t be serious, can he? Your countries are inches away from war, with you two leading the charge, and he’s trying to seduce you. Honestly, the fact that someone else has managed to use this strategy other than yourself is impressive. But it doesn’t stop the rush of blood to your cheeks that you desperately try to stifle. He notices and it sends him reeling. 

“General Choi, as alluring as your offer sounds, I’m af-” he cuts you off by pressing his lips to yours. Thrown off guard by his impulsive move, you slap him directly across the cheek. San falls to the ground clutching his face.

“General, what in the hell do you think you’re doing?!” you shouted. He said nothing. This was the first time in his life he’d felt rejection. San stood up, immediately embarrassed by his actions. However, his pride couldn’t take the refusal to submit.

“I’ll see you on the front”. San turned and left the tent.

‘If it’s a war he wants,” you thought to yourself, “it’s a war he’ll get’. 

[xlady-saya]

I’ve had a love of my own [ch. 4]

Relationships: andrew/neil

Summary: Despite everything Neil could’ve imagined for his life, he never thought he’d be here, finally giving the world the interview they’ve always wanted.

It’s been decades, but even with his numerous accolades and sports wins, he finds that they’re the least important thing about his life.

Neil can’t help but laugh. Andrew would be so annoyed if he were here.

Of course, Neil only wants to talk about him, and the life they spent together.

Tags: interviews, post canon, major character death but not how u think I swear lol, neil is an old man retelling his memories about andrew, cheesy romance, post retirement, see more tags on ao3

Read on ao3! 

Rayah hands him tissues, but Neil passes them back.

She needs them.

Blake too, from the snot he's trying to wipe on the back of his hand. Weird, how Neil doesn't necessarily view this as a fond memory, or even the most important one he has to offer. It happened though, but he sees it more as a halfway point.

His journey with Andrew had really only begun, and he hadn't even known. So much time left, not infinite, but vast.

"You must've been so afraid," Rayah says, blowing into the tissue enough for Neil to lean back. He's glad they're there to break up the memory, he's become weak in his old age. Memories of the past can't come back to hurt him, Andrew taught him that.

Still, they can feel like barbed wire around his throat.

"I was," Neil affirms, checking his watch. Sydney will be due back soon, he can't linger much longer. "Andrew's reaction then was almost worse than the one on the court. Andrew was never violent with me, but I'd seen him lose control, I'd seen his rage. It had been so long...that was the first time in a long time he really looked like he wanted to tear the world apart."

Neil finally had a vague idea of what Baltimore was like for everyone else, and he finds himself grinning down at his hands.

"Funny, I was so worried about leaving Andrew," Neil mentions, and watches both Blake and Rayah freeze. When had they started hanging onto his words? He shakes his head, touching the watch on his wrist. "But now I'm here."

At their sad faces, he corrects himself, holding up his hands with a laugh. "No no, I don't see it the way I saw it then!" In fact, he sees it more how Andrew saw it. There was no way for them to be apart after everything they'd been through together. Neil's smile fades, his words serious, and he moves the recorder a little closer. His voice is crystal clear when he says: "Andrew didn't leave me. I was not abandoned."

He could never be abandoned by Andrew. Andrew helped him be at a place where he could never feel that way, and he did the same in return for Andrew. Had Neil gone first, he knows the blond would've managed in much the same way. As much as he would've mourned, he would've had his brother, the rest of their family. All of Neil's excessive Palmetto merch and memorabilia to look after...

They were never each other's answers, just something they didn't want to be without.

"I think I actually ended up being kind of happy, not when he died but later. Andrew's final act was a selfish one. He didn't want to be here without me, so he made sure it wouldn't happen."

Neil finds himself feeling smug, despite his aching. Andrew was someone who always did things for others, despite what he tried to convince people of. Knowing his last act was completely for himself...

Neil couldn't be prouder.

Okay, so he's not going to be able to remain strong. Neil grabs the tissues petulantly, overcome with it. He blames Andrew. "The bastard."

They look away out of respect while he sorts himself out, hands clasped.

Rayah's mascara smears a little when she goes to wipe her red eyes, sticky on her finger, and Blake is so engrossed he doesn't notice when she wipes it against his clean white shirt. He leans forward after a moment, and Neil isn't surprised. A reporter's curiosity is never sated. There's a fire in his eyes, urging Neil on. "What happened next?"

Ha. Now isn't that an interesting question?

Regardless of how terrified Neil felt in the moment, his smile has a smug edge to it when he recalls the night he arrived, the sound of a cane echoing at the back of Neil's head.

He leans back, and keeps his voice low. "They did eventually come."

--

One night, just as time bleeds over into the next day, there's a click of a lock that reverberates through their entire flat.

Neil instantly knows; the click is akin to a gunshot, a timer going off. No more hiding, nowhere to run.

At least Neil still has some of his reflexes.

Andrew shoots up, knife in hand in half a second, and Neil grabs his own legs like they can save him one last time. No, not himself, Andrew.

His legs, still wrapped up and healing, are not nearly ready for any excessive movements. Neil doesn't care; he throws them over Andrew as quick as he can, and cries out when they land.

It's excruciating.

Movement shouldn't be possible, but Neil has never listened to doctor's orders. The pain is the consequence; it's a blow torch on his tendons, searing every nerve and joint it can. His scream breaks off into strangled gasps, and he feels Andrew halt completely.

It's a dirty trick, but necessary.

Andrew's scowl is almost worse than the blaze of his joints, but Neil doesn't back down. He doesn't weigh much; Andrew could throw him aside with ease. But he won't. Neil's legs are pushed firmly in his lap, resting against his abdomen, pinning Andrew between his own body and the headboard.

There's no way to lunge without hurting Neil, and despite the way Andrew must be weighing the pros and cons of it in his head, Neil is his weak spot. Andrew edges forward in warning, but Neil digs his heels in and whimpers.

"Andrew," he pleads, and the sound from Andrew's throat makes him feel sick.

"Fuck off, Neil," he replies, teeth bared. It's unfair, he gets it. Andrew never got to fight, last time he didn't even know Neil would be taken away. But Neil can't, he just can't--

"No."

Stay down.

Neil wants Andrew to let him fight first, let him try his luck one more time. Andrew's scathing response is cut short by tap of shoes on their hardwood, and they silence themselves, fixated on the door.

Ichirou never follows anyone's schedule but his own. He walks leisurely, calm, and without care for the panic he's caused. His cane clicks offbeat with his footsteps, the sound disjointed and not nearly as polished as the rest of him usually seems.

Neil watches the shadow on the wall grow larger and more distorted, until it finally forms the thin silhouette of the reaper himself.

He never got tired of silk suits, Neil notes. They fit a little better now though; Ichirou has filled them in, not just physically. Neil forgets how young he is, it's been so long since they've seen each other, but he remembers how even someone as menacing and cold as Ichirou had looked new, not yet settled into his role.

That Ichirou is gone.

He walks into the room, ramrod straight and poised, with an air of superiority not many people other than himself and perhaps Allison Reynolds can pull off. It nearly has Neil turning to face him, but he won't, for sake of letting Andrew loose.

Andrew snarls under his breath, but Ichirou's entrance into the room, while dramatic, isn't anything particularly foreboding. In fact, he grabs one of their crappy folding chairs, one Neil's physical therapist uses, and drags it across the room after some consideration. It throws Neil off almost immediately, and the subtle scrape of the chair legs grate on his nerves. However, he hopes it means Ichirou is here to talk.

While Neil knew realistically that would happen, a swift execution wouldn't have surprised him.

Ichirou places the chair down a few feet from them, and the thump of it puts a silencer on the world around them. The street below doesn't dare make a peep. Ichirou regards their positions with an edge of amusement, but lingers on Neil's legs.

"I'll admit I did not know what to expect," he speaks, and his voice reminds Neil of the embers of a fire. Grave, subdued, and ready to be stroked into something far more devastating.

"Lord," Neil replies, and he bows his head despite how much it makes the lump in his throat all the more constricting. "I've been waiting for you."

"I'm sure you have." Ichirou gestures to Neil's legs calmly, and leaves his hand hanging there until Neil looks. Salt in the wound, but Neil does it. "Your father would be happy."

Fury and resentment spike in Neil's chest, and while it may bleed onto his face, it's not much compared to how Andrew tries to lunge forward. All it takes is Neil's wince to stop him, to send him reeling back and torn between checking on him and not taking his eyes off Ichirou.

Neil is glad for his forethought; he wants Andrew to be safe, but even he can't be completely passive. Neil scowls, letting some of the respect melt away.

He can't help it. The cold smile is on his face before he means it to be, and Ichirou inhales sharply. Neil wonders if it's an acknowledgement of one of his own. "Well he's dead, so we'll never know."

He's dead and rotting somewhere, insignificant.

Even when he's hanging on by a thread himself, Neil's comforted by the memory.

Ichirou's eyes narrow, but it's not a threat in his eyes.

"Someone's feeling bold, though I suppose you always are," he says, humming in the back of his throat. "So close to death all your life, nothing to lose. You've never needed my presence to know that."

Neil bites back all he could say, all the things about his life Ichirou wouldn't care about or label as valuable. He has everything to lose now.

"Lord, I know I'm in no position to ask for favors," he says, and Ichirou nods in agreement. Neil's worth and investment potential have run out, if they're going by the bare bones of his contract. Before he can think better of it, he prioritizes what's important. His voice takes on a desperate edge, a critical mistake in front of someone like Ichirou, but unavoidable. "I'm prepared to make my case but—but leave Andrew out of this. He's not—"

A hand finds the back of his neck and squeezes; it's not painful, never painful, but it startles him enough to make him choke on the rest. Andrew's tone rattles against his brain, warning. "If you try to be a martyr in front of me, I'll kill you before he even gets the chance," Andrew bites at him, and Neil glares at the lie. Always a bad liar. But without acknowledging that, Andrew whips around to Ichirou, and his threat has Neil's blood solidifying. On ice, already. "And you, get out of our house."

Neil's hand flies up to squeeze the blond's arm, but he doesn't have the strength to do much. "Andrew."

Ichirou just chuckles, amused as Neil has ever seen him. Instead of threatening Andrew in return or silencing him right then and there, he leans back in the chair, regarding them like they're some species he's never heard of. "You're lucky I'm not here for you. I'm willing to overlook your rudeness because of what I need to say."

Ichirou doesn't so much as glance at Andrew while he says it, nor anytime after, and Neil feels the blond's trembling pour into him. He straightens, watching the careful tap of Ichirou's finger on the cane, and refuses to let himself jolt when those eyes meet his. Darkness meets an ocean blue, and Neil is thankful for the resemblance to his father now. He hopes Ichirou has just as much trouble navigating the sea of his mind, in finding what's locked away.

"Nathaniel," Ichirou begins, then tilts his head. A correction, one that makes Neil hold his breath. "Neil. Given the circumstances, I'm willing to confess a little here. You've always been an enigma to me. For a long time, I did not know whether to label you as a disgusting leech, or the wolf in the henhouse. Or maybe fox is more appropriate. Either way, you're a particularly giant, conniving thorn in my side."

Good, Neil thinks. He never wants to be that known, that easy to pick apart. He never saw himself as a threat though, regardless of his potential, his willingness to claw and bite. Yet, he never took any pleasure in the pain of others unless they deserved it. That was a big difference between him and his father, something that's perhaps hard for Ichirou to wrap his head around.

Neil never asked him before, he realizes. What did Ichirou think of The Butcher?

As if hearing Neil thinking too hard, Ichirou's eyes pierce through him, holding the thoughts hostage, pinning to a wall.

"There's blood on your hands wherever you go," Ichirou muses. "There are nights where I think I should've killed you. You're too dangerous to be let loose, to be kept alive and constantly bearing down on my throat when I don't even realize it. You are the riskiest investment I ever made, and your retirement should be nothing more than an act of charity from the powers above."

Ichirou looks to his cane then, and taps it once, twice against the floor. "I wonder."

He sits there a beat too long to be comfortable, and that's when he reaches into his suit pocket, as if having made up his mind. All Neil sees is the gun, from that point on.

The air in his lungs is ripped clean out, and that's appropriate. He feels like a husk, with Andrew's pleas in his ear to let him up, now Neil, now. But Neil's mind ignores it all, voice tiny and wheezing. "Lord," he tries, but has no idea what to say. "I--"

What? What does he want?

It's the simplest, most pathetic thing. But all he can think is: not in front of Andrew.

Yes, that's it. Neil's panic flares, and it's not his rabbit instincts for once. He doesn't want to be home anymore. He doesn't want to ruin this place they built together, the place they made their home with all their pictures and souvenirs.

He's an idiot, what was he thinking?

He opens his mouth to say as much, and stops short when Ichirou places the gun on his knee. Andrew's gaze tries to melt the thing until it’s molten, and he's just getting more and more frustrated when that doesn't happen. It's still shiny, and very much there. It's so elegant, so unassuming, for being a deliverer of death.

Andrew keeps trying to make Neil budge, to at least move in front of him like a shield, but Neil refuses. His legs cry out in agony, but he'll ignore it until his last breath.

"I'm not done," Ichirou says, and points the gun at them both for good measure before it's back at his side. Neil tracks it up until Ichirou slams his cane on the hardwood, and pulls Neil's gaze back to him. There's a resignation in his gaze Neil doesn't know what to do with, a question not even Neil can parse. And if he can't understand the weight of this, who can?

"I could finally be rid of you. I could wipe the slate clean of yet another risk. You are the only one who threatens me."

Neil bites his tongue; Ichirou's only half speaking to him. Neil wants to argue he would never, there's nothing about that life, the one Ichirou leads, that Neil could want to steal away.

But Ichirou has to know that. Maybe that's the thing he can't wrap his head around, what makes Neil dangerous.

"But it just so happens that some of that blood on your hands was beneficial to me," Ichirou admits, huffing to himself. "Without you and the stress you put on my family's contacts, the animosity towards Riko...I may not have this throne of mine."

Neil chokes on the realization of where this is leading, but doesn't dare to let himself expect it.

Ichirou leans back again, and takes him in with nothing short of disdain. It's the most expressive Neil has ever seen him, the cool veneer stripped away.

"Make no mistake, I am not giving you credit, not even an ounce of it," Ichirou spits out, then he closes his eyes, breathing in to regain a shred of the composure he had when he walked in. Neil doesn't care, he's too busy staring at the furrow in his brow, at the retreating gun. Ichirou's eyes meet his and they're blazing, but the ring of fire doesn't scathe him. Neil seems to be the one point it can't reach. "You don't deserve it. But with your father gone, with my enemies and all those squabbling liabilities rotting in the ground...I can move freely."

He puts away the gun, as slow and conflicted as the movement is. But it's gone. Hidden. Neil's last stroke of luck. May he never be in need of more.

Andrew sneers, unable to help himself. "That sounds like plenty of credit is due."

Any other moment, Neil would wheeze, would fear retaliation. But Ichirou's just shown him his decision, a mind made up. He won't go back on it once he's crossed that line. It's not in his nature.

Funny. No matter how depraved the code of ethics is, it's still there, clean and outlined.

Ichirou stands, contempt clear as he stares down at them. "Think of this as repayment instead, a courtesy if you will," he mutters. "This will close out our account officially. There are some terms. I'll be happy to take that remaining 80% of your pension, your severance, but after? I want nothing to do with you."

The last syllable is laced with thin disgust, but then Ichirou retreats back into himself. The mask returns, an icy veil which emotions don't stand a chance against.

And well, Neil's always been a little stupid. He exhales shakily, his lungs aching from being so deprived. "You...you're letting me go?"

"I'm letting you become someone else's burden," Ichirou glances at Andrew, at the way his fists are still clenched around Neil. "But do not think me merciful."

He could never.

He understands their relationship, or rather, the end of it. That doesn't stop Ichirou from making it exceedingly clear.

His voice fills the room, coating the walls and staining it. It's not as bad as blood, but it's a promise Neil won't soon remove, a reminder that if he wants to keep this home of his, he'll listen. "I’ll extend the courtesy to your companions if they’re ever in the same situation. But if I ever see you again, if I hear that you're involved in anything, from the smallest transaction or negotiation in my circle, in my empire, I will kill you all," Ichirou explains, a vow. Then, his gaze flickers over Andrew one last time, and yes, Neil understands perfectly. He shows it in the way he glares, in the way he calls on his father's ghost one last time. "I will do more than kill you, I will destroy everything about you."

The fear begins to trickle out of him, and maybe that's a bad thing where Neil is concerned. He's not sure what he's exuding right then, but he can feel himself stop shaking, can feel his chin tilt up in a challenge. It's a deceptive calm, but one Ichirou will read correctly.

Acknowledgement, respect, but underneath all that it's a boast. It says I won.

Neil's not sure it can be called that but he owns it, with all his infuriating confidence, he owns it, and makes sure Ichirou knows there will always be some truth to it.

Even if Neil didn't have to convince him, even if Ichirou came to the conclusion all on his own.

He was bested, and Neil has to squash the smile that wants to bloom on his face.

Andrew stops shaking too, his rage reigned in for now. He probably won't sleep for days regardless; the fear, the what ifs...they're too fresh and heavy.

But that's alright. More than alright. Because Neil can spend the rest of their lives making it up to him.

"Do we have a deal?" Ichirou states, like he needs to. But Neil nods anyways. It's a farewell he didn't know he wanted so badly.

"Yes, we do," he says, and adds reluctantly: "Thank you, Lord."

Ichirou inclines his head, and Neil has to bite back any sass. It's a look that says 'don't thank me yet. Don't thank me until you're old and gray.'

With that final warning, Ichirou turns away, and neither of them dare to move.

That's where the acknowledgement ends; Ichirou reaches the door, and without looking back, solidifies his exit from Neil's life.

"Goodbye, Neil Josten."

They don't move at first. They listen to the disjointed steps as Ichirou leaves, and only when it sinks in that he's walking away does Neil feel Andrew pull him gently closer. It's a fierce hold regardless, an attempt to carve Neil a place in his chest to hide. It's 'I've got you' and 'I get to keep you' all at once.

When the lock on their front door clicks shut, the one to Neil's future opens wide.

--

Neil lets Blake and Rayah take their time scribbling their notes, neither of them daring to ask for clarification. Neil hopes it's because there's nothing to clarify.

It's too simplistic to say he won some climactic battle, that the rest of his life was carefree and happy. This was merely a pause in his life, a blip in time which also passed like everything else, drowned out with visits to Germany and difficult trips to the vet.

Neil doesn't view it as the middle, or a turning point. He doesn't view anything that way. He started his life as Neil Josten and it flowed from there, choppy and untamed at times, but no less...memorable.

His encounter with Ichirou was a moment he had to wait, to breathe in and take in what he had before he kept going. A log or dam that eventually eroded away like the rest of the obstacles he faced.

And there was so, so much more that came after that.

Perhaps not as exciting; family vacations, Exy games, and weekend getaways are hardly anything compared to run-ins with the mafia, to devastating injuries and comebacks. No one wants to hear about the petty arguments and compromises, the bouts of depression which came from being robbed of the sport he loved despite his survival. There's nothing riveting about the quiet dinners Neil enjoyed with Andrew at his side every night for over thirty years after.

But even still, he's waiting to get to those. He wants to talk about those.

Each time he finishes a memory, he's antsy to tell the next one. It's the most exciting thing to him, knowing that even when it all stops, when he has nothing more he needs to share, that nothing ever ended. He could go on and on. As long as he’s breathing, he can say more.

It doesn't end until he's gone, and how sneaky he is, how brilliant, for even going beyond that to preserve their life, every boring piece of it.

He sends Andrew a smug little smile, just for that.

So now people can know, for at least a few years to come, that yes, Neil Josten survived the mafia. But more importantly, Andrew Minyard was next to him, and was just about the best companion Neil could've asked for.

It makes him smile, uncontrolled in its entirety, and when Sydney walks in she doesn't even ask. She returns it, and that fondness makes Neil feel as if Andrew is still in the room, because it was so often directed at him as well.

When she leaves, the room is quiet apart from the last fading scratches of pen on paper.

Occasionally one of the reporters will look up at him, scan him as if they can get the residual emotions hanging from his aura and paste them onto the messy pages.

Neil doesn't envy them.

He's never been a writer, and he's giving them a daunting task. Vague, but detailed. Powerful, but without all the flowery, over-exaggerated nonsense. This is not a sensationalist piece, but his life, and while they've been treating him with the respect he asked for, he gets the feeling they just now came to the realization fully.

It's easy to say you love someone, at the end of the day. Even if it's a lie, even if it takes you a while to work up the courage for it. It's easy to repeat it over and over again.

But for people to understand the full scope of Neil's feelings, so far beyond that word with all the strange deviations and intricacies...

Well, he can tell by the way Rayah and Blake come to a standstill, eyes fixed on their notes, that they do understand. That's what makes it so difficult, that's what makes it impossible.

Nothing they do or write will truly replicate the way Neil has made them feel, the way Andrew made Neil feel.

And Neil's grateful for that. He's grateful, because he always knew deep down that his relationship with Andrew was not something anyone would be able to capture and define. It was theirs.

As long as that's obvious, then he thinks it'll be more than okay.

He'll keep providing all the details they need to compensate.

Eventually, when they do look up, Rayah just laughs, smoothing her hand over the paper. Neither of them make a move for their food. "I—I don't know what to ask anymore?" She frames it as a question, tone searching, and when she looks at Blake, he merely shrugs.

There's a mistiness in his eyes when he turns to Neil too, as if to ask, 'well?'

Neil beams brighter, bringing his food in front of him. Ten years and he hasn't changed the order. It's still the plate he and Andrew split.

And with that warmth in his chest, he's more than happy to take it from there.

"Don't worry," he says, amusement lacing his tone. "I know what comes next."

[sunshineandfangs]

The Long Way Home

Day Five (October 11th - Friday): Different Time Period

Klaus and Caroline in the 1920′s? Klaus and Caroline as Originals and their adventures throughout the centuries? Is Caroline sent to the past and has to deal with a Klaus from that time? Is Klaus sent to the future and sees himself with Caroline? Royalty AUs? Regency Era? So many possibilities!

This is always something I thought about so I decided to write the snapshot version. Some angst again, though not Klaroline related.

---

Caroline watched her fellow blonde from the shadows. She was beautiful and vibrant and so achingly young. Physically of course, Caroline did not look a single year older than the other girl. Both of them appearing an eternal seventeen. However, the discerning would note the differences in their eyes, their demeanor.

That girl didn’t walk with an edge of lethal grace, always one move away from being able to attack or defend. She didn’t carry a confidence built over ages, the kind one gains when they had to fight for their right to exist and came out on top. There wasn’t a weight in her eyes that came from the slow build of weariness, from that near constant fight.

So, the two of them could hardly be more different for all that they were once the same person. She supposed that’s what over a thousand years of separation did to a person.

---

To be quite truthful, Caroline almost didn’t return to Mystic Falls. The people, the events that had once been the entirety of her short life were now little more than vague memories. They were strangers with familiar faces, as if remembered from a dream. And she would be the strangest of them all, an entirely different person from who they knew.

The worst moments of this younger Caroline’s life were waking confused and hungry in a hospital. Her mind reeling from what felt like PMS on hyperdrive and then an influx of what couldn’t be memories. Almost dying a second time to her rapist and the pain of her friend’s rejection, for all that she hid it with snark and flippancy. All terrible things to befall anyone let alone a teenager.

But she had yet to experience the stunned horror of waking to a village being devoured by flame. Of having the rancid, acrid scent of burning corpses so thick in the air she could taste it in the smoke. Or the dawning realization of where she was, when she was. The denial that she had dearly wanted to sink into when she spotted a familiar river with no bridge, a waterfall surrounded by several dozens more trees.

And yet she had not been able to afford such a luxury as panic. Not when she realized she could not understand a word anyone spoke to her. When she had to use her superior strength and speed to fight off men that wanted to kill her, rape her, enslave her. And even those that may have had good intentions, but whom she still couldn’t understand. Everything felt like a threat when she was so lost and clueless.

The next blow came later. For it had truly broken her heart to feel relieved that compulsion transcended language barriers. To have to rely on a tool that once decimated her own mind just to survive, to have the chance to fit in and find a way home. 

Fortunately or unfortunately, desperation was a cruel but effective teacher. High school Spanish had been half-remembered vocabulary and grammar rules, a middling grasp on the written and spoken word. In comparison, the languages of the few settlers that remained came quickly. Even as she tried not to think about how one sounded vaguely Norwegian or Icelandic, how she suspected it was Old Norse. Or how the tongue of what she came to realize were the natives, didn’t have a modern equivalent to her knowledge.

Then, just as she was finding her feet, she learned the harshest lesson of them all. There was always something worse. Hope could not die faster than when a powerful witch confirmed all her worst fears. When they sensed the magic of their descendant in her ring and the magic of her monster in her blood. 

Ayana spoke to her just long enough to tear the last remnants of her denials to shreds. And then achingly remind her of home as familiar features twisted with familiar disdain. She had refused to aid an abomination, telling her instead to pray for a quick death.

Caroline harbored no shame for the way she fled in tears. Decades later she would feel only disgust that an adult would let prejudices blind them to the plight of a child. But she was proud of the way she rallied. How she determinedly moved from tribe to tribe across the ancient Americas, learning dozens of new languages and making both friends and enemies. Painstakingly building trust and learning of new magics all in the hopes of home.

It failed.

She spent weeks, months, filthy and near starving to travel across the sea to the Old World. To do it all again. To fail again.

It wasn’t until somewhere in her fifth century that Caroline stopped trying so hard. Such an idea would have once been unfathomable, but truly all she was doing was making herself miserable. Fighting so hard to return to people whose faces grew blurrier by the decade. To people whose mental labels were “best friend,” but who had been long supplanted in her mind by centuries of other companions. Some whom had long died and she had mourned. Some whom she had turned and met up with every so often. So, why look back when she could look forward?

Another five hundred years would see her “home” anyway.

---

Caroline witnessed the precise moment when her past self was whisked away in a storm of magical energy. She read the startelement and fear on her face and felt something in her own chest twist, not quite in pain but also not quite in happiness, knowing as she did exactly what that girl’s next thousand years would be like.

A thousand years, and she supposed this place still had an effect on her after all, for she didn’t immediately try to take the place of her other self. Instead, she lingered in the shadows, watched with another odd pang that no one made a fuss about her disappearance. 

They got a pass when she spotted Elijah in town. Though she had never personally met any of the Originals, wanting to stay well clear of their mess, she hardly lived under a rock. She knew who they were, knew their reputations. Even saw most of them from a distance once or twice. 

It wasn’t worth the energy to hold grudges against strangers for their prudence in priorities.

---

A few weeks later, Caroline found herself drinking in a bar. Not the Mystic Grill. Some other establishment she hadn’t bothered to remember the name of, one on the outskirts of Mystic Falls.

The alcohol burned as it raced down her throat, her glass emptying far quicker than she would like. She frowned down at it as she traced the rim with her finger, not sure how she should feel. Elena was sacrificed. Elena was resurrected. All without Caroline needing to lift a finger. Her involvement or rather lack thereof made her feel guilty. Or perhaps her lack of guilt made her feel guilty. Should she be feeling conflicted in the first place?

She had called them strangers with familiar faces. And...and it was true. She looked at them and felt a startling lack. Only the memory of a memory of their once importance elicited any emotion for them at all. So perhaps she should treat them like strangers. Build new bonds should their paths cross, but otherwise go about her own business.

Tension she hadn’t realized she had been holding left her shoulders. A weight she had long carried lifted as she, at last, truly let her past go. It only took another five hundred years…

“Caroline Forbes,” an accented voice mused behind her, startling her from her thoughts.

She turned, admonishing herself for her carelessness. When her eyes fell on the person behind her, his blonde curls and deceptive dimples, a true litany of internal curses rang in her head.

Always something worse.

He likely noticed the way her eyebrow twitched a fraction, but that was all the reaction she allowed to slip.

With a polite nod she returned his greeting, “Klaus.”

There was a curious expression on his face and he didn’t wait for an invitation to step closer, invading her space.

“I rather delighted in Katerina’s misery when she learned you had so thoroughly slipped the noose she had placed around your throat. I even had a fond thought or two for the baby vampire who managed to vex her so.”

He cocked his head as he looked at her, eyes dark and assessing. Humans might have thought his demeanor casual and friendly, but the predator that lived in her veins knew better.

“Yet somehow you’re not a baby vampire at all, are you, love?”

There was no point in lying. Not when he could surely feel her age as she could feel his.

“No,” she said simply.

He made a soft, contemplative noise. “Katerina is not nearly foolish enough to mistake a human for a vampire. So, however has this come to be, hm?”

Caroline didn’t bother to smother the light laugh that erupted from her chest. “It’s a long story.”

“I always have time to learn of curiosities, love.” Threats, she heard unspoken. “And this is a rather unique time for curiosities. Why don’t you join me for the summer?”

She knew it wasn’t a suggestion. And the only thing worse than being noticed by an Original is angering one. Besides, she could use the time away from Mystic Falls, the last remnants of her attachment left at the bottom of a shot glass.

With an easy shrug she stood from the bar stool, setting a few large bills on the wood.

“Lead the way.”

A smirk crawled across his face. One she didn’t flinch or cower from, and only lightly tensed when he guided her out with a hand to the small of her back.

“I rather think we shall have fun, you and I, love.”

---

So Caroline accidentally time traveled just after Elena was rescued post-masquerade. Therefore, due to time travel shenanigans with her arriving just as the Originals were leaving technically Caroline is older than them in vampire years lol. By a few weeks but still, that’s hilarious. Though she’s not stronger since I headcanon the Originals have more strength than normal vampires even when matched for age. Fights could still go either way though of course. She certainly closest in strength to them than any other vampire.

[toooldforfandom-liveblogs]

RWBY V07E02 - A New Approach

Aaand we're back! Last episode a dangerous band of vigilantes was arrested by the valiant Ace Ops. You can rest easy, citizens of Mantle, your streets are safe again. Or are they? Let's do this!

He was arrested for dumping world building on unsuspecting people.

Her ship? Winter? Ooh, that guy is dead.

I'm not sure I like the introduction of something as good as "better conditions in Mantle" coming from someone who the show is not taking seriously. Even the music is lighthearted.

...they are not being subtle about Robyn Hill being a reference to Robin Hood, huh?

Again, I'm not sure what's up with the tone. Why is _this_ the first impression we get of Robyn Hill's movement? Is it because Ironwood is coming and we need to see his side before Hill's thing is presented as something more serious?

I haven't commented on it but background Nora has been a delight.

The second time Blake speaks to Ruby this season. Ah, how times change.

This could be a "you're a making a great mistake" moment but I have faith in Ruby.

I was prepared to not see Penny again for _episodes_ but here she is. The RWBY Gods are generous today.

She missed her! I think? She's surprised but her expression doesn't exactly scream happiness... but then, she has smiled maybe twice in the show.

I like how Ironwood's both metallic and human side are represented by Penny and Winter. And how their demeanor usually represents the opposite, with Penny being a lot warmer and open than Winter's cold nature.

Aw, she really was worried about Weiss. And Ironwood in the back wondering what's wrong with his usually ice-cold, professional to a fault right hand.

Weiss's hugs are incredibly powerful, as seen in Volume 5.

They can even defeat Winter.

There's something very suspicious about how they in shadows. Penny looks almost menacing with the way her eyes shine.

Uhm. About that.

Huh, so she got attacked too?

Many volumes ago I thought that Penny was a candidate for being the Fall Maiden, but if the Winter Maiden has been in "stable condition" since before the Fall of Beacon, it'd make sense for her to actually be a candidate for that.

I just had a dumb thought. What if Pietro transferred her aura to Penny (with a scene somewhere saying how creating aura from nothing is impossible) because she was dying, and now the Winter Maiden is for all purposes brain dead. So, the Winter Maiden is "alive" but Penny maybe could have access to the powers?

It feels too complicated to be true but who knows.

Oh, she's old. For some reason I thought they were all young-ish but it makes sense that at least one would survive to an old age.

lol, too late

"Indeed. Also, who is this small child and why is he here in this classified meeting"

Okay, that's a _great_ idea considering how unbelievably vulnerable the old system was. But... doesn't Dust stop working in space? And, doesn't this smell like an orbital supervillain laser waiting to happen?

Ironwood wants to trust humanity when Ozpin didn't. Is the show going to validate Ozpin's beliefs about how the knowledge would only hurt humanity? Knowing could help everyone prepare for a future attack by flying monkeys and it could unify them against a common enemy... Huh, I'm not sure how to feel about this. It really could go either way depending on the writers.

I think she's lying because of the "destroy Salem" thing but I'm not sure why. Does she think telling everyone is the right idea and doesn't want to discourage Ironwood? Is she trying to dissuade Ironwood from using the relics until things are clearer? Maybe she's still reeling from everything that happened in Brunswick and doesn't want anyone to give up?

Her motivations are a bit of a mystery right now since we don't even know what their current goal is.

That sounds like Ironwood didn't quite believe Ozpin. Without the code word there's nothing he can do though.

A gesture of goodwill? But is it sincere or is Ironwood trying to get into RWBY's good side for a reason?

In theory he doesn't need them for any of his plans so I feel he's being at least partly genuine.

It's also a good way to keep RWBY in the inside track of the plot since they will continue being directly tied to it as long they have the lamp.

An excuse for the outifts change!

Okay, I love that woman.

The opening has a lot of scenes with RWBY fighting random Grimm so I was expecting something like this. It was either this or being hired as unnofficial huntresses.

AO3 is going to go nuts after this.

...is Tyrian inside that bag? Please tell me he is.

The hacker equivalent of calmly walking from an explosion.

That was a hell of an episode considering it was all setup. But what a setup! The show continues to give us pieces but there's still no way to know what they are going to mean in the future.

Robyn Hill moves from poster cameos to the hero of that dude who nobody, not even the show, takes seriously. I'm still not sure why _that_ was the tone they took for the introduction of what looks like a valid social unrest movement.

It feels too obvious if it was only to sell Ironwood's image as someone who is willing to make the hard decisions.

It'd be easy to go all paranoid and say the guy was planted by Ironwood to generate an early bad impression of the "opposition", only including everyone in his highly confidential plans and returning the lamp to Ruby as demonstrations of trust just to get their trust back for reasons unknown. But I can't see Ironwood playing the necessary 4D chess to get there. He seems genuine, even if he places too much trust in Atlas's military superiority.

And we don't know of any reason why that kind of subterfuge would be necessary since in his eyes RBWY are just a group of ragtag students that never graduated. They are not unique... unless he needs Ruby's silver eyes? Oh. I hadn't thought of that. Uhm.

Anyway, his plan is based in the assumption that they _can_ destroy Salem. Ruby and everyone else knows that's false. She _lies_ about Ozpin to cover up that fact. Which I think was the right choice, even if everyone else is probably going to have words with her at some point in the future (do the walls have ears in Atlas Academy?)

Ozpin's main problem is that he didn't trust anyone fully, not even his closest allies. Ruby trusts her friends and allies, but Ironwood is not that (yet?). There is a parallel between the two of them, but I feel it's more to show the difference between them than the similarities.

Unless Ironwood finds out (or already knows) they are lying and goes nuts, confirming that in the show honesty trumps all. Which I don't really agree with.

I'm curious about how the plan is going to work. Restoring global communications would be invaluable but Atlas having total control of that antenna feels like it's going against the spirit of the post-war agreement. It doesn't help that orbital stations always feel like they can host weapons.

Telling everyone about Salem could be the next "Fall of Beacon" if it's not handled well. Maybe Watts's plan is exactly that, manipulate things in such a way that the plan succeeds but it all ends up strengthening Salem's position instead of humanity's chances of survival.

This episode dropped so much information and possibilities! And we don't even know what's up with Jacques! Or the election!

I can't wait for the next one, until next time!

[wingsporkhalo]

He’s Mine: A BakuDeku Fic Spork- Chapter 2

Here I am with chapter 2 of this mess!! For those of you who are new, I read a terrible My Hero Academia fanfiction and made funny commentary on it with some good buddies. Chapter 1 is here! https://wingsporkhalo.tumblr.com/post/190957730961/hes-mine-a-bakudeku-fic-spork-chapter-1

Support me on Patreon! I am poor!! https://www.patreon.com/WingSongHalo And check out my YouTube channel, where you can see video sporks!! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgTMFf7W6SyWoZdpqY9ZdPw/

Last time, the story started in the middle of an inexplicable fight, Izuku gave Shoto his phone number and had multiple houses, and Katsuki told Izuku he doesn’t want Izuku to call anyone by their first name but him! Because being controlling is romantic, right?? (Sarcasm.)

In today’s chapter, Katsuki attempts to confess his “love,” Izuku is forced to dress as a girl, Shoto kidnaps Izuku, I rant about people uke-fying my favorite characters, and Kirishima offers some terrible advice!

Special thanks to my dear friends @the-wizard-l​, @kittykatz009​, @satsuneade​, and Phos for co-commentating!

Without further ado, let’s move ahead to Chapter 2!

My friend Phos: It’s reviewing the same stuff!!! What?? Me: but Phos!! This time it's in a different Point of View, though you'd never know that from the lack of detail!!

Um what am I doing here .

[sigh] I ask myself that every day, sonny

Why dose? Uh, because it keeps you from taking too much medication?

Why dose my chest feel weird when I see deku with half'n'half.

Uhhh... maybe you know he's lactose intolerant and you're concerned for him as a friend? ....naaahhh

Phos: “Damed nerd” Me: I mean, from what i know of Bakugou's character, he always instantly regrets talking to Izuku Why would he be stuttering in his own head??! Also, what the fuck is damhed? Is it like being a shithead, but less profane?? Disided. Uhhhh... I guess that's when... something has two sides? I guess??

After I payed for the thing I wanted,

God this detail!! I'm so moved!!

Why was Izuku just running around? Was he late? I thought you were 10 minutes early?

I catched up to him

Sure. With your umbrella? Were you using it to travel like fucking Mary Poppins??

“Ahh” he said falling on the wet ground

I love how unemotional that is.

"DEKU HEAR" --the sound of me being completely out of character? Oh yes. I hear it

Wh--? What bottom of his uniform was he grabbing? I??? I hope you mean like the edge of the blazer?? My friend Jaz: Bottom of his shoes Phos: Bottom of the uniform might mean bottom of the pant leg— Oh Me: I mean, valid interpretations all of them, but it really sounds like he's grabbing ass if you just say "the bottom of his uniform" because that's... where the bottom is... moving on.

I don't get it. Has Bakugou supposedly found Izuku's stare cute this whole time, or is this a recent thing? It's so outside the realm of possibility that it's not computing

We walked to school together.

Oh my, how exciting! I wondered what was going to happen next!! And you told it so efficiently, with as few words as possible! Bravo!!

So like, WERE you getting closer or did it just FEEL like you were?

I feel like if their faces ever touched, reality would just collapse in on itself because the laws of nature would be violated

(either that or it would have to be a "one of them literally fell from a great distance onto the other one" situation)

(Which I guess isn't too far fetched since they get thrown around a lot)

Again the damh nerd is here.

Did I say something wrong?

SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU EVER CARED???

Ohhhhkay I'm just. So confused. WHY is Bakugou suddenly aware of his "feelings," WHY is he suddenly so much nicer, and WHY is he just deciding all of a sudden to confess his love?? That's the kind of thing you WRESTLE with, if you accidentally fall in love with the dude you've hated for like 11 of your 15 years of life!! My friend Wiz, evidently affected by the reality-warping powers of this fic: jhwbebhjfewjhbwfjh

Uh why did he have to come at a time like this.

B... because the bell is going to ring?...

Wow, I wish I could communicate entire sentences with just my face. Seems like a useful talent. Maybe that guy in class 1-B with the speech bubble for a head would be best at that

"Kacchan here" Why yes, he is here. Not sure why the sudden caveman-speak, though

Then half'n'half went of with my deku

[sits there staring at nothing for 5 seconds] [shakes self] Sorry I was just reeling at the sheer ridiculousness of everything about that sentence

I felt kind of bad leaving kacchan behind.

Then it just transitions to the next scene because fuck internal monologue I guess Jaz: When did he become Your Deku? Me: THEIR TEACHER NEVER SHOWED UP??? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO AIZAWA??? Also, wouldn't it naturally fall to Iida to take over and decide their next course of action, as class rep? Why are the girls all hijacking the class??? Jaz: They hogtied Iida, of course Me: They're putting their names on a stick... oh god... tHEY'RE ORGANIZING A DEATH TOURNAMENT "Deku come with me" "I'd love to but that's not the pairing of this fic" Jaz: Dhdududidifhf

I love how Izuku has no agency in this fic; he just goes with whoever and does whatever, helpless against the whims of those around him. And by love, I mean hate. I fucking hate that.

Uh *sigh*

Wow that's a mood. Jaz: Wtf is even going on Me: lskjdlkksjdf Not that Izuku wouldn't dress up as a girl if someone told him to, but I think he'd usually at least like a reason for it "Izuku the All Might Cheer Squad is missing a member; could you sub in?" "[throws everything off his desk and stands up at once] I've been waiting for this moment" My friend Satsu, just arriving: Finally caught up and I'm CACKLING Me: Somebody get Ochaco to Recovery Girl!! She's taken a blow to the face and there is BLEEDING aH THANK U SATSU <3 Satsu: HI MOM, ((note: my server calls me Mom. LOL)) lol this is so bad 😂 😂 Wiz: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE JHBDJBH Me: Honestly, I think Izuku would be dreadfully embarrassed if everyone stared at him no matter WHAT he was wearing Satsu: Yeah but like, why uraraka suddenly dressed him like that??? What is the thinking process that that would be okay in the school omg Me: “Why would you do this to me uraraka-san“ Wiz: I’m crying Me: "Look, it was in my contract that I had to appear in 50 badfics a week. I'm sorry, Deku" "[hangs his head] No that's fair"

Satsu, didn't you know?? This is just what happens when the teacher doesn't show up Satsu: Aw damn, if I knew ;-;

Wiz: I am. So confused wjhbfe Satsu: They all ran of Me: he stoped, but I can't.

Then I ran of

It was a run of girlishness and embarrassment, I'm guessing. Did they all say the slashes, or? Jaz: Did Todoroki just kidnap Deku? Wiz: These things happen Satsu: Oh dear, the last sentence My eyes Me:

Izuku ran of

--Shame and frilliness--

Mabey we went to far

"Sorry, I can't go with you this weekend. Mah bae and I are going to far." "To where?" "Far. It's this restaurant across town" Wiz: jhwbewehbj Me: What the--why was Izuku running for his life? WHAT DID HE DO Shoto: [pushes Izuku] Izuku: thank you! Shoto: uh... s-sure... should I be concerned that you just thanked me for shoving you Izuku: Probably! Wiz: MOOD Satsu: Kdbdkdbfkjf Me: What the--why's Shoto rubbing Izuku's head? Is it a good luck ritual or has Izuku turned into a puppy? Wait, no, he still has hands. I'M CONFUSED Phos: I still don’t understand the dress and wig.Well, girls uniform. Satsu: You’re not alone with that lol Me: Look, sometimes ya see an adorable messy-haired befreckled shonen protagonist and ur just overwhelmed with the desire to see him in drag....... I guess? Phos: I mean Yeah that sounds exactly like what this fic is doing Me: It sounds to me like they wanted to write moments where Shoto and Katsuki would get to interact with Izuku while he's a delicate, soft little maiden [rolls eyes] Wiz: :’)) Me: STOP UKE-FYING MY IZUKU, YOU FETISHIST Satsu: They always do that to my dear main characters :( Me: Me pulling these badfic authors up by their collar: listen here you yaoi sluts... my son Izuku is more manly than 90 other shonen protagonists put together... Jaz: Omggggg WING Phos: "yaoi sluts" I will never have a chance to use that and man I’m upset about that Satsu: Heck yeah! Me: LSJKFLKSDJ PHOS Satsu: MOOD Phos: I’m not in a lot of fandoms where yaoi is the norm in badfic! Me: Really? It kind of seems like it's the norm in every fandom nowadays. Look I love a lot of slash pairings, but yaoi I have a problem with. Yaoi is fetishization, yaoi is semes and ukes and one of them has to be "the girl" essentially and it's gross Phos: Agreed! Me: ANYWHO [steps off my soapbox] Wiz, a bit behind on the messages: YAOI SLUTS JHBFJHF

No body saw him, but several pairs of eyes did. Three of them were Shoji's. Wiz: Wing I love you Me:

Something told me he went out side

Was the something lazy writing? I LOVE U TOO WIZ <3 <3 <3 Satsu: It's cracking me uo that it says "Bakago P. O. V" Me: Does... does this person honestly think that's how you spell "damn"? I... wh? The kinds of mistakes this person is making are not really things I see from people who speak English as a second language--tenses are more or less usually correct, etc--so I'm just. How. How do you get it wrong that many times

"Ahh" I heard someone screaming

Really? Cuz when you write it like that it looks more like what you'd say while sinking into a hot bath after a long day. Satsu: Wait, didn't Todoroki kidnap him? Where did he go? Phos: He’s been consumed by the love triangle void Satsu: He just vanished lol Me: Yeah he was like "finally, my Love Interest™️ is in drag, so I must make the most of this and Romance him" and fucked the hell off dragging poor Izuku with him Satsu: LMAO PHOS Me: SLAKFJDLKJ PHOS Phos: bows Thank you Me:

It was Deku being chased by boys

The Izuku Midoriya tag on pixiv, basically

I picked up deku and put him over my shoulder.

This is the second BakuDeku fic I've seen where Bakugou throws Izuku over his shoulder like a goddamn bag of potatoes and it's portrayed as Romantic. Wiz: w h y Satsu: I'm still wondering, is this supposed to be BakuDeku or TodoDeku? Or both????? Phos: Both, I think Me: I think it’s both, yeah Satsu: Aw, dang. My poor baby. :( Phos: I’d bet real money this doesn’t end properly, like it’s not finished Me: yeah the story is technically called "he's Mine! (tododeku kacdeku) (boku no hero academia)" Satsu: Kfbdkfjf jf Wiz: Oh joy Me: which, like, first off, who the FUCK calls it Kacdeku? I'm pretty sure I heard my cat say that while throwing up once Wiz: gfthghuji Phos: Adobe (That was a corrected keysmash) Satsu: I was about to say about kacdeku veing a very weird ship name lol Ah fuck, I always end up changing one letter or eating a whole word Me: "ADOBE" IS THE BEST KEYSMASH LSKJDKFSL mkay SO I don't think Bakugou would literally kill those boys, but he would definitely threaten it Also, how is Izuku supposed to get changed? Did he bring his other clothes with him??

Phos: BOLD ITALIC AUTHORS NOTE Wiz: jhbjhbjhk Me: I... guess he had his uniform? ALSO YES, ONE OF MY FAVORITES, DEFS A SQUARE ON MY BADFIC BINGO Phos:

Or ... fuck him

Wow I hate this Me: I do not remember Bakugou ever looking like a lost cat, nor do I think a lost cat is a very good descriptor because cats just kinda hide or come up to people and yell when they're lost. ...Actually that second one does describe Bakugou; never mind. Katsukitty "ALL THEM BOYS" SHEEEEE-OOOT! IZUKU DONE GOT HIMSELF A HUMDINGER OF A SOUTHERN ACCENT, NOW, AHYUH-HYUH!!! I walked on a head? Wow, that takes talent. Most people use their feet but I guess if you wanna be Extra

I all ways want to force him

I mean, there are a lot of ways; do you really have to want all of them?

to force him agents a wall

Whoa, what? Where did these agents come from?? Are they investigating Todoroki's sudden disappearance?? Satsu: In which universe Bakugo is nicer with Deku more than with Kirishima Me:

and kiss him passionately

jfc. I just... hhhh. No.

Or... fuck him

Yeah that's about right. Katsuki: [thinks of Deku] well, fuck him :\ Satsu: LMAO LFBFKFHFKFB Phos: Scbsbsfddb Me: Also, Satsu, you summoned my favorite rocky cinnamon roll

Satsu: Also I don't remember what part of season 3 are you refering to dear author lol JUST, PLEASE STOP WITH THE DAMH ALREADY Phos: What even is that page.... Me: So I guess I should be surprised that Kirishima is just suddenly here, but considering he seems to follow Bakugou everywhere, I'm not.

"I've seen you with midoria and I thought I could help"

What's midoria? Is it a medical condition? "Man, I came down with a nasty case of midoria. I was in the bathroom like seven times last night" If that's the case, Kirishima could help by just giving him some Pepto. Satsu: Kdbejqhevjdvfjd Wiz: pfffft Me:

"Well for one change your..."

Mind? Clothes? Tires once every four years or 10,000 miles? Satsu: Your brain cells!??? Me:

"well be less angry and more happy with him"

WOW!! STARTLINGLY ASTUTE ADVICE!! IF ONLY SOMEONE COULD HAVE PINPOINTED BEFORE WHY THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SO STRAINED!! YOU DOIN' THE LORD'S WORK, AUTHOR!! Phos: Adsvads Me:

"Are you telling me to change who I am!!"

"Well... yeah, kinda. I mean, I love ya, bro, but your attitude kinda sucks." "........Okay, fair"

"Unless you want him to be with todoroki!?"

Uhhh, does what Izuku wants factor into this at ALL, or...? Also, sure, if someone doesn't like you, just change who you are! Works every time, at least until you forget which version of yourself you were using with each person!! Wiz: yaaaaaaaaayyyy Me:

Damh him

Uhhh... okay. [points to self] Wing, me.

"Fine I'll change but only when I'm around deku!"

Sure! Sounds like the basis of a healthy relationship! (: The last decade of abuse doesn't matter!! Wiz: :')))))

===========================================================

AND THAT IS ALL FOR CHAPTER 2! Next time, Shoto makes terrible jokes and lies to Izuku’s mother, Izuku and Shoto go on a date, and our helpless damsel protagonist gets attacked by a villain!! Next post will be up very soon! Thanks for reading <33333

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey, so it’s kind of specific in terms of requests, I’m sorry. But, uh, do you have any like fics where John can’t sleep or like just John angst to do with nightmares? And Sherlock helps out? Sorry it’s kinda specific

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: hey Steph! Do you have any angst fics with John and nightmares?’

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: Any where Sherlock’s overwhelmed and John talks him down from like a full blown panic attack?

Hi Nonnies!

Not sure if these are all from the same person (the first two came a couple days apart, which I thought was rather coincidental, and the last one just a day or so ago) but I’ll put them together anyway!

Actually, I started a list an age ago, because I think someone asked me for it and I never posted it (mainly because 2 years ago I didn’t have my fics sorted as well as I do now, LOL). I’m going to give you both John and Sherlock fics, if that’s okay! I’ve sorted them with my PTSD and Panic Attack fics, since some of my fics have both in them as an aftermath to the nightmares, LOL. Hope you find something you’re looking for here!!

If any of y’all have your own fic, you know what to do :D

NIGHTMARES, PTSD, PANIC ATTACKS & MENTAL or EMOTIONAL TURMOIL

Voices by fizzingweaselbee (T, 607 w. || Angst, Mental Turmoil, Suicidal Ideations) – “We would never do that to John Watson.”

The Hollow Man by HHarris (G, 639 w. || John’s Chair, Introspection, Sherlock’s Big Feelings™, Post TRF, Angst, Emotional Turmoil, POV Sherlock, Pining / Sad Sherlock) – Still reeling from the apparent loss of his one and only friend, Sherlock returns to 221B for the first time after the events of The Reichenbach Fall.

Whispers in the Dark by coloured_ink (G, 833 w. || Bed Sharing, Anxious Sherlock, Anxiety, Caring John, Spooning, Little Spoon Sherlock) – Sherlock has anxiety attacks. Good thing John always knows what to do.

Possessive by Fang323 (T, 850 w. || John Whump, Hospitalization, Possessive / Protective Sherlock, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort) – His John did not belong. Not here. Not in this blasted hospital. It simply was not logical.

Burn Burn by Jenn1984 (K+, 925 w. || Post-TGG, Angst, Worried / Panicked / Possessive Sherlock) – A week after the events of “The Great Game”, Sherlock returns to 221B Baker Street to find it empty.

Mentality by Cumberbatch Critter (T, 1,350 w. || Friendship, Hurt / Comfort, THoB Fic, Doctor John) – It was weird. But Sherlock was having a panic attack. Re-write of the Hounds of the Baskerville scene.

Peaky by mattmetzger (K+, 1,404 w. || Friendship, Angst, PTSD/Nightmares) - A nightmare is nothing but a brain processing recent events, and having a bad light to do it in. It will run its course. So why can’t Sherlock just leave?

Might Be Stronger by Starlight05 (T, 1,801 w. || Angst, Friendship, Nightmares) - John isn’t the only one who has nightmares. When Sherlock returns, they bring him down, almost as far as he fell before. So the question is if he can find a way, after everything he has been through, to find hope again. Post-TRF one shot.

Quite Contrary by Hollyesque (T, 1,805 w. || HLV Fic, Sherlock Whump / After Mary Shot Sherlock, Hallucinations / Flashbacks / PTSD, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Lestrade POV, ) – A short one-shot, alternate scene to Greg’s hospital visit in HLV. Instead of Sherlock disappearing, Greg is faced with an unexpected reaction to a hospitalized Sherlock and winds up figuring out something that he really would have rather not known.

Personal Space by probablyquantum (T, 1,814 w. || Pre-Slash, Cuddles, Nightmares, Awkwardness) – John and Sherlock renegotiate the rules governing personal space. Pre-Slash.

Fractured by Starlight05 (K+, 1,865 w. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Unconscious Violence, Nightmares) - John has a nightmare, and Sherlock, worried, goes to help him, with consequences.

Tangential by Bitenomnom (NR, 2,047 w. || Ace Sherlock, Fluff and Love, Cuddles, Friendship, Sherlock is a Kept Man, Sherlock Divorces his Work, Nightmares) – In which John stitches up Sherlock’s head (but not really), Sherlock comes into John’s room at night to take his laptop (but not really), Sherlock is married to his Work (but not really), and John is more than proficient at keeping Sherlock (really, definitely). Part 48 of Mathematical Proof

In The Wake by Ambikai (K+, 2,057 w. || Post-THOB, H/C, Friendship, Nightmares/PTSD/Panic Attack, Bittersweet Ending) – After returning from Baskerville, Sherlock and John deal with the aftermath: unsure of where they sit with one another.

Feel your breathing by Mixxy (T, 2,129 w. || Post-TRF, Cuddling, Separation Anxiety, Platonics) – And he was numb yet feeling far too much, he was back on that pavement, and his mind was buzzing far too hard, whispering you didn’t do it in time, Mrs. Hudson is dead, Lestrade is dead, your John is dead dead dead- And then John’s hand was around his wrist, thumb rubbing over his pulse point, and Sherlock’s not sure if it was to comfort him or John but either way it worked.

The Case of the Missing Blogger by nicknack22 (K, 2,147 w. || Fluff, Humour, Friendship, Worried / Anxious Sherlock) – Alternately titled, The Case of the Oblivious Consulting Detective. In which Sherlock comes out of his mind palace to discover John missing. 221B does not fair well as a result.

Those Days by StillWaters1 (T, 2,663 w. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD / Sensory Attacks, Caring Sherlock) – If Sherlock had danger nights, then these were John’s danger days.

Not My Proudest Moment by charlock221 (K, 2,695 w. || Lunar New Year, Mild PTSD / Panic Attack, Coping Mechanisms, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort) – John tries his best not to get in the way of Sherlock’s cases, but when the vivid noises of fireworks unnerve his senses and begin to bring back unwanted memories of Afghanistan, he cannot help but to hope Sherlock will notice and help him before things go too far.

Turn the key, and come home by TooManyChoices (M, 2,718 w. || First Kiss / Time, Angst With a Happy Ending, Emotional Messes, Implied Sex, Angst and Humour, Bed Sharing, Post-TRF) – Sherlock and John have been dancing around what’s between them for years. Will John return to Baker Street, and if so, will things ever be the same?

In My Life (and dreams, you take my breath away) by Nina36 (NR, 2,847 w. || Post-TRF/TEH, Angst, Pining Sherlock) – The first time he had dreamt about John he had been in Peru. He had been “dead” a little over a month, squatting in a tiny rented room, the heat and the stains on the walls making him slightly claustrophobic. It had been a nice dream: John and he eating take away Chinese in their kitchen, a song coming from Mrs. Hudson’s radio downstairs, something about friends and lovers and how no one compared with him, his mind supplied in his dream.

After the Bombs by VampirePam (T, 3,337 w. || THoB AU, Drugs, John’s PTSD, Panic Attack, Nightmares, Caring Sherlock, Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Angst, Hurt/Comfort) – In which the drugs Sherlock used to dose John trigger a severe episode of PTSD. When terrors old and new cause John to fall apart, Sherlock must rectify his mistake and pick up the pieces.

Stay by msdisdain (M, 3,561 w. || First Kiss / Time, Angst / H/C, Bed Sharing, Nightmares, Blow Jobs, Anal) – John’s nightmares are nothing new. Sherlock’s inability to ignore them, however, is.

All That I Have by the_arc5 (M, 3,721 w. || Post-TGG Canon Divergence, Pining Sherlock, John Whump, Anxious / Worried Sherlock, Light Angst) – In the aftermath of the Great Game, Sherlock finds himself with a new weakness. John is both the cause and the cure.

Bitter Nights Turned Sweet by Hyliare (T, 4,076 w. || Pre-Slash, Insomnia/Hallucinations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, POV Present Tense John Watson, Cuddling/Snuggling) – Sherlock has always had trouble sleeping; he hasn’t always had someone in his life willing to help.

Afghanistan in Baskerville by Amaya Ramiel (K+, 4,357 w. || THoB Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Drugged John, PTSD / Panic Attack, Hallucinations, Worried Sherlock, John’s Past, Friendship) – What if John hadn’t seen the hound when Sherlock trapped him in the lab? What if instead, his very real nightmares of the war had materialized all around him? Trapped and drugged, John can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. How will Sherlock react?

Living In Fear by Lady Sam Mallory (T, 4,929 w. || H/C, Angst, Post-THoB, Nightmares/PTSD) – Missing Scene for Hounds of the Baskerville. John suffers from massive PTSD episodes upon their return from Dartmoor.

Bed-Sharing Between Flatmates by testosterone_tea (T, 5,053 w. || 5 and Ones, Bed Sharing, PTSD John, Science, Whump, Insecure Sherlock, Asexual Sherlock) – 5 times Sherlock had an excuse to share John’s bed, and the one time he didn’t need one.

21 - Draft Folder by distantstarlight (E, 5,604 w. || Post S4, Epistolary, References to PTSD, Depression, Healing, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Confessions, Happy Ending) – Sherlock Holmes is doing his best friend a favour by doing some routine maintenance on John’s laptop. While doing so he stumbles across a well-filled file folder. Part 21 of 31_Days_of_Porn_Challenge_2017

No Light, No Light (in your bright blue eyes) by orphan_account (G, 5,915 w. || Angst, Pining, Songfic, Mutual Unrequited Love, Unresolved Tension, UST/URT) – Relates to both Sherlock’s and John’s feelings for each other and highlights select moments of hurt and inner turmoil starting from right before the fall all the way to HLV.

BANG by ElvendorkInfinity (T, 7,016 w. || Post-TGG AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Worried / Scared Sherlock, Alternating POV, Whump, Hospital Recovery, Open Ending) – ‘I should warn you,’ Sherlock says, his voice steady and his eyes fixed on Moriarty. ‘You are sadly misinformed.’ And he fires. Prequel to M Is For Moriarty

Survival Instinct by shirleyholmes (T, 7,162 w. || Post-TRF, First Kiss, Schmoop, Nightmares, Fluff & Angst, Grief, Idiots in Love) – After Sherlock’s “comeback” John starts obsessing with constantly making sure he’s alive (checking his heartbeat etc.)

Victim, Bait, Hero, Friend by KimberlyTheOwl (T, 7,887 w. || Post-TGG Epilogue, Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Past Kidnapping / Torture / Implied Rape, Panic Attacks, Worried / Possessive Sherlock, Lestrade is a Good Friend) – Some insights into why John was perfectly willing to throw everything away for a chance to kill Moriarty at the pool. Trauma, ugliness, and finally healing. Some nice supporting work by Lestrade as well.

Nightfall by CKLizzy (T, 8,001 w. || Nightmares, Graphic Desc. of Violence, H/C, Cuddling/Snuggling) – Awoken by nightmares, John and Sherlock seek each other’s company at night. They find more than either of them knew they were missing. Part 1 of Solace

Until I See the Sun by Vintage Tea Party (T, 8,194 w. || Nightmares, Mild Whump, Friendship, Mild Violence, Angst) – After a particularly dangerous case, John suffers from night terrors. Will Sherlock be able to comfort him? Will he be able to find out what is really troubling John?

We are all together alone by Mildredandbobbin (M, 10,461 w. || Mutual Pining, Implied Torture, PTSD, Child Loss, Post-S3) – John is back at 221B but his relationship with Sherlock is not what it used to be.

The Five Stages of Mourning, Plus One by SunnyRea (T, 10,557 || MCD, Pining / Grieving Sherlock, URT, Heavy Angst, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Drug Use, Graphic Death, Depression, Unhappy Ending) – Sherlock did not want this, did not want another stalemate with John in the middle, a gun in Jim’s hand. This cannot have happened without a sign. There has to be something he missed anything which said today is the day I kill for real.

A Is For Aftermath by ElvendorkInfinity (T, 10,567 w. || Injury / Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Pre-Slash/Bromance/Platonics, Hallucinations, Introspection, Insecure / Worried John, Big Brother Mycroft, Alternating POV, Anxious Sherlock, Self-Deprecating, Mildly Possessive Sherlock, 3G Moment) – John is still hallucinating, Sherlock cannot sleep, and Lestrade has a new case for them. But will life at 221B ever be able to return to normal? Epilogue to M is for Moriarty.

Where the Sun Never Shines by teahigh (T, 11,634 w. || PTSD, Nightmares, H/C, Post-TRF, Implied Sex) – John is a mess. Sherlock can’t fix him, but he tries. That’s good enough, John thinks.

I See You Through by belovedmuerto (T, 12,078 w. || Psychic AU || Empath John, Alternate TGG, Whump, Nightmares, Bedsharing, Slow Burn, Pre-Slash) – John has never asked Sherlock about his past, his childhood, the reason he quails in lonely misery almost every time he sees his brother. He’s never needed to. Part 2 of An Experiment in Empathy

A Building of Bridges by Unique (K, 12,325 w. || Drama, Alternate First Meeting, John’s PTSD / Flashbacks, Mute John, Dialogue-Heavy, Caring Sherlock, Friendship) – No one would ever send Sherlock in to diffuse a stand-off; but on one unlikely day, that’s exactly what happened. “Congratulations, Lestrade,” he called out sarcastically. “You’re traumatizing a war veteran.”

Always the sun by Rose de Sharon (K+, 12,377 w. || Song Fic, Alternate Post-TGG, Friendship/Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection / Reflection, Injury Recovery, Obsessive / Protective Sherlock, Nightmares, John’s Past, Bed Sharing / Cuddles) – Sherlock ponders about how much his life has changed since John has become his flatmate.

The Meaning of Sacrifice by arts_and_letters (T, 14,101 w. || Angst, Reunion, Hurt/Comfort, Mental / Emotional Turmoil, Pining Sherlock) – Sherlock has risked life and limb to protect John Watson, sacrificing his freedom and safety to fulfill his last vow. When Sherlock comes back bruised and battered from his second exile, will John’s love be enough to help Sherlock heal? And will John ever know the truth behind Sherlock’s enigmatic farewell?

The Consequences of Caring by Richefic (K+, 16,156 w. || Friendship & Angst, Domestics, Platonics) – Sherlock might scoff at this ‘caring’ lark. But John Watson’s situation cries out to be ‘solved’ and there is nothing that Holmes likes more than solving things. A series in four parts.

Achieving the Together-Coloured Instant by teahigh (E, 20,776 w. || Est. Rel, PTSD, Codependency, Fluff & Angst, H/C, Smut, Demisexual Sherlock, Experiments) – John wonders if this is how it’s going to be: A life speaking in code, because they’re both too stupid to figure out how to say, “I love you.”

a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of

The Yellow Poppies by SilentAuror (E, 34,952 w. || H/C, Nightmares, HLV Fix-It, PTSD, Trauma, POV Sherlock, Doctor John) – Sherlock is threatened and assaulted in the hospital immediately after having been shot in the heart, first by Mary, then by Magnussen. As he recovers at Baker Street with John and plans the attack on Appledore with Mycroft, he fights to work through the trauma caused by these two visits. Set during His Last Vow.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea by DiscordantWords (M, 39,968 w. || Post S4 Fix It || Grief / Mourning, Victor Trevor, Friendship, Angst, Sherlock is Not Okay, Nightmares/Flashbacks/Panic Attacks, Parentlock, John Comes Home) – Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown.

The Soul Remembers by i_ship_an_armada (E, 43,636 w. || Oblivion AU || Post-Apocalypse, Movie Fusion, Science Fiction, Action/Adventure, Angst, Dreams, Bittersweet Ending) – John Watson is the lone security repairman stationed on a desolate, nearly-ruined future Earth. His dreams are plagued by a tall, dark-haired man, and when his dreams meet reality, he will be forced to question everything he believes is the truth about his life.

The Homecoming Series by sussexbound (M, 51,744 w. across 12 stories, WIP || Domestics, PTSD, Love Confessions) – Sometimes home is all you need. After three years of horror, betrayals, and crushing loss, John and Sherlock find their way back home to one another, and together find new footing in a world that has changed forever.

Lost Without My Blogger by starrysummernights (E, 52,155 w. || Rev. Reich, PTSD, Hurt / Comfort, Fluff / Angst, Psychological Torture, Reunion Fic, Friends to Lovers) – John is abducted and declared dead. How will Sherlock cope without his blogger? How will he react when John comes back from the “dead?” Drama and angst with a healthy dose of romance. Part 1 of I’d Be Lost Without My Blogger

Scars by SilentAuror (E, 60,493 w. || Rape / Non-Con / Abuse, Gaslighting, Manipulation, Dub Con Elements, Homophobia, Angst With Happy Ending, Mary is Not Nice) – S3 rewrite, showing Mary’s manipulation of John as he realizes his love for Sherlock. Mary is not having it.

The Progress of Sherlock Holmes by ivyblossom (E, 62,006 w || First Person Sherlock POV, Pining, Angst, Slow Burn, Infidelity, Sherlock Learns About Himself, Happy Ending) – Sherlock struggles with his feelings for John, makes a mistake, and learns just how important he and John are to each other. Non-BBC Mary / John, but it’s a *complicated* relationship.

An Experiment in Empathy by belovedmuerto (T, 62,397 w. across 13 stories || Empath AU || Psychic John, Psychic-by-Proxy Sherlock, Empathy, Psychic Bond, Romance / Bromance) – In which John is an empath, Sherlock is Sherlock, and an epic bromance happens. In the aftermath of The Great Game, John creates an unexpected bond between himself and Sherlock. Now they have to learn how to deal with it. John is better at this than Sherlock is.

You Have Drawn Red From My Hands by J_Baillier (T, 67,085 w. || Three Garridebs, Heavy John Whump, Hurt / Comfort, Pining, Heavy Angst, Case Fic/Adventure, Slow Burn, Sick Fic, Injury, Guilt & Depression, Just Talk Already Please, Medical Realism, PTSD) –  John getting injured leads Sherlock on a path of guilt and revelations.

Darkling, I Listen by You_Light_The_Sky (T, 73,254 w. || Fairy Tale AU || Loosely Based on Beauty and the Beast, Magical Realism, Suicidal Themes, Romance, Creepiness, Adventure) – No one who enters old London ever comes out. They say that the beast devours them. When his sister disappears, John ventures into the dead zone beyond the wall, and finds a brilliant madman under a terrible curse… Part 1 of Darkling I Listen + Extras, Deleted Scenes

Maintenance and Repair by patternofdefiance (E, 106,650 w. || FutureAU, Augmentation || Augmented John, Depression, Body Modification, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Sci-Fi, Self-Care, Body Dysmorphia) – John wants to explain the rush of sensation and data, which is just another form of sensation (or is it the other way around?). John wants to say:Augmentation circuits report temperature, pressure, various forms of quantitative input. Sudden changes are reported as pain, since sudden changes are dangerous, and pain is the quickest way to encourage reflexive extraction. But all John can manage is, “Nng.” Because this sudden touch is not reporting as pain. Part 2 of STATIC

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w. || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, H/C, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

Colors by Quesarasara (E, 140,537 w. || Pleasantville-Inspired AU || Soulmates, Colour Bonds, Alternating POV, Angst, Fluff, Pining, Case Fic, Medical Procedures) – Everyone on earth is born with eyes that see in black, white, and an endless series of greys. When you meet your soulmate, you finally see the world in color. We’re all searching for the person who brings color to our lives. John and Sherlock are no exception. Part 1 of The Colors ‘Verse

Unkissed Series by 221b_hound (T to E, 184,168 w. across 46 works || Established Relationship, Ace Sherlock) – Sherlock returned from the dead a year ago. John returned to Baker Street six months ago. They’ve been in a couple since then. or at least, not NOT a couple. For two smart men, they sure can be dumb. Luckily, an art thief tries to drown Sherlock, Sherlock has a fever dream and things are about to change.

COMICS

Endless Dream by Navydream (M, 236 Pages || Sandman AU, Nightmares, Dreams, Developing Relationship, Transversing Time, Tragic Love Story, Happy Ending) – John’s been having strange dreams lately about a man who’s eyes are made of starlight…

MARKED FOR LATER

Pulse Points by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 2,719 w. || PWP, Anal Sex/Fingering, BJ’s, Fluff and Smut) – Sometimes John needs extra reassurance that Sherlock is alive and well.

Experimental Comforts by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 2,752 w. || Femlock, First Kiss / Time) – Sherlock tucked her right hand up under her head and took the rare chance to look her fill at her blogger and friend. During the day, she couldn’t dare let her gaze linger too long, lest John learn the true nature of her feelings. Now, with John asleep, it was safe, she could look and watch without any fear. Sherlock let her eyes travel over John’s quiet form. If possible, she looked even more beautiful like this, relaxed and at peace, the usual frown of worry gone from her lovely face. Sherlock wanted to touch, to stroke her jaw, her shoulders, trail her fingers down that smooth flesh and feel all the mottles and softness. Fighting that urge caused her to dig her nails into her own palms, the pain a stabilizing force, keeping her from doing something colossally stupid. Like pressing her lips to that same skin, or attempting to learn what John’s lips felt like under her own. Sherlock took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to regain control over her rapidly-beating heart. Sleep. She needed sleep. Sherlock closed her eyes, and willed herself into slumber.

A Study in Night Terrors by Dovahlock221 (T, 2,811 w. || 5 and Ones, Night Terrors, (Emotional) Hurt/Comfort, PTSD Sherlock, Worried John, Hurt John, Angst with Happy Ending) – Five times Sherlock suffered from night terrors and the one time he had the best dream of his life.

Panic Series by Dovahlock221 (G to T, 11,528 w. across 8 fics || Panic Attacks, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hurt John, Protective Sherlock/John/Mycroft, Character Injury, Sick Sherlock, Post S4, Anxiety, Nightmares, Caring Sherlock/John) – A series about Sherlock dealing with Panic Attacks and the people who help him through it.

[zaraevee]

I just saw Toy Story 4 and i'm still reeling

First off, I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH. What made it so good was that it built on all the others to give a final happy conclusion, looking forward to the future in hope in a way that no one would have expected. I don't think I can say a single thing I didn't like other than the fact that the dummies were extremely terrifying (but they even poked fun at that) and the bit when Woody agreed to give up his voice box and the dummies surrounded him felt so damn dark omg. His voice when he asked for Gabbi to leave him Forky sounded so broken and honestly gave me chills. But of course, it was very well done. I never thought I would actually like Gabby Gabby but by the end of the film, when she found the lost child, I was crying because of how happy I was that she finally got a chance to be loved.

Also, something you must know is I am a huge Toy Story nerd. Ever since I heard the first news about this film several years ago, I have read and watched every article and interview I could get my hands on. Also I suck at keeping myself from spoilers (thanks curiosity) so I basically knew all of the major plot spoilers and had even seen some footage of the end where Woody decides to stay with Bo. So, that didn't hit me as hard in the theater as it might have, because I had already watched that clip 14 times and cried for half an hour at 2 in the morning lmao

Also Woody has been one of my all time favorite characters since I saw the first two movies when I was 6 or 7. I got a version of his hat at Disney world in 2014 and though I never wear it, it is very important to me. Woody has always made me feel an overwhelming warm, positive energy, but also he can be incredibly badass. (I love that I feel this many things from not only a fictional character, but one that is a toy). But, I will say, a lot of the time when I watch the Toy Story movies all I want is to give Woody a hug because he freakin deserves it man!! (Woody is the kind of man people should strive to be, if so inclined, he's certainly not perfect. He's sarcastic, and can be mean, jealous and self centered. He also looses his temper quite a lot, has made plenty of mistakes, and is loyal to a fault. But he is brave, empathetic, sweet, loyal and shows weakness sometimes, even if he is afraid to. But everyone who knows him doesn't expect him to be perfect. He does so much, but one man (toy lol) can't carry the whole world on his shoulders and his friends know that and are there to remind him of that when he forgets. That's one of the reasons why I love the Toy Story franchise so much, it provides an example to kids (and adults alike) what a family should be.

So, Dad- Woody, especially during the first bit of the film when he babysat Forky was so funny and wholesome also I felt so bad for him oh my god! Also, TOYS SLEEP?! (or at least their version of it??) WTF! Also I stan Bo so much and always have I love how sassy both her and Woody can be and how perfectly they work together 😊💕 (they're the cutest freaking couple) (and they were definitely one of my first ships before I knew what shipping was)

I love how TS4 built on the other 3 movies and changed everyone's perception of things- what it means to be a lost toy and what it is like to be a lost toy, "no toy gets left behind", what it means to be there for a kid, the true significance of Woody's voicebox and the part toys play in human's lives (because there was A LOT more risky action of the toys around humans than in any other TS movie (except for the Sid part in TS1 lmao)) Also I love all of the parallels in the movie- from all the uses of Woody's voicebox throughout the movie as a sort of foreshadowing, to Duck & Bunny's day dreams, to when Woody and Bo were separated for the first time to the ending scene with them (and there were so many more but i've only seen it once so I can't list them all).The delivery of lines was so good as was the characterization, and the animation itself OH MY GOD. I'm not going to make a post on that or talk about it too much because a lot of other people have, but the detail and attention to textures and lighting was the most ICONIC thing. From the texture on Forky's pipe cleaner arms to Woody's scuffs and stitches, to the light reflecting off of Bo's porcelain, to the DETAIL of the trashcan at the carnival, it was so FANTASTIC. also THAT CAT! Two more things- the moment when Woody grabbed Bo's arm and it came off and they both screamed was so funny and well done and also Buzz's "she'll be ok... Bonnie will be ok" got me so hard as well as the sheer heartbreak in Woody's face during that scene. I'm so glad that Woody got his version of "retirement" after being alive and hard working for around 60 years. Overall, I will stand by this film as one of the best of the year, and in my opinion, the best one of the Toy Story series and the perfect end to a story.

[prettyyoungtragedy]

You and I, Just the two of us - Chapter 13

You and I, just the two of us - (AU!) 13

James (Bucky) x reader, – Steve x reader

Summary: The reader is reeling from a life changing event; a year later can she finally move on? Or will the past come tumbling down like an avalanche…

A/N: This chapter is a little personal, anyway, enjoy it I guess. I finally got around to posting all these chapters lol They have beeeeen sitting in my drafts, I don’t really know what I am doing with this fic anymore but yeah! hope you guys like this chapter!

Word Count: 3638

Warnings: gun violence trigger...

Chapter One | Chapter Two| Chapter Three| Chapter Four| Chapter Five | Chapter Six| Chapter Seven| Chapter Eight | Chapter Nine | Chapter Ten | Chapter Eleven| Chapter Twelve | Chapter Thirteen | Chapter Fourteen |

You and Sam stared at the pregnancy test on the table. Both of you at a loss for words,

Finally, you broke the silence, “It’s Steve’s,” you said, “I think…”

Sam looked at you incredulously, “You think?”

You looked at him, a guilty look on your face.

“You didn’t…” He said disbelievingly, looking at you.

“We did…” you replied, facepalming yourself in regret,

“God fucking dammit, you two are idiots.” Sam exclaimed, shaking his head,

“What the fuck am I going to do, I don’t want a kid right now,” You wailed, your head slumping into your arms, defeated. This was everything you were trying to avoid. This was just a cluster fuck at this point.

Sam was quiet for a moment, “You have to tell Steve…about you and Bucky, Y/N” he said softly, “If this kid isn’t his, he deserves to know.”

You knew his was right, this was something you couldn’t keep from Steve any longer, he deserved to know what was going on. Especially if this baby wasn’t his. But you also knew Natasha was going to murder you, genuinely straight up fuck your shit up when she found out what you had done.

“This is going to be a disaster,” you mumbled, silently praying that the test was wrong, and you weren’t pregnant.

“Yes, and you also need to fix things with Bucky, if this child is his, he also needs to know Y/N,” Sam pointed out, “Time to start owning up to your mistakes,”

Sam was being the voice of reason, that’s why you had come here. He was harsh and straight to the point which is what you needed in this situation. He was also scarily always right when he gave advice.

“Okay, time to go face the music,” You said, getting up and putting the test into the brown paper bag.

“Good luck out there kid,” Sam said, giving you a quick hug, before you left his apartment.

The first thing you did was go and see Bucky, you called his apartment, and Artur informed you that he was at work. As you stood outside the massive towering building, you looked up at the skyscraper. The big bold letters of Barnes Industries, glinting in the afternoon sun.

You knew the moment you stepped through those doors, and told Bucky you were pregnant, everything was going to change. You didn’t know if you were ready to say it out loud yet, but you knew you had to get it over and done with.

It felt wrong to tell Bucky before you told your fiancé, but you had to tell him first. So not to blindside him when Steve finds out.

You walked into the airconditioned building, making your way to the reception. The receptionist knew you and waved when she saw you. you returned her greeting with a smile,

“Is Bucky here?” You asked, she nodded and waved you upstairs as she picked up the phone.

Once inside the elevator, you hit the top floor button and waited as it travelled towards it destination. Your heart thundering all the way up. When it dinged on the landing, you took a deep breath and exited the elevator, greeting his assistant as you approached his office door.

“Hey Leah,” You greeted,

“Y/N, hey!” She said getting up from her desk to give you a hug, “How are you, I haven’t seen you in a while!”

“I am good thanks,” You replied, “Is he in?”

She nodded, “Yeah, you can go in,” taking her seat again as the phone rang,

You knocked slightly on his office door, you heard him say come in, and you took one last deep breath, steadying your nerves before you entered. His office was massive and lavishly decorated, in kin to his obvious CEO status at Barnes Industries.

“Y/N,” Bucky said, surprise in his voice when he saw you. he quickly got to his feet,

“Hey,” you said softly standing nervously at the door, your nerves on edge when you saw him. seeing him again after so many weeks apart set your heart racing.

He moved toward you then stopped, like he was remembering why the two of you hadn’t seen each other in such a long time.

“How are you?” He asked, giving you a small smile,

“We have to talk Buck,” You said, not responding to his pleasantries,

“Sure,” he said, motioning to the couch in his office,

You took a seat and waited for him to take a seat opposite you, he adjusted his tie and then took a seat. Both of you silent for a moment,

“What’s going on?” He asks, concern in his voice,

“I’m still mad at you,” you say, crossing your arms over your chest.

“What for now?” Bucky replied rolling his eyes,

“Wanda?” you say,

“And again, you didn’t let me explain that situation, you just jumped to conclusions!” Bucky said exasperation evident in his voice,

“So what is the explanation Bucky?” You snapped at him, angrily brushing your hair out of your face.

“Wanda and I were never dating, we gave it a try and it didn’t work out. That was it.” He said. It was hardly an explanation, nor did it give you any insight into why he made you hide from her.

“Yeah sure, I believe that,” you replied sarcastically,

Bucky sighed, “Why are you here Y/N?” he asked,

“I’m pregnant,” You said, the moment the words left your mouth, you felt the weight of them. It was like a tidal wave, crushing you.

Bucky stared at you for a moment, a look of shock came over his face, replaced by confusion.

“And I need to know this why? You’re engaged to Steve.” He replied with a sigh,

You were slightly taken aback by his reaction, and frankly a little annoyed by it as well.

“The night we slept together,” You started, “We didn’t use protection,”

“Oh god,” you heard him mutter, he rubbed the back of his neck nervously,

“Yes, there is a very good chance its yours,” You continued,

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Bucky repeated, then cursed some more, getting up he paces across the office. You waited for him to calm down, before you continued talking to him.

“I haven’t told Steve yet, but I am going to have to tell him about the night we spent together,” You said,

Bucky stopped pacing and looked at you, “He’s going to break up with you, if you do.” He replied,

“I know,”

“You can’t tell him,” Bucky said, coming over and taking a seat beside you,

“Why not?” you asked looking at him in confusion, you had assumed he would ant you to tell Steve, and for the two of you to break up,

“Because you’re happy and I don’t want to be the reason you’re unhappy Y/N, you deserve to be with Steve,” Bucky said softly,

“I can’t lie to Steve, Buck” You say, swallowing the lump in your throat, “Its eating me up inside,”

“You have to, Y/N don’t fuck it up with Steve, he is good to you. Better than I will ever be to you. I have accepted that,” he said, gently brushing your hair behind your ear,

“And if this child isn’t his? I have to lie to him?” You replied,

“Get rid of it,” was his reply.

His answer shocked you, and you stared at him. not knowing what to say. Suddenly rage ripped through you, even though you didn’t want a child, that thought hadn’t even crossed your mind once and you slapped him, hard.

“What the fuck was that for,” he exclaimed, looking at you angrily,

“You’re a fucking idiot.” You replied, then stood up and storming out of his office.

You blew passed his assistant who looked up confused as Bucky ran after you, “Y/N wait,” he called. You furiously jammed the elevator button, you were fuming.

“Y/N, just let me explain” Bucky murmured, coming up beside you placing his hand on the small of your back, his assistant glancing at the two of you with a curious look on her face.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” you hissed, stepping away from his touch,

A hurt look came across his face, “Can you just give me a chance to explain please, in my office” he glanced at Leah, who quickly looked back down at her computer.

“No, I heard everything I need to,” You snapped, then stepped into the elevator. Needing to get away from him before the tears started falling.

Bucky grabbed your hand as you stepped into the elevator, but you pulled away from his grasp, and a defeated look flashed across his face before he stepped back, and the elevator doors closed.

You wandered around the streets of Manhattan for half the day before you finally headed back to Steve’s apartment. You had a work event that evening that you had to get ready for, and you were already running late.

When you walked into his apartment, his stylist was already there waiting for you. as was a makeup artist, you weren’t really a fan of someone else dressing you, but it made Steve happy when you used his whole team of people, so you just went along with it.

“There you are!” His stylist exclaimed when she saw you, “Lets go get dressed,” she dragged you off before you had a chance to even greet Steve. You needed to talk to him, but for now it would have to wait.

Two hours later you were dressed in a simple cream silk dress, with simple make up and you you’re your hair down , Steve was waiting for you in the hallway dressed in a black tuxedo. He was your date to the event, the party was the Lasker science awards, and Tony was hosting it.

“I still can’t get over how beautiful you are,” Steve said, pulling you into his arms and giving you a kiss when he saw you,

You smiled at him, but guilt tripped through you once more. He was always so kind, and loving, however were you going to tell him about Bucky.

“Steve,” you said softly, “Before we go, I have something to tell you,” as the two of you headed downstairs to the town car waiting to take you to the Rockefeller center where the event was being held.

“Sure,” he said, “Is everything okay?”,

You got into the backseat beside him, and looked at him. Your heart was racing as you built up the courage to tell him that you were pregnant.

“You look great in this tux,” you murmured, adjusting the bowtie he wore, giving him a quick smile.

“Thanks, but I know that isn’t what you had to tell me,” he replied, taking your hand in his.

“Please don’t freak out okay.” You mumbled, barely being able to breath, “But I am pregnant.”

Steve was quiet for a good minute before he said anything. “Uh wow…” he said, when you looked at his face you weren’t sure what to say. he didn’t look to thrilled by the news. He let go of your hand and had a frown on his face.

“Yeah…” You replied, for some reason you were expecting a better reaction than this from him.

There was an awkward silence between the two of you. Steve stared out of the window as you traveled to your destination. Your mind was numb, you didn’t expect him to react this coldly towards the news, he said he wanted kids.

When the driver pulled up to the venue you turned to him, “Are you not going to say anything?” You murmured touching his hand,

But Steve was silent, he glanced at you for a moment, then down at your hand touching his.

“You know what, I think it’s best if I go to this by myself tonight,” You say,

Expecting him to put up a fight, but he doesn’t. “Yeah, I think so too, enjoy.” Was his curt reply,

You were too stunned to even reply to him. you got out of the car and made your way into the center. Feeling entirely numb by this whole situation. Steve was cold, almost aloof to you. This was a whole new side of him you were seeing.

The evening went by in a blur. It was the type of event you loved going to, getting a chance to meet extraordinary people in your line of work. But tonight, you were just numb. You couldn’t focus on having a good time, as all that was on your mind was Steve and his col reaction to you telling him you were pregnant.

Natasha and Bruce were at the party, enjoying a night away from being parents. Nat kept asking you if you were okay, and you kept insisting you were fine. She was highly suspicious when she saw you not touch a single drop of alcohol that night.

“Nat for the ninetieth time, I am fine!” you sighed, as the three of you walked out of the center by the end of the evening,

“Really because you don’t seem fine Y/N.” Nat persisted.

“I am just tired and would like to get home.” You said, stifling a yawn. Your body was tired, and this day and night had been exhausting.

“Alright well, call me tomorrow?” She said, giving you a hug. Bruce hailed a cab for you and you bid them goodnight before getting in.

A couple of blocks before your apartment, you had asked the cab driver to stop and let you out. You wanted to walk for a bit, to clear your head. And your hormones were getting the better of you, you were craving chocolate ice cream. There was a 24 hour convenience store nearby, so you decided to take a quick walk to it, in search of your treats.

The bell on the door chimed as you walked in, a young man behind the counter gave you a quick smile, before you headed off to the freezer section. You stood for a good few minutes trying to decide between two almost identical chocolate ice creams. Suddenly there was a bang, and a shout, and what sounded like a scuffle. You quickly move to the front of the store it investigate and you stop dead in your tracks.

At the cash register, stood a man with a gun. Pointed directly at the cashier. In a low voice he was demanding the money in the register. The young man behind the counter look terrified as he held his hands up in surrender. His gaze flitting to you for a second, and as it did the gunman turned his gaze upon you as well.

You dropped the items in your hand, they clatter to the floor, loudly. Your heart stopped. Fear had you paralyzed as you watched him turn his gun on you. He shouted something at you, but the only thing you could hear was the blood pounding in your ears. Your heart thumping wildly in your chest. Your body frozen from terror. No words could come out and it was as if your life flashed before your eyes, as you watched him place his finger on the trigger and squeeze.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. The loud bang of the gun going off startles you. You felt the wind get knocked out of you, as you toppled backwards, into the glass door of the fridge. You didn’t feel any pain, not yet anyway. Dazed, confused, and scared you try to sit up. the gun goes off again, and you look down at your body, your cream dress now crimson soaked.

You didn’t know where you were hit. The adrenaline coursing through your body was staving off the pain for now. Your vision blurred, as you saw the gunman turn and bolt out of the store. The cashier was on the phone immediately, yelling something into the receiver.

Again, you couldn’t seem to focus. Your breathing was suddenly ragged, and you struggled to take a breath, feeling like you were underwater. The young man, was suddenly beside you, applying pressure to somewhere on your body, his eyes wide with fear.

“Ma’am, you have to stay awake.” He yelled at you, “Emergency services are on their way.”

But you couldn’t stay awake. No matter how hard you fought it, you felt yourself growing weaker by the second. And within a matter of minutes, your eyes flutter closed, darkness engulfing you.

Your eyelids feel like lead as you try to open them. There’s a metallic taste in your mouth and pain, just pain everywhere. Mainly in your chest, as you tried to breathe, you reached up and felt a respiratory mask over your mouth and nose. Pulling it off thinking it was hindering your breathing, you tried to take a deep breath but a sharp pain lances through your lungs. Leaving you panting in pain.

“Hey hey, Stop.” A voice beside you, holds your arms down. You force your eyes open and see a nurse. She’s wearing pink scrubs and has a clipboard in her hand.

You try to talk but your throat is as dry as sandpaper, and you end up coughing. The nurse quickly moves to the side of the table and brings you a glass of water. Which you accept gratefully, by drowning the drink down in a matter of seconds.

“Welcome back,” she says giving you a smile. Your mind is racing as you look around you and the realization of what happened to you, hits you.

“Where am I?” Your voice hoarse,  

“Lennox hill hospital, do you remember what happened?” The nurse asked you,

You nodded, and then looked down at your chest. It was wrapped in gauze and bandages. You could feel the stitches beneath it all. The bullet had landed in your chest, so breathing as difficult for you.

“How long have I been here?” you asked, your throat dry and sore.

“It’s been a few days, but you’re okay. So that’s all that matters.” The nurse replied.

“I am going to get the doctor and your fiancé, they are just outside okay?” She said, reassuringly. Then exited the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts for a moment.

You closed your eyes for a moment, a relief washed over you. You were alive and in that moment, that was all that mattered. It could have been so much worse for you. then a sudden awareness hits you, and your hand instinctively touches your stomach. Was your baby okay?

A few minutes later, Steve came rushing into the room.

“Y/N!” He exclaimed, practically bolting to the side of the bed. He grasps your hand and places kisses across your face. “Can I hug her?” Steve suddenly asks, looking at the doctor,

“Gently yes, be careful of her stitches,” The doctor replied with a smile,

Steve doesn’t wait, he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into his chest. Slightly jostling your body. You winced as pain lanced through your chest as your stitches shifted with the slight movement.

“God, I thought I’d lost you.” He said, voice choked full of emotion. He lets you down gently once more and takes a seat beside you as the doctor comes up to check your vitals.

“Y/N, as I am sure you are aware. You suffered a GSW to the chest a few nights ago, we were able to remove the bullet, and repair the damage that was done. You did however go into cardiac arrest due to the trauma that your body went through, and we had to resuscitate you.” The doctor paused as he let the information sink in.

You were staring blankly at him, he was saying words, but you were barely understanding any of it. Your heart was thumping loudly in your chest, making it ache slightly. All you wanted to know was if you were still pregnant.

“We did so, but unfortunately we cannot tell if your pregnancy is still viable or will survive to full term after doing so.” He continued,

As soon as the words left his mouth, you didn’t hear anything else. You felt like you couldn’t breathe again, you just stared blankly at the doctor. Until Steve touched your face, “Baby, are you okay?” he murmured beside you,

“I..I just need a minute.”  You replied, squeezing your eyes shut to keep the tears back. It wasn’t that it was a planned pregnancy, but it didn’t hurt any less. You had a fleeting moment of knowing you were with child before in a blink of an eye, it is taken away from you.

The doctor and Steve left the room to talk outside, leaving you alone for a moment. You suddenly couldn’t contain yourself, you began to sob, softly to yourself. The pain in your chest unbearable. Everything hurt and somehow you felt like this was karma for what you had done, in a bitter way you deserved this. After everything you had done, you were willing to hurt Steve for this child, to tell him about what had happened between you and Bucky for this child, you knew how many people would get hurt if you admitted what you had done yet you were going to do it. And in some strange way, this was karma for that, for your selfishness and now the thing that you were willing to hurt so many people for was taken away. This made you sob harder.

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