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herinsectreflection · 3 years

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I Don't Sleep on Bed of Bones: The Slayer as a Killer Across the Seasons

A pretty constant question throughout Buffy's arc - arguably the central question of the entire show, that Buffy must answer, is "what is a slayer? What does being The Vampire Slayer mean?". And a major part of that is the question of whether a slayer is just a killer. It's a question central to S5, but ripples throughout the rest of the show too, with some of the most iconic scenes in the show in converstion with each other around it. Inspired by an ask I received about this from @potterkid, I took a look at how this idea develops and resolves itself over the course of the show.

In S1, being the Slayer means accepting responsibility. It's metaphor for growing up - a metaphor that recurs throughout the show along with other ideas, but is strongest in S1. Buffy is torn between her teenage/human wants and her adult/supernatural responsibilities. She accepts her mortality and her duty (fighting the Master), and wins when she manages to integrate that with her personal desires (fighting the Master in a kickass prom dress with her friends and boyfriend). There's some stuff around the classic superhero idea that being around the hero is dangerous -e.g. in Never Kill a Boy on the First Date, but not much on the idea of a Slayer being a killer exactly.

In S2, being the Slayer means making hard choices. It means accepting that sometimes all your options are bad ones, but choosing one anyway, even at personal cost. This is introduced through Ford's story in Lie to Me, with Buffy's words to him forming one of the core thesis statements of the show ("You have a choice. You don't have a good choice, but you have a choice."), and it's climaxed beautifully in the tragic ending of Becoming. There's not much direct allusion to the idea of Buffy being a killer here, but this is a vital moment in that discussion. Ultimately, Buffy does make the decision here to kill Angel - not to slay Angelus, but to kill him. To take the life of her ensouled lover in order to save others. It's kind of the opposite of the decision that Ford makes - the best of two bad choices. It's the classic trolley problem, and Buffy's hand is on the lever by design - she has to make that choice because she's the Slayer. We will see this moment returned to again and again as this Slayer-vs-Killer theme develops.

Also, Ted is a very important episode for later. Buffy herself feels guilty specifically because she used her slayer powers on what she thinks is a regular human, and therefore killed him. Specifically, being the Slayer made her a Killer. It's also notable that this is where the idea of Buffy having a free reign to kill is first introduced - by Buffy's original shadow self in Cordelia no less.

Cordelia: I don't get it. Buffy's the Slayer. Shouldn't she have... Xander: What, a license to kill? Cordelia: Well, not for fun. But she's like this superman. Shouldn't there be different rules for her? - 2x12 Ted This isn't explored massively here but will be revisited again and again going forward.

S3 is where this theme really comes into focus. Faith enters as Buffy's shadow self and a representation of hedonism. How that manifests is as a Slayer who gives herself a license to Kill. She posits the idea that as slayers, they can and should decide who lives and dies.

Faith: Something made us different. We're warriors. We're built to kill. Buffy: To kill demons! But it does not mean that we get to pass judgment on people like we're better than everybody else! Faith: We are better! - 3x15 Consequences

Obviously, this is something that Buffy has to reckon with and fight against. But there is a glimmer of truth here, because at the end of S2, she does take the power of life and death into her own hands. She is faced with the choice between Angel and the world and decides that Angel should die. She had to, that's the position she has to be in because she is the Slayer. She has to be a Killer because she is a Slayer. So the two are intertwined.

More than this, Faith is someone who at least appears to revel in the kill. Up until now, we hadn't really seen Buffy enjoy being a slayer, but Faith does. Buffy is genuinely drawn to that, to slaying for pleasure. The equation of slaying/killing and sex for Buffy is first explicitly drawn by Faith in this season. ("Isn't it crazy how slaying always makes you hungry and horny?"). Slayers are very much like vampires in that respect, blurring the line between sex and death. In general, Faith introduces the idea that Buffy is drawn to killing - not just to protect people (the ideal of a Slayer), but for its own benefit. That's something that Buffy continues to struggle with going forward.

I have said before that Faith in S3 is an echo of Angel in S2, both in Buffy's relationship to them both and how that shifts mid-season, and in how it ends. In Graduation Day, Buffy again is given the power of life and death. This time, it's more personal - she can stop Angel dying by killing Faith. It's not such a straightforward (for want of a better word) decision as Angel .vs. the literal entire world, it's just the value of one life against the other. Another trolley problem, and it's not an easy choice, but it's still a choice. Just as she chose the lesser evil in killing Angel in S2, she kills the person filling the Angel role in S3. And this time, the choice is explicitly tied to the idea of being a Killer. Faith is set up as the person that Buffy could be in a slightly different world, and that person is a Killer, as Faith herself claims.

"What are you gonna do, B? Kill me? You become me. You're not ready for that, yet." - Faith Lehane, 3x17 Enemies

"You did it, B. You killed me." - Faith Lehane, 3x22 Graduation Day

In the act of choosing to pull the lever, Buffy has to kill. In the act of killing, she has become her dark mirror. In the act of defeating/becoming Faith, she becomes again the sole Slayer. Being a killer and a Slayer again intertwined. It's interesting here that she then makes the decision to feed herself to Angel. She unravels the trolley problem by throwing herself on the tracks. It's fascinating that between the dual trolley-problem finales of Becoming and The Gift, where in the first Buffy chooses to pull the lever, and in the latter she refuses and chooses a third option, Graduation Day exists in the middle as a stepping stone where she kind of does both.

The bulk of S4 is a little lighter on this theme, instead examining The Slayer as a role that must be juggled amongst a series of competing roles as Buffy's life as an adult becomes more fractured. There are flavours of it in Fear Itself, where Buffy fears that her friends will leave and her destiny lies with death and the dead, but otherwise not too much jumps out at me. Except, of course, for Restless, which is so heavy with this theme. It's one of the many reasons why I kind of consider Restless an honourary part of S5, as it's setting up the themes and arcs of S5 as much as it's wrapping up the like from S4.

RILEY: Hey there, killer.

BUFFY: We're not demons. ADAM: Is that a fact?

RILEY: Thought you were looking for your friends. Okay, killer...

TARA: I live in the action of death, the blood cry, the penetrating wound. I am destruction. Absolute ... alone. BUFFY: The Slayer. FIRST SLAYER: No friends! Just the kill.

OK, so SO much to unpack here. This is all within the under-10-minute sequence of Buffy's dream, and in that sequence she constantly shows a fear that she is in fact a "killer". It's clearly strong in her mind. Riley calls her "killer" multiple times, and Adam equates her with him, and with demonhood. I also find it very interesting how she responds to Tara's words, which are very literally describing the act of kiling ("the action of death...the blood cry...the penetrating wound"). She hears that and immediately identifies her as the Slayer, so slayerhood and killing are clearly bound up together in her mind.

Central to her concerns is the dichotomy between friendship and death. This was built up in Fear Itself, and it's central here. Riley and Sineya both frame it as a choice, between friendship and "the kill". This is a fear that Buffy has already, since S1, that her Slayer life will stop her ability to have a "normal" life of friends and family, but it also sets up her arc in S5 nicely. She chooses her friends over becoming a pure instrument of death in Restless, but that does not resolve her ongoing fears. They existed before and continue to dwell even more strongly in her mind, with words that both Sineya and Dracula repeat.

"You think you know ... what's to come ... what you are. You haven't even begun."

This sets the stage for S5, and her arc of choosing between family and being the Slayer. Friendship and family are presented as more of less one and the same a few episodes later in Family, and the choice Buffy is faced with in S5 is another trolley problem - the life of Dawn against the world. This time, it's more specifically tied to the Slayer/Killer dichotomy through the prophecy that Buffy is faced with ("Death is your gift"). This frames the similar choices she faced in Becoming and Graduation Day in the same light, with Buffy even specifically comparing this to the former.

BUFFY: I sacrificed Angel to save the world. I loved him so much. But I knew ... what was right. I don't have that any more. I don't understand. I don't know how to live in this world if these are the choices. If everything just gets stripped away. I don't see the point. I just wish that... I just wish my mom was here. The spirit guide told me that death is my gift. Guess that means a Slayer really is just a killer after all. - 5x22 The Gift

S5 is soaked in this Killer-vs-Slayer idea, and that's part of why I love it so much. It opens with Buffy having gained an appreciation of killing. She goes out not to patrol, but to hunt. To revel in the enjoyment of the kill, just as Faith did. There's also a constant theme of people identifying Buffy as a Killer. Importantly, it's a theme of her believing them. She knows that there is a kernel of truth there, and it develops from a subconcious worry in Restless to a more concrete fear in Intervention, where Buffy explicitly says that she is afraid that being the Slayer means losing her humanity and ability to love, and become nothing more than a "killer". Eventually, Buffy is so ground down by it that when The Gift rolls around, she simply accepts that the Slayer is "just a killer" as an inevitability.

BUFFY: Yeah, I prefer the term slayer. You know, killer just sounds so... DRACULA: Naked? - 5x01 Buffy vs Dracula

SPIKE: Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp. That look of peace. - 5x07 Fool for Love

FIRST SLAYER: Death is your gift. - 5x18 Intervention

I also like the way that Joyce is repeatedly linked to this idea. Buffy's response to Sineya points to Joyce's death as a rebuttal to the idea of death being a gift ("Death is not a gift. My mother just died. I know this."). Buffy talks about Joyce just before accepting that "a slayer is a killer" in The Gift. Spike's speech about Slayer's having a death wish comes immediately before Buffy finds out that Joyce is going into hospital. The idea of the Slayer as an instrument of death, killing every day, is juxtaposed against the mundane horror of what death is really like, as demonstrated in The Body. As the Slayer, Buffy must cause death, but this is what death looks like. It's hard and painful and mortal and stupid. Eventually Buffy reaches a point where she just can't do this anymore. She can't live in a world where she must choose to be a killer, because she understands death more now than ever.

It's here that the show explicitly connects the ideas of utilitarianism and being a killer. Buffy says that killing Dawn to save the world (and by association killing Angel to save the world, or killing Faith to save Angel), would make the Slayer "just a killer". This goes back to S3, and Faith arguing that the death of one innocent was washed out by the many people that they save, and that being Slayers gives them the right to make that calculation. Tara points to Giles in this episode, the voice of utilitarianism, and identifies him as a killer. Giles himself identifies himself as one when he kills Ben, and here draws a line between being a utilitarian/killer, and being a hero.

BEN: Need a ... a minute. She could've killed me. GILES: No she couldn't. Never. ... She's a hero, you see. She's not like us.

Some people criticise the moral absolutism of this, and could very justifiably argue that killing Ben, or even killing Dawn, would be the most moral thing in this situation. Who are we to say that Dawn's life is more valuable than the lives of a thousand other 14 year old girls, with families of their own that love them just as much as Buffy loves Dawn? But within the context of the show, I think it makes sense for them to reject utilitarianism. Buffy is a Sisyphean story. There will always be another apocalypse after this one is stopped. There will always be another impossible choice with innocent lives in the balance. Through that lens, the idea of "killing one to save a thousand" becomes meaningless, because there's a thousand apocalypses, and if you kill one to stop them all, then you've killed a thousand. That's how Buffy feels - she killed Angel, she killed Faith, now she has to kill Dawn? Where does it end? Eventually it all just gets stripped away, so what's the point? There's no winning move here. The only way to break the cycle is to change the game.

We should also keep in mind Buffy's words at the start of the episode. She fears that the Slayer is "just a killer", but she is also identified by the guy she saves in the alley in the opening scene as "just a girl". And Buffy agrees ("That's what I keep saying."). Buffy is The Vampire Slayer, which dictates that she must make these impossible choices, but she's also Buffy, which means she is a human being with the power of free will. She gets a choice - not a good choice, but a choice. As a human being, she can reject the options in front of her and find a third way. She can transform the whole game, and turn "Death is your gift" into an empowering statement. This was heavily foreshadowed of course - the Guide in Intervention outright stated that Buffy was full of love, and that "love will bring [her] to [her] gift". But it takes Buffy working through these fears and emotions and realising that she simply can't take Dawn's life. She chooses a new way. She avoids being a killer by rejecting utilitarian ethics. To paraphrase The Last Jedi, she wins by saving what she loves. Ultimately, she's not a killer, but a girl, a friend, a sister, a Slayer - a hero.

So season five is very much the climax and resolution of this theme. Very few themes ever disappear entirely from this show though, and this one continues to echo throughout the show. In S6, Buffy again fears she is slipping into darkness. That there is some kind of darkness that is innate within her. But where in S5 this was a fear that she recoiled from but at times seemed inevitable, in S6 it is something that she is drawn towards, that disgusts her but that she takes a kind of comfort in, because it's easier than facing the mundane reality of her depression.

This yearning for her own darkness takes the physical form of Spike, who she uses for what is basically sexual self-harm. Spike steps into Faith's role as Buffy's shadow self for much of the later seasons, and , and like Faith he represents killing as hedonism, and as sex. There's no vampire who so aggressively blurs the lines of sex and death/violence as Spike. Her fear that killing is part of her nature, and her fear of her own sexual desire, are very much one and the same. When she breaks down in Dead Things, she talks about the darkness within her, and of her shame over her own sexuality.

Spike also repeats Faith's utilitarian justifications from Consequences in the episode which forms the climax of Buffy's self-destruction, Dead Things. When Buffy attempts to metaphorically commit suicide by turning herself into the police, she does it while constantly identifying herself as a killed. She repeats some variation on "I killed her" four times in just two scenes. She wants to be punished for being a killer, and not protected for being the slayer. She has grappled with this several times, and is still resolute that being the slayer does not give her a license to kill, but this time she is desperate to be seen as a killer, to give justification for her own self-hatred.

The final way S6 explores this idea is with Willow. When she is after Warren, Buffy tries to stop her, not for Warren's sake but for Willow's. She knows that taking a life changes a person, and implicitly draws on the first time she chose to take a human's life, the moment she "became a killer" on that rooftop with Faith.

Buffy (re: going to kill Faith): I can't play kid games anymore. This is how she wants it. Xander: I just don't want to lose you. Buffy: I won't get hurt. Xander: That's not what I mean. - 3x21 Graduation Day

XANDER: She should be coming down at some point, shouldn't she? I mean, back there she was out of her head ... running on grief and magicks. BUFFY: Doesn't matter . Willow just killed someone. Killing people changes you. Believe me, I know. - 6x21 Two to Go Killing Warren might have been justified given what a complete piece of shit he was - just as killing Angel was justified, just as killing Faith was, just as killing Ben was. That doesn't matter, because Buffy still recognises that the act of killing leaves permanent psychological scars, which she is still bearing.

In S7, we get the final major exploration of the "does the Slayer have a right to kill" idea in Selfless. Here, Buffy seems to have reached the conclusion that Cordelia, Faith and Spike (all her shadow selves) were right, and she does, in fact, have the right to pass judgment because she's the Slayer, when she decides she has to kill Anya.

"It is always different! It's always complicated. And at some point, someone has to draw the line, and that is always going to be me. You get down on me for cutting myself off, but in the end the slayer is always cut off. There's no mystical guidebook. No all-knowing council. Human rules don't apply. There's only me. I am the law." - 7x05 Selfless

However, I don't think the show wants us to take this as gospel. Buffy is conclusively proved wrong in this episode, since killing Anya doesn't work, and it's Willow who finds a third option that saves the day. In S7, the idea of the Slayer-as-Killer is more an incidental theme, while the central exploration is the idea of "one girl in all the world". It explores the nature of that tragedy, that Buffy is by definition alone. Because of this, she necessarily must be a killer. She does have to pass judgement, because there is nobody else capable of it. She has to be the one to hunt and kill vampires. She has to face the choice to kill Angel, to kill Faith, to kill Dawn, to kill Anya.

This is where the theme ends up - as a tragic inevitability. Buffy must always make that choice. Making the selfless choice to kill her boyfriend doesn't stop it. Avoiding the choice and dying herself doesn't even stop it. That boulder just rolls down the hill again and again, and Buffy is the only one who can push it back up. The Slayer is a killer because the Slayer is alone. So the only way to break that cycle is for the Slayer to no longer be alone. There are still elements of The Slayer, and of Buffy as a person, that are linked to death and killing, but she has mostly made peace with those parts, and now can be free of having to be "the law" too.

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angelinasway · 3 years

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Regaining Hope

Chapter Eight

Pairing: Clark Kent/Buffy Summers Warnings/Triggers:Torture, Violence, Mention's of Major Character Death, Bad Language, Sexual Tension, Eventual Smut, Mentions of Sexual Assault Summary: Takes place during Man of Steel. When Buffy discovers the U.S Military trying to keep quiet about an object buried in a twenty thousand year old glacier, she immediately thinks the worst. However, when a surprise visit to the Canadian Arctic puts her in the path of a mysterious stranger her whole world is changed forever. Authors Notes: Thank you all so much for being so very supportive. You guys have been absolutely wonderful. Seriously I couldn't ask for a better group of readers. I need to warn you all that this chapter has quite the graphic and gruesome scene in it, so if that's not your thing I highly recommend skipping the part where Clark starts to watch the video. Some major questions answered here. Hope you all enjoy, and keep the reviews coming. Special thanks to my ever amazing beta Hipkarma. She always helps and inspires me. Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Previous Chapters: [Chapter One] [Chapter Two] [Chapter Three] [Chapter Four] [Chapter Five] [Chapter Six] [Chapter Seven]

[TTH] [AO3] [FFN]

Chapter Eight

Dawn smirked as she saw the caller ID flash. So, Buffy had talked to Wes. That was good. She really didn’t want to have to break into the Watchers Council just because she was nosy and worried for her sister. Buffy hadn’t told her much when they talked yesterday, just that there was some sort of prophecy about her and this Clark guy, which just raised all sorts of red flags for her. Dawn had insisted on seeing a copy of the prophecy and her hackles raised even more when she found out how quiet Wes and Willow were trying to keep this. Looks like big sis came through however, and now it was time to give the man on the other line hell for keeping something this important from her.

“Xand, honey, can you take Abby? Wes is on the phone and it’s time for her nap anyway.” Dawn said, reaching for the phone.

“No!” Her one and a half your old screeched at the top of her lungs, making Dawn cringe. When they coined the phrase, ‘children are your parents secret revenge,’ they weren’t lying. Abigail was just like her too, even in looks.

Xander came out of their shared office, a crooked and amused smile on his lips. “You should know by now not to say that word in front of her,” He said, kissing Dawn on the forehead before reaching out and swooping up their toddler. “Come on Abby,” he said as Dawn answered her call. “Daddy will read you your favorite story.”

“Try to get Joyce down too,” She added, before saying into the phone, “Hello Wes, so good of you to finally call me.”

She heard the groan on the other end of the line and smiled. “How much do you know?”

“That there’s a prophecy about my sister and some uber-powerful guy she’s been spending time with, on your instruction I might add.” Dawn said in a mockingly sweet voice.

She heard him sigh. “Yes, that is all true. Look Dawn, I’m going to send you a copy of the prophecy through your secure fax now. We’ve been able to translate some of it, but there are certain areas where…I don’t think the language is of this world. It’s nothing like we’ve ever seen in any human or demon writings before.”

Dawn got up and walked into the office, a frown on her face. “You mean like interdimensional, there’s gotta be a reference somewhere Wes.”

There was silence over the line and for a second and she thought Wes had hung up. She’d just opened her mouth to see if he was still there, when he finally said, “No Dawn, that’s not what I meant at all.”

Her frown deepened as the first page spat out of the machine. She slid it off the rack and looked at the prophecy. There were several different languages written on the copy, Etruscan, Ancient Sumerian, Ancient Greek, and Latin. At the top were strange symbols unlike anything she’d ever seen before, almost flowing together like cursive. The next page that came out was Wesley and Willow’s translation of that page. She bit her lip, walking over to her desk and went to work making sure what they had translated so far was correct.

“So,” she began casually, “what I’m getting from the first page is that this guy is much farther from home than just another dimension.” She paused, huffing in annoyance as she snootily added,” It was Sun God by the way, not Star God.” She sighed. “Who are you using anyway, Basile?”

“Vonten,” He answered and Dawn rolled her eyes. Of course, he was using that moron’s guide.

“Vonten is an arrogant prick Wes, that book confuses people more than it helps. Burn it, it’s better as kindling. Bachman is the best at Etruscan and Ancient Sumerian, and you already know Ancient Greek and Latin enough not to need a reference.” She said, before frowning as she came to the part about the soulbond. “Wes, what the hell is a soulbond, and why is this referencing my sister and Mr. E.T. having one?”

As Wesley began to explain what they knew so far, Dawn's face began to pale. Oh, this was not of the good. Buffy was gonna wig to the nth degree when she found out.

"Does she know any of this?" Dawn asked, turning around and grabbing more of the pages that were still spitting out of her printer.

"She knows about the bond. I told her this morning." He answered.

"And what, you’re waiting until she gets pregnant before you tell her the rest?" Dawn asked angrily. "You know this is gonna freak her out..."

"Which is why I decided not to tell her." Wes interrupted.

"If you'd let me finish," Dawn snapped, slamming her hand on the desk. "I was going to say this is gonna freak her out, but it would be better if you tell her now." She huffed in frustration. "This just proves how little you guys know my sister. She absolutely will freak and she'll probably fight it at first. Just the idea of her own children having to live the life she has, is not gonna be a happy, joyous moment for her. She's already worried that Joyce or Abby, or maybe even both will be called one day.” Dawn said, before emphasizing her next words, "However, my sister is not stupid, and when push comes to shove, she'll make the right decision like she always does. I get that you’re worried about the Slayer line Wes, we all are, but keeping this from her is not the right way to go about it.”

She heard Wes’s sigh, “I realize that Dawn, but with the bond itself needing to be fulfilled, I thought that was more than enough for both of them to handle at this time.”

Dawn looked at the pages covered in the strange flowing script, similar to the symbols on the first page. Wes was right, it was a language. "We need to find a way to translate this. Do you think this is Clark's language from his home world?"

The line was silent for a moment, before he said in annoyance, “Yes, that’s what I meant when I said I don’t think the language is of this world.”

“Do you think Clark knows how to read it?” Dawn asked.

A sigh came over the line, “I honestly don’t know. I believe he just discovered where he came from, so I don’t see how he could.” He paused in thought and then murmured to himself, “But even if he can’t, perhaps the ship has a historical archive or maybe there is some form of AI technology that could translate it for us.”

Dawn frowned, “What ship?”

As Wesley explained how Buffy and Clark met and the danger Buffy had recklessly put herself in, Dawn found her ire sparking at Buffy’s stupidity. “I’m gonna kill her!” Dawn growled. “She hasn’t done something that reckless since Joyce was born. God fucking dammit, she promised me!”

Wesley sighed. “In her defense, it could have very well been her fate that made her act so rashly.” He paused before saying, “In any case, Clark was there and according to Buffy, he saved her and watched over her after she went into a healing sleep.”

Dawn was quiet as she processed that information. So, she didn’t die, which meant Buffy actively tried to stop it from happening. That was good, she was still getting smacked when Dawn saw her, but at least she hadn’t completely broken her promise from three and a half years ago. It was also good to see that this godlike Champion the prophecy spoke of wasn’t just a creature with a penchant for destruction playing at being a white hat because of a curse. That was a nice change.

“What else do you know about him?” Dawn asked. “I’m assuming you started trying to find him as soon as you started translating this.”

“Well,” Wesley began, “We first caught wind of a possible candidate about a year ago. We’d been monitoring airwave chatter for possible beings with superhuman strength when we caught a lead. A distress call came in about an oil rig off the coast of Canada in flames and about to explode. In that communication there was talk of a man rescuing the crew members aboard the rig and preventing the tower from collapsing on the rescue helicopter with his bare hands.” He paused for a moment, before saying. “We managed to find a few other incidents of him saving people, one that happened when he was thirteen. According to the incident report, his school bus went off a bridge and into the river. Three witnesses stated that a young Clark Kent managed to push the bus out of the water and rescue his classmate.”

Dawn whistled, “So this guy really is the real deal white knight, huh?”

“It would appear so.” He sighed.

“Wes we’re gonna need to access that ship.” Dawn said, looking over a small section of Sumerian that talked about a trial of choice. The rest of the page was in the alien script however, so any clue as to what that meant was beyond her.

“I know,” Wesley agreed.

“Which means, we’re gonna have to tell Buffy and Clark everything.” Dawn reiterated.

She heard Wesley groan, but he conceded nonetheless. “Alright fine, Willow needs to bring them some pendants to stave off the worst of the compulsion the bond is creating. I’ll have her stop by and get you on her way, unless you want me to tell Buffy myself, that is.”

Dawn shook her head, “No, no. I think it will be safer for everyone if I’m the one to do it.” Then she bit her lip in thought, “And don’t bother with Willow, just call me when she gets back. I think I need to do this one on my own.”

“Very well,” Wes agreed. “Willow should be finished within the next few hours. I’ll call you as soon as I know she’s returned.”

“Alright, in the meantime I’m gonna go over this and make sure all the parts I can read are translated correctly.” Dawn said, adding, "Talk in a few," before hanging up.

She sighed, rubbing her fingers along her forehead. "Well fuck," she muttered to herself.

"Everything alright?" Xander asked, coming into the office.

"No, not really," she answered handing him the translated first page of the prophecy.

She watched his eye scan the words before he blew out a breath. "So, this guys an alien?"

"Looks like." She answered.

Xander snorted, "Man the Buffster really knows how to pick 'em, doesn't she?"

Dawn mock glared, before she couldn't contain her amusement at the absurdity of the situation. "Well, you know Buffy. She doesn't do anything by halves."

****<S>**<S>****

As Clark followed Buffy down the hallway, his thoughts were a jumbled mess. He knew she had been trying to reassure him, but her words only had the opposite effect. Were they only feeling any of what they were because of the prophecy and furthermore, given the choice, would she even choose him? She had basically confessed to falling in love with her best friend. The history they had both shared, as disturbing as it was, was an important one to her. She had cared very deeply for this man. How could he ever live up to the memory of a man who had essentially changed a piece of himself for her? Part of him wanted to erase Spike’s memory from her mind, to do whatever he could to drive this man, this demon from her past and another part of him just felt wholly lost. He didn’t want to be anyone’s second best and he certainly didn’t want her to want him only because some guy thousands of years ago decided they were destined. God, he wished his dad was still alive. This would definitely be the type of thing his dad could help him through.

She stopped at a large set of double doors and turned, catching his expression before he had time to school it into a much more neutral one. She blinked in surprise, "Clark...what’s wrong?"

He shook his head, “It’s nothing Buffy.”

Her frown deepened, “Oh no, you definitely have something face. Talk to me. I promise whatever it is, I’ll try to understand.”

Clark shifted uncomfortably, before finally admitting, “I’m just feeling a little unsure about all this.”

Her eyes widened slightly, “Because of Spike?”

Clark sighed, “Well I mean think about it Buffy. You basically told me that you fell in love with your best friend and were willing to marry him for eternity, but the only reason you didn’t is because you were too scared. Would you even look twice at me if he was here now? Are the feelings I’m having for you even real, or is this just destiny trying to force us together?”

Realization flooded her expression, and she quickly shook her head. “I can’t speak for what-ifs, because I would be lying if I answered that either way…” She swallowed, “As for how you’re feeling, I’ve been under love spells before and granted you usually don’t know you’re under one when you are, but if the feeling’s part was being fabricated, we…we wouldn’t be able to fight this like we are. We would have probably already slept together.” She blushed, looking down. “Fabricated feelings they’re false obviously, but they’re very strong…strong enough to make people dangerous. If what we were feeling was a manifestation, you wouldn’t have these doubts Clark, you wouldn’t even realize there was doubts to be had.” She met his eyes then, her expression serious and stoic. “And as for the fear part, I didn’t want to get into it because…” She sighed again. “You remember how I told you that Angelus showed up right when I was starting to get my life back together?”

Clark nodded, “I remember.”

“Well, what I didn’t say is that I was planning on retiring.” She rolled her eyes, “I had this grand plan of going back to school and getting a degree in Art History and moving to Hawaii to open a gallery.” She shook her head, “It was stupid, I know.”

He immediately shook his head, “That doesn’t sound stupid at all.”

Buffy blushed. “I just mean it was stupid that I ever thought it could happen.” She shook her head, “Anyway, I started training a girl named Rayanne when we were first getting the new Watchers Council on its feet. She was bright, witty, resourceful and she already had the makings of someone who could be an excellent leader.” She looked at her feet, her hands clenching. “Me and Giles had agreed, in three-years-time, when Ray was eighteen, she would step in and fill my shoes. Faith didn’t want the position and the only other possible candidate that actually did, I flat out refused due to her inability to get along with just about anyone but Willow. I mentored Ray for over a year and she became…well, like a little sister to me. After the whole General Voll fiasco, I was ready to promote her to Senior Slayer status. She had been on it more than any other girl at the compound, helpful and demanding when need be. She’d fought through a horde of zombies and we came out of it with zero losses. The attack was completely unexpected and if she hadn’t been there, I don’t know what I would have done.” She met his eyes, “I was so proud of her.” Buffy sighed, “A few months later is when the first girl, Alicia went missing, and by the time Ray disappeared, there were already six that seemed to have just dropped off the planet.” She swallowed, “Angelus revealed himself and killed Giles a few weeks later, and almost three weeks after is when we found Alicia. She was the first and youngest to go missing and she was the first he dropped on our doorstep.” Buffy shook her head squeezing her eyes shut, “I knew what he was doing to Rayanne then, and that she would probably get the worst of it because of her association with me. Alicia was just a taste of what Angelus was capable of.” She opened her eyes, meeting his. “I wanted to have Spike claim me so we would be strong enough to save her and the rest of them, and I was scared because I knew I’d be asking for the wrong reasons. I was afraid Spike would know it too and I would only hurt him by asking. Does that make sense?”

It was Clark’s turn to avert his eyes. “Yes,” he said quietly.

She pulled out her phone and began to scroll through it, “Well just in case you have any doubts…” She swallowed, “I don’t even know why I kept this. Angelus loved tormenting me and we didn’t know it at the time but there were several Watchers from the old regime who were very unhappy with the way we were running things. Some of them made deals with Angelus, gave out my email and phone number and my location.” She looked at him, her lips pursed in anger. “One of them would even take video or pictures, documenting my pain for him when he couldn’t be there hiding in the shadows to see it.” She handed him her phone, “I’ve never watched this one, it’s the morning I found Rayanne, he saved her for last. I don’t need to see it, I lived it.” She nodded at her phone, “When he sent it, I didn’t even open it. I just dropped it in an archive and it’s been there ever since.” She shook her head, “I highly recommend only opening the third video file, the one that says, ‘Are you broken yet?’ She met his eyes then, “The first two will be what he did to her. So, unless you feel like throwing up, I would skip those.” She gestured with her chin at the double doors. “I’ll be in there beating on a bag, meet me when you’re done.”

She turned without another word and went through the double doors not looking back. Clark looked down at the phone swallowing heavily, before opening the file. The video began with the image of the front of a house, not unlike the one they were in now, except there was a large tree in front and something very obviously dangling from it. It looked to be sometime in the middle of the night or perhaps early morning, but he couldn't tell either way due to the lights on the house illuminating everything.

The person carrying the camera ran towards the house and a refined British voice in distress yelled, "Ms. Summers, come quickly. I think it may be Miss Stevenson."

The front door flew open and there she was, except she looked nothing like she did now, her eyes were wild, feral even, and she was so pale and sucked up. She looked hollow, worn-down, nothing like the girl he’d spent the last couple of days getting to know. The scream that tore from her lips and the look on her face when she saw what was hanging from the tree, tore through him like a tidal wave of emotion. Clark felt himself growing angry at the Watcher, who was obviously playing both sides. Another man with bleached hair and nothing on but a pair of black jeans came flying through the door next, his eyes wild and worried.

The camera panned and followed Buffy as she ran out to the tree, falling to her knees and screaming again. Clark saw what was in the tree then and his stomach almost rebelled right then and there. It was a young girl, no older than sixteen and the only skin left on her body was on her beautiful face and near her pelvic region. The girl’s expression was frozen in a horrified scream that no one who cared ever had the chance to hear. A large white sheet wrapped itself tightly around the girl’s wrists and tied over the lowest branch, the excess linen draping behind the dead girl as some sort of sick backdrop silhouette for the body hanging lifelessly from the tree. There was hardly any blood to speak of, just a pinkish residue from where the body had touched the clean white linen, which told Clark she had been dead for more than a few hours. It wouldn’t be visible to a human through the recording, but because of his enhanced vision Clark could even see puncture wounds in places and deep gashes from where the girl had been restrained.

The blond man came into the picture then and the Watcher came towards them, circling around so he could see Buffy’s expression, or at least that’s what he assumed the person with the camera was doing. Buffy's mouth was open in silent gulping sobs, giant tears dripping down her cheeks.

“Love,” The blond man whispered in an apparent British accent not nearly as refined as the Watchers Clark had heard so far. The man fell to his knees behind her looking up at the tree. He shuddered as tears sprang to his electric blue eyes. “Don’t look Buffy…please kitten, please go back in the house.”

The man placed his hand on her shoulder, and Buffy turned at the gesture and Clark could no longer see her face as she flung herself into the man’s arms and began to sob harder. “It’s Ray,” she howled. “Oh god, it’s Ray.”

“Shh,” The blond man hushed, rubbing hands along her back in a comforting gesture. “I know,” He choked. “I know, love.”

“We…we can’t leave her like that.” She sobbed. “I-I have to get her down.”

Clark watched the blond man close his eyes and shake his head, “I’ll do it. Go back in the house, please Slayer.”

“No,” Buffy shook her head as Clark caught the silhouette of another man flying from the house and over to them. The sound of retching could be heard, and it took Clark a second to realize the sound came from whomever had just come from the house and seen the body. “It has to be me. Don’t you see, don’t you get it? I knew,” she sobbed. “I knew what he was doing to her and I didn’t do anything.”

“Oh, sweet girl, you’ve been trying to find her. We all have. This isn’t your fault.” The man choked.

“It’s not good enough,” She screamed, shoving away from him and falling on her rear, “And it is my fault, all of it! They were called because of me, because I was too chicken shit to just except the power that was offered to me!”

A sob broke from her lips, and she turned looking directly at the cameraman a sudden realization dawning in her hollow eyes. “You!” She snarled, her eyes flashing. “It’s you, isn’t it?” She started marching towards the cameraman.

“Ms.…Ms. Summers,” Whomever was holding the camera stuttered and then she was there, a well-aimed kick flying towards the camera before Clark saw sky for a few seconds.

“I’ll kill you, you son of a bitch!” She screamed suddenly hovering over the man, the wild fury in her eyes telling Clark that she had every intention of killing this man, and part of Clark couldn’t agree more. “No one else but an Angelus minion would have called me out here for Rayanne! Everyone else would know better!”

Clark watched as she threw a punch, the sickening sound of cartilage breaking ringing through the speaker as the guy howled in pain. The way her arms were angled next and the gurgling sound through the phone told him she was choking the man before three sets of arms suddenly grabbed her, pulling her off. Clark could hear the man wheeze as he tried to catch his breath while Buffy screamed and fought the three people who had pulled her away. Faith was one of them, and then the blond man, which Clark was pretty sure by now was Spike, and another man, tall, brunet, with an eyepatch. He saw Willow in the distance coming towards them and when she reached them, she touched Buffy’s shoulder before she could react and muttered a few words that sounded like Latin. Buffy suddenly collapsed and Clark realized Willow had put her to sleep. All eyes then turned towards the cameraman.

“Get her in the house, Xander.” Spike growled.

“Uh, Spike–” Xander started to say when Spike turned on him.

“Get her in the bloody fucking house, now!” He snarled, a sound like grinding bone emanating from the man as his voice altered to something more sinister. “I’m not going to kill him.” He said turning back towards the camera as two glowing amber eyes stared at Clark.

“Speak for yourself,” Faith said marching towards the man. “I’ve been getting those fucking emails too.”

“So have I,” Willow said, her eyes black as she stared the camera down.

“We won’t have to kill him,” Spike clarified as he fell in step with Faith. “Angelus will do that for us.”

“How you figure?” Faith asked, her eyes just as enraged as Buffy’s had been.

Spike suddenly sprung forward, his arm reaching out and a ripping sound emanated as the man screamed. His hand came back with what looked like a wad of hair. “This enough Red?”

“Plenty,” Willow said, sudden realization dawning in her black eyes.

“Now,” Spike said, a sinister grin stretching his fanged mouth, to the whimpering man. “The way I figure it, you got three options. The first being, you can go back to Angelus and give him this tape, at which point he finds out we now have a way to track you, and oh trust me Marcus, he will most definitely kill you for that.” Clark heard the man begin to sob, and part of him wanted to turn off the video at that point but couldn’t look away at the furious amber eyes that stared back at the camera. “Option number two, you can destroy the tape and run, which if we’re being honest would be the preferable of the three, but I’m sure you are well aware of the kind of wrath he would bring down on you if he didn’t get to see his almost masterpiece complete, so I’m sure you won’t.” Spike’s hand suddenly flew forward and the man screamed in pain, “Or option three,” He growled, “Where you run like a coward and keep the tape for leverage, hoping that your usefulness hasn’t run its course.”

He suddenly had the camera in his hands, staring directly into the screen his eyes burning into the lens. “Looks like your mole got ousted. This is your last one, Angelus. We’re coming for you and when we’re done there won’t be anything left.” The screen suddenly went black as the video cut off.

Clark let out a trembling breath looking around him and realizing he had slid to the floor at some point, his heart pounding in his chest. God, he didn’t know, he didn’t understand until that moment. That poor girl, no wonder Buffy was desperate. How many girls did she find like that before this one was left for her? How many videos did she force herself to endure before this one was sent, even Faith and Willow had said this wasn’t the first one? Clark squeezed his eyes shut, she had told him, so had Gunn but to see it. She was driven half-crazy by what that vampire had done and he could not blame her for that. What would he do if it was his mother in that position? God, he could only imagine.

He shakily got to his feet, listening as he heard the sound of a fist hitting leather, he walked to the doors and threw them open, not stopping when she paused to look at him. He had to reassure himself that she was okay, that she wasn’t that angry creature that he saw in the video. He went straight to her, his arms coming around her in a crushing embrace before his lips met hers. God, she was so strong, he didn’t realize how much until that moment. Buffy immediately melted into him, her lips parting for him as he slid his tongue into her mouth. She was such a small woman, everything about her was deceptively tiny, except her strength and fortitude both physically and emotionally. To go through what she had and still be able to function on a normal level was just short of a miracle.

He pulled away and looked down into her green eyes, haunted by her past but not dead and hateful like in the video. He bent down and laid his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “I…” He started, “I didn’t…I’m so sorry Buffy.” He whispered, and he could still feel himself trembling. “I didn’t… You hear words like torture, rape, and murder but–”

“They’re not real until you see it for yourself.” She finished in understanding.

Clark sighed, hugging her closely, her head resting against his chest. “I get it now, not…but I understand how desperate you must have been to try and save the girls from that.”

He heard her sniffle, “I didn’t know what else to do. I watched all the others you know, even…even what he did to them. It was my fault, you see; those girls lost their lives because they had a connection to me.” She shook her head, “If they hadn’t been called, they would still be alive today.”

Clark pulled away and used his hand to raise her chin so he could see her eyes, “You blame yourself for every one of them that dies no matter how it happens, don’t you?”

She closed her eyes a shuddering breath hissing through her lips, before she opened them, meeting his gaze head on. “How can I not?”

He sighed, hugging her close again and shook his head. He had no response to that; he didn’t think she should. He didn’t think it was healthy, but he didn’t want to get in an argument about it with her right now either.

They stayed like that for a little while before she whispered, “You’re shaking.”

Clark nodded. “I know, the video…I’m still upset.”

She pulled away, meeting his eyes again. “Do you want me to show you how to throw a punch properly? The heavy bags have been warded well, we can start there.” She looked down, “It will…it will help relieve some of what you’re feeling at least.”

“Yeah,” He nodded in agreement. “Yeah, okay.”

****<S>**<S>****

To say Clark was a fast learner when it came to training would have been the understatement of the year. He was an absolute natural. He moved with precision and grace, sometimes striking so fast she almost didn't see him move.

As of now she was simply holding the bag for him as he got comfortable with the rhythm of landing punches and even with the wards on the bag, she could feel the impact of his strikes. At this rate she would need her suit within a few days to let him get the feel of fighting a moving target. At some point she might even bring him back to Cleveland to put him up against multiple fighters and see how he did.

"Remember to move your feet,” She reminded. "A moving target is harder to hit."

He nodded, bounced on the balls of his feet and struck, the impact of the punch making her bones rattle. "Whoa, nice one Clark." She laughed, "Felt that one in my toes."

He grinned, striking the bag again harder. "You were right," he said casually in between punches. "This does help."

She grinned, "Nothing like getting your aggression out with a bit of violence." And then she blushed, smirking, "Well almost nothing."

He chuckled as he threw a few more punches in quick succession, his own smirk forming on his lips. He had a mischievous look in his eyes and had just opened his mouth to comment when Buffy’s phone rang.

Buffy sighed, releasing the bag. "That will either be Wes or Willow."

It was now around three in the afternoon; Clark had told her he had to pick his mom up at six and it was an hour drive to Smallville from where they were. So, she was grateful that they were going to be able to get this taken care of before meeting his mom.

Buffy walked over to her phone and answered. "Hey Wes," she said in greeting. "What's the haps?"

He was silent for a moment and she could almost hear him roll his eyes at her butchering of the English language. "Willow," He began, "should be there shortly. Dawn would also like to see you. I told her I would call her once Willow was done securing the pendants."

Buffy frowned, “What? Why?”

“Dawn and I have come to the conclusion that one of the languages in the prophecy that I have been unable to identify, is most likely written in the script of Clark’s home world.” He paused, “We are going to need access to the ship, unless of course Clark can read it.”

Buffy looked at Clark and raised an eyebrow, but he quickly shook his head. “Only a few words,” He confirmed. “I think the computer on the ship might be able to translate it though.”

“That’s a negative, Wes,” Buffy answered, beginning to pace. “But he agrees that the computer on the ship should be able to do the job.”

“Very well, I’ll inform Dawn to dress accordingly. The ship is still in the same location I presume?” He asked.

“Whoa,” Buffy said halting her steps, realizing what he was suggesting. “You want us to go tonight? Clark has to pick up his mom from work, Wes.”

“I think it would be for the best. The sooner we get this prophecy translated, the better.” He paused. “Lorne told me I needed to send out more Slayers to India, Kansas, and Metropolis within the next two weeks and I would very much like to know if I should be sending two or a few hundred. If this prophecy gives any indication of what’s to come, I would very much like to know what it is.”

Buffy and Clark exchanged worried looks. “He only told me something was coming for Clark, and we’re gonna need all hands-on deck when it does.”

Buffy watched Clark swallow nervously. “He told me my time for hiding was almost up, but he said it was in the coming month.” His eyes widened in realization. “We need to translate that prophecy.”

Buffy nodded in agreement, “And I need to train you harder than just beating on a bag, which means it’s gonna be eight-hour days from here on out.” Clark opened his mouth to argue and she held up her hand, “We’ll get as much as we need to do in the mornings done, but if for whatever reason we can’t, I would loan you the money before I would let you lose your home.”

Clark frowned, “Buffy–”

“Take it from someone who knows what those kinda money troubles feel like,” She interrupted again. “I think in the scheme of things saving the world is a little more important than pride, don’t you?”

His frown deepened. “You think it’s going to be that big?”

“Lorne said all hands-on deck and it’s you. Someone coming after you has got to be as powerful, if not more.” She watched his face fall and reached out her hand out running it down his arm, “You’ll be ready, and now that we have a general idea of where this stuff might take place, we’ll all be even more prepared.”

“Wes,” she said, addressing the Watcher once more. “Were gonna need Willow to keep close, and I would call Illyria back from Cairo.”

“I agree,” Wesley said, just as a portal opened up and Willow walked through. Her smile melting away at the look on both Buffy and Clark’s faces.

“Uh-oh,” Willow said nervously. “I know that face.”

“Is that Willow?” Wesley asked over the line.

“Yeah,” Buffy said.

“Let me speak with her, please.”

Buffy held out the phone to Willow, who frowned but took it anyway. “Hey Wes,” Willow said in greeting as Buffy walked over to where Clark was standing looking more than a little worried.

“Hey,” she said quietly.

He attempted to smile but he couldn’t pull it off. “Hey, yourself.”

She bit her lip watching him, seeing the turmoil play across his face of having an unknown enemy out there that could be responsible for hurting others when they decided to rear their ugly heads. She didn’t blame him, if she needed to pull out her big guns as Lorne hinted then it could definitely get bad. She was optimistic however, because of what she’d had to face in her past. Clark didn’t have that same luxury.

“I-I know you’re not exactly used to going up against big bads, or having to fight gods,” she started. “But I promise you Clark, no matter what it is we’ll deal with it together. Tonight, I’ll have my sister meet us at your place and we’ll go to the ship and find out what this prophecy says. Whatever’s coming, we’ll deal. I promise you; we won’t lose.”

“How do you know?” He asked, a bit of hope showing in his eyes.

She stared at him seriously, “Because I don’t lose when it’s the world.”

His lips quirked slightly, and he opened his mouth to say something when Willow walked up to them. “Wes wants me to fit you for a suit,” She said to Clark, handing Buffy her phone before saying, “And, he wants to talk to you.”

As Buffy reached for the phone Clark said, “I already have a suit and it’s Kryptonian.”

Both Buffy and Willow blinked in surprise at his words, their voices ringing out in unison. “You do?”

He nodded, “Yeah, it’s on the ship still, but I have one.”

Willow smiled, “Well then, that’s gonna make this quicker. Can you bring it to me? I can enhance it with magic, add some safety features and protect you against the mystical.”

“Will that still work, even if the material isn’t of Earth?” He asked.

“Yeah Wes,” Buffy finally said into her phone, pulling herself away from the conversation. So, Clark already had a suit, she wondered what it looked like.

“So, for the time being I’m going to send fifty Slayers to each location, but keep the others on standby incase things go pear-shaped.” He said, already planning ahead. “I’ll also be moving quite a few closer to all three locations, that way all the girls have backup nearby. I think Willow should stay there at the safehouse that way she’s not far from either of you.”

“And Dawn, Xander, and the kids? They live in Metropolis after all.” Buffy asked.

“Perhaps you should explain the situation to her when she gets there. Staying there at the safe house with Willow might also be a wise move for them.” Wes said, adding, “As well as a few Slayers. I know Faith’s been itching to get out of Cleveland for a mission, maybe she and a few of the other girls should accompany her.”

“Just as long as it’s not Tanya, that girl’s a liability and she doesn’t listen to anyone.” Buffy said.

“I concur,” Wesley agreed. “Only the girls who are focused and dedicated will be allowed to participate in this mission. I would like as little casualties as possible.”

“I agree,” Buffy nodded, “What about the mystics, how many of those can we tap?”

“I have sixty-eight on file, I’ll start making phone calls now.” He sighed. “I’m just glad we have this much to go on.”

“Me too,” Buffy agreed. “I’ll call Dawn when Willow gets done here and tell her where to meet us and to put on her suit and a warm hat.”

“Very well,” he said. “Call me when you know more and I’ll begin the preparations.”

Buffy hung up, walking back over to Willow and Clark as they spoke to each other a bit awkwardly. “So, let’s get this over with Wills.”

Willow quickly nodded opening a small bag she brought with her. “So,” she said quickly. “These were a bit difficult to make since from what we’ve read the compulsion itself seems to be based purely on hormones as well as a need to unite your souls.” She looked at them both, “It took me a little while to find what I needed and even longer to put the spell together.” She sighed, “The pendants themselves will be made out of several crystals used to block compulsion, amethyst, ametrine, chrysocolla, and ruby.”

Willow pulled out two small corked vials filled with multicolored stones and handed them to both Buffy and Clark. “Now, hold out your hands and link your free ones together.”

Buffy and Clark did as she asked, holding their hands out palm up. Willow placed a vial in each of their hands and then covered them with her own hands, closing her eyes and beginning to chant. Buffy immediately began to feel her hand heat up and for a second it almost became unbearable and Buffy even watched Clark wince from the heat. It was gone just as quickly however and in its place were two hard looking marble like multicolored stones with a dark metallic chain that would hang from each of their necks. Buffy heard Willow mutter one more spell that she recognized to be a ward against breaking.

“Well go on.” Willow said smiling happily at her work. “Try them on, see if it worked.”

Buffy quickly slipped the necklace over her head and a sigh of relief left her lips. The sexual tension that had never fully abated her all day finally easing enough to where she wasn’t thinking about sex every few seconds.

Clark had a similar reaction, his face seeming to ease slightly, but Buffy was surprised when he turned to Willow and asked, “You said the compulsion is only based on hormones, does that mean any feeling we have that aren’t sexual are real?”

Willow nodded, “Of course, real love is something that can only be based off of free will. Its why love spells don’t ever work. You can’t force someone to love you.”

Buffy watched amused as Clark seemed to sigh in relief, and then quickly blushed when he noticed her watching him. “Come on stud,” she said hooking her arm through his and dragging him towards the door of the training room. “Let me go grab my stuff before we go get your mom,” a grin creeping over her face as she turned and wished Willow a good night and a promise to catch up tomorrow. “And for the record”, she added quietly as they walked out of the training room. “I still want to jump you, that hasn’t changed even with the necklace on.”

He quickly reached out to grab her arm, but she easily dodged him and took off down the hallway, a blush and a giggle leaving her lips.

Clark was suddenly there in front of her, a crooked and devilish smile on his lips. “Is that so?” And then his lips were on hers, his tongue sliding into her mouth as she squealed in surprise.

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duchessofbuffonia17 · 3 years

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I rewatched The Gift recently and it just made me realize how glad I am that it was picked up for two more seasons and didn’t end after season 5. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love season 5 and I think The Gift is one of if not the best season finale in the series, but as a series finale it is incredibly bleak and depressing. Leading up to The Gift it is clear that Buffy is struggling with a lot of stress and grief from the events of the season and pretty much has a breakdown after Glory takes Dawn. She is also feeling increasingly detached from her emotions and worries that she is unable to love because of her slayerhood (thanks for that insecurity Riley go fuck yourself). She believes this idea to be confirmed when the first slayer tells her “death is your gift” meaning being a slayer is being a killer and that is all she is. She internalizes this idea which serves as a crux for her catatonia as she believes she killed Dawn when Glory took her because that is all she is and because for a moment she wished for all the stress and anxiety over Dawn and Glory to be over. So to recap, we go into The Gift with Buffy still believing her only purpose in life is to be a killer (yikes) and crumbling under the anxiety, stress, and grief of the season. It is heavily implied that Buffy’s jump from the tower was not merely a sacrifice but a suicide. Buffy said earlier in the episode “I don’t know how to live in this world if these are the choices. If everything just gets stripped away.” To me at least, this heavily implies that Buffy is experiencing suicidal ideation and fulfills that by jumping from the tower while simultaneously saving the world in a heroic act. Even if we do not interpret Buffy’s jump from the tower as suicidal, it is still incredibly sad because of her new understanding of the phrase, “death is your gift.” Instead of thinking that her only purpose in life is to kill she now believes that her only purpose in life is to die and therefore fulfills it by jumping off the tower. She believes that she exists only to die for others so that they can live and be happy but that her own life and happiness do not matter. That’s some of the saddest shit I have ever heard especially when the slayerhood = adulthood metaphor is applied (though slayerhood as a metaphor changes meaning throughout the series so it may not be useful to use it here). And while I don’t have a problem with bleak and depressing story arcs (season 6 is my favorite season followed closely by 5) as an end to Buffy Summers, a character I adore and one who consistently rejects what is expected of slayers by having friends and defying the council and a show that attempts to subvert audience expectations, it is a very discouraging ending to see her succumb to the same cruel fate as all the past slayers. Making her unremarkable in the slayer line, just another girl who died young. This is why I love the season 7 ending as a series finale so much more because she completely uproots the exploitative oppressive system of the Watcher’s council and the slayer cycle that sent so many young girls to their early deaths as sacrifices. She redistributes that power so that every girl who has the potential to be a slayer can become one and isn’t just a weapon to stave off evil for a short time but a part of a collective. She is able to share the weight of the world and Buffy can finally not only live for others but also herself.

#tw suicide #tw suicide mention #sorry for the long rant I hope this is coherent I just had a lot of feelings #buffy summers #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #The Gift

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incoherentbabblings · 4 years

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top ten AUs for Timsteph? Just like plots you enjoy for them

Well I am currently trying to get @thatblondeperson to write a mermaid au because I want it. Steph escaping down to Gotham docks or further up to the beach and coves and meeting this quiet fish boy in the water and they strike up a weird friendship and then I don't know but Steph ends up going under with him a la Pirates of the Caribbean or something so that's number one at the moment. Please Sofie. I need it. 😩

Other ones I enjoy/would like to read/write one day:

Post RR/Batgirl stories. Doesn't matter how many variations I read of that plot, I like to see different interpretations of how they can reunite

No cape au. Maybe they're both at college? Tim is feeling directionless meets Steph who is working part time at the library to put herself through uni?

Steph as Robin and Tim as a civilian au. Let's say Steph has only been Robin for a very short amount of time, around the time Tim's parents get taken, only this time it's in Gotham. She manages to save them?

Tim gets to be with Steph when she is dying. I wish they'd gotten one last conversation. Maybe it would have put things to rest more than what happened in canon

Halloween! I have been mulling over it for ages but does anyone remember that one Halloween episode of Buffy were everyone became their costumes because of curses doodad? I thought it could be fun where (either or for whatever dynamic you prefer) one's a vampire and one's the bite victim and when the spell kicks in the blood spurts out their neck and the other is like oh no for all kinds of reasons like oh dear don't die but also oh dear that smells good oh no and then it just spirals from there. As a side note Cass as a sheet ghost becoming a genuine ghost would be funny as she'd be the only one in the right frame of mind to figure out what's happening.

The Everyone's Either a Villain or at the Very Least their Moral Compass is Completely Shot au which is the one I am writing at the moment... I've been watching and listening to too much Heathers and debating where's the best place to off someone in a school. It's fun to play with characterisations. Like a how much can you stretch things until your essentially writing original stories basically...

Courtly love stuff. Again I bought myself a Nintendo Switch and finally getting to play Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild for myself and the reborn soul of the hero as the chosen knight of the descendent of a goddess hits all the sweet spots you know. But it doesn't have to be fantasy. Just the Knight/Prince and the Princess stuff is so gooddddd

Closer to home an AU where Steph's return from the dead is just handled better and what knock on effects that would have had for Battle for the Cowl and Tim's Red Robin run. If Tim was in a better place would have have stayed in Gotham? Would Bruce had ever returned then? Would Steph have become Batgirl? That point in time needed them to be in the outs for the wellbeing (long term) for themselves, Gotham and the world. It's a nice paradox to think about.

Tim actually went through with murdering Captain Boomerang...where do you go from there. What happens to his relationship with the family and how does it relate to Steph and her development which went in the complete opposite direction from her first appearance attempting to murder her father to her refusal to shoot Roman. Is she sympathetic? Does she feel betrayed? Is she just sad? Idk, it's juicy to think about...

#dc #ask and i'll babble #TimSteph #Tim Drake #Stephanie Brown

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buffyversefanfiction · 3 years

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Slayer of Slayers

Warnings:I do not own, nor do I claim to own any of the copyright or characters within the Buffyverse which includes but not limited to the television shows Buffy and Angel, as well as the Darkhorse comics series’ continuation.

15+ Strong to moderate violence, Graphic to mild descriptions of gore, and torture, sexually charged scenes, sexual innuendos, mild to strong language, and practices of witchcraft.

M/M, F/F, M/F, GEN, OTHER +

PART SEVEN LINK HERE

Part Eight - Vampire Island

Theo Frey’s life had well and truly been a series of impossible events, his birth being miraculous conception between slayer and vampire, one of whom should never be able to produce any form of life, his birth then followed by being abandoned in the past and forced to grow up in the past, only to witness the death of his adoptive parents at the hands of Drusilla, which was then followed by Theo becoming a vampire slayer, falling in love with vamp Tobias, and becoming known as the slayer of slayers. And if that was not enough impossibilities within his life, he then witnessed his love Tobias’ death at the hands of old one Illyria, only to then die himself after being shot by former watcher Rupert Giles that saw him coming back to life as the world’s first vampire to have turned without a siring. Theo’s world had continued to crash around him, repeatedly, but for once his latest surprise was one he was happy about, that being declared a king of vampires following his survival after being staked, and now he was on a mission to earn that title, by finding this infamous vampire island, home to the first-ever Hellmouth, and the only place in the world that would solidify his claim as king amongst vampires, making him the most dangerous creature on the planet as the prophecies foretold and the only thing standing in his way, was his mother, Buffy the vampire slayer…

Buffy Summers had been out of the slaying game for what felt like forever but, it had only been over a year since she disappeared to the middle of nowhere, and as she returned, following the revelation of Theo, she found herself patrolling, hunting, and researching, 24/7, as she struggled to deal with her son’s hatred towards her and his many evil deeds, which she blamed herself for. The last time she saw her son she called his bluff about being ready to kill her, luckily things went Buffy’s way, and he couldn’t kill her in the end, but still to see her child so distraught, so broken, almost broke the once preppy and feisty blonde-haired vampire slayer. However, the fact he could not bring himself to kill her gave Buffy some hope that there was something still there deep within him that she could reach and after hearing news of his plans to take out Drusilla, those hopes grew, only to be dashed after learning her son had become something of a king among vampires. Buffy and Willow had been deep in the books within Willow’s San Francisco apartment for days, as they sought out to learn all they could about Theo’s prophecy as the first vampire not to be sired by another, as they learned the unnerving news that mother would either kill a son or be killed by a son, before going on to learn about a prophecy going back many centuries which detailed a self-sired vampire reigning king of an island, vampire island, and how his blood would open the world’s first Hellmouth, as they began to realize the importance of his birth, and why he was born, with Buffy beginning to fear that not only could her son not be saved but she may have to be the one to stop him. And before long Buffy and Willow hired a boat, enlisted the help of fellow vampire slayer Faith Lehane, and Illyria, and took to the sea with ancient books, maps, and spells directly linked to this mystical island of vampires, as they hoped to find the island, and to get there and destroy the Hellmouth before Theo had a chance of opening it, claiming his undead throne, and unleashing hell unto the world. “This child of yours sure knows how to cause trouble I bet you're missing the good old days when you only had to try to keep me in line.” Faith joked with Buffy as they stood to the port of the big yacht-like boat that they had rented, both slayers looking out towards the sea. “Well, I would not go as far as saying I’m nostalgic about rogue Faith and Sunnydale High, but things were much simpler back then for sure.” Buffy laughed, appreciating Faith’s humor during a difficult time for her. “Speak for yourself B, I do not want to sound all savior-like and everything, but we are going to get through to him Buffy without having to kill him.” Faith responded as she remained determined about her believes over Theo being redeemable. “If we were certain about that, I’d have got Angel on this mission instead of his super smurf sidekick and you’d have had his witch frenemy join us,” Buffy confessed to the fellow slayer, a slayer she had once become enemies with but had over time rebuilt their friendship. “I’m the slayer no matter what, and deep down you are the same…if I have to choose between the world or my son I’ll choose the world, Angel will choose his son, I guess that makes him the better parent and me the better, killer.” “It will not come down to that Buffy, I did not come on this mission to kill your kid and neither did you, we will stop him without killing him, and then you will ground his ass for at least a decade or two and we’ll go get some drinks.” Faith told Buffy, knowing Buffy was right but also knowing she did not want to admit it to her. “Being a slayer has cost me so much, forced me to sacrifice so much, and although I hate that more than anything if it comes down to it, I will continue to make those sacrifices because that is what a slayer does,” Buffy said in a defeated sigh, knowing that this quest to find the island of vampires could end with her killing her own son.

Later that very same night Theo stood at the front of a large shipment containing ship looking at the nearby island, with blood on his mouth, the blood coming from the human passengers of the boat that he and his group of vampires fed on while hiding out in the darkest places of the ship, choosing to keep the captain alive so he could sail the boat while they hid from daylight, but chaining him to the wheel so he dared not escape. Theo couldn’t believe his eyes as he stared at the island from a distance, a hauntingly beautiful island, almost completely in darkness if it was not for the night’s moon in the sky, reflecting light off the water, he could not believe that this lost island was the home to the world’s first Hellmouth nor could he believe that this island would be his kingdom, his way to a throne he never knew even existed. As the boat sailed closer towards the island, his vampire companions appeared from out of the blind spots, with glee in their eyes, knowing they had found the only true home for their kind, completely oblivious to the fact that their king was beginning to question the path he had chosen so quickly after facing off with his nemesis Drusilla. Theo had wanted many things in his life, he wanted love which he found with Lucien Knight and then later the vampire Tobias, he wanted companionship which he once had with his bewitching best friend Ruby Moon, and he wanted a family to replace the one he lost, but he had never dreamt of being a king among monsters nor did he dream of one day becoming one of those monsters but fate had dealt their cards and Theo had no choice but to either accept or deny his destiny. Losing Tobias had awakened emotions within the vampire that he thought was long gone, human emotions, grief, sadness, and loss, and somehow through reunions with old friends, meeting his biological family, and turning against his mentor Drusilla, somewhere through all that he had felt a part of his old self slipping back through, a part he had hoped he killed a long time ago and apart if he wanted to become king, he would have to kill now. Theo’s only mission in life had been to avenge his parents and with an army, and more undead soldiers to add to that army, after opening the Hellmouth and claiming his undead kingdom, he knew with certainty he would achieve that goal, for even Drusilla herself could not outrun an entire army instructed to hunt her down at all costs, and if it meant ending the world, well that was just a sacrifice the slayer of slayers was willing to make. But as his minions anchored the boat Theo was shocked to suddenly see Sineya, the first slayer, appear standing within the sandy shores of the beach, staring right at him, as if she was staring right into his soul, and perhaps she was, as Theo suddenly felt a rush of guilt hit him hard, like a ton of bricks, causing him to gasp for a moment before like she had appeared, Sineya disappeared into the night’s air within a blink of the eyes. “We’re here boss!” One of his minions announced to him. “Time to go as far as we can before looking for coverage from the sun, then when night falls again we will get you to your throne.” “Yes,” Theo replied, as he then mumbled to himself, unimpressed by the island’s restrictions. “What kind of island meant for vampires has no way of blocking out the sun anyway?”

Buffy, Faith, Willow, and Illyria were not too far behind as the sun began to rise in the sky, the two slayers, witch, and goddess, drew closer to the infamous island of vampires, an island that Illyria herself had conquered many millenniums ago, back when bloodsuckers were nothing more than pets to her, messy pets whom she’d easily put down if they pestered her. All those years ago Illyria never really sense the true power of this island, thinking of it as nothing more than a home to bloodsuckers, but now as she grew closer to the island of vampires she began to sense its power more and more, a sense of untapped potential, the same sense she got from the slayer of slayers which only served as further evidence to the goddess that Theo Frey was indeed linked to the place, just like the prophecy foretold. As she stood behind the boat’s wheel, Willow Rosenberg, standing next to her, the two women seeing the island in their sight, Illyria knew that Willow too could feel the untapped power radiating from the island of the undead. “I know we’re going to win because we always do but what’s the odds, we win without having to kill Buffy’s son?” Willow asked Illyria, fearing her answer, but knowing Illyria would be honest about their odds. “The son of the slayer has survived far longer than I expected him to when we first met however, in this fight I believe in order to win, he must die, and I’m not one for losing,” Illyria answered honestly with a rare sign of reluctance which showed a sense of empathy towards the situation, a feeling which was rather new for the blue haired goddess. Before long Buffy, Willow, Illyria, and Faith had anchored the boats and were now on the sandy shores of the island, ready to face whatever awaited them on this prophesized island for vampire kind, but before they traveled further into the island, Buffy noticed another boat heading towards the island’s direction, instantly knowing it wasn’t Theo’s, as something in her gut told her that Angel was on that boat. “So, about not telling Angel about the mission…” Faith began to say to Buffy. “You decided to go against that I guess.” Buffy interrupted her fellow slayer, infuriated by her actions but understanding them at the same time. And so, Buffy waited for Angel’s ship to anchor itself near the island before deciding to get on the boat, going under the deck where Angel and Spike were hiding out from the sunlight, having had the help of Rupert Giles to sail the boat, and Xander Harris, because well he was Spike’s roommate, and one of Buffy’s best friends. “I told you she wouldn’t be happy with us tagging along on this one,” Spike said to Angel as the two vampires sat at a table within the kitchen room on the boat as Buffy walked in, the windows completely blacked out by carboard to protect the vampires from the sunlight. “Well, it’s a good thing I don’t give a damn about what she wants.” Angel snapped at Spike while standing up to face Buffy, furious with the slayer for once again going behind his back regarding their son. “I was just trying to save you the pain if things go bad out there!” Buffy told Angel. “Theo’s about to bring about another apocalypse and if I don’t make it in time to save him then I will have to stop him.” “I will not let you hurt our son Buffy!” Angel argued with the slayer, furious to learn that she was prepared to kill her own child. “I don’t care if he does bring about the apocalypse, there’s always some apocalypse and we always defeat it, but I will not lose him again…I will not let you take him away from me again!” “Do you think I want to kill my son? No, but he’s not leaving us much choice, and once again it falls on me to choose between someone I love and the rest of the world, you have no idea what that is like so don’t you dare stand there and judge me!” Buffy shouted at the brooding vampire, as Spike sat there having no choice but to watch the two bickerings with each other awkwardly. “I have lost people too Buffy, you’re not the only one who has had to make sacrifices, but I refuse to let you go in there ready to kill

him if you need to. What happened to the girl ready to risk the world for her sister? Why does Dawn mean more to you than your own son?” Angel continued to argue with the slayer furiously. “Dawn was an innocent, she did nothing wrong and has continued to do nothing wrong, Theo was a cold-blooded killer long before he became a vampire-like his father, Dawn never chose her fate, she fought against it like we all did but Theo is willingly choosing this and if we do not stop before he opens that Hellmouth then we have to throw his ass in there,” Buffy replied, equally as furious as Angel, not liking the position she had found herself in, willing to do anything to make this not true, but ready to accept whatever fate may fall upon her son, as she once again had to choose to be a chosen one over all else. Buffy knew she had the sun to her advantage, and she could use it along with Illyria, Giles, Willow, Xander, and Faith, to get trekking through the vampire island, and get a head start on Angel and Spike, hoping however the big battle went down that she could spare Angel the pain of seeing their son’s death even if she could not spare herself the same pain, but with only a matter of hours to go, and no clue where they were going on this island, the chances of this getting messy seemed unavoidable.

Theo, of course, was one step ahead of the others, as he and his gang of vampires sought refuge from the sunlight within one of the islands’ caves, but instead of sleeping like his minions, Theo stayed up plotting, marking out what he could see of the island and patrolling the cave for any signs of them being ambushed, knowing the champions of this world would no doubt find their way here sooner or later, however, it was when the slayer of slayers went deeper into the caves that he once again saw Sineya appear in front of his eyes. Sineya, was no stranger to Theo, for the two had met before, a very long time ago, but her presence was still a shock considering the first-ever vampire slayer was killed long before his time, and many others, but as he saw her for the second time since arriving on the vampire island, he could not help but want to know the reason behind her presence. “Do you remember me?” Theo asked the primeval slayer, who nodded in agreement before he continued to ask. “Why are you here?” “The dirt beneath you is the same dirt I once stood on, do you not recognize a place you have been before? Much has changed but it still feels the same.” Sineya replied telepathically, her voice piercing Theo’s mind without the slayer so much as moving her lips. “No…the prophecies say this is vampire island, not slayer island.” Theo denied her claims almost instantly. “As long as there are vampires there are slayers…once only one slayer but now an army.” Sineya continued to telepathically speak, accessing Theo’s mind with ease. “We did not choose this path, but you did…now you must decide if you are vampire or slayer.” “I think I made that choice long before I actually became a vampire, how are you even here?” Theo responded coldly, not knowing that the primeval slayer could sense the uncertainty within his very soul. “You already are where you are looking to be but is it where you want to be?” Sineya informed him with her cryptic words, once again choosing to speak telepathically instead of out loud. “You can do what you came here to do but the question is, do you want to do it?” Suddenly, the first slayer once again vanished within the blink of the eye, but this time Theo noticed the caveman writings in front of him, within the depths of the cave, and as he began to decrypt what the pictures meant, he realized that through that very wall, was where the Hellmouth was located, he had somehow found it instinctively without even knowing, and that’s what Sineya was pointing out to him, forcing his hand to make his choice, but as ruthless, and evil, as Theo Frey could be, was he really ready to end the world just to claim an undead kingdom?

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Resident Evil Village: Why Ethan Winters is the Worst RE Protagonist

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This article contains RESIDENT EVIL VILLAGE spoilers.

I walked away from Resident Evil Village with mixed feelings about the whole thing, but the one aspect of the long-awaited sequel I had no mixed feelings about was leading man Ethan Winters and his status as the absolute worst.

While there have been other unlikable Resident Evil protagonists, Resident Evil 7 and Resident Evil Village‘s Ethan Winters is on another level. Unlike other RE heroes that were hindered by a combination of bad voice acting, bad writing, and questionable lore, Ethan Winters’ brings all of those unfortunate elements to the table and adds a couple of “qualities” that puts him cleanly in contention for the “honor” of being not just the worst protagonist in RE history but in all major video games.

Before you call that harsh, consider just a few of the many ways that Ethan Winters is the most insufferable part of two otherwise good games.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Ethan Winters is a Terrible Husband

This is honestly a bit lower on the list of Ethan Winters’ character sins, but it has to be pointed out that Ethan Winters comes across as a pretty bad partner.

First off, there’s a world in which Ethan doesn’t even save Mia in Resident Evil 7 and instead chooses to give the serum to Zoe Baker: a girl he’s known for about a couple of hours. In that same ending, Mia still sacrifices herself for Ethan despite the fact that Ethan didn’t save her. Capcom wisely decided to abandon that ending pretty much entirely, but it’s telling that the writers created a character who could conceivably leave his wife to die when he’s able to easily save her.

Mind you, the version of Ethan we see in Village who did decide to save Mia is only slightly better than the one who abandoned her. The biggest problem here is actually the revelation that Mia is really Mother Miranda and seemingly has been for at least a little while. This use of the body switch trope always makes partners look bad (how do you not notice the supposed love of your life has been replaced?), but it takes a very dark turn in this instance when Mia is shot by Blue Umbrella operatives and Ethan barely reacts to his wife’s brutal murder.

Yes, it turns out it was actually Mother Miranda that was shot, but before Ethan knows that, he is seemingly able to process much of his grief with an “Oh God!” and an exasperated “Why?” After that, Ethan barely even talks about Mia. Sure, his daughter was just kidnapped, but this guy can’t shed a tear or do anything to indicate that he needs more than a minute to process this whole thing? Even if it was Mother Miranda who scolds Ethan in one of the game’s early cutscenes for not caring enough about their relationship, I’m starting to think she was right. No wonder she has to keep so much wine around the house.

Ethan Winters’ Quips Could Make an ’80s Action Hero Shake Their Head in Shame

I feel like I could spend several articles talking about Ethan’s awful one-liners and quips, but there’s one specific moment I have to talk about that really highlights the extent of this problem.

There’s a scene in the back half of Village that sees Ethan sneak through a mine in search of a flask containing part of his daughter. Against all odds, Ethan is able to retrieve the flask without drawing the attention of the creature guarding it, Moreau. However, Ethan (who, it must be said again, is the absolute worst) cannot resist taunting Moreau instead of just walking away. He then stays a little while longer to make fun of Moreau seemingly because he’s the first of the house leaders who he feels he is able to bully.

Ethan, why are you like this? Why would you possibly alert this thing to your presence when you’ve just been gifted an easy way out, and why would you exploit what appears to be a moment of weakness for this creature just to get a couple of insults and bad jokes in? For that matter, why do you constantly feel the need to chime in with some kind of quip or line that seemingly confirms you’re just good-looking enough to have never been told that you’re not funny?

It’s great that Moreau uses this moment to tell Ethan “You’re stupid! You talk too much,” but the fact that the game’s writers were seemingly aware of this problem makes it all the more baffling that they chose to have their games star this very stupid man who does, in fact, talk way too much in the moments he shouldn’t be talking at all.

Ethan Winters Has Never Been the Everyman He is Supposed to Be

When I first started playing Resident Evil 7, I gave the game the benefit of the doubt regarding some of Ethan Winters’ character and personality flaws. After all, he was supposed to be the player surrogate and something of an everyman who is just as confused by this situation as we are.

However, if Ethan really was ever supposed to be an everyman, he’s a pretty bad one. It’s easy enough to buy into the idea that Ethan is just some poor guy in a bad situation at first, but between his terrible quips, world-class bad decision making, and apparent inability to form a believable human connection with the few actual humans in his life, Ethan is less of an everyman and more of the random dorm roommate you got stuck with in college. The best thing you can say about him is that you’ve both got to find a way to get through this together.

Throughout Resident Evil, we also watch as Ethan alternates between struggling to understand things that we as the player have already figured out and not caring about obviously impressive moments. There are essentially vampires and other nearly mythological creatures in every corner of Resident Evil Village, and Ethan hardly ever conveys even a moment of surprise in response to anything he sees. There’s even a scene towards the end of the game when Ethan falls into an underground area only to find that Chris is already there and has apparently built a homemade tank. Does Ethan ask for an explanation about any of this or express any notable interest in these incredible coincidences/circumstances? No, he does not. It’s like the “cool guys don’t look at explosions” trope, but the explosions are the plot and the cool guy is Ethan Winters.

Seemingly realizing that Ethan wasn’t working as an everyman, Capcom decided to turn him into more of an action hero in Resident Evil Village. Unfortunately for everyone, that only made things worse…

Ethan Winters’ Powers Somehow Make Him an Even More Boring Character

Let’s get right into it: it doesn’t make any sense that Ethan Winters is able to defeat most of the threats he faces in Resident Evil Village, and the game’s attempts at making those moments make sense only make the character worse.

While Village tells us that Chris trained Ethan and Mia to some degree after the events of Resident Evil 7, there’s no amount of training you could possibly receive that would explain why the bullets from a shotgun you found in a shed are able to topple impossible creatures. Granted, that’s more of a game design problem than it is a personal issue with Ethan, but at some point, the fact that Ethan goes from “barely defending himself” to “defeating an entire village of monstrosities” with very little believable or enjoyable explanation between those moments ultimately becomes yet another reason to not like him.

Village later tries to explain Ethan’s regenerative abilities and impossible durability with a variation of the “dead the whole time” storytelling cliche, but that just makes matters worse. While “dead guy” is a pretty apt description of Ethan’s warmth as a human being, Ethan being just south of unkillable doesn’t make him any more interesting: it makes him a s****y Wolverine who hopes his powers will make up for his lack of personality. In reality, it just makes it more upsetting that it’s so hard to get rid of Ethan Winters.

Ethan Winters’ evolution from bewildered average guy to monster slayer could have been interesting. Just look at Gordon Freeman from Half-Life or the character Wesley Wyndam-Pryce from Buffy and Angel. Instead, the more we got to know Ethan, the more we wish we didn’t. It’s rare to have a protagonist that so effectively drags down the considerable quality of everything around him, but that’s just the kind of guy that Ethan is.

The post Resident Evil Village: Why Ethan Winters is the Worst RE Protagonist appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2SAA0jD

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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runnfromtheak · 4 years

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fanfic author’s tagging game (yay!)

Thank ya darling for tagging me!!!! @boyblunder-thedarkheir!!!!!

AO3 Name(s): LostandLonelyBirds aka RUNNFROMTHEAK

Fandom(s): Primarily Batfamily (so, Dick Grayson) and Young Justice (along with DCU obviously, but I also dabble into Miralculous Ladybug, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Harry Potter, and MCU (none of which I will ever seriously write for? Idk man).

Number of fics: 22 I will admit to (how do you have so many, my dear @boyblunder-thedarkheir? What is your secret?)

1. Fic you spent the most time on: Are we talking writing or thinking about writing, cause those are two very different answers. I spent the most time writing this bitch of a fic I’m working on right now, and the most time thinking about the two latest installments of my main series, Death is But An Illusion (aka How Could He and How Could It Be). I agonize over every goddamn detail with Dick’s anger, Jason’s Jason-ness, and every person’s every move and word. I am a mess, and I’m going to be murdered if I don’t update them soon. I am not sorry about that XD

2. Fic you spent the least time on: You Came Behind Me Secretly and Shattered Every Piece of Me (There's Blood On My Hands) aka my pick-your-own-canon clusterfuck of Dark!Dick Grayson and Dick Grayson being traumatized and tortured with no comfort (Some of them are so fucked up I question my own mind). I take less than an hour to write 80% of them, cause they’re short, and they very rarely take any time to plan. Fun and easy!

3. Longest Fic: At present, he had a chest full of heart and a body full of scars (pain became the only way that he could ever learn) is my longest, but the fic I’ve been hinting at on my other tumblr, @lostandlonelybirds is easily double the length (why do I do this to myself? Why am I like this?) the long boi (named one, not the one I won’t shut up about) is easily my best fic at the moment, and I’m so excited to write a sequel whenever I get the chance.

4. Shortest Fic: With Bated Breath and Pain You See (We're Nothing More Than Memories) technically, I have one shorter than that, but it’s a collab that wasn’t my original idea so I’m not counting it :)

5. Most Hits: You Came Behind Me Secretly and Shattered Every Piece of Me (There's Blood On My Hands) why do you people like this trash-fire so much? I don’t understand

6. Most Kudos: How Could He which does not surprise me.

7. Most Comment Threads: Technically, How Could He followed by the trash-fire AU title thing I’m too lazy to type again, but I’m gonna love on this one: Just Close Your Eyes (No One Can Hurt You Now) because it’s my baby, and it deserves it okay?

8. Fave Fic You Wrote: Ooo we are doing a top five.

5. How Could It Be (Jason is precious and sad and Dick is oblivious, and I love one-sided pining wayyyy too much)

4. How Could He (I put my life force into this stupid fic, so ofc it’s here)

3. I'm Scared to Live But I'm Scared to Die (I'm Numb Inside) (the suicidal boy, major trigger warning)

2. I See Things That Nobody Else Sees (And It's Slowly Killing Me) (the only fic I’ve ever written from Cass’s perspective, and definitely one of the creepiest and most fucked up. Bruce does not look good here)

1. he had a chest full of heart and a body full of scars (pain became the only way that he could ever learn) (so ummm Bruce doesn’t look good here either? RHATO #25 if DC wasn’t cowardly and let Dick react how he actually would, aka fuck Batman is the new motto)

9. Rewrites?: Fuck. All my older ones? Everything? Who knows.

10. Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning:

Let’s do two. I’m nice.

First comes from How Could It Be:

“You loved him,” Donna says, ignoring his barb. “You loved him, and no one’s seen you or heard from you and I’m concerned, damnit.”

She punches his shoulder roughly, and he’s reminded of her strength, no matter how small she seems in her dead best friend’s sweater.

“I’m fine. Peachy-keen. Couldn’t be fuckin’ better. Honestly, you should be more concerned with Replacement, don’t think he’s slept in—”

“Jason.” Her voice is firm, even as her eyes swim with tears and she holds her arms tight to herself, breathing in the well-loved item’s scent. Jason wonders when Dick wore it last, if Donna had taken it from his abandoned Gotham Penthouse or his Chicago Apartment. He wonders if he’d left it draped over the couch, like the natural disaster he was, or if it had been folded neatly in a drawer.

For someone who prides himself on not being sentimental, Jason suddenly wishes he had something of Dick’s too.

“I’m here because I care, and because if Dick was here, he’d be doing the same thing I am.”

“But he ain’t here,” Jason snaps, “Is he?”

Donna’s head falls, and he feels like a giant jerk. He just… reacts poorly to that name, hasn’t heard it spoken since the transmission and subsequent funeral, since the guy he’d had the hots for since wearing the scaly panties had his mask ripped away and his life taken in front of Bruce’s eyes (who, to absolutely no one’s surprise, failed to save his son).

In the aftermath, no one said Dick Grayson’s name, always Nightwing, or some inane nickname the superhero community had for him. Last time he said it was to Damian, a failed attempt at comfort. But even Jason’s form of mutual grieving had been better than any of Bruce’s shit ideas. Bastard immortalized the ripped costume from his own son’s corpse (not that it had been the first time) and hadn’t even had the decency to give it a plaque (No ‘Good Soldier’ or ‘Good Son’, just a bare glass case with a bloody suit). Which… was weird. Jason was far from B’s best friend, but even he noticed something seemed strange, off, just not quite right. Like the funeral he didn’t speak at, like the breakdown none of them had witnessed beyond a one-off rage fit

“B, what the fuck happened down here?”

The Batcave was a disaster, dents glaringly obvious in several vehicles and a large spiderweb crack across the Batcomputer. Bruce closes the screen down, but Jason manages to catch a spiraling eye.

“Nothing, just…”

Bruce looks at the spare Nightwing costume none of them had taken down yet, still clean and ready for use (too bad its owner died and would never wear it again).

“Dick?” Jason questions, and the way Bruce’s eyes snap to his face is almost suspicious, almost enough to arouse concern.

“Yes. I—”

Jason sits next to Bruce on the desk, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I miss him too, Old Man. Don’t mean you need to be an ass about it.”

A memorial next to Jason’s own, but Dickhead’s is empty and broken from Damian’s fists and grief, and Jason’s is just gone. No one told him why, it was just gone.

Kind of like Dick.

He wonders if Bruce would have told him if the video hadn’t been broadcast, if he would’ve told anyone. B did love his fuckin’ secrets.

“No,” she whispers, and he can hear the tears in her voice, can feel her grief as keenly as his own. It’s palpable, tangible, “He’s dead, and I’m alive, and I don’t know how to handle it.”

And then, to Jason’s mounting horror, she starts crying openly.

…..

Second comes from my one I’m working on rn with Stray!Dick called I See Sunset In Your Eyes (I Hate This Part Right Here)

“Come on,” Wally says with a pout, dragging an overly amused Jason and Dick with him through the karaoke bar doors. “Donna and Roy are waiting for us, and Dick had to take forever to primp.”

Dick shrugs with a grin.

“Beauty takes time, time I can tell you did not take.”

Jason snorts, and Wally glares at him.

“At least I don’t take five hours to finish getting ready.”

“At least I can last longer than five minutes.”

“Ouch!” Roy butts in, throwing an arm around Jason and Dick’s shoulders. “Claws are out tonight!”

“Speaking from experience?” Jason asks, eyebrow raised.

Dick smirks without comment, sauntering past the group towards the table Donna’s lounging at.

“Hey gorgeous twin of mine,” He greets with a kiss to her eyes. She smirks, rolling her eyes at him.

“You’re just stroking your own ego with the twin tacked on, Wonder Boy.”

Dick bumps his shoulder against hers.

“Can’t I stroke both our egos?”

“You can stroke mine,” Wally mutters, turning red when Stray winks at his phrasing. Jason and Roy both facepalm, groaning. “Not what I meant guys!”

“Why Kid Idiot,” Dick replies, hand on his heart, “I had no idea you could be so forward~!”

Wally glares, waving over the waitress.

“Round of shots, on this dick,” he jerks his thumb at Stray, offering up his fake ID. She doesn’t bother checking it, probably because this is Gotham, and they were all in uniform. “Whisky, please.”

“Trying to get me drunk?” Jason jokes. It is, after all, his first big outing with the Titans for non-mission reasons. Stray had practically dragged him out of the Manor with a wink at Alfred and a middle finger for Bruce, saying that Jason needed to have fun outside of books.

Jason knows better than arguing with Dick Grayson-Kyle when he wants something, Stray trained him well.

“Of course, Batboy,” Roy replies, “It’s not a Titans outing if Stray is fully dressed and everyone’s sober.”

Dick shrugs.

“You’ll have to get some real liquor in me if you want me to do anything like last time.”

“Last time?” Jason asks, looking to Donna for an answer. Dick snorts. You get near naked one time…

“Boy Blunder ended up in just his boxers in a dancing cage drunk of his ass. Everyone thought he was one of the strippers, and he made, what, three-hundred dollars in bills?”

“Five-hundred,” Dick replies proudly, offering the waitress a twenty as she came back with their drinks. “Keep the change, darlin’!” He adds with a wink.

She flushes, making Jason frown.

Stray, of course, notices this and elbows Jason.

“Don’t get jealous, Blue Jay, it’s not becoming.”

Jason does not blush. He doesn’t, and that’s the hill he will die on.

“I’m not. On an unrelated note, pass me a shot.”

Jason is the master of changing the subject, Stray thinks sarcastically, passing him a shot and downing one of his own.

“Five bucks says alley cat blacks out,” Roy says smugly as Dick makes a face, the way he always did with heavier liquors. He glares at the redhead, who shrugs unapologetically.

Donna eyes them both speculatively, taking a sip of her own drink.

“Twenty says he gives a lap dance before he blacks out.”

Roy snorts.

“I’ll take it,” and to Dick, “Don’t do it, for me.”

Dick bats his eyes innocently.

“Lil’ old me? I would never do something so…” He trails a finger down Roy’s chest, making him swallow roughly. “Scandalous.”

Donna grins victoriously as Roy groans, trying and failing to hide his excitement.

“I hate you. I hate you both.”

Tagging whoever sees this, I suppose?

#dcu #dick grayson #my writing #stray!dick

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clansayeed · 4 years

Text

Bound by Destiny ― Chapter 22: The Next Chapter

PAIRING: Kamilah Sayeed x MC (Nadya Al Jamil) RATING: Mature

⥼ MASTERLIST ⥽

⥼ Bound by Destiny ⥽

Nadya Al Jamil (MC) has been struggling from the day she moved to Manhattan, but her new job as assistant to the mysterious CEO of Raines Corp was supposed to turn her luck around. Until she finds herself caught in the middle of a war involving the Council of Vampires who secretly run the city. An evil from the birth of Vampire-kind stirs beneath, feeding on the conflict, and finds Nadya bound to a destiny she never asked for.

Bound by Destiny and the rest of the Oblivion Bound series is an ongoing dramatic retelling project of the Bloodbound series and spin-off, Nightbound. Find out more [HERE].

*Let me know if you would like to be added to the Destiny tag list!

⥼ Chapter Summary ⥽

Nadya and Adrian finally talk about what happened. Lily gets a bouquet of blue lotuses.

WARNING: this chapter contains explicit sexual content

[READ IT ON AO3]

Two weeks later…

“Adrian Raines’ office, please hold.”

Click.

“Adrian Raines’ office, can you hold for me for just a sec? Thank you.”

Click.

“Mr. Raines’ office — please hold.”

Click.

“Adrian Raines’ office, ple— Oh, thank you for holding. Uh… just keep doing that. Thank you!”

Click. Ping.

Nadya’s on autopilot as she grabs the phone and holds it to her ear — ready to spout her spiel to yet another caller. The dial tone confuses her for a second — can’t tell if it’s actually there or her brain’s the one that’s gone on hold.

The glowing icon at the bottom of the computer screen brings her back into focus-mode.

[ADRIAN]: You ok out there? [NADYA]: yes [NADYA]: did u get this many calls b4 or am i out of practice? [ADRIAN]: There’s a tech expo next week. Nicole signed up RCorp to present on solar energy.

Somehow she’s not even surprised that Nicole’s legacy — publicly tarnished regarding a carefully-crafted scandal of ‘selling company secrets’ — is making her life more difficult.

The phone starts ringing again and she’s barely a crumb away from pulling her hair out.

[NADYA]: take some of these!!!! [ADRIAN]: Sorry, I just finished with Vega’s campaign manager. [NADYA]: NOW!!!

The screen says Adrian is typing but she closes the window without letting it send. Puts on her most chipper service voice as she answers; “Adrian Raines’ office, thank you for holding, I’m transferring you to Mister Raines now,” and sends the problem away with a push of a button.

Well, that problem anyway.

It takes them the entire afternoon to crank out every last caller. Just when there’s an end in sight another wave floods in — but it wouldn’t be work if it wasn’t irritating on some level.

Adrian is, well, Adrian-like in his profuse apology messages. And if she’d normally turn down his offer to pay for the upstairs employee restaurant to bring down dinner she certainly won’t today.

The last time Nadya looked at a clock it was a perfectly acceptable time to order steak and scallops as a reward for finishing. Somewhere in between she migrates into Adrian’s actual office with all of her supplies and several tablets — he takes the calls while she gets everything in place.

That nothing she’s putting down on his calendars has anything to do with vampires, Council problems, or mysterious supernatural happenings is actually frustrating. And there are several times Nadya catches herself in the middle of thinking ‘I’d rather be chased by a horde of Ferals’ and shakes it off because, well, neither is preferable.

When the work-day officially ends (maybe not for them but certainly for the people who will be pestering them with calls) Nadya actually chucks her calendar aside like a frisbee. Flinches when it collides with the office wall but it doesn’t leave a mark so, you know, no regrets.

Heels kicked off in blissful relief and she ignores the soft ticking of the clock reading 22:11 on the wall behind him with carefully honed skill to dig into her buttery meal with fervor.

“I completely forgot about the expo. Wine?” Adrian lifts the bottle in offering, takes her vigorous nod around a mouthful of food with laughter as he pours a second for himself. “I can’t believe I let it slip my mind. We’ve contributed the last four years.”

Nadya at least has the decency not to answer with a full mouth. “Well in your defense we were sorta busy, you know, trying not to die.”

“Fair point.”

They ‘cheers’ their drinks and take a celebratory sip. Not just for what they accomplished today — they both know it.

Most of the shared meal is filled with silence. Adrian doesn’t share her human gusto for luxury entrees but he does eat instead of continuing to work. A small gesture for which she is eternally grateful.

Only when she’s pushing around the scraps of fatty meat in fattier sauce does Nadya consider voicing her thoughts. Avoids eye contact carefully — only because she doesn’t want him to reconsider keeping her on as his assistant.

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?” asks Adrian in reply. She gives him a look of really? but he’s not a mind reader.

“You know — this,” with a wide gesture around his office, “balance the two worlds. Not let it make you crazy.”

“Where is this coming from?” He leans forward with folded hands. “You were managing it just fine before the Ball.”

“Exactly! Before the literal circus. Before the Ball and what happened to Megan and hiding underground and… and you’re awfully calm considering a few weeks ago you were nearly executed for something you didn’t even do.”

Maybe her voice hitches a little bit. Hopefully he won’t say anything.

The day they returned to work Nadya adopted a ‘leave it all behind’ mentality that, for the most part, has worked pretty well. Adrian’s followed in her footsteps without needing clarification on anything too. Like it never even happened.

Only it did happen. It very much happened. And she can only ignore it for so long until the rambling starts to kick in against her will — her subconscious is dying to talk and can only be suppressed for so long.

Okay, so… maybe not talking about it wasn’t the best idea. She’s known to have a few bad ones from time to time.

Only Adrian doesn’t look very surprised. In fact he seems relieved.

“I was wondering when you were going to open up. I wanted to try sooner but Lily said you just needed time.”

“Well I have this thing I do where I — hold up, when were you talking to Lily?” Not like her best best friend and her boss best friend can’t talk but… what?

Almost sheepishly Adrian nudges his phone under a leather file. “Hm? What?”

“Don’t gimme that face Adrian Raines.”

“What face?”

“That face.”

He’s lucky he relents before she has to rough it out of him. “In my defense I was just concerned. I wanted to make sure you weren’t just pushing down your feelings.”

Nadya huffs. “Well you should’ve just asked.”

“Would you have told me?”

“Maybe — not. But don’t use Lil’ as a middle-woman.”

“All right; and I’m sorry.” But she’s not getting away with it that easily — can’t change the subject without him being able to follow her step-for-step. That much is obvious by the look he gives.

Nadya tries not to feel so painfully small and human when she finally says; “I just thought it would be better — pushing it all down, I mean. No offense but I don’t exactly have much experience with multiple near-death situations. Actually I don’t have any experience with them at all.”

“Good thing that wasn’t in the interview, huh?”

“You tricked me over coffee. Technically I missed my interview, remember?”

“I told you how refreshing it was not to be recognized. And you did get the job in the end.”

At least he doesn’t hold back bantering with her. That does wonders — more than Nadya even realized. Only she doesn’t have a comeback, so…

So Adrian helps her out.

“But that’s the difference, I think. You’re right; you haven’t come so close to dying before, but I have. Actually,” he leans back thoughtfully, “that isn’t even the first time I’ve had my life threatened by Vega now that I think about it.”

“Adrian?”

“Yes Nadya?”

“How many times have you nearly died?”

He stops to think it over. “Certainly over a dozen, maybe two — not counting the time I actually died.”

That’s a good point. She hadn’t thought about that one.

“But do you want to know something?” He waits until she’s looking back into his eyes. “All those times before; every battle in every war, every dangerous stunt or accident? I may have had confidence but I never knew I was getting out alive. This last time — no matter how bleak things seemed — I didn’t need confidence. I had something else.”

“What was it?” she asks; maybe if it’s enough for him then it’ll be enough for her too.

“I had hope,” when he offers his hand palm-up on the desk Nadya takes it without hesitation, “I had you.”

It’s so awful. Like, so terribly corny and embarrassing that she’s flustered for him which simply isn’t fair. Especially when he starts grinning over it.

“If you spent your time trapped in that dungeon thinking I was gonna bust in and rescue you like some Buffy sequence —”

“No, not exactly. But you did save me.”

“Well yeah but only because —”

“Because you’re the woman who chose to remember. Who had questions and dug your heels in until they were answered. Don’t devalue yourself just because you’re human, Nadya.”

He squeezes their hands. “Thank you, Nadya Al Jamil. Thank you for saving my life.”

She’s all-too-familiar with the stinging in her eyes at this point. Yanks her hand from his and looks around hastily for a tissue only to remember they’re on her desk back outside — but he takes pity on her and offers up his handkerchief.

She can only manage to speak when she’s got soft cotton pressed into her eyeballs.

“I left my waterproof mascara at Kamilah’s, jerk.”

“I’m sorry?” He has the gall to sound unsure.

“You’d better be.”

When Nadya opens her eyes again Adrian’s no longer in his chair — which spins slowly without him. In the blink of an eye he’s at her side with her purse and tissue box from her desk; both offered with a hopeful look.

They trade and he tucks the handkerchief in his pocket. “You’re learning, Raines.”

He sits back in his chair with a grin.

“Who said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?”

“Oh my god — shut up.”

“What? What did I say?”

She hurls a makeup-smeared tissue ball at Adrian while he laughs.

The delivery man is really lucky she had a last-minute question in her choice of shoes. Otherwise Nadya most certainly would have stepped on the bouquet.

If Adrian weren’t waiting downstairs in the middle of evening traffic she’d be happy to parade the flowers into Lily’s room and make fun of her for being so unbelievably sappy with Maricruz but, alas, time is of the essence.

“Lil’ you’ve got a delivery!” She shouts instead. And if there’s only one good thing about Lily being Turned it’s that vampire speed really helps their near-opposite work ethics.

Nadya places the flowers on the counter just as Lily blurs in.

“Hey, thought you were leaving for work?”

“Well I was. But these stopped me.” She pushes them over gently. The blue of the petals reminds her of Mari’s shocking hair. That must be why she picked them.

For a moment it looks like Lily has no idea what she’s talking about; but it must have been a trick of the light. She takes them in hand and looks them over with… surprisingly un-Lily-like speculation.

“Oh, huh. Is there a card?”

“Dunno, lemme see —” the sudden armful of bouquet nearly sends her reeling, “— here, down near the bottom.”

For You.

Scrawled in elegant script she didn’t know the smuggler was capable of — but everyone has a strange hobby. “Well that’s cute.”

Lily nods; suddenly distracted by something on her phone. “Uh-huh. Yeah.”

“Lil’?”

“Totally.”

“Lily.”

“Huh?” She sees Nadya’s light smack of the head coming from a mile away and speeds around the kitchen island to avoid it. “What, Nadya? What?”

“You’re just a little casual about them, that’s all. Especially since you’re seeing her tonight…” Nadya exchanges flowers for her bag and looks Lily over.

“You’d tell me if you were having girlfriend troubles… right?”

“Me? Girlfriend troubles? El-oh-el, Nadya. Mari and I are fine.”

With her thumb still rapidly plugging away at her screen Lily rounds the counter. Starts pushing Nadya out the door with unnerving strength. “Don’t keep Adrian waiting! Oh here, take ‘em —” how does she end up carrying the bouquet again? “— they’ll brighten up your office.”

“What? Wait —”

“Buh-bye!”

“What are you —”

“Mari’s almost here. Surprise booty call. Leave!”

“But —”

But nothing. Lily shoves her out the door and maybe she’d buy the erratic behavior if Lily getting laid was actually on the table but she’s pretty sure Maricruz isn’t gonna like the locks she hears slotting into place.

Outside she catches sight of the company car when Adrian flashes the headlights. She’s never been more excited for her boss’ generosity when he hands her a small bag full of powdered sugar-y goodness.

Her suspicion levels start to elevate when, fifteen minutes later, he checks his phone for the seventh time.

“Okay — what are you two not telling me?”

There’s such a thing as too innocent and maybe someone like Nadya could pull it off (she’s short and that’s adorable — a widely known fact) but Adrian ‘Scary Vampire’ Raines most certainly can’t.

Especially when he blinks and tries for what he probably thinks is a nonchalant smile. “What was that you said?”

She’s not stupid enough to try and distract him from driving in the middle of the city but he’s going to get a literal earful when they reach the parking garage.

Which… they should have reached the parking garage by now.

Nadya looks out through the tinted windows to the city’s nightlife awakening block by block. Commuters heading home, tourists starting their evenings on the town; neon lights starting to reflect off the windows of skyscrapers.

Wait. She knows where they’re going.

She swallows thickly around a too-large bite. Grabs her compact mirror and starts wiping powdered sugar away from her lips and chin in haste.

“Why are you doing this to me? I look terrible.”

Adrian scoffs. “You look great. You always do.”

“Yeah maybe for a day at the office. Not for…”

“A date?”

City traffic or not that earns him a smack to the chest. He doesn’t even flinch.

Is she sweating? Oh lordy she’s sweating. She’s gonna sweat right through her thin cardigan and that’s not attractive in the slightest.

“Please turn around?” She squeaks, timid, but of course Adrian doesn’t listen. Why would he ever listen to her?

Instead he continues on the route to Ahmanet Financial.

Trapped in a car with her boss (who undoubtedly has only the best intentions), after being shoved out of her apartment by her roommate (who definitely plans on someone getting lucky tonight), on her way to the apartment of her… special friend (who she hopes for everyone’s sakes is in on this).

What a… Thursday.

“The bouquet was Lily’s idea,” Adrian says when he finally has enough of Nadya’s silent treatment — singing like a canary, “do you like them?”

“They’re pretty.”

“They’re Egyptian blue lotuses. Kamilah’s favorite.”

So this is a thing that’s happening.

“If you’re gonna go through with this can you at least, I dunno, fill me in on what’s supposed to be going on?”

Being the terrible terrible person that she is Nadya decided to take the ‘leave it all behind’ mentality a little… too far. Too-embarrassed-to-call-her far. Hiding-in-the-office-bathroom-when-she-stopped-by far.

Safe to say Kamilah might be under the wild impression that Nadya wants nothing to do with her now that they’re out of mortal peril. Which couldn’t be further than the truth! She just hasn’t done this in some time and definitely doesn’t know how to go about it with a woman as gorgeous as Kamilah.

Not to mention the two thousand-year-old badass queen of pain thing. That might be a contributing factor.

Only when they’re parked and Nadya’s taken deep breaths while hopped up on the trunk of his car does Adrian answer.

“Whatever you may be assuming about her, I think you may be holding yourself back.”

She gives him a look of ‘wow, you don’t say?’ but can’t hold it for long. Adrian — god love him — keeps trying like Nadya’s making a conscious decision not to pursue perfection.

“She can be bristly at times — I’m sure you’ve seen. But underneath it all she’s really this… this wonderful and caring person. She’s just guarded — both of us, you know? We’ve been through —”

“Adrian,” she holds up a hand to stop him, “you don’t need to talk her up for me. Trust me; I really — like really — like her.”

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“I am. I think.”

She gives him a quick recap of what happened in the Shadow Den — not about Kamilah helping her realize she isn’t crazy or secretly some sort of psychopath, but how they agreed to talk about, well, them when everything was over. “And instead of doing it I just chickened out. She probably doesn’t even want to anymore.”

He coaxes her off of the car and onto her own two (wobbly) feet. Flexes his fingers on her shoulders and squeezes; nothing painful, but stronger than the average man. Squares down and looks her in the eye.

“Kamilah is the closest thing I have to family. She’s been the only one in my life worth protecting for decades now. Well — I mean now that I know you I guess —”

“Yeah yeah I get it. Keep motivating.”

“— Right. What I’m saying is I’m just as protective of her as she is of me and I know, Nadya — I know — that you two are something special. So if that’s what helps you march over to that elevator and give her those flowers and —”

“You don’t gotta describe the whole thing.”

“— Right. Again. You know what I mean.”

Yeah. She knows what he means. And pulls him into the tightest hug she can for his troubles. The way he returns it floods her with comfort; reminds her that no matter what she isn’t alone.

Before Nadya can pull away there’s a sudden weightless feeling and a familiar tonal ding. She pulls back to find them both in the enclosed space of the elevator — and then Adrian’s on the other side of the doors.

“Good luck!” She doesn’t know which is worse; his little wave or the two thumbs up he shoots at her before the doors cut them off.

Maybe he and Lily have been texting a little too much.

It feels like no time has passed when the elevator stops at the penthouse — makes her check just in case that it didn’t stop on a random floor by accident. Nope.

She steps out. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. And knocks.

Maybe Gerard will be able to throw a handful of wise words of English wisdom her way…

Kamilah answers the door instead.

Nadya almost throws the bouquet in her face. The woman’s vampire speed keeps that from going as disastrously as it could but, you know, it’s still not the best thing to do. A flurry of fallen petals trickle to the carpet.

Kamilah practically wrenches her eyes away from Nadya; looks down to observe the mostly-intact flowers with soft surprise. She brushes the tips of her fingers over their vibrant hue.

“Full disclosure: the flowers were Adrian’s idea — I think — and I know I should have known your favorite flowers beforehand but I promise the second I get to my notebook I’m jotting that down for future reference.”

Only when she stops rambling Kamilah is still focused on the flowers. At first she was sure there was one of her rarer open and unguarded looks gazing down at them but now she can see the slight downturn of Kamilah’s mouth.

She’s gonna kill Adrian. And Lily. Both of them — again.

“You don’t like them?”

“The blue lotus is a rare — and expensive — varietal. Hard to get this time of year.”

That doesn’t… answer her question? “Oh.”

Her heart drops into her gut when Kamilah turns back into the condo with the flowers in tow. Leaves the door open behind her. It makes Nadya stand in the doorway like a statue until, beyond the kitchen, she hears; “close the door behind you.”

She lingers behind like an awkward shadow. Watches as Kamilah re-homes the bouquet in a vase that looks ancient and yet still timeless. She can’t read the hieroglyphics wrapping around the vessel from top to bottom but judging by the fondness hiding in the corners of the woman’s eyes that’s not the first time it’s held flowers native to her homeland.

Each time they cross paths she tries to find something to say — falls short when she’s given a look with Kamilah’s almost signature arched eyebrow and just saves her words for later when the moment passes.

It doesn’t help that she has no idea what’s going on. What’s expected of her then and there.

Especially when Kamilah turns down the hallway towards the rest of the place.

“Are you coming?”

Oh. Oh yes she is. And that definitely doesn’t need a word to follow it as she practically scampers along. As she passes the vibrant lotus blossoms on their pedestal that overlooks the entirety of the main apartment.

Nadya made the mistake of going into Kamilah’s office only once; when she was still getting her bearings staying in a new place. She imagines it’s designed much in the same fashion as her CEO’s office several floors below them; sleek and sharp and new-age; everything Adrian’s office isn’t.

By the time she makes it to the doorway Kamilah is at a small table with a hidden bar caddy in the cabinet below. She takes two full glasses in hand and turns — offers one to Nadya casually.

She takes it and, uncultured as she is, tries to inhale and determine what it might be.

“A cherry cognac,” Kamilah answers unprompted. Tilts her tumbler slightly for a gentle cheers before they drink.

It burns all the way down Nadya’s throat. Makes her cough and tap her chest lightly. Kamilah tries slightly less than her best not to look bemused.

“Alcohol like this is not meant to be tasted, but savored.”

Nadya’s voice is rough in her reply; “Good to know.” Not like she’ll ever understand rich people and their rich liquors anyway. And the second time, when she sips with tight lips that barely let anything through, it goes down much more smoothly.

They’re both companions to silence for some time. Nadya discovers this amazing thing where every time she tries to speak and fails she can cover it up with the taste of burned cherries.

It’s likely they’re both a little surprised when Kamilah chooses to go first; turns her back on Nadya to face the large window overlooking the city.

“I would have thought you would be at the office by now. There’s an important convention of some sort soon, correct?”

Kamilah Sayeed making small talk. Screw Vega — this will bring upon the end of the world just as easily.

It makes Nadya laugh. “Well yeah, that was the plan. But plans change.”

“Oh?”

“Especially when your boss takes you to work every day… except for today, of course. When he sorta bypassed that.”

“Of course.”

“But I guess that’s what happens when said boss is gung-ho on playing matchmaker.”

She joins the vampiress at the window. Finds herself focusing more on the beauty of Kamilah’s reflection than the actual view. Her drink is empty by now but she still holds onto it — habit more than anything.

After her eyes make the journey of traveling from Kamilah’s waist all the way up to her features, though, her breath catches in her lungs at the piercing eyes giving her the same treatment.

Only after a long and final drink does Kamilah answer.

“And are you only here by Adrian’s meddlesome hand?”

“Meddlesome…” Nadya bites her bottom lip, “some might say helpful…”

But Kamilah only quirks her eyebrow; her question unanswered. Got it.

“Partly. I know we said, you know, when everything was done we’d talk about what happened — uh… between us.”

“Indeed. I recall.”

“And I wanted to — well, want to…” She pauses when Kamilah starts moving; ready to let her take the lead on the conversation. But the brunette gives a nod to coax her into continuing while she casually takes their glasses away. “But then there was this part of me that kept doubting myself, you know? Kept me wondering if it was a good idea, or if I was reading the signals right…

“And that part kept asking if you were really interested in me.”

Kamilah crosses the room before she’s even finished. That speed, both alluring and terrifying depending on who or what is coming at her; catching her breathless. She’s starting to think that’s the way Kamilah likes her best.

Nadya only realizes she’s pinned when it’s too late. Watches as Kamilah splays her long fingers against the glass beside Nadya’s head and curls her other hand in the hairs at the nape of her neck.

Well this escalated quickly.

Then she’s leaning forward and Nadya can taste the smoky cherry on her breath. There’s no rain to drown them out this time. The only thunder is what hammers between them.

“Answer something for me, Nadya.”

Has she ever noticed the way her name curls on Kamilah’s tongue? So terribly terribly sinful.

“Mm—Mmhm. Yes. Anything.”

And oooh boy she knows that look anywhere. Anything, well anything is a dangerous game. One she’s sure the immortal will definitely play if given the opportunity.

Whatever air might have been left between them Kamilah closes with a press of her hips.

“You’ve been in my home. You’ve seen my work. There are things you know about me that I would not share with a soul living or dead. And rarer still… you are one of the few lucky enough to have seen me at my most raw and bare.”

Her tongue flicks out — tastes the seam of Nadya’s lips — and she catches the hint of pearly fang hidden behind a smirk.

“Do I look to be the kind of woman to waste her time on that which does not hold her interest?”

Nadya’s fully prepared to answer — doesn’t realize it’s a rhetorical question until she can’t speak on account of the second tongue in her mouth.

They melt together; blood and water in the same glass. Both starkly different but entangled together in a mess of limbs and hair and hot, panted breaths more from one than the other.

Every moan and mewled gasp Kamilah eats up like a starving woman. Drinks in the taste of Nadya’s skin speckled with sweat from the curve of her jaw down to the dip of her fluttering pulse against her neck.

There’s no doubt about it: Kamilah’s way more into it than she was the last time. But Nadya wouldn’t trade either of these moments for anything in the world.

She tries to reach down and cradle Kamilah’s face — bring her back up to continue killing her through kisses — then she can’t move her hands. Can feel the flex of the vampire’s fingers entwined with hers and the hard press of the glass against her wrists. Swears the glass might let out a resistant creak or two.

“Did I say you could touch?” The words are purred; punctuated with scrapes of blunted teeth on her collarbone. Nadya’s heart feels like a hummingbird’s wings.

“S-Sorry.”

“You can do better than that.”

Ohmygod. “I’m sorry, Kamilah.”

She doesn’t know if that’s the word the woman wants — hopes it’s okay because she doesn’t want to try any funny business right now. Wants to say Kamilah’s name until it’s no longer a name but a series of letters strung together that she can’t even comprehend besides what they bring into her life: pleasure, joy, desire.

Thank god it’s enough. “Good girl.”

The world moves on without them while they stand there lost in bliss. In the burn of alcohol on savored lips and the flex of fingers as Nadya tests the waters — tests, but doesn’t breach them.

She’s never swam this far out in the sea before. It both terrifies and excites her. Kamilah both terrifies and excites her. Yet even treading open water she knows there’s no way the waves of feeling pushing off of the woman before her would ever let her drown.

Kamilah gives a soft nip to her jugular; sucks on the heated flesh and the liquid gold pounding beneath. Nadya closes her eyes on instinct. Tilts her head up to help ease of access.

Then the pleasure of plush lips stops. Nadya flexes — the grip is still there. Can still feel the presence radiating off of Kamilah’s body like an ancient ruin still standing.

She peeks open her eyes and tries not to startle at the sight in front of her. It’s one she’s seen before — and never, too, until now.

Nadya knows she’s safe because all it takes is a tap against the woman’s knuckles to free her hand. Yes, even without permission she reaches out and brushes aside the curtain of warm brown hair.

It’s not fear that turns away the vampire’s true nature; the subtle monster hidden just beneath the surface. No, Kamilah is too proud of who she is despite what she is to let that stop her.

But there’s a shadow in the look she gives Nadya that isn’t brought on by the night outside.

There are things you know about me that I would not share with a soul living or dead.

With a wordless burst of confidence (that she would wholly deny if this happens to go badly) Nadya’s grip tightens on Kamilah’s jaw. Holds her in place as she leans forward to drag the flat of her tongue over the razor’s edge of a fang.

It hurts — like all small wounds do — and the sudden coppery taste that coats the back of her throat is something she almost chokes on. But Nadya endures. Pushes her blood along Kamilah’s teeth.

She’s not giving permission, no, but allowing vulnerability. It’s hard to tell the difference but Kamilah’s helping her get there bit by bit.

Kamilah’s voice drops into a wanton moan. For the first time Nadya feels the weight of her immortality yield in tiny tremors wracked over her body. Feels the prickle of hairs standing tall down her lithe arms.

When they open Kamilah’s eyes are a thin red band around blown pupils. Her mouth hangs open ever-so-slightly. Panting; prone. Her tongue runs along the length of her teeth to suckle every last drop of blood to savor.

“I want you to have all of me.” whispers Nadya; enraptured by the sight before her.

The vampiress shakes out of some stupor. Starts to reach and Nadya brings her hand back up to the window but there’s nothing holding her there beyond a sheer will to please; to make Kamilah proud of her.

She doesn’t wait long to feel that touch again. To feel the tickle of a zipper sliding along her hip and her skirt struggle to stay held in place.

With a wave of Kamilah’s hand the skirt tickles her toes in a pool of fabric. The tips of sharp nails drag half-formed promises atop her nylons.

Their eyes meet. If there’s a game being played Nadya comes to the conclusion that she’s just lost.

She’s never been so incredibly happy about losing before.

“Are you truly aware of what you say; of what you’re offering?” Kamilah rasps. Traces the outer entrance of her human with coy intent.

Nadya nods. “Yes.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

“I know… I know what I’m offering, Kamilah.” It takes every ounce of her finite willpower to keep from keening; feels those nails press and drag and rip through the thin nude mesh and expose her skin to that tantalizing touch.

“Good. Now tell me again.”

“I’m offering all of me.”

“Again.”

“I’m offering —” this time there’s no playful teasing, only the way her panties are moved aside, “— all of m-me.”

“Again.”

The fingertip dips forward. Just a touch. Enough to coat the digit in slick.

Nadya wants to obey — wholly intends on it — but finds herself rendered mute at the sight of Kamilah bringing her hand up to her lips and sucking her skin clean.

But Kamilah doesn’t like to be kept waiting. Cocks an arched brow and pushes all her warning into one word: “Nadya…”

“I’m yours!”

Not what she was planning on saying but sometimes her lack of brain-to-mouth filter comes in handy. Especially in moments like this; where her heart overrides all thought and reason.

She’ll savor the victory of Kamilah’s surprised face later, it seems. If she’s still alive by the time they finish.

Judging by the fervent hunger with which Kamilah seals their unspoken pact in a kiss, though, that might be up in the air.

#bloodbound #kamilah x mc #kamilah sayeed #adrian raines #choices bloodbound #bloodbound mc #mc: nadya al jamil #oblv: bound by destiny #oblv: new chapter #; my fics #lily spencer

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tjkiahgb · 5 years

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Episode Recap: 3.14, “Hammer Time”

Homestretch, folks. Here we go.

Our episode begins in The Spoon, where Andi tells Buffy and Cyrus that Bex and Bowie’s wedding is off. Amber shows up and hears just enough to think Bex and Bowie broke up, but Andi’s like no, they’re just not getting married.

Amber’s like, oh, that’s not so bad.

Everyone lets that sad thought just linger in the air.

And then they move on without commenting.

I wish Amber had doubled down. “Well at least they aren’t having money troubles, right? Oh and also, my cat ran away. I don’t know if you have pets or anything, but I figured I’d just put that out there.”

Buffy and Cyrus continue to sympathize with Andi, but doing so only reminds her of the situation more and drives her further into rage. Andi feels furious about this whole thing and, what’s worse, she claims she can’t tell her parents about her fury because they told her she was entitled to her feelings.

Andi’s like, I guess that was a nice thing of them to say. It is nice. It’s mature.

Oh?

Cyrus says it’s like in dodgeball, where Andi has this ball of rage to throw at Bex and Bowie, but they’re ready for it, so they’ll just catch it.

One, that’s giving Bex and Bowie way too much credit. Manipulative suggests calculation. In no way are Bex and Bowie doing anything more than acting on instinct. They don’t have it in them.

Two, so the right thing to have done here on their part was to tell Andi to shut up? That she was overreacting, it’s not her marriage, it’s theirs so she has to deal with it, thus allowing her an opportunity to rage at them? That rage is only worthwhile if you can unleash on people by surprise? They must never see your rage coming. It should hit them in the back of a head like a dodgeball they weren’t expecting.

Maybe Andi should consider jumping on Bex’s bed at 3 in the morning one night and screaming in her face.

This whole thing is a very weird analogy that I feel Cyrus developed only by listening to every other word one of his parents once said about this issue. Or maybe not even this issue. Maybe they were just talking about dodgeball.

Cyrus doesn’t give it much more thought though, because he’s impressed with his ability to drop a metaphor out of nowhere.

And one about sports at that.

Andi wants to know what to do with her ball of rage. Amber has an idea.

Smash old junk.

It seems to work.

Later, Andi relaxes in her room and gets a call from Celia.

Well, she gets a Facetime from Celia but Celia has her phone too close to her head. Old people and technology, you know how it is.

Celia asks if Andi got her email. Andi’s like, email? I don’t know what that is, I’m not some Millennial.

You know what, I hate this show and I’m glad it’s cancelled.

Celia tells Andi to look at her email because she sent her a video of a wedding where everyone dances down the aisle and she’s thinking they should do that for Bex and Bowie’s wedding.

Then Andi watches Celia do the saddest silly grandma dance in the history of film and television as she notes how happy she looks and mentally notes how tragic it will be to stomp out that happiness.

Andi tells Bex that Celia called and wants to know when she plans on telling her that the wedding is off. Bex says she can’t yet. Andi wants to know why not. Because, Bex says, tomorrow is Celia’s birthday.

Wait, so Andi doesn’t remember her own grandma’s birthday? What did she think the fancy dinner they were going to the next night was about?

The next morning, Buffy meets up with Marty to do some cardio. She sees Marty’s footwear and has questions.

Oh God, he would. These weird toe shoes are so Marty. Kudos to whichever writer said “Marty should be wearing those weird toe shoes.” Nailed it.

Marty’s like, make fun of my toe shoes all you please, but I’m running a marathon this weekend. He’s been training half a year for this. Buffy’s like, ok, sounds fun, I’ll do it, too.

Marty’s like, you haven’t trained. Don’t do that. Buffy considers that a challenge. Marty lists the many ways this could go badly for her.

But Buffy’s lost all sense of reason.

This is like someone walking into an operating room and grabbing a scalpel and going, “Ok, let me at the patient.” And the doctors and nurses are screaming, “Ma’am, you cannot perform open-heart surgery without any training!” and they’re like, “Oh, you’re just scared they’re going to name the hospital after me.”

Jonah, meanwhile, walks down the sidewalk when he is ambushed by Cyrus.

Watch out, Jonah! Cyrus could have a ball of rage!

Luckily, Cyrus just wants to invite him to a campout to watch a meteor shower. Jonah is like, the meteors are not going to hit us, right? And Cyrus is like, no, it’s not like we’re Russia.

Cyrus says there will be s’mores. Jonah’s like, I haven’t had s’mores in a while.

Honestly, that’s not bad. It’s a B+ pun. Much better than I expected from Jonah “Danishes have eyes, I’m not making a joke here, I’m legit saying this” Beck.

At a fancy restaurant that night, Bex, Bowie, and Andi wait for Celia and Ham to show up. Yes, Ham. I raised my eyebrows when I heard that.

Bex, by the way, has achieved full mom status.

Celia finally shows up. Alone.

They ask where Ham is. Celia says he’s not coming. Is he ok? Yes, he’s fine, says Celia, he’s in INDIA.

That’s right. Ham is in Asia now. Don’t ask anymore questions about it and don’t you dare Google it.

Jonah shows up to Cyrus’s backyard and sees Cyrus has set up a huge tent.

He doesn’t know when the meteor shower is going to be so he figures they should wait it out in comfort.

Back at the restaurant, Andi, Bex, and Bowie ask Celia about the missing Ham. Celia says he went back to the ashram and didn’t say goodbye because he was worried they’d talk him out of it.

Bowie says that since he got back from India the first time, he seemed a little lost. Celia says she promises they will hear from him again.

Which sounds like a threat.

This whole scene makes you feel awkward for the actors and it feels surreal as an audience member, but I am honestly glad they aren’t just going to ignore Ham’s disappearance. Ham the character deserves better than to be ruined by whatshisname the criminal.

Bex and Andi agree to accept that Ham’s doing what he needs to do, so let’s just all of us accept that and not push the issue too much.

Moving on! Celia found the perfect venue for the wedding!

Which is insane seeing as the wedding was supposed to be in a few weeks and the invitations were supposed to have been sent days ago already. What did the invites even say?

Anyway, don’t think about that, look at the alpacas!

Celia says the alpaca farm is a warm and inviting space. Celia’s very excited but everyone else is struggling. Bex looks at the alpacas wistfully. She says they should talk about it later.

But Celia realizes something is up and wants to know what. Bex starts to come clean.

At Cyrus’s, Jonah reads up on asteroids. He says one could hit Earth in 2071, which reminds him of the plot of The Sixth Sense for some reason.

Cyrus gets upset about the spoiler and then wants to know who Bruce Willis is. Come on. Isn’t he a student of cinema? He doesn’t know what Die Hard is? I’m irrationally angry about this.

Jonah wants to know when this event is happening and Cyrus says there’s no way to tell, so in the meantime...

Ah yes, charcuterie, which is, I believe, French for “chewy and dry.”

Jonah panics. You can’t bring meat on a camping trip, it attracts wild animals. Cyrus thinks he’s freaking out unnecessarily. They’re in Cyrus’s backyard. What kind of wildlife lives in the suburbs? And, on cue, suburban-dwelling wildlife makes noise right outside the tent.

Back at the restaurant, Celia gathers herself. She wants to know, yes or no, are Bex and Bowie getting married?

Disappointment washes over Celia. She’s upset they were just going to let her sit there and babble on about a wedding that wasn’t happening. Andi says they didn’t want to ruin her birthday and create a sad public situation.

You know, like this...

Celia snuffs out the candle the way her hopes for the wedding were snuffed out.

Back inside Cyrus’s tent, Cyrus and Jonah freak out about the wild animal that’s come sniffing for their bitter cheeses.

Cyrus is worried about going outside because he thinks a coyote will drag him off into the woods.

But Jonah tells him they just want his Banjo Kazooie. Jonah thinks they can chuck the meat away and run, but the zipper to the tent won’t open. They now think they’re stuck in the tent, but Cyrus comes up with a plan: cheese knife.

Cyrus’s attempts end as feebly as would be expected, so Jonah takes over and jabs the knife through the tent. He cuts a hole big enough to get his head through and peeks out. He doesn’t spot wildlife, but, just to be safe, he uses his frisbee skills, honed over a lifetime of practicing the ‘bee, and hucks the charcuterie board into Cyrus’s neighbor’s yard anyway.

Now, in real life, a wild toss like that would send meats and cheeses everywhere. Mostly all over Cyrus’s backyard.

But, for some reason, those meats and cheeses appear stapled down to that board, so they go sailing into the neighbor’s yard nice and clean.

The two hear footsteps retreating and feel the day is saved. Or, at least, it is for now until someone has to explain why a pack of timberwolves tore apart the Hendersons next door and left nothing but various bones and viscera and assorted cheeses and meats in their wake.

Cyrus and Jonah emerge from the tent and look towards the sky.

Just in time to spot a beautiful sight.

A Windows 95 screensaver! You know they say you can only spot one of those in the sky every 75 years.

You guys, I lost my mind at this. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.

They must’ve blown their entire graphics budget on pasting Jonah’s face on everyone’s head in the dream wedding and this was like the best graphics that could be bought on whatever Terri Minsky had in her pockets that day. This is what you get when the show’s editors take part in “Bring your child to work day.”

Why include the two in the image at all? Just show the sky! They look like they’re glowing. I put this into photoshop and used the magic wand tool and it gave me a super clean cut-out of the two.

Cyrus and Jonah go sit down and watch the meteor shower.

Why didn’t they just buy stock footage of a meteor shower? I can’t deal with this.

Jonah asks what happened to that place in Russia but Cyrus says he’ll tell him tomorrow, once the adrenaline wears off.

The next day, Buffy and Marty get ready to marathon. Marty tries to warn Buffy: they should both do their own thing, run their own pace, not make this a race. This, as you might imagine, is ignored.

Buffy takes off running.

Bex, meanwhile, arrives home. Celia is giving her the silent treatment. She’s locked herself in her room and won’t come out. You know, like an adult.

Bex says Celia is beyond angry. Andi gets it.

Andi’s like, she can’t let it go. Bex says she has to. What is she going to do with it? If you’re not careful, Bex, she’s going to nail you in the back of the head with it when you’re not ready for it. Dodgeball!

Andi has an idea though. She going to take her to “a place” but she won’t tell Bex because "this place is not for you,” which is way too ominous a thing for a child to say. That’s the kind of thing that’s scratched into the stone above the entrance to an ancient tomb.

Back at the marathon, Buffy is... not doing well.

She probably went way too fast out the gates and burned through her energy. This is something you learn not to do in marathon training. Alas.

Marty catches up to her. And then catches her.

He helps her over to a bench. Buffy fights him but is just about out of energy. He says they should get her to a doctor, she tells him to go on without her. He doesn’t want to, so she starts laying into him.

I gotta say, not as catchy as Marty from the Party.

Marty finally relents and leaves her as a knockoff Imagine Dragons song plays.

Picture Minotaurs? Envision Griffins? Visualize Unicorns? Should I continue? Am I just doing this for myself at this point? Consider Werewolves. Ok, that’s the last one.

Andi brings Celia to the Rage Cage. She takes to it naturally.

It seems to work.

At the park, Marty comes running back to Buffy, who’s still lying on the bench. He accuses her of trying to “White Fang” him.

When Buffy tries to play dumb, Marty tells her she made him watch the movie. Why did Buffy make Marty watch a 30 year old Ethan Hawke movie that was like... fine? I don’t know, but the point is, he learned his lesson from it, which was that he had to come back for her even though she was mean to him.

Buffy’s like, so are we just going to sit here then?

So Marty runs, I guess, a huge chunk of a marathon with Buffy on his back.

They cross the finish line at 7+ hours and both get medals. Wait. Buffy gets a medal for riding on someone else’s back? I could do that! This whole time I’ve never attempted a marathon because I thought you had to run it. This opens a whole new world of possibilities to me. Can you like, ride a horse through a marathon? Do both you and the horse get medals?

Buffy thanks Marty and they walk off together.

Oh, now she can walk.

Back at the Rage Cage, Celia’s time is up. She’s fully bought into the rage life.

Andi hears someone else raging nearby and finds Amber. She’s crying.

Andi asks what’s wrong and Amber says it’s Jonah. He’s not doing enough. She’s the one who always has to text or call him but he’s not putting in the effort. Just the same six emojis.

Andi says maybe that’s the max you’ll get from Jonah, but Amber wonders if maybe it’s because he doesn’t really like her.

Andi says if she’s this unhappy, maybe she should break up with Jonah, but Amber can’t. Why?

Amber! Whoa! The L-Bomb?!

Reduce your speed! Hit the brakes! Pull the emergency brake! Pull it so hard you enter into a drift. Risk flipping the car if you have to because you are going way. Too. Fast.

Andi looks at her like, “Yikes.”

But not like a Yikes! yikes, more like an empathetic yikes.

Either way.

Yikes.

#Andi Mack #Cyrus Goodman #Buffy Driscoll #Jonah Beck #Bex Mack #Bowie Quinn #Celia Mack #Amber #Marty #Andi #episode recaps

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kittenshift-17 · 5 years

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that whole is ‘i love you’ ‘you don’t but thanks for saying it anyway’ UGH I HATED THAT. GOD it was just so patronizing! like thx for sacrificing urself! could’ve given this to my ex but i chose you! bc ur in love with me and will do anything for me! like that was just a slap in the face. she clearly never saw him as an equal even with a soul. with angel she would’ve given him a million chances even if he killed more people she loved but spike was just a punching bag. (4/multi)

Actually, for my own thinking (which I confess has been wildly influenced by the amount of Spuffy fanfic I’ve devoured) I do think Buffy meant it when she said she loved him. I think that SMG did a really bad job delivering that line, but I do think she loved him. Maybe not like we would hope, but she realised when she was about to lose him that she loved him and liked having him in her life. We see that in the way she says “I’m not ready for your to not be here” and we see it depicted through the eyes of the others, like Giles, “There’s a connection. He relies on you. You rely on him.”

There’s no denying that they do feel something for each other. I think it’s just that Buffy spent so long fighting it - so long being determined to hate him, and to want nothing to do with him even when she lusted after him, that even then - even when he’s about to die after proving once and for all that he IS the good guy, despite a lifetime as the Big Bad - it’s hard for Buffy to accept, and harder for her to admit. The human animal is conditioned to believe that we’re never wrong, and to feel shame and anger when it’s proved that we are, in fact, incorrect about something. Buffy is stubborn and prideful and self-righteous and to have been so wrong about Spike, and to have made him suffer for it - to have made herself suffer for it by resisting him when she could’ve been loving him - had to be a bitter pill to swallow.

Spike’s evil. There is no doubt about that. He’s without conscience for the majority of the series, and he proves time and again that he’s in it for himself first, and everyone else as an afterthought. Even when he admits that’s he’s a Grey Hat, or even part of the Scooby Gang, he is begrudging and childish and immature about it. You spend a century being evil and ruthless and a killer, having been trained in it from when he first rose at Angel’s knee, and it’s a hard habit to break. He plays Kitten Poker, don’t forget. He eats kittens. He eats babies and little children. When he first comes to Sunnydale, he kills a man who he claims is too old, because he prefers lamb to mutton. He’s not going to eat him. He just kills him for kicks. Like... Spike is a bad guy. He’s a Big Bad and he’s proud of it because in the world he’s come to know, that’s the thing to be. The demonic underworld is where the biggest and baddest are the best off and the most popular and Spike covets that and acts in whatever way necessary to be that and maintain that for a long time. He pitted his will against Buffy. Stalked her. Studied her. Learned everything he could about her in an effort to kill her - and he didn’t have any good reason for wanting to kill her, other than to improve his reputation as the Slayer of Slaryers and an extra oomph for his Big Bad image. He didn’t need her blood. He didn’t need her soul. He didn’t need to kill her. He just wanted to. Okay, yes, so did Angel, but at least with Angel it was because he claimed she made him feel human and without his soul, being/feeling human is a despicable weakness. Humans today kill people for that very reason. Spike just wanted to kill her because he thought it would be fun, and because he wanted the thrill of the fight and the rush of tasting her blood.

So, yeah. I do understand Buffy being a bitch to him all that time, and I understand Buffy hating herself and beating herself up for wanting him even despite knowing what a bad guy he was, had been, is, and could return to being. Don’t forget that when Spike came back to Sunnydale and got chipped in the first place, he came back with the Gem of Amara, intending to kill Buffy. He still tried to kill her and to hurt her friends several times even after he was chipped. He wasn’t all sunshine and puppies. That said, neither was Buffy, and the older and more mature she gets, the more we see of that.

The show did a fabulous job of depicting the hard knocks that come amid the transititon from idealistic teenager into cynnical young adult and I commend all of the writers for the way they portrayed that. Buffy grows steadily more bitter with age, not just after being ripped out of heaven, but right from the beginning. We see the idealism and hope of first love, and the crushing pain when it’s dashed. We see the fear and despair of learning someone we love has betrayed us and wants to hurt us. We see the betrayal of a father figure turning on us for the sake of doing his job, and the misjudgements our parents make. We see the transition from high school into the real world, and the way it can warp and twist friendships we’d relied so heavily upon into something that becomes a chore. We see the way friendships change as we grow apart, and the way the choices our friends make impact not just their lives, but ours too. We see the way it feels to want someone you know is bad for you; someone who is bad, period. We see the trials of losing a parent, and takcling motherhood, and the tribulations of needing to find work to have money, and the wretched disappointment when the good things we were all promised don’t pan out that way. Watching those scenes as an adult, having lived a number of them myself, those things are bang on, man.

There are definitely things about the show that I hate; that “I love you” “No you don’t, but thanks for saying it” scene among them, but there is so much richness there, that how can you not love it? Even in that scene, those words from Spike scream so much. They show that he’s been pushed away one too many times. That he doesn’t trust easily anymore, not even himself, and especially not Buffy. I truly think in those moments, when Buffy says she loves him, she can barely beleive it herself, and she doesn’t want to say it at all, but she says it anyway because she knows this is her last chance to do so - her only chance to do so - and we also see how Spike’s been bitten once too often to beleive her. He wanted so long for her to love him, and she spurned him every time. Never said it. Refused to feel it, even, perhaps, when she did feel it just the same way she felt lust for him. He doesn’t believe her because he’s spent a lifetime, it seems, listening to her tell him what a monster he is and how she could never love something like him. He refuses the words because he thinks she’s only saying them out of pity. And in a way, she kind of is. Were he not about to save the world by sacrificing himself, she likely never would’ve fully, truly beleived it herself that she loved him, and even if she did, she would never say it. She only says it because he is dying, and so he thinks she is only saying it to make him happy in his final moments. But there’s too much pain and too much bad blood and bad feelings and hurt and anger and betrayal there for it to feel like more than a platitiude to Spike.

As a fangirl, as a viewer, a reader and a writer, the whole scene is a kick in the gut and not the HEA we all so desperately wanted for the two of them. But as an adult, as a person with understanding of everything Joss was trying to portray - everything that is so much bigger than fanciful romance - I do completely understand the purpose and maybe even the necessity of that scene playing out exactly as it was written. No matter how painful and ugly and disappointing. That’s life, after all....

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ettadunham · 5 years

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A Buffy rewatch 6x22 Grave

aka doesn’t matter i still love you

Welcome to this dailyish (weekly? bi-weekly?) text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and go on an impromptu rant about it for an hour. Is it about one hyperspecific thing or twenty observations? 10 or 3k words? You don’t know! I don’t know!!! In this house we don’t know things.

And today’s episode is easily the most unconventional season finale of the show (excluding Restless, which is more of a bonus episode). Buffy doesn’t defeat the Big Bad. Or... does she?

Fun fact, Grave is the only season finale that wasn’t written by Joss Whedon. Well, depending on whether you count Primeval or Restless as the finale of season 4, since the former was also penned by David Fury instead of Whedon.

But this episode has many other distinctions as well. It comes at the heels of an already subversive season, that was meant to deconstruct the very structure of the show, as well as its characters.

Deconstruction however is tough. If you don’t do it well, your audience will rightfully call you out on needlessly pulling your story in an often darker direction to seem fake deep or interesting.

And I feel like season 6 has plenty of criticisms on that front. This certainly wasn’t one of my favorite seasons on my first, or even second go at it. It’s hard seeing characters you love hurting and acting against their own self interests. It’s even harder to see them hurt each other.

This time around however, I wanted to not only look past those previous misgivings I had, but appreciate them and what they mean to the story. Because truth be told, I’m not sure season 6 is actually more flawed than any other season of Buffy.

That doesn’t mean that there aren’t issues – Willow’s drug addiction metaphor was pushed way too hard and took away from the themes of power and control surrounding her narrative for one –, but every season has its hurdles and strengths. Season 2 had an excellent arc, but a lot of confusing fillers. Season 4 meanwhile had great standalones, but a weak overall Big Bad. Every season had its missteps, and a lot of those are subjective to begin with. One girl’s Go Fish is anothers Beer Bad.

There are no wrong answers on this quiz.

So yeah, I went into season 6 not only knowing what to expect, but expecting to gain a new, more favorable perspective on it. And that’s more or less what I got.

Sure, there are things to criticize. But what I’ve been enjoying about this Buffy rewatch in particular, is the opportunity to write long paragraphs of nonsense rather than just saying “Thing Bad”.

Look at Tara’s death. I am perpetually ready to fight Joss Whedon over that in a parking lot, but it also gave us one of the most memorable examples of a hero going dark. And people’s been coming up fixes to that storyline for years (Xander being the one to die is a popular alternative among some fans, but also time travel if you go by fanfics), but it only goes to show that that story itself still worked.

…it’s just that it works in a horrible cultural context that’s rightfully criticized for perpetuating harmful notions, especially for some of the most vulnerable of our population, and the role of media in our society as both a reflection and a model can’t be ignored and should be discussed in order to call attention to these patterns.

Anywho. Grave.

As mentioned before, this is a rather unconventional season finale. Buffy doesn’t even get to fight the Big Bad, aka Willow in this one. Instead the initial showdown happens between Giles and Willow, at least up until the moment Willow breaks free.

That doesn’t mean that Buffy doesn’t fight though. She runs to save Dawn and Xander (and also Jonathan and Andrew I guess), and then when she gets stuck underground with Dawn, she fights to get out. And then she fights some magic zombie skeletons.

More importantly though, Buffy fights her own depression. She’s fighting to see that beauty and meaning in life that she failed to convince Willow of in the last episode.

She even talks to Giles about this. She tells him that she doesn’t understand why she’s here, why she’s alive, and Giles’s response of how she has a calling feels unsatisfying.

Others would’ve taken her place. She was done.

Then why is she here now?

And Giles doesn’t have an answer to that. Because they both know that there isn’t one. There isn’t a purpose to life, no all-encompassing explanation. We all have to find our own answers to get us through the day.

And by the end, Buffy finds hers in Dawn. Seeing life through her eyes, her future, the many things that’s yet to come. It’s arguably a bit clumsy, and I wish we built more on this theme between Buffy and Dawn this season, but it does tie into another aspect of the episode.

While season 6 in itself is a deconstruction of the show, this finale, and Buffy’s arc in particular, is clearly a subversion of the end of season 5. And in true Buffy fashion, a very unsubtle one at that.

In The Gift, the sun coming up marked the turning point for Buffy, the realization that she can save Dawn by sacrificing herself.

In Grave, the sun comes up right after Giles confirms that Willow’s going to end the world.

In the season 5 finale, Buffy jumps to her death. At the end of season 6, she crawls out of the ground to live.

I could go on, but you get my point.

This is also just a great moment for Dawn, as she interrogates Buffy on why she didn’t tell her what Spike did, and reminds Buffy how she can’t protect her from the world. Tragedy happens either way.

BUFFY: “Dawn, I'm trying to protect you.” DAWN: “Well, you can't! Look around, Buffy. We're trapped in here! Willow's killing and people I love keep dying! And you cannot protect me from that.”

At the center of it all though is Willow. I’ve already been through the broad strokes here; basically, Willow’s rampage is about avoiding feeling her pain and grief.

And Giles understands that. I absolutely love Anthony Stewart Head’s performance in this one; Giles is focused and cautious, but there’s also genuine pain and concern in his expression as he’s talking to Willow. I also love this exchange around the end of their fight:

GILES: “Your powers may be undeniably greater. But I can still hurt you if I have to.” WILLOW: “Boy, you just don't get it, do you? Nothing can hurt me now. This? *heals a cut on her face* Is nothing. It's all... nothing.” GILES: “I see. If you lose someone you love, the other people in your life who care about you become meaningless. I wonder what Tara would say about that.”

Yup. Giles definitely knows how to hurt Willow. Willow’s line of “it’s all… nothing” is also a lot, especially that little melancholic tint that Alyson Hannigan delivers it with.

But apparently this was all part of Giles’ plan to get Willow to take his magic away, so it would open up her to feel again. However, his line to her afterwards about how “she can make it stop” naturally backfires.

Willow’s been doing all this in order to stop the pain. Giles wants her to feel it to get through it, but Willow predictably would rather see the whole world burn than feel it anymore.

I’m not a super big fan of the narrative choice to have Giles comment upon what’s happening through his link to Willow after that, especially by the end as Xander shows up with her. But I do like those initial lines when he first feels what Willow does, and you can see the pain through him.

Giles later says that the magic she took from him tapped into Willow’s remaining humanity, but I’m not sure I would use that wording. Willow tried to avoid and shut off her pain through her murder trip, but that was still her. Her humanity, her pain was there underneath all along – Giles’ plan just made it harder for her to repress those emotions.

So, hence why she decided to go full apocalypse in order to stop feeling them anymore.

It definitely made it easier for Xander to get through to her in that moment too. But maybe he didn’t even need the extra supernatural help for that.

Willow spent the last three episodes trying to get away from herself. She didn’t want to come back, and she made sure to burn all her bridges in the process. Knowing that what she’s done would cost her friends only strengthened her resolve.

And here comes Xander, out of nowhere. Xander with his familiar, signature jokes, the ones that he cracks in order to cope with life.

More importantly, Xander doesn’t blink. He doesn’t fight or argues with Willow. Doesn’t try to convince her to stop. And that, paired with the familiarity momentarily disarms Willow. So she counters that by lashing out, hurting Xander.

But Xander, once again, doesn’t blink. Because he’s not bluffing. When he says that he’s okay with the world ending as long as he gets to be with his best friend, it’s because he means it.

This is a difference that I’ve been alluding with Buffy for a while now. Buffy can’t do what Xander does here. She can’t put the whole world aside to be with her best friend. That’s not who she is.

It’s definitely who Xander is though. Right or wrong, he always goes with his heart.

So, that’s what he does. He does exactly what Willow mocks him for, and tells her that he loves her.

Even if she kills him, he’ll still love her.

The fear of being unlovable is ingrained into us all on some level. It creeps in when we least expect it. Fear that we’re not good enough. Fear that we can never live up to others expectations of us. Fear that we won’t be accepted. Fear that we can’t be forgiven.

That’s why there’s so much power in unconditional love. Being told that we’ll be loved, no matter what.

We often don’t even realize the anxiety and fears we have about it and how deep they go; so the sheer relief upon hearing those words can be unexpected and overwhelming. And Willow’s no exception.

Again, she tries lashing out, telling Xander to stop, hurting him, but it’s of no use. All he does is repeat those words, even while suffering through the pain that was inflicted on him. By her. “I love you. I love you.”

And when Willow breaks, she breaks hard. Letting herself go in her best friend’s arms, feeling all of her grief at once.

Platonic love saves the day, as the show once again invokes Sarah McLachlan in its final moments. It’s a less memorable song choice than Full of Grace was at the end of season 2, but it’s a nice callback to that.

Oh, and Spike’s got his soul back, after the last few episodes aggressively tried red-herring that he went to remove his chip.

Overall, as I said, I enjoyed this season. As with all seasons, there were things that worked less so, but I generally liked the deconstruction that we’ve got around to. Instead of a Big Bad representing a metaphor for Buffy to overcome, we’ve made those struggles real. The Big Bad of season 6 was Buffy’s depression, Willow’s addiction and need for control, Xander’s baggage, and so on.

We also didn’t need to turn the characters inside out to have these turns and conflicts. The season built on well-established character flaws, and guided us through a journey full of ups and downs, culminating in an emotionally cathartic finale.

I think I’m ready for the finish line.

#buffy rewatch 2k19 #btvs talk #btvs

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travllingbunny · 5 years

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The 100 rewatch: 4x11 The Other Side

Now that I’m finally on my vacation and have the time to write these posts, I need to catch up. I actually rewatched up to 5x04, so now I need to go over 7 episodes so I could continue my rewatch of season 5.

Season 4 is one of my favorite seasons of The 100 mostly because of its last 3 episodes, which are all among my all-time favorites episodes of the show. While I still think that 2x16 is the show’s strongest finale, season 4 has the strongest finish with 3 amazing episodes in a row. It helps that this is both the stage of the season when we’re past the plotlines about Grounder politics and religion – never my favorite part of the show, though it was better done in season 4 than in season 3 – and where the focus was on what made season 4 so good: human drama and conflict between people and within people’s minds and souls, in the face of the end of the world and an enemy that cannot be defeated: climate change in its most extreme version.

One of the three storylines in 4x11 is the tense standoff about who will be in the bunker and survive, which turns the main characters against each other, including Clarke against Bellamy, but where none of the sides are villainous and everyone has good reasons for what they are doing. The show prides itself on grey morality, but it doesn’t always get it right – this is one of the times it does.

But while that storyline is the usual story of people fighting for survival (for themselves, their loved ones, whoever they consider “their people” – since the morally right goal of saving everyone is impossible), the other two plots are about people who have decided that they don’t want to survive, or who are struggling to decide whether they want to live or not.

It’s also the episode remembered for the first death of a main character who was a part of the original cast at the start of season 1 since episode 2x08. It’s one of the saddest deaths on The 100, but also one of those that felt most unavoidable.

“See you on the other side” is one of those repetitive catchphrases on The 100 that has changed its meaning so much over time Jasper said it several times – I remember that he said it in The Pilot, just about to cross the river (just before he got speared and nearly died), in 3x13 just before drinking the potion that Luna’s people gave him and others so they would lose consciousness before they take them to their oil rig – and he tells it to Monty as he is about to die.

This story of PTSD was done much better than whatever the show was doing with Finn. There is a parallel between Jasper and Octavia in how damaged they were after to the deaths of their first real love, but while Octavia mostly directed her grief outward into violence and, for a while, murder (an with a dash of death wish), Jasper was only verbally aggressive to others – and more so in season 3 than in season 4 – but his psychological state mostly manifested in his loss of a will for survival.

This storyline is very controversial, from the fans who started hating Jasper and calling him annoying – because the show was honest about the fact that depressed people are not always pleasant to be around – to people who were upset that the story didn’t get an uplifting outcome with Jasper overcoming his problems. But it wouldn’t be realistic if everyone in the show overcome their traumas. In reality, some people just break and stay broken. And I think it’s important to show that, too. It doesn’t make the story hopeless and nihilistic, because, at the same time – and in this very episode – we also get stories of people – Harper, Raven - who do manage to overcome trauma and decide to live.

I’m still glad that the show didn’t go with their original idea – Jasper shooting himself in the season 3 finale, right after he wrote his suicide letter. Not just because his death would have been overshadowed by other deaths that season, and because it would’ve made season 3 way too dark, but also because, in a way, his season 4 arc and suicide was less bleak, odd as that may sound. Season 3 Jasper was focused on his pain, anger and despair, while season 4 Jasper was reconciled with the idea he would die, and focused on going out having some fun before his death.

I also think it would be very unrealistic if, in the face of such bleak future – probable death of radiation or years of possibly awful life stuck in a bunker – at least some people wouldn’t make the decision to live out the rest of the days with an end-of-the-world party and go out in their own time, at their own choice and in a more pleasant way, such as overdosing of drug-like tea. And knowing how things turn out in the rest of season 4 – and that most of them would probably be condemned to death of radiation, anyway – and how horrible the life in the bunker ended up being (and that it took the lives of almost 400 out of the 1200 people), I can’t really say that those who stayed behind in Arkadia and committed suicide made a wrong choice, even if it’s not a choice I would make.

Jasper’s death scene, his last moments with Monty, is beautiful and heartbreaking. But I still didn’t cry during that scene in this rewatch, which surprised me. Then I was even more surprised when the tears only came later when Monty found out that Harper was alive and she told him she loved him, which she had tried to deny before, because she wanted Monty to leave her and not risk his life for her. I think it’s because, for tears, you need some kind of catharsis, a relief, and there is nothing like that in Jasper’s death scene. It’s like watching the Buffy episode The Body – similar to dealing with deaths of people close to you in real life, where you’re just frozen and you’re not getting any kind of closure or seeing any kind of meaning. Monty keeps fighting and trying to stop Jasper from killing himself even after it is already too late, or getting angry that he can’t do anything about it anymore. because it’s not in Monty’s nature to give up hope. And that’s why he doesn’t even say “I love you” when Jasper asks him to, until it is too late and Jasper cannot hear it anymore, because to say it would mean to accept his death.

Monty has lost so much at this point – having to kill his mother twice, now losing his best friend who was like a brother to him, that the moment when he thinks that Harper is dead (seeing a dead body of a blonde woman, who turns out to be Bree), and then realizes that Harper is alive was such a big relief both because of Harper and because Monty has managed to save someone he loves, and his arc is not all grief and darkness.

Oh, the times when Raven used to be really a main character and had a great arc about struggling with her pain, disability, and (temporary) loss of mental functions! (I love season 6 and it may end up as my favorite season, but it pretty much made Raven a side character and didn’t do her too many favors.) Though the Raven episode most often compared to 6x07 Nevermind is 3x11 Nevermore (because of the similar title and same writer), Raven’s story in 4x11 actually is more similar to Clarke’s story in 6x07: it’s an internal struggle where she is deciding whether she wants to live, and where she talks to dead characters, who are actually embodiments of parts of her own mind, pulling her in different directions and fighting for her soul. Here they are “Becca”, tempting Raven to die, because a part of her doesn’t believe she can still be the brilliant mind who solves all the problems – and “Sinclair”, who helps Raven find hope and fight to live, and come up with a solution how to heal her brain. She does it by basically “rebooting” herself through temporary “death” – which is similar to how Gabriel brought back Clarke in 6x10. Considering the fact that Sinclair is just a product of Raven’s mind, it’s a bit funny when he tells Raven that she shouldn’t compare herself to Da Vinci and Mozart etc. because she’s better than all of them – but I guess Raven is imagining Sinclair as giving her huge amounts of praise in order to give her faith in herself. He was always the mentor/friend who gave her a chance to work as a mechanic on the Ark and believed in her even when she didn’t believe in herself.

The bunker drama

I wasn’t happy with the way 4x10 put Clarke is a pseudo-antagonist role, by focusing on the Conclave (an incredibly stupid way to resolve the question of survival of the human race) with Octavia as the hero, and making the viewers forget what the situation was when Clarke made her decision. Add to that that she is pitted against Bellamy, and that she is siding with Jaha, and you have all the ingredients for the fandom to see Clarke as a villain. But in fact, her decision made most sense in the circumstances – not only was Octavia realistically unlikely to win, but the most likely outcome was that Luna would win and doom the entire human race to die. But this episode corrects that and explains her reasons – and that they are different from Jaha’s. Once that the news comes that Octavia has won and decided to share the bunker – which was Clarke’s suggestion that all the Grounder leaders ignored in 4x09 – the situation changes completely, and it’s obvious that Clarke, who already didn’t feel good about what she was doing, started having doubts, while Jaha was very sure that what they were doing was right, and insisted that it’s all about saving their people.

Clarke, on the other hand, thinks that Skaikru need to be in the bunker because they are the only ones who can operate machines that ensure such things as air and water in the bunker, so they’re essential for the survival of the human race. Which is true. But sharing the bunker would also solve that. However, at that point, no one is sure if Grounders already know about them stealing the bunker and if they will start killing all of the Skaikru. Bellamy has faith that Octavia can stop it, but not everyone does.

Of course, even if Clarke had good reasons to steal the bunker, the whole thing with kidnapping Bellamy and keeping him there against his will, chained, while he was desperate to save his sister, was another messed up thing to do, and Clarke clearly didn’t feel good about that, either. It’s the understandable why she did it, to save his life, but I’ve never been OK with the “kidnapping/imprisoning you for your own good” thing, whether it was Lexa kidnapping Clarke and keeping her prisoner for a week in Polis, Bellamy handcuffing Clarke to make her prisoner in Arkadia, or Clarke keeping Bellamy chained up.

That said, I’m not sure how certain Clarke was sure that keeping the bunker closed was the right thing to do, either, because when she was explaining her reasons to Niylah, she seemed to really be talking to herself and trying to convince herself, and Niylah was just a sounding board. That relationship always consisted of Niylah being Clarke’s friend who was there to comfort her when she needed some human touch but wasn’t able to turn to anyone she had stronger emotions for – and while they had sex a couple of times in the past, this time Clarke just needed someone to lie beside her and put an arm around her, but when she talked about the reasons, she had her back to Niylah and not even looking at her, but looking somewhere into the distance.

The relationship between Clarke and Jaha is a pretty interesting one, and I wish it had been explored more, but they did do some of it here. He was a close family friend she grew up with, almost an uncle figure, then he became the symbol of everything she hated, the person who executed her father and imprisoned her for a year. Earlier on in season 4, she was still calling him out on what he did to Jake, but then, having to do things like make the list, she started thinking that she was turning into Jaha. In this episode, even though Clarke was the one who came up with the idea to steal the bunker, Jaha was the one who was confident about what they were doing and acted like he was in charge (prompting Bellamy to make the good observation “I don’t remember the election that made you the chancellor again”) convincing the uncertain Clarke that their path was right. It reminded me a bit of the dynamic between Pike and Bellamy in S3.

This whole situation was pretty complicated: on one hand, Clarke was telling herself that she was saving the human race by saving “her people”, but if everything was resolved without bloodshed, sharing the bunker would mean letting more people potentially survive, because the bunker had the capacity of holding 1200 people, while there were just a little over 400 Sky people. So, one could argue that the “big picture” favored opening the bunker ASAP. For Jaha, it was all about “saving our people”. But what does “my people/our people” mean? Everyone defines that according to how they feel. Jaha sees it as the collective of people from the Ark that he feels responsible for – but 1) it’s not like the lives of people from the Ark are inherently more important than the lives of people known as Grounders, and 2) some of those “our people” were not even in the bunker. Kane, Octavia, Raven, Monty would be left to die, among others. On the personal level, who is more “your person” than your lover or child or sibling, or close friend? But Jaha has always had a rather tribalistic vision and cared more as his people as a collective, than the individual people in that group. Kane was the closest thing to a friend Jaha had at this point, but he was OK with leaving him to die. But it was obvious that Bellamy would never agree to leaving Octavia to die, and Abby would never agree to leave Kane. And if Bellamy or Abby were outside the bunker, I’m 100% sure Clarke wouldn’t agree to leave them to die, either. However, after his wife’s and son’s death, Jaha didn’t have anyone he loved so much that he couldn’t sacrifice them. And since he kind of sacrificed his son to the “big picture” – by putting him at risk of death (which kept haunting him), I think that Jaha doubled down on his belief in his messianic role to save the Arker,s and that he had kind of convinced himself everyone else should be able to sacrifice their loved ones to that.

Which is why he didn’t see it coming when Abby stuck a syringe in him and knock him out, to go and help Bellamy go and open the bunker door. I remember that I saw that coming the first time I watched it and even guessed Abby’s reply to Jaha saying that he’s sorry about Kane’s inevitable death: “He was a good man”. – “He still is”. Jaha was also wrong to bring up Jake, because I think that Abby’s guilt over betraying Jake (which led to Jaha executing him – which she did not anticipate) only made her more determined to do differently this time and save Kane and not betray him. Oh, the time when Abby doing things to save Kane was something you could root for and that didn’t cross the line into creepy, misguided and deeply morally wrong!

This is one of the very few times in the show where Abby and Bellamy had significant interactions – even working together. And they managed to fool Murphy.

I love the fact that Bellamy made himself look self-destructive, by injuring himself while chained, only because he had a plan how to get out and open the door.

This is one of the two or three times in seasons 3-4 when Bellamy tells Murphy that he has no idea what it’s like to love someone, and Murphy has to keep explaining that he’s wrong and referencing his love for Emori.

Being focused on the big picture and trying to save the human race, as Clarke was doing throughout season 4, made her have to repress her feelings and almost severed her human connections (e.g. leaving some of her best friends out of the list, stealing the bunker even though some of the were outside and she was leaving them to die). She’s never been more “Head” than in season 4, because she believed she really had to be. But Bellamy was always her one soft spot where her ability to repress emotions for the ‘greater good’ would hit a brick wall. Bellamy (and Octavia, probably because of him) had to be on the list, not because of any objective reasons (which doesn’t mean that Bellamy isn’t very valuable for his leadership qualities, but that wasn’t why she put him there), even when she was leaving out a genius like Monty. We’ll never know if she could have stayed strong if ALIE had tortured/threatened to kill Bellamy (because the show hinted he was her biggest ‘weakness’ but never allowed that to happen), but she did let hundreds of people die in bombing mostly to protect him, she gave up 50 spots for her people to survive, when Roan blackmailed her by threatening to kill Bellamy, which Roan knew would work because threatening to kill Bellamy got Clarke in season 3 to give up fighting and let him take her to what she thought would be her death at Nia’s hands, and now, she was convinced that she was ensuring the survival of human race by not opening the bunker, but she still couldn’t bring herself to shoot him. But even the fact she thought she could do it shows how out of touch with her emotions she was at that point: Girl, I could have told you there’s no way you would be able to.

I’ve always thought – after seeing how the next two episodes of season 4 went (and then the next two seasons confirmed that) – that the moment when Clarke couldn’t shoot Bellamy and ended up crying, was the moment when she finally faced up to how she feels about him, and that she’s been aware of her feelings ever since. (Even if you disagree on that, there is no way you could spend 6 years on her own, radioing him every day, without realizing exactly what you feel.)

In 4x10, Bellamy was worrying that he wasn’t able to tell his sister that he loves her. When Bellamy and Octavia reunite and hug, Bellamy tells her “I love you so much” – which is the first time we’ve ever seen him say “I love you” to someone. To date, Octavia is the only person he’s said it to on-screen.

Octavia exiles Echo – pulling the “I said your people will get to survive, not you” trick, and considering all her experiences with Echo up to that point. I don’t blame her at all. She correctly guesses that Echo won’t tell the other Grounders (other than Indra, who is playing along) that Skaikru stole the bunker, since she will still die anyway. Echo indeed turned out to be more concerned with survival than revenge.

Timeline: The episode starts two days before Praimfaya, and ends exactly a day before Praimfaya

Body Count: 11 Arkers who killed themselves, including Jasper, Bree, another Delinquent, and Riley.

At least 60 Delinquents have died (4 in season 4), while 40 are still alive. But not for long.

Rating: 10/10

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