#at my last check my levels were low so my doctor told me to take supplements

[laurelwinchester]

at this point my doctor’s ‘’chill’’ demeanor is becoming a fucking problem

[wosoluver]

La nueva g headcannons

Patri Guijarro x young physio!reader

-> what would it be like for a young physio to join Barça's nueva generación?

Patri Guijarro Masterlist

Meeting eachother

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

Being the new girl had always been your worse nightmare, being the new girl at your new internship, in a country you had moved into recently, sounded like hell.

Yes speaking the language made it easier, kinda, since everyone actually opted for talking in Català, much to your dismay.

Even in school most of your classes followed the same principle.

But you knew that wasn't the biggest issue. You were never good at initial introductions, despite the language.

So here you were, walking into the Barcelona Femeni's training grounds for your first day.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

Soon training was over, the room was filled by a few players.

"Don't worry, they aren't all in recovery. Mapi is the only one who really is.

Pina is here for a look at a mild pull on her right hamstring, nothing to worry too much about. We are just keeping a close eye on it.

Vicky and Salma will head to cryotherapy, after a massage, for muscle relaxation." you took some notes as she spoke. "I'm focusing on Mapi, the second physio will be here in a little bit, to take care of Paralluelo. Can you check on Pina? You just need you to check her leg and write down how she feels, and pain levels, that should probably be low."

"Yes, of course."

You said, walking towards where the woman was laying.

"Hey, I'm Y/N the new intern. Since we have a couple players in today, I'm doing your check up." looking up from your notes to her. She had a stunned look on her face.

"Hi hm- I'm Pina, Claudia Pina." she said giving you a big smile. But you couldn't help but keep your eyes on the paperwork.

"Excuse me." you said moving to examine her thigh. "Tell me if it hurts too much."

"Okay." and you proceeded.

"Can you tell me how it hurt on a scale from one to ten?"

"Two."

"Did you feel it during training?"

"Just a bit. Do you think you could do some taping, just for caution?"

"Yeah, let me go get the kit."

you got up and came back quickly. You did your best and soon you were done.

"Thanks! Nice to meet you Y/N."

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

"Patri you're not going to believe! There's a new intern, she has the prettiest eyes and an accent, I don't know where from but, she's latina for sure." said the forward coming into the room where some of the teammates were in a ice bath.

"Did talk to her?"

"Not much. Just the check up. But she's your type."

"How so?"

"I don't know how to explain it. You have to see her." she said grinning widely at the thought of playing cupid.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

But you two didn't have the chance to meet, until the next game.

Patri had fell to the ground harshly, and didn't get up, after getting hit from behind from the other team's player.

You and the other medic ran straight in. You weren't even supposed to be on field duty but the head physio didn't show up in time, so you had to improvise.

"Hey tell me where it hurts." you whispered in her ear so she could hear you.

"My right leg, I'm not sure what happened but everything hurts!"

"Can you keep going or is it bad?"

"It's bad."

"Vale, we're doing a change." the head doctor signed for you to head to the locker room to evaluate her, while he stayed there at the pitch.

you only nodded and helped Patri.

"Lay here so I can take a look, please." you started to examine her thigh and knee, moving down to check her ankle.

"It doesn't seem anything too extreme, but we are definitely going to run some screening."

"I'll be fine for next game, right?"

"Not quite sure. Sorry."

"You're Y/N?"

"Yes."

"It's just, my best friend had told me about you."

"Pina?" you said sitting on the chair next to her.

"Yeah." she said thinking what to say next. "You usually aren't here for the game right?"

"Yes, but they had an emergency so I had to step up. But don't worry I'm on my last year, that means I can take care of you."

"I didn't mean it like that, you look very qualified an- I-"

"It's okay." you let out a soft laugh. "You would think for a physio team of a big club, they would be more prepared for this situations."

"Wait, what happened?"

"Head physio is running late, the secondary is supposed to be off today. So just me."

"You are quite young, for a doctor."

"I'm twenty five, getting my masters degree. And you are quite young to be a football star." you said preparing some ice to press onto her leg that was already starting to bruise.

"Touché. Ouch." she said through her teeth.

"Now we wait."

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

"Yeah so, good news and bad news." said the doctor. "It's a moderate strain. There's no tear though. You're out for the next few days and then rehabilitation."

"Goddammit!" she said throwing the water bottle she had across the room, missing you by a couple of centimeters.

"Ay chica!"

"Sorry, I forgot you were there." she said looking up, where you were standing on the other side of the room.

"Didn't you hear? You're on physio sessions, you need me alive!" you said tying to cheer her up, seeing how tense she was from the situation.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

Monday morning getting to the training grounds, you saw Patri getting out of the car, Claudia was the one driving.

"Oye Y/N!" said Pina getting your attention. "Can you help Patri get to the recovery facility? Here's her stuff." she finished putting two bags in your arms.

In truth her friend didn't need that much help. She could walk on her own and Clau could have carried it there. But what would be better than this for her to get you two together?

Patri had her mouth agape. Sometimes she could not believe the way her best friend would act.

Good thing you let out a small laugh, indicating you were okay with it. But before you could even say anything she was gone into training.

"Bon dia."

"Bon dia, sorry about her. You can give them to me."

"Of course not! She's right." you fixed the bags in your arms, so you could keep a free hand, to help her out. "Let's get you there. How was the weekend? Did you rest like you were supposed to?"

"I tried not to, but they stopped me. Overall, it didn't hurt that much."

"Are you saying that so I'll put in a word that you're doing better?"

"It hurt like hell. But I swear it already feels somewhat better." she confessed.

"That's what I thought."

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

Thanks to everyone for the ideas and special thanks to @itzzzitzelll and @s0ciety-cxv for basically co writing the plot and everything! 🩷

There will be more parts kind of like 'healers got to date protectors'! So send your requests in!

[genderqueerdykes]

hi i’m sorry if this is too heavy of a question, but i was told that Testosterone HRT can make you die sooner if you go in it vs. if you don’t? is this true? i’ve tried looking up medical articles but i’m not good with researching this kind of thing and i’m not currently seeing a doctor so i can’t ask them. thanks for the help

hi there!

fortunately for you, and everyone who takes testosterone HRT: that is a trans(andro)phobic, antimasculine, butchphobic, and intersexist myth spread by radfems. there is no scientific or medical basis in anyone who has higher testosterone levels will guaranteed have a shortened lifespan

what is happening when people propose that argument is they are taking what can possibly happen to some people who have high T and/or take testosterone HRT and blow it way out of proportion. some of the POSSIBLE complications testosterone HRT COULD present are:

high/elevated blood pressure in some people

increased red blood cell production, which Can lead to easier clotting if blood is not donated or medications are not taken to thin the blood in some people

reproductive health issues in some people

liver and/or kidney damage in some people who are prone to liver/kidney issues, and/or take more testosterone than prescribed

there can be other complications, but the point stands that these are all potential things that can happen to some people. not every person who takes T gets elevated blood pressure, for example. many people had low blood pressure beforehand and find that they are more stabilized. many people who previously were underweight benefit from a bit of weight gain. most people who take T do not overproduce red blood cells in a dangerous amount, but in folks who do, there are options to mitigate this.

some people cannot take T due to health issues, and that's okay, that person is not detransitioning in order to preserve their health. these people deserve to have their situations taken seriously. but, not everyone faces health troubles due to starting hormones. people can also have adverse affects on health when taking estrogen. there is always a risk of harming one's self when introducing substances into the body in higher amounts than it was previously used to.

most people have some levels of both estrogens and testosterone in them at all times. elevating or lowering anything can cause a shock to the system but a lot of the time, these things are temporary or can be solved with medication. many people just never experience any of this. there's no guarantee that anyone will be harmed by taking testosterone HRT

i hope that helps! i can't believe this has gotten to be so widespread. i appreciate you taking the time to ask. i've been on T for 9 years. had my heart checked last year because i had an extra beat that was unnerving me due to being constantly exposed to cigarette smoke. my heart is healthy, my blood pressure is easily managed by 1 medication, i don't have an issue with blood clots, and my liver and kidneys have been checked twice within the past year and they're good to go as well. people just assume that testosterone is evil ands pread the myth that it'll kill you because of antimasculism, trans(andro)phobia, butchphobia, intersexism, and man hating.

radfems have been trying to do everything in their power to turn people off of T because of how badly they hate men and mascs. if you want to look into starting T, your prescriber will run a lot of tests to make sure you are in good health for it. if not you may be able to use very low dose T. most people do not experience adverse health effects inherently due to T. i hope this helps!

take care! feel free to have any more questions you may have

[she-is-ovarit]

This is for all the younger gen Z women, particularly those of you within the ages of 17 to roughly 23. This is written from an American perspective, things might be a little different depending on where you're from.

I graduated high school with the unconscious assumption that certain systems will take care of me. The medical system would educate me on proper nutrition and health issues was probably my largest underlying assumption, but really I just had trust in institutions generally.

This isn't true. You are responsible for learning. As an example, I have been vegetarian since age 14. Nobody talked to me about proper nutrition, they just told me I needed to eat more protein.

I lived a decade of my life having shortness of breath, sleeping issues, clumsiness, cold hands and feet, having brain fog, extreme fatigue, heightened anxiety, etc. My period was extremely light and brown, it'd last for about 2 or so days. I'd go and talk about these problems, and telling doctors that I was vegetarian was one of the first things that came out of my mouth just with any visit because I knew at least that piece was important to communicate.

There was really no action taken over the span of about 10 years. I was told the period thing was normal, that changes for women. A sleep specialist let me know that feeling exhausted was also normal. The brain fog was probably due to anxiety. Here, try allergy medication (tbh that did help for other reasons). Then one day I just asked them to check my vitamin and mineral levels. Prior to this I didn't think you can make requests to doctors, I thought you showed up and they performed tests on what they recommended. With some reluctance from my primary care physician and some compromise because she said my insurance wouldn't cover testing things like B12 levels (I later found out from a nurse that, they would, she would have just needed to fill out extra paperwork), she did some tests.

I found out both my iron and D3 levels were low. What else could be?

I later learned pretty much all the vitamins common to be low for vegetarians were low. D3, magnesium, vitamin Bs, iron, and healthy fats. Bought some liquid vitamins (because the body only absorbs 10% of the pill supplements), began eating an avocado a day, my period became normal for the first time in nine years, and I am able to function.

Another example of how human systems won't educate you: I don't have feeling in some of my toes due to wearing incorrect sized footwear for years resulting in permanent nerve damage. I'm size 11.5 in women's, and I was relying on someone to tell me how proper footwear worked, because surely the guy in the minimum wage position working the footwear section would know.

Don't trust human systems to guide you through how certain things work. Seek specific specialists and experts when you can, and inform yourself on your own. Don't blindly trust search engines like Google, it's not like how it used to be when I was growing up and many millennial adults will tell you to "just google things" because we're used to finding actual substantive answers when we do. However, now, usually whoever pays is who makes the first page or two of search engines, it has nothing to do with what information is "most correct". Don't be afraid to request certain tests be done by doctors or certain referrals made to different specialists.

Edit: And also, I've found general practitioners are terrible when you walk in and tell them about several different symptoms at one time. They're more used to treating one symptom at a time, and they treat the symptom not the root cause. If you go in with a runny nose, general practitioners are going to throw medications at you to try and treat the runny nose, not look deeper into what's causing the runny nose. It's equivalent to if you're in a boat and it's sinking, they're bailing out water without actually fixing the hole or trying to figure out where it is, with the exception of emergency situations and even then it depends.

[coastxlwaters]

What happened to ur thumb?!

So, this happened yesterday

0. I had a low level of light headedness and a stomach ache but I needed to get out to the barn to exercise autumn

1. Autumn wasn’t ridden for 2 days and was energetic

2. My crop and saddle felt off, I later learn they were used and modified slightly without my permission (I’m not mad at whoever did, just confused on why they did it as well have that stuff at the barn)

3. My crop and set being off, shifted my normal no anxiety routine to a “oh god, do I need to check Autumn’s back and legs for injuries?” Routine.

4. My legs were awkward trying to reposition correctly, and since autumn is used to me being a quiet and relaxed rider and caretaker that probably ticked her off, her ears were pinned back but flopping, no fucking idea what that means but I have seem some horses do it when anxious or stressed, but idk

5. The crop kept hitting the wrong place on the shoulder, I hound be able to tap once and she goes, and since I’m a rated-shows rider I can’t look down as it’s frowned upon, and have to keep my head up until the lesson or atleast course is over. So I wasn’t able to see what the difference was other than the slightly off feeling.

6. Ticked her off more that I continued to try to use the crop. MY fault, I have no fucking idea what I was doing there other than me failing to follow proper barn rules.

7. We start the course and I she goes speed demon and I could tell she was abt to do SMTH, whether it was a buck or rear I honestly don’t know nor want to find out. I just cut off and out of the course halfway through

8. I got called a coward, (JOKINGLY) so I laugh and say “fuck you than, let’s see what shit I can do now that her energy is out” and get back on.

9. Same thing as 7 but this time I don’t cut off the course and the literal next jump she bucks

10. I land HARD on her neck, I really need to check it out but my friend said she looks fine for now.

11. My hand obviously hits her neck first, my thumb taking the most damage

12. I stayed on, THANKFULLY, cause if I fell off I have no fucking idea what would have happened

13. The rest is kinda like, foggy ig, I remeber making my usual “it can’t be to bad, I lived!” And then my thumb started hurting. At first thought it was SMTH I could ride off. I was wrong and for the next 15 mins I was a mess from it, both being my birthday and smth bad happening on my birthday for th 3rd time in a row. I get home, see my finger and go “damn I’m overdramatic as hell, it’s only a minor jam”

14. Just ice it and kept it elevated the entire night

(Today)

14. No sleep last night

15. It looks weird so I prob need to get it checked for possible infection

16. I get to the doctors and expect to be laughed at for coming in with a minor jam

17. I get X-rayed cause they wanted to see if it’s fractured, told I did amazing for being actively hurt and staying still and calm during it

18. I get to the actual office, Hear I shattered the tip of my thumb and it will forever be slightly bent, get banned from horse riding for a month, (sucks for them as I won’t listen to that)

19. I pull the cancer joke on @stormbreaker-290 again while walking to the room I’m supposed to go to, since I’m MEAN-

20. I get measured for a 1 finger cast as the injury is not severe in the sense I would need a full handed cast, but apparently shattering your tip of your thumb is relatively severe, since it doesn’t happen often and will leave me with my thumb being bent slightly forever unless I decide to do an overpriced surgery. Spoiler alert, I’m broke. Doenst hurt like what I expected tho, it’s only in that category I think for a longer healing process (I wasn’t listening but it was MENTIONED) and a permanent difference in my thumb even if it’s barely noticeable.

So, yeah it’s not severe in the sense of pain, it might take a bit to heal, I’m gonna take care of autumn still obvi and completely ignore the no-riding rule. I MEAN, ILL ONLY DO WORKOUTS AND NOTHING TO BIG OR SHOW PRACTICES OK?!

It’s also on my left hand, and I’m a boring right handed person so I’m fine lol. Gonna use it to hopefully get out of school obvi, but like yeah

Preppy cast✨

[xantissa]

I was talking to some new friends recently and realized a lot of them were never taught how to manage painful/extremely painful periods.

The fact you should see a doctor if you routinely have super painful periods is a given, but in all my years of having periods so painful I would pass out multiple times a day from pain, no doctor ever told me any useful tips on how to live through them so here are the tidbits I have learned through experience and research:

1) pain management - if you know your periods are freaking painful do not wait for the pain to start. That's too late! Start the painkiller routine a day before if you can manage or at the very first sign of it. Start it and keep it! Check how long your preferred painkiller works and set a strict schedule of taking it. If you do it you will not let the pain get into the horrid stage. Basically do the same thing people with chronic pain do for pain management only your will last probably a week or so.

2) anti histamines- if you feel super bloated, sometimes to the point that it feels like your insides can't fit in your belly anymore? That's not an illusion. It's ACTUALLY what's happening. For some reason during periods our bodies start a fierce histamine reaction- histamine causes swelling of internal tissues and then yes, they kinda don't fit anymore. Act like you are having an allergic reaction and do an anti histamine routine for 2-3 days. Again, the meds have to be taken regularly to keep a proper level of meds in the system. Just taking one when you feel the worst won't really do anything.

3) electrolytes- if your periods are painful you are probably bleeding like a stuck pig. That's a hell of a lot of electrolytes just going down the drain. Literally even. Buy some of those dissolvable electrolytes and always have them at home. Drink some when bleeding, they will help with the dizziness, nausea and feeling of weakness.

Remember we drink electrolytes to avoid a risk of Heart Attack! It's not a new fanged health tip. The less electrolytes we have in the bloodstream the more risk of our heart going high wire especially when our bodies are under such tremendous stress.

4) no heat! - it may feel good for some, but heat will increase your bleeding and make the internal swelling worse. The heavier the bleed the less heat. Worst case scenarios I have known people who landed themselves in hospital by using heat packs when having a super heavy bleeding.

5) muscle relaxants - best effect for period pain are combo meds that contain muscle relaxants and painkillers. However what you might not know is that muscle relaxants lower your blood pressure, which already might be low because of the period. Try to keep an eye out on them and if it starts falling beyond your usual values beware. Look into changing your meds too, because you are probably reacting too strongly to the relaxant.

6) food - try to eat, even though you probably don't want to even think about it due to pain. Something easily digestible and caloric so that you can eat very little. You are bleeding like a victim of attempted murder. It's a huge strain on your body, give it some fuel in small dozes. Even a piece of chocolate is better than nothing.

7) rest as much as you can, don't try to force yourself to do everything as usual. There's no shame in it and your body really needs it.

I know finding a good doctor is pretty much as easy as finding a unicorn but never stop trying and by god, if it's at all possible, get the transvaginal ultrasound once a year. It may save your life.

[relastelvanni]

📖 2022

The week leading up to Christmas 2021, I was unwell. I was feeling very fatigued and burnt out as we all were. There wasn’t a lot of sun so I was likely Vitamin D deficient, right? Also I somehow lost 10 lbs between October and December without trying which didn’t match what I was eating - probably stress? Oh, but I feel really thirsty, and I can’t seem to quench it… that’s an odd symptom I can’t explain with burnout. It was that symptom that made me test my fasting blood sugars and sure enough, they were way over into diabetic levels.

🚨

On Hogmanay as I rushed to get my booster before the bells, I also went to the GP as an emergency for my blood test. The results came back and my GP wanted to talk urgently. On Jan 5th I was officially diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and put onto metformin straight away. This began a whirlwind of a year.

On the outside I seemed calm, on the inside I was a ball of emotion, but mostly shame. Shame that after years of warnings this could happen, I had to tell people what had happened. I felt guilt for making people around me worry for my health. I wanted to prove to everyone that I was okay and they didn’t have to worry about me. Maybe not a healthy attitude to take but from the moment I left that Doctor’s surgery and took a 2.5 mile walk home, I decided I was going for remission, end of.

I immediately went on a low carb diet of 130g of carbs a day and stuck to it religiously, I did not break 130g or tried not to. No cheat days, no snacking. Again, perhaps not the healthiest thing to do but I couldn’t bring myself to eat high carbs again. I started walking a lot more, walking three miles home from work in the winter. I went swimming, I got a bike through the cycle to work scheme. But most of all was the diet. It was tough and there were times I felt like crying. But my head told me “I put myself in this situation, you don’t deserve sympathy”. Urgh, silly head.

But despite that negative mindset, the physical side improved quickly. My sugars fell rapidly most importantly and as a by-product, I lost 15 lbs in the first month, followed by another 15 lbs in the second, starting at 255 lbs and ending March around 210.

Now those who know me will know I had no problem with my weight before - I was very happy as a chubby person because I went on a journey over the past few years of learning to love my body, throw off the shame I held against my body and show it off at the beach and the pool etc. So the weight loss for me was such a sudden shift in mindset too. I was back very quickly to a body I had before I learned to love my body… and societal pressure came back. That’s been a struggle this year is loving my new body without need for validation externally.

But in terms of the diabetes, by the end of March, I had my hbA1c checked again… and I was no longer diabetic! I had managed, with the tablets, to get the diabetes into remission. I can’t tell you how proud I am to have got to this point. All the hard work and hardship I put my mental state through was worth the result.

Over the next three months I relaxed the diet a wee bit and let myself eat a little more, but no where near the levels I was at before. My weight finally stabilised at around 180 lbs which is where I’m at now, meaning in total from max weight, I’ve lost 85 lbs in the last year. But more importantly, at the end of June, my HbA1c was still at a non diabetic level, this time without medication.

Since June, my weight has been stable, my sugars are still down, I’ve taken up badminton 2-3 times a week to keep me active physically (and mentally too). I feel fantastic physically and I’m so happy I’ve managed to turn around the diabetes. I still need to work on my mental state and work on some of those troublesome feelings I had at the start of the year as well as others. But aye, long post, but I’m still here, still going. Hopefully 2023 I’ll stay in remission. All the best to everyone 💛

[pandaspwnz]

TLDR: went to the hospital today because I had all the symptoms of a heart attack.

Thankfully though it was not a heart attack!

Most of my symptoms were explained by my low ferritin (iron storage) levels, which the doctor described as "basically completely empty"; It's at 12 µg/L (it should be 15-120, with anything under 30 clinically considered low), and she suggested I talk to my doctor about iron supplements, and when I told her I've been taking 2 a day for 6 months she legit made this face and said "and it's still so low?"

same bestie

The low iron and ferritin doesn't explain the chest pain or extreme nausea I've been having, but I'm assuming I've maybe just caught a cold or something, and it being an added stress on my body AND just after my period is maybe why I'm feeling so much worse than normal, because I went back and checked my last 3 blood tests, and though my ferritin levels are at 12 today, they were lower the last two times: yet I still felt worse today than I did then. My iron level however is currently the lowest it's ever been at 4 µmol/L (should be between 9-34). But I had an ecg and my heart is normal, and I do have slightly high blood pressure and a high pulse (usually both are normal although last month I did also have a bp test that was a little too high) but I'm sure some of that can be attributed to the stressful situation I was in.

So most likely I'll need iron infusions because my body clearly does not absorb iron correctly (IBD, heavy periods, and being a vegetarian definitely not helping babes) and honestly I'm so fucking excited. It actually feels like there is a solution, or at least a help for why I've felt so bad for so long and only gotten worse, and it's at my fingertips. It explains so much from my daily life, the fatigue, the body pains, the headaches, the difficulty forming sentences, it could be exacerbating my ADHD (like what if my ADHD isn't actually as severe as it seems but I just have a severe iron deficiency that's impairing my cognition?), how my hands and feet are always cold, how often I feel physically weak, my brittle hair and nails, etc and like imagine if these things could get better. What a wonderful life that would be, to feel almost normal?

But yeah I was very unsure about going to the hospital because I was pretty certain it wasn’t actually a heart attack even though I had all the symptoms because I already knew I had low iron and that it can cause arrythmia (I did not know my ferritin level though), and I even felt silly when I called the emergency room to ask if I should come in, but I figured it was a better safe than sorry situation. I felt so horrible earlier in the day and almost fainted when I was out shopping with my mom, and we talked about it and agreed that if she had been the one with my symptoms, I would want her to call in and make sure she was okay, and I feel better about it now. The nurse and doctor were very kind, and nobody made me feel like I was being silly, and they agreed it was better to check one time too many than one too few.

Also, kind of a sidenote, but when I was waiting for mom to finish up at the bakery at the mall (this was before I was concerned it might be a heart attack, I didn't think about that til I came home just to clarify), I had to sit down on the floor and cover my eyes while I tried to breathe right, and this older gentleman came up and crouched down next to me and asked if I was alright. And ya'll this man had the kindest face, he looked and seemed so compassionate and genuinely concerned for my - a total stranger's - wellbeing, and I actually almost burst into tears. I told him I was okay, I just had low iron and was feeling dizzy, and he asked if he could get me anything, and he was just so unbelievably sweet. I have never in my life had that experience before, and it just, as small a gesture as it may have been, really made me feel better about humanity as a whole. I don't think I'll ever forget that man for as long as I live, and even though it was like a 20 second interaction, it really meant and means so much to me.

[novumtimes]

Christian Petracca says internal injuries against Collingwood were equivalent of a car accident

In short: Christian Petracca required surgery after suffering four broken ribs, a lacerated spleen and a punctured lung.The injuries were sustained during the Demons’ King’s Birthday clash with Collingwood on June 10.What’s next? Petracca is now recovering, trying to prepare himself for the 2025 season. Star Melbourne midfielder Christian Petracca has opened up on his horrific internal injuries, saying they were the equivalent of a car crash and he had to undergo surgery without a general anaesthetic. Petracca said the traumatic event means he struggles to watch games of football and picture himself back out on the field due to the memories that come flooding back. He suffered four broken ribs, a lacerated spleen and a punctured lung after copping an accidental knee from Collingwood skipper Darcy Moore during the King’s Birthday clash on June 10. ABC Sport is live blogging every round of the AFL and NRL seasons in 2024. He bravely tried to play on, but was eventually taken to hospital where the severity of the injuries was discovered. Petracca has already been ruled out for the rest of the AFL season, and he faces a long and slow build to prepare his body and mind for 2025. “It’s been pretty traumatic,” he told radio broadcaster NOVA on Monday. ��I did 4-5 days in ICU, and then [the] last couple days was just in the ward, and now I’m out of hospital, which is nice. “It’s been pretty full on, I don’t wish this on my worst enemy, it’s been tough.” Loading Instagram content Petracca opened up on the dramatic turn of events that landed him in ICU. “We got an initial scan around eight or nine o’clock at night, and the first scan showed two cracked ribs and then just a little bit of bleeding around the lung,” he said. “I think 15 minutes later, one of the doctors was just checking my blood levels, and noticed my haemoglobin was dropping severely, and my blood levels were dropping. “So they go, ‘Let’s just do another scan.’ And that’s when they started to notice I had four cracked ribs, [a lacerated] spleen and a punctured lung too. “So it went from being a four out of 10 to basically a 10 out of 10, it was the equivalent of a car accident.” AFL players regularly undergo surgery for all types of different ailments, but what Petracca went through was on a whole different level. “I had to go straight into surgery at 2am. Open surgery — like I wasn’t under anaesthetic because of my blood level was so low,” he said. “(They) numbed the area and put me under a gas mask. But those gas masks only do so much. “You can still feel it. It’s pretty traumatic.” Petracca said he does not hold any ill feelings towards Moore for the incident. “No malice in it whatsoever,” Petracca said of the marking contest. “He’s messaged me four or five times. He messaged me saying, ‘I’m going to owe you dinner,’ so I said, ‘I’ll take you up on that.'” Petracca is struggling to picture himself back on the football field at present. “It’s still raw for me, it’s still seven days,” he said. “I watched a little bit of footy in the weekend and I had to turn it off because when you see even a simple tackle, you just put yourself back in the situation that you were. “But no doubt, with the recovery process and everything that I’ll be able to tick off and my mindset, I’ll be able to get back to the player I was. “Just, at the moment, it’s a lot of self-doubt. That’s just the human feeling of course.” Sports content to make you think… or allow you not to. A newsletter delivered each Saturday. AAP Source link via The Novum Times

[starcrossed-sky]

(previous anon again) oh yeah asian sizing is rough x(. i haven't checked my waist size in literal years but it should be 40+ inches or even 50+, who knows. i mostly buy XXXL (or 3X, as it's called) IF it's offered, but whenever it is it's either always highly coveted or in limited quantities, and thus the first to sell out. some places have bigger sizing where i can get by on XXL/2X, some smaller where even 3X is not enough for me. buying clothes was such a trifle that for many years i just preferred to gradually steal from my dad's closet. thankfully he was a stingy old man and welcomed that!

about anemia- yep, i am an estrogen gas tank haver and i've long suspected i might have it, even though i've never gotten checked out (due to money, time, other illnesses, worry i'm gonna be told "just lose weight/exercise more," etc.). puberty really fucked me up... with ovarian cysts, menorrhagia, and just endless amounts of pain pain painnn starting from age 10. had 30+ days nonstop bleeding cycles a few times and other such fucked up stuff. in my early teens, my bed and the house bathroom could look like a horror game whenever i was menstruating lol. to this day, i am unable to detangle my dysphoria/gender identity from the pains of "growing into a woman" (which i never consented to). i don't know whether i would feel exactly the same about my gender if my experience with puberty wasn't quite so awful for medical reasons.

puberty also about when my fatigue started and gradually got worse over the years. as far as i and any relative can say, i was a very outgoing and energetic child. i couldn't read a lot of the social cues but was nonetheless considered a delight by adults who were entertained with my rambling about various topics as well as by fellow children who found a ready playmate in me. i ran and biked and gladly tagged along on long trips with my parents without a problem. meanwhile, as a teenager and even up to today i have a permanently fucked up rotating sleep, tiredness that never goes away and only gets worse with exercise, and a negative amount of energy such that daily commute to my job is the maximum my body can take and i hardly leave my bed on the weekends.

chronic fatigue is a consideration as well, and even though i know there's technically no cure for it, i still hope there's something better for me. for example, during the quarantine, i got to work from home and not only saved all the money i spent on transport but also time spent commuting and pretending to be busy in the office (with air conditioning uncomfortably cold at 17C). i had time and flexibility in my sleep to keep on top of chores at my own pace, and overall felt probably the biggest increase in my quality of life, even though i was basically a shut-in with a job, haha. just... longing to live slow and unburdened, while also still providing for myself, y'know?

For anemia, if there's somewhere around where you can donate blood, try checking there. A hemoglobin count of less than 12 is anemic (and they'll likely turn you away if you're too low) - it's the simplest blood test out there, like blood sugar they only need a finger prick these days to check. I have to get mine done every time I get my man juice tests done.

Your puberty horror story also genuinely sounds like PCOS which... fat gain and retention is a known symptom (and PCOS people are way more likely to be gender variant according to a Japanese study a few years ago). You might be able to sell your doctors on getting you tested for it if you play the "this might be why I'm fat" angle. What you're looking for is an elevated testosterone level in comparison to "normal" cis women.

As someone who routinely sleeps on the clock at my work from home job i feel you on the last one.

[itisannak]

Fuck the Friendship (Calum Hood Smut / Ruin the Friendship Part 2)

Summary: Could Calum and (Y/N) ever fuck up their friendship more than they already have? (Smut / Penetrative Sex / Fingering / Teasing / Unprotected Sex) (Pregnancy / Hospital /  Calum being an asshole, again) (Words: 12k)

Ruin the Friendship  /   My Masterlist  /  My Ko-Fi

(Taglist: @heartbrokenharlot​  @suchalonelysunflower​)​

It was almost like we couldn't keep away from each other. Within a month of Luke's party, Calum and I were back on our original agreement. Only this time it feels right. It feels as if there is mutual respect for the condition we are under.

It felt right until my doctor called me with the results of my last check-up. I have been feeling exhausted lately, to the point my manager worrying about me having a burnout. So, without giving me much of a choice, she sent me in for a full check-up and an intense blood workup l just to make sure I am not going to crash any time soon. If I had to guess with my limited knowledge of medicine and medical history, I would say my iron levels have reached a new low. But of course, reality smacked me in the face during the call. "(Y/N), did you hear me?" My doctor asks, snapping me out of the shock. It takes me a moment to get into the state of gathering the words to respond to her. "Could you please repeat?" I ask, my mouth becoming dry as I recall what she has told mu, not a second ago. "I need you to book an appointment for an ultrasound. Your blood work came back positive for pregnancy. We need to confirm and see your state. Would you like me to book you in for Tuesday evening?" She asks me, speaking slowly so I understand her this time. "I am not sure Tuesday works for me. Can I call your office tomorrow?" I ask her, my voice shaking. "Of course." She assures me. "Thank you for your call. I will see you as soon as possible. "Goodnight, (Y/N). See you soon, take care." She hangs up, leaving me in silence for just a quick second.

"Is everything ok?" Calum's voice catches my attention. For a moment, I have forgotten he is here with me, that the call has interrupted our hangout. "Yeah... It was just my doctor." I brush it off, putting on a normal face. "Oh. Everything ok?" He asks me as I take a seat back on the couch. "Yeah, yeah... I just had a checkup. It is routine." "You are going in again on Tuesday?" He asks me and I shrug. "I have to check my schedule... I think I have a shooting for the movie on Tuesday." I reply, hoping the conversation ends here. "Is it something serious?" He asks me and I shake my head no. "My iron level is low. We have to see my options for supplements." I reply, fixing our shared blanket over my lap. "I am sorry, (Y/N). I really hope the supplements help." He places a hand over mine in support. "Oh, don't worry... I will be fine. Shall we continue with the episode?" I ask, hoping this will change the subject for good. "Of course." He smiles at me, pressing play on the show we are watching.

--

"There it is... Do you see that bubble in there?" The doctor asks me, pointing at the ultrasound. Up until this moment, I was hoping that my blood work was wrong. But the image on the screen, and most importantly, the blob that the doctor is so sure is the life that grows inside me, tear down my last remaining hopes. "I'd say based on the measurements, you are around 5 weeks... Does that sound correct based on your last period?" She asks me, turning to look at me and leaving the screen. Her face changes as she finds me with eyes welling with tears. "(Y/N)... Is there something you'd like to tell me?" She asks me and I shake my head no. "It is just so sudden ... I was not expecting this." I admit and she sighs in relief. "It is normal to feel overwhelmed. For now, we need to confirm how far along you are. And then we can talk about options. But let's take it one step at the time." She smiles at me encouragingly, giving me time to recollect. "I have to look at my app to tell you. I don't remember when my last period was." I reply, turning my head to look at the screen once more, in hopes I will see what the doctor sees this time. "I will print this for your record. We are done here. I will let you get dressed and I will meet you at my office in a bit." She presses something on the machine, before handing me a couple of napkins to clean the gel off my stomach.

It is like I am in a haze as if I am sleepwalking toward my doctor's office. My mind is all over the place, thinking of how I will even make it through the conversation with my doctor, and completely ignoring the one I will have to have with Calum in the very near future.

The doctor is sitting behind her desk, my file in her hands. I take a seat on the armchair across of her, picking up my purse and fishing my phone out of it. I silently open the period tracking app and look for the date of my last period. "I had my last period 2 months ago. I am sorry, I didn't even realize it was this late...I have been working a lot lately." I am not even sure if I am apologizing to my doctor or myself. "There is no need to apologize, (Y/N). Now, the growth seems to match your ovulation window. We need to complete this form. It is a health history of both you and your partner. Just so we have an idea of what to look out for." She shows me the form and I nod my head. "Can I take this home and bring it over next time?" I ask her, scanning over the questions. "Of course. Would you like to go over your options? I want to assure you that I will support your decision and I am here to help you pick the safest options." "I would like to talk with my partner first if that ok." I nearly stutter. "Of course. Now, until you reach a decision, I would like you to take some prenatal vitamins. They will help you with fatigue and nausea. You will book an appointment with my nurse for 2 weeks from today when we will have a checkup and discuss your decision. Make sure you have this form filled in and with you. Any questions?" She asks me and I shake my head no. I am sure I have a million questions, but my head is heavy from the day and nothing comes up.

The moment I am safe in my car I decide to rip the bandaid and call Calum. For obvious reasons, I don't plan on telling him over the phone. It would be too much of a shock for him, so face to face is the only option. "Hey... You are the last person I expected to get a call from today. What's up?" Calum asks me cheerfully. "Hey. Am I bothering you?" I ask, bringing my thumb to my mouth, biting onto the cuticle. "No, no... I am just chilling. Are you ok?" He asks me and I hum. "Can we meet?" I ask him back. "My place or yours?" He asks cockily. "Yours. Can I come over now?" "I will be waiting for you." He chuckles just before I hang up.

There is not a bit of hesitation when I ring Calum's doorbell. If there is someone I want to talk with at the moment, it's him. Hopefully, his mind is more sober than mine currently so he will help me see things clearer. "Hey. Come in. Would you like a drink?" He asks me, motioning me to come through the door. "No, thank you. Can we talk?" I ask him, standing before him awkwardly. He gestures for me to head to the living room, furrowing his eyebrows at my seriousness. "You seem a bit weird today..." He comments, following suit behind me. I take a seat on the couch, resting my hands on my lap. "I went to the doctor today." I begin and hums. "And? Did they give you the iron supplements?" He asks and I shake my head at him. "I am pregnant..." I let out, looking at him for a reaction. "What do you mean you are pregnant?" He asks me, all color slipping from his face. "I mean I am expecting a baby. In about 34 weeks." I reply; I get the shock, he needs some time to digest the news. "Are you sure?" He asks me, covering his mouth with his hand. "They saw it on my blood work, and I had an ultrasound today to confirm it. And my last period matches how far along I am." I reply and he shakes his head. "What are you going to do?" He asks me, making me look at him in confusion. "You mean what are WE going to do..." I correct him. "We? Are you sure it is mine?" He asks me. I have to blink before I answer, gathering as much calmness as I can muster. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't sure." I say through gritted teeth, closing my eyes to recollect myself. "Are you absolutely sure this is mine?" He stretches his words, putting emphasis on each one as he points at me. I scoff in fake surprise, picking up my purse that rests by my side on the couch. "You know what ... You can fuck off. I am done here. Forget I even told you." I get up from the couch, walking away from Calum. "Come on... We have to talk about this." He protests, following right behind me. "No, we don't. It's mine. My pregnancy, my baby. I don't want to see you again." I spit at his feet, slamming the door as I get out of his house. And there I was, hoping he would be sober for the both of us. I don't need him; never have, never will. And no matter what I do with this pregnancy, I don't need him to reach that decision.

--

My palms rest on top of my stomach as I lay on the examination table, waiting for my doctor to join me. The 2 weeks between my checkups went by in a flash and now I am here again, anxious to see if everything is alright with the bubble. "It's good to see you again, (Y/N). How are you feeling?" She asks, leaving her clipboard aside. "Good. Still a bit tired, a bit dizzy, but overall good." I reply, fixing up my shirt to show her my stomach. "First-trimester typicals. Are you ready to take a look?" She asks me, picking up the bottle of gel. "Will we hear the heartbeat this time?" I ask. I have indulged in reading What to expect when you are expecting lately, preparing for motherhood. "We will. You are at 8 weeks, so we should have a loud and clear beat." She replies, moving the wand on my stomach. "About the form, the one you told me to fill in last time...I filled in my history, but the father is out of the picture." I state, fiddling with my fingers. "We can talk about all that later. Now let's focus on seeing the fetus." She smiles at me, turning the screen so I can get a better look at it. "Here we have it. It's like a little bean. If you take a look here, you will see it moving its little leg." She points out at the screen. "Moving already?" I ask, trying to make sense of what is on the screen. "You won't feel it for at least 2 months more. But the fetus is moving, testing the newly formed limps. Would you like to hear the heartbeat now?" She asks me and I nod my head. It sounds like a horse running, fast and with tempo. "Is it supposed to be that fast?" I ask and she hums. "No need to worry, I don't see anything startling. Everything is as it should be." She takes the measurements of the fetus on the screen before printing the ultrasound picture. "Take a moment to get ready and I will see you back in my office in a bit." She hands me a couple of tissues to clean up the gel before I sit up. "See you in a bit..." I sigh, wiping off my stomach.

"Can I take a look at the form?" My doctor asks me as I take a seat on the armchair before her desk. I reach for the paper in my purse, handing it to her. She studies it carefully, leaving it down after a moment. "Is the father aware of the pregnancy?" She asks me softly. "He is. He is just not in the picture." I reply, shrugging my shoulders. "I see. Have you decided how you are going to continue with the pregnancy?" She asks me and I hum. "I am keeping it. There are a lot of great single mothers out there. I can do it, and I have the resources to do so." I announce and she nods at me with a warm smile. "Since we don't have the father's history, we will have to keep an eye on a couple of things. Do not worry, though. There is nothing that worries me currently. We will book an appointment for the next month, during which you will give a urine and blood sample. Whatever you need, you will call me. You continue taking the prenatal vitamins and taking good care of yourself." "Should I be on the lookout for anything? I have already cut out coffee and booze and raw fish. Should I cut out anything else?" I ask her, picking out a little notepad I have to journal my symptoms. The older woman reaches across her desk to place her hand on top of mine. "You are ok as you are. I just want you to take it easy work-wise. No dangerous scenes and no rush movements. And lots of rest. That's all." She assures me, patting my hand softly. "OK. It's just... I am constantly worried that I am screwing up." I admit and she chuckles. "It's normal during the first pregnancy. But you are doing great. Try doing something that relaxes you. Stress is not going to help you or your baby." She comments and I take in a deep, calming breath.

--

At 4 months I expected to at least have a small bump. My stomach however is still as was, which up until today bugged me; I just need the visual reassurance that everything is going smoothly. But as it turns out, the lack of a bump today works to my advantage. "It feels like I haven't seen you in eons... "Crystal comments as she plates a few appetizers for the dinner table. "I know. But it has been such a hectic period. The show, the movies, the interviews...I don't remember when my last free day was." I reply. And it is the truth, just half of it. "Shouldn't it be less hectic now that we are so close to Christmas?" She asks me and I shake my head no. "Now it's the period we actually amp up. I don't know when it was the last time I had a chill Christmas since I got into this industry." I reply and she coos at me. "I am actually surprised you are even here at this time of the year. Aren't you guys heading to Aussie to spend Christmas with Michael's family?" I ask her and she shakes her head at me. "No one is heading back this year. The guys are working on the new album, so we are staying. What about you? What are your plans?" She asks me and I shrug. "I will attend a couple of events for PR, but that's it. I am too tired for anything else." I reply, letting out a sigh of hope. I am looking forward to a few days of just rest. My doctor warned me of how exhausted I would be once in my second trimester, but this is nothing like I expected. I have to take naps in between takes and I have to be in bed straight after I get home from shooting or I am a walking corpse the next morning. Not that I am in any better state if I sleep early, but my energy is dedicated to forming this tiny little human, so there is no much left for me to do but sleep. "Earth to (Y/N)... Are you here with us...?" Crystal nearly demands my attention. "Sorry. I spaced for a bit. What were you saying?" I ask her, turning to look at her. "I asked if you could take this to the table. Are you ok?" She asks me and I hum, picking up the wooden salad bowl.

I try to make a beeline to the table, avoiding Calum who from the moment I arrived has been trying to pull me aside. Focusing a bit too much on my balance while carrying the bowl, I don't realize that Calum was in the corner, not until his hand is wrapped around my wrist.

"What are you doing?" I ask trying to pull away from him. "You've been avoiding me." He states in an almost whisper/shout. "Yeah, you figured." I try to pull my wrist from his grip but he only tightens it. "You are hurting me." I groan, making him gasp as he realizes how hard he is holding me. He lets go of my wrist and holds his hands up to show me he is not here to hurt me. "I just want to ask how you are." He awkwardly states, looking at his feet. "I am fine." I reply, almost hugging the bowl. "What about the... pregnancy? What did you do with it?" He whispers, looking around to make sure no one is listening. "It's none of your business. I told you, it was my problem" I reply coldly, avoiding eye contact. "Was?" He asks me. I can't tell why he has such a somber tone. I know for fact he was not hoping to become a father. "Leave me alone." I spit out, trying to make it sound like a warning. I rush to walk away, looking for a plan to avoid him until dinner. He won't dare ask at the table, in front of our friends.

My fair luck has it that Calum won't bother me until we all sit at the table. His gaze is on me though, examining my every move. Who is he trying to convince? 2 months went by since I told him that I am pregnant and he hasn't even bothered calling me to talk about this. "Would anyone like some more wine?" Michael asks, looking at everyone at the table. I shake my head no with a polite smile, earning a hum from the host "You haven't even touched your glass. Would you like to switch to white?" He asks me. "I am on antibiotics..." "She is pregnant." Before I could even finish my excuse, Calum chimes in, making my eyes go wide. The whole table freezes and I have to fight tears. "Is it true?" I am not sure who asked the question; all I do is focus on not having a panic attack. "It is.'' Calum replies; if looks could kill, the one I am throwing at him currently would have him dead. "How do you know?" Crystal asks. "She is pregnant with my baby." Calum admits. All I want is for the earth below my feet to swallow me whole. "Your baby? (Y/N) what is he talking about?" Ashton asks me. "Are you happy now, Cal? Do you enjoy humiliating me?" I ask him, sniffling. "That was not my goal." He replies. "Then what is your goal?" I snap. "I don't know, (Y/N)..." "Wait... Are you guys together? Were you ever together?" Michael sounds confused. "No... God no..." I mumble. "We used to be friends with benefits." Calum adds. "Is that the reason why you broke up with Javi?" Crystal, ever so the biggest fan of Javi asks. "No. Calum and I were over before I got with Javi. And we started sleeping together again after Javi and I were over." I reply, wiping away the stray tears that rolled down my cheeks. "I assume this pregnancy wasn't planned..." Luke states and I nod. "It wasn't. And this whole thing wasn't planned. I don't know why all of the sudden Calum chose to claim this baby as his. He really didn't want to believe it was his when I told him. Now if you excuse me, I am not feeling very well." I stand up from my seat, leaving the table and heading to the bathroom.

I just want to hide in here forever, the idea of slipping out through the backyard doesn't sound so bad right now. It is humiliating, having my private life out like that is a nightmare. "Can you please open the door?" Calum knocks on the door rapidly. I decide not to respond, hoping he will give up and walk away. "I will knock it down if you don't open up..." He threatens, sounding serious. "You wouldn't dare destroy Michael's house." "Would you like to try me?" He asks me and I groan. I get up from the edge of the tub, unlocking the door and letting Calum walk in. "Are you ok?" He asks me, closing the door for some privacy. "You care?" I ask him back, folding my arms before my chest. "Of course I care. Are you ok?" He asks me. "I am humiliated." "I am sorry." He apologizes, walking closer to me. "What were you thinking?" I ask him. "I wasn't. I was just excited you kept the baby, and I didn't realize I said it out loud. And then there was no turning back." He admits and I shake my head at him. "Why did you even get excited? You freaked out when I told you and you doubted it is even yours." I point out and he sighs. "I can't even tell you how badly I regret that day." "Why didn't you reach out to me then? Why didn't you call and apologized?" "I felt so guilty, I couldn't. I was hoping to bump into you. I was hoping to see you having a baby bump so I would realize you have kept our baby. But you showed up today flat as ever and I couldn't tell. Why don't you have a bump?" He asks me and I shrug. "I have... You just can't tell over the clothes. It's a small one, but it is still early "I explain. "At 4 months the book says you should be showing." He mumbles. "What book?" I ask, tilting my head to the side. "The What to expect one. I started reading it a month ago." "You didn't even know whether I was still pregnant or not." "I just wanted to be prepared." He admits, shrugging his shoulders. "Prepared for what?" I ask him. "I want to take responsibility. You are having our baby and I want to be part of it. I want to be all in." "You don't have to pressure yourself to take up that role. It was my decision to keep it. It is my decision to raise it. I don't expect anything from you anymore." "I know. I still want to be part of the baby's life. I know you'll ask why I didn't say that earlier, and I honestly don't know the reason. But I know that I have been catching myself becoming too excited about becoming a dad." He states. I am not sure what to say so I just stay quiet. "I think I am heading home. I am sure the guys will understand." I sigh, rubbing my temples. "I'll drive you home." He offers, gesturing me to follow him. "You don't have to. I have my car here." I brush it off, but he doesn't badge. "We'll take your car, then. I will pick up mine tomorrow. Come on, it is the least I can do after today." He insists, looking at me in the eye. I sigh, giving up and following him.

The walk to the dining room to gather my stuff feels more like a walk of shame. I can feel everyone's eyes on me, watching my every move. "I am driving (Y/N) home. I'll pick up my car tomorrow. Thanks for the invite tonight, sorry for the tension." Calum says as he picks up his things. "Are you feeling ok, (Y/N)?" Luke asks me softly. "Yeah, just a little tired. Thanks for tonight, guys. Hope we can do this again soon."

Calum drives quietly and carefully, not taking his eyes off the road. I lean my head against the window, placing a hand on top of my stomach and relaxing. "Are you ok?" He asks me and I hum. "Just sleepy... Part of the pregnancy package, you know." I reply and he nods his head. "Is everything ok with the pregnancy? Are you and the baby alright?" He asks me. "Last checkup showed we are both ok." I assure him. "Do you know the gender?" "I decide not to find out. It doesn't matter anyway." I shrug, closing my eyes. "Do you need anything? Sorry, I meant, can I help with anything?" "I am fine. But thank you, I appreciate it." "If you need anything, at any time, just call me. I will be there for anything." He states, his voice serious and well-paced. "Thank you, Cal." I have to touch the roof of my mouth with my tongue to stop myself from becoming emotional over the literal bare minimum, but my damn hormones are on an all-time high lately.

--

(Calum's POV)

Ashton passes me a cup of coffee as he takes a seat next to me on the couch, leaning his head on his palm. Tiredness is evident in him; he has been recording vocals for the past 2 hours, and this is his first real break of the day. "How you holding up?" I ask him, watching him bring his mug to his lips. "I'll survive. You?" He asks me and I shrug. "It's alright. I am not even tired yet." I reply with a sigh. "You look pretty spent..." He mumbles and I hum. "I don't know. I feel a bit bad. The whole thing with (Y/N) the other day... I feel guilty. I didn't want to humiliate her, really. And after that she was really hurt. It was so awkward between us." I explain and he sighs. "You really did catch everyone by surprise. It dropped like a bomb." He comments and I nod my head. "I know, I know. But I had no idea if she had kept the baby and I just got so excited when I realize she was not drinking because she was still pregnant... I can't even describe it." "You really do want this child." He gasps and I nod my head with a small smile. "I can't even tell you how much I want it. It's like, there is a little bit of me and a little bit of her in this child. I am going to be a father, it's surreal." I admit and he scoffs playfully. "What?" I ask him, furrowing my eyebrows. "Nothing... Just... Are you in love with her?" He asks me and I shake my head at him, sitting forward a bit. "With (Y/N)? No. Friendship is easy with her and she is an amazing person. And sex is good, I mean, was good. But I don't think she could ever be with someone like me." I reply and he chuckles. "I didn't ask you how she feels. I asked you how you feel." He insists. I bite my tongue, trying not to say anything that will sound too stupid. I don't know the answer, I wish I did. But I can't possibly explain that to someone without sounding utterly lunatic.

My phone ringing saves me from having to come up with an excuse for Ashton. I sigh, thanking whoever is calling for this gift. "It's (Y/N)." Ashton announces, handing me my phone from the coffee table. I knit my eyebrows together; it is completely unexpected for her to call me. She hasn't done so for months now. "Hey. What's up?" I ask her, sitting up from the couch to head somewhere a bit more privately. "Can you come over my place?" She asks. She doesn't sound well, her voice is heavy and almost out of breath. "Is everything alright?" I ask her and she whimpers. "I fell. I think I sprained my ankle. But I fell on my stomach and I am scared. I need someone to take me to the hospital. Can you please come over to pick me up?" She asks. "Don't move. I am on my way. You are going to be ok." I rush to pick up my stuff, my heart pounding in my chest. "I can call a cab if you are busy." "No, no. I am coming over. 15 minutes max. Hold still and only try to get up when I ring your doorbell." I insist, finding my car keys and wallet on the end table next to the couch I was sitting on a few minutes ago. "Thank you." She mumbles. "Is everything ok? You look yellow." Ashton comments. "I have to go. I'll call you later." I practically run out of the door, my heart pounding out of my chest.

(Y/N's POV)

"I am sorry." I sigh as Calum helps me through the exit of the hospital. "Why are you sorry?" He asks me, holding me by my waist so I lean onto him. "I called you for nothing. It's just a sprained ankle." I explain and he chuckles. "I am glad you called me. And I am glad it is just a sprained ankle. I really want you to feel free to call me even for a funny sneeze. Can you stay here? I'll bring the car right there so you don't have to strain your ankle walking all the way there." He points to the back of the parking lot and I nod, fixing my cardigan closer to my body. "I'll just lean on the wall." I smile at him. He takes a second to observe me, staying quiet as his eyes dart from my face down my body and back, but then shakes his head, like he is trying to snap out of it, and walks away.

He has been my rock today, picking me up and carrying me to his car from my apartment, talking with the doctors to make sure the baby and I are alright, and holding me sane throughout the few hours stay at the hospital. If his words were not good to me until now, his actions today are a good vouch for his commitment to becoming a father.

Within a couple of minutes, Calum stops the car before me, getting out of the driver's seat and strutting to help me get in the car. "I could have taken a couple of steps by myself." "The doctor said you should be resting your foot." He reminds me and I groan. "I will be fine for a couple of steps." I protest as he helps me sit on the passenger seat, sliding it a bit back so I can stretch my legs. "You are quite stubborn, you know." "I know. It is one of my best qualities." I cock an eyebrow and he shakes his head.

He pulls over midway to my house, turning on the blinkers and shifting on his seat to look at me. "What?" I ask after a moment of his staring. "I want you to come and stay with me. At least until you give birth. I don't think i have ever been as scared as today. I can't even imagine how I would feel if something more serious had happened. I want you to come stay with me, so I can take care of the both of you." He announces, not breaking eye contact. I nod my head, feeling a weight lifting off my shoulders. "It was scary for me too. Yeah, I'd like that, I'd like to stay with you." I admit and he smiles at me. "Ok then." He clears his throat, turning back to the steering wheel and pulling into the road. "Wait, you mean now?" I ask him, watching as he takes an exit that doesn't lead to my place. "Of course." "I don't have anything with me. How am I supposed to move to your place without even the essentials?" I ask him. "Oh, (Y/N)... Don't overcomplicate things. You'll make a list of what you need tomorrow morning and I will pick it up." "What about tonight?" I ask, crossing my arms before my chest. "Come on... I can give you whatever you need." It is really infuriating that he leaves no space for me to pick up a fight. I bite the inside of my cheek and sulk, leaning back on my seat and keeping my arms folded before me.

"The bed in my room is more comfortable, you should take that. I will be in the guest room." Calum helps me walk into his house, throwing his keys on the console. "I don't want to take you out of your bed. I will be just ok in the guest room." I assure him, but Calum, stubborn as he is, shakes his head at me. "You are sleeping in the main room. End of discussion." He insists. I roll my eyes at him but decide against protesting him tonight. "Who's the stubborn now?" I ask him and chuckles. "One thing's for sure... We'll make a hell of a stubborn baby." He mumbles, causing a smile to spread on my face.

"Are you comfortable?" Calum asks me, fixing a pillow under my sprained ankle. "I am. Thank you." I reply. I don't think it is possible to be surrounded by more pillows, but Calum seems dedicated to adding as many as it takes to make me feel like sleeping on a cloud. "If you need anything, just shout." "Will you hear me? You are not the lightest of sleepers." I tease and he glares at me playfully. "Rude..." "Is it really rude if it's honest?" I tilt my head to the side, cocking my eyebrow a little. Calum sighs, staring at me for a second before getting up from the bed. "Get some sleep. You need it." He leaves the room, turning the lights off, leaving the lamp on the bedside table to shine a light.

"Good morning, sunshine..." Calum sings, getting into my temporary bedroom. "Oh, you are awake already?" He asks me, furrowing his eyebrows. I lock my phone and set it aside on the bed, smiling at Calum who is carrying a tray in hand. "I have been up for an hour or so... I am making a list of the things I need from my place. Is that for me?" I ask, peeking over at the tray. "Yeah. I didn't want you getting out of bed for breakfast, so here..." He explains, leaving the tray on the bed. I take a look and pick up the mug of hot, steaming, delicious coffee and with a heavy heart leave it on the bedside table. "Can't have coffee..." I mumble, pointing at my bump. "Oh, shit. I forgot. I should get some decaf..." "No, don't bother. All decaf does is make me crave real coffee. I'll have the juice." I pick up the glass and take a sip. He watches me carefully as I start my breakfast, sitting on the edge of the bed. "What?" I ask him, picking up a strawberry from the bowl. "What?" He asks me back. "You are staring." I comment and he looks at me defensively. "No, I am not. I am not staring." "Yeah, you are. You have been staring at me since yesterday. First at the hospital, then on the drive here, and now this... What's up with that?" I ask, taking a bite. "I am not staring. "You are. It feels like you are judging my every move, honestly." I point out and he shakes his head. "I am not. And I am not staring. End of discussion." He snaps, making me look at him taken aback. "I am sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I am just overwhelmed with everything, it is not your fault. Can you give me the list?" He asks me and I nod, deciding not to hold it against him. He looked really tensed yesterday, on the edge until the doctor told us the baby was ok. "Sure. I'll AirDrop it. Would you like some?" I ask, offering him a piece of toast. "No, thanks. It's yours." "I don't like eating alone, you know that." I insist and he sighs, grabbing an orange slice. "How were you eating when you were staying at your place?" He asks. "I meant I don't like being the only person eating when I am with others. Gee, you don't let anything drop, do you?" I ask and he smiles, shaking his head at me. "Nope. So, you finish with breakfast, and I will head to your place for your things, then I will be back here. Any requests for dinner?" He asks me. "Don't you have to head to the studio?" I ask and he shakes his head no. "I called Ashton yesterday and told him I won't go back until Monday. He understood, so we moved things around a bit. What about you? Aren't you filming?" He asks me. "I called the producer when I woke up and told her I won't be able to film for a couple of weeks. And then we will have to work around the bump, which means refitting and props and I hate it... I couldn't have been taken off at the worst moment than this." I groan, feeling my eyes brimming with angry tears. "Hey, hey, sweetheart. It is alright. Let's be thankful it is just a sprained ankle and nothing worse. You'll take 2 weeks off, rest up, and then I am sure you will figure it out. Everything is going to be fine, I promise you that." He brings a hand to cradle my face, running his thumb over my cheek. He is soft and soothing, and I feel my stomach fill with butterflies. Had he not treated me as he did in the past, I would have sworn I am in love with him. But he did treat me badly, and I know this whole thing is only due to the stupid pregnancy hormones. All the while it took me to attribute the butterflies to the right reason, I was staring at his lips, plump and soft, inviting for kissing. But this is also due to the hormones making me yearn, so I flick my eyes back to the tray before me. "You should FaceTime me once you are at my place. I can guide you to my stuff." I clear my throat as Calum retrieves his hand. "Yeah, yeah... Sure. And whatever you remember, you should just tell then, I'll pick it up." He mumbles, flustered as he forces his eyes to move to his lap.

(Calum's POV)

"Is (Y/N) ok?" Ashton asks as we settle for lunch at a little cafe near the studio. "She is alright, resting up. Thank God it was just her ankle. She is going back to filming next week." I reply, taking a look at the menu card. "It must have been scary. I can't even imagine how you two handled that." "It was... At least until we reached the hospital and were told the baby was ok. After that, it was like we both took a breath." I admit and he hums. "How is the whole living together going?" He asks me and I shrug. "It is actually better than expected. And she is super chill now. I am thinking that maybe she should permanently move in, so I can help with the baby and be present for it once it's born. I don't know, we obviously need to talk about it and figure it out, but I have been thinking about it since she moved in." I reply, settling on an avocado sandwich for lunch. "Hm..." Ashton simply hums. "What? What is with all the humming?" I ask him and he shrugs. "I don't know, Calum. You used to sleep with her, then she got a boyfriend and per your last confession, you got jealous. So jealous that you didn't want to see each other for weeks. Then you cut it off with every other girl you were seeing and once (Y/N) was single again, you went back to sleeping with her. You 'broke up' again because you got scared of becoming a father, but got excited when you realized she didn't get an abortion. And now you two are all good, living together, playing house, and thinking of making it permanent, but you won't admit your feelings for her. And don't pretend you don't feel anything and that you only see her as a friend, because I swear to God, I am up to here with your bullshit." Ashton goes on and on with his little monologue, which by now is pretty comical. "Stop messing with my head. Ever since you asked me last week, I have been staring at her like a creep. She thinks I am judging her." "I am messing with your head? You are about to become a father, the least you can do is be honest with yourself. And with (Y/N). It is a little weird you want to live with her, raise a baby with her, and like having sex with her but you can't admit to yourself that you like her. I think you are the one messing with your head." He defends himself, snatching the menu from before me. "Can we talk about something else? I am enough of a mess as is." I beg, earning another hum from him.

The house is quiet when I enter it, not that I was expecting elsewise. However, Duke is not there to greet me as he usually does, which is conspicuous. I walk towards the living room, easily spotting him laying on the couch along (Y/N) who is petting him hazily. "Hey there." I greet making them both turn their head towards me. "Hi. You are home early." (Y/N) says sleepily. Duke doesn't move from laying on her lap, paying little attention to me. "There wasn't much to do at the studio, honestly. Mostly re-recording some parts. Hey, bub... What about paying a little attention to me? What's up?" I use a soft voice to the dog, who only moves his eyes. "He is listening to the baby. It's far more interesting than paying attention to you..." "He is listening to the baby? Lucky him..." I mumble and (Y/N) chuckles. "You can too if you want to. The baby is moving a lot today, lots of kicks too." She invites me, laying more on the couch. "May I?" I ask her and she nods, smiling softly at me. I gently move Duke from her lap, leaving him on the floor and causing him to grumble at me. Ignoring that, I press my ear on (Y/N)'s stomach, focusing until I hear what I am looking for. It makes me giggle, the little spring sound and sensation feeling weird and primitive. "Fuck..." I whisper and (Y/N) laughs. I bring a hand to the side of her stomach, trying to submerge myself in this sensation. "It's weird, isn't it?" She asks me and I nod. "Mindblowing. That's our baby..." I point out and she hums. "It is. You can talk to it if you'd like. It is good for building a bond." She explains. "I don't know what to say." "Say whatever. It's good for the baby to hear your voice." "Ok... Hi, this is your daddy." I deepen my voice, making (Y/N) laugh loudly. "Jesus..." "What?" "You don't have to deepen your voice. You are not trying to intimidate it. Just, be casual." She instructs. Her hand moves to my hair, stroking through my locks as I go back to pressing my lips on her stomach. "Your mom says I should be more casual, but I honestly don't know how I am supposed to do that. I am excited to be talking to you, I hope you can hear me. It is comfortable in there, isn't it? Mommy's taking good care of you. And you have a protector on the outside for when I am gone, you have our Duke, who is much in love with your mama, and you. You are going to be a wonderful little person, I know that, I am going to make sure of that. Love you already..." I coo, pressing my lips on (Y/N)'s bump. I bring my eyes to meet (Y/N)'s, finding her tearing up. "What is it?" I ask her, sitting up and hovering over her to get her face in my hand. "(Y/N), what is it?" I ask her again, softening my voice. "It's nothing... It's just the hormones and the tension and the tiredness. I am fine, I swear." She hides her face with her hands, but I pry them away and grip her chin. "It's not nothing. It's the hormones, the tension, and the tiredness. It is something." I state, making her groan. "Now what is it?" I ask her with a soft sigh. "You have to stop being so soft and kind with me." She states and I look at her with a furrow. "Why is that? You'd rather me going back to being an asshole?" I ask her and she nods. "Yeah, I'd much rather that..." She mumbles. "And why is that?" "Because the hormones, the tension, the tiredness, and you being so soft is a deathly combination." "Deathly?" I ask. "Yeah, the combination is going to make me fall for you." She admits, her face becoming red hot. "And would that be too bad?" I ask her and she nods her head. "None of us need that right now." "Need and want are two very distinct things." I point out. "What is that supposed to mean?" "Do you want to fall for me? Do you want us to fall for each other?" I ask her, rubbing my thumb over her cheek. "Calum..." She sighs softly. "It is a very simple question, Ms. (Y/L/N). Do you want to fall for me?" "You don't want that." "You don't get to speak on my behalf." I mumble, leaning closer to her. Her breath hitches, and her lips part in surprise. Good, that was the reaction I was looking for. "Calum..." She moans. "Moan my name, one more time..." I almost beg her. "We shouldn't..." She moans again, her eyes searching mine for any inhibitions. "You and I have a history of not doing what we should do. So, shoulds and shouldn'ts are not the best criteria for this." I remind her, my thumb grazing over her bottom lip.

And just as her breath becomes funny, her phone rings, and I have to move away from her. I run a hand down my face, cursing whoever interrupted us as (Y/N) picks up her phone. "Hi, Sarah... No, I am fine, I am fine..." (Y/N) says fast, pressing her hand on her cheek as she stands up and slowly moves a bit further.

"There you are..." I state, finding (Y/N) sitting on the edge of the bed, applying some lotion on her legs. "I needed a shower. Um, I don't want to sound like a pig, but what's for dinner?" She asks me, avoiding looking me in the eye. "I was actually looking for you about that. I am thinking of ordering pasta. Any preferences?" I ask her and she hums. "Meatballs on spaghetti, sauce on the side. Extra cheese. Like, a lot of extra cheese." She replies and I chuckle. "I didn't expect you to reply so fast." "Eh, I have been thinking about dinner for a while now. I spent my morning thinking of my responses for various suggestions you could possibly make for dinner. I really do need to go back to work." "Mm, you do. Ok, I'll place the order." "Oh, don't forget..." "Yeah, I know, the buttered rolls." I mumble on my way down the hall.

(Y/N) twirls her fork in her spaghetti, still chewing the last bite she took. "Is it that good?" I ask her, and she bumbles, her face glowing with happiness. "It is. I think I am in love with this pasta." She giggles. I cannot help but admire how happy she gets over the littlest thing. "That much, huh?" "I am so rude... Would you like to try some?" She offers me, sliding her plate closer to me. "I am good, but thank you." I reply, pointing at my plate. "Can we talk about what went on before my phone call?" She sighs, leaving her cutlery on each side of the plate. "I was actually trying to find a way to bring back the conversation." I admit, focusing all my attention on her. "I don't know where to start..." She mumbles, fiddling with her fingers. "What about you answer my question for starters? Do you want to fall for me?" I ask her. She doesn't move her eyes from her hands. "I think I am well past that." She states. "And now I made things awkward between us." She sighs, throwing her head back. "I think that we owe it to ourselves to be honest with each other about our feelings. And I, for once, haven't been able to stop thinking about you since I met you. I don't know exactly what this is, but it is not friendship anymore. I don't even know when it started evolving from friendship." I confess, feeling a weight getting lifted off my shoulders. "And I also think that we owe to ourselves to at least try being together." "We wouldn't even work when we were in the no strings attached phase." She chuckles, but I just shrug it off. "I want all strings attached with you. And I think we weren't working because we weren't honest with each other." "Are you going to be honest with me from now on?" She asks me and I smirk. "Only if you promise to be honest with me as well." "It sounds like something I can do..." She smirks as well. I pick up my glass of lemonade, prompting her to do the same. "To honesty." "To honesty." She agrees. "And to our first date." I add. "Oh, this is a first date?" She asks and I hum. "Doesn't it feel like a first date?" "Not really. It's just dinner." She cocks an eyebrow. "How about after dinner, I walk you up where you live, wish you a good night, and steal a first kiss from you?" I suggest and she lets out a laugh. "I am not sure I should let you know where I live on our very first date. I mean, I have practically just met you." She jokes, faking a poised expression that makes me snicker.

--

(Y/N's POV)

"(Y/N), Calum is here..." My assistant peeks through the door of my trailer, prompting me to leave my lines on the couch beside me. "What is he doing here?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows together. "I don't know. He said he brought you lunch. Should I let him in?" She asks me and I nod, sitting up a bit to leave him some space on the couch where I am resting. Calum peeps through, checking with me before he gets inside. "I didn't think bringing you food would be so difficult." Calum comments, walking closer to me. He leans down, planting a soft kiss on my lips, before leaving the takeout bag on my lap. "You are not my usual delivery guy... They are just looking out for your girlfriend and unborn child..." I comment, trying to take a look into the paper bag. "You have a usual delivery guy?" He asks me, scooting me down the couch and sitting behind me, moving me between his thighs. I lean my head back against his shoulder, letting him place his hands on my bump. "My assistant usually brings me food. But since I got pregnant I have been craving salads from this place at the Hills... So I usually order from them." I reply, grabbing the bag to look inside. "Salads? Since when do you crave salads?" He asks me in a playful tone, pecking at my temple. "Since I saw how hot the delivery guy from that place is." I reply, just as playfully. Calum hums, biting onto my neck to make me laugh. "If that leaves a mark, it will show on camera, and my makeup artist will hate you for the extra work to cover it." "We will say you were attacked by a vampire." He jokes, rubbing his hand over my belly. "I like this dress on you... It's so soft." He mumbles, lips still attached to my neck. I just hum, closing my eyes and letting him go on. "I have been thinking about you all day. I have been thinking of last night and the way you tasted. I have been thinking of the way you were touching me... You haven't left my mind all day." He whispers, moving his lips to my ear. "Must have been a very hard day..." "Oh, you have no idea... You haunt my thoughts all day." "Even when I look like that?" I ask him. "I've never seen you look sexier." He replies, running his tongue over my sweetspot. I shiver, a moan escaping my lips as Calum's hand leaves my bump and moves south, resting at the hem of my dress. "I have to read my lines..." I mutter, but both of us know I am too weak to deny him. "Oops, pregnancy brain, you forgot..." He replies, drawing a pattern on my exposed thigh. "You are so good at finding excuses... It's such a special talent." I reply breathlessly. "I am inspired..." He whispers, bringing his free hand to fondle my breasts. "Shit... I love what pregnancy is doing to your body." He groans, pressing my breast in his palm. "You say that because you are not the one carrying all that extra weight around." I protest. His lips peck below my jaw, making me shiver. "Let me relieve you a bit then. I know some ways to make you feel better." Calum offers and I moan, ready to succumb to him. "I don't know when they'll call me. We will have to be quick." "Quick? I don't think I can do that... They'll have to wait for you, princess." He mumbles, slipping his hand under my dress. He pushes my panties aside, guiding his fingers to my core. "God, princess... You are so wet... So needy, aren't you?" He asks, gathering wetness with the tip of his finger. "Hormones..." I mutter, earning a chuckle from him. "Come on, princess... It's not fair to blame everything on your hormones... You were just as needy before pregnancy." He teases, flicking his finger over my clit. I almost lose my mind, the teasing is relentless at this point. I feel sweat beading at my temples, and suddenly my trailer feels small and stuffy. "You have to do something. Please, Calum... For the love of God, do something." I beg, feeling shivers covering every inch of my body. "Oh, princess... It makes my heartache, how desperate you get." I can hear the smirk in his voice, that sadistic little smirk he does when my neediness amuses him. It is almost intoxicating. "I really do have to do something, don't l? It would be cruel to leave the mother of my child like that... Wouldn't it, love?" He asks. I can almost feel relief when I hear his zipper rattle as he frees his cock. He hooks his thumbs on either side of my panties, lowering them to my knees before he helps me raise my hips in the air so I can line his cock to my entrance.

It is almost cathartic feeling him inside me. His cock throbs as it slides inside me inch by inch, pushing my walls to wrap around him. I can't stop the moan from slipping out of my lips, no matter how hard I press my lips together. "So good for me, princess. You wrap around me so well..." Calum hisses, placing a hand softly on my hip. I lean my head back, closing my eyes to focus on riding his cock. His free hand lowers the neckline of my dress along with the cups of my bra, letting my tits spill free. It is such a relief, the tender, swollen breasts becoming covered in goosebumps as they are freed from the tight restraints. "Calum..." I sigh, moving on him to feed the hunger inside my belly. "Just a kitten, aren't you? Listen to you purring for my cock... Even our baby in your belly doesn't stop you from being desperate..." He chuckles, caressing my breast. "Don't kill the vibe, please." I beg and he hums. "How could I? You look so sexy like that, princess. Bouncing on my cock like that, taking all of me in your tight little cunt. Bet your face looks so good right now. Bet your lip is tucked between your teeth on the side like it always is when I fuck you... Bet your eyes are watering. Am I right, princess?" He asks me and I groan, frustrated over how well he knows me. "I am not sure if I can keep going with this. I am not sure if I can take more." I mumble. I can feel heat crawl up to my ears; his teasing was relentless and the hormones don't really allow me to hold from reaching my high for long. "Oh, you shouldn't cum yet, princess. It's impolite not to wait for me to get there before you come around me." He patronizes me. I can hear the devilish smirk on his lips, which other than irritating, is incredibly hot. "I can't..." I protest but he chuckles. "Sure you can... You can do it, princess, I believe in you." He bucks his hips up, pounding his tip on my spot. I have to dig my nails in my palms, my breathing getting caught in the back of my throat as Calum decides that he is not edging me enough as is, and pulls at my nipple. I whimper, my back arching as his fingers tweak the already pointy bud. "Cal..." I protest. I can feel my clit throbbing, the bundle of nerves demanding attention. I am yearning for my release, my body trembling more by the minute I don't get it. "You have no idea how good your cunt feels around me, love..." He murmurs, pressing his lips on the spot between my shoulder blades. "Does it? Does my tight little cunt feel good around your cock, baby? Do you like the way I wrap around you like a glove? Bet you wish you could rail me like you used to... I am still dreaming of that, you know. I still dream of when you would have me on my back, with my legs spread wide apart, and you were fucking me with no mercy, almost like you hated me. Oh, baby... When I dream of that, I wake up with my hand between my legs, pressed right on that tight, pink cunt you like so much..." I moan, throwing my head back, making sure he hears how my voice is breaking. Two can play this game, and it is about time I get my revenge for all the teasing. "Shit... You minx. You've earned it, princess. You can cum, baby. Cum around my cock." He encourages me, making my pussy quiver around him. "Ah, shit... I might put another baby in your belly today, princess..." He groans, bucking his hips up to send me over the edge.

"It is technically impossible to put another baby inside me right now, you know that, right?" I ask Calum as he helps me clean up his cum from my cunt. "What, love?" He asks, wiping me carefully, before leaving a kiss right on my clit. I shiver, taking a moment to enjoy the lingering feeling of his lips. "I said that you can't get me pregnant now, that I am already pregnant. While we were fucking you told me that you might put another baby in my belly today..." I explain and he hums. "I know... But it sounded hot, didn't it?" He asks, grabbing the box of sushi so we can finally eat. "It did... Who would have known you have such a huge impregnation kink?" I sigh, grabbing a pair of chopsticks. "Did it really come as a surprise to you?" He asks, bringing an avocado roll to my mouth. He leaves a peck on my temple, before picking a roll for himself.

--

"How are you feeling today, bub?" Sierra asks me, taking a seat beside me on the porch table. "Good. I am just enjoying all the pampering. How are you feeling?" I ask, stroking my belly softly as I take in the soft, sunny day. "Good. But you are the most important person here. Can I get you anything?" She asks and I shake my head at her. "No, it's alright. Calum is tending to my every need." I gesture to the table before us, which by now is covered with snacks, water bottles, juice packs, hand-held fans, and pillows for my back. "He seems on top of it..." Sierra chuckles, relaxing back in her seat. "He has been great, actually. He takes his role very seriously." "Uh, he seems so happy. Honestly, you two are so good together. It's surprising it took you two so long to get together." "Yeah, I guess it did take a bit of time for that. But it is alright, good things take time. Hey, do you wanna feel the baby?" I ask, hoping to avoid this conversation with her today. "Oh my God, can I?" She asks excitedly and I nod. It is quite literally less invasive for her to physically touch me than go through with this conversation. Sierra leans in and places her ear and hand on my belly, stroking it softly and cooing at the baby moving.

Ever since Calum and I told our friends about our arrangement and now our relationship, everyone has become way too nosy for my liking. I was never the one to be so invested in their relationships, but they seem to be treating this with zero boundaries. I know they do it out of love, but it is too damn invasive. I turn my head and locate Calum across the backyard, shooting him a look and hoping that he gets my silent cry for help. "Oh my... He is moving a lot." Sierra cheers. "We don't know the gender yet..." I mumble. "Right, right, I forgot. Have you settled on any names?" She asks me. I smile politely and shake my head no, already feeling drained for the day. "Hey, love... You look a little tired. Si, do you think I can take her upstairs for a nap?" Calum asks, making Sierra stand up. "Of course. I didn't realize. Feel free to use whatever room." She assures us, getting up to help me stand up. "Oh, thank you. I just need a few minutes. You know, with growing the baby, I am tired all the time." "Take all the time you need." She replies as Calum helps me get upstairs.

"I was on the lookout for the look... If you hadn't given it in 2 minutes, I would have come myself." Calum whispers, opening the door to the guest room. "Why?" I ask. "They were a bit nosy... As always." "Why is everyone so nosy about our relationship? It feels like we are circus animals..." I groan, taking a seat on the bed. "I don't know, baby. I get they are excited for us, but it has been months since we told them, it has to stop." "I think once the baby is born we will be out of the spotlight." I giggle, leaning my head on his shoulder. "Nice, throwing our baby under the bus to save ourselves..." He jokes. "Even if they ask the baby questions, it won't be able to answer. It will just coo and chew its foot." I reply, and Calum sighs longingly. "I can't wait to see the baby..." He pouts, placing a hand on my stomach. "I mean, you will, in a month. And then you'll start wishing it was still inside my uterus." "If it takes from me, it's going to be a true angel." "Your mom has already filled me in on the nightmare named toddler Calum." I mumble and he gasps. "How dare you? All of you... I was perfect." "Anyway, the baby is going to be its own little person, no matter how hard we argue about your angelic status." "I can't believe we are going to be parents." He admits. "We sure have come a long way." I lay my back on the mattress, feeling a wave of relief as I don't have to actively carry the weight of the baby bump. Calum joins me, laying back as well and staring at the ceiling. "Maybe we can stay in here. We will say you are too tired to go downstairs for lunch, and I'll bring us food here." He suggests and I laugh. "We can't hide from our friends, Calum. And it is not very polite using your poor, pregnant girlfriend to dodge them like that." I reply and he hums. "You didn't mind when I used my poor pregnant girlfriend to get her out of Sierra's company." "I feel bad for leaving her like that." "You shouldn't. You have a good excuse, use it." He replies, pecking on my forehead.

--

"You can leave him down, you know... No one is going to take him away from us." I state tiredly, watching Calum as he cradles our baby carefully in his arms. "I know... I just don't want to leave him... Look at him, he is perfect. Just like you." He lifts his head just for a moment, only to take a loving look at me. "Cheesy, Hood. Do you say that to every girl you meet?" I ask and he chuckles. "Only the ones I have perfect babies with." He winks at me before he goes back to looking at our baby. "Are there more baby mamas? We should start a club." I say snarkily and Calum scoffs. "For someone who has just given birth, you sure have a lot of energy..." He mumbles. "Not for long. I'll have to feed him soon and then they'll take him for the night, so I can rest. And you should leave too, go sleep. You need rest." I suggest and he shakes his head no. "There is no way I am leaving you. What if you need something?" He asks me and I smile at how caring he is. "There are people here to take care of me, don't worry. Go sleep, take care of Duke, and make sure the house is ready for us. You can come over in the morning, we will be here, waiting for our daddy." I assure him. "Duke is already at Luke's. And the house is ready, there is nothing more to do, I checked the list thrice already." "You need a shower and a meal. And I am pretty sure they will shoo you out. The baby and I are pretty vulnerable still." "Fine. You win. I'll leave at 11. But I'll be right here bright and early." "You better. You have to bring me breakfast." "What type of breakfast does mommy want?" He asks, walking to my bed and sitting on the edge. I move the little beanie on top of our baby's head, taking a look at the fuzzy little head. "Everything bagel with chicken filet and cream cheese. And a smoothie with berries." "I'll ask the doctor if you can have that." He replies. "No, you don't understand... You will bring what I asked for." I nearly demand. "Isn't mommy such a brat?" Calum coos at the baby, before leaning in to kiss my lips softly. "She is. But daddy loves her for that." "She is very lucky he does. You know, we have to find him a name..." "I can't believe we haven't settled yet." "I can. But we have all the time in the world to find Baby (Y/L/N)-Hood a name." He passes the baby to me, before stroking my cheek softly.

--

"No wine for me." I cover my glass as Michael brings the bottle to pour me some. "What? Are you pregnant again?" He chuckles. "Breastfeeding, smartass." Calum mumbles before I could respond. "Right... Uh, can I bring you some juice?" Michael asks me. "No, just water is fine." I smile politely, fidgeting with the strap of my dress. "Are you guys thinking of having another one?" Crystal asks. Lewis has barely turned 4 months old and we are already talking about another baby? "No, not really. One is enough..." I reply for the both of us, and I am satisfied to see Calum nodding in agreement. "Lewis has the ability to keep us both busy at all times. I don't think I could do a second one..." "I agree. It takes a lot of energy to take care of Lewis, spend time with him, and work at the same time... It is nearly exhausting to even think of having another one." I add and Crystal shrugs. "I get it. It's pretty early for that." She responds. "I don't think we will change our mind on that, though. I don't know about Calum, but I don't think I could ever split the love I have for Lewis." "No, no, I agree. Lewis has all my love, undivided. I can't imagine loving someone else like that as well." Calum agrees. "So, just one?" "Just one."

"I can put him to bed..." Calum offers as we walk through the door. "I got him, don't worry." I assure him, taking the baby carrier from him. Lewis looks at me, suckling on his pacifier. "Can I at least bathe him? So you can get ready for feeding and bedtime..." Calum suggests, leaving a peck on my cheek. "That'd be lovely. Let's go upstairs." I yawn, feeling almost as sleepy as Lewis seems. "Use that chamomile wash we have. He responds better to it." I instruct, making Calum hum. "Ok, I got him. We will see you in a bit, mama." Calum cheers, heading into the bathroom.

I soothe Lewis until his eyes are shut and he is breathing softly before putting him carefully on his cradle. I cover him with his little blanket and fix his mobile to the night setting, before fixing the baby monitor and planting a kiss goodnight on his forehead. Calum is waiting at the door, smiling tiredly. "Are you ok?" I ask him in a whisper, making him hum as he reaches to fix a strand of hair behind my ear. "I am fine. Can we talk?" He asks me and I nod, taking his hand in mine. We walk into our bedroom, and until the moment we sit on the bed, he remains quiet, silent, and a little jittery. "Are you sure you are ok?" I ask him, placing my hand on top of his. "I am. But I need to talk to you, and I am pretty sure you are the only person who can understand me." He begins. "What is it, Cal?" I ask softly. "While you were feeding Lewis, Michael and Crystal asked me why we are not getting married." "Your friends are such jerks, God... Calum, please don't tell me you are seriously thinking of proposing to me..." "You don't want to?" He asks me. I can see the relief on his face. "I don't. I really don't. I never wanted marriage, and I never wanted children. Lewis is wonderful, but you and I know he was an accident. I don't think I am meant for all this." I explain. I can hear him take a deep breath, almost as if he is thanking me for that response. "You know I love you, right?" He asks me. "I know. And I love you too. But this is not working, is it? That's what you want to tell me." "You feel that too?" He asks and I nod. "There is nothing I like more than being with you, spending time with you, hanging out with you, raising a baby with you. But everyone has so many expectations. It's like they expect us to make the next move. I get it, they are excited, but holy fuck, I think the expectations are killing me." "I know. I really agree with you. Being with you is amazing, and I want to freeze it here. But everyone is waiting like a vulture for the next step." "Honestly, it was more fun when we were friends with benefits." "Even more fun when we were exclusive friends with benefits." He adds and I chuckle. "Do you ever wish we could go back to that?" I ask him with a nostalgic sigh. "Maybe we should. Maybe we should just, go back to that stage." "What? Calum, that's impossible." I laugh. "Why? We are two friends, enjoying and supporting each other, living together, and raising a baby together. Nothing more." "Everyone will think we are insane..." "Fuck everyone. It's us that matters." "So this changes nothing between us." "Except it changes everything. We make it clear that this is it, this is what fits us." He replies. I bite the inside of my cheek, before plopping with my back on the bed. "Look at us... This is what communication does..." I admire how far we have come. If anyone told me a year ago we would have reached that point, I would have scoffed and brushed it off. "We have really grown and matured... Go us." "You know, this is pretty unconventional, even for us." I comment and he shrugs. "When were we ever conventional?" He asks, leaning in to kiss me softly.

--

Part 1  /  My Masterlist  /  My Ko-Fi

[universitypenguin]

Restitution - Chapter Nineteen

Author's Note: This is taking a while to publish because I always forget how long it takes me to edit. But we press onward. Chapter Twenty is coming out very soon! I figured it was better not to keep you hanging about how the delivery went.

Word Count: 3,955

Masterlist

Warnings: Smut series. This work is part of a larger story which contains explicit, erotica level writing. 18+ readers only. Minors do not interact.

Chapter Nineteen

Two hours later, you were gripping Andy’s hand for dear life and gasping for breath. You’d finally hit six centimeters and suddenly back labor had hit you like a truck. Literal hell was ripping apart your spine as talons sank into your lower back. If someone had been trying to force a dull screwdriver through your lumbar vertebrae, it would have been less painful than this. The contractions had been steady for a while, but then they’d moved to where they’d started, in your back. Regular contractions that felt like cramps had turned into a singular contraction that didn’t let up.

There was a sharp knock on the door, and a man leaned into the room.

“Excuse me, I’m Dr. Lavoda. Did someone order an epidural?”

Panting, you narrowed your eyes at him. He was average looking, with the compact build of a jockey and an upturned nose. His arrival brought you pure joy. You could have kissed him. Thirty minutes later, when the drugs were hitting you hard, he stopped by to check on your status. You asked if you could name the baby after him. Fortunately, there was no female name close to ‘Melvin.’ He laughed and assured you it was fine to pick something else.

When the nurse came to check your progress, Andy went outside for a better signal so he could call Steve. Ari took his place beside you. Now that the epidural had kicked in, you were bored.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Ari asked.

“Nah. I’d rather just relax.”

“Is the epidural that good?”

“I’m enjoying my medication.”

“Glad to hear it, doll.”

You sat up at the sound of Steve’s voice. Even in the low light of the delivery room, you could see the dark rings underneath his eyes.

“Steve! You made it!”

“Hey, baby. How’re you doing?”

He took your face in his hands, pressing a quick kiss to your lips.

“How’s our girl doing in there?” Steve asked.

“Good. Arriving a couple weeks early, it seems.”

“I’m sorry I left. I shouldn’t have gone.”

“You’re here now, and it was a joint decision. Mostly my idea, anyway. I guess I paid the price for that one.”

Steve lifted your hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to your knuckles.

“I’m glad you had Andy and Ari.”

“Ari spent the last hour showing me pictures of houses,” you whispered.

“Hey, we can’t stay in the townhouse forever,” Steve murmured.

You and Steve shared an amused look as Andy watched from the doorway, smiling at the scene. Ari was on the loveseat with his feet propped up on the coffee table and his eyes shut, dozing. Looking around the room, you felt a weight lift off your shoulders. It wasn’t just the drugs. You felt as if you were in the exact right spot, at the perfect time, doing what you were meant to do. It was like meeting your destiny and that recognizing it belonged to you. The squeak of rubber on tile broke the spell. Your nurse paused when she saw Steve beside you.

“Hello. You must be the Daddy?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Your brothers have been a great support system for your wife. They’re going to be amazing fathers themselves someday.”

Steve’s smile gleamed with pride. “She just told me the same thing. How’s everything going?”

“Perfectly,” the nurse glanced at your epidural button, lying beside you on the bed. “Ready for a top off? We’re hanging out at nine centimeters and I think it’ll be time to push soon.”

“Will it? I keep making progress, then slowing down.”

She did a quick exam. “You’re doing great. I’ll call the doctor.”

A half an hour passed, and you weren’t any closer to the end. Hunger gnawed at your stomach when the clock ticked off another hour. Andy went for a second batch of ice chips.

The second he left the room, you felt a burning sensation. Your grip tightened on Steve’s hand and he jolted at the harsh squeeze.

“What’s wrong? Should I get the nurse?”

He waited for your answer but the burning faded off in a second. You hesitated, unsure of what had happened. Abruptly, the painful tightening returned, dull and remote compared to what it had been. When it eased, you had only a second before the sensation flared again.

“Aaahh…”

Even without pain, the pressure was tremendous.

“I think the baby is coming!”

The doctor and nurse showed up, as if your words had summoned them. For the next twenty minutes, the pressure kept coming in waves. It was impossible to describe the feeling - like being crushed? Having someone pressing you down with all their strength? The medications masked the pain but the movement of the labor caused a ton of pressure in your lower body. Pushing with the epidural was even weirder. It took you several tries to get it right. Then the burning sensation was back. The doctors and nurses kept demanding more, more, and finally you pushed through it.

“Here she is!”

The nurse’s exclamation took you by surprise. You leaned forward to see. A sharp, irritated cry sounded as your daughter protested being brought into the world. You couldn’t help but laugh at the furious wail.

“Do you want us to dry her off?” the doctor asked.

“No, I’ll take her.”

They laid her on your chest and you studied her, amazed to the point of disbelief. This was your daughter; it didn’t feel real. Around you the staff moved, wrapping up the procedure. You felt as if you were in a haze. The baby was red and wrinkly, covered in fluid. She looked like every other baby that had ever been born. Yet, she was perfect. Her squalling cries were so outraged you couldn’t help but laugh. This was your baby, and Steve’s.

You looked up to find him watching you. Tears gleamed in his eyes and you saw the red tracks on his cheeks.

“Do you want to hold her?”

“There’s no rush. She needs skin on skin contact.”

“Unbutton your shirt,” Andy said.

“Huh?”

Steve blinked, glancing towards him.

“Undo the buttons on your shirt. Let her have skin on skin contact with you.”

“Right.”

Steve scrambled to undo his button down, and you passed the baby to him. You could feel the giddy smile on your face as you watched him cradle her to his chest. She looked so tiny, wrapped in his massive arms. He held her with exquisite gentleness. You sniffled and wiped away tears. Ari pressed tissues into your hand and bent to kiss your cheek.

“You did so good, sweetheart. She’s perfect.”

“I know.”

You took Ari’s hand and drew him into a tight hug. Steve paced to the window as he tried to settle the baby’s disgruntled cries. When Andy joined him on the other side of the room, you lowered your voice and turned to Ari.

“Thank you for being there for me. You were on board every step of the way. I would have gone crazy without you.”

“I love you. I love my brothers. All of you needed me to step up, so I did.”

“You should go hold her.”

Ari flashed a smug grin. “I’m going to get to do a lot of that for the next few years. They can have their turns.”

“I bet we’re going to have a spoiled little princess on our hands.”

He snorted. “Please. She’s already the queen.”

- - - - - - - - -

Charlotte Rogers didn’t turn out to be spoiled.

At least not for her first few weeks of life. She slept and ate too much for any spoiling to occur. Her only activities were sleeping, eating, and messing her diaper. You’d been mentally prepared for war when you brought her home. Instead of a battle zone, you quickly discovered a full bottle could solve every issue. Rare exceptions were resolved with a swaddling blanket and a nap. Charlot only cared about where her next meal was coming from. If she wasn’t fed on schedule things could get spicy, but you picked up on that pattern within a couple days, and made sure to meet her demands.

Breastfeeding went okay, but you weren’t immune to the benefits of formula when she wanted more than you could offer. The girl ate like you’d starved her for nine months, even though she’d weighed in at a respectable six and a half pounds.

Steve was besotted. Andy adored the tiny new addition to the family. It was Ari, however, who blossomed. He’d struggled to find his place in the relationship at first. Now, you could see the growing pains had been pushing him towards becoming this version of himself. He picked up on the care tasks faster than anyone else. Charlotte went to sleep faster when he rocked her. His swaddling skills were next level, and he did more night feedings than anyone. Being a natural night owl, he was happy to take the first shift. You and Steve got up occasionally, but the sleep disturbances weren’t as frequent as you’d expected. Ari took to parenting like a duck to water. The wild playboy you’d met disappeared under layers of domesticity and it was a good look on him.

“I love this,” Andy murmured.

He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and settled in next to you on the sofa. The baby was playing on the rug, staring at Ari as he waved a toy in front of her face. She cooed at him, giggling and kicking.

“Mmmhhh… me too.”

You turned into his embrace and laid your cheek on his chest.

“I’m still hoping for one of my own,” Andy said, a trace of hesitation in his voice.

“How about we wait a year and start trying next March?”

Andy’s hands paused on your back mid-stroke. “Really? Is that too soon?”

“A year should be fine. It’s not likely to happen immediately, and pregnancy takes nine months. Two years isn’t a bad age gap.”

“I don’t want to push for too much, too soon. If you need more time, I’ll wait.”

You tilted your head back and smirked at him. “Cold feet?”

“No. Concerned, that’s all.”

“I want another one. She needs a playmate.”

Andy’s face split into a grin. “Okay. Next March it is.”

- - - - - - - - -

Routines sprang up quickly. Annabelle ran the museum during your absence and you found maternity leave enjoyable. It was fun to spend time with Ari. Watching this side of him develop was fascinating. Taking care of Charlotte was a joint endeavor, and since he was clearly the preferred one, you took on lighter duties.

Your sleep schedule stayed intact. It felt strange to admit that, particularly as a new mother. But with four adults around, Charlotte’s care turned into a team sport. Ari and Steve handled most of the night, feeding with stored breast milk and formula. You typically woke up once a night, just because you wanted to. The situation was unbelievable. You felt like pinching yourself, but never did, on the off chance you’d wake up to find out it was all a dream.

Ari was the first one to notice your strange mood.

You assured him you didn’t have ‘baby blues.’ This wasn’t depression. It was more like a sense of displacement. Reality was unbelievable. Even though you felt happy, there was a tinge of melancholy. Trying to contain the paradoxical emotions at the same time wore your nerves thin, until you dissolved into a state of constant anxiety. Maybe the division of labor was too much for the others and you weren’t doing enough. It was wrong to put everything on Ari’s shoulders. Shouldn’t you be more stressed out, given the tremendous life change you’d gone through? Wasn’t that the way early motherhood went? Where was the war zone you’d been promised?

You must be doing it wrong. Everything was under control, which wasn’t how this should feel. The housekeeper, the laundry services the brothers paid for, having Andy cook every night. It left nothing for you to do. Before Charlotte, you hadn’t noticed how many domestic tasks had been delegated. Now that you were home all the time, it bothered you. Within a few weeks, the baby’s needs were less demanding and you felt lazy and useless. Charlotte always wanted Ari. You were a food source and outside of that role, a third wheel.

When your three month check up came, the pediatrician asked how you were coping. Things were fine at home. Your support system was brilliant. Although you tried to come up with the words to explain how you felt, your tongue was like lead. How did you phrase the situation without sounding ungrateful? Just as you’d worked up your nerve, the pediatrician made a joke about new mothers and sleepless nights. Guilt struck you in the heart. When he finished, you shouldered Charlotte’s diaper bag and bolted for the door.

After the appointment, you strapped Charlotte into her car seat and climbed into the driver’s seat. Then you put your head down on the steering wheel and cried.

Why were you acting like this? Did you want to be miserable? Not being panicked by the stresses of parenthood was making you crazy. It was worse to recognize how crazy the feelings were, yet you couldn’t make them go away. No amount of logic cut through the fog. It had been a full year since you’d had to cook or do your own laundry. Simple chores, but so time consuming. An unrelenting stressor for everyone else in the world - except you. How had you not recognized the absence of those tasks until just two months ago? Were you actually that out of touch?

Cried out, you adjusted the rearview mirror to check on Charlotte. She was asleep. A hysterical laugh bubbled up at the sight of her in unconsciousness, looking so content. You tacked that onto the list of privileges you didn’t deserve. Your baby’s only quirk was having an appetite that could rival a bear preparing to hibernate. You sat in the half empty parking lot, staring off into space, wondering what to do next. Confiding in a friend wasn’t an option. They’d never understand your situation. Unsupportive boyfriends and husbands were a dime a dozen these days. If they even believed you, they’d call you out for being such a moron.

There was only one person left to call. Fishing your phone out of your purse, you dialed.

“Hi, Mom. Are you free?”

“Sort of. My Amazon package just arrived. Guess what? My new Crossfit shoes came a day early!”

“When’s your next class?”

“In an hour. Do you think I should wear my new shoes? I don’t want to get a blister, but I’m so excited.”

Your Mom launched into a gleeful monolog about the shoes. Listening to her prattle on about athletic gear eased your tension. A semi-retired personal trainer, she stayed active and had started taking CrossFit classes in her fifties. She loved working out and kept in better shape than you’d ever found the motivation to strive towards.

“Mom, when you’re done with your class, can you call me? I could use a chat.”

Your voice wavered at the end as an unexpected lump rose in your throat.

Silence fell on the other end of the line. You could sense your mother’s full attention focusing like a laser beam.

“What’s going on, pumpkin?”

“Nothing. Everything is fantastic. That’s the problem!”

You wiped at the tears and fought to breathe, battling back sobs.

“I’m not sure I understand.”

In halting sentences, you explained as much as you could.

This was too easy. You had so much help that your maternity leave had become a vacation. The housekeepers were too good at their jobs and you hadn’t done laundry in ages. Charlotte was such a happy baby. She was perfect. You’d nabbed not one, but three fabulous men. It was like being Jeff Bezos, but not with money - with luck. It was making you crazy to be so stressed out by all your good fortune. Plus, you were getting great sleep. That shouldn’t be possible. And you couldn’t complain because if you did, you’d be an ungrateful bitch.

“Okay. Wow, that’s a lot.”

You could hear movement on the other end of the line and knew she was pacing back and forth. In your head, you could see her path, from the kitchen to the sunroom and back again.

“I’m insane, aren’t I? This is unbelievable. I bet you wish you could reach through the phone and slap me.”

She barked out a laugh. “Listen, I’ll admit that I’m kind of jealous, but I can kind of relate. When you were born, it wasn’t as common for men to take time off from work and help. Your father took three weeks. Two right after you were born, then another when I went back to the gym full time.”

“Uh-uh.”

“Anyway, a couple of my employees were horrible about him taking paternity leave. They both had unpleasant home lives. One was a divorcee and the other had a deadbeat for a boyfriend. Your Dad’s behavior proved that not all men were crap, and it pissed them off.”

You sniffled and searched the console for a tissue. “What happened?”

“Nothing. They whispered about how easy I had it and spread a rumor that my husband was a serial cheater. At first it bothered me. But then it hit me how angry they were. Realizing why they felt that way made me feel sorry for them. Genuinely sorry. Then I let it go.”

“Seriously? You let it go, just like that?”

“They had sad things happen to them, and they were bitter. Did that mean I should feel the same way? I mean, they were right. Compared to most women, I had an easy life. Being able to leave you with your Dad for however long I needed to wasn’t typical. He’s why I could keep my training career, own the gym, and have a family.”

“Am I supposed to just accept how I feel and move on?”

“I don’t know. But for me, it was deciding to say, ‘screw it, I am lucky,’ that helped me get past the social guilt tripping. Your generation has it worse than mine. Everyone’s ready to hand out their opinions like they’re worth something. People occasionally win the husband lottery. I certainly did, and I had nothing to complain about. So why allow them to take that away?”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” you said. “You’re a better person than me.”

Your mother snorted. “No, I’m not. When you were about four months old, I found out they’d escalated the rumors. One of my clients pulled me aside and asked if I knew my husband had contracted AIDS.”

“What?!”

“Remember what era this was. That was making the headlines and they wanted a shock factor, since telling everyone my husband was a serial cheater wasn’t working as well anymore. It was vicious, but that’s how these women were. I announced at the next staff meeting that I needed a week off during the upcoming month for a trip to Hawaii. They both needed overtime, so they covered for me. Seeing how much they hated it gave me life.”

“Did you go? I don’t remember hearing about this.”

“Hell, no! We’d just had a baby, we couldn’t afford a trip! I started searching for new trainers and interviewed six people that week. I copied our neighbor’s photos from Maui and covered the staff bulletin board with ‘trip pictures’ so they’d have to look at them every day. Once I had my new hires trained, I let both of them go. That part wasn’t fun, but they’d crossed the line.”

“You’re the worst. But you’re also the best, you know that, right?”

“Celebrate what you have, pumpkin. You deserve support. If you feel displaced by everything that they’re doing for you, I’d try to carve out your own time with Charlotte. Why not take a mother and baby class?”

“A what?”

“You know, a mother and baby yoga class or something. My friend Louise started teaching some in Midtown last year. They’re really popular. There are art classes for moms and babies, too. I’ve got a pamphlet somewhere around here…”

Papers rustled, and then she swore.

“Damn it, I can’t find it. This drawer is a mess. Your father throws everything in here. I’ll google it and send you screenshots.”

“You know how to take a screenshot?”

“Give me some credit, I’m not that old. Hey, speaking of knowing things, you could teach a mother and baby art class. Your credentials are perfect. It would help you feel like you’re giving back to the community. Think how useful it would be for other moms who don’t have the support you do.”

“That’s actually… perfect.”

“Kiddo, can I put something in perspective for you?”

“Please do.”

“Your pregnancy was stressful. I remember how we’d talk, sometimes twice a day. It wasn’t very long ago.”

Her reminder made your stomach clench with echoes of past anxiety.

“Mmmhh.”

“Now all those worries have evaporated. The baby is fine. Steve and Andy are on better terms and you’re no longer exposed to the stress they used to radiate, constantly. What do you think happens when a weight that intense just goes away?”

Your eyes slid closed. She’d pointed straight at the heart of the problem.

“My rollercoaster ride is over.”

“Exactly. Steve is happy as a lark, Ari’s focused on the baby, and Andy’s gone back to his normal routine. Do you feel stressed because everything settled down? The mental load you were carrying is gone, but you don’t feel like it’s over.”

You’d absorbed anxiety and fears from Steve like a sponge. In the back of your mind, there’d been a constant fountain of worry about how the baby would turn out. Andy had stewed with bottled up anger for months. Those emotions no longer hung over the house because they were focused on the baby, while you were stuck in the past. Keeping the peace between Andy and Steve during your pregnancy had been a tremendous burden. To replace it, you’d looked to motherhood and found… nothing.

“You should have been a psychologist, Mom.”

“No, I just know my daughter. You’re doing fantastic, you know that? Adjusting to a new baby goes in stages. Some are more engaging than others. The newborn stage was mind numbingly boring for me.”

“Hey!”

“Shut up. I can admit these things now. Newborns are so inactive. Once you started to crawl, I enjoyed you more.”

“You’re a crazy woman.”

“And I passed all that on to you, pumpkin.”

“Should this be harder? Am I doing motherhood wrong?”

“No, society and the marketing agencies just want you to think that, so you’re as miserable as everyone else. Don’t make parenting any harder than it already is.”

“How?”

“If I knew that, I’d have a book deal.”

“Fair point.”

“I think you’re finally decompressing from a stressful pregnancy. You spent so much time trying to take care of other people’s emotions, now that you don’t have to, it's unnerving. Get out of the house, take Charlotte for a walk, look into art classes. You’ve got too much free time on your hands. It’s not good for you.”

“You’re right. Thanks, Mom.”

“I’ll chat with you tomorrow, okay? I have to get going. They make us do laps if we’re late.”

“Is that so? Wait, I’m having another crisis. It’s super urgent, life threatening, in fact.”

“Pip-squeak, stop pulling my chain. I’m hanging up now.”

“Bye, Mom!”

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Next - Chapter Twenty (final chapter)

- - - - - - - -

Masterlist

- - - - - - - -

Tag List: @ms-betsy-fangirl @albinotigerpython @mansaaay @mylifeasltd8 @i-have-a-wonky-eye-too @amelia-song-pond @another-tblr-fangirl @dontbescaredtosingalong @patzammit @nicolarobertson89 @rootcrop @empath-bunny @chrisevanisliterallysir @justjulie1105 @samanthaprada @chris-butt @kayrenae @poge-life @liecastillo @ysmmsy @notbrooklynsblog @pperrings @perfectlyfuckingsick @eralen @fckdeusername @sweetdreams25 @rosalynshields @elrw24 @severewobblerlightdragon @doozywoozy @badassbaker @meetmeatyourworst @whiskeytangofoxtrot555

[toru-oikawas-milkbread]

Ultrasound Room | Pt.1

Pairing: Hajime Iwaizumi x f!reader

Prompt/summary: Being stuck in the hospital was never a fun experience, but when you have an extremely attractive doctor who seems to be getting comfortable around you after seeing you so many times this year, maybe it could be a little bit more bearable. As bored as you were today, what you weren’t expecting was to see your doctor for a second time today in the ultrasound room so he could look at your kidneys, especially when you were told you would be seeing a woman, but who were you to complain about seeing the incredibly attractive Hajime Iwaizumi more than once a day?

Word count: 4.1K

Warnings/contents: Sort of a half-smut: Kissing, light nipple stimulation. A little fluffy, mild language, light flirting

Notes: This is loosely based off of my experience in the hospital because why not? Also, is this incredibly unrealistic? Yes, but when I was getting an ultrasound on my kidneys in that dark room, all I could think about was doctor Iwaizumi, so I decided to finally follow the idea and make this story. I hope that this lives up to your expectations @iwaizoomiess​! 

I’m going to try and make some more fluff for my exclusive fluff lovers, as well as hopefully finish Matsukawa’s sleepy cuddles (a fluffy fic) that I was working on before I got busy! Hopefully I can get something out soon! 

Part 1 (current chapter) | Part 2 (Coffee Date) | Part 3 (5 Minutes) 

<>~<>~<>

His name was Iwaizumi (though the last time you saw him he insisted that you called him Hajime) and you swore that you were in love with him. You’d been seeing a lot of him lately, though unfortunately it wasn’t a meet-cute or you go to the same gym sort of circumstance. Instead you had been in the hospital 5 times as of the last year, and he was always your doctor. It was sort of strange how it worked, though every time he saw you he had something new and cute to say with a little grin that made your heart race.

This time it was: “If you keep coming back like this, I’m gonna get an ego and think it’s all for me” followed by the cutest laugh that you had ever heard in your entire life.

Why were you in the hospital for the 5th time this year? You had a kidney infection. A UTI had surpassed you and gotten so bad that your side was killing you and you were aching to go to the hospital, so your friend had taken you. They gave you a CT scan and when the doctor (though this time an ER room doctor named Wes instead of the love of your life) had come in less than 40 minutes later and told you that your kidney was greatly infected and you would need to stay in the hospital.

This was day 4 and you were exhausted. Everyone was so sweet, but the constant drawing of blood after your potassium level went down was ridiculous. They were coming in every 4 hours on the dot, they put potassium in your IV, which was itching in your arm like a bitch not to mention, you had to take a big potassium pill because it was low even still, and the only time you saw Hajime was at 10 o’clock every morning when he came to check on you and give you a brief rundown of when you might be able to get out of the hospital.

He was hoping over the weekend. He’d said this morning if your fever cleared up, you could go home by Sunday evening or in the worst case, Monday morning. You were aching to get home, but you couldn’t lie, you were starting to like seeing Hajime every day. Though your hopes of going home on Monday weren’t too high because there was an Infection Doctor coming today and they were going to take you to get your kidney’s looked at through an ultrasound as you had understood it when Hajime was explaining it to you. He said they needed to make sure that there wasn’t any worse of an infection in or around your kidney than they already knew about, and more-so than that they needed to look at your bladder.

You didn’t know exactly when that was going to be, but you did know that it was going to be happening at some point today.

A soft sigh came from you as you turned your eyes away from the crime show that was on as you carefully scratched around your IV. Your arm was aching constantly because of the IV that was in your arm and staying straight like this for longer than normal, and it was bothering you to only be able to use one arm to do anything. It was damn near impossible to get comfortable in this hospital bed, yet every time that you did get comfortable, you found yourself having to pee and being forced to get up.

There was a knock on the door just as you shifted in the bed. You looked over, sending a little smile to your nurse but quickly noticing the lady coming in behind her with a wheelchair.

“(y/n), we’re gonna go ahead and bring you down to the nephrologist. She is gonna look at your kidneys and bladder and make sure everything is getting better instead of worse, okay?” You sent the woman a small smile and nodded as you rubbed your eye and sat up. She unplugged your IV cart from the wall and attached it to the wheelchair to make it easier for herself to bring you down while you got up and moved to sit in the wheelchair. She set a blanket on your lap as you got situated and went behind you. “Are you ready?” She asked, unlocking the brakes on the wheels and watching you nod.

“I’m ready.” Slowly, she started to turn the two of you and walk out of the room that you’d been staying in for 4 days now. You yawned while she was walking you down the cold hallway. Lacking a bra and only wearing underwear beneath the gown, you had noticed immediately when your nipples got hard. It was a painful sort of hard, making you uncomfortable as they tingled. Because you’d had the chills the whole time you were in the hospital, your nipples were damn near almost always hard, but you were usually beneath the blankets in your room to help out a little bit instead of in the cold hallway of the hospital.

It was nearly 2 PM now, though it felt a lot later if you were being honest. You were sleeping fairly well, though how often they were waking you up was taking a toll on your body no matter how quickly you fell asleep after they left the room. Things were silent between you and your nurse until you finally got off the elevator and down onto what felt like an even colder floor. You crossed your arm over yourself, looking around as she expertly pushed the wheelchair to a decently large, dimly lit room that had a blue sort of light over by the desk and was mainly dim in the corner by what you thought was the ultrasound and a bed.

“Okay, I’ll get the doctor and she will be right in.” She said, putting your IV closer to the bed so that you could get laid down. You sent her a little smile and nodded in confirmation before she turned and walked away. You pulled the blanket that was on the bed up to your hips, wondering exactly how this was going to work. You looked around the room until you heard the door click open and catch your attention.

When you looked over, you were surprised to see not a woman, but instead your doctor Hajime walking in with a little smile on his face.

“Hi there,” he said, walking over and sitting down in the small rolling chair beside you. “How are you doing?” He asked, almost eye-level with you for the first time since you had met him. You were thankful that it was so dimly lit in this room because of the way your face flushed so fast at how much closer he was than usual. “You feeling any better now? You get a nap in or get some lunch after I left?”

“I ate some food and got a little nap in, but not much.” You said, shifting on the bed while the man grabbed the transducer. You looked at the thing in his hand and then back to the man as he turned to face you again.

“A little rest and food is better than none,” he said, though your nurse had a very different opinion as she forced you to eat more food and watched you eat it to make sure you were getting enough nutrients. As much as you appreciated it, your appetite was completely dead. “Alright, now they were going to have Dr. Hibbins do this, but she got called away on an emergency at home and I so happened to be luckily passing by,” he said, though you didn’t miss the “Luckily” and wondered exactly what he meant. Maybe he was the only other doctor in the facility right now who knew how to do this. “So what I’m gonna do is put this gel on you and move this transducer around on your kidneys and stomach and make sure there’s no worsening infection around the kidneys especially.” You nodded along to his words as he opened the small gel tube and set it down. “I’m gonna help you out here, okay?” He said, hesitantly leaning forward and grabbing the blanket.

“Oh, yeah.” You flushed a bit as the man pulled the blanket down to your hips, though he moved to grab a towel and set it on your legs as he inched the hospital gown you wore up until it was to your ribs.

“I’m gonna let you push this towel up a little more to help keep this gel off your gown. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.” He said as he scooted back in the chair and typed something out onto the computer keyboard while you put the towel beneath the gown up by your breasts and flushed a bit at how exposed you felt. Not only were you embarrassed that you were so exposed in front of the hot doctor, but also because you were cold and it wasn’t helping your previous situation with your nipples. “Okay, are you ready?” He asked, grabbing the gel and looking at you.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

“Okay, when I say so, I’m gonna need you to take a deep breath for me.” He squeezed some of the gel onto you fast, and you closed your eyes, expecting it to be cold but instead it was strangely warm in a soothing way. Hajime pressed the transducer to your stomach and pressed down your lower stomach. You winced a bit as he pushed on your stomach. While it wasn’t too hard, it hadn’t felt all that good. “Okay, take a deep breath and hold it in.” He said. You took a breath, holding it in and feeling like you were going to die before he told you to exhale. “And… again.” He focused on the computer screen, paying you no mind aside from telling you when to breathe and when to exhale.

It was a quiet and relaxing moment until he suddenly pulled the transducer away from you and reached over to wipe your stomach off with the edge of the towel.

“Okay, now I need you to lay on your side a bit more for me so I can look at this kidney.” He said, pointing to the one that was inflamed. You moved a bit onto your side, trying not to think about the fact that the only thing you were wearing was underwear and he was right there by your ass. “This side seems pretty swollen,” he absentmindedly commented beneath his breath as he put some of the gel on your back and brought the transducer to your kidney and lightly rubbed it around. “Okay, another deep breath for me.” He said, and a few seconds later he gave a soft hum that worried you. “And… exhale.” As you did, you peeked back at the man.

“Was that a bad hum?”

“No, everything actually looks really good aside from the infection— which is going down greatly.” He said, continuing to look at the screen. “Okay, one more deep breath on this side in for me and hold it.” His voice was smooth as you took his direction and took a deep breath in, laying there almost awkwardly as he looked at the screen. “Okay, you can let it out.” He said, wiping your side off and getting the gel again. “Okay, now roll onto your other side.” He said, looking at you as you moved carefully. “Does it hurt?” He asked when you made a face.

“Uh, not hurt— but it’s a little bit sore on this side.” You said, talking about the infected side and he knew just what you meant it seemed as he nodded.

“Just uncomfortable, not bad pain?”

“Right— just uncomfortable.” He nodded again, lifting the blanket a little bit for you as you laid on your side and tried to be careful of your IV as the man put the gel on you and was forced to lean over you a little more this time to press the transducer to your side and lower back.

“Okay… take a nice deep breath in for me.” He said and you did it quickly, glancing at the man as he rested his forearm on your side as he moved the medical object around your lower back and stared at the screen. You wondered how hard it was to see things that looked like infection on the screen because as you looked over, it looked like a fuzzy mess. “And let it out,” he said after a few seconds longer this time, and you were trying to distract yourself with the screen rather than thinking about breathing. “One more deep breath in and and hold it.” He said, peeking over at you quickly and then back to the screen. For a split second you swore you saw his gaze flick to your breast and flushed, wondering if it were at all possible he had looked and had seen how hard your nipples were, or if you’d only imagined things. “Alright, and you can exhale.” He said, pulling the transducer away from you and wiping it and your side off with the towel before pulling it away.

“That side looks okay, too?” You asked, looking at the man who nodded as he carefully took the towel out from your gown and got up.

“Everything is looking great,” he said, tossing the towel into a hamper before coming back. “Aside from a little bit of inflammation from the original reason you came in, everything is good, I think you should be able to go home soon as long as you don’t spike a high fever. I wouldn’t feel comfortable dismissing you with a fever and then finding that you come back in a few days because you went downhill again.” You gave a soft laugh and his words and nodded.

“I would not want to come back here after getting sent home— no offense.”

“Well, with how often you’ve been here this year, I might have to doubt you on that note, if you don’t mind.” You snickered again and nodded a bit as you licked your dry lips.

“I just can’t stop getting hurt and sick, I guess.” He gave a soft hum, and this time you know you saw his eyes flick down to your breast before he looked away and carefully started to wrap the transducer cord up and hanging it on the desk hook by the computer.

“Well, you’re going to have to start drinking more water and stop getting sick, because if you wanted to see me so badly all you had to do was ask for my number.” You couldn’t tell if he was flirting with you or not, though as he peeked at you and sent you this little half-smile, you couldn’t help but want to flirt back regardless.

“So you’re saying that there’s a simpler way to talk to an attractive doctor aside from being admitted to the hospital that he works at?” You played along, making the man give a soft chuckle. “I never would have thought.”

“You know what, I’ll save you the trouble— and the bill,” he said, reaching for a small piece of paper he tore off a sticky note and a pen. “I’ll give you my number, and next time you want to see me, you can invite me out for coffee instead of falling down the stairs in a park.” You flushed as the man stated the time you first came to the hospital— it was a fractured ankle and yet they kept you for what felt like forever, but who were you to complain when Hajime kept coming around?

“You’re so adamant about water— I wouldn’t think you’d drink coffee.” You teased.

“I’ll drink coffee, you can drink water.” He said with a little smirk that only grew as you scoffed.

“Yeah right,” you said, making the man chuckle.

“As long as you promise to drink lot’s of water afterwards, I think a coffee would be fine.”

“Okay, dad,” you mumbled, though the man didn’t seem to mind your sarcastic response like you’d first thought— that maybe you’d crossed a line.

“Calling me that is a step further than a small coffee date,” he teased, making your cheeks flush bright red as you snapped your head in his direction. The man stifled a laugh, though not very well as he looked at you. “Maybe that was too much,” he said, trying to be serious though there was still a little smile on his face. “I’ve been told I don’t really know how hard I need to flirt with pretty girls and when I’m not flirting enough.”

“Uh, n-no worries.” You said, still flustered as you shifted beneath the man’s playful seeming gaze. You sat there for a moment in silence, wondering when he was going to stop looking at you and send you back to your room, but instead of getting up and getting the wheelchair, he pressed his hand onto the bed and leaned down a little bit, the smell of his minty breath leaving your cheeks flushed even still.

“Are you cold?” He asked softly, and you immediately got embarrassed, knowing that he’d been able to tell before this but thinking he wouldn’t say anything. You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded as the man only seemed to lean closer. “Do you need a blanket?” Softly, you shook your head. “Would you prefer other methods of warming you up?” Your cheeks were on fire as the man leaned close to you, unsure of what he meant but whatever it was, you didn’t really want to turn it down.

So you nodded.

“You’re saying it’s alright if I kiss these pretty lips of yours?” He asked so quietly that you almost didn’t hear it. You nodded again, unable to use your words. Thankfully the man didn’t tease you any further and closed his eyes, slowly leaning in as you closed your eyes and ignored the intruding thought about how long it had been since you’d had a proper shower as the man’s soft lips pressed to yours.

It was a gentle sort of kiss, one that nobody had ever given you before. A kiss that you didn’t want to end, and thankfully even as your lips separated with a soft ‘smooch’ sound, Hajime pushed his lips back to yours. You weren’t sure if you should touch him or if you should only kiss him back because he wasn’t touching you, though it threw your head even further into overdrive than it already was as his tongue licked your lips.

You gave a shaky sound against his mouth when you felt Hajime’s hand suddenly cup around your breast. His palm pressed to your hard nipple and made you all that much more embarrassed as he pulled away before even getting his tongue into your mouth.

“Seriously, do you want another blanket?”

“No, I’m fine— I’ve had the chills since I got here.” You said, nervously meeting the man’s eyes and wondering if it was over, though his hand was still around your breast.

“If you change your mind, let me know. I can get you another one.” He said, leaning back in and pressing his lips back to yours. You were quick to kiss the man back, leaning into his touch but trying to be careful with your IV arm as his free hand slid up around the back of your neck to cradle it in his hand and hold you close. He slightly laid you back on the bed, noticing the soft sound you made and feeling your hand brushing against his knee as you straightened your arm out.

His hand gently groped at your bare breast over the gown you wore and it made him wonder as your nipple pressed against his palm. He moved his hand, his fingers gently rolling your nipple between them and earning a soft sound from you in return. His mind wandered as he gently pinched your nipple and earned another soft sound from you against his lips. You seemed to shiver beneath the man as his fingers teased your nipple.

“I think I can warm you up a different way,” he whispered, pulling back and looking down at you with his pretty olive green eyes. You swallowed hard, wondering what the man could be talking about and being so absentminded as he leaned down and kissed your neck. You leaned your head back, not caring as the man lifted your gown up hesitantly. “Is it okay?” He asked, watching as you nodded when he peeked up at you. Iwaizumi cupped his hand around your bare breast, his warm hand groping at your chest and making you shiver. “Mmm, just look at these perky nipples.” He whispered as he groped at your breast and leaned down to press a kiss to your chest.

Even though the gown you wore was only pulled back on one breast, your other nipple was just as hard as the man leaned down and enclosed his warm mouth around it. For the first time since you’d come to the hospital, you felt slightly warm as his tongue swirled around your nipple. Your cheeks flushed as the man sucked gently on your nipple, peeking up at you as you looked down at him.

“Mmm… you sure this is okay?” He asked, barely peeking back as you nodded again. He didn’t think too much longer, enclosing his mouth back around your nipple and reaching his free hand up to your other breast and teasing your nipple between his fingers. A soft moan left you as you laid your head back, cheeks hot and leaving you embarrassed as this attractive doctor sucked on your nipple.

It felt like a fever dream that you were certain you were going to wake up from soon, though his hair felt too real as you absentmindedly reached your hand up and cradled the back of his head. Another soft hum came from the man as he let your nipple slide past his lips and pushed himself up a little bit to look at you.

“I should get you back.” He said quietly, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to your lips that you eagerly leaned into. “Mmm… don’t do that…” He mumbled against your lips. “If you kiss me back like that I won’t want to go.” You gave a soft laugh and pulled back, pulling the gown back down to your hips and looking at the man as he pulled back a bit and watched you slide the gown down. “Well… I would really like to get some coffee with you when you’re feeling better.” He said, taking the piece of paper he tore off and handing it to you. “Keep this close. I’ll be waiting for a call.”

“Every night will you sit by your phone while you watch a movie that you can’t pay attention to because you keep checking your phone?” He snickered at your sarcastic response and played along with your joke as he nodded his head.

“Every night. I will eagerly wait for your call.”

“I won’t keep you waiting for too long.”

“Well, nobody said you couldn’t text me before you left the hospital,” he said, getting out of the chair and pushing it gently beneath the desk. “You’re not really doing much, I have a lot of free time after hours unless I get urgently called back in— which is pretty rare for me. I think I can find some time to send you a text back.” You gave a light hum as you sat up and carefully leaned your arm over to give the man more of the IV cord as he moved the IV cart and offered you a hand to help you up that you happily took.

“I think I can send you a text in all of my boring free time when the nurses aren’t taking my blood and checking my blood pressure.” He sent you a little smile, carefully clicking the IV cart back onto the wheelchair as you sat down and resting your blanket back over your lap.

“Like I said, I’ll be eagerly waiting by my phone.” He said, slowly backing the wheelchair up and opening the door so he could bring you out into the hallway. “I’m gonna have to leave you right here, but someone is gonna come get you in just a minute.” He promised, locking the wheels on the chair and sending you a little smile. You nodded, sending the man a smile back and watching as he backed up a bit. “Remember: eagerly waiting.” He said, tapping the watch that was on his wrist. You gave a little chuckle and nodded.

“I won’t forget.”

[ghostonly]

FTM Top Surgery Q&A - Installment #2

1-Week Post-Op Recovery and Progress

Welcome to installment #2! If you're new here, I'm currently working on a Q&A / Series combo where I outline my experience with FTM top surgery as a large, disabled guy with ADHD and low income. I'll also answer any questions sent in to me. Currently, I haven't received any questions. If you have any now or when you're done reading this post, feel free to send them to me. I'll be taking questions all the way until May of 2023, when the series should be wrapping up.

If you want to know more about the series, check out the announcement here or visit the installment masterlist here.

For this second installment, I'll be covering the first week post-op, what it was like, what changed, and so on. There will be progress pictures included.

Content Warning: There are photos under the cut showing incision sites from as early as a couple of days after surgery. If you're squeamish or triggered by blood, scars, wounds, bruises, or just a generally beat-up looking part of the body, I recommend skipping to a later installment.

If anyone is interested in reading my notes without looking at pictures, please let me know and I'll copy the commentary to a new post with the images excluded.

This installment should be the longest of the bunch, since it introduces so much starter information. If the length is overwhelming, fear not; the others won't be as big.

So to start, here's me after I got home! Very tired and sore

Sore Throat

The worst part of the first few days home after surgery was the sore throat from the breathing tube. The best remedy for this was drinking tea constantly. I kept a bit of a side-bar on my bed with a folded up blanket where I had my med basket and set up a hard surface to keep drinks on and this spot was occupied by a glass of hot tea about 90% of each day and night.

I know a lot of people prefer cold on a sore throat over hot but, looking it up, I found a couple places saying warm fluids are more helpful in the long run. I found this to be true. Ice cream felt amazing in the moment because the cold numbed the area, but the hot tea relaxed my throat and made the soreness go away longer.

Pain Levels

I was on oxycodone-acetaminophine for the rest of the pain and it worked pretty well. Everyone I told about this (3 others who had had top) was like, "Oh, they gave you the good stuff," and then went on to say that they hadn't used the pain meds as long as they were allowed to, which I did not understand.

My pain levels after surgery seemed to be a lot higher than those of my friends who had had top done. The original prescription of pain meds was enough to last about 3-4 days and they gave me a second prescription as well. All in all, I was on those meds for about a week and I was in misery when I had to go off of them the following Wednesday. If this ends up being your experience, ask your doctor if there's a pain medication halfway between opioid and over-the-counter that they can prescribe. Mine prescribed me a synthetic opioid called tramadol. I was too late to pick it up for it to be there when I needed it, which is why I wish I'd known to ask for this ahead of time.

My pain levels were manageable, but not pleasant, even on the pain meds. Aside from my throat, the worst pain was actually the drain exits, followed by the nipple bolsters, then the incisions. I'll get to these in more detail in a moment.

The Compression Binder

After surgery, you get wrapped up in a compression binder. I think there are other types of post-op binders, but mine is plain white with one vertical end lined in about 2 inches of velcro (so it's strong and won't come undone)

Most doctors insist you wear this for a month post-op, ~24-hours a day, but some say 2 weeks or 6 weeks. It depends on what doctor you go to. Mine wants me to wear mine 6 weeks. By the end of week 2, I was about 90% sure I was not going to do this, but now that my drains are out, I think I probably will. More on that in the 3-4 week installment.

The Drains

While there are some cutting edge top surgeons who will operate without using drains, they're still the default.

Post-op drains are basically rubber bulbs with a thin, squishy, rubber tub that runs in through the skin and into the surgery site to collect fluids. This is because your body is pissed that it's been fucked with in this particular manner and sends all kinds of water and shit to collect there, presumably in an effort to heal it faster (which it doesn't).

The content of the drains has to be measured daily, which is a pain in the ass but, ultimately, not a big deal. They give you a little sample cup with measuring marks on the sides.

To measure the fluid output, you just pop the top off the bulb (the container at the end of the drains) and pour it into the sample cup. After checking the amount on the side, you dump it into the toilet. Then you repeat with the other bulb and write down the output on a piece of paper.

My doctor said that when I got to less than 10cc of output from each in a 24 hour period, I could get the drains out.

First Follow-Up - 24 Hours

Brutal as it is to make someone leave the house just under 24 hours after surgery, the first follow-up was the next day.

This follow-up, as annoying as it was to leave for, was exciting because it meant getting to take the binder off for the first time. They had me come in and lie down on a long exam chair (think something like a dentist's chair) and undid the binder.

There was a bunch of gauze packed in it from right after surgery, which I was told I could remove. They also told me that, if I wanted to, I could put on a shirt under the binder to help pad things and create a barrier between my skin and the binder (which is kind of rough and unpleasant).

With the gauze removed, here's what it looked like (taken the next day)

About the Pain Sites

I'll call each area affected by the surgery a pain site and cover what each is and what sucks about it in order of most to least suckiness.

Drains

So, the first pain site is caused by the drains. Generally, the only painful part of them is the exit hole. The drain tube is really soft and flexible, so it's not much of a bother where it's sitting inside. In fact, you generally won't feel it at all unless you squeeze out the drain tubes and create a suction, which can kind of sting. The drains run along the bottom of each pec, near where the stitches/scar are. They run all the way back, under the arm, and exit through a separate hole there. You can see in the image above where it's hanging from the exit hole.

The drain exit gave me a bitch of a time. First off, try your best not to accidentally pull on it like I did. I was conscious of this the whole time I had them in but, a few days after surgery, I lifted my arm, not realizing it was under the tube, and pulled on it a bit. The reason this sucked is because, at the exit hole, there is a stitch tightly looped through the skin and around the drain tube to keep it from coming out. You can imagine how good that felt :)

For the first week, the drains got progressively more and more irritated because your body isn't really a fan of having a hole in it that's not allowed to heal.

The most important part of keeping the drains from being a (pretty literal) thorn in your side is to ensure they're kept pointed back so that they're not pulling on the exit in a different direction than they're running. I used bandaids and then medical tape to tape them down. That way, if the tube tried moving downward, it would pull on the tape and not the exit hole.

Nipple Bolsters

The next pain site is the nipple bolters. These are the thick bits of padding that are stitched onto the nipples to protect them. They're both kind of hard and have stitches running through them to the perimeter of the nipples.

These aren't too bad. The really irritating part of them was that, because they stick out further than everything else, they're the first thing to pull when the binder moves. So, if you twist your core, the binder will want to stay in place and your nipples want to move with the body, creating some drag. This will tug at the stitches and hurt, limiting your core movement.

The other annoying thing is that, again, because they stick out further than everything else, the pressure from the binder pushes them in pretty hard. I was worried this would leave my nipples indented or something but it doesn't.

Incisions

Finally, there are the incisions. These are actually the least troublesome part of healing for the first week. They're pretty numb.

These are stitched with dissolving stitches on the inside and taped shut on the outside. In the picture above, it's hard to see, but there's a clear tape about 2 inches wide going from one end of each incision to the other. This tape is very very strong. It's like a solid piece of adhesive with mesh running through it. There's no apparent backing to it so it's sticky and obnoxious and stays there for a couple weeks.

Near the end of the first week, I started to regain some feeling in the scar area, mostly in twinges. If I moved too far or used my chest muscles too much, I'd get these tight pains. Otherwise, they weren't really notable. I was much more focused on the drain exit pains, since the exits really ached.

Range of Motion

So I was told by most people that you can't lift your arms past your chest for like a month after surgery, and this wasn't the case for me.

I'm not sure if this is because my skin functions and stretches differently because of the probable EDS, or if it's something else. I was able to lift my right, upper arm to about 120 degrees. Adding in the fact that I've got a whole forearm attached to that, I had a lot more reach than I thought I would. The key is just stretching very slowly so that if you hit a limit you notice right away. My left arm was slightly more limited for some reason - possibly because the incision seems to go back farther on that side.

Within a couple days of surgery, I was even able to put regular shirts on and off. The key to this was that the shirts I was putting on were either stretchy or a bit oversized, so they made up for what my range of motion lacked.

Movement

Another thing I wasn't sure what to expect on was how much I'd be able to move. It turned out, I could move quite a bit. It was the little movements that you can't really avoid that caused discomfort or twinges of pain. Getting out of bed and going to the bathroom and whatnot was no big deal as long as I didn't like, yeet myself out of bed.

Keeping a hand pressed to my chest for stability was helpful as well. The biggest thing is just making slow motions. Large motions that jostle things around is what leads to pain.

Binder Management

I had a bit of a hard time with the binder as someone with a belly and with asthma, so here's what I took from that.

Tightness and Position

For the first week, I don't think I had the binder tight enough. This was fine, generally, because the nipple bolsters prevented the chafing from causing any actual damage (even if it was uncomfortable).

I thought I had it tight enough because it felt snug, but I later realized that making it even tighter prevented some of the binder movement and chafing that was causing me trouble with my drain exits and bolsters. Part of the reason I didn't put it tighter was because of the size and position of it. I experimented with this a lot and have got some great advice for you.

The experimenting I did with the binder mostly had to do with folding it in different ways. The trouble with wearing something that goes down your torso when you have a belly is that your belly is pushing upwards on it. So, any time I sat up, it was pushing upwards on my chest and trying to move things that I didn't want moved.

The kind of binder I was given is made up of 4 panels that are sewn together. You can see what I mean in the first picture. These panels are sewn together with a lot of thread, but the thread is kind of weak, so it can easily be bent at those areas.

Folding one of the panels up made my shape less of an issue. However, there was still enough of the binder overlapping my stomach to cause discomfort when sitting. So, next I folded it in half. Trying to fold it in half upward was kind of difficult and would have ended up with the open side of the fold toward my face, which seemed irritating. Instead, I figured out how to fold it in half downward, before putting it on, overlapping the sides to secure it, then pulling up the top layer of the non-velcro side before securing the velcro.

I'm not going to try explaining that better because, in the end, it doesn't matter. The better method was, after okaying it with my doctor, cutting the entire thing in half the long way. Now I have, basically, two binders that are both only wide enough to cover my chest instead of chest and stomach. I also cut about 6 inches off the non-velcro end because it was a bit too long to secure tight enough with ease.

With a more narrow binder that covers just my chest, and a bit shorter so that I can easily secure it much tighter, I now have less chafing and less interference from other body parts.

The important thing when gauging tightness is to make sure you can easily fit a hand under it. If you can pull it out a bit, that's also good, as it means more expansion for your lungs and also the ability to adjust it while you're wearing it.

Asthma

So, my asthma is triggered by all kinds of stuff, including pressure on my chest and lying on my back. So, wearing a binder and lying on my back 24/7 after surgery was really great! :)

I was coughing almost nonstop for the first few days, both from asthma and from the sore throat. If you have asthma or have had asthma in the past, and don't have an inhaler, get one before you have surgery. If anything is going to bring it back up again, this is probably it.

If you don't think you have asthma, I would like to inform you that asthma is not the way it's portrayed dramatically in TV. Your throat doesn't just close off like you're going into anaphylaxis.

These are symptoms of regular asthma:

Wheezing or crackling sounds when breathing (most common after physical exertion or breathing outside in the cold) These will not be noticeable if you're breathing more shallowly, which you will naturally do if you start to have asthma. To check for wheezing, take a deep breath and exhale forcefully.

Difficulty taking a deep breath without coughing

Pain in your chest when you try taking a deep breath

Difficulty breathing in cold air

Continued cough that you can't think of another cause for

Phlegm (this is made by your lungs to try and catch whatever triggered the asthma)

Stuffed up nose in combination with cough (I don't know if this is for everyone, but when I have asthma, one of the first signs to me is that my nose is hard to breathe through. I'll exhale hard to see if I'm wheezy and find I've been having asthma without realizing it.)

If you experience these things, talk to your PCP before surgery. Getting an inhaler is usually covered by insurance, including medicaid, and will be your best friend if you start having asthma attacks after surgery.

Specifically because of the amount of asthma I had the first few days after surgery, I think it might have been better that I didn't have the binder on tighter than I did. As time passed, the pressure from the binder and the lying on my back caused less asthma. I think part of the reason it was triggering it before was some kind of subconscious panic response from my lungs because the position and sensation were unfamiliar and my lungs thought something was terribly wrong. After the asthma stopped being so persistent from the pressure and position, tightening the binder a bit didn't pose a problem.

My biggest advice is this: make sure you breathe deliberately every once in a while. Every ten minutes or so, take a nice slow, deep breath. If the pressure from the binder is inhibiting your breathing, this will help keep your oxygen levels up. After the first couple days of trying to remind yourself to do this, you'll just start to remember naturally to pay some amount of attention to whether you're breathing enough.

Shirt Under Binder

After the first follow-up, I was told I'm allowed to take my binder off for repositioning or cloth-baths. The first thing I did when I got home was take it off, use alcohol prep pads to try getting rid of some of the sticky shit surrounding the incision tape (not the tape itself), and put on a tank top under the binder.

Putting on a shirt under the binder is like, so necessary imo. The binder I got is kind of a scratchy material, so having it directly on my skin was crap. Plus, I wanted another layer between the binder and my chest and nipple bolsters after the gauze bandaging was no longer there so that there was something for the binder to slide against without directly rubbing against the surgical site.

I chose to use some shirts that weren't my most favorite, in case they got blood or adhesive on them that wouldn't come out. I don't think there was any blood on them, but they did get sticky with adhesive. I don't think any of that stayed on after going through the wash though.

When the fabric gets sticky after a day or so of being shoved up against the sticky incision tape, it loses that additional movement it was adding. So instead of moving slightly when the binder rubs against it, the friction would cause the fabric to pull at the skin where it was stuck. That was my signal for changing my shirt.

Food and Drink

If you don't have a personal assistant who's going to cook for you and bring you things, you need to prep for what you'll eat ahead of time.

Accessible Foods

The biggest piece of advice I can give is to plan ahead with accessible foods. Have a variety of snacks, both sweet and salty, wet and dry, so that when you need something to eat and don't have the energy to put different things together, you have something appealing on hand. Keep them within reach of your bed.

If you have a shelf or table, put it beside your bed where it won't make getting up difficult. If you've got a large bed you're not sharing, consider making some kind of spot on a wall-adjacent side to set things. I did this by folding up a big blanket so it's about 1x4 feet and a few inches thick and laid it against the wall next to me. This gave me somewhere to set my meds basket, a couple snack containers, and a hard surface for setting drinks. (Just be careful if you intend to set open drinks here. Spilling something in bed after surgery is like, one of those things that would straight up give me a breakdown lmao)

Prepare foods ahead of time. I picked all the meat off of some rotisserie chickens as well as cleaned and sliced a ton of strawberries. The chicken I ate in tortillas with some shredded cheese and tomatoes. That was one of my favorite meals in the first week because it could be prepped in about ten minutes, sitting at the desk, and it didn't make any mess to eat in bed.

Other considerations are frozen meals, ice cream, fruit drinks with some amount of natural sugar to keep your blood sugar up when you don't feel like eating, and things you can eat on crackers, like tuna. Tuna Creations pouches are great for this.

Fluids

As far as fluids go, I recommend keeping a water bottle with you and just chugging that shit as often as you can. If you don't have a personal servant fetching you things, 100% keep some kind of big water vessels with you for refilling.

I like tropicana bottles because they have a wide opening so don't Glug when you pour from them. They're almost 2 liters. If you're going to get some juice to drink beforehand and harvest the bottles from as makeshift pitchers, I recommend going with orange juice. For some reason the taste doesn't get into the plastic as much as something like the strawberry peach juice. Just wash it with hot water after you're done and keep the bottle aside for later. Remember to keep the lid off if you plan to have it sitting in wait so it can dry and doesn't grow bacteria.

Keeping some large bottles of water nearby means not having to get up as much and, if you live with stairs, not having to go downstairs as much. Frankly, if you're disabled, highly recommend just keeping these around regardless of if you're recovering from surgery or not. I have a mini fridge, so I also have the added perk of keeping them cold.

Next up, hot tea. 100% if you enjoy any kind of tea at all, keep it around. I had a box of sleepytime tea (which I just drink because it's a good blend) and I used the entire thing in like 5 days. Tea for the first few days is a life saver because of the sore throat. Personally, I have an electric kettle that I keep in my room, so making tea is really easy. If you've got an electric kettle in your kitchen, move it to your nesting area and bring a bunch of hotcups or mugs with you.

If you don't have a microwave or kettle near where you'll be nesting after surgery, I recommend changing that, but I know not everyone has the money to throw down on new appliances.

If you live alone and have a free-standing microwave in your kitchen, it might be worth moving closer temporarily if you have things near your nest to heat up, like canned soup. This is especially true if you have a mini fridge near your nest. This is more likely to be helpful if you live on a different floor from the kitchen and have a mini fridge. If you're on the same floor and don't have a mini fridge (thus, keeping all of your cold food in the kitchen anyway), it's more likely to just make more work.

Fighting Constipation

Anesthesia causes constipation. Pretty sure opioid pain meds also cause constipation, but could be wrong. Either way, after surgery, your body will not want to shit.

If you don't enjoy putting chalk stool softener in your drinks, I highly recommend having some fruit prepared and some coffee on hand.

I know it's not a universal thing, but I'm one of those people who coffee makes shit. If you are too, keep some on hand and start drinking it in the days following surgery. Be sure to drink lots of other water to offset the diuretic effect of coffee.

As far as fruit, everyone works differently but, for me, a bunch of apples worked pretty well. I know it's probably not like, the most healthy choice, but I found out a week or two before surgery that eating a bunch of apples in one sitting would definitely get the desired outcome, somehow with no stomachache, which is a rarity for someone with my digestive issues. I thought they would give me a stomachache because apple juice does, but empire apples and caramel dip did nothing but move everything along. I'm talkin' 4 apples in one sitting.

It sounds like a lot but if you slice them all up and eat them as a meal, it's not as much as it sounds. For anyone smaller than me, I'd recommend more like 3, since 4 was pretty filling for me. Stool softening powder can kiss my ass, basically.

Healing Progress

Finally, now that I've gone through all of the details, here are a couple photos of the healing progress about 6 days after surgery, one from each side:

The tape is more visible in these two because it's got some remnants of kleenex stuck to it that I used to try preventing my shirt from sticking to it (yum, I know).

And a selfie of me where I am very happy to be flat (but still tired asf)

Conclusion

I think that's about all I can think of for week 1. Let me know if you have any questions!

Here's another link to the installment list if you want to see what else there is but don't want to scroll back up. Follow me or the #ghostsurgeryseries tag to keep up-to-date on the next installments! the 2-week progress installment should be done soonish~

[teenwolffan-with-nolife]

Mistakes

Word Count: 1,713

Characters: Derek Hale, Scott McCall, Stiles Stilinski, Reader, OC Characters

Pairings: Eventual Derek Hale x Reader

Warnings: ANGST, Derek being an asshole, TW: drugs, overdose, death

A/N: this will have mulitple parts, either 2 or 3, so nothing too long lol

Masterlist

“I don’t care! Keep looking!” Derek paced around the loft, while Stiles and Scott sat on the couch, bounding their legs nervously. Allison, Lydia, and Isaac were out with Argent, all looking for you. 

“People don’t just disappear,” Stiles shook his head.

“Yeah, no shit,” Derek replied.

“Okay, just think. What did she do all day? Did she go anywhere o-or something? Has anyone seen her all day?” Scott asked.

“She was with you guys last. Her phone’s right here,” Derek held up your phone, before exhaling harshly.

“Maybe it’s time to tell your dad, Stiles. He can help us,” Scott suggested.

“Maybe I should, yeah,” Stiles got out his phone, before hearing the loft doors open. 

The three of them froze, looking at the door cautiously as you stood in front of them. 

“What’s going on?” you frowned slightly.

“What’s going… What’s going on!?! Everyone has been looking for you for the whole day! Where the hell were you?” Derek yelled at you.

“I was on a hunt, I-I forgot my phone, I meant to text you-” you started.

“Stiles, Scott, get out. Now,” Derek clenched his jaw as he kept his glare on you.

The two boys nervously stumbled out of the loft, not wanting to leave you alone with Derek.

“Did you not think it was important to let someone know where you were?’ his voice was calm, but the anger was still evident in his face.

You hated when he would act like this. Ignore you for 40 percent of the time, yell at you for 60. You had grown tired of it.

“I forgot,” your voice was low.

“We wasted the entire day looking for you,” he crossed his arms.

“And I never told you to look for me. If you’re just gonna get mad at me, then I’d like to go now,” you replied.

“You’re unbelievable, you know that? If I had it my way, you wouldn’t be in the pack. You’re less important than Stiles,” you always felt hurt by his words, yet never showed any emotions.

“Yeah, I’m unbelievably useless, as you keep reminding me,” you sighed.

“I don’t understand why you can’t just…” you cut him off, before running your fingers through your hair.

“Why I can’t just listen? Why I can’t just stop being useless? I’m a fucking mistake and you keep reminding me every single second you get. Don’t you think I know by now? If I could change, I would. You refuse to give me the bite and so does Scott. I’d leave Beacon Hills if I could, leave instead of forcing you all to live with the burden of knowing me,” you were already exhausted from your day, and Derek pushing your buttons didn’t help one bit.

“I never said that,” he started.

“You don’t have to. I see the way you look at me, I see the way you all look at me. I have nothing more to say to you, Derek, so if you don’t mind, I’m going home,” he stayed silent while you walked out of the loft. You felt a tear fall down your face before wiping it away, heading back home.

---

“Mom, I’m home,” you placed your bags aside as you pulled off your jacket.

You walked up the stairs, kissing your younger brother’s forehead.

“How’s Mom?” you asked him.

“She said she was feeling better but I don’t believe her,” he replied.

“Thanks for being a strong kid and looking after her while I was gone,” you gave him a small smile before patting his back.

“Go eat your dinner, I’m gonna go check up on Mom,” you said, before making your way up to her room.

“Mom?” she was sitting up in her bed, holding a cigarette in her hand.

“Mom! You can’t have those!” you yanked it out of her hand, throwing it aside. 

“Why not? I feel fine,” you could see dark bags under her eyes, while her skin was visibly paler than earlier that day.

“Did you take something?” you asked.

“What do you mean?” she shook her head.

“I’m talking about drugs, Mom! Did you take any drugs?!” you yelled.

“That’s none of your business,” she crossed her arms.

“Except it is. Do you not remember what happened last week?” you scoffed.

“Last week was a mistake, it’s different now,” you shook your head, remembering her near overdose.

“No, it’s not. You need to get clean, Mom. For yourself, for Sam. Are you forgetting who found your body in the bathroom?” you ran your fingers through your hair as you sighed, thinking of your brother

“Sam should have left with his father,” your mom scoffed.

You felt chills go down your spine, at the mention of your dad.

“Well, Dad’s gone, and he’s an asshole. Mom, please. I need you to start taking care of yourself. I already dropped out of college and I can barely keep us afloat,” you begged her.

“You only started college a month ago,” your mom frowned.

“Yeah, I know. But our family is more important. When we’re stable, I’ll start college again. But in order to do that, you need to promise me, no more drugs,” you said.

Your mom nodded her head before you wrapped your arms around her. You could hear her snoring within a few minutes while you chuckled softly, slowly putting her back in bed before flipping off her lights.

You frowned, feeling your neck and arm bugging you from the hunt, before you rubbed your eyes, yawning.

“(Y/N/N)... I need some help with my homework,” you heard your brother’s voice as you held in a groan.

“Sure, kiddo, Come on,” you led him to your room, before closing the door, making sure not to awake your mother.

---

“Scott, you’re joking,” you exclaimed.

“We called partners like 20 minutes ago! You weren’t here and no one picked Derek,” Scott groaned.

“Yeah, and for good reason. I don’t understand why I can’t be by myself,” you shook your head.

“Because it’s dangerous,” Scott said.

“It’s a vampire!” you exclaimed.

“Exactly!” Scott replied.

You squeezed your fists before exhaling sharply. 

“Fine, where’s the douche-bag?” you sighed before Derek walked to you, rolling his eyes.

“Well, let’s go then.”

---

You rolled your eyes, visibly bored as you and Derek sat in silence. The two of you sat in the car, waiting for any suspicious activity while you watched people walk in and out of the restaurant.

You turned on the radio, before Derek pushed your hand away, turning it off. You glared at him, before taking out your phone.

“Get off your phone,” he said.

“I’m bored,” you replied.

“And we’re on a stakeout mission. Get off your phone,” he said.

You turned it off, before hearing it ring. He glared at you, while you gave him a look, checking your texts.

You felt your chest aching as unbuckled your seatbelt.

“I have to go,” you said quickly.

“What? Why? (Y/N), you can’t leave me-” he started.

“I’m sorry, I really have to go,” you could feel tears rushing from your eyes as you pushed out of the car before he grabbed your wrist.

You pulled away from him, running off into the night.

---

Your brother sat in a chair at the hospital, bouncing his leg nervously.

“Sam,” his head shot up as you called his name.

He ran to your arms, burying his head into your chest.

“I-It wasn’t… It wasn’t an accident this time,” he cried out.

“What happened?” you bent down to his level, putting your hands on his shoulder.

“W-We were watching… We were watching a movie, a-and then she got up, a-and… she didn't come back,” your brother stumbled with his words, holding in his cries.

“Shh, it’s okay. It's okay,” you wrapped your arms around him tightly, before shutting your eyes tightly.

She was getting better, it has been a week since your conversation with her, and she was trying so hard.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N),” you heard the doctor as he walked towards you.

“I’m so sorry…” their words drifted off as you bit your lip, tears rushing down your face as you held onto your brother tightly, holding in your cries as you shut your eyes tightly.

She was gone. She died.

---

You held onto your brother as the two of you made your way back to your house, biting back a sob.

“H-Here… I need you to… How about you go to y-your room?” you said.

He nodded before walking upstairs. Your body began to visibly shake, while you cried, holding in your sobs so he wouldn't hear you.

You leaned against the table, breathing shakily as more and more tears escaped from your eyes.

You heard loud knocking, banging at the front door as you wiped your face, before opening it.

You were met with Derek’s angered face as he gripped your arms tightly.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” he yelled.

“I-I,” you stuttered.

“No! Shut up! The vamp killed three people before I could do anything! Do you have any idea how big of a mistake you made?! Why did you leave?! What was so important that it couldn't wait till later?!” he yelled.

“I’m sorry,” you started.

“You little…What is wrong with you?!” he yelled.

You pushed him away from you, as you clenched your jaw. He only walked closer to you, before you swing your fist, punching him in the jaw, only angering him more.

His eyes glew red as he pushed you against the wall. You could see his claws coming out of his hand, digging into your arm.

“Derek…” your voice broke.

“(Y/N)?!” you heard Sam crying loudly, standing by the stairs.

Derek’s class retracted, his face softening.

“Who the hell is that?” Derek asked.

“Get the hell away from me! You want me out so bad?! You got your fucking wish! Leave!” you screamed at him.

You punched him back, kicking him out of your house before locking the door behind you.

You fell to the ground, sobs erupting from you while Sam ran to you, burying his head in your lap.

“I-It’s gonna be okay,” you cried softly, running your fingers through his hair.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

[cowboy-canoodler]

Can’t Teach The Mad Dog New Tricks, Chapter 1 (Majima Goro x GN! Reader) SMUT

This work is for 18+ readers only, minors DNI ! ! !

You’re the captain to The Majima Family of The Tojo Clan of Kamurocho, a diligent worker who balances out Majima’s own brand of crazy.

You trust him and he trusts you, but does that trust go deeper?

Are there feelings you previously hadn’t thought about?

And just how far are both of you willing to go so the other may survive?

Tags: TW: Blood, knives, stab wounds, bullet wounds, doctors, fighting, smoking, “c-word use” Slow Burn, Angst, Fluff, Smut, blowjob (giving), dry humping, whining, bottom Majima, praise kink, edging, throat fucking, almoat public fingering/handjob, possessive sex, dirty talking, private fingering/anal fingering

Notes:

“Seiko” is a nickname for the reader, not an OC or a specific gender, it’s a moniker like Hawke or Shepherd in their respective games.

Set during the year off in Yakuza 3-4

Also:

When the reader is having sexual things done to them I have included separate vagina and penis versions just read the one that accommodates you. Chest and body descriptions are left gender neutral; it's only genitalia that’s different. If you’re unfamiliar with the way I write I try my best to be as inclusive as I can for the reader. This includes writing separate paragraphs for each genitalia (penis and vagina) while also including non-descript hair, skin, chest, and body sizes. If you feel that I haven’t done a very good job at that in particular parts of this fic please let me know and I will alter it to the best of my ability.Slowly working on this while balancing life.

Also this chapter has no smut but the rest of the work does

“We all know what you and Majima-san get up to you behind the closed doors” the lieutenant of a small family said out loud as you collectively waited patiently for the officers meeting to be finished.

You were there with a calm, level headed, expression. Your eyes fixed on the painting on the other side of the hallway as you stood by for Majima to either be told to leave or for him to walk out on his own terms when it got too boring.

“It’s no wonder a newbie was able to be promoted so quickly in their family,” another snide comment from a different lieutenant, once again from a smaller family but a family that was getting too big for its britches, “sleep with the patriarch and you’re sure to move up in the world.” A couple of them laughed as you took a deep breath in, your calm composure falling ever so slightly as a sensitive topic was touched upon.

It was true that you had moved up quickly within the ranks of The Majima family but you hadn’t gotten to where you are now by sleeping with Majima himself. He had always seen how diligently you had worked, sticking to The Yakuza ideals and always keeping a level head when doing your work. Right now, however, you did not have to work, there was no reason to keep these low-level lieutenants happy with you, or the family you belonged to, as you thought of that your hand slowly slipped into the back of your suit and grasped the dagger that was tucked away, ‘always for safe keeping’ Majima would say to you. This, however, did not mean to keep it safe, but to keep you safe, always.

“Gotta admit” the one who had spoken up first walked towards you, a cocky smirk on his face as he strode towards where you were patiently stood, hidden dagger in hand. “Someone who’s so good at keeping level headed does suit Majima-san the most, like that Nishida guy, gotta keep someone calm to balance out the craaaazyyy” his last few words had been drawn out in a mocking manner, a hand raised to his right temple and jokingly twirling in the air to represent his words.

As the other men laughed you pulled out your dagger, grabbed his hand, and turned the tides, pinning his face down against the wall where you had previously stood while twisting his arm and pressing the dagger against his neck. “Mock me all you like,” you whispered into his ear as the other men gasped, “but mock Majima-sama and we have serious problems,” you pushed the dagger further into his skin, a slither of blood dripping down the blade as he swallowed his pride, along with his saliva, “I don’t think your family would survive against ours, would they?” Your tone was one of feigned ignorance, calm and inquisitive as you asked the quivering coward simple questions. “Perhaps you should think before picking a fight with someone you can’t handle, particularly me and Majima-sama, hm?”

Before your victim could reply the door swung open and Majima came into view, his brow furrowed and an angry glare emanating from his good eye. Immediately you stood back, placed your hands firmly at your sides and bowed to greet him.

“Sir! I wasn’t-“

“It’s nothing Seiko-kun, musta deserved it. What’d he do?” A small grin made its way to Majima’s lips as he admired your devotion, he knew you only got that way when someone had insulted him, or the family, personally.

“Nothing that concerns you, Majima-sama , believe me-“ you glared over at the guy and held up your dagger to him once more, “it’s not worth your precious time” you placed the dagger back into its sheath and hid it behind your back once more

“No sir!” The lieutenants bowed as an apology before Majima shrugged and began walking down the hall.

“If ya say so, let’s go Seiko-kun” Majima began walking away and you followed closely behind, your eyes upfront and calm as you made your way out of Tojo HQ and into the car, you in the driver's seat and Majima behind.

A couple of minutes had passed in silence, both of you enjoying the calm of each other's company as you focused on the road and Majima focused on you. His eye bore a hole into the back of your head and you saw it every time you checked behind the car in the mirror, but you chose to say nothing. He was obviously in a bad mood from the meeting, him escaping partway through with a scowl was enough to tell you that, but usually there was chatter in the car as you rode back to the office.

“So what happened?” Majima broke the silence after a couple minutes of staring out of the window, he must have grown bored with the passing cars.

“They said things I didn’t agree with”

“Like?"

“Do you really need to know?”

“Now,” Majima tutted as a smile made its way back to his face, a finger pointed up and waving side to side, “is that any way to treat your boss?”

“Tch-“ you looked back in the mirror and saw his smirk before moving your eyes back to the road, you hated how he knew your weaknesses, “they said we were sleeping together, and that was the only reason I had been so successful, and so quick, with my promotions in the family”

“Ohh, no wonder you were so harsh on ‘em, I woulda been, too” Majima leaned back and looked out of the window as he crossed his leg, his right ankle on his left knee and his lightly hands resting on the inner of his thighs. “Having your achievements pinned on something you didn’t do that woulda been a lot easier, sure as shit ain’t nice to hear- ah- I didn’t mean it like that-“

Knowing Majima had your back always brought a smile to your, usually calm, face. A small display of emotion that was usually kept hidden, on show just for him. “I know what you mean, don’t worry about it, to be honest, I would have slept with you if I could but you were always so damn busy”

“Oh? You woulda?” Majima’s gaunt cheeks reddened a little as he looked over at you, smirking and staring at him in the mirror, “oh- you’re joking” he rolled his eyes and sighed looking back to the window at the passing cars.

“You got really happy at that Majima-sama, something you wanna tell me?”

“Eat shit”

You sat there staring at each other through the mirror as the car sat at a red light before bursting into fits of laughter

The light turned green and you drove off towards the office once again, the last few minutes sat in a happy silence between you both, appreciating the content atmosphere you had cultivated with Majima. Your eyes often wandered back to the mirror to watch him in his small and comfortable world, one of the few places he could let his guard down a little before heading back into his role as Patriarch and Senpai to the family, plus his jacket did nothing to cover himself and you did so enjoy watching him breathe.

“We're here, sir” you said before stepping out of the car and opening his door for him, once more bowing as he exited.

“Thanks Seiko-kun” Majima smiled at you before walking to the doors, hands in pockets and his guard back up once more in the characteristic sway of his hips. You stood and watched him walk away amongst his family members who were all bowed with their head low to greet their patriarch, and you. Another member ran up to you and bowed as you stood aside to let him take over the car and park it in The Family’s usual spot.

The feeling of walking amongst your peers as their captain was still a strange one, while you had filled in the role easily and commanded their respect it was still very alien to you being their commander. Listening to the shallow breathing of the men at your side as you walked past calm and collected, sticking to the Yakuza code and showing them the amount of respect you were supposed to, was rough and something you had never fully agreed with. These men were willing to die for Majima and the family, the same way you would, and probably will, and not being able to show all of them what that means to both you and Majima was insulting. A code that doesn’t value the people who uphold it, not just the top brass who are in charge but those grunts who do the hard work, is a code that will die. It was inevitable.

As you came to the doors you looked back at the men, still bowing low and waiting for you to enter the building, and then down at the pin on your lapel. A familiar, warm feeling spread through your chest as you felt the comfort of your found family before turning back around and proceeding into the offices.

Majima usually took time to himself after a meeting he didn't agree with, usually they were asking him to do something he didn’t wish to do or demanding The Majima family lay their lives down for some bullshit cause. Everytime a Patriarch dies, or a family has to disband Majima, more often than not, would get up to 200 hundred new recruits into his own, making it the biggest of The Tojo Clan so he’s always asked to lay down his men's lives for the sake of Daigo or the greater good. It’s really one of his biggest peeves about being tied down into the Tojo Clan, while he was, ultimately, in charge of his family he had to obey Daigo’s orders no matter what. Yakuza code to uphold and all, and Majima always upholds his moral codes even at the cost of his dignity, freedom, or life.

-

A couple of hours passed and you had kept yourself occupied looking over paperwork concerning the finances of The Family, sorting out spending, repair work for damages made to Majima family turf, and collection payments from said turf. This was the work that you liked, the filing and organisation of it all, keeping things behind the scenes running smoothly. It was what you were good at, the best in the family if your title was anything to go by, and you often felt proud of the work you did, and how little you made mistakes.

Of course there were others who handled the wages and every day frivolities, you were there to check any major problems or spare work whenever you had a moment to breathe away from Majima… but you hadn’t heard from him, not a hair or even a whisper of what he was doing right now.

“Hmm...” you hummed, quietly putting your documents down and looking out of the window, “he’s been too quiet tonight… maybe I should check in on him” the statement seemed to be questioning but you had already placed your documents into the drawer before speedily heading to the door.

The halls of Millennium Tower were always so quiet, the slightest cough or sneeze ringing and echoing through the walls of your floor. Just like the footsteps you were making that erupted through the desolate silence. As you walked down you nodded to the guards, men were stationed at each door, 2 at yours and Majima’s, and 1 at the lieutenants along with their respective groupies inside the rooms when needed.

Your footsteps continued to echo through the halls as you passed various doors, the guards bowing in respect as menial mumbling chatter rang through the cracks of each room until you came to Majima’s corridor, you walked up and signalled his men to move further down the hall. Still on guard but with a little more privacy. You took a moment to yourself before knocking lightly and waiting for a response.

“Who‘s banging at my door this fuckin’ late?”

“It’s Seiko, sir”

“Oh… justa sec-“

A pause before you heard something heavy drop behind the door and Majima exclaiming painfully.

“Majima-sama? Are you okay?” More groans of pain made your heart quicken in worry, the beating echoing into your ears overpowered your, usually, calm composure, “I’m coming in!” Hastily you opened the door and saw Majima sat on his couch clutching his foot, and a bowling ball on the floor slowly rolling towards you.

“Ah,” you chuckled to yourself, “I think I see what happened”

“Just tryna have a happy memory and it’s gotta do that shit to me?!” Majima sighed and leaned back, legs apart and knees spread wide with his arms stretched out along the back of the seat. You smiled and closed the door behind you before picking up the ball and walking over to him, bowing for respect, and placing the ball back into the open bag on the coffee table, his eye following you every step of the way.

“Are you hurt Majima-san?”

“Naw- well... my pride maybe? Having you see me like this sure is a kick in the dick” he rolled his eye and looked away from you, sending his pout out of the window.

“Better than an actual kick in the dick though, right?” His response was nothing more than a click of his tongue and a sigh as he rolled his head, and his eye, back, “I hadn’t heard from you tonight so I thought I’d check in. After today’s meeting you seemed preoccupied, maybe even a little stressed-“

“I ain’t stressed Seiko-kun” his tone was short and guarded as he raised his head to meet your gaze.

“With all due respect Majima-sama, you are. I know you very well, better than most, and I know something happened in that meeting today” you sighed at his silence and sat in an adjacent chair, placing your chin on your fist and staring at him with bored eyes. He looked at you and scowled before averting his eye back to the window, but you continued to stare and crossed your legs.

“Tch- it’s just- it’s shit The Chairman’s got me doing, now that he’s healed and able to lead again, plus losing Mine and shit, everything’s just gone to fuck and I’m the one who has to put it together again”

You could see how annoyed it made him to be tied down like this, he just wants to do his own thing with people he trusts surrounding him but every time something happened in The Clan Majima was usually the one who had to clean up the mess and with every mess he got tied down even more.

“Unfortunately, this isn’t like in 2006 when you were able to just break away and start on Kamurocho Hills… although-“ he looked back over to you, eye soft and pleading behind his dagger-like glare, “-technically there’s not much stopping you from doing the same right now, if that’s what you choose to do, sir”

“Nothing but a promise”

“To whom?”

“Kiryu Kazama"

You both sat in silence for a moment, the muffled sounds of Kamurocho below echoing into the dimly lit room. The silence was suffocating, unsaid feelings and context ripping the two of you apart before you gathered the courage to break it.

“I see, you do hate breaking promises, sir"

“You really do think you know me don’t you Seiko-chan? Huh?!” Majima stood up and balled up his fists, the soft squelch of leather rubbing against itself filling the angry atmosphere. You sat there and stared at him silently, your eyes telling him you weren’t buying this façade he was putting up. “Ain’t nothing worse n’ a guy who can’t even keep his word. It’s too much that we let Yakuza get this fuckin’ soft all this time, only caring about makin’ money and being on top. Ain't shit without the strength to back it up.”

Majima turned around and sighed before walking over to the window, he placed his elbow above his head and stared down at Kamurocho like a lion watching and guarding over his pride.

“Is this about Makoto Tateyama-san?”

Once again, silence.

You could hear Majima’s breathing getting heavier as he thought about how he wanted to approach this with you and you sat there ready to take it all, he needed to get his emotions out and into the open. Carrying a torch for someone for 21 years wasn’t exactly healthy and the only way Majima knew how to take his mind from it was filling his days with menial tasks, or finding people to fight to prove to himself

“It’s been 4 years since she left the country with her family” you could see Majima’s fist tightening and the scowl on his face getting even angrier as he continued to stare out of the window.

His voice was low, almost a growl, and nothing like his usual scratchy tone “you should know when to shut up and to keep her name outta your mouth”

“I can tell you how she’s doing if you wish, I have people checking on her and her family often to make sure she’s safe”

Majima’s breath hitched in his throat and he looked over to you, his eyebrows still knitted together but now in a combined look of anger, curiosity, and affection. “Why? I never ask’d ya to do that, how’d ya even know?!” He took a step towards you, his arm falling down to his hip and hands still balled into fists. You stood up and clasped your hands behind your back keeping eye contact with him.

“When I joined the family I had my sights fixed on becoming your captain as fast as I could so I dug into your past. The things that happened with Shimano-san and Saejima-san, Yuki-chan and Makoto-san.” He stopped and stared at you, eye wide with awe and mouth slightly agape along with his still knitted brow, “I’ve made it my goal to make sure no loose ends come and bite you in the ass in the future, and that the people you care about are taken care of no matter what. I had hoped to keep your mind at ease.”

“At ease?” Majima’s voice was barely a whisper, the words only just crawling their way to your ears as you stood your ground. “Finding out one of the only people I trust is going behind my back to get info on me, that’s supposed’ta put my mind at ease? Huh?!” Majima’s voice rolled into a roar as he took a step towards you, the anger radiating off of him and his mad eye shaking around as he bore a hole into your skull with glare alone.

“Yes.”

Your reply was short and abrupt, the final tipping point before Majima ran towards you and grabbed your collar pushing you back into the wall. You both grunted at the impact as books fell off of his shelves. Your hands came up and gripped his arms in a futile effort to keep him at bay, there was no way you’d be able to take The Mad Dog in any kind of fight, not that you’d want to but you had to try to calm him down somehow.

“The fuck you think you are?! Huh?!”

“The one person who’s always on your side no matter what Majima-san!” He didn’t budge, “I didn’t do it for blackmail or for any kind of leverage, if I wanted that I wouldn’t have worked so fucking hard to get to where I am now. Here! Right by your fucking side where I plan to stay!”

Tears blinded your vision as you poured your heart out to him, the things you admire most about Majima flashing through your mind as his grip on your collar loosened.

The way he never backed down from fights.

His loyalty to the people close to him, especially his family.

The promises he never breaks no matter how hard it is to get to the result.

How hard he fights when he lets loose, especially when he fights Kiryu.

His smile.

His laugh.

His nose.

His lips.

Him…

“Sei- no… (Y/N)-kun…” him saying your name made your heart skip a beat and the breath in your lungs disappear. His hands lay on your chest, slightly smoothing down the fabric of your creased shirt and he averted his gaze, almost sheepishly, as he realised what he had done.

“Unless you throw me out yourself I don’t ever plan on leaving you, Majima-san. Not for all the Yen in Japan, not even to start my own family-“

“You’d be a great patriarch, y’know”

You smiled and lightly sighed, “not nearly as great as you.”

A small gasp made it’s way past his lips once more before his gaze made its way back to your own, eye slightly watering as you studied him making sure to remember every little detail you could. Only now could you feel how close he had gotten, Majima’s breath a small breeze upon your lips, both of you breathing in eachothers air.

All the blood in your body became intimately known to you as well as where it was rushing to. The heat rising in your cheeks and the small, rushed, beating of your heart echoing into your eardrums.

Majimas voice was barely above a whisper as he leaned his head forward, eye now focused solely on his gloved hand smoothing down your shirt. “Seiko I…” he let out a breathy sigh before a small smile made its way into his lips, Kansai accent slipping from his words, “I haven’t felt this comfortable alone with someone in years, I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel… not anymore”

“I know” you were in no position to give him advice about how to feel when your own emotions were hardly ever in check, “I’ll be here whenever you need to feel comfortable. No matter how far away I am, even if another family has me locked up. I’ll fight my way to you with every fibre of my being, nothing will keep me from you Majima. Our world has no enemy I won’t kill to make my way back to you.”

He leaned his head down slightly, eye closing as he became more and more vulnerable the closer he got to you, and you felt the same about him. Your breath became shakier as your heart continued to beat out of turn, you leaned your head forward and pressed your forehead against his, feeling how hot his body was, your noses barely touching and your hand resting on his bicep.

Kamurocho stopped in those few seconds, no sounds, no lights, no traffic, just the two of you alone on this earth.

Majima was the first to move, his hand creeping up to the side of your neck and his head tilting to the right as he brought your lips closer together, your breath trapped in your lungs as you anticipated his lips upon yours. Your eyes had been focused on anything but his gaze until now, you looked up and he had already been studying you. Just as your lips were about to touch there was a knock at the door, both of you jumped and parted before someone walked in and bowed, looking like he had bad news.

“Sir, I’m sorry to interrupt but there’s a phone call from The Chairman, he says it’s urgent”

Majima sighed and turned away from you, the lingering heat from his hand on your chest slowly fading away as you averted your gaze. All of the trapped air in your lungs made its way out and you stood there out of breath and embarrassed.

“You should get that! I’ll leave you alone. Thank you for seeing me Majima-sama, have a good night.” You bowed and Majima opened his mouth to protest but before he could you quickly made your way out of the door and down the hall to the elevator, face red and still short of breath.

Once the elevator doors closed, and you were alone, everything hit you and you couldn’t stop yourself falling onto the wall for support, the cool metal of the lift. All breath left your lungs as the emotions took over, arms wrapping around yourself and eyes fixed on the floor as you tried everything you could to calm down the thoughts in your head and the thoughts in your heart.

You remained that way until the elevator came to the floor of your office. You stepped out, having regained your calm persona, and walked down the halls with your hands firmly by your side, the right one almost burning as you remembered the feeling of Majima’s bicep in your grip. Your chest aflame with his handprint as you continued trying to keep your composure, determined not to let any of The Family see you like this.

You spent the remainder of your night awake and alone in your office, laying down on your couch with a pillow for company and the Kamurocho sounds, and rain, for ambience. Each thought was of him, how close the two of you had gotten, and how much closer you were about to get before you were interrupted.