#at some point in the future this can get tidied up just wanted to have it written down and done even if it gets tweaked again some day

[thatgirlie-diaries]

How I get out of a slump

Hello girlies! Welcome to another blog of mine. This topic was very spontaneous for me to write about. I'm having a writers block since last week because I have been stuck in a rut, that's my reason bts. I'm going to tell you my personal tips to get out of this state and regain your consistency on a healthy lifestyle!

My tips

Journaling: You may do this step whenever you feel it's right, but I think it's important to be concious about why are you in a rut in the first place and what you can do for you to feel better and get back stronger. You may let yourself just dump and feelings or go to Pinterest and look out for prompts.

Tidy up my space & take a shower: I truly believe that our space is a reflection of our own mind, as so I think that I reflect my state in how much I take care of my appearance and hygiene. So, this is the first thing I do to step into a state in which I feel clean and calm and able to focus on my mind after taking care of my physical space. Take your time to cleanse yourself!

Listen to high vibe music: I know my ruts happen in first place because I am in a low vibrational state and with a negative mindset. Even if it's not your case, I reccomend you to listen to songs that motivates you and empowers you up to again make an effort for yourself , rather than listening to low mood lyrics.

Revisit your goals: it's time to think again about what are the things you want to accomplish. Ask yourself what do you need to get back on track: Are there any goals that don't align with you no more or you need to change to be accomplished? What are the habits or steps you need to take?

Take it slow: We are just getting out of a rut, so it has been hard for us this days to keep track on habits and goals, even to do simple things. Girl, take it easy and at your own peace, no one is chasing you and your wellness it's first before other matters. If you need to, break down your habits or steps into small ones. One of my favorite reminders is "something is better than nothing". Examples: You don't feel with the energy to clean your room? Use a timer of 10 minutes. Can't read? Just read one page. What matters is that you are making an effort to be in a better place.

Take care of your health: First things first. Related to other points of the blog, take care fo your health and then focus on heavier effort or alongside doing small but significant actions. Health is something we start neglecting when we are in a slump (alongside keeping our space clean, our goals & habits and our mind). Make sure you are sleeping well, having a healthy diet, doing exercise, take some sun, whatever you need to do to have a healthy body.

Be consistent!: Consistency will be an important point in this one. For me, the hardest thing is taking the decision to take the first steps, after it keep them on track until you feel better. Rather than seeing it as discipline, see it as devotion. Think that "you are being devoted in taking care of yourself and giving you the best present and future", it sounds lovely, isn't it?

Health + Clean space → Reflection → Revisit your goals → Take small steps →Consistency

Let's get out of this one together! 𑄽𑄺ྀ

[dilemmaontwolegs]

Irresistible {6} || CL16

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x fem!reader, Max Verstappen x fem!reader Summary: Gossiping drivers, alcohol and Charlotte. What could possibly go wrong? Warnings: 18+ only, nsfw, angst, cheating, kind of taboo (future stepbrother) WC: 4.9k F1 Masterlist || One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven

Three weeks ago there had been an anonymous complaint raised about your presence in the paddock when you were nothing more than a spectator. Apparently an emotional support animal wasn’t an acceptable reason to travel with Charles and it didn’t take a genius to figure out who laid the complaint.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Charles asked as you placed a plate of food in front of him. 

“I’m getting paid to do what I would normally do anyway,” you pointed out once again. “And dad said I needed to get a job.”

You had been hired by Ferrari to work in the hospitality building; running food orders, making drinks, tidying the driver’s rooms. Okay, maybe the job was more than you would normally do, but not by much. At least you were kept busy and boredom no longer plagued you. 

“I didn’t realise you needed the money,” he murmured as he stabbed a seasoned chicken breast with his fork. His credit card in your handbag was yours to use however you wanted, he had assured you of that time and time again, and it was the only reason his apartment was furnished so brightly. You could never have done that on the measly savings in your bank account. 

“I don’t, but I’m not going back to Monaco on my own.” That was the consequence if you didn’t become an employee, at least while the Covid restrictions were in place. 

“Hmm, god knows what trouble you would get up to there on your own,” he chuckled, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. Something had been off about him all morning, but you knew he would talk about it when he was ready so you let it drop.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” you said with a wink as you leaned closer and laid a napkin on his lap. “I believe you called me a good girl just last night.”

You left the dining area before he could respond and met Sebastian at the beverage station. He was another of the drivers you had befriended, though much like he was to Charles, it was more in a father-figure role. The German was a gentle soul and you always had time for him, even when he called you out for the feelings you thought you were able to conceal in public.

“You wear your heart on your sleeve,” he commented as you made his coffee - double shot espresso with a dollop of froth, no sugar. 

“You obviously need this coffee to wake you up, Bassy, you are clearly dreaming,” you said as you placed it in front of him and showed your bare arms. “I have no sleeves.”

Sebastian smiled as he lifted the cup to his lips, the words entertaining him but not fooling him. “There is a little get together tonight with some of the other drivers. I think everyone is feeling a little isolated from society right now and could do with socialising. You should come.”

You gave a noncommittal shrug because you weren’t sure if Charles would be one of those other drivers, he hadn’t mentioned anything to you. “Maybe, it depends how busy I am picking up your dirty laundry.”

“My wife trained me well, maybe you are thinking of the wrong room.” He placed the empty mug down and departed with a wink. 

The rest of the day passed quickly and you made yourself comfortable in Charles’ room while you waited for him to finish his media duties. It wasn’t unexpected that he took longer since it was the first of the two Italian GPs, he had given you warning that the team’s homerace would be more hectic. Pierre was the first to invite himself in, lounging on the other seat wanting to know the gossip around the paddock. 

“Don’t lie, I know the best gossip comes from the kitchens,” he begged when you said there was nothing of interest. 

“What can I say? Everyone is tight lipped after Nora and Damien caught covid.”

That had been the hottest gossip of the week because Nora was from Renault and Damien from Racing Point. Both teams were still arguing over who gave it to who and there were talks of suspension because they were sneaking into each other’s rooms instead of isolating. 

“Ah bon,” he huffed. “Are you coming tonight?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t had a chance to ask Charles what the plan is,” you answered as you checked your phone again to see no messages and the afternoon was dragging. “What is taking him so long?”

“You’re waiting here for him?” Pierre frowned as he sat up a little straighter. “He was heading back to the hotel after he finished, he had to go pick up Charlotte from the airport.”

You tried to police your face but from the pity on Pierre’s it was clear you failed to hide the disappointment, shock and betrayal. Charles had been quieter in the last few days but everything you asked what was wrong he said nothing and then distracted you.

“Sorry, I thought you knew and that’s why you were still hiding out here.” He stood up and reached into the pocket of his Toro Rosso jacket to grab his car keys. “Wanna catch a ride with me?”

You didn’t really want to go back to the hotel room you had been sharing with Charles but had no idea where else you could go. You definitely needed to change out of the Ferrari uniform you wore but you didn’t want to see Charlotte if you could help it. Why was she even here?

“I don’t know, but from his mood I’m guessing Charles didn’t invite her.”

You didn’t realise you had asked that aloud and you concentrated on your shoes as you stood up and followed him out to the carpark. You almost asked him to turn around and take you back to the paddock but there would probably be more gossip spread if you slept in Charles’ driver’s room instead of the hotel.

“Thanks for the ride,” you said as you stepped out of Pierre’s car. 

“No problem. Text me if you want a ride to the party.”

You weren’t exactly in the mood to party but the idea of liquor was growing on you so you said maybe and departed. Walking into the hotel, you passed the designer stores that lined the first two floors and felt the black credit card calling, but it was probably the devil whispering in your ear. And not for the first time you listened. 

Charles checked his phone as he received another notification from his bank. One part of him was pleased to know you were at least near the hotel since the charges were to the shops below, but a larger part was sick knowing you were lashing out because of the message he had left in your room down the hall. 

The shower turned off as his phone vibrated again and a bitter laugh bubbled at the $50k debit he saw for Prada before Charlotte appeared from the bathroom. There was a time before you showed up back in his life where he found her beautiful but now he could only imagine your face when he held her. He really had to do something about this because no matter how disinterested or rude he was, she ignored it to remain in his life. Looking away as she reached the bed, he returned his focus to his phone and sent a message to the person he actually wanted to be with.

The hotel room was silent when you finally built up the courage to leave the shops and take the elevator to the higher floors. The housekeepers had swept through and placed everything back where it belonged except for one square sheet of hotel-embossed paper.

Charlotte is here so I will be staying with her for the week. I’m sorry, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you in person. Love, Charles x

You sneered at the paper as your phone vibrated. “Love, my ass.”

Charles: Ma biche, if you are trying to bankrupt me you are going to have to do better than that. 

You: I just want to look good for the party tonight. Never know who I might take back to my room.

You slammed the stack of receipts down beside the note and went to see that his bags were gone from the bedroom. Your lip curled back in disgust and you tore the protective sheath off the little black dress you had purchased with his money. If he was going to be a coward then he would suffer the consequences of it. You were sick of waiting for them to break up, maybe their delusions for a perfect image actually made them perfect for each other.

Charles slammed his phone onto the bedside drawer and pushed Charlotte’s advancing hands away. “I’m not in the mood.”

Rolling her eyes, she settled amongst the pillows and crossed her arms. “You’re never in the mood anymore.”

“Whatever, just get dressed,” Charles ordered as he kicked his suitcase over before unzipping it and grabbing a clean set of clothes. “We’re going out.”

“I just got here.”

“So? It’s a party.” He didn’t even glance her way as he pulled his Ferrari shirt over his head and replaced it with a plain white t-shirt before moving onto his jeans. 

“Will Y/N be there?”

Charles’ foot caught in the legging and he nearly tipped over. “I don’t know,” he lied.

Charlotte knew him well enough to know when he was lying, or telling half truths - those were almost as common as breathing to him lately. 

–

Since social gatherings were frowned upon, the group had met in a large field that the motorhomes parked in near the Monza track. A roughly cut metal oil drum glowed with a fire and golden embers floated off into the evening light as you navigated your way in new heels to the circle of couches around it. 

“I think I overdressed,” you joked to Pierre as a dozen pairs of eyes flickered your way. There was no denying that you looked amazing, but you were more suited for the red carpet than a backyard bonfire. You should have gone with jeans and a shirt like Pierre wore when he picked you up.

“I think you look beautiful,” Max said with a smile as he shifted on his seat to make space for you. “You can sit here.”

You returned the smile and carefully stepped over the legs outstretched to warm by the fire. One pair of eyes burned into you but you pointedly ignored him as he sat opposite the flames with Charlotte on his lap. You stood in front of Max and put your hands on your hips as you cocked an eyebrow at the narrow space between him and the armrest. 

“I have caught you checking out my ass enough times, Verstappen, you know it’s not going to fit there,” you said with a smirk. 

An annoyed humph came from beyond the flames and Charles started to push Charlotte to her feet. “I’ll get you a seat.”

“She can sit here,” Max reiterated as he spread his legs back to get comfortable in his chair and patted his thigh.

“Mate…”

“Such a gentleman.” You turned on your heel, meeting the furious Monegasque whose eyes reflected the fire that was burning within him too. You held his steely gaze as you lowered yourself down onto Max’s lap, feeling the form fitting dress that barely covered your thighs ride even higher. 

“I didn’t think so many of you guys would actually be here,” you said as you draped an arm over Max’s shoulder to help balance on your perch. His arm curled around your back so his hand rested lazily on your hip and his eyes darted to Charles, the blue hue almost screaming at him, ‘what a fool’. 

“I only came for you,” Max admitted as he tore his eyes away to look at you. Those eyes narrowed and he brushed he cupped your face, brushing his thumb across your cheek. “You’re wearing makeup. Why?”

You frowned, wondering if maybe the makeup artist had done a terrible job and Max shook his head. “You look beautiful,” he assured you as he saw the worry-lines crease your forehead. “You always look beautiful, but you don’t need makeup, schat.”

 You didn’t correct him on the endearment and he seemed to take it as a victory as his smile grew wider. Maybe you would have reminded him of the rules on friendship before the interruption, or maybe you would have just tucked the wayward strand of dirty blonde hair back where it had fallen over his face. 

“I’m glad you made it,” Seb said, breaking the tension as he leaned over a cooler and offered a bottle of Jagermeister. “You look like you could use this.”

“Thanks,” you chuckled as you cracked the cap off. “You could have given me a little more information about this ‘party’.”

“Where is the fun in that?” Kimi muttered to himself as he sipped vodka from a teacup. The white china and blue glaze depicted an ancient scene and you stared at it as you took a swig straight from the bottle. Disgust screwed up your face at the taste before shivering, making both of the older men laugh. 

“Ugh, I’ll take the rocket fuel please.” You didn’t give Kimi a chance to pull away as you stole the teacup and handed him the dark green bottle instead, though you were sure with those driver reflexes he could have moved if he wanted to. “That’s better,” you sighed as you tasted the drink to find it was a vodka lemonade mix. “I thought you would drink this stuff straight.”

“I’m not Russian,” he said as he jutted his chin across to Daniil who was in fact drinking pure vodka with Daniel, though the latter was coughing thanks to it. Reaching into the cooler, glass and ceramic clattered before he settled back into his foldout lawn chair with another china teacup that you didn’t bother to question.

Conversations between the drivers flowed, voices cresting and receding with the topics they were passionate about. Your stomach sloshed with alcohol and your body relaxed against Max’s, his smile growing when you rested your cheek on his head as you listened to him talk about the first thing he would do when the restrictions were lifted. It was to go to his friend’s concert, Martin Garrix to be specific.

“No fucking way,” Pierre laughed. “Not this again!”

You lifted your head and peered across the circle to where George and Alex were arguing over the suggested game of Truth or Dare.

“What are you? Prepubescent teenagers?” you teased as Alex took a pro-stance on playing. 

“No, Lando only looks it,” George joked.

“Hey!” The young McLaren driver spluttered with an indignant laugh. “Rude.”

“Leave little Lando alone. He got his first pube just last week,” Daniel chimed in before adding, “I’ll play. Max?”

Max shrugged with a quiet, “Sure.”

Alex grinned wider and elbowed George. “See, it’s fun.”

The younger half of the drivers around the circle started the game, daring each other to do silly little things that their PR teams would frown at or confiding the secrets they answered for a truth. Your ribs hurt from laughing until Daniel called your name. 

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” you replied just so you didn’t have to get up from your cosy spot on Max’s lap. 

“Have you kissed a driver here?”

Charlotte’s eyes narrowed on you through the flames and you grinned at Daniel as you combed your fingers into the short hair at Max’s nape. “Yes.”

“Who?” Daniel looked at Max, Pierre and Charles before returning to Max.

Your head tipped back with a laugh. “That’s not how the game works, Danny. It’s not your turn anymore. It’s mine. Max?”

“Hmm, yes?” he hummed as he looked into your eyes.

“Truth or dare?”

He debated the option for a moment before exhaling. “Dare.”

“I dare you to take me out.”

“You didn’t need a game for that,” he chuckled. “When?”

“Breakfast, tomorrow.” You leaned in and brushed your lips over his cheeks that flushed pink an instant after you whispered in his ear. “We could even make it breakfast in bed.”

You hadn’t noticed Charles had left his seat until you heard his voice beside you, plonking himself down on the cooler while he sparked up a pointless conversation with Seb. 

“Charles, truth or dare?” Max asked, noticing how still your body went and the stiffening of your spine. 

Charles turned slowly, his eyes drifting over the space where your body met Max’s and a sneer tugged at his lips. “I don’t play childish games.”

“Just the adult kind, right?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” he said with that innocent smile that had fooled you. 

“Of course you don’t.” Max turned his attention to the fire pit and the woman sitting on her own, attempting to hold an air of carefree relaxation despite her gaze always returning to you with a scowl. “Charlotte, truth or dare?”

“Max.” You jumped at the sharp bite to Charles’ reprimand but Max didn’t even glance his way as he waited for the woman to choose.

“Dare.”

“I dare you to finish Kyvat’s drink.”

Pierre’s teammate grinned as he offered the tumbler that was half full of vodka. To give her credit, she only winced with the first swallow but she downed the spirit and cocked an eyebrow that challenged Max, is that all you have for me?

A cruel smile tipped up and she licked the drop of alcohol that clung to her lips, the burn of the vodka quickly hitting her veins and travelling to her head. “My turn.”

Charles abandoned his conversation when Charlotte called your name and the slight shake of his head warned you not to answer. 

But he had pissed you off.

“Truth.”

The choice echoed around the circle as everyone fell silent. Pressure brewed like a lightning storm approaching and everyone felt the charged atmosphere.

Charlotte closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them, staring you dead in the eye as she found the courage she had been missing for months. “How long have you been fucking my boyfriend?”

Max’s fingers stopped drawing abstract circles on your hip and Charles burst to his feet. “Charlotte!”

“What? It’s just a game, Cha,” she replied with a bland look of boredom. 

“It’s not appropria-”

“3 years,” you cut him off, your eyes never leaving hers. If she wanted the truth then she could have it. “The 8th of August 2017, if you want to count the precise days.”

“What?” Confused murmurs broke around the fire.

“Oh, shit,” Pierre laughed as he looked closer at you then to his friend who had frozen still. “She’s that chick you hooked up with at Jimmyz?”

Charles dragged a hand down his face but ended it with a nod before turning to his girlfriend. “It was before us, mon amour.” 

The way he said it made it appear it was only before they got together, ever the liar, and even you rolled your eyes.

“So you two…and your parents…” Kimi whistled before keeping his mouth busy with a drink. He was quietly enjoying the brimming heat too much for someone nicknamed the Iceman.

“My father was out getting a haircut-“

“-at my mother’s salon-“

“-when we met. I guess they kept in contact after we left.”

Charles turned his attention to Charlotte but she was already storming her way across the field. With a sigh, he made his way after her and you wondered if it was finally the day that you had been holding out for, the one where she would dump him. 

“She should have asked when you last fucked him.” The words were a whisper in your ear as everyone else returned to their own conversations, the game clearly over, but you knew those conversations were about you. Max sensed your discomfort, though even a blind man would have been able to see it. “Want to get out of here?”

“You still want to go somewhere with me?” It seemed unbelievable that he hadn’t thrown you off his lap.

“Everyone has a history,” Max said with a shrug. “I don’t care about your past…just your future.”

You left without a goodbye under the watchful eye of Seb but you didn’t miss the elbow George gave Alex, muttering sarcastically, “Oh yeah, let’s play truth or dare, he said, it will be fun, he said.”

“I didn’t know that was going to happen.” The angry whisper of a reply followed your departure and it seemed Alex was the only one too innocent to see what had been in front of them all along. 

Charles' car was already missing from the makeshift parking lot and you slipped into the passenger seat of Max’s Aston Martin before he closed the door for you. 

“Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know, can we just drive? I feel like a fucking idiot,” you laughed bitterly. All the memories made with Charles seemed to crumble like sandcastles with the tide as you remembered how he had chased after her. He always did, and it seemed he always would. Actions screamed louder than words. “He’s really not who I thought he was.”

“I’ve known Charles most of his life and I don’t think he even knows who he is,” Max said as he laced his fingers with yours and headed to the city. “Are you hungry?”

“No, but I have a full mini bar that is getting billed to Charles. Want to help me empty it?”

Max shared a conspiratorial grin as he headed to the hotel and when you walked past Charles’ room down the hall, it didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. 

“What are you doing?” Max asked with a laugh as you hung the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the front door. You closed the door and leant against it, Max’s eyes following the curve of the Chanel dress, down the length of your legs to the Prada shoes and back up to the Bvlgari diamond necklace that accentuated the valley of your breasts.

“Making sure this party doesn’t get crashed.” 

—

It was a miracle there had been no complaint made as you turned the stereo up and pretended you knew how to mix drinks. 

“Max!” You fell into a fit of laughter as he poured four of the miniature gin bottles into the cocktail shaker, adding it to the three bottles of vodka you had put in. “That is pure alcohol.” 

He shook the container and poured the clear liquid into two glasses, spilling some as he reached the same level of drunkenness as you. “No, it’s just water. Here, taste it.” He tipped his glass back, his face pinching before he blew out a burst of burning air from his throat and spluttered a cough. “Mhmm, good water that.”

“You’re trying to get me drunk,” you shouted over the pounding in your head, but you knocked the drink back anyway. 

“You’re already drunk,” he countered, dropping into the couch and pulling you down with him. Empty bottles littered the coffee table and the dining table, the expensive mini bar almost empty. “I’m just keeping you that way.”

You settled on his lap and fingered the dirty blonde hair that was longest at the top of his head. “Is that so you can have your way with me?”

His eyes danced over your body, lingering on your thighs as your dress barely covered them. “No, schat,” he said with a small shake of his head as he cupped your face. “When I have you I want you to know that you chose me, clear headed and completely sober. Even if I really just want to fucking kiss you right now.”

You drew your lip between your teeth at the thought and his blue eyes darkened with envy. “We could just kiss?” you suggested as you shifted to straddle his hips.

“I don’t think it would be that easy to just stop there.”

“Fine.” Your hands stroked the column of his neck, feeling the cords of muscle that tensed under your touch before you traced his collarbones with your thumbs. “Truth or dare?”

He inhaled sharply and tipped his head back, watching intently as you popped the first button on his shirt and opened the collar wider. He didn't appear to breathe as you kissed the hollow at the base of his throat. He exhaled, knowing what you wanted to hear, “Dare.”

Your teeth grazed his racing pulse and he shuddered beneath you before you pulled back. “I dare you to kiss me.”

Perhaps it took having the flame of Charles extinguished for you to feel the spark of Max because this time when he pulled you close and captured you with a kiss you felt that spark ignite. 

—

You looked around the parking lot seeing all the other mothers dropping their children off for the first day of school. They all kissed their kids on the cheeks after a tight hug and said their goodbyes, complete with teary I love you’s. Confused, you frowned at the large hand that gripped your school bag and followed the arm up to your father. 

“Daddy, why isn’t my mummy here?”

He had known the question was coming, he just didn’t think it would be from his five year old. He thought he had more time to prepare as he dropped to one knee and held your hands. “Your mother was sick and she needed to leave so she could get better.”

“But she never came back.”

“Sometimes, that’s what’s for the best.” He kissed your forehead and draped your backpack over your shoulders, the weight more than just the lunchbox and books it carried. “But you know what?”

“What?”

“I will always be here for you, pumpkin.”

You woke in a cold sweat and felt the haunting thought the dream had inspired linger in your brain as you slipped out of the sheets. Beside you, Max slept soundly with one hand buried under a pillow and the other stretched across the bed as if he was searching for you. 

You didn’t regret sleeping with Max, though part of you felt he surely would, and you watched his back rise and fall a few times as you dressed. You were busy trying to write a note, tearing off each piece that failed to convey what you wanted to say and balling it up, that you didn’t hear Max’s footsteps. You jumped in surprise as his hands came to rest on your hips and his lips teased the same sweet spot beneath your ear that he had found last night. 

“Going somewhere?” he asked as he saw your bags by the door and he saw the latest attempt of a note. Max, thank you for last night. How about a raincheck on our-

“I think it's time to go home,” you admitted as you turned in his arms and draped yours around his neck. “Because the next time we do this, I want you to know that I chose you, clear headed and completely sober.”

He chuckled, surprised you could remember what he said. Then his own hungover haze lifted and he realised what else you said. “Next time?”

“I still want you to take me to breakfast,” you assured him with a smile. “How about you call me when you’re back in Monaco?”

“It’s a date.” He tipped your head back and kissed you with the same passion that left your toes curling and your body warmed with the memory of how that kiss had led to much more last night. But Max was sober and more in control of himself as he reluctantly broke away first.  “Do you want me to take you to the airport?”

“No, thank you, I’m going to drive back. Take a bit of time to myself and figure my shit out.”

Max frowned. “You don’t have a car.”

“Yet,” you said with a wink. “But if the offer for a ride is still on the table…there is somewhere you can drop me off.”

—

Charles woke to a call from his bank and he swallowed deeply as he listened to the request to release $250k to a dealership. There was only one reason you would buy a car and the thought left him feeling empty as the bed he woke up alone in. It was a surprise there was no noise complaint after the argument he had with Charlotte, the one where he snapped and broke things off. She had left in a rage and he didn’t have the decency to ask where she went. 

He had gone to your room, his feet carrying him light on a breeze as he finally had what he wanted. But then he had seen the Do Not Disturb sign on the door, and heard your laughter sneak through the panel of wood that separated him from where he should have been. 

Sitting up in bed, he wiped away the tears that had dried on his cheeks overnight. 

“Yes, allow the payment to proceed,” he muttered, though the sound of his voice was no longer one he recognised. 

Charles: Drive safe, ma biche x You: I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you in person.  Charles: I guess I deserved that.

Click here for the final chapter.

[f1ghtsoftly]

While, I don’t hate the women that express “doomer” ideology, I do think it’s Really Bad for a wide range of reasons. One of the most important of which is the all or nothing type of valuation it places on resistance, we either destroy all patriarchy, or we’re all doomed, and the way it negates our power as living breathing adult women to do anything at all the change our circumstances, because I can’t change all of it-I change nothing instead.

There are thousands of women on this website that are alive right now who want a better world-do you seriously believe none of our efforts, do you believe the efforts of all the women who’ve ever lived amount to nothing just because we haven’t achieved a post-patriarchal society? Think about all the ways women’s resistance, big and small, has nurtured you-even before feminism was a thought in your head. Did that not matter to you? Did it not help protect you? To warn you? To feed your soul? Not enough of course, but all of that effort was enough to make you brave enough to dig for answers, to not immediately give in to all that was expected of you, to find a place here on this website, surely. It did matter, even just hearing or seeing something that made you feel seen for the first time in your life-that does matter.

I think one of patriarchy’s most pernicious effects is the way it corrupts intimacy between women. We are trained to play act images of women that men create through media and social control we end up worrying if we’re successful in our impersonation of this being we call “woman” always trying to be nice enough, tidy enough, small enough etc…and disrupts our images of woman’s actual humanity and personhood. Remember how crazy you felt before you discovered feminism, imagine all the other women and girls who already do and will one day feel like you. You thought no other woman was like you, until one day you went to a secret place, somewhere men didn’t control, and discovered, it wasn’t true.

Women’s ability to resist patriarchy is a gift to us, it lets us know, even hundreds of years into the future, that we have never really been alone. Women who acted out to the point of being disciplined via religious, psychiatric or state institutions. Women who worked in secret as men to be able to write, create, make and live independently. Women who pushed politically for their rights. Even just women who survived and gained power for themselves in environments that were hostile to it. They all gave us a gift and that gift is the knowledge that they were alive, they mattered and they didn’t like it-they weren’t these images of women that men created-they were human, just like us. More than just giving us comfort, these big and small acts of resistance allow us to more fully understand not only the totality of what we’re up against-but also to appreciate the incredible fortitude of women who persisted against incredible odds. They didn’t know what their fates were going to be either and it probably felt as bleak, if not more, than it does right now. We can find women like this in the historical record, even if Big Patriarchy is still around.

It’s true that individually we don’t have a lot of control over the Really Big Historical Picture, but the good news is we don’t have to-we just need to control our slice of it. There are so many women just waiting to find women like us, there are girls growing up who need to see us to know that they’re not alone and that there is a community of women who feel like them and who are worth fighting for. Focus on making yourself visible as a human being to the women around you, on trying to make a mark big enough so that women in the future can find you. We are alive and we matter-and I really think this is enough. It’s a very worthy effort to live by and for other women and usefully it’s also a really critical step in building solidarity, so even if some of us get crazy ideas about doing something to change the Big Historical Picture, they’ll have a much better chance of achieving it.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Old Scars, New Blood 4

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, manipulation, borderline bullying, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader has accepted that she’ll never be wanted, not only by the man she’s crushed on for years, but by anyone. That is until a new player enters the game. (f!, short!reader)

Character: Lloyd Hansen, Thor Odinson

Note: Still sick but going to have to work.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

With meal prep complete, you return to Lloyd’s office to find it empty. The remnants of his earlier spill remain speckled over the desk and floor. You clean it up, leaving a lemony fresh scent in your stead. While you’re at it, you tidy up the bookshelves.

You hesitate on your way to the door. You glance over your shoulder as something tickles in your head. You still don’t get why Lloyd didn’t tell you about Valhalla. For months, he hid that from you. You think about that day in the car and being left on the side of the road. Maybe he’s been planning to cut ties with you for a while.

You stare at the large iMac. It would be wrong to snoop. Even if it isn’t his redeeming quality, you’ve always been honest with Lloyd. You’re just confused. He’s never anything less than straightforward so if he’s going to fire you, why hasn’t he just pulled the trigger?

Maybe… you know too much. That sends a shiver through you. It may actually end with shots fired.

“There she is,” Lloyd interrupts your inner turmoil and you whip around to face him. He’s freshly showered and styled. You can smell the specialty oil he puts in his mustache, “the fuck are you doing in here?”

“Cleaning,” you reply quickly.

“Looks pretty fucking spotless,” he tosses keys at you and you flinch, catching them against your chest, “I need a ride.”

“Um, I can get Jackie–”

“He drives like an old man,” he retorts, spinning on his heel as he snaps his fingers, “chop, chop, kid.”

You swallow your agitation. Usually, you’re better at it. Today you just find him grating. Maybe you’re just a bit sore about him leaving you on the highway. Well, get over it, he’s not apologising.

You follow him with the keys in your hand. He’s several paces ahead of you as you scurry to keep up. His stride is tense as he opens and closes his fists.

As you come outside, you hear a whistle. Lloyd peers over and scuffs to halt as he faces Thor. The large blond bounds over, a shirt with only one button done up displaying most of his chest. He looks over Lloyd’s shoulder and his cheek dimples.

“Running away?”

“Business,” Lloyd says flatly, “I’ll be back.”

“What about my business?” Thor challenges. Lloyd doesn’t respond. “Relax,” he slaps Lloyd’s arm, “I’m ragging on you. Tonight, we will share some of your scotch, eh? Get you nice and loose.”

“Mm,” Lloyd grumbles, “we’ll see.”

“The little one prefers wine, I think,” Thor points over Lloyd’s shoulder, “oh, and she has quite the sweet tooth, eh? You must know that.”

“Whatever. She’s the assistant. Her job is to worry about what I like,” Lloyd sneers, “don’t wait up.”

He turns back towards the car and you send an apologetic smile past him. Thor smirks and winks, flicking his tongue out lasciviously. You blanch and swiftly follow Lloyd.

You still don’t believe what he said in the kitchen. Not only that he said it but that he meant it. You’re certain it’s all just a part of this pissing match between the men. Thor keeps stepping onto Lloyd’s territory, he’ll keep going till he gets bit. You don’t how much longer Lloyd can hold out.

Lloyd’s in the passenger’s seat of the SUV before you even get to the door. You open it and swing yourself in. You hate how big all these vehicles are. You shove the keys in the slot and turn the engine. You shift in the seat and slide your phone out of your pocket, placing it in the cup holder.

You check the time then the mirrors. It’s not unusual for Lloyd to head out later in the day but you didn’t have anything on the agenda. You know better than to ask questions. That’s what he liked about you, if he likes anything about you.

“Would you just fucking drive?” Lloyd growls.

You wince and shift into gear. You look behind you then ahead of you. Thor watches you as you ease into reverse. Or maybe he’s watching Lloyd…

You roll the wheel and turn towards the gate. Lloyd takes out his phone and slumps in the seat as he scrolls and taps. You steer through the gate and pull out onto the road. You don’t even know if you should ask where to go.

“Head northeast,” he says.

Right. You take his direction and turn onto the ramp onto the highway. He grumbles at his phone but says nothing else until you have to get into the exit lane. What is he up to?

You head into the city and he directs you through the main row where much of the nightlife thrives. You’ve been there many times before. He isn’t shy about his nocturnal activities. He commands you past his typical spot.

When he points you into the lot behind a Hilton, you frown. Is he that desperate to get away from Thor? You don’t say a word as you idle by the back wall.

“Right,” he doesn’t look up from his phone as he undoes his seat belt, “I’ll be a while.”

You look over at him confused. What does he mean?

“I’m sure you can keep yourself entertained,” he pokes his tongue out as he smirks at his phone. You catch the glimpse of a chat, a picture sent of a woman in a thong. You cringe and grip the wheel.

“I’ll just go back to the compound–”

“You’ll stay the fuck here,” he tears his eyes from the cell and jabs his finger at you, “you need to remember who the fuck you work for, kid.”

You say nothing as he opens the door and drops out of the SUV. You know this side of Lloyd. His ego is bruised. It happens after rough missions or when an agent gets mouthy. It’s worse now since he can’t do much about his problem. 

He slams the door behind him and you watch him march towards the entrance. You sigh and roll down the windows before you shut off the engine. There’s no use in wasting gas for who knows how long. You’re certain if you get bored, you’ll have enough time to get a coffee down the block.

You grab your phone and shuffle through several apps. You can’t focus on any of the time-eating games you keep for when you’re restless. You have nothing else to distract you. Your sister hasn’t answered the text you sent her a week ago and Lloyd is busy.

You open up your downloaded series and turn on the same show you’ve seen a dozen times before. Still, you’re not paying attention. You don’t think Lloyd is here for business. It really shouldn’t matter to you but it feels extra humiliating to have to wait outside while he does…whatever.

You turn off the show and let the car go silent. You adjust the seat to recline and close your eyes. You’re exhausted. All the chaos has got the best of you. 

Your phone vibes before you can get cozy. It’s Lloyd. You tap the preview so it expands.

‘Need lube. Ten minutes.’

You scoff. Is he serious? Your heart shrivels up as your stomach turns. He’s punishing you. Not because you did anything but because he can’t punish Thor. You’re so so tired.

You grip the wheel and stare at the phone. You wonder if he knows? Is this why he’s doing this? All these years, talking about his escapades, you just assumed it was his usual crassness. He talks like that with everyone. If he’s not boasting about killing, it’s fucking.

Either way, he knows what he’s doing. This is low. You are low.

You open up maps and search for a shop nearby. You fix the seat and pull out, driving numbly as you follow the automated voice directing you through the street. You park without paying attention and get out, nearly stumbling from the height of the SUV’s lift.

You stroll inside the shop with its blackened windows and enter with your head down. Your eyes scan furtively as you search for your goal. The task is made more difficult as the flesh toned silicon and shameless displays set you on fire.

“Hello, hon, can I help you find something?” The man behind the counter asks.

“Er,” you cross your arms, “lube.”

“Alrighty, are we looking for flavoured? Water-based? Oil?”

You blanch as he rounds the counter and strides towards a rack. You shrug and trail after him. You see a black bottle with cherries on it.

“That’s fine,” you pluck one off the shelf and quickly retreat to the counter. “Credit.”

You bring up your card on your phone and tap. The man behind the counter tries to break the tension but you’re not listening. You shove the receipt in your pocket and swipe up the bottle and leave.

Back in the truck, you have to hold back from screaming. What are you doing? You don’t need this shit. Why do you keep bending over backwards for Lloyd when you don’t have a chance? Why have you wasted a decade hoping for nothing?

Because, you don’t have any other options.

You turn the car on and roll out of the lot. You make your way back to the hotel in a haze. You check your phone. He sent the room number and nothing else. You walk into the hotel, ignoring the front desk clerk, and wait for the elevator. You step onto it and watch the doors shut.

You get off and follow the signs to the exact door plaque. You knock with your knuckles, your hand fisted around the bottle. You hear giggling. It’s more than one woman. Footsteps approach the other side.

A woman in an open robe opens the door. She has dark wavy hair and smeared lipstick. Lloyd growls in the background as you glimpse his naked ass.

“Hurry up, sugar tits,” he calls, “I’m starting to chafe.”

You shove the bottle at the woman and drop it. You don’t wait to see if she catches it. You spin on your heel and you’re gone. Your eyes fill with hot tears. Tears like acid. Tears of stupidity.

When you get back to the car, you keel over the steering wheel and heave. You don’t hate Lloyd. You hate yourself. You need to cut it out but somehow, you just can’t. He’s the worst person you know and yet, you want him so badly.

❤️‍🩹

As the sky darkens, you get out of the SUV to stretch your legs. You pace around and check the time. You don’t want to get back in the car. Instead, you wander down the street to the coffee kiosk you drove by earlier. You get an Americano and drag your feet back up the pavement.

You stand outside the SUV and sip from the cup. You chew the paper brim anxiously and look at your phone. Another car door opens and closes.

“Candy?” A man approaches.

You look up, the glow of your face making the stranger nothing more than a dark shadow, “not me,” you back up and press your phone to your chest.

“Oh, sorry,” he puts his hands up, “thought you were someone else.”

You shake your head as he turns and wanders off. You’re not entirely sure how he mistook you for a prostitute. That is what he thought, isn’t it? Candy? Sounds pretty tasty.

You get back in the SUV and lock the doors. You put your phone in the cup holder and it flashes. A message. You don’t bother reading it. You tap your fingers on the console and close your eyes, sipping from the warm cup.

A knock on the other window startles you. You turn on the light and see Lloyd peering in. He winks and tugs on the handle. You hit the locks and sit up.

He gets in and lets out a sigh, “ahh, I feel good.”

You don’t say a word as you slip your cup into the empty holder beside your phone. You start the car and press the gas. As you come to the exit, Lloyd yawns and stretches his arm between the seats, gripping yours above your shoulder.

“I’m fucking starving, let’s hit a burger joint,” he says as he rubs his stomach, “you don’t think I would be with how much I ate.”

He cackles and you bite down. You don’t understand it. He repulses you and yet there’s that sharp pang in your chest.

“You see the tits on Kasia? Fucking pert–”

You veer onto the next street and he hits the door with the motion, “hey, be fucking careful.” He shifts in his seat as he touches his crotch, “I’m tender.”

You sniff and pull into the drive through. You stop by the menu, “what do you want?”

“Get me some of that honey chicken and some rings. Extra honey sauce for the rings. Oh, and a sprite.”

“Sure,” you answer as you drive up to the speaker. You recite his order and the fuzzy response tells you to drive up to the window.

“What’s up? You’re not hungry?”

“I’m fine,” you insist.

“Aw, you on another diet,” he taunts, “bone broth?”

“No,” you answer flatly.

“I’m not sharing my rings,” he says.

“I don’t want any,” you insist.

“You’re fucking testy,” he accuses as you pay.

“I’m tired,” you utter and roll up to the pick-up.

“You’re tired? Fuck, my back is aching from all that thrusting.”

“Would you stop?” You snap before you can stop yourself, “I don’t want to hear about your dick anymore.”

He snorts and sits up straight, “excuse me, kid?”

“I don’t care,” you reach over and give a blunt thanks to the drive-thru worker as you take the paper bag. “Why don’t you shut up and eat?"

You shove the bag in his lap then take the cup and move your phone to plant it firmly in the holder. You follow through the lane and back onto the street. The silence is still and stolid around you.

“If you wanted to join in, you just had to say–”

“No,” you snip. You know he’s not serious, he’s teasing you. You’re a joke to him. “No, I don’t want that.” You grip the wheel tight and bite down until your jaw hurts, “I don’t want you.”

He inhales and blows it out heavily through his nose. The bag crinkles as he opens it and reaches inside, unleashing the smell of chicken that makes your stomach rage. You ignore the discomfort and focus on the road.

“Learn to take a fucking joke, kid,” he snickers, “maybe then, you’ll catch a dick or two.”

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: The Ending

The perfect last line will:

Immediately make the reader want to re-read the novel from the beginning

Hook the reader into reading your next novel

Leave your reader chewing on the last scene long after closing the book

Types of Endings

The Perfect Loop

This ending back to the beginning.

It can bring the reader back to the opening scene or first line, but provides added depth.

It requires planning and editing to craft both an ending and a beginning that feels easy and authentic, not forced or artificial.

The Surprise Ending

Completely switch up the story and take the reader by surprise.

Maybe a new detail is revealed or the narrator is proven unreliable.

It’s unexpected, but it should always make sense upon reexamination.

Remember this: All endings should be satisfying.

If you choose to twist the ending with a surprise, be sure that there’s plenty of foreshadowing spiced throughout your story.

The Moral of the Story

Sometimes, the last line should just spell out what you really want the reader to get from the story.

It doesn’t have to be in the preachy tone used in children’s fables, though.

It can be a realization of the narrator or protagonist.

The Cliffhanger

Sometimes, you don’t want to give away everything about the character. Perhaps you’re not even certain yourself.

Or you may have a sequel in mind, and there’s no sense in tidying up the lives of characters you’ll revisit in the future.

In these cases, rely on the trusty cliffhanger.

This ending feels like the close of a chapter, and gets the reader excited about the next story.

The best way to create a cliffhanger ending is to tidy up the main plot points you’ve introduced within the course of the novel, but let the reader know there’s still more to explore with these characters.

The “Happily Ever After”

Alternatively, we may call this one the “crystal ball”, because not all endings of this type are happy.

In this ending, you’ll explain what happens in the future.

Follow the eventual lives of the characters you’ve introduced.

Oftentimes, this type of ending occurs as the finale in a series.

A way to tie up loose ends without writing a new book.

Happily ever after endings can feel rushed, if you don’t write them correctly. Remember that each character’s story arc should be foreshadowed within the text.

Example: A prim and proper Southern belle who, in the epilogue, has run off and joined the travelling carnival doesn’t make much sense unless you’ve planted seeds along the way.

The Vagueness of It All

Some authors choose to provide a vague and murky ending.

This is the type of ending where things are left unsaid.

An ambiguous ending is often exasperating.

Readers oftentimes don’t want to take your story and come up with their own conclusion.

They want to know what you, the writer, think.

They want a chance to say goodbye to the characters.

By leaving important plot points up in the air, you rob the reader of a rewarding end.

Avoid this type of uncertain ending and rescue your readers from the agony of unanswered questions.

Edit With the Ending in Mind

When you first set off to write your novel, you probably have no idea where it’s headed.

You may know where you’d like to go, but the characters often take off in their own directions and instead of being the dictator, you become the record keeper.

So, how do you have the ending in mind when you don’t even know what the ending will be?

Easy. Take care of that with the editing process.

Editing is essential to writing because the first draft will always be just that—a first draft. It merely helps you blurt out the words and get everything down.

The second draft, and so on, helps you mould those words into something masterful and worthy of your reader’s time.

Once you start to edit your draft, start shaping it so that the ending seems inevitable from the beginning.

Remember: Inevitable, but not obvious.

Threaded throughout your novel should be a foreshadowing of the ending that’s only revealed in retrospect. While you don’t want the reader to predict the ending from the beginning (how boring is that?), you do want the reader to go back and look for clues to how this ending was always going to happen.

Examples of Great Last Lines

The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald:

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

This is one of the most praised last lines in all of literature.

In one sentence, it perfectly captures the mood and underlying theme of the novel.

It poetically describes the human struggle to improve one’s condition even when it’s only an illusion.

Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell:

“He loved Big Brother.”

This heartbreaking end to a biting social commentary will likely leave the reader with feelings of hopelessness, but the truth is this ending was inevitable from the beginning:

The crushing tyranny of Big Brother leaves no survivors.

The House of the Spirits, Isabel Allende:

“Barrabas came to us by sea…”

What stands out about this last line is that it’s also the novel’s first line.

It brings the reader back full circle to the story’s beginning.

Even in its simplicity, this line carries much more weight than it did when the reader first began the novel, because the reader now has a deeper understanding of what this line means.

The Book Thief, Markus Zusak:

“I am haunted by humans.”

As narrator, Death offers this profound insight on humans.

What’s so astounding about this line is that most humans are afraid or haunted by death, but in an interesting twist, Death is actually scared of humans.

Write an ending that makes the heart ache and then ponder. Craft a line that echoes in your readers’ minds for a long while after. The last line is your elusive entrance into literary immortality.

Source

[wannaeatramyeon]

A national boyfriend day fic with Gun & Goo? >///< (Separate if that's ok!)

Ever so slightly late. Just a touch! To all my other requests, sorry for some reason my brain wants to work backwards 🫠

Happy National Boyfriend Day! Goo Kim, Gun Park

Goo Kim

"No, why did you put that?" Goo whines and you erase your last couple words.

"Say I'm the best instead. Put that down." He scans over your caption, leaning closer to the screen with each passing second before reeling back and jabbing a particularly offensive part with his finger.

"There's a typo there cupcake!" You quickly correct it. "And are you using that picture? That suit was last season. Here, let me send you a better photo of me."

Goo starts to tap away on his own phone. You hear the tell tale ping of a message sent, and he slings a smarmy grin your way too.

With a sigh, you change the picture and redo the entire caption so it finally, finally passes his royal highness's scrutiny.

It's live. Thank fuck for that-

"Sweetheart~" Goo sings songs, elongating the vowels and you feel a headache come on, "Did you get me a present too?"

You want to snap of fucking course you did. He's been dropping hints for the last couple of months. Getting more obvious with each passing day, until he just came right out and demanded the specific item.

Which you would have gotten for him of your own accord, but this fool has no patience and no subtlety.

Thinking of the packaged box in tasteful gold wrapping, well tasteful by Goo Kim's standard anyway, you point wordlessly to the walk-in closet and he scampers off with glee.

You suppose you can't complain, after all it is his credit card you used.

.

.

Gun Park

"Happy National Boyfriend Day," you say somewhat shy, handing over an envelope.

Neither of you are big on celebrating these silly little made up holidays. Actual birthdays, anniversaries you are both more attentive to.

At least you are, then Gun took your lead after the first time he missed a particular occasion of something or another and you didn't speak to him for days.

He has learned his lesson since.

It didn't take much to make you happy, anyhow. And each time he remembered a date, your eyes lit up - that was even before giving you a gift and taking you out. So how could he deny you such simple pleasures?

"Thanks," he responds, a little stiff and taking the item from your hands. Because he definitely doesn't care for National Boyfriend's Day and thought you didn't either.

"Open it," you encourage with an excited smile, and he follows your instructions obediently.

Inside the envelope is a card. Printed on high quality cardstock. Dark and matte and heavy, with a simple heart design on the front.

"You can read it!"

And Gun does.

He's never been one to be affected, positively or negatively, by media. By prose or poems or songs. Words are frivolous, especially for a man who lives by action and violence.

But as he reads over your tidy, neat writing. Recalling your favourite memories together, your love for him, the future you see together.

Gun can't help but be touched. 

Feel his eyes soften and a small smile tug at his lips. Want to pull you into his arms and hold you and cradle you like you're the most precious thing in his world.

"Thank you," He tells you again, and this time he means it.

[ninjaturtlemaniac]

The Revenge Plan - Part 4

The group heads for Volcano Rock City. 

Floyd said he knew a place they can stop at while they plan the next move.

The Nexus Bar

He tells everyone to wait outside as he goes in.

The bar was…not what it used to be. It was looking rundown and there were barely any customers. Floyd's heart hurt.

He spotted the Troll he was looking for with her back turned to him.

He smirked.

“Yuck, what a dump!” he yelled.

--Bottle smash--- Halen flips and points a smashed bottle at Floyd

“Who do you think you…-” She suddenly recognises his face. Her face turns sad for a moment and she drops the bottle.

Floyd opens his arms for a hug.

Nope...

She launches herself over the bar and crash tackles him.

She grabs one of his arms and starts wrestling him and punching him in the side.

“You sad, dumbass, moronic excuse for a Troll! You have the acorns to walk in here and expect a hug?!” 

Floyd wrestled right back. She was the one who taught him how!

“I can see you missed me”

“Miss you? You idiot, I thought you were dead!”

She rolled around to get him in a headlock.

Both arms were around his neck.

Her nose was pressed to the back of his head.

But she wasn't pulling, her arms loose.

“Are you hugging me?”

Muffled answer “...no”

“Then your headlock game is weak.”

“Shut up and let me headlock you for a minute.”

He stroked her arms soothingly.

He tried to stand but she held him down,

“Say Uncle” she said with mischief in her voice now.

Floyd chuckles “Uncle” and taps her arms.

Halen drops him and gets back behind the bar.

“You need a hand behind there?” 

She gestured to the random two Rock Trolls in the corner.

“With all the customers I currently have? I think I'll survive.” 

“Suit yourself but some friends of mine might be stopping in for a drink.”

“You have friends?” 

On queue the door opens and a flood of Trolls suddenly enter. Floyd’s brothers and Kismet, accompanied by Viva and Queen Poppy

“Still think you’ll survive?” Floyd smirked.

“Get your ass back here.”

Floyd met her behind the bar and started helping her make drinks.

John Dory, Branch and Poppy sat at the bar.

“Coulda used a heads up that royalty was coming. Woulda tidied up or something, Shiny”

“Don't think it would've helped” mumbled Clay as he tried his best not to touch anything.

Viva kicked him under the table.

“Shiny?” Poppy asked.

“Queen Poppy, my brother once punched Floyd in the face. Gave him a real good shiner. Name just stuck with him after that.”

“Oh….owie. And it's just Poppy please”

Floyd slid a cocktail down to Branch.

Branch made a face at it.

“You'll drink it and you'll like it.”

Branch gave in and sipped the cocktail.

Halen elbowed Floyd “Answer me this one. Two boybands, a princess, a Queen and future King walk into a bar. The hot bartender says “What in the world are you doing here?” Wanna tell me the punchline to that one?”

“We're here to get my songs back for Cider”

Halen smirks “Hot bartender wants to know how she can help.”

...

Part1 Part2 Part3 Part5

[that-ari-blogger]

Connection (Reaching Out)

In the wind up into a series’ final arc, episodes tend to feel janky. As if they are trying to pad out the series or are unsure whether the arc has started or not. As a rule, these tend to be below average in so far as quality goes.

The Owl House, however, exists by subverting expectations, so these episodes are some of its best. Reaching Out, for example, uses the plot limbo to tell a focused story that is by far my favourite episode of the series, as well as being one of my favourite stories ever put to screen.

This episode deals with family first and foremost, specifically through the lenses of grief and legacy. It’s about memory and tradition, as well as connection and love.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD (The Owl House)

The Owl House has a very specific style of story that it likes to tell.

This is different from genre, and part of why I dislike that concept. It’s simultaneously more broad and more specific. The series plays around in fantasy and horror, it takes inspiration from classical epic fantasy as well as shonen anime, it’s a satire of itself.

But that’s just the breakdown of genre, The Owl House’s style of story is centred around quests and humour. Episodes give you a problem that can be tangibly fixed, and either find a solution or work towards it, Understanding Willow gives you a magical accident and a spell to fix said magical accident. It’s self-contained and questy. "Go do x." "Find y." "Bring back the golden hoop of hoopiness." Etc.

This episode does things differently, in the sense that I challenge you to find a tangible solution to the problem of grief and physical distance. Even in The Owl House, dead people stay dead, and there is no foreseeable way to get home within the next day. You can’t fix that; you just have to find a new way of doing things.

It will not have escaped your notice that the episode’s opening scene is the shortest in the series, and that is because it doesn’t need to be longer.

A cold open needs to do one thing and one thing only. It needs to establish the plot of the upcoming episode. It’s a tidy way of getting across the core conflict to come, and let the audience know what they are in for.

This is the issue I have with Batman Beyond, but it’s a minour issue and not the point, so I’ll leave that for a future post.

Reaching Out opens with an event reminder. The scene has no words in it, but it is sold entirely by the acting. The animation conveys the emotions going through Luz’s mind perfectly, and it’s unclear. Guilt, fear, sadness, its ambiguous to allow for a sense of mystery, but you do know that she doesn't feel good about whatever this may be.

Then she presses “Ignore”, and the scene ends.

That’s the entirety of the cold open, any more would feel cluttered, and yet you know exactly what kind of story you are in for. This will be an episode about Luz’s relationship with her mother and will provide detail into how Luz handles her own issues.

That jacket is a gift in this context from Eda. It may be Luz's technically, but this scene sets up Eda giving it to her to help her. Now Luz has a gift from a maternal figure, its a proxy that she will cling to over the course of the episode.

When the episode actually begins, Luz procrastinates on doing the thing she probably needs to do by making a list of everything else in the world that she would rather be doing. So, we get the defining conflict of the episode spelled out more specifically. She’s avoiding something. You could have got that from the opening, but now we get a little insight into why.

“Every year, me and Mom have this little ritual we do. It's nothing big. I just miss her. That's all.”

This episode has a slow burn to it, revealing more and more of the details of this ritual over time. It’s framed as a discovery, which works with the idea of the audience slowly discovering things about Luz.

I want to dwell a little more on the animation of this episode for a moment. I promise I’ll try to talk about other stuff as well, but this episode is just gorgeous to look at.

Luz doesn’t stop moving until the confession. She’s frantic, but in a really smooth way that I find rather interesting. In just the above shot, she flows from one thought to the next, from one action to another.

This creates a feeling of momentum that diminishes over the course of the scene. It’s dynamic, like the series as a whole, but it's slowing down to something slower paced signifies the episode’s decision to focus in on something small.

“What you need is a healthy distraction from your problems.” “I have a problem, and it could distract us all day!”

That’s a very specific word choice to happen twice in twenty seconds, it's almost as if the there’s a theme going on here, and there is. Luz is seeking that distraction from her issue.

Which brings me to the subject of said issue, the grief ritual.

According to a Psychology Today article titled “The Power of Rituals to Heal Grief”:

“Rituals are an important way for people to find meaning when they lose a loved one. Everyone is familiar with rituals. Perhaps you’ve performed them during holidays, in church, or even before ballgames. You may have performed rituals to acknowledge important life changes—graduations, retirements, and even funerals... The power of rituals lies in their symbolism. Consider the ritual of graduation. Walking across a stage and shaking someone’s hand is no big deal as an act in itself. We walk all over the place and shake people’s hands all the time. But this act takes on special meaning when it’s performed at graduation, symbolizing an important transition.”

A grief ritual is crystalised emotion, allowing you to act upon it and let the pain out in a healthy way. In Luz’s case, the picking of flowers brought about a connection between her and her mother. The two grieved together, and now their physical difference means that Luz doesn’t have anyone who understands her pain exactly to share the moment with.

Enter Amity, and I want to cover that scene last, because I believe it to be the series’ magnum opus, and it needs some more build up.

Please remember that this guy helped with the experimentation on the Basilisks. He wasn't just complicit; he was an active participant. Remember that when talking about Warden Wrath.

Amity is going through what I hesitate to call a generic The Owl House plot, but it's definitely something more in the series’ general wheelhouse. She has identified two problems, those being a rift between her and her father, and the decision that was made for her about joining the emperor’s coven; and she has decided upon a solution, win the Bonesborough Brawl.

This is achievable and presents room for hijinks. Its self-contained. But it’s also an example of how well The Owl House handles theme exploration.

Each episode of the of this series has an idea that it wants to explore, and every plot point within it delves into something about that theme. In this case, it’s connection and drifting apart. Amity is drifting away from her father, Luz can’t get to her mother, and the two of them are being driven away from each other by Luz’s increasingly desperate attempts to distract herself.

You would think that grief is a secondary theme here, but it’s not. Connection is a facet of grief as an overarching idea. That’s why this is about grief rituals rather than just the feeling of loss.

The article I mentioned earlier has a passage that goes into this concept in more detail, but from a slightly different perspective.

“For Donald, this ritual was meaningful because it shared his great love of nature with his dad. For his father, it was meaningful, because it kept a piece of his son alive and well. Eventually, Donald passed away. To this day, however, his father visits the preserve four times a year, once for every season. There, he speaks to his son, takes a few pictures, and doesn’t show them to anyone.”

It's about connection to the deceased, with the person gone by. It’s a way of communing with the only thing left of that person, their legacy.

Which reframes Alador a bit here doesn’t it. He’s set up as a mirror to Manny, and yet he’s still alive. Except, is he?

In a physical sense, yes. But the person whom Amity wants to connect with is long gone at this point. Young Alador and Old Alador are very different people, specifically in terms of agency. Young Alador acted, Old Alador reacts.

So, Amity tries her own ritual to connect with the Alador that once was. Alador gets to see this and is forced to think for a moment. Suddenly, his world has been rocked just far enough for him to start listening.

The conversation is all well and good. But for my money, the look of abject pride on Alador's face here sells the connection more than anything. This is someone who, for the first time, has looked at what his daughter is rather than what he wants her to be, and he is proud of what he sees.

“What? You don’t want to join the Emperor’s Coven anymore? But that’s always been your dream.” “No, that’s always been Mom’s dream. And you went along with it. I bet you didn’t even know I was dating Luz!” “Edalyn’s kid?” “See, you don’t talk to us anymore! You’re too busy making these monsters for the Emperor, and Mom’s been too busy trying to dye my hair green.”

Turns out, when you stop listening to your kids for a while, you miss things. Your assumptions might be wrong. Your understanding of who they are might be way off the mark.

That’s what Alador realises here, that the thing he’s been trying to connect with his daughter over was never truly there. So, he takes a different approach.

“I like your new hair colour. Its abomination coloured.” “Finaly someone gets it. Can you tell Mom that?” “I’ll talk to her.”

The hair dying has been a symbol of agency for Amity over the course of the series. It was green as she sought her mother’s approval, then that faded and she was given the choice of what to do, and she chose the pink. It’s an expression of her own wants and desires, and she wants to be like her father.

Alador’s new approach isn’t to bond with his daughter over expectations, its to take an interest in something she does, and find common ground there.

I like the act of reaching for a hug and getting subverted. The relationship has mostly collapsed, and they’re now rebuilding it almost from scratch.

“It’s a start.”

Connection, relationships, love, loss. We have some key themes, let’s get into that tree scene.

I’m not going to give you the entire scene here, watch the episode. Writing out the words doesn’t have nearly the same impact as the stellar voice acting.

Instead, I want to highlight how this episode achieves its nuance, and that is through the grief rituals that I have kept mentioning. Any story can talk about how loss makes someone feel, but this doesn’t mention that at all. Instead, it highlights how the physical separation interrupts with the process.

Luz’s grief centres around sharing that emotion with her mother, she expresses it through the practiced motion of picking flowers with someone else who can share her pain.

“I don’t know what rituals you have in the Human Realm, but, I’ll help you pick some flowers, and we can do something here!”

Amity doesn’t know what Luz is going through, but she can empathise. She can see her girlfriend is going through something and help her out. She can take the place in the ritual and allow Luz to grieve.

Love isn’t about the good times, it’s about everything. Love is about joy and heartbreak and triumph and loss. Its about sharing emotions together, lifting each other to new heights, and supporting each other in the lowest moments.

The episode doesn’t give us a fix to its issue. Luz is still separated from her mother, but it gives us a substitute, and that leans in to a theme I haven’t really mentioned yet at all in my coverage of the series, distance.

Yes, the obvious of Luz being away from home and wanting to get back has been a core part of the plot, but the series hasn’t really engaged with what that means up until now.

Sometimes distance separates people, whether it be through forced movement, or just the twists and turns of life. And sometimes that comes in the way of rituals like this. Do you bottle up the emotions until you get back? No. You find a new way of doing thing, you adapt, you change. You find the light.

Light, do not faulter.

Final Thoughts

This episode also establishes lore for how the Wild Witches work, specifically through that idea of connection again. The Wild Witches are a group of people who accept and protect each other, you don’t have to be skilled at anything to be a Wild Witch, you don’t have to meet any criteria. Which is good, because Edric is awful at potion magic. But that’s not the point, the point is that he has an interest in going outside the box, the point is the effort not the execution.

Considering how the Emperor made wild magic illegal, the Bad Girl Coven takes on a ton of queer/pride coding. They support each other because nobody else will. Anyone who slips through the cracks has a home in the Bad Girl Coven. Just like pride, where there isn't a bar at a parade that says: "you must be this gay to enter", it's about accepting everyone for who they are.

Next up is Them's The Breaks, Kid, so stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[bangtansmauyeondan]

THIRTY-FIVE | S04 E03 — A Thousand Times Over

Pairing: In-Studio Director!Jungkook x Stage Director!Fem Reader

Genre: rivals au, social media au, frenemies to lovers, slow burn, fluff, smut, angst, crack.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: explicit language, mentions of abandonment, alcohol consumption, harmless scheming, dare, bet, smut

Summary: It has always been the battle of the best between you and your college rival, Jungkook. What happens when years later, you cross paths again working for the same network broadcasting company, and the competitive flame is rekindled? Well, a whole new drunken bet that determines your futures wasn’t in your line of vision but here you are… and you have until 35.

(A/N — Hello! Did you miss me? lol)

•••

You can’t believe it. Is this really happening? Are you really hosting dinner at home? You, who messed up something as simple as miyeokguk, are hosting dinner at home?

You don’t know where you got the guts from, but it’s definitely the result of another successful production, and Jungkook telling your close friends that dinner will be at yours over the weekend. By the time everyone has stopped cheering and exchanging high-fives, you have already agreed, smiling at them from ear to ear.

Jungkook helped you with the groceries the night before, and showed up at your doorstep bright and early this morning to get all the preparations done.

“Bun, it’s 7 am. Why are we doing this?” You whined while peeling a skinny piece of carrot, being careful not to peel your skin off in the process. You were sitting on a barstool, hunched over the kitchen island, only 80% awake. While your boyfriend moves around the kitchen confidently, mixing random spices and sauces for the marinade, and trimming the meat.

“We need to prepare everything now, so all the cooking will be easier later~” he answered in a singsong manner, turning around and busting out a move while humming to a song you don’t know. You can’t help but chuckle at what’s in front of you— your boyfriend in gray sweats and an oversized shirt, sleeves long enough that he was able to pull it down his hand and use it to handle a hot lid off the pot. He looks so soft and cozy, you almost want to leap off the stool and give him some cuddles.

“What are we making anyway?” You asked with curiosity, eyeing the vegetables and a piece of apple lined up in front of your “chopping line.”

“Suyuk and soondae gukbap. I need to start boiling the broth for the gukbap now, so it will be yummy tonight.” He nibbled on his bottom lip, doe eyes giving all the ingredients on the counter a once-over. “The rest— like the dakgalbi and samgyeopsal will be cooked over dinner, and everyone can participate.”

“Oooh. Is that something that a real chef would do?”

“I don’t know, I’m not one,” he grinned at you, nose all scrunching up as the grin turned into a giggle.

Two hours later, Jungkook has already marinated the chicken, dry-brined the slab of pork belly in the fridge, and got the bone broth simmering on the stove top. You, on the other hand, have organized all the chopped vegetables in ziploc bags, and tidied up the kitchen, making sure that everything is clean and ready to use for all the cooking later.

•••

The dinner party went well. Jungkook’s suyuk was a hit, to the point that he had to make another batch while everyone’s already crowding around the kitchen.

“Yah, Jungkook, you are insane!” Hoseok muttered between chewing. “This is so good, yah…” he gushed, picking his chopsticks back up and hugging another piece of pork with gat kimchi before stuffing his face with it.

“How did you make it?” Namjoon, also in awe of the taste, asked in curiosity. Deep down knowing that he won’t ever be able to even set foot in the kitchen to recreate it.

“I just followed the recipe!”

“Anyone up for some drinks?” Sohyun’s question worked everyone’s appetite even further up, and the food was demolished in no time.

“We should do this more often, it’s nice,” you told no one in particular. Yoongi agreed, topping up your glass. “Oh, thank you.”

“You did well, babe,” Jungkook slinked his arm around your shoulders and planted a kiss on your temple.

“I didn’t even cook!” You replied, flustered.

“Aye, you chopped all the vegetables. You did all the hard work,” Mingyu quipped. “Cooking is just putting it all together.

“You cleaned up too, YN. That’s crucial,” Hoseok added.

“Take the compliment, YN,” Namjoon snickered. “Remember when we went camping way back and I nicked my finger trying to peel a tiny potato? I am useless!”

Yoongi burst out laughing at the memory, “You had one job, dude. ONE JOB.”

The evening continued with more banter, stories, and laughter until Yoongi and Mingyu started a drinking game incorporated with a balance game. Two people will be asked to pick between two choices. If they match, they win. If they don’t, they take a shot. Hoseok and Sohyun have been winning back to back, so Yoongi decided to switch up the questions, zeroing in on you.

“I got a good one for you, YN…” Yoongi smirked.

“Okay…” You answered cautiously.

With a devilish grin and sharp eyes fleeting between you and Jungkook, Yoongi asked, “Would you rather kiss Jungkook for ten thousand won, or kiss a stranger for ten million won?”

Jungkook’s jaw dropped, “Yah, hyuuung…” Noticing your pause, he turned his head from Yoongi to you so fast, he could have had a whiplash, “Yah… is there something to think about?”

“Did the stranger brush his teeth?” You asked.

Jungkook gasped. “Why does it matter?” He asked you incredulously.

“Hmm… Let’s say, yes. He’s clean. Hygienic,” Yoongi nodded.

“Clean CLEAN? Like he goes to a dental hygienist clean?” You continued coaxing Yoongi for answers, completely ignoring Jungkook’s dagger eyes on the side of your face.

“Yeah, he regularly goes to the dentist and flosses three times a day,” Mingyu answered, almost toppling over his seat from laughing so hard at his bestfriend’s reaction.

“Shut the fuck up,” Jungkook picked up a piece of grape and threw it at Mingyu.

“Umm–”

You were cut off by Jungkook suddenly standing up from his seat to fish a crisp green banknote from his wallet and slamming it down on the table in front of you. “Baby, here’s ten thousand won, let’s go. Kiss me.” His facial expression, a mixture of amusement and drudgery.

The room erupted in laughter, with Hoseok literally falling on the floor and smacking Namjoon’s legs over and over trying to contain himself. “Aigoo, Jungkook-ah…”

“Can you give me ten million won?” You raised an eyebrow at your boyfriend.

“Can you give me one thousand kisses?” He challenged back.

“Yah, yah, yah…” Namjoon waved his hands at everyone. “Let’s skip this question, we don’t want to be the cause of your breakup!” He suggested playfully, still half-wheezing from laughing.

The game continued on, putting a different person on the spot, until everyone sobered up and have gotten ready to leave. Jungkook decided to stay the night, given it’s already almost midnight, and tomorrow is Sunday.

You were standing in the doorway of your house, waving Mingyu off when Jungkook nudged you on the side, “Check your phone.”

“Huh?” You leaned onto the doorframe, fishing your phone out of your pocket. Your eyes widen in surprise when you saw the notification, before staring back at a smugly smiling Jungkook. “What the fuck is this, Jeon?! Where did you get this? You’re crazy!”

“Oh, I’m Jeon again?” He snaked his arms around your waist and pulled you closer, pressing his forehead against yours. “Here and there. Work. Stocks.” His voice dangerously low and goosebump-inducing.

You instantly melted at your boyfriend’s touch, “Babe… You’re overre—“ Jungkook shut you up by capturing your bottom lip with his soft ones.

“One,” he whispered.

“Jungkook,” His name came out of your mouth in a breathy voice as your fingers curled on the collar of his jacket.

He pressed two more kisses on your lips, one after the other. “Three.”

“What…?”

Jungkook swiftly shifted your body away from the door, kicking it shut in the process, before lifting you over his shoulder and making you squeal.

“Let’s get you to bed. I’m cashing in the remaining nine hundred ninety-seven.”

•••

BONUS — The notification:

[baek-at-it-again95]

Walk The Plank (KHJ x fem reader)

Chapter 18: Outro: Long Journey

You had grown up hearing tales about the infamous pirate crew ATEEZ—the fearless, power-hungry men that roamed the seas in search of the most valuable treasure they could lay their hands on. You almost didn’t believe the stories your mother had told you as a child...not until you wound up on their ship  

Warnings for this chapter: Depictions of weapons. That's it :)

A/N: I'm going to try not to get emotional...but this is the FINAL CHAPTER!! I am incredibly grateful to all of you who have read, reblogged, or commented on this story. You have brought me so much joy while writing this! :) I wanted to end this on an open note, so that the reader is introduced to a new adventure. New stories are coming in the future, and now that I have declared myself an english major, I can hopefully improve a lot. Love you all! :)

Previous: Chapter 17, Masterlist

Chapter 18: Outro: Long Journey

Early this morning, the ship had changed course towards your homeland, Utopia.

You and Hongjoong had a rather lengthy discussion, coming to the consensus that you should see your parents and let them know you're alright. Despite the captain's distaste for your father, he is willing to forgive him...especially now that he's in love with his daughter. And with the Cromer being gone, the map your father had stolen from Hongjoong is no longer useful in the grand scheme of things anyways. 

You have many feelings about returning home. Your parents are unaware that you are not being held against your will since you were unexpectedly taken from your father's ship. You never did get the chance to write to them. You imagine your mother would be overwhelmed with joy at your safe return, as well as delighted that you've found where you belong. Your father, on the other hand, is a different story. You cannot imagine that he would be delighted when you tell him you plan to stay with ATEEZ. He had plans for your life that you never quite wanted, and that was just how it had always been, being the daughter of a wealthy researcher and politician.

Therefore, you were content with parting from the things you had left behind. Living in Utopia felt like an entirely different lifetime, and you were at peace with that. This ship has become your new home, and you wish to go on many future adventures with your crew. With Hongjoong. You hope your family can understand that.

You let your mind wander as you rummage through your chest of clothes. You pull out an ivory dress, recalling that Hongjoong was wearing a coat of the same color earlier. You carefully change into the pretty garment, smoothing down the fabric of the skirt with delicate fingers before taking some time to tend to your hair.

As you finish and tidy up, you're about to close the chest when a sparkle catches your eye. You push some fabric to the side, revealing two shiny items: the pearl necklace Wooyoung had given you, and the knife San had given you. They glisten in the low light as if speaking to you. You smile, picking up the pearls and fastening them around your neck before shutting the chest with a satisfied sigh.

When you arrive to the main deck, Seonghwa's smile is perhaps even brighter than the sun. He comments on how lovely it is to see you so radiant and well-rested. And it is not just Seonghwa—every crew member's smile seems a little bit wider after you bid them a hello...even Mingi's. It's quite pleasing to think the others missed your presence as much as you missed theirs.

At this time, San and Wooyoung have abandoned their posts, finding excuses to chat with you about your time away from them.

"There's our angel," Wooyoung says, knowing no personal space as he arrives at your side.

"Woo—"

"Looking lovelier than ever." He sighs. "So, I hear the other Sector Ones are nothing like ours, aye?" He must have overheard you talking to Hongjoong at some point.

"Both of them were unlike anything I have ever seen," you reply.

"And we are outlaws there?" San asks.

Wooyoung laughs. "O' course we are. We're us! And Miss Y/N here is an outlaw, too. Destined to be a pirate." 

You roll your eyes at him. "I am not. I believe I was destined to meet you. Becoming a pirate was just something that happened after that." San gives you a sweet smile.

"I think so too, Y/N. Are you excited to return home?"

Just then, Mingi passes by, immediately scolding the boys. "Get back to work you two." He throws a bag of grains at San and he catches it with ease, setting it down and returning his full attention to you. 

"More nervous, actually," you admit. 

"Why?" Wooyoung presses. San raises a brow. 

"You realize we took her from her father's ship?" Wooyoung starts up his usual loud laugh.

"Oh, yeah. But she actually likes it here," he retorts, the smirk on his face growing. "Right, Y/N?"

"Yes, yes. I mostly enjoy San's company," you reply teasingly. Wooyoung looks at you with shock.

"What would Captain think when I tell him that?" 

"Alright, alright, I enjoy your company too, Woo," you add, looking around and hoping your eyes don't land on Hongjoong. Wooyoung's smugness returns and you can't help but smile, rolling your eyes. You ruffle his hair and wink at San before heading off to see if the others need a hand.

"Wait, where are you going, Y/N?" San asks. He and Wooyoung trail behind you like ducklings.

"Well, if I am to be on this ship, I should be of use, yes?" 

"You could help us move those." Wooyoung pouts, pointing to the bag of grains San had dropped mere seconds ago. You give him a look of amusement. 

"San just picked up that bag as if it was full of feathers. I am helping elsewhere," you state, giving Wooyoung a kiss on the cheek since you know it will silence him. You spot Yunho and make your way toward him, turning around to steal one last glance at Wooyoung. He seems dazed as he grins and touches his cheek. 

***

You sit at Hongjoong's desk peacefully, writing in detail your experiences with the Cromer. His journal of adventures has become like your diary as you fill its pages with your own accounts. When you finish detailing your experience with what the alternate Hongjoong had called a telephone, you set your pen down.

"Hongjoong?" you say, glancing up to see him pacing the cabin slowly, reading something you don't recognize.

"Yes, darling?" he answers, not lifting his gaze. 

"Do you think that one day, this will be important?" He now looks up at you curiously. "That sometime far from now, someone will read this journal and learn what happened?"

"Why of course, sweetheart. Even in the present, it is important knowledge."

"I hope someone uses it to get rid of the Guardians one day." You sigh, picking up your pen again.

"I know someone will," Hongjoong assures. With a tight-lipped smile, you nod. 

Your attention moves to the door as a crew member hastily enters the cabin. "Cap'n, there be another ship headed this way." You exchange a worried glance with Hongjoong before heading outside, the crew member holding out his telescope for the captain to take. You nervously tug at the hem of your sleeve as Hongjoong lifts the lens to his good eye.

"A Utopian ship," Hongjoong mumbles. "They do not show signs of moving out of our way. Prepare to fight," he demands. "But do not fire unless fired upon first. Inform the others...I will steer the ship."

Your head feels light. A Utopian ship? Could they be searching for you? Perhaps it's just a trade ship and you're overthinking. The news is relayed to the crew quickly, and everyone begins preparing their weapons and stations. Hongjoong takes your hand in his, bringing it to his lips to place a gentle kiss before heading towards the helm. "Stay close."

"I will be right back," you inform him. Before he can say anything, you're running down to the crew's cabin, halting in front of your clothing chest. You open it to find the knife you had ignored earlier.

Perfect.

Quickly snatching it up, you return to the main deck. Your grip on your weapon is strong as you run to assume your position next to the captain.

Seeing how rapidly the Utopian ship approaches, you squeeze the handle of your knife even tighter, every muscle in your body tense with fear. Hongjoong spins the wheel to the right and the ship leans in the new direction. You widen your stance to prevent yourself from falling over, Seonghwa eyeing you from nearby to make sure you're alright. The tension is thick, everyone on guard as they await any kind of signal. Holding your breath, you scan the approaching ship.

The hair on the back of your neck stands up when your gaze lands on a familiar face across the way, near the center of the ship. The grip on your knife loosens and all air feels like it's knocked out of your lungs as you lock eyes with a man you've known for a long time. His muscular build is apparent even in his military uniform, and his dark curls flow in the wind. 

Before you is the man your parents had arranged your marriage with.

Bang Chan.

Taglist: @foxinnie8 @lexiigom @vivienne2000

[telomeke]

Get to Know Me Tag :)

I was tagged by @lamonnaie at this post here. Thanks for tagging me! 😍 It was such fun to read your responses; now here are mine. 🥰

do you make your bed?

Never ever. I'm pretty messy, and if I don't watch my hoarding tendencies I will morph into the worst pack rat. But I like a bit of clutter around me; I think it helps my creative side since my output (whether at work, or writing on Tumblr) is always tidy and tidied up to a fault, which can stifle creativity (at least that's what I tell myself! 🤣).

what's your favourite number?

Don't have one. However (even though I like to think I'm not superstitious) if I can I'll try to avoid the number 13 and anything with 4 in it...

what is your job?

Not gonna get too specific, but my work involves design, project management and construction.

if you could go back to school, would you?

I was too stressed out at school to want to repeat the experience. But I wouldn't mind a bit of time travel back to advise my younger self not to take things so seriously! 🤣

can you parallel park?

Yes. Not well, but the car will be fully in the lot eventually. 👍

a job you had that would surprise people?

Some minor modeling jobs when I was younger. Hush! I don't like to talk about it. 🤫 You wouldn't think it to look at me now (me 🤝 Ricky Gervais 😂).

do you think aliens are real?

There are too many planets out there for our little blue marble to be the only habitable one, so yes I do think there are aliens out there. I just don't think we've been visited by them yet though! (Aylin doesn't count. 🤩)

can you drive a manual car?

Yes. Mom taught me how to drive in one... until the day I jammed on the accelerator when she said "Step on it" and I almost up-ended us into a ditch. Then I was sent to driving school instead. 🤣

what's your guilty pleasure?

Ooh. It's this bad boy here:

Sadly I've been over-indulging, so chocolate is now banned from the house for the foreseeable future. I'm still lusting after it though. Other guilty pleasures: I do like a good nightcap, so any (gluten grain-free) alcohol makes me light up – cognac, cabernet, sherry, sake, port... (But I don't always know my limits, so this is now banned too.) And a steamin', stonkin', trashy BL every now and then (bonus if there's a nice muscley actor for me to get all googly-eyed over – shoutout Gap Jakarin!). 😁🥰

tattoos?

I like art and have fanboyed over beautiful tattoos before – but I'm put off by the permanence of them, so I have none myself. Don't like the idea of not being able to change them much once they're inked in, because I will always be wanting to change things up if I were to get one. And no, even for looking at I prefer an uninked bod over an inked one. It takes a lot of work to get a body in shape, and I can't understand someone wanting to cover up the results of their hard work at the gym. 🤷‍♂️

favorite color?

A deep, rich blue most of the time. But when the mood hits, I like a bright, bold red too.

favorite type of music?

My tastes are a bit eclectic, leaning lighter and not challenging. Anything with a strong melodic line will get me hooked. Bonus points if the lyrics can come together with the melody to tell a story, and elevate it even more. So – pop mostly, but I also like R&B, soul, light jazz and the odd heartfelt country ballad or foot-stomper (go Queen Bey! 😍). Also like things with a nostalgic bent (I melt at Karen Carpenter, Seals & Croft, and England Dan & John Ford Coley). And then throw in a couple of show tunes in there for good measure! My YouTube playlist is all over the place – Sheila Majid, New Country, Renaissance, Nunew, Miley Cyrus, Streisand, Li'l Nas X, Ayumu Imazu, The Carpenters, Clean Bandit, so many others, all side-by-side.

do you like puzzles?

I love them, especially word and logic puzzles. I'm always shouting over Pat and Vanna. 🤣

any phobias?

Oddly, not the usual suspects, but I'm a bit phobic about birds. They're just creepy up close, even though I find them fascinating and beautiful with a bit of distance. While the bog-standard creepy-crawlies don't bother me one bit – I'm the one always getting called in to whack the roaches and chase away rodents. I dream of getting a cobalt blue tarantula as a pet (but that's not going to happen for various reasons, alas).

favorite childhood sport?

I wasn't that sporty growing up (classic bookworm) but I did enjoy a bit of soccer when I got to play. But I guess my favorite was probably swimming, though I didn't compete.

do you talk to yourself?

All the time. There's a nonstop monologue going on in my head and I've been known to startle people by accidentally voicing that conversation out loud. So I've learnt not to do it around others. 🤣 And no I'm not hearing disembodied voices; it's just me keeping myself company (plus I find it helps me focus my thoughts).

what movies do you adore?

My all-time favorite: Cinema Paradiso; it really pulls unabashedly at the heartstrings, but then again I'm a sentimental fool and love it all the more for that. That's also why I like Love Actually, especially the scene where the repressed Jamie (Colin Firth) travels to Portugal in order to confess his feelings to Aurélia (Lúcia Moniz), having realized he loves her despite the language barrier, and doggedly learnt Portuguese just to make his declaration – and then he finds out that she, lovelorn and bereft, learnt English just in case ("just in cases") he came back. 💖 And my second favorite is from the other end of the spectrum, actually quite a bit before my time as well: Hello Dolly! 😆 Don't judge... A couple of songs in there are really amazing – Love is Only Love and Just Leave Everything to Me especially (which are not in the stage version) are mindblowingly good. The former is almost pithy in its bare-boned purity, all about looking at love without sentimentality while reprising themes heard earlier on in the musical; the latter has the among the cleverest lyrics set to music I've ever heard:

Streisand is in fine fettle portraying a campier, more youthful incarnation of Dolly. Such a shame it was not better received. The costumes are spectacular too.

coffee or tea?

Coffee (or rather the caffeine it contains) is my drug of choice, and I drink buckets of it. But I like a good cuppa when I'm feeling nostalgic and/or sentimental, because tea is what I drank a lot of growing up – at my gran's there would be a perpetually-replenished, giant kettle of dark, bitterish Oolong on the sideboard for whenever you felt like some (which was often), while at home there was always a big pot of tea on the table in the morning, that would then be set to chill in the refrigerator after breakfast. I would always have an ice-cold milk tea with the papers when I got home from school, and it was my favorite daily ritual.

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

A paleontologist – like a lot of kids I loved dinosaurs, and I can still rattle off the names of the more well-known ones (including every one in Jurassic Park 👀). But that got pushed aside for more practical considerations later. Still wish I'd explored my second childhood ambition more though, which was to be a writer/journalist. Maybe that's why I like posting so much on Tumblr! 😍

Onward tagging (too many people as usual, but no pressure to play if you don't want to or can't 🥰): @hughungrybear, @relativelydimensional, @neuroticbookworm, @wen-kexing-apologist, @waitmyturtles, @airenyah, @twig-tea, @solitaryandwandering, @recentadultburnout, @lurkingshan, @grapejuicegay,@bengiyo, @urikawa-miyuki, @pickletrip, @suni-san, @kattahj, @dimplesandfierceeyes, @7nessasaryevils, @imminentinertia, @befuddledcinnamonroll, @pandasmagorica, @nihilisticcondensedmilk,@shortpplfedup, @rokklagio, @thegalwhorants, @brazilian-whalien52, @callipigio, @respectthepetty, @corettaroosa, @colourme-feral, @virtualtadpole, @aroceu, @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas, @delesaria-blog, @dribs-and-drabbles, @inventedfangirling, @jiirotu, @visualtaehyun @happypotato48,@akawrites000, @kleopatras-cat, @dc-alves, @toschistation, @lovelyghostv

I've been tagged by others in various tag games over the past few weeks but have been too busy with work to be able to play. 😭 Not gonna post half-assed replies if I can help it, but then I'm always beset by dread thinking people might assume I'm ignoring them for whatever silly reason. But I just haven't had the time until now.

If you've tagged me and I've not responded, please know that I really wanted to but I just kept getting sidetracked by urgent deadlines. (In fact, my drafts folder is full of half-written tag game responses that are too far beyond their use-by date to ever see the light of day. 😮) So to any and all who see this, please accept my apology for not replying to your tags and invites, and if you'd like to play along with this one even if I haven't tagged you directly (and you have the time for it) – please do so! I'd love to read your responses! 😍

[tashacee]

I saw your post about fic ideas and while this isn't Aspects, I've been thinking about it for a while and need to get it out. (Long Brotherhood post incoming)

Captain Link has a living family. Maybe a grandma, maybe some cousins, maybe parents and siblings (I personally vote for an older sister named Aryll, a single parent, and maybe a baby brother), doesn't matter too much. He has family, and he isn't allowed to see them. It's part of the whole "tidying up his past" thing, and it would be "improper" for the Hero to be associated with a "lowborn" family. He doesn't like it, but has resigned himself to following orders.

Fast forward to current events. There's a big festival in Castle Town, complete with a carnival and games. The Links are forbidden from attending for security reasons (the Heroes of Past and Future attract all kinds of attention, some less savory than others). They're basically confined to the castle, and hate seeing each other miserable.

Fortunately, the Captain has concocted a plan to sneak Mask and the Sailor out of the castle with some disguises so they can have a night at the carnival (one of the members of his unit supervising, of course; he may be an idiot self-sacrificing hero, but he has a modicum of responsibility). He wants them to have more of an opportunity to just be kids, and face paint and ridiculously oversized stuffies are the perfect vehicle for that. And if he gets chewed out by Impa for his scheme, it will be worth it knowing his brothers are happy.

Unfortunately, the Sailor and Mask have managed to catch wind of the fact that the Captain can't visit his family, not even when most of his unit gets leave for the festival. So they've concocted a scheme (involving some swashbuckling and a few magical items) to sneak him out of the castle and out to the slums so he can spend an evening with them, no social mores to be hung up on. Both of them know what it's like to leave family behind, and giving Link the opportunity to be with his for just a short time is something they both agree he deserves. And if they get locked in the dungeon for a week for, you know, kidnapping the Hero, it will absolutely be worth it to know that the Captain got the reunion he desperately wanted. (Bonus points if they rope in a member of Wars' squad to do anything that requires an adult to do the talking. Double bonus if it's the same person Wars picked to chaperone them at the carnival, and they decide to play along with the chaos).

Sorry this was long, I spent a whole lot of time imagining the setup but cannot decide on the execution. Don't feel obligated to write any more on this if you don't want to, I just wanted to ramble to someone about how these boys would absolutely go to jail for each other.

So you sent this like. Over six months ago. And I am so grateful for your patience because it has been so much fun to finally write this fic!

Also to anyone reading, @bloodthirstymemelord has ALSO written a version of this fic and it’s GREAT! Go check it out!

[traumasurvivorsactivities]

Self-Care Activity

This week, let’s find a way to practice self care in each of the following categories: emotional, physical, practical and social

The goal is to do at least two things from any two categories this week. I’ll list some examples, but there are more options for each thing so feel free to think of your own!

For this activity, pick something from two categories and plan (write down if you can) how you plan to do it. And then… do it or at least plan when to do it.

Bonus option: pick something from each category.

Emotional

Enjoy a hobby

Try a new hobby

Intentionally rest

Spend some time in nature

Try journaling or continue your journaling

Practice a new breathing technique or grounding technique

Try an adult colouring book (or not an adult one, whatever you want!)

Schedule time to “unplug” from your phone and internet.

Watch a comfort movie or show

Physical

Schedule the appointment you need

Drink enough water

Go for a short walk

Do an exercise

Practice good hygiene (have a shower, brush teeth, etc)

Try to get a full night’s sleep or take a nap

Take a bubble bath

Cook yourself a meal

Have a cup of tea

Do stretching

Use a face mask

Practical

Tidy up your room

Make a to-do list

Make a plan for your week

Do some homework and/or study

Deep clean something you normally don’t like your fridge or re-organize your closet

Wash your sheets

Donate or otherwise get rid of things you no longer need

Social

Reach out to a friend for support

Check in with someone you haven’t talked to in awhile

Do a fun activity with your partner or a friend or plan one for the future

Meet new people whether it’s in person or online

Find a new forum/group where you can talk to others with a similar interest

Set a boundary where it may be needed (or think about boundaries you might want to set in the future)

Make a point to spend more time with your pet, just enjoying them.

Feel free to share what you plan to do, and check in when you’ve done them!

Also please feel free to share other ideas.

[aleenya]

sharing a little bit more of my steins;gate mtg deck bc im having a lot of fun with it and to be cringe is to be free

context: these are all mtg proxies. ive changed nothing mechanically except the card names or flavor text (some i need to tidy up or format better tho.)

i wanted to prioritize thematics above all else so most of the cards come from the dr who sets!! (which are so banger omg. suspend is a great mechanic.) if ur interested in the full deck feel free to pm me, im happy to share! it still needs some editing/reworking but its fully playable and legal as is

commanders

so these are the commanders. kurisu (clara proxy) is scarily good bc whenever an activated ability triggers on a doctor (all the doctor cards are mostly just world-line variations of hououin kyouma/okabe LOL) then it triggers a second time. and that gets ridiculous fast 🧍

hououin kyouma (tenth dr proxy) is great bc he gets cards into suspend, the mechanic this deck is built around. when cards are in suspend, they're considered 'exiled' and have time counters on them that tick down every upkeep. once there's no more time counters on those cards, you play them for free. He can also time travel (bc of course) which can either add or remove time counters. hes honestly a lot of fun, i love the lil combo this pairing has!! and i love the thematic element that kurisu just makes okabe better bc its true jfghdhdhdh

see more below!

creature highlights

ignore the fact that mr braun is an alien rhino soldier i just had to have this card in my deck bc i thought it was funny LMAO

i also have other wordline variations of suzuha and all the lab mems <3

spells/instants highlights

one thing: all of history all at once + rousing refrain = insanity

i have no defense for grapeshot i just really wanted the cg of mayuri with the gun in my deck KGHXDH

enchantments highlights

artifacts highlights

i have a lot more artifacts (including the time machine and a lot of the future gadgets, like moad snake, which gives protection from all creatures for a turn.) round table and the moment are thematically fun tho - and of course obligatory ibn 5100.

wincons

wincons are cards where, if i fulfill a certain condition, i win the game! i play mtg very casually and just for fun, so i dont like infinite combos or anything like that. but i thought for s;g it'd be fitting to have some slow-burn win conditions that i slowly build up towards. one is Gates. Gates are special lands from the baldur's gate set; i've reworked them in my deck to either be different s;g locations or worldlines (like alpha, beta etc) and then finally i have the steins;gate card (proxy of maze's end) where if i have at least ten gates in play and then play that, i win. it's a verrryyy slow burn wincon tho and i've only pulled it off once, so it's not very reliable. but its fucking thematic and thats all i care about LMAO

and then the other wincon is the Divergence Meter which is also super slow. if i can at least get the time counters on it to 500, then double to 1000, its pretty much an autowin B) but again, getting it to that point is difficult and takes a while. which i find very fitting

thank u for coming to my deeply autistic presentation. am i slightly deranged for doing this? mayhaps ... but my love for steins;gate knows no bounds </3

[elysiumblue]

Pick a card - Good thing that's happening soon 😁

Hi. Here's a general reading providing you message about a good thing that's going to happen soon. I feel that this reading is some sort of news you need to know right now too so maybe it's a mix of two lol.

I did this reading because I felt that my readings here are too intense. However, the messages I got this time is also intense so 💀💀💀 The good news may not sounds that "good" at first, but I'm sure that it's a positive thing that needs to happen to bring positive energy in your life.

Also, it's a general reading, so just take what resonates, and leave the rest behind. Don't force things to fit if it doesn't make any sense for you at all!

👇🏻Pick a color that you felt drawn to👇🏻

And find the corresponding reading for you below!

Pile 1

Oops... some of you may not like this news now. The good thing that is going to happen to you is... you will get out of draining, toxic, or even abusive relationship really soon. It can be all sorts of connections but I can feel its more towards romantic relationships. Although I can feel that some of you probably don't want this to happen, I can see that you already know that something is really off about your relationship. So, if this is not the case for you, then this pile may not be your pile.

The existing relationship makes you feel really stuck and you have no idea how to get rid of it. Although you are suffering right now, some of you may still want to cling onto this connection because you don't want to think about how to deal with the consequences, or even how to escape from this connection. Some of you also make yourself believe that it's better for you to continue tolerating their nasty behaviours. However, no matter how hard you trying to convince yourself that things are working out really fine, some thing will happen unexpectedly and destroy your connection. But I don't really feel that it's that unexpected, as I can see that the negativity has already built up for a long time to the point that it's impossible to continue building.

By getting out of this connection, you will have a lot of time to be alone. It may sounds scary for now, but the time for solitude will actually be a very empowering experience for you. You will realize that you don't have to work that hard to get emotional support from others, as you are capable of taking care of yourself. It will be a transformative experience for you, and you will learn what is true love, as well as how to love yourself after the time of being alone.

Also, to be honest, the connection probably already met a dead end long time ago. You tried lots of method to make things work, but things never worked. I guess that's why some of you decided to be delusional, thinking that things are perfectly fine, in order to cope with the situation. It's really feel like a fucking maze and you are constantly trying to find the way out, but you can't. The event that will happen soon will lead you out of the maze, like literally send you to the exit. You will gain lots of clarity, and able to come up with new ideas, as well as new perspectives, when you get rid of the situation that drains so much of your energy. And I will be sure that you will understand in the future that things are not fine at all right now.

It may be a scary experience as it can be shocking and unexpected. However, I am very sure that the event that's happening in the future is exactly what you need, and what you low key wishing for. It'll bring so much positivity to your life, which will be 100x more than the nasty feeling of experiencing the sudden event at first.

(Despite the title, I really feel that this song is indicating that you have lost yourself for so long. With the event, you will be able to meet yourself again, and it'll feel so good for you.)

(And when I was tidying up the cards for your pile, the 7 of swords showed up. I feel that you will seriously question if the future event is good for you in any way. It may even feel so painful for you to experience the event. However, as the imagery of this card suggests, the event is a necessary step of creating the beautiful artwork that the person is drawing. An incomplete drawing always look ugly, but if you endure the "disgust" from the unfinished artwork, and continue working on it, you will receive a beautiful artwork. Everything will worth it when you see how gorgeous the finished work is.)

Pile 2

I can see that you are worrying about something right now. There's something that you really want to do, but you feel that you lack the skills to do it. However, it won't be like this anymore real soon! I can see there will be a person helping you to make things work in the future. They can be a new person or a person you already know. For some of you, the event may come in the form of a random thought, a random inspiration, or even a random dream that you happen to remember.

The event that is going to happen soon is literally a dream come true. It's really like finding THE missing piece of the puzzle, because I can see that you already have everything for the thing to work, except that one spark to start the engine. Yes, you literally have everything you need right now.

Damn, maybe this reading is the one missing thing you need lol. If you are thinking that you lack the skills, I can see that you actually have the skills you think you're lacking. If it's a new concept or knowledge that you think you're lacking, you actually have that in your head right fucking now.

The major problem you're having right now is that you're worrying too much, and also you have like a millions thoughts floating around in your head right now. You really just need that one spark, that one push to make everything into order, and boom, it's done. No additional thing needed except that one hit. Good luck on the thing you're thinking about because you will succeed.

(Yeah. This is the perfect metaphor. You literally have the whole domino sorted out and all you need is that one single push to make a good show. And that one push will happen soon!)

Pile 3

Bruh. The good news for you is you will receive a blessing in disguise of something you absolutely don't want to happen right now. I can see that you are trying to make some innovations, bringing some new ideas, or suggest some changes. You will face a huge obstacle that prevents you from doing the thing you want to do, or a very clear sign showing that you should stop what you're doing right now. It may even be intimidating or infuriating for you at first, but I am sure that you will thank this event for happening in the future.

Judging from the energy of the reading, it seems that you lack the ability to actually do the thing you want to do. You will probably make a mess if you decide to do it. It's a case that you fucked around and unable to find out, or find out something you absolutely don't want to happen. (Yeah, something that's worse than a huge STOP sign telling you to stop what you're doing right now.)

Besides of the fact that you are not capable of pulling the thing off, I can also see that it's unnecessary to go against the flow for now. I am sorry if it's offending you, but I really don't see any positive outcome from carrying out the things you're thinking about. And I am not the type to deter people either, so I am really expressing my honest opinion, with the energy I read from this reading. You will find things to be 10 times better if you make peace with the current situation, instead of going against it.

(Well, I cannot find a song that's directly pointing out the message of this reading so I just share the last song played while I'm typing this. Also, the next song in the queue is about something burning. I take this as a sign that it'll be really dangerous for you if you proceed with what you're wanting to do, ignoring the big STOP sign.)

[kristannafever]

Second Chances - 3

Kristanna Modern AU Rated: Explicit WC: 3867

Chapter Index

----------------

It had been three days since she’d talked to him and she was furious at herself that she was too much of a coward to just call him.

She hadn’t wanted to step away that night.  She waned him to kiss her.  Hell, she wanted a whole lot more than that.  Enough so that she began to really sit down and re-evaluate the reasons she was now so scared of intimacy. 

It started with thinking back to all the times in her relationship with her ex that they had sex.  It was torturous trying to pick apart all the things she had been doing wrong, nothing of which was ever mentioned to her at the time.  In the end it was futile, but she did realize one thing.  If she truly was bad at it, she could always get better at it if she had practice.

Kristoff really was the first man she ever thought she might be able to get into a relationship with despite her deep reservations about getting intimate, and upon doing a bunch of soul searching over a bottle of wine, she decided that she was not going to let Kristoff go.  She was going to throw all caution to the wind and open herself up completely to him.  If she couldn’t do that, there would be no hope of making things work, and she feared if she lost him, she’d never have anything that would work ever again. 

*****

Kristoff hadn’t heard from Anna in a few days, nor did he make any effort to get in touch with her.  The way she acted when he had touched her face made it clear that her ex had damaged her in a way that he was unfamiliar with, and he had no idea what to do about it besides feeling irrationally angry that it had happened to her.   He never had any intention of kissing her if she didn’t want it, then she’d reacted so forcefully, that he now feared that she just wasn’t ready for a relationship.

Part of him certainly did want to keep going with her, and another part knew he might need to move on if he was going to have a chance at the one thing in the world that he wanted the most.  He’d already wasted too much time the past year feeling sorry for himself and he was not getting any younger.  As wonderful as Anna was, could he waste months or years with her too if she had no idea where her own future lay?

Then his phone dinged.

He looked and was – if he was honest with himself – delighted to see it was a text from Anna.  He opened the message and read it.

Hey Kristoff.  I think we need to talk about some things. 

It was straight to the point which made him nervous to realize he did want to make things work with Anna a lot more than he was willing to admit to himself.  He was careful in his response.

Hi Anna.  Yes, of course we can talk about things.

He hit send and no sooner did the screen indicate that she had read the message and she was calling his phone.  “Hello,” he answered.

“Hey,” she said softly.  “I couldn’t wait.  I have a lot on my mind.  Can we meet?”

“When?”

“Now.”

“Now?”  He looked at the clock.  It was only a half hour until he usually went to bed and he had work in the morning.

“Yes, now.  Otherwise, I think I’ll lose my nerve.  You name the place, I’ll head over.”

Kristoff really didn’t feel like talking in a public space so he gave her his address and she hung up after promising him she was headed right over.  He prattled around his little house, tidying up a little bit and making sure he had something to offer her for a drink, and she was knocking at his door not much later.

“Hi,” he said as he stood back to let her in.

She walked in, kicked off her shoes and went into the depths of his house as he shut the door.  He found her standing in his living room, staring at the walls.

Anna turned to him then.  “I do want to get married and have kids,” she blurted.  “I just… right now I’m…”  Her arms went up in exasperation.

Kristoff walked up to her slowly and pulled her into a hug.  The way she sighed into him and wrapped her arms around his waist made him smile just a little despite how distraught she was.  Whatever fears he had about trying to make things work with her were dissipating. 

“It’s okay, Anna.  I think I understand,” he said into her hair.  “That’s why you were so happy when I said I wanted to take things slow, right?”

She nodded but did not answer him directly. 

“Whatever it is,” he reassured her, “it’ll be okay.”

Anna pulled back and looked up at him with deeply pained eyes.  “I think if this is going to work, I need to tell you, even though I told myself I was never going to tell another living soul about it.”

Kristoff swallowed, suddenly feeling apprehensive about where this was going.  Steeling himself, he let her go and led her to the couch so that they could talk. 

“Would you like something to drink?” he asked when she was seated on his sofa, her knees bouncing nervously up and down. 

“No.  Wait, yes!  Yes I do.”  Kristoff turned to get it when she said, “Wait!”

He turned back just as Anna shot to her feet, grabbed him around the neck and smashed her lips against his.  He was too stunned for a moment to realize what was going on, then his body took over and his arms wrapped around her waist and he kissed her back. 

It was chaste at first until he reciprocated, and then her lips parted and she slid her tongue into his mouth.  He welcomed it and returned the favour, moaning softly in the back of his throat for how amazing it felt, and he was lost in the moment of bliss.  Then all of the sudden, she pulled away.

“I’m sorry,” she stammered, taking a seat back on the couch and resumed jackhammering her knees up and down. 

Kristoff was flustered to say the least.  As far as first kisses go, it was the best he’d ever had.  “Why are you saying sorry?” he asked, confused as lusty thoughts swirled in his mind.

“Because I’m not a good kisser,” she said, pulling up her hand and starting to chew on her nails.

“You’re not… what?”  It was hard to concentrate with the kiss still burning deep into his mind.

“I’m bad at kissing.  At everything,” she said, face falling and looking down at the carpet. 

Kristoff moved himself a little to the left and sank slowly to sit on the coffee table facing her.  “Anna… that was amazing.  Honestly, I’m having a hard time not thinking about it.”

Her eyes came up to look at him through her eyelashes.  “You liked it?”

He let out a breathy laugh.  “Yeah.  I liked it a lot. 

“I wasn’t bad at it?”

The things she had been saying were now making it through the fog.  “No.  Why would you…”  His words died when he realized what was really going on.  Her eyes said it all.  He let out a slow breath.  “So, some wine?”

Anna nodded and he stood to get it.  As he wandered into the kitchen, he had even more apprehension about what she was about to tell him.   That anger came back, and he poured her wine and grabbed himself a beer with a clenched jaw.  Then he went back into the living room, saw her sitting there, knees still bouncing, and he softened.  If this was something she needed to say he was going to hear it no matter how much he was going to hate it.

He passed her the wine and took a seat beside her on the couch, making sure to leave enough space between them that she would feel comfortable.  As soon as she looked over at him, she started talking, telling him intimate things about her relationship with her ex and then what he had said to her when he broke it off. 

To his credit, Kristoff was able to remain outwardly sympathetic and compassionate in listening to her strife, and yet inside he was burning up with white hot rage.  So much so, that when she was done talking and let out a long sigh of relief, he excused himself and went out the back door of his house and through his yard to his detached garage and punched several holes in the sheetrock. 

He had an idea what was going on with her but it was nowhere near as awful was what she had actually told him.  Apparently after she had pleaded her ex to talk to her about things, he had gone into more detail about what he thought she was bad at or doing wrong.  It was no wonder she couldn’t see herself in a healthy relationship with things that she wanted.

Standing in his garage, the knuckles on his right-hand bleeding to the concrete, Anna appeared at the open door.  He didn’t look at her, but he knew she was there from the shadow she threw onto the floor where his gaze was fixed. 

Then she pressed herself against his back and hugged his waist.  After a moment, she said, “I knew you were going to be trouble.”

He surprised himself my chuckling.  Then he turned in her arms and wrapped himself around her and laid his cheek on the top of her head.  He tired to call forth some words to say to her but nothing seemed appropriate.  Instead, he held her a little tighter and she did the same. 

They stayed that way for a long time, breathing against one another and Kristoff felt a calm wash over him.  Anna was the one.  Of that he had no more doubt. 

“I am so sorry, Anna,” he said, lifting his cheek off her head and letting her go.  “I can’t imagine how hard that was to talk about.”

“It was,” she said, rubbing her right hand up and down her left arm in a nervous gesture.  “But I feel so much better to just get it out.  And I hope if you want to talk about the pain you when through you that you would feel comfortable.”

He smiled.  “Maybe someday.  But it really doesn’t seem to matter so much to me in this moment.”

Anna’s eyes widened slightly, picking up on his meaning, and she grabbed him around the waist in another hug.  After a moment, she said, “I should head home.”

“You can stay, Anna,” he offered, out of nowhere.

She let him go and looked up at him.  “It’s fine.  I don’t want to impose.”

He shook his head.  “Just stay.  I’d feel better if you did.”

“Okay,” she said slowly.  “I can grab the couch.”

It was impossible to hold back he smirk that played out on his lips.  “No way.  You get the bed.”

“I won’t hear any of that.  It’s your house.”

“Then sleep with me.”

Anna blinked at him.  “Kristoff…”

“Sleep, Anna,” he clarified.  “Just sleep.”

~   ~   ~   ~   ~

Anna woke with a warm body pressed against hers when Kristoff’s alarm started going off.  He let out a groan and rolled away from her and she immediately missed having his front pressed to her back.  It had been a wonderful idea for her to stay over and sleep.  She hadn’t had a rest that good in a long, long time.

He silenced the alarm and flopped onto his back.  “I hate mornings,” he muttered.

Anna giggled and rolled over to snuggle up against his side.  “Me too.”

He let out a long and happy sounding sigh.  A little tabby cat that had been sleeping in a ball at the foot of the bed, stretched out and sauntered up, pushing his way between the two of them.

“Hey Sven,” Kristoff groaned, reaching out a hand and scratching the cat’s head.  Unimpressed, Sven put his butt towards Kristoff’s face and appraised the new visitor, purring and bending down to rub his head against Anna’s arm.

He chuckled.  “I hope you like cats.”

“Oh of course I do,” she said, sitting up and giving Sven the attention he was seeking.  He purred louder. 

Kristoff smiled then took to his feet and stretched out his back. “I wish I didn’t have to work today.”  He turned around.  “Hanging out with you would be much more fun.”

She grinned, unable to take her eyes off his form, even if it was fully clothed.  He was so damn sexy.  “I know, me too.  But I can’t miss work today otherwise I would totally play hooky.”

“Would you like to go out after work?

“I would.”  And she meant it.  Having gotten all that crap out had been one hell of a cathartic experience.  It made her feel more comfortable in taking steps forward with Kristoff, steps which she hadn’t been able to imagine for herself in the past eight months since her ex ended it. 

Not only was unburdening herself of that therapeutic, sleeping in the same bed as Kristoff, even with their clothes on, had made her feel even better about everything that was happening.  It gave her hope and joy for what was to come instead of the loathing she’d been carrying for all those months.  Anna finally felt more like herself again, and that itself was her greatest sense of relief. 

~   ~   ~   ~   ~

They had gone on three more dates and at the end of every one had started kissing more and more.  By the third time, they’d gotten so into it, sitting on Anna’s couch, that when Kristoff put a stop to it and gave her a hug goodnight, she felt his hard length press up against her.  It had sent white hot desire shooting all the way through her body.  Not only that, it made her feel amazing to realize that there was nothing wrong at all with her kissing, which meant there was probably nothing wrong with everything else as well.

Thoughts of taking extra steps with Kristoff had started to consume her mind.  She imagined being with him often, and while it still made her a little nervous, it was something she eagerly awaited.  He was picking her up for another night out and she had every intention of taking that next step with him.

As usual, his date idea had been wonderful and they had a fantastic time.  Anna was starting to feel close to him in a way she realized that she never was with her ex, and she was getting the feeling that Kristoff had similar feelings. 

They had a great conversation all they way home and Kristoff walked her up to her apartment and followed her inside since now it was a given that their dates ended in a make out session.  As soon as the door was shut his lips were on hers and she pulled him eagerly towards the couch, stumbling and bumping furniture until they fell upon it. 

Anna was on top of him, relishing in the feeling of his tongue against hers, and she took the opportunity and slide her hand under his shirt and up his deliciously defined abs.  Kristoff groaned his approval, then a moment later he was breaking the kiss and gently pushing her back. 

Her brow furrowed.  “You don’t want to keep going?”

He smiled and gave her a silent chuckle.  “Doesn’t matter, Anna.  I just want you to feel comfortable.”

“But you would want to keep going?”

His humor faded and he looked at her carefully, scanning her eyes.  “I think,” he said slowly, “that it’s not a bad thing for you that we just take things carefully.  And if I’m honest, better for me too.”

Anna found herself pouting and she pushed off his chest to sit up on the couch.  She tightened her thighs against one another.  The ache between them was intense.

“Are you okay?” he asked, sitting up with her.

She looked at him and nodded.  “Yeah.  It’s just getting harder and harder to stop when we get started, you know?”

“I do know,” he said, his voice low and sensuous.  “And I am being serious about taking our time, but perhaps… well, maybe you wouldn’t mind allowing me to focus on you first?  You know, just one step in that direction.”

Anna’s already quick beating heart sped up.  “What do you mean?”

He reached out and placed his hand on her thigh by her knee and slowly slid it up her body towards where a heartbeat resided between her legs.  “If you were feeling up to it, would you allow me to touch you?”

Anna gulped and her mind screamed with euphoria.  Still, she was a little apprehensive.  So much of her wanted to please Kristoff.  Was it wrong to be the one taking all the pleasure first?

“Only if you want to, Anna.  And if you have any doubts, please know that I want to do this more than you can possibly understand.  But only if you are ready.”

She didn’t have any words so she nodded instead and was met with the most sexual smirk from Kristoff.  He leaned over and began kissing her again, taking his time in moving his arms down her body, then his hand was under her dress and up her bare thigh, coming so very close to where she wanted his touch so much that she shuddered with anticipation.

His lips smiled on hers and he pulled back to look at her.  “Turn around,” he said quietly.

Anna wasn’t sure what he wanted until he scooted back to the arm of the couch to lean against and pulled up his leg off the floor so that there was a place for her to fit between his legs.  She noticed the bulge in his jeans and swallowed hard.  She wanted to touch him so badly but good lord she wanted him to touch her even more.

Moving slowly, she turned and sank down onto the couch.  Kristoff immediately had his hands on her, guiding her to where he wanted her.  With her back against his chest, his hand went right back down to her thigh and traced up it once again under her dress.  In the back of her mind, she applauded herself on her outfit choice for the evening. 

His hand moved slowly, getting closer and closer until suddenly his fingers stroked her through her panties and Anna let out a shuddering gasp.

“Just let me know if you want to stop, okay?”

“Oh god please don’t stop,” Anna blurted. 

He chuckled in her ear and suddenly his palm was flat against the lower part of her belly and sliding down into her underwear.  It was hard for Anna not to squirm with anticipation and then she did just that as soon as he put his fingers where she wanted them the most. 

She gasped as he worked slow circles over her clit.  It was maddening how good it felt, and then a moment later one of his fingers was stroking her opening.

“May I?” he whispered into her ear.

Anna nodded, not trusting herself to talk for fear it would come out a primal scream instead.  Then his finger was slowly sinking into her and Anna let out a guttural moan.  She had never been touched this way before.  Her ex would use a vibrator on her clit when she begged that she wanted to get off first since she was never able to do so with intercourse.

Another finger joined his first and Anna did cry out that time.  She reached back blindly and grabbed Kristoff by the back of his head, holding on for dear life as his fingers worked in and out of her, bringing her closer and closer, stroking that spot inside of her that had never been stimulated in this way before. 

Then he shifted and his other hand came up and gipped her breast gently through the fabric of her dress and his fingertips found her clit again.  Her back arched involuntarily as he started moving faster and faster until she was panting and on the very edge of all that she could take.

“Oh… Kristoff… I’m… c-coming…”

Anna pulled in one last gasp of air before she was tipped over the edge, her center rolling and pulsing with the strongest orgasm she’d ever experienced.   She was physically incapable of speaking in the moment of release, her body was coiled so tightly riding it out, but there was a loud moan of pleasure and Anna realized that it was Kristoff, his own breathing a little ragged behind her. 

As soon as she was able to start thinking straight again, she started to giggle.  “Kristoff… that was fucking incredible.”

He chuckled and then kissed her neck.  “You are fucking incredible, Anna.”

She turned in his arms and gave him a wicked grin.  “Now it’s your turn.”

He smiled at her sweetly and gently moved her so that he could get his leg off the couch and back onto the floor.  “Tonight was all about you, baby,” he said, and got to his feet.

Anna stood with him, frowning.  “You don’t want me to?”

He paused from where he was turning to walk away and turned back towards her, putting his arms gently on her shoulders.  “Absolutely I do.  But not tonight.  Maybe next time.”

“But…” Anna looked down between them at the impressive shape pressing on the front is his pants. 

“Next time,” he reassured her when she looked back up to his eyes.  “Just give me a couple moments in the bathroom.”  He winked.  “I can’t drive home like this.”

He turned away then before she could utter another word, leaving her all sorts of flustered.  Was she disappointed that he didn’t want to return the favour?  Maybe a little.  Was she flattered that he was insistent on her being the only focus of the evening?  Hell yes.  She had to admit, she felt a little relieved that she would have more time before she took that step with him because in the far recess of her mind, although Kristoff never ever made her feel that way, she was still worried that she wasn’t going to do it right.  

It also made her hot all over again to think about his physical reaction to touching her like that.  She imagined it would be similar for her when she was able to return the favour.  Then she pictured himself taking care of his erection in the bathroom and once again Anna’s body flushed with heat.  She was suddenly very eager to stroke him herself, and she was determined that next time there would be no maybe about it.

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