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silveredspoons · 2 days

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Where Is Your Boy Tonight?

SUMMARY: Art loved Tashi. Art would do anything for Tashi. That includes leaving you alone on your birthday because she needed him. Luckily for you, you have his best friend and a bottle of champagne stashed under your dorm bed.

Patrick Zweig x Reader

3.6k

WARNINGS: P in V Sex, Fingering, Infidelity, Cheating, MDNI

You knew when you started dating Art Donaldson that you weren’t going to be his number one. Hell, you weren’t even top three, but you thought that he could at least spend one night pretending that you were somewhat important to him. That’s harsh. He did love you, just not as much as he loved Tashi, or Tennis or even Patrick.

That’s how you found yourself alone on your birthday, slightly tipsy from the drinks you had previously at the bar with your friends (drinks that Art was meant to attend but had never showed up to). You were trying to wrangle the heels strapped to your feet off and toss them across your single dorm room, but maybe it was the alcohol, or more likely the fury of being abandoned on your fucking birthday, but the tiny buckles would not budge. You could only let out a frustrated groan and throw yourself backwards on your single bed, giving up on the removal of your clothes.

You really shouldn’t be as mad you as you were, you had full expectations that something would come up that would distract Art. It was more maddening that he hadn’t even acknowledge you today at all, no happy birthday message, no sorry I can’t make it text, not even flowers delivered to your door. A better woman would probably leave him, realise that being fourth in someone’s life isn’t what they deserve and move on with their life. You were not a better woman, not yet at least, you were still young. Still making mistakes and choosing to stay with a guy who doesn’t truly love you.

You weren’t desperate. There were good things about being with Art as well, like when you guys would fuck in his dorm, and he’d hold your face in his hands and brush the hair off of your face and kiss your forehead. Or, when he would surprise you after class with coffee, a snack and the kindest eyes you had ever seen. He was kind when he wanted to be, and he gave you affection that you hadn’t received before. It was just frustrating that, that affection was only available to you when he couldn’t have Tashi. All she would have to do is look in his direction and he’d go running over to her, you could only assume that she was the one who had stolen his attention today. Usually, you could forgive her for it, it’s not her fault that your boyfriend was in love with her, but surely, she could have given you just this one day.

It was during this pity party you heard the knock on your door. Hard, quick and loud you could tell who it was before even opening the decorated door. You couldn’t help but let a small smile creep up on your face and you rolled yourself off of your bed and stumbled to answer the knocking that had yet to stop.

“You know most people text when they’re coming over” you smiled as you pulled the door open, Patrick's smug face staring back at you from where he leaned against the door frame.

“And where is the fun in that? It’s supposed to be a surprise.” You didn’t even get the chance to properly respond before Patrick had snagged you into his arms and held you close. You were sure that you smelt of vodka (which you had licked off your body by a stranger earlier that night in a wild moment of freedom) but that was nothing compared to the smell of beer radiating off of Patrick.

You groaned as you tried to escape his hold. It wasn’t unusual for you and Patrick to find yourselves alone together, despite both of you dating others it wasn’t unseen by the two of you how they usually left the two of you to talk. Which is probably why you had a tipsy Patrick at your door.

“Where are the wonder twins?” You questioned, once finally free from his grip. Patrick snorted as he threw himself onto your bed, leaving you to shut the door behind him and crawl into the small available space he had left on the bed.

“Talking tennis of course. Apparently, it’s very important that they spend the rest of the night going over Art’s new life as a lap dog.” You snorted in turn at Patrick's cruel remark, you wouldn’t usually laugh at him teasing Art but tonight you were pissed and didn’t really care about his feelings.

“I see, and that means you are shunned to the doghouse?” You joked. Patrick rolled his eyes, and he moved his body over to allow you more space on the bed, which you took greedily. The two of you laid next to each other, you bare knee brushing against his thigh as his head was laid next to your chest. You rested on your arm to look down at him and couldn’t help but frown at the crestfallen look he had on his face. You had chosen to be fourth in Art’s life, Patrick didn’t. Without thinking you reached your unoccupied hand down to his face to brush the slightly damp curls out of his face.

“Wanna drink?” You asked, quick to change the subject away from the neglect the two of you had faced.

“God yes.” Patrick moaned and you laughed before you reached down under you bed and grabbed the bottle of champagne that had been stashed there this morning. A gift from a friend, the card still attached to the neck of the bottle. It wasn’t expensive of course, which college student can afford good champagne? But it would get the job done.

“Happy birthday, hope this helps you get screwed?” Patrick read out, clutching the card that came with the bottle, eyebrows raised as he looked up at you. You couldn’t help the blush that spread across your chest, and you snatched it from his hands and thrown it across the room. The joke your friend had written quickly becoming unfunny when coming from Patrick’s mouth.

“When was your birthday?” Patrick questioned as you moved on to opening the bottle, hands clasped around the neck and thumbs pushing the cork to loosen it. You looked into his eyes and felt the blush only grow higher as you realised his eyes were trained on your hands. Hands that held the bottle much like you would hold a certain appendage. You looked away, eyes trained onto the alarm clock on your bed side table, bright red number reading ten past midnight.

“’About ten minutes ago” you muttered, hand gripping the top of the cork and pulling it off with a flourish. You barely had a chance to react the bubbles overflowing over the top before Patrick's lips were wrapped around the opening and sucking down the spillage. You shivered as you watched his tongue dart around the neck of the bottle, briefly touching your fingers before he pulled away in shock.

“Wait what? It’s your birthday?” Patrick moved into a sitting up position on the bed, joining you. There was no space between the two of you, legs tangled up together as you passed the bottle to him. He took a small swig before pressing it back into your hands. Once freed from the bottle he dropped his hands onto your thighs, bare due to the fact your mini dress had ridden up and now sat high on your legs, barely covering your lace clad ass.

“Was. It’s over now.” You replied bitterly taking a large gulp of the warm champagne. Maybe if you were sober, you would realise what position you were currently in with your boyfriend’s best friend, maybe if you were a better woman, you would remove yourself from his grip and ask him to leave. But you were not a better woman, you were angry and tipsy and all you wanted was to feel those hands all over your body.

“Shouldn’t you be out celebrating still? Where’s Art to give you a birthday treat?” Patrick's hands wandered further up your legs as he questioned you. He knew he was pushing the boundaries of what friends should be doing but he couldn’t help it. His best friend and girlfriend had kicked him out of Art’s dorm and left him to fend for himself. And how was he supposed to resist you when you had looked like that, strappy heels digging into the bed next to him, mascara smudged from where you had rubbed your eyes, lace panties peeking through the gaps of legs.

“Like you said, the lap dogs busy.” You held the bottle up to Patrick's lips and couldn’t not ogle as he let you tip it further back, forcing him to take more of the champagne. The bottle was only about halfway drunk, but you were sure that it was providing more than enough courage for the both of you. You pulled the bottle away from his lips, now glistening from the liquid and bent backwards to place it on the floor of your bedroom. Chest on display for Patrick’s gaze.

You righted yourself on the bed once more, your body now pressed against Patrick’s. It was a bad idea, to be here with him right now. But Art was with Tashi, and the way Patrick was looking at you as if you were the most divine being on the planet was enough for you to close the gap between the two of you and press your lips on his. It wasn’t even a full second before Patrick’s hands gripped your hips tight and pushed his lips onto yours in return. It was messy, you tasted of cheap alcohol and he of smokes. Your tongues both danced with each other’s, licking the backs of teeth, sliding against wetted lips. Your hands gripped his curls, and you tugged without thought, holding him in your embrace. Patrick’s moan did not go unnoticed by you, and you let the smirk spread across your face and you pushed him down on the bed.

It was a short-lived act of dominance though before Patrick pulled away with teeth pulling your lip, taking your body in his hands he flipped you around without much effort. You let out a surprised squeak as you back smacked lightly onto your bed, without even a moment’s notice you felt Patrick grip your wrists in his large hand and hold them above your head.

You were so unused to this forcefulness, with Art everything was more delicate, more worshiping. Usually, it would be you who took charge, whispering dirty things into his ear as you gripped his cock, teasing him for at least an hour before he even got to touch you. Patrick was so the opposite of this, taking your body in his hands as if he owned you, as if you were his to use as he wished.

“God your boyfriend is an idiot for missing out on this” Patrick whispered in your ear as he leaned down to kiss along your neck. You were ashamed of the heat that rose to your core at the mention of Art. You tried to buck your hips into Patrick’s, but he only smirked as he moved them away, clearly not eager to give you the satisfaction of his cock just yet.

“You like that? Thinking about Art as I mark you?” You could only nod as Patrick sucked a dark spot into the side of your neck, you knew you would be unable to hide that under a turtleneck and the thought drove you wild as you imagined Art’s reaction.

“Please” You begged, pulling your leg up his back trying to drag Patrick closer to you. You tried to give your best pleading eyes as you begged again, unsure of what you were even after. Patrick's smug laugh only further irritated you but you request was granted as his spare hand reached up to cup your breast. His hands pulled down the thin straps of your dress, fingers flicking your nipples and you shuddered in pleasure as his lips soon joined. You threw your head back against your baby pink pillows and managed to pull a hand out of Patrick’s grip allowing you to thread your hands into his dark curls and pull him closer to your chest.

“Fuck me” You moaned and your felt Patrick smirk against your soft skin.

“I’m trying.”

You rolled your eyes and lightly smacked him upon the head earning a laugh out of the boy on top of you. You felt Patrick's body retreat from your own as he lent back to take in the sight of you. The straps of your dress had now fallen down completely, your breasts on display and purpled from his adventures. His fingers danced at the hem of dress, slowly pushing it up to reveal the lace red panties you had worn for Art, Patrick’s eyes darkened at the sight as if knowing these were worn for his best friend. Your hands pushed at the hem of his shirt a silent plea for him to take it off, which he gladly obliged, throwing it somewhere in the corner of your room.

You allowed yourself the chance to ogle at Patrick’s chest, the trail of hair that went down past his pants made you flush, and you couldn’t stop yourself from letting your hands reach out and play with the dark curls. Patrick shivered under touch, and it was your chance to smirk at his pleasure. You raked your nails down the sides of his stomach towards back, hands slipping under his pants and gripping his ass over his boxers. Patrick moaned as his body fell back towards yours and you pressed your lips into his neck and up to his ear, teeth pulling at the lobe as your hands continued to explore his body.

Before you knew it Patrick was digging his clothed dick into your heat, hand tangled in your hair as you turned your head towards his, mouths meeting in a messy make out. Your moans filled the room, and you felt your eyes roll back as Patrick’s hand found the top of your underwear, fingers pulling at the elastic band and letting it smack into your skin. It was without warning before his hand was shoved under the lace, between your legs and finger gliding up your already wet slit before he placed two fingers around your clit. He allowed them to tease the bud lightly, making you whine in desperation, before he pressed down and began rubbing circles into it. It was rough and clumsy, and you could tell that while Art would do this to get you off, for your pleasure this was all for Patrick’s. Just the beginning to the pleasure he wished to seek from you.

“I need you inside of me. Please fuck me.” You beg as Patrick’s finger dipped into your hole, they were thicker than Arts as well, though not as long, but the stretch was heavenly. The pace was fast and unforgiving, leaving you breathless as he pushed it further into you.

“What would Art do?” Patrick asked, lips pressing into your neck again, adding a second finger into your hole. You moaned at the mention of Arts name and your breath hitched as you felt his fingers curl up and press into the right spot.

“Could he make you moan like this huh? Bet he regrets leaving you here to fend for yourself, where anyone could have you.” Patrick's words only spurred you on as you felt yourself nearing the edge. Your fingers dug into his back as breathy whines left your lips.

“Only you can do this, only moaning like this for you.” You managed to sputter out, which only seemed to spur Patrick on more, pace speeding up as if he knew you were about to come. In a few well positioned strokes and dirty words about how unfortunate Art was to be missing out on your moans you felt yourself coming on his fingers, a high-pitched moan that would leave your neighbours covering their ears left your throat as you pressed your breasts into Patrick’s chest. You felt yourself coming down as Patrick slowly fucked you with his fingers, before pulling them out and holding them to your lips. It was without a thought in the world that you wrapped your lips around his fingers, tongue pressing in between them as you sucked on them. You held eye contact with Patrick and felt the way his hips pressed down into yours.

“Fuck you are such a dirty slut” Patrick whispered, and you were shocked by the way the words went straight to your core. He pulled his fingers out from your mouth, letting them drag down your lips and face, wiping the spit onto your chest. You felt dirty and used in the best way possible, something Art had never done before.

“I need to fuck you.” Patrick stated, hands reaching down to his own pants, undoing them and pulling them down enough to pull his cock out. You could feel your mouth drop as you took in the sight in front of you. Art wasn’t small by any means, always filling you up, making you feel like you couldn’t take more, but Patrick was big. While the same length as Art’s the girth was almost double.

“I think you might break me with that” You joked, and Patrick smirked as he pulled your panties down your legs. You blindly reached into your bedside table before finding a condom and tossing it to Patrick. He only winked at you as he tore open the foil packet and rolled the latex down his cock, pumping it a few times to get him prepared.

“Turn over” Patrick demanded, and you did so without complaint. Your dress was now scrunched up to your waist, with your tits on full display. Patrick’s hand went straight into your hair, pressing your top half down further into the mattress as his other hand took his cock and began teasing you along your slit.

“Are you just gonna play with it or fuck me like a man?” You questioned but the words were cut off as Patrick inserted his full length into your hole in one thrust. Your mouth fell open as Patrick began a harsh pace, his dick forcing you open in a way you had never experienced before. You felt a smack on your ass before Patrick gripped it within his hand, using it to pull your body on and off his cock.

You tried to form some sort of wording, to tell him how good it felt but all you managed were short whines and a few fucks as his hips slammed into yours. You couldn’t help but get wetter as you heard him moan from behind you, it was like listening to a tennis match only this time you weren’t bored out of your mind.

“Fuck just like that, you’re so big oh my god” You managed to mutter as Patrick pulled your body back up, your back now pressed against his chest. You could feel the sweat between your bodies and your head lolled to the side as he pressed his fingers back into your mouth, his tongue licking the side of your neck while his spare hand reached down to rub fast circles into your clit.

“How’s the princess liking her birthday present huh?” Patrick asked, as he groaned into your ear, you could only nod and moan, your hands gripping his arms as you let the pleasure take over your body. You couldn’t seem to focus on anything he said anymore as his cock slammed into you over and over again, ripping any breaths out of you,

“You wanna come again?” Patrick teased, fingers speeding up on your clit and you nodded moaned.

“Please, please make me cum” You begged, and Patrick grunted into your ear, picking up his pace. You let your body go limp as he fucked you like a toy, tears now gathered at the corners of your eyes. Patrick noticed and without hesitation licked your face of the tears that had fallen down, his spit covered your faced and with that you felt the band inside you snap and you were coming again.

Patrick let you ride out your high before he was pushing your face back into the bed, his hands now gripping your hips and fucking into you as if you were some sort of flesh light as he chased his own high. It was only a few moments before he was moaning into your ear and filling up the condom.

The two of you stayed like that for a minute, sweaty chest pressed into your back, with kisses peppering your shoulder. His hand came up to brush the hair out of your face as you twisted your neck to the side so you could kiss him, his cock softening inside of you. With slow movement Patrick removed himself from you and slid of the condom tying it in a not and chucking into the small bin you hid under your desk. You rolled yourself over as he came to lay down next to you once again, you allowed yourself to be pulled into his arms and you laid your head onto his chest. Your fingers danced across his skin as he rubbed your arm, silence over taking the room. As if the weight of what the two of you had just done finally settled.

“We can’t tell Art.” You spoke. The words hung in the air, neither of you wanting to push the topic further.

“Or Tashi.” Patrick replied and you look up at him only to find him staring at you.

“It was just a one-time thing between friends. A birthday present.” You reasoned and Patrick snorted, you couldn’t help but let yourself giggle at the absurdity of it all too.

“Pretty fucking good birthday present.”

A/N: So I watched Challengers and of course I was fucking hooked. I am honestly an Art girly but we all know that that man is obsessed with Tashi so I do not stand a chance (also he is fictional). So instead here is some sex with Patrick. I have never written smut before so I am very sorry if it is bad and clunky, its hard to write about sex without it sounding kinda cringe I wont lie. Also I haven't edited this but need to get it out there.

#patrick zweig #art donaldson #challengers #patrick zweig x reader #challengers x reader #patrick zweig x reader smut #art donaldson x reader #tashi duncan #patrick zweig x tashi duncan #art donaldson x tashi duncan

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runningfrom2am · 1 day

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requiem // prologue

summary: according to coriolanus snow, his best friend had the most beautiful voice in all of panem. she had been training her whole life constantly to get where she was; being up for a residency at the most elite opera house in all of panem. singing was her passion. her true love; and when that got stripped from her in a second, his world became a whole lot quieter. he loathed every minute of it.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 0.8k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: opera singer!mentor!reader (blink and you'll miss it), she's kind of a prodigy!! p cool imo, mute!reader, bestfriend!coryo, friends to lovers trope ooo, mentions of graphic violence early on (particularly the prologue) but after that it's pretty safe, depictions of ptsd/trauma, mental illness and minor suicidal ideation but at least she's not entirely alone, descriptions of minor medical treatments and use of medication.

a/n: hi! welcome to the prologue for requiem!! just a taste to set things up :) sorry !!

my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)

send me any and all of your thoughts! here!

series masterlist // playlist // pinterest board

'Are you coming to the zoo after class?' The note Coryo slid in front of you asks. You look up at him and nod, before taking your pen and scribbling underneath his penwork on the same page, sliding it back as your teacher went on and on about things you had already studied and knew by heart.

'Walk together?'

Now it's his turn to nod, meeting your gaze with a smile.

You hadn't had the chance to meet your tribute yet, but Coryo's idea to go and greet his tribute was very smart. You admired it- he was brave to do that, but something deep in the back of your chest made you uneasy about it. Regardless, you and several of your classmates would make the trip after school to go greet them, bring them food, and get to know them as much as you could. You part ways with him once you arrive, planning to walk home together later.

"Valkyrie?" You call out, scanning the tributes trapped in the cage to try and pinpoint her. You see her when her head turns at the name and you smile, waving her over. "My name is Y/N. I'll be your mentor."

She doesn't say anything as she stops in front of you, giving you a death glare that could give you chills. She looked strong. It was good, she'll do well in the games. "It's nice to meet you," you continue. "My job is to help you however I can. So anything you need or want, I'm your girl. Just say the word."

Her cold stare doesn't falter, but you try not to let your discomfort show. You need her to trust you, that was Coryo's best advice, so you would do all you could to take it. "Are you hungry? You must be. I brought you some food." You don't wait for a response that you know isn't coming, digging in your bag already.

"It's my favorite, but I do hope you like it." You hum, pulling out a container with some crackers and honey, and a lemon to cut up and put in your water bottles. "Care to sit?" You offer, already sitting down yourself, kneeling in front of the bars. You smile when she obliges, matching your posture across from you.

"I'm a singer, and honey is really good for the throat." You explain, hoping that she'll begin to trust you if she knows you a little better. "It's a nice bonus that it tastes good, too. I'm not supposed to have sugar, but I think honey is the next best thing." You open the container, trying not to expose the shakiness in your hands as you grab the small bowl of honey and a knife to spread it, but this fails drastically when you accidentally drop it and it falls past the bars just out of your reach.

"Oh, gosh- I'm just so clumsy, would you mind passing that to me?" You ask, trying to reach for it anyway. You grin when she reaches out for it, picking it up by the handle. "Thank you..." You tell her, leaning closer to grab it from her hand. Something in her eyes shifts so fast you have no chance to really pick up on it before she grabs your hair with her other hand and pulls you back into the bars.

You scream, adrenaline pumping through your veins in an instant as you try and pull yourself away but it's too late and your screams are silenced by the blade of the knife against your throat.

Your eyes go wide as she lets you go, hands coming up to your neck out of instinct and when you pull one away it's warm and covered in red. Blood. Your own blood. You're choking, trying to breathe but the air feels sticky as you fall back. "Y/N! Y/N? Hey, look at me. Look at me!" Your best friend cries out, suddenly in front of you with his arms at your sides, lowering you carefully to the ground.

You stare up at him, hands still clasped over your neck which he matches with his own, doing his best to try and stop the bleeding. "Help! Somebody, help!" He shouts, turning and hoping help is coming as your heartbeat drums behind your ears.

Several gunshots ring out, echoing in the back of your head as you stare up at the sky and Coryo drops down on top of you, likely trying to dodge the bullets. You don't know where they were going- and you don't care.

You try and speak but no sound is coming out, just the sickening gurgle of your own blood replacing the smoothness of your voice. You know it's really not good when your vision starts to blur, the last thing you see being Coryo's panicked expression as he looks over you, desperately yelling at you to stay awake and for someone to please, please help.

no taglist this time around!! my fics usually get over a hundred requests to be added to the taglist so instead i made a library! follow me over on @runningfrom2am-library and turn on notifs to get updates when i post new parts!!

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jyuansgf · 3 days

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boss!pantalone x maid f!reader. 18+ minors dni. ⌗ breeding kink, bit of voyeurism, just horny thoughts for pantalone honestly. >__< (notes at the end.)

♡ okay but pantalone as your overworked boss who uses you for his own satisfaction!! :( you’ve been serving under him as a loyal maid – lucky for you, he decided to pick you up on the cold streets of snezhnaya. you were on the verge from dying of cold, from being starved. until this man changed your whole entire life, picking you up from the streets like you were just some stray cat. originally he would’ve turned you into the house of the heart, but why would he do that? in the first place he doesn’t even usually care, but he sees something in you. at least you have a purpose when it comes to him and in his eyes, you make an attractive ornament on his desk.

boss!pantalone who uses you for his own pleasure, every night after an irritating day dealing with commoners–and money. you just know what to do the moment he enters his own office where you just stand or sit around prettily there, the other maids are always jealous of you. were you actually a maid or just a pretty doll whose job is just to stand around his office? you would often ask pantalone to give you a task or to help the other maids but unfortunately, he would just shrug it off with a chuckle. you want him to give you a task, you say? but it would always end up with you on your knees as you suck him off prettily, soon enough your throat would be full of his seed as he praises you for doing a good job.

boss!pantalone who hates to see you get dirty, he would always often buy you pretty clothes, dresses or anything you ask for! even pretty lingerie sets. as always, everything’s gonna get expensive. you want those pretty necklaces? you can get it. you want those cute mary jane shoes? of course! he would buy you everything. he would like to see you dress up for him, he would even ask you to do a show for him in the bedroom you two share. do a little spin in front of him with that cute dress he bought for you, look pretty, be a doll for him. but don’t whine when the dress gets ruined, because soon enough you would be a writhing mess under him and the only reason why he wants you to be pretty is because he think it’s more fun to ruin pretty things, until you’re crying, sobbing and a writhing begging mess for him. (he would buy you a new one if you really liked it, don’t worry.)

boss!pantalone who would often bring you to his personal meetings with the harbingers–or with his underlings, they all find you pretty, of course. but one time–one of the fatui agents had made a mistake just by looking at you as if he’s undressing you with those eyes. and the next moment, he’s tied up in front of you two on his knees as you sit on pantalone’s lap with your legs wide open as his delicate fingers, knuckles deep inside your pussy making you cum on his fingers, plus points if he made you squirt! after all, the main goal was to give the agent a show of how good you are and that he will never have the chance to touch you. it was pantalone’s own way of punishing, but soon enough, the agent would be turned into one of dottore’s lab rats.

boss!pantalone who would sometimes see you hanging around with the kids of the house of the heart, he thinks it’s cute. the way you giggle around them, the way you randomly give them candies, and the way you actually let one of those kids sit on your lap as you tell them some fairy tales stories. one of the kids would even ask him personally of how you’re doing and why you haven’t paid them a visit yet. he thinks it’s lovely to see you around them. and as far as he can remember, you don’t even mention to him how much you love kids, is it because they see you as a sister figure or a mother? but in the end, pantalone would end up having these thoughts to breed you, to pump you full of his little pups inside your womb. he didn’t even think about this before but something awakened inside him, a usual fuck would fix this for him, right? but it didn’t. the thought of seeing you with a swollen belly around him, in your maid outfit–or any dress that he bought for you, he just can’t help it. soon enough you’d be pinned down on the bed, as he fucks you rough! you have no idea why he’s being rough. but he just aims to breed you, to cum inside your tight cunt until you’re leaking :( he would watch your cute little cunt as you can’t handle it to keep it in you anymore. but don’t worry! he’ll just fuck you as many times as he can, until he’s sure you’re fully bred to the point the only thing inside your tummy is his cum.

whew that was long.. tbh this is just me yapping & being freaky about pantalone >__< need this man playable already!!!! it's the voices telling him he has a breeding kink its ok. after the leaks of the voicelines about him, i love that he's a certified yapper :3!! (me too mr pants..) need this man to talk right next to my ear as he fingers me AHSHFSFHJSHF as always asks or reqs are open!! if you have any hcs, i'd like to hear about them please ^__^ most of my posts aren't proofread, so forgive me i just rawdog my way out of it ok ^u^)9

#pantalone smut #pantalone x reader #genshin smut #genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin imagines #pantalone x you #fatui harbingers #fatui x reader

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mrm0rgansw0man · 2 days

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hi !! can i have a more angsty arthur fic of the reader admiring him from afar and wanting to give him all the love he’s deserving of but feels she doesn’t have the chance to ? :)))) happy ending would be nice maybe arthur reads a note of hers !

god i love writing angst. LETS DO THISSS

hope you enjoy!! Xx @risingtripletaurus

I can let you down, I can make you Hurt.

Bitter, freezing cold. That was all you felt. Just the cold and the ache in your heart. Your whole chest ached, from the cold or from the emotions you were feeling you didn't know.

This whole Blackwater fucked up mess was just what you needed. You had already been struggling, being new to the gang and trying to help out and earn your keep. And, not only that, but Arthur Morgan hated you. You were sure of it, you had no clue what you did to offend him but just until right before this mess he started pulling away from you.

He was always friendlier with all the women of the camp, but you and him had taken a liking to each other. But one day, it just stopped. The hellos. The cups of coffee he'd bring you every morning. The shared cigarettes. The random talks, it was so nice. You'd be lying if you said you hadn't fallen for him. You though he could be falling for you too, but looks like you were wrong. You knew it was too good to be true.

"You're so down." Charles said simply. You looked up at him, not even having noticed he came into the cabin you had been sitting in.

"I can practically feel it in the air around you." He continued. Your eyes flit away from him and back to the floor. You watched a few snowflakes melt into your boots.

"Why do you care?" You asked quietly. "I'm sure you've got much better things to worry about than my problems."

Charles shrugged. "Just wanted you to know I'm here if you want to talk. I'm not doing much lately, cause of this hand. So I've noticed more."

Tears welled in your eyes. You blinked them away before you thought Charles could notice. But he still did.

"I've never seen you like this before. I'm worried about you, (Name)." Charles said. His voice more stern now. "Ask anyone, it feels like and looks like, no offense, that the life has been drained out of you."

"It's jus' the cold..." You mumbled. "I'm fine Charles.."

"You know, I was sitting in this cabin with you for hours. You didn't move once. You didn't even know I was here, did you? And Abigail came in to try and talk to you, but it was like you were in a whole different world."

Uh oh. Fuck. He's got you there. You didn't even know Charles had come in, let alone Abigail.

"Have you ever had to love someone from a distance Charles?" You asked weakly. You finally lifted your head enough to meet his eyes.

"No." Charles said with a sigh. "But I can't imagine it's a great feeling."

"It's not." You said with a sniffle. "Not at all."

"Can I ask who it is?" Charles asked you cautiously.

You let out a choked cry. You took a few deep shaky breaths, trying to keep yourself together. It was getting harder and harder by the second. God dammit Charles why do you have to care?

"Arthur." You whispered, wiping away the few tears that managed to escape your eyes. "It's Arthur."

Charles didn't say anything, he only nodded. So you kept talking.

"He was so kind to me when I first started riding with you. We got on real well too." You said, finally starting to weep. Who cares anyways? "I started falling for him. Quick and hard, and could you blame me?"

"No, I was convinced he was sweet on you." Charles admitted. Though all it did was send more tears floding out of your eyes.

"He'd bring me coffee in the mornings. We'd talk. He always said Hi to me at the very least when we crossed paths." You said softly. "And he made sure I was eatin'- I mean you know how I was when I first got here."

"Always sick and thin as paper." Charles said grimly, having been on of the few people that helped take care of you during that hard time.

"Neither of us sleep very well, he'd come find me or I'd go find him. We had such nice talks on those nights, he opened up to me. Like really, really opened up to me. And I opened up to him too." You continued, your cries becoming harder and your voice rising.

"I don't know what I did!" You cried. "But one day it all just stopped! He wouldn't talk to me, he hasn't even looked me in the eyes Charles! I don't know what's wrong with me! I just want to love him!"

"Oh (Name)..." Charles started, but you cut him off.

"He deserves so much Charles!" You sobbed. "He is such a good man, no matter what he says when he looks in the mirror! I just want to love him, he doesn't even need to love me back! Do you know how pathetic that is? How disgustingly pathetic I am to love him like this!?"

You inhaled and exhaled at a frantic pace, running your hands over your tear soaked face. It was too much. You couldn't breathe. You wrapped your arms around yout face and buried yourself in your knees. Charles rushed to your side, kneeling down next to you. He placed both his hands on your shoulders and just stayed there, giving you something to hang onto. Keeping you grounded.

You finally lifted your head and met Charles's eyes, only to find them already locked on you.

"I just want to love him. T-that is all I w-want." You managed to get out between sobs. "And now I've lost m-my chance! I can't keep going like this Charles! He's- he's been through so much. That poor man has suffered and s-suffered and I just want t-to make him feel like he deserves something!"

"Arthur-"

"Needs me! And I need him to need me because look how badly I need him! If he doesn't love me the-then what am I supposed to do?!"

You broke apart, sobbing harder than you were before. Probably harder than you have ever cried in your life. Charles caught you, and he wrapped his arms around you. He let you sob and scream into his chest until you couldn't breathe.

"I just want a chance I just want a chance! I want to know what I did wrong!" Was all you could say, over and over again. Charles rocked you back and fourth, letting you cry yourself out. It took at least an hour, but eventually your cries had lulled to a stop.

Once your breath had returned to normal, Charles spoke.

"I'm going to go get Miss Roberts and Miss Gaskill. They'll take care of you. I'm going to talk to Arthur, don't you worry about this for another second." Charles said soothingly. It was all you could do to nod a yes at him. He pulled away from you, but right as he was about to reach the door you called out for him.

"Why are you being so kind to me?" You asked horsely. Charles looked back at you and gave you a small smile.

"First of all, I like you. Quite a bit, your a good person (Name)." He said simply. "And secondly, you haven't moved from that spot for over a day and you haven't even noticed. Someone needed to do something."

And with that, he left. You sat in silence until Abigail and Mary-Beth showed up. They tried to talk with you but you didn't have the strength to even reply to them. They accepted this, and helped you to your room and laid you down in your cot.

You laid there for what felt like hours, completely lost in thought.

"Glad to see your feelin' better, Miss." Arthur said, handing you a tin cup filled with scalding hot coffee. You took it gratefully.

"Thank you, Mr. Morgan." You said with a smile. "I've got to say I'm liking your company more and more each morning you visit me."

"Oh don't be too flattered, your jus' the only one up as early as me." Arthur said with a smirk, playfully elbowing you in the side. You chucked and hoped Arthur didn't see the blush spreading across your face.

"Well a girl can dream!" You said, that same flirty smirk crossing your face.

"Arthur! I need to talk to you!" Dutch called.

Arthur groaned in annoyance. He turned to leave, but at the last moment he turned back. He grabbed your hand and squeezed it.

"Meet me at the campfire tonight. We never get t' talk without gettin' bothered." Arthur said. You nodded your head happily as he turned to leave, running of to do whatever the hell Dutch wanted him for.

You felt yourself smiling at the memory, even if it was just a weak one.

That night at the campfire was the first of many, you two met every night you could. And that was when you truly began to fall for Arthur, those nights by the burnt out campfire. The last night it happened, you told him about your life before joining the gang, and why you were so sick when you first arrived.

"No one in my family was right." You said with a deep sigh. "My daddy hung himself in our living room right before my mama had me. And since then she just never had any happy in her head."

"Jesus.." Arthur mumbled. "Was your Mama good t'you, at least?"

"Pfft, no!" You said with a laugh. You took another swig of whiskey from the bottle Arthur stole from Pearson for you. "Beat me halfway to hell every other day. I think she had some disease. Think I might have it too, honest to god."

"D'ya really think that?" Arthur asked, taking a swig of his own whiskey bottle.

"I jus' get so low sometimes.. Not enough happy in my own head." You said sadly. "Not something I can really help, but it happens. Part of the reason I was so sick when I first got here, that and being out in the elements."

"What a woman you are, Miss. (Name)!" Arthur said with a laugh. "Survivin' yer' Mama, survivin' runnin' away into the wild, and survivn' yourself!"

Arthur and you spent a lot of time talking about your past life that night, so much time you had finished that whole bottle of whiskey. Bittersweet tears filled your eyes as you remembered what happened next.

You stood up from the ground, and wobbled your way over Arthur and poked him in the chest.

"Tell me, Mr. Morgan!" You slurred. "What have you survivedddd?"

"Oh sweetheart, we ain't got time for that tonight." He said, shaking his head at your drunken boldness.

"Pleaseeee Arthurr??" You whined, a wrong step sending you tumbling down into his lap. He wrapped his arms around you instinctively, and you smiled happily. It was a giddy childlike smile that Arthur would never forget.

Arthur had no idea what possessed him to do so, but he gulped down the last of his whiskey and started talking.

"My mama died when I was real young..." Arthur said, his voice going quiet. "My daddy was a thief, a petty one at that.. Wasn't even a real father. He wasn't good t'me at all. The lawmen got him when I was jus' eleven."

" 'M so sorry Arthur..." You said, wrapping your arms around him and hugging him tight. He rested his chin on your head and returned the hug, god it was so nice to be held like this. To be able to feel freely.

Arthur had no clue why he was so drawn to you from the very start, but ever since he first laid his eyes on you he couldn't get enough. He knew he was a goner, but he'd be lying if he said the thought didn't terrify him. Hell, sitting here like this with you terrified him! But even with the fear in the back of his mind, he could feel the whiskey clouding his thoughts and what little remained of the walls he so constantly put up crumbling.

Arthur went on about his family for a bit, and then told you all about getting taken on by Dutch and Hosea. He told you about what a deliquent he was, told you about when they brought John in. And Miss. Tilly. Then he told you all about a girl named Mary Linton, and about the love they used to share. You listened intently to every word, even in your drunken state. You prayed to whatever god above that you remembered this all tomorrow.

"I had a boy once." Arthur said, after a long stretch of silence. "His name was Issac. He passed on, though."

"Oh Arthur." You whispered, finding his hand and holding it tight. "I'm so sorry!"

"Some bastards killed him 'nd his Mama. Eliza." Arthur said, his voice breaking. "Shot 'em. All for a measly ten dollars."

"What is wrong with this world.." You murmred. Arthur just shook his head.

"I wasn't there f'him much. I shoulda been a better father to my little boy..." Arthur mumbled, his words starting to slur. "I was good to them when I was 'round, but that doesn't make up for nothin'. I'm a horrible person, (Name)."

You sat up, moving your legs around Arthur so you were straddling him. You grabbed his face in your hands, forcing him to look you in the eyes.

"Did you love his Mama? Did you treat her well?" You asked fiercely.

Arthur nodded his head frantically. The change in you startled him.

"Did you play with your boy? Did you hold him? Did you tell him stories, or sing him to sleep?" You pressed on, even with the tears forming in Arthur's eyes.

"Y-Yes!" Arthur said, stumbling over his words. "He was small, but he still liked to run. He liked being held-"

Arthur stopped, a strangled cry escaping his throat. You took your hands off of Arthur's face and wrapped both of your arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms back around you, burying his face in your hair and neck. Arthur thought that he should want to leave, but he realized he'd rather be buried alive then leave your arms right now.

"His favorite was 'Hush Little Baby'" Arthur said softly, you could feel the tears falling from his eyes now. "I was so happy to sing it to him the last time I...."

You sat up- which scared the wits out of Abigail and Mary-Beth-and covered your eyes. Trying to block out the image of what came soon after that.

The comfort you brought Arthur. The way he held your face in his hands. The kiss, so passionate. You both tasted of lust, whiskey, and pain. It was a fiery mix of emotions that sent you both stumbling into his cot and ripping off each other's clothes.

And then he wanted nothing to do with you.

"Honey? What's wrong?!" Abigail said, she wrapped her arm around you and Mary-Beth took your hands off of your face and held them.

Charles had given them a brief explanation of what had happened, but they were anxious for him to get back. They wanted to know what Arthur had to do with you being in an absolute state. They sent each other worried glances.

"When will Charles be back?" You asked with a sniffle. You leaned into Abigail and held Mary-Beth's hands tighter.

"Shouldn't be much longer, I promise honey." Abigail said.

"Want to tell us what's wrong?" Mary-Beth asked softly, she was testing the waters.

You looked between your two friends, and smiled weakly. God, you loved them so much.

"Okay."

»»———-　　———-««

"Arthur? Are you here?" Charles called out before going right into Arthur's room.

Charles found Arthur sitting on the edge of his cot. He was reading a letter.

"What is it, Charles?" Arthur said, still not looking up from the paper in his hands. Arthur didn't even seem like he was listening to Charles.

"Put that down. I need to talk to you." Charles said, his voice becoming more serious.

Arthur re-read the words written on the paper one last time before looking up at Charles.

'Arthur, please tell me whatever I did. I just want to talk to you again. Please, just talk to me whenever you read this. Your true friend, (Name)'

"You know, (Name) isn't doing good. She's been sitting in the corner of her room, curled up. Not moving, not talking. Nothing." Charles said simply.

Arthur's eyes widened, but he didn't say anything. Charles continued.

"I sat there with her for hours, and she didn't move a muscle. I watched Abigail come in and try and talk to her, but it was like she was talking to a wall." Charles said. "And that was after Molly had tried to talk to her for hours the night before. She's the one who came and got me."

"Is..is she alright?" Arthur asked, his nerves evident in his voice. He knew this was his fault. He could feel it in his bones. Oh god, he was a fucking idiot,

"No! She's not alright!" Charles snapped. "She barely even looks human! When I finally got through to her all she could do was cry! And she was crying about you!"

"No.." Arthur said softly. "Where is she now? I need to go see her-"

"You can go see her when we're done here." Charles said sternly. "Arthur, did you know she was in love with you?"

Arthur ran a hand over his face. Oh great, now he'd really done it.

'I'm such a piece of shit..' Arthur thought to himself. 'God.. Oh my god..'

"No." Arthur said. "I jus' thought... I don't know what I thought! I jus' didn't think she loved me."

"I just want to love him. He doesn't even need to love me back." Charles said with a sigh. "That's what she said to me, while she was sobbing so hard she couldn't breathe. And then 'I just want a chance! I want to know what I did wrong!'"

"I get yer' point!" Arthur shouted. "Jesus christ..."

"She's broken. Between having to be here, the whole mess in Blackwater and you completely disregarding her, she is broken." Charles said.

"I KNOW GOD DAMMIT I GET IT!" Arthur shouted, standing up from his cot. Charles stood firm, crossing his arms over his chest. He had said his part, now it was Arthur's turn to speak.

"Does.. Does she really love me?" Arthur asked weakly, taking off his hat and running his hands through his hair. Charles nodded. " I thought she was just' sweet on me a little bit, I thought I was jus' sweet on her.."

"Do you feel different now?" Charles asked. When he joined this gang, he never expected this would be the role he took on. Oh well.

Arthur stilled for a moment. He knew how he felt about you. But how could he even say it out loud, knowing how love had turned out for him in the past?

Mary had to leave him. Her father hated him because of his life as an outlaw.

His love for Eliza and his child only got them shot.

How could he condemn you, someone who has suffered and suffered, to a life with him? He wanted nothing more than to make you feel loved, protected, and cared for. He wanted to hold you like he did that night, to keep you close. To kiss away all your pain and never let you feel like you don't deserve it. Because you deserved the world, Arthur just didn't think he could give it to you.

And he was scared. He was so scared, so instead of being a decent fucking human he ran. And now look at what he did to you. Sent you right back to that dark part of your mind where you never wanted to be stuck in again.

"Yes." Arthur said finally. "But, how could I even try anythin' with her? I don't want nothin' happening to her cause of me! She deserves so much more than I can give her!"

"Arthur, I don't think you understand." Charles said with a deep sigh. "She doesn't want more! She isn't expecting anything of you! All she wants is. you."

"Why does this matter to you anyways! Who are you, t'come in here and talk t'me about this!" Arthur spat. "You have no right-"

"Yes I do!" Charles said, his voice rising. "I took care of (Name) when she first joined us, so I'll continue to take care of her now! She can't function! She needs you, Arthur! And I have a feeling you need her too."

Arthur stood there, glaring at Charles. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to scream foul things at him, for getting into his head like that. But he also wanted to thank him. For being there for you while he failed miserably.

"Figure it out. And then you go see her." Charles said coolly. "Don't go see her like this, she's not strong enough."

Charles left, Arthur's cold stare practically ushering them out the door. Arthur stood there for a few more moments, not really knowing what to do with himself. Charles had sent his mind reeling.

He knows what he wants to do. He wants to go to you, hold you, kiss you, tell you how sorry he is. Tell you that he loved you so much but he got scared, and instead of facing it like a man he ran like a boy. He never wanted to hurt you, but look how bad you were hurting now!

You loved him. And he loved you, but Arthur ran away and now would you ever be able to forgive him? He hadn't even told you he loved you! Arthur was sure he had already ruined everything. Not to mention the two of you slept together, which Arthur didn't even know if you knew it happned or not you were both so god damn drunk!

Arthur sat down and sighed. He took out the letter you left for him to find. He read it again, only this time he stopped over a certain line.

"Just talk to me."

It echoed in his mind. Arthur could practically hear your voice, begging him to talk to you. And he knew what he had to do. Arthur folded the letter up and placed it neatly in his pocket, before placing his hat back on his head. He made a beeline for the hut you were staying in with Molly.

»»———-　　———-««

You had just finished telling your sob story to Abigail and Mary-Beth when Charles returned, not even giving them a moment to react.

You didn't even look up at him when he came back, feeling so weak having to relive what happened with Arthur yet again.

"He's coming. I don't know when, he needed to collect himself. But he'll be here to see you, (Name)." Charles said softly. You nodded, reminding yourself to go and thank him properly when you were better.

"Miss Roberts, Miss Gaskill, please stay with her until Arthur gets here." Charles asked them. Of course they agreed. And then Charles left, god he needed a drink.

Abigail and Mary-Beth stay there with you, wrapped up in blankets in your cot. It was a comforting couple of minutes of silence before Arthur practically broke the door down and rushed into your room. Abigial and Mary-Beth said some hurried goodbyes to you before rushing out of the room.

You knew Arthur was there, but you couldn't look at him. You continued to lay down on your cot, wrapped up in blankets and facing the wall.

Arthur looked at you for a few moments, before taking a deep breath and starting to speak.

"(Name)" Arthur said softly. "Can I uh.. May I sit with you?"

You rolled over slowly, and forced yourself to meet Arthur's eyes. They looked just as broken as yours did when you looked in the mirror. You nodded yes weakly, and Arthur sat down on your cot next to you. He placed a hand on your shoulder, and you closed your eyes. Arthur saw the tears flowing from them.

"I'm so sorry honey." Arthur said with a shaky sigh. "I should never have pushed you away like that."

"You fucked me." You spat, opening your eyes to look at him. "You fucked me! And then you wouldn't even look me in the eyes!"

"You know!?" Arthur gasped, completely shocked. He didn't think you were sober enough to remember what happened that night.

"I OPENED UP TO YOU ARTHUR!" You yelled, finding the strength in your anger to sit up in your bed. "I GOT CLOSE TO YOU- I LET YOU IN! YOU KNOW THINGS ABOUT ME KNOW ONE ELSE DOES!"

Before you even knew what you were doing, you got up and started pounding your fists against Arthur's back. He was caught off guard, so you got a couple solid punches in before he turned around and grabbed you by the wrists.

"You FUCKED ME! AND THEN YOU THREW ME TO THE SIDE LIKE SOME WHORE! YOU MADE ME LOVE YOU! AND ALL FOR WHAT!? ALL FOR WHAT ARTHUR MORGAN!? IS THAT ALL YOU WANTED FROM ME FROM THE START!?" You cried, not knowing when the shouting stopped and your tears began.

You fought to get your wrists out of Arthur's grasp. But he wouldn't let you go. In fact he held on to you tighter, pulling you firm against his chest. He wrapped his arms around you tight and without even knowing what he was doing started peppering your head with kisses.

You punched, you sobbed, you screamed, you fought like a bat outta hell trying to get out of his grasp. But Arthur wouldn't let you go. He took every hit, every foul name and every insult.

Eventually, your thrashing stopped. Your sobs turned into small shaky breathes, and instead of punching him your arms were wrapped around his neck and you crawled into his lap. Arthur started rocking you back and fourth, and was whispering comforting things in your ear.

"I didn't know you remembered.." Arthur said softly. "Honey.. I thought I took advantage of you. I didn't think you'd wanna sleep with me if you were sober."

Arthur felt you softly shaking your head, but you didn't speak. So Arthur kept talking.

"I never woulda' acted how I did if I had known you remembered that night." Arthur whispered. "And, I can't lie to ya' honey. I was afraid. I didn't feel worthy of somthin' like what we had going on. I wasn't thinkin' right- actually I don't think I was thinkin' at all."

"Do you love me?" You asked, your voice a broken whisper. "Arthur I have loved you from the first moment I saw you. You know just as well as I do that there is some type of connection between us that we didn't even spark ourselves. Everyone saw it happen before their very eyes."

Arthur looked down at you, and you were looking up at him already. You looked like a scared little girl, and it broke Arthur's heart. How could he have done this to you?

Arthur swallowed thickly. It was now or never. He was afraid, but his fear meant nothing. Nothing mattered when it came to you. Arthur couldn't bare to lose you, especially not like this.

"Yes." Arthur breathed out, a small chuckle leaving him. "God, I love you so much. Please forgive me f'being such a goddamn moron-"

Before Arthur could continue, you grabbed Arthur by his coat collar and pulled him down into a passionate kiss. Arthur moved his hands to cup your face, using his thumbs to wipe the tears that fell from your closed eyes.

You kissed until the both of you needed to pull away for air, and then Arthur kissed you again. He never thought he'd be able to feel your soft and loving lips against his own ever again, so he made sure to savor every moment.

Once you had both caught your breath, Arthur sat there. He held your face in his hands. The love in his eyes sent a blush to your cold and tear stained face.

"I love you (Name) (Last-name)." Arthur said, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead. "S'much. More than you'll ever know. More than I'll ever be able to show ya' sweetheart."

You let out an airy laugh, and for the first time in a long time you felt like you could breathe. Your chest wasn't heavy anymore and it felt like your heart was actually beating.

"But I sure as hell will try. Like you said, there is somethin' between us that's not even we could control." Arthur said softly. The smile on his face sent butterflies to your stomach. " 'M so sorry I made you feel so horrible. I'll do everythin' I can to make this right. To make us right, honey."

"It's okay.." You whispered. "It's not entirely your fault, y'know I'm sick anyway-"

"Which is another reason why I shoulda' been smarter!" Arthur said, his voice soft still but also firm. He pulled you into another hug. "I need to keep the happy inside your head."

"You remember that?" You gasped. You were deeply touched that he had remembered something so small.

"I'd have to be dead to forget any of the talks I've had with you sweetheart." Arthur said, his tone nothing but truthful. You smiled into his chest, his words made you feel like you were floating on a cloud.

You both sat there in a comfortable silence, Arthur gently rubbing your back and rocking you back and fourth. You had your eyes closed, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Arthur noticed a shift in your breathing, and he knew you had fallen asleep.

As quietly and comfortably as he could, Arthur shifted so that you were both laying down again. Arthur wrapped you up in a blanket and let out a content sigh. This felt so right. So perfect. He was still scared, but he couldn't let it keep him from you. It was better to be afraid with you, so you could learn and grow together, instead of pushing himself away and hurting the both of you.

"I'm gonna give you the world, my sweet girl. Jus' you wait and see.." Arthur whispered. He planted a kiss on the top of your head, before drifting off himself.

»»———-　　———-««

a/n: i hope you guys enjoy this! ive literally spent all my free time on it the past few days lol i got wayyy to invested into this, but are we suprised at this point??? Xx

#arthur morgan #rdr2 #rdr2 arthur #x reader #arthur morgan x reader #red dead fanfiction #red dead redemption 2 #angst with a happy ending #angst #arthur morgan x you #arthur morgan rdr2 #lots of angst #but also lots of love #arthur morgan angst #fic request #sad with a happy ending #sadnees #arthur morgan fanfiction

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oliviablancmom · 1 day

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"Pedriiii - Bonus Chapter''

N/A: And as promised, here is the bonus chapter. Have a look at how things are going for Pedri, Isa, and Axel. I hope you enjoy it.

Ps: I just realized now that this image might contain spoilers. lol

One Month Later

Axel was a very active and talkative child, especially when he felt comfortable around someone. It was like that with Pedri, with his friends, and also with the player’s family. Seeing him now, sitting in complete silence, was strange, mainly because he was about to do something he had always wanted, ever since he had understood it, and had tirelessly asked Isa to be able to go onto the field with Pedri. When the request came directly from his favorite player, Axel was over the moon. Isa didn’t even know how to calm him down, he was so excited about the invitation. Hours and days were talking about it excitedly, and now that the day had finally arrived, all that energy had passed, when it should have been the opposite.

“Well, at least we know that when he becomes a player he will be very focused,” Gavi said beside Isa while looking at the little boy.

“I love how you all already assume he will be a player,” Isa said reluctantly. Fernando looked at her and laughed.

“I love how you haven’t accepted that he will be a player yet,” Fer said, standing up and patting Isa on the shoulder. “You need to accept the facts, it will be less painful when it happens,” he said humorously. Isa rolled her eyes at him. She knew that the chances of Axel wanting to pursue a football career were high; he had inherited his grandfather’s passion for the sport. Now, with the presence of the club’s players in his life, Isa was sure that this would influence him even more.

“Isa, it’s time,” one of the club staff entered the room where they were. Isa nodded and walked to where Axel was sitting.

“Hey, baby, you have to go now,” Isa crouched next to her son. His eyes were shining, and Isa was sure of how nervous he was. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Isa said understandingly. Axel made a face.

“I want to go, but do you think Pedri wants me there?” Axel asked insecurely. He always got like this after spending a few hours with his father, but Isa understood her son’s insecurities; after all, she had her own when it came to the player.

“Are you kidding? Pedri has been counting the days for this moment, buddy,” Fer said, crouching next to Isa in front of Axel. The youngest looked at him, still seeming uncertain.

“Isa, he has to go with the other kids,” the staff member repeated. Axel looked at Isa and then at Gavi.

“Gavi, will you go with me?” Axel asked shyly. Gavi approached and picked him up.

“Of course, buddy, if it makes you feel better,” Gavi said, hugging him. “Deep down, deep down, I know I’m your favorite,” Gavi teased. Axel raised his eyebrows, looking offended, which made Fernando laugh.

“You know you not,” Axel said, hitting Gavi’s shoulder. The two left the room talking about something.

“Let’s go to the stands,” Fer pulled Isabella outside, and the woman could feel her nervousness taking over. When she arrived, she saw her father already excited, singing songs of the crowd. Pedri’s parents greeted her with a warm hug.

“You’re freezing, dear,” Rosy, Pedri's mom said, holding Isa’s hand. “Oh, I understand, I always get like this when Pedri goes onto the field,” the woman hugged Isabella in a comforting way.

Isa still found it strange the relationship she was having with the player’s family. They were so welcoming since the game against PSG. They sent messages asking Axel if she was okay. They gathered at Isa’s father’s house just to chat, and they even took Axel for outings. Isa found it strange because she had never had that experience before. Her ex-mother-in-law made sure to criticize her all the time, especially the way she raised Axel. And with her current mother-in-law, everything was different, well, Isa didn’t know if she could call her that, since she and Pedri were not officially in a relationship. This left her even more confused.

“They’re coming in,” Rosy said excitedly, holding Isa’s hand. Isa’s father stood up as if a goal had been scored, holding Fer by the shoulders and shaking him excitedly. Isa laughed at the scene and turned her attention to the field. Pedri was the last to enter, and unlike the other players who were holding hands with their respective kids, Pedri was carrying Axel in his arms.

“He got shy,” Fer concluded. The pre-game processes were finished, and Isa saw when Pedri walked to the edge of the field and handed Axel to Gavi, who was waiting there.

“Aw, a good older son,” Fer said, turning with a mocking smile to Isabella, who rolled her eyes. “I’m going to get something for Axel to eat. Do you want anything, sis?” Isa frowned and just shook her head. Fer looked confused at her and then left.

After a few minutes, Gavi arrived with Axel, who was talking again. His cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were sparkling with excitement.

“Mom, did you see me out there?” he asked excitedly while jumping into his mother’s lap. “It was so cool.”

“You did very well, Axel,” Rosy said, kissing the boy’s hand. “Did you like it?”

“Yeeeees, it was cool to see everyone from the field,” he said excitedly.

“Soon it will be you entering the field with a child,” Pedri’s father said, picking Axel up from Isa’s lap and starting a conversation with the little boy.

“You’re acting strange,” Gavi said beside her, watching her. Isabella looked at him stunned.

“You freeze every time Pedri’s family shows affection for Axel,” Gavi concluded. Isa was sometimes surprised by how observant Gavi was and how well he read her.

“Don’t you find it strange? They hardly know him and treat him like this...” Isa said quietly, hoping the noise of the stadium was enough for the player’s family not to hear her.

“Wow, I know Axel’s father’s family was horrible to you, but to the point of you finding it strange for your son to be well treated?” Gavi asked curiously.

“You have no idea,” Isa muttered, watching Axel get excited with Fer approaching with a bag of popcorn.

“Well, you’re Pedri’s girlfriend now, so it’s natural for them to treat you well,” Gavi concluded.

“I’m not Pedri’s girlfriend,” Isa said in a louder tone, attracting Fer’s attention, who looked confused at her again but soon returned his attention to Axel, who was telling him something.

“What are you talking about?” Gavi asked confused. “Fernando would have already said on Instagram that you weren’t if you weren’t,” he said humorously, making Isa laugh. “And I don’t think his family would interact so much with you and Axel if you weren’t. Believe me, he tells everything to his parents and takes their opinion very seriously.”

“I know, but we haven’t talked about it...” Isa said, watching Pedri run across the field.

“Oh my God, my brother is so dumb,” Fer said, turning again to face Isa. Axel looked at Fernando with a frown.

“Don’t talk about Pedri like that, Fer” Axel reprimanded him, and Fer was shocked.

“You two are very united, I’m at a disadvantage here. How am I going to speak ill of him now?” Fer asked indignantly. “I brought you popcorn, you have to let me talk bad about him a little.”

“Stop tormenting the boy,” Pedri’s father picked Axel up from his son’s lap. Fer looked offended, making Isa laugh.

Barcelona won the match. For the first time, the team seemed to have found a rhythm, and that was reassuring. Isa was in her car in the stadium’s parking lot. There were only a few minutes left until the match ended. Axel was sleeping peacefully in the back seat and would probably wake up only the next day. Early in the second half, he started complaining about a headache. Isa concluded that it was the adrenaline of entering the field finally passing and giving way to exhaustion, which Isa also shared. The woman had advanced all her work so she could have a day off and accompany Axel’s special day. And also, her mind couldn’t stop thinking about her relationship with Pedri. Since the game against PSG, Pedri’s presence had become constant, but at no time did they talk about what their relationship status was. Isa was looking at social media; she and Axel were already on the player’s fan pages, which also speculated about the nature of their relationship. Isa put her phone back in her pocket and leaned her head on the seat, closing her eyes. After a few minutes, the sound of someone knocking on the window woke her up, and she looked outside, seeing the player smiling at her. She unlocked the car, expecting him to get into the passenger seat, but instead, he opened the driver’s door.

“I’ll drive,” he said firmly. Isa didn’t argue, just jumped into the passenger seat. Pedri got in, looked at Axel in the back seat, and then at Isa. He leaned in to buckle the seatbelt for her, and she looked at him curiously. Isa wanted to ask him, but she was too shy to do so, and she was also a little dazed; Isa loved seeing Pedri play, but she also loved how he looked after a match, his messy hair, the confident look, the flushed cheeks. Pedri narrowed his eyes at her, a smile at the corners of his lips.

“What?” he asked, but Isabella just shook her head, forcing herself to return to reality. “What were you thinking about?” Isa felt her cheeks warm.

“Nothing... ” she shrugged

Pedri smiled and leaned in to kiss her, and then he drove out of the stadium toward her apartment.

Pedri could see that something was bothering her. The entire silent drive to the apartment showed that. His brother and Gavi calling him dumb and stupid were also hints. Pedri was sitting in Isa’s apartment living room while she put Axel to bed. It didn’t take long for her to return, and she stopped when she saw him sitting on the couch.

“You’re still here?” Isa asked cautiously, and Pedri found the woman’s cold reaction strange. He raised an eyebrow at her.

“What’s wrong, Isabella?” Pedri asked, watching the woman open her mouth several times to say something, but nothing came out. She seemed frustrated.

“Nothing,” she huffed and walked to the kitchen. Pedri followed her, stopping behind her with his arms on either side of her body, so she ended up trapped between the sink and him. Pedri could spend days looking at her, and he would never get tired. He was obsessed with her; it was all about her, the perfectly sculpted face, the sweet and welcoming smile, the way she raised Axel. The big brown eyes were looking at a point behind Pedri, and now he was sure that something was wrong because normally, when they were this close, her eyes were on his face, mapping it.

“Isabella...” Pedri held her face, forcing her to look at him. “What happened?”

“What are we?” Pedri was confused for a moment, thinking he had already been clear about his feelings for her.

“Is that why you’re in a bad mood?” Pedri asked humorously. Isa rolled her eyes, pushing him away and going to sit on the couch. Pedri followed her, still laughing at her mood. Pedri always enjoyed it when Isa showed her feelings. “I thought it was clear what we had,” Pedri sat next to her, who continued to ignore him. This time, it was Pedri who rolled his eyes. He moved a little closer and extended his hand to her face, pulling her so she would look at him. Isa’s big eyes were shining, and only now did he realize how serious she was.

“You’re married, Isabella,” Pedro said humorously, and Isa opened her mouth, surprised by his words. Pedri let out a little laugh. “We’re together, but to make things official, I don’t want that point between us.”

“Well, that never stopped you before,” this time it was Isa who said mockingly and humorously, and Pedri rolled his eyes, offended, moving away from her. Isa let out a giggle and sat on the player’s lap, holding his face and leaving kisses all over his face.

“I thought you were too smart for this,” Pedri said, holding Isa’s waist, who looked at him, not understanding. “Another thing you told me when we met at the nightclub,” Pedri kissed her neck. “That you were too smart to fall for my flirting.” Isa laughed, and Pedri felt his heart skip a beat; he loved her laugh, and he made wishes in his head so he could hear that laugh for many, many years.

******************************************

Three months later

"Pedriiii," Axel came running down the hallway looking for the player, holding his tiny soccer cleats in his hands. "Can you help me put them on?" Pedri laughed at the boy's eagerness. Today was a big day; Axel was going to play his first soccer game with his football class. At his age, everything was playful and introductory, without the pressure of professionalism, but still, it was an experience Axel was very excited and focused on. Pedri always talked to and supported the boy, encouraging him to enjoy the moment and not take it too seriously. Of course, at the end of the day, all the talk went out the window when Gavi showed up saying, "They are all our enemies; we can’t feel sorry for anyone."

"Axel, baby. Your father won’t be able to attend the game; he wasn’t given time off from work, but he wished you good luck." Isa appeared in the room. Pedri felt a strange sensation at the mention of the man and repressed the urge to roll his eyes at the excuse. It was his son’s first game, and he couldn’t make an effort. Axel shrugged at the information, not seeming affected, and Pedri mentally thanked, as he would hate anyone who spoiled Axel’s joy that day. "Go get your bag from your room, or we’ll be late." Axel ran to his room, and Isa took the opportunity to approach Pedri, hugging him. Pedri inhaled the woman’s perfume; he loved the intoxicating feeling it caused in his senses.

“Thank you,” she whispered in the player’s ear, causing a shiver. Axel returned to the room, running to Pedri's lap, making Isa roll her eyes at the boy’s preference.

“Pedri, don’t forget to control pop's so the coach doesn’t kick him out again.” Isa stopped in her tracks, staring at the two with wide eyes. Pedri felt his body go cold and looked at Axel, who seemed to realize what he had just said.

“What?” she asked, shocked by the information.

“He’s joking, love.” Isa looked suspicious while Axel hid his face in the player’s neck with small giggles.

Pedri had left Axel in the locker room with the other children. His appearance caused a bit of a stir among them, almost getting him kicked out by the coach too, but he managed to calm them down with the promise that he would take photos with all of them after the match. This resulted in Axel having a huge pout on his face while ignoring Pedri’s goodbye... the jealousy... like mother, like son.

Pedri headed to the stands where his family was. His mother was chatting animatedly with Isa’s stepmother, while his father was next to Isa’s father, who seemed to be too calm to what he usually was. When he noticed the player approaching, they exchanged a look of recognition.

“I thought we had a secret, my dear.” Pedri let out a little laugh while greeting his father-in-law.

“Complain to your grandson.” Pedri shrugged.

“She grounded me, but she’s there with the one responsible for the mess.” Isa’s father said, nodding towards where his daughter was. Pedri looked towards the edge of the field, where Isa was talking with Fer and Gavi, the latter hugging the woman who was laughing at something Pedri’s brother was saying.

“Don't worry, I'll make her see who he truly is,” Pedri said, laughing.

“Pedri, leave him alone, poor thing.” Pedri’s mother said.

“Poor thing because you don’t know the thing.” Pedri headed towards the three, and as soon as Isa noticed him approaching, she gave Pedri a cynical look.

“You have your child; I have mine.” She said, referring to Gavi, who gave a smug laugh.

“Now I know where Axel gets his jealous side from,” Pedri said humorously.

“Oh brother, you’re not far behind. You almost had a meltdown at that event because Bellingham greeted Isa and played with Axel.” Fer said, laughing at his brother, who scowled. Gavi burst into laughter, remembering the scene. Pedri looked at him and, seeing that he was about to say something more, so he intervened.

“You keep quiet, Gavira, or I'll tell her your secret...” Isa stopped hugging Gavi and looked at him attentively.

“You’re the only one who believes in his saintly face, Isa,” Fer said beside him, and soon he and Gavi started teasing each other. Isabella laughed at the scene and went to Pedri’s side, hugging him. The two shared a silent exchange of affection until Axel’s game began, and Isa started showing her motherly side. Ironically, Pedri had to hold her when she almost fought with a mother from the opposing team who's child had knocked Axel down rather harshly, which, of course, provided excellent ammunition for Isa’s father to tease his daughter.

*****************************************

Six months later

"Are you sure about this?" Isa asked for the thousandth time that day, making Pedri roll his eyes.

"Jesus... baby. Have you always been this anxious?" Pedri looked at the woman who was leaning against the door frame, staring at the large room, the room of the house that would be theirs. Ever since he had suggested they move in together, Isa had been showing signs of insecurity. Pedri walked over to her, holding her by the waist and pulling her into the house. Isa looked at him coyly. "There is nothing I want more than this, Isa. A house with you and Axel." Isa smiled at him, and God, how Pedri loved the woman's smile and the way her eyes sparkled for him.

"Pedriiii," Axel ran into the house.

"See, Axel. I told you they would be stalling while we do the heavy work," Fer said, dropping a box in the middle of the room.

"That's the first box you've picked up," Pedri said, looking at his brother while picking Axel up in his arms.

"Can we swim?" Axel asked excitedly. Ever since they had visited the house for the first time, the little boy had been excited about the pool in the backyard.

"Later, when everyone is here," Pedri replied. Axel nodded in understanding and got down from the player's arms, going to sit next to Fer on the couch.

Pedri saw Isa go upstairs and decided to follow her. In the past few days, the woman had been a bundle of nerves and anxiety, and he, more than anyone, understood all her fears, honestly, the idea that she might change her mind disturbed him to his core. He found her standing at the door of Axel's room. Pedri approached her, hugging her from behind. He kissed the back of her neck, making her giggle as she turned to face him.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked once more. "I'm a mother, and we have an age difference. I don't want you to take on such a big responsibility unless you're sure."

"You know we only have a four-year and a few months' difference, right?" Pedri said with humor. "And I am sure. I've been sure since the first time I saw you." Isa frowned.

"At the nightclub?" she asked, confused, and Pedri laughed, kissing her face.

"Yes, at the nightclub..." Isabella looked at him skeptically. "I am sure about this, baby. I've always been sure I wanted this, given the upbringing and family I had. But it was something distant until I met you and Axel. The moment you two came into my life, I knew I didn't want it with anyone else but you two." Pedri kissed Isa's forehead and wiped away the tears that streamed down her face. She kissed him so intensely that Pedri was sure he fell in love with her all over again.

********************************************

One Year Later

Isa could feel her heart in her throat, she could feel how fast it was beating, her hands were shaking uncontrollably, and tears were streaming down her face. Barcelona had won the Champions League, in an El Clásico, with an incredible comeback, and with the essential participation of Gavi and Pedri. The latter played an extraordinary game, the quality of his passes, his assists, and his leadership on the field. Isa felt her chest tighten with pride, or maybe she was having a heart attack. After all, no one expected or imagined that Barcelona would have such strength this season. As soon as the referee blew the final whistle, the stadium roared with a roar, a roar that had been stuck in their throats for years. An official came to the box to call the players' families to enter the field. Axel was ecstatic, his face red and swollen from crying. Isa wasn't sure if he understood the enormity of everything that was happening or if he was just carried away by his grandfather's emotions and Pedri's family. The player's mother was trembling so much, with a proud look on her face, and in the last minutes of extra time, the elderly woman had squeezed Isa's hand so tightly that it left marks. Pedri's father had picked Axel up, explaining that this way he wouldn't feel unwell. The player's brother had knelt to cry, and Isa hugged him, his tears soaking the woman's shirt. She admired the relationship they had so much. Even Isa's father had cried, and the man was usually tough, but he had cried, and Isa couldn't take him seriously because he was wearing a shirt he had received from Pedri's fans, a shirt with a picture of Gavi and Axel with the words "proud grandfather," and of course, the number 8 on the back, which he wore proudly.

"Pedriiii" Axel jumped down from Pedri's father's arms and ran across the field towards the player, who knelt to pick up the little boy. Isa felt her eyes welling up with tears again, and she tried to control herself for the photos. Isa stood back, wanting to let the boy's parents enjoy the moment. After all, they had worked so hard to get to that day.

"Isaaa," Gavi approached, hugging her.

"Gavira, congratulations, you deserve it so much. I'm so happy, I feel like a proud mother," Isa hugged him tightly. Isa looked behind the boy, and as if reading her mind, Gavi hurried to speak.

"She went to calm the things first" Gavi rolled his eyes, making Isa laugh.

Before they could continue the conversation, Isa's father approached, pulling Gavi towards him. The man gave Gavi a tight hug and gave him a speech about how proud he was of the boy. Gavi was almost crying, and the two were in an honest conversation, Isa could only think about how she had lost her father and son to Barcelona players.

"Hi, Ms. Gonzalez. You look beautiful" Ferran approached, greeting her with a hug.

"Thank you, Ferran, you too. Congratulations, you were amazing."

"Thank you, Isa. It's beautiful to see a father and his favorite kid," the player joked, looking at Gavi and Isa's father.

"Can you believe that?" Isa said indignantly. "He doesn't even hide that he has a favorite." Ferran laughed.

"Look at the size of your darling's pout. If there weren't cameras all around, he would have thrown me away by now," Ferran joked, pointing to Pedri on the other side of the field, who was looking their way but quickly looked away when he realized they were watching him. "Wow, I just had a major déjà vu," Ferran said, and Isa looked confused. "From when he saw you for the first time," he concluded.

"At the club?" Isa asked curiously, and Ferran chuckled.

"That wasn't the first time Pedri saw you." Isa looked at Pedri and then back at Ferran, who laughed at her reaction. "We were in the media room recording for the club, you walked in, and he was mesmerized. You didn't even notice him, but the boy was taken," Isa's mouth dropped open in shock.

"My God, I thought he saw me at the club."

"No, that was his stalker phase. He overheard you talking with the social media girls about going to that club and forced us to go with him," Ferran said, laughing. "He risked his 'I'd rather stay home, I don't like parties' reputation for you." Isa laughed out loud at the newly acquired information and looked at her boyfriend, who was frowning.

"Let me go over there or he'll get rid of you..." Isa said, laughing and hugging Ferran goodbye.

Isa walked slowly towards her boyfriend, who was watching his brother run after Axel, but his face was serious. He saw Isa approaching but paid no attention. She rolled her eyes and put her arms around the player's waist, who didn't reciprocate the gesture.

"Congratulations, mi amor," Isa said, leaning in to kiss the player, but he turned his face. "PEDRI," she said indignantly and pinched his arm, making him laugh and finally look at her and wrap his arms around her. Isa observed the player's face and never got tired of doing so. She loved looking at every little detail of his face.

"I can only accept sharing your attention with Gavi, and just because you and your father force me," he said, looking into Isa's eyes. The sparkle in them made the butterflies in her stomach take flight. "You congratulated them first," he said, feeling hurt.

"Love, it was your parents' moment," Isa explained, holding Pedri's face. "I am so proud, you were incredible throughout the championship, but today you were a level above everyone," Isa said proudly and saw Pedri's cheeks, already flushed from the game, turn even rosier, and his eyes filled with tears. He lowered his head, resting on her shoulder, the intimacy of the embrace putting them in their world as if it were just the two of them, nothing else around. But they were soon brought back to reality when they heard Fer shouting.

"Axel, no, your mother is going to kill me." Isa turned so quickly to see what her son was doing, and when she saw, she felt like strangling her boyfriend's brother. Axel was holding a bottle of champagne, shaking it, and trying to open it.

"My God..." Pedri muttered behind her amused by the scene, laughing at his brother running after the boy to try to get the bottle. Before Isa could go after the boy, Pedri pulled her back to him. "Let it be... Fer is watching, I want you here with me," Pedri said in her ear.

"Gross, what you two want to do can't be done here on the field, for God's sake," Gavi suddenly appeared next to them, startling them. Gavi laughed and tried to pull Isa into a hug, but Pedri prevented him.

"What's with you all competing for my girlfriend's attention?" Pedri said indignantly.

"It's not my fault she prefers me," Gavi winked at Isa, "and besides, sons have priority," Gavi teased, and Pedri rolled his eyes.

"Your brother is trying to get drunk, so why don't you go bother him before my brother has a heart attack from stress," Pedri pointed to Fer, who was still chasing Axel, who was laughing as he ran away.

"My God, I leave you for a minute..." Gavi said, moving away and running after Axel.

It was past three in the morning, the music was already playing at a lower volume, and there were remnants of burst balloons around the yard. Isa’s father had prepared a party for when the team returned to Barcelona after the final, as he was certain that victory and the title would come. And since it was more intimate than a nightclub, most of the players, staff, and families had attended; it had been completely lively, yet cozy. Several players had gotten drunk, even the club president had enjoyed everything, all of them forgetting that they would walk through the city the next morning to celebrate with the fans. At least their hungover faces would make for great photos and memes on social media. Isa had just finished helping her step mother put her father to bed; the man had finally rested. He was so proud that he even made a big speech about how proud he was of his kids Pedri, and Gavi, which drew a lot of laughter from those present.

Isa thought about tidying up a bit to have less mess the next day but quickly gave up as she was too tired, so she headed to the yard in search of her son. Axel had also enjoyed the celebration, and Isa was impressed by how his energy never seemed to run out. The woman’s eyes scanned the yard, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw Pedri sitting on the outdoor sofa, with Axel sleeping in his lap. He was accompanied by a few teammates in a quieter conversation. Pedri was visibly tired but held Axel with great care. Isa would never get tired of the bond between them and would be eternally grateful to Pedri for the affection he had for her son. Isa approached slowly, and as soon as Pedri noticed her, he gave a very genuine smile.

"Let's take Axel to bed," Isa said, and Pedri simply nodded. They said goodbye to the group; those who were there were regulars and knew how to manage themselves.

"He needs a bath," Pedri commented as he followed Isa to the bedroom.

"If we wake him up for that, we won’t sleep anymore," Isa said, laughing, and Pedri concluded that it wouldn’t be a good idea. He placed Axel in bed, left a kiss on the boy's forehead, and left the room. Isa repeated the gesture, and just as she was about to leave, Axel’s sleepy little voice called her back.

"Mommy, I’m so happy..." he mumbled.

"I know, baby, I am too," Isa said, running her hand through his hair.

"I’m so happy that Pedri is ours..." Isa laughed at the comment but felt her heartbreak, and remembered the conversation she had with her father when she felt insecure about her relationship with Pedri, right after Henry’s family threatened to take Axel’s custody if she didn’t return to her marriage with Henry, as he was Axel’s father and should be present in the child's life. Those were turbulent and sad weeks, and Isa almost fell into emotional manipulation, but her father always told her that she had to think about her happiness because it would consequently bring Axel’s happiness since he felt what she did, and he would only be happy if she was. And true, genuine happiness only existed when they were with Pedri.

"Yes, me too," Isa admitted and waited for a response from Axel, but there was none; he had fallen back asleep. Isa closed the door and headed to her and the player's room. The room was dark, but the bathroom light was on. Isa took off her clothes and went to the bathroom, finding Pedri in the bathtub. He smiled at her as she settled into the small space with him. It didn’t take long for him to slide into her, and they celebrated the title in another way that night.

**********************************************

Three Years Later

Isa had many insecurities about having a relationship with Pedri; she had never thought about the consequences or what it might bring to her life. She would have to deal with gratuitous hatred, malicious comments about the age difference, and unfounded rumors. But with Pedri, it was possible to forget these details that could influence her life. It had been this way since the first time she was with him, the first time she saw him at the nightclub. When she saw him, she knew who he was, knew she would be working with him, and that she should not have any relationship with him, but he was extremely inviting, and Isa felt attracted to him from then on. And as she saw how he treated Axel, he increasingly found a place in her heart. Axel was her life, and seeing Pedri’s concern and care for the boy filled her heart. Isa never imposed anything on the player; she always treated their relationship as a friendship from the start.

Isa entered the living room, and Pedri was sitting on the couch with one arm resting behind his head while the other was using his phone. Axel was lying a few meters away from him, sleeping. The two were inseparable, and this filled Isa’s heart.

"Pedriiii," Isa said softly so as not to wake her son. Pedri looked at her, a smile on his lips. He put his phone down on the couch and stretched his arms out to his woman. Isa smiled widely at the player, approaching with animated hops, and then sat on his lap, nestling her face into the crook of his neck. Pedri held her in a tight hug.

"I missed you," he mumbled. Isa pulled back to look at him and left a kiss on his lips, feeling the butterflies in her stomach take flight. Pedri held her face, kissing her forehead and hugging her once more.

"Our boy scored two goals today. He did my celebration for one of them, and for the other, he pointed to your dad, Gavi, and Fer; they almost cried," Pedri said with humor, looking at the little boy. Isa smiled, looking at her son. "Then he spent hours on a video call with my parents, telling them about the game, and when I sent them the video of his celebrations, they almost cried too." Isa pouted as she watched the photos and videos Pedri had taken, since her flight was delayed and she couldn’t see Axel’s game.

"And then he demanded that my mom come here to make his favorite food in celebration, so, well, they’re coming tomorrow." Isa smiled; Axel had his grandparents wrapped around his finger, and Isa felt her heart burst with how much he was loved by Pedri’s parents and brother. There were no fears, no tears—well, except when they had to go back home.

"Today some little girls were cheering for him..." Pedri said hesitantly. Isa looked at him quickly. "Then Fer asked, ‘Hey Axel, which one of these is your girlfriend?’ He got so red," Pedri said, laughing.

"Gavi joined in on the fun, and for the first time, I saw a fan—or rather, a Barcelona fan—give him a deadly look, and Gavi was so scared. I think he never expected to be disliked by a fan. Fer and your dad laughed so much at him, but your dad was ready to fight the little girl to defend his oldest grandson." Isa laughed heartily.

"I can’t leave you guys alone; you attract too much attention," Isa said jealously. She still wasn’t at peace with the attention Axel was getting and would receive. "And when Gavi is with you...I see the comments, your fans go crazy."

"Don’t worry, love. Me, and your two sons, are all yours." Isa grew serious, grateful for the turn the conversation had taken. "Well, Gavi more or less..." Isa rolled her eyes.

"Well, hopefully now at least a little girl will come to keep me company. It won’t even things out, but it’s a start." Pedri laughed and kissed Isa’s forehead, not seeming to catch on to what she had said. Isa remained silent, and so did Pedri, the room filled only with Axel’s sleepy breathing. Pedri pulled back, his eyes wide, finally realizing what she had said.

"Love...are you serious?" he said, emotional. Isa smiled widely at her husband.

"Congratulations, Daddy!" she whispered in Pedri’s ear. The player hugged her so tightly that Isa could feel her shirt getting wet from his tears.

"Thank you, thank you for giving them to me," Pedri said emotionally.

"Thank you, for choosing us, for embracing Axel and being the best dad in the world." Pedri sniffled, hugging her again. "Can you believe we’ll have another little voice calling ‘Pedriiii’ everywhere?" Pedri laughed, wiping his face.

"I’ll need to stock up on more M&Ms," Pedri joked, and Isa made a face.

"Love, can I tell you a secret? But you have to pretend you don’t know," Isa said seriously. Pedri looked at her, confused.

"Axel hates them," Isa said with humor.

"What?" Pedri asked, confused.

"M&Ms."

"What????" Pedri shouted, and Isa quickly covered the player’s mouth.

"Yes!!!" Isa said, laughing at his reaction.

"Isabella Gonzalez, impossible. He was so passionate about them." Pedri was too perplexed by such information.

"Because you liked them!!! And he mistook them for Skittles when he took them from my bag, and since he took them secretly, he couldn’t admit it...I think giving them to you was his way of getting rid of the evidence, but you ruined everything when you started giving them back to him." Pedri’s eyes widened, and Isa couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction.

"Wow, you mean our whole relationship might not exist if Axel had picked the right candy?" Pedri squinted, and Isa shrugged. "Nah, this would have happened anyway," Pedri concluded, pointing to the two of them, and Isa smiled at his admission. "Either way, your son is a great actor," Pedri said, laughing. Isa looked at him, offended.

"Oh, now he’s my son? When you want to impress your female audience, it’s my son here, my kid there," Isa rolled her eyes, making Pedri laugh.

"Baby, you’re the one who’s most impressed when I say those things," Pedri teased, and Isa smiled, embarrassed.

"I can’t believe he kept that secret for three years..." Pedri said, amused but finding the newly received information hilarious. Axel was something. Pedri looked at the boy sleeping peacefully on the couch and placed one of his hands on Isa’s belly, feeling extremely grateful for everything he had gained.

**********************************************

N/A: CRYING, SOBBING AND THROWING UP.

"I want to thank everyone who followed this story, all the likes, comments, and support made my days much better. I bid farewell to this story, but not definitively, because when Pedriiii and Isa speak in my head, I promise to bring it to you. My Gavi's girls, I promise I haven't forgotten about you, and there's a hint about his story in this chapter. My delusional mind took over in this chapter, and it firmly believes that next year the Champions League is ours. lol Visca El Barça!"

#pedri gonzalez #pedri imagine #pedri x reader #pedri #pedri gonzalez x reader #pedriiii #fc barcelona #barca #pablo gavi #gavi imagine

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madomens · 1 day

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Apocalypse mini series- Chapter 3

TW: gore(typical zombie gore), p in v unprotected sex, oral(f receiving), DRUNK SEX(all consensual of course)

side note: this is my first time writing smut so if it isn’t the best, yes it is

“There’s no way you guys thought Noah’s card was funnier than mine!” Folio shouts.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his outburst, especially considering the winning card was “zombie apocalypse” and the question was “what has been making life difficult at the nudist colony?”

Everyone has let loose more now that everyone is at least tipsy. You haven’t been able to feel this way in years.. Including how the alcohol makes you feel. Looking back and forth between the four of them, you stop as your eyes land on Noah, who’s grinning from ear to ear.

Would it be so bad if you jump his bones right here right now?

Noah hasn’t given you the attention you’re craving, but him calling you “princess” has made you feel some type of way. Thinking of him using “princess” in a more intimate manner makes you squeeze your thighs together to get a taste of some kind of friction.

With the tequila flowing through your system, you have more confidence. When Noah has to go to the bathroom, you decide this is your chance.

“Now that you mention it, it is time to break the seal,” you giggle, getting up from your spot to follow Noah into the shared bathroom.

Folio gives a questioning look but you chalk it up to having too much to drink and continue walking slightly behind Noah, both of you stumbling a bit.

When Noah starts to leave the bathroom, you stop him. With the tequila coursing through your veins, you speak up again.

“I know this may sound like a crazy idea but I was having some thoughts,” you begin.

Noah raises an eyebrow at you, not sure where this conversation is going. “Yeah?”

You take a shaky breath and decide to just spit it out already.

“I’m drunk, obviously. I assume you’re about as drunk as me,” you have the hardest time making eye contact right now because not only has it been a while, but you’ve never had to initiate sex with anyone. He nods his head slowly, waiting for you to finish.

“I’m sure it’s been a while for you. It definitely has been for me. You’re very attractive to me.” Why is it so hard to just say it?

Noah knows where you’re going but he wants to hear you say it. Eyebrow cocked and a smirk on his face let’s you know he just wants you to keep going.

“I think we should hook up,” you finally say, biting your bottom lip a little too hard. “I mean, if you’re down.”

The smirk never leaves his face as he walks slowly toward you and leans down so his mouth is dangerously close to yours. You can smell a hint of tequila and the gum he was chewing earlier.

“Was that so hard princess?” is all he whispers as he brings his lips to yours. The kiss starts out slow but it doesn’t take long for it to become heated, lips crashing together with such need that no one could pull you away if they tried.

Without detaching from each other, you both quickly stumble back into one of the showers. Noah pulls your shirt and bra over your head before taking one of your nipples in his mouth. You let out a low moan at the contact and arch your back off of the cold, tiled wall, practically begging for more.

After four years of no intimacy, who wouldn’t beg for more? Leaving your lips, Noah finally decides to give your aching cunt the attention it deserves as he all but rips your shorts and underwear down your legs leaving you completely vulnerable. He sinks to his knees and palms at your exposed breast.

Noah wastes no time wrapping his perfect lips around your clit and sucking harshly, and one of your hands immediately grips his hair as the other holds yourself steady. “You’re so wet for me princess.”

“Fuck, Noah,” you whimper as you rut your hips against his face, legs shaking. His talented tongue draws small circles on your clit and you grip his hair even harder, trying not to cum already. He can sense how close you are so he slips a long, tattooed finger in your pussy and curls just right, sending you over the edge. You moan his name so loudly, you wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of the guys can hear you. He wraps an arm around your thigh so you keep your balance as he continues finger fucking you through your orgasm.

You regain your vision a minute later and Noah is in the process of removing all of his clothing, leaving him only wearing a gold chain around his neck. Your mouth waters looking over all of the ink that almost completely covers his perfect body. He walks back over to you and gently grabs your face, kissing you again. You can taste yourself on his mouth and the coil in your belly tightens again, thinking of what’s to come.

“You ready?” He asks gently, reaching between the two of you to rub your clit. You hum and lean your head against the shower wall again, reveling in the feeling.

“Use your words,” he halts his movements on your clit earning a groan in protest from you.

You choke out a quick “please” and he turns your body so you’re facing the shower wall, ass perked up as much as you can and one hand gripping the rail. He teases your entrance rubbing his cock up and down your folds before slowly easing into you with a groan.

The sounds of moaning and skin slapping together are the only things you can hear, the echoes bouncing off the walls of the open room. His pace quickens and he reaches a hand around your waist to rub your clit again. With one hand on the shower rail, you instinctively put your other hand over Noahs to feel his fingers playing with your clit.

The feeling of his cold chain against the top of your back along with his fingers and his cock, you know you can’t hold out much longer, overstimulation hitting you in the best way.

Suddenly the creak of the bathroom door rings out as Matt steps in, not anticipating what’s going on in the shower of the shared bathroom. “Oh fuck, I’m sorry,” can be heard before the door opens and closes once again. You aren’t sure if it’s because it’s been so long or if you’re both just really in the moment, but neither of you showed any signs of slowing down. Noah lets out a slight chuckle and continues his thrusts. You can feel him getting sloppier and his fingers losing the rhythm they carried and you can tell he’s close.

You push your ass up a little more and it gives his cock perfect access to your sweet spot, causing a second orgasm to rush through you, clouding your vision once again. Your cunt tightens around him and he let’s out a string of curses as he pulls out and cums on your ass just as you start coming down from your high.

“Holy shit,” Noah breathes out, eyes still closed.

When both of you finally catch your breath, you decide it’s probably a good time to shower. Much to your surprise, Noah cleans you up and even washes your hair for you before taking care of himself. Not much is said while you get cleaned up but it’s a comfortable silence so neither of you mind.

“I do have to wonder why you decided to ask me. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad you did, but you haven’t shown any interest in me since we brought you here,” Noah finally breaks the silence as he pulls his plain black t shirt over his head.

You nibble on your lip for a second, not really having an answer. “I don’t actually have a good answer to that. Something in me just told me to go for it. There’s something about you I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.”

He chuckles at your confession, turning to face you again. Instead of giving his own input, he just replies with, “ Well you finally got to meet Matt.”

Your face turns a bright red as he reminds you that you haven’t in fact, been introduced to Matt and his first impression of you is seeing you getting railed in the shower by one of his friends. “Oh fuck me,” is all you can say.

“Again already, princess?” He smiles a genuine smile and you could melt into a puddle right then and there. It’s hard to tell if you would have liked him if it wasn’t for the end of the world. You’ve always been more into guys who dress like they’re about to go to a business meeting, and this is for sure not him. But there’s just something about the way Noah carries himself that you can’t seem to stop thinking about, and the fact that he’s one of the most beautiful people you’ve ever laid eyes on. There’s something about a man who is so unapologetically themselves that’s such a huge turn on.

You choose to ignore his comment and decide now was the best time to introduce yourself to Matt before the liquor starts wearing off more than it already has. Maybe one more shot first?

Walking back up to the guys, all of their eyes land on you and Noah, each with a hidden smile on their faces, apart from Folio. You finally see Matt, who looks nearly the same as the rest of the guys; straight out of Hot Topic.

A blush returns to your cheeks as you try to hide your face with your long, wet hair.

“Don’t be shy now. I’ve already seen everything you have to offer,” a new voice sounds. You start to think maybe going outside in the middle of a zombie apocalypse would be better than this conversation. You look up, slightly moving your hair out of your face to see Matt with a huge smile on his face. “I’m Matt. You must be y/n I’m guessing.” You give a tight lipped smile in response.

Folio doesn’t look up from his drink during the entirety of the conversation, you notice. Jolly and Nicholas don’t say anything, but the looks on their faces tell you everything you need to know.

Noah walks to Matt and gives him a hug, asking him where he’s been, as if he didn’t just see him pounding into you relentlessly.

“Just needed to chill out for a few hours.I Thought I would come back and get a shower but it was occupied,” he lets out a laugh. At least he isn’t mad about it like you assumed he would be. You take your spot back at the long plastic table and chug the rest of your drink, trying to forget this ever happened. You pick up your cards and pretend to read them over while Noah and Matt converse about the days happenings.

“So,” Jolly starts. “You’ve met Matt now.” You look up from your cards to give Jolly a quick smile and hum lowly.

Folio clears his throat and stands up from the table, stumbling a little as he starts walking toward the furniture store. “I don’t think I can hang anymore, guys. I think I’ll just call it a night.”

Everyone says their goodnights to Folio before he retreats to his own bed.

“Is he okay?” You nudge Nicholas with your elbow to get his attention.

He looks at you in the middle of stacking the black cards together to put the game away. “Oh yeah he’s fine. He’s an early bird most of the time,” he shrugs it off.

You start helping Nick by grabbing all of the white cards you can see and stacking them together.

After everything is back in the box, everyone hangs out for another 30 minutes or so before it’s time for everyone to go to bed. You and Noah hang back for a minute at his request and your first thought is he’s about to tell you that should have never happened and he regrets it.

Instead, he pulls you in for a quick peck on the lips. “I think we should make this a thing,” he smiles slyly. You furrow your eyebrows and nod your head slowly. How could you possibly say no to the best sex you’ve ever had?

“I think we should. But I also think we shouldn’t continue if either of us starts catching feelings. This is the end of the world; I couldn’t let feelings get in the way of my safety and neither should you,” you point out.

He agrees wholeheartedly and both of you return to the bedroom for much needed rest, in your own separate beds of course.

Waking up before the other guys, you decide this is the best time to get a quick shower. You grab your clothes and a new towel and hit the shower, letting the hot water relax your tired muscles. You, Noah, Nicholas, and Matt are going by the cabin you were staying in to get the rest of your supplies today so you’re probably getting two showers today. You aren’t complaining, because GOD have you missed showers.

“There you are,” Noah smiles as you walk back into the bedroom. You give him a small smile in return and throw your hair up in a bun since you’ll be going out today.

“Do you know when we’re heading to the cabin?” You question right as Folio walks into the room.

He strides across the room to grab his fishing gear and mutters a quick “hey” before walking out.

“Uh it shouldn’t be too long. Matt and Nicholas are getting a few things ready for the road. I’ll go check in a second,” he walks closer to you and you freeze for a minute. He grabs a piece of hair you missed and wraps it around your bun, letting his hand linger on your cheek for a few seconds. Even the smallest touch was enough to make you shiver.

“Thanks,” you respond, blushing again. He walks away to see how Matt and Nicholas are doing, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

It’s about an hour walk to the cabin you were staying in so you all packed plenty of supplies for the walk. Halfway there, you stumble onto a small horde, around thirty zombies. Thankfully, there are four of you so taking out thirty dead ones wouldn’t be too difficult. You notice one of them sneaking up behind Nicholas as he’s busy killing the ones in front of him, so you act quickly. Right before it’s about to bite him, you quickly finish off the one you were working on and rush to stab the monster in the head.

Nicholas turns swiftly, nodding a thank you for saving his life before getting back to finishing off the few in front of him. After killing all of the zombies and making sure there aren’t any strays, Nicholas pulls you in for a hug.

“Thank you for saving my ass back there. I owe you one,” he gushes.

You pull away and wipe your knife on the leg of your pants. “Don’t mention it. We really should start looking for a vehicle so we can worry less about this kind of thing.”

“Everyone okay?” Matt asks, checking for bites and scratches on his arms. Everyone checks themselves and after seeing that no one was hurt, continues on to the cabin.

You finally make it there after what feels like a year later. In a weird way, you kind of missed being there. Being alone wasn’t always the best but you didn’t have to worry about other living people and their feelings as well as your own. The makeshift bed you made is untouched and everything looks exactly the way you left it. Nicholas and Matt get to work gathering the remaining food, water, and medicine while you have your own mission.

You grab the baby blue blanket off of the bed admiring it for a minute. The once soft material has turned into a scratchy, coarse piece of fabric. It belonged to your dog, Taz, who you lost at the beginning of the apocalypse and it’s all you have left of him. Most people would probably not bother coming back for a silly little blanket but Taz was everything to you. He was all you really had for years so when you lost him, it turned your world upside down all over again.

Noah notices your red, watery eyes and walks up beside you putting his long arm around your shoulder. “You okay princess?”

You snap out of your thoughts and wipe your eyes quickly responding with “yeah, sorry.” He gets a feeling that you don’t really want to talk about it so he doesn’t push you any farther, just rubbing your shoulder with his tattooed hands.

Nicholas and Matt basically did all the work themselves while Noah was busy looking through the books on the old bookcase in case he found one he hasn’t read yet. They don’t really mind, afterall, free food and water so who can complain?

The walk back to the mall isn’t nearly as bad as before and for that, all four of you are grateful. Being covered in blood and guts isn’t exactly the way you like to spend your time but this is the world now. It’s better than being one of those things chewing on people like they’re nothing.

Back at the mall, Folio and Jolly have their catches of the day laid out on the ‘Chik-fil-a’ counter in the food court. They definitely had some luck out there because not only are there around 15 decently sized fish, there is also a deer they must have gotten to before the zombies did. Do any of these guys even know how to skin a deer? If anyone, you’d think it would be Folio since he seems to have the most knowledge in these types of things.

Staying at the cabin on your own for so long, you taught yourself how to skin smaller animals like rabbits and squirrels, but never game as big as deer.

Matt and Nicholas take turns high fiving Folio and Jolly, who look very pleased with themselves. You decide to take your second shower of the day to get the blood and dirt off of you, but not before Noah invites himself to shower with you.

“Room for one more?” He asks slyly with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. Even covered head to toe in blood that isn’t his, he’s still so beautiful.

You nod and move over slightly so he can get into the shower with you and he immediately starts washing your back. You can’t help but wonder who will be the first to catch feelings with him doing sweet things for you mindlessly. Probably you.

After both of you are clear of any more blood on your bodies, you turn to face him to see him already looking at you with those gorgeous brown eyes. His smile is intoxicating and as much as you hate to admit it, you may have already started catching feelings in the short amount of time you’ve been around him. He leans down to kiss you in the gentlest way possible, making you weak in the knees. There isn’t any rush to this kiss unlike the one you shared the last time you were in this position. This one was slow and sweet. You could taste the faint mint from his toothpaste as he slipped his tongue into your mouth causing you to let out a low moan.

“We should probably let everyone else shower,” you state as soon as you pull away from his kiss. As much as you want him to throw you against the wall, you’re sure Nicholas and Matt are uncomfortable sitting around smelling like yesterday's ass.

“Jeez took you long enough,” Nicholas teases as you and Noah finally walk back out to the hangout area. “Matt was scared to go in there again.”

Noah laughs and playfully shoves Nicholas. “Don’t worry, it was just a shower. Conserving water,” he winks and turns to smile at you.

You walk over to where Folio is preparing the fish him and Jolly caught earlier. “Need some help?” You ask, startling him. “I’ve gotten pretty good at skinning smaller animals but it can’t be too different from a deer, right?”

“Sure,” he replies after a few seconds and smiles one of his toothy smiles you haven’t seen in a few days. “I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you.”

anywayyy lmk what you think

love u❤️❤️

#bad omens #bad omens cult #noah sebastian #nick folio #nicholas ruffilo #joakim jolly karlsson #jolly karlsson #matt dierkes #noah sebastian smut

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roomsofangel · 2 days

Text

CHAPTER ONE

synopsis you spent your entire childhood and teenage years being what your mother wanted you to be — and so when you finally strike a deal and made a bet with the woman, you are determined to prove her wrong and that your passion for art could be turned into a living if you just tried hard enough.

however, things might have just gotten harder when you cross paths with the lead vocalist of an uprising rock band who seems to be nothing but a charming thorn in your side

wc 2.0k

warnings not really any!

reblogs & comments are very appreciated and also help out a lot! thank you for reading and giving my work a chance ♥️

a gentle sense of dread filled your chest as you hastily packed up your paint-smudged supplies after the art class you insisted on taking to hopefully better your skills for your overflowing passion. your mother always claimed it was a waste of time, trying to get you to venture off into the field of medicine but you always told her to let you at least try.

so, while you carefully wrapped your brushes in their familiar protective cloth and shoved them into the depths of your bag, you tried to keep your unease at bay. you had a few months until you and your mother decided which route your life will take — whether painting and music would be the way your heart will go to make a living or if you had to snuff out your spark and do what she wanted. a deal just to get where you are now and an attempt to prove her wrong.

the smell of oil paint clung to your fingers despite several washes in the sink, and you made a mental note to bring some hand sanitizer next time. you glanced back at the canvas, half-finished but bursting with color. maybe you could add just a tiny bit more to the whites and the sides, the corners looked as if it needed more of a pop. you sighed, running your fingers through your hair, your muse was running thin and you didn’t have time to recharge it when you had plans with yeosang tonight.

and speak of him, he shall make himself known. without missing a beat, your phone buzzed in your pocket and you took it out to read the text he had sent

yeosangie: still coming tn? gonna be short staffed and i’d die without you!

you pressed your lips together, laughing lightly to yourself as you read his dramatic text. the plans in question were you helping him bartend an event the pub he worked at was having, a new rising rock band would be playing there tonight which meant more business. in a way, in hindsight, meant a good deal but being understaffed out of all days made you watch your best friend lose his mind even before getting there.

you didn’t have any mixology skills, hell, even making hot chocolate at times came out different and at times.. watery, you surely did not have any sort of touch that could make any pleasing but yeosang insisted and you’d be just taking down anything being asked for and serving while he did the mixing and preparing.

you: yes sangie, i’m still coming lmao don’t be so dramatic!

yeosangie: ugh i’m being realistic!

with another light laugh, you shoved your phone back into your pocket and got up, making sure you had all of your things before heading out of the building. it was sunny, having to use your hand to shield your eyes while you made your way to the parking lot. you could feel your phone buzz again, assuming it was yeosang again but you weren’t able to think twice of it when your arm bumped into another

“watch where you’re going,” the voice was a bit harsh, not glancing back to where you were. you turned to their direction, he seemed in a rush to get inside which made you scowl. of course you all had places to be, but why did he get a pass to be rude?

“asshole,” you muttered under your breath, not wanting to let the blonde stranger dampen your mood and continued the route to your car

“he could have been having a bad day.” yeosang suggested while leaned back against the glass door, watching how you paced back and forth. you paused your movements to point over at him, “i was too but you don’t see me going all,” you cleared your throat and shifted your body to mimick how the stranger was, “watch it,” letting your voice drop a few octaves

yeosang pressed his lips together, as if trying to stifle his laugh, “is that how it went?”

you deadpanned, looking at him, “thats beyond the point!” you then groaned

sure, you weren’t entirely an asshole, you would have understood if the stranger had a bad day. but dear lord, all of your understanding went out the window the second he opened his mouth and you were glad you’d never see him again. “what do i gotta help with tonight?” you decided to steer the conversation before you got yourself too fired up again

yeosang clicked his tongue, lifting himself off the door so he could get behind the bar, “help me serve them, simple.” he shrugged, “i underestimated because this place is gonna be packed.” he cringed

“who even is the band anyways?” you asked while bringing in a box of different liquors, huffing as soon as you set it down onto the countertop, dusting your hands off on your worn-out jeans

“halazia,” he replied with a shrug, “wooyoung’s new project,” he added in and you laughed a little

“another one?” you tilted your head

yeosang nods, “but this one actually pulled through.”

and you nodded back as a response. you knew wooyoung the same amount as you knew yeosang, the two were practically a two for one deal and wherever yeosang went, wooyoung followed. it wasn’t a surprise that yeosang found a way to have wooyoung’s new band to play here, part of you also felt proud of the fact after the many attempts, wooyoung finally achieved what he strived for.

yet, another part of you hated how jealously bubbled in your core. when was it your turn?

the club was alive with the sound of loud rock music that played, the walls were practically shaking with each booming note. you could feel the bass in your chest from where you were behind the bar, hurriedly serving drinks to customers that were definitely not making it easier. shit, you swore you had a few spilled on you and felt sticky.

yeosang helped pour shots and took majority of the drinks to make while the crowd was wild, jumping and moshing to the music, you could have sworn you saw a few stage divers and crowd surfers. the smell of sweat and alcohol was thick in the air, yeosang glanced over at you as he handed over a tray of shots. "you holding up okay?" he yelled over the music.

you nodded, a bead of sweat dripping down your forehead. "i’m managing!”

you didn’t get to see the band or say hello to wooyoung as you maybe hoped, and you doubted you’d be able to enjoy the music with how business was being. “i’m glad you’re here! i would have definitely died,” yeosang said as he let out a breath, moving past you with a tray of filled to the top shots to a group

“oh yeah, i guess you were being realistic after all,” you poked fun as you ran your hands through your hair, ruffling it a bit and wiping the sweat with the back of your hand after while you heard him give an ‘i told you so!’

as you continued on, you could hear the loud vocals that were hitting you in the chest — you managed to steal a few glances to the stage where you noticed the band certainly deserved the hype, wooyoung knew what he was doing this time, you assumed he learned from past mistakes. speaking of, there he was in all his glory playing the bass with his signature charming smile as he mouthed the lyrics and interacted with the crowd, drenched in sweat and water he poured on himself during the last song

but your eyes couldn’t stay on him, oh no, your sight kept falling onto the lead vocalist who played the bass and belted the lyrics, the vein in his neck showing just how much power he was pouring to the crowd. “who is that?” you voiced over the music, leaning towards yeosang who followed your gaze

“kim hongjoong,“ yeosang answered as he let out a breath, relieved to be able to rest for a moment. “only spoke with him a few times, closed off guy but powerful as fuck on stage.”

you nodded as you let your gaze linger back to him, how free and at home he looked as he sang, “this is a wasteland, my only retreat.. with heaven above you, there’s hell over me.”

you couldn’t remember how the rest of the night went, most of it was a blur when you began helping yeosang pack up, “so how was that?” he amused, zipping up his bag as he glanced up at you

humming, you let out a breathy laugh, leaning back against the wall, “it was.. something.” you folded your arms over your chest, “we’re just waiting for wooyoung now, huh?”

and yeosang replies in a nod, “as usual.”

as if his name was a summoning ritual, wooyoung’s loud laugh became more prominent from the back, and there he was walking in with three others — one being the blonde you found yourself drawn to more than you’d want to admit

“ah, there’s my favorite artist!” wooyoung beamed as he ran over, leaving the three behind to rush over to you with his arms out

“hey woo,” you greeted with a smile as you let him engulf you in the tightest hug, the smell of his cologne suffocating your nose, it was safe to say he drenched himself after the show and you could see he was still lightly glazed with sweat. “alright! off! you’re still sweaty,” you exaggerated while giving him a tiny shove

wooyoung replied with a laugh and dragged out whine, “a little sweat never hurt anyone,” he huffed before ruffling your hair

“oh, yeah guys this is seonghwa and mingi,” wooyoung first introduced the two that caught up, seonghwa having some of his hair up and the rest down, his hair strands more pulled out at the front to frame his face, he certainly rocked that choker better than anyone you knew while mingi looked as if he was made for this genre

“nice to meet you,” seonghwa greeted with a polite grin, bowing as you smiled in response

“yeah, thanks for coming too,” mingi smiled

while you listened to them all talk, wooyoung being the one you heard the most, your eyes wandered to the back where you saw hongjoong on his phone, cigarette between his lips as he stayed apart from the rest. you weren’t sure why he was alone, eyebrow raised.

but your chest felt a bit heavier and breath hitched when he tilted his head and shifted to meet your gaze, blowing the smoke in the air. how could he make death look so marvelous?

“yah! joong, you can’t smoke in here, i’m not getting in trouble because of you,” yeosang broke the trance you were in as he scolded the blonde who rolled his eyes and took another long drag

“fine,” he exhaled, glancing at you before making his way out, blowing out the smoke as he pushed open the door and walked out

turning your attention back to the group, your brows furrowed together, “is he always like that?” and you wanted to simply ask if he was always an asshole but for the sake of being civil…

seonghwa sighed, “he’s not so bad, he just had a tough morning.”

mingi snickered, nodding while wooyoung groaned, “yeah but he made practice ten times more hard! all because of that girl he bumped into,”

“ah, sounds like your morning, y/n” yeosang humored as he grabbed his jacket

and you wanted to scowl, eyes glancing back to the window where you saw him focused on the nightsky, exhaling the smoke that he inhaled. “so he’s the asshole stranger.”

of course, makes sense.

“he’s not so bad once you get to know him,” seonghwa repeated with a reassuring smile

you shrugged, “and pigs can fly.” you muttered because certainly first impressions matter to you and with the pretty rockstar, he managed to have two and failed them both miserably

you just hoped you’d never have to see his stupid pretty face again.

masterlist . . next

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jqmalikhsgib · 3 days

Text

too sweet

one

eddie covers his eyes as he walks out of his apartment complex in new york. the paparazzi blinds him with the flashes of their cameras as they ask him a bunch of questions. Eddie’s simply ignores them before getting into the back seat of his car as his driver takes off.

he pulls out his cell phone to call his manager. they were on their way to pick up the younger, curly haired boy.

“henderson, be outside when we pull up! i don’t want to be late. i got shit to do man.”

“yeah, what’s that? hang out with yn all day?”

he could almost hear the boy smirking. “none of your business. just be outside.” eddie ends the call before sighing.

he opens up his messages before smiling. yn had texted him a cute little photo of her holding the plush pillow he’d bought her last week. she looked adorable as always.

it’s been six amazing months with her. he fell for her so hard and fast, like no other. before dating yn, eddie had been sleeping with whoever wanted to get into the rockstars pants. he lived the rockstar dream forreal. sex, drugs, and rock and roll. his friends were either dating or married by now. eddie thought he was still to young to settle down. he’s had only been twenty-nine after all. but on his thirtieth birthday, when most of his friends from high school had canceled coming to his party, he’d been alone with strangers or some celebrities he barely even knew.

he looked around and felt alone. when he saw yn his heart skipped a beat—or maybe it was the cocaine he’d consumed just ten minutes before—and he felt alive again. at first he ignored his heart beating out of his chest and the butterflies in in stomach. he’d thought he’d just fuck her, tell her to leave his apartment the next morning, and be labeled as an asshole once more by another artist who assumed they’d start dating soon after.

yn was completely different. as soon as he approached her, she’d roll her eyes at him, call him a junkie loser, and went off to find her best friend who forced her into coming here. that made the metal head open his eyes. no woman has ever turned him down—at least not since high school—but here he was, being called out by the most beautiful woman he’d seen.

eddie had to know who was. finding out she’d been a famous rapper, he contacted her agent, got her information, and met her at an award show. when he saw her again she’d look amazing. during the after party, he walked over to her again and had to know what turned her off.

yn shrugs her shoulders and let him know she’s dated nothing but drunken, drug addicted, losers in her life and was done picking up the pieces for them. she wanted someone stable who could take care of her and visa versa. a healthier relationship where she didn’t have to babysit a man. eddie understood that. it wasn’t like he was addicted to drugs, he was addicted to partying, but he knew if he wanted a chance with yn he’d have to change.

so, he asked for a chance. she was very hesitant until she agreed three weeks later. since eddie has cleaned up his act. he stopped partying so much and started taking yn out instead. he’d take her to the fanciest restaurants, closing it down for the evening. but she wasn’t into that.

yn told him she’d be fine, perfect even, if someone would simply take her to any fast food restaurant and get the most fatty foods their were and cuddle on the couch while watching some sitcom. eddie provided her with just that. from that moment he fell for her. she wasn’t like these other hollywood superficial stuck up brats like he’d seen over the last eight years of being in the spotlight, no! she was just like him.

she grew up in texas. the neighborhood she was raised wasn’t exactly the greatest. she learned a lot from her mother but her father hadn’t been a good man and was arrested when she was just six years old. her mother died two years later in a car accident. she’d been raised by her grandmother from that moment on. eddie started to love her more and more as the time went by.

eddie had thought long and hard about asking her to move in with him. he knew they’d only been together for six months but he knows she’s it for him. all his life all he’s ever wanted love and support. he’d have it in his uncle for years, his friends, and even bought love once he became successful. but he’s never had something like this before. he wants to wake up next to her and go right back to bed the next night. eddie thought about the life they’d have together. one day he will marry her and maybe have a couple of babies running around. he knew it may seemed fast, but yn was the one. he made up his mind last night. he’s gonna ask her tonight after dinner and hope to god she says yes.

when eddie arrives to dustin’s penthouse he sees the younger boy kiss suzie before hopping in the backseat of the car next to eddie.

“hey dude!”

eddie had hired dustin to be his manager once the boy graduated high school in hawkins. dustin was someone who had amazing planning set skills, he’s organized, and unfortunately the kid was right—and very condescending about it—all the time! dustin was the perfect person to manage his schedule. on top of that he knew dustin. he would wasn’t like these hollywood elites who wanted nothing but half of your earnings for doing the bare minimum. he knew dustin wouldn’t screw him over.

“what’s on the agenda today, henderson?”

dustin grabs his folder and reads over eddie’s schedule. eddie didn’t have much planned today. he’d mostly just be doing a few meet and greets with fans, promoting corroded coffins third studio album coming out in june.

“after you’ll have the next two days to just relax. i was thinking maybe we could call up el to hang out. she’d been a little down since the break up.” dustin states.

eddie sighs.

he hated that eleven was going through this break up with mike. all those little rascals were like little siblings to him. though it felt like him and steve were more like co parents to them than anything, he loved them all unconditionally. still, he knew mike had been fighting his feelings for will for so long. it was only a matter of time before mike finally confessed to will how much he loved him. it couldn’t be easy though. with will being her step brother and both him and el still living with their parents, he knew mike would still be coming over. it sucked seeing them together, he’s certain. he remembers the same thing happening when nancy broke things off with jonathan to be with steve again.

he knew just like jonathan, el would move on and find someone for her.

“it depends how tonight goes for me.”

dustin frowns. “what’s happened tonight?”

“im gonna ask yn to move in with me.” eddie smiles hugely. dustin stares at him long and hard. he bites his bottom lip trying to keep whatever he thought to himself. eddie noticed and nudged him.

“what’s with this look, henderson?”

“it’s just—don’t you think you’re moving a little too fast? i mean you just barely said ‘i love you’ to this girl. are you sure you’re ready for this big of commitment? she hasn’t even met any of us yet.”

“yeah, so?”

“eddie, she hasn’t met wayne yet! that’s the most important person in your life. how could you be ready to move this girl in when you barely know her? im just saying, have you thought all this through?”

“dustin, you don’t get it man. ive never felt this way about anyone before. i love her and im ready to take this step. i thought it all through. every last bit of information, every pro, every con, everything man! if i wasn’t sure, one hundred percent, i wouldn’t be asking.”

dustin hums. “i just think she should meet your family first. in fact you should probably meet hers if it’s that serious.”

eddie thought about it before they pulled up to the center eddie was meeting with fans.

when eddie got home he sighs as he takes off his dirty clothes before hopping in the shower. he thought about what dustin said once more before getting out and ready for his date.

he knew how he felt for yn. he knew she was the one for him. he knew he wanted her here everyday, but dustin had a point.

wayne wasn’t just his uncle. he’d been the man that raised him when his mom ran off with some rich asshole and his dad got arrested for nearly killing someone. wayne was more of a father than his real dad. he was the most important person in his life along with the rest of the people from hawkins. they were his family. if he wanted yn to be apart of his life he’d have to introduce them at some point. eddie smiles as he texted everyone, letting them know he’s having a get together im hawkins soon and everyone better show up or he’d knock on their doors and force them onto the plane himself.

when he heard his door bell ring he got up and opened the door. there stood his beautiful girlfriend. yn smiles shyly as always before eddie kisses her cheek and allows her in.

“you look amazing, sweetheart. absolutely gorgeous as always.” eddie states.

“thanks, eds. you look handsome as always.”

“sorry im running a little late, babe. i had to sign a few autographs and take some photos.”

“yeah? how were the fans?”

“amazing as always! they’re all excited about the album coming. one of them asked about you.”

yn blush. they’d been keeping their relationship a secret for awhile now. it wasn’t too much of a secret, really. they’d been seen going out to dinner, having lunch, walking hand and hand occasionally. it was out there, but neither of them confirmed nor denied the rumors. though they did recently had their fans go crazy. eddie had only been following corroded coffins official page for years. recently he followed yn. yn on the other hand hadn’t followed anyone until she followed eddie back. the internet is losing their shit over eddie and yn new found relationship. the two didn’t mind though. they loved their fans but they also loved a little chaos and drama more.

“yeah? what’d they say?”

“they said my girlfriend is the prettiest woman out there and asked if we’re ever gonna confirm we’re dating.” eddie wraps his arms around her waist.

“hmm, what did you say in response?”

“i just said thank you and took the photo.”

“not suspicious at all.”

“i don’t think so.” eddie said smugly.

yn kisses him passionately. eddie hums before pulling away while yn groans. “later. i wanna take my beautiful girl out, show the world she’s mine, then bring her back home and maybe dance to some cheesy ass song, yeah?”

“that sounds great, eds. come on! im starved.”

eddie chuckles before grabbing his keys as the couple leave his penthouse and head out to dinner.

um—do you guys like this? is it worth asking if you want to be on the taglist? i kind a just stopped asking and stopped adding people to any taglist because i thought maybe my stories weren’t that good.

im self doubting honestly. i even thought about quitting and deleting everything i wrote. idk anymore.

anyway, tell me how you feel. hope you like it, really.

#jqhotchner #jqhotchner masterlist #eddie munson #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x fem reader #eddie munson x reader fluff #eddie munson series #eddie munson x yn #eddie munson x fem!reader #rockstar eddie munson

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eddiemunsons80sbaby · 3 days

Text

Hard Habit to Break

Chapter 3

Pairing: EddieMunsonxOriginalCharacter

Summary: When a chance at the career he always wanted came knocking at the same time that she received the worst news of her life, they were forced apart. Long distance, time on the road, and stories in the tabloids destroyed anything they had left, leading him down a dark road, playing the role of the bad boy rockstar his manager wanted from him. Now tragedy will bring him back to the town he swore to never step foot in again and face to face with her for the first time in years. Will he be able to stick to the plan or will she be the one habit he can't break?

Word Count: 7K

Trigger Warnings: Cancer battle, death of a parent, grief, addiction

18+ Only

The sound of voices roused Tori from the deepest sleep she’d had in weeks. Her dreams had been vivid but fractured. Sensations and images that were there one moment and gone the next. The feel of soft leather against her cheek, the burnt scent of a just lit Camel invading her nose, cool metal rings pressing into her skin, long hair tickling her cheeks as plush lips moved against her own. Thick fingers strumming a guitar, a smirk as his mouth curved up on one side, displaying that dimple in his cheek. Long, dark eyelashes resting against cheekbones as the music took over his entire body.

Groaning, she rolled to her stomach, shoving her face against her pillow. She battled it down, trying to force the memories back where they belonged, offended that they’d managed to break through her defenses and assault her all over again.

She’d worked so damn hard for so damn long to lock them down, trap them in a box, and bury them deep down into the darkest spaces of her mind. Conceal them where no one, not even herself, could ever find them again. And it worked. Kind of.

Tori hadn’t dreamed about him in months. Why now? Why was he breaking through her defenses now? It didn’t make any sense. She had firm rules to keep this from happening. No music television. No talk shows. Eye averted when she approached the check-out at the store so she couldn’t glimpse the magazines. It wasn’t perfect. It didn’t always work but she tried. Maybe the rules were crazy, insane even, but they worked for her.

She’d thought she’d finally gotten past all of it. No, not past it. She’d never get past it, never get past him, but she’d at least gotten to a place where she could go for longer than a few hours without the very thought of him crippling her.

Blowing out a frustrated stream of air, she threw the blankets off herself forcefully and sat up, sliding her legs around until her feet hit the deep purple carpet she’d insisted on when they redid her room. It had been a garish orange, the walls puke yellow, when they moved in here right before her junior year. Her and her mom had spent hours in this room painting the walls a soft lavender. They’d hit up multiple thrift stores to find a dresser, bed frame, and funky decor for the walls. Over the course of a couple of months they had transformed the space into everything her sixteen year old self had wanted.

Her mom…shit! She needed to get up and make sure her mom got her meds before she tried to get her to eat something. Tori spun her head, glancing over at the clock. It was already ten! How had she slept in so late? Her mom was supposed to have her meds by eight. Tori leapt from the bed and at the same moment as she wondered why she was in her bed instead of on the couch, it hit her. It hit her like a freight train barreling down the tracks, colliding with enough force to obliterate her all over again.

Tori dropped back onto her bed, her head falling into her hands as tears shook her body. She had no reason to jump out of bed. Her mom was gone. Linda with the smile that was bright enough to power the entire world. Tori would never see that smile again. She would never hear that loud, belly laugh that used to embarrass her when she was younger, causing everyone to turn to see who was making that sound. She used to beg her mother to stop but now she’d give anything to hear it once more. She would never come home to loud music playing as her mom danced around the kitchen, baking or preparing dinner. It gutted her, slashed her insides to shreds, as if she’d just watched her take her last rattling breath all over again.

Silent tears cascaded down her cheeks, falling off of her chin. In reality, it had been a long time since she’d experienced any of those things with her mom. All the best parts of her mom had been stolen from her long ago. There hadn’t been any dancing in the kitchen or belly laughing in months. Her battle with breast cancer had gone downhill fast over the past year. Linda had fought so hard. Years of surgeries, chemo, radiation, and sickness that ate away at her mother and their entire family, leaving holes that could never be patched, scars that would never fade no matter how much time had passed. Hope, held out like a teasing promise, to just be snatched away before they could enjoy it, leaving them even more devastated.

Tori had been by her mother’s side every step of the way. Her dad had offered to help but he lived three hours away, in the hometown she’d grown up in before they’d divorced when she was a sophomore. He could only do so much. Her little sister, Lacy, had helped for a while, putting off college, but two years ago Tori had finally insisted that she go. One of them had to have some kind of life that wasn’t treatments and medications and doctor visits, one of them deserved a chance at finding some happiness. She didn’t want her little sister to sacrifice everything the way she had.

She’d had to sacrifice the one thing she couldn’t bear to live without and she thought it would end her. But she’d done it and she wouldn’t change it. If given the opportunity, she would have chosen her mom every single time but it didn’t make it hurt any less and she didn’t ever want her sister to feel that kind of pain. Tori had already lost everything now. She had nothing left to lose anymore while her sister had everything.

Lacy…she vaguely remembered Robin, or was it Nancy, telling her that her little sister was coming home today. Tori knew she had to pull it together. She had to be the adult in this situation. There wasn’t time for tears and grief. Her little sister was sensitive, emotional, fragile like a tiny bird. She was going to need someone to be strong for her. It was usually Linda but that wouldn’t be happening this time. Lacy was going to need someone to lean on. It had to be Tori and she wouldn’t be able to do that if she couldn’t even stand upright.

Wiping her eyes, Tori rose up from the bed again, rolling her shoulders back and taking a deep breath. She looked down for her slippers and noticed the shirt she was wearing for the first time. A soft gasp fell from her lips at the familiar lettering and just like that she was back.

The fluorescent lights of the Hawkins High cafeteria glared down on them as she sat, helping them pick out a logo for the band. They wanted to make shirts to try to promote themselves. It was vivid as hell even all these years later. She could even smell the tangy sauce of the rectangular pizza and the smoky leather coming from the long haired boy whose lap she sat on. She could feel the calloused fingertips that were tracing phantom shapes on her thigh, just along the hem of her skirt.

A maelstrom of rage rose up inside her as she fought against the memories she’d tried not to think about in the last few years, the face she’d tried so hard to erase from her mind. As if that were even possible. That name was plastered across almost every single magazine on the racks at the store, his face was all over the television, a different beautiful girl draped over him that felt like a punch to her solar plexus every single time.

She could never escape him no matter how hard she tried. Life’s cruel little joke. She’d let him go so he could become famous and live his dream and that meant she never got to move on, never got to leave him in the past. There would never be out of sight, out of mind for her because he was literally everywhere. Lacy and her had gotten into a huge fight three years ago when Tori declared that MTV was no longer allowed to be on in their house because he showed up on the screen every damn hour.

“No…no, no, no, no, no,” she muttered over and over, yanking the shirt over her head forcibly, angry at the offensive fabric for having the nerve to touch her skin again.

Stomping over to the dresser, she wrenched open the drawer, shoving it way in the back where it belonged. She had no idea how it had wound up on her body and she didn’t care. She couldn’t deal with that right now. It was too much. Not him too, not after her mom. No. She wouldn’t do it. It was already damn near impossible to keep her shit together right now and he was a loose thread, a thread that if she pulled would unravel her completely. Pulling out a Nirvana shirt, she yanked it over her head, inhaling a breath of relief. That was better.

Tori made her way downstairs, gathering her long dark hair into a scrunchie, her hand slipping over the smooth wood of the banister. She tried to take in the voices she was hearing, trying to figure out who was all in her house. It was definitely more than just Robin and Nancy.

Her eyes fell to the closed curtain that concealed the hospital bed from her view. A tug of gratitude pulled at her heart for her friends having the foresight to protect her the best that they could. She didn’t think she could stomach looking at that offensive thing right now. It only reminded her of the shell her mom had become when she could barely even lift her head off the pillow anymore.

“I’m telling you, she was practically catatonic,” Nancy whispered softly. “I’m not even sure she heard what we were saying to her. She scared the hell out of us. We had to get her dressed and put her to bed. She could barely function. It was like she wasn’t even in there anymore, like we were talking to a shadow or something. I don’t know how she’s going to deal with all of the decisions that she has to make today.”

Ah, well, that explained the shirt then. She hadn’t chosen it. Robin and Nancy had and it had probably been a hasty grab in their desperation to be done dealing with the girl who was losing her mind. That also explained the odd dreams, as if her subconscious had somehow recognized the clothing and brought him back to the forefront of her mind. Well, that definitely would not be happening again. She’d be dressing herself from this point forward. They were wrong. She wasn’t catatonic. She could function. She wasn’t losing it. She could do this. She had to do this.

“Is her dad coming?” She knew that voice. That was Steve.

“Yeah,” Robin answered. “He should be here shortly, actually. He was heading into work to tell them that he would need to take some time off and then driving straight here. Lacy is supposed to get in this afternoon.”

“Does she need a ride?” asked Steve.

“No, Steve,” Robin snorted. “You know, she’s all grown up now, Mr. Mom. She’s driving in. She has her own car and a license, even. Can you believe it?”

“I was just checking. I didn’t want her to be stranded at the train station or anything. Jesus. Just trying to be helpful.”

Nancy chuckled, “Of course you were.”

“Well, at least she won’t have to make all of these decisions alone. I’m glad her family’s coming.”

Dustin. She felt warmth spread from her center out to the tips of her fingers at the sound of the curly haired cutie’s voice. If she had a little brother, it would be that kid. The kid who’d pulled her from the depths of her despair during those dark few months. The kid who’d cried with her, who’d understood her sadness and loss better than just about anyone because he’d felt it too. The kid who still talked to him every week but never brought it up to her, knowing it was a little twist of the knife each time his name was mentioned.

Alright, it was time to make her presence known so they would see she was alive and conscious. Tori rounded the corner into the kitchen and they all ceased speaking, standing frozen, staring at her like she was a ghost. Their faces were fearful, as if they expected her to break down or suddenly scream, as if they thought they might have to have her committed. She offered all of them a small smile, waving her fingers, trying to assuage their concerns.

She was not going to fall apart. She’d been dragged through literal hell these past five years and yet, here she stood. She was far stronger than they seemed to give her credit for. Maybe she’d fallen apart last night but she was quickly picking up the pieces and reassembling them, something she was quite the expert at these days. She had it all under control.

“Good morning,” she greeted quickly, in an effort to assure them that she was okay. She registered that they were cooking breakfast. The table was stacked with pancakes, waffles, scrambled eggs, sausage, toast, and bacon. Tori’s eyes went wide at the sight of so much food. “Wow. That’s quite a feast. You’re all planning on eating too, right?”

Nancy laughed nervously. “Yeah. We’re going to have some, too. We just wanted to make sure you had breakfast since you didn’t eat anything last night and you’re going to have a tough day and we didn’t know what you would want to eat.”

Steve rolled his eyes with a snort, “Yeah. So Nancy decided to just cook everything in the kitchen.”

“I can make you something else if none of this looks good,” Nancy added quickly, her hand sweeping toward the table. “I could whip you up an omelet or a bowl of cereal or I think I saw some oatmeal up in the cupboard if you think that would be easier on your stomach.”

Tori held her hands up in front of her, touched by her friend’s concern. “Nancy, this is fine. Really. This is good. It’s great, actually. And thank you for last night and today. You guys really didn’t have to do all this.”

Then Dustin’s arms were around her, hugging her, his chin on her shoulder, the kid now the same height as her. When the other boys all hit growth spurts, Dustin’s stopped well before them. Mike, Lucas, and Will all towered over her these days but her little Dusty had stayed just that, little, but with the biggest heart of anyone she knew. She squeezed him tightly and he pulled back, quickly wiping at his eyes, sniffing gently.

“Linda was…she was awesome. Like the most awesome mom ever. She was always so good to me. I loved her, you know?” he rasped. “I’m so damn sorry, Tor.”

“Thanks kiddo,” she replied with a smile, ruffling his hair as she blinked back her own tears. “She was pretty amazing and she loved you too. So much.”

“Are you up for some food?” asked Robin, dipping her chin down, inspecting Tori’s face for any signs of an impending meltdown. She must have been in a pretty bad state last night with the way they were all watching her, as if she were a vase made of ceramic, teetering on the edge of a table, seconds from smashing to the floor. She really didn’t remember much about last night after they pulled the sheet over her mom’s body. “You should probably get some food in you, fortify yourself for the day ahead. You’re going to need the energy. Your dad should be here any minute, Lacy’s supposed to get in around noon, and then the three of you have to head to the funeral home.”

Tori nodded, swallowing down the tears, promising herself she would shed them later. Later when there was time, when she didn’t have people depending on her, when she could be completely alone and truly grieve this massive loss in her life. Pulling her shoulders back, she straightened her spine. She could do this. She’d already lost everything once and she was still breathing.

“Yeah. You’re right. Let’s eat,” she said, taking her place at the table before her friends joined her, wondering if her stomach would even be able to handle food but knowing her friends would be watching. She had to eat something if she didn’t want them pestering her.

Nancy bustled around, filling a plate with a bit of everything that she had made until the plate was piled so high, Tori was surprised it didn’t all slide off onto the floor. She set it down in front of Tori with such an encouraging smile that Tori didn’t have the heart to tell her that this was far too much food. She’d be lucky if she made it through one pancake.

“So, how was the date with…what was her name? Lily? Layla? Laura? Something with an ‘L’, right?” asked Tori, looking over at Steve as she took a sip of her coffee.

“Oh, we don’t have to talk about that,” he said, sliding his knife over his pancake to spread the butter.

“No. I want to,” she insisted. She needed to. Steve’s awful love life would be a welcome distraction from the tangled web that was currently her thoughts and emotions. “Seriously. I would love to talk about anything but what is currently happening in my life. So, come on Steve. Amuse me with another epic failure of a dating story.”

He scoffed, a string of sputtering syllables letting her know he was offended by her statement. “And why do you immediately assume it was an epic fail?”

“So, it was a success?” questioned Robin as she piled bacon onto her heaping plate of eggs and waffles.

“Well, no,” he admitted sheepishly, “but it wasn’t the worst date I’ve ever been on either.”

Dustin laughed, leaning back in his chair, reminding her too much of…no. “Well, nothing could be as bad as that girl who told you she’d been a cat in a past life and meowed at you all night.”

“Dude, not funny. I still have scars from where she clawed at me.” His hand came up to his neck, fingers tracing three pale red lines that had never faded. “No. My date with Lisa was just fine.”

“Just fine?” inquired Nancy with a lift of her eyebrow, fork hovering over her plate. “That doesn’t exactly sound promising.”

“That’s because it’s not. It was just fine. We went to dinner. She ordered like a normal human. None of that, just a green salad for me, bullshit. I hate when girls do that. Like, you’re a human being whose body functions off of food. You have to eat or die, right? Why do girls think we want someone who pretends that they don’t eat? Anyway, we were talking and I mean, it was okay. It was just…no electricity, you know?”

“Ahh, the electricity that Steve is so fond of,” Dustin smirked. “That sexual energy was lacking between the two of you. Well, sounds like a dud. Sorry, man. Meanwhile, I went on a date with Suzie last night and the electricity was so hot it was crackling. I bet you could hear the sizzle. We could have set the world ablaze with the heat between us.”

“Ahhh! No! No! No!” Tori pleaded, covering her ears. “Dustin, I beg of you. Stop. I cannot handle you using the word sexual or heat or…any words that have to do with things you should not be old enough to do. Please no.”

Dustin rolled his eyes, “Jesus, you do know that I am twenty-two now, right? A fully fledged man sits before you with all of the normal manly needs.”

“No, man. Just no,” Steve snapped, gesturing to the rest of the table. “No talk about your needs of any kind. We’re all trying to eat here.”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from the guy who thinks the ladies dig his chest hair and calls it his manly jungle.”

“Eww!” Robin squealed, slapping Steve on the shoulder. “Please tell me you do not call it that!”

Steve shrugged. “What? I do and the ladies dig it. This one girl, Julie, loved to run her fingers through it and tug on it when we were…well, you know.” He wiggled his eyebrows as they all looked on with disgust. “It was hot. I didn’t think I’d be into pain but a little can be fun.��

“Oh god.” Nancy gagged. “That was so much more information than I ever needed to know.”

“And you said I was going to make them sick,” Dustin snorted.

Tori smiled as she watched her friends bicker back and forth across the table. She shoveled a large bite of eggs into her mouth, suddenly finding that her stomach wasn’t so twisted up anymore.

___________________________________________________________

“Eddie, man, are you sure this is a good idea?” asked Jeff from his place on the bed, watching as Eddie began pulling shirts and jeans from his closet and dresser, tossing them haphazardly into a suitcase.

Suit…he was going to need a suit for the funeral. He owned a few but some of them were too flashy for such a somber event. The solid black he’d worn to the Grammys last year would work. It was Prada. Kind of pricey for a Hawkins event but he didn’t have anything that wasn’t designer. He usually went with Vivienne Westwood because he enjoyed her style but one of her designs wouldn’t be appropriate. Amanda had suggested something more subdued for the Grammy Awards, classic with clean lines she’d said. Besides, he wanted to blend in the best he could, not stand out. This wasn’t the time for him to take the spotlight, even if he would love to shove his fame in all their ignorant faces.

Gareth paced by the window, something he’d been doing since his three friends had entered the room to find him haphazardly packing. He was going to burn a line in the carpet if he didn’t relax. Eddie was anxious enough for all of them. He didn’t need any help.

“Yeah, I agree,” Gareth said. “I’m not sure this is the best idea. I know I just assumed you would go at first. But the more I’m thinking about it, I just don’t know, man. I mean, I know you want to be there for her. I know you feel that you’re obligated to be but…”

“But what?” demanded Eddie, clothes flying from his hands, scattering down over the room as his hands flew into the air in frustration. He appreciated his friends’ concern. He knew it was coming from a good place. He really did but how could they even question that he was going? They’d been there, right there next to him, through it all, through every damn up and down. They knew exactly why he needed to do this. “But what, huh? What else am I supposed to do? Her mom died, Gareth. It’s Linda. It’s fucking Linda. I loved her too!”

Gareth held his hands up, warding off Eddie’s temper as he took a step toward him. “I know you did, Ed. We all loved Linda. She was an awesome woman, man. One of the absolute best. She treated every single one of us like family, always allowing us to use her house to practice when my mom had enough of us in our garage, inviting us to stay for dinner. God, I used to love her peanut butter cookies.”

“Oh, those peanut butter cookies were the bomb. When Tori would bring them while we were jamming and they were fresh out of the oven and they were all warm and the peanut butter was melty. Oh, and her lasagna…” Matt piped up, closing his eyes with a smile as he reminisced. “Her mom knew how to cook, man.”

Eddie released a growl of frustration, all his friends startling at the sound, “Yeah. We all loved her cooking. We all loved her. So, what is your point?”

“My point is that I don’t know if making some grand reappearance in Hawkins is the best idea, Ed.”

“Look, I am a big boy. Seeing her is going to be hard. It’s going to be hell, okay? But I can handle it. I’m only going for the funeral. I can handle a couple of days. If you're worried about me getting back on that shit again after I see her, it’s not going to happen. I will call my sponsor and go to a meeting as soon as I land back home if it makes you feel better,” Eddie assured them.

“And that’s all a great idea. I mean, you should absolutely do that. Better to be proactive, right?” Gareth agreed. “But…man, Robin called you about Linda. Not Tori.”

“Yeah. So?” Eddie grunted, getting more and more aggravated with each passing minute. Didn’t his friends know this decision was hard enough to make as it was? It would kill him to see her again. It wouldn't just be reopening a wound. It would be shredding it open in the most agonizing way possible and then rubbing salt all over it for good measure.

“Eddie, are you sure that she even wants you there?” asked Gareth gently, taking another hesitant step toward him, looking like a man approaching a bear caught in a trap.

Eddie’s head snapped back, Gareth’s words a harsh slap to the face, the sting sharp and sudden. He opened his mouth to argue and then shut it again as his friend’s words rolled around in his head. Dropping down on the bed, he looked out at the view of the San Fernando Valley and Santa Monica Mountains. It was a view that usually brought him peace but he just stared, silent, contemplating something that had never occurred to him because he had done what he always did when shit got hard. He was told something that wrecked him and then made a rash decision quickly, not thinking through the full consequences of what he was doing because he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to dwell on the potential pain down the line. He just wanted to barrel through it and get to the other side.

But Gareth was right. Tori hadn’t called him. Her mom had died, a woman he’d loved just like she was his own, because she had been. She was the only mom he’d ever known but Tori hadn’t been the one to reach out to him. Maybe she didn’t want him there. Maybe she didn’t want to see him at all. He’d been thinking that he needed to be there for her, no matter what had happened in their past, but maybe the best thing he could do for her was to stay away. Maybe he would just make everything worse for her. Maybe he was the last person she wanted to see right now…or ever. If she hadn’t even bothered to tell him…maybe it’s because she didn't want him to know. Could she really hate him that much?

He remembered their last conversation. Eddie could play it back word for word like placing a needle on a record. Every damn word they’d spoken was forever downloaded into his brain, a file he couldn't ever move to the trash icon even if he wanted to. That conversation had stuck with him, a ghost haunting his thoughts.

“Eddie, please. I just can’t do this anymore,” Tori cried into the phone, the sound like nails raking down his heart, shredding it to ribbons. There was nothing he hated more than hearing her in pain, knowing he was miles away, and there was nothing he could do to make it better. “My life is a fucking mess as it is right now. I’m barely hanging on by a thread. I can’t keep doing this with you. It’s just too damn hard.”

“That was nothing, Funshine. I told you, baby,” Eddie insisted, willing her to believe his words when it was all he had to give. “It was some dumb publicity stunt that our manager wanted. He said that it would help get the band more attention. It was a kiss for the paparazzi. It was completely staged. It meant nothing to me. She means nothing to me. It was like acting but in real life. I’m just playing the part they want me to play to help the band. Tori, come on.”

“And what about the picture on the cover of People two weeks ago with those two girls draped all over you at that party?” she retorted.

“That was…” Eddie paused, pinching the bridge of his nose because he knew he couldn’t explain that one away so easily. “That was Slash’s party. I was completely shitfaced, baby. Everybody there was shitfaced. I had no idea what the hell was going on half the time. And I was only at that party because management wanted it. I have to feed into the bad boy persona to go with the metalhead image.”

“And that makes it okay?” She sobbed, the sound absolutely crushing him. He was fucking this all up. He knew he was fucking this up and all he wanted to do was hold her, to be able to show her how much he loved her, how she was the only one that mattered. But he couldn’t do it through a goddamn phone line which was their only means of communication anymore. “Eddie, it doesn’t even matter. I have to focus on my mom right now. That’s what’s important. I don’t…I don’t have the energy for this. I can’t keep wondering where you are, what you’re doing, and who you’re doing it with. I can’t keep questioning whether what the tabloids are saying is true or not. I have so much shit in my life already. I can’t take anymore. I can’t keep waiting for you and you not showing up. I just can’t handle anymore.”

“I don’t want to cause you pain, Funshine. I’ve never wanted to cause you pain.”

“I know,” she replied softly with a sniffle, “but you are. You might not be meaning to but you are. I told you this wasn’t going to work. I told you long distance was impossible but you wouldn’t listen. I can’t keep sitting here in Hawkins wondering what you’re doing. The only time I even see you is on the covers of magazines at the store or on my television. This isn’t a relationship, Eddie. We barely talk. We haven’t seen each other in four months.”

“I was on tour. Tori, this is my job. There’s nothing I can do about my schedule and how crazy it is, not if we want the band to continue to do well.”

“I know. And that’s my point. I don’t expect you to be available for me all the time. You swore to me that you were coming home for my birthday party and I sat there waiting like an idiot for you to show. I know you’re busy all the time but I can’t keep living like this. You don’t need to be attached to some high school sweetheart from back home anymore. You’re a rockstar now. You’re living the life that you always wanted and I want that for you. I really do. I want you to be able to enjoy it and you can’t do that being shackled to me. I don’t fit. I don’t fit in your life anymore and you don’t fit in mine. That’s just reality. We have to accept it.”

“I don’t accept it. It’s not true. Baby, we do fit. Come on. You know we do. We can figure this out. I know we can. Look, we have a little bit of time before we’re heading out for the next leg of the tour. I’ll fly in next week. We can spend a couple days together and we’ll talk all of this through, okay?”

“No,” Tori stated firmly and his stomach dropped out of his ass. “No. I don’t want you to. Eddie, there’s nothing left to talk about. Not anymore. I’ve said everything that I have to say. I can’t see you. I don’t want to. Please, just let it go. Don’t come back here. It just…this just hurts too damn much and I have to walk away before there’s nothing left of me. My mom needs me to be strong and right now…”

“Why are you doing this?” he demanded, anger suddenly taking over. How could she do this? How could she just throw away everything they had? Did seven years mean nothing to her? Did she not love him anymore? “Is there someone else? Who is it, Tori? Did you find someone else while I’ve been gone?”

“Fuck you, Eddie. Stop. How could you even think that? You know me better than that. I’m not the one who’s pictured with a different girl every damn week! I barely have time to shower between work, taking care of Lacy, and driving my mom back and forth from appointments. That’s not what this is about and you know it. I love you. I will always love you but our lives just don’t fit anymore and you have to accept that. Please. If you love me, just let me go.”

“Tori, come on…”

“Goodbye Eddie. I really hope you guys have all the success in the world and get everything you ever wanted. You deserve it.”

And then she was gone.

But he didn’t get everything he ever wanted. Instead, he’d lost the one thing he wanted most.

Fingers snapped in his face and Eddie blinked.

“Earth to Eddie. Hey, you okay there? Did you hear anything I just said?” Gareth asked, breaking through his stroll down memory lane.

“Uh…yeah. Yeah, I did,” he replied, nodding stiffly. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe she doesn’t want me there. Maybe I’m the last person she wants to see. Maybe my showing up would just make everything that much worse for her.”

She had asked him to let her go and he’d listened. For four years, he’d listened. Maybe he needed to keep listening even if it would break his heart not to pay respect to a woman who’d given him so much.

“Listen, man,” Jeff cut in. “None of us are trying to hurt you. We just, you know, we love her too. Losing her mom…she’d got to be in a pretty dark place right now. That was her best friend in the whole world. We all saw how broken she was the day they got the news.”

Eddie nodded jerkily, eyes closed, pinching the bridge of his nose in an effort to keep the tears at bay. He had no doubt that Tori was falling apart right now. It didn’t matter that she’d had years to cope with this possibility. Nothing ever really prepared you for the loss of someone you loved that much. He knew exactly how it felt. Maybe it hadn’t been a death but it sure as hell felt like one. And Tori and her mom, they had a bond like him and his uncle. It would be like losing a lung or the very heart in her chest.

It killed him, gutted him, that he might only add to that pain rather than helping relieve it. Everything in him wanted to run to her, to shield her the best he could. The instinct to protect her was just as strong as it ever was. He used to be that person for her but he wasn’t anymore. Maybe the best way he could protect her was to stay away.

“I know it sucks man but I don’t want you to fly all the way out there just to have her react badly,” Gareth told him. “I just…I don’t want to see you or her hurt anymore. And maybe, I don’t know. Maybe seeing each other would just be worse for both of you. Maybe it’s time to truly just bury it and let it go.”

“Maybe. I…” Eddie stopped as his phone rang. He grabbed it off the nightstand. “Hello?”

“Eddie?”

“Henderson?”

His little buddy from Hawkins still called to check in with him every couple of weeks, filling him in on everything he was missing back home. Everything but Tori. Eddie had declared that topic off limits years ago and Dustin respected that decision, something Eddie was eternally grateful for. He couldn’t handle hearing how she was doing. He wouldn’t be able to handle hearing if she found someone new. As much as he’d like to say he was a big enough person that he wanted her happy whether it was with him or not, that would be a lie.

“Hey man. Look, I know we’re not supposed to talk about her but I thought you should know that…”

“I know about her mom, already,” Eddie replied softly, eyes closing as he swallowed.

“You do? How?”

“Robin called and left a message for me with my people. I was thinking of flying in for the funeral but I’m not thinking that’s such a good idea anymore. I am betting she doesn’t want to see me right now. Or ever. I don’t want to make this any worse for her than it already is.”

“Well, actually, that’s why I was calling,” Dustin said slowly. “Look, Tori’s in a really bad place. Nance and Robin said she was practically catatonic last night after it happened. They had to dress her and tuck her into bed. She was completely out of it. This morning, she seemed to have pulled herself together but I really think it’s all just an act. You know how she is, staying strong for Lacy and everyone else, putting it all on her own shoulders. It’s only a matter of time before she buckles under the weight of all this. She’s been bearing this for years and I don’t know how much more she can take. They just went with her dad to the funeral home to make arrangements. Anyway, I was thinking she could actually really use you right now.”

“Me? Why would you think that? Henderson, we haven’t spoken in four years. Why would she possibly need me?”

“Come on, Eddie. Do I really have to spell it out for you?” Dustin scoffed, obviously irritated. “Look, we all know you two didn’t break up because you stopped loving each other. You didn’t end things because you wanted to. Your situation sucked. You had to leave because you had a chance to finally attain rockstar status. She had to stay because her mom needed her. But she’s never stopped loving you.”

“Has she actually said that?” he asked, hating the hopefulness he could hear in his own voice, how pathetic he sounded grasping at the slightest chance that she still felt anything for him after all this time.

“Not in so many words but she doesn’t have to. Eddie, just come, please? We would all love to see you. It’s been way too long since you’ve come home. Everybody misses you and Tori could use the support. Besides, you can’t tell me you don’t need to have a chance to say your own goodbyes, to get some closure for yourself. You were really close to Linda, too.”

“I was…yeah…” he mumbled, memories flashing through his mind. Dinners at their house, movie nights with popcorn and brownies, board games at the kitchen table, Linda helping him revise his English papers, her eardrum shattering screech of joy when he came over to tell them that a record label was actually interested in the band. The way she’d grinned when he’d told her they wanted to sign Corroded Coffin. That was Linda, ecstatic for him even though she'd just received the most horrible news of her life. “Henderson, are you sure about this?”

“I’m telling you, Eddie, even if Tori never comes out and says it, she needs you right now. We all do, man. Hawkins hasn’t been the same without you. She hasn’t been the same without you.”

Eddie pressed the phone against his forehead, tapping it gently as he inhaled long and slow. Could Dustin be right? Could she still need him? Or would she just be pissed that he had the nerve to show up all this time later when he hadn’t shown when it mattered? Should he risk it? If he didn’t, if he never found out, never took the opportunity to be there for her when she needed him most, never said goodbye to a woman who had meant so much to him, could he live with himself? Would he be able to look at himself in the mirror knowing he hadn’t stepped up when it counted?

No. He couldn’t. He had to go. If nothing else, he owed it to Linda, to the woman who’d welcomed him into her home, into her family.

Maybe Tori didn’t want him there but she still needed to say goodbye to the woman who’d loved him in spite of his screw ups. A woman who’d always believed in him, supported him, and cheered him on. A woman who always saw the best in him even when he couldn’t. If Tori wanted nothing to do with him, fine. He would respect that but he had every right to attend for his own closure. He would go to the funeral, pay his respects, and be on the next plane back to L.A. They could both move on and put everything behind them for good.

“Alright,” he answered, his eyes finding Gareth's as he shrugged. “Alright, Henderson. I’m on the next flight.”

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts. I am forever trying to better my writing so feedback is always welcome and reblogs are always appreciated. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist. And if you do, please make sure your age is on your profile. I will not add if it's not. Next chapter will be posted on 06/12.

Taglist: @browneyes528 @chevelle724 @tlclick73 @transparentenemypenguin @missmarch-99 @madaboutjoe

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fantasy-nerdddd · 3 days

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Coin could have made Katniss mad at Snow with less likelyhood of being exposed and without killing Prim

I was rereading Mockingjay - for the 27th time - and I had a thought. Prim's death was stupid. Coin sent a 13 year old into battle, as an untrained medic, and then dropped Gale's bomb on top of her. But that creates a huge problem. Two, to be exact.

First and foremost, why was Prim into battle? She didn't have the title of soldier. I bet she wanted to go, to keep an eye on her sister possibly or just helping out with her skills. But, it shouldn't be allowed. And District 13 is known for following the strict rules. So, that would have raised suspicion on its own.

Second, although less vital, the attack was their signature. Gale made this bomb, the concept at least. And while the Capitol could have a similar weapon, Coin certainly did. And Katniss could have known. When she learned about the weapon, she was in Special Defences right after she got released from the hospital because her choking bruises were getting better. And Coin had to have been keeping an eye on her. Especially considering how controlling she is. And she obviously knew Beetee and Gale where also there working on bombs, because it must have been in their program. Nevertheless, even out of Special Defences, Gale is supposedly Katniss' bestie. She should have known not to use a weapon of his, because there was a big chance Katniss knew about it.

If someone knew all of the above, they could have guessed that the bomb was from 13, Haymitch definitely would have. I think the fandom underestimates how much he understands what's going on. Coin, should not have killed Prim, because it could expose her intentions before she could get a grasp in control, as it did in the end. So, I can think of one way to turn Katniss against Snow.

When I said Prim wouldn't be killed, it doesn't mean no one else would. We just need to find a good enough substitute. But there isn't a big variety, if we are honest. She needed to find someone Katniss cared about, that was in the Capitol or would be reasonable to send in the Capitol, and could die because they were at the wrong place, in the wrong time.

In Mockingjay, I can't find the exact place it's said, Katniss thinks to herself "Except my mum, Prim and Gale, who else loves me unconditionally? In my case, I think it's none". Other than the criminal offence that she thinks Gale actually loves her, we need to take into account that this is said a short while after Peeta, Johanna and Annie return to 13 and Katniss and Peeta have their wholesome reunion. So, she was referring to him. And she cares. So we are adding him to the list of people Katniss cares about. Haymitch is added too, because she asked for his and only his comfort in Chapter 11, right after the bombing of District 13.

Alright, so our list consists of: Prim, Mrs Everdeen, Gale, Peeta and Haymitch. We already got Prim out of the way, and Mrs Everdeen would be a nurse too, so it would take two bombs to take her out, one to lure her into danger, and the other to blow her up. That's Gale's idea, so we cannot use her. Gale was captured by the Capitol for a bit, and even if he wasn't he is too loyal to Coin. Coin would have killed her only influence on Katniss. I am not convinced Haymitch wouldn't play it safe and hide in the shadows while drinking. And if he did, which to be fair, he would, and if we had a movie of him in the Capitol it'd be named "Finding Liquor", he would stay in a house waiting for the liquor to run out. Coin would have to bomb a entire city, but Katniss might have died in the process.

In my opinion, Peeta was the best sacrifice that could be made. He was already in the Capitol, he shouldn't be but he was. Whether he was there to kill Katniss, or a more unpopular opinion, to make Katniss kill him in fear of her life, that doesn't matter. She had already defamed herself by putting a mentally unstable Peeta in the battlefield, so she doesn't have to make it worse by sending a 13 y/o. And he was just running around ready to cause a distraction (completely irrelevant, but that his first thought was "Oh, let me go behind you so that if Katniss needs saving I can risk my life so she won't get captured" is so cute). He was just an accident away from blowing up.

But, I hear you asking, how could Coin know that Peeta meant this much to Katniss? Omg, do we have to get through this again? Finnick, chapter 11: "After your first Games, I thought the whole romance was an act on your part. We all expected you'd continue that strategy. But it wasn't until Peeta hit the forcefield and nearly died that I - that I knew I'd misjudged you. That you do love him. I'm not saying in what way. Maybe you don't know yourself. But anyone paying attention could see how much you care about him". Anyone. And if that isn't enough for you, Katniss, chapter 3: "When the war is over, if we've won, Peeta will be pardoned." *Dead silence for a while* "No form of punishment will be inflicted. The same goes for the other captured tributes, Johanna and Enobaria.". She basically said to her face "I care about him".

And I hear you saying "How would they know where he is?". Oh shit, that's a very good question. But how did they know where Prim is? How did they know that Katniss would see what happened? Or that they weren't hitting Katniss herself? Or that it was worth doing all of this, and Squad 451 wasn't dead in the sewers and eaten by the mutts? That's what I propose: Beetee found a way to hack the Capitol cameras. Plutarch was working next to Snow, he knew where the pods were. Beetee made the Capitol's TV system, that's why it took them so long to break into. But it's not unlikely either of them knew a way to hack the cameras. Or Plutarch just had people working for him that had access to the cameras.

And you know the best part? Katniss wouldn't need to see it either. If they had access to the cameras, they could just replay a video of the hovercraft dropping a bomb on Peeta. And it would break her. Just as much as it would with Prim. And Snow might have not convinced her that it was Coin. Because Coin wouldn't have sent a 13 y/o to battle, suspicious enough. And the attack wouldn't have Gale's signature. Just a hovercraft that dropped a bomb. And Snow's main argument still stands: Why wouldn't he have left with that hovercraft? But it might have been someone else's from the Capitol. Or that he knew he was doomed, that soldiers were coming from all sides, and hovercrafts were flying over his head. So he killed him, not as a last resort, but out of spite. So that Snow would have his own "If I burn, you burn with me!" moment with Katniss.

And either way, the chances of Coin being exposed would never be zero. But that's the closest I can get them to zero. And also: Peeta was basically a traitor. And I bet Coin wouldn't want to keep her promise with Katniss, to not inflict punishment if the rebels won. So his death would mean that she killed two birds with one stone.

And, in regards to literacy and symbolism, which plays a huge part in the series, his death would be as powerful as Prim's. Prim, was the person she saved from certain death, only to result in an uprising and, after some time, her death. Peeta was the person she refused to kill. Not because she was in love, not yet at least, but because she cared. Peeta was the reason this started, with the star crossed lovers strategy that got them closer, and the berries she pulled out so they both survive. They were the final two tributes of the hunger games, refusing to kill each other. And the 76th Hunger Games, as well as the Quell, were the desperate tries of the Capitol to get them to kill each other. And they refused. Again and again and again. The two tributes remaining, that were allies their whole games, can't be both Victors. They were in a rematch. And with the bomb, it's like getting out the mutts, the desparate option to kill a tribute when the final two refused to kill each other. And, just like how it was supposed to go at first, Peeta died and she lived. Like the Capitol wanted it to go. "Our lives belong to Snow and our deaths do to".

I need a fanfic with this concept. Hell, I might write one myself. Can you add anything? Either to strengthen the idea or to go against it?

#everlark #the hunger games #thg #president coin #prim reaper #primrose everdeen #katniss everdeen #katniss and peeta #peeta mellark #mockingjay #mockingjay part 2 #headcanon #fan theory

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ruddyhotelau · 18 hours

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If this Universes Val & Angel met would they have a different relationship?

Valentino and Angel didn't have a good relationship in our AU, especially in the ss1.

In our AU, despite the fact that Valentino wasn't a rapist because he thought of himself superior to his employees and they had no chance to be on the same bed with him. He's still a pretty much fucked up boss, Val still harass, manipulate and constantly abuse them if he felt like shit or when they made some minor mistakes. Angel was no different but he needed money to buy the medicine, plus there are some sides of the job that he at least enjoyed doing, the job let him worn what he wanted and be true to himself, even just for a tiny bit. Compared to what his father used to do to him, this was still a whole lot better.

Yet, every time Valentino tried to control him, hit him and Angel couldn't even fight back. He couldn't stand up for himself. He felt like he was in that house again, feeling the air being taken away from his lungs. Fear and desperate filled in his eyes. His father left a huge scar to his mental health and Valentino did nothing if not made it worse. Soon, both his father and Valentino became the ghosts who were constantly haunting his mind, making him believe that he would never escape their chains and will always be their puppet, toy to play with.

The day Valentino lost his title, Angel was finally free from his abuse. He felt relief but also fear because what could he possibly do to make money now? He needed those for his meds to soothe the pain in his head and his soul, the pain that constantly attempted to drag him to the eternal darkness...

And before he knew it, his father found him and chained him to the family business again, just like when he was alive. His current life even worse than the previous...

About Valentino, after his title was taken away thanks to Vox, he no longer had the ability to make deals and gain power again since every deal he made, all of those souls would go straight to Vox. Val was hunted down by many of his enemies, old employees or old business partners that he had wrong in the past. They tortured him for 6 years straight until eventually he was finally able to escape. Thanks to the help of Velvette, he recovered a bit or at least recovered enough to act like nothing happened and he wasn't in pain.

The moment Valentino and Angel met, both of them have different thoughts, Angie felt those old helpless feelings again in his chest while Val saw Angel as someone who he can have the upper hand and used to make him feel like he was still in his prime, that he was still feared by the people. Using Angel as a way to run away from his cruel reality and allowing him to helplessly cling onto the idea that he can be his old self again and not some crack headed whore who would sleep with anyone for money to buy his meds. Having Angel fear him makes Val feel better about himself 'cause at least there are still people who are more pathetic than him, someone who fears him.

But some events took place and let just say that even in the future, Angel will never forgive Valentino for what he did to him but their relationship did get better than the past. The future where they are still not friends but at least they are standing on equal grounds, where Angel no longer fears Val and Val treats Angel with a little more respect.

#ruddy hotel #hazbin hotel au #hazbin hotel swap au #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin hotel valentino

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winnie-the-monster · 1 year

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Remember how in 3x02 when Hope wanted to send Landon to live in the PW with Raf. And he told her no bc that’s not living to him. That wasn’t a life he wanted for himself. Then by 4x20 he’s trapped in the PW that is limbo, eternally living a life he does not want.

#anti legacies #3x02 #4x20 #landon kirby #and what makes it worse is that he’s been stuck living a life he didn’t want since the end of 3x04 #at least before that he had a chance at getting the life he wanted #I’m also convinced that someone jumped into Landon and made him agree to becoming the ferryman #bc 5secs before he wanted nothing to do with that place #luckily for Landon Raf and Hope have been working nonstop and found a way to get him out #they’re currently living in New Orleans going to college

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lucalicatteart · 1 year

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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 13: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression

(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)

Yesterday's poll decided that The Adventurer should just start crying whilst being robbed in the abandoned barn ...

(----- tw for mild violence (he gets into sort of a fight) until after the next orange text section in parentheses -----)

Not sure what else to even do, The Adventurer simply collapses into a ball on the floor and starts sobbing, screaming, and rolling about. The hooded figure pauses in confusion at first, but.. apparently is not very sympathetic to his plight.

They rush over, grappling with him as he cries, fighting to pry the backpack out of his hands. The Adventurer continues screeching frantically, and during some of his flailing accidentally swings his arm up, elbowing the hooded figure in the face. They let out an exasperated sigh, knocking him against the wall then firmly yanking him up by the hair, securing their arm around his throat to restrain him as they grab for the backpack. He kicks a few times, struggling, clawing at the hooded figure's arms, but just isn't strong enough to free himself.. There's a thwack and a sudden sharpness in the side of his head, the backpack pulling away from his shoulders, cold ground, and then… nothing at all..…

(------------------- mild violence tw over -----------------) ...............

The Adventurer slowly opens his eyes to a quiet foggy morning.. Tiny particles in the dusty barn air gently flutter to and fro, dancing around in the streams of early sunlight trickling through the slight crack of the front doors. With a groan, he rolls over, suddenly feeling every ache in his body. His head, his wrist, his leg injury from crashing the raft.. He spends a while just laying on his back, watching the dust and gazing hopelessly at the moldy boards of the roof, mustering the strength to sit upright… What can he even do next? He's failed.. His first EVER actual quest of his adventuring career, and he can't even keep a stupid egg safe for more than a few days! What type of adventurer is that?? Maybe he should just give up.. Go back home and do nothing with his life, just as he was meant to... He sighs, turning back onto his side and curling into a ball to sulk even more dramatically. The cat trots over to him to interrupt his swirling thoughts, pawing at his face, then directing him towards a small stack of hay in the corner where... there it is! His backpack!! He scrambles over, immediately digging through to check for his belongings.. To his surprise, everything it still in it's place. His food, his money, all of the cool shiny rocks he's collected so far.. And tucked away in the very bottom, the Mysterious Egg box remains, completely undamaged.. somehow with the egg still inside! And... a note? He shakily unfolds a crisp sheet of pale yellow paper dotted with a few scribbly letters: "I took care of her for you. Be more careful next time. Just get where you have to go."

Well...... He supposes that if there's apparently going to be weirdos following him around anyway, maybe he's lucky at least one of them seems nice. Better than trying to ROB him, at least.. Even if it is a bit creepy. He realizes now that his injuries have been bandaged as well, and that when he woke up, he was wrapped in a blanket, and.. where is the hooded figure? What does the stranger mean that they "took care" of her?? He turns to the cat for answers, as if they'd be able to clear up his confusions, but they simply make a "mrrp!" noise and stare blankly in response. Figuring that it's all far too much to think about first thing in the morning (especially with the headache that he has), he just decides to be thankful he at least still has the egg, and thus can continue on his grand adventure!! He will NOT let himself fail again! Sore and limping but full of renewed motivation, he leaps up (at least as best he can) and continues back onto the road. After walking only a few hours, he comes to a clearing at the top of a large hill, overlooking the next stop on his journey (then double checks the map just to make sure it actually IS the next stop). This is a much bigger area than the previous villages he's been to, possibly large enough to even count as a small city. With a wider variation of shops and attractions available to him than usual, he wonders if he should just take a break and relax the rest of the day.

He's too tired to walk much today anyway, soo.. maybe it'd be good for him to spend some time in a safe public space, doing something to help take his mind off of this morning's drama… But, what should he do?

Additional Information

the adventurer's current main quest: follow his map to reach the abandoned castle ruins and see the rare animal specialist about the mysterious egg he has

#paventure posting #poll #polls #choose your own adventure #ERM.. okay I didn't mean to take a 2 week break from doing these. I just got really really busy with Life Things #had various appointments in a row and stuff to sort out. I kept thinking like 'oh I need to get back to that!' and then would be doing #other stuff all day and then at the end of the day just realize that I.. hadn't.. BUT i AM DOING IT NOW!!#I think it's more effective if it's at least once every 1-3 days so that people don't forget the entire story before the next one is out lo #*lol.. but.. alas #Sorry I had to have something bad happen to him. I know I could have made it silly instead like the hooded figure was just like #secretly very sensitive and thinking 'AWW sowwy ur crying #do you want a donut? :(' or something but.. I had to be realistic lol #If some obviously threatening person is coming after you because they want to steal and extremely valuable item from you #for their boss or to sell themselves or whatever. you being vulnerable is just going to give them a chance to take it from you #there are very few instances where realistically that WOULDN'T happen. gbhjb..#Also note: I did not make up the mysterious person who ''saves'' him as a cop out from giving him actual consequences t #o his actions or something. I know it's convenient - but it does make sense. There have always been multiple people following him ever #since he was at the Inn. Even though the Inkeeper tried to hide it very fast and keep hush hush about it. there were people there #who were alerted to the fact that he has the egg. Mostly two specifically. One of them has always been more benevolent because #they have a different end goal. Which is like.. not extremely benevolent actually ghhjbhbj.. but it makes sense for them to act #benevolent at the moment because they have an interest in seeing that the egg is taken to it's ''proper place''.#The two people following him were not directly connected or working for the same people or anything. But the one who just helped him #obviously was very aware of the other. and the other didn't know about the helpful one. ANYWAY #A stumbling block in the beginning of his grand adventuring journey. hopefully things go better for him from here lol #His injuries are pretty minor but he still feels bad since he's not used to fighting. I think he deserves a relax day #he was already 5 seconds away from crying at any given time. now on top of that he's got bruises and a sprained wrist and a headache #and he's not used to having ever been injured or ''fought'' anyone before so he WILL be being very dramatic about it in his head and #finding every possible chance to mention to anyone who will listen about how he was so so brave and got in such a wild fight #and also feels so so bad and please tell him everything will be okay and oh he is so so so injured *big wet seal eyes*#he IS going to feel sorry for himself for weeks gghbjhb..

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foxcassius · 2 years

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as i look at job listings here in korea, i cant help but still dream of that private lesson life. like, every job here will still expect you to teach 6 classes a day 5 days a week, for like a maximum wage of 2.4 million won per month. i could make twice that teaching that many classes in a private lesson setting, and i could easily make the SAME wage and just work less (ideal scenario)

#last night jiwon asked me like a million (imo unfair) questions about america and its society and why it succeeded #(unfair bc i just genuinely cant give definitive answers aside from 'it succeeded economically thanks to slavery')#and i was like 'you ask me sometimes why i dont want to move back to america and there are so many reasons and its hard to put into words'#'but one of them is that the work culture is so gross to be in and people still feel trapped in their jobs and there's no freedom to it'#and he was like 'korea is the same way it's just that i'm a specialist and you are foreigner who speaks english as a mother tongue'#'so i am inherently privileged out of genuine poverty by way of my degree and you are as well by way of being the class of foreign worker #you are. so korea has the same kind of trap for ''lower class'' people when it comes to work its just that you arent seeing it due to #your own status and my status as the main korean national whose life you are privvy to'#and i was like yes. i am aware of this. i am perfectly aware of how much poverty there is in korea and that not everyone lives as we do.#and i'm also perfectly aware of the fact that i would lose visa status and be sent back to my home country before i had any chance to #experience korean poverty. it sometimes feels like when he asks me why i dont want to go back to america he forces me to state One (1)#reason why and then takes that one reason and is like 'korea is like that too' which for starters I Know. because he refuses to acknowledge #this but korea is heavily controlled and influenced by the usa im not gonna get into that right now but I Know the similarities in many way #s between the usa and korea. secondly there are Many reasons why i wont be going back to the usa not the least of which is that #jiwon and i intend to get married and he doesnt intend to leave korea so its all a moot point anyway and idk why he keeps bringing it up #he wants to stay in korea and i wouldnt choose to move back to america so idk why he keeps like forcing me to explain myself on reason at a #time and like turn it around is trying to make me want to leave like. let it rest king i am so tired of talking about american politics #at 12 am especially bc sometimes he wants to have an argument abt it and im like Neither Of Us Is Educated Enough To Have This Conversation #i have my own lived experiences and a small amount of specific research. he has whatever they teach in school here abt america + some #internet readings. neither of us is qualified to sit and talk about this #it just feels like sometimes i'll be like 'america is a suffocating capitalist hellscape where kids get shot at school' and he's like #'well korea is also bad' and im like yeah no shit everywhere is bad everywhere is a capitalist hellscape the us has its hands in korea's #government and economy. but at least here i have a job with a decent salary and You so.#anyway. long rambling tags over. <3 #t

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therealbeachfox · 4 months

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Twenty years ago, February 15th, 2004, I got married for the first time.

It was twenty years earlier than I ever expected to.

To celebrate/comemorate the date, I'm sitting down to write out everything I remember as I remember it. No checking all the pictures I took or all the times I've written about this before. I'm not going to turn to my husband (of twenty years, how the f'ing hell) to remember a detail for me.

This is not a 100% accurate recounting of that first wild weekend in San Francisco. But it -is- a 100% accurate recounting of how I remember it today, twenty years after the fact.

Join me below, if you would.

2004 was an election year, and much like conservatives are whipping up anti-trans hysteria and anti-trans bills and propositions to drive out the vote today, in 2004 it was all anti-gay stuff. Specifically, preventing the evil scourge of same-sex marriage from destroying everything good and decent in the world.

Enter Gavin Newstrom. At the time, he was the newly elected mayor of San Francisco. Despite living next door to the city all my life, I hadn’t even heard of the man until Valentines Day 2004 when he announced that gay marriage was legal in San Francisco and started marrying people at city hall.

It was a political stunt. It was very obviously a political stunt. That shit was illegal, after all. But it was a very sweet political stunt. I still remember the front page photo of two ancient women hugging each other forehead to forehead and crying happy tears.

But it was only going to last for as long as it took for the California legal system to come in and make them knock it off.

The next day, we’re on the phone with an acquaintance, and she casually mentions that she’s surprised the two of us aren’t up at San Francisco getting married with everyone else.

“Everyone else?” Goes I, “I thought they would’ve shut that down already?”

“Oh no!” goes she, “The courts aren’t open until Tuesday. Presidents Day on Monday and all. They’re doing them all weekend long!”

We didn’t know because social media wasn’t a thing yet. I only knew as much about it as I’d read on CNN, and most of the blogs I was following were more focused on what bullshit President George W Bush was up to that day.

"Well shit", me and my man go, "do you wanna?" I mean, it’s a political stunt, it wont really mean anything, but we’re not going to get another chance like this for at least 20 years. Why not?

The next day, Sunday, we get up early. We drive north to the southern-most BART station. We load onto Bay Area Rapid Transit, and rattle back and forth all the way to the San Francisco City Hall stop.

We had slightly miscalculated.

Apparently, demand for marriages was far outstripping the staff they had on hand to process them. Who knew. Everyone who’d gotten turned away Saturday had been given tickets with times to show up Sunday to get their marriages done. My babe and I, we could either wait to see if there was a space that opened up, or come back the next day, Monday.

“Isn’t City Hall closed on Monday?” I asked. “It’s a holiday”

“Oh sure,” they reply, “but people are allowed to volunteer their time to come in and work on stuff anyways. And we have a lot of people who want to volunteer their time to have the marriage licensing offices open tomorrow.”

“Oh cool,” we go, “Backup.”

“Make sure you’re here if you do,” they say, “because the California Supreme Court is back in session Tuesday, and will be reviewing the motion that got filed to shut us down.”

And all this shit is super not-legal, so they’ll totally be shutting us down goes unsaid.

00000

We don’t get in Saturday. We wind up hanging out most of the day, though.

It’s… incredible. I can say, without hyperbole, that I have never experienced so much concentrated joy and happiness and celebration of others’ joy and happiness in all my life before or since. My face literally ached from grinning. Every other minute, a new couple was coming out of City Hall, waving their paperwork to the crowd and cheering and leaping and skipping. Two glorious Latina women in full Mariachi band outfits came out, one in the arms of another. A pair of Jewish boys with their families and Rabbi. One couple managed to get a Just Married convertible arranged complete with tin-cans tied to the bumper to drive off in. More than once I was giving some rice to throw at whoever was coming out next.

At some point in the mid-afternoon, there was a sudden wave of extra cheering from the several hundred of us gathered at the steps, even though no one was coming out. There was a group going up the steps to head inside, with some generic black-haired shiny guy at the front. My not-yet-husband nudged me, “That’s Newsom.” He said, because he knew I was hopeless about matching names and people.

Ooooooh, I go. That explains it. Then I joined in the cheers. He waved and ducked inside.

So dusk is starting to fall. It’s February, so it’s only six or so, but it’s getting dark.

“Should we just try getting in line for tomorrow -now-?” we ask.

“Yeah, I’m afraid that’s not going to be possible.” One of the volunteers tells us. “We’re not allowed to have people hang out overnight like this unless there are facilities for them and security. We’d need Porta-Poties for a thousand people and police patrols and the whole lot, and no one had time to get all that organized. Your best bet is to get home, sleep, and then catch the first BART train up at 5am and keep your fingers crossed.

Monday is the last day to do this, after all.

00000

So we go home. We crash out early. We wake up at 4:00. We drive an hour to hit the BART station. We get the first train up. We arrive at City Hall at 6:30AM.

The line stretches around the entirety of San Francisco City Hall. You could toss a can of Coke from the end of the line to the people who’re up to be first through the doors and not have to worry about cracking it open after.

“Uh.” We go. “What the fuck is -this-?”

So.

Remember why they weren’t going to be able to have people hang out overnight?

Turns out, enough SF cops were willing to volunteer unpaid time to do patrols to cover security. And some anonymous person delivered over a dozen Porta-Poties that’d gotten dropped off around 8 the night before.

It’s 6:30 am, there are almost a thousand people in front of us in line to get this literal once in a lifetime marriage, the last chance we expect to have for at least 15 more years (it was 2004, gay rights were getting shoved back on every front. It was not looking good. We were just happy we lived in California were we at least weren’t likely to loose job protections any time soon.).

Then it starts to rain.

We had not dressed for rain.

00000

Here is how the next six hours go.

We’re in line. Once the doors open at 7am, it will creep forward at a slow crawl. It’s around 7 when someone shows up with garbage bags for everyone. Cut holes for the head and arms and you’ve got a makeshift raincoat! So you’ve got hundreds of gays and lesbians decked out in the nicest shit they could get on short notice wearing trashbags over it.

Everyone is so happy.

Everyone is so nervous/scared/frantic that we wont be able to get through the doors before they close for the day.

People online start making delivery orders.

Coffee and bagels are ordered in bulk and delivered to City Hall for whoever needs it. We get pizza. We get roses. Random people come by who just want to give hugs to people in line because they’re just so happy for us. The tour busses make detours to go past the lines. Chinese tourists lean out with their cameras and shout GOOD LUCK while car horns honk.

A single sad man holding a Bible tries to talk people out of doing this, tells us all we’re sinning and to please don’t. He gives up after an hour. A nun replaces him with a small sign about how this is against God’s will. She leaves after it disintegrates in the rain.

The day before, when it was sunny, there had been a lot of protestors. Including a large Muslim group with their signs about how “Not even DOGS do such things!” Which… Yes they do.

A lot of snide words are said (by me) about how the fact that we’re willing to come out in the rain to do this while they’re not willing to come out in the rain to protest it proves who actually gives an actual shit about the topic.

Time passes. I measure it based on which side of City Hall we’re on. The doors face East. We start on Northside. Coffee and trashbags are delivered when we’re on the North Side. Pizza first starts showing up when we’re on Westside, which is also where I see Bible Man and Nun. Roses are delivered on Southside. And so forth.

00000

We have Line Neighbors.

Ahead of us are a gay couple a decade or two older than us. They’ve been together for eight years. The older one is a school teacher. He has his coat collar up and turns away from any news cameras that come near while we reposition ourselves between the lenses and him. He’s worried about the parents of one of his students seeing him on the news and getting him fired. The younger one will step away to get interviewed on his own later on. They drove down for the weekend once they heard what was going on. They’d started around the same time we did, coming from the Northeast, and are parked in a nearby garage.

The most perky energetic joyful woman I’ve ever met shows up right after we turned the corner to Southside to tackle the younger of the two into a hug. She’s their local friend who’d just gotten their message about what they’re doing and she will NOT be missing this. She is -so- happy for them. Her friends cry on her shoulders at her unconditional joy.

Behind us are a lesbian couple who’d been up in San Francisco to celebrate their 12th anniversary together. “We met here Valentines Day weekend! We live down in San Diego, now, but we like to come up for the weekend because it’s our first love city.”

“Then they announced -this-,” the other one says, “and we can’t leave until we get married. I called work Sunday and told them I calling in sick until Wednesday.”

“I told them why,” her partner says, “I don’t care if they want to give me trouble for it. This is worth it. Fuck them.”

My husband-to-be and I look at each other. We’ve been together for not even two years at this point. Less than two years. Is it right for us to be here? We’re potentially taking a spot from another couple that’d been together longer, who needed it more, who deserved it more.”

“Don’t you fucking dare.” Says the 40-something gay couple in front of us.

“This is as much for you as it is for us!” says the lesbian couple who’ve been together for over a decade behind us.

“You kids are too cute together,” says the gay couple’s friend. “you -have- to. Someday -you’re- going to be the old gay couple that’s been together for years and years, and you deserve to have been married by then.”

We stay in line.

It’s while we’re on the Southside of City Hall, just about to turn the corner to Eastside at long last that we pick up our own companions. A white woman who reminds me an awful lot of my aunt with a four year old black boy riding on her shoulders. “Can we say we’re with you? His uncles are already inside and they’re not letting anyone in who isn’t with a couple right there.” “Of course!” we say.

The kid is so very confused about what all the big deal is, but there’s free pizza and the busses keep driving by and honking, so he’s having a great time.

We pass by a statue of Lincoln with ‘Marriage for All!’ and "Gay Rights are Human Rights!" flags tucked in the crooks of his arms and hanging off his hat.

It’s about noon, noon-thirty when we finally make it through the doors and out of the rain.

They’ve promised that anyone who’s inside when the doors shut will get married. We made it. We’re safe.

We still have a -long- way to go.

00000

They’re trying to fit as many people into City Hall as possible. Partially to get people out of the rain, mostly to get as many people indoors as possible. The line now stretches down into the basement and up side stairs and through hallways I’m not entirely sure the public should ever be given access to. We crawl along slowly but surely.

It’s after we’ve gone through the low-ceiling basement hallways past offices and storage and back up another set of staircases and are going through a back hallway of low-ranked functionary offices that someone comes along handing out the paperwork. “It’s an hour or so until you hit the office, but take the time to fill these out so you don’t have to do it there!”

We spend our time filling out the paperwork against walls, against backs, on stone floors, on books.

We enter one of the public areas, filled with displays and photos of City Hall Demonstrations of years past.

I take pictures of the big black and white photo of the Abraham Lincoln statue holding banners and signs against segregation and for civil rights.

The four year old boy we helped get inside runs past us around this time, chased by a blond haired girl about his own age, both perused by an exhausted looking teenager helplessly begging them to stop running.

Everyone is wet and exhausted and vibrating with anticipation and the building-wide aura of happiness that infuses everything.

The line goes into the marriage office. A dozen people are at the desk, shoulder to shoulder, far more than it was built to have working it at once.

A Sister of Perpetual Indulgence is directing people to city officials the moment they open up. She’s done up in her nun getup with all her makeup on and her beard is fluffed and be-glittered and on point. “Oh, I was here yesterday getting married myself, but today I’m acting as your guide. Number 4 sweeties, and -Congradulatiooooons!-“

The guy behind the counter has been there since six. It’s now 1:30. He’s still giddy with joy. He counts our money. He takes our paperwork, reviews it, stamps it, sends off the parts he needs to, and hands the rest back to us. “Alright, go to the Rotunda, they’ll direct you to someone who’ll do the ceremony. Then, if you want the certificate, they’ll direct you to -that- line.” “Can’t you just mail it to us?” “Normally, yeah, but the moment the courts shut us down, we’re not going to be allowed to.”

We take our paperwork and join the line to the Rotunda.

If you’ve seen James Bond: A View to a Kill, you’ve seen the San Francisco City Hall Rotunda. There are literally a dozen spots set up along the balconies that overlook the open area where marriage officials and witnesses are gathered and are just processing people through as fast as they can.

That’s for the people who didn’t bring their own wedding officials.

There’s a Catholic-adjacent couple there who seem to have brought their entire families -and- the priest on the main steps. They’re doing the whole damn thing. There’s at least one more Rabbi at work, I can’t remember what else. Just that there was a -lot-.

We get directed to the second story, northside. The San Francisco City Treasurer is one of our two witnesses. Our marriage officient is some other elected official I cannot remember for the life of me (and I'm only writing down what I can actively remember, so I can't turn to my husband next to me and ask, but he'll have remembered because that's what he does.)

I have a wilting lily flower tucked into my shirt pocket. My pants have water stains up to the knees. My hair is still wet from the rain, I am blubbering, and I can’t get the ring on my husband’s finger. The picture is a treat, I tell you.

There really isn’t a word for the mix of emotions I had at that time. Complete disbelief that this was reality and was happening. Relief that we’d made it. Awe at how many dozens of people had personally cheered for us along the way and the hundreds to thousands who’d cheered for us generally.

Then we're married.

Then we get in line to get our license.

It’s another hour. This time, the line goes through the higher stories. Then snakes around and goes past the doorway to the mayor’s office.

Mayor Newsom is not in today. And will be having trouble getting into his office on Tuesday because of the absolute barricade of letters and flowers and folded up notes and stuffed animals and City Hall maps with black marked “THANK YOU!”s that have been piled up against it.

We make it to the marriage records office.

I take a picture of my now husband standing in front of a case of the marriage records for 1902-1912. Numerous kids are curled up in corners sleeping. My own memory is spotty. I just know we got the papers, and then we’re done with lines. We get out, we head to the front entrance, and we walk out onto the City Hall steps.

It's almost 3PM.

00000

There are cheers, there’s rice thrown at us, there are hundreds of people celebrating us with unconditional love and joy and I had never before felt the goodness that exists in humanity to such an extent. It’s no longer raining, just a light sprinkle, but there are still no protestors. There’s barely even any news vans.

We make our way through the gauntlet, we get hands shaked, people with signs reading ”Congratulations!” jump up and down for us. We hit the sidewalks, and we begin to limp our way back to the BART station.

I’m at the BART station, we’re waiting for our train back south, and I’m sitting on the ground leaning against a pillar and in danger of falling asleep when a nondescript young man stops in front of me and shuffles his feet nervously. “Hey. I just- I saw you guys, down at City Hall, and I just… I’m so happy for you. I’m so proud of what you could do. I’m- I’m just really glad, glad you could get to do this.”

He shakes my hand, clasps it with both of his and shakes it. I thank him and he smiles and then hurries away as fast as he can without running.

Our train arrives and the trip south passes in a semilucid blur.

We get back to our car and climb in.

It’s 4:30 and we are starving.

There’s a Carls Jr near the station that we stop off at and have our first official meal as a married couple. We sit by the window and watch people walking past and pick out others who are returning from San Francisco. We're all easy to pick out, what with the combination of giddiness and water damage.

We get home about 6-7. We take the dog out for a good long walk after being left alone for two days in a row. We shower. We bundle ourselves up. We bury ourselves in blankets and curl up and just sort of sit adrift in the surrealness of what we’d just done.

We wake up the next day, Tuesday, to read that the California State Supreme Court has rejected the petition to shut down the San Francisco weddings because the paperwork had a misplaced comma that made the meaning of one phrase unclear.

The State Supreme Court would proceed to play similar bureaucratic tricks to drag the process out for nearly a full month before they have nothing left and finally shut down Mayor Newsom’s marriages.

My parents had been out of state at the time at a convention. They were flying into SFO about the same moment we were walking out of City Hall. I apologized to them later for not waiting and my mom all but shook me by the shoulders. “No! No one knew that they’d go on for so long! You did what you needed to do! I’ll just be there for the next one!”

00000

It was just a piece of paper. Legally, it didn’t even hold any weight thirty days later. My philosophy at the time was “marriage really isn’t that important, aside from the legal benefits. It’s just confirming what you already have.”

But maybe it’s just societal weight, or ingrained culture, or something, but it was different after. The way I described it at the time, and I’ve never really come up with a better metaphor is, “It’s like we were both holding onto each other in the middle of the ocean in the middle of a storm. We were keeping each other above water, we were each other’s support. But then we got this piece of paper. And it was like the ground rose up to meet our feet. We were still in an ocean, still in the middle of a storm, but there was a solid foundation beneath our feet. We still supported each other, but there was this other thing that was also keeping our heads above the water.

It was different. It was better. It made things more solid and real.

I am forever grateful for all the forces and all the people who came together to make it possible. It’s been twenty years and we’re still together and still married.

We did a domestic partnership a year later to get the legal paperwork. We’d done a private ceremony with proper rings (not just ones grabbed out of the husband’s collection hours before) before then. And in 2008, we did a legal marriage again.

Rushed. In a hurry. Because there was Proposition 13 to be voted on which would make them all illegal again if it passed.

It did, but we were already married at that point, and they couldn’t negate it that time.

Another few years after that, the Supreme Court finally threw up their hands and said "Fine! It's been legal in places and nothing's caught on fire or been devoured by locusts. It's legal everywhere. Shut up about it!"

And that was that.

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When I was in highschool, in the late 90s, I didn’t expect to see legal gay marriage until I was in my 50s. I just couldn’t see how the American public as it was would ever be okay with it.

I never expected to be getting married within five years. I never expected it to be legal nationwide before I’d barely started by 30s. I never thought I’d be in my 40s and it’d be such a non-issue that the conservative rabble rousers would’ve had to move onto other wedge issues altogether.

I never thought that I could introduce another man as my husband and absolutely no one involved would so much as blink.

I never thought I’d live in this world.

And it’s twenty years later today. I wonder how our line buddies are doing. Those babies who were running around the wide open rooms playing tag will have graduated college by now. The kids whose parents the one line-buddy was worried would see him are probably married too now. Some of them to others of the same gender.

I don’t have some greater message to make with all this. Other then, culture can shift suddenly in ways you can’t predict. For good or ill. Mainly this is just me remembering the craziest fucking 36 hours of my life twenty years after the fact and sharing them with all of you.

The future we’re resigned to doesn’t have to be the one we live in. Society can shift faster than you think. The unimaginable of twenty years ago is the baseline reality of today.

And always remember that the people who want to get married will show up by the thousands in rain that none of those who’re against it will brave.

#gay marriage #gay rights #gay history #gay

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